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chaosduckies · 7 months ago

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Their First Date

Surprise! Here’s a little gift from me to you for getting me to 50 followers! I hope you guys like it :D

Word Count: 4.5k

CW: None!

———Nathan———

Things were great. Amazing even. A month out of school and nothing bad has happened. Yet. I was still afraid that something horrible might happen since my luck is just like that. When I have something good, it just gets stripped away from me. Hopefully not now though. I mean, I couldn’t ask for anything better really. Ryker asked if I wanted to live here now that we were… dating. He said he also didn’t want me to be lonely all of the time so how could I say no to that generous offer?

My only problem was that I couldn’t help out much. Like at all. I mean I could cook for Lucky and Angela and all of that, but I couldn’t do anything to help Ryker, which was one of my main reasons for coming on top of helping take care of his siblings. So there goes that plan down the drain. It never stopped me from at least trying to though. When he was cooking I’d try to push some of this things he needed closer. Of course I could barely even do that and he just picks it up effortlessly whenever he did need it. I try to walk around on my own, but since there aren’t any human accommodations at the moment, I can’t even get around anywhere without him carrying me around.

I felt bad, but I had no idea what to do. It just kind of feels like I was there just to be there. That makes sense, right?

Today wasn’t any different. I made some breakfast for Lucky and Angela like usual, walked out into the living room to see that everyone else was already eating their own breakfast, and just waited for Ryker. Again, I couldn’t just climb up the couch, nor did I really want to ask anyone to just let me on.

Ryker walked into the room, yawning before holding out his hand for me. I climbed on, being placed on the armrest as usual. I still didn’t really understand how this whole… “relationship” thing works. I mean I did sort of, but not really. Right now it just feels like we’re still acting like friends. Like, what else were we supposed to do? We’ve only ever kissed twice, the night after we had graduated, and I don’t know if that was only a one time thing. I don’t know! I should probably ask him or tell him that I don’t know how any of this works but I had no idea how he’d react. Lately we’ve just been around each other, he’s kept me a lot closer and I absolutely love it (Curse being touch starved beyond repair-), he lets me sleep with him if I want to and he’s just…agh. He knew more about this than I did that was for sure.

“Did you eat?” Ryker whispered so quiet that only I had heard him. I turned to face him, nodding my head. Last night we stayed up pretty late. We weren’t even doing anything either. I was just listening to him like we used to do. I never realized how much I loved listening to his voice. Was that the reason I loved him? He had mentioned something about maybe applying to a college, but he didn’t really know if he could handle it. I wanted to say, “Of course you can!” Or really anything, but I didn’t. And I should have.

“Did you?” I mumbled. He gave a slow nod, closing his eyes while listening to whatever conversation was happening in front of us. I slightly frowned, worried. Was he more tired because of me? He never used to be like this, even while we were still in school. Maybe it was because he has been thinking hard about enrolling into a college? Then again I’ve noticed that he tries his hardest to make as much time for me as possible. I had no idea why, and I always feel bad that I’m keeping him up. So was it really me?

I winced at the thought, but didn’t dwell on it for so long. I can just ask him, right? Yeah. Just ask him and then you’ll get your answer. It’ll all be fine…

After everyone had left, Jasmine grabbing a blanket and tossing it over Ryker, who looked about ready to just pass out from the lack of sleep. Should’t I be the one to do that? I played with my hands, heart beating faster. Jasmine came back from the kitchen with a mug filled with tea and ordered Ryker to go to sleep. He just smiled softly and thanked her as she headed off to Isabelle and Angela’s room. I can’t do any of that for him…

I sighed, turning my body to grab the human-sized pillow and blanket to wrap myself up. I didn’t have anything to do today. Usually everyone goes off and does their own thing. If they had left they’d tell either Ryker or me and then go. I mean I’m glad that they don’t think I’m messing up everything around here, but still. Was I the only one here who thought that I was just being a nuisance?

“Nathan, you okay?” Ryker had asked, sitting up with the same worried look in his eyes as always. I nodded, “I should be asking you the same question.” I stared down at the fabric I was sitting on. I felt so bad. I wish I could do so much more. I wish I could be the one to take care of him when he’s sick or tell him to rest when I knew he needed it. Instead I was just stuck and forced to watch others do my job. That is what I’m supposed to do, right? Take care of your partner?

