#these words mean a lot for me they really do i just legit don't know how to react;

[katyspersonal]

...

Guys, I did not... expect this. When I saw so many nice messages, I think my heart jumped. I feel slightly out of touch from reality (in a positive way though) because this is... a lot of support I hadn’t realised, and it is hard to find words, I just... *jumps into a well where shark giants are*

sdfjhfdhds okay okay for real though, thank you very much; I do not deserve all this, especially because in that post I did forget to address the fact that it was not only insult to me but to my fans too (my bad, I felt a bit emotional). But I am thankful for each of these. ;-; It feels like that one moment in an anime where the character feels weak and struggles, and then the characters he’s helped along the way all come to encourage him to keep going - except instead of help it was just lore posts that some people found fun and/or useful dhfshds xD

I am very happy to have all this, thank you very much. It is just hard to verbalise how it felt to open my ask box and find THIS.

[zoologica42]

Temperate Lake Dashboard Simulator

🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow Going to try and eat this weird fish

♻️🐦‍⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow wilmdlife hopital

🐸rana-bufo Follow No one can ever truly understand what BULL4rog's music means to me 😭 this song in particular argrgrgrgrgrg the way he puffs out his vocal sack asdfghjk

BULL4rog: listen here on spotify ♻️🐸rana-bufo Follow I think I huave chytrid

🐟ilikeeatingminnowsFollow I just migrated here from finstagram please be nice

🐠powerbottomfeeder Follow

I have HAD IT with this lake, it’s the third day in a row we’ve had nitrates above 8 ppm and uug the algae, my allergies I can’t do this

♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow

Lol we regularly get nitrates up to 20 ppm in my lake ♻️🦞crawdaddy Follow uhhh you shouldn't be bragging about that, it's really unsafe ♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow suck it you little oligotrophic bitch

🐢snappturt Follow Dear Tumblr, am I the Basshole for the way I catch minnows? I was chatting with some of the guys I bask with and they said the way I catch minnows is problematic; What I do is I sit on the bottom of the lake, I hide myself in the mud and I open my mouth. My tongue looks a lot like a little worm so I wiggle it around- and because of that, minnows swim over and check it out. Once they get close enough, then I bite down and eat them. Some of my rockmates have told me that this is manipulative and toxic behavior- but they also eat minnows...I don't know guys...

🦆tree hole-nester-acorn-eater Follow

is it just me, or is this super homoerotic???

🐟bigpikexxl Follow liveblogging diving down to the bottom

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow dark

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow big log

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow rock

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow kinda cold

♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow oh hi @deepwatersculpin!!!

♻️🐠deepwatersculpin Follow oh hey @bigpikexxl!!!

never thought i'd seen one of my mutuals irl!!! I didn't even know we lived in the same lake!!!

🐠Shadlad Follow I'm not sorry, and I'm not afraid to say it, if you're an introduced species, go dry yourself out. You're not welcome to eat up all of our resources and live in my ancestral longs and rock crags. These things are for us to relate to and not for you to squander.

♻️🦞crevice-steve Follow

Can't believe this type of fishcourse is still popular on this site, introduced species didn't choose to be introduced and have as much of a right to live as anyone else. Bigotry against introduced species is still bigotry and that's a hill I will dry on. ♻️🐠Shadlad Follow Go ahead, dry yourself out then ;) ♻️🪷nootnootnewt Follow Hey man, I hate invasive species as much as anyone else but please stop telling people to beach themselves for political reasons- yeah that includes inavsives too ♻️🦐typical_scud Follow Did you legit just use the word Invas*ve to describe introduced species? ♻️🦢flatfootswimmer Follow anyone in this thread eat pondweed?

♻️🐟largemouthbASS Follow A colab with my mutual @2xcrested_cormorant after they got released from the wildlife hospital. They haven't been on much since the Fish and Wildlife Service released them in the wrong lake and it took them a while to get back to their colony. We hope this guide will help you avoid accidentally eating/engaging with bait!

[omgthatdress]

Sooooo ummmmmmm this is something that's probably going to piss a lot of people off, but I feel like I really need to say it.

If you get a message from an account claiming to be a Palestinian fundraiser, it is a bot. It is a scam. You need to report & delete the message and encourage others to do the same.

I know because I get messages on this account DAILY. I have a very high follower count and I'm pretty active and I interact with my followers a lot, and apparently that all adds up to one big bot magnet.

Bots following and messaging this account was a MASSIVE problem before Tumblr fixed its new account policies. I used to spend literally hours blocking and reporting the hundreds of bots that I would get following me each day.

I learned a lot about bots and how to identify them. The easiest way is with no avatar, "untitled" in the blog description (BTW if your avatar is still set to default PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD change it because you run a substantial risk of being accidentally blocked & reported as a bot).

One of the dead give aways of a bot was what I call "word salad" names. Three seemingly random words strung together making no sense, always adjective, adjective or noun, noun. If you reported a lot of these bots, you'd notice the same words kept showing up.

Nowadays, I am bombarded with fundraiser requests and sometimes, they don't even bother to hide the fact that they're a bot. The avatar is default, the blog title is "untitled," and the blog name is a classic randomly-generated word salad.

However MOST of the requests I get come from at least semi-legit looking accounts. There are pictures, a name, a story. Never mind that I've gotten that message three times from different accounts.

Sometimes, they claim to be vetted, but the whole vetting system essentially adds up to "trust me bro." There is no way of guaranteeing that this account isn't just lying about being vetted, claiming to be vetted by a false person, or are using the identity of a real Palestinian to scam people.

Previously, I've seen a lot of people getting attacked for raising questions about these fundraisers and getting attacked for being racist or for harming Palestinian families in danger, like Tumblr isn't a website famous for its scams and the words "The Arkh Project" "All or Nothing" or "Miss Officer and Mr. Truffles" mean nothing to you.

I personally have been scammed by people claiming to be charities on Tumblr before, specifically, The Leelah Project which used the name of a trans teenager who died by suicide to swindle people out of their money.

Luckily, there are actual, respected charities out there you can give money to if you want to help the cause:

Palestinian Children's Relief Fund

Palestine Red Crescent Society

United Nations Relief Works Agency

Islamic Relief

World Central Kitchen

Médecins Sans Frontièrs

One of the hardest things to accept about the situation in Palestine is that realistically, there is very little that your average outsider can do to change it. However, these large, well-respected and trustworthy charities are out there doing the hard work to keep people alive, and should be where the donation money is going

These scam bots feed on people's naïvety and need to believe that they are making a difference, and even worse, feed on the fear that by ignoring them, it somehow makes you a racist doing direct harm to a refugee family, when in fact they are using the suffering of Palestinians to take away money from those in need.

