#they were a hyperfocus of mine for a while

[sockeyesoren]

capitalism really popped off with these

[tfw-adhd]

How long does a hyperfixation usually last? I always thought I was weird because mine usually lasts between hours or days—very rarely for months. While others I’ve met usually say their hyperfixations lasted for months. Sorry if you’ve answered this already 🥺 happy holidays

Sent Jan ‘22~

They can last from days to months, sometimes even a few years. If one only lasts for hours at a time, that’s a hyperfocus rather than a hyperfixation.

The difference is that hyperfocus is a mental state - it’s an extreme focus that will last for hours at a time, and when you have to stop what you’re doing that focus breaks.

Whereas a hyperfixation doesn’t break when you stop doing the thing. It brings an emotional response because you get attached to the thing, and become obsessed with it.

(Eg. You can hyperfocus on cleaning your room for hours. You want to get it done, and you’re in the zone… and then you get interrupted to eat dinner and find it difficult to go back to it. There was never an obsessive need there to clean your room, you were just in the zone. Whereas if you hyperfixate on a game, or a book, you know you love it and are constantly thinking about when you can next play.)

[sephirthoughts]

Hi! I hope you had a good day today.

For the ask game, what are your thoughts on 5 and 9 for Sephiroth?

I did, thank you! I hope you had a good day, too!

ON TO THE BURNING QUESTIONS

5. Sephiroth is such a wonderful layer-cake of pathologies, it's so fun to dissect the impacts on his personality. He is autistic-spectrum, hyper-intelligent, alienated, deeply insecure, and feels he has no 'place in the world'. Despite his insistence, under Jenova's influence, that he's the chosen one and meant to rule the world, he has rock-bottom self-esteem and almost no sense of self. He knows he's different but he has no idea who he is. Add being raised in a lab, horribly abused, and treated like a weapon rather than a person his whole life, and there's not a lot of Sephiroth left.

This would affect his living space in that it'd be generic, impersonal, highly functional, basically empty, serving its purpose as a place to rest, and nothing else. Has place to lie down, has place to shower, has place to dress=meets criteria. I doubt he'd notice if there were even blankets on the bed. It's a Sephiroth storage container, more than a living space. Which is terribly sad and now I am sad. BOOOO ME

Whether he's messy or not is another question. He honestly strikes me as someone who hates disorder if he ever thinks about it. The problem is, he does not think about it. He has executive function issues (see: his bout of manic hyperfocus in the archives, where he had books just strewn everywhere and didn't eat or sleep or bathe for days), and is generally unaware of anything pertaining to his own self-care, including messiness/dirtiness, unless they become a nuisance that disrupts his current fixation.

When he was being raised in the lab, he was a child, so there were people who cleaned, cooked, washed his clothing, etc., and in SOLDIER they definitely had people to take care of those kind of domestic things, so they could focus on training. Hence, he never learned to clean up after himself.

All of this wouldn't matter much, in a living situation with custodial services, but if left to his own devices, his combined lack of awareness, neglect of his own needs, and inexperience with such things would create a perfect storm. He'd forget to take the garbage out, never pick up after himself, not do the dishes, have takeout boxes everywhere, and have no idea that dusting, mopping, vacuuming, etc. even exist as concepts. I think his living space would be kind of awful. But he wouldn't notice.

That is, until Angeal comes over, has seven simultaneous brain aneurysms, leaves and returns with Zack and cleaning supplies, and they spend the next ten hours deep-cleaning the place, while Sephiroth insists it's not that bad.

9. This accords so nicely with number 5! Because he'd be a terrible roommate.

-He'd be quiet, courteous, and never have parties or eat your food, but he'd leave stupid long silver hairs all over everything (the less said about the bathroom shower drain the better), never clean up after himself, and act confused when asked to do so.

-He is definitely the type to always be forgetting his house key. Like, he may as well not have one.

-He leaves that stupid, ultra-sharp, nine-foot-long sword just LYING AROUND WHEREVER. Someone is going to lose a foot.

-He thinks he's a great cook and likes to share his talent with people, and he's too sweetly sincere and excited about it, so you can't bear to break his heart, and you wind up gritting your teeth and smiling through a plate of sticky, pasty, mushy pasta, with sauce made from frankly baffling ingredients (you put walnuts in the marinara? ohhhh...how…interesting. is this an anchovy?).

-He casually says absolutely horrible, emotionally devastating things, without realizing they're horrible. Example:

person: my mom was so forgetful, she always used to burn the garlic bread and she'd mix up my brother's lunch box and mine half the time

sephiroth: haha yeah, i know what you mean. on several occasions, Hojo forgot to send someone to change my IV, when he left me strapped to an exam table in the basement lab for multiple days, and i nearly died of dehydration and malnutrition

person:

sephiroth: parents, right?

-Lastly, Sephiroth absolutely never wears a shirt and in fact doesn't even own one. This is not an annoying habit, this is the habit that makes all the other ones worth putting up with.

[minty-the-witch]

Mental and Spiritual: Different Sides of the Same Coin

Howdy everyone! 

I’ve been MIA for a while because my life has just been absolutely crazy lately. I’ve bounced around from Airbnb and hotel with my family while our house is being repaired (from a house fire). I also changed jobs during this period. All this to say, my mental health has just been in the gutter as of late. 

I did some reflection, and I realized that part of my problem was that I was neglecting my spiritual side during all this chaos. I began by getting a new tarot deck from the local Barnes and Noble. Once I began doing readings again I immediately felt better, but I was still rusty when it came to the readings themselves. I was doing okay, not great nor terrible. 

Something I have always struggled with is balance. Balancing all aspects of my life has been a challenge. Sometimes I would go all in with my writing, and neglect other areas like my spiritual work. Other times I would hyperfocus on spiritual things and my “real life” would suffer. I still don’t know a very good solution, other than to keep trying. I started journaling, but it was hard for me to keep up with that too. I take my meds every day but sometimes it feels like that doesn’t help.

Obligatory I am not a professional, seek help if you feel you really need it. 

Spirituality has helped me so much, it’s hard for me to even explain. It makes me feel whole. Whenever I read a spiritual book, or meditate, or do tarot I find myself closer to peace. I believe that humans were never designed (or not evolved) to sit at a desk job all day or on your feet for 8+ hours at a tedious job. Whenever I’m at my fast food job, I don’t even feel like a person. My good friend has a job in her field (biotech) and even she is miserable working 9-5 every day. 

I feel like people have grown to cut out that spiritual side of themselves, for various reasons but for the purpose of this post I am going to blame late stage capitalism HAH! Our society does not put much stock into spiritual growth or health, or mental health for that matter. I think that both are absolutely vital. In my own experience, I think they go hand in hand. Two sides of the same coin. When my mental health is shit, my spiritual growth suffers. And visa versa. 

That is why I am making it a personal goal of mine to read more books and try to do one blog post a week. No idea what I will talk about, I don’t know that I have much to say - I’m definitely not an expert in the occult by any means. But I will give it a shot. 

What are some things to help rekindle the spiritual fire?

For me, my love is always tarot. I love helping people with readings as well as doing some for myself. It feels so magical to do. To feel that connection with the cards and the universe. I am not a tarot expert yet, but I feel the vibe of the cards to the best of my ability. By that extension, I would suggest doing something that helps someone else!

Another thing that helps me is a spiritual cleanse in the shower. I wash up with very strong intentions of washing away the dirty negative thoughts and energy. Then I will spend 5-10 minutes just standing or sitting under the water, meditating. I connect most with water (despite being an earth sign), this may not work for everyone. 

When I lived in a different neighborhood, there was a cute little forest park nearby. Whenever I was feeling negative I would go for a walk through the woods and just vibe out to the playlist of the day. I took in the energy of the forest around me. I grounded myself almost every time with this one specific tree that felt especially magical. (I even found little spirits there!) 

Something you can do almost anywhere is classic meditation. Although it's hard to do when you have company. My favorite meditative tool is the app Calm (I’ve also used Meditopia in the past). But there are free ones available too, like the app Moonly, and also if you have Spotify you can find good meditative tracks! It’s hard for me to clear my head, as I am an anxious person, but once I get in the groove of things it certainly helps. 

Speaking of groove, doing something you love that gets you in that flow state is always helpful for your mental and spiritual health! For me it's writing. Writing is a kind of magic itself, at least that is what my guides have always told me. The ancient Egyptians certainly believed so. 

The key with any of these things, is to have the intentions of rekindling your spiritual fire. If you just do these things without the aim of that connection, well it's just good for your mental health and there’s nothing wrong with that. Like I said before, I believe they go hand in hand. Having the proper intentions and confidence is half the battle in magic. 