“Hm? I’m fine. Just a little tired.” He smiled, his hand opening palm-up to face me. I hesitantly climbed on, wondering if this was the right choice. Did he want me to take a nap with him? My face flushed a deep red at the realization. In front of everyone? If they come to the living room they’ll see us. I guess there wasn’t really a reason to feel so embarrassed aside form the constant teasing from Dylan and Lucky later.

“Would you mind going out with me later? Just the two of us.” He had asked, still sitting up. I jumped, a little shocked at the question. Go out? Like-Like on a date?

“W-with m-me?”I squeaked out, earning a little laugh from Ryker.

“Who else would I go on a date with? Plus, I know we both don’t like crowded places, so it’s a small place I know.” He waited for my answer. How could I say no? I’ve never been on a date either. But wouldn’t that just make him more tired?He wouldn’t be embarrassed by me? It’s not entirely unheard of a human to be with a giant but isn’t it… weird for him? He’s also said he’s never kissed a human before, so this was new for Ryker too?

“Sure!” I smiled, trying to cover up my worry. Won’t people look at us weird for being together? Being friends with a giant and dating one are two different things. I think at least. If other people catch on that we’re dating wouldn’t they say something about it? No one has yet, but still. I was always afraid of that. That maybe it’ll eventually get to Ryker and then he’d really leave me.

Ryker slightly cupped his hand a bit more, a soft smile on his face, “Did you want to go somewhere else? I’ll just take a short nap.” He had offered before resting his head on the pillow lying next to him. I shook my head, climbing off his hand as soon as he was comfortable.

“Get some rest.” I mumbled, my mind debating on getting closer or staying where I was at. Ryker didn’t reply, but closed his eyes and shoved the hand that was holding under the pillow. I stayed as quiet as I could be before deciding to lay down and close my own eyes. So it was decided. We were officially going on our first date.

——————

When I woke up, there was no looming presence near me like when I had fallen asleep. I pushed myself up, rubbing my eyes and looking around while my vision came back to me. Ryker wasn’t lying next me anymore. I jumped, looking around the living room and finding Dylan sitting on the other side of the couch with Lucky on his shoulder while playing a game on the tv.

I tried to stay quiet, hoping they wouldn’t notice me being awake while they were hyper focused on whatever game they were playing with no volume. Did they not want to wake me up? Dylan quietly groaned while glaring back to Lucky on his shoulder, who I was guessing was sticking his tongue out like some child. That actually fits him extremely well.

Dylan turned his gaze to me, taking a second to realize that I was awake.

“Oh! Sorry we didn’t wake you up, right?” Dylan asked, letting Lucky down next to me, who was wearing a huge smirk on his face. Here comes the teasing of course… It was actually pretty funny though.

“N-no.” I shook my head.

“You were sleeping with himmm.” Lucky laughed. My cheeks flushed red from embarrassment as I didn’t really know how to reply to that. What was I supposed to say? “Sorry for sleeping with your brother.”? Yeah, that was not happening. Imagine if he found out that we basically sleep with each other every night. He already tries to get me to kiss him, but I’m always hesitant about that. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s more like if Ryker even wanted to in the first place. Plus, I doubt he can even feel it unless he really focused. Why was I thinking about this right now?

“He’s just taking a shower right now. He told me to help you down if you woke up.” Dylan shrugged. That makes more sense. But shouldn’t Ryker still be sleeping? Why didn’t he just wake me up? Was it a bad idea to stay with him? Wait, just calm down. I took a short deep breath before standing up and trying my hardest to regain balance on the cushiony surface.

“Th-thank you.” I spoke a little louder than a whisper so Dylan could hear. He let me climb onto his hand and slide me off onto the floor. I’ve been getting closer with everyone lately. Mostly because I’ve been staying here for the past month, but still, I always try to avoid asking for favors and to let them help me because I didn’t know if they’d eventually get annoyed. Stupid, right? It’s still a possibility.

