#they both love each other but are to hurt to admit it

[wonjns]

discourse — j.ww

⌗ pairing. . . jeon wonwoo x male reader

⌗ genre. . . smut

⌗ summary. . . when you and wonwoo argue, you have sex. it just works. but everybody knows thats not the best method for a couple to find resolve. you want to try doing things the healthy way for once. its just so hard.

⌗ includes. . . bttm!reader, mentions of angry sex, marking, slight choking, dry humping, rimming/oral, size kink, bigdick!wonu, unprotected sex (be safe irl!!), these two wanna do the right thing but are just so horny

⌗ wc. 5.7k (...)

°A/N. . . hiya you guys!! this one acc wasn't requested but based off a dream i had lol. this is my first seventeen fic in a while (which is funny bc my first ever fic was about wonwoo) so i hope you guys like it :'-)

being wonwoo’s boyfriend meant passion and dedication were the new central traits of your life.

if there was one thing jeong wonwoo did, it was love deeply. he also held himself to high standards and had extensive expectations - as any self respecting individual would. however, holding you to those same standards as his lover did have a tendency to be overbearing from time to time. long story short, it inevitably lead to arguments becoming less than foreign within your relationship.

he was constantly trying to be his best for you, and expected 200% from you in return. it wasn't unreasonable whatsoever, but it became pretty clear that each of your views on just how putting forth that much effort looked were different, leading to inevitable frustration bubbling inside both of you.

and of course, in some semi-toxic way, that very frustration lead to fucking.

the last thing wonwoo could ever bring himself to do was hurt you, neither physically or verbally, despite how upset he would get. same could be said for you - so it was only natural when the flames of anger that ignited in you were transformed into embers of pure, raw sex in heated attempts to release the tension.

it quickly became your go to method.

countless times has wonwoo come home in the middle of week old arguments, and you don’t even speak as much as a word to one another before his lips are on yours. not much has to be said before those ridiculously soft lips of his are passionately sucking the life- and any fight you had left- out of you. both of your frustrations were palpable in the way you’d bite his lips, the way his enormous hands would bruise your hips— the way he'd tossed you around like you deserved the dull pain that came with being slammed against the wall or folded over a solid surface.

at some point, you had come to terms that this was not the proper way to settle your disagreements; realizing you were both just bottling up the negativity that would surely explode one day. but shit, it was hard to change your ways when your boyfriend was so fucking hot and dealt with you in a way that left you so physically satisfied.

you’d be lying if you said the thought of wonwoo’s indignant demeanor didn’t make your cheeks warm, his tongue always putting in extra effort to turn your mind into mush. you know he'd never harm you, but you actually liked when he made it hurt a little during sex - as if you were being punished.

something you would never admit is that there were a few times you had pissed him off on purpose, just so he would strip you down and have his way with you right then and there. there was one time where his unnaturally talented mouth toyed with you damn near all day by denying your climax, despite pushing you to the edge several times. cloud 9 was hardly an accurate description of how you felt when wonwoo finally let you release in his mouth, or over his naked chest, or even in his big hands— you get the point.

but, it was time for change. healthy change.

you were pleasantly surprised when wonwoo joined you in your research of couple therapy-esque exercises to practice. you were dedicated to finding a way to help two of you actually resolve things and understand each other instead of just fucking them away. you could have actually attended a couple's therapist, but who seriously had the time for that when you could find all of the tips they’d tell you online for free anyways?

after a few days of web browsing, you came across a method that seemed reasonable and had a decently high success rate. all it entailed was simply having a quick, 10-minute discussion whenever one of you came home for the day. the trendy blogger who posted the article coined this routine as the "at home unwind". the key of the conversation was to offer both of you time to decompress and actually hear about the other's day and emotions before discussing anything negative... or doing anything physical.

the cyber therapist explicitly mentioned that was the most important thing to avoid.

oddly enough, it reassured you that this issue was common enough for others to experience, feeling like this method of practice nailed you and wonwoo’s biggest issue directly on the head. however, as pitiful as it sounded, you weren’t sure how confident you were in either of your abilities to talk for 10 minutes straight while keeping your hands to yourself.

these days, it felt like arguing and fucking were the only channels of communication for you two. it was terrible, you know, but wonwoo had a slick mouth and a huge cock - pair those with your stubborn attitude and the equation practically works itself out. during especially argumentative days, it was only a matter of time before one of you pounced on the other. still, wonwoo was fully on board to take on this new challenge and you were thankful for that.

the first four or so sessions went magnificently. you had actually begun to talk to wonwoo every evening and started to get a better look on his daily work life, and the kinds of things he dealt with and how certain things lifted his mood or took a toll on him. it made you remember how much you loved talking to your boyfriend. he was deep, sentimental, and had some of the most intriguing insight you’ve ever heard from anybody.

maybe the internet wasn't always full of shit, since this diy therapy was clearly helping steer your relationship towards a better place. you were starting to get a really good feeling about this whole thing.

and then the next argument came.

god, you could hardly remember what even sparked the fight this time. perhaps it was something about house chores, or you staying out too late with your friends – all you could confidently remember was getting pissed off from the accusatory tone in his voice.

before you knew it, you were exchanging petty back and forths throughout the day, and slamming doors just a little too loudly. admittedly, you did want to fuck him as you fell back into your old habits. hearing wonwoo's rude remarks would make your ears steam with annoyance, but you also recognized the familiar look in his eyes that would only show face when he wanted to stuff you full with that fat cock of his until you were whimpering apologies for being an asshole. deep down, you wanted him to make you.

but alas, you kept to yourselves. you tried to rely on your new little therapeutic routine, but even those talks would end in exasperation and headaches. within a day or two, you started to ween off the unwinding technique, cutting the conversation short as soon as one of you caught an attitude. something inside you couldn't have cared in the slightest, and you were sure he didn't either. it wasn't until things escalated a bit further than they usually did one night that caused wonwoo to worry.

the screaming match was your fault, knowing full well that you were the hypocrite for fussing at him the minute he came home from a late night out with his buddies. you were the usual culprit when it came to staying out well into the hours of the night without so much as a text to wonwoo. but you were already irritated and irrational, so you decided to take it out on him.

"you're a fucking asshole, y/n." was the last thing wonwoo had muttered before going into your shared room and forcing the door shut, the wooden echo sounding throughout the apartment.

you barely managed a half-hearted "fuck you" in return, feeling a pang of guilt in your stomach from the aggravation you heard in his voice. still, you stubbornly held your ground, taking to sleep on the couch that night.

you were still asleep, sprawled on the cushions as wonwoo went to work the next morning. he had glanced at your sleeping figure on the way out, debating whether to wake you up or not. he ultimately decided against it as he wordlessly left and let his bitchy boyfriend sleep.

when you did awake, you had resulted to brooding under the blankets all day. you sighed, annoyed at your heavy conscious stirring within you as you knew it should you who apologizes first.

as thick skulled as you were, you did manage to pick up your phone in order to text wonwoo. but before you got the chance to get typing, you were met with a familiar ping.

wonu 🐈‍⬛: make sure you're home when i get off. we haven't done our 10 in a couple days.

you knew he was talking about the at home unwind, which you two had been skipping due to the heat of the atmosphere at home. despite how it may seem through your eyes, wonwoo couldn't stand arguing with you - especially to this extent.

all he could think about during his busy workday was how you were most definitely sulking at home, alone. and of course, he was right. he was always right when it came to you. you never reached out to others when you were frustrated, not even him, which only bothered him more. on the other hand, he also couldn't shake the image of you bundled up in his clothes.

you always loved to borrow and wear his things, no matter how mad at him you got, with those gut-wrenchingly attractive lips of yours plumped up into a pout. the things he wanted that mouth of yours, so attitudinal but so supple, to do him during times like this.

wonwoo released a hushed, deep groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose, realizing he was straining his office pants.

you sighed, reading the text over once more but not bothering to respond. everything you had to say you might as well save for the exercise.

you felt wonwoo's presence before you heard it. he walked through the door quietly, causing your head to peak around the corner from your room as he shrugged off his jacket and set his things down.

he had went to the gym after work, as he usually does, his attire changed from his plain button up and slacks to loose sweats and that one white tee that tightly hugged his chiseled torso.

one look up to you had your breath catching in your throat, his eye contact intense as he held it while slipping his shoes off. you had no clue what to say when his long legs carried himself over to the couch you had spent most of the day grumbling to yourself on. taking a seat, wonwoo spread his legs comfortably while patting his thigh, keeping his gaze downcast.

you felt small, as if you were a child being beckoned over. nonetheless you obeyed, walking over to him and shyly climbing into his lap.

the air was stiff as you awkwardly tried to get comfortable, wonwoo's hands taking over to shift your legs so that you straddled him. you avoided looking at his gorgeous, clearly vexed face as your knees caged around his waist. you sat like that in silence for what felt like eternity, the warmth of his body taking over yours as you watched his buff chest rise and fall under the constraints of his t-shirt. you were suddenly painfully aware of how long it had been since you'd been this close within his proximity.

on the days you didn't fight, you were always all over your massive boyfriend. you were addicted to the feeling of his larger form and smooth skin against yours. even now, despite the tension in the air, you could physically feel yourself relaxing from being atop of him like this.

"you know you really pissed me off last night."

of course that's the first thing that comes out of his mouth. you felt your blood spike immediately, eyes shooting up to him as he stared at you with such a lack of expression it seemed almost smug.

"but you-" you started, ready to fire back, but caught yourself. "forget it. i thought you wanted to do the unwind."

"i do." he responded calmly, slowly sliding his hands up your thighs and meeting behind your back. you ignored the motion, sporting that exact pout that he loved so fucking much.

"then we need to follow the steps." you chided back, trying to remember the order of the prompts. the first one was simple. "so... how was work? anything weigh you down at all?"

it was awkward trying to ask the questions with a genuine tone, knowing how pissed you both still were.

"honestly, i couldn't stop thinking about how much i wanted to fuck you all day."

your gasp was involuntary, eyes shooting back to his in disbelief. this time that signature smirk of his stretched loosely on his face, signaling that you gave him the exact reaction he was looking for. before you could interject he kept going, that deep voice of his dropping an octave.

"had me thinking about how much of a bitch you were last night, and how i should've just stayed home today to make sure i knocked it right out of you." you felt his grip on your ass tighten with his words.

"w-wonwoo..." you tried to speak up, your fidgeting giving away your growing nerves. "whatever you're doing-"

"god, you had me bricked up in the middle of a fucking meeting, y/n. you like doing that to me don't you? you just have to go and get me so riled up so that the only thing i can think about the next few days is feeling you shaking under me, hm?"

there were very few times you've been rendered speechless, yet this was undoubtedly one of them. your skin had managed to catch on fire in the matter of seconds from the way he was speaking to you alone, your body instinctually reacting to him. you now understood in full wonwoo's aforementioned struggle of straining his pants at work, since you were feeling the very same thing happen to your boxers now.

your own erection started to grow while you envisioned wonwoo's words, and you suddenly felt a twitch under you. a quiet moan escaped you when you looked down to see wonwoo's familiar bulge for yourself, proudly prodding through his sweats.

his smirk had grown even wider when you looked back up to him, lust pooling in your eyes as he ran his tongue lazily over his pristine teeth. that grin was so teasing that you didn't know if you wanted to punch or kiss it off.

you decided on the latter.

everything moved so quickly as your frustration boiled past your breaking point, causing you to lurch forward and claim wonwoo's mouth against your own. you held back a whimper feeling his plush lips against yours for the first time in what felt like years. it had only been a couple days, but with wonwoo sometimes hours felt like a lifetime.

you allow your head to grow fuzzy as your boyfriend presses deeper against you, scooting your body further up his thighs so that he can taste even more of you in one go. this time a pathetic moan did fall from you as wonwoo's hot tongue slipped into your mouth, and he eagerly swallowed the sound. your hands grew a mind of their own as they tangled in his soft, jet black strands.

wonwoo greedily ground your hips against his, making sure you felt his hardened length glide against yours before he sat you directly on top of it, causing you to instinctively clench around nothing. the sound of wonwoo's plump lips smacking against yours caused him to groan, a chilling shock shooting down your spine once he started sucking on your tongue.

when you were running out of air, wonwoo pulled away to hear you whimper aloud while his hungry lips attached to your jaw, slowly kissing his way down your neck.

