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robcognitivepersonality · 2 years ago

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The Mastermind & the Teacher

How I get along with ENFJs as an INTJ

The people’s champion. It’s always a blast when I’m around you. You take it upon yourselves to ensure I’m enjoying my time. I’m more than happy of letting you take the reins of any situation when it comes to group activities — whether it’s a night out drinking bender or an all-night team project. I also love how basic you are. Like you guys own that #LiveLaughLove hashtag. Your Instagram is full of cheesy quotes and pictures with your dear BFFs. Your walls are plastered with Hallmarks cards and motivational posters.

But we both know there’s a lot more to you. Material possessions and Internet persona don’t wholly define you. They don’t do a good job showing how insightful, intelligent, and driven you are. With the ENFJs I know, we click fast and become close friends who can talk for hours about anything. We enjoy having intellectual conversations about this emotional mysterious rollercoaster that is life. You’re always the one who starts them. That’s where the real you thrives, the human behind the profile pic.

Let’s stop with the smiles, candies, and balloons for a moment. With your Extraverted Feeling-Extraverted Sensing, you engage with the social enterprise around you. You are in other words a manager of human egos, not a people pleaser. I’ve heard you say ‘no’ way more often than ‘yes.’ Sometimes you may need to discipline and tell an asshole to fuck off. In fact, I think you wear that disapproving angry face better than that courtesy smiling one. You know what I mean — the one that makes people regret for disappointing you.

Being an emotions manager means you apply social lubrication and persuade egos to work together. You have the creativity and confidence to improve culture. But before you do that, it all first starts by becoming the living epitome of your beliefs. You are righteousness personified, a walking moral compass steamrolling your way to the Northstar. Being the shining example is the first step to connect with others. People gotta see your work paying off to start believing in your ideas. It’s a lot of pressure being a role model.

"Some people say, 'Give the customers what they want.' But that’s not my approach. Our job is to figure out what they’re going to want before they do. I think Henry Ford once said, 'If I’d asked customers what they wanted, they would have told me, ‘A faster horse!’' People don’t know what they want until you show it to them. That’s why I never rely on market research. Our task is to read things that are not yet on the page." - Steve Jobs

Despite the stereotypes of being fake (which is bullshit by the way), the best of you admit you have struggles. There are days when you’re defeated, when you relapse, when you just can’t. You’re human, that in itself is hard. You understand you can’t do it all alone. And you know how to find help by revealing your true selves, scarred and weathered, but stubbornly pushing because life’s worth believing in something. Sometimes a call to the ether via social media is all you need to channel in some positivity.

You don’t have to be this charismatic leader. Being an Fe dominant doesn’t make you a social butterfly. The more reserved ENFJs don’t have any interest in being the center of attention. Many of you claim to be introverts. Doing the right thing doesn’t mean you have to be sociable or likeable. So if these are not ENFJ criteria, then what is? Let’s ask ourselves: Why are ENFJs the way they are? Why is there this need to set social harmony? What are they striving for? To answer these, allow me to present a butchered summary of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.

The story starts with chained prisoners forced to stare at a wall inside the cave since birth. Their entire perceptions of reality are formed by the shadows on the wall. One day, a prisoner breaks free, turns around, and realizes the shadows were mere projections of their true forms casted by a fire. The freed prisoner manages to get outside of the cave, and is mesmerized discovering the world for what it really is. He then goes back into the cave to spread the truth about reality to the other prisoners. The story ends with the freed prisoner getting ridiculed. He was deemed delusional and dangerous.

“Leaders should never be satisfied. They must always strive to improve, and they must build that mind-set into the team. They must face the facts through a realistic, brutally honest assessment of themselves and their team’s performance. It starts with the individual and spreads to each of the team members until this becomes the culture, the new standard.” — Jocko Willink

Struggling out of the cave to be then blinded by the sunlight, the freed prisoner returned to his friends because what he learned outside was worth sharing. He experienced something that his friends couldn’t imagine. It was something truer than anything he knew. He couldn’t go back looking at life the old way. It was after his eyesights adjusted he realized how deprived the other prisoners were. “Life can be so much more meaningful, if only they could break their chains,” he must’ve thought.

Another feature of TiNi is the innate imperative to understand the world and others. Blanketed by the outward charm and warmth, ENFJs are intelligent supercomputers building algorithms personalized for the people around them. You make me feel so seen! You’re studying me. You psychically predict my emotions and lay out my current state of mind. You pick up my body language and my tone of voice, dig my feelings out, and put them up for us to see.

Personally, the way you do that never felt intrusive. I’ve always felt like I was a plain covered book on a shelf for anyone interested in reading me. Having Introverted Intuition-Introverted Feeling, I always look over at how I’m feeling on a philosophical, idealistic, and existential level. This is why we get along. I’m not like the other skeptical prisoners. If you say there’s a bigger truth out there worth seeing, I’m curious. Together, we’ll claw ourselves out from the cave, and enjoy this promised beautiful world.

“The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.” — Neil deGrasse Tyson

This promised world… Honestly, I didn’t have an idea of what that actually was. Like what was it supposed to be exactly? All I knew was I had to get there. And that I’d be happy there. I imagined being free, living by my values without compromise, and doing whatever I please. I got rid of whatever didn’t give me joy, like changing jobs and cutting off toxic people. And in turn I spent more time with my loved ones, my passions, and doing things I believed in. Life was great. Just another day in paradise.

To do such a vulnerable thing was too humiliating. I was too good for that. My emotional intelligence was too “high” for that. How ironic that I couldn’t bring myself to do a basic smile. Nobody was judging besides my own reflection. I wimped away from the self-inflicted awkwardness and indignation. I hated that about me. All of this time searching for a way out to freedom, I’ve been imprisoned deep in the cave by my own ego. I was stuck, fixated on an idea of a certain “me” that was nothing but a mere shadow on a wall.

True to the allegory, someone had to help me break my chains. It was a struggle at first to externalize my emotions. I didn’t know how to properly express them. I didn’t know if they were the right things to experience. I had zero idea how I came off. I needed to take baby steps. That’s when I understood all of those corny basic bitch things, those lame #LiveLaughLove’s, those selfies and emojis were exactly the baby steps I needed to take. You were my example.

“Commitment is a big part of what I am and what I believe. How committed are you to winning? How committed are you to being a good friend? To being trustworthy? To being successful? How committed are you to being a good father, a good teammate, a good role model? There’s that moment every morning when you look in the mirror: Are you committed, or are you not?” — LeBron James

You took notice of my progress. And you were always there supporting me, partaking on the shenanigans, and reflecting together on the more serious things. One time our convo was getting deep, and in that moment I saw how you briskly paused yourself to hear what I had to say. That’s when it all started to click. Whatever I was mulling over was always worth sharing. It didn’t matter how incomplete my thoughts were, they could be insightful for anyone hearing them.

Finally, I got out of my cave and saw reality for what it truly is. Authenticity doesn’t mean to do what feels good. It means to have the strength to keep my heart open whenever I feel it close. I learned that keeping things to myself didn’t make me free. I’d never know what I actually am by avoiding social interactions. Connecting with others is what allowed me to explore that. I discovered that I’m a pretty funny guy and a kind calming soul. The truth is life is unsolvable. But just like how we strive for excellence and not perfection, let’s do our best to fulfill it. At best we get wisdom, not answers.

When I share my feelings and have heart-to-hearts with people, I found my freedom. The world began to feel more meaningful, more blissful, more intimate. I started to get genuinely excited for sunrises. I feel connected with people of different cultures, and even of other historical eras. The more I learn about nature and the stars above, the more I’m thankful for the life I’m given. Everyday became a chance to let my emotions play and to present the best me — the real me.

Now I look to help others in becoming their best selves too. I’d love for them to experience how I feel about life. We’re not that different after all. I’ve watched you show how you care for people. Inspired by your example, I learned how to better visibly show love to those close to me, and how to better show my true self to the world. You’ve taught me how to love myself and make myself be seen. I hope after reading this blog that, at least to some degree, I gave you that same feeling of being loved and seen.

Thank you for showing me the way.

#mbti intj #enfj personality #mbti enfj #intj #mbti #enfj aesthetic #intj thoughts #enfj #personality types #carl jung #jungian #psychological types #myers briggs #16 personality types #16 types #cognitive functions

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years ago

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As someone, who's favourite character is Zuko, let me just say that your analysis about the Southern Raiders is spot on. Something about that episode (especially the way Zuko acted) always felt a little... off to me. And I could never figure out what it was exactly and considering the fact that discussion about this episode centered around the Kataang vs Zutara, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. So, I guess thanks for putting my thoughts into words.

Oh, I really feel ya, anon. If you actually don't look at the episode from a shipping point of view, which seems to be the focus of most the fandom, a lot of unpleasant things really start sticking out. I'm personally neutral to the Kataang vs. Zutara debate, I see good points and drawbacks to both ships, and no one's going to convince me that this episode proved the superiority of either pairing, especially when the shipping interpretations have never been important to me when analyzing this episode. People can say Aang is right in the end, they can say Zuko understands Katara's plight better (which, considering Aang has lost even more people he loved than Zuko has, he certainly should have understood Katara's suffering quite well too), but focusing on whether Zuko or Aang are the angel or the devil on Katara's shoulders practically blinds everyone to the very glaring and mindboggling flaws in this episode's writing, imo.

In general, the concept of Zuko's life-changing field trips with the three Gaang members he'd wronged the most is fine and fun for most people, but from the first time I watched the show it felt like the production team knew they were pressed for time and needed some veeeery quick and effective solution for Zuko to gain acceptance in the Gaang ASAP despite all the bad blood there. I can imagine a lot of people love these episodes, but admittedly I wouldn't rank any of them among my favorites because, as interesting as some of their concepts could be, if executed right, my immersion certainly wasn't as strong as with the rest of the show due to the nagging feeling that this was all for the sake of redeeming Zuko in the eyes of each Gaang member... and not necessarily in the eyes of the audience.

They get away with it, of course, because by this point in time, the audience is 100% conditioned to love the Gaang and Zuko, and if you see them getting along, you should be rejoicing in their team-up... but if you put some emotional distance between yourself as a viewer and the events of these episodes, their writing leaves a lot to be desired, especially in the concept of giving Zuko a quick whitewashing in the eyes of Aang, Sokka and Katara, one after the other, so they can genuinely accept him as a teammate and friend. If we'd seen similar trips frequently or occasionally in the rest of the show, with two specific members of the team taking off on an adventure by themselves, it might not be so glaringly obvious (and even... artificial? I guess?) that they're trying to quick-redeem him for each of them here, but on top of it happening thrice, it's literally happening one after the other, too. There's no episodes in-between, it's just literally a four-parter arc of "let's help Zuko become friends with these three".

The plotlines to be dealt with in these episodes are basically catered to each Gaang member, tailor-made life-changing field trips based on whatever they'll value the most, all of it conveniently possible and doable in the span of time they have between Zuko's joining of their group and the show's finale. Aang needs to learn firebending, Sokka needs to save his dad, Katara is permanently grieving for her mother's death. And so, Zuko to the rescue! If he helps them with their personal character quests, he gets 50+ approval points! :'D Honestly, I'm absolutely not against the notion of Zuko befriending them, obviously not, but the methods through which they chose to make it happen simply might not be the finest...?

Zuko loses his ability to bend because he "lost his rage", but he's still angry pretty often, the show even spoofs its own writing by showing him losing his patience at Sokka... while at the same time trying to sell that Zuko "isn't angry" anymore? Zuko helps break out random prisoners from the Boiling Rock without taking a single moment to actually learn who they are, why they were locked up, and without pondering if they deserve to be helped or if perhaps they're genuinely dangerous? Zuko gives Katara every possible tool and information she needs to take revenge on Yon Rha, because, loosely quoting his own words, he "cares what she thinks of him"...?

How about if we'd seen Zuko trying to connect with Fire Nation people, to help his fellow Fire Nation citizens, especially the ones who were living in dreadful conditions, like the ones in the Jang Hui river village? How about if we'd seen Zuko saving lives rather than threatening to take them? How about if we'd seen Zuko actually reasoning with his anger, and either working his way out of it, or repurposing it consciously, or making legitimate, personal efforts to find a new source of strength for his firebending through self-reflection, above all else?

We didn't really need sudden one-on-one field trips to teach Aang, Katara and Sokka to trust Zuko: we needed Zuko to prove himself worthy of that trust, to show how much he has changed, to literally contrast his new behavior with the old, to actually see that the guy no longer jumps into violence-mode 24/7, that he's willing to listen to other people's opinions or wisdom, that he wants to learn better when he knows he's misguided or misunderstanding something or another. Would he have become BFFs with any of them in four episodes if this had happened? Well, it definitely would have happened with Aang, the other two would have been trickier, but they definitely would have been more willing to accept him if they actually got to SEE that the changes in Zuko weren't skin-deep. Katara can be as thick-headed and stubborn as she may want to be, but I have no doubts she wouldn't have been able to hate Zuko as much as she used to if she'd seen him helping people, much like she often wants their group to do. But instead, they don't get to see the actual changes and growth... they just get their biggest goals and wishes satisfied, and that's enough to decide Zuko's trustworthy, no matter whatever sketchy behavior he displays in later episodes.

