#they only call me with problems which yeah they can but
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You can write one about Pau Cubarsi where he teaches her how to play soccer, a really cute moment pleasee
Only friend — Pau Cubarsí.
Pairing: Pau Cubarsí x Fem!Reader
Summary: Pau knew you hadn’t been doing good, so he came over to get you out of your room by forcing you to play footy!
Word count: 920+
Disclaimer/s: mostly fluff + me projecting gulps so lighttt angst
A/N: hi guys yes this is me projecting my problems into writing thats my bad honestly I HATE WINTER!!
“Get out of bed.” Pau insisted, standing in your doorway with pursed lips. The second you heard the door open, you’d already known it was him since your parents knew better than to open it without knocking.
Shaking your head, you pull the blanket over your head. “Pau, go away. I’m tired.”
“Tired?” Pau sighs, slipping off his shoes and entering your room. “It’s two in the afternoon. It’s time to get up. I have plans for us.”
The bed dips under his weight and you finally turn around to face him. Dark circles ring around your eyes as you look up at him. “I went to bed at five.”
“In the morning?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t care.”
“Wha—“ You don’t get to finish your sentence because Pau had looped his arms under you and pulled you out of bed. “Pau!”
“Get dressed. We’re going to the park.” He says sternly, setting you down and offering a small smile. “Quit pouting.” He chuckles, placing a small kiss on your lips.
Trudging towards your closet, you change into ‘park safe clothes’ while Pau waited downstairs with your parents. Once you slipped on shoes and did your hair, you stomped down the steps.
Pau sat up on the couch, watching as you rounded the corner with a grumpy expression. He grinning, standing and saying his goodbye’s to your parents.
Your parents adored Pau. Like.. adored, adored. So did you, of course, but to them Pau could never do any wrong. To you, he could. Making you get out of bed to do God knows what, was wrong.
“What are we even doing today?” You quirk an eyebrow, climbing into the passenger seat.
Pau’s mouth forms a devious, shit-eating grin. “I’m teaching you how to play football.”
Instantly you reached for the door handle. Pau, having much faster reflexes, locks the car doors. “Nuh-uh!” He laughs, “you can have aux, just come with me, okay?”
Chewing on your cheek, you let out a huff. “Fine. Only because I hate your music.” He nearly tried to defend himself, but stopped when he saw the look you were giving him.
The park was quiet today, which was lucky for you. Only a few families milled about and they were at the play sets. Pau reached for his ball in the back seat before getting out. When you begrudgingly got out, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.
“This will be fun!” He insists, planting a kiss to your forehead. No matter how annoyed you may be, it was so hard to stay in that state when your boyfriend was just so.. perfect.
“Fun is going to the mall. Fun is not spraining your ankle because your boyfriend forgets he’s playing with his girlfriend and not his teammate.” You point at him accusatorially, which sends waves of guilt through him.
“I apologized for that a million times!” He groans, letting his hand drop to your hip. “I won’t do that again. Promise.”
Rolling your eyes with a small smirk, you chuckle. “Sure. Okay, put the damn ball down.”
Pau grins, setting the ball on the fresh grass. “What should we start with today?” He thinks out loud to himself, which you watch with your hands on your hips.
“Well shit, I don’t know.” You mumble, “oh! Oh! Remember last time when I did that one thing?”
The teens eyebrows pull together before it dawns on him. He nudges the ball, playing with it as he thinks. “Okay, yeah. You’re talking about when you kicked it behind you?”
Shaking your head vigorously, you use your hands while you explain, “nooo. Dribbling! I think thats what it’s called?”
Pau looks up from the ball to you, “yeah, that’s what it’s called. Okay, jog beside me and watch the ball, i’ll explain as I do it.”
Nodding, you and Pau set off in a slow jog, as you do so, he explains his tactics and you watch him move. “It’s easier to do when you’re in a full on run, but you should start off jogging, it’ll make it easier to learn.” He stops the ball, kicking it up into his hands before he sets it in yours. “You got this.”
Swirling the ball in your hands, you chew on your bottom lip. “Right. Super simple.” You mumble, psyching yourself up. “Alright, let’s go.”
Letting the ball drop to the grass, you do just as Pau described. You nearly stumble, but catch yourself and continue. Every so often, Pau gives you a new pointer, and you adjust to it.
