#they have to go through an uphill battle of asking and questioning and expecting the worst

[arctic-bookclub]

both q!fit and q!tubbo keep explaining away q!phil's absence in ways that dismiss any possible alarm, tubbo with meta (phil playing hardcore) and q!fit thinks he's on a vacation again and keeps calling him lazy,, i knew q!phil was going to have to escape on his own regardless of if anyone noticed his absence or not because there's no way for anyone to even guess where he is, but now he'll be escaping alone only to come back to no one worried about him and calling him lazy for being away for so long

[sonofatoasterwaffle]

still the one

Buck’s just arranged himself on the couch when Eddie comes out of the bathroom. He looks soft and tired and a little raw, his hair damp. It hurts to look at him so Buck doesn’t. 

He knows he’s not good at keeping any of this inside. Though, he did try throughout the evening, because that seemed best for Christopher. Too bad that kid is smarter and more emotionally evolved than both of them and bailed for his room right after dinner. Their son had stacked the dishes in the sink before informing them that their “vibe was off” and that he’d be in his room doing homework until it was time to play Apex with his friends. 

Thirteen is proving to be a fun age. 

Eddie had tried again, then. “I never said you did something wrong—"

Buck had cut him off, because bullshit, and Eddie needs to stop repeating that. “It doesn’t matter that you said the words ‘you didn’t do anything wrong’ because you went on to describe exactly how you think I was wrong!” 

And they were down the rabbit hole again. 

But now it’s late. The dishes are done and the kitchen is clean and bags are packed for school and work tomorrow. They’ve gone through all the motions of getting ready for bed, both checking in on Christopher even though he insists he’s too old to be tucked in these days. And there’s nothing else to busy themselves with.

Buck’s stomach roils with feeling out of place and uncomfortable somewhere that’s always felt like home. They’re married now. Buck gave up the loft months ago. There’s nowhere to run. And Buck has nothing to say that isn’t ugly and twisted up and bleeding.  

Eddie seems to have fewer qualms. “Do you need space?” 

That… Buck wasn’t expecting. “What?” 

Eddie sighs, takes a step closer. “From me. Do you need space from me tonight?”

Honestly, Buck doesn’t know what he needs. He just knows that he’s needy and clingy as a general rule and they’re already fighting and it feels sour and unwieldy in his chest to still want to be wrapped in Eddie’s arms despite all the unresolved things they said. He just knows he doesn’t want to make things worse. “I thought, uh… I assumed you might.” 

Eddie shakes his head. “Come to bed?” 

“Do you— are we—?” Buck’s not sure how to ask, but he’s definitely sure he can’t keep talking about this tonight. 

Not without saying those strangled and hurt things that he doesn’t completely mean. Probably won’t mean at all come morning. Buck knows people say you and your partner shouldn’t go to bed angry. But continuing this uphill battle when he already feels exhausted and cornered and defensive like a scared animal sounds like hell. 

Eddie answers the question even though Buck couldn’t ask. “Nah, I think we should table it. Talk tomorrow when we’ve had some time. Just…” he looks at the floor. “Could we maybe just be mad next to each other?” 

The knot of tension in Buck’s stomach lessens just a little at the thought that Eddie still wants him. Even though they’re arguing. Even though it feels like they’re talking in circles and getting nowhere. There’s something in knowing that they have more work to do, but that they don’t have to do it all tonight. That there’s time and that maybe tomorrow it’ll feel better. Less raw. Easier to communicate. 

“Yeah, okay.” Buck says finally, taking his pillow with him as he follows Eddie to his—their— bedroom. 

Buck rounds to his side of the bed, tosses the covers back. Eddie always sleeps closest to the door. At first, Buck had thought maybe it was an anxiety thing. Needing to have an exit. Had even made jokes about it whenever they slept away from home and Eddie still picked the side closer to the door. “Just in case you need to make an escape?” 

Eddie would chuckle, but say nothing, a slight blush rising in his cheeks. 

Buck marked it down as just a little quirk of Eddie’s, thought little of it. Until they visited El Paso together for the first time last summer, and Ramon made a passing comment about how he always puts himself between Helena and the door, no matter where they’re sleeping. “Anything that comes through that door would have to go through me, first.” He’d said, half joking, kissing Helena’s cheek. 

It had made Buck’s heart swell in his chest, and he’d caught Eddie’s eye just in time to see him blush again, offer a slightly sheepish grin. 

Now, it makes Buck melt a little every time they get in bed.

He’s not a small man. In fact, he’s got a few inches on Eddie and definitely more bulk. But the fact that Eddie thinks about it like that. Like Buck is something precious to be protected? Buck can’t fault him for it. It’s romantic if a little traditional. It makes Buck feel secure.

Even tonight, the steady repetition of getting into bed on their respective sides settles something in Buck. He’s still upset. He still wishes Eddie would see it his way. He still needs to find a way to explain this to Eddie in a way that he’ll understand so they can figure out how to deal with it. But they get to take a break. They get to try again tomorrow. 

They don’t get as close as they normally do, mindful of each other’s space tonight. Eddie’s facing away from him, arms pulled in when they’d usually start out sprawled over each other. But after Eddie turns off the lamp, after he settles into the mattress and pulls the covers over his shoulder, he reaches out with one foot, hooks an ankle over Buck’s calf. “I love you.” 

That knot untangles just a little bit more. “Love you, too.” Buck replies, shifts the leg Eddie’s snagged a little closer to the middle of the bed. “See you in the morning.” 

It’s a promise. An offered touch of legs under the blankets of his own. It’s not everything. But it’s enough.

Also on AO3

[donnerpartyofone]

So I'm going to start my evaluation for ADHD tomorrow. I saw my GP for an annual checkup today, at the end of which I burst into tears and told her I needed a psych referral. I think of myself as a tough person and I hate how often I have cried in front of a doctor--but anyway, she surprised me with the information that they do this evaluation right there in the office. I thought I would have to go to some special, overbooked clinic. She asked me a couple of questions about what I'm experiencing and how long do I think it's been going on (always), and then she volunteered that ADHD is often missed if you don't match the superficial details of the stereotypical criteria meant to describe hyperactive little boys. I was so relieved that she was conscious of this already, and I wouldn't be fighting an uphill battle against prejudice, and I'd be seeing a professional who knows me a little bit already. I told her that I have a lot of really good things happening for me right now, but they're hard to enjoy because just getting through the normal routines of daily life is so impossible. I told her how lost I got on the way to her office even though I've been there a million times (I got lost going home, too). I told her about some other stuff and she agreed that it really sounds like ADHD, but if her evaluation doesn't pan out then she'll help me with a referral for an autism evaluation (which I might need anyway).

As I was checking out I had a mini panic attack because when I asked what to expect tomorrow, the receptionist just told me to come with a full bladder for a piss test, and then she suggested I'd be there for about 20 minutes. I was worried that I was being booked for the wrong thing; there's no way they're going to assess me for ADHD in 20 minutes with a cup of pee, right? Isn't this supposed to be like a whole involved process where they might wanna interview my dad and stuff? I thought it took a long time for a to even get seen? I was stressing out about this until I thought to look at the stupid app their office uses to communicate with patients and the listed reason for tomorrow's appointment was "ADHD FIRST VISIT". Oh, OK. There's more visits, that sounds more normal.

Anyway. Thanks to everybody who has spent so much time listening to me and giving me information and context and personal anecdotes to help me triangulate what I've been going through. It seems weird to publicly tag people for this so I won't, you know who you are. I may reblog this once or twice so it gets seen.

[chaosquetzal-archive]

Chapter 2: Acceptance

Rika stared down the street from the Guild’s front door. She had given in to temptation after being downwind of the grilling meat for so long. Draco had offered to go grab a pair of kebabs for them, and Rika had obliged. However, Rika was hesitant at first.

All Rika had was questions. How could she not? Draco, a Dragonewt she met mere minutes ago, claimed to be the Devil Dragon. With a smile, no less! The Devil Dragon is a monster from a 2000 year old story. It was supposed to be dead. This clearly is a lie.

Rika was worried that if he said that to the guild members they wouldn't take it as lightly. There had been kidnappings recently, leaving many townsfolk on edge. Some wanted to postpone the festival, but knew that if they did thousands of attendees would be discouraged. Zvi Village is one of the only cities in western Arcfell to allow Demi-human residents.

Still, almost no one in this city is a fan of Dragonewts. Zvi Mountain Range was the last place the Devil Dragon was sighted. Monsters poured out of the mountains, destroying this place when it was just a fledgling town. Bandits pillaged all their valuables in the chaos.

Soon after, Devildra Cultists, worshippers of the Devil Dragon, came and tried to take over the village. They claimed it as sacred ground. Zvi Village had been laid to ruin because of the Devil Dragon. Anyone who claimed to be the Devil Dragon would surely be driven out of here, if not showcased for execution.

Dragonewts were also banned from entry until 200 years ago. Even still, many had come and gone, causing trouble wherever they went.

It would be an uphill battle for acceptance to be sure. Still, if Draco joined with Zvi Adventurer’s Guild, he could have a better chance.

Rika closed her eyes. She was also still upset that Draco had called her “Red”. It’s not that she had not heard that nickname before. Only one person had ever been brave enough to mention Rika’s hair color as quickly. That person was killed when she was little.

Supposedly they were sacrificed by Devildra Cultists. Burned to where not even bones remained. The worshippers were captured and executed, so they received justice.

