#they just didn't bother telling us how?
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|| I wish we had more knowledge about how Ignis managed to get the... 'good ending' so to speak. From what I've gathered from Dawn of the Future, then a part of Ardyn was trapped in the Crystal/the Beyond when he reached out for it as seen in his backstory, which is part of the reason why Noctis has to die to fully destroy the scourge.
It's been a while since I played Episode Ignis, but he does defeat Ardyn (at least partly), but he does this in the real world, so there should still be a part of his soul trapped in the Beyond – aka. Noctis would still have to die, but he doesn't, he survives.
Now, killing Bahamut is one way of fixing everything as seen in DoTF, but... someone still dies, Ardyn just becomes the sacrifice instead of Noctis... and Ardyn is a Lucis Caelum, so it makes sense that he's able to do it.
I'm trying to think of a way where nobody has to die to fix things – if that's even possible without killing Bahamut? But Bahamut isn't part of the scourge, really, he's just... part of the problem since he's willing to destroy all of humanity in DoTF. As they destroy Bahamut, the Crystal absorbs and cleanses the rest of the scourge, but again – Ardyn still had to go to the Beyond to do it, so.
Maybe if Noctis didn't have to waste energy on killing Ardyn in the 'real world' he wouldn't have to die and could somehow make his way to the Beyond and back without dying? But I partly think Bahamut also wants him to die because Noctis should, in theory, be really goddamn powerful after getting all that power from the old Kings and the Crystal.
#;munspeak#;long post#|| i'm rambling#and this got really long#i guess a way to go about it would just be... by making something up lmao#it's not like it has to follow canon but like... supposedly there is a way to go about it (as seen in episode ignis)#they just didn't bother telling us how?#unless i missed something which is very possible tbh
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can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)
i'm sure it'll be fine. :D
i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3
#tim: he WON'T show up okay?? and if he did i'd be FINE. dick thinks i'm gonna fall on my face if i do anything on my own ever#dick: that is not true!! that is NOT what i said stop putting words in my mouth#tim: i literally watched this entire city by myself for FOUR YEARS and don't say bruce was here because lots of the time he wasn't#dick: listen i am JUST SAYING that last year you almost DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH a lot#dick: and i personally rescued you from near-death experiences & you were not exactly helpful or forthcoming#dick: so sue me if i'd just like to clarify that i will at least get a PHONE CALL if something goes wrong#dick: as opposed to OH I DON'T KNOW you go off to fight jason or ra's al-ghul behind my back and then you almost DIE#dick: and i have to go chasing after you AFTER THE FACT because you didn't bother to explain to me the stupid thing that you were gonna do#tim: that was NOT stupid and -- i KNEW you were still mad at me about that --#dick (unconvincingly): i'm not mad at you (more convinced) YOU'RE still mad at ME --#tim (unconvincingly): no i'm not. (more convinced) look i get it you obviously think that i suck which fine WHATEVER --#dick: i never said that and i'm just asking for the basic professional courtesy of a heads-up!! the city's my responsibility so -#tim: i know you're on a power trip about this but gotham is actually MY city too so --#dick: excuse me i am NOT on a power trip. i'm BATMAN which means that --#tim: you sure are#dick: oh don't even go there - let me point out that ONE of us is being an uncommunicative jerk and it ISN'T ME --#tim: you are literally trying to micromanage how i do a milk run that i could do backwards with my eyes blindfolded --#dick: i'm not micromanaging!! nightclubs can be -- i have a NORMAL degree of CONCERN okay so --#tim: -- so either you're lying to me or you think i suck; how exactly am i supposed to tell you stuff if you don't trust me -#dick: what?! i trust you!!! i just --#tim: you just DON'T trust me??#dick (trapped): i trust you. i'm just saying. if for example the joker -#tim (defensive): who i could handle#dick: or jason -#tim: who i could also handle!!! try to be a little less condescending maybe#dick: oh come ON. look you're obviously kinda testy about me going out of town which fine whatever but i'm just trying to -#tim (testily): i'm not testy. what does that even mean 'testy'
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Something that just occurred to be is that is isn't extremely weird for Neku and Sho to only be allowed to use one pin at a time? Because we know for sure that in the og Neku was able to use six of them and we can easily guess that Sho could as well, given his Imagination level. It's likely that Beat could, too, but I'm not well versed enough in the og's gameplay to tell.
