#they refuse to be apart because theyre both terrified of what will happen if they look away because of the new variables

[tetrxctys]

quite literally canon that roscelyne and darien cant spend more than 10 minutes apart without worrying about each other btw. thought that was important

[demadogs]

Do you think Mike is already aware of his feelings?

yes!!! i totally do. the reason i believe this is because in s3 the majority of our byler evidence is technical cinematic choices like framing, blocking, color pallets, music, etc. but for s4 theres way more byler evidence that are directly from mikes behavior!!!

in other words, s3 queercoding had to be achieved through more film choices because he wasnt aware of his own feelings so his character didnt reveal that much to the audience. but in s4 a HUGE portion of our byler evidence is of mikes behavior towards both el and will, so he definitely became aware of his feelings some time within those 6 months apart from them.

———

in s3 these are what i think are the biggest byler evidence:

framing mike perfectly in the closet (this ones also a bit behavioral because he doesnt kiss her back, leaves his eyes open, and looks beyond confused after, but i think the framing is overwhelmingly the loudest thing here).

the huge difference in the aesthetic of the mlvn break up and bylers fight. they intentionally filmed mlvns as humorous, colorful, and unserious but for byler they had pouring rain, dark grays and blues, theyre alone, and emotional synth music plays after.

and consistently placing el alone and pairing up byler with the canon couples.

there is only one huge behavioral thing mike does in s3 that gives us a clue on what hes feelings and thats “its not my fault you dont like girls”. i think this was him subconsciously projecting but hes still unaware of his feelings or wills.

———

s4 byler evidence still has a lot of technical film choices, but we see WAY more evidence thats directly based on mikes behavior. he is well aware of his feelings and he doesnt know how to act around will or el because of them.

s4 mikes behavioral byler evidence:

the non hug at the airport.

there is NO reason for him to do this unless he is well aware of his feelings for will. he is terrified of being perceived as gay. this scene reminds me of the book the goldfinch where the main character who canonically has a lot of internalized homophobia refuses to hug goodbye his close family friends before he moves because it would “seem gay”. thats literally almost the exact situation here only its a greeting hug instead of a goodbye hug. that character later admits that hes in love with his best friend.

looking nervous when he asks about the painting.

i dont think people talk about this one enough. it was clearly art and mike has a whole binder of wills art at home. why wouldnt he be excited to see it? (because el told him its for a girl!!)

not calling will that much

why wouldnt he want to call his best friend since kindergarten who moved away? i think the ‘couple times’ will was referring to was before he realized his feelings and then he stopped calling him after he figured it out because he didnt want it to be true and he was trying to ignore his feelings.

“thats because shes my girlfriend will … we’re friends!! we’re friends.”

this one SCREAMS internalized homophobia. especially since will didnt imply anything romantic, mike interpreted it that way on his own. this one also goes hand and hand with the technical stuff because right after that line the track “in the closet (at rink o mania)” plays.

mike not telling el he loves her when its so blatantly clear thats all she wants to hear

if mike really loved her this argument wouldnt happen to begin with but the fact that it did and mike had the clearest opportunity to reassure el that he does love her and all he could get out was “youre being ridiculous. you know what i think of you. youre the most incredible person in the world.” yikes.

talking to will about that fight but not telling him “that thing” he couldnt say was that he loves her

he was comfortable enough telling will about the fight and that there was something he couldnt say but he blatantly chose not to tell him what that thing was. this one DEFINITELY tells me he is aware of his feelings. if he genuinely didnt know why he couldnt say it i think he would be comfortable asking will about it but he refused.

this

and this

so yes i think mike is well aware of his feelings bc his behavior is so strange and different in s4 than any other season. i think while he was away from both of them he realized that he missed el the way he was supposed to miss will and he missed will the way he was supposed to miss el. and that freaked him out a lot. and as finn has said, he is just trying really hard to be normal (and failing miserably).

[destinysbounty]

I cant remember if ive ever mentioned my Floorboard AU before, but either way im gonna talk about it now and you cant stop me

Premise: Aspheera didnt banish Zane, she killed him. Poof. Vaporized. Gone. Kablooey. And the team, determined not to fall apart like they did the last time he died, decide to just. Not talk about it. Not address what happened. Just bottle everything up and pretend all is well, because theyre all terrified that if they openly acknowledge the gaping absence Zane left behind then it'll cause a team conflict. Things got messy last time Zane died, and they don't trust themselves not to fall apart twice. Which, when you think about it, might just be the most fitting way to honor Zane's memory, seeing as he was like the king of bottling things up (Ninjigma, anyone?)

Of course, this is only made more challenging by the fact that Pixal has inherited Zane's ice, and every time she uses or trains her new element its just a bitter reminder - to her and everyone else - of the fact that Zane is gone.

So now the ninja are going through all the motions of the Wildbrain seasons, but with everything warped by the loss of Zane. Like, Pixal dealing with all the mixed feelings of having Zane's powers, Wu training her, Kai lowkey resenting Pixal because he doesn't want her to replace Zane, Jay blaming himself for not taking Zane's vision seriously but ALSO refusing to tell anyone about it out of shame, Lloyd and Wu both fiercely blaming themselves for what happened, and Nya and Cole doing their darndest to hold everyone together but NOT doing very well. Someone get these kids some therapy.

And it's not just the characters, but the plot - in season 12, Unagami makes a Zane NPC to distract the ninja. And in season 13, they agree to go to Shintaro in the hopes that maybe a vacation will be a good distraction break from everything that's been going on. But with Cole's Mom TraumaTM opening back up, and a bunch of slavery happening, and the team getting split up, nobody is having a good time. Not to mention that Kai and Pixal end up stuck together, which sucks because they don't exactly get along anymore. And then of course, Seabound ends with Nya sacrificing herself - which ends up being the last straw that rips apart the team for realsies.

Now here's the catch: in the same way that Harumi was brought back by the Crystal King, so too has Zane been resurrected. The Overlord knows Zane is a powerful adversary, and would much rather have him on his side. Not to mention that Zane still has some Golden Power indelibly woven into his soul, and the explosion that killed them both also bound their fates together. When Zane defeated the Overlord, he earned his enemy's hatred and respect in equal measure.

But unlike Harumi, Zane's body was destroyed, meaning he cant be restored to his original vessel. So the Overlord instills Zane into a crystal construct that is bound to his will. Zane has to obey the Overlord, and he has no choice in the matter.

That being said, even as he's puppetted by the Overlord, hes not completely bereft of agency. He still resists every chance he gets, constantly trying to find some loophole in the Overlord's demands that will allow him to return to his friends and warn them about the coming threat. Also, he notices Harumi's reservations and doubts, and begins trying to appeal to her senses and get her to betray the Overlord. And while he's not 100% successful, he at least gets the ball rolling for Harumi's eventual redemption arc. Zane WILL defeat his enemy by making them his friend and that is a THREAT.

Zane also realizes that since he cant physically disobey the Overlord long enough to contact his friends, then maybe he can find a way to get someone else to do it for him. When choosing recruits for the Crystal Council, Zane manages to convince the Overlord to resurrect Morro for his cause - Morro was on their side in the end, after all, and only the ninja are aware of this. See, Zane is under the Overlord's control because he cant be trusted to keep his free will without fighting back - but if Morro keeps up appearances about being evil, then the Overlord might give him more leeway.

Morro isnt exactly happy about being dragged into a mess that has nothing to do with him, but reluctantly agrees to help Zane (if only in an effort to make up for his past). So they've kinda got a bittersweet begrudging alliance at first, that slowly evolves into something resembling a friendship.

And of course, while Zane is busy having the worst day of his life for like 50 days in a row, the ninja are ALSO having a bad time because the whole team is practically a hair-trigger away from a massive blow-out confrontation. That's what happens when you bottle things up, kids.

I have a lot more ideas for the AU, but these are all the broad strokes i have definitively planned out.

