#they’re not doing anything i’m not to look more androgynous

[autismbeast]

the gender dysphoria problem as seeing myself as masc with medium length hair and ppl irl seeing me as a woman

[genderqueerdykes]

i saw a few asks on here and i really wanted to give my view on the manhatred when it comes to beng non binary because i feel like it’s a perspective i don’t see all too often.

I myself identify as non binary but not super openly, i’m mostly out to friends and online spaces but in any other space i identify as purely male for the sake of my safety.

I was originally ftm though, i didn’t pass until a bit later in life and only when i fully passed and felt “manly enough” i felt comfortable to realise i still like being feminine and androgynous.

i’m happy there’s a group of people that want to love and accept transmasc people because i genuinely don’t think i’ve ever seen this topic come up, or at least brought to my attention:

yes, amab enby’s get less accepted than afab enby’s, but what about enby’s that have transitioned and AREN’T fem presenting?

i’m still trans, i was still afab, why am i not getting included either? why do i get included more as a femboy than i would just being myself? why are all my masculine traits hated? i worked so hard and was so proud of those traits and it feels like i have to act more feminine and look girlier to feel good in the community because people don’t really care for anything masculine when that really isn’t the issue. I’m very soft and kindhearted, i’m not very violent, i try to be very understanding but again, i think just the fact i LOOK and ACT like a man makes people uncomfortable with me.

the afab>>amab thing is so stupid because i’m just as trans as an afab enby all while looking like an amab enby.

You can’t just discount any non binary person because of their birth gender. If i don’t open up about my journey and just tell others that i’m non binary they’ll assume i only transitioned socially, not physically.

I don’t HAVE to open up about my entire journey as a trans person. I still carry that early weight and fear of telling people because of how unsafe it felt to do so when i just existed as male. Being trans is not fun guys. I’m not just a silly kid being all like “hehe haha i should be a special snowflake and join this fuckass community for laughs” no, i already lived through the hell that was being a non passing male, then the shocking yet really liberating feeling of realising i’m non binary. I don’t owe my entire story just to be accepted by a group that should’ve already done so.

I never associate myself with the queer community because i don’t feel as loved, accepted or (and most importantly) protected by it. I identify as these things because it is who i am, but it feels as if i do that on my own. everyone i tell is on my side of course but it feels like a safe community i built for myself, not like one that took me under its wing. I’m scared to be more open in queer spaces as a trans enby because of how amab enby’s are often treated, because people don’t care about anything i have to say unless i can relate it to femininity.

I feel liberated acting girly and feminine but that’s not who i always am. I love looking like a boy in a pretty dress but why is that more adored than when i just wear a hoodie and my jeans? what’s the fucking difference really? you don’t know me, you don’t know who i am and the only person that knows is me. When someone says “kill all men” or “fuck all men” “men are trash” “every guy is the same” they are going to neglect the trans people that will identity with men because of safety. And no, that’s not only because our cis heteronormative society disrespects different identities, but it includes when queer spaces are unsafe for us. There are trans women who say they’re men. there are enby’s who say they’re men. And there’s trans men and transmasc people who will have lived their entire life having to prove their masculinity just to be shat on by the community for them, there’s also just men. Men who haven’t done anything wrong to be told they shouldn’t exist being who they are by a community that wants everyone to be true to themselves.

being a newer en y makes this so obvious. Trying to find people like you is weirdly difficult. Anyway that was my take. Hopefully it made sense <33

it did make sense! i only have one small thing to add on so i don't take away from your experience, thank you so much for sharing.

yes, amab enby’s get less accepted than afab enby’s, but what about enby’s that have transitioned and AREN’T fem presenting?

exactly this. people refuse to accept masc enbies. people refuse to accept transmasculine enbies and nonbinary trans men. people still see nonbinary as woman-lite or a synonym for "femme" and it's so old. furthermore, why are people making this conversation an oppression gauntlet, too? it shouldn't be "the least accepted person in the room gets to talk the entire time and everyone else has to listen in rapt silence." everyone should be given a chance to speak equally.

why is nonbinaryhood also only being defined by who is the "most oppressed"? we have to move past identifying ourselves by our oppression and suffering and misery and nothing else. we have to give other queer people chances to speak even if you perceive them as more accepted by society. you may realize that's not the case if you listen.

[milkymora]

If it's okay can I have some Azusa Mukami headcanons?

✧ azusa mukami - headcanons ✧

hi, sure thing, here they come! i had a lot of fun writing these, although i got so sad to think about his appearance... nevertheless, i hope these will be of your liking. credits of the pics used to their respective owners on pinterest! enjoy ^◡^

(edit: guys this post was flagged as “possible mature content” and looking back at it i think it’s because of the description of azusa’s body... should i have put a tw for malnutrition? maybe this triggered someone, i should’ve thought about it more deeply before posting it🤦🏻‍♀️ i’m so sorry, i’m gonna remove that part from the hdcs.)

ꞝ his childhood.

azusa’s demeanor could’ve been described as pretty much the calmer of the mukamis. he’s always been a quiet boy, who didn’t speak much unless talked to;

contrary to what one may think though, that didn’t really make him an introvert. azusa was (and is) a people lover, he enjoyed spending time with other kids, whether it was to play games or simply stay with one another without really doing much. he just loved company.

indeed, after meeting his brothers, he totally clinged to each one of them for different reasons. to ruki when he needed to hear wise words and seek reassurance, to kou when he wanted to play around and with yuma when he wanted to feel somewhat “protected”.

ꞝ his appearance.

/

his visage could be described as a poem. azusa has one of the most beautiful faces of all the diaboys, with his soft features that makes him look friendly and welcoming... and much less dangerous than the others, although his numerous scars.

his lips are thin, his cheeks always rosy. he’s got a slightly hooked nose and almond, azure lilac eyes with long lashes. he’s very androgynous, kids often struggle to understand his sex. they only get it after noticing his very pronounced adam’s apple.

ꞝ his likes.

studying. this boy is a curious soul since his early years; he loves diving into all kinds of books, novels... he particularly loves kids books to the core, his absolute favorite being “the little prince”. he finds comfort in children’s tails, it heals something within him everytime he adds another piece to his collection.

not only reading, though. i strongly believe he also has a weakness for writing, too. he has a personal diary which he uses both to write his personal feelings and create his own fictional stories. it’s a secret talent of his and undoubtedly his biggest passion.

aquariums, art museums and libraries are his top three favorite spaces. aquariums being on top of the list due to his love for water animals. he’s obsessed with fish.

