#they do get married in the end I just forgot to write it lol

[krysmcscience]

It’s finally done, guys – five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)

Yeesh, this took forever. <:)

There’s probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D

(Yes, I am aware the Gateway’s door isn’t present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. 😠)

anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao

Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:

I’m calling it the Revival AU. It’s not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL

Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:

The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.

They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AU’s real ending. And by ‘they’ I mean just the Lamb, because they weren’t about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:

In other news, here’s the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing ‘skills’:

Meanwhile, if you’re wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:

Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)

Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:

And by ‘problem’ I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz he’s a petty bitch like that. :D

what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly they’re standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two aren’t in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)

And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, I’m sure y’all would love to know how the Lamb’s followers felt about the brand new change in management:

It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.

Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks it’s funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder aren’t actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD

Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once he’s in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) He’s finally free, and 2.) He’s equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. He’s definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep who’s wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.

Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which I’m sure at least a few of you might share…

Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D

They’re also 100% a sub, obviously

Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic

The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, it’s so hot~ OuO

Here’s just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes y’all might have for it:

Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:

Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you don’t understand that, then you’re probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)

Last but not least, have these shittens:

~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.

The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, I’ll just say – likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where I’m accepting commissions and donations if you’re especially generous… ÓuÒ

Now, BE FREE IF YOU AIN’T DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES

First ramble is re: Baal’s question of ‘Did it really work?’, since I didn’t feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and it’s arguably pretty vague? He doesn’t ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (he’s still technically not at full power here, either). It’s not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.

I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.

All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now – something that I headcanon isn’t possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crown’s cooperation with its bearer/vessel).

(On a semi-related note, I don’t headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)

Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... 🤔

Next ramble, regarding Narinder’s feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasn’t originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it – after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower he’s ever had, he decided…why put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.

He wasn’t expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)

I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company – if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamura’s game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if they’re killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.

So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadn’t chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadn’t chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, don’t worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followers’ devotion isn’t anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.

Final ramble, regarding the Lamb’s feelings towards Narinder, and why they’re so devoted to him…

Well, you don’t spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, there’s something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life – go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)

They weren’t put off by Narinder’s thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either – they’re not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. It’s a very ‘two sides of the same coin’ sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didn’t care for the position of authority, though – being a sheep and all, they’re much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinder’s need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinder’s posturing was just that – posturing. Dude’s 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.

(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal – Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. ‘I outsmarted Shamura!’ he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. ‘What do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?’ he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)

But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough – if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what he’s saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. ‘Death is of little consequence.’ ‘Followers are for you to use to your advantage.’ ‘Sacrifice a follower to absorb more power.’ So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.

He’d given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that – so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crown’s power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, they’d accept his decision gladly.

Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense – romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.

The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c

And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinder’s marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ¯\_(シ)_/¯

oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AU’s lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it

Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didn’t like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)

[bbyobbyo]

seventeen as dads headcanons

content: reader is married to svt, normative(?) family structure, literally just unhinged thoughts, not proofread lol

note: was trying to write an actual fic but then got distracted sorry, dadventeen brainrot is so real

Seungcheol

Super protective “don’t touch my family” dad outwardly

All of his kids’ friends are straight up SCARED of him

But within the household he's the one sneaking ice cream when you say no, albeit guiltily

Shopping trips with him will always result in buying something for them and he is very willing to be taken advantage of

“Babe if I can’t spoil them now, they’re gonna grow up and move out before we know it!”

Tries his best to be handy around the house, but probably makes it worse, ends up calling Mingyu to come fix it

Jeonghan

DEFINITELY a “go ask your mom” dad

This man not only powerless, he doesn't even want the power, he's just here to have a good time and if you say they can't, then sorry kiddo

You can’t tell me that he doesn’t bring up becoming a family prank channel at least once a week

LOVES bragging to everyone else about his kid’s achievements, cannot shut up about them to anyone in a 5 foot radius tbh

His kids definitely talk to him about everything, which is great because he is SO nosy.

Has a list of all their best friends, enemies, and crushes at school somewhere on his notes app for future reference when they come to him for advice

Joshua

The REAL practical joke dad, admittedly made them cry a few times when they were younger and felt really bad about it

Perfect sweet husband and father in image, all of his kids know he’s actually lame af

Dominates the summer barbeques, UNDISPUTED GRILLMASTER

Super dependable, will drop everything if his family needs him and never goes back on his word

Gives surprisingly good fashion advice

Jun

Definitely walks around the neighborhood with his baby in a sling carrier strapped to his front, POINTS AT EVERYTHING OF INTEREST

When they start learning how to speak he adopts all his baby’s weird mannerisms (it started off as a cute joke but then realized he couldn’t stop)

Cries at every baby milestone until they’re like 10

Will not stop bringing up embarrassing childhood moments, especially in front of their kids’ friends/significant others

Cuts fruit for them instead of apologizing

Hoshi

Will fully ally himself with his kids

Like legit would do anything for them. ANYTHING.

I’m talking borderline go to his kid's school to beat up their hypothetical bullies himself sort of dad

The kids can always count on him to say yes if you say no

Absolutely DEVASTATED when they grow out of the tiger stuff he buys for them and become angsty teens

“What do you mean tigers aren’t cool? Do you not love your old man anymore?”

Wonwoo

Quiet doting dad

Definitely more affectionate when the kids are younger but gets into the awkward advice-giving stage when they grow up

LAME DAD JOKES GALORE, groaning is a regular activity in this household

Tries to google basic algebra every time his kids ask for help on math homework because he doesn’t want to admit he forgot everything

Chaotic af unsupervised. “Guess we’re having pizza again tonight kiddos” kinda dad because he cannot and should not cook

Jihoon

Another quiet dad, but make it savage

I feel like he would just love roasting his kids (affectionately of course)

And always overwhelmingly acts of service so his kids know they are loved

Allowance randomly appearing under their pillow, their favorite foods magically stocked in the fridge, always relenting to one last bedtime story no matter how tired he is

Would let you have final say but he makes it really clear he’s on their side and empathizes with them but its out of his hands

“Next time just don’t get caught, okay?” *winks*

Minghao

Loves loves loves just spending time with his babies

Doesn’t matter what he’s doing he just wants to be in the same room as them or cuddling and holding them

Emphasizes equality in your relationship so his kids can grow up with those values and learn to respect others

TURNS EVERYTHING INTO A LIFE LESSON OH MY GOD

Doesn’t believe in allowances but will cave and literally buy them anything they want if they ask

Would rather die than miss any important event (competition, speech, recital, talent show, graduation, etc.)

Mingyu

Absolute super dad, what can’t he do? Nonstop home improvement projects, cooks anything his kids are craving, offers to drive everyone everywhere

But also the whiniest dad ever lol constantly complains about people “ruining his system”

Absolutely FUCKS at the school bake sales, earns them twice the target fundraiser amounts because he's dilf material and knows how to get the moms to spill their pockets

Likes to have the final say, but you’re both usually on the same page in regards to discipline so his kids aren’t getting away with anything

Just the most supportive dad in the universe, the kids learn to never take him for granted

Seokmin

You already know his kids are gonna be spoiled rotten. He will be the favorite parent by default sorry I don't make the rules!!

His arms are the very definition of a safe space

Leaves all the discipline to you because he cannot keep a straight face when delivering a lecture (one time he made them cry and also ended up crying because he felt so bad)

Does so much embarrassing shit just to cheer his kids up when they have a bad day, acts surprised when they tell him he's cringe

Such a pushover that they are probably gonna make fun of him when they're older, but that's okay because they know there's no universe in which their dad will stop loving them

Seungkwan

As long as he can pick them up still, his kids are never on the ground for too long

Two words: SPORTS. DAD.

He could practically captain the cheerleading teams at their school with how many events he's been to

Knows all of his kids’ friends parents, they all get together and have coffee once a month actually

Nags nonstop and complains about everything he has to do for them, but is always diligent and does it without question

Gets so pouty when they start getting embarrassed to show affection, he WILL get his cheek kisses if it's the last thing he does!!

Vernon

Chillest dad in existence?!?

Literally as long as his kids are safe he doesn't give a single fuuuuckkk

“Sleepover? Yeah, call me when you're done and I'll pick you up.”

He WILL argue with you if he doesn't think there's a good reason to say no to them

So cute and encouraging to all their weird hobbies and phases throughout the years. “Lemme see” and “Really? Show me” are regular phrases in his vocabulary

His kids are definitely gonna inherit his legendary facial expressions afnngjdg

Chan

Super affectionate and doting, but also quite strict with them at times

“I just want the best for you, I want to see you succeed”

HAS A PHOTO OF THEM READY AT ANY TIME, lockscreen is a different shot of his kids every day and is eager to show it off even if no one asked

Not so subtly signs his kid up for dance lessons

Just the most encouraging dad ever, makes sure that they know making mistakes are a part of life and that he will always love them no matter what

[kat-mobile]

Hey love ❤️ hope you’re doing good

Can I request Tommy with a gentle, empathetic and sensitive reader please. It was an arranged marriage and he found out his new wife would cry herself to sleep over a book she read or just a cat. His reaction to someone who is completely opposite of him

Thank you in advance ✨

Tommy with a wife who's his complete opposite

A/N: Hey baby, thanks for the request!! I'm doing good and I hope you are too ❤️ I forgot to put on the requests post to specify if you want it as a fic or headcanons so I've made it sort of a mix of the two, hope that's okay anon. I made this blog to try and improve my writing skills and as this is my first attempt it isn't the best, so sorry about that lol. Hope you like it!! (this is set sometime around series 1-2 cause those are my fave)

It was an arranged marriage and to be honest... you weren't particularly thrilled by the notion of being married to Birmingham's most known and feared gangster. But you would do anything for your family and if your father decided that this is what would be best for securing the future of the family then you'd follow through on your part of the deal, even if it seemed like you and Tommy had absolutely nothing in common.

This was a couple months ago now and you had somewhat settled into your new life in Small Heath and with Tommy by your side, the two of you living in comfortable tandem. You had settled into a routine and life was good, or as good as it could be with the risk of being married to a Shelby.

He would buy you any book that you so much as happened to glance at and in turn you would patch up and sew back together any unfortunate pieces of clothing that got in the way of Tommy and his dangerous life style and work, fighting back tears and worrying at your lower lip as you did so. You may not quite understand why he was constantly putting himself in danger but he was your husband all the same and you had grown to love him as your marriage progressed

you would also force him to go and see an actual trained medical professional whenever he came home with said ruined clothing, as a dead husband is less than ideal and you have grown attached these last couple months

Your empathy and tendancy to cry over him when he got hurt was a shock at first but he quickly got used to it, he even tried to avoid getting hurt just so as to not have to see you cry over him

He may not say it outright but he appreciates everything you do and how much you care for him

He doesn't like to keep secrets from you but he doesn't share all aspects of work life with you as he doesn't want you to worry too much, but if being kept in the dark would worry you even more he'd make an effort to keep you in the loop

Your gentleness and compassion is a welcome contrast to his life from before you were apart of it, Tommy didn't know that he needed it before you

If there's one thing about Tommy Shelby, it's that he protects what's his and as his wife he treats you with the utmost care (especially if you have a tendancy to seek out the good in all people)

One night when Tommy (finally) came to bed he found you curled up in a ball on your side with your back to the door, tears gently running down your smooth cheeks

Unsure of what to do when confronted by your distress but still wanting to help, he'd rush to your side and scoop you up onto his lap, holding you close with your tear-stained cheek pressed against his chest and an arm thrown protectively around your shoulders. He'd cautiously rock back and forwards whilst his hand moves slowly up and down your back in what he hopes is a soothing motion. He's a little awkward and stiff but damn if he isn't fucking trying

He'd use his forefinger and thumb to tilt your chin up and force your eyes to meet his own before softly questioning you on why you were crying

"What you crying for, hmm love? Ruining your pretty face"

He'd say, wiping away your tears with his thumb

Upon hearing that the reason for your tears was a sad ending to one of the books he bought you he'd be a little taken aback and he would honestly have to suppress the urge to laugh

It all seemed rather silly to him that you'd cry over some words on paper

"Tommy it isn't funny, it was really upsetting" you'd hiccup out through your tears

he'd just shake his head and sigh, apologising, before pulling you closer, finally laying down on the bed with your legs intertwined

Tommy had hoped it would be a one of chance but when he caught you crying in bed again over the ending of Of Mice and Men, he very quickly figured that he'd have to adapt

Tommy developed a system for when you had your... shall we say moments, he'd sit down on his side of the bed with his back pressed against the headboard before he lifted you up and placed you in-between his legs

Sitting you so that your back was resting against his chest and you could feel his heartbeat

You would then explain to him the sad moments in your books as he softly hummed and nodded his head along to your words

And when he got tired from your quiet voice lulling him to sleep he'd pull you down with him as he laid on his side, caging you in against his chest with an arm around your waist

Those were the nights that he slept the best

[siddyyyyyyyy]

OHH okay! Thank you for answering my question! Then, if you can, how would bat boys(or kyle lol) flirting with Mc, who at the end of the convo reveals that they have a kid(like 5yo) and would completely understand if they didn't wanted to take this further?

OR! OR OR OROR-

Imagine Mc is Bruce's daughter who was not involved in bat business and went abroad, hiding from the media with their partner, living their best life when all of the sudden, batfam visits and they both look at Mc and the baby in their arms and everyone's like "WDYM YOU HAVE A BABY AND WE NEVER KNEW- WDYM IT'S BEEN 3 MONTHS???" (basically the case that, you never showed the sighs of Pregnant went to labor and suddenly you have a kid you didn't even know existed til last minute. And in your panic and stress forgot to inform them but this is just what I think would happen you don't have to use it lol)

you don't have to do this lol, ty for taking time to read this<3 HAVE A GREAT DQYY!!

BATBOYS REACTING TO YOU HAVING A KID

pairing: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake x Reader (seperated) summary: Batboys flirt with you until they realise you have a small child warnings: none a/n: I didn't put Damian Wayne in here, I thought it felt a bit off, so I added Bruce to it! Thank you for the request, I chose the first option you described, but I'll maybe consider writing something for the second option. This is a little different from my usual format, but I made sure this still looks pretty and can be understandable. Thank you again and also have a great day!!!

BRUCE WAYNE

He saw you before, once, when he was Damian's dog out for a walk at the park nearby. At first, he didn't plan on flirting with you when Titus walked over and sniffed at your bag.

At first he was afraid you'd get scared when a Great Dane came your way and curiously sniffed at your handbag, but you didn't budge a muscle at him.

So, of course, Bruce came over to pick up the dog and hopefully not make you freak out. With a light jog, he quickly put the leash back on Titus, already looking sheepish at the situation.

"Sorry about him, he didn't scare you, did he?", but you seemed even amused at this. Maybe he underestimated you.

Soon enough, you got into a conversation, petted Titus gently, becoming even more fund of this big animal.

Bruce sat down beside you on the bench and kept talking to you, thinking you have a charming and kind personality. He'd be damned soon enough, he knows it.

That's how he started flirting with you; it started with subtle compliments until he couldn't help himself anymore. His nice words became progressively more direct, but still respectful as ever. All in all, he was sure he already got your heart.

That was until a small kid came up to you with a big smile, hands a bit dirty from the playing in the mud. That small human couldn't be older than five years old. He was confused for a moment as he watched the interaction between the two of you, eventually realising that is your kid.

God, he felt guilty. You were probably happily married with someone way better than him and just kept up with his flirting so you wouldn't come off as rude. Once the child went back to playing with the other group of kids on the playground, he tried his best to keep his embarrassment aside.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a kid. Well... I have four of my own, so..." He really doesn't know what to say. But you still remain kind and sweet, even though he was shamelessly flirting wtih you a second ago.

With a kind smile, you wave him off; "Oh, don't you worry. It was nice talking to you anyway. And you have kids of your own? How old are they?"

And that's how he continued talking to you, getting back to good terms and his embarrassment long forgotten. Seems like you both do have more in common than it seemed. Bruce couldn't be more happy than to keep talking to you and spend time, but you eventually parted ways after a longer while, with each other's phone numbers exchanged.

