#they get together 9 hours in because I need a slow burn

[oh-surprise-its-me]

I wanna watch Geralt and Jaskier in a 18 hour long romance movie where they get together half way through and the last 9 hours is just them speed running all the fan fic au’s

[hazbinshusk]

Randomly popped into my head

Husk and a stubborn sick reader, where the reader so badly wants to get up and go and do things, but Husk won't let them. And they get into a mini fight over it before Husk makes a deal (wink wink) with them that if they stay, Husk will stay with them and they'll do something like binge movies or voxflix or board games or just cuddle

combining with a request for a kiss prompt because they sound so sweet together :)

prompt #9: a kiss to the eyelid.

Husk rolls his eyes as you try and clamber out of bed again, taking hold of your shoulders and guiding you back down to sit on the edge of the mattress. You fix him with a petulantly furrowed brow, arms folded over your chest. He sighs, amused despite himself. “You might as well can it with the glare, sweetness. I ain’t lettin’ you outta this room.”

“God, I hate you,” you grumble.

“No, you don’t.” he replies easily, the beginnings of a smile teasing at the edge of his lips. He brushes hair away from your forehead, and your eyes close for a moment as his claws graze softly against your scalp. “And God ain’t listenin’.”

“Well, why would he start now?” you joke weakly, grimacing as another wave of nausea rolls through you. “And no, I don’t.”

Husk smiles fully, but it disappears again with another roll of his eyes as you push past him towards the door again. He turns and grabs hold of your wrist, wings fluttering slightly behind him as they settle against his shoulders again. His tail twitches by his ankle slowly. “You’re sick, damn it.”

“I’m not sick,” you argue, even as you can feel the slight sheen of sweat on your temple as your fever rises. “I’m just—”

“Baby, I swear, if I have to spend the next hour combin’ puke outta my fur—”

“Oh, like you’ve never had to do that before.”

Husk chuckles, taking hold of your waist and trying to guide you back towards the bed.

“I’m not sick, for fuck’s sake.” you repeat, pushing him away irritably. “I’m not staying up here all day by myself. I’ll go insane. I’m going to go downstairs, talk to Charlie, and find… find out what she needs me to do for the hotel.”

The bartender growls quietly under his breath, officially annoyed. He had a world of patience for you, but it was beginning to wear thin. “You ain’t gonna get better—”

“I’m not sick.”

“—if you don’t slow down.” He retakes your waist, this time nuzzling his face into the curve of your neck. You feel yourself relax into the sensation of it, breath catching as his lips brush your jaw. His nose is cold, and as much as you would hate to admit it, the feeling of it bumping against your heated skin is a nice reprieve from the burn of the slight fever you definitely don’t have. Husk hums, low and rusty, in your ear, his forehead resting against your temple. “C’mon, sweetness. Bed.”

“Ugh,” you groan childishly. “You don’t even mean for sex.”

Husk laughs, turning you and guiding you back to the bed. You let him set you on the mattress, frowning up at him. He smiles, bending down to press a kiss to your forehead. You smile contentedly at the brief contact. “I’ll come up and check on you in a bit, yeah?”

You shake your head, grabbing hold of one of his suspenders. “Uh-uh. If I’m stuck up here, you’re staying too. I’ll go crazy in here by myself.”

Husk sighs, a furrow deepening in his brow. “Y’know I want to, baby. But I’ve got the bar, and Al isn’t—”

“Alastor can kiss my ass.” you say firmly, taking hold of his other suspender and drawing him closer to you. He steps between your knees, an almost amused tilt to his lips.

“Y’know I think it’s sexy when you talk like that, sweetness, but that ain’t how this works.”

You shake your head. “I mean it; Charlie told you to make sure I was feeling better, right?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Then do that. Contract or no, I’m pretty sure Charlie outranks that smiling psycho as long as we’re in the hotel.”

Husk’s smile widens despite himself, pressing another kiss to your forehead. He dusts kisses over your face, lips lingering on your cheekbone, your eyelids. “You’re dangerous.”

“Stay with me?”

Husk rumbles in the back of his throat, bumping his forehead against yours. “If I stay, will you stay in bed?”

“For the un-fun reasons, right?”

“’m sure we can find somethin’ fun to do.” he assures you, gesturing for you to move back against the pillows. You do so, and he climbs in beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Just need to hold off on the naked kind ‘til I’m sure you’re not gonna toss your cookies on the sheets.”

“Spoilsport.”

Husk chuckles, bumping his nose against your temple. “Movie?”

You nod, curling into his side. Despite your protestations, being like this, with him… it was exactly where you wanted to be. “Movie.”

“That’s my girl.”

send me a prompt and either husk or blitzø

[ugh-to-love-a-boy]

DATING SERO, MINA, AND DENKI WOULD INCLUDE!

DATING HANTA SERO WOULD INCLUDE

• Spider-Man kisses I know its probably over said, but he would tape himself up and kiss his s/o randomly.

• hanging out with the Bakusquad and being best friends with Denki and Mina, doing chaotic things that make Bakugo question why those are his friends.

• This man is a gentleman, so if you want to take it slow, he’s respectful and stays within the set boundaries. He would never ever force anyone into something they don’t want.

s/o,• If Mineta was caught staring or he heard him say something about his s/o he would probably tape his mouth shut and get either Mr. Aizawa or Bakugo to do something more,because cause he would probably just get his s/o and get them away from the pervert.

• As stated earlier, he stays within boundaries, so when it comes to PDA, he doesn’t really have a problem with it. He’s fine with hand-holding hugs and kisses if you are too great, but if you are not, he’s respectful of that and just sticks to hand-holding.

• Though I feel like he would definitely be affectionate, cuddles in the commons, watching movies with the bakusquad, or just in your room or in his, and forehead kisses are probably what he enjoys both receiving and giving, though if his s/o is too short, he’s okay with just hand kisses.

• and he probably gives you adorable little gifts, nothing costly, given the fact that you’re both just high schoolers.

DATING DENKI KAMINARI WOULD INCLUDE

• You would have to put up with his atrocious flirting skills, though after a while you’d think it’s cute how he still tries to win you over when you're already his and he’s yours.

• You now have a portable outlet anywhere you go. Your phone needs charging. He’s got your hearing aids. He’s got you literally anything that requires electricity. He would use his quirk for it.

• Now hanging out with the bakusquad is really fun. Being close friends with Mina and Sero, you would almost always be up to your weird shenanigans. Kirishima loves you and Denki together, but he’s running out of energy trying to keep Bakugo calm.

• If he caught Mineta, his (now former) friend, talking about his s/o, he would not be cool about it; he would most likely scream about it, getting the attention of half the dorms instantly, including Mr. Aizawa, who was not happy about Mineta yet again being a pervert.

• This man is a simp for his s/o, and he wants everyone to know they are his, so hand-holding and quick kisses throughout the day make him happier than anything.

• As stated above, he’s affectionate, so everyone knew you were dating within a couple of hours, but the poor Bakusquad had the worst of it; they had to see his flirting with you and the cuddling anytime they hung out.

• Now, when he’s nervous, it’s not very rare that he would accidentally shock you while holding hands in training camp. You were holding hands when the attack began, and he shocked you.

DATING MINA ASHIDO WOULD INCUDE

• late-night sleepovers Either she is sneaking into your room because she is bored, or you are sneaking into her room because you are bored.

• random shopping sprees with Momo and what you two can’t afford; that’s why you have Momo.

• Hanging out with the Bakusquad is a given, and being besties with Kirishima while things get crazy somehow means Bakugou doesn’t try to kill you two.

• skin care/self-care nights with the girls every week, just going over the random things that take place at UA

• Personal alone time is sweet; she is a very affectionate girlfriend, holding piggyback rides, kisses, and cuddling the whole 9-yard

• If she so much as thought Mineta was staring at her, she would threaten to burn his eyeballs right out of his body with her acid, and if she heard him say anything, she would threaten his tongue next.

• From her bubbly nature, she is friends with almost everyone, so with you together, you are also friends with almost all of Mineta and a handful of people from 1-B.

• You are always either hanging out with her or talking, and if you are not fine, it's not like a codependent relationship; you just bring out the best in each other.

[rafyki]

Goth! Nico/ Surfer! Percy AU Part 9!

I'm back!! I hope you missed me as much as I missed posting lmao This chapter wasn't planned honestly, I wanted to write directly their beach 'date', but then this happened and I decided it's gonna be one more chapter before the date - sorry xD I bet y'all are tired of this slow burn, but i promise they're gonna get together soon!

(I hope the texting format is easy to read here on tumblr, but otherwise you can read it on AO3)

Enjoy~

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

You can also read it on AO3!!

~~~

Percy: Ehi, Nico! You have the afternoon shift tomorrow, right? Let’s hang out at the beach again after it?

Me: Percy, hi!

Me: So you really do know all my shift hours, huh?

Percy:  What can i say, Im a great obsever

Me: Huh, are you?

Percy: For important things at least

Percy: so is that a yes?

Me: of course

Me: No need to tell you what time I finish, I guess

Percy: nope 

Percy: 20ish right?

Me: yeah

Me:  see you tomorrow?

Percy: yep

Percy: see you tmorrow! 

Nico had been rereading the conversation for the best part of the previous night, and the first thing he had done after waking up had been checking his phone once again to make sure he hadn’t just made it up in his dreams. He knew the short exchange by heart now, yet he kept staring at it, reading it over and over again. Part of himself was afraid it would disappear if he so much as locked his phone and looked away for a second too long.

Their chance meeting at the beach three days prior still felt like a waking dream, like he had hoped so much for something like that to happen that he had started hallucinating. He wondered if hallucinations always felt so real, if they would let you to feel the water splashing against your legs, the warmth of the setting sun on your skin, or the pressure of a hand holding yours, the touch soft and warm, everything and more Nico had let himself dreaming about for the past months. The way Percy had smiled at him had been so beautiful that Nico’s mind probably wouldn’t have been able to conjure something like it if it hadn’t been real.

Still, it didn’t feel real.

Leo and Jason would have probably blamed the feeling on Nico’s self sabotaging tendencies. You’re allowed to have nice things, Nico, they would tell him.

Was he? Could he let himself hope that he could really have this? His heart was going berserk in his chest at the sole thought.

Percy had stopped to talk to him at the beach, Percy had taken his hand and held it while walking in the water, Percy had memorized his schedule and asked for his phone number; Percy had texted him first and asked him to hang out again.

For important things at least.

Percy had said that. Important. Nico wanted to scream.

His phone's sudden ringing almost made him jump out of his skin. It was Jason’s number, but it was Leoìs voice that greeted him from the other end of the line.

“Hi there, goth boy, so how ya feeling for your date today?”

“Not a date, Leo, shut up- and why are you calling me with Jason’s phone?”

Of course, Nico’s traitor heart stumbled on the word date. It wasn’t, and he couldn’t simply assume otherwise, it would make things awkward, wouldn’t it? And so far nothing had ever been too awkward with Percy - Nico surely wouldn’t be the one to make everything between them crumbling down for expecting too much.

“Not important-”

“He lost his phone”, came Jason’s voice. “Again. By the way, hi Nico”.

Nico rolled his eyes at their antics. “Hi Jason”.

“Anyway!”, Leo jumped in. “How are you feeling for your ‘not date’ then?”

“I hate you, Valdez”, Nico groaned, letting himself fall backward on his bed. His heart didn’t seem willing to stop running like crazy anytime soon, his hands were sweating from anticipation and tension.

“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

He put his phone on speaker just so he could set it aside, take a pillow, and scream into it.

Apparently, his suffering was extremely funny to Leo, because his obnoxious laugh came as a reply. “I’ll take it as a yes”, he said.

“Nico, I’m sure everything’s gonna be great”, Jason said. “You’ll have fun, get to know him better, and then-”

“Then you’ll finally date, hopefully”, Leo finished.

Once again, Nico’s heart skipped a beat and did a little dance in his chest. He threw the pillow aside. “What if I make a fool of myself though?”

“Well, your boy has made a fool of himself plenty of times already, hasn’t he? I mean, he knows your schedule by heart”, Leo replied. “So I’m sure you’ll be fine”.

Jason laughed at that, and after a moment Nico joined him.

~~~

Nico expected his shift at the kiosk to last an eternity, stretching on and on to keep him apart from finally seeing Percy in the evening. And, truth be told, the first couple of hours were just like that, long and boring and way too slow.

It changed when his phone notified him of a new text.

Percy: i got work today so im coming to teh beach latr 

Percy: ill meet you at the kiosk!

Nico’s heart was starting to become extremely good at doing somersaults in his chest. There were no customers at that moment, so he had time to reply, his fingers shaking just slightly as he wrote back.

Me: alright, I’ll meet you here then

Me: What time do you finish at work?

Percy: What, you wana learn my scdheule too?

Me: It's only fair, isn’t it?

And so, they ended up texting back and forth for a while and, after that, the time seemed to move faster, the day shining brighter, and Nico’s customers’ smile felt just that tiny bit more honest.

Nico’s internal list of the things he knew about Percy kept growing longer by the minute; he liked to text and wasn’t afraid to double text, his spelling mistakes were so atrocious they left Nico smiling and feeling so endeared it was almost ridiculous.

Nico’s nerves eased with every new text, his heart now beating out of excitement and anticipation more than fear and anxiety. The evening couldn’t come fast enough.

Me: Why are you spending so much time texting me instead of working

Percy: Why, arent you enjoying it :( 

Me: not what I said!

Me: i wouldn’t be replying if i weren’t enjoying it

Percy: :D 

Percy: im on break anyay

Percy:  what abot you, youre also on your phone instead of workin

Me: there aren’t many customers today

Me: no one to buy the same old blue drink

Nico put the phone aside for a moment, hiding his smile behind his hand and hoping that no one would think he was a creepy psycho smiling for no reason. He had every reason to smile. Flirting was easier through text, even if he kept spending minutes on end before forcing himself to press send. The downside of it was that it was way more difficult to avoid it when Percy flirted back.

Percy: aww you miss me?

He wrote and then deleted a reply a few times. He was lucky Jason and Leo weren’t there today to see him being like this or they would have made fun of him for the rest of their lives. 

It was strange. Nico was feeling embarrassed, but in an easy lighthearted way, and that made him feel just that little bit braver. Maybe it was because Percy was willingly spending his break texting him instead of whatever else he usually did; maybe it was the fact that he had the feeling Percy was feeling just like him.

He wrote a reply, looked at it for a few seconds and pressed send before he could overthink it too much.

Me: Maybe

Just then, before having the time to send a second text for damage control, a customer came and Nico had to put his phone down to serve them. His heart kept hammering in his chest the whole time, and his eyes kept stealing glances at the phone, hoping to see it ring. It was taking a little longer than usual for Percy to reply, and Nico didn’t know if it was because he had scared him away or flustered him too much.

When it did notify him of a new series of texts, he was still busy with new customers, and it took him all of his willpower not to make them wait while he checked his phone.

Finally, he thanked and said goodbye to the last customer of the queue, he moved so fast he almost stumbled on his own feet; and when he read what Percy had written, his heart was ready to jump out of his chest and start dancing on the counter.

Percy: me too

Percy: maybe

Percy: goot thign were seeing each other in a couple huors

Percy: cant wait

He read the words, reread it again and then again, once again feeling like they were nothing but a pipe dream. He blinked, and they were still there when he opened his eyes again. 

Maybe he really could let himself hope this time.

Me: me too

Time definitely couldn’t pass fast enough. 

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Buddie in S8 and Slow Burns:

so those of you who follow me or see my posts popping up in the buddie tags know that i am still apprehensive of believing that we will actually get buddie canon in s8. tim has done too much to destroy my trust in him as a writer, and the show has baited us with buddie far too many times for me to easily take anything as a “clear/obvious sign that buddie is happening” when it is just as likely that we are being clowned yet again

that being said, IF we get buddie canon, it needs to happen fairly quickly. I have seen a lot of people saying things like “I don’t want buddie to go canon until the s8 finale” which, i disagree with.

I know a lot of people are saying this because they want a mutual pining era, but i don’t think these people are grasping the fact that if they waited until the finale, that is 18 episodes of tv to fill with something of substance for buddie. Another eighteen episodes; almost eighteen hours of tv. Even with a mutual pining era, that is far too long for them to continue dragging this story out.

Yes, i know that if they are going for a slow burn, that that takes time, but good lord it’s been 6 seasons of actively building up to a relationship… they’ve had six years of stalling, they need to go ahead and fucking commit to it, not take 18 more agonizing episodes of them dragging their feet. If you commit to them having acknowledged feelings for each other, they don’t need more than one or two episodes of mutual pining before it would start getting old.

realistically, we could have a fully fleshed out queer arc for eddie AND mutual pining leading to buddie canon within 8a. 8 or 9 episodes is MORE than enough time to build up to that with what they have to work with— they’ve reached the point for conceivably going canon so many times that it feels like there isn’t any build anymore; it feels like they’ve parked the bus a half mile from the station, and have started doing a thorough inspection on all the parts after driving almost the whole distance.

i know we love drama and angst and slow burns— that’s the appeal of buddie as a ship; but this slowburn has been way beyond fully cooked since s4, and there is no need to keep cooking it (unless they’re just baiting us, which in that case we need to decide when enough is enough and call it a day on this show)

this is not a fanfic that has no expiration date. this show isn’t going to last forever. i ship buddie because i want to actually see them navigating a relationship— i don’t ship them to be edged for 7 years just for them to go canon for one singular episode. i want to see them bask in each other’s love, i want to see them living together with the happiness they’ve been chasing their whole lives, i want to see them encounter speedbumps, and go through hardships together. That is why i ship characters. The chase is fun for a while, but I actually want to see what happens once the chase is over, and them going canon in the last episode is not narratively satisfying to me, and at this point feels like a copout for the writers.

We don’t know how long past s8 this show will last. we don’t even know if we’re getting a s9, let alone more. it’s already unheard of for tv shows to reach this longevity post-2016, we can’t just go into each season assuming that we still have all the time in the world for them to give us buddie. the reality is we don’t have all the time in the world, and this is the make-or-break season.

we don’t need 18 more episodes of stagnant growth. if they’re going to give us buddie, they need to stop dragging it out and just give it to us if they actually intend to, not cop-out and give us a last minute kiss in the season/possible series finale.

anyway, getting off my soapbox for now, but i just wanted to get those thoughts off my chest.

[blissfulip]

Dopamine

on AO3

Viktor x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

Tags: enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, idiots in love (?) dubious science, mostly canon compliant, no use of y/n, chemist!reader, eventual smut, masturbation, angry sex, unprotected sex,

Cw: uhhhh smut

Words: 2.5k

[A/N: russian very kindly corrected by soln, ly<3, tags and content warnings to be updated in each chapter, updates weekly(ish). (also, let me know if you want to be tagged in fic updates!)]

