#they are all my favs what does this say about me
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hi!!! your works are so damn interesting and well written, you are great in this regard!! can i ask, if you don't mind, sae, rin, reo, ness and kaiser with a calm gentleman s/o (headcanons but a scenario is good too)??? because they DESERVE the sweetest person in their life. just an s/o who takes care of them, does all sorts of gallant things like opening doors, pulling out chairs, like "flowers on dates are THE must" and so on??? i hope everything is fine with you, stay like that!!! 🩷
Hiii! Thanks! Especially for saying that my works are well-written, I'm trying to improve my English writing skills and this cheers me up a lot! ♡ - I love this idea btw, gentleman reader is one of my fav tropes :))
Love like you -> bllk hcs
bllk boys x s/o gn!reader
synopsis: how some bllk boys react to you being a gentleman to them and treating them well
tags: blue lock headcanons, fluff, comfort, gentle reader, calm reader, slice of life, kinda established relationship
warnings: manga spoilers, mature language
characters: sae, rin, reo, ness and kaiser + bonus: kurona
a/n: i love doing requests hehe (they're open btw)
masterlist.
Sae Itoshi ~ ♡
Sae would try not to show how much he loves when you take care of him and treat him like he's your prince (beacause he really is). But damn! He adores it! His favorite thing is when you bring him breakfast in bed.
He's used to being treated very cordially, always having people open doors and do everything for him, which he doesn't care much about. But, when you do it (because you love him and not because he's famous), he has conflicting feelings.
At the same time that he loves to feel personally cared for by you, he tries not to show it and keeps up the pose of "you're doing this because I'm a celebrity, not because you love me," but - deep down - his heart is warmed.
Rin Itoshi ~ ♡
Rin thinks you're so perfect, but It would take a long time for him to respond to your affection, but eventually he begins to appreciate your gentle actions and, when he has the courage, approaches you to be by your side.
He gets a little shy when you open doors or pull out chairs for him, but try not to show you. He's too afraid to get close to you and feel safe around you, just so that in the end you abandon him.
The greatest act of chivalry with Rin is to show him your love without wanting anything in return and giving him space in moments of vulnerability. The only vulnerable situation he lets you get close to him is when he's sick, where he lets you hold him.
Reo Mikage ~ ♡
People tend to treat Reo very well when they discover how many things can he buy before even looking the price. So when you showed him gentleness and care, he quickly asked - "how the hell did you know?" - but to his surprised, you didn't know about anything.
He tried to buy you things, thanking your time and consideration for his well being. But then you continued, and worse... You rejected his attemps to pay for your things.
That was a huge surprise, and after this, Reo started to get more and more nervous when you bought flowers for him. You were not serving him, you were not there for a reward, you were not interested in status. Rather, you were loving him for what and who he was.
Michael Kaiser ~ ♡
It's difficult for a prodigy to love anyone, as everybody is, technically, bellow him. Kaiser treats you well, better than he treats everyone else. But you don't let his false ego brush off your determination. Perhaps, one would need more than gentleness to get into his heart, but you know that's too much work for what he really needs. Actually, you were already inside. You just needed to make him understand how much you loved him.
So, you bring him flowers and gifts; you watch, careful, when both of you cross the street; you even brush his hair when he doesn't feel like it. But, unlike all the others, you aren't interested in the champion. You don't bow and let the title he grasps so hardly dominate you.
And he observes in horror the blue color of the roses on the table. And he turns his blushed cheeks away when a car passes by and you put your hands on his chest. And he inches with the warm of your hands on his hair. And he lets you love him, but refuses to step out of his cave.
You know he will, eventually.
Alexis Ness ~ ♡
Ness was confused, surprised and even a bit annoyed with the first time you pulled a chair for him. He was careful not to fall on a prank but when he sit, you simply smiled. He was used to serve you, never him, it was always about you. And suddenly, someone got a glass of water for him. For him. He didn't ask. He didn't even hint on anything. You simply said how hot it was. He must have been thirsty.
