#they were in on things i didn't seem to be in the social spectrum and i never understood that

[the-acid-pear]

It's not easy to be a guy with a weird gender and complicated relationships with its sexuality and romantic attraction and fat and autistic and traumatized to the bone but someone has to do it

[oracularvernacular]

an ever expanding comprehensive list of autistic shit we know about zayne

because for some reason I have become the autistic zayne propagandist of tumblr so here we go

tried to waddle like a penguin as a child. also knows everything about penguin mating rituals apparently.

his love language is clearly an imitation of penguin behaviors (penguins give stones to express devotion, he gives candies to express that he cares because he literally can't say things like a normal person. hes a fucking autistic penguin)

can apparently tell every kind of flower apart by SCENT

rejection sensitivity so high he became a heart surgeon after he accidentally caused one (1) injury and tried to resign after he was FALSELY accused of malpractice

when you touch a part of his body he names a fact about that body

refers to your body parts by their full scientific names all the time

in his myth, the majority of books in his GIANT LIBRARY TOWER were about jasmines. where the fuck did he even FIND those

as a child he tried to comfort MC by leaving an unexplained and unnanounced box of snowballs vaguely shaped like seals at her doorstep. note that this was an entire box full of them like where did he even come up with this

during the "meet the parents" thing in the cafe interactions he's the only LI to very aggressively avoid eye contact during the entire dialogue

he obviously has a safe food (dessert) and a very unsafe food (carrots)

in the caleb five big booms arc, zayne gave hands down the most contextually weird explanation of anything I have ever seen, gave mc a pep talk (in the most monotone voice since amazon echo, mind you) out of NOWHERE, then slid mc an ipad looking thing (only mentioning it was willed to her by her dead grandma, not mentioning AT ALL that it contained life changing information, nor that grandma josephine actually asked him to take care of her after her death) and a candy. this man is the social interactions final boss

we learn in the wedding card story that during med school he struggled with executive function when it came to taking care of himself properly, basically lived off the bare necessities for survival etc. it could just be depression/exhaustion but from the phrasing of it it sounds like a deeper issue

comments suggestions:

Despite seeming somewhat averse to eye contact, he also holds rigid rules about eye contact being a necessary part of politeness

His students say he is strict, which again highlights rigid rule-following

One of his regularly commented on character traits is that he seems cold and robotic.

His jokes often concern and terrify people instead of making them laugh (such as in his A Pure White Heart Anecdote)

His social habits and rigid rule following frequently cause him difficulty in his relationships (romantic and otherwise) as well as his career.

In the meet MC's family interaction he also explicitly says "im a picky eater" for his flaws

when he was a kid he wanted to fly but he already knew why humans couldn't fly so instead he tried to decrease his bone density. (it's giving me as a kid bc i knew babies were made with a sperm and egg but i didn't know HOW those two met so I asked my mother in complete terror whether my dad was in her tummy like me. like fully in her stomach)

in the "animal tails" text exchange if you suggest he's bad at expressing emotions he says maybe you just need to get better at reading emotions. this suggests he isn't trying to be a standoffish Ice Prince. he is legitimately trying his best and as far as he understands thinks he's being genuine and clear. I thought I'd be the only one that was getting spectrum vibes from the boi lolol

alsoo could be a stretch but there is a photo booth pose specific to only Zayne called "clutch claw" where he has his hands dangling in front of him. my first thought was it's almost like the T-Rex hands which I recently found out is a common thing people on the spectrum do

GUYS GIVE ME MORE CANON AUTISTIC STUFF TO FILL IN IK IM FORGETTING STUFF

[drowninginredink]

(╹ -╹)? so what would your suggestions for writing an aplatonic character be?

Hmm... Okay well, maybe this is a bad point to start off on, because it involves me making an assumption about whoever is reading this, but I'm going to start with it anyway because it's what I thought about first. I figure that if you're asking this question, there's a pretty high chance you're some flavor of aspec. I think alloplatonic aces and/or aros are the ones most likely to want to give other aspecs representation. And if that is the case and you are somewhere on the a-spectrum, the biggest thing I can say is that if you ask me, all aspec experiences are the same. Like yes, the way society treats romance, sex, friendship, family, etc are all different and so being aro, ace, apl, afam, etc are all different, but so many of the basic experiences repeat.

You hear a lot of aces and aros talk about how they either picked someone at random to say was their crush as a kid, or they just picked the person who seemed nicest. They weren't aware that other people didn't choose one by some method, they had actual feelings for them they couldn't control. Similarly, when I ended up in different classes and a different lunch than all my friends in school and quickly discovered that if I didn't want to have lunch alone, I needed to make new friends, what did I do? I found a person who had a lot in common with me (at the time, being very good at school and coming from a conservative Christian background) and went "yeah, I should probably try and be her friend." There was absolutely no emotional desire—it was just logic.

And a lot of this applies to all queer identities, honestly. How many stories do we hear about someone coming out as bi, and their mom says "oh, I just thought everyone was interested in girls and boys?" We all just assume that our experiences are normal. So just as a trans person might have assumed that everyone feel disconnected from their bodies or an aromantic might assume that crushes are exaggerated to create drama in media, an aplatonic might assume that everyone only really cares about their friends when they're there and doesn't miss them when they're gone. They probably aren't going to understand why some people are so reluctant to try new things if they don't know anyone there, because to them, whether they're surrounded by strangers or friends doesn't make much difference. Etc.

So that's one thing I'll say. You can very much take your own experience of what queerness is like and map it onto the norms about friendship.

I think one thing that is important to mention is that if we are comparing to other aspec experiences, you'll see a lot of narratives, both in fiction and real life, where aro and ace characters have never been in those kinds of relationships because they never wanted them. That's almost impossible to have as an aplatonic. Even if you were the kid who was ostracized for one reason or another, there's always that one exception. People will try to adopt people who have no friends. People will declare themselves your friend even if you just see them as "that person I carpool with to rehearsal and talk to sometimes." It is almost never socially acceptable to say "no, actually I don't want to be friends." If you're a child, you'll often get punished for it; if you're an adult, you usually have to nod along to whatever they say and pretend to care and hope that eventually they notice that you'd prefer to be left alone. Obviously aplatonics with friends and who like having friends exist (hell, I'm one) but even those who don't tend to have someone just because it is extremely hard to be completely left alone if you participate in anything at all. And even if we might not consider the people we do hobbies with or talk to sometimes friends, that doesn't always go both ways.

And of course, you do need some kind of support network in the world. If you're alloromantic, aplatonic, and monogamous, you might want your partner to be the person who meets all of your needs and is everything for you... but that might not be practical. They might not like that. And if you're not in that kind of relationship, you may end up having friends for utility. It's easier to find a sexual partner if you can go along with also being their friend. Again, you might want someone to talk to about a hobby or shared interest, and in order to get that, you also have to perform the role of friendship.

The whole idea of friendship needing to have a purpose or reason or place is a big thing to me. Like, as a kid, I didn't make any friends in my dance classes for years, and I didn't care because in my eyes, I wasn't there for socialization, I was there because I liked to dance. So who cares? But meanwhile, at lunch in school? Friends have a purpose at lunch. You need a place to sit, and you need something to entertain you while you eat. So finding people to be with at lunch is important. Recess is the same way. At work? I have absolutely no interest in being friends with my coworkers. I'm at work to do work. Even if I have downtime, I still generally want to spend it on some other kind of "work" like writing. If I want to friend, that's a separate activity. I friend in my free time.

So to me, being aplatonic means I think about people's specific roles in my life and what they fill, instead of just the vague idea of friendship and that I like having people around. One friend is useful as a writing partner who I do writing sprints with. Another is nice because they're in a different time zone, so they're often awake and around during the part of work where I get bored and all my friends are asleep. Another has known me through all my mental health struggles and is generally a great listener, so they're useful to talk to about that stuff because they already have all the necessary context and immediately understand things. And yeah, as I mentioned before, another is just a really good lay, but we aren't going to only screw for twelve hours straight, so friendship does happen in the breaks in between.

And a final note — being aplatonic means I really don't mind leaving people behind. If someone moves away? I enjoyed them while it lasted, but I'm not going to be super inclined to keep things going. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. A play I'm in ends, so I won't be seeing that group of people every day anymore? Even though I really enjoyed working with them, I'm not going to mind or miss them especially. If someone actively ends a friendship with me? Well that's different. That's a form of rejection, and could be the result of me hurting them in some way or an argument that went badly. All of that is going to sting, if nothing else, because it's a form of failure. I did something wrong. But if circumstances change or we just grow apart? I'm not going to mind.

I've said this before, but that's the aplatonic story I'd really like to see. So many stories are about people who go on some big quest or adventure, and in the process it ends up creating these strong unbreakable bonds between them. They're closer than brothers now. They will never be separated again. You can see that everywhere from Lord of the Rings to Shrek and Donkey. I want to see the story where the group gets along well and they accomplish everything they set out to do, but at the end they all go their separate ways again. There aren't any hard feelings. If they run into each other again in their travels, they'll greet each other happily. They wouldn't mind working together again. But they aren't trying to stay together or stay in touch, either. It happened, and now it's over, and they're more than happy to move on.

... Shit that was long. Well I hope it was helpful!

[purplekiwis]

𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆

Summary: While they're on opposite ends of the social spectrum, Y/N and Harry have been the closest of friends for years. But could it be that an all-night working session for a science project helps them break out of the friendzone?

Genre: Friends to Lovers | Nerd!Harry x Badgirl!Y/N

Warnings: SMUT | Self-Deprication | This is coming-of-age story. There's no mention of their age but both characters are in their last year of high school (just a heads up in case someone doesn't want to read because of that)

Wordcount: 10k

A/N: ok y'all, so i have made a mistake.

i was like 99% sure there was a request in my inbox asking for a blurb where harry was nerdy? i found it interesting so i started working on it... only to realize halfway into things that that was not in fact what was written in the request 😅

i figured i might as well post it anyways since i wrote it but yeah... i'm sorry, anon! i (now) know you wanted subby!harry, but all i have to give you is nerd!harry (don't worry, i made him a lil subby just for you 🤫)

also, before y'all flood my inbox with asks about the non finished fics (rightfully so) i hear you and i'm very, very sorry for the lack of updates. i had to take a break because i kept feeling like the texts i could come up with weren't good enough for the stories i wanted to tell. i still partly feel that way, but i'm hoping the lack of real harry content will inspire me to write more in the near future. thank you for reading my dumb little stories, i love you 💖

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Harry was never too fond of grocery shopping.

He really didn’t like the whole “put things inside the cart, remove things from the cart at the cashier, bag them, put them back into the cart, get them in the car, take them out of the car, bring them inside and put them away” process.

It was extremely inconvenient to him.

It was also very time-consuming, though Harry believed this particular belief of his was directly influenced by having to grocery shop with his grandparents every other day.

Naturally, they were slower than he was, so he'd just drag his feet behind them, push the cart and wait for them to ask him to grab something from the shelves that their aging pains no longer allowed them to reach.

That part was fine, what bore him the most was how easily they got sidetracked by trinkets that weren’t on the shopping list. Oh! And how they always managed to locate a random old person they knew from God knows where who engaged them in talks that appeared to stretch for hours.

Harry would try and make up reasons not to go with them sometimes, but he always felt a little guilty about it afterwards. After all, it was a very small favor for him to help his grandparents with their groceries, considering they had been the ones to provide him with a loving home after his parents failed to do so.

People always seemed to feel sorry for him when they found out he'd grown up without his “real parents” around, but he'd never had reasons to complain, really. Unlike his parents, Joe and Martha had always treated him nicely and made him feel genuinely loved.

They were a little overprotective at times, but like Y/N always said, that was probably because they watched too much TV.

Speaking of Y/N, Harry didn't hate grocery shopping with her so much. He even kind of enjoyed it as long as the space wasn't too crowded. That day it wasn’t, which he was extremely thankful for because it reduced the chances of them bumping into any familiar faces who might ask about his grandparents, or if the girl he was with was his girlfriend.

That’s another thing he detested about running into people his grandparents were friends with - they loved to pester him with indiscreet questions about his love life that made him go red-faced. It was even worse when he happened to be with Y/N during those times; fortunately, she was always a bit clueless about it. Harry guessed that the reason for that was that she was so comfortable with their friendship that she wasn't even aware of what was going on… even if she thought it a little odd that he kept introducing her as his neighbor even though they weren't neighbors anymore.

Despite the fact that they no longer lived next door to each other, Y/N was still a frequent visitor at Harry’s house. Ever since his family relocated to a different area of the city, it had become custom for her to spend the night whenever the two had group projects to do.

Their journey was always the same. As they got off the bus from school, they would head to the supermarket to stock up on frozen pizzas and late-night goodies to help them through the long hours they’d be spending working on their computers.

That day was no different. They'd just grabbed their pizzas, and were now wandering around the drinks aisle looking at the options.

“Do you think your grandma would notice if we hid one of these in your backpack?” Asked the ex-neighbor, Y/N. The smile on her face got him figuring she was up to no good… even before he noticed the bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage she was holding.

The idea startled him a little more than he'd like to admit. “Don’t start! And put it back before anyone sees you.”

The way his body jumped made Y/N laugh as she set the bottle back on its shelf. “Relax, okay? I was only messing with you... I knew you'd be too chicken to do it. But just so you know, they don't even ask for an ID most times.”

He replied to her with a headshake. “You're not as cool as you think just because you get drunk with your friends every once in a while.” She didn’t seem too pleased by his remark, but Harry figured that by now she ought to know he didn't mean most of what he said when he was annoyed. “You can get an iced tea… or a pepsi… or that weird-flavored soda you like.”

“Fine.”

Harry noticed that even after he allowed her to pick her favorite drink, Y/N still didn't seem particularly happy with him. She trailed behind him in silence while he pushed the cart around and didn't even appear to care when they walked past the shelf where her usual go-to snack was.

“Did you know that statistically, people who start drinking in their teens have a 5 times higher likelihood of becoming alcoholics than those who only start later?” Harry knew it probably wasn't the best conversation topic to get her to talk to him, but it was the only thing that came to his mind in the moment.

“Did you know that stating facts like that makes you look 1000 times more of a nerd than you already are?”

Harry snorted at her retort. “You didn't seem to mind me being a nerd when you asked me to work on the paper with you.”

“I do every paper with you, why should this be any different?”

He smirked at that. It was true. He and Y/N had attended every academic year together since they first met in elementary school, and they had managed to enroll in almost all of the same classes each time. They were currently in their senior year of high school, and their friendship was still pretty solid despite their different personalities and social interests.

Y/N was in the midst of a rebellious phase. In the beginning it all had been quite harmless, with her obsession with dyeing the ends of her hair crazy colors and pairing fishnets with knee socks. That somehow led her into starting to hang out with people Harry considered to be a little unnerving.

He wasn't sure what exactly made him annoyed about them... Maybe it was because he was a little resentful over having to “compete” for Y/N's attention and feared he would one day completely lose her to them, given that they were undoubtedly the cooler part of the equation. Perhaps part of it was also because those people reminded him of the kind who used to bully him for being a dork when he was younger. Thankfully, he wasn't being bullied as much anymore, but he still didn't have many friends.

He also barely interacted with girls, as one might expect. There were times he had crushes, but he was always afraid to talk to them, so things never really went anywhere. Thus, Y/N was really Harry's only female friend.

He confesses sometimes he was surprised she still wanted to hang out with him as much as she did. When she became popular, Harry naturally assumed she would ditch him for social status reasons, but that never happened, which was a big relief to him since he liked having her around.