I absolutely appreciate the worldbuilding context we gain for the raids on the Water Tribe through The Southern Raiders, but I don't think this was an organic way to tell the story of how Zuko became friends with the Gaang. If pressed, I'd even say that Zuko's overt desperation to be their friend is OOC, to a degree: if this guy actually knows how dangerous his father's plans are (and he's supposed to :'D), how isn't he focusing on that side of things, when he's always been such a go-getter? It's not like he grew out of this sort of ends-justify-the-means behavior, seeing as he's absolutely obsessed with stopping his father ASAP, by any means possible, in the finale, when there was no such urgency to be found ever since he joined the Gaang. How isn't he more worried about stopping Ozai than about becoming best friends with the Gaang? Immediately sharing everything he's learned about Ozai's intentions of destroying the whole world might not make them friends instantaneously, but it would certainly get someone like Sokka to take his information seriously and immediately begin strategizing how to counter Ozai's plans. Instead, Zuko spent all those weeks, over a month, even, teaching Aang firebending, going on field trips and hanging out with his new friends in Ember Island. Once you have all the cards on deck and you actually look at all of them at once, doesn't it feel like there were so many more ways to achieve what the show was going for, far more effective ways than through the "let's be friends with Zuko" arc?

Ultimately, there's very little display of growth, in my opinion, in this small arc, on Zuko's side, despite the most obvious and reasonable way to earn the trust of the Gaang would be by outright showing them how much he's grown. I won't deny I appreciate that the writers respected his personality and didn't just warp him into the perfect good softboi the way the fandom apparently interprets him, but even if Zuko was going to be cranky and speak one-liners like "I'm never happy", it wasn't impossible to write better situations for him to connect with the Gaang's members and gain their trust. Even if the writers were set on having these episodes happen exactly as they did, they absolutely could have been written in a much better way, to create an explicit and direct contrast between Zuko's early behavior and the new Zuko's behavior when it comes to things that matter (most the parallels I've seen the fandom drawing are things like "oh look he hated tea before but now he brews it for his friends! So much growth!"... would've been nice to see the growth when it came to a lot of other things, too, if the growth really was there? Am I rite...?).

I may just be influenced by other redemption arcs that focus mainly on characters having common goals and working together to achieve them, then becoming friends in the process... but I really don't see how Zuko's character benefited from these episodes. Yes, bridges were built... but they absolutely could have been built in a more organic way that didn't make people like myself (and a few others) question if Zuko had learned or grown at all, considering the way he behaves isn't all that distant from the Zuko we've seen and known throughout the rest of the show. And the fact that he really seems to have learned nothing in The Southern Raiders once you reach the show's finale... you're basically asked to take for granted Zuko did learn a lot of lessons because he says he did, to assume he's going to put them into practice sometime in the future despite he has chances to do it during the show itself but never does, simply because they drop the ball upon every opportunity to show how much he's changed.

I really don't blame his character at all, when it comes to these shortcomings... it's seriously, genuinely, a problem with the writing department. Take a look through the fandom and you'll see thousands of people who claim Zuko's character arc is the most touching, complex and beautiful writing they ever have seen... and why? Because we're in the face of tell-don't-show :'D most people's perception of Zuko's character are based not so much on HOW Zuko displays his growth, it's strongly based on him stating he made progress, even if there's too many instances where the growth simply seems to have fallen to the wayside or gone forgotten for the sake of a plotline or another. Zuko absolutely could have been written far better than this, he could absolutely have the redemption arc his fans are sure he does have, but for me... there's way too many gaps in logic, too many missed opportunities, to truly think his growth was as extraordinary as a lot of people are hung up on saying it was.

#anon #woops #I probably shouldn't have written this much here but what can I say #I've got beef with these storylines #and I unfortunately can't bbq it (?)#so instead I ramble and ramble and hope you guys forgive me for how long-winded I can be :'D

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shirophantomvox · 4 years ago

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Analyzing Killua Zoldyck's Character

Illumi Analysis| Hisoka Analysis| Chrollo Anaysis|

What’s up y’all?! I’ve had at least 2 cups of coffee this morning and I am ready to write my butt off! This post will be about Killua Zoldyck, my second favorite character and you will know why by the end. If you’d like me to write about your favorite character, Be sure to send me a message and I will get on it ASAP.

Here we go!

I saw Killua for the first time on Tumblr. Someone created various icons for several anime characters and edited them. They were all aesthetically pleasing but for some reason, his picture stood out. Now that I look harder, it is because he was holding a Pepsi can instead of the off-brand one they drew for him in the cartoon. I noticed everyone on TikTok and Twitter had the very same icon as their profile picture (usually those that like to troll and say racist things to others). Once I started watching Hunter x Hunter, I realized the character immediately. Thank you for your edits!

Killua Zoldyck is the youngest child in the family and is the only child that developed a mind for his own.

Instead of taking the pleasure of killing, he runs/avoids and achieves this by becoming friends with Gon. It’s interesting to think that no one in the Zoldyck family wants to kill for fun except for Illumi.

I remember Zeno telling Chrollo: “Do you think I enjoy killing?”.

This makes me think that the family’s job is to destroy enemies that are a threat to society. Are the Zoldyck’s taking on the role of cops or an extension of such? If that statement is true why does Illumi take pleasure in abusing his power when his own grandfather only does it when criminals are involved? Granted, Silva and Zeno’s reasoning for brutally fighting criminals isn’t legal, and (to me) are considered to be vigilantes, at least they don’t go around doing the horrible things like how Illumi and Hisoka do.

This very reason why Killua ran away from home. He decided to rebel against his mother and implied: “Fuck you. I’m going to do what I want.” Killua and his siblings are victims of child abuse and show that they deal with that abuse in different ways. Killua masks his abilities in public and tries to keep them under control, Kalluto seems to be very quiet and obedient, Milluki is just as abusive as Illumi, and we already know about Illumi. Milluki is physically abusive; this can be seen when he is whipping Killua for running away and threatens to destroy Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio while Illumi plays mind games on Killua and uses his Nen to do the trick.

Killua’s character is very special and in a way takes the lead as the main character instead of Gon. I don’t know if that was intentional or not. Killua is a 12-year-old boy who leaves home to escape his abusive home and see the world for his own. During phase 1 of Hunter’s Exam, he instantly clicks with Gon; probably because he’s the only 12-year-old there. They constantly challenge each other to see who will win and who will buy dinner or some other reward. Because of his abusive home, Killua often masks his feelings. This is noticeable every time Gon talks about him being his best friend and he always reacts as if he’s embarrassed by it.

Gon is his shield from going bat-shit crazy like his family. They both have faced opponents (like Hisoka and others) where Killua could have unleashed his assassin abilities but didn’t. Yes, some of the opponents are stronger than him, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Killua is the best friend Gon could ever have. Since he knows about aura and any supernatural abilities, this is why he stops Gon and even insults him for pushing himself too far. Killua stopped Gon from using too much aura in the past especially once Kite’s arm was cut off by Pitou. Because Killua wasn’t there to stop him when fighting Pitou, this resulted in Gon’s downfall. Did Killua believe it was his fault that Gon almost died? He isn’t responsible for Gon’s actions but he focused so much on running away from his “demons” and masking his temper by maintaining his friendship that he wasn’t paying attention to Gon’s noticeable and developing temper.

Killua Zoldyck is a child that suffered from abuse and to escape that reality, he runs away, takes Hunter’s Exam only to match with his brother, chooses defeat, and then kills an opponent, not of his own free will.

But wait, there’s more.

After being rescued from his prison of a home, he goes to Heaven’s Arena, met Zushi and his teacher, develop Nen, follows the Phantom Troupe around and somehow managed to survive that, meet Bisky, join a game to get closer to Ging, witnesses Gon disappearing, trying to form a relationship with Alluka, and then tries to heal Gon with a quickness.

Whew, chile!

At the beginning of the show, it appeared as if Killua was taking on too much and only did so to keep his mind off what he escaped from.

One thing to point out is Killua’s motivation to heal Gon no matter what. It is implied that he doesn’t care what will happen to him or anyone else as long as Gon can live again.

Wait.

Isn’t that along the lines of what Gon said about getting revenge for Kite? He didn’t care about what happened to him? Hmmmm. I guess they’re very similar after all!

Killua and Gon are BFFs and will do anything for each other. Friendships in real life should be this way; let’s follow his fictional example.

Face

Killua’s face is the typical shape for someone his age. His eyes are wide, as blue as the morning sky, and honestly, I wish he’d smile more. Even though he is 12 years old, he still has a babyface.

Hair

Killua’s hair color is very similar to Princess Allura’s and Lotor’s. According to verywellmind.com, the color white represents innocence and purity. Ironically, Lotor and Killua are the opposite of that while Allura has maintained her innocence. Killua’s unique hair color and hairstyle are amazing! I love how it stays in shape while he is fighting or running.

Clothes

Regarding clothes, he is JUST like his brother. Again, Illumi irks me, but they both have a great taste in fashion. Through the show, Killua changes his clothes more than Gon, which is funny. I guess if Gon changed his clothes too much it would take away from his character. Killua’s default style contains a sleeveless white shirt with a purple one underneath, basketball shorts, and gym shoes. Just look at these outfit changes! This is why Killua is my 2nd favorite character in this show.

Behavior

As stated before, Killua cares more about others. This is ironic because the Zoldyck family only cares about themselves or their family while Killua feels the complete opposite. It’s almost as if he trusts strangers more than his own family. A common phrase: “She/He turned to the streets” that I’ve heard in my hometown can be applied here. Killua probably hates his family and turned to strangers to find love and comfort since they neglected that. He is also the only one that tries to develop a relationship with Alluka. At first, I thought “Wow he’s only developing a relationship with her to heal Gon” but then I realized it was bigger than that. Alluka has been separated from her family because of her dangerous abilities. She will demand something and if that person doesn’t fulfill her demands, they will suffer horribly. Killua learns that Alluka has a healing ability and while Illumi complains that Killua was hiding rules from him, he never took the chance to talk to him about it and continued to threaten Alluka. The family “banished” her to a confined room for who knows how long because, apparently, she had been possessed by a demon from the Dark Continent and they do not know when it happened. Despite knowing that Killua could parish with the rest, he still develops a relationship with her. He is the true example of excepting someone for who they are. As far as I’m concerned, running away was the best decision he made. It saved his life and in return, he’s going to save another. I do find it ironic that something considered to be so dark has the power to bring something back to life when usually it’s something bright like a light...interesting. You all know what I’m saying. Most television shows only portray angles to heal others while demons only seek to destroy. The Zoldyck family is wrong for pushing Alluka away. How could you do that to your own kid? Shit, you should be blaming yourself for not watching her and allowing the demon to posses her.

In conclusion, Killua is my second favorite character. He is bold, loves his friends, and isn’t afraid (anymore) to step up to people he may not win against. His character has blossomed from a young boy afraid to step up to his brother to a boy who isn’t afraid to do so. He has learned about Nen and has gone through many trials and tribulations just to say he is much stronger than before. What characters would you like to hear about next? Send me a DM!

Fin.

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flashflashhundredyarddash · 4 years ago

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LET'S GOOOOO it literally typed this all up in a google doc to answer this question lol

HAHAHAHA YES

okay so wikipedia tells me very little about barrys childhood so i know nothing about it and the cw backstory doesn’t work for what i want to do so this is just rubixburd’s (trademark) barry allen backstory

when barry’s mom dies he first gets bounced around from distant relative to distant relative and then finally he’s placed with a foster family

by the time he’s like 16/17 he starts working on becoming an emancipated minor because he gets moved around so much and he’s just over it and wants to finish school

one month they set up a seminar for a bunch of foster kids at the police station and it’s shitty for most of it because the cops take one look at them and are treating them like theyre already criminals until they get to the crime lab section and barry is like !!!!!!

so he gets an internship and just spends the whole time following around this old and grumpy doctor that kind of just lets barry do whatever so barry gets to do his own thing

so in the midst of 1) focusing on keeping his grades good until he graduates 2) applying to be emancipated and get his own place 3) applying to colleges 4) balancing an internship 5) working part time at the local grocery store and 6) realizing he probably has adhd barry allen gets superspeed

barry is going through A LOT

his first suit is just an all red tracksuit and his shoes are pretty much ruined every single week lol

the superspeed helps him in that he can now finish things SUPER QUICKLY and clears up his schedule BUT he now has to eat A LOT and his current foster family aren’t dicks but his sad little check from the grocery store doesn’t really cover a lot

so he’s stressing about ALL THIS until one day he’s out on patrol and takes down captain cold (who is the father of leonard snart aka cold jr, who was a former Fellow Troubled Foster Teen with barry and he DID manage to get his own place and his life set up to take care of his sister until his fucking dad broke out of prison and recruited len for his shitty operations so barry beats cold up and then him and len go eat hot dogs or whatever)

when JAY FUCKING GARRICK, FLASH AND MEMBER OF THE FORMER JSA shows up and is like hey are you that new speedy kid and barry is like WHAT THE FUCK, YOU’RE JAY FUCKING GARRICK, FLASH AND MEMBER OF THE FORMER JSA, and jay is like awesome you’re my kid now

jay garrick and joan garrick adopt barry at the ripe old age of 17 lmao

so while all this is going on, the justice league trinity have now become Besties and go around and beat people up together and joan is like oh honey you should go try and make some friends :) and barry is like i am 99% certain that isn’t how this works

(that is how this works)

so he’s not sure what do about That so he just does his own thing with jay (who is retired but still mentors barry and also gave barry like three panic buttons on his suit lmao) ((maybe not retired actually because everyone is younger in this au so maybe jay is younger???))

OH MY GOD BARRY ALLEN IS KID FLASH ELIFNEIL

Flash (jr) meets iris west who runs Central City’s High School Journalism Club and is also a REALLY big superhero fan so all her articles and blog posts are just about the justice league lol. She has a big ass JSA poster.

Yes iris west and lois lane have journalism crushes on each other and follow each other on twitter

Barry winds up meeting green lantern who ends up in central city following some corporate espionage (the rathaways set up a shell company on the west coast to try a hostile takeover of queen consolidated by killing and bribing people, so hal is in central city to bust some heads).