(If youre curious, its called the Floorboard AU because the WIP I had originally planned for it had the working title "The Floorboards Creak Under the Weight of Your Guilt." This is because the fic started out as a oneshot about the brief timeskip between the Fire and Ice Chapters, dissecting everyone's grief in response to Zane being assumed dead AGAIN. But then I thought "what if he died for real" and then things just spiraled out of control from there. I might change the name of the AU at some point though, who knows)

[superw3nch]

this idea literally came to be out of nowhere and if i don’t get it out i will literally scream. even though I should be finishing the like five other fics i’m currently writing but whatever. 

anyway I present married!charlie and billy

in an AU where Billy survives season 3

Billy proposes as soon as he’s cleared from the hospital

soon after they break the News to both their families

Sue cries and Max is so happy to officially call Charlie her sister now

Mr. And Mrs. Sinclair try their best to be upset but they’re so happy

Erica actually hugs Billy

Lucas is excited tho he has a harder time admitting it

then before they could even get the invitations out they move to California

Billy hates Hawkins and Charlie is ready for a change after what happened

they get a shitty apartment one bedroom barely even half a bath 

but its okay because it’s theirs

billy gets a job working as a surfing instructor and charlie finds this hole in the wall record shop and just falls in love

things are fine and theyre still planning the wedding and then boom she's pregnant

and charlie has a hard time with the pregnancy cause like what the fuck there’s a person growing inside of me??? 

billy does his best to be there for her even though he’s kinda scared too cause he just wants to be a good Dad

he doesn’t want charlie or the baby to ever feel unloved or unwanted

but he’s great better than great Charlie tells him this everyday and has no problem if she still has to remind him 

he holds her hand at every appointment and asks questions before she can even get them out

they find out what they’re having

Charlie was terrified of having a girl fear of the baby being just like Erica 

Billy wanted a girl, he’d be happy and love the baby regardless, but fuck he wanted a girl 

He wants to spoil a girl dress her up in frilly pink clothes and little bows he’s thinks that’s the Anthesis of cute

Lucas just wants to be an uncle

And the first kid is a boy

They struggle with names they go through about 50

Jason (no bc Charlie knows a boy in Hawkins named Jason and he’s a dick)

Trevor (Billy thinks that’s a douche name)

Harold (and they both say no bc their kid is not a 75 year old man)

Noah (maybe but Erica says she would refuse to call her nephew a Dork name like Noah)

Jonathon liked it though so that’s a plus

Carter (sue and max’s favorite said he’d be successful one day)

But finally they settle on Robert, Bob for Short bc there was a family friend named Bob that passed and Billy can see the way Charlie’s eyes lights up when she talks about him

Joyce cries when they tell her over the phone

[poptod]

Pull the Stars Out of the Sky (And Gift Them to Me), pt. 10, (Ahkmenrah x Reader)

Description: Relief.

Notes: now ive said this before, but i need to say it again and add on to it. This chapter will NOT make much sense if you do not read Mahjur's story, None Like You. The experience of reading this chapter will also be enhanced if you read Piye's story, Miscreation, but it's not as necessary as Mahjur's story. theyre also long as fuck so heres the important stuff: Piye was born blind and went on a mission when they were about 14 in which they grew their dark skin, massive height, and white hair, and gained some of the sight they'd lost. Mahjur gave up everything to be with Ahk. in the end, Ma'at (Goddess of Truth and Order) forced them apart in the name of the 'holy law'. Ma'at did this because mahjur, as a god, was not supposed to be interfering with the lives of people.

WC: 6.4k

+

Throughout the entirety of your two-day journey, you never left the canoe, leaving your muscles cramped, and strained, and restless. Still, you supposed you were in a better state than Piye, who had yet to sleep or rest from their rowing. On the other hand, Ahk was fine. At one point you asked him if he was worried about the coming events, but he told you that he wouldn't stress until it happened, and continued to swim beside the canoe without a care.

How you wished to have his capability to simply not think about things.

As you passed by Thebes in broad daylight, you looked far across the river from the western bank, searching for the falcon soldiers. Like Aswan, most of what you saw looked vacant or abandoned. Despite that you continued to stare, watching civilization pass by slowly, till city walls faded away to the flush green of the Nile.

"When will we get there?" Ahk moaned, his neck on the edge of the canoe, allowing him to dip his head upside-down, the crown of his hair soaking in water.

"Shut up," Piye said. The Pharaoh obeyed, although begrudgingly.

Night came and went in the blink of a sleep-heavy eye, passing into the dark early morning. Birds had yet to stir, leaving you in the eerie silence––the quiet before the battle. The only to feel such stress appeared to be you and Piye. Ahk slept on as usual, and the rest of the world remained ignorant to your journey.

"How did you meet Ahk?" You asked, desperate for someone elses' voice rather than the one in your head.

"My father was employed by his father, the Pharaoh of the time. I was... nine, maybe?" They said, taking a moment to remember. "Why do you ask?"

"You seem very close."

"I suppose we are." They paused. "He was a great comfort to me when my father died. And other... such things."

"He seems to have a habit of winning people over," you noted quietly.

"Yes, well... he has a certain charm."

As the sun's light began to crest the horizon, Memphis appeared in the distance, and Piye pulled the canoe to a stop on the western shore. Ahead of you lay the city you had so eagerly fled, the silent white walls foreboding in the worst of ways. You were certain the city would be flooded with falcon soldiers, as well as people who had heard of Ahk's treason, and who had decided Gyasi would be a better ruler. There would be few friends in those walls. Those of standing who had openly expressed their support of the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah had been banished.

Once the boat hit the riverbanks, Piye jumped out of it and pulled it the rest of the way onto solid ground. From there they donned a head covering, and shook the water out of their sandals, before helping you out as well onto dry land. No words were exchanged as you fully dressed yourself as well, sheathing knives you had been toying with.

You stepped to the side, tapping Ahk's head and laughing when it lolled to the side. It took a few more pokes before he truly stirred, moaning about a poor night's sleep, before he noticed you above him.

"When are we gonna be there?"

"We're here," Piye said flatly.

"We are?!" Ahk jumped to his feet, nearly falling over in the canoe. "How's the city look? Is it burned?"

"Look for yourself," you said, manually moving his chin to face the city behind him.

"Beautiful as the day I left," he said, seemingly satisfied. "So what are we doing?"

"Following a Goddesses' orders," Piye said as they finished pinning their head covering.

Ahk haphazardly dressed himself, but refused to wear a head covering. Piye explained thoroughly how screwed the three of you would be if Ahk was instantly recognized, and though the Pharaoh argued back for a little while, he was eventually won over. With that decided, the three of you abandoned the canoe and made way for Memphis.

The flush bushes and trees lining the river soon disappeared into empty sand, the land having been cleared for the construction of the great city. From where you now stood you could see guards inside the entrance of the massive walls. Your heart thrummed in your chest, crashing against its' own strings, sending your thoughts into a flurry. Disappearing was your act––returning was not. Facing the consequences of your actions was something you rarely did, since you weren't locked down anywhere, and didn't require anything from anyone but yourself. Now, you had a self-appointed duty––keep your friends safe. After the many years of your travels, you finally had something to lose.

And the thought of that terrified you.

"We aren't using the front entrance, are we?" You murmured, mostly to Piye.

"Of course not. Have you ever scaled a wall?"

"Well... once when I was trying to escape Ahk," you said reluctantly.

"Oh, I remember that," Ahk said with recognition in his eyes. "Then I tied you to the bed."

"Yeah, and then I cried."

"You two are.. I don't even know. You're insane," Piye said. "Now stop being insane and help me here."

You had yet to reach the walls of Memphis, so Piye stopping halfway there confused you for a moment.

"What are we doing?"

"I can't throw a grappling hook straight up that far," Piye said, kneeling and digging into their bag, "so we have to set up here."

Before they could find the hook amongst the mass of other tools set carelessly in their bag, they stopped suddenly, raising their head and looking off to the city. It didn't catch your eye at first, but when they didn't move for a good minute, you noticed, as did Ahk.