[doberbutts]

Also being a bit pedantic here but I don't "complain about the way white trans women act" because I don't think being white is inherently a bad thing. I complained about two specific white trans women who were actively treating me in a racist and transphobic manner while also saying that I know, talk to, and even like and am friends with several other white trans women who do not behave in that manner.

I've also specifically been talking about intra-community violence regarding POC vs POC, and I've been talking about how a few white, presumably cisgender coworkers have treated me as well as when a white cis woman called the police on the scaaaaaary black man training his dog and how my interactions with cops at traffic stops has changed and how society treats me now as a black man vs before as a black girl.

A white trans woman is who mentored me in my transgender theory and also who wrote my letter? Why would I hate on white trans women? Race is morally neutral anyway and the majority of trans women I know and interact with are perfectly fine at worst and dearly beloved friends at best?

Anyway my blog isn't about complaining about white trans women, it's about a hyperfocus on a special interest of mine and sometimes I also talk about my life or my thoughts on other topics when I don't have anything interesting to say about dogs.

[bonesandthebees]

hey. it’s been a while :) not sure if you remember me but i just wanted to pop by and say that i will forever cherish your writing. your fics gave me a lot of comfort through a very dark time of mine, and reading about the silly fictional brothers made me feel a lot more excited and joyful in a world where i felt very lonely.

whenever i would read your stories, i couldn’t contain my very very dramatically fun reactions that i would say out loud to myself in my room (jumping up and down, screaming, crying, gasping, monologuing to myself, etc). i read so many different AUs and oneshots of yours and i couldn’t get enough! your work is so wonderful and i am AMAZED and how you can create such high-quality writing in a surprisingly short timeframe.

i loved clinic so much that i entered a 30 hour state of hyperfocus where i COULD. NOT. put it down. ruined my sleep schedule but it was so worth it!! and then i read it all again 2 days later. and then i read it AGAIN out loud to my friend over discord so he could enjoy it too :) i recommended world forgetting to a friend and it destroyed her (/pos). i kept recommending all of my friends your fics because they were all so wonderfully entertaining and had a level of quality that was hard to find elsewhere.

i loved clinic, world forgetting, stars, 17 hours, the vampire au, the mermaid au, and starman (?) (the horror one with the giant eye) and i’m sure there’s plenty more that are slipping my mind.

i’m currently in a place where i cannot decide if i’m even able to separate a content creator from his character. even the characters have been soured for me and it’ll be very tough to separate them. i hope i can, because they brought me so much joy in the past, and so did your writing :)

over the past year and a half or so i’ve been so lucky to be blessed with an absolutely wonderful girlfriend that i love very much, and i feel a lot less lonely and a lot more lighter. i’m more active in the real world and i’m doing more things that i love. because of this i’ve distanced from dsmp and unfortunately haven’t had enough time to fully understand qsmp (which is a shame because i love quackity and have been watching him quite literally since 2013 and he is very dear to me). but!! i still rant and rave about your stories to my girlfriend and i even got her to read clinic :)

ANYWAY… very long ramble hahah but all of this is to say that your work was very important in my life and even if i’m going to distance myself from this fandom, i will always love and cherish your writing!!! thank you for your labor of love and i won’t be forgetting about you anytime soon!!

i hope you’re doing well. take care of yourself!! have your favorite cookie!! sending hugs! <3

and ps, the scene where siren has his identity revealed is still one of my fav scenes in writing EVER and i still think about how beautifully tragic it was <3 i think about it a lot. u made me cry for like 45 minutes how dare youuuuuu hahah

I hope you know before I even read this ask I saw the url and immediately went "oh my god lostmellohi it's been so long I've missed them!!!" so, don't worry, I remember you very well and I'm so happy to see you here again!

it makes me so happy to hear how much you've enjoyed my writing over the years. hearing stuff like that only makes me more confident in my decision to not take down any of my stuff regardless of recent events. I never want to take away something of mine that has given you and others that much joy. these stories are mine first and foremost, but as readers they're yours too. they've given you so much enjoyment over the years and that can never be taken away from you.

I totally understand what you mean about being unsure if you'll be able to separate the cc and the character in the future. it's not an easy thing and right now I get the urge to wince every time I read wilbur's name, even if it's in the context of c!wilbur and/or a fic. I believe it'll get easier for all of us with time, so don't worry about it too much right now. it's only been a week since shelby's stream happened. feelings will settle.

congrats on the girlfriend!! I hope she enjoyed clinic lol. I'm so happy you've been doing better though and have been able to do more things that you love. enjoy that kind of stuff whenever you can. qsmp isn't going anywhere and you'll always be able to catch up whenever you have time.

thank you for this it genuinely made me so happy to read. wishing you the best for things in the future and I hope you take care of yourself <33

also, yeah, whenever I think back on the siren identity reveal I'm like damn I did pull that off really well huh. lmao so glad you enjoyed :)

[stoopid-turtle]

BTS In Order - April

I've looked for timelines of the bts before, but what I've found relies heavily on video clips, many of which I don't have access to. So I decided to make a text-focused timeline in English for the bts because I'm all up in my hyperfocus.

I mainly used this playlist on billibilli, though I also looked at a few other playlists (I didn't keep links, I suck). If I came across a video/reference w another date listed for the clip, I added the alternate date in parenthesis at the end. I chose to primarily follow this playlist bc it has a LOT of clips, has clips for every day, and doesn't have anything that immediately jumps out at me as wrong. I also cross-referenced with accio-victuuri's BJYX Timeline bc it's the most complete English timeline I've seen, and I respect the effort involved. And I ultimately I triple-checked against this weibo timeline. Again, alternate dates noted in parenthesis. Not all sources always agreed.

(the note on the primary playlist has this as its explanation of its dating: 广告以官宣日期为整体依据,若跨年度拍摄,则以最新发布日期为依据整理。Which Google translates to "The advertisement is based on the official announcement date as a whole and, if shot across the year, on the latest release date." I can't parse that so *shrug*)

I've listed out the bts scenes by date. I try to describe the known scenes, though I don't list out in detail EVERYTHING that happens (if I say "Xuanwu cave, bondage conversation", I assume you all know everything else that happens around that moment)(Though sometimes I get hype and fangirlish in the descriptions). A lot of scenes were unknown to me, so I tried to describe the setting, costumes, and vaguely what's happening. Most of the scenes I did recognize had more to the clip than the ones I've seen translated.

As none of what I watched had translations, I can't provide much context with that, I'm afraid. I also do not think these are in order within a day. I don't have any way to tell, so the timeline within the day, itself, is probably wonky.

I only included bts for the most part, not stuff the boys were doing outside the production. Everything's color coded. Scenes with only gg are in red. Scenes with only dd are in green. Scenes with both are orange (yellow just isn't readable, sorry). (If there's text with no color, just assume it's the same as the last colored text)

I wrote this literally by going back and forth between billibilli and Google Keep, so the notes are a little off the cuff. Let me know if you have questions or if you don't understand something. Or if you can't identify a particular bts scene you're curious about.

People are also completely free to take this and flesh it out if they want by adding the non-bts stuff. Any mistakes are mine. People are free to correct it as well. Basically, consider this public property for other turtles. So take it, make it your own, create a comprehensive google sheet that details everything in pretty color-coded order with media links that are cross-referenced, filterable, and sortable or whatever (PLEASE SOMEBODY DO THIS).

No need to credit. If you feel you have to, just say a stoopid turtle did it.

4.9-4.13 gg only - some group get together. The casting director is speaking to the group. this is where the clip of gg crying comes from. I don't see DD there. - Also boot camp stuff! 4.11.18 ggdd - table read (alt 4.5)

4.16.18 ggdd - opening ceremony (alt 4.6) - Dd only stuff at cloud recesses with lhk and uncle - Gg only stuff at burial mounds with yb and wq

4.17 ggdd cloud recesses punishment scene - Balancing sword on fingers with lhk - Sword point sand game - Burial mounds scene-inside cave. With wq and DD. Gg falls into DD's arms (wq shows her needles) - As a note, gg already doing the in and out sword thing as a kinda fidget while going over lines on his own - DD yells about needing to take a shit from off camera. GG looks directly at camera

4.18 ggdd - burial mounds outside scene. In forest. A-yuan hugging DD's leg and rocking him around. - While gg is reheasing, DD asks "Why are you being so fierce to me?" and apparently uses a cutesy way of saying 'me'. - GG and DD talk about Produce 101 - Also clip where gg is holding small white fan and yelling out in an exaggerated fashion while giggling - Night, DD looking at lhk's phone over his shoulder

4.18 gg only. Wwx in black getting ready to leave cloud recesses (jyl and jc in white)

4.19 ggdd at cloud recesses. Chatting while gg holds white fan - gg only - Jian trio with JC and GG running around JYL. GG and JC stare directly at camera. GG says "It's like looking in a mirror." - GG and DD talk about the difficulty of portraying LWJ across the timeskip.

