#they leaned away from it later but imo if this was the way they wanted to go they coulda like. done a way better job

[thefinalwitness]

y'all are gonna start making me mute dumb shit huh

[fannyspammy]

Butterflies

Adam Warlock x Reader

Summary: Adam has never felt the way he feels when he’s with you.

Warnings: none ! just a lotta fluff on fluff on fluff hehe hence the cheesy title. There aren’t really spoilers i think unless you count the location maybe? Idk it’s pretty general imo

A/N: watched gotg 3 twice over the weekend & im obsesseddd with this man lol. Might make this a series of firsts with Adam if yall would read it 👀 lmk if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

[not my gif]

He was built like a man — perfect in every way with his chiseled body & god-like strength — but he had the innocence of a child. And y/n loved that about him. He was the purest person she knew, embracing every new experience & every new discovery with such wonder. And she loved that she got to share so many firsts with him.

Y/n always smiled to herself when she remembered the first time he told her he had feelings for her. Or tried to, at least.

They were sitting in silence on a roof in Knowhere, people-watching. They’d come there every afternoon since meeting after the defeat of the High Evolutionary. Having lived in Knowhere with the Guardians before the attack (his attack, ironically), y/n knew all the spots for when you needed a moment alone, & when they’d met, she could tell he was someone who needed that space to just be.

So she introduced him to her spot, & they’d been coming ever since. But Nebula had needed their help with a few tasks that afternoon, so their daily retreat was pushed later into the evening. By this time, the community was out in the streets, dancing & playing & having fun. Music & laughter filled the air, & the faint scent of liquor presented itself as everyone began to drink the night away. It was getting late & y/n was getting tired, so she scooted closed & rested her head on his shoulder.

Y/n felt him tense at the initial contact, before quickly relaxing and melting into it, laying his head on hers. After a couple minutes he spoke.

“Y/n, I… feel something.. when I’m with you.”

She looked up at him without moving from her position, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Hm?”

“Something.. warm. Tingly? I-I don’t really- how do I- it’s hard to explain…”

Y/n giggled at his flustered attempt to explain himself.

Adam sighed & tried again. “I.. care about you. A lot. But it’s different from the way I cared about my mother. Or Blurp. Like, I want to be with Blurp all the time & hug him & cuddle him, and I want to do the same with you, but in a different way. But I can’t explainhowit’sdifferentitjustknowthatits-”

“Adam!” y/n said with a laugh, stopping his rambling. She lifted her head from its resting place to look at him, amused. “Slow down!”

“See! When you smile at me like that I feel it!”

Y/n bit her lip to restrain the smile spreading across her face, her brows furrowed in thought.

“Can I try something?” She asked. Adam nodded.

“Do you feel it when I do this?” Y/n gently brushed a lock of hair away from his face. He nodded again, slower.

“What about.. this?” Y/n brought her hand down to his shoulder & dragged it down slowly to rest on his chest. She felt his heartbeat quicken.

“I feel it more now.”

Using her other hand, she grabbed his arm to raise it between them, and then placed her hand on his, gently interlacing their fingers. “This?”

His heartbeat quickened again and he nodded. A curious smile spread over his lips.

“I feel it right in my stomach.. almost like it’s.. like it’s fluttering. Like-”

“Butterflies.” Y/n said, finishing his sentence.

Adam nodded again, excitedly, like she’d just solved a puzzle he’d been stuck on for days. “Like butterflies!”

Y/n leaned in closer, resting their intertwined hands in his lap. “Adam, you like me,” she said with a teasing smile on her lips.

“Well yeah, you know I like you. I like most people. Except the ones I need to fight, which used to be you & our friends but now I like you guys.”

She chuckled and pressed her head against the nook of his neck, back resting on his chest, pulling his arm around her, fingers still locked together.

“No, Adam. I mean you like like me. Like, romantically.” She tapped his torso with her free hand. “That’s why you feel all warm and gooey inside when you’re with me, or when I touch you. You having feelings for me. Romantic feelings.”

“Romantic…,” he whispered to himself, then paused shortly. “Do you like me too? In the romantic way?”

Y/n felt his chest tense as his breathing hitched, anticipating her answer. He may not understand his feelings yet, but he knew he wanted her to feel the same way. She squeezed his hand softly in reassurance.

“Mhmm. I like you a lot.”

He eased beneath her & then was quiet for a moment, as if deep in thought, processing the new feeling he had just discovered.

Then he held her tighter, and she felt him smile as she melted into his embrace.

“I like liking you. It feels nice.”

[beelzeballing]

actually i dont think ive posted my thoughts on ofmd s2 overall here yet have i?

ok here goes: i think it had incredibly high highs, and at some parts i genuinely enjoyed it more than i did the first season, episode 6 being peak imo. however, it had equally abysmal lows with some glaring writing-, tone- and pacing issues that all came to a head in the finale.

i once read someone say that, if you ever feel like a finale ruined the whole story, maybe you should take another look at the story. there were most likely cracks and problems all along, and the finale did nothing besides dashing the hope that these would perhaps be addressed later. very rarely do genuinely well written stories go completely off the rails in the finale and ruin the whole thing.

i think this is applicable here in some ways, SPECIFICALLY in regards to edward. good god edward was a MESS this season, and it's so sad because i loved the starting point! the kraken era was absolutely terrifying and iconic as FUCK but... they shouldn't have leaned so hard into the drama and trauma of it all. don't get me wrong, i loved that it did. it's one of my favorite parts of the season and i'm so glad we got it. but if they wanted this arc to work with the overarching plot as they wrote it, they would've had to lighten up the tone here CONSIDERABLY. had they played the kraken era for comedy then sure! edward's bad youtuber apology would've been funny. his fast redemption would've been less jarring. the lack of consequences less disturbing. but as it stands in the show, this arc is too dark to function with the later episodes.

i feel like they wanted to have their cake and eat it too here. they wanted the gritty drama of ed coming off the hinges entirely but also didn't want to deal with the aftermath of such a heavy arc in their silly pirate romcom. be that due to time constraints and budget cuts or because they were simply unwilling to, doesn't really matter in the end. the result is the same either way: a very tonally messy season with some accidentally troubling implications regarding abuse.

and mentioning troubling implications regarding abuse; izzy. my poor, poor izzy... his arc was absolutely glorious. i liked izzy the second he showed up in s1 and i was absolutely EATING this season up in that regard. and i think in this case, they genuinely did fuck it all up in the finale with that one stupid choice:

choosing to kill izzy was the DUMBEST thing they couldve done here.

ive talked about this over and over and over again. ive reblogged so many meta posts. and still i am left absolutely flabbergasted by how stupid of a decision this was. the fridging, playing at the fallen woman trope, killing the beating heart of the season and the character who delivers what is essentially a thesis statement, killing off the character whose arc is about coming to terms with his disability, having him die in edward's arms, comforting him and apologizing after an entire season of finding community and love outside of edward, the absolutely godawful pacing of it all, the extremely easy and obvious solution of just having IZZY become the new captain of the revenge to mirror s1 and hammer home how much he has developed since then in one go... i could go on. and i have. it was a stupid writing decision, completely fucked the tone and pacing of the finale and took away attention and time from things that really would've deserved a better wrap up (lucius and black pete deserved better)

now. the whole prince ricky & zheng plot line... yeah that shit sucked ass, sorry. they bit off more than they could chew here. i honestly think those are the arc words of this season:

✨️ bit off more than they could chew ✨️

right off the bat: i think he was good as a concept. bringing in a foil for stede who just doesn't Get It as stede does could've made for very good comedy and drama (and to be fair there is some of that). but that shit got away from them extremely quickly. nothing about how he's implemented past his first episode works, and i think this is very specifically because he's mostly played as the comic relief in his debut episode. making this completely bumbling fool, who gets his nose hacked off on his first job, the main villain of your entire season is... definitely a choice. idk. he didn't work for me at all.

ok wow mentioning shit getting away from the writers. this definitely got away from me. this was supposed to be a short lil post. well. i guess tl;dr i loved this season but jesus christ there was a lot wrong with it. if you want to hear more thoughts. ask box is open. be my guest. i have more to say so even if you dont ask i might add more to this at some point but im tired and have work tmrw.

[icaruskeyartist]

Part 2 of this from the time loop au

It won't let me reblog and add another read more. Stupid imo.

@pillowspace I'm tempted to write some major hurt next but idk if you would be comfortable being tagged in that.

You're dangling several feet off the ground, rotating very slowly in a circle. Below you, the arcade machines look like multi colored tiles, the carpets erratic 90's pattern (sure this place may be 80's themed, but those patterns scream pre-grunge early 90's) rendered mute by the distance.