“Hey Red! I got you a kebab!” trailed a voice from above.

Rika opened her eyes skyward. Draco flew down with a single skewer in hand. It still seemed piping hot, so he must have rushed over after getting it.

“Wait, I thought you were getting me one too? And what took so long?” Rika inquired.

“There was a massive crowd in front of the booth. I helped the grillers get everyone organized. They sold out quicker than expected, so there is no meat left,” Draco replied, giving her the skewer.

Rika grabbed it, and began delighting in the flavors. Each chunk of meat had a different taste that complimented every other. While finishing up, she looked over at Draco and noticed he wasn’t eating anything.

“Did you eat yours on the way here?” Rika said through the food.

“No. Like I said, there was no meat left. That was their last skewer for today.”

Rika stopped. She did not know what to make of it. Draco went off to get a skewer too. Yet he gave her the last one instead?

“I’m sorry, I… didn’t realize. I’ll get you one tomorrow as thanks. I promise.”

“Don’t worry, I got asked to get more for them. It would be a good way to earn my keep with the town!” Draco proclaimed, “For now, let’s get me registered with your guild, Red.”

“Don-... Yes, let’s.”

The pair walked into the Zvi Adventurer’s Guild Hall.  ______________________________________________________________

Draco was astonished at the interior of this building. He hadn’t been anywhere as interesting in a long time.

Looking around, he saw humans, elves, beastkin, lizardmen, and featherkin. They all seemed to be having fun talking about the festival.

Rika led Draco up to the front desk to where he saw a Deerkin woman. Her small stature was unassuming at first, but Draco could feel an overwhelming amount of magic from this person. Draco and Rika walked up to the desk. The Deerkin ducked behind as soon as she saw the pair.

“S-sir, a-a-are you going to just k-keep staring at me? R-R-R-Rika, who is this? And why are their eyes slitted?” the Deerkin peeped from under the desk.

Draco was not aware his eyes were slitted. That only happens when he is on alert. Draco blinked as his eyes returned to normal.

“Cinnamon, this is Draco. He wanted to join our guild.” Rika introduced.

Cinnamon got up from under the desk slowly. Draco could now see that she is clearly skittish. As far as he was aware, Dragonewts still rarely leave their villages. Seeing one is a rare sight.

Draco approached, “I understand you’re scared Miss Cinnamon. I am letting you know there is no need to be. I am friendly enough not to bite your head off.”

Cinnamon immediately flew back under the desk. From under there, some papers were placed on the counter.

Her voice echoed, “P-p-p-p-p-please fill these out. We will have to conduct a combat test after the festival. H-however, we can get you registered now. G-go have a seat and I’ll come grab the papers after you leave.”

“Thank you? I will do it at this close table.” Draco said, not understanding what went wrong.

Rika said she had to let the guildmaster know about the caterpillars, then she could go hunt some boars with him. As Draco sat down to fill out his forms, some of the others got up and walked over.

“Hey you. You said you wanted to join this guild?” asked the front member.

Draco got up to face them, replying cheerfully, “Yeah, I wanted to join a guild but none ever felt right! After all, some aren’t as accep-”

“Get out.”

[intercoursefluids]

WDIB Chapter 17

Marinette sat back against the headboard, pillow pulled to her chest as she listened to Damian explain what had happened, along with a few interjections by Jon, who she now knew as he long lost brother.

Long lost twin brother.

Apparently, they both had their dad’s (Her biological father’s) eyes. Which explained why they were so painfully familiar; she saw them every time she looked in the mirror.

“We were operating under the assumption that you were aware of the situation and wanted to come with us. It wasn’t until we met face to face that we realized we were wrong in that assumption.” Damian said, running a hand through his hair. “For what happened after, I’m sure Alya will want to be the one to tell you, or you can find the video online.”

“Video?” Marinette asked looking up with wide eyes.

“Yeah, what video?” Jon asked, a confused frown covering his face.

Damian glanced between them before sighing.

“Right, neither of you were awake for that. Long story short, someone filmed your akumatization, Marinette. Me and Alya tried to get it taken down, but it’s been an uphill battle. It’s being reposted faster than we can get them taken down.” Damian explained.

“Oh.” Marinette replied.

She should have expected this, akumatizations were never a private affair. It sucked, but she couldn’t exactly oppose to it.

It’s not like she was the only person who was thrust into the public eye because of an akumatization.

“How bad was it?” She asked, remembering how catastrophic some of the battles had been.

Damian pressed his lips together, pulling out his phone.

“Do you want to watch the video?” He asked, slowly unlocking his phone.

Marinette hesitated for a moment, she’d never been comfortable watching akuma videos, it had felt invasive but, this was her video…

In the end, she said yes.

Marinette accepted the phone from Damian, ignoring how desperately Jon was trying to pretend he didn’t also want to watch and opting to just tilt the phone so they could both watch.

It wasn’t violent, which she had been expecting, but it was still… Haunting. In its own right.

It looked like she was drowning, trapped underwater and not even caring.

Watching herself turn Alya into a completely lifeless doll made Marinette feel nauseous.

It wasn’t until the video ended that Marinette turned her attention back to Damian, one question burning in her mind.

“Did I… Is Hawkmoth?”

“From what I could understand, yes. The heroes haven’t announced anything publicly, but it seems likely.”

Marinette slumped, disbelief coating her entirely.

Hawkmoth was gone.

Hawkmoth was gone and she had been the catalyst for it.

She didn’t know what to do with that information.

“What is everyone calling her? My akuma?” Marinette asked, arms hanging limply by her sides.

“Princess Serenity.” Damian answered.

Well.

She’d certainly heard worse.

In her disbelief, Marinette almost missed Jon’s question.

“Who is that?” He asked, pointing to the lump on the chair.

Damian looked over curiously.

“Oh, that’s Adrien. Adrien Agreste.”

Marinette was going to puke.

Come Find Me In The Maribat Discord!<3

[astrxlfinale]

Jace, can I just say that the very first post that you make every day always lifts my mood and puts a smile on my face? It's so evident that you have so much fun on that dear boy, and it's so very contagious. I end up reading almost everything you write, no matter if it's ooc posts, gameplay things, threads, meta, the whole shebang. I just had to leave this here as a little note, in hope it also brightens your day. But thank you. You remain an absolute delight!

The way I frickin screamed due to your ask timing. Considering how much you've made this heartfelt post.

And the peach agenda just happened to be what I posted just mere moments before. FSDAFNDUSINGFs

But okay! Lemme go and get form fitting and appreciative boots on!

Let ME be the one to give some good honest thanks in kind for your loving words here Sae. I'm glad that acclimating into the Star Rail side of things have been more solid than I first imagined. It's not too often I join fandoms at the 'starting' mark so to speak, so I expected it to be an uphill battle!

Yet here Caelus was hitting my personal favorite character archetype of golden hearted (and passion strong) delinquents. It was just a framework I personally felt very excited to get into again. As much as I've experimented with characters, character types and giving a wide branch a genuine shot, in many ways it feels like leaning into this vein of character just feels like home irregardless of the RPC I'm in.

Often times whenever you see me hop around here, the first thing I prioritize is having some good fun, in expected or outright unexpected ways. It makes me pretty excited to just interact in general, to make personal character stories through my shared threads alongside of the game's content itself. Being one of the personifications of the Trailblaze, which often means being a guiding force for adventure just-- it hits so many things for me too? I love the as a general premise for rps.

Much as I love my character connections and depths, a world and it's lore, how it mirrors and bounces off the core concept and characters is just part of the formula for me. As it stands, the varied range that Star Rail introduces to me has gradually reignited my vigor to just go and mold some of my own works out here, and hope everyone who come and chills wit hem can have a genuinely good time themselves.

I'm also glad that at some point of the day, it just gives you a fun read. Whether for a laugh or just to ponder something about the series in question, and urge you to also maneuver you own craft of character study into the mix as well!

Genuinely? That's what the hobby is all about for me at the end of the day. I just want to come on and goof off with people, and to curate this particular space so people get the idea they're just hanging out at a table where they can screw around in kind.

Fite me for putting a smile on my face.

@orchideae out here getting a guy in the feels!

[likecastle]

Ronance Femslash February - postmarked for January

Thank you again to @marbledswissroll for the prompt “postmarked for january.” I tweaked the wording a little because I couldn’t quite work it in as it was originally phrased, but hopefully it’s close enough!

I’m accepting Ronance prompts all month for Femslash February. I have a few more prompts in my inbox, but I’ve still need a few more to get me through the end of the month, so please send them my way! Anon asks are totally fine, and you’re welcome to send more than one prompt. Don’t be shy! You can find previous prompts I’ve filled here.

Robin is putting up a flyer for the marching band fundraiser when Nancy Wheeler walks into the post office, carrying a manila envelope so carefully it might as well be the Declaration of Independence. For a minute Robin thinks they’re both going to do what they usually do when they cross paths at school, and pretend they didn’t throw a metric ton of fireworks at a monster made of liquefied people last summer, but Nancy meets her eye with a tentative smile, and Robin realizes she must want an audience for this momentous occasion.

“College application?” Robin asks, and this conversation already feels like an uphill battle. She should have just pretended not to see Nancy, or faked amnesia, or something.

“Yeah,” Nancy says, with a little shrug that Robin’s sure is supposed to seem modest, but she can tell Nancy is pleased with herself.

“Got your heart set on someplace special?” she asks, because she knows Nancy wants her to ask.

