#they can suck and they can hurt you but you can get a new one and you should drop one if you don't trust them
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HI
idk if your requests are open but i really like your writing and i thought just asking couldn’t hurt 🙈
you can ignore if you dont want to hehe
but i was wondering if you could maybe write smut with sub!reader and mommy!agatha? like maybe they work together or something but mainly smut please 😇. can reader be a little bratty too perhaps 👀 ?? but like mommy agatha knows how to put her in her place 🙈🫠 hehe
thank you very much!
It's written a bit choppily, but I hope you like it)
Miss Carter
You're filming a new movie with Agatha and you've already gotten on her nerves with your behavior.
Warnings: Smut, Power dynamics, Mommy kink,
Later that evening, you found yourself in the dim glow of a bar near the set, nursing a cocktail and replaying the day’s events. You hadn’t expected to see her again so soon, but there she was—walking in like she owned the place, still dressed in her Miss Carter costume, though her blouse was now unbuttoned at the collar, revealing the barest hint of collarbone.
She spotted you instantly, her eyes narrowing slightly as she approached.
“No entourage tonight?” she asked, sliding onto the stool next to you.
“Didn’t think I’d need one,” you replied, your smirk returning. “What brings you here, Miss Carter?”
Her lips quirked at the name, but there was no humor in her gaze. “Don’t start.”
“Start what?”
“That thing you do,” she said, leaning closer. “Where you push and push until someone snaps.”
“And what if I want you to snap?” The words left your mouth before you could stop them, but you didn’t regret them. Not when you saw the way her pupils darkened, the way her chest rose and fell just a little faster.
Agatha didn’t respond—not with words, anyway. Instead, she reached out, her hand tangling in the front of your blouse. She pulled you close, her breath hot against your ear as she whispered, “Do you always get what you want?”
You turned your head, your lips brushing the corner of hers. “If I work for it.”
Her kiss was sudden, ferocious. It wasn’t playful or teasing—it was possessive, her lips crashing into yours with enough force to make you gasp. Her hand tightened in your blouse, pulling you closer as her teeth nipped at your bottom lip.
When she pulled back, her breathing was ragged, her eyes blazing. “Come with me,” she ordered, her voice low and commanding.
*********
The hotel room was a blur of tangled limbs and frantic hands. Agatha pushed you against the wall, her body pressing against yours as her lips found your neck. Her teeth scraped your skin, just enough to make you shiver, and her hands slid under your blouse, her fingers grazing bare skin.
“You’ve been driving me fucking insane,” she growled against your ear. “You and that mouth.”
You opened your mouth to respond, but her fingers slid between your lips, silencing you. “Suck,” she ordered, her tone leaving no room for argument.
You obeyed, your tongue swirling around her fingers, your eyes locked on hers. The intensity of her gaze made your knees weak, and when she finally pulled her fingers free, her lips crashed into yours again, swallowing your moan.
“Good girl,” she murmured, her voice dripping with approval. “Now let’s see how well you follow the rest of my instructions.”
Your pulse thundered in your ears as her lips claimed yours, rough and demanding, her teeth catching your bottom lip before her tongue swept in. The kiss was a battle, a clash of wills, and when she finally pulled back, you were gasping for air, your lips swollen and slick.
"Take it off," she commanded, tugging at your blouse impatiently. Her voice left no room for argument, and your hands moved automatically, unbuttoning the garment with trembling fingers. Her eyes never left yours, even as the fabric slipped from your shoulders and fell to the floor.
She let out a soft, almost predatory hum as she drank you in, her gaze trailing over the lacy bra barely covering your chest and the curve of your waist. “You’re going to call me mommy tonight,” she said, her tone cool, authoritative. “Understood?”
“Yes, mommy,” you whispered, the words sending a jolt of heat straight through you. Her lips curled into a pleased smirk, and before you could catch your breath, she pressed you harder against the wall, her thigh slipping between yours.
Agatha’s hands were everywhere—rough, possessive. One slid up your stomach, cupping your breast through the lace, her thumb circling your nipple until it hardened beneath her touch. The other traced the line of your hip before moving to your thigh, gripping it firmly as she pressed her leg against your core. The friction made you whimper, your hips moving instinctively to grind against her.
"Pathetic," she teased, her voice dripping with mockery as she pinched your nipple sharply, making you gasp. "I’ve barely touched you, and you’re already so desperate. Do you want me to make you beg, or are you going to behave?"
“I’ll behave,” you managed, your voice shaky, though the fire in your eyes challenged her. You saw her grin, wicked and knowing, before she stepped back, leaving you cold and aching in her absence.
"On the bed," she ordered, her voice sharp. You scrambled to obey, the sheets cool against your heated skin as you lay back, your legs slightly parted in silent invitation. Agatha watched you for a moment, her expression unreadable, before crawling onto the bed like a predator closing in on its prey.
Her hands slid up your thighs, pushing your skirt higher until it bunched around your hips. She let out a low, approving hum at the sight of your damp panties, her fingers hooking into the waistband and pulling them down slowly, deliberately, leaving you bare and exposed.
"Look at you," she murmured, her tone laced with condescension as her fingers trailed along your inner thigh. "So eager, so wet. Is this all for me?"
“Yes, mommy,” you breathed, your hips lifting slightly, silently begging for her touch.
Her fingers brushed against your slick folds, featherlight, teasing. "Good girl," she said softly, her tone a stark contrast to the sharp edge of her next move—two fingers sliding into you without warning. Your back arched off the bed, a cry escaping your lips as she set a slow, deliberate pace, her fingers curling to hit that perfect spot inside you.
"Shh," she cooed, her free hand moving to your mouth, her fingers pressing against your lips. "Suck."
You obeyed instantly, your tongue swirling around her fingers as she thrust into you, the wet sounds of your body mixing with your muffled moans. Her eyes never left yours, her gaze dark and possessive, and when she finally pulled her fingers from your mouth, they trailed down your chin, leaving a glistening trail.
“Bet you taste so sweet,” she murmured, leaning down to kiss you, her tongue sweeping into your mouth. When her kisses moved lower—down your neck, across your collarbone, and over the swell of your breasts—you were trembling beneath her.
Her mouth closed around your nipple, her tongue flicking against the sensitive peak as her teeth grazed it lightly. One hand continued to work between your legs, her fingers pumping in and out of you with devastating precision, while the other gripped your hip, holding you in place as you writhed beneath her.
"Stay still," she ordered, her voice firm. "You don’t move unless I tell you to. Understand?"
“Yes, mommy,” you gasped, biting your lip to stifle a moan as her fingers pressed harder, faster, the heel of her hand grinding against your clit. The pleasure was overwhelming, building like a storm inside you, and when she suddenly pulled her hand away, you nearly sobbed at the loss.
"Not yet," she said, her smirk returning as she kissed her way down your stomach, her hands gripping your thighs and spreading them wide. "You don’t come until I say so."
Her breath was hot against your core, and when her tongue finally made contact, you cried out, your hands fisting the sheets. She was relentless, her mouth devouring you like she was starving. Her tongue flicked and circled your clit, alternating with long, slow strokes that left you shaking.
“Please,” you whimpered, your hips bucking despite her earlier command. “Please, mommy—”
Her nails dug into your thighs, holding you still as she pulled back just enough to speak. "What did I say about moving?"
“I’m sorry,” you gasped, your chest heaving. “I’ll be good, I promise.”
