#they’re constantly on my noggin | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wizardrousactivity · 9 months ago

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Feel better now?

Warnings: Angst, mating press, mentions of self-harm, mentions of relapsing, Fem!reader

Pairings: König x fem!Reader

Note: I am not very proud of this one because of my STUPID WRITING!!! but I did end up spending 2-3 hours on this so I’m hoping some people would enjoy it. Mwah love you all 2.3k words!

König felt his chest shrivel up once he saw your pouty lips and half-teary eyes, watching you storm out of the room while he was stumped.

Thinking of ways to apologize to his sweet girl flooded his noggin and he threw his hands out and fell back into his chair almost comically, grumbling and getting back to his paperwork while he tried to push away any other thoughts besides the box of his work. You shoved yourself into the bathroom, rubbing your hands all over your face to try to stop the tears that were making your face feel icky. Thrashing around to find your towel, the water running loudly in the background - the sounds couldn’t compare to how loud your thoughts were.

The shower felt harder that day, the water burning the red lines you inflicted on yourself yesterday.

You sat down on the wet floor, head in your palms as you sobbed, the tears falling from your face entwined with the water and vanished along with it. On your knees you grabbed the shampoo - cleaning yourself should never feel this difficult, you’ve grown soft.

Standing up, your body immediately planting itself onto the wall as your knees buckled. Nibbled lips, fingers clasped your mouth. Trying to suppress your gasps and whines. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’ve managed to do your hair and apply lotion to your body, since you’ve fixed yourself - you find that you’re capable enough to make dinner, putting on clothes you just washed, they’re warm and make you feel a bit better. The harm is visible, and you try to forget about it. Too drained to change into other clothes that hide your pink and white scars, busy prodding at your pajama shorts to make them just a little longer, even if it wont make a difference.

Leaving the bathroom you walk into the hallway hoping to see König doing paperwork in his office, or holding out his arms for you. Instead what's in front of you is a closed door, making the air catch in your throat.

The descend down the stairs feels melancholy, you feel as if your brain is off, walking only as if you’re a zombie dedicated to pleasing others. You want to make him happy, make him forget about your previous interaction with the blessing of food.

This week felt like the final straw, constantly trying to please people at your job - you’ve been trying so hard. Nobody was there for you, König looked at you with a face of anger, eyes narrowing yours. Going on about how he has helped you while you try to squeak out your words, and he yelled at you. Piercing and loud, making you tremble as you looked up at him like he had betrayed you. He screamed at himself in his head, scolding himself for lashing out on you. Years of aggression had changed him truly, down to his entire system - he doesn’t know how to respond now.

As soon as your hands touch the stove, you begin shaking, tears running down your face. You couldn’t find the energy in yourself to cook and it made you feel all the more disappointed in yourself, the walls of discipline you’ve built come crashing down.

Nails snuggled firmly into your arms as you sink down onto the floor, hyperventilating in frustration.

You cry into your skin for the umpteenth time, biting into your flesh so the man upstairs doesn’t hear you. Nothing has ever made you feel so useless, and you can't get over that.

A heavy hand on your shoulder makes you jump, interrupting your thoughts. You turn your back slowly, only to see the kindest pair of sleepy eyes looking back at your manic ones. Your eyelids shut tight, hands finding his shirt and pulling him in. “M’ so sorry..” It’s muffled into his shoulder and he pats your back, hands resting at your hips. He shushes you gently, eyes scanning over the numerous scars on your legs that looked almost too fresh - and he swore his heart paused for a second. König punches himself in the head mentally once again, biting his lip. “Not your fault..I shouldn’t have yelled. Shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you.”

Your face digs itself into the small dip between his neck and shoulder, sobbing even harder - gasping for air between them. And he feels like a monster at this point.. “I’m sorry, mein Liebling, don’t waste all your tears on me.” König brings you in even closer, landing sloppy kisses to your forehead and cheeks. "I was wrong, never cry for me like that." He says, reassuring you in a stronger voice, yet it remains soft. König mumbles something under his breath, like he cursed himself forever, never to let you cry over something he failed to do - control his emotions around you.

You grab onto his jaw with need, locking lips with him in vast movements, and he lets it happen. Letting your tongue win the fight for dominance, hand gently resting at the back of your skull, the salty tang of your lips stimulating his organ of taste. But he couldn't care less.

Hums vibrate into your mouth pleasantly, he taps your back to let you know when he needs to breathe.

The kiss is broken after only his lungs start to burn for air, you’re still hungry for more of it. His breathing is heavy as he claws at the soft skin under your shirt, massaging your lower back and pulling you even closer to his warmth, pleasantly surprised at your actions. “Need more-” You hiccupped, mouth-agape with feeble sounds. “Please.”

“More of what? Tell me.”

“Want more of you- Need you.” You confess, and his heart cinches from its beat. Almost seizes to continue at the sight.

He simply nods, picking you up by your waist and putting you up against him - not where you're flat against his chest, holstered up enough so he can kiss your tummy, electrifying butterflies filling your abdomen. König plops you down on the bed, as gentle as he can possibly be - you look like glass to him right now as your legs hang off the side of the bed, you're sitting on the edge of it as he lowers himself.

He’s right in front of you, crouched. He’s kissing your thighs all over, strings of apologies you can’t hear when he runs along one of your scars. “Can I please.. I want to show you how sorry I am.” You know what he’s implying when his eyes drift down to your pussy, clothed but getting absolutely drenched underneath.

“Yes.. please.” A simple sniffle and he’s making snail work of your shorts with little kisses, pulling them off along with your panties. He’s purposely taking it slow with you, testing the waters.

Successfully spreading your thighs, he salivates. One look at your perfekt swollen clit and he’s down on his knees, offering one long lick to the slick heavenly gates. “So good.” He groans, now flicking your bead with his tongue in vast motions - and you mewl out, high pitched and needy. He’s so good at eating your pussy, wrapping his lips around the whole thing once he made you sensitive for it. “König..” A pule of his name leaves your lips, sending blood straight to his cock once again.

You gasp once you realize he’s rolling your hips onto his tongue, making you fuck yourself on his tongue with his hands. “Holy fuck-” Your toes curl, biting your bottom lip. The changes between flicking his tongue and sucking all feed into your upbuilding orgasm.

“König!” He stops abruptly at the last squeal of his name, right at the moment you felt yourself coming undone.

Standing at his full height you pout up at him. “I’m sorry- please, can’t let you cum yet. Need to show you.” He repeats, almost defeatedly, like he wants to fulfill your needs now.

König pulls down his pajama pants down to his ankles, before he positions himself in front of spread legs. Rubbing his tip against your clit, prodding against it deliberately. Making you sob, kick your feet against his back needily. “Uhuh. None of that, you’ll get what you want in a second.” Gentle, affirming.

“Gonna slip this in, slowly. You got that?” He affirms with you, and you're nodding your head urgently. It makes him chuckle, how pliant and needy you are.

You throw your head back once you feel his stretch, a wince passing through your lips. "Er nimmt es so gut auf.." He praises with a moan, a hand gently caressing your collarbone from where he stands.

He’s trying to distract you from the feel of his cock spreading you open, you’ve tightened up so much since the last time.

He finally gets the whole meat slab in with a plap, and you let out a sigh of relief. He finds it really cute, how you struggle beneath it. “You’ve got it.. Good girl, the best.” He dances his hips into yours, balls flat against your ass. “Made for my cock.” “So deep..” Your thighs tighten around him, begging him to start a pace already - the torture of slow, deep thrusts. “Hah- fuck.. Too slow Köni..” Ugh, you’re so fucking cute. Stop it. It’s taking enough of his willpower to not fuck you right into this bed.

“H-Harder..” König chuckles, grinning at how feverish you are. “Dirty girl.” Your knees are then pressed next to your ears, he’s putting you in some sort of mating press - making you swallow in anticipation, a little fear maybe. This position makes him feel deeper than ever, you’re clenching around him.

He swallows. “This is what you want? You can take it?” He doesn’t relent his rolls into you, like this is a casual interaction. “Yes- fuck- Please!” You beg and he immediately complies, making you jump up with every thrust of him into you, heavy balls slapping right against you. “You like this?” He doesn’t even need to have you answer, your mewls are speaking for you.

As soon as he gets you where he wants, a hard thrust is battered into you - making you cry out at the sheer force of it. He’s not cruel though, bending down so you could hold onto his shoulders. He gulps, adams apple bobbing. “This is what you wanted? Tell me, please.” He needs to get confirmation from you, eyes scanning over your face for any signs of discomfort. “Keep going.” You take his breath away, good girl. Taking all of this cock.

He bites his lip, denting your can roughly - the smacking of your skin is loud and sinful. His hands lay planted on your ankles, driving into you like a two dollar whore.

Broken moans escape your mouth as you constantly feel his dick ram against your cervix. ”Gonna show you how sorry I am.” Your body tensed up as you felt your orgasm approaching humiliatingly quick. Your legs tried to kick at something, but that's impossible with them suspended in the air, unable to move.

He just wont stop thrusting either, watching you try to form a sentence underneath him.

Waves of pleasure incinerate through your body, burning your insides with ecstasy and heat. The constant sliding of his shaft against your walls doesn't help it either, he's changed the angle which his dick hits to where its constantly drubbing your g-spot.

"Good- good pussy. I'm' hitting that pillowy spot." He laughs, orgasmic yet a little bit deranged in the middle of sex.

You gasp out, feeling a string in your stomach get unbearably thin. Your pussy clenches, it’s slightly nauseating from how tightly you’ve clamped. He moans, back arching from the feel of you squeezing him dangerously tight. “Fuck yeah, cum for me. Cum for me.. Ja..!” His head is thrown back, lost in just you completely.

The coil finally snaps and you squeal, your juices coming out squelching and running down your ass. You’re drooling, lips coated in saliva. And he just wants to clean up all of that with his kisses, connect your saliva together.

"Ah! König!" You yelp, vision turning white as overwhelming waves of bliss start hitting you like a truck.

Your toes uncurled once you’ve gotten off your high, signs of it still lingering around in your stomach - feels like your pussy is beating as fast and hard as your heart.

But you can’t forget, he’s looking for his release as well. Mouth open and panting above you like a mutt. His moans announce his upcoming orgasm while rutting into your sensitive pussy like a bitch in heat. Your hand comes up to his chest to try and get his pace to relent - but it’s not possible to push past a brick wall. You’ve already started sobbing at this point from the overstimulation, mewls for König to be gentler goes in from one ear out from the other. Or if he can even hear you.

With the clenching of your snatch he's throwing his head back with a broken moan. "Hng-auh..! It's been so long since he's had good pussy like yours, and you best believe he's enjoying himself.

A rumbling deep inside of him, lingers of an upcoming orgasm taking over his well-mannered self. Now his hands have moved up to your ankles, putting himself in a plank and pounding so hard you think you'd die.

König's trying to match your moans like an orchestral performance, seemingly like he's mocking you, yet it's full of honesty and neediness. "Close hmng- yes.. fuck m-" He announces before cutting himself off unplanned, spurting into your storage room with his buttocks clenched forwards to push semen further into you.

The mongrel of the house squeezing your ankles with a sob once he feels his high hit him like it did yours, keeping his shaft nestled in you while he finds himself in ecstasy - unknowing of your suffering from overstimulation beneath him. Beaten and battered pussy.

He doesn’t notice your trembling body underneath him till he hears you let out a feeble sound of his name. Looking down to your shaking legs, thighs covered in your splattered juices. And by god, are you a sight.

“No more..” You mumbled, unable to coherently speak to him anymore. He pulls out of you, a small squelch being heard from how good he's spread you out. "Ja, won't fuck you anymore." He gravely snickered, letting your legs down from the sore position they were in.

König practically purrs out his praises, running his hands up and down your body. “Let’s get you to the bathroom now, a bath?” He suggests, your ears perk up at the sound of a warm bath surrounding your achy body.

