#they're a mess and literally no words can explain exactly why and how they're a mess.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

if you're looking for some Jam coded songs might I suggest the song I Love You Too - Ezra Bell

Jam song jam song jam song jam song yayayayayay

okay, it got a little long so: thingy bob

god this is so perfect for them though :] its so happysad and that's literally just so them. they are happysad together, theres so much wrong going on around them and they're all they have to turn to for comfort, so of course they're going to turn to each other. And they do love each other. they definitely do, but its definitely complicated. It's not long lasting love, but they still want to make each other feel loved.

Especially Tim. he wants to make sure Jay feels loved, he wants to fix Jay even though he definitely can't. Jay has to fix himself, and he doesn't want to, so he'll take all the nice things and the i love you's Tim will tell him and he'll hoard them and hope they'll fix him a bit, but not too much. He wants to be fixed enough that he stops feeling completely like shit, but not enough that Tim wouldn't need to keep trying to fix him. (Does that make sense lmao? god knows)

All of the lovers have moved on But yours is the steepest of hills And you glare at yourself in the mirror They all know things that you never will

They'll feel the things you can't access As they stand by the river at dawn You've grown older and cagey and classless And regret just what little you've done

This bit feels especially like its about Jay. Kinda like, at first its Tim in uni? like, he kinda knows about jay and alex even though they haven't actually told anyone (they're just not subtle about when they sneak away, and when they both come in covered in hickeys) like, Tim can kinda tell from just, Jay's face that there's something not ideal about his and Alex's arrangement, and he can take a pretty good guess at what it is given the way Jay's face drops whenever the topic of sexuality comes up in their little 'friend' group and Alex insists he's straight and gets really defensive over that fact.

Then it becomes current Tim who knows more about Jay and about Jay and Alex's not-relationship, and he knows that as Jay's gotten older he's gotten more cagey about everything, more like, defensive and more just generally weird about his relationships with people and all that. There's a specific word i'm looking for and I just can't for the life of me find it, but like yeah. Tim knows Jay's a lot more, like, spiteful? that's not the word either. spikey? WORDS ughhhhh, anyway

i love this song. its so them. its so Jam. they're such a mess. I love them but they're gonna be terrible if they're allowed to continue for too long. Ugh why can't i just telepathically beam my thoughts and ideas into peoples heads, it'd be so much easier than trying to translate the colours and shapes that make up how i feel about Jam in sorry its locked in my head.

They're just purple right now. like the colour of a bruise that you really wanna press on just to feel it hurt like a bitch so you remember its there and you know that the bump that gave you it actually happened.

that's them in my head right now.

they're a bruise

They're a bruise on each other. not a nasty one. not one given cruelly. but not one given as a hickey either. just a bruise given kindly. that doesn't even make sense.

they're just purple like a bruise i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwww. words don't make it make sense for themmmmmmmmmmm.

they're my babies and they hurt each other without even meaning to. but given where they are that hurt is sort of a kindness? because it's not as painful as it would be if they weren't trying to be gentle with each other. They're trying. even if it wont last forever.

[zephyrchama]

This spontaneous post is my way of coping with Obey Me!'s constant back-to-back events. They're all starting to blur together in my memory. ;u; ---

Lucifer frowned. His eyebrows were furrowed in displeasure as he announced, "we have a situation."

You rolled your eyes. There was always a situation. One of his brothers was always causing trouble for somebody. "What is it now?"

"Come with me. I'll explain as we walk."

You were rather preoccupied, your favorite show was starting soon and for once you wanted to watch it live. It wasn't fair you always had to clean up somebody else's mess.

You implored Lucifer, "can't you just tell me now? On a scale of, like, 'somebody is trying to skin Mammon for selling snake oil' to 'the three realms as we know them are going to be annihilated,' how bad are we talking?"

After a huff of impatience, Lucifer came up with an impressively succinct explanation. "A slumbering water spirit in the palace gardens has awoken for the first time in ten millennia and is threatening to drown the entire Devildom unless it speaks to you, so hurry up."

So this was a true disaster. You asked, "Why me? Isn't it literally Diavolo's job to protect the Devildom?"

"Yes. He tried to, but seeing as you are the embodiment of all that we love and hold dear, the spirit is more interested in speaking with you."

"How exactly does the spirit know about me? Can it read minds?"

The furrow between Lucifer's eyebrows deepened by the second. "Lord Diavolo wouldn't stop gushing about you in front of the spirit. He couldn't help himself. Even Barbatos chimed in with words of adoration."

"Did you gloat about me too, Lucifer?" Such snark showed how unphased you had become in the face of crises that only you could resolve, but Lucifer did not find it amusing.

He didn't deny it. He simply said, "if you don't get moving, the spirit will probably come and hunt you down. Which I'd greatly like to avoid, along with a massive flood."

You groaned and rose to your feet with reluctance. Better get this over with so the TV doesn't get destroyed. "You said this water spirit's been asleep for eternity, but I swear this exact same thing happened last month, too."

Lucifer was quick to correct the record as he draped a jacket around you. "That was an ancient magic flower."

[valsverse]

"here comes the sun."

synopsis: a son of poseidon and a child of apollo is quite an interesting combination. pairing: percy jackson x gn child of apollo reader headcanons. word count: 0.8k

• First of all, absolute power couple.

• Percy's expertise in water-based activities and your talents in archery and healing provides a unique balance and synergy in your relationship. Together, you're a powerhouse of skill and talent. You'd both be able to play off each other's strengths and cover each other's weaknesses very well, with your different skills being an advantage. (everybody knows this. you two aren't allowed to be on the same team of Capture the Flag anymore because in no world would that be a fair game.)

• Percy is absolutely in awe of you. He thinks you're the coolest person in the world and he's especially enamored with your musical talent. He feels a deep sense of pride whenever you perform because not only is he amazed by your abilities and dedication but also, you're this talented??? How??? Like, you're gorgeous, intelligent, skillful, AND you can shred on the guitar?? Leave some for the rest of us, damn.

• Painting dates!! Sort of. Most of the time they consist of Percy doodling on the side of your canvas while you actually paint, but neither of you mind. Percy's drawings are — in your opinion — the highlight of the entire date. Some of your favorite doodles of his include stick figure drawings of you and him, copies of whatever you're painting, and random water buffalos for literally no reason whatsoever… but they're kinda cute though.

• Jam sessions in music stores aren't uncommon when the two of you are on break. They usually consist of you trying out different instruments while Percy trails behind you, asking the most miscellaneous questions.

"What's this thing?" Percy asks, holding up a device that he found while you were browsing. "It's a capo," you respond, checking the price tag on a lyre you've had your eye on. "It's used to raise the pitch of the strings on a guitar by clamping onto the head." "Why's it look like a laundry clip?" "Some questions are better left unanswered, Percy."

• Percy is big on quality time and he loves partaking in your interests. He never really bothered to improve at archery, but if you're practicing it then he's going with you, even if he's not very good at it. He doesn't even particularly mind when you chide him for messing up because he can tell by your smile that you're not really mad at him and — okay, he's not exactly trusted around your guitar anymore either, but it's the thought that counts.

• Your boyfriend loves, loves, LOVES when you show off your artistic abilities. Just when he thought you couldn't get more talented, he sees you working on a painting and, gosh, it's like he fell in love all over again. He just finds it so impressive how you can tell so many stories through your art, and he most definitely has a few of your pieces framed. He lets you draw on his personal belongings all the time. His sneakers, skateboard, you get the point. And he always stares at them whenever he starts to miss you too. Hell, he'll even let you doodle on his arm if you want to. (he traces over your doodles when they start to fade.)

• One of Percy's love languages is definitely physical touch. Whether it's a hand around your waist or an arm slung around your shoulder, he's always touching you in one way or another. He also shows his physical affection with smaller gestures, such as linking pinkies, leaning his knee against yours, playing with your fingers, etc. Also, hand kisses. A lot of them. I'm talking Jane Austen style, warm kisses to each of your fingers before parting.

• Matching jewelry!! A while back, you gifted him a sun necklace, which he proudly wears around the camp. In return, he bought you an ocean charm for your charm bracelet.

"So we can match!" Explained Percy, clipping on the charm to your bracelet as you held out your hand for him. "And look," He said once it was secured. Percy flipped over the charm to reveal your initials and his, joined with a plus sign engraved on the back. The charm jingles around whenever you two hold hands, which causes both of you to smile. ( + percy runs his fingers over the necklace you gifted him whenever he starts to miss you :( )

• Percy often collects things that remind him of you. Lemon-flavored candy, sunflowers, heart-shaped rocks, you name it. He keeps them all arranged neatly on his desk, right next to the origami hippocampi you made for him.

• You two are so in sync with each other, it's crazy. If you're ever in a "don't laugh." situation, do NOT look over at Percy because the second you two make eye contact, you'll be laughing up a storm.

• Your personalities complement each other so well; your presence being a soothing balance to Percy's sometimes impulsive and unpredictable personality. You're the light of his life and he wouldn't have it any other way.

a/n

thank u for all the requests, but i decided to go with this one!! requests are still open tho cuz im in desperate need of inspo. (ik it says requests open for riodanverse but i mainly write for just percy now.)

okok see u next time!!

xx, val.

[myheroblogs]

Yoichi and All For One are IDENTICAL TWINS (and what it means...)

Okay, I know this acc has kinda been dead for over a year or two by now and I haven't exactly caught up with MHA, I only started reading the last 3-4 chapters, and I wasn't planning to revive this acc after being inactive for so long, but I discovered something that I CAN'T keep quiet about.

In the newest chapter, further detail on Yoichi and AFO's backstory is revealed (Yes! The chapter I've been waiting for!), and surprisingly, AFO and Yoichi are TWINS! I think very few people really thought of the concept, so it was unexpected in general.

I assumed they're fraternal twins, because while they're twins, the anime showed them having different eye colors... (Yoichi has green eyes and AFO has red eyes)

...Until I realised that isn't actually possible.

Because TTTS (twin to twin transfusion), can only occur in IDENTICAL TWINS.

In other words, yes, Yoichi and AFO aren't just twins, they're IDENTICAL TWINS. Anime may be wrong about eye colors again (like how they were for Iida's).

And while it's both unexpected and funny to think about all this (I mean, c'mon, that means Yoichi could've had the exact same face as his brother-), a lot of people may have missed the very BIG implication that this has.