ꞝ his dislikes.

hot weather is such a nuisance to him, he detests sweating so much, it drives him crazy. he’s much more of a winter guy.

debates. whether it is at school or with his brothers, or anyone else really, he just hates them so much. not because he doesn’t have opinions– not at all, he’s actually very smart and has a surface knowledge on pretty much anything... still, he doesn’t enjoy the sort of adrenaline/pression debating gives him. it makes him anxious.

too narrow spaces. he’s pretty claustrophobic, he needs to be outdoors often, or else he might literally have a meltdown.

ngl, i had other hdcs in mind for him but i didn’t wanna write too much. i’d love to talk about his close relationship with his brothers and dig deeper into his past before meeting them, i love the mukamis, they’re the bests.

✧ dl navigation. masterlist.

[trueshredguitar]

I saw your post tags about transitioning would save Hawkeye pierce and I’m very curious, say more (if you’d like)

hawkeye has a lot of scenes that convey gender nonconformity under a humorous lens. sometimes it’s scenes implying that he’s sexually or romantically attracted to men; these scenes aren’t just “haha he’s expressing attraction to men,” they’re often based around the premise of hawkeye being a wife, being a woman, being pursued/“claimed,” and a shocking amount of references to pregnancy? see: “i know you’re a general and i’m just a captain but i wanna have your baby! i’ll kiss all your stars!”

i.e. the joke being made is about hawkeye liking men but it’s RARELY phrased as him being a homosexual man, it’s OFTEN phrased as him being a heterosexual woman

and sometimes it’s simply scenes calling him a girl or making references to him being soft/feminine/emasculated. often times he will make these jokes HIMSELF and call himself an aunt, a mother, a girl, demure or other adjectives that women were socialized to aspire to in the era. his friends will often refer to him like this without any hint of mocking, just lightheartedness (trapper referring to him as “miz hawkeye”)

i apologize that i don’t have the links right now but if you go into my archive and look in my “mash” tag there are video compliations of a lot of these moments, and the compliations don’t even include all of them

also imo these moments hawkeye has a) contrast with klinger’s relationship to his femininity/gender nonconformity, as he is all about playing with outward presentation, and b) compare with margaret’s relationship to HER gender. which, margaret’s gender by itself is an absolutely wildly progressive examination of womanhood where she is allowed to be “masculine” in many aspects of her life while still asserting herself that she is a WOMAN and always will be despite what she does, or how her life, career, or personality looks. that SHE is the arbiter and determinator of her gender and not how much she keeps into the femininity box. i wish i had concrete examples of why i think this, but it’s been a little bit since i watched the show and i think it’s mostly me reading too much into things

i think also hawkeye’s disassociation issues and complex ptsd is really like. advanced in contrast to other people in the 4077th. he’s the main character for a reason and that’s because he’s the one with the deepest emotional wounds and the drunkest, promiscuous, saddest, most insomniatic doctor in the place. there had been psychological issues in place before he had been sent to korea and none of them were very cut-and-dry as we find.

in conclusion i think the fictional man with noted androgynous presentation who flouts gender conventions as well as masculine army structures and patriarchal power structures and constantly refers to himself as a woman and uses a psuedonym instead of his birth name and has very pronounced psychological issues and self-harming tendencies could be trans in 1950-whatever without good words for it, or be unable to in any way shape or form live authentically, and i think being able to be a woman would have probably made hawkeye’s life just a little bit easier. maybe transitioning wouldn’t save her because estrogen won’t airlift you out of korea but like maybe hawkeye would be a little less buffeted by the outward winds of the world. if any part of the world wouldn’t have buffeted her harder for it, anyways.

i mean, one of mash’s biggest themes at the end of the day is that we’re trapped in the time loop, a small and restrictive and violent thing set up by forces outside of our control that will hurt us if we defy them or dare to do anything the loop doesn’t already contain. and it hurts everyone, all the time, and no one knows why we keep doing it, only that we have to. and hawkeye’s the central victim of this. the time loop is war, the time loop is gender, the time loop is the american empire, the time loop is religion, the time loop is being who you are, forever, as They have forced you to be

[theg-h-o-s-tontheshore]

First off, I wanna say that I mean no disrespect to the artists who worked on Hazbin Hotel. It’s just that I’ve been seeing people make redesigns of Hazbin characters, and though I don’t usually participate in stuff like this (it seems fun, and you are all incredibly talented. I just feel kinda bad tinkering with someone else’s work like this), the show made me frustrated, and frustrated induced brain-vomit started sloshing around in my skull so noisily that it’s been keeping me up. And, well, I had to get it out somehow.

So…here ya go, I guess. It’s nothing crazy or new. It’s just a few disgustingly rough ideas for this very specific version of Charlie that I kept seeing in my head. They’re far from polished or anything, and they’re definitely missing some key details because I’ve been hyper-fixating on trying to get the face right lol. I might make a full body illustration later, but I have commitment issues so who knows how far this’ll go. That is to say, don’t expect any more of this or the other characters unless 1) my brain decides to torment me with more literal demons or 2) I, by some miracle, become a more productive person. Plus, Tumblr’s a new thing for me, and I don’t know what I’m doing with this yet other than posting art and then disappearing for years. Seriously, you have no idea. It’s a wonder that I posted for a second time.

Anyway, the direction of this design is pretty obvious. I went with the lamb/goat motif because I liked the idea of inverted/parallel symbolism. I was toying with a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” concept where they appear to be a lamb in this form but actually shift into a more wolf-like dragon sorta thing when prompted. Their wardrobe is supposed to be an extension of the innocent lamb deception as the ruffles and looseness are meant to be kinda reminiscent of fluff while communicating a sense of privilege (a white untainted by the grit of Hell… something that probably wouldn’t last long). I was also inspired by white goth and catholic goth aesthetics (I blame Ethel Cain) as well as those insanely beautiful ball-jointed dolls. I don’t know if I captured that well (to be honest, the more I look at those digital renditions, the more I hate them). I considered adding a pair of spectacles coz I thought it was cute lol, and because I thought it could be a way for them to try and seem more human.

If I were doing a rewrite (which I have ideas for, but I should probably focus on my actual original characters instead) then:

1. They would be agender and androgynous (I’d go the Good Omens route and make most angels/non-human entities largely genderless as gender is a human construction, one that most angels wouldn’t really concern themselves with)

2. They would be kinda elitist and naive but still sweet

3. Their intentions would not be entirely insincere, but they would not be acting without selfish goals

4. They would be an eldritch abomination

5. There would be possible exploration of their role as an antichrist as well as basically being a tool of war for their papa’s self-gratification

6. Their pops would suck

7. More horror

8. Like, it wouldn’t not be funny…but horror’s my genre so….

9. They would not suck at fighting, but death is traumatizing and so is being the cause of it (squeamish)

10. That being said, could make friends with Death??

And that’s all I feel like writing. Hopefully I update this lol

[pagerspages]

Transgender Imposter Syndrome

Gender update #?