Tags: @ihopeinevergetsoberr @chemical-killjoy @jinxed-jk @bobobomao

Previous Next

Chapter 6: Big-headed? (NSFW)

The corridor leading to Heimerdinger's office was markedly narrower and longer than the others at The Academy, as though he was covertly attempting to thwart visitors. It didn’t stop you, however, and as you found out when you got there, it hadn’t stopped Viktor either. It made sense that, at one point in his life, long before you even met each other, these halls must have been a habitual destination. His close-knit relationship with the professor also showed itself confidently in the volume of his voice, a line that, despite your frustration with the situation, you’d never dare to cross.

You had every intention of staying put and waiting for him to come out, but the half-open door compromised your presence, and given that you were almost certainly there to make a fuss about the same issue, you decided to get it done and over with; after all, perchance Viktor's presence there could give your argument a compelling edge.

"Well, I’m glad you were able to join us at last, dear. I trust you are feeling better." Heimerdinger started.

“I’m okay; yes, thank you for the concern, professor. I should say I have a surmise that I am here for the same reason as him."

“Yes, I was trying to argue that our work styles do not meld well, and making us work together for any period of time greater than 5 minutes could be catastrophic; would you confirm as much?”

“Absolutely, I can do the work all on my own if that’s necessary; just don't make me work with him.”

“Interestingly enough, he has offered to do the same. Although I do commend both of you for your altruism, I must insist. This is what the Academy has decided.”

“Professor, if I may—"

“Enough delays, my boy; the decision is final. If I were you, I would get to it immediately; you have only a couple of hours to work.” You were swiftly rushed out the door by him, swept away by tiny, impatient footsteps and a heavy wooden door closing behind you.

Another door closed right on your faces when the sweet librarian denied you access on the pretense that your arguing had inconvenienced a whole two people the past couple of weeks, and you were now banned from using the premises at the same time. You had to compromise and go in by yourself to get the books you needed and then go all the way to the half-empty and uncomfortably cold cafeteria tables, where you worked tirelessly until you were yet again kicked out once the place closed. 

-------------------------

A couple infectious yawns and rubbed eyes later, you leaned back on the stiff plastic chair and stretched your back.

“What time is it?”

“Past 9.” Viktor answered after lazily turning around to try to make out what the clock read. You groaned loudly.

“We’ll need to move again—my dorm or yours?"

“Mine is probably cleaner.”

“Are you implying I’m messy?”

“No, I am affirming as much.”

“Rude.” You were offended, though only as a habit, because he was not entirely wrong.

“Oh no, have I offended you? Someone put me out of my misery!” He dramatized.

“I’d be first in line.” You said already standing up and walking in the direction of his dormitory.

--------------------------------------------------------

“Not everything needs to be done your way, you know?"

In the wake of the cafeteria work stretch, you had found yourselves completely spent and depleted. With most of the work done and text written, you had taken some minutes to stretch and rest your eyes. Viktor had informed you as soon as you got there that it was imperative that you were as silent as possible, given the next-door neighbor's propensity to complain about noise.

You did your best to keep it down, of course, and granted, you had been doing a particularly good job. That is, until Viktor decided to wonder who between the two of you would be the one actually giving the speech with the material you had prepared. Although you did your best to ask him politely at first, his immediate negative response caused you to get defensive.

“I wrote most of the text; why can’t you just do me a favor once?

“It’s not a favor if you have to throw me under a train for it! You know I hate speaking in public, and genuinely, I’m dog-tired of you being so incorrigibly selfish.”

“I’m not selfish, how am I selfish?” You said almost forgetting you had to keep the volume down.

“You never think about any consequences, ever. You can go around saying you are a free spirit and spontaneous and fun as much as you like, but if truth be told, you are nothing but cataclysmic chaos!”

“I don’t make mistakes on purpose, Viktor; it happens; you just have zero empathy because you insist on making everyone believe you are the Academy’s perfect golden boy! You never make mistakes, and you never do anything wrong, right?. But I know all you really do is push people away because everyone is afraid of disappointing you! I don't know. If you were a little less hostile, maybe you’d have some friends."

“You mean friends like you? I’d rather staple my ears together than be friends with a jumbled  mess. He said, standing up from the chair, his nose flaring up as he inhaled a sharp breath and held his cane forcefully. “You are so excruciatingly intolerable, overwhelming, big-headed—”

“Big-headed?"

“That is what you take offense to?”

You couldn’t say anything beyond a dismissive shrug, and you knew your disregard for his opinion was what would sting the most anyway.

The silence was loud; it could be felt in the air between you, the irate flare of irritation in his gritted teeth, his ears colored in that familiar tone of blush, and his eyebrows uncomfortably knit together as he whisper-screamed at you. He took a couple steps forward, leaving you at no farther than a palm's distance. The sudden closeness somehow did not bother you; you could hear both of your breaths, heavy and panting from the strain of containing your screams, and you could tell by the heat you felt all over your head and stomach that your cheeks probably mirrored the flush on Viktor’s face.

In hindsight, you never really understood why you didn’t talk back to him after that last comment. You had so many things in mind you could have said, but an unknown force pulled your attention away from his amber eyes glowing with rage to his lips instead, which were a bloody cherry red from biting on them too much. You couldn’t look away, and Viktor quickly noticed.

Then his shoulders visibly lost tension.

"Ah…prydoruk,” he whispered, mostly to himself, and you wished you understood because it somehow felt like another insult. Perplexity became fright when the loud clang of his cane falling directed your eyes to the floor, but in an instant, both of his hands were holding your face firmly, and one of them slithered in between the locks of your hair.

You hated how fast your guard fell. His fingers, icy yet delicate, caressing the lines of your jaw, were enough to disarm you completely. You mouthed multiple offenses at him under your breath as you searched for his lips. You were agonizingly in need of each other’s taste. Your hands had a strong grip on his shirt, tugging at it unintentionally as your body, which desperately wanted that idiot, tried to gripe with your rationality. The war in Viktor’s mind was a similar one, but just as much as yours, his body was unable to pull back.

Eventually you needed to catch your breath from the kiss, beyond hungry, and when you pulled back just slightly, you looked at each other like two deer in headlights, frozen in place by a blend of contradicting emotions that prevented you from moving and still holding each other closely. Viktor moved first, and when he kissed you again, you could feel his hands move almost on their own, going against his orders to wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him. He felt his lungs grow hungry for air as his tongue buried itself deep inside your throat.

“Stop pulling," he tried to whisper in between kisses. You shushed him, bringing a finger up to his lips, and started leaving a trail of kisses along his jawbone. “If you tear my shirt, I—” He tried once again, but your lips got to his neck at the same time, and his sentence changed into a muffled groan.

“I won’t. Just shut up; don’t make me think too much about this; just sh—”

“So crass,” he said as he walked backwards to the bed, pulling you along with him. “You’re so unpleasant."

“You have history that says otherwise, asshat."

You already had a leg on the bed, fully intending to push him on it to straddle his lap, but he moved faster than you could think and shifted to hover above you. He crawled up slowly without ever stopping the deep kiss you were sharing and used one of his knees to push your legs apart, positioning himself between them. You tried not to react, but the feeling of his erection against you prompted a slight chuckle to come out of your throat. 

“If this is how you get when I’m unpleasant, I can’t imagine what could happen if I were nice to you.” you smirked. He sank his teeth against your skin in response, leaving a small bite mark on your collarbone before he whispered.

“You are not funny, Zaychik."

“You’re just humorless." You said this as you pulled his shirt over his head. This must have been the open invitation he was waiting for to introduce a hand under your dress, completely bunching it up to gain precious access to your bare chest.

Although the energy of the room had shifted noticeably, the pooling heat in between you never replaced the ravenous disposition. You still felt the frustration in him as he bit into you multiple times, leaving a wake of purple and red bruises you would have to explain the next day. You didn’t know if his motivations were guided by a fit of lust or if it was a way to punish you for all of the irritation you had caused him throughout the years of knowing each other; either way, it felt good, and you did not care to keep pondering.

His hand trickled down to your underwear in excruciatingly slow designs, one of his eyebrows raising in a self-congratulatory expression when he felt the dampness of the fabric.

“Pat yourself in the back; why don't you?” You said, rolling your eyes. He did not answer, and, to your astonishment, he did not take your underwear off. He took his hand back up, bringing the fingers wet with arousal into his mouth, pulled down the elastic of his sweatpants and underwear to reveal a cock you wished you hadn’t gasped at, and pulled your underwear to the side to position himself at your entrance, all without ever breaking eye contact.

Even though he was panting abnormally loud and you could tell he would probably soon burst into a cloud of smoke, he still nodded slightly at you, asking for confirmation, and when you nodded back, he impatiently tilted his hips as far as the position allowed it and his leg could withstand, plunging into you with hungry zeal. He didn’t start slow; he was incisive and deep with every thrust, making sure he was completely inside you with every move. Calculated bastard

You used both hands around his back to hold yourself steady, your not exactly manicured nails digging into the soft flesh of his shoulder blades as you did your best to not make any noises too loud. Down on the bed under him, you pondered the dim light in the room and the curious designs of the roof. They might as well have been figments of your imagination, swirls of light and haziness as your eyes filled with tears.

You confused the erratic rhythm of his hips for what you thought at first was the arrival of his unraveling and immediately realized was simply his leg tiring out, and you gathered enough momentum to push him off of you, his back now on the bed, and you were ready to ride him. Long overdue, you thought, you couldn’t let him get his way with you without having a mirriad of his whimpers to your name. Your pace wasn’t slow either; you drove him into you with the roll of your hips, making sure you could feel him in the right spots.

The look of enamoured trance on his face as you bounced on his lap was far from the vexed expression you were expecting, and the suppressed groans of pleasure touched something in you that made you suddenly bashful. You leaned over to nuzzle your face against the crook of his neck and pressed your lips against his when his grin was getting too wide for comfort. You devoured each other again for what felt like too little time before you could feel the overwhelming heat in your core preparing you for your climax.

You tried to tell Viktor you were about to come, but something in your face must have made that obvious, because he brought you close again by the back of your neck, your mouths nearly touching each other as he spoke.

“Say my name,” he murmured into your mouth.

“Yeah, right”

The hand on your neck slithered its way up to your hair, which he tugged at firmly.

“Say it; I know you’re close.”

“Fuck you.” You hissed, neither of you being able to contain a half-pleasure, half irritation, out-of-breath groan.

It didn’t take much longer before you felt the brief pain and sweet spasm that followed it, and Viktor revealed the feeling of your walls contracting around his cock. You took a second to compose yourself with your forehead pressed against his, and then gave him a devilish grin as you slid down to his lap. His eyes opened wide when you pressed the heat of his erection flat on your tongue, taking it in as far as you could manage.

His head shot back and his face contorted in pleasure, the hand that hadn’t left your hair oscillating between pulling at it harshly and gently caressing your head. You tasted him, salty, in your throat soon enough, and sat up after swallowing every drop of it. Viktor drew you back to him, and you laid there next to each other, avoiding eye contact, even though you were too high from your orgasms to feel any regret yet.

‘Yet’ came soon enough, though.

[i-magines]

Wildest Dreams: Chapter 3

Pedro Pascal x fem!Reader

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6  | CHAPTER 7 | CHAPTER 8 | CHAPTER 9 | CHAPTER 10

synopsis: You’re an assistant director in an indie movie set and fate makes sure you keep crossing paths with a certain Chilean actor.  

disclaimer: This is my first Pedro Pascal’s fictional work + the first fanfic I write in English, as it isn’t my first language. Unfortunately, I do not own Pedro and this is all a product of my imagination.

rating: M (keep scrolling if your under 18 please)

warnings: age gap, mature content, fem!reader, eventual drinking and drugs, a little smut but nothing crazy (yet), a bit slow burn but not really.  

word count: 1,509

Over the first month, your friendship with Pedro only grew stronger. You were afraid once the production set was moved to the country, he was going to just disappear, as you were no longer roommates. You’d be lying to yourself if you said he didn’t make you feel anything, especially with how charming and flirting he was. You both had shared a lot of personal stuff over smoking joints and you were already used to hanging out together after a day of filming. But today things were going to be different, because the producers had organized a little happy hour for the crew.

Speaking of them, you had asked Pedro to keep your friendship on the low, at least during the job. You knew what everyone would say and think, mostly about you alone, so you were looking after yourself. He understood that and apparently didn’t care to be sneaking out like a teenager to spend some time with you.

“There you are”, Pedro happily greeted you on the corner of the happy hour room, about two hours into the event. “I almost didn’t get the chance to see you today. How’s everything going?”

At this point, you were certain the director hated you, but thank God he was the only one. Everyone else seemed to really like you and your work, which helped a lot with your anxiety.

“He spent the day trying to drive me crazy… Again”, you told Pedro. “You?”

“I would definitely rather be directed by you, if I’m being honest” he said in sympathy. “But yeah, it won’t take long for me to tell him to fuck off. Super nicely, of course.”

You both laughed. You could see he had been drinking and so did everybody in the room. Somebody turned up the music and Pedro dragged you to the improvised dance floor. You danced for about half an hour, until you saw him going to talk to Donna, one of the producers. They seemed friendly— too friendly, if somebody asked your opinion. You noticed it before, how close they acted sometimes, but at the end of the day, it was none of your business. Flo, the make-up artist that got you the job, got your attention and you walked to her.

“What’s up with that face?” She shot you the question. Flo was in her mid 40s and you got to know her in your first gig, since then she was always trying to connect you with people. You really liked her and, most importantly, trusted her. “You looked like you were about to commit murder on the dance floor. I know Dave is giving you a hard time, but honestly he is doing this to every single soul.”

“I was just wondering, is Donna taken?”, you asked as if you had no intention behind it.

“Yeah, I think so”, she told you. “Why? You gay too?”

“Someti— wait, what?” You stared at each other for a few seconds. “Is she?”

“As far as I know”, she said simply. “And by that I mean I’ve known her for about 10 years now. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No, you didn’t. I mean, good for her, right.”

You decided you need to put your shit together now on. You excused yourself and went to get another drink — you can be a new woman tomorrow. You took some shots and got a drink to hold while you watched everyone dancing and having a good time. You tried to force yourself to stop thinking about your crush on Pedro.

“I need professional help”, you whispered to yourself.

“And why is that?”

“Shit, Pedro!” You jumped, realizing he was right by your side. “You scared the shit out of me, you shithead.”

“Wow, language, sweetheart”, he laughed at your reaction, putting his arm over your shoulder. “What are you up to?”

“Not much, just enjoying the free drinks”, you replied, also enjoying the proximity of his body. “I can see you’re enjoying them yourself.”

“Nah, I’m thinking about getting out of here, people are starting to get too drunk and God forbid I witness anything I can’t unsee”, he was being playful and seemed happy when he got a smile out of you. “Care to join me? Or you already have plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, you know me, Miss Popularity herself”, you both laughed. “Seriously, though. I’m ready whenever you are.”

“Is it okay if we leave together? Considering your privacy policy”, he whispered in your ear. Only if he knew how weak that makes you. You just nodded. “After you, mi princesa.”

Fuck you, Pedro Pascal, you thought as you made the effort to move your shaking legs. Two options: first, he had no idea of his effects on you, or second, he did know that and he just liked to torture you. However it is, you were not willing to make a move to figure it out. 

The location of the shooting was a huge farm, so you walked together through the open field, towards his cabin. You got inside and took your shoes off.

“Hey, mister ‘I’m just a common worker as everybody else’, tell me again why exactly you are the only one with a private hot tube”, you teased him. He laughed. “Is it because you’re such good friends with Donna?”.

“So that’s what it was about back in the happy hour?” Pedro looked deeply into your eyes. “Such a jealous little girl, uh?”

You looked away, embarrassed. You can’t deny your brain formulated that sentence, but the alcohol spilled it out your mouth.

“Answering your question, I’m not really friends with Donna, but her partner is one of my closest colleagues in the industry”, he said in a patient tone. “And you’re welcome to use the hot tube whenever you feel like it.”

You could feel your cheeks burning. Fuck.

“I didn’t mean to— to be honest, I don’t even know what I meant, so don’t mind drunk Y/N”, you breathed out strongly.

“Why don’t we forget about it and instead go chill in the hot tube?” He offered you a smile. Pedro was so easy to deal with, always trying to make you comfortable. “I have more of that nice whisky you like.”

You quickly put on your bikini in your room and head back to Pedro’s cabin. You could hear the happy hour turning into a party on the back, as you joined him inside the tub. You did your best to not stare at his toned, tanned body. He was smoking a cigar and handed you a glass.

“You know what’s funny”, he started, you already knew you wouldn’t find it funny at all. “This is the second time I see you in a tub.”

“Well, fuck you very much sir”, you held a serious face before letting a smile scape. “That was traumatic.”

“Why is that? I would say you made quite an impression”, he laughed, something different sparkling in his eyes. “Would it bother you if I said I still think about it?”

You felt your body hot, as if the water was on boiling point.

“God”, you whispered. He never took his eyes off yours. “I don’t know what to say, Pedro.”

“It’s a simple question, sweetheart”, he replied, coming a little closer. You got chills all over your body. “Honestly, I don’t know if you only see me as this friendly, older, disgusting man—”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” you cut him before he could finish. “Feel free to think about whatever you like.”

“Good”, he said quietly, his body even closer, but still not touching yours. “Tell me what you were doing on the tub that day, sweetheart.”

“I-I was, uh,” you felt like you were about to explode, your brain trying to process if this was really happening. “I was touching myself.”

“Finally, princesa”, he let out a deep breath against your neck. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to hear you say this, to be sure my memory wasn’t fucking with me.”

He touched your waist with his hand, putting the cigar away with the other one. You felt delirious.

“What are you going to do now that you know?” The question popped out of your mouth.

He grabbed your arm to move your body, making you sit on his lap. Face to face. He was hard as fuck.

“I will take you back to your cabin, give you a goodnight kiss…” He made a pause. His stare was deep down your soul. “Come back to mine and think ‘bout you while I mind my own business.”

He was dead serious.

“I’m too horny to go to sleep”, you cried to him, all your blood concentrated between your legs. You moved on his lap, rubbing against his cook.

“Trust me”, he said as his hands firmly held your hips down, making you stop and yet feel him ever harder. “I feel the same way.”

