#these are my personal queer reparations

[0sbrain]

thinking about that one time where i said i was a femboy in a fatmagic's stream as a joke and someone gifted me a subscription

[hussyknee]

I just want to make one thing very clear. Black and brown people, especially Muslims right now, don't owe white people for your allyship in racial justice. Not even those who are themselves systemically marginalized in some way. Not white Jews, not white queers, not white disabled, not white working class, not white poor.

Whiteness is the most lethal kind of oppression because it built the current colonial capitalist, imperialist world order. Every white person benefits from and is complicit in its systems in some way because white supremacy is global. Whatever marginalization has white people in it can be and is easily weaponized against the mellanated. When charged with your racist, exclusionary and oppressive behaviour you hold up Black and brown people of the same marginalizations as tokens. This is the only time they are ever visible; more often than not you profit off their labour, hoard their gains, throw them under the bus and make them part of your iconography for liberal progress points once they're dead and have no inconvenient opinions about your conduct.

This is why it's very hard for Black and brown people to take accusations of bigotry towards you in good faith. We also have a duty of care towards others but more often than not it feels like you want us to do what you want while holding a knife to our necks. Even when you don't do it directly, you issue demands like "if you don't do x and y you clearly don't care about my people and deserve the worst!!!" without considering for a moment that the full brunt of that policing will always fall on Black and brown people, because punitive justice exercises itself first and foremost on the vulnerable. If your demands for allyship carry disproportionate punishment for Black and brown people should we refuse, you're just on some power trip and never needed our help in the first place. This also obfuscates the needs and disenfranchisement of BIPOC Jewish, queer, poor, disabled and Global South people, because without racial justice, few of your gains will ever materialise in their lives. It's always trickle down liberation for the rest of us.

Your allyship is supposed to be the work of conscience, a recognition of injustice and a drive towards privilege equal to your own. For white people, it's an individual reparation on your part. It is not an act of kindness, or benevolence, or a transaction that must be repaid in kind. The worst of us deserve the same rights the worst of you already have. That's the meaning of equality. If you're willing to let us get fired, deported, or brutally murdered for bad behaviour, then not only were you never an ally, you were also just waiting for the opportunity to use that weapon you claim you never wanted. There is no justice in an asymmetry of power.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Ok go with me here - @fruityfirehose and I have been exploring a few things while chatting, and one of the things we’ve been contemplating is related to the lightening strike and Bucks coma dream and how it relates to bi Buck and the Tommy of it all.

Something we discussed is the idea that Daniel in the coma is actually Evan and that Buck essentially has multiple personalities (metaphorically speaking - I’m not implying that Buck has spd or anything).

I know it sounds a bit of a leap and illogical, but it does make sense I promise! It’s part of why my theory that Tommy is an alt version of Buck and why Tommy insists on calling him Evan is so interesting as a concept.

It’s kind of hard to explain but hopefully I make sense!

Buck has been going through his life ‘struggling’ with his identity - with fitting in in the world he existed in in any given moment. This has been because two versions of him existed inside him as essentially one person - he is both Evan and Buck (think conjoined twins type situation but with personality instead of the physical body) and they struggle with each other for dominance.

Evan is obviously tied to the Daniel (and his ghost) of it all, and that side of Buck has been dominant for most of his life, but as Buck put distance between himself and his parents and his childhood home, the ties to Daniel weakened until the Buck part of Buck was able to become dominant - with moments of Evan regaining control during this time (in the same way that Buck probably surfaced occasionally during his childhood - most likely with Maddie). The lightening strike is the moment when Evan and Buck separate - the lightening strike severs the thing that has been tying them together - Daniel (hence the prevalence of Daniel in Bucks coma dream!)

So now they are no longer conjoined and in a split personality type of way they exist as two separate people. But only one can survive and move on - where we’re at now is approaching the moment Buck has to choose who he will become - does he regress and become Evan - letting go of Buck. Or does he let go of Evan and become Buck.