“Emerson,” Nancy says, with more starry-eyed enthusiasm than she’s ever said her actual boyfriend’s name. “My mom and I did a bunch of campus visits in September, and I just fell in love. I sort of thought I’d go to NYU, maybe Northwestern as a backup, but after I sat in on a class at Emerson, I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. And hopefully I can get an internship at the Globe, or—” She pauses, looking charmingly chagrinned, though Robin notices that her hands are clenched tight around the corners of the envelope. “Sorry, I’m rambling.” She gives another one of those sweetly self-effacing shrugs. “Are you . . . applying anywhere?”

Robin tries not to read too much into the question, because if she did, she’d have to hear the implication that Nancy isn’t sure if Robin’s cut out for college, despite the fact that they have AP English and French Club and Trig together. Or maybe she just doesn’t think Robin’s family can afford to send her to school—which is a lot closer to the truth. She’ll be holding her breath about scholarships until April. “Just IU,” she says. “But not early decision, so the application doesn’t have to be postmarked til January.”

Nancy’s eyes widen, and if Robin didn’t know better, she’d say Nancy looks worried on her behalf. “You don’t think you should apply to a couple more schools, just in case? Not,” she adds quickly, “that I think you won’t get in, it’s just . . .”

Robin shrugs, trying for a carelessness she doesn’t really feel. “If I don’t get in, I’ll just use the money I’ve been saving for tuition on a trip across Europe. Just, you know, stay in hostels and sleep on people’s couches until my funds run out. I mean, I might do that even if I do get in.”

“Oh,” Nancy says, and her cheeks, Robin thinks, are faintly pink—from shock at Robin’s cavalier attitude, no doubt. She expects to get another little lecture about responsible choices, but what Nancy says is, “That, um . . . sounds nice.”

“Who knows,” Robin adds with a grin, “maybe I’ll bring Steve with me to be my chauffeur. Oh my god, he’d get so pissy about European traffic, don’t you think?”

“Right.” Nancy’s expression is tight, and Robin realizes too late that she’s crossed some line she shouldn’t have. “Well, I should—get this in the mail.” Nancy gestures toward the counter with the envelope, which is significantly bent at the edges now. “I’ll, um—good luck. With your application.”

“You, too,” Robin says, but Nancy is already turning away.

Robin tries to imagine it—Nancy walking with an armful of books across some perfectly-groomed campus green. Robin’s never been to Boston—never been anywhere, really—but she imagines brick buildings covered with ivy, students with sweaters tied over their shoulders talking about spending their summer vacation at Martha’s Vineyard, wherever that is. It doesn’t fill her with jealousy, exactly. It’s not what she wants for herself, but she does envy Nancy that her future seems so clear. She’s a star student applying early decision to the school of her dreams, and Robin wonders what it must feel like to be sure that she’ll get in, that she’ll be able to afford it, that she’ll get everything she wants.

[seyaryminamoto]

hey hopefully these aren’t too many questions but im asking mostly because I forgot if you had said so, how is our favourite couple currently where you’re writing & how far ahead are you compared to where the readers are at? and finally how many parts will Gladiator be? I’m sure you have said it already but Im sure I have forgotten!!

Well, they're a fair amount of questions, haha, but that's fine :D

I'm still around 50 chapters ahead, but I've had to invest most of my time into art exclusively over the past weeks, it's why I haven't been able to write as much as I usually do. I was at a 60~ish chapter advantage, I'm not doing double updates atm so that the gap won't get too big to be manageable anymore. I'm pretty sure we all want to keep the update rate steady and constant all across Part 3... so the more chapters I write in advance, the better.

And Part 3 is the final part of the story, worth mentioning. The way I structure Gladiator, each part has its own particular identity as the status quo shifts in some way (Part 1: will-they-won't-they, Part 2: when will they get caught?, Part 3: all hell breaks loose), and each of them have certain storytelling climaxes that basically mark the conclusion of each part, so to speak. For Part 1, the climax was also very literal as it's when Azula and Sokka finally go all the way :'D for Part 2, the climax is the Combustion Man fight, and for Part 3... can't tell you that but I'm expecting you can guess at it pretty easily, haha. After each of these climaxes, we've had some more story to cover before switching to the next bit... Part 3 will feature the longest post-climax chunk of story since we have a lot of loose ends to tie and I would hate myself if I finished everything too quickly. Hopefully all that I just said makes sense? :'D

Also, not sure if you wanted to know this exactly but as things stand, I've posted 7 out of 33 arcs for Part 3... and I'm due to start writing arc 20 :'D Part 3 has a LOT of arcs but they're generally shorter than they were before, I feel? Definitely shorter than in Part 1, where they were the longest in the story altogether, I believe.

As for your other, spoilery question...

Currently, Sokka and Azula are in complicated territory. Which I'm sure comes as no surprise considering what's been happening in the story as of late...

Azula's position is extremely precarious even in what stability she has found, and she has far too many complicated motivations pulling at her from all sides, too many people to protect, all of which comes into conflict with the position she's stuck in for the time being. Sokka continues his full dedication to waging war, but while he's doing well at it, the enemy's upping the challenge in what's coming, and as much as he's trying not to be rash and to make his decisions carefully, he has nooo idea how uphill things are going to get for his push in the near future.

It's worth noting that Sokka and Azula have been able to communicate through their spiritual bond a few more times, as well as having multiple chances of noticing something's wrong (or occasionally, right) with the other, even at a distance. Their communication hasn't always been effective in informing them about what the other is doing... but they're learning about each other's movements through other sources now, too. As expected from our chaotic and beloved pair... neither one is to happy about the other's position atm. Which makes it really interesting to me that in all their frustrations about what's going on, the faith they have in each other really doesn't waver.

I don't think I should say much more than that, but I will say I'm looming closer and closer to their fateful reunion, it will still take some time but not a lot, all in all. I only have two big battles left to write before we get to what we're all waiting for... so I really, REALLY want to finish all the art so I can get to that ASAP XD

[quibbs126]

So my dad came into my room this morning, asking if I’m actually going to do anything while at home, or if I’m just gonna laze in my bed the entire time I’m here (I’m on summer break, have been for almost 2 weeks). Also about a week ago, my mom told me to clean up my room so I can actually do something productive here, to which I have done very little of aside from move the stuff out that isn’t mine that they just threw in here

I’ll probably rant about the cleaning thing later, since I’m more frustrated about that than anything, but honestly, my problem is that I am just stuck in this state of limbo. I think the best word to describe me (and pretty much any time I’m here, or heck even just my mood in general) is bored. I’m incredibly bored. And so, my mind retreats into itself, being in this state of half aware, and half thinking about random things, trying to form thoughts. And it’s like, I think my brain is so used to being in this state that it just doesn’t want to do anything

Like I don’t want to be in this state of never doing anything, it’s boring and all I end up doing is rewatching the same videos, listening to the same music, playing video games (and even then it’s just Cookie Run at this point, with maybe a daily New Horizons check in. Anything else is a rarity). And I know I have things to do, like chores and stuff for college. But the problem is, getting myself to do anything outside of the status quo is an almost Herculean task and uphill battle that 95% of the time I end up losing. I want to do things, but it’s near impossible to fight my brain to actually do anything, it’s like I’m stuck in my own body, like it’s a prison, but I literally cannot force myself out of it. I say yes to literally any offer to do something by someone else because I have to try and force myself to leave and not be stuck in this state of limbo.

My dad asked me about my low grades this year, citing that I had no roommate or job to distract me, but to be honest, I think those things would have only helped, because it’s less time in limbo and more time in reality, possibly enough to get me to do things (not to mention a job would get me money). But the whole roommate thing was out of my control (I had one, but she didn’t live there), and applying for a job is one of the things my brain refuses to do, so I don’t know how to fix that

And I think this problem has been affecting me for at least the entire year, if not longer. I don’t like being like this, but I don’t know how to stop it

Also can I just swing back around to the room cleaning thing? I just need something to get my mind off this

Okay, so they want me to clean my room, go through my boxes and see what I don’t want/need anymore, and fair, there’s plenty of stuff I don’t use, but question, what am I supposed to do with the things I don’t want??? Because as far as I know, the only option is the trash

Like yeah, I don’t really want half of my books anymore, but what am I supposed to do with them? I’m not throwing these away! I do know a place that buys books, but it’s back at my university, which is an hour and a half drive from here. Or the printer and art tablet. My university has printers in the library you can use, and my major doesn’t really require printed things, and the tablet is for computer drawing, which I don’t really do anymore, I just use my iPad. But like hell we’re throwing those away, they’re expensive! A lot of this stuff I don’t think should just be thrown away, but what do I do with them then???

And where am I supposed to put the things that I do want? I have no storage anymore because they got rid of my shelves! Literally all I have are my desk which I keep clear for obvious reasons, the top of my dresser which is already full and has little space for things in general, a small nightstand which is already full, and boxes. And I can’t put things in my closet either, that’s already full of boxes! How do you expect me to clean my room if at the end of the day, everything still has to be in boxes? Like what do you expect of me?