He gave you a little forehead kiss.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

CHAPTER 4 AVALIABLE NOW

TAGLIST: @kyuupidwrites @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @vivibabiez @ivyohmy @sebastianstansimp @tubble-wubble @28cnn @3zae-zae3 @technicallysassyfox @bellatrixyoass @mandolover86​ (edit: i’m not sure why i wasn’t able to tag everybody i’m trying my best here)

[pauking5]

Addicting Taste Chapter 8

Pairing: Enishi Yukishiro x reader oc

Genre: strangers to lovers, sunshine and sunshine protector, comedic relief, angst, slow burn, some fluff

Word count: 14k+

A/N: Welp, she's a long one but she's a good one. It could be taken as a filler but she's important to the story so I hope it's not too much of a nuisance to read. Also, give a big welcome to none other than the famed Sword Hunter, Cho Sawagejo. He was so bleak in the original story it took me so long just to rewrite his character. He's important to the story so take this as his introduction! Chapter 9 is coming too and she's wild. Enjoy lovelies, Paula.

Now Playing: beating heart - ellie goulding.

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"Miyu?"

No fucking way.

Is this some sick joke?

Of all people, he wasn't supposed to be here.

"Cho?"

Cho Sawagejo. Known as the Sword Hunter and one of the former Ten Swords, used to fight against the Meiji government. Additionally, he was an old friend of yours... sort of. The fact that history ran deep between you two was the understatement of the century.

Your hand froze on the golden doorknob, mouth hung open in shock to see him after all these years. Memories of him fired one after another in your head the more you looked at him, including those you tried really hard to forget. Your mouth moved on its own trying to make some sense of what you were seeing, but all that came out was whispers of his name. A name you wanted to forget for as long as you lived.

Snapping out of it you noticed he seemed to be in a bit of a situation, which was something normal for him, considering how you met each other.

4 years ago

Life was a constant fight for survival. You escaped the fighting rings in Edo but you did so at the cost of having to fend for yourself in the only way you knew: killing.

A rookie assassin, with barely enough training, murdering to stay alive. You barely got hired because your face said you didn't have experience like others did. But once they saw what you could do with two pistols and a heart that was hungry for mayhem they instantly hired you.

As much as you wanted to do something else with your life, you couldn't. You lived with the sole goal of finding your parents, even if it meant destroying your soul in the process.

There were times where your appetite got insatiable and you killed more than you needed to. It was where Barairo got her reputation from, Yokohama's crimson rose turning into a twisted bloodthirsty demon.

The only advantage of letting her out was that it made getting some of the jobs done easier. Though the stench of her blood soaked claws haunted you every night together with your usual nightmares.

You worked on yourself trying to limit her vengeful spirit so you could focus properly on missions. Little by little, she retracted back in her cage and all that was left was you. A woman so sure of herself that nothing could stop her.

Until you met him and all of that went to shit.

You got the job to kill a really well-known conman who got on the nerves of the wider business community in Osaka. He stole a lot of money from them and it was to no surprise most of them wanted his head on a pike. Multiple people got hired starting a hunt for him but there was a catch. Whoever got the job done first was rewarded with half of the stolen money. You had to move fast if you wanted to be first. Because you wanted it badly.

The plan was simple: get in his highly secured villa, put a bullet through his skull and be on your way. But things didn't work exactly like you wanted them to.

Come on now, did they ever? It's a Miyu Hikari tradition at this point.

You staked out the man's mansion for a full 24 hours under the scorching heat of the summer sun. Every time you wanted to go in and get the job done, a flurry of guards would round the grounds and you had to move spots constantly. Sweat trickled down your back in waves, clothes drenched to the brim from just sitting in the bushes. Summer was definitely not your favorite season, especially when you had jobs like this to do.

Finally, when the night let out you managed to advance. Infiltrating inside was a fluke, easily taking out the small number of guards on night duty. Checking for any more of them in all rooms at the bottom floor, you made your way to the top floor where his master bedroom was located. Getting a little distracted by completing the mission, bags of steaming dumplings occupying your mind more than the mission at hand, you failed to see the incoming competition.

You just rounded the top of the stairs when something clanged against the window behind you. You turned around in a heartbeat, guns held out ready to pull the triggers. Intuition told you to put multiple holes through whoever it was until you got a better look at him.

There he was, one leg in and two sharp katanas held between his teeth, trying to balance his way inside the mansion. You lowered your weapons as your curiosity piqued by the man before you. You retracted to a dark corner away from his line of sight, silently snickering at his struggle. The moment he finally got himself through the threshold and thudded to the floor making the loudest noise possible triggered a fit of giggles from you you couldn't keep inside anymore. If the guards were still alive and breathing they would have had his ass so fast.

Once he heard you, he got back to his feet and made quick movement to hold one of his katanas to your throat. You stopped laughing and put your hands up in fake surrender deciding to mock him a little.

"Who are you?"

"Someone on the same mission as you. You're kinda late to the party though."

Seeing as you weren't too much of a threat, he put down his sword. He cleared his throat to sound more sure of himself than he appeared to be and smoothed a hand over his hair that was sat in all directions, including his mouth. He looked harmless without his katana unsheathed. If this was your competition you surely held yourself a lot better in the short time you've been working the field.

"Thank you for the clean up, but I'll take it from here."

I just gave you the benefit of the doubt dude. Turns out I was wrong.

"I think the fuck not."

Pointing your pistols his way, you got ready to defend your territory. There was no way you would let this rando of all people steal your moment after you did most of the work.

He flashed you a smirk and in the blink of an eye vanished. Confused, you spun around to see the door to the master bedroom opened. It was way too dark but once your eyes focused on the shadow lurking above the man tucked in bed with his katanas ready to slice him open, you panicked. Thinking fast you aimed at the man the best you could in the pitch black, using the glimmer of light reflecting off the blade as guidance and took the shot. One of the blades intercepted your bullet just before it could hit the man, cutting it in half, leftover pieces of the bullet flying into the bed frame. You gasped in shock as he chuckled darkly.

"Nice try."

Beyond annoyed at him and determined to see this mission through, you put the guns back in their hold and got into a fighting stance.

"I was here first. I am not moving an inch before I kill him," you rasped.

He smirked and sheathed his sword, walking closer to you and mirroring your position.

"Fair enough. Let's see if you've got any real fight in you."

He went easy on you, thinking you couldn't fight him.

Terrible mistake.

The minute he came at you, you sent him flying to the other corner of the room, watching as his back hit a dresser tumbling down to the floor with him. He got up and lunged at you and you dodged all of his moves. When his punches got sloppy, it was your turn to swing at him, decorating his face with your fists. At one point your hits turned slower and he managed to lay down a few punches of his own. He caught you off guard and pushed you into the wall, hands digging hard into your arm as he pinned you to it. Amused at your struggle to break free, his head dipped down to your ear.

"Is that all you've got, princess?"

"Don't call me that ever again."

He pissed you off beyond coming back now. You growled and threw your head into his with all the force you had, throwing him off balance enough for him to release you and to drop down and swipe his legs from under him. As soon as he was flat on the ground you straddled him, pining his hands beside his head.

Trying to will some breath back into your lungs you looked at him and he looked at you for a while, taking in the damage you've both done to each other. One looked worse than the other, a broken nose gracing his face as payback for the cut lip he gave you.

His dark eyes had you in a trance. There was something about him that screamed danger but familiarity the more you looked at him. A weird feeling crawled up your spine and you couldn't help the sensation that something was really wrong. Snapping out of it, you straightened and got up from the floor, looking around at the mess you've caused. You wondered why the man wasn't awake and screaming for mercy or applauding the free fight show in his bedroom. You moved to the king sized bed in spite of the protests to continue the fight and examined the man tucked into bed. You pulled the duvet down from his face and the marks around his neck told you all you needed to know.

"Someone got the job done before us."

"What?"

He ran next to you following your pointed finger to the neck of the man who appeared to have been dead for a while. How did none of you notice this before?

"The guards were pretty much alive when I arrived. Whoever killed him must have been waiting for him here."

You pulled the curtains near the window so the light could filter in a little more. Truthful to your suspicion, there were no signs of forced entrance on the window sill or the door, so it had to be a job from the inside. Main conclusion was that you were left with a busted ego and you could kiss your precious dumplings goodbye for a while.

"Well, that's a bummer," he said, slumping against the wall. At least you weren't the only one disappointed.

"We should leave before more potential suitors want to decorate him and us as collateral damage."

You made a move for the door only to hear shouts and multiple pairs of boots rushing up the stairs.

We're in deep shit.

Closing the door, you tried to pull the wardrobe in front of it to block the men from entering. It was too heavy to push by yourself so he moved to help you. You successfully barricaded yourselves inside just as angry fists started banging on the door. You moved away from it and scanned the room for a way out. The big double window looked like the only viable option. You hesitated in even suggesting it as an escape route but he seemed to have other plans as you watched him run over to it and bust it open with a chair. Shards of glass flew everywhere on the floor and the banging on the door intensified. You rushed to the window where you were met with a five meter drop to a patch of grass smaller than your hopes and dreams at the moment.

Hell no, nuh-uh. I'm not playing the flying bird game.

He was out of his fucking mind if he thought that was a safe plan, but before you could say anything he just jumped out first with his katanas strapped to his back, swiftly landing on his feet. Your jaw dropped open.

Okay, so he is indeed out of his fucking mind.

He looked back at you, waiting for you to follow, but the way you gripped the curtains told him you weren't keen on jumping too. He couldn't leave you there when there was no telling how many men were behind that door that was now close to being torn open.

"Look, I know you don't know me, but I need you to trust me and jump the fuck out," he yelled at you, trying to get your attention away.

"You want me to trust you in willingly pivoting down to my death?"

"It sounds horrendous when you put it that way. I promise I will try to catch you."

Putting my life in the hands of a stranger who tried to kill me just a few moments ago? Not a chance. But I want to taste my favorite buns again, alive and breathing on this earth.

Getting on top of the windowsill, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, jumping out. Truthful to his promise, he caught you, falling down on the grass with you in his arms. He cushioned your fall and your head landed in the crook of his neck, his scent closing around you. He smelled like vanilla and lavender. The way he cushioned your fall made you think you were laying in a field of flowers but that might have just been the euphoria from the fall, pumping adrenaline through you.

You opened your eyes to be nose to nose with him, breaths meeting halfway. Through the messy blonde hair falling over his bandana, you noticed his eyes were actually a deep shade of brown as they bore into yours. You lifted your hand to brush his locks away halting when you heard more shouts and commotion behind you. Quickly, you got up and pulled him up too, bolting towards the gates. His hand intertwined with yours as you both ran until you reached town.

Finally stopping at the back of a shop you checked around for any sight of the men following, relieved to see none. You closed your eyes willing in a breath when you felt something weighing down your hand. You looked down and he followed your gaze to your hands that were still tightly locked together. He let go first, rubbing his neck nervously.

That's cute.

His touch ghosted on your finger tips and you cradled your hand close. You've never been this close to anyone before.

"That was eventful," he exhaled.

"Yeah. Thanks for catching me back there, uh..."

"It's Cho. And of course! Anytime, uh..."

"Miyu."

"Miyu," he said your name softly. "Well, Miyu, if you ever find yourself in a pickle or something like that again feel free to call on me."

He smiled genuinely at you this time, previous cocky smirk gone. It made you feel warm inside for some reason but you quickly shook that thought away.

"I'll make sure to call on you then."

A lot of time passed after your encounter. Summer turned to fall and winter. There were times where you laid awake at night and your mind drifted to him, contemplating his offer. He shouldn't be that hard to find if need be to have him help on a mission and it felt tempting to team up with someone else, especially since your fighting styles were so similar.

You finally met again a few times after you were both hired on other missions. You fought your way out of them together, often splitting the earnings. It turned out you made a really good team, your logical skills complementing his sword skills just right.

You started hanging out more and paired most of your missions together, getting to know more about each other. Soon enough, he turned into a part of your routine and you were inseparable, both on and off the field. You ate together, fought together and trained together.

He opened up about himself too. He told you why the Ten Swords fell to their demise with the new government and how he was left wandering for a while until he took up sketchy jobs like you. You told him a little about yourself and your mission to find your parents. He thought it was admirable to have a goal like that and eished he himself had one that righteous.

Over time, one thing led to another and you found yourself catching feelings for him. It was stupid really. He did the smallest things, like throwing you one of his crooked smiles full of mischief whilst stabbing someone who tried to attack you or getting you dumplings because he knew how much you liked them. You even started liking the annoying way in which he called you princess instead of your name, reatliating with a nickname of your own for him, blondie.

All these gestures were small, but you couldn't deny that they made you swoon. Your feelings only grew stronger the more you spent time with him and it took everything in you to work out the courage to confess to him.

But you never got to tell him how you felt.

And it was all his fault.

You spent years thinking of what you would say if you ever saw him again, only for all those words to erase themselves from your mind the minute you laid your eyes on him tonight.

He was tied to a chair in the middle of the room. A man sat in front of him most likely torturing him up to the moment you and Enishi entered. He was now turning around to you with a big knife in his hand, blood dripping from the blade onto the white carpet. You interrupted him and he didn't seem too happy about it because he quickly lunged at you. You wasted no time in kicking away the knife from his hand and knocking him out with a roundhouse kick.

"Fancy seeing you here, princess."

You sure didn't miss that nickname. As much as it grew on you back then, it made you beyond disgusted to hear it now.

"I wish I could say the same. Who did you piss off this time?"

"A lot of people as you can see," he spoke motioning to his body littered in cuts and bruises.

His white shirt, now a mix of dried blood and dirt, was torn in most places, just like his skin. Your eyes lingered over the cuts on his arms that appeared to be made with small knives. Your gaze stopped on the gash on his leg which was definitely the product of the knife you kicked away from the man's hand. It looked deep enough to drain a normal person.

But he wasn't a normal person.

"I hate to break up this reunion but we have more guests incoming," said Enishi rather alarmed. And he had every reason to be because you heard the rapid footsteps in the hallway most likely rushing to the room you were in. His hand latched on your arm in urgency to pull you towards the door but you froze.

"This feels oddly familiar," said Cho with a chuckle.

His face was so pale and devoid of colour that it scared you. He looked barely alive but he still carried that shit-eating grin on his face and it annoyed you to the world's end for some reason.

"Miyu, we have to go," pressed Enishi.

You looked at him then back to Cho. It wasn't in your nature to leave people behind, especially wounded people. Both of the men looked at you expectantly, one more desperate to get out of there than the other.

I can't leave him here. But I can't stay here either.

Your brain was already working at an inhumane speed trying to process everything. Once you made your mind up and opened your mouth to say something you got interrupted by the men pooling inside the room.

About ten of them circled you, lining up around the walls to push you towards the center of the room. You surrounded Cho defensively. He was tied to a chair and in no way fit to fight even a fucking fly. As much as you hated his guts you needed to protect him.

You pulled out your guns and scanned the men to see only half of them were armed. You looked at Enishi and he nodded at you telling you to open fire.

You shot at the armed men while Enishi launched at the others. You threw a table down and took cover behind it, shooting at them. You took out most of them before you ran out of bullets.

Oh, for fucks sake, I really need to carry refills with me.

You got out from behind your hiding spot and stretched your arms, preparing your fists.

Your first opponent was a fairly big guy that cornered you at a wall. He came at you with the intention to put you through the wall, but you were quicker and grabbed his hands, sliding between his legs to drag him after you. You kicked the back of his head and he fell forward, his own head going through the wall instead.

Another one spotted you and you broke into a sprint, using the wall to push yourself up and swing your leg in his face. He fell on his back getting the air kicked out of his lungs. It was one fo the aerial tricks Enishi taught you recently and it came in handy.

Enishi left a trail behind him. Most of the men on the floor were just slightly knocked out. He finished knocking the last two head to head and let them fall to the floor with a thud.

Seeing that he was safe, you turned and ran to Cho, untying him as fast as you could. The rope around his wrists was tied so tight it made them bleed. You stopped in your tracks slowly tracing your fingers over them. What the hell did they do to you? You bit your lip trying to keep yourself together. This was not the time to be soft.

"You don't have to take me with you," he grunted as you got his hands free. "I'll only slow you down."

You went and crouched in front of him looking him straight in the eye. The you back then told you to leave him here to suffer like he did to you. To let him get out of his own mess by his own two feet if he still held himself so prideful. But present you was not the like her.

He didn't deserve your help at all. But you knew the guilt coming with leaving him here would eat you up later. And you didn't need that right now.

Without saying a word, you got one of his arms and draped it around your shoulders to get him up. He groaned in pain when he put weight on his injured leg and you wrapped your arm around his waist to balance him better.

Did he get ripped or something? I swear he wasn't this heavy before.

Enishi looked at you nothing short of confused. His face told you he had a lot of questions. But yours looked conflicted to the point he was sure a hurricane was already brewing in your mind. He knew now was not the time for asking questions, considering there were five mafias willing to shish kebab the three of you without as much of a reason besides the fact that you breathed inside their territory. Getting out of this place as soon as possible was the priority.

He rushed to the other side of Cho and lifted his arm, helping you carry him. You looked at him and he locked eyes with you, reassuring you he had your back. Even if he had no idea what the fuck was going on. You sent him a grateful look and he nodded, a small smile of acknowledgment on his lips.

The three of you managed to slip out the back of the villa and you quickly got into the carriage, avoiding being seen by anyone. The ride back to the mansion turned from relief to utterly painful. For both you and the blonde bleeding out next to you. You kept patting his cheeks to keep him awake every time his head fell on your shoulder. Once you were sure he was conscious enough, you turned your head to the window getting lost in thought.

Cho being back resurfaced so many feelings and memories you tried so hard to drown out over the years and you could do nothing to stop the flood.

Screw me for wanting to help all the time. It only comes back to bite me in the ass anyways.

Another thing weighing hard on your heart was that you didn't find your mother tonight. Or any leads on where your parents could be. Oh, and apparently the man you interrogated, the one who was the only one who knew something about the whereabouts of your parents escaped, since most of the men on duty were mobilised for the ball in case shit went sideways. Conclusion, it was by far the shittiest you've ever felt.

The carriage stopped in front of the mansion and Enishi got down first holding his hand to you to help you down. But you were too worried about the other man bleeding on the beige carriage seats and got down by yourself, dragging him down after you.

Enishi was left behind as you hastily went inside. A weird combo of regret and sadness were spinning around his heart at everything that happened tonight. He knew you probably felt defeated about what went down and blamed yourself for the outcome. He needed to talk to you asap about everything. For now, he was going to give you the space you needed for a while to tend to your guest.

With a storm raging in your mind and a bleeding man supported solely by your shoulders, you trudged the hallways to an empty guest room. You found one two doors down from your room, in case he needed further assistance.