Remember, identical twins share the exact same genetic makeup. After all, they are basically what should've been one person but got split into two somewhere in the early process.

But aren't y'all forgetting...

...that QUIRKS are also genetic?

If AFO and Yoichi are identical twins the entire time, with the EXACT SAME GENETICS, then that would mean that the quirks they have, would be identical as well. Because quirks are also genetic.

All For One and One For All are the SAME QUIRK by nature.

You may be wondering, "if they're the same quirk, why do they seem to function differently?" Yes, OFA can pass itself on, AFO can't, etc.

Well, while they are identical twins, they did suffer through TTTS, with Yoichi as the donor twin.

This probably messed a lot with Yoichi's development, and thus, his quirk. After all, while identical twins, are well, identical, a lot of factors can change how their genetics are expressed (some are expressed more than others). TTTS would've been a big one for AFO and Yoichi.

Notice when looking at OFA's functions (minus the stockpile), it's a significantly weaker version of AFO? AFO can just take and give through close contact with another person. For the transfer to even work for Yoichi, he has to transfer through DNA (blood, or eating hair??), and the only way it can even store quirks if said person inherited the quirk and passed it on like hot potato. I wouldn't even be surprised if Yoichi's quirk could only story a certain number of quirks.

The functions of Yoichi's original quirk got so messed up, it had to evolve into being able to pass itself on for it to even function itself. So much so that literally no one realised he had a quirk, maybe even Yoichi himself until after his death.(Im in the camp that Yoichi died passing on the quirk and it was Kudou who discovered the transfer ability and made the plan to defeat AFO)

So yeah, Bakugo was correct about OFA being the same as AFO all along. Except he was wrong about it being due to AFO creating OFA. It's actually because the original quirk holders were identical twins, meaning the quirks they have would also be identical. But things happened, which caused the quirks to work differently from each other.

EDIT: As another addition to this post, this also explains why OFA and AFO are so intricately linked, that the two users can start seeing into the other's vestige realm. To the point that when they both come into contact, it merges their vestige plains into one. Or perhaps, it's actually two quirks temporarily merging into one.

Since identical twins are basically one split into two, then two identical quirks having contact with each other is the same as two merging back into one again.

[mins-fins]

should've been me.

&&. you're in love with him, that's great! all he's gonna do is use that to his advantage.

pairing: lee donghyuck x m!reader

genre: angst yummy

warnings: um uh.. sexual content??? (like mentions), the stress of friends with benefits, mentions of drinking, this relationship is very unhealthy

word count: 1.3k

notes: stole fwb hyuck from jj im so sorry but hes so………😢 um anyway so yeah he kinda really sucks here but hes so sexy and beautiful and a hashtag #malemanipulator😂 and reader just kinda takes it cause they're pretty pathetic if im being honest 🙏 (im so sorry but its true) (i quite literally wrote this) anyway DONT deal with people who treat you like shit you deserve better than that 🫵 i also wrote this in like 30 minutes at 1 am and river kept pestering me to sleep so thats cool 😆!

you're not exactly sure what your problem is.

you're not exactly sure what donghyuck's problem is either.

maybe the two of you were simply meant for each other, he's a drunk mess in your house and your a sober mess beside him. although compared to him, your better at keeping yourself in check for long enough that it appears your emotionally stable, hyuck is like.. how would you explain it? a ticking time bomb.

renjun calls him that, he's a disaster waiting to happen, even with how much he tries to put on a stupid calm act. yeah, he's smart, much smarter than most people give him credit for, but he is also much more impulsive than he likes to say.

case in point, he's absolutely wasted in your home right now, whining about some stupid thing his seventh fling said or something.

he's absolutely reckless.

the two of you have been a bit.. off for the past few weeks, your very aware that donghyuck is messing with different people, probably trying to get you out of his head after you two yelled at each other like there was no tomorrow.

he just always seems to find his way back to your house, even after all the times you try to turn him away, he always slides his way back into your life, one way or another.

and you always just let him.

you now realize how you seem like a pushover. wow, chenle actually wasn't wrong for once.

your frustrated, he just decides to waltz into your house, after two weeks of ignoring your messages and going around with other people, messing around with other people, staying over at their houses, pretending that you didn't exist, he always thinks he can just get his way.

it's not like you two are dating or anything..

but you hate that it hurts.

"okay— stop screaming" you put your hands up, but donghyuck doesn't stop talking, just lowering the volume of his voice, he just continues talking faster. you close your eyes, taking a deep breath, sometimes you feel more like his mom than his 'friend that's more than a friend but not his partner'.

"donghyuck, you need to— be quiet" you say, you somehow find yourself walking towards him and place your hands onto his shoulders. he has to look up at you to glare at you, and you almost laugh at the fact, you always teased him about it before, but right now he's glaring at you, a look he's shared with you at only certain occasions.

"don't tell me what to do".

"you're in my house!"

"well where else am i supposed to go, y/n? your the one who opened the fucking door anyway!" he retorts, still glaring at you like before. he's not crazy drunk to the point that he's stumbling over his words and talking like a crazy person, but he's also not that sober either.

not like you don't have so many more other people willing to drop down on their knees for you, why don't you just go to any of their houses instead?

that's what you want to say, the words rest on your tongue, itching to escape your lips so you can finally talk about what's been bothering you all this time.

you two aren't dating, you aren't exclusive to each other, your not.. an "item" or whatever, you two just both found something you could use to your advantage, and it's not like there were any rules when it came to you two, you guys had no control over what the other did with other people.

you have no right to be jealous.

so you refrain from saying that, instead biting your tongue and choosing the first thing that comes to your mind. "i didn't let you in, i opened the door, and you stormed into my house, and now you refuse to get out!"

"you're just such a little— bitch".

you'd kiss him if he wasn't being so aggressive at the moment, you can't say that he didn't look absolutely.. well— irresistible in a sense. if you weren't so stubborn, you probably would've pounced on him already.

but you stand your ground.

for once he can't get his way, you'll make sure of it.

"actually, i know what your deal is!" he shouts, accusingly, he walks up to you and points his finger directly in your face. his expression is a mix of pissed off and absolutely smitten, as if he's in love with you and wants to punch you in the face at the same time.

"oh yeah? enlighten me?"

"you're in love with me".

donghyuck leans close to your face when he says it, spitting out the words like they're poisonous, it's like he knows just how much you feel, like he's taking apart the thoughts that have been constantly plaguing your mind one by one.

you laugh, true words, but your not gonna let him know that. you allow your expression to become one of humor, and you raise an eyebrow. "i'm in love with you? please, get over yourself".

donghyuck doesn't falter. "you're just so bothered by the fact that i'm in someone else's bed, that i don't parade around you all the time, you always say you don't mind than get so sad when i'm not giving you a hundred percent attention, you whine like a baby when i'm not here for just a minute".

his tone is a teasing one, he's making fun of you, like he's about to jump at you and destroy all that you love. he wants to see you break, he wants to see you give in, wants to watch as you slowly melt and encapsulate his words, digest them, he wants you to feel every single letter that comes out of his mouth.

it's like he almost finds you funny, in a sense—

but your not that easy to break, so you just let out yet another bitter chuckle. "okay then mr. know it all, why don't you sit down and let me help you sober up?"

"your a coward".

you grit your teeth, he just won't stop fucking talking will he? he just keeps going on and on and on and on, at this point your considering pulling out the duct tape above your cupboard and shutting him up for good, but instead you close your eyes and sigh.

"why is it so hard to say, y/n? are you really that afraid of commitment that the best you can do is friends that occasionally mess around with each other?"

"donghyuck" you drag your teeth against each other. "if you don't shut up i swear to god i'm throwing you out of this house and making you sleep in the freezing cold".

it's an actual threat, not an empty one, donghyuck knows you well enough that he can tell the difference. so, stubbornly, he sits down, arms crossed over his chest.

your not sure why you always end up taking care of him, he didn't ask for you to, he just wanted to stupidly sulk on your couch, attempting to "calm" his mind after he screamed at you, staying silent after he basically read out all your inner most thoughts to you, like he just reached into your mind and pulled out all the things you'd been thinking.

"you always get so talkative when you drink".

you've gotten much used to ignoring how much you hurt when donghyuck yells at you, it's all become a little thing between you two, you argue, you sleep with each other, you forget it the next day, then go exactly back to that.

it's not healthy for either of you, clearly, it's more of destroying you than anything, but you don't even try to negotiate with him, just let him sit there as you contemplate, standing at your kitchen counter.

"i hate you" you mutter, instinctively cracking your knuckles as you say those words.

and yeah— maybe you do say that,

but your always gonna end up right beside him in the end.

[kani-miso]

self indulgent essomnia

i feel left out being the only one thinking of insomnia as es instead of mikoto. i know it does fit for mikoto, but hear me out.

ramble under the cut

there's actually a lot of reasons on why i think about es insomnia !!

i made this before the new official lyrics came oh my god i needed to update it.

the whole motif of everyone around them being balloon headed people remind me of the es covers album. they're both covered and still have the distinct features of the person (balloon heads still having stuff like glasses and hats, and es covers having each characters character color).

mr creepypasta watching over sunao really radiates panopticon vibes. i've always seen mr creepypasta similiar to jackalope since they're basically the all seeing eye. the way that mr creepypasta takes care of sunao reminds me of how jackalope (more exactly, milgram as a whole) takes care of es, especially if you connect it with the ca theory (we'll get to that later). the difference is that mr creepypasta is actually caring (i think?) and milgram is harsh, the system is just messed up. you can also count the novel jackalopes, they really don't care about their wardens well being (novel jacka (almost) cutting of one of their wardens breath, mv jackalope being absent and verbally abusive).

"what day of the week is today?" "surviving days are too painful" every month, every week, each day, their schedule is packed with work. because they have been working mindlessly they would forget what day it is (also i'm pretty sure you can't really track time in milgram). everyday would be painful for them since there's really nothing to do except work, interrogations are also tiring.

"my smirk is more recognizeable" *bang* each interrogation, their "apatheticness" becomes more visible because the prisoners become more unbearable (ex: fuuta t2 vd ). since they've gotten enough of it, they lash out to the prisoners (ex: fuuta and es' argument).

"even when transmitted in words, they wont intersect" even when es explains the verdicts through words, the prisoners (guilty) wont understand.

