#they reject their own cultures; it’s so disgusting i just hate it’

[vtoriacore]

✧ truly, he can’t hate you

note: since it was his birthday vv recently, i decided malleus needs to suffer and be sad and feel the thousand winds of torment and misery (this isn’t me wanting to see his OB form early at all or anything don’t look AT ME LIKE THAT GRRRR) ! but man did i miss writing angst and it just works so well with him so like . . . 🤭

tw: yandere, angst [no comfort]

synopsis: in which malleus cannot bring himself to be happy, having bound you both to shackles of anguish that he isn't willing to remove - no matter the cost.

Silence. It had been like this for quite a while now; he counted all the days, turned to weeks, turned to months. And yet, despite the crushing pressure of the unspoken words he knew you'd utter if you were more responsive, he finds that he doesn't mind it all too much anymore.

Or so he tells himself each time the dull ache comes back as his brilliant green eyes take in your form once more. He knows you can feel him gazing at you, and he knows that your policy of ignoring his existence will not be disturbed. He really should hate you for it but he doesn't.

He can't bring himself to, as after all he was the one to take you back with him all the way to Briar Valley. You always used to say that you hated the atmosphere of the place, and how often everything seemed too dim and sombre. He would always recount the way your once shining eyes settled on every grand structure, and how you'd grimace at the way the gargoyles on many of the stone walls would tower over everyone - never knowing if they were scrutinising or safeguarding.

Malleus hated to admit that it hurt. Absolutely loathed to admit that it stung and stabbed at his pallid skin until he'd have to forcibly stop himself relaying your cold disregard of his home, his culture, his identity. It left him feeling cold to the core and each time he'd only be more numb to your cruelty than the last. But it was never easy to bear nonetheless.

He supposed this was the only good thing about the ever present silence, but the knowledge of you despising anything and everything about his very substance still had him faltering and grasping at even the tiniest sliver of perceived reciprocation. He hated how you made him feel so desperate and fragile, but he could never hate you.

Admittedly though, he had begun to hate the circumstances you both found yourself in. First and foremost he didn't want to own up to the fact he had brought you here against your will (and he so wishes you'd understand it's for your own safety!) and that you were very clearly discontent with his actions. However, Malleus had hoped you'd show even the slightest bit of gratitude - he had to fight tooth and nail to get you to where you are now.

He shed blood, but not his own, to have you sitting beside him on this emerald bejewelled throne as a rightful ruler of the Briar Valley, and yet when you used to defiantly reject every concession he had ever made all you uttered with disgust was a curt "I hate this" followed by a prolonged "I hate you."

When you had learned of his slaying of an advisor for even suggesting to remarry someone else, you had stopped talking completely though. There were no more simple, short words to be spoken, but he understood the silence very well. He was after all, used to being alone. Used to the discreet glances of rejection from majority of those he had crossed paths with. But he just couldn't understand why you didn't see things the way he did.

Why couldn't you comprehend all the sacrifices he had made? Why couldn't you see the way he defied Lilia, his most trusted bodyguard, when he had gone against bringing you here? Why couldn't you realise the painstaking guilt he felt for imprisoning Silver for trying to help you escape? Why couldn't you discern the way he banished Sebek for an attempt on your life and how it made him want to claw at his throat to atone for his actions?

Were you this content to let every relationship of his dissipate into dust, as if they had never carried an ounce of meaning? Did you take pleasure in the way his feelings, very raw and ready to boil over, were being torn to shreds every passing second? Are you satisfied with how his memories spill out into a mirage of a sullied dream as he clutches at his chest until he loses awareness of his surroundings?

He honestly couldn't tell, and maybe -he rationalised with himself- that was for the better. Because for as long as you don't voice these thoughts and split his heart open, he'd be able to keep hanging onto the hope that one day you might just change your mind and be his last meaningful relationship. Ignorance may not be complete bliss, but it's far better than the awareness of his growing misery.

[orangepanic]

What are your thoughts on the 'problematic' ships in atla/tlok? You know, incest, big age gap, etc

I'm very firmly ship and let ship, don't like don't read. Are there things that personally squick me out? Absolutely! Are there ships that make me wonder what's wrong with someone that they could want to write that, let alone share it, or why anyone would possibly want to read it, either? Of course. Do I have blocked tags, muted authors, and stuff I deliberately exclude from searches because I hate it so much I don't even want to see it, even just to scroll past? Totally do. I'd go nuts if I didn't.

And yet - and this is the important part - all of that is about ME. I don't like it. I don't want it. I sometimes hate that someone made it. But I firmly believe that in the totality of human history very little, if anything, has come from the censorship of fiction. What is "problematic" changes over time, and is a feature of one's individual absorption of culture and moral beliefs and preferences. There was a time in history where incest was fine - look at most European royal families, or the common marriage of first cousins in the U.S. until very recently. There was a time in history where a lord raping every woman in the area on her wedding night was also fine, or when male guests coming to the house were routinely provided one of the unmarried daughters to sleep with. There was a time when women riding bicycles was considered a disease. There was a time not all that long ago when depicting a same sex relationship was illegal - see the Hays Code in film. Also, someone told me we can't like The Time Traveler's Wife - a book that was a bestseller only 20 years ago - because it's now problematic to have an older man time travel back to his younger wife. I even hear kids these days think showing your bare feet is enabling an apparently huge population of foot fetish pedophiles to get off on all the feet of children? 10,000 years of human beings wearing sandals but now we're at risk it seems. And there are people in this fandom right now who argue Irosami is disgusting age gap ship even though it was originally supposed to be canon, was fairly popular when the show came out, and Pema and Tenzin are 15 years apart (which nobody seems to mind).

I guess what I'm trying to say is, who died and made me or anyone else the moral arbiter of fiction? Because once you go down that road you have to start making decisions on what it means for something to be "problematic." How big an age gap is too big? How close a relation is too close? Can my characters wear sandals? And then you get stuff like "sibling-coded" and three-year age gaps being problematic and fandom police as you open the door to more and more restrictions on fake people in fake worlds doing fake things with each other to the point that, if you're not careful, the only thing a transformative work is allowed to do is regurgitate canon in a way that defeats the entire point of creative writing, fandom, and fanworks. Even if I don't like a specific ship or piece, I do believe society is better in aggregate for having fewer restrictions on creativity, not more.

So I choose to reject the entire principle that I have any right to consider anyone else's ship or work wrong. If I don't like it, I have the tools to curate my own experience.

[werothegreat]

Okay my feed is starting to get filled with pro-Jedi cope and propaganda and I'm just like, did y'all not watch the same movies I did? Did you not see the disgust on Windu's face whenever he looked Anakin? Did you not see how coldly Yoda told Anakin to grow a pair when he came to him for emotional help? Did you not see Anakin being taken from his mother, the only person who ever showed him any affection, only to be told that the fact he missed her was going to turn him into an evil psychopath?

I get it, you've read George Lucas' interviews where he says he's a Buddhist and that a lot of the Jedi philosophy is inspired by his own personal beliefs. But looking at the actual text of the films, it seems like there's more to it than just that.

In the Original Trilogy, Obi-Wan tells us the Jedi were amazing, warriors for good, guardians of peace, the best things ever. And our hero, Luke, wants to become one. We follow him on his journey to do so, and cheer as he, at the end, rejects violence and declares himself a Jedi, "like my father before me."

But then we see the Prequels. We see what the Jedi were actually like. We see their rigidness. Their clinging to dogma. Their inability to change. Their firm belief that emotion and attachment can only lead to jealousy and destructive anger. But people don't work like that. Emotions are part of us, even fear and anger and hate. We can't just throw those away. We're not supposed to be cold, unfeeling Vulcans. Fear protects us from danger. Anger calls us to action. And hate is the only reasonable response to pure evil.

Anakin fell to the Dark Side because at every turn, the Jedi dismissed his concerns, dismissed his emotional responses, dismissed his yearning for his mother. They could have actually helped him. They could have talked to him with dignity and respect. They could have shown him any amount of warmth and comfort. Instead they were cold and distant to him, they resented him, and he grew to resent them.

And who did show him warmth and comfort and dignity? Palpatine. He swooped right in and took Anakin under his wing, and Anakin never looked back.

Western culture tells vulnerable young boys to buck up, to not cry, to not show emotion, to be strong and stoic and to not miss their mother. And those vulnerable young boys become hateful grown men who take their curdled hurt and hurt others in turn.

The Jedi failed Anakin just as much as Palpatine corrupted him. It was a joint effort.

I'm also seeing some talk that "the Light Side is the Force in balance" and don't make me laugh. The Force has two sides - Light and Dark. Ever heard of yin and yang? Darkness isn't "evil", and light isn't "good". They are two parts of the same whole. I love the first lesson Luke gives Rey in The Last Jedi - balance means both light and dark. Warmth and cold. Life and death. Peace and violence.

The Wheel of Time is a flawed series, but I really love the climax in the last book. Rand is tempted by The Dark One with a world of only light - no darkness, no evil, no death, no violence. And Rand finds it abhorrent because it is a world of no choice. No change. It's static and stagnant and there are no real people in it, only simulacra. Life cannot exist like that.