"See that you are," she said, her tone sharp as her mouth returned to you. This time, her fingers joined her tongue, sliding back inside you and curling just right. The combined sensation was too much, and you teetered on the edge of release, your body tense, trembling.
"Don’t you dare," she warned, her voice muffled against your skin. But you couldn’t help it—the pleasure crashed over you, white-hot and blinding, and you cried out as your body convulsed beneath her.
Agatha sat back, her lips glistening, a dangerous smile on her face. "I didn’t say you could come," she said, her tone deceptively calm.
“I—I couldn’t stop,” you stammered, your voice shaking.
Her hand shot out, gripping your chin and forcing you to look at her. "Then I suppose I’ll have to teach you some discipline," she said, her eyes gleaming with wicked intent. "Turn over. We’re not done yet."
And as you obeyed, your heart pounding with anticipation, you knew this was just the beginning.
You turned over as instructed, the cool sheets brushing against your bare chest, your body still trembling from the orgasm she hadn’t permitted. Agatha’s presence loomed behind you, her hands resting firmly on your hips, holding you in place. Her nails dug into your skin just enough to make you gasp, her touch a warning of the control she wielded.
“Did I tell you to come?” she asked, her voice low and sharp, like the edge of a knife.
“No, mommy,” you murmured, your cheek pressed against the bed, your breathing uneven.
“No,” she repeated, almost to herself, her tone dripping with mockery. Her hands moved up your back, tracing the curve of your spine before sliding back down to your ass. She gave it a sharp slap, the sound echoing in the room, the sting making you yelp.
“You need to learn some self-control,” she said, her voice firm. “And I’m going to make sure you remember this lesson.”
Her hands parted your thighs, spreading you open for her, and you shivered under her gaze, feeling completely exposed. You could feel her breath on your skin, her lips brushing over the curve of your ass, her tongue darting out to tease the sensitive skin just below. She was taking her time, savoring every moment of your vulnerability.
“Such a good view,” she murmured, her voice thick with satisfaction. Her fingers slid through your folds, teasing your sensitive clit just enough to make you whimper, but not enough to push you toward release. “Do you feel how wet you are? All of this because you can’t behave.”
Her hand moved lower, her fingers slipping into you once more, slow and deliberate this time. You moaned, your hips jerking involuntarily, but her other hand pressed down firmly on your lower back, pinning you in place.
"Still," she barked, her tone brooking no argument. "If you move again, I’ll stop. Do you understand?"
“Yes, mommy,” you whispered, biting your lip to hold back the noises threatening to spill from your throat.
Her fingers moved inside you with precision, her pace maddeningly slow. She alternated between thrusting and curling them, hitting that spot that made you see stars. Her thumb brushed over your clit occasionally, sending jolts of pleasure through you, but she always pulled back before you could get too close.
"You don’t come until I say you can," she said, her voice dripping with authority. "Let’s see if you can follow orders this time."
You clenched the sheets in your fists, your body taut with the effort of holding yourself back. Every nerve in your body was on fire, her touch both heaven and hell, pushing you closer and closer to the edge only to pull you back.
Just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, she stopped, her fingers slipping out of you. You let out a frustrated whimper, your hips bucking slightly in protest, but her hand came down on your ass again, harder this time.
"Did I say you could protest?" she snapped, her nails digging into the flesh of your hip.
“No, mommy,” you whimpered, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes from the sheer intensity of it all.
“Good,” she said, her voice softening slightly. “You’re learning.”
You felt her shift behind you, her weight settling on the bed. Then her hands were on you again, spreading you open, and her tongue replaced her fingers. The wet heat of her mouth against you made you cry out, your body arching despite her earlier warnings. Her tongue flicked over your clit, teasing and taunting, before sliding down to taste you fully.
She devoured you like a woman starved, her hands gripping your thighs to keep you in place as her tongue worked relentlessly. The pressure built again, stronger this time, and you bit down hard on the sheets, desperate to hold back.
“Mommy, please,” you begged, your voice breaking. “I can’t—”
“Yes, you can,” she said, her voice muffled against you. “You’ll hold it until I tell you to let go.”
Her fingers joined her tongue, sliding into you once more, her pace quickening. The dual sensations were overwhelming, and your body trembled uncontrollably beneath her. Your breaths came in short, ragged gasps, and tears streamed down your face as you fought to obey her command.
“Now,” she said suddenly, her voice sharp and commanding. “Come for me. Now.”
The release hit you like a tidal wave, crashing over you with an intensity that left you sobbing into the mattress. Your body convulsed, every muscle tensing and releasing as the pleasure tore through you. Agatha didn’t stop, her tongue and fingers prolonging your orgasm until you were a shaking, incoherent mess.
When she finally pulled away, you collapsed onto the bed, utterly spent. She sat back, her hands running over your trembling thighs, soothing you as you tried to catch your breath.
“Good girl,” she murmured, her voice soft now, full of pride. “You took your punishment well.”
You slowly rolled over onto your back. Even as the aftershocks of your orgasm left your limbs trembling, a fresh pulse of need stirred deep inside you. She must have felt it—the way your breath hitched, the subtle shift of your hips—because she tilted your chin up, her dark eyes locking onto yours with a smirk that promised no mercy.
“You’re insatiable,” she murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair from your damp forehead. Her voice was soft, almost amused, but her fingers tightened their hold on your chin, her control as absolute as ever. “It’s adorable.”
“I just want—” you started, but the words faltered under her gaze. Want? Need? Whatever it was, it burned hot and undeniable.
“You want whatever I give you,” she interrupted, her thumb brushing over your swollen bottom lip. “And you’ll take it, won’t you?”
“Yes, mommy,” you breathed, the words a plea and a promise all at once.
Her smile widened, wicked and knowing, as she shifted her weight to straddle your hips. Her blouse hung loose now, unbuttoned completely, and her skirt rode up high on her thighs. The sight of her above you—dominant, unyielding—was enough to make you moan softly, the sound slipping out before you could stop it.
“Such a needy little thing,” she mused, rolling her hips against yours with agonizing slowness. “I could keep you here all night, begging for it, and you wouldn’t complain, would you?”
“No, mommy,” you whispered, your voice trembling with anticipation.
Her hands slid down your body, dragging over every curve, every dip, until they reached your thighs. She pushed them apart with a firm insistence, her nails grazing your skin just enough to make you shiver. She settled between your legs, her hands pressing your thighs wide open as she leaned down, her lips brushing against your ear.
“I think I’m going to enjoy ruining you,” she whispered, her breath hot and teasing. “Piece by piece.”
Your response was swallowed by a gasp as her mouth moved to your neck, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin before biting down just hard enough to leave a mark. She kissed and nipped her way down your body, her hands following the path of her lips, leaving no part of you untouched.
When her mouth reached your chest, she paused, her eyes flicking up to meet yours as she hooked her fingers under the lace of your bra. “Off,” she ordered, sitting back slightly to give you room. You scrambled to obey, your hands fumbling in your haste to remove the garment.
“Good girl,” she murmured when you tossed it aside, her voice thick with approval. Her tongue flicked against you, slow and deliberate, while her fingers pinched and rolled your other nipple, the combination making you arch into her touch.
The sensations were overwhelming, but she didn’t stop. Her kisses moved lower, down your stomach, each one deliberate, leaving a burning trail in their wake. When she finally reached your core, she paused, her breath hot against your slick skin as she looked up at you with a smirk.