You pushed the doors open with a huff and helped him sit downon the bed, rushing to look for medical supplies. You scoured every drawer both in the room and the bathroom throwing everything on the floor in the process. You were growing anxious and angry at the fact that you didn't find anything you needed. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself you tried looking again through the mess on the floor and found what you needed. Chucking everything back to its place with shaky hands, you went back to him to start taking care of his wounds. You felt his stare at you as you started working on the cut on his cheek.

"It's good seeing you after all these years."

You say that as if we're the best of friends who went our own ways and just met up to talk over tea and biscuits.

You ignored his attempt at making conversation and helped him shimmy his way out of his shredded shirt as he grunted at the movement. He was held captive for a while, judging by the darkened bruises around his ribs.

"You look different," he continued, trying to get you to talk to him.

You tensed as you moved to patch up the bigger cuts on his arm.

What does different even mean in his vocabulary?

You didn't change that much. If anything you got better at detecting bullshit when you saw it. Looks wise you just looked better in the mirror and didn't have a bird's nest on your head anymore.

On the other hand, he looked absolutely the same as the last time you saw him, with a slight upgrade to his wardrobe choices, plus a few muscles here and there. His hair was a darker shade of blonde now, unfitting for the nickname you used to call him by.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" you asked absentmindedly, trying to humour him for the sake of conversation and to take the edge of a little.

He dipped his head down to the side you were patching his arm and took a proper look at you.

You were different since the last time he saw you.

Your hair was longer, curling around your shoulders ever so slightly. You held yourself a lot more confidently than he knew you to be. But the thing that changed the most about you was your eyes. He used to be able to tell what was going through your head by just one look. Now, they were rougher and didn't let him in like they used to. It wasn't that you were hiding. You just closed yourself off entirely, at least to him.

"That wild spark in your eyes is gone. That's what I liked the most about you."

You narrowed your eyes at him and it took everything in your power not to snap at him. Tell him everything that's been weighing on your heart. Shoot words at him hoping he would understand the pain he put you through. But you had to keep it together so you settled for some sarcasm as you tied one of the bandages a bit tight on his arm.

"So what? I'm not to your standards now?"

The big gash on his leg was the last thing left unbandaged and you moved to it to get it done and be out of the door. But god forbid something could go the way you wanted today because he leaned forward to catch your hand.

The sharp inhale of air you took was to ground you from exploding. You noticed his touch was still the same one that used to make you shiver with butterflies.

Cho was a touchy person and it only added to your feelings back then. It made your insides twist remembering the effect it had on you.

"That's not what I meant."

You tried to avoid his eyes but you couldn't do it, letting them find his. You were surprised to see them filled with nothing but sincerity.

"Look, I'm sorry."

Oh, hell no. I am not doing this right now.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," you yanked your hand away from his grip. He wanted to say something else but you didn't give him the chance as you packed the medical supplies and put them away. You put some clothes borrowed from Enishi on the bed and bid your goodbye.

"Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

You made your way out of the room hoping to get to yours faster. The dress suddenly felt too tight on you and you needed to get out of it before it constricted your air flow. You had a hunger for chaos boiling inside of you and you didn't know how much longer you could keep it inside.

Before you made it to your room you bumped into Enishi. He seemed to be looking for you since you just left him hanging outside. You didn't want to worry him and thought of something to say to cut the incoming interrogation short.

"Can we talk-"

"Look, Enishi. I need to get out of this dress and get some sleep, but I will tell you everything you need to know in the morning. Deal?"

You let the words out in a rush and he looked dazed for a moment as he processed them. He tilted his head and let his eyes linger on your face. You looked way more exhausted than you were when you left for the ball. He could also tell something was eating at you by the way you were frowning. He decided he could wait until tomorrow.

"Okay."

He put a hand on your shoulder rubbing it in comfort and you couldn't help but lean into his touch. It felt so soothing that it made the burning fire in your heart dim a little.

"But we're gonna talk tomorrow," he added. You nodded and placed your hand on his squeezing it in reassurance, before walking off to your room.

You felt bad leaving him like that againbut you weren't in the right mindset to sit and talk about your past right now. Maybe after some sleep and thinking you would be.

Sleeping was a torture. You couldn't fall asleep at all, tossing and turning until the sheets bunched up under you. Your pillows got warm fast the more you switched sides and it pissed you off. The universe was against you catching one wink of sleep.

Getting annoyed, you sat up and threw the duvet away letting it fall on the floor. You laced your fingers through your scalp trying to massage the storm of thoughts away, but it only got more unbearable.

Your head was getting so loud swirling with countless questions. You drowned yourself in regrets and what ifs.

The regrets revolved around the reasons why you saved Cho. You hoped it would leave your conscience clean but it only made it worse. He was two doors away from you and you weren't sure if it was a case of being that close to him that had you on edge of your feelings coming back. You also regretted the mission a lot and well, pushing Enishi away like that when he clearly wanted to help you.

The what ifs surrounded the feelings you had for Cho that were definitely awakening in your heart again. It felt like they never left, as if they just laid dormant until they felt him near to wake up. It was like a grenade was placed in your hand without a safety pin. And you couldn't do anything to stop it from blowing up the more you thought about him and that night that changed everything.

3 years ago

One of your clients sent you on a hunt for a powerful businessman. He was in possession of a samurai tachi sword belonging to the great Fukushima Masanori, who fought in the Battle of Shizugatake almost 300 years ago. Legend says it was the sword that drew the first blood in the battle. It was worth millions on the arms trade market. To have it hung up somewhere and just admire it whenever you wanted was truly a rich person activity.

Your client wanted you and Cho to work together and steal it. Most people who hired you knew you worked better together and often came as a package deal, but none of them asked you to do so until now. Frankly, he was a client of Cho's and he reassured you that he worked with him before and that there was nothing to be worried about.

You've been staking out the businessman's building for a while now, watching out for any sign of movement. A bonus clause of the deal was to take him out too, since your client had some hatchet to bury with him he wouldn't tell you about. You were getting hungry and tired while Cho stepped out. You didn't expect him to come back with dumplings.

"I got you these. It was the only thing I could find around here."

"You didn't have to."

You munched away on your buns, peering at his back from time to time. He leaned over the railing busy scanning the streets.

It's been a year since you've met on that mission. You loved spending time with him and he seemed to enjoy your company just as much.

You've been paying more attention to his actions and words towards you and you could tell that he had feelings for you too. From the way you caught him looking at you when he thought you wouldn't notice. Or the fact that he would spend money on dumplings for you every time you sighed when you saw them, knowing you were saving yours up for other things. Those things were expensive as hell nowadays, but he still chose to treat you to them on occasion.

Your feelings for him grew stronger day by day and you had to tell him how you felt before you combusted spontaneously.

"Cho?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to tell you something."

He hummed as a sign for you to continue, busy scanning the area. Your heartbeat quickened, drowning out the rest of the world around you, the only thing on your mind being those five words. You thought of many different ways to tell him and all kinds of words passed through your mind, some cringier than others. The normal "I like you" should be enough considering none of you were big on declaring things. You did try to confess a fee times before but it always got blocked by something.

Deciding against beating around the bush while you still had time on your hands, you took a deep breath and just went for it.

"I think I like-"

"They're on the move," Cho cut you off.

You sighed in defeat. There went my chance.

Cho got up and you followed, throwing away the empty bag of dumplings with your almost confession in it. Turns out it had to wait until you were done with the mission.

The man you were after arrived in front of the building with a few of his men and went inside. You looked for a way in and noticed a window on the side of the first floor but it was too high. Cho put his hands together motioning you over. He used them to propel you upwards and after a few failed tries you successfully reached it. You found it slightly creaked open and climbed in through it, with him following suit.

You helped him in and landed down inside, taking a look around. The place was full of crates stacked on each other nearly reaching the roof. One of them was opened near you and you cautiously walked over to take a look. It was filled with guns. But not just any guns. They weren't branded and most of them looked like imports from abroad, which meant that they came off the black market. Only one group had access to this much ammunition: the mafia.

This wasn't your first rodeo with a mafia but you knew you had to be extra careful. Snooping around some more you found a big crate made from dark wood. It looked out of place compared to the others. You motioned Cho to it and you tried prying it open as silently as you could, to not attract any unwanted attention. Digging inside among strips of paper your hand landed on what felt like the handle of a briefcase. You pulled it out and looked at Cho. Opening it you found jsut the katana you were looking for, dark sheath decorated in golden chrysanthemums, a symbol of royal value bestowed upon the most trusted samurai. Unsheathing it, you ran your hand along the worn out hilt in awe at the fact that you were holding a relic of ancient Japanese history. Illegally but then again what you were doing wasn't legal either.

One of the guards walked in and spotted you, not thinking twice before opening fire on you. You took cover behind the crate and threw the briefcase over to Cho, getting your guns out to fire back. More men came to see what caused the ruckus and started shooting as well once they saw you taking some of them down.

You shot your pistols until the trigger clicked empty. Slumping back against the crates you needed to think of a way out that didn't involve getting bullet holes punched through you and you had to do it quickly.

You turned to your right and noticed Cho was no longer next to you. You looked around and saw him by the window you came in through, one leg away from freedom with the briefcase in his hand. The window was hidden from sight which made it the perfect escape.

He waved his hand and you thought he was waving you over. You waved your hand at him too telling him there was no way you could reach him while they were still firing at you. He smirked down at you and you tilted your head at him in confusion.

What the hell was he doing?

That's when it clicked. The way he was holding the briefcase. The shushed talks with the client behind your back. That stupid smirk.

You've got to be shitting me.

He used you. While you shot away at the men he used that as cover to get away. He used you to get this far because you knew how to plan things so the game would play out in your favour. There was no telling if he didn't use your feelings as leverage as well. And all this time you hoped he felt the same.

He trained you. He ate with you. He slept next to you. You worked together for almost a year. He pretended to care about you only to toss you to the side. It was all a fucking lie.

Son of a bitch.

With one last look at you he jumped out, leaving you at the mercy of fate. There was not a single glint of regret in those eyes you learned to love so dearly as they disappeared behind the wall. He took you for a fool and you were so blind to see it.

Every mission you did together flashed in front of your eyes. Every moment you spent together. Everything you told each other. Only for him to throw it all away for a chunk of money.

You didn't know what hurt more. Your heart for being stupid enough to try to love. Or your soul, for believing in the good in people.

One thing was certain. You let Barairo out that night, after years of struggling to keep her away, leaving the building covered in blood and with a broken heart. All because you loved him.

Only god knows how you made it out of there. But you completed the bonus gruesome part of the mission, killing the businessman and all his guards with your bare hands. Using her.

It took you years to get her back in, away from people. You fought her to the bone, until you managed to lock her away for good. But the damage was already done. You swore not to let yourself get played like that ever again.

He abandoned you there. You told him how much it hurt when your parents disappeared and he knew how much it scarred you. And he still did it in the most fucked up way he could think of.

Your memories were of a person that sold his soul to whoever paid more for his interests and you wanted nothing to do with him. You swore to put a bullet through his head the next time you met.

But you couldn't help the hurt that came with your reunion tonight. Seeing him again only reignited that pain in you. The same smirk he parted away from you with plastered on his lips in the exact same way tonight.

Why can't I just forget he exists? Why is he still in my head like he never left?

It hurt like hell and no matter how much you tried to erase him your heart wouldn't let you. She would keep reminding you of him everywhere you went.

It was also why you were afraid of what you felt for Enishi. He was different than Cho. Gentler, kinder and understanding. But it scared you that your feelings were in so deep now to be able to get back from it. And you had no security that history wouldn't repeat itself once you let yourself fall for him.

It was times like these you wished your mom was here, able to give you some advice. To guide you towards what was right and kill some of the pain away. You hoped desperately to find her at the ball tonight. Either the man gave you a false lead or they were alerted you were coming and she was moved elsewhere. You didn't know. And that only made everything else worse.

How much longer do I need to search to find her? To find dad? Are any of them even alive anymore? Is there even a point to keep looking for them?

Your thoughts were eating you up again and you needed a distraction before it got too much. Grabbing your pistols from the nightstand and a few cartridges you walked the hallways in a haste to reach the outside garden. The cold stung on your exposed arms but you paid it no mind as you strung up a few targets and started shooting at them.

Normally, shooting for practice relaxed you and gave you the clarity you needed to think things through. But shooting to relax turned into shooting your anger and hurt away pretty quickly. At one point you stopped shooting at the targets and just shot through the blur of your tears, aim faltering away from the targets. You aimed at the trees, the ground, the air. Anything just to feel your pistols empty hoping that your feelings were etched into every bullet so you could stop feeling them.

Enishi was in his office when he heard the shots. He tensed at first ready to get into butchering mode until he recognised the familiar click of your pistols. He rushed to your room thinking something happened only to find you gone, sheets on a disarray on the floor. He followed the sound only to find you in the garden, angrily shooting at something in the dark. He walked closer and sighed when he saw the tears streaming down your face. You seemed devoid of the world around you as you shot away and that scared him a little.

One of your pistols was left without bullets and you angrily threw it away, pulling the other one out from its hold. He had to stop you before you hurt yourself or someone else. Getting a little closer he called your name multiple times. But all you could focus on was the click of your gun and the sound of the bullets ricocheting off the trees.

“Miyu, you need to stop," he said, cautiously taking another step towards you.

“No," you shook your head.

He couldn't take this from you. It was the last thing you had that you knew how to do. The last thing keeping you sane right now. If he took it away you would lose the last glimmer of self control you had.

“Give me the gun," he tried again, voice a little softer this time.

“Leave. me. alone," you growled.

You wanted him to leave you be. To just go back inside and forget he ever saw you like this. Because you knew if he pressed on you would let go of all rational thought and say something you didn't mean. Something that you would regret. But he stood his ground, taking a few more cautious steps towards you.

“I’m not leaving you.”

That was enough to trigger your pent up anger. Everyone in your life left. Your parents, the people you loved, even Cho. What if Enishi would wake up one day and choose to leave too? You convinced yourself he didn't mean it. That he was just saying it now without any security that he would feel the same tomorrow.

“Enishi, please just go!" you yelled as you turned around to him, the last of your munition emptying away in the murky ground. You took a shaky breath as you kept pressing the trigger, turning the gun around and hitting it with your palm trying to make it work, but the empty click of the gun was still the only sound that greeted you.

“Fuck."

You didn’t realize you were sobbing until your sight got too blurry with tears and you started wiping furiously at your face. Enishi went forward and closed the distance to you, warily wrapping his hand around yours that was holding the gun. Loosening the grip of your fingers, he gently took the gun out of your hands and dropped it next to the other one on the ground.

Your eyes met his and you couldn’t hold the pain in anymore. A wail of a sob crawled its way out of your throat, letting out the last fractures of your anger. You crumpled down on the ground, nails digging into the grass around you to hold yourself together a little more. Enishi knelt down to you and wrapped his arms around you. You tried fighting him off, pushing him away as much as you could but his hold was too strong. You punched his chest, desperately trying to get away from him, but he just wouldn't budge. You didn't want to hurt him too, because if you did, you would never forgive yourself.

Your punches got slower the more you sobbed until you settled for gripping his shirt tightly in your hand. He only tightened his arms even more around you, pressing you against his chest.

He hated seeing you like this. It was breaking him inside to know the pain you were feeling all too well because it was the same kind of pain he dealt with alone for years. But none of you were alone anymore. You had each other now and he needed you to know that.

“It’s okay," he whispered.

“Enishi,” you sobbed his name. That was the only thing that kept you from spiralling down in that corner of your mind. The one where she waited with her teeth bared for you to let the door wide open. He was your anchor right now and the only one standing between the two of you becoming one again. The minute he let go of you, you would land the key in the lock of her cell and let her out, letting her consume you. You knew if that happened right now there would be no way back from it this time.

“Please don’t leave me."

“I’m not leaving you.” He grabbed the sides of your face and made you look at him. “I am not leaving you, Miyu.”

He would say it as many times as it took for you to understand that he wasn't going to move an inch away from you unless you told him to. He wasn't going to let you lose yourself, not when he could help it.

You just sobbed harder upon hearing his words and he scooped you up from the cold ground, taking you back inside to the warmth of your room. He helped you get in bed before he himself got in next to you. You moved back into his arms and he cradled you close.

You sat like that for a while, letting it all out while he held you to him, whispering an occasional 'I'm here' or 'You're okay' to let you know he wasn't going anywhere.

"Miyu, I know now's not the time, but you need to talk to me. I want to help you but I don't know how until you tell me what's wrong."

He knew you weren't okay and suspected that it would come to this sooner or later. The sooner you told him what was wrong the closer he would get to knowing how to help you. He would wait for you as long as you needed but it had to be soon. Before you would slip away in the one place he didn't wish upon anyone.

His hands moved to rub your back and you took in a shaky breath preparing for the unavoidable. You lifted your head up from his chest and wiped some of your tears away. You kept him in the dark enough.

You told him everything. From what happened to your parents, detail by detail, to how you dreamt of it almost every night in vivid pictures as if it was happening again. From your life before you met Cho and your life after he left you, leaving out a few things that could ultimately get him kicked out of the guest room in his sleep, including the whole thing about the feelings involved.

You finally laid all the pieces of your broken soul on the table and watched nervously as he looked at each one with a mix of emotions you knew all too well. His jaw twitched with anger learning about the things you had to go through. His eyes reflected the same sadness you felt for years on end. His hands held yours the whole time and he felt the hurt washing over you like it was his own. But not once did his eyes show pity and that told you that you laid your heart out in good hands.

He seemed deep in thought after everything you told him and well, who wouldn't be. You expected him to be appalled at most of the things you told him and push you away. But he didn't. He welcomed the entirety of your past with open arms and it made the walls you've built up so high quiver.

There was still one thing you needed reassurance about and you gathered up all your courage to ask it.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course." He brushed a few stray hairs from your face to get a better look at you, frowning at your red and puffy eyes. "What is it?"

You swapped the hold of his hands so your smaller ones covered his, holding them tightly in your lap. They weren't as cold as they used to be when you met him, a whole lot warmer now than yours were. You looked down at them with an unfamiliar yearning. It felt like you held the whole world in your hands and it terrified you. You found solace in this world and you wanted to protect it like it protected you. No matter what it would take to keep it safe. To keep him safe.

"Whatever happens, be it in a mission or whatever situation, promise me we will stay together. We go in together and we get out of it together."

"I promise," he said without hesitating. He lifted a hand to your cheek cupping it softly. "I told you I would keep you safe as long as you're with me. I tend to keep my word, you know."

You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes as you felt another wave of tears coming. But this time, they weren't tears of pain or sorrow. They were tears of appreciation. He was so attentive and understanding while listening to everything you had to say that it overwhelmed you, in a good way.