"wonu," you groaned, grabbing onto his wide shoulders while bucking your hips forwards again. you swore you could feel his abs through his shirt. you called his name a second time, trying to stabilize your voice to get his attention.

he hummed in acknowledgment without stopping his ministrations, sucking leisurely just above your weak spot. you whimpered once more and reluctantly push against his shoulders to detach him from your neck, breathing heavily as his blown out eyes assessed you.

you felt like prey under his narrow glare, desire and anger somehow coexisting his dark eyes. you wanted nothing more than to let him devour you, but you could hear that faint voice of reason in the back of your head telling you not to resort to your old ways. you wanted to listen while you could at least still recognize it.

"the exercise..." you sighed, "we have to finish."

your hands wander all over each other as you try to pace your breathing and calm down, the tension in the room palpable. wonwoo nods at your suggestion, closing his eyes to stretch his neck side to side. something only jeon wonwoo could make look that sexy.

"okay, so how was your day?" he mutters before leaning back in, lips gently pressing directly your neck's the soft spot. its a much gentler kiss, him showing attention to each patch of skin he came across.

you allow your eyes to flutter shut and let out a breath as you felt him pamper you, tenderly running his large hands up and down your back.

"it was- good... i mean, it was okay." you concentrated on speaking, twirling a bit of wonwoo's hair betwixt your fingers.

"just okay?" wonwoo spoke against your neck, knowing how you loved the vibration of his voice.

"well... i spent most of it moping." you sunk a bit further down on his lap at the admission.

"really? what's got you down, no plans today?" he feigned curiosity between kisses, knowing good and well exactly why you spent all day upset.

"no i— oh my god," you trailed off, feeling wonwoo's tongue drag flatly along your collarbone. when did his hands find their way under your shirt?

when you felt a mark forming at the base of your throat your head tilted back, sending a moan into the open air as you wrapped your arms around wonwoo's shoulders.

"w-wonu, the exercise..." the words carried no authority coming from you, but wonwoo relented and pulled away from your neck.

"right, right." he responded. he blinked a few times while caressing your hips, visibly trying to snap out of the trance he'd fallen into.

"i just feel bad about last night..." you went on. "its kind of all i've been thinking about."

wonwoo sighed, catching his bottom lip between his teeth as he studied you.

"i feel like shit too, baby. as soon you went to bed i regretted everything. i shouldn't have reacted to you that way when i'd just stepped through the door."

you felt the smallest flurry of butterflies from his softened demeanor, his original lustful gaze of fire sizzling for just a moment as he stared directly in your eyes with a gentleness you could tell was genuine. the pang of love that you felt conjure out of no where you was impossible to ignore, but so was the hint of desire that came along with it as he kept speaking.

"i've been wrong about a lot without even realizing it, which only makes things worse when we're frustrated."

the look of shy longing that now overtook his eyes felt incomprehensibly magnetic, and while the aggravation of the other day still burned underneath your skin, you suddenly found yourself wanting to do anything in order to make wonwoo feel better.

you couldn't remember a time where wonwoo had taken responsibility like this before, admitting fault without a hint of backlash. even though he knew you were both in the wrong a majority of the time, he was humbling himself to make amends with you– and you couldn't believe how much it was turning you on.

"i don't like going to bed angry at you," wonwoo continued his rambling, stuttering only a bit when you decided it was your turn to start kissing down his neck.

as terrible as it was, his words were starting to fade into background noise as you glide your lips along his supple skin, embracing his warm and brawny scent. you started feeling up his biceps, gently squeezing the muscle in your palms. you let yourself bask in how even more defined they felt from his gym session, which you were left to assume was less than an hour ago.

"i..." he slightly trembled, clearly losing himself to your actions. "i think theres a lot more that we could do to help fix us... you know what i mean?" he spoke in a low tone, and you caught on to how his sentences started slurring into groans when you suckled just below his sharp jaw.

much like he did earlier, you only offered wonwoo a hum of acknowledgment and nothing more.

in hindsight, you should be fully attentive to everything he's saying. especially because this was a rare moment where he was actively trying to solve things. but you just couldn't help yourself - the gentle and guilty tone of his voice was causing your mind to melt, let alone how good his body felt under yours again after so long. what was really sealing your coffin was the taste of his skin as you nipped at it, causing you to stir downstairs.

"are you even listening to me, y/n?" wonwoo asked, a large hand tugging the back of the neck so he could look into your eyes. your glossed over, lovestruck eyes. "all i'm trying to say is i'm sor-"

wonwoo's apology didn't even get to leave his lips in entirety before you were pressing them against yours, trapping the unfinished sentence back into the void. your boyfriend's eyes widened slightly at the desperation in the act, before slowly closing them and allowing you to take over.

you moaned quietly, the kiss immediately picking up intensity while you had your way in absolutely ravaging wonwoo, your thighs tightening around his waist as you tasted him more. you could feel wonwoo's resolve melting the longer you played with his hair, keeping his head firmly in place to keep feeding him the long winded kiss. he pulled away right before you could drain him of his very last drop of sanity, groaning at how your teeth latched on to his bottom lip for just a second longer.

"shouldn't we be talking, babe? you were the one who wanted to do the therapy..." wonwoo spoke, his words opposing his actions as he dragged your hips over his.

"i know, i know... just, fuck... later, please." you exhaled out, feeling overcome with pure want as one of your hands instinctively dropped down to palm your bulge.

wonwoo didn't bother hiding his smirk as he peered between your bodies at your shameless action, feeling overwhelmingly smug that he could get you acting this way with such little effort. he knew exactly how fervidly your body reacted to him, and it only inflated his ego more.

he couldn't deny your adorable pleading voice, the usual spiteful tone of yours completely replaced by begs for him. wonwoo could see how you wanted nothing more than to just feel him on top of you, overwhelming you, and he was losing his self control much faster than he'd like to admit.

fuck it, you guys could figure out the sappy stuff later.

there was no hesitation when wonwoo's long fingers encased your face and pulled you back to him, completely taking over your mouth with a searing kiss. you pitifully attempted to match his pace while you processed the heat of the moment. less than a beat later your hips were back to bucking at the feeling of that tongue of his forcing its way past your lips, slipping into your cavern and running dauntlessly over your teeth before pressing flat against your own wet muscle.

your hands were clinging to his shirt, bunching it up near his chest before you realized how in the way it was of you having true access to all of him. you started tugging at the hems of his shirt, whimpering when wonwoo's relentless tongue traced patterns on the roof of your mouth.

he immediately got the hint, pulling away to chuckle against your face while helping you yank the snug material over his head. you released a deep sigh of relief you once his body was revealed, hands shaky as you finally danced them across his perfect skin.

wonwoo was so built so fucking disrespectfully.

his chiseled muscles and bare chest were on full display to your hungry eyes. those same proportions that drove you crazy just from looking at him in fitted clothing now had your mind racing faster than you could comprehend. his exposed, broad shoulders grew wider each time you saw them, and those perked nipples and sculpted abs stared directly back at you - you had no idea if you could ever get used to him.

he pulled your mouth back to his immediately, gifting you the sloppiest open mouth kisses imaginable as all of the words you had planned to say melted into moans. you couldn’t stop yourself from grinding into him again through all the layers of your shorts, your quickly throbbing erection deliciously dragging along his much larger one. you dared break apart from wonwoo’s addictive lips just to glance down at the enormous tent in his pants, wanting to watch yourself drag your clothed cock against his again.

wonwoo chuckled, knowing you were slipping into that headspace that caused you to act like a starved maniac - you were his favorite when you acted like this.

before you knew it, you were being tossed, your back molding with the couch cushions. you looked up to see wonwoo smirking down at you, looking nothing short of divine from above you. a blush rose to your cheeks from how the soft light of your living room was cast agains the grooves of his physique.

"you want me?" he teased.

the words were caught in your throat, but you didn't even need them as wonwoo was quick to pull your own shirt clean off, covering your body with his own frame. your coo's of approval made wonwoo's dick twitch again, knowing how much you loved feeling the delicious pressure of his weight on you.

your fingertips roamed the vast expanse of wonwoo's back as he starting kissing you dizzy again, your hands just as hungry as your mouth was to feel him.

your eyes remained closed as he started kissing down your body, making sure to leave a teasing kitten lick to an exposed nipple on his way down. you shuddered at the sensation, a hand flying back to his hair as you felt his hands smooth both your shorts and underwear down your legs all in one go.

neither of you could handle much teasing when you were worked up like this. however, your back still arched against the cushions when wonwoo placed a chaste kiss to your cock, groaning as he felt streaks of precum that managed to leak through and decorate your member. he did you a quick favor, greedily licking at the underside of your cock and loving how you tugged at his hair.

wonwoo said nothing as he ventured lower, allowing his eager tongue to lap a stripe around your hole, rimming you to his content. you gasped loudly, a string of curses and disorganized begs falling from your lips while he used both palms to hold you still.

you felt tears begin to prickle at your eyes, both from desperation and satisfaction although he'd barely done anything yet. it wasn't until you felt his pink tongue finally push into entrance that a tear cascaded down your cheek, feeling the vibrations of his moans reverberate through your entire body.

it felt like as soon as wonwoo got started he had finished, withdrawing from playing with your ass as if he had only wanted a quick taste.

"so good for me, baby. not feeling like a bitch anymore, are we?" he taunted as he settled himself back over you, his cockiness making you try to avoid ogling over the sight of his chain dangling above his burly chest.

you don't bother tossing a sarcastic comment back, instead choosing to yank his neck down to sink your teeth into it. you felt a rush of pleasure from the sound that you pulled out of him, taking your time to lave your tongue over the same spot to soothe it.

wonwoo allows himself to enjoy your rough actions for a second before bringing a hand up to wrap around your neck, forcing your head back down against the couch. he makes direct eye contact with you, noting how your eyes are darkened with the same aura that swirled within his, his signature smirk stretching back across his face as he tightened his grip.

your eyes roll to the back of your head, wonwoo's long fingers keeping any sound you could have made from escaping. you bring your hands around his forearm and hike your legs back around his slender waist, obsessed with feeling as much of him at once as you can. your mind was just about to go fully blank, reaching that dangerous zone of euphoria right as wonwoo stole yet another tantalizing kiss from you, completely overriding your senses.

and you just let him have it all, whatever he wanted. it felt so good letting him take it like this however he saw fit.

he ground his hips against yours, letting you feel your bare bottom half rub against the soft material of his sweats - just to push you that extra step further into desperation. eventually, you could tell wonwoo was proud enough of himself to move on, seeing as he'd gotten you to the peak of submission that he aimed for.

he released your neck and freed your lips for just a moment as he leaned up to his knees, urgently dragging his pants down. he locked eyes with you just to watch the expression on your face when your gaze dropped down to his cock, stood at full attention and throbbing with the need of friction. no matter how many times you'd seen and taken his cock, his girth would shock you every single time.

"still not used to it, are you, baby boy?" wonwoo teased, reaching out to leave a gentle but degrading flick against your own cock.

he often made jokes about the drastic difference your sizes to piss you off, and while you did get defensive it was impossible to deny the truth to the statements - he was packing a monster under those slacks, and you wanted it more than ever right now.

the ever-so-attentive boyfriend that he was, wonwoo read your mind. with a speed that you were eternally grateful for, the now naked man grabbed a bottle of lube conveniently from the drawer beside the couch. he made sure to lathe your fluttering hole in however much he felt necessary before finally giving you his torso's warmth once more, leaning over you while hiking your leg up and over his shoulder.

you moaned feeling the stretch in your leg combined with wonwoo's dick prodding against your hole, his lips smothering your face with wet kisses as a warning before he began pushing into you.

bliss always came so quickly with wonwoo, especially when the atmosphere was heated with the pretense of aggravated lust as it was now. the deep rolls of his hips had you clamping your hand over your mouth to keep any obnoxious mewls in, although the action was practically useless with how they were slipping out anyways. not that wonwoo minded, his head just growing bigger with how good he knew he was fucking you.