Tommy coming into the picture is a physical representation of this choice. Its why Tommys past is so important as a hurdle for Buck - and why the fact Tommy has grown a bit but not that much is important. It’s why Tommy calls Buck Evan - it is Evan trying to assert control - the control he had when Evan and Buck were connected.

It’s about making the choice of who he becomes - which path he follows and once he makes his choice he can embrace who he is fully rather than by the half measures he has been doing up to now - because he will no longer be at war within himself!

It also makes the not realising he’s bi integral to it all as well, making it even more interesting - because it’s Buck who is bi - not Evan (I know technically Evan is too but just go with me and the metaphor here) - Evan represents repression - heteronormativity and trying so hard to conform - to become whatever is needed of him in the moment. Which is what Tommy represents as well and why he is Evan - that is what he did - repressed himself and became what he needed to be to survive (at the 118 pre Bobby and I guess through his childhood as well).

The thing is, Tommy won’t change or grow further - he allowed himself to be queer - which benefits him but no one else (I.e his queerness is freeing for him - he gains from it, but confronting and dealing with the racism and sexism - making reparations and learning - doesn’t have any direct benefit to him so those parts haven’t grown or changed - he is still those things. - the fact Buck hasn’t been shown to be any of those things is irrelevant - they are representations of a concept - the who Buck could’ve become had he not ended up at the 118).

But buck can and will change and grow - we’ve seen it through the past 7 seasons, and it’s why he’ll ultimately break up with Tommy, because Tommy and Evan are compatible but Tommy and Buck are incompatible. Buck will choose to be Buck and not Evan and so they can never work, because that tug of war between Buck and Evan cannot continue. One has to win in the end, and as Evan is static/ weakening, while Buck keeps growing and being nurtured by the firefam and Eddie and Chris, Buck is the one who will win out in the end.

[shizunitis]

old man yells at cloud: shen qingqiu and the fandom

cw: discussions of homophobia, abuse & ableism

this was not supposed to get this long, or this disorganised. there’s also a lot of profanity because i am who i am. i half-apologise. annoyed/-ing yapping continues under the cut. i’ll reward u at the end with something i promise

look. listen. hear me out

i agree that shen “yuan” qingqiu is oblivious and it’s funny to see him panic and scramble for a foothold in the insane world of pidw, but some of you honestly sound like you think he should be drawn and quartered for having trauma.

y’all safely out of the closet, loved, accepted and supported since the womb? is that it? you’ve never hurt someone by believing lies purposely fed to you by “the system”? lies that, when questioned, get you punished or shunned? you’ve never been guilty? you’ve never been scared? you’ve never had to hide a part of yourself to be accepted? you’ve never been frustrated by your loved ones’ insistence that “they know better”?

“mxtx wrote a novel where the internet troll gets his comeuppance for bullying the poor author” cannot coexist with “abuse/pain/unjust punishment cannot give birth to a healthy society”. either you want shen yuan broken and made into something else more palatable to you, or you want him to be free to dote on and protect binghe and heal. it is clear what the story chose to do.

there’s a whole ass novel out here that’s basically screaming “be compassionate! be kind! be vulnerable! accept others as they come! solipsism is a bullshit thought experiment and not some grand theory about the nature of the universe!” and yet you’ve somehow, as if hungry for blood, focused solely on the shortcomings of a lost, inexperienced young man trying to make the best of his situation while being coerced by an omniscient, omnipotent, asshole of a god.

there is no clearer allegory in modern media about the destructive influence of coercion, brainwashing, and thought policing, than the one presented in svsss. and yet! here i fucking am, coffee-less, reading with my own two eyes corpsezun-cold ass takes on the “proper” ways of navigating self-discovery.

i hate having to be the one to tell someone to touch grass, so i’ll just urge you to read something else, something literal and educational about the struggles of queer/disabled/vulnerable people in unkind societies (all of them) and outright hostile ones (most of them). watch documentaries, seek out the elders of your communities, think back on your own unpleasant experiences, speak with people you don’t agree with and approach conversations with curiosity. lurk in fandoms before you post.