Bonus ;)

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banannabethchase · 10 months ago

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Dreambook bonanza from Sara! How I want to see the belt picture go from now until Double or Nothing. This one is like a thousand words so...under the cut we go! Credit to @sarahcakes613 for their "but what if Joe and Hanger?" which has lived rent free in my noggin for months, and also because they came up with a lot of the players. Tagging @scissormedaddyass as well.

The Devils attacked Hangman, but Joe also accused Hangman and brought attention to him for MJF. This implies, to me, that it was all linked and intended. Hanger is in a lifelong feud with Cole, from what I can tell. They’re going to circle around each other forever. But Joe – Samoa Joe is like a wall in the way of Hangman’s progress. He showed up before Hanger could really go after Max. He’s the one who drew attention to Hangman and got him beat up.

So, when Hanger comes back, he knows who he wants to go after.

Cole is smart: he’s calculated, conniving, manipulative. There’s even a chance he hoped all of this would happen. He knew, with how injured Max was, that Joe would beat Max, with a tiny bit of distraction from him as Cole and him as the Devil. But he also knows that, realistically, he himself can’t beat Samoa Joe.

So he goads Hangman into it. Hangman, who is constantly trying to prove himself. Hangman, who lost the belt in a way that broke him a little. Hangman, who has been dancing on the edge of the void for months now. Hangman, who can beat Joe with his strategic strength and skill, but who can be psychologically manipulated by Cole. It’s an easy first match back in the ring, in Cole’s eyes. He lost to Hangman twice, yes. But he’s a new man now. He’s different.

The feud builds until they announce a Hangman/Joe main event at Revolution. Cole goads Hangman the whole time: you’re not strong enough, you’re not big enough, you’re not bad enough. He’s already getting under Hangman’s skin. It’ll be like taking candy from a baby – he won’t even have to wait to strike until Double or Nothing, after Joe beats Hangman at Revolution. Happy Easter to him.

Swerve is lurking in the background, finishing his rise to the top. He beats high level names on the roster for a few weeks, then turns his eye on the BCC. First, he beats Bryan Danielson. He beats Yuta. He beats Claudio, and that’s when he makes his claim. Revolution. Swerve vs. Mox. He will get his win back. And then he is going after the title, no matter who wins. He not so secretly hopes it’s Hangman. He can psychologically manipulate Hangman. Joe doesn’t seem like he’d be easy to take down, physically or emotionally, but Hangman. God, he’s so easy for Swerve, isn’t he.

Hangman vs. Joe is brutal and vicious, with Cole and the Devils lurking (Cole said it’s to help Joe win, but Cole is always a liar). Hangman, with surprise intervention from Cole that could be viewed as an accident by a man less astute than Samoa Joe, is victorious. Hanger’s win is gold dipped in blood – he won, but at what cost? It’s the first major win of his with interference. He’s not as affected by that as he knows he should be.

Cole, finally healed and ring ready, steps up to Hangman the Dynamite after Revolution. He’s challenging for the belt. And he will get it. We get a rematch sometime at the end of March/beginning of April. Cole underestimated this new Hangman, though. Last time they fought in April Hangman couldn’t cheat.

This time, he hits Cole in the face with the belt, and smiles through his victory. Cole is a picture of shock as Hangman’s music starts and his hand is raised.

This is not how it was supposed to go.

Cole is carted away by his Devils. He has been thwarted. He has been beaten. He has been out cheated by the golden boy.

Swerve, on the next Dynamite, comes out on the ramp during Hangman’s in ring promo, and just stares. The room goes silent. For the first time since facing Kenny, there’s a hint of fear in Hangman’s eyes.

Swerve throws bait at Hangman during the next few Dynamites – it’s clear he’s going to challenge for Double or Nothing, but he just won’t say it. Hangman gets more and more brutal as he takes out Kaun, Toa, Cage, a jobber or two.

It’s the Dynamite before Double or Nothing. Hangman stands victorious over his latest conquest, but he doesn’t look comfortable. He doesn’t look certain. He doesn’t look like a self-assured champion.

“I told you a long time ago, Hangman,” comes a voice, echoing around the arena, “I’m here to take your spot. Double or Nothing, you will lose your belt. And I will be the AEW World Champion.”

Hangman’s music is still going, but it now sounds ominous. He looks down at the belt in his hands, and is finally worried about what might happen next.

At Double or Nothing, Swerve uses the psychological tactics to beat Hangman. But he doesn’t make the mistakes Cole and Joe made; no, he’s been watching. He’s seen what didn’t work in the past, he’s figured out where Hangman’s truest weaknesses are.

Swerve baits Hangman with echoes of his losses in the past. A mockery of a GTS. An intentionally missed Buckshot. After the ref is distracted by the Bucks, who were trying to slip Hanger the belt to win, Swerve intervenes and takes it from Matt’s panicked hands. Swerve hands Hangman the belt and encourages him. “Go ahead,” Swerve says. “Prove how bad you are.”

Hangman uses it. And Swerve doesn’t even stagger. He takes the belt from Hanger’s hands, throws it out of the ring, and takes him down by the knee.

Swerve wins without a shadow of a doubt, taking Hangman out with a killshot. He wins clean. And Hangman continues his tradition of losing at Double or Nothing.

Finally, Swerve has his belt. He got there because, truly, he is the best. On the mic. In the ring. But, most of all, he lives rent free in everybody’s heads. He made a home there, a home in AEW, and now it’s all his.

#wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes #in which sara dream books

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hellsingmongrel · 2 years ago

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That sure was a fuckin’ JOURNEY

(Spoilers, AGAIN, for Trigun, Trimax, and Tristamp) Welp. I hyperfixated on the entirety of Trigun Maximum that I got through it in like a day combined of reading, and that was WILD. Actually had a headache from fixating so hard and from all the megasads, but now that I’ve seen the conclusion, I’m feeling a lot clearer in my brain.

What made me kind of cackle at the end was that Meryl and Milly. Became REPORTERS. People who complain about Meryl being a reporter in Stampede can just sit down. It’s canon. They just moved the timelines a bit. Also, HOLY SHIT was that the most “The Power of Love and Friendship” solution to the battle I’ve ever seen out of a magical girl anime! And honestly, it made SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE. Needle-noggin’s unending, exasperating pacifism actually did save the world! Who would have thought??? And I sure as Hell did not expect EARTH to still be functioning and sending out rescue ships!

NGL, though, there was a stretch where I legit was worried it wouldn’t have a happy ending AT ALL, and boy did that make me even more worried! It was SO DARK. So much death and horror and actual sexual assault (which is the one that I REALLY didn’t expect, and especially not with the character it involved, wow, :U) Nor did I expect Knives to come out of it on the other end actually going “...Wow, ok, yeah, I was a shit.” And for a while, there, it felt like a TOTALLY different story than it started off as!

Nightow did a good job of bringing it back around full circle at the end, and in such a way that yeah, Vash was having to be back on his bullshit all over again, but he didn’t have the weight of everything he was running from emotionally weighing him down like he had before, which made it seem so much nicer! Sure, he’ll have to deal with people getting hurt and killed, but it seems like he’s not going to be putting the blame for literally every little thing that happens on his own shoulders.

I gotta say, when it comes to Stampede, I’ve seen some people saying that the Knives we get in episode 11 is super out of character and he would NEVER do what he did, but man. I gotta say. After reading the entirety of the manga, I do not agree with that criticism. There was a time there when he SUPER tried to shut down any compassion he had for Vash, so I can totally see him trying to use him for his own goals. I’m still excited to see how they handle the rest of the story they’re telling with the new series and stand by my assertion that Stampede Vash should be wrapped up in blankets and given cocoa and lots and LOTS of therapy and hugs and cuddles and head pats and told everything’s going to be ok. But he seems like a much younger Vash, who you only saw a few times in Max, but who had the same sort of naivete. It’s an interesting reimagining for the boy, but it all still feels very much like our favorite donut-addicted doofus.

Also, I have mountains of Vashwood feels that I don’t have the current capacity to handle and will have to stew on for a while, because GOOD LORD that was one hell of a fucking ride in THAT regard, too. Meanwhile, literally his relationship with Meryl and Milly feels almost like the protective, constantly-worrying parent. I know Meryl and Vash is a huge ship, and that’s totally valid, I just do not see him feeling that way for her at all. o_O The part where she was bawling and he was kneeling down to talk on her level had HUGE “adult talking to an upset child” vibes for me and nope. It just reinforced the “This man looks like he’s barely old enough to drink, but he’s literally old enough to be everyone’s great, great, great grandparent!” He still lights up like a giant golden retriever puppydog when they show up, because he adores the fuck out of the insurance girls, holy shit! It just doesn’t seem romantic to me at.

All in all, I gotta say, when I was big into anime and manga, Hellsing was my top favorite and Trigun was my second favorite, solely based on the Trigun anime. But after the really unsatisfying way Hellsing ended for me, and after seeing the way Trigun Max was done, it absolutely blows Hellsing out of the number one spot for me. It’s just SO GOOD! I was seriously doing myself a major disservice, not reading it for so long! Not that I had much control over supply chain issues for very small rural towns with little access to foreign goods.

There’ve been rumors that Dark Horse is planning a special edition rerelease of the manga (same as they did for Hellsing a few years ago, apparently. That’s on my bucket list) and I will ABSOLUTELY be buying those if and when they do! GIB GIB! LEMME HAVE PHYSICAL COPIES! I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED!

#Trigun #Trigun Maximum #Trigun Stampede #I'm probably forgetting some things I wanted to say #but my brain is a literal pile of goo right now #so Fuck it.

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frankieking · 9 months ago

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A Dad's Child Who: Thomas, Frankie & Jordan ( @thomas-meier ) What: Thomas starts to see Jordan for who he is and Frankie tries to not get in the middle. When: This para takes place over a year with breaks detailed. A/N: Just a brief look into Thomas' breaking point and how Frankie stayed away to help repair a marriage already on the brink.

FRANKIE:

Frankie sat in the dinning room by themselves with a bologna sandwich on their plate as they finished off some college applications. Two years of rehab and getting their life straight was enough to get their mind on track too. It had been a year since losing their grandparents and while they were grateful to Thomas for everything they’ve done for them, Frankie needed to start repaying. They heard footsteps and looked up, flashing Jordan a small smile. “Hey! You hungry ? I can make you one?” Meaning the bologna sandwich. Frankie knew they still had to win Jordan over. Even though it had been a couple of years since they were in one another’s lives, being in rehab didn’t give them the opportunity to bond and Frankie knew that’s what Thomas wanted most of all. Even though he had adopted her a few years back, there was still a disconnect. Frankie didn’t want to think it was their relationship with Thomas but lately, they weren’t quite sure. Maybe if they spent more time with Jordan, everyone would be happier. “I finished my Stanford application. Want to take a look?”

JORDAN:

Jordan was still wary of Frankie. He didn’t want them to be doing drugs in his house. He did voice his concerns to Thomas when Frankie came back from rehab, but he was brushed off and told Frankie was doing ‘much better.’ He would believe it when he saw it. As he passed through the dining room, he did grin back at Frankie. *’Be their friend.’* he constantly told himself. “Oh. No, I don’t eat bologna. Thank you.” Jordan was aware that he was technically Frankie’s adoptive father as well, but he didn’t feel that sort of paternal attachment toward them. “Stanford? I thought you were just applying to state schools. Um, do you need help with it? The application?”

FRANKIE:

Frankie was very aware that Jordan didn’t really click with them and they didn’t exactly blame him. Frankie came with a slew of problems and a Newlywed couple didn’t need to deal with. It didn’t matter how long Frankie was in Thomas’ life. “Ah alright. I could prep something else for you ?” Frankie pushed the essay they had just finished for Jordan to read. “State schools? And not take advantage of this noggin?” They pointed to their temple and smirked. “I had a 4.2 GPA and some pretty excellent references. Besides, I keep hearing that my story would give me an excellent chance at getting in. What do you think?”