Now he gets irritated everytime you make something for him. You were paying attention to his needs, to his attempts on hiding everything so he can make you happy. But sometimes, you catch a glimpse of him staring at you, smiling. (he lovess it, but don't tell him that)
+ bonus
Kurona ~ ♡
He always blush when you open doors or pull out chairs for him, and whenever you do it, he places a shy kiss on your cheek or forehead.
#bllk#blue lock#bllk x reader#bllk x you#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#blue lock x gender neutral reader#blue lock x gn reader#bllk x gender neutral reader#bllk x gn reader#bllk kaiser#bllk rin#bllk reactions#bllk ness#bllk reo#bllk sae#rin blue lock#sae blue lock#blue lock kurona#reo blue lock#ness blue lock#kaiser blue lock#michael kaiser#rin itoshi blue lock#itoshi sae#alexis ness#reo mikage#sae x reader#kaiser x reader#rin itoshi x reader
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Losing my mind over the new shades update??? Legit one of my fav fics for a long time now (I’m a sucker for angst)
Feemor throwing himself and Alpha-17 off a cliff (ahem, giving Alpha damsel in distress practice) is so dramatic I love it
And Feemor making such sad and somewhat ominous comments (oh actually you’ve seen my face before.. if only you could remember.. anyway byeeeee *falls backwards off cliff*)
Also ALSO… “but. Now the main plot can really start moving. :)” Kat. Kattt what does that mean I’m so afraid (utterly delighted)
And I’m just thinking abt Fox maybe possibly eventually discovering Feemor’s identify as the mystery Sith, would he think Feemors been tortured into it?? Augh so many possibilities for angst
And all the while Feemor thinking Fox hates him… (T^T)
:)
“He’ll follow,” Feemor says, and that at least he’s sure of. “Obi-Wan is as stubborn as Qui-Gon was. Even if he has trouble remembering me, he’s not going to give up on finding you.” He glances up as pain spikes, then pulls a sealed pack of painkillers from the pocket of his robes and tosses it across the fire to land beside Alpha-17’s hand. “Take some. I didn’t doctor them.”
There's a long, long second, and Feemor can feel the bone-deep and burning ache, but Alpha-17 isn't moving. A little exasperated, he aims a look at Alpha-17, and says, “If I wanted to hurt you, there would be easier ways to do it than sabotaging painkillers and resealing the packaging.”
Alpha-17 makes a rude sound, but after a moment he reaches for the tablets, deliberately checks the seals on the plastic packs, and finally tears them open. After another hesitation, he drags his helmet off, grimacing at the cold air, and swallows the tabs dry.
“You talk a lot about a dead Jedi,” Alpha-17 says harshly, and from the narrowing of his eyes, he catches the sudden stillness Feemor can't stop, the hitch of his breath he tries to hide. “Oh? Were you fucking him on the regular or something? Should have been Kenobi's step-parent, and now you're taking it out on the whole universe that you couldn’t be?”
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I can see the argument there and I appreciate the perspective, but to me that's just it. Byleth has gotten the blessing of retrospective.
By association with 3H, Byleth gets any valid complaints softened or outright shut out. 3H was a critical and commercial success and lacked prominent controversy beyond the factionism discourse, so many of Byleth's issues are handled with kid gloves compared to other characters.
Byleth having the problems that Corrin got flamed for are ignored because the rest of the 3H cast overshadows that, despite him still being the main character. His mere presence still heavily dictates the course of an entire continent, despite being a mercenary-turned-professor all through happenstance and "the flow of time", having no agency yet still holding all the power in the world.
Even with Byleth's trailer and reveal for Smash being the most critically panned one in that series' history, people will still say "oh but he's better than Corrin though" and prefer to keep Byleth in spite of lack of defining traits beyond the 'distance demon' moniker for his disjointed hitbox + slow frame data combo which was pretty quickly eclipsed by Sephiroth a year later. And the only reason given is "oh because 3H was a success and the best selling FE game" which, idk, maybe I'm being a petty cunt about it, but if that were the primary metric of who deserves to stay or get in Smash, then most of the Smash roster would look completetly different (Ike wouldn't have been in the game period, at least not in Smash 4).