“Do you think you deserve this?” she asked, her voice dripping with mockery.
“Yes, mommy,” you whimpered, your hips shifting involuntarily, seeking contact.
“Hmm.” She pressed a single, maddeningly light kiss to your clit, making you gasp. “I’m not convinced.”
“Please,” you begged, your hands gripping the sheets as you fought the urge to reach for her. “Please, mommy, I’ll do anything.”
“Anything?” she echoed, her lips quirking in amusement. She leaned in again, her tongue flicking out to taste you, one slow, deliberate stroke that left you trembling. “Prove it.”
You didn’t have time to ask what she meant. Her tongue worked against you, relentless and precise, alternating between soft, teasing flicks and firm, demanding pressure. Her fingers joined the mix, sliding into you with practiced ease, curling just right to make you cry out.
You were a mess of moans and gasps, your body writhing beneath her as she brought you to the brink again and again, only to pull back just before you could fall. It was torture, exquisite and unbearable, and by the time she finally let you come, your scream was muffled only by your fist pressed against your mouth.
She didn’t stop. Even as your body shook with the aftershocks, she continued, her tongue and fingers driving you higher and higher until you were begging her to stop, your voice broken and pleading.
“Shh,” she cooed, finally pulling away. Her face was glistening, her lips red and swollen as she climbed back up to kiss you. The taste of yourself on her tongue was intoxicating, and you moaned into her mouth, your hands gripping her waist to pull her closer.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” she murmured against your lips, her voice soft for the first time all night. “Completely undone. Mine.”
“Yours,” you agreed breathlessly, the word carrying a weight you couldn’t quite put into words.
She smiled, her fingers brushing your cheek before she pressed another kiss to your lips. “Good girl.”
Agatha pulled you upright, her strength catching you off guard as she dragged you into her lap. Her skirt had ridden up completely, revealing smooth thighs that parted slightly as she adjusted you, her hands gripping your hips with bruising force. The heat between your bodies was electric, her eyes dark and dangerous as she pulled you flush against her.
"You're going to ride me now," she growled, her voice low and commanding, her fingers biting into your flesh. “Show me how much you want it.”
You whimpered, your breath catching as you felt it—her strap, thick and unyielding, already pressed against your entrance. You hadn’t even seen her put it on, but the realization sent a thrill down your spine. She shifted beneath you, angling her hips just right, the tip of the toy teasing your slick folds.
"Look at you," she purred, her lips brushing against your ear. "Dripping down my thigh already, like the needy little slut you are."
“Mommy,” you moaned, your voice trembling as your hands gripped her shoulders for support.
“Go on,” she said, her tone a delicious mix of mockery and command. “Sink down on it. Take me like the good little whore I know you are.”
Your body obeyed instinctively, your breath hitching as you lowered yourself onto her, inch by inch. The stretch was perfect—almost too much—but the way Agatha’s hands guided you, steady and possessive, made it impossible to stop. By the time you were fully seated, your legs were trembling, your body taut with need.
“Fuck,” Agatha hissed, her eyes locked on where your body swallowed her. She rocked her hips upward, a sharp thrust that made you cry out, your nails digging into her shoulders.
“Ride me,” she demanded, her voice rough. “Show me how badly you’ve been wanting this cock.”
You moved tentatively at first, your hips rolling in a slow rhythm as you adjusted to the fullness of her. But Agatha wasn’t having it. Her hands gripped your ass, guiding you with rough, forceful movements, driving you harder onto her strap. Each thrust made your body jolt, your moans spilling freely into the air.
"That’s it," she growled, her tone dripping with approval. "Fuck yourself on me. Let me see how desperate you are."
Your pace quickened, your movements growing frantic as pleasure coiled tight in your belly. Agatha’s nails raked down your back, her teeth grazing your neck before she bit down hard enough to leave a mark.
"Such a greedy little slut," she spat, her voice thick with lust. “Look at you, using my cock like you can’t get enough. You’re fucking pathetic.”
“Yes, mommy,” you gasped, the sting of her words only spurring you on. “I need it—I need you.”
"Yeah?" she taunted, her lips curling into a wicked grin. "You need me to fuck you like the worthless little whore you are?"
“Yes! Fuck—yes,” you cried, your movements growing erratic as her hands controlled your every motion, slamming you down onto her over and over. The sound of your bodies colliding was filthy, echoing in the room along with your broken moans.
Agatha shifted suddenly, her arm wrapping around your waist as she flipped you onto your back, keeping the strap buried inside you. Her hips snapped forward, pounding into you with relentless force. The new angle had you screaming, your nails clawing at her back as she fucked you mercilessly.
“Take it,” she growled, her voice rough and breathless. “Take every inch like the good little slut.”
Your legs wrapped around her waist, your heels digging into her ass as you matched her rhythm, the pleasure overwhelming. Her hand snaked between your bodies, her fingers finding your clit and rubbing it with ruthless precision.
“You’re going to come on my cock,” she hissed, her eyes blazing as she watched your face contort with ecstasy. “And when you do, you’re going to scream my name like the obedient little slut.”
“I—I can’t,” you stammered, the sensations too much, too intense.
“Yes, you can,” she snapped, her thrusts never faltering. “You don’t get to decide. I do. Now fucking come for me.”
Her words were your undoing. Your body shattered beneath her, your orgasm tearing through you like a wildfire. You screamed her name, your voice raw and desperate as your nails left marks on her skin. Agatha didn’t slow, driving you through the waves of pleasure until you were shaking, your mind blank and your body spent.
When she finally stopped, she leaned down, her lips brushing against your ear as she whispered, “Good girl. You belong to me now.”
#agatha harkness x fem!reader#agatha harkness x reader#agatha x reader#agatha x you#agatha harkness x you#agatha harkness smut#agatha smut#agatha all along
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୨୧ Poly!7Dream x Jisung ୨୧
| pairing: Poly!7Dream x sub!Jisung x Dom!gn!Reader
| warnings: 18+ MDNI. NSFW link. Orgy activities. MLM behavior. Corruption kink. Bondage. Nipple play. Forced orgasms. Overstimulation. Two instances of tickling (I’m personally not into tickling, but it was applicable here…… This won’t be a common thing in my fics tho).
| words: 3.6k
| aurora's note: squad, this was supposed to be about 500 words max......... idk what happened........... for my followers, this goes into the sooah au... for those who are new, welcome lmao <3
"You can hold my hand, baby, it's okay."
Jisung could be frustrating from time to time. His dedication to his job made it difficult to find free time where all seven boys and yourself were available to hang out and spend quality time together. The boys were always so busy... Mark and Haechan were out of the country more often than not, and with 127 schedules going on the back burner, the Dreamies were so busy that they were hardly home with you anymore, and that sucked-- It hurt, and they all knew that. When they were home, they tried to make the most of it, showering you with love and attention so that you had enough love in your heart and good memories to last until the next time they'd be able to hang out with you. But Jisung... He was pressuring himself too much again, constantly practicing around the house, going to the office on free days for extra help from his vocal coach or his choreographer, and he was at the office before the boys' schedules then stayed late past their schedules. You hated that. It felt like he was choosing to work instead of being with you and the boys, because he was going out of his way to work and rehearse instead of taking a break to relax in your arms or playing video games with Haechan.