this is something you’ve internalised: that a queer person must be pure of mind and spirit to expect compassion. that a vulnerable person you deem weak must not be listened to since clearly, someone else knows better. that someone who makes a mistake/misunderstands something should be shunned, or at the very least berated in spite of having already faced the consequences of their actions.

y’all don’t have to love everyone to be kind to them and understand them. and honestly trying to “punish” a repressed queer man for how he’s choosing to survive in a hostile environment by spouting borderline-cruel bullshit about his thoughts that never leave his brain just tells me that you have done close to no self-assessment and are liable to hurt people by accidentally saying some horrendous shit you don’t even realise is painful to hear.

as you have done, and keep doing, especially when seriously and without a moment of reflection you post non-jokey “haha shen yuan is stupid and oblivious of course that happened. every friend he has trying to assert control over his choices is a just and reparative consequence of his stupid pea-brained attempt to survive. the system was good actually.”

i fucking love making ‘liu qingge was a victim’/‘lmao bingy is horny gripping shizun connect the dots’/‘shizun cannot be trusted outside for more than half an hour’/‘lmao ballad of bingqiu’ jokes because yeah! that happens! you get people who crush on you! people sometimes get infatuated with you! sometimes people get very invested in your life! sometimes people worry and care even if you don’t realise it!and it is somewhat comical in hindsight, a bit endearing, a lot bewildering, but ultimately mundane and entirely human!

until it actually starts affecting you in real ways. until people try to corral your movements because they “can’t trust you to be safe” without listening to you, a grown ass adult who clearly knows something they don’t. until your own mistakes come to bite you in the ass and, when you’ve fucking fixed it, you get berated and judged for it because others’ self-righteousness takes precedence.

good people learn and change and take responsibility for hurting those around them. they allow those who have erred to find a better path forward. they act with compassion and respect for even the most undesirable of their peers.

there are many messages in svsss that you can learn from. while it falls short in some aspects (naturally, by virtue of being written by a high-schooler), it does not fail in presenting a human perspective on fucked-up circumstances and asking you to understand and empathise.

characters are there to hold up a mirror for you. it’s a safe, consequence-free opportunity to look inwards and decide if you’re okay, or if some things might need addressing.

fandom is a playpen and you get to do whatever you want forever to the dolls. but your playmates are real people who, in some cases, are susceptible to your influence, and will be hurt by how you choose to present your commentary. when they leave the sandbox and see the distorted reflection of your arguments come alive in the real world, they will then internalise it, just as you have.

and then i’ll have to read it and it’s, frankly, depressing to see what my Not Homophobic, Very Woke (lie) high-school classmates would say all over again. is that what you want? to be likened to a 15 year-old eastern european boy? really?

obviously i’m not talking about jokes, bits, comedies, haha hehe’s, or fanfic depictions that i may not agree with from a storytelling standpoint.

i’m not the mayor of who-gets-to-talk-ville, but i’ve lived all my life in a deeply homophobic, racist, ableist and economically fucked country of former soviet influence and it just, like, annoys me to see the same sentiments in these kinds of spaces coming from inexperienced/young people who just don’t realise the impact of their own ignorance. i hope i’ve made this clear even if i sound like a finger-wagging dirty-mouthed grandpa yelling at the kids on my lawn.

fuck i’m so tired

anyway. here’s the reward:

ah… that makes me feel so much better. <3

[theorchardsys]

Guilt VS Shame VS Embarrassment

[link to color-coded version] Alright, we need to have a chat. You guys are too embarrassed or even ashamed about doing things that are harmless.

If you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or something you consider similar about:

Doing "cringe" things

Being yourself

Being openly queer

Talking about things that you like

Stimming

Dressing how you want to dress

Allowing yourself a chance to be "lazy"

Cutting off people

Saying no

Making mistakes

Asking for help

Snacking on junk food

How you look

Enjoying sex

Or anything else

This post is for you.

So, you've probably felt guilt, shame, and embarrassment at different points in your life. However, before we continue, let's set a couple of things straight. What are shame, guilt, and embarrassment?