I used the phrase transgender imposter syndrome today. I have another genderqueer friend who I talk to every so often and we’ve been talking about hair lately. I have super thick curly dark hair. The place I used to go to get my haircut closed down last year. I think I used that as an excuse to just stop cutting my hair. I haven’t had a haircut in like 10ish months. Lately I’ve enjoyed the length because it’s more of an androgynous style. You look at me from the shoulders up from behind and I’m not sure you could tell what gender I look like. If I shave everyday I even look a little androgynous from the front although I do still present pretty much all masc out of laziness and survival seeing as the area I’m in isn't real kind to trans folks.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking about how we never had a stylized haircut until later in life. I always just had a buzz cut with the number 3-4 guard on until like 15. I never wore my hair curly until after I graduated high school and had my own money to buy products because my mother couldn’t afford the stuff that was good for my hair and had no idea how to keep curly hair healthy or style it. I’m constantly fighting with my hair. It’s just long enough to get in my eyes at this point and it’s a sensory nightmare. I really want to cut it but everyone tells me it looks really good. I get comments on my hair like 5 times a week from customers at work. I secretly love my curls but they’re so much work and I’m so tired. I’m also worried about looking to masculine if I cut my hair. 

Every so often I’ll slick my hair into a more “feminine” style just to see what it looks like and I don’t know if I’ve ever admitted it to anyone but one of those times I looked into the mirror and saw the girl I could never be. This is where the phrase transgender imposter syndrome comes into play. I don’t think I could ever see myself as anything but at least a little bit of a man. No matter how much I don’t want to be a man or don’t feel like a man I will always see a man when I look into the mirror. I hate that. How can I call myself nonbinary if I see myself that way? I feel like I’m soiling the trans identity.

I know there isn’t a right or wrong way to be trans. I know that your gender identity journey is going to be a lot of ups and downs. I know that it sometimes won’t make sense. I know that everyone's identity is valid. I know all of this I swear. My brain just won’t translate these things to include me into them. I’ll get there someday, maybe soon. ( I pulled this last line from a song called robert’s place by Simon Robert French. You should really go listen to this song. @simonrobertfrench)

[its-just-hyper]

As a trans person, gender swapping characters is always kind of a weird thing to me. But the more I think about it, the more I think it is entirely a case to case issue. Let’s use some characters as examples

Amy Rose

Amy loves to be cute and pretty, and I think he would keep that same aesthetic as a boy. However, I’m of the opinion that he would want to be cute and pretty in a distinctly masculine way. I think he’d wear a white shirt with puffy sleeves and a red pair of overalls (his heels would likely stay, they’re super cute and the vertical lines as well as shoe shape make him look taller) Amy Rose is an example of a character I think would change in appearance quite a bit.

Sonic

Sonic on the other hand.. he cares about physical appearance a lot less and I doubt that would change as a girl. Shes the fastest creature alive, so either she always puts on some mascara for the extra super cool flair, or she rushes out the door, no time to waste! I don’t think her standards for coolness would change all too much between genders, so easy things that don��t need prep or maintenance very often, like quill style and maybe some accessories are all I can think she would pick differently than a boy counterpart.

Shadow

(This is my last Sonic example, I promise) Shadow is interesting because he is an example of a character I think wouldn’t change in the slightest. She would look, act, think, exactly the same. Her identity is such a mystery already, she has more important things to worry about than what her presentation appears. Not to mention that her design is already somewhat androgynous, but regardless of what Shadow looks like I wouldn’t change my answer.

I will admit; there is a flaw in my examples thus far. “The girl cares about her appearance so he wouldn’t be girly as a boy!” “The boy is too cool to care, she would only change a little bit” “Wait, hyper didn’t you JUST say this guy is androgynous? Of course she won’t change as a girl!!!”

Shhhhshshshshh worry not fowl beasts, for I have more examples.

Anya Forger

If not for the attitudes of other children around her age in her source material, I would write this off as just Anya being a child. However she is around countless people who care heavily about appearance, both for safety and preference reasons, so for Anya specifically her age isn’t much more than a grain of salt in this discussion. Anya also cares about her appearance, however I do not think he would change appearance in any way that is of his own volition. Anya wants to get world peace, and to be loved by his parents— but she also wants to spend time with her friend and Bond and wear nice things and eat tasty foods. I think that when found by Twilight in the orphanage, he would look exactly as she does in canon, including his haircut. Things would be changed later, mainly he would of course wear the male uniform, but none of Anya’s choices would do anything to influence his appearance in ways that might have been done differently to his girl counterpart.

Franky Franklin

Franky wants a girlfriend. In her environment, ESPECIALLY as a woman, her appearance would be a heavy target of criticism as to why she can’t get one (even though really, Franky looks fine and it is merely her attitude regarding romance that keeps barring her from dates). This is why I believe Franky would lean heavily on femininity while in public than her man counterpart.

Agent Twilight

This one is here specifically as a counter argument to… the counter argument I posed about Shadow the Hedgehog. Cough. Uh. Twilight, unlike Shadow, is both traditionally masculine in appearance AND heavily concerned with his appearance. However I think she would look and act just about exactly the same were she a woman. She has no name, no face, no identity. If she were the mother of the Forger family it would be the exact same Twilight as Loid underneath. Maybe she would have a different hair style, but I sincerely doubt it. Short hair is the most logical as it allows for easy wig use. I can only imagine her growing out her hair as a shortcut for her disguise as a Forger- though I believe while it is growing out she would still wear a wig day to day.

Long story short, sometimes a gender swapped character changes their appearance from small ways to drastic ways. Sometimes a gender swapped character acts differently for whatever reason there may be. Sometimes a gender swapped character looks or acts exactly the same. The part of gender swapping characters that has irked me all this time is that far more often than not, artists do not take that into consideration at all. It feels disrespectful to the integrity of the character. Not to mention the pitfall trap of gender swapping characters for aesthetic reasons: blatantly sexualizing the feminine characters more than the masculine ones.

Valac Clara is creature. Nothing would change about her if she had a dick. Asmodeus Alice is beautiful and powerful and regal— and his ways of displaying that would be different if he were under different societal pressures. Suzuki Iruma… okay well—

Anyways. It’s like, 2 am on Christmas and Santa’s gonna kick my ass and fuck my mom or something if I don’t go to sleep soon so eepy ever yall, enjoy my ramblings.

Oh and the best way to gender swap literally every single character in Ace Attorney is to make them trans I take no criticism 😌

[6leggedhorse]

Offering choices for Loki

We’ve all at some point or another given a deity an offering. Whether it was our first time or it was the 100th time doing so, either way we’ve done it before. But what do you offer the God of mischief, chaos and fire when he comes into your life? Well today we’re gonna figure it out so grab a cup of your favorite drink, get comfy and let’s figure this out.

Is Loki Picky?