“He’s been at it for two hours,” Jeno complained, wiping his palms over his face as he sighs. “How’s he not exhausted yet?”
The boys had practice starting in the morning, so of course Jisung headed out early, and they finished practice around 6PM, but Jisung stayed until 8PM when his choreographer finally sent him home… At which point Jisung continued practicing in the free room at the end of the hall. That had been his schedule for the past three days straight. The boys were sick of it. You were sick of it. While the seven of you were watching movies and tv shows together in the living room, Jisung was always upstairs, playing the same chorus over and over and over again—
“I’m going insane! Can we just tie him down or something so he finally fucking rests?” Haechan said, annoyed.
Even though he had been joking, it wasn’t a bad idea. Jeno perked up first because he was the one who was most eager to get Jisung to stop, and once he started looking around silently for back up, Mark and Haechan moved too, then Jaemin was at Jeno’s side. Chenle groaned as he stretched and mumbled, “Finally,” before pushing himself to his feet. The last two to give in were you and Renjun. The other boys’ reassurance to you were smiles they tossed in your direction as Chenle swung his arm over Renjun’s shoulder and started dragging him along upstairs while they conversed quietly in Chinese.
“I got the ropes,” Jaemin said.
“Grab the gag too,” Haechan commented quickly, just before Jaemin dove into his bedroom. “I’m sick of hearing him yap all night ‘cause he’s still wired with energy when we’re all exhausted…”
On your way to the extra room that had turned into a temporary practice room for Jisung, Jaemin gathered the materials needed for the night. Mark pocketed his phone as you all gathered outside of the door. He told the boys that he pulled a few strings so their practice the following day was delayed until after lunch, meaning they could have their fun and sleep in without worrying about any consequences.
“And this is why we love you, hyung,” Haechan teased. He wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck then started hanging off him. “What’s the plan?”
“I can distract him,” you offered.
“I can grab him,” Jaemin said, passing the ropes to Jeno.
As Jeno accepted the ropes, he contributed with, “I’ll tie him up.”
“And then what?” Renjun questioned.
“We tire him out,” Chenle replied with a grin.
With a series of nods from everyone standing in the hallway, you pushed the practice room door open to reveal the loud music Jisung was dancing to-- From downstairs, all you could hear was the obnoxious bass and the thumping of his footsteps, but the second you were in the room with him, the full force of how loud he was actually blasting the music suddenly hit you like a slap in the face. Once Jisung noticed you, however, immediately rushed to pause the music. His face was flushed from overworking himself all day. Sweat dripped from his dark hair, his glasses were all fogged up, and he was panting through his plump, swollen lips.
"Sorry, was I too loud?" he asked.
Well, the answer was yes, but that didn't matter so much with the boys anxiously waiting outside for their moment to jump him. So you shook your head and approached him. His blue hoodie was soaked in sweat, and his black gym shorts were barely clinging to his hips; you figured the safest place to touch him was his bare waist which wasn't too sweaty.
You shook your head. "No... I just missed you today... Wanted to hang out with you for a bit." When your cold hands made contact with his warm skin, Jisung hissed under his breath before gulping down his reactions. "Did you miss me?"
He nodded.
"You sure?"
He pouted and nodded some more. "I'm just really busy right now, I don't really have time to stop and--"
"And hang out with your partners?"
Jisung fell silent.
"It's okay," you cheered him up with a smile.
Jisung's eyes met yours again, giving you the perfect opportunity to kiss him passionately, your hands still glued to his hips so that he couldn't escape. He teased you by biting your lip. In return, you chuckled and started unzipping his sweaty hoodie to remove it from his body, which he surprisingly didn't protest to even though he was very adamant that he had no time to waste. In the midst of Jisung's habit of closing his eyes while kissing, the boys snuck into the room quietly, and you turned Jisung slightly so that his back was to the door, leaving all of his focus on you. Just as Jisung leaned further into your body and moaned into your mouth, Jaemin grabbed his hands that were headed for your hips.
"Wha--" Jisung pulled back. He looked around, confused, startled. "Hyung, what--" Despite Jisung's attemps to wiggle out of Jaemin's tight grip, his hyung was far stronger than him, making it impossible to escape. He looked at you for help with those big eyes of his.
Haechan approached and started kissing Jisung's exposed collarbone from behind until Jaemin rolled his eyes and pushed Haechan out of the way because he was in the way of their plan, which included Jeno stepping forward to help manhandle Jisung onto the floor so that all the boys could work together to hold him still while Jeno tied Jisung's wrists to his calves so that he was forced to sit down with his legs spread. Jisung whined and continued to thrash around. He asked silly questions and look around for help, but he was outnumbered. All of you were on the same page that he needed to let loose and that you were desperate to spend time with him, even if that meant restraining him to make it happen. To keep him quiet, Haechan took the gag he'd requested and he stuffed it into Jisung's mouth then secured it with the straps that wrapped around his head.
“Hyung, there’s duct tape in my desk drawer,” Jaemin said in Mark’s direction, prompting the eldest to hurry to his feet and scurry to Jaemin’s desk drawer. He dug around for a few seconds before returning with a roll of duct tape. Mark eyed Jaemin suspiciously. “It’s for wire management.” Jaemin took the roll and pulled the end up with his teeth before he began wrapping the sticky side around Jisung’s feet to keep him for kicking anymore. “And for tying Jeno up—“ Jaemin chuckled as Jeno reached over to smack Jae upside the back of the head. “Hey! It came in handy! Look!”
Jaemin patted his work then leaned back. All eight bodies in the room stilled as seven of you stared at the sight in front of you. Wow, Jisung really was handsome. Of course you knew that perfectly well already, but it was times like these where you were specifically reminded of it because there was a lull in excitement and all of the focus was put into every detail of who Park Jisung was. From his fogged up glasses, to his shirtless torso that showed off his hard work via his toned abs that he kept hidden from the public because he only ever wanted you guys to see all of him— He really was just a mini-me of Mark sometimes; to his erection growing in his gym pants, to the ropes tied expertly around his arms and legs… He was perfect. He was amazing. You needed him. Every inch of him. Always.
Haechan laughed as he tickled the bottom of Jisung’s feet to get the reaction he wanted where Jisung jolted, his body tensing, his eyes shooting wide, and desperate, muffled pleas were panted behind his gag. When Haechan did it again, Jisung’s feet fought against the tape, but he had nowhere to go. His struggle was in vain. That right there was the best part— Watching the moment he tried his best to free himself but couldn’t… Watching as all of his defined muscles worked in tandem to find a solution that would never appear.
Jisung pouted and slumped. His breathing was heavy thanks to Haechan who had riled him up, but also because he was anxiously watching all of you, waiting to see what you had in store for him.
“Do you remember what you said to me this morning before you left for work?” Jeno finally began the interrogation.
Jisung looked up through his lashes and vaguely shook his head. He was being extra cautious, you noticed. Perhaps he did remember but didn’t want to confess because it would only land him in more trouble— Or maybe he really didn’t remember and that was why he was so confused to have ended up in the position he was tied up in.
“I told you that you needed to say goodbye to everyone… That you needed to find a way to spend more time with us.”
Jisung gulped. So he did remember.
“And you said, ‘What does it matter?’”
The fear in Jisung’s face was nothing in comparison to the anger washing over half of the people standing in the room. He had said what?!
“Let me at him, hyung… I asked him to play basketball with me two days ago and he ghosted me,” Chenle said.
