#they're both too stupid and selfish to be making a decision like this

[undead-knick-knack]

I'm so tired y'all 😩🙄🤬

[inafever]

On how much Aziraphale has learned since season one:

This is about character development. Inside of a story, everything that happens, happens for a reason. It's meant to tell you something, to teach you or the character of your story, something.

So if the story continues and your character repeats the same mistakes again you know that they are bound to be doomed this time, and even worse the audience is going to certainly lose respect for them, cause they have made the same mistake twice, they haven't learned anything, they're gonna do it again another time, they don't deserve a happy ending. (yes I'm talking about good omens here) So you don't do that to a character that matters to you and you respect even the tiniest bit.

A Lot of us here are thinking that this is what has happened to Aziraphale's character at the end of season two, that he has done it again, repeated the same mistake again and has left Crowley to join heaven and it's been because of reasons like wanting to change Crowley (not true, see this post), still believing in heaven's goodness (not true at all), not being on the same page with Crowley (I'm gonna talk about this one especially in this post) and such likes. But these are the things he should've known better about after 6000 years and all the events that we've learnt about especially throughout season two. (It seems to be rather the whole point doesn't it?)

But we all seem to rather believe that he's made that mistake again nonetheless. so what we're doing here is trying to find reasons to justify the mistake and somehow make the reason behind the wrong actions something relatable to ourselves so we can forgive him when the time comes.

In fact I don't believe that he's made a mistake. for Aziraphale's character to be redeemable, what he has done, must be the only option that he's had for saving them both. I don't care what kind of situation could have resulted in him making this decision, but the only reason, the one and only reason, must be his love for Crowley. Otherwise it'll prove that he hasn't learnt his lessons or doesn't love Crowley enough to make a compromise, and in both cases, he's not worthy of love. He won't earn his happy ending by being tortured and feeling sorry and doing the apology dance for Crowley if he's hurt Crowley out of selfishness and stupidity again

But I'm sure he'll earn his happy ending and I'm sure he's learnt his lessons and it's too late for him to have unlearned them all in a matter of a few seconds. (He is an idiot but he's not stupid) and it's mostly because of this, that I believe the reason why he made that decision, must be very different from what it appears to be on the surface.

Anyway, this post is about what Aziraphale has learned and how he's changed.

I have made a post about their moments of conflict from both season one and two, it's here and you can look it up. This is where you begin to understand how Aziraphale has changed since season one because these are his dialogues after he's had a fight with Crowley in the bandstand, season one:

"even if I did know where the antichrist was I wouldn't tell you we're on opposite sides"

"friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you"

"there is no our side Crowley. Not anymore. It's over"

And then there's season two, when they disagree on what to do with Gabriel, Aziraphale is the one to point out that they both rely on the life they've built together

He's asking him to help him take care of Gabriel together and in response Crowley leaves

In the final scene he asks Crowley to come back to heaven

"work with me" "We can be together as Angels, Doing good" "I need you."

He says anything he can think of literally to convince him to stay with him and it doesn't work

We start from "we're not friends" and arrive at "work with me. we can be together"

Even if we don't know the reason why he's insisting on taking Crowley back to heaven with him, this is an Angel that has picked up the pace. That wants them to be an us. No matter what.

But these are only a few dialogues. I think there's more than that. I think the show in five and a half episodes (out of six) has tried its hardest to make the point quite clear about how Aziraphale feels about Crowley (or how strongly he feels those emotions). all through the way he looks at him and through his gestures and soft touches from time to time

I'm gonna make another post of those moments separately and I'm gonna link it to this when I do.

update: (here's the post. not just average moments of Aziraphale looking cute, it's something about the way he looks at him)

And I'd like to even compare those wishful glances to some of those from season one, but I can't, cause they are nonexistent in there.

[just-some-user-hunny]

Yandere! love triangle situation with Aemond and Aegon

~ It's unfortunate enough to capture the eye of one targaryen prince, but in this instance, you're unlucky enough to enrapture the attention of two.

~ Either you're a maid who works in the castle, a childhood friend, or it's a scenario of tarcest (say you're Daemon's daughter), it's inevitable to be within the sights of them.

~ As young princes, they would both Scrabble over your attention like it was a shiny new toy they both wanted. Aegon was brutish and mocking towards his shorter brother, whilst Aemond could only watch on and meekly/slyly attempt to capture your attention and time whenever he could. Taking Aegon's verbal beatings and beratings with a strong facade, letting his words slowly eat away at his self-confidence, fueling him to grow stronger and more capable.

~ Aegon, would inevitably be the boy who'd pull your braids and steal your things to get your attention. Whenever he sees you give Aemond a taste of attention, either it be through chaste conversation, or merely sitting closely with you at mealtimes, he'd act out in his own self-destructive ways and be determined to get your attention. It didn't matter if it was positive, or negative. He just needed your eyes on him.

~ Aemond however doesn't allow himself to sit down and let his brother trample all over him like that. He sharpens his skills with fighting and reading and learning, aiming to take advantage of his older brother by being more intelligent and capable than him.

~ Aegon will undoubtedly remain drowning himself in wine and women from brothels to fill the void that you refuse to fill. Holding both discontent and yearning for you. He would be a painfully lucid, yet desperate yandere. He's not outright clueless, he's aware he's made himself unlovable by now due to his treatment of you in the past. He's damned himself to loneliness, and there's little he can do to win your favour. However, he is still a selfish yandere. He'll naively take advantage of Aemond and cooperate to take you into their custody, to trap you within the castle with Aegon as your rightful king, and Aemond as your dutiful protector.

~ Aemond will become somewhat of a personal bodyguard to you during your stay hostage situation. He'll be hovering in your shadow, his gloved hand bracing upon your lower back whenever you walk with him, hovering behind you whilst you are seated- his arms bracing around you closely, or his hand upon your wrist in a firm iron grasp to keep you with him. He is the one who assigns whoever tends to you, picking only the most trusted handmaidens to bath and dress and tend to. If there were ever one foolish enough to try and help you escape, they'd be cut down mercilessly.

~ Aegon, now drunk with wine and power, the crown sitting heavily upon his brow, will be more selfish and demanding than ever. He's giddy and high from it, often calling you to accompany him during mealtimes. He especially enjoys watching you interact with his children, growing into a wishful delusion that they are yours. He'll watch with a smile as you treat them kindly and gently, warmth spreading in his chest at the sight.

~ You may often awaken in odd hours of the night to find Aegon drunk and soft headed- crumpled in a pitiful mess by your bedside, his hand grasping at your hand to nestle into his locks of unruly snowy hair, and his cheek pressed to the edge of your bed. Usually he's far too inebriated to fathom you're awake, but he will softly and weakly whimper for you to not leave if you try to remove your hand.

~ They're both demanding for your attention, and don't particularly like sharing. Aegon would definitely have this big-headed look upon it, like how he sees Aemond as his 'hound' that'd do anything he wants. But Aemond isn't the obedient pushover he thinks he is. I don't think Aegon is particularly stupid or anything, naive and a little clumsy with making decisions, but Aemond is sincerely much more calculated and cunning. There'd be a whole lot of manipulation going in between those two, and Aegon would think he's on top most of the time when really he's not 😅 Aemond will always be the one pulling the strings, the one holding the reigns, the invisible puppeteer so to speak in this whole dynamic. Aegon will go on with his gloating lovesickness, high on this deception of power that he believes he has in his grasp. With you in his palm, when really he's stepping beneath Aemond's heel.

~ Poor, sweet Helaena in this whole scenario is troubled for you. She's already mourning the loss of her little son, and now her brothers have kidnapped her friend and kept them hostage- just like she. A part of her down feeling comforted with you so close however, she knows how things will end. Forced to foresee the bloodshed and fire, her own brutal succumbing to death, and she's frightened by it all. All she can ask now is for some temporary comfort with you nearby, to pretend for just a little bit longer, that you are both safe and content in the gardens of your childhood- sewing embroidery and catching bugs.

~ During the battle of Rhaenys and Aegon, you bet Aemond will take advantage of this scenario. He wants to be king, and have you all to himself. Why not kill two birds with one stone?

~ Aegon had always been under the naive and gloated assumption that Aemond was under his thumb- at his heel, like a loyal and commanding hound, his to order around. He could only just tolerate having him share the attention he sought after from you. The moment that fateful 'dracarys' left Aemond's snake tongue, Aegon received the true taste of Aemond's view of him.

~ Aegon would be a weak and delusional mess in his weak and vulnerable state. He'd demand for you to be kept away, frightened of you seeing him like this. Ugly. Crippled. Deformed Just like Aemond likes him.