"oh my god, i think i'm already close, wonu-" you groaned, holding onto his goosebumped skin like a vice.

"already?" he teased, leaning down to nibble along your collarbone. "you must've really fucking missed me, i knew you did."

you simply dug your blunt nails into his shoulder blade in response, him returning the favor by gripping your thigh with bruising strength. the grinding of his hips doubled in speed, bottoming out in you repeatedly until beads of sweat began tracing both of your foreheads.

wonwoo sucked one more mark onto your chest for good measure, and left another loud smooch on your cheek before dipping his tongue back into your whiny mouth. the barrage of sensations was enough for you to be hurdled towards your climax. you couldn't get a singular word out as white overtook your vision, ejaculating all over wonwoo's perfect porcelain chest.

he groaned loudly in pleasure. the feeling of your arousal dripping down to his abs caused his hips to stutter before he sheathed fully inside you, shooting his cum into you as well.

both of your hips slowed into a rhythmic pace, still chasing the highs of your orgasms until all limbs went weak and wonwoo was pulling out. you simply laid still in the sticky bliss, running your hands along his glistening skin while he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

"i love you," is what he muttered while basking in your scent.

"i love you too, woo."

your mouth remained ajar to speak more on your predicament, but refrained. if you were being honest, you knew that neither of you gave a damn right now. you could just start over tomorrow.

so, you hadn't quite listened to the therapist's advice... your body was buzzing with thanks that you didn't.

© 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐧𝐬 — all rights reserved

[deliciousangelfestival]

Change Of Heart - 5 (Edited ver.)

Character: Bucky x Female! Reader

Theme: Angst, tragedy, romance.

Summary: The interviewer asked her a provocative question:

“If you were offered a million dollars, would you leave your partner?”

Without hesitation, she replied with a smirk, “Give me one dollar, and I’ll leave him this second.”

True to her word, she walked away, leaving the man stunned and searching for answers. Now, he’s desperately trying to find her, grappling with the haunting question—why would she leave him so easily?

And is there more to her departure than a single dollar could ever explain?

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5.

Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻

By the way, I publish my book Arrogant Ex-Husband and Dad, I Can't Let You Go by Alina C. Bing on Kindle.

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

Bucky stood near the dock, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his coat. The waves lapped gently against the wooden posts, a rhythmic sound that did little to soothe the restlessness inside him. The sky had begun to darken, shades of deep blue swallowing the last traces of daylight.

"Sir, it's getting dark," his secretary reminded him softly, standing a few steps behind.

Bucky didn't respond immediately. Instead, he exhaled, his breath visible in the cold air. Then, out of nowhere, he asked, "Did your parents divorce?"

The secretary blinked at the sudden question. "No, sir. But my sister did. She divorced her first husband."

Bucky hummed, his gaze fixed on the horizon where the ocean stretched endlessly. "Was it the right choice?"

"I think so," the secretary admitted. "She smiles more with her second husband. He was divorced too. Somehow, they complete each other. It’s like they both learned from their past mistakes."

Bucky finally turned to look at him. "How long have they been together now?"

"Five years."

Silence settled between them. Bucky lowered his gaze, staring at the ground as if lost in thought. His parents divorced when he was young. His father changed wives like the seasons, to where Bucky had lost count of how many stepmothers he'd had. And his mother—she had become a well-known rich cougar, the kind who made headlines.

When two broken people come together, they begin to heal. But what happened between him and you... something still hurts deep down. Though both of you completed each other, seeing you leave felt like it wasn’t enough.

Bucky had spent years running from his past, avoiding the feelings he buried deep within himself. He'd been afraid of truly connecting, terrified that giving in to love would mean vulnerability—and he’d never allowed himself to be vulnerable. But with you, something changed.

He started to open up, piece by piece. He had found solace in your presence, a kind of comfort he never thought he’d experience. You made him feel like maybe it was okay to be human.

But even as the wounds began to heal, a part of him remained fractured. The scars weren’t completely gone. And as he watched you walk away, that deep-seated fear—of losing someone, of being left behind—came rushing back. He realized he wasn’t as whole as he thought he was.

Without another word, Bucky pulled out his phone. His fingers hovered over the screen momentarily before he made the call. He held the device to his ear and started walking, his steps slow and aimless as he paced along the dimly lit dock. A few streetlights flickered, casting long shadows over the worn planks beneath his feet.

The therapist answered after a few rings.

"My advice?" The voice on the other end was calm. "Let her go. Don't stop her. If she wants to come back, she will."

Bucky’s jaw clenched. His grip on the phone tightened. He didn’t agree.

"Do you have any sexual desire toward her?"

"No," he answered without hesitation.

"Do you feel safe when you're around her?"

"...Yes."

"Do you want to come home faster when you know she's waiting there?"

Bucky exhaled through his nose. "Yes."

The therapist paused before asking the last question.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

This time, Bucky hesitated. His lips parted, but the words didn't come as easily. "...No." But his voice lacked conviction.

The therapist remained silent for a beat before finally speaking.

"It will grow on you. Just wait and see."

Bucky lowered the phone, staring at the dark waters ahead. The wind picked up, tousling his hair, but he barely noticed. His chest felt tight, the answer lingering in his mind.

Had he really meant it?

The Next Day

Bucky followed you.

He shouldn’t have, but he did.

He was already waiting by the dock when you returned from your scuba diving lesson. You looked different—lighter, freer. The usual quiet presence he was familiar with had been replaced by someone more expressive, more alive. You laughed while talking to strangers, engaging with them in a way he had never seen before. When you were with him, you spoke to his colleagues, sure, but never like this. With them, it was polite conversation, surface-level. But now? You were glowing.

And Bucky didn't know how to feel about that.

You spotted him standing near the railing, and your smile faltered for just a second before returning. Surprise flickered in your eyes, but there was something else too—relief, maybe.

"You're still here," you said, your voice carrying a mix of disbelief and quiet gladness.

Bucky was about to respond, but then his gaze caught on you peeling off your wetsuit.

He froze.

It wasn’t like you were undressing provocatively—you were simply taking off your gear. But in the two years you'd been together, neither of you had ever seen the other completely bare. You had shared a home, a bed even, but always with an unspoken distance.

His throat went dry, and he forced himself to turn away, his jaw tightening.

Bucky had seen countless women undress before, but this—this was different. This was you. And it was as if some part of his brain refused to process it. He waited in silence, staring at the dark water until he heard your footsteps approaching.

You had changed into dry clothes and now stood beside him, leaning against the dock railing.

“I guess Grandpa won’t allow you to come home,” you said.

Bucky let out a dry chuckle. “How did you know?”

“Just a hunch.”

He exhaled sharply, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You’re right. But I guess… I failed. You don’t want to come back.”

“Not yet.”

Silence. The waves rolled in and out, filling the space between you.

You looked out at the sea, your expression unreadable. Then, as if speaking more to yourself than to him, you asked, “Do you ever wonder why we’re compatible?”

It was a good question. Because in truth, on paper, you shouldn’t be.

Most marriage contracts like yours didn’t last. Some couples couldn’t even stand each other for the duration of their agreement. They broke it off before the ink had dried.

You exhaled through your nose, then said with a smirk, “Because both of us are ambitious as fuck.”

Bucky scoffed. He almost laughed, but he held it in, shaking his head instead.

Then, in a quieter voice, he asked, “If you love me, why are you leaving?”

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes were softer now, but firm, steady.

“Bucky, I know you’re not ready for this. And I won’t push you. You need to figure it out yourself.”

His chest tightened.

He had spent years figuring himself out. Years battling the demons that kept him tethered to his past. But had he actually moved forward?

“I used this marriage contract to get money,” you admitted. “To have a higher status than my father. Feeling superior to him gave me satisfaction.”

Bucky swallowed hard. He understood that. He understood it too well.

He had never wanted to be in a relationship—not out of fear, but as an act of rebellion. His parents' marriage had been a disaster, a revolving door of broken vows and replacements. His father cycled through wives like a man cycling through business investments. His mother had responded by becoming one of the most infamous rich cougars in town, collecting younger lovers as if to prove something to the world.

Love, as far as Bucky had seen, was nothing more than a transaction.

He had despised it.

But now, standing here, he wasn’t so sure.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “So this is goodbye, then?”

“For now,” you said, your voice gentle. “I just want to do what I’ve been holding back. I want to grow up.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at that. “What do you mean? We’re already in our thirties.”

You smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. It was knowing, understanding.

“I mean growing up from the trauma.” Your voice softened. “Bucky, both of us were stuck as kids because of what happened to us. Our pasts kept us frozen in time. But I don’t want to stay stuck anymore. I want to move forward. I want to leave the trauma behind.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He couldn't.

“The reason I didn’t come back,” you continued, “is because I still love you. And that terrifies me. I’m running away because I can’t be near you without feeling everything too much.”

Bucky sucked in a slow breath.

This was the first time anyone had ever said those words to him like this—with honesty, with vulnerability. It was the first time he had ever received a love confession that wasn’t transactional, that wasn’t tied to expectations.

And he didn’t know what to do with it.

You stepped back. “I hope that the next time we meet, everything will be different.”

Bucky watched as you walked away, disappearing into the crowd. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe for a long moment. Then, slowly, he let out a shaky exhale.

Something was shifting inside him, something he didn’t have a name for. It wasn’t just loss. It wasn’t just regret.

It was something deeper.

A few moments later, he pulled out his phone and dialed his therapist.

When the call connected, his voice came out rough, almost reluctant.

“I think I’m starting to have… sexual desires toward her.”

There was silence on the other end.

Then, finally, his therapist sighed.

“Well, Bucky,” they said, “it looks like you’re finally catching up to your emotions.”

He decided to leave you alone, but that didn’t mean he stopped caring. No matter what, you had been there for him for two years. Marriage contract or not, you left a lasting impression on his life.

When he returned, his grandfather was waiting for him, clearly hoping you would step off the plane with Bucky.

When he saw Bucky coming down alone, Tom clicked his tongue. “You’re an idiot.”

Bucky sighed. “Give her time. She’ll be back.” Even though he's not sure when you'll be back.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

One Year Later

The café inside the park was quiet, tucked away between tall trees and winding pathways. The morning sun filtered through the leaves, casting dappled light onto the wooden tables.

Bucky sat alone, a tablet in one hand, a coffee cup in the other. He scrolled through reports, half-reading, half-listening to the sounds around him—the soft chatter of other patrons, the occasional bark of a dog, the rustling of leaves in the breeze.

Then, a voice behind him made him nearly drop his tablet.

“I see you’re still a workaholic.”

His heart clenched. He knew that voice.

Slowly, he turned around—and there you were.

You stood before him, looking different yet familiar. Your skin was sun-kissed, your hair slightly lighter, and your presence felt… freer. There was an ease in your posture, a confidence in your stance that hadn’t been there before.

For a moment, Bucky just stared, as if making sure you were real. Then, a small smile tugged at his lips.

“I don’t work as much as I used to,” he admitted.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking as you pulled out a chair and sat across from him. “Really? Who’s been keeping up with all your work, then?”

“My parents.”

That made you pause. “Your parents?”

He nodded, setting down his tablet. “Yeah. I finally faced it. The whole mess.”

And it had been a mess. For years, he had avoided confronting the real cause of his fears—his childhood. He thought that refusing to engage in relationships was an act of defiance, proof that he had broken free from his parents' toxic cycle. But in reality, he had been trapped just like them. Stuck in the same story, just playing a different role.

It wasn’t fair.

They had lived their lives—moving on, getting remarried, collecting younger lovers, burning through money—while he had been the one frozen in time, afraid to take a single step forward.

So he had done something drastic.

He had cut them off.

No more allowances, no more endless funds. Their luxurious lifestyles had been fueled by company profits, and Bucky had put an end to it.

“This company is not a charity,” he had told them. “You’ve used its assets to fund your lifestyles for too long. If I let this continue, we’ll go down in history as the first corporation to bankrupt itself paying alimony.”

His father had been furious. His mother had scoffed. But in the end, they had no choice. They had to start working.

They had been terrible parents. But, ironically, they turned out to be decent employees.

"Both of them have stopped acting childish," he said. His parents had also stopped playing the roles of sugar daddy and cougar. It turned out money was the solution.