Now when we all begin to work with a deity one of the things we look for is what that specific deity likes in terms of offerings. Some are rather picky and specific while others aren’t picky and are just happy to receive an offering. Rest assured that Loki isn’t picky, they’re pretty chill when it comes down to offerings.

So What CanI Give Loki?

For example, while I was in Primm, NV on my way back from Las Vegas, I got him a slot machine that is also a pencil sharpener. While on my way to Las Vegas as my boyfriend and I were in Barstow, CA I got Loki a California themed shot glass. I’ve also given him candy, (currently he has a Butterfinger, Naby Ruth, and 100 Grand) he also has crystals, some tiny sea shells I found at San Pedro, a shark tooth and I even made him a pipe cleaner flower. I also utilize my current job working with kids as an offering as well as Loki loves being around children, especially those who’re going through tough times. But if you really want to be specific with him, here are a few ideas on what to give him offering wise:

-🍺 Alcohol: beer, whiskey, the hard stuff if you will Loki has been known to enjoy alcoholic beverages. A great example would be to get those tiny shot bottles of Fire Ball or Jack Daniel’s and give them to him as an offering. You can even pour him a shot!

-🍭 Sweets: Candy, cake, donuts, chocolate, ice cream etc Loki LOVES sweet treats just as much as we do! A good example would be to give him some candy or set aside a desert plate of cake during a celebration and involving him in that sense is a pretty chill and easy way to give him an offering. HOWEVER do not let the food sit there for too long either as this may attract insects and food does good bad eventually so remember to throw it out or go outside and place the offering (AS LONG AS it doesn’t harm the local wildlife and is organic and biodegradable). If you can’t leave food out at all that’s un wrapped or just out in the open, offer Loki to enjoy the food or drink offering by enjoying it through you. Or if you have wrapped candy that has kinda sat there for a but on your altar, you can eat those too (I usually wait till Loki’s done with it, I feel it out and get the feeling of when they tell me “Okay I’m good and done with it you can have it now =D.”

-📿 Trinkets:Loki loves themselves a good trinket! Whether it’s a crystal, fossil or a lego figure he loves his trinkets! Bonus points if you get him something that is meaningful to him like buying him a snake toy or a wolf figurine.

-👩🏻‍💼 Works of Service: it makes Loki incredibly happy to see that his followers work with children, mentally ill folks, volunteer work (Ex. Soup kitchens, donations, animal shelters, non-profit organizations, social work etc). And as a social work major as well as now an intern at DPSS, it helps having more options for offerings to him and bonus bonus points for also selecting a career that involves working with children and families that are struggling to function or when someone is in trouble and need help. (Low key I’m a turbo nerd for Social Work, I was so excited at orientation on Thursday!)

-👃🏼Incense: Only do this if you’re able to, but Loki loves incense! Dragon’s blood, cinnamon, and wine/whiskey work best as they’re perfect for the androgynous trait for Loki; let’s not forget he’s a shapeshifter too. So when considering a scent to offer him, try to stay androgynous and try not to stick to one side of the gender spectrum.

Epilogue

Sorry for the late post guys, this week has yet again kicked my ass really hard. These next 9 months are going to be grueling as I will have school, internship, work and family boyfriend to juggle. Everyday I will be doing something unless told otherwise. I start school soon, which I’m excited for as I enjoy my school and they have plenty to do to keep me busy I’ll still have time to post! Just gotta find a block of time to yeet it in though. Anyways what do you offer to Loki? Any ideas would be helpful to those who are new or just want to keep things fresh! Please repost, like and comment to spread this around!

Interested in communicating with other followers of Loki? Join the sub Reddit r/lokean this subreddit also as plenty of resources to help you start your journey with Loki as well as communicating with other Lokeans!

Click the link if you’re interested! https://www.reddit.com/r/lokean/s/N09D5wOaOI

If the link doesn’t work, search up r/lokean in Reddit. Its profile picture is of Fenrir!

References

[linnetagain]

List of random Season/skating/Bloodweave thoughts that I don’t know justify their own asks but that I thought you might like to hear anyway:

Chapter 1, Karlach asking Astarion about pay: “Vroomvroom: so you’ll suddenly do a really shit job in week 5 then? :P” YOU CHEEKY LITTLE BUGGER, YOU (I love it, A+ foreshadowing)

I stumbled across Ryan Dunk’s “Freddy Mercury on Ice” skate, and his butt was weirdly distracting. I’m very aspec, is this what the allosexuals mean when they say a pair of jeans makes their butt look good? Why do I keep looking at his butt, shut up and let me watch the skate

The “middle finger” skate Astarion did while Gale was in the hospital was to Looking at Me by Sabrina Carpenter, right? I’m basing this on its order in my mega playlist, I can never remember what chapter things happen in and I do not have TIME to reread the whole thing again, no matter how enjoyable it would be. Anyway. I finally listened to Looking at Me yesterday, and then listened to it another 37 times. Holy cha-cha music, I was not expecting the mariachi trumpet sound. So sassy, I love it. (I did ballroom for about a year and half in high school, back in yonder years of 2011-2012. I was on the standard team, but sometimes I still get beat over the head with the urge to Do Something Latin by certain pop songs). But, more to the point, I LOVE the lyrics for this story moment. For all Amy’s strategizing about song choice and how they need to handle the narrative with Gale’s hospitalization, I think Astarion freaking nailed it—you think they’re looking at (Gale)? They’re looking at me. Media tries to make a big deal about Gale’s collapse, or Astarion’s response, or the fact that he’s showing up to Hessie’s school, or any potential leaked footage of the Mystra Kerfuffle backstage, or anything Cazador tries, or ANYTHING—Astarion draws their gaze instead, whether they want it or not (just look for the broken necks). I can’t remember the exact names of the maneuvers you can pick when you level up a fighter in-game, but there’s one that will force nearby enemies to attack you instead of your allies. That’s what this reminds me of.

Cool factoid about me: I got to go on a field trip in 1st grade to a nearby ice rink during the lead up to the 2002 Olympics, and we got to watch a skating pair rehearse their routines. After some research, I THINK it was the French ice dancing team, Gwendol Peizerat and Marina Anissina, who won gold in one of their events. The routine I got to watch was probably one of these! Honestly, the thing I remember most is the dude’s luxurious hair XD

Heads up: I am going to attempt to draw Gale & Astarion in contrasting skating costumes, drawing from male/female costumes, but making both of them gender non-conforming/androgynous. Gonna try and give Gale his long skirt. I’ll report back.

Imagine, if you will, all of Gale’s official music videos going forward incorporating dance/skating choreography from Astarion. I remember a gazillion years ago, when Lindsey Stirling was on a “dancing with the stars” type webshow where all the stars were YouTubers, her music videos going forward all credited her pro dance partner as the paid choreographer. Ice skate music videos. Piano on the ice rink. Gale singing (lip-syncing?) while skating. Outdoor skating on location. Maybe Gale skates with him, maybe it’s just Astarion, maybe it’s just Gale! Who knows. Ice skate music videos.