JORDAN

Jordan shook his head. “No, it’s not necessary to make me anything. I’ll just wait for Tom to get home to have dinner with him,” he said and sat down at the table to skim over the essay. That noggin? The one that thought it was cool to do drugs? Jordan was skeptical. “Well, you had those two years ago when you graduated high school. Will they still hold up?” He asked. “If they’re looking for students who dealt with a lot, you’re certainly a poster child for A Lot.”

FRANKIE

Now Frankie was tough. They could roll with punches but they could also throw them. However, this was Jordan and they had to play nice. Thomas really liked him and he deserved that much from Frankie. They cleared their throat and watched Jordan with eager eyes hoping he genuinely was reading their words. His words however were biting. “I did and I regret not doing it then. A lot happened and I’m a changed person now.” Frankie took the essay from Jordan. “Yeah well, I don’t plan on banking on that solely. I’ve got plenty of writing credits off school campus and I was involved in a lot of events and activities even while I was in the program. They helped turn me around but also helped nourish the parts of me that might have been otherwise ignored. So yeah. Stanford.”

JORDAN

“Hm. Yeah, you could have been halfway through college by now. But no matter! You’re going now,” Jordan said, reminding himself to be nice to Frankie. “Well, if Stanford accepts you, at least Thomas makes Ivy League money and can put you through college, even if you don’t get scholarships. Though hopefully he doesn’t have to dig into the college fund we already have set up for our future children.”

FRANKIE

“Yeah…that wasn’t—“ they sighed and filed away their essay instead of going a few rounds with Jordan. The sooner they were out of the house the easier it would be for them and for Thomas and Jordan. “He doesn’t have to put me through college. I’ll apply for loans and I’m sure there will be scholarships available. I wouldn’t want you guys to take any of that money. For your kids.” They wouldn’t let Jordan know how those words cut deeply. “You don’t have to worry about any of that.” Frankie was starting to believe they were more of an inconvenience than their kid and that was fair considering they were technically an adult now. Frankie was no longer the 11 year old Thomas had met once upon a time and they had royally fucked up more than once. “Besides, I’ll be in the dorms so it’ll be easier for everyone.”

JORDAN

“Yeah, that’s what everyone has to do with college these days, right? Take out loans,” Jordan shrugged a little. He really wasn’t worried about it. Thomas made enough money. And he would ask for a bigger salary when his contract was up, too. Thomas promised him that if the Sharks wouldn’t pay, he would go to another team. Maybe they would even go back to New York! “Oh! Dorms are good. You’ll have a lot of fun with kids your age. Just not too much fun, right?” He said, knowingly taking a jab at their sobriety.

THOMAS

Thomas got home from practice while Jordan and Frankie were talking. He was hopeful the two of them were getting along when he heard them discussing college. He knew how excited Frankie was to start applying. Thomas had encouraged them to apply everywhere they may want to go, especially if it was nearby so he could still see them often. When he heard Jordan taking verbal jabs at Frankie, he heard enough and walked into the dining room. “Jordan. That’s enough. Leave Frankie alone. You know how hard they have worked to get to where they are now!”

FRANKIE

"Right." In truth, Frankie was already annoyed but they were trying hard to make sure Jordan didn't see it for their father's sake but also so that Jordan didn't think he was winning. When Jordan perked about the dorms, they imagined it was because he probably wanted them out of their house as soon as possible. "You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Finally, Jordan had hit a nerve. "You'd love it if I went away and then tripped up and relapsed so you could prove me wrong."

Frankie would keep going but then they heard Thomas enter the room. They cleared their throat and gathered their applications, essays, and laptop. "It's okay, he has no reason to think I'll make it. I should go back to my room or something."

JORDAN

Jordan was suprised to see Thomas back so soon, and it showed on his face. "I was just kidding. Everyone knows that. Frankie knows that. I want what's best for her, of course. Same as anyone," he said, covering his own ass.

THOMAS

Thomas just gave him a stern look and frowned at Frankie. "*I* know you'll make it. And you don't have to go up to your room. This is your house, Frankie. You can spend time anywhere you'd like." Thomas desperately wanted to contradict everything Jordan said. He would be more than happy to help Frankie go to their dream school. It wouldn't have any impact on future kids, though with each passing day he was glad not to have them with Jordan. "Are you really going to live in the dorms? I know it's encouraged for freshmen to live close to classes and other campus activities, but you know you can stay home and commute. Whatever *you* want."

FRANKIE

Frankie looked away, quickly wiping away their tears and hoping Thomas didn't see. They ignored what Jordan said and gripped their laptop close to their chest. It was times like these where maybe a hit of something wouldn't feel so bad. "Yeah.." They whispered and sniffled. They pulled out their phone and texted their sponsor their code word.

"Thanks, Thomas." Frankie realized they hadn't called him dad in that moment and it made them cringe but maybe they weren't a part of this family after all. When he mentioned dorming, Frankie didn't want to contradict him but knew it be best if they weren't around as much anymore. "I'll be 40 minutes away if I get into Stanford so it won't be bad. Dorming seems...*appropriate*." They didn't want to seem ungrateful so they added, "You can visit whenever, I promise." Frankie had made up their mind for their father and no one else in that room. He deserved the best chance at a functional relationship.

THOMAS

Thomas nodded a little, though it stood out to him when Frankie didn't call him 'dad'. They normally did these days. He honestly loved being called dad and felt like Frankie was his child, even if they hadn't been for a long time. "Don't give me an open invitation. You'll never get rid of me," he grinned a little. Even if Jordan was being a dick, he wouldn't be one to Frankie. He genuinely believed in them and he wrapped his arm around Frankie, hugging them from the side as they held onto their laptop. "I'll be here the rest of the night if you need me, okay?"

He waited until Frankie was out of the room and upstairs before he started in on Jordan, telling him that he heard everything and that it was unacceptable to make Frankie feel bad like that. He told Jordan that Frankie had as much of a right to the college fund they set up for their kids as any other child they had because Frankie *was* their child. He hated fighting, but it was happening more often.

FALL SEMESTER-

FRANKIE

It was the fourth week of the start of the semester and Frankie was doing great. There were a few moments of temptation which they had communicated to their sponsor and to their dad as well. They had even told Thomas about the one incident in the spring after their conversation with Jordan. Hopefully Thomas was doing better with him. Happily, they sealed an envelope which included ame mementos from Stanford including a t shirt for Thomas and a keychain for Jordan plus her entire first paycheck of wages from working at the school bookstore. They had signed the back of it for Thomas to deposit. It was a drop in the bucket for everything he was doing for them but they figured it was a start. “Hi Dad; when I become a movie star, the check will be bigger. Doing great here. I’ll see you during Thanksgiving. Maybe.” Frankie wanted to see him but didn’t want to cause more trouble. After they sent off the package, Frankie buried themselves back into their work.

THOMAS

Thomas tried to see Frankie more. He offered to come to the school all the time on his way home from games in San Jose. It was halfway between, after all. Unfortunately, the open invitation to see Frankie any time wasn't that open. They were working a lot, in addition to studying all the time. Thomas was *incredibly* proud of Frankie. Every time they texted him when they felt tempted, he beamed with pride. They were so aware and determined to stay clean. Thomas admired Frankie for it. When he got the envelope from them, he immediately put on the t-shirt. Stanford Dad. It was his new favourite piece of clothing. He snapped a photo of himself in the mirror with a cheesy thumbs up and sent it to Frankie. 'I'm going to wear this every day and brag about you more than I already do! Also, I'm not cashing your check. Keep your money! Go to a 24-hour diner at an unreasonable hour with your friends or something! Love you! Keep at it!'

FRANKIE:

Frankie laid back in their twin bed, phone attached to their chest as their eyes filled with tears. “What’s up with you , King? Heart break already? It’s first term!” Their roommate shouted out and threw a fruit roll up at them.

“No. I just miss my dad.”

“Boo daddy’s girl!”

Frankie didn’t bother to correct their roommate. It was too late and they were too nostalgic. * “looking good, dad. Please don’t wear it everyday. Laundry is still a thing. I’m sure Jordan will appreciate you washing it every so often lol. I wanted to start paying you back for rehab. You’ve done too much for me already. Friends? As if. No time for friends.”

Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went. Frankie told Thomas they were going to attend winter session and vouched to stay at a motel instead. They couldn’t imagine making the holiday better for Jordan and he wasn’t even texting them these days. That’s okay. They’ll visit for Spring Break.

*“Did you get my Christmas/Hanukkah gift? It’s a real virtual calendar. Now there’s no excuse to miss important dates. Like April 3. I’ll be home by then.” *

WINTER/END OF TERM

THOMAS

"I can do laundry every day! He deals with my man stink after games. It's fine. You will do no such thing. And go make friends! You're too sweet to not have them. You have the dad seal of approval. Bribe them with hockey tickets or something?"

Thomas desperately missed Frankie at Thanksgiving and the holidays. He offered to take them Black Friday shopping. Then he practically begged them to come home at least for Christmas Eve and New Year's.

Jordan made snide comments about Frankie not wanting to come back because they didn't miss them. And once, Thomas blew up on him after he made a comment that maybe Frankie was too coked out to come visit.

"Of course I got it! Did you get the big care package I sent you? If you insist on being away for the holidays, I'm going to send you every gift that you would have gotten for the eight crazy nights. I've got April 3 on the calendar! It's a roadie for me, then, but you should definitely tag along! Part of it is in Toronto and Ottawa. You can see my side of the family. My mum and dad say you should have gained the Freshman 15 by now and insist on doing it themselves. I believe mum said she'd make a babka just for you."

FRANKIE

Frankie had gained 15 pounds and they actually looked like themselves. They looked healthier and they had dad’s good fortune to thank for that. They secretly wondered if Jordan hated them for that too. Frankie wanted to see their adoptive grandparents more than anything. They yearned to surround themselves by family. It’s all they’ve ever wanted. Thomas was the only person after their grandparents that made them feel like they belonged. April 3 came and went. Jordan told Frankie that he and Thomas wouldn’t be around and that it’d be better if Frankie stayed on campus. Passover was the last straw. Frankie needed to see Thomas. They texted their dad their apologizes but sent him their transcript. Straight As and next year they’d be signing up for a communications class. It wasn’t enough to fill the void and by the time the summer hit and everyone began to pack up, Frankie was lost and alone.

“Dad, can we talk?” They texted. “Please come get me. I need to talk. Something’s very wrong here. Why didn’t you want to see me for spring break? Or Passover? I thought that was our thing?”

THOMAS:

"Look at those grades! Your professors must love you! You work so hard!

And of course we can! I'll come straight from practice to campus - after showering. I told you that you were welcome, but your plane ticket to Canada was canceled... Did you not do that?"

FRANKIE:

Frankie’s brows furrowed as they sat on their suitcase. “What plane ticket?” They responded immediately to their father. There was no way Jordan would have set that up. Right? “I know you said I was invited but then next thing I know Jordan is telling me you guys were going to be too busy and I shouldn’t come. I didn’t know there was a plane ticket. I would have been there.”

THOMAS:

"... what do you mean what plane ticket? Jordan showed me proof that he bought two. He told me you canceled. I missed you the whole time. My family missed you."

FRANKIE:

They guessed they always knew Jordan was somewhat evil. His comments to Frankie were rarely kind and he was good at covering it up with sarcasm and Thomas, well he loved his husband and there was no crime in that. Frankie’s trembling hands searched for the conversation from the spring and how Jordan had convinced them there was just no space for Frankie on this break. They snapped the screenshots and sent them to Thomas. Frankie didn’t want to be the reasons Thomas and Jordan fought so after the initial text, they added, “maybe he just wanted you for himself and family too. I would have been a disturbance. He’s always thinking I’m gonna relapse. Maybe he thought a big trip like that would have sent me over the edge. He loves you. Don’t go too hard on him.” Frankie couldn’t believe they were defending him but they wanted Thomas to be happy above all things.

