#they weren't even *that* expensive
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the only part time job I actually wanted
#p5r#persona#art tag#it's tough being the main breadwinner for the phantom thieves#he's doing his best but gear is expensive#and he probably has a crane game addiction#i hope it looks ok bc it looks a bit blurry when i go to upload#ryuji posts it to the group chat and akechi leaves immediately#also idk how to draw renren without glasses#he doesnt even look like the same person#though i guess that is lowkey the point#lmao i keep changing what i call him#ok maybe he's happy to go by both akira and ren#my original line for mishima was less pathetic#but i had to do my boy justice and make him sound a bit more like a loser (affectionate)#if atlus weren't cowards they'd let the boys wear maid dresses and the girls wear butler outfits
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'We all yearn for the woods. That's why every fellow on this island wants to settle down near a tree - just one will do.'
#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bsd fanart#it's dazai day!!#i wish this insufferable fictional man weren't so beloved to me#but as somebody plagued by silly brain issues he is oddly comforting and makes me feel less alone#and bsd introduced me to actual dazai osamu whose writing is honestly groundbreaking to me and i've barely even scratched the surface#it's something about the confluence of humour and tragedy... the desire to exist to bring joy to others at the expense of one's own#i feel like asagiri imparted this notion well onto bsd dazai - i know a lot of people dislike dazai and question his motivations#but i have faith in him and believe he's pursuing good#anyway excuse the ramble! the caption is from dazai's short story 'monkey island'! thank you to my dear partner for finding it for me!!#i'm really very happy with how this piece turned out - i wanted to depict bsd dazai but really pay suitable homage to his namesake#it's been a while since i've had fun drawing but this one and other recent pieces this month have really brought me back into it#happy birthday dazai#botanautical
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Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.
In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.
Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.
I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.
This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.
And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.
See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.
And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?
I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.
I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.
I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).
Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.
Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.
We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.
Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.
Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?
Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??
Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!
So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?
#byler#no but most of the gay subtext is just so like... you really didn't have to do all that?#gay subtext at the expense of realism? check#mike thinks he's helping el by not breaking her heart and just being with her despite feelings for will he can't deny#very reminiscent of mike's 'maybe you thought you were helping but you weren't. you hurt me! what you did sucks!'#i do think it would be epic too see that moment come full circle but with el saying it to mike this time#bc i'm sure el would much rather have her heartbroken finding out that mike is incapable of loving her romantically#than to find out he was with her bc he didn't want to hurt her even at the expense of his own happiness#like no one wants to have someone be with them out of pity or obligation#we want someone to love us truly and deeply and genuinely!#we see how much el struggles in s4 bc of all the hints she's getting from mike that he doesn't genuinely love her#bc that's the most important part of a romantic relationship#it being equal#and it didn't feel that way#sure she's gonna be pissed#but she's gonna be more pissed he wasn't just honest#friends don't lie obvs
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I'm about halfway to two thirds through You Feel It Just Below the Ribs, and asdjasdlkajsadjal
The reveals, the implications, I can't even - mentally I'm rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth. I want to go back and listen to season 3 and season 1 all over again, holy shiiiiit
#viv18chatter#within the wires#you feel it just below the ribs#bless my library for having such a great collection#did not expect to find a book written for an alternative history podcast in its repertoire#but have it they did! all three versions I might add - physical digital and audio#anyways point is shit is really coming out now and I am loving the fictional tea#both from the ''actual'' autobiography and the side implications of the footnotes and interludes#well in between wanting to shake the fictional authors of said footnotes and interludes lol#''edited for clarity'' edited HOW? Was the writing smudged or otherwise unclear and you made your best guess?#did you change words around that YOU thought didn't make sense?#TELL ME WHAT WAS EDITED DAMMIT#and that's not even getting into the VERY opinionated footnotes and interludes#I know it would be expensive and tricky to make#but man I would love if the authors were able to make a special edition of this book#that looked like the actual manuscript#or like ... the one that was released in-universe that was being beta'd by the publishers - so we see the handwritten pages with smudges#the faded typewriter pages#with the publishers notes etc all over it#oooh stretch goal of the internal communications while going over the manuscript would prbably be a fun aside too#sometimes I wonder if there weren't multiple people making footnotes (though only one making the interludes I think)#because sometimes they vary quite wildly in tone#that could just be situational of course#but still#interesting thoughts
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I was going to make my next politics post about Project 2025 and its likelihood of trying to ban fic in the US but then I saw this and fuck it, we're talking about this right now.