4.20 ggdd - masked gg w lil apple. Confrontation with jc. Dd also there. Lots of sunscreen spraying (or bug spray?)

4.21 Gg only. Across table from lhk

4.22 gg only. In yi city w jin ling and other juniors.

4.23 Gg only. Gg talking to camera while holding white fan. He's drinking from a can

4.24 gg only. burial mounds. All villagers with him. - Gg only. Near river with mask - Gg only. Eating off-set with jc and wq.

4.25 gg playing flute while looking intense. Two handheld fans blowing on him (can't see who's holding them) - Ggdd - more cloud recess lectures. Both of them talking to Uncle and lhk - Gg takes a look at DD's Jade pendant.

4.26 ggdd. Also jl. Everybody in cloud recess robes. Director sits in front of them and talks. - ggdd sit on either side of director running lines and talking about the scene

4.27 gg only. When jyl and jc. Cloud recess dress. Eating soup. 4.28 DD only. Wire work. During wen attack on cloud recesses. - gg only. Burial mounds with wq and a-yuan

4.29 ggdd under tent, watching playback, then standing with head together but each on their own phone - First black fan appearance!!!! - ggdd running lines outside mianmian's house. Each has person holding umbrella over them. - ggdd outside, DD blue robes, with jl. I think they're filming the scene where they spot the dire owl -DD and jl play slap hands while gg gets bored (alt 5.10) - ggdd. In open area with a line of parked cars in bg. Dd does that thing where he gathers up the back of the wig and his blue hair shows underneath. - ggdd filming the binding scene. Ggdd swordfight. Gg jump real high - cut line where wwx suggests calling the binding "bing di", which apparently relates to a married couple - ggdd. Gg rides lil apple while DD leads. Husband wife scene. Gg new fan. Light blue. - GG and dd (and later JL) commiserate about insects flying in their eyes - Apparently a famous scene of DD staring at gg and DD's assistant noticing - ggdd DD is doing the sword in and out thing while walking. Gg walks up from behind, grabs the sword, does it a couple times himself. 4.30 gg only. Yi City. With juniors and a-qing - DD only. With lhk. Lhk show DD how to play guqi

I'll do an index post for these once they're all up. right now, I have notes through July, and I'm working on formatting May for tumblr (tumblr formatting is so frustrating yall). Will post as progress continues!

[naneun-no]

Forget touching grass, go kiss somebody.

Long rant ahead, you’ve been warned 😬

For a community that relies so much on reading peoples’ body language and tells, the majority of BTS shippers seem to have a concerning lack of understanding of how actual humans living a life work.

I swear. Y’all will sit and analyze the hell out of three seconds worth of slowed-down content, but ignore any and all context, extraneous factors (aka concerns that don’t have anything to do with romance and can make someone appear upset, closed off, or just plain tired) and everything that happens after those all-important three seconds.

Looking at you, anons who I’ve seen all pressed over the fact that in the We Photobook Sketch, Jimin was initiating most of the Jikook moments. Some of y’all are insecure jikookers, some are from another ship trying to have a gotcha moment, and some are probably just new to things, but… keep in mind:

1. Content isn’t always released in chronological order.

Yes, this photoshoot behind the scenes is the most recent content released, but that doesn’t mean it’s the most recent thing that happened. @kanmom51 had a great post about this whole photoshoot, and took a guess that it happened around Sep 2021. I think that’s probably right, based on haircuts/colors and piercings. Which would mean this “distance” between JK and JM that you all think you picked up on took place BEFORE: JK getting his attendance stamps in JM’s room all day every day in late 2021, the infamous and adorable “should I come see you?” birthday vlive, and the ass-grabbing, forehead-touching, finger heart-giving, bridal-carrying Jikookery Foolishness Fest that was PTD Las Vegas.

And just because late 2021 and 2022 was a gold mine, and because I know y’all try to dismiss concert behavior as fake fanservice, it was also before: “I’ll keep holding Jiminie ✋😛🤚”, “happy birthday BRO,” the attentive giddy love sesh that was aerial yoga, and this flirty ass conversation:

So… try to orient content on the timeline before making judgments based on it. It will save you a lot of anxiety.

2. Learn the difference between focus and coldness.

Not always, but in general, JK seems to (I’m gonna use an ADHD term because I have it and I strongly suspect he does too but obviously I don’t know for sure don’t come at me) hyperfocus on things, particularly when it’s something like a work photoshoot where there are likely a lot of staff around and there’s a job to get done. Yes, he can goof off at work with the best of them, but for stuff like this (which had a stricter, more professional vibe than say, filming a Run BTS ep), he’s almost always the more reserved one, while Jimin seems to have an easier time shifting between his silly, flirty side and his fierce professional model side. The man can turn it off and on like a light switch, while JK seems to have a harder time shifting his attention and coming in and out of “work mode” (also an ADHD thing, just saying). So yeah, we see JM making eyes at JK in between shots, we see him turning toward JK while JK keeps his gaze on the camera. To me, this does not read as JK being disinterested in JM. It reads as “I have a job to do and I need to stay in the zone or I’ll look dumb as hell in these photos and I’m too pretty for that.” Just my take 🤷‍♀️ Which brings me to…

3. Context is everything.

My spouse and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We still have moments where we are over-the-moon into each other, and we also have moments where work takes priority, where we aren’t as attentive as we should be, where one of us wants attention and the other is focusing on something else (not saying that’s necessarily what was going on during the photoshoot, but it’s possible and a much more reasonable conclusion than JK suddenly falling out of love and JM not noticing). If someone were to make a short video recording us on any given day, our interactions might vary. We might look super close; we might look a little distant. Because real humans in real relationships have normal fluctuations like that. If assorted, curated clips from a 7 minute video (think about that — that shoot probably lasted 4-5 hours at least, and they showed us 7 minutes) are your basis for deciding whether a couple is broken up or still together, you’re basing a whole lot on very little. Which is why I say…

Go Kiss Somebody

Like, not without their permission, but you know what I mean. Go experience falling in love, go connect with someone else and see how every little facial twitch you or they make is not evidence of the deterioration of your whole relationship. When shippers try to make a ship sink or sail based on the micro-expressions on someone’s face during a zoomed-in, slow-mo, three second clip, they reveal that most likely, they’ve only ever experienced romantic relationships in the context of novels, fanfic, tv shows and movies. In other words — stories. Because in a love story, every little detail truly IS about the romantic plot line, otherwise the editors would have cut that superfluous stuff out, because they’ve got a story to tell. But real relationships aren’t like that. Real relationships aren’t streamlined love stories with rising action and a climax and a resolution; they’re real people living meandering lives that happen to include immense love. And that’s the difference. Shit, that’s a whole other post…

[wundergeek]

(Art very much not mine - visual inspiration collected from Pinterest, which sucks for attribution. You can find the board I saved them to here.)

I've teased lately that I've been working on a new project that I recently broke 10,000 words on. Thanks to a visit from the Demon of Hyperfocus (I plotted 80% of the project in FOUR DAYS), I'm ready to talk about it in a bit more detail. It's a novel! Genre: uh... trans polycule witch romance? No title yet, since I'm the fucking worst at those. Since coming out as trans nb, I've just been sick to death of the only romance stories in media being the same straight romance stories over and over again. And sometimes if I look REAL HARD I can find stories about queer men, and I can squint and turn my head to the side and sort of pretend they're about me. This has been especially painful this past year, while I've been going no-contact with both my mother and some of my in-laws over their refusal to respect my gender and pronouns. And so, just like with many of my games, I finally decided that I have to make the stories I need in the world since clearly no one else is going to. Writing is going pretty well. This is actually the fourth novel I've written; I got pretty serious about finishing two of the previous ones, but they were set aside because they were tied to deeply terrible people I didn't want to think about. I've even done the scary thing and enlisted a pre-reader willing to yell their enthusiasm at me so I can overcome my depression and keep writing once the Demon of Hyperfocus loosens its grip a bit, which will definitely happen around the midpoint. ...which I'm sort of looking forward to tbh

[iramadierf]

hyperfocus

i wrote hyperfocus while falling out of centre frame. we danced a volatile dance stretched over a border. the pandemic was ending, but so were we. it left a fire in me burning.

the creative process began in my childhood bedroom one night, keys and mic in hand, pen and paper at my side. i had to pull it out of me— the grief, the anger, the shame. i didn’t want to censor it, i just wanted it out.

i started working on my debut ep a couple months after that initial purge, this time newly relocated to montréal. a new language on my tongue. a new apartment, all alone. i'd never written a body of work before start to finish. a sonic carving of worlds. hyperfocus marked the very beginning of the ep for me. track 01. that's all i knew.

in studio, i wanted the chorus to mimic the delirious heaviness that knotted my forehead to my chest to my stomach IRL. at homy, we recreated the sensation with the moog swelling in and out as my vocals cried and swam around. we played with the sound design of my lead vocal to sonically express my disorientation by first introducing my vocal line with a doubling effect that slowly dries out into a singular lead as i bend into my chorus lyric. gab and clem gave it serious depth. they gave it body. production felt like soul relief, blurring the lines and dimensions of sound and painting exact emotion. a true and unique catharsis i’d never experienced before quite like that.

hyperfocus will forever be a special healer of mine. it will forever bring me back to that place in time. back to my childhood room, april 21, 2021. dancing alone. purging the grief of it all. calling my mom in to listen.