And going and saying these things risks the idea of me sounding like an idiot, which I always feel like around them because I do not know what they want of me! Like, last week we were going shopping for a Mother’s Day gift, and my dad showed us a picture of a mug my mom wanted, and he just sort of told us to find it. We went and looked around the store for it (by which I mean a quick circle because my brother just decided to follow me instead of fan out) but it wasn’t there. And my dad was like, “did you not think to ask someone or something, you’re just giving up?” Well yes, I would have asked someone, but I remember you thinking that I shouldn’t just go up to workers and ask them things, since we should just find them ourselves, so I didn’t consider that an option! We literally do not know what you want from us! And on Sunday he was showing me how to mow the lawn and was getting annoyed that I didn’t know where to put the basket for the grass (or whatever it’s called) on the lawn mower, but I didn’t understand what he was talking about, and he was just getting increasingly frustrated. I don’t know what you mean by “underneath”, I’ve never used the lawn mower before, nor do I know the anatomy of this basket to know if you mean the underside of the basket (which I don’t even know what that is) or the bottom of the lawnmower, which I also do not know the anatomy of!

And yeah, I’ll admit I do act more an idiot around my parents, especially my dad, but when I don’t know what he wants, I don’t know how to interact with people and he expects me to immediately know and react to what he says, when I don’t. Also not to mention the fact that when I act even a little bit exasperated or have a bit of sass in my response, he raises his voice telling me to stop, at which point I do because I don’t want him angry at me, so my only option is to be an idiot who doesn’t know what’s happening. Not to mention the fact that I’m just generally not to.d things, like where we’re going. When I’m by myself, I’m allowed to be an idiot because there’s no one to criticize me, and I think I do better like that. Also, I know what I’m doing and where I’m going, instead of just being dragged along

*ahem* okay, I think I got carried away there, this is not at all what the original topic was. I think this is more three posts in one, sorry. I just needed to get these things off my chest, you feel me?

[jockpoetry]

breaks through the door i want to know ALL of the questions for maraas!!!! but since that's maybe a bit much the stars and the sun pls :3

The Star: When things get dark, what gives Rook hope?

Pre-Veigluard he's just so fucking stubborn he doesn't know how to give up. He has always fought for himself despite the odds, despite the uphill battle, and I think he just does not know how to give up. There's always got to be something else, something more, something different he could do. Maybe he can't see it now, but he's gotten out of tight spots before, and I think he just has faith that he'll find someway to get through, to get out, and keep going. Post-Veilguard it's definitely a bit of a readjustment, but I do think that actually having formed friendships for the first time in his life that were meaningful and made him feel like everything he'd done had been worth it. I think that during the whole Antaam debacle -> meeting Varric -> being ousted from Treviso for his own safety -> Solas chase -> events of Veilguard, there was a part of him that...expected not to make it, to finally get into something he wasn't getting out of. But he did, and despite the baggage Veilguard left him with to unpack I think that he now has like...knowledge he doesn't need to rely only on himself. There's hope in others, and that's just a boost out of those dark spaces. He's always had himself, and he's always bet on himself and done well, but now he doesn't have to. And I think the world has gotten much bigger and brighter for him because of that.

The Sun: What is Rook passionate about? How do they fuel that passion?

Man I don't know that he had much passion before Veilguard. He went through the motions of life, he threw himself into training to be a crow, and then into the contracts he took, but he didn't really...live? He enjoyed the quiet, and being able to afford a small place for himself. He isn't a big reader, but he has a few books that he treasures. He enjoys the process of upkeeping his weapons, being forced to sit and focus. He's a big bundle of energy usually, so things that get him to sit still and just breathe I think he's a big fan of. Post-game I think he gets a bit more into cooking, he's not very good and he still doesn't really feel a lot of interest in eating, but it has the same kind of focused attention that gets him to be still for awhile. Growing up he really through himself into learning everything he could, that doesn't necessarily mean he was a good student, but he wanted to be. He had a lot of ground to make up and there are definitely still areas he's still weak in, but he loved learning, especially physical stuff. (Because there will always be a part of my brain that's wrestlingpilled he'd be a really good mat wrestler, he's flexible and strong and I think as good as he is with blades and his bow he's a competent hand to hand and unarmed fighter too and was really passionate about it. He wanted to be the best at something, and I think he was.) As far as fueling it, I think it's rooted in a lot of the same area as the above answer. He is so self-dependent, and so autonomous that he simply makes himself. He's not a good reader, but he will buy books and sit and read them. He doesn't really like eating and isn't a good cook, but he keeps trying. There's just an innate drive in him to Try to Keep Trying. (To, at times, his own fault, and in ways that can be slightly self-destructive, but you know it's fine! lol). He fuels himself the way he's always fueled himself, by just getting up every morning and putting a foot in front of the other and going 'you have to do this or else' or else what? Who knows, but it works.

ask me about my rook!

[dangraccoon]

A Hunch

Week 2 ~ "at ease" ~ midnight snack ~

Word Count: 960 Content: insomnia/sleepless, SUGGESTIVE so 18+, kenobi is a shameless flirt and a tease, cody is a disaster gay and a hopeless romantic (me fr tho) and rex is about to be so done with cody's bullshit

@clone-wars-winter-challenge

Despite the extended time he’d actually have, despite the relative comfort his bunk provided, despite the quiet of the ship, and despite the pure exhaustion that came after the adrenaline of battle wore off, Cody couldn’t sleep.

He’d tried almost everything he could think of. He adjusted the temperature of his quarters. He went for a walk around the ship. He took another shower. He tried cyclical breathing. He set his datapad to play white noise. He read a few chapters of a holo-novel Bly had recommended. He thought about going to the medbay to ask the late-shift medic for a sedative but decided against it.

Sighing, Cody flipped the scratchy GAR-issue blanket off of him and swung his feet over the side of the bed. He stretched a little, put his armor back on, then picked up his datapad and headed for the door.

The ship was quiet as most of the troopers would be getting some well-deserved rest as they traveled to their next destination. The few he did see would stand up straight until he waved them off, barely looking up from the reports he was reading.

He eventually found his way to the officers’ mess. He keyed in his access code to the attached kitchenette to use the self-serve caf machine. As it began to brew, he perched himself on the arm of one of the chairs to continue through the seemingly endless reports that flooded his inbox.

He knew he was a capable man, a good leader, and an exemplary soldier–he had the medals and the scars to prove it–but sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d truly earned his rank. Had any of them earned their ranks if they were designed to be copies?

An access code being entered on the other side of the door startled him out of his introspection. The door slid open revealing–

“Oh!” General Kenobi jumped a little, nearly dropping his datapad. “Apologies, Commander, I wasn’t expecting to find the room–” he looked up to see Commander Cody at full attention, his work abandoned on the chair.

The general’s eyes shifted from surprise to confusion, and then something akin to curiosity.

“Commander, please be at ease, or as you were,” he hummed, an air of amusement surrounding him as he watched the commander barely shift his posture. “It’s the middle of the– well, I suppose it would be the middle of the night if we were still on Coruscant.” He chuckled a little, a sound Cody found to be echoing in his mind. “Don’t tell me you’re planning on staying up through the night cycle doing data work.”

“Oh, uh, no,” Cody muttered, cursing the uncertainty in his voice. “Not exactly, sir–”

“Commander,” he said as he unceremoniously dumped the data pad on the counter. “May I simply call you ‘Cody’ instead of your full rank?”

“Yes, sir,” Cody nodded.

“I appreciate that,” General Kenobi grinned. He turned away from Cody, beginning to look through the various cabinets. 

He watched the general as he seemed to search for… something, unable to stop his curiosity.

“What are you looking for, sir?”

“Oh, please just call me Obi-Wan,” he huffed, almost exasperated. “At least if it’s just us.”

Cody looked away, scowling slightly.

Kenobi sighed, looking back towards him. “That’s going to be an uphill battle, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir,” Cody replied, unable to stifle a smirk.

Kenobi rolled his eyes, turning back to the cabinet. “To answer your question, I am looking for a… midnight snack of sorts. A pre-deployment habit I haven’t been able to break.”

“I wouldn’t count on finding much beyond ration bars in stock, sir,” Cody shrugged.

Kenobi seemed to deflate slightly. “I was afraid you might say that,” he grumbled, and again, Cody struggled to suppress his amusement. “We’ll simply need to rectify this glaring oversight, then won’t we.”

“Yes, sir.”

Kenobi grabbed his datapad and turned back to look at Cody. “Something tells me that you, Cody, actually know which form I’m supposed to use to requisition some treats for us all.”

Cody’s brow hitched. “What makes you say that?” he smirked.

“Call it a hunch,” Kenobi chuckled as he stepped into Cody’s space. “I just get a certain… vibe from you.”

Cody’s heart pounded in his ears. He wasn’t sure of the cause, or perhaps it was a combination of the proximity, the soft yet strong tone of his voice, the smell of GAR-issue soap mixing with a subtle hint of some kind of tea, or the downright dangerous look in his eyes. 

“A ‘vibe’, is it?” he grinned. “What else can you glean from this so-called ‘hunch’?”

“Hm, are you sure you want to go down that road?” Kenobi practically purred, slowly dragging his eyes up and down Cody’s body. “You might find it to be a little too close to that line you so love to toe, my dear marshal commander.”

Cody scoffed if only to cover the way he had to force himself to actually continue breathing. “26-D9-926 for unit usage, 56-T3-926 for… personal use.”

“I knew it,” Kenobi snickered, pulling away from Cody–who found himself almost drawn to follow him and the heat he’d generated between them but resisted. “Have a good evening, Commander.”

“G-good evening,” he breathed, unsure if any of this was even real.

Kenobi paused, turning back to him. “Oh, and Cody?”

“Yes?”

