#they decided to get drunk

[crazydaymycrazyway]

Kayden: Was I really that drunk?

Jiwoo: The police were called because you were being too loud.

Kartein: Surely I did something-

Jiwoo: When they asked for your names, you pointed at your face and said "If you didn't identify this glorious face, you are unworthy of knowing the name the most handsome man to ever exist"

[doctorsiren]

The books reveal that Ford is actually a secret partier

(Available as a print on my Etsy Shop)

(wips under cut)

[vulcan-moon]

"he did not say that!" "he did, and then--"

anyways, girlies gossiping

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

yall like to pretend that "don't split up" is the most obvious rule in any horror scenario, but what's the alternative? stick together and cooperate ? to find a solution? in a life-or-death situation??? babe surely you have been in enough group projects to guess how that shit ends

[nelkcats]

Scamming the scammer

John Constantine was the biggest headache Danny had managed to get, ever. After becoming King he did not think that his first task would be to solve the man's soul problems.

And it seemed quite incredible to him that the hellbazer would consider selling his soul as if it were a used car that he wants to get rid of to buy a new one. He was aware that he needed a soul, wasn't he? That it was not possible to buy a new one? Because he didn't want to be the one to inform him if that was not the case.

To top it off, beings from different domains within his kingdom came explicitly to claim the British's soul, which didn't even make sense, there were thousands of souls! Why did everyone want the same one? And why did he have to be the one to take care of it?

Completely frustrated, he placed all the paperwork for John Constantine in an empty room and locked the door. He smiled as he came up with a plan to improve the situation, it might be worth it.

That's how a drunk John Constantine found himself signing a dubious contract in exchange for the power to turn any liquid into beer, he didn't bother to read the contract, most demons just wanted his soul and this guy looked so human, with a presence so light it must be a minor demon for sure.

This turned out to be a bad decision when the next morning he found himself trapped in a room full of documents, the door locked. Taped to the door was a green note that said "Enjoy doing your own paperwork sir, I hope you're pleased with yourself", and well, maybe he should have read that contract after all.

[yb-cringe]

what happened 😭😭😭

the most dramatic shit youd ever imagine

[horribluh]

hilarious mpreg zosan thought, sanji has a kid that has green hair but its not zoros kid. he has in fact never disclosed who the other father was (choose ur own adventure dead beat dad edition) and his siblings already have amazing technicolour hair so its not outside the realm of possibility for his biological children to also have weird hair colours. but when the kid pops out with green hair everyone immediately connects the dots that hey, doesnt the strawhats first mate that sanji famously doesn't get along with also have green hair? is this why sanji never said who the other father was? hes a fucking dead beat! get his ass!

this misconception integrates into everyones mind bc it makes too much sense to not be true and everyone is suddenly deadset on "protecting sanjis honour" and making zoro "take responsibility"

sanji is screaming crying throwing up disgusted bc no!!! the shitty mosshead is not the father!!! stop saying that!!!! but since he still wont say who the actual father is, everyone is just like its ok sanji, you dont have to defend a deadbeat even if he is your crewmate and sanji has no choice but to kill himself and also zoro for daring to have green hair

when the strawhats show up for sanjis baby shower they also unanimously come to the misunderstanding that sanji and zoro totally boned. franky goes as far as to call the kid mini marimo. brook makes a hundred innuendos, chopper is upset at the implication of them having unsafe sex, and robin alludes to "knowing all along" in a very ambiguous way. usopp is the only one who refuses to connect the dots and he is sanjis favourite strawhat fr. jinbei pats sanji on the back and says he hopes they work through their differences for the sake of their kid. sanji is dying, youre killing him, you're killing your cook

even more shenanigans ensue when zoro shows up 3 whole days late to the baby shower and is gaslit into thinking hes the father by everyone in attendance despite being Pretty Sure that he and sanji never fucked. zeff gives a pretty good shovel talk and nami gives an even better one (debt increment is involved) while zeff nods approvingly behind her and then luffy slingshots in all parents should be married right? and doesnt wait for an answer

anyway, like 2 hours later zosan find themselves standing at a makeshift altar on the thousand sunny, saying their vows. sanji insists to the very end that zoro is not the father so they dont need to get married but alas luffy isnt giving him a choice in this (he wants to eat wedding cake)

to sanjis eternal despair, the kid grows up to really like swords

additional zosan thought, sanji does not help things by shouting "this is all your fault!" the moment he sees zoro. zoro is futher gaslit

[jeannemarythefourth]

my take on the programming for mercymorn’s 24 minute funeral:

00:00 to 00:30: greetings and hellos.

00:31 to 1:00: viewing of the body.

01:01 to 02:30: gideon’s funeral speech. he can say whatever he’d like, but it cannot be longer than a minute and a half.

02:45 to 05:00: john’s funeral speech. pre-written; time is allowed for 25 seconds of free-styling at the end.

05:15 to 08:34: the playing of landslide by fleetwood mac. mercy hated this song, and hated every time john tried to play pre-resurrection music for the gang; she included it in her funeral so that john can never listen to it again without being reminded of said funeral and her continuing deadness.

09:00 to 12:00: cremation and mourning. if augustine doesn’t cry, someone is required to pinch his arm until he does.

12:01 to 20:00: the afterparty. mercy has calculated exactly how much alcohol is required to get each attendant perfectly wasted, and requires beverages to be consumed at intervals specific to each individual to fulfill this. limes MUST be cut prior.

20:01 to 20:45: john’s drunken teary speech. not pre-written, but gideon is required to cut him off at the 45 second mark

20:46 to 22:30: attendants must go beyond wasted and into blackout territory.

22:31 to 23:30: augustine’s speech. not pre-written; john is required to cut him off at the 1 minute mark

23:31 to 24:00: formal goodbyes

24:01 to infinity: mercy’s continuing deadness

[box-dwelling]

Honestly my personal Shadowzel head canon is that shadowheart is uming and arring about catching strong feelings in a friend with benefits weird situationship because lae'zel doesn't seem to want more, while lae'zel is convinced she is with the love of her life.

This is mostly on Shadowheart for not bothering to work at a cultural barrier but it's also a little on Lae'zel who refuses to use any terms of endearment that aren't in Githyanki, a language she mostly switches to in order to insult people.

[corsairspade]

Halenthir scenario where they get married for tax benefits (in a platonic good friends sort of way) and fall in love long distance via sending each other letters with ideas on how to best leverage their marriage for tax evasion.

[askblueandviolet]

Nice date ya'll have going on.

...

When's the smooch coming?

[unknownbard]

Chapter 9 - The one where they get positively sloshed.

[vaguely-concerned]

varric giving rook his shaving mirror to keep kind of hits different when your rook is a trans man I have to say

[xxplastic-cubexx]

thinkin bout magneto's lil list of aliases from that One Shot of his government file or w/e in 97 and how it lists the three main men who've played him (David Hemblen, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender) and kinda cackling at the idea 1.) if they included All his names 2.) having 'michael' on that list twice

[girlishwhimsies]

modern two bit got a tramp stamp when he was drunk once i will not take criticisms thank you

[therealraewest]

Dungeons and Dragons movie is just everybody wants to adopt Chris Pine's kid which honestly is super in-character for party members interacting with an adorable child NPC