~ Yet in his stupor of strong herbs and medicines, slipping in and out of bleary restless dreams, and agonising consciousness, he would softly choke out for you. He wants you near, but stay away. He needs to hold your hand to distract him from the pain, but if you look upon him he'll cry. He needs you to tell him everything is ok, but if you look upon him as a weak and broken fool then he'll use whatever energy he has left in his whole body to scream in anguish.

~ Aemond would practically be relishing in his post-murder glow. Standing at the foot of his brother's bed, looking down upon him with a cold serpentine-like glare, an air of pleasure surrounding him at the sight of his rival and tormentor broken and simple at his feet.

~ After confirming that Aegon cannot remember being attacked by his own brother, Aemond will grow even more relieved. Gently kissing his brothers brow and promising to take care of you in his stead.

~ with the throne and you nearly secured in his grasp, he feels unstoppable.

There are some timeline things that I haven't thought through completely yet, but this is the whole vibe I get from a situationship between those two. It would be chaotic, akin to being tugged at both ends by two overly enthusiastic and possessive dogs.

I may elaborate more later on, but this is what I have for now! Any thoughts and ideas are very welcome :3

[ilynpilled]

GRRM on morality, heroism, villainy, and parallax in ASOIAF:

Time magazine wrote of you, “What really distinguishes Martin and what marks him as a major force for evolution in fantasy is his refusal to embrace a vision of the world as a struggle between good and evil.” Do you agree?

I think the struggle between good and evil is central to fantasy and, indeed, in some ways, central to most fiction. It's certainly a worthy subject for fiction. But I regard the struggle between good and evil as being waged within the individual human heart. […] You know, the greatest monsters of history, as we look back on them, thought they were the heroes of the story. You know, the villain is the hero of the other side, as sometimes said. That doesn't mean that it's all morally relative. That doesn't mean that all things are equally good and evil. I think there is good and there is evil in the world. But you know, it's sometimes a struggle to tell one from the other and to make the right choices. I've always been attracted to great characters, maybe because that's what I see when I look around the real world, whether I read about it in history books or the news or just people I meet. I mean, all of us have it within ourselves to be heroes. All of us have it within ourselves to be villains. We've all done good things in our lives, and most of us have also done selfish things, cowardly things, things that we're ashamed of in later years. And to my mind, that's, I don't know, the glory of the human race. We're such wonderfully contradictory, mixed-up creatures that we're endlessly fascinating to write about and read about.

via

In your work, you have essentially captured Mikhail Bakhtin's concept of polyphonic fiction, where the characters are equal, and the reader can root for any of them. This has been impossible to convey on the TV series.

I wouldn't say all the characters are equal, but they have (hopefully) human traits, especially the viewpoint characters. I have seven viewpoint characters in the first book, and each book has a few more. So, by now, we're probably up to 12 or 13 viewpoint characters, and those are the ones where I go actually inside their skin, so you're seeing the world through their eyes. You're hearing their thoughts. You're feeling their emotions. And I try to paint over those viewpoint characters, and some of them are noble and just, and some of them are kind of selfish, and some of them are very intelligent, and some of them are less intelligent and even stupid. But they're all human, and I want to portray their humanity. […] I think the battle between good and evil is fought all over the world, every day, in the individual human heart, as we all struggle with the choices that define us and define our lives. And we have to choose what we are going to do, and sometimes the choice is not easy; it's not this absolute juxtaposition of the good guys and the bad guys. And I wanted to get to that with my characters, and show some of the difficulties that they face.

via

Another element I liked about the series was the moral relativism of many of the characters. Too many Fantasies rely on the shorthand of truly evil villains in the absolute moral sense, but your characters, while they might commit terrible acts, generally do so either from short-sighted self-interest or because they truly believe they are acting for the best. Was this a deliberate decision, or is it just more interesting to write this way?

Both. I have always found grey characters more interesting than those who are pure black and white. I have no qualms with the way that Tolkien handled Sauron, but in some ways The Lord of the Rings set an unfortunate example for the writers who were to follow. […] Before you can fight the war between good and evil, you need to determine which is which, and that's not always as easy as some Fantasists would have you believe.

via

Do you purposely start a character as bad so you can later kill them?

No. What is bad? Bad is a label. We are human beings with heroism and self-interest and avarice in us and any human is capable of great good or great wrong. In Poland a couple of weeks ago I was reading about the history of Auschwitz - there were startling interviews with the people there. The guards had done unthinkable atrocities, but these were ordinary people. What allowed them to do this kind of evil? Then you read accounts of acts of outrageous heroism, yet the people are criminals or swindlers, one crime or another, but when forced to make a choice they make a heroic choice. This is what fascinated me about the human animal.

via

Martin's realm is not one of unambiguous heroes and villains. His characters, from royals to peasants, tend to be ethically mutable. So-called good people, like the noblemen Ned Stark, his son Robb Stark or the indomitable Daenerys Targaryen ("the Mother of Dragons"), make terrible mistakes - out of weakness, pride or an overly rigid sense of right and wrong. And horrible people, like Jaime Lannister, known as "the Kingslayer," do terrible things and then, over the course of several books, reveal themselves to be capable of heroism and sacrifice.

As we're discussing this in the theater, Martin quotes Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" from memory: “The evil that men do lives after them ;/ The good is oft interred with their bones.” Then he adds his own version: “We shouldn't forget about the evil that good men do. But we shouldn't forget about the good either,” he says. “I do think a society needs heroes. They don't have to be flawless.”

via

Your books have a very strong storyline associated with the atonement of sins. For example, the way of Jaime Lannister, do you yourself believe in karma?

I don’t believe in karma per se, although sometimes I have my doubts because sometimes I think I see things that could be explained by karma. But no, I don’t really have any beliefs in the supernatural. I do believe in the possibility of redemption. And I believe that human beings, all human beings, are grey. And I try to remember that when I write my characters. We are all heroes, we are all villains, we all have the capacity for great good and we all have the capacity to do things that are selfish and evil and wrong. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. In your lifetime, you can be both. And it’s making choices that defines us as human beings. There’s this sensation of compartmentalism. This eagerness to judge everybody based on the worst thing they ever did, not the best thing they ever did. And you know, I think Shakespeare in "Julius Caesar" wrote “The evil that men do lives after them ;/ The good is oft interred with their bones.” And sadly that’s true. And I think it should be the reverse. We should remember the good things and the noble things that people did, and forgive them for their failures and moments of selfishness or wrongdoing because we all have them. When we forgive them, we are essentially forgiving ourselves. Redemption should be possible.

via

Are there any characters that you've kind of fallen out of love with, that you just don't, you know, get excited about any more?

I still love all the characters. Even some of them who aren't very lovable. At least the viewpoint characters. When I'm writing in the viewpoint of one of these characters, I'm really inside their skin. So, you trying to see the world through their eyes to understand why they do the things they do. And we all have, even characters who are thought of to be bad guys, who are bad guys, in some objective sense, don't think of themselves as bad guys. […] “What evil can I do today?” Real people don't think that way. We all think we're heroes, we all think we're good guys. We have our rationalizations when we do bad things. “Well, I had no choice,” or “It's the best of several bad alternatives,” or “No it was actually good because God told me so,” or “I had to do it for my family.” We all have rationalizations for why we do shitty things or selfish things or cruel things. So when I'm writing from the viewpoint of one of my characters who has done these things, I try to have that in my head. And I do, so there's an empathy there that makes me love even people like Victarion Greyjoy, who is basically a dullard and a brute. But, he feels aggrieved and sees the world a certain way. And Jaime Lannister and Theon Greyjoy, they all have their own viewpoints. I love them all. Some I love more than others, I guess.

Who do you think to be the most important characters?

They're all important. I don't favor them, or I don't think of them in terms of importance. The viewpoint characters in the first book I have are Bran, Tyrion, Catelyn, Ned, Jon Snow, the two girls Arya and Sansa. There is the core of the Stark family plus Tyrion to represent the Lannister family. Then I have Dany on the other side of the sea, Daenerys Targaryen, whose story runs parallel and some ways doesn't connect to the others, but some day I'll eventually bring those two stories together. In each subsequent volume I drop some of my viewpoint characters and add new ones. Although the same core still dominates, the cast changes somewhat, and I like to do that. In the third volume which you haven't gotten to yet (he refers to me) I have a new viewpoint character. He's been a major character, but now you see things for the first time through his eyes. Which I think changes your perception of things somewhat. I like to play that kind of game, because we all have our own way of looking at the world. Something occurs and two people witness it. They might have very different versions of what happened, and very different explanations. I like to play with parallax in my fiction, and get different versions of the same thing.

via

A Song of Ice and Fire has much of the complex texture of authentic history, both generally and in its specific echoes of actual historical episodes. What laws and principles (if any) in your view govern human history, and how has your understanding of historical processes shaped the series?