As far as fundraisers that don't send out random asks for donations, I honestly don't know. You'll have to do the work yourself and approach with much caution.

Be careful out there.

[adorkastock]

So I don't know who to ask about this, and since it's your profession, I figured you'd know most! I like to use Magic Poser to help me draw my characters' poses, but I feel like I always wind up altering the proportions to fit the models rather than my style without meaning to just because I'm drawing what I'm looking at. It feels less like looking at a reference and more copying a picture, and it makes me feel really bad, like I'm cheating at art. Do you have any thoughts or word of advice on this? I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

Hey Nonnie! Hmmm there's I feel like kind of two questions here. One, using Magic Poser or any other legit reference to make your art is not cheating. It's just using a tool the way it's meant to be used (as a reference). There's nothing at all wrong with that. ♥ However, if you are getting Not The Results You Want from this process that's another issue entirely. So, two: what do I do if the art I'm making from reference doesn't look like *my* art? If you find that working from a reference is changing your style in ways you don't like, I have suggestions: 1) do a sketch from the reference just like you normally would in whatever style comes out naturally using the reference 2) look at the drawing you did and put the reference away 3) draw another drawing from the drawing you did but try to make adjustments towards the stylization you prefer (your first drawing is your reference for your second) OR, if your brain will do this for you: 3b) after sketching from the reference (maybe a few times for good measure) put the reference away completely and try to draw the pose from memory* and see what happens. If you think you're overly reliant on references to the point you think it's holding you back then you can start to wean yourself off of them but doing more and more drawing without them. Maybe start with a 20min warm-up on my Sketch App drawing a bunch of poses really fast from reference, then pull up a new pose, look at it, and try to draw it without checking back in at all. Honestly the best way to get to a style you like is to just draw A LOT. Draw lots of different ways. Mess around with line weight and shapes. Make things swish, make them pointy, make lines that cross over a lot, make a mess, make it neat, keep going. Do a lot of drawing and investigate what feels and looks right to you. And if a tool isn't serving your goals, you can let it go. It might be hard at first but you will find your way. ♥ * Side note: I have aphantasia which means I don't have head pictures. If I look at a reference and walk into the other room, I am not going to be able to replicated it very well from memory. That being said, if I sketch a pose over and over and over a bunch I will retain it somehow, somewhere (I don't know how brains work). The next time I go to draw that pose it will be easier. Just popping this in here in case you have the same trouble.

[redvelvetcupcakes21]

Small Halloween fic based on this post

Buck knew Tommy's biggest secret, that despite their friends thinking Tommy was the "cool guy", Tommy was indeed the biggest dork Buck had ever met.

Buck wasn't complaining though because it made Tommy cooler in his eyes.

So it didn't surprise Buck one bit that Tommy absolutely loved Halloween to the point where Buck had discovered that Tommy's house was the house to go to for trick or treating since Tommy always had a jump scare pranks for the older kids and full sized candy bars for everyone who came knocking.

And of course Tommy was a huge advocate of wearing costumes, he had shown Buck the costume he had worn during past Halloween parties from Captain America, Hulk, Super Mario, to a werewolf complete with a furry mask. Tommy was definitely into Halloween.

Which was why he was super excited to show Buck the costume he had picked out for Chimney and Maddie's Halloween party. The party was set to be adults only (The Lees had opted to take care of Jee, Denny and Mara for the evening) and fortunately it was when the 118 crew had a night off.

Tommy had been quiet about his options so all Buck knew was that Tommy was still deciding.

The costume options where the last thing Buck was thinking off when he returned to Tommy's home after a brisk run around the neighborhood, Buck had just mid swallowed a gulp of water when Tommy stepped into the kitchen with arms spread wide and asking Buck, "So what do you think?"

Buck choked on his water, spitting it everywhere as Tommy came up to clap him on the back. "Are you okay?" Tommy asked worriedly.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Buck asked, getting the air back into his lungs, his tone held no malice or anger. Buck was sure he was red all over and it wasn't because he was struggling to clear his throat.

But because Tommy was wearing a Spartan costume. The costume left little to nothing to the imagination. Buck's eyes were glued to Tommy's chest, were a harness was wrapped around his boyfriend's shoulders and chest, attached to a long red flowing cape and complete with pleather looking cuff wristbands. The happy trail on Tommy's stomach led to brown leather "shorts" that were essentially underwear and made Buck feel overheated and lightheaded all at once.

"You don't like it?" Tommy asked, looking genuinely wounded. He ran his fingers down the cape. "I thought it looked cool." He picked up the plastic sledge hammer that was tied to his "shorts", "Even came with this cool hammer." He smiled, the crinkles around his eyes, along with Tommy's curly hair and stubble had Buck losing blood flow to his head.

"You don't think it's...I don't know? Revealing?" He gulped, touching his boyfriends pecs and running his fingers down Tommy's chest hair. He stumbled over his words as he saw Tommy looking at him in a affronted manner. "I-I just mean uh that it might be a lot for a Halloween party?"

Tommy shook his head good naturally in disagreement, "We're going to an adults only Halloween party, trust me I'm sure this is probably the least revealing outfit we'll see there tonight. Especially if dispatch is invited, they really like to break loose after hours." Tommy waggled his eyebrows playfully.

"It's just that..." Buck's fingers skimmed the top of the shorts, "You look like you're legit wearing underwear, really hot underwear." the fuzzy part of his brain wondered if Tommy had on a cup, he had to be based on how tight the damn shorts were. Buck felt himself lick his lips as pulled on the shorts, earning a slap on his hand from Tommy.

"Hey!" Tommy pushed him back playfully, "Hands off the merchandise."

Buck didn't let the push deter him from grabbing Tommy by the hips and pulling him closer, "My merchandise." he growled, huffing out a groan as he started kissing Tommy's neck, biting hard at the skin under Tommy's ear.

"This is really doing it for you?" Tommy asked shivering as Buck's hands started to pull at the laces on his shorts. "Baby, it's a essentially a knock off of on a Thor costume."

Buck didn't bother even looking up as he started to kiss down Tommy's neck to his chest, "You just came in here wearing underwear and a harness, its going to do something to me, Tommy." he peered up at Tommy, watching how the older man looked both surprised and turned on as Buck press open mouth kisses over his chest.

Buck felt himself preen as Tommy started to pant, "Okay, so maybe the costume stays home." he decided as Buck dragged him towards the bedroom.

"It's definitely going to stay on, especially that cape." Buck promised.

-

This wasn't revenge.

Well, not exactly.

But Buck had a plan up his sleeve, it just took a few days to execute said plan.

Despite him and Tommy deciding to opt for a costume couple (they compromised and settled on going as Deadpool and Wolverine since they couldn't settle on which Star Wars franchise to pick from), Buck had his on costume he wanted to wear for Tommy.