They were both geeky, so they watched a lot of movies and played video games together... but when it came to other things, they were a little different. Y/N had a much better sense of style, was much more social, and enjoyed doing dumb things like smoking weed and getting drunk behind her parents’ backs.

Harry had never really understood the appeal of it. In fact, his lack of interest in participating in that stuff sometimes worried him a bit, but again... it wasn’t like he wasn’t curious.

There were a few times when he thought it would be cool if he could hang out with Y/N and her friends, go out drinking, dance, and maybe, just maybe, if he was very very lucky, even get to kiss someone on the mouth.

But then he always ended up reasoning that people like him weren't welcome at parties and that if he ever dared to step foot into one he'd probably end up being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Even knowing so, he couldn't help fantasizing about it… especially the last part. Yes, Harry definitely thought about intimacy a lot more than he'd ever be willing to admit… and he also pondered a lot about how being practically invisible to girls sucked… and about how much he wished one would give him a chance.

He was aware of his issues, however. He knew he wasn’t exactly the hottest guy around. His haircut and clothing were out of style, mostly because he lacked the confidence to mess with his looks and follow the trends the way other people did. He’d buy new t-shirts sometimes; the only thing was that they almost always had gaming-related designs which obviously didn't do his style much good.

But it wasn’t all bad. Harry knew he had nice eyes… he just couldn't get the girls to come close enough to notice them. He figured the way he stared at the floor when he walked, along with the thick glasses he had been wearing since childhood had also taken part in preventing people from noticing how green his eyes were.

He thought Y/N had nice eyes as well, and he liked the way she accentuated them with make-up… even when her eyeliner turned out a little uneven or got smudgy because she forgot she had it on and rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

She'd been doing that a lot in the last hour they'd been working on their paper, which was making Harry feel a little bad.

Normally, by that time in the evening Y/N would already be working on her part, but as they'd started later than usual, she wasn't. Also, being the control freak he was, Harry always wanted to be the one in charge of the research portion of any papers they worked on. Leaving the final task of writing and flourishing to Y/N.

So the poor girl had been sitting next to him for hours, watching him go through articles on his laptop.

Harry could tell by the increased frequency of her yawns that her battery was running low, so he wasn't the least bit surprised when he heard her hesitantly ask, “Are you planning on staying up much longer? Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Um… not really. I found this really cool essay and want to make sure we gather all of their data.” He was so preoccupied with copying and pasting that he didn't even look away from the screen as he replied to the question. “It's a shame we don’t have any hot springs nearby... wouldn't it be cool if we could collect samples of these microbes and study them in the school lab?”

“Are you for real?” She looked at him like he was crazy as she let her back slide halfway down the bedframe. “Do you really find these stupid water microbes that interesting?”

“Not all of them, it’s just that I’d never considered that there could be some growing and thriving in actual boiling water… since, you know, that’s what’s supposed to kill them.” Due to the silence that followed, Harry realized that despite Y/N's efforts to keep him company, she was moments away from falling asleep. “Should I go get the air mattress to make your bed?”

“I can't sleep. I haven't done my part yet.”

“It's fine; we still have the entire day tomorrow to finish.”

“Don't bother with me if you’re focused on the paper. I just need to close my eyes for a bit, but I won’t fall asleep.” She promised, but Harry knew better than to believe her. “Do you mind if use your covers? Your room’s a bit chilly.”

“No, not at all.” He didn't mind it, in fact, he even found it a little exciting. Not in a pervy way, but it felt good to know that a good looking girl would be using his bed and leaving her girly scent on it. Harry tried not to dwell on those kinds of thoughts over Y/N too much, but of course he thought she was hot. He wasn’t that blind.

He hadn't always felt that way. For a long while Harry just thought of her as his best friend, but she'd grown into her curves in the last couple of years and he would be lying if he said his eyes and mind didn't occasionally wander. He felt a little bad about it, but it wasn't like he was ever going to do anything other than fantasize, so he supposed it was alright… as long as she didn’t catch on.

Truth be told, he’d always liked Y/N’s personality, but as of recently her looks and the way she dressed had also made her the type of girl he was attracted to on the outside. Yes, it was always the girls who wore alternative clothing and scowled a lot that caught his eye.

He was aware that his preference sounded extremely stereotypical coming from a shy loser like him, but it wasn’t like he could help what he was keen on.

“Is the entire chapter on Volcanic Islands really necessary?” She asked, leaning further into him so she could see the laptop screen despite being laid down.

“I'm not sure if it's necessary, but I thought we should at least mention these two islands since they keep coming up.” He could feel her sigh of defeat on his arm. “It’s already halfway done. I've already gotten all the info about Iceland… now all that's left is this tiny archipelago in Portugal.” With that, he rushed to type the final location on the Google search bar but was taken aback by Y/N's chuckling. “What are you laughing at?”

“Do you not know how to delete your browsing history?” She asked him, still laughing.

Harry's brows furrowed slightly, but he smiled along. “Huh, why? Seriously random that.”

“Random, really? I may only be half awake, but I can still see.”

“See what?”

“See Pornhub come up on your suggestions when you started typing Portugal.” Harry's face dropped instantly. Then, with a harsh slam, he shut his laptop lid. He could feel his entire body tensing up as a burning wave swept across his face, hotter than he'd ever felt before. “Harry, relax!” Y/N remarked when she saw him like that. She seemed rather worried about it as she clung to his arm and shook it. “Hey, look at me, this isn’t a bad thing. You don't have to-”

Before she could say anything else, Harry covered his face with his sheets and muttered, “Yes it is. It’s embarrassing.” Honestly, even that felt like a tame word to describe how he was feeling. This was, hands down, one of the most awkward circumstances he’d ever been in. He wasn't prepared to deal with it, so he chose to remain hidden and avoid further conversation.

He knew he'd have to come out at some point, but he couldn’t bear the thought of facing Y/N knowing that she knew he watched porn and wanked. It was making him feel all kinds of yucky, which was why he was a bit shocked by what happened right after.

Y/N ventured under the sheets after him, and eventually nestled into his side. The warmth felt nice, but being so close to her was weird. He liked it, but it also made him feel worse at the same time, given that she'd been the catalyst for his breakdown in the first place and all that. Plus, he still couldn't wrap his head around why she wanted to touch him when he felt so icky.

Despite the fact that they were right next to each other, it took a while for one of them to venture breaking the silence. By the time Harry tried, he had a dry mouth, so he had to swallow first. “I know it’s not your fault, but I'd honestly rather you hadn't said anything because knowing you saw is making me feel like shit.”

His faltering whispers seemed to stun Y/N a little, as if she'd already accepted that they wouldn't be talking for the rest of the night. “There's no need for you to feel that way… especially with me.” She returned his hushed words. “I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you'd get like this. I was just joking.”

“I know, but it still bothers me.” Harry was a little surprised by how at ease he felt speaking in quiet whispers while hiding under his covers. For some reason, talking to Y/N in this setting wasn’t as mortifying as he'd anticipated. “And just to be clear, I have no idea how that ended up in my suggestions. I always use incognito mode for that stuff.”

He couldn't see her, but he could feel her shrug. “You must have forgotten to open a new tab. It has happened to me before.”

“Oh. So. You watch it too?”

“Doesn't everybody, at least once in a while?”

“I don’t know… I suppose they must, yeah.” They both fell quiet for a bit, but not for longer than a few breaths as Harry felt the urge to clarify something. “I don't want you to think I'm a perv, though. I don't watch it all that often… not the kind of stuff that you’re probably thinking I watch, anyway.”

“What do you think I think you watch?”

“I don’t know, like… cringy, scripted porn… you know, the usual “oh no, I’m stuck!” stuff that shows up on the main page.”

“Um… I’ll be honest, you’ve always came across as more of a Hentai guy to me. And before you say anything, this isn't just me calling you a weeaboo. I've watched my share too and overall, I think it's much better than that other stuff you were talking about.”

“Yeah, fine... I'll admit that I like Hentai, but it’s not all I watch.” Harry wasn't sure why he felt so keen on sharing all of a sudden, but weirdly, he was kind of enjoying their conversation. He found the topic interesting, and he'd never had the chance to discuss it with anybody in person before so… it was fun. And, on top of that, Y/N was disclosing a bit too and he liked that he was getting to know this part of her as well. “Do you know what audio porn is?” She hummed and nodded yes. “Cool, so, there’s this category called ‘guided masturbation’ that’s basically just girls talking and like... telling you what to do. There’s no visual content really, but it has a very real feel to it that I like... almost as if you're on the phone with someone.”

“That's interesting, actually. I always thought that audio porn mostly for women, since, you know... everyone says men are visual creatures.” She shifted her weight slightly, turning towards him. “But you still find naked girls hot, right? the sight of them?”

“Well, of course. I’d be worried if that wasn’t the case.” Her question struck Harry a little, but he liked that she was acting curious and asking him things. “Honestly, I think the reason why I don't watch more regular porn is because I can't picture myself living out the fantasies. I don’t know, it’s weird to explain.”

“You can’t picture yourself in a sexy plumber costume ready to unclog a hot milf’s pipes?”

Harry snorted. “You're joking, but that's pretty much what it is.”

She hummed as she drew closer to him on the bed. This time her, placing her head into the crook of his arm. Her mouth was closer to Harry's ear in this position, although he wasn't aware of this until he heard, and felt, her whisper again. “Is that why you like to hear girls telling you what to do? because you're a bit unexperienced?”

Harry wasn't usually one to cuss, but shit. Hearing her whisper that somewhat snarky question so close to his ear struck a chord with him. It was freaking hot and kind of reminded him a bit of the audios he liked. Obviously, it wasn't as explicit, but it was better in many ways. A huge downside to the experience, however, was that it was extremely difficult to concentrate afterward. In fact, in the midst of his thoughts, Harry almost forgot to reply. “Um… I guess? I’m sorry, I kind of forgot what the question was.”

“No, it’s all good. I’m sure you must be getting tired.” With that, Y/N crawled out from under the covers. As she did so, her hand stumbled onto Harry’s toppled over laptop. “Oh, I didn’t even notice this was here. We should probably turn it off, right? Assuming you don't want to keep working after this.”

Harry also came out from hiding and sat up in a position similar to hers, with his legs partially covered by the covers. As his eyes re-acclimated to the brightness of the room, he massaged them a little. “Sure. I’ll just need a moment to, uh… make sure the file got saved properly, if that’s okay.”

Taking advantage of his temporary blindness, Y/N snatched his pillow from his side of the bed. She tucked it under herself and slid back under the sheets. “I've got a comfy bed right here so… feel free to take as much time as you need.”

He smiled at her antics as he readjusted the laptop over his legs and opened it. Turns out the file had been autosaved, but Harry still saved it once more before switching off his computer and setting it over his desk. “Yeah, that's fine. I don’t mind giving you my bed for the night and sleeping on the air mattress for a change.”

“Or you could spare yourself and sleep right there instead of worrying about which one of us will be sleeping on the floor.”

Her offer caused his eyebrows to rise, but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing to do. He liked the idea of it but was a little concerned about accidentally doing something embarrassing in the middle of the night. What if he made a toot? Or worse, had a wet dream? He hadn't had any recently, but one never knew when it might start happening again. In any case, he'd probably wake up with a stupid morning wood as usual, which was something that he could typically make go away before he got up when Y/N was around… but if she was going to sleep next to him, wasn’t there a chance she could tell? That prospect made him terrified. “Um… I'm not sure that I'm a good sleep partner; grandma says I used to move a lot in my sleep when I was small.”

“Oh. I don’t mind. I just don't feel like sleeping by myself tonight for some reason.” Y/N shrugged, leaving him unsure of what to say next. It was already difficult to say no when it wasn’t what he wanted to say, but it became nearly impossible when he looked at her and met her begging eyes.

Well then, if she was being so casual about it, he figured it must not be that common for people to do humiliating things in their sleep, contrary to what he had previously been led to believe by his insecurities. The other factor that was pushing him to say yes was that having to get up to grab the air mattress from the attic and make Y/N a bed sounded a little too demanding for how lazy he was feeling. His bed wasn't even tiny either, so they'd have plenty of room to spread out without troubling one another throughout the night. “Ok, alright. But don't grumble tomorrow about having trouble falling asleep because of me. This was entirely your idea.”  

“I don’t grumble.” He made sure to let her see his eyeroll before turning off the lights and getting into bed with a second pillow for himself. No one said anything for a bit, they were just adjusting their positions in search for the most comfortable one. Harry was still wide-awake, but he believed it wouldn't be long until Y/N fell asleep. She was already close to when they were working on the paper, so it shouldn't take long at all.

She proved him wrong, though, when she blurted out something after minutes of being quiet. “I have another question for you...”

“Oh. What’s that?”

Harry saw a shadow that he believed to be her head poking up from the pillow, propped on what should be her arm. Her voice sounded quite chirpy too, which meant he’d probably underestimated how awake and willing to chat his friend actually was. “Have you ever… like, kissed anyone?”

“That’s so random.” It was during times like these that Harry wished he could travel back in time. If he could go back and pretend to be asleep two seconds ago when Y/N asked if she could ask him a question, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Heck, he'd even pretend to snore if it meant not having to respond but alas, since Harry didn’t have any time travel abilities, that wasn’t an option. She knew he was awake and was anxiously awaiting his response. “You're quite random sometimes, Y/N...”

Her voice was hushed, yet a little taunting. “That’s not an answer.”

Harry sighed, realizing she wasn't going to let him off the hook until he participated in the discussion she wanted to have. “Alright, then… define kissing... does something like a peck qualify?”

“No, Harry. I'm talking about actual kissing. Tongue and all.”

“Oh um. I knew that, obviously.”

“And did you do it or not?”

“Yeah I, uh. I've kissed...” His words stumbled slightly. They didn't come out as cool or confident as he’d hoped, but he did try to make his statement sound plausible. “But it wasn’t with a lot of tongue... just like, a little bit.”

Y/N let out a snort at his unconvincing answer. “You’re a shit liar, but fine. I used to lie about it too when people asked me.” Rather than defending himself, Harry didn't say anything, which told his friend all she needed to know. “Is it something you think about, though? would you like to do it?”

“Well, yeah… of course I’d like to. Even some of the guys I hang out with have done it... and you’ve seen them.” Harry felt a bit mean making that remark about his friends' looks. Obviously, he wanted them to have someone who liked them, but that didn’t change the fact that none of them had much going in terms of physical appeal. “I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me. I know I’m the problem and that the reason why I haven’t kissed yet is because I’m not a kissable person. My only hope is that things will change once we start college. I don't know if I ever told you before, but I've been thinking about switching to contacts. I was also thinking it could be nice to exercise a bit just so clothes would fit me better. What do you think? It should help, right?”

Even in total darkness, Harry could tell that Y/N's eyebrows were deeply furrowed by her tone of voice. “Who was it that told you you weren't kissable?”

“Nobody needed to tell me. I see myself every time I look in the mirror. I dress like my grandpa and have a bit of a hunch like him too.”

“I think you're mistaking being unattractive for wearing clothes that aren’t particularly flattering. It's very different.” Harry knew she couldn't see it, but he was kissing his teeth at what she’d said. “If the reason why you want to make those changes is to feel better about yourself, then you have my full support… I do, however, have a feeling that’s not all it is, so I hope you realize that you don’t have to bend over backwards to be likable or kissable, or anything else. You already are all of those things exactly as you are.”