“You forgot to say, ‘sir’.” And just like that, he swept out of the room.

Cody wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but once he found himself able to move again, he picked up his datapad, opening a comm line to Rex.

This is going to be a problem, he typed out and sent as he found himself adjusting his codpiece. 

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[forgottenpercy]

When Malconaire called, Percy answered.

He may have left many years ago, but Malconaire was his home and if they had called upon him to help rebuild the entire estate -- brick by brick -- he would have done so. And done so eagerly.

Especially now. He knew that the Malconaire girls did everything they could to continue in their father's footsteps, but they were fighting an uphill battle with Valentina at the helm. His former mistress cared only for herself and her children. The people she governed meant little to her beyond what she could gain from them. And it saddened Percy to see the changes that her spending and carelessness had wrought upon the place.

He had not thought twice when he heard that the barn needed repairing.

"It was a good day," Percy agreed. It felt like the old days, when they were younger and more carefree. It had made him miss his own brothers, though, who would have been working right along side him if they hadn't ....

... and the presence of Lord Malconaire and Ronan and Kale was missed, too. Still, there was something renewing in working side-by-side again with the people he'd had grown up around.

"I noticed Valentina didn't bother to show her face," He couldn't help but take a jab at her, "Nor did her son, except to pretend to supervise." Percy rolled his eyes. They hadn't needed his help, anyway.

He cocked his head and managed a grin, "Perhaps that was one of the reason it was such a good day, eh?"

Percy took on a more serious tone when she mentioned the Queen. He was afraid, for a moment, that she was going to ask him questions about the riots. As he had been near the palace gates at the time, he had been everyone's man to ask but the truth was, he did not like to relive those moments more than he had to -- and he certainly had no intention of sharing that information with Rosie, who he still felt was too young to even know about such things.

But she'd asked about the Queen and while that was an easier question to answer, Percy didn't particularly want to discuss that, either. She had been through a lot and Percy suspected that she suffered much more than she ever let on.

"She is as well as can be expected," He finally managed, "But she is strong, Rosie. Very strong. And if anyone can withstand it all, she can." He did not know what was in store for her -- the emperor could easily blame her for the revolts and after declaring her a bastard, did he still have plans to marry her? As abhorrent as that prospect was, Percy did not like to consider the alternative. What use would he have for her then, if he did not mean to make her one of his queens?

Percy couldn't help but smile as Rosie took it upon herself to thank him as though she was the Queen, herself. "Nicely done," He said, clapping his hands, "I feel as though she were standing before me."

He did not think that the Queen gathered much strength at all, if any, from him, but he did hope that, at least, he was able to reassure her that Astaira was still behind her, even if he could not voice it as explicitly as he would like. However, he had no intention of shattering any illusions Rosie had of the Staffords finding comfort where they could, and so he did not say as much.

"I think you could have been very successful with playacting, you know, if you had not been born a lady," He winked at her and, although he gave her a laugh, he found that he meant it. Her imagination and empathy, both, would be handy tools for such an occupation.

Snow Falls | Rosie & Percy

With the heavy snows falling so suddenly, the House of Malconaire had not gone without its share of troubles. As the snow turned to ice, one of the heavy beams of the great barn had finally cracked and collapsed. While the others remained, holding the structure aloft, it was a precarious situation, though one that oridinarily would have been easily put to rights with the correct number of hands. However, with the Valentina-imposed shortage of servants, it proved an impossible task with only those on hand, though necessary with the bulk of the storage of food for the winter and a number of the Malconaire farm animals, alike, housed within.

As a result, a number of friends and locals had been called in specially to help (with even Valentina allowing that -- as she did not wish to go without food this winter -- perhaps this was, indeed, a worthy investment and worth some of her precious coin!). Rosie's heart swelled, watching Malconaire once again set to life with all its old familiar souls buzzing busily about the estate to help however they could even in the cold weather. Somehow, however, Rosie did not seem to feel the cold, however much her breath clouded before her, surrounded by all her old friends once again.

For her part, no matter how heavy the lumber they heaved or how high to ladder they climbed, the conversation never abated as she asked after that cousin and that aunt. It wasn't that Rosie no longer saw these people -- she was always sure to visit with baskets whenever she could -- but to see them here again put her in mind of all the festivals her parents used to bservere here with them, causing the event to take on what was, to her, a sort of party atmosphere.

With the barn fully raised again, however, and the day dwindling to evening, the villagers began saying their goodbyes and slowly peeling off back home and, with their departure, Rosie once again felt the cold.

Spotting Percy by one of the hedgerows, Rosie hurried off towards her, leaning back against the fence behind him. "I don't think the barn has ever been steadier, with such good hands reaching out to support it," she chirped. "I'd be shocked if anything else so much as budges it, come the winter!"

Of course, Malconaire sported a large number of barns, with this being only the largest (and most important) of them, so other collapses were possible -- perhaps even inevitable if the winter were terrible -- but Rosie meant what she said. Granted, she was far from a barn or architecture expert, but she did not believe the great barn was in any danger, whatever, after the help it had received today.

"Today was a good day, wasn't it?"

Rosie was a proud young woman, to be true, and did not much like serving her stepmother, but spending useful time doing something jointly with people she cared about -- that was something she did like. After all, this food would benefit the whole Malconaire community, not merely the noble family. It was a good thing they had done today, Rosie thought, done with good people, and that -- to her -- was enough to make it a good day.

"May I ask you something, Percy? Is this...Is this how you feel everyday, working at the palace, making life better for the Queen?"

She frowned. For a moment...for a moment she had forgotten. Forgotten about Roderick. Forgotten about Valentina. Forgotten...all the bad. For a moment, she'd been her father's daughter again, and not merely her stepmother's stepdaughter...or servant.

"I mean..." she shrugged, tried to brush it off. "It was how I felt when I served her...however briefly," she chuckled. "And however relatively useless. I swear, I only figured out half of what I was doing about a fortnight before I returned home."

She was exaggerating, of course, hoping to win a laugh from her often serious friend, but it wasn't that far off the mark. Her service had been brief, indeed, compared to what she'd expected. Her mother, after all, had served Eilia's mother for years before she'd at last gone to Malconaire to wed its lord.

"How..." Rosie sighed, glanced to the ground. "How are they? I'm sure things haven't been easy since..." Since the conquest? Since they'd been declared bastards? Since the riot? Rosie hardly even knew which calamity she meant. She'd hardly seen them since it had all began and she'd been sent to Malconaire with Eithne's plans in a last ditch efforto to help before the battle overtook her home, once and for all.

She turned to Percy, then, her eyes shining and confident. "I know their troubles are great, but...I know, too, however great they may be, your loyalty and bravery in the face of everything helps them to bear it. I also know they're not in a position to thank you so, as one who once served the Queen...Let me do the honors and give you a last message in her name."

Straightening from where she leaned, she smiled and looked him in the eye and said, just as she had been accustomed to doing when she was lady-in-waiting to many a court official. She took his hand. "Her Grace the Queen of All Astaira bids me bear you all her thanksgiving and gratitude in this trying time. May the guardians bless you, Percival Reaves."

Squeezing his hand, she released him and smiled softly. "Did I do her justice?"

[airplanned]

I had an idea.  And wrote it down.

So here’s Zelda trying to get Link fired.

*** "Link is in love with me," Zelda announced, looking her father straight in the eye in hopes he wouldn't detect her lie.

His large eyebrows lowered.  "Is he?"

"Yes."

He only grew more confused.  "How do you know?"

She had not been expecting this question, and briefly weighed lying about an over-wrote confession of love, but that seemed both a bit heavy-handed and also easily fact-checked.  

Instead, she folded her hands and lowered her eyes demurely. That would sell it.  "I can simply tell."

"Tell how? What does he do?"

"It's in the way he looks at me.  And the way he follows me."

All the confused wrinkles that had formed on her father's face flattened, and his voice took on an annoyed edge as he said, "That is his job.  But...you're well aware of that, since we spoke of it last week.  You were upset about it then."

She had prepared herself for this.  She would not crack.  She would not waffle.  Giving her most solemn nod, she said, "Now I have come to realize that his outstanding attention to detail and his excellent attentiveness do not arise from mere duty."

Her father sighed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest.  "And what is it you want to have done about this?"

She lifted her chin.  "Out of an abundance of caution towards propriety, and for the sake of his spotless reputation, I believe it would be in the best interest of all parities if he were transferred."

The king nodded.

And kept nodding.

And nodded some more.

Finally, he said, "I don't buy it."

She nearly broke then, nearly rolling her eyes and huffing.  But she was a picture of calm.  "Whatever do you mean?"  Okay, that was a bit much.

"Zelda, that young man is not in love with you."

Her neutral face cracked the slightest bit, but it was still in character.  "You haven't seen the way he watches me."

"I have.  He's not in love with you.  He's just doing his job, which you make extremely hard for him for no real reason."

Oh, she had reasons.  She grit her teeth and took a pointed breath in through her nose, which probably gave her way.  "What proof do you require?"

The king narrowed his eyes at her.  "What would you do if I told you that?  Make that young man fall in love with you so you can have him transferred?  That would be cruel, Zelda.  And besides," he picked up his pen, intending to go back to his work, and effectively dismissing her, "I'm afraid at this point that would be an uphill battle for you."

That should not have stung, because it was absolutely true, and she could see his point.  It would be an uphill battle convincing her father after her open and active hatred of him these past few weeks.