"even chant for disagreements, huh, whether those are justice or evil" this line fits perfectly with the guilty 4 (and maybe some innos). the guilties are chanting their disagreement towards their verdict, but es wouldn't listen even if they're right (justice/justifiable reasons) or wrong (evil/malicious reasons).

"as long as we can only be judged subjectively" basically judging the prisoners according to personal biases. they rely on those biased opinions because the viewers technically have more authority than es. the original milgram experiment proves that people(es) will listen to commands even if they're Immoral as long as those commands are sent/told by those above them(us).

"this is the place where i can be myself" this line plays while the mv shows sunao with mr creepypasta behind him. i like incorproting this as milgram being the place where they can be "themself" (even though jackalope is still watching).

"don't mix yourself up" there's many mini sunao's everywhere. it reminds me of how the voices in es' head probably makes them confused on which thought is actually theirs. also, that part of the mv, all of those posters (?) of mini sunao's are like self promoting the song by putting 'insomnia' in every poster. it reminds me of how milgram self promotes in the prisoners mvs (ex: the perfume bottle in weakness, fuuta's phone in bio, yuno's socks having the word 'umbilical' on it, etc).

"don't lose sight of your heart" not sure if this makes sense but es' heart is just feelings of their duty being warden.

"i want to know you, and cross the borderline where neither good nor evil exists" literally the es line ever. they want to know the prisoners and their sins without personal biases (since morality differs from person to person). it really fits with one of the lines in undercover (Is it really ok to be done with deciding with just your EGO?).

"here's the night we can't return anymore, but let me go beyond that with you" isn't the kidnapping of the prisoners and es the night where they can't return no more? the prisoners are trying to make es is tag along with the prisoners to go "beyond" it (ex: some of the prisoners saying how they're both on the same boat (something like that)) milgram is the place where you can't exactly return (in the novels, there's only one person who succesfully left milgram (torch/touchi) but only because he rebelled against the rules).

"one day, we will see each other in the proper world" *mr creepypasta leaving sunao* idk it really just feels like how jackalope is absent and not caring for es 90% of the time.

↑new lyrics: "i hope we can meet in the world i envisioned" this line fits more with es and the prisoners instead of es woth milgram.

"everything will stay vacant if this continues" i actually didn't want to add this but hey. what if the "this" is milgram. everything will stay empty if es chooses to continue along milgram. i hope you understood. also the scene fits as well. the scene is mini sunao looking at balloon headed people with one eye. it's similiar to how es' whole life is broadcasted worldwide til other people can see their immature and childish acts/behaviors.

↑ new lyrics: "at this rate, i'll keep being empty in this unfufilling city".

"i intentionally threw away my longing" "it makes me sigh" "in front of my blurred future" i don't really want to talk about the lyrics, i want to talk about the mv but wtv. they threw away their personal desires (autonomy and their free will) making their future inconsistent (blurred future). ok the mv. the mv scene shows sunao being led by mr creepypasta, since nobody can see mr creepypasta, sunao looks like he's holding onto nothing. it's similiar to how es talks to jackalope. since only es can hear jackalope, they look like they're talking to themselves. (pointed out by muu)

"honestly, i'm evil with a rotten soul. i wish for misfortunes to happen." es knows what they're doing "is sort of" wrong at some point iirc ("I get that this is painful for you, but I'm telling you my own thoughts.") and ("Yet I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all of the prisoners, including you! So I don't think I was ever wrong. No matter what hell I make this place to be, I will not run away! I won't make someone else deal with it!") <not really but they do emphasize that they could make milgram a living hell. they also technically wish for "misfortunes" to happen via guilty verdicts although they're not the one that chooses ("Shut your mouth…! I am the one casting the judgements here!").

"i even don't know about myself" "but i know my fate, riddled with misfortune, is at a dead end" *sunao sleepwalking (?) while holding mr creepypasta's hand* *sunao getting recorded live and people laughing at him* this fits so well i'm going insane. since es has weird habits (ex : mumbling to themselves alot, talking to nothing/themselves) that the prisoners can't understand, some of them just laughs at them and tell them they're weird (ex: muu). (the text on the phone filming: "♪ im rambling", 'ha?", "filming/recording something?", "dangerous wwwww", "seriously, stop filming and run away", "this guy's dangerous", "report")

"those pierced words that strike my heart" "they still haunt my memory" it fits one of the vds but i forgot which one (…This is bad for my heart. Stop it. Besides, that’s what I’d like to know as well…)

i didn't put this in bc of the image limit (on mobile rn) but i want to talk about the chorus lyrics too.

"from the depths of hell, i've been climbing up my whole life. but perhaps i can look at this ruined future and lay a flower of hope upon it's grave, even now i'm still praying. we're still connected, i saw this day in my dreams" guys this line is just so es coded idk how to word it. "i've been climbing up for my whole life" feels similiar to how es bears to keep on going with 10 troublesome prisoners ("Yet I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all of the prisoners, including you!") and ("I am watching over ten troublesome prisoners, after all. Even if I don’t want to, I’m being relied on.").

the scene is just like what i said before, their childish actions/behaviors are broadcasted to the world (in this scene it's on a big screen). also es fighting their own instincitual/childish desires is so real, they force themselves to put that wardenly facade and repress their childishness. (also the 'pray' on top is interesting). not talking about the lyrics since it really isn't important for now.

ok this is where we talk about the ca theory. the reason es trusts milgram so much is maybe because milgram supposedly "saved" them from their abusive household. how would you know they have an abusive household? you can see by how they react to physical touch and other stuff ("Don’t touch me like we’re friends.") and ("Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It’s disgusting."). you can assume that they went through csa too. the fear of being touched and looked at does not come out of nowhere, it comes from previous traumatic events that made them uncomfortable with it. also, more stuff to add up to the csa theory ("It's a personal dislike of mine. People who acts based on their sexual urges like that, that is"). if we do use the ca theory, this whole scene fits so well. mr creepypasta literally saved sunao from his abuser.

for the last two scenes, no matter how hurt es is, they would still be focusing on milgram instead of themselves.

there's probably more things i want to talk about but i can't talk about it properly. anyways omg the new lyrics are so cool i love the way they gave effects on it.

i'm relatively new to eve lore so i probably made mistakes about these two characters (mr creepypasta and sunao) so im really just basing it off of the insomnia mv only. (i love mr creepypasta (for now)!!! (fun fact: i thought on one of the scenes, the hand was pouring boiling water on sunao was mr creepypasta and then i disliked them, i just realized after a few days that it's not them (and now i love them)) (i also really like sunao,,, the mipy ever (i dont know much about tobi but they're cool))

[ban-al3x]

Do u write male readers? If so can I get one for shuji <3

Shuji ishii-peters x Male!Readet

This is my first m4m oneshot, so pls lmk if I did anything wrongng 😽

Also so sorry about yesterday! It was my bday and I was busysysy

"Love?" "Yes??" "Can I paint your nails?"

Shuji turned and gave me this weird look. "Why?" "I don't know, I'm bored. Pleaseee, I'll do anything." "Anything?" "Anything." I gave him the puppy dog eyes, he adored."Fine." "OH my God thank you shuji!!" I gave him a kiss. "You're literally the best ever." " He gave me a cute grin. "I know"

I got up to go choose colors, wondering what's be best for him. After a minute I choose blue and black. I got the polish and scurried back to him. "Okay so I'm thinking for your right hand, I'll paint your ring finger and thumb blue and the rest black. For your left it'll be the same just switched. " I explained. "..what..?" I rolled my eyes. "Your left hand will be, thumb and ring finger black and the rest blue. "Oh, that seems cool."

"Okay lemme see." I open the blue nail polish in the right hand, and take his hand with my other. I carefully glide the liquid across his nail, trying my hardest not to mess up. I go from his ring finger to his thumb. I start on his other hand, doing exactly what I said I would do.

"Okay, I'm done with the blue. I just the need the black. ?" I screwed the blush onto the bottle and grab the black bottle. "This'll will take around 5-7 minutes okay? Thank you for being patient." I say, kissing the corner of his mouth. Shuji pouts, asking for a kiss on his lips. "When I'm done handsome" I say chucking. "Alright.." Shuji mumbles.

The next few minutes go in silence, except for me humming a song that was stuck in my head. "Annnnnd done!" I exclaim "They're gonna need to dry but how do you like them?" "They look good my handsome, amazing, talented, boyfriend" He said with sarcasm. I rolled my eyes at the silly boy. "But for real they do look good. "Thank you. It takes skill to learn how to paint nails this good." I laughed. I put the bottle on the side table and look at shuji pouting, again. "What?"

"Can I have my kiss now?"

Word count: 363

Published: 04-2-23

[shenrickyz]

seojun the lovesick fool (ft. nct dream)

oh seojun is so in love it's disgusting | when?: nct dream smoothie studio choom behind

"i think that's enough photos, seojunie".

just as those words are said, seojun snaps another photo with camera in his hands. the 02 liner looks up and blinks at na jaemin, who simply gives a teasing smile. "did i get carried away?" he asks obliviously.

"carried away taking photos of jisung maybe".

seojun gasps in offense at the statement. yeah it's true but who is donghyuck to tell him that? he narrows his eyes at his older member, readying his defense for the day. "i was not! it's not my fault he looks exceptionally pretty in every photo and that the camera kept focusing on him!"

"i think that's one of your worst excuses".

seojun's eras redden, and he frowns slightly at the laughs which sound from his fellow members. jaemin throws an arm around him, giving another teasing smile. "you two are so cute! i can't believe it! young love blossoming at it's finest!"

"what are you talking about?" renjun questions judgmentally, looking jaemin up and down.

"he's crazy".

"not as crazy as seojun is for jisu—"

"stop!" seojun whines, his face probably redder than it ever has been in his life. he uses his hands to cover his red face, and jaemin giggles in victory. "this is embarrassing.." he mutters into his own hands, trying his best not to make eye contact with any of his members.

"it's not! nothing's embarrassing about being in love!"

seojun gently pushes jaemin away from him, trying his best to ignore the older's teasings and focusing on the many photos he'd taken on the camera. of course, most of them were focused on jisung. he's pretty, okay? can you blame seojun for taking so many pictures of him?

"jisung looks so pretty here.."