Now, here he was, sitting across from the one person he had waited a year to see again.

"I fixed my relationship with my parents, especially my dad," you replied.

"That's good to hear," he responded.

After spending some time with your dad, you realized that without the rivalry, he's an easygoing person. You started contacting him daily.

“Why did you come back?” he asked, his voice quieter now. “Does this mean you don’t love me anymore?”

Your gaze softened. “No. I never stopped loving you.” You smiled, almost shyly. “I just had a feeling this time would be different.”

Bucky exhaled slowly, leaning back in his chair. “I see. So you’ve completed your self-discovery?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

The conversation between you flowed effortlessly, lighter than it had ever been. You talked about your travels, the people you had met, and the experiences that had changed you. Bucky listened, occasionally throwing in a sarcastic remark or a teasing comment, making you laugh. It felt easy—natural.

Then, as if it were nothing, you casually said, “I broke my leg climbing down a mountain.”

“What?!” His eyes widened, panic flashing through them.

You laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “I’m fine. Some nuns from a nearby chapel helped me. They took care of me for a month.”

Bucky frowned, his mind racing. So that’s why you didn’t post an update for a month.

You nodded. “Yeah. They prayed for me.” Then, after a pause, you admitted, “I’ve never prayed before. But I started to. Admitting my anger, my sins… it made the weight feel lighter. I guess I’m sharing my burdens with God now.” You studied his reaction carefully. “Do you think I’ve turned into a religious freak?”

Bucky shook his head. “No. As long as you found peace.”

Silence settled between you, but it was a comfortable one.

Eventually, he cleared his throat. “Do you want something to drink?”

You grinned. “Yes.”

“Caramel Macchiato, hot, less sugar… right?”

You blinked, then gave him a thumbs-up. He smirked before getting up and heading toward the cashier.

When he returned, he placed the coffee in front of you, watching as you took a small sip.

Then you said, “On my way here, I passed by a cinema playing Interstellar.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered with interest. That was his favorite movie—the one he always watched when he had time alone.

“Really?”

“You interested?” You pulled out two tickets and held them up.

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. “Let’s go.”

As you both walked side by side, he glanced at you.

“You know,” he said, “you could share your burdens with me too.”

You turned to him, your expression unreadable.

Was that… a proposal?

Bucky continued, his tone calm but firm. “We’ve known each other for two years. You left for one. And yet, you came back with the same feelings. And I waited a year for you to come back.”

Your heart pounded.

This time, it wasn’t just a contract. It wasn’t a transaction.

It was something real. Something earned.

And for the first time, you weren’t afraid of it.

This time, there was a difference between them.

Before, they had been trapped—chained to the past, repeating old patterns, clinging to wounds that refused to heal. They had mistaken their pain for identity, their fears for inevitability.

But now, they had changed.

Not because time had passed, but because they had made the choice to move forward.

They had faced their demons, made peace with their scars, and learned to let go. Bucky was no longer a man protesting love out of spite. And you were no longer someone running away to find yourself.

You had both found your own way—separately.

And yet, in the end, that path had led you back to each other.

-The End-

Epilogue:

Bucky suddenly remembered something. “I should call Grandpa to let him know you’re back.”

You chuckled. “Oh, I already met him when I landed. That’s how I knew where to find you.”

Bucky smiled and shook his head. Even after a year, you still cared about Tom.

After watching the movie, he will take you to meet Tom. His grandpa will welcome you with open arms and finally stop calling him an "idiot."

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[koyagifs]

𝓹.𝓼 𝓲 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾

pairing: san x reader au: idol | best friends to lovers | genre: fluff word count: 3.4 k synopsis: throughout the years you and san sent letters to each other even with his busy lifestyle as an idol. The love letters he never knew until you handed him the last one in person. warning(s): fluff, sweet tooth rotting - literally will get cavities.

October 24, 2018

dear sannie, you've done it!! you debuted!! i couldn't have be a much prouder friend. You looked amazing on stage and in your music videos. Seeing you live your dream brings me much joy. College just started for me and im already nervous to not have you here beside me. You won't forget me right?

love, yn

San smiled at the letter, his heart swelling with warmth. He could almost hear your voice as he read it, the familiar way you always cheered him on, even from afar. Around him, his members noticed the soft expression on his face and couldn’t resist teasing him.

"What’s got you all mushy, San?" Wooyoung smirked, leaning over to peek at the letter.

San quickly folded it, keeping it close to his chest. "Just an old letter from a friend," he said, but the fondness in his tone gave him away.

"A friend, huh?" Yunho chimed in, raising an eyebrow. "You’ve been smiling at that thing for ten minutes. Must be a pretty special friend."

"She is," San admitted softly, his gaze lingering on the folded paper.

The teasing continued, but San didn’t mind. To him, that letter was more than just words on a page—it was a reminder of you, the person who had always believed in him, no matter how far apart you were. And in that moment, he felt closer to you than ever.

January 31, 2021

Dear Sannie, Congratulations on your first Bonsang! my roommate and i watched it, she's a huge fan by the way. I couldn't help but cry ha - i can already hear you call me a big baby. I can't help it. You and your members deserved the win and so much more. I hope you're doing well. Your parents had invited me over for spring break saying you'll be there. I hope i get to see you there ~

love, yn

San felt guilt creep on him when he read your letter. He had told his parents that he would try to make it for break but unknowningly had such a busy schedule (more like year) .

Spring break had come and gone, and he hadn't been able to make it home like he had promised. Promotions, rehearsals, and countless other commitments had eaten up his time. His parents had told him you were looking forward to seeing him, but it hurt him to know he had let you down, even though you likely understood.

He thought back to the letter you had sent him—your words still fresh in his mind. Your gentle, supportive tone had made him feel even worse. He knew you weren’t upset or angry, but that didn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at him. Your understanding was something he cherished, but it also made him feel even more responsible for not being able to fulfill his promise.

July 9, 2021

Dear Sannie, i saw your company confirm that you have covid. I hope you're well and getting plenty of rest. I'm worried about you, thankfully your mom is very assuring. It's been so long since we last seen each other and i think im officially have choi san withdrawals. haha only took like 4 years to have withdrawals from your annoying ass. in all seriousness, i truly do miss you san. i graduate soon, you'll be there right?

love, yn

San’s heart sank as he read your letter. The warmth of your words mixed with the concern you expressed about his health made him feel both comforted and guilty. He knew you must’ve been worried when the news of his diagnosis broke, and the last thing he wanted was to cause you any additional stress. He had been keeping a low profile, resting as much as he could, but your message reminded him of how much he missed you and how badly he wanted to be there for you.

He leaned back on his bed, sighing softly. It had been too long, and your humor—your way of bringing light to everything—was something he dearly missed. He smiled at the thought of your "Choi San withdrawals" comment, shaking his head at how much you loved to tease him. Even now, you were still able to make him laugh, even when he was feeling miserable.

July 6,2024

Your fingers were clenched around the straps of your tote bag, the weight of the letters inside feeling oddly heavy, despite being just paper. The photocard of San and Sandeoki tucked inside the bag was a small comfort, but the true contents were the letters you had written to him over the years—letters you never had the courage to send.

You had written them during moments of missing him, of wondering when you'd see him again, or just to express things you never got to say in person. Some were long, filled with stories and updates, others short and simple. But all of them were filled with love, concern, and a longing that had never truly gone away, no matter how much time passed.

Today, you decided, would be the day to let him read them. Maybe it was the fact that you had so much PTO saved up, or maybe it was just the need to reconnect after all this time. But either way, you were determined to surprise him.

You couldn’t believe it. You were in the front row, the best seat you could ever have hoped for, and the adrenaline was almost too much to handle. The energy from the crowd was contagious, buzzing through the air like electricity. The excitement around you was palpable, fans chattering and eagerly looking for their favorite idols. You felt like you were in a dream, surrounded by the cheers and anticipation.

And then, it happened.

The moment you’d been waiting for was finally here. You could feel the air in the room shift as the members made their way down the stage, waving and smiling at everyone, their energy infecting the crowd. The cheers grew louder, but amidst it all, your heart was beating so fast you thought it might explode. The closer they got, the more real the situation felt—and the more nervous you became.

Your row was the first to head up for their interaction, and now you found yourself standing up, unsure if your legs would support you. You clutched your hands together, trying to calm your nerves, but your heart was thudding in your chest. You had prepared yourself for this moment, but now that it was here, everything felt like a blur.

As you walked towards them, your gaze instinctively found him—San. He was closer now, his smile warm and genuine as he interacted with the fans ahead of you. You could hardly believe it. The boy who had been such a big part of your life, now right in front of you. Your mind was racing, and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The cheering around you, the music playing softly in the background—it all faded as you focused solely on him.

Mingi’s playful tone made you laugh, and your nerves eased a little as you settled into the moment. You had always enjoyed Mingi’s energy, his teasing and carefree nature making interactions like this feel lighthearted. As he signed your album, his eyes twinkled with mischief.

"Yn, you said... hm..." he hummed thoughtfully, looking up at you. "Tell San that he's a lucky guy~" he continued with a wink, his teasing tone drawing out a laugh from you.

You couldn’t help but smile, a small blush creeping up your cheeks at his comment.

he playful banter made the nervous energy you had carried with you melt away, replaced by the warmth of his friendly presence.

Mingi handed your album back to you, his signature neatly added to the cover, before squeezing your hand lightly. "I’m glad you’re here, Yn. It’s been too long. Let’s make sure you get to see San properly later. He’s been talking about you a lot lately, actually."

Your heart skipped at his words, a mix of curiosity and excitement stirring within you. Mingi’s smile softened for a moment before he winked again, clearly enjoying the way he was getting to you.

"Don’t keep him waiting, hm?" he added teasingly.

Hongjoong’s eyes widened the moment he saw you, and the surprise was written all over his face. He stopped mid-signature, staring at you for a moment as if trying to process what was happening. It was clear that he recognized you, and that realization made the moment feel even more surreal.

"So, you're the long lost bestie, hm?" Hongjoong teased, a playful smirk forming on his lips. His tone was light, but there was a warmth in his eyes, like he was genuinely happy to see you again.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction, the familiarity of his teasing making you feel right at home. "You can say that," you replied with a grin, shaking your head at how easily he had caught onto the situation. You hadn’t expected him to recognize you so quickly, but Hongjoong was always the type to notice the little details.

His eyes softened as he leaned forward slightly, clearly amused but also curious. "San’s been talking about you a lot, you know," he added with a wink, almost as if it was a secret he was letting slip.

Hongjoong’s smile widened at your words, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes as he waved a staff member over. "I’m sure it’s all good things," he said with a wink, clearly enjoying the playful dynamic between the two of you. His attention shifted momentarily as he muttered something to the staff member, gesturing toward you.

You couldn’t help but feel a little curious, but you smiled at Hongjoong’s antics, knowing it was all in good fun. "It’s really nice to meet you too, Hongjoong oppa," you said, giving him a bright smile before starting to move down the line.

As you moved toward San, your heart raced even faster, the excitement mixing with a fresh wave of nerves. It had been years since you last saw him, and now, here you were—standing right in front of him again. It felt surreal, as if time had frozen for a moment, and you were about to close the distance that had stretched between the two of you.

San’s eyes met yours, and there was a flicker of recognition before his lips curled into that familiar, warm smile that made your heart skip a beat. You could see the slight surprise in his eyes, followed by a softness that only he could give you.

He took your album gently, his fingers brushing against yours as he began to sign it. The way he looked at you, his focus entirely on you, made everything feel more personal than you ever expected. His smile deepened, almost like he was processing the moment, and you could feel the weight of all those years apart—yet somehow, it felt like no time had passed at all.

"Yn…" San said your name softly, almost as if he was savoring it, and the way his voice carried your name sent a rush of warmth through you. "I didn’t expect to see you here."

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, trying to ease the nerves that had gripped you. "I didn’t expect to be here either," you replied, your voice quieter than you intended, but filled with the same affection that had always been there.

San paused for a moment, looking up at you with a tender expression. It was like he wanted to say something more, but the words got caught somewhere between his heart and his lips. Instead, he offered a quiet chuckle, almost as if he was trying to find his footing in this long-awaited moment.