"Piye?"

They stood suddenly, the tools in their lap clattering to the ground. Long threads of white hair began to rise, floating mid-air as though Piye stood underwater, or stood suspended in nothing.

Your attention alarmingly caught, you circled round them, finding their eyes white and glowing on a face of night-black skin.

"Piye, this is not a good time to have a revelation!" Ahk chided, reaching for their wrist. Before he could do so, Piye flicked his hand away, making him recoil with a pained gasp.

"There is..." their voice spoke in double, in triplicate, echoing in your skull like the resonance of a gong, "... much to do."

You and Ahk looked to each other, both searching for answers that neither of you had. Piye continued their path forward, leaving you and their belongings behind, as they headed in broad daylight towards the city's gates. Without ever having to reach up, their head scarves and chest coverings fell away till all that remained was their skirt.

What the fuck do we do now, came through your head, but you had little time to voice your question before Ahk ran to Piye. You followed, mimicking his actions when he tried to stop Piye or direct them the other way.

"You're going to get us killed!" Ahk scream-whispered, all too aware of the soldiers surrounding the city's entrance. He leant the entirety of his weight on Piye, attempting to pull them back, but they showed no sign of strain.

"It is meant to be," they said in a hush. "It is meant to be."

Their mouth closed but the words remained, whispered over and over again in your ears. Your own breathing had already hastened, fingers tense with your own terror, worsening as you met the eye of one of the guards.

"Ahk, they're looking at us!" You hissed behind Piye's back, still grasping helplessly at Piye's hands to attempt at pulling them back.

Panic stewed in your heart and leaked into your head, leaving you in a daze of confusion, unsure what to do to protect yourself and your friends. The soldiers were now focusing their attention on you, and Piye's eyes were still glowing.

It was then, within full view of the falcon soldiers and about ten feet from the city itself, that the magi released themself of your terrified grips, rising into the morning air. They opened their mouth and out came a voice that did not belong to them, lodged in their throat as they screamed over the rustling of guards and soldiers readying themselves for battle. Bells began to chime in the city, alerting officials and citizens to the threat now floating above the white walls of Memphis.

"If ye are in Heaven or on Earth, I am the Only One in your bodies," Piye spoke, loud enough to be heard throughout the city.

The sheer volume and the vibrations within the earth that followed had you crouching down, and covering your ears with your hands, a position Ahk soon adopted as well. You watched from the corner of your eye as the soldiers fell victim to that same, screeching pain digging into either side of their heads. Swarms of people began to leave the city through the back entrance, trampling over each other like fleeing rats.

"I am the Pure one – I shall not die a second time. I am He Who is Not Known."

Ahk's eyes darted upwards, recognition flooding him.

"They're calling in Amun," he murmured, just loud enough to hear between the pauses of Piye's words.

"Already?!"

"I don't think they can control it," Ahk said, but as Piye continued, he was forced to cover his ears once more, wincing away.

"Your forms, indeed all forms, are my habitation. My moment is within your bodies. I am The Unveiled," Piye said, and suddenly the aura around them stilled, fixed on a glow brighter than the sun.

For a moment all was silent. Then their mouth opened, gaped and unhinged from the skull as they looked to the sky. An ear-splitting note came from them, running through the earth and sky, even through the water that now bubbled on the shore as though heated by fire. Horror filled your chest, spreading quick through your veins till your body trembled and shook.

Light flooded out of their mouth, a great beam of sun cast into the dark morning sky. Their still-glowing eyes now gave their skull a hollowed look, filled with nothing but light, pouring out with the overflow. Such multitudes could not be contained to a mortal body.

"We need to get the hell out of here!" Ahk yelled over the horrifying screeching, attempting to cover his ears best he could while still reaching for you.

Hopeless, you reached out as well, finding his hand in the space between you and grasping it as though he were a ship in a storm. He pulled you along, stumbling on his feet just as you did. The deep hum running through the earth and water had already worsened, till the ground began to crack, the water of the Nile turning into steam at an alarming rate.

You said nothing to each other, but he led you into the city and you followed without question. Every two seconds you cast looks behind your shoulder, watching events carelessly unfold, and stumbling over yourself whenever Ahk increased his speed. Together, you barrelled down the straight pathway to your destination––the gleaming palace.

"Ahk, what are we going to do?" You asked in a shaky voice, burdened by stumbling feet and a racing heart.

"I don't know," he admitted in his own fear-laced tone. "We need to hide you."

"We can't hide forever!" You wrenched yourself out of his grasp, pulling the both of you into a side alley hidden from Piye's––or Amun's––eyes. "That Goddess wants us here for a reason. We have to face him eventually."

"What if they were just dreaming?" He grasped both your upper arms, looking into you with wide, terrified eyes. "What if that Goddess doesn't come? I. Cannot. Lose you."

"It's our only hope. Don't you believe in your own Gods?"

"Not since Amun tried to steal you from me," he said, still searching your face for something he clearly couldn't find.

"That's your fucking friend up there!" You said, pointing behind you to Piye, who was now floating above the city walls, their hair suspended as they continued to bellow with that horrible ringing sound. "I know for a fact Piye would give their life for you and you should do the same."

"I know, I know," he hissed. "But I won't risk you. I have to hide you –"

He reached for you again, but you swatted his hands away.

"I will not be hidden!"

"No, no, no, no, no," he began to murmur, his gaze flickering between you and Piye, far behind you. "No, you must stay away. Far away."

"Ahk, I'm n––"

He tore his sleeve, a habit he had apparently used enough to become good at, and promptly tied it around your mouth. You protested greatly, pushing and shoving and kicking him away. In the end it was that same struggle you never won––your hands were tied behind your back, quite literally, and your legs followed. Even as you writhed and yelled, you could note the tears streaking down his face.

"Don't you do this!" You said through the gag, your words muffled as he threw you over his shoulder.

"I must keep you safe. I cannot fulfill my role if I am worrying about you," he explained in a weak voice.

With that, he hid you away in an underground cellar, locking the door as he left. Try as you might––and you did try, from yelling to thrashing to crying––you couldn't move from your spot, tied to one of the pillars holding up the dirt ceiling.

As much as he promised not to hurt you or bind you in any way, he sure had done it a lot. Tears began to burn your own eyes, and soon they were falling, soaked up by the gag wrapped around your head.

Piye's unholy screeching had yet to stop, even within the earth. The vibrations you'd felt so fiercely were dulled with distance, a fact you were very relieved about, as any risk of cave-in would've held you mortified. It was a small comfort compared to the severity of your situation, but you tried to revel in it nonetheless.

Every now and then you'd thrash in your bonds again, hoping your continuous struggle had done you some sort of good. Each time you were proven wrong, and still you rubbed your ropes against the splintered wood that kept you there, praying the bonds would break.

A soft hum reverberated in the room, and for a moment you were terrified Amun (in Piye's body, of course,) was knocking at the door. But a popping sound marked the end of the tune, making way for a person to appear, their form tall and still nothing more than a white silhouette.

How many god-damned magic people am I going to meet in Egypt? you thought tiredly. Piye was already enough for you, but the bushy, almost circular hair of this person had you convinced it was someone else.

Eyes pulled themselves open. The only trait on the glowing, ethereal form, and you recognized them. The heat on your skin. The crawling unease trickling down your spine. You recalled a night's sleep spent in a restless haze, and it clicked––it had watched you. This had watched you, now reaching forward as though to touch you. Instinctively you flinched away, but you couldn't go anywhere, not bound to the pillar. You tried your best to cringe and strain away. It still touched you, first by its' fingertips, and the burning heat reached down from your forehead down into your sternum.

"Stop!" You cried when the entirety of its' hand spread over your forehead, sending searing pain through your nerves like electricity. With your shout it withdrew, seemingly surprised by your reaction.