Guilt: "the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime."

Shame: "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."

Embarrassment: "a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness."

-Oxford Languages

Okay, so that's the dictionary definition. They all came from Oxford Languages, aka Google. Simple. You've probably felt each of those from doing something such as eating a cookie your mom said you couldn't have, to tripping up the stairs in public, to stuttering over your words in a conversation.

Of course, each of them feels awful in their own right, and the emotions of guilt, shame, and embarrassment can feel insanely similar, but those different experiences have very clear levels of severity. One of them is explicitly disobeying an authority figure, one is causing a bit of a scene, and one is just a common trip up.

Now, let's delve into why we feel these in correlation to which events cause them. Let's start with a question. Which one of those is objectively bad? Eating the cookie intentionally, unintentionally tripping, or unintentionally stuttering? If you're anything like me, I would say the former: eating the cookie.

Okay, if that wasn't a good example, let's use a couple from the list.

Stimming: Not bad. Snacking: Not bad. Yelling at someone: Bad.

The objectively bad action would most likely cause guilt because you have committed a specific or implied offense, and the objectively neutral emotions would most likely cause embarrassment or shame as you have done something foolish or abnormal, but not particularly harmful.

I hope that makes sense. If it doesn't, please feel free to reblog with more examples of scenarios, send an ask for more clarification, or suggest some more scenarios I should edit in.

We now know the difference between guilt, shame, and embarrassment, and we have some examples of which are objectively bad. Now, sorting out emotions into positive and negative is incredibly unproductive. We just feel. However, knowing what to do with them is a different story. If you feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about anything in the list from the beginning, now is the bit where I help you out with knowing what to do with your emotions.

Step One: Identifying the Emotions

Okay, so we know what they are and what causes them, we have to be able to identify them.

My favorite way to identify is to use a couple questions.

Has anybody been negatively affected directly or harmed by your action? This includes if it was by accident. If yes, it's probably guilt. If not, it's probably something else.

Do you feel pained or distressed because of this action? If yes, it's probably shame. If not, it's probably embarrassment.

Step Two: What to Do With This Information

Congrats! You've identified your emotion. Now, you can move onto this step.

If it was guilt:

You have reparations to be made. You have hurt another person with your actions (whether that be physically or emotionally), and you have to try to make it better. The best thing to do is apologize, promise not to do the thing again (genuinely) and try to help out with repairs if objects were broken if you are financially able, such as replacing the objects, helping pay for a replacement, or giving the person enough money to pick out a new one. Go easy on yourself. Unless it was done with premeditated malicious intent, then it was probably an accident or just getting caught in the heat of the moment. Please, be kind to yourself.

If you find yourself feeling ashamed of the simple act of making a mistake, please follow the following advice.

If it was shame:

You've identified that you feel ashamed. Allow yourself to feel it. Don't push it down. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. Don't, however, sit in it. Don't let it linger longer than needed. When you stand up again, you two have had your conversation and you no longer need to say anything to it. Talk to yourself, or think to yourself, or feel to yourself. Remember that you have done nothing wrong. There is no need to apologize, and there is no need to feel bad about what you have done. It didn't hurt anybody. If somebody was offended by this harmless action, then that is their choice. Your action was not objectively bad or wrong. It is okay to exist and live as you are. It's okay.

If it was embarrassment:

It's okay to be embarrassed! Just try not to hold on to it for too long. You can let go, as nobody but yourself will worry over it. If people bring it up, and that bothers you, then feel free to set boundaries and ask them not to mention it. Be careful not to let your embarrassment sit, as it can become shame, and shame is a lot harder to let go. Go easy on yourself, and remember that it's okay to exist. To err is to be human.

Step Three: Knowing When to Let Go

Let go when you feel as though you're done processing. That's the simplest answer. When you have made reparations or processed your emotions (meaning after you have acknowledged them but you begin to sit in them), let them go. They've allowed you to get to know something about yourself, but you don't need to keep around things that feel yucky to you. If you really struggle with this, then, if you would like, a therapist can help you better deal with processing and letting go of emotions.