Green lantern runs into (kid?) flash who is investigating the same thing so they spend the week adamantly NOT working together to try and solve the case until finally they’re forced to take down a bunch of bad guys together and then they are BFFs for life.

Jay and joan are convinced hal is barry’s boyfriend despite barry saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO GIVE THEM THAT IMPRESSION

Yes jay and joan give hal a shovel talk yes its absolutely terrifying

So anyways yes flash jr and green lantern quickly cement themselves as a duo and then suddenly everybody on earth is being attacked by parademons so they team up with the Justice Trio to stop a hostile takeover of earth and also holy shit there are MARTIANS AND ATLANTEANS NOW

They all decide to become a Formal Team but really they just hang out in bruce’s mansion and eat pizza (because bruce has an allowance and he is Not Allowed to build a superhero hangout club so if he wants to hang out with his friends- I’m sorry, have Strategy Sessions with his Super Serious Justice League, they can do it under the watchful eye of Alfred Pennyworth) ((alfred, jay, joan, martha, and john are the Real Justice League))

Barry knows very little about Actual Fighting because jay and barry are fast enough that they never… actually… learned how to fight so the first few months they know each other is just bruce and diana (and alfred) kicking barry’s ASS while sparring because they’re all used to clark’s superspeed so they can actually fight barry and barry is like :(

Literally EVERYONE on the Teen Justice League is bi it’s so fucking funny

Like obvs regular justice league has so much drama but Teen Justice League just has off the charts levels of drama someone cries over something every other week lmaoooo

#barry allen #jay garrick #teen justice league au #justice league #joan garrick #flash #the burd squawks #dc #flashfam

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magnumdays · 4 years ago

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Magnum PI - 3.09 - The Big Payback (the real review)

Higgy in danger and her boys doing everything to save her - check

Magnum basically going “let her go and you can do whatever you want to me” - check

Miggy hug - check (OMG!!! It only took 49 episodes!!)

Rick getting a girlfriend - check

Angst-y Magnum about doing the right thing years ago because it got Higgy in trouble(!!!) - check

Juliet deciding to just squeeze in between Rick and Thomas even when there wasn’t really a place for here there...because of reasons - check

Adorable Miggy early days flash back - check

Gordon being all ’I might be a cop but I’m gonna be here for my BFFs’ - check

It’s like someone grabbed a bunch of my favorite tropes and just made a salad with them (or an ice cream sundae, because I hate salad). I legit just want to re-watch it ten times today (but I can’t because I have so much to do *grrr*.)

I mean we get this

I’m not sure what to say because I just keep getting stuck watching the gifs for this over and over. Like come on, how can you be so adorable?

Still, I’m going to try to have some coherent thoughts.

So yes, obviously I enjoyed this episode. Even though it l def. lacked Miggy working together and bantering and being their normal adorable selves I can handle that when we get gems like Magnum just basically going ‘okay shoot me as long as she goes free’ and Miggy hug and Juliet being all “that night in the wind cellar was the moment I knew you were a good person who truly wanted to help people” at the end.

I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that Magnum and co. actually broke the guy out/ extracted him, though.

Like they did it with as little damage and blanks in their weapons but still....

Part of me LOVES that they were getting their Higgy back, come hell or high water but ramming police cars and using automatic weapons is kinda different from their normal rule breaking. Like maybe there should have been one more “are we really doing this?” from Rick or TC with Magnum being all. “I can’t lose her. I know it’s not right and I can’t ask you to-” “You don’t have to. We got you.”

Or more of an attempt to find Higgy? Like they go to the guy’s house and he has a camera, threatens Higgy and because the time is almost up they don’t do anything more about finding her. But what if they’d actually hedged their bets and told Gordon they’d manged to find a lead (but not how) and asked him to look into it more? IDK, I guess they were scared.

Also during on of the phone calls I would really have liked a “I need to talk to her” proof of life sort of thing because at this point they’re just doing the whole thing and hoping Higgy is alive. The guy could have just killed her, planing to kill Magnum during the exchange, right? Right???

Also, why not just shoot both Higgy and Magnum at the exchange? That would have made sure neither one of them followed. I mean if I was the bad guy, that’s what I’d do. Or I’d shoot one of them in the stomach/leg to force the other to focus all their energy on saving them. It worked great in the premier so I really think if I was a bad guy, that’s the way I’d go! #evilgenius #missedmycalling

I mean, I love that we got Magnum being all sacrificial, putting his gun down, and telling her “it’s gonna be alright” when they took him (I need gifs of that, pretty please! and her looking after him! My babies! )

But if we’re being honest, Higgy was right... not smart Thomas!

Probably I if I was a bad guy (but not that bad) I’d just leave them both there alive with a broken down car. Like come on, Magnum had already told the Dad he knew he killed his ex-wife and thus the dad should not have wanted him along if he was worried he’d tell his son about it, right?

So if they really wanted a hostage, keep Juliet. She’s smaller and not a Navy SEAL! Even if she’s clearly resourceful (unsure how easy it would be to get info on her past as an MI6 agent, but not very I think, so they wouldn’t know just how good) she should seem like the better hostage of the two.

Whatever, it gave us Miggy hug so I don’t even care if it don’t fully make 100% from the bad guy’s POV! I just love it anyway!

Side note - Juliet has her OWN horse????? I mean we knew she rode but...

Do you all know freaking expensive horses are to keep? And like how little they bring to the table? Like seriously, Higgy, sell that gorgeous beast, be sad and stop having money problems. I’m telling you, horse vs. huge estate - horse is more expensive (okay no, it’s probably not I’m still kinda surprise there is a stable and an actual horse belonging to Robin’s Nest. I’m assuming the horse is Robin’s and like the cars she’s trying to keep everything without selling it but goodness, a horse? Rich people are so weird. It’s a very cute horse though...)

Next note.

I really like that we’re getting Suzy + Rick. Legit, it was on my season 3 wish list (for Rick to date a girl working at his bar!) I wonder if Higgy getting kidnapped was on there too? I should see if I can find it!

BUT...maybe they should have had one or two episodes more of them just being adorkable at the bar in the background before this. Mostly because I’m not sure this episode felt like the most fitting one.

We got Rick going “I’m nervous to ask a girl out” while Magnum is all “My soulmate (who is currently dating a rich kinda- handsome doctor) has been kidnapped and will be killed unless we break a guy out of prison in 4 hours.”

Stakes don’t quite match somehow.

But it’s nice, getting another female character that might be semi-reoccurring! She and Rick (Zachary) are married in real life (?) hopefully she will be around a lot!

I also loved the whole:

Suzy: “What are we celebrating?”

Juliet (having been kidnapped and then watching Magnum get taken, legit happy no one is dead...except the bad guys):“How about being alive?”

Suzy: “As good as any reason!”

Over all I really don’t know what to say, other than this episode makes me question if I even need to keep writing fan fics. The show runners seem to be itching to steal my captain’s hat and sail my ship for me! And honestly, if we keep getting what we’ve been getting in season 3, I’ll be happy to let them!

Cheers!

Also happy birthday to Jay today!

#Magnum PI #magnum pi review #Magnum PI 3.09 #miggy #the hug #finally #magnum x higgins #magnum pi season 3 #My babies finally got that hug

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atalante241 · 4 years ago

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Tommy’s character is an emotionally not present asshole that doesn’t acknowledge other ppl and I acknowledge that but that doesn’t stop him from being my favorite character in that godawful role play and defending him I don’t give a fuck

He’s a feral fuck who doesn’t acknowledge other ppls feeling and shit but shut up

Make him go to therapy to figure out his own shit 1st and then expect him to figure out how to be present for other ppl and their angst

You don’t expect ppl with mass amounts of trauma to be present for other ppl with mass amounts of trauma, and when one of them does it you don’t just suddenly expect everybody to do that. No. Let them all go to therapy and actually tell each other what’s bothering them along time when it feels right

Not everybody who’s faced trauma is gonna be like a certain way, ppl react fucking differently. And in Tommy’s case his already existing assholiness is amplified as a coping mechanism and just pure angst, that still doesn’t make it okay. But nobody’s fucking said that to him, nobody has actually calmly said that he’s being a huge ass

And sure, he’s a dick to Jack. BUT JACK HASN’T FUCKING TOLD HIM HOW HE FEELS AND NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS THE FACT THAT HE FUCKING DIED AND CRAWLED OUT OF HELL YOU FUCKS, and sure, Jack “told” him last stream. But guess what, he fucking didn’t. He mentioned it off handedly and didn’t press on it, and Tommy didn’t fucking actually listen to him bc

1) he was still weirded out and amazed that he was out, so he totally wasn’t paying attention

2) as I kinda stated before, c!Tommy doesn’t do emotional stuff that well (he has literally not talked to anyone about fucking exile yet)

As for Technoblade, THE BOTH OF THEM HAVE THE SOCIAL CAPABILITY OF A FUCKING CUCUMBER. NO, THATS A FUCKING INSULT TO CUCUMBERS, THEY’RE LESS SOCIALLY INEPT THAN CUCUMBERS! Technoblade literally laughed when he was told that Tommy died, by a dude that was clearly upset about it, that man doesn’t know how to react.

BOTH Tommy and Techno/Techno and Tommy have fucking wronged each other, that shit Tommy pulled at the community house and the 16th and Techno at the fucking portal confrontation and releasing the withers on the 16th. None were okay, Techno literally offered to give Tommy to the dude he’d been hiding from in his house for weeks, and do you people understand how much of an overreaction Techno pulled with the first withers, he literally just fucking yelled at the about the government being the start of their problems and didn’t calm down and hold a-, I don’t fucking know, a meeting about the issues with government. And Tommy straight up used Techno when he was present in Pogtopia (and all of that wasn’t his fucking fault only, he wasn’t alone in that) and then betrayed him and his trust when he joined Tubbo at the community house.

Now, I can’t excuse the portal confrontation with anything else other then maybe it was bait to mock Dream or something, and I can’t excuse the war times with anything else other than ppl didn’t listen. But I can fucking excuse the community house debacle. In canon, Tommy literally met Technoblade through fighting to get L’Manberg back (at least in his view), he’s literally known him for only a few months, and most of that time they haven’t interacted at all (Or maybe they’ve known each other through Phil & Will but idk). C!Tubbo and Tommy have been friends for who knows how long, they fought in fucking everything together, they’re bff’s. And have been for a long time (probably), of course Tommy would join his friend when he realizes what’s happening around him. He fucking himself said that he didn’t like the person he was becoming. He, didn’t like, the person he was becoming. And that, my friends, is a good reason to leave the situation that’s making you become like that.

As for Techno on the 16th, it’s understandable why he was mad and betrayed. From his point of view he made his goals incredibly clear to everyone, and from his understanding he succeeded in that. But guess what, he didn’t. He didn’t make it clear enough that he stood on the stance of “fuck the government, all of our problems come from government” instead of “I’ll help you guys reclaim this country that we’ve been trying to do this whole time”. (Oh god so much could’ve been solved if it wasn’t for social anxiety.)

Tommy’s current plan to kill Techno purely stems form him thinking the dudes gonna break Dream out of prison, and nobody wants that to happen. Just like, ugh!

TL;DR

Nobody can communicate well on their feelings, Tommy’s character has always been an asshole but that’s just who he is, like when Sapnap kills everybody’s pets Tommy’s an ass. But not in an evil way, but if somebody feels like that; they should fucking talk about how he’s making them feel. Instead of, idk, trying to kill him. Technoblade and Tommy’s friendship wasn’t very deep, the reason Tommy’s betrayal fucking hurt Techno so much is because he literally had like 1 friend left back then and currently he has 3. (Niki, Phil and Ranboo)

#rant #that was supposed to just be the first paragraph #I’m definitely a Tommy apologist #don’t know about the other two tho #mayhaps #dream smp #tommyinnit dream smp #c!tommy my beloved #technoblade dream smp #jack manifold dream smp #dream smp rp #c!tommy critical #c!jack critical #c!techno critical #I guess?

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glitradora · 4 years ago

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AU where Glimmer and Adora are forced into marriage but neither like each other and Adora's in a secret relationship with Catra, so Glimmer tries to help them.

(would love if we could get date stamps on asks cause i’m probably over 1.5 years late - i’m sorry)

for send me an AU and i’ll tell you my headcanons for it (no more i have so many)

( tw character death )

first things first, every arranged marriage story should follow the “this is my idea” song from the animated movie The Swan Princess. I could write a dissertation on why this scene is the most iconic thing ever animated.

“if i get lucky i’ll get chickpox” amazing brilliant never been done before uniqu-

anyways

i do think that for an arranged marriage plot to work you’d have to significantly change the world building in she-ra

mostly cause Adora isn’t a princess by birth and even if we count her becoming She-ra as gaining her title - Adora doesn’t answer to anyone after it lmao

I also can’t easily see the Horde trying to play nice and go for peace over.. fully destroying the planet and it’s cultures in a plot to control Etheria.

So maybe a world where the first ones are still around and Adora is their heir? Maybe with Light Hope as her guardian/regent. Or maybe Light Hope has the regent and Shadow Weaver has her guardian/teacher if you want to keep her character arc closer to the show.

Catra/Adora childhood bffs

Catra maybe as the heir of a kingdom the First Ones defeated in war who’s being raised there as a means of controlling the kingdom later on? (something the Romans did a lot - they controlled certain parts of the empire by “romanizing” the future leader so they would be loyal to Rome.)

So Catra grows up with a complete sense of not belonging

Glimmer and Brightmoon don’t really have to change maybe Micah’s always there tho?