“You’re ghosting us now?” Mark questioned.
Jisung shook his head adamantly, his eyes pouting and his eyebrows raising like he was trying to tell you something, but it went unsaid.
“He talked back to me, so I get dibs,” Jeno said, which forced Chenle to back down. “But you can help.” Now that brought a smile to Chenle’s face.
Jisung squirmed some more as the audience closed in on him. Renjun went to his side first to ask something about safe words and if Jisung remembered how to put a stop to this even with the gag in his mouth. Jisung nodded. That seemed to ease both Mark and Renjun who were a bit uneasy about ambushing Jisung in the first place. Renjun shifted slightly so that he was at your side instead, leaving plenty of room for Jaemin to take his spot because his job was to try to keep Jisung still while Jeno took the lead and Chenle followed by sitting opposite Jaemin.
"Are these sensitive yet?" Chenle flicked his finger over one of Jisung's nipples. Jisung moaned and rolled his head back against the wall. "They are..." And he did it again.
Jeno ran his palm over Jisung's erection in tandem with Chenle's teasing, and when Jisung jolted upright and pulled against his restraints, Jaemin jumped into action by pressing his hand on Jisung's bare chest before pushing him against the wall. By the time you could bring yourself to pry your attention away from Jisung, Haechan was already kissing Mark who had his hands on Hyuck's hips to keep both of them steady so that they didn't fall back onto the floor. Hyuck was a bit aggressive. He was trying to sit on Mark's lap, but Mark fought by using his grip to roll over on top of Haechan who moaned when their crotches touched over their pajama pants.
Renjun whined beside you. He was looking for attention too but three of the boys were busy with Jisung, Mark and Haechan were busy with each other, and Renjun was getting hard watching everything happen around him. You pulled Renjun onto your lap and slid your hand under the waistband of his pants. He shifted slightly to accommodate your touch. You moaned into his ear once you got a hold on his cock, his pre-cum already leaking onto your hand; and he moaned in return when you used your free hand to hold his chin to make him watch what was happening in front of you where Jeno had fished Jisung’s dick out of his shorts and slowly started jerking him off. Jisung moaned happily.
Though he seemed to dislike being ganged up on and tied up, the fact that Jisung was finally being touched after you’d worked him up in the first place came as a relief to him. You matched Jeno's pace. Whenever he jerked Jisung off fast, you went at the same speed on Renjun-- Both of them wiggled their hips, Renjun struggling adorably in your lap-- and when Jeno slowed down, you teased Renjun's tip until he was begging you for more. Chenle contributed to Jisung by pinching his nipples over and over again as an added measure of stimulation to get Jisung off. Poor thing had incredibly sensitive nipples. All of you liked to take advantage of that because he made the cutest noises when his nipples were teased; but Chenle was doing it with the sole purpose of getting Jisung closer to the edge.
"Jebal--" Jisung moaned behind his gag.
Jeno pulled his hand away from Jisung's cock. While Renjun anticipated you to follow suit and was prepared to beg you to continue, you actually didn't stop touching him. He wasn't being punished like Jisung was. There was no point in edging him and torturing him, which came as a relief to Renjun who continued to moan your name and thrust his hips up into your fist. Beside you, Haechan and Mark were finally going at it like they were in their own world as they rubbed up against each other and Haechan was adjusting to ride Mark's thick thigh.
When Jeno restarted his motions, everyone else continued too. Jaemin and Chenle played with Jisung's nipples, you jerked Renjun off faster, and Haechan was biting Mark's bottom lip to pry more moans out of his hyung. Jaemin did something mean where he kissed Jisung's cheek to keep him distracted momentarily before he pressed his index finger over Jisung's sensitive tip to gather up some of his dropping pre-cum before smearing it over the gag Jisung was wearing.
"Jebal, jebal, jebal--" Jisung moaned as he came.
Renjun's body toppled forward, his hands on your knees, fingernails digging into your skin. "C-Can I--"
"Cum for me, sweet boy."
Jisung's body was still shaking through his orgasm when Renjun hit his peak too. As Renjun's cum leaked down your hand, Jisung's cum painted his stomach and hit Chenle and Jaemin's hands, and both boys were watching each other as content to really make their highs hit harder, as if they were watching porn or something. When there was nothing left to milk out of Renjun, you slowed down before wiping your hand on his thigh then pulling away entirely. He slumped against your chest. For a moment, he caught his breath while watching Jeno who didn't slow down or stop playing with Jisung. The poor guy realized what was happening just as his orgasm faded and the overstimulation began.
"Hold still, Jisung-ah," Jaemin cooed tauntingly with a tigher grip on their maknae.
"Some help would be nice," Chenle called over to you and the three other onlookers.
You inched forward with Renjun still resting on your lap so that you could corner Jisung even more to make it really noticeable that there was no escaping the nipple stimulation or the fact that his cock was still being played with after he'd made a mess. Jisung whined pathetically. He looked around for a savior, but the only two who could have been any help-- Mark and Haechan-- were still preoccupied with each other. You looked down to see Jisung's cum frothing between his straining cock and Jeno's pumping fist-- And much to your surprise, Jisung wasn't softening. He was still hard, and he was leaking cum bit by bit by bit.
Haechan finally sat upright. His brown hair was a mess, his cheeks were flush, and his cum left a wet spot in his pants, and there was another wet spot on his thigh where Mark had cum too. Both of them panted as they looked around to catch their bearings.
"You guys aren't helping," Chenle scolded.
"Sorry," Mark apologized, completely dazed.
Haechan and Mark crawled over to find empty spaces for them to squeeze into. Haechan, to have fun, tickled Jisung's feet again, which set him off with another serious of muffled moans before he opened his eyes long enough to glare at Haechan. That earned him a pinch to each of his nipples.
Jisung started squirming harder and whining louder the closer he got, almost like it was a warning to everyone in the room with him that he was about to tip over the edge if you kept messing with him. The only problem for him was… the seven of you knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted him to cum. Again. And then maybe again for good measure— And fuck it, another time after that. You wanted to pry as many orgasms out of him that his body could provide, and even then you were sure that you could get a dry orgasm or two in there for your entertainment.
Shaking his head, he mumbled behind the gag, "I can't."
You ran your fingers through his hair comfortingly as you cooed, “Shhh, shhh, shhh… You can hold my hand, baby, it’s okay.”
Jisung did just that. His hand grasped yours desperately— Well, he tried to find your hand but kept slipping to your wrist which he held with an iron-tight grip as his hips squirmed some more in an attempt to get away from Jeno.
“I’ve got you,” you said.
A loud moan echoed through the room as another orgasm was forced out of him. His cum leaked onto his chest in a pathetic stream which Haechan caught with his fingers so that he could have Mark clean it up. Both Jeno and Chenle worked Jisung through his second orgasm, Jaemin tried his best to hold him still, and Mark and Hyuck were back to kissing each other. To everyone's surprise, Renjun leaned forward on his knees to roll his palm over Jisung's sensitive tip.
"Hyung!" Jisung cried out behind his gag.
Jaemin put more pressure on Jisung's chest to hold him still for the last minute or so that they continued to bully him with overstimulation.
"Okay, okay," Mark said, pushing Haechan off him in order to catch his breath. He licked his lips. "We should get cleaned up."
"He has one more in him, hyung," Chenle complained, his fingers still playing with Jisung's nipples.