I have had this vivid image for… weeks, honestly, I can’t remember which chapter of my first read-through triggered this, of their final skate being some kind of dope mashup of Golden and Always You, with Astarion’s back and arms and Gale’s chest exposed, with gold body paint highlighting each of their scars. Because kintsugi. I figure Astarion would be the one to design and make/customize the costumes, cuz I do not trust Volo even in the slightest with something like that. Maybe it would pair with Cazador being publicly denounced and/or arrested, like a “do these look like they came from a fall to you??” I don’t know. Maybe there’d be a secret third song that Gale has yet to write that the other two would morph into, something triumphant to resolve the story of the skate/the songs, where Golden is kind of hindsight bittersweet and Always You is a pining song.

Ugh. I wish I had filk powers and could make Gale’s songs real. YO, FAN COMPOSERS/FILK MUSICIANS, I HAVE A PROJECT FOR YOU GIFT-WRAPPED AND READY TO GO—

By any chance, do you have video examples of the particular moves that the boys use in their skates? Both Astarion’s TikToks and their competition pieces. For reasons. No, shush, no guessing.

I found some really cool skating vids to share, but my YouTube is being a BUTT so perhaps that shall be a separate ask. Welp.

HEHEHEHE

Ice skater's glutes are INSANE. I know in canon Astarion has a itty bitty tush, but in season that man is CAKED.

Yes it was Looking at Me!! I have so much fun choosing the songs

Gale is absolutely still working on that song he's been writing about Astarion and it's about to get a whole new angle (so, less sad and pine-y) and I love to imagine Astarion in the music video or choreographing it, haha!

I do have examples of specific moves but depressingly few of them have names - would you be interested in me linking the YouTube videos with the timestamps? Would that be useful?

I'm sorry I haven't responded to the rest of your points but it was either YES, GOOD, YES or I CAN'T ANSWER THAT WITHOUT SPOILERS so I hope you'll forgive me. Thank you so much for your enthusiasm it's so appreciated ily 💕💕

[barbedwirechain]

hi!!! I've been questioning some uncertainty in my identity and you were the first person on t I saw when I looked into the "butch fag" tag, I'm really curious about what it means to be butch and on testosterone, or being butch and navigating the world passing almost as a cis man? for lack of better terminology, sorry if it's not right.

I've been out as trans since I was a kid (almost 22 now.) and I've always went back and forth on my identity bc I don't relate with other trans men or cis men in general but I knew transitioning was what's right for me. detransition doesn't feel correct at all, I'm so happy being on testosterone. im uncertain in my sexuality but have always found comfort with lesbians and butches, and I've always felt the explanation of butch dysphoria sounded more clear to me than wanting to wake up with the body of a cis man. what I mean is I think I'm a butch fag but I don't know what that means, I don't know how or if I'm ready to come out with that. I'm afraid of my future with dating or navigating queer spaces if I claim to be butch or lesbian aligned while still presenting full beard and no desire to change that.

I don't know how to navigate exploring this at all, especially because lesbian spaces online kind of scare me since its so easy to end up following terfs if you don't know what to look for. I don't want to be harassed or make anyone else uncomfortable with my presence. I want to connect with other butches on T. do you know of anything I could do to reach this kind of understanding?

i’ll say if you already see uh butch fag in yourself or find whatever it is in me, in you you’ve already started to reach that understanding. exploring online spaces where you have unprecedented access to people with these more “complicated” identities (more accurately—identities that are generally less referenced than others or not recognized outside of the community for better and for worse) and hanging out in adult oriented city spaces helped extend my understanding of myself as butch.

the longer i understand myself as trans the more i’m comfortable frankensteining my identity (for uh lack of uh better term). i say this to explain why i call myself the most appropriate word for me “dykefag” but butch fag… or faggot butch (on T or not) has uh community precedent. there’s articles and quotes of people saying that term or uh form of it and they’re also transsexual and/or lesbian, although this was something i found only after seeing myself in the phrase.

i understood myself as uh dyke for most of my life and uh lesbian as the most neat version of my sexuality; dyke is something i’ve reclaimed being called that as uh child and call/ed myself that for over ten years now (aside from uh brief period of bisexuality). after being on T though for almost two years i noticed people are less likely to see me as uh dyke so that word begins to feel more personal and intimate for me. but butch?

butch is always exactly right. its not something i reclaimed or have complicated relationship to, i just am.

i am and i mean it with no irony or “meh”-ness; i am butch and i think i’ll die butch.

uh good two years after beginning to call myself butch and right after starting T I leaned into my lifelong attraction to butches, already holding an interest in “‘queer’ masculinities” via research in college. eventually i realized i wanted to be that. i wanted to be masculine ina way that never didnt hold uh layer of unspoken queerness. even in my current “mostly cis-man passing” form (i don’t take it as an insult, i present more masculine than androgynous like i used to for comfort and safety) i’m always butch. most people assume ima cis gay man or uh very hairy bulldyke and at some point i was like… these lines are so easily blurred because of how i decide to embody butchness, on purpose, and (what’s read as) faggotry through my attraction to other butch and queer masc people. i experienced the difference between dyke and fag fade away and began to tag my shit with dyke fag and butch fag to be in the same spaces as other gay trans people who had this line also fade away.

maintaining my attachment to being butch and loving butchness led me to follow “butch4butch” pages and explore butch4butch tags and see myself as a butch4butch gay more and more solidly. and the more i searched for butch4butch, the more i came across trans fags and nonbinary butch lesbians (and both!!). similar to going on tumblr in 2011 and finding out there were people who didn’t believe in the christian god, lex and tumblr specifically led me to uh set of trans people who embodied this faggot butchness, whether dyke (lesbian) or faggot (gay boy) identifying— not to mention all the gay boy dykes and the fagboy trannies. i found/find myself relating to their appreciation of masculinity and consideration of transness and gender noncomformity more than any other space, including ones that are for lesbians which, in my honest opinion, always end up catering to terf-bubbles or narcissist echo chambers that define themselves through gender essentialist ideas about masculinity/men of which i no longer see any viability in.

inside, exploring tags online or apps for Gay people who do Gay shit and have Sexy and Fucked up understandings of gender can help you understand yourself further by identifying and also dis-identifying with others without having to “conflict”. outside?… i rarely explain what i am. and for better or worse, i don’t try to. i let people think i’m whatever they think unless someone directly asks or when cis men try to approach me and to conceal my agab and also deny them i kinda just straight up lie and play cishet man. i recognize we exist under 20 million ___ or ___ binaries, both imaginary and tangible, new and old, outside and inside—shit even nonbinary and binary began to feel like another binary to me recently and the only thing that alleviates that is 1) going through butch(4butch) tags and seeing cis, trans, and who knows butches loving each other in coexisting without pretending they’re at war and 2) being in community with other dykesfags, or fagdykes, and butch faggots irl. and like, lesbians in person are also jus way more awesome. *whispers* like most people. i understand this is, unfortunately, only as easy as your access, space, transportation, and work and personal life allows. most of my adult queer experience is in non-sober spaces ina city that i lived around or in and that can't be disregarded or forgotten.