Historical processes have never much interested me, but history is full of stories, full of triumph and tragedy and battles won and lost. It is the people who speak to me, the men and women who once lived and loved and dreamed and grieved, just as we do. Though some may have had crowns on their heads or blood on their hands, in the end they were not so different from you and me, and therein lies their fascination. I suppose I am still a believer in the now unfashionable "heroic" school, which says that history is shaped by individual men and women and the choices that they make, by deeds glorious and terrible. That is certainly the approach I have taken in A Song of Ice and Fire.

A Song of Ice and Fire undergoes a very interesting progression over its first three volumes, from a relatively clear scenario of Good (the Starks) fighting Evil (the Lannisters) to a much more ambiguous one, in which the Lannisters are much better understood, and moral certainties are less easily attainable. Are you deliberately defying the conventions and assumptions of neo-Tolkienian Fantasy here?

Guilty as charged. The battle between good and evil is a legitimate theme for a Fantasy (or for any work of fiction, for that matter), but in real life that battle is fought chiefly in the individual human heart. Too many contemporary Fantasies take the easy way out by externalizing the struggle, so the heroic protagonists need only smite the evil minions of the dark power to win the day. And you can tell the evil minions, because they're inevitably ugly and they all wear black. I wanted to stand much of that on its head. In real life, the hardest aspect of the battle between good and evil is determining which is which.

via

When you are writing the different conflicts in Westeros, do you personally pick a side? Or feel that one side fights for a more just cause than the other?

Yes, certainly. I mean, I’ve often said that I believe in grey characters, I don’t believe in black and white characters. But that’s not to say that all characters are equally grey. You know, some are very dark grey, and some are mostly white but they still have occasional flaws. I’ve always been fascinated by human beings and all of their complexity— even human beings that do appalling things, you know, the question is ‘Why?’ And it’s interesting to get inside their head and see why. Some of my viewpoint characters have done some incredibly reprehensible things: Theon, for example, or Victarion Greyjoy. Why? Were they born a monster? Weren’t they born like a cute little kid wanting to be loved and all that? We all start out that way, right? But things happen to us on the way that lead to junctures in our lives where we make decisions, and those decisions and the consequences of them color everything that comes after. You look at [historical figures] and what’s the verdict on these men? Are they heroes, are they villains? Are they great people, or people we should despise? I mean, they are fascinating characters because of their complexity.

via

“I don't concern myself over whether my characters are “likeable” or “sympathetic.” (I had my fill of that in television). My interest is in trying to make them real and human. If I can create a fully-fleshed three-dimensional character, some of my readers will like him/her, or some won't, and that's fine with me. That's the way real people react to real people in the real world, after all. Look at the range of opinions we get on politicans and movie stars. If EVERYONE likes a certain character, or hates him, that probably means he's made of cardboard. So I will let my readers decide who they like, admire, hate, pity, sympathize with, etc. The fact that characters like Sansa, Catelyn, Jaime, and Theon provoke such a wide range of reactions suggests to me that I have achieved my goal in making them human.”

via

“You want the reader to care about your characters — if they don’t, then there’s no emotional involvement. But at the same time, I want my characters to be nuanced, to be gray, to be human beings. I think human beings are all nuanced. There’s this tendency to want to make people into heroes and villains. And I think there are villains in real life and there are heroes in real life. But even the greatest heroes have flaws and do bad things, and even the greatest villains are capable of love and pain and occasionally have moments where you can feel sympathetic for them. As much as I love science fiction and fantasy and imaginative stuff, you always have to go back to real life as your touchstone and say, ‘What is the truth?’”

via

[kasdeyalilith]

A Love Too Late

Note: So the most voted character in the poll is Diluc! Almost beating Xiao by 1 % so I decided to add him too and another surprise character in another fic but knowing my works you already have some clues hahahaha. Anyways here's the requested piece also thank you all for voting and stuff it's super fun.

Warning/s: Angst

Character/s: Diluc x Reader; Xiao x Reader

Synopsis: Grasping at the end of the thread in the hope of rekindling the lost love with you, but they're too late because you've already decided to marry someone else.

DILUC

A knock echoes across the room before Barbara peeks in and told you that the wedding will begin. She excused herself, fidgeting in embarrassment, when she realized that you were preoccupied fixing your dress and checking your reflection in the mirror. A pathetic excuse, really, anything to delay making the most important decision of your life.

Marrying Kaeya was-is the best decision for you to make, after everything went downhill with Diluc he was always there to comfort and help you whenever you need it.

Yet there's always that nagging feeling that something is still missing, because even though you're happy with Kaeya now, the love you felt with Diluc is different. A love in its purest form that was ripped from you before you could even save it.

Loving Diluc will always be the best part of your life, but it's time to move on; even if you love Diluc, you know your relationship will never be the same again after what happened.

Sighing, you left your room tightly holding the bouquet of Kaeya's favorite flowers closely after making your decision.

You crossed the halls, counting the pillars before the looming door of the Cathedral came into view.

Caught up in trance you didn't even notice the shade of red before being led away. Your body, as if possessed, yields to his touch without even knowing who your captor is.

You have memorized and engraved that very scent and the curves of his hands, the dips of his shoulders.

He stopped walking but never let go of your hand, holding it closer as if you were about to vanish before his eyes.

“Don’t do it” he pleads

Head pounding from what’s happening, you drew your hand away in disbelief. Your eyes glaring at him as if anything could be so simple after what had happened.

“You don’t love him like I-”

“Don’t even start saying that bullshit again Diluc, we’re done and I know I’ll be happy with Kaeya”

His eyes shifted as the name of his brother leave your lips.

“By marrying him?”

He moves closer to you after he realizes you won't respond. His usual hard exterior is now bare and pleading as he stares into your eyes.

“I know all those things I did is unforgivable. I won’t even forgive myself but I am still in love with you (Y/n). I know I treated you poorly when you’ve been nothing but supportive and loving especially when my Dad- I shouldn’t have done all those things to you”

“But you did it anyway Diluc, I’m getting married now and the only thing you could do is to let me go”

“I can’t”

You faced him, your heart was burning and breaking so much that even crying won’t even be enough to show your pain, he's here expressing his everlasting love for you while in the past you've waited and waited for him to tell you that he loves you even if he's warming the bed of some woman he met at his tavern.

“You’re selfish you know that? Barging into my life again as if you can undo all that hurt you caused. Well shits been done Diluc, I’ve moved on and because I’m stupid and a pathetic excuse of a human I know that even if I marry Kaeya I’ll still care for you and that I can’t live without you but don’t make me prove that I can”

He moves to take your hand again but stops when you both heard someone running to your direction.

“(Y/n)? We’re all looking for you, if you’re having doubts and or anxious, I understand we can- what are you doing here?”

Kaeya's relief at seeing you was quickly replaced with a sneer directed at his brother.

“You’re not a part of this brother, best to leave us-” Diluc tries to hide you with his body but you stepped out of his reach before he can hold you again.

“No Diluc, we’re done here. Least you can do is respect my decision”

Turning your back to him, you keep your shoulders square as you brave your way through the halls.

You waited until the walls obscure your view of him before collapsing on Kaeya's embrace, silently crying on his shoulder as you ignore Diluc's shouts of your name.

XIAO

He could feel the wind shifting, he can trace the nostalgia gleefully dancing with the gale.

The yaksha leans into the breeze as he surrendered to it, his clothes flapping against the wind. It was almost like the sound of their laughter, clear and calming even against the howl of the wind.

“Haven’t seen you relaxed like this since forever” you teleported beside him

Xiao stumbles as he regains his composure, you’re always like this, even the vigilant yaksha can be caught lacking when it comes to you. Only you.

“What do you need (Y/n)?”

He tries to be stern, crossing his arms for good measure but blushes when you walk closer to brush a single leaf from his hair.

“I’m here to deliver this”

The adeptus was just opening the envelope you gave him when you started speaking, drumming your fingers against the wooden railing to hide the nervousness in your voice.

“It’ll mean a lot to me if you come Alatus”

A wedding invitation, adorned with red and crimson borders contrasting his teal blue hues. The sides of the paper crumples under his hand before he give it back to you.

“Don’t expect me to make an appearance, the adepti are very busy to even entertain such occasions”

“But Cloud Retainer and the others are coming! Even Morax and Barbatos and Ganyu even Madame Ping!” your voice reaching a note higher to make a point.