Or maybe he’s dead/on beast island anyways cause Brightmoon has been fighting the First One’s if you want that initial dislike between Glimmer/Adora.

Maybe same reason Adora is the heir - some battle/war killed the main line of succession of the First Ones and Adora is who they fell back on but there was no reason the believe she would ever be close to the throne at birth.

(it’s why she’s allowed to befriend Catra has a kid.)

So Adora becomes the only heir at age like 8-9 after a big Brightmoon win (that may or may not have cost them Micah)

Brightmoon has the upper hand in the negotiations that’s why Adora spends the summers there

(unfortunately i don’t think either Light Hope or Angella would be much the singing type rip)

Shadow Weaver is NOT happy about it cause she’s banking on having control of Adora by the time she takes the throne and having her away for 3 months every year kinda ruins it.

Catra is pretty sad too obviously.

Adora and Glimmer spend every summer lowkey trying to kill each other

Glimmer is winning their unofficial game of pissing the other off the most due to her teleporting until they turn 13 where Adora hits her growth spurt.

(also Adora is not allowed to take the sword with her since the accident when they were 11 and zapped all over the castle with a real sharp blade being waved around by an over powered tween)

Bow becomes a common sight at some point in their tweens and while both of them are very good friends with Bow separately a room with the 3 of them in it is bound to be a dangerous place.

Bow is extremely aware that these two are friends - they just don’t know it. They are both very clear on where the line is at all times and that doesn’t always mean they don’t sometimes cross it, either on a moment of distraction or one of anger. But they know where the hard limits lie and they know when they’re the on in the wrong.

in the mean time Catra becomes friends with Scorpia - who is in a similar situation to her has a “unofficial prisoner/ward” of the First Ones.

Adora knows Scorpia too btw but Scorpia doesn’t trust her

Catra goes to Brightmoon for the first time when they’re all 16. Not for the full stay but has a one week guest for Bow’s birthday by Adora’s request and Bow’s invitation.

It’s really awkward for all parts involved.

Catradora not only are not together at this time but like the show Adora is completely unaware of her feelings

Catra knows but also has no hopes of it ever being a) returned b) allowed.

Glimmer can tell in .2 seconds of meeting Catra and starts mocking Adora endlessly and it’s probably their first real actual fight in years.

( it doesn’t help the awkward for the rest of the week)

The next year they don’t talk about it

Adora is expected to be crowned on her 21th birthday and so starts taking on more direct responsibilities after 18

The summers turn shorter and Glimmer visits more often for public appearances instead.

They get into a fight a little before Glimmer’s 19th birthday because Adora tells her she should stop playing with Bow’s feelings and Glimmer shots back that she won’t take advice for someone hiding her own

( They have long decided they marriage would be purely political. Yet Glimmer doesn’t want to bind Bow to a life of secret)

They’re friends at this point denying it is impossible. They fight like sisters but have know each other longer and better than any other soul on the planet.

The fact that Glimmer ascends to the throne first is a surprise.

Queen Angella was young and strong and the illness that took her sudden and cruel.

As queen Glimmer answers to no one and while Adora is ready to deal with the consequences of it on her the second Glimmer proposes it they wait

Adora get’s her own crown before long and they honer they agreement - the two kingdoms shall never again be at war

The pack doesn’t involve wedding, they know the other to well to ever need such things to bind it. They will fight in the future like they did has children and decide things between themselves.

It’s not immediate for either of them

Glimmer chokes a couple of times on trying to tell Bow and Adora avoids Catra for a full week after she decides to tell her before Catra grabs her and shakes it out of her.

I don’t have ... a more complete ending? sorry i really tired to get more into how glimmer helped like your ask said but this was the best i could come up with

#she ra #spop #she ra au #spop au #catradora #glimbow #mine: au #//the last time i posted one of these was june 2019 #rip to everyone in my ask box #l-egionaire

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linh-song · 4 years ago

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Marellinh Headcanons (Assorted Variety)

I was feeling sad so I came up with some Marellinh headcanons to make me feel better (it worked)

The two are best friends before they start dating

Marella is the one who holds Linh and lets her sob into her shoulder every night after Tam is kidnapped by Gisela

And when people scream at Marella for being a pyrokinetic and tell her she’s worse than the prisoners in exile, Linh is there, her normal calm and serene demeanor replaced with eyes burning with hatred

People learn to not talk bad about Marella, because Linh is somehow always there, listening, and ready to yell at them for 40 minutes about why they’re wrong and why Marella is an amazing person

So the two slowly start to fall in love with each other, but don’t even realize it, thinking those weird butterflies are just “oh I just really care about my friend because they’re awesome”

Then one day they’re training their abilities together and Linh just sweeps Marella up into her arms and kisses her

Linh blushes red and is about to apologize when Marella pulls her into another kiss

After that, they’re both like oh, so that’s what those feelings are

They never really tell the rest of the gang that they’re dating, and instead just constantly hold hands and stare at each other affectionately

The squad kind of just assume that the two are together, and they are indeed correct

On a dare they get matching tattoos on the inside of their wrists

(Keefe did them)

Linh’s is a little ball of fire and Marella’s is a ball of water

Whenever they’re apart they just look at the tattoos and smile

It becomes a bit of a habit for Linh to rub the tattoo whenever she feels stressed or sad, and Marella likes to wear shirts with shorter sleeves so that she can easily see it throughout the day and be reminded of Linh

When Marella introduces Linh to her parents, her mother ends up having an episode and Linh calms her down by humming softly and creating water animals in the air

Marella knows that she’s wholeheartedly in love with Linh after that, her heart belongs to Linh and only Linh

And after that Marella’s parents basically adopt Linh as their child, she’s a part of the family now

Linh has a lower body temperature and her hands are almost always cold to the touch while Marella, because of her pyrokinesis, runs a higher temperature than most elves

This dynamic is perfect for hand holding and hugs and kisses and all that jazz

(Linh sometimes compares being around Marella like sitting next to a warm, crackling fireplace on a cold winter night, and Marella says holding Linh is like the cool refreshing ocean breeze on a hot summer day)

little spoon!Marella and big spoon!Linh just hello it’s too cute??? And Marella curls herself into Linh and falls asleep the happiest person in the world?

Marella and Princess Purryfins are probably BFFS okay you can’t tell me otherwise

Like, Marella will be like, “I’ve got a date tonight!” and everyone’s like “Cool tell Linh I said hi” and then Marella’s like “What no I’m pet sitting Princess Purryfins tonight. I bought a cool new laser pointer and we’re gonna have a blast-”

Linh’s brain short circuits every time she see’s Marella cuddling her murcat

And them bonding over their powerful elemental abilities?

Like, they go to the beach one day (or something) and Linh has a panic attack because even though she’s proved she can keep her ability in check time and time again, a tiny part of her brain still hears the call of the water and remembers all those times when she was younger and lost control and she’s so afraid

Marella also has nightmares where she’s consumed by the fire and can’t do anything as she watches herself call down Everblaze and she’s shaking and curled into a little ball and Linh just wraps her arms around her and just holds her rocking both of them gently back and forth

And Marella just leads her away and they lightleap to Fluttermont where they eat tubs of ice cream together in a pillow fort and Marella reminds Linh of all the amazing and wonderful things she’s done and how she saved Atlantis and thousands of people from drowning and Linh calms down and thinks that maybe there is a little truth to Marella’s words

Movie dates-

They probably snuggle up together with blankets and popcorn together every Friday night and watch movies together

Whenever it’s Marella’s turn to pick a movie, she always chooses a comedy because Linh’s smile is the most breathtaking thing she’s ever seen

Sometimes they stay up really late watching movies and Marella falls asleep curled on the couch with her head on Linh’s lap and Linh just sits there stroking Marella’s hair and Marella looks so beautiful and at peace and Linh feels drunk on happiness

Also- what if... like you know how Thor in Age of Ultron (I think?? Or was it in tdw-) has a strand of Loki’s hair braided into his?

Yeah so that but with Marellinh

They both get a strand of the other’s hair in a little braid so that they’ll always be together even when they’re apart-

Ajlfhlahdkkaajhdkahfhkqhslha I love this ship so much okay byeeee

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #linh song #marella redek #marellinh #linhella #kotlc hc #kotlc headcanon #okay okay but seriously them with strands of each other’s hair braided into their own hair???#all my drawings are gonna have that in them now okay-#tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tw nightmares

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zalrb · 4 years ago

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soo im not sure if you ever answered this before but who do you think had a stronger connection ron and hermione or harry and ron? i've seen you answer this only between harry/hermione and harry/ron and also harry/hermione and ron/hermione but sorry if i missed something

I don’t think either had a stronger connection to Ron because they’re different.

Like, it could be argued that in the first three books Harry was closer particularly since they were a unit before Hermione, she wasn’t even a friend of theirs at first and they found her incredibly annoying

‘I couldn’t help overhearing what you and Malfoy were saying –‘ ‘Bet you could,’ Ron muttered. ‘– and you mustn’t go wandering around the school at night, think of the points you’ll lose Gryffindor if you’re caught, and you’re bound to be. It’s really very selfish of you.’ ‘And it’s really none of your business,’ said Harry.

and in Prisoner of Azkaban as I keep mentioning, neither he nor Harry talk to her and they seem perfectly fine with that

Hermione, who remained convinced that she had acted for the best, started avoiding the common room. Harry and Ron supposed she had taken refuge in the library and didn't try to persuade her to come back.

although even when they aren’t speaking, Ron still keeps track of Hermione’s movements and notices that she’s taking too many classes while Harry doesn’t really care to explore that or find that interesting:

"How's she doing it?" Ron muttered to Harry one evening as Harry sat finishing a nasty essay on Undetectable Poisons for Snape. Harry looked up. Hermione was barely visible behind a tottering pile of books.

"Doing what?"

"Getting to all her classes!" Ron said. "I heard her talking to Professor Vector, that Arithmancy witch, this morning. They were going on about yesterday's lesson, but Hermione can't've been there, because she was with us in Care of Magical Creatures! And Ernie McMillan told me she's never missed a Muggle Studies class, but half of them are at the same time as Divination, and she's never missed one of them either!"

Harry didn't have time to fathom the mystery of Hermione's impossible schedule at the moment

but when Ron thinks that Crookshanks killed Scabbers, Harry aligns himself with Ron

Personally, Harry was sure that Crookshanks had eaten Scabbers, and when he tried to point out to Hermione that the evidence all pointed that way, she lost her temper with Harry too.

"Okay, side with Ron, I knew you would!" she said shrilly. "First the Firebolt, now Scabbers, everything's my fault, isn't it! Just leave me alone, Harry, I've got a lot of work to do!"

and even when Harry feels bad for Hermione, he still aligns himself with Ron

"Can't you give her a break?" Harry asked Ron quietly.

"No," said Ron flatly. "If she just acted like she was sorry -- but she'll never admit she's wrong, Hermione. She's still acting like Scabbers has gone on vacation or something."

The Gryffindor party ended only when Professor McGonagall turned up in her tartan dressing gown and hair net at one in the morning, to insist that they all go to bed. Harry and Ron climbed the stairs to their dormitory, still discussing the match.

"Harry!" said a voice in his right ear. Harry started and looked around at Hermione, who was sitting at the table right behind them and clearing a space in the wall of books that had been hiding her.

"Harry, if you go into Hogsmeade again...I'll tell Professor McGonagall about that map!" said Hermione.

"Can you hear someone talking, Harry?" growled Ron, not looking at Hermione.

"Ron, how can you let him go with you? After what Sirius Black nearly did to you! I mean it, I'll tell --"

"So now you're trying to get Harry expelled!" said Ron furiously. "Haven't you done enough damage this year?"

Hermione opened her mouth to respond, but with a soft hiss, Crookshanks leapt onto her lap. Hermione took one frightened look at the expression on Ron's face, gathered up Crookshanks, and hurried away toward the girls' dormitories.

"So how about it?" Ron said to Harry as though there had been no interruption. "Come on, last time we went you didn't see anything. You haven't even been inside Zonko's yet!"

Harry looked around to check that Hermione was well out of earshot.

"Okay," he said. "But I'm taking the Invisibility Cloak this time."

Like there is very much a male camaraderie, BFF vibe between Harry and Ron that whether they know it or not could be argued takes precedence over either of their relationships to Hermione.

But the moment that attraction and romantic feelings become more apparent and more involved, the Romione connection evolves and Hermione starts to mean something different to Ron and while friendship is at the core of their connection, it’s an emotional intimacy between the two of them that’s necessarily different than Harry’s connection to him and while I’ve mentioned before that Ron and Hermione had a way of communicating with each other that always excluded Harry even in the first three books, there are more dimensions to that the older they get and it’s shown in their physicality, particularly in the Deathly Hallows

Her arm curved to the floor, her fingers inches from Ron's. Harry wondered whether they had fallen asleep holding hands. The idea made him feel strangely lonely.

"Wait," said Bellatrix sharply. "All except.... except for the Mudblood."

Greyback gave a grunt of pleasure.

"No!" shouted Ron. "You can have me, keep me!"

Hermione gave a weak smile as Ron gave her a one-armed squeeze.

Hermione took the chair beside the dressing table; Ron sat on the arm.

but even before that like in Half-Blood Prince

Ron, he saw, was now holding Hermione and stroking her hair while she sobbed into his shoulder, tears dripping from the end of his own long nose

and of course

"Then the poisoner didn't know Slughorn very well," said Hermione, speaking for the first time in hours and sounding as though she had a bad head cold. "Anyone who knew Slughorn would have I known there was a good chance he'd keep something that tasty for himself."