to wrap this up, i didnt look for em (us haha) til i felt i was one of them but We’re Everywhere. not uh majority but uh presence, and that’s enough. and if i’m being honest even if i never found any of these people, i felt so intensely about being uh butch faggot and uh dykefag i saw myself simply going with it—but going with it with the knowledge that it’s near impossible to make anything up at this point. someone has almost surely shared the idea or identity regardless of if they publicized it or let it be archived. and even as much of this response IS about that, i can’t overemphasize that even if it’s something you did made up, all alone, 200% you, the feeling is true, yea? the beauty of frankensteining your [trans] identity is seeing that you can kinda be whatever the shit you feel as long as it’s truly comfortable and honest to the time with reasonable respect to yourself and your community.

[catgirlforeskin]

The "egg" again.

I assume that my old ask (insecure anon) is buried forever, so I may as well restate it here.

Thank you, being a girl is cool, but it feels like lying. Girls love having boobs, and I don't want anything bigger than AAA, if anything at all. Some girls even want SRS, though you are different*. And girls don't say shit I said. I know that not everyone knows since age 5, but living until 17.5 years without feeling different is beyond pale. Like I felt different from other boys, and since at least 14 I considered myself more feminine than them (de facto I was always more feminine, but I didn't think that it was a good thing), but, as I said, I was completely fine making "relatable" memes about boyhood. I did like to consider myself more of a girl, especially when doing quizzes, but still.

(*Side note, but I went on r/MtF, and it feels like some girls straight up consider those without bottom dysphoria just crossdressers, they don't say it, but my feminine intuition tells me this. I guess it's only tumblr that celebrates girlcock)

So saying "Surprise, I am a girl now!" feels like lying. And I don't want to be a liar.

Saying that I am nonbinary also feels like just wanting to be special. I don't believe that someone can be raised in the West and not think that androgyne is a superior form of human being. So it sounds like "I am not just a boy, I am more special. Don't look that I don't socially transition, I am not a boy, trust me".

The label that I fancy somewhat is eunuch, because it doesn't make me sound like an attention seeker, but there are real eunuchs, and they are different, so it's not very chivalrous of me.

So yes, I am just sitting here, no idea who am I, no social transition, does it even matter?

17.5 is honestly an early age to realize for trans women. I personally know women who didn’t realize until their mid-20s or 30s, and there’s lots of trans people who realize at every stage of life.

Reddit trans women, especially ones who post on the big trans subreddits, generally are assimilationists and hate everyone who don’t want to assimilate like them. They’re cowardly idiots and I don’t care about any bad things that happen to them.

You keep going “well real women don’t do or want X Y and Z and I do so clearly I’m not a real woman” when like. Those things also apply to a majority of women. The enforced cishet standards of womanhood fucking suck and most women chafe against at least parts of them.

Theres plenty of women who like having small or no breasts and plenty of women who didn’t realize until late in life and all this other shit, and saying “well obviously I’m not a woman if I’m like that” is just kinda stupid.

Honestly it’s part of why I don’t hang out around a lot of recently cracked girls because they’re often so mired in that “I’m not a real girl because X” dysphoria shit when like. Half the people around them still have the trait they’re complaining about. Idk it’s just like, take your damn girl pills and shut up lol, have some lesbian sex and get over it

[kohyuuu]

🎧🐢🤠❤️ (LAST PART !!)

once in a lifetime (pt. 4)

elias and scarlett poly study date scenario part 4 started: april 21st, 2025 finished: at midnight lol notes: VISUALS FROM GACHA CLUB!!!!! + lots of dialogue x

(androgynous reader)

(since it played the feels by twice on scarlett's speaker for the last part, i just HAD to include this song for part 4 so imagine this is the song that plays next while the story happens <3)

(also i freaking love this song from fromis_9 STAN THEM)

♥ —————————————

“y/n, i’m gonna go talk to scar real quick. we’ll be back!”

elias signed scarlett to come with him. he shut the door so you wouldn’t hear anything. you shrugged it off and continued watching the tiktoks scarlett had sent in the group chat. but.. you couldn’t really focus much. 

you shut off your phone to just.. think about things. elias and scarlett were always on your mind now. being close to them gave you goosebumps, made your cheeks hot.

you didn’t know why you felt like this towards them at first. but as time past, eventually up to that study date invitation, you came to the conclusion that it was love. 

you didn’t know how to express it either as you’ve also never been in a relationship, but you didn’t want your feelings to get in the way of your friendship with the three of you.

behind the door, elias and scarlett were trying to devise a plan to confess to you. it started.. and ended with the “just tell them straight up” idea, but elias didn’t know how that would go initially.

————————————— ♥

“why don’t we just tell y/n we like them??”

“we can’t just do that, scar! we.. we uh-“

“you don’t have any ideas, don’t you? right eli..? 😒”

“no- i do, it’s just— fuck it, you’re right. we’ll just go with that then. i think it’s best that we’re honest about our feelings towards them, but i just thought it’d be more fun to be.. a little subtle about it??”

“no, i get it. we should probably ask them if they’re fine with.. the idea of polyamory, right? or maybe y/n had that in mind already.”

“yeah, that’s a good point. but when do you think we should tell them??”

“i don’t fucking know. 😭”

“what am i gonna do with you, scar. sigh.”

“what do you think of a movie? we can just watch a cheesy rom-com and pause it to tell y/n how we feel.”

“i guess we can do that… dunno what movie we can watch though.”

“made of honor?”

“i was thinking of the notebook…”

“ELIAS THAT’S NOT A ROM-COM.”

“UHM, YES IT IS!! fine. you win.”

♥ —————————————

elias and scarlett enter the room again, trying to act like nothing happened (as of you didn’t hear their silly argument muffled by the door)

“uhh, y/n! why don’t we all watch a movie for the rest of the day? i think scar’s getting tired over here.” elias said, as scarlett laid her head on his shoulder, yawning on cue.

you nodded, not wanting to do any of your own work at the moment. hopefully you won’t fall asleep on somebody’s shoulder during the movie ;) *wink wink !* (also that wasnt supposed to imply anything sexual i swear guys)

scarlett grabs the remote from her nightstand and puts on made of honor, a cheesy rom-com from 2008. you made the space on the carpet floor comfortable for the three of you by using scarlett’s pillows and blankets. 

you were in between her and elias. by the looks on their faces, they were blushing hard. they refused to look at you. you giggled, grabbing their chins and turning their heads to face the tv screen with both hands.

as the movie played, the three of you couldn’t help but laugh and find certain scenes from the movie funny. it did get to a point where the three of you got tired, though.

but no! elias was NOT gonna let this chance go to waste! half way through the movie, he took his eyes off the screen and turned to face scarlett, nodding his head and signaling to her that it was time to finally be honest with you.

scarlett grabs the remote and pauses the movie. groans of disappointment came out of your mouth as she did so.