“Why even invite me? Besides you’re tying yourself to that mortal. A foolish act honestly, you’re an adeptus and you’re going to waste your life with someone whose life is but a fickle?”

“That mortal saved and loved me when I’m in my lowest-”

“And I do not?!”

Surprised by his outburst, you tried calming him down as you smile hesitantly.

“That’s not what I’m trying to say Xiao and you know it”

“Then leave me be, go and waste your life away with him. I don’t care”

“Let go of my hand then”

Xiao only glares at you, his grip on your hand never faltering.

“You’re always like this, you always push me away then act as if you love me back. I tried Xiao, I really did but I grew tired of all this. It was like always crossing a tightrope with you. When you ended the relationship, I respected that and still tried to be there for you because before all this you were my friend but I’m so tired Xiao. I don’t think I can even be in your life anymore”

“No. (Y/n), I- let’s try again. This time I promise to not hurt you so please don’t- I don’t think I can live in a world without you in it”

He speaks softly, his breath catching as he waits for your answer.

“If you asked me years ago Xiao, I would have said yes but I can’t betray Kazuha like that”

Xiao's heart breaks for you again as he gazes at you. He can't see the love you had for him in your eyes as you usually do, he can’t accept the fact that he’s too late and already lost you to someone else.

You sighed, used to him disappearing on you in the past, as he vanished in a whisp of curling black smoke before you could move. Unbeknownst to you, a teal feathered bird was circling the mountains of Liyue, his song crying of regret and heartbreak.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive (daily updates)

From September but still relevant.

By Jessica wildfire

The science of not helping.

In 1913, an engineer named Max Ringelmann noticed something weird about human behavior. When you told one person to do something like pull a rope, they tried really hard. When you put them into groups, they didn't try as hard.

They slacked.

Psychologists have identified this behavior as social loafing. Sometimes they also call it diffusion of responsibility, defined as "the idea that the presence of others changes the behavior of the individual by making them feel less responsible for the consequences of their actions," leading to "moral disengagement."

A 2005 study confirmed that when you put people into teams, each person does less, with the exception of highly motivated individuals, who wind up doing most of the work. If you were ever the team leader or facilitator, you know all about social loafing.

It happens online, too.

A 2022 review on diffusion of responsibility revealed that it happens all the time, in situations ranging from donations to tipping. It even happens in online communication. If you email one person, they're more likely to respond. They also give longer, more detailed responses. If you email a bunch of people, and they see each other copied on the message, they don't respond at all or they send shorter, less helpful replies.

Groups also make riskier decisions than individuals.

A team of psychologists asked a bunch of adults to play with marbles. They put them into pairs. Each pair's job was to stop the marble from sliding down a ramp. They won points if they stopped the marble before it hit the bottom. They got more points if their partner stopped it before they did. As predicted, both players got worse over time. As the study concludes, "The co-player's presence led participants to act later, reduced their subjective sense of agency, and also attenuated the neural processing of action outcomes." Basically, it made them slower and dumber.

In 1968, two psychologists wanted to see what adults would do in an emergency when they were alone, versus when they were in a group. They started pumping fake smoke into a room while people filled out a questionnaire. When they were on their own, 75 percent of participants did something. When they were in a group, the dynamic almost completely reversed. More than 60 percent of them did nothing. They just kept working on the questionnaire.

When the researchers asked why, participants said they didn't want to look stressed or anxious. They figured if nobody else was doing anything, then there was nothing wrong. They figured they were just overreacting. They cared more about looking weird than letting the building burn down.

That's called pluralistic ignorance.

You see similar results in studies over the last several decades. On their own, people generally take more responsibility.

There's nobody else to do it.

When you put them into groups, they start acting selfish and stupid. They look to each other for validation first. If they don't get any signals to act, then they'll ignore what their own eyes are telling them. The more people you add to a situation, the more passive they become, the less likely they jump into action.

About a decade after the smoke study, another team of psychologists ran a similar experiment, but this time it was a man beating a woman in public. Participants intervened when they thought the man was a stranger. When they thought the man was her husband, they didn't do anything. That's called confusion of responsibility, when bystanders think it's not their place to step in or step up to help, or they're afraid helping will get them into trouble with some kind of authority figure.

A 2018 study looked at the brain's natural response to emergencies. They observed a significant drop in the central gyrus and the prefrontal cortex, the parts of your brain associated with helping. A person's first reaction is to preserve themselves. Their brain has to cross an empathy or compassion threshold in order to risk their own safety and security by helping someone. Basically, they have to care more about the person in danger than themselves.

A 2019 study in Aggressive Behavior found that friends and family members help each other when strangers don't. In fact, knowing the person makes you roughly 20 times more likely to help. Flip that, and you see that if someone doesn't know you, they're 20 times less likely to get involved.

Saturation also plays a role.

When you add more people to a situation, there's less for them to do. At least, that's what they usually think. If someone's already helping, then bystanders are less likely to get involved.

The gravity of an emergency also makes a difference. Basically, an emergency has to look bad enough to get someone's attention, but not so bad that it triggers their self-protection instincts.

You can see why this setup poses a problem when it comes to a crisis that falls way above or way below that threshold.

The climate crisis and the pandemicene hit us right in the middle of the bystander effect, exploiting pluralistic ignorance and diffusion of responsibility. It's exactly the kind of problem everyone wants someone else to do something about.

The super rich grasp this vulnerability, at least intuitively.

So do politicians.

They're perfectly happy to profit off our deaths and the destruction of our future while everyone stands around waiting for someone else to make the hard decisions, for someone else to make the personal sacrifices, for someone else to deal with the problem. Even worse, they use the inaction they see as an excuse for them to do nothing. After all, why should Monica give up her carbon bomb vacation when Heather is going to Italy?

As we've observed time and again, everyone reinforces each other's anxiety about looking weird if they're the only ones doing the right thing. They would rather sabotage their own health than violate social codes.

Some research has pushed back on the bystander effect, showing that people do tend to offer help even when they're in a crowd. However, the Aggressive Behavior study shows this likely happens because of accountability cues. In other words, they act because there's a camera present of some kind or some other indication that there's going to be consequences for not helping. That's why they help.

They don't want to look bad.

Here's the strangest part:

Most people know about the diffusion of social responsibility, along with terms like social loafing and pluralistic ignorance. If they don't, they've heard the story of Kitty Genovese, even if it's exaggerated. We have countless examples of societies allowing moral crime and social murder to happen right in front of them, simply because their membership in society itself encouraged their silence and complicity.

They know all this, but they still decide to stay silent and complicit when it's happening right in front of them.

Maybe psychologists should study that.

Even when people know about these psychological and sociological hangups, they still choose to dwell in denial and wishful thinking. They tell themselves it's different this time, or there's some kind of exception to excuse it. They still choose to stand around and wait for someone else to do the right thing, until it's too late. They're really good at admitting fault and promising to do better after the fact, especially when they can fall back on a diffusion of responsibility as the reason.

Then they wait for everyone to forget.

Rinse and repeat.

It's ironic that we keep talking about society and community as something that calls on us to summon our better selves and help each other, when our actions continue to prove that group behavior often leads us to making bad decisions and indulging in our worst selves.

Simply being in a community isn't enough.

You have to do something.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 27 – NO POWERS

This Love I Hold True by justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday)

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 3,219 Tags: Marriage Proposal, College AU, Pre-Serum Steve

Summary: Tony and Steve have known and loved each other for years, and now it's time to make it official.

Reasons why I love it: I never knew that I needed to see Steve ripping into Howard like that, but boy howdy, it's so satisfying. I love both Steve's and Tony's perspectives in this, and the proposal scene just feels perfect for them. This fic is absolutely lovely, and I hope you check it out for yourself!

He Blinded Me With Science by youcancallmearrow

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 9,220 Tags: Office AU, Found Family, Fluff

Summary: The Security Admin Department at Stark Industries has a point system in place to pass the time. +10 points for tagging management with a "Kick Me" post it note +10 points for paging a punny fake name over the office intercom without getting caught +10 points for stealing any office supplies off Clint's desk and returning it in jello +20 points for making Steve swear It's a good thing productivity isn't in the job description.