This is a pretty basic guide, and I am not a licensed psychotherapist or psychologist. I'm mostly just sharing what I've learned over the years and what works for me. If this doesn't work, then feel free to fully ignore it. If you have something to add, go ahead and send me an ask, reblog, or add a comment.

Thank you so much for reading until the end and have a spectacular day!

[theveganwhoeatsmeat]

Okay this is going to be a little bit of a rant i don't usually talk indepth and rarely intract with fandom.

I would like to say that this is not an attack on anyone's ship this just my opinion on topic that seemed to be really upsetting me.

Some of the people in the 9-1-1 fandom are so weird sometimes, I don't know if i have seen queer people wanting a character to be straight so bad. I don't get the problem with wanting more representation that makes sense.

Like lets be serious the argument is always "he's straight because he was married and dated women" 😭. Like what when was the last time we didn't view a seemingly "straight" character as queer with that context.

Did people forget that Buck was only showen dating women before season 7, did that make him not queer no of course not. He didn't suddenly become queer because the person hes dating happens to be the same gender as him, he has always been characterized as queer. So it truly baffles me that a character like eddie is suddenly viewed as not queer by some people.

I don't understand because Buck didn't say he's bisexual in the show, we just based that on the way he described it. And the he was characterize which is what we call queer coding.

Characters don't need to date someone of the same gender to prove their queerness or say it i think this stems from a really degressive, heterosexual and white lens of queer representation. I don't know im not American nor white

Plus when was the last time we have seen that many reparation for main character of color in film without them literally being killed, miserable or written poorly.

people are acting if Buck is only main queer character in the show which tells you alot since Hen, Karen and Michael im aware hes side character has been there since the beginning.

Lastly I don't pretend to be the know all be all what ever you believe is fine, I just feel as queer people we shouldn't shun people that find representation in character that are not "canonically" queer especially minority ones.

[maternal-extinct]

May I ask what a reparent is? I always find it fascinating to learn new terminology!!

sure sweetie!

reparenting is a new-agey psuedotherapy where one person takes on the role of a doting, effective parent in order to help the other person handle or recover from childhood trauma that was caused by defective or abusive parenting. it often relies on what's called "child ego regressing" (wink wink) to put the target headspace where they are vulnerable to new experiences. the idea behind it is to seek to overwrite older bad childhood with newer good memories.

so an example I use is a lot is this: one of my littles told me that they never got to watch saturday morning cartoons without their bio parents fighting because theyre forced into close proximity by the weekend. so then i would plan a lovely saturday morning with a tasty breakfast, possibly cooked with the intent of waking them up to it, and then id find a cool playlist of saturday morning cartoons on youtube from about their age range or like, from when they were small and then let them have a lovely morning under my supervision. you're basically setting up a age regression scene ^v^

it pretty closely mirrors many parts of cgl and abdl but is way more reliant on actual parenting and therapy experience. when actual therapists do it they gotta deal with the ethics of a professional having tremendous amounts of power over another person and the science out there for it is underdeveloped which is why most therapists who do it do it under the table. I know a few therapists who are both mommy dommes and reparents.

when I do reparenting, I make it explicitly queer and trans, and I'm not above making it kinky or unethical if it helps the other person or is fun and I enjoy the power play of it. generally reparenting has to end but since I mash it with queer found family and caregiver/little, I always suspect that I'm in for a long haul relationship. I also buck a lot of the claims that it can help reverse or cure a lot of illnesses, but I do think it helps a lot with childhood trauma, anxiety and ptsd.

I mostly focus on reparenting trans girls. there's a lot of shared expiriences that make offering them a window into a girlhood a lot easier for me. I'm basically min/maxed to care for trans and queer girls all in all. im also way better at it in person than online, but I'm working on getting more skilled at it!

[dreamtydraw]

Hello from the Fishbowl!