♥ —————————————

(this is the part yall have been waiting for)

“scarrrrr why’d you pause itttt 😭” -you

“well, we have something we’ve been.. meaning to tell you. uh- it’s pretty important.” scarlett said, looking at elias and waiting for him to elaborate on what she said

elias looked at her, before looking down at his fingers and fidgeting with them.

“..it’s been some time since me and scar became friends with you, and.. everytime when we’re near you, we feel… fuck- how do i put this..”

“we… we feel warm when we’re near you, it’s like we don’t wanna leave your side.” elias finished, pausing a bit between his words.

“really?” -you

“yeah.. and.. we’ve never experienced these feelings before. me personally, i couldn’t even talk to you properly because i was just a blushing mess!” elias said, chuckling awkwardly to avoid embarrassment.

“oh my god eli, you can’t even explain it- look, what we’re trying to say is that we like you. i’m gonna be honest here, we’ve both been crushing on you for a while now, and.. we didn’t really know how to… uh- explain it??”

————————————— ♥

elias and scarlett’s hearts were beating so fast, it felt like they were about to explode. they were scared that you were going to react differently, and they hoped it wasn't rejection.

you on the other hand, couldn’t believe your ears. you felt the same way for as long as they did, but you never thought they’d be the ones to confess. you were afraid that you’d have to bottle up your feelings forever.

“i.. i don’t know what to say.” you said, finally responding to them after a bit of thinking. elias and scarlett began to look worried, worried that you might turn down their feelings, their LOVE for you.

you felt yourself stuttering a bit at the start of your sentence, but you carried through with the rest of it.

“i-i love you guys too, i didn’t think you two would be the ones to ask me, though.” you said, looking down at your lap.

”wh- really? does that mean… we’re-“

you interrupted scarlett by nodding and saying yes, reciprocating their feelings for you. 

“c-can we kiss you?” elias chimed in, also stuttering a bit. he felt reluctant to even request something like that, fearing you wouldn’t be comfortable with the idea.

you nodded again, before feeling elias wrap his arms around you, hugging you tight as he and scarlett kissed your cheeks.

scarlett laid her head on your shoulder right after. to her and elias, it felt like they’ve finally accomplished something, something so important to both of them. it was the beginning of a new relationship. <3

♥ —————————————

a/n: hope you guys enjoyed this!! this was also the last part of the series, and ill probably write something based on the things that happened after story. i feel like i haven't been including my boy finley in a lot of things, so ill try to include him in whatever's coming up. xx

» last part..

[samuraionyourmom]

I had a burst of inspiration last night and wanted to make a design for Android Dazai. However, the anatomy would NOT cooperate with me, so I used a base from Pinterest as a jumping off point. I hope that it’s acceptable! mellon_soup on Instagram, TikTok, Tumblr, and Patreon, thank you so much for your wonderful base. I know it says it doesn’t need credit, but since it is so very heavily referenced, I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t credit it.. A bit of a warning for slight nudity, but it’s only to show how his body looks. He doesn’t even have anything down there, but I covered it anyway since Tumblr can be weird about it.

Here is the link to the fic attached to this wonderful little guy if you're just now coming across this and have no idea where he's from:

Define: Humanity

Anyway, here is The Boy

A couple of notes:

He’s based off of a ball jointed doll. I have a couple of reasons for this, but my main reason is I feel like Mori, who built Dazai in the first place, seems to be interested in lolita fashion (just look at Elise's dresses). Which also happens to have a lot of crossover with ball jointed dolls, as many of the dolls are dressed in this way. So, I imagine Mori had this style of doll in mind when designing Dazai. Not for any creepy or weird reason other than having an interest in the fashion and such. I don't know how well that concept would translate to a human sized android, but I also really like the look of those dolls, so to heck with it! Suspension of disbelief!

The little lines across his body where his “cover plates” meet up, which can be lifted up to reveal the complex circuitry underneath. Another fun fact: those cover plates are squishy! They’re meant to mimic human skin as much as possible, so they have a slightly squishy texture, as well as some kind of heating function under them to 1) make sure the Important Stuff under it doesn’t freeze in the winter and 2) make the little android boy feel warm like a person. It’s still not quite right, though, and if you feel it, it’s obvious it's not really skin.

He has a little power button design in his eye. I don’t have any reason for this other than I thought it was cute. Don’t press on his eye, though. It does not power him off. Leave that little guy alone and stop poking him in the eye.

As I mentioned, he doesn’t have anything between his legs. It’s like a ken doll. If you’re a fan of transzai, you could imagine that Mori initially designed him as a female android, but once Dazai was conscious, he was like Nah. I’m a boy. Fix this nonsense. And then Mori gave him a more androgynous body instead of the feminine one he had in mind. I won't say that this is the definite canon for the story, but it is an idea, and I fully encourage it!

I prefer the redesigns for the age 15 figures of Dazai and Chuuya, so our little android boy wears this:

I just think he looks so stylish!! But you can picture him in the regular 15 outfit if you prefer that one.

Anyway, that’s all I have to mention for this. There is the He. One of the boys of all time. I hope you like him as much as I do.

Also here is the original base I used:

[chevelleneech]

I’m circling back to say I’m also happy Felix’s queer fans, particularly his non-binary and androgynous fans get to be into a Kpop artist who can no longer be shoved into the, “Wait until he says the words!” closet. It’s out there now, and no matter how other people feel about him, these fans can and have been encouraged by him to discuss his androgyny and unisex clothing choices.

I also want to say it sucks that so many people also have picked up on his androgyny for years, seeing as he has said before he enjoys wearing women’s clothing because they look good on him and allows him to express himself more, yet were harassed into not speaking on it, only for it to have been things he was genuinely feeling.

Which I’ve spoken on numerous times. Fans think they’re defending and protecting their faves, yet are not realizing just how upsetting it can be to read someone say its weird and disrespectful to speculate on their identity involving queerness in someway, just because they didn’t put it in a headline first.

Now, I’m not saying Felix is on the path to coming as anything, because who knows, right? But he also isn’t beholden to the same expectation as his fellow group members aside from Chan, so it’s possible he simply has more freedom to discuss certain topics. The same freedom some male idols seem to feel more comfortable in once they’ve completed their military service. So there are many complexities to the topic, main one being, Felix doesn’t have to be attracted to men to be androgynous. It’s just the matter of him likely being, given he’s also already said he has a type in guys and girls.