I walked over to the human-sized rooms, checking the time on the digital clock by the fridge reading that it was almost one in the afternoon. I had no idea if Angela was hungry or not, but Lucky didn’t mention anything. I guess I’ll wait until Angela comes and finds me. In the meantime… I should probably figure out what I want to wear later tonight. I didn’t want to look indecent, plus I had no idea where he was even taking me. He said somewhere not crowded so I guess it would be fine.

In the end, I just chose a simple t-shirt with my blue jacket and some jeans. It’s not really that fancy but I doubt either of us were going to wear anything like we were going to a five star restaurant. It seemed fine to me. I laid them out on the couch and went back to the living room where Dylan and Lucky were still playing their game. I didn’t want to bother them, so I just walked around the place, enjoying the little peace I had. As much as I loved staying here, I had no idea how Ryker handles everything all at once. At least I’m helping. Even if it really wasn’t much.

There was only one more month before everyone but Ryker and I had to go to school, but even then I’m pretty sure Ryker is going to apply for college if I can convince him to. I mean he does deserve it, but I also don’t want him to be overloaded with things. He can do online courses and take in person twice a week. That doesn’t sound too hard and I can try my hardest to take care of things over here. I doubt I could, but still.

——————

It was around seven at night, I was dressed up in the clothes I had laid out, waiting for Ryker to finish changing. I couldn’t help but feel the teasing stares as Dylan and Lucky were both whispering about something I couldn’t exactly hear. Isabelle and Angela were busy playing in their room and Jasmine’s attention was glued to the tv, but I could tell how much she just wanted to slightly tease me too. I sucked in a shaky breath and just kept waiting.

“Hey Nathan, going on a date?” Dylan had asked, switching seats to right next to me. My face flushed a deep red from embarrassment. He can probably make a really good guess from that. I let go of the breath I was holding, hesitantly nodding my head. Don’t get me wrong, I do really want to go with Ryker, but what if I do something wrong? Would that make things awkward? Would he kick me out? I technically do have a place to go but I don’t think I could really handle that. Mentally wise.

“Just leave him alone, Dylan, you’re gonna make him self-conscious.” Jasmine chuckled as Dylan muttered an apology.

“Hey I’m just trying to say good for him.” He shrugged, turning his own attention to the tv. My heart started beating faster the second I heard Ryker’s door open. My breath nearly caught in my throat seeing that he was wearing a sweater than looked a little baggy on him, but I think that was the look he was going for. People would look at him because he’s wearing a sweater in the middle of summer, but then again I’m wearing a jacket so I can’t say anything. Instead of his usual pants with the chains on the side he was wearing gray cargo pants. This was nothing like how he usually dresses up. Did he dress up for me? Now that makes me think I should’ve worn something better.

“Ah, um, I-I know it’s not a suit or anything, but I don’t really feel comfortable wearing anything like that-“

“Ryker wearing something other than a hoodie? Nathan, he has it bad for you.” Dylan whispered that last sentence to me, my brain nearly frying. Wh-wha? Why did I think it was such a big deal that he was wearing a sweater instead of a hoodie? It didn’t mean anything. Why was everyone shocked as soon as he stepped into the living room? Why was my face turning into a very noticeable red? Oh wait I should probably hide that-

Ryker was blushing nearly as much as I was.

“So where are you two going?” Jasmine laughed as Ryker somehow managed to calm himself down before walking closer to me.

“Somewhere. We’ll be back before midnight.” He answered as I quickly climbed onto his hand, trying to hide my blush from his eyes, though I’m sure he’s already seen it. This is so embarrassing…

Ryker closed the door behind us, taking moment to look down at me. I’m guessing he just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I couldn’t thank him enough for that. I’m pretty sure if Dylan had said one more thing I would have passed out. But here I was, completely conscious and about to hopefully have the best night of my life.

“S-sorry. Dylan can be a bit much,” He chuckled, taking a good look at me before smiling, “You look good.”

I couldn’t get my voice to work for me, but I eventually forced it to.

“You too.”

Was this what it felt like to be on a date? I had no idea. All I know is that I had butterflies in my stomach and I was absolutely not feeling good. Was that because I was nervous? Yup. Probably.

“You ready to go?” He had asked softly as I nodded my head in response. No, no I wasn’t. It felt like everything that I had eaten today was about to come right back up. Not really, but that’s what it felt like. Hopefully I can get through this.