"I know," you said sniffling away another sob. You played with his fingers counting the calluses on them to distract yourself. The fear that he would turn against you some day was still there and there was nothing you could do to quiet it down. But his words lowered it a bit.

"I really need to stop being a crybaby. You're probably tired of it."

"I could never get tired of you. Come here," he said opening his arms for you with the most genuine smile on his face.

You fell into them and pressed your head to his chest while he carded a hand through your hair to calm you down. His other hand rested on your back, lightly drawing patterns on it. He rocked you back and forth for a little while, until he felt you relax against him. Peeking an eye down at you, he saw you fast asleep. Your hand was fisting his shirt so tight as if the world will fall to pieces if you let go. It reminded him of that night after he took you to watch the sunset on the hill overlooking the village. He found you plopped on your bed, so tired that you didn't even change out of your clothes. You had the same adorable pout on your face now and it made him melt.

He held you for a while to make sure you were deep in sleep before deciding to let you rest. You looked like you really needed it after the day you had. Getting up as quiet as he could, he laid you down in bed, placing your head on your pillow gently. He covered you with the duvet and tried to move away, but your hand kept him in place, fist tightening around the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer. He placed his hand on your fist, untangling it from his shirt to lace his fingers with yours instead. You turned to his side and cuddled around his hand pulling it closer to you. He knelt down beside your bed and just looked at you as he brushed your hair away from your face.

I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're not alone anymore, my light.

It must have been the early hours of the morning when Enishi left. You've been sound asleep for a few hours and he decided to go work on some things since he wasn't going to catch any sleep for himself.

Reaching his office he was met with the door creaked open. He narrowed his eyes on it thinking back to when he left for your room. He definitely shut it closed.

Someone who wasn't supposed to be inside was messing around judging by the clutter of swords to the ground. He pushed the door open only to see his unwanted guest playing around at the sword wall. His presence went unknown to the man who had his back at him as he just stood there watching him for a while until he got annoyed.

"I would appreciate it if you stopped snooping around."

The blonde man turned around surprised that he had company, dropping the sword he was holding on the ground. It clanged loudly on the floor and Enishi moved to the door to close it, releasing an exasperated sigh.

If he wakes her up I am turning him into paper tinsel.

"So the master of the house does speak."

"What are you doing here, Sword Hunter?"

"You know who I am?"

I just said your nickname, dumbass. He really does lack intelligence doesn't he?

You didn't tell him too much about Cho. But the more he looked at him he started remembering who he was. He's heard about him before but never got a chance to see him until now. Once you told him more he pieced the puzzle together rather quickly.

Cho ignored him and continued messing around until he picked up a sword he seemed rsther interested in. He unsheathed it, testing its balance in his hand.

"A wo-dao Chinese sword. I've never seen one before."

He swung it around and held it closer to his line of sight tracing his eyes along the silver blade.

"This is a great sword."

"It could hurt you. The balance is different than Japanese swords."

Enishi's patience was running thin. The last thing he wanted to confront at the ass crack of dawn was a sword freak. He debated knocking him out and dragging him back to bed but you probably wouldn't be too happy if you knew that happened.

"You seem sure of yourself."

And you're acting like a fucking idiot.

Cho racked through the stash and threw a different sword at Enishi, suggesting testing the blades in a duel. Enishi just stared him down taking in all the bandages that littered his body. He wouldn't mind adding some more on there. But you worked too hard patching him up to do that.

"I'm not gonna fight you," he retaliated, placing the sword on his desk.

I don't want her to wake up to that. She has enough on her plate already.

"Are you you scared you'll lose?" huffed Cho.

"I could kill you right now if I wanted to." He unsheathed the sword and chuckled darkly. The look in his eyes turned murderous and it was enough to make Cho's jaw tick. He was looking for a fight and Enishi struggled keeping himself away from giving him one. With a deep sigh he put it back in its hold and went to place it back to its place neatly.

"I'm only letting you stay because she wants you here for some fucked up reason. One wrong move and you're out of here in seconds."

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong."

He put the sword he was holding on the table and looked Enishi dead in the eye.

"I'll stay as long as she wants me here," he said placing a hand on Enishi's shoulder tauntingly. "Not even you can convince her to let me go."

Morning couldn't come fast enough. You heard Enishi leave sometime in the early hours of the morning but you were too tired to register it and quickly fell back asleep. Before he left, you felt a feather like touch of what could only be his lips connecting to your temple and smiled in your sleep, hoping he noticed it.

Trudging to the bathroom you looked in the mirror and nearly screeched. Your eyes were the size of rice balls, the ginormous kind that Wu would stuff in his mouth for dinner, but with a slight touch of pink and bloodshot.

You didn't want to deal with the aftermath of yesterday at all. But you promised Enishi you would talk more things out, especially about the blondie residing in his guest room without a good explanation on why he was here other than the fact that he was hurt.

You hung your head low in shame gripping the edges of the sink. You brought a total stranger in the house that wasn't yours, got him comfortable and did not even have the courtesy of telling Enishi who the fuck he was or why he should even stay after everything.

I might be going off the rails sooner than I predicted.

Enishi had every right to be mad at you for every shitty choice you made in the last 24 hours. From going over his word multiple times and not staying in the house like he told you. For talking rudely to him at the ball for no particular reason other than what was probably jealousy. For bringing a total stranger into his house. To keeping him awake for most of the night with your own problems.

But he wasn't. On the contrary, he comforted you even after you put him through all of that. He took care of you again even after all you did was push him away. And fuck if you knew why he still did it.

I'm surprised he hasn't kicked me out yet.

But one thing did bug you. He did all that and you still weren't clear of what his intentions were or whether he felt the same for you because he hasn't said anything to seal the deal yet.

Did he even want to seal the deal? Or was it all a play again?

You did not want a rerun of what happened with Cho. You weren't sure of what exactly you felt for the blonde man but you knew it wasn't anything good. Besides, if you went through that again, especially with Enishi, it would crush you for good. You wondered when he would come clean and open up to you, hoping it would be sooner than later.

Until then, you had a breakfast to attend that had the potential to turn really messy. Both males were highly unpredictable and liked to act on impulse. If you managed to get through it without anyone getting their head ripped off their body it would be a miracle.

Lord give me strength to face the males you put on this earth.

Breakfast was going well so far, you would say. All three of you ate quietly, sparring looks at each other sheepishly. You all waited for someone to speak first and cut the tension wafting in the air.

You surely didn't want to be first as you didn't even know where to start. Start explaining some more things to Enishi and apologize for everything? Put a plate in Cho's hand and kick him out yourself? Complimenting the chef on the food? Wait this is leftovers I prepared yesterday.

You looked at Cho who was picking at the food in his plate like an ungrateful child. What could he even say? Introduce himself in a really Cho manner, jazz fingers and all, spew some lies about who he actually is and making himself more unwanted than he was at the moment? Highly likely. He didn't owe Enishi anything other than to return the clothes he borrowed.

Looking to Enishi, you didn't know what to expect. He would most likely start awkward conversation with "So what do you do?" and then expect you to elaborate whilst trying to keep Cho's mouth shut in case he decided to talk about things Enishi was better off not knowing. Or unsheathe one of his swords and turn this into a fight, considering the daggers he was throwing at him.

The possibilities were endless.

To your disappointment, Enishi did speak first and you braced for the joy that was about to become the breakfast table.

“So, how do you two know each other?”

Okay, an easy question that didn't need a complicated answer.

“We used to work together,” you said peeling a boiled egg for yourself trying to keep your composure.

Cho tapped your leg under the table asking you to peel one for him using the injured person card. He was holding the fork just fine so you just threw an eggshell at him.

“We did more than work,” said Cho, earning himself a kick under the table from you.

You narrowed your eyes at him silently telling him to watch it. He only smirked in return, enjoying that he could annoy you this much.

“It was just work,” you gritted, turning to look at Enishi. “We took out a few people in uh... team missions.”

“Oh, and how much fun we had doing it together,” chirped Cho, leaning his head on his palm.

And I thought I was off the rails. I forgot that he literally exists.

“You should’ve seen her back then. She was so ruthless and unforgiving."

Why was he suddenly acting like the president of the Miyu Hikari fanclub?

If the you from back then was sitting here now she would probably blush and feel giddy at the remark.

But your face fell at the mention of the person you used to be back then. She haunts you at night and you wished you could just forget everything about her.

Enishi saw the way you uncomfortably shifted in your seat and picked at the shell of your egg with a frown. Squinting dangerously at the blonde who seemed to be enjoying himself a little too much, he interfered.

“Actually, she appears to be doing pretty well now, I would say.” Your eyes snapped up to him, a small smile of acknowledgment on his lips directed at you. “She’s so much stronger now.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words. Now that he knew about your past and how much it took to get to where you are now, he seemed to have a different level of admiration for you. He was still so trusting in your abilities and it was beyond your understanding how he could just sit there believing you could lift planet Earth if you wanted to. And he would totally support you.

But of course, Cho had to ruin the moment.

“If that’s true, then she should be able to actually take me down in a fight now without using tricks,” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

It was a little bet you always had going when you trained with him. Whoever pinned the other to the ground first would get bragging benefits for the day. Loser would also have to chip in with whatever the winner wanted. You smiled a little remembering all the times you won over him and he had to buy you a ginormous amount of sweets. You did use a few tricks to get him off guard like winking at him or blowing him a kiss and he fell for it every single time. He liked the attention and that was one of his biggest weaknesses.

The good times blurred the bad ones for a little moment of bittersweet melancholy. Maybe it wasn't all that bad that he was back.

“I’m not fighting you when you’re wrapped in bandages like a mummy,” you said, munching on a piece of bread.

“Then when I’m better!”

“You’re not staying here,” cut in Enishi.

Did he mean here as in the mansion or here as in near you? From the way he gripped his mug it could be both.

“But he’s injured,” you turned to him as did Cho, with a more dramatic expression akin to distorted puppy eyes. "Stop making that face. It's creeping me out."

Enishi got up and took your wrist pulling you to the side to discuss privately about your guest. He had a bad feeling about him ever since he caught him snooping around his office last night. His mere existence pissed him off and it was slowly becoming a problem.

“I don’t want him here more than he should be staying here.”

“And he won’t be here longer than it takes to heal his wounds,” you prodded. “Let him stay for at least a week.”

A week would give you time to sort some stuff out with both of them and send Cho away with a clean conscience that he was healed and hopefully in one piece.

“A week?! Two days max."

“Five days!”

“Three days.”

“Four,” you begged, hands held together in a prayer. “You won’t even know he’s here.”

His tongue poked his cheek as he thought your proposal over. He didn't have anything to lose but the guy made him really suspicious. The way he looked and talked to you infuriated him beyond normal. He didn't understand why you were so keen on him staying here. But he would yield in, for now.

“Okay,” he sighed defeatedly. "But one wrong move or word and he's gone."

“Thank you, Enishi!"

You got a bit too excited and without a second thought you leaned up and kissed his cheek. Your brain short-circuited when you processed your lips touching his soft cheek. Both of you got surprised by your gesture, eyes widened in shock as you pulled away. The slightest tint of a blush was painted on your cheeks.

“I’ll uh… go do the dishes.”

What the hell was I thinking?!

You started backing away shyly before your heart could implode. Rushing your steps you nearly knocked down a chair as you hastily ran inside.

“Do you need help-“

“IM GOOD!”

He touched his cheek feeling the spot where your lips were pressed in a peck just a few moments ago and shook his head at you with a smile. You were truly something else. But the minute his eyes laid on the unwanted guest munching away at the food on the table like a gorilla, his smile fell.

I’m doing this for her. I need to show her that I can interact with other people without wanting to skewer them alive.

He went to sit back down at the table. He wanted to at least finish his tea before looking for excuses to leave.

“It’s so nice to have company after being solo for so long.”

“Mhm. I bet.”

“You’re not much of talker are you?”

“Nope.” I am but not with people like you.

“I’m sure you’ll warm up to me soon.”

“Surely," he smiled. I’d rather go sit with Wu for a week than spend one more minute with you.

“Enishi!” You called out to him from the kitchen. Ah, thank god.

“Coming!” he sat up from the table quick as lightning and dashed inside to you. “What do you need?”

“Can you fold my sleeves so I won’t get them wet?” You didn’t even finish and he was already doing your sleeves all the way up above your elbows. “Thank you!”

“No problem."

He looked at the pile of dishes you started washing, hoping you would ask him to help. Anything to stay in here with you than go outside to that creature.

"Is there anything else I can help with?”

“You could ask Cho if he wants anything else.”

His hopes were shattered the second his name cane oit of your mouth. He looked at you as if you asked him to bring you a bear or something. His eyes were pleading to stay with you in the kitchen but all you saw was a look that was weirding you out.

“Or you could wipe these dry," you suggested pointing to the dishes that needed to be taken off the drying rack so you could put the others instead.

Okay, that I can do.

“Gladly," he smiled.

You shook your head, giggling at his antics. You could tell he wasn't that fond of blondie. Cho's presence bugged you at first too but he grew on you over time. He was still the same idiot putting himself in danger recklessly but most times you were there to get him out of it.

Whatever you saw in him back then was pure and underneath all that mischief there was a boy who just didn't know what to do with his life. You understood him more than he understood you and you couldn't help but empathise with him.

"He's not that bad, you know," you said washing one of the bigger plates. You handed it to Enishi and watched him wipe it dry on all corners. Clean freak, you thought smiling.

"I'll believe it when I see it. All he's done so far is eat and sleep for free," he picked up another dish, "and make you uncomfortable after you literally saved and took care of him."

He had a point. But then again that was what you were doing too. Enishi took you in and cared for you like you were one of his own and all you did lately was abuse that. And it made you feel bad no matter how much he told you everything was okay and that he wasn't mad about it in the slightest.

"He's the only person I had for a while. As much as we didn't part on good terms I owe him a little."

Enishi wasn't stupid. He could tell there was something more between the two of you, besides slaying people for money together. He just wasn't sure if that something died three years ago, but he knew that feelings don't go away so easily. No matter how hard you try to make them disappear.

Living with not one but two copies of the male species was interesting to say the least. It's been only one day of cohabitating together and there was already a growing tension between the two.

Enishi didn't really acknowledge Cho's existence unless you mentioned him in conversation. Cho tried to annoy him on occasions where he let his guard down around you but most of the times it didn't work in his favour and he ended up being ignored.

However, the macho vibes were very strong as you were training today. Cho looked up to joining in with you and you let him despite Enishi's silent protests. You wished you listened to them.

Stretching your bodies before practice turned into a muscle flexing competition. Cho rolled his sleeves above his elbows and unbuttoned his shirt down to his navel, while Enishi took off his kimono to be left only in his tank top.

You gulped at the sight, eyes darting from one man to the other. Cho's veiny hands caught your attention first. Then your eyes moved from his collar bone all the way down to the outline of his abs that were peeking from under his shirt. You've seen them in passing when you patched him up. But seeing them in broad daylight was a totally different story. They looked so defined and sculpted. You unconsciously licked your lips at the sight, wondering how it would feel to take your time counting the squares one by one.

Your eyes then settled on Enishi and your breath hitched. His muscly biceps were already glistening with sweat from just stretching, but it was enough to make you want to chomp down on them. You've seen them so many times before but they made your mouth water every time. One flex of it and you would be on the floor seeking medical assistance.

You didn't even realise they were looking at you until you heard Cho's high pitched laughing. Enishi seemed quite amused by your reaction too, chuckling to himself. They caught you full on staring at their goodies with no shame. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole from the embarrassment.

Cho walked to you and you planted your feet to the floor trying to get back to your serious face. He stopped just a patch of grass away from you but it was enough to make you breathless. His abs were right in front of you, an elbow away.

"Better wipe the drool on your lips, princess," he said as he wiped it from your lips with his thumb.

This fucker. Wait until I wipe my fist on your lips.

"Fuck off," you pushed him away and got back to stretching with your back to them.

All was well until sword practice turned into a contest of the fittest. You were getting back to grips with your jian sword trying to remember the basic moves Enishi taught you. But the two men in front of you were deep in focus with their own longer katanas, practicing deep slashes coupled with some aerial moves. Looking at them sitting side by side, you noticed their styles were awfully similar, the only difference being that Enishi was faster and made use of his surroundings, while Cho was slower and used more tricks to slow down his opponent. Both of them appeared to be in their own element and it was a sight to behold.

Sparring wise you were kind of tossed to the side. They were too busy staring daggers at one another to notice you were there to learn stuff too. One rude insult from Cho and a twitch of Enishi's jaw later they took it upon themselves to duel.

Stepping backwards to give them more space you watched as they lunged at each other. Their eyes turned dark as their blades clashed, all semblance of humanity gone from both of them. Enishi was back in his unyielding form, forcing his attacks like a wild beast pouncing on his prey. Cho was actively trying to piss him off with tricks, sneering viciously the more he dodged Enishi's blade and pushed his buttons.

After some push and pull, combined with some cussing, the two broke apart with heaving breaths. They swirled their swords around to stretch their wrists as they continued circling each other.

"Quit playing around and fight for real," gritted Enishi.

"I am fighting for real," grunted Cho. "I think it's you who's holding back."

"I'm only holding back so I don't accidentally kill you."

"Why don't you do it then?"

He chuckled. For a brief moment his eyes locked with yours and he got some of his rationale back. He wasn't a fool. He could see right through his intentions.

"You want me to lose it and make myself look bad in front of her, don't you?"

Cho stopped moving around and played around with his blade. He got caught in the act and the look on his face gave it away too easily.

Enishi swung at him and he jumped over the slash that could've cut him in half. He spun trying to get Enishi off balance and tried cutting him back but Enishi was too fast and he could only dodge left and right.

Cho started getting sloppy. He swayed on his feet due to the gash in his leg that didn't heal properly yet. He knew he wasn't supposed to be out here but his pride got the best of him. He wanted to see what Enishi was made of and it was quite clear that he was a strong opponent.

Enishi noticed he was getting slower and used that to his advantage, combining moves that only pushed him to the edge. He wanted him to give it up and accept defeat.

Cho was forced to defend himself when Enishi's sword came down from above, blades meeting again with much more force than before. Both of them pushed with as much strength as they could to throw the other one off.

"If you're that sure of yourself, why don't we take a bet?" proposed Cho in a ploy to get Enishi to retreat.

"Oh yeah? What's in it for me?"

Cho turned his head to you and Enishi followed his gaze as they both lowered their blades. You were sitting on the ground staring up at the sky. You looked so at peace for once in a while that it calmed him down too, adrenaline from the moment drawing back into him. Cho was just as entranced by you.

"Let's see which one of us she actually wants. We both have a week to figure her out. If it's you she wants I'll be out of both of your lives in a heartbeat."