In any case, neither Neku nor Sho can use more than one pin at once. Another piece of dialogue from Sho also reveals that the level caps on the pins have been removed, making them usable by any player regardless of their level.
Those two factors are some pretty big changes—we see how surprised Sho is when he realizes the latter. My question is: how were they made possible?
There is no reason why Kariya or Uzuki, when in control of Shibuya, would make those changes. Joshua wouldn't have either, because they make no sense in Shibuya's Game. So that only leaves Shiba, who probably made them to fit Shinjuku's rules better. Only thing is, that Sho has been Conductor before, so he should have been aware that this was a possibility. Yet his reaction makes me believe that he never considered it possible (it is possible that he didn't consider it simply because he didn't think about it or because it wouldn't have helped him with his plans anyway, but I think he genuinely didn't know it could be done) which then leads to the logical conclusion of: only a higher power could've done this.
I believe Kubo's the one who made those changes to Shibuya's Game, or Shiba, but thanks to Kubo's powers—in any case, it's a intervention of the Higher Plane. Sho isn't stupid and probably guessed it right away. I am thus adding this to the list of hints he got in order to guess who was behind all of this
#Neku couldn't have followed the same logic because he didn't know that conductors couldn't do that#and Beat probably didn't even question it. the Game is fucked up already he can't really bother with theorycrafting#anyway yeah it's not very interesting but it just crossed my mind so i'm sharing it#i think it's fascinating how Kubo and Shiba altered the Game and what it tells about the differences#between Shibuya and Shinjuku and what their respective Games looked like and what their aims were#while Shibuya was focused on personal development (more refined souls could use more pins#and more powerful ones); Shinjuku is more akin to an arena or a circus where all the players have access to all weapons#and it's up to them to use them and make the show interesting before they inevitably die (or miraculously end up winning)#(even if in neo it was impossible Shoka's story explains that it was possible to win back in Shinjuku)#(the secret reports also add that Shinjuku is a game that's focused on killing as many players at once as possible)#anyway. twewy rules#twewy#twewy spoilers#neo twewy#neo twewy spoilers#sho minamimoto#tanzo kubo#neku sakuraba#shiba miyakaze
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Excuse me, Richard?? When were you ever gonna tell us!?!? Also...Rüde!?
#They got married and didn't bother to tell us??#paulchard is cannon..I found this in a real german phone book#ok jokes aside though...#please don't try and find this person's number and harass them though#I just thought it was kinda cute that there is a legit person with this name#paulchard#now I am just wondering if Richard decided to rename himself from Sven to Richard simply because his bestie Paul was Paul Landers#and he saw someone else being named Richard Landers and thought...well... my guitar bestie is kinda cute so..#I am joking! I am joking!......unless?#I am of course tempted to try and call this person but I doubt it's actually RZK answering on the other end so I won't make the call...#And again: neither should anyone of you!!#I just thought that it was cute how the 'guitar husbands' trope is even cannon when it comes to their names
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Guys. I did not know before now that writing could be painfully millennial in a full prose book but the pho*nix ke*per has proven me wrong and I have to complain about it in the tags
#k talks#weird astrix is because I don't want this showing up in the tag just in case#but I NEED To complain about this book real quick. I love a magical zoo that part was fun but good lord the main character....#I get what the author was trying to do with her arc and I will say the second half of the book is better than the first but Jesus christ#I hated the main character at the start she is SO annoying. not to be mean I know the whole point is her overcoming her anxiety#but like. I swear to God every two pages was just oooh I'm so awkward I'm such an introvert I'm such an awkward scrawny turtle!!!!#like CONSTANT. even worse though she's mean about it. for like half the book she's just so incredibly judgy at her public outreach job#she literally works at a zoo and has to learn hmmm... zoos need money??? zoos are also about... educating the public??? WHATT????