What's scarier though is the drop to the next floor down. You got yoinked at the edge of the stairs, so the tips of your shoes poke past the safety bannister. If you fell...

"Brat." Moon's voice crackles on the word. He jerks you higher, into the safety of the rafters as the DJ drags his massive form over the machines, pushing open the bathroom doors with one hand to feel inside. Instinctively, you cover your mouth with your hands, your panicked breathing sounding loud even to you.

Moon shakes you a little and you find yourself staring directly into the red LEDs of his eyes. That smile is ever present, but he looks less a jester and more a predator. A cat, crouched and ready to pounce. You've seen a cat catch a mouse before. You hadn't ever thought what it'd be like to be the mouse.

"Are you going to drop me?" You finally managed to ask, hands still over your mouth. Moon's head rotates, just a little too much for it to look like a human motion.

"No," he finally says, and that's a small relief. "Should put in time out. Naughty naughty brats belong in time out."

"I'm not naughty," you protest. Moon's silence is incriminating. "Okay, it's a little bad to be here after closing but. But..." You hesitate. "I'm trying to help you." It wasn't a lie. It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie.

"I don't need help," he snaps back, lifting you higher. Your stomach sinks, and for one second you're convinced he's about to fling you to the ground. Instead, he sets you on one of the rafters, releasing your sweater at last.

You grab at the metal girder, heart thumping hard against your rib cage. "You do though. Don't you want to see the kids again? Like before?"

There's no response, and your fingers are starting to hurt from how hard you're clinging. Below you, the DJ is moving, searching for you. His music is thrumming in time with your heart. Or maybe it's you adjusting to it, trying to find a new rhythm after Moon scared you out of your old one.

"Moon?" You want to reach out, but that meant letting go. Trusting yourself not to fall. Trusting him. Do you trust him?

You wobble a little as you let go, leaning into the empty space. Moon flinches away, a hand raising, but you still brush your fingers over his faceplate. "Moon, I am your friend," you insist. "You have to know that. You have to."

How do you explain that you know him, that you've met him three times already, and you know how to save him. Save Sun.

"You're the assistant," he says, and the growl is back in his voice. "You're my replacement. Not a friend." He pulls away from your hand, and then he's gone, zipping away, towards the atrium. Leaving you stuck in place as the music dies down, your eyes starting to itch.

Several loops later, you won't remember the terror of making your way back down to the arcade, fighting tears so you could see where you're going. The fear will be wiped out by exhaustion and pain, emotional and physical, experienced over and over. But for now, right now, this might be the most painful rejection in your life.

Because it's Moon. And you know him. You know he's not truly malicious, that there's something wrong. And he has to know too. Why else did he save you from the DJ? Why else is he not currently hunting you down as you make it back to the ground and walk on shaky legs to the elevator? He knows you're a friend. He has to.

By the time you make it home, the sun is starting to peak out from the horizon. You pull your curtains in your bedroom, collapsing into bed without taking your shoes off. And finally, you let yourself cry. You cry, burying your face in your pillows, curling up tight. You cry, and you think distantly of fictional characters who get trapped in time loops too. What sort of monster would dream of a world like this? To repeat the same thing over and over, only to fail time and time again. Being the only one who remembered.

You fall asleep slowly, and when you wake, it's well past noon. Your body feels heavy, your eyes crusty. There's the start of a headache, medicine withdrawal. It's been over 24 hours, and your body is warning you. Your ear hurts. You find your hearing aid, dead, buried in the sheets. You put it on the nightstand to charge.

When you check your sweater, you're not surprised to find some of the yarn had been stretched out of place, frayed and torn bits where Moon's fingers dug in. You'd have to fix it before your next shift. The kids loved your sweater, found it as safe and secure as you did.

Your Fazwatch is dead too. On the charger it goes, cell phone next. There's a text, but you don't bother checking it. You know it's work, asking you to come in today. You had, twice before. You slept through it today.

It's after you shower and you're toweling off that you notice the bruise on your shoulder. You touch it and wince, remembering hitting the arcade. You hadn't expected it to still be so tender. Maybe the warm water did something? You look at it better in the mirror, catching sight of your face. You look tired. And paler than normal? You poke at your eyebags, squinting, trying to remember what you looked like before this started happening.

Maybe you shouldn't go in tomorrow.

[gasolinerainbowreads]

↓ ICON LEGEND ↓

🌈 = title 🪆 = series, multiple parts, etc. 💎 = hidden gem/should have more reblogs/followers imo 🔋 = make sure your vibrator is charged before reading 😈 = Horny Demon Hours™ approved 🥹 = hurts so good/ouch, my feelings 🧠 = did somethin to my brain/altered my brain chemistry

Here's what I read in September along with a comment/thought/favorite excerpt:

@atticrissfinch

🌈 Now I See Daylight ⇨ 🪆🥹 we get punished, and we do not like it. This made me feel VERY BRATTY reading it lmaoooo. DO NOT GIVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT, DADDY.

@softlyspector

🌈 Moss & Mushrooms ⇨ 😈🧠 IT’S GIVING THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER WITH BONUS DICK DOWNS, AND I AM GOBBLING IT UP! SUPERB. 🌈 Blush ⇨ 🪆🥹🧠 IMPECCABLE. INSANELY IMMERSIVE. SICKENING TALENT. MAKES ME WANT TO GO TAKE A NAP IN A MUD PIT. GETTING THE SIDE OF THE OREO THAT HAS THE CRÈME FILLING ON THE WAFER. YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SLURPEE IS READY TO BE DISPENSED. YOUR HANGNAIL DOESN’T TEAR OFF. YOUR SHOELACES DON’T DRAG ON THE GROUND BC THEY’RE TOO LONG. THIS IS THAT. NO I WON’T BE EXPLAINING ANY OF IT.

@thetriumphantpanda

This series really covers a whole lotta kinks for me lmao. Breeding kink. Pregnancy kink. Creampies. Daddy kink. 🌈 Come Away with Me (Tuesday) ⇨🪆🔋🥹 “Imagine this is it?” He mumbles against the skin of your shoulder, leaning forward, “Imagine the time it takes is the time I fuck you against a tree like this.”  🌈 Come Away with Me (Wednesday) ⇨🪆🔋🥹 “Gonna fill me up, daddy?” You ask, the word slipping out of your mouth before you can catch it.  🌈 Come Away with Me (Thursday) ⇨🪆🔋🥹 “You’re in love with me, aren’t you?” He asks quietly, it’s soft, there isn’t an ounce of judgement or remorse to be found in his voice, and it’s not there in his eyes when you push yourself off his lap and turn to look at him. “Isn’t it obvious?” You ask him, “You’re in love with me too.” You don’t accuse him, it’s a statement of fact, because you know he’s been in love with you since the night he stayed when you were trying for Joshua.

@joelscruff

🌈 Beyond Infatuation ⇨ 🔋🧠 “Jesus,” Tommy mutters, and you open your eyes enough to see them both staring at your fucked-out hole, watching Joel’s come dribble downward into the sheets, “Filled her up real good.”

@swiftispunk

🌈 In My Hometown Headcanons ⇨ 🪆🥹 Omg it's the Lil Sebastian of Joel fics 💕 he can hardly remember how it felt to fear this, to fear being with you. now, he can’t shut up about you, giddy every time he gets to call you that word. it’s such a simple thing, reminds him of being young - “my girlfriend’s pickin’ sarah up tonight,” “my girlfriend chose this shirt for me,” “my girlfriend and i are goin’ out later” - doesn’t matter the context, he loves referring to you that way, even if it’s a little trivial maybe, even if it doesn’t quite capture how deep his feelings really run for you. if he’s honest, it might be that he likes the word “my” better than “girlfriend.” 🌈 Your Summer Dream, Day 6 - Savour ⇨🪆🔋🥹 Get you a man who blows your back out so good he blows his own back out, too lmaoooooo 🌈 Your Summer Dream, Day 3 bonus ⇨ 🪆🔋🥹🧠 my brain skipped the tracks on this one, babes. derailed me for a hot minute. the whole in the doorframe thing just makes my brain go fucking static. 🌈 Mad Love drabble ⇨🔋😈🧠 “kill him,” you say and joel finally looks over at you, sees you with your hand over your cunt, another smirk playing at his lips at the sight.