DICK GRAYSON

He was out with Damian to get ice cream when he saw you in the line, hoping he can get some quick excuse to talk with you alone. Yeah, Damian will annoy him for days about it and tell on him, but who cares? That's a one chance oppurtunity he's got there and he will use it.

Dick got Damian away by getting him into a cool book and supply store nearby, making his own way to you.

He didn't want to come off as too desperate or obvious, 'accidently' cutting you in line so he can strike a conversation with you in that way. You responded kindly to his small accident, waving him off politely.

The conversation started with him introducing himself shortly after, getting to know the basics about each other before he starts basically showering you with compliments. But he was trying to come off as subtle and charming as possible, which came naturally for him.

His light-hearted jokes and loving words seemed to work on you, so he didn't mind keeping this up while getting to know you more. Now with ice cream cones in your hands, you settled onto a table inside the cool shop and continued talking.

You got into more conversation once you sat down together and enjoyed the ice cream together, getting to know the other a little more once he stopped overflowing you with compliments.

But he got a bit confused when you got up to get another portion of ice cream, in a small cup with a sweet waffle in it. Curiously, he just had to ask you about it.

"Another ice cream?" It was more of a mutter to himself, but you still heard it when you sat down across from him again. "Oh, just for my son. He's playing there right now, but he told me to get him some ice cream aswell." You gesture towards the playground next to the ice cream shop, making him search for a small kid that could be yours.

Why didn't he notice earlier? It was so obvious now that he knows, why would someone get ice cream next to a playground anyway? He really tries to not think too much of it and get back on track, but he also didn't want to get into such a situation at all. But of course nothing ever goes his way.

Damian is next to him out of nowhere, asking him to go home. He probably got some books from that store he was just now, judging by the plastic bag in his hand.

"Is that your kid? You guys have the same nose. Cute." You smile sweetly at them, completely unaware of them being brothers. Dick shoots a pleading look to Damian, hoping he'll play along.

"Uh, yeah... that's Damian." Dick chuckles nervously and gets up from the chair, putting his hand on his shoulder. Damian looks more awkward than before, keeping his glare on you.

With the final excuse of Damian being tired, he gets out of the shop and hurries home, ignoring all the questions and annoyed remarks from Damian. He knows he probably should've been more careful, but now he just feels guilty for leaving so quickly and lying.

Eventually, he thought more about the situation. A kid doesn't sound so bad after all. So, without wasting any more time he made his way to the shop again, hoping you'll be there again, even when a few days have passed already.

JASON TODD

In all honesty, he wasn't fond of kids at the start. But it quickly changed when he was patrolling as Red Hood and just had to protect the kids in Crime Alley and at the area where he grew up in.

He met you in the local library, having spotted you at the romance section and he really didn't want to disturb you searching for a book at the moment.

He eventually got his courage and walked to the same section, trying to not come off as intimidating. It didn't work, you almost immediately got to the section next to it to search for... 'children books'? Whatever, he doesn't judge.

Jason tries to ignore you as he searches a book for himself, keeping his eyes on the shelf.

Days have passed and he spots you in the same section more often. It was interesting to him, how you just appeared there out of nowhere a few days back and now he wants to get to know you. Something like this never happened before, maybe he should just ignore it as well.

Finally, he got his courage up and decided to talk to you. With a book of his own in hand, he gets up to you, hoping he won't scare you away or become awkward all of a sudden in front of you.

He asks you about what books you recommend to him in the romance section and he is actually surprised to see how kindly you respond to him. But ignoring the small surprise, he just listens and nods along. Phrases as, "Oh, really? Yeah, I've also heard that one's good.", or "I've read that actually...", and a lot of "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

He was really sweet to you as well, actually hoping you'll see him here more often whenever you visit the library for more books to read for your kid. And of course, Jason made sure to visit the place more often just to see you and read the books you recommended to him.

Eventually, he got to ask you out for a coffee date. But you declined, explaining you can't leave you kid alone for a longer time and apologise sincerely to him over and over again.

A kid? He was speechless for a moment before his heartbeat speeds up again. What the hell should he do? Is he even allowed to ask you out? After a brief explanation of your situation with your child, he relaxes and feels more hopeful again. In reality, he wants to keep seeing you and meet the kid. He's been told he is good with them after all.

And the day came when you introduced Jason to your daughter. It was a peaceful evening spent at your apartment with you three spending time together with some board games. Your daughter soon grew on him and she was actually more than sad when he had to leave for the night.

So, basically it's hard to tell who Jason is more fond of. Of course he adores you for who you are but your kid is just another ray of sunshine.

TIM DRAKE

Tim rarely got out for his own enjoyment but he is glad he did so that one time, because now he has someone to crush on. As stupid as it sounds, it's also true.

When he first saw you, he didn't think much about it. Just a regular person who also likes comics and other 'nerdy' stuff. But when he saw you reach for the same comic he actually wanted for a longer while, that's when he had to go up to you and talk. Not that he'd do that to every other person, but it seemeed like a good idea at the time.

You were so sweet to him, you even offered to let him have it, but he quickly declined and instead settled on a casual date to show you his collection. But there was this problem...

After a week of texting together and even sharing a few flirty comments, he was sure this could work out. Until you mentioned your son.

At first, he thought you might be joking, but he soon found out that you were honest and he tried to not come off as a total douche since he has no idea about kids.

You both settled on just going for walks for now and you even went with your sweet little kid together. Tim was unsure of the situation and made sure to set boundaries and find out if you even want to keep seeing each other. Of course, for once, whatever God there is, listened to him.

He got more comfortable around your son and found out that most comics are for him. A six-year-old reading comics about aliens and complex alien-politics? Well... he wasn't better at his age.

Soon, they both became really good friends and even better friends with you. Although he was still hesitant to make a move on you.

Either way, he is also happy with just helping you out and being close friends, even when the kid manages to impress him with his immense knoweledge about comics.

←MASTERLIST

[11cupids-tarot11]

Pile 1 -> 3 🩷

Short random messages regarding love for you! 💓

Pile 1- the chariot, the star and seven of coins

For starters the star card is making me think you might already have a crush on this person or might know of them, take what resonates for you.

For others, I'm getting this person might just really admire you. I'm hearing they like you so much they're willing to basically cross seas for you.

This person is strong willed meaning when it comes to you nothing else matters in the world, I think they have their eyes on a prize and are very determined when they want something which would appear to be you lol

I think this person is already planning y'all future in their head, like they've really got everything figured out even how they want to approach you 😭 (that's cute lol)

I feel like this person just really wants to say you're all in their space and they're accepting it. Like they can't wait for the day you two come together (and get married I'm hearing for some 😉😜) but they're definitely planning on making their move soon!

Other messages- 1111 might be significant, you're hot, lots of dates in nature, can't wait to kiss you, I miss you already.

Pile 2- I FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN THE NAME OF THE CARDS BUT I WILL NOT FORGET NEXT TIME MY POOKIES 🤞🏾😜🩷

Okay, for this pile I'm picking up on a dynamic that's like light and day, one person in this connection is a bit colder, closed off and I feel like someone in this connection just refuses to give up.

I'm hearing 'let your doors down' and this person might feel very hurt that the other isn't open to the same emotion intimacy the other is into.

I'm seeing it might be best to take a break, maybe the relationship has gotten to a point neither of you had meant it to or you're just really disappointed by the outcome and they're clearly not up to your standards and it's not good to settle for less.

I'm seeing maybe some of us are trying a little too hard to hang onto this connection but we can't change nor fix something that's not broken.

I am seeing for some of you that removing your energy might actually make this person miss you, and if they love you enough they'll come around and compromise so the both of you can feel fulfilled and happy in the relationship and if they don't clearly they weren't the ones for you and that's okay, because you never know when the universe is going to throw someone new your way! This could be a blessing in disguise 🥸.

Other messages- 444 could be significant, the color red, maybe a red car? I have no idea what song this is but it's got something to do with driving?idk ur person is singing it 🤣 Maybe that's significant for someone out there?

Pile 3-

So for this pile I actually heard 'its time!" I think this pile is being called to awaken to something or for some of you a special someone? 🥹

Okay this message was a little harder to read but I think both ends have been stressing out over this? And it's kind of ridiculous because you're both literally good people according to spirit that would have a very beautiful relationship and would grow like a freaking fruit tree! I think spirit is saying since neither of you will make a move they'll be forced to push both of you using the universe- like magic almost I'm hearing.

This pile was shorter, and I'm also randomly hearing someone in this connection could be short lol? I think someone here might smile a lot too, I'm seeing smiley faces!

Other messages- the song 'Magic by txt', 12, 111, the color yellow and maybe the month of May- June might be significant for some of y'all?

Have a fantastic day! 🌹 See you all again soon! Hope you enjoyed 😊

Dm for personal readings!

[cinniipuppiii]

HIII!!! :3

I was wondering if you could do a HC of Megumi Fushiguro as our younger brother? GN!reader if possible!! I want you to have full freedom of writing it!

Thank you!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Megumi Fushiguro As Your Younger Brother!

Includes: Megumi, GN! Fushiguro!Reader

A/N: SORRY RHIS TOOK SO LONG. Gonna be honest, I forgot this was in my drafts, LOL. I hope you're still around!!

Backstory 🤍

You knew your father, but he gave you to the Zen'in Clan before Megumi was born. He wanted you to have a better life than he did.

You knew he had good intentions, so you didn't hold it against him.

You have a projection sorcery technique, as the rest of your family.

Despite what your father wanted, your life ended up like he'll.

You left a little after Megumi was born. You wanted to be there for him, because you knew what Toji was going to do.

You didn't blame your father, but you wanted Megumi to have a better life than you did.

When Toji married Tsumiki's mother, you ended up staying with them.

When your parents left without a trace, you were left to take care of them.

You were young, but you took care of your step sister and your younger brother. You were strong physically, but you didn't understand yourself mentally anymore because of this.

You grew up faster than them. You wanted them to have a better life.

When Megumi was in elementary school, that's when you and him met Satoru Gojo.

Now, he acts like a better father than Toji acted like.

Current 💙

You train with Megumi often, hence why he's quite strong.

You try your best to act like the best older sibling you can.

Megumi won't admit it, but he admires the hell out of you.

You, him, and Gojo sometimes have alone days where he spoils the hell out of you two.

You two fight more than anyone.

"What the hell did you just day to me, emo boy??" And rubbing his head aggressively until he apologizes.

Normal sibling banter.

He hates when you tease him, since he's younger. Especially when you do it around his friends.

You ADORE his dogs. He knows you do. When you're sad, he'll sometimes summon them to make you smile again.

As much as he acts like he hates you, you know deep down you both love each other very much.

You'd literally die for each other.

You and Gojo were definitely the ones who came up with the formations for whenever Megumi gets hit on.

You know basically everything about each other. Favorite foods, songs, etc. When one of you is having a bad day, expect almost all of those to be brought into the picture.

He hates to admit it, but he loves when you hug him. It makes him feel safe.

If you're antisocial, he is, too! You two just sit there in a comfortable, understanding silence.

If you're extroverted, you try to get him to do things with you and his friends!

You sometimes steal Gojo's card and take him shopping whenever he's down.

His shikigami LOVE you. Even Nue!

Which is funny because they reflect how he feels.

That's how you know he loves you.

But now, you don't know what to do.

You can't see him the same. Not after what happened.

But you want to help him. He's your brother.

You know how he feels deep inside, especially after killing yalls adoptive father.

Snap out of it, Y/n.

Save him.

Save him like he saved you.

Help him.

He needs it.

Push your feelings aside and help him.

[momobani]

TECHNICALITY

THE WAY I hate YOU - chapter 6 - 13k

&team Nicholas x fem!reader - arranged marriage AU

SERIES MASTERLIST

Sum: the one where you find out that everything is not as it seems.

Warnings: swearing, sarcasm, a smidge of angst, portrayal of dysfunctional families, mention of food and alcohol, mention of sex

Soundtrack rec: This is Love - JUD (honestly this is so the song i imagined playing for the scene - you’ll know when you read it hehe)

Taglist: @nichoswag @seokka0o @sseastar-main @hyuckslvr @ssshasssh @wtfisgoingright @heart4hees @uni-versalizar @blooqz

A/N: just to note there are a few sorta time skips, time flows quickly in this universe lol. sorry this update took so long, between being busy and sorta in a slump it was a bit hard to get to writing but hopefully i can finish it before the end of the year, fingers crossed! hope you enjoy <3

The one time turned into another, and then another after that, the days turning into weeks and the weeks turning into months, as your relationship became stranger and stranger. Sleeping with Nicholas was definitely a turning point but you didn’t regret it. It was just difficult to navigate the aftermath of everything that was going on between the two of you.

Yes, you were married but you weren’t in love. Yes, you were friends, but you were sleeping with each other. The two could exist in their own separate realms in their own right; but you had to admit it was probably not a great idea to play around when the two situations were this intertwined as they were with you.

Whatever your feelings on the situation were, they were simmering quietly under the surface, and sometimes you forgot they were there until you would spend the night in Nicholas’ room or he in yours, then in the morning you would walk around like you were just roomies and get ready for work. He wouldn’t kiss you goodbye before leaving like a husband would kiss his wife, but you would go to functions arm in arm and put on a pretence that you were the newlyweds of the year- hell - of the century.

The whole pantomime was exhausting but somewhere along the way it got easier as you became closer, got to know each other better and were in sync with your actions. You were so good at fooling everyone, that you were starting to fool yourselves.   

Your brain was starting to feel mushy and disoriented, denying reading into anything at all; the lingering kiss on your temple as you lay in your bed with Nicholas’ arms caging you close to his frame or the way he held your hand as you walked into a shareholder meeting on a winter afternoon, his large hand keeping yours warm.

It was convenient to fall into delusion but you tried so hard to stay in reality.

This was arranged. Anything else was just arbitrary. 

It was just habit, just friendly affection, just for show. 

Pick an excuse. 

Any will do.

You had to keep reminding yourself that you weren’t in a real relationship, you knew it was the right thing to do. You weren’t in love, no, but there were moments where you would catch yourself - the more time you spent with Nicholas, the more you got to know him, the more you liked him. Your proximity was starting to puzzle you. 

You sighed to yourself as you cut the engine of your car. You were so hungry, you were sure your body was starting to eat itself, beginning with your silly, tired little brain. 

By the time you get to your couch - your beautiful, comfy, delightful couch, which you missed dearly while at work all day - slippers on your feet, coat tossed on the rack by the door, you hear the door open a second time and your husband come in.

Nicholas mirrors your fatigue as he treads into the room silently, collapsing on the couch next to you, the whole thing shaking at the impact of his body hitting the pillows. 

“Long day?” he asks finally. 

“The fucking longest.” you mutter. 

“Same. I’m ordering us food.” he says if it was a solution to your problem. You hum in agreement, not moving a muscle. 

Nicholas ends up phoning the restaurant since he’s a regular there and you were both familiar with the menu. You sit up, ready to chime in with what you want to eat but he talks quickly and rattles off an order in Mandarin. 

You listen to the best of your ability, trying to track when to butt in but he beats you to it, asking for the dishes that you were thinking of, while looking at you as if he hadn’t just read your mind, then confirming your address - you recognised the numbers when he said 520 - before hanging up. 

You just look at him dumbly for a moment. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, forgetting to switch from Mandarin then catching himself. “Er- sorry. Did I say anything wrong?” he raises his eyebrows innocently. You shake your head.

“No, just surprised you knew what I wanted.” you shrug. Nicholas half-chuckles.   

“Ah, I know what you like from that particular place, and…” he trails off. “Well, you don’t usually like to try new things so I figured.”

You pout a little at his insinuation. “I like trying new things…sometimes.” you realise you sound childish trying to rebut. He was right; you tended to stick to what works for you but in your head, it was because at least you knew what you wanted.

“I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m just saying, I know you by now, YN.” Nicholas smiles at you. You smile back automatically, your mouth incapable of refusing to return it. 

“Alright, Mr Know-It-All,” you click your tongue, coming up with some possibly terrible but also a little bit genius idea that you’re pretty sure Nicholas will be able to read just from the sarcastic lilt of your voice. “What am I thinking right now?” you challenge, looking him in the eye, daring him to say it out loud. 