"Whhhat iss your naammmee?" It asked in many voices that spoke one after another, stretching the words.

"... Amoke," you said quietly, still pushing yourself against the pillar, but thankful it was no longer hurting you.

Slowly, starting at their crown and spreading down to their feet, their image appeared through the light. Who stood before you was not someone you recognized, but there was something unearthly about them––as their mouth opened, you found long rows of sharp teeth, all ordered as if it were normal to have that many teeth. But they towered above your shrunken form, fiery gold eyes staring down.

"You are... a friend of Ahkmen's?" They breathed out.

"Y - you mean Ahkmenrah?"

"Yes," they said with a relieved sigh, a smile stretching too-wide across their face. You curled further into yourself at the sight of their sharp teeth. "How is he?"

"Fighting Amun, I think," you said, hoping it would help them along.

"Oh, right," they said, jumping back into action.

Circling you, they bent to untie your ropes, grabbing your hand and wrenching open the lock on the door. Without pause they bounded up the steps with you in tow, leading you out of the alley and back onto the main street. By now the sun had risen, now shining bright with its' familiar warmth, circled by a sky of blue.

"Come, we must –"

"Wait, for one second," you said, pulling on your hand to release their hold, but you couldn't shake them off. "Who are you?"

"... my name is Mahjur," they said in a quiet voice. "I don't know if you know of me."

"I've... heard some things," you said vaguely.

"Shall we go now?"

You nodded, and the two of you were off. The main street still led straight from the gates to the palace, Gyasi to your right and Piye to your left. You had no way of knowing which way Ahk had decided to go, but Mahjur seemed to have some idea, as they set off straight away for Piye.

When you reached the city gates, you found the ground ripped into pieces, lightning-like strikes running through the earth. You stumbled over them and jumped, reaching the riverside where Amun had unleashed a special hell of holy wrath. The Nile was still boiling, and the height of the water had gone down drastically already, matched by the haze of fog and steam now hiding Amun, and Piye, from view. Spilt blood soaked your sandals, reaching up to the soles of your feet in a sticky liqueur. Sickness suddenly overtook you, nearly vomitting from the sensation even despite your previous run-ins with blood-soaked limbs, memories of dry blood tainting your tongue.

"Who has brought me to this form?" He asked from Piye's mouth, too deep for them, too roaring and ear-piercing.

"I am," said a woman, and your attention zipped to a figure standing atop the city gates, looking up at Amun. "I came to a magi in a dream and asked them to summon you."

The Goddess.

"Who is that?" You asked Mahjur quietly.

"Ma'at," they answered. "Goddess of order. I asked her to help. Knew she wouldn't stand by if she knew a God was breaking the natural order."

"Can we help her?"

"Yeah. Just need to wait for Ahkmen to get back from the palace," they said, looking back over their shoulder towards the shining palace in the distance. "He's fetching his royals and their soldiers under the guise of protecting the city. Once they're here, we can take down Amun, and Ahkmen can deliver a final blow. That'll reinstate him as Pharaoh."

"You've thought this through."

"Of course I have. I actually plan ahead, unlike Ahk."

"You can say that again," you mumbled beneath your breath.

Mahjur didn't respond, but took your hand again, pulling you out past the giant walls. The cracks in the ground were large enough that, at times, you needed to jump over the crevices, dodging the crumbling earth leading into a bottom you couldn't see. Before you could ask what to do, Mahjur began to search through the stalls still put together after Amun's rampage.

Caught up in whatever Mahjur was searching for, you remained unaware of Amun's argument with Ma'at, one that had digressed into nothing more than angry yelling. His eyes inevitably fell to you, and the glow within them tripled.

"Amoke," he said in a whisper that still echoed like drums.

You whirled around with eyes big as the moon. He, Piye and Amun, looked upon you with a smile that crawled across the darkened skin, illuminated by both the glow in his eyes and the rising daylight. Petrified into place, you could do nothing but watch as he lowered himself to your level. In Piye's body, Amun still towered over you, just as he had inhabiting his golden statue.

"Don't you look away from me, Amun!" Ma'at yelled from the top of the wall.

Even as the Goddess yelled, he did not tear his gaze from you. You began to back up, looking behind you to try and find Mahjur, but they were as scared stiff as you were. They would not help you, and Ma'at was too far away.

He snatched you in his arms, grinning as though he'd won some sort of prize. In Piye's face, glowing with Amun's power, you found something familiar––hunger. Ahk's hunger, of cannibals, of the rich. Your hands shook, followed by your heart thundering in your chest till you were sure your veins would explode. His smile was too wide, like Mahjur's, but empty and near expressionless.

"Pretty little thing," he said softly, scanning your face.

Wings of green and gold spread out above Amun's head, catching your eye as he attempted to lean in closer to you. Your eyes further widened when they began to descend, growing larger till the ground shook with the landing of heavy feet, marking Ma'at's footprints in the earth that burnt at the touch of her skin.

"How dare you look away from me," she said in a voice that trembled with her fury, barely contained in her mortal form.

A large hand came over Amun's head, wrenching on his––or rather Piye's––long, silver hair. Under Ma'at's control, he turned to face her with ire in his gritted teeth.

The Goddess, who had at first seemed rather small and delicate, had grown to twice the size of even Piye, meaning she seemed much like a statue to you and Mahjur. Her wings that came from nowhere now flared out, appearing to crown her head that she held high. Her eyes did not glow, but her anger reverberated in the air, thrumming in your bones.

"You claim to be a lord of all creation," she said through a fixed jaw, forcing Amun back and kneeing him in the face, hard enough to hear an audible crack that you winced away from. "And then you kill your children, betray the one who saved your armies, attempt to steal from the one who gave you back your power. You were not born yesterday, Amun."

When Ahk left you tied up in a cellar, the tears that lined his face grew cold in the wind of his running footsteps. His pace was slowed by the uphill slant, but he pushed himself as far as he dare, and made it to the bottom of the palace entrance in a short amount of time.

He noted throughout his run an astonishing absence of people. No people in their homes, no markets setting up, no guards at the palace door. As he made his way up the stairs, the reason for it became clear––the sound of many footsteps all trampling over each other came from within the pristine white walls of his home, coupled with fretting voices talking muted behind the walls. He cracked open the door to the inner chambers, and found his hypothesis to be correct.

The whole of the city––or those who had decided not to flee––were hidden within the palace. At the other side of the room sat the raised floor of the throne, and upon it sat Gyasi, flanked by the lesser advisors of Ahk's father. He kept a perfectly still expression, but Ahk knew better––Gyasi panicked under stress but seeked action in times of peace.

Keeping his head low, Ahk crept through the crowd, a hand on the wall to ensure he wouldn't lose himself. A few of the people he passed had hanging swords attached to their hips, and so he stole two just in case, hoping he wouldn't have to use either. Through the mutterings he heard, there were a good deal of complaints about Gyasi––a fact he definitely liked, though his delight was shortlived, as he soon heard a fair amount of criticisms on himself as well.

Murmurings and voices grew louder, more concerned as Amun's voice pierced the thick walls, sparking panic among the crowd. People began to move, bumping against each other and pushing one another aside. Ahk was inevitably hurt as well, thrown against the wall and landing on the floor.

It came to such a height that Gyasi stood, yelling a call to attention above the crowd, who stilled on command.

"Amun will not kill his devotees," he ensured, the skin of his neck dangling as he shouted. "He is searching for the False King and his whore."

Ahk could physically feel his irises shrink as he singled down on Gyasi, hatred boiling in his head.

"He is seeking a citizen," Ahk said, projecting his voice to speak over the old man stealing his throne.

Gasps came from those around him, the crowd suddenly parting completely, leaving him centered out from the bustling heads. Gyasi narrowed his eyes as he saw him.

"A citizen named Amoke. They are my friend, so I must protect them, but I will not abandon my people, leave them helpless in the hands of an artifact," Ahk continued as he stepped forward, making his way to the throne, where Gyasi began to back away. "Do you really think keeping everyone here is going to work?"