THOMAS:

Thomas couldn't believe what he was reading when Frankie sent him the screenshots of the text messages. They did make more sense than Frankie *not* wanting to come to Canada to see him play and see his family. Especially because they were all so keen on seeing them for spring break and Passover. "You wouldn't have been a disturbance. Not in any sort of way. If the stress of Stanford hasn't led to you relapsing, my family certainly wouldn't. I can't go back in time and fix what he did, but I'm going to do something about it so it doesn't happen again. I'm sorry, Frankie. I'm so sorry. I'm driving to see you, okay? I love you, sweetheart."

FRANKIE:

Frankie didn’t necessarily like Thomas’ words. He was always a man of his word and that meant that he’d hardly budge from a decision if he made one. Frankie respected that about him and quite frankly, it helped them become a better person. “I’m sorry. I would have been there. I miss you so much and it’s so stupid because you’re less than an hour away. I really wanted to see bubbe and zayda. Do they think I hate them? What are you gonna do? I love you too. I’m sitting on the quad on top my suitcases. I got us both Dunkin. Don’t text and drive.”

THOMAS

"I miss you every single day. You have to believe me, Frankie. Of course they don't think you hate them. They also love you very much. I'm going to have a stern talking to Jordan, okay?" Thomas knew that he was going to do more than that. The therapy they'd been taking for the last several months wasn't working. Things were getting worse. And this was the last straw. "I'll be there very, very soon."

FRANKIE:

Frankie was glad to hear that their grandparents didn’t hate them. They hoped that whatever conversation Thomas had with Jordan it wouldn’t be too drastic. Hopefully one day, he’d grown to like them. Once they saw their dad walking onto the quad wearing his Stanford t shirt, they tapped their second suitcase so that Thomas could sit beside them. They raised their hand and handed them one of the iced coffees they had been babysitting. “Hey, dad. Long time no see.”

THOMAS:

It took everything in Thomas to not sprint through the campus to find Frankie, but that would just leave him sweaty. He looked at his child and hugged Frankie tight after taking the iced coffee. "Hi, Franks. I'm so unbelievably happy to see you," he said. Thomas forwarded all of the screenshots to Jordan with a simple message. 'I know what you did.' Then he silenced all messages from his husband. "You didn't tell me it was time to leave the dorms. I would have come with the other car, though I suppose the suitcases will sort of fit in the trunk and the backseat. You *are* coming home for the summer, right?"

FRANKIE:

Frankie tightened their embrace with their father, unable to fathom how they haven’t seen him since last summer. “Sorry. I mean to be fair, I’ve been wallowing. You too probably, huh?” Frankie waited for Thomas to sit on the suitcase beside them and rested their head on his shoulder.

“Frankie’s dad! That’s what’s up! I’m Luke. I love Frankie! Did you know they’re an excellent chess player?”

“Luke, no.”

Frankie’s friend rolled his eyes and then held the phone sign to his ear. “Callll meeeee”

Frankie shook their head and closed their eyes. “No. He’s not my boyfriend.” Frankie missed this. “I’m sure he’d like to be. Yes, I’d like to come home for the summer. Jordan is probably gonna want to hide all the cough syrup I I’m sure. “

THOMAS

"Of course I've been wallowing. I've missed my favourite kid," he grinned and sat on the suitcase. He laughed a little at the young man named Luke. "You play chess? I didn't know that. And I *was* going to ask if he was your boyfriend. Thanks for letting me know. You're welcome home any time. It is your home, as I've told you many times. Jordan is... well. He's being a fucking asshole. More than normal. I didn't want to tell you, but we've been in couple's therapy. Before you worry, it's not your fault. It's absolutely not your fault. It's his. And also mine. I have to take responsibility for my part in it."

FRANKIE

“I’m your only kid.” Frankie laughed and watched Luke walk away before adding, “I learned this year actually ! We can play if you’re down. I have a lot to tell you and I want to hear all about Canada. The good parts at least.”

They frowned at Thomas’ confession when it came to his marriage. “I’m sorry. I know how much you love him. Is it—bad, bad or this may go away in a couple of months bad?”

THOMAS

"Technicalities," Thomas smiled. "We can play chess. I would love to hear about everything. Your classes. Your job. Your friends. Everything I've missed. I'll tell you all about Canada. Your aunt Trish - my twin, remember - wants you to come stay with her for a few days this summer. I told her that you wouldn't be a live-in babysitter for her," he chuckled. "Her own twins are two now," he said. Thomas didn't want to dump everything on Frankie. It wasn't healthy to do that. "It's been bad, bad for a while now. I was blind to it."

FRANKIE

“I want all those things. School is great. I’m really acclimated and the other students are pretty cool. I’m working every morning before classes at the bookstore. I get 25% off discount so that’s nice.” Frankie smiled and then chuckled when their father. Even if they weren’t biologically related, they sure had similar mannerisms. “I would love to visit aunt Trish.” Hearing about the relationship woes, Frankie grabbed their father’s hand to give it a supportive squeeze. “ I’m sorry. He’s… I think he’s troubled or something. Are you thinking… the D word?”

THOMAS:

Thomas grinned. "You don't know how glad I am to know you like school and that you're fitting in here. A discount is nice. I know text books are more expensive than they should be," he said. "You don't have to stay with her. You can stay with your grandparents. My mum will make you so much food you'll explode," he grinned. Thomas squeezed Frankie's hand back. "Or something... yeah. I think it would be for the best. Again, it's not your fault."

FRANKIE:

Frankie smiled at Thomas. It was one thing hearing how proud he was through text and it was another to hear it in person. Without hesitation, they wrapped their arms around Thomas’ neck and started to cry. “I missed all of this. All the dad and Frankie stuff. I took you for granted and —and I was so mad at Jordan but didn’t want to ruin anything for you. I love you so much. You saved my life over and over again and I can never repay you for any of it. I don’t know who my biological dad is. I’ll never know. He left me before he got to know me and you wanted me as your kid after you got to know me and—“ Frankie sniffled and held on. “I want you to be happy. I want you to be so happy. I’ll stay with bubbe and I’ll eat all the food but I want to see you too and I want to stay home. I’ll commute and take a shift after class instead. I’m sorry about this. I know you’re saying it wasn’t my fault but I’m still so sorry.”

THOMAS

Thomas hugged Frankie tighter than he had since they were in the hospital after almost dying. Tighter than he had since he dropped them off at rehab. “Frankie,” Thomas said, voice cracking a bit as he started to cry as well. “I miss it all. I miss you, and I love you. I never, ever want anyone to get between us again. You repay me by being my child. You repay me by kicking ass at school.” He pulled back a little to look at Frankie. “Whatever you want! You can commute or you can stay on campus if you like living here. Just come home on the weekends. And come home for the holidays and breaks. Don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault.”

FRANKIE

"I don't either. I wish things would have been different with Jordan." They wondered if he'd be there when they returned home. Frankie looked up at Thomas and smiled a bit sadly. "I'll make you proud." They wiped their tears away and forgot for a moment they were sitting out on the quad. "I'll think about it. I have to let them know about room and board by next month so I have time. In truth, Frankie didn't want Thomas alone during the divorce process. "Do you want to get something to eat before we get back? I'm craving some nuggets." They chuckled. "And fries..."

THOMAS

“Me, too. I didn’t marry him with the intention of getting a divorce,” Thomas said. He still loved Jordan and that was the hardest part. “I know you will. You always do. I’m glad you don’t have to choose now. Just let me know. And if you’d prefer off-campus housing with friends, I’m sure we could figure that out, too,” he said. “We can absolutely go out to eat. It sounds like you have a specific place in mind,” so let’s get your stuff loaded up into the car, then head to the restaurant.”

FRANKIE

"I know. But you're great. And I'm sorry but if he can't see that, he's the one with the problem." Sure, Frankie was biased but Thomas was the most amazing person they've ever met. It set such high expectations for when they got older and found someone of their own. "Friends." They chuckled. "I have like four friends and one of them is Luke. If I even mention housing together, he may have a coronary. "Also..." Frankie grinned as they walked toward the car with Thomas. "How do you feel about me playing field hockey for Stanford?"

THOMAS

“I haven’t been perfect. Especially early on, but at least I’ve grown up a bit,” Thomas said. “Hey, the quality of your friends is more important than the quantity. Always remember that,” he grinned and carried the heavier bag. “You should do it! That would be fun! And I would come to any game I’m able to be at,” he promised.

FRANKIE

"And that's what matters." Jordan could kick rocks. Frankie had so much disdain toward him that they didn't know what they'd do if they bumped into him again. Perhaps that was why Thomas wanted them to spend some time with family until the dust settled. "Yeah? I'm signing up!" Frankie grinned. "Show them my skills and everything you've ever taught me. And *I* will come to any game I can catch of yours." Frankie finished loading the car and then hugged their dad once more. 'We're going to be okay, dad. I promise."

THOMAS

Thomas smiled widely. Despite hardly even hearing from his child for the last year, it felt like they fell right back into their stride. “Good! I hope you have so much fun with it and make a ton of friends,” he grinned. “They’ll ask how you’re so good at stick handling. Then you can just say your dad is a Shark. I can’t wait to see you at more games. You know there are always tickets for you.” Thomas hugged Frankie again after the car was loaded. “I know we will, sweetheart. We got each other.”

FRANKIE

"Friends, he says! Pfft." Frankie joked, always jokingly defiant about fostering new friendships with others or even relationships. They never really took a deep dive into why they avoided them like the plague but if they had to guess it was because they were afraid of losing them just like they'd lost just about everyone. When Thomas started to become so purposely in their life, Frankie feared the loss of a father figure and then turned father. Last year, they had convinced themselves that was exactly what was going on. Perhaps Frankie couldn't handle too many people to hold on to. Relationships were some liability. Maybe that'd change someday but for now, they'd deal with it. "I will brag about my dad, the Shark." Frankie nodded, knowing that they had to do better with Thomas after the tumultuous year they just had. They *did* have each other and when he said it, Frankie looked up at him and smiled however there was a big part of them that knew Thomas deserved something better. Something *more*. Hopefully, someday, Thomas would find true love and someone that would embrace his entire life. "Come on, let's get those nuggets."

#para: Dad's child #( paras. )

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doodleferp · 1 year ago

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(Archived) Vash and Ari Being Idiots In Love For An Entire Tumblr Post

Me being me, I have many unfinished drafts that are nearing some level of completion, but I had no idea what to start out with. So I figured — what better way to start writing about these two than to list off some fluffy headcanons!

Some of these were suggested by friends, others were inspired by super-cute stories, others came from my weird lil noggin.

Edit 2024: Given that Ari’s undergone a LOT of changes since this was first posted, I might do a rewrite of this later on. I’m not deleting this for posterity reasons.

I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that Vash and Ari are the biggest, dumbest simps on the planet. They have and will only continue to make people around them disgusted with how disgustingly-sappy, overly-affectionate they are with one another.

They’re constantly engaging in illicit hand-holding. They have weird conversations. They flop on each other. They make weird noises at each other and sing nonsense stuff. They purposefully mispronounce words. They turn almost everything into really bad innuendo. They are weapons of Class-G Cuteness and every other couple on No Man's Land pales in comparison.

In the past, Ari genuinely did not consider herself a very confrontational person. That is, until she started hanging out with Vash. He adopted not an introvert, but a ride-and-die hoe. The moment Ari thinks someone is disrespecting him, she busts through the wall to show them why that is not a thing they should have done. She is the woman at the counter and he is the guy who asked for no pickles.