The Jedi thought that cleaving only to the light, to reject the emotions that could lead you to darkness, to be emblems of peace (while being most known for their iconic weapons, ironically), was what the Force wanted. And yet the Dark Side kept returning, whether through the Sith, or the Knights of Ren, or the Nightsisters. Because yin without yang is not balance.

Anyway I've run out of thoughts and that's probably long enough of a ramble. Keep watching The Acolyte, it's pretty great.

[fuckedupwizard]

some thoughts about shuro

so. disclaimer!!!! that i obviously think there's nothing 'between' shuro and falin; ignoring that i think of falin as 100% gay, they seem way more like friends and i just don't think she'll ever see him that way, but i like that he accepted her rejection of his proposal amicably and i bet they'll remain friends. in fact i think he and laios will kiss while falin is kissing marcille. also, it's okay to dislike him or any character at all even if he was my blorbo (which he isn't), do what you want forever. dislike him for being a narc, okay. or for having no backbone. or for not paying his retainers and holding onto his family's tradition of slavery.......

but i feel like people are categorically, and maybe purposefully, misunderstanding him when they get angry about him liking falin. i've seen people claim he "just sees her as a manic pixie dream girl" and that "laios is exactly the same as her but he hates HIM for the autistic traits he thinks are charming in falin". like okay number one, shuro doesn't 'hate' laios for being autistic specifically, or for having a special interest in monsters. it's his accidental insensitivity and oafishness that shuro expressively states he dislikes about laios. which yes, is owing to his autism and not his fault. but people are still allowed to have feelings about it. even as a neurodivergent person i've felt annoyed at the way other people have expressed themselves/acted around me even if it's because of their own neurodivergency, and i'm sure it's true the other way around.

but the reasons he likes falin are actually - the complete opposite. she and laios are similar in many many ways and both seem like textbook autistic characters, but in different ways! they are Not actually the same person in male and female form, which i think people tend to forget. laios is loud, accidentally insensitive, and tends to be the centre of attention. shuro fell in love with falin when he saw her treat a bug as a thing of interest and beauty rather than disgust, but it's her gentle nature and her self-effacing sweetness he likes about her, particularly because he is also a quiet, modest person and comes from a culture where such things are valued and even amongst his people he's particularly introverted. he likes her because he feels comfortable around her. for some of the ways in which she's like her brother (the special interest thing, which is Not what he has a problem with laios over) but mostly for the ways in which she isn't. DISLIKE HIM FOR ANYTHING ELSE I DON'T CARE but villainising him for being interested in an autistic woman romantically when he is so similar to her as a person strikes me as odd.

i also think people make too much of a big deal over the fight - laios was hurt but like. in the end it's a GOOD thing they had that confrontation, they got all their feelings out and from there on they can become genuine friends and then laios can rail shuro into the mattress...

[psychologeek]

So, I noticed something interesting:

I was asking people to come up with a name for "a program that specialises in therapy for criminals/villains/ anyone with legal problems. I have TBL (Therapy Beyond Law) but it feels lame".

And an interesting thing I found was that even though I didn't say anything about the program... Un village them.

Some of the offers included:

"Revive - Rehabilitating Every Villian Into Viable Employees"

LAW (Legal Aid for Wretches)/( Legal Aid for Workers)

Villain Anonymous

league of Super Enemy’s rehabilitated (LOSER)?

(I also got some interesting ideas! But that was a common thought)

Which is... weird. It could be on me, since I made it sound like it's a "villains' fix-it" , but my thoughts were based on some things:

Therapists have ethical codes, and in many places laws about having to report to the authorities. (Like if someone tell them they're gonna kill someone and have a plan, cases of child abuse, etc.)

What do criminals that require mental support do?

The mental equivalent of a "back alley doctor".

Like, this made up program is supposed to be where ppl who can't/doesn't want to go to therapy at someone with ethical/legal code can find help via this.

It's all distant-locarion based, like phone and Skype and Zoom, only their own kind. For security reasons. And it's firewalls all the ways down with the best hackers on the job and maybe some magic users and a cyborg?

Anyway -

It can doesn't have to be about crimes.

Honestly, most people come to talk about "normal" things, like depression and stress and relationships and all.

There are those who come because they don't want to be known by the government, bc of paranoia or witness protection or family or social issues.

There are metas, or magic users, or aliens - coming looking for a place to openly talk without the fear of being exposed or reported.

So you have a big ass, 7 feet green person talking about their body image issues and being rejected by society and everyone look at you with disgust and hating you because of your skin colour.

And you have an alien talking about cultural conflicts and physical differences and feeling isolated and alone. Or being turned between the people who raised you (that you love) but you want to know more about your birth family and don't want to upset them.

And a witch coming to tslk about how to come out to her mother - there's a lot of love there, but also a traditional family. And she laughs and telling you she doesn't know what would be harder for her mom - finding out her kid's a witch or finding out she's bi.

And of course, there are criminals. But most of them come for things like "How to improve my relationship with my kids" or getting help for depression or anxiety.

(sometimes they talk about crimes. But it's usually like "I have panic attacks since my car blew up. Why? Oh, bc I killed that monster's brother. Anyway, how can I go back to driving?" )

And there are, very few, like trafficers coming for things like "how to make the cargo last longer" and "sometimes they cry and it piss me off".

(which is... not something a usual supervisor can help you deal with.)

And sometimes they come bc more than one reason - bc a 7feet green person CAN'T find a "legal" job, so they also talk about hurting ppl.

And that alien might have a blue-and-orange morral, and is horrified by the whole concept of "burial", but also can't understand WHY he can't shape shift and look like someone else (exist) and the concept of identity theft.

Anyway. I'd love to hear your ideas/fics. Just please let me know if you write anything with this concept. Thank you 😊

[sociallyanxious-eros]

The Inevitable Entrance of Bigots into the Pagan Community

Did you know that one of the philosophical basis of Fascism is the idealization of the past and the rejection of anything considered modern?

Before explaining and showing all of that, I want to make clear my intentions with this post. I was doing small research about what the witch community was up to these days, the discussions being made, the conflict of ideas, and stuff like that, so I ended in a text explaining the differences between Revivalists, Neopagans, and Reconstructionists. I won’t be explaining each one here, I will focus more on Reconstructionists because this one is where things can get tricky. For instance, reconstructionists try to revive and bring back ancient religions as closely as possible and emulate them as close as possible. 

When I read about this I thought to myself “Wait, why does it look like Fascism?”, but, as always with that stuff, we need to check the context, so I went after and discover that: it is Fascism, except when it isn’t. So I’m writing this to help people identify when it is Fascism and when it isn’t, and also to people be careful when they’re writing about these topics.

So let's start with the more obvious things, why the eagerness to bring back ancient religion could be a Fascist sign? To answer that I’ll bring some historical facts.

First of all, I’m talking about Fascism as an ideology, as a movement, I’m not referring to types of fascism here, like Italian fascism, nazi fascism (German), or Integralismo (Brazil), each fascism has its types of characteristics because of the country and political scenario it was trying to be applied, however, Fascism (with capital F) has its own basis, 2 of these are:

Chauvinism - the belief that your nation/race is superior and/or more virtuous and, therefore, should be the only one to exist

Conservatism - a political philosophy that seeks to preserve and promote traditional values

I only mentioned the 2 that are important to what I’m talking about here, but know that there is more, also, Conservatism wasn’t a main topic of Fascism until the 20th Century, which means, is a Neo-Fascist thing, however, Conservatism is exactly what attracts so many bigots to ancient religions.

Also, there are people who are conservatives but aren’t fascists, however, they’re both bigots so doesn’t really matter here. 

But, let me make this very clear, enjoying and/or liking ancient religions does not mean someone is a fascist, so let me talk about the context and other signs:

Someone is spreading fascist/conservative ideology if:

They say modern society has degenerated

They say ancient culture/values/religion are the truthful Western culture

They idealize the past and call it “golden times”

They’ll say ancient art was beautiful and compromised with beauty, while modern art is ugly and/or disgusting

They’ll say they came to help restore good Western Culture

They talk a lot about Western culture and how it has lost its meaning

They love to hate modern art and call it degenerate

They’ll use the word “degenerate”

Someone just like ancient history/culture and is not a bigot if:

They have no problem with any modern religions/cultures

They’ll talk about other cultures without criticizing them to value the “golden ancient time”

They don’t idealize the past as a peak of society's values

They don’t try forcibly to bring back the past to the detriment of existing cultures

They don’t call modern art/culture degenerate just because they think ancient art it’s really the valuable one

You must have noticed that I used the term “ancient culture” or even “the past”, but didn’t specify which one. This is because each Fascism movement and even each conservative has a different ancient culture/religion to idealize. Neo-nazis, for example, have already appropriated Vikings runes, and celtic symbols, like the Black Sun, it’s common to see nazis create this idealization of the Viking man as if it was the best and only example of true masculinity. Here in Brazil, fascist movements like Bolsonarismo, idealized the period of 1964 to 1985, the period of the military dictatorship.