"We are dealing with your mess! It is undignified to insult someone cleaning up after you," Gyasi said with furrowed brows, a grimace and a sneer forming simultaneously on his crooked lips.

"I think it's alright if they're doing a godawful job at it," Ahk said flatly. "You need to get the citizens out of here, hide them in the brush of the Nile. If Amun breaches the city walls, this is the first place he will look, and he will demolish every living thing he sees. He is aiming to kill my friend, Amoke, and he does not care if others die in the process."

His words were doing little to quell the audience's worries, but that was his aim, as detrimental as it might be to the health of his citizens.

"You think you know better than I? I have been protecting the people of this city longer than you've been alive."

"You are a remnant of my father's rule. A relic from a time of barbaric violence and meaningless bloodshed. Now get the people to the nearest outcrop of the Nile. You and I have a God to face, if you're truly ready to protect Kemet," Ahk said, offering forward one of his swords.

"... very well," Gyasi said slowly, grasping the sword and drawing it to hilt on his hip. More murmurings came from the crowd that watched the argument. "Pikta, divide the populace and take them in groups. Divide soldiers evenly as you can."

"Yes, sir," said a soldier, who bowed and ran to the front of the room to obey.

"Is Amun outside?" Gyasi asked as he made his way to the entrance of the palace, Ahk at his side.

"He's at the city gates in Piye's body," Ahk said, and as the two of them breached the threshold, he found he could still see Piye's flying body in the distance.

"That beast?" He said with raised brows. "We have quite the battle ahead."

"Hopefully, we won't have to use these swords. We should have the help of a Goddess," Ahk said. "She came to Piye in a dream a little while ago and instructed us on the beginnings of a plan. It is our duty to help her."

"How do you know it isn't a trick?"

"We don't."

The two men began to run down the pathway, both sets of eyes trained on the distant crumbling walls of the city, allowing them to see a tall woman holding a man by his neck against the reflected sun on the Nile. As Ahk noticed two much smaller onlookers, his pace doubled in speed till he bounded down the street. He reached the end much sooner than Gyasi, but it didn't take long till both of them stood shocked, watching Ma'at raise Piye––Amun––into the sky on long, emerald and gold wings.

"I am the Lord of this world," Amun growled, a statement that sent him crashing towards the earth, Ma'at's muscled arm pounding him down.

She stalked over to him, footsteps drumming against the ground till she knelt at his side, grabbing his hair and pulling his face out of the mud.

"I want you to say that to Ptah," she said, before letting his head fall back down. "Mahjur."

Ahk's heart froze at the name. You watched it happen, how his body seized, eyes darting to the God beside you. He lost feeling in all his limbs as Mahjur stepped forward, glancing at Ahk before quickly looking away and joining Ma'at's side.

The two Gods––Ma'at and Mahjur––spoke to each other quietly, and most everyone present listened in with shocked expressions. What you didn't notice, caught up in Ahk's reaction to his old friend, was Amun sinking into the earth. You only realized this as you, too, began to lower into the earth. Beneath you, hands had grasped your ankles and pulled you down.

"Um, Ahk...!" You said in hyperventilated gasps, helpless on how to save yourself.

You no longer had control of your legs, unable to pull them upwards, and there was nowhere your arms could hold onto. Ahk looked to you, shouting when he caught the tail-end of you disappearing wholly into the ground. He ran to where you stood, but it was too late, and Amun was raising himself into the sky with you bound to him.

"Amoke!" Ahk cried.

“They do not belong to you,” Amun said with a smile, unsheathing a knife and baring it to those watching him in an act of vanity. “It’s mine.”

From above, those gathered at the city gates seemed small––even Ma'at, who was twice your height. You watched, unable to breathe through your bindings, as an object materialized in Ma'at's hand and was handed to Ahk with words you couldn't hear. The point of it directed to you, and in an instant you recognized it.

A hornbow.

The tip of the arrow pointed straight to you, and you writhed, desperately trying to escape Amun's grasp and worm out of the way. But he held you fast, and through his speech you couldn't hear over the thundering of your flowing blood, he laughed and held you tighter yet.

Twang.

The drawstring shot back into place, sending the arrow zipping through the sky, and straight into Piye's chest. Amun's arms and magical bindings faded away, and you fell through the open air. Ahk ran to catch you, careening straight into the still-steamy river with open arms. His efforts were not for nothing, as he caught you, using the water to ease your descent as well.

"They asked me to do it," Ahk said through tears pouring out of his eyes, falling as a rainstorm does, as waterfalls do, as blood does from the tip of a sword. "They asked me to shoot them. I didn't think. I saw you, and – and – I didn't –"

"It's going to be alright," you whispered in a shaky voice, comforting best you could even with your trembling hands. His shoulders wracked with heavy sobs as he hid his face in the crook of your neck, wide, haunted eyes cast over your back.

You looked upwards, watching what Ahk could not bear to see. Piye, and Amun, were suspended in open space, the end of a glittering arrow buried in their chest. As the body began to rise higher, your gaze fell to Ma'at and Mahjur still on the shore. They were chanting, both of them––something you couldn't hear, but their eyes began to glow, the veins in their body shining through their skin. You tapped Ahk's shoulders, asking him in a murmur to look. He reluctantly turned to watch.

The heavenly glow emanating from Piye's bones and eyes began to separate from the physical body, peeling away from itself till all that remained of it was a golden shell, shimmering and translucent. Your mouth fell open, watching the two forms pull away from each other.

Once Piye was fully separated from what you guessed was Amun, they fell down into the river, where Ahk also stumbled weakly to catch them. They did not wake, but the slow up and down of their chest marked that they were still breathing despite the arrow piercing them.

You turned back to the power of Amun, transforming from Piye's body to the symbol of the sun. The spells falling from Mahjur and Ma'at grew slowly louder, lifting Amun's essence through the sky, till it dissipated, and fell into the sun.

Silence.

The hum of magic, of broiling Gods and Goddesses came to a halt, and time stood still. It felt as though the world around you had been imbued with enchantments, marinated in it, and then separated entirely, cut off from the feeling of holiness. Your chest had caved in, leaving you near unable to breathe.

No wind. No movement in the water.

Someone was sobbing––you turned to search for the source, and found Ahk knelt in the water with Piye in his arms. His face was buried in his vizier's neck, quiet apologies coming from his trembling lips, matched by fevered hands.

"Bring them here, Ahkmenrah," Ma'at said softly, beckoning the Pharaoh.

He turned to face her, slowly breathed away the tears still building in his eyes, and carried Piye to shore best he could. When he reached Ma'at's feet, he set his friend down to life flat on the earth.

"Oh you young men," Ma'at murmured as she knelt, a hand poised over Piye and the arrow. "Shu of the morning... who have power over those who flash among the sun-folk, whose arms move about and whose heads sway to and fro... may they move about every day."

Piye's eyes fluttered slowly open, a soft groan escaping them as they blinked. The arrow lodged in their chest dissipated to no more than ash. Ahk gasped, a wide grin spreading across his features as he once more knelt to his knees, helping Piye to sit up.

"Are you alright, my friend?" He asked hurriedly, scanning over the healing injury.

"I... I can't see," Piye murmured in a breath, still swaying from the weakness of their muscles. They fell against Ahk. "I can't see anymore."

"What? How –"

"Oh Gods," Piye said, their breathing quickening. "It's as if I am a child again."

"Amun claimed your magic," Ma'at said softly. She hadn't ever looked you in the eye, but she met the magi's, a kinder look on her than ever before. "To save you and your.. friends, I locked Amun into the sun, with help from Mahjur."

Mahjur gingerly stepped up behind Ma'at, looking to you, then Piye, and to the ground below Ahk.

"I am afraid your magic intwined with Amun’s, and I had to lock it into the sky as well, to rid of him," she finished. “Your magic is what gave you eyesight to begin with, if you remember those years.”