Oh I’m so glad you and plant anon agree with me on my vn red flags/icks! Like I said a lot of the red flags and icks I tend to have are really subjective so I get that some people will love what I kinda hate but it’s nice to see I’m not alone on stuff :)

Also, is it bad that I kinda wanna hear more about Heir to Love and Lie? I’ve never played any Fictif games but this sounds like some hot gossip I want in on, tell me more about how bad of a game it is lol. From an outsider perspective I think it’s kinda funny how it’s like “Yes the Fictif app has a bunch of great and fun stories with a ton of good content- NO DONT LOOK AT THAT STORY ITS HIDEOUS-” I know the stories are probably made by different teams so it makes sense that there’s differences in quality but still

Last Legacy and now Roadkill have peaked my interest since I’ve seen you talk about it here (I had never heard of Fictif at all before) but I’ve been a little hesitant to give the games a try because they’re mobile games and frankly I’m not the biggest fan of playing vn style games on mobile, I used to all the time but the grinding for stuff like story keys just to get content that may or may not be good kinda grated on me so I stopped and haven’t looked back. But idk maybe I’ll decide to give Fictif a chance when I have the time, your love for the games are definitely convincing me to give it a shot :)

Also I hope you get better soon and you’re not sick with anything too serious! Take care of yourself!

-🐟

( ok i’ll do proganda about the good game of fictif ask me about htlal on another ask )

Ok so i’ll start by saying that you should def play roadkil, last legacy and monster manor on the fictif app, WITH A CRACKED VERSION! If you have an Android play with a mod app and you won’t have to pay for the special choice ( you still have to wait for keys tho but it’s manageable) I personally use Modyolo. With the mod there is no grind, you just wait for your keys to regenerate to play the chapters.

Why you should play last legacy ? Last legacy is a really well written fantasy romance made by queers, for queers with good queers characters. The narrative is limited but realize that fans of this game haven’t had update in 2 years and we all still love this, that how good the game is for us. What I really appreciate is the approach of the romance, the well-written worldbuilding, and the interesting plot and evolution of the li throughout the story + bonus points the art is really pretty + the music is awesome

This is an otome where you feel the passion of the dev because of all the details and care they put into the characters. It sad that we’ll never get an ending but just because it’s my second favorite otome after Our life i really recomand.

Now another wonderful story on the app is Monster manor. It’s a reviseted tale of beauty and the beast where mc is a reparator that come helps the resident of the manor to fix the place and also fix their issue. Again it’s very well written and although you can get subtile subtext on romance this one is very axed on exploring the character's mental health and their story of self-improvement. ALSO IT HAS A CANON TRANS DRAGON CREATURE WHO’S THE SWEETEST I LOVE HIM HE’S SO WHOLESOME-

Bonus the music is so good i even added it on my spotify- and good art

Monster Manor is one of those stories that leave a very specific feeling in you. I don't know how to describe it but it just has a lot of wholesomeness and character going troughs sad but relatable problems that you see get better and makes you happy that they're healing.

now.... my guilty pleasure.... Roadkil !

THE BROMANCE OF THIS GAME IS SO GOOD I swear

Objectively: This game feels like a wild mess of fan fiction with random scenario after scenario and cliché horror moments, but oh man the ambiance. The best trio of Li, they are close friends, and in the 3 routes the group is just such an amazing friend group. The characters are lovely and it's like reading a bad yet good wattpad fanfic : well written ? no ? But the ideas ? good !

Like i said, this game is based on cliché of horror movies but also on american culture ( which I learned trought this game lol ). It has longer chapters than the other two games (except Tess but Tess got hit by the sexism of a greedy company that wants shirtless men in dating sim to attract gurls ) BUT they all shine.

Poe's route had me ugly crying in the end, Howie's ending is AWFULL but I had a great time, Tess is actually a superbe F Li even whith the dev having to cut her short and ruin her ending, she shine very britgh in the other routes and her own ( for ex she's the one with a shotgun and the one that won you and howie a teddy bear )

I really need more people to play roadkill because it's an underated banger in my opinion and it has many great scenes in the mess of scenarios ( the intro is really good for ecxemple )

Like, when I say not all game needs to be well written? That's what I'm talking about, this one is a hot delightful mess

ANYWAY! My rambling was long but I hope it was interessing !