Throughout your time learning how to play, Pau gives you compliments and praises;
“Yes! Yes just like that, you’re a natural!”
“See, you know what you’re doing!”
“Might as well start calling you Messi.” — That was teasing, which you’d flicked him for, eliciting a loud giggle from the boy.
After nearly an hour of non-stop playing, you slump onto the bar of the net, catching your breath. “How do you do this nearly every fucking day?” You gasp out, taking a large gulp of water to alleviate the pain.
Pau sits across from you, leaning back on his palms. “Nena [baby], i’ve been doing this since i could walk.” He says with an amused expression.
Your eyes roll, “true.” Taking another large gulp and jump to your feet. “Let’s go again!”
Pau looks up at you incredulously. “Again? Not even an hour ago you were complaining about me even bringing you here.”
“Yeah, well. Times change.” You grin, reaching for the ball.
likes , comments , and reblog’s are appreciated. lmk if you’d like to be tagged in future pau posts.
ᝰ.ᐟ tags @halfwayhearted @ar4ujos @sakashq @joaoflms @hrts4havertz @spidybaby @unx100to @n0vazsq
#pau cubarsi#pau cubarsi x you#pau cubarsi fluff#pau cubarsi one shot#pau cubarsi fanfic#pau fluff#pau cubarsi imagine#pau cubarsi x reader#pau cubarsí#blurb#football#fluff#fanfic#fc barcelona#light angst#fc barcelona fic
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Short Circuit
pairing: connor (rk800) x reader words: 1k summary: reader sees Connor outside of work for the first time in normal human clothes and dies a little bit (comedy, fluff) warnings: language, lack of proofreading, fic from reader's pov a/n: let's pretend this is after the good ending and androids can own property now cause we're going to Connor's place etc
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Words cannot describe the amount of hate I have for Fowler. On my day off he asks me to take some evidence over to Connor for a 'quick analysis', like, Jesus Christ dude wait for the labwork like the rest of us. The nerve of this guy, honestly. Anyway, if you were wondering why I was driving to Connor's place first thing on a Sunday, that was it.
Yes, I hate my boss, how original, but I would never pass up an opportunity to see Connor. Sure, he's my colleague, but he's also my friend. And also I may be in love with him have a normal, tiny, minuscule crush on him. I don't know how it happened, I didn't even realize it, but yes, I do, in fact, have feelings for Connor. "Oh but he's an andro-" Go fuck yourself, he's more human than most people these days.
Before I realized it, I was at his place and almost knocked on his door. Almost being the keyword here, because I heard a voice from the inside.
"Detective! Just a minute. I will be right there."
"Holy shit, how did you know? Let me guess, X-ray vision?" It's always something with him. Of course, Cyberlife's most intelligent android comes with X-ray vision. I feel stupid for not guessing right away. Wait, does this mean he had X-ray vision all this time? That feels like an ethical grey area. Is that allowed? My rapid descent down that rabbit hole was interrupted by the sound of the door being unlocked.
"Ring Camera. Come on in!" He led me inside and I absent-mindedly followed him before I noticed it. He was wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Connor Anderson (legal name, yes), android detective by day, who famously only wore suits, was standing in front of me, in goddamn sweats. And he looked like he stepped right out of my dreams.
I did not know it was possible to be any level of attractive in fucking pajamas, but oh my god, it absolutely was. He looked hot as hell. I don't know if it was from having only seen him in formals, or the fact that Kamski knowingly made a hottie, but I was reveling in this sight.
His T-shirt fit him exactly as it should have, and his sleeves stopped halfway through the biceps I didn't even know he had. His hair looked unkempt and tousled, which was questionable because there's no way he slept, right? I was very sure he could hear my heartbeat because that sucker was betraying me and beating way too fast.
I could not form coherent thoughts for another full minute or so. I am not even holding back, he genuinely looked so attractive he quite literally stole my breath away. All I could do was mumble nonsense while staring at him like I misplaced my glasses.
"Detective, are you alright?"
"What? Me? Yeah, no problem, bud." Bud???? I'd have slapped myself if I could.
"Your body temperature is rapidly rising and your heart is displaying signs of arrhythmia. I suggest we-"
"I suggest we nothing, Connor. I promise I'm fine." See that kids, right there, is what we call a bald-faced lie.