"I... do I look.. the same?" They asked in a shaky voice.

"Taller than anything," Ahk said instantly. "Dark skin. White hair. You look the same."

"But with no... magic," they murmured.

"You may still have remnants. Most people do have a base magic. You might be able to do small spells," Mahjur said. You watched Ahk bite into his cheek and look down.

Piye cried––you expected little else, and you waited patiently as they came to process everything that had just happened. When they requested a rundown of the events (as apparently their memory was not fantastic), Ahk happily explained what had come to pass, with his usual dramatic debonair. Ma'at stayed and chuckled at certain points, but stood when Ahk finished.

Movement caught the corner of your eye, and your gaze darted upwards, ready for any return of danger. But what you found instead were people––lots of people, coming from several different directions and circling you, Ahk, the two Gods, Piye, and Gyasi. They were muttering amongst themselves, and from what you heard they appeared to be discussing the validity of Ahk's story.

"I must return to the Duat before anything else decides to unhinge itself from the natural order," Ma'at said at the end of Ahk's retelling. Mahjur, who had taken a seat beside the Goddess, stood as well.

"Wait, Ma'at," Ahk said, standing with a hand out, hoping to halt her. She turned expectantly. "Can I... Mahjur..."

She glanced between the two, who even now were too nervous to look at each other. You watched on though, watched how timid and shaky they both grew, itching terribly to acknowledge one another.

"... very well," Ma'at sighed. "I'll give you a moment."

Ahk didn't even leave time to thank Ma'at for the allowance. He went straight to his friend, colliding with them and wrapping his arms so tight round them you could swear it'd kill a regular human. Mahjur had much of the same attitude, tears and laughter coming simultaneously from them.

"I will be waiting for you," they said with the biggest grin, parting for a very short moment to stroke the side of his face. "I wait for you in the field of reeds."

"I await my death, then," Ahk laughed giddily, followed by his friend bursting into giggles as well. You couldn't help but grin, but you hid it behind your hand.

"Come now, Mahjur," Ma'at commanded, and the two friends reluctantly parted, allowing Mahjur to rejoin Ma'at.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, though Ma'at was still a great deal taller than everyone present, and in a flash they were gone. Murmurings in the crowd grew in volume, people drawing closer as they realized their Pharaoh had never lied.

They had truly seen Ma’at, the Goddess of peace.

Relief––that was the only way to explain it. Pure, unaltered relief, flooding your veins, flooding your thoughts. Tremors in your hand that you didn't even notice were there disappeared, the knot in your brow fading with it. Air felt like it had been made anew, refreshed after a hundred years of a solitary cave, and you could smile. No more Gods.

Finally.

[mycptsdrecovery]

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

TW

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

[fcnna]

❝ Even if you are a small forest surviving off of moon alone: your light is extraordinary. ❞ MILENA TSCHARNTKE? No, that’s actually FENNA VAN DEN BERG. A SIXTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE/THEY identifies as GENDERQUEER and is a MUGGLEBORN who is known to be FICKLE, ESCAPIST and DISTANT, but also ARTISTIC, STEADY and INDEPENDENT.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: susanna kaysen (girl, interrupted), chidi anagonye (the good place), pam halpert (the office), riley blue (sense8) HELLO gang, so this is a rewrite/repost of my old intro. fenna is now sixteen, not twenty six, and she’s a puff rather than a beauxbatons graduate. some of this will be the same, some will not! yeet!

history

fenna is born to a dutch family in the city of utrecht as the youngest of three. her family is a rich one --- one of the richest, actually. they’re ambitious and cunning and success and reputation are words that fenna is all too familiar with growing up. there is no room for oddities or rebellion or putting a toe out of line and fenna doesn’t mind. they’re good at rules and doing what is expected and falling in line, anyways. it’s safe. it’s easy.

her father has to go abroad for work. a lot. germany, france, belgium, the uk ... he’s more away from home than he’s not. when the company he works for (or, well, partly owns, really) has a great opportunity to become even more global, he drags his family with him to england, where they settle in manchester. it’s an exciting thing, to move across europe when you’re seven, but a sad one, too. fenna says goodbye to all their friends and teachers and weeps in the car and refuses to learn english.

they do learn, eventually. fenna doesn’t have much of a choice, as they attend muggle private school. and once they know their way around the language, they do well in school. unaware of the fact that they’re a wix, there’s a lot of pressure on their shoulders and they work hard, their focus iron-like, their wish to please their parents great. but in moments of stress, their magic shows --- and fenna is scared of it. fenna does not tell their parents, out of fear of disapproval and raised eyebrows, not wanting to admit that this is something real in the first place. in stead, they get the best grades and play the piano and keep their worries locked in their heart. magic isn’t real.

and yet, the truth comes out one day. fenna is a witch, they’re all told, and it’s a shock. they are to go to a school in scotland and study magic there. it’s a shock. it’s like a bomb goes off in their home. but here’s the thing --- their parents didn’t stop loving them. and yet, something did change in the way she was loved, and fenna -- quiet and observant -- noticed it all too well.

because here’s the thing --- when you’re a witch, you can’t go to one of the top universities in the uk and become a doctor or lawyer or politician, you can’t fill the mold that comes with being a van den berg, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t. and that was what life was all about for fenna up until now, and what it is still all about for their family, and suddenly for them, that was over. so things changed. slowly but surely and eventually disastrously ( but we’re not there yet ).

so fenna was off to this boarding school, with their eyes wide open and their heart hammering. from day one, a wedge started growing between them and their family. whether it was disapproval, insecurities or the distance that forced it, no one really knows --- but it was there, from the beginning, and only grew bigger. meanwhile fenna did find themselves at hogwarts, falling in love with magic and the feeling of control they got when spells went right. the pressure was off from her family ---- what did they care if they succeeded in magic? it’d not mean anything in the muggle world. doing well at hogwarts was something fenna did for themselves and yes, that still made them stressed and anxious and the pressure was still there, but it had lessened, changed.

fenna started sending less owls to home. they and their family grew apart more and while that happened, they found something called independence and that it came quite easily to them. fenna learned what living for themselves was. they learned that, damn it, there were no dreams for great successes in law or politics living inside of them. there was a passion for art, though, for all kinds of it. painting especially, was what they fell in love with.

queerphobia tw / after her fifth year, fenna had grown into an independent, but solitary person. their art had become better, their passions grown bigger, their relationship with their parents as fragile as a bomb. fenna spent the summer at home, trying to see what was wrong, what was happening with them and their parents. in the end, they decided that something was just horribly wrong. their parents were no monsters, but they struggled with fenna’s magic, and their wishes to become an artist, with their gender and sexuality, with everything, really. there were fights. there were disagreements. fenna felt terrible, being home, and longed for the end of summer, for a return to hogwarts, for a place to feel at damn home end of tw

it was just hard, with their family. there was never any real confrontational harsh destruction, never a moment of outspoken disapproval or disappointment. everything was kept in the shadows. in their home, there was no room for honesty, and if there was, it was like a bomb exploding, with everything coming out. it was suffocating. fenna couldn’t do it any more.

i do think that this moment during summer break was significant. it was a push for fenna to grow more serious about their passions. they want to go to art school, want to do what they want to do, because they know that they will never be happy doing what their parents want from them. they’re ready for the world, to chase their dreams --- i mean, it’s utterly terrifying, but fenna is finally daring to think about a future in the arts, rather than a future with more stability, one that fit in the image they always had of their own future.

and then they return to hogwarts and the war breaks out. the war is ... well, it’s fucking terrifying, frankly. fenna is no fighter, they know that. they’re no good with dueling or offensive spells. they’re no good in any of this, frankly ---- fenna craves control in everything in their lives and they dont have that with this war, especially as it does target people like them. for now, they are neutral, cowardly hiding in the shadows. they know that there’s things to do, that there should be things she could do, that she should not hide in fear but --- how do you not do that, if that is your instinct? 