Reasons why I love it: This is the kind of Avengers team I love to see! They're giving family vibes left and right, and I love how they basically adopt Tony and Bruce instantly. And the Stony in this one is cute as hell, plus I'm giving extra points for morally upstanding decision-making regarding workplace romances. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

The weather outside is frightful by BladeoftheNebula

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 5,552 Tags: A/B/O, Snowed In, Courtship

Summary: “I can’t believe this!” Steve paused, his hand hovering over the piece of firewood. Was that—? “Of all the idiotic, selfish—“ The last of the words were cut off by the wind, but that was definitely a voice. Steve frowned. The voice was too clear to be coming from a truck or a car, which meant they must be on foot. He looked at the heavy fall of the snow. No one should be out in this. Or, Tony is an omega in distress, and Steve is just the alpha-in-shining armour he needs.

Reasons why I love it: Yeees, give me all the mountain man Steve! Neb always writes fantastic A/B/O settings, and this one is no exception! I love how respectful Steve is, especially in contrast with Ty, that weasely ass. And Tony is adorable, as usual. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too, so I hope you give it a shot!

When Love Comes Knocking (You Out) by itsallAvengers

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 8,591 Tags: Meet-Ugly, Parent Tony, Misunderstandings

Summary: Steve really just wanted to buy some goddamn groceries. Instead, he tries to help a kid who's managed to get lost in a Walmart parking lot and ends up being punched in the face by his irate and panicked father. Surprisingly, this doesn't turn out as badly as it sounds.

Reasons why I love it: Oh Steve, in today's day and age you should've known what was coming to you. I love this entire premise, and protective single dad Tony is always a treat. Also love the bad boy vibes Steve is giving off throughout the whole thing, it's a really cool take on his character in modern times. This fic is fantastic, and you should definitely read it!

What Could've Been by itsallAvengers

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 11,047 Tags: Canon Divergence, Palladium Poisoning, Service Top Steve

Summary: So. Tony's dying. Palladium poisoning is a shitty, painful way to go, but hey: at least it's his birthday party, right? A cool send off. Lots of alcohol and fun and girls and- ...And all Tony wants is Steve Rogers, the stupid Art Professor who used Tony for a booty call now and again and whom Tony had stupidly decided to start falling in love with. Whilst in the middle of getting slowly poisoned to death. God, he wished his life was easier.

Reasons why I love it: This fic is so sad and so beautiful at the same time. All the little signs of how much they care for each other just make my heart melt. I love Steve's reaction to seeing Tony's chest for the first time, and the dialogue throughout the entire fic is incredible. Definitely check this one out, it's so good!

[auncyen]

(because why not follow whims. continuing from Say What You Mean but sif pov)

You and your allies are staying together! It still seems unreal. You'd thought--everyone had said they had different plans, when you asked what they were doing after the King. And then Odile said you were only allies. You'd still had nice moments with the others during the breaks in the House, but you'd been very aware this was your last day together. When the King asked you if you didn't want it all to end like this, to be preserved at the culmination of your journey together--

You would never have agreed to be frozen, of course. It wasn't your decision, wasn't your journey, really. You'd just tagged along. You'd have to be really selfish to agree to something like that when Mira and Isa and Bonnie and Odile all have wonderful things to look forward to.

...So you didn't! And you won, and everyone was happy, and then...you don't want to think about the talk you had with the Head Housemaiden. How she looked at you with pity when she realized you had no idea what 'Wish Craft' was, even though you'd used it. Because--

(You'll never go home.)

(You'll never remember it, not fully. Just little fragments. Enough that you accidentally patched the wishes of a country together. Not enough to patch together yourself.)

You don't have to think about any of that yet. Your allies have decided to stay together to take Bonbon to Bambouche. They all want to stay together a little longer!

...You're a little confused why Odile wants to stay together if you're just allies, but you're not going to question it. You don't want her to second-guess her decision. You like Odile, you want to keep traveling with her. And you're afraid if you ask questions everyone will realize how much you've always the odd one out. Your stupid little breakdown earlier already has the others on edge. If you could control your emotions, you wouldn't have worried anyone. You'd all be having a restful evening. Instead you keep catching worried looks from the other adults, and Bonnie has reminded you twice that you're coming with them.

The reminders are nice. They reassure you this is really happening. You're not alone again yet. But you feel bad that Bonnie's worrying over you too. Or--maybe they're upset you tried to leave them, but you didn't mean it like that. You never would have tried to leave if you knew they wanted you to stay. You should probably apologize, but Bonnie's already gone to sleep, excited for tomorrow to come sooner so they're that much closer to being reunited with their sister. (You're glad you'll get to see that.)

You try your best to brush off the crying episode entirely--you're feeling much better now, after all! Tired, though. Isa comments with relief that you seem calmer when you both lay down in bed to sleep, and you smile back to show that yep, everything's fine! "I'm feeling a lot better now. Sorry about earlier." Isa looks like he wants to say something about that but you'd really rather talk about anything else, so you cast your mind about, remember something you'd been wondering before that disastrous talk with the Head Housemaiden, and blurt out: "What were you going to say?"

"What was I going to say?"

"After the King. Last night, you told me you'd tell me something after we beat the King, and you almost did but Bonnie interrupted? And you said 'never mind', but..." You're still curious. "It's important, isn't it?" To Isa, at least, and if it's important to him, you want to hear him out.

Isa's eyes slide away from your face as he chews his lip a little, thinking. "...I don't think it's the right time to say it. I think we should have that feelings talk first? I want to make sure we're all on the same page and everyone's okay."

Well, you're fine since everyone's staying together (for now). "I'm fine!"

The pitying look Isa gives you makes you wish you could shrink and hide under the blankets forever. ...You draw them up to your chin instead.

"Just a little talk, Sif. You know you can tell us how you're feeling, right? We're friends."

Not to Odile, though. And you still remember how upset Mira looked when you told her the journey was the happiest you'd ever been. Isn't it selfish? That you've become so needy for their company while they were trying to save their home? If you're too honest, if you show too much of yourself, even Isa might be put off.

You know what the answer's supposed to be, though, so you nod, and then you can't look at Isa anymore and pull the blanket over your head and close your eyes to sleep.

[bitter-hibiscus]

I made a post a little while ago about hating the RHATO dynamic for JayRoy so here's how they work in my mind (spoiler alert, it's not healthy)

Jason is in his early 20s and Roy is in his mid-30s in my mind. this is important

Jason has Rampant daddy issues and he likes that Roy is a mostly serious older man that makes him feel kind of stupid and is Just A Little condescending (because fuck the "dumbass Roy" RHATO characterization)

Roy has been grieving Lian for like a decade now and while romance is not necessarily the best way to cope with that, it makes him feel good that he can "take care" of Jason. the age difference isn't particularly appealing to him, though, but he does like that Jason is a little bit obsessed with him

Roy is very no-nonsense when it comes to Jason's Bullshit, and calls him out when he's being too egocentric and selfish. Jason, in turn, calls Roy out when he lets The Horrors get to him too much and motivates him to work out and shower and deal with Life

Both of their brains move a hundred miles an hour, so neither of them mind it when the other isn't paying Full Attention to what they're saying. This also works because Roy has a tendency to forget mundane tasks while Jason forgets big events/plans, and they remind each other of stuff constantly

I also think Jason would be intimately familiar with addiction, even though his thing was alcohol and not drugs, and it would make Roy feel a little more settled about his heroin addiction (esp considering Catherine) that Jason knows how recovery works and is willing to support Roy in the right ways

Roy is also not naive, but he is a sucker and he's desperate for someone to stay in his life for once. Jason, obviously, does not, because he can't deal with Being Happy and has a tendency to think all the evil in the world is his fault, but he comes back because he's an asshole, and Roy does believe in second chances and he would love it if Jason loved him so much that he couldn't stand to stay away (Jason leaves again because he's an asshole)

I think that after that Roy would be willing to hold Jason at arms' length but wouldn't get back with him, especially after he finds out Lian is alive. Jason, for as much as Roy loves him, is not someone he would want around his daughter. Jason is only really able to think about himself so while he does respect Roy's decision, he doesn't really fully back off, and Roy understands Jason's psyche too much to fully shoo him away

Anyway yeah I think their relationship would be a lot more grim and a lot less "idiots in love" like most people seem to characterize them as. Both Roy and Jason understand their own inner workings and know what they crave in relationships. They aren't dumb or codependent, though maybe a little inter-depentent.

[cannebady]

Well, I'm on my Stizzy bullshit.

This is steddyhands where Stede and Izzy are both smitten with each other but struggling to communicate it.

They're sleeping together, but only with Ed too and it's all Ed being dominant and Izzy being submissive and Stede kinda just being along for the ride. Anyway, they're figuring it out.

And Izzy loves how rough and possessive Ed gets loves what they do together and that they actually get to do this now.