“I appreciate you sugarcoating things to make me feel better but if what you are saying were true, and I was fine the way I am, I wouldn't have this much trouble finding someone who saw that in me.” He sighed, a little annoyed by her efforts. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s hard for me to believe you’ll ever understand what it feels like to be me. You’re like... the coolest, most kissable girl ever.”

There was a slight click, and suddenly the room got soaked in an orange light that caused Harry to squint despite his familiarity with it. His bedside table lamp was on, and Y/N was staring at him in awe. “You think I’m kissable?”

Crap. Had he really blurted it out that way? He couldn't recall the precise words he had used, but it seemed unlikely that Y/N was asking him that for no reason. She looked very taken aback by what she’d heard, and Harry, who still hadn't a clue how he’d managed to put his foot in it yet again, felt his face turn red and his tongue stutter once more. “Not in a weird way! Maybe I phrased it in a way that made it seem like I was being weird, but it was just a form of expression. Not that what I said isn’t true, but I would never say it like that. Even if I wanted to kiss you, which has never crossed my mind, really.”

“Hm.” Y/N’s gaze was drawn to her hands as he finished. Harry observed that she was picking at her nail polish, which was rather unusual for her unless she was nervous. “Is it really that ridiculous? I mean, if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind...”

His forehead wrinkled. “Why? Because you feel sorry for me?”

“No Harry, because I'd like to.”

“Me? You’d like to kiss me? Why?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.” Her tone was a little hesitant, but she carried on. “Aff, okay… screw it. I might as well tell you since we’re talking about it. So, I, uh. I have a bit of a thing for you. I’ve had it for a while, but it was never serious… since well, I never really felt like there was a real possibility that it could be reciprocated. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner, that and because I wasn't sure how things would turn out if you rejected me so… I figured it would be best not to say anything.” She shrugged once more, as a small smile formed on her lips. “You’ve also never mentioned having any crushes or being into anyone, so I thought maybe you weren't interested in that type of stuff much.”

“Yeah, right.” Harry rolled over in bed, facing away from her. It wasn’t unusual of Y/N to play practical jokes on him from time to time, but this one did not go over well with him. It seriously screwed with his self-esteem and since it was her, he could have easily been tricked into admitting something he'd end up regretting. “I know you’re taking the piss and I don't think it's funny, like, at all.”

“Why would I be taking the piss? Do you really think I'd joke about something like this? And look at me when I'm speaking to you!” She pulled on his shoulder, compelling him to lie onto his back so she could at least see his face.

Harry complied with her, but not without a groan. “I'm serious Y/N. If you’re trolling, this is your one chance to say so ‘cause If I find out later that you were doing this to see me make a fool of myself or to get me flustered, I'm going to get really, really angry at you.”

“I may play a lot of dumb jokes, but I don't play with people's feelings like that… let alone my friends' feelings. I'm dead serious, Harry. It's really not that hard to see it if you think a little.” She huffed, upset that he wasn’t taking her seriously. She'd guessed he’d act a little wary at first but hadn't expected him to think she was pulling a prank on him. How could he have missed that she had a thing for him anyway, with how touchy she was when they were alone together? With her acting so eager to be his first kiss? She'd been shit at hiding it for years. It was so clear. “Do you remember when we were kids... my parents took us to a fancy playground by a lake and... there was a girl there who had a Nintendo but wouldn't let me play with it, she would only let you, so I snatched it away?”

"Yeah, I remember.” As he replied, Harry was unable to stop himself from letting out small laugh at the memory. “And then you threw it in the water because you'd heard from someone that Nintendo’s were waterproof. Your parents got so mad, and she wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.”

“Yeah, that. Except, I never really thought that they were waterproof. I did it because she was nasty... and it made me upset that you’d left me to play on the slide alone.” Y/N admitted, also laughing and shaking her head a bit at her childish antics. “I didn't know back then what being jealous was, but I think about that day sometimes... it makes me feel embarrassed obviously, but it also makes me realize that I've always been really possessive of you. I think if you'd turn out to have many girlfriends I would have realized much sooner that my feelings for you weren't just friendly ones.”

“Wow. Was that really what that was?” Harry was stupefied and Y/N couldn't not giggle at his open mouthed reaction. “I’m sorry, it’s just… this whole thing is really confusing. My head is spinning a bit and... being completely honest, part of me still thinks that you’re joking but at the same time, you seem serious enough so I’m gonna choose to believe you. Even if I have no idea why you'd like me that way, other than maybe ‘cause I'm tall.

“The hair too. Don't forget your fluffy hair.” She added playfully. “No but, even though I like those things, they aren’t the reason why I like you. I just do. There’s no logical explanation for it.”

“Yeah, um. That makes sense. I mean, not really but I think I understand that feeling you were describing and… I can kind of relate to it too since I've kind of had a small crush too since last year… or well, I've realized last year... back when you were dating that Joshua guy. It made me jealous. I’ve always thought it was silly though, so I tried not to think about it too much.” Harry acknowledged, albeit doing it with more trepidation and delay than Y/N had. “I've had other crushes too, but they were on girls I never talked to so... they didn’t last too long.”

“Wait so… you’ve had a crush too? since that long?”

“I- uh.. I have. Yeah.”

“You must be really good at hiding your feelings then, because I never noticed anything that suggested that, much less that you were jealous. Trust me, if I had any inkling I would’ve had this conversation with you last year instead of doing what I did. I didn’t even like Joshua much… I just wanted to have someone.” She pursed her lips in a mournful smile before reaching out for Harry's hand. It wasn’t the first time that their hands had brushed, but this time something in Harry's chest was sparked by her touch, making him feel both ecstatic and stiff at the same time. “It's nice that you've had other crushes, though. I think I'd be more upset if I found out you'd been caught up on me all this time and I'd just been completely unaware of it. With that said, I don't want you thinking about other girls now. Only me.”

“Yeah, okay. Just you. I like how that sounds a lot.” Harry had no idea what had possessed him, but he felt compelled to bring her hand to his mouth and kiss it. His gesture made her giggle, but he got somewhat self-conscious afterwards. “Was that lame? Probably, right?”

“No, it was cute. I liked it.” She reciprocated by lifting his hand to her mouth and placing a kiss over his knuckles. “Is there anywhere else you’d like me to kiss?”

With a tentative smile, he gave her a direct glance before nodding. Y/N scooted a bit closer to him but as they got closer, Harry's body tightened a little. He couldn't take his eyes off her lips, yet the sight of the rosy, fluffy cushions was giving him pause. “I’m sorry if I’m not… uh… if I don’t know how to...”

She gave his cheek a comforting caress. “That’s fine, but are you okay? You’re shaking a bit.”

Harry laughed, feeling rather frustrated with himself. “Yeah, um… sorry about that. I'm just really nervous.”

“It can wait if you're not ready.” Y/N made a point of assuring him, even though she had a feeling that waiting wasn't what Harry wanted. He was just nervous, which was totally normal for someone who was about to get their first kiss. The most she could do was try to make him a bit calmer. “Is there anything specific that you're worried about?”

“No, I’m ready. It's just a bit overwhelming. This is all so alien to me… it’s a lot for my nervous system to handle.” Y/N couldn’t not frown a bit at how adorable he was as she listened. “I- I'm also a little in over my head, thinking I probably won’t be as good as the boys you've kissed before.”

“You don't have to worry about that, really. Trying stuff until you figure out what makes the other person melt is the most fun part.” She assured, before giving his hand another kiss. “We’ll learn that from one another, okay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Upon his approval, Y/N pulled herself closer and higher, until her face was barely above his. They both smiled as she rubbed her nose against his... once, twice, and then it happened. She dropped her head just enough for their lips to touch.

Her tenderness and Harry's stomach-bursting butterflies were in stark contrast, making for a bizarre, yet fascinating combination of sensations.

They weren't quite in time with one another's lips but their kiss was free flowing. And it felt flawless, akin to a Vivaldi concerto or a Michelangelo masterpiece. There was something alarming about it too, however. Suddenly, Harry could feel the relatively insignificant seed of love that Y/N had planted in his heart blossom into a giant sequoia tree. And he couldn't, for the life of him, fathom the possibility of having shared a moment as nice with anyone else.

He was truly loving whatever love spell she was casting on his body with her kissing, which is why he couldn't help but let out a low whimper when he felt their lips unglue from her pulling away. “Why did you- why did you stop?”

“Your glasses are getting in the way.” She explained as she carefully started pulling them off his face. “Here, much better.” As soon as she was done placing his glasses over the nightstand, she raised her leg and straddled him. Well, sort of. It was more of an embrace; except she was laying on top of him. “This is okay, right? Not too much pressure?”

“Mh-mm. Better. Thank you.” Harry's face was flushed, and he couldn't stop smiling as he stared at her. She was so pretty, and her body over his felt so cozy. It was still hard to believe he had kissed her, but the tingle on his lips confirmed it was real, despite how uncanny it all felt. “I like this a lot, being this close to you.”

“Me too.” She ran her fingertips across his blushing skin. “You're so cute like this. I should’ve kissed you way sooner. You seem to like it too, don't you?”

“Mh-mm. I really do.” Harry desperately wanted more kisses from her, but he was still a little too unsure of himself to initiate. Besides, he’d really liked when she took initiative earlier and led the way so that’s what he wanted to happen again. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s okay...”

Y/N smiled at his request, but wasted no time before she leaned in to taste his lips again.

It was mostly just smooches that they were trading, but that didn’t keep her from taking a nibble here and there. Harry was very responsive to her nibbles, which she appreciated. She’d never been with a boy who got whimpery and breathy just from making out before, but she found it to be incredibly encouraging and arousing.

What made it extra hot was knowing he wasn't doing it on purpose because he knew girls liked stuff like that. It was just how his body was reacting to her. She was also well aware that her kisses had gotten him bricked up instantaneously. His warm stiffness was palpable between her thighs, despite being covered by his pajama bottoms.

If it had been any of the boys she’d kissed before, the erection would have freaked her out a bit, but as it was Harry she thought it was cute that he was so excited. He wasn't the only one feeling this way though. The damp panties she had on served as a casual reminder that she was getting quite excited as well.

Despite her wants, Y/N had been doing a great job of controlling herself… only that task became much more challenging when Harry started getting more comfortable, more intuitive, and by default, touchier. At some point in the course of their kissing, he’d started sliding his hands up her back and, on occasion, giving her hips a squeeze. He'd noticed she was pleased by this, so he worked up the nerve to lower his hands to her bum and squeeze her there too.

“Not feeling so shy anymore, are you?” Y/N playfully teased, to which Harry responded by smiling and hiding his face by pulling her in for a hug. It hadn't been her intention to rub up on him, but he’d drew her in so close that their bellies were flush together, so when she shifted next he felt it on his crotch… and moaned, all deep and throaty. They stared at each other, until Y/N turned her mouth to Harry's ear and asked, “Do you want this? want me to do it again?”

His nodding was quick. “Just don't go too fast, ‘cause uh... might feel too good.”

“Okay, got it.” She said, then held onto the pillow under Harry’s head, nails digging into fabric as she began to move slowly on top of him. Rolling her hips to press down on the bulge in his pants. The pressure on her clit was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it was a relief to finally have a way to sooth some of the built-up tension, but on the other, it made her yearn for more friction.

She could feel his heavy, strained breathing against her skin. “Mm, it's too much, feels… too good. Ah-” He moaned again, once her fingers gripped at the roots of his hair.

“Shh, quiet.” Y/N covered his mouth and smiled. “I love your moans, but we have to keep it quiet.” She said, before removing her hand from his mouth and putting her lips in its place.

“I know, sorry.” Harry replied once she broke their kiss. “If I get loud again, you can repeat that hand thing if you want… it was hot.”

“Hmm, was it?” She returned her hand to his lips, but this time she allowed two fingers to go inside and prod into his mouth, that he was keeping slightly ajar for her. “That’s good, Harry. You're a natural at this, I think.” She had been straddling him with her body leaning over his, but she sat upright for a moment to appreciate how adorable he looked with her fingers in his mouth from farther away. As soon as he saw her eyes fixed on him, his lips encircled her fingers, and his tongue began to softly wriggle between them. “Mh-m... that's it. Just like that.”

As she started moving her hips again, Harry's hands shot to her waist, to hold her as she rutted against him. This gave her more balance, so she ramped up the pace, rubbing harder and faster to create the desired friction for her. The change caught up with Harry quickly, who began groan restlessly into her fingers in response. She pulled them off to let him speak. “S-slow... please go slower. If you don't, I'll-”

“Make a mess. I know. Give me your hands.” As per Y/N’s request, Harry slid his hands away from her waist and held them up between their bodies. Y/N took them, entwined their fingers together and then without warning, allowed her weight to fall forward, successfully pinning him to the bed. “I know you want to, but you're ashamed about doing it in your underwear. So, I was thinking… if I keep you like this and force it out of you, maybe you won't feel so bad about wanting it anymore. What do you say?”

“I just don't want to get you dirty, that's all. I thought I could keep it under control a little better, but I can't. It feels so much better than my hand.” Harry acknowledged, smiling shyly. “That sounds hot, though… the idea of you forcing it.”

“I know but don't worry about getting me dirty. I brought extra pjs.” She gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hands. “So…you want to do it, then? Since you think it’s hot…”

A delaying groan rumbled in his throat before his lips parted into a broad smile, the kind of smile you make when you’re on the verge of breaking into laugher. “I’m going be so embarrassed about this tomorrow, but yeah. I want to.”

Y/N shook her head at him, grinning. “Don't. I've always wanted to do this. It's a bit of a fantasy of mine, I guess.” She didn’t give him a chance to react to her confession, as she started rutting against his cock again. This time she wasn’t being gentle or avoiding any harsh friction. Her movements were quicker and jerkier than they had been before, and she tightened her hold on his hands as well. She had a hunch Harry liked the feeling of being held down and used, so that's what she was doing.

He was shivering beneath her, taking fast breaths through his mouth as he looked her in the eyes. The poor baby couldn’t stay quiet for the life of him, either. His whimpers and groans were unrelenting, so she was bound to muffle him once more.

His now-free hand joined hers over his mouth, but it didn’t linger there for long since he took hold of her wrist and started guiding it downward. “My neck,” He pleaded lowly, his voice trembling. “…want your hand on my neck.”

She gave him a devilish smirk before grabbing his throat. She only needed to hold him still; there was no need to squeeze or do anything else. “And I want your cum,” she told him, hoping that slipping in a few dirty words in combination with her movements would make him snap. “…want to get all wet from it.”

Harry’s legs jerked beneath her. “Close,” He warned, a little startled. “So, so close…” The fact that she could not only hear him but also feel his words on his throat as he spoke was incredibly arousing. “Please…” He pled sweetly, what triggered a sudden desire in Y/N's chest to be closer. She released her hold on his throat and hugged him tight as she drove her hips into his, rutting violently to make him orgasm.

It worked.

Between her thighs, Y/N could feel his warm juices seeping through the material of their pajamas. So she kept rutting, wanting to make sure she had extracted every last drop of them.

Harry returned her tight hug all the way through his climax, and he didn’t let go after either. They remained in that position for a while, holding each other close regardless of the slightly unpleasant wetness that was binding them together. “We should probably change right?” Y/N asked after a beat, despite her lack of want to wrest away from him.

“M-hm. I’m all gross and sticky.” Harry laughed. “I’m gonna need another shower in the morning, but for now, I think I'll just wipe it off and put on new boxers. I mean if you don't mind that I don't wear pants to bed…”

“No, I don't mind. I'm gonna take mine off too.”