@ezrasbirdie

my bb rly scratchin that somnophilia itch with these 🌈 Claim ⇨🔋😈 “That’s right, baby, that’s right. Goddamn, you sleep heavy,” he murmurs. He slides another finger in and makes the same noise, fucking you gently with both of them, pulling your legs open further, and repositioning himself between them.  “One more, sweetheart, one more for me,” he says. A harsh sigh emerges from you as he pushes a third digit inside of you.  It almost hurts. You want it to hurt more.  🌈 More ⇨ 🔋😈 the debauchery is unhinged and perfect

@toxicanonymity

🌈 Clock ⇨ 🪆🔋😈 this lil dehydrated, crybaby bitch is the loml some days. 🌈 Needs ⇨🪆💎🔋🥹 Part of her "Finally Fucking Friday". Virginity loss. Soft!Joel. 🌈 Fires ⇨🪆💎🔋🥹 POV switching done well. inadvertently hilarious reader.

@sugarcoated-lame

🌈 untitled ⇨💎🔋🥹 idgaf if this isn't technically a proper fic. it's more of a ramble/thots type thing, but i enjoyed it immensely and am putting it on this list because it made me horny and also bc i fucking want to.

@gracieispunk

🌈 Bloody ⇨ 🪆🔋🥹 my fave menace is back aka tenant girl who is innocent and perfect. the panic at being in missionary sent me. 🌈 Heat Wave ⇨🔋 Joel is just ssooo thoughtful when he hears you moaning in your sleep and decides to help. What a gentleman.

@millerscoffee

🌈 Heat Lightning ⇨ 💎🔋😈🥹 sub!Joel. mommy kink. aftercare.

@bageldaddy

🌈 I Know It When I See It, Pt 5 ⇨🪆🔋😈🥹 HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER?!?!?! --- also, i want to punch the fucking air over the fact that i cannot go onto pornhub and type in "Lucky+Texas+bondage" and have this come up. life is NOT FAIR.

@frannyzooey FREE MY BITCH FROM TUMBLR JAIL!

🌈 In The Dark blurb ⇨ 🪆🔋😈 *screams into the void* --- hot. HOT. I'm obsessed with In The Dark (go read that entire series right now if you haven't. It's so beyond amazing.). This was just icing on the cake. 🌈 Squirming ⇨🔋 the way I would be THRASHING so I could get a "goodnight treat" lmaoooooooo 🌈 Short Days, Long Nights 13 ⇨🪆🔋🥹 The words come pouring out of his mouth before he can stop them, but once they’re out, he can’t stop saying them. Burying his face in your chest, he says the words directly over your pounding heart. “I love you, honey. Fuck, I love you.”

@iamskyereads

🌈 Compulsion, Pt 6 ⇨🪆🔋😈🧠 One of THE BEST versions of Ezra I've ever come across in fic. SO GOOD. SERIOUSLY SO FUCKING GOOD.

@netherfeildren

🌈 The Cassandra Complex, Pt 3 ⇨🪆🔋😈🧠 This story is so well-written, the plot is beautifully crafted, the imagery is wonderful. No surprises there, right? It's Vic lmao. It ain't gonna be anything but amazing! Having said that... the smut in this chapter..... whew. WHEW. You outdid yourself, Vic.

@velvetmud

🌈 home video blurb ⇨🔋😈 But you don’t find the words or the energy to conjure up an answer. You’ve become too lost, too deep in the moment giving your own boyfriend’s dad another long orgasm he’s been saving up just for your face. “Gonna tell him his dad’s thick cock fucked and wrecked this throat all night?” he asks, pointer finger dragging down your aching jaw. He continues with a whisper. “That I split that pussy open on it whenever you come over to see him, too?”

@psychedelic-ink

🌈 Ravish ⇨🪆🔋😈 Okay I love the set up of this story and also the way Joel is chill about ~cam girls~. But I did bust up laughing when she saw his dick and was like wtf idk man idk if that's gonna fit and his ass hits her with the I've seen you shove bigger dildos into your pussy you'll be fine lmaooooooooo.

@tieronecrush

🌈 Only Angel, Ch 2 ⇨🪆🥹 “I’ll be waiting for a call, Javi. And I’ll see you Monday, Professor Peña.” You give him one last look, giggling as you shut the door and he hits the top of the taxi before you drive away, standing there with an idiotic smile on his face.

@cavillscurls

🌈 Eyes on Me ⇨🔋😈 Tommy watches you fuck Joel. Just go read it already! 🌈 Lover Man ⇨🥹 Soft and fluffy. You play with Joel's hair bc he is bb grl and deserves tenderness.

@walkintotheriveranddisappear

🌈 Waiting Room ⇨🪆🥹 I love this series, and this part carries so much of the story. The break down of relationship dynamics and friendships and people just trying to figure shit out was *chef's kiss*

@haylzcyon

🌈 Slow ⇨🔋 *chanting* EZRA EZRA EZRA EZRA “Fuck me slow, Ezra.”

@the-ginger-hedge-witch

🌈 Everything ⇨ 🪆🥹 from one of my all-time fave series Adversity. I'm not going to write too much of a blurb here bc I will go absolutely off the rails about Adversity if prompted lmaooooo.

@mandoblowmybackout

🌈 Eyes on Me ⇨🔋 Ezra gets his ass ate and fingered. *wipes tear* It's just so beautiful.

@leslie-lyman

🌈 Focus ⇨🔋 Ezra hypnokink that makes me very horny every time I read it.

@pascalisbaby

🌈 Heaven ⇨ 🔋 sub!Joel just wants to make us feel good, as he should. 🌈 Control ⇨🔋 now we're subbing and think we wanna dom but you know what sometimes it's just best if Joel doms 😅

@hier--soir

🌈 Whole New Can of Worms ⇨🪆🔋🥹 yyyooooo I wanna be BFF with Joel if it means getting dicked down that good. jesus!

@cupofjoel

🌈 Switching the Positions ⇨🔋🥹 The domesticity. The fluff. The fucking. Perfection.

@chloeangelic

🌈 Reflection of the Moon, Ch 5 ⇨🪆🔋🥹 Joel Miller ascending to baby daddy status. We love to see it.

@the-scandalorian

🌈 Mine ⇨🔋😈 🗣️ PRONE BONE ANAL

@northernbluess

🌈 Art of Healing, Ch 5 ⇨🪆🥹 I. Am. OBSESSED. with this series. Marcus Pike, art therapist. It's a slow build, and the story is PHENOMENAL. I have gone back and re-read chapters of this so many times. I adore this story!!

WHEW HOLY SHIT I DID IT.

I know this is basically a month late. I apologize. I'm gonna go ahead and apologize in advance for whenever the October wrap up rolls around bc I'm pretty sure I read even more this past month than I did in September. *screams into pillow*

If all the writers in this fandom could please stop being so fucking talented and amazing please that would really help my To Be Read list.

😩

SEE Y'ALL NEXT MONTH

[zombie-bait]

The Death of a Vampire

Lestat as a protagonist just works so incredibly well and a very significant aspect of that is him being Anne Rice's self-insert. Lived experience can be critical when it comes to writing a good story and many memorable novels will feature elements of that. Anne is built different, though. Lestat (book 2 onwards) is basically Anne's journal for dealing with her grievances and trauma, which, on its own, is a very questionable method of writing. More often than not, it causes him to be characterized inconsistently between books because Anne's own opinions have changed. But it also makes him so real.

You follow his struggles with religion, you see him yearn for forgiveness from a god that has seemingly abandoned him a long time ago and you feel it. The passage I will never get over is in the early chapters of The Vampire Lestat, when Lestat has a breakdown over his mother's (and frankly his own) mortality. He struggles and he cries and he can't get out of bed because there's nothing he can do. Eventually he starts to live again, forces himself to.

But.

"I wandered into the church and on my knees I leaned against the wall and I looked at the ancient statues and I felt the same gratitude looking at the finely carved fingers and the noses and the ears and the expressions on their faces and the deep folds in their garments, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. At least we had these beautiful things, I said. Such goodness. But nothing natural seemed beautiful to me now! The very sight of a great tree standing alone in a field could make me tremble and cry out. Fill the orchard with music. And let me tell you a little secret. It never did pass, really."

I think about those last two sentences a lot. I think about them even more since Anne Rice passed away.

Every page of Interview is spent talking about death and yet (imo) it's only in TVL that you really feel it. Louis in book 1 welcomes death quite readily because, besides his toxic boyfriend and their traumatized daughter, he doesn't have much to live for. He's basically given up by the time Lestat appears. The greatest torture, to Louis, is the knowledge that he can live forever on the suffering of others.