However, is important to say, that when a bigot is just conservative they’ll probably idealize Christianity and/or the crusades, if they’re fascist, but don’t rely on a specific segment, they’ll probably idealize ancient Roman and/or Greek mythology.

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Now I’ll bring some examples of clear Fascist ideology being spread that sometimes people won’t notice:

These types of profiles:

These types of posts: (notice the way of saying that “art used to be good”)

The vaporwave aesthetic as a whole:

These types of memes:

The idea that Western society has lost its meaning and “degenerated” because of [insert oppressed group here] is Fascism 101, babes.

The rejection of Modern Art

I’ll open this last topic just to talk about art a little bit more because one of the best examples of fascism rejecting “modernity” is the demonization of modern art. In 1937 the nazi party organized in Germany the exhibition “Degenerate Art Exhibition”, just by the name I think you know what it’s about. It was just pieces of art considered “degenerated” or “garbage”. Some of the works there, as expected, were just pieces made by jewish, roma artists, or anyone that was being killed by this disgusting government. Others were just Expressionism art, or any other piece that didn’t fit the “beauty” criteria this absurd ideology was so obsessed about.

Conclusions

As I said at the beginning of this post, my intention with this isn't to point fingers or to call anyone a fascist/conservative, I want people to easily identify when the text they’re reading is just conservative/fascist garbage, and be careful to not spread this discourse even more.

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Resources

Wikipedia Pages:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Degenerate_Art_exhibition Degenerate Art Exhibition

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism Conservatism

Documents/Texts:

https://www.adl.org/sites/default/files/ADL%20Hate%20on%20Display%20Printable_0.pdf Hate on Display: Hate Symbols Database (notice how many occult runes and sigils were appropriated from ancient religions)

Videos:

https://youtu.be/Sx4BVGPkdzk How to Recognize a Fascist by ContraPoints

https://youtu.be/v5DqmTtCPiQ Who’s Afraid of Modern Art: Vandalism, Video Games and Fascism by Jacob Geller

https://youtu.be/T6EOVCYx7mY Is Art Meaningless? by Philosophy Tube (if you want to know some fun things about art)

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Special Section to Brazilians

https://youtu.be/3qNmIXaFSr8 Integralismo, estudo de caso sobre o fenômeno fascista por História Pública (tenho algumas discordâncias com ele, mas esse vídeo é bom)

[dballzposting]

Context & Summary for Old Dballz Ocs (I Feel Like Rambling ...)

sept 2021 when I was speed running my first dbz viewing i purchased Dragon Ball Fusions for thr 3DS. I didnt know ANYTHING about ANY TH ING but i KNEW that Goten & Trunks were funny as hell and that they fused so they must be on the game .

On the character creation I threw some elements together until it felt right, I created a power-type Saiyan with golden-pearl skin and fire-kissed hair in the style of Yanucha's long beautiful locks ... with friendly red eyes becasue he was cool AF. I named him Adonis, and I spent my playthrough battling with the fact that male characters could not wear most female outfits, and I put him in the sluttiest / most fashionable fits I could (Nail's shirtless fluffy neck wrap and Gine's skirt).

His own personality came to be, and if he were real I would HATE HIM becasue I cannot STAND catty gemini bitches. But that's why I respect him. Becasue he is viscous and does not need my love. In the gameplay hes obviously a kind-hearted hero but he does that while also being a viscous catty Saiyan bitch. Hes kind in a Saiyan way. He dejects himself from Saiyan culture and aligns himself with Earth, and by Saiyan standards he is a soft little kitty cat, but by Earth standards he is a cutthroat little sphinx. I wanted Shin to fall in love with him it felt like it made a lot of sense narratively ... Shin was so insulted and mesmerized by the Saiyans' power when he learned of it, so it makes beautiful disgusting sense that this proper little gentlemen would fall in sick love with this wild and true "little red Corvette" Saiyan ....... They actually have a lot of cartoonish but intense pink-glittery romance.

Anyway I decided his Saiyan name was TYPHA, which is lifted directly from the scientific name for cattails. Cant remeber if it's all cattails or one specific species. You can eat them when they're little sprouts so they are a vegetable and it counts. And I chose Cattail obviously becasue Adonis is a slutty little catboy!

He was a real one with a steel-hard heart of gold. Gold-toned stainless steel I suppose. Spat on as if valueless but a piece that will stay with you for a long time. He existed in his own culture as a trailblazer TBH and he was okay with that. It's who he was. He didnt need your opinions....

I always said that he would get fake tits but IDK how he could becasue he has no body fat and his muscles are so lean so?? Where would they put the boobs ....

You cant ask him what his pronouns are becasue he doesnt think that that's his motherfucking problem. A lot of people think that thats a kind and appropriate question, but to him you're just proving right off the bat that you have NO backbone. It's not his motherfuciing problem what words YOU use to address him. That's YOUR words, your right, not his. If you're too lily-livered to PICK what language YOU want to use, then you should keep his name out of your goddamn mouth.

To reiterate and clarify, he is a power-type Saiyan. On that game there are three types: power, speed, and ummm I think it was called Technique (that last one is for people who use their noggins). Adonis was a team leader, the tactician; but hes not technique-class, he's power. On that game, a power-class Saiayn is a TANK becasue that combo gives you the lowest speed and highest attack. So he was my team leader, but he would always go last, and he would just finish it. On the outside he is small, and playful, and goofy, and by Saiyan standards an intellectual - but what makes him a SAIYAN WARRIOR is the way that his core is steel-hard conviction. He knows who he is. He never vacillates or falters. Hes a fruity little thing but he commands an army ... he rejects his Saiyan name becasue he wants to write himself.

ANYWAY. I had more ideas for Saiyan ocs so after Adonis/Typha came Bulrush. Bulrush is just another name for cattails. (I had another name that I never used which was Perslane, which is as I recall a salad-type green, but it has "purr" in its name so I thought that it would fit with the cattails. I almsot made Bulrush a twin sister named Perslane to use up the ideas / color coding that I didnt get to use, but she never stuck.)

Bulrush is Adonis's huge cousin. Size-wise, she is to him as Nappa was to Vegeta. Adonis was already red and I wanted her to be red too but TBH I think that she settled into a dark blue ... IT DOESNT MATTER colors dont matter on dragon ball.

On that 3DS game there is a lot of timeline tomfoolery so I didnt stress too much about the details. I said that she used to be a member of the Freeza Force, and then later I decided that actually she was an ex-member of the GINYU force. (Freeza allowed that becasue the Ginyus begged .. they were like "can we keep her?"). She wasnt even as strong as then-Vegeta, but they kept her around for her Great Ape ability, her wild sense of humour, and her minor IT training which was unusual for a Saiyan. (When Captain Ginyu was on his period he liked to watch cat videos on the SpaceTube, and when it wasnt working Bulrush was always there to punch the computer just right to make it start working again.)

They kicked her out becasue she started to fail the poses. And becasue she is just kind of difficult to work with. Shes cripplingly insecure deep inside so when she starts to feel like shes failing or being rejected, she escalates the conflict just so she can leave and justify the whole complication. So that ended.

Through some sort of time hooblah (timelines crossing like on the game, accidental cyrogenetic freezing, I DOMT CARE) she makes her way to Earth seeking out her lone remaining blood relative.

And she hates his candy ass. She poses as really threatening and malicious. When I finally watched the Raditz episodes I was appalled at how i had accidentally made a character exactly like him, looks and behavior and all. So yeah.

But Bulrush doesnt actually give a shit about most things. She adapts roles but she'll drop them if they stop paying out. At first she seemed a real threat to Adonis, and he was genuinely upset or scared, but through his pure heart and the power of teamwork he became somebody who could prove her wrong (and make her proud). And then she just sort of drifted to Capsuoe Corp becqsue where else would she go. She wanted to lounge in the sun and be close to the prince. And the technological environment nurtured her minor interest in computers, it's not a big part of her personality and actions at all but it's a part of her nonetheless.

Though with all the Saiyans dead and the Freeza Forces long since dismantled (so she thinks), she holds no loyalty to Vegeta's royal status. She prefers it to anything else, but with no one forcing her to bow, she is quick to be defiant and just eject herself from a community. In theory a lone wolf.

She wants to swing with Vegeta and Bulma but they obviously dont have her in that way. Bulma likes gal pal time and is very easy to flatter so she lets Bulrush hang. But Vegeta cannot stand this vulgar woman who is loyal to no inner values. To him, she is as bad as they come.

She plays it chill and keeps trying to hit on him and it never works. Over time she gets more desperate and eventually she just functionally has a huge crush on him that is forever unrequited. On some level she does this to herself. She is used to the pain, and has never been good at accepting genuine connection anyway.

She masterfully dissembles when Goten and Trunks show her their strength so they think that she must be really cool. But she's shitting herself over the fusion thing. The SSJ3 thing . She was completely cold before but after unlocking that Fear For Her Life, she starts insisting that they call her "Auntie Bulrush" and she poses as a supporting figure because she doesnt want them to kill her.