“Oh. That's a great idea. Sounds perfect to me.” Harry playfully quipped, before he got out of bed and started opening drawers. “Also, um… I don't know how to ask without being weird, but could you close your eyes for a moment? so I can take care of myself real quick?” Y/N said yes and turned away to give him privacy while he cleaned himself and changed. She was a tiny bit surprised that he hadn't wanted to use the restroom for that, but she figured that since it was closer to his grandparents' bedroom at the end of the corridor, he probably didn't want to risk going and waking them up. “Okay… you can look now.”

When Y/N looked at him next, the first thing she noticed was that he had on a pair of tight, black boxers. The next thing she noticed was that Harry was looking at her legs, since, as he’d probably seen when he turned, she had also stripped off her pants in the interim, leaving just her grey panties on. “What?” He smiled in response to her curious gaze.

She wouldn’t bring it up, but she could see he had grown a little hard in his boxers just from seeing her sprawled in bed with no pants on. “Nothing, you’re cute.”

Harry snorted at that. “Thanks, but you're much cuter.” He wandered across the room to where the supermarket bags were. “Are you thirsty? Do you want water or a snack? ”

“Hmm, just water if that’s okay.”

Harry handed her the water bottle and sat down on the bed next to her while she drank from it. “You didn’t cum…” he pointed out after a moment of pause.

“Oh um… yeah. I didn’t. It’s okay though.” Y/N laughed, shrugged, and took another sip of her water.

“Hmm.” Harry hummed, before scooting a little closer to her. “It must be a bit of an unpleasant feeling, no? and hard to sleep like that.”

“It is a little until it goes away but nothing that I can't handle.”

“Hm.” He hummed again, before Y/N cocked her head to kiss his lips. She’d only meant to give him a peck, but Harry changed her plans when he leaned in to kiss her deeper. He seemed really eager to continue kissing and well, she wasn't about to say no to him. Especially when he went so far as to nibble on her lip, which he hadn’t done before. He was also getting handsy with her, and she loved it. He was touching her more and focusing on the spots he'd learned she liked.

“That,” She blurted, as she paused to catch her breath. “That feels really nice.”

“M-hm.” He murmured against her lips as he kissed her again. His hand continued to grab at her as they kissed, to the point where Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t meant to but ended up moving her knees apart out of desperation. Being so blatant almost made her feel ashamed, but she didn't because she felt Harry's palm wrap over her crotch. In response to his touch, she moaned into his mouth, and he moaned back, surprised at how her moisture had soaked through her panties. “Teach me.” He asked, softly. “I want to learn. I- um, want to make you go to sleep happy.”

“That’s so nice, Harry, really. I, um-” She smiled while wiping the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m already happy.” She didn’t know what was making her so overwhelmed with joy all of sudden. She’d always known Harry was boyfriend material, but it was still nice to see how much he gave thought to her needs and happiness. And she was happy. So, so happy to finally have him like this, all to herself. “Do you want me to show you how to touch?”

“Yes please. To make you feel good.”

“Okay.” She placed her hand on top of his. “Here,” she explained once she’d guided his fingers to the spot of her panties right above her clit. “Circular motions with your fingers feel really nice, so does pressure. You don't have to focus on just that spot though… the nicest feeling is when you rub there but also all over.” She glanced at him, then bit her lip and asked, “Wanna try?”

“Yeah, alright.” Harry responded, adjusting his position slightly so that Y/N could get more comfortable. They decided to have her sit between his legs, facing away from him since that would make it easier for her to lead him. Once they’d both settled, Harry began to touch her in the way she had showed him, moving his hand broadly enough to reach a little bit everywhere in between her legs. “Am I doing it right?”

“Mm-hmm, you're doing really good.” Y/N was still holding his hand while he touched her, and she was fascinated by the size difference between their hands. “Your hands are really big, which... makes it feel extra good.”

“Really? That’s nice. I'm definitely grateful for that.” He said while looking down as well. “Should I put more pressure, or is it okay as it is?”

“It’s fine but I wouldn’t mind a little more...” She could tell he was afraid of hurting her, and that’s why he was being so careful and gentle in his touching. She wasn’t planning on rushing him or constantly give him directions though, so instead she simply relaxed against his chest and let him probe at his own pace. Because, after all, even though he was playing safe, she was still thoroughly enjoying herself.

It took Harry a few minutes to figure out how much pressure and speed he should be using, but eventually he pressed and swirled his fingers around her sensitive nub in a way that felt just right. When Y/N’s breath faltered he glanced at her worriedly, what made her chuckle. “No, don't worry. You didn't hurt me. Keep going like that.”

Harry smiled at that. He’d had a feeling he was starting to get the hang of it due to the way Y/N’s breathing had become more erratic and she'd begun to quiver against him on occasion but hearing it from her mouth that he was doing a good job was much, much better. He was really looking forward to making her cum. She looked so good like this, flushed and a little out of breath. She'd been staring at his face a lot from over her shoulder in the last couple of minutes, biting her lip and letting out little gasps of pleasure to let him know he was making her feel good.

“Like that. Don’t stop.” Those quiet, whispered words snapped him out of his reverie. He knew what they meant, even before she told him, “I’m really, really close.”

He'd learnt from a meme he saw once that when girls said that, boys weren't meant to speed up or change what they were doing in the slightest. So he merely focused on adding a bit more pressure, since that was something he knew she liked, and trying to keep his hand's tempo.

Despite how hot he found it, Harry wasn't very comfortable with dirty talk, but seeing her like this and recalling the perfect, filthy words she'd said to him just before making him cum, he felt compelled to give it a shot. “I can feel how wet your panties are, it’s so hot.” He whispered into her hair. “I can smell it too and it makes me want to eat you so bad. I've never done it before, but I can't stop thinking about doing it to you.” Rather than trying to sound hot, he was simply stating facts about how she was making him feel, and somehow it was working. “I wanna make you cum like this first though. From rubbing it this way, like you taught me to.”

Harry's words, paired with the precise movements of his fingertips around her pussy got Y/N right at the edge. She trembled, clutched his wrist, and strained to keep her legs open.

“Please, please, please...” She started begging out loud right before the warm pleasure bubble on her belly popped, so Harry did the same thing she’d done to him and muffled her by putting his free hand over her mouth.

He hadn't anticipated being able to feel when a girl orgasmed, but he was. He could feel the strong pulse under his fingers as soon as Y/N started to cum, and it was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced. He could also feel the damp spot on her panties becoming even wetter as he rubbed her through it and God, the smell… it was making his mouth water.

If she didn’t look so exhausted, Harry would have begged her to let him take off her panties and lick her clean, but those puffy, glossy eyes didn't permit his mind to stray any further. If there was one thing Harry understood about Y/N, it was how she looked just before falling asleep, and that was exactly how she was getting.

So he helped her into bed and laid down beside her, but his heart wouldn't let him fall asleep before he asked, “You’re staying for the entire weekend, right?” and his ears picked up a faint “M-hm” in return.

This was going to be the best weekend ever.

**

[wisteria-lodge]

I'm weeks behind on the dobbie argument but I'll be the first to admit that I skated past the cultural implications when I first read about them (at about 10-11?) just the way the narrative wants you to bc i knew the house elves were supposed to be brownies. I had read plenty of books where they put fairy-tale creatures into the modern world and they didn't exactly jive w that (like spiderwick and fablehaven) so the other house elves being mostly happy seems to imply that the dobby and winky situations were out of the norm.

But I will also say that now as someone old enough to have experience with close reading, the way the elves seem to happily mindlessly serve wizards while having different (possibly more powerful?) magic, and being part of the old ministry fountain all point to a lot of undealt with pieces that reflect how JKR just doesn't have to and herself isn't interested in dealing with some complex things in her writing, which honestly fits with what we see about her politic. This is not a lady deals with complexity or spectrum well.

That said! The house elf issue is complex enough to be it's own book (as evidenced by creature issue focused books like spiderwick and fablehaven) but if you don't want to focus on it for a whole book, then there really should have been more kinds of hints about why elves chose to serve wizards. Like... there's not much to like about it seems like, but jkr also has an issue with over-anthropomorphizing her magical creatures i think, or at least implying wizards do (like the centaurs don't want to be treated like humans. They want whatever they consider respect in their own culture and to have the barest modicum of how humans treat other presumably equally intelligent humans). And elves also have some thing about generational contacts w families that seems a little more like a downton style perception of household staff bc they serve rich and well connected people? But don't want gold so what do the wizards give them to hire them if they don't have a generational contract?

Even if we approach the topic on its own grounds it just opens more questions. Was dobby a new hire or did he have predecessors? The self-punishment is meant to be comic book violence but is actually really awful, did no one stop him bc it was acceptable or again bc dobby an outlier among his own kind? Is it possible to tie up elves in magical contracts? I don't even think it's terrible to have the elves as a whole be kind of "innocent" but again there are implications with treating creatures like that when you're also giving them and treating them according to Wizarding morals and not their own social rules...

I also missed the implications of all the house-elf stuff when I was like... nine or ten. Like, for years I was under the impression that Dobby's self-harm was a sort of compulsion magic that came from being bound to the Malfoys. But on a re-read, it's absolutely not. That's just Dobby's... maladaptive coping mechanism. What a weird way to introduce the concept of self-harm into your kids' book.

The films also don't engage with any house elves except for Dobby. Which gives the impression that - it's only Lucius Malfoy who has/wants a house elf, and that's bad, but he's a villain so whatever. And then Dobby is freed anyway. (I know kreacher is there for like, a minute, but he doesn't do anything important.)

I really do think that a lot of the weird framing around house elves is there to make the mystery in Book 4 work. (something else the films didn't bother with. Barty Crouch Jr. did it. How did he escape custody? Doesn't matter.)

Like - look at this bit:

Winky the house-elf was fighting her way out of a clump of bushes nearby. She was moving in a most peculiar fashion, apparently with great difficulty; it was as though someone invisible were trying to hold her back.

(we learn later that this is very literally what is happening)

“What’s up with her?” said Ron, looking curiously after Winky. “Why can’t she run properly?” “Bet she didn’t ask permission to hide,” said Harry. He was thinking of Dobby: Every time he had tried to do something the Malfoys wouldn’t like, the house-elf had been forced to start beating himself up.

Later in the book, we learn that Harry is actually completely wrong about this. Dobby wasn't forced to beat himself up by the Malfoys, since he's still doing it in the Hogwarts kitchens. And as a clue, this is really clever. A reader could put two-and-two together, go back to this moment with Winky, and realize that something else must be going on, which of course it is.

There are a lot of clues around Winky specifically - she is "saving a seat" in the Top Box for someone who never shows up, she takes Harry's wand away from Barty and is therefore caught with it, Barty Senior's decision to fire her for what seems to be (but isn't) a minor transgression doesn't make any sense... her story doesn't add up, and that's a major clue.

But in order for this to work, a couple of things have to be true.

Winky can't snitch on Crouch even after she's freed. (the way I'm sure Dobby would have snitched on Lucius.) So, therefore she needs to be loyal to her master in a way Dobby isn't.

Barty Crouch Sr. can't be like... evil, because that makes him too obvious a suspect, and the mystery won't be satisfying. JKR pulls the same trick she did in Book 3, where she makes Harry mentally compare Peter to Neville (so the reader will think of him as harmless/innocent/pathetic) and compares Barty Senior multiple times to Percy. Kind of a stick in a mud and overly concerned with rules, but not evil.

It can't seem WEIRD that Winky is loyal to her master, or else that will make that particular clue stand out too much.

So, we're left with a scenario where - most house-elves are loyal to their masters, and owning a house elf doesn't make you a *bad person* in the eyes of the narrative. But that has massive worldbuilding implications that JKR didn't consider, and here we are.

If it were me... I would have made it so that Barty Senior oblivated Winky. (As it is, the implication is sort of that memory charms don't work on house elves? I'd get rid of that.) The reader wouldn't *know* what happened to her of course, and you could actually have clues around that and let it be part of the mystery. Maybe when we meet her in the kitchens Winky is weirdly, suspiciously forgetful (kinda like Bertha Jorkins, who Barty Senior ALSO memory charmed... which links those two mysteries together in a nice way.) But we don't realize what the problem is at first. Dobby feels bad for her and is lying/blaming himself for her mistakes in order to cover for her, and/or we attribute her behavior to the butterbeer (when it's really the memory charm.) That keeps the mystery intact, but it also doesn't open up this huge can of worms that JKR just... doesn't seem all that interested in.

[beardedmrbean]

I'd gotten good at not letting the news affect me, but the murders in DC have me pissed. I'm certain I've seen a hypothetical of, "someone could murder jews while screaming free palestine and people would deny the connection"

That vileness is reality now, and I've seen plenty of people from here to mainstream media deny it. I'm well past being surprised by this, but I've hit a well of disgust I didn't know I still had.

Ya he kinda did that but even worse not only are people not denying the connection but they're praising the guy for it.

Which is even worse really. Then to make it even more horrific, I can't say with full assurance this is 100% accurate, but we'll find out eventually.

Girl cheering on a murder but is scared to use the word killed or murdered is peak gen-z tough guys that are afraid to ask for extra ketchup packets.

Don't need to worry about dehumanizing this monster, easy enough at this point to see that their humanity only seems to extend to their biology.

Then I've seen people claiming that the palestenian child that was killed in Chicago a while back, nobody cared about and people didn't condemn the murderer for it.

Which is very very wrong, it was pretty much universally condemned by everyone on all sides of the political and social spectrum, not sure why someone would even try and lie about something that is that easy to disprove, but then again I could probably think of a few reasons.

Allegedly the murderer here had a picture up in his window calling for justice for that child, given the person in that case well.

20 days ago

A Will County judge sentenced c to 53 years in prison on Friday for the deadly stabbing of 6-year-old Wadee Al-Fayoumi and the attack on his mother. The sentence includes 30 years for murder, 20 years for the attempted murder of Hanan Shaheen, and three years for a hate crime.

So 53 years there, guy will die in jail, as he should.

This was under that one.

Images from FOX 32 Chicago show investigators on scene for much of Thursday morning, coming and going from an apartment complex in the Albany Park neighborhood.

One of them also showed a sign hanging in a window reading, "Justice for Wadea."

A neighbor, John Wayne Fry, told reporters outside Thursday that the window belonged to Rodriguez. ______________________

not allegedly anymore with that one.

Not sure how the brutal murder of two people who have been seeking to build bridges, create a lasting peace, and also had nothing to do with the murder of Wadea, will bring about any justice for him.

But on the bright side it might wake some of the hamassniks up to what the extremists on their side of the aisle are good with doing.

Or not, I had someone try to convince me that both gaza and yemen were lgbt paradises in the region, and absolutely no amount of written and video statements made by the people of those two places about how they feel about lgbt people and would like done with them would get through to them.

Gotta find the folks that aren't so far gone that they think murdering peace activists is a good thing and work with them.

I know it's still a major bummer, but it won't be forever, sense will return again eventually.

[autisticgoten]

More thoughts on aroace Goku/the autistic Son family (+ headcanons and postcanon ideas)

Because I couldn't justify putting them all in the art I just posted lmao

[Image ID: An aroace flag colour picked from Super Saiyan Goku, with Goku in front of it. End ID.]

I have always read Goku as somewhere on the aroace spectrum, especially during the early series.