But Lestat is the complete opposite. He wants to listen to music, to explore Paris, to perform on any stage that will take him, to embrace the man he loves and to send his ailing mother letters of his accomplishments. Death matters most to those who are desperate to live and god is he desperate. He's haunted by his mother's sickness, by the wolves on the mountain that threaten to end his life before he's even lived it, the witches place that reeks of meaningless suffering. And in a way, the dark gift provides opportunity to escape that. But it is still death. It takes away Nicki in a very literal way and takes away his mother in a more personal one. Magnus, like death, chose Lestat arbitrarily. He sees the cellar of blonde corpses and knows that he was only one of dozens to meet an untimely death with no explanation.

Lestat also really wants you to know that he is, truly, a good person. He must be. He swears to only hunt criminals and then goes back on that two pages later. He reshapes stories to present himself as the noble protagonist and the audience has no choice but to believe him. He wants, desperately, to be loved for all that he is, man and monster. He wants to be the hero.

He's this awful, fascinating, very human man so clearly born out of the internal struggle to find meaning and love in a cruel, unpredictable world we all tend to share. He's made up of incredibly basic and powerful human desires hidden behind a mask of bravado and I can't recalling seeing another protagonist like him.

(Quick mention: This isn't some kind of "wow Anne Rice is an incredible author who can do no wrong" piece. She's written a lot of fucked up and bad shit that cannot be easily brushed over. But I don't think I'll ever get over reading TVL for the first time. To read someone bare their soul in such a way creates a truly unique experience. A lot of characters in a lot of pieces of media face death, but it's rare to see a character face mortality in such a personal way.)

(Also odds are I've written similar posts to this before but shhhhh these sad gay vampires are all I have)

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

My theory is that Charles is showing us how he's going to rule differently than the Queen did. Since the beginning she kept EVERYONE even Phillip out of her regin. I read in Royals how she refused to speak with him about many issues, did not share the red box information nor let him sit in with the PM visits. From what I recall her own father didn't do that, he discussed everything with the Queen mother and leaned on her quite a bit. Charles imo chafed at Elizabeths reluctance to share power with him, to ease him into ruling. Also when the big public push to William to ascend probably caused a lot of jealousy kinda "pass me over when I haven't got to do anything as King?". So I think Charles was happy to have the then Cambridges spend their time raising their children instead of taking a chunck what little position he was given as PoW. But now that he's King he doesn't want to be like Elizabeth in that way. He realizes that he will have a short reign and needs to get William ready for the crown not just his position of PoW. A crash course if you will.

I can see this but I'm not sure I agree. It's definitely a sympathetic look at Charles, one that's absolutely worthwhile to consider, but It's not what I see when I look at it.

My sense is that The Queen felt her parents' "just us four" approach to family was ideal for raising heir and spare, where the duty is family with country coming later. It was how she was raised, it was what she had for a little bit with Philip, Charles, and Anne as Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh, and it was what she wanted for Charles, Diana, William, and Harry but I don't think Charles wanted that for his family. Obviously we know what happened in the Waleses' marriage so perhaps when William and Kate began planning, she supported "just us four" knowing that family needed to be the heart of the monarchy, rather than work.

And my sense is Charles was happy to go along with William's focusing on his family because with William away in Norfolk, Charles could spend more time as a "shadow king" without having to worry about the public being as vocal for their support (and admiration) of William. Don't forget, this was around the time that Charles and Andrew were pairing up to push Geidt out and install Young instead - truly the work of a shadow king, IMO.

We do know The Queen was mentoring William, as he spoke about it a bit, so we do know that William has been getting some kind of education in monarchy so the crash course from Charles isn't necessary. At most, Charles should be continuing the training. "Leveling up," if you will, since William (and Kate) received the fundamentals from The Queen and Philip. Did/is Charles continue/continuing that? I'm not sure.

Personally I don't see Charles mentoring William in that way, not after the way BP insisted Charles wouldn't call on the Counsellors of State to assist after his cancer diagnosis was announced. That doesn't strike me as someone interested in teaching, but someone who'd rather hoard - but perhaps that was Charles doing a kindness so William could stay with Kate. Because if it had been announced Charles was calling on the Counsellors of State, but it was Anne and Edward showing up with William MIA, who knows what would've happened.

I think where I disagree with you, anon, is that Charles wants to rule differently than The Queen. I think Charles wanted The Queen to share duties with him in the name of modernizing because she had done it independently her way for so long and he was tired of being "the backup" but he had every intent to keep William waiting in the wings as long as he could. and I think some of that reluctance has been made visible over the years. But much like external forces required The Queen to begin letting Charles "in" (age, Philip's retirement, the pandemic, her own illness, Philip's death), external forces have required Charles to bring William in earlier than he expected (the Sussexes, cash-for-honors scandals, and Charles's own cancer).

I also disagree that William needed a crash course for monarchy/the crown. As mentioned earlier, William was getting that from The Queen. He didn't need a crash course on being the Prince of Wales either, because it's the same work he did as The Duke of Cambridge (i.e., The Royal Foundation and its humanitarian-focused charitywork) just with a different title.

What William needed, and which Charles could give him, was a crash course for being the Duke of Cornwall. There isn't a whole lot on the record of William undertaking any preparations or receiving any kind of mentoring or instruction or access from Charles. Yes, William took some courses, but that's all we know. That's where Charles could be an asset to William, but again - it just looks like Charles kept a close, firm control on his work because he didn't want to share. And again, that's just the public perception; we don't know what the actual conversations were behind closed doors.

Sorry for the rambling. It's Sunday. I definitely lost the plot somewhere in here.

[aemiron-main]

emotionally devastating jonathan and hopper realization

ok so im rewatching s1 and while watching the scene where jonathan asks hopper about going to tak to lonnie, i started thinking abt hoppers lack of interpersonal/parenting abilities in early s1 and how he grabbed jonathan in this scene vs how lonnie later grabs jonathan.  and how jonathan was imo definitely scared of hopper in that scene (like for example you can see his eyes flicking back and forth across hopper like he’s panicking and trying to predict what hopper’s going to do). and how hoppper imo definitely realized that jonathan was scared of him, because you can see it in jonathan’s face in that scene, AND because we see him be way gentler with jonathan later, at the morgue, and reach out to him in a gentle and reassuring way instead of a scary way.  like, hopper looks so annoyed/very much bordering on angry and takes his meds right before this interaction (which we see him do in other scenes where hes stressed out/angry in s1) 

like its hard to see in a still screenshot, but jonathan literally jolts/flinches backwards from hopper when hopper reaches out to grab him, right before hopper actually grabs him. 

and hopper literally like. punches him in the shoulder here, and i know its not meant to be like a violent punch but theres still a fair bit of force/’authority’ behind it

and then jonathan looks like. scared. after that. and just sort of stands there frozen.

like this scene with jonathan being scared of hopper happens in the SAME EPISODE as the lonnie-jonathan scene, and jonathan’s mannerisms with lonnie are similar to his mannerisms with hopper, except he actually seems *less* willing to confront hopper head-on, he almost seems to shy away from him a little bit more, probably because he’s used to lonnies bs by now, and used to trying to predict what lonnie would do so that he could defend himself, and trying to defend will from him, but hopper’s a whole new ballgame and he doesn’t know how to try and predict his actions yet. like jonathan physically pushes lonnie off of him and glares at him when lonnie grabs him, and even pushes lonnie off and tells him to get off when lonnie tries to hug him/tries to force jonathan to hug him, but with hopper, jonathan just sort of freezes and flinches and stares anxiously, since again, hopper is more unpredictable (i dont mean that in a ‘hopper is more of a loose cannon than lonnie’ way, but in a ‘to JONATHAN, hopper is less predictable simply because he doesnt know him very well’ way), and is also physically larger/stronger than lonnie. imo the jonathan-hopper scene and the jonathan-lonnie scene are meant to parallel eachother and lonnie and hopper are meant to paralell eachother, ESPECIALLY since lonnie hits jonathan in the chest in almost the exact same way that hopper does, except hopper’s is actually harder. (but yknow lonnie also did the whole extremely agressive wall grab thing)

But unlike lonnie, who realizes that he scares jonathan and terrorizes him for that reason, because he wants to scare him/assert authority, hopper doesn’t seem to quite realize that he scared jonathan until after, like he doesn’t put the pieces together initially, but once he does, there’s a night and day change in his demeanour towards jonathan, because unlike lonnie, hopper doesn’t want jonathan to be scared of him. like yes, hopper still  has his moments of being intimidating tm with jonathan (specifically that scene where the cops find the bear traps in jonathan’s car), but even then, his tone is deep/firm in that scene, but not as agressive as it was in the s1 ep2 scene, and he doesn’t grab jonathan or do anything other than just vaguely lean in- and that’s a much more serious situation than “jonathan asking politely if he can be the one to go talk to lonnie”. and then once we see this scene at the morgue, a couple episodes after the s1 ep2 scene, hopper is way, WAY gentler towards jonathan not only physically, but also with how he speaks to him

i just think that jonathan byers deserves a father figure who treats him nicely and can shoulder some of the emotional weight and responsbility that jonathan’s been forced to shoulder his whole life + provide some emotional support for jonathan too because god knows jonathan needs it. 