[fightabear]

anyway, re: convention. here's my debrief and i have three weeks until the next one. the grand total earned was about $1,300. which isn't terrible for a two day event! but i won't lie, it is less than i was hoping for. i didn't get as many commissions this year and that's a bummer because doing those is my favorite part. i would legit do them for free if i could but THAT'S NOT GOOD BUSINESS SENSE

my setup still needs tweaking - i think i need to learn harder into the commission portion of it. someone was suggesting maybe i do need two tables and i'm going to look into that next year.

more details under the cut because this got long.

but man oh man has it ever improved. i made less money this year than i did last year, but that was my own fault. i didn't advertise myself as well. plus a snowstorm hit. and my table helper kept just getting up to leave or getting deep into conversation instead of helping me watch for folks and left me very ?_? please notify me so i know i need to watch for clients.

i'm also going to add some more discount options since word of mouth is how this works best. i had some plans to lean into that but they fell through because i went really hard on the charms this go around.

i still ended up being the one greeting people & engaging them and that might... just be how it is! i'm a huge extrovert offline (and a shy introvert online) so any time i saw a cosplayer i recognized the hype kicked in. and i think as soon as i added my dungeons & discounts option (if you get a tabletop commission and tell me the story from the campaign you get $5 - this helps prevent awkward silences! i don't mind drawing in front of people but i find it a lot easier if they're engaging with me, it's like - less pressure? because then i can talk to them while i draw and it ignores my adhd to hyperfocus and work harder at capturing the essence of their character) that helped a ton because people would see a whole party of people at the table recounting the tales of epic adventures end up wanting to get in on that.

i might just need the help friend to be there to process sales and maintain the waitlist.

some highlights: there was a group of cosplayers that kept walking by my table and i recognized 2/3 of them and was excited about it, and as they were walking away i realized the third was a bigtop burger cosplayer and i like had to call them back to ask if that's what they were cosplaying. i think i made that person's day because they were so so so excited someone recognized them. i handed them some of my prototype sailor moon design stickers bc i forgot i even had them with me and they were so excited. i ended up giving out a lot of those just for the hell of it because people got so excited and also commented that the design is incredibly cool which means i need to get off my ass and do more of them.

i kept trying to do a walk of the hall but i'd stop to just ooh and ahh over people's work. things got so busy during the day that i couldn't get up and go buy stuff so i'm hoping that they'll be at the next event too.

and man, i have like! regulars now! people who make a point to stop by my booth to get a comm. they were so excited when i remembered them and i was so giddy they remembered me. and man some folks just came by to chat! and i made friends? folks are local to me. being a WFH adult means that i don't get many opportunities to hang out with people and i feel like those skills atrophied over the last three years.

i got to catch up with my favorite professor from college who said she was genuinely impressed by the evolution of my art (its my 10 year graduation anniversary in may, christ) and was really really amazed by my setup. i told her i was promoting the hell out of the program all day. i got to see classmates i haven't seen in years and we're making plans to have a big week long anniversary party in the summer.

i also had another (former) professor (not mine - but he taught many many many of my friends who have all said he's notoriously difficult to please - great guy but holds things to a high standard) run behind my booth to check out how i had things set up. when he popped back out in front, he grinned and gave me a thumbs up and said it was "very impressive" and my friend turned to me like "are you on cloud nine or ten right now?" and i was like - wa - wait i know that who was that and he was like THAT WAS SANDY! HE NEVER COMPLIMENTS PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

i guess people were talking about my setup and how quickly i work. and the art guests for the convention - according to my friend at least - also think my work is impressive?

it's funny how much can change in the span of a year or two... i think i had quietly retired my dreams of ever doing something with my art because i knew what my strengths were but i had no idea how to correctly monetize them.

i do know this: i'm going to go ahead with the comic i've been planning. this is entirely original, not a fan comic. it's going to be a queer vampire x werewolf horror/slowburn romance set in atlantic canada. two main couples a wlw & a mlm ship with an extended cast of varying identities. there are themes i want to explore about the gentrification of the maritimes and greed leading to environmental destruction, with chapters from different character perspectives to show a different side of atlantic canadian life that are very much not mine to tell so i would want to get guest writers who have that lived experienced to tell it.

there's a few things that stuck with me, little lines i'm gonna remember forever. someone said they're surprised i don't have a comic - and then followed that up with saying my art is "a full meal" not just a "snack" even when it's just a sketch.

and my college friend's wife - who shares my first name - was like oh you're the one i've heard so many stories about! and i was like - stories??? what stories?? because in my head i'm the houseplant and the wallflower.

it is still very strange to feel seen and to realize you are perceived, especially when you tend to make yourself small because you feel awkward for how much space you tak eup. i think for years i've assumed i'm the person that's always just kind of... there in a situation, literally even if it's a party i'm throwing. or if i've found a cool thing to do and i'm inviting a friend, they're going along with it because they don't want to go alone and the experience of going there is the thing they want and not the experience of going together. the pandemic and the isolation definitely didn't do favors for me, and oh boy did it not when a lot of it was spent in a really toxic relationship.

this was a reminder that people are wonderful and want to be around me, and reaching out to engage with them is what i need to do. they want to hang out with me and get to know me, and if my 30s are going to be anything it's going to be letting them get the full me.

[raphaelapproves]

I do not want to terrify any of you or myself with the sheer number of blogs I have, but the ones tied in with Baldur's Gate or easily adapted to it will be listed all together in this post [ and I will probably add/link it to it in a pinned post on my blogs as well so it's easy to know what blogs are mine ].

First, to explain, I get hyperfocused on things and end up with a ton of muses [ Tolkien, Marvel, DC, mythology, gaming, etc ], and each one [ usually, though some are constants ] goes dormant for a bit while I hyperfocus on another thing--and sometimes manage to mesh and adapt several things into whatever the current thing is, as witnessed by spareastory because I still love all the things, my focus has just pivoted. I periodically cycle back around again, usually when some thing has perked back up the braincells in regards to that thing. Sometimes multiple co-exist at the same time, sometimes they just keep to a cycle. Sometimes it's a little of all of it.

My brain is just like this. It's always been like this. I have a wheel of special interests and it spins to whatever has the most to keep the braincells interested. The last long-stint hyperfixation was Overwatch and that was eight (8) or so months. Before that was Final Fantasy VII. Baldur's Gate is going on seven (7), I think, and I don't see it going away anytime soon because it has everything I love to write and I can adapt so many of my other favorite things into it.

So I know I have a lot of blogs and, trust me, I don't expect anyone to follow all of them, but that's kind of the explanation as to why they're here and why I share them from time to time.

With that said, here is the list of the current BG3 and related blogs in case any of them do appeal to anyone, a sort of menu, as it were, to pick and choose from as, when, and if you like:

ACTUAL BG3 BLOGS

@thishouseofhope // MAIN // Raphael and some HoH NPCs

@dirgeforthedead // MAIN // Perhaps slightly canon-divergent Dark Urge

@morethandarkness // MAIN // a drow multimuse for canon, original, and adapted

@spareastory // MAIN // a catch all multi for BG3, anybody who doesn't have their own blog; Canon, original, and adapted muses present [ Among these can be found Counsellor Florrick, Guex, Asharak, Rugan, Klaus, Tiernan, and Alan the Bartender, as well as muses adapted from WoW, mobile games such as Raid and EverLegion and Path to Nowhere, as well as muses from film, television, other video games and literature ]

@thefaithbroken // SIDE // Zevlor

@immenselytalented // SIDE // Rolan; may or may not just shift to my multi, we'll see. I do really love the url but.