"Er-my-nee," croaked Ron unexpectedly from between them

Everyone else had spoken and he didn’t repeat their names but she speaks and he naturally responds to her

so I don’t think the two are really comparable, I think they both also strengthen over time but differently.

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midastouch4ari · 4 years ago

Text

Haunted:

Summary: AU. The Gemini coven decided on an eye for an eye when it came to Kai’s crimes and never built him a Prison World. Instead, he’s dead, on the Other Side, and dreadfully bored. That is until Bonnie becomes the new Anchor.

Pairing: Bonnie/Kai

Bonnie should have known by the way he had arrived that he was going to be a plague in her life.

“Hey. Hey wake up.”

Bonnie shifts on her dorm room bed, groaning a little into her pillow.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” the deep voice taunts.

She knows, she gets it- people can’t choose when they die but being woken up before sunrise on a Saturday morning to have a crossover is admittedly... inconvenient. But so is being dead, her mind intones and a little shiver of guilt runs through her. Bonnie peels her eyes open to see an impish looking young man sitting on the end of her bed.

“There we go.” He grins as she sits up rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Looking for me?” Usually their spirits just come straight to her, like a magnet. How long has this one been wandering?

“I knew it,” the man, boy really, just shy of being one, says. He studies her. “There was a shift in the... non-air, you can call it. I knew something had changed.”

“What are you talking about?” Bonnie asks, all relaxation leaving her quickly. Who is this and why is he in her dorm room? And where are Elena and Caroline and why were they always with at least one Salvatore brother at times like these?

“You’re the new anchor right?” Bonnie blinks. “You’ve got the ‘weight’ of the anchor. The pull of being the fence between life and death...” he peers at her some more, as if she is fascinating. Then he laughs. “They finally booted ol crazy pants out, huh? Man by the time I got here she had lost it. Was zero fun to talk to. And everyone on this side is bitter as hell. And I’m like ‘be happy we aren’t actually in Hell,’ which I personally think is great advice-“

“You’ve already passed through?” She eyes him as he nods. “Then what do you want?”

“God, that’s a loaded question.” He sighs deeply. “I want pork rinds . And jam, ten years ago I’d say strawberry but now I’d even eat grape. I want to touch something, anything, real. I want to fuck. I want to be alive again. Can’t have any of those though.” He sighs again and shifts to lay sideways on the end of her bed at her feet like they’re bffs. “But conversation, that I can have. And I want that more than anything. Even the fucking, which- insane right? Who would have thought-“.

“You want to talk?” Bonnie says flatly.

He nods, smiling at her, teeth astonishingly, perfectly straight, dark blue eyes dancing. Whatever supernatural creature he was before he died Bonnie gets a feeling he wasn’t the kind with pure intentions, despite this adorable visage.

“What about?” she asks, suspiciously.

“Oh, anything. Literally anything. When I tell you, it’s a bore on this side. Everyone is either trying to reach enlightenment or swearing revenge on something or another. Do you know, there’s a witch who’s been here for like, a million years just watching and waiting for her ex to die? Just to laugh in his face because he cheated. He cheated when they dressed like Jesus did and she’s still mad, and I thought I had a problem letting go of things.”

“And you’re doing neither?”

“Hm?”

“You’re not trying to reach peace or get revenge?”

“After twenty years?” He shakes his head “Nah. I mean don’t get me wrong - I’d love to strangle my father with my bare hands, but I’m dead. I can’t do anything. And when it comes to enlightenment if there’s a God, let’s just say I am not invited in.” He chuckles to himself.

Bonnie shrinks away from him a little more at the dark sound. “Well, I don’t know what Amara-“ he looks at her quizzically “the old Anchor, had set up, but I don’t commune with the passed. Once you’ve gone through my job is done.”

“That’s cute,” he says moving to lie on his back. “That you think you can do that. The others have probably sensed the shift too; I’m surprised there aren’t more souls gathered, but I am the smartest one,” he muses. He turns his head to look at her curled away from him. “Tip: Don’t want to be bothered? Act crazy like Alana; they’ll leave you alone, quick. But I know you’re not a raving lunatic and, I cannot emphasize this enough, it blows over here.”

“I can’t help you.”

“But you can,” he implores. “You’re helping right now. Just this; if I could still breathe I’d say it’s like a breath of fresh air, talking to someone who’s alive.”

“I’m going back to sleep,” Bonnie says firmly.

“C’mon,” the man says in an annoyingly persistent voice. “Let’s at least introduce ourselves. I’m Kai.”

“I’m not interested.”

“That’s a lie, I snooped a little. Your school ID says Bonnie Bennett. Any relation to Sheila?”

Bonnie’s attention sharpens. “That was my grandmother. Why? Did you know her?”

“Ohhh, no reason, not a big deal,” Kai says lightly, letting his leg swing. “She was just the only one who voted to keep me alive. I was bummed to see she made it here. I was sure she’d find Peace, immediately.”

“What do you mean?” and Bonnie knows that she’s falling into that trap of letting any mention of her Grams keep her engaged. But she still has so many questions, years later.

“I thought you were going back to sleep,” Kai grins at the ceiling.

“Kai,” and the moment she says his name Bonnie knows she’s going to be saying it a lot from now on, probably in that same irritated tone.

“Bonster,” he replies serenely.

“Don’t call me that,” she replies automatically, “And what do you know about my Grams?”

“You’ll get used to it,” he counters easily. “And I think we’ll save that for next time. Gives us something to chat about.” Then he winks out of existence like he was never there in the first place and Bonnie is alone again.

#bonnie bennet/kai parker #bonnie bennett #fanfiction #kai parker #romance #the vampire diaries #tvd #tvd fandom #tvd fanfiction #bonkai #bonnie bennett/kai parker #oneshot

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valkyrieofsmut · 4 years ago

Text

Double stuffed birthday

Stucky x Reader

Descriptions: (Y/n) has huge crushes on her neighbors, but they’re in a relationship- with each other. She’s sad to miss out, thinking they’re both only into men, but wants the best for them. Until one night she hears a woman’s moans coming through the wall... Afraid to hurt one of them, she has to come clean about what she heard, and finds out that- maybe she has a chance after all...?

Types: Double penetration, threesome, two guys one girl, virgin reader, preparation, smut!

Warnings: None, I think.

Words: 3347

A/n- THAT’S RIGHT! DOUBLE STUFFED BIRTHDAY! BECAUSE! I’M... A DORK! *sigh*... This Ask came from forever and a day ago (You can see how far behind I am... )

Masterlist

Story!

(Y/n) wanted something special for her birthday…

She was tired of sitting around admiring the two super soldiers who were her great friends, and had been since they moved in a couple of years ago.

It had started as any other day; her getting home from work, checking the mail, planning what to make for dinner. The only difference had been that there was a moving truck outside.

When she'd gotten up to her floor, she saw boxes all over the hallway, and, while being careful and watching her feet to not trip over them, she didn't see the bulky man coming around the doorway next to hers, who then nearly mowed her over, but caught her with his quick reflexes.

She later brought them cookies as a welcome to the building treat, and they invited her to have dinner to get to know each other.

It was a wonderful night, and they became great friends.

The next while was nice, showing them movies, finding out that they were, in fact, Captain America and Bucky Barnes, best friends, comrades in arms, roommates, and… a bit more.

Truly, not many could understand the life they'd lived; WWII veterans would understand the life and the war, the Avengers would understand that part of the fighting they'd gone through, but since the other experimental subjects that had been with Bucky had been… terminated… they were the only supersoldiers left in the world- that were known of, anyway. And even then, Steve could never quite know what Bucky had gone through as a prisoner of war, tortured and experimented on; after all, Steve had been able to volunteer for the supersoldier program.

So it made sense that they had gone from bffs to bffs with benefits, since they were really the only ones they could completely trust with themselves.

It made (Y/n) a bit sad, wishing that she'd have a chance with them, but it was hard to be jealous when they were both good friends and they were happy together.

That certainly didn't keep her from dreaming, though…

And dream she did.

Being a virgin did nothing to stop her imagination, and it's no wonder with the internet and the plethora of erotic stories. It all gave her a wealth of fantasies to pull from when she was alone.

Even if she had to be very quiet, since their bedrooms apparently shared a wall.

How awkward would it be the day after to see them in the hall and have one of them comment, "so hey, I heard you screaming mine and my partner's name in orgasm last night…"

Yeah… That was definitely something she wanted to avoid.

They tried to return the favor as well, it seemed, since sometimes she could hear them, just barely, keeping quiet as they were intimate.

She… may or may not have joined in privately those times…

So, when she heard a woman crying out one night, she was understandably a bit distressed thinking that one of her friends had cheated on the other.

It ate at her for a week. She wanted to talk to them, needed to talk about it, but she didn't know who it was, and she didn't want to hurt one of them.

Finally, she couldn't hold it in any longer, and knocked on the door, greeting Steve when he answered.

"Hey, (Y/n), how are you doing?"

"I- I'm…" She took a breath and turned to him, pushing it out, but awkwardly wishing she could pull it back halfway through, "I heard- so-omething- the… other day…"

"I'm sorry…?" He offered, completely lost, but able to tell she was distressed by whatever she'd heard.

He was so kind- his face showed he was so sweet-

(Y/n) didn't know what to do!

She couldn't imagine this sweet teddy bear of a man cheating, and she definitely didn't want to hurt him!

"I- I'm sorry, I- heard something in- uh, from, the bedroom…"

His cheeks flashed the lightest shade of pink, an apologetic smile tilting his lips.

"What's up with Dolly?" Bucky asked from the doorway to the kitchen.

(Y/n) felt panic building in her veins.

Oh shit-

What do I do?!

"Apparently we were a bit loud the other night," Steve answered, his eyes still on hers.

Oh god- she could feel her blood rushing in her ears! Heat spreading over her body- knots forming in her stomach-!

"No- no, I-! Um! I have to g-" She stopped. "I don't want to ruin your relationship but I heard one of you in the bedroom with a woman!"

Having word vomited her news out, she desperately wanted to leave. She hurried to turn and do so, but Steve caught her arm.

“Wait, wait, wait. You what?”

(Y/n) could feel the panic building in her stomach, making her feel a bit nauseous. “I heard- I heard someone in the bedroom- I heard a woman in your bedroom- I- I’m sorry,” she told them, starting to breathe heavily with her panic.

Steve and Bucky shared a look, then looked back to her.

“I- I have to go- I’m-”

“Hey, hey,” Steve cooed, trying to calm her down, used to Bucky’s panic attacks.

Bucky tossed the potholder in his hand on the counter and headed over to help calm her. They stroked her back, murmuring calming words to her until she could catch her breath.

“I- I’m sorry- I just- didn’t- want to hurt- you guys,” she told them.

They shared another look and looked back to her, an apologetic look in their eyes.

“W-well, I guess this is how you find out,” Steve commented softly.

“F-find out- what?”

Bucky cleared his throat and looked away, muttering something to himself and rubbing his metal arm.

“We’re not gay, (Y/n)...”

“B-but I thought-” She blinked in confusion, her words leaving her.

“I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding,” Steve told her, still holding onto her to give support. “We’re not gay; we’re bi…”

Bucky cleared his throat and gave a crooked smile to the wall he was staring at. “Yeah, ahem, S-Steve might not have gotten many dames back in the day, but, uh-”

Steve snorted. “Bucky got lots of ‘tail’.”

“U-uh- oh! Oh… wow… I- I’m sorry I came bursting in here like- like a crazy person,” (Y/n) told them, feeling her embarrassment replacing the panic.

As she’d left, she was sure that she’d heard Bucky telling Steve, “see? This is why you don’t make the plans. What the hell kind of plan was that anyway?! You gave her a panic attack!”

And now, a month later, when she was getting closer to her birthday, she’d decided to bring up her request. Just between friends, people she trusted, the three of them- she wanted them to take her virginity.

Steve looked at her in shock. “Y-you’re a virgin?”

“Yeah…?” (Y/n) answered, not understanding why that was strange; everyone was born a virgin, so everyone was at some point in their life…

“But- but like, actually a virgin,” Bucky reiterated. “Not- not like ‘I’m a “virgin” because I’m a “born again virgin”’?”

“Yes- a what? No- look. It’s simple. I am a virgin. I’ve never had sex. No penis in any of my orifices. Virgin.”

The two men looked at each other, sharing a look like something suddenly made sense.

“And- and you want us to- you want one of us to take your virginity?” Steve asked.

“Well, I mean, if Bucky was such a lady killer back in the forties, I’m sure he’s had a few, so nothing new to him…”

They both chuckled awkwardly at that.

“But, I- I was actually hoping… That… you both…?”

“Both…” Steve blinked, then looked at Bucky.

“Both of us? In the same night?”

“A-at the same- time,” she offered.

Steve shook his head. “No.”

Bucky shot him a look. “Oh, you suddenly have good ideas?”

“No; (Y/n), Cookie, we can’t- we can’t take you at the same time-”

“I’ve seen porn, Steve,” she scolded.

“I’ve seen it happen,” Bucky added, deadpan.

“Not when you’re a virgin! It’ll- it’ll- Bucky!” Steve looked at him for support. “It’d rip her to shreds!”

Bucky paused, tilting his head. “Y-yeah… he’s got a point there, Dolly…”

“But- but! Every one has sex a first time! It’s not like I’m any different!”

Bucky shook his head, “but, not everyone is trying to have double penetration their first go. Not only that, but- the- the serum… it affected all of us… all of us,” he stressed before turning to Steve and patting him on the shoulder a bit mockingly. “Look at you, thinking things through. Proud of you, Punk.”

“Shut up, Jerk,” Steve shot back.

“But… there’s not any way…?” (Y/n) asked sadly.

The two shared a look again, looking hesitant.