—————-

The place Ryker was taking me was some sort of small little restaurant where only a few people were. Of course some of the people we passed by were staring, but I couldn’t tell if it was because we were both wearing some kind of jacket, or it was because we were here. Together. On a date. Should I be worried about those people?

The waiter had taken us to our seats, gave Ryker a menu and told us that he would be back in just a few minutes. The place was quiet except for the music playing in the background. I looked around the place, seeing that almost everyone here was either on a date or just hanging out with friends. There was a human side to the place, but there were only four people there. Otherwise I was the only human on this side as far as I knew. It just made me a little bit more nervous. A lot, actually.

Ryker was also looking around, almost immediately looking back when a group of people had looked at him, snickering. What was that all about? I couldn’t really hear, but I could take a really good guess. It was because of me. Like I had said before, after school, not many humans and giants stay friends. Another reason why I was so worried about Ryker leaving me before. They only stay friends throughout school just to have some sort of superiority over others. Now, no one really cares about that.

There were of course human-sized tables which I had sat down on, but I wasn’t exactly given a menu. I wasn’t really all that hungry either. At least I think.

“I’ll order for you if you want. I know you don’t feel comfortable talking with new people.” Ryker had smiled despite the whispered behind him. The group looked like they were all at least in their late twenties or early thirties. On a double date maybe? Again, I had no idea what I was even doing.

“Oh! Thank you.” I mumbled, grateful that he had offered before I could have a panic attack in front of the waiter. I was so used to just hanging out at the cafe Ryker works at. Sometimes I’d make the long walk just to come visit him or just to hang out with some of his co workers. Like Nylah. It’s usually quiet there, and even when it’s not it’s because the workers were all busy talking with the regulars that go there. At the moment it seemed like it was crowded even though there wasn’t that many people. Maybe that was just my self-conscious speaking.

“Water is fine.” I mumbled again, keeping my voice down in case somehow the table near us could hear me. Yup. It was my self-conscious. I couldn’t help but notice the way Ryker hand twitched slightly. Just like at the cafe after graduation. I took a few deep breaths before the waiter came back with notepad in hand.

“What can I get you two to drink for today?” He smiled, more directed towards me, which made me feel just the slightest bit better. Maybe it was just the people that came to eat here that made this place feel uncomfortable.

“Two waters please.” Ryker answered for the both of us. The waiter walked off, then came back a few minutes later with someone in his hand and the other with a glass of water. A woman came and gave me my glass, giggling and whispering something to the other waiter. I was so confused by this place, but I guess that didn’t matter. Ryker wouldn’t take me to a place unless he thought it was good. Everything else he picks out is good too. The only places I know are in the human part of the city and I doubt he could go there.

I sighed, taking a sip of the cold water. Soon enough, the group sitting behind us sat up and leave. Words could not describe how grateful I was. They seemed rude and I haven’t even met them yet. Not that I wanted to, but still.

“You want something to eat? It’s okay if you’re not hungry.” Ryker’s voice had a slight sad tone to it. Almost like he thought I wasn’t enjoying this. That was dumb. Of course I’m loving this. I just didn’t exactly know how to express that to him. I don’t know how dates are supposed to go, I don’t know what to do while on one, heck, I didn’t even know if I was doing this entire thing right!

“Um, maybe something light? Like a salad? I-I don’t know.” I stuttered, nervously laughing a bit. Ryker placed down the menu for a second and laid his head on his arms, his eyes worriedly looking over me. The butterflies in my stomach only grew worse. Was I doing something wrong?

“You didn’t have to say yes if you didn’t want to come y’know. I would’ve understood.” Ryker explained, his voice soft as usual. Oh. He thought I didn’t want to be here in general.

“What? I did want to come. I just don’t really know how this whole… D-date thing works,” I tried explaining, “I love being with you. How could I say no? I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say.” I fidgeted with my hands, hoping that he would get it.

“So you’ve never been on a date before?” Ryker slightly picked his head up. I shook my head as a reply. I have no idea how this was news to him, but it just was.

“Well, I’m glad that I could be your first then.” Ryker laughed. The blush that I had worked so hard to make disappear came back. I was kind of happy that he was my first date too if I’m being honest. I don’t even think I would have been here if I hadn’t met him.