Anyway: over time she becomes just completely and perfectly loyal to her cousin. She only ever called him "Typha" which he took as an affront, but eventually it comes to mean less "I refuse to accept your new name and true self" and more "I am your kin I have known you the longest I am your deepest friend i know you like no other. I am the only one who can call you this." Though to be honest she just calls him "Cousin" more often than not. She's always like "Cousin...let's go bowling."

There was this bit I had where he goes in for boob surgery and when he wakes up Bulrush is all bandaged up too and he's like "...what happened to you?" and she says heartfeltly "Where do you think the tits came from cousin?"

She loves him and is loyal to him but it's also kind of in a way that reflects her buried insecurity. She'll be player two, she'll even be player three, she'll play the backseat, she'll be just one of thousands in his army. She doesn't ask to be anything special to him, she just wants to help his cause in any way. She hardcore respects his iron core and the way that he has bit back at her over the years, and that's cool, but it's also speaking to a familiar pattern of rejection to her. TBH. But IDK. She's ride or die.

IDK. Becasue if they were real they would also just pretty much just be like Spongebob and Patrick. BFFs who get up to goofy shit. Typha is just like yassified Spongebob. Spongebob if he were a baddie. Bulrush is just like Patrick Star fr. Dumb and hung.

OK well if you know these guys, Bulrush is a lot like these guys: Captain K'nuckles, Captain Linebeck, Grunkle Stan, and TBH Raditz.

I stopped talking about these guys because I realized just how many characters were in dragon ball, I really ddint need to invent any. EXAMPLE Vegeta Tit Tuesday did what Adonis did but better and more meaningful.

I Stoppe Drawing Them becasue I was getting pissed off. Firsdt of all I was still learning and relearning quirks about the dragon ball artstyle, what was a constraint and what was not. Srcond Of All thr only thing I cared about was warm skin, red accouterments, and hips/tits from hell. I wanted to draw characters who fucked hard and died pretty. My sense of beauty, fashion, and juicy life-force was at this point finding no expression in my actual day-to-day so I needed a lot from music and art. And so Typha was pretty much all that. So I didnt know what to do with Bulrush . It pissed me off so much to draw them next to each other, becasue I didnt know how to make thei skin different colors, but i wanted them to look visually distinct. I experiemted with making Bukrush a colder or darker color but it never vibed. And I got so pissed off about their outfits becasue I'm one of those people who cares a lot about colors . And I cannot help it, I NEED characters to have their own designated color(s). And i wanted red. Even the gloss and fruit of fuschia. But by personalty Typha got no pinker than red, and I can respect that. But Buklrush wasnt pink either. She was red and navy blue. WHY ? I kept trying to move away from that but I coudnt find anything else that felt like her. Maybe purple would work ??? Maybe I could figure it out nowadays. But I wanted only red but i coudlnt have them both be red because i was pissed off when they were and also when they werne't. Navby blue was/is Vegeta to me so I didnt know how to feel about that, since I was intending to draw her standing next to Vegeta too.

I mean i can respect her being both red and navy blue. It's an ODD color combo but nowadays I can accept it just fine. It's eccentric and a blessing. I just didnt want to accept it then becasue i was struggling with making directed choices VS sussing out the natural vibe.

Also Typha wore skirts and I wanted her to too but she always vibed better in just short pants instead . But I've spent two years bringing fashion into my life so im much more cool with letting things be becasue i get my kicks elsehwere so i dont need to try to have it all at once here. It feels better to just let it be <3 She Can Wear The Raditz Underweear there was never anything being lost in that

The thing is COLOR DOSE NOT MATTER ON DRAGON BALL AT AL !!!!! FIRST OF ALL it's a black and white manga., SECOND OF ALL, NO One Cares. Even in the colored animation they dont care at all. They proved that when in DBS they changed Trunks's SIGNIFICANT, UNIQUE, NOTEWORTHY, RECOGNIZABLE lavender hair to ..... Fcuking Blue .

So . Yeah .

This is just a me problem .

The coolest thing about Bulrush was the inspired idea I had to make her eyes Grey. I had never had a characterwith grey eyes before, and I never saw it, so it struck me as really great.

Though i Wonder if i had just subconsiously gotten it from Mr Satn's DBS design .

This pisses me off greatly becasue her eye shape was also like his, becasue I was basing her eyes off of later-Z Yamucha (with what little I knew .. that was all I had.) . And that shape IS the shape of Mr Satans eyes .

I'm just pissed off about that becasue in theory I could bring back Bulrush to pair her with Mr Satan becasue I think that he needs to get Las Vegas marreid to a rough and wild woman . But if they have the same eys that pisses me off . I WANT VISUAL DISTINCION ...

Though honestly I would never draw Mr Satan with grey eyes. His eyes are an intense blue in DBZ, But I would proibbaly color them the same intriguing periwinkle that Videl's eyes are in DBZ (not the bright sky blue that they are in DBS). Becasue I think it's cool when parent and child have the same colors . Becasue colors matter to me . But canon colors also matter to me. And it pisses me off how pink and pale Videl is when her father is very much not. It's cool to think about genetics and anime genetics and to justify that well, he could be mixed race and just by chance passed on his palest alleles. But it still pisses me off becasue it puts me into a position . Either I could color her darker and have the benefit of mollifying both my intellectual nettles and my "I want characters to stand out more from each other color-wise" nettle, but grapple with outright denying canon and having to choose whether to keep her skin cold or make it warmer like her father, OOOORRRR i could just LEAVE IT and DEAL WITH ITand ssssSUCK it UP becasue HWTA DO I KNOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really really like her hair and all of its styles. I really like drawing her hair texture, both when its shown to be straight smooth and when it's drawn more spiky. BUT IT PISSES ME OFF THAT HER DAD IS ROCKING AN AFRO AND SHE HAS NOT EVEN A WAVE TO HER HAIR ????! COME ON .... No amount of anime whimsy can make me feel okay with all of this .... At the end of the day I DO REALLY WANT Shit To Make Sense.

Anyway. So Bulrush pisses me off becasue her colors piss me off and it pisses me off to draw her standing next to any other fucking character. But I think it'd be great for Mr Satan to have someone like that in his life. IDK.

IM PISSED !!!! I started this post this morning and all day I'vr been thinking about how fucked up i am over Buklush';s colors .If i really drew her then people would be like "why does she have Mr Satn's eyes? Is she his wife or are they related?" IDK SHE JUST LOOKS GOOD THIS WAY !!!!! FUCK !!!!

But it ok.

DID ANYPONY ACTAULLY READ THIS ??? I'm trying to proofread it and it's hard . Sludgey AF

Here are OLD pictures of Typha and Bulrush that you've probbaly already seen before BUT THEY ARE ALL I HAVE ON THIS COMPUTER And Ever

[librosamarillos]

passed down like folk songs

chapter 7: it would've been you

Maegor Targaryen x OC

Also on Ao3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Tags: hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, angst, mature themes, targaryen incest, violence, Maegor is a red flag himself, characters are ooc probably, MINORS DNI

Let the angst begin besties! <3

“What?!” Ceryse asked in pure shock.

When her handmaidens ran into her chambers to rush her to her father’s solar, this was the last thing she was expecting to hear. She assumed something horrible had happened and technically, it had, just not in the way she was expecting. Her brothers were quiet, both looking at their father, deep in thought.

“Your uncle had suggested it, the King himself accepted and requested the wedding take place as soon as possible.”

“Why would he suggest marrying me into that family? With those people? When was I going to be told?” she asked, trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

“Marrying into the royal family, you will live like a princess. You’ll want for nothing.”

“I don’t want to leave Oldtown. I’ll be in King’s Landing all alone! You said it yourself, the Targaryens cannot be trusted. And the Prince? Surely you’ve heard what they say of him. You want me wed to that supposed brute?” she asked, looking to her brothers for support.

“It is a smart move, but you plan to leave our sister alone there? Surrounded by dragons?” her younger brother, Morgan spoke up. 

“It would be foolish for them to mistreat her. The whole point of this union is Oldtown’s alliance. They’re not dumb.” their father countered. He turned to her, approaching her. “Ceryse, I know this is less than ideal, but we are not in a position to reject this proposal. You are six and twenty, my dear. You’ve turned down every lord who’s asked for your hand so far, it’s time you married and settled down. You’ll marry into the most powerful family in Westeros, your children shall have dragons.” he added.

Ceryse thought for a moment. She found the idea even more dreadful the more she let it sink in. If she had it her way, she’d remain in the Hightower for the rest of her days, surrounded by the people that loved her, not by strangers that she didn’t trust. 

What were the Targaryens, other than invaders? Coming to their land, forcing their people to yield or die a most painful death? And now she’d have to marry into their family? When had they let an outsider marry in anyway? Alysanne was a cousin, that was as far as they were willing to go, since the Queens had no daughters. Just the thought disgusted her. Truly, how could they bed their own brother? And would her own children have to marry each other? Surely her uncle wouldn’t allow it, but would they even care to listen when they could burn them all to the ground? She shuddered. 