"If you say so. What brings you here, detective?"
"Detective? Come on, we're not at work, man. Chill."
"Alright then, (Y/n), what brings you here?" (Y/n). The way he said my name made me want to explode. Sure, everyone says my name, its my name but oh my god, when he says it, he makes me want to change my last name to his. Which would be Hank's. Huh. That's weird.
"Right, yeah, work stuff. Fowler sent me with evidence for you to analyze. Apparently, they can't wait for the lab like the rest of us mortals." I shoved the file into his hands a little too quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice how my hands were shaking. He noticed.
"Your hands are trembling." Of course he noticed. Connor notices everything.
"I'm just… cold," I lied, despite standing in his very well-heated apartment.
Connor tilted his head slightly, that signature analytical look of his making me want to crawl under a rock. "You appear to be experiencing stress. Should I—"
"Connor, no. I don't need an analysis, I need to… sit down." That was the best I could come up with. Great. Very smooth.
"Please, make yourself comfortable," he said, gesturing toward his couch. I moved to sit down, hoping a change of scenery would calm my nerves. It didn’t.
Connor sat across from me, still in those damn sweatpants, his expression unreadable as he opened the file and started flipping through its contents. His focus should’ve made me feel at ease- it was just Connor being Connor- but instead, I found myself staring at his hands. They were annoyingly perfect, like the rest of him, and I couldn’t stop imagining what it would feel like if he- nope. No. Abort mission.
"Is something wrong with the file?" he asked suddenly, looking up.
"What? No! The file's fine. Great file. Top-tier evidence. You're gonna love it." Jesus Christ, someone take my mouth away.
Connor raised an eyebrow. "You’re behaving… unusually."
"I’m behaving perfectly normal," I said, crossing my arms in what I hoped was a casual way but probably looked defensive. "Maybe you're the one behaving unusually. I mean, sweatpants? Who are you and what have you done with Connor?"
He blinked, then looked down at himself as if realizing for the first time what he was wearing. "Hank suggested I try some human rituals like pajamas and sleep to better accommodate my deviancy. He claims it’s a key aspect of ‘human relaxation.’ Was this choice inappropriate?"
"No!" I said, a little too quickly. "No, you look—" amazing, perfect, hotter than anyone has a right to look "—fine. You look fine."
Connor studied me for a moment, and I swear I saw the faintest flicker of amusement cross his face. Was he… smirking? Oh no. Oh no, he knew.
"You should consider it," he said, casually returning to the file.
"Consider what?"
"Relaxing. You seem… tense."
And just like that, the ball was back in his court. I was flustered, he was composed, and I was left wondering how I was supposed to get through the rest of this visit without making a complete fool of myself.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t.
a/n: y'all, this is my first time writing dbh, sorry if it sucks T_T
#detroit become human#connor x reader#dbh connor x reader#rk800 x reader#dbh connor#connor rk800#connor rk800 x reader#rk800 connor x reader#maya writes#dbh#dbh x reader#connor x reader fluff#dbh rk800#dbh fluff
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i dont like being an older sister actually.
#i’ve always been the boring responsibility grandma one#they think i’m weird and lame or whatever#but now they’re both apparently so close and they don’t. ever want to talk to me really lol#which is isolating enough compared to my sisters#they only call me with problems which yeah they can but#that’s all i’m good for ig#i get to clean up their messes (emotionally and literally) and scream and cry and beg for them to get it together#which they won’t#and then i’m the annoying boring sister they don’t care to be around#i hate saying this but i really do so much for my family or at least i try to#but i feel so isolated and alone and unappreciated by half of them#so glad that they definitely talk shit me while i’m gone#now that i’m moving out i’m SURE that won’t get worse 👍🏻
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I hate those posts like "this is about aromanticism, don't tag as ace or aroace!" as if aroaces aren't aro enough because of our asexuality, and non-SAM aces relating to aros is somehow a bad thing. Also some of the aroallo accounts are so quick to regurgitate ace discourse talking points because they think aces are erasing and oppressing aros, I hate that so much
Yeah, to an extent I can completely understand where people are coming from when asking this. I have similar issues with people tagging autism posts as ADHD because they show up in my feed because of the ADHD tag even though the post only mentions Autism. It can be frustrating to be looking for posts and get something completely different. But on the other hand...it feels like some people are taking the idea of these tags way too seriously. Tagging is a minimal issue in the grand scheme of things. Tagging does not actually derail a post as much as people act like it does. Tagging a post you reblogged does not make that post show up in the main tags. I understand that AroAllos do not want to have their personal experiences conflated as Asexuality because it can feel like erasure when you write a personal experience about you identity only to have it tagged as something that is not you identity. But also I don't think people realize how much overlap a lot of aromantic and asexual experiences have. Acting like they are so incredibly different and can't have any overlap is willful ignorance at best and malicious separatism at worse. And it's incredibly disheartening as an AroAce to see how many Aro people seem to have gotten comfortable and even feel justified in the low-key bigoted things they've said against aces and aroaces.