@darkeningdawn // SIDE // OC daughter of Lathander

@stalwartprotector // MAIN // Halsin, but he's been very quiet so he's basically on hiatus

@theperilsofadventure // SIDE // This is going to be a multi/experiment in very loose DM'ing to an extent for little mini adventures within BG3 canon/verse, if anyone is interested. I just got a bestiary book and there are several beings and such that interested me, like the Old Man with the Canaries, Stone Giants, Storm Giants, etc. And, of course, owlbears and such. I have never DM'd and I do not know any official rules. This would basically just function like an RP account, but a condensed version of what I do with my many accounts, as explained in this post here.

@lathandertolight // SIDE // Lathander

@selunetoguide // SIDE // Selûne

@kelemvortojudge // SIDE // Kelemvor

MISCELLANEOUS

@andpassageprovide // SIDE // Thanatos, adapted from Greek mythology // SIDE

@lionofthealliance // MAIN // King Varian Wrynn from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@neveraguardian // SIDE // Khadgar from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@glamglitterandgoblins // SIDE // Jareth, the Goblin King; I'd say he has a BG3 verse, but it's pretty much just his regular verse but with access to BG3. Jareth is Jareth. I draw heavily from the movie, but also the comics that released regarding a prequel to Labyrinth. Great comics, if you haven't read them

@nosehabladebruno // SIDE // Bruno Madrigal; was a main, moved him to a side so that I could write him more easily, absolutely will have a BG3 verse

@lovebeyondproof // SIDE // Alice and Cyrus [ who is a genie ] from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland; its main verse can basically fit right into BG3

[douglysium]

Steel Berserker: John Henry (WIP)

*Note that all information in this profile is subject to change at any time.

Class: Berserker

True Name: John Henry

Nickname: Steel Berserker, Berserker, John, Johnny, Steel Drivin' Man, Steel Driver

Characteristics

Species: Servant, Heroic Spirit, Human

Gender: Male

Height: 4 feet or about 122 meters

Weight: 101 pounds or about 46 kilograms

Blood Type: Unknown

Place of Origin: Unknown

Birthday: Unknown

Age: Unknown

Personal Information

Addresses self as: Boku

Likes: Work, good work ethic, never giving up, perseverance

Dislikes: Not working, taking breaks, resting, bad worth ethic, giving up

Talents: Singing, humming, having a good sense rhythm

Natural Enemy: a steam-powered rock drilling machine, people who slack on their work, lazy people

Image Color: Iron gray

Affiliations

An unknown mining company

Family Members

Unknown

Servant Stats

Type: Heroic Spirit

Source: Folktales and Songs about John Henry

Region: United States of America

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Hidden Attribute: Man

Armaments: Large hammer, pickaxes, mining helmet, and other mining equipment

Known Summoning Catalysts: A piece of one of his hammer heads, a pickaxe he used, and a rock from a tunnel he dug

Qualified Servant Classes

Lancer

While he is not a master of fighting and combat he can let loose a mean hammer swing. His strength is so great and his technique so masterful that he can swing just about any hammer with a force that outshines the strength of any normal war hammer. His mastery of how to use his iconic long hammer counts as a type of polearm, akin to that of a war hammer. In his Lancer form his alignment is Lawful Good.

Berserker

It appears that during at least a portion of his famous race against the infamous high-tech steam drill he became overcome with a form of madness in his unwillingness to lose to the machine, even at the cost of his own life. His Berserker form seems to be obsessed with working and completing his job and will often hyperfocus on anything he perceives to be his job, even if doing so comes at his own detriment. If he can’t complete his job it might go on a rampage.

Parameters

Strength: A

Endurance: A

Agility: C

Mana: E

Luck: C

NP: C++

Class Skills

Madness Enhancement: E+

In the case of John Henry at E rank this skill causes him to become more focused on working and completing whatever he perceives as his job. As long as he is performing the said job all his parameters, except for Mana and Luck are raised. When this happens veins can be seen bulging around his body in strain and his body becomes slightly red due to the abnormal amounts of blood flow. If something gets in the way of his work the skill’s effectiveness will increase but he is unable to talk or think about anything that doesn’t have to do with the perceived job.

John can hold a normal conversation quite easily when he is “off the clock (not working on a job)” but while he is working on something he views as a job he will become unable to talk or think about anything that doesn’t have to do with his job in some way. So a mutual understanding becomes extremely hard unless one can convince him that what they are talking about has to do with his job.

Personal Skills

Mana Burst: E

A skill that allows a servant to gain an increase in performance by infusing one’s weapons and body with magical energy and instantly expelling it. To put it simply, recreating the effect of a jet burst by expending large amounts of magical energy.

John Henry’s Mana Burst is only E rank so all it really does is create a small burst of energy in order to slightly increase the force of his strikes, this effect becomes more noticeable when striking with a weapon of good make.

Tunnel Navigation: C

A skill that helps prevent confusion, disorientation, and getting lost when traversing through underground caves and tunnels. At high enough ranks users of this skill will always be able to find their way back to the surface. Servants who were miners or something similar in life often may have this skill.

With this skill Steel Berserker can always backtrack his way flawlessly through tunnels and caves even if the environment radically changes or there seems to be no identifiable landmarks.

Battle Continuation: C-

A skill that allows for the continuation of combat after sustaining mortal wounds. It will also reduce mortality rate from injury. This skill represents the ability to survive and/or the mentality of one who doesn't know when to give up, consisting of one's strength of vitality in predicaments. It is also one of the powers of a vampire. The best result is achieved when a resilient body is combined with this skill.

John is one who does not know when to give up and will continue to try to complete a job even if it comes at the cost of his own health. The story of John Henry says that in his race against the steam hammer/drill he never gave up or wavered and pushed himself so hard that when he finished the race he died from overworking his body. He is someone who believes that he has a duty to complete every job he is given but this skill drops in effectiveness if he feels he has no job to do, as he will feel aimless and lose some of his fighting spirit. This skill can help hold superiority in prolonged battles or jobs.

Magecraft: E-

A skill that denotes servants who have knowledge about modern Thaumaturgy/Magecraft.

Surprisingly, John does seem capable of Magecraft and even has a basic understanding of it. However, his Magecraft skill ends up being extremely low ranked since he only knows how to perform reinforcement in order to enhance the strength and durability of his weapons and body and despite how difficult reinforcement is to learn he seems to lack any knowledge about other spells or how they work.

Valor: C

A skill that negates mental interference such as pressure, confusion and fascination. It also has the bonus effect of increasing melee damage. Unfortunately, it is not usable under the effects of Madness Enhancement so it is not really worth discussing in the case of Steel Berserker. It is a skill that is supposed to raise the strength of his hammer swings.

Noble Phantasms

Steel Driver: I'll die with this hammer in my hand!- Rank C++(Anti-Fortress), Maximum Number of Targets 1~20

This Noble Phantasm is not the entirety of his hammers but rather only the ornate heads of his two hammers. It is unusually powerful because, despite not being a Divine Construct, it appears to be similar in existence to the legendary hammer Mjölnir that the famous Thunder God Thor of Norse mythology wielded. Steel Driver was seemingly inspired by the legendary hammer and was built by someone in an attempt to replicate its power. However, due to not being a true Divine Construct its power pales in comparison to the real Mjölnir. Its weakened state also means that Steel Berserker does not need to wear the Megingjörð and Járngreipr to use it. Despite the similarities to Mjölnir, the hammer is also a manifestation of John Henry’s legend as the “steel driver” given form. Whenever the hammer lands a strike it unleashes a small blast of lightning which can shatter stone with ease and launch rail spikes and specialized drills with the force of a rail gun. This also gives John a surprising amount of range in combat.

Upon releasing this Noble Phantasm’s True Name John can release this hammers’ full power. It embodies his legend as the “Steel Driving” man who helped carve out tunnels and how he raced a steam drill and won. This means that when the True Name is released John will swing his hammer(s) and, upon contact with an object, the concept of a drill will burrow through the target before a concentrated beam like explosion that is reminiscent of the black powder and explosives that were used to blast apart rock is created. As a steel driver John would pound a handheld drill being held by someone else into the rock. Eventually, the jobs of John and countless African-Americans working to dig a tunnel were put in danger with the invention of a “steam drill.” John, the strongest, fastest, and most powerful man working on the railroad, raced against the steam drill to prove that he and his fellow workers could drill a hole through rock faster than the drill could. Using two heavy hammers in each hand he was able to pound a drill into the rock so incredibly hard and so incredibly fast that some say he was able to launch the drill 14-feet into the rock with each swing despite the drill supposedly being meant to go no further than 9 feet. However, John overworked his body and died of exhaustion after beating the drill. This Noble Phantasm’s True Name release can be used to blast a hole through entire mountains or fortresses in moments but it always comes at the cost of his life. Its true function is that of a Broken Phantasm, like that of Arash’s Stella, which only adds to the ability’s power. When the True Name of John’s hammer heads are released the triquetra symbol at their center also expands in the form of a holographic-like projection and anyone hit by the hammer will have a drilling blow dealt to them. While using this Noble Phantasm John will sing to the beat of a song, typically one of the many ballads and/or “hammer songs” dedicated to him.