It was a smart move on their part, she had to admit. Her uncle and the faith were the Targaryen’s biggest problem, so a union would bring them all on their side. She just hated that it had to be her. She adored her family, her city, her friends, and now she’d be shipped off to the capital that she hated. 

Ceryse remembered when the King visited Oldtown with his sister, Queen Rhaenys. She was young, but she immediately didn’t like them, as open a mind as she tried to keep. Aegon had this air of assured righteousness, as if he was owed their land and their support, and Rhaenys took a supposed interest in their culture. She clearly put up a front, Ceryse knew. It wasn’t her first time in a court, there were many like her that pretended to care for others, wanting to appear kindhearted. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but the Queen treated them like one would treat a child who was babbling. Like she was above them, giggling at their ways and thoughts. She couldn’t stand it. She felt guilty to be glad she was no longer here. 

She had only seen Queen Visenya once, from afar. It scared her, that it was her son she’d be marrying. Both their reputations were cold and ruthless. Visenya was the most feared out of her siblings, and for good reason. Supposedly Prince Maegor was a brutal man, a knight at six and ten, the blood of many on his hands, something he had enjoyed, or so she heard. If the rumours were true, he was nothing like the charismatic and kind Aenys, quite the opposite. Gods, how could she be optimistic about this union? It was her duty, she knew, but she had always hoped her duty could be near her home, far away from dragons. The gods had other plans, it seemed. 

“I still don’t trust them, father. Even if they don’t mistreat her, Ceryse will have to spend the rest of her days with that man and his family. Do you trust them with our sister’s life?” her eldest brother, Martyn argued. 

Their father was silent for a moment. Very few times could she remember seeing him look this defeated. He looked at them all, eyes landing finally on Ceryse, before he spoke again. 

“I do not. But I’m afraid we have no choice. Your uncle made the suggestion without consulting me, if we step back now, it will only make the situation between the crown and the faith worse. We cannot risk our house like this.” he explained, grasping her hands. “I don’t want to send you away to them, believe me, my daughter. If I had it my way, I’d find you a match here, close to us. I fear it’s too late for that. I do not trust the Targaryens, but I do trust you. It’ll be difficult, but I know if anyone could navigate it, it would be you, Ceryse.” 

Her father, Lord Manfred Hightower, was a pragmatic man. He had the gift of assessing a situation and putting his feelings to the side in order to make a decision with the most favourable results. This time, he was having a hard time doing so. She knew why. They had lost their mother not even a year ago, the pain of her loss still looming large on their family, and now he was losing his daughter. Although quite formal, they were always close. It was hard to picture her life without having her father and brothers so close by. She had recently become an aunt, and she adored her nephew and good sister.  It was so unfair she’d have to leave it all behind. 

“I understand father. I’ll… I’ll prepare for the trip.” she nodded, and her father pressed a kiss on her forehead. Nobody in that room wanted to leave. 

“You hate this.” Martyn stated, entering her chambers. 

Ceryse was throwing dresses for the trip on her bed, trying to decide on what to wear. If she was going to be forced into that family, at least she was going to look good while doing it. She turned to face her brother, who had his arms crossed. 

“Of course I do. But what’s done is done, I might as well not drag my feet. It would only make me twice as miserable.” she answered, biting the inside of her cheek. “Besides, the rumours could be greatly exaggerated. At least I hope they are.” 

Martyn looked down. 

“I wish I could go with you.” he sighed. 

“You need to be here. To be acting Lord of the Hightower. If what I heard the maids whisper is true, uncle will insist we marry here, in the Starry sept. If the King wishes for us to marry quickly, I’ll be back soon.” she countered. “Does that not sound suspicious to you?” she asked. 

“Hm?” Martyn looked up at her. 

“That he wishes for us to marry as soon as possible.” Ceryse mused. “He’s trying to rush our union, is it not strange that the King is doing so? It should be the other way around, for a house to push for the union with a Prince. I think the King is hiding something.” she said, eyeing her brother. 

“Perhaps he’s trying to save his son from scandal. That, or he’s very eager to mend relations with the faith before he gets too old to govern.” he answered thoughtfully. 

It was silent for a while. Ceryse didn’t want to worry her family any more than they already were, but she was truly afraid of what she was getting into. Martyn seemed to sense it, wrapping her in his embrace, silently sharing her sorrow. 

“Please be careful. The dragons can be unpredictable, dangerous. Warm up to the Prince, you’ll at least be safe.” he pleaded, before pulling away. How she’d miss him. 

“Morgan and uncle will join us to King’s Landing. They’ll… keep me safe.” she said, trying to convince herself that her brother and uncle could stand a chance against dragonfire. 

The Hightowers had the advantage of politics and cultural influence; they'd be a great tool for House Targaryen to show that they were joining Westerosi culture and traditions, but dragons were volatile. Who’s to say they wouldn’t burn them to the crisp if they were displeased? Sure, now they are playing politicians, but what if they go back to how they were? Bathing the kingdoms in fire and blood? Ceryse could only put on a brave face and do her best to survive. 

Court was summoned in the throne room, leaving everyone to whisper in anticipation about what this could be for. Grandmaester Gawen had informed Rowan, and everyone else in the library at the time, of the sudden announcement the King and Queen wanted to make. He seemed in good spirits, making her assume the King would announce a new project for the city. 

In the throne room, she quickly spotted her father, who also appeared to be looking for her, greeting her with a smile. Her eyes found the royal family, all standing in front of the throne, whereas the King and Queen stood atop. Rowan studied them for a moment. The King appeared happy, no, satisfied. Visenya on the other hand was nervous. As much as she resented Aegon for all the pain he caused Visenya, she had to admit, they looked good together as a couple. To those who didn’t know her, she appeared stoic and confident, but she knew better than that. She noticed she always clenched her jaw a specific way when she was trying to calm her nerves. Had they argued? Perhaps the King had chosen to do something Visenya disagreed with? She was sure she’d tell her about it eventually. 

Maegor stood next to Aenys on the base of the throne, looking like a million things were on his mind. Rowan was worried now. As if feeling her eyes on him, he only returned a tiny glance, before looking straight ahead. He looked guilty. Any excitement she felt before had now faded away. She tried to not let her mind assume the worst, but it was too late. 

“I have happy news this afternoon. It is with great joy that I announce the betrothal of Prince Maegor to the Lady Ceryse Hightower. The High Septon himself will join House Hightower in court within a fortnight to discuss the details for the grand ceremony.” Aegon’s voice boomed in the room, causing the lords and ladies to cheer, offering congratulations to the Prince. 

Rowan felt the room shatter around her. For a moment, she couldn’t hear anything but her own racing heart. For a second, she thought she saw Visenya give her an apologetic glance, but she couldn’t be sure. She quickly snapped out of it, trying to replace her broken expression with a smile to match everyone else’s. Not until her father grabbed her hand, did she notice she was clenching her fists so hard, her nails had drawn blood on her palms. She watched the people around her, not fully registering what was happening.

She didn’t know how long she was standing there, still as a statue, until court was dismissed. She felt her father pull her away, heading straight to her chambers. It took her a few minutes to truly understand what was happening, to understand Maegor would not be hers. Her father was talking to her, but her ears were ringing. Realising his words were not getting through to her, he pulled her into a tight embrace. 

In her father’s arms she felt the first few tears drop. And then she wept. She wept and wept until she couldn’t breathe. She mourned the future she let herself dream of with Maegor, she mourned their little family she imagined nightly, she mourned for all the love she had for him that she knew would never fade away, she mourned for herself that would have to watch him from afar as he married another and had a life with her, all in front of her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” her father whispered, rubbing her back to try and soothe her. “Just let it all out.”

By the time Rowan stopped crying, it was nighttime. Had she truly spent the entire afternoon there, crying? Her father had offered her some water, his face riddled with concern. Water was a welcome and calming thing, helping to bring her back to reality. She made her way to the vanity, splashing her face with the water in the bowl, her hands lingering on her cheeks. Her palms were stinging, the half moon indentations still red. How had she not realised how much it hurt before? She looked up at her father, who still looked at her with sorrow.

“Did you know?” she asked softly.

“No, the Queen hadn’t informed me of this, or hinted at anything.” his voice was soft, calming.

Rowan nodded, before walking to the small table and pouring herself another glass of much needed cold water. She drank it and sat down, her expression empty. Her father took both of her hands into his own.

“My love, please do not take this the wrong way, but I must know. Did he… do anything to you? Has something happened?” he asked, his voice heavy with worry.

“No, no father. It’s just…” she trailed, her voice still hoarse, “we kissed, the night of the feast at home, but nothing more. He told me he wished to ask the King to have us wed, but…” she felt herself tear up again, shaking her head.

Her father let out a sigh of relief, before making his way right next to her to wrap his arms around her once more, his warmth soothing the ache in her chest just a bit. Rowan never imagined heartbreak to feel so literal, that her heart was indeed being torn to shreds. How was she to feel normal ever again?

