#they dont need me. they dont want me anymore. they never fucking wanted me in the first place...i think im done. i think im really done

[drewstarkeysring]

She did what?- Drew Starkey part 2

˚⋆ ୧ ‎ ࣪ Warnings Cheating , Odessa , swearing

Summary Hollywood is so overrated, but when Larissa finds out what our beloved Drew is up to, shit hits the fan 💋

"I miss you how you made me feel last night"

"When can you leave her house already, I need you"

You're Gut feeling all your friends talked about having when they have gotten cheated on. You said to yourself you would never feel that. Drew was good to you, no signs, no evidence. Until now, you can't breathe. heartbroken is the feeling you felt.

It's been an hour, and he still sleeping.

I looked through all of the messages. He has been gone for two months, which means for those two months. He has been lying and cheating with her. The girl you hate, you knew she always talked shit to her friends when you would be with Drew at a bar. You brushed it off because you never wanted to ruin the moment.

"What are you doing on my phone," Drew says, staring at me. He is caught, and he knows it. He has been awake for the past 5 minutes.

Disbelief is all you feel, the man you loved for 2 years who you thought couldn't hurt you in a way that all your friends told you or the internet. Deeply in love with this man. The hurt you felt, and he was about to hear it.

"Are you kidding me, the shit I found on your fucking phone, you cheated on me with this bitch, be so for real right now Drew". You say

He looks like he has seen a ghost, a ghost that is about to get put through the ringer. "I don't know what to say... I'm sorry baby". He says

"Dont call me that, we done Drew, Done. I have nothing to say to you". you express

"I am gonna leave save us both the trouble". Drew says

I take his phone and throw it against the wall. It shatters. Thank God fuck that hoe. Crash out is all you think but let this motherfucker think you're calm and collected.

A few days later

Brian, your best friend, always was in a show with Odessa. You needed a friend that made you feel at home. Both you and Brian made it up together. You met him at an award ceremony and knew he would be family. He was there with you for everything: first Big Movie, First Vogue Magazine Cover, Victoria's Secret shot, and plenty of other amazing accomplishments. He gets you and always supports you through everything. A big brother that you always wanted.

"I really can't believe him, two months away from you, and you would think he was thinking of you, but no, just thinking with his Dick," Brian says, he takes a sip of his wine.

You roll your eyes. "I wanna kill her and him. Everything I gave to that man and sacrificed for him, cheating, was never on my radar for him. Especially with her, like dude, the bitch is all over him 24/7 you would think, hello, he has a girlfriend maybe I should back away and stop trying to fuck him anymore, but no, my boyfriends fucking her in Italy for two months, while his girlfriend is home waiting for him and missing him." you express in disbelief

"If I could take anything back, it would be that boundaries are a major thing, that first night I met her, I should have known that she wanted him all over him and how she would brush me away every time I would speak."

Sitting on the floor with Brian as the TV in the background was just for noise for your ears. Chineses was just ordered, and Brian brought you your favorite red wine and yap session.

"You're perfect, beautiful as people would say," Brian says jokey. He nudges your shoulder, teasing you. "Don't let this silly man drive you crazy you have major things coming for you, accomplished many, and our the people's princess if you have any takeaways with this shit, it would be he lost the baddest bitch he will ever meet. You should be proud of yourself but do not, and I mean I do not let this shit get you off your tracks, major things are happening in your life. Oscar red carpet for Anora, Fenty shoot, and Vanity Fair shoot with Lily-Rose Depp. Life has shit planned for you." He says while hugging you and reassuring you of your worries. "I love you hoe". He nudges you again.

You roll your eyes. "Love you more boo". You hug him

[familyagrestefanblog]

As glad as I am that at least the Sublime conflict is more than just Marinette regressing on all the character development (the show mostly gave mere lip service for her to have had of-screen in the first place)

But good God, as far as the leaks show, Marinette is being cuddled through every second of the upcoming episode. I have never seen a show THIS dedicated to make sure the main character experiences nothing but fluffed up consequences for her actions where everyone gives maximum effort to make sure she feels as little discomfort as possible

Which btw is effort Marinette rarely actually makes in return because the show is too busy having her prioritize her every whim and comfort and benefit too which everyone else eventually has to bow to to make her comfortable.