In life these hammer heads weren’t as strong because John was a human and by the time he tried to use their full power to beat the steam driving drill he had already burnt through most of his energy. As a servant John can use these hammer heads to their fullest.

“I’ll finish this job no matter what boss. I’LL SMASH THROUGH STONE AND ENTIRE MOUNTAINS IF I HAVE TO!! EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!!! I’D RATHER DIE WITH THIS HAMMER IN MY HAND THAN GIVE UP!!! STEEEEEL DRIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!”

“One last job huh….? Don’t worry, I’ll finish it even if I die with this hammer in my hand. STEEL DRIVEEEEEEEEEEER!!!”

Miscellaneous Skills, Abilities, and Equipment

His skin, even without reinforcement magecraft, is incredibly tough and many describe it as almost being rock-like and rugged to the touch. His muscles also seem to be unnaturally tough and resilient. He has silver freckles that resemble flecks of metal such as iron or steel.

He is usually seen wearing mining clothes and equipment. Which is complete with torches, a hard hat with a headlamp, hand drills, and railroad spikes as well as pickaxes. He also carries dynamite, flashlights, and pickaxes. He carries different types of hammer heads so he can swap them in and out as needed. Sometimes he will just throw some of his extra hammer heads as heavy projectiles if needed as a way to catch opponents off guard.

He is a talented singer.

His blood pressure is absurdly high and any open wounds he receives will cause blood to spray out. He doesn’t seem to mind though.

He has an immense appetite, mostly because of how hard he is working most of the time.

Background

John Henry’s stories, like many tall tales and songs, have many different variations each with their own nuances big and small. However, as opposed to many ancient legends and myths John’s story tends to be a lot simpler. While typically, being remembered purely through tall tales would prevent a figure from being anything more than a phantom, unlike stories such as Paul Bunyan, John Henry is believed by many to have been real or at least plausible to some capacity. As opposed to something purely fantastical.

The story goes that John Henry started out life as a slave, being born into enslavement as a child. Even as a child he would dream of hammers and often played with both toy and real hammers. He was described as being “born with a hammer in his hand.” However, since as early as he could remember, he had dreams of being freed from his enslavement and this came true when the Civil War came to a close and he was freed some point afterwards. However, he quickly realized that someone needed to provide for his friends and family so that they could enjoy the fruits of their freedom so life was still not easy. Work was hard to find and racism was still rampant. John constantly looked for jobs and one thing led to another. John became obsessed with working, taking on as many jobs as possible in fear that if he didn’t one day he wouldn’t be able to support his family or himself. Overtime, this also gave him a sense of purpose, worth and pride. His entire identity and self-worth became tied to if he could work and provide. If he couldn’t work then he was simply dead weight. 

One day he came across a man who wanted a railroad dug through a mountain and any man who signed up would get 50 acres of land if they managed to complete the railroad. This kind of land could change the life of almost any black person at the time forever and could allow for John’s loved ones to live comfortably. So John signed up for the job.

Out of all the people who signed up for the job John was without dispute the strongest, fastest, and most powerful man. He could smash drills and stakes clean into the rock and earth they were digging into with one clean swing of one of his heavy hammers. Despite this, the process of digging the tunnel and putting down rails was an extremely dangerous job even for John due to the use of explosives and the risk of the tunnel or rocks within it suddenly collapsing at any time. Plus, the air was often thick with noxious gas and fumes and there was also always the possibility of other accidents. During his work John saw numerous workers dragged out of the tunnels screaming from injuries, pain, and/or trauma, and those were the lucky ones who didn’t die. Occasionally, he would witness lifeless bodies being pulled out of the tunnel. Many couldn’t even be brought home to their families and were simply thrown into makeshift graves near the mountain. Most of the people who were injured and died did so in an attempt for a better life or to support their families and that thought broke John’s heart. 

John’s strength and speed was inspirational and many of the workers rallied around him as he gave them hope that the tunnel would one day be complete and that they could get their promised land. John was also a great singer and would sing along with his coworkers to lift spirits and encourage them to work harder. The rhythm of the song also acted as a guide for the proper rhythm/pace of the work. This helped ensure that they wouldn’t work too slowly but also wouldn’t injure themselves by pushing themselves too hard. Some of these songs apparently acted as inspiration for many of the “hammer songs(a type of work song)” that revolve around John Henry. 

John’s job when building the tunnel and railroad was that of a hammerman. Which involved working with a “shaker.” What would happen is that the shaker would hold a chisel-like drill against rock while the hammerman would strike the hammer with a blow. Then the shaker would begin to rock, wiggle, and rotate the drill in order to optimize the bite of the drill and help dig into the rock as the hammerman swung away. The job of a hammerman was also known as “steel-driver” due to the fact that their job was to drive steel drills into rock. Hence, the epithet of “Steel Driving Man” that John would earn. John Henry’s skill with wielding a hammer was so great that rumors once again spread about how “he was born with a hammer in hand.”

Despite the grueling labor, the workers were progressing much faster than the company had anticipated. However, one day a salesman came to the company touting a new steam powered drill that would render human workers unnecessary. At first, the workers were ecstatic because this meant that the tunnel would be finished and they would get their land without having to risk any more lives.. However, the company announced that not only would they replace all their workers with the drill but that in doing so none of them would get paid anything or get even a little bit of the land they were promised. According to the company this is because the contract stated the workers would get compensated only if THEY finished the tunnel. Which meant any worker who died to support their friends or family would not have any compensation given to their loved ones AND if the drill finished the tunnels instead of the workers the workers themselves wouldn’t get compensation either. 

The workers were furious and John was no exception. In his anger John called the salesman a hack and a fake, stating that the human workers could dig the tunnel faster and better than any machine at the time. The salesman scoffed and asked John to prove it so he offered a wager. One single person would go into the tunnel with the drill and dig into the rock. If the human worker could dig faster than the drill then the workers got to continue working on the tunnel and get their payment but if the machine won then the machine would replace them and the company wouldn’t have to give them a cent of money or an inch of land. The salesman and the company accepted this bet and declared that the race would be held the next day. The workers had a brief gathering discussing who should race the drill and the voting was unanimous. John Henry, the fastests and strongest among them, would do it. 

So the next day came and the race began. Whoever could drill the farthest by a certain amount of time would be the winner. The steam drill whistled, wriggled, and whirled as it dug through the rock at great speed. At first, it looked like John had no chance at winning but the salesman and the company made a massive miscalculation. Yes, the machine could technically dig faster than a person but it could not shake the chippings of rock away as they fell into various parts of the machine so the drill bit it used could not drill as far and would frequently break down as it needed to be fixed. On the other hand, John, with his almost superhuman strength and amazing stamina, kept a more steady pace and slowly but surely began to get ahead of the drill. Strong as he was though, John was still just a human and became tired while the drill did not. As the drill began to catch up to him he drew upon the last of his strength declaring “I WOULD RATHER DIE WITH THIS HAMMER IN MY HAND ” when the thought of loss crossed his mind and he began to speed up once again.

When the race was said and done John had drilled a 14 foot hole into the rock while the drill only made a 9 foot hole into the rock when time was up. John had managed to win. However, John had pushed himself too far and he slowly began to die from exhaustion after he had won the race. The fellow workers gathered around him as he finally passed away holding the thought of his family and friends in his mind and his hammers in his hand. Dreaming of the better life they would have. However, John had made a mistake. He had died before the tunnel was completed which meant his family would not see the fruits of his labor which left many of them bitter and heart broken. 

Because of this while John is a story that conveys the indomitable will of the human spirit it is also a tale used as a warning. A reminder that workers should keep a proper pace and not overwork themselves lest they end up overworked or die after being reduced to a tool that is then discarded with only heartbroken family and friends left behind. This aspect became so well know that the term “John Henryism” was coined as a way to refer to “a strategy for coping with prolonged exposure to stresses such as social discrimination by expending high levels of effort which results in accumulating physiological costs” and “that African Americans sometimes attempted to control their environment through similar attempts at superhuman performance, which may involve working harder at the office or working longer hours to prove one's worth.” Nevertheless, the tunnel John Henry worked on would be completed sometime in the 1870’s and his name would be etched into the U.S. consciousness.