In fact, that's what sparked his predicament. Because the only reason he and Ed worked their shit out is because Stede called them both out like a prissy little bull in a fancy fuck off China shop and if he hadn't stuck his stupid nose where it didn't belong, Izzy wouldn't have everything he could ever want.

Well, everything he used to want. He was never much for tenderness, if he's honest. Soft things don't survive at sea and he learned that young.

Stede, though. Stede survives at sea. Hell, he even fucking thrives, and he's seen that man make slow, sweet, mind-rendingly gentle love to fucking Blackbeard until Ed is sobbing, and begging, and nearly out of his mind with it.

He got to watch once and it's fucked him up ever since. Because it turns out there is something else Izzy Hands can want for. He can want for soft hands to touch him with love, and with intent. To take pleasure in his pleasure. And he supposes he could ask Ed for it, but he likes the way Ed touches him.

He wants Stede to touch him like that. He wants him to do it because he wants to, not to put on a show for Ed or to prove a point. Izzy wants Stede Bonnet to fucking ruin him with his soft hands and his filthy words, and his ridiculous cock and it's driving him out of his blessed mind.

Because Stede has seen Ed hit, kick, choke, scratch, and fuck Izzy at knife point. He's seen Izzy get his face brutally fucked by the visage of Blackbeard and yes he loves it, craves it even, but maybe, he's finding, he can love more than one kind of thing. More than one kind of person.

He handles it about as well as he handles anything else, which is not really that well at all. It starts to get into his head - why doesn't Stede initiate anything with him? The bastard takes every other damn thing he pleases, but he won't ask to fuck Izzy?

So he draws the logical conclusion; he's here for Ed and Stede and Stede is there for Ed and tolerant of Izzy. He doesn't pine for touch from Izzy, or lay awake a night imagining something as simple as a kiss. And why would he? Stede has Ed, who looks like that, and Izzy's tried to fuck him over so many times. It's not his fault that Izzy's broken, corroded heart tripped headlong into love from loathing when Izzy's given him no reason to reciprocate.

So, he makes a decision to lock those feelings down deep. He kept himself from touching Ed for nearly thirty years and he's pretty sure they don't all have thirty years left considering their line of work, so this should be easy. A piece of fucking cake.

But every time there's soft words and touches between the loves of his life, it hurts something deep in him. It hurts that Stede sees Ed and wants to give him everything and he doesn't feel that way with Izzy.

But Izzy's a selfish bastard, and he wants.

It comes to a head, as many things do, when he gets absolutely pissed on whiskey during shore leave. Ed is off doing fuck knows what, but Stede decided to come to the pub with Izzy and he doesn't know what all to make of that, but they're getting drunker and drunker, and Izzy keeps ordering drink after drink to ignore how good Stede's thigh feels against his and how much he wants those hands on him.

His mood turns sour quickly when his mind starts the whole pining lark again and, after Stede's fifth assertion that Izzy had enough and should come with him back to the ship, Izzy reaches the end of his rope.

"I'm a grown man, fuck off you poncey twat" he growls and he wants to inhale the words back into his stupid drunk mouth because Stede looks stricken, then like he's gathering up pieces of himself to put back away.

"Well then, alright." Stede replies and then gets up and walks out like he isn't taking Izzy's mangled heart with him.

Fuck.

He has a few more drinks because at this point why not? What does he have to lose save for more of his waning dignity. Getting a room and heading back to the Revenge in the morning is a tempting option, but something draws him back to the ship. It might just be that it's a home for him; very possibly the only one he's ever really acknowledged.

He's not nearly as drunk as he expects, but he's got a twisting, roiling feeling in his gut anyway. The walk was supposed to clear his head, but by the time he realizes that it didn't, he's wringing his fucking hands and already standing in front of the Captains cabin. His cabin, some may even call it (Ed and Stede do).

He walks in with a degree of confidence that only truly not giving a fuck and approximately eight whiskeys can buy you, and there's Stede, with a light blue silk robe draped across his shoulders, perfect blonde curls sitting about his shoulders, and a pair of hastily wiped red eyes that Izzy reckons he may have put there himself. He's immediately sober in a way he doesn't expect and he feels the crushing weight of his feelings and this secret he's dug into his chest.

Stede goes to speak, but Izzy's running on regret and adrenaline and just needs him to listen for one fucking second before he loses his nerve. He's sure if he doesn't say this now he never will.

"I want you," he says, and Stede's jaw drops a bit before he inhales like he's about to respond, "no, stop, let me talk." His voice is wildly steady given the shaking of his hands.

"I do, I fucking want you, okay? And I think you're a ponce too, but I see what-" his voice cracks. Fuck. He better get this out quick.

"I want you to fuck me like you fuck Ed and I want what you and Ed have too. But I don't think it'll fucking work because you love him and you don't love me and-"

Whatever he meant to say is taken away from him by Stede's warmth, and seconds later, by one of his gorgeous, soft hands brushing the swallow inked at Izzy's throat, and by the hazel eyes staring down into his and fucking shit, he's seen that tenderness a million times before, but never directed at him.

"Don't love you?", Stede's voice is soft and brimming with emotion, "Of course I love you, how couldn't I?"

And Izzy doesn't even care that it's cheesy or and doesn't want to wonder if it isn't true. He doesn't care that he can think up a thousand reasons that he wouldn't be loved, starting with slicing up Stede's shirt and stealing a hostage, then ending with actual betrayal via British Navy, but again Stede found a way to surprise him.

He's going to say it back, but what comes out is a whine and then soft lips are over his, and soft hands are around his waist and oh fucking hell.

It's good, is the thing. Stede's holding him so gently, but also like he can't imagine letting go. As he slowly licks Izzy's mouth open he's running one hand from his hair, to his jaw, to his waist, then his hip to pull them flush, and then right back up to grip the back of Izzy's head like Stede can't fathom not touching all of Izzy and fuck if Izzy doesn't wholeheartedly agree.

He remembers that he also has hands, and then buries them both in Stede's hair. It's so soft and and this close he can see the whites and grays that Stede hasn't avoided and it makes Izzy feral. This isn't the Stede of his dreams, nor some perfect gentleman from a society that rejected Izzy from childhood, this is the real deal, the mad man, the lunatic, this fucking incredible being, and fuck its doing Izzy's head in.

When Stede breaks the kiss, they both realize that they've moved so that Stede's pressing Izzy into the wall next to the bed. Izzy's panting, barely holding himself up, and he grinds up against Stede, for the friction and to be a little shit, and Stede's eyes darken. He's so lost in them that he barely realizes that Stede's hands have moved before he's being bodily picked fucking up and oh yeah, Stede has actual fucking muscles now, which fuck fuck fuck. He gets why Ed loses his fucking mind for this.

He groans and Stede whispers into his ear, close enough that he can feel his lips, his breath, "Israel, darling, let me take you to bed."

And Izzy's breathing out, "Yes, fuck, finally". He feels safe and wanted and fucking loved and it's sending him floating.

He lets that warmth light him up as Stede lays him down, curls hanging in the space between them, before he kisses Izzy again and they're both lost to the gentle, sweet expression of love and devotion they both deserve.

[carefulfears]

so ... demons coming right after elegy, in the middle of the cancer arc is a crazy choice and i know it means something. please share all your big brain thoughts on mulder & demons?

well...it's kind of like...in elegy, they're being haunted by the future (omens of scully's impending death), in demons, they're haunted by the past (visions from before samantha disappeared). both are highly metaphorical, and both are intrusive, even though he sought out the second. the first is too much. the second isn't enough. and after elegy it's becoming clear that...nothing will be enough. she is so close to death that she can see it. she can't...hide it from him, anymore. she's been dying for a long time. and she doesn't make him face it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just get over it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just accept it, stop avoiding it. she goes to all of her appointments alone. she bleeds alone. even in elegy when they almost argue over it, she tells him that she is fine, and then she goes outside and cries in her car.

but she's not fine, she's so close to death that she can see it, and he knows that. he's so eternally aware. mulder's fatal flaw is that he can see the world, he understands every underlying system, he knows people and how they think. and when he says "i refuse to believe that," he knows that doesn't make it go away. in elegy, he tells her that he's afraid, and she tells him that she's fine. it is a system established long before this particular death sentence.

in the script notes for the last scene of never again, it is remarked that: “if it were ever going to happen, it would be now. as they maintain the silence.”

the way i see it, never again is when they knew. they are not escaping each other. they are dying together. you are coming down with me. (hand in unlovable hand). and then, in the very next episode, comes a diagnosis. they are dying together. and they are dying now. silence is maintained.

