#it hurts me deeply inside to know. with how much i love that song. THAT THERE COULDVE BEEN AN EVEN BETTER ONE? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

forlix · 1 year ago

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‧ ❆ ˚ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 (besides myself)・l.f.

— you spend three years loving him, six months losing him, and four hours waiting for him to get the hell out of your house. but the human heart is more stubborn than you know.

words・5.4k

pairing・lee felix x gn!reader

genres・babysitter!au, girldad!lix, nobody look at me, toothrotting fluff, more angst than originally intended tbh, exes to lovers, hurt/comfort, happy ending yayyy, non-linear storyline

warnings・cousin has a korean name and experiences one (1) minor head bump, mc is temporarily heartbroken and experiences one (1) breakdown

playlist・house song by searows・glad by tori kelly・let's pretend by del water gap・you were good to me by jeremy zucker

a/n・hiiii my loves, i'm so unbelievably excited to bring u my first contribution to my and @astraystayyh's collaboration, "winter falls" ♡ every time i write for our ray of sunshine i'm reminded of how thankful i am to love him. this fic ruined me. hope it does the same to you (smile)

I. everything

“One day,” you muttered to the toddler sitting on your shoulders, “you’ll experience something deeply, irreversibly humbling, and I’ll be there to witness your downfall.”

Byeol responded to this with an unbothered babble. She then gathered two handfuls of your hair and yanked using far too much force to be biologically possible.

You folded like a lawn chair. “Mother—!”

Oh, that word was not suitable for button-sized ears.

“—oh, my dear mother, why? Why me?”

Technically speaking, your aunt should’ve been the target of your lamentations, but all she did was produce the child presently steering you around the kitchen like you were her own personal bumper car. Your own mother was the one who volunteered you to watch said child during the first weekend of your winter break. Only for an hour until the babysitter arrives, she’d said (raising her voice, so as to be heard over your groaning).

You adored Byeol. She made scarily accurate chipmunk sounds and possessed an immobilizing fear of grapes. She bust out a dance move before she took her first steps. The girl could have you floored with laughter without being able to say more than three words at a time. Still, this was far from how you imagined onsetting your desperately-needed few weeks off. Not to mention it was now half past three; your shift should’ve ended two minutes ago.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Byeol emitted an excited onomatopoeia like a golden retriever detecting the mailman. Your reaction wasn’t too far off; you swiveled your head in the sound’s direction, sang out “coming!” in a delighted vibrato, and twirled into the foyer, your hands around Byeol’s ankles anchoring her in place.

You cracked open the door and found yourself face-to-face with Byeol’s babysitter. The freckles scattered across his high cheekbones and sloping nose seemed to you like they were imprinted by the sun itself. His hair was dark, falling just shy of pitch black, and long, ending an inch or so below pierced ears. A few misbehaving strands rested over his forehead but did little to obstruct your view of his eyes: profoundly brown and pointed at either end, like poinsettia petals.

He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. You felt your skin warm, your heart flip. You opened your mouth.

Then Byeol hit her head against the vertical edge of the front door, loud enough for it to echo.

The panic that seized you in that moment was truly unlike anything you’d experienced before. You caught one glimpse of the stranger’s expression (as mortified as you expected), and then you were seeing your own epitaph on the inside of your eyelids, engraved with the four words “Death by Furious Aunt.”

“Was that—?” The man sputtered, and his voice was rich and full and accented and just as breathtaking as the rest of him and holy fucking shit now was not the time.

“My fucking god,” you whispered, completely forgetting to watch your mouth. In a hurry, you swung Byeol off your shoulders and dropped to a knee. You leaned in close to examine her reddening forehead and cradled the plush of her cheek; she blinked at you a few times, fascinated by the sudden sight of your face again.

“You okay, Byeollie? That hurt a lot, didn’t it? I’m so, so sorr—”

Byeol started to laugh.

Not laugh as in those little chuckles she let out randomly, like there was something inherently amusing about the kitchen cupboard, but laugh as in a boisterous, resounding guffaw, like a great-uncle at a family gathering off one too many martinis.

This rendered you speechless for the second time in under a minute. Then, you lifted your other hand to cradle her other cheek, her face now sandwiched between your palms, and squeezed.

“I broke my cousin,” you whispered, your voice was so deathly serious that the man in the doorway had to stifle a laugh of his own.

His knee brushed against your shin as he sat down to your left, folding his legs into a criss-cross. You could discern notes of lavender and orange blossoms in the delicate cologne that clung to him, perforated the air and your mind both.

“Can I?” He asked.

“Please.”

Carefully, you shifted Byeol’s small frame towards him; the manner in which he accepted her was so smooth and practiced that there was no doubt in your mind you were watching a professional at work. He settled her on his right knee, then dipped his head to look her in the eye.

“Hi, princess,” he cooed with a dulcet smile. He curved his pointer finger, dusted it beneath her chin. “Why are you laughing, silly girl?”

Oh.

You might just continue your lineage after all.

“Y/N-ie,” she answered, still tittering.

He looked to you with a slight tilt to his head, and you nodded affirmatively. He murmured a quiet ah. “What about Y/N-ie?”

Somehow you sensed that she was about to embarrass you and pinched the bridge of your nose—in preparation.

“P-pretty.” I knew it!

The man let out the laugh he’d been holding back since earlier and tapped on her button nose, lowered his voice to a whisper that he knew you could hear.

“I agree.” His eye glinted playfully, matching his tone. “And so are you.” The bashful, high-pitched giggle she responded with sounded eerily similar to your inner monologue.

The two of you spent a little longer on the floor of the foyer making sure Byeol was okay, and then the girl upped and made a mad dash for the kitchen while yelling something about a horse, and if that didn’t confirm that she was completely fine (albeit incredibly strange) you didn’t know what would. You found her rolling around the carpet in the room adjacent to the kitchen and left her to her own devices while you and her babysitter fixed up a small fruit plate for her afternoon snack. No grapes, of course.

He told you he usually went by Felix, but that his Korean name was probably easier for Byeol to pronounce, with its easier consonants and whatnot. You asked which name he preferred, and he said either or. He was a recent college graduate, a year older than you, who was determined to spend at least the next two years doing nothing but working out his future. He accepted the part-time babysitting position to pick up some light cash in the process.

“And ‘cause I’m good with kids,” he added, splitting apart a tangerine. “So I’ve been told.”

“Oh, you definitely are,” you said, plating a couple blueberries. “You melted her earlier.”

“She melted me. She’s so cute. And you’re so cute with her—I didn’t realize I was robbing someone of their job.”

You turned your head to regard the tot and let out a helpless laugh. Byeol tired of being a human lint roller a few minutes ago and had since moved on to staring aimlessly out the window.

“She doesn’t take me seriously, and I can’t stay mad at her,” you mused. “I would be a nightmare as her babysitter, trust me. She’s all yours.”

Felix held out two overturned handfuls of tangerine slices, to which you quickly moved the platter across the counter. He didn’t respond to your comments as he placed them on the outermost edge so that they looked like rays of sun emanating from a multicolored core. Adorable.

“Will you be around much, then?”

You made eye contact with him across the counter. On his perfect face was a teasing smirk and a subtle blush. Ah, you’d been mistaken, writing off his silence as concentration—he’d been contemplating how to best flirt with you.

“Y’know. In case I need any help teaching her cuss words,” he appended.

It was then your turn to flush a couple shades darker. “Please don’t tell her mom.”

“I won’t, I won’t.” He walked around the perimeter of the counter until he was directly in front of you; the lavender and orange blossoms returned. “On one condition.”

Not even one hour on the job and he was already trying to blackmail you? You respected it. “Which is?”

As he shifted some of his weight onto the counter, something too shifted in his smile, giving it a quality that was every bit as hopeful as it was gentle.

It was then, while Lee Felix was looking at you like that, all dilated pupils and long lashes, when you predicted that he would one day break your heart. You predicted you’d let him.

“Be around,” he said simply.

It wasn’t a question or a demand. In hindsight, you think it was more akin to a birthday wish, ill-fated the moment it hit the air.

II. has changed

Felix pulled Byeol’s hood up and over her ears, and you realized he was right about the winter coat getting too small for her—she looked like a bowling pin. You muffled your snort into your scarf.

“And what was the last rule again?” He asked, his breath puffing into the frigid afternoon in tiny clouds. Byeol sighed like she knew anything of the world’s woes.

“No barking at other kids,” came the sad reply, but a toothy smile spread across her face anyways when Felix nudged the underside of her chin. She loved when he did that.

“That’s my girl,” he hummed. “I believe in you.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” you said, and the wounded look Felix shot you was like you’d just confessed to hating kittens. “Come on—she doesn’t have a good track record. I’m allowed to have my doubts.”

“I dunno what that means,” Byeol announced with admirable frankness, and then turned around and scurried down the porch stairs, scattering fun-sized footprints across the snowy streets.

As you braced yourself to follow her, Felix stopped you with a slip of his hand into the pocket of your puffer. His fingers first aligned with yours inside the insulated nylon, then chased the spaces in between. He leaned in close, placed a kiss on the apple of your cheek, another on the corner of your mouth. This brought a helpless smile to your face, too. He had a way of melting you and Byeol both.

“It’ll be fine,” he soothed. “A little barking never hurt anybody, baby.”

“Lix, last time somebody called animal control.”

“Ermm—a little barking never hurt most people.”

That winter, Byeol was four, and your relationship with Felix was about to turn two.

Funnily enough, you’d never figured out when your anniversary actually was. Felix wagered it was the day you met, as he knew he loved you the instant he saw you; you insisted it was months later, since it took both of you an entire winter break of open-ended flirting and informal dating to label yourselves for real. Imagine your horror when he showed up outside your college apartment on the last day of your fall semester, arms overflowing with flowers and gift bags brimming with your favorite things, the phrase “happy anniversary” on his lips three months before you perceived it to be. You’ve celebrated both days ever since.

You loved the ocean growing up. You didn’t get to visit it often, but when you did you would run up to the water’s very edge so that your toes dipped into the cold—and just stand there, observing, absorbing, until even the seam of your lips and the ends of your eyelashes were studded with crystals of seasalt. You found endless tranquility in its rhythmic whispers and unspeakable comfort in its oscillating waves, guaranteed to return after momentary departure.

Your fascination stemmed from the folktale your mother used to read to you before bed, about a sun goddess creating the earth. In the story, every component of nature was one of the sun’s beloved children. She allegedly loved them all, but you suspected the ocean was her favorite; it was obvious, the way she twinkled off its ebbing surface, the way every minuscule spot of light looked to you like a handprint of hers, left behind by eons of endless doting.

Felix reminded you of the ocean. Every day you grew more certain that you wanted to drown in him, to let his resonant voice and kind eyes sweep and keep you inside his depths. It was never salt that he pressed into your skin but warmth, stamped and sealed with caring hands and cautious lips. His deep whispers promised eternal love and temporary ecstasy and everything in between. You knew he would come back to you even if stranded in a different realm. And there was no questioning the goddess’ favoritism, either. The freckles on his face mirrored the sun’s very spots like an homage to his creator.

You didn’t love the ocean growing up, no. You had never loved before Felix.

The park was busy when the three of you arrived. Byeol and Felix recognized a few families as your aunt’s neighbors and hurried over to say hello. Your social butterflies.

“I’ll be over there,” you called after them.