Both of them are involuntarily touch-starved, and thus they take every opportunity to be glued to the other's hip. A touch, a stroke, whatever. they can. They'll hold hands or link arms while they walk, and since Vash has much more stamina than Ari, he'll carry her when she gets too tired to walk through the desert. Sneak-attack hugs and kisses are also Vash’s specialty.

As mentioned previously, Ari has all the tism and she makes weird noises to, among other things, illustrate her moods/reactions, and even just when she's bored. This clicks very well with Vash's Plant Brain, and he responds with his own mood sounds.

They constantly sleep together -- and that's not a euphemism, they are so hooked on snuggling up together in the same space that they actually have trouble sleeping when they're forced to sleep apart. Vash is a total snuggle bug and he absolutely craves body heat, so constantly snuggling is a must. Ari is partial to being the snugglee, but she loves being his big spoon. Sometimes while in the position she'll whisper "Little spoon?" and Vash will immediately snuggle up to her and curl up in a ball, ready for big spoon cuddles.

Not long after they started their snuggling together, they started getting their sleeping clothes mixed up and will occasionally wear the others’ pajamas. The clothes-sharing slowly escalates into sharing each others coats on occasion, and once they settle in Kasted it has spiraled out of control in the best way.

While they lived together in Kasted City, Vash would very quickly put down the fitted sheet on their bed, then dump all of the other blankets on top of him and Ari in a big pile while they were still warm. After their kiddos were born, he did it to them with initially-tiny but gradually-growing piles of laundry.

In addition to sleeping together constantly, they constantly shower/bathe together. They wash each other's hair, wash each other's bodies, help each other shave, etcetera. Baths can last for upwards of an hour because they’re too busy cuddling and talking and have long since finished cleaning themselves.

Remember that scene from Bob's Burgers where Linda dumped the entire bottle of bubble bath into the tub and turned it into like a paste? That's what Vash did when he was reintroduced to bubble baths. As Ari walks in, he rises from the depths, bubble beard hanging from his face, and makes a weird croaking sound. Ari has never not laughed at this and she's not about to start now.

Because Ari is still a gay by technicality, she got Vash into the "sir/ma'am" game that us gays play. You know the one. We all do it. They also constantly switch up the pronoun and it always gets at least one or two stares.

Also, fake arguments and random scenarios all the time. Like, out of nowhere one of them will start talking a certain way or doing a certain thing, and the other will join in without batting an eye and then ten minutes later they're wondering why they're pretending to be a couple of Tomases trying doughnuts for the first time.

I’m not joking when I say that these two are so cringe that people have thought they’re pretending to date for…whatever reason. They’ve been denied “couple discounts” for some ungodly reason, have been denied a single bedroom by a few weird innkeepers, and a few people have even asked if the other has kidnapped them. Those are truly interesting encounters, I’ll tell you hwat.

In short, these two are just completely and utterly smitten for one another and make no attempts to hide any of it. They’re both total idiots and everyone else has to suffer through it or go someplace else because no, it will not stop for any reason. Never.

c. doodleferp, 2023

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itchyeye · 2 years ago

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Ok I will say. Hot take here but i think JM in s5 is not MEANT to be healthy. I think that’s the whole entire point. It’s never portrayed as healthy; they spend the whole time bickering and arguing and not trusting each other and being so horrifically extremely codependent it’s pointed out BY ONE OF THE AVATARS, THE LITERAL HARVESTERS OF HORROR. I think making them dysfunctional is entirely the point. The last episodes they appear in together they’re arguing about jon becoming GOD, martin is very obviously against it, and jon simply decides he Does Not Care. And i mean, in the grand scheme of things? Jon, well, he’s correct! Doom one world and not millions of others. Martin isn’t portrayed as correct here- (in ‘checking out’, Jon says he knows martin is fine with the theoretical suffering of others, but when he actually SEES it then he’ll be horrified- same logic applies to his take on release the fears vs keep em in 199) all of them are just.. people. With opinions. Not really any of them good, or the standard, or healthy in the slightest. If you’re constantly bickering with your boyfriend about the morality of consuming other people’s terror, asking him to smite people you dislike, and practically insulting him at some points.. i don’t think that’s an intentionally healthy portrayal. Jmart is purposefully dysfunctional in canon, and I don’t think it’s bad writing because of it. And it goes both ways, too! Jon can be pretty mean to Martin throughout the pod!! He insults him behind his back to vent his frustrations about their relationship! Because, hey, loving each other isn’t enough, you’ve got to Actually Make It Work. And they can’t (won’t?) ever do the latter.

Actually, another hot take: not a single relationship exists in tma without extremely jagged or messed up edges. Even the canon ones, especially jmart. Because it’s a hORROR PODCAST.

…evil murder husbands JE, though? I get what you guys mean, tbh. That may be the exception to the above rule.

Same anon as before, i just wanted to add that none of that is from a place of frustration I just want to have a discussion about s5 jmart tbh. I feel like how unhealthy jm is isn’t spoken about in the context of ‘what if it’s intentional?’ Because a lottt of people just assume it’s bad writing when. No, no, i think jonny knows what a healthy relationship looks like, and this absolutely isn’t it (and that is pointed out in-canon)

Outside of my jmart Thoughts, I absolutely adore your writing!! How you DESCRIBE things just completely sticks me in the room in a way I don’t usually experience when reading fic. I sadly don’t really have any jonelias prompts floating around up in me noggin (for NOW), but i just wanted to say that. You’re super cool! I like seeing your stuff on my dash! Sorry i’m an anon, also; I fear people may come for me with fire and pitchforks if i were to use my main lmao. You’re really great at writing their dynamic!!

hey! thank you for sharing your thoughts. i'm not really a productive person to have this conversation with though because i haven't listened past MAG 166 (I have previously said multiple times that I never got past episode 4 of s5. turns out that's incorrect! the last episode i got to was The Worms, I misremembered it as 4 episodes because the first 2 episodes of s5 take place in Daisy's safehouse, so I was counting the number of statement episodes i listened to. they were extremely disappointing so they stuck with me. the jmart plays house episodes i just blacked out i guess as a defense mechanism.)

so, i really can't weigh in on what you've said here because i haven't experienced this season and i'm not going to. publishing both to respond and because maybe other people would like to have this conversation with you and it's clear you've put a lot of thought into this understanding of the text!

what i will say though is that i don't doubt that jonny sims knows what a healthy relationship looks like. i'm not pretending i know anything about him or his irl marriage (besides the crazy and immediate chemistry he and sasha have solely as disembodied voices) but he does write a lot of healthy relationships from his statement givers. people who love and care about each other in romantic, platonic, and familial ways that feel real and three dimensional.

but i'm actually totally uninterested in what sort of healthy relationships he can write, though. i don't seek out healthy relationships in my fiction lmao i seek out interesting ones. i don't want my blorbos to talk to one another like they're on the couch at couple's therapy.

my problem with jmart isn't that it's "unhealthy", it's that it's rewarded by the narrative. i'm supposed to believe that jon and martin randomly getting together in 158/9 is a culmination of their hard work. a reprieve from their suffering. finally, after all that horror, they can end up together. it's a reward for them! it's immediately taken away and that's supposed to be the tragedy. of having had a glimpse at happiness, or having closed your fingers around it, and then it being snatched away.

it's like, have you seen the descent (2005)? if you haven't i recommend it, it's one of my favorite movies. good buried statement. if you liked Lost Johns' Cave you'll love the descent (2005). i'm gonna spoil it for you now though, so sorry if you haven't seen it.

there's a scene near the end where our sole survivor sees daylight. she crawls for like a mile with broken limbs over sharp rocks and her hand breaches the surface. she escapes into the open air. she screams in the most primal, life affirming, animalistic way as she breaths lung full after lung full of fresh air. and then we snap back to reality and she is miles and miles beneath the earth, hallucinating her salvation.

it's really really affecting. it's such a gut punch. you think, huh, we're close to the end of our runtime, i've really come to care about this person. i'm so relieved that she's getting out. i'm experiencing her euphoria at finally escaping. and then it's all ripped away from you. it's incredible!!!

that's what 158 - 160 was supposed to be. jmart in their little scottish cabin with their little highland cows was the fresh air. except ,well, it didn't taste like fresh air to me! it felt like turning around 180* and crawling back into the dark. i think jon and martin are awful for one another but more than that: i don't believe that they find comfort in one another.

one of the chief draws of jon/elias is that elias is a reprieve for jon. he's the one person in his life who he is close to that doesn't hate him. that doesn't verbally abuse him as soon as he catches sight of him. he's also the person responsible for turning him into a monster but listen, you win some you lose some. every relationship has give and take. i: isolate you from everyone you know and drag you deeper into your paranoia. you: crawl to me for comfort only i can give you. romance!

i don't see the doomed romance that people who like jmart talk about because i don't see the two of them ever enjoying one another's company. i don't see anything that they have in common. i see them sort of hunker down as s1's sole survivors but even then, martin is pulling away from jon as hard as he can. we as the audience know this is because of peter, but basira tells jon it's because his mom died (??????) and he hates him too (?????).

so, i don't think that jmart is bad writing because it's supposed to be a great relationship and it's actually really unhealthy. i think jmart is bad writing because their plot arc hinges on me believing, despite 160 episodes giving ample evidence to the contrary, that they are in love with one another. maybe it's bad love, maybe it's a lie or an illusion or a veneer. whatever. i still need to believe (i the audience, the beholder in whose eye this is playing out) that they are in love. with one another.

and i honestly can't even picture them further than arm's length apart.

um also turning around to twirl my hair thank you SO much for your kind words about my writing D: i really appreciate that, it means a lot!!! i think it's obvious i care about this podcast a lot and i spend a lot of time thinking about it so thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and for reading my stuff. you are welcome here on or off anon, i'll also happily not publish things if you would like me not to publish them.

#[💌] asks and replies #anonymous

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what-immortal-hand-or-eye · 1 year ago

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Tagged in the fanfic writer bingo by @needle-noggins

Fun facts/ elaborations (?)

All of my fics are unbeta’d lol. I write and edit and then it goes up. They’re also all deeply self indulgent, but maybe not in ways that are immediately apparent.

If your fox has made me feel Big Feelings, I’m going to yell at you about it, and I’m constantly mashing the kudos button, despite whether or not I’ve hit it before.

Despite currently being Deep in the Trigun zone, I do like to write for multiple fandoms! I just haven’t gotten around to it in a while, lol

I have all of my outlines and they’re in the same doc as my draft (for when I’m writing on my phone)

Uhhh literally anyone who wants to Can do this! Here’s the original

#personal notes #trigun #tag game

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cheesecakezyum · 2 years ago

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Sun Wukong's courtings, please?

Being Courted By Wukong <3

Yay! They’re here! I 100% didn’t expect all the positivity my other posts have received— and I still have around 3-4 more requests just following through the idea.

I need to pay more attention to my Ao3 account as well, so my time is going to be split up going forward. I just wanted to get things started on here for future plans! alsomayhavebeenabittooinvestedwiththeseideasyouguysaregivingme.

This one might be a bit shorter! Demon courting is overall pretty similar with both monkeys, but I still added + changed some things.

But yeah! Let’s get to it, shall we?

─────────────────

♡- You couldn't seem to shake the feeling in your noggin that something was definitely wrong. Not with you, nothing has changed whatsoever. You considered your life to be quite normal actually! If you ignored the whole ‘monkey king is your closest companion’ dilemma.

♡- Like I’ve stated in my previous post, I like to believe that demons have natural, more primal centered instincts despite how modernized they’ve overall become. A reminder of their past origins and rituals in rural times. The monkey king is no exception with this matter. Especially when thoughts of courting you come into play.

♡- Building a friendship with someone like you was never something he’d be able to foresee, but destiny apparently had its way this time.

♡- Not like he minds, but the monkey king actually fell for you without paying too much attention to it.