(Thoughts/Goku-based thesis under cut)

In early Dragon Ball, Goku often has to have social concepts such as sex, gender, romance, etc., explained to him. This, of course, is related to the running joke that he's sheltered and has no comprehension of things which are second nature to most people.

[Image ID: A panel of Roshi saying "I am appalled by your inability to judge women!" Goku responds, "Really...?" End ID.]

(From Chapter 25, where Roshi is horrified that Goku does not objectify women. The surrounding panels are worse, typical early series jokes.)

He's 12 here, around the age where media often portrays young people as developing feelings of attraction. Though his lack of interest may be portrayed as due to his isolation, that really wouldn't have that much bearing on experiencing romantic interest when he explores the rest of the world. Toriyama consistently choosing to write Goku like this seems to say something more about him than just this running joke.

Then, of course, there's the (somewhat infamous) scene where Chi-Chi confronts Goku when they are both 18 or so and insists that he promised to marry her.

[Image ID: Two panels. In the first, Goku thinks, "Wow... And all this time, I thought she meant something to eat! Well, I guess that's it... I did promise!" In the second, he faces Chi-Chi and says, "Okay! We'd better get married!" and she says, "Yay!" End ID.]

(From Chapter 171. Searching for this exposed me to too many people's opinions on Chi-Chi.)

Goku is remarkably casual about agreeing to marry someone, especially as he didn't really know what it meant a few minutes ago. I really don't think this is intended to be taken too seriously -- it's largely a joke about how nonchalantly Goku treats things that are super important to most people, because he has other priorities than most people.

I don't think this is a reckless/stupid moment for Goku (or a predatory moment from Chi-Chi as I've unfortunately seen people say). He's young and doesn't understand social expectations very well and you know, he made a promise. It's perfectly reasonable to him.

Goku is now 18 and still exhibits the same cluelessness when it comes to romance, even though he has been around the world and met many people, including people his age.

This moment also makes me think a lot about my headcanons of both Goku and Chi-Chi (and the whole Son family) being autistic. Goku is so so autistic to me -- he largely exists outside of social expectations and is confused when they are imposed onto him, he is focused on one thing (mastering martial arts) to the point where other things seem unimportant to him, etc. On the other hand, Chi-Chi is also autistic but in the way of attempting to adhere strictly to social expectations because she wants to Fit In (#girlautism). Women get married because they were promised to someone when they were young and that's that.

This diverts from manga canon/Toriyama's writing, but in the anime filler about Goku and Chi-Chi's wedding there's a whole dumb bit where a character called Grandma Hakkake 'teaches' her how to be a good wife by making her clean her house.

[Image ID: A screenshot from the Dragon Ball anime where Chi-Chi is intently cleaning up a pile of dishes. End ID.]

(Episode 151)

It's so absurd that it makes me think about Chi-Chi rather desperately adhering to the social role of a Good Wife. When you consider this, it contextualises a lot of her characterisation. She is frustrated with Goku because he doesn't fulfill some socially-expected aspects of a Good Husband, such as earning the household's income, keeping Gohan in school, etc. She is frustrated because she has done her very very best to be a Good Wife and yet he doesn't seem to be trying at all.

This is NOT an attack on Goku in any capacity, I don't think he's a bad husband or father at all. There is a difference, however, between Goku's personality and the social construction of a Good Husband.

I'm thinking about this post by @gokustits where @dbfandom breaks down this rather infamous panel from the original Japanese (I highly encourage reading and interacting with the post because it's excellent).

[Image ID: A panel where Chi-Chi is yelling "Oh, come off it, Goku-sa! You never do any work, and you never look after Gohan-chan--!! Have you ever made a single penny since we got married--!?" End ID.]

@dbfandom: The first bubble is her scolding Goku for being an absentee father, but it's through the societal lense. She's saying he's a bad father (by societal norms: aka a "provider"), but not a bad "dad", and she's angry about the year and a half in which Goku was absent but could have not been (due to the wish to Porunga to be brought back that Goku refused!)

The difficulties in their marriage largely come from this miscommunication, where Chi-Chi assumes that Goku knows these societal norms because they're societal norms, but of course he doesn't. This isn't really either of their faults, especially as they got married at 18 (!!!). It's more tragic than anything to me.

Their early relationship feels kind of like 'playing house' to me. Chi-Chi has a very specific idea of marriage and Goku goes along with it. I do think they're happy, especially before the Saiyan Saga starts, but it feels less related to the social expectations and more in spite of them. They develop a relationship and enjoy spending time together, fall in love in some capacity for sure, but when Goku is pulled in other directions that relationship is strained.

This is going more into the realm of reading between the lines/headcanon, but my interpretation of Goku's feelings for Chi-Chi are really just that he enjoys spending time with her and doesn't mind what form it takes. I view him as a sex-neutral ace (he doesn't care much either way).

I don't think there's any doubt that Goku loves Chi-Chi as their relationship ends up.

While Chi-Chi's initial feelings for Goku definitely seem like she convinces herself that she has them because she's betrothed to him, I also think she develops very real feelings for him. I read her as a little aroace-spec too, though I think she specifically enjoys romance as compared to other ways of being with someone more than Goku.

Anyway! Onto the kids!

[Image ID: A coloured DBZ chapter cover in Japanese, with Videl, Goten, and Gohan. End ID.]

(Chapter 428/DBZ 234)

Gohan is actually the only one of the Son family I read as totally allo, lmao. Well, there's really not much evidence either way, but his romance with Videl feels fairly natural to me. If anything, they have more obstacles to their relationship than pressures.

(Except that one weird moment where Chi-Chi is excited that the girl Gohan likes is rich, but I personally don't think that influences him too much.)

I do really think Gohan and Videl is just one of these rarer cases where people fall in love in high school and get married young but end up with a pretty healthy relationship.

(It happens. I started dating my partner of 8 years in early high school lmfao, though we do certainly have some aroace-spec shenanigans going on)

Not to say they're completely untouched by social expectations and all. Being in a heterosexual marriage certainly comes with plenty of that. Gohan getting married young like his parents does also play on my mind. Even if he wasn't pressured into it, society certainly doesn't object to anything he does.

As for Videl, she is also very allo to me with her initial crush on Gohan. I like a lot of their early relationship which is built on training together.

(This only makes Super even more frustrating with how they completely strip Videl of her personality and what made this relationship interesting.)

[Image ID: A trading card of high school Videl and Gohan back-to-back, looking at each other over their shoulders and smiling. End ID.]

I also read Gohan as autistic, though he's better at masking than Goku. He also sometimes struggles socially (though this may also be part to his isolated upbringing) and has special interests (entomology in Super, of course, but also martial arts just like Goku -- I'm sure he has complex feelings about this considering his trauma but also his earnest love for it in less high-stakes situations i.e. Saiyaman).

Okay! Finally nearing the end, onto Goten (and a bunch of my headcanons)!

[Image ID: Three panels. In the first, Trunks says, "Y'know what, Goten?!" and Goten responds, "What?" In the second, Trunks says, "If I tried... I bet I could only beat you with one arm!" In the third, Goten says, "What?! One arm?! You can not!" End ID.]

(Chapter 433/DBZ 239)

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, I love Goten. I love the energy that he and Trunks bring the Buu Saga and their fun, childish outlooks.

I read Goten as autistic too ("no way, tumblr user autisticgoten"). Alongside some of his characterisation which feels very inspired by young Goku's, his friendship with Trunks also makes me think of this.

Often, Trunks is the instigator, proposing schemes for Goten to join in on. This may be explained by Trunks being the older and more confident kid, but I also like reading this as Goten being Autistic in the way that he really wants to fill the role of Trunks' friend well.

[Image ID: A full-body illustration of young Goten in his gi, smiling. End ID.]

(my art! full post here as I remain proud of it)

As for queer stuff, well...

We only have brief appearance of teen Goten as written by Toriyama, in the DBZ epilogue.

It's fairly brief and the most insightful thing, really, is that he mentions he's going on a date, which means he's interested in romance in some capacity.

[Image ID: A panel where Goten says "And I had a date tomorrow, too". End ID.]

Honestly, any conclusions drawn from that alone would be pretty narrow (I'm not analysing GT or Super in this particular post).

So... now for headcanons and my personal ideas!! Everything from here is from my own writing of post-canon DB, so fair warning if you're only interested in the analysis.

I really, really like teen Goten being bisexual and aroace-spec.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of teen Goten in a gi holding up a peace sign and saying "i love bisexuality", with a bisexual flag in the background, and another tiny doodle of him in the corner. End ID.]

(little scribble from 2023 I didn't post)

Goten is the first one in his family to actually identify as queer. This brings up a whole BUNCH of feelings when he comes out. Goku wouldn't care at all, of course. Chi-Chi definitely isn't intolerant but has some traditional ideas. Her entire marriage is built on heterosexual gender roles. She has a lot of talks with her son which lead her to consider a lot of things differently.

Goku never identifies as aroace because that doesn't matter to him but the idea helps him understand that the way he sees romance may not be the same for everyone. He and Chi-Chi talk a bit and while I think their relationship is definitely better after the Buu Saga in general due to their age and a lack of stressors, this really helps them come to terms with the unexamined issues in their relationship and how they've always had different expectations.

(Young queer people helping their older relatives understand things about themselves is so, so important to me and I just want to see it more. On a personal level, my sister and me coming out helped my mum realise she's bisexual.)

Anyway, my interpretation of teen Goten does flirt around a lot but he rarely has serious relationships and the people he dates always just end up as friends. This is because he's aroace-spec, and also because he can't conceive of anyone in his life being more important than Trunks.

In the end, as an adult he has a semi-romantic bestfriendship-based queerplatonic-y thing with Trunks. No particular labels. They just live together and are in multiple kinds of love!

(I hc Trunks as a trans man and gay but I will not go into that today because I will never shut up)

I think Gohan is definitely the first person Goten comes out to, though. After Gohan moves out, Goten has a habit of just appearing on his roof to talk with him, and this happens during one such talk.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of Goten and Gohan sitting on a roof under a night sky. End ID.]

(an unfinished sketch also from 2023)

And, to circle back to the Autism! During one of these talks, Gohan also tells Goten that he's been doing a lot of introspection/research and thinks he's autistic (and their dad is likely autistic...). And so the family are able to put a name on that certain thing that seems to set them apart from others.

(Last personal anecdote: I got my autism diagnosis right around the time my dad started to realise he is autistic too, as runs in his side of the family.)

Anyway! I could go on and on but this headcanons segment is already too long so I'll save it for other posts.

If you made it through this monster of a post, thank you!!! I hope you found something that rings true for you.

AROACE AUTISTIC GOKU FOREVER!!!!! <3

[oh-no-its-dragons]

Step Two

Bodhi knows exactly how it happened. When it settled. 

For @empyreanevents' Bodhi Week, day 5: Window

Personal challenge checklist: ☑ don't mention Xaden ☑ Bodhi has a nice day

(cw for lots of talking about sex and specifically one explanation of how sex can look from an aegosexual perspective. 🖤🤍💜 please keep in mind that I'm drawing heavily on my experience, but there are many different ways to exist on the ace spectrum. this is a direct sequel to yesterday's Step One, which was inspired by look around, look inside by @theoppositequeens.)

Somehow Ridoc had slotted himself into my life and made it look easy. I was used to thinking of myself as the odd one out, tagging along to social events that my friends had been invited to. 

Ridoc sought me out. Invited me, specifically. And at first I worried that meant I would have to stick around watching him be the life of the party long after I might have ducked out if I were alone, but instead he noticed. He checked in with me. Sometimes he kissed me good night before I left, and sometimes he left with me. 

It was good, but it took some getting used to. 

Ridoc was forthright about most things. "I have a hard time keeping my inside thoughts on the inside," he described it. It meant he didn't shy away from saying what he was feeling, even when what he was feeling was —

"I'm so horny I can't think," he announced, and not for the first time, but for the first time I answered him before he could say he was going to go see if Tyvon or whoever was around.

"I can help with that," I offered. I'd been thinking about it a lot, about what it might feel like to offer, what I would do if he took me up on it. Ridoc had been good at listening so far. 

It was fucking terrifying to risk it, but whatever we had was working so far. Gods, sometimes the thought that someone could understand me made me want to hide, because I was sure that if I were understood then he'd see that there was something wrong with me, some disconnect between my brain and my body that couldn't be fixed. 

"You don't have to do that just for me," Ridoc answered, almost automatically. "I thought you weren't into sex."

"I'm not, not exactly. Not the way people think of it. But I'm not into planning revenge on Henrick, and yet I like helping you with it. Because it's you, I guess." Ridoc opened his mouth and closed it again, and his throat bobbed like he was swallowing whatever he'd started to say. 

Watching him not talk was surprisingly adorable. Whether he was listening or thinking, his forehead scrunched up and he sometimes chewed on his lip like he was pouting. Ridoc could be a lot more than people seemed to realize; he was all over the place a lot of the time, sure, but when he did focus he was intense, like suddenly instead of being all warm, comfortable shades of brown I could see the frost in his eyes where his signet came from. 

But I needed to not get distracted, because he was talking again. "Are you okay talking about sex more than we have?"

"Yes," I said, because I was learning it was always yes with him, "but I haven't put a lot of things into words before, so it might be slow. Or I might say something and then realize I'm wrong."

"Most people are bad at talking about sex." Ridoc slid over until he was next to me on the bed. "Even people who fuck all the time! There's so many assumptions, guys who think everybody's automatically into the same things they're into, or people who will just get in bed with somebody but never say what they like best or ask their partner what they should start with."

"I thought everyone else just knew," I admitted, but it didn't feel like a bad thing when I was saying it to Ridoc.

Ridoc laughed. "When people ask me for sex advice, I have two things I always tell them. One of them is that if you want to be good at something, you have to practice."

"I bet most of them like that advice."

"You'd be surprised! A lot of people want to be good at things right off the parapet. It's more fun to think of yourself as a natural sex savant who's just instinctively good in bed, rather than as someone who's taken specific instructions about what to do with their tongue."

"What's the other thing?"

"It goes along with the first one, actually. It's talk to your partner. And I give that advice because people don't do it. I know this because a lot of people are surprised when I do."

I nodded at that. "So, what, as soon as I brought up something sex-related, you want to talk about it?"

"If that's okay with you, yes, I want to talk about it. Because I meant it when I said I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to get me off. Sex isn't — well, at least it doesn't have to be transactional like that. So, let's go back a little bit. What's sex like for you? What have you done that you enjoyed?" Ridoc slid so close he could throw his legs over me and he was practically sitting in my lap. He laid his head on my shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tighter against my chest. Like I was eight and he was my old sheep stuffie. "For me, it feels like sex is two different things that everybody else can do at the same time, and I can only do one or the other. I can focus on my partner or I can do the thinking that gets me off."

I felt Ridoc nod, his hair tickling my neck. "Can you tell me more about that?" When I glance down, I notice a bulge in his leathers. 

"Are you turned on by this?" I asked him, trying to twist my neck so I could see his face without making him move.

"Yeah, sexy talk is totally a turn-on for me." He huffed a laugh, his breath warm against my shirt. 

"Is this sexy? Or just about sex?" I was curious.

"Both. It's the same thing to me. And you are changing the subject."

"I didn't mean to," I told him, sighing. "Okay, so focusing on my partner is easy to understand, right? I'd just be touching you, using my fingers, maybe even my cock, but it's not about me getting turned on or staying turned on or whatever."

Ridoc nodded. "That part makes sense, yes."