For my last part, I'll acquiesce and say that yes Byleth does have semblance of a personality, but the delivery of it is so remarkably undercooked to me. I think most can agree that, despite never being confirmed directly, the devs were trying to emulate Persona protags with Byleth and some of the game's structure. But what makes the Persona protags so memorable is that despite being silent, they are very personable, charming, stylish, and cool within both gameplay and story. They have unique looks, animations, whole entire non-combat statlines dedicated to rizzing up other characters, and that feeds back into the gameplay loop of using a fuckton of cool Personas.
Byleth uses the same animations as the rest of 3H's cast and has extremely barebones (and at times, barely different) dialogue choices. They have a style, but F!Byleth's is kind of a mess, and M!Byleth's still doesn't detract from the blank face and lack of emoting. And while Byleth's competent, they aren't doing anything show stopping that other main characters haven't done in the past, and their in story power up, while impressive given that they cut a hole in the sky, only amounts to a hair and eye change and new threads, something that was done in Awakening, and arguably as early as Gaiden.
When I compare that to Corrin, I can admit that a lot of it is bias because Fates is one of my fav FE games while 3H is the only one I dislike, but even then, I just look at introductory defining scenes. Corrin's early big moment is risking his life to protect hostages of an enemy nation, even fighting back against his brother who has been ordered to kill him. Byleth's big defining moment is almost getting his shit kicked in by a bandit before turning back time thanks to Sothis, and then the game informing the player he makes a good teacher over time until the war starts.
Ultimately, they are different characters, and Byleth's role is very advisory which is fitting for a teacher, but he's still the main character in the game, yet things happen around him rather than as a result of him despite the game treating it as the opposite.
Sorry for the mismatched rant, it's just something I can't put into clear words.
It's 5am where I am so I'm no doubt gonna regret posting meaningless whining about my favs compared to other characters when I wake up but rn who tf cares
I'm still incensed under the surface about how Byleth gets a better reception than Corrin, and how Corrin specifically is represented in a grand scheme of the FE franchise, mostly with Heroes.
"Corrin gets positions and authority when he doesn't deserve it!" then silence for Byleth when he gets a teaching position, and later either the archbishop spot or outright becomes king of an entire continent.
"Corrin's dragon powers aren't used in the plot enough!" Byleth's powers are only ever plot device fodder, are mechanically indistinct from other FE protag powers before and after him, and have terrible ludonarrative applications.
"Too many people worship Corrin!" About 70% of the cast's morality when defecting from their home (and sometimes partaking in harming it) is dictated by Byleth having enough tea parties with them, after being enrolled in a job he wasn't qualified for
"Corrin's character and personality is bad" Byleth doesn't even have one, he's just a dialogoue choice generator
"Corrin is the worst FE rep in Smash, had the worst trailer, and is representative of FE having imbalanced representation" FE has a clone/Echo fighter problem and consolidating Roy, Lucina and Chrom into Marth as alt skins a la Bowser Jr. would auto fix that controversy given the Smash community's "if I don't see it, it doesn't exist" approach to character slots; there is no universe where a trailer showcasing one of the worst villains in 3H-and the FE series as a whole-is better than even the cringiest lines in Corrin's trailer; there is more unique properties and applications just in Corrin's side special than there is in Byleth's entire kit, which was really a mish-mash of different Smash archetypes, inlcuding ones other FE characters covered. Not to mention the fucking PNG Sothis Final Smash with the embarassing lip flaps, jesus.
Every problem that Corrin is accused of having, Byleth does it worse. Every problem that Byleth gets jabbed with, eventually gets redirected back to Corrin for "starting it."
And it's seen as justified, because why? Well, 3H is a "better" game of course! After all, it's the best selling one! If it sold that much and was so well received that means it must have done everything exponentially better than Fates did! (ignore the fact that Fates was the best selling game in the series before 3H please). Why wouldn't Byleth simply be objectively, immutably better than Corrin in every metric going by this logic?