“I’m sorry my girl, I know it feels awful. I wish things were different, but the situation could not be helped. Not with so much involved.” he whispered.

“I know.” she whispered back, wrapping her arms around him as well. “I let myself believe that things would be a bit different, but I suppose I was foolish to do so.” 

“My love, you’re no fool for loving someone and hoping. It’s just that life can be cruel sometimes.” he said, patting her hair.

“I know… It could not be helped.” she whispered. “I just wish to go to bed. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Nonsense. I’ll always be here, no matter how small or big you think a problem is. I’ll leave you to rest. Would you break fast with me in the morning?” he asked.

Rowan nodded and he placed a small kiss on her forehead, wishing her a good night. She felt like her body moved on its own as she undressed to wear her nightgown and undid the braids from her hair. She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, her heart still aching.

How could she not foresee this happening? It was the only logical thing to happen, that he married for advantage, as the Targaryen rule was still too new, in need of solid allies from great houses. Ceryse, she remembered her. They had been introduced at a great feast in Highgarden, as their fathers were friends as boys. She was great company and Rowan recalled she had the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen. She would make a lovely bride, she was sure of that. It didn’t stop her heart from feeling like it was being stabbed a million times at the thought. 

How was she to face Maegor ever again? She felt that looking into his eyes would end her, that it would be too much. Like it would tear her apart to even hear his voice and be near him, but all she wanted to do was run to him regardless. What was she to do? Abandon her studies in King’s Landing and hide away in the Citadel? The more she thought of it, the idea was growing on her. To run away.

Her fingers traced the cuts on her palms, as she wondered how the discussion went. Had Maegor fought for them at all? Did he try, or did he accept his King’s commands at once? Had Visneya tried to sway him? The questions were eating her alive, she was unsure how she’d find any sleep at all. 

Did she regret it, kissing him that night? Knowing what a euphoric feeling it was, to feel so close and connected to someone, how his stubble tickled her face, how she loved the way he held her, how she felt her heart jump and race at how he looked at her. Gods, she didn’t even want to look at anyone else but him. She blushed at the memory of his firm hands pulling her so close to him, she could think of nothing else since then.

But he was no longer hers, he never was. Someone else would have him all to herself and it made her burn with jealousy, before the guilt hit her. It wasn’t Ceryse’s fault that Rowan went and fell in love, like an idiot- had she ever admitted that before? Love, she never said the word out loud. But she knew, she always knew she loved Maegor. And in that moment, she hated herself for it, for she knew she’d never stop.

Maegor wanted to scream. He wanted to rage, to break everything and anything in his wake, to march into battle and kill. But he had to sit in the small council meeting regarding the possible expenses of his upcoming wedding. Aenys was casting him sympathetic glances throughout the whole thing, but Maegor kept his face blank, save for the light frown that was always present. His father went back to normal, in not paying much attention to him, which normally filled him with unspeakable anger, but right then he was glad, for he knew he’d get told off for appearing like he had murder in his eyes during talk of his wedding. His mother was unreadable. She didn’t speak much, only asking for specifics in their budget, seemingly satisfied at the reminder of the Hightower’s wealth and thus their grand contribution.

The only thing on his mind was Rowan. Just the thought of her made him want to scream again. He only caught a glimpse of her face, how hurt and absolutely destroyed she looked, before putting on a smile to not raise suspicion. He wanted to run to her, to hold her, to tell her it was her he loved and her alone, to apologise a million times. She had told him years ago that she worried about things outside of their control, and like a fool he thought he could control his father’s decision. He felt like the biggest traitor in the world.

“Maegor, did you hear me?” Aenys’ soft voice made him turn.

Maegor blinked. The room was empty, leaving only him and his half-brother there. When did he stop listening and when did all of them leave? Aenys walked close to him, awkwardly placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I was nervous too, when I was first betrothed.” he offered another kind smile.

Maegor only hummed, not wanting to humour his half-brother, but not wanting to raise suspicion of his true feelings either. He wasn’t nervous, he was angry this was even happening. He was angry about many things, but this anger was a different beast.

“Lady Ceryse is lovely, I’ve met her many times in the progresses in Oldtown, I think you’ll grow quite fond of her.” Aenys said.

The thought of ever growing fond of anyone else felt like a sin so great, the gods he didn’t even believe in would strike him down where he stood.

“I see.” he managed to spit out.

“You know, even if things are awkward in the beginning, you two will grow close when you have children. I know it was true for me and Alyssa.” he offered his advice, before stepping back, as if he could feel the rage seeth out of Maegor.

He wanted once again to march into some battle for the kill. He had longed for fatherhood for a long time, but only with Rowan at his side, no one else. And now what he longed for would never be, it couldn’t. Would he even be able to look at his children if they weren’t Rowan’s, or would he treat them like his father treated him? He knew she’d hate him if he did. 

He gulped. Did she hate him now? Would she slap him, yell at him, call him a coward? He didn’t think Rowan was even capable of such anger, but he wished she could. He felt he’d deserve everything she’d throw at him. Anything but her tear soaked face. That would send him into a spiral he’d never get out of. He promised himself he’d protect her from any harm, but now the pain was his fault.

“Maegor?” Aenys’ face showed concern as he looked up at him.

“Thank you for the advice. I shall keep it in mind.” he somehow managed to sound somewhat grateful, before turning to leave.

He had to find her.

After escaping his chambers unnoticed, he managed to go unseen in the dark of the night. He was always vigilant, his eyes noticing everything at all times, including what times the servants went to bed, leaving the halls empty. He found himself at Rowan’s door, a lump in his throat, feeling for a moment that he couldn’t move, that he wanted to run away like a boy. But he had to see her, he needed to. So he knocked, and entered as soon as he heard a confused ‘yes?’.

She was sitting on the desk, writing a letter, her eyes wide in surprise when she saw him enter. For what felt like forever, neither spoke. She played with her fingers as she rose, the way she always did when she was nervous.

“I’m so sorry.” he managed to find his voice.

Rowan only nodded, the sorrow in her eyes being answer enough. Maegor walked close to her, close enough to hold her hands. 

“I tried to reason with him, truly. He and mother had a fight about it too. He had already accepted on my behalf, I swear it, I would never have accepted if I was given the chance.” his voice trembled as his eyes burned looking down at her own broken face.

“I understand, it is your duty. You cannot run from it.” she said softly, a frown on her face. 

He hated it. He hated seeing her so sad, so defeated and not being able to fix it.

“Lady Ceryse is a fine woman, she’ll make a lovely bride and wife to you.” she managed a pained smile, as tears slipped from her eyes.

“Please don’t. Don’t say that. I don’t want anyone else but you. All I want is you.” he pleaded, tears beginning to stream down his own face, but unlike the hot angry ones he shed in her arms as a boy, but desperate and miserable ones.

Rowan shook her head.

“But that’s not the reality of things, no matter how much I hate that it is not. What’s done is done, we cannot be.” her own voice was hoarse from crying. “You have a duty to your house, to your family, to your wife. As much as it pains me, you were never mine to lose, Maegor.” she shook her head again.

Maegor felt himself torn apart. How much had she wept for her voice to be so strained, for her eyes to be so puffy? How he hated himself at that moment. He hated feeling powerless more than anything.

“It should’ve been you. It would’ve been you, had he only listened to me.” he frowned. 

“He was thinking like a King should. It’s no one’s fault. Life is unfair at times.” she breathed, closing her eyes for a moment.

They fell in silence again, gripping at each other’s hands. Rowan looked to the ground, like looking at him pained her. But Maegor’s eyes were pleading for her to do just that, to look at him. He felt the back of her hand with his thumb, before sensing her stiffening up. He turned her hands to look at them, his eyes widening at the fresh scars caused by her own nails. She tried to pull away in shame, but he held on. She always picked on the skin around her fingers when her anxiety was too much, she was always ashamed of it when he noticed.

“Rowan…” he whispered, his concerned voice making her shake her head again.

“It’s nothing. Really.” she finally looked at him with her puffy green eyes. “You really shouldn’t be here. If someone were to see you-”

“No one saw me.”

Another moment of silence.

“The wedding, it will be in Oldtown, won’t it?” she asked.

He hated it. He hated how pragmatic she was, how calm and thoughtful. He wanted her to yell at him, to scream, to throw things at him. All that he would deserve. Her calmness, he did not feel worthy of. He nodded.

“I’ll return home, but we’ll come to the ceremony, father and I.” she said.

“What?” he asked, panic suddenly taking over. “You’re leaving? But- When will I see you again? Rowan you cannot leave. What of your studies, or- or helping your father? Please, you cannot leave, I cannot bear not seeing you.” he pleaded.

“Do you think I can bear to see you with another? Everyday? Do you not think it would drive me mad? How could we ever go back to normal if I stay?” she pleaded right back.

Maegor was speechless. He felt like the biggest asshole there ever was for asking her to stay. Every part of this conversation hurt, but the reality that she wouldn’t be here with him half the year, like she always did, sliced his heart apart.

