#these aren’t the only drawings of JC but if I put them all in there would be too many photos lmao

[sandu-zidian]

Jiang Cheng sketches 2022-2024

[spockandawe]

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

It’s absolutely no problem at all!! I don’t think I’ve been asked this before, but hey, I also have zero object permanence, so it keeps things fresh and new. And it’s interesting to see how my answers change over time! Lemme see, I think I’m going to go in reverse order, because I feel like then I’ll be doing the worst agonizing up front.

TGCF

Fifth favorite: YIN. YU. I know that he’s a minor character and him even making it onto the list is pretty solid performance, but I do feel guilty that he isn’t higher than this. He came out of nowhere in my first reading and punched me in the stomach with emotions. I find his sections so hard to read, and I was DEVASTATED when he died and BEYOND stoked to find out he was still alive in the extras. His story hurts so much! I am weak against characters who have relatively modest goals and still see them snatched away (see also: my next entry) and have to struggle on. I wish wish wish I had a way to see more of how he made his peace with things after being thrown out of heaven, and the nature of the (distant) relationship with Hua Cheng and what happens with Quan Yizhen now that he died in his arms, and still came back anyways, my god!

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Fourth favorite:  He Xuannnnnn. I have a hard time articulating particulars, but. I love him a lot. I love a character with a grudge, with a deep, painful grudge, where the grudge is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting the people around him, and setting the grudge aside would also hurt, and then what has any of this been for-- I've used this metaphor for other characters, but I don’t care if I’m overusing it, because I love it. He feels like a character caught in a thorn bush, where simply being there... hurts, but trying to escape or move in any ways is going to hurt worse, and there’s no path forward that doesn’t involve pain. And like... I don’t love the way he hurt Shi Qingxuan (who didn’t quite make this list adfasgdafsd I’M SORRY) but I wouldn’t have liked to see him swallow back down all that pain and set aside everything that happened to his family and fiancee either! I’m always, always soft for characters who have no good path forward and who grit their teeth and set out anyways.

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Third favorite: MU QING!!!!!!!!!! I have done... extensive screaming about him. And I love him veryvery much. I can already tell that this list is going to have a lot of mean boys on it, and like... no regrets. Especially since this is one of my FAVORITE flavors, an unapologetic mean boy who is rarely (but sometimes!) soft for the people around him, and who regularly tries to do decently by people, but who consistently gets shat upon and misunderstood and accused of acting in bad faith. I screamed when he and Xie Lian finally got to talk their friendship out in the book. I also screamed when I realized how immediately after Xie Lian’s return he started looking out for him again, and how sincerely, despite his horrible attitude about it. I still want to write more fic for him so badly. I love him so much.

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Second favorite: Xie Lian! What a good boy! The best boy! He’s so sweet and gentle, but also the best fightboy this world has ever seen, and also so gently snarky with the people he loves! I just... really love me some traumatized characters who have trouble recognizing that they can be Loved, and I’m not going to write this whole essay right now, but I think in some ways, he’s the most... passive about his romance, out of all the leads? Shen Qingqiu is aggressively oblivious, but Xie Lian kind of gently shrugs off the idea that he might be Hua Cheng’s special someone, until he finally gets hit with the cluestick. I generally shy away from the idea of a character “earning” love, but he’s maybe the mxtx character who moves me most with ‘you deserve to be loved’

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Most favorite: Hua Cheng. HUA CHENG. Oh my god, gotta love this boy. Gotta love this devotion. I love a mean boy who is soft for one person, and he EMBODIES it. I mean, I love Shen Jiu, but he barely manages to do the soft thing at all, while Hua Cheng is over here like ‘if I could only be the stone beneath your feet--’ It’s hard to talk about him separately from Xie Lian, because they’re a unit in my head more than just about any other characters on this list are. I don’t want to get this list to get out of control, so I’m not going to scream for too long, but... I could just watch him go forever. I want to write him forever, and that’s a huge aspect of what draws me to some characters.

MDZS

Oh god, I think I lied, I think this book is going to be hardest. Making these choices is AGONIZING.

Fifth favorite: .....Lan Wangji. Oh god, I feel bad about how low he is. But this story is just packed SO full of wonderful characters, and I’m already consumed with guilt over all the characters who aren’t going to make it. I don’t love them less! But my love for characters in this particular story is very evenly distributed. And I think that Wang Yibo’s acting is possibly scoring points with me that the book might not have earned all by itself. Microexpressions and subtle body language add SO MUCH to a character with such flat affect, and I would be drawn to such a closed-off character anyways, but it really helps. And I love, like... the combined subtlety and intensity of his relationships. It’s not that subtle once you know what to look for, and the brother/sworn brother network makes for varying degrees of how much other characters understand of the things he chooses not to explicitly express, and it gives a really interesting character to the way he interacts with the people around him. Also, love me a man with intense separation anxiety.

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Fourth favorite: Jiang Yanli? I think it has to be Jiang Yanli, but these rankings are hard. So. I just talked about how much I enjoy the flat affect and closed off nature of Lan Wangji? Well, guess what, I also love it when m’girl is just very GENUINELY AND OPENLY an absolute sweetheart of a person, and I love the contrast between her genuinely kind nature and the uncomfortable pressure that her family’s dynamics put on her to start parenting at a very young age. It’s not necessarily a happy situation, but she adores her brothers so much and they adore her so much! And it’s... a very understated element of the story, but after her parents died, her baby brothers went off to war, and one wreaked havoc as a straightforward commander and one of them disappeared for months and returned as a creepy-ass zombie puppeteer. And she STILL dotes on them like before, despite knowing what they’re capable of. Like, yes, Wei Wuxian just raised an army of corpses and forced a man to eat himself, but I shall still boop him on the nose and feed him Soup. How can I not adore energy like that?

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Third favorite: Wei Wuxian, I think. I do adore him a lot. He gives me some of the same vibes that make me ache most with Xie Lian, where he is trying his best, and is struggling to hold on in the face of lots of suffering, and I find it really interesting that when the suffering peaked, Xie Lian was forced go on because he couldn’t die, while Wei Wuxian... expired. That line about ‘he thought that no matter how large the world was, there was still no place for him’ always sticks with me, and hurts me deeply. Xie Lian had most of his personal attachments stripped away, and was left to wander on his own, while Wei Wuxian still had a number of strong connections left, but abruptly exited life. And that informs their respective trauma so interestingly! The way Wei Wuxian bounces between high energy chaos and drained exhaustion is really fascinating to me, and was the thread that held me attached to the book through a very confusing beginning. And I’m still very drawn to how intensely he loves, whether it’s Xiao Zhan’s fantastic acting, or it’s him busting out with how much he wants Lan Wangji in the middle of the Guanyin Temple scene. He’s a fantastic character, honestly, I don’t think such a convoluted book would have held together very well without a protagonist this strong.

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Second favorite: Xue Yang :X Look, he’s a good boy and I love him. Who among us hasn’t done a few mass murders that we are completely unrepentant about, but that we would really like to keep hidden from our current boyfriend, actually? Anyways, as always, love me an angry boy who makes terrible decisions for understandable reasons. And I do love a character who is consumed by agonized ragrets (see my next entry), but I DO also love me a character who has no regrets at all and doesn’t even have much interest in trying to justify himself to anyone else around him. Just look at that confidence! Look at him go!!

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Most favorite: Jiang... Cheng....... I knew he and Xue Yang were going to be at the top, but those were the only parts of this list that were easy. I mean. Love a self-sabotaging angryboy who is also super super sad and keeps hurting himself in his own confusion. And while I love the romantic thread in all of the mxtx books, the agonized family thread in mdzs is one of my favorite parts, and something that I don’t really see echoed in any of the other stories. I need ten million jc+wwx reconciliations, at LEAST. He’s so sad! And so angry! And I want to see him becoming less of that thing, and for Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian to demonstrate very firmly how much they love him, because they do. I am invested in his happiness in a way that goes far and beyond any of the other non-main characters, haha

SVSSS

Fifth favorite: Tianlang-jun. I think? Oh god, but moshang. THIS IS REALLY HARD, I HATE THIS ;-; But especially since writing my fic, Tianlang-jun has really won me over. And like, he already hurt me good in the novel, just thinking about how he was an innocent young guy, just! Trying to have a girlfriend! And instead got trapped in sensory deprivation, body-rotting-hell for twenty years, when he didn’t do anything wrong!!! He suffered, so much! And I live for his intensely strained relationship with Luo Binghe, because it’s! Perfectly understandable and painful, from both of their perspectives! And he wants to hate humans so badly, but in the end, when he’s told that Su Xiyan never betrayed him, he starts helplessly asking the people around him, ‘really? is it really true?’ and then in the end he loses the only family member he has left who cares about him, and it’s just! Everything is terrible! I have a su xiyan au brewing in my head because I can’t stand it! Someone just give this man a loving partner!!!

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Fourth favorite: Shen Qingqiu. But... moshang??? Goddammit. Anyways, this dumbass. I find him so endearing, in his dumbassery. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with Wei Wuxian for being oblivious, and Shen Qingqiu is just asking for me to react the same way, but I... don’t, for the most part? Because he thinks he has good information, and he’s slow to react to a changing playing field, and I still haven’t read another transmigration novel that strikes the same balance of hypercompetence and intense incompetence :ppp It’s a funny book, and he’s a funny character! And I really vibe with him, in most parts of the story, which covers a pretty darn wide emotional spectrum. Plus, the running internal commentary is choice.

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Third favorite: Liu Qingge. Look, I’m a woman of simple needs, and sometimes I just need a high-quality fightboy who clearly cares deeply and is absolute garbage at expressing his emotions. I can’t articulate it much better than that. I absolutely howl at the succubus extra, when Shen Qingqiu is talking to Madam Meiyin about his future partner, and Liu Qingge is like ‘oh my god, sHE IS CLEARLY DESCRIBING ME’ and Shen Qingqiu is like ‘haha, liu-shidi, i thought you thought this was stuupidddddddd’. They’re both so dumb. I love them so much. But stupidity plus war god fighting energy has a narrow lead over stupidity and internal commentary track.

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Second favorite: SHEN JIU. GOD. I’m still arguing with myself over whether he should go first, but Luo Binghe hurts me consistently through the whole entire story, so I think he wins. Shen Jiu just stabs me in the heart at strategic moments. This is it. My ideal mean boy who is soft for one (1) person, and who BOTH does unconscionable things for terrible reasons (someone just. give him a pile of girls to teach, it will be much more pleasant for everyone involved), and who ALSO gets blamed for things he didn’t do even when he tries to act in good faith. It is the best of all painful worlds. And even at the end, when he has a powerful person who wants desperately to protect him, he still tries his hardest to shove that person away, to keep him safe. I’ve got like four aus where he gets to live. I’m so invested in this character, I love him so much.

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Most favorite: Luo Binghe. He was.... made for me............ Like, the overwhelming amounts of childhood angst were baked in by Shang Qinghua, but the in-story pain and suffering is PRECISELY my jam. I love a character with separation anxiety! I love a character with massive anxieties over being unwanted! Over nobody ever, EVER just choosing him! I love a character struggling with the idea that the person he loves most in the world thinks that he’s intrinsically Disgusting! I love the kind of stubborn determination that leads him to preserve a corpse for five years, desperately hoping for a way to revive it, constantly cooking fresh food, in case, in case he someday wakes up. The way Hua Cheng loves is overpowering, but he’s had time to like... learn to be mellow when he needs to be. Luo Binghe doesn’t have a chill bone in his body, and if he’s acting chill, it’s probably because he’s done some mental math and decided that being more clingy right now will probably get him pushed away harder. I love the combination of manipulative tendencies and a very, very genuine fear of rejection and being unwanted. There is nothing I don’t love about Luo Binghe, including his worst decisions. I love him so so much.

[bettydice]

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated [Read on AO3]

CHAPTER 9

Saturday

The sun doesn’t show itself today. Heavy clouds block the view, and a strong wind is blowing. At least it’s not raining and this way, there aren’t many other people around. Lan Xichen doesn’t seem bothered by the weather at all. He seems excited to be here, happily shows Jiang Cheng all his favourite spots. Sometimes he’ll say things like “This blooms in May and has the most gorgeous blossoms, we have to come back then!”. As though there’s no question they’ll still be doing things like this together then.

Everything goes well until they sit down in Lan Xichen’s favourite favourite spot: a bench hidden behind the swaying branches of a willow, overlooking a little pond.

They’re sitting close together, shoulders and legs touching, holding hands, seeking each other’s warmth as protection against the wind. In truth, it’s not very windy in this spot, the trees around them creating a buffer, but Jiang Cheng sees no reason to not be as close to Lan Xichen as possible.

They’ve been sitting there in peaceful quiet for a few minutes, Jiang Cheng mentally going through whether he really has everything he needs for dinner later, when he looks from the pond to Lan Xichen’s face. He looks… he looks sad. There’s a tension to his jaw and a crease between his eyebrows that would look more at home on Jiang Cheng’s face.

Should he ask him? Should he start talking about something random to distract him? That’s what Wei Wuxian would do, but Jiang Cheng is not good at talking nonsense. His sister would simply radiate an aura that let Jiang Cheng know he could talk to her and that everything would be okay. Lan Xichen also seems to have that ability. But Jiang Cheng is...himself.e doesn’t have any intrinsic soothing abilities. He can only try to imitate other people.

He squeezes Lan Xichen’s hand to get his attention, and sees how Lan Xichen quickly masks his sad expression with his usual gentle smile before he turns his head to look at Jiang Cheng. That’s… that’s not what Jiang Cheng wanted.

“Are you okay?” The words feel clunky on his tongue, like he’s using these words for the first time. Which is not the case! He’s not that much of a lost cause.

Lan Xichen’s eyes widen just the tiniest bit, then deepens his smile and Jiang Cheng is sure he’s about to say that everything is fine. But instead Lan Xichen hesitates and… he drops the smile and sighs. “I was just reminded… The last time I was here, it was still spring. That tree was still in bloom.” He points at a tree across the pond. The wind is attacking it, leaves desperately trying to hold on to the branches and losing the fight. “It reminded me how stuck I’ve been… still am, really. Just drifting from day to day. I tried to recall what I did this summer and nothing memorable stood out to me.”

His first instinct is to disagree, though it’s not like Jiang Cheng can’t painfully relate to that feeling. “Well, you’re busy with your job and your bunnies and plants. And… time is bullshit anyway.”

Lan Xichen chuckles but quickly turns solemn again. “It hasn’t been long though since I started working again… you’re only my third client after my… let’s call it break.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t know that. He didn’t know things had been so bad for Lan Xichen that he couldn’t work. At least he thinks that’s what he’s saying. He squeezes Lan Xichen’s hand again, not sure what to say.

“I’m not saying this because… The fact that I’m working again shows that the past year hasn’t been in vain. I just… the world didn’t wait while I tried to heal.”

Jiang Cheng has nothing helpful to say, even though he can painfully relate to this feeling. Feeling stuck in one place while the world keeps turning, while other people seem to be able to forget and move on. He hopes his quiet support is enough for Lan Xichen.

They both look at the tree for a long moment. One of the struggling leaves gets torn off, but then gracefully loops through the air until it gently comes to rest on the water surface.

Lan Xichen turns to look at Jiang Cheng and smiles, without sadness. “But I think today will be memorable.You are.”

What the fuck? How can he just say that so casually? Jiang Cheng feels his face grow hot, while Lan Xichen just looks at him.

In lieu of an appropriate spoken response that doesn’t only consist of incoherent garbled noises, Jiang Cheng uses Wei Wuxian’s tried and trusted ‘Hey look, over there!’ tactic: “Hey, I saw online that there’s a lovely café close to the entrance. Let’s go there and treat ourselves to something nice. It’s your birthdate after all.” Ugh, fuck Nie Huaisang and his stupid word creations. “Your birthday date.. Not date. Whatever. Only if you want to, of course?”

Lan Xichen’s mouth twitches with amusement, but doesn’t call Jiang Cheng on his bullshit. “That sounds lovely. You’re right, it is my birthdate.”

Jiang Cheng snorts a laugh, then gets to his feet, pulling Lan Xichen up with him.

The café is indeed very nice and thankfully pretty empty. Lan Xichen orders a chocolatey drink that could rival one of Jin Zixuan’s sugar-coffee-monstrosities and a piece of cake topped with colourful sparkles.

“I’m going to regret this later,” he cheerfully announces before tucking in.

Jiang Cheng keeps a close watch on his face while eating his own brownie and black coffee, not wanting to risk missing a shift in his mood like last time. Even though Lan Xichen stays cheerful the entire time, Jiang Cheng keeps watching him anyway, because he can’t look anywhere else.

As it turns out, it was a very good idea for them to go to that café, as dinner… takes a while. Jiang Cheng may have severely underestimated how long it would take to prepare all the different side dishes he wants to make and may have severely overestimated how much food is a good amount for two people to make. Oh well, it’s always good to have leftovers. To his relief everything tastes really good. Though maybe not too surprising, since he got most recipes from his sister.

After dinner, they sit down on the couch, both a little tired after eating so much food. Jiang Cheng is busy mulling over how to best initiate, well… cuddling, when Lan Xichen turns to face him, smiles, and kisses him.

Jiang Cheng takes this opportunity to put his arms around Lan Xichen’s shoulders and pull him closer, all while enthusiastically kissing him back.

“Mhm.” Lan Xichen huffs a laugh against his lips, then pulls back a little. “I’ve wanted to do that since… the whole day, basically.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well, we were in public. And then you were intensely focused on preparing dinner. I thought it was better to just quietly chop the things you threw on my cutting board.”

Lan Xichen is only teasing him, Jiang Cheng is pretty sure about that, though he can’t help but feel a little embarrassed. He instantly squashes that feeling though, because: “We’re not in public now.”