[venomous-qwille]

Hi hello! I love how different and distinctive your characters are, so wanted to ask if you got any tips/helpful resources for how to write characters without blending them into something similar? Thank you for your work!

Ahh thankyou very much :) There was a LOT of kill your darlings involved in making characters for gitm. Originally I had a very long list of ideas that I cut down and down based on the kind of things and themes they would give me the opportunity to write about. I love long ensemble cast stories, thinking back to ones I particularly enjoyed and the ways those characters gelled together helped me a lot. For advice? That's kinda hard but for the gitm guys I made sure to answer a couple of character work questions: What lie do they believe about themselves/the world? How does it impact the way they interact with others? What central theme do they embody most? What do they want more than anything else? How do they feel about humans? Who are they at their best and who are they at their worst?

All basic character work stuff!

I found that by answering these sort of questions it helped me discover more about them, which creates more questions- rinse and repeat. The more questions I answered the further away they would get from each other in terms of similarities.

The thing that really helped with the gitm boys, especially because their origins are so similar, was leaning in to how different their experiences were post-fazco. They are different people because the world has made them that way.

Messing around with foils is useful too! Characters are no fun in a vacuum, it's how they interact with others that makes them interesting. Imo I like to create ones that will bring out the best and the worst in each other. I think about opposites a lot and I really like narrative symmetry- what lessons can the characters learn from each other? I find that stuff super exciting to read so I really wanted to include it. I'm not sure how helpful this all is! But yeah, I try to be pretty strict with myself about what I include. The only reason I would include two characters who were very very similar would be to emphasize a difference/divergence between them later on. Characters have to justify themselves by bringing something unique to the table imo, even if that thing is just a 'very different outlook on life' to the rest of the cast. <3

[yarugawitch]

Nnoitra/reader: Non-specific SFW and NSFW headcanons

Copied from my main acc. Was originally a request. As I said in the original post I think I was a bit dry because imo the dynamic with him heavily depends on the circumstances so you can always leave a request for something more specific or for AU headcanons :3c

>Masterpost

SFW:

He'd deny having any feelings even to himself but he'd be so terribly obnoxious with it that it's literally impossible not to notice. He's too clingy, too possessive, too annoying, too prone to jealousy and likes to get in your face both literally and figuratively. There's no such thing as personal space for this man I fear. Grabbing you by the wrists? Yes. Tugging at your ears? Yeah. Leaning closer to grab you by the face or annoyingly lick it if you're not paying attention? Sure

He's in a constant battle with himself and gives mixed messages all the time. At some point Nnoitra can hint at something or make a borderline romantic/sexual comment but once you confront him or make your own move he'd just hit you with his usual "What the hell are you saying?!" bs. The gaslighting is so real. Nnoitra is like an aggressive cat that yearns for affection with this one. He keeps you at arm's length and even though it's obvious he wants something - trying to get close when he's not ready will result in a nasty scratch

Calling someone he doesn't hate by their name is very intimate to him. So usually it's just "hey you", "idiot", "woman", "human", "shinigami", "quincy", etc.

Nnoitra suffers from cute aggression. There's nothing he'd actually consider cute in this situation of course but if something you did made him feel a little too much or he just happened to be next to you for too long his first immediate response is to want to squash you, break one of your limbs or bite a chunk out of you. Both because he can't deal with his own emotions and because "how fucking dare you"

Both him and Jaegerjaquez are very sensitive to smell and to Nnoitra your scent is very calming. I don't think he's desperate enough to constantly follow you and sniff you lmao but he's definitely stealing something that belongs to you for later. If you're fortunate/unfortunate enough to have the fifth Espada as your roommate and you're away for too long he will rummage through your closet to make a nest out of your clothing or occupy your pillow

The way he sleeps in front of you and whether he does or not in general is very telling. Imo he's a very light and restless sleeper. Constantly on his toes even in his slumber. Eons in Hueco Mundo can do things to you. So if he doesn't take fetal position to hide his stomach with you, won't literally jump up at the slightest of sounds and naps in your presence sometimes - congrats

I think he'd confess only if the situation is so dire he'd rather die than not do this. Like for example if you're having a huge fight and you're so close to leaving he's almost shaking and ripping his hair out out of stress which doesn't happen a lot. Or if there's someone showing interest in you and they're very much successful at making you happy. Then it's a question of defending what he thinks is his even though he won't admit it. Would he actually try to kill the other person? I mean it depends really but if it's Grimmjow or Szayel then fucking sure. Any day. Anyone else is not that big of a competition. Even Ulquiorra. "I mean have you seen him? What a fucking nuisance. He makes me sick. As if he has a chance with anyone at all"

Speaking of which - would brag in front of you all the time

Once you're together he'll never leave and will always make sure others know you're taken. Well not at first of course but still

NSFW (heavily afab leaning)

Tbh I too can't imagine him as an aggressive alpha-dom-top (tm) if he actually has any feelings for the person. So a service top or a damn bottom it is

The worst size kink ever. He may constantly talk shit about people who are weaker, smaller or frailer than him but once feelings are involved he's aroused by the thought all of a sudden. I think his fingers are not the only thing that is unusually long so not fitting all the way in is not a problem for him - it's even better in fact

As fascinating as the thought of penetration may be to him I think foreplay is his favorite part. Mostly because making you squirm is fun but also because only here he can actually assert domination. After that he's just too soft

I don't care what anyone says this man is a MUNCH

So so painfully slow sometimes. If he's on top he would just stop to tease and watch your reaction. Other than that making the process as long as possible is one of his goals. It's not like he has no stamina - he has a lot of it actually but during sex he can be as intimate and as close to you as he wants to be because under normal circumstances he can't afford to put it into words without having to grab himself by the throat

Talks a lot. It's not exactly dirty talk (I don't like it I'm very sorry babes) but he loves saying nasty things and would comment on everything that is going on. Otherwise he's nervous

I'm convinced all of the arrancars must be infertile since they don't reproduce this way so. He likes finishing inside. He won't have it any other way. It's special to him because how are you even letting him do something like this? but he also shows affection this way

The more vocal his partner is the better. Everyone must know

I mentioned that he loves your scent before so yeahhh. I hope you don't mind stains on your clothes

[matataku-hoshi]

Groundhog Day at the Old Vic, London 2023

*dusts off the old blog* It's certainly been a minute, hasn't it! Still here, still a huge GHD fan. In the intervening years, I got to see productions at San Francisco Playhouse and at the Paramount Theatre in Aurora, IL. (I also got married and went through a bunch of other life stuff, but that's neither here nor there). But then it was announced that Groudhog Day would be returning to the Old Vic in 2023 with Andy Karl, and my husband and I used that as an excuse to finally do that UK trip we'd been talking about for years.

Tumblr user colemckenzies did a great post outlining some of the changes between Broadway and 2023 Old Vic. I wanted to further elaborate on some additional changes I noticed. Obviously spoilers to follow:

In “There Will Be Sun”, the first chorus of “Tomorrow spring will come and then there will be blue skies my friend” is cut. It goes straight from “If not tomorrow then tomorrow or tomorrow there will be sun” to “Oh if I could I’d will these clouds away my love”

While obviously the revolves are gone (look at me picking up British-isms 😄), the bedroom set gets wheeled in every loop. They keep the trick from Broadway where this is always done counter-clockwise until the loop finally breaks.

As previously mentioned, there’s a wonderful lyric change in Day One. “Their dumb superstitions and vacuous chat, their total unawareness of the fact their trapped, perhaps you don't miss it if you don't know you lack it, I'm sure there was a pack of xanax in this jacket'

I adore this because of the foreshadowing, and how Phil thinks he’s singing about the townsfolk when he’s really singing about himself.

Dialogue change in 2023 when Phil runs into Jonathan:

Jonathan: “Off to the see the groundhog?”

Phil: “Why, isn’t there a tractor pull or a cow-tipping contest?”

Jonathan, looks confused: “I don’t think that’s today.”

When Rita introduces  to Phil on Day One and reminds him of the flood story, Phil takes a second before recalling, groans, and goes, "Oh, the intern? They didn't even send me a real producer." After which Rita corrects him that she's a real producer now, albeit an associate producer. 

On Day 2 when the sheriff drops his gun, Phil asks "How do you have a permit???"