He thinks for a moment, scanning your face for hints. Your stomach flutters slightly under his stare but in that second you tell yourself it’s just the hunger getting to you. He seems to settle on something and one corner of his mouth turns up and you know he read you like a goddamn book, if his cocky tone and smug tilt of his head is indicative of anything. 

“You’re thinking of how we have time to kill,” he begins, shuffling closer to you. “And that our couch is far too comfortable for us to waste its potential by going to a bedroom-” a hand finds its way to brush some hair away from your face. “- so we should just stay here and make use of it because no one else will.” he finishes, his face already barely centimetres from yours. 

Our couch. 

His voice echoes in your head. 

You feign consideration, as if you’re mulling over his suggestion, when in fact, it was what you were thinking the whole time. 

You nod slowly. “I guess that’s close enough.” you concede, angling yourself to accommodate Nicholas’ body as he pulled you closer. 

“Then tell me more, will you?” he mumbles, now nose to nose with you.

“Oh please, we both know actions speak louder than words.” you shake your head jokingly before taking his face in your hands and pulling him in for a kiss, and then another and well…everything that was the source of your confused feelings these days.  

True to your words - well, Nicholas’ interpretation of your thoughts - you stay on the couch, then afterwards go and change into pyjamas since it was that kind of day and return to the kitchen to wait for your food. 

You sit at your counter instead of the dinning table, eating comfortably. At least you think you feel like it’s comfortably. You’re paying attention to your food but still thinking about what transpired on the couch and how insanely good it felt-

“You know our six month anniversary is coming up soon?” Nicholas asks abruptly. You stop for a moment, mentally checking the fact and find that it would be in a couple of weeks or so. 

“I guess?” you reply, unsure where he was going with this. “I didn’t think we’d be counting it, if I’m being honest.” you mutter. 

It was an arranged marriage so you weren’t exactly invested in doing things ‘properly’ like a normal couple, then again, you also hadn’t planned on going on a honeymoon and look how that turned out. Remembering you even went makes it feel like it was a million years ago. 

How did time pass that quickly?

Nicholas hums in agreement. “Hm, I know, I thought so too, but I’ve been prompted by the powers that be-”

“Your mother?”

“Yes, but allegedly in cahoots with your mother, and she said it might be nice to do something as a family.” he continues, through a mouthful of rice. 

“Did you just say ‘in cahoots’?” you attempt not to choke on how ridiculous it was. 

“You got a better word for it, Mrs Wang?” he pouts at his bowl. You don’t say anything, too amused and wanting to hear more. “Didn’t think so. Anyways, they probably want some kind of business dinner in the guise of a family thing.” 

“Isn’t everything we’ve been through a ‘business thing’ in sheep’s clothing?” you point out. 

“Obviously, but we live another day to tell the tale.” he says. “So, what do you say?”

“It doesn’t sound that bad, I guess. Besides, it’s kind of neutral and we could write off another family dinner for like another few months.” you deliberate, weighing up the pros. Actually, that sounded really appealing - you could write it off for the holiday period and your anniversary and disappear for a while- “Let’s do it.” 

“Alright, that is a ‘go’, we can arrange something. It’ll be my parents, your parents, Maki, and do you want to invite your uncle?” Nicholas makes a note on his phone. 

“Not really. I’m still a little pissed at him for not sticking up for me before.” you admit. You’d talked to Nicholas about it at some point; he knew how well you’d gotten on with your uncle before the whole marriage business was thrust onto you. 

“No problem, just immediate family then.” he nods then puts the phone away. 

You eat in silence for a while again, but the reminder of your family riles you up just a smidge. You hadn’t forgiven your parents for everything they’d put you through, despite you having good feelings towards your husband, it didn’t alter the fact that they’d been the ones who’d thrown you into the deep end. 

“Did you ever figure it out?” Nicholas breaks the silence. You’re not sure what he means. 

“I have figured many a-things out, you’re gonna have to be more specific.” you shrug. 

“My bad, O Wise and Great One. Have you figured out why I agreed to the marriage in the first place?” he clarifies. “It’s funny how worked up you were about it before, don’t tell me you forgot?” 

You cringe internally at how suspicious you had been back then, though it had been founded, and especially because you were still strangers at the time. There was an occasional pang of suspicion that returned to you, but for the most part you’d established that Nicholas wasn’t that kind of person. 

“I think you’re too mellow to have an actual agenda,” you state. “So I retract my previous doubts.” 

“In other words… you don’t think I need an agenda to marry a beautiful woman?” he looks at you expectantly. You know he wants you to agree, but you refuse just for that reason. 

You roll your eyes. “You’re sleeping outside tonight.” you threaten. Nicholas frowns before laughing.

“We have separate rooms.” he says. 

“Figuratively. It’s the thought that counts.” you insist, starting to get infected by the laugh.

“Damn, YN, cut me some slack; a guy can’t even give his wife a compliment.” he complains. 

“No, he can’t. It made me suspicious again.” you retort. “You know it doesn’t make sense, right?” you say seriously. “You could probably have anyone you wanted, so why choose to get stuck with me?” 

You voice your recent growing insecurities about your marriage - sham marriage - but nonetheless, for all intents and purposes, real and legal marriage. 

“Bold of you to assume I chose it.” Nicholas says nonchalantly. 

“Ouch.” you say sarcastically. “Not exactly what you want to hear after sleeping with someone.” you mumble. 

“Hey, not what I meant. Will you let me finish?” he quips back. 

“Kay, I did ask,” you concede. 

“You think you had no choice, and you didn’t. But it was pretty much the same for me, if not worse.” Nicholas explains. “I have no siblings. I’ve been raised as the crown prince of the empire. My family’s future depends on me. Marrying you was a way to secure that future.” 

You mull it over in your head. “But we benefit more from the merger than Wang Enterprises.”

In your view, it had always been your parents trying to claw their way into higher society, to make more money, as if you needed it, when you should just be focusing on what good your company could do - you were in the medical supplies business and the world would always need those without a doubt. It’s why you decided to work in the company in the first place instead of leaving; because you could do more good from the inside.  

“Or do you?” Nicholas asks, not really expecting an answer. “Just food for thought. Don’t think the Wangs are any better, it’s business after all.” he sighs. 

Nicholas was right; this marriage deal was a two way street and both parties had agreed to embark on it together. Your choices had led you to each other but you had to remember it was just good business.

You had resented him, maybe almost hated him at first, but you couldn’t hold it against him. You’d told yourself it was just good business and you were protecting Maki, your family had to come first, right?

Perhaps it was a good lie to tell yourself or a fiery explosion that had the power to blow up your life as you knew it, but still good business. 

Your hand in Nicholas’, his mouth on yours, skin to skin, your heart thundering in your chest…all just good business and you knew eventually it would obliterate everything in good your life. 

It was just a matter of when, not if.  

*

You looked in the mirror for the hundredth time and sighed, chucking the clothes on a hanger over your bed and into the growing pile of rejects. 

Your problem for tonight wasn’t that you had nothing to wear, but that every single thing somehow didn’t seem right all of a sudden. One was too businesslike, another too flimsy for the weather, one couldn’t match with another piece to create an outfit.

You walk back to your closet and take out the last few hangers in hopes of making something happen. 

It was your six month anniversary and you had to be presentable to the whole family. Mostly, your mother, who seemed to always have an opinion about everything, even when you were simply breathing. 

You hold up one piece to your torso across the mirror and then the other. 

A quiet knock on your open door behind you breaks your concentration. 

“Everything okay in here?” Nicholas asks, leaning on the doorway, eyes glued to the mountain of stuff on your bed. You turn to look at him - his outfit a painfully simple black shirt, blazer and slacks. But it looked perfect for the occasion - not too formal, not too casual or uptight for the office. 

And he looked like a million bucks; a very handsome, very suave million bucks.  

You groan out loud after seeing him.

“Okay, I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” he says then crosses into your room to look at the hangers in your hands.

“Sorry, I’m just stumped right now. I remember buying all of these with a purpose, but I never imagined the occasion would be ‘six month anniversary of arranged marriage’ when I did.” you hand the hangers to Nicholas and perch on your bed. 

“A true fashionista always adapts, no matter the occasion.” Nicholas comments while sifting through the hangers, holding one up for a moment then another and discarding them into a new pile. 

“Now’s not the time for preaching,” you retort. “Please help a fashion disaster in need.” you put your palms together and plead with your best puppy eyes. 

“Aigoo,” Nicholas coos. “At least you’re self-aware.” he says with an undertone of mocking your pathetic attempt at begging but smiles after. “Anything for my poor wifey.” You narrow your eyes at him but he’s too busy looking at the clothes in front of him to notice. You decide not to comment since your need his help. 

“Thanks, I’m going to finish my make-up.” you take a seat at your modest vanity and pick where you’d left off after panicking about not having an outfit then racing to your closet to figure that out.

You don’t do anything too crazy, just making yourself look nice for a dinner rather than a runway, all the while Nicholas arranges a slew of different outfits behind you. You watch him in the vanity mirror as he shuffles from one end of the bed to the other, assessing each one as he puts them together, or changing one part then standing back to look at it from a distance. 

It’s when you’re smacking your lips together after applying lipstick that he lets out a long exhale. 

“I’m done.” he says. “I think this may just be my masterpiece.” You close your eyes for a second to stop them from rolling. 

“Hold your horses, Picasso, I haven’t tried it on yet.” you rise from your seat and undo your satin dressing gown, sliding it off and leaving it on the chair. You move past Nicholas in just your underwear but it doesn’t phase either of you anymore. There was nothing left to be shy about. 

There are three options on your bed, each one unique in its own way but you zero in on a dress paired up with a cropped blazer. The dress itself was something you’d bought a long time ago but never worn because it had cutouts right where your tattoo was. While the tattoo was a simple bunch of lilies, you didn’t want to show it off at the places you usually went.  

“I’m going to have to eliminate this one because if my mother sees my tattoo, she might faint.” you point it out. “I’ll save it for some other occasion though.” you promise. 

“Fair, I just thought it would look good on you so I put it there.” Nicholas nods. “Why did you even get the tattoo if you would hide it all the time though?” he asks, curiosity colouring his voice. 

You hum, considering both the question and the remaining outfits. “I wanted something that was my own entirely. I made the decision and didn’t have to get approval because no one would know about it.” 

“I know about it.” he shrugs. “And anyone who sees you naked will know about it.” he adds as a matter of fact. 

“I’m thinking it’s not a long list of people, nor are they likely to care about it, so it’s whatever.” you gravitate toward the second outfit - a black skirt with a white top that gave off an elegant line and was stylish as it was pretty. “Not bad, maestro. Shoes?” you ask, starting to take the clothes off the hanger. 

“Those thigh-high boots you never wear.” he replies without hesitation. You nod while trying to remember exactly where you put those, but then you realise it must be in the communal shoe rack since Nicholas has seen them. 

“If I wore them all the time, they wouldn’t be special.” you argue as you put on the skirt first, zipping it up. 

You’re about to reach for the shirt but Nicholas is already holding it out for you. You slip your arms through and let him pull the material up. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on the skin between your shoulder and neck, catching you off-guard, then sliding the material the rest of the way as if he hadn’t done anything at all. 

“Still, you should wear them. You deserve to feel special more often.” he hums, stepping away. You button the shirt up. “We should get going, I’ll drive.” he announces before leaving you alone in your room. 

“Okay,” you say too late for him to hear. 

You’re still reeling from the random display of affection. What was he playing at? Didn’t he know you were already going crazy without him acting like- well- like he was your husband, even though he technically was, in fact, your husband, even if you weren’t in love. 

Was he allowed to do that? Were there even rules to this? 

You only had yourself to blame since the boundaries you’d set were pretty loose and not that clear. You’d agreed that you could touch each other and be close and that it didn’t mean anything deep, yet you couldn’t stop yourself now from wondering if maybe it did mean something? 

Did it mean anything to him? Did it mean anything to you?

Judging from how freaked out you were, it must, right?

Was it too late to worry about that? Were you simply denying something so obvious and simple?

Could you like your husband for real, even if your marriage wasn’t?  

You keep thinking about it as you finish getting ready and meet Nicholas at the front door. 

“Ready for the catwalk.” you mumble as you hold up your arms slightly, showing off the final outfit.

“Some of my best work yet,” he nods, assessing the way the clothes fit over your body. You narrow your eyes slightly. Now was not the time to be checking you out, but you don’t say that. “You’re going to be fabulous, darlin!” he exclaims, startling you. It was rare to see a supernatural possession in real life but you’d seen it all now. 

“Gosh, what a diva.” you smirk as you follow him out the door. 

“I prefer the term ‘icon’, thank you very much.” he quips without glancing back at you. When you don’t say anything, Nicholas looks back sheepishly at you. “Too much?”

“I won’t judge you for being targeted by the ghost of the Devil Who Wears Prada, but yes.” you confirm. 

For once you don’t complain about riding in his obnoxiously red Ferrari, too lost in thought to care about the noise or what you looked like on the outside. 

You zipped through the night, streetlights illuminating your way through the big city. 

Nicholas was quiet too, putting on some music as background noise. 

You arrived at the location, leaving the car with the valets and advancing inside. You’re met with a gust of hot air as you enter through the revolving doors and find yourselves in a dimly-lit foyer with a slab of marble clearly signed as an information desk and a pathway to a collection of elevators. 

You take the one that comes first and Nicholas presses the P button at the very top of the series of keys on the wall. 

The elevator dings at the top of the building and you enter the penthouse restaurant, eyes circling the premises, more lavish and luxurious than you could have imagined. The restaurant was huge but silent, clearly booked out for your family exclusively, its thirty odd tables left dressed in white tablecloths but otherwise empty.

The high ceiling drew your eyes up and you spotted several incredibly fancy chandeliers hanging through the main atrium, their lights reflecting brightly in the floor to ceiling windows that covered every wall of the restaurant. Under one such chandelier, a series of tables had been put together and the table set but your family was gathered at one of the windows, looking out to the city while holding their drinks.

“Ah, finally.” Your father says, raising his voice so you could hear him as the two of you walked towards the group. “We were starting to worry you got lost.” he continues, clearly teasing.

You smiled automatically as you approached, giving your in-laws your greetings then your parents and Maki, who seemed to suddenly wake up from being bored out of his mind. You reach up and pat his cheek affectionately while Nicholas is already joining the conversation smoothly. 

Nicholas has the parents holding on to his every word but your mother manages to zero in on you, her eyes searching over you, analysing but saying nothing. Sometimes silence was golden-

“Dear, don’t you think those boots are a bit inappropriate?” she asks quietly while you’re somewhat out of earshot. You spoke too soon; there was no scenario in your life that your mother kept her opinion to herself. “You’re not clubbing with your friends.” she says through a toothy smile.

“Nicholas picked them out.” you blurt in defence, not that it was going to retract your mother’s previous statement. She hums for a second, taking another discreet look at your attire. 

“Well, I suppose they do make your legs look slimmer.” she muses. You should have expected something like that; her son-in-law could do no wrong in her eyes. You ignore her in favour of locating the nearest waiter bringing around booze. Once there is a champagne glass in your hand, you feel a little more grounded. You prepare yourself for a harrowing conversation but are luckily saved by the bell. Or in this case, your father-in-law.  

“Why don’t we sit down, everyone?” you hear Mr Wang ask. “You must be starving.” 

You had most certainly lost your appetite but you were grateful for the progression of the evening - the faster you ate, the faster you could get home. 

Nicholas materialises by your side and slides an arm around your waist, leaning in so his mouth was close to your ear. “Everything okay?” he mutters. 

“Define ‘okay’.” you mutter back before reaching your seats. Nicholas squeezes your waist gently, as if reassuring you, then lets go.  

Your mother and Nicholas’ mother sit together, then your fathers, then you, Nicholas and Maki at one end, forming somewhat of a kids’ corner, which in some ways you were grateful for since you were a fair distance away from your mother but not your father. If you were being fair though, that was the lesser of two evils so you sat between your father and Nicholas and sipped your champagne.

For a few minutes, everyone is busy talking and mulling over the menus, yourself included. Once everyone has ordered though, the toasting starts.