"yah, chenle is in the photos too" jeno scolds playfully, nudging him in the shoulder. seojun blinks, and laughs silently.

"i know! i didn't say chenle wasn't pretty jisung is just.. i'm not explaining it to you!"

"seojun is picking favorites!"

"i am not you guys always say this—!"

as seojun was busy trying to clear his name to his older members, jisung finally turns around to see what the yelling is all about, coming across a red faced seojun whose arguing with jeno and jaemin about.. something. he laughs lightly at the sight, because seojun is trying so hard to get his point across.

"so how did the photos turn out?"

"ah! oh my god you have to stop doing that!" the maknae allows for himself to giggle at seojun's newly startled expression. "seriously, jisung".

"okay okay i'm sorry" jisung hides his giggle behind his hand, laughing even harder at the frown from the older. "ignoring that, the photos, how did they turn out?"

seojun quickly looks back down at the camera in his hands, then looks back at jisung with a smile. "they turned out nice, you looked so pretty in all of them.."

the formerly giggling jisung is quickly reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess as he tries his best to register the other's words. the two are left awkwardly staring at each other for a moment, flustered out of their mind, but seojun breaks the silence by laughing lightly. "what? why are you so silent?"

"you're so— you're so annoying" jisung mutters under his breath, arms crossed and cheeks dusted red.

seojun pokes his cheek, and the youngest pretends to be annoyed by the gesture. "and you are so cute".

"that's not fair".

"um.. yes it is! you can't argue with me, i'm older, so i'm right".

"that is also not fai— hiki tell seojun he's wrong!"

"i am not wrong! you're wrong!"

and just like that, the lovebirds begin arguing. what are they arguing about exactly? the rest of the dreamies have absolutely no idea, but they're equally as flustered as the other.

"ah, young love" jaemin muses humorously, smiling proudly at the sight of the two. renjun, again, gives him another judgmental look, nudging him lightly.

"you're acting like you raised them".

"um because i literally did? i'm the only reason they're even together!"

"that's more of a bad thing than a good thing right now.."

jaemin lets out a snicker, listening to the two youngest argue over something unintelligible as jeno rolls his eyes at their stupid shouting.

[lukabitch]

Sorry if the requests are closed I couldn't find a post detailing it

Anyway can I request trans masc reader who's too nice for they're own good and tries to talk sense into the killers

Preferably Wraith, Hillbilly and Bubba but I'm fine with Ghostface or anyone besides frank and freddy

Request are almost always open. The reader sounds like the most innocent thing in the realm. Thank you so much for the request! :)

Killers: Wraith, Hillbilly, and Bubba the baby boy.

Tw: typical dbd violence, mentions of cannibalism, parental abuse mentioned(Hillbilly and Bubba), transphobia.

Wraith:

Oh okay.

He’s a bit confused but it doesn’t bother him as much.

He’ll just continue with the trial as usual but would give you the hatch.

Finds it cute when you try to talk him out of it every trial.

Usually ends up saying your too pure of heart.

Has told you on multiple occasions that he would stop if he could. It’s just a ghost haunting him.

Every damn time you would pull him into a hug telling him it doesn’t have to be like that.

He almost cries when you do this. Your just too sweet.

He would become more defiant to the Entity.

Practically protects you with his life. He won’t let anything happen to his sweet boy.

If someone was being transphobic towards you they will be missing a spine.

He has and will always be there for you. You mean too much to him to let you be upset.

He loves you with all his heart. You showed a side to him he thought was lost long ago.

Hillbilly:

Someone actually showing genuine concern for him? He’s never had that happen before.

Seriously he literally melts from just you showing concern and trying to get him to change.

He’ll just let you ramble to him about how he could be a good person.

He always pats you on the head and walks off.

Even if he wanted to turn a new leaf he couldn’t exactly communicate that to you. He doesn’t know exactly how to speak because of the neglect and abuse of his parents.

He can only really make noises that sound like words. Lucky for him you were quick to notice what he was trying to say.

With how nice and innocent you are it repulses him to have to hurt you. He honestly doesn’t want to so he saves you for last to make it less painful.

He lets you go when he can.

Every time he does let you he sees you smile and lets you ramble about how you could let all of them go next time.

He never does let all of you go. He can’t take the beating the entity would give him.

If someone is being transphobic they will be horrifically dismembered.

One time you were trying to talk sense into him and a survivor yelled slurs at you from afar.

Yeah they didn’t last long he will protect with all his heart. It’s his only way to show that he cares without being sucked into the void.

Bubba:

He’s incredibly confused.

Remember he was raised into believing that it was normal to eat people.

After awhile of you trying to talk him out of it he gets a bit weary. He truly takes your words to heart.

Remember how he treats Stretch in tcm2? He treats you very similar.

He’s kind to you and tries to keep you being alive low key. It doesn’t work at all but come on he’s trying! :(

He gives you a hug every time you try to talk him out of it.

He can’t communicate properly at all. He can only make a mess of noises and squeals.

He considers the two of you close and bring you gifts! Isn’t that lovely?

The gift was makeup, it makes him happy why wouldn’t you make happy?

You tried to explain to him. He does kind of understand what your saying just very loosely.

He just saw you become really uncomfortable when someone was calling you a girl.

It’s chainsaw time baby! He swung it like his life depends on it.

At the end of the day he wants to change for you because he cares about you. He just can’t change due to circumstances.

[transenbyconfessions]

Alright. So, I'm trans. Obviously.

And, as is the case for many people, my birth mother happens to be a piece of shit.

As in, you would not believe the kinds of things this woman has put me through while wearing a smile on her face. In hindsight, it is kind of a miracle I have yet to cut contact with her completely, which to be honest I probably should.

With the necessary context in mind, I assume it also wouldn't surprise you to hear my coming out did not went well. But it was either this or dying before I ever reached twenty, so here we are. Literal years down the line. Surviving each day here by virtue of being myself, my eroding force of will serving as a shield against all efforts made to the contrary by somebody who was supposedly meant to guard and protect me. Who has failed spectacularly at both to the point I am long used to doing that by myself.

The point being that — the above being the case — I have numerous times now been dragged into debating the merits pertaining to the right I hold to my own existence with somebody who, against all odds and my own better judgement, I do still care about kind of a lot. Or at least enough to be able to ignore the fact that it is definitely in my best interest to just never talk to her again. Cut my loses and run and simply pray I make it.

It is, understandably, really fucking awful to have to say to somebody — anybody — again and again why you are the gender that you say you are. To be made to prove, constantly without fail, that you deserve to be alive and defy what a stupid symbol in a stupid paper says that you are. To be made aware that certain people expect this of you, again and again, will never stop expecting that of you. To put it mildly: it's stressful like you wouldn't believe.

And yesterday, in the midst of a terrifying debate that I neither initiated nor wanted to have, while standing in the wrong kind of neighborhood to be overheard — well I believe I may have hit upon the way to explain exactly how that feels. Just about.

It starts a little like this:

Imagine you're trapped on a podium, always behind the red curtain. Waiting for the thin fabric to leave the stage open and let in the blinding light of the reflectors you can instinctively tell are on. And there is a kitten (a baby, a puppy…) sitting right there beside you in a bloody metal cage.

And if you stutter or hesitate, or the person on the other side arbitrarily gets to decide that you're wrong — then the cage will collapse in on itself, and the kitten will die.

No do-overs. No retry. You're just thrust out into the light, behind this mangled frail piece of wood with a too small cage that won't open why won't it open, and told you have to defend your side.

Or the kitten will die.

Can't anybody see it from this angle? Don't they hear it meowing? Do they just not care?!

And here you stand, spiraling, when you notice something strange. Not about the multitude, but about the fancy podium on the other side of the stage.

(Something other than the fact whoever's behind it has already started talking. Given the same person who threw you to the sharks up here has already handed them a script.)

There's a cage there too, shiny and clean and brand new. Visibly resting well above it instead of behind. Except this one is made of cardboard, its surface all covered in aluminum, and you can clearly see from here that the insides are empty.

They preach to the people in the multitude about the sanctity of this cardboard cage. Attack and accuse you of wanting to kill the kitten, placing it within its own prison in the first place, whenever you try to point out that it exists and it is there. Whenever they acknowledge it and deign to pretend to believe you. Even though they're standing up here too. They should have a clear view.

Thus comes your turn to talk. Except it has actually been your turn, from the moment this whole mess started. But now the other party seems to have run out of words to monopolize it with, and only you are left to fill the silence.

You glace down at the kitten. Tiny family member, fondly remembered, beloved pet that it is. And you care.

The crowd grows impatient. Your opponent's throat clears. This is important to you.

You breathe. And you open your mouth. And every sentence you say only adds fuel to the fire consuming the curtain.

Every sincere confession of confusion or pain mere evidence used against you. Any small hint of righteous fury that you can't disguise taken as an offense. Every impassioned defense taken as an attack.

They won't hear you. Won't accept anything that you say. No one will let you leave.

And even if you could, you would still leave alone.

(There are some, you are certain, who attended only to see the kitten crushed.)

In the midst of this immovable crowd are people you care about too. People you know. Calling you a liar and a killer and a fraud. Calling you worse, for every minute more you risk to stay.

But you cannot step down, because you care.

(Even if you were to win, there's still no guarantee they won't just collapse the cage in front of you anyway. Whether out of hatred and pettiness, mere cruelty, or something else. But if you do nothing the kitten will die, and you have to try, you have to try…!)

So you take a deep breath, and go on, and hope this once someone will listen.

…And that's how I felt.

Basically.

Anyway, I almost never post or submit anything. But I am making an exception for this one because I think it's something that needs to be said. It isn't mine anymore, make of it what you will.

Submitted May 30, 2023

[ladydisdainblog]

I've been thinking how for the show set in 60s The Marvelous Mrs Maisel approaches the importance of communication in a very modern way. Good example of that is when Rose went to Paris. She felt invisible by her family and Abe indeed was deaf to a solid percent of an information around him. So they had a conflict, expressed their frustrations and both of them compromised a bit. Whole Paris adventure helped them become more open to the world, reconnect with each other and, most importantly, with authentic selfs. Taste of an independence helped Rose to stood up to her family. And parisian pluralism reminded Abe about his ideals so seasons later he got a job that doesn't bring the worse at him and can influence the world in a more visible way.