Point is, I applaud Felix greatly. I think he’s taking a big step in being in a popular idol group and stating he is intentionally presenting himself in a unisex fashion. He wants to look like whichever gender someone assumes him to be, both in the things he wears as well as with his body. He doesn’t think he’s manly, and to him short hair is less fun to have. So no matter how inconsequential some people may feel his words are, they are important.

Especially because idol fans have it in their heads that femininity and androgyny are wholly accepted in South Korea, refusing to listen to anyone who tells them it’s not. They ignore how many male idols leave the androgynous style behind as they get older. They even ignore how many female idols essentially come out and then backtrack or who have “masculine” clothing preferences, claiming these women are just tomboys or whatever the new term is, and that her crush on another girl was a friendship crush or jealousy.

Idols do not have it easy and cannot come out just because they feel like it, just because their industry capitalizes off of skinships and encourage men to lean into a prettier aesthetic. They do it, because sex sells. Yes, it’s a different sort of seduction, but it still sells. Which is why idols still to this day are looked at sideways if not flat out hated for being queer. It’s why fans are still able to claim any of them writing songs about queer sex, is them writing songs for their fans or from an outside perspective.

The majority of Kpop fans do not want their favorite idols to be queer, as it pops the bubbles they’ve built up in their heads. Even the ones where their fave is queer until they somehow meet them and become straight again.

That’s why Felix saying in clear words he doesn’t think of himself as manly and is striving for an androgynous/unisex look, is good. It doesn’t mean people can state for him he is non-binary, nor does it mean anyone should start assuming his pronouns (not that I’ve seen anyone do that), but it does mean his non-binary fans get to celebrate this win of sorts. They get to experience this new (to us at least) version of Felix who they can refer to in softer terms without anyone coming at them for “babying” or “feminizing” him, given his androgyny appears to lean more feminine than masculine.

Anyway, I’m dragging on, but I hope what I’m saying is coming across well. I make my jokes about my faves and analyze things until I’m blue in the face even if I don’t always post it here, but still. I think real people taking real steps to be comfortable in their skin, is a huge deal. Particularly when these people are famous or surrounded by (in Felix’s case, adored by) people who either pretend to love unconditionally or who are upfront with their bigotry and expect everyone to conform in the end.

[moonfurthetemmie]

i don't wanna be that person but will anything changes ( or small changes ) if the h!ds was genderbent?

Would some characters be more or less violent?? (I mostly wonder how would Hunter ( and with Byte and Orange relationship ) be like...)

Anon you’ve given me an excuse to be even more gay about everyone so I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and genderbent everyone

Well. Almost everyone. I’m not entirely sure how I would’ve genderbent Rahni, since they’re agender and rather androgynous. What’s the opposite of agender? Pangender?? I’m not into gender or bending I don’t know how this works beyond binary genders and presentations

But anyways, to actually answer your question:

Nothings really different. They just have different genders. And some are less “suddenly snappy” once a month, whereas others ARE now “oddly moody” once a month. That might have some bearing on how often some of them do fucked up things, but not much. And honestly all the ones who gets a little extra murderous on their period are so valid

Probably the biggest difference between relationships, is that once in a while Hunter would get extra touchy and cuddly, and that made Byte want Out even more. Regardless of the reason behind it, he was very clear that he didn’t like touching, and Hunter never listened.

I’m hiding all the heroforge things and the little notes under the cut, so this doesn’t take up too much space

- Fester, being a demon in a 15 year old’s body, didn’t get much of a change at all.

- The first person who calls Pulaski a milf wins me $5 (not ‘owes,’ wins.)

- sparrow’s hair. Gave me problems,,,but she looks nice.

- why the fuck does slash look like a twink now. I actually gave a little MORE muscle for the illusion of simply Different Toning but he looks like a twink what the fuck

- ALSO Slash has a torn ear. She’s got one in her normal ref, too. I see we all collectively forgot about that NSJSHSH

- 💞✨Spindle✨💞

- OH Delusion’s hair is actually for realsies like that now. Normally I use that style becuase none of the actually short styles look right for DS Dream, and Boy Delusion is supposed to have hair much closer to normal DS Dream. But now it’s actually THAT style

- You may also note that Delusion’s had the most change. This is because I wanted to give her heels, and I was sure she wouldn’t be stupid enough to wear heels in a fucking fight. It’s for in the office.

[ghosttotheparty]

another vent bc the universe is testing me lately (cw disordered eating and just general negativity bc i’m going through it)

i am so anxious!!! i’ve been taking my meds!!! but my third year starts this month and idk wtf i’m doing w my life!!

why am i studying art i don’t even have a consistent art style; but i don’t have ANYTHING else i could possible do

my gender is going bonkers and i wanna kinda transition but i just want to be more androgynous but idk how i could do that and i’m not even out to my parents and idk if i ever will be bc my dad is Not an ally to trans ppl but i love him so much and he loves me so much but idk if he’d still love me the same if i came out to him

there’s drama in my friend group and two of my close friends aren’t friends anymore and it’s been a while coming but it still sucks and idk what to do bc i love them both sm but i am so on one side bc the other is so in the wrong but idk how to tell her without her getting mad

i still haven’t made an appt to see the surgeon ab my cyst and im so anxious ab it bc i hate medical things and it’s been making my arm sore (which happens when i think ab needles usually but it hasn’t happened in a while and i hate the sensation so much it’s so fucking scary)

my psychiatrist hasn’t responded to me email bc a prescription bc i’m almost out of one of the pills i take and im stressed

i think i’ve gained weight and i’m trying so hard to not be upset and to be neutral ab my body and how i look but my new apartment has a full size mirror and i can’t help but analyze myself in it; i changed my outfit three times today bc i hated how i looked in two different pairs of pants (one of them i wear fairly often and now i never want to wear them again even though they’re so comfy i hated how they looked today)

i’m trying to eat consistently but all of the above with my anxiety is fucking up my appetite and i do not want to go through all of this again i was doing so well this summer

i’ve been so spacey and i do not feel real lately but everything just feels so heavy and i am so fucking tired

and usually when i feel particularly Heavy i just watch community or buzzfeed unsolved or a documentary or something while i write or draw so i’m preoccupied and thinking ab too many things to think ab what’s upsetting me but laptop kicked it (getting a new one this weekend 🎊) and my tv is frozen and won’t even turn off (it faces my bed and is quite bright i might have to cover it w a blanket; which makes me anxious bc it feels like a fire risk) (also i’m gonna have to go to reception tomorrow and tell them and i don’t want to be my social anxiety has been going ham lately and i’m just UGH)

anyway i am very tired and i cannot wait to go home this weekend and see my parents and my dog (i have a dentist appt and i’m trying not to think about it) and i just want to go to sleep