so what does she do, after her diagnosis? she buys a journal, and she writes. she writes him letter after letter after letter. begging forgiveness. begging grace. begging courage.

the page that he found, that he read, this is what it said:

“mulder, i feel you close, though i know that you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful- more than i could ever express. i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this.”

i need to know you’re out there. a few months later, in demons, a gun to his chin on the floor of his childhood home, does she feel that he’ll be “out there”? she finds out she doesn’t have much longer to live, maybe weeks, in the next episode, and she doesn’t tell him. she maintains silence.

there’s so much discourse over the choices that mulder makes in demons…it was selfish, it was stupid, it was confusing…i see people ask all the time why he would willingly do something that causes everyone to kill themselves. the answer, of course, is that mulder wants to kill himself. that’s not new, we all watched pusher. (scully watched too). in redux it’s revealed that the “gethsemane” of the episode directly following demons is not scully’s inevitable and closely impending death, it’s mulder alone in his apartment with a gun.

i’m really uninterested in attempting to moralize these decisions…what’s “selfish” at the end of the world? i think demons makes people uncomfortable. to watch a dying woman care for her reckless partner. i also think that’s…the point.

demons is desperate. there’s an obvious desperation in mulder, of course, but also in scully.

throughout season four, we’re watching scully die. she’s getting smaller. she’s getting weaker. she’s getting sicker. but as it progresses, scully is realizing that mulder is dying too. and it all culminates in demons. and what can she do but be afraid? what can she do but get down on the ground and hold him? what can she do but write about what she fears will happen to him? she won’t be there.

nothing will ever be enough after elegy. and there’s nothing that he can do that’s enough. he can’t save her (so he thinks). and…he can’t solve the quest before she dies. he can’t give her the answers that she’s dying for. demons to me is such a last ditch effort. such a hail mary. she deserved to know the capital t Truth, before she’s gone. and i think they both know that maybe, when she is gone, it will never be found.

[ahundredtimesover]

You did your big one with the last update.  I was on an emotional roller coaster. It took me almost 2 hours to read all 23K words because I had to stop several times to process my emotions with our couple. OMG so many feels and my babies I was just drowning right now, like their lack of emotional maturity, it’s so pitiful to see play out I feel like they are definitely sabotaging their own happiness and as much as I want to be mad, considering both of their backgrounds, it makes sense. it also is why they are so perfect for each other so it’s hard no scratch that is painful to see them  be a part when we know they are so much better together. Sorry my mind is all over the place. I hope for JK’s sake Namjoon has a wife. When the two families history was being revealed I really thought Daddy Jeon maybe had an affair with her mom so I was totally shocked that isw as an emotional affair with Mr Ri , like shocked stupid . Ugh I love how Hobi is all for family and willing to there fore JK at anytime . I hate how she feels that burden to server the family/company . But I do feel that JK is now being punished for something outside his control . I am drawing a parallel of how her crazy father lead to him being left in the rain as a kid and now her moms history with the company is leading to him being left by the women he loves now . It makes me question the string of fate that connects them , is this string a string of destiny or a noose that will burden their relationship to be ill fated . I am on the edge of my seat waiting for them to follow up now that everything is out in the open.

In a perfect world OC works for RKive and has a longstanding partnership with the Arts Center , I marry Yoongi and we all live happily ever after . Also I am curios where the hell is JK’s older brother at , do we know as readers . Will the family’s all reconnect at some point . Which supporting character delivers the speech to push OC to analyze her feelings for JK and his words . Is the ex boyfriend gone for good . Anymore plot twists , I am going to be up all night now .

Thank you for posting I love the series so far . I hope you ace your test/paper !!

Sorry if this is a big thing jumble i used text to speech for a large portion because I had to speak these thoughts into the universe

🚧spoilers 🚧

HI OMG U USED TEXT SPEECH? Haha why does that amuse me! I'm just imagining someone just expressing all this and says "In a perfect world... I marry Yoongi and we all live happily ever after" with a straight face hahaha but... same. 😂😂

Anyway. If 23k took you that long... Well, there's 24k and 28k. I can't shut up. 🫣🫣 But yes to emotions! We'll have more of those!

Of course, it's so easy to say that they're so stupid and perhaps they are. But similar to what you said, they have a lot of baggage that they carry and it's not easy to just give in to one's feelings when there's so much weighing them down.

And lol at the thought that there could've been an affair haha someone said that, too! But no, it's actually much more painful. And true, JK's experiencing all this and it's out of his control - he loses whether he asks OC to stay or lets her go. It's similar to her feeling selfish whether she resigns or not. We lose something with every decision we make but like Mr Ri said, we have to make them; it's the only way we can stand by them.

It makes me question the string of fate that connects them , is this string a string of destiny or a noose that will burden their relationship to be ill fated - getting all poetic on me now? BUT HMM interesting question. We'll just have to wait and see! As for your other questions... I can't say much but it'll be fun!! 🤭🤭

Pls don't apologize. I love these messages. I'm sorry I got to it late. I managed to submit my paper and my brain's just been tired for the past few days and I have 2 more to submit... HAHA but yes, I appreciate you. Hope you enjoy the rest of it!! 💕💕

[bohemian-nights]

I think the most aggravating thing about the Michaela situation is that Jess Bronwell did that genderbend to appease HERSELF. She's so utterly vile and selfish its insane. She ruined a story. She took away the opportunity from a dark skinned black man to play someone that everyone in the ton (even his own SILs) deem as handsome and crush-worthy but at the same time isn't a shallow person but one dealing with a lot of internal vulnerability and guilt. That sort of layered story, she STOLE that from a black man and not only that but she made sure John, Fran's other dark skinned love interest was done dirty too with the implication she doesn't actually romantically love him. That's not even getting into the amount of people who feel they are being cheated representation through seeing Francesca's infertility and grief/finding love again storyline. Things that media doesn't tackle with nuance or commonly at all. That said, I doubt Jess would ever have given Francesca's story the depth it deserved either way. Requires too much nuance she doesn't possess.

Then as other anon mentioned: casting Masali SIX YEARS in advance. Flying her out from South Africa. All the absolute STUPID decisions they made to make SURE Jess' fanfiction became canon: all to avoid making Sophie a black woman? And now Masali will have to deal with the ire from fans who are rightfully mad? That said most Franchael fans have been heartbroken yet really respectful about Masali which is more than I can say about Jess Bronwell's fans who have been lapping up this change and acting as if their beloved male characters weren't problematic and that Michael in the books was a misogynistic demon and his fans are homophobes in denial. Like pls. They also keep bringing up the "he was a colonizer" and as a brown woman I have to absolutely LAUGH at that. This is fiction. Michael Stirling isn't real and isn't actively colonizing the subcontinent just like racism has magically disappeared in regency England. Retconning what he was doing the years he was avoiding Francesca is far easier than gender bending the whole goddamn character. He could have been off traveling on a grief sabbatical or whatever but acting like they changed him because he was any more problematic than Anthony or Benedict or Colin is laughable. And its usually fans of those 3 who are yapping too. I wonder how they'd feel if these 3 male characters had been swapped into women?

And you know what im concerned about? They still haven't mentioned who's season is next. Benedict meets the lady in silver at the masquerade. But it takes him some good long while (2 years?) to meet Sophie/find her. So either they're gonna avoid the time skip entirely... or they're actually doing the insane thing of making Francesca's story next because Jess Bronwell has no guarantee she'll even get to tell her self insert fanfic otherwise. I'm not sure. The hints were very strong about Benedict being next season. And if Shondaland wants Bridgerton to get renewed they'll have to bring the numbers next season which means Benedict. Francesca certainly won't bring those views especially not after pissing off book fans. But also I don't trust how off the rails the plan for this show has gotten.

Chris Van Dusen had his problems but at least he never would have pulled this shit. Its clear to me that Jess is both pandering to fans with the Benedict being pan storyline and also pandering to her own self insert fantasies with genderbending Michael. I'm utterly disgusted with her and Shonda. I'm also shocked the publisher for Julia Quinn's books even let this happen considering the sale money they make with tie ins too. If nothing else, I believed this mess wouldn't happen because it would impact that symbiotic relationship between streamer and publisher.

Everyone angry about this change has every right to be and its so so valid. Idc what the "popular" opinion is. Its a very narrow-minded self serving take and celebration for those (usually white) people who are excited about this.

Everything you said 👏🏽I really can’t express enough how shocked and utterly disgusted I am by everything. Honestly all I can say is that if anyone is unhappy with this bs fanfiction, don’t give them views next season. It’s not even a fun watch anymore.