#also it just felt so weird because she is constantly talking about how pale and skinny and pasty and scrawny and white she is#like constantly. and her best friend is a black trans woman who CONSTANTLY coddles and supports the mc in a very maternal way#and her love interest is latina-coded I'm pretty sure and is much more confident and opinionated and is literally described as fiery once#so like. hm! Okay! interesting! Interesting stereotypes going on tbh!!!#the mc learns some lessons and gets slightly less insufferable but like. also it was SO predictable I always knew what was gonna happen nex#and the writing style... like I said above it is MILLENNIAL and not in a fun way. the word boop is used several times. the humor is awful#the main character has multiple conversations about being so uwu bottom even though there's no sex in this book??? why??#and every single character description is repeated OVER and OVER with the same two details. SO much telling basically no showing#the writing was just so... quirky. ooooh look at me I'm awkward I trip over things I can't do make-up I love sitting on the couch!!!!#like. idk. obviously a lot of people really liked this book and I SHOULD have been one of them. Sapphic romance at a magic zoo....#but the execution was just so incredibly not my thing it actively pissed me off even if I can see what the author was trying to achieve#maybe I just don't like cozy fantasy. man. there was a bit where a guy should've gotten eaten by a kelpie but didn't. so maybe too cozy#for my tastes actually. which is weird I feel like I should enjoy cozy fantasy! especially about animals!!! but maybe this was just a fluke#anyways. to be clear I am not trying to make fun of the MC for having anxiety. just the overall way her social awkwardness was WRITTEN abou#really bothered me. idk man I'm a neurotic freak as well but I try to be NICE about it. and I have the correct zoo opinions. so.
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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Only in Croatia can the national post delivery company not deliver your post and then go and say "well ackshually our job is just to handle post, not deliver it to your doorstep☝️🤓"
#they just won't deliver that shit#i'm used to seeing a paper telling me to go to the post office to pick up my package bc i wasn't home when i was home#(the postman just didn't feel like it i assume)#but this is the first time i saw evidence of the postman not even bothering entering the building#how are you just gonna stick the notice that you show at the office to claim the package. on the outside. of the building door.
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it's so frustrating dealing with a friend that seems set on finding imaginary slights against their person and seethes in silence waiting for you to figure out what you did 'wrong' this time 🤦♀️
#this is the fifth time since october i've invited her somewhere to catch up and she said no#always with some excuse#which. sure. i can't verify#maybe the 8th time in the last year she refused for some reason or another#but there's only so many times you can give someone the benefit of the doubt#when she never initiates anything and just waits for us to ask her out#and if you don't happen to do that within the secret interval of time she is available and which she never discloses#she registers it as a slight#i'm so tired of these stupid mind games how old are you/??#also she is SO hard to get hold of. never answers anything on any messaging app for days on end including the weekends#even if the proposal is time sensitive#girl you are NOT that busy bffr#i remember we invited her to see barbieheimer and she did not freaking answer on time. as usual.#and we had to get tickets without her bc the time slots quickly sold out#and ofc she was pissed at us bc she's can't be bothered to reply 🤦♀️#she always is pissed even when it's clearly her fault#when she clearly sees the message bc she DOES check the apps whaddyaknow#and the one time we did manage to see each other she had the gall to propose that we go out more often!!!#and then never initiates anything and refuses everything#ik if i were to recount this to a third person they would tell me she already checked out of this friendship#it's so stupid#having to walk on these eggshells#bc we didn't even have a falling out she's just finding pretexts to become offended#that was been her modus operandi since the freaking pandemic#good lord the stories i have#lemonposting#anyway i'm bummed out now