The offer was tempting. Enishi believed he had the upper hand here. He saw the way you looked at him and he wasn't entirely blind to your feelings, even if he himself was confused with his. You also had a connection between you that was hard to tear down, as much as blondie tried to interfere. If all these things played out in his favour, he could fly out the door sooner than the agreed timeline. It was a win-win situation.

But there was the possibility of him being wrong. There was a chance you still felt something for Cho and those feelings could just be waiting for him to do something to try and get you back. What if they would grow back stronger the more time you spent around him?

As much as he wanted to believe things could play out in his favour, the situation said otherwise.

Although, he was sure of one thing. That he was willing to bet everything to keep you with him. No matter what.

"But if she wants me-," Cho continued only to get cut off harshly.

"I won't let that happen," thundered Enishi.

He was more sure of himself than he's ever been before, especially because this involved you. He would stop at nothing to win you over.

"Bring it on."

Next

Thank you for reading! As always, comments, likes and reblogs are welcome :)

[heavenlyhoundoom]

Sun and Moon show incorrect quotes.

1.Eclipse: I’m totally useless. Moon: You’re not totally useless. Moon: You can be used as a bad example.

2.Ruin: Don't have a bookmark? Try ketchup instead!! Bloodmoon: What makes you think I read?

3.Lunar: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.

4.Ruin: Watcha doin? Bloodmoon: Stealing my neighbour’s cat. Ruin: Scandalous. Ruin: Can I help?

5.Bloodmoon: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Eclipse: How? Bloodmoon: I need someone to take the fall. Eclipse: What did you do? Bloodmoon: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Sun, from the other room: Oh my god. Bloodmoon: … Sun: OH MY GOD! Eclipse: Make it a hundred. Bloodmoon: Deal.

6.Earth: Do you know a turtles only weakness? Moon: No… well, their slowness. Earth: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs. Earth: Now I have a plan. Earth: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

7.Bloodmoon: You're a lying piece of shit! Eclipse: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Earth: I'm leaving and I'm taking Lunar with me! Sun, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

8.Ruin: I wanna sleep for 40 hours. Eclipse: You know that's called a coma, right? Ruin: Ruin: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.

9.Eclipse: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Eclipse lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

10.Moon: So, Bloodmoon and Ruin. Moon: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto… Bloodmoon: We had a bad day. Moon: And… MURDER?! Ruin: It was a pretty bad day…

11.after the Squad has been separated for a few years Eclipse: So what have you been up to recently? Lunar: Leading a revolution with Earth. Eclipse: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob. Lunar: nods Oh, how cool! That's awesome! Eclipse: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Ruin? Lunar: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Moon? Eclipse: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break him out later. Bloodmoon? Lunar: Cult leader. Eclipse: Yeah, that sounds about right.

12.The Squad is playing Chess Ruin: easily beats everyone because they know how to play Bloodmoon: doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway Lunar: doesn’t know the rules, and loses Moon: knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t Eclipse: Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so. Earth: They named a board game after cheese?

13.Eclispe: It’s illegal to look better than me. Bloodmoon: I guess we’re all going to jail then.

14.Ruin: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times. Moon: I hope you understand how food poisoning works. Ruin: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger i couldn’t eat.

15.Eclipse: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Ruin, rushing in: Eclipse! Bloodmoon tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

16.Ruin: I’ve only ever said ‘I love you’ to two people in my entire life: Bloodmoon and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Bloodmoon.

17.Bloodmoon, after sneaking into Lunar’s bedroom: Hey, wake up! Lunar, half awake: Huh!? Bloodmoon: I just murdered your entire family! Lunar: …But I live alone. Bloodmoon: Huh? Then who are these people in your house??? Lunar: There’s people in my house? Bloodmoon: Well not anymore! Dumb bitch! You could’ve died! You’re welcome!

18.Sun: I want to be like a caterpillar. Lunar: Explain. Sun: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful. Earth: You know they have a lifespan of a week, right? Sun: Sun: That's just another highlight!

19.Eclipse: I need some help with my homework, Earth. Earth: What’s the assignment? Eclipse: I’m supposed to write a paper that presents both sides of an issue and then defends one of the arguments. Earth: What’s your issue? Eclipse: That’s the problem. I can’t think of anything to argue. Earth: That’s hard to believe. Eclipse: I’m always right and everybody else is always wrong! What’s to argue about?!

20.Bloodmoon: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Eclipse and Lunar's convo? Moon: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Earth: I'm in the washing machine. Sun: I'm in the closet. Moon: We accept you Sun. <3 Sun: No I'm literally in the closet. Moon: Love is love. <3

[awkward-tension-art]

Remain By his Side

Chp.2 Chp.3 Chp.4 Chp.5 Chp.6 (Smut) Chp.7 Chp.8 Chp.9

You didn't expect that during your last year in undergrad, your entire life would shift. The military grabbed you, questioned you, and now you were someone they had on their radar.

Your cousin, Sherry, was as well.

And through all of this, you met Leon Kennedy. The man you'd fall in love with, and remain by his side.

~

This is gonna start off rather slow burn, but, and i'm going to go ahead and spoil, that reader and Leon DO get together. I want to write a series on Leon's relationship through out his years because of how his mental state changes through the RE series. also i'm actually a sucker for angst. a lot of angst. Also I didn't proofread, lol.

Enjoy! there will be more chapters added.

warnings: Reader is biologically female, but I try and keep pronouns gender neutral. If i ever slip up, i will need someone to tell me. This chapter has, probably, a lot of military inaccuracies. also a lot of FBI inaccuracies. Reader is a scientist and is Sherry's cousin.

Two people, a man and a woman, had walked into the class you assisted. They were wearing sharp, black suites. Their critical eyes swept over the lecture hall of about 40 undergraduate students. 

Your professor stopped the lecture on microorganisms, “I’ll give you time to write these for your notes,” He said before walking to the back of the hall.

Your attention was taken by a student raising his hand. Looking away from your professor and the strangers, you focused on the student's question. Before you could answer properly, your name was called softly and you looked up, “Keep your question, I’ll be right back.” you told him before walking to where your professor was. 

“Hi, can I help you?” You asked, unsure what was going on. Who were these people? FBI? CIA? Why’d they want to talk to you? You were just in your 4th year at the university. Did you accidentally commit a crime? Did you somehow sneak 3 pounds of heroin across the border in your sleep?

Ok, maybe not. But having two individuals with suits ask for you was weird.

The man, with cool blue eyes and dark brunette hair, confirmed your name before commanding, “Come with us. We need to ask you some questions.” Without waiting, he turned and walked out the door. The woman, a blonde with warm green eyes, followed, but turned back to make sure you were close behind. Luckily, you managed to grab your backpack before leaving.

You heard your professor begin his lecture all over again just as you walked out of the class, “Can you tell me what this is about?” You asked them as you sped up your steps to keep up with them.

“No.” 

“Who are you?” You asked them.

Wordlessly, the woman reached into her pocket and pulled out a shiny metal badge. 

FBI.

FBI?!

You shut the fuck up extremely quick.

The three of you left the building, you looked back, hoping whatever was going on would be settled quickly.

It wasn’t. At all. 

You were taken into the back of a black van. The agents sat in front of you, staring. 

“So…” You mentally cringed at how awkward you sounded, “Can I get your names?” You asked, hoping you didn’t irritate them.

“I am agent Olivia Dunham,” The woman stated, “This is agent Peter Bishop.”

Your next question was a shot in the dark, “Where are we headed?” 

“Fort Leonard Wood.” agent Dunham answered. You were pleasantly surprised she actually gave you the truth. You half expected her to say ‘classified’.

That’ll take a couple hours… you realized. Thank god you grabbed your bag. You could at least look over some of the students' papers you were supposed to grade. Besides, it’ll keep your mind busy from the anxiety you felt. 

Fort Leonard Wood was a military base. It clicked in your head, “Is my brother…” Was he ok? What happened to him? He had been sent to deal with a situation in Raccoon City. but since then, he hasn’t been heard from, “He’s in Delta Force. Did something happen?” 

“It’s not your brother we are concerned about.” Bishop responded, “It's your aunt Birkin.”

Aunt Annette?

“What-?”

“Any questions will have to wait until we get to Fort Leonard Wood.” Dunham snapped, shutting down your questions. 

Great… You swallowed and nodded before opening your bag to read and grade students' papers. You were a teacher's assistant, despite being your 4th year in undergraduate. Your professor luckily didn’t expect much heavy lifting from you. Just attend the classes to answer questions and help grade papers. It fit with your class schedule, which was a blessing considering your double major with immunology and microbiology. 

Despite your desperate attempt to focus on grading, you thought about your aunt Annette. 

You spent the summer with her, her husband and your cousin in Raccoon City. She gave you an internship for those months at Umbrella Corporation, to help your resume once you graduated. It was a wonderful summer. You were able to learn hands-on skills with research and lab work. 

You weren’t moving mountains, not in the slightest. Your tasks were mostly shadowing the other scientists, fetching them their reagents and samples, and passing along messages.

Still, the experience was one you held close to your heart.

If something was wrong with your aunt…where was Sherry?

“Is my cousin OK?” You looked up, “Please…can you tell me that much?”

Agent Duhman had sympathy for you. Thankfully, she bent and answered, “Your cousin is alive.” 

A tightness settled in your chest and wrapped around your heart. Sherry was alive? Why did the FBI establish her as alive?

Was your aunt dead? What about your uncle William?

What the fuck happened!?

The hours it took to get to the military base ticked by way too slowly. By the time the van came to a stop, you felt sick. Your hands were starting to shake and you had tunnel vision. You barely registered that you were taken out and walked into one of the facilities. Was this an administrative building? Garrison? Or was this a military prison?

The floors were white tile. The walls were painted brick. The hallways felt too small and too long. The lights felt too bright. Armed guards were at every door. You were scared. Stressed. 

What the hell was going on!?

“Wait in here.” Agent Bishop opened up a door to a small side room. There were some padded chairs and sofas. A countertop with a small coffee machine and cabinets. The door closed behind you, and you heard the door lock.

Lounge? Is this a lounge?

A small, shrill voice called your name, snapping you out of your stupor. Your cousin hopped up from one of the couches. She rushed to you and hugged your legs.

“Oh my god, Sherry!” You cried, kneeling to wrap your arms around her. You pulled her back to inspect her. She looked…filthy. Her blonde hair was crusted with grime. Her skin was covered in dirt and god knows what else. She had an unfamiliar red jacket over her shoulders. You held her face, “Sherry…what happened?”

“Sherry? Who is this?” An unfamiliar voice, masculine, grabbed your attention. He had approached and you looked up at him. The first thing you noticed were his eyes, clear and striking blue. His light hair was darkened with mud. His uniform, RPD riot gear, was torn, bloodied and soaked with…god was that sewage? His left shoulder was bandaged with filthy, graying gauze. Underneath the gore you’d consider this stranger boyishly handsome. 

This stranger was in a worse off state than your little cousin.

“Sherry is my cousin.” You said carefully, wrapping your arms around her small frame.

Your little, blonde cousin pulled back. She gained your attention and held the dirty police officer's hand, “This is Leon. He saved me.”

“Saved you? From what?” You stood, making eye contact with Leon, “I…I don’t know what's going on. I was brought here from my college…they mentioned my aunt Annette-”

“Aunt?” Leon stopped you, “you’re related to Annette Birkin?” 

You nodded, “My moms sister. What happened?” 

So Leon told you. His explanation of last night. Undead. Zombies. Carnage and chaos. He told you that your uncle had become a mutated monster. Your aunt had been killed, crushed to death by his claws. He told you what he knew of the virus called ‘G-virus’. He was sparing you details, you knew that. Everything was vague enough that you had to assume some details on your own.

Halfway through his talk you had to sit down. 

The destruction of Raccoon City. Your aunt had a hand in the deaths of thousands. You did too, to a degree. You had that summer internship…

You held your cousin tightly. Silent tears slipping down your cheeks. Your emotions were haywire. Now, countless questions bounced around in your skull. 

Did your family know? Where was your brother? What will happen to Leon and Sherry? Why did this have to happen? 

You didn’t have much time to ask Leon any questions, because agent Bishop returned and took you away. You were questioned for over an hour by him, a soldier and then agent Dunham. Apparently you were a person of interest because of your internship. According to the FBI, it was suspicious that you worked for Umbrella and left a month before Raccoon City fell to undead. 

You had to convince them that you didn’t know that this would happen. You didn't know what the N.E.S.T was. You didn’t know the G-virus existed. You didn’t know your aunt was even doing something with such a dangerous virus.

Finally, you were released. You were taken back to the lounge, and told to wait. Your parents were on their way to be questioned. As well as your other siblings. You still haven't heard anything about your brother…

You sat on the couch, Sherry asleep next to you. Across from you on the other one was Leon. He was leaning back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. He was waiting for…something. Family, perhaps? A girlfriend? Hell, maybe a boyfriend?

“Thank you,” You spoke softly, “For keeping Sherry safe.”

He perked up and looked at you before he nodded, “I’d do it all over again if I had to.” Leon said with a small smile. Though, you could detect that it was hollow. Empty. He was in pain both mentally and physically. 

“You're a good man,” You said, feeling the need to give him something close to reassurance before you continued, “What's going to happen to you and Sherry?” That question had been in your head the moment you united with your cousin.

He shook his head, “I don’t know.”

You frowned, “Where will you go once all of this is said and done?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you have any family?” Looking back, it was definitely an insensitive question. But you didn’t know how someone like Leon could have no family. 

He shook his head and your heart broke. 

“I’m sorry…” You mumbled, “I..I didn’t mean to assume-.”

“It's OK.” the officer gently said, “You didn’t know.”

There was a lot you didn’t know. 

You didn’t know your aunt and uncle were making biological weapons. You didn’t know you worked for a company that destroyed a whole city. You didn’t know what a bioweapon was. 

You didn’t know when your family would get here. You didn’t know where your Delta Force brother was.

You didn’t know when the government decided to bomb Raccoon City. You didn’t know when the city was wiped off the face of the earth. You didn’t know how many souls were burned away and obliterated.

There was a lot you didn’t know.

[dragonagitator]

What do all y'all think about headcanoning that Dr. Allison Cameron on House MD has borderline personality disorder?

It's not a perfect fit, but there's currently no good in-universe explanation as to why she behaved so inconsistently from episode to episode, including straight-up contradicting herself on numerous occasions. (The IRL explanation is that she was written inconsistently because her role in the show was to merely act as a foil for the other characters instead of being a fully developed character.)

DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder, with the symptoms Cameron exhibited on the show bolded:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

That's only 4 and you need 5 for a diagnosis, but we don't really know what was going on inside her head so it's entirely plausible that she could have been experiencing #1 and #9 and just never disclosed it to anyone.

I ask not because I enjoy diagnosing fictional characters for shits and giggles but because I'm writing a House MD fanfic and I have absolutely no idea how to write Cameron. How do you write consistent, believable characterization for someone who didn't even have that in canon?

I do, however, have plenty of IRL experience with friends and exes who have BPD, as well as with briefly being misdiagnosed with it myself before a more competent psychiatrist changed my diagnosis to CPTSD instead. So I've done enough reading on the topic that I'm confident I could believably write a character with BPD.

In the show, it seems like Chase was a stabilizing influence on Cameron, but they will never get together in my isekai fanfic because my author-self-insert OFC will steer Chase away from Cameron long before she has the chance to sink her claws into my precious baby boy.

So, one of the potential unintended consequences of the OFC changing canon could be that Cameron is much more emotionally unstable now. An unattached Cameron would probably also be much more relentless in her pursuit of House, which creates a nice obstacle for the House/OFC slow burn that will be the central ship of my story.

Meanwhile, one of the central themes of my story will be how quickly things can go completely off the rails when you think you can predict the future. The OFC being unpleasantly surprised to discover that the tradeoff of making Chase's and House's lives better is that Cameron's life is now significantly worse would fit into that theme well.

If you're a Cameron fan, what are your thoughts on writing her as if she has BPD? Especially if it was done purposely, instead of how she was inadvertently written that way on the show.

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 50 - Locked In

This week’s post is all about being locked in places together - be it various closets, elevators or islands. Thank you to @goddessalthena for being my gif fairy godmother 😘

Just wanted give everyone a heads up that I have only 2 more currently planned posts left to make it to the full 52 weeks. I still have some other ideas/lists and will share those at a later date, but this seemed to be a nice round milestone. I really hope you enjoyed these and discovered stories and authors, and maybe even got some new favourites. 

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

Seven Minutes in Heaven - @idesofnovember

Mini collection of stories throughout the original anime run where Usagi and Mamoru keep ending up in the closet together, at first because of fate or luck and later because of their meddling friends. 

Seven Minutes - colormeferret

A cute little reveal story where our duo getting stuck together in the closet during a game plays a big part. 

One Month: Trapped - @sailorsilverladybug

I am going to start with a disclaimer: there are a lot of stranded on an island stories between AO3 and FFN, and one of the themes that runs through is non-consensual intimacy. This particular story is not an exception, but what sets this one apart, and the reason why I included it on the list, is because there is a lot of discussion about consequences and legitimising of feelings for those impacted by the choices of others. Please make sure to check the tags and read the author's note before starting. 

Motoki and (some of) the girls decide that to stop Usagi and Mamoru from arguing they need to kidnap them and leave them on a deserted island for a month to get over their hostility for the good of the world (at least that’s Rei and Minako’s reasoning).

Intentionally Trapped - @ninjettetwitch

After having an absolutely horrible day at work, Mamoru decides to still go to Minako’s party only to blow up at Usagi because of his bad mood. Leading a very stern chat in a stopped elevator followed by a steamy make-up. 

Game Night - @riverlethe

Minako decides that they deserve a night off and best way to have fun is a game “night” at the arcade, where an increasing number of participants eventually includes Mamoru. Running out of games to play, Unazuki eventually suggests “7 Minutes in Heaven”. 

11 Hours - @floraone

This story is based around a study which postulated that with a specific set of questions and at least 4 hours together, two people can start falling in love. In this multi-chapter, our protagonists get stuck in an elevator, discovering things about their past, likes and dislikes, working through social anxiety and preconceived notions.  