"Actually getting off is much easier for me to do alone." It was hard to talk about it without the shame welling up about being selfish, or thoughtless, or rude. "I can't focus on a partner. It's like trying to control magic without grounding. I need to be… in my head, I guess. Like I'm watching through a window, like I need to focus on what I'm thinking and what I can feel."

I trailed off when I realized that Ridoc was watching me intently. A smile played on his mouth and there was hunger in his eyes that I didn't understand. "Do you know what that sounds like to me, Bodhi?"

"...Selfish?" Maybe if I said it first, it wouldn't sting as much when he agreed.

"No!" He shifted in my lap, pushing at my chest until I lay back on the bed and he was on top of me. Ridoc pushed his chest up so he could meet my eyes. "You don't sound selfish. You sound like a challenge."

I wanted to pull away, to leave the room, except it was my room and I didn't really want Ridoc to stop being on top of me. "A challenge to see if you can fix me?" I asked, still unsure what he meant.

"A challenge to learn what you like. What works for you. What if I said I wanted to learn to be what you need in all the ways, not just cuddling?" Ridoc was fully smirking now. "Would you like it if I kissed you?"

"Yes," I answered before I'd even finished processing the first part of the question, and Ridoc was on me like he was late to breakfast and I was the last sausage on the tray. There was that focus again, the absolute certainty that my mouth was the only thing in the world worth his attention right now.

And in that moment I believed him. I believed him when he said he wanted to learn me. I believed that I could be learned, not fixed.

If I let him, he would take me apart, not to put me back together, but purely to enjoy the picture I made as he did it.

I still wasn't sure it was possible, but I could tell Ridoc was sure. That, more than anything, made me willing to try.

[thesoulbound]

I have so many thoughts and opinions on Ian McKinley from Final Destination 3 that I have to put them somewhere! So here is a long, messy I-wouldn't-even-call-it-an-essay-because-wtf-is-this, but something along those lines!

I shall put it under a cut because yeaaaah, it's a rant .... lool

He's a character I feel like everyone either gets wrong or misremember from watching the movie years ago. There's nothing wrong with not liking the character; opinions are a thing, after all. But I do feel like defending him.

He's very clearly a character you either love or hate, and if you hate him, I've seen so many wonder how anyone can like him. Like, why is that even a question? Have you seen all the villains out there and the love they get and they do things so many times worse than Ian!

Okay, so like, first off. Liking a character doesn't mean you think they're flawless and perfect or excuse everything they do. No, it means finding the character interesting, the actor does a great job, and there are so many "what ifs" and "why did they do that?" They might even be the type of characters that if they were real, you wouldn't necessarily like them, but since it's fiction and entertainment—give it to me! Just the type of character I end up thinking about once the movie is done. The type of character you remember. The type of character that, if the movie had allowed it, could have been so much deeper.

Do you have to be reminded what a perfect character is? A Mary Sue. Perfection is boring, okay? No one is perfect. There's a middle ground, of course. There has to be something redeemable about a character usually for me to like them.

Nothing annoys me more in this franchise than when people call him a villain. He's even listed as a villain on certain pages. Like, wtf, man? This is the reason why I feel like people remember the character wrong from seeing the movie a long, long time ago or simply do not get the character at all. Hell, even I thought he was creepy as a kid, you know? But perception and time change things!

Like, up until him killing the pigeon, he's not even that bad? He looks like he (and Erin) genuinely tries to comfort Wendy with statistics before the rollercoaster because he's not laughing or mocking when they move on. He doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with what he says. For other people, me included, however, it's like, Yeah... statistics isn't going to help now, bro.

Same thing at the Ashes' funeral. He speaks out of place, but rather than being rude and disrespectful of the popular girls, he's actually speaking kindly of them.

"Equal... in death's eyes? All of us? How can you say that? Dude, think it through: Charlie Manson, made it to 70, Osama, still kicking. Pimps, vice presidents, walking around, all the atrocities they've committed, they're alive and well. These two girls, never done shit to anybody, they don't get to make it to 18. Where's the fucking equality in that?"

I love the little moments of breaking stereotypes in this movie, even if they're just tiny moments. Like the popular, usual mean girls, the Ashes aren't even mean. They're sweet and even try to include Wendy despite her not being in their friend group. Ian, the goth and outsider—the opposite end of the popularity ranking—doesn't talk shit about them. He says they didn't deserve to die so young because they never hurt anybody. That's not what most would have expected him to say when he opened his mouth. His voice even breaks when he says, "...they don't get to make it to 18." Yet haters tend to point out he's so mean for disrupting a funeral!

Which, yeah, don't do that. But to me it again shows when it comes to social etiquette, he's not very good at it. I've seen people suggest he might be on the spectrum or something, but I'm not going to go into that. I do not have enough knowledge to do that, and some do even try to use that as an excuse for things he does later.

Now, the scene most people hate, and I don't really blame people for disliking him after this, I just think it's sad. Ian killing a pigeon at work at the request of his boss. That in itself is not the red flag you might think it is. That has happened at my job too. A bird got into the store, and we had to get it out because of pests and shit, and we were a store that sold food. I didn't do anything, but my boss ended up having to kill it. The difference was that my boss didn't enjoy doing it. It was something he had to do. Ian does show enjoyment in killing the bird, and THAT is literally serial killer 101 dude. That's a massive red flag! I've seen people excuse this, but no. I don't care. This is such a red flag! I'm awkward af too, and I can smile like a crazy person when i'm on the verge of losing my mind because i'm stressed out. But I would NEVER laugh at killing an animal. If I saw that, I'd tell him to get some damn help, man.

I hate that moment too. It feels like they reached the end of the movie and went, "Oh, wait. It feels like Ian just lost his mind out of nowhere! We need to show him being a little cray-cray earlier on!" which, uhm, no, you don't. A young man witnessing his girlfriend die so brutally is plenty enough reason for someone to have a mental breakdown, buddy.

Another thing people tend to hate him for is him "trying to kill Wendy" and "Blaming Wendy." Which, with the first one, no, he didn't. Second one, yes. He is so wrong for blaming Wendy when she was just trying to help you and literally saved your ass when you were being a cocky little butthole. Like I said, while I love the character, he's very flawed. That's what makes him a fun character for me.

But NO he IS NOT what's going to kill Wendy in the end! People keep getting this wrong to this day! And I get why, because Wendy was wrong too, and the movie doesn't explain it. But it's so annoying. Wendy's photo shows just her with Jason and her shirt saying McKinley. They're in a town called McKinley. Their school is called Mckinley. The movie points out that Ian's last name is Mckinley! That's why the misunderstanding happens!

To put it simply, Ian is not going to kill Wendy because he's supposed to be dead. Death isn't letting people skip for funsies. Death is skipped because someone intervenes. If Wendy didn't save Ian, he'd die at the warehouse, probably with his girlfriend. Meaning he was never supposed to be at the tricentennial at the end. Wendy's shirt indicates to the cherry picker (even has the same shape as her shirt) that kills Ian because he gets in the way for her. So stop saying buuhuu he was going to kill Wendy. If he was, why is this his reaction to him realizing that's what she thinks?

If he's there to kill her, why is he surprised? He doesn't even have a weapon, and why, yeah, you can kill without weapons, but are you telling me this small fella' gonna kill Wendy with his bare hands with both Julie and Kevin right there with a lot of people around? Nonsense.

He's literally out of his mind with grief. He's had a full-on mental breakdown. He doesn't even know why he's there. He's literally yelling about what they have to do to stop this thing. He thinks he can't die! You can't look at this scene and tell me yaaah that guy's totally stable.

It doesn't excuse him stalking and blaming Wendy at all. No one is excusing that. But people who like him understand why he lost his mind, which haters seem to gloss over.

In regard to him refusing to believe anything Wendy says, sure it's annoying, but that's literally the reaction of 90% of the characters in the Final Destination movies. Ideally, they would believe them. That'd be very helpful. Personally, as someone who is a skeptic by nature, if someone came up to me and said we're gonna die one by one, I'd be skeptical too. I wouldn't be as dismissive and rude as Ian and Erin, but it is what it is. They are far from the only ones who don't believe the main characters. It's practically the pattern in these movies, including the new one.

And you know why?

Because "Seeing is believing."

Ian says so himself at the end. It's too late at this point. He's just sad. He's hurting. Obviously he doesn't move away from the falling cherry picker even though he has time because he doesn't care to. Just because he thinks he's skipped. Just because he thinks he can't die doesn't mean he wants to live. The same way when people ask if you're fine when you feel like shit, yet you tell them yeah. You're good. Or you're overworked and underpaid and feel like you're about to collapse in on yourself, yet all you can do is put a smile on your face.

And that's why I love the character. For a side character in an otherwise rather superficial franchise—that could have had a lot more depth—at least he leaves me thinking about him after the movie is over. Whether you love or hate him, you're still talking about him. You remember him lol.

If there's one thing people always bring up on why they love Final Destination 3, it's because they think the acting is overall better than in other movies in the series. Which is the same for me. I think Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Wendy, Kris Lemche as Ian, and Ryan Merriman as Kevin are wonderful.

How many moments in these movies do the characters either not react much at all or just react with the good ole' "shock gasp scream" when someone dies? Which is fine, but you gotta mix it up a bit. Everyone's just fine and dandy watching all these brutal deaths? Well, nah, there are some moments strewn in here and there where some characters react more realistically, but I do think Erin's death is on its own level. Ian, who's been cocky and cool most of the movie, is crying and screaming and then obviously has a full-on mental breakdown. Even Wendy and Kevin are crying despite not having been close to the couple.

Got a little sidetracked there, but what I'm saying is a great actor can make a stereotypical flat character on paper be a good one. Kris Lemche is an overall extremely underrated and overlooked actor, but also in this series. When people brag about the actors, it's usually only Mary that is pointed out, which is fair, she's the lead and she's great, but so are the rest.

*grumble grumble* he's not a villain!

The end.

[vobomon]

Berserk Meta Analysis: Judeau has Autism

Apologizes. Didn't think this needed to be said... but this post is my personal opinion of Judeau as a character and when I say he has Autism, it is a headcanon on my part. Thank you for understanding!

---

Autism is a neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn, and behave.

Seems pretty simple on the outside and many different forms of media (live action, cartoon, anime, etc.) have depicted rather standard forms of Autism.

Imagine someone with awkward social cues who has a hard time making friends and you got that standard depiction down.

But while most characters often fall into the traditional area with their depiction, it is important to remember that Autism is a spectrum-- which means there will always be exceptions to that traditional depiction.

One of those exceptions... is Judeau.

On the outside, Judeau would be seen as the anti-thesis of Autism.

He is excellent with social cues, makes friends with everyone, and is highly observant of the things around him. Whether they are details in the environment or cues that he is picking up from his fellow comrades, Judeau is often the first to notice things.

But as much as Judeau is gifted in reading people... when he is faced with Griffith, he finds an enigma of a man. All his amazing perception at being able to understand people... fails him when it comes to Griffith.

He clearly still understands Griffith.

He can point out traits of what Griffith reminds him about. But when he tries to put all those puzzle pieces together to formulate a solid idea of Griffith's character... he just can't.

So why might that be?

Because Judeau is Autistic.

Now while it is important to note that most autistic people will fall back on their hyperfixations when faced with conversation... because that really is the best way to communicate with others and create friendships-- right?

What if...

Social cues and observation... were your hyperfixation?

What if you found yourself obsessed with the need to understand people and what they do... because you never understood them from the beginning?

Well you might get someone like Judeau.

Judeau isn't reading social cues and observing just for the sake of being a "chill guy" who loves to make friends.

Using these traits that he has observed and the details in his environment, he has the ability to figure out WHAT people want and change the situation to better suit his needs.

While this may seem like manipulation at times, and sure, people love to say that if someone does try these methods then it is manipulation... Judeau does not see it that way.

When he talked to Guts about showing potential interest in Casca, he tried to explain to Guts that there was potential for them as a couple. But when Guts brushes it off, Judeau lets it slide.

He may have been trying to change the situation in a way that would allow Guts to stay-- by bringing up that Casca could be a potential partner for him, but when that doesn't work, he is happy to see Guts off.

It is also important to note that while he is trying to push Guts and Casca together as a couple, he still has feelings for Casca while this is happening.

Which brings us to our next point... Judeau's primary form of defense is through the use of "masking" his emotions.

When it comes to Autism, the term "masking" refers to individuals with Autism who consciously (or) unconsciously suppress or modify their autistic traits and behaviors. Whether it is to appear more neurotypical (non-autistic) or to hide their own thoughts and feelings when faced with a bad outcome.

Most people who mask have a default expression to resort to.

In Judeau's case, it is being "happy-go-lucky" and smiling. One might suspect that, in his case, the simple act of smiling is meant to deter anyone from catching onto his own inner thoughts and feelings.

As seen earlier in the same conversation with Guts, Judeau suspects there may have been more to the assassination of the Queen and while he had reason based on his initial perception... he chose to hide those reasons.

When put into a moment that he needs to "mask" his feelings, he choose to put on a smile and brush things off.

What really makes things apparent about Judeau's reliance on "masking" his true thoughts... can be seen during his final conversation with Guts -- after the former returned to the Band of the Hawk.

He doesn't show it outright-- whether to avoid hurting Guts' own feelings... but Judeau feels betrayed by Guts leaving.

Corkus was willing to tell Guts just how he felt about Guts leaving for a year and then coming back-- and it showed that many other members of the Band of the Hawk felt the same way.

But Judeau stayed silent. Maybe it was to avoid showing his own feelings at that moment-- something he might've seen as a weakness, purely from his own opinion.

But it can not be denied that Judeau did feel betrayal all the same.

Yet even when he hints at those thoughts of betrayal... he then quickly goes back to masking his feelings.

He returns to his default expression and "happy-go-lucky" attitude.

Even when talking about Guts taking Casca with him, he resorts to his default attitude-- almost as though trying to not show the cracks in his personality. He jokes and pretends like nothing bothers him.

Even when Judeau is dying during the events of the Eclipse... when he knowingly chooses to sacrifice himself to save the woman he always cared about... knowing that he could never bring himself to tell her how he felt because he couldn't let the mask slip...

Even at that last moment he has with her while he's still conscious, he doesn't tell her how he feels.

He doesn't let the mask slip-- not even once.

Which is probably the most tragic thing about this.

Thanks to his Autism, he never got to truly express himself in any way that wasn't conductive to the situation at hand.

He always had to pretend to be "someone else" to please the people around him and he used those social cues that he learned over the course of his entire life to help him better adjust his behaviors and become someone that could be supportive to others.

In conclusion, if you were put into a position where you'd have to learn the social cues needed to be a functioning individual, instead of being born knowing them already...

Use those social cues to know when to smile when it is needed...

Use those social cues to follow the rules set out by society when it is needed...

Use those social cues to perform when it is needed...

Which would ultimately allow you to act out the necessary "roles" to fit each and every potential situation-- whether that is "someone in need" or a "faithful comrade" or even a "friend who is there to lend you a shoulder in your time of need"

Thereby morphing your mannerisms... not to fit YOUR OWN feelings... but the feelings MOST USEFUL for the moment...

And that is why I believe that Judeau has Autism.

Because it goes to show that our little circus performer didn't just perform on stage.

His entire life was a performance.

And he never broke character.

[linmeiwei]

Do you really think Darcy and Elizabeth would be happy together? It's one thing to not care if an insufferable aunt doesn't like your bride, but it's very different when friends and peers start treating him like an idiot for marrying an unimportant and "tolerable" country girl. Also when he realizes that Georgiana will not be getting the same suitors that he would expect.