personality & ramblings

meet fenna --- your local tortured artist! sad pal, with a good heart but a lot of insecurities and doubts clouding it. i’m going to try and just summarise their general personality here!!

fenna is first and foremost independent. they don’t rely on anyone but themselves, and like it that way. they don’t feel independent, they feel absolutely bloody lost, but they are. this partly comes from the fact that they like to feel in control and at this point, they do hold a lot of the reigns when it comes to stuff in her life? they also rly like things that are logical because of this, like maths and arithmancy and potions

fenna is ... both incredibly emotional and completely rigid? in their private time, they cry and rage easily, but to the outside world they’re definitely quite composed and rigid. fenna is good at pretense and masks and not showing all that is going on.

as a friend, they’re nurturing and kind and always down for a spontaneous night of shenanigans. doesn’t like DANGER but does like shenanigans.

idk i can go on for forever theyre such a mess

nsfw / fenna’s genderqueer/femme. they use both she/her and they/them pronouns --- it depends on how they’re feeling, but also who they’re with, tbh. they’re pansexual/panromantic and very easy when it comes to sex. puts the ho in art ho! nah but for real they sleep around and they don’t think much of it at all tbh, sex is fun and it relaxes her and it’s a good time for everyone involved / end

oof such a romantic, deep down. just aesthetic wise for sure, but also ... fenna does love like, jane austen and the bronte sisters and old romance novels and shitty romcoms and ahhhh. does believe in true love but ? have they given it a shot? really? not rly. too afraid of it.

also, def has some stereotypical muggleborn stuff going on. never used quills, thinks the wizarding world is a mess always, etc. they also love muggle culture in general and is addicted to netflix tbh. VERY MAD ABOUT THE PHONE BAN! they miss pinterest and netflix big time.

depression & anxiety tw / fenna is depressed & has general anxiety disorder. both are undiagnosed at the moment, as they don’t really . understand that something might be going on, or rather are in denial about it. i mean, to a certain extent they know that something’s not right, but they don’t want to take any steps to find help, because they downplay it Big Time in their mind. the war is definitely contributing to all this. end of tw.

honestly they just want to move the fuck away from this war, either back to the netherlands. they dont! like! this! war.

i could see them joining the MA, somewhere along the line? but rn fenna just. likes sitting in their corner. escaping from this shitty reality. smoking some pot. painting some shit. ignoring the reality of the world. 

ALSO I RLY STRUGGLED W THEIR HOUSE BC LIKE FENNA WOULD DO SO WELL IN RAVENCLAW BUT! I THINK THEY WORK WELL AS A PUFF BC IF YOURE THEIR FRIEND THEY ARE SO LOYAL! AND THEY DONT MIND HARD WORK when its GOOD work and also theyre just. a nice person. 

[yourfavoritewerewolf]

i needed to get some deirdre/zoro out of my system so heres a huge long thing about them sfkgjhsda

Who is the most affectionate?

Deirdre is the most openly affectionate (she has a hard time hiding emotions, especially in dog form)

Big spoon/Little spoon?

Zoro is big spoon so he can hug her tummy

Most common argument?

Zoro keeps insisting he won’t get lost (everyone knows better). 2nd most common is his drinking habits.

Favorite non-sexual activity?

sparring. and also for-real fighting (other ppl, of course)

Who is most likely to carry the other?

Deirdre will 100% pick Zoro up if prompted (he hates it)

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Deirdre loves his arms and hands, Zoro refuses to say (its her legs)

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Zoro’s like “wtf. wtf is this wtf What The F” and Deirdre just kinda. doesnt know what to do lmao

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Neither of them are rly into nicknames (also I cant think of any that dont make Me cringe lol)

Who worries the most?

definitely Deirdre. usually its about her family, but she has to trust her grandpa to keep them out of trouble

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Zoro, weirdly enough (maybe bc they like Never go to a restaurant lol). Deirdre can guess but it hasn’t sunk in really

Who tops?

Zoro sdfdjkdshdffgsfd 

Who initiates kisses?

its usually a p even split, but Zoro is more likely to pull them somewhere quiet for a smooch sesh

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Deirdre 

Who kisses the hardest?

who knows bruh, theyre both a little reckless

Who wakes up first?

Deirdre, usually. being a farmgirl kinda pounds an early rise into you

Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Zoro, and Deirdre’s usually p easily swayed

Who says I love you first?

Deirdre just blurts it out one day and Zoro is thrown for a loop lmao

Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Neither are really the type to leave notes; they would rather just say stuff face to face

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Deirdre tells her family about her crush like immediately. Nami forces her to spill it once she learns its mutual

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Chopper doesn’t really understand it but generally approves, Nami and Robin think its sweet (although part of them can’t believe it at first), Usopp swears he’s the one who introduced them. No one else in the crew knows (Franky has a hunch, but he doesn’t say anything). D & Z keep it fairly quiet for a While bc its a little hard to figure out a good way to say it

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Deirdre, but only if she’s drunk, so it only happens once

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Deirdre hasnt cooked in ages, but she knows her way around a kitchen. Zoro, on the other hand, doesnt give a crap

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Neither. Deirdre would be unable to say them and Zoro wouldn’t even think of them in the first place

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Zoro somehow always picks the Worst timing (its on purpose)

Who needs more assurance?

Deirdre, usually. She doesnt always have the best self-image, plus theres the whole tashigi thing

What would be their theme song?

ok i have a whole playlist for them here but if i had to choose One song i would say best mistake - seaway

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Deirdre, because Zoro can only sing rock songs and she actually knows lullabies

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Worry just a little bit about the other (expecially at the end of the Dressrosa arc. They’re like 14 days travel apart)

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

Zoro keeps remembering how he indirectly caused his best friend’s death and is terrified that its somehow going to happen to Deirdre too

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

Deirdre is friggin Stronk

[raendown]

aw thankyou, of course my luck its going to the west coast where i live annd my dad doesnt care to board up the windows or evacuate so were gonna wait it out :((( could the prompty thingy be about kakashi and sakura sitting in their mordern au shelter as hurricane irma goes over and theyre both spooked. idk everything you write makes me super happy iiiily raee and ty

I hope you stay safe and all of your loved ones too!

So, disclaimer, I uh…I’ve never experienced anything even close to a hurricane. I’m over here in the middle of Canada with my disgustingly normal weather and I feel a little guilty for that sometimes lately. >.

Anyway, point is this is written entirely on what I imagine having a hurricane pass over you might be like. Accuracy not guaranteed. 

-

They took her straight out of the water three blocks from her home, strapped a harness to her waist and pulled her up to sit in a helicopter with four other sopping wet survivors. Sakura was cold and wet and terrified but she refused to sit with her back against the wall. No, instead she rode with her head hanging out as far as she dared, eyes wide as they searched the devastation below. 

What if Kakashi was still down there somewhere? What if he had been left behind, passed over? She pictured the waters rising over his fluffy silver head, his one dark eye wide with panic, and she held her stomach to calm the nausea.

They took her to the closest shelter because they couldn’t take the time to bring her group any farther. They had more people to rescue and every second counted. She understood, she really did, no matter how much she wished they would take her far away. Sakura wrapped her soaked jacket around the shoulders of the little boy who had sat beside her and steered him inside the shelter. It was a chaos inside, too many people and not enough aid. She stood in line with the other survivors and when it was her turn they handed her the last bottle of fresh water available. She gave it to the little boy. 

A harried woman with glasses that refused to stay up directed her to where there might be a bed or two left that she could sleep on and she walked that way with heavy steps. 

She only made it halfway before a voice rose above the crowd, screaming her name and making her heart leap in to her throat. She knew that voice. She needed that voice. 

“Sakura!”

“Kakashi? Kakashi!?”

He nearly bowled over a snappish old woman in his haste but they both ignored the swearing as they fell in to each other’s arms. Tears slid freely down her face to mingle with the water that weighted down her clothes. Kakashi held her so tightly she could almost feel her ribs creaking, not caring in the slightest that she was soaking him too. 