You sorta zoned out from the sense of deja vu while your father spoke, then Nicholas’ father spoke and all they were yapping on about was business this and business that and how great it was that your families were joined etc, etc. You’d heard a carbon copy of this bullshit at your wedding and it was getting old this time around. 

It was only when you all raised your champagne glasses (and Maki his soda) that a flare of panic ran through your spine when you saw Nicholas raise his glass to his lips. Luckily, you had the mind to gently manoeuvre the hand holding the glass away from his face.    

“Oh no, you don’t.” you muttered under your breath. You’d learned the hard way that Nicholas and alcohol did not mix so you were merely taking a preventative measure. Besides, you needed to drive home and you’d beaten him to the booze earlier. 

Nicholas looks at you inquisitively for a second then nods, silently agreeing to your good call. You reach toward a glass of water and offer it to him instead, then exchange it for the champagne, downing first your glass, then his in one go. Nobody seems to be paying you any heed as you notice Nicholas staring at you in disbelief, clearly gagged at your display of near insanity. You regarded it only as insane since you were doing it openly at a family dinner, in front of your mother, rather than the fact you were drinking champagne like it was juice. 

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not a lightweight like you, dude.” you answer his stare. 

“I didn’t say anything.” he clears his throat, looking away, but is clearly still amused. You’re sort of just grateful that only Nicholas had witnessed your little stunt instead of your mother.  

After a while, dinner gets served and the food is too good for you to pay attention to anything else so you use it as an excuse to abstain from conversation, though if you were being honest, no one was particularly interested in talking with you anyway, since your father was preoccupied with Nicholas’ father, the mothers were in their own world, and Nicholas and Maki were discussing something you couldn’t quite hear from Nico’s other side.  

Eating your meal felt almost meditative in the midst of the noise, but you found your mind wandering to other things. Like the way that Nicholas’ chair was really a bit close to yours so occasionally your legs touched, or your arms brushed against one another. Even these brief little touches were warm; he was warm next to you and your body felt drawn to his, as if you wanted him to keep some kind of contact with you. 

It was moments like these that you caught yourself - is this okay? Is this normal to think about your friends-with-benefits/husband? The logical explanation of your feelings was starting to feel obvious and undeniable, but you didn’t want to voice it properly, you couldn’t just admit it, even to yourself, because you knew that admitting that you felt something deeper towards Nicholas could shatter you. Mostly because you didn’t think he felt the same way. 

After the meal, you all take a moment to disperse and contemplate dessert. You were pretty sure it was just an excuse for your fathers sneak away and smoke a cigar or two while discussing more business topics that might be deemed inappropriate for the table. You go to the washroom to see how your makeup is holding up and feel a little buzzed as you get through the doors again, not quite swaying but managing to walk in the incorrect direction back to the open plan dining room. 

You end up walking into the alternate corridor which leads to the terrace seating area, now closed up by a thick, see-through vinyl tarp for the winter so the guests there wouldn’t be exposed to the elements. You can hear a loudspeaker above you somewhere playing music quietly as you wander into the terrace. 

For a moment you hesitate because you spot Nicholas some distance away with his phone to his ear, back turned to you. You approach him slowly, drinking him in. He seems a little tense by the way his shoulders are slightly raised as he perches on a nearby table while he talks. 

You’re within earshot now and you can hear him speaking in Mandarin, picking up only a few words here or there. You figure out it’s a business call and wait silently, feeling the slight chill of the air that seeps through the small gaps between the makeshift carpet laid out beneath your feet and the edge of the tarp. 

Nicholas concludes the call, obviously exchanging a few parting pleasantries with a laugh and hangs up, turning around and jumping slightly, clearly startled at your sudden appearance. Evidently, he hadn’t heard you coming at all. 

“Sorry.” you mumble in response. 

“No, it’s okay, I was just going to find you anyway. You ready to go home?” he asks. 

“Don’t you want dessert?” you don’t answer his question because you don’t want to seem like you had a crap time, which you did, but he didn’t need to know that, unless he already did, of course; Nicholas wasn’t that oblivious.  

“I don’t care about dessert, YN. I can tell you’d rather be like anywhere else at this point.” he gives you a sympathetic half-smile. Well, he’d picked up on that so there’s no need to spare him anymore. 

“You’re right. I would.” you feel a bitter chuckle escape your mouth. “If you’re ready, then we can go. I drank enough so it’s an excuse for us to dip.”

“Aha, so there was indeed a method to the madness.” he walks towards you and you start to leave.

“Pfft, how could I not have a strategy when going into battle? You know the best defence is offence.” you explain as you make your way back to the door. 

Nicholas is about to say something but stops for a moment, glancing around. 

“Do you hear that?” he asks. You assume he means the quiet music overhead. You nod. You don’t see his point. He seems to make up his mind about something. “Well, actually, I’m not quite ready to go home yet.” he says. 

You sigh. 

So close and yet so far.

“Fine, we’ll stay.” you concede. You were tipsy but not drunk so you supposed you could endure more. You step to go but Nicholas puts a hand on your arm. 

“Wait, I didn’t mean going back there again.” he says. You turn to look at him properly. “I want to dance with you. Here. How about it?” his eyebrows quirk in question. 

You think you must have misheard him. Dance? What was he talking about?

“We haven’t danced since the wedding. Why would we dance?” you hear yourself ask. 

Nicholas shrugs. “Because we can.” 

“Doesn’t mean we should. Nico, you know I suck. Let’s just go.” 

“Oh c’mon, dance with me, please?” he whines a little, the tiniest hint of a pout gracing his lips. “Please? You know I love to dance.” he says. You deflate a smidgeon since he’s asking so sincerely. 

“Fine, this is my gift to you.” you agree. 

“Awesome. Come on.” he offers his hand and you take it, letting him pull you close. You almost whine in protest but let it go. Nicholas seems to sense it. “What? I love to dance, so sue me.”

“I’m a lawyer; don’t tempt me.” you mutter in response but curl up into his arms.  

You focus on the new song that starts playing from the speaker above you, trying to figure out what to do but Nicholas starts to guide you gently, getting you to sway to the beat. You don’t fight it and soon you’re immersed.    

The song was wistful even if you didn’t understand all the words, but the feeling was somehow amplified as you swayed slowly, Nicholas’ arm around your waist and yours resting on his shoulder. You tried not to tremble as you held his other hand, afraid that he could feel your pulse just by having your fingers interlocked or from the way your heart hammered in your chest as you were pressed up against each other. 

You didn’t dare look into his eyes for too long because you knew that if you let yourself, you would inevitably stare for too long and somehow manage to expose your strange new feelings towards your husband. It was better that you didn’t do anything rash. Yet, it was hard because Nicholas was keeping you close, his head almost resting on your own as he leaned forward slightly. You could smell his cologne and the scent of his body wash and the fabric softener used on his shirt.

He filled up your every sense and as if that wasn’t enough, even though you were holding him close, he filled the cavities of your slowly emptying mind. You were letting the music carry your thoughts off; all thoughts except for those of Nicholas. 

His hand was steady on your waist and you could feel the warmth of his palm through your top. It’s not like he didn’t regularly touch you so you couldn’t understand why you were so aware of his proximity to you right now - you literally shared so much physical contact, especially lately, that you felt almost embarrassed at how much you were overthinking it right now. The realisation dawns on you in that moment; you’d grown close enough that his touch was so familiar and even welcome.  

The song finishes and you slowly unravel, the realisation that anyone could have found you like that dawning on you. You can’t help but glance towards the inside and see nothing and no one so you relax. You didn’t want your parents prying into your relationship with Nicholas, despite being the ones to throw you into. 

“Now we can go home.” Nicholas smiles. You smile a little too, grateful that you hadn’t turned him down.   

You brainstorm a plan on your way back to the main hall and decide that you’ll go with the ‘poor YN doesn’t feel so great but thank you for the celebration, see you (not too) soon’. You feign being sleepy and let Nicholas do his best charm-speaking, hypnotising the adults. 

Meanwhile, Maki throws you a scrutinising look that tells you he clocked your bullshit and you scrunch your nose in response, telepathically relaying a threat of telling your parents about your visit to his school, and though he frowns a little, he backs off. He probably didn’t want to be left alone with the adults and you’d apologise to him later, but right now, it was every person for themselves.

Thankfully, it is easy to make an escape and when you sit down in Nicholas’ car, you’re almost happy to be inside the vehicle. 

“Well, we’ve definitely written off Christmas and New Years’, so what do you want to do instead?” Nicholas asks on the way home. He sounds as chipper as you’d feel if you hadn’t had so much champagne.  

“Sleep. My vacation days are used for hibernation purposes only.” you state. “But you go ahead and have fun.” you add with a smile.

You get home fairly quickly, the night traffic barely there. 

The warmth of your apartment signals you to finally relax and you take a moment to exhale a deep breath you’d been holding all night. 

After that, you started the process of taking off your boots, leaning against the wall to stop yourself from losing your balance. It took an age but you finally got free of the shoes and the soles of your feet hit the cool tile in your foyer. You walked the few steps to your communal shoe storage unit and found your slippers laid out for you so you could just step into them, no doubt Nicholas thinking a few steps ahead for you. 

You smiled a little at the thought of him laying them out as he put his own on. He could be really sweet sometimes. Or a lot of the time. 

You walk into the kitchen and find Nicholas at the counter, blazer draped over a chair and forgotten as he concentrated on opening a small box. As you neared him, you realised that it was a cake box, and sure enough he pulled out a small chocolate and strawberry cake, decorated with beautiful wisps of whipping cream on top. You thought he was done until he pulled a small bouquet of red roses wrapped up in black mesh from behind the counter.

“These are for you.” he said, offering them to you.

“Nico, what is this?” you ask, surprised at the sudden appearance of the cake and flowers. 

“The real reason we skipped dessert.” he says casually. You accept the flowers hesitantly.

“Thank you.” you say as you admire the bouquet. You’d only ever received flowers from your best friends, like Jay at your graduation or Yunjin for your annual day-drinking fest (Valentines’ Day). 

You notice him take a few candles out of the box too and wonder how much he really had planned ahead. 

“Huh, I thought you were just getting us out of there, but I guess this is a bonus.” you shrug, grateful that you didn’t have to listen to your mother criticise desserts and then you as you ate them. You knew she was plenty capable and it wasn’t something you wanted to hear tonight. 

“Yeah, I thought we should celebrate on our own too.” Nicholas explains, adjusting the candles into the cake. “Happy six months, YN.” he lights up the candles and pushes the cake forward so it sits between the two of you on the counter. “Make a wish.” 

You look at him, finding the light of the candles reflected in his eyes, making them sparkle in the dim lights of your apartment. The image of him is so well ingrained in your brain that you think he might just be last thing you see before you close your eyes for the last time on this earth. 

You catch yourself - would that be so bad? If he was the last person you thought of, like ever? Or the last person you saw? 

You realise that the answer is no, it wouldn’t be so bad at all. 

“I haven’t made a wish since I was five, Nicholas.” you divert his attention to mask anything passing thoughts on your face. 

“Well, then it’s been long enough, hasn’t it?” he retorts playfully. “C’mon, I’ll make one too. Close your eyes.” he encourages you, closing his own eyes. 

You don’t close your eyes so you can keep looking at him. 

You had always been wary of making wishes - since you were five you knew that you had everything you could want - it had been drummed into your head, but you weren’t sure you really needed most of those things. 

Now you were an adult, you knew that wishes don’t really come true, it’s more the thought that counts, but regardless, you allow yourself to be a little selfish and make a wish. There was no harm in it since nothing would change:

You wished that you and Nicholas could be in love for real. 

*

The rest of winter rolled by fairly quickly and before you could blink, it was already early spring. 

Maki had a school holiday so you decided to invite him to hang out, knowing that Nicholas has some time off too. You’d been forced, mostly by your uncle, to take some of your outstanding vacation days and you had combined the two since you weren’t going anywhere. 

So there you are, waiting for you little brother in your car, thinking about how you were going to avoid traffic later on.

Maki opens the passenger door and slumps into the seat, underestimating his own strength and slamming the car door close. You don’t even bother to remind him to be more careful because there’s only so many times you can say that to a teenage boy before you lose your own mind from the reminders. 

“What’s up?” he greets you as he buckles his seatbelt. 

“Nothing much. I’m flattered you have time for your dear, old sister.” you chuckle. You start the car and pull out of the parking spot. 

“What? I’m coming to hang out with Nicholas.” Maki grins playfully and you click your tongue in response. How could you forget that sass was your little brother’s favourite skill? 

“Well then, maybe Nicholas can negotiate your allowance with Mom and Dad next time.” you declare, not letting Maki forget where he learned to talk like that in the first place; he was a graduate of the University of Having An Older Sister, majoring in Sarcasm with a minor in Sass.  

“Yeah, okay, and you, I guess.” he pouts. 

“Nice save.” you smile. “So, what do you want to do? We can go to the park, maybe play some basketball if you ask Nico nicely.” you suggest. You don’t even realise you’re using a nickname when you usually refer to your husband by his full government name. It’s three syllables: Ni-cho-las, yet you’d found yourself shortening it a lot lately.   

“Really? I didn’t think you’d want to go outside.” Maki says, contemplating the offer. 

“I do too! I like going to the park and the basketball court.” you say, though you’d barely even had the time to go more than twice since you’d moved into your apartment. But those two times had been nice, walking around with Nicholas and then getting coffee after. It had almost felt like a real date between two people who weren’t married. 

“Fine, let’s go. I want to play with Nicholas anyway. He says he’s really good but I need to see it for myself.” Maki vows. He seems determined to call your husband’s bluff. For a moment you feel a pang of pride; you’d taught your brother just enough scepticism not to get fooled by just anyone’s word.  

“Alright. In that case, we’ll go to the apartment and get Nico…las.” you find yourself adding for good measure. Maki doesn’t seem to notice though. So you change the subject. “Y’know, every time I see you, I swear you’ve grown a little more. It’s very jarring.” you say. 

Maki hums in agreement. “Well, that’s because I put insoles in my shoes just to mess with you and only you specifically.” 

You give your brother a momentary side eye as much as driving would allow you. “So help me God, if I find out that’s true, Machiato-”

“It’s not, I promise.” he assures you. You let out a quiet ‘hmmph’ and drop it. 

At your apartment you find Nicholas emerging from his room and you find a way to distract Maki long enough so that he can’t see into the room and the fact that it is not a couple’s bedroom. You usher Maki into the living room so that Nicholas can sneak away and get ready. 

“I’ll be ready in ten!” he offers from the hallway but you only make a small noise of acknowledgement while you get your brother some water. 

When you turn around from the kitchen area, you find that Maki has taken to the side of the couch temporarily housing dry laundry and has set up camp in folding it. You sigh. You didn’t want to feel like you called your little brother over so he act like a little maid. 

“Maks! Enough! You don’t need to do anything. This is our laundry so it’s our problem.” you insist, making your way to him.  

“Okay.” he says but carries on folding so you decide to just let him fold his heart out.

A minute later Nicholas appears in the living room, looking incredibly chipper. 

“Maki! My dude, how’s it going?” you’re surprised to see your (big) little brother perk up and jump to hug your husband. You can’t help but feel the pang of jealousy because you didn’t get the same enthusiasm. 

“I’m good, hyung. The question is: are you ready to get your butt kicked?” Maki grins cheekily. 

Nicholas frowns softly, as if contemplating the challenge. “You know what? I think I’ll do all my talking on the court.” 

You purse your lips at Maki’s feeble attempt at trash talking, if you could even call it that. 

“Anyways,” you cut in. “Let’s go, boys. The sun will set before we even make it outside.” you put a hand on one of their shoulders each and gently push them toward the door. 

The spring air is warmer than you were expecting but not warm enough for there to be a lot of people outside playing yet. 

You have the whole court to yourselves and you opt for watching the boys running around for a bit, playing one on one. Maki manages to get past Nicholas and dribbles the ball before taking a slightly clumsy shot at the hoop but scoring nonetheless. 

Nicholas nods in approval as Maki jumps up excitedly, celebrating his victory. 

“Not bad.” you hear Nicholas comment. “But that was just the warm up.” he explains.