At the end of Day 2, Rita sings “I mean he acts kind of asshole-ish still. I think he might be mentally ill.” While it’s on the cast recording and the early previews bootleg, I could have sworn it was cut in the final Broadway version. Regardless, it’s restored in the 2023 version.

Phil’s “Help me~~~~” at the end of Day 3 is cut.

In Philandering, they cut the line where Phil "proposes" to Nancy (which I prefer - no one is that stupid, and they make the point later that Nancy is more than a caricature)

Also in Philandering, you can hear the chorus singing, “Gonna party like it’s no tomorrow~~~” in the party scene (formerly the orgy scene). Phil also gets 10 pizzas delivered to his room.

Phil is less aggressive when he confesses his “love” to Rita in One Day. 

On Broadway, they sit down directly on the stage, and Phil leans sideways to Rita to confess. As he gets more desperate, he starts to position himself over her and tries to take her hand, after which she slaps him.

In 2023, they’re sitting on a bench together. Phil tries to take her hand, and she pulls away and slaps him. Still creepy, but much less heading in the direction of sexual assault.

Either way Phil totally deserves to get slapped. I’ve talked to a few people who have said they could never root for Phil because of this scene (which is a fair critique). The 2023 version IMO makes the same point without so much portraying Phil as a potential sexual predator. 

Right before Phil smashes the alarm clock at the end of One Day, he yells “Make it stop!” (“Somebody make it stop”? Memory is a fickle thing)

When Phil kills himself with the gun before Hope, it's more explicit that he stole the gun off of the sheriff with his faulty holster.

I don't remember if this is new, but when Phil wakes up at the beginning of Hope, he touches the side of his head where he shot himself and even though he knows that the day will always reset, he still looks a little surprised and it's heartbreaking. 

For the third death/revival in Hope (where Phil climbs the ladder):

Broadway: Phil reappears in bed

Old Vic 2023: Phil reappears on the scene of the broadcast, fully dressed

As noted, lots of changes to If I Had My Time Again. 

Cast recording: "The thing with these revolving rides / they're only fun because you know they're going to end"

Broadway (as of early in previews): "I was completely dead inside / But today I'm like 85%"

London 2023: We're back to the cast recording lyrics.

IMO the orchestration and lyric changes are for the better. I adored this song on the cast recording, but in the August Wilson theater it frequently felt swallowed up.

With the emphasis on just Phil and Rita, it’s a much more intimate song, which is what the scene needs IMO.

I also love Rita’s new lyric “Go to all the parties that I missed / Kiss all the boys I was too afraid to kiss”, because then it’s Rita fulfilling her “time again” when she kisses Phil during Seeing You.

After "If I Had My Time Again", Phil eats a carton of Ben & Jerry's while discussing the almanac with Rita. I love the implication that he’s eaten all of this junk food before, but he’s trying it again with her.

Dialogue change after "If I Had My Time Again" 

Phil: "You know, Larry, we never really talk."

Broadway Larry: "Sometimes I think you don't notice that I'm there."

London 2023 Larry: "Well you never brought me donuts before."

Not a change, but I was sitting close enough one night to see the stock photos they use for Ned’s wallet pictures of his kids, and I realized that “little Mary” is just a baby. It really hit home that Ned has probably just lost his wife in the last year or two, and he’s trying to raise five very young kids on his own.

In the Broadway/cast recording versions of "Philanthropy", you can hear some melodic callbacks to earlier songs. In the London 2023 version, the chorus actually sings lines like, "I'm not sure what the point is / But this point is it don't matter" and "If I had my time again I would not do it all the same"

There's no pause of silence before "Seeing You" starts

After Phil and Rita run off into the snow at the end of Seeing You, the couples left dancing are Nancy/Larry, Debbie/Fred, and then Mrs. Lancaster dances alone in the snow in joyous wonder. I love this bit, becuase it feels like all the different ways you can find a new meaning of love (Nancy/Larry, the couple just discovering each other, Debbie/Fred, who have moved into a new phase of their relationship, and then Mrs. Lancaster, who even as an old woman can revel in the beauty of the snow)

In 2023 when Phil takes Rita to see the sunrise, he makes her cover her eyes, and then unveil them once the full sunrise is in view. It’s very sweet.

Anyway, I love this show, and I love talking about this show, so please feel free to hit me up! I may post more general thoughts, etc. if anyone is interested.

[mswyrr]

^^ Well said. I delayed reading it because I didn't want to engage with it for a while - and, once I did, even though Collins had earned so much trust from me with her handling of Katniss and Peeta's disabilities, I was still wary. So I actually highlighted every instance where she wasn't writing him according to ableist tropes.

Yes, at 18 he's been shaped by Capitol indoctrination at school and in his family and in the media. He sees with those lenses. They come easily and automatically to him. But he also connects with people as people and realizes - oh, the District kids are just kids?? And they're being starved and hurt? I know what it's like to go hungry... This is wrong. Why should Lucy Gray have to sing just to get food? I'll get her some, even though I don't have enough.

Over and over - but if you stand up for the wrong people, you will be punished. He tries it; he protects Lucy Gray. And then he pays the price and -- somewhere along the way, he doesn't want to pay anymore. He wants to protect his family and be a winner. And you can't be a winner--comfortable and safe and in control--and stand with someone your society has designated to lose. So he chooses.

It's heartbreaking - and it is, sadly, terrifyingly, the kind of choices the majority of people make - his 18-year-old choices, that is. That moment in his life is the perfect one to write about, because it turns the eye of the story on how young people are shaped - but also, at that young stage, he's closer to the common ordinary people in any corrupt society. He's just trying to survive. It's later that his urge to win motivates him to get worse and worse and worse - no longer wanting to protect his family, in fact tossing Tigris aside, *only* wanting to win. Taking pleasure in driving people into the ground.

It takes decades of choices for him to become that person, though. And it is a creation he makes of himself. The younger person is closer to most people though.

For example, I live in a democracy, thankfully. And yet it is so much driven by what Langston Hughes called "the same old stupid plan / Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak." When I walk into work and I see the cops clearing unhoused people from the only homes and safety they have--a process that we know from studies shortens peoples' lives, hurts them emotionally and physically for no gd reason, just cruelty, just greed--living in an encampment near my work - I don't do anything. I'm afraid to. Sure, I try to donate to people who help and write letters and vote... but I don't resist directly. I'd be punished. So there's a little bit of that 18-year-old kid early in the book who knows right and wrong and yet just wants to be safe in me. And I have to wrestle with it. Because I don't want to ever forget that it's a wrestling match. That's when the perverse incentive structure starts to consume you IMO. And most of us live in societies with perverse incentive structures of some kind. Some lure that is offered to us, of feeling better than, of exploiting others, and some threats of punishment too.

To my mind, it's a good story that can make me think of feeling a pang of shame and sadness and then looking away as the cops clear people and remembering that it's a struggle, that I am not simply on the side of angels, that my society is structured around cruelty and greed and it doesn't have to be. It shouldn't be.

re: the use of trauma. I'm interested to see what Viola Davis does with the role and how Dr Gaul is adjusted in the film script - honestly, her apparent flatness was one of the things in the book I thought could be better? And in film reviews I'm reading it seems like they strengthened her. We'll see. I think she's so good at leaning into why all of this is justified because she truly believes it. And she's looking for future leaders who can truly believe it too. And, as much as she and Highbottom apply pressures to shape this youth--including that hilarious imo scene where Coriolanus naively says "people love children"--by the end Coriolanus is writing her letters and offering himself as someone who will fit that shape in order to get the rewards it offers. There's a subtle shift as that happens that is quite nuanced. And, again, focusing on his youth is so powerful because he's a being in formation, a person being created and creating himself as an adult.

There's a *reason* why Collins opens the book with this quote:

“I thought of the promise of virtues which he had displayed on the opening of his existence, and the subsequent blight of all kindly feeling by the loathing and scorn which his protectors had manifested towards him.” — Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818

Though, again, the major shift of Part 3 for me is that he begins to take an active part in forming himself and he is fashioning himself to be a winner, to fit what he believes Dr Gaul and the authorities at the military school want, hoping and fearing that he won't be able to do it so well and desperately happy when the chance at rewards for doing so is still open to him. IMO Part 3 and the Epilogue aren't the end of his journey, they're the death of other possibilities and the birth of who he's choosing to become. And even he can't fully imagine where that will go as the decades pass and the choices mount up.

That is not the kind of quote you use to begin a story about someone who was born evil to begin with. The book takes 528 pages even though it's only about a few months in one 18-year-old's life precisely because it's a carefully drawn and teased out character journey, a corruption arc. As reviewer David Ehrlich put it in his review of the movie:

is Coriolanus embracing his nature or defiling it?