“No, we’re not.” Lan Xichen lifts his hand to Jiang Cheng’s face, his thumb caresses his cheekbone, then he slowly slides his hand down until it’s resting on Jiang Cheng’s neck. “So…?”

Jiang Cheng either nods or shakes his head, he doesn’t know, he only knows Lan Xichen kisses him again, draws him close, hand secure in his neck.

They haven’t done this before. Kissed so deeply, unrestricted by location or time. The intensity is overwhelming and it’d be so easy for him to overthink this. Are his kisses gentle enough? Passionately enough? Hands - where? What’s his dick doing? But this kiss is too nice to have it ruined by such things. So he focuses fully on the kissing, opens for Lan Xichen after he teases his lower lip with his tongue and just allows himself to get lost in it.

Lan Xichen’s hand keeps wandering lower and lower, until it’s resting on Jiang Cheng’s hip, fingers touching the waistband of his jeans through his sweater. He wants to feel his hand directly on his skin, but is not sure if that’s where this is going, if Lan Xichen would want that too.

After a while, Lan Xichen ends the kiss so they can catch their breath. He smiles down at him, which is when Jiang Cheng notices he’s somehow lying on his back now.

Lan Xichen’s face is flushed, his hair in disarray (because of Jiang Cheng’s hands! Another thing he only just now realises), his eyes dark, his lips red… Jiang Cheng reaches for him to pull him into another kiss, but Lan Xichen doesn’t let himself be pulled just yet.

“Is this okay?”

Jiang Cheng follows his gaze down to where - oh - Lan Xichen’s hand rests on his waist, under his sweater. “Oh... yeah. Yeah.” Then, in a move not supported by any brain cells, he pulls off his sweater and the t-shirt underneath. Lan Xichen looks stunned, of course he is, because Jiang Cheng skipped straight to undressing for no reason. Maybe it’s because he’s so used to undressing in Lan Xichen’s presence, maybe because he knows how it feels to have Lan Xichen’s hands on his body and he wants them there, wants to-

Lan Xichen kisses him again, his lips as hot as his hands, fingertips pressing into Jiang Cheng’s back.

Jiang Cheng is having an out of body, no, out of mind experience. He’s very much inhabiting his body, feeling everything. How his skin is hot everywhere their bodies touch, Lan Xichen’s mouth on his jaw, his neck, the familiar slide of Lan Xichen’s long fingers, now touching him in a way he’s very decidedly never done during his massages. He’s never gripped his hip to pull him closer, has never sighed against his mouth.

In the few moments he has access to his brain, he desperately uses it to make sure he’s kissing Lan Xichen just as intently, that his touch is just as gentle, that he somehow remembers to breathe during all this… There’s no room for anything else.

He gets lost in it completely, until eventually Lan Xichen breaks the kiss again.

“Maybe we should… I should probably go home…” It sounds like a question, so Jiang Cheng answers.

“You don’t have to.” He feels even hotter after he says this, probably flushing. It’s not like it’d come as a surprise to Lan Xichen that Jiang Cheng is aroused, not the way they’re pressed together, the way Lan Xichen now drags his heavy gaze from Jiang Cheng’s face down his body and back up again. He’ll be able to see that Jiang Cheng wants him to, would let him… that he wants everything. Lan Xichen holds his gaze, his hand tightens on Jiang Cheng’s hips as if he wants to keep him right here, underneath him. As if Jiang Cheng would want to go anywhere else right now…

Then Lan Xichen’s face softens, he loosens his grip and he closes his eyes, laughing quietly. Oh. So not today. “I… I want to. But…”

“No, don’t worry! That’s okay. I was just… it’s too-”

“I want to,” Lan Xichen says emphatically, looking directly at him. “But it was a long day. A lovely day, but…” He falters, his eyes now looking at Jiang Cheng’s cheek instead of his eyes. A few seconds pass, Lan Xichen’s brow furrowing as he’s looking for the right words. “I’m actually quite exhausted - a good exhaustion! But I had to feel a lot today. … If that makes sense at all?”

Jiang Cheng takes Lan Xichen’s face between his hands and presses a soft kiss to his lips. “Of course.”

Lan Xichen sighs relieved, then sits up and tries to straighten his hair, a hint of embarrassment tugging at the corners of his mouth. He does look a little tired, now that the haze of lust has dissipated between them, and Jiang Cheng can see more clearly. Jiang Cheng feels the exhaustion, too, as though he’ll fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

“What time is it?” Jiang Cheng asks while following Lan Xichen into a sitting position, then lifts his arm, because he’s wearing a goddamn watch so he can answer his own fucking question. “9 p.m.? What the fuck… how long did we…”

Lan Xichen only hums, clearly amused, and bends forward, so he can hand Jiang Cheng his sweater and t-shirt from where he’d carelessly thrown it on the floor. While Jiang Cheng struggles to put them back on, having to first untangle the shirt from the sweater before deciding to just not bother with the t-shirt, Lan Xichen yawns extensively, and for some reason, with his sweater only halfway on, Jiang Cheng opens his mouth to say: “You could spend the night here.”

Lan Xichen just cocks his head at him, slightly raises his eyebrows. Saying ‘Didn’t I just decline your horny offer’ without actually saying so.

“No, I meant - “ Jiang Cheng manages to jam his arm in the other sleeve and is now mostly dressed again. “I meant, you could sleep here. So you don’t have to go home first. Like, on the couch - it’s not actually that comfortable though, so I should take the couch… But you probably want to sleep in your own bed, sorry.”

“Actually, I think that sounds lovely,” Lan Xichen says, then looks surprised at his own words. Jiang Cheng is surprised, too. “Would it not be a bother?”

“For me? Not at all!” Jiang Cheng thinks his brain has never fully come back online after their kisses. Words leave his mouth and he doesn’t know where they came from. He keeps spewing them out, unable to stop. “But… you don’t have any… like pyjamas or a toothbrush - do I have a spare toothbrush? I think there was a buy two get one free sale recently?”

Why isn’t Lan Xichen interrupting him to say ‘You’re right, I’ll go home immediately so you can stop embarrassing yourself.’ Instead he just looks at him, eyes crinkling with amusement.

“Uh, but breakfast. Well, there’s definitely enough food in my fridge now after dinner. Do I have - no, I have extra bedding, of course I do.” Okay, it’d be neat if he could stop talking now. Jiang Cheng grabs a pillow and presses it against his stomach, the next best thing to screaming into it. He focuses really hard and tries to find a sentence that can function as some kind of end point. “But... you... probably? Have to… take care of your bunnies anyway?”

Lan Xichen is still only looking, head slightly cocked, but now his lips are twitching as though he’s trying hard not to laugh. A few seconds later, he does laugh, and hot shame courses through Jiang Cheng. He really made it obvious he doesn’t have a lot of experience with asking people to stay over. (Usually it just happened naturally after sexual activities of one kind or the other. He’s never asked anyone to stay because he… Why did he ask? Because he doesn’t want Lan Xichen to leave just yet?)

Lan Xichen notices how Jiang Cheng’s expression changes to regret; he stops laughing and takes Jiang Cheng’s hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… It was just fascinating to see you voice the kind of thoughts I was probably about to have in a few minutes myself. Now I don’t have to, so, thank you.”

What? “You’re welcome?”

“And the bunnies will be fine. Wangji visited them tonight anyway.”

“Okay. So…” Jiang Cheng seems to have used up all his words before. It’s probably better that way.

“So, I wouldn’t mind staying over.” Lan Xichen smiles at him warmly, fondly. He stands up and tugs on Jiang Cheng’s hand. Jiang Cheng follows him up easily.

“Oh. Okay. That’s great! Cool.”

“Do you want to check whether you have a spare toothbrush?” There’s that twinkle in Lan Xichen’s eyes that always takes Jiang Cheng by surprise, but that he loves to see. It reminds Jiang Cheng it’s okay to just be in Lan Xichen’s presence, and it restarts his brain. He huffs a laugh, his shoulders relaxing, and goes to look for that toothbrush.

As it turns out, Jiang Cheng did have a spare toothbrush, as well as the lounge clothes Lan Xichen lent him after Cloud peed on him and Jiang Cheng kept forgetting to return. He also had a second set of bedding, though nobody ends up sleeping on the couch. Jiang Cheng isn’t entirely sure how that happened, he just knows that it’s shortly after midnight, Lan Xichen is lying next to him, sleeping next to him, and Jiang Cheng is scared to move in case it wakes him up.

He has barely moved since they turned off the light almost two hours ago. Usually, he turns and twists a lot before he falls asleep, because his tense shoulders make it difficult to find a comfortable position. The position he is in now is definitely not comfortable, in fact, his right shoulder might be cramping up a little. It’s been two hours, Lan Xichen is probably deep asleep by now - it’d be okay to adjust his position a little, right? He’ll be careful, he won’t wake him.

Jiang Cheng slowly rolls over on his left side, quietly slides his hand under his pillow and pulls one leg towards him. He glances towards Lan Xichen, to make sure he didn’t wake him, only to lose five years of his life, as Lan Xichen is returning his look, eyes wide open.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Jiang Cheng whispers, he tries to, anyway. His voice still feels too loud. It always does.

“Of course not,” Lan Xichen replies with perfect talking-in-the-middle-of-the-night volume. “You haven’t made a sound since we laid down.”

“Can’t sleep?” This time, Jiang Cheng’s voice comes closer to Lan Xichen’s softness.

Lan Xichen’s face is only barely visible in the darkness, but because Jiang Cheng knows it so well, his mind can fill the shadows with memories of the day. He can see his eyes, though, reflecting the moonlight that sneaks through the curtains.

“Mhm.” Lan Xichen adjusts his position, face inching a little closer to Jiang Cheng. “It’s been a while since I shared a bed with someone.”

“Me too. I’m scared to move in case I disturb you.” These things are easier to admit in the dark.

“Mhm.”

Lan Xichen sounds so sleepy; Jiang Cheng regrets asking him to stay. If he hadn’t, Lan Xichen would be soundly asleep in his own bed right now. “I’ll go sleep on the couch then, I should have done that from the start, sorry.”

As soon as he says that, Lan Xichen throws his arm across Jiang Cheng’s body. “No, stay.”

“Oh, okay. Are you sure?”

Lan Xichen throws his leg over Jiang Cheng’s legs, too, then pulls him closer until Jiang Cheng can feel his breath on his face. “Very sure.”

“Okay.” Jiang Cheng moves his right arm a little, so his hand lies between their chests and isn’t in danger of brushing against Lan Xichen’s crotch anymore. “Yeah, okay.”

“This way we don’t have to worry about accidentally touching the other,” Lan Xichen says, his smile hard to make out in the darkness, but nevertheless beautiful. He moves back his leg, but before Jiang Cheng can miss the touch, he slides it between Jiang Cheng’s legs. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yes.” Jiang Cheng is surprised to find that to be actually true. Knowing that the warmth he feels is not his blanket, but coming from Lan Xichen, the reassuring weight of his arm... He splays his fingers, so his little finger brushes against Lan Xichen’s chest.

Lan Xichen hums, content, and for a while they just lie like this, quietly. Until Jiang Cheng feels the urge to talk again. It must be a leftover from the year he shared a room with Wei Wuxian until they moved to a bigger house. Wei Wuxian always started chatting as soon as they turned off the light.

“Technically, there is a second bedroom here. I just never go in there.”

Lan Xichen strokes his hand across Jiang Cheng’s back, to signal that he’s listening.

“It’s Wei Wuxian’s room. Well, it was supposed to be. And now...” Now it’s just there, reminding him every day of how he fucked things up.

“You’re not using it?” Lan Xichen asks gently. It’s not a reproach, he simply wants to know.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head, then says ‘No’ out loud, in case Lan Xichen couldn’t see it.

“Because you’re waiting for him to come back?”

“I... No. Yes. Maybe? I generally avoid thinking about it. You’ve seen what happens when I think about it.”

“Mhm.” Lan Xichen keeps stroking his back. He’s not moving his arm, just lightly moves his hand back and forth. “If it was empty, what would you use the room for?”

Jiang Cheng takes a moment to think about it, since he’s never done that before. “I don’t know. I guess… an office? But I don’t want to waste a whole room for my shitty degree. Maybe… I could turn it into a proper guest room, for when Jin Ling gets older. Maybe he could stay over sometimes.”

“That sounds nice. You could still put your desk in there, it helps to have your work space separate from your living space.”

“Yeah… That makes sense, I suppose.” The thought of changing it from Wei Wuxian’s Room to something else doesn’t fill him with the dread he expected, surprisingly. He does know, somewhere deep in his heart, that even if they reconcile, Wei Wuxian won’t move in here. Shouldn’t. They were horrible roommates, if he considers it honestly. There’s no reason to hold on to this old bitterness, no reason to still let it poison his mood. “I should do that.”

“I’ll help you. I like redecorating.”

Lan Xichen says it so matter of fact, Jiang Cheng can’t help himself - he has to kiss him. He closes the last remaining distance between them and gives him a short, sweet kiss. He doesn’t move back after, just stays there, as close as possible.

“I wanted to thank you for inviting me to your home,” Lan Xichen whispers against his lips.

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure this is something he should be thanked for. Compared to Lan Xichen’s flat, his is unremarkable. “Uh, thank you for coming over.”

“It means a lot that you shared your space with me.”

It’s weird being this close. He can only see blurry shapes instead of Lan Xichen’s face. But his voice is so clear, even though he’s whispering. He can feel it when he talks, the movement of his lips, his chest under his fingers. Jiang Cheng has never experienced this kind of intimacy. It’s exciting but he’s also a little scared what kind of secret this atmosphere might drag out of him. “Well, it’s only fair, since I’ve spent so much time at your place already.”

“Still… I was… “Lan Xichen hesitates. He slowly cards his fingers through Jiang Cheng’s hair while mulling over his words. “It means a lot.”

Somehow, Jiang Cheng understands. Lan Xichen’s words shape the form of an old wound. Or maybe a scar, by now. He presses another kiss to his lips, though misses by a little and only catches the corner of his mouth. “Even though I don’t have any plants?”

“You’re right, we need to change that.”Lan Xichen laughs quietly and pokes Jiang Cheng’s foot with his big toe. “I like it here. Even without plants.”

“Not much to like. Yours is much nicer,” Jiang Cheng mumbles.

“You live here,” Lan Xichen replies, as though that’s answer enough. Maybe it is. It’s not an answer Jiang Cheng can deal with right now, so he just makes a noise in between a hum and a scoff.

They fall quiet again, and Jiang Cheng closes his eyes after a while. He thinks he could finally fall asleep like this, lulled by the soothing rhythm of Lan Xichen stroking his hair.

“I like your hair like this.”

It takes Jiang Cheng a second to realise that he should reply, that he’s still awake. “Mhm?”

“You usually tie it back.” Lan Xichen lets one strand of hair run between his fingers, then tucks it behind Jiang Cheng’s ear.

“I should cut it short again. Been months. A year.” Jiang Cheng wonders if it’s possible to fall asleep while talking. He’s surprised by every word that manages to squeeze through his tired lips.

“I like it.”

“You like a lot of things. My flat, my hair, my face…”

“It’s true. I do.” Lan Xichen is smiling, Jiang Cheng can hear it.

“Me too. Like yours. You.”

“Mhm, that’s good.”

Jiang Cheng falls asleep then, but Lan Xichen’s presence follows him into his dreams. He sleeps very well.

[crossdressingdeath]

Whenever I hear someone talking about how JC ‘sacrificed himself’ or ‘gave up his core’ for WWX (I’m paraphrasing a bit but that tends to be the gist of the argument) I always find myself disagreeing because rather than the act of bravery and selflessness that they try to portray it as it always strikes me as a split-second impulsive decision that should have been considered and discarded.

At the end of chapter 110 we find out that JC allowed himself to be caught by the Wens so that WWX would be free. Therefore this is the decision that leads to consequences including the golden core transfer, which lead to the necessity of WWX inventing demonic cultivation and his later inability to return to orthodox cultivation, which was a contributing factor to WWX being reviled by the sects and eventually killed. It’s obviously an important event and a point at which the entire story turns. In a way, this decision puts in motion the chain of events that gives the book its name. And in my opinion, outside of the context of a narrative where this had to happen for the sake of that narrative, it didn’t need to happen.

JC’s internal dialogue at the end of chapter 110 tells us that he spotted a group of Wen cultivators that would soon come across WWX, with the assumption that he would be captured, and so JC chooses to use himself as a distraction. It’s unlikely that he was trying to get caught, or if he just intended to cause a commotion and then disappear, but he was caught, so whatever he may have intended doesn’t really matter. The reason I see this as an impulsive and ultimately unnecessary decision is because of the circumstances surrounding it: WWX is shown in every adaptation to have used a hat as a disguise, furthermore he doesn’t wear any sect colours and he doesn’t have his sword at this point so there’s no reason for anyone to assume he’s a cultivator (and there’s no evidence that cultivators can sense the presence of other cultivators, otherwise XXC would have found XY without needing to hear him and wouldn’t have to be told that this ‘nameless guest’ has some cultivation experience). Even if they do recognise him as a cultivator, out of the two of them WWX is the one who would probably be able to convincingly lie that he’s a solitary rogue cultivator buying food for the road. More than WWX being unrecognised as WWX in the street though, JC’s capture is likely to put WWX in more danger rather than less: the Wens know that JC and WWX escaped Lotus Pier together and that it’s likely they’ve stayed together, finding one of them in this town increases the odds that the other one is here as well and they might increase their efforts rather than focus all of them on JC. Also, it seems that JC didn’t consider that the ‘brother’ who’s been told by both of JC’s parents to protect JC/die for JC would come after him, therefore just setting back any progress or distance they managed in order for WWX to come back for JC and then have to make another escape but this time with fewer distractions they could potentially rely on. These are conclusions JC should have been able to make with a moment of thinking through the consequences of his decision.