“Oh wow, I sure am scared now.” Maki laughs. “Just play, bro.” he passes the ball to Nicholas, who was attacking this time. 

“No problem.” you sense a change in tone in your husband’s voice. Oh boy, he was getting competitive. 

You watch in amusement as Nicholas wins point after point against your little brother. Maki doesn’t seem disappointed in the slightest though - you catch him giggling and laughing like a little kid as he tries to block Nicholas from shooting. It seems so natural to see the two of them playing together, like this wasn’t the first time. 

Perhaps you weren’t the only one that was getting attached to Nicholas. Or even the idea of Nicholas being part of your family. 

Maki finally manages to win another point back and the two slow down and stop for a break. You offer them the water bottles that were parked next to you and get up to chase down the ball from rolling too far away. 

While the boys are busy resting, you decide to have a go yourself. You’d tried playing basketball in school a little bit in class or whatever, but it had been a long time. You bounce the ball experimentally then try dribbling it a couple times. You get the feel for it fairly quickly and try moving while dribbling. It’s not as easy as Nicholas makes it out to be but you get close to the hoop and stop to prepare your shot.

Nicholas materialises behind you and snakes his arms on either side of you, enveloping you slightly in his grasp. It surprises you that he’s there for a moment then you try not to laugh as you digest how cheesy your husband was being. Of course he would do the cliché where the guy tries to help the girl throw the ball. His hands are on yours and you let out a small scoff, disguising it as a laugh. 

You shimmy out of his arms slightly. “Thanks, Coach Wang, but I got this.” you declare, freeing your hands too and then throwing the ball by yourself. You manage to shoot it correctly and it goes through the hoop with no trouble. 

“Yo, that was like a three-pointer!” Maki shouts from the side, probably more surprised than you were at your success. 

You turn around to Nicholas, who seemed somewhat lost for words, stuck somewhere between shock and admiration. “What have you got to say for yourself?” you grin smugly.

“It seems I have been put on this planet to be humbled by my wife.” he admits, smiling back at you. You can’t help but laugh, just as Maki starts to laugh heartily some few feet away from you. 

After a while of trying to score by yourself, you decide to sit back down since physical activity was not your forte. Maki seizes the opportunity to turn to you and you immediately know he’s up to something. 

“Sis, can we have ice cream, please, pretty please with sprinkles on top?” he gives you his best pleading eyes while you roll your eyes. How didn’t you guess?

Before you can even make an argument to dissuade him gently, Nicholas exhibits traits of super-human hearing (or telepathy) and appears at the mere mention of the sweet treat. 

“Ice cream? I can go buy some. What kind do you like?” he asks. You shake your head slightly but he doesn’t seem to notice. Or he did and he didn’t want to seem uncool in front of Maki. You resist the urge to roll your eyes for a second time at the obvious attempt to kiss up to your brother.   

You let it slide when Maki looks for reassurance from you. You nod. 

“Whatever they got!” Maki lights up. His enthusiasm makes Nicholas laugh. 

“You got it, bro. YN, any requests?” 

“Whatever you’re having.” you say simply. You already knew that it was going to be some strawberry monstrosity. 

To be honest, you weren’t really feeling like it but you didn’t want to miss out on sharing something with your husband and your brother. Your afternoon had been really great so far, the sibling bonding turned up to the max. 

Nicholas leaves for the nearby convenience store and the two of you are left to talk by yourselves. 

“Ugh, the ice cream will spoil your dinner. I swear, Maki, mom and dad aren’t gonna be happy that I sent you home like that. They’ll get mad.” you sigh, the realisation dawning on you momentarily. 

Maki scoffs. “As if they’ll give a shit.”

“Yah! Language, mister.” you feel the need to scold him even though you couldn’t care less if he swore. He was old enough that it didn’t matter anymore.

“Besides, you like making them mad, don’t you?” Maki surprises you by asking. You’re drawing a blank. 

“Whatever do you mean?” it wasn’t untrue but you had a feeling he meant something in particular.  

“Well, you married Nicholas out of nowhere. I’m sure they were mad about that.”

The question sounds innocent but you almost burst out cackling. You wish you could tell him how wrong he was, but that would topple the Jenga tower of lies and appearances you and Nicholas had built for Maki’s sake more than the merger. The things your parents had decided to put you through were really too much but you bore it all and wanted to protect your brother in any way that you might be able to. 

“Aha, you have no idea, kiddo.” is all you manage without sounding like you were about to choke, but that doesn’t seem to be a satisfactory answer to Maki. He shifts slightly, thinking for a moment. You feel yourself anticipating something, unsure what, but something. 

“Actually, I have something to say.” he continues. 

“Um, is everything okay?” you try not to sound overly uneasy but deep down, anything that your brother said with a contemplative face like that was cause for concern. 

“It’s okay, nothing serious.” he hurries to calm you down. 

“Alright. Shoot.” you say. 

“You seem happier these days.” Maki states. 

You gap at him. That was the last thing you could have imagined he would say to you right now. You blink twice and gather yourself, letting out a slight cough. 

“Hah, I guess.” you put neutrally. You didn’t want any of your personal business with Nicholas being aired out, let alone become a discussion point with your little brother. 

“No, but really. And…” he hesitates. You watch him patiently. He takes a deep breath. “I know you didn’t choose to marry Nicholas.” 

“What?” you feel yourself start to panic. “No, I chose to marry him.” you insist. Technically, it wasn’t a lie; you did actively make the choice to do so.

“No, I know it was arranged.” Maki clarifies.

“Oh.” your heart sinks but you’re not sure why it’s followed by a sense of relief. Well, there was no need to beat around the bush if Maki was up to speed. “When did you find out?” 

“I’d had my suspicions for a while that something was off, but I figured it out after the six month anniversary dinner. I heard dad talking to Mr Wang.” he says. 

You sit with your thoughts for a second.

The six month anniversary? 

Good god, that was almost four months ago. How could Maki sit on that information for so long without saying anything to anyone, most of all, to you? You were his older sister, surely he should have felt able to confide in you, especially on the subject of your own marriage? 

“I was mad at you for not telling me you had a boyfriend or a fiancé.” he continues. “But then I found out it was arranged and I felt sorry.”

“I would have told you, Maks. I’m sorry. But now you know.” you say quietly. 

“Yeah. I don’t blame you. I don’t get it though. Why did you agree?” Maki asks. The question makes you dizzy. You didn’t want to get into it really. 

“Because it seemed like the right thing to do.” you reply, finding the right words for it.  

“But weren’t you scared?” your little brother looks at you wide-eyed and almost worried. You look back at him and assess the inquisition. He didn’t seem angry but rather concerned. 

You offer him a small smile of assurance. “I was scared for a second, then I wasn’t. I realised there were more important things than fear.”

“I know you did it ‘cause mom and dad threatened you.” Maki sighs, somewhat frustrated. “You didn’t have to do it for me, y’know. I can take care of myself. You didn’t have to sacrifice your life for me. What if your husband turned out to be awful?”

You’re taken aback because your little bean of a brother (now more the giant rather than the bean) was far more perceptive and mature than you thought. You appreciate his protective sentiment even though he couldn’t do much in the world yet. It made you nostalgic - where had the time gone? You were so used to being the grown-up that it was jarring to hear Maki say things like that.

“I only partially did it for you; I had to think of the company and our future too…besides, Nicholas isn’t so bad.” you allow yourself to compliment your husband in his absence. “He’s actually…really not bad at all…” you trail off, surprised at how you were ready to say more.

Maki laughs at your comment. “What are you talking about? He’s the best!” he grins. 

You find yourself smiling widely. “I’m glad you approve.” 

“Honestly, I don’t think you could have done better than him anyway, but maybe he could have.” Maki shrugs. 

Your jaw practically hits the ground. The audacity of this kid, the nerve! You shake your head in disbelief. 

“Hey now, watch it or I’ll eat your ice cream.” you warn.    

Maki nods vigorously. “Sorry, sorry.” he claps his hands together and you almost expect him to start singing the song. 

*

The clock seems to be ticking extra slowly this afternoon, you remark to yourself. The second hand could give a snail a run for its money, whilst the minute hand might as well be glued to the same spot for all you knew. 

You listen to your father drone on about prosperity and success and ‘welcoming a new era for our humble enterprises’. It’s quite humorous to hear your mid-sized corporations referred to as ‘humble’. You watch as a large piece of dust makes its way through the conference room from where the air conditioning flow filtered out into the room. It was far more interesting.  

It was getting hotter these days and the first few instances of heatwaves were already frying your city, so you had no choice but to start turning up the air conditioning within most of the building.  

You were gathered in an executive meeting at your company rather than at Wang Enterprises. 

The merger had taken just under a year and was completed as of the beginning of the week, a little bit ahead of its projected timeline to most people’s surprise. 

But not yours.

You knew your parents. They liked to move quickly, especially when it was certainly going to benefit them so extremely. 

You could never forget what kind of a big deal it was that your company was now not only associated with Wang Enterprises, but also merged and tied together in business as well as in matrimony. 

Especially not when the crown prince of said enterprise had left bruises on your hips and a dent in your mattress because he was simply too lazy to use his own bed when your usual shenanigans ensured that you barely made it to any bed at all. (You’d recently received a noise complaint passive-aggressive enough to rival your mother).

Your mind wanders and you shift your eyes to Nicholas next to you. His chair is really close to yours so the arm rests are touching. Nicholas’ elbow rests over the two whilst your arm is touching his. This feels normal now. 

Sometimes you notice your body acting on its own accord, being drawn towards his without an explanation. You wanted to be close enough to touch when you sat down, or to link your arms when you walked side by side. And sometimes you just needed his mouth on yours but you tried to control yourself.  

Other times you can feel when he enters a room or recognise the sound of his footsteps, the magnitude of his movement or the gravity of his breathing. It was like you developed a sixth sense. A Nico-radar that you were unable to turn off. 

Now you sense that he’s noticed you watching him in the corner of your eye. He confirms it by shifting slightly so he can discretely look at you too. 

You lock eyes for a moment, unwilling to let go. You’re first to break. 

You feign interest in your laptop’s closed lid but he’s clocked you checking him out judging by the twitch of his mouth that threatens to become a smirk. You had to watch yourself or it might go to his head and he would tease you forever.  

“Thank you everyone for your hard work. Have a great weekend.” your father concludes the meeting. You sigh in relief while everyone starts to buzz, packing up, chatting and making their way out. 

Nicholas takes the first opportunity to lean over slightly. “Care to share what were you thinking about, Mrs Wang?” he mumbles loud enough for only you to hear. The tinge of amusement in his voice makes you realise that your fears were confirmed; he was going to be annoying about it.

You huff at just how right you were. But you decide you’re going to make him regret it. 

You turn to him, surprising him with the intensity of your stare and the close proximity between you while you were still in the conference room. Your father was talking to his vice president barely six feet away from you. 

“I was thinking about you, Nicholas.” you say in the same quiet tone. “About us and what we might get up to tonight.” you give him your best sultry look and he gulps, glancing towards your father who may or may not have given you two a once over discretely. 

Nicholas seems to notice that and practically catapults himself away from you, straightening his shirt and tie, looking anywhere but at you. Your father side eyes him from the other side of the conference table. You try to contain your laugh by pursing your lips. He looks positively terrified, the bravado of his previous flirting abandoned in a moment. 

Although Nicholas was the beloved son-in-law of your parents, in your father’s eyes, he was still a man that was too close to his daughter in public. It was medieval (and somewhat hypocritical since your parents basically sold you off to his family) but right now you found it rather entertaining. It was one of those things that if you didn’t laugh, you’d cry instead.

You let Nicholas shuffle away quickly before you walk over to your father and the vice president. 

“YN!” the VP greets you enthusiastically. They must have been discussing a bonus or something. No one in the company likes you that much. “How about that; the merger is already done. You must be relieved.” 

“Ah, yes.” you nod awkwardly. In actual fact, it was all the same to you. You still worked as you always did. Your marriage and the logistical parts of the merger had nothing to do with each other - the marriage was simply for business politics. 

“YN worked hard in the legal department, didn’t you?” your father doesn’t want an answer. As per usual, he’s trying his best to proudly show off his prize daughter. “Her and Nicholas have been doing a lot of work on the merger, it’s been a really great time for our newlyweds.” 

You ignore a) how one had nothing to do with the other, and b) the work you and Nicholas had done was like any other employee so really anyone could have done it, and c) any other “work” that you had actually done together had taken place in various states of undress and in your bedrooms. Oh, and you hadn’t really been newlyweds for quite a while.  

“I’ll bet. I’m sure they’re happy with how smoothly the whole process has gone. Right, YN?” the VP asks. You appreciate him trying to include you in the conversation, whereas your father largely talked as if you weren’t there. It was to be expected. You were used to it and it didn’t bother you anymore. 

“Yes, sir.” you reply obediently. Your father chuckles heartily, the sound still surprising to you after all these years. Your father was not a man that laughed a lot. 

“You’re absolutely right, my friend. Well, you’ll have to excuse me, I have one last meeting for today. I will see you on Monday.” he says and promptly leaves you with the VP. He looks after your father then turns to you.  

“YN, just between you and me, your father undermines the delicate nature of the merger. You did a good job,” the man says to you earnestly. 

“Thank y-”

“I mean, really, your marriage to young Nicholas could not have happened at a better time.” he continues, cutting you off. You perk up immediately. 

What on Earth was he talking about? 

“Sorry? Better time?” you ask, genuinely perplexed by what he might be implying. 

“Oh, you know!” he says lightheartedly. You really wished you did. 

“I’m not sure what you mean.” you persist. You had a bad feeling and you wanted to find out if there was something you didn’t know. You hated staying in the dark. 

“The coup! The situation at Wang Enterprises. It almost got rather ugly over there. If it wasn’t for your family’s merger proposal, then I don’t know what might have happened.” he talks as if this wasn’t new information to you but some common knowledge that you entered into this marriage with. 

“Remind me again exactly what it was, would you? I seemed to have forgotten. Too many things to think about lately.” you play along, not showing just how lost you were. He falls for the act and spills. 

“Right, well, it was after they had that problem with the investor. Not sure exactly what led to them pulling out, but the Wangs’ stock went down quite a bit and their directors were ready to stage a coup.” the VP explains nonchalantly but doesn’t give you any more details. Your blood runs cold however you force out a convincing pantomime.  

“That’s right, I remember. Silly me, how could I ever forget. Yes, indeed it is a good thing I married Nicholas.” you manage to joke it off. “Well, sir, I must be going, I have some work to attend to. Send my regards to the kids.” you offer and do a smile-and-walk-away combo as quickly as you deem still polite. You don’t even remember his kids. 

Okay, what the actual fuck was that about? 

Your heels clock loudly against the floor as you practically run to your office. You have to wait for an elevator to come to your floor, disrupting your clomping parade short. You don’t pay much attention as you wrack your brain for answers. 

What had happened at the Wangs’ company? What investor? Why didn’t you know about this, whatever it was? You try to remember everything you knew about the company and its business, but you come up with nothing relevant. What about their stocks? Had you heard about the drop in stocks? When could that have been? 

You feel yourself getting angry and frustrated as the elevator dings and you enter, ignoring whether there were people in there or not. You punch in the floor number on the keypad and cross your arms, holding your laptop to your chest. 

Then the most disturbing question crosses your mind:

Had Nicholas known? 

Had he known the whole time? Why didn’t he ever mention this? 

‘…just food for thought.’

Is this what Nicholas had meant? He’d told you months ago that the Wangs benefitted from the merger too. 

Your feet carry you to your office on autopilot while your mind wanders over these endless questions. 

You hated the idea of suspecting Nicholas since he had been nothing but nice to you and you found yourself making excuses for him already: maybe he hadn’t known, or maybe it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, or it totally didn’t make an impact on your relationship itself, which to some extent you acknowledged - whatever was between you hadn’t been because of some investor fuck-up that had occurred before your marriage. 

But perhaps this was the event that had led to the possibility of your relationship being proposed and accepted in the first place. 

Whatever had happened was the origin of everything. 

You sigh deeply. You needed more answers and you needed help. 

You find your phone and dial the person who might be able to help you. 