It's supposed to be a question, not a foregone conclusion. And I think the weight of the text itself leans in favor of "defiling" as the answer. Though it can be interpreted multiple ways (as it should be). I think the movie only lines we have from Lucy Gray in the trailer hold true: "there’s a natural goodness born into us all.” But, in one way or another, it doesn’t just stay that way, it’s a struggle. “It’s our life’s work to stay on the right side of that line [between good and evil].”

It’s a little on the nose with the themes, but I’m cool with them having her be so clear about it since apparently it’s not clear in the book I guess????

[bonefall]

i would love to see more about bb!crowfeather, if you haven’t done a post about him already? (i tried digging but couldn’t find one, dunno if that’s just tumblr search being broken tho)

I'll make him a big summary post once I've settled on a design I like for him, I'm stuck up on if I want him to be smooth or spiky. So here's a little doodle page + some casual notes

Me: "I'm not a fan of projecting real world culture onto BB redux cats,and if I ever was giving a character an in universe accent it would specifically be to give the smartest character on screen a very thick northern english one to stick it in the face of the way southern english accents are associated with intelligence"

Also me: "but crowfeather is italian"

BB!Crow is pretty different from canon

My Crow is a very passionate guy, it's never lost from his young warrior days. Many of the late Po3/early OotS moments where Leafpool is confessing her love in front of his wife and children are from him to her instead

Mudclaw and Torear are some of the best cooks in WindClan during the late Thistle Period. Crowpaw was super close with his mentor Mudclaw, and picked this up from him

For the Great Journey, Crow mashed up his personal collection of mealworms to make tunnelbun rations for everyone

And SPEAKING of the Great Journey, he was already a warrior at the time. His name was Crowfoot, for his mom and dad

Both Dead and Ash were old friends of Bluestar, members of the forget-me-nots.

Ashfoot shared this with him when he was young, and also that Tigerstar was responsible for killing his dad

This feeds into some changes I'm making to have Crow be slightly less frustrating during the Journey. He's still angry, short tempered, and dramatic, but MUCH less openly antagonistic

Squilf and him are usually involved in food related escapades, youll see when I finish the notes of TNP

Feathertail's death changes everyone. Crow most of all.

Crow is an impulsive young warrior. He throws himself headfirst into things, often forgetting that he isn't the only person in the world who matters. Feathertail felt like cool water, reminding him how to slow down and take a breath

The romantic affection was mutual, but imo I don't think it would have lasted.

But no one will ever know if it will, least of all Crowfoot, who is convinced that they both died that day in the mountain

Tallstar’s final name is Crow's honor title; Crowfeather.

And then Leafpooooooool

When she ultimately isn't willing to, like, throw away everyone she's ever loved and go live in the wildnerness with him, Crowfeather loses his marbles, convinced now that Actually He is Unlovable

And still he gets with Nightcloud, thinking that he can't possibly be hurt any more, he must re-prove his loyalty after he vanished for a week... it really was a pretty knee-jerk choice he didn't think through and rationalized post-hoc

No consideration for Nightcloud here.

This post isn't about Nightcloud btw but she is actually pretty reduxed too. The fact she was involved in the raid to kill Onewhisker is politically relevant to Breezepelt later

And Breezy, poor fucking Breeze

Crow is a garbage dad. Breeze is really not in a good environment with him and Nightcloud.

Through points in Po3, before Breeze becomes the villain who kills Firestar and sees a redemption in AVoS, I am planning several moments to establish that Breezepaw is perfectly capable of being a loving cat if he was in a better life situation

To Crowfeather's benefit, age will do wonders on mellowing him out.

He does tend to struggle with compassion though, and remains a pretty harsh character for most of his life.

Crow wanted to be a Light in the Mist to even begin to apologize to Breeze, but Breeze knocks him out lmao no more Crowf worship thanks erins

Anyway. Onto design stuff

Hollyleaf and Breezepelt look a LOT like grandpa Deadfoot, but I'm not sure if I want Crowfeather to look a lot like him

I'm leaning towards him looking like Ashfoot detail-wise but have Deadfoot’s face.

Btw you can observe, here, the WindClan Tail Tuft.

Most WindClan cats have a lighter-colored tail tuft to help them be seen in tall grass, it's a feature like the ThunderClan Mane you may have noticed in a lot of my TC cats.

Ashfoot and Morningflower have a cloudy swirl on their tails, and a "whispy" sort of vibe. Deadfoot and his dad Chicorynose have a dragon-arrow.

Holly got the dragon arrow because She Deserves It

I'm fond of this redux lmao, let men be dramatic

[iraprince]

any advice for starting sketches? once i have a coherent foundation it's easier for me to work on the drawing but i struggle SO BAD with actually making my initial sketch something that makes sense. when i try to start the sketch it feels like im just trying to get lucky with something i can actually work on. it's like i cant transfer what i want to see in my head to the actual work and it's insanely frustrating. it's like i can only know what i want to do when it's already there, not when nothing is there. ive been drawing for over 10 years and this is something I've never been able to change no matter how many different ways I've tried to go about this and it's why ive gone everywhere from drawing multiple times a week to not doing it at all for months/years at a time. i never want to try because the process of attempting a new sketch is so frustrating a majority of the time and i wish i could enjoy it or know why i cant get my sketches started. it's fine when i do get lucky, it's just the blank page that torments me

hmmm this is a really good question. it's something i have an easier time with digitally than traditionally, somehow -- like, i can't tell you how many stacks of paper i have sitting around that are full of, like, 20% of a floating head because i keep getting that far on starting something and then deciding i hate it, vs with digital sketches i do still often scrap/give up on sketches very early but somehow there's less friction irt just making a new layer and trying again, over and over pretty quickly. maybe it's that digital feels faster + more ephemeral, vs w traditional i'm faced more confrontationally with the paper i'm "wasting," etc

also i think just like. "what's in my head will not show up on the paper" is just the universal problem forever, it's the tide we're always swimming against and we'll go through waves where it feels more or less true depending on the current development of our technical skill vs our critical eye, but i don't think it ever fully goes away

this is just what's true for me but if it always feels like you're just trying to get lucky, the fastest brute force solution for that is leaning into quantity, imo. draw a LOT, draw FAST, and -- easier said than done, but -- try your best not to CARE if they look bad. even in the shittiest drawing there is often something you can salvage for later. i can't remember where i saw it but i once saw it said that drawing is like a clogged pipe -- there's a bunch of shitty drawings stuck in there and you have to get those all OUT before you can expect the real stuff behind it to start flowing

lower the stakes, in whatever way you can. in my experience, it's not that drawing itself is really that hard or taxing -- it's that the emotional toll of doing drawings and then not being happy with them is hard, it's disappointment and being down on yourself that's hard. if we do our best to strip away all the emotional baggage, that's that part that can actually make art so grueling and difficult to keep up with imo. so try the best u can to just make it, like... not that serious. remind yourself over and over again that there's nothing actually wrong with making drawings you're not satisfied with. it's not doing anything bad to anyone. i literally mumble it to myself sometimes -- when a drawing is coming out shitty or i just can't get where i want to be on an illustration i say to myself "it's okay, that's fine" and try to pump the brakes on the negative thoughts before "ugh, that's not what i wanted" somehow internally transforms into "you SUCK and you're a HACK and there's no point to ANY OF THIS!!!!" lol

in terms of more concrete stuff to try -- one of my fav exercises to loosen up is song sketches. i put a huge playlist (usually like literally all my music, i have it all in a folder on spotify) on shuffle and then draw a bunch of quick sketches only for the duration of each song, and usually trying to match the drawing to whatever the song makes me think of -- so if it's a 2 minute song, i literally only have 2 minutes. if i hit some 7 minute club edit, then great, i have 7 minutes to bang out something slightly more polished. depending on how fast you're used to working, you may find that at first you struggle to get ANYTHING coherent down in 2-3 minutes -- that's OKAY!!! another point of this exercise is to acclimate yourself to making unfinished, incoherent, dogshit drawings without it being a big deal. the point is that if you're limiting yourself this much (in terms of actual drawing time AND in terms of not being able to overthink/plan, you have to hear the start of the song and decide what ur gonna draw IMMEDIATELY), you will end up churning out a lot more drawings without individually agonizing over each one as much, and there WILL be something salvageable in the pile.

i hope some part of this is helpful!!!! good luck!!!