Some of the absolutely wild takes I've seen can range from "AroAces shouldn't post in the aromantic tag" to "Don't tag your post as aromantic if it doesn't mention aromanticism [aka doesn't mention an experience in which the viewer deems as an aromantic experience]" to literal straight up acephobia or aroacephobia and it's absolutely wild because as someone who exists in both tags I've seen this happening basically solely in aromantic tags.
It's genuinely wild to me how we even got to this point in the aspec community where people are arguing over tagging to the point of trying to exclude certain aros from the aro tag completely because they feel less seen as compared to others and act like it's the fault of those other aspecs that they are being oppressed.
I was someone who was around when the Aro and Ace communities were mostly a united force. Because when the entire world was against us we at least had each others back. half the problems people mentioned when it came to the reason to split the community so drastically were not problems I ever actually saw. Hell they still aren't problems I see. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen but I personally have not seen anyone assuming or saying that if you're aro you must also be ace, which makes me thing it's not actually as big of an issue as people seem to think it is. the aro and ace communities being united didn't mean that aromantic was a subsection of asexual, though I believe it'd be lying to ignore the split attractions model in the creation of the aromantic identity and how both the Aro and Ace identities as we know them today kind of emerged from that model.
As I said not too long ago: the separation of the aro and ace communities has done more harm than it's done help. We are making it easier for people to target us by splitting up the way we have. By making enemies out of fellow aspec people you give aphobes the space and comfort they need to start pushing us out again.
We are literally in the same boat. if that makes you upset then you can get on your own raft but you can't then demand everyone else get on their own rafts too or try to sink the ship that everyone else is on.
the tag discourse is stupid. there are more pressing issues to be upset about rather than tumblrs shit tagging system. This helps no one. If aroaces posting in the GENERAL AROMANTIC TAG upsets you THAT MUCH then you can literally go into the aroallo tag to find the content you want to see or better yet MAKE THE CONTENT YOU WANT TO SEE. If an asexual tagging a post they relate too with ace bugs you that much then fucking block them. it's not erasure when someone of a different sexuality feels represented by your post. If an aroace tagging a post as aromantic when you feel it is only about asexuality makes you that mad then you can literally block them. You cannot decide how someone should tag their posts because you personally do not know their experience. Grow the fuck up.
I'm rose repulsed. there are barely any spaces and posts about rose repulsed people in the main aspec tags. You want to know what I did? I made my own fucking space. i went to the romance and sex repulsed tags and posted there. I made posts about being repulsed. I have a fucking blog and a discord server centered around repulsed people. Yes it sucks when other people don't make content you like but that's when you have to accept you need to make it your damn self and not throw a fit over tags on tumblr dot com.
apologies for a long rant, If this ask was bait then congrats you got a rant out of me but also I think if people really want to block me over this instead of having a conversation like adults then so be it. Those who think this sort of exclusion is justified and correct are not people i want to be interacting with in the community. they are not people I want following me. I support AroAllos. I support all aromantic people. I understand where they are coming from in their pain. I do agree that they deserve more recognition because they often moralized to be morally bad for their existence and as a repulsed person NO IDENTITY should be viewed as inherently bad. I have no ill will towards AroAllos making posts about ther experience, they deserve to have their experience shared. But the way some people have been acting in the aromantic community is not acceptable and should be called out because at this rate some people are really toeing the line of the ace discourse that happened in like 2016 and as someone who went through that I REALLY don't want to see it repeat itself.