Which brings us to Midge three major relationships in her story: with Susie, Joel and Lenny.

Midge and Susie have one the most healthy relationship on the show. Since the beginning they see each other for who they truly are and inspite of being polar opposites never truly antagonize each other's views and lifestyles. They bicker and fight often but always reconnect and apologies. They tries to explain to each other why they are upset or angry or resistant if they struggle to see different perspective. And they also listen.

Then there's Midge and Joel's marriage being a sugarcoated mess at the beginning. They don't show to each other their flaws: Midge literally disguises her humanity and imperfections with makeup and Joel hides his insecurities and dissatisfaction. So eventually things get ugly, they start to fight and express their frustrations more. But also they now tell more truth and didn't hide from mess that happens in their lifes. Their relationship now admittedly dysfunctional but at least they are growing as people. (Ofc there's also constant implication that they're in denial and never truly got over each other but the show never managed to convince me that it's valid so I gonna ignore that bst and just go with the take that ugly truth liberated them).

And at last there's Midge and Lenny. Both are speakers who made words their form of art and salvation. Both love to connect with an audience. Both want to impress each other so badly but also have tremendous respect for one another and could never be insincere. They capabile to a brutal honesty when it's about the most important thing. Comedy. Their talent helps them to hide an unspoken between funny remarks and light conversations. In fact, they each always know exactly what other have in mind. But also they kind of don't know a shit because the deepest desires and all seriousness of feelings can only have weight when it's communicated. So when they choose not to talk about it, not give their connection a name they make a conscious choice in order not to be on each other's way. They could discuss it and give a relationship a try, but their baggages are so massive and drak and requires some serious sacrifices and navigation in order to live a full life together. It could in theory worked out but in a process someone would compromise and loose the essential part on themselves. So by activity denying this truth Midge and Lenny show love and respect for each other. They don't want be the reason the other is unfulfilled or give up their authenticity.

[homo-rashi]

Roommates (Original Work) Ch 4.

Safe With Me (contains Omorashi)

Read it on my Ao3 here: Link

August is sitting uncomfortably on the floor of Rowan’s room, borrowed sweatpants feeling like they are gonna burst at the seams, eyes cast down to his fingers, twiddling with the dark blue rug taking up half of the room. Gray is sitting a few feet away messing with Rowan's ipad, listening to some type of minecraft youtube video through Rowan’s airpods.

“You know…this is like breaking every single school rule imaginable, right?” Rowan says quietly, from the desk chair mere feet away from August, motioning to the kid.

“Hence why you weren't supposed to find out.” August says under his breath, feeling, not so in the mood for arguing after utterly embarrassing himself again.

“I think there is a lot of stuff you haven't told me, but I'm least worried about the kid. Seems like Max did the right thing, no kid his age should be around their parents when they're drunk. Bringing him to our super strict zero-tolerance boarding school…That was questionable but what can I do now? He is already here and it's the middle of the night.” August lets out a sigh of relief, he couldn't imagine Max’s reaction if Rowan took Gray to the headmaster. “But-” August snaps his eyes up to meet Rowans, for the first time since coming back from his shower. “We have to talk about what happened.” and, August once relieved tension skyrockers back up to his ears,

“I don't want to.” August wines, pulling his knees up to his chest, ignore the sounds of all the threats breaking in his pants.

“I know you said it's your anxiety that causes your…other issue.” Rowan says, looking at Gray while speaking vaguely, “Is what happened tonight related to that? I'm not trying to make fun of you or anything but, its-” Rowan seems just as much at a loss for words as August is.

“It’s weird that I keep pissing myself? I know…” August feels shame. He can feel this stomach tightening, his anxiety heightening, he angrily grabs onto the fibers of the rug with his hand, digging his nails into the padding of the rug, “The kid woke me up, I was dry but had to piss…tried the restroom…it didn't work. Thought I could make it here and you saw how that ended up.” August explains, hiding it will just make his anxiety worse, in turn making his issues worse.

“Why…um, did the restroom not work?” Rowan asks about the part August was hoping they would just jump over and move on from without acknowledging it, He should have known Rowan wouldn't give up that easily.

“The kid was with me…I couldn’t go with someone, you know, around.” August cringes, he actually cringes. He rips a few pieces of the rug out and bans himself from touching it, knowing he already defaced the floor of this room once tonight.

“Shit dude…If this is like- a thing for you…How the hell are you gonna manage sharing a communal restroom when the rest of the guys get back to the dorms tomorrow, It's never empty, not completely. Or during class? You can expect to run back to the dorms every time you have to go during class, you will get caught.” August swallows hard, that is exactly what he was planning to do. The dorms should be empty when everyone living in them is in class, he long accepted the fact that his classmates would think he was taking a dump every time he excused himself to pee because of how long it would take, but he would accept the occasionally poop joke at his expense to not literally pee his pants in class.

“I'm open to suggestions.” August shrugs, stumped and annoyed.

“What did you do at your old school?” Rowan asks, clearly trying to help. August looks to make sure Gray is still preoccupied before spilling another one of his horribly embarrassing secrets…

~

Most days August has his bathroom habits down to a perfect science. He would go before he left for school in the morning in his safe, perfect bathroom in his house. Of course, he would need to go by the end of the day on most days. Sure it was uncomfortable to have to walk home feeling like you have a liter of sprite sloshing around inside of you, but He managed. One unfortunate day he found he couldn't manage.

Somehow by fourth period, He was already a squirming mess. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why. His habits naturally included drinking less and making sure he didn't have tea or coffee or anything that would make him have to go more. He just knew he was not going to make it home like he usually did. Of course he tried to find a bathroom that was empty, but his public school was big, and did not have that many bathrooms. By the time he got out of fifth period and was heading to lunch, he was hardly able to think about anything else besides peeing.

So…When he got his lunch and his juice was handed to him in a tall, scratched up plastic cup, His eyes flicked with the idea. He didn't eat any of his food, ditching his tray at a random table and dumping out his cup in the trash, but holding onto the receptacle. He found an empty classroom swiftly, making sure he was far enough away from the cafeteria that nobody would wander in. Dropped his pants just enough to pull himself out and shamefully let go in the juice cup.

When he finished doing it the first time, he realized he still needed somewhere to put the cup and spill out the shameful liquid he had just filled it with. That day he ended up hiding it in his locker, asking to go to the bathroom during his next class and spilling it out in the sink in the bathroom, but all the times after that, because he did continue it for his entire time at that school, He made sure to sneak into an empty science classroom and pour his piss down one of the science station sinks.

Nobody ever found out. He never had to sit through his last period class being so immensely uncomfortable ever again, and he never had to step foot in the horrible school bathrooms either…

~

“So yeah, I'm disgusting.” August finishes telling his story, his horrible, embarrassing story.

“August, that's terrible. You shouldn't have had to do that, your needs should have been accommodated.” Rowan says, August can feel the genuine sorrow in his voice, but August doesnt feel bad for himself, the situation was of his own making after all,

“They would have, had I told anyone. I don't want to be the guy who uses the nurses bathroom, or hell, you know, the guy who changes in the stall. It's embarrassing to be different.” August would rather pee in a cup every single day then tell the Headmaster he has ‘potty issues’. His mom pavlov dogging him is another thing, it's not his fault, this thought feels like it is.

“Where the hell is he?” The door to Rowan's room slams open, Max stops dead in his tracks peering around the room. “Why the fuck would you take him out of our room? Do you know how much of an idiot you are?” August doesnt have time to react before Max’s hands are bundled in the front of his shirt, pulling him up to eye level.

“Hey, lets just calm down-”

“Shut up, ladyboy! this has nothing to do with you.” Max yells, Rowan takes a step back towards his bed, “You could have gotten me kicked out! Why would you leave? Whatever it was I was right there-”

“Stop!” Gray yells, standing up, Ipad and airpods abandoned, “It was my fault. I asked August to take me to the restroom because I couldn't wake you up!” Gray rubs at his tired eyes,

“Gray, Fuck dude. You know what I told you…” Max bends down to his brother's level letting go of August's shirt, He promptly backs away, knocking into Rowan in the process who places a leveled hand on his shoulder.

“What was I supposed to do? Pee on your floor?” Gray says, with a bit of sass in his voice, August is slightly amused,

“You drank a whole bottle of something to make you have to go, hmmm?” Max claps back, August can see the visible blush spread across the kids face,

“Hey! I'm sorry to break up…whatever this is but, It's two in the morning, I have 20 freshmen arriving in four hours and I promise not to tell anyone he is here, But can you get the fuck out of my room.” Rowan is already walking to the door, August goes first, purposely making eye contact with Rowan as he leaves his bag of soiled clothes hanging on the bathroom door handle, hoping He just washed them or tossed them.

Max stops when he gets to the door. August can feel his eyes running up and down his body, stopping on his legs.

“What the fuck is wrong with your pants? They look goofy as hell.” Max asks. August’s eyes fall to the group, meeting Grays for just a split second. He is caught. It's obvious. Anyone with half a brain would know why he is wearing Rowan's sweatpants.

“I got lost in the bathroom and he slipped on a puddle in the showers.” Gray says, taking a step forward in front of Max. August mouths ‘thank you’ to him as he passes by. He can only hope he isn't now indebted to owning miniature max any favors.

Waking up dry the next morning, or well, a few hours later is the only nice thing about waking up. He is immediately hit with the sound of chunky liquid splattering into a mental container of some sort. He opens his eyes to see Max, puking into his hydroflask…

“What the hell?” He jumps out of bed, almost forgetting about Gray, just barely missing stepping on him.

“Hnghh-hungover-sorry-” Max can barely get two words out before he is puking into the bottle again. August looks around for something else to hand him but the only trash cans in the room are mesh, not best for holding someone puke. “I’m going to huuuck- shower. Watch him and dont leave this room, get it?” Max gets up, taking the abused water bottle with him. August just hopes he tosses it at that point.

August looks down at Gray, who is still sound asleep. He decides to sit on his bed and scroll on tiktok, hoping Max won't take too long to shower. Thankfully, his prayers are answered when, gray still sound asleep, Max comes through the door, looking less green, way cleaner, with the pleasant smell of sausage and egg following him.

“Here-” He hands August a breakfast sandwich wrapped in a paper towel, all the while gently kicking Gray with his foot.