"I’ve missed you," he finally said, his voice low but sincere. The words made your heart flutter, and you couldn't help but smile, your nerves slowly melting away as you soaked in the familiar presence of the person who had been such a big part of your life.

"I’ve missed you too, San," you whispered, feeling the warmth of his words wrap around you. "It’s really good to see you again."

As you handed San the stack of letters, you felt a quiet sense of relief. These were the letters you had never sent, all the thoughts and feelings you had stored over the years—now in his hands, where they belonged. He took them gently, looking up at you with a mixture of surprise and appreciation, his smile widening as he held them close.

Before any staff member could take the letters from him, San playfully shooed them away, his gaze never leaving you. "These are mine now," he said with a soft laugh, his voice warm and full of affection. You could tell he wasn’t going to let them go that easily.

Then, his eyes softened, scanning you as if noticing the smallest details for the first time in a long while. "You look amazing, by the way," he added, his tone sincere and appreciative. The compliment caught you off guard, but it made you smile—there was something about hearing it from him that made it feel even more special.

"Thanks, San," you replied, your heart fluttering a little. "You don’t look too bad yourself," you teased, trying to ease the tension with a playful tone, though the warmth you felt inside was undeniable.

He chuckled, his expression lighting up with amusement. "I’ll take that as a compliment," he said, his eyes sparkling. There was an easy, natural chemistry between the two of you, and it felt as though the years apart had only made this moment even more meaningful.

San’s fingers tightened slightly around the letters, a silent promise that he would read every single one. He met your gaze again, his eyes intense yet gentle. "I’m really glad you’re here, Yn," he said softly. "I missed you more than I realized."

You swallowed the lump in your throat, nodding as a wave of emotion washed over you. The moment felt so intimate, so real, that it was hard to believe everything you had gone through had led to this—this moment with him, right in front of you, ready to pick up where you left off.

You weren't completely shocked when a staff member pulled you aside when you headed to the bathroom. They took you to the back where you see San's manager who looked at you with a smile.

You were a little taken aback, but the manager’s warm smile quickly put you at ease. You nodded, a bit of nervousness still hanging in the air, and bowed respectfully as you replied, “Yes, I’m Yn. It’s really nice to meet you.”

His smile widened even further, the kind of friendly, reassuring smile that made you feel comfortable. “Great!” he said, his voice light and friendly. “Hongjoong wanted to make sure you get to spend the proper time with San after the fan greeting. You don’t have anything planned afterwards, right?”

The question threw you off for a second, but the surprise quickly melted into something more like anticipation. You hadn’t expected this kind of opportunity, and you found yourself almost speechless for a moment.

“No, nothing planned,” you replied quickly, shaking your head. “I don’t have anywhere to be after this.”

The manager’s expression softened, clearly pleased. “Perfect. I’ll make sure San knows. He’ll be happy to see you again, I’m sure.”

You could barely contain the butterflies in your stomach as you processed what he had said. You were being given a chance to spend some actual time with San after the fan greeting—something you never thought would happen. It felt like the universe had suddenly conspired to bring everything full circle.

San's excitement was palpable as he made his way backstage, his usual easygoing demeanor replaced by an eager energy. He had been looking forward to spending time with you since the moment he saw you during the fan greeting, and now that it was finally happening, his anticipation was nearly overwhelming.

As he hurried through the corridors, he spotted a seat near where the members had been resting—empty. His heart skipped a beat, and he immediately knew you must be somewhere nearby. His footsteps quickened, a smile tugging at his lips as he made his way toward the back.

He spotted the manager first, and without missing a beat, San called out, “Where is she?”

The manager’s face lit up at the sight of San, clearly enjoying the interaction. “She’s just down the hall, waiting for you.”

San’s grin grew even wider, and he didn’t waste a second. He rushed down the hallway, the anticipation rising with every step, until he finally rounded the corner and saw you. There you were, standing by the door, looking just as excited and nervous as he felt. Your presence made everything feel more real, and his heart swelled with happiness.

When you saw him, a smile broke out across your face, and before you could say anything, San was already there, walking towards you with long strides. The moment you locked eyes, the world around you seemed to fade. The years apart, the distance—none of it mattered now.

"Yn," San said your name softly, his voice full of warmth and something else, something deeper. He was standing right in front of you now, his eyes searching yours, as though taking in every little detail.

The moment San’s arms wrapped around you, everything felt like it clicked back into place. All the years apart, the distance, the longing—it all flooded back in an overwhelming rush. You could feel the tension in your body release as he pulled you in close, his warmth wrapping around you like a familiar blanket.

Tears started to blur your vision as they rolled down your cheeks, unexpected yet somehow inevitable. The years you had spent missing him, the silent ache in your chest, and the excitement of finally being here, in his arms—it was all too much. You let the emotions flow freely, no longer holding back.

San’s grip tightened around you, his hands soothingly rubbing your back, as if grounding you in the moment. His voice was soft, filled with concern, but laced with the same warmth that had always made you feel safe. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, his voice just for you. “I’m here now. I’m right here.”

His words, so familiar yet so comforting, broke something inside you, and you cried even harder. It was the release you didn’t know you needed, the culmination of everything you had kept bottled up for years.

San pulled back slightly, just enough to look at your face, his expression filled with a mix of understanding and tenderness. His thumb gently wiped the tears from your cheeks, his gaze softening as he smiled down at you. “I’m so sorry it took this long,” he whispered.

You sniffed, still overwhelmed by everything but grateful beyond words. “Me too,” you whispered back, your voice barely audible. “I didn’t know how much I needed this until now.”

San’s hands cupped your face, his forehead resting gently against yours. “You don’t ever have to wait this long again,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ll make sure of that.”

San’s breath hitched slightly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His heart raced as you gently pressed your lips to his, the kiss tender and full of unspoken feelings. The moment felt like it was suspended in time, both of you lost in the shared connection that had been years in the making.

The soft warmth of his lips against yours was everything you had been yearning for during the long time apart. It wasn’t just a kiss—it was a promise, a shared understanding of all the moments that led up to this one. You could feel the way his hands instinctively tightened around you, pulling you even closer, as if he never wanted to let you go again.

The kiss deepened, slow and careful, as if both of you were savoring the reunion. Every little touch, every breath, felt like the culmination of everything you had missed and everything you were about to rediscover together.

When you finally pulled away, you both lingered, foreheads resting against each other, breathing heavily, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions. San’s hands remained on your face, his thumbs brushing gently against your skin as he looked at you with such softness in his eyes.

" promise?"

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, his voice barely above a breath. “I promise.”

You smiled, a sense of peace washing over you, knowing that this time, you didn’t have to wait any longer.

[ezrasxfics]

abstragedy fic where caine figures out zooble likes gangle and keeps pestering them about it? (like a parent would react to their child getting their first crush lmao) /nf :3

i’ve never been prouder…

-

abstragedy (ft caine)

-

zooble pov

it’s just another day in the circus, and by that i mean, another day of being surrounded by total DIPSH*TS. jax.. bubble.. and probably the biggest of them all, caine. hell, he’s harassing me right now. absolutely f*cking relentlessly.

“oh, zooooblee~!” he calls out, floating down the hallways in an attempt to find me. by now, everyone else had left for an adventure. i stay completely silent, praying that he doesn’t fine me. until—

he’s right in front of me.

“what do you want!?” i snap, maybe a little more aggressively than i meant to. it was just.. something about him. something that aggravated me to no end. that loud voice, that ‘can-do’ attitude.. it reminded me of someone, and i couldn’t put my finger on who.

“oh, zooble, i just wanted to talk to you!! have a little chat.. because i’ve noticed that you and gangle have been quite friendly recently - almost like.. what do humans call it.. you’re ‘down bad’ for each other!”

“….WHAT!? where the hell did you get that idea-!?” i stammer, unable to deny that he was absolutely right. but his wording..? “and don’t say ‘down bad’ again. my god…”

caine stares at me blankly for a few seconds, as if he’s buffering, before cocking his head to the side. “isn’t that what you are? when two humans love each other—“

“okay- okay, shut up- no- don’t finish that f**king sentence. we’re just friends, okay?? that’s it.” raising both my hands defensively, i take a small step back. “we’re just close friends, okay??”

“i hate to accuse you of lying, zooble, but that can’t be true! the way you look at each other, the way your voice deepens a little and hers gets higher when you talk to each other, the way your pupils dilate, it’s all key symptoms of human love!”

“…symptoms? love, or whatever, isn’t a disease—“

“moving onnnnn- i’ve developed a foolproof 5 step plan on how you two can finally admit your feelings to each other!!” he says, a wide smile on his face. or.. his teeth. how can teeth even—? whatever.

“no.” i say simply, folding my arms as if to display my disapproval. “no f**king way.”

“so, firstly, i’ll set you two up on a special adventu-“ he cuts himself off, before continuing. “what do you mean, no? you haven’t even heard my plan, zooble!”

“i don’t need to. caine, you’re an ai. you don’t understand.. feelings. they’re more complicated than just statistics and predictions and plans, you just.. nevermind. forget i said anything.”

“okay!!” he replies, but his energy faltered slightly. i almost felt.. bad for him.

“..fine. tell me the damn plan. no promises, though.” i mutter, after a small hesitation. he may be an ai, but i know that even caine has.. basic feelings. i wouldn't want to be an a** and hurt him.

almost immediately, that spark of joy in him returned as he began to relay the plan. “so, zooble, firstly, you’re going to go on a special adventure for just the two of you. then, she’s going to end up in some sort of.. sticky situation. and you’re going to save her!! once you’ve saved her, you’ll say a little speech you prepared.. and happily ever after!!!!”

“……that’s only four steps.” i say, entirely dumbfounded. he couldnt seriously expect me to go through with THAT, right?? then again, it’s caine we’re talking about…

“happily ever after is step 5!! so, what d’you say, zooble? i worked very hard on it, it would be a shame for my plan to go to waste-“

“FINE— fine, i’ll f**king do it. if you leave me the hell alone.”

“done deal!!!” he sighs, clasping his hands and bringing them to the side of his face. “i’ve never been so proud..”

-

thanks for the request!! i had a lot of fun writing this!!!

reblogs appreciated!!

[bakubabeyy]

Want to see what I've learned?

Ridoc wants to show you a skill he's been working on with his signet.

*18+ MINORS DNI*

Warnings: Smut with minimal plot, established relationship, use of the nickname, "baby"

Word Count: ~1.2k

I sat with Violet and Rhiannon in the cafeteria for breakfast. My muscles ached from our morning run. Ridoc had not shown his face yet, but he was not one to get up early. I’ve had to wake him up on more than one occasion so he wasn’t late for formation. Violet was staring down Xaden from two tables away, swirling her food around with her fork. 

“Eat your breakfast.” Rhiannon chastised her. 

“He’s just so frustrating.” She grumbled. 

“Xaden?” I asked. 

“Yes.” She groaned. 

I couldn’t help but giggle. Those two were down bad for each other and neither would admit it. The question was whether they weren’t admitting it to each other or themselves. 

“I just wish—“ She was cut off by Ridoc sprinting into the room, sliding in next to me. 

“Hey, baby.” He pecked my lips, before leaning in close to whisper in my ear, “I learned something new with my signet, wanna see?”

Goosebumps littered my skin at his tone. I shifted in my chair, looking over our table to see if the others had noticed. By the look on their faces, they had. Luckily, they were polite enough not to comment as Violet continued with her grievances against Xaden. Her words fell on deaf ears. With the hungry look in Ridoc’s eyes, nothing else mattered to me. 

I cleared my throat, “Of course I wanna see.” 

He gripped my bicep, pulling me from my seat, “Cover for us in Battle Brief.” He did not give the others a chance to respond before leading me out of the cafeteria and back to his room on the first-year floor. Which at this point is our room. I hadn’t slept in my own room for quite some time now. 

“You’re not going to break something else in our room, are you?” I questioned him, bending my knee and leaning to the side. 

“Not unless you want me to.” He stalked towards me, his eyes darkening. 

“I thought you wanted to show me something with your signet.” I took a step, my back hitting the door. I did not think he would hurt me, but I was caught off guard. 