And, like always, CYL is gonna reaffirm this again for everyone. Cuz why wouldn't Byleth get so many votes last year despite him getting a great Christmas alt just the month before? He deserves it after the female version already won after all! And why wouldn't he win this year when he's guaranteed an Emblem alt in the future, and most likely to be on one of Valentine's, Children, or Wedding banners?
It made sense for the Robins to win one after the other cuz they're cool and awesome and not weak and annoying, so it makes sense for Byleth too!
Why would Corrin get this "it's his turn treatment" when he's not a good character and the female version only won because everyone knows she's just dumb fetish bait 🤪🤪🤪/s
It's just... so infuriatingly transparent. Even Male Alear isn't hit with this quite as hard tbh, because at worst he had half the votes Female Alear did, whereas M!Corrin at best had barely over a third of F!Corrin. And that only fuels my perspective on how M!Corrin, for all his alts, always feels like his presence is treated compulsory and obligated, and F!Corrin is always sold with "she's hot, who cares" in mind.
FE fans made it clear that Corrin's character was hated, so the solution became to sell the Fem one for horny whales, and have the Male one just slightly behind in numbers to keep up the illusion of fairness (while always making him inferior in gameplay).
All that just for Byleth, a non-character, to get every excuse and love from a fandom that hated Corrin for the same issues he has. Crazy.
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#alan wake#alan wake 2#ilkka villi#awedit#alanwakeedit#mk.op#mk.edit#mk.gifs#that line from dbd lives rent free in my head#just like the 'what color are her eyes' line#also what does it say about me that all my favs#seem to have a theme of entrapment/isolation
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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miss pauling WOULD NOT SMELL FINE.
#me disagreeing at everything about miss pauling that people paints her as something good sweet or cool#WHEN SHES NOT COOL OR AWESOME OR SMELLS GOOD AT ALL SHAKES YOU AROUND LIKE A BOTTLE#she smells LIKE HUMAN SWEAT and old clothes from a humid closet she barely cleans. like a grandma.#well grandmas do smell nice. BUT THATS NOT THE FACT#ok well she does smell fine and bearable maybe he hair smells like bed sheets no changed at all#because she wakes up so early she doesn’t have time to clean her room or make her bed#she just instantly runs not even eating breakfast and dying of hunger until either scout or soldier gives her a cookie#or a half eaten pork beans in soldiers courtesy#and gets home late EXHAUSTED and throws herself in the bed to later wake up in 5 minutes#me wanting to expose her every single damn time i am evil like that to my ult#oh yeah her hair doesn’t smell that good at all. full of lice. and greasy. girl wash YOUR HAIR that’s what demo always says to her#prob demo often times calls her out or secretly spy will come and said damn my mask doesn’t even smell that bad than that hair of yours#but is either of those two. wait what i was talking about#her teeth are so yellow because she forgets to clean them#crusty eyes too. can’t put makeup stupidass just only puts her fav purple lipstick to hide her crusty lips#takes a deep breath… fuck. woman failure
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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And when I say I was disappointed Benji opened that door instead of Rahim start season 3 then what