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relatives need to stop believing that because we have some blood connection means that we have to drop everything for them and we should know if they are bothered by something via telepathy
#i learned from a friend that my cousin is bothered by me because she believes she is the only one who sends messages#for us to hang out#and she got a job in another city when she used to come and visit on holidays i used to tell her to go out and she used to tell me#i ll tell you later and never tell me#and now she expects me to know she is mad at me without telling me#and funny part is that since she clearly doesn't talk to me and i stop trying i hang out with my friends#and today its her birthday and i called to wish her happy bday and she told me that she will go out today if i want to join her#but i have already planned for today since.. you know if you dont talk to me or message me i think you just dont want to hang out like#how would i know if you want to celebrate today or tomorrow#and to me it looks like..oh you called so yeah you are invited because why not like i am a filling member idk how else to explain#and i told her that i have already planned so i won't be there but i will contact her if something changes#but of course nothing changed and i will go out and the thing is that i will be the bad guy#keep in mind that if my friend didn't mention that she is bothered i wouldn't know
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I love all of these goofy product photos where the water bottle is extremely obviously just photoshopped onto a stock image of someone pretending to hold something or whatever.. very convincing..
#the last one where the water bottle is like nearly the size of the woman's entire leg ghbjbjhh#ALSO I know.. gross.. nasty.. amazon.. I was only looking there because I was trying to find an exact replica of an old water bottle#I bought like 6 years ago in a store and I just wanted another one of those and it seemed like the only place the old manufacturer#still sold was through amazon but.. alas.. I think they just don't make them anymore. so I have abandoned my hunt#I didn't actually buy anything. but I did get distracted clicking through product images for a few of them#it's bizarre how like............... idk.. WHY is this done??? Isn't this offputting to basically ANY potential customer?? or do people#not look at every photo/read the entire page/all product information before buying??#all of these are from like front page ''top sellers'' or whatever like........... how does this not hurt the brand????#If the company can't even bother to take a single photo of a real life person using their real life product then... that to me#is kind of red flaggy..?? even if you're an indie start up small business with hardly any funds.. still#A real photo of the product you are selling in a real actual non-photo shopped environment does not seem that inacessible#Maybe it's because everyone does everything on phones now?? So it's harder to see the pictures when they're smaller?#Kind of the same thing with ai art and also hair color photoshops lol.. On my full comptuer screen it is SOOO easy to spot ai art#like IMMEDIATELy from the little tells and ways certain details morph into each other etc. I dont even mean obvious dalle mini stuff but#like the Fancy High Quality Photorealistic AI art is still pretty blatant 98% of the time if you know what to look for. But I still catch#people sharing it a lot like 'omg where can I buy this pair of shoes!! :O <3' .. erm you cannot.. that is the most balatantly fake looking#pair of shoes I have seen in my life hhjbj.. the heels are both different heights. there's a different number of straps on each one. etc.