“I hate that I’ll leave, believe me, I do. But we cannot- we can’t, it’s not fair. It’s not fair to you, to me or to Ceryse. Please… you have to go. The hour is late.” she pleaded one last time, her voice still trembling as she pulled her hands out of his grasp to wipe her tears and take a step back.

It felt final, too final. He knew she was right, he hated that she was. But soon the guards would change shifts, he had to leave, even though everything in him was yelling at him to stay. He looked at her again, wishing to fall into her arms and weep.

“Rowan… I lo-”

“Please don’t say it.” she begged, holding back a sob.  

taglist:@heartstalked@stupidocupido@discowizard88 @slytherisstuff

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I find it really hard to word this properly but does anyone else feel some kind of sense of dread or loss over the parts of our tradition and culture that we lost to westernisation?

Where are the καράβια for christmas? Why are traditional clothes so incredibly hard to find? Why do we barely get taught the easier dances at school (πχ συρτό στα τρία) and that's it (unless of course you decide to pay to take lessons or your family teaches you)? Why has our cuisine changed so much? There are so many more examples, I've lost track at this point

I absolutely understand why many people, especially younger people, don't care since anyone that feels rejected by the culture will reject the culture back (especially if you grew up feeling abandoned by the state and ESPECIALLY if you are gay or any other type of minority in greece). I still hate it though

I know what you mean. We are basically a second little US compared to how our country would be if it were free of that heavy outside influence.

Modernization is good, buuut it's not without cons. I've heard a young Greek call the color combinations of traditional clothing "tacky" and I sense that's how many Greeks think given how our nationality aesthetic has been reshaped. The fact that we have to get used to the aesthetic our ancestors appreciated for generations....

That's just one example of how we have embraced modernity on the condition we completely reject everything traditional. Even when we "modernize the traditional" is 99% (mostly) USian standards and environment and 1% of Greek culture just to add enough palatable uniqueness. I wish we could have both.

On top of that, religion doesn't appeal to a growing number of Greeks for various reasons (which I don't condemn). Unfortunately, religion used to be the glue between any Greek community and now we can't bond over that. We have nothing to replace it with so far, leading us to further isolation.

(That's partly why I occasionally reblog things such normally more religious people would be interested in. The history of the Greek Orthodox church is also Greek history. It concerned the people of this land for thousands of years, and we cannot separate our past from the church completely.)

And, on another note, why the fuck do we have to get to specific events and lessons to dance our traditional dances? Why don't we wear traditional jewelry, for example? Why most of us don't know how our traditional clothing looks like? Many Greeks admire traditional dances and clothing from other cultures (Indian, Korean, Native American tribes, and more) but when you ask their opinion about traditional Greek clothing and dances they are suddenly disgusted. Their appreciation for culture stops in their own culture 🤦

[iimeris]

3, 30, 33

ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ( no longer accepting )

3. what is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

we don't learn anything much of shionne's family one way or another ; but , while its suggested that they are likely still around and alive , its pretty clear that shionne doesn't have a relationship with her parents . at least not a meaningful one

there is likely a lot of trauma between shionne and her father due to her thorns . he could never soothe her when she cried , feed her when she was hungry , change her when she needed . it was not unlike being rejected , both as a father and as a child .

in their culture , you don't question things . you're supposed to follow the rhythm around you , and so when offered " treatment " for his daughter , shionne's father probably didn't question what that meant , making him ignorantly complicit in shionne's torture at the research facility that she considers her home on lenegis . its not likely that she blames him for it . . . but it surely hangs in the background of their non-relationship .

realistically , she must have very little if any relationship with her father , and likely any semblance of a relationship was utterly destroyed once shionne set out to enact treason against their kind -- if he was aware at all . her culture is rather unforgiving . likely , she has always been completely avoidant of him . he's not a reason to return to lenegis , nor a reason to stay alive .

2. what does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

oh man shionne absolutely hates insects . i don't think lenegis has insects , so imagine landing on another planet and finding small , fast moving creatures that flock to you as if you were a bug light ?? ew . on one hand , there is a disgust of their uncleanliness , but mostly she has a very classic " bugs are creepy looking " fear of them . their fearlessness regarding landing on her just gives her the ick . they land on her , trigger her thorns , die . . . and she's left feeling anxious . its just a bad cycle .

she's been known to fire her gun at bugs she sees flying around .

3. in the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

actually , she's more used to criticism than praise . praise is reserved for those who have earned it from their might and prowess . although she participated very little in renan society , she's ultimately fits in and is the sort to take criticism as just that -- the opinion of another , not to be taken too far . her people value power and skill and generally possess blunt tongues , so taking criticism as something constructive is an important quality to have in her world .

her defensiveness comes from a desire to purposefully reject others and isn't reflective of her actual self . even if she comes across as rejectory and biting , she quietly considers what others have to say and actively makes judgements on whether or not she should adjust accordingly . the trouble is that shionne is trying to block out other people in favor of her own self -- which is not naturally who she is as a person . as a result , she tries to be more confrontational than she otherwise is compelled to be .

[captnjacksparrow]

Hello. I've noticed you mention self insert often. To be frank, I knew it was a thing but didn't know it was such a big thing in Naruto and other shonen fandoms. I'm not trying to shame anyone who does that, fandoms are open spaces after all, but I personally never understood that. I'm aware it's sort of projections and result of romantic and/or sexual attraction towards the character, but that's even more baffling to me. I rarely even ship things but that self-insert thing is even bigger NO to me.

Also I noticed that pseudo self insert where someone ships two characters but remodels personality of one of them to fit into a stereotype. Is SS only one? Or most prominent one?

I've been in other fandoms (mature media) where Self-Insertion was not very prominent. People just fight with each other because they want to brag about their Idol as to who is best.

But I know the concept of Self-Inserting from Apps available in Play Store or App Store... You can check 'Choices' and 'Chapters' app where it allows you to play into story which has various genres like Romance, Smut, Fantasy, Horror, Adventure.

Now tell me, what's the difference between these pics and Fanfics???

The only difference is those Apps lets you Self-Insert with cool graphics & Interactive plot whereas Fanfics are in written form.

It's basically a Self-Inserting App.

I am telling you I played The Crown and The Flame book in that app which allows you to conquer your Kingdom with cool fight scenes & fancy Armour with clever plotline... But not many people were willing to have a discussion on that Book. Sigh!!

Whereas, that Badboy, Bodyguard Romance & BDSM boss romance generates so many discussions in Reddit... (-_-). Romance and Smut has more fan following... Which allows you to choose any Sexuality and alters plotlines based on your Choices. In some stories, it lets you choose between 2 hot guys... One is a King, and another is his Bodyguard... You can even have a fling too. LOL.

As it happens, SS fanfics are exactly based on these type of stories. Sasuke is a Rich Weird Kinky Millionaire boss and Sakura is his PA... Sasuke is an Assasin who was ordered to kill Sakura but instead he fell in love with her... And then you can almost guess what would happen next, Right???

So, Self-Insertion is not a new concept... Companies who developed those apps makes tonnes of money out of Self-Insertion.

In Naruto Fandom, SS is definitely not the only one. But they are the most obvious, cringiest and prominent ones. They totally change both Sasuke and Sakura's personality to fit into their mold and attack other people if they don't agree with them. I mean, I don't give a dime if they stop these things within the boundaries of Fanfics... But they bring it in their General Character Analysis posts which is where my disgust towards that fandom starts.

Look at their level of delusion and Self-Insertion. Romanticizing Sasuke attempt to put Chidori into Sakura. 😑😑

SNS also does this kind of cringe shit sometimes. Not gonna hide. I saw a post where the OP was going Peak orgasm on Sasuke putting a hole in Naruto's lungs... That person was literally describing how Sasuke was feeling pain while piercing Chidori whereas Sasuke was literally giving off a low-key sadistic smirk. However, these kind of people are very less in our Fandom though.

Most of the Sasuke stans self-insert their political ideology into Sasuke and go unhinged in Tumblr. They antagonize every other Character's fans by playing Victim card and annoy the entire fandom.

Naruto stans self-insert their Incel culture (they hate the fact that Sakura rejected him many times) and claim that they got the best girl in the World and perpetuate toxic Masculinity...

So, you see different people use their Idols as a Placeholder and spread their own agenda rather than seeing/understanding them for who they are. Especially Older Fandoms like Naruto have almost become a place to just Self-Insert rather than seeing the character for who they are.

[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

-------

tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

[forwomenbywomen]

Men, when they are rejected by women:

go on shooting sprees.

Men, when they do not get female attention:

stalk, harass, rape, murder women.

Men, when they hate women:

*insert centuries of oppression, political, and social aggression*

Women, when they hate men:

“I wish I could walk the streets without being afraid. I wish I had my own female world. Just women. I’d like to take my daughter to the movies late at night on a Saturday - she could wear whatever she likes. She wouldn’t be worried about disgusting pigs catcalling her. I’d like to swim. I’d like to walk amongst women forever, to feel safe without the threat of male violence. It makes me angry.”