That's why I think their marriage is not going to be all that. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe Darcy would start being cruel or disrespectful to Elizabeth like Mr Bennet was to his wife. But to continue happily married? I don't think so.

Oh I strongly disagree! I think Darcy and Elizabeth would be extremely happy in marriage.

As to the social consequences of his marrying a tolerable country girl, I'm not convinced that they would be so dire. The Bennets' ruin was averted through Lydia's marriage, I'm not sure it would be talked about much in the wider world. More to the point, he has a powerful family in whose interest it would be, once the Darcy/Elizabeth marriage happened, to make sure Elizabeth was accepted in all the right circles. They'd likely ensure that Lady C didn't do or say anything to spoil the family's standing. We know from some hints in the novel itself that, once push comes to shove, even those who don't like Elizabeth and may know something of the Wickham fiasco, are too afraid to lose the privilege of friendship with Darcy to continue being a nuisance about it (e.g. Caroline Bingley).

We also know that Elizabeth isn't really only tolerable. She's charming, attractive and clever. I genuinely think that she'd actually make quite a hit once let loose in Darcy's world.

Finally, there's Darcy himself. I'm conscious that people interpret his character very differently to me (e.g. they think he's shy or anxious or on the spectrum) so this is very much my interpretation but… going by some of the descriptions we have of his character, he just doesn't seem like the sort of guy to let himself be swayed much by popular opinion. E.g. in this bit, which takes place in Netherfield, when Darcy and Bingley discuss each other's character traits (paraphrasing):

Darcy: When you told Mrs. Bennet this morning, that if you ever resolved on quitting Netherfield you should be gone in five minutes, you meant it to be a sort of panegyric, of compliment to yourself […] but I am by no means convinced that you would be gone with such celerity. Your conduct would be quite as dependent on chance as that of any man I know; and if, as you were mounting your horse, a friend were to say, ‘Bingley, you had better stay till next week,’ you would probably do it—you would probably not go—and, at another word, might stay a month.

Elizabeth: You have only proved by this that Mr. Bingley did not do justice to his own disposition. You have shown him off now much more than he did himself.

Bingley: I am afraid you are giving it a turn which that gentleman did by no means intend; for he would certainly think the better of me if, under such a circumstance, I were to give a flat denial, and ride off as fast as I could.

In another conversation, he says himself that "[his] feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them."

He's just not a volatile sort of guy. He knows his own mind, he knows Elizabeth's merits, and (for all his faults) he's the sort of strong type A that would see it as his responsibiltiy to captain his ship out of any storm rather than abandon it or feel annoyed with it for having got into a storm.

I honestly struggle trying to imagine any set of events that would be at all likely, in which these two were anything other than deeply in love, delighted in each other’s company and devoted to one another.

[thanostherappersupremacy]

About the Headcannon/Fan Theory that Branch is Autistic.

I first started thinking it a few years ago after I watched TBGO for the first time I didn't used to interact much with the fandom online back then.

but after I started doing so I was kinda pleasantly surprised to find out there were other people who thought the same I mainly have the HC about Tv show Branch.

due to certain behaviours and Traits specific to the shows but there are still signs for the movie version as well someone even did multiple youtube videos pointing the signs out.

anyway I figured the easiest way to talk about this is to go over the most common signs of Autism as is stated by NHS on their websites that could apply to him.

tho obviously everyone's different someone not having a few of these signs doesn't mean they aren't autistic

( also just noting this is a HC mainly for fun )

Getting Anxious in social situations and finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own

plenty of examples sure its also in large part due to the amount of time he spent avoiding people in his youth but it easily can be taken as an A sign as well.

in the episode "" Mr Glittercakes "" he invents a fake person just so he can have an excuse to blow off multiple social events and we see he tires of being social pretty quickly and easily.

in "" Fun Branch "" hanging out with the snack pack in his Home proves to be too tiring and stressful not to mention him stressfully micro managing everyone at his party at the start of "" Bye Bye Bunker ""

also in "" Two's a Cloud "" he was shown being pretty overwhelmed by spending too much time with people and also due to "" too much affection ""

I swear I will never get tired of that clip 😂😂😂😂 anyway it also ties in to the next common sign.

Aversion to Physical Contact.

again not every person on the spectrum has it but it is fairly common Branch improves after the first film.

but during the first film he'd literally Rather go to Bergen town with Poppy and Risk being eaten than stay in his safe Bunker and have to put up with Hug times from the other Villagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

and in TBGO he's still fairly averse to them when they travel the multiple dimensions the others are all Horrified when they come across the universe where no one knows what a Hug is

but Branch smugly suggests he's fine with the thought of them staying in that universe before the others drag him away lol.

also in the clip above he seems to have a mini freak out over too much Hugging and even stims a little from the looks of things.

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them.

bit fat yes in "" Peril Patch "" when playing Golf he planned out every minor detail obsessively before taking a single shot.

in "" Branch Bum "" he carefully planned out every detail of their Trip and was only actually concerned with the journey there and the journey back lol.

Not understanding Various social Cues.

this one kinda depends since Pop Troll society is so different from our own but given how in that world its Technically the Norm it does make Branch's lack of understanding a social failing on his part.

such as suggesting cutting the Twins Hair when they were having a Disagreement and Poppy stating that was a Social Cue most people would know.

plus in "" Eye'll Be Watching You "" when Poppy said she needed to think about it first before he could put his safety plants around the village

Branch mistook that to mean she would just think about it for a few seconds then and there and proceeded to stare at her with an adorable smile lol.

also just him doing generally odd stuff in public like screaming about how they will all die when the water dries up in "" Laugh Out Cloud "" and ya know Harvesting Baby Tears 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in "" The Makeunder "" where Branch Teaches Lownote how to act more like him so he can be less social and cool at Guy Diamond's party.

the things Branch tells him to do includes

1. avoiding eye contact during conversation and then overcompensating with an uncomfortable amount of intense eye contact.

2. talking on and on about your own interests not paying any mind to how Bored the other people who your talking to may be.

3. and doing things things such as laughing at inappropriate times when people are talking

aka showing the wrong emotional responses to specific situations and interactions. all of which are things which could be signs in certain individuals.

having a very fixated keen interest in a certain subject and area of expertise.

I'd consider his whole love of safety and traps aka engineering as well given he also builds other stuff such as helping build the Train the "" Cakes on a Train "" episode of Trollstopia.

and various devices such as the machine to pick what their new Holiday will be all of his various complex traps and of course Gary.

Poppy literally Refers to him as a safety nerd in the Birthday episode where she throws him a party where he gets to be the lifeguard its so friggin cute 💖💖💖💖

sure in large part its also due to his past Trauma but it kinda works as both imo he deffo takes a keen interest in this stuff beyond just feeling the need to do it for safety given he actively enjoys it.

also Trouble getting your tone of voice to match what your trying to say can be a sign,

which we see in one of my favourite moments ever from the first episode of Trollstopia where he tries to be genuine and supportive only to sound like he's being Rude and Sarcastic.

anyway those are some reasons and also moments that made me HC him as Autistic I'm not saying it was the writers intent or anything.

I think its more likely just a happy accident that he was written in such a way that some of the fandom interpreted him as having Autism.

anyway thanks for reading if your a fellow fan who has this HC I'd be curious to hear what it was about Branch or what specific moments made you start Head cannoning him as such?

[xjulixred45x]

Headcanons of ed,al and ling with a s/o that have a twin? And that twin is protective,like theyre total oppossites,reader is a meek,calm and shy person while their twin is more extrovert,grumpy and protective

Awwww this is cute! I have a Twin myself, so this is pretty much relatable for me

Edward Elric/Alphonse Elric/ Ling Yao x Reader with a Twin

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: neutral

Warnings: none really, Reader is shy while their Twin is grumpy. Fluff

Edward Elric

The funniest reaction of the three

First of all, I think that Ed's relationship with the reader works precisely on the basis that they are polar opposites.

Ed is the hard-headed and temperamental one, Reader is the one who keeps the peace and has a hard time even correcting when they give them the wrong food.

They balance each other in many ways.

However, Reader is definitely what one would consider soft by nature, so Ed himself has developed certain protective tendencies towards them.

The typical thing is to react more than them when someone makes them feel bad/insults them, encouraging them to take repercussions, etc.

Ed has enough anger for both of them.

I imagine that although Ed already knew that the reader had a twin, he had not really seen then due to work issues/they being in another division in Amestris.

However, Reader and he exchanged several anecdotes about their families, including those of their sibilings.

and Ed is definitely happy to know that there is someone else in the reader's life who protects them when he is not there (especially if the reader is a civilian who doesn't know about alchemy).

However, when the mix-up incident occurs, it definitely catches Ed off guard.

I imagine that Ed and the reader were planning to meet at the Amestris barracks, but it just coincided with the arrival of the reader's twin for some work matters.

When Ed started looking for the reader and ran into their, he was MORE than confused.

Reader? What are they doing in an alchemist's uniform? Since when? Isn't it too early? Why are they looking at him like that?

When Ed goes to ask the "reader" directly, he ends up encountering a cold and powerful: "Do I know you?"

TWIN FINISHED IT..

Ed would try to maintain his composure and try to ask questions but at the same time he NEVER saw the reader looking at him so coldly, he almost feels intimidated, like he was in trouble...

Fortunately for everyone, the real reader came to Ed's rescue.

and not only that, but also to greet their twin.

Ed saw with horror how the twin's face changed COMPLETELY when they was talking to the reader, a literal 180 degree turn.

Ed didn't seem to want to give him the time of day, and with the reader they were already catching up, laughing and chatting.

He definitely leave it like that🤯

I think Ed and Twin could get along well...in terms of work. If there is a mission that depends on them, then they will do everything possible to get along.

Outside of that... difficult.

On the one hand, they both can't stand each other (which is ironic considering they have very similar personalities) and constantly compete for the reader's attention.

It's like a game of tug of war. They are both super clingy and see the other as a sudden invader of their time with the reader.

Although Ed will definitely leave Twin and the reader alone when they are exclusively family days, it's like an unwritten rule (just like Twin doesn't get involved in dating).

They try to keep aggression at bay when the reader is present, because after all they don't want to make her angry or, God forbid, cry.

It's like a cold war.

Ed also continues to appreciate Twin's contributions to the reader's self-esteem. At least they have a good common topic to get along with.

Alphonse Elric

Bby boy baby

Al and reader are definitely like the opposite of Ed and his reader, mostly because they both fall more on the shy spectrum. It's just that Al is more social and less reserved.

Although that doesn't mean he has it easy, I can see him and the reader having problems in situations like when they bring them the wrong food and they both silently accept the order🤣 or at least try to help the other by removing what they don't like (this obviously after Al already has his body).

Al is the one who does most of the talking, he's used to it, apart from the fact that he wouldn't feel comfortable letting the reader talk knowing that they make themselves uncomfortable.

Since he can't sleep, get tired or eat while in the armor, I can definitely see him carrying the reader everywhere and being their personal shield:3 both from the danger and the world in general.

They also both LOVE animals and on more than one occasion he and the reader ALMOST get away with taking some kittens (thanks Ed..)

In general, Al is super sweet with the reader and has infinite patience with them.

He knows about the reader's family and especially their twin. Al tends to compare several of their misadventures with those of him and Ed (on a smaller scale) and he even finds it cute that the reader is so attached to their sibiling.

Continuing with the fact that the reader is not an alchemist, Alphonse is happy to know that there is someone in the reader's life who protects them both physically and emotionally.

He's probably more curious about this twin than Ed, and already knows in advance that Reader and their twin are practically identical, but Al is convinced that it can't be that bad.

That is, of course, until we get to the incident.

Probably in Alphonse's case, he ran into twin while they were a civilian, which made it even more difficult to tell them apart.

Al saw Twin in the distance and thought it was his partner, so, like the sweetheart he is, he went to greet them and give them a metallic hug!

When Twin started screaming and even going so far as to hit him, poor Al was SO confused.

Did he take them by surprise? Are they angry? Why the violence!?

Since he is not used to seeing the reader shouting so loudly, not even with a frown, that image will definitely stay in his head for life.

When Reader arrived, Alphonse was so happy to see that they were still as shy and friendly as ever, he probably even hid behind them (as ridiculous as it was considering the size of the armor) to escape Twin's wrath.

Al and Twin get along surprisingly well, mostly because while Al has an intimidating exterior, Twin realizes that he is a softie because of their twin, so they trusts him more than Ed.

but it doesn't mean that they have the same level of patience for him that they have for Reader, rather they don't have any tolerance EXCEPT for reader😅 poor Al..

There's also the issue of Al being, well, AN ARMOR for much of the series, so Twin is understandably worried about how this relationship might work (or how CERTAIN ASPECTS of it work...)

Although if we're talking about full-bodied Al, I can definitely see Twin being much more patient and understanding, hell, even helping him recover from going without food for so many years.

and by the time Al fully recovers, you could say that he and twin are friends. and which twin is more open to receiving it into the family.

All in all, he's doing better than Ed🤣.

Ling Yao

Tbh it's the less surprised about it, but not less funny to see.

For the sake of my sanity and the meaning of this scenario, let's say that Ling's partner is from Xing and probably stayed there when he left in search of immortality.

Ling may have met the reader through some clan, on his own, etc. but definitely from the beginning he naturally gravitated towards them because of their reserved and friendly personality.

They are like opposite poles in a more discreet way. Ling is super social and has no problem defending himself (or others) while Reader was much quieter and barely raised their voice.

Ling made it her personal goal to help the reader be more honest and so they began dating seriously.

Ling definitely falls into the category of clingy partner, especially physically.

especially with reader because he finds their shy reactions super adorable!

He also laughs a little at their exaggerated expressions when they are embarrassed, or when they turn very red.

Although he definitely does not make fun of them, he does everything in good faith and thus his partner gains more trust! He will definitely kick the ass of anyone who makes the reader cry.

Considering that the Xingense culture is based on the Chinese, I can imagine that Ling has already met the reader's family in the past, at least their parents to have permission to "court" their child.

and Ling is also very aware of the dislike that the reader's family may feel towards him. more than anything because of what would happen if he became emperor.

I can see the reader's twin believing that it is not a good idea to date Ling solely and exclusively because of the tradition of the children of each clan, they does not want their sibiling to be left with a broken heart because of something they cannot control.

So, when Twin formally meets Ling, it's not very pleasant.

Ling is the only one who doesn't technically confuse reader and twin, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have something to say about it (to lighten the tense atmosphere).

-"Wow! (reader) told me that you guys look alike but it's like seeing you in a mirror!"

something like that, he is partly surprised to see them in person side by side, but definitely not as much as the others.

and the only thing he gains is a loud SCOFF before twin walks away from him and reader, shuffling their feet.

Ling knows he didn't do anything wrong, but this is probably the first time "diplomacy" has bothered/distress him.

Of the three, Ling is the one who has the hardest time earning, at the very least, the respect of a twin. not because I don't try! but because twin has the typical Xingense standards.

I mean, Twin not only dislikes the idea of what will happen to Reader once he becomes emperor, but he believes that he is committing themself to someone who is not worth it.

And Ling left in search of inmortality(in Twin eyes, an ABSURD quest), it's like giving green light to these thoughs.

Fortunately, when Ling returns, apart from becoming emperor, he also manages (partially) to close Twin's mouth!

first of all, abolishing the law of marriage (that of the children of each clan, let me be happy) and he appears genuinely more mature than before, to the surprise of twin.