---

That's it for this week! Two remaining posts will be as follows:

September 4 - Furniture

September 11 - Crystal Tokyo

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

Week 23 - ❤️Valentines Day❤️

Week 24 - Do a Grouch a Favour Day (or Cheer Up Fics)

Week 25 - Soulmate AU

Week 26 - Amnesia Fics (and resources)

Week 27 - 🍀St Patrick's Day🍀

Week 28 - Fix it Fics

Week 29 - Prompt: Mug

Week 30 - Flowers

Week 31 - Traditions

Week 32 - Dreams

Week 33 - Friends

Week 34 - Body-Swap

Week 35 - Medical Assistance

Week 36 - Sex Pollen

Week 37 - Psychometry

Week 38 - What If

Week 39 - Missing Scenes Part I

Week 40 - Green Jacket

Week 41 - Dr Chiba

Week 42 - Birthdays

Week 43 - Fluff

Week 44 - First Kiss

Week 45 - Reviving Shitennou

Week 46 - Tutoring

Week 47 - Thunderstorms

Week 48 - Food

Week 49 - Proposals

[the-ace-with-spades]

Dunno if I'm going to ever finish it (written in bits and pieces at the moment, about 2 out 9 chapters done + dialogues for the rest) but I might as well post it here. It was supposed to be part 1 of a series (the cure series) but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

'cause boys don't cry AU after Eddie leaves 118. When Eddie says a few words too much during an argument, Buck decides to leave LA but still stays in contact with everyone and still acts like Chris' second parent despite being miles away. It takes him two years hopping around the country to realize that his family will still be there without their workplace holding them together. It takes Eddie less to realize he misses him like a lung. Buck-centric, character study, slow burn, mutual pinning, getting together

.

Any kind of holiday cheer has left Buck and by the time he and Taylor are back in his loft, all he wants to do is sleep and forget the whole day happened.

Taylor takes it in stride. Buck has long suspected that she knows a bit too much about the feelings he has regarding Eddie—the feelings that are also too much. She’s been patient with him, like no one else has ever been, to the point that Buck felt guilt about how she was giving him more than he was giving her.

She lets Buck fester in his own mind while she keeps herself busy with unpacking the leftovers and tupperware Bobby handed them on their way out. She puts it all in the fridge which Buck will have to rearrange later and switch some of the stuff into the freezer. He has his own system and she doesn't know it, even after almost a year of dating. It’s fine.

"I know we promised not to talk about it until after New Year," Taylor says when she closes the fridge, voice soft and soothing in the silence of the loft, "but maybe it's a sign."

"Maybe," he agrees.

A few days before Christmas, Taylor got a job offer. In New York. They promised to talk about that first thing first, in January. They haven't talked about it beyond the offer that Buck could be a firefighter in New York. It was Taylor's offer, a compromise that would keep their both careers intact; an offer that seemed perfect on paper.

One thing is clear—Taylor is going, with or without Buck.

And the thing is, Buck would never hold her back, would never ask her to stay in LA with him and that was probably saying more about their relationship than he'd like to admit. But up until this point, he'd been thinking about a way they should go about their split up—because Buck couldn't do a long-distance relationship again—and not whether he actually could be a firefighter in New York. The wait has, so far, been unexpectedly good for them—maybe a deadline to judge how true their I love yous and I miss yous were and deciding whether the last year really proved they were better as a couple than as friends, maybe it was a good thing. Maybe the certainty that by January, they will know what the rest of their year will look like was something they both needed.

"Let me write some emails before going to bed," he tells her.

She smiles back at him, in a way that's almost calming. Not quite, but maybe in a couple of years…

Three hours later, Buck is tired. He's researched how external transfer could work—and it's manageable even if barely—and he's sent seven different emails with his firefighter CV and certs to various chiefs, admins and HR people.

Maybe it's impulsive. Maybe he should wait a bit and cool down. But maybe this is how he should do things—with his heart as the only guide. And his heart is hurt enough that he would do anything to leave LA as fast as he can.

Taylor brings him a mug of cinnamon tea and he gives her a kiss and the only thing his brain wants to acknowledge right at the moment is that Eddie hates cinnamon.

.

The next day, they are at work—having the Christmas Day off means going to work before or after it, or both, in Buck's case—and Buck is tying his shoes on the bench in the locker room.

Everyone is quiet. There's no Eddie. The only familiar faces are Hen and Ravi but the rest of the crew is also avoiding Buck's eyes, like they know he can break at the right look.

"You alright, Buck?" Hen asks, in the end, because someone has to and Bobby is already in his office.

"Peachy."

There's nothing else to say. Eddie was right—he has no right to be angry, about anything, or sad or disappointed or—It's not Buck's place to feel anything regarding Eddie or Christopher and he might have forgotten about it but now that he remembers, he's fine. He is.

Everyone leaves the locker room without a word. It's still ten minutes before the shift begins.

Buck keeps on trying and trying but he can't tie his shoes correctly, his hands shaking enough that both ends tangle together before he can make a proper knot.

Hen steps closer, because she won't leave him alone like this. But that's the thing—she will. Three years and she will be doing rounds in a hospital with other med students. And maybe she gave them a lot of heads up to get used to the idea and maybe, definitely, she will be a brilliant doctor, but it's all the same.

Hen stops his hands from tugging on the shoelaces. Her fingers wrap around his palms, embracing the tense muscles until he loosens the grip. She guides them away, closer to her waist.

"Buck," she says. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm fine, Hen."

There's no other truth. He has no right to any other truth.

"I know you're mad, Buck, and I know you don't want Eddie to leave but—"

"I'm not mad, Hen," he interrupts and it's not a lie. He's not mad—he's hurt and he feels stupid that he forgot his place and that he let himself get comfortable and hopeful again. Things with Eddie hadn't been great ever since the shooting and only spiraled downhill once Buck moved out of Eddie's house after he recovered enough to take care of himself and Christopher on his own—he should have known that it was Eddie's choice, that he was recreating boundaries for Buck so he wouldn't cross into a territory he shouldn't.

But it was too late for that.

Buck has already crossed every boundary anyone from the One-Eighteen had set for him. It wasn't intentional—he just thought his boundaries were in the same spots as everyone else's, that they weren't playing house, that they were living it, the same way he did.

"I think Eddie is making the right decision," Buck tells her because that's also the truth and he doesn't like lying.

If Eddie had talked to him about it, Buck would have told him that too—he would have been supportive, would have helped him with shortlisting potential jobs, would have helped him with talking about it with Christopher, would have set a budget and time-off plan, would have put some order into the chaos the decision was. Eddie was doing what was best for Christopher and that—that's something Buck would never deny him. But Eddie hadn't talked to him about it.

And that hurt. That hurt because one of the things Buck has always thought he would have, no matter what his feelings for Eddie were—platonic, romantic or too messed up to name—was that little place in Eddie's family.

And it was like Maddie all over again, too. Because he thought he had that little place in Maddie and Chim's family, that he would be part of the struggle and the decisions and he would be part of the help. It wasn’t about Maddie not being there for him, it was about Maddie not allowing him to be there for her. It's never been about being left behind—it's always been about being part of someone else, having a place with someone.

And if Buck's not part of any of the two, then who exactly is he? Who is Evan Buckley? Maybe it's time to figure it out, on his own. Maybe it's just part of being a human, leaving others behind, never really settling down with anyone, and maybe Buck needs to do exactly that.

He clenches his jaw and slides his hands out of Hen's grip.

He gives her a small smile and uses the same shaking hands to finally tie his boots. He can't look her in the eyes, at least not for more than a millisecond.

"I'm fine, Hen. Really."

.

Eddie doesn't show up to the shift, or the rest of his shifts, before his two weeks notice runs out—Bobby said he used up the leftover PTO he had, to focus on finding a new job and adjusting to a new life.

Buck picks up Christopher on both Wednesdays and they have a little trip to the cinema and to the new interactive science exhibition for kids they opened just after New Year's. Buck worked on New Year's Eve and on New Year's Day. He takes Chris back home but never walks him past the porch, just watches Eddie open the door for Chris, like he was waiting at the entrance since he heard Buck's Jeep park on his driveway.

He texts Eddie for the first time in two weeks, still sitting in his car in Eddie's driveway, seeing the light turning on in the kitchen of Eddie's house. His engine is on, waiting for Buck to make the escape, to be chased or to be chased out.

To Eddie: Ill pick him up from school for a sleepover next fri

Then, he adds, because he realizes he should be asking for permission;

To Eddie: If its alright with you

A text comes in a minute later.

From Eddie: I have a taster day on sat To Eddie: Ill take him to your abuela b4 my shift then

He puts the Jeep in reverse. He drives to the loft and once he is in the underground parking lot of his apartment complex, he texts Taylor.

To Taylor: Lets do it

There's no signal underground so the text doesn't go through until he's in the elevator. He could unsent it in the next three minutes it takes him to go across the parking lot, if he wanted.

He doesn't unsent it.

He cooks dinner—too much because he never really stopped being used to cooking for two grown men and a growing pre-teen, but Taylor can always take some to work for lunch the next day. It’s a compromise.

Taylor doesn't text him but when she finally comes back from work, she has a soft smile on her face.

She takes a look at Buck, sitting on his couch with an open laptop and filled-out application forms and drafted reply emails to both the chief and the HR admin from FDNY, and she looks at him and steps closer and guides Buck's head onto her chest.

Buck sighs when she brushes her fingers through the short hair on the back of his neck.

It's not quite what he wants but it's something he can grasp now and something that a new place, maybe, can shape into something he wants.

.

On Thursday, Buck goes to work early. Or earlier than he usually would. He goes through the motions—puts on freshly washed and dried uniform, button after button, even getting done the collar one today, slips his boots on and folds his civvies into a neat pile, packs it all back into the sports bag. He goes through the locker too, packs the athletic wear he has to wash between a small towel and gets rid of the little notes, photos and trinkets he has pinned to the inside of the door. It all lands in the trash can, except for the drawing he has from Christopher, of Buck in turnout gear, now years old, and a little origami flower he got from a kid he had rescued from a pile-up his first year on the job.

His name tag is still missing on his chest and as he looks into the mirror on the wall, checking if he's pinning it down straight and while staring at the Buckley written on the silver plate, he realizes he will have to give back his uniform on his last day.

FDNY doesn't have name tags. Their surnames are embroidered onto the uniform in a bright red thread, permanent in a way that Buck would have loved not so long ago.

"Buck," is what shakes him out of his head.

He looks up in the mirror and Bobby's face is already catching his eyes in the reflection.

"You're early," Bobby continues, in that level-headed, monotone voice he uses when he isn't sure what's going on but has a feeling about it. "There's over half an hour left before the shift starts."

Buck doesn't know what to say to that so he asks, "Can we talk? In private?"

Bobby takes him upstairs, to his office. They are quiet on the way there and Bobby's hand is warm on the small of his back when he closes the door behind them. He doesn't sit down, instead, he leans on his desk and looks at Buck. His arms are open like he's preparing for a hug—Buck expected them to be crossed over his chest.

"Cap—" he says and then he corrects himself. "Bobby, I didn't want you to hear from anyone else but I already submitted a copy to the chief."

He hands him the manila folder he snatched from his locker before following him out of the changing area. Bobby opens the elastic in a second and reads the papers inside.

“I think it’s time,” Buck adds when Bobby doesn't say anything.

This stirs something. Bobby looks almost angry—it's a look Buck's never seen on him. Disappointed, disapproving, defeated? Buck's seen that, not this.

“Time for what? I thought this is what you wanted, what you fought for. Buck, you can’t just—”

“It’s an external transfer, Cap, not a resignation letter," he interrupts. Bobby could, probably, talk him out of this and he knows it.

He needs him not to talk him out of this.

“I need a minute to myself, find a place in—with someone. I got too attached to this,” he admits, without really admitting what this means. “To the station, to the crew, to… We might act like it sometimes, but it isn't a family, isn’t that what you told me? I think I took it too far and—it's not—”

Healthy. It's not healthy for him.

Bobby flinches at the words, maybe because he hasn’t remembered them until now or maybe because he hasn’t thought that Buck would remember them. And he hadn't, not until a few days ago when his heart started breaking after sustaining too many cracks in the last months. It’s been five years and Buck still remembers. This is not a family.

And that's Buck's main point here—it's been five years and Buck is in the same place as he started, maybe there's less stolen trucks and meaningless hookups but emotionally, he's stuck. Desperate for a family. Loving with his whole heart without being loved back the same amount. With no clue who he is, except that he is a firefighter, and although this, somehow, might give him a lifeline to grasp, it's not enough anymore. He doesn't want to just survive, he wants to thrive.

“We are a family, Buck. This crew, we all love you, we will always be your family—”

Buck wants to believe it—

“On shift, maybe.” —he knows better now though. “But after the shift, you all will have your real families. You’ve got Athena, and May, and Harry, and Micheal, Hen has Karen and Denny and her fosters, and—and Chim will have Maddie and Jee and I—I just have an empty apartment and way too many feelings. I hate it, Bobby, I hate how this makes me feel so angry and so desperate and so empty, and I need to be less attached. I need to know who I am again without questioning how much of this is real and how much I imagined.”

He can't look Bobby in the eyes—he knows what he would see if he does. Defeat. Sadness. Maybe even a bit of a heartbreak.

“Taylor got a job offer in New York, I checked with the command and they would need me to recertify there if I wanted to be a fully trained firefighter on the crew or squad but they will gladly let me be a floater in the meantime, I don't even have to redo the full training, just pass the ones reciprocity can't be reached on. I’ll technically belong to Station Two-Fifty-Two but I’ll be bouncing around to whichever house will need me at the time. It’ll be good for me, not getting too involved, you know? Just doing what I love with no strings attached.”

No boundaries to cross or to overstretch. Just Buck, in his purest form. Just Buck, not the imagined version he created in his own mind. No Buck 1.0, no Buck 2.0, no Buck 3.0, no Buck 4.0. Just Buck.

Just Evan.

"It'll be good, I promise," he says and it almost sounds like he's saying, I'll be good.

Bobby stands there, his arms falling down his sides. And then he opens them again, this time wider, this time leaning into Buck's space from afar.

Buck lets him hug him. Lets him hold his nape in his palm and lets him guide Buck's face into his shoulder. Lets him sway Buck from side to side until Bobby's breathing, shallow and rapid, is back to normal. Lets himself have this for the last time.

"Please don't tell anyone about it, Bobby," he pleads into his shoulder. "I have two weeks left. I want them to be normal."

Bobby squeezes his shoulders tighter.

.

On Friday, he picks up Chris from school.

First thing in the morning, while, he knows, Eddie is driving Chris to school, he parks on the driveway and uses the spare key to get in. He tries not to look around—at the dirty dishes in the sink, at the thrown over the couch blankets, at Eddie's unused work shoes, sitting near the entrance.

It's not his place, to look at them.

Instead, he packs an overnight bag for Chris—his favorite PJs, two in case something gets spilled, clothes for the next day, his weekend workbook, his space-themed notebook, his comfort blanket, the one he had since he was a baby, and Chris's meds for two days.

He hesitates before going back out to his car. Turns around back to the kitchen and takes a sticky note from the fridge and writes down what he doesn't want to say.

Packed stuff for Chris for the weekend. Don't freak out if anything is missing.

The key is under the mat

– Buck

He leaves the sticky note on the fridge and leaves the spare key under the mat. He's flying out in two days, on an overnight flight on Sunday, it's not like he's going to use it again.

Chris is happy to see him. Just like Buck suspected, Eddie hasn't told him the plan for the day. Buck clenches his jaw before saying something along the lines, Glad you liked the surprise, buddy.

The day is good. They start up by making dough for a homemade pizza and the loft looks like a warzone afterwards but Buck doesn't care. While the dough is left to grow, he helps Chris with his homework and then, they finish up the pizza, making a monstrosity of various toppings that probably shouldn't go together. It’s something they’d done multiple times over the years, even if Eddie is usually there with them.

Chris is amazing the whole day like he always is. They play a mix of video games and board games and even play some modified Uno. Chris rambles about his school day throughout the whole ordeal and runs down possible ideas for his upcoming projects by Buck and they discuss the idea of making a giant soda volcano, just to spite Eddie when it inevitably erupts in their living room—Buck makes him promise he will take a picture of Eddie's face when it happens.

They finish up with a healthy snack—veggies and hummus—and Chris and he brush their teeth before they go to bed for their half an hour of before-bed quiet reading time, each with their own book. When Chris's eyes get tired, Buck finishes up the chapter for him, reading out loud, until Chris curls into his chest on the brink of sleep.

Buck tucks them both in. Chris falls asleep as soon as he kisses his forehead.

He remembers the first time like this, back when Eddie was dating Ana and Chris came for a sleepover in the loft while his dad was breaking Buck's heart, laughing in a restaurant with a woman that wasn't Buck. He had been anxious the whole evening and trying desperately not to think why Eddie wanted Chris to sleep at Buck's and not Buck at their house. But as soon as Chris was under Buck's covers, the only thing he could think about was just how scared he was to sleep with Chris in the same bed. 

Because no matter how big it was, Chris was so small and Buck was not and Buck was a kicker—and a snorer, according to Chris and Eddie—and the thought of hurting Chris, even by accident, or even putting him in any form of discomfort, made him want to grab a spare blanket and sleep on the floor next to the bed.

He stayed awake for about an hour after Chris fell asleep with his head on his chest, contemplating just not going to sleep, when he felt Chris's own legs kicking his thigh with a single, abrupt movement. And then, somehow, he knew Chris would be fine.

And he holds Chris, for an hour, without falling asleep, just like back then, and he knows Chris will be fine with him leaving. He will be fine because he will make sure of that. It's not going to be like his dad leaving for the army or like his mom leaving for LA after breaking down.

It’s a normal day. The upcoming days will also be normal, even if different.

They are eating breakfast in Buck’s kitchen the next morning, Taylor comes in, says hi to Chris and leaves within minutes with her laptop. Before she goes, she stops in the doorframe, looking at Chris’s back, at how unsuspecting he is, and gives Buck a smile that feels like a squeeze of a hand. He nods back at her and smiles, his cheeks protesting at the motion.

Chris is still half-awake but he finishes his choco-chip pancakes without problems. It’s slow, and quiet, and sunny and Buck hates it.

"There's something we should talk about," he starts when Chris is scrapping off the whipped cream off the side of his plate. Buck hasn’t even tried to eat. "Something I have to tell you."

[shittybutterfly]

The Affair

Okay, yes I know, this post is very bad. I'm not justifying what I've done, I feel guilty about it, and nothing I can or will say will make you understand why I did what I did.

But here's the story.

It all started with a text, one simple text to a man that I didn't know. A text about a fire permit.

Let me give you some context.

Blake and I bought a farm, surrounded by holiday resorts and holiday farms. All these places around us did fire breaks and block burns, and every year you need to do an application for a fire permit. Now what did I know about fire permit applications, nothing. Who did I think knew about these things, obviously the property owners around us.

Now I didn't just text him, I texted some of the neighbors that I knew, that I met. He was the only one that I haven't met.