#AND that phase back before colored hair was Mainstream and people would post photos like 'omg going to bring this to the salon!! dream hair#and it's like.. you can LITERALLY see the parts where it's 'colored outside of the lines' and is so clearly just a person with blond hair#that someone drew over with a tint brush or something not even very neatly. etc. etc. ANYWAY.. Maybe with phones it's harder to tell these#things?? To me so much of it is instantly recognizable and it's suprising to me that people either don't notice or don't care and will#interact with it anyway by buying the product or acting like some ai art fake furniture is real or etc. etc. ..hewwoo#Aslo sidenote - I think I've become soo cynical and tired of constantly being advertised to that I literally cannot shop without getting#exhausted. I do not see how marketing is anything but obnoxious and transparent. Every item description having stuff like ''Our company is#commited to bringing you the highest quality water products! we set out with a mission to bring high quality products to people all over#the world and we believe in spreading health and happiness and'' just like SHUT THE HELL UP!! youre a fucking company#you don't ''beleive'' in anything you are here to sell a product. stop trying to talk like you're my bff who cares deeply about my health#or something just tell me the materials and product specifications of your stupid fucking water bottle and move on. Idont need to hear your#whole bullshit spiel about what ~your company stands for~ that is SO much MORE offputting. you make me want to buy the item LESS..#longing for the type of ads from my 1800s magazines that are just like 'this product is good. please buy it. okay thank you much. bye'
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does your doctors ever just drop something on you much later about your meds or your conditions and it explains a lot
#Like my seizure meds can make me dehydrated#I've been on them three years and just kinda chalked up being thirsty to ya know...needing water but nope Keppra can make you dehydrated#Or when I was taking sucrafate for 6 months before a Dr told me I had to take it several hours before eating BC IT PREVENTS UPTAKE#OF ANYTHING INCLUDING MEDS SO I BASICALLY WASNT TAKING MY MEDS FOR MONTHS AND WAS GETTING SICK AND DIDNT KNOW WHY#BC NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME I SHOULDNT TAKE IT WITH OTHER MEDS JUST NOT FOOD??#AND THE DOC DIDNT EVEN TELL ME INTENTIONALLY SHE JUST MENTIONED IT OFF HAND AND I WAS LIKE WAIT WHAT#SHE WAS SO SHOCKED NO ONE TOLD ME AND IT WASNT LISTED ON THE BOTTLE#I'm still mad about it I was getting extra seizures for months for no reason bc of an oversight#Since I got that info I've been taking my meds properly and I haven't had a seizure for almost a year#:)#Remember to ask every question you can think of and ask aggressively#Every interaction with other meds every side effect#You NEED to know you're not being pushy it's your body and health#ASK THINGS OF YOUR DR ITS WHY THEYRE THERE ITS FOR THE BEST#chronic illness#medicine#Medication#Even if you are being pushy it's your right to know everything about why and what they're giving you#I also thought Ativan was a neasua drug for a while bv they always give it to me in the er when I have a cvs episode#But it's for anxiety and they use it to put me out while the actual drugs work and that's okay!!!#But I didn't know so I stared asking for Ativan (and zofran) when I went in and got denied because they thought I was a junkie/on detox#For a med a doctor would otherwise order for my distress bc I didn't know better#Know your meds and know them well it can only help you in the long run#Keeping a list written or digital that you can show doctors also helps so they know how drugs can interact if your an er frequent flyer#Like me
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I keep being told that my grandma's neighbor's son is "weird" and "super autistic" and that I can't possibly be autistic because I never acted like he does. But here's the thing all I see when I watch him is a kid playing in the dirt. Like yeah OK most kids don't do that *nowadays* but like kids do weird shit. I'm told it's hard to talk to him. I assume that they simply aren't approaching him right. He may be shy! I don't care that he's somewhere between 7 and 11 years old he might just not like strangers. That's normal, kid shit. How different from me can he possibly be? He's human. I'm human. He's a child. I was a child. I bet if I talked to him and found out his interests, I could have an easier time talking to him than the people telling me he's "strange" ever could. You just have to know how to interact with kids. It's amazing that I know you talk to them about their interest while actual parents don't when I will freely say I don't want kids. How am I better equipped to treat them like humans? Also, the little boy seems like he's going to grow up and be a perfectly okay person who'll do just fine in whatever field he chooses. I don't know his interests, so I can't say what that'll be, but I'm sure he'll do great.