You wait while the phone rings, once, twice and it gets picked up. 

“Hey, what’s up?” 

“Hey, Jay. Listen man, I think I need your help.” you tell him. 

*

“There seems to be some discrepancy on the matter of who started it, but the Wangs definitely fell out with one of their investors.” Jay tells you, then takes a sip of his coffee. 

The two of you were sat in Jay’s apartment for Sunday brunch he’d cooked in your honour. You’d told him meeting for coffee would suffice since you didn’t want to burden him more than the favour you’d asked of him already but he’d insisted. 

You knew Jay well enough and you knew that there was probably a reason he’d insisted. About ten minutes after your arrival, he’s admitted it was so he could test out a new dish on you. You’d been right; your friend had his reasons and this time it was to turn you into a guinea pig. 

You nod, the facts aligning with what you already knew. “It wasn’t a very public incident though, was it?” you ask. “I couldn’t find very much when I researched it.” 

“That’s because there was an attempted media blackout. Wang Enterprises isn’t some small fry in the big, blue sea.” Jay explains. “I had to dig deep to get even this much information.” 

“So what happened after that? What about the internal disturbance?” 

“I had to ask around but I pieced together that because of the stock drop, the Board of Directors were getting antsy and threatened to clean out the top of the pyramid. They wanted new management and were probably going to make it happen.” Jay recounts. “It was actually this one guy, some Mr Choi that was the ring leader. You know him?” 

You think hard about all the people that you knew at Wang Enterprises. They had had some changes in staff since you and Nicholas had married but you couldn’t remember if one of them had been a Choi. 

You shake your head. “Not sure.” 

“Well, my contact said he had some kind of personal beef with the Wangs apparently, which is why he looked to pick a fight. Anyways, that’s really their business, but the point is, he was really gunning for the executive switch-up.” Jay continues. “Obviously that didn’t happen. Now, here’s the part you want to brace yourself for.” 

You close your eyes for a second. “Alright. Hit me.” 

“It seems word got around and your parents heard about it because they were seen being friendly with the Wangs at some dinner event, then they were seen at the company for a private meeting.” Jay says. “Not a lot of people knew about it, but I have a guy, who knows a guy, who’s dating a secretary at the Wangs’ and…I guess the rest is history.” he concludes. 

You pause, digesting the information. Your plate sits half-finished in front of you. Your appetite had disappeared with every word that you heard despite the mouth-watering meal that Jay had prepared. 

“Y’know…I’m not surprised.” you state. The tendency of your parents to swoop in like vultures or hyenas wasn’t a foreign concept to you. They were shameless enough to do it. You felt ashamed on their behalf though, reaping the benefits of their tenacity with your head hung low. It was only after you went to university that you felt you could straighten up through your own efforts. 

“I’m sorry, YN. I think they must have made the proposal to the Wangs when they were at their lowest.” Jay says. 

“They probably said yes because they were between a rock and a hard place. I just can’t believe this is the first I’m hearing of this.” you shake your head, as if your disbelief could make all this untrue. As if it could all disappear. “I should have asked more questions. I should have been more careful.” 

“Well, you didn’t know about it. Most people don’t know it ever happened. You can’t blame yourself for being set up.” you appreciate Jay for being comforting but it wasn’t really working right now. You were beyond angry with your parents for their dirty tricks. 

“I don’t know how to look at my parents. It’s like I’m being blindsided all over again.” you explain. You were as mad as the day that your parents had cornered you and forced you to sign the marriage contract. 

Over time that anger had receded but you’d never forgotten what they had done; all you could do was be civil and keep your family at an arm’s length. Being told that they threw you into the fire because the Wangs had a moment of weakness rather than because they were truly a worthy family for you to join hurt.

It was past all the thoughts of your parents’ gross behaviour that the question of what Nicholas would say occurred to you. You didn’t even know how he fit into all of this, besides being the unfortunate pawn of his own parents. 

“I know it sucks.” Jay snaps you out of your thoughts. “You really had no idea, huh? Nothing telling in the contract?” 

Alarm bells go off in your head. 

The contract. 

Had there been anything there? You couldn’t remember much from what you’d read all those months ago. What would that even look like? This wasn’t a legal situation, this was merely the circumstances leading up to drawing up the contract. Surely there was nothing? 

“I doubt it.” you say, but you don’t entirely believe it. “But I’m going to check anyway.” 

“You can check but is it worth checking?” Jay asks. He looks at you expectantly. You almost think he means something more by it. “The dealings between your parents and companies are one thing, but you and Nicholas being together are another. This doesn’t annul your marriage.” 

Or your feelings, you add.

“No, it doesn’t. But I also can’t ignore it, Jay.” you tell him. You sigh. 

You had to go home and scour that contract right away but you fought the urge and stayed with Jay a while longer, enjoying his company as you finished the meal he prepared. 

It’s mid-afternoon by the time you get home to an empty apartment. 

Nicholas must be with his friends. Good; you weren’t ready for any difficult conversations with him yet. 

Despite being a little overwhelmed by what you’ve learned in the past few days, you decide to push yourself and read through the contract after all. 

You sit down at the kitchen table with the contract - you’d been given a copy of the finished, signed document before your wedding. It had sat in the bottom of a drawer in your desk, as if it had never really existed in the first place. It had been out of sight and out of mind. 

You take your time with reading it, re-reading passages and cross referencing them with what you’d been working on during the merger. Nothing seemed weird until you got to the part of the document about your marriage. You’d made a fuss about section 4 the very first time you’d read it but that had been mostly out of desperation. 

You didn’t realise that it would actually contain a really important passage. 

Your heart skips a beat.

You think you’re imagining things.

You read and re-read the words over again, then whisper them out loud to try to make sense of them in any other way. They taste like poison. 

It was written strangely but you couldn’t mistake its meaning. 

You jump out of your chair, producing an ugly scraping sound against your floor, and stagger to the balcony, flinging open the door. 

The cool early evening air hits your cheeks and you gasp, trying to inhale as much of it as possible. You grip the cold metal railing and try to calm down.

This couldn’t be happening, not now, not when you loved him. Not when you couldn’t remember your life before him. 

Just as you’re melting down on the balcony, you hear the front door open and shut. 

Nicholas. 

“Shit.” you say out loud. You had to hand it to your husband - he had like the worst timing in history ever. 

You can’t help but panic; what were you going to say to him? How could you explain? What would he do? Did he know about the investor fallout? 

You let go of the railing, slowly stepping back into the living room. 

“YN?” you hear him call from the hallway. Nicholas enters the room, shrugging off his jacket. He stops short as soon as he sees you. 

You can’t imagine what you look like right now; the colour drained from your face, bleary-eyed and dazed. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately, walking slowly towards you. You hate the scared expression on his face, his usual relaxed demeanour gone.   

You look at him, then past him at the table where the contract was still laid out. 

He follows your line of vision and looks between you and the contract. 

“What is it?” he asks. You can’t figure out why you’re still hesitating. Maybe you simply can’t find the words to say it. 

Your throat feels dry and closed up but you try anyway. 

“We don’t have to be married any more.”  

~

memes as always :P

a/n: thank you for being here after so many months. i'll try my best to write the last couple chapters asap haha, thanks for reading, any feedback is always appreciated <3

*copyright 2021- © momobani 

[lululawrence]

Sus' 40 to 40 Countdown: 1 Day

Can you believe we finally got here?? The last countdown post to my birthday! The last random self rec of my own fics to not only celebrate my birthday but ten years of writing fics for this fandom! Just in time for @wordplayfics to kick off as well. What a time lol

Well! Thank you so much for being a part of the journey and having some fun with me over the last 40 days! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And now, the theme for my last rec is...

Fics I Am the Most Proud Of

I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) - Harry/Louis (soulmates, literal stars in human form, fantasy, magical realism, amnesia, song fic (inspired by Satellite), friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending)

Harry and Louis are literal stars who have known they were soulmates from their creation eons ago, however when Louis came to Earth to start the next phase of their fated future, he forgot everything. Even Harry.

This leaves Harry to break the rules and instead of waiting for Louis to call him and join him on Earth, he crashes down on his own. Without Louis there to guide him and help him learn how to adjust to having a human body and everything associated with that, Harry has no other choice but to do the best he can.

As Harry tries to correct what has gone wrong, he finds that friendship can be a light even in the darkest night, and through those bonds even separated soulstars can find their fated path once more.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) - Harry/Louis (omegaverse, asexual character, aromantic character, non-traditional dynamics, fake relationship, roommates, friends to lovers)

Louis is an asexual alpha, Harry is his aromantic alpha friend and possible roommate, and faking a relationship might be exactly what they need to get their families and friends off their backs.

The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded - Nick Grimshaw/Harry/Louis (established Tomlinshaw, friends to lovers, sexuality crisis, self-discovery, polyamory, polyamory negotiations, coming out)

The one where Harry moves to Washington DC to be a nanny and never expects that his past struggles with love will be brought to a head. He definitely never expects the solution to it all will be the man of his dreams that just so happens to be married to the other man of his dreams.

All 40 to 40 Countdown Posts

[19burstraat]

queering futurity in crooked kingdom

if I had any real time for this (I do not) I'd be tempted to write a real essay about it, but I have a dissertation and two other real essays for my actual degree, so let's do a bad tunglr bullet point analysis. I'm... largely generalising and paraphrasing here, and I suspect this has a billion things to iron out or that I forgot about, but I hope this might be a bit interesting regardless of how much you may or may not know abt queer literary theory lmao.

in extreme short, there is a subset of queer theory around what is, in essence, queer time. there is a heteronormative future/'futurity', and it is marriage, children, a good job, a nice house, and dying at a good age after a fulfilling life. queer* and trans people both reject and often cannot access this: plenty couldn't/cannot get married or have children, or had to surpass lots of obstacles to do so, many queer and trans people were or are killed young, or died prematurely in the aids crisis. and so we get queer temporality; a resistance to the heteronormative future that is refused or inaccessible, and to reproductive futurism; the concept that people value the future over the present... and this manifests in kicking back against things like the symbolic 'child' as a representative of futurity. not real children, but empty platitudes like think of the children! think of the future for your children! there can also be a development of a death drive, which is sometimes literal and sometimes metaphorical, which is, again, basically a rejection of 'the future'.

while the grishaverse doesn't have homophobia as such, you can still do queer readings, bc it is ofc influenced by our world, by virtue of being Written By A Person From Our World. and especially in kerch, there's still stuff like patrilineal inheritance... buuuut reproductive futurity & friends are very deliberately destroyed by the end of crooked kingdom. mostly by the usual culprit (taps sign that says IT'S KAZ AGAIN LOL) but by the narrative and the other characters as well. walk w me! I don't think this is a real analysis more just a lot of Thoughts but... nvm

*used here as an umbrella term since the theory I'm pulling from is the field of queer theory

the two men (van eck and rollins) who are most concerned with reproductive futurism (having heirs and a legacy, 'building something that will outlast them'), are promptly buried under the rubble of their building efforts by our usual culprit. kaz uses the mentality of legacy and lineage against them both; he kidnaps van eck's pregnant wife to use as a bargaining chip, and he uses rollins's son and heir against him, because he knows what's most important to these men is their line, their work being handed down. he deduces that rollins has a son through rollins' vanity around building something to 'last', and his naming of the kaelish prince. rollins is literally themed around monarchy and descent; the king of the barrel, the kaelish prince, the emerald palace. kaz, for his part, is the bastard of the barrel. the illegitimate son, not produced by any conventional family structure, ketterdam his mother and profit his father... and therefore he is the perfect person to blow up this imagined monarchy

wylan is rejected by van eck for his disability, for being supposedly incapable of continuing his father's legacy; and so we gather that the actual child doesn't matter to van eck, it's what The Child represented to him, which was the future of the van eck company. the illegitimate kaz restores van eck's disowned son to the succession through sheer trickery, and jan van eck's trading empire is succeeded by his son he attempted to reject, and his farm-boy barrel-tough boyfriend. they bring home the first wife that van eck had committed, for failing to produce the 'perfect' heir. no perfect heteronormative future here!

(also by virtue of wylan and jesper being a mlm couple, there is now way less emphasis that can be put on the idea of biological children 'continuing' the line, and it somewhat stops the expectation that ruined wylan's life from being passed down)

the two m/f couples are also very distant from this idealised reproductive futurity. matthias dies, ruining any idea of a 'conventional' future he could have had with nina, and while his death is generally more about the extremist brainwashing stuff explored w the drüskelle, it does blow to shreds that futurity even more, and nina's power is also a very literal HEY GUYS. LET'S THINK ABOUT DEATH... plus she leaves ketterdam to take matthias to be buried at the end of the book.

kaz and inej both do very dangerous jobs and separate for long periods of time. they may marry or they may not, they may have children or they may not, they may be physical with one another or they may not. it doesn't really matter; they'll try, but we don't get to find out how far they may or may not get, which honestly I kinda like. their future is open, the river running carrying inej to the sea. also, inej makes an explicit rejection of this kind of 'normal' future:

So he wasn’t fit for a normal life. Was she meant to find a kindhearted husband, have his children, then sharpen her knives after they’d gone to sleep? How would she explain the nightmares she still had from the Menagerie? Or the blood on her hands?

we don't really know whether or not kaz as a character is queer (I do not think kaz knows either lol) but it doesn't really matter, you can still read him as a queer figure both a) just if you want to! and b) in this sense of queer temporality, bc he's the crux of a lot of it. we already covered the bastard thing and his happy habit of kicking reproductive futurism when it's down, and as Edelman says: 'If the fate of the queer is to figure the fate that cuts the thread of futurity...' well, kaz 'build something new. watch it burn' 'he knew exactly what he was going to leave behind: damage' brekker is our man!

he does not give a single flying fuck about the future. he destroyed van eck and rollins' legacies, and he'll do that shit again. he doesn't have enough of an ego to consider a 'legacy' for himself besides destruction, which is a rejection of a legacy in itself. his plans for the future amount to fucking shit up and making a bunch of money to use to do more damage, until he gets shot/stabbed/hanged/drowned/whatever, which he constantly anticipates.

kaz also has a massive distrust and disdain for traditional family structures, because he's seen them crumble twice; his actual family are all dead, and the hertzoon con was built on creating a convincing family mode to lure them in. "my mother is ketterdam, she birthed me in the harbour; my father is profit, I honour him daily" is a sneer at paterfamilias type families where the mother is there to just give birth and the father is the head of the family, to be honoured and served, rather than loved. he also has zero sympathy for the 'think of the children!' thing, bc he knows it's disingenuous; who thought of him? no one. rollins was happy to con kids with the false promise of family and safety, and all the people he paid off were happy to turn the other way. was there no one to look after you? no, there wasn't. his mother is ketterdam: filthy, feral ketterdam. no nurturing mother has he!

So he threatens Alby and Hanna with no qualms, because while he doesn't actually ever intend to hurt children (...not physically anyway, apparently upsetting them is fair game FJJFJD), he knows the power of the threat— the idea of the child— is often more impactful than the actual act itself. ("Inej, I could only kill Pekka’s son once. He can imagine his death a thousand times.") it certainly works on rollins and van eck! he'll make you think of the damn children alright!

inej takes direct action to defend actual children, not just the idea of them, and then we hear in rule of wolves she's hated by the kerch government for it because she's fucking with their profits. (look also to how they flapped about searching for wylan, one rich man's kid, and are completely useless about hundreds of forced indentures. what a surprise...)

she reunites with her parents, but she worries persistently about whether or not they will accept her for who she has become, and we are never quite told whether or not they do. we like to think so, but we don't actually know. and although she gets to see her parents again, her future is on the wraith, not with them.

most people have dead or splintered families, actually. only inej has both parents, and for three - four years, they didn't have a daughter.

The general proximity to death in general is very potent; nina's power, kaz's whole backstory, the camping out in a graveyard. jesper's recklessness and love for fights, inej being ready to die rather than be a captiver again and kaz's response to that being 'not just yet', rather than not at all...

all following into the whole no mourners, no funerals thing!!! the fact that they know they won't be remembered or cared about if they die!!!