The waiter came back to take our orders, he came back with two salads and told us to call him if we needed anything. I couldn’t help but see the little giggly smirk on his face. I didn’t exactly care though. Nothing could go wrong at this point.

——————

Ryker and I had talked for a while. Mostly joking around with each other and talking about this new show that we had started together about this family who was rich but had all of their money taken away by their accountant or something like that. We both like it though.

A song came on from the little jukebox in the corner of the room, but there was no one in here but us and one other person. Weird. We didn’t really pay attention all that much. We both had finished eating but neither of us wanted to go just yet.

“I’m still surprised you wore a sweater.” I laughed, knowing that he doesn’t really wear anything other than hoodies and the occasional zip-up.

“Ah well, I know you like them.” His face flushed a light shade of pink. I found it nice to know that he notices these things. I think it’s kind of sweet if I were being honest.

It was quiet for a while, only the soft, deep voice of the music playing in the background was sitting between us. The anxiety rising up in my chest didn’t help at all whatsoever. What do we do now? Were we ready to go? It was only just about to turn nine. Maybe we should actually start heading back. If Ryker stays up any later I would feel bad. He’s already exhausted enough.

As if on cue, he had yawned, covering up his mouth with on of his hands, blinking a couple times before drowsily groaning. I worriedly stood up, walking a bit closer, “We-we can go home if you’re tired. I don’t mind.” I smiled, earning one back.

“If you’re ready sure.”

I felt sorry. I wish I could be the one taking him back home. Not the other way around. That’s how it should be really. There has to be someway I could help.

——————

We were home in about thirty minutes or so. You could faintly hear the sound of Dylan’s tv through the wall to the living room, Jasmine was passed out on the couch, and I’m guessing she put Isabelle and Angela to sleep. Ryker yawned, placing a blanket over Jasmine before sliding me off in front of the human-sized rooms.

“I’ll be back in about five minutes. Just going to change.” He pointed a finger to the restroom down the hall. I nodded, guessing that he wanted me to change into something more comfortable too. Gladly. I quickly changed to a loose t-shirt and some sweatpants and waited outside for Ryker, who eventually did come out wearing almost the exact same thing as I was.

His room was as cold as always, the lamp on that dimly lit up the place. His desk was an unusual mess of papers spewed all across the surface. Probably for college. He laid down on his bed, Pulling the sheets over him and almost immediately his eyes were already closing. I chuckled, walking closer to him from where he had left me.

“Tired?”

“Mhm,” He wore a sad expression, “Sorry tonight wasn’t what you expected.”

“No it was great! I loved it!” I quietly cheered. Ryker smiled, “That’s good.”

The silence stretched out between us again. Then I did something stupid. Again. Like I always did. I walked a closer to his face, and kissed him. Yup. I’m the one who went first this time. What’s more surprising was the fact that his face turned red when I had quickly stepped back. I had thought I stepped over a line, or maybe he wouldn’t have even felt it, but no. He did. And I couldn’t help but laugh at how red his face was.

He was frozen in shock for a while before fixing his position and hugging me against his cheek. Now we were both laughing quietly together.

“Love you.” He whispered, letting me back down. My heart started beating faster. I wasn’t expecting that- It would only be right to say it back.

“Love you too.”

I could at least do this for him.

——————

Ahhh I love when the first date is awkward at first. Cringe isn’t real it cant hurt me hehehe-

I’ll definitely be making more little one shots like this with these two later on. I do want to continue the story until I do officially end it, but otherwise, this will be how it is for now. Thank you guys again!

Taglist: @da3dm

(if you don’t want to be tagged on these please let me know TwT)

#G/t #g/t writing #g/t fluff #giant/tiny #Sfw g/t #Oc: Ryker #Oc: Nathan #awww i loved writing this #just Nathan comforting Ryker #My own heart is throbbing and I’m the one who wrote it-#But thank you for getting me to 50 followers!#I love each and every one of you!#Yall are amazing #But thank you either way!#love you guys ❤️

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mars-ipan · 3 months ago

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looks at you . realllyyyyy hard.............. hey................ can u tell me more about sinner hajime bearding w. chiaki and his shame over it im thinking about it and how it affects him real bad.. r they dating married.. r they just a random fling i need to know the deets i need the DEETS!!!!!!!!! sits down