#please note: i do not hate children i just do not want to bear them#i will however throw hands for any child#like. don't use a child to tell me i can't be autistic and then show me behaviors i remember having#“ooooo he digs in the dirt” fuck off i did that too. that's how a lot of kids play outside#“oooooo he's hard to talk to” yeah he's a kid and you haven't bothered to try to learn his interests. he's probably shy#like guys come on#i know i befriended strangers as a four year old but like i enjoy how people react to things. of course i did that. i thought it was funny#like i was a four year old who knew the weird thermodynamics and looked two.... why wouldn't i amuse myself with that?#this kid doesn't have that ability#he looks his age#so people aren't entertaining#therefor why use them#my siblings didn't befriend adults like i did#i was the most social#like i look at this kid and see my brother so i don't get why everyone keeps telling me he's soooooo different from me#anyway#rant over#some people just don't want to admit to anything i swear
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Sex scenes don't bother me as much as kiss scenes. When the characters are making out in a way that indicates it will lead to sex, I'd scream at the screen "Just take off your pants and start grinding under the covers already!" because I cannot watch them mash their mouths together for another second.
That being said, I'm not a huge fan of sex scenes because firstly—I can't take the movements seriously, and if there's sound effects, there's also a high chance of me laughing. Secondly, the squishiness of the human body is another thing I can't take seriously. When I first watched the Only Friends trailer, and I saw that scene where Sand thumbs Ray's tattoo, I thought it was a butt tattoo because of the way the skin bounced in slow-motion, but no, it's actually a hip tattoo; the human skin is just that springy on every part of the body. While everyone was going crazy because of the tattoo-touch, I'm laughing because the bounce was so pronounced.
Basically, kiss scenes ick me out while sex scenes are comedy.
omg that sounds like such a fun way to experience sex scenes tho!! i wish my reaction was more like that rather than convulsion. i'd much rather experience a comedy show tbh dfjkkdgj
also interesting point you bring up about the human body being so squishy. i never really thought about it but yeah. human bodies are just so weird?????? actually, only the other week i was talking with another friend (who's likely also ace-spec) about just how humans (and tbh even animals) will just have things dangling from them?? whether it be genitalia or boobs or whatever. like, those body parts are just... hanging there?? and technically even your arms but at least you can control those. meanwhile my boobs will just bounce depening on what movements i make and i can't control them and they're just hanging from my chest while i go about my life. like, why?? i want dog boobs where you mostly have just the nipples and they only really get big when i have an actual child to feed (i know human breasts also swell when they fill with milk during a pregnancy, but why do i have to have two balls of meat hanging from my chest even when i'm not pregnant?? who thought of this design??). coming back to your point of the human body being so squishy and actually yeah, i'm realizing now that i can't take it seriously when people talk about how hot boobs are precicely because boobs are so squishy and also so wobbly and just. how is this not funny to people? dkdfjdjfk
and lmao i remember everyone going crazy over the tattoo!!!!! i realized right away that it's on the hip but maybe that was bc i remembered the placement of it from the eclipse. which is also why that scene didn't make me laugh, i was actually too busy trying to read what it said bc in the eclipse we never got to see that tattoo up close enough in order to be able to read it. so while everyone was freaking out i was just sitting in my corner like "omg so the tattoo says 'beautiful'???" i'd been wondering about it for a year ever since the eclipse, so i was just excited to finally know what it says bc i'm a nosy ass bitch lmao
anyway, i love hearing about your experiences. it's so fascinating how varied the ace experience can be and how specific things affect everyone differently. and i think it's also cool to hear what things other ace people pick up/focus on while the allosexuals are busy drooling over whatever is happening on screen dkjkdkjg
the kissing... idk, i can't tell you why it doesn't actually bother me that much or why i might even enjoy it. although i do have to say, the act of kissing does look extremely weird. sometimes (usually during longer kiss/make-out scenes) i'll be sitting there and suddenly it'll hit me that "actually kissing looks SO strange, whose idea was it for kissing to be a thing??"