[gingerylangylang1979]

The representation debate.. yes, this is all over the place.

I don't even know if I'm the most intelligent person to start this discussion nor do I have answers. What I do know is there is a debate brewing surrounding Bottoms and queer representation that got me thinking about representation in entertainment in general. I'm not queer but I am a black woman, so that is my frame of reference. I will also preface by saying I haven't seen the film.

Apparently some people are mad that Rachel isn't a lesbian or Jewish but has played multiple characters with those identities. In a plot twist, Emma, a Jewish lesbian cast Rachel in Jewish lesbian roles twice, so she's unbothered. Ayo has played a few queer roles and has been consistently vague about her identity but one could assume from her interviews that she is possibly bi or pansexual. Anyways, it came out that Rachel has/had? a boyfriend and Ayo has/had (maybe they broke up?) a boyfriend and people have been up and arms. Like Ayo's dude/ex-dude? was getting harassed to the point a mutual friend stepped in. I think part of this is people just mad because these women maybe are taken and they can't date them but also mad because they feel the roles should have gone to women who are 100% lesbians. I've read some people mad that they think it's a cop out for the actresses to not be transparent because they are in possibly the biggest lesbian movie for this generation. So I guess the question is what do they owe that community, if anything? Not my community, so I dunno but fascinating to think about what this means culturally.

I get that a community can feel that actors who get roles representing them should be cast with people from that marginalized group being prioritized. It took years for things like black, brown, and yellow face to become taboo, for queer characters to even be a thing, and actors allowed to be out. So it does seem like that work should be graciously granted to people who fit those demographics. Like, all of this is still new and messy in Hollywood so I do feel like some reparations as far as opportunity are due. And Hollywood has failed hard even recently. We've just a few years ago had cases of white actors being greenlit to play Asian characters. And I don't care if the characters were bi-racial, most mixed race Asian people look identifiable as being of Asian ancestry and are viewed as non-white. Like, I don't want to see a white person play a bi-racial black woman. Nope. And don't even get me started on how colorist the industry still is. In 2023 black entertainers still feel the need to bleach their skin, only wear European looking hair, and get nose jobs to get ahead. And the sad thing is, it often works. Even Erykah Badu gave in. So we need more black women who look straight up black to not be sidelined... STILL.

So my next thought is people who would say, but, but POC are playing traditionally white characters. To me it doesn't make a difference if the OG character is white if their specific heritage had nothing to do with the character. And even then, exceptions can be made. British, doesn't have to mean white, for instance, etc., etc. And Hamilton subversively cast POC as American founding fathers.

But anyways, back to Bottoms. Again, I don't have a true dog in this fight except to say I'll just focus on Ayo, because she's a black woman. Honestly, I'm just happy to see her get good roles. I don't care if she is personally queer, if she personally isn't queer as long as she is representing an interesting black woman. I do have stakes in her being into men on The Bear because that's the romance I see brewing regardless of what people think representation wise. Her character could be bi or pan and I would be fine with that but sorry, I can't dismiss what I see as her into Carmy. Not to derail this with my shipper goggles but there is a strong contingent of people deeply invested in seeing Syd be a lesbian and I get it but I think if that's not what is written, it isn't what's written regardless of what representation people want to see.

I dunno, my opinions aren't coherent nor do I think I've figured anything out and am not trying to speak for other communities. I'm just sharing passing thoughts and wanted to get other people's opinions in hopefully a civil discussion.

[justsumtransdude2000]

Welcome to my Blog!

Hi! I'm Arlow, I use it/he pronouns, and I'm trans (as you might've guessed from my @.)

I'm a marauders fan, but would like to make it clear I think Terf-K Rowling is a bad person, with bad opinions, and I also believe that these bad opinions are deeply ingrained in her works. In running a marauders blog, I want to take back something Joanne has built her name and fame on; Harry Potter. If you'll remember, she was so mad at Wolfstar gaining popularity she tried to sue. It's not a well kept secret that