“Wake up idiot, it's already nine. Eat.” Gray groggily wakes up and takes the sandwich, and the carton of orange juice offered to him, groggily unwrapping the food and taking a sleepy bite.

“Max…” August didn't want to have this conversation, but he can't imagine anytime is a good time to talk about the elephant in the room.

“I know. I don't want to hear it from you. His mom comes back tomorrow. Then i'll send him home…just…help me watch him until then and i'll consider us even, or, i'll even owe you one.” August can almost detect an ounce of empathy and human emotion from Maxes tone so, he agrees, not like he was never gonna have the kid sent back to his drunk dad, who doesn't even feed him properly it seems.

Gray yawns, standing up and stretching his legs, rubbing his eyes to fully wake up, crumpling up the paper towel from his breakfast. “I gotta pee…” He looks up at His brother first then to August, who also has to pee, but has been dreading the idea of going outside the room, where he can hear its already busy with guys returning back for the start of the school year.

“Here, have at it.” August looks at Max with wide eyes as he hands his brother an empty water bottle from his desk. Max must notice August's shocked expression and take it as judgmental.

“Its not like he can fucking go out there! I was just in the shitter and it was crazy. Someone would see. So shut the fuck up and get out, give my little bro some privacy.” Before August can say anything, not that he really knows what to say, he is shoved out the door, his student card being chucked at him before the door is slammed and locked.

August makes his way down the stairs, slower than usual from all the people bringing in boxes and such to the higher floors. He doesn't even bother stopping by the bathroom, hearing a flush every so often he knows it wont work. Instead he resigns his fate and goes straight to Rowan's room, softly knocking.

“For the last time, No! I don't know how to work the air fryer in the lounge- oh! Hi August!” Rowman instantly looks relieved to see him, “finally, someone who doesn't look at me like i’m Cruella Devil. Wanna go shopping?” August motions to their entire floor filled with candles, hair styling tools of all different kinds, and one, large, red microwave in the middle of the small room.

“Uh-” August doesnt know what to say, but steps into the room anyways,

“Confiscated before they even made it to their rooms, funny, freshmen are so easy, if you ask to ‘borrow their straightener’ they hand it right over.” Roman laughed, kicking various straightener cords out of the way to get to his desk.

“I see now why they are afraid of you.” August doesnt sit down, or even move away from the door. He feels bad, suddenly, realizing he came here only to use the restroom, feeling like he is taking advantage of Rowan’s kindness. That still doesn't keep him from eyes up the bathroom door,

“Go piss girl.” Rowan says, seemingly catching on to August lingering glance at the bathroom.

“Sorry.” He ducking into the bathroom and quickly tries to relieve himself. He isn't as desperate as he was yesterday, so it doesn't come easy. He can hear Rowan out there, fiddling with his desk chair, but after some coaxing, he manages and for the first time in days, not even his underwear is wet. He feels embarrassed at how proud he is of that.

Walking out of the bathroom tho, he find Rowan sitting with his hands crossed over his chest,

“Uh oh, am I in trouble, dad?” He makes his way over to the bed, plopping down onto it.

“No…of course not but August. This can't keep happening. I love you, i've adopted you as my closted gay son of the school year but…you can’t only piss in my room…If you wanna talk to someone about getting a medical accommodation, i'll come with you...” August can tell Rowan is trying to make light of the situation, but he already knew he couldn't make a habit out of this…not really.

“Does this campus have cameras?” August asks, depending on Rowan's answer, he might have an easy solution.

“Like on every building, on every exit. None in the dorms though, for privacy laws or something, they can't.” That isn't the answer August wanted to hear.

“Guess pissing on a random tree isn't an option...” August wants to die. He can’t believe he is already in this type of situation, school hasn't even started yet. He cannot and will not become the weird outcast kid who has pee issues. He wants to actually have friends, besides Rowan and his crazy roommate.

“August…” He stands up. He doesn't want Rowan's sympathy, not right now at least. He has embarrassed himself enough in the last twelve hours,

“It's fine, Rowan, I can handle myself but…”

“If it's an emergency please don't hesitate to come here…” August goes to the door. Knowing he will now, always hesitate before coming here. To Rowan. And he can't even be mad. It's annoying to have someone barging in your private space when said person is refusing any help from adults. And it's not like Rowan can say no to a friend with their hands between their legs begging to let them use your bathroom, like last night. August decided then and there, he will come up with a fool proof solution to his problem once and for all…He cant put the stress of his anxiety on another person.

***

Unfortunately for August, the next time he found himself needing to pee was only a few hours later without a single idea of how and where that was going to happen. Luckily though, He had other things to worry about.

“No! I don't want to!” Gray kicked and all but screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Come on, you did it earlier without a problem.” Max looked just about done with his little brother. The two of them have been cooped up in this room for the better part of a day. August went and sat under a tree in the courtyard to clear his head of what happened this morning, only coming back to chaos. At first it was a lack of headphones that didn't hurt Gray's head, causing Max to have to sit and listen to some guy called Dream play minecraft on twitch for four hours. Now, it's a more alarming issue.

“That was when I was tired and didn't realize it was gross!” Gray literally bats the empty water bottle out from Max’s hands, it goes flying onto August’s side of the room, he stares at it, wishing he could grab it and just go inside it, but no, he couldn't…could he?

“I wanna go to the actual bathroom! It's not fair, you left to pee like, six times already!” August eyes widen at the embarrassing admission, Six times is a lot, Max also must know this as his demeanor changes.

“Fine!” he yells, storming over to his desk and slamming his headphones on. “Piss yourself for all I care, it's not like I had to get drunk to save your ass less than twenty-four hours ago.”

The room goes silent besides Max clicking away at his keyboard. If there is one thing August has learned, its Max might as well not exist in the small room when he is gaming. He can't hear anything with his headphones on and does not take well to being interrupted. August goes to roll over, to try and ignore his aching bladder, but he stops when he hears a muffled sniffling. He wants so badly to ignore it. So bad to just focus on his own problem and not some kid he doesn't know, but…he owes him for last night.

“Hey…” August gets out of bed and walks over to the kid, who is standing in the middle of the room, crying, aggressively wiping at his eyes.

“Hi.” He looks up, red rimmed and clearly annoyed at this current predicament.

“Max can be…a little…” August doesnt know what to say, mean? Is that mean? Rude? Not that worse than mean.

“A total dickass?” Gray blurts out. It takes all of August's willpower to not laugh, but he can't say he doesn't agree with the kids' statement. August looks up at at Max then back at Gray,

“Listen. You saw what happened to me last night…it's not fun to…have an accident. I don't think I ever thanked you for not telling your brother.” August whispers to the sobbing kid.

“I knew he wouldn't be cool about it. He has made fun of me before…it's not that he- He just, Ugh. I have to pee, please take me to the restroom.” August feels bad for the kid and he can more than sympathize.

“Would it help if me and your brother left the room?” August tries to think of what would make him most comfortable, and being alone definitely would help.

“Maybe, but…the bottle…its…” August can tell the kids want to say something but he is hesitating, looking back at his brother then back at him.

“Is it a secret? Wanna whisper it so Dickass doesn't hear?” August gets a chuckle out of the kid, who nods. He bends down so his ear is right next to the kid's mouth.

“The bottle didn't work earlier. It got all over my legs and… hands…I didn't tell Max because I was afraid he would make fun of me.” August feels the gears click into place. It makes sense. He definitely didn't have the best of aim when he was in middle school, at that it is embarrassing to admit. August looks around, His eyes lock on his hydro flask, that it is sitting atop a paper towel as if its been washed out and it drying, cap set just to the side.

“I think I can help with that.” August, begrudgingly, walks up to Max’s desk and grabs the bottle, in turn, making Max take off his headphones and give him a disgusted look.

“Hey!…I only washed that fuckin thing with a tide pod in the laundry room sink…it should be like bleached before you drink out of it.”

“Here. It's fine, I was gonna toss it anyway, it has a big opening, see. Come on dic- I mean Max, I need to talk to you in the hallway.” Max looks at his brother then back at August, with a less then please look on his face, but eventually, he gets up and follows August to the hallway.

“What?” Max says the second the door is closed,

“Huh?” August looks at him confused,

“Don't ‘huh’ me? You're the one who wanted to talk to me out here.” August rolls his eyes, he can now add dense to the list of stereotypical stupid bad boy stereotypes this guy lives up to.

“You really don't know why we're out here?” August asks, Max, annoyingly shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

“You were really gonna let your little brother wet his pants?” August can't believe those words are coming out of his mouth, and to his roommates of all people right now, but under these circumstances, he feels like he has to.

“He is a smart kid. He won't piss himself, he isn't a baby!” Max seems offended, August can't begin to fathom why.

“Being smart has nothing to do with when you have to take a piss...If I didn't give him my water bottle, he would have! by the way, thanks for ruining it, not like I didn't have a sentimental attachments to any of those stickers from my home town or anything!””

“Gray is…” Max’s eyes go wide, as if all the moving parts just clicked into place.

“Yeah, news flash, A thirteen year old might have trouble pissing into the opening of an arrowhead water bottle, especially if they are half asleep!”

“Fuck. He crawled back into bed after you left and didn't move for hours…did he…you know,?” Max motions to his pants, August cringes, but knows what he is asking.

“I think so… he didn't give me all the details okay…I shouldn't even be telling you but, he probably shouldn't keep wearing those pants and his underwear.” August knows sitting in even a little bit of piss can be really irritating, it's not comfortable.

“Stay here and lock the door… I gotta call his mom.” Max disappears down the hallway, August, who did a very good job of acting like he wasn't just terrified for his life, immediately throws his hands between his legs, slipping in the door of the room before anyone can see him.

“Hey thanks for th-oh.” August immediately stops wiggling around when he remembers the whole reason he was in the hallway, the kid. The kid who is holding his capped hydro flask, staring at him doing a potty dance for the second time in the day he has known him.

“No worries, just leave it by the door. I'll throw it out later.” August cringes at how forced his voice sounds, not that it's not completely obvious he is having a situation…

“It's not full, I mean- I didn't, you can… I'll hide in your closet.” August can't believe he is even considering it, but he is.

“You can't tell your brother, please, It's- I have, it's a long story.” August says wiggling in place over to snatch up his water bottle.

“Airpod are noise canceling…I know you- I heard you tell that girl about your problems at your old school.”