This honestly feels genuinely inappropriate for a kids show at this point and I hope the full context saves this. Cause if a parent handled their child's morally questionable behaviour which such child's- ego- centered morality, one would very quickly called it out as the bad parenting it is because it's spoiling the child rooted, making them believe nothing is more important than any feeling of discomfort they ever experience, no matter their actions, no matter the circumstances. If the world isn't cuddling the child for the pathetically low standard of having feefees then the world is "in the wrong and mean".

The show wants to get credit for covering compelx interpersonal conflicts, but refuses to send any other message since s4 besides that the world around you (as your life's Main character) is obligated to pamper and cuddle you for having any slither of complex emotions which apparently makes you "unique" since the world doesn't get the same consideration from YOU.

Marinette apparently genuinely can't have an interpersonal conflict anymore without getting wrapped up in fluffy clouds and be surrounded by picture perfect victims who do all the heavy lifting to resolve the issue which of course always leads to Marinette being framed as the poor little underdog who needs to be taken care of and showered in support, excuses, inaccurate pay offs for her initial motivation entirely rooted in the other person being told something else and Marinette not owing up to the WHOLE truth to instead go with what limited information works in her favor, or straight up free passes for her behaviour as long as she says "I'm sorry, I guess I am capable of doing morally bad/ questionable things 🥺 you will reward me now, right? Then I may be able to stop when you make sure i dont feel bad about it anymore 🥺"

Seriously, I hope the full context saves this cause jesus fucking christ Marinette, stop being wrapped up in cotton candy and then STILL cry about how bad you have it. Children shouldn't be taught that this is how taking accountability works because Marinette's victim complex is excessive by this point.

Marinette, you genuinely fucked up, stop acting like you're in emotional agony every second you ever have to face the realisation that you are capable of causing even the tiniest bad thing. The problems and harm you cause aren't about you, stop always throwing shocked pitty parties for yourself and woman the fuck up.

[adriartts]

goretober day 6: Transformation

this mermaid concept is not mine!!! it is cool as hell and comes from my homeboy @ch1ck3n-t03s

[superm4ks]

Kit do you not rep Charles anymore 😭

Of course I do he’s prime I just need a break from his team and that fucking dog

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[godsfavoritescientist]

Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.

I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.

Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?

How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"

And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.

So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.

So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.

And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.

-

And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.

Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.

And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.

So you sail away in a boat together.

And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.

But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.

But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.

You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.

And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-

-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.

You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.

-

And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.

It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.

And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.

[biillys]

BILLY WEEK → DAY FIVE

no escape, no future no luck lost on a loser no escape, no future saddle up, boys, we're headed for the brick wall

a day to remember; brick wall

[walking-loather]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[seventh-district]

.

[mushed-kid]

i need life to work out soon like im kinda tired tbh

[isdalinarhot]

just saying for the sake of transparency that im at like. suicide risk level one billion due to the fact that my parents have made it so i cannot use their money to buy alcohol anymore and i am unemployed and have only 85 cents accessible to me so like. after the One Singular Bottle I Have Right Now runs out i dont have any way of getting more. i am not fucking ready to get sober and the thought of having to quit entirely is not something i can fathom being alive for, im serious.

i dunno. i want to have my voice drop. i want to read kowt. i want to bury my parents so i dont get deadnamed during my funeral. but the amount of days that is, days filled with so many unfathomable moments of agony, days where i will suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer, doesn't feel worth it to me.

[horrorsequel]

i was so good at situationships in the 2010s i was basically winning at situationships

[coridallasmultipass]

The devil Dirk on your shoulder.

Silly quick cosplay before Halloween night is over, inspired by a Dirk comic I saw earlier this month. (X)

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[shatterthefragments]

Ugh not to be like it’s been 5 years: LET IT GO.

But. It’s been FIVE YEARS. And we’ve been friends but the only thing you talk about is that conference we attended together that I can’t even remember anything but seeing bunnies on campus and that it was my first time taking a taxi alone.

I’ve moved on. I can’t remember it anymore to hold these grudges. I can’t hold onto those extra grudges that I’m not part of. I can’t remember what they did until you rehash it. (Also omg LISTING OUT NAMES?!? I don’t even remember almost half these names at all)

[snekdood]

saw the other day someone say that "mary sues are for people who think everyone should treat them like they're the best ever" and buddy, trust me, at no point am i under the delusion that people will be nice to me in a normal and sufficient way. this is how i *wish* people treated me, not how I expect them to or think they should. trust me i know humanity sucks and will never be cool and nice, dont you worry, dont need to prove my point more, making me retreat even more to a fantasy world because clearly there's nothing here in humanity for me so w/e