Felix stopped in his tracks, looked over his shoulder. It had started snowing lightly on your walk there, and snowflakes now sat atop his sable locks. He looked like a painting. “You okay?”

“Yes, yes.” You shooed them off. “Don’t worry about me. Go have fun.”

With that, you withdrew to the sidelines, an unoccupied swingset adjacent to a baseball diamond covered in frost.

Your baby cousin was brawny for her age, which you could’ve seen coming with how she was hauling at your hair two years ago, but even she couldn’t yet terrorize the playground without assistance. Who better to make her partner in crime than her favorite Bokkie? You couldn’t help but giggle as the two revolved around each other for the better part of an hour, Byeol’s smile colossal as she frolicked every which way, Felix’s smile worried but hopelessly endeared as he followed behind. He never let her leave his shadow. She never tried to.

It was there on those icy swings that you experienced a moment of strange clarity, like you’d broken the fourth wall of your own story. You could feel the winds of change blowing your hair across your shoulders. You were aware of time’s trickling from the gaps of your fingers like liquid mercury.

Your laughter dissipated to a bittersweet smile; your smile mellowed to dewy eyes. It seemed like just yesterday when Byeol was small enough to sit on your shoulders and Felix stepped into your kitchen for the first time. Now, she was scaling a rope ladder with the celerity of a crazed monkey while Felix hovered a wary hand by her waist. The muted sunlight caught on the silver rings he wore, particularly the thin, bright one on his middle finger. You had one just like it, adorning the same place.

The last two years were the happiest of your life. Why couldn’t you remember where they went?

Lavender and orange blossoms announced your boyfriend’s arrival—that, and the sigh of fatigue that he expelled as he dropped into the swing next to you.

“I’m not cut out for this anymore.”

Byeol’s neighbor had temporarily relieved Felix of his post by taking her and his son to test out the seesaw, and you wouldn’t be surprised if the whole town could hear her enthusiastic shrieking.

“You know how people walk their dogs?” You mused. “Some dogs walk their people. She’s one of them.”

For a moment, he could only stare in disbelief at the grin creeping across your face; then, he groaned in a way that could only mean you were right on the money. You gave his thigh a sympathetic pat.

“You’re whipped, my love. It’s okay.”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, suddenly perking up. “Hey, no barking though.”

“Are we considering that a win nowadays?”

“Do you see animal control anywhere?”

“Good point.”

Felix monitored your expression during the quiet interval that ensued—saw through the melancholy curve of your lips, the pensive slant of your gaze. There was a red tinge to the whites of your eyes that hadn’t been there before.

You saw him reach for you in your periphery. His fingers brushed a lock of hair behind the shell of your ear, remained there for three slow heartbeats, and then lifted away.

“Angel,” he murmured. “Talk to me.”

You shook your head. “It’s silly.”

“It’s not.” Not even ten seconds after the last time, he reached for you again, now to take your hand and bring it to his lap. “You know it’s not.”

“It’s just that—”

Felix thumbed over the ridges of your knuckles, his touch so gentle that it could’ve unraveled a chrysalis; it certainly unraveled you. You took a stabilizing breath.

“I wish could recognize my own happiness in the moment,” you sighed, “not just in retrospect. That way, even when it comes to an end, I’d still be able to look back and say with confidence that I was happy once. I’d like that, I think.”

His brows knit together as he processed your words, and, the next thing you knew, he left his swing trembling in his sudden absence and his trenchcoat became a black blur in the cold air.

Felix rested his elbows atop your knees as he knelt in front of you, cradled your face in his hands. He was achingly beautiful always, but you truly felt your breath swiped from your lungs at the new proximity of his ethereal features: petal-shaped eyes, wind-bitten cheeks, coral cupid’s bow. A painting.

“That’s easy enough,” Felix hummed. “How do you feel right now?”

You had zero agency in the smile this brought to your face. You wrapped your hands around his wrists, your answer quick, thoughtless. “Happy.”

He pressed his lips to the space between your eyes. “And now?”

“Happier.”

He pressed his lips to the curve of your jaw. “What about now?”

“Even happier.”

His gaze flickered to his final destination, but you beat him to it, sealing your mouth against his with urgency. The kiss that followed was so intensely loving that your head went fuzzy. How was it that you felt his adoration for you even in his pliant lips, his velvet tongue? You ran your fingers through the part of his hair. You loved when you could feel the locks flutter back into place afterwards.

“GET A ROOM!”

You and Felix pulled away from one another, wearing matching expressions of bewilderment. Byeol was approximately five Newtons away from soaring off into the stratosphere, her legs jostling around as she clung to her seat for dear life. It seemed your neighbor had a very aggressive way of seesaw-maneuvering. It seemed your cousin had a very aggressive vocabulary.

“Where did she learn—?” The two of you began in unison, then shot your heads back towards each other.

“It had to be you.”

“Outrageous—you’re the Australian here!”

“You cuss like one too!”

“Because of you!”

“So we’re just lying now?”

“Well, yes.”

Felix cracked a smile—and then the two of you were dying of laughter, his right eye squinting closed and your forehead thudding onto his shoulder. You hardly managed to get out your next words. “We have to do something about her vernacular, don’t we?”

“Oh, badly,” he replied. “Badly.”

After you expended your giggles, you nuzzled into the crook of his neck, blissful, glowing. “Thank you, baby.”

“What for?”

“Being my happiness.”

He angled your face back to his and kissed you once more, whispering I love you like it wasn’t enough that it graced your ears; he needed it embossed upon your flesh in permanent ink.

Your intermingled breaths floated up into the air like flare signals over a capsizing boat. Here marks the time we were happiest.

III. (besides myself)

He’s blonde.

That’s the first thing you notice when you see your ex-boyfriend on your aunt’s porch: the slightly off-white color of his silky tresses, grown out longer than you’ve ever seen, pushed off his forehead and tucked behind his ears.

It’s not the only thing you notice, of course. His face has thinned ever so slightly, the shadows thrown over his features by the streetlights behind him particularly opaque. His outfit is glorious, expensive, with the black blazer and white dress shirt, the top two buttons undone, the pendant of a silver necklace resting between toned collarbones. His hands are almost overflowing with what must be gifts for your family. It’s impossible to discern all of them from this distance, but you know the bouquet of white poinsettias is for your mom, the batch of brownies doused in sprinkles and icing for Byeol.

But the hair is where your gaze returns, because tucked among the platinum strands are black roots: millimeters of the color you grew to adore, peeking out as if trying to catch a glimpse of you, too.

You’re so occupied with this game of “I spy” that you don’t notice the rampant footsteps coming up behind you. Your six-year-old cousin collides with the back of your leg head-on and nearly topples you like a bowling pin.

“Is it him?” She asks breathlessly.

You come this close to berating her as you steady yourself against the wall—what did I say about treating human beings like couch cushions? But you look down to see her chin resting on the side of your thigh, her eager eyes shining so brightly that she puts her own namesake to shame. Your scolding tirade dissolves on your tongue like popping candy.

You simply sigh instead. “Yes, but—”

“BOKKIE!” She shrieks, and Felix’s head snap upwards at the sound of her voice. His tender smile melts some of the frost laminating your heart.

You crack open the door, making eye contact with Felix for the first time in six months.

“Put everything down. Quickly,” you whisper, and he obeys right away, alarmed by the urgency in your voice. A wise choice.

The last present has hardly touched down upon the wooden planks when Byeol wriggles through the doorway and charges towards Felix like an angered toro. He swivels at her bright holler of his name, lowers himself to a squat just barely in time to catch her in his embrace. The delighted laugh that leaves his mouth as he staggers backwards sounds like the sun itself; you feel lost in orbit hearing it again.

“Bokkie,” Byeol murmurs, her voice muffled in the dip of his shoulder, by the tightening of her arms around his neck.

“Hi, princess.” He kisses her temple, presses his nose against her hair. “Whoa, you’ve grown strong, haven’t you?”

“She takes taekwondo classes now,” you hum from above, and the shock in his face asks the very question that your poignant smile confirms. Yes, because of you.

Felix pulls away, cocoons her cheeks with cherishing hands. “Is that true?”

She bobs her head. “I want to be like Bokkie.”

And his eyes go impossibly, terribly soft, like he’s gazing at the horizon itself. The sight twists the knife in your gut and yanks on your tangled heartstrings. It’s all because of you.

“And kick some ass!” Byeol adds, knocking you out of your sentimental spiral. You clap a defeated hand to your forehead. Felix falls over himself. So much for fixing her vernacular.

A few minutes later, Byeol is pirouetting towards the kitchen with a couple of Felix’s smaller presents in her arms, all too happy to be of help. You linger behind as Felix takes off his shoes, your cousin’s departure leaving the two of you alone in the dim foyer.

Felix straightens. The two of you come face to face. The air hangs so heavily with unspoken words that you half expect it to start dripping.

“Hi,” he says.

You nearly laugh at the cruelty of it. The man you were certain you’d grow old with greeting you like you’ve been forced to sit next to each other on the first day of school.

“Hi,” you answer. “You look—”

The two of you say this last part in unison; old habits die hard.

“—nice,” you finish.

“—beautiful,” Felix breathes, his eyes flicking off to the side abashedly.

Your throat constricts, pulse quickens. Says you. If he was a painting before, you think he’s a sculpture now, his perfection as tangible as if hand-chiseled by the greatest artists of old. As clear as the sun’s beloved sea. You can’t tell if it’s his stylist’s doing or simply a product of him growing into himself.

“Thank you,” you reply quietly. “And thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for inviting me. I didn’t think you would.”

“I didn’t do it for me.”

No part of you wants to see the subtle wince that crosses his face at your statement, so you turn your gaze to his jewelry-laden hands instead.

For a split second, you swear you see the same promise ring settled in the same place on his middle finger. You realize what you’re really looking at only after blinking the phosphenes from your eyes: the thin tanline that it left behind. The realization fixes and destroys you all at once.

Then, Byeol starts wailing about Felix’s whereabouts like an actress hired to spare you from this very interaction.

“Her Highness beckons.” The smile you manage feels like drying cement. “Shall we?”

On your way to the kitchen, you notice the cologne emanating from his person smells only of citrus—no lavender. Its absence steadies you, deludes you into believing that it’s a stranger you’ve just let inside.

That illusion lasts for exactly three hours and forty-eight minutes.

It’s clear that the breakup has your family walking on eggshells, but it’s even clearer that their adoration for Felix has never wavered. You’ve never resigned yourself to the restroom so many times in one night, only to stand with your back against the door, unmoving, unfeeling, listening to the low thrum of his voice through the mahogany. Chatting comfortably with your aunt, bursting into laughter with Byeol, reminding you of the time you considered him family too.

With every glance you toss your reflection, you discover new cracks in your composure. Has he noticed them yet?

After you come out of the restroom for the sixth time, you notice a light spilling from Byeol’s bedroom into the hallway. A low Australian accent graces your ears, followed closely by a tinkling giggle, and your body nudges you towards the sounds before your head can intervene.

You give your cousin’s door a feather-light nudge. It opens a few centimeters more and grants you vision of Byeol tucked into bed, Felix knelt at her side. Both of their faces are illuminated by the flaxen light of the nearby lamp.

Felix brushes her choppy bangs out of her eyes, a teasing smile on his lips. “Can I tell you a secret, princess?”