[gaykarstaagforever]

Get ready for the "pronatalists," coming to a political election near you in the next several years.

They're an unofficial Silicon Valley cult that is basically just good-old-fashioned eugenicists, including the thing where they say it isn't their fault SCIENCE and MATH say rich white people are the best humans.

They unironically think Elon Musk is the paragon of human existence, and like him, a big part of their thing is romanticizing autism...or what they CALL autism, but isn't autism, it's just them being selfish assholes and declaring themselves beyond criticism because it is a "condition." Which they openly think is also the next stage of human evolution, which is why they have to quickly breed their superior genes into the race that will "save the world" from too many poor brown people existing. Because them liking money a lot is going to help save us from climate change...? It immediately gets muddled, once they've declared their practical white supremacy.

But all this, OF COURSE, isn't racist. They're just "realists" about how bad the Earth will be when uneducated brown non-billionaires who don't even own companies get to make decisions! Because it's a paradise now, since it's being run by white billionaires.

Huh.

They think of themselves as left-wing, but the progressive left hates them for obvious reasons, so they are now affiliating with the far-right. For obvious reasons.

The only things that separate them from Fundamentalist Evangelicals is that they are atheists, pro-queer, hate Trump, and are pro-choice. But the pro-choice thing is really only about them wanting the right to discard "substandard" fertilized eggs, because they use AI to tell them which embryos will be "more intelligent" than the others.

...An odd thing to claim, considering IQ is not an actual measure of anything besides how well you do one time on a test, and you CERTAINLY can't predict it by looking at genes. But the US refuses to regulate this kind of gene selection, so of course eugenicists are going to take advantage of it.

The atheism thing seems noble and progressive until you realize it is just very rich people justifying why they don't have to follow the same ethical code as everyone else.

The pro-queer thing also barely counts, because they STILL expect superior white gays / asexuals to use IVF and surrogacy to gift their awesome genes to the future. They've cut out the need for sex to do eugenics. I guess that's kind of a new innovation on the ancient stupidity.

I for one don't trust anyone who looks at Sam Altman and says "this is the Ubermensch." Including Sam himself. Who is of course a fan of all this.

And they hate Trump because everyone with a brain hates Trump, because he's an awful person, all the time, to everyone. Other rich people have always hated Trump. He brags about it. Being rich and hating Trump doesn't make you a hero.

This wouldn't be worth talking about, because these freaks have been around for years, and obviously they have been unpopular with people on both sides of the spectrum. But now, oh boy!, they've realized they are rich and have big dreams for the Earth, so they are of course getting into politics. As Republicans, of course, because any rich person who demands the right to tell the rest of us how to live ends up over there. That's most of their thing.

The family The Guardian talked to lives in my home state of Pennsylvania, because we're purple enough to let you be weird, but red enough to help you be white. I can't wait for this movement to join the coalition of angry extremists that is already the state Republican party, and start pouring money into their master plan to re-Caucasian America. Because everything must be Texas. Because Elon LOVES Texas.

Also they abuse their children. At least, this couple does.

Posting this bothers me, because talking about them is exactly what these people want. So much so that I wonder how much of this is even true, or just them being ridiculous for attention.

But the dad hitting his 2 year old in public, in front of the reporter, like he doesn't even know that's at least bad optics, is the kind of terrible that genuinely comes from a person's black little heart.

[cosmicjoke]

what is your perspective on why EH shippers (or EM haters) are still obsessed with wanting eren to be the father even though he isn't and there was never strong enough evidence for it? like, even with the anime doubling down how eren was a still a childish boy, an idiot who got his hand on power and never once ever mentioned historia or even thinking about her and the alleged kid he left behind...why would they still want that for them? and why would they think historia would want/choose that as well? is it all seriously about eren not being a virgin before he died? is it all seriously about not handling that historia could have agency to choose any partner she wants and that it doesn't have to be the mc when the person she had a kid with was never the point or truly relevant? i can't comprehend why ppl can't let it go or why they'd want eren, a mass murderer who murdered millions of not billions of families and babies, to have a child? or why they'd want historia, who was horrified when he told her, to be intimate with and sleep with the man who just told her that? he stated to zeke that he isn't pursuing a relationship with mikasa because there's no point because he was gonna die, so why is the logical to them that he'd then not only have a relationship with someone else he wasn't interested in, but also a child at that? i swear this series has the most wild, weird and unsettling ship war logic i've ever seen in any fandom, unsettling because it borders delusion with how certain they are and can't let it go that it was always just a shipping fantasy. eren didn't need to be with ANYONE in that way for very good reasons

That's a good question.

I think they can't let it go because they've convinced themselves in their head that this was absolutely the direction the story was headed (despite, as you say, there never being any, actual evidence that Eren was in love with Historia, or that they had sex and had a baby), and when it didn't pan out the way they'd theorized it would for months and maybe even years, they couldn't handle the fact that they'd misinterpreted the story, and so they lashed out by saying the ending was "bad" and "made no sense", acting as though, if Isayama had simply followed their own, deluded theories and ideas, the ending would have been perfect. Basically, they just can't admit they were wrong, about Eren, about Historia, about the story and what the story was about. That's something a lot of people suffer from, lol, the inability to admit when they're wrong.

So they still cling to this notion that Eren and Historia should have been in love and their crazy theory of the baby being Eren's should have panned out.

Historia got pregnant on purpose to delay having to eat Zeke, and in so doing, she allowed Eren and Zeke both to go through with their genocidal plans. Historia definitely has agency, and she exercises it. She makes this decision on her own, for herself. Nobody makes her, nobody forces her to, nobody suggests it. Eren had nothing to do with it. And it's in line with Historia's character, too. She was always an extremely selfish person. She flat out admits that during the Uprising arc.

Anyway, yeah, it's just because people are mad that their theories about what was happening turned out to be completely off the mark, and they can't accept that. So they blame Isayama and say the ending was terrible and stupid, and continue to cling to the idea that their ending would have been so much better, lol. It's just sour grapes.

[mouseratz]

what I also think is interesting is how Lois lane is often criticized for her love triangle with superman and Clark being unrealistic or whatever, but completely ignore the conflict of wanting to marry versus pursue her career that is shown in some of the stories, which makes absolute sense- she feels she has to choose between those things; she only has time for one. (I actually think this is pretty clear in her 78 characterization.) and, sometimes, she chooses her career over Clark, and sometimes over both Clark and superman. while it's stupid to believe that no woman can have a job and romance or family, & it is off-putting and weird in new stories, I think the farther you go back in time, and consider the norms of the period, the more valid a concern it is. (Today it's still unfair because like, women are expected now to have a career and a family and still do all of the domestic labor all at once and it's considered selfish to choose anything else or be unable to juggle all of it, while men can choose to just have a career and not a family and be considered successful and it be a rational decision*, even though they're less likely to be forced to make it and usually do have both, they're encouraged to put their needs first, whereas women are told they're on a ticking clock with less value year by year if they ever want to become a wife or mother).

*if it's important and not emasculating in some way, it's not a 'girlish' career. if a man wants to be like a creative or something that's considered lame.

so idk, for Lois, it makes sense as a conflict to me yet it seems like people are like "why didn't they just get together already if she likes Clark" because she doesn't want to be a housewife (and eighty years ago I think the expectation was for a Housewife if you're a wife at all); she likes being a journalist and doesn't know if she can do both

The divide between her opinion of Superman and Clark is also often characterized as Lois being shallow and selfish, not liking Clark because he's clumsy or shy or Too Normal, but I think it makes way more sense- Superman is fantastical, larger than life, someone who comes and goes on a whim. How would you even date him steady? Could he even get married? Where does he live, where does he sleep? Who knows?

Clark is just her coworker and friend (and sometimes rival); if she went on dates with him, really liked him and let him know about it, they could feasibly get married and have kids and the whole white picket fence thing. Which, in some characterizations, is exactly what Lois doesn't want. She likes her life as is, she likes excitement and adventure as a reporter. She almost always is shown as having a desire for romance, but not necessarily for a family*.

*Silver age Lois is a whole different can of worms. just, yeah. it's a whole different thing.

But anyway, looking at it this way, of course you'd like Superman better, of course you'd be way more comfortable saying how much you like him. There's no risk in it. Even if he reciprocates, he's only around every now and then. So yeah, she does like him more because he's not human, but also because he poses no threat to changing her life in a way she's not ready for. He's safer because he's less real, because he's above it.

(and, yeah, this would work with an idea of a lesbian interpretation, it's not so dissimilar from the idea of comphet, but it's more than that, too, I think- it's about commitment posing risk regardless of whether she is attracted to him.)