Granted it wasn't anything outlandish, but Buck knew Tommy had one major weakness.

Romantic period piece movies and shows.

(Buck could freaking memorize Mr. Darcy's line from Pride and Prejudice by now)

Which was why Buck didn't bother to shave for a while, bought tan high waisted linen pants and those billow-ly white "pirate" shirt that would show off his chest. Separately they looked ridiculous, together along with Buck's curly hair and opting to go bare foot, he looked like he walked off the set of a Bridgeton episode.

Which was the goal.

Tommy was working on Buck's jeep when Buck sneaked into the garage.

"You almost done?" he asked Tommy airily.

"Yeah," Tommy stood up and turned around, "Just abou-oumph."

Buck mentally gave himself a high five as he watched Tommy open and close his mouth multiple times, his blue eyes wide. The way he could see Tommy's chest rise up and down was the added cherry on top.

"Cat got your tongue?" He asked playfully, watching as Tommy dropped the towel he was using to wipe his hands.

"You look..." Tommy dry swallowed, rushing to get his hands all over Buck. "Hot." he wheezed out. "God, you look- Evan, all you need is the accent and I would get down on my knees immediately." Tommy swore, his fingers dipping under Buck's shirt and brushing Buck's stomach.

Buck used his two fingers to lift Tommy's chin up and in his best British accent (A really good one if you asked Buck) told Tommy, "I take it the gentle sir thinks highly of my attire then, hmm?"

Watching Tommy's eyes dilate and his intake of breath was all Buck needed to know he won.

He already knew where they were going when Tommy started to pull him into the house but he asked anyway- showing off his accent still, "Where are we going?"

"The garage floor is killer on the knees and I have plans for us now!"

[restinslices]

Hello again, I love the publication of Tomas and the combat medical reader and I would like to ask you for one like this with Bi-han, please 🙏🏻😔

Thank you for accepting my English, it is getting better

L.N

I'm still mad that Bi-Han did that silly ass jump in that portal in Khaos Reigns-

Similar to Tomas' scenario, you're a Lin Kuei ninja who specializes in healing

I don't see him as a a super social kid so are you guys 4lifers? No. Aware of each other's presence? Yes

He hurts himself really bad one day and he's sent to you

Do y'all remember how stubborn he was at the end of Khaos Reigns? Even the younger version of him is tweaking and making your life hard

"I don't need your help" "I'm sure you don't”

Meanwhile his heart is purple, his leg inside out-

You heal him and he goes on about his day

I can see a friendship forming and growing once you prove you’re helpful beyond just healing

I feel like he appreciates people who are good at multiple things, so you also being a great fighter intrigues him

I still think his dad is forcing him to see you for a while-

You end up talking and he ends up talking about things he wants changed for the Lin Kuei and you agree

Are those church bells I hear?

He’s not in love with you now but this is where the friendship starts

Now he’s not being overly difficult when it comes to being healed

Time passes and you’re still very loyal to him. That’s what separates you from everyone else - he knows you’re loyal to him and his vision

I don’t see Bi-Han needing to be healed super often. He’s a pretty careful person. You still hang around each other though

I think the romantic feelings would be kinda slow. I don’t see him jumping into relationships quickly

Oh but when you support him letting his dad die? Oh bitch he almost proposed right then and there

You’re that loyal? You believe in his vision that much? You understand that sacrifices must be made for the betterment of everyone?

You’re an amazing fighter and an amazing healer?

I PICK MY POISON AND IT’S YOOOOUUUU-

All joking aside, your loyalty and faith in him means a lot to him. I imagine that “what I want for our clan” talk happens when he’s a kid, so ya’ll have been close for years at this point

Onto you being a combat medic, you’re definitely tagging along with him whenever he’s on missions

After seeing him with Sektor, I think he’d give you words of affirmations as or after you work on someone

Compliments your intelligence and how skillful you are

Ya’ll are quite literally partners in crime

Now onto Khaos Reigns-

“Can you heal me?” “No Bi-Han, because I see nothing that needs to be healed :D” “….” “Nah but being serious, I legit can’t do anything-“

I don’t think he’s mad at you for not being able to heal him. His silly goofy ass is the one that decided to stand on a business a lil too seriously

You visit him while he’s being healed and tell him about the stupid injuries you’ve been having to fix for others

You also promise you’re not going anywhere

Ya’ll a lil chaotic but it’s cute

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

What animal do you most resemble and why?

So just so yall know before you go to your piles. The animals in the pictures might not be the creature that you most resemble. I am using the Untamed Spirit Animal Oracle in this reading. Please take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new perspectives about yourself.

_________

PILE ONE

Astrology: Pisces, Sagittarius, Aries

Song: all i ever wanted by Mazie

Vibes: 🖤💙🔭✈️🕷🦋🕶🎓🐾🌏🌊🫐🍙🧊🎧♟🦽💎⛏🛋����✒️💤♿️🔊♠️🏁

Cards: Lion, 5 of Cups, 7 of Wands, The Void, Karmic Relationships

Hi, pile 1! Welcome. These cards tell me you look most like a lion. I can see some of you have prominent noses that make your face very lion-like. All of you have the most piercing fierce eyes. I also see you have soft hands and nice nails that you probably get done regularly. You are legit gorgeous and you have this extensive hair routine you do almost every day. You might wear a bonnet to sleep or you have a silk pillow case to protect it. I can also see you are surprised by these compliments. You have some self-esteem issues that frustrate you a lot. These beliefs you have about your physical appearance are built around the opinions of others. First off, they only shit on you cus they are jealous. These cards have a weird undertone of relationships so I think maybe you had a partner at one point who was SUUUUPER jealous of how beautiful you are. Wow, they are pressed about it. They probably said some extremely mean things to you about your appearance that stick with you even though it doesn't look like they are around you anymore. I hear them saying you have RBF or something. You have literally nothing to feel insecure about my dear.. Like you complimented yourself in the mirror around this person and they like immediately tried to knock you down a peg. Dude, that person is SO ENVIOUUS. Don't listen to their words. You need to see through their words to the true emotions behind them. Don't let these jealous people dim you light, girl!!! Their words are not based on reality. It is distorted by their emotions. Just know when they look in the mirror all they hear is their momma tellin them they're ugly as fuck. They were just projecting their insecurities, baby.