Mark observed Jisung for a moment. His body was slumped with exhaustion, his head braced against the wall, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to bear the way Renjun was torturing his tip. He looked exhausted. After working long hours and practicing so much, you'd already milked the rest of his energy out of his body-- For lack of a better word. You pulled Renjun's hand away. When Jeno noticed, he brought his movements to a halt and shot Jaemin a look which told him to release Jisung who panted the second he was shown an ounce of mercy. Chenle, despite what he wanted, obeyed Mark's orders and your silent lead.
"Let's get him out of these," Hyuck said.
Everyone moved to undo the restraints. Jeno's knots were tight, but the ropes were loose around Jisung's limbs, making it easy to wedge the knots loose before untying them altogether. Meanwhile, you moved your weight onto your knees so that you could reach over the boys and take Jisung's gag out of his mouth. He gulped through a heavy breath.
"You okay?" you asked.
Jisung nodded tiredly. "Ne."
A wadded up ball of duct tape made its way into the trash in the corner, thanks to Renjun, and when he returned he had Jisung's water bottle in hand so that once Jisung was free he was able to take slow sips that Mark monitored closely.
"You did good," Mark complimented.
Jisung blushed. "Thanks, hyung..." He turned to face away from everyone.
"I'm going to get him in the shower. You smell disgusting," Jeno said.
"That's what rehearing for thirteen hours a day will do to you," Jaemin added.
Jisung set his water bottle down on the floor. "Okay, I get it, I need to relax with you guys more. I get it. I'm sorry." He hooked his arm over Jeno's shoulder, then on the count of three, he was lifted to his feet. He put all of his weight against Jeno because his legs were shaking and his body was exhausted from the overstimulaton.
You stood to kiss Jisung gently. "Sleep in my bed tonight?"
He nodded.
taglist: @junrenjun @topmoondanse @wonsyn @jaeminnanaaa17 @jsbluu
@trash-number-one @multifandomania @jimintrain @notbasickpopie @blueblazings
@ho3central @kiwiiess @ant-onie @jeongjaeleftbicep @secretlifeoftw
@9763vill @sinsgaybutthatsokay @aeriwave @leesura @kittydollzz
@daryaa8a @henderysposts @mystverse @mwokyo @nbm08
@seokiesung @j4rsofit @fuckmeupnct @pandagirl753 @starrysturniolo
@your-local-k-pop-stan @neverendingminho @strawberryax0lotl @nmhkih @itskpopular
@n0hyuck @meowniee @faeryus @zhapire @oonyourmmark
@hyunjinologyy @october-saturn @kiwichenji @shoetaroshoe @neo11kun
@iiohii @armaegddn @vinsmokesanjis-wife @riaa72 @czennielove
@llcvleywons @s3onghwaswifey
#op#fanfic#jisung#mark#renjun#jeno#haechan#jaemin#chenle#sooah thoughts#nct#nct fanfic#nct smut#nct dream#nct dream fanfic#nct dream smut#jisung fanfic#jisung smut#mark fanfic#mark smut#renjun fanfic#renjun smut#jeno fanfic#jeno smut#haechan fanfic#jaemin fanfic#jaemin smut#chenle fanfic#chenle smut
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Hey I think there's something that I have to keep reminding myself and maybe you also need to remind yourself of sometimes and that's that it's actually really hard to Fandom wrong.
Like there's a lot of writers and creators who produce works better than I could. Frankly, I suck at meta. And that's fine! I'm not gonna get called to the Fandom Principal's Office to be told that I'm failing in Fandom and need to get my grades up or I'll lose my spot on the posting team. I can commit to the most wildly OOC portrayal of a character and people will just not like it and that's!!! Okay!!!
No one is getting paid for this! You can't get fired! It's nice to find like-minded individuals but you don't have to change your mind for the sole purpose of finding community!
We are playing in sandboxes and it is Normal and Good to play in your corner and see other people playing differently in theirs. You should fight any urge towards conformity in your mind because it is the final sanctuary where you can be free.
And while this is mostly a "Hey feeling insecure about how you participate in Fandom is something you can and should challenge" I do also mean "Hey people who make Fucked Up content and people who make Fixed Wholesome content are not and never should be enemies."
I tend to make things leaning towards Fixing and Found Family but that will never earn me a place in heaven and has no weight to my own morality and does not make me a good person and I would drive any Noncon Torture Sadist Darkfic creator to the airport at 5 AM and bring us both homemade lattes. I have taken so many pieces of great characterization for my domestic hopeful comfort fics from Really Fucking Dark fics because those fics break open characters in new and intense and beautiful lights. The ONLY reason I don't write hurt/no comfort is because that's not the enrichment I'm looking for, it isn't the treatment I need for my personal psychic wounds but it is perfectly! Beautifully! Worthy! As a trope all the same! And it is beneficial for people who are not me!!!
Fiction is morally neutral in every way - no matter what you create, whether it is hopeful or tragic, or beautiful, or mediocre, you are allowed and encouraged to make it.
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watching this Paul Gross thing he did in the 80s (chasing rainbows) and ive been enjoying it despite the knowledge that there'd be some kind of a het love triangle thing going on and that the other two characters simply aren't that interesting, but. oh boy. is... is the woman in this constellation meant to be read as a villain???
(ME DOING A BREAKDOWN ABOUT A SHOW NOBODY WATCHED AND NOBODY WILL WATCH ✌)
PG character -- a working class man who is fundamentally good to everyone in trouble he meets, to the detriment of himself more often than not, but scraping by until he gets his big break (which he also works very hard for) and becomes the owner of a relatively successful nightclub
other two characters -- come from rich backgrounds and sort of suck him into their lives by the coincidence of the two men having been at the front in WWI and PG saving the other guy's life and consistently don't realise he's got way more working against him than they do
the lady in this situation initially dumping said other guy "to find herself" when he comes back from the war, which, fair, it's 1919, she's going to college, she wants to be sure she can make informed choices, chill enough
said lady imprinting on our working class heroic character, because he's working class. i just. cannot read it any other way. she clocks him as such at a party (that he was invited to as a veteran) straight away, insults him, throws water in his face when he doesn't take it, but simultaneously is into the whole idk... rugged unpolished nature of him
discovers a diary written during the war with poetry in it that she presumes was written by him -- steals the book and reads it out loud to her college friends and is offended that he's not flattered by this
despite numerous protests that he didn't write the poetry (and he didn't, it was written by a kid he tried to save who was later shot in front of him for desertion), she just doesn't believe him, because she desperately wants him to have the "hidden depths of a poet" or some nonsense. never mind his actual good traits -- his kind-heartedness, his tenacity, his savvy, his sense of humour, nonono she wants a Poet
also, she is a failed playwright. she writes terrible plays about things she doesn't understand (including the war), asks his opinion and is offended when he (under duress) admits he doesn't think they're very good
and now she fucking... copied down the poems without his knowledge and published them under his name with an article she wrote about said hidden poetic depths!!!! gets incredibly offended when he is upset about this, first of all with a "I thought you'd be pleased" then with a "you should be happy for me for getting an article I wrote published in a major newspaper!" (because at the end of the day it's about her)
he initially -- not knowing how to handle the situation -- goes along with it, because what do you do now? go to the publishers and say it wasn't you? out yourself in the news?? I mean??? but pretty quickly re-emphasises He Did Not Write Those Poems!