"What if I was in love with him?" she asked.

He looked up only to give her an unamused look.  

"The longer we remain so tightly bound in each other's company, and with him in love with me--which I can see why you don't believe that he is because he is so stoic in public--it's only a matter of time before he wins my affections."

She felt nauseated just thinking of it, but kept it from her face.

"Alright," he said, and turned back to his work. "Come back when that happens."

Outside her father’s office, Link peeled from his post by the door to wait for her and fell in step behind her, none the wiser that her mind was whirling with alterations to her plan.

[sabrinariverdalefan]

I’ve got my eye on you

Xavier Thorp / Original Character

Chapter 3

Xavier saw her again the next day and once again she was different. Sitting with his back to her in the next booth, the blonde was sitting with her legs up against her chest; hands wrapped around them tightly as she brushed a stray tear from her face as she listened to the older man across from her.

“Do you want to get clean?” the boy heard the man ask the girl. After a long pause, he heard her reply “No…” He was sitting there drawing in his sketchbook, but the whole time he found himself listening to the conversation between the addict and sponsor.

Elizabeth hated crying, but there she sat with tears running down her cheeks as Brian asked her the hardest questions in her life.

“Drugs change a person, I’m sure you’ve noticed that. Don’t let anyone tell you different addiction is a sickness making you feel like you’re tackling a losing battle from the first time you got high. The stakes start simple and harmless but quickly turn into playing Russian roulette with your life.”

Wiping a few stray tears with the back of her sleeve she pulled the hoodie off her head and ran a hand through her messy blonde locks. “I think people would be okay with it…me dying.”

“Why would you say that?” Brian asked with concern on his face.

“I’m not stupid…I know most people look at me and only see my father, and I don’t know given the circumstances that I’m here…what my father did to all those women; sometimes it’s just hard to find a place where you believe you belong. For as long as I can remember I haven’t felt like I was meant to be here. This world is so fucking shitty that I don’t even want to witness it anymore.”

Xavier was hardly paying attention to what he was drawing as he listened to this private conversation, his heart sinking as he listened to the pain in her voice. The urge to just want to turn around her and hug her was so overwhelming. He wanted to comfort her; to protect her but she didn’t even know his name. Without realizing it he found himself sketching the beautifully broken girl in the next booth.

“The world is a fucked up place I won’t disagree with you there, but you have to fight. No one said being sober will be easy. It’s been six years for me and it’s still an uphill battle, but I believe in you.” The blonde hung her head; she didn’t like people having faith in her. It only made her feel worse when she failed them, but she nodded quietly and soon her sponsor left, leaving her there alone to sort out her thoughts. Hand went to the pocket of her sweater were a mixture of pills just waited to be snorted. How bad off to just want to get high because the conversation you just had makes you feel a certain way. Brushing more tears from her face, Elizabeth abruptly got up and found herself colliding once more with Xavier.

Once again he caught her before she fell to the ground. Only this time she looked at him with obvious recognition. “We need to stop meeting like this…” He commented with a slight smirk on his face that quickly faded as the girl sorted herself out when he saw that she was crying.

Shaking her head the blonde pulled up the hood of her sweater “It’s okay. My bad this time…”

“Are you okay Elizabeth?”

The blonde’s brow furrowed “How do you know my name?”

Xavier was confident that she wasn’t going to assume that he had been watching her for a while now. “You’re in here a lot and they always call you Lizzy here.”

She must have accepted that excuse because no questions came of it. “I’ll be okay. Thanks so…umm catching me again.” Lizzy shyly says as she took a few steps back before she heads out the door.

‘No…’ Xavier thought to himself as he followed her out the door. It was pouring and he cursed himself for not bringing his umbrella but that dissipated as he caught up to the petite blonde and grabbed her by the arm. He expected her to punch him or to cuss him out, but instead, Elizabeth looked at him curiously.

“Can I walk with you?” The question was so simple yet so hard to say to someone he found himself obsessed with, and when she shrugs and tells him okay - he was unable to not smile at her.

[starryeyedweeb]

Valentine’s Day with BNHA

A/N: I know it’s late for Valentine’s Day, but this is about the fifth time I’ve tried posting this because every other time it never got a single note even though all of my other stuff does pretty well??? So not to be that person, but if you see this I’m begging you to give it some love because it’s one of my favorites!

*DISCLAIMER*: As I’m over eighteen, I write all underaged characters aged up to be eighteen or older.

Contains: As always, sickly-sweet fluff; gender-neutral

Characters Included: Todoroki Shoto, Bakugou Katsuki, Yaoyorozu Momo, Shigaraki Tomura, Dabi/Todoroki Touya, Aizawa Shota

Valentine’s Day with...

Bakugou Katsuki

As expected, Bakugou thinks that Valentine’s Day is kind of ridiculous and isn’t too keen on celebrating

When his friends ask him what he’s planned for the holiday, it results in a bit of a rant

“Valentine’s is a shitty holiday for shitty partners to try and make up for being shitty. I take them on dates and spoil them all the time, so why should I make a big deal about a random day in February?”

But because he wasn’t a shitty partner, he knows he has to do something for you

“Oi, do you want to go hiking?” he asks shortly on Valentine’s morning, already dressed for the occasion. “We can go to that spot you’ve wanted see for a while.”

You agree- eagerly.

You honestly weren’t the biggest fan of hiking until you started dating Bakugou, who’s obsessed with it

It’s like meditation to him- one of the best ways for him to find a calm and clear mindset- and the two of you always have your best conversations when you’re out on a hike

Plus he looks amazing in his hiking clothes

The trail in question is further outside the city than most, and when you arrive, it’s pleasantly deserted

With backpacks swung over your shoulders, the two of you start down the rough path, which cuts through a thick forest

When you first started hiking, you could barely keep up with Bakugou, but you had gotten much better at it over time and are now able to comfortably keep pace with him, even holding his hand part of the time

The trail is mainly uphill, though, and periodically he will all but force a water bottle into your hands

“Get a drink. I don’t want you getting all dehydrated on me.”

When you reach the peak of the trail, which is a flat clearing overlooking the city below, Bakugou indicates for you to sit down and pulls out two bento boxes that he had packed prior to the event

Though there’s nothing heart-shaped nor unnaturally red or pink inside, the box is sweetly filled with all of your favorite bento foods

And of course, they all taste amazing

“Katsuki, this is so good!”

“I know.”

“Come on.” You playfully push his arm, feeling his muscles rippling beneath his jacket. “Seriously, though, thank you. Life has been so crazy lately, and this little break was perfect.”

“So you’re not upset we didn’t do anything more, I don’t know...” he trails off, furrowing his brow and running a hand through his hair, “...on theme?”

“Of course not. Stuff like that is for shitty partners who use a holiday as an excuse to make up for being shitty. They’ll go right back to their behavior the moment the day is over.” You interlace your fingers in his and hold his arm with your free hand. “This was perfect.”

Bakugou can’t resist a smirk and short chuckle at your sentiment, realizing exactly why he’s with you

“Hey, what’s that look for?”

“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “Kiss.”

You reach up and press your lips to his, and his arms wrap around your body, holding you close

When you pull away, you cast a glance out at the tranquil cityscape below and reluctantly check the time.

“Do you think we should head back down?” you ask.

“No. I want to stay here a little while longer.”

Todoroki Shoto

As one of the top heroes, Todoroki Shoto is a hard man to get alone, but you have high hopes for Valentine’s Day.

On the morning of February 14, the two of you check into the luxury hotel he had booked for a romantic staycation, awaiting an entire day of activities planned around the resort: lunch and dinner reservations, a couple’s massage, seeing the hotel’s nightly show...

Only for it to all be completely foiled before it even starts when Shoto gets an urgent call about a villain incident gone badly wrong, with as many heroes as possible desperately needed to help.

“Go ahead and do everything we had planned,” he urges as he’s leaving, rushing through a parting kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

But you know that it’s not going to be as simple as “I’ll be right back.”

The moment the door shuts behind him, you can’t help but turn on the TV and flip to the news, trying to find out just what Shoto had gotten himself into

The danger of the situation makes you sick with anxiety, and you have to turn it off almost immediately for the sake of your own sanity

Trying to follow his wishes, you go through the motions of the day you had planned, but instead of reaping the intended benefits of rest and relaxation, your brain is completely clouded with worry for Shoto’s safety

Which is only amplified when the hotel lobby has the news on with a crowd of people clumped together before it to see what’s going on, and the receptionist approaches you to ask if you’re alright

Dark falls with no sign of Shoto, but your heart leaps when you get the news notification that the battle is over

You turn the news back on for live coverage of the heroes that participated being interviewed about the events, but your stomach knots once again when you see no sign of Shoto

They haven’t mentioned any casualties, you wonder, but have they missed him or something?

When a knock echoes throughout the room, a cold feeling of dread washes over your body

You freeze and merely stare at the door, sure you’re about to receive the news that’s the worst nightmare of any partner of a hero

Until the door opens, and reveals Shoto holding a bouquet the size of his torso, looking a bit battered but otherwise alright

You launch yourself across the room, and he drops the flowers to engulf you in his arms

“God, Shoto,” you sob. “No matter how long I’ve been with you, waiting and worrying never gets any easier.”

“I know, I know,” he murmurs back, stroking your hair. “But I’m here now. I’m fine. I ran here the moment I could get away.”