#asks#red rants#no main tags because discourse is annoying but yeah. this is my statement on this whole thing#if you dont like it then you can block me or whatever#if this ask was bait then I fell for it but genuinely feel like this is a conversation worth having#because im so sick and tired of aroaces being thrown under the bus and used as a scapegoat for problems they are not the cause of#I'm tired. I don't understand how we got to this point#and this isn't to say all the complaints are stupid some are genuinely reasonable#like when people were calling aromantic awareness week as ace awareness week.#that is just factually wrong and needed to be corrected!!!#but then i see people complain about how aro ace and aroace were all trending during valentines day#because “aroace and ace dont have anything to do with valentines day” and “this is only an aro probelm”#which just ignored the complexities of relationships and aspec identities it's legit stupid af#anyways I'll stop now. I'll leave reblogs on. be respectful to each other.#hate will be blocked. I want civil discussions. bye
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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i lowkey hate the schizophrenia subreddit
#the adas speak#it's just 'call the police on this unwell person!' and 'you need to go to a doctor and get medicated!'#which. yeah schizophrenia is very serious right. i know i have a mild case or i just don't know how bad i have it#but. it sucks to see mentally ill people vouching for what is likely to lead to the harm of others like them#even when a person is actually dangerous i still don't think my first thing would be the cops. when you know they're schizophrenic#you can do emergency plans. for if/when things get really bad#like. my therapist is probably about to try to force me to get medicated. same therapist that hasn't noticed i was schizophrenic#same therapist that knows how my parents treat me and my disabilities#it's just. there's such a strong stigma and fear of schizophrenia when it's just. a thing?#and we really need to be teaching people how to handle us. like systemically and also as individuals when we can#instead of advocating for medication and cops as the only solutions. those can very well cause more problems than they solve#like. sending the cops after a paranoid person is just logically kinda dumb. sending a paranoid person to the psych ward#where they'll be forced to take medication or stay in solitary confinement is just. it's fucked up. and it probably makes it worse#like the schizophrenia itself probably gets worse if every time you experience psychosis you get treated like shit by the worst people ever#there is proof that if people are less negative/more positive about it the symptoms are less negative#so it's just wild that instead of looking at what those cultures where schizophrenia isn't this awful thing for the people who have it#we continue to talk like our society is the only option.#ig with the schizophrenic symptoms it's hard to really enact change or find the motivation for it. but idk
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo
#speculation nation#chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance#and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke#lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back#even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE#yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj#my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer#the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet#WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo#at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy#IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me#i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months#the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️
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Yeah I'll try not to post much here (ADHD memory I'll try my best) for the strike as it's all I can do, maybe some Palestine posting for it too, so I'll save ask answers and fnaf posting for afterwards. There's currently a big ol' storm here at the moment making the internet a bit spotty so it's not like it's easy to post right now anyway so you're not really gonna be missing much
And to the anon in my inbox, hi I see you. You're not annoying or anything with your asks I'm just slow and now participating in the strike so I'm sorry but you'll probably be waiting a spell for those answers. Doing what I can, even if it's tiny, is more important right now I feel
#it's not like I've been posting anything interesting lately anyway outside those asks and stuff#most of my posts are just 'hey I drew a thing but I won't show you it yet' at the moment#people aren't exactly missing anything of value lmao#but yeah I can't do anything else#I have no money and I don't leave the house ever most of the things called for aren't applicable to me#cause I already don't do anything like that#I sign online petitions and send emails when I can if I'm being asked to dip from social media for a week and boost palestinian voices-#when I'm here? yeah that's not a lot to ask of me#I've dipped from social media like this before for my health it's real good for me#it's all I can do AND it's benefitting me anyway to keep my stuff offline for a bit#only change is coming back to reblog the latest palestine stuff which I plan to do on my main#sometimes you just have to put the socials down I can do that it's no big ask of me it's merely a habit#that my ADHD struggles to stick to if I just move a bunch of shortcuts around lmao easy consider it done#my only problem is being mentally unprepared because my tism likes to know in advance but I'll live so...#c'yas later!!!#(I'll still be on Discord though if anyone that has it wants a chit chat)