the plot then mysteriously seems to pivot into saying it was his fault for "stringing her along" because the "hidden poet" bit was the only thing she really liked about him... and she vehemently denies this (but girl, tell me one other thing that draws you to him, and you can't say because he's pretty!) and says he's hurt/betrayed her by lying. i just... don't know... if the plot... is writing her like this because she's meant to be a self-absorbed college girl who has her working class dream-boat fantasy get broken, or if it's meant to be presented as him having betrayed her. it is. unclear
and now she's threatening to write a new article about how he's a fraud. im just. waiting for the plot to point out that she's done all of this herself and she also won't suffer for any of it in the way he will...
this boy can do better than these rich kid tourists 😔
#i think because it's kinda presented as a Big Tragic Romance and im just.#she's just a terrible person. and if that were the Point then great. but im not sure that is the point#i think it's meant to look like a give-and-take where they accidentally hurt each other but...#one of them consistently makes poor decisions and forgets the other person has agency.... and the other is just Hanging On#this whole plot sounds like something you'd read on a reddit AITA#im watching tv#im watching chasing rainbows#paul gross#ive been Suffering for two episodes
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"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."
a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT
"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."
Tracklist under the cut
Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION
#killer frequency#marie campbell#forrest nash#slashers#video games#marie/forrest (killer frequency)#forrest/marie (killer frequency)#together their first names make the initials for motherfucker :) <3 and i think that's beautiful#playlist#fanmix#“you really plugged mareux 3 times in one playlist huh” Listen. if we're on the assumption that marie is kind of half goth#also this color scheme of their character colors w/ the loading bar u see at the start&end of the game isn't perfect but…it's beautiful ha#gosh im sorry im aware this will be more pleasant listening if u have an adblocker. i hope u do……#p.s. hosted in my sidepiece/bootycall channel. this isnt really what i use/sub from on the daily so u wont get much interaction if any#with all that out the way Pls if u listen let me know what your vibe of this ship is post-whistling night (or in general??) + this playlist#for me forrest was never a target of hate but more someone who Really got in the way to the point of getting on the hitlist#if we keep to the “sense of justice” marie got from him +other strong traits then diff scenarios open up where she considers sparing him#and from there i kinda picture the dynamic At First as Feral beast with Shiny new chew toy (who confirmed Can Flirt Back) but then develops#forrest is bitter/dark/temperamental & sentimental enough to meet her perspectives part way#it all grows into a turbulent friendship that goes into a turbulent romance. and Perhaps peace?? s/o to anyone who's into this lol#excuse the non-fanfic happening in these tags but also imagining them bonding from bad parents lmao but from two diff perspectives#where marie would stab hers and probly forrests once theyre friends if he was hurt by 'em#but i like imagining forrest on more of a “they sucked but it was a different time & they didnt know better”#with someone specifically like marie replying No fuck them severely#“Oh what? Youre gonna get revenge for me? :) By killing their kid who is me? :)” / “FINE Forrest I just might”#and both of them possibly being musically inclined but lol for diff reasons went on another path. they can Play oh boyo this ship's a treat
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i would love it if people stopped saying therapy and medication doesnt work after one bad experience
#i get that its disheartening but some people suffer and suffer and suffer because#''therapy doesnt work'' ''psychiatrists are evil'' ''theyll send you to the psych ward''#like medical abuse is real and psychiatrists tend to be shittier lol#but im sick of the weird hate campaign because these things are not inherently a reality#tbh and regular doctors too!!!!!!!#they can suck and they can hurt you but you can get a new one and you should drop one if you don't trust them#telling everyone that medical care is the devil is seriously so harmful#esp with psych care because then its a cop-out for people who abuse others due to lack of therapy#maybe its just my experience of having no choice but to be treated but its really not that bad at all if you know your rights#dont get me started on ''i dont want to have to take a medication to be normal'' folks like just call me a freak while youre at it
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staring at some old posts like 'i have regrets'.
#venting in the tags below#its nothing about anyone specifically just as a general fandom view#of one specific fandom that we wont tag#just left that little buffer right there so if you dont want to read you dont have to. there is a lighter note at the end.#but that fandom just... sucks overall. dont get me wrong! we loved it as a kid#but its just... the same issues different characters. a divide amongst everyone.#and nothing can really be done about it because its just.. there.#you cant stop it.#no matter what: what you do is wrong.#weve tried in that fandom for years. literal years.#and its always been an outcasting feeling.#at first: we were too mature. then: too old. now: just plan old fucked and wanting to stay away from certain characters#'so you hate them?' no. they hurt and bring up bad memories.#'so youre not supportive?' i am supportive. its completely fine for me to say its not my cup of tea. because its not my cup of tea.#its... a shame really. but im glad that the bodys mom is able to see us smile again from a new place. much more accepting and comfortable.#its nice. it really is. i feel welcomed and like i belong around here.#i dont feel shamed for being sourced from the fandom im in#it feels.... nice. it feels like home. like this is where we were meant to be.#thank you. im glad we came back to tumblr. im glad that were still here. im glad that -despite everything- were still fighting the world#we may even have a better job opportunity than ever before! finally getting some sort of sleep at night. finally feel.. just safe overall.#safe on tumblr that is#i know we wont truly ever be safe. but one step at a time. one step at a time.#the fire fighter
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😮💨
[sorry for the hardcore tag rants, y'all]
#more than a little exhausted by certain things#no stability anywhere in life#not in work or family or even friends#would settle for literally just one single shred of continuity and reliance#one single piece of my life I can count on to be there for me and reliable and safe#just a shred of something or someone being there for me in the long run#work has proven garbage#family is so fucking volatile it might as well be an unhandled explosive#and the very few threads of friendship I've found and thought were worth the time and effort to strengthen have just#left me abandoned or floundering doing either all the work to be left behind or what I can to be uncounted for#either nothing or not enough and not counted for in the long run#because apparently my friendship is just as forgettable or easily disregarded as every other part of me#or at least that's how it definitely fuckin feels#and I'm So Spooked when it comes to making friends!#I'm scared to connect with people who actually seem genuinely interested in getting to know me and talk to me!#and that sucks bc I want to get to know them but everyone else seemed interested at first too and then a few months later!#they're just as hard to get in touch with as everyone else who turns away!#I don't want to annoy anyone or be too much anymore#I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt like a big giant fucking baby!#i know it's mostly on me and managing shit but it still just. sucks ASS.#I don't wanr to be scared to make friends because people abandon me#I don't want to run people off#I want to be better and have better because I know I deserve it#sorry for ranting I'm just. incredibly jacked up about some more recent stuff bc it brought up long term stuff#i am not immune to hating myself bc of bad friends#anyway yeah sorry i am done grambling#grant grumbles#grambling is my new grant grumbles extra#also to you amazing guys who are so full of love (myccc and hack!!!!!) ily tons and you bring me life#i am trying to be just as cool and worthy as you both!!!! please don't ever leave me! you keep me going even if I don't show it well!!!