sometimes in my head the kissing just conjurs up the image of a fish opening and closing it's mouth, like so:
except, you know, kissing involves two people so in reality it's more like:
#i hope you don't mind that i'm publishing this on my blog again!#i'm just thinking it might be interesting for other people as well to read about our varied experiences#do let me know if you want me to go private (or just hop straight into my dms <3)#asks#actually a random memory popped into my head while i was writing this#remember how in my other reply i said kiss scenes sometimes bore me?#actually in the first and only relationship i've been in i actually would sometimes pretend to be asleep#(even though i struggle with sleeping and can fall asleep during the day ONLY when i'm sick or under a serious lack of sleep)#i pretended to be asleep to avoid my then-bf turning the cuddling session into a make-out session#bc making-out just bored me so much as an activity lmao#(it didn't necesserily bother me or gross me out but yeah i just thought it was insanely boring)#(i still went along with it the way you'd sit through your friend's fave movie even tho you personally find it super dull)#(bc i didn't have the heart to tell him i wasn't all that into it dkfjkdg)#(actually he once made a comment how ''the two of us couldn't go a day without kissing each other!!'' and out loud i agreed#but in my head i was like ''oh i EASILY could 🤭🤭🤭'')#(again i didn't say the truth bc he was a really sweet guy and i just didn't want him to feel upset at my lack of enthusiasm about him)#to this day i have no idea if the guy was the problem bc i didn't have strong enough feelings for it or if it was bc of my asexuality#i didn't know about asexuality back then but if i'd known i might have figured it out right then and there that i was ace lmao#(it took another 2 years until i got there)
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Pacing back and forth rapidly rambling to my parents like a mad man trying to figure out whether or not I experienced sexism at film school today or if these guys are just assholes in a different way
#ramblings of a lunatic#like they made a couple comments about how one woman in the department (who's always stressed bc she has a busy job)-#-clearly doesn't ''like guys'' and gave them the wrong equipment to set them up for failure (??? okay???)#and proceeded to organise things so that. none of the other members (who were all girls and here's where i can't tell if it's coincidence)#-had ANYTHING to do on set. like didn't ask them to set up tripods (we all went to thr class where you learn to set up tripods...)#didn't ask them even to hold things or plug things in (they did ask me but only bc i spoke up and volunteered multiple times)#didn't even really talk to us much bc they were off in their own world setting up equipment (that we didn't need btw)#and i can't tell if they were just really focused or being exclusionary!#and i don't think there's a clear answer to any of this. if it did happen it's almost definitely unintentional.#it might've just been bad optics. again unintentional. and i don't know how the other girls felt or if they were bothered#so i can't claim to speak to collective experience#I'm just. I'M JUST PACING WONDERING IF I'M CRAZY#also i told them the one day i was available was today and they showed up and proceeded to have nothing for me (or any of the girls) to do#and now i don't even know what i could do. maybe ask the editor if they want an edit assist bc that's one of the roles#siiighhhh#also feel it's important to mention that one of the guys was on the autism spectrum#so i can't tell how much of it was exclusion bc he thinks he's the only one competent enough to do these tasks (and that coincidentally-#-the only other guy in the group is also the only one competent enough to help him)#or if he was just having a relatable social ineptitude moment where he didn't realise the rest of us felt useless and excluded#and i don't know how much that context effects the end result BC I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS REAL OR IF I'M JUST A HASHTAG FEMINAZI SJW LIB#UGH#(use of the word feminazi was ironic parody of the way sexists speak pls pls pls don't think i ever talk like that irl)
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I would like it very much if my apartment complex would stop shutting off the fucking water with zero prior notice.
#second day of this#I am Displeased.#also they haven't sent out pest control reminders so idk if the bug guy's coming out today or not#my apartment is still a depression disaster zone#which I have been trying to remedy but surprisingly it's hard to do your dishes when your WATER KEEPS GETTING TURNED OFF#yesterday it was just the hot water#and boiling a kettle repeatedly for wash water sucks#and today it's just all of the water#full stop#they're doing some sort of work on a main line in this building#but they didn't bother to tell us what#or how long#didn't even get a text about it yesterday until two hours after I called the office to be like hiiiiii my hot water is off#and then they sent out a 'water is off in 3 buildings while maintenance replaces a part#will be back on within half an hour.'#nnngh
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