When you finally allow him to pull away, he hands you the flowers, and you call room service for a vase and a first-aid kit

You sit Shoto on the bed and tend to his minor wounds, then order some of your favorite comfort foods for a very late dinner

Shoto is never one to discuss his missions right after the fact, so instead you just talk about nonsense things, like the most recent episode of your favorite show to watch together, and where the two of you wanted to go on your next vacation

Afterward, the two of you lay in the dark, so tangled together that it’s nearly impossible to tell who’s whom

Neither of you are tired at all, realizing fully that the privilege of getting to hold each other like you are was almost taken away that day

You feel your eyes start to well up at just how much you love the man next to you, realizing how much you need him

Shoto seems to sense that you’re going to a dark place, so he traces his fingers lightly against your cheek and breaks the silence.

“I forgot to tell you. I extended our stay here so we can still celebrate like we were planning to. I’m sorry I had to go today.”

“Shoto, you don’t have to be sorry.” You cup his cheek back, a few tears spilling out of your eyes as they meet his. “I’m just so glad you’re safe and that you’re here with me.”

Yaoyorozu Momo

Recently, an adorable little paint-your-own-pottery studio had opened on yours and Momo’s route home

You two had always meant to go for a fun date, but never really had the time, so when a Valentine’s event is announced, you both leap at the opportunity and reserve your spots right away

When Valentine’s Day arrives, you and Momo show up half an hour early for the event, wearing coordinating shades of red and pink

Laughing at your accidental matching, the two of you kill the time until the event begins by taking a million photos together

When the doors to the shop open and you’re finally allowed in, Momo’s eyes nearly pop out of her head in excitement, and you just know it’s going to become a regular date spot for the two of you

The shop is decorated like a romantic tea shop straight out of a cheesy movie, with lace doilies marking work stations, faux roses as centerpieces, and red, white, and pink balloons covering the ceiling

The special event involves painting spindly teacups with handles shaped like hearts, the workstations supplied with punch and sweets, all colored and shaped for the holiday

“Look at these!” She exclaims, picking up the ceramic cup at her workstation. “What should we paint on them?”

“Why don’t we do a matching design?” you suggest. “That way we can remember this even better.”

“Yes, let’s do that!” she agrees. “What design should we do, then?”

You two decide to keep it simple: paint the mugs solid baby pink, stamp tiny red hearts all around, and then Momo would use her elegant handwriting and paint both of your initials in calligraphy on one of the faces.

You ready your stations and sit shoulder-to-shoulder as you work, chatting and giggling the entire time, occasionally nudging each other playfully with your legs

“Could you hold the cup at this angle for me while I do the calligraphy?” she requests, which gives you an excuse to sit even closer to her, the scent of her rosy perfume engulfing you

“I wish I had handwriting like that,” you whine, watching her paint the graceful swirls of your initials, followed by the date below.

“I can teach you,” she offers, coming to stand behind you. “Here.”

She puts her hand over yours, and guides it along in the shape of the letters, her free arm looping around the front of your shoulders in a casual hug

“See? You’ve done it!”

“It still doesn’t look nearly as good as yours.”

“Well, my heart stamps don’t look nearly as good as yours. I don’t think I applied enough pressure.” She returns to her own seat, stares at you for a few moments, then giggles. “Speaking of, you’ve got paint on your face. Come here.”

You lean forward so she can wipe off the paint with a gentle touch, and she places a kiss on the now-clean spot.

“There. All better.”

When the two of you finish painting the mugs, you turn them into the counter so they can be finished in the kiln, then sit by the window of the shop to enjoy your sweets while you wait

“I’m very excited about these cups,” Momo says, reaching out for your hand. “They’ll be a lovely little keepsake.”

“Me, too,” you agree, resting your head on her shoulder. “It’ll be nice to have tea in them every evening.”

“Exactly. And if there’s ever a time when we have to be separated, whether it be for hero work or some other reason, we can bring our cups with us to remember that the other is always there, waiting to come have tea together.”

Shigaraki Tomura:

Despite his villainous ideals, in romance, Shiggy is actually quite sweet, if not a little clumsy

When you first became close to him, his unhealthy lifestyle and lack of self-care worried you, so you made a habit of cooking for Shigaraki, and leaving a week’s worth of nutritious meals in the League’s fridge for him

He had never revealed this to you, but he appreciated it so much, and wanted to return the favor

When Toga mentioned something about Valentine’s Day, he knew that it was his perfect opportunity, and made his plans by ordering everyone of the League to get out and stay out for the night

He then did some research about something good to make you, wracking his brain to try and remember what you’ve mentioned liking, until he remembers a very important fact:

He can’t cook.

At all.

Has never even once tried.

Which poses an obvious problem.

He panicked for a few moments, until he landed on a new, and possibly better, idea

When you arrive for the date, dressed comfortably (because, as much as you love Shigaraki, you know that there’s no way you’ll be going out for Valentine’s Day), you’re a little bit surprised to find him standing in the kitchen

“Shiggy?” You approach the counter warily. “What are we doing tonight?”

“I can’t cook. I want to know how.”

“You want me to teach you how to cook?”

“Yes. I want to know how to make your favorite meal.”

“Okay. That’s simple enough.” You make to join him in the kitchen, but he blocks your path.

“No. I want to make this for you. Just sit down and...tell me what to do.”

That proves to be quite a bit more difficult, as you never truly understood just how hard it would be to explain cooking to someone that has never used more than a microwave before

The music you had put on in the background was quickly drowned out by his frustrated swears, and you can tell that there are times when he almost loses his temper, but holds it together for the sake of your Valentine’s gift

A couple of utensils do fall victim to his decay, though, and he subtly tries to sweep the remains away in embarrassment.

At one point, his poor knife technique leaves a decently sized cut on his finger, and you jump into action, running for a First-Aid kit

“I’m not a child,” he mutters as you clean the small wound, avoiding your eyes.

“I know,” you reply lightly, pressing a playful kiss to the bandage you had just secured.

As Shigaraki comes close to finishing the meal, you raid Kurogiri’s stores for your favorite bottle of wine, pouring two glasses and setting them out on the table.

“Does this look right?” Shigaraki asks once the final timer goes off, warily holding out his creation.

“You tell me,” you answer. “I’ve made this for you before. It looks the same to me.”

When the two of you sit down and portion out the meal, Shigarki neglects his own plate as he watches you take your first bite

You fight to keep your face neutral, because honestly, it’s god awful, even though you had been right there the whole time, telling him exactly what to do

But you really didn’t expect anything more from a first time-cook, and even though the flavor is completely wrong, you still enjoy it, because you can practically taste how much this prickly mass-murderer actually cares for you

And as twisted as your situation is, you wouldn’t change it for the world

“Is it good?” Shigaraki mumbles from across the table, pulling you from your thoughts.

You take a sip of your wine. “Thank you so much, Tomura. This was such a thoughtful gift. I really appreciate it.”

“I knew it. It’s shit.” He pushes his own plate away in frustration. “I just wanted to pay back a favor and I can’t even do that right.”

“Shig, what did I just say? I appreciate this so much.” You round the table to his seat, rubbing his shoulders and planting a kiss on the top of his head. “Of course your first attempt doesn’t work. But that gives us something new to do together. For tonight, we’ll order some takeout, but starting tomorrow, I’ll give you another cooking lesson, and then another, and another, and another... as many as it takes until you can make a whole meal for me by yourself. Deal?”

He meets your gaze with a puppy-dog expression, placing his palms over where your hands rested on his chest.

“Deal.”

Dabi/Todoroki Touya:

Let’s just say that Dabi isn’t one to ignore traditions.

He’s one to very openly and dramatically oppose them.

You were anxious if not a little worried to see what he was going to have planned for Valentine’s Day- but, honestly, as his partner, you’re equally as unconventional in your own ideals

And he doesn’t disappoint, coming home with tickets to a ghost tour at the most haunted spot in town.

“Do they even do these on Valentine’s Day?”

“Obviously. That’s when I got the tickets for.” He shrugs. “Apparently it’s a thing that people do.”

“Hopefully not very many people. You know how we hate crowds.”

“And hopefully it’s not overtly themed for this asinine holiday.” He takes your waist and whispers the next words in your ear. “The idea of a dark room and an invisible audience is romantic enough.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“I just made you more excited, didn’t I?”

“You’ll have to wait until the day to find out.”

When Valentine’s Day arrives, you dress for the occasion and meet Dabi at a glamorous hotel in an older part of town

Before the tour begins, the guide allows the guests to go to the bar for some drinks, and begin to tell the story of the hotel and the paranormal activity that had sparked the attraction

Dabi seems uninterested, taking in the architecture of the historic buidling and peering down random hallways

“I’m getting bored of this,” he mutters in your ear. “I’m ready to see something interesting.”

“Shh, Dabi, I’m trying to listen,” you whisper back.

He responds by pinching your ass. “So, are you in a naughty mood tonight? Noted.”

“Stop it,” you mutter, lightly pushing him away, but your flushed skin is a dead giveaway to how you truly feel about the situation.

When the tour actually starts, you and Dabi round out the end of the group as it descends into a long, dark hallway.

Eventually, you feel Dabi’s hand leave its spot around your waist, but you’re so distracted listening the tour guide tell stories at the front to even notice.

Until cold hands grab you from you behind and give you a violent shake, growling animalistically in your ear

You let out a terrified scream, but the laugh that comes after is all-too-familiar

“Dammit, Dabi!” you gasp, doubling over to your breath and quiet your heartbeat.