“Th- there might be a way…”

“It’ll take a long time…”

“What is it?” She asked.

“Well- you- you might stand a chance if you- ahem- did some… some training to your- your holes…” Bucky looked like he was about to die blushing.

Steve nodded, also looking a bit uncomfortable. “Yeah… if you could… train them… then you’d stand a chance to take one of us…”

“So- I’d just have to, what, stick fingers in and stretch or something?” She asked.

Bucky let out a choked laugh.

“Uh, no, Cookie…” Steve told her, a small chuckle leaving him. “Well… training can be fun… and we can start with fingers, but… we’re going to have to… graduate to… larger things.”

(Y/n) blinked at them. “...ok…”

And thus began the training.

(Y/n) went to their apartment the next day, eager to start the training, and wasn’t surprised when they had her remove her bottoms.

“Ok, Doll,” Bucky started, helping her lay back on the bed. He lifted her legs and let them fall open, helping to stretch the inside flexors of her hips. His eyes went right to her bare pussy and stayed there, like they were glued for a minute before he cleared his throat roughly. “Steve… Steve, c’mere…”

“Yeah?” Steve asked, leaning over from where he was monitoring her reactions.

“Look at this cute little pussy… She’s… Damn…”

Steve looked down and his expression changed. “She… Wow…”

“Hey, uh, guys, you’re kinda weirding me out, here… Is something wrong with me…?!”

“Nah- nah, Dolly, just… You’re so cute… and-” Bucky cut off, clearing his throat. “Nothin’s wrong.”

Steve’s fingers ran down her, and (Y/n) let out a gasp. “Oh, shit…” He stroked over her again. “We’re going to have to be careful, Buck… not get…”

“Carried away, yeah,” Bucky agreed. “Ok, Doll, we’re starting… ready?”

She nodded, and the next thing she expected was something inserted, but instead, it was just more petting. She looked up at them in question, but they seemed to know what they were doing, and she honestly had not much, if any at all, experience.

(Y/n) felt herself starting to get more interested, more swollen at the attention that was being paid to her. She felt her body heating up, getting ready for what was going to happen.

Steve was petting her hair and stroking over her cheeks and neck, giving words of encouragement, telling her how sexy it was watching Bucky doing the things he was to her.

Bucky ran his fingers between her lips, getting her used to the feeling for a moment, then rubbed around her clit, circling and rubbing over it, his eyes getting dark and hooded as she made soft little noises. He cursed softly before moving one finger to her opening and starting to push in.

“Bucky,” she huffed, laughing, but still going to moan. “Your finger- isn’t the first thing going up there,” she told him.

Bucky looked up at her. “N-? Oh, right…” He chuckled. “There are all sorts of things to put here these days.”

(Y/n) felt like she was about to immediately regret those words…

Bucky slipped his finger in, moving slowly for a couple of thrusts before adding a finger. “Two,” he updated Steve. “Let’s see how far we can get her today.”

“Bucky,” Steve chided, “don’t try rushing it.”

Bucky looked up at him, flashing a cheeky smirk. “Course not. Running in blindly with no plan is your thing.”

Steve gave him a dry look, but stayed quiet.

(Y/n) was panting under Bucky’s ministrations already, her hips starting to arch with his movements.

When he scissored his fingers apart to stretch her a bit more, the noises that she was making changed, making both guys lick their lips and watch intently.

He managed to get three fingers in, keeping her at the edge of orgasm, not letting her come.

“I wanna turn,” Steve said, his eyes trained on Bucky’s hand as it was quickly getting wetter.

“Why don’t you work on the other side,” Bucky suggested.

“Think that’d be ok, Cookie?” Steve asked softly.

(Y/n) looked up at him, her body feeling ready for orgasm. She nodded and they shifted her to her side so that Bucky could reach her pussy, and Steve had room to work on her ass.

Bucky had her foot planted on his shoulder to keep her open, working slowly at her, and Steve rubbed and squeezed her ass for a moment.

“It’s going to be cold for a moment,” he warned her, and she heard some noises like he was rubbing something between his fingers before they touched her.

His fingers were a bit cold, but they warmed up as he moved them over her rear opening, slowly starting to dip his finger in.

Wow- wow! She’d never felt this strange sort of double stimulation before! It felt- it felt really good!

(Y/n) started groping at her chest, moaning and whining as they moved. She could hear them talking to each other, working in conjunction, and she felt when Steve switched fingers, stroking her inside as she was driven closer and closer to her end.

“Steve, you’re going to have to- I’ve got her foot on my shoulder,” Bucky’s voice drifted up to her dreamily.

(Y/n) could only spare a partial thought wondering what that was about, but the rest of her body was feeling too good, especially when her hands went under her shirt and bra to get to her bare breasts.

Another hand was on her, two fingers stroking along her, on either side of her clit, and she arched and moaned, hearing two answering moans from near her knees. The three hands worked in tandem, getting into rhythm and stroking her.

It felt so good, it was like pleasure bursting through every part of her- making her whole body shiver.

“Look at her, she’s doing so good,” one cooed.

“God, I can’t wait to have her between us…” The other agreed.

“Oh, that’s it, look at her; she’s getting close.”

(Y/n) was having trouble catching her breath, her hips rocking with their rhythm. “G- I- yeah,” she panted to them, her moans getting louder and louder.

“That’s it, come for us, gorgeous.”

(Y/n) cried out as she came, clenching around both of them and feeling them in even more detail inside her.

“Good girl… such a good girl…”

Every day after work, she’d go to their apartment, and repeat the process.

Everyday after work, she'd only come once, but it was a pretty strong orgasm.

Until, finally, it was the day.

“You can say no, if you want to.”

“No one will think less of you.”

“I know.” She was naked in front of them, laid out on the bed, watching as lube was poured into a palm. “Isn’t that too much…?”

They shared a look.

“Nope.”

“Trust us.”

They worked into her one at a time, one on the bed, her sliding onto him, feeling him filling her pussy like it had never been filled before. No tampon or toy, even when they’d been doing their training and they’d stretched her open with toys, had ever filled her this much.

They took a break, letting her lay on his chest as the other lubed up her ass next to prepare her for him to enter.

“Are you ready?”

She nodded, though her eyes were closed and she was still taking deep breaths.

The super soldier behind her started to press into her, going slow, so mercifully slow, and letting her stretch around him.

“Oh shit- (Y/n)- ah god, you’re so t-tight…”

Somehow he managed to push all the way in without many stops, and (Y/n) had never felt fuller in her life.

There was panting from in front and behind her as both men caught their breaths, and the three of them slowly started growing accustomed to the tight feeling.

When they started moving, she felt the way their cocks dragged at her skin, the friction feeling like pleasurable stroking pushing her closer to orgasm. They switched the way they thrust, and suddenly, Steve was pushing into her while Bucky was pulling out, then they were switching.

(Y/n) couldn’t breathe, it felt so good- her mind turned itself off, and the only thing going through her head was it trying to process the sensation of them moving inside her.

“Oh, fuck,” Bucky groaned, leaning in and tilting her chin to kiss her.

Steve kept thrusting, groaning as he moved. “God, f-f- feel so-” He pulled the kiss apart by turning (Y/n)’s face to him instead.

Bucky licked his lips as he watched them kiss, his hips bucking into her slowly and steadily.

Steve pulled back and kissed Bucky, who leaned into the kiss as well, both hugging tight around (Y/n).

They each took a breast, kneading and playing with it, tugging and rolling her nipples as they moved.

It was so good-

It was so much-

It was too good-

It was too much-!

(Y/n) let out a high pitched cry as she came, hard, squeezing tight around them, making Bucky and Steve both let out guttural sounds of surprise and pleasure.

“F-fuck-”

“Oh shit-”

Hands tightened on (Y/n), one set on her hips, the other on her thighs as both men picked up the pace.

“Bucky- she- she feels so good!”

“I know, Steve- she’s- she’s so tight it feels like she’s tryin’ to push me out-! Oh fuck, Dolly, you’re gonna make me cum-!”

“Oh God, Cookie, don’t- don’t stop squeezing me like that-! I’m- I’m right there- gonna cum-”

They seemed to communicate without any sounds as they both sped up, making (Y/n)’s voice raise as she came again, but their response this time was fucking into her harder.

“Fuck- fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bucky panted as he slammed into her, starting to ride close to the edge of orgasm.

“O-oh- uuuungh! B-Bucky- c’mon- let’s fill our girl with our cum,” Steve called out, his hips pistoning as he slid in and out.

“Yeah- r-ready when- when you are,” Bucky answered, his hands tightening on her. “She’s gettin’ close again, too-”

“A-alright, on- on Cookie’s signal, then,” Steve decided.

It was only a couple more movements before (Y/n) fell over the edge again, a scream leaving her as she came, tightening around them as her hips twitched, but between them, they kept them steady as they pushed into her as deep as they could and one after the other, filled her until she was dripping super soldier seed.

After a moment to catch their breath, the two men cleaned her up, and they all got comfortable in the bed.

“Oh fuck,” Bucky sighed. “That was great, Doll.”

“Agreed,” Steve nodded, wrapping an arm around her. “Good birthday present?”

(Y/n) managed to nod as she cuddled closer to them both. “Y-yeah… good…”

The two chuckled.

“Go on, sweetheart, go to sleep,” a deep voice murmured near her ear. “More time for fun tomorrow. You’ve been through a lot for now, though.”

(Y/n) drifted off, feeling Bucky and Steve following her quickly.

NOTES- Confirmed; Steve convinced Bucky to set the whole thing with the other woman up trying to lure (Y/n) to the conclusion that they were into women, too... Sneaky Steve.

Steve: We both really like her, right? Bucky: Yeah. Steve: And we both want her to join us, right? Bucky: Yeah. Steve: I’ve dropped hints all over... Both: ... Both: ... Bucky: Maybe she doesn’t think we’re into girls? Steve: ...I have a plan. Bucky: No- Steve, no. Steve: *quietly* Steve yes... Ok, so here’s what we’re gonna do... Bucky: *sighs and rubs face*

Tag List!

@tephi101 @lilypalmer1987 @pingu89 @gifsbysimplysonia @omnomsauruswrites @keldachick @Randomfandompenguin @mannls @screeching-student-unknown @lizfawn @ya-lyublu-tebya @their-bibliophile @the-fifth-marauder03 @ria132love @slender--spirit @awkward-haux @shuriss @muggleluna @cauraphernelia @ravenclawmuggles @stonedxsoldier @rainbowkisses31 @racheo91 @mrsmookie @emilysallysmith @sebbystanlover-vk @lillovin84 @leah2901 @igothroughphasesalot @letstalkaboutsebbaby @a-book-pressed-rose @badassbaker @lookwhatyoumademequeue @kiki5283 @blingblingboy @stressedandbandobessed7771 @justanothermarvelfan01 @boo-ven9eance @songforhema @rororo06 @the-omni-princess @dibsonamericasass @yknott81 @isaacunderground @thequeenreaders @viarogers @anamcg317 @trynnabemultifandom @karla-silva @janndishsstuff @imeanshitithappens @smoothdogsgirl @Jennmurawski13 @heartsaved @past-perfect-future-tense @Silver-starburst @nd1998sc @dumblani @Sj493494 @michelehansel @indiana-jackson @katharinemclaughlin-stuff @anxiousamandapanda @my-drowning-in-time @twopulses @my-favorite-fics-and-imagines

#stucky x reader #stucky x you #stucky x y/n #not for minors #Do NOT look if under 18 #reader insert

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orangepanic · 4 years ago

Text

I saw this “100 OTP questions” by @the-moon-dust-writings and figured I'd procrastinate:

1. Who loves flower crowns more?

Neither of them really, but Asami might make Iroh wear one just to laugh at him.

2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

Iroh. Asami likes it, too, but he usually initiates.

3. Who has awful taste in music?

Honestly, both of them. Asami likes terrible dance music and Iroh likes obscure combinations of horns and bells and stuff from different cultures.

4. Who is the meme lover?

Asami thinks they’re funny. Iroh doesn’t quite understand.

5. How did their second date go?

Iroh tried to take Asami somewhere very fancy, but the wait was too long. They ended up making out in a shadowy doorway down the street and missing their reservation entirely. Iroh was mortified, but Asami dragged him around the corner to a low-key noodle shop that has since become their favorite restaurant.

6. How many children do they want/have?

Asami thinks about three. Iroh, as many as Asami will agree to.

7. Who hides the weapons?

Iroh hides weapons for Asami around the house so she’ll always have something on hand. In a drawer in the kitchen, on her nightstand, etc. He knows she can take care of herself… and he stashes weapons for her anyway. Asami rolls her eyes but secretly thinks it’s sweet.

8. Who is the better dancer?

Asami. She likes dancing, and learned formal dancing in school. Iroh can’t dance at all, having skipped out on all his lessons as a child after bribing his instructor. He thought dancing is boring, but likes dancing with Asami and lets her lead.

9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?

No. They quite deliberately have a very normal wedding, including cutting out a lot of the more stuffy Fire Nation customs because Iroh doesn’t want Asami to feel out of place not having any family present.

10. What do their parents think of them dating?

Hiroshi Sato is livid, and actually tried to have Iroh assassinated from prison. His little girl, marry a firebender? A prince of the firebenders? Iroh’s parents are more accepting. Izumi initially thinks Asami is too young and gives Iroh a hard time about how quickly he got serious, but quickly comes around when it’s clear Asami is very mature for her age. Within a year Iroh’s parents are both hounding him on when he’ll make it official.

11. Are they a super sappy couple?

They are that couple everybody hates.