This wrests from her another fluttering laugh; you swear he’s the only person in the whole world who makes her shy. “Sure!”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“Promise.”

“Not even Snernard.”

“M’kay.”

“Or Bong.”

“M’kay.”

“Especially not Trash the chicken. I don’t trust him.”

“I know, I know, I won’t!” Byeol huffs, and Felix laughs at her outburst. You also snort into your sleeve, amused (and deeply perplexed) by your cousin’s plushie-naming conventions.

“Thank you,” he hums, and he lowers his voice enough that you don’t catch the next thing he says.

All you perceive is the way that Byeol reacts. She sits up straight in bed, resting her back against her pillow. Her features rearrange themselves slowly, awfully, like the spread of cherry-flavored cough syrup over one’s sore throat, into the furthest thing from her trademark too-big-for-her-face smile.

Your stomach plummets to your fucking ankle.

“Why?” Her voice sounds microscopic.

“Well, do you remember what Bokkie’s dream job is?”

Byeol considers for a moment. “Being a singer?”

“That’s right.” He runs a knuckle over the hill of her cheek, the action achingly familiar, immensely fond. “And I found a place where I can do that, but it’s very, very far away. I won’t be able to come home very often.”

The telltale signs appear as he speaks; the final word sets them into motion. A tear streaks down the side of Byeol’s face. It hardly leaves the corner of her eye before it’s being intercepted by a doting swipe of his thumb.

“No,” she replies.

“You've grown so much.” Another tear falls. He wipes away that one, too. “You’re growing so well.”

“No,” she repeats.

“You’ve stolen the light of every star in the sky already. The whole galaxy will be yours someday, sweetheart. I know it.”

“I don’t want it,” she whispers. “I want my Bokkie.”

His vision starts to blur also. “But you don’t need me anymore.”

“We do.”

You know the precise moment Felix’s heart pauses in his chest because it is when yours does too.

“We?” He repeats, and she nods.

“Your dream job is being a singer.” Now Byeol is the one to reach for Felix, her delicate hand cupping the curve of his cheek. Her fingers are too small to catch his tears, she tries anyways��

“But what is your dream?”

It becomes too much for you.

You turn around. A choked sob escapes from behind the hand you have sealed to your mouth, causing both heads inside Byeol’s room to whirl in your direction. You don’t care that you nearly break both of your ankles beelining up the stairs; you only care to get the fuck out of that hallway.

You topple into your room, close the door behind you, and crumble.

Your quivering hands find purchase around your folded legs; your eyes squeeze shut against your knees. Rivulets of tears cascade over your shuddering lips like ruptured barrels of wine, left in the cellars of your soul to age, to spoil.

You never wanted your grief to see the light of day. Pouring your regret over every sidewalk wouldn’t change the past. Splashing your heartache across every wall like the world’s most fucked-up mural wouldn’t alleviate the pain of losing him. He was the one who left, but you were the one who’d asked him to. Feeling, yearning, mourning. Those always seemed so futile.

But you’re not just crying in this moment, rocking back and forth on your bedroom floor; you’re bleeding, the wounds you never treated igniting all at once as if exposed to vinegar, leaving you writhing and gasping in their wake. How you wish they’d been able to heal sooner. Maybe then seeing Felix tonight wouldn’t have splintered your soul like dropped porcelain.

Your door clicks open. Your breath hitches in your throat with a quiet scratch. The gulp of oxygen you intake tastes of oranges.

Every night before you fall asleep, you still think of the last time you visited the sea. The cool sand chafing against your toes, the coarse winds slapping your hair against your face hard enough to sting. The weather was terrible (you neglected to check the forecast before making the drive), but when you stepped onto the embittered coastline, you took what felt like the first real breath of your young adulthood. The fog melded to your skin as if melting a blindfold away, showing you the world in its entirety.

You return to that beach when Felix pulls you into his chest, and there’s no fog this time. Just the faint smell of lavender and your ocean, guaranteed to return after momentary departure.

Feverishly, Felix presses his lips to your temple, the apple of your cheek, rests his forehead against yours. Brokenly, he utters, “it’s you.”

You can feel his shaking in every part of him: the tickling breath, the fluttering eyelashes, the unsteady hand that reaches into the pocket of his blazer. You graze your fingers over his jaw, an attempt to steady his careening heart, only to lose yours in the fray also when he produces a small red box of unmistakable dimensions.

“God, it’s you. It always has been, always will be. Anything can change except for this.” His voice disintegrates as he speaks. You disintegrate as you listen. “Everything has changed besides myself.”

Felix leans back in to pepper kisses across the expanse of your wet features, then brings himself to one fated knee. He flicks open the lid. You don’t even spare the ring a glance; you don’t doubt its perfection. All you care to look at is the love of your life, deliquesced to adoration and tearwater.

“Thank you for being around, my dream.” His soft smile tends to your scars like ambrosia. “Will you let me do the same?”

🔖 (send an ask to be added)・@astraystayyh・@like-a-diamondinthesky・@fire-08・@starsandrqindrops・@txtxlz・@laylasbunbunny・@strayghibli・@nuronhe・@seungminsapuppy・@vivisoni・@skzms・@moon0fthenight・@sweetpickledjins・@svintsandghosts・@nhyunn ・@ur-boyfiend ・@liknws・@hotgorloikawa・@randomwimp ♡

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xiatarot · 11 months ago

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pick a pile: how do they feel about you?

< choose an image >

for entertainment purposes only.

take what resonates, leave what doesn't. ♡

your person sees you as someone that changed them for the better. communication with you for them has always been very introspective and your words and way of doing things always pushed them to become the best version of themselves. they see you as someone very kind and sweet, someone nurturing and full of love who likes to take care of the people in their life and make them happy. you make them feel very calm, i’m hearing ‘like coming back home after a long day at work’. they hold so much respect and admiration towards you. a lot of affection as well.

i’d be surprised if you and this person were in communication right now, because it seems like there’s distance between you two and a lot has been left unsaid. i don’t think this person has ever told you how they feel about you, i feel like they want to keep this hidden, so if they’re acting really distant and not communicating, that’s why.

they have a lot of anxiety towards this situation, because they want to come forward and open up their heart to you, but they might fear rejection or a situation that won’t go anywhere. i think that if they want to have something with you, they want it to be secure and long lasting. despite their fears, i do think they’re gonna come forward and very soon as well. they have a lot they want to say to you but as of now they’re still just daydreaming about it.

when they do come forward, they’re going to do it in a very lighthearted way, they might crack some jokes here and there or just act like they don’t care much, but they’ll be freaking out on the inside. they will want to test the waters first and then they might drop a bomb on you very unexpectedly, telling you how they truly feel. you might be caught off guard.

zodiac signs: taurus, leo, sagittarius

channeled song:

get your personal reading here: ♡

II.

your person definitely has romantic feelings for you, however i don’t think they’re ready to tell you that. you might be in the same friend group or have just known each other for a very long time, i’m hearing childhood friends. it seems like they’re scared to open up because they’re not really sure about how you feel and if they told you and you didn’t accept their feelings, things between you two would become awkward and they don’t want to lose the connection you two already have. if they want to come forward, they want to make sure that they’re not risking losing your friendship in the midst of it all.

they might’ve tried to open up to you in the past, maybe in a social setting, because i’m seeing them regretting not doing it and wondering how things would be now if they did. you’re really a dream come true to this person and inside of them they’re very determined to make your friendship more than just that but i think that when they see you all of their courage turns into weakness, and they let their insecurities and fears take over.

they might be putting a facade on, in order not to let you know how they truly feel, and that is hurting them deeply. they’re giving me a very frustrating energy.

you and this person could have had past lives together.

they might ask you indirect questions sometimes in order to understand if there’s a possibility of you reciprocating their feelings. i think the universe is kinda pushing them towards you so that you two can finally be together.

zodiac signs: aquarius, taurus, leo

channeled song:

get your personal reading here: ♡

III.

this person is fighting with their feelings right now. i feel like they do have strong romantic feelings for you but they’re just not ready to acknowledge them at the moment, so they’re trying to convince themselves that they don’t feel anything, but, big spoiler, they do, and it’s a lot. i feel a very very strong sexual energy, so if you were intimate with this person i feel like they just can’t get it out of their head. maybe they expected this to just be a physical thing, but it turned out they want more with you. this could be someone that’s not used to genuine romantic relationships and just prefers to keep things physical. could be a bit of a control freak too, and that’s why this situation is very frustrating for them.

they do want to open up and tell you about this but i feel like their ego is way too strong right now and they’re letting it lead them. they could be making up excuses as to why they can’t tell you about this or how things could go terribly wrong if they did. this person will have to figure out some stuff, do some shadow work and understand the reason why they act the way they do before they can commit to someone and have a healthy relationship.

they might be acting cold towards you and i wouldn’t be surprised if they ghosted you even. there’s a lot going on internally for them and i feel like you unconsciously triggered some stuff that they’ve been trying to suppress for a very long time.

as of now i don’t see them coming towards you in the near future because they need to work on themselves, and my advice for you would be to detach and just let things flow. focus on yourself and your needs and if this person is destined to be in your life, they will be when the time is right.

zodiac signs: leo, aquarius, gemini, libra

channeled song:

get your personal reading here: ♡

#tarot #love tarot reading #tarot cards #daily tarot #tarot community #tarot deck #tarot reader #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #xiatarot #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #pick an image #Spotify

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sweetkpopmusings · 2 months ago

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miserable (you & me) | h. jisung <3

a/n: jisung unlocks a part of me that is deeply emotional and romantic like ...... i love and cherish him so much :-( i really got in my feels with this one, and i hope you enjoy a glimpse into what i think being loved by jisung is like <3 also yes i gave him my favorite lyric of the song as a treat because his lyrics pull me apart and put me back together every time :,-) pics not mine~

content: angst, happy ending | wc: 1.3k | warnings: none really! | pairing: jisung x gn!reader | requests:open

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

“i don’t wanna lose a part of me, you are my heart, you know?”

jisung couldn’t believe he was living out an overplayed scene in every book, movie, song, and tv show ever created. maybe some clichés were just universal experiences. if that were true, staring out blankly at flashing lights on the tarmac after the plane touches the ground must be a rite of passage for every modern human. his body barely registered the number of hours suspended in the air, as his mind only focused on one thing: you. if asked about the music he listened to during the flight, he wouldn’t know how to answer. truthfully, he didn’t listen to anything other than the internal chant of your name mixed with alternate beats of i’m sorry and i wish i said so sooner.

jisung barely survived the past few weeks. existing with love and heartbreak in one body simultaneously sounds made-up, but that was jisung’s reality after he walked away that night. a reality he created and regretted more than anything.

it was classic. both of you were stressed from too many things going wrong in your lives, and the agitation bled into your conversations and actions. even your facial expressions were tinged with negative emotions not meant for each other. then, as it so often happened, one wrong sentence ruined everything.

you knew jisung didn’t mean it when he said “if you’re so unhappy every time you see me, then why do you keep inviting me over?”

but he said it, and you heard it, and it hurt.

though jisung’s face fell at the sound of his words, all you could think to say was, “i think you should go. you have an early flight tomorrow.”

jisung stood there, mouth open, waiting for words–the right ones–to come out of his mouth. the silence hung in the air for too long. he saw your eyes glistening with tears, and he didn’t want his presence to be the reason the tears fell. again, out of exhaustion and fear of a fight, he said the wrong thing.