♡- But it didn’t bug him as much as he initially expected. If anything, it cleared the air! That's why he found teasing you more fun, why your laugh gave him such a serotonin boost, why he kept staring at your lips. And why he was still thinking about you more than necessary.

♡- It definitely takes Wukong a while to even realize these feelings. Not that it’s necessarily impossible for them to come, not at all! He was just used to seeing everyone in a platonic light until it just hit him.

“You think they’d like this?”

“ Imagine their face if they saw that!”

“Oh.”

♡- You’re just.. intoxicating? Yeah. Something like that. He’s so utterly interested about you and your life– expect questions galore from him just about your daily routines. This delves into the courting aspect as well! Would ask you what your favorite food is, movie, hobby– specifically for things to bring you in the future. It can be a bit nagging at times, definitely. But you knew he had nothing but good intentions.

♡- Would attempt to watch anything you like for more opportunities to talk to you and open up to him.

♡- He’ll constantly tell you about all his adventures. Come on, he just has to tell you how cool he is and worthy of being your mate! You’d definitely accept him then!

♡- The staring is something you caught onto fairly quickly. Plenty of times he’s been seen in a daze of sorts, just… gazing at you. Wukong’s utterly clueless about it, at least until you decide to mention it.

♡- Isn’t afraid whatsoever to be blunt about it when caught in the act as well! Why hide his feelings when his whole job is to win you over?

“Hey, are you even listening? Helloooo?”

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Did you know how much I love your smile?” he wasn’t listening.

♡- Compliments galore! The way you did your hair, how you look so good doing a certain activity– He isn’t lying when he says he just can’t get enough of you.

♡- Holding your hand, always. Extremely physical with you in general really, but now it’s been more saccharine? Just, sentimental– sweet. Hugging you from behind with his arms wrapped around your waist, his chin propped over your shoulder etc etc.

♡- There have been plenty of times where all he’s needed was to be held or hold you– but now it's close to a daily routine. This includes rubbing his face all over you– especially your neck.

♡- 100% because he wants other demons to know that he’s pursuing you. When he notices you’ve showered, will not let you go until you’re practically drowning in the smell of ambrosia and peaches. You’re usually stuck there for a while.

♡- It tickles too. ALOT. You can’t help but wiggle in Wukong’s grasp as his fur brushes against your collarbone, which mildly annoys him. Just stay still for once! Not like you can help it anyways, with his superior physical strength; You’re basically forced to succumb to the torture.

♡- Grooming you isn’t a common occurrence, but he loves instead being groomed BY you. Will rest his head on your lap and just let you brush through his mane, or lay in between your legs as you untangle the knots that have been building up.

♡- This man will purr. Most of the time it’s quiet, but you can tell by the faint vibrations. Gets really fussy if you mention it to him though. Not like he even attempts to hold it in.

♡- Will discreetly give you his merch and overall memorabilia. Keychains? Slide them on your keys when you’re not looking. Shirts? Throw them in your closet.

♡- And when you actually wear them? Mann is he absolutely wrecked. Even if it’s just to sleep in, it makes him happy!

♡- It wouldn’t take him too long before he’d bring up the question he’s been waiting to ask. Impatience at its finest.

♡- It’d be after a long day of overall enjoying each other’s company. Whether it be a stroll, binging a show, overall nothing too grand; But comfortable— domestic.

“Sooo… how did I do?”

“What?”

“Courting you!”

“Oh.”

♡- You quickly pieced together that everything he’d been doing was all adding up to that. And surprisingly, you didn’t mind? It was just.. different.

“What’s courting to you, Wukong?”

♡- The rest of the night would be a long conversation, both of you comparing both human and demon courting rituals and such. Who knew it was so different! The two of you definitely had some research to do.

─────────────────

Hopefully this will suffice <3

#being absolutely milked dry here lol #no procrastination!!! YIPEE!!#even if I’m dead tired now #SO MANY REQUESTS #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #lmk x reader #sun wukong #lmk wukong #sun wukong x reader #wukong headcanons #I said noggin #TEEHEE

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expired-monster-craft-smp · 3 years ago

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Blooming Panic hcs because I have literal brain rot but barely any of these are serious and you can tell who are my favs

Xyx

- has no idea what a grilled cheese sandwich is

- like you and Toasty were talking about having them for lunch or something and he goes “what the fuck is a grilled cheese sandwich. Do you,,,,do you grill two slices of cheese and eat it???? Is it just burnt cheese?????”

- you and Toasty are confused too but not with the same thing

- “YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A GRILLED CHEESE IS???????” “no?????” “ARENT YOU A GROWN MAN YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS”

- despite being a lawyer, he doesn’t actually know a lot of basic things

- “wdym I cant put white clothes and coloured clothes in the washer together, they’re both clothes” “…how are you almost 30”

- the eyeliner he’s wearing is actually the same eyeliner he applied 2 years ago

- you know how some ppl go for the crusty emo look?? Yeah, he perfected it

- has never been in the closet, he came out the second he knew so he could make even more jokes

- he wears a fairly large shoe size so he constantly says shit like “well u know what they say about men with big feet😏” “Xyx I’m in the middle of a raid SHUT THE FUCK UP”

- dislikes ham for no reason in particular, he just thinks it’s weird

- used to play the knife game a lot. Like a concerning amount

- hates hair gel cause it makes his hair Crunchy but he has to clean up nicely for work so he sits there and wants to wash his hair so bad but he can’t cause then he just has a weird mullet thing

- has a tongue piercing

- even though he uses “lawyer” words and makes lawyer puns constantly, no one knew his career until he outright told them

- “yeah so im a lawyer” “YOURE A WHAT?? HOW ?!??” “WHO THE FUCK USES THE WORDS PERJURY AND LIBEL IN NORMAL CONVERSATIONS???” “IDK ONION??” “okay fair u got me with that one”

- because only you and Toasty (started having voice calls after Xyx shared his face) have heard his voice, no one else in the server has any idea he’s Not American so they assume he’s American

- likes fairy bread. Like a lot. Maybe too much.

- no literally sometimes it’s all he eats for days. Every single meal it’s just. Fairy bread.

- he flusters so easy whenever someone is being genuine like you can say you want to peg him or smthin and he’ll flirt right back but if you tell him you want to cup his face oh so gently and kiss him slowly he breaks

- well actually if you say you wanna peg him he’ll probably get flustered too but ignore that

- he’s double jointed

- eats whipped cream right out of the can

- has extra teeth from when he was younger and his teeth are also Very Sharp

- makes fun of Toasty for having a peanut allergy

- “I thought u were fruity Toast, why can’t u handle nut?“ “for the love of god please stop” “…do u need to bring an epipen when u suck someone off” “STOP OMG WHAT IS WITH U TODAY” “wdym I’m like this everyday”

- always uses the perfect amount of cologne it’s terrifying, it’s never too much or too little

- got his appendix removed and needed his tonsils removed too but he wanted to keep them so they had to sedate him

- he was Not pleased

NakedToaster

- as implied earlier, they are allergic to peanuts

- he thinks they’re gross anyways so he doesn’t care really

- forgets that they’re really tall sometimes and smacks his head on shit constantly

- “hey, have you seen m- FUCKING SHIT. OW” “…u good???” “Yea sorry I threw my noggin’ into my doorframe again”

- references vines to an unhealthy extent. Even the rare ones that only he seems to know about

- they say the reference out loud and laugh but since no one else knows it they think they’ve just gone fucking crazy

- “ya know, like that one vine?” “No, no we don’t know”

- likes cheez-its but only after 1 am

- half Polish, 1/4 Estonian, 1/4 Russian

- why? Because they look so slavic it hurts and because I said so, fuck you

- likes cheese so fucking much it’s actually disgusting

- lactose intolerant

- only instrument he knows how to play is the fucking accordion but he doesn’t want to admit that so they just say they don’t know how to play any instruments

- avid reptile enjoyer, active amphibian hater

- stoner

- it just makes him feel weightless and warm and dizzy in such a good way so they smoke often but they prefer edibles, especially sweet ones

- gets super soft spoken and cuddly and sweet when high like the best way I can describe it is like subspace and it’s the cutest thing the World

- fairly good singer, often does little duets with Xyx when it’s late and they’re both inebriated in some way

- little spoon (I’m right about this)

- will wear the cat ears he bought as a joke for $20 or more

- probably plays League and mains Machine Herald

- “haha funny machine Russian man says the funny machine Russian man things that’s so silly of him”

- easiest person to fluster, you can say anything to them and he will turn bright red and stutter

- “your hair looks so cute today toasty :)” “hhhhhhhhthank u…”

- favourite drink is apple juice or warm apple cider

- actually has three monitors not two but the third one is only used to display a picture of big Marty at all times

- first time you saw it you broke down laughing and worried him because you looked like you weren’t properly breathing

- they probably have asthma

- got pneumonia once because he was too focused on final fantasy to take care of himself

- Toasty is actually autistic, this is true they told me himself

Quest

- can be worse than even Xyx when it comes to dirty jokes, but most of the time he doesn’t even realize he made such jokes

- puts someone random in the JAIL role every Tuesday depending on how badly behaved you are during the week in the server

- Xyx and Nightowl get this role the most

- likes to paint on skin like he really enjoys painting things like landscapes on someone’s forearm or back or stomach

- has accidentally drunk paint water several times

- whenever he gets a cut or he’s bleeding somewhere, he sucks all the blood off and thinks its a little bit tasty

- “no wonder I get so many mosquito bites, I taste delicious :^D” “what did u just type…”

- hates graham crackers for literally no reason

- takes gym mirror pics and sends them in general chat because everyone thinks he’s really hot

- even BIGLADY keysmashes over the pics

- Quest knows what he’s doing with those okay, but he likes to act completely oblivious

“[pic sent] finished my workout for today! :^) a bit sweaty but feeling pretty good” “ALSJSJSHSHS daddy? Sorry. Daddy? Sorry.” “???? I know I’m like the server dad but what does that have to do with this??”

- good at poker, absolute garbage at blackjack

- only one other than Xyx to beat Onion at chess

- likes celery because of how crunchy it is he just munches on it all day long practically

- the other sever members make fun of him for it because they do not particularly favour celery

- his glasses are always so dirty

- doesn’t drink all that often but when he does it’s almost guaranteed he’ll get blackout drunk. Why?