#guys…………. guys…….#I’ve binged love victor in like. 2 days. never watched nor spiked it before and I have thoughts#one of them being that uhhhh idk if unpopular opinion but not the biggest benji fan overall fellas#he is alright. not bad but like….. dare I say Rahim and Victor had more chemistry?#benji became a lil annoying season 2 idk if it’s because I see myself in a lot of what Victor does but like askdjsk#I like them but😭😭😭 Rahim is so pookie 😭😭😭😭😭#love Victor#pls tell me I’m not the only one like Benji opened the door and I had to pause it like naurrr 🥲😔 but I support victors wrongs and rights so#Rahim#Victor#benji#should I put a spoiler warning jic? I feel like everyone’s watched it already lol but I’ll put it just in case#love victor spoilers#on another note LOVEEEE Felix and Pilar my pookies right there!!!!!#love Mia my queen my world!!!! wish they cared more about her plot line and developing Andrew into. well. anything#I feel like most of the times he is just there I need more personality#ngl besties wasn’t a huge Lake fan I really disliked her and Felix together so glad we ain’t doing that but I see her getting a girlfriend#plot line??? 👀👀👀all for it!!!! I want her to have some more character development too she deserves it#my fav character is Felix tho he is so me lol I also spew random facts when I’m nervous so true awkward king#also what happened to victors brother I feel like he was there for two eps and dipped#also ngl fellas I don’t really give a shit about victors parents relationship rip I call divorce babes ! but#i think they’ll get back together
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maybe i am too disabled for this
#it's been A Week#monday i was riding the high of my advisor saying that there are support options for me on my year abroad#and since then i've been hit w big speaking problems and i sound stupider than normal in french*#*this is purely self critical - i don't think anyone else w speaking problems sounds stupid it's just cus it's me yknow#it's what i say not how i say it i'm not any less good at french blablablablabla etcetc#but like in a degree and year abroad programme which is ultimately assessed through level of spoken language i feel so behind#today at language cafe i was chatting w this one guy in the year below me which was nice but then all of a sudden 3 near-natives/natives#joined the table and the 4 of them were yapping away and i was following near perfectly but i felt unable to jump in cus it would be#disruptive and a couple times when people turned to me and asked basic qs and i took 2+ mins to answer and then they'd turn back to each#other and keep yapping about their fav cuisines and french cheeses#idk man i'm so tired of being seen as Less and every time smth like this happens i feel like it's more and more true#is it really such a surprise that someone w a severe speech impediment does a languages degree for the love of it despite the Horrors#i'm stressed w assignments atm i'll get over it but atm: :( maybe i should talk to my disability advisor about this just for a vent#ellis exclaims
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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been thinking about how the thing that killed the singularity had ties to the otherworld
#stardust speaking !#gbf spoilers#laser'd to nothing is such a. O_O moment that still makes me dizzy like what the hell...#well. and pommern&his hydra ig<33333#what if uve been thro multiple worldthreathening danger level threats but its hydras that makes u freeze#not to say grans not scared of other stuff. ty chichiri fate eps but man#anyway. blue djgr fes art. dizzy. DIZZY.#greatest potential......#the worlds worst omen......oouugghhhhhhhhhh fenrir.................#the dead timeline is so fucked up like. shitori and violet knight....................#but our shitori is still at edgelands right. tummy hurting oh this sucks...........shitori.......my beloved little shitori...............#whos been trying so hard all alone for way too many years....the faked ids.....................#ebisu.......T_^#shitoris entire thing is so tragic she makes me so SAD i love her & mika sm.........#when ur fav characters r locked behind 113 chs of msq#btw ive had more thoughts. that i also feel like ive talked about before#but how usually gran wont talk about their feelings / hide them / divert the attention (when its about THEIR issues and THEIR past#but they dont have the energy nor will to do that in current msq. the very rare grans unusually open experience#whicj DOES exist to some extent at select few moments too but...............gah#GAAAAHHHH#november theyll update msq. surely.