“okay, i’ll go.”

jisung’s heart broke when all you replied was, “safe travels.”

neither of you made a promise to see each other after jisung returned. both of you assumed you would see each other as soon as he was back, but both of you feared that the other person wouldn’t want to reunite. somehow words unsaid weighed on both of you more than the misspoken ones. but it felt too late. neither of you knew if continuing the conversation tonight was right, so neither of you said anything. jisung’s plane took him away the next morning, and you couldn’t find the courage to close the distance between you two any time soon.

that fear hung over jisung for the entire trip. it ate him up inside, yet he didn’t have the courage to face it. for weeks, he felt frozen. then, perhaps from the adrenaline of finally being in the same city as you again, he found the courage.

as soon as he unlocked his front door, jisung threw his bag on the floor, and, without a second thought, he turned on his heel and rushed to your place. he didn’t care if he had to wait at your doorstep all night and well into the morning. jisung could not, would not rest until he apologized to your face. you deserved that. if his words were what hurt you, then you deserved a million more kind words from him until you were healed.

his heart was about to burst out of his chest during the seconds between his knock on your door and you pulling it open. you were so beautiful to jisung, and your beauty became more profound when he saw you again. he felt he could cry looking at you in your doorway. even he hadn’t realized how deeply he had missed you until you were within arms’ reach.

everything had felt so far away for so long, but, with you, finally, jisung felt connected to everything around him. he felt like he could breathe for the first time when he heard your soft hello. he felt the world start spinning again when you said his name. he felt his heartbeat return to his chest, replacing the dull ache that had filled it since he turned his back to you that night.

“i’m sorry.”

a small, instinctive smile flickered on your face at the sound of his voice, “come inside.”

jisung nodded, shaking from the desire to spill his heart out to you. thankfully, you sensed this, and you gave him the space to make things right again.

“i’m so, so sorry, y/n. i know i shouldn’t have left that night like that, and i know i should’ve apologized sooner. there are so many things to say to you, and you don’t owe it to me to listen. i just need you to know i’m sorry and i regret what i said and did that night. you didn’t deserve that.”

jisung paused. he held your gaze, eyes very clearly filling with tears. he waited for your permission to continue speaking, which you gave with a nod. he blinked, took a deep breath, and filled himself with equal parts courage and love for you.

“i also regret not saying anything, anything at all, sooner. i got in my head. i was so scared that saying ‘i’m sorry’ over text wasn’t enough, and i felt it was unfair to talk like normal when things clearly weren’t normal. i needed you to know how sorry i am. then, as the days passed, i realized a phone call wouldn’t be enough either. well, that, and i was so scared you wouldn’t answer my call. i would’ve deserved it, but a rejected phone call somehow felt more painful than a prolonged silence, so i didn’t call. i’m a coward, i know, and i am sorry for that too. that’s why i’m here.”

jisung paused again, wiping his tears before gently holding your hands in his own, “you can kick me out as soon as i say my last word. i won’t fight you on it. i hate that i hurt you right before getting on the flight. i missed you so much that i lost my mind. i never want to feel that lost again. i never want to lose you. so i’m sorry. i will do everything you need me to, just so i can make things right again. you are my everything, and you deserve more than everything i can give you.”

tears fell from your eyes this time, which made jisung cry even more. the way you looked at him as you took in his apology gave him hope. he raised his hands to wipe your tears and then cradled your face softly. you were enveloped in his love and the relief that, despite the mistakes, he chose to come back to you. he kept his promise to choose you every time. that was more than enough proof that his apology was real.

your hands covered his, and you smiled despite sniffling, “i forgive you, jisung. thank you for apologizing, and thank you for coming here tonight.”

jisung felt as though he could sob and shout from the rooftops in joy. you forgave him. he hadn’t lost you. his heart would be complete again.

“thank you, y/n. that means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

a comfortable, tender silence washed over you in your living room. you held each other, cherishing the distance disappearing. this was how things were meant to be. this was what you and jisung would always work for, no matter what got in the way, because the shared space between you was the strongest center of gravity you knew.

once all of the tears dried, jisung smiled brightly and confessed, “i really missed you so much. you are my heart, you know?”

familiar butterflies filled your stomach in response to jisung’s sweet, romantic words, “i missed you too, jisung. i’m so happy to have you back. more than you’ll ever know.”

the way jisung smiled at you made you think that maybe, just maybe, he knew exactly how happy you were.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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sooluving · 7 months ago

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hey hey!!! may i please request a smut w perv!soobin and chubby reader? like in a friend group party sort of situation?

omgg yess i love it, i hope you like it anonn<33 and thanks bcs you're my first rq😽

i can see you

w: not much plot, smut, semi-public sex, strangers to ???, breast play, oral(both receiving), pulling out, unprotected sex, pervdom!soobin, sub!femreader, non-idol au, panty stealing(? not proof reading

i didn't know how to name it so it's just a taylor song with this vibes😆

he knew who you were before the party at beomgyu's house started. yeonjun always said that he would introduce you, his new friend from college, to them but never did and he wouldn't really care about that until he saw you walk towards them to say hello to yeonjun.

you smiled to yeonjun and you hugged him, then turned to soobin to introduce yourself. he gave you a little smile and did the same, when you turned your attention to yeonjun again he took his time to check you out and was so delighted with the view; you were so beautiful and that dress allowed him to appreciate your body. he was going to get hard when stared at your tummy and then your breasts, he swears they fit perfectly in his hands and his mouth. he had to fuck you that same night.

"hey, wanna dance?" he asked interrupting whatever yeonjun was saying, "yes please, i need to" you smiled and said to yeonjun that you'll see him later, you only went to parties to dance honestly and this guy soobin also called your attention, the glances he gave you while talking to yeonjun were making you a little wet. you couldn't resist to such a tall and handsome man.

"soobin" you moaned while he had you pinned against the door of one of the rooms you found empty upstairs after some minutes dancing when his hands never stopped touching you shameless.

"you're so hot, can't believe yeonjun never showed you to me" soobin grabbed your ass and squeezed hard, you sighed and kissed him deeply, saliva running down your chin. " but we met now and i want you to fuck me, please" he took your your face and loved how you seemed so needy biting your pretty lips. they'd look prettier around his cock.

he kissed you and slowly brought you to your knees, "why don't you show me first how much you want my cock inside you?" you felt your jaw already hurt when you saw his dick, the biggest you had and your cunt was dripping. "open up, pretty" he put his cock in front of your lips and you kissed it before taking all in your mouth, trying so hard to make it fit, you took the rest with your hands and relaxed your throat. you wanted to feel him all inside. you looked up to him just to feel even more wet, he was looking at you so hungrily and growling, soobin laid his hand on the door and put the other in your hair to ram in your mouth hardly making you gag and moan around his cock. he stopped and kept you with his cock in your throat a few seconds before cumming. you swallowed and coughed when he released you,

"you're so good for me," soobin grabbed you and put you on the sink and pull up your dress "now let me do the same for you, baby", he leaned to kiss you and spread your legs apart. "i want to taste your pussy so much" he went down to your cunt and moved your panties to the side. he licked his lips "the prettiest I've ever seen and all for me" soobin was like a starved man, devouring you, tongue fucking you and sucking your clit, almost making out too. you couldn't stop moaning, trying to be more silent but was so hard with soobin treating your cunt like his last meal.

he raised his hand to your chest and reached your dress neckline and lowered it to squeeze your tit and play with your nipple, "soobin, please," soobin knew you were ready to cum and he wanted to drink all of you, his thumb started to stimulate you and that was all to the poor you; he licked and kissed your clit one last times "fuck I'm going to make you feel so good again, you look more beautiful when you cum"

soobin took your panties off and without you noticing he put it in his pocket, he'll probably jerk off with them thinking of this.

he brought you closer to him and just pounded into you, your moans were almost screams and you loved it, didn't even care about who was knocking the door. you could only think about soobin's cock going hard and deep inside you, feeling ready to cum again.

soobin was delighted with your breasts bouncing, your nipples were calling him and he couldn't say no, he kissed and sucked your tits, tried to bury his face between them and he felt about to cum. he went harder and started to kiss you and stimulate your sensitive nipples, "soobin im gonna cum" you cried "yes pretty, cum in my cock, i want to feel you" he moaned too and you reached your high with your legs trembling

"let me cum on your tits baby, please" he said and you were already on your knees in front of him when he pulled out, soobin took was amazed with that image of you, ready to take his load on your beautiful tits and he couldn't keep it anymore, he jerked off a few times more and your chest was all white with his cum. you smiled and cleaned his dick with your tongue, "we need to repeat this in a better place, baby" soobin mumbled watching you stand up

"at my place would be awesome next time, love" you said with a grin and he kissed you. God it was so addictive.

bye I'm nervous, i didn't know how to end this soo😭 i feel soobin loves to kiss and make out a lottt

#soobin smut #soobin hard hours #soobin x reader #choi soobin #soobin hard thoughts #tomorrow by together #txt hard hours #txt smut #txt x reader #soobin #txt soobin

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bigtreefest · 7 months ago

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Essie’s Summer Lovin’ 300 Follower Celebration!!

I can’t believe it, but I’ve hit 300 followers! Thank you so much for everyone who has helped me get here and all the encouragement and love you’ve shown me. You have no idea how much it means💗 *please excuse the terrible graphic that I made on my lunch break. I tried, I swear. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🤷🏻‍♀️

For the occasion, I’m hosting a writing event! I’d love for you, yes you! to join in the celebration!! I know what you’re thinking: ‘well Essie, how do I do that?’ Let me tell you!!

Gather up all the sweet, summer vibes you can muster, along with one or multiple of the prompts listed below, and write a fic! Prompts and rules below!

Prompts:

*feel free to adjust them accordingly to work better in your fic

- pick your favorite summer song and use it to inspire your fic (optional, and very much not necessary, but encouraged. I love the songs of summer)

Scenarios:

- a character gets a sunburn

- someone lost their bathing suit in the ocean/pool

- a popsicle dripping down someone’s skin

- sand. Sand everywhere.

- beach games got a little too rough

- reading and someone gets the book wet

- putting a flower behind their ear

- babe is a surfer

- watching a sunrise/sunset together

- a long drive together

- putting sunscreen on one another

- rain spoils your summer outdoor plans

- bonfire

- catching fireflies

Quotes:

- “it hurts when I _____” “then stop doing that”

- “I wore this purposely because I thought the tan line would drive you crazy.”

- “what do you mean you didn’t pack snacks?”

- “here, you can share with me”

- “aw man, that was the last one”

- “I’ve got something else you can lick”

- “ew, gross. That’s not what I thought would happen today”

- “who thought a place with mosquitoes was a good idea?”

- “yeah. I know” “I didn’t mean I was hot in that way”

- “you know that one’s my favorite”

- “we’re not supposed to be in here” / “not here”

- “why’s it…sticky?”

Kinks:

- praise

- size

- daddy

- equal partnership? That’s my kink.