Edelman: 'Choosing to stand, as many of us do, outside the cycles of reproduction, choosing to stand, as we also do, by the side of those living and dying each day with the complications of AIDS, we know the deception of the societal lie that endlessly looks toward a future whose promise is always a day away.'

SOC:

Inej's mother and father might still shed tears for the daughter they'd lost, but if Inej died tonight, there would be no one to grieve for the girl she was now. 

“No mourners, no funerals. Another way of saying good luck. But it was something more. A dark wink to the fact that there would be no expensive burials for people like them, no marble markers to remember their names, no wreaths of myrtle and rose.”

pick up what I'm putting down guys please please I don't have time to tease this out properly but like. I think kaz and wylan are the linchpins here. (again)

[lyrisnightblood]

Dear "lovely" "canon Jiang Cheng Stans",

I see what you're doing here. I can see y'all talk about "book meta" and "writing Jiang Cheng as canonically accurate" and you know what?

Y'all are doing a fantastic job, keep it up 😍🎉

Yeah really! I mean it!

Y'all are doing a fantastic job showcasing just how utterly pathetic y'all are, how chronically online y'all are, and most importantly, y'all are doing a marvellous job showcasing your hate boner for a fictional character you claim to hate and is an "antagonist".

Keep up the lovely work y'all, show the world how you lack an ounce of reading comprehension, you booktok obsessed peeps!

And while you're at it, let me go spittin' facts, straight from the book.

Jiang Yanli is dead. End of the story. You can fantasize to your heart's content about how "she'll react to JC raising her son" and get your pants in a twist about all the bad things she'll supposedly say, but that's just it. You can only imagine it.

You know why?

Hmm idk cos she's fucking dead and no one knows what the dead wants?

This is exactly like "Don't do this your mother wouldn't have wanted this of you" "don't talk like you know my mother she's dead and i don't know what she wanted cos she's dead"

Well

I should've expected such callous behaviour from antis 🤷

Admit it, y'all wanted Wei Wuxian to raise Jin Ling huh? C'mon, don't be shy🥰 you can say that

Except your fave never could've raised Jin Ling cos 1) as if the Jin Sect would let their Sect heir be raised by the jianghu's most wanted person (Gasp, "wEi wUxIaN sLaNdEr" love check your books even wwx acknowledges that fact lolll) and 2) how tf could a dead man, no less a man who's soul got ripped into shards, take care of a baby?

"but Jin Guangyao was a better parental figure, and an actual parent"

Yeah, a parent who killed his own child cos he was worried about his reputation (I can already smell y'all coming at me to defend him like chill, I only said the truth, and yes, man was more worried about people knowing he married his sister and losing position than the life of his own son, just because he loved Rusong didn't change the fact that he was ready to go to the extreme). Not to mention how Jin Guangyao held a string to his own nephew's neck and threatened to kill him to save his skin while it was Jiang Cheng who begged him to let Jin Ling go

Betcha Jiang Yanli's ghost is watching the scene while sipping tea and praising Jin Guangyao huh

"but one of Jin Zixuan's cousin-"

Jin Zixun is dead. And is a truly despicable person. Or did you forget how he insulted Wei Wuxian left and right?

Oh wait. Of course you forgot, "criticizing" Jiang Cheng takes precedence! My bad, i should've known!

Let me stop y'all before you say "Jin Guangshan". You must be the utterly worst person in the planet to want a known womanizer and child abuser and rapist to raise a child. IDC Jin Guangshan is related to Jin Ling. Y'all just want a known abuser and sexual predator to raise Jin Ling just say you don't give two cents about the poor boy except when you want to hate on Jiang Cheng 🙄

"what about Jin Furen"

Yeah what about her? Or did you forget how she canonically had a role to play in Jin Ling's upbringing?

Who do you think is responsible for Jin Ling spending half a year in Lotus Pier? Certainly not Jin Guangyao!

If there was one person in the Jin Sect who could have enough sway to ensure that her own grandson is spending a significant amount of time in another sect, it's Jin Furen.

Three guesses why she did that?

Lol you actually thought I'd wait for your guess? LMFAOOOOO you're so cute 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

She did that because Jin Furen cared for A-Li and - wait for it - A-Cheng!!!

Reread the books if you missed it, mmkay?

She was fond of Yu Ziyuan, and by extension her children, and post-SSC, she offered to support both of them on multiple occasions (which they declined because any political support from Jin Sect would've come with strings attached cos JGS😑)

Establishing the fact that Jin Furen cared for Jiang Cheng, she had agreed to Jin Ling spending half his time in Lotus Pier because she sensed that he was all Jiang Cheng had left, and vice versa.

Y'all also have utterly forgotten about the cruel way Jin Ling's paternal cousins have bullied him for being an orphan. Like, Koi Tower is supposed to be his home, and he was bullied to the point where Lotus Pier became his sanctuary.

"AHA! GOTCHA! QIN SU SHOULD'VE RAISED HIM!"

Laughing My Fricking Ass Off TM

My man Qin Su was RIGHT THERE! No one was stopping her from raising Jin Ling! She could've been the maternal figure Jin Ling needed! And no one would have questioned it, it was actually expected for that timeline.

Except.... Did she? Did she do anything to make Jin Ling feel loved? Has Jin Ling ever talked about his aunt the same way he talks about his uncles? Apart from the respect that he gives to her as his paternal uncle's wife, does Jin Ling refer to her fondly? Even once?

"Alright, your point?"

Why thank you for asking 💗😌

My point is that Jiang Cheng is canonically the best guardian for Jin Ling, and this conclusion comes AFTER analysing every other candidate.

And you know what?

I am absolutely right🎉💗🌸😻

Evidence?

Exhibit A: Jiang Cheng accompanying Jin Ling's nighthunt to look out for him but also keeps himself at a distance so that Jin Ling actually participates in the nighthunt

Exhibit B: Letting Fairy enter Lotus Pier despite the strict dog ban (which he had adhered to even after wwx died)

Exhibit C: Jin Ling never once flinches or looks scared when Jiang Cheng shows his temper and says "I'll break your legs", he knows his jiujiu is all bark but would never hurt him

Exhibit D: "how dare you hit me? Even my jiujiu had never hit me!" - Jin Ling to Wei Wuxian (who btw oh so casually hits Jin Ling as if it's a normal thing to hit a child💀)

Exhibit E: "A-Ling! Who made you cry?" - Jiang Cheng when he saw a crying Jin Ling. No admonishment. No Judgement. And certainly no anger directed at Jin Ling.

Exhibit F: Jin Ling being unafraid to cry in front of his jiujiu, he knows he won't be judged.

Exhibit G: Jiang Cheng saving Jin Ling on multiple occasions.

Exhibit H: Jiang Cheng begging Jin Guangyao to take him hostage and release Jin Ling, without hesitation, despite his spiritual energy being locked and being stabbed in the chest.

I could go on and on and on but unlike you lovely people who have no hobby other than slandering Jiang Cheng, I have TONS.

And also a life.

So, go fantasize about your Jiang Cheng hate boner elsewhere. I see your pathetic attempt at taking over the Canon Jiang Cheng tag and it ain't working.

Ciao 🤟

[maoam]

sorry if youve already talked about this, but i wanted to get your thoughts on sasuke in these panels..maybe im looking too much into it and its not that deep, but i was rereading gaiden recently and i just feel like theres something here im missing. sakura even looks a little confused/worried in the bg. the way he talks is kinda cryptic, especially with how they put quotation marks around "cooperation". like?? am i crazy or is there something going on here. its like hes vaguely referring to something that only he and naruto know about. not to mention how sullen he seems...what do you think?

No you're not imagining it, Sasuke is clearly a bit sad and snidey here. Naruto looks taken aback by his words too, sweating nervously. Naruto didn't hesitate wanting to go with Sasuke and leaving his own family in the process, but Sasuke declined his offer.

It seems Kishi left it up in the air what's going on here, but clearly it's to show not everything is okay between these characters. Sakura is like a third wheel here, also very nervous.

Sasuke knows Naruto loves him, and Naruto knows Sasuke loves him. But Sasuke also knows Naruto felt hesitant and conflicted, with all the expectations and burdens on his shoulders. They both had even bigger responsibilities now after the war.

And while it's obvious Kishi wrote them to be in love, he can't say it too obviously, so he leaves these clues for us to patch together, to make some sense of why the hell are they married to Hinata/Sakura. He will leave implications that Sasuke never kissed Sakura, that Naruto doesn't want to go home even if Shikamaru could take over his mundane duties like counting on headbands. He will write some bimbo fangirls fawn over Naruto and Hinata walking in the park, talking about how they make a perfect couple because Naruto is the war hero/Hokage candidate and Hinata is the heiress of the Hyuga clan. Very shallow reasons, and we know how Kishi isn't too fond of fangirls. But those reasons make sense, considering NH marriage is appearance only, without the kind of deep love Naruto feels for Sasuke. Naruto settled for her, because that's what everyone expects from him.

And Sasuke isn't happy. But he loves Naruto, so he will stand by his side regardless. And in Boruto manga, there was the scene where Sasuke gave his headband to Boruto, and Boruto asked if it's okay, isn't this the symbol of the bond between you and my dad (which shows Kishi definitely didn't forgot, which some people might otherwise claim)? If you remember, at the end of chapter 699 Sasuke said he will keep holding onto it until him and Naruto finally settle things between the two of them. The chapter where Sasuke gave Boruto the headband and talked with him also had Sarada and Mitsuki at the same time talk about one's true, inner romantic feelings and being honest about them. Mitsuki suggested Sarada likes Boruto like that, and Sarada suggested the same about Mitsuki liking Boruto as well. Like? And Sarada also reminds us once again that Sasuke spends more time with Boruto than with her. Lol.

So yeah, that moment is just yet another clue to show Naruto and Sasuke aren't happy with their lives, but they are doing their best for the sake of the future. But since Sasuke gave away the headband, it feels like something is gonna happen...

[dayseedrawz2]

My thoughts on episode 3 + theories!!

I'll talk more about this on my YT, but for now here's a tumblr version

(SPOILERS BELOW)

Okay so starting off, my unfiltered thoughts throughout the episode

-They actually spend time together when outside the adventures aww! (Not like they really have a choice, but still neat-)

-Jax being a bitch

-"Zooble turns Straight" Welp, the whooooooole fandom was right!

-Bubbles reversed dialouge. Damn they really don't want those content farms no more.

-CAINE AN POMNI INTERACTION YEAAAA (It was one piece of dialogue I'm so delusional)

-He made this adventure JUST for Zooble cuz they never go and he really wants them to GUYS HES NOT A VILLAN SEE?

-Jax being a bitch

-LUIGIS MANSION REFRENCE FUCKING YESSS

-Wow the visual here are super pretty :o

-...and horrifying

-Jax being a bitch

-I haven't mentioned yet but the lil quirky powers or whatever are cool

-Wow the lore Caine writes for these stories is just like your average artist who torments their OCs (he so me fr)

-2D ANIMATION!!! Also Kinger and Pomni being like the funniest duo ever

-HOLY FRICKLE FRACKLE THEY DEFINITELY DID NOT WANT CONTENT FARMS TO FIND THIS EPISODE

-the monster is awesome looking tho

-THE THERAPY SESSION SEGMENTSS AAA

-Also Caine has a Trans flag hanging somewhere in the circus neat

-He forgot he could use his powers to just teleport Zooble to him lol

-Back to the spooky stuff

-Wow Kinger can actually use a gun! (Never thought I'd be saying that sentence-)

-KINGER AND POMNI GO TO ACTUAL HELL WHILE THE REST JUST HAVE A TEA PARTY WITH MARTHA

-Also JAX IS TIED UP BAHAHAHA

- "You know how men are, always having the silliest priorities..." "Heh, dont i know it!" I think the bunny doll shippers really like that scene

-Zooble has some sorta body dismorphia and has opened up about it to Caine multiple times seems like

-Uhh Caine... you okay buddy? CAINE YOU GOOD BRO? CAI

-CAINE HAS EMOTIONS/SELF AWARNESS CONFIRMED???

-Pomni gets fucking posessed ok

-now we know why it looked like kinger was hitting Pomni with the shotgun

-KINGER AND QUEENIE WERE MARRIED CONFIRMED???

-Father daughter bonding aww...

-I love how the whole fandom took one good look at Ragatha and went:

GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GA-

-also Pomni and Ragatha are on good terms now aww...

-Caine and Zooble Should Pass that pipe from ep 2 and legitemently vent to each other

-Jax is pissed because the Jester actually had a good fucking day for once lmao stay mad

-NOW WE KNOW WHY HE STAYS IN THAT PILLOWFORT IM GONNA FUCKIN CRY NOW

Overall, this was definitely my favorite episode so far! The team is getting better each and every episode! SOOO much happened here!! I'm super excited to see what happens next!!

Okay, THEORY TIME!!

-Okay so to start lightly, so far, all the episodes we've seen contain:

Gangles mask breaking

Jax breaks the 4th wall

A cute/sad heart to heart conversation or interaction

A reference to angels or god or Christianity in some way

Interesting right?? Wonder if this keeps up...

-On the topic of Christianity, I saw a theory saying that if it's true that the gang developed the game (which may be true because of that computer science line), When Pomni says "I knew it would end up like this... He just wants me to suffer..." she may not be referring to Caine, but her Boss at CnA.

If that boss exists and is NOT named able, Imma be mildly upset-

-Okay, Alot of people have been talking about Jax being an NPC, and I wanna bring up my opinion on this:

As I mentioned earlier, he always breaks the 4th wall, witch could be seen as a character in a game being like "What do YOU think?" *Insert Game Options here*

I saw another theory saying that if this is true, Jax might be self aware or sentient to some degree, and This is why he tortures everyone. He knows that this world Revolves around the players and nit him so he wants to make them more miserable.

-OKAY, NOW WHAT (I) WEVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... THE WHOLE DEAL WITH CAINE GLITCHING OUT AN' STUFF!

As one of many Caine angst connisuars on this platform, I really enjoyed this scene...

Caine knows that he only exists to make adventures and if he can't do it well enough than he serves ZERO purpouse and his existence is useless... (he's just like me fr)

This has SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR A SERIES FINALE.

Since in each episode we've (mostly) seen a character being comforted (mostly Either Pomni being comforted OR someone being comforted BY Pomni)

What if the last episode had Caine and Pomni having a heart to heart?

(Shutup this is not about showtime I swear let me have this-)

Someone abstracts, (Ragatha or Kinger probably,) and it's Caine's last straw. He finally breaks and the circus goes into ruins. Pomni does her best to comfort him. This could go one of two ways:

Either she sucseeds and happy ending for everyone :D

OR, they fail and The Circus is destroyed, Taking Caine down with it.

Maybe then that would be how they escape cuz if Caine is emotionaly attached to the circus, it would be completely destroyed or erased if Caine finally broke...

The angst potential is crazy...

This is terrifyingly close to what I wanted to do with R-M AU UHHH I MEAN-

Anywayyyy I believe that's all! If yall have anymore theories lemme know!!

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 24

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

This was a two part-two tea read LOL. I started this chapter right before my union meeting with a vanilla chai tea and now i'm ending it after the meeting with a chamomile lavender tea.

I finally feel like i'm coming out of my sick haze and hoping these flowers will knock me out tonight.

Let's get into the saddest fucking chapter I have read in a while- Bonus 24:

Shen Jiu breaks my heart. I hate it so much that all of the kids that were trafficked were given numbers for names. Like these kids probably had actual names but no one knows them. p81

I totally forgot until now that Yue Qingyuan was also one of the kids. I can already tell this chapter is going to ruin me. My heart hurts at the roles they had to play to survive. Yue Qi being the protector, Shen Jiu making money. pp82-83

omg. Shiwa was a snot nose, but the child did not deserve that at all (his face sliced). Who the fuck is this "youthful master" p85

fuck it's Qiu Jianluo.

And he would deserve it! I too would "swear to fuck the qiu family graves a hundred and eighteen times" p86 Qiu Jianluo is vile.