He smirked, “You’ll see.” His lips were on mine before I had a moment to think. My hands tangled in his hair, causing him to groan. He gripped the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. Our tongues battled for dominance, neither willing to relent. He nipped my lower lip with his teeth, pulling away gently. Leaning his forward against mine, both of us tried to catch our breath. 

“I’m not complaining but, this doesn’t seem signet related.” I smiled. 

“That sounds a bit like a complaint.” His hands skimmed underneath my thighs, prompting me to jump. 

I wrapped my legs around his waist as he attached his lips to mine once more. Without breaking the kiss, he led us over to the bed, lowering me down onto it. He smiled into my mouth. 

“What?” I laughed.

“I love you.” He said, his eyes glossy. 

“I love you too.” I giggled. 

He removed my clothes in an instant, standing above me. 

“Well this isn’t fair.” I grumbled, looking at his fully clothed form. 

“You’re so greedy.” He chuckled. 

His deep laugh sent need straight down to my core. I'd never had a man’s laugh affect me so much. Although I’d never been with a man that looked like Ridoc before. He laughed often, which meant I took him to bed often. He pulled his shirt over his head, discarding it somewhere in the room. 

“Better?” He teased. 

“Yes.” I smiled. 

I moaned as he leaned over my form and I could feel just how badly he needed me. His lips attached to my neck. Nipping and kissing in all the right places. He sucked on an extra sensitive spot. I leaned my head to the side allowing him better access. I tangled my hands in his hair, gripping tight. He groaned. 

“Ridoc.” I whined. 

He laughed into my neck before placing open mouthed kisses down my abdomen. He stopped just above where I needed him most. I arched my back as his hand squeezed my breast gently. His mouth attacked the other, swirling his tongue around my nipple before attaching his mouth entirely. I threw my head back and groaned. Then the cold crept in. Oh. My. Gods. His mouth slowly cooled down with each passing moment. His teeth grazed over my hardened nipple. 

“Fuck.” I moaned. 

While he continuously changed the temperature of my one breast, his hand twirled around the other, squeezing and pawing like a cat making biscuits. He pinched with his thumb and forefinger and I could barely contain my moans. I arched my hips towards his causing him to groan. He removed his mouth from my breast, looking up at me. 

“Was that alright?” He asked. 

“That was amazing.” I said, sounding needier than intended. 

“Good.” He laughed, “Cause I have other ideas.” 

He trailed kisses down my abdomen once more before immediately attaching his mouth to my clit. I arched into him, but he held my hips down with his arms wrapped around the backs of my thighs. He swirled and circled my bud before licking a strip up the entirety of my core. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling slightly. He groaned against my core, the vibrations causing my eyes to roll back in my head. Two of his fingers entered me and I couldn’t help but rock against his movements. He laughed once more before wrecking my world. His mouth cooled down drastically. The sensation was almost too much on my sensitive clit. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I shouted. 

Just when it felt like too much, the cold dissipated, but his movements continued. What he did next shocked me even more. The fingers pumping inside of me began to freeze. The ice melted inside, adding more than enough lubricant. My eyes rolled into my head. 

“That feel good, baby?” Ridoc asked. 

“mhmm.” I said, unable to form a coherent thought. 

He chuckled before continuing his assault on my clit. A knot formed in my lower belly and I knew I was getting close. Ridoc found that perfect spot inside, pressing repeatedly, each time colder than the last. My mind blurred as my body heated. I threw my head back as my hips moved in tandem with Ridocs fingers, trying to gain more friction. I could stay here forever, in this perfect moment. 

“Let go for me, baby.” Ridoc coaxed. 

My back arched off the bed, a scream ripping from my throat. Waves of pleasure washed over my body. Ridoc continued thrusting his fingers inside, working me through the high. Gods, I wanted all of him. I breathed heavily, trying to come down. Ridoc removed his fingers, hovering above and pushing my hair out of my face. 

“That was hot.” I said, still trying to catch my breath.

“No, that was cold.” Ridoc winked, laughing at his own stupid joke. 

I rolled my eyes, lifting my head to kiss his lips. 

“Wanna see if I can do that with my dick?” He asked, pulling away. 

I threw my head back and laughed, “Yes, yes I do.”

[ultimate-marysue]

How I feel my Batfam ships may or may not have children (please don't take me seriously I just need wholesomeness):

Dickkory: multiple bio kids, I'm pretty sure this is canon in some future/alternative universes. I think DC should set Kori free on a PTA meeting with no one explain to her the absurd social rules Karens set. The shitty mothers would hate her because she's over here, playing dumb on purpose until they're forced to admit they're just being annoying/egocentric and not actually asking to better their kid's education. Also, career day would be crazy considering Dick changes jobs every few months to get involved into whatever business he's investigating. Like, one year he's a cop, next he's a super model, next he's a college professor somehow. Kori thinks it's really funny so she insists on Dick being the one to go.

Dickbabs: they either don't have kids (just adopt a bunch of rescues) or maybe have one adoptive kid. Other than Cass who is Babs daughter I don't care what anyone thinks. Just Dick, Barbara and Barbara's daughter who is also Dick's sister. Also, Babs got lucky with Cass being homeschooled, the second she has to deal with the school system she's on the phone with the president blackmailing him to fix it. Easy to say, Dick deals with school exclusively from them on.

BabsDinah: they're the lesbian aunts (that end up doing a lot of the parenting because they can't help themselves). Like, neither of them would really want to have kids of their own, but the second a young vigilante with a shit ton of issues gets dropped in their doorstep it's on. Like, officially they'd be mentors, but they all see each other as family.

Stephcass: Cass is a ticking bomb, she's going to find an ex-murderer kid in need of guidance and just bring them home. Steph is not thrilled at first because they're so young still until she realizes "oh wait no, we're like, adult adults now" and then she has a crisis (unrelated to the child). Also Steph would love love to prove she's better than her father (but would be terrified of messing up). At first they're really chill but soon enough they turn it into a competition with the other Bats. Not a competition between their kids, mind you ("no Cass, that's bad parenting") but a competition of who's the best parent. Jason is terrified of them, but the rest are absolutely down.

Jayroy: asides from our beautiful wonderful and just overall fantastic Lian Harper, I think they might end up adopting some kids. What can I say? I think Jason should have Bruce's adoption gene, but specially for kids in dangerous/hard situations. I'm talking the older kids that never get adopted or younger kids with some sort of disability that need extra accomodations. I think Jason would try very hard to avoid them being vigilantes at least until they're 18. Roy is more chill with vigilantism because well, Lian turned out fine, but he respects Jason's opinion. Most important, no child of his is going to be a Robin to Bruce fucking Wayne. Also, everyone in the PTA would love them, they'd be super involved and Jason would make sure to bribe the appropriate people with muffins.

TimKon: test tube baby, not on purpose though. Like, I don't see Tim as someone actively wanting kids (especially not biological ones) and Kon wouldn't want his kid having to face the problems he did. But like, if Cadmus pulls some weird shit and there's a super baby for the taking, they would both want to make sure they give him the most loving upbringing possible. Another option is Tim accidentally creating their baby while trying to clone Kon while he was dead. That one's plausible and has a lot of angst hurt/comfort potential. Also, Teen Dad Tim after being extremely parentified during his early teens taking care of Bruce (while grieving everyone!) is evil , but a compelling kind of evil. Like a trainwreck you can't look away from.

TimBer: dual income no kids kinda queers. They're over here taking their various nephews to Olive Garden and Disneyland only to drop them off and go live their lovely stress free lives. They may adopt a kid, but that would be only when they really settled down. Let Tim enjoy his 20s (if he ever gets there) my boy has been through enough.

Dukeizzy: again, maybe it's because Duke's still pretty young so he hasn't showed much interest or inclination toward parenting, but I don't have a lot of info to go with. Personally either Dual income "take the kids to do airsoft" kinda uncle/aunt, I can see both of them being really good at giving advice to younger vigilantes (the whole situation of We Are Robin gives you a lot of insight in the power of child vigilantes separated from any mentors, so they're in a particular good spot to mediate between the kids and adults). In the case of them having kids, I think they should inherit Dukes autism (I love that headcanon) and both he and Izzy would be those parents making damn sure their kids get the accommodations they need specially at school. If their kids choose to become vigilantes you bet they're gonna be unionized.

Also, I don't have any particular ship for Damian but you bet that if that boy ever becomes a parent they'd be the softest, sweetest father in the world.

[deesseshesca]

PILE 1

His veiny hands, his strong bicep, his tattoo and the fact that everything he does screams masculinity. He’s amazing knowledge in alcohol or the fucking way he drive a car with so much assurance. His signature perfume and the way he never talks loud but always what's right. Did you ever find a man in finance this secure in himself with no God complex…yeah no that doesn't exist. But it's only right that he feels for you. The more I spend time observing you … I understand why he's falling… I am 2 .. I guess. Let’s start by the creativity that breathes out of you with everything you do. Is like you are in love with the whole woman's experience which can be seen by the way you take care of your hair ; long and healthy. You don't just stop there, you color them and style it  anytime you want. The freckles that decorate your face like you are living painting. Your perfect nose and small but luscious lips. Is the way you are fine not being everyone's type and you don't care to change. You with your long and beautifully manicured nails. The way you love on your body unapologetically even though is not the standard in modern beauty. You never complain about your boobs being too big, your butt being too small or even your hips being too wide. Nah you wear whatever you want. Flowing dress, deep cut shirt with no bra not caring that your tits are sagging. What makes you even more intrigued is the complexity that lives beneath your beauty, elegance and confidence. You fucking love cars, passionate about it. I would have never guessed it, I would think you were an artist or even a mua but nah mamacita is trying to become an engineer. Is almost like life never hurted, never controlled, never took the best out of you. You decide to be your own person no matter what and your authenticity can be seen, admired, and envy by many including me. In my case I was pushed into this bimbo character. Need to act, look and be always be perfect since I could remember. Making sure to eat properly so I don't gain to much weight, making sure to message my skin so my boob dont sag, make sure to shave everywhere on my body, make sure to straighten my curls because curly ain't sexy, making sure to never skip a leg day so the butt stay juicy, making sure to have a clear skin. And it does not stop there … making sure I moan seductively, make sure I know how suck good, making sure I am submissive enough. I did it all to please … the one I want, stay unimpressed while the other treats me like lesser women because all they can think of is having sex. Actually you guys are so cute together, the way you like to act like you don't see him applying  pressure. Always touching you any chance he gets, always looking at you across the room, always having your back when you need a ride back home even when the party's at his place. While you tease him, give him kisses across his face every so often, while giving him compliments with your beautiful voice, seducing him with your healthy femininity. Today, in the bathroom, too many drink in my system, hiding while writing this fucking email … I must admit that you have influence me. Because the man I love, loves you for you. Not a version of you made to please, made to seduce, made to only be relevant for the other sex. Maybe it is time for me to admit that all this is in vain … because being the standard did not make me pick, choose or even love. In all fucking honesty I am tired to prove that I am nice enough, fun enough, sexy enough, kind enough … Fuck… can I not just be enough ? (tears on the screen, somebody calls her name) 

Fuck is not like you are even going to read this anyways…

VIBES: New beginning, fresh start, new couple, love at first sight, red string theory, cant get enough of each other, a lot of tension, chemistry and perfect match. 

A lot of people are happy y’all find each other because you were both unfulfilled in love.

[hopefulprotect]

Will was purposely trying to be careful with how he spoke. He knew from experience if you spoke without thinking it could blow up in your face. And right now felt like one of those moments. But he felt relief in seeing that prompt smile still on the blonde’s face with her agreement. Will had learned from being ghosted as hurt as he was and feeling betrayed in the moment, he respected Hannah. He loved her for who she was now. Back then, it was a hard pill to swallow for himself. Admit that he did want to save her. And honestly it felt surreal to be sitting here with the female and have that open communication now. 