This is actually a case where JC’s actions are worse in CQL. In that there’s a scene where WWX tells JC to take care of JYL because she has a fever before he leaves to buy supplies. So there JC not only makes the decision to leave his sick sister alone, he also essentially forces WWX to choose between them. He knows WWX loves JYL, but he also knows that WWX just swore to protect JC with his life. WWX can either stay with JYL and help her escape or he can go to Lotus Pier to rescue JC from the results of his own stupid decisions. He doesn’t even really have any good options — I don’t remember JC ever thanking WWX for the extremely dangerous rescue mission, but you can bet that if WWX had decided to prioritise getting a feverish JYL to somewhere he knew she’d be safe by the time he managed to rescue JC he’d be berated for not dropping anything else for JC, if he was still alive at that point after refusing to eat or drink due to believing himself worthless without a golden core.

To be fair if memory serves the Wens were suspicious of WWX, but yeah. I think it’s pretty clear that JC didn’t intend to get captured and have his core removed; in fact based on his reaction he didn’t even consider it as a possibility. The core thing, at least. It’s not a sacrifice if the person making it didn’t know what the consequences would probably be! It’s like how running blindly into danger isn’t really courage, because to be truly brave you have to consider the risks of what you’re doing. If you don’t consider the danger, you aren’t overcoming your fear of it. JC jumped in to draw the Wens off on impulse; that’s not a sacrifice. Also, it was stupid. As you say, JC charging in like that was likely to draw more attention down on WWX, especially once he was recognised; it’s no secret that JC and WWX are together pretty much all the time, so once the Wens recognised JC they’d realise that odds were that the guy they were approaching was WWX. And yeah, it should’ve been pretty obvious to JC that WWX would come after him, leaving both of them in danger. In fact if memory serves JC never shows any surprise at WWX getting him out, so it’s quite possible he did realise WWX would show up. And like. he could’ve... knocked something over? Shouted? Run over to WWX to warn him? He basically just runs out waving his arms and shouting “Hey, big name target right here!” It’s so stupid. Please... subtlety...

And yeah, in CQL JC fully leaves his sick sister alone and then creates a situation where WWX can either protect her or go after JC? And he would for sure have been pissy about WWX choosing JYL, even after JC chose to protect WWX. Even when JC is trying to help someone else he still causes them no end of trouble...

[fishylife]

Street Dance of China S4 Ep 3

(I’m having problems with Tumblr not saving my posts...)

- Oh no people are going to start getting eliminated! :o Well, I’m still really glad that we had two whole episodes of people just dancing and having fun and getting the opportunity to showcase who they are and how they dance.

- This question just occurred to me, but where do people look when they watch dance performances? As I watched the Go Go Brothers, I was thinking to myself, “Where do I look? If I look at one of them, I might miss what the other Brother is doing!” Just my musings lol.

- I am super shallow but people tripping makes me laugh, so yes, Nelson accidentally tripping did make me chuckle. (+ Rochka’s reaction)

- Yibo and Yixing discussing the SDOC theme song. It made me laugh because the lyrics are kind of hype but Yibo and Yixing aren’t exactly the most facially expressive people lol.

- After every performance Henry’d be like “let’s collaborate!!!!!!” Han Geng finally stepped in being like aight Henry you gotta take it easy on the recruitment because we’ve literally only seen three performances. I’m still not really sure of the format of the show from now on, so I’m not sure if they form new teams afterwards.

- Yixing was so guilty about not giving Bouboo a vote.

- Rochka’s shock @ Boubou not getting four votes.

- He’s ashamed.

- I think if a dancer gets less than 4 votes, then other dancers are allowed to challenge them for a spot to advance, but whoever loses is eliminated out of the tournament, so you have to be super confident to challenge. And if a dancer only gets 1 or 2 votes, they are eliminated.

- Yibo asked Rochka why he wouldn’t challenge Bouboo and Rochka said he’d never go against his teacher/big brother v.v They exchanged hearts but then Rochka pretended to throw the heart away and crush it lol.

- While I was expecting a bit more from Bouboo, I don’t think his challenger JC Jun was better than him. JC Jun was kind of wobbly, and I think his dance didn’t match the music as well as Bouboo’s did.

- Yixing had his head down when he voted for Ibuki too, so I think he just gets nervous about voting.

- Henry wanted to say that Ibuki was like lightning but he said the word for a flashing light/disco light and Han Geng wanted to give him shit for it.

- Yixing said that he thought AC’s waacking almost felt like krump.Yixing said that if he was to collaborate with AC, AC should do the arm swing, and Yixing would do the waacking lol. I am all for seeing Yixing doing more dance styles! Not gonna lie, I think he’d look cute doing waacking.

- Ye Yin’s performance was really nice! The music was unique and the way he danced, with the tap dance and folk-like elements really suited it.

- Rochka said he wants to know Ye Yin more and said they also have the same smile.

- Xiao Jie said he’d never battle Ye Yin but he got peer pressured by the captains into freestyling to Ye Yin’s self-produced song lol.

- To show face, you know? The entire time he was like “but this doesn’t count, okay?!!!!” since he wasn’t actually challenging Ye Yin, and it was just for funsies.

- The judges were a bit troubled by Xiaoming’s performance because at the end, he was supposed to fall but his fall wasn’t coordinated with the sound effect in the music. Xiaoming was like yeah, it’s pretty difficult but I’m hoping that my challenger wouldn’t be able to get it too and Yixing was laughing his goose laugh. But Xiaoming was eliminated with zero votes in the end.

- Kelo and Uwa had a horror mental hospital-themed dance which was interesting. Kelo said it was based on a nightmare he had as a child.

- Yang Kai wasn’t impressed though. He said he’d performed something similar with Liangliang before. He felt that Kelo and Uwa were performing but not really dancing. I can see where he’s coming from. Kelo and Uwa got three votes.

- Xiaohai ended up challenging them. He used the wheelchair too but like...somehow his expression just makes us unable to not laugh.

- I think he did really well considering he’d only heard the music once. And he returned to the wheelchair at the end of the performance lmfao

- Apparently when Xiaohai was looking up at the beginning, he was asking Li Yulong (who I assume is the person in charge of the music) for music cues but Li Yulong just laughed at him lol.

- Yibo basically said that Kelo and Uwa’s performance felt a bit abrupt in the story telling side, and that there weren’t really highs and lows to their performance.

- Rochka was talking crap about Bouboo behind his back and Yibo tattled which resulted in Rochka getting whacked in the face.

- Zyko taught Yibo and Rochka how to do his fancy leg moves.

- Yixing talking krump with Auju. Auju was like you’re really good for someone who’s only been learning for a year, but then Yixing was like, I practise 6 hours a day and Auju was like ?!?!

- Zyko + Henry (with Henry’s infamous “getting down while playing violin” move)

- Poppin’C introduced himself, saying he was from Italy and Switzerland, and Yibo and Yixing were thinking of all the things from Italy they knew. Yibo was like “...Valentino Rossi...” and Yixing was like “....pizza.....” These two spacey twinks istg.

- Anyway, Poppin’C’s performance was nice. Not only were his moves clean and impressive, but he also expressed the lyrics through his dance.

- Rochka fanboying over Poppin’C’s dance :P At one point, the lyrics were about hearts, and Poppin’C did some moves where he made a heart and Rochka here is saying how cute it was.

- Poppin’C said he missed his daughter and everybody’s like ?? a baby??? :3 :3 :3

- Also, I saw Uwa in the audience, so I think that the eliminated contestants get to continue watching.

- Poppin’C said that before, he was more fierce, but now that he has a daughter, he’s a little smoother and sweeter :3 Also he was describing that the singer’s voice in the song made his skin feel like chicken and everybody was like ??? Luckily Yixing saved the day lol. In Chinese, goose bumps are called “chicken pimples” or something like that.

- Bozi was next. In his introduction, Bozi said he was from Guangzhou, and maybe that’s why it sounded like so many people in the audience were pronouncing 波子 in Cantonese.

- Eleven said something very interesting about B-boys. He said that in their profession of dance, they don’t fear b-boys who can do tricks, but they fear b-boys who can listen to music. I think it’s a reference to the fact that b-boys are often doing their own thing and disregard the music, which makes sense. Sometimes b-boys are closer to gymnasts because they are so focused on the spins and other really athletic moves they do. But because their moves are so difficult, they sometimes don’t move to the music which is supposed to be the point of dancing.

- Bozi passed with 4 votes. And he did a bit of krump at the beginning, which Yixing admitted he fell for haha. Bozi said that Eleven helped him choreograph that part, so it’s Eleven who knows Yixing well >3

- The director asked Bozi who he thought his biggest b-boy rival on the show was. Of course, we all thought he was going to say Lil Kev, but he ended up saying Xiaoji and Xiaoji was like ?? me?? Bozi’s reasoning was that he’s more troubled by dancers with a different style from him because he doesn’t know how to beat them. From the small clips they showed, I think Xiaoji has a more animated style, whereas Bozi is more serious and reserved.

- Acky-san cheering on MT Pop lol. (”Embarrassing dad at baseball game” mode activate)

- MT Pop has really impressed me in the competition so far though. The way he moves is so cool and creative. I think he purposely goes for a kind of...monster vibe? Like he often has this creepy smile on his face lol. He’s not only dancing, but he’s using popping techniques to change how he moves entirely, including simple things like walking or how he turns his head. I think MT Pop is my favourite contestant.

- He said the monster from Pan’s Labrynth inspired this dance. So I guess I was kind of right that he does draw inspiration from monsters and other creatures.

- Low key mad at Han Geng for not giving MT Pop his vote lol. Geng-ge said he wanted to give someone a chance to challenge. Of all people, why MT Pop?? I don’t want him to goooo.

- Henry wanted to try doing the voiceover for the challenger and Han Geng indulged his overdramatic ass.

- Baby Dolphin challenged. He had some cool moves at the beginning, but I think he fell apart a bit towards the end, based on the judges’ reactions (as we didn’t see the full performance). Plus, I think MT Pop’s approach to dancing is just too unique and interesting to eliminate at this point.

- Kabamba had an interesting performance that had African and Latin influences, with big and energetic movements. Tianci challenged but he went with a general hip hop approach which did not suit the music at all. (I looked up Kabamba. Her name is Latrice Kabamba, but she also goes by 林珊娜 on her social media, which is why she’s sometimes called Nana on the show).

- Acky-san was repeating everything that people were saying around him. Stuff like jiayou!! and other words of encouragement. Dianmen who was sitting next to him was just lol’ing.

- Ma Xiaolong was performing to a song called 棋 and this word usually refers to any kind of board game. Ma Xiaolong’s first moves looked like he was putting pieces on a board and you just know that kind of stuff draws Yixing’s attention right away.

- I think Kenken’s style of dance is the kind of dance that the general public would really enjoy. Whereas some kinds of dance don’t really appeal to people who aren’t into dance, I think Kenken’s kind of dance will attract both the dance-conscious people as well as those who aren’t. I definitely got that vibe from him in the dance that he choreographed, and also his individual performance.

- Not even gonna question this. Perfection. Rochka catboy here we go.

- Okay, I agree with Colin’s performance not making the cut. Based on his introduction, he was supposed to be a popping expert, but his dance didn’t showcase that. His dance was more of a contemporary dance piece, but while we’ve had performances similar to that, his choreography didn’t stand out in comparison. After his performance he had a bit of a cry. Yixing mentioned that it was hard to judge because of the emotional aspect. But admittedly, this emotional stuff is usually the reason why I don’t like competition shows. It was revealed that Colin had lost his grandfather. Now, I’m going to sound cold, but I don’t like it when sob stories are brought in, because it makes us feel bad when we don’t like a piece of art that comes from very pure intentions. Yixing’s reasoning for not giving a vote was that he felt that the emotions overshadowed the dance, which is a problem because this is a show about dance. Han Geng’s reasoning was that he felt that the skill level could have been better. Yibo was quite moved by the performance, and I think that’s why he gave his vote to Colin.

- We got a preview for this week’s hotpot show.

- Yixing and his emotional support giant cup

- Lots of laughing (including Yixing laughing) which is good for the soul

[purplesurveys]

1183

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (1/3)

And we will fall in love with shooting stars. - A

Have you ever seen an Aardvark? I don’t think so.

Were you ever abandoned in a public place as a child? Where? Abandoned is a pretty harsh word lol. My parents did like playing pranks on me and hide whenever I’d get distracted at the grocery or department store. They’d let me get nervous or even tear up for a bit until showing up again.

What accent do you have? I guess just your standard Filipino English accent that’s common among people who were able to take up English studies. I don’t really know how to describe it.

Is there someone in your family addicted to something? What is it? I don’t think so.

Have you ever been under general anaesthetic? What were you having done? I think so? When I had a tooth extraction done on me two years ago I was told I was going to be injected with anaesthesia, but I didn’t feel as if anything changed throughout the procedure. Either my dentist told me fake news lol or he’s just really good at his job for me to not notice anything.

How do you show the ones you love affection? It depends on the person. Around my friends, I know I’ve had taken a liking to them once I start getting especially talkative with them. For people I have even deeper relationships with, I like...buying them gifts, I guess. Getting them things that remind me of them. I would also bend over backwards to do nice deeds for them, like driving them to their destination even if I find it far.

Are you more passive or aggressive? I tend to be very passive aggressive in the way I deal with things.

Do you like the band Aha!? Not in particular.

Do you know anyone called Aidan? What are they like? Nope.

Ever heard of the band Ajax? No but I know that’s a brand of like cleaner or something. That’s close enough to ‘band’ haha.

Do you know anyone called Akash? I don’t either.

Do the sound of fire alarms scare you? They would obviously be scary if it rang for a real reason. Who wouldn’t freak out over a fire?

Do you live in America? If so, which state? If visited, where'd you go? No, and I’ve never visited either. I’d love to take a trip to cities like New York, New Orleans, Portland, and Chicago one of these days.

Have you ever had an ant infestation in your house? Only when there’s food left out accidentally.

Aora - did I spell that correctly? I don’t even know what you’re referring to, so I can’t tell you if you’ve spelled whatever it is right.

Do you have a preference in Apple? What type do you prefer? I don’t quite get this question - like a preference within Apple products? I mean, a phone and a laptop are essentials for me, and generally I do prefer having an iPhone and Macbook over other brands; but I can live without an iPad, an Apple Watch, iMac, Apple Pen, etc...if this is what you mean.

Are you an Aquarian? Is anyone in your family/your partner/best friend? ...You mean Aquarius? No. I don’t believe in astrology nor pay attention to zodiac signs either, so I wouldn’t be able to name Aquariuses that I know right off the bat.

Have you ever worn any type of armor? Which type? I don’t think I’ve ever had to, no.

Do you use the word ass a lot? Kinda, but it’s usually part of a longer word, i.e. asshole, asshat, deadass, etc.

Have you or your family had an attorney? What for? Not to my knowledge.

Is your car/family’s car an automatic gear or manual? Automatic.

Are you interested in aviation, piloting and aircrafts? Just the slightest bit. I would love to learn how to fly a plane, and I would be willing to pay for lessons. It’s just the type of activity that’s super hard to squeeze into an already-hectic schedule of mine.

What was the last award you recieved for? A academic distinction in college.

Axl Rose - like or dislike? Like, but I’m nowhere near a passionate fan. I just don’t have any reasons to actively dislike him.

Do you like air being spelt ayre or ayer in rap or hiphop or is it nasty? I don’t care.

Is the sky outside Azure? If not, what shade is it? No, it’s pitch black.

Belle amour (we've been here before). - B

Do you call anyone baby? Is it sweet or an overrated name for affection? Just my dogs. I find it sweet; it’s my preferred term of endearment if in a relationship.

Bby - does this shortened version bug you? No; my friends and I use this with each other.

Do you know what BC in terms of time stands for? Before Christ, but I prefer using BCE.

BDf - For or against? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Do you prefer beach breaks, city breaks or winter breaks? Why? Beach breaks. Winter break is an immediate cross-out since we don’t even have winter; and I already live and work in an urban area as it is. Beaches are my way to go if I want to escape life for a bit and completely unwind.

Do you spell out boyfriend properly or put bf in texts/online? I can use either depending on what I feel like typing out. It’s not that serious haha.

Do you know what bg is short for? Upon reading this question I immediately thought ‘background,’ but if this question had another meaning in mind I wouldn’t be aware of it.

Do you know anyone with the last name Bhays? No.

Have you ever been bird watching? What did you see? No, doesn’t sound like my kind of hobby.

Do you like Bjork? Not in particular, but just like the Axl Rose question I don’t have anything against her either.

What does this read: bk 2moz miss u lyk fk. Doesn't this text speak annoy? No one types like this anymore at least among people I know, but I imagine it would lowkey bother me a bit.

Do you like BMWs? They’re whatever. I don’t pay attention to cars much.

What is the nearest book to you called? How many times have you read it? There aren’t any books here up on the rooftop.

BnQ - gone there? What did you buy? Idk what that is.

Are you more brainy or brave? I wanna say brainy, if anything? I’m pretty jumpy lol.

Did you like the BSBs (Backstreet Boys) as a kid? How about now? No, I’m a little too young for that generation of artists and groups.

Burgers, Hot Dogs or Salads at a Barbecue? We don’t really practice ~barbecues~ here. But at Filipino parties I would usually flock to lumpia and fried chicken, hehe.

Do you have a Byro? No, because I also don’t know what that is.

Cold eyes and filthy lies all leave me petrified. - C

Do you have a Cactus (Cacti)? No, I don’t like plans.

Do you know what a CCTV is? Yes...?

How many CDs are in the room you are currently in? None where I am right now but I have all of Beyoncé’s albums save for Lemonade in my bedroom. I also have Paramore’s self-titled album and Hayley Williams’ Petals For Armor. My CD collection is about to experience a revival because of BTS, though. My plan to get all versions of all their albums is rock solid, lmao.

What's your favourite cereal brand? Cookie Crisps.

Do you like children's TV shows still? Which one(s)? I’ll revisit an episode or two of shows I watched as a kid at a given time for old times’ sake, but I don’t regularly watch children’s TV shows anymore. I haven’t for a very long time.

Cinnamon - Yum or Yuck? I’m actually kind of in the middle about it. I feel like too many desserts have been banking on cinnamon, so the taste of it can be a little tiring. It’s delicious if I haven’t had it for a while, though.

Do you know anyone with the initials and or name CJ? Quite the opposite; I know PLENTY of JCs, even my sister is one. I know one or two CJs but that’s it.

Have you ever met a self professed clairvoyant? What did they do/say? No.

Do you watch CNN News? What's your prefered news channel/show? I don’t tune into the channel but every once in a while I will encounter a CNN link on social media that I’d actually click on and read through. As for preferred news sources, I don’t have one as there are matters to criticize about 99% of them lol; but I am most likely to trust articles I from AP or Reuters. Just things you pick up as a journalism student. 

How many cousins do you have? I have 9 first cousins. I lose count by the time I try to go beyond that since I don’t even know all of my dad’s cousins, which makes it hard to track who my second cousins are.

Do you still draw with crayons? When was the last time you did? Drew what? I don’t remember anymore.

Do you know what a CSS feed is? What is it? I’m familiar with the term but never bothered to learn about what it is.

Do you like cycling/biking? What type of bike do you have? ...I don’t even know how to ride a bike.

Do you really like it, is it is it wicked. - D

What is the most dangerous animal you've petted/held? I can’t decide between snake or crocodile.

Do you like Death Metal? If so, which band(s)? I wouldn’t say I do.

Did you ever keep a diary/journal? I did a million attempts to keep a diary when I was younger, but I was never able to keep up with any of them and I ended up having 4598358395 notebooks with one or two entries each at most. Having a Tumblr page for surveys has so far been my most successful streak at keeping some type of journal.

Do you prefer small, medium, large or no dogs? I prefer all dogs.

Do you know what DP stands for in porn? Yes.

Have you ever dressed up as a celebrity for a party/Halloween? I went as my favorite female wrestler once. I wouldn’t strictly call her a celebrity, but she’s a very well-known personality in the wrestling industry so she’s popular in that right.

DS or Wii? Why? Wii. I was able to make more memories with it.

Does dust make you sneeze or cough? Sneeze, usually.

How many DVDs do you have all together? Idk, I don’t buy DVDs anymore.

Do you dye your hair regularly, sometimes or never? I’ve never done it.

Every love lies sometimes . . . - E

What's something you refuse to eat? Most fruits.

Don't you think the word ebb is so pretty? I’m neutral about it. I don’t use it a lot.

Do you like Chocolate Eclairs? I love eclairs in general haha. Chocolate eclairs in particular sound delicious.

Ever tried edible paper? Yeah, with the White Rabbit candy.

Eevee - pretty name or too Pokemon-y? Definitely very Pokemon-y. 

Do you sometimes mix up the spellings/meanings of affection and defection? Erm, no? They have completely different spellings and meanings, so I personally have never switched them up.

Do you have a big ego, low self esteem or somewhere in between? I think I’m somewhere in between. I’m insecure about some things about myself, but I don’t really put myself down 24/7. I feel like that would put such a strain on my mental health, which I certainly would never need.

What Element does your starsign fall under? I think earth? My co-workers were just discussing this last Friday, but I couldn’t really butt in since I can’t bring myself to care about astrology. I know they mentioned Taurus being an earth sign though.

Do you show your emotions easily and freely or hide them? Depends...I can do either depending on the situation.

What is your favourite form of entertainment? Korean reality shows are quickly becoming a favorite of mine at the moment. I also like compilation videos on YouTube.

What will they write on your epitaph? I’ve honestly hadn’t put much thought into this yet, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. It just seems like a super grave thing to think about lol.

Estimate/guess what number we are on now? Maybe 60s or 70s?

Do you know basic social etiquette? I mean etiquette will always differ per country or culture, so what is basic in other countries might not be here, and vice versa. I think it’s hard to measure.

Does your country use the Euro, Great British Pound, Dollar or other? Other.

Do you still get excited on Christmas Eve? Yes. Mostly for the free food and the opportunity to see relatives I really only ever see every December 24.

What animal/creature that is extinct do you wish wasn't? Those that went extinct from human activity.

What colour eyes do your parents have? Black/dark brown.

[golbrocklovely]

Dude when she cursed at the chat after she cursed at one person i was like 🤦🏼. I just knew it was going to blow up, and the mods were divided between telling her to chill and defending her before they put it on emote only. She's a public figure technically, and yeah it sucks to see people coming at you but its way worse to react that way you know because even if they are not fans, they still know who she is and its not a good look. Imagine if JC went on her stream and got mad and went off, her chat would react the same. People kept commenting how much they loved Franny and Nezzas facial expressions because you could tell they were over it & JC laughed and said he noticed that and loved Frannys expressions. A simple trivia stream or a cooking stream would be good for Tara but this.... to literally stall, change the rules,curse, and complain is not a good look. If it wasnt the 'Im a vegetarian' comment she said "Im going to throw up", "I need my inhaler", "I have dinner with Jake after i cant drink" like girl theres saying "I cant handle this challenge please let me do something else" & saying she's up for anything but when it comes to she complains and throws a fit. Thing is Jazmin also annoyed people because she kept trying to negotiate but she also did the challenges like ate wet dog food, and let JC draw on her with a sharpie eventhough she had a date right after..

Me too, i expect this from her, she's done so many lives and said stuff thats made me side eye her like the sugar surgery stream, her comments on how it was okay to party on and off during the pandemic, and JCs streams to where im like 1000% positive if i were ever to meet her i would not mesh well with her energy. I cant handle people like that. Plus JC is literally a very nice guy and even if he kids a lot and takes that type of treatment doesnt mean he deserves it.

i know these aren't all the same ppl, but i figured since you all were talking about tara, i'd put them all together :)

1st ask: yeah, i don't exactly love the fact that she cursed at his chat, regardless of what they were saying back to her (as long as they weren't being threatening towards her, which i don't think they were). not to mention this is someone else's fanbase; don't be mean to them bc you feel like they don't like you for not playing the game that you said you would play.

and yeah those suggestions for streams would be good with tara.

and no offense to jc, but like... this whole stream doesn't sound fun the way you guys are talking about it haha (i mean, i figure it probs was to some degree). but i get complaining about the challenges bc they are weird or hard. but there does come a point when you gotta shit or get off the pot, you know?

i know we've talked about the sugar stream before. i don't think anything was wrong with that stream, and i don't really wanna talk about it since it's an old discussion. but i get not liking tara for whatever reason.

i do wanna say tho, that is jc allows her to treat him like that, that's his own prerogative, and if he can't stand up to her, that's his own shit to deal with. not for us to assume.

2nd ask: i think she does well on her own lives bc it's her fanbase and she knows how to interact with them. i also think with her own fanbase, she knows the demo is relatively young. so cursing or being vulgar probs isn't the way to go. vs jc's fanbase, who are more young adult-ish, it's easier for her to let loose and curse and be an adult, which she is lol

and i get the spit takes and whatnot. i think she was probs just being a bit dramatic bc she was uncomfortable.

3rd ask: i obviously don't know how she brought up her severe asthma and whatnot, so i can't really comment on it. obviously, you can be upset since you have it if you think she's lying or up-playing the asthma she has. maybe she meant that she didn't bring her inhaler with her in front of the stream bc it was in her bag somewhere else in the house? again, not sure of the context in which she said it. but maybe that's what she meant.

and i still feel like, the way you guys are describing it, she should have just been there for moral support. but maybe she assumed jc would tone down the challenges or make them super easy. idk of course.

i also feel like, in general, that maybe tara acted the way she did bc she wasn't in a good mood, for whatever reason. that doesn't give her the right to curse and yell at jc's stream, but it might explain her actions a bit better to know that maybe she wasn't really in the best headspace.

[oosteven-universe]

C.H.E.S.S. #1

C.H.E.S.S. #1 Second Sight Publishing 2021 Created & Plot by Alfredo Paige Plot & Written by Alex De-Gruchy Illustrated by JC Fubal & Hakan Aydin Coloured by Jorge Cortes & Bryan Mangaye Lettered by Troy Peteri    Missions by no rules... Second Sight comics introduces you to C.H.E.S.S. When hard decisions need to be made Avery Davis makes them. By putting together a under the radar Strike Team to take on missions that need a personal touch. Avery sends the C.H.E.S.S. Team to investigate business man Nakadi after hearing about his crooked actions from a inside source.    If you’ve been paying attention than you’ll remember the Blowtorch review I did not too long ago, well this is the team he belongs to.  One of the things that is a big draw for me here is that they aren’t heroes in the traditional sense of the word, I mean sure they are a covert ops force but they’ve got uniforms and enhanced weaponry.  So in a lot of way it reminds me of Checkmate and since no one else is publishing a book like this it’s got its own little corner of the market all to itself.      I like how this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is presented extremely well.  This is the type of book where a mission briefing does wonders in setting up what the story is going to be about while also ensuring us that nothing will go to plan.  Already we the potential for something disastrous as an outsider is brought in and while Avery trusts him, no one should be trusted that much, I do hope that this is a bit of foreshadowing.  The character development is interesting and when it comes to a team book it’s best to focus on a couple of them and pepper in the others so that we’re left with the desire to want to know and see more of the characters which is what we see happening here.  The pacing is superb and as it takes us through the pages revealing the story we get a great look at what this could be all about.    With how this is being structured and how the layers within the story are seen, its nice that some play through the teams past while others are centric to this story, it sets the stage rather quite nicely.  How everything works together to create the story’s ebb & flow as it also moves the story forward is also well executed.     The interiors here are pretty solid.  Though someone might wanna watch the linework because I can’t tell if the blonde on the first page has scars or if that’s just facial lines.  Just work on consistency because I see that might be an issue but with experience comes getting the hang of it and like I said the work is pretty solid.  There also needs to be more backgrounds being utilised they not only enhance the moments but help with the depth perception, sense of scale and the overall sense of size and scope to the book.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a talented eye for storytelling.  The colour work we see in incredible.  I like how we see the various hues and tones within the colours being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work.   ​     Great concept, great team and off to a superb start I am looking forward to seeing a clandestine off the books kind of group where brains & brawn are all they need.  Sure the villains we see making an introduction are going to light up next issue but they seem more like augmented through science kind of villains and in all honesty this, this is what has me excited once again.  Untraditional to say the least and yet this is how it all got started for folks like Fury and Flagg so bring it on i’m stoked for what’s next!

[dorkylittleweirdo]

things i remember from cult camp

so i was at this cult school for two years, so that means i went to cult camp twice. but they were at two different places and both of them Sucked

~

so my first year

~

the bus ride was SIX BLOODY HOURS LONG

~

i met my now best friend on that bus ride bc she asked to sit next to me and i went 😒, we didn’t talk for three hours, i put on my anime sweatshirt, she knew the fucking anime, and we’ve been best bros since then

~

out bus took a wrong turn and we got Lost for a hot minute but me and my Bro were unaware bc we were busy vibing

~

so we had chapel as soon as we got there. they asked us to stand if we hadn’t accepted god into our hearts. i stood, as did my Bro and another girl from my soon to be group of friends. three of us standing. out of maybe 200 people who all looked repulsed by us. i started crying bc i thought i was gonna get kicked out of the school. someone i hung out with later told me he thought i was having a religious experience and i had a good laugh telling him that nah, i just thought i was gonna get expelled

~

my Bro and i were in the same house and our last names put us in the same cabin so we bunked together

~

one of the teachers got mad at me bc i wasn’t singing the worship songs

~

so i was on the cross country team and the team wanted us to be The First sports team working out every morning for some reason. FIVE IN THE GODDAMN AM, we were outside iN THE COLD MOUNTAIN AREA, it’s like oNE DEGREE OUTSIDE, i’m in sHoRtS and a tAnKtOp, it’s so fUcking dark i needed a flashlight to even see two feet in front of me. AND EVERYONE ELSE WAS FUCKING LATE. i was waiting for deadass 10 minutes before anyone else showed up. i was cold, i was scared, i was standing there freezing my ass off, flashlight in hand. everyone came tho and we ran but holy fuck i mean i Could Not see the trail, i just followed the sound of everyone’s footsteps

~

so it’s like a little past 7 in the morning by the time we’re done with practice, and chapel was at 8, so i was going back to my cabin to shower before taking an hour long nap in chapel. my junior year spanish teacher stopped me, pulls me aside, and real quiet “JC i can see your bra”. nO SHIT. i go “oh yeah this was fro cross country, i’m gonna shower and change now”, she goes “well you might wanna choose something else to practice in bc that’s not appropriate”. so me being a salty lil bitch, i tuck my arms into my tank top and pull off my sports bra, pop my arms back out, smile at her, and go on my way

~

i bought ear plugs at the lil store they have bc chapel was way too loud

~

almost got in trouble for bringing my “controversial” opinions to chapel

~

everyone got so fucking mad bc they were giving out lil bottles of water and i was like “oh thank fuck i’m so thirsty” so i drank it. it was holy water

~

and now my second year. arguably more fun bc i had a Solid friend group of sinners

~

so the bus ride was only three hours to this place. my Bro and i sat next to each other and listened to bops and shared memes until we didn’t have service anymore

~

we got put in the same cabin again. the dynamic duo

~

my favorite memory is recreating the “welcome to bible study we’re all children of jesus” vine in our cabin after everyone left

~

so my second favorite memory. they told us not to have food in our cabins bc there were bears around. my friends and i hid some food in bushes. we thought “well bears probably won’t come, but if we see some raccoons that would be lit”. well not only did we attract one bear, we attracted three

~

there were so many frogs. we had so much fun catching them lmao

~

we played cards against humanity outside every night. one time a teacher asked what we were playing and i panicked and blurted out “apples to apples” and she went on her way, so we started calling it apples to apples but better

~

okay i talk so much shit about this camp but like. the night sky. that’s the main reason i went, just so i could see that. it’s so breathtakingly beautiful, like if it had been Not christian cult camp it would’ve been way cooler, like if i had done something like that with my summer camp. but something about it hits real different when you’re laying in the grass staring up at the sky with your fellow sinners at a camp where you’re forced to pray to a god you’ve never believed in. it’s so holy and sacrilege all at once

~

a girl from my grade looked over to see me drawing Sinful Things the gays kissing and she’s like “tf you doing” and real sarcastic i go “tryna summon the devil, do you Mind” and she scoffs and goes “even if you could do that, we’re in church” i go “so” she goes “so the devil can’t be in church, it’s consecrated ground” and i look her dead in the eye and say “then how am i sitting here right now”

~

my Bro and i slept in and we missed breakfast and we were doing things listening to music alone in our cabin bc phones aren’t allowed at cult camp so we had to do it in secret during lunch, so we were Starving by the time we had free time after afternoon chapel. the teachers literally wouldn’t let us go get our snacks from the snack room even tho they were ours. cons of being full of sin i guess. so there were cactus fruits growing around our cabin and i go “hey we can eat those, i know how to peel em and shit”. so we grabbed a few and went behind our cabin to eat them and i stg we ate that shit like we’d never eaten in our lives. so naturally we were covered in juice when we were done and we were like “okay let’s shower and change since it’s still free time” so we rolled back up into our cabin. the other girls are already there, changing and talking. they look at us and just go quiet. “what happened to you guys??” my Bro goes “don’t ask” then walks into the shower. they look at me, thinking we freshly murdered and ate someone or something. juice all over my face, my hands, my clothes. “don’t go behind the cabin”, and i go to the other shower

~

they had a milkshake shop, so we went there every night. one of my other friends and i sang a lot. this was before i destroyed my throat and had to start over, so i was pretty decent at the time. it was a lot of fun. nights were filled with aching laughter, fries, and milkshakes

~

a massive moth got into out cabin and since i’m the resident bug person, it was my job to catch it and put it outside. girls are screaming, my short ass is scrambling up the bunk beds trying to catch it, it was a mess

~

the bus broke down on the way back so we took a field trip to walmart after going to the mall for snacks

[lwjstiletto]

wangxian au where lwj is a popular hand model and wwx is an independent jewellery maker [Part 2]

[Part 1]

their monthly sibling catch-up jenga ruins wwx’s plans to mope for the foreseeable future.

jc is concentrating very hard on wiggling a piece out and wwx would usually make fun of him but he can only conjure enough energy to pull out the easy looking pieces today so he has no high ground.

“name 3 good things that happened to you.” jc frowns as he reads the wooden cuboid, “like ever? or in the last month?”

jyl doesn’t quite give him a look, but a slight downturn of her lip still gets the point across.

jc sighs, “an old student of mine opened a gallery, xichen and i went for brunch and wei wuxian hasn’t bothered me in a while. what’s up with that by the way?”

“my turn.” wwx says unenthusiastically and pulls a loose jenga piece. ‘how is your love life?’ it reads. can jenga be rigged? it has to be rigged.

“you know we’re allowed to ask questions outside the jenga right?” jc snaps.

wwx knows. wwx also knows that the jenga questions were only introduced by jyl to stimulate conversation between an angry jc and a stubborn wwx when he’d come back two years ago from his apprenticeship abroad.

but wwx also doesn’t want to talk about his humiliating interaction with the man who his brother had called ‘wangji’. he even has a nice name. why is wwx’s life so hard?

“a-xian,” jyl starts, “are you alright?”

wwx looks at her with a pout, “how can i be when we’ve not seen each other for weeks? i missed you.”

jyl smiles indulgently, “i missed you too. next time you should come with me, lotus pier seems empty without you two.”

jc looks like he wants to prod wwx more but then he looks over at wwx’s jenga piece and starts to laugh. wwx hates it here.

—•—

lwj wears gloves when he’s not working to shield his hands from things like tanning, small scratches, drying out etc. any normal person would overlook these as minuscule imperfections but it could put him out of his job for weeks

he has custom made moisturising cotton gloves that he wears during the night; and thicker cotton or leather gloves for the day, depending on the weather

at first, he had found this incredibly bothersome. a month or so into it he stopped noticing them and suffered through various incidents where he tried to eat with gloves on or, on a particularly horrifying occasion, wash his hands with them.

but now, he has begun to indulge. he buys gloves in materials which are impractical, which he can only wear when he has nowhere to go and nothing to do.

there are the pastel lace gloves that draw patterns from his fingers up to his elbows, the white satin ones with frills, and finally the fingerless black gloves made of supple, soft leather.

(for ref)

they make him feel a certain type of way that he is too embarrassed to put in words, so he doesn’t.

he puts them away in a drawer on the furthest corner in his wardrobe that he only opens when he needs a confidence boost or after a particularly tiring shoot

today happens to be the latter, except it has been multiple tiring shoots and while his muscles aren’t aching anymore, he still feels like he deserves something nice.

he retrieves a new pair of leather gloves that have an adjustable belt at the wrist. he tightens the strap to the point that he can’t move his hand too much without it hurting. he hums, a pleased sound escaping his lips, and finally lets himself go

—•—

wwx has spent the last hour answering nhs’ questions about his business, future plans and why he wants to work with lan wangji (who is apparently a hand model? and a super successful one at that???)

wwx answers to the best of his abilities as his head spins from the turn of events and the recent information that has come to light. it’s- a lot.

finally nhs nods and picks up his phone to call someone.

“not presentable... what does that- it doesn’t matter, i’m not calling you here for a shoot. just come here and i will explain.” with that nhs hangs up the phone as if someone would have jumped through it otherwise

wwx, who has finally managed to absorb everything, asks, “was that lan wangji?”

nhs just smiles cryptically. wwx’s question is answered soon enough though, as lwj walks into the office twenty minutes later. he blinks at wwx but does not show any other outword reaction as he takes a seat

nhs begins to speak, “i have spoken to wei-xiong and come to the conclusion that he is not stalking you.”

lwj looks at wwx and then back at nhs, not quite an eyebrow-raise but as close to it as it gets.

“wei-xiong wants you to model for him. i will let you two speak for a while. there is no pressure, just a light discussion.” nhs says and then skips out before any of them can stop him

the air in the room gets significantly more tense. lwj’s expression is blank and when wwx can’t look at it anymore, he decides to look at his crossed arms instead

“holy shit dude, are you ok?” wwx shouts, alarmed at the bruised red marks lining lwj’s wrist where it pokes out of his long sleeved sweater

lwj looks down at it, seemingly horrified, and pulls his sleeves down before wwx can get a better look.

“are you... hurt?” wwx asks gently.

lwj shakes his head. “i’m fine.”

he sounds like he’s telling the truth. this immediately short circuits wwx’s brain because.. why else are there bruises on his wrists... what else could possibly... oh my god he likes to be tied up, wwx’s brain supplies

thankfully he manages to keep the thought to himself this time. lwj still looks at him like he heard it all the same.

“you are not stalking me.” lwj states.

“not really? i mean not for the reasons you think.” wwx cringes at himself. but lwj hasn’t walked away yet which means he must be willing to hear him out this time.

“to be honest i’ve been in a bit of a slump these past few months. i saw you at the university and wanted to work with you, i had no idea you were a hand model. i didn’t even know that was a thing.” wwx says.

lwj scrutinises him for a few seconds then nods. “thank you for explaining.”

lwj clearly sees this as the end of the conversation but wwx doesn’t want him to leave again so he starts to talk about the hand chains he has been working on the past few weeks, pulling out his phone to show lwj pictures of a few.

wwx is with his jewellery how new parents are with their babies. he has been gushing about the complicated silver work that he plans to refine over the next few days when he looks up to see lwj’s face inches from his.

lwj is looking at his phone, seemingly absorbing his words, because when wwx pauses lwj looks at him as if to ask him to continue. wwx gulps. being on the receiving end of such undivided attention, no less from such a beautiful man, is almost intimidating.

then lwj blinks again and the spell is broken.

wwx straightens up, “ah sorry for rambling.”

“if we were to work together,” lwj starts, “what would it entail?”

the implication that lwj is seriously considering working with him, a small business beneath his usual collaborations, is both flattering and slightly unreal.

“i would need you to come in to take measurements, maybe a couple of photographs so i can have refrence to your skin tone and bone structure when designing.” wwx says, voice professional.

“my... are you making these specifically for me?” lwj tilts his head, a gesture so adorably confused that wwx wants to coo.

wwx rubs his nose, “more like i’m using you as a reference? having a clear picture in my head helps kickstart my creations. once i have cohesion within my designs it’s easy to expand my range from there if that makes sense.”

lwj nods, looking contemplative. “won’t you need me to try them?”

wwx nods, seeing them on someone is usually important. after all, jewellery is made to be worn. “you’ll need to come to my workshop for that though, so i can make minor adjustments on the spot. my thoughts tend to run away from me sometimes and i forget half my observations as i work. it won’t be often though, i’ll only call you in when necessary. and if you’re too busy then we can always reschedule.” wwx says.

“you are too accommodating.” lwj says, “in this industry, you shouldn’t be.”

wwx feels a little stricken by the statement. he laughs nervously, “it’s not like i can have you sit there for hours while i work.”

“if it makes it easier for you, then you should. i’m used to holding still.” lwj says, serious.

“is that an offer?” wwx raises an eyebrow. because this whole discussion certainly sounds like they’re making a deal.

lwj turns his head to the side and the loose strands of his hair swish with the movement. it’s such a graceful motion that wwx thinks he has surely practiced this before.

when he turns back, wwx notices he’s holding a business card out towards wwx. “you can contact my agent about my scheduling. my number is only for emergency appointments in case you need them.”

wwx is speechless. he cannot believe he actually pulled this off what the fu—

he’s still feeling thunderstruck when he gets home. with numb fingers, he has managed to program lwj’s number into his phone because he knows he’ll lose the card sometime soon. his contact name is just ‘💅🏻’

it’s both because wwx thinks lan wangji is too formal, and because he has an undeniable urge to see his nails painted.

it’s just so he can know what colours and gemstones would suit him of course. the thought that probably everything would suit lwj is firmly shut down and pushed at the back of wwx’s head.

—•—

lwj gets a call at 6am the next morning. he doesn’t know why but he immediately thinks of wwx. it turns out to be nmj

“wangji, have you been well?” nmj asks.

“yes.” lwj says, unsure of why nmj is calling him so early in the morning. isn’t he supposed to be at the gym at this hour?

“that is good to hear. are you busy?”

“no. i have five hours until my shoot.” lwj says, still confused. a feeling of dread settles in his stomach.

“let’s go for coffee then. i want to treat you.” nmj says.

lwj is silent for a few seconds then, “why?”

“i need to discuss an urgent matter with you.” nmj says.

if lwj wasn’t alarmed before, he definitely is now. he agrees to meet nmj in a cafe he visits regularly.

when he gets there, nmj is waiting for him at the door, attracting every passerby’s attention with his muscles bulging out of his grey t-shirt.

when lwj comes to a stop before him, nmj gives him a small smile and opens the door for him, gesturing him to go in.

people look as they walk over to a table in the back and keep looking as they take a seat. lwj makes nmj sit with his back to the cafe so he hides lwj completely from their eyes.

“wangji,” nmj starts seriously, then pauses, pushing a glass of water towards him.

lwj doesn’t touch it.

nmj sighs, “i was at huaisang’s office the other day and bumped into a man. he came there looking for you so i asked who he was. luckily huaisang had told me about him before, su she?”

lwj takes the glass of water and chugs it. nmj looks at him with concern.

“i turned him away but i’m worried about you wangji.” nmj says, pushing his own glass of water towards lwj.

lwj doesn’t frown but it’s a close call. “i do not know what he wants.”

nmj’s face hardens. “clearly nothing good. huaisang stopped me from punching him but if you ever need me to, feel free to call me.”

lwj shakes his head, “it’ll be okay. possibly.”

this makes nmj frown even more. “i’m serious, call me if he dares follow you. we cannot press charges until he portrays to be an actual threat but i will protect you.”

“i do not need protection.” lwj’s grip tightens on his glass.

“i know that.” nmj says, “but i will offer my protection either way. it’s good to know someone has your back.”

lwj wants to fight him on this, they barely know each other outside work and lwj does /not/ need someone to do his dirty work. he doesn’t though, because he is tired of carrying the fear of being recognised/followed all by himself. it’s not like he can burden nhs or lxc.

and nmj is neither judging, nor underestimating him. he is just offering to have his back should he ever need it, and it’s not... a bad thing. it’s almost like having a friend in the industry, and maybe he needs some of those.

so he nods. even nmj seems surprised by this but gives him a smile and orders him a coffee, true to his word.

nhs emails lwj a document containing his schedule for the next month and wwx is nestled comfortably in the only free hours he gets on fridays. he’s not as upset about it as he thought he would be

at 4pm friday, lwj drives to wwx’s ‘workshop’ which is simply an extension of his untidy living space. lwj doesn’t know how someone so meticulous with their handiwork could be so in a borderline hazardous workspace.

wwx conjures up a beanbag and gestures for lwj to sit down. lwj looks at the purple monstrosity and then at wwx, dubious.

“aiyah i’m just trying to make your comfortable!” wwx says, “graphing out your measurements will take a while.”

lwj doesn’t remember the last time someone cared for his comfort when he was at work. he has to stand for hours when only his upper body is in frame, and bend his fingers in unnatural ways as per the director’s requirements. discomfort is his status quo

he has never complained. it’s part of his job to hold still and not draw anyone’s focus to the less important parts of him, i.e. his face, by voicing his discomfort. it hardly bothers him anymore.

“are you sure you wouldn’t rather have me sit upright?” lwj asks, because while wwx seems like a considerate person lwj does not want to compromise the quality of his work.

“it’s gonna take an hour,” wwx says scandalised, “i’m not cruel. besides, i already received the photographs i needed for reference so you can just chill out till i do my work.”

lwj doesn’t mention how an hour is nothing compared to the time he had stood with his hands outstretched for seven hours. with an internal sigh, he gingerly sinks down on the beanbag. he hates to admit it, but it is actually comfortable.

wwx smirks at him like he knows, then gathers his measuring tools and approaches lwj. lwj removes his cotton gloves and places them on his knees.

once wwx is close enough, he takes lwj’s proffered wrist and winds a measuring tape around it. lwj doesn’t want to stare straight at wwx’s.. ehm yeah so he looks up.

this is just as bad of an idea, because where lwj has noticed wwx is attractive, seeing him from this angle is just... too much. he can’t close his eyes either, because that will make it look like he’s— enjoying this or something.

he decides to look to the side instead, spotting a framed picture of wwx and a toddler.

“is he your son?” he asks, because he feels the need to fill the silence for the first time in his life.

wwx looks at the picture, then laughs, “no, that’s my nephew, jin ling. he’s three and already spoiled rotten by my family.”

“do you have a big family?” lwj asks. asking personal questions is both unlike him and probably very unprofessional.

wwx, however, smiles indulgently. “it’s just my shijie, her husband jin zixuan, jin ling and my brother jiang cheng. well those are the nearest and dearest ones.”

“jiang cheng?” lwj asks.

wwx frowns, “yeah. do you know him?”

“he and my brother are close friends.” lwj says.

“wait, xichen is your brother?” wwx asks, then cringes at his informality, “i guess that’s lan xichen huh? i never knew his family name.”

“and what about wen qing? how do you know her?” wwx asks as he starts to try different sizes of measurement rings to see what fits lwj’s fingers.

it takes lwj a few seconds to answer. “wen qing drew studies of human anatomy for her final project.”

“let me guess,” wwx grins, placing a ring on his middle finger, “were you the hand section of her anatomy?”

lwj feels his ears burn for some reason. “yes. it’s how i got discovered.”

“discovered? like you got scouted for hand modelling based on a painting?” wwx pauses in his movements.

“nie huaisang was present at the final display at the university’s gallery, he’s fond of art.” lwj says.

wwx looks impressed, “just like that?”

“it is common for hand models.” lwj says.

“okay, so in your professional opinion, could i sell-“ wwx pauses, “could i be a hand model?”

he wiggles his fingers in front of lwj’s face.

“no.” lwj says.

“oh wow, blunt but effective.” wwx pouts

“you have callouses.” lwj explains, taking a closer look at wwx’s hands, “and dents from using your tools. things like cuticles, tanning and nails are fixable, but the others will remain permanent if you plan on still making jewellery and doing other strenuous work.”

when he looks up, wwx’s face is unreadable. thinking that he has offended the man, he draws back. “i apologise.”

that seems to snap wwx out of it, “don’t! you don’t need to apologise. it’s just– i don’t think anyone has ever answered a silly question of mine so sincerely. i’m still absorbing it.”

“i’m just being honest,” lwj says, “you have a good bone structure. you could have considered this line of work were it not for your existing business.”

wwx drops lwj’s hand and places both of his own on his cheeks, “i’m pretty sure that you’re messing with me but i can’t prove it so i’m gonna let it go.”

lwj suppresses a smile. maybe he doesn’t need the free hours on fridays.

[Part 3]

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

HPHM Prediction/Headcanon - The Looming Love Triangle

It’s no secret that the majority of the Hogwarts Mystery fandom wanted to romance their favorite characters, and Jam City answered our call with the Celestial Ball and First Date Side-Quests. But the side-quests have always been something of a divergent canon. Even if you pick the same character for both events, they don’t become your significant other in the canon story-line. The canon has basically steered clear of romance altogether. 

Well, for the most part. 

“I’ve never told anyone this, but I fancy her.” 

Hey, remember that line? Whatever happened with that sub-plot, anyway? If you tell Jae that you fancy Penny, the game proceeds to have MC confess to her, without player input, at the worst possible time - the only way to canonize your feelings for Penny is to put even more stress on her shoulders. When MC confesses to her, she reasonably points out that she’s too worried about Beatrice to even think about who she has a crush on. However, MC and Penny agree to have that conversation later, once Beatrice is safe. 

Then...nothing. MC and Penny never have that conversation, even after Beatrice is rescued. Sure, come sixth year, Penny is still worried about her sister for all new reasons. Plus, MC has enough on their platter trying to track Jacob and Rakepick, as well as keeping Merula and “New” Ben in check. But there isn’t even a mention of this sub-plot. 

And it’s not like there wasn’t an opportunity, either. 

At the end of Year Five, MC has a scene with Penny and Beatrice. They bring out the stuffed Puffskein that Beatrice made for them. Penny thanks MC for rescuing her, and offers sympathy for what happened in the Underground Vault. At this point in the story, Beatrice is safe, and still mostly acting like her old self. She hasn’t pulled away from Penny. She hasn’t gone Goth-Beatrice yet. So this would have been the perfect opportunity for MC and Penny to talk about their feelings for each other. But it doesn’t happen. Penny’s promise amounts to nothing. Choosing to fancy Penny amounts to nothing.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Jam City originally planned to involve romance in the main story of Year Five, more than they ultimately did. At the same time that MC can confess to Penny, we get dialogue options like asking Hagrid what he knows about romance, and Diego asking if we have a crush. This is all in-story. I suspect that romance was going to feature more prominently in Year Five’s narrative, but the developers ultimately changed their minds and put these events into Timed Side-Quests instead. Which leaves Penny the only character that we can canonically crush on, but even doing so goes nowhere. It almost seems like the developers hope that MC/Penny shippers will be satisfied with the dating side-quests, and just want everyone to forget about that sub-plot. 

Then of course...there’s Merula. 

I’m gonna say something that might offend people outside of the Pro-Merula crowd. I’m gonna say something controversial, and brave - Jacob’s Sibling canonically finds Merula attractive. I don’t say this to step on anyone’s head-canons, or interpretations of their own MC. I don’t say this to anger the Anti-Merula crowd. But it’s there in the text. Which isn’t to say that they’re in love with Merula, or that the ship is canon. Just that a certain attraction is there, and that’s clear from the flavor text in Care of Magical Creatures. From MC dwelling on Merula’s “elusive” scent and trying to figure out what it is...to comparing her to creatures and referring to her as “Dangerous, guarded, and weirdly cute.” To MC literally drawing her as different magical creatures.These things aren’t based on player choices, they happen regardless. 

In general, the ship-tease between these two characters has been off-the-charts. I don’t say that as a Merula/MC fan, I say it as someone who can pick up on cues. Everywhere you turn, there are lines like “I’ve never seen you this angry before. I like it.” and “I always knew you liked having me around.” Don’t even get me started on the “Merula Snyde Infatuation” scene. Penny may have the most exposure, but Merula is, or was, an antagonist - which allows her to directly affect the story in more dynamic ways. It creates a relationship that is essentially everything Drarry fans ever wanted. By the time we reach the chapter “About Merula” the development of MC’s relationship with Merula is unmatched. 

And then, she met Jacob.

In addition to everything else, retreating back into her shell and going through PTSD after the events of the Portrait Vault, Merula has found herself a new crush. Jacob hasn’t been back for long, but he’s managed to single-handedly infuriate half of the HPHM Fandom by being the new object of Merula’s affections, even though he barely acknowledges her existence. Several people consider this the final straw with Merula, and are jumping ship. But if you think this is Jam City trying to make the MC/Merula pairing less popular, think again. 

Because for the second time in the game, the player has the opportunity, in-story, to canonize romantic feelings for another character. And of course, it’s Merula. She asks point-blank if you’re jealous of her fancying Jacob, and you can say yes. The Dating Side-quests, if you’ve completed them and romanced Merula, will get a mention. But they aren’t required or anything. Now in Year Six, players can confess romantic feelings to Merula. That’s why their doing this. Merula’s crush on Jacob is nothing more than a means to an end, a plot device used to further the relationship of an MC/Merula pairing for the players who want that.  Come on, you really think they’re going to make Merula and Jacob end-game? He’s like, six years older than her and they’ve held maybe one conversation. Jam City has made their mistakes in the past, but I think they’re smarter than that. 

But what happens if you canonize a crush on Merula, after doing the same thing for Penny? 

Probably nothing, right? Guess again. Players thought nothing of it when they asked different characters out for the First Date TLSQ than they did for the Celestial Ball. The character that the Player leaves behind feels jealous and hurt. (Unless you picked Ismelda, Ben, or Rowan. For whatever reason, Jam City seems to have withdrawn them as potential love-interests and ret-conned the Celestial Ball into being a “just-friends” type of date for those three characters. I’m sure the shippers are so grateful for that, JC...) My point being that they’ve surprised us in the past with this sort of thing. I fully expect Penny and Jacob’s Sibling to revisit the conversation they had in fifth year, for Players who chose to fancy her. And for Players who have since chosen to fancy Merula, don’t be surprised if there are consequences for it. 

What I’m saying is, there’s going to be a love triangle. 

Maybe it will be relegated to a side-quest, but I doubt it. I’m expecting both Penny and Merula to admit feelings for Jacob’s Sibling, and in-story, the Player will have the opportunity to choose between them. Or choose neither. For players who prefer other characters, or would rather have their MC remain single, they’ll need to have that option as well. Expect Penny, Merula, or both of them to call you out if you admitted feelings on both occasions the game let you. 

It just makes sense. Jam City has been giving special attention to Merula and Penny from the beginning, and portraying them as foils of each other, similar to how Rowan and Ben foil each other. But if all of this isn’t proof enough for you, then I refer you to the time Jam City uploaded the image below, with the caption “If you could only choose one...” 

CHECKMATE

[theuntamednarrator]

Hi. I've always been curious. I didn't read the mdzs novel, just the drama adaptation, so i do not know how the ah-cheng/xichen pairing came to be. I asked someone this before but idk if they answered, and about a year to this fandom, i still don't understand how it started. I love the ship tho. 10/10 on-board of it. But the live action mostly just showed JGY and Xichen's interaction. Or maybe I just missed the hints? I just want to know the history. Thank you in advance if you'll answer.❤️

Anon I will always happily answer any questions about this show! However I must confess that I, like yourself, am a CQL only fan.

That said, honestly if there is one thing I've learnt about fandom in my decade and a half playing about in it it is that people can (and will, and do) try out any and all pairings to see what works, with very limited exceptions (you dont, for example, really see fics breaking up WangXian because, well, canon gave us something pretty much perfect why would we mess with that?). That's one of my favourite things about being in fandom. I do think sometimes all it takes for a ship to become The Fanon Ship™️ for particular side characters is for that one author/artist to write/draw something that grabs the rest of us so hard and wrings such a delighted collective squee! out of us we collectively kind of agree to forget it's not canon?

Now, why XiCheng in particular? Well, from what I know of novel/donghua timelines JC stayed behind at Cloud Recesses after WWX got booted for punching JZX. From what I gather a lot of fics that start the relationship early put it here; one young Sect Leader taking a future Sect Leader under his wing, which turns into something more.

The time skip period generally features a lot of LXC helping JC through the rebuilding post the deaths of JYL and WWX as one of the closest Sect Leaders geographically but also someone JC knows and trusts. The flip side is JC helping LXC deal with LWJ's punishment and isolation.

Post-canon fics tend to play on their parallels and shared grief, the 'I know what it's like to lose a beloved sibling (NMJ/JYL) because of the actions of another beloved sibling (JGY/WWX) and to be responsible for their (JGY/WWX) death. Basically, XiCheng is an interesting dynamic to play with for lots of reasons. Narrative wise both have pretty bad parental examples of love, become sect leaders too young, have their secta burnt down and their beloved brothers go missing. Personality wise there's a bit of opposites attract; JC would do well with someone who was gentle and unrelentingly kind and LXC could do with someone who will get angry on his behalf. Who doesn't love it when the grumpy character is soft for the sunshine character, and the sunshine character only? Heck maybe people just think those are two jawlines that deserve each other?

But I have also seen XiCheng described as a bit of an exercise in "pair the spares" which, uh, I honestly don't get at all because, uh, everyone apart from WangXian is kind of a spare? Discounting XuanLi and the CQL-only almost (but never really) ChengQing there's no canonical romantic relationships to be seen amongst the main protaganists' generation we're not calling JGY/QS a romatic relationship because on this blog we're living in our MianMian and QS ran away together and live as cultivation partners far far away from Jin Lin Tai happy bubble which, again, give the fandom a sandbox ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Personally, I see just as much NieLan and SangCheng as I do XiCheng, and you're right that XiYao has some strong in-text support and is pretty popular (perhaps more so with CQL fans? Lingering public hand touches anybody?). Heck I've even read and thoroughly enjoyed some really good fics with MingXiCheng and ChengYu. I've seen (aged up) XiYu. NingCheng, SangYu, and SangYao aren't super rare, 3zun is everywhere. I've even seen cute ChengYao hcs about them being the most awkward co-parents to ever co-parent one bratty jin heir.

Leaving ALL of that (which is admittedly a lot) aside my own top peronal hc for JC is that he's somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum with a sex-postive leaning because I am invested way too heavily in dad!cheng with two dozen adopted and biological children and only he knows which are which leave me alone.

I just realised I didn't really properly address the point you made about XiYao having more textual support in CQL. Oops, sorry! I guess I would tend to agree. As to why there isn't then more XiYao than XiCheng? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Might be that the XiYao crowd is torn between NieYao, NieLan, 3zun, and XiYao? Might be that people don't want to ship JGY with LXC because they think he doesn't "deserve" to get what he wants? Might just be that the novel/donghua didn't give XiYao that much chemistry and the CQL fandom haven't had time to tip the scales? Short answer, I just don't know.

Did that in any way answer your question anon? I have no idea! Probably not? I apparently have more feelings about the fleets sailing these waters than I thought I did. But hopefully it helped somewhat? If anyone else has anything more concrete please chime in!

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated 

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 2

Friday

Jiang Cheng leaves the subway station, only to find out that it’s raining. Of course he didn’t bring an umbrella, so he pulls up his hood and runs all the way to Lan Xichen’s apartment. He manages to stay mostly dry, so he won’t be dripping all over Lan Xichen’s hardwood floors. Which would’ve been awkward and awkward is what he’s trying to avoid. No awkwardness will happen because Jiang Cheng is a mess of a person. No awkwardness will happen because Lan Xichen is gorgeous and sweet and amazing and… it will not factor into his behaviour today. He is determined to forget he ever-

“Jiang Wanyin, hello!” Lan Xichen opens the door, smiling, his short hair slightly tousled. He’s still very tall and handsome.

Fuck. He’s doomed.

After Jiang Cheng has taken off his wet sneakers and jacket, Lan Xichen leads him into the ‘therapy room’, towards a massage table covered with a large white towel. He explains that his treatment today will include some sort of ‘hot clay’ to loosen his muscles. After, Lan Xichen will give him a massage, but only a very gentle one for his neck - shoulders - jaw. Jiang Cheng once again smiles and nods, follows Lan Xichen’s instructions without questions.

He waits while Lan Xichen gets the hot clay (which is supposedly not gonna stick to his skin), takes off his shirt and lies down on the brown clay pad once Lan Xichen returns.

“Comfortable?” Lan Xichen smiles down at him. Jiang Cheng really needs him to stop smiling.

“Mhm.” It feels weird, but not uncomfortable. Any discomfort he feels stems from Jiang Cheng’s own issues, nothing to do with the treatment.

Lan Xichen wraps the towel around Jiang Cheng, tucks the ends in under him. He feels like a mummy. Lan Xichen fetches a smaller towel from a shelf and wraps it around Jiang Cheng’s feet.

“So they don’t get cold.”

Jiang Cheng half expects Lan Xichen to kiss his forehead and wish him a good night. Which is exactly the kind of thought he wasn’t going to think today.

Lan Xichen stands next to his head and, of course, smiles down at him. “Would you like some calming music? I also have generic nature sounds available. Or quiet, of course, if you prefer.”

“Music would be nice. Thank you.”

“Alright! I’ll come back in about twenty minutes. Yell if you need anything. And if you feel like you’re falling asleep - don’t fight it.”

Lan Xichen gives him one last look over, tucks the towel in a bit more, goes to the shelf to turn on the music, then leaves the room quietly.

For the first few minutes, all of this is just weird. His back is warm, is hot, and sweaty. And he can’t move. Being wrapped up like this… It’s like being hugged. One of those tight octopus hugs Wei Wuxian used to give him when he was drunk. One of those tight hugs Wei Wuxian allowed Jiang Cheng to give him whenever he thought he’d fall apart otherwise.

Another thing he wasn’t going to think of today. Or ever.

He tries to focus on the astonishingly generic music, on what he can see of the room (various exercise equipment, way less plants than in the living room, but still more than he’d expected to see in this type of setting, the white ceiling). By now, it feels as though the heat has seeped into his muscles, into his bones and his entire body just feels… warm. Maybe he’d go even so far as to use the word ‘cozy’.

Jiang Cheng, who never relaxes, feels like napping after… well, he’s not sure. He doesn’t know what time it is, he doesn’t have to move. All he needs to do right now is lie here and feel warm and wrapped up and listen to zither sounds and… Maybe he’ll just close his eyes for a second.

A hand touches his shoulder and he rapidly opens his eyes. Lan Xichen is standing next to him again - he must have fallen asleep. Jiang Cheng tries to sit up, only to remember that he’s currently wrapped up like a spring roll.

“Good morning,” Lan Xichen laughs lightly. He somehow has this ability to express amusement about something Jiang Cheng does without him feeling mocked.

“Ah, I guess I nodded off a little…” Jiang Cheng hopes any redness in his face can be explained away by the hot clay.

“Wonderful! Let’s unwrap you then, so I can stretch and massage your neck, shoulders and jaw. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Lan Xichen opens his blanket wrap, guides him to sit upright so he can remove the mud pad, then has him lie back down on the towel.

"You can close your eyes, if you want. I'll start light, then slowly increase pressure." Lan Xichen stands behind him, so Jiang Cheng can’t see him anymore. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and tries to hold on to the relaxed feel of being in the hot wrap. At the first touch of Lan Xichen's fingers, he almost twitches, but manages to hold back.

Lan Xichen starts the massage where his shoulders meet his neck and fuck, it's amazing. As though Lan Xichen can see exactly where Jiang Cheng's tension lies.

Lan Xichen works his way slowly up Jiang Cheng's neck, fingers magically finding the worst spots. Not cruelly digging into them like Jiang Cheng expected, but gently pressing, almost soothing, in circles.

It feels… it had already felt so good when he'd only touched him briefly. This feels intimate to Jiang Cheng in a way that's probably very inappropriate and maybe even pathetic. Nobody touches him like this, right where he’s hurt the most. There's no one who handles him so gently, so carefully.

It's the gentleness that's his undoing, he thinks. He would be able to deal better with it if it was painful.

And… He can't think about the time someone last touched him like this, because he can't actually remember. Because no one wants to touch him like this. Jiang Cheng is so prickly, he stings everyone that gets close to him. That tries to love him.

So they stop trying.

Jiang Cheng does not think that anyone has ever loved him for him. Has ever loved him as a choice. Yanli and Wei Wuxian love him, because he’s their brother, because they’re used to him, because they have big hearts that can even find space for someone like Jiang Cheng.

His mother loved him, he thinks. But it was not a gentle love and there are even days where Jiang Cheng doesn’t miss that love at all. He’s not sure whether those are good or bad days.

His friends were always Wei Wuxian’s friends first. When he told Wei Wuxian to get out of his life, and Wei Wuxian, who has never listened to anything Jiang Cheng told him to do, actually followed… he took his friends with him.

Maybe leaving Jiang Cheng was easy. Maybe he’s glad he doesn’t have to put up with him anymore. It’s not like he can’t understand. Jiang Cheng is not an easy person to love, maybe it’s even impossible. So why would Wei Wuxian, who can love anyone and who can be loved by everyone, want to live with him? If Jiang Cheng had the choice, he wouldn’t live with himself either.

Lan Xichen's thumb digs into a spot behind his jaw and the slight pain drags him back into reality. Right. The fuck is he doing, lying here, thinking depressing thoughts? Why is he feeling sad about something he himself is responsible for?

Why is he… fuck, is that a tear running down the side of his face, towards his ear?

He’s fucking crying.

But it’s just one tear, right? That can be explained away. It was… the light. Or allergies. Or...

He's really so pathetic, lying here, crying because he's sad and lonely and nobody loves him and his schoolboy crush is his massage therapist and this touch is the most intimate touch he's had in what feels like years and Wei Wuxian has a boyfriend he didn't know about, a boyfriend who's meeting his sister and whose brother is meeting his sister, and everyone is happy without him, aren't they? And Jiang Cheng will probably die alone and miserable, because it’s what he deserves.

Lan Xichen's fingers are so gentle, he can't stand it.

Now he's crying for real.

He can't help it. This is why Jiang Cheng never allows himself to cry. Because he doesn't know how to stop.

Lan Xichen stills his hands. There's no way he hasn't noticed, not when Jiang Cheng is drawing in a shuddering breath, when he’s outright sobbing.

Jiang Cheng thinks about apologising, but what can he even say? There's no way to explain this. If he tried to talk right now, it would probably be even more embarrassing than this whole thing already is. So he just keeps his eyes shut and tries to quell the sobs trying to escape from his throat and tries to stop the tears from dripping down his face. But he can’t!

He just. Can't. Stop. Fucking. Crying.

Lan Xichen lifts his hands, probably to flee the room, but then one settles on top of Jiang Cheng’s forehead and the other supports his neck, simply holding his head. At first, Jiang Cheng is mortified. Lan Xichen should just leave and spare them both the embarrassment.

But he can’t help but feel reassured by the steady pressure of Lan Xichen’s hands. He experiences a weird dichotomy of it making him feel less alone while at the same time emphasizing how very lonely he actually is.

So he tries not to think about anything anymore, only focuses on the warmth of Lan Xichen's hands, the uneventful music still playing in the background and waits for his tears to stop flowing.

They do, eventually.

For a minute or so Jiang Cheng lies motionless, not daring to open his eyes and face the undoubtedly horrified and/or pitying look on Lan Xichen's face.

Before he can decide on the least pathetic way to handle all this, Lan Xichen takes away his hands, gets up and says: "I'll be in the living room. Take your time."

Then he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

What is fucking wrong with him???

Who has a nervous breakdown on a massage table???

Jiang Cheng sits up and buries his face in the towel, vaguely hoping this is all just a bad dream. It would be on brand for his dreams: start with a relaxing massage from a handsome man, only to leave him crying and feeling pathetic and useless. The only thing missing is his mother telling him he'll never achieve anything and if he insists on following Wei Wuxian’s lead like this, the least he could do is be at least half as intelligent, did he really think she wouldn't hear about the fact he only got a C+ on his last math test?

He'll have to leave this room eventually and face Lan Xichen and apologise for this and if there's one way to guarantee that this will never be nothing more than a one sided crush, this should be it. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng lowers the towel, puts on his t-shirt and pullover and dares to look in the mirror. Shit. He looks like shit. Oh well, the upside to this is that his looks don't matter at all anymore, nothing could make this worse or salvage it in any way.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. Across from him, a door is open that wasn't open before. It seems to be the door to the bathroom. Lan Xichen probably left it open on purpose, because he's fucking considerate like that. Jiang Cheng decides to honour this consideration and enters the large, bright, wonderful, fancy bathroom. There are plants here, too. A large bathtub and a walk-in shower. It should be so fancy that it's annoying, but instead it just… makes him want to take a fucking bath. It really is impossible to dislike anything about Lan Xichen.

He washes his face with cold water, then doesn't know what to dry his face with. Since he doesn't want to take a fresh towel out of the cupboard, he uses his t-shirt. The mirror tells him that he looks slightly less as though he just had a mental breakdown. Well, that's something.

He could just leave… But Lan Xichen deserves better than that.

When he enters the living room, Lan Xichen is busy misting a large plant next to the couch with a golden spray bottle.

A teapot and two mugs are on the low table and next to one mug sits a large glass of water.

Jiang Cheng awkwardly clears his throat. Lan Xichen turns around and smiles again when he sees him, as though everything is completely normal.

"Sit down, I made us some tea. I also poured you some water."

Lan Xichen sits down on the couch and Jiang Cheng sits in the comfortable chair again, immediately reaching for the glass of water. That Lan Xichen poured for him because Jiang Cheng just sobbed all over his massage table, his fingers too, and Lan Xichen probably is concerned there's no water in his body left.

Then he notices he's gulped down the entire glass, because he can't ever do anything normally or in moderation, can he. He puts the glass back, and steels himself for talking.

"Lan-laoshi… I'm…"

"No need to explain." Lan Xichen smiles at him, full of… Not pity. Understanding. Fuck, he’s probably used to having weird clients. "Everyone needs a good cry sometimes."

"Still… I shouldn't just throw my emotional meltdown at you, when… I'm really sorry, I don't even know why…The heat pack and the massage both felt really good… "

Lan Xichen pours him some tea, then himself too and looks at Jiang Cheng, considering. "Sometimes, things that feel good can be harder to bear. An unexpected kindness, someone being sincere… It can be almost painful, when we have hardship in our lives. And maybe we don't fully realise how bad things have been, how unkind, until we're confronted with something truly nice. So there's no need to feel ashamed. Catharsis is a good thing."

Jiang Cheng's first instinct is to ask who's ever dared to be unkind to Lan Xichen so he can go beat them up. There's a tinge of sadness to Lan Xichen's smile that shouldn't be there. Is that why he… Jiang Cheng would’ve preferred to be pitied then, if it meant Lan Xichen couldn’t relate to such a situation. His second instinct is to cry again, because fuck!

Jiang Cheng ignores both of those instincts, tries for sort-of-humour instead. "I don't know about this catharsis… I can't say I feel great now."

"No?" Lan Xichen laughs gently. "Maybe it takes a while to arrive."

Jiang Cheng is sceptical but he tries to smile, too, and takes a sip from the tea.

"Do you like bunnies?" Lan Xichen asks out of the blue.

"Uhm, yeah, sure?" What… what?

"Excellent. Wait here."

Jiang Cheng waits for… for what? What is going on?

Lan Xichen returns after a minute… With a bunny.

"Are you a fu-... A magician? Where did you-" The fuck?

"The balcony."

Right. A pet. Not a magician. Though Lan Xichen does look pretty magical as he approaches him with the fluffy bunny. All white except for grey paws. Adorable.

Then Lan Xichen actually hands him the bunny.

"Are you sure?" Jiang Cheng is already holding out his hands, because he does really like bunnies, likes all animals, really.

"Of course. Jade is very nice, you'll definitely feel better if you hold her."

Well… Jiang Cheng is not going to look a surprise gift bunny in the mouth. He carefully accepts Jade, positions her on his arm and smiles down at her, stroking her soft fur.

"Hello, Jade. You're very cute, aren't you?"

"She's exceptionally cute." Lan Xichen crouches down next to them and smiles at the bunny. He is… exceptionally pretty. "I'm very lucky. The bunnies belong to my brother, but he couldn't take them with him when he moved out, so they're in my care now."

"Bunnies plural?"

"Oh yes, there's also Cloud! She's in a bad mood today though, only turned her back on me when I approached. There's a picture of her with Wangji!"

Lan Zichen points at one of several picture frames on a shelf. Jiang Cheng had avoided looking at anything in this flat too closely so far, because he didn't want to invade Lan Xichen’s privacy more than necessary. So Lan Xichen's brother (and Wei Wuxian’s boyfriend) is Lan Wangji. They do look related, even though Lan Wangji looks as though he's never smiled in his life. Maybe that's why Lan Xichen smiles so often - balance.

He does not look like the kind of person who would want to keep up with Wei Wuxian, but then again, everyone ends up loving Wei Wuxian.

Well, most people.

"Cloud also looks very cute. Your brother looks…"

"Ah, Wangji hates smiling for cameras. And he's very good at not doing things he hates - an enviable character trait." Lan Xichen says this very casually, maybe didn't mean anything by it, but Jiang Cheng is still taken aback a little.

There's… Lan Xichen’s face is like looking into a pond that appears perfectly serene and pleasant and it's easy to miss the less pleasant things hidden in the murky waters if you're not looking closely.

Lan Xichen notices him staring, laughs a little embarrassed, then starts petting Jade, too. It effectively distracts Jiang Cheng, because now he's trying to stroke Jades fur without making their hands touch, while at the same time wishing they would.

"Do you feel better now?" Lan Xichen asks after one or two minutes.

"I do, thank you."

"I'm glad. Are you here with the subway or by bus?"

"Subway, why? Is it raining again?" Jiang Cheng looks out the window, but while it's cloudy, it doesn't seem to rain. He really needs to start getting into the habit of bringing an umbrella everywhere.

"I could drive you home if you want. You've had… an exhausting afternoon. And I've found that public transportation can increase sadness… But maybe that's just me."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I've already inconvenienced you enough today.” By sobbing through his massage. Fuck. He should just focus on the bunny. And maybe leave the flat as soon as possible?

"It would be no trouble." Lan Xichen, still crouching down, still petting Jade, smiles up at him.

"Uhm…" Confronted with this view, Jiang Cheng forgets why he wanted to say no. "Thank you?"

"My pleasure!" Lan Xichen sounds as though he really means it. As if this whole afternoon hasn’t been a pathetic disaster.

"You're really good at your job." He just kind of blurts that out without really thinking about it.

Lan Xichen looks surprised, as if it’s the first time he’s hearing it, which cannot be true. He’s objectively very good at his job and at being a wonderful human being. "That's kind of you to say. Even though we haven't really started yet - I hope I will be able to keep this good impression up."

"I just meant… You make me… People… it's easy to relax here. And even after…" Jiang Cheng waves one hand towards the therapy room. "I don't feel horrible. Usually, I would be mortified and regretting my entire life and probably cancelling all further appointments by now.”

“Ah… I think Jade should get most of that credit.” Lan Xichen stands upright again and sits down opposite of him. “Though I am glad you don’t want to cancel your appointments. You’re very tense after all and half a session is really not enough to take care of that.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes sparkle with humour and Jiang Cheng gives a surprised laugh. For a second, they simply look at each other, smiling. Jiang Cheng can’t remember the last time he smiled this much. Maybe with A-Ling?

"Do you have food at home? For dinner?"

"Huh? Uhm…" Jiang Cheng thinks of his sad fridge. He's been meaning to go grocery shopping, but has been living off dry cereal and take-out the past few days. "Well, I'm sure I can manage to scrounge something together."

Lan Xichen frowns. "Is there a grocery store close by? We could stop there first. Or maybe you can pick something up from a restaurant. Is there something you particularly like?"

Jiang Cheng stares. "I'm not fussy." Lan Xichen seems to expect a more detailed response, so he tries. "My favourite food is my sister's lotus rib soup. It's comforting."

Lan Xichen's face lights up. "Oh, of course! I actually have some of that in my freezer! Your sister gave it to me when I was there for dinner, to eat on a rainy day. I'll heat it up."

"You have… You do?" Bunnies and his sister’s soup in one day? Maybe Lan Xichen actually can do magic.

"if you don't have other dinner plans. Sorry, I don't want to be overbearing or…"

"Are you sure it's not too much. You've already been too nice…" And he’s been this nice to Jiang Cheng. Who is a disaster and doesn’t deserve it.

"Ah, I don't think it's possible to be 'too nice'. And I enjoy your company.“

That last part can't be true.

Jiang Cheng is staring at Lan Xichen again, at a loss for words, until Jade gets annoyed she's not being petted and tries to escape from his lap.

"Maybe we'll better put her back in the enclosure."

Lan Xichen gets up and motions him to follow him on the balcony (gigantic, full of plants) and opens the flap to the bunny enclosure (also gigantic) so Jiang Cheng can deposit Jade. He can see Cloud in the bunny house but as soon as she sees them, she turns around.

"I think I have offended her somehow. I'll have to apologise later," Lan Xichen sighs, smiling ruefully at the bunny. "She's just as stubborn as Wangji, probably why he's her favourite."

Jiang Cheng waves to say goodbye to Jade, who ignores him to chew some hay.

"I'll go heat up the soup. Make yourself comfortable in the living room." Lan Xichen waves his hand towards the couch and leaves the room.

Jiang Cheng follows Lan Xichen into the kitchen, instead of sitting awkwardly in the living room by himself. As every other room, it's large and bright and cozy and full of plants.

Lan Xichen smiles over his shoulder when he sees that Jiang Cheng followed him and gestures towards the kitchen table. Jiang Cheng sits down.

"All your plants are very beautiful. I can't even keep a cactus alive."

"Oh, thank you. I have… Maybe too many. My brother frowns in a very specific way every time I buy a new one. But I like taking care of them and I like having all this nature around me." Lan Xichen looks a little embarrassed and Jiang Cheng doesn't know why.

"I think this is very impressive; you're able to keep all these plants alive. They probably all have different requirements, too." He looks at the plant next to him, which has long twines that are hanging down from where it's sitting on the kitchen shelf.

"Well, that one is very easy going actually. One of my first houseplants. I only had a handful at first and then it just kind of escalated." Lan Xichen has taken the tupperware out of the freezer and is heating it up in the microwave. He gets out two bowls and two spoons and hands them to Jiang Cheng, so he can set the table.

"I think I'd be too worried about doing something wrong or forgetting to water them and killing all the plants."

"I may research every plant I buy and keep the information in a binder. And maybe I also made a watering schedule." Lan Xichen clears his throat, but smiles. "Though there was the occasional plant I couldn't save, no matter what I tried."

"That must've been sad, after all the care."

"Ah, it was. Which is why my brother thinks I'm too attached.”

“Too attached?”

“He thinks I cried when it was clear my calathea couldn’t be saved.”

There’s a light flush on Lan Xichen’s cheeks. So likely his brother’s assumption was correct. But he really shouldn’t be embarrassed. There’s no need to be, when he’s just being sweet and caring and Jiang Cheng is the one who just had a meltdown for literally no reason.

“Last month, I cried when I broke a mug,” Jiang Cheng says without thinking about it. Then he cringes. Why would he say that and make himself out to be even more of a volatile mess than Lan Xichen probably already considers him to be?

Lan Xichen only looks relieved though. “Sometimes it’s the little things, isn’t it?”

“Clearly we need the catharsis.”

“Ah yes, I really should listen to my own advice sometimes, shouldn’t I?” The ding of the microwave interrupts them and Lan Xichen fills the soup into a pot, to finish reheating it on the stove. The familiar smell of Jiang Yanli’s soup reaches Jiang Cheng and for a second he believes everything will be alright.

“Your sister is really very lovely. Your brother was asking for the leftover soup but she insisted on giving it to me.”

Right. Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother and they’re meeting with Jiang Yanli and having her perfect soup without him, because Jiang Cheng is a huge asshole and soup tastes better without him.

***

“A-jie, let me have the last spoon. Please? Xianxian has worked so hard today.” Wei Wuxian pouts and bats his eyelashes at their sister.

“Can you stop that disgusting baby talk? And you got up at 2 p.m. today, you haven’t done shit yet!”

“Hey! I did our laundry, didn’t ?”

“You just stuffed it in the washing machine and then forgot about it! I started it!”

“Whatever, you only pressed a button, I collected your gross dirty socks.”

“Jiejie, I should have the last spoon, because I managed to get Wei Wuxian here on time and we all know that’s nearly impossible.” Jiang Cheng lifts his bowl and smiles at his sister.

“Shut up!”

“Maybe I could have the last spoon of soup, because I have sat through dinner with your brothers and not complained once,” his brother-in-law has the audacity to say.

Jiang Yanli laughs, so very fond of them all, and splits the last bit of soup between all of them.

***

Warm steam caresses his face and Jiang Cheng blinks a few times and returns to the present. Lan Xichen is sitting across from him, both bowls filled with fragrant soup, and he’s looking at him with a question in his eyes. How long has Jiang Cheng zoned out?

“Sorry, I just...” Why does his voice sound so rough? He cannot, he cannot cry again. And how is he planning on finishing that sentence? He can’t think of anything, so he doesn’t, only awkwardly shrugs his shoulders, makes an apologetic face.

“Let’s enjoy this soup, shall we?” Lan Xichen, as always, somehow manages to make the situation less embarrassing than it should be.

They eat the soup in companionable silence. It’s weird though. It’s warm, it’s comforting, it’s his jiejie’s soup, which instantly makes him feel better. But he’s eating it without his family. At least he’s not eating it alone in his sad, too large apartment.

Lan Xichen keeps smiling at him in between spoonfuls of soup. It does complicated things to Jiang Cheng’s heart. He’s been so determined to ignore his resurfaced attraction to Lan Xichen but it’s becoming clear that it would be impossible. Nevermind the fact that Lan Xichen looks like … well, looks like that. He handed Jiang Cheng a bunny to cheer him up. He made him his sister’s soup. He’s just so fucking nice and considerate and gentle and fuck, it would be so nice to kiss him, wouldn’t it.

Fuck, why is he always doing this!? Getting ahead of himself. Attributing a lot of meaning to little things nobody else sees in the same light. Falling for people who know better than to do the same.

He’ll just eat his soup, let Lan Xichen drive him home and then continue with these sessions, hopefully without crying again. He’ll be a little in love with Lan Xichen the entire time but he’s very good at never acting on stuff like that, so it’ll be fine.

Maybe he’ll even be less tense at the end of all this.

After they finish eating the soup, Lan Xichen drives him home. Jiang Cheng tries to apologize again, but Lan Xichen just smiles and shakes his head. They agree to meet again tomorrow, which is way earlier than Jiang Cheng would like, but maybe it’s best if he can’t spend a week freaking out over what happened today.

He says goodbye to Lan Xichen. (“Oh, good luck with Cloud. I hope she won’t be mad much longer!” - “Thank you! I might have to bribe her with her favourite treats…”) He enters his empty apartment. He sits down on his couch. He stares at the door to Wei Wuxian’s room. He hasn’t entered the room in months, it must be quite dusty by now.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and lets himself fall sideways until his head hits the couch. He’s so fucking tired.

He wakes up when his phone vibrates.

Lan Xichen Just sending you confirmation that your next session will be tomorrow, 4:30 p.m. You don’t need to bring anything, but wear comfortable clothes. I recommend drinking something hot and going to bed early tonight! :) Also, Cloud forgave me. Here’s a picture, since you couldn’t see her today!

Cloud looks at the camera, somehow managing to look grumpy, but still very cute. Lan Xichen’s hand is in the frame, his elegant fingers resting on the carpet in front of the bunny. Jiang Cheng can’t help but smile.

He makes himself a hot tea, grabs his laptop, snuggles under his blankets and spends the evening looking at bunnies on the internet.

[crossdressingdeath]

It genuinely surprises me that so many people, even ones that aren’t big JC fans, don’t understand the gravity of what JC did saying what he did after that “staged” fight. WWX said to tell people he left the sect, that what he does is no reflection on YunmengJiang. It’s still dangerous, WWX’s putting himself in a position away from a sects protection but it also leaves up to interpretation. Yes, WWX left of his own will but YunmengJiang at any point can still claim they don’t acknowledge him leaving and offer back that protection at any point.

JC took that option away. JC takes it further and right after the fight, he declared WWX as a traitor not just to YunmengJiang but to all the sects. He took any options WWX could have had away in that moment and sealed his fate. He didn’t just leave YunmengJiang willingly, he betrayed them and the sect will never acknowledge him as theirs. He’s now a potential danger to other sects.

The only reason I don’t believe JC planned to say this before hand is because the novel makes a point of showing before he died, that JFM tried hard to teach his son you can’t just say things in anger or heat of the moment, that there can be consequences to what you say. It’s too easy to picture JC letting his anger get to him during that fight and with a broken arm just shouting WWX is a traitor without thinking. It’s probably how he really feels with WWX leaving but he doesn’t stop for a moment to think what that means saying what he does as a sect leader now.

JC calling WWX a traitor is the biggest reason WWX and the Wen Remnants died, and when you add in the fact he did that based purely off his anger in the moment and never learning from JFM’s teachings makes it even worse.

The fact people seem to think WWX telling JC to say he left is the same as JC declaring him a traitor to the cultivation world is very frustrating because one left WWX with more options to work with, the other gave him a time limit until it all fell apart.

Yes. WWX said “Tell them I left the sect”. Left. WWX wanted to give the Jiangs plausible deniability. After all, if WWX left the sect he grew up in then it’s hardly the Jiangs’ fault if he does bad things.  He’s not part of the sect anymore! He left, of his own will and without any mention of evil deeds leading the Jiangs to drive him away. He’ll be considered disloyal and ungrateful, maybe, but no more evil than he already is. And more importantly as far as he’s concerned, the Jiangs are no longer implicated. I wasn’t actually aware of anything in the text beyond JC insisting on it that said the Jiangs were being implicated, but I might have missed something and even if I didn’t it is an understandable concern for WWX to have, especially given he’s been raised to believe that anything that goes wrong for the Jiangs is his fault personally. So yeah, “tell them I left the sect” is almost a perfect middle ground, offering the Jiangs plausible deniability without making WWX’s position any worse than is inevitable when cutting himself off from the only powerful support he... sort of has. And of course if the Jiangs refuse to accept that (which, quick note, was an option from day one; WWX didn’t force JC to accept him leaving. JC could have just not said anything and no one would know!) at any point then oh well, WWX still has the defence of the Jiangs, that is now an active choice that the Jiangs have made.

That’s not what JC tells the sects. JC tells the sects that WWX betrayed them. He did something so wrong the Jiangs just had to throw him out despite JC being so loyal to his family. WWX didn’t give him a choice, he’s evil, an enemy to all the sects, they’re just going to have to put him down like the dog he is. It’s not JC’s fault. There’s nothing he could do. Poor JC, WWX forced his hand. “He’s a traitor to the sects” absolves JC of any responsibility, any blowback that might arise from abandoning his most powerful and loyal ally without question when the situation gets a bit dicey... and it turns WWX into an easy target. No support, no one to speak up in his defence, his own brother calls him a traitor, clearly the sects can kill him without consequence. WWX’s safety net is now gone. He’s been declared a traitor; anyone who helps him will become a traitor in the eyes of the sects as well. No one can do anything for him without drawing the anger of the sects onto them too. He’d need at least one great sect to offer him their unflinching, unanimous support and that just isn’t going to happen after a different great sect, the sect he grew up in, has denounced him so completely. JC has left WWX entirely alone.

JC... I don’t know if it was a heat of the moment response, because he would’ve had to get back to a place where he could communicate with the sects and spread the word; shouting it in the Burial Mounds or even Yiling wouldn’t have much of an effect, especially if he ordered his cultivators to stay quiet. It was definitely said in anger, but not necessarily immediate anger. I think probably he was angry about his arm and even after stabbing WWX near-fatally he was still angry, so he goes tromping back to Yunmeng, stewing in his anger all the while, and proclaims for all the sects to hear that WWX is a traitor. He is after all, he chose someone else over JC, why shouldn’t JC say so? He doesn’t for a second consider that as a sect leader, that carries weight. The other sects assume WWX did something terrible. And JC won’t even try to take it back; how embarrassing, to admit that he was throwing a temper tantrum when he called his brother a traitor to all the sects! And as we know reputation and face mean more to JC than anything, even his family. Better to let WWX die than to admit he made a mistake in calling him a traitor and leaving him so entirely defenceless.

[tatselk]

The Untamed (陈情令) Review: Ep 10

!!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!!

Previous episode review: 1 and 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 

Vindicated about what I said about WWX’s magical rope thingy which first appeared in episode 8 having a greater purpose than just tying LWJ to him for fun. WWX actually used it here to keep XY from escaping! Also, WTH, WWX? WWX could totally have used the rope to subdue XY from the start and not given him the chance to use the Qiankunxiu on them but he just HAD to watch XY and XXC fight it out. -_-’’

Why do I get the feeling that it was a deliberate costuming choice to have LWJ in pale blue robes here to differentiate him from XXC who was dressed all in white?

XY, XXC AND SL ARE SUDDENLY ALL HERE. I expected XY to turn up since we were at the Chang sect’s residence at the end of the previous episode. But not the other 2. I CAN’T HANDLE SEEING ALL THREE OF THEM APPEARING AT ONCE (especially with the little smile XXC had when he first saw SL). AHHHHHH~~~ 

Is it... wrong to ship WWX with XY? Like at least as a one-sided thing on XY’s side? Because it is kinda hard not to when XY sounds like he is flirting with/ hitting on WWX in every other line or so. Lol. 

Can we talk about how hilarious it was to see XXC/SL and LWJ/WWX/JC having some sort of mutual admiration society going on whilst completely ignoring the tied-up XY? XD

Am wondering how young XY is supposed to be here. Like WWX and Co. are probably pretty young themselves (say, less than or around 20?). And yet everyone consistently referred to XY as being significantly younger (eg WWX calling XY “Little Friend”/ “Young Friend” ).

THAT WWX/XY PAT-DOWN SCENE YALL. XY: “Hey, aren’t you afraid that if word got out that a gentleman from one of the famed cultivational sects like you touched a man like this, it wouldn’t be good for your reputation?” WWX: “Excuse me. Amongst the cultivational sects, if I were Number Two in terms of being thick-skinned, absolutely nobody would dare to compete to be Number One.” And JC rolling his eyes (for the nth time at anything WWX says or does). ALSO XY ARE YOU JUST ENJOYING THE FACT THAT WWX CAN’T FIND THE FRAGMENT OF THE STYGIAN SEAL ON YOU OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE PAT-DOWN ITSELF?!

NHS turning up with MY and a bunch of Nie sect people at the Chang sect’s residence to escort everyone to Qinghe, at NMJ’s invitation! And XXC and SL rejecting the invitation to go to the Nies; because they believed in dealing with kindred spirits/ those with shared principles and values, rather than mere blood-related inheritance, so they didn’t want to get caught up in the power struggles of the cultivational sects! God, they really are too pure and principled for this world. :( 

HOLY SHIT. WWX explicitly drawing a link between himself and LWJ VS XXC and SL! WWX said that they (WWX and LWJ) also decided to night-hunt together due to their shared belief of dealing with kindred spirits/ those with common principles and values. And both JC and LWJ going, “???!!!”

Why... did LWJ gaze so wistfully after XXC and SL as they walked off together? Does he envy their principled stance/ ability to not get drawn into the inter-sect power struggles? Or is he imagining how it would be like for him and WWX to run off into the sunset together like this? 

First look at Unclean Place (?) and NMJ! As with the Lans’ Cloud Recesses and the Jiangs’ Lotus Pier, kudos to the live-action production team for customising the sect’s residence to the sect (leader)’s overall personality here (ie serious, guarded and forbidding). :)

First mention of the Wens commanding the various sects to send their people to Qishan to study (coughashostagescough)!

Hilarious how NMJ sounded so different when talking to the different characters in quick succession. With NHS, he was the (canonically) stern and disapproving older brother. With JC and WWX, he was the polite sect leader (who casually brought up LXC). With LWJ, he was the close family friend (who brought up LXC AGAIN).

Interesting how the live-action made MY more “forward” by putting him in a semi-strategist role to NMJ. Not only does alert the viewer to the potential role that MY might play in the storyline, even JC, NHS and WWX specifically noted MY’s ability in-universe. 

It was actually painful to see how the Nie sect people expressly paid MY no heed in the live-action to his face (whereas in the novel, iirc it was more of just them impliedly disrespecting him by making him do lowly tasks and gossiping about him behind his back). 

Oh shit, way too much angst went down in the last 10 minutes or so of this episode. WC attacked the Nie sect, XY escaped from the Nie sect, NMJ witnessed MY killing one of the Nie subordinates, MY throwing himself before NMJ to protect him from WZL AND NMJ dismissing MY from his service and telling him to never return (with BOTH of them crying). NOOO...

On a side note, love the small detail of how NMJ, NHS and MY all have braids in their hair. I wonder if this is supposed to be a trait of the Nie sect in the live-action...? 

On another side note, I really like how the live-action allowed the characters to have more interaction with one another (eg WWX actually got to talk to XXC and call him shishu). But this would just make it more heartbreaking to see how things turn out for all of them. (sobs)

Overall: 10/10. A fast-paced episode (perhaps abit too fast-paced?) with new characters popping up and lots of stuff happening in general. And no, I’m most definitely not just here for the ability of XY’s actor to turn almost every single thing he says into something that is at least borderline flirty. Hahaha. 

[gdelgiproducer]

What’s been your favorite staged version of JCS? (Non-concert)

First, a list of the staged (non-concert) versions of JCS I’ve seen: two high school productions (about which you’ll hear nothing in this post; it’s unfair to judge them in competition with pros), the closing performance of the 2000 Broadway revival, two performances of the national tour that followed said revival (one of which featured Carl Anderson as Judas and Barry Dennen – Pilate on the original album, Broadway, and in the 1973 film – as Herod), and four performances of a national tour initially billed as Ted Neeley’s “farewell” engagement in the role of Jesus. In total, discounting the number of performances of each, five productions, only three of which we will consider here.

The 2000 Broadway revival had basically all the problems of the video of the same production: I’m sure Gale Edwards is a fine director of other shows, but she missed the boat with this particular iteration of JCS. (Not having seen her original production at the Lyceum Theatre in 1996, which unfortunately never left that venue and was reportedly far better than the one that went wide, I can only comment on this version.) Her direction and the production design that accompanied it were full of the kinds of blatant, offensively obvious attempts at symbolism and subtlety that appeal only to pseudo-intellectual theater kids. In real life, there’s no such thing as obvious good vs. obvious evil (things just ain’t black and white, people), and any attempt to portray this concept on stage or in a film usually results in a hokey “comic book” product, which is kind of what the 2000 production was. 

The first thing Edwards did was draw her line in the sand. “These are the good guys, and these are the bad guys.” The overall production design played into this ‘line in the sand’ feel as well, being so plain in its intentions as to almost beat you over the head with them. There may have been some good concepts mixed in, but for a show that runs on moral ambiguity, they were very poorly executed and did damage to the piece. Some examples:

Annas and Caiaphas were devoutly “evil,” seemingly designed to inspire fear.  It’s easy to see good as so very good, and bad as so very bad; to want to have the evil in a nice little box. But it’s not that simple. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard (and now you know where my Star Trek loyalties lie, curse you!) once said, “…villains who twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those that clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.”  Evil isn’t always a clear and recognizable stereotype. Evil could be lurking inside anyone, maybe even in you, and you would never know. People aren’t inherently evil. Like good, it’s a role they grow and live into. And since history is basically a story of the developments and actions of humans over the ages, maybe it’s a mistake to view the characters who’ve played their parts in it so one-dimensionally. It doesn’t dismiss the evil they did, but it does allow one to understand that this potential to be good or to be evil is in everyone, and that it’s not always as simple as just doing the right thing.

Judas was an almost thoroughly unlikable prick (though Tony Vincent played him a tiny bit more sympathetically than Jerome Pradon in the video); in beating Jesus over the head with his cynicism and curt remarks, any sense of a fully three dimensional person was lost, leaving us with a total, utter dickhead. If the audience is to truly feel for Judas, and appreciate his fall, it’s imperative for them to see his positive relationship with Jesus. More importantly, it has to be readily apparent. It shouldn’t be the audience’s responsibility to assume as much. I never once saw any love, or even a hint of friendship, between Jesus and Judas in the 2000 production. Judas’ interactions with Jesus were a constant barrage of either completely in-your-face aggression, or more restrained (but still fully palpable) aggression. No hint of a conflict in him, or at least none the audience could see, and what use is a conflict or emotion if the audience isn’t privy to it?

And when not telegraphing an ultra-specific view of the story’s events, everything else about the design would’ve left a first-time viewer befogged. Young me liked the industrial, post-apocalyptic, pseudo-Gotham City atmosphere of the set. Older me still likes it (though I am firm in my opinion it works best on stage), but realizes what a mess the rest of it was. We’ve got Jesus and the apostles straight out of Rent, Roman guards that looked (with the choice of riot gear) like an army of Darth Vader clones with nightsticks substituting for light sabers, priests that practically stepped off the screen from The Matrix, a Pilate in generic neo-Nazi regalia, a Herod with showgirls and chorus boys that seemed to have visited from a flash-and-trash third-rate Vegas spectacular, a Temple full of ethnic stereotypes and a mish-mosh of dime-store criminals, and a creepy mob with a striking resemblance to The Addams Family that only popped up in the show’s darker moments. Lots of interesting ideas which might work (operative word being “might”) decently in productions of their own, all tossed in to spice up a rather bland soup. The solution to having a bunch of conflicting ideas is not to throw all of them at the wall at once; you look for a pattern to present itself, and follow it. If no pattern emerges from the ideas you have, it’s a sign you should start over.

You can see what my basic issue was: where other productions at least explored motivation, examining possibilities and presenting conflicting viewpoints for consideration, the 2000 production (when not utterly confused in its storytelling thanks to conflicting design) blatantly stated what it thought the motivation was without any room for interpretation – this is who they are, what they did, why they did it, so switch off your brain and accept what we put in front of you. Which, to me, is the total opposite of what JCS is about; it didn’t get famous for espousing that view, but for going totally against the grain of that.

The national tour at least had Carl and Barry to recommend for it the first time around, but for all the mistakes it corrected about the 2000 revival (swapping out the shady market in the Temple for a scene where stockbrokers worshiped the almighty dollar, with an electronic ticker broadcasting then-topical references to Enron, ImClone, and Viagra, among others, was a fun twist, and, for me, Barry Dennen gave the definitive performance of Herod), it introduced some confusing new ones as well:

For one, Carl – and, later, his replacement, Lawrence Clayton – looked twice the age of the other actors onstage. Granted, Christ was only 33 when this happened, but next to both Carl and Clayton, Eric Kunze (I thankfully never caught his predecessor) looked almost like a teenager. When Ted and Carl did the show in the Nineties and both were in their fifties, they were past the correct ages for their characters, but it worked – in addition to their being terrific performers and friends in real life whose chemistry was reflected onstage – because they were around the same age, so it wasn’t so glaring. Without that dynamic, the way Jesus and Judas looked together just seemed weird, and it didn’t help anyone accept their relationship.

Speaking of looking weird together, the performer playing Caiaphas – who was bald, and so unfortunately resembled a member of the Blue Man Group thanks to the color of lighting frequently focused on the priests – was enormously big and tall, while the actor in the role of Annas was extremely short. Basically, Big Guy, Little Guy in action. Every time I saw them onstage, I had to stifle the urge to laugh out loud. I’ve written a great deal about how Caiaphas and Annas are not (supposed to be) the show’s villains, but that’s still not the reaction I should have to them.

The relentlessness of pace was ridiculous. It was so fast that the show, which started at 1:40 PM, was down by 3:30 PM – and that included a 20-minute intermission. What time does that leave for any moments to be taken at all? A scene barely even ended before the next began. At the end of the Temple scene, Jesus threw all the lepers out, rolled over, and there was Mary singing the “Everything’s Alright” reprise already. How about a second to breathe for Mary to get there? Nope. How about giving Judas and Jesus two seconds’ break in the betrayal scene at Gethsemane? The guards were already grabbing Christ the minute he was kissed. I was so absolutely exhausted towards the end of the show that I was tempted to holler at the stage to please slow down for a minute. The pace didn’t allow for any moment in the show to be completed, if it was ever begun; it was just too fast to really take advantage of subtle touches and moments the actors could’ve had, and as a result, I think they were unable to build even a general emotional connection, because one certainly didn’t come across.

The cast was uniformly talented singing-wise, with excellent ranges and very accomplished voices. (In fact, the second time around, the woman understudying Mary, Darlesia Cearcy, walked away with the whole show in my opinion, and I am incredibly glad to have seen her career take off since then.) But, in addition to some being more concerned with singing the notes on the page just because they were there than imbuing them with emotion and motivation, the cast was undercut by the choices that production made with the music. For one, there’s a huge difference between singing “words and notes” and singing “lyrics and phrases.” When you have a phrase like “Ah, gentlemen, you know why we are here / We’ve not much time, and quite a problem here…” you sing the sentence, and if sometimes a word needs to be spoken, you do that. You don’t make sure you hit every single note by treating each like a “money note” (which you hit and hold as long as you can to make sure everyone hears it), dragging out the tempo to hang on to each note as long as you can. Generally, the actors were so busy making sure every note was sung – and worse, sung like a money note – that they missed the point of singing a phrase, and how to use one to their advantage. Caiaphas and Pilate were particularly egregious offenders. (I’ve never understood some of these conductors who are so concerned that every note written has to be sung. The result suffers from it.) 

And then there’s Ted’s production. Of the three, it’s the one I liked the most, but that’s not saying much when it was better by default. 

The production design was stripped-down, the set basically limited to a bridge, some steps, a stage deck with some levels, and a couple of drops (and a noose) that were “flown in.” The costumes were simple, the sound was very well-balanced, and the lighting was the icing on the cake. Combined, the story they told was clear.

The music sounded very full, considering the pit consisted of a five-piece band relying in part on orchestral samples.

Ted, for being of advanced age, was in terrific form vocally, if his acting fell back a little much on huge, obvious, emotive gestures and choices. (I love him and all, but his attempts at acting were kind of like a “Mr. Jesus” pageant, striking all the appropriate Renaissance poses. The film, through editing and close-ups, allows him a subtlety he just ain’t got onstage.)

And there were some beautiful stage pictures; for example, there was a drop with an image of a coin with Caesar’s head on it in the Temple scene, and it fell on the crowd when Jesus cleared out the riff-raff. In the leper sequence that followed, the chorus’ heads popped out of holes in the cloth, under which they undulated, pulsing to the beat, and rather than being treated as a literal mob scene, the sequence had a very dream-like effect, a mass of lost souls reaching out to Christ. It was rather like a Blake painting, with a creepy vibe in a different manner from the typical “physically overwhelm him” approach. He didn’t interact with them, didn’t even turn to look at them, until finally he whipped around with a banishing thrust of his arm, hollering “Heal yourselves!” Sometimes it was over-acted with annoying character voices (remember, I saw this four times), but when it wasn’t, the effect was chilling.

My main beef with the show was, oddly enough, on a similar line to my beef with Gale Edwards’ production: it drew lines in the sand. But in this case, it drew them with respect to Jesus’ divinity. 

As written, JCS deals with Jesus as if he were only a man, and not the Son of God. The show never suggests that Jesus isn’t divine, but neither does it reinforce the view that he is. Portrayed in detail in JCS is the mostly-unexplored human side: ecstasy and depression, trial and error, success and regret. He agonizes over his fate, is often unsure of his divinity, and rails at God. Not so in this production. Aside from “The Temple” and “Gethsemane,” there was never any room for doubt that Jesus was the mystical, magic man portrayed in the Gospels.

At the top of the show, after a fight between his followers and the Romans during the overture (a popular staging choice I’m not a real fan of, but you’ve got to do something during that moment in a fully staged version, and I understand why it’s an easy choice to make for exposition purposes), Jesus made his majestic entrance, spotlit in robes that looked whiter than Clorox bleach could produce, and raised a man from the dead. Well, where’s the room for Judas to doubt? Clearly “this talk of God is true,” we just saw it! If this guy is actually capable of performing miracles, and more than that specializes in necromancy, good luck telling him that fame has gone to his head at the expense of the message and he’s losing sight of the consequences! Try explaining to anyone that that person is “just a man”!

If that weren’t enough, Jesus went on to have a constant connection with God throughout the show, speaking to a spotlight that focused only on him and often served to distract him from anything else happening onstage, and at the end, during “John 19:41,” his body separated from the cross, which fell back into the stage, and he ascended to heaven. 

Now, though the former was admittedly played to excess (some reviewers unkindly compared Neeley to a homeless man with Bluetooth), there are arguments to be made in favor of both of these choices: a Jesus who constantly seeks a connection with God that isn’t reciprocated, searching for guidance or at least a friggin’ clue, is great foreshadowing for his eruption – and acceptance – in “Gethsemane.” As for the ascension, depending on how it’s staged, there’s room for argument that it could be interpreted more metaphorically than literally, as the moment when Jesus’ spirit is born, as Carl Anderson once put it (meaning, to me, that his message is given life and strength when his body fails him). But this production didn’t have that level of shading and layers to it, and coupled with the resurrection at the start, it defeated the rest of the story.

None of ‘em’s perfect, and I don’t think I could create the perfect one. Thus, concert.