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u know beigguang is kinda like… what you’d get if u fused neuvillette and zhongli together + fused wriothesley and childe together. and made em lesbians ofc 😌
#u know i have noticed a pattern#w my fav ships#refined individual. closed off. perhaps a bit uptight + feral gremlin#hsr is not exempt from this either#dan heng and blade. sunday and gallagher. a case could be made for aventurine and ratio#bonus points if the refined individual is secretly feral. a closested freak#oh god even alien stage w ivan and till#chat what does this say about me#crazy how they each follow that base dynamic but none of them feel like copies of each other#ahhh i love fiction i love writing i love characterization i love tropes i love. this one specific dynamic apparently#i have physically held myself back from beigguang simply bc i only have so much braincells to spare. and they. will take over all of them#anyway . thank u for coming to my ted talk
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Sorry still thinking about that rare night wyll conversation. There's something about meeting wyll as you hold him at knifepoint and only half a day later hearing him go "i know there's more to you than meets the eye. And finding that goodness is going to take a lot of digging- the tools I'm using may even break before I'm finished" and it's said with the implication that he's still going to pick himself up and keep trying in an effort to get to know you, TRULY know you. And imagine being lae'zel, meeting non-githyanki who want you dead and having your own leaders say you should be culled. You have been infected by a sworn enemy and fear you may become another nameless footnote in history books. But then wyll meets you and within the day he REALLY sees you, a fierce warrior and someone who will survive to the bitter end. And although lae'zel's self-confidence remains strong in spite of shadowheart's disrespect (not to mention all the npcs who hate her for racist reasons), it still must mean a lot to have someone see you and say "don't worry, i see your strength, and I hope others do as well". Do you see the vision?
#i need to know what he says to all the companions ough but at least my two other favs have been documented <333#anyway. um. being normal about three lines of dialogue challenge FAILED#wyll does this to me i cannot help it
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tw long rant and swearing!
hey!! if you don't like something i wrote! shut the fuck up and move on!! thanks bye!! no hate is tolerated on this blog :)))
i don't care if you don't like the way i characterized someone in my story!! shut up and get a better hobby than hating on something someone has spent hours creating and pouring love into and accusing them of hating one of their favorite characters because you think that the fic they wrote FOR FUN and NOT FOR YOU is bad characterization/makes the character flawed in a way that you don't like because you have a poor understanding of what makes fanfiction fanfiction (and also humans human tbh lol). sure, they're maybe more flawed than in the actual show, but THATS THE FUCKING POINT OF FANFICTION!!! IS THAT ITS NOT A REAL PART OF THE SHOW!!! AND ITS WRITTEN!!! FOR FUNNNNN!!!!! AND NOT FUCKING FOR YOU AND YOUR FUCK ASS OPINIONS SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!! and if you think it sucks, i don't care!! you are entitled to your opinion!!!! hate it so so so much but get the fuck over yourself if you think that telling me it's horrible and unrealistic and somehow creating a bad wrap FOR MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW is somehow a meaningful usage of your time or gonna get me to delete the fic or stop liking it or stop promoting my own hard work !!!! i'm proud of the things i write and nothing will ever change that. i hope you know what a shitty shitty shitty (and embarrassing) thing it is to do to leave a whole paragraph of hate under someone's hard work just because they interpret a fictional fucking character in a way that you don't like. genuinely genuinely get the fuck over yourself and find a better way to spend your time than caring more about fictional characters than real life people.
#and yeah! honestly i'm upset right now#i do care because its my fic my baby my hard work#and its really hurtful to have someone tell me its stupid unrealistic and somehow a harmful representation of one of my fav characters ever#but also i don't care if people don't like what i write or how i interpret/represent a character!!!#having different opinions and stances on things is so valid and okay#but for you to spell it all out in such a judgmental condescending and hateful way in a reblog of my fic is such a hurtful thing to do#and its very upsetting to see#but it does show very clearly to me that you have no understanding of how to act appropriately or what it takes to write#or how to act maturely and kindly when you come across something of genuinely so little consequence that you don't agree with#that's one of the craziest things about that#is that fanfiction is like meaningless LMAO#and for you to read a fucking fanfiction that you don't like????#and then take the time to explain to the well meaning and hard working author who is just writing for fun and to find friends#why you hate it so much is actually ridiculous#and i am so willing to bet you have zero friends on this website!!#thats kinda mean! but there's so many hateful opinions on your blog that clearly showcase how limited your critical thinking skills are <33#also i'm speaking into the void the person who did this got blocked the second i read what they said LOL#but yeah! i'm not cool with people saying such hateful stuff to me so don't try it again <33#next time i might not be so kind as to keep someone anonymous if this happens again#but at least i'm choosing to be 1000 times more mature than you by not engaging directly and without exposing your sorry ass#. >> mari says shit !
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