- he’s a fucking lightweight. And it’s kinda sad how little it takes for him to get absolutely fucking hammered

- thinks fish are very interesting

- likes frogs :)

- this has lead to arguments between him and Toasty, the resident amphibian hater

- “frogs are awesome!! Theyre so cute and little!!” “Are u prepared to die for those opinions? Because frogs are dogshit and I stand by that” “@NakedToaster has been timed out for 5 hours”

- will have quiet/silent calls with Nightowl with some quiet lofi music in the background where Quest does his work and Nightowl does him homework

- Quest loves lofi music and I will die on this hill

- throughly enjoys building 3D models of things

- probably the reason half the server has a praise kink and it’s completely by accident

- somehow always wins at Rock Paper Scissors??? No one knows how he does it

Nightowl

- has mild deuteranomaly (red green colourblindness type where they can usually see most shades of green)

- it’s not usually an issue though tbh and it doesn’t come up much for him in his day to day life

- hates apples and but loves apple slices

- uses kid toothpaste because he hates minty toothpaste

- used to have braces and would change the colour of the bands literally every appointment

- sucks at chess but dominates at checkers like he’s so fucking good at checkers

- has eaten a glass marble once and hasn’t seen it since

- has hundreds of tiktok drafts and most of them are thirst traps

- once super glued his hand to a wall and the fire department was in fact called

- has bpd but has never gotten treatment because he doesn’t know what it is and his mom talks shit about mental health stuff so he never even thought about going to therapy

- owns an Xbox 360 and plays it frequently

- has a massive scar on his thigh from attempting and failing at climbing a tree when he was younger

- is the reason why there is a “horny jail” role on the server

- listens to Kpop and tries to get the others into it the way Toasty tries to get ppl to play final fantasy

- tried sharpening his teeth with a nail file before and his dentist has been suspicious of him ever since

- “your teeth look sharper than they did the last time you were here” “haha that’s crazy…anyway-“ “🤨”

- has dyed his hair every colour of the rainbow but eventually got too tired of the upkeep and stopped

- his favourite snack are gushers

- has an Instagram account where he posts his art and has like 200K+ followers on it

- he wants an eyebrow piercing so bad but thinks it would look weird on him but the second that anyone would suggest it he would cave immediately and get one

- likes bang energy drinks, favourite is the cotton candy flavour

- has mixed bang with vodka once and lets just say he never did it again

- surprisingly steady hands

- really good with kids!!! He loves them so so much and they love him back!!! Used to babysit for family friends and family

- kind of a picky eater

- likes to dip his fingers in candle wax to make a little wax tower and then when it gets to be pretty tall he pops it off, lets it melt, and does it again

- he’s god at math but he’s kinda bad at reading because he’s severely dyslexic

- wears gold shimmer eyeshadow and puts on eyeliner everyday no matter what

- uses tone tags and has learned to ask for clarification when he’s confused about the tone of a sever message

#blooming panic xyx #blooming panic #bp xyx #blooming panic toasty #bp toasty #blooming panic nightowl #blooming panic quest #bp nightowl #bp quest #blooming panic hcs #bp hcs #xyx #toasty

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signifying-something · 4 years ago

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Artemis Fowl: Animated Bloopers

So a couple weeks ago on the Artemis Fowl Incident Report Discord server ( @artemis-fowl-incident-report ), the brilliant @brekkie-bing had an amazing idea. Like how The Lion King and Brother Bear had animated bloopers in the post-credit scenes, she wondered what that would be like if we ever had an animated Artemis Fowl movie or tv series. That is where the greatest, most stupendous chain of ideas was birthed~~

SO MY SWEET PEEPS!! I present to y’all a whole host of bloopers me and a number of other people came up with, and feel free to reblog your own or even draw some of them!! As the great Super Mario says, LETSAGOO!!

Mulch is about to blow a big one, but it just comes out as a squeak

Foaly’s got a scene with a long rant in it, but he keeps jumbling up his words and they do about 76 takes to get it right

Holly writing “Fresh AF” in white marker on Artemis’ sunglasses, when he puts them on in a high tension scene you can here the whole crew in the background laughing

A phone goes off during filming. The ringtone is Madonna’s ‘Papa Don’t Preach’. The phone is Butler’s...

The camera pans on Holly eating some vole curry on set without realising her it’s her scene, her eyes widen as she’s like “OH CRAP ARE WE SHOOTING?”

Holly and Artemis goofing around during the punch take

Holly actually punches him super hard and he’s out cold

Artemis cracking up when he fumbles a line. Like, the voice actors just messing up and taking the piss

That one scene is Book One where Angeline has a weird homemade mannequin thing dressed as Artemis Fowl Senior, and the head just rolls off mid take and everyone bursts out laughing. Artemis is hands on knees screaming at the floor in laughter.

Juliet and Holly strutting and posing in the dressing room with Butler filming them

A full on argument between Argon and Cumulus which slowly delves into insulting each other

When they print out the first translation: “This...is [censor bleep]” cue laughter behind the camera

Julius roots cigar being too strong and he just chokes on the smoke for a painful five minutes while the crew hold in their laughter

Artemis struggles saying ‘I don’t like lollipops’ with a straight face

Footage of the troll fight without audio mixing so it's just Butler grunts and plate mail noises

Holly filming Artemis getting make up done on set

Artemis, glaring: I bet you won't release footage of your hair and makeup getting done

Holly does anyways

He’s getting some face powder on his noggin and Holly warns; “If that stuff gets on my hand when I punch you..”

Artemis, constantly: What's my line? I have so many words.

Artemis: I read the script but it’s all just words

Artemis:...*sigh* LINE???

When they finish a take they all just start dancing randomly cause thank god Artemis finally got his line out

Like Artemis walks into the room all intimidating and then he just stands there and he’s like “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing”

Artemis: L

Juliet: If you say line again I will throw one of the gold bars at you

Like Holly’s just watching and waiting awkwardly

Artemis: And this vial uh contains...llll

Butler: *glaring*

Artemis: llllemonade

Artemis running lines off camera and he's great and intimidating and subtle when he actually knows the words

When the director asks if everyone’s good on lines and they all know the questions for Artemis so they all just look at him

Artemis: Do you people understand how many words this is? This is approaching Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead levels of words

He has to pay up for every fudged line and every time they laugh or have a blank moment

Holly has a swear jar and Artemis has a "line?" jar

Artemis assuming it’s Holly’s line and he’s staring at her and she’s like “BRO ITS YOU”

Holly: That's a quarter in the jar

Artemis: THAT DOES NOT COUNT, I DID NOT SAY IT

Grub juggling the bars of gold cause they’re made of styrofoam and one of them hits trouble

Juliet accidently wacks someone else with her jade ring and she just goes "Oh god. I'm so sorry" repeatedly

Julius and Holly can’t stop laughing when he’s yelling at her

Holly doing the flying into scene and she trips while knocking over the props

Maybe a really heart warming scene where Holly catches Artemis playing Moonlight Sonata on the piano and secretly films him in his element

Mulch’s jaw gets stuck and he’s like “no guys I’m serious I can’t shut my mouth” Holly being like “well there’s a first”

Mulch hides food on set like RDJ during Avengers

Mulch would eat all the food and Holly would go "Goddamnit Mulch, why are you like this."

They come off set to get lunch. Food? Gone

Redoing takes because Mulch has cream cheese on his face

Inexplicably, it's always cream cheese

Even when they don't have any on set

Camera zooms in randomly on someone zoning out and making weird faces as they wait

The fairies being so short that the boom mic comes so low down in shots and it gets really annoying for everyone

Butler like Mufasa getting his voice pitch right as the audio rolls

Foaly: Uhh line? Sorry, it's a really wordy scene

Artemis: So it's okay when he does it?

Foaly: I don't call line nearly as much as you do. Aren't you supposed to be a genius?

Artemis: Aren't you?

Butler: Artemis, remember who you are

Butler: Artemis, I am your father

Juliet: Hell yeah you are

Thank you so much to my peeps who contributed: @brekkie-bing @pokegeek151 @the-local-bookworm and everyone on the discord server who was with us during those crazy, like, 15 minutes.

Once again, feel free to reblog and add your own or even draw some of these out! (Low-key looking at you; @brekkie-bing @iesnoth @hop-a-lot @fowlblue @popsicle-stick @blackhollyshort @talesoftales and all you beautiful artists...pwetty pwease 👉🏽👈🏽)

Have fun darlings!

#artemis fowl #eoin colfer #holly short #butler artemis fowl #foaly #juliet butler #mulch diggums #domovoi butler #artemis fowl memes #artemis fowl headcanon #artemis fowl fanart #artemis fowl fanfic #myles fowl #beckett fowl #fowldom #orion fowl

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old-soviet · 4 years ago

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Brosten Pt. 2

my Brosten post has been getting a lot of love lately and i just wanted to say thank you, so i decided to write another one!! anyway I hope you enjoy it!

Matt and Neil can both speak Spanish

instead of using it to talk shit, they just say absolute nonsense to each other

Nicky always acts like they’re saying super offensive or petty shit

he’ll gasp dramatically and it just eggs them on

they drink from each other’s cups and water bottles and eat from each other’s plates all the time

everyone else thinks it’s absolutely disgusting

“you didn’t even ask...”

��i don’t have to ask??”

they go tailgating to other PSU sporting events in Matt’s truck, bringing along whoever is in the mood for hotdogs and busch lite

Matt teaches Neil how to throw a football, and they like to hang out at the park on the rare occasion that they have some downtime

Matt constantly has food for Neil in his bag, like little packets of fruit snacks or granola bars

Neil invites Matt to come running with him, and even though Matt doesn’t think he’ll like it, he agrees bc Neil thought of him and wants to hang out with him

he actually ends up really enjoying it, and Neil slows his pace way down to stay next to Matt

once Matt builds up his endurance they actually talk while running

Matt likes to say whatever pops into his brain, like he has no filter, and most of the time the completely random things he says just make Neil cry-laugh

Neil has a twitter account called shit-my-dad-says and it’s all the random nonsense that Matt says on a daily basis

it has over 500,000 followers

when Matt graduates, he continues to text Neil the funniest, randomest shit and Neil posts screenshots

(Dan has a similar account called shit-my-work-husband-says and posts the absolutely horrible one-liners he says to her. it gets almost as popular as Neil’s account)

they know how to make each other laugh so hard they can’t breathe

once Neil becomes more comfortable with affection, they say “love you” to each all the time.

at the end of phone, during practice, whenever the one of them does something small but sweet for the other

Matt makes Neil watch finding nemo with him, and from then on they constantly do the “gimme some fin. gimme some noggin. duuuude.”

they watch TLC shows together

90 day fiance, say yes to the dress, Darcey and Stacey

they like to yell at the TV

which is why they also watch bad horror movies together

when they get older and Neil and Andrew make Court, Dan and Matt take their kids to the summer Olympics every four years to watch them play

Neil makes the first exy game of the season for every single one of Dan and Matt’s kids, and the first basketball game of the season for their youngest who doesn’t play exy

Neil is the best man when Dan and Matt get married

he tells stories about them and about how much they love each other

he doesn’t get too sappy, but at the end he says, “Matt, you were the first person on the team to trust me and help me without wanting anything in return. I know the love you have for me is only a fraction of the love you have for Dan, so I know that you’re marriage is going to be unshakable. Here’s to forever.”

Matt cries and Dan beams

they name their first child David Abram Boyd (Matt says it’s because those names are significant but Dan says it’s because the initials spell DAB)

they are the brothers they never had

Note: the author of this post now posts on @soviet-whale

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remakethestars · 4 years ago

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CABIN 4 — DEMETER

Headcanons.

❝Hell yeah, I’m a botanist! Fear my botany powers!❞

— Mark Watney, The Martian

Headcanon masterlist.

A lot of their dads/parents are farmers & gardeners.

Bonsai trees.

People expect them to be all save the bees!, but actually, honey bees in America are an invasive species brought over by the colonists & are slowly taking over the other polinators, so f*ck bees.

C4 works together with C10 (Aphrodite) kids, who can intuitively understand the language of flowers, to provide flowers for funterals & the like.

They maintain all the plants around camp & keep the grass growing short so they don’t need to mow it.

They're constantly stealing sediment, sand, & pebbles from the canoe lake for their jarrariums.

C4's also host to a number of ecosystem jars.

Legend has it the one by the stained glass window is from before the American Civil War & has never been opened or watered.

Some of them carry those leaf bags — you know, like the mini rucksacks with the leaf flap over the opening — that C20 kids spell with undetectable extension charms that make them bigger on the inside or able to hold whatever's placed inside & maintain a light weight.

If they go on a quest, they look like something out of a tabletop R.P.G.

Plants are more fun to be around than people. At least they don't judge you.

Some of the C4 kids are into pottery; they like making their own pots for their plants.

C4 has a moss roof & pristine flowerbeds.

Ivy climbs up the sides.

The cabin's on the ground, but it's like one big tree house.

There's a tree growing unperturbed directly in the center. The hardwood floor is cut around it to accommodate, & so is the roof. Limbs sprout through the walls.

I imagine it as a maple tree. I also think it's huge because it thrives off the C4 kids.

Two stories.

The second story has a giant, stained glass window that shows a wheat field & farm with a line of trees in the distance.