Appearance

John Henry is usually thought of as a tall, muscular, and strapping man but in actuality he has a very dwarf-like appearance, being short, muscular, and stout. He has a muscular build even though he has a noticeable amount of fat around his stomach area and he has a large beard. He is generally hairy and does have a head of curly hair, but most of the hair on his body seems to constantly have metal shavings or bits of rock and minerals stuck in them. He also has brown skin and freckles that shine like metal such as iron or steel. His short stature as well as his unusual strength, propensity for working in underground tunnels, and the similarities that his  Steel Driver has to the hammer wielded by the Norse god of thunder, Thor, has led some to speculate that John Henry might be distantly related to dwarves and had a dwarf somewhere in his family tree.

When working on a job veins can be seen bulging around his body in strain and his body becomes slightly red from the abnormal amounts of blood flow.

Personality

When first summoned John Henry usually bursts into tears since the exhaustion that he had when he died no longer clouds his brain and makes him immediately realize that he had failed his family and friends. To distract from his sorrow and the rage he feels, which are only intensified by his madness enhancement, he has immersed himself into work and completing jobs.

Once he composes himself he will see his master as his boss, referring to them as such, and will constantly ask for work and jobs to do. If not given any jobs to do he will go find one to do even if he needs to wander off or go find someone else to hire him to do it.

As one might expect, John has a strong commitment to hard work and he tends to have a very single-minded determination to complete and succeed in doing what he perceives as his job(s). He doesn’t care about just doing the job but also doing it “right” and will reject using anything that he considers to be cheating. An attitude that can sometimes make words harder for himself.

While he does have a strong work ethic he is also very adamant about getting paid for his work and doesn’t react kindly to people who refuse to pay him for his work or put off paying him for too long. Due to the madness enhancement he is not above attacking his own boss or others to get payment. His madness enhancement makes him unable to refuse giving up on a job once he’s begun even if it ends up hurting or killing him.

He loves to sing and has a surprisingly good voice. While working or performing a task he can usually be seen singing or humming to himself. He enjoys listening to music and his talent for rhythm and precise striking makes him a natural at playing drums.

He hates feeling weak or being unable to complete a task. His main personality flaw is that he refuses to quit a job once he’s starting it which can lead to him overworking himself or stretching himself too thin from taking too many jobs at once.

He can be very hard on himself and seems to believe that almost every bad thing that happened to him could’ve been avoided if he had just worked harder.

He is very strict about his promises and contracts and always tries to uphold his promises and deals.

Wish for the Grail

“I wish I was stronger, strong enough to finish that tunnel, strong enough to finish my job, strong enough to save my family. All my problems are because I wasn’t strong enough to keep going, I could’ve worked even harder. So I refuse to be weak and I refuse to quit even if it kills me. I could have done it all if I was just strong enough“

Voice Line Examples

“ALRIGHT, LET’S GET BACK TO WORK!”

“Smash, smash, smashing awaaaaay♫”

“I CAN’T QUIT NOW!!! Not when I have a job to do…”

“A HENRY NEVER QUOTES.”

“You got it boss♫”

“I’m busy, so go away unless you have a job.”

“This has nothing to do with my job.”

“I ain’t gonna talk about anything that isn’t related to my job.”

“SCRAM!!! You’re getting in the way of my job.”

“I have a job to do so if you don’t move out of the way I’ll move you myself.”

“I’m still waiting for my money…”

“Yahoo♫, payday. I’m so happy I could break into a song.”

“One dollar, two dollars, three dollars…”

“Well, money does make the world go round.”

“Heh, a job well done.”

“Relax? TAKE A BREAK?!?!?! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO REST WHEN THERE’S WORK TO DO!?”

“Blood pressure? Yeah it’s at a nice 140... THAT’S THE LOWEST IT’S EVER BEEN!”

“Hard work pays off♫”

“1, 2, 3, SMASH, 1, 2, 3 SMASH♫”

“It’s important to keep a good rhythm♫”

“HEY, more working less shirking!”

“I…. I suppose I could take a break if you’re paying me…”

“I like your work ethic.”

“I’ll destroy you and your terrible worth ethic.”

“The only rest I need is hard work.”

“Time to take some time off with some hard work.”

“I’m gonna put my back into this Noble Phantasm.”

Servant Interactions

Artoria(Saber) and Artoria Alter(Saber)- They both have large appetites and stress the importance of eating properly.

“HA HA HA, LOTS OF FOOD MEANS WE CAN DO LOTS A’WORK!”

“If you aren’t eating at least twice your bodyweight you aren’t eating right as I always say.”

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne(Lancer) and Diarmuid Ua Duibhne(Saver)- He recognizes Diarmuid as someone who is loyal and usually does his best to try to uphold his promises.

“Oh, I like you. You have a good work ethic and know how to uphold your end of a promise.”

Emiya(Archer)- Emiya is someone who got reduced to a tool to be used by the counterforce while John Henry is someone who tries to make himself a tool or worker for others in order to distract from his pain. This opposing behavior causes them to butt heads and Steel Berserker’s propensity to overwork or harm himself to get a job done for someone else unfortunately reminds Emiya of some of Shirou’s worst qualities.

“Let’s just make sure we don’t forget what our job is okay?”

“Just because you don’t take pride in your work doesn’t mean I don’t.”

“Who cares if this job will never be finished? That’s no reason to give up. Hard work is its reward.”

“Whatever, ya say let’s just get this job done…”

“What’s wrong with being a tool anyway? Tool’s are important and they don’t have to think about anything else other than the job they’re made for.”

“Emiya… ya think too much.”

Emiya Alter(Archer)- Emiya Alter is someone who was reduced to a tool like Emiya but unlike Emiya(Archer) he doesn’t even remember what he’s fighting for or any of his loved ones. He is almost emotionless unlike Steel Berserker and more heartless.

“Let’s just make sure we don’t forget what our job is okay?”

“I work for my family and friends. Why do you work?”

“Whatever, ya say let’s just get this job done…”

Don Quixote- He greatly respects Don Quixote’s perseverance and work ethic despite his delusions. Although, considering Steel Berserker’s own madness enhancement, it is to be expected that he might relate to those with such unrealistic dreams..

“Never give up on your dreams. With hard work anything is possible. So we only need to work even harder.”

Queen of Sheba- They both understand the importance of money and always demand proper payment. However, the Queen of Sheba usually asks for a lot more money than Steel Berserker does.

“Money does make the world turn though. What’s the point of doing all this labor if you don’t get properly compensated for your efforts… maybe we should start a union around here… that railroad company I worked for definitely could have used one…”

Sasaki Kojirō- He is impressed by the hardwork and practice that went into Kojirō’s Tsubame Gaeshi

“Man, with the power of hard work anything really is possible isn’t it? I wonder if I could have perfected my digging and steel driving technique if I had just worked as hard as you had?”

Spartacus- He sees Spartacus’ tendency to pick the most difficult route as having a strong work ethic so they at the very least aren’t enemies. Which is quite the feat for someone interacting with Spartacus. Spartacus doesn’t automatically see John as an oppressor either unless the job Steel Berserker is performing aligns him with whatever Spartacus deems to be the oppressor(s).

“Now you, my man, have a good work ethic.”

“Hey, he’s got a point, doing things the hard way builds character.”

Purachatra Jayakara(Rider)- “Just say the word and I can build you the railroad of your dreams… er, with proper payment of course.”

“I’ll build a railroad worthy of that Noble Phantasm. With proper payment of course.”

“Don’t worry, this time I’ll work hard enough to finish that railroad.”

(Purachatra Jayakara is a fanservant designed by @ChaoSen1. You can view Purachatra Jayakara here on Twitter(https://twitter.com/ChaoSen1/status/1726839256826712407) and be sure to check out his Toyhouse in case he ever puts more info on Purachatra Jayakara(https://toyhou.se/ChaoSen1/characters?page=1)).

Death Line(s)

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t strong enough…”

“I’ll work even harder next time…”

“Di-didn’t work hard enough…”

“I’ll never quit… I’ll work at 100%... until the very end.”

Fun Facts

Steel Berserker’s Magic the Gathering color alignment is Blue-Red and secondary White.

If he was in the Hunter X Hunter universe he would be an Enhancer and his Hatsu would revolve around enhancing his hammers while increasing his body’s strength and stamina.

If he had an epithet in the Epithet Erased universe it would be “Overwork.” However, he would most likely be a mundie.

His favorite Pokemon are Tinkaton, Excadrill, and Dugtrio.

His story arc would revolve around learning to not use working as an excuse to run away from his problems and how not taking proper care of yourself and overworking can hurt you and those you care about more than helping them. He would also need to learn that hard work can’t solve any and every problem, and not to blame himself for not working hard enough whenever something goes wrong. If anything he would have to reckon with the fact that sometimes working too hard can make things worse.