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Timeloop au snippet
“I want,” Lucien started, quietly, “To kiss you again.” Close- she was so near presence was itself practically touch- Nesta said nothing, but he felt her exhale. Grow still past mortal quietude, frozen but moving no further away, watching him with those devastating eyes. Grey: dawn, dusk, death. Ashes and hopeful harbors. Every becoming and then some. “But,” she blinked, blinked as he kept going, something wrenching in his chest, “Not more than I want this. To talk to you. To see you. To- I miss you. I miss everything. We don’t have to talk about it. We don’t have to do anything about it. I won’t touch you. I just”- He’d started quiet. Never raised his voice and never would, but the words were beginning to come out uneven, surging as the tide crashing in below them. Nesta stopped him with a hand. Quicker than even Lucien could see in motion, twisting their fingers together in a move that for all that strength, all the speed, was gentle as the gesture. “Lucien.” “I won’t ever,” Lucien promised lowly. “Lucien,” Nesta repeated, furiously. Nesta Archeron, who if Tamlin had chosen her would have slit his throat in sleep. Nesta, and her bookstore of exquisite, illegal stories. Nesta, in the snow, more fae than human even in her mortal body now, nose to his pulse. Her timelines, her choices, her ever-ready scathing laugh. Nesta Archeron, Lord of the Storm Gate, keystone of the Cauldron’s power, breaker of worlds and Lucien’s whole heart. “Lucien,” she hissed. Power and heat, and how could he not look? It was only then, holding his gaze, that Nesta said, “I’m not afraid of you.” It tasted like truth, the scent of her a whole blaze, but- “You were,” Lucien managed to say, utterly quiet. “Afraid.”
#Remember how canon SUCKED?#Remember their TERRIBLE MATCHING BACKSTORIES?#sometimes getting what you want the most hurts the most#Lucien: five year depression vacation#Nesta: busy becoming some new form of unholy power#the enormity!! of his desires!! terrified him!!#Nesta Archeron voice: I TOLD YOU THE CAULDRON LISTENS#they're best friends they're being stupid they're utterly in love and they don't#even slighty#remember how to arrange a life without the other anymor#*anymore#they both think they fucked up I loooove it#no one has correctly guessed who started the loops and I am living for it#I thought it was super obvious!!#no grave can hold my body down#lucien/nesta fic INCOMING#lucnes
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Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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standing here in my star-patterned bathrobe holding a stylus while inscribing something onto my computer. it's wizard time baby
#just me hi#my mom came into the room n saw me doing all that + starting laughing and saying 'you look like a wizard' so i have achieved the Pinnacle#of my existence hhvsbhhfsv#my n my starry bathrobe on our way to cast spells (writing in a language no one can understand (regular handwriting) and portraying strange#otherworldly begins (drawing wet cat OCs))#/i should draw this though because it Is kind of silly now that i think about it#i'm a wizard >:3 my potions are store-bought and taste like cherry dr perpper and my spells are free from my brain#my runes? uhhh have you ever heard of drawing warmups ??#i lay out simple curses and it's words that make no sense and characters i actually talk about in secret like a little troll forgetting#other people can hear it Hfbhsv#my tower is whatever i'm standing on at the moment. which is a kneeling pad rn Lol :3#//which btw kneeling pads are Awesome for nearly everything#Except for sitting because everything will still hurt and maybe More than it did before Lmaooo#but like after a bit of standing it Sucks standing up and the kneeling pad is really good at helping me redistribute the weight doing that#ik it's better to stand than to sit but dude it blows so much harder hfhsbvhf#i am taking damage on all sides and with nearly every method but oh!! i will find a proper system well enough !!!#//anyway i think i want to get a wizard hat now lol :3#maybe a blue one!! i like blue :>>#//yea though i'm almost done with this ref!! !!!!#love it when things go smoothly. wheeee :D#i gotta add a couple things and then colour + shade + effects cuz i'll Die without my effects hfvbsh#really i learned how to do that little glitch thing and now i just can't go back lol :>#trying out new ways + new layer settings all the time so ~!~#//but YEA gonna get to that and then other things and stuffs!! you know :3#so tooooodles ~+~ !!
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You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited
Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.
And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well
…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.
I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.
#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs…#also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role#that would be great. I would do that too.#I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia#as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh.#it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary#maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB#like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’#and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine#but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!)#and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea#so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’#so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange#same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff#like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday#…but seems unlikely’#and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction#…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!!#and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’#(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me#and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything#so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is)#anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for#and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you#because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks#but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them#so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one
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Things I wish I had read in "beginner" sewing tutorials/people had told me before I started getting into sewing
You have to hem *everything* eventually. Hemming isn't optional. (If you don't hem your cloth, it will start to fray. There are exceptions to this, like felt, but most cloth will.)
The type of cloth you choose for your project matters very much. Your clothing won't "fall right" if it's not the kind of stretchy/heavy/stiff as the one the tutorial assumes you will use.
Some types of cloth are very chill about fraying, some are very much not. Linen doesn't really give a fuck as long as you don't, like, throw it into the washing machine unhemmed (see below), whereas brocade yearns for entropy so, so much.
On that note: if you get new cloth: 1. hem its borders (or use a ripple stitch) 2. throw it in the washing machine on the setting that you plan to wash it going forward 3. iron it. You'll regret it, if you don't do it. If you don't hem, it'll thread. If you don't wash beforehand, the finished piece might warp in the first wash. If you don't iron it, it won't be nice and flat and all of your measuring and sewing will be off.
Sewing's first virtue is diligence, followed closely by patience. Measure three times before cutting. Check the symmetry every once in a while. If you can't concentrate anymore, stop. Yes, even if you're almost done.
The order in which you sew your garment's parts matters very much. Stick to the plan, but think ahead.
You'll probably be fine if you sew something on wrong - you can undo it with a seam ripper (get a seam ripper, they're cheap!)
You can use chalk to draw and write on the cloth.
Pick something made out of rectangles for your first project.
I recommend making something out of linen as a beginner project. It's nearly indestructible, barely threads and folds very neatly.
Collars are going to suck.
The sewing machine can't hurt you (probably). There is a guard for a reason and while the needle is very scary at first, if you do it right, your hands will be away from it at least 5 cm at any given time. Also the spoils of learning machine sewing are not to be underestimated. You will be SO fast.
I believe that's all - feel free to add unto it.
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one in the morning i am listening to slipping through my fingers on repeat and missing my mom really badly while also feeling upset with her and i don't think this combination will ever really leave me
#i havent seen my family in months and her dad just died and now she probably has covid too#and i know she misses me and i miss her so badly but i also miss the idea of having a mom you can tell everything too#like i will never have that relationship with her!! and that hurts!!#we've both hurt each other and i've done things i'm sorry for that i haven't apologized for#but i was a fifteen year old having a mental breakdown. she was the parent#i know she didn't know how to help me and no one did and i know blaming her for that is unfair#but i have never ever gotten anything like an apology for her not even trying until the cracks were so wide they showed#she's never said 'hey sorry you had a two year long depressive episode that must have really sucked' or anything like it#and she never will because she does not take accountability or apologize for things.#but she makes jokes about how moody i was or how i never wanted to talk to her during that time and it's like.#weren't you there?? didn't you see?? didn't you know?? did you even try to understand??#i'm sorry i was a moody 15 year old i was also so completely burnt out that all my energy went towards finding any joy i could#need to go back to therapy over the summer because i literally have SO much to discuss#my mom. my grandpa. adhd. new special interests. my cello teacher. the Creep. my actual life now. the list goes on#whatever this has become a tag ramble. maybe the way to get my mom to apologize is to watch ladybird with her#(if i did that i think one of us would burst into flames)#persannal
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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