- breeding

- oooo! hand

- public sex/trying not to get caught

- overstimulation

Tropes:

- friends to lovers

- enemies to lovers

- hurt/comfort

- last summer together before going separate ways🥺

- vacation fling cut short by having to go home

Environments:

- beach

- pool

- lake house

- ice cream shop/stand

- inside in the ac

- a bar

- resort/hotel

- out on the water/ in a boat

Rules/How to Play:

- Character/love interest must be a CE babe/Bucky (no other Seb babes, however you may be able to make a case for boedecker or destroyer Chris)

- No deeply dark themes, including noncon, murder and death, toilet stuff, incest, or anything you think would be too intense for my poor heart. Dubcon, stepcest, and soft!dark are allowable if you just keep it light and find it necessary, but use your discretion please

- Posts should be at least 300 words, with no upper limit! Please us a ‘read more’ past 150

- fics should be stand-alone. If they are part of a series, they should be able to be read alone.

- tag me @bigtreefest and put the tags #essie’s summer lovin’ 300 follower celebration #summer lovin’ celebration and #essie’s 300 follower special so I can reblog you and add your fic to the Masterlist!!

- be inclusive and considerate!!

- make/write as many posts as you’d like!

- this will run from Sunday, July 13 to Wednesday, July 31, 2024. Late entries will be accepted through the end of summer.

- happy writing and thank you for celebrating with me!!

Tagging those who interacted with my post gauging interest, but all are welcome to join!!

@stargazingfangirl18 @krirebr @ronearoundblindly @witchywithwhiskey @thezombieprostitute @darsynia @jesevans @navybrat817 @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @brandycranby @universitypenguin @gone-to-fight-the-fairies @delicatebarness @biteofcherry @dreamtinblackandwhite @levans44

#Essie’s summer lovin’ 300 follower celebration #summer lovin’ celebration #Essie’s 300 follower special #CE characters #Seb characters #Chris Evans #Sebastian Stan #300 followers #300 follower challenge #300 follower celebration

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morimemichael · 8 months ago

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The title of your work "pretty boy" reminded me of beautiful boy the song, imagine a hurt/comfort where brahms is reminded of his traumas and how his face was distorted into something people are consistently afraid of but m/gn reader comforts him and calls him his beautiful boy while big spooning brahms and carding your fingers thru his hair.

Aaaa 😭 the title actually I got inspirated from the song, but this is so cute, I feel the urge to right it ❤️ sorry it took me a couple of days to answer 🥹

Beautiful Boy

WG: Hurt/confort, angst

Brahms couldn’t stop watching himself on the dusty old mirror he had on his made up bedroom in the walls. It’s like the furniture was calling for him. Big and a little bit redish his scar was showing, and that’s what he couldn’t stop seeing. He hated it so very much, that he wishes he could just tore that part of his face apart. His other side of his face was okay, could be kissed and touched, and somewhere deep down inside of him, perturbed him as well. Cause, who would find him attractive with a face like his? Who would want to kiss him? Or even see him without his mask? It tore him apart every time he thinks about it.

No one is gonna ever love me like this…

Of course he was wrong, cause you came along and to his surprise you stayed. Not only cause you wanted to, but because you found Brahms fairly attractive. At first he thought you were lying that you were saying such nice things to calm him down and to keep him in line, but you weren’t. A burning scar wasn’t gonna stop you from loving this man. Everything about him caught your attention and you were interested enough to spend time with him.

You caught him in the act of watching himself. Touching his ‘bad side’ with one of his hands, you could swear you heard him sobbing.

“What’s wrong Brahms?” You asked politely.

“Oh..i-it’s nothing sweetheart.” He stated, trying to cover the mirror. But it was too late for that, you already saw him staring into it.

“Come on Brahms, what is it?” You insist, knowing that eventually he would give in and tell you.

“It’s just that…I guess I can’t really believe that actually somebody wants me, having my face like-” You didn’t let him finish when you finish the sentence for him.

“Like what? Burnt?" You asked.

"Yes…" This poor young man, you thought. You were always assurring him that you love him no matter what. Even so, it seems he still didn’t quite believe you did.

It’s not like you mind reminding him that you care deeply for him. After all it was true. What started as days became weeks, and then months and you no longer could tell how many time you spent with him already. But you were not leaving, not any time sooner.

“I love you Brahms, just the way you are. I wouldn’t change anything about you.” You approach him and hold his face in your hands, your left thumb caressing his burnt side tenderly. He looked at you as saying ‘you mean it?’

“I mean it babe…” You smiled down at him, he hold you close to him and hugged you. His face resting against your bellybutton.

“I love you sweetheart, very deeply.” He said.

“Me too, Brahms.” You tangled your fingers in his hair and pet it.

It was already late and the bed time stroke as always. You took Brahms to his bed and kiss him goodnight as always, and proceeded to lay down next to him, big spooning him to sleep.

“You’re my beautiful, beautiful boy, Brahms…” You whispered to him while carding your fingers thru his hair, soothing every doubt he could have about his appearance away.

#brahms heelshire #brahms heelshire x reader #the boy #brahms the boy #the boy 2016 #brahms x reader #soothing brahms

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xxkiller-muffinxx · 1 year ago

Text

That's my girl

John Dory x reader part 2/2

Summary: John Dory shows up out of nowhere (again), but with that he brings trouble, the trouble of the mind and the heart.

Words: 2582

Warnings: too much fluff, it hurts- also still no color coding cuz I'm lazy and when I'm writing this its almost midnight.

A/N: welp, this is longer than my usual. Yeah this is part 2 to a thing that honestly wasn't supposed to be in parts, but new years was banging so you know I had to. Little Thing, if the caterpillar snail confuses you, imagine a motor bike, I tried to word it better: but some things are just not made to make sense. Aso don't judge the gif choice man, desperate times come for desperate measures. I forgot to add tags again 😔

➷➹➷

For a while, you kept your distance again. Wondering how this all happened. How everything went downhill for you so fast. Now that you have the house to yourself you now have a lot of dead air to think about. (Your dad’s not dead, he just wanted to seek a path in white water rafting. Whatever that means.)

You silently read an old scrapbook, it was your favorite genre and you loved just sitting down and getting to the end. Especially on rainy days like these. Right as you got to the climax there was a knock on the door. Admittedly you aggressively rolled your eyes.

You closed the book and set it aside, who's knocking at this hour? Right before midnight? Your book needs reading! your fish needs walking! You don’t have a fish, you're just irritated, you can’t read your book. As you closed in on the door you stopped. What if it’s an intruder? Or worse, a monster who suddenly gained the sentience to knock! You would never know until-

“Buttercup?” John Dory’s voice shakes through the door, There’s faster knocking. “It's cold out here!”

You've never opened a door so fast in your life.

As soon as John made it inside you glared hard at him. You wanted to scold him but your silent anger was getting nowhere. He was too busy admiring the inside of your home. Then his eyes landed on you.

You breathed heavily, walking over to grab your book and then walking back to him. He gave you the same dumb, doe-eyed look he always does when he's gotten himself in a bit of trouble. You gently slapped the book on his stomach then walked to put it on the shelf. His quiet shocked laugh brought you back to the center.

You pointed for him to sit and quickly made him some hot cocoa perfect for the season. You walked over and sat next to him. Handing him the glass. “Thanks Buttercup. You mean the world to me.” He chugged the hot cocoa, just fast enough to not catch the break in your calmness traded for bashfulness.

When you calm back down, you cross your arms. Your nose flaring and your lip pouting. John looks you in the eyes, his lips pursing as he thought about a good response. “Can you blame me? You have me wrapped around your finger.” He says playfully.

Your eyebrow raises. You don’t flinch or retreat. You narrow your eyes at him. His grin falls as he catches your unwavering worry. “I uh. I just missed you. It’s been a week and I wanted to see you. At least once.” When you didn’t accept that as an answer he got a little frustrated. “I know that isn't a good excuse but what do you want from me? To let the one person I've had close in years just drop out like that?”

Your other eyebrow raised, silently asking if he was okay. Then in a moment you caught his cockiness slip. That's when you knew something was wrong. You leaned forward and looked into his eyes ruffling his hair to gain his attention. His eyes met yours and it didn't take him long to pull out a vinyl. “It's the only way I could talk about my feelings to you without being a coward.” he blushed deeply. You cock your eyebrow again then roll your eyes. You stood up and went to put it on your record player.

(feel free to listen then move on or not listen at all)

As the song plays, you listen to the lyrics, your back to John as you listen to the words. His soft voice played on the track and you could almost hear the sweat dripping from his forehead. You were too focused on the lyrics to even look at him.

Your skin, oh, yeah, your skin and bones.

Turn into something beautiful

You know, you know I love you so

You know I love you so.

Then it clicked. This wasn't him just showing you a brozone song. No, no heaven knows you listened to Brozone’s music and it's nothing like this. This is gentle and soft. Not throw yourself into a dance song, but that's what you wanted to do. Take his hand and gently dance with him.

However, when you realize that's wanted, the song is already over. You took a while to realize it, but what had transpired wasn't platonic. Not anymore. It was the bridge that led two ways. You just had to figure out which was which.

“Yeah-” John’s voice cuts you free from your mind. “It's not much, it's kind of rushed. Is that weird? That you were gone for a week and I realized I…I can't even say it out loud. I'm…interested. In you. I wanted to see if you wanted to see where this was going.”

You turn around finally, your hand covering your mouth and your otheraying across your stomach. You wondered how you probably looked crazy, but you didn't care. At least not until he pointed out what should have been obvious. You were crying.

“Buttercup! I didn't mean, oh shoot I didn't think that I'd- I'm sorry I take it back!” He gently began panicking. The pacing panic. You wiped your face and looked at your hands, sure enough you were crying. You shook your head, unsure how to tell him that you were okay, just moved by the fact he'd write a song for you.

He took that as rejection and frowned. “Yeah. Yeah. I get it. It's okay. I understand.” he was about to turn around when you grabbed his arm. Damning your inability to speak. You looked around for a piece of pen and paper. However, there was nothing. (you were not writing in your precious book.)

You were scrambling, trying to communicate, but you were only tearing up and crying more. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. Your eyes watery and your nose red and puffy. He looked away then looked at you. “I am so confused right now.” JD squeezed your hand in return.

You did the unexpected. In a fit of confused, misguided, and intolerant anger. You grabbed his face and kissed him. Right then and there. When you pulled away your eyes were wide and so were his. You were about to move away when he just pulled you back in for another kiss.

The second kiss is more sweet and dedicated than the first, your hands moving to gently press into his chest. His hands gently held your head and waist as if you were to fall. It made you feel safe.

Then you both pulled away relaxing into your spots across from each other and your face turned beet red again. How dare he need that good of a kisser? you were just proving a point and now you're the one wrapped around his finger. You try to look away but with his hand snugly holding your head, you couldn't physically do so.

In silence, John Dory’s smile grew from a smirk to a dopey grin. You felt a wave of embarrassment pass through you. “Sweet mother of all things Trolly! You never cease to surprise me Buttercup!” he wrapped his arms around you and lifted you up, spinning you around as you giggled very softly again. He then pulled you in for a hug. “I'm glad you feel the same. You don't know how much it means to me.”

You guys stayed in a hug for a while. He was holding you so tight that it felt like he'd never let go, ever. Then you got an idea. You pulled away first, and that admittedly made him confused. You walked to the record player and played his song again. Offering him your hand.

He laughed, grabbing your hand and pulling you in for a dance. Not a fast dance, just a slow dance, A comfortable dance. Youve never felt so warm and cozy in your life. Maybe your book can wait for a few more hours. You're not in a rush.

⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠

For the next few years you would have a casual relationship. To the point where no one inherently knew you were dating until John would make some sweet comment about you with your back turned.