But it helped put us into perspective for us, for any lingering of hope. It was real for me, I loved Hannah and I’d always hold a lingering of a torch for her. But right now what either of us needed was friendship with the other. “ I mean, I liked you before the relapse, I loved you, but I also know now, the timing was beyond us.” A timing to love, to support each other for those right reasons. But here we sat, adults, grown into the best versions of ourselves. As she gave me the trust to pick out two dishes I had exhaled a hearty laugh now. “ Oh I know, we can’t resist the chicken and from what I hear the chicken here melts in your mouth.” He echoed the reassurance now as he scanned over the contents of the menu. Right as the waiter had stopped at the table, I had lowered my menu down to the table and used my pointer finger to aid in the direction of which dishes we desired to have. “ We’re gonna share a few dishes. Creamy Garlic Chicken. And we’ll do a honey BBQ Chicken dish.” Both had a choice of rice or Pasta so we did one of both, now my mouth was watering by the time the waiter left to put the orders in. 

“ Trusting my gut are we?” I asked with raised brows humoring the mood.

continued

@drhannahasher

It was a big ask; a beg even for Hannah to overcome her struggles to come into Med to help me. And honestly thinking back to the call I had the low expectations she’d answer or yet come for my benefit. Hannah made it clear over a year ago when she left Chicago she left us, left me behind. It took the hold of constant rejected calls and unanswered messages to understand to see the bigger picture. She wanted nothing to do with me; she had tossed me aside when she had her relapse. And it stung; I cared I wanted to help her. I believed in her when she thought the worse version of herself. I saw the good in her; and yeah I wanted to keep her off the wagon, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for her. I knew she past; the struggles, but I also saw how strong she was. 

Hannah wasn’t how everyone perceived her after the accident; after being seen as a drug addict, after she left town. I believed she’d find what she was searching for. Even if it never included me. I had Jay on my back teasing about the pinning love I lost, as if he had something to say, given the fact he was not so subtle pinning for his partner might I add. Let’s just say our nights of going out for a drink had become quite frequent. But today wasn’t about my feelings, or my lack of covering what i felt for the blonde. It was about Alyssa a friend who I cared for. And her unborn child; her husband was on another table; one Ethan was working to fix, but my priority was in Hannah’s gallery because even if she didn’t want my support in the OR I was going to be in the gallery to oversea the process, I would never forgive myself if I never showed up. I was scared for Alyssa my childhood friend, but I knew the consequences if Hannah had messed up; not that I believed she would. 

Because I knew the female; she had skill, she worked with grace, which was only confirmed as I stood in the gallery. I glanced to the prying eyes of the residents; of interns who only knew of Hannah Asher through the whispers. But I saw Hannah first hand and I wanted to be proud of her. But her last comment stood in my head. “ Reunite you with Alyssa and the baby.” What does that mean? I had rack my mind on it. I was probably coming off as dumb now, but right now I was confused. Did Hannah think Alyssa and I were..? Did she believe I was the dad because of how far I fought for Alyssa? The questions kept looping around in my mind. And honestly I wouldn’t blame the blonde if she assumed. I did fight for Alyssa, I fought to get her the best care. The only OB I trusted to care for her. She was a friend someone I’d always go to bat for. But did I want to be with Alyssa? No of course not. Once a crush but now I was happy with being a doctor, of being the caring surgeon; the one that oversteps on almost every occasion. 

Hand rested on the wall; eyes glued to the scene. Hannah was working against her own OR, she was preparing to close up when it happened. She lost the stats, the baby was at risk, and Alyssa the blood flow was subsiding, I felt the lump that formed in my throat, and I knew the way her own staff spoke to her. No belief at all. I felt the rage, the anger coursing through my body. She was alone; and man it took every fiber in my body not to run down there; not to intervene, because I knew Hannah she was strong and brave, but she also felt the way people saw her. An addict. She probably wanted to run and never turn back. My heart ached for her, but I wanted to respect her boundaries which was me staying far from the OR. So I stayed in the gallery; I held my breath waiting; but by the end of the surgery I felt pride, I let out the exhale of relief i had been holding. She did it; the baby was okay, and Alyssa she was stable, I felt like I might cry over how phenomenal she was. I was proud of her; and that’s why I released my hold of the wall and I turned to leave the gallery. 

Each step I went with ease, as he walked the stairs, until I reached the ground floor. Will had made his way to the scrub room; where he knew he’d find her; as he pushed through the door he paused wanting to admire her handy work, the surgeon she was. 

“ I knew I put my faith in the right person, You did good. I don’t care what any one in that OR says, you showed what you are capable of.” And Will meant each word; as if it was close to his chest.

[natalievoncatte]

“Lena, you’re coming with us.”

She looked up sharply as Alex stormed into her office, followed by a dozen DEO goons and a flustered, apologetic Jess as she flipped rapidly between apologizing to Lena for permitting the intrusion and shouting at Alex to get out, only to be ignored.

“Jess, it’s fine,” Lena said, calmly, though her heart was racing. “I’ll hear what they have to say.”

“Cover the entrances,” Alex told her men.

Even when balaclavas over their faces and goggles, Lena could sense their unease. The one who was unmasked -Lena vaguely remembered she was named Vazquez- gave Alex a plaintive, pained look before stepping out. The doors hissed shut behind them, and Alex was alone with her.

“We don’t have time for you to be argumentative.”

“What horrific crime did I commit this time?

“I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m taking you into protective custody.”

Lena put down her phone.

“What?”

Alex produced a tablet from the bag on her thigh and stormed over, hitting play on a video.

It was Lex. Lena’s stomach dropped.

“Hello, Director Danvers,” said Lex. “I hope this message finds you well, because none of you are going to be well much longer.”

A thought hit Lena like a freight train: If I’m in danger, where’s Kara? Even now Kara would drop everything, risk everything, to keep her from harm.

Lex opened a velvet box and drew out a small device. Lena recognized it and felt her gorge rising. It was another disperser, but something was wrong. The crystal within glowed a deep, scintillating red, like a hot coal drawn from a fire.

“Remember this?” said Lex. “You and the rest of this world are about to learn what happens when you trust an alien.”

“What the fuck?” Lena blurted. “He can’t be alive.”

Alex shook her head.

Lex slammed his fist down, and Alex turned it off.

“Well worry about your brother later. He spread red kryptonite into the atmosphere. We can’t find Kara and she’s not responding to our hails. We have to take anyone she might come after into secure custody where she can’t sense you and we have to go now.”

“But…”

“This shit drives her insane,” Alex snapped, seizing Lena’s shoulders. “The last time she was exposed she threw Cat Grant off a building. She almost killed me. ME, Lena.”

A cold flush ran down her limbs, as if she’d been thrown into the cold sea, and panic surged from deep down inside. The last time Lena had seen Kara it had been through Kryptonite-frosted crystal before she abandoned her in the fortress of solitude.

“Part of me wants to leave you here and let you get what you deserve,” Alex said, coldly, “but we are going to fix her and when we do she’d never forgive me for letting you get hurt. Even now she won’t let go of her feelings for you. She keeps talking about saving you.”

Lena swallowed hard. “Her what?”

“Lena, get up. For once in your life just cooperate and do what you’re fucking told before…”

Boot heels thudded on the balcony and dread could tight in Lena’s gut. It was a futile gesture but she stood anyway as Alex stepped between them.

The door was locked, but Kara didn’t care. She threw the door open, sending the lock mechanism flying across the room and cracking the bomb-proof glass on the process. Alex pulled her alien pistol and aimed it at Kara’s head.

“Don’t make me hurt you, Kara. I won’t let you do something you regret.”

Kara stared at her with bloodshot eyes, the ocean blue irises turned a bruise purple as red flashes danced across the whites, like the setting sun chasing across frosted snow. She moved with a languid, inhuman grace, at once casual and as menacing as a predator stalking prey that had no means of escape.

“Hello, Lena.”

“Kara,” Alex warned. “I know you’re in there. Come back with me.”

Kara ignored her, sweeping her aside with an outstretched arm. Alex went flying, crashing into the doors with a grunt, rolling to the ground unmoving.

“Kara,” Lena said calmly, backing away. “You hurt Alex.”

“I know.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Kara smiled at her, but there was none of her usual joy, her usual mirth, only a cold, vicious baring of teeth. Lena thumped against her bookcase and a model of the HMS victory that Lex gave her after he finished it toppled from the self.

Kara caught it and returned it to its place. She thrust her hands out, bracketing Lena as she leaned in, trapping her. Lena’s heart was pounding.

“You’re scared,” Kara said, “I can taste it in your pheromones. Did you know I can do that? I can sense your skin’s electrical impedance and see the heat bloom in your flesh and hear your heartbeat. If I focus very very hard I can hear brainwaves.”

“I didn’t know that,” Lena said, shocked at the smooth calm in her own voice.

“I knew it was a lie the whole time. I knew it was a lie from the night at the Pullitzer gala, when you really started loathing me.”

“Then why did you-“

“I didn’t want it to be a lie!” Kara snapped, jolting Lena as she pressed into the bookcase. “I wanted it to be real. I wanted finally be free of the pain of hiding myself from you.”

Behind them, Alex groaned as she sat up, staring at them with a thin trickle of blood running from her nose.

“Kara,” Lena said, very softly. “I can see that you’re sick . Let me help you. I can purge the red Kryptonite from your system in my lab.”

“Why would I want to purge it?”

“You hurt Alex. You love Alex.”

“Do I?”

“Yes,” said Lena. “You’re good, Kara. You’re so good. You’re the kindest, most merciful-“

“I’m tired of being kind!” Kara shouted, stinging her ears. “I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of taking bullets for people! Just because they don’t inure me doesn’t mean they don’t hurt!”

“I didn’t know that either,” Lena whispered. “I thought…”

“You thought nothing hurts me,” Kara said, leaning in close, so close her breath tickled Lena’s lips. “But you hurt me. You hurt more than anything. More than your brother, more than Reign, more than the clone. Dying don’t hurt as much as you hurt me.”

Lena spared Alex a glance. She was lying against the doors, holding her belly. She met Lena’s gaze levelly and Lena knew in an instant the danger she was in and the terrible truth.

She was the only one who could stop Kara.

“I know,” said Lena. “I know I did and it felt good when I was doing it.”

“Lena!” Alex gasped, “are you fucking crazy?”

“It felt good,” Lena said, trying to force the trembling out of her voice and failing. “It felt so good to lash out. I wanted to hurt someone. I want to hurt everyone. I wanted everyone to feel what I’m feeling. Especially you. I bet it felt a lot like what you’re feeling now.”

Kara’s eyes were wild with fury, moments from kindling the red-sun fire that would wipe Lena from existence.

“I never stopped believing in you,” said Kara. “I’m the only reason you’re not in a cell beneath a secret desert compound. All this time I’ve defended you and believed in you and protected you.”

“All this time?” Lena snapped back, fury kindling behind the terror, chasing it back as a fire’s light chases the dark.

She was Lena Luthor. She wasn’t going to die afraid.

“You mean all this time when you accused me of conspiring against you? When you suddenly turned cold to me after telling me how you believed in me? When you made my boyfriend spy on me and destroyed my relationship?”

Lena’s hands released the shelves she’d been strangling in twin death grips.

“I… I…”

“How was I supposed to react to learning that you were both people? After what you did? You should punish me, Kara. I’m a murderer.”

Alex gasped, eyes darting from Kara to Lena.

“I killed my brother for you,” Lena said, very softly. “I killed him because I had to. Because you never would. I’m not a hero like you. I’d do it again. I’d do it all again for you. Now I find out he’s still alive. I may have to. I will. I’ll make sure he’s dead this time!”

Kara blinked, her eyes steaming from the heat inside her as tears ran down her cheeks.

“It hurts,” Kara whispered. “It hurts seeing the truth. It hurts to know what I did.”

“I know how much it hurts,” Lean said, bringing her hands to cup Kara’s face lightly. She was shaking, feverish, her skin almost uncomfortably hot. Lena felt a touch of rising panic and forced it down.

“It hurts knowing that I broke up you and James on purpose. It hurts knowing why. It hurts that even now I can’t say it, I’m too scared.”

“I’m supposed to want you and not him,” Lena said.

Kara jerked back slightly, her eyes going wide. It was an admission without words, a confession to a crime she’d already admitted. She pressed her eyes shut and the tears flowed anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” said Lena. “It hurts, doesn’t it? The anger.”

“Yes,” said Kara. “It burns. It’s burning me up. I can feel it in my chest, like it’s turning my ribs to cinders.”

Lena nodded. “I came back for you.”