Our Culture:

Wow, women are totally the sensitive, emotional gender!! Crazy Ex-Girlfriends, right? Remember when your ex-wife got mad at you for harassing a teenage waitress? Women are batshit insane. Feminazis are going to kill all men. They’re so evil!!! Women can’t control their intense emotions.

[hellyeahheroes]

on 6th may Kentarou Miura, creator of Berserk, a brutal dark fantasy manga generally considered one of the best mangas of all time, has passed away. He was only 54 and suffering from health issues caused by exhausting work schedule of a manga artist which were causes of many delays in his work. His death was kept a secret unti earlier this week.

In last 24 hours people associated with ComicGate hate grou have started posting videos and tweets in which they use Miura’s death to talk how the work culture of manga industry is good actually. Talk about how American comics should adopt it and how younger comics creators, minority creators or creators with any artstyle that isn’t hyperrealistic and superdetailed are “entitled” and “don’t want to put in the work”, how they “only got hired for checking checkboxes” and should “put more time into working and less into tweeting”. I really hope by now I should not explain how disgusting I find the attempt at dismissing someone’s hard work by assuming them being a minority automatically makes them a “diversity hire” who wasn’t hired for their merit. Or how scummy it is to tell creators to shut up and get back to work when they dare to speak against your toxic behavior on twitter. Now let’s talk about the supposedly “good” work culture of manga.

Let’s start with the the fact this “good work culture” of manga literally killed one of their greatest creators at the age of 54. Let’s talk how this “good work culture” would make it that whenever Miura took a break he was not able to let public know how he is spending his time off without being mocked for playing video games instead of working by his own fandom. Let’s talk how in this “good work culture” Tetsuo Hara, of Fist of the North Star fame, is still forced to work his ass off despite being sixty years old and diagnosed with keratoconus that is likely going to take his eyesight away. Let’s talk how in this “good work culture”Yoshiki Yakaya still has to work on Guyver despite also being sixty and his health issues being so frequent his fans are basically expecting announcment of his death at any time. Let’s talk how this “good work culture” forced Masashi Kishimoto to put his honeymoon on hold for ten are-you-fucking-kidding-me years because he was not allowed to stop making Naruto for even a week, less alone a month. Let’s talk how this “good work culture” forced Akira Toriyama to keep working of Dragonball, disregarding his desire to end the series multiple times and forcing him to bring back Goku when he wanted to pass the title of the protagonist to Gohan until Toriyama came to hate his own creation. Let’s talk how this “good work culture” turned Bleach into a story of creator breakodown happenning in front of the entire readership base as the editorial squeezed every last bit of passion and creativity out of Tite Kubo until there was nothing left and still forced him to work until they decided he is done. Let’s talk about how this “good work culture” seems to trainfandom to follow only the brand and not the creator, meaning that an accomplished creator has as slim chances on hacing a new project be succesful as their most popular one, if not lesser chances as it is likely their new work will be rejected simply for not being their old work. And how it likely kept many creators endlesslydragging out their most succesful work or trying to tie to it as for every Yoshiki Takaya, whose succes of Hunter x Hunter overshadowe his first big success Yu Yu Hakusho, there are dozen stories of failiure even from big names like Kishimoto and Toriyama.

And don’t give me some pathetic talk about passion. We live in capitalism, your passion is a thing someone is going to exploit. Tell you if you “really” are passionate you should squeeze some free labor. manipulate you to make as much money out of you, your physical and mental health be damned. We see the same thing and the same rhetorics perpetuated in video game industry and how it leads to crunch, burnouts, mental breakdowns. And how then the studio executives write off those they broken as “stress casualties” and fire everyone anyway.

Creators are people. Actual living, breathing human beings. If you are spewing shit how comics hsould adopt the toxic work culture of manga, how that toxic work culture killing a man is a good thing....you’re just saying you don’t see creators as people. Just mindless drones made to work themselves to death for your entertainment. And you calling anyone else “entitled” is a height of irony unheard of before.

-Admin

[blindbeta]

Something I frequently see in atla fanfic is Toph rolling her eyes and other characters being surprised she can do that. (“Who taught her that?” Is a very common sentence.) I wonder if this is realistic? Obviously, with some forms of blindness, rolling your eyes is no problem. But would Toph, blind from birth, be able to roll her eyes? I’m sorry if this question is hyper-specific. I see this trope in at least half of all fics with Toph in them. (Thanks for your amazing blog and all you do.)

I welcome hyper-specific questions here! Especially about A:TLA and Toph, where fandom is both a nice break from ableism and a very ableist place.

With the resurgence of Avatar, there were an agonizing amount of comments like this online. Although they were more about how unrealistic it was for Toph to have facial expressions, how the animators messed up by having her eyes move, etc. The “Who taught her that?” trope about eye-rolling is simply another manifestation of that.

It is hard to explain my frustration with questions like these, even if no offense is meant. These questions bother me partly because they assume certain things that make it clear they have never met a blind person, nor bothered to research before commenting, endlessly, on what is or is not possible for blind people.

Also, as I explained in this post about myths, even the ignorance behind expectations like these can be harmful. In assuming Toph cannot have facial expressions, a blind person who makes expressions or gestures may be assumed to be faking. This puts a lot of stress on a blind person, who may be refused help, harassed, or even attacked. Plus they are just annoying. In this post, I go over how some of these assumptions carry over into jokes, something the Avatar fandom is also not exempt from.

Jokes are fine. Questions even more so. As long as someone is genuinely asking and not coming from a bad place. For example: “I wonder how Toph learned to make facial expressions as a blind baby” is easier to answer than “OMG Avatar is so unrealistic and ridiculous because Toph, a blind girl, makes the same kinds of expressions as the other characters!”

Facial expressions are instinctual and innate. There are basic expressions that many people can make and understand — with some exceptions — which have evolutionary implications. For example, making a face of disgust could have indicated that something was poisonous. A face of fear could have alerted others to danger. Eye rolling is not quite so useful or ancient, but it has been referenced in older literature as a way to express contempt or rejection.

I would put eye rolling in with the gestures category. By this I mean research shows blind people gesture just like others who speak the same language. Because gestures are culturally specific, they can differ depending on language. Even people who were blind since birth gesture the same way others do. Eye rolling is not much different. No one would need to teach Toph how to roll her eyes, although she probably would have heard about it verbally eventually as she aged, such as when Azula teased her by saying, “And since you can’t see, I should tell you I’m rolling my eyes.”

So the “Who taught her that?” question is not very realistic as far as I’m concerned.

I will say that sometimes people have rapid eye movement and difficulty controlling the muscles in their eyes. Before I had surgery, I would have uncontrollable eye movements in one eye and since I couldn’t see my own eye, I have no idea if rolling my eyes actually looked like it is supposed to. And because I can’t see other people very well, I’m not sure if I’m the best person to give details about this.

But the real issue behind the other characters being surprised Toph can roll her eyes isn’t so much about the ability to do so, so much as just knowing about it. Again, the same question comes up about facial expressions and gestures.

I also want to clarify that the ableism in the Avatar fandom isn’t really about mean words or even rude assumptions. It is the attitudes and beliefs behind these questions. It is a rudimentary understanding of ableism that causes people to claim Katara is ableist so they can hate her, while similtaneously complaining that Katara and Zuko talk about their trauma too much. While simultaneously sharing art and GIFs and videos of Toph without image descriptions. While saying very little about the show’s lack of audio descriptions when it was added to Netflix initially, or even assuming blind people couldn’t or wouldn’t watch the show at all. Not because of a lack of accessibility, but because people simply assume we don’t like television or films.

If you think about these attitudes and beliefs, you start to notice a pattern. One that isn’t only in the Avatar fandom, but it is made all the more frustrating because the show has a popular blind character in it. You would think people would be interested in learning about blindness, but the overwhelming love for Toph sometimes comes across as exploitive without this interest.

That said. Toph is one of my favorite characters and I love that the fandom loves her too. I love fanfics with her in them. I don’t blame one person for not adding an image description to their art, because image descriptions are not as normalized as they should be, and were certainly not normalized years ago. When I talk about ableism in the Avatar fandom, I don’t mean any one person. I mean the wider problem as a whole that has been going on for over a decade. I mean people who have “ableism” in their vocabulary and yet don’t change their ways when someone gently asks them to. Ableism is in our society and fandom, especially those with blind characters, are no exception, despite whatever hopes I might have.

There are absolutely wonderful people in the Avatar fandom. The fandom is improving on reblogging things with image descriptions or adding their own to older posts, especially art of Toph. While I sometimes feel things are stagnant, there are people like you, anon, asking the good questions. I appreciate you and anyone else who is doing the work to learn and also for supporting this blog. While I have some problems with the fandom, there are wonderful people here and progress is being made every day.

If you want help writing Toph, @mimzy-writing-online has an excellent post with advice. I highly recommend fanfic writers read it for a richer story.

So that’s my wishy-washy Avatar post with some slight education thrown in. Thanks for the question, anon!

If any blind people want to chime in about this, feel free.

I hope this helped some.

-BlindBeta