“Aha.” His hands trail down your sides and squeeze your waist. “Gotcha.”

You eventually reach the main event of the tour, which is an old storeroom that had been unused for years due to the intense paranormal activity

Dabi actually stood still next to you with his arm slung around your shoulders, interested for the first time that night as the guide used the ghost box and actually got answers from the spirits that occupied the room.

Though there are a few times when you have to stop him from pulling some prank to scare the other people taking the tour, trying to convince them that they’re actually in immediate danger of possession

When the event is over, however, and the guide is ushering people back down the hallway, Dabi pulls you into a closet, igniting a small flame on his palm and pressing a finger to his lips

When the noise of the crowd filing out is gone, he presses forward forcefully and starts to bury you in deep, passionate kisses

“Wait, wait.” You pull back once you realize what his idea is. “Isn’t this a little...scary?”

“Isn’t that what makes it fun?”

Aizawa Shota

Valentine’s Day happened to fall around one of Aizawa’s busiest times at UA, and he was so tied up and tired that you had barely seen one another lately.

So, when he remembers what’s coming up and drowsily asks you what you want to do for Valentine’s Day, you surprise him.

“I’ve already made plans for us,” you reveal, handing him a printed itinerary. “I booked us a spot at a day spa. Those are all the treatments we’ll be doing.”

“Why’d you choose this? I’m curious.”

“You need some time to relax, and I want to spend time with you when your mind is on something other than which one of your students is going to get broken next.”

“Fair enough.”

On the morning of, the two of you check into the spa, and are instructed to go change into the fluffy bathrobes they provided

“Do I really have to put this on?” he complains, holding it as one might hold a dirty diaper.

“What’s wrong with it?” you ask, already changed into yours.

“I don’t know how I feel about my chest being out on display like this.”

“Well, I’ll like it.” You snake your hand up his shirt and rake your nails down his skin. “C’mon. We’re going to be late for our couple’s massage.”

Once Aizawa has reluctantly changed, the two of you start off your day with massages and facials

You had arranged for him to get a special eye treatment, and the small sounds of relief from his table reveals that your gift is very much appreciated.

“Are you relaxed?” you inquire as you move on from the massage room to your next destination.

“More relaxed I’ve been since I stepped through the doors of UA for the first time.”

“Well, are you relaxed enough to get a hair treatment?”

“Honestly? Bring it on.”

When Aizawa is laying back in a chair, a towel wrapped around his head and a styling cape draped over his robe, you can’t help but snap photos of the slightly comical scene

“Are you taking pictures?” he grumbles.

“Do you mind that I am?”

“Just as long as my students never see it.”

“Noted,” you reply, adding the photo to an album of embarrassing pictures you planned to show them at the end of the term.

After finishing the hair treatment- Aizawa’s hair looking better than you could ever dream yours would- and moving on to a high-tech infrared light treatment, you finished out the day with a soak in the spa’s top-rate onsen, reserved for just the two of you

You sit in comfortable silence in the hot water, bodies pressed close to each other

Shota’s arm was draped around your shoulder, and you loosely held the hand that fell across your body

When you lay your ear on his chest, you notice that his heartbeat is the calmest you’ve ever heard it

“So, did the spa serve its purpose?” you ask, tilting your head up to gaze at him.

“It did. Though I think it was less the spa’s doing, and more the fact that I spent an entire day with you.”

You hum happily, reaching up and tapping his chin. “Nice and well rested now, are you? You sure look pretty.”

He chuckles lightly, running a hand through your hair. “So do you.”

“Well, there’s still about an hour left until our dinner reservation,” you observe, noticing the clock on the wall. “Is there anything you want to do to kill the time before then?”

“We’re both sitting in hot water, naked,” he replies matter-of-factly. “The answer should be obvious.”

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Allies and axis react to their s/o opening up about their chronic depression when their bf asks to move in together?

Like, their s/o basically says “there are days where no matter how hard I try I can’t get out of bed. There will be times where I don’t shower and don’t eat, where I lock myself away and start crying uncontrollably. Are you sure you’re ready to deal with me when I’m having my not-so-pretty moments?”

QwQ I know the feeling. The bad days can suck SO hard. I think the worst one I had was when I just, laid in bed whenever I had the chance. Pro-tip. Even if you feel like doing nothing, do not lay down. It really does make it worse... Especially because I was prone to fall asleep and then I wasn't sleeping at night, and it became a mess and wasn't worth it.

Trigger warning: Mentions of depression and plausible related triggers.

Allies and Axis moving in with a Chronically Depressed S/O!

Allies:

America:

He gave them a relatively sad look, but promised that no matter what he still loves them.

He know what's like to have his downs, but that's with reason.

Not many people were by his side during those times.

He starts with basic questions like, what they need. For them, and from him.

He's more than prepared to do what it takes to help them, even if he has to make a fool of himself, or finally learn how to put himself on mute.

If they're going to have such terrible lows the least he can do is fill the rest of their days with the highest of highs! Maybe that will be the key to helping them get through things.

Expect cheesy love letters to be slipped through the door during those times. It's always worth reading them.

Especially on the worst days where getting out of bed is hard, small achievements like picking up a piece of paper might be helpful. Even if it's just slightly.

England:

He nods and doesn't even interrupt them while they explain.

He admits that he might not be fully prepared for it, but is more than happy to learn.

If he ever does something, anything, that might make things worse to at least communicate he's done wrong.

After a few hours of research he makes sure to run his findings by his lover, and together they pick out strategies that might help in those situations.

He went as far as to buy a small hanging sign they can put on their door when they aren't feeling their best.

Even if his S/O thinks it's childish, he keeps it just in case.

France:

He knows what lonely nights feels like, but has never had any major lows.

So expect a couple tough questions about possible triggers to avoid.

He even goes as far as making a sort of safe word for them and their emotions.

He understands he can get too handsy when he tries to cheer someone up, but also accepts that some days, touching or talking is a no go.

Shoo Fly is the safe word for no touching, and a five rapid eye blinks is code for when and if they go nonverbal, or don't want to talk.

He also takes 'no' for an answer, but he hopes the silly code words and actions lift their mood, even slightly.

When the worst of the worst comes around, he'll be more than okay with just sitting beside them until it's over. Chocolates at the ready when they come around.

China:

He's super in thought.

Part of him knows it might be an uphill battle those days.

But then he remembers he literally lives on the most peaceful and calming part of his country.

Taking it into consideration he runs by them his own problems and wants to make sure they'll be able to handle him as well

Let's face it, china can be a bit arrogant and/or sensitive and sometimes just says the wrong thing.

These two traits might cross over every now and then, and he wants to know if they're going to be alright with that.

He knows he's not the best with people and can be pushy, but he can learn paitence.

Even if it takes a few mistakes.

Best thing to do when and if it happens is to not respond when he's done or said something hurtful. He'll eventually realize what he's done and apologize.

Russia:

He certainly understands what that's like.

Russia has gone nonverbal before when he's hit a low stride.

"There is no worry because I will not let you have the time to be sad!"

He says that with such confidence, but deep down he's worried something will go wrong.

He knows he doesn't always understand people's feelings, especially after being with his S/O, and is nervous.

Eventually he tells them they should wait until he does understand their problem.

Even if they have to repeat it 100 times, he's going to figure it out!

But when it does happen, and he sees how bad it can get it almost just- clicks for him.

He's immediately by their side humming to them, and rubbing their back. He let's them through tantrums, and pound their fists on him if they need it.

Anything to shake it off as quickly as possible.

Axis:

Germany:

He's a very self disciplined man, and takes such things with a serious nature.

He asks all the questions about what they need and what he can do in those times.

He, very tenderly and carefully, asks them if they'd ever had days where self harm was considered.

No matter their anwser he nods and let's them know he'll do what he can to help.

He even took major mental notes of their favorite foods and such.

Unlike some of the others this doesn't change much to the relationship.

He treats them like he normally does, via asks them occasionally where their mental health is.

Even if it's out of the blue, some days it comes in handy and the both of them either catch it before it happens, or the very least prepare a few things his precious jewel needs.

When their lows hit and no one is prepared he's going to have a good balance of giving them space, and simultaneously being by their side.

Japan:

He's very quiet and a very good listener.

Also known for reading the room, so he's had his suspensions

He obviously still wants them to move in, and even asks if they want a special room they can go too that will help them

Japan him self has a very special place he goes to, to clear his mind.

He's actually really chill about it.

His S/O might get some extra cuddles when those times come around.

8/10 times they will sleep through their lows when he's holding them.

Will always wake up to a nice warm cup of tea, a handful of fluffy animals surrounding them, and a Japan who's reading nearby.

Italy:

He gets kind of sad.

He voices his concern about not really know what to do in those situations.

That actually leads into a two person cry session because they both seem to hit their lows hard.

This is how they find out Italy has times where he forces himself to be happy for the sake of others.

It drains him both physically and emotionally.

So he's learned to have a couple days of the week where he gives himself a hard reset.

I.E a makeshift spa day.

Pasta and pastries included.

His S/O might be surprised at how hard it is to stay upset during those times.

They might still go through the motions, but Italy is right there to try and dampen the effect.

One of the face masks he makes actually bubbles and just, puts them to sleep.

The days they can't get out of bed, he will do whatever they want. He also takes the time to paint their nails or do something that requires them to do nothing. It's still a small achievement and he hopes they feel better because of it.