12. How did they get together?

They meet during the Equalist revolution, but don’t get together until long after. Iroh has a crush on Asami almost immediately, but spends forever sitting on it thinking it wasn’t the right time and trying to be friends until one day he just kind of slips up and kisses her. She kisses him back. It turns out Asami liked him, too, but she isn’t great at reading people and had no idea he was interested.

13. Who asked the other to get married?

Iroh just kind of blurts it out one day.

14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Asami is the night owl. Iroh makes the bad jokes.

15. Who is the nerd?

Oh my god, both of them. Asami is more of the classic nerd. Iroh is more of a dork.

16. Who knows the most obscure facts?

Iroh.

17. Who makes the other a flower crown?

Two questions about flower crowns out of 100?? Changing this to who is more dominant in bed. Asami.

18. Who likes to read?

Iroh. They both do, but he’s much more into it.

19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?

Asami. She has the shorter attention span.

20. Who tutors the other?

They both would in different subjects. Asami is better at math, physics, etc. Iroh is better at philosophy and languages.

21. Do they have similar taste in movies?

No. Asami likes gory slasher films and lots of action. Iroh scoffs and thinks they’re dumb. Asami, in turn, thinks his period dramas can be kind of boring, and refuses to count documentaries as movies. But there’s a healthy overlap in things like Vikings and Game of Thrones.

22. How do their personalities complement each other?

Asami helps Iroh lighten up a bit, drawing him out of his shell, and gives him an anchor and a sense of home. She’s more social than he is, and a lot of her friends eventually become his. But she’s also quiet enough and serious enough that she doesn’t tire him out and can feed his need for downtime. Iroh, in turn, loves seldom but deeply, and gives Asami the kind of fierce, unconditional love and stability she needs. He’s also genuinely interested in her projects, is smart enough to follow most of it, and is one of the only people who can occasionally beat her in Pai Sho. They have a lot of fun together just being nerds.

23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?

They don’t have to tell anybody. It’s all over Iroh’s face like a big neon sign.

24. Who has better fashion sense?

Asami, but not by much. She’s more up to date with trends, while Iroh’s style is clean and classic.

25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

Hoo boy, both of them. Do not go there.

26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

Neither of them sing in the satomobile. Iroh has a decent voice, but he’s a bit private about it. Asami mostly hums.

27. What other couple would your otp get along with?

Iroh quickly becomes BFFs with Bolin. Asami and Opal aren’t quite as close, but they like each other’s company and have fun as a foursome. They also get along quite well with Pema and Tenzin.

28. Who likes to prank the other?

Iroh tries more often. Asami’s pranks are more successful.

29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

Iroh, though generally Korra is the picture taker in the group.

30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

Iroh raises an eyebrow. “Hmm.” Asami only shrugs. They both already knew that.

31. Where would they live?

They like Republic City and decide to stay downtown, first in an apartment and eventually a larger townhouse.

32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?

Whichever one Iroh made friends with. Asami is a bit wary of animals and would need him to convince her it was safe.

33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?

The kind that live in a beautiful house with perfect collections that took hundreds of years to make. Iroh has first editions of everything in a giant library, arranged in a complex system only he understands. He’s working on his 14th language. Asami has invented artificial blood and doesn’t miss sunburns. Occasionally she’ll throw one of those big fancy vampire balls just so they can both get dressed up. They’re pretty happy.

34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

They once went as Lady Tienhai and the last king of Mo Ce because picking something obscure and historical was the only way to get Iroh into a costume.

35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?

Kind of. They are both really into food, so picking a favorite is hard. But if the question is can they order for one another, absolutely.

36. Do they have pet names for one another?

Asami sometimes calls Iroh “General Hotstuff” when she’s teasing. Iroh sometimes calls Asami “sex pretzel” when he’s 1000% sure they are alone.

37. How do they cheer each other up?

Asami is more of a gift giver. She’ll show up with Iroh’s favorite take-out or make him something in her workshop—anything to make him feel special and valued. Iroh is all about quality time, and will swing by Asami’s office to haul her out on surprise dates. He also gives great hugs.

38. Do they show a lot of PDA?

No. Iroh is very uncomfortable with PDA, especially when he’s in uniform. Asami follows his lead.

39. How old were they when they got together?

Asami was 19-20, Iroh 24-25.

40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

Iroh, 100%. He’s such a sucker.

41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

Yes, though Asami is the only one who really tries.

42. What is their song?

They don’t really have one.

43. What does their room look like?

Asami moved in with Iroh, so it’s very basic. White walls, perfectly made bed, a neatly organized desk in the far corner by the window. He’s a total minimalist, having spent most of his adult life on a ship. Asami added a very fluffy comforter in *gasp* a color and lots of pillows.

44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?

They’d take turns, and at some point Asami would turn it into a contest.

45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

Iroh. Asami is a terrible cook.

46. Who loves kids more?

Iroh.

47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Not crazy, but Iroh and his ex are not on good terms. He doesn’t like to talk about it.

48. What are their favourite colours?

Asami, purple. Iroh, black. He gets annoyed when people get him so much red stuff.

49. Who likes to cook?

Iroh. He fired Asami from the kitchen, something they are both grateful for.

50. Who is the forgetful one?

Asami.

51. Does either of them know how to fight?

Have you met these people?

52. What do they do for Valentines Day?

Iroh would probably plan something elaborate for them to go out. Asami would plan something sexy for when they got home.

53. Who swears more?

Asami, at least out loud. Iroh mostly swears under his breath.

54. Who has the better comebacks?

Asami. It’s not even close.

55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?

Probably Asami, unless it was about the kids. If anyone comes for Iroh’s kids, they’d better hide.

56. Who reads buzzfeed?

Asami.

57. Who is the hopeless romantic?

Iroh, hands down.

58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

Asami can manage it.

59. Who can rap better?

Asami, though Iroh is the only one who actually listens to rap.

60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?

Asami would love to. Iroh laughs. “Been there.”

61. What do they usually text about?

Some version of “I miss you” or random pictures of stuff. They generally only text when Iroh is away as they’re both busy during the day.

62. Who is the dramatic one?

Asami has a shorter fuse. Iroh is more ridiculous when he loses his shit.

63. Is either one confrontational?

Not really.

64. What is their favourite cuddle position?

Asami will lay on top of Iroh on the couch like a sandwich. It’s the only position she seems to be able to nap in.

65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

See above about terrible taste in music.

66. What are their parenting styles?

Iroh covers a lot of the basics. He sets a schedule, makes lunches, tells bedtime stories, is more likely to help with the homework. Asami is the one who gets them around and does most of the interacting with teachers, other parents, etc. They share things fairly equally.

67. Who would be the more laid back one?

Iroh.

68. Who listens to more vulgar music?

Asami.

69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

Yes. Asami can be secretive about some of her projects, both out of an abundance of caution but also because she likes a big reveal. Iroh keeps some past relationship stuff close, and will occasionally read a steamy romance novel for “tips.”

70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?

Bolin and Opal

71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?

Iroh tips very well.

72. How do they work out a fight?

Asami yells. Iroh yells back. One of them storms off. The other one waits about half an hour then goes to find them, usually with an offering of food. There are hugs. Somebody cries. Then they finally talk it out before falling asleep together.

73. Who brings home an illegal pet?

Asami. She is less likely to have a pet, but if she does, it’s going to be a weird one.

74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?

Iroh is on the side by the window because he likes to get up with the sun.

75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?

There’s a photo Korra took at the beach where Iroh has Asami thrown over his shoulder right before dunking her in the water. This is the picture he takes with him when he’s deployed.

76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?

Asami.

77. Who has more songs on their ipod?

Iroh. If you can call them songs.

78. What movie did they first see together?

Iroh took her to Last Days of the Sun Warriors. She fell asleep. He said the book was better.

79. What do they like to see each other in?

Asami thinks Iroh’s butt looks great in jeans. Iroh got Asami a red silk robe from the Fire Nation and likes to see it fall off.

80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

Iroh.

81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?

Mid-20s, though they don’t have them until a little later.

82. What do they love about each other the most?

Iroh likes that Asami is tough and smart and a problem-solver. Asami likes that Iroh is kind and brave and has a strong moral compass.

83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

They are both big picture people, which is sometimes a problem. Of the two, Asami is probably better at details, but she’s also forgetful.

84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?

Asami would probably put up a picture of them and say something brief but sweet. Iroh doesn’t really understand social media and would just paste a heart-eyes emoji.

85. Who is bad at math?

Iroh. He’s not bad, per se, but Asami is very, very good.

86. Who googles everything?

Asami.

87. Who does stuff on impulse?

Both of them in different ways. Asami is generally more flexible. Iroh usually has a plan but makes big decisions completely off the cuff.

88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

Lots of physical touch. Iroh will kind of just wrap himself around her in one giant, whole body hug. Asami will spend some time cursing out whomever is causing the issue, then let him lay his head in her lap and give Iroh a good head scratch or massage.

89. What is an inside joke they have?

There was one time they had sex in Asami’s office at Future Industries, so occasionally she’ll drop things like, “feel like coming by the office?” with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Iroh is, predictably, very embarrassed. Also interested.

90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Asami: *exists* Iroh: *smiles*

91. What is their favourite holiday?

New Years is a big deal in the Fire Nation. Iroh loves his family and likes going home, and Asami has grown to love it almost as much.

92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

They take turns. Both of them can have quite a temper when pushed too hard.

93. What is their favourite board game to play?

They’re both big Pai Sho fans, but can get into any kind of strategy game. Nobody really likes to play them though, they're too good.

94. Who accidentally sets something on fire?

Asami. Iroh hasn’t had a fire accident since he was four.

95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?

Asami. She’d rob the store, too, but no way is she letting Iroh drive.

96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?

Iroh booked a private box at the Republic City Opera, thinking that was an impressive thing he should do on a date. It turns out neither of them like opera, and by the end they were both making fun of it.

97. Who sleep talks?

Asami. Iroh thinks it’s funny.

98. Who is the more social one?

Asami, by a long shot.

99. What are their karaoke songs?

Neither of them would really sing karaoke, but Iroh cannot hold his liquor like at all so if he ever got really plastered Asami might be able to drag him up there. By which point he’d be too far gone to have an opinion on the song and would sing just about anything.

100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

Asami.

#irosami #this is all canon now #kidding

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latter-day-saint-nick · 5 years ago

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I heard that the BBC Dracula adaptation written by Stephen Moffat was really bad, and it made me curious to see just how bad it was, so I decided to watch it for myself. It was not one of my smarter decisions.

But in order that my suffering won’t have been completely in vain, I’ll recap it here for those who are curious as well, to spare you the pain of actually having to watch it. You’re welcome!

Let me describe the viewing experience as best I can.

I have a BBC iPlayer account, so I could watch the show legally. My wife tells me to pirate it instead to avoid giving Moffat the views. She is right. I click on the first episode.

Episode 1

We start with a framing device of a severely ill Jonathan Harker in a Hungarian monastery, telling his story to two nuns. I do not hate this framing device. The original novel was told through diary entries, newspaper articles and letters, so having different characters tell the story of what happened to them to others is a neat way to adapt this type of literary device. The dialogue quickly takes a turn for the ridiculous, though, when one of the nuns, Sister Agatha, asks Jonathan in a silly accent if he had sexual intercourse with Count Dracula. Because queerbaiting? Is vampirism an STD now?

Still, the show tricks us into thinking that it’s going to be a fairly straightforward adaptation of the story as Jonathan recounts how he arrived at the castle, met the Count and became his prisoner. Later, this will turn out to be a sweet, sweet lie, but I don’t know that yet. At first, Dracula looks about a hundred years old and has a bad Romanian accent, but the more he feeds on Jonathan, the younger he gets, and the more refined and posh his British accent. Because this Dracula does not just absorb his victims’ lifeforce but also their knowledge. I find that stupid.

Dracula says the famous “I do not drink... wine” line. Badly. Still, the reference is mildly cute the first time. He repeats the line several times throughout the show, and it gets progressively less funny each time.

Jonathan reads a letter from his fiancee, Mina. In it, she jokes about how she’s going to sleep with all the cute men in the neighbourhood while he’s gone, as well as the adorable bar maiden, if she needs some variety. I sigh as I realize that this is probably what Moffat considers good queer representation.

At one point Jonathan talks about falling asleep, and Sister Agatha proceeds to ask him if he had dirty dreams about his fiancee. She persists with the question, even after Jonathan tells her that that’s private. It doesn’t seem like a pertinent question, but I guess Sister Agatha is just a pervert. Or maybe Moffat is.

Jonathan finishes his story about how he escaped from the castle. He bemoans that he can’t go home to England, because he is such a changed man and he can’t even remember his fiancee’s face. Sister Agatha reveals that the other nun with her is actually Mina. What a tweest! Apparently even before Jonathan told his story, Sister Agatha managed to figure out that he is English, tracked him down, found his fiancee and had her brought over to Budapest. The show is clearly hoping that the unexpectedness of this twist is going to distract us from the fact that it makes no damn sense at all.

It also turns out that Jonathan has become a vampire, and the sight of blood nearly makes him attack Mina. Of course, being one of the main heroes, he was never turned in the novel, not that that matters.

At this point Dracula shows up at the gates of the monastery in the form of a wolf. And I don’t mean that he shapeshifts like an Animorph. He is literally inside the wolf’s body, and he claws his way out of it, emerging at the gates naked and covered in wolf blood. I really don’t know why.

He and Sister Agatha proceed to have a sass-off. My wife makes fun of the dialogue by saying that it’s basically this:

“I’m a badass sister!” “Yeah, but I’m Dracula!” “Yeah, but I’m a badass sister!” “Yeah, but I’m Dracula!” “Yeah, but I’m a badass sister!” “Yeah, but I’m Dracula!” “Yeah, but I’m a badass sister!” “Yeah, but I’m Dracula!”