Not sure whether my Jewish alarm bells or history person alarm bells are ringing louder, but this is getting really scary. This is Nazi shit. Full-tilt unabashed Nazi rhetoric. He's talking about assigning people numbers and putting them on buses in massive groups. He wants to do it with violence. With the Supreme Court the way it is right now, he could do it. He can kill people with impunity, as long as he's doing it as President. That is the current law.
If you can vote in this election, you need to vote for Harris. Whether you like her or not, she is not using Nazi rhetoric and elevating admitted Nazis (*cough* Robinson in North Carolina *cough*). She is the only one with a shot at victory.
We need to stop this man. If that means making a pragmatic move and voting for someone you detest on some issues but who is not going to assign humans serial numbers and round them up into detention camps bloodily---fucking pinch your nose and do it.
Take it from someone who has to spend a large portion of their week reading history studies...history will not remember your supposed reason for not voting. You will be remembered as a Trump supporter, because you supported Trump.
Tldr: We need to stop this man in this election. Vote for Harris.
#politics#us politics#donald trump#harris 2024#harris walz 2024#election 2024#immigration#alarm bells#I'm so fucking serious guys#I have had it up to here with “both sides” bullshit#Looking at you Chappell Roan#how the fuck does someone say their top issue is trans rights and then BOTH SIDES the election#but that's besides the point#I try not to get negative because it doesn't work to convince people but at this point I don't care#And if you don't like this then block me#if you're protest voting you're just willing to kill a bunch of other innocent people who didn't agree to be a part of this for your cause#I'm so tired of this purity politics bullshit#That is what primaries are for---the left gets to put its candidates through a gauntlet and pick our specialest little choice THEN#This election is literally Nazi vs. NOT A NAZI#How are we actually close to fumbling this#There is no being a single issue voter here#Even if you aren't convinced to vote for Harris because she wants a ceasefire and Trump wants to complete a genocide#Protest voting on one issue means a giant fuck you to everyone except the absolute most privileged white cishet men#And as Michelle Obama said--we simply do not have time for that kind of foolishness#Start bullshit in the notes and you get blocked#I am not debating someone who has already made up their minds to be self-righteous and short-sighted at the expense of everyone around them#I will just say that the leopards will eventually eat your face too---and you can't say you weren't warned
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Still packing stuff and now i'm looking for a box for this.