As you rode gently into your 30s John was right there beside you. Celebrating each birthday, bigger than the last. You were grateful you got stuck with a guy like John, every day was like a gossip story and he'd tell you every fact about Brozone there ever was. You soon became the team’s number-one fan.

That was, until the unexpected happened. John Dory received a message from his brother that he was in danger. Locked in a diamond prison that only the perfect family harmony could save him from.

“So I have to find my brothers, then save Floyd.” He’d proclaim to you. You raised an eyebrow as you picked up his mess in the bus, he'd probably be taking it and if there were any guests you'd want them to be comfortable. “You know…” he turned around to greet you, walking to throw the trash in the bin outside.

You gave him a look, you knew what he was going to say. “You could come with me, meet my brothers? Join in on the adventure?” he’d ask before you shook your head. You gestured outside and then walked up to him to gently kiss his cheek. “Yeah, I get it, but you're still meeting my brothers, I don't know what I'll have to do for that to happen but you will.” he kissed your forehead and got behind the wheel. You let him know you love him then walk out of his bus to not wait any longer.

You walk to the front of the bus and pet the armadillo before stepping back, and waving goodbye. As he left a pit rolled up in your stomach. A worry pit. You felt like you should've gone with him, but you'd only slow him down. So you went inside. Deciding its a good time to catch up on some reading.

⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠

You learned to live with the pit after a while, you used a small messenger creature to send little I love you notes, but you haven't gotten anything in return. It made it worse, and then right as it neared sundown on the second day he was gone, you had had enough. You walked outside. Going to the corner to pull something out of your sleeve that he’d never expect.

⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠⏡⏠

After the show, John was laughing backstage at something Clay said, holding his stomach as him and his brothers all laughed in unison. He was the first to stop laughing, and when he did. He saw his entire family. Laughing together as if it were the holidays. Which is around a troll’s happiest time.

All that was missing was…

JD’s eyes shot up and he placed a hand on your forehead. “Oh shoot, Buttercup! Oh geez-” he looked up dusting himself and pulling his jacket more clothed and preparing to leave when Bruce chimes in.

“Where are you headed, John?” He’d ask. His voice laced with familiar suspicion. The entire room looks at him, as if awaiting the incredible response he'd spew out now. John stuttered quietly. Then leaned on a wall next to him.

“I have a misses I have to get home to thank you very much.”

There was silent, for a whole minute straight until laughter amongst the brothers (except Floyd honestly) rang out. Everyone's eyes briefly snapped to them. Viva slapped Clay’s arm and he went quiet for a second only to start dying laughing again. Branch wiped a tear and crossed his arms. “You? You have a “misses”? you're just full of surprises.”

JD laughs softly, confused, his brothers are laughing “I'm serious, they're perfect. I want you all to meet them so badly, but they stayed to take care of things there.” He crosses his arms tight over his chest, deciding to just smile through the pain.

JD ignored all the mindless snorts and chuckles after that comment, or tried to anyway. He shook his head “ you'll see, I'll introduce them to you guys and I'm gonna be laughing at you guys!” He walks out to the stage to head home that way.

He grumbled slightly, angry that his brothers would doubt him, but could you blame them? They are brothers after all. he's not grumbling for long because the sound of a growling animal snaps him out of his thoughts. Within an instant, something shoots from the dark, surrounding him in a dirt cloud and the sound of a creature going “meeeeeeeeh” like a motorcycle.

John screamed, a comically loud scream. That attracted everyone inside. They all rushed out only to see the scene unfolding before them. “Hey!” Branch was the first to yell. “Leave our brother alone!” the others banded together and got into fighting poses until everything stopped.

The loud noises, fast movements, and it was just silence for ten seconds until emerging from the cloud was a figure with bucket helmet, and sunglasses over the front. The creature they were riding on was some sort of caterpillar snail, similar to a motorbike.

John looked up at the figure and grinned awkwardly. When the person takes off their mask he gasps louder than he's ever gasped before “BUTTERCUP!” He shoots up. Wrapping you in his arms and lifting you high into the air.

You giggle and wrap your arms around his head until he puts you down. You take off your shades and swing your hair a little bit to get rid of the helmet shape. He was so excited to see you he could explode. “You gave me a good scare, I'm sorry I didn't go home right after saving Floyd I just had to catch up with everyone and do a show with them one last time, you had to see the show, in fact, I think someone recorded it, I'll get that to you as fast as possible!”

“Who is that?” Clay asked, a bit too accusingly. You blush and hide behind JD in fear. He crackles and pushes you forward.

He holds you tight as he introduces you by name. “They are my buttercup, my everything. The one who kept me afloat during all my turmoil. The one who-” You slap him in his arm, causing him to laugh. You bow your head to greet them.

Then you all gather around to talk, enjoying meeting the brothers for the first time. Branch is just the definition of sweet and sour, his girlfriend is the whole package everything you'd want in a party planner honestly. Floyd was the perfect sweetheart and Clay was fun to watch with his small misadventures with Viva. Bruce was definitely the one who talked to you the most, asking you genuine questions about why the hell John dory of all people. You answered as modestly as possible, not having an answer at that moment.

Then you caught sight of John wallflowering. You frowned and walked over, leaning on the same wall he was. He smiled at you, his gaze lingering oh yours for a minute before he kissed your cheek gently. You raised a brow. He laughed softly. “That's my girl.” he’d say before wrapping an arm around you lovingly.

End

#Spotify #fanfiction #trolls #trolls band together #trolls fandom #trolls fanfic #trolls fanfiction #trolls franchise #trolls x reader #dreamworks trolls #trolls 3 #john dory trolls #john dory x reader #trolls john dory #john dory #M

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grapejuicestyless · 9 months ago

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So Long, London

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Years and years of love and affection couldn’t amount to the floods of tears that flooded the once prosperous city you danced through.

From a young age I’ve always wondered what death feels like. Those who have experienced it aren’t here to tell us their stories. Would it hurt, could I feel it clenching my heart in its dark grasp or would I sigh in my sleep and let the darkness take me with no sense of slipping away.

As I walk down the old roads I used to dance on, I understand the concept of it better now that my heals hit the concrete like bullet shells falling to the floor. The vibrant red brick seemed duller nowadays, moss covering the once new white concrete holding all these places I often visited together.

To me, death wasn’t the last breath of air in my lungs escaping, it wasn’t the melodic beeping of the machines beside me in a hospital room, but something that drowned me from the inside out.

His smell is stuck to all my clothes, his smile carved into the back of my phone case from the polaroids of us I kept for keepsakes for years. I can still hear his voice, it’s all around me in the people passing by on the street, the same accent fresh in my mind, his last words knives in my heart.

He swore that he loved me, but where were the clues? I died at the alter waiting for the proof. His green eyes flashing with mischief as he lied to my heart to keep me close, his bluest days tainting my mind, my endless sympathy forcing me to stay even with the gun stuck against the back of my head.

I don’t remember the end, only the feeling of my spine splitting under the weight of his body as I pulled him in closer each time he slipped out of reach. Only the fading of his smile as I gave up trying to make him laugh after so many failed attempts. The heart was dead, I stopped CPR after all, there was no use. Our love was long dead, lying buried with our faltering spirits. He killed me when he killed our relationship, two graves dug with one gun.

He swore that he loved me, and his face looked just like the man who said it to me and meant it, so I believed him as he led me down the street with his hands in his pockets.

For so long, I loved london. My clothes out of place, made for the states and carried across to my home where he laid in the dimming light of our sunroom. For so long, I held him and guided his heart to mine, I let him take parts of me I’ll never be able to rebuild. And I’m angry that I gave him all that youth for free, but I’m just mad as hell because I loved this place.

And he claims I abandoned the ship, he writes it in the songs on his albums and sends the troops to my front door, breaking down the home I just rebuilt but they’ll never know how I was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding onto his quiet resentment.

But truly how much sad did he think I had left in me to give? How much tragedy? Just how low did he believe I could before I would self-implode, waiting for his grays and blacks to turn back into the vibrancy I fell so deeply in love with.

And as I walk these streets, his scent fading from my clothes, I can feel the color coming back to my face, and I feel bad for anyone who stops me on the streets and asks me to grab a coffee, because the hole in my heart is black and it’s pulling in anything in it’s path, it’s destructive and dangerous and it acts a lot like him.

He’ll find someone, my stitches will come undone and my heart will die as I lay silently on the empty floor of the apartment I never thought I would see again.

I have to leave, I know it even in this post-death mist. I am a ghost walking down these once euphoric streets we walked hand in hand across. I can’t let myself rot like he did, I won’t let myself get left behind like he intended.

And I’m just mad as hell because I once loved this place.

But for now, it’s so long, london.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry x reader #harrystyles #harry styles

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scftpcws · 1 year ago

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felix catton x fem!reader

nsfw 18+ MDNI

hear me out…

im convinced felix eats pussy like it’s a paying job (not that he needs one but you get my point). he gets so invested in your taste and how you feel against his tongue. he has his head buried deep between your thighs, tongue lapping at your sweet cunt so very slowly, while his head rests dreamily against your thigh. he looks up at you, so lovestruck, taking you in like you’re an expensive delicacy. the soft rays of the fresh, morning sun peaking through the curtains, illuminating the curves and contours of his broad shoulders as the muscles tense and relax as he devotes everything that he is to your pleasure.

or he’ll sit you down on his face, the thick, soft plush of your thighs caging him beneath you as you ride his face, clit bumping his nose every few seconds, the pleasure almost too much. if you so much as look down at him through those beautiful eyes of yours, just know that he will moan a quiet “fuck” into the warmth of your cunt, just because of the eye contact. there’s something so intense and intimate about eye contact while he pleases you that spurs him on and makes him all the more eager to make you cum. if you’re worried about hurting him because you’re “too heavy”, best throw that idea out the window because best believe he’s pulling you down so he can feel your whole body weight on him. he feels closest to you this way, he wants to feel you and no silly little insecurities will stop him from doing so.

or maybe he has you bent over the bathroom sink, your back arched, his hand trailing down the dip in your spine. his faced snugly nestled between your ass cheeks, tongue working overtime to make sure you are quivering above him, thighs shaking with pleasure. his hands spreading you apart, your full, dripping pussy on show for him and that is enough to make him ravenous.

he’s so utterly enthralled by you, so deeply and irrevocably in love (dare i say obsessed ) with you that he can’t help himself. he has to taste you. if there’s ever a day that he refuses to nip and suck at your pussy just know that the universe is out of balance because there’s nothing he loves more. hell he could (and definitely has) cum in his pants like a desperate teenager all just from tasting your cum on his lips as he curls his tongue inside you, his sweet, sweet girl. you’re like a drug to him, and to say he’s addicted is an understatement. he craves you all hours of the day, every day of the week. he (if it’s possible) will go down on you before fucking you and after, the way you moan out in overstimulation like music to his ears, a song so beautiful he can’t get enough. he just loves eating you pussy and he’ll be damned if he ever passes up the opportunity to taste you. because “eating your sweet pussy is like breathing.” and he can’t live without it.

that is all.