I think it's actually worse that he's only 4 years older than shen jiu. They're both children at this point but one is sadistic as fuck. This guy is so horrible. p88

uuugh. Okay. Going back a page, I just clocked something that has me feeling sad things. The fact that the only things Shen Jiu can write are "seven" and "nine" (his and Yue Qi's names :(((((( )and only because he saw someone (presumably his traffickers) write them. p87 I cannot with this boys life. It is truly so awful.

omg. and the rationale Qiu Jianluo has for making shen jiu marry his sister "so she wouldn't need to leave" p88 and the way he does it by threatening shen jiu's life pretty much constantly

someone, many chapters back, said I would be upset with the extras involving Shen jiu and they are not wrong. This is deeply awful.

I also dislike Wu Yanzi; this guy is terrible too. Shen Jiu really is a bad luck and terrible people magnet. pp92-93

Bless. As awful and shameful as stabbing someone in the back is, good on shen jiu for saving Yue Qi and ending this fight! p93

Oh gosh. Shen jiu really needs some therapy. this guy holds so much darkness and resentment. Like shit; the hatred he has for Liu Qingge literally just for existing and having a good life. p95

So. What I don't understand is how no one thought it was odd that one day SQQ wakes up and is totally different. This man went from Brothel Rewards Card Holder to "I have never so much as looked at a woman in my life" like HOW did not one know. p97

Yue Qingyuan to Shen Qingqiu about Liu Qingge "If you extend him a single share of kindness, he'll return it two-fold" p98 and he truly did. transmigrated shen yuan saved this mans life one time and the bro sold him his soul twice over.

oh poor trauma baby. The reason why he (SQQ) doesn't sleep in the dorms/disciples quarters hurt. p100

The guilt that Yue Qingyuan carries is heavier than the Catholic Church. My god. I totally get why this guy is always doing the most for SQQ. pp102-203

Oh no. Yue Qingyuan was defo the person who was fighting for their life in the cave while qi deviating attempting to leave it. This one hurts :((( Shen Qingqiu doesn't even know and he is not wrong p108 I just want to hug Yue Qingyuan.

ah, okay. This chapter is the original Shen Jiu's timeline not the prequel to Shen yuan version. I got so confused when part 6 started talking about the water prison and Shen Qingqiu killing Liu Qingge. pp109-110

oof. It truly sucks when a character has had a rough go and is struggling but refuses to allow themselves to be redeemed in any way. Shen Jiu feels like that for me. It's so upsetting. pp112-113

This is so tragic. Literally two seconds after I read the part where Shen Jiu tells Yue Qingyuan to get lost and had that thought about him refusing to be redeemed this part happens, "I thought you weren't coming" p114 my HEART at Shen Jiu thinking Yue Qi would never come back but he did :( and Yue Qingyuan still feeling the guilt and burden of not doing it when they were young.

Well that was fucking awful

This chapter ruined my life. No thoughts, only sadness.

[vodika-vibes]

Miscommunication pt 2

Summary: You finally get the date that Commander Wolffe promised you.

Pairing: Commander Wolffe x Reader

Word Count: 1692

Warnings: None

Songs: None

A/N: I saw a bunch of people asking for how the date went, and this is what I came up with. Also, how does one end short stories? I always feel like I need to write more, lol.

Divider by saradika

“So, let me see if I understand you correctly. Your Commander is planning on taking you on a date, in spite of the fact that he’s had a whole one conversation with you?” Your older sister asks over the com.

“You know, when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound like the best idea.” You grumble, “And we’ve talked more than just the one conversation.”

“Look, I get that the clones are fine, girl, but-oh, hold on,” Your sister turns away from the com, “Conner James! You might survive jumping off the railing, but you will not survive me!” She glares at someone off screen for a moment, and then turns her gaze back to you, “Where was I? Oh, yeah. I get that you’re lonely, but you can probably do better than someone who couldn’t talk to you.”

“It’s not like that. He was just a little shy. I can understand that.” You reply. “And I’m not lonely. I am literally surrounded by people all the time.”

Your sister sighs, “Look, I’m just worried about you. You’re my baby sister and, well, you don’t exactly have the best taste in men.”

“Not a baby, and also rude.”

“First of all, you’re always going to be a baby. Second of all, your last boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend.”

“Ex-best friend, and also that’s on him, not me.”

Your sister sighs again, “Just…be careful, yeah? I hate seeing you get hurt.” There’s a loud thump and a cry of pain, and she closes her eyes, “Now, I have to go and make sure my son didn’t just break every bone in his body…and then ground him until he’s grey.”

“You know you signed up for this when you married a trapeze-”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’ll talk to you later.” The com cut out before you could reply, and you lean back in your chair.

You suppose your sister does have reason to be concerned. After all, the last she knew, Commander Wolffe wouldn’t even look at you. But things are different now. 

Since his injury he’s been much more open with you.

When you’re on the Triumphant, he makes time to visit and talk to you daily. Even if that means that he’s eating a meal in your office while you process paperwork. 

You’ve come to cherish him as a dear friend, and more. Though, in spite of his claim of wooing you, he’s been nothing but respectful. The only hint that he might desire something more than friendship from you comes from the way his fingers linger on your arm or hand or shoulder.

It is infuriating, to put it mildly.

Everytime his fingers linge on your skin, it feels like electricity zips through your body. And he knows it.

Yes, he has an important job. And yes, he doesn’t have a lot of free time. But would it kill him for one kiss? Just a little one?

You release a sigh and pick up your com, absently tossing it from one hand to the other. You’ve been back on Coruscant for a whole week now, and Wolffe still hasn’t come through with his date.

You’re beginning to worry that he forgot. 

You set your com back on your desk, and eye your datapad critically. You have so much work that you need to do before the next deployment. Not to mention, the men in the Wolfpack need their physicals, which is on you to schedule, and you need to catch General Koon for his physical, and yearly inoculations need to be given-

You’re about to grab your datapad to start on all of that, when the doorbell chimes.

You frown and get up. You aren’t expecting any visitors. At least you don’t think you are. You open the door, and a bright smile crosses your face when you see who’s standing on the other side.

“Commander,” You lean against the door frame and fold your arms, “I didn’t know you knew where I live.”

“It’s in your file,” He has a small smile on his face and his mismatched eyes scan you, something you notice that he does whenever he’s in close proximity with you. “Which the General shared with me.” He pauses and his gaze meets yours, and then he lifts one of his hands, “I bring food.”

The scent of something delicious reaches you, and you suddenly remember that you’ve not eaten since lunch the day before.

“And I’m guessing you’ve not eaten since yesterday.” Wolffe continues with a knowing, and slightly exasperated, look on his face.

You laugh sheepishly, and move out of the way, allowing him into your home, “Well…I ate a late lunch yesterday and I wasn’t hungry for dinner.” You try to explain as you take the bags from him and move into the kitchen.

Wolffe follows you once he sets his boots on the shoe rack, “And why didn’t you eat breakfast?”

“Breakfast is for losers.” You reply as you pull plates and cups out of the cabinet. 

“If I said that to you, you’d be reading me the riot act.” Wolffe points out as he starts to pull containers out of the bags, “I got some of the pasta you prefer, with garlic bread.”

“Ooh, you know how to spoil a girl,”

“Well, apparently the way to a woman’s heart is through carbs and cheese,” Wolffe counters very dryly, and you start laughing, which puts a small grin on his face.

“Well,” You say, through your giggles, “You’re not wrong.” You favor him with a bright smile, “There’s drinks in the fridge. You can grab whatever you like.”

He watches you for a moment, something soft and fond crossing his face as you move around the kitchen, and then he walks over to the fridge and grabs two of the sodas in the door. 

Wolffe sets them on the table and starts divvying out the food on the plates you set on the table.

“It smells delicious, Wolffe. Thank you!” You look up at him, in delight, as you slide into your seat.

“You’re welcome,” He replies as he settles into the other chair. He’s quiet for a moment, and then he leans back, “I owe you an apology, mesh’la.”

“For what?” You ask.

“I promised to woo you,” Wolffe says slowly, “Unfortunately, that’s not something that was covered in my training.”

You smile at him, slow and warm, “Wolffe,” You say so gently, “You came to my apartment with my favorite food. This is perfect.”

“You deserve more,” He replies.

“Maybe, maybe not.” You shrug easily, “I like you, Wolffe. Not grand presentations. I’d like you just as much if you showed up with fast food from the place down the street.”

Wolffe is quiet for a long moment, and then he favors you with a warm and soft smile, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Well, I was selected to be the medic for the Wolfpack,” You joke.

“Most people wouldn’t think of that as a good thing,”

“I get to spend my days with you, what’s not to like?” A barely noticeable blush crosses Wolffe’s face, and you feel a surge of glee. Before you drop the conversation in favor of the food that Wolffe brought you.

Later, once the meal is finished, and you finished cleaning up, which Wolffe insisted on helping with, you’re tucked on the couch while Wolffe is looking at the pictures on your walls.

“Your family?” He asks, glancing at you from one of the bigger pictures.

“Mm. My older sister, her husband, and their son.” You reply easily, “They’re on…Dantooine, I believe, this month.”

He hums thoughtfully, “You're close to her,” Wolffe notes.

“Oh, yeah. She’s great. You’d like her, I think. She’s very no-nonsense.” You reply as you stand and walk over to him. 

“If she’s anything like you, I’m sure I will.” Wolffe replies, he glances at you, “I like you after all.”

You duck your head, a faint blush crossing your face, “Well, I like you too. So, I guess that’s fair.”

There’s silence for a moment, and then you feel warm fingers against your cheek, and he lightly taps your chin, tilting your face up to meet his, “Do you like me enough to let me kiss you?” He asks, his voice low.

“Yes!” You blurt embarrassingly quickly, and then you blush bright red, “Um…I mean…”

Wolffe laughs, and leans down, his nose brushing yours, “I’ve kept you waiting then?”

“I’m pretty patient,” You whisper in response.

He doesn’t say anything, just closes the distance between your lips, and slowly, tentatively almost, kisses you. You slide your hands up his chest, and wrap your arms around his neck.

He pulls away just for a moment, just long enough to make sure that you are still okay with this, and then he hooks his arm around your waist and he crashes his lips back against yours in a much more passionate kiss.

His lips are warm and soft and so, so inviting. And you can’t help but moan into the kiss as he pulls you flush against his body.

And when he breaks the kiss you let out a whine, which pulls a quiet, breathless, laugh from him. “You’re so…intoxicating,” He breathes against your lips, “But we need to stop for now.”

You pout at him, but slowly release him, and instead you rest your hands on his chest. He keeps you flush against him, his fingers flexing on your hip. “Do you need to leave?” You ask, your voice soft.

“No, I’m on shore leave.” He replies, “but we still need to stop.” His eyes close and he bumps his forehead against yours. “As much as I really, really don’t want to.”

“Well,” You hands slide up his chest and he groans, “If you don’t want to stop, and I don’t want to stop, then we can just not stop.” You point out logically.

He releases another groan, “You’re a terrible influence.” But his grip around your waist tightens, “Be my girlfriend?”

“Yes-” You’re unable to finish your sentence as his lips crash against yours again.

[yuurivoice]

with the new reveal in the the L+F episode, there have been some small timeline issues within the fandom’s understanding, which makes me curious

would you ever consider making some sort of online timeline (such as within carrd or another website making site) in order to avoid confusion?

I've been considering my options there. Having some sort of evergreen post SOMEWHERE at the minimum would be great.

My real goal is to have all of that sort of info on the channel proper, and have it logical and easy to find. I have some thoughts on how to accomplish that.

Situations like this one in particular are special cases because typically I circumvent the confusion by writing it into the script and adding clarity that way. But, cliffhanger. So even though within the next minute or two of the next episode you'd have all of that information..........we're looking at like...weeks or a month away from that actually happening for the audience.

I think where I fucked up this time was that I didn't really consider how we've had issues in Auron's content as well where it's been so long since the establishing of the context, they forget that like...certain events have happened in a specific timespan, and what events then happened after the fact. Currently, Lost & Found is the furthest ahead chronologically, in the Spring-ish of the new year that follows the events of BS3 + Auron's Escape series. It's not unreasonable for folks to have forgotten specifics like that because it has taken literally years for me to get here, so if I had really thought about it, I would have given a little more to work off of and re-establish some of that information.

But, fun fact......I decided to do this particular reveal on a whim. It felt right. I wasn't sure WHAT to do with the audio itself, I knew we'd see Casper's car for the first time, and I thought that Charlie couldn't actually be that dumb. Certainly not if he had enough time to start thinking too much about things. Then I was like......ya know? What if I just...did a little more than I thought I'd be doing with this audio.

There are quite a few bandaids that need to be pulled in terms of reveals and connections leading into Shattered. Felt like the right time for this one, and raise the stakes for everyone by marrying these two particular threads.

I've struggled particularly with how to convey that Auron hasn't been peachy between Christmas and Spring-ish times. I thought about diving right in but realized that people could be thrown off. I thought about adding some context on the front end of Shattered, but we're not quite there yet.

And while the hardcores have caught onto the brief, viney threads that connect Charlie to Auron at this time, being more deliberate about it right now at this time feels good.

I am very amused at the general reaction. So amused, that I wrote the bulk of the next episode last night right after the premiere, because this is too good not to capitalize on. lol

Edit: Forgot to add that I'm aiming to have my timeline solution in place for the Echoes of Evalas drop because we're going to run into the same exact issue with Evalas things. EoE takes place around Shattered in the timeline, but various Evalas spinoffs are years prior. So it's paramount that there is some sort of resource to point people towards. I've been thinking about creating a "Guide to YuuriVoice" playlist that would have a fresh channel trailer, series synopsis, broader timeline clarification, and whatever else might be needed that I can think of. I just need something to be finished for me to go ahead and get that rolling.

[melodic-haze]

Sorry for the Emilie question. I totally forgot to check the masterlist as I thought of it right around I woke up for some reason. Making me want to do it then before I forget. Anyways enough with my excuses. I promise not to do that again, and I deeply apologize once again. I will stub my toe as punishment.

For today, I made sure it's about someone you love. Yae Miko. She is apart of a publishing company and she writes light novels right? So do you think she uses her experience with you as huge inspiration for them? Imagine if uses Genshin's version of Tumblr to post and share her more risqué thoughts and idea in secret. Then you finding out and just asking stuff that you would like; just to give her the idea and use it on you irl.

As always, have a great day and even better luck. While I sit in my imaginary corner of shame for making such a critical mistake lol.

-🍎

NOOO DON'T FEEL TOO BAD 😭😭 it was an honest mistake it's okay 🫶 better to req someone I may actually write about rather than req smth Outlandish like a man (or even a chr written as a dom but that's more dependent on my mood tbf)

SHE ABSOLUTELY WOULD WRITE THINGS IN TEYVAT TUMBLR WITH YOU IN MIND YES 😭😭😭😭 JUST LOOK AT HER PUBLISHED FANFICTION OF RAIDEN FUCKING EI 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 she wouldn't outright state your name in her posts or anything like that, but she'd probably base things according to you. This is Especially True if we go meta and she writes fics for characters in Teyvat too, specifically characters that remind her of you

It's easy for Miko to just publish Pretty Please, Kitsune Guuji without a care in the world bc she's Ei's familiar and long-time friend (if they're not married dating in this case as well) therefore she doesn't even get a slap on the wrist 💀, but with you? OHHH ABSOLUTELY NOT she REFUSES to let you know she writes about you on the internet under an anonymous handle

I think she'd be rather open to her risqué thoughts ngl. She loves fun, and teasing you certainly is one way to have it 🫶 if it's something extremely left field, then she'd either keep it to herself or gently bring it up to you. What I personally think she'd hide from you is the more romantic thoughts she's had from time to time; think like having a picnic, staying in for a nice cuddle....hell, she'd post smth about a hypothetical scenario in which you're able to shapeshift and you can nap with your partner that way 💀 like girl you are NOOOOOT SLICK

You'd definitely have to ease her into actually acting out on them purposefully. You'd go on dates, yeah, but they'd probably be mostly her teasing you and being cryptic, with a little bit of romance at the end. She's been alone for so long, she thinks that such soft moments will stay as fantasies that she writes out 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it's worth it when you actually coax her out of that sad mindset though

If you were famous in Teyvat though she'd probably write 'headcanons' and stuff about you that are actually just your actions HAHAHAHAHAH