“Rowan is a boy and-” Gray cuts him off,

“Go potty, it can wait!” August waits for Gray to close the wardrobe doors, immediately uncapping the bottle and shuffling over to the farthest corner of the room. Cringing at being told to ‘go potty’.

“Please, please.” He begs his body to cooperate just this once. He pulls himself out, aligning his dick with the top of the bottle, seeing that it is indeed not too full, less the half it should hold majority of what he is holding, if any would come out. “No, come on. Nobody is here.” August pleads to himself, second later, a small, painful stream starts to exit his body.

His stream starts to pick up momentum. The tinny splashing noise it makes going into the bottle makes him slightly self conscious, but he doesn't care, he doesnt care at all until he hears a knock at the door.

“It's me.” fuck. August thinks to himself, trying to cut off his stream, but now that he is going, like actually, he can’t stop. “Hello? Can you let me in”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” August doesnt know what to do, Suddently the wardrobe door opens. Gray comes out, with his hands covering his eyes. August tucks himself rather into the corner, trying to just finishing peeing,

“No. I’m mad at you.” Gray shouts back on the other side of the room.

“Gray, Where is August? August let me in!” Max pounds again, August stream has slowed down, not because he is near empty, but because of the voice, people talking. But he cant stop it, it would hurt and he doesn't know when he will have this chance again.

“He has headphones on and is in bed, he can't hear you.” August doesn't want to focus on what the two brothers are saying, but he is and he can't help but agree that Max was right, August is a smart kid.

“Come on, Gray. I’m sorry I got mad, you know what dealing with dad does to me…and alcohol.” Gray takes a step closer to the door,

“Yeah, I know what alcohol does to you. That's why you should have known I wasn't lying when I said I needed to pee.” August wonders what gray means by that, but he doesn't dwell on it, feeling his bladder finally run dry. He caps the bottle, tucking himself back into his pants.

August sets the now full, hydroflask down by the door, bidding it the weirdest farewell, since he is for sure throwing it out the second he has a chance. He taps Gray's shoulder, mouthing the most sincere thank you he can, before jumping in bed, and throwing on his own noise canceling headphones.

“I know you weren't lying and I was a dick, now let me in. I have good news.” August turns away when Gray opens the door, he doesn't have any music playing so he hears Max call him names before he feels his leg being shoves, he turns around and tries to act normal.

“Get up. We have to make this place look…not like this.” Max motions around the room, the various cans and bottles all over the place (on mostly max’s side) and the blankets on the floor.

“Why?” August asks, sliding his headphones off into his lap.

“Gray’s mom is on her way here.” August swallows. He doesn't know why, but he gets the idea that this woman, gray moms, not Max’s mom, as he keeps clarifying, is a scary woman.

“First, I guess ill run this down to the dumpster- Oh holy fuck!” August nor Gray can stop Max before he picks up the hydro flask, the extremely full hydro flask that to his knowledge his little, very little brother filled up.

“Damn little bro, impressive. Are you sure your underpants are dry?” Max teases, Gray laughs making eye contact with August, who's underpants and in fact not dry. But Gray already knows enough of his secrets. August gets to work tidying his side of the room, wondering what chaos his roommate is gonna bring him into next.

[transmasc-wizard]

hey nico! been a while! i think since around the time i first started following you i wanted to ask how you personally go about outlining your wips! i never used to outline my stuff but recently i've been getting back into writing so i figured i might as well finally ask you for any advice you can give :)

im so sorry if this took me a really long time to answer, my perception of time exploded awhile back and i have no idea how long this has been sitting in my ask box. but on we go

so basically. my outlines. are a mess. but it is a mess with PROCESS so i will try to explain (<- hasn't outlined in like 8 months)

my outlining process always starts with. idea. like a scattered handful of ideas that i have. major themes, the biggest plot point i have in my head, whatever the actual concept is, etc. and then i pull together my characters FIRST. i don't try to outline till i have a good grasp on who those fuckers are (their motivation, main personality traits, biggest fears, what makes them feel safe, main philosophy, style, culture, what's important to them, their approach to other people, what they want, what's stopping them from getting it, that sorta thing). once i've got my blorbos, i take the concept i have and wonder why They're there. i figure out why they're the main characters, basically. what they have to do with the plot. how they get INVOLVED. and with that, i've got my inciting incident (the shit that made them have to Be There and Have/Solve Problems!)

then i decide generally how i want it to end. i need to know where i'm headed. this can change later on somewhat but usually i have a pretty good idea of it. then, extrapolating from my concept, characters, their dynamics with each other, anything i know about the world, that end, and the scattered ideas that i started with, i make like. 5-10 major scenes i want. and i write those down. THEN is the fun part

i open a new document, with all my notes to the side, and make. literally just a list. i list off what i want to happen. i can get really detailed here; i've had like 300-500 words describing a scene before. but, depending on how much i've got in my head, it can be as little as one sentence. i just keep going till i've got a bullet point list of every single scene i want to happen in the book, with all the plots and subplots and arcs and thematic moments, and then maybe go back and flesh some of it out, and then. im Done . and i can start writing ! i don't follow it exactly all the time, and often i add or take away entire scenes while drafting, but like. it gives me a really good road map that helps me stay with a project a lot longer and make the draft a lot neater than anything i just wing.

as for actually coming up with all that plot and subplot and character arc stuff for the list, it's mostly a loooot of daydreaming while drawing or on walks or generally doing something else, and then also letting the parts naturally connect to each other (this is part of why starting with fleshed out characters helps so much; they Are going to do certain things if they're defined people, so coming up with plot becomes much easier).

i hope that ! makes sense ! i am scattered and sleepy ! if you have any follow up questions about my process or if your immediate reaction was "nico what the fuck are you talking about" please feel free to ask !

[ryttu3k]

Me: "Oh boy, a half-hour lore video on my most favourite blorbo! :D"

Youtuber: "Yeah I don't like them much."

Me: *DEEP BREATH -*

Anyway I wrote nearly a thousand words lmao. Not even as a disagreement, just an attempt to explain Why They're Like That! Reposting my comment below the cut for posterity!

"My very problematic favourite! I can understand why they may turn you off as a character, but I feel a good-sized part of their… messed-up-ness is due to the fact that they're centuries of trauma stacked in a trenchcoat.

Goratrix spending most of Myca's formative years trying to kill them? Traumatic. Being Embraced by Symeon, which, in mages, kills their Avatar, part of their SOUL? Traumatic. Being brought back to Constantinople? Traumatic on at least two levels - first, they're a native Carpathian in Constantinople, being constantly looked down upon just because of where they're born, and second, they're in the Byzantine Empire, but are most likely originally from the Bulgarian Empire. Who were sworn enemies to the Byzantine Empire, and who, over the next several years after Myca's Embrace, were systematically defeated.

And that's just in their earliest years! Then, there's 1204 and 1234. There's the intense betrayal of your own sire drugging and nonconsensually fleshcrafting you, and then being literally brainwashed into being another person altogether, and then being given to an actually insane methuselah as a plaything. The fact that Myca reacted SO strongly with terror and panic when they started remembering those dreams, and the fact that Michael knew exactly who they were while Myca themself didn't know, and the fact that they literally could not say no, indicates that, no, it wasn't 'Myca was Michael's lover', it was straight-out… that word you had to keep cutting out. Symeon buries those memories down. Okay cool great. They escape Constantinople. Good, good. They meet Ilias. They get to spend a few reasonably content decades playing with politics and being in a happy, supportive, loving relationship.

And then the torpid and disguised Dracon is dumped on them. And then they start having horrifying, impossible dreams, both of Michael and of horrifying violation by their own sire. And then they remember the events causing those dreams in full, while at the SAME TIME, Ilias is possessed by the Eldest, who uses his body to commit the worst kind of violation on Myca, leading to Ilias' death, or at least the death of his body (and on top of that, the novel pretty heavily implies that they had a mutual blood bond, so they FELT Ilias die). And that's the point that Myca changes from 'calm, polite, rather manipulative scholar and diplomat who genuinely uses Auspex more than they use Vicissitude' to, well, yeah. So what happened?

The Dracon happened. The Dracon was literally fused to them on a soul level. BJD says that they're 'freed from the maniacally bitter and self-destructive metastases' of their great-grandsire, and that pretty explicitly confirms that the Dracon had been influencing them all along. Myca was cool and analytical. The Dracon… had a temper (as Triglav found out!) and was fairly emotionally unstable, as well. That's a pretty potent combination to make someone who's very very good at analysing the best way to hurt people. On top of that, there's also Michael's 'infection', which may well have triggered when they remembered what Michael did to them in full - they've spent literal centuries under the influence of one methuselah literally fused to their soul, and another methuselah (who happens to have Presence 9 and Dominate 7) whose last words to them were to carry out his Dream. How do you even resist that?

So yeah, deeply messed up. But they have pretty decent reason to be so, being under the direct influence of two deeply messed-up methuselah, as well as all the 'regular' traumas of isolation, manipulation and betrayal by someone they loved and trusted, and the death of the love of their unlife. And that's why I love the story Dreams & Nightmares from BJD so much - it gives them another chance. A chance to actually be themself, for the first time in nearly eight hundred years, someone they haven't been since that night in the Oriol Room in 1234. Myranda Kalis/Sarro, who wrote the Dark Ages Tzimisce novel and that BJD chapter, is absolutely the best writer for Sascha, since she sees them as a PERSON who happens to have undergone unimaginable trauma, and not just a plot device for Ooh Scary stuff.

There's very much three versions of Myca/Sascha, really (four if you include their mortal years), and this is supported by the novel's epilogue, which has Dracon!Myca quite explicitly confirm to Velya that, no, they're not the same person now. There's Myca, originally from Romania, then Constantinople, then back to Romania. Kind of manipulative but nothing too outside the realm of believability for a 200-year-old Cainite. There's the Myca/Sascha who was infected by the Dracon, who committed so many atrocities (and who, let's face it, had the distinct downside of mostly being written during the WoD's most edgelordy phase. Fetus scene, I am looking at you!). And there's the Sascha that's left after the Dracon was torn away from them, who's now an entirely new person still trying to work out who the hell they are. And that's someone who we just haven't seen that much of yet, but who should, by all rights, be very different to the Sascha we've met before.

Everything we know about Sascha in the past almost isn't relevant any more. They are, quite simply, a new person now.