#lovie’s stuffs🦈#lovie talks🦈#lovie’s drabbles🦈#saltburn #felix catton #felix catton smut #felix catton drabble #felix is a munch fr #smut #saltburn smut

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skunaskitten · 2 years ago

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loneliness in his eyes

Thanks to @yuujispinkhair from her recent post for giving me this idea for a quick short story.

sukuna x reader

You never knew why sukuna was always so clingy with you or even why he gets so aggressive with others around even if its just your friends. Sometimes sukuna's mouth will make appearance just to yell at people or even growl at the others when talking to you, then yuji will have to cover his mouth away.

Sukuna would always request time with you by switching with yuji but sometimes your sunshine boy of a friends was always scared of sukuna hurting you and never let him out but he did let you stay the night with him. Inside yuji, sukuna would watch you peacefully sleep in his vessel's arms feeling a weird twist in his empty chest. He didn't like the fact they always get your attention more than him and he is partner not them.

But one day after a intimate time with him, you laid curled in his arms against his body feeling his warmth. He had told you about one woman from his past who would not leave him name Yorozu. She had told him one day she sees the loneliness in his eyes. And when you had came into his life when you first saw him you had said the same thing in way. You would always tell him how much you love him and how much you care for him but he never said it back to you.

After hearing this slip of words he just told you everything made sense about the way he acts with you.

The reason why he holds you so close to him. When he watches your every move around him. When he fucks you deeply while staring into your eyes as he make you squirm under his body. The reason why he gets more angry when you get hurt or sad.

It was the realization that you are the first being in the world to love him for who he is. Not only staying or wanting him because of his power but because you respect his power. You didn't fear him when you first laid eyes on him, you admired him. Every time you watched him, fight you held so much excitement and always stayed on his side. The way you caressed his body or traced his tattoos like you were going to hurt him and as you looked at him while doing so, you could see the soft smile he gives you.

Over the time of being with him this long his eyes held something other than the loneliness it was love. He just didn't know how to say and never had someone like you love him back. Deep in his mind he didn't want to have that experience in his life anymore but he now wants it with you.

You want to be his strength and the light in his darkness of the world. You want to give him that bright smile.

Sukuna looked to you seeing the realization sink into your little head as he smirk telling you "did you catch on little one?" You didn't say a word instead you leaned up to roll over onto his chest and press your lips softly to his closing your eye and pressed harder giving him all the love you have. He hummed against your mouth and moved his lips in sync with yours. As he softly pulled away he leaned his forehead to yours keeping his eyes closed.

"Darling no one should know about this. That i know what love is. You show it to me everyday, this thing that i never thought i could have until i met you. I know you know you can feel what i am dealing with inside."

You nuzzled your forehead more to his and rubbed your nose to the tip of his feeling the way his arms tighten around your body. "sukuna, i love you."

Sukuna felt a swell in his chest and he does everytime you say it to him maybe now he should give it back in return for how much you mean to him.

"Thank you for taking my loneliness away."

Staying silent as he pulled your head and brought your face into his neck so his lips can be by your ear afraid for who else could hear him.

"i...love you." he said with a low tone of his voice.

You begin to tear up as you wrapped your arms around his neck not wanting to let him go wishing it could be just you and him forever.

i about near damn cried thinking of this while listening to this song here > Ghost Bridge made by the same guy who gege put as sukuna's them song.

(sorry for any mistakes i did this like at midnight half tiered and just wanted to put this down before i forget)

#ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader #jjk x reader #soft!sukuna #sukuna in love #ryomen sukuna #sukuna

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morganas-pendragons · 11 months ago

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the night will be over soon | the master chief

I have used this title before. Don't judge me. And I also remember approximately none of Halo Four, so forgive me if some of the nods to that in this are not accurate LOL

Anyway, this is for @empresskadia -- the whole plot is entirely her idea. I just saw it and went ''oh I could kill writing this'' so here I am! hurt/comfort incoming! I just changed a tiny bit of this to match the overall idea I was going for here.

@embarrassedauthornerd @lialacleaf

***

Things are out of focus. Blurry. Hard to remember. The only things that John can recall are the hue of Cortana outside the pod, the cold, and the darkness.

And your screaming. It was the last thing he recalled when The Arbiter pulled you towards him - a silent request from The Master Chief to keep you safe that he somehow understood - as The Forward Unto Dawn split in two.

It's been four years. John is very accustomed to it now. The dark, the cold, the dreams. At least the dreams are pleasant.

Your reality, however? Not so much.

They start you off with the augmentations. You can barely believe you've made it here, conscripted to be a Spartan Four.

You hadn't even met the majority of Blue Team until they'd intercepted you on The Infinity not long after you had been brought aboard. Kelly knew who you were almost immediately upon reading your file. Blue hadn't even met you yet. She'd heard rumors about your involvement with the Chief, and due to intimately knowing John's heart, she'd taken it upon herself to be your silent guardian.

John had lost enough. He didn't need to lose the one person he genuinely loved.

"You think this is the one?"

"Oh yeah," Kelly and Fred looked upon the digital file of your face in the debrief room of the Infinity. All of the data in your file pointed to you being heavily involved with The Master Chief and the Arbiter during the Human Covenant War. "That's them."

Lasky had been the one to convince you to stay. You were content to just.. disappear. It would've been easier to deal with John being gone if you just went away inside.

Dreams were more pleasant than reality. And they most often reared their ugly head when you were in the midst of the augmentations.

You remember many a night that Cortana had drawn you to his quarters when he was in the throes of a nightmare. It was fortunate you were a light sleeper anyway, because the only way you knew it was her was the incessant beeping and your door to your own quarters suddenly opening without anyone on the other side.

"Cortana?"

Nothing. You slowly got out of bed and followed the blue lights that illuminated the darkened hallway until they stopped to blink repeatedly at John's door. You paused. He was still always so hesitant to be vulnerable around you. John was not a man of words, but often actions, and being able to spill his raw and aching heart onto the floors of his bedroom is.. incomprehensible. He doesn't think himself capable of it.

You'd never forget how he looked there. Bathed in moonlight, head in his hands, desperately trying to control his uneven breathing and racing heart.

You silently approached from the doorway, settling down on your knees in front of him to take his hands into your own. You knew better than to believe he wasn't aware of your presence from the moment you'd come to the door.

Hands at your lips, you kiss each of The Master Chief's scarred knuckles, your eyes never leaving his. There's an echo of a song lingering in the humming that follows. It's familiar. Comforting. He hadn't known you could sing.

The softness there in your eyes - the humanity, something that you had been reminding him that he was capable of - was what made it just a little bit easier for John to breathe.

And brought the whole world back into focus.

***

They augment you. You become accustomed to the sound of your own screaming. You become accustomed to pain, and fear, and a deeply rooted desire to do for others what John had been doing for you for so long.

You ache for being protected. You ache for the solace of John, of his arms, of being home again. But home had disappeared four years ago. There was no going back to it.

Being a Spartan obligated you to be complacent in a world of bloodshed and war.

so much for keeping that humanity.

You familiarize yourself with the trigger. Grow used to pulling it, grow used to taking orders, grow used to excelling and succeeding. You struggle at first. They tell you that you aren't built for this. You know you aren't.

You push yourself harder. For John. To honor him.

However, little known to you, you're being watched by three guardian angels. The entirety of Blue Team has taken it upon themselves to ensure your safety. It's their way of honoring their fallen brother.

The last thing you're expecting is for them to approach you. It's well into the night, and you're running sims for the fourth hour in a row when it suddenly shuts down and you find yourself face to face with three Spartan Two's.

You jump to stand at attention. "Sir! Ma'am!"

All three remove their helmets and flash identical looks. They almost look like they're scolding you. "You don't need to salute. Not us. We're not the Chief," The male remarks playfully. "But you know that, don't you?"

"Everyone knows who you are." You reply as you point at each of them. "Fred-104, Kelly-087, and Linda-058. You're legends. What on Earth do you want with me?"

"It's not what we want," Linda interjected. "It's what you've given. We know."

Every cell of your body froze. You struggled to swallow as your blood ran cold, the memory of John's hands in your own and his lips at the crown of your head flashing at the forefront of your memory. Such a precious thing.. memories. They often make their way into your dreams.

"What do you want?" You repeated.

"We don't think John is dead. And since we don't think that, we've taken it upon ourselves to succeed in our self-appointed mission." Fred pointed a single finger at you. "Keeping you safe. Training you to be the best of the new Spartans, because we want you to be able to survive our world so you can see John again."

***

Time passed, and you left with Blue until you were called back to the Infinity. That was Fred's doing. Lasky had approved the transfer almost immediately. You found camaraderie with them. A unit.

And they did exactly what they said they would: Protected you, trained you to learn how to adapt to their world. You got good at it.

The better you got at being a Spartan, the more of your humanity you had to lose.

No one told you when John came back. No one told you when he came back, and Cortana came back, and it felt like all the air was sucked right from your lungs when Del Rio ordered you into the bridge and you found yourself staring at them both.

The memory of a night bathed in moonlight flashed before your eyes once again as you lifted your visor to meet the gold one across from you. Your tongue is heavy in your mouth, and all words escape you, but you can't bring yourself to look away from him.

"Master Chief," You say as firmly as possible. John is your superior officer, after all. "It is good to see you, sir."

He's beautiful. Beautiful, and here, and alive.

***

Cortana had to remind him three times that it wasn't a dream. That you were standing in front of him in Spartan armor, and that the person he'd left behind all those years ago was most definitely not the same one he was looking at now.

When you removed your helmet, his heart sank. There was a new scar on your face. Your eyes were hardened as you stood at attention for Lasky and Del Rio. What had you seen? What had you been through?

"Master Chief? We have a mission for you."

Why hadn't he been there to protect you from it?

***

Gone.

She's gone.

He trudges back to the Infinity with a heavy step and an even heavier heart after The Didact is defeated. There is nowhere to go, and no one to turn to, so The Master Chief finds himself in front of the windows overlooking the planet.

It's not the planet he's paying attention to. It's the moon.

"Chief."

Nothing. He should be paying attention because he's still required to be a soldier, but The Master Chief is very far away.

And it's usually you who ends up bringing him back.

"John." The desperate, quiet nature of the voice pleading with him to come back is what drew The Master Chief from his reverie. He's still in his armor, and the armor is the most protection he's had in four years, but the thought of being able to find sanctuary with you again is what caused him to turn around. You reached out with a waiting hand. "The night cycle will be over eventually. C'mon."

He allowed himself to be led into the darkness of your quarters aboard The Infinity. The moment that you both recognize that you're alone, you turn toward John and hesitantly reach your hands upward. He knows what this means. The two of you used to do this quite often.

John tipped his head forward, at your mercy, and allowed you to remove his helmet. Part of him was nervous that you would no longer want him the same way. That he was damaged goods.

But that hardened look he'd seen on the bridge is gone now, replaced by a gentle reverence illuminated by the moon outside as you whisper, "There you are. My Master Chief."

***

You can see the despair in his eyes the longer he traced the scars you'd obtained. John lay at your side, a singular finger tracing across your shoulder blades where the largest of the augmentation scars was.

"I should've been here. You should've never had to endure this." John confessed quietly. You didn't respond. Just the fact he was speaking his own thoughts out into the open was enough to keep you silent. His wounds are fresh. On display. With Cortana gone, and your own suffering he had not kept you from, you could tell that he blamed himself for all that had happened.

You shivered as his fingers traced the line of your hip before coming up to cup your jaw, turning your head toward him. He seemed to be most devastated about the scar on your face.