By the time my wife has finished the joke, the banter is still going on. It feels like it’s never going to end.

The Mother Superior tells the nuns to arm themselves. My wife starts wondering if we’re actually watching a Mel Brooks movie. Also, Sister Agatha is revealed to be Van Helsing. This is not as meaningful as the show seems to think it is, as she and Dracula haven’t had any past encounters. So it’s really just, “Oh, she’s actually a gender-swapped character from the book. That’s cool, I guess.

Finally, Dracula slinks off because he can’t get inside the monastery without being invited. He manages to find Jonathan, now fully a vampire, at a window and gets him to invite him in. You’d think this would be the end of the stupidity, but clearly I haven’t suffered enough yet.

Jonathan finds Mina and Sister Agatha. Sister Agatha tries to fend him off, since he’s, you know, a vampire and tried to feed off of Mina earlier. Mina, however, believes that the power of love can save him, so she approaches him. I point out that in the book, Mina was characterized as being very intelligent, not that that matters. As it turns out, it wasn’t Jonathan at all, but Dracula, wearing Jonathan’s skin, which he rips off, like something out of Hellraiser. He never uses this power again in the rest of the series.

The episode ends with him attacking the two women. Against my better judgement, I decide to watch the next episode, because while this was bad, it was bad in a fascinating way. Almost like something Tommy Wiseau would make. Okay, maybe not. Tommy Wiseau as Dracula would have been a lot more entertaining.

I click on the next episode.

Episode 2

We start with another framing device. This time Dracula is telling the story of his voyage to London to Sister Agatha while they’re playing chess. See, it’s symbolic, because they’re having a game of wits where they’re trying to outsmart each other! Okay, to be honest, I have no idea what Sister Agatha is trying to do. I guess Moffat is too clever for me.

Sister Agatha asks Dracula how he got to England. He tells her that he went on a ship. Inexplicably, this is not the end of that, but he proceeds to tell her about everything that happened on the ship, including conversations between characters that he wasn’t there for. Maybe he was listening at their doors.

I sense impending doom when I realize that this boat journey is going to take up the entire episode. In the book, it only took up a few pages, not that that matters.

Rather than staying in his coffin in the hold during the day, as he does in the book (not that that matters), Dracula mingles with the passengers. When Sister Agatha expresses surprises at that, he comments on how stupid it would be to stay in his coffin in the hold. You know, more adaptations should have lines about how stupid the source material is. It makes you look so smart.

How does Dracula avoid the sunlight during the day, though? Never fear, he simply spits out a pall of fog that surrounds the ship at all times and blocks out the sunlight, because I guess that’s a power he has. Like his wearing of other creatures’ skin, it’s not one he ever uses again, though. He tells Sister Agatha, “Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you.” Because referencing songs from a hundred years in the future is apparently also a power that he has.

We are introduced to the other passengers, who are a surprisingly diverse bunch. I can’t get too excited about this, however, as I know that they are all going to die. One of the passengers is an Indian doctor who has encountered the undead in the past. That would probably make for a more interesting story than this one, but then again, I don’t really want Moffat to tell it, so I don’t know why I’m complaining.

Dracula starts killing off crew and passengers one by one. I keep expecting the show to cut back to the chess game, with him telling Sister Agatha, “To make a long story short, I killed them all.”

The passengers begin to fear a killer on board, but never seem to suspect Dracula, who plays them against each other. They also discover that they’re all travelling to England at the behest of the same mysterious benefactor, who of course is Dracula, using a pseudonym. Because he hand-picked all of them for the special qualities he would gain from drinking their blood or something. It is way more convoluted than it needs to be. Is Moffat capable of writing a protagonist who is not an arrogant white man too clever for everyone around him? We may never know...

Throughout the episode there’s references to an unseen invalid staying in cabin 9. It turns out to be Sister Agatha, whom Dracula has been steadily draining. The chess game is just a hallucination that he induces in her while he drinks her blood. What a tweest!

Just like in the previous episode, the framing device is dropped about two-thirds through and we are now seeing the story in present tense. Dracula frames Sister Agatha as being the mystery killer, but she manages to reveal that he is a vampire just as she is about to get hanged by the crew. They manage to fend him off, but not before a few more characters die by being incredibly stupid.

One of the characters is a young English lord who just got married to a rich heiress, but is secretly having an affair with an African man pretending to be his servant. I can never remember his name, so I call him Gaylord (I’m allowed to make jokes like this). Gaylord is Dracula’s new business partner and he betrays the rest of the humans, because he thinks Dracula is his BFF and values his skills as a businessman. As it turns out, Dracula only chose Gaylord because of his wife’s wealth. Now that he has killed her, her money goes to Gaylord, and by draining Gaylord, it goes to Dracula. I was unaware that being someone’s business partner entitles you to inherit all their money after their death, so I assume that Dracula acquires people’s money by drinking their blood, just like he acquires their skills and attributes.

Sister Agatha assumes command over the ship, using her divine nun powers, I guess, and she prepares for Dracula to return and finish off the rest of the humans. I get bored and finish a chapter in a book I was reading earlier.

Eventually Sister Agatha blows up the ship to prevent Dracula from ever reaching England, which they keep referring to as “the New World”. That’s not what that term means, but who cares at this point? Dracula, encased in one of his boxes, sinks to the bottom of the ocean, only to break out and walk the rest of the way to England along the ocean floor. There he is greeted by cars and helicopters and someone who looks like Sister Agatha, but wearing modern clothes. What a tweest! Did it take him a hundred years to break out of his casket, or is this like The Village, where we were in modern times all along? The episode ends here, so I guess I’ll have to watch the next one to find out.

I am curious to see this stupidity unfold, but not sure I can take any more right now. But my wife applies some peer pressure, and I put on the final episode. Pray for me!

Episode 3

The previous two episodes were pretty bad, yes, but mostly in a way I can handle and even laugh at. They have not at all prepared me for what I am about to witness.

This episode doesn’t have a framing device, which makes me wonder why we bothered with those in the other two.

The Sister Agatha clone turns out to be her great-grandniece, Zoe. So it’s like Back to the Future where people keep having relatives who look exactly like them. Except Back to the Future is a comedy, and this is meant to be taken seriously.

Dracula escapes from the Anti-Dracula Brigade on the beach and breaks into some poor woman’s home after killing her husband and stuffing him in the fridge. I’m not sure if this is meant to be funny or scary. It ends up being neither. Dracula kills the woman as well, after lecturing her for taking all her modern-day luxuries for granted. Social commentary, I guess?

We are introduced to Seward, a young medical student who makes up for his lack of personality with a creepy obsession with his friend, a vapid, selfish party girl. Yes, this is Lucy Westenra. I found her a likable character in the novel. Not that that matters. I call this Lucy a slut, only for Lucy to make a comment on slut-shaming, which makes me feel bad. The irony is that I’m pretty sure we’re meant to see Lucy as slutty and shallow.

We’re also introduced to Quincey. He’s a douchebag. In the novel he was kind, brave and heroic. Not that that... whatever.

Seward is contacted by the Anti-Dracula Brigade, which is actually called the Jonathan Harker Foundation, but I prefer Anti-Dracula Brigade. It was formed by Sister Agatha’s relatives and Mina Murray with the goal to find Dracula and then to keep him alive to study him. I honestly would have thought that Mina would want Dracula dead, after he terrorized her and murdered her fiance, rather than sticking him in a cage for science, but it’s not like character motivations have to make sense. After all, this is Moffat, bitch!

Van Helsing explains to her students that Dracula was in suspended animation for over a hundred years at the bottom of the ocean until she accidentally woke him by sticking her fingers in his mouth, which allowed him to draw blood and be renewed. She doesn’t explain why her Anti-Dracula Brigade consists of medical students, rather than experts in their fields. She also doesn’t explain why he didn’t grow old again, like he was at the start of episode 1, after not having had anything to eat for over 120 years.

Dracula has been caught and is contained in a cell at the Brigade’s headquarters. I honestly don’t remember how that happened. Did they forget to show us that or did I just black out? Both seem like likely options. The cell contains what I assume is a Kindle, to keep Dracula occupied. Van Helsing comes to talk to him, and he scoffs at the idea of a woman being in charge. She tells him that he slept through the women’s rights movement. I am paralyzed with fear that Moffat is going to attempt to explain women’s rights to me. Why would God test me like this? My relief knows no bounds when the characters change the subject immediately. God is good after all.

This reprieve doesn’t last long. My faith is once again tested when I am forced to witness one of the most idiotic scenes I have ever had the misfortune to watch on screen. It begins when Renfield is brought in. I know that a Dracula adaptation turning silly when Renfield is introduced is not unusual, but Moffat always strives to exceed expectations of ridiculousness. In this version Renfield is Dracula’s lawyer, working for the same firm that he hired 120 years ago when Jonathan was their representative. They have been Skyping, using what I thought was a Kindle, but turns out to be a proper tablet. It wasn’t supposed to be connected to the internet, but all Dracula had to do was guess the WiFi password. Which was his own name.

I cannot deal with this. This scene has broken me. I am a broken man. I cry out in anguish and despair, for what else can I do? My wife, who has gone to the kitchen to get herself a drink, comes to see if I am okay. I am not. I may never be okay again. Moffat has marred my soul forever.

Renfield argues that the Anti-Dracula Brigade is keeping Dracula against his will and that he hasn’t actually done anything illegal, so they are forced to set him free. On the way out, Dracula finds Seward’s phone and uses it to meet up with Lucy. There’s also something about Van Helsing having cancer and drinking some of Dracula’s blood in the hopes that it will cure her. I don’t really care about this, but it’s important to the plot.

There’s a time-skip of a few months. Lucy is engaged to Quincey, but still sneaks off regularly for dates with Dracula where she lets him feed off her. I suspect that this is Moffat’s attempt at making the character more feminist. You see, instead of just passively being attacked by Dracula in her sleep at night, she actively goes out to find him and chooses to be drained by him! This does not make her a better character. Really, it just makes her seem stupid as well as callous, since she doesn’t give a damn about any of Dracula’s other victims who don’t give him consent to drink their blood.

There is a very annoying reference to the novel when a vampire child calls Lucy “Bloofer Lady”. Like the wine line, it sounds more stupid every time the show repeats it. Also, the vampire kid shows up in one more scene before Dracula kills him. Glad he served a point.

Dracula finally drains Lucy. Her family holds a funeral, thinking that she’s dead. But as she’s been infected with vampirism, she is fully conscious while she is being cremated. So we get to watch her burn alive, screaming in pain all the while. Hey, did I mention that Lucy is played by a black actress? Remember in season 10 of Doctor Who when something terrible would happen to Bill Potts every other episode, like having a hole shot through her chest or being turned into a Cyberman? Now, I’m not saying that Moffat enjoys having horrifying things happen to his black female characters... but I’m not not saying it either.

Lucy escapes from her coffin and takes revenge on the crematorium workers. During this scene we only see her reflection, in which she looks normal, which makes it painfully obvious that this is only how she sees herself, and in reality she’s going to be revealed to be horribly burned. The show plays coy with this for an annoyingly long time.

Van Helsing, still dying of cancer, breaks out of the hospital with help from Seward and they go visit Dracula in his flat. Yes, Dracula has a flat. It’s not hidden or anything. It’s even listed in the phone book. Look, it’s almost over, so who cares?

Lucy shows up as well and after more pointless build-up, we finally get to see her real appearance, which, surprise, surprise, is horribly burned. She is oblivious to this, because vampires’ reflections are weird in a way that is never really explained. Dracula sees himself in the mirror as old and decaying, whereas Lucy sees herself as being still pretty. I don’t know what it means, apart from that Moffat doesn’t understand vampire mythology and feels that it needs to be made more interesting.

Seward encourages Lucy to take a selfie, which reveals her true face. Why the rules for cameras are different from the rules for mirrors is not explained either. Lucy breaks down crying because being ugly is a fate worse than death. Seward tells her that he still wants to kiss her, because I guess this was meant to be the message? Something about true love? She begs him for death. They kiss and he mercy-kills her. In the book the people who loved Lucy had to kill her to save her immortal soul and to protect the world from the monster she had become, which has a bit more emotional resonance than saving her from having to be ugly for eternity. But, you know. NOT THAT THAT MATTERS.

Van Helsing sends Seward away for her final confrontation with Dracula, because she has him figured out. Having the memories of her great-aunt Agatha within her, which she gained from drinking Dracula’s blood, which he gained from drinking Agatha’s blood, she exposits that Dracula isn’t actually harmed by sunlight or crosses. He just fears death more than anything and so he doesn’t like the sight of the cross which represents someone being willing to die. Okay, but that doesn’t explain his aversion to sunlight! What does that have to do with death? She also spouts off some nonsense about how his fear of death originated from being the weakest in a family of noblemen and soldiers. Um, Moffat? You do realize that Dracula is based on Vlad the Impaler, right? Someone who was known for, well, impaling his enemies? But, again, it’s almost over, so let’s just get on with it!

Van Helsing tells Dracula that because she is dying of cancer, she is accomplishing the one thing he is afraid of doing, which somehow convinces him to kill himself by drinking her cancerous blood, which is poison to him. To make this experience painless for her, he creates an illusion for her where they’re, um, tenderly making love? What the hell? Is that what all their previous scenes were leading up to? Okay, if you say so.

Wait, is that the real reason why Moffat made Van Helsing a woman? Screw you, Moffat! Screw you so much!

Credits roll. This ends one of the worst television viewing experiences I’ve ever had. I go on YouTube to rewatch Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here’s Why. It is deeply cathartic.

#bbc dracula #flipping moffat

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