On a much more minor note: as far as we know, Vykos is pronounced 'vi-KOSH', and Myca as 'MEE-ka'. And that description in the wiki about how their skintone was retconned to fit their Hungarian origin is flat-out wrong, they're Romanian. The Magyars/Hungarians were actually actively invading the Carpathians at the time, and the Clan Novel Saga literally has them using ancient Romanian as their native tongue (with that scene written by Lucien Soulban, who also wrote Constantinople by Night and thus is one of Sascha's creators).

Anyway. Very long comment, haha. Like I said, they're my favourite."

...this is the second time I've answered with many hundreds of words of rambling on a question about Sascha oh dear XD;; (First time was here. I'll actually copypaste that too -)

"There are a lot of suggestions saying that they learned it in Constantinople, or from their Koldun lover, Ilias, but the timelines unfortunately don't really match up there - and Sascha explicitly knows Thaumaturgy, not Koldunic sorcery. This was definitely something they learned while in the Sabbat, most likely from the Tremere antitribu, and probably almost entirely as a 'fuck you' to Goratrix.

Pre-Embrace, they were a Mage of House Tremere, pre-Ritual of Usurpation. They were basically a prodigy, and Goratrix hated them, betraying their location to the Tzimisce in the hope that they'd kill Myca (their original name) for him, with a hell of a lot of bad blood between the Tremere Mages and the local Carpathian Tzimisce. Instead, Goratrix accidentally contacted Tzimisce in a war party from Constantinople, who, well, hated the Carpathian Tzimisce as much as the Tremere did, and Symeon took note of this Carpathian Mage and decided to Embrace them largely out of spite.

Myca was furious and traumatised, both because being Embraced as a Mage is really messed up (it kills their Avatar, which is sort of like a second self, and blocks them off from using True Magick entirely), and because they had effectively been captured by the enemy, both in a Cainite sense (with the tensions between the Carpathian and Constantinople Tzimisce) and in a mortal sense (Romania was part of the Bulgarian Empire at the time, and they were at war with the Byzantine Empire; a few years after Myca's Embrace, the Byzantine Empire would end up destroying the Bulgarian Empire, and all they could do would be watching helplessly from Constantinople as their home was destroyed).

So, Myca as a fledgling in Constantinople. They've undergone a deeply traumatic Embrace as a Mage, they've been captured by the enemy, they've watched their home destroyed from afar. And twenty years later, the Tremere, led in a ritual by Goratrix, become Cainites themselves, and start rebuilding the magic that had been stolen from Myca as a new discipline called Thaumaturgy.

So this sets up a new ambition in Myca - learn Thaumaturgy at all costs, and beat Goratrix at his own game.

This ambition is set up early, in Constantinople by Night (set around 1202), with Myca wanting to learn Thaumaturgy from Theresa Kymena (a Tremere defector). Theresa has her own stuff going on with the Salubri Achmet, so that... never really eventuates. By Transylvania Chronicles I, set in 1314, that ambition is still there: "Myca would dearly love to learn the Thaumaturgy Discipline, hoping someday to best Goratrix at the Tremere's own game." This, unfortunately, doesn't eventuate for a while - we get a full character sheet in Transylvania Chronicles II, set 1493, where their discipline spread does not include Thaumaturgy (it has, for reference, Animalism 2, Auspex 3, Celerity 2, Dominate 3, Presence 2, and Vicissitude 3).

The next character sheet we have is from Giovanni Chronicles III, set in 1882. And, by then, they have learned Thaumaturgy! Their disciplines are: Animalism 5, Auspex 5, Dominate 4, Fortitude 2, Potence 3, Thaumaturgy 4, Vicissitude 6. What happened to Celerity and Presence? We just don't know. So at some point between 1493 and 1882, they've started learning Thaumaturgy, with the most accessible source being the Tremere antitribu. When you're an infamous and well-respected Priscus in the Sabbat, I guess you can just go, "Hey, you, teach me your secrets"!

By modern nights (in Children of the Night, published 1999), their disciplines are listed as Animalism 4, Auspex 4, Celerity 2, Dominate 5, Fortitude 3, Presence 4, Thaumaturgy 5, Vicissitude 7. There is some retconning involved there (it drops Potence and restores Celerity and Presence), but does keep Thaumaturgy, and, more specifically, even includes the Paths that they know - Path of Blood 5, Lure of Flames 5, and Movement of the Mind 2.

So, tl;dr - they're over a thousand years old, which is a long time to learn disciplines. They have the means (Tremere antitribu within the Sabbat) and the motivation - their background has them wanting to learn Thaumaturgy specifically, due to their past as a Mage and their rivalry with Goratrix. They manage to achieve this some time between 1493 and 1882, and now they can make people's blood boil from within and cause giant magical fires."

[piratefishmama]

Personal vent time whee

i really think there should be like. a rule for mystery shoppers, cause shit man, they exist SOLELY to get you into shit, and it's even worse for a neurodivergent person. like you're doing everything you can to get this person exactly what they're asking for, you're going through deals, and offers and lining them up with what they've told you, and yet if you seem a little bit off (lmao i'm autistic when do i not seem off) they mark you down for it.

fucking. 74%. after i did EVERYTHING with this bitch. I EVEN EXPLAINED UPLOAD SPEEDS FOR GAME STREAMING CAUSE HER NO DOUBT FAKE SON WAS A GAMER.

i'm just???? and there's no arguing it with management. ever. you tell them your difficulties, you're honest with them about your struggles with social cues, that i'm sorry but i am going to keep messing up, i am going to continue to struggle, because my brain literally does not work the way that you seem to want it to work, but i will do my job to the best of my abilities. but they look down on you like "you HAVE to do it correctly you cant keep messing this up" when i'm like??? literally cant. brain says fuck you whenever i try, my bad for being born with a broken brain i guess.

i just cannot deal with a fucking mystery shopper that gives me one word answers and stares at me like a fucking gormless idiot claiming 'i'm a technophobe' when i explain things to her. "Do ___ have an app that helps you track things?" her response was wide eyed and shrugging

bitch it's a yes or no answer.

like??? HOW IS THAT HELPFUL FOR ANYONE.

mystery shoppers criterias for 'good service' are ableist and discriminatory against neurodivergent people. Like we already struggle to hold jobs as it is, why are these bitches out here making it harder?

[meimi-haneoka]

(the asker from before) Thank you for the notes. that is really weird though, what is so wrong with "wakarazuya", unless its a bad word there shouldnt be any reason it can't be translated close enough in ENG? yeah, before too i meant, there are fan commentaries with small translations and people post them to different groups (+Facebook?). i can't translate good but i've never heard of something like this happening before with CLAMP? I dont agree on every view on Kaito too but, yeah it's weird...

"there are fan commentaries with small translations"

Can you make a clear example of that? Like, what exactly they translate?

Are they in English or other languages?

I avoid by now all fandom spaces, so I've never seen these kind of posts, but I remember that (when I used to stroll around more) I had seen an FB group making their own scanlations in Latin American Spanish (not Spanish from Spain, basically, which is the official translation CLAMP is uploading on their Youtube channel).

It wasn't exactly great, that's not legal and all, but someone explained to me that the two Spanish languages are different, so....I guess it made sense that the group was doing that.

There was just a tiny problem...that group used the English translation as a base, therefore passing all the mistakes into their own scanlation 🙈That was...so frustrating to see. Because fans were doing this to feel more comfortable reading the chapters in their own language, but inherited all the translation mistakes from a version they thought was legit and official, but actually was very flawed. I remember I was so frustrated to see that happening.

Anyway, back to us.

what is so wrong with "wakarazuya", unless its a bad word there shouldnt be any reason it can't be translated close enough in ENG?

Hmmm, "wakarazuya" isn't a bad word, indeed.

If your question is "why did the ENG translation mess that up?", unfortunately I cannot give a definite answer, but I can try to infer it from what I've seen in the past....3 years? Yeah, ever since I started paying attention to the English translation.

First of all, some mistakes are purely for carelessness.

Some of the mistakes they make are so basic level (they misunderstand one word for another, or make typos, etc) that I really believe a simple check would already fix many of those.

Then, this translation seems to have a bias against the new characters.

I don't know why, but they seem to believe that if they make these new characters sound more arrogant (or bearing more negative feelings than necessary), they'll be more interesting.

Kaito in particular, as you well know, is quite an arrogant character in the ENG translation (all that unnecessary use of "kid", "child" in a dismissive tone when he's talking with Syaoran is really unsufferable to see...none of that is present in the JP version and he actually seems to hold lots of respect for Syaoran from the way he talks about him). I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this biased translation might have contributed to make him be hated more than necessary by the international fandom. I don't mean that he's an angel in the original JP, japanese fans are quite irritated with him as well, but there's also a component of benevolence in that irritation, it's more like "why are you acting this way? Instead of trying to reach happiness for yourself too?". It's like they're scolding a mischievous child, literally. Lately they have started to call him 赤ちゃん, "baby", because he's totally immature.

I can't count how many JP fans I've seen along the years getting angry at Kaito, but also wishing him to be happy.

This, instead, very rarely happened with international fans. I see more pure, genuine hate towards him.

But I digress.

Momo, in some scenes, suffers from the same bias too.

She sounds more nasty towards Kaito than necessary. Once (chapter 43) they've put a "You fool!" in her mouth, while she was talking to Kaito, that she absolutely didn't say in the original. It might be a small irrelevant thing, but added to all the rest, it contributed to paint a picture that simply isn't corresponding to the truth. That's why for long, long time, many fans abroad didn't even realize that Momo truly cared about Kaito in her own way.

Now, onto our wakarazuya, this is a word that indicates someone who, no matter how much you try to convince them, won't listen to reason. They're impossibly fixated over their views. Not because of ignorance, but because of stubborness.

Those words they used to translate that term ("blockhead", and even more "dolt" from Lilie) have a connotation of telling someone they're stupid, along with "stubborn", and CLAMP didn't like that. Momo knows Kaito is not stupid and he isn't acting like he's acting because of stupidity.

I admit I didn't even think much of this particular translation when chapter 70 came out (my tears were busy somewhere else...) but apparently CLAMP didn't miss the subtlety and had a bad feeling about it, so they pointed it out. Though they seem to be aware that it's apparently very difficult to translate this word in an exact way in English.