Both stories have a door on the back wall that leads to the green house (also two stories). On the bottom floor, the hardwood turns to brick, & on the top floor, the hardwood turns to rougher wood like what is used in the loft of a barn.

On either side of the door, there are shelves upon shelves of books on farming, plants, & critters.

While most of the cabins used footlockers & trunks, C4 is partial to chests. Usually from redwood.

Absolutely hate tree topping — you know, when the people that maintain the power lines come along & cut off the tops of the tree. Without bark on the top, water runs down inside the tree, causing it to rot &, well, die.

They came to my grandma's door once, like, Hey, is it cool if we top your tree? And she was like, No, but you can cut around your lines if you have to. And they were like, Why not? And they didn't believe her when she told them the tree would die, but it did anyway.

Now every time we drive past a topped tree, I can feel the silent judgement. Like, whelp, that’s not gonna be there much longer.

C4 used to grow all of C.H.B.'s vegetables & the like by way of aquaponics system.

You may be thinking — Demeter? Fish? But hear me out. Now, the reason I don’t believe in hydroponic systems is because they don't use fish, which just makes the vegetables taste like water. Aquaponic systems, to contrast, use fish waste to fertilize the soil, which makes the vegetables taste like vegetables (& presumably provide more nutrients).

You know my great grandma abhorred the idea of using cow manure to fertilize her garden because she didn’t want to eat poop-food? Well, I think poop-food tastes better.

Anyway, when you grow one crop over & over again in the same spot, it depletes the soil of the nutrients those crops need to grow — it’s called monocropping — & it forces the farmer to rely on putting things into the soil themselves — no one cares about that. To summarize, farmers rotate the crops to keep the soil rich (though I can never remember what goes in which field for how long).

After Percy came to camp (& had a conniption), C4 switched from aquaponics to crop rotation.

They also irrigate the soil with ollas.

Ollas are unglazed clay pots buried with the plants that can be filled with water. They're porous, so the water seeps into the soil over time & keeps your plants hydrated.

Farmers today use drip systems & such because they (& their "experts" — my grandma hates that word) think they know better than ancient peoples, but those systems clog & the water's more prone to evaporation.

Sorry for the agriculture brain-barf. I'm from a family of farmers; I like to think I know my sh¡t when it comes to plants. My grandma says I used to know the name of every plant & flower on our property when I was little. Maybe I should be from C4 instead of C7…

I fancast Alex Kingston as Demeter. She has that certain je ne sais quoi.

Visit my Demeter cabin Pinterest board or my headcanon masterlist.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ These headcanons are what I consider to be canon in my fanfictions. They may be others’s headcanons I’ve subconsciously filed away in my noggin. If one’s yours and you want it removed or credited, please send me your post and let me know.

#Demeter #Demeter kids #Demeter cabin #children of Demeter #headcanons #headcannons #Percy Jackson #PJO #HOO #remakethestars #agriculture #gardening #plants

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sinkix · 4 years ago

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~ Haikyuu!! Boys baking with reader - Ft. Ushijima, Tendou, Oikawa, Hinata & Nishinoya ~

YO! SO UHHHH... I’M BACK??? I GUESS?? MAYBE??? After a little break I had this in my drafts for a while and realllyyy wanted to complete it since it’s such a cute concept. Honestly at this point my posting frequencies are so sporadic and random pls forgive me lmao.

@deathcab4daddy gave me the inspo to include Ushi and it was so funny coming up with ideas for him, he is no.1 country boi chef

Dude I’m listening to the Mario Kart soundtrack ‘Coconut Mall’ while I continue writing this someone save me. Like u think I’m joking. UR WRONG.

Ushijima:

The most straightforward yet idiotic baker you will ever come across.

Before you even THINK about performing step 1, he will read the entire fucking leaflet like it’s a Shakesperean monologue.

INGREDIENTS INCLUDED.

LIKE SIS I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW IT CONTAINS MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE THANK YOU.

I’m surprised he doesn’t count every single particle in the brownie mix.

You bought him a frilly cupcake-printed apron stating ‘best wife’ not expecting him to actually wear it

But since he’s secretly a big softie and treasures anything you buy he wears it proudly.

His stoic and dignified disposition is a comical contrast to the words printed on the front lmao.

Ushi best wifey bro.

The tight fit of the apron is pretty hot since it outlines every ridge of his pecs and tightly toned torso.

Gotta resist groping your mans while stirring the brownie batter.

tbh he’s more likely to grope you, he can’t resist that a$$.

And let’s face it he’s def an ass/thigh kinda guy.

Can and will try to casually initiate some form of unholy activities by lifting you up onto the kitchen counter, goading you to slowly lick the spoon and locking gazes before pulling you in for a deep, open-mouthed kiss to get a taste of the incomplete creation himself.

Ushi’s lips and brownie batter are a knock-out combo js.

Literally has the most serious face when he’s cracking the eggs into the bowl

The amount of concentration is equivalent to that of when he’s performing a serve at match-point.

HAS to set the temperature to the EXACT degree stated on the box

Everything is done by the book if you do one thing out of place he will pull you up on it lol.

“(Y/N) you were supposed to stir it for 5 minutes, not 7.”

When its done you feed him some and he can’t help but smile its so ADORBALE AHHH.

You end up eating most of it since Ushi doesn’t strike me as much of a chocolate/junk food lover.

STILL A VERY FUN BUT F R U S T R A T I N G EXPERIENCE.

Tendou:

The complete opposite of Ushi

Does everything wrong and the unconventional way.

Absolute disaster but doesn’t even sweat it since Tendou basically thrives in chaos and the disorderly.

To him instructions are purely equivocal, will read them for five seconds then toss them away.

Step aside Gordon Ramsey, Chef Tendou is here.

Despite doing everything the unorthodox way it still comes out amazing.

Like??? how???

Will cheekily place a dollop batter on your nose then lick it off fh3jkeffefds

Or if he’s feelin’ a lil freaky, he’ll swipe it off with his long ass finger and make you suck it clean, smirking at your submission as you coat his finger with your saliva.

oop-

Constantly cracking jokes and shitty food puns, pretending to drop the bowl to make you go into preemptive cardiac arrest before you can swat him with the spatula.

While you’re waiting for the timer to ping, Satori being the schemer he is will use this as an opportunity to pull some fuckery and tease you in any way he can.

u better be praying like bodhisattva TanaNoya rn because he is MERCILESS.

Suggestive comments, the brush of his fingers against your thigh, it’ll leave you A C H I N G in frustration by the end of it.

Unholy activities aside, once your baking session is completed you finish it off by feeding PHAT forkfuls of brownie to each other and giggling like dorks when it gets all over your mouth.

The jackass actually got a fingerful and SMEARED it over your cheek and forehead, drawing a little cross and snickering when the crumbs fall onto your nose.

Tendou was smart to draw a cross bc he gonna need jesus with the ATTACK you launch on him after that, which promptly leads to an all out food war in your kitchen that neither of you want to clean up after ward.

Don’t worry though it’s Tendou, he’ll somehow find a way to make such a mundane activity fun.

Nishinoya:

stirs WAY TOO VIOLENTLY

IT’S LIKE AN ELECTRIC WHISK ON OVERDRIVE.

IT WILL SPLATTER OVER THE COUNTER, CUPBOARDS AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR WITHIN A 1 MILE RADIUS.

You best believe he will try and eat some of the batter and you have to swat the spoon away from his mouth since he has NO REGARD FOR THE FACT HE COULD GET SALMONELLA.

Plus you know what Noya’s like once he starts eating something the whole thing will be gone in a matter of milliseconds.

He somehow managed to get Baking powder EVERYWHERE and even gave him self a little moustache with it.

The white substance kinda looked like something else but you didn’t really wanna say lmaooo.

could explain why he has so much energy all the time oK ILL STOP-

While you’re putting the mix on the tray he is SO extra and will do fancy lil swirls and over extend his arm like a swan to gracefully spread the batter

until he nearly fucking knocks it over.

During processing time since he is so excitable and impatient you best believe he’s gonna suggest a game of ping pong or something because my guy can well and truly never sit still.

ping pong match with the spatulas, kitchen island and a hard boiled egg.

Pls be careful he will rolling thunder that egg and pimp slap it so hard with the spatula it’ll damn near give you a concussion, not intentionally, but like protect your noggin. Wear a helmet.

For the remaining 5 minutes of baking time y’all just sit like kids in front of the oven and watching it rise like starved hyena’s observing it’s pray before demolishing it into sad particles of cocoa.

And lemme tell u, once the timer pings, that baking tray is free real estate for Noya. Half of your creation will be devoured before you can even put it on a plate and marvel at your handiwork.

He kicked your ass at spatula ping pong btw I’m sorry sweaty but short kings stay winning.

Oikawa:

Such a dramatic bitch like he got the whole she-bang going on.

Strapped with a pink apron, a whisk at his side and standing proudly with both hands on his hips.He is prepared like a greek gladiator going into battle.

You better believe he gonna make some snarky remarks and tease your method of doing things.

“Ah-ah-ahhh (Y/N)-chan you’re doing it all wrong, let me show you how a PRO does it.”

Proceeds to drop entire bowl on his foot and yelp like a little girl in pain.

Well and truly embarrassed with himself, you put a band-aid on his toe and he piped down after that.

Shattered big toe and mixing bowl aside, actually a really good baker??

He is a PRO at decorating, y’all decided on cupcakes since its literally his forte to make them look aesthetic and pretty.

You almost don’t wanna eat them from how good they look.

jk almost

You take it in turns breaking bits off and placing pieces into each others mouth with a loud “aaaaaahhh!”

Places a piece in your mouth, leans forward and locks lips with you in a soft, passionate kiss before pulling away and uttering the words “It tastes even better coming from your mouth ;)”

hnnnNNGGGGGGggGg.

You both whine and bicker over who cleans up after.

“You cleaaannnnn!”

“no Toru YOU clean!”

“but I made the cupcakes look pretty :(”

“not as pretty as you <3″

He did the cleaning after that.

Like just stroke his ego with some compliments and he’s whipped with a smug grin on his face for the next 30 minutes.

You decide to save the rest and bring them to his next practise.

Literally on the verge of tears when he sees you beaming and holding the platter of treats, Kiyotani mauls half of them in a matter of seconds to which Oiks gets salty over LMAO.

Hinata:

So excited oh my god he’s so precious please protect him I will CRY-

Has a little sunflower apron on and JBJKNDDDKDW IM SMILING JUST IMAGINING HIM FIDGETING IN EXCITEMENT OVER THE THOUGHT OF BAKING COOKIES.

Yes you decided on cookies bc he goes rabid for some choc chip biccies.

You have to guide him v carefully because of how easily confused and clumsy he is.

Cannot for the life of him crack the eggs without getting a quarter of the shell in the bowl so you have to do it instead.

Has a surprising amount of strength and forearm power bc holy shit boy can stir FAST.

Hums a little tune while he does it and bobs up and down with a wide grin on his face it’s so adorable, he has such a gentle singing voice I can’t-

Attempts different shapes with the batter when pouring it onto the tray but fails pretty miserably lol.

he tried ok???

Once they’re done he takes the tray out of the oven and since it was heavy, subconsciously propped it with his knee and nearly dropped the entire tray from the pain. (I’ve actually done this before when making chicken nuggets I do not advise being that brain dead)

Had to put some burn cream on the bbies knee :’((

When you decided to dig in, he handed you a cookie that looked like a crooked circle and said he tried to make that one a heart and insisted he feed it to you.

Blushed VERY hard at the moment of silence and intense eye contact while he fed it to you.

Nearly short circuited when his fingers brushed against your lips.

Moe moe x100000000000000000000000000000

You offer to do the cleaning after because he hurt himself and you didn’t wanna make him do any work, but he still offered to wipe the surfaces for you bc he’s an angel <333

literally just wanna marry him.

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