My dad and i made it a few years ago for halloween, probably 2015/16 if i'm remembering right. It's made from a lays can, a wipes container from his work, and paper maché. I don't remember what the wires and front metal bits are from, but the middle actually lights up! It has one of those long battery-powered emergancy lights in it and some colored tissue paper
#lee rambles#I gotta fix the metal bits on the front#they keep coming out of place and drooping down. maybe some hot glue'll work since i don't want to melt the styrofoam under the paper#I went as Chell that year#with a shitty handmade Aperature Science shirt lol#Also as a sidenote since i'm already talking a bunch in the tags#I have no idea if we're actually going to be able to afford to move or not#so we're kinda thinking about staying where we are and seeing how things go over the next few years#i know it's in my dad's will to sell but with how expensive rentals are i doubt we'd be able to afford 2k+ a month on top of our other bills#I just hope my Uncle doesn't give us too much shit about it. We didn't get much from the life insurances he had#definitely not enough to live on for long on its own#but 800 a month for the house is a lot more doable than 2000#we don't want to end up having to kill ourselves working just to make ends meet. That's probably what would happen if we moved#i dunno#just... thinking a lot about the future. I honestly hope we stay#It'd get rid of a lot of stress if we stayed. We'd still get rid of a bunch of things but... it'd be easier.#We weren't even really allowed to grieve. once the funeral was over we just had to start packing our lives away.#i'm a little bitter about it really. They've gotten to grieve and be away from the situation. We've had to be there the whole time.#We might've all been there the day he passed but they weren't there for his bad days. They weren't there helplessly watching as he slowly#got more and more tired. and sick. and depressed.#I don't know what we're going to do.#I didn't mean for this to turn all venty. sorry about that if you've read this far
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Buy me a coffee
THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR LIKE TWO HOURS ASKING FOR THINGS IS LITERALLY MY WORST FEAR BUT FUCK IT WE BALL
my mum could really use £30-40 for groceries. We've spent a lot of money fixing stuff this month like replacement pipes and central heating (that really should be our landlord's responsibility..). She only has £150 left but we've still got bills to pay later this month so not much to spend on food and other necessities. Universal credit + her wage doesn't get paid until the end of the month (something is coming next week too but idr) 🥲
Usually we ask family and close friends for borrowing money but no one has been able to lend any aaa
No pressure to donate whatsoever — but if you have some extra money, any support would be greatly appreciated mwah <3
#minimum wage paired with her being a single parent and all that isn't really the best combination but eh#If it weren't for everything breaking at once I wouldn't have to ask#Anyway I need to shit on my landlord for a sec because I'm so pissed off#He doesn't fix anything (or at least takes a long time — he's been “fixing” our fence for thr past 4 years because its soo expensive and#otherwise he can't go on his quarterly holiday 🥺)#And he still has the audacity to raise rent every year when we've been renting for 10+ years now and never missed a payment#How do you go from £900 to £1500 a month for 2 bedrooms#We even pay a day in advance just in case something doesn't work or we can't pay later#But the one time she payed at 10 in the morning on the day he automatically started asking if its been transferred bc he can't see it#Even though its any time during the 24h and then the grace period#Its in the contract that YOU WROTE erm#Maybe stuff wouldn't be breaking all the time if you actually invested in high quality pieces#When we signed the first contract he literally bought the house 2 days prior and didn't renovate anything lmao#lasar being incoherent
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that feeling when you think about your life for more than 5 seconds and your eyes tear up<<<<<<<<<
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so uh. for anyone still looking at using cohost. they shared their March financial update.
they are, at best, four weeks from closing up shop and ceasing to exist. They may not be able to get emergency funding from their benefactor who they've been out of contact with for a while in time, and even if they do it just delays the inevitable.
Centralized social media is inherently expensive. Especially developing the software from scratch, and extra especially when one of your main devs is working on a different but mildly related project meant to be a better version of patreon and kofi. A good idea, but like.
you can barely develop and work on ONE platform to make it break even.
anyways. despite it's promise I cannot even think about suggesting cohost as an option. They've been in this "oh my god we're running out of money" situation for MONTHS now, this isn't a new "oh shit sudden expense" time. If they can't get money now, it's joever for cohost and ASSC.
#which SUCKS because I admire what they were trying to do#unfortunately they're inevitably proving a point: spinning up a new social media is so expensive that you have to exploit users#be it advertising or selling data#unless you want to get paid barely what your role is worth#personally I hate how much they dissed on volunteer labor (re: the fediverse) in their March financial update post#like. do they not know how the old web was funded? it was passion projects. done for the sake of hosting.#maybe they ran ads but ads then weren't garbage like today#(and even then user submitted ads are always an option)#the fediverse is generally run like the old web. but if the old web could talk to other parts.#volunteer run. paid for as a passion project. donations jars to help cover costs & as a nicety#if I ever run one for a community I'd only want to open up a donation box under very specific needs#and to see cohost be so dismissive of fedi as a concept just felt wrong.#it felt like a disrespect to the old web. to how we used to do things.#cohost fundamentally relied on the good grace of their proprietor to exist.