“What?”

“I came back for you. I went back to the Fortress. I was as going to let you out, accept the consequences of what I’d done, but Alex must have already found you.”

“She did.”

“She always takes care of you, doesn’t she?”

Kara blinked. “Yes.”

“It hurt the most then,” said Lena, “knowing that I’d made my choice and I couldn’t take it back. I planned it all for months. I lost myself in how good it would feel to make you suffer like I’m suffering. Then when I did it there was nothing. No joy. No catharsis. I just felt hollow.”

Lena sighed. “I fucked up. I ruined my life.”

She flinched as Kara’s too-warm hand brushed her cheek, her thumb grazing lightly over her chin.

“I would forgive you any trespass. I would never hurt you,” she said, even as she trembled with rage.

“I know,” said Lena.

“Part of me wants to.”

“I know. Kara, let me help you. Please. You’re sick.”

Kara looked at her and Lena wondered what was going through her head. Did she think it was all a manipulation, a ploy? Would she lose it and snap Lena’s neck, or whip her head with a burst of heat vision and burn them all?

“Okay,” Kara breathed.

Lena reached over and pulled the book on her shelf that opened with direct elevator to her private lab. It was a touch melodramatic, but hell, it was he office.

She gave Alex a glance, waiting for the nod before she stepped inside with Lena.

They rode down in silence. Kara fell back on Lena’s exam table and closed her eyes as Lena placed the device on Kara’s chest. The House of El rune on the machine glowed as it recalibrated itself and began purging the radiation from her system.

Lena knew it was working when Kara began to weep, her face twisting in a grimace of towering grief. When it was done, Lena carefully removed the device and brushed loose strands of hair from Kara’s eyes and gently wrapped her arms around her. Kara buried her face in Lena’s neck and sobbed, shaking the table with the fury of her sorrow.

“I didn’t mean it,” she whimpered.

“I know,” Lena whispered, smoothing a hand over her head. “I know.”

“Is Alex…”

“She’ll be fine, her people have already taken her to the L-Corp infirmary. She’s fine.”

Kara’s voice was almost childlike. “Did I hurt you?”

Lena closed her eyes. “Yeah. You hurt me. It’s okay, darling. It’s going to be okay.”

Kara’s arms looped around her, tentatively. When Lena didn’t push her back, Kara relaxed into the hug.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Shhh, I know. I know. I’m sorry too. I forgive you.”

“You can’t,” Kara whimpered. “You can’t just do that.”

“Yes I can. I’m so rich I can do whatever I want. Here.”

Without letting Kara go, she reached over and took Myriad, placing it in Kara’s hands.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lena whispered, as Kara hugged her tighter.

[sysig]

So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

[kingkatsuki]

Mother Mitsuki, who despite Masaru’s pleas, is way too invested in Bakugou and your relationship.

[hey-hey-j]

actually you know what screw it here's the second half of this except I cut out the parts I don't like so you get to fill the context in yourself uwu

-

Floyd sleeps late into the next morning. Not unusual for the Pop troll, Hickory knows Floyd has never been much of a morning person. But it's the fact that he wakes up tired that has Hickory's nerves spiking again, despite Floyd's assurances that he feels fine, just.... his headache, that's all.

"Want me to get you something?" Hickory offers.

"No, it's fine, I—I got it." Stubborn as always, already shoving back the covers to pull himself to his feet.

So they spend the day quietly. At Hickory's urging they leave the wagon to laze around the small clearing in the grass they've made camp in, the cool air soothing Floyd's aches just a bit as he strums absently at his guitar, hums the melody to the part of this new song he's been stuck on for days. Hickory leans back on his palms and once again closes his eyes to take in the sound of his love's music. Peaceful.

Neither of them says much of anything. They don't have to. Just being with each other is enough.

It's around sundown when Floyd gets up again, a stretch and a yawn and a, "I'm gonna go make some more tea."

Hickory trails him as he moves past him back towards the wagon. "Need any help?"

He doesn't miss the way Floyd lets out a slight huff as he shakes his head no, reaching for the steps. "No, it's fine."

Another thing Hickory doesn't miss: the way Floyd grimaces as he starts to swing himself back up into the wagon, pausing slightly halfway through the motion to let himself catch his breath. Hickory is about to say something, the concerned cry already building in his throat, but before he can voice it Floyd's already disappeared inside again.

Worry nagging at his thoughts again. Hickory sighs, tries to stifle it with another assurance that Floyd is fine, but come on, who is he fooling. Floyd is sick. He just won't admit it because he's Floyd, and Floyd can't ever just let himself be sick.

He gets up.

--

He tenses for only a second when he feels Hickory wrap his arms around him, but just as quickly he lets himself fall into the touch, his own arms wrapped tight around himself as he buries himself in Hickory's chest.

"It's alright," Hickory says back, just as quiet, pulling Floyd in closer so that he's nuzzling Floyd's hair. "You're hurting."

He feels Floyd sigh into him, feels when he shifts so he can bring his own arms around Hickory and hold him tight. "That's not an excuse."

They stay like that for a bit, holding each other, not saying anything more. Hickory sighs into Floyd's hair, nestling deeper in it in a way that's usually so comforting for both of them....

Hickory feels himself frown, eyes blinking open. "Your hair...."

Floyd's voice comes out muffled, not looking up. "What about it?"

Almost without thinking, Hickory dislodges one hand from around Floyd and brings it up to run it through Floyd's hair, pinching at some of the rich pink strands as if trying to catch something specific. "Have you been doing something new with it?"

Floyd's hair feels different, in a way Hickory can't quite explain, and he knows Floyd's hair. Somehow it feels.... almost fuller? Rougher. Nothing looks different on the surface. Floyd reaches a hand up to coil in his bangs, frowning like he's just now noting the change in texture for the first time.

"Nothing in particular...." He trails off, frown deepening as he tries to remember.

And Hickory is about to investigate further, but it's right at that second that they're both pulled out of the moment by a sound from outside.

bleep bloop plunks this here between other stuff because I've decided I'm not finishing it

-

Floyd hasn't been feeling well lately.

Fatigued, a headache that won't seem to leave him alone. It's natural enough for Hickory to assume he's simply weary from weeks on the road and so he announces one afternoon, unceremoniously, that they're going to stop to rest for a few days. Floyd pretends to grumble out something about making good time but Hickory can see the relieved slump of his boyfriend's shoulders as he says it, grateful for the break.

Even so, Floyd still insists on helping set up camp, but before too long he's breathing hard and swaying on his feet where he stands hunched over, fist coming up to swipe at his brow with a frustrated little exhale. 

Hickory takes him up in his free arm and holds him close, surprises him a little with a kiss pressed to his temple. "Go rest."

"But I—"

"It's okay. I've got it." Looking down to meet Floyd's insistent gaze with a small smile. Reassuring.

For a moment it looks like Floyd is going to protest some more, already taking in a breath to say something, but a second later he's letting it out as a resigned sigh, his gaze dropping down. He nods, before reaching up to wrap his arms around Hickory's shoulders and return the kiss.

"Good night." 

Later Hickory climbs up into the wagon and lingers in the entranceway for a while, gazing down at Floyd bundled up in their nest, fast asleep. His soft breathing filling the silence. For a few moments Hickory closes his eyes and just listens to it, the sound easing some of the worry that's been eating away at him the past few days. 

Floyd will be okay.

He crawls in next to Floyd carefully to avoid waking him, gently takes him in his arms and holds him close until the sound of their breathing lulls him to sleep.

[astarlightmonbebe]

episode 5 has left me considering the different - and similar - ways taeyoung and kwonsook think about themselves, and how they respond to pain/violence.

kwonsook calls herself a monster, someone who goes crazy in the boxing ring. that monster, she says, was created by her father, and her father used abuse, violence, and emotional manipulation to create that monster. he didn’t treat her like human, so it’s no surprise that the way she talks about herself when she boxes is as if she’s discussing an animal: she gets cornered, gets scared for her life, and lashes out to kill. she calls herself a monster with resignation; it’s not what she wanted to be, but she knows it’s what she was. she ran away to escape that monstrosity, to live as a human, doing good things, but that part of her never really died.

taeyoung, too, calls himself a monster. he’s a SOB, he does thing no one with an ounce of humanity would do. he seemingly has no qualms about what he does, perhaps because he can always justify it to himself, always has an exit prepared for when things really get bad (until, i’m sure, he doesn’t). like kwonsook, taeyoung accepts the label of monster, accepts his own inhumanity, even if they are inhuman in very different ways. whereas kwonsook wants to break away from that monstrous part of her - she’s only returned so she can free herself from that part of herself permanently (and if she finds a way to box without a monster, then...) - taeyoung embraces it. it’s through being a monster that he’s found success, how he secures futures for his athletes, and how he’s able to ‘solve’ their (and his) issues. monstrosity was not imposed on taeyoung, but (due to what we know so far) is something he chose for himself (although the factors surrounding this part of his past are decidedly murky).

in this episode, taeyoung and kwonsook also demonstrate similar responses to violence and (emotional) pain. when taeyoung upsets kwonsook by working with her father behind her back, he offers her an outlet for her anger by punching him. later on, after ahreum has already slapped kwonsook, instead of lashing out, kwonsook offers to let ahreum hit her again if it will make her feel better. in parallel responses, both ahreum and kwonsook debate taking that opportunity to hurt, but decide not to (kwonsook because she’s taking a chance on taeyoung, or moreso giving him another one, and ahreum because she decides that she doesn’t owe kwonsook that, that kwonsook is beneath her in terms of boxing, no longer on her level). 

kwonsook learned to respond to pain at a young age. in boxing, you can’t flinch from the hit - you have to learn how to take the pain, absorb it, and get back up to hit again. outside of the rink, kwonsook absorbs the pain, but she doesn’t hit again. she’s experienced firsthand what her hits can do to people, and that terrified her. after all, she only boxed so that she could protect her mother. so when confronted with violence and pain, she takes the hit, because pain is what she knows and understands. it’s the emotions behind it that are hard for her. pain is easy for kwonsook, because she’s used to living through it, surviving it; beneath it, she’s always empty. she’s never really cared about boxing; it was what she had to do. the lee kwonsook that was a boxing genius was a monster she ran from, after all. but in order to break away from that monster, she has to come to understand the emotional investment of her fellow female boxers. before, they were just her opponents, never her friends, but now she has to face their own feelings about the sport, the passion they have for boxing that she never felt. like ara said, she didn’t feel happiness about winning, and kwonsook has never lost, so she’s never had to live with that humiliation, either. how her feelings will change in relation to boxing will likely be a reckoning for her.

taeyoung, on the other hand, is confronting his fair share of non-boxing sanctioned boxing. even though kwonsook is the boxer, it’s taeyoung who’s been touched by ‘true’ violence in this present timeline. his life is quite literally on the line, which has been shown again and again. he’s been ambushed by her father, threatened, blackmailed, and beaten up by chairman nam’s guys. he lives on the edge, anxious at every shadow, which is chewing him alive. to him, kwonsook’s anger is much easier to deal with. he knows she might hurt him, but his potential to hurt her is so much more (and if he does, in that case he’d find her anger justified, and probably let her beat him to death or something if what we’ve seen of his feelings for her is an indication of anything), and she might hurt him, but she’d never hurt him as much as other people in his life at the moment would (i.e. by killing him, or hurting the people he cares about). taeyoung is used to weathering the storm of other people’s dislike; he’s the scumbag, and he does bad things, deserves other people’s anger when it’s directed at him. 

both taeyoung and kwonsook want to resolve things through violence. i think it’s telling that despite being two emotionally aware people, they both consider other people’s feelings to be so easily taken care of. they want the quick, instant pain, and then they want to get it over with. because the violence is what they’re used to, and to a degree it’s what they both think they deserve. however, what lies beneath that, what doesn’t go away with a single hit, is much harder for them to confront and understand. 

[blessedbrick]

“Am I cute?”

“The cutest in the world”

[dimensionhoppr]

they were so so right when they said bkdk is a gay ship for gay people

[oveliagirlhaditright]

The times Buffy saw Angel's vamp face for the first time in Buffy (because she didn't have her memories in "Halloween," of course).

Bonus: The first Boom AU: