#these two just have very dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamic for a good bit

[infernal-lamb]

i’d love to hear more about neves if you’re comfortable sharing :Dc

its so funny to get asked this knowing that I can't reveal too much about Neves without spoiling a bunch of things from my fic, despite that I would love nothing more to spill all her lore......what I CAN tell you is that she was sent to the Lands of the Old Faith for a very particular reason and she's kept safe by the Lamb for a reason too. She comes from a pastoralist/agrarian upbringing and spent the entirety of her life in this profession (hint hint). Livestock, land cultivation, and the demoralizing poverty in a society that does not value such work and considers it a degrading role for outliers! you know, the usual. She talks like a farmer and a butcher, which is how u get silly stuff like THIS happening when she's getting to know the Lamb and their Flock:

(She's talking like a butcher here, which obviously is off-putting for the Lamb, mostly because they can't quite gather context, and she does....make a lot of jokes like this but. She's just human you know!)

Neves is firm in her convictions and is stubbornly attached to the idea of her own righteousness. She's just too smart to be misled.

She believes herself above indoctrination, of course.

She has too much wit

too much rebelliousness

She would never be a victim! That's Neves for you :) She'll survive the horrors.

[not-goldy]

Why do you think v posted that old pic of him and jk in hawaii during ays announcement and adding that romantic caption

You may forgot what he did, but i'lI never

Lol. I don't think anyone forgot

We've all always been sensing the drama we just couldn't figure out why.

And I feel for me it's kinda a bit stressful for me to have these conversations prior to without such blatant confessions from the members themselves.

Take PJMs always coming for saying things like well if JK is behaving this way or that way then it's because JM isn't giving him attention or doing XYZ.

They always accuse me of picking sides and blaming Jimin for everything JK does- but it usually is the case you know.

For those two they can be very childish and vindictive sometimes and they express their feelings through their actions.

I love that Tae said it out loud how JM's actions made him feel hurt. Sometimes though he is not saying it he shows it 😭

But people would rather assume evil intent behind his behavior, blame it on him being jealous etc any thing but that he's wounded in some way.

And this is why I kinda love Vmin dynamics. They can each be vulnerable with the other when things hurt them.

But Tae is not perfect. He is a cross between Jimin and JK when it comes to these things. While he is capable of identifying his emotions reflecting on his intentions and being self aware like JM he can also struggle with expressing those feelings and has a tendency to act it out much like Jungkook.

The difference is, I think JM is more forgiving of Jungkook when he acts out. He is able to intuitively discern why JK behaves the way he behaves and he is able to tolerate it and even help Jungkook articulate those difficult feelings.

Jungkook doesn't trigger him the way Tae's behavior triggers him and I feel he struggles with empathizing with Tae the way he empathizes with Jungkook or even other members.

I think if Tae and JK did something hurtful for the same reason he would be more forgiving and understanding of JK than JM.

And if I feel that is what Tae sees as a deficit in their dynamic. Remember I used to say in my other blog posts how Jikook are able to squash and get over their fights faster than Vmin are?

There's a lot of cognitive biases towards each other that gets in the way- I hate to be the one to say this but I don't think Jimin imputes good intentions behind Tae's actions most of the time.

Whereas if it were Jungkook, he would make mental excuses for those behaviors.

I don't think JM trusts Tae and his intentions and I think Tae wants him to trust him on that level.

Tae could be out here screaming I love you most, you are my soulmate my best friend - but I don't think JM deep down buys any of that. For whatever reason- I mean should we discuss that?? Are we ready to have that conversation now?👀 Because I have a few Ideas as to why.

I think Jimin is holding out on Tae and I think deep down Tae knows that and he reacts to that in both healthy and unhealthy ways.

I don't think JM thinks Tae is necessarily evil minded or have bad intentions towards him- but more of he's cautious of Tae. More of his inner lens for Tae is broken and a broken mirror will always reflect a broken image.

I remember having this discussion years ago with one other yoonmin shipper when BTS released Hold me tight.

I wish they have that conversation between the two of them once and for all- Tae needs to lay it all on the table, admit his has relational problems and needs someone who has a big heart and a strong sense of self to accommodate him without getting affected by his dysfunctions. Jimin has his own problems to deal with.

And it's the same thing that happened with him and Jungkook - Jungkook doesn't judge but dude was over it real fast and made sure they had enough boundaries between them from the get go.

But JM don't have an excuse to put up such firm boundaries. They are chingus. I guess he could maintain a professional relationship with him and maintain that coworker professional curtsey and leave it there- but then he would lose the one thing he desires most from Tae too- his ability to hold space for him.

Tae just needs someone who would match his energy. I strongly believe there's someone like that for him be it romantic or platonic. Shit he is my kind of person I can hold him down fuck him up when he fucks up forgive him and keep on with our friendship like nothing happened.

But most people can't deal with that. They'll just leave. Quit the friendship on him. He needs someone to hold him down.

And I feel Jimin keeps letting him down easily without letting him down at all🥴

Any who

[officiallralsei]

you've mentioned that you've been thinking about a specific au lately on the blog 👀 whats the deal there

well me and @gasterofficial were talking about what would happen if gaster's version of ralsei WASN'T successfully made to be able to handle eldritch knowledge. I've discussed it before on the blog, but I have the headcanon that the light can literally burn darkners who aren't prepared for it. (this comes from spamton having quite a bit of dialogue implying that he was burned/changed in some way by the knowledge he gained.) in blogverse canon, ralsei's got very sensitive eyes because he's still recovering from his initial exposure to that knowledge.

so if he wasn't successfully built to handle more Light Exposure than your average darkner... the logical conclusion is that gaining too much knowledge would blind him. after researching, i don't think it would be full blindness as that's kind of rare, but it would impair him badly enough that he would have trouble navigating on his own.

this is a problem for gaster. he needs to have a darkner guide, and now he's got EIGHT busted little guys. ralsei's certainly clever and adaptable, but he is NOT used to functioning blind just yet and there's not much time left before the game absolutely needs to start. a functional guide is a critical necessity to save the world of deltarune. and gaster just does not have the resources to try again.

so, out of luck and out of options, gaster becomes the worlds worst Ghost Guide to assist ralsei in his Actual Guide duties. guy who tells ralsei about his surroundings and also never shuts the fuck up. and is also his ghost dad who can't be perceived by others unless they're in a truly liminal space.

so what arises is a truly dysfunctional and codependent parent-child dynamic between these two. gaster likes ralsei but like... never really gives him room to make decisions on his own since hes constantly telling him what to do. ultimately he believes ralsei just kind of has to be a means to an end, no matter how much personal affection gaster has for him, due to the nature of ralsei being Born To Save The World, and that makes their relationship deeply unhealthy. meanwhile ralsei, who is a bit traumatized from being Literally Scorched By Horrible Knowledge in the first minute of his existence, is pretty happy to just let himself be directed constantly by someone who is kind to him and appears to have his best interests at heart. he ends up being quite sheltered due to all this. plus gaster also keeps telling him constantly Not To Think Too Much About The Fucked Up Things so he's gotten good at that.

thematically, the entire thing, at least for me, is another lens through which to look at deltarune's themes of agency and personhood. children, particularly disabled children, frequently have their personhood and agency denied to them because of the idea that they aren't capable of handling themselves. that's not to say that children and disabled people don't need SUPPORT, of course, but that support should be enabling them to make decisions for themselves when possible and appropriate, rather than denying them opportunities for agency. adding those particular lenses onto ralsei's canonical status as a darkner (which is a category of Unperson within the narrative) provides a lot of interesting ground with which to explore his emerging independence and self-actualization. also I just think its rad to think about weird Fucked Up Ghost Dad shenanigans

tldr:

[mangodestroyer]

I've been doing tons of research on how to spot and avoid toxic individuals.

During the past four years, I had sadly let two people into my life (ex roommate and ex gf) who have done some serious damage. And I don't want to ever go through that again. Trust me, I could go on for a long time about what happened between both of these people, and what I suspect could have happened if I stuck with them even longer. I was only around the roommate for four months, and the ex was long distance, and for nearly two years. So it wasn't ever close enough or long enough to see how much worse these relationships could have gotten. Even though I didn't have the sense to avoid them in the first place (I feel very stupid for overlooking the redflags), something eventually happened that made me realize I needed to cut contact with these people. But only after they'd done some damage.

For a while, I thought it was my fault. I thought that maybe I was so terrible, I just brought out the worst in others. I mean, my ex was so nice to me at first. My roommate was nice to everyone but me. So maybe I was the problem. Maybe that's also why I dealt with so much bullying at school, work, and at home as well. People were only trying to protect themselves from me.

But when I started doing research on toxic relationships, I realize that I had unfortunately gotten myself involved in all sorts of unhealthy dynamics, and it's likely because I grew up in a dysfunctional household.

But here's the thing: it's absolutely discouraging to hear, over and over, that any form of childhood abuse and neglect will make you a magnet for toxic people (who also usually have childhood trauma). For one, you start to, again, wonder if there's something wrong with YOU. You also start to wonder if healthy people just don't like you and if you'll always get stuck dealing with unhealthy relationships. What makes this even worse? I could win a bingo game with how many vulnerable groups I'm a part of. I'm neurodivergent, mentally ill, raised female, non-binary, bisexual, grew up poor (and am currently lower middle class), and Native American (my ex roommate and her boyfriend seemed to really have something against Native Americans). These are all groups predatory people go after. It's something I learned from listening to a psychologist discuss these dynamics and hearing other people's stories. They'll go after anyone they can get away with hurting. People don't care as much if this happens to someone who already isn't very respected by society.

And that's what leaves me even more discouraged. It's completely put me off meeting new people and starting friendships, or even relationships. Even if I could get myself a PhD in red flags, I now worry that it won't be enough to protect myself. And, nothing personal, but even when I don't get a gut feeling around someone, I still wonder if it's a good idea to get close to them because... idk, I seem to have a bit of a tendency to attract toxic people.

[5ummit]

Post-CATWS Winterbones Fic Recs

I truly never could've predicted the incredible influx of amazing winterbones fics over the past year or so, and I especially couldn’t have predicted the rise of an almost entirely new winterbones genre – Bucky choosing to return to his abuser Rumlow of his own free will – in the year of our lord 2022. Previously I said I wasn’t going to make a separate winterbones rec list, since most of my favs were already on my HTP rec list, but this delicious new HTP-adjacent genre really deserves its own collection.

Pretty much everything on this list will be some flavor of Bucky relapsing post-CATWS. While many of these fics may not be strictly considered HTP by some standards, rest assured they're still plenty trashy and Rumlow is still a Very Bad Man. If you’re looking for actual good guy Rumlow and tender handholding, look elsewhere.

Since Steve’s abandonment of Bucky in Endgame was undeniably a major catalyst for this genre and many of these fics were written in direct response to that event, I’ve split the list into two categories: fics that are canon compliant with and/or directly address the fallout of Endgame (some of which are NOT compliant with TFATWS) and fics that clearly diverge from canon before Endgame. I’ve also made note of any fics that feature The Gun, an intriguing bit of winterbones canon I recently discovered that's already made its way into multiple fics, much to my delight.

Blanket warnings for dubcon, unhealthy dynamics, violence, psychological abuse, victim blaming, non-negotiated kink, and dehumanization. Any significant additional pairings or kinks/tropes not covered by the blanket warning will be noted to the best of my ability, but please read all tags very carefully!

- - - - - - -

Endgame Compliant

Old Faces in New Places by SubverbalDreams Words: 44,600 Additional pairings: Steve/Bucky, Zemo/Bucky, Hydra Agents/Bucky Notes: noncon, whipping, torture, voyeurism

“The fuck do you want.”

That voice. A hundred, thousand dreams. Bucky’s lower half turns to water and he forgets how to speak for a minute.

“What, jaw ain’t workin’ after you been suckin’ off Wilson all this time?” Rumlow asks in a flat tone. “Fuck off, cyborg. Go back to your new handler.”

Something Broken [series] by Exorin Words: 23,350 Notes: The Gun, gunplay, object insertion, erectile dysfunction

"Oh now," Rumlow breathes, sounding just as caught off guard as Bucky feels - the other man’s deep amber eyes flicker from Bucky's face down to the gun in his hand, lingering there long enough that Bucky wants to let the weapon clatter to the concrete floor between them and turn tail to run.

Brock nods toward the gun in Bucky’s hand—the custom SIG Sauer P226 SCT.

"That mine, sweetheart?"

Crying Wolf by sparklingbinjuice Words: 9400 Notes: The Gun, gunplay

“You’re dead,” he says again, the words now more doubtful than decisive. The Commander Rumlow tilts his head, lips twitching into a twisted smirk. He looks vaguely amused.

“Well, that ain’t no way to greet an old friend.”

Untitled by barb-aricyawp Words: 350 Notes: caning

Rumlow opens the door. Without even really looking at Bucky he says, “You again.”

Bucky can’t meet his eye as he asks, “Can you do it?” And then, because Rumlow will make him say it anyway, he grits out, “Please?”

Until the blood runs clear by darthpumpkinspice Words: 4430 Additional pairings: OMCs/Bucky

Bucky shudders, disgusted with his own selfishness, furious at even contemplating the thought of finding a girl to play house with, some innocent woman he’d inevitably ruin.

He reopens the app, inhales a deep, steadying breath. Goes to his settings, selects “men only”.

He knows what he’s good for.

Make the call and take it all (again) by itallstartedwithdefenestration Words: 13,240

“I—” Bucky began, and Rumlow held up one hand: be quiet. Bucky shut his mouth instantly, without thinking about it. He remembered in Selby’s bar, how easy it had been to do things without thinking about them. To do them because he knew it was required of him, to have no will of his own, no power—

“You didn’t come find me for the first time in almost a fuckin’ decade to ask me about a serum,” Rumlow said.

Turn soonest to the sea by itallstartedwithdefenestration Words: 7040 Notes: The Gun, gunplay

His memory glitches. But he knows this gun. He knows that he knows it, in the same way he knows his functions, his languages, his directives. He picks the gun up; feels its weight in his hand (he does not trust himself to hold it with the flesh hand, which is still malfunctioning). He doesn’t know why the Commander’s gun is on the floor here when the Commander himself is not in the room.

(Heart rate increase: three bpm.)

Thoughtless Familiarity by sirtrash Words: 1750 Notes: CNC, gunplay

“I’m not going to tell you again, let’s go, soldier,” the commander said and the soldier had no choice but to obey now.

The soldier was not allowed to fight back.

A Certain Romance [series] by Exorin Words: 10,390 Notes: exhibitionism

“Ah-ah, no, not you Baron,” Selby says with a grin that shows too many teeth for Bucky’s comfort - she snaps her fingers and he straightens his posture, his spine going rigid as one of her bodyguards steps forward from the circle of heavily armed men around them; the other man moves to stand beside the couch, his darkened eyes the only part of his face that Bucky can see, the rest of it covered with a full black mask, “I think he’ll do nicely, don't you?”

The man's eyes are a deep amber; the colour of them make Bucky’s shoulders go instinctively tense.

His Vice by LadyLetterR Words: 3000 Notes: infidelity (briefly mentioned)

It had been a bad idea, letting him pay for his drinks, one after the other and it had been a terrible idea to follow after him, no, walk with him, to the motel on the corner in which he was apparently renting a room, closing the door behind the two of them.

It had been the worst possible idea to let himself be pushed onto Rumlow’s bed.

You’ve always known by Exorin Words: 750

The soldier finds his way back to Rumlow’s doorstep just under three months after Steve – tears-in-his-eyes, ‘what did you say about Bucky’ – Rogers finally fucks off and leaves his buddy alone for real and not just through neglect and indifference and his own stupid inability to actually help in the way that Rumlow knows the asset needs.

Good fucking riddance.

- - - - - - -

Pre-Endgame Canon Divergence

You held my hand and pulled me down (with you) [series] by itallstartedwithdefenestration Words: 127,000 Additional pairings: Steve/Bucky Notes: prong collar, whipping, waterboarding, infidelity

Assets were not built to make their own decisions. Secretary Pierce had been quite clear on that point, and the Commander was too. Sometimes, when the asset answered to that other name, he could pretend (convincingly) that he thought like Steve, and Steve’s friends: he wasn’t an asset at all, but a person, and was therefore allowed and even encouraged to make his own decisions. But it wasn’t the truth. It would never be the truth.

The Handler by SubverbalDreams Words: 39,850 (Incomplete) Notes: eating disorders, exhibitionism/voyeurism

“I’m—” can’t say ‘functional’, Steve HATES that word now “—feeling okay. I’m okay, S—Steve.” The asset’s heart is tripping over itself in an unsteady rhythm. He’d almost said ‘Sir’, another of Steve’s new forbidden words. He keeps changing the rules. Nothing means what it used to. Steve is the only one who could make this safe, but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t.

'Til the end of the line [series] by Exorin Words: 14,000 Additional pairings: Steve/Bucky Notes: Hydra sex tapes, voyeurism

"What is it?" Steve starts and Bucky wants to cry, wants to scream when the other man's thumb traces - too soft, always too soft - over his jugular before moving away to stroke across Bucky's cheek and then gently over his lower lip like the carefullest of caresses, "I'll give you anything you want."

You won't, is what Bucky wants to say.

You can’t.

Out with the new by seabone Words: 1780 Notes: daddy kink (minor)

Imagining the shock on Steve’s face soften into delight as he flips through each photograph and old sketch, now yellowing and fading but crystal clear in Steve and Bucky’s minds, Bucky almost, almost, overlooks the unmistakable flash of leather-black hair. Sharp jaw, eyes a strange pinwheel of green and amber that Bucky always remembers as daybreak filtering into the woods, littering its gold across a pack of angry wolves. He almost does. But he doesn’t.

Our Share of Night by anonymous Words: 3300 (Incomplete) Additional pairings: Steve/Bucky Notes: infidelity

Bucky knocks at the door and that’s a statement, because he could easily break in or break it to pieces, or just enter through the window unseen. He’s not here as an intruder, though. Today he’s a petitioner.

Bucky equally expects Rumlow not to open the door at all, to shoot him right through it or to burst out and challenge him to a fight. Neither happens. The wood creaks as the door opens a gap, the scarred grimace of a familiar face studying him. If he’s surprised, he does not let it show.

Quis Pro Quo by fallbekind Words: 6280 Additional pairings: Steve/Bucky Notes: voyeurism

A ghost of a smile flashes over Bucky’s face, making Steve’s stomach toil, and then Rumlow leans in and licks slowly across his lips. Doesn’t kiss, doesn’t linger. Claims him like a kid would a cookie, letting everyone know they touched it and now no one else wants it. As if Rumlow knows Steve is right there, crouching, watching pathetically on the sidelines, while his- his- Bucky, is being ruined by someone else.

[sophfandoms53]

I have so many thoughts about Evan’s recent comments on GOTF and idk if this is gonna come out in a coherent way but I wanna just ramble and get them out so... here we go.

Evan’s strategy when it comes to both Sonic and Tikal’s relationship, as well as Sonic and Shadow’s, appears to be through subtlety and small moments, and it makes sense, the comic has a huge plot going on that it needs to keep its focus on. So looking back, you can see those small moments and realize the undertones of them, it’s a very smart decision on Evan’s part to handle things this way. It shows the greater bond that lies within these three characters of her story.

Touching a bit more upon the subject on how she’s handled and described her intentions on Sonic and Shadow, that additional tweet made me think a lot, and how she pointed out the contrast between her take on Sonic/Shadow’s dynamic vs other romantic works of the two. Evan described the usual shipping dynamic as a “dark and passionate tone” while her’s leans into a more “trust and mutually healing” one, and I think that’s a really good take for her to have and execute. It’s also kind of a commentary on how the dynamic of sonadow has changed throughout the years.

Speaking just generally, not just GOTF, Sonic and Shadow as a relationship, in fandom, has had its ups and downs. The ship during the mid to late 2000’s, and I think many of us who have been Sonic fans for years can all agree with this, was filled to the brim with homophobic treatment, weird fetishization, and some times the ship was portrayed as just downright abusive. That was the heavily normalized version of Sonadow during this time, it was a joke ship, people laughed at you for genuinely feeling a relationship between Sonic and Shadow could actually work. If you weren’t being lowkey homophobic about it, fetishizing the gay ship, or having sonic and shadow abusing each other, you were made fun of.

But the times have changed. The internet and people have grown. A relationship between two males, whether hedgehogs or humans, is something that a vast majority of people support and would love to see be happy and healthy. You can see many Sonadow shippers nowadays being able to share the genuine ideas they have on how they feel a good version of Sonic and Shadow would work. They’re able to explore and create so many wonderful works of the two and not have that worry about being made fun by a majority of the sonic fan base anymore. This change has allowed us to see what a healthy relationship between Sonic and Shadow would look like and so many people just make it so damn wholesome.

And I think that’s also something worth talking about. The absence of portraying happy and healthy couples in media nowadays. Just like how Sonadow was normalized as a toxic ship back in the 2000s, relationships in stories, movies, and shows are still constantly portrayed as toxic and abusive and it’s normalized. The idea of not being able to trust your partner, constant fighting over nothing, gaslighting and manipulative behavior, is so heavily normalized in media and it’s gotta stop. Relationships that are co-dependent, that have one partner questioning their trust in their lover constantly, that have one partner not being able to speak up, that have both people yelling at each other over small things, that have unhealthy jealousy, that have one partner who promises to change and then constantly relapses into their bad behavior because they know their partner will stay, all of that, it’s not good.

No relationship should ever be that way, and it is frustrating seeing so many things in media portray relationships that lack basic trust and respect as healthy and functional, when all they are are unhealthy and dysfunctional, which again is not good and should not be normalized. This can also apply to unhealthy friendships as well.

So to see that Evan, a member of the Sonic community and a worker for SEGA, taking a ship/dynamic that was once portrayed as something negative, and transforming it into one that is filled with mutual trust, understanding, and the want for both parties to heal properly, it’s incredibly inspiring and heartwarming. You can see that throughout the issues that Sonic and Shadow do greatly care for each other, their friendship is healthy, they want each other to improve and grow, they push each other, and they truly do love each other, platonically or romantically, it doesn’t matter, they just do and it shows.

Those are the relationships that matter.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

How do you think the other band members (russel, noodle, possibly ace) find out about Stu and Murdoc's "relationship" (For lack of a better word...), and what is their initial reaction?

I can sort of vaguely recall trying to answer a similar question before, and I think it was similarly difficult then. The trouble is that I view both relational halves of this equation as mostly undefined and nebulous, both observable but neither immediately recognized as something with a clear line through: Stu and Murdoc have a relationship to each other but they are not "in a relationship," and the band's dynamics are between artistic collaborators and roommates, but not so directly "family."

I don't tend to involve the others too much because I do view their revolving door of connection and dysfunction as private, whether or not it is really as unknown as they think. I expect Russel and Noodle are perceptive in their own ways, but I don't see them as ever getting involved, nor do I see them as especially uh... invested in their coupling, for lack of better phrasing, haha. That isn't to say they don't care for Stu, or for Murdoc. I just think Noodle is too young for so long, and when she leaves, she is changed by her travels. She becomes quite serious and insular, unidealistic but not quite depressive. She is more adult than she ought to be, enough so that she probably wouldn't linger long on the prospect of Stu and Murdoc's relations. I don't think it concerns her. Russel I think always knows Stu and Murdoc are connected to each other in a way they aren't to the rest of the world, because he observed them in those very earliest days, and he's possibly been witness to some unhealthy drain-circling behaviour from the two of them-- but again, I just don't think he sees any good from getting involved. I don't view him as approving or disapproving, but I'd reckon he thinks it's unwise. I don't think he has any intention to really encourage it, but I don't exactly imagine him telling Murdoc to "back off" either. I like that he and Murdoc can be blunt with each other, but I don't really see Russel taking a protective role.

Ace is a bit funny because he's so out of the loop on their shared dynamics for the past 20 years. I do at times wonder if he ever knew. I don't expect Stu to say it, so it'd fall to his better mate Murdoc. I sort of like the notion that Ace knows how Murdoc can be, to an extent-- he knows Murdoc is manic and cruel, driven by ego and a world that owes him, he knows Murdoc is gluttonous-- but the way he talks now, and the way he references Stuart, is uniquely... shrinking to himself, he seems older, he seems less. Just overall less than he'd been once. And despite their separation during his tenure as bassist, he leaves with the impression that there's a lot unsaid to him.

A thoughtful friend recently said something to me that was so astute and affecting about the band dynamics, and it's so very relevant in explaining why I shy away from the found family aspect despite how wicked it probably seems to do so. They worded it in such a way that struck me right to my core. I'm paraphrasing, and not nearly so well, but in essence the thought was: It would be better to hear "I don't understand you because we're not that close" than "You are my friend, and I don't understand you at all." I hope they are alright with me sharing their words, but I've not stopped thinking about them since!

[fiore-rosewood9]

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

[inkykeiji]

hello, bby💞💞 i absolutely ADORE everything u write, ur insanely talented!! I wanted to ask, you’ve mentioned several pieces of art, precisely songs and films, that have inspired ur work; could u give us some music and movie recommendations that have similar vibe to some of ur fics??? Thank u in advance, I hope u have an incredible day/evening, lysm💓💞💖

THIS QUESTION OOOOOOOH YES ANON YES okay okay first of all, thank you so much!!!! i appreciate that a lot <333 YES i love film so much hehehe <3 my music recommendations are pretty much the same as they always are. the films i’m recommending here; i’m not exactly sure if they have a similar vibe to my fics as i’ve found it difficult to find many films that fit that criteria, but here’s a nice huge list of films that have influenced my main series’, and how!!

beware!! very long post under the cut hehehe AND POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR BMB IF YOU KNOW THE FILMS HEHEHEHEHE

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬

the godfather, part 1 + part 2

AAAAAAAAH okay, literally one of my favourite films of all time, the godfather (+ the godfather pt 2) is a fucking masterpiece. tomura’s close relationship with his father was both inspired by bnha itself as well as michael corleone’s relationship with his father, vito. michael is the golden child even though he’s the youngest, and i love love love how cold and ruthless he can be!!! he’s also super smart.

goodfellas

listen. if henry hill from goodfellas and michael corleone from the godfather had a baby, it would be tomura. he’s slightly more henry than he is michael, but his characterization pulls from both of these characters!! henry is fun, he’s reckless, he’s young, he feels like a god and he loves cocaine. henry also becomes very paranoid, a path with tomura is currently speeding down (albeit much more intensely, with legitimate mental health issues, but you get it). i also love the subtle ‘mafia princess’ trope goodfellas has going on with henry’s wife, karen (that scene where she says she’s going shopping and asks him for money, and he takes out that massive wad of cash?????? brilliant, one of my faves hehehe). henry also has some difficulty dealing with his emotions!!

narcos season 1 + 2

k, i can’t say too much about how this incredible show inspired bmb; i kind of feel like listing it is already giving away too much hehehe BUT i love the pure POWER pablo exudes, and i love his relationship with his wife and how family oriented he is.

scarface (both the original 1932 version and the 1983 version)

WOOOOOOOOOO OKAY. for the 1983 film: cocaine my friends. cocaine and violence and toxic relationships!!!!!!!  i kind of love elvira hancock more than anything else; she’s so glamorous and fun and just aaaaah she’s definitely not as ‘baby’ or ‘good girl’ as bmb!reader is, but her sheer class and cute dresses and just how SPOILED she is reminds me a lot of bmb! for both 1932 + 1983: tony’s relationship with his sister, gina (which tbh borders on incest). gina’s another one of those ‘mafia princess’ types, and tony is extremely overprotective of her and spoils her like mad, too. she’s also fits that ‘good girl’ archetype a lot more!!

reservoir dogs

purely the violence. the violence the violence the violence, the crude and crass way the men talk to each other, and the fact that they’re like a lil organized crime group put together by a boss. i am IN LOVE (IN LOVEEEEEEEE) with mr blonde (aka vic vega <333). mr blonde’s extreme sadism reminds me quite a bit of both dabi and tomura, and he’s even referenced in the lil torture piece i wrote!! also, you literally cannot tell me that vic wouldn’t spoil the absolute HELL out of his good lil princess if he had one <3

(not a film, but!!!!!) hamlet

break my bones is very very very loosely based on hamlet (which is my favourite story of all time. literally. i love hamlet so much i can’t even put it into words); with tomura as hamlet, dabi as a mixture of horatio and laertes, and reader as ophelia. hamlet, my precious baby, is a spoiled fucking brat, who loved his father and was loved by his father. he’s also very intelligent, but falls prey to his indecisiveness and his inability to make decisions, in addition to the rapid decay of his mental health. that’s all i’ll say hehehe

baby driver

the relationship between baby + debora reminds me of the relationship between dabi and reader a lot <333 i also just love the aesthetic of this film, and the undercurrents of organized crime!!

the shining

just a teeny tiny bit; i cannot say anything about this or i think it’ll give something away!!!!!

burning

trios!!!!! trios!!!!!!!!!!!!and the relationship dynamic between jong-su, hae-mi and ben??????? absolutely incredible and reminds me quite a bit of the dynamic between tomura, dabi + reader!!

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐀𝐔 (𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞) + 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐲𝐚-𝐧𝐢𝐢

i’m grouping these two together, because a lot of their influences overlap in terms of dabi + reader’s relationship!!! (i’m pretty sure we can all agree that touya-nii is so fucking Daddy, too <3)

true romance

i fucking love this movie, so so so much. i’d go as far to say that clarence and alabama’s relationship has without a doubt inspired or influenced every single romantic relationship i’ve written in at least some way, shape, or form. i LOVE them. i love their co-dependency on each other, i love their whole ‘it’s you and me against the world’ vibe, and i love how far they’re willing to go for each other. also, again, organized crime (no surprise), and alabama is just the cutest fucking thing i swear to god. that scene of her + virgil in the hotel room will forever be one of my absolute FAVOURITE scenes in cinematic history. i would die for this woman i love her more than anything. she’s so cute yet so strong, so brave, so IN LOVE, and aaaah that is just one of my favourite characteristics ever ever ever. i love women who are soft and strong at the same time, even if that strength isn’t physical.

sid and nancy

hello to one of the most famous toxic relationships ever!!! honestly, i don’t think i have to explain this one much LMAO. obviously my readers aren’t as hardcore as nancy and almost always fall into the ‘innocent good girl’ category, but their RELATIONSHIP itself reminds me quite a bit of the relationship between touya-nii and his princess <3

bonnie and clyde (1967)

ahahaha yet again, another very toxic, very co-dependent type of love. like clarence and alabama, i love how these two are literally willing to die for each other—they’d go straight to the ends of the earth for one another, no questions asked. this type of love is extremely unhealthy, obviously, but it’s something i am extremely fascinated with and love exploring in my work! also, that whole ‘fuck the world let’s commit crimes together’????? very tag you’re it dabi x reader!!!

pulp fiction

more specifically, the relationship between mia and vincent. the sexual tension there is fucking crazy, and i love how mia is yet again one of those ‘mafia princess’ types. really, this film applies to bmb as well, but i’m putting it here because the way vincent gets so so SO soft for mia reminds me of the way touya-nii and dabi in these two series in particular get soft for their readers. also, to a lesser extent, the relationship between butch and fabienne. i know a lot of people don’t like fabienne and get annoyed with her, but i think she’s just the cutest thing and i heavily relate to her and her babie/crybaby nature <3 and of course, the relationship between pumpkin and honeybunny (for tag you’re it especially!) <33

breathless (a bout de souffle)

there’s just something about michel that reminds me of touya-nii SO much. i think it’s a combination of his attitude as well as his petty life of crime, and the way patricia hides him in her apartment...i don’t know, it’s difficult for me to put into words, but i love him a lot <3

𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

the joker + harley quinn: i feel like this is so obvious LMAO but i’m obsessed with the idea of that all consuming voracious love that borders on serious obsession. extremely possessive socio/psychopath and his dumb lil baby????? yes <3 (**i also wanna make a note to say that harley isn’t dumb AT ALL, but J will often insult her in such a way, and sometimes the men who write her portray her as such as well >.> but harley is one of my favourite female characters ever. i LOVE how girly and fun she is while still being extremely strong and (sometimes, depending on the version) independent. she isn’t without flaws, and i love how her mr j is basically her kryptonite <3)

speaking of batman, bruce wayne: what can i say, i just love spoiled rich men who have serious issues dealing with their emotions and walk the line of good and evil <33333

anakin skywalker/darth vader: listen, anakin was seriously slighted by those prequel films. but underneath all of that bad writing, at his core, anakin is a fantastic character. he is SO strongly governed by his emotions and is extremely selfish, and his love for his wife and family is ultimately what leads him down the path to the dark side <3 his emotionally charged motivations remind me a lot of CANON dabi!!!

thelma and louise: i just love their relationship, like, a lot hehehe. their relationship and the ending of this film reminds me a lot of my snowman & me; just yet again that whole ‘it’s you and me or it’s death’ type thing.

the darjeeling limited: it should be obvious at this point that i love trios, and i love complex characters and the relationships that come along with them. the relationship between the whitman brothers, the dysfunctional family, the truama and sadness...i love it all. this film is absolutely beautiful and really doesn’t connect much to my work other than the character dynamics, but i love it so dearly.

mad men: again, those misogynistic toxic relationships and the dependency betty has on don for the first few seasons!! also my god, the aesthetic, i am obsessed.

twin peaks: this hasn’t shown up too much in the work i’ve posted on my blog just yet, but i’m head over heels in love with the dreamy unsettling feeling that saturates this entire series, as well as the drugs and crime. also dale is my baby, protect him with everything <3

blade runner (both films): for city aesthetic

suckerpunch: an absolutely awful film but also one of my guilty pleasures, purely because i love babydoll so so so so so much <33 again, more for aesthetic than story.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂

honestly, my music recommendations are exactly the same as they are in this post right here. lana del rey, lil peep, chase atlantic + the neighbourhood are the four that i’d say influence my work the most tho, and have the most similar vibe to my stuff!! also, nicole dollanganger is an incredible artist and lyricist, and i’ve been told more than once that my work and her work are quite similar (which i agree!!!). her stuff is hauntingly beautiful, but i have a lot of difficulty listening to it because it hits a little too close to home and makes me cry literally every single time. so please be wary of that, i’m giving a general trigger warning for her because she can get quite dark. but her work is absolutely fantastic, i highly recommend as long as you feel that you can handle it!!! <33

AAAAAH I KNOW I’M MISSING LIKE A MILLION THINGS I SWEAR but these are the films (and tv shows) + artists that readily come to mind!! thank you again for your question anon, i love stuff like this so much and i love discussing films and art hehehe <33

[mythoughtsaretroubled]

Haven and Leverage and OT3s

Leverage has such a competent ot3 and Haven had such a dysfunctional ot3… honestly it’s almost like they are on opposite ends of a spectrum

Spoilers for both shows ahead

Obviously, Leverage has the better ot3. For one, the creators confirmed they are canonically in a relationship. Secondly, they are all alive in canon. Third, they communicate, which may sound wild but it’s true. 

But Haven… Haven has the perfect set up. A more traditional love triangle, where two men are in love with the same women with the added bonus of a complicated history and amazing chemistry. So it’s right there. Dare I say, it could have been epic. But instead of growing together as individuals and as partners, they form a very unhealthy relationship with no established boundaries where not everyone is viewed equally. 

(disclaimer: I actually haven’t finished s5 of Haven, although I do many spoilers. I’ve also been in the fandom for a significantly shorter period of time.) 

So here is a look at what Leverage did to succeed and Haven did to fail. 

(this got very long) 

In Leverage, Parker and Hardison have the traditional romance in Leverage. They don’t rush into a relationship and Hardison respects Parker’s boundaries. He repeatedly let’s her know that he is her friend and her partner and never makes her feel uncomfortable about their relationship. In season 1, The Stork Job, when Parker expresses self doubt, Hardison tells her he likes how she turned out. He also tell her that their crew is “a little bit more than a team,” a line she repeats back to him at the end of the episode. His support of her has been unwavering from the start and he has never made her feel like she should be anything other than herself and never uses his feelings for her to manipulate her or guilt her into any choices. 

Parker’s support of Hardison looks different. She constantly talks about how smart he is, how competent he is, and at one point, how empathetic and good he is. She admires him and respects him. She brags about his hacking skills to even Nate, who knows how competent he is. He is the first person she calls for help to contact the team in The Inside Out Job. She trusts him and he has given her every reason to and never doubt him. They are stable and consistent and neither one prioritizes their feelings over the other.

Now we add in Eliot, and his relationships with Parker and Hardison. Eliot and Hardison bicker like an old married couple, but when they are in a serious situation, they work together and trust each other’s abilities and take the lead from the other when the situation calls for it. While they might tease each other and snipe at each other, it’s never with any malice. They don’t manipulate each other and have honest conversations. They also grow more open with physical affection, when Eliot is at first shown adverse to it, he knows it is comforting to Hardison, and even a few times, to himself. And, like with Parker, Hardison never pushes Eliot into any vulnerable positions and instead allows Eliot to know he is there for when he wants to open up further, like in The Low Price Job, where Eliot shares his past with his dad with Hardison. They also trust that the other will help them if they are ever in need, full stop. And if there is a shared adversary, they always gang up on them together, like with Sterling, although they do this as early as The Homecoming Job (1x02). They never doubt they other is on their side. 

Eliot and Parker have a relationship that reads the least romantic to the outside observer. They don’t have many one on one scenes, unlike Parker and Hardison and Eliot and Hardison, but they do have more in common with each other than Hardison. As the hitter and the thief, they have the most physically demanding jobs and the darkest pasts. They also have the most implied trauma in their past, Parker in her childhood (see The Future Job) and Eliot in his life as a solider (see The Experimental Job). They understand the darker side of the other because they share that. In The Long Way Down Job, Parker tells Eliot she wants to do the right thing. And Eliot tells her that looking out for themselves is not a bad or wrong thing. He says, “it’s what makes us us.” He doesn’t make her feel guilty, he just states facts, which Parker understands. Their bond is incredibly strong and filled with understanding. 

As a team, all three of them work together. They have inside jokes, they spend time together outside their jobs, 

Their relationship started with respect for how competent each was at their job, which grew to trust, and then grew to love. They became a family. There was no jealousy of their relationships with each other, no one tried to undermine the relationships of the other two. And while they may not spend much time on screen talking about their relationships, we do see them have very important conversations that explicitly state their feelings, which are supported by what we have previously seen. 

Now Haven. 

Audrey and Nathan start out as adorable. They have a friendship where they tease each other and push each other out of their boundaries, but always with their support. They are great in season 1 and season 2. They even support each other’s romantic relationships (ie Jess and Chris). There are hints of jealousy, like in Roots, when Nathan is a little on edge that Audrey is with Chris, but nothing outward and toxic. But here’s where it starts to go off the rails. As cute as it is that Nathan can only feel Audrey, he becomes fixated on her (who can blame him, he’s touch starved). While this isn’t a big deal in the first two seasons and rather a romantic tidbit, this friendship and fixation turns into an obsession by season 3, so much so that he takes away agency from her. Now she does start by pushing him away when she finds out she is leaving in a certain amount of time, so she is also to be blamed. The lack of communication between them goes both ways in season 3. And he starts dating Jordan, while still prioritizing Audrey during their relationship. So much so, he cheats on Jordan with Sarah, the previous incarnation of Audrey. While there is an ongoing level of trust and respect between them, the lack of communication in season three completely derails their relationship, causing Nathan to reverse Audrey’s decision to go into the Barn by shooting Agent Howard and then trying to convince her to shoot him in season 4. 

Their relationship would have been more meaningful and powerful had we seen them stay partners who leaned on each other and listened instead of bulldozing over the other’s choices and acting like their love was justification for doing bad things. 

Onto Audrey and Duke, who were set up to be the foil to Nathan and Audrey. There are episodes in season 1 where Duke is absent. They were set up to fail. And despite Audrey’s affection towards Duke, she takes her lead from Nathan and uses her power as a police officer to get him to talk to her from the beginning. While she eases up on using her power as an officer, she does use his feelings for her to manipulate him, like in The Farmer, where she guilts him into killing a man. The narrative pushes this idea that Duke has unrequited love for Audrey, and then shows how she uses his feelings. While we see them trust each other, Audrey proves she doesn’t respect Duke to make his own choices. Duke is also expected to put Audrey first and himself second but condemned whenever he tries to put himself first. Their relationship has a huge imbalance and is quite unhealthy in the later seasons. 

Their dynamic could have been solved if Audrey spent more time considering Duke and his point of view instead of her own perspective and the greater good. If she acknowledged his feelings and they communicated what they wanted and needed from each other, they would have been a solid couple. 

Now Duke and Nathan are up next. Out of all the dynamics, this had the most wasted potential. Even ignoring the fact that they are not acknowledged in or out of verse as romantically involved, there is a fair amount of what can be interpreted as queerbaiting. Ignoring that and looking at what happens in canon, Nathan and Duke have an undefined history. Duke carried Nathan to the hospital when he broke his arm and they were 8. The same year, Duke bullied Nathan by putting thumbtacks in his back. Duke also attempted to put a snake in Nathan’s locker when they were teenagers. That’s all we know about the events of their past of 25 years, so they don’t trust each other at the start of the show. They don’t respect each other and they certainly don’t communicate. However, there are moments throughout the show where we see them become friends and support each other, like in Resurfacing or Friend or Faux. Every time their relationship develops, Nathan reverts back to the grudges he held and the pain Duke caused as a child. In Sins of the Father, Duke rejects his father and tells him he stands with Audrey and Nathan cause they are his friends. Then we see in 301 that Nathan got the tattoo that is supposed to be on the man who kills Duke. All of their moments are undermined by not acknowledging their growth and reverting back to the dynamic they had in the beginning of season 1. By season 4, when they are finally consistently friends, Nathan takes Duke for granted and invalidates his feelings and his relationship with Audrey, particularly by claiming Audrey loves Nathan most so killing him would destroy the Troubles. 

If their relationship had steadily progressed instead of consistently regressing for the first three seasons and Nathan had valued Duke as much as Duke valued his, their relationship would have thrived. and could have been one of the foundations of the show. 

None of the dynamics within this trio are healthy, and together they only exacerbate each other’s flaws. If they had grown together, progressed as a team, trusted and respected each other, and communicated their feelings, as an ot3, they could have been unstoppable, even without canon confirmation. Not to mention, Nathan and Audrey often worked as a unit and then clued Duke in instead of him being included from the start, creating unbalanced power dynamic and fostering jealousy and exclusion within. 

The relationships in Haven were not treated with the same respect and consistency as the ones in Leverage so the negative emotions overflowed the positive ones and never let the characters flourish in their relationships. However, the essence of their dynamics and many of their scenes lead viewers to find solace in fixing these dynamics and letting them flourish in fanfiction the way they never did in canon. Haven had all of the potential and none of the follow through. In Leverage, the characters came first and the relationships came second, which made the relationships richer and more dynamic as well as stable. There was also more consistency in how they developed. 

While all relationships, ot3s included, should be unique, if creating the one in Haven had looked to Leverage for guidance, there could have been more hope for a functional and healthy dynamic within the show. 

please feel free to comment, add or contradict me, I’d love to hear other people’s thouhgts. 

tagging: @leverage-ot3 @clearskiesandmistyeyes @honoraryplantking @kitsparrow @abstractfondness @music-rider @would-we-be-friends-if-i​ @doctortreklock​

[violexides]

fic recs (part 1?)

hi!!! so @n3tn0b0dy sent me an ask about fic recs, and i am stupid so it took me a few mins to like. compose myself and figure out what this is. i am definitely absolutely going to miss a few fics here, which is why it is a part one. i will probably keep this short-ish??? maybe go into more detailed ones later :eyes: 

(i am realizing i am going to write essays for these and for that i am very sorry)

something close to domestic, maybe by @mystxmomo (hi!)

definitely one of my favorite danganronpa fics, currently and (probably) forever. it’s a mature rated kamukoma fic, following an AU in which, instead of the remnants being captured and taken to jabberwock, despair sort of... fizzles out on its own, leaving the remnants of despair-- and the rest of the world-- to sort of heal with it. it’s in a series with another fic, that is in the same universe but following a different narrative with different central characters, and though it only has one chapter rn i highly rec that too. 

i like this fic for many reasons and to avoid prattling on, i will bullet point it.

- easy to follow. there are not overly complex structures-- not that that is inherently a bad thing, i also tend to love that style-- which makes it easy to digest.

- strong emotional impact. this fic has made me cry very, very often.

- really good characterization. mystxmomo is very good with characterization overall, especially with kamukura and servant, and that really shows with this fic.

- a compelling plot that still retains a slice-of-life format. i don’t really know how else to elaborate here.

- an idiosyncratic look into their dynamic. this fic explores kamukoma in the process of them healing, which is pretty distinctively different to a lot of kamukoma fics. obviously, this is not to shade those other fics, but, yeah. i really like it. 

okay sorry for rambling very much there, i really highly recommend it, it is a ongoing multichapter (i should have said that earlier i apologize) and the writer is also very cool. 

--

postscript by zombiekittiez

this is actually a series. it currently has three fics-- one that is fully completed (defy you stars), one that is a completed oneshot (supersonic man outta you), and an ongoing multichapter with pretty frequent updates (prince of a thousand). this follows a post-SDR2 storyline, with a lot of ships and dynamics within it, but heaviest emphasis on komahina. 

more bullet points! yay 

- the characterization is god-fucking-tier. this author is very, very good at characterizing these characters and i will not shut up about it ever actually. they feel real, and distinct, and flawed, and alive, and i love everything about it.

- good exploration of dynamics! i think the latter two fics especially shows this off really well. the friendships and relationships built are all pretty different from each other, but all feel like a pretty natural progression, sticking true to the characters, and feels very... real. which i like a whole hell of a lot.

- there are so many literature references and i am happy about it. there are also sparknotes-ish things at the ending notes of each chapter, which translates the quote, explains the significance within its own text, and applies it to the fanfiction. they are used in ways that make sense, too-- they don’t feel forced.

- the plot and plot building is SO fucking good. prince of a thousand has so many cliffhangers and i am very happy but also dying.

anyway, i really rec this series! be mindful of the tags and the ratings on some of the fics, but they are really, really good reads. 

--

absent mind by galaxyaqua

okay. this is a v3 oneshot rec, exploring pregame rantaro, as well as his relationship with tsumugi shirogane. it’s rated “teen and up audiences”, and. holy shit, okay.

- the writing style of this is GORGEOUS. i don’t know what it is about the writing style, but it feels so much like rantaro is talking, which is so fucking cool, and i love that so fucking much??? i can’t even explain it, but it is seriously super neat. 

- the EMOTIONS. this fic is so fucking emotional, honestly? it shows you this realistic, flawed, you could consider broken, character, shows them finding some hope, and shows the loss that comes with that. it’s so fucking incredible, and the lines have stuck with me even now, and it’s been a bit since i’ve last read. i think about the last couple lines especially a lot.

- these impactful one liners. holy shit. every line means something in this fic, and it’s so fucking cool and incredible, and i just??? holy shit??? i really love this fic???

i will say that this fic is sort of depressing in places, but i highly, and i mean highly, recommend. it is not a super difficult read, and it’s super, super fucking good. so i really recommend it. 

--

this sickness will save us by starrylitme // i believe this is @magioftheseas i am super sorry if it isn’t

okay. super, super fucking big content warning. this fic is a yikes, and the tags can sum it up a LOT better, but yeah. just keep that in mind. 

that being said, this is a really gorgeously written oneshot centered around soulmate au kamukoma, exploring the sort of... unhealthy aspects of their relationship. and i. Wow. okay.

- these fucking one liners. holy SHIT. i remember some of these scenes and lines so very well, and it does live in my head rent free. 

- the tone of this. the tone, and the mood created, is so fucking... i don’t even know how to describe it. terrifying? eerie? super fucking intriguing? it shows this shitty situation in an appropriately terrifying light, and it inflects so much emotion and connotation into the scenes, and holy shit. like, if i wanted to do a case study of incredible tonal work and diction and all, i would absolutely grab this fic.

- the characterization. while kamukura and komaeda are placed in a very interesting predicament, they still manage to stay pretty damn close to being in character, which i personally think is super remarkable. it almost enhances the circumstances too, ngl. 

- their dynamic. their dynamic in this fic is NOT healthy, and that is shown in full “glory”, in a very messy and dysfunctional and terrifying way, and i absolutely love it. it has a kind of realism to it, almost a cautionary tale but not quite, a sort of “this isn’t very good but it still feels grounded in realism”. and wow. Wow. it’s so fucking good.

mind the tags, but definitely rec this one. 

-- 

some scattered accounts i will gush about and if they have a tumblr account i will do my best to tag it. 

@kidcarma, same name on ao3. 

- okay, cam is just super fucking talented with characterization, and i adore all of their fics so fucking much? the way they characterize komaeda, kamukura, and hinata resonate super hard, and i just. really love their stuff. they are also absolutely wonderful so please support them do it why aren’t you doing it just kidding haha unle

@celestial-nova, celestial_nova on ao3

- nova is my best friend and i fucking love her, also her writing is fucking art. does a lot of naegiri and some stuff out of this fandom, but i seriously recommend her stuff. she’s really fucking talented and absolutely incredible and i adore her so very much. 

sinnohremaker on ao3

- their stuff is MAJORLY cathartic to me and they are also super sweet, love them a lot.

shutupnerd on ao3

- SHE IS REALLY TALENTED, I LOVE HER WORKS!! they are also super cool and i just appreciate her a lot fksdc,mxv, her fic “an account of events” is really good

@whatsupscythia, hinataisnothim on ao3

- i fucking love her writing, does some really good hinata prose, highly recommend it

----

i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting people, i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting fics, and i am ABSOLUTELY going to bash my head into a wall when i realize i have forgotten people, but uhm here is an impromptu list. i hope this was good? idk how to do fic recs. uhm yes support all these people they are dope

[ilikemythinksoverhard]

Moana’s mom has not gotten nearly enough credit or analysis.

Let me lay out a little generational family dysfunction for you. It starts with Moana’s grandparents.

It has been a rule for at least a dozen generations (based on the rock pile) that “no one sails beyond the reef”. Presumably, each chief has enforced that rule. Certainly Chief Grandpa did, or else Moana’s dad wouldn’t have had to sneak out with his best friend.

Can you imagine what kind of family dynamic was created when Grandma, the chief’s wife, openly incited defiance of this rule? Over and over? Publicly? Here’s a clue: Moana’s dad. Look at his approach to conflict and disagreement. Aggression. Humiliation. Inconsideration. Shouting down.

Now let’s add Moana’s dad’s shifting loyalties. As a young man, he clearly bought into the story of Maui and the heart of Te Fiti. He loved the sea. He loved his mother and her stories. What was his relationship like with his dad then? We can’t know for sure, but I’d advocate that as a young man he very likely had a great deal of resentment for his dad’s strictness and bullying behavior. Eventually, this culminated in the great sneak out with the best friend.

And here we have some serious trauma on an already brittle family. We get only the briefest statement of facts from Moana’s mother: they failed to reach the open sea and the friend drowned on the attempt. We know this caused a complete 180 in dad’s worldview and shifted his allegiance from his wild and whimsical mother to his straight-laced and exacting father. But imagine the days, weeks and months immediately following this event.

The initial discovery of the rebellious act and resultant death. In this small community, everyone likely would have known the victim and his family. Who had to tell the parents? Chief Grandpa? Grandma? Moana’s dad himself? How would the community have reacted to the chief’s heir behaving this way? Would they have ostracized him? Would they have blamed his mother and ostracized her? Did dad blame Grandma, or only himself? We can only guess but there are no good answers. The wounds from this time never heal. Mother and son’s relationship is never the same.

Enter Moana’s mom. We don’t really know for sure, but I speculate that she knew dad and the best friend very well. Probably she and dad are already courting romantically. I believe she had a front row seat to every bit of that. I bet she had her own secondary trauma and grief from the loss of the friend as well as watching the suffering and transformation of the man she loved.

And she made her first courageous choice: she loved him through it. She stayed the course. She carried both versions of him in her heart, making her a very nuanced and effective partner. She’s able to see not just his behavior, but the context and intention because she doesn’t just know - she witnessed.

But there is a price. There may be a very reasonable cause for Moana’s dad’s behavior, but that doesn’t make it right. He adopts all the behaviors he used to resent in his own father. He can’t stand to be challenged, criticized, or confronted. He doesn’t believe conflict can be resolved because of his experiences, so he simply does not allow conflict at all. Because she knows him so well, Moana’s mom is understanding and patient when he treats her this way. She learns his ticks and how to gracefully dance around his triggers. She learns how to choose battles and when to resign herself. And they love each other. So it’s ok for while.

But then she has Moana. And as Moana grows, her mother’s role becomes very complicated. She is constantly running interference between her husband, his mother, and their daughter. She is constantly making excuses and second guessing herself. She is constantly doing damage control. She lives in bomb-diffusing mode, ever on the edge of a meltdown. And while she is doing that she also has all the bonus responsibilities of a chief’s wife. The emotional labor she is throwing down is unreal. The cognitive dissonance is oppressive. Should she be disciplining Moana, or holding her husband accountable for his behavior? Should she be setting boundaries with her mother in law, or allowing her husband to do that?

Now Moana is a young woman balancing on the cusp of adulthood. Moana’s mom is undoubtedly proud and sad and afraid. Life is hard. And she has worked HARD to protect her little minnow. She has stood her ground with trembling hands and bit her tongue until it bled. She has measured her words and taught Moana as best she can how to survive in this family that is both living and fractured, in this community that is both stable and sick, in this role that is both privileged and stifling.

In a single day, Moana learns about their past as voyagers. Her soul is on fire and it’s like she’s forgotten everything else. She bursts into the meeting and just slams into every one of her fathers triggers in front of all the elders. “Restore the heart of Te Fiti! We were voyagers!! We can be voyagers again!!”

With every word Moana’s mom’s blood pressure must be rising. The tension roiling off her husband is palpable. People are visibly leaning away. This is it. The big one. Moana has no idea what she’s just done. This is going to be an absolute brawl.

In a matter of minutes, Moana and her father storm out of the tent...and then back in with a group carrying grandma. It does not take Moana’s mom long to realize that Grandma is not going to last long. She sees the looks on her husband’s face, her daughter’s face. Her heart is in her throat.

Moana leans over and Grandma whispers something to her. Moana’s eyes are full of tears as she backs away and out of the tent. Her exit is lost in the commotion: but not to her mom.

Moana’s mom KNOWS her daughter. She knows these people inside and out because she’s been sorting out every micro communication for the past two decades. And she knows what Moana will try to do.

Here’s what Moana’s mom does NOT know:

- whether her daughter will survive

- whether Te Fiti is real

- whether this will heal their island

- what her husband will do if and when he finds out

- what is the RIGHT thing to do

This moment right here is a critical character moment. A critical parenting moment. A critical plot moment. She can stop her. She can scream. She can beg. She can negotiate.

She allows Moana to make her first adult choice. She steps back from the protector role she has been playing for Moana’s entire life, and she treats her like an adult. Moana will reap what she sows, and her mother will not interfere. This is not about believing in Moana or supporting her, it’s about respecting her and recognizing her autonomy, even when her choice is not one you agree with.

This.Is.Love.

And it absolutely breaks mom’s heart.

Look at this picture.

I have babies. They are just babies right now. Right now, it is right and appropriate for me to protect them and guide them. But one day....and no one can tell me what day...they will grow up.

They may choose relationships that are unwise or even unhealthy. They may choose addictions or vices that threaten their health. They may choose living arrangements and communities that foster dangerous ideals. They may choose causes or careers that are questionable.

Right now, I can protect them from all those things. But when they grow up I will have to stand aside. And it will break my heart. But that is love!

If you had a parent who struggled to let go, I hope this helps you find grace. If you are a parent, I hope this made you feel seen.

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told and Update

CW: Spoilers for Baghdad Waltz up to chapter 36 and some non-graphic discussion of childhood sexual abuse 

Hello!!!

Wow, I am so, so sorry for falling off the grid like that. I thought I was going to have WAY more time in October/November to work on the fic and work on fandom stuff in general, but my professional life threw me a huge right hook and I got completely sidetracked for weeks. So I’m off schedule a bit, in terms of having the next chapter. I’m sorry for the delay. 

I’m done with the full draft of Chapter 37 (about 23k - “short” but emotionally very dense) and am working through final revisions now. However, I also had to do an extensive amount of 9/11-related research for it, and part of that research has been reviewing oral histories of New Yorkers from the day of the attacks, and I came to the shocking realization that much of the prologue is historically inaccurate. Moreover, it’s shamefully inconsistent with the way that New Yorkers would respond to such an event. I’m embarrassed by how shoddy of a job I did with it.

Thus, I’m also going to be rewriting the prologue and including more accurate details, both historically and in terms of character dynamics. I mean, there’s no way Bucky could even live in Brooklyn and be a first responder at Ground Zero! All the bridges and tunnels were shut down. Shame on me. There will be ripple effects throughout the entire fic. Sigh. This is just round one of the massive amount of revisions I will be doing to the early chapters of the fic, which I wrote years ago now. I was going to wait to post both at the same time, but I don’t want to make you wait that long. I’ll just give you a notification when I finish the prologue revisions, and it’ll be like a little bonus chapter.

Anyway, here are some asks! Starting with a two-parter

First, thank you for the kind words. I’m glad you’re finding this fic moving. It’s definitely an emotional rollercoaster for these characters, and my hope (I guess?) is to have that be a parallel process for the readers. I think you hit the nail on the head that this relationship is exhausting. And you’re also right that not everyone would have the perseverance to keep coming back to it. It would be so much easier to amputate, pack up and go home. But once these characters get back into each other’s orbit, it’s very challenging for them to not keep crashing back into each other. It’s partially because they just love each other so much, but it’s also because they have an unhealthy relationship dynamic that sets them up for these toxic cycles. This will become especially apparent in the next chapter. They love each other, yes, but they also use each other to fill the gaping holes and insecurities they have within themselves. And they’re horrible communicators to boot. It’s a perfect storm. But at least they are going to try out some of this therapy crap maybe…?? We’ll see!

Along a similar line…

Thank you so much. That is so lovely of you to say, and I’m happy that I have your trust with this story. That said, I don’t know if it’s weakness if you’re not willing to run yourself through a miserable gauntlet of suffering the way Steve and Bucky are doing in this story. Would we call Rikki weak for drawing a boundary and stepping away from Bucky when his alcoholism was destroying their family? Some people used other words, but I’m not sure if weakness is the thing that might make someone walk away from a relationship like this. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should keep slamming your face against the same wall until you’re black and blue. This is a highly dysfunctional couple, and these men have serious issues they are grappling with personally that make them ripe for this kind of relationship. Bucky is an open wound, crippled with shame, desperate to do anything to feel better. Steve has deep attachment injuries from his chronically ill mother and deadbeat dad, as well as major control issues, and he wants to latch on and fix and make right, and if he manages every variable just right, he really thinks he can do it. And then throw in a fuckton of PTSD and TBI and alcoholism and physical injuries on top of it. So no, I wouldn’t rush to judge yourself for not envisioning yourself gutting it out in this grim scenario. 

But I also think we can identify with at least one of these characters, and we can root for people who want to overcome the shit that life has thrown at them to be with the person they love. Because they really do love each other. There’s just so much noise that it’s hard to tease out the signal sometimes. 

Good call on Bucky being a notoriously unreliable narrator, and he’s someone who is likely to underreport his suffering. Aside from his war-related injuries and his psychological struggles, Bucky’s most symptomatic issues are his GI problems. He has both peptic and esophageal ulcers, which are slightly different creatures. Peptic (stomach) ulcers, in Bucky’s case, have been caused by H. pylori and exacerbated by smoking and drinking. The esophageal ulcer was most likely caused by an excess of stomach acid due to gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) and, once again, exacerbated by drinking. Both of these have led to nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite, and weight loss. They have really emerged since Bucky got out of the military and pursued drinking with renewed vigor. Though he wouldn’t know it at the time because he doesn’t keep up with these things, his GERD is very possibly linked to acute, high dose exposure to the exceedingly toxic “dust” from the collapse of the World Trade Center towers. It’s one of the most widespread chronic health ailments of those exposed, aside from lower respiratory problems.

And now for some heavy-ass questions from licketysplittt — see CW above.

Yes, I am going to talk more about the context of Bucky’s abuse for sure, so I won’t go into the depths here. But I will say now that you are absolutely right that he has complex feelings for his abuser. I think it would have been easy to write him as just being unidimensionally angry or ashamed, but I know that’s not the experience of everyone who has experienced sexual abuse. This is especially the case if the person who commits the abuse it is a family member or caretaker or friend or trusted religious figure or someone who’s not just a “stranger in the bushes” type. I wanted to try to capture that experience in this fic. Bucky has also been multiply victimized by multiple people over the course of his life, which adds to this complexity and creates an internal narrative for him. Like what does it mean that this keeps happening to him? This is also not an uncommon experience for people who have been abused as children. And there’s also the added piece of this that Bucky’s gay, right? So he’s got this very, very young sexuality that’s on the verge of blooming (your Disney sexuality perhaps, sitting close, holding hands, etc) and this older male is making sexual advances toward him, and so he might ask if this person “saw” something in him aside from his social isolation that made him choose him. These are certainly questions he’s tortured himself over. I will get more into all of this, I promise. 

Winnie and George undoubtedly knew that their kid wasn’t a very popular one. But perhaps they always knew that he was a kid who wasn’t destined to have many friends because he’s “sensitive” or however they would characterize him (I’m sure they had different ways of viewing him). And I think it’s important to take into account the type of household that Bucky was in and the way he would shape his behavior. George was this total wildcard — “Best Dad in the World” most days but a screaming, violent tyrant at these odd, unpredictable times that were fucking terrifying for everyone in his path. This is a house where it’s best just to shut up and create as few problems as you can, because you don’t want to be the one that dad is gonna flip his shit at. And so everyone is walking on eggshells and Bucky is going to get very good at lying about how bad things are. And oh! Jamie finally has a friend, how wonderful. There will be more details in upcoming chapters about how this all transpires, but I think the dynamics at home made it possible for a lot of this to happen. And you’re right that these were not the most skillful parents, and their marriage was very strained and stressful for everyone. And these fictional assholes also frustrate me! The emotional content can be hard to write. It’s one reason these past few chapters have taken me soooooo painfully long. 

Great questions! You are all so thoughtful and kind. Sorry again for getting so terribly sidetracked. I am going to keep plugging away at the chapter and at comments and asks. I’m optimistic that I will have the next chapter for you within the next two weeks. I am pleased with this chapter and hope you’ll like it. Thank you for being so patient!!! 

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E38 (October 16, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Taliesin Jaffe (and, as always, Dani Carr and... Tiny Corner Max?)!

Announcements:

The latest episode of Between the Sheets, featuring Daytime Emmy Award-Winning Sam Riegel (TM), aired last night and will be available on YouTube tomorrow morning. Sam: “I feel like this channel is mostly just you and me talking?” Brian: “Are you saying that everyone else is just riding our coattails?” Taliesin: “He’s also saying that you look a lot like Liam at this point, and he can’t tell the difference.”

Another episode of All Work No Play will debut this Friday on the Critical Role Twitch (uploaded to YouTube on Sunday). In this episode, Sam and Liam do yoga... with goats. TJ Storm and Travis Willingham guest star!

Next week the cast will be at London MCM! Taliesin: “I’m packing slightly more tweed.” Brian: “Gettin’ tweedy with it.”

There’s a new (harp music) Laura Bailey emote on the CR Twitch for subscribers.

@critrolestats for this week’s episode:

The M9 hit 150 natural ones in this episode. Number 150 was Jester’s acrobatics check to get away from the yuan-ti abomination.

Jester also set the record for the most natural ones in a single episode: 5. The previous record of 4 was held by Nott and Beau. Brian: “You guys remember these are not still going to charity, right?” Sam and Taliesin: “What?”

Taliesin was the one who helped Momlan glue on her elf ears. Taliesin: “I would be very nervous if my mom were going out there.” Brian: “Well, she’s got hundreds of years of secrets on you.” Taliesin: “Mom of the damned.”

Cad’s definitely been upset about being around undead; Taliesin’s rolled a few times to see if there’ll be a worse freak-out, but there hasn’t been one so far. “The notion is that there’s a direction things are supposed to move, and [undead] is something moving against the grain in an intense way. What’s the point of having an imaginary organized religion of any kind if you can’t have something they’re fundamentally against?”

Nott’s extremely far from her comfort zone right now, being outside the Empire, working for a captain on the sea who’s threatened their lives: “There’s snakes and lizards and... wouldn’t you drink, dude?!”

Given how much he’s been getting the shit kicked out of him lately, is there a breaking point for Cad? “Probably. I haven’t really finished nailing him down emotionally yet. I genuinely don’t know what zen people do when everything goes to shit.” Jester’s speech genuinely comforted him a lot. “Apparently Laura knew what to say.” Sam notes that the party hasn’t really had a chance to sit down and ask him questions about himself so far. Taliesin mentions that Cad’s been ordering drinks but hasn’t actually been drinking.

Nott’s fallen into the role of the mom friend mainly because nobody else has (everyone agrees that Caduceus is more of “a wise pothead”). Brian: “Everyone seems to have so much baggage right now. Half the people seem focused on just holding it together, the other half are focused on the mission.” Dani: “Somebody has to be the level-headed one.” Sam: “And why can’t that leveling force come from a three-and-a-half-foot insane goblin alcoholic?”

Once Caduceus levels out (he’s still a little shell-shocked), he’s going to realize that he’s surrounded by “unhealthy lunatics” and will want to do something about that.

Sam’s done some research about chemistry (although he wants to make more of a cheat sheet after Travis’ experience with sailing), knowing it might come up with Nott’s alchemy knowledge. Taliesin is trying to learn more of what Sam terms “that fungus shit”. Also tea, and zen. Sam: “I was thinking you should go to a morgue and see how bodies decompose.” Taliesin: “Oh, I have some experience in that.” 

(don’t worry; it’s just some friends in forensic anthropology)

Gif of the Week: Taliesin casts Detect DM Shenanigans.

“There was a certain order to the universe that he has come to expect, and it has been thrown into great disarray.” Cad was expecting the Epic Quest to save his home, but he wasn’t expecting the Mighty Nein. He’s mainly staying because of what Jester said about not necessarily needing to understand what’s happening right now. “He’s confused and trying his best to just let things happen, because that’s how the Wildmother works.”

Nott’s been surprised by some of the Mighty Nein’s actions, but so far she knows it’s out of necessity. She doesn’t view the incident on the docks as quite as bad as some of the others did---it was chaotic and based in self-preservation rather than actively causing harm. “But some of the other actions lately have been surprising to her.” Sam points out that she and Caleb did a lot of things to survive, and that she still steals a lot, and reminds everyone that she lives in a very morally grey area. She’s not thinking of leaving at this point, and all the high-stakes trauma has brought her closer to the group. “It’s a fucked-up dysfunctional family, but it’s starting to look a little bit like a family to her.”

Taliesin and Sam are both enjoying being moral compasses of the party this campaign, in major contrast to the previous campaign. Brian: “You were a teenage asshole. You were a teenage dirtbag.” Taliesin: “It’s so weird. I love it.” Sam: “Oh man. We’d better step up our game. If we’re the moral compasses...” Taliesin: “We’re like Cracker Jack compasses, we almost point north.”

Cad’s got a lot of abilities he just doesn’t use very often. “He knows that some of it is... rude? Death cleric, man, they’ve got some insane shit.” Cad doesn’t have the same opinions on life and death as most people. Brian: “How surprising.”

Taliesin is having “a ton of fun” playing Caduceus. “I love Molly... and the character. Too easy.” No, but seriously: “I loved playing Molly, but the nice thing I got to do with Caduceus that I didn’t get to do with Molly is we had an established group and I got to create a character that was useful to the dynamic both mathematically and emotionally.”

Sam: “Wait, is it twitch.tv or twitch.com? Oh my god, I’ve been putting the wrong links on my Twitter for like a year.”

Cad was very selective about who he told about Jamedi, and purposely didn’t tell Nott because he knew she’d tell others. Sam, trying to keep a straight face: “Nott’s nothing if not trustworthy.” He’s more surprised that Caduceus has figured that out already, given how little he knows about Nott. “Maybe it speaks less to Nott and more to Caduceus being judgey...” Taliesin clarifies that it wasn’t so much that Nott was untrustworthy, it was more than Nott couldn’t keep a secret. Sam, as a player, was shocked that the rest of the party didn’t instantly tell everyone that “we are being led through the jungle by a dead guy.” Taliesin points out that with two clerics (Brian: “well, a cleric and a battle Mercy”), they literally have a button they can push to make him go away if they need to.

Sam: “It seems like Fjord’s going into a real bad place without any information, and Nott’s there to support and make sure he doesn’t die, but it seems like a bad idea.” Taliesin: “This seems like a test of one’s soul, and Caduceus is on board but aware that this could go badly.” Taliesin also points out that the rest of the group isn’t aware of the creepiest stuff going on because they weren’t there for it.

Fanart of the Week: the group (sans Jester and Caduceus) inside Leomund’s Tiny Hut! 

Taliesin got recognized in public, and the fan immediately called out the two clerics for going off on their own in the middle of the night. Taliesin: “It was a good burn.”

Caduceus had some experience with fights pre-M9 (grave robbers, wildlife). Taliesin: “Have you ever seen Cemetery Man? Shit gets weird!”

There’s a brief interlude while everyone arranges a movie night. As you do.

Has Nott been feeling protective toward members of the Nein other than Caleb? Fjord is probably the next-likely candidate, followed by possibly Yasha. Sam: “Caduceus is just too tall.” Taliesin: “I feel that.”

Taliesin describes Lesser Restoration as “the aspirin of D&D”. He’s done some healing of illness before, but this has just been a bad time. Sam points out that in the last campaign they didn’t really have to deal with disease so much. “I assume it’s Bird Flu.”

Scanlan stealing the gun was messing with both Taliesin and Percy. Nott is interested in the mechanics of the gun, interested in the chemistry of gunpowder, and has already designed and manufactured one explosive arrow as a result. “But Nott has also noticed that there’s people with guns wherever they keep going, and it might be a good idea to have a gun. It’s a self-preservation thing. If that also happens to mess with Taliesin Jaffe, I’m not going to say no to that. I mean, the heart does what the heart does. If that happens as a result, we’ve all grown as people.”

They realize there’s about a four-foot height difference between Caduceus and Nott. Taliesin: “He squats.” Dani: “He’s got killer calves.”

Caduceus is very, very good at reading people. Nott doesn’t lie because of goblin upbringing, but more out of her travels with Caleb and having her first impulse to be to get out of any situation by lying to stall/delay/confuse. 

Taliesin: “Why lie to a plant?”

There’s a brief interlude about telling your plants inappropriate bodily measurements. As you... do? Brian: “I’m calling an Uber right now. I’m sorry. I’m done.”

Taliesin is collecting spells based mainly on what he can guess might be helpful. He doesn’t need a lot of damage-dealing, so focuses more on deflecting and healing. He’s picked out some feats he’s interested in to make Caduceus less likely to take damage. “That’s been a problem. I don’t like being hit.”

It is pointed out that all of Sam’s characters in the campaigns have had high intelligence and low wisdom. “That’s a pretty great winning combo for comedy.”

Legends of the Hidden Talks Machina:

Overwatch mains? Sam: “What’s a main?” Taliesin: “It’s like Quidditch...”

Taliesin is a support main, especially Zenyatta and Brigitte.

Brian is a D.Va main (woo!) and also plays a lot of Orisa.

Look, I gotta cheer on anyone who also mains D.Va. Those are the rules.

They agree that watching Sam play as Hanzo would be funny, but decide Roadhog would be the best. Sam: “Yeah. It’s Hog Noon. Is that what he says?” Brian: “Yep.”

What’s Matt’s character name?  Sam: “Tyrone McCabe.” Brian: “It’s close!”

Ghost stories? Taliesin: “I’ve been ghosted.” Sam: “I saw some raccoons in my backyard?” Taliesin: “I got attacked by a skunk when I was in my hot tub.”

Taliesin: “Now I’ve seen a ghost.” Past and present combine:

Taliesin has a 1930s stripey swimsuit, because of course he does.

What (harp music)-style sound cues would they have? Taliesin: The sound of building a temple in the original Warcraft. Sam: An... explosion? Brian: The sound of my mom’s tears because he never became a doctor. Taliesin: “I was thinking the Golden Girls intro.”

Goth advice for the week, courtesy of Taliesin: Best style eyeliner is eyeliner on day 2. Put on the eyeliner before the shower. Know if your choker’s loadbearing.

[beccaland]

What are your opinions on the RTD era's companions' relationship with the Doctor? 'Cos personally, they bother me a little sometimes, and I was curious what your opinion was.

Yeah, they bother me a little too. I’m actually going to share some thoughts about the characters themselves, as well as their respective relationships to the Doctor. Partly, I want to do that because not to do so would be an injustice to the characters. So, here goes.

Rose (and Mickey a bit, because you can’t really separate an analysis of their characters and he’s a companion too):

Rose is a charismatic character, and I think just right for relaunching the series. She’s young and displays many of the flaws of young people, yet in other ways is more mature than other adults, including her own mum–indeed Rose is often seen taking on a role of parenting her parent. While Jackie seems content to live off the dole, Rose has a job. It’s not a particularly good job, but she seems to be given a fair bit of trust and responsibility, probably above what her official position warrants, which suggests that she’s earned the admiration and reliance of her boss–and given her home life, that’s not surprising. Rose is clearly used to having to be more responsible than her peers. She’s vibrant, curious, compassionate, and brave.

She also takes advantage of Mickey’s affection for her, perhaps without realizing it (at least at first). She’s pretty judgy generally, and she’s not above using the Doctor as well. This suggests that despite (perhaps in part because of) being brought up by an emotionally immature parent and having to take on a lot of responsibility before she was really old enough to bear it, Rose is quite selfish.

Now, as to her relationship to the Doctor, meeting him does two things for her: it gives her an apparently easy escape from a life she feels trapped in, and it gives her the opportunity to develop a relationship with someone unlike anyone she’s ever known, who seems to see potential in her far beyond what any other person in her life has ever shown (especially Jackie and Mickey), and who is both willing and able to protect her and to care about what she feels and wants. Am I saying the Doctor started out as more of a parent-substitute than a boyfriend? Yes I am. Is that kind of creepy? I think so. But not necessarily more creepy than him being her boyfriend, given the age gap.

OK, so Rose gives Mickey a kiss and obliquely tells him “thanks for nothing” before swanning off with the Doctor. By the time she comes back, a year has passed for everyone she knows but just one day for her. This causes ENORMOUS problems for Jackie and Mickey in particular, and she does seem genuinely sorry (well, sorry to Jackie–she seems mostly annoyed with Mickey’s anger AT BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDERING HER. BECAUSE SHE RAN OFF WITH AN ALIEN). This gets swiftly brushed aside by alien shenanigans, and Rose swans off again–leaving Mickey apparently in some doubt as to their relationship status. The nature of her relationship to the Doctor is also left ambiguous at this point, but she’s clearly not thinking of him as “substitute for parental acknowledgement and affection” anymore. She flirts like crazy with Jack who flirts like crazy with both her and the Doctor and both she and the Doctor seem vaguely jealous of the other’s attention to Jack. Back to Mickey meeting them in Wales, who apparently STILL DOESN’T KNOW that Rose has basically dumped him, and does she make that clear? No, but the Doctor is acting more and more like a jealous boyfriend (and really doesn’t stop treating Mickey like garbage until the poor guy saves them and stays behind in Pete’s World, thus earning his respect, I guess, and also removing the threat), and none of this is Mickey’s fault. He’s astute enough to see, at least, that the Doctor and Rose’s relationship is destructive to others.

After the Doctor regenerates, they’re 100% in couple mode, with Rose referring to the events of S1E2 as their “first date” and the Doctor happily assenting to this characterization (has Rose actually broken up with Mickey yet? Honestly can’t remember, but I don’t think Mickey knew it if she had). The Doctor and Rose have a deeply codependent relationship. We might attribute this to her dysfunctional relationship with Jackie and the Doctor’s recent PTSD. They latch onto each other like needy puppies, and this isn’t a criticism, because there are really people who fit these profiles, and they are not bad people, and it does make for interesting characters and good storytelling, but it’s by no means a healthy depiction of a relationship.

Consider, for instance, that the Doctor tries to send her away (no doubt he felt he was making a noble sacrifice, but he did this against her clear and repeatedly expressed wishes, and with the complicity of Pete). Rose ignores the Doctor’s clearly expressed wishes and comes back, which, fair enough I guess, but it all ends in tragedy anyway. So what does he do? HE BURNS UP AN ENTIRE SUN just so he can say goodbye. I mean, I’m sure he verified it was not an inhabited solar system, but seriously. In that goodbye chat, he specifically tells her that they cannot get across the barrier between universes because “the whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.”

Does Rose accept the judgment of the person who is unquestionably the foremost person in either universe able to evaluate the risk of such an attempt? No she doesn’t. We learn in series 4 that even before the stars started going out, she was having Torchwood build a DIMENSION CANNON to P U N C H. A. H O L E. IN THE UNIVERSES!!! like presumably as many as it took for her to find the right one. Just so she could get back to him. AFTER HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT IS NOT WHAT HE WANTED. BECAUSE IT WOULD DESTROY THEM. This is portrayed as romantic rather than horrific. Seriously. And then he dumps his problematic clone on her and goes back to his own universe. SO ROMANTIC. Sorry, I try not to be rude about Rose’s relationship with the Doctor. I think it’s actually an interesting dynamic that makes sense in context, but it really bugs me that so many people view it unproblematically, and it bugs me even more that people don’t imagine both Rose and the Doctor growing out of it. Like, I can’t lie: I think that’s wacked and super unhealthy, in much the same way (though to a lesser degree) as the Twilight series and its fans are, except Doctor Who is still better-written and far more interesting.

That said, I’d be willing to read a well-written fix-it fic that depicts them growing out of their unhealthy codependent dynamic while staying together romantically. TBH I’d be more interested if it were Rose and Tentoo because then it would be canon-compliant, but I’m not too picky on that point. I AM picky about it not even remotely disrespecting the relationship the Doctor had with any other companion though. And it would have to have a whole “you were so obsessed with me that you were willing to destroy an unspecified number of universes, INCLUDING THE ONE YOUR FAMILY AND BEST FRIEND WERE IN, just to see me again for a brief period of time before this universe also collapsed WITH US IN IT and honey, that’s actually CREEPY AND GROSS even though I thought it was super sweet at the time, but in my defense the universe was already ending at that point anyway and you don’t have that excuse because in your case it was PREMEDITATED” conversation because otherwise I won’t believe they’ve actually grown as people. Also it’d be nice if it were funny more than angsty (but lbr you can’t write what I’m talking about without a fair amount of angst). So, y'know, if anyone has actually written that fic lmk.

Meanwhile, there’s MARTHA.

OK so I’m on record about how awesome Martha is. This is already getting long so I won’t belabor Martha’s total awesomeness as a character, but even though I got a bit tired of dysfunctional family relationships in New Who, it was novel to see them have any ongoing family relationships at all, and Martha’s was particularly rich, partly there were so many of them for her to interact with, thus revealing lots of different facets of her character. And despite her fractious relationship with them, she remained fiercely loyal, which was an interesting source of tension between her and the Doctor, and one that diverted attention away from the dental-drill painfulness of the unrequited love subplot.

It’s super gross that the writers made her hung up on the Doctor all the way through series 3. Not because it’s ridiculous for an intelligent, perceptive, professional young woman to be hung up on an emotionally unavailable man. No, that really happens to actual human beings (and again, possibly related to serious parental issues, so it’s not even without narrative justification). Handled with any sensitivity at all, it could have made for a lovely level of complexity. What really bugs me, and I’ve also written about this before, is how the Doctor treats her like GARBAGE, and this is barely addressed as a problem that he is responsible for. In the end Martha realises her mistake in sticking around for so long, but her attempts to call out his bad behavior in the past fell on deaf ears. Martha is the rebound girl but he acts like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Which, IDK, maybe he really doesn’t know? Like for all his 900+ years the Doctor has little previous actual relationship experience and also he’s super blindingly hung up on his high school-esque sweetheart Rose. And it’s not just in regards to Martha’s romantic feelings that he treats her poorly. He also dismisses her VERY VALID CONCERNS about her own safety and well-being when traveling in the past for the sake of his own whims. And he brushes off legitimate questions about how stuff works. Anyway. This is well-trodden ground. As is the fact that RTD later inexplicably fobs Martha off on MICKEY, the only other black companion in the series up to that point, despite having already paired Martha off with a cute, sweet doctor who seemed like a MUCH better fit, and there literally being no narrative reason for them to be a couple in that scene.

Donna! Well, as we all know, Donna is among the best-developed companions ever.

She didn’t start out that way though. She started off as a Deeply Problematic (read: disgustingly misogynistic) Stereotype who was never meant to be more than a one-off, but CT and DT got along so well that they brought the character back full-time, and so we got a lot of deconstruction, exploration, and development of that first impression. And I’ll forever be happy we did. But even in The Runaway Bride, she had moments of surprising depth and pathos. Deep down, Donna was always better than she seemed. The fact that she was the last person (other than her mother) to realize that fact is part of what makes her so compelling.

Her relationship to the Doctor is also the least problematic, because they’re both on the same page about being platonic bffs. To be fair, part of the reason he does make sure this is clear from the outset is because he has finally realized how he hurt Martha (NOT THAT HE EVER APOLOGIZED TO MARTHA FOR THAT–for a guy for whom “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” was basically a second catch phrase, Ten actually sucks at apologising to the people close to him). Unlike Martha, the Doctor doesn’t overlook Donna or brush off her concerns. Unlike Rose, he is not codependent with her. Donna calls him on his BS, and he listens. She helps him to face his emotional vulnerability rather than running from/shutting out potentially scary personal relationships (like with River and Jenny). The Doctor helps Donna to see that she really is brilliant and important, and she grows to believe him.

That’s not to say that Donna’s character was handled perfectly. No, indeed. Even after her first story, we’re repeatedly subjected to jokes about her desperate need for and inability to get a man. Even the Doctor, who is otherwise kind to her, takes these jokes for granted and sometimes participates in them. At the end of series 4, we’re shown that the one person in the universe that Mr. Pansexuality Personified, JACK HARKNESS has no interest in flirting with is Donna Noble, the man-hungry middle-aged slightly overweight loud temp from Chiswick. And then, of course, the Doctor denies her agency and takes away her access to the memories of everything she saw, everything she did, everything she discovered about herself while traveling with him. Just so he wouldn’t have to see her die. It was selfish of him. She made her choice and he ignored it to spare HIMSELF pain. But, y'know, at least the Doctor cheated the lottery to make her rich as a wedding present to a very attractive, kind-looking, and clearly adoring man–right before he regenerated. So she did get a happy ending.

[thelittlepalmtree]

Can we please stop calling Ships we don’t like abusive?

I so very often see this argument against ships that people dislike and I find it not only harmful but a bit ridiculous. This is going to be a very long meta about a lot of ships that I don’t personally ship. I’ll tag only the ones that I speak positively of. 

So, let’s talk about why it’s bad to call a ship abusive that’s not abusive. First of all, there are people in this world that are in abusive relationships. This may seem like an obvious statement but I think a lot of fans forget that. If you have ever been in an abusive relationship you know how difficult it is. There are essentially three kinds of abuse. Physical, emotional, and sexual. If we’re talking  romantic relationships the last is the one that might be a little difficult for people to identify, however usually an informed party outside the relationship can help clarify it for anyone who feels they might be sexually abused in a sexual relationship. It’s bad to call relationships that are moderately healthy or just mildly dysfunctional abusive because it sort of creates a one level system where everything is black and white and guess what, friends, that’s not the real world. Many young people are a part of a fandom. Imagine being sixteen or seventeen having never dated anyone and being told that if your partner asks you to give anything to the relationship they’re abusing you. Do you think it will be easy to distinguish actual abuse from fandom bullshit? I doubt it. 

Now let’s talk about what abuse actually is. I should mention that I have never been in a relationship, however I have witnessed many abusive relationships and have an emotionally abusive parent I still live with. I’m also studying education and have learned extensively what the effects of abuse are on development and growth of a child. It’s that working knowledge I’m going with but you can also go here for some better information. But when it comes to fandom I want to talk about my idea of abuse. Now, listen, I get that we are living in a post structuralist world and we’re all bound to have our own personal beliefs on abuse and whatnot. However, to be quite honest I feel like my elaborate definition of abuse is the best one. It is also at the crux of my argument so if you don’t like what you’re reading just click out please. 

Alright. So to me abuse is essentially about one thing, the desire to control another person. As a human being without Jean Gray-esque superpowers you cannot control another being’s actions or decisions directly. However, some people did not learn this or do not want to learn this. They use the indirect means of emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse to exert indirect control over another person. That intent to control (whether conscious or unconscious) is key to this problem. It is normal, for example, to have arguments in a relationship. However when one party feels that they must agree with the other because a) argument would be futile or b) there will be severe consequences if they don’t then that crosses a line. For example, let’s say two people are going to Lowes to pick out paint for their living room. A healthy couple might have an argument about the paint color that results in either compromise or someone getting their way. An unhealthy couple will likely not argue or if they do it will be clear that the abused party never had a chance of getting the color they wanted. The argument is not the problem, it’s the dynamics of the argument. Not every bystander will be able to see this either, it’s built on a long history between these two people. What may look like an unhealthy relationship could be perfectly healthy. What may look like a healthy relationship could be very unhealthy. 

Another aspect of abuse is neglect. Personally I don’t know why someone would choose to be in a relationship with someone they don’t like, but apparently it happens. Now, remember what’s important is that power dynamic. So, when I was in high school a lot of my friends dated each other but didn’t like each other and would break up in a few weeks but do the same thing later. That would not be classified as abuse to me because neither partner felt obligated to stay in the relationship. Neglect often comes in when one person doesn’t have the same feelings as the other person does but still wants to keep the relationship perhaps due to conveniences. 

The third part of this is that abuse is cyclical. Abusive partners are not all bad all the time or more people would leave. Typically an abusive partner will be fine most days or do those little things that chip away at your soul (Backhanded compliments, unfair expectations, “teasing” or bullying) then they will have an episode in which they become totally irrational. That will usually be followed by a grand apology (my dad often offered us money to forgive him). Once you forgive them they will be better than usual and then slowly progress back to stage one. One of my friends who I believe was in an emotionally abusive relationship told me recently that she remembered the “good times” because sometimes her partner would be horrible and shout at her for hours and other times he would be there for her and incredibly supportive. A lot of people think that this is a ploy of some sort to keep your partner, but I personally believe that abusers feel genuinely guilty for being so cruel. That makes it much easier to believe and forgive them and much harder to say no to them. 

So now that we got all that out of the way let’s talk about some ships. Let’s start with Jarley because I think this is a ship that is very different between the movies and the comics. In the comics this ship is hands down abusive. Harley is actually something of a distasteful caricature of an abused wife. She goes back to a partner who can’t stand her until she’s useful to him and inconveniently just won’t die. However throughout the comics she’s evolved into a wonderfully flawed, growing person who is dealing with the effects of such an abusive relationship. What’s interesting about this ship in the movies: they took out the majority of the actual abuse. Now I know there was a scene where the Joker slaps Harley, but given that that scene did not make it into the movie and also that we do not have context for that scene I am not going to treat it as canon. 

There are still problematic aspects, the Joker and his men torture Harley (though she does provide enthusiastic consent to the torture), and the joker throws her into a vat of bleach (again with her enthusiastic consent). You may think that this is inherently abusive because the actions here harm Harley. I see the side of that argument, but let’s just examine it further. The thing is, Harley abused the Joker first. She took advantage of her position as his therapist. And I think that is really important to note. As a counsellor you cannot develop feelings for your patients. Developing those feelings means you need to send them to a different counselor instead. This is because counsellors have a lot of power over their patients. In Suicide Squad we saw shots of the Joker in a straight Jacket. Harley presumably had control over his daily schedule and medications as well as access to any personal information on file or that she divulged from him. She could recommend treatments as well. It’s unclear whether she exercised this control, however the very fact that she had it constitutes an unhealthy power dynamic already. On that theory, you could argue that the initial violence the Joker and his gang perpetrated towards her was payback, or a way to make the relationship even. He had resented her former abuse of power and therefore tried to hurt her, but developed feelings for her at some point and then saw her as an equal. IN THE MOVIE itself, after Harley becomes Harley as we know her (after their weird dance in the toxic vats) there does not seem to be a lot of abusive behavior on the part of either of them. Any analysis of the ship that doesn’t take that turning point into account is part of this “I don’t like it so it’s abuse” problem. We need to look at all facets of the relationship. 

Let’s talk about another relationship that people tend to call abusive. Brucetasha. I should point out that I do NOT ship this at all. However, it is just not an abusive ship. First of all, the two were never canonically in a relationship. They talked about being in a relationship, they considered being in a relationship, but they were not in a relationship. In fact most of their interactions are about how they can’t be together. Now, there’s a lot about how Natasha called herself a monster because she couldn’t have kids. Yes this is terrible, but considering that Bruce did not say this to her, it could not be considered abuse. You may also say that she violated his trust by turning him into the Hulk. Yes, she did do that. However her aim was not to exert control over him, but to save people’s lives. It was a “gun to your head what would you do” situation or a train problem situation. Think about couples who must violate each others’ trust due to issues of security clearance or because they have high-end jobs in competing companies. These may be forgivable offenses or they may not be, that does not make a couple abusive. 

And thirdly, let’s talk about Karamel. I know, I know, everyone (me included) wants Lena and Kara to get married and have a horde of Kryptonian babies. However, the ridiculousness of arguing that Kara and Man-El were in an abusive relationship is honestly why I began this post. First of all, Man-El is not a bad person just because he’s a man. He grew up in a sexist culture and made great great strides to overcome his cultural training. It is incredibly unfair to expect people to be one hundred percent politically correct one hundred percent of the time. People need to learn and grow and I honestly felt the show did a good job of showing that. Kara didn’t just roll over and let him have his way every time, or even most of the time. She pushed back whenever he was jealous or controlling and she took her time entering the relationship. I would also like to point out that Man-El did not pursue her, in fact, she had to drag it out of him that he even had feelings for her. He did everything he could not to pressure her into a relationship until he found out that Kara felt the same way and only then did he try to make it work. Man-El very rarely tried to control Kara except when he was concerned for her physical safety. Think about relationships in which one person is a police officer, is it unreasonable for a cop’s partner to sometimes feel frustrated with the risks they take on their job? I think it’s reasonable to expect your partner to take time to get used to you constantly being at risk, the same goes for superheroes. I’ve also seen the argument that if Man-El was really a good person he would have gone with his parents and made Daxom a better society. I think it was made clear that his mother was abusive (I mean she killed his father for disagreeing with her and tried to force him into a marriage). In such a relationship you do not have any control. I doubt very much that he would have had any real chance to change Daxom’s culture while his mother was in charge. Beyond that, it takes centuries to change a culture, just look at America, we’re still trying to figure out Slavery. Is it reasonable to assume that he would have been able to turn Daxom into a benevolent nation overnight? I don’t think so. I really fail to see how any aspect of this relationship was abusive. Would I date Mon-El (if I were straight)? No. Chances are you wouldn’t either. Was he the right person for Kara? I personally don’t think so. Was he an amazing 100% fantastically PC person all the time? No. People are not like that. I’m not asking you to date someone like Man-El or who makes you uncomfortable. I am asking you to realize that not everyone is perfect, and a Journey like Man-El’s is so important to show. He went from being exactly the kind of person that most people find to be the pillars that hold up the patriarchy to being a fairly enlightened partner. I hope young girls see this to know that boys are not walking monsters, but that you can get through to people with education and patience. 

I hope you’ll be more responsible when throwing the word abuse around.