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Like class differences is always so painfully obvious to me at times...
#miranda talking shit#I know quite a bit of different people. I don't think I know anyone in “high” class where they're shitting money#But it's... Always a bit of an disconnect when talking about growing up with people that obviously had more money#I'm from an multi-generation low class family. I mean we always had enough to eat and never had to struggle to urvive in that sense#But we've always lived modest. Especially from my mom's side. And talking about growing up with similar peoples#Backgrounds is like ah yes you inherited toys and things from siblings. Didn't have expensive game consoles#But got to play them at friends house etc. Then you talk to someone who weren't in that corner and it's like#Uhhhh what you went on multiple vacations outside the country? You got expensive toys and elictrical things? Multiple? Huh? Uh...#My first and second phone were inherited from my older siblings#Hi I talked about... Child funds with Fabian and I was like oh... They invested your money so it grew nicely#Your starting amount was my final amount um...#It's a weird disconnect somehow. Can't describe it. Just like... Oh you basically got majority things you wanted as young?#I learned to not wish for much and settle... I learned to reuse items. I learned to save things to save a bit of money#I don't even think they were spoiled. There are definitely spoiled people but I do not think I know anyone like that#But it's so wild to hear... Oh your family own an vacation house by the coast? Um... We have one inland north which was#The first own land my grand grand parents saved up and bought and built an tiny cabin on um...
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forcing myself to do some stupid exercise even though i hate it because itll improve my dumbfuck mental health or whatever
#anime life#BOOO!!! HISS!!!!!#ive had absolutely no energy lately and my body hurts all the time#and PROBABLY working out will help#BUT I DONT WANNA#but i am#also re subscribed to pimsleur EVEN THOUGH ITS EXPENSIVE#AND IM BROKE AS SHIT#because i used to do my japanese lessons while exercising so they weren't so fucking boring
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Do NOT let me loose in a museum shop it does not end well
#at least for my wallet lol#they even had a tablet weaving set!! BUT the tablets weren't great quality so I'll get some better ones#foxy speaks#i so wanna weave my own blanket now btw#and i got a naalbinding needle!! from bone!#didn't buy any books yet because expensive but i wannaaaa#the divination stines were also VERY tempting even though I don't even believe in this stuff. but pretty#i did get myself two oretty bronze necklace hangers based on actual finds from viking graves so
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finished my soul hackers 2 replay yyayyy. i bought the story dlc and i liked the sidequests, the superboss was kinda disappointing though, not for gameplay, they were incredibly difficult, but like. i expected at least a little lore or nana involvement in the end and there was neither which was sort of odd.