"Do you..." You swallowed the knot in your throat and leaned into the warmth of his palm. "Do you want me to tell you?"

There's a lot to tell him. A lot that you're hesitant to tell him because he carried his own demons and his own regrets and shortcomings like it was his own personal cross to bear.

So you tell him something better instead.

"I met Blue," You slide down the bed and tuck your head under his chin, wrapping both arms around his frame. "They ended up being my silent guardians for those first few years. Said they wanted to honor you by protecting me. Ended up being the primary ones who trained me" You laugh softly. "Maybe that's why I've made such a good Spartan."

Little known to you, one of the first things John had done upon returning to The Infinity was request your transfer to Blue Team. He hadn't anticipated that Kelly, Fred and Linda would find you first, much less train you.

He never wanted you to be like him. To be a soldier, to be a machine. You were too good for that. Too soft. Too human.

This wasn't what you were meant for.

Enveloped in your arms, The Master Chief slowly rubs circles into the base of your neck as your body falls limp in his embrace. He's humming something low under his breath. A song he'd forgotten he'd ever heard. It sounded like it was a memory.

Or maybe a dream.

Never mind the darkness

Never mind the storm

Never mind the blood red moon

The night will be over soon....

Hopefully your dreams are less tainted with red then his are.

#The Master Chief #The Master Chief x Reader #Master Chief x Reader

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enzoarweq · 1 year ago

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(im talking about the characters q!, not the cc!)

imo no one else seems to understand the landduo/foolhalo relationship is much much deeper than "he's a friend who annoys me and i love to annoy him" or "they are secretly in love" in fact i might be as bold as to say NO ONE does till this day. which is pretty funny how they understand and notice the littlest things about each other but no one can see their deep bond despite that... tho to be fair Bad has said multiple times that he praises Foolish till high heaven from his skills, smarts, to his good looks but he would never ever admit it or say it to his face. (he RARELY does actually so when it happens, we all cheer and die) same for foolish.

Jaiden, who is probably one of the closest to Foolish rn said recently no one else takes Foolish srsly or that they are like outcasts of the island or that no one cares for Leo (para). and im like um theres literally Bad who cares a lot for Foolish and Leo. and has said multiple times that he is much more intelligent than ppl have granted him to be (but ofc she doesn't know, she doesn't know the early moments where they would hang out together almost all the time, constant banter, she doesn't know of THE convo where Bad literally for his advice and was treating and talking to him like two gamemasters in equal footing talking about the games they will play, she doesn't know should anything happen to Bad, he left Dapper in Foolish's care, Foolish constantly leaves Leo in Bad's care, she doesn't know that Leo loves and adores his Tio Bad, she doesn't know a lot of their "true hidden" relationship/sides, she doesn't know how easy Foolish can read Bad like an open book like that mine roulette game which i think she participated but not when both bad and foolish were playing iirc etc etc) not to mention theres also Roier who cares a lot for Leo and vice versa and constantly thinks about her (but this post about foolhalo so i digress)

There was also that moment with Bagi and Tubbo where they were like go ahead and cage Foolish or smtg. like daring Bad to do it. Bad was like aww thats no fun, its boring (cuz yk theres no song and dance, theres no arguing back n forth, it was just that). so when foolish shows up and bad was like hey could u step in ig *shrugs* Foolish was like urgh ok ig. I still remember Bagi's and Tubbos reaction, they were like mildly surprised. like ok what now. Bagi then said to Foolish, hey Bad is insane. Foolish then replied, yeah i fcking knew that already (in a so what tone) and again, Bagi seemed slightly taken aback. Tubbo then went on a rant about them being in love or smtg idk.

or the time when Bad would make a torture chamber for Foolish which he willingly went along cuz why not. and ppl were making angst about it as if Foolish didn't just walk into the torture chamber willingly to play a fun torture game with Bad smh.

also the time when Foolish was hiding his hurt over Leo's absence but Bad knew deep inside he feels deeply. that time where Foolish will run away from everyone else when confronted about his feelings but finally stood silently besides Bad in comfort, instead of a hug. (wasn't Jaiden there for that?)

theres soooo many foolhalo landduo moments where so many fans just blatantly ignore, like they have selective memory. genuinely confuses me everytime, like are we even watching the same POV.

theres also a lot of moments where ppl were gen mad at bad for the pranks n shit, like its 2023 ppl, we've been thru with this already in dsmp, do better pls. (ik them be new fans but still urgh)

#qsmp #q!badboyhalo #q!foolish #landduo #foolhalo #rambling

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y3nze1 · 10 months ago

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𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆, 𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐍 | c.8

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: I / II / III / Navi

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: hiii pookies! Chaz here, how we doin?!?!!? good? good. here's chapter 8 for yah. writings kinda different cause I'm writing. shh. don't complain /j. bit bear with me on this one yall! like yen, HAPPY READINGS!

"Come in!" called Loralie from inside the store, wiping off the counter as the sound of a bell rung, the two people walking inside the store. she smiled widely. "Ah it's you two! come in, come in. what can i get for you today? some hotcakes? muffins? the usual?"

"black coffee, Lor, and for niftt-" husk was cut off by niffty as she looked through the glass of treats and sweets. "Salmon mousse Canapés! i'd like to try something new" the girl giggled happily, continuing on to look through the glass. "well, uh.. i guess that's for hers.

Loralie smiles and nods, scribbling down the orders. "Alright, one black coffees and a salmon mousse canapé. That'll be ready in a few minutes. You two are welcome to sit down while you wait.." She gestures to a nearby table as she gets started on the order. "any gossip today? nif?" Loralie turned to niftty after handing out the order to her co-worker.

"no.. not much, well.. Al has quite focused on his broadcast nowadays, i mean it's not new but, I'm pretty sure he's still looking out for that 'Daisy' girl" Niftty spoke, walking over to the side of the counter. "Daisy.. Huh?.." Loralie grinned, packing up the orders slowly as she listened in. "Yeah!.. daisy, the one that always calls his station.. I heard he asked her out on a date but she didn't come!" Husk appeared behind niftty as she spoke. "That was actually true, That dumbass came to my bar the other week, complaining about his fucking love life" Husk groaned, rolling his eyes, grabbing the order from Loralie.

"i think i know a thing or two about.. Daisy" Loralie grinned, leaning over the counter to tell the two, in which they listened.

ೀ.ᐟ⭒๋࣭

"And then!- Y/n was so worried to face you that day so she didn't went as daisy which is kind of an idiotic move for me, but then you spent the night with her at the park. so you technically did go on a date with daisy but technically didn't because y/n is daisy, and daisy is y/n, also made me wonder wh-" husk pressed a hand over niftty's mouth, sighing. "he gets the idea, nif.."

the two looked at Alastor who has a slightly shocked reaction on his face. sitting blankly on his desk as muffled songs played in the background. "i don't.. know if i should be angry.. or.. anxious.. or glad.." he looked at his feet, running fingers through his hair as he sighed deeply. "Al, Sorry you had to find out this way... i mean- it would have been more meaningful if you know.. it came from her." niftty approached Alastor along with Husk beside her, she softly place a hand on his shoulder.

Alastor leaned back at his chair, closing his eyes as he huffed deeply. Alastor lets out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair once as he tries to process what he's just learned. He feels a mix of emotions coursing through him - anger, hurt, confusion, but also a strange sense of calmness. He looks up at Niffty and Husk, his eyes full of a deep sadness.

"I understand why y/n did what she did, but I can't help but feel betrayed," he says, his voice heavy with emotion. "She knew how I felt about her, how much I cared for her, and yet she chose to deceive me in this way." He shakes his head, looking down at his desk again. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now.. i think i need to be alone for a moment.." the two nodded at his words, leaving his room for him to contemplate for a moment.

He sat silently, playing another song for his audience. he softly chuckled at the mishap. "Daisy.. daisy.." he repeated. after a few moments, the song slowly ended, the telephone rang. in an instant he picked it up. "Good Afternoon again, Alastor" Alastor grinned, leaning back on his chair. "Good Afternoon to you too.. Ms. Daisy, the usual songs, i sense?" He chuckled. Playing her requested song. after that, he stopped speaking over the mic, talking to her personality, he spoke once more. "Could i perhaps.. I don't know.. maybe ask you out, Ms. Daisy?.."

ೀ.ᐟ⭒๋࣭

Alastor waited at the same park, spending the same hours as he did, waiting for 'Daisy', till then, he felt a presence of someone sitting next to him. "Hello.. Alastor, How are you tonight, Still waiting for.. Daisy?" He turned to look at you, his smile widened, playing along. "Unfortunately.. Yes"

Alastor chuckles, feeling a warm sensation in his chest as he looks at you. "Well, it seems that Ms. Daisy has decided to let me down again tonight. But that just means that I'll be able to enjoy the company of someone else." He turned to look at you once again. his eyes staring at you deeply. you let out a soft chuckle at his words. "So, Y/n, My Dear. What are you doing here in the park anyway?" he softly spoke.

"Just wanted to take a quick stroll, the night is quite lovely, isn't it?" He nodded, Alastor smiled, looking deep into your eyes as he spoke. "Yes, it is a lovely night. And yet, somehow I feel as though there's something missing." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I suppose the lack of Daisy is a little bit of a damper." He placed a hand over yours. "Either way, i shouldn't be sorrowful, it's a wonderous, that shouldn't be wasted, don't you think? Now, Would you do me the honor of being my company for the night?" he held out his hand.

ೀ.ᐟ⭒๋࣭

"You're really fucked up, Al.." Husk walked over to him. standing beside Alastor as he looked at the other side of the lake. Smiling, the wind flowed. as he chuckled. "Say what you want, palx he shrugged. leaning against the railing of the balcony.

"A goddamn house?.. are you serious? just to see her apartment?" Husk rubbed his temple. "All for a fucking girl?" he groaned turning to Alastor.

"A girl I care for very deeply," Alastor replies, his voice slightly raised. He stands up, towering over Husk as he glares down at him. "A girl who I would do anything for," he continues, his voice growing more emotional as he speaks. "And if I want to spend a few nights in this house just to see her place right before me while i open my eyes, then that's exactly what I'll do." He gripped at the railings, staring at lights of your apartment.

"I'd climb the highest mountain if she wanted me to, swim the deepest trenches if she pleases, take a shot through the heart if she asks me to." he smiled to himself. staring down at the flowing water.

"I'll stand by her whenever i can, suffer in the distance in sakes to keep her happy. more than anything. I'll be there, even if she doesn't know i am, I'll be glad that i was.. in the moment, just right behind her."

Husk nodded, staring in the distance too, lighting a cigarette, placing it on his mouth as he did so. taking a puff. Alastor smiled, his eyes closing as he listened to the sound of water hitting the shore. He took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calmness wash over him. "You are a great person, Husk," he said, opening his eyes and turning to look at him. "You may not understand why I do what I do, but you are still there to support me, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know." He reached out and placed a hand on Husk's shoulder, squeezing it softly.

"Hey, what ever fucked up thing you got over your head. I'm still here.. I'm stuck with ya anyway" he chuckled, taking another hit of his cigarette. Alastor turned to look at your apartment. "Hey Husker, do you want to come with tomorrow?" Husk raised a brow. "What for?"

"I'd like to go on a quick.. shopping" He smiled. chuckling softly as looked at you apartment once more.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #hazbin #1920s #alastor altruist #human!alastor #plmasrm cause why not. i hate tags.

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