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i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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love being at the climbing gym like yeah im not that flexible and then constantly doing moves matching my hands n feet on the same holds even when completely unnecessary
#half the pictures ppl take of me i have one leg straight and the other at my shoulder height. okay yeah#just looking thru ones ppl have taken recently of me again.. we love being vain n self obsessed#cant wait to get back there on monday i have so many projects rotating in my mind. im always thinking abt them while im at work#.diaries#i flashed a v4 yesterday that was a kind of manoeuvring all your hands and feet onto the same hold and standing type deal#and it felt rly natural to me n then no one else could do it n i felt bad for calling it easy for a v4 i just forgot i can Bend 💀#its mainly only bc im a little younger than some other ppl. and a bit lighter too... and doing years of resistance training has given me#more range of motion than ppl who have histories of different exercise styles/sports#there are ppl who are way more flexible than me ofc but some of them in the group dont have as much core or power.. different stats innit#i figured out a start to another v4 that i was rly proud of too.. just need to get the rest of it next week#but again no one else could even start it my way which was frustrating bc my fave thing is getting to share smth i figured out w someone#so we can joint problem solve the whole thing n both send it... anyway i think its still useful but theyd have to start on the other side#and go up a little in order to come down into the position i had. since its a weird one to get into from the ground bc ur legs are folded#mmmmm....#im so tired i meant to do so much when i got home from work but zzzzzzz#oh welllllll.. itll be a fun weekend hehe going to visit a friend for a few days <3
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Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.
#the number of times i have faked a call yo leave early. the number of times ive played solitaire on my phone. i got to the potty to kill tim#like! just answer questions its not that hard!!!!!!#you dont even need to be right just throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks!#also group leaders stop reading questions from a script from your phone#ALSO PLEASE CAN WE STOP GOING THROUGH THE SAME VERSES WE GO THROUVH ON SUNDAYS#this is why we have a split in our life group/church crowdm just sayin#i just. i just miss doing bible studys with people who were way smarter than me#being a church kid in a college church is just 👁👄👁#i shpuldnt be dreading going to bible study!!!!!!#so its probably a me problem right?!#and also the group leaders have had to tell me to stfu more than once (politely. which was really annoying. dont pussyfoot around!!)#also our only bible study is also our ~only space for new comers~ so i get in trouble if i get too meaty in my excitements and theology#EHICH SHOJLDNT BE MY FAULT!!!!!!!#and YEAH it IS my fault that its my only spot where im spiritually feeding. but also there is a secret eomens group people mention that..#i guess im just excluded from? but also i know most of the women dont like me bc I have interminable Doesnt Shut Up Disease l#like i understand fhat yes it is a little my fault rhat me talking about deep theology makes them feel inadequate but also THAT SHOULDNT BE#guh. i also forgot my meds today so im a little bit more mulish and hard hearted#and i KNOW its a teachable moment amd God is usimg this to temper me or something else but im feelimg grumblr#and ill probably delete this later.#and i have to got to work ok bye
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hello i sent the ask like an hour ago about being the guy bullied for having tiddies and i feel like i should say a couple things to clarify.
It should absolutely be feminism 101 that the patriarchy hurts everyone, thats the point i was trying to make in sharing
At the time the bullying happened I identified as cis. This is to say that being a cis guy doesnt shield you from this bullshit, people will still cup your chest and announce a cup size to humiliate you
no yeah ur good!! it's so insane how like. the patriarchy + beauty standards + Everything like Inherently affect cis men and men in general negatively and yet ppl will still say it only affects women like ..idk the lack of like. nuance & understanding is so wild 2 me !!
#ask#idksilver#like i saw a post ages ago along the lines of 'well i dont care how the patriarchy affects men bc women are the ones being oppressed'#and idk i just feel like . we should care abt men and everyone of any gender . and how the patriarchy affects Everyone#bc how can we solve these like. societal problems without addressing Everything#and on a more like. practical level. its sooo much easier to connect with a guy ur talking abt feminism w if ur like#'ok u know how in middle school if u wore a certain type of jeans u were called gay. thats toxic masculinity which is bc of the patriarchy'#rather than if u say 'you are ontologically evil for being a man' like . 💀WHO IS THAT HELPING#<- sry that was only like half related FJDKGFS#but yeah no i forget people like . dont think the patriarchy hurts men as well cuz it seems so obvious 2 me ???idk
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