He took her back to the bed he had be assigned to hours ago. 

“They evacuated my end of town first,” he told her. “I’ve been here since noon I think. You’re all I’ve been able to think about. Are you okay? Were you hurt?” Sakura shook her head.

“I’m fine. You’re here, so I’m fine. I kept thinking I would look down and see you floating in the water.”

He pulled her in to his arms again. She leaned her head on his shoulder and listened to the children crying all around them, wondering how many of them couldn’t find their parents. 

It was hours more before anything happened. Night fell and the rooms of the shelter were lit only be a few dangling lamps. Each time the lamps rattled and flickered the children screamed and Sakura could hear a young man praying nearby. She watched him kneel and press his forehead to the ground and she hoped fervently that his prayers would be answered. 

“Everything’s going to be okay, you know that right?”

She turned to see Kakashi watching her. He brushed a piece of her hair from her face and she gave him a sad look in return. 

“Your apartment is under water. Mine will be too by now. We’ve lost everything Kakashi. How is anything going to be okay?”

“We have each other.” He poked one finger in to the corner of her mouth, molding the skin until it formed a strange half smile. “Turn that frown upside down, Candy Lady. I don’t need anything in this world like I need you.” 

“My possessions. My home. My car. I’ve lost everything I’ve worked for!” 

Kakashi sighed and leaned back against the wall, pulling her with him. “I know, sweet thing. I know.” He pet her hair gently as her eyelids began to droop. “Hey, looks like we can take that vacation across the country to see my dad early this year. He always talks about that empty room in his house. That…that sounds like a really nice place to start again, wouldn’t you say?”

Sakura bolted straight up on the bed, looking down at him with a shocked face. 

Then she buried her face in her hands and sobbed in confusion for all the emotions rushing through her. 

It was dark and the storm outside was only getting louder as the hurricane drew near again. The lights flickered and children screamed. She was cold and scared and sad. 

But she also had Kakashi - and now she had hope. He was right. His dad’s house in the distant countryside: that sounded like a really nice place to rebuild.

[early-midnight-poetry]

when the dark meets the pastel pink

the old american au no one asked for. words are mine. photos from tumblr.

it was the June 24, 1856 in Brooklyn. Mia was new in town and her soft Southern accent just can't seem to bend with the rough burr of the Italians. everyone seemed to get along one second then in another theyre already beating someone up bloody. she just clutched her hat down and didnt meet anyones eye as she scuttled to her room at Board St.

aside from getting along with the Brooklyn crowd, her other problem was Ava. now Ava is a tall Italian girl built like an assassin who whipped her gun carelessly like a handshake and smiled with shark teeth. this terrified Mia beyond belief and was almost unmoving when she realized that in the apartment she rented a room in, Ava lived next door. if only she could cry and move, she has a little over 50 dollars for food until she found a job.

Ava, short for Ave Maria (ugh curse her Italian lineage and their obsession with God) but she is hardly proper like her namesake. she wore coats black as sin and shoes leather straight and rattled off curses that could curdle goat milk. Mia could hardly count how many times shes seen a black blur appear in front of her to either taunt or tease on good days and snark or stare on bad days. but shes beyond grateful: Ava was the one that got her a job at a nearby fruit shop. having grown in a farm, its an easy job with an easy pay.

she wanted to work at the bakery Ava's family owned though, seeing that being close to their daughter meant a little bit more protection than usual. but Ava's flat stare told her that it was off-limits. she only then knew why when Ava stumbled home drunk and Mia, out of the goodness of her heart, helped her get to bed safely and sent a basket of fruit before she went on her way. "the bakery's a front. we deal olive oil." Ava whispered softly, as if someone is listening in closely. Mia just dropped her jaw in shock. That's why.

dealing olive oil was a big deal then. that meant your family either own orchards or factories, and both meant that youre rolling in the dough. that made Ava a girl she should not be hanging out with. money makes one dangerous and in danger. if Ava got into trouble, she might be dragged along too. but when she saw how Ava got her up on her feet, how Ava led her through the Brooklyn streets, how Ava this and how Ava that... she cant seem to imagine being without her.

so she stuck around regardless of the danger. Ava stuck around even after Mia told her of what she learned. Ava only shrugged and said "your choice, doll." Mia blushed at the petname but refused to let it show. she was Mia Smith, and she never shows weakness to Ave Maria Corleone of all people.

one day, as she was walking down Jones Avenue to the city market, a shadow of brown rushed by her side and clutched at her bag. in her surprise, she dropped the baggage and the thief took off at an amazing speed. before she could cry out, another shadow, black, soundlessly tackled the thief down and barreled punches at the fallen boy's face and body. she could see from afar the blood that spilled from the split lip and bruises black and blue on olive skin. then she saw shark teeth. Ava, her bones whispered.

she stood petrified as a man, twice Ava's weight and height, towered over her and grasped her clenched hands and lifted her effortlessly while the thief lay down unconscious and bloody. a couple of similarly built men, albeit smaller, dragged him off to God knows where. she heard the man shout in angry Italian at Ava's face while her friend wore a stony expression. she guessed a couple of words in their conversation such as "fight" then "thief" to "girl" and "so stupid Ava!".

Ava shrugged and muttered a few words back before she shouldered Mia's forgotten bag and trudged up to her, knuckles split. she immediately thrusted the bag back into Mia's arms with a harsh "here" and was about to escape when Mia's arms came up and held her close, teary eyed.

Mia's whole life was in that bag. the train ticket that got her to Brooklyn. the money she worked so hard for. the capital shes going to use to build her own shop, one of flowers like ones that grew back home. pictures of the family she left behind for a life shes building for the future. she clutched Ava close, mouth rattling out thank you's and im sorry's but Ava shook her head and wrapped her arms around Mia too. it was a silly sight: a Southern girl in white and a black-clad warrior with dripping knuckles.

her friendship with Ava seemed to grow after that. before she goes to work, she drags the other girl to breakfast at The Kooperom, a weird German breakfast station that served bacon pancakes with maple syrup straight from Canada. she usually orders a stack but Ava eats like a bird, all bits of this and that and says thats what makes her strong (she doesnt refuse when Mia offers her a bite though).

Ava stopped teasing her beyond what was normal, and Mia stopped judging every new scar that appeared on Ava's body nor the blood that seemed permanent on her coat, right atop her family's insigne.

it was hard to remember how exactly their relationship escalated to friends to being, well, more than friends. all that Mia knows is that she was handing a peach as pink as Ava's lips, she figured if they taste like it too. needless to say, the back alley became a spot of two girls pawing at each other and trying not to get caught. they never did.

from then on, Ava became a somewhat permanent fixture not only in her life, but also in her room. she came home one day, a paper bag in hand from the market, and almost dropped the whole lot when she saw Ava napping peacefully on her couch. the door lock was successfully cracked and her lover snored for someone so quiet. instead of unleashing her wrath, she calmly locked the door, took off her shoes and slipped into Ava's embrace. the sleeper just grunted and held her close, and Mia thought if this is what home feels like.

little pastries were abundant on her table, Mia fuming and demanding she pay for them while Ava smirked and disappeared after kissing Mia thoroughly. pink always brushed Mia's cheeks and that Corleone thug is the one to blame. and flowers. all colors and kinds started appearing around her room, in small vases or big bouquets. Ava figured that since Mia wants a flower shop, she should start small. cue intense tears and even more intense kissing because who knew gangsters have hearts?

it happened when they both had nothing better to do and decided to sit around her window, watch the night sky, throw back some wine and quality chocolate, stuff like that. it happened when her sweatered shoulder brushed against Ava's bare one, a common thing as they sat hip to hip. it happened when she looked at Ava to see the girl already staring back at her, as if the stars were in her very eyes.

"i love you." softly spoken from a girl of steel and blood. she not only stole her breath, but her very heart.

she could only smile and say,

"i love you too."