OK SO. i have NOT spent a lot of time on this so bear with me bc i’m mostly figuring this part out as i go. it’s going under a cut tho bc i know myself

ok. to start with. chiaki is one of the first people hajime meets when he moves in— they’re neighbors and in true midwestern fashion she brings him a casserole as a welcome gift. from there they become fast friends! i think, like most people in town, chiaki goes to church on sundays, but she isn’t there often outside of that. she’ll show up to events and volunteer from time to time, though! maybe she occasionally helps at sunday school. maybe it’s her that gets hajime thinking about trying to confess in the first place! she’d never pressure him into going or imply that he had any particular sins to confess, but i think hearing someone he trusts speak highly of the priest there would get him thinking.

anywho. chiaki ends up introducing hajime to a few of her friends, though he doesn’t really connect with them too deeply. they all get along nicely though, and while hajime does have his Guilt following him at all times he feels a bit better after he hangs out with her and her friends— takes his mind off of things for a bit. she has a rabbit named usami, too! she reminds hajime of some of the animals he helped raise on the farm back home. but hajime and chiaki end up basically being besties not long after hajime’s moved in. chiaki eventually develops feelings for hajime, and since she trusts him to be kind regardless of whether he reciprocates, she tells him almost right away. hajime is ecstatic— this is an opportunity! a girl, a nice girl who likes him. if there was any girl that hajime could fall in love with, it’d be her. and if he loves her, then he won’t have any of these other thoughts! he won’t be wondering what his priest looks like under the robes if he has a girlfriend— it’s perfect! so he says yes, and they begin to date.

hajime tells Father Komaeda basically immediately— he’s excited! look, Father, your teachings are working! i’m in a heterosexual relationship, this is what God wants! except…. komaeda isn’t as enthusiastic as hajime expects. supportive, absolutely, his smile as bright as ever, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. he doesn’t celebrate. he tells hajime he’s happy for him— chiaki’s a lovely girl, after all— but reminds him that resisting temptation is not a one and done battle. going out with chiaki is a step in the right direction, absolutely. however, he warns, hajime shouldn’t be too surprised if he finds himself struggling to shake away his impure thoughts. these things don’t disappear overnight. in fact, they should continue their lessons to help make sure that hajime can stay on this path to the light. hajime agrees immediately, thanking komaeda for his wisdom. still, though, he feels positive about this! having someone else to focus on will make leaving behind these unwanted lusts much easier.

except… hajime can’t make himself want her, not in that way. he tries. god, he tries. he loves chiaki, truly he does, but he doesn’t feel as fuzzy as he thinks he should when he holds her hand. kissing her feels like kissing a wall. he freezes up uncomfortably every time she tries to initiate anything further, and, saint that she is, she backs off every time without any hard feelings. he enjoys spending time with her, and holding her, but he’s not… he can’t get himself to desire her. not to mention, the impure desires haven’t gone away, not at all. they’re just as bad as they were before— in fact, they seem to slowly be getting worse. he doesn’t know what to do. hajime cares about chiaki, so much, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. she’s his best friend, and the last thing he wants to do is break her heart. plus, if he breaks up with her, then isn’t that like admitting defeat to his sins? like saying he can’t overcome them? and if he breaks up with her, what does he even say? that he can’t bring himself to be attracted to her? that he’s never been able to think of her in that way, only with… no. there’s no way he can tell her that, she’ll be disgusted. but he hates the idea of lying to her and stringing her along. his only option is to keep trying. he’ll be a better boyfriend, he’ll fall in love, he has to. she deserves someone who loves her, and maybe he can be that someone, if he just keeps trying.

hajime confesses all of this to Father Komaeda, of course, who hears all of it and simply nods. while he agrees that hajime should keep the true nature of his thoughts from her, he also subtly suggests that hajime break off the relationship if he’s not in love with her— lying is a sin, too, and true, holy love cannot be forced into being. perhaps they’re simply better off as friends?

hajime thinks about that advice, but he can’t bring himself to do it. he doesn’t want to hurt her, and he especially doesn’t want to lose her.