PILE TWO

Astrology: Taurus, Leo, Aquarius

Song: Body Talks by The Struts, Kesha

Vibes: 💛🧡❤️💙🎁🧿💰🌅🏖🚦🚚🚎🎯🎭🏅🍹🫐🍂🌊🌈🌏🍁🐠🫂🤖🥶😰

Cards: Badger, 7 of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, The Seven Star Sisters, Jump In

Hey there, pile 2!! You have such an interesting energy. The animal you most resemble is the Badger. So from what I'm reading from the other cards this is less of a physical resemblance and more of an attitude resemblance. The way you hold yourself is like you do not give a fuck what anyone thinks about you. You had many people around you growing up who were considered "conventionally attractive" and for a long time, this bothered you. I think sometimes it does still bother you but you have grown your self-esteem a lot since you were little. You got tired of fighting for attention real quick. You realized how dumb the competition of appearance is and began to explore your expression more for fun rather than to fit in. You have a unique way of expressing yourself, especially with your make-up. Dark eye shadow is your signature look. It makes your already really unique eye color pop like nothing else. You dress very alternatively compared to your siblings and/or friends. The style does have a touch of whimsicalness to it too. I see some of the people who picked this pile have a curvy body type. You keep your hair short for the most part because it's easier to manage while short. You truly have such a fantastic head-turning style. I really do love your energy, my dear. Like, wow you are fucking awesome. I would have looked at you as a kid and wanted to look like you so bad.

PILE THREE

Astrology: Scorpio, Libra, Gemini

Song: The Middle by Jimmy Eats World

Vibes: 🤍🖤🔎🖋🧷📓🩺🔬🔌📷📼🎥🎹🎼🎤🎧🎬🌪🐚🪨🐇🕊🦢🐈‍⬛🕸🐰👟

Cards: Toad, Fox, 8 of Swords, 2 of Wands, Double Mission, Deep Cellular Healing

Oh, pile 3. This is gonna be a kind of shadow work-y kind of reading so just be prepared to be called out okay? Trigger warning for SA. You make yourself ugly on purpose. You hid your beauty from yourself. I dunno exactly what you do to hide it from others but I see you wearing clothes that keep your shape a secret. You do your make-up in a way that accentuates the dark cycles under your eyes. You make yourself look sick and dying. You force yourself to believe you resemble a Toad. I don't blame you, my friend. You went through something truly terrible that made you feel ugly so you express it outwardly constantly. You believe you are ugly because of what happened. What they did to you didn't taint your beauty, homie. You aren't dirty. You aren't hideous or unattractive naturally. You are so scared of what happened, happening again. It makes you put up these defenses in-order to feel safe. My friend you are already safe without these defenses. You might be doing way more harm than good, my friend. If you stopped hiding your true beauty from yourself, you would more resemble a Fox. These cards are encouraging you to heal from what happened to you mentally. Your reaction to what happened isn't wrong but you shouldn't destroy yourself because of how others treated you. You are stunning and so naturally gorgeous. I hear you saying that your feelings about what happened don't matter. That is a lie you tell yourself. That is a lie someone else told you. What happened to you was truly awful. What they did to you was disgusting but it doesn't make you disgusting. It makes THEM disgusting. What THEY did is disgusting. You are beautiful. You are so drop-dead, star-struck glamorous! You aren't a toad. You are a fox. Please embrace your authenticity because you deserve to feel good. You deserve to see your body for what it truly is.

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Cancer, Capricorn, Virgo

Song: Honey And The Bee by Owl City

Vibes: 🤍💖💛🦦😜👄☀️👟🐁👙👑🎂🐱🐻‍❄️🌙🦭🌸🌼🍣🍰⚾️🎗🎟🎲📿

Cards: Otter, Queen of Cups, The Well, A New Earth, Called

Pile 4. You are so fucking cute. Like so cute. Like I feel your energy and all I feel and think is "Awwww~ What a cuuutie!". You most resemble an Otter. Which in my opinion, ARE SO FUCKING CUTE!!! I see you like to color your hair in pastel colors and it's SUUUPER long. Like you have been growing out your hair for a while now. You have this cute little button nose and these super pretty dark eyes. Ohmygods you have no idea how much I think brown eyes are the prettiest eyes. You put a lot of creativity in your outfits so you always look so snatched and dolled up. You like the long flowy dresses and shirts that billow in the wind. They make you look like a fairy. You always smell like incense and sea salt. You probably love swimming or surfing or some kind of sport you play in the water so you are very lean. I see you might be pursuing some kind of profession in the beauty industry. Either that or you just look like a model and people think you are one. You wear these pretty flowers in your hair that give you this gorgeous halo of lavender. You have been absolutely blessed by Lady Aphrodite. She loves you like her child. She blesses you with fashion sense and soft features.

[cerastes]

I was thinking about the "FUNNIEST VTUBER CLIP -> Sex" post (that OP deleted and that I hope it wasn't due to harassment) and I think a sizeable amount of people that dislike Vtubers don't actually dislike Vtubers, they dislike Vtuber fans.

Now, quick preface: I used to watch Vtubers, I don't anymore, but I don't dislike them or shit on them, I just moved onto other things, plus I don't like certain aspects of it as a culture on the corporate side. One of the biggest things I dislike, though, are the fans. I sincerely have never before wanted to not be perceived as something as much as I have with being a fan of Vtubers, not because Vtubers are cringe, but because being associated with Vtuber fans would legit lead to an ego death for me.

I obviously mean the ones that are the most infamous with that statement, if it wasn't obvious enough: The ones that seem to try and grasp at every chance to aggrandize, or, say, idolize Vtubers. You know the ones I'm talking about, the people that say "wow, normies fucking suck, they see Markiplier making weird noises and lose their shit, I don't get it" and 5 minutes later are laughing their lungs out at Amelia Watson making weird noises, the ones that'll see the Vtubers do something in a game and claims she's a Goddess Of The Game, The Best Player Alive At It, the ones that'll endlessly circulate clips of the Vtubers "using their real voice by accident" or "FUNNIEST VTUBER CLIP" (she said something sexual or burped) or "[Vtuber] is a FREAK?" (she said 'feet' or 'vore' or otherwise mentioned any other widespread milquetoast fetish), the ones that'll absolutely die on the hill of going to bat for the Vtuber or Vtuber corp they like (especially Hololive, Hololive shills are lab-grown weirdos with burnt out brains that you'd think are constantly in MK Ultra activation mode except just to defend Hololive at any cost and by any means).