5th May 2023, a simple text.

"Hi Conrad, it's Ash for ThisFarm.

Sorry to bother you."

"You bother me,

Never."

My heart burned. I never met this man, and have only seen him is the passing on the road but never took a moment to really look at him. And here I was, getting excited over a text message. Well that text message led me into a whirl wind of a romance that I never thought would ever happen.

It started off slow, a text here and there everyday for a week, and sending Instagram memes back and forth. But one day that fascination took over full force, and we texted from 3pm to 1am. And that started then from 7am to 1am.

I fell in love with a man that I have never met, a man that I have never seen. It was bliss. I found myself opening up to him about my trauma and my life, something that I have never done. I found my comfort, a person who I felt entirely safe with.

And little did I know that I would be his safe space.

Conrad has been in a 19 year relationship, dated for 9 and married for 10. But his wife is sick. She has an uncurable disease that is slowly eating away at her. She has strokes, and mood swings, and has started becoming somewhat abusive with her words and actions.

I became a solace for him. And the texting became for intimate. I yearned for him. So quickly my heart got attached to this man.

"It's to click with someone

Just being in tune

Same wave length and not expecting anything from the other person but being happy to msg them or them me

And love spending time with them

Time is good."

"Morning beautiful

So ill be first

I want to kiss every scar you have

Then all will be better"

"Here is something pretty

''You should get a flower everyday so you can walk in a garden forever ''

This man became a part of my soul.

We made a date, a Saturday, when my husband would be at work, that he would come by the house and we could meet. I won't forget that day, it was one of the happiest days of my life.

I turned around and there he stood, in my front door, the sun illuminating his silhouette. He's tall, stunningly beautiful, he has the bluest eyes, like swirling pools in the ocean. He has those eyes that stare past you and straight into your soul. He has nice hands, pretty hands, probably my favorite part of his body.

I smiled, and I felt my heart beat in my throat, I was nervous and scared, but so excited. He smiled and I felt the earth move beneath my feet. He stretched out his hand and this man, brought me flowers. The only other time I ever got flowers was from my grandad when I gave birth, and here this man was bringing me flowers, only because I told him an insignificant detail of my life.

I stood up high on my toes and wrapped my arms around him and he took ahold of me and I felt his warmth. The scent of his skin, I felt the strength of his arms and the grip of his hands.

We spend about 2 hours together, and it felt like a few minutes. It felt so normal, like we've known each other our whole lives. He told me more about his family, and the sickness his wife has.

My heart yearned for him, but the moment that it all came together in a perfect red bow was when my daughter woke up.

She woke up walked outside onto the veranda, took one look at him, and lifted her arms up to him.

He picked her up and she sat on his lap and he played with her and she cuddled him. In that moment, I saw a life that I wanted. I saw a future that I wanted.

I wanted another woman's husband, knowing full well how wrong it is, but I had no intention of stopping.

"We would be good together." He texts me.

And so it became Saturday to Saturday.

He is respectful. He even asked me permission if he could kiss me. He never tried to engage in anything sexual, and never forced himself onto me.

One month became two, and we started video calling each other at night when everyone went to bed. Both our phones would be on mute and we would just sit.

A part of me wanted him, everything, I wanted a life with him, but the other part of me knew that it won't happen.

I wouldn't allow him to leave his wife for me, and I didn't think I'd ever find the courage to leave Blake. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wanted something that I couldn't have, and I couldn't leave something that I didn't know how to cope without.

But I loved him, I still love him. Everyday.

And he loves me.

[unspeakable3]

10 Lines Tagging Game

Thanks for the tag @leogichidaa !! 💛

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway ❤️

1: stars shine more darkly (wip: canon-compliant regulus, pt.2 of 3)

This was not Regulus’s first funeral.

2: [untitled ted/andromeda] (wip: canon-compliant ted/andromeda getting together)

A late summer breeze drifts through Cadogan Square and into Andromeda’s bedroom on the third floor of the Black-Rosiers’ London dwelling. It rustles the stack of neatly-cut parchment on her desk and she turns, quickly, to dart over to secure it before the unruly breeze can send her old sixth-year revision notes scattering across the bedroom.

3: [untitled flower shop/tattoo parlour au] (wip: regulus/diana getting together possible muggle au)

The bell above the shop door tinkles. Regulus doesn’t bother to look up from his sketchbook - it’s a Sunday afternoon, which means Mrs Ackerman will want to have a browse of his discounted blooms before he closes for his odd Monday-Tuesday ‘weekend’ in an hour or so. 

4: [untitled first wizarding war] (wip: regulus survives; regulus & sirius & narcissa & walburga povs)

They’ve been told to meet him by the old abandoned lighthouse. 

5: december, 1983 (complete: regulus/diana, regulus lives au)

Regulus hears hurried steps echoing in the stairwell. He is not alarmed; the past eleven years of communal living would have beaten such concerns out of him, even if he couldn’t recognise the steps. Diana is always in a rush to climb the stairs, her heeled boots thud-thud-thudding on each step, and is just as slow to descend them again. Regulus likes to think it’s because she’s eager to see him and reluctant to leave. It’s one of the things he loves most about her.

6: i am terribly sorry for dying (complete: ghost regulus keeps a diary)

I thought, once, that equating death with sleep was mere poetic exuberance. A romanticisation, of sorts. A way to ease the common wizard’s fears about the ever-looming end of his life. But now that I am dead - or rather, now that I am half-dead, no longer living, merely lingering - I know that the poets were right. Death is sleep. And a ghost is an insomniac.

7: stars shine darkly (complete: canon-compliant regulus, pt.1 of 3)

The steam twisted around him, winding into shimmering emerald spirals. It rose out of the bath in the form of hazy, misty manticores and hippogriffs, dragons and sea serpents, a snarling chimaera that charged into the tiled wall and burst into a thousand pearlescent curls. 

8: is this hell? (completeish: regulus lives au)

"Master Regulus!" He burns. Everything burns. Fiendfyre is rushing through his body, consuming him from the inside out. The flames lick at his throat and he scratches at it, claws at his own feverish skin, desperate for some release.

9: the cave (complete: ghost regulus lingers in the cave)

He’d never meant for it to happen like this.

10: the end of the line (complete: snapshots from sirius's life in front of the tapestry)

Sirius sits back on his heels, folds his arms, and inspects his handiwork.  “I need something blue,” he announces.

tagging @broomsticks @constitutionalweasleymonarchy @mundrakan @anemicc-royalty @ncoincidences @regulusarchieblack @green-and-grey-kenaz @bluesundaycake @casquecest @girl-with-goats ✨💛

[ohmytomorrowisthursday]

Until I Fall - Part 9

Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader.

Eventual romance but this is a slow burn, definitely angsty and darker. It will also focus a lot on Hange, Erwin and the original scouts. Eren and the 104th training corps will be around but I’m focusing on the older characters in here. Your self insert name is ‘Azeria Becker’ pronouns She/Her/Hers. Using a name because don’t like using ‘y/n’.  

Cannon universe. I wrote this for myself but I hope that you enjoy it, too lol <3

cw: imagine literally every awful/gory thing that happens in SNK. Death, violence and gore. Drinking, sex. (bolded ones in this chapter)

I will be releasing 2 chapters at a time every few days. You can find all chapters here.

The days leading up to the 27th expedition all rolled together. More training, more sitting in the boardrooms and most importantly, checking the signal flares every morning and night to make sure they were all working. Erwin was adamant that his squad needed to prove the usefulness of the devices. He didn't explain further but the look in his eyes was of determination. There was only one instruction for you all; don't fail and don't die. Everyone seemed calm, but with each passing day the silence in the room grew. Soon you'd be back out in hell, fighting for your life again.

The night before the expedition, the dining hall was filled with a different air. You were sitting nexts to Ilse and a few of your fellow trainees tonight. You wanted to see them all. The odds were low that you all would be in that room again, and it was a strange, cold feeling to have. People talked of their families, their friends and what foods they wanted to eat when they got back. Everyone desperately longed for something that would be strong enough to make them fight. You talked about your parents. They were engineers in the interior who had mostly built houses and transport carriers. When you told them that you were becoming a scout, they were so mad.

"We worked hard to make a good name for ourselves, we've given you the best education and connections so that you could come back and become an MP. Why, Azeria? Why would you do this to your mother and I?" Your fathers words still rattled in your head. "Because," You stood your ground, trying to hold back the tears you felt from their disappointment, "There has to be more out there. There has to be something that we can do. I refuse to believe the only options are to hide away or get eaten. Even if you don't understand my choices, you need to know that this is what I've always wanted."

Now that you had seen titans up close, it felt like you couldn't go back to who you were before. Even though it terrified you; their horrible screams and the sounds of your comrades being eaten. It put you into a paralyzing fear just to think of it. But you would never be the same person that you were before that first expedition. You couldn't run away. Now that you had fought, you needed to keep going.

"Ilse, where are you in the formation tomorrow?" You asked as the two of you sat in your bunks, "I think our squad is riding just out behind the Commander; middle formation. I'm guarding the supply carts." You felt a little relief knowing that. It would be one of the safest places. "I wish I was up at the front with you," She said, stretching herself down into the sheets. "Me too," you yawned, "Just keep it up, you'll be with me soon." Night had arrived but your heart was racing. You stared up at the patterns in the wood on the ceiling for what felt like hours until sleep took over your body.

Finally; morning arrived. You rode out of Shiganshina just after breakfast. It was a gloomy day, the sky was full of heavy grey clouds that threatened of rain and that was never a good thing during expeditions. The streets were full with people looking to watch the spectacle of the Scouts. Riding up at the front on Erwin's team was a rush. He lead the group out with Commander Shadis, followed by Hange and Levi, then Oliver, Mike and finally, you. "Enjoy it, kid. It's never the same when we return," Mike said over his shoulder to you. Looking around at the people, you saw all of the faces cheering you on. Even after the first expedition, you felt the pressure of being a Scout. Looking in front of you, the rest of your squad sat straight, faces determined. You adjusted yourself to copy them. We will not let you down. We will create the freedom of the future. But even as you thought it, you couldn't ignore the sound of your own heart pounding in your ears. The gates rose up in front of you. It was time. The ground rumbled with the sound of the hundreds of horses.

"Soldiers, advance to positions!" Commander Shadis yelled, his voice booming. Your squad took the lead. With all of the best soldiers in the front, you were guaranteed to encounter most of the titans. Erwin wanted to spread out everyone even further on the front line because of the signal guns. The Commander would be riding beind your squad to instruct the other teams behind him. The hope was that by having Erwin take on most of the titans up front, less of the soldiers in the back would be at risk. The goal was to find a suitable landscape perimeter that could be added as another outpost town to wall Maria. If the Scouts could establish a location that was naturally protected from titans then building could commence in the summer, and there would be new land to plant crops for the following spring. The only problem was that it seemed too good to be true.

"Soldiers, take your positions!" Erwin commanded. Like clockwork the group divided. Levi was at the front point, Hange on the far left and Mike on the far right with the rest of your squad broken up within the formation. Erwin rode in the middle to give signals. It didn't take long. You saw Levi's signal flare go off far ahead. Suddenly, a red flare from the far right, and then the far left. You kept riding, waiting for Erwins call. Finally, a green flare; move to the west. You shot your first flare and saw the other green smoke signals fly around you. The formation shifted, but the red flares shot out again from all sides. That wasn't a good sign. Then; black smoke. Shot from all three sides of the formation. How could there be abnormals in all directions?

"Azeria, let's go support!" Oliver yelled across to you. You turned your horse to follow him and the two of you rode in Mike's direction. It didn't take long to spot it; a ten meter titan, running towards the scouts. Your heart raced in your chest. You had never encountered an abnormal before. Mike had his swords drawn. The ground shook with the sounds of the horses running and the titans feet. Then, from behind the abnormal you spotted two more titans. "Shit," you cursed, "Looks like he brought friends."

Oliver clipped the reigns of his horse, "You take the 4 meter; I'll take on the 8!" The two of you galloped faster, Mike hollered to the two of you, "Leave me with this one, take care of the rest!" You passed by the abnormal; it was big. Mike was fast though and he was already in the air fighting ferociously. He was strong and fast, faster than you could see. You had to keep going to kill the others. Adrenaline rushed through your body and even though you were terrified, you knew you had to fight with all that you had.

"Hey! Ugly!" You shouted at the monster. It stopped chasing Mike and came straight for you. It was small, but it moved quicker than you anticipated. You got your horse close and switched to the ODM gear, anchoring to him by his skull. You flew up and just missed his hand grasping for you. Without hesitating, you screamed and sliced the back of its neck. It crashed down in a steamy flood. Your heart was pounding; your first kill. Looking back over, you heard Oliver scream; he was caught in the titans hand. "I'm coming!!!" You yelled, flying over to the titan. He was stabbing it across the face, screaming bloody murder. "HELP ME-" He screamed.

It stopped. There was a horrible snapping sound. Your eyes widened. Terrified.

It had killed him. You were furious, your entire body rushed with white hot anger. You cut its neck, tears streaming down your face. Its body crashed to the ground; lifeless. "Oliver," you cried.

"Azeria!" Mike screamed; there was no time to be sad. Mike was dodging the titan clawing at him, but only by a few inches. You rushed over and cut the heels of the abnormal; Mike finishing the job. Your voiced was shaky, "It got Oliver." His face was hardened and furious. "I know. But we need to go; look." In the field away, more red signals were being fired. It was on all sides of Erwin's squad; and who knew how many were behind them in the rest of the formation. You ran over to Olivers body and grabbed a ring from his hand; the only thing that you could find on his remains. "Let's go!"

Your horses were charging to the front now; on the way you had to help other soldiers fight even more titans; it felt endless. It was a massacre on the scouts. Too many titans and too few people. You felt helpless. Mike and you kept riding after each kill, leaving behind wounded soldiers and steaming titan bodies. Your hands were covered in the blood of soldiers, your body trembling with adrenaline. Finally you reached Erwin; his eyes widened with rage, charging towards Levi at the front, "We need to retreat, otherwise we will all die out here! Go help Hange and fall back! We can't defeat them!" He was cold and rode off into the front of the formation; shooting a blue signal into the sky.

You rode as fast as you could across the form, killing more titans until you finally reached Hange and Moblit; facing four titans alone. You and Mike took two together, you'd cut the heels and he'd make the kill. Hange and Moblit took the other two. "Let's fall back!" Hange said, the defeat and anger was written across her face. You were trembling, "I need to find Levi!" The three of them looked at you. "We've been ordered to fall back. Levi will be fine," Mike said, his brows were furrowed. "I'll go to the Captain and ride with him! I won't leave him!" Why on earth were you saying these things? If you stay out here and ride back; you'll die. But you couldn't leave him. It didn't feel right. "Azeria," Hange but a hand on your shoulder, trying to reason with you but your eyes were begging for them to let you. "We aren't far. Mike and I just saw Erwin." Mike let out a sigh. He knew you weren't going to budge. "Fine. Go straight to Erwin. Signal if there is a problem. The rain began to pour down from the sky.

You hopped back on your horse and charged back in Erwins direction. He wasn't far. If you could get to the captain, you could get to Levi. You couldn't leave without knowing he was okay. Even if you were certain Levi would be fine, it was too hard to think on leaving him out there alone. Suddenly; a 10 meter titan came barreling in your direction. "Dammit not again!" You fired off a red flare. Your heart was racing. This time you were alone. There was nothing to hook onto nearby; you'd need to take on the titan from the ground, much to your disadvantage. You loaded new blades and grew your swords. This was it. You had to kill it. No one was there to help you. It came closer. You hooked onto the side of its thigh and used it to project you to the back of its legs, slicing one of its heels. It let out a horrible cry. Its hands were swinging for your body now, you shot yourself up to its eyes so that it would stop grabbing you. It terrified you to see its face so close, and its hands just missing your feet. You cut one of its eyes and it screamed out again. With it being blinded, it would give you a chance to cut the other heel and send it to the ground. You flipped over the top of its body, racing to cut its other ankle. Suddenly an arm swung out from between its legs and grabbed you. Shit.

You hacked at its arm and kicked wildly to try and break free, but nothing was working. You screamed. A terrible animalistic scream that you had heard from Oliver before he was killed. This was it. You swung your sword wildly trying to make any kind of damage that you could, but it was reaching up its hand to its mouth; ready to swallow you. Tears streamed out of your eyes, "I'm going to kill you!" You screamed, but it was no use. How could you be so stupid? Why did you turn back? Now, you'd never get to see anyone again. Its jaw opened and you could smell its hot breath.

"What the shit are you doing?!" Levi's voice appeared. He was on top of its head, covered in blood and fuming. He cut the titans neck just as it was pulling you to its mouth. It fell over with you still stuck in its hand. He dragged you out on the ground, panting. You were so disoriented. "Levi," was the only thing you could say. "Why did you not retreat back?!" He shook you by your shoulders. "I- I- wanted to make sure you-"

"-I told you not to do anything stupid! You almost died!" His eyes were wild. He was covered in blood and sweat. His hands held you tightly by your arms and he looked at you with what seemed like a mixture of relief and anger. "Im sorry," you said, tears streaked down your face. You reached out and hugged him tight. It was a frantic hug; you clung to his body and grimaced in pain and sadness. He held you back, his arms were so tightly coiled around you. The rain fell around you, adding to the filth, the sweat, the tears and the blood. You couldn't help but feel relief that he was there, his breathing in your ear was such a comforting sound after so much fighting. For a brief, beautiful moment, you felt a sense of peace that you had never experienced before, it felt like the two of you were floating in nothingness. You never wanted to let him go. But it couldn't last long; you had to retreat. He pulled you back, "Lets go."

You rode back. Galloping as fast as you could. It was a nightmare. Everyone had been killed. You rode past bodies and bodies of scouts. In total, only 20 had survived, most of them were in Erwins squad. The land was strewn with corpses. The pain was immeasurable. You managed to find Ilse, her leg had been broken and her horse missing. You put her on the supply cart and rode back. It was complete defeat. No one could speak; you had lost over half of the scouts. Just as the relief of being safe came; the nightmare of returning began. The gates rose and you looked as people realized in horror what had happened. Parents crying for their children, people yelling about wasting tax money, children crying at the horrors that were in front of them. The people infuriated you, they had so little understanding of why you did what you did. You felt the weight of a thousand bricks on your chest. You were exhausted, dehydrated and your forehead was bleeding profusely. Looking ahead at Levi, Hange, Moblit and Mike you could see them trying to hold it together. Only Erwin seemed to carry himself with that same great determination that he always did. You couldn't hide it the way that they did, though. The relief of survival was overshadowed by the great guilt of living. 

__

Chapter ten here