here’s the thing. chiaki is observant. she’s just that kind of person, she’s a good judge of emotion. she can tell that hajime seems uncomfortable showing affection to her, even if he’s trying. at first, she chalks it up to nerves, but when it doesn’t go away and almost seems to get worse, she starts to wonder what’s wrong, why he doesn’t seem to be that into her. so she looks a little closer. she notices that hajime prays a lot more often now than when he first moved in. she hears him mumble to himself when he thinks she isn’t listening, things about being wrong and having to try harder, having to be better. she knew from the start that hajime has some deep insecurities— he’s not very good at hiding it— but it’s worse than she thought. hajime’s been going to church near-daily now, and when she goes with him to mass on sundays she sees the way he watches the sermon, almost enraptured. she knows he gets along well with Father Komaeda— in fact, she’d consider them close friends. eventually, she notices things— hajime blushes with his whole face… when Father Komaeda is close to him. he sings the Father’s praises regularly, often thanking chiaki for telling him about the church so he could find his faith again. in moments of vulnerability, hajime has told her that he confesses somewhat frequently— what about, he never told her, but he assured her that he hadn’t hurt anybody so she never pressed him about it. the pieces click into place, and oh… oh, hajime.

unlike hajime, chiaki has nothing against homosexuality. she believes that god’s love comes in many forms, and so long as the people in a relationship truly love each other, then it doesn’t really matter what gender they are, does it? at first, she’s a bit hurt that hajime didn’t tell her, but she quickly reminds herself that hajime seems to deeply resent this part of himself— chances are, he’s yet to even accept it. she hurts for him, i think. she doesn’t like seeing her best friend be so cruel to himself over how he loves. she keeps up the relationship for a couple weeks, to give him the chance to tell her. when it’s clear that he doesn’t plan on telling anyone anytime soon, she decides to take matters into her own hands.

when chiaki approaches hajime and tells him she thinks they’d be better off as friends, he panics. he practically begs her to stay together, asks what he did wrong, promises he’ll do whatever it takes to keep this relationship alive, anything. chiaki looks at him softly, takes his hands in hers, and tells him that it’s okay, he hasn’t done anything wrong. she knows how much he cares about her, but there’s nothing either of them can do if they simply aren’t romantically compatible. “you can’t help who you love,” she tells him. hajime’s breath seems to stutter at that, and he pulls her into a tight hug, apologizing and sobbing gently into her shoulder. it’s a bit awkward physically, since chiaki’s pretty short in comparison to hajime, but she holds him as best she can. when he eventually pulls back, she tells him that they’ll always be best friends, okay? hajime sniffles, smiles, apologizes for breaking down like that, and agrees. best friends. he still doesn’t tell her. she doesn’t ask him to. he’ll tell her when he’s ready.

hajime tells komaeda about the breakup less than 24 hours after it happens. komaeda offers him a kind, gentle smile, clearly meant to reassure him. it reaches his eyes. “i’m sorry things didn’t work out, but i’m grateful you were able to maintain your friendship,” he says. he promises hajime that being single won’t doom him, and that he can still be freed of his sin even if he doesn’t have a nice girl to settle down with at the moment. they will continue their guidance, and one day hajime will be purified. hajime thanks his priest for all he’s done for him. Father Komaeda says he’d do anything to help someone dear see the glory of God.

#ask #mice #priest au #WEEEEEE that’s a lot. subject to be edited at any time but i think those are the major story beats of the beard arc #i do think that eventually komaeda will have to start isolating hajime from chiaki if he wants to keep manipulating him #(just like any cult or abuser would)#bc chiaki is observant and genuinely has hajime’s best interests at heart #and i think she could eventually connect hajime’s spike in piousness to how much time he spends around komaeda #and either think ‘hm my friend is in love with our priest and it’s fucking with his head. he needs to give himself space for his own safety #OR ‘oh shit Father Komaeda is not as wonderful as our whole town thought he was huh…. uh oh’#and she would likely encourage hajime to put a little bit more distance between himself and the church. set some healthy boundaries yanno #and komaeda can’t have that happening. so perhaps he’d find some way to distance hajime from chiaki #usually the way religious folks do that is by claiming either demonic influence or a lack of godliness #maybe he’d use her acceptance against her. i dunno !!#still working that part out in my head. weeeeee

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