#shitpost#i did like all the extra character moments for everyone and nana was great!#also i did like that it was strictly sidequests with a LITTLE connection to main plot but not much. a good way to do dlc#just WEIRD to me that the superboss was just like. here's parvati and shiva. here's ardha. like.#they're good bosses. again. the fight is really good. but they don't have any relevant world/lore dialogue at all which is just. odd.#a weird choice for like. the optional superboss. to just like.#it'd be like if lucifer was just some guy#or the angels in digital devil saga if they weren't. the angels. lol#also technically like they're included in the paid dlc which makes it. weirder? idk#soul hackers 2 dlc is way too expensive too tbh. idk why its like the cost of over half the maingame if you got all the dlc#which i did not#annoying for ME too because i got the physical collector's edition but that only came with the basegame#so this irritated me for awhile lol.#but i did like the story dlc. it was fun and added nice moments and some good challenging fights#im just confused why the superboss was so irrelevant#i LOVE sh2 though i love you figue forever#can't wait to play agian and finally play on new game plus#i know new game plus has some additional quests AND#MOST IMPORTANTLY. it has hang out events with figue#which i want so bad#also finishing the soul matrixes even tho those are not as big of a deal since there's no more story#just like unlocking the abilities and the dialogue from the abilities though is so fun#i love u soul hackers 2
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panic
#landlord wants to move us to a month to month lease and i am#losing my mind panicking#why would they do this if not to kick us out later#i can't afford to move#i. the deal here was so good. i won't be able to afford another place half as nice or big.#how will i do my business without the square footage? i can't afford a more expensive place. we'll never find somewhere this cheap.#this house is perfect. i love it. I've lived here almost 5 years. it's mine. it's perfect. i can't lose it#will i have to quit my business to get more hours at my day job?#can we offer to buy the house? is that feasible? is that even within the realm of possibility? will we have time to find a new place?#i don't want to move i have so much stuff#i hate moving i hate looking at new homes#what did we do wrong#weren't we model tenants?#i can't afford a new safety deposit#will i have to give up my plan of getting a new car? i just reached my savings goals for that#but if we don't get the safety deposit back here i don't know if i can afford a new one#oh god are we going to be homeless#I've taken my anxiety meds and they aren't hitting fast enough#I'm so scared#and I'm so tired. my fatigue is so bad this week. i feel so weak. my brain so fuzzy. how am i supposed to concentrate on anything#i need to answer my emails and i need to write a newsletter and I need to order supplies and yet#I'm back in bed sobbing and i can't think and I'm so scared#got my breathing under control a little but . fuck .#fuck.#fuck!#fuck my stupid baka life
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looking at the akudrive perfumes again today and 1. why are they all bergamot based. is bergamot and pepper just the cyberpunk scent???? 2. what is with the character choices. cutthroat, courier and hacker???? why not swindler
#akudama drive#you just know they weren't brave enough to make a sniper perfume#I kinda want the funeral scented cutthroat perfume#just to know what it would smell like#but reading the notes#tbh I think I'd actually hate it#and then it'd be a probably $200 waste#assuming I could even find a reseller that ships here#I think I'd enjoy the green tea one though#which would probably only be $100 total assuming that listing is still up by the time I have money#both versions of the bottle seem really fucking generic and boring though#like for expensive merch I'd want a cool bottle#portals perfume style except a really ugly statue of cutthroat's head 😍#anyways though. I guess I'll get the green tea one if possible#and sadly never know what a funeral smells like#I just. don't want to spend that much money and effort on a perfume I'd probably hate the smell of#I just hate florals and wood scents like that#I like more sweet or gourmand stuff
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how is my friend's baby 12 days overdue and didn't come during the massive blizzard we had yesterday
#the entire town and most of the state had no power#the roads were basically impassable everywhere#thats exactly when you expect a baby to come esp if he's overdue#like he was WAITING for the blizzard#he wasnt going to come a week ago when the weather was nice and the roads were good#but no update so im assuming still no baby#he was never going to get a better chance to come at an inconvenient time#also im lowkey sad bc my mom pointed out he's probably never going to be able to wear tbe cute bear onsie i got him#its super warm and fluffy and he totes could have worn it if he came on time before easter#maybe not for beey long tho#but its april and this blizzard may have been our last snow 😔#and he wont fit in it anymore in the fall#we have a slight chance of snow next week but more likely rain#anyway we shall see it might be chilly for a few more weeks and the occasional random day in april or may#but he's def missed peak dress your baby like a teddy bear weather#maybe i'll buy them the size up in the fall it wasnt that expensive lol#anyway my friend lives ~next door~ like half a mile away down a hill then up a really big hill and we couldn't get out of our driveway#but i told her to lmk if they needed anything bc i would have walked thru 2ft of snow if they needed it lol#but they were probably better off than we were bc they have a woodstove and probably a generator and her father in law has a snow plow#i think#so they probably weren't even trapped in the house lol
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