[brambletakato]

Des(cole And/Or mond)

uhh,, ruh oh (prequel spoilers)

To be honest like 50% of my brainrot comes from both my campaign Des and the backstory for such which is VERY far removed from canon, but that doesn't mean I'm NOT insane about this man looking at him from the canon PL angle. Like I don't really know where to start?? Uhh

I think he's literally the perfect guy to analyze psychologically. Leon is a fucking nightmare to try and figure out, meanwhile Des has so many interesting twists and turns and themes to interpret (even if his character slightly gets a bit off-balanced in Eternal Diva)

Descole presents himself as calculative, cunning, smug, mysterious, and strong-willed. Within a presence, he keeps up his persona with an honestly charming dramatic flair that nobody asked for, which is already on the chart for what makes a character a viable blorbo for me

But when you take a look of who he was, who wanted to be, and who he could be, he quickly becomes such a morally complicated character.

Like really quickly I'm going to get this out of the way; I have a MASSIVE pet peeve to those that say Descole did nothing wrong. He did do a lot of fucked up shit, and I'm not excusing any of that. Removing the responsibility of his consequences would make his character bland imo. He's not morally purely black or white, but he's in a dark gray zone where, while he had a strict no-kill rule, he still inflicted harm on the people in his way and the homes they resided in. He isn't afraid to dabble into even human experimentation if it means to get to his goals, even if he has the greater good in interest.

So about the lighter morals of him, he still has a string of humanity in him. He isn't completely lost to corruption unlike Leon, but he isn't completely recovered like Layton. He still sets off on a self-destructive path to revenge, but he only allows himself to get set ablaze (in his pov, not in the outsider's perspective).

A friend said that he's still the little boy that ultimately wants his family back, whether that's his parents or his wife and daughter, and that AAAUGHHRHRA OUUUUGH :((( RGRR :CCCCCC

Speaking of, Desmond. Desmond was never meant to exist.

In his eyes, it would only be Hershel Bronev that died, and whatever comes later would be the host of his vengeance. But Desmond was soon given a meaning, a light elsewhere, tender hands and a fond gaze that said that they loved him. Suddenly he was somebody else. He was somebody else that started putting down books, that started to wish for something other than revenge.

And the fact that, even if once, he was a man that has felt what hope is like fucking KILLS ME... Sometimes I wonder if he even felt fearful of the thought when he realized he was starting to focus less on revenge. Suddenly, there was somebody that he was starting to care about, somebody that was there for him emotionally and physically, somebody that he so dearly wanted to lean on their shoulder and ask if everything will be okay. And the only time he felt that was with his previous family. The ones that were taken away.

He's almost shy to feel that sense of longing again, like a neglected dog feeling a gentle hand brush their head for the first time. It's intoxicating. It's fearful. It's so, so comforting. He wants more. But he is scared of being hurt again. Scared of losing somebody again. He's scared. Scared, fearful. It's all that controlled him. Fear and hate.

But he still tries, despite everything he sees, there's a part of him that still wanted to live, to experience, to love. There's a part of him that wants to break out of such a wretched life and to start anew, to finally lay rest of his woes. And he does, for a little while.

And the worst part was that he was right in the end. They too would be ripped away. And there was no more hope, no more Sycamore.

I'm an extreme advocate that Descole has existed for longer, not right after the death of his wife and daughter. He existed ever since his parents were kidnapped, ever since he lost Theodore. Descole never had a name, but he was there in concept. He was only put at the full front in full blast when he had truly lost everything.

This also means he can never be fully Desmond again by the end of Azran Legacy, if at all. He can never fully be Descole either, because there's nothing he can fuel on. He's just nothing. He's an empty husk. He says that a new adventure awaits, but what is there really? There is no point, no promise. He is aimless from then on. Perhaps his adventure is to find a purpose once more.

This is also why I REALLY want him to return in NWOS one day. Maybe his search for a purpose leads him right back to the person that was there when his life crumbled for the first time; Layton. Maybe despite his fear of loss, he still internally wants something to cling onto, because an aimless life would probably drive him to insanity or extreme biting mental torment. Or maybe he feels indebted to Layton in some way? Perhaps for his betrayal, perhaps for hiding their relation, perhaps for everything he has done.

He still did terrible things. Would Layton even accept him back into his life, especially after all of that? He is deserving to nobody. Eventually the consequences of what he has done will catch up in a terrible mental form. I really think that his self-esteem has been low, but it would ESPECIALLY plummet after everything.

(ahem uhh. side note if flora comes back in nwos, the two should come as a package deal and des should be the cool uncle that unofficially adopted her from layton, i think these two would benefit each-other in both a character and a psychological way COUGH COUGH also we need flora fencing COUGH COUGH)

I can ramble so much about the other little things like his thoughts about his parents (especially his mother), raymond, the brief and scary visit of familiar warmth when he was getting comfortable with the bostonius gang, etc etc but this post would be so god damn long

anyway so he's more-so a special interest than a hyperfixa--//dragged away

[bronx-bomber87]

Oh my lord where to begin…My adrenaline from that ep was sky high in the best way. First off the ep as a whole was fantastic I enjoyed every bit. Chenford had my heart racing the entire episode. This is the kind of angst I’m talking about. Where it drives them and their story forward. We got to have a glimpse into them dealing with Lucy as UC deep cover as a couple for first time. Having days apart from each other. It was fascinating and amazing to watch.

First off they looked like a BAMF power couple in the beginning at roll call my god. Tim ensuring his CI would be sure to take care of her cause he asked, and it was about her. That CI must’ve gotten some fierce protector Tim. Her calling it ‘Under Cover Love’ and him smirking. Loves this woman so much.

The flirting they had going on was primo. Her trying to check in on him emotionally and him combatting it with his version of flirting with her. His stupid in love smile when she calls him a jerk. I’m diabetic at how sweet this interaction was. Telling him not to watch top chef without her. I love the idea of them snuggled up binging shows together. Little glimpse into their non work life.

These chats on the phone gave me serious Alias vibes which made me happy. Show was my first love and ship. If you ever watched that show you’ll know what I’m referring to. The main ship was a handler and his agent. I was getting that from this mission and loving it. The fierce protector watching his love do her thing and trying to keep himself in check. He was visibly shaken by the possibility of Frank making a move on Lucy. Didn’t hide his feelings at all. He was twitching almost at the thought. Grey trying to help him rein it in. Poor Tim.

Watching his whole body reaction to her being ok after the drive by. The audible sigh of relief. Eric really crushed this episode with his reactions/facial expressions while she was in the field. Melissa too crushed this episode. The desperation in her voice when he suggests meeting up at her laundry room. She’s so eager to get to the one who centers her and make her feel safe. That hug was cathartic for them both. First time both of them could breathe.

The rest of that scene phew lord. If you needed their chemistry on display. Watch that scene. Lightning in a bottle chemistry these two. Eric and Melissa are so good at conveying so much by doing the smallest things. His facial expressions, the way she touches his jacket and leans into him. Wanting him to check in with her because he’s clearly shaken. Her confronting him with it. She knows he’s not ok and wants him to talk to her. He’s trying to do what Grey told him and treat her like any other UC.

The hitch in her voice when he tries to leave and she tells him to lock the door. My god. They legit had adrenaline filled I almost got killed laundry room sex. His smirk after she says it. I’m here for it. This ep delivered so much. I loved him bringing it back up later. After he knows she’s done. I was smiling so hard. One of the best eps of season IMO. Has so much goodness.

The cuteness of them at her apt. Her wanting sexy time with him before she conks out. Then poor Tim his PTSD from Isabel was showing hard. Saying how she would’ve unwound from an op. Lucy countering with what SHE would do. He’s still stuck in his PTSD when she asks about the ally arrest. Where he almost died. She wants to know these things Tim. Her calling him out on it. Saying she isn’t Isabel. She isn’t gonna react or decompress the same.

I love that she challenges him still. That hasn’t changed since they got together. Forces him to face what he’s feeling and tell her. This is the kind of angst I’m wanting and talking about. It’s productive and so good for them. Moves them forward as a couple. By her doing this he finally voices a fear of his. Her not listening when he wants her to pull away. Her reassuring she would never let it get that deep or far. Then the best line of the scene. Him voicing his deepest fear of all. Losing her the way he lost Isabel. Her reassuring him again and getting another cathartic hug in. So proud of him for telling her this. It was needed after last ep.

Hot damn this episode was good. Eric and Melissa were incredible solo and together. Their ability to command a scene emotionally whether that’s together or solo floors me. We’re so lucky to have them and get to watch them. I can’t believe this is the second to last episode, but I’m a happy camper said it all season. Could not be happier with this season if I tried. Anxious and excited to see what this finale will bring for them. ❤️