Sources

https://www.nps.gov/neri/planyourvisit/the-legend-of-john-henry-talcott-wv.htm 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Henry_(folklore)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2594971/#:~:text=The%20John%20Henryism%20hypothesis%20posits,those%20with%20greater%20socioeconomic%20resources

https://www.ibiblio.org/john_henry/alabama.html 

https://voiceofthevalley.com/2021/08/18/when-coal-was-king-john-henry-no-1-mine-in-black-diamond/

https://www.miles2gobeforeisleep.com/blog/2017/11/24/john-henry-steel-driver-whaler-coal-miner

https://www.wvencyclopedia.org/print/ExhibitHall/12

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COfKWWTIbHI&ab_channel=HISTORY

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2594971/#:~:text=Abstract,those%20with%20greater%20socioeconomic%20resources.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Henryism 

[hitmans]

rereading yu-gi-oh! is so interesting. in the introductory chapter, yu-gi-oh!, volume 1: chapter 1, grandpa muto explains how in the beginning of the 20th century (1921), the archaeology team that discovered the millennium puzzle and tried to take it from the nameless pharaoh’s tomb died mysterious deaths.

then later during yu-gi-oh!, volume 2: chapter 13, domino university’s archaeology team discover a tomb from egypt’s new kingdom era (1580-1314 B.C.) and everything found inside the tomb is then placed on display in the domino city museum. during the chapter, “tutankhamun” is finally mentioned by professor yoshimori and he goes on to explain to jonouchi that the archaeologist who discovered tutankhamun’s treasury by 1921 didn’t have any ownership rights to anything discovered during the excavation.

and even more importantly, we see that yugi encounters shadi “crying” in front of the newly discovered mummy that’s been put out on display in the museum and yugi asks “why are you crying”, to which shadi replies: “these tears are not mine... this shriveled form... he has become a doll of dust... but still, he is the eternal pharaoh... his spirit lives on with his name. even the eternal sleep is denied him... the cry of his soul becomes tears and flows down my cheeks.” are you then telling me that the mummy on display belongs to tutankhamun, aka, pharaoh atem? why else would shadi take on the spiritual grief of the pharaoh to whom that mummy belongs while also giving such high praising description of said pharaoh?

so then, by this timeframe, 1921 is the year that the millennium puzzle and pharaoh atem’s treasury are found, and it isn’t until modern day (technically 1990s for yu-gi-oh!, extended to 2000s for myself) that pharaoh atem’s actual tomb and the sarcophagus containing his physical body are found. it could very well be another pharaoh that shadi is referring to in this chapter, but that wouldn’t make sense either as there’s only one pharaoh within the series that is of the greatest importance, and that is pharaoh atem. so it wouldn’t be too-far fetched to say that, yes, the mummy put so rudely on display within domino city’s museum is pharaoh atem’s physical body. it also wouldn’t surprise me if it took so long for his actual sarcophagus to be found, considering pharaoh atem’s tomb was specifically built to be large (contrary to real life tutankhamun’s tomb) and possibly maze-like with countless traps and countless ka tablets meant to protect him.

another interesting point worth noting during this chapter is the timeline estimate of the tomb — 1341 B.C. is the year pharaoh atem and thief king bakura were born and 1325 B.C. is the year they both died, whereas 1314 B.C. is the year i have set for when the millennium items were finally sealed away by order of pharaoh set.

note: apparently this little hyperfocus excursion of mine lines up with the plotline of yu-gi-oh! the movie: pyramid of light, but... we don’t acknowledge that movie in this house.

reposting to my personal for preservation reasons.

[evelhak]

Since you were so gracious to give me some asks, I shall do the same! Artists asks: 2, 7, 19, 26, and also 30. ^__^

Always happy to hear from you and to know more about you!

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)?

I think it's the easiest to draw someone facing left. That one usually takes the least amount of redrawing.

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

Pottery is something I feel very drawn to, as well as glass blowing. I don't have the physical requirements to become good at it but I'd like to try some time.

19. Favourite inanimate object to draw

I'm stuck between flowers and books. I'm so basic.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended?

Wow, what a question. Nothing came to mind from the art I have on Tumblr, so I had to look for something I haven't posted.

Someone interpreted this as your typical fantasy character with fire powers. It's SO far from that, actually. The fire is symbolic, because this character plays with fire metaphorically, and because what she's holding in her hands can symbolically be burning for better or worse, and also because she is blinded by magic in the story, although it's more the lack of it than the thing itself, and because she's seeing what she wants to see.

I guess it's not that "wild", but I couldn't think of anything else.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated?

I'm going to have to go with writing for this one, because sometimes I can't believe how much more interaction smut fics get on AO3 than long fics like mine that are basically like another season of the story (with a different focus or angle, but still).

I get that another reason why I'm never going to get that many readers is because I'm pretty much never posting at the height of a fandom's interest, because I need to mull things over for months after the series ends, and I never create anything while the original story is incomplete, so I'm usually only starting when the peak interest for a series is already going down, and my fan works tend to require a bit more of an attention span than the average fan seems to have for one thing. Even my She-Ra comics were a bit late for the fandom, although they are of a much more readable length than my fics, so I assume that's why they got relatively popular. I guess comic form is easier to digest for a lot of people, too.

Anyway, I think if I have to pick the fics I'm the saddest that many people haven't read them, they are my retellings.

I'm really proud of the way I basically paraphrased the whole Into The Woods to tell a KnB story! I don't understand how most people's brain doesn't light up with all the good hormones from wordplay like this! I was SO high, writing this.

I'm also really fond of this one, which was inspired by the Romance of Silence. Where are all the people who love intertextuality, hiding??

Yes, I understand another reason why people aren't into these stories is that they are so niche. That's always going to be my curse too, because I love the interaction of specific and general, but I love to go about it by combining things that are niche and don't usually go together. Not because they are niche or rarely combined, it just happens, I can't help but be drawn to specific concepts in a specific thing and then finding another equally specific thing with compatible concepts that send me right into hyperfocus, and I can't leave them untouched, I have to create something new from the interaction of those separate elements, because the abstract connections just sing to me. But I guess there's always the hope that when someone whose niche my stories perfectly fit into, finds them, then they are going to really love them. And honestly, I'd rather have one person to whom they are the perfect fit, than a hundred who thought they were "okay".

Also, I know these stories don't work very well unless you read the whole fic series, though I guess Kuroko's Fairytale makes more sense, and I tried to frame it like you could read it as a standalone, since I think technically you can, but you're probably still going to be very confused at some parts.

[dadsforgarageband]

wizard diary, entry no. 1

today, i made the deep and dangerous trek from my study to the commons (walked from bedroom to kitchen)

i scavenged for nourishment (checked to see if we had any cereal) and set a potion to brew (put a kcup in the keurig)

i then added enchantments to my energy brew (put sugar and milk in my coffee) to prepare for a strenuous shift at the local potion brewery (small town coffee shop)

then i was reminded of my custom made spell enhancers, and i consumed them at once for maximum spellcasting energy (i took my antidepressants)

for a moment, i entered the library of wisdom (wizard tumblr) to commune with other apprentices such as myself (reblogged and liked a lot of wizblr posts) for we all learn together, and together we thrive (u guys r rad as fuck)

i did my due diligence of the day after visiting the library, for my spell enhancers had kicked in, and i was quickly coming to my strengths (i was entering hyperfocus mode for important things!!)

i sat in my study and accomplished the tasks donned on me by the oracle (schooling)

then i realized, i had done more work than necessary! my spellcasting abilities, while at their prime just moments ago, were dwindling before mine eyes at inhumane speeds

my astral form began to yell at me from the depths of our spiritual tether, commending me for my lack of nutrition earlier on in the day (apple jacks, unripe peach, and coffee do not a sufficient breakfast make, APPARENTLY) so my physical form wimbled, wombled, and moaned about in the gently greying husk of afternoon (body hungry, lunch time)

after these minor disturbances, i hurried off to the back gardens to scavenge more nourishment (drove to mcdonald) and soaked my entire being in a spiritually soothing vat of liquid gold studded with healing herbs and crystals (took a Bath)

i took to my notepad (tumblr drafts) and jotted down my points of success and failure so far throughout the day (i am currently writing this post) so i can understand better the ways of my magic (so i can understand better the ways of my magic)

but magic cannot be understood lest you use it to the best of your power, and the best of your power may not be brought about without a challenge every now and then.

so when the horrors showed up at my front doorstep, i fought them off by myself. i fought them, and then i made them tea. i made them tea, but did not invite them back inside.

and just when i figured they’d had their fill,

they came back for me.