Before, Twin simply saw him as a bum, a scoundrel who happened to captivate his brother and who was lucky enough to be royalty.

but now, seeing everything he had done for Xing, for a foreign country, and that he still always came back to reader...you could say that speaking the heart of a twin.

They don't get along at all. Ling and twin definitely shouldn't be left in a room alone for more than 5 minutes (unless you want them to tear each other's throats out), but Ling KNOWS that twin does everything out of love.

and boy does he understand it. So, for now, they are fine.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[catras-breakup-song]

i’m not gonna lie… i’m lost here. is this supposed to be an 4nt1/cr1t1c4l post? if so, i genuinely don’t understand the point being made.

is it that playful banter is a bad thing? is it that being too hands-on violates unspoken boundaries? the message is so unclear to my autistic ass…

oh, wait, OP provided tags:

so aside from the fact that they are absolutely not sisters by default, least of all canonically (even if you do interpret them that way somehow), nor was it ever intended by nate stevenson, i’m still having trouble figuring out how this is problematic.

in which ways is lighthearted touch totally contradictory to passionate kissing/caressing? why can’t partners who are dating do both, especially in different cultural environments such as the horde where intimacy is discouraged and friendly sparring with familiar peers is a safe expression? if it’s so different, what are we as the audience supposed to interpret from their style of physical affection by the final season? side note, but aren’t we supposed to consider the latest version of anything in general as the most accurate?

now i have a question lol, did you take this moment literally at her word, and all the other times she repeated it?

also, my friend just pointed out that this is the classic homophobic talking point of "they seem to just be very good friends! they were roommates!" lmao. i've never agreed with accusing anyone who cr1t1c1z3s catradora of lesbophobia, which i'm not doing necessarily, because that's simply not how it works, however i found this funny and partially true so i'm keeping it in.

the lip bite was included unintentionally 👀

anyway, as i’ve discussed on this blog before, i’m very arospec and it’s inseparably intwined with my identity itself; i also project that onto catra. something we often bring up in that community, is romance-favorability (as its own spectrum of range all the way to blatant repulsion btw) — which is a personal preference that’s defined as exactly as it sounds like and occasionally revolves around fictional depiction as separate from one's own reality — and arguably more importantly, amatonormativity — which is an arbitrary set of rules for romantic expectations set up by an alloromantic society. this is typically thought of as common denial of the idea that someone could actually want to separate themself from needing a life partner in marriage, but can very much be applied to an annoying list of what draws the line between romantic & platonic relationships. that line is very individualistic and is to be decided on such a level only, and it doesn’t even get into what queerplatonic means, a concept saved for another day!

my point is, the OP seems to be trying to claim that catradora objectively cannot be read as romantic because their dynamic growing up & early-on in the story doesn’t perfectly meet socially-constructed standards of what that should look like. i say we need to eradicate those standards altogether! it’s up to catradora to decide what they are, if anything specific at all, not us as the audience — assuming they could’ve had the words at their disposal to knowingly describe it. going back to my earlier paragraph above about how limited they were in the fright zone, i’ll borrow a quote from a comment i made on one of my recent reblogged posts (which is a great meta on how their mutual desire was uh... definitely not platonic):

"Catra and Adora’s desire for one another is shown in a variety of ways, mostly indirect. There are a lot of glances - until season 5, not the kind of open leering at one another that we’d seen between other characters. Mostly it’s fairly playful - wiggled or cocked eyebrows, glances at each other while smirking, that kind of thing, or really intense and somewhat angry glares when they’re fighting."

it's really bothering me that i can't recall where i read this from before, but someone analyzed before how, growing up, catra & adora didn't have a good sense of how to label their relationship with accurate terminology despite being subconsciously aware that they, whether they knew the other reciprocated or not, loved each other "like that." unfortunately, they couldn't further explore it because such love & affection was seen as a punishable weakness in the horde, so they resorted to the only safe option they seemed to have, which was subtle body language and play-fighting as [testudoaubrei-blog] described above.

also, since this screenshot is included in that post... i would be amused to read an explanation of how THIS LOOK from catra is "platonic with a capital P", because i'm not even sure if it's up for debate to be quite honest with you:

ESPECIALLY with the "i always have!" line (which 4nt1s like to doubt, but i don't care, it's official!):

[sokkastyles]

Zutara Month Day 9: "You're Married?!"

The council had been at a standstill for what felt like hours. As firm as Zuko stood on the issues of importance, he had ended up making several accommodations for the high-ranking officers and nobles who were slow to accept change, and even slower to accept it from Ozai's traitor son. One general, in particular, had been making snide comments all day about Zuko's interests being compromised, using the phrase, "in bed with the Avatar," in a way that made Katara's skin itch every time she heard it. She couldn't tell if Zuko didn't notice the implications of what the man was saying, or if he was merely trying to keep up the pretense of social norms. He had become almost scarily good at doing such, bowing and smiling in a way that made Katara almost suspect he had been possessed by some interloper from the spirit realm, it was so unlike Zuko, although he had learned from Iroh. But the other members of the council definitely noticed, and the man's comments were increasingly earning titters from several of the Earth Kingdom ambassadors, even though their reasons for disliking Zuko were on opposite ends of the political spectrum. It seemed that no matter who he tried to please, Zuko was making enemies in every corner. Even when Katara tried to turn the conversation back to what we are doing, reminding the officers that this plan was for a new world that would benefit the Fire Nation as much as the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, they ignored her.

"The only thing I can't quite figure out," the general who had been making the rude comments all morning said, "is whether our Fire Lord here is the Avatar's pet, or whether the Avatar is his catamite."

That brought an equal amount of scandalized gasps as it had stifled laughter, but both were just as damaging. Katara couldn't take it anymore, and from the look of things, Zuko had finally reached the end of his patience as well, his face red and - was that steam coming out of his nose? Oh, no -

Katara hastily grabbed his hand in an exaggerated gesture, which had the effect of startling Zuko out of his fuming and forced them all to look at her. Good.

"How dare you," she began, "make such crass comments about my husband."

"You're married?!"

That certainly brought gasps from around the room, but no laughter this time. Zuko was standing very still next to her, his eyes wide.

Just go with it, she mouthed to him, squeezing his hand in reassurance in what she hoped looked to the rest of the council like a loving gesture.

[bigskydreaming]

So I've been following 911 more regularly lately and gotta say, I think they lean into the Tommy/Buck age gap a little too much. Like when it has them acting like these characters are from entirely different generations, its a problem IMO, because its warping the shape of Buck's coming out narrative.

Standard disclaimers that this is all just my personal opinion, interpretation, I am not the boss of anyone and I'm rooting my stance in my personal experiences as a bi man not to declare My Authority over bisexuality and everyone's lived experiences, but just as my personal frame of reference and start point for engaging with this. I am not saying every bi person's experience is like this or Buck's MUST be like this, I am saying I Am Dissatisfied and Here Is Why. Okay. That out of the way....

My specific gripe is that I feel 911 is a bit too confident that because they (I assume) have LGBTQ+ writers on staff, they are above being weird about bisexuality, but they've had the characters say and do some things regarding Buck's coming out that aren't Ideal and in general it just feeds into my impression that they haven't put much or any thought into the fact that repression for a bi man can and often does look different than repression for a gay man.

Even more specifically, I'm pissed off about how there's no examination of Josh's speech to Buck about growing up in a post-Glee world.

Because here's the thing about their ages: I literally looked Buck's up after I watched that episode recently, because I was sitting there thinking wait, how old IS he supposed to be? Because I thought he was in his mid-thirties. And he is. Apparently Buck was born in 1991. I'm forty now myself. Buck's like six years younger than me. I'm supposedly comparable to what Tommy's experiences growing up would be. And I'm bemused as hell that the show keeps acting like Buck's formative years were that far removed.

Ignoring the "lol, okay" bit about treating Murphy's other show as the One True Watershed Moment for the social acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, Buck would've been eighteen when Glee STARTED. I promise anyone who wasn't around at the time that people did not all sit down and start ushering in a queer golden era when Season One dropped. Buck didn't even go to college, he was off on his near-decade road trip, he was twenty-four when gay marriage was legalized, like....

This guy did not grow up in a world that was ALREADY shaped by the things they keep talking about making it easier for him than Tommy. His formative years did not happen that far behind Tommy's. He was already out the other side of the toxic wasteland that high school locker rooms and internet boards were for closeted and repressed teenagers in the first decade of this century BEFORE all this stuff happened.

GROWING UP IN THE KIND OF HOMOPHOBIC SOCIETY THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT HAPPENED TO HIM TOO.

Its almost like. Its kinda WHY he's a grown man in his 30s only now coming out?

It shaped him just as much as it shaped Tommy. It just shaped them DIFFERENTLY.

Look, acknowledging that there is room in the spectrum of human sexualities and experiences for peoples' sexualities to adapt and change in various ways or degrees throughout their life, the show seems to be trying to have it two different ways when it comes to Buck's sexuality. On the one hand, they weirdly keep acting like Buck's attraction to men was just sorta simmering on the back-burner, waiting to hatch until here and now and he's "lucky" that his bisexuality waited until times were nice and progressive to finish baking, so he didn't have to go through the stuff Tommy and Josh did. On the other hand, every actual line from Buck used to describe himself or his sexuality screams "this man has been bi all along and just didn't realize it until now" which.....that's literally repression? The show is saying he was repressed, that he was so deeply closeted even he didn't realize he was bisexual until last season.

He didn't luck out and only become bi when it was nice and safe to do so, he was always bi and just hid it from himself UNTIL it was safe enough for him to feel secure pulling that awareness back out and examining it as a possibility for himself.

He flat out says "I mean I've always admired a hot guy's ass but that's normal right" - like that is a literal admission that he's been aware of the appeal of the same gender, he just talked himself into rating this No Big Deal.

But at the same time, we're talking about the Undisputed Reigning Champ of Oversharing. The King of Look How Good I'm Allying, Am I Doing It Right, Someone Plz Tell Me I'm Doing It Right. The master of seeing a conversational boundary and leapfrogging over it like he's treating hopscotch like an Olympic fucking sport.

Yeah people have commented on the possibility he's been flirting with guys for years (further indicative of yes, this man has been bi all along), but where in all of that was Buck chiming in with "oh yeah, that guy's hot" in the name of making sure everyone knew just how cool he was with people being gay and how not a big deal and normal it was for him, A Straight Guy, to affirm when other guys look good, if he ACTUALLY believed it was normal?

Its because he didn't, IMO. On some level, Buck was aware he found men appealing. And on a deeper, more internalized level, he was aware that no matter what he CONSCIOUSLY said to himself to reassure himself that he was absolutely a Straight Dude and this meant nothing, it was NOT in fact "normal" to check out a hot guy's ass and his admission of that WOULD result in people asking him some questions he was not prepared to answer or acknowledge yet.

That's repression. That's being in the closet. That's him actively being shaped by a PRE-GLEE world, same as Tommy, just in different ways.

Like let's be real for a second. As much as people have had to say about the person Tommy used to be, what Buck's coming out narrative could really use is a look back at the guy HE used to be. And NOT just in the banal, non-offensive "I used to sleep around, I didn't know what I wanted, but now I do" kind of way, but in the acknowledgment that Season One Buck was kinda not great. He wasn't AWFUL, mind you, but like. I say this with fondness for the character he's BECOME, but if I weren't aware that Season One was intended as a Not Ideal starting point that he started out at TO maximize his growth, like on a surface level, Season One Buck's behavior was off-putting and can and did result in people (perfectly reasonably) being like yeah this guy does not appeal to me. He was an overcompensating dudebro douchebag. He was out there checking off every single possible box on the Make Sure Everyone Knows How Straight I Am to-do list like it was his second job.

And I don't say that with judgment, I say that with "if we're going to scrutinize how the homophobic society Tommy grew up in shaped him, why aren't we doing that with Buck too instead of pretending like he somehow magically skipped being affected by all that and just stumbled into being freshly bisexual on the other side of all that mess."

I can't speak for anyone other than myself or my own experiences, so I have no ability to personally relate to what Tommy's experiences in the closet were or how he viewed or came to first acknowledge or admit his own sexuality to himself. But I can say as a bi guy, the thing about MY awareness of my attraction to the opposite gender when I was a teenager....is that since it overlapped with my awareness of my attraction to the same gender, I hyper-focused on the former and dialed into it in an effort to convince myself that it was proof that obviously I was straight and couldn't be gay, because if I was gay I wouldn't be attracted to women. Duh. Basic math.

And that's what Buck's coming out narrative is missing for me, both in canon and fanworks. Its not about whether he had it as hard as Tommy or if his coming out is easier or anything like that, its literally just....he was there all along too. Homophobia and biphobia were impacting him this entire time. Him not acknowledging this until now is not proof that he somehow skated by or they just missed him....him not acknowledging this until now is BECAUSE they DIDN'T miss him. They buried him so deep in his own closet, HE wasn't even willing to face it until he reached a point in his life where he felt safe and secure enough in himself and his support network to examine this part of him once someone - Tommy - gave him enough of a reason TO take notice again of the kinds of feelings and attractions he'd long since taught himself to ignore and not rate as worth a second thought on account of "it meant nothing" and "everyone does it" and "it doesn't actually mean or say anything about ME."

And I mean, given who Buck is and how he grew up, its not exactly shocking that a kid desperate for parental love and approval that he couldn't seem to get no matter how he behaved or what he did to try and "earn" it.....upon realizing that he was experiencing attraction that according to his surrounding society marked him as 'other' and 'deviant' and 'not normal' and all kinds of things that make it even MORE unlikely to "earn" parental or friendly or societal love and approval.....of fucking COURSE he was gonna run in the opposite direction of that awareness and slam the door shut behind him as he did. Clinging all the more tightly to any and all awareness of attraction he could point to as 'proof' to himself that he'd been mistaken to think he was anything other than straight.

So yeah. That's what's pissing me off about how the show's treated Buck's coming out. There's been zero examination of the fact that like. How and when he grew up absolutely left a mark on him, same as any queer person in their thirties....it just left a different kind of mark that's not interchangeable with the experiences of the other characters on the show. This new side of himself he's exploring didn't just HAPPEN to reveal itself seven seasons in, it didn't reveal itself until then because he'd been repressing it until then. That matters. That repression is as vital to his understanding of himself and the person he was and the person he grew up to be as his awareness and acceptance of himself as an out bisexual man is here and now.

Admittedly, this post was brought to you by happening across one too many fics that have Buck look back and clock his past crushes on people in high school and his twenties as actual crushes, but in an "LOL thats so funny that I didn't get that, how dumb am I" kinda way instead of the aching, painful way that many gay or bi/pan individuals can attest to looking back at earlier crushes and thinking what could've been if society hadn't conditioned us to either not be aware of what we were feeling or too afraid to face it or act on it at the time. And yeah, that's a personal hang-up, but like.

I just am really uncomfortable with how much the show and parts of fandom keep leaning into the Himbo Buck interpretation to play up 'lol cant believe I missed this until now' angle instead of examining that hey, none of this happens in a vacuum. Buck is in his mid-thirties and there are REASONS he 'missed' it until now. And again, with acknowledgment that everyone's experiences and formative influences are different, you can't just completely discount the possibility that those reasons include "growing up in a homophobic society" and "not feeling safe or secure enough in his surroundings, support network or sense of self to openly acknowledge and explore this aspect of himself until now."