This isn't every Vtuber fan, obviously, but this is what is known as the Vtuber Fan. This is what a lot of people think of when they think of "Vtuber Fans". And seriously, I find it hard to blame the talent -- in the majority of cases, because there's plenty of Vtubers that really lean on the so called "GFE", or "Girlfriend Experience", or "Really Fucking Vile Parasocial Shit", these ones can legit go explode and I support not giving them a platform -- because, see, streams are hours long endeavors for most streamers, and Vtubers definitely are expected to stream at least some good amount of hours per session. The majority of cases, these Vtubers are just making some jokes or commentary that may make reference to sex or involve more raunchy topics, which is completely normal for the average streamer, even non-Vtubers, but then Clippers (or Clip Channels), as they are known, clip only those parts, so for outsiders, Catgirl McTuber is known exclusively for making references to feet, piss, and saying the word sex a couple of times per clip, when the reality of the matter is, Catgirl McTuber only brings those up maybe twice or thrice every couple of streams. There are definitely Vtubers that leverage this, mind you, the whole "ehehehe if I say nipple and feet and imply being into this one obscure fetish, I'll get a shitload of views on my clips, which translates to new followers" so, almost as if on schedule like old Moistcritikal videos, suddenly they will unleash "uhhh yeah chat that health potion I just drank, it's so red and colorful, it looks delicious... Delicious like feet! Like a giantess' feet!" followed by a silence where chat goes "HUH?????" and they know that's going to be their clip, but again, that's not all of them, and some are really misrepresented. In a way, it's largely Clippers' fault that Vtubing in general is so often seen almost necessarily as this Thing For Perverts: Yeah, those clips get traction, from both enjoyers and detractors, and with those delicious views rolling in that aggressively, of course they'll replicate the formula more and more.

This, in turn, feeds into the usual view of the Vtuber Fan: It's easy for anyone not interested, not even hateful of the culture/craft, just uninterested, to view it as "Oh, vtubers? Those super perverts that only ultrafreaks like? Hmm yeah not really, no, I don't watch any of them".

And, again, the need, the compulsion, to aggrandize: "WOAH Pink Vtuber just dropped a new song! It's THE BEST!" maybe it's not bad, really, but it's definitely mid at best, and seeing people really push it as this breakthrough of music so aggressively because they jack it to the Vtuber's model, well, it doesn't sit well with Actual Music Fans of the genre. "WOW Dog Vtuber is FERAL!" she's literally doing much of what Markiplier-type streamers did and do, but she's got a cute anime model and is Female, so fans will go rabid, and other people will eventually find this behavior annoying out of principle.

See, these things I mentioned... Do they warrant hatred? Not really. A streamer can release a track and it can be mid and that's fine. A streamer can make noises and say "unhinged" things and that's fine. Streaming is about doing something you enjoy as much as it is entertaining a crowd, in my opinion. Going about it the way you want to go about it is always the right answer. But then you have these incredibly aggressively parasocially invested fans that make the visible, perceptible bulk of what a Vtuber Fan is, and that's when public opinion, well, it goes to shit, because it's not longer just "a streamer with an anime rig just chilling and doing their thing", it becomes "a streamer with an anime rig doing anything at all and this army of people with usernames like lolifeet9000 proudly proclaiming they are, in fact, the funniest feralest greatest internet supersensation alive, even though all she said was 'armpit' this one time in a 7 hour stream".

Mind you, there's plenty of legitimate gripes to have with Vtubing -- to name a few, the obvious clip fishing is annoying and especially the parasocial angle being intentionally leveraged sits VERY badly with me -- but these things are not universal, not all Vtubers are doing these bad things. I think Vtubers get a lot of unwarranted hate because they have the worst most annoying fans possible, and I would rather people make the distinction more often, if they hate Vtubers or Vtuber Fans (tm), because I think it's not fair to the streamers and I think you hate the Fans, actually, for very good reasons.

[honey-crypt]

can you do some headcanon drabbles thingies with a farmer that has BPD? Bachelors please

a/n: yippee i get to write about bpd!!! fun fact but i was diagnosed with it for about two years (it ended up being a misdiagnosis) and i did a ted talk (like a legit one lol) about it and the criminalization/demonization of personality and other "undesirable" disorders :3 thx for this request and enjoy!

warning: discussion of bpd splitting, mental health crisis, and self-harm

★ sdv bachelors with bpd!farmer ★

alex

★ seeing you split for the first time is the catalyst for him to address his own issues, such as dealing with his father's abuse; to an extent, he can see himself in you, longing for approval and love from others, only to fall apart when others don't provide that

★ a very good listener, he opens his ears and mind to you to talk about what's on your mind and you do the same for him; it's very helpful and therapeutic for the both of you

★ does his best to keep you away from george, he worries that his grandfather's behavior would trigger an episode in you but he couldn't keep you away from him forever; it does cause an episode but with evelyn's help, alex manages to get george on his best behavior around you

elliott

★ often writes you letters of reassurance and love for you to read whenever you're having an episode, it's his way of supporting you through your hard times

★ he attends workshops to learn methods to assist you with bpd episodes and symptoms after harvey recommended it to him when he confided in him about his concern for your wellbeing

★ adds a small piece of candy, such as a starburst or skittle, in your pill box so you have a little reward/pick-me-up when you take your medication

harvey

★ out of all the bachelors, he's the best equipped to support you during your episodes (he did a psych rotation during his residency) but he tries his best not to go doctor mode on you

★ covers your farmhouse with sticky notes that feature medication reminders, words of affirmation, and so on; you save each and every one of them in a little scrapbook that you look back on for reassurance

★ harvey makes you feel safe, you're truly able to trust him and confide in him; you both make it work and even though others are critical of your relationship, either of you really give a damn because you love one another

sam

★ he's familiar with mental health conditions because of his father's ptsd and in the beginning of your romantic relationship, he kinda isolates himself from you when you're splitting because he genuinely doesn't know how to help

★ but thankfully, he learns how to support you with harvey's education on bpd, such as grounding you with music or encouraging you to socialize with others

★ he enjoys writing and playing you songs as a means of grounding, you're his inspiration and he wants to brighten your world with the power of music

sebastian

★ he goes into research mode after you inform him that you have bpd, he knows that personality disorders are heavily stigmatized and he doesn't want you to feel like he thinks you're a bad person for having bpd

★ does dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy) homework with you when you come home from group (group therapy); it helps him just as much as it helps you, he learns a lot of coping techniques that he utilizes when he has to deal with hardships or shitty people like demetrius

★ gets you an enamel pin for every month you remain clear from self-harm, you have an ita bag that you secure every pin on and it's one of your most treasured possessions

shane

★ a match made in hell... JK JK you two have the potential to bring out the best or worst in one another, depending on your relationship and whether or not you both are in therapy

★ if you're friends, you're able to support one another through bpd or depressive episodes, you both are different sides of a very similar coin and your empathy for one another transcends the boundaries of your typical friendship

★ but if you're dating or married?? i'm sorry but it's not gonna work out well unless both of you are consistent with your meds and therapy; you often get paranoid about your relationship with shane and it only intensifies during his 14 heart event where you and marnie think he relapsed with his drinking, causing you to split... luckily, it works out in the end but you still struggle with coping and trusting shane

[bubblegumbarbie33]

The Lost Boys Using Slang From When I Headcanon They Got Turned

David, 1910's: This hunt is gonna be duck soup, don't worry about it. Marko's just being a goldbrick cause he doesn't want to deal with dumping the bodies. Yes- we DO have to dump the bodies Marko, remember that time in the 40's you ended up in the hoosegow because you ripped those honey-mooner's throats out and left the evidence behind? Oh, you wanna go, ya bimbo? Yeah, that's what I thought. You gotta quit letting me get on yer nerves ya crackpot.

Michael, leaning over whisper to Dwayne: What the fuck is he saying?

-

Marko, 1930's: Ackamarackus! It's gonna be aces! Quite talking that booshwash and gimme a five-spot so I can nab us some rotgut from the convenience store. Don't be a tightwad, Paul, I know you've got some dough in your pockets. I can't just filch it from 'em, last time I did that the coppers got on my ass and I had to rip their throats out.

Michael, whispering softly to himself: What the fuck?

-

Dwayne, 1950's: Well, half of the time Marko and Paul act like little ankle-biters. Somehow they always manage to feed girls on the boardwalk some smooth apple butter though. Although last time Paul got a little too excited and flashed his teeth- had those girls beating feet pretty quick. They had a bitchin' ride, really burned rubber on the way out, but we caught 'em. It should be easy for you to draw in the ladies Michael, you're a bit of dreamboat. Oh, don't have a cow David, no one's stealing him from you. Besides, Michael's a bit too nerdy to impress me. I mean it! Word from the bird!

Michael, mouthing silently: Word from the bird?

-

Paul, 1970's: You're not gonna get all flower power on us, are you? I'm gonna be honest Michael, sometimes when we're rapping it gets a little too peace and lovey for my taste. Wait, hang on, I wanna listen to the lick in this song. There it is. You know, these guys are doing a gig up in L.A. later this year- I'm stoked. David thinks they're a little off the wall, but I just think they've got a certain X-Factor, y'know?

Michael, nodding: I can actually understand the words that are coming out of your mouth right now.

-

Bonus, Star and Michael, 1980's:

Star: Ugh, bag your face Michael, you look like you just got hit by a truck.

Michael: I had to book it back here, alright, I didn't have time to clean up.

Star: That's cause you're turning into a total couch potato. You just lie on the ground after you eat- y'know it's just like a man-

Michael: Star, don't be a hoser alright, it's not because I'm a MAN-

Star: No, I'm being legit, like, I've been reading a lot of interesting literature about feminism and how woman are socialized-

Michael: Where are you getting books from?

Star: Dwayne has a library card. Y'know Santa Carla's got a primo library.

Michael: What- Oh, shit, some of that skater didn't go down right, I think I'm gonna ralph.

Star: Smooth move, Travolta. Ugh- dude, you puked on my shoes, what's your damage?

David and the boys, watching from the corner: Kids these days sound so weird.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

BTS (Green/Yellow/Red Flags) In Relationships

Alright, want to get to them next. I feel this will be a mess lol so lets get to it lol

Jin

Green (7 of Wands) He will be protective. He will guard his partner from any hate or scrutiny they may get. He will stand by his partner no matter and defend them; he will stand as a united front with his partner.

Yellow (5 of Pentacles) He won't be the type to ask for support. He would try to do things on his own. I do think his partner might get left out in the cold with him. He may not always be there for his partner.

Red (9 of Swords) Relationships are stressful af with him. There is legit a paper with a paper burning with the word love on it, that is significant, I have never noticed that before. I keep hearing fuck love. I just don't think he cares for love or relationships at the moment. He doesn't seem like the relationship type guy, but will do it because it is expected of him.

Suga

Green (The Magician) Interesting green flag. He can plan out fun dates for his partner. He has the ability to put a spell on his partner, magnetize them, make them believe he is a great partner. He may make his partner feel good about themselves as well. I just see lots of fancy dinners and night outs.

Yellow (2 of Wands) In it for the attraction. He tends to date people he is more sexually attracted to, not really out of an emotional connection, which can lead him astray. He could have a potential to cheat, flirt with others while dating.

Red (King of Swords) Very logical and rational, lack emotional depth, or doesn't want to show it, can be harsh with his words, too critical. I am not getting any indication of emotions here, so yeah. I do get a sense he doesn't reveal his true self either. It is like he blocks the emotional side of himself, just kind of cold.

Jhope

Green (The Star) He would be someone healing for his partner. Someone who can bring hope and optimism. He would be someone you can talk to about anything. He would love to dream and plan with his partner. I mean he is called Jhope for a reason lol

Yellow (5 of Cups) I am getting he mourns things too easily, can get down in the dump, focuses too much on what he lost, very hard to move on from grief, oh his Venus in Pisces energy is coming through here. I can see him guilt tripping his partner as well.

Red (Ace of Cups) I feel he falls deep way too quickly, gets way too emotionally invested a bit too soon and he could be prone to love bombing.

RM

Green (4 of Cups) This one confuses me, I got he knows how to distract, how is this a green flag? He is good at emotionally disconnecting, but not seeing why this is good. I can also see this as maybe he won't be the type to cheat, he may get offers and be put in situations to do so, but doesn't bite.

Yellow (Temperance) He may compromise himself a bit too much to blend into his partner, so he won't truly be his authentic self. He doesn't want arguments. He wants things to remain peaceful, so he may struggle to have a disagreement when need be. I always see this card as appearance will be important to him. They would need to blend well together. Now, this could be a good thing, but this being a yellow flag it really isn't. It is like he may have an idealized idea of a relationships that isn't how it should be or can be, I get a bit of a perfectionist vibe here.

Red (6 of Wands) Can be arrogant, may like to have the upper hand. He has a strong sense of pride, he may not like someone who challenges him, or he may like the challenge, but needs to have the upper hand at the end. This makes no sense with his yellow flag wtf dude lol

Jimin

Oh god, this dude, his energy is all over the place, these cards flew out everywhere.

Green (10 of Pentacles) I don't know how to see this as a green flag, this card is about investment, generational wealth, family pride, money, finances. He will provide financial stability for his partner. A good home and environment.

Yellow (Ace of Cups) I always get love bombing energy from this card and getting it here. Will pour out his emotions and show vulnerability to get what he wants. I don't think it is authentic most of the time, because this is a yellow flag.

Red (The Devil) Well, the most toxic card you can get. Sadist did pop up, just a messenger, don't come at me. He could be into BDSM, I mean the card in this deck gives that vibe. Although not that bad if you are into it. He just has some toxic tendencies, can't tap into what that is. Beware of him to be honest.

Not feeling that vibe at all.

V

Green (4 of Cups) Once again, like RM, probably doesn't take the bite on opportunities to cheat. Can dissociate from obligations with his career that could make him cheat, like do they get offers for people to sleep with them wtf is this energy. Anyway, he doesn't put himself in compromising positions.

Yellow (The Hierophant) I got stale, basic, very traditional, goes by traditions, does what has been done in the past. Doesn't step outside the box or his comfort zone. Could follow what older generations have done. He sounds like the stereotypical conservative Korean boyfriend.

Red (Temperance) Ugh, this card, appearance is important. Keeping a stable front, even if it is unrealistic. It is like he wants to be a stereotypical happy unit, like look at us, we look good on paper. I see no love here to be honest. It is like the person has to balance him out just perfectly with no disturbances.

Jungkook

Green (Knight of Cups) He can be very warm and loving. Very receiving. A romantic, open his heart pretty easily. Offers love and support to his partner. His partner will feel special with him, showering them with love and gifts of love.

Yellow (Justice) I am trying to understand why this is a yellow flag, this card is about being cordial, communicating effectively to resolve arguments. It is like does he always need someone else to help him resolve problems? rather than resolve it himself with his partner, like there may need to be a third party involved to help him. Like he always asks for others advice, rather than work through it himself or with his partner

Red (10 of Cups rv) He struggles to find his happy ending, how is this a red flag. It is like he struggles to go the long haul. Not sure his relationships last long. It is like he is blocked from reaching his happy ending in love. Had to get a clarifier and got the lovers, now I get it. He seems to have way too high standards for love and that is why it all falls apart. It never encompasses what he imagines and so things fall apart. He puts way too much attention to love; he puts it on a pedestal. That could lead him to feel very disappointed when things are not as he visualized it to be, which causes problems. Also, his partner will never live up to what his standards are.

The maknae line was a mess, so hard to understand that energy, honestly most were confusing af here, this was the best I can do lol I got a headache now lol

[ca-suffit]

No offense to Sam but the way he's been talking about Lestat lately is ... troubling, to say the least. He did an interview with Screenrant and he legit said that Lestat's abuse of Louis was "probably not as violent an act as Louis made it out to be in season 1." That's a direct quote, by the way. I understand that a lot of Lestat fans have their rose-colored glasses on and they're not the only ones, sure. However, when you have the actor saying things like this, are we really surprised Lestat fans are just as willing to turn a blind eye and act as if he's this innocent beacon of sunshine whose word is the gospel truth? I can't include links but you can search up Sam Reid and Screenrant on Google and the article should pop up.

ya, I've seen that quote (article and text at the bottom of this post).

if this fandom was full of critical thinkers the way ppl always luv to claim, we'd be able to discuss these things and even say maybe these actors say dumb, harmful shit sometimes. assigning sam reid the new role of anne rice stand in, coming from ppl who already have an unhealthy relationship with her, usually going back decades, is why trying to do anything here is p useless.

this fandom will never know peace bcuz instead of focusing on the fact harm was done, racist fandom has to keep digging and victim blaming black characters bcuz how could the white character do this, it's ooc, it's bad writing, it's not what anne rice would have done (except she did lol but there's always an excuse for why that doesn't count).

there's a lot of things the fandom could be talking about but instead it's gonna be tossing this quote up forever as "the truth" and it's gonna be like 50 year olds in the fandom doing it too. embarrassing tbh.

One of my favorite moments in the episode is Lestat apologizing over the cloud gift move from last season. It's powerful and moving, and yet so frustrating because the trial carries on like nothing after. Can you talk about playing that scene with Jacob?

Sam Reid: Yeah, I think we kind of had to make sure it [landed]. I don't want it to be like, "Yeah, but actually, it's not such a big deal. He apologized, and it's over now," which is what Claudia said. It's probably not as violent an act as Louis made it out to be in season 1, but I think the fact that Lestat did something to him that is so out of his nature was driven by the extent to which they love each other.

Lestat was driven to the point that he didn't fully even recognize himself, and he saw from his own hands an action that was unforgivable. You've physically hurt the person that you love so much that you no longer feel like you deserve to be with them. He knew that, and I think the thing is that he realized that as soon as he's done that, he also has to die.

In terms of working on that scene with Jacob, I think it's important for us to acknowledge that this is not the end. Do you know what I mean? This is not the finality of that beat. Louis doesn't forgive him at that moment, and Lestat sees that. He can't look at him that much during the trial, but there's another moment when Lestat looks at him and all he sees is pure hate in Louis' gaze. "He's never going to forgive me." But he doesn't flip back to just doing the trial — he still wants to save him, you know what I mean? He's got to just hurry the proceedings up, get through the f--king thing, and stick to his script.

That definitely is also when I feel like we get into that silhouetted, mirage version of the trial. I think that's when we're in full-blown POV bulls--t of how it actually went.

[aurumalatus]

how do i get good at writing like you 🥺👉👈

being "good at writing" is def a process, and since "good writing" is subjective it can kind of be all over the place. i don't really consider myself a good writer, and i was never an english major or anything when i was in college, so i'm probably not the *best* person to be giving writing advice, but i've been writing fanfic for a long time so this is my genuine advice in that regard! (below the cut)

serina's totally legit (maybe not) writing advice

start with an idea this one seems obvious. like, serina, no fucking duh. but starting with an idea that YOU like and are passionate about can make all the difference. for me, this is the difference between words naturally flowing on the page, and me writing shit like "he laughed laughily while laughing". if you can really get into an idea, it makes the process a LOT easier.

flesh it out if you're not an outline person, that's okay. i'm not really either, unless it's for multi-chapter fics. i just kind of skip around writing scenes that i think of as it goes, but warning this can get VERY disorganized very quickly, which is why i ALSO have a habit of restarting like 8 diff drafts of one piece LOL. everyone works differently so find your vibe. if your idea is something like "kinich and reader kissing", figure out WHY kinich and reader are kissing. where are they kissing? is it awkward? what's the vibe?

set the tone for me, every piece has a bit of a different style. pixelprincess has a lighter style, which means more basic descriptions that essentially serve to lead into the funny dialogue and other things. "brighella, the hellraiser" is one that i wanted to have a more evocative tone and a frigid vibe, which means it has more flowery-esque prose and metaphors, rather than straightforward description. turnfire is somewhere in between. for me, setting the tone can be helped by a lot of things, like making moodboards or playlists. for me personally, the music i'm listening to while writing matters SO MUCH.

don't be afraid to start over/change as i said before, i have a habit of starting over my drafts a LOT. i think the last chapter of turnfire had something like 6 drafts. but i always think "if this is dragging for me to write, it's probably dragging for them to read too". and sure, maybe that's not always true, but why would i keep writing something that even i don't like? i'm really not afraid to start over or put things in a different direction than i originally intended if i feel it's more interesting. if you're someone who likes to stick to your outlines though, do that! like i said, i don't really outline, so that's up to your individual preference.

write things down as they come i find ideas everywhere. you guys might have noticed that i like to write a lot of aus, and it's because i truly get ideas in every single media i consume. games i play, music i listen to, etc. if i think of an interesting wording or metaphor, i'll write it down. seeing these things really helps when i'm writing, and it often helps me branch out my writing.

don't be afraid to put it down. you might have also noticed that i have TONS of wips going on at any one time. THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE. some people find this very overwhelming which is understandable! for me, it gives me other things to work on when i'm feeling stuck in one piece. by switching between them, i can keep my ideas fresh and stay in better form without burning out for longer. again, this is a personal preference! if you want more specific advice regarding ACTUAL writing, like sentence flow, descriptions, etc, let me know! again, i'm REALLY not the best LOL but i also want to encourage everyone to get started on writing however they can if they feel the urge! the fandom can always use more writers :)

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

[wish-i-were-heather]

This is a long post but not a vent its the opposite of a vent ykwim like a long happy rant

I love you all so much.

Maybe I’m just all dramatic and emotional because I’m on my period, maybe because I’m writing this late at night and I’m gonna think it’s really cringe in the morning, but I love you guys so much. Tumblr has brought me so much joy. I’ve been here for maybe three or four months now? And I can’t really think of a time in my life where I was happier. 

I first made an account after scrolling aimlessly. I would go onto the tumblr website and it would let me search a bit until it was like “you need to make an account to keep going!!” And then I’d just close it and move on. But then one day I decided  hey what the heck just do it. So I made an account, and I didn’t really know what I was doing. I came up with this username because I liked conan gray, I gave myself  a daphne blake profile picture because she has red hair, and just kinda explored. 

I looked through tags of fandoms I love like the inheritance games and pjo and shatter me and even scythe (which was when i was then brought to the realization that the aoas fandom really is dead everywhere even here😔). But I just kinda explored.

Then I found all you guys, the cute aesthetic tumblrinas! And omg I thought everyone was so cool. Pretty much everyone I’m mutuals with now is someone who i found their blog and was like OMG I WANNA BE ONE OF THEM!! I loved the friendships and the connection and just seeing everyone interact made me so happy. I think one of the first people to follow me back was Belle and I remember I legit freaked out because omg!! Shes so cool!! 

Now that I’m telling the story it’s a little embarrassing, but it’s fine. I just know I was slowly growing my blog and meeting new people but I still didn’t feel like I had real friends, it hadn’t been that long. But I think it all kinda happened after I accidentally deleted my account, and I sent panic asks to everyone. And you guys were so nice and so sweet and for a lot of people it was some of the first interactions we had. 

I have the world’s worst memory, but it just kinda took off from there. 

And now I am friends with all you guys!! I’m so incredibly glad I decided to make this blog that day because omg. I’d seen people talk about online friends but I’d never had any. But now?? OMGG I UNDERSTAND!!! I finally have people who are just as obsessed with the books/tv/movies/music/everything that I am!! 

My friends IRL are nice, they’ve read the books I read, but I cant talk to them the way I do you guys, yknow? Tumblr is literally just such a safe space for me. I have a bad day, come online, and my mood is lifted. It makes me so happy and it also makes me feel so validated for whatever weird interests or feelings I have! I have a weird thought? Post it to tumblr! It’s just so amazing, how there’s people all over the world who care about me even a little, even just enough to like my shitposts. 

I’ve even infiltrated both the shatter me and tig roleplays, and I’ve really just done everything I could’ve hoped for when I joined tumblr. I used to be the one watching everyone interact, and now I am the one interacting! I don't think you guys understand how much you all mean to me. Especially as someone with bad social anxiety, who struggles with making friends irl. I also don’t believe in popularity in schools, thats stupid, but technically i’m not a “popular kid.” So I have friends, but not a billion. But here? Everyone is friends on tumblr!! It’s so amazing. I love you all so much. 

That’s long and honestly pretty sappy, also yall probably don't care about my whole tumblr history and how i got here (plus no one asked), but I felt like i wanted to share. There’s so much more I wanna say, but surprisingly enough as a writer, I’m not always the best at expressing my feelings over writing. My love language is physical touch, not words of affirmation. Which suckss cause i cant give you guys that. But this is as good as i can get. 

So thank you to everyone, my mutuals and followers and whatever. Thank you for being so loving. Thank you for being stupid with me. Thank you for listening to me rant about nonsense. Thank you for liking my posts. thank you for being here. Thank you for making me feel safe.

Cause every time I get a notification, I smile. It’s hard not to, when I know everyone is so amazing. I hope you think of me when you listen to heather, because I always think of you when i listen to online love. Anyway, I love you all. I hope we meet one day. Actually, scratch that. We will  meet one day. That is a threat :)

LOVE YOU ALL MUAH MUAH MUAH IM BREAKING INTO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW BTW WERE GONNA WATCH HALLOWEEN MOVIES AND HAVE HOT CHOCOLATE AND GO TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH AND DO A BIG GROUP COSTUME AND GO TRICK OR TREATING TOGETHER GET READY 😋😋

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Arranged verse, I want to see more Batman and Mrs.Wayne😔

There was a ridge that gave you a perfect view of the bridge. The juxtapositon of the edge of a stand of trees that had once been woods and swamp with the sprawl of the city and the harbor... it was a challenge, capturing that. But.

You liked a challenge sometimes. It gave you a way to fill the time. Not that anyone was going to care about your silly little paintings. But that was fine. It was nice to have something that was yours.

"It's dangerous out here," Batman said, frowning when you didn't turn.

"I don't think anyone would care very much if I went missing," you say practically. "The only reason it would matter is if my father wanted to get rid of someone else."

"Not even your husband-"

"I doubt it," you snort. There's no bitterness. Or sadness. It's all said as blandly as you'd point out that the sun rises in the east. The sun rises in the east, gravity is real, and no one would miss me. "I still don't know anything-"

"Do you want to know?"

"No."

Of course you don't, Bruce thought. If you know things you might have to do something about-

"I'm already in danger every time I step out my door. It would be easy for any of the families to use me- my death, maiming, or kidnapping, as a way to start a war. If I don't know anything they can't get information either."

Bruce stopped and peered over your shoulder. Letting your words penetrate. "How-"

"There are a set of rules," you explain. "Codes of conduct. Gentleman's agreements that are meant to keep people from behaving like complete animals." You do half turn then, "Just telling you these things exist could get me killed."

"What are they?"

"Wives are left out. Wives, daughters, and any son who isn't inheriting things. Thats first-

"Your husband isn't-"

"His family went legit, sure. But that doesn't mean there isn't dirty money in the vault still."

"Hn."

"I spent my summers working on preservation projects," you explain. "You can find a lot of things in Archives. Half the art in the manor was either stolen cheated for." You snort in spite of yourself. Not that it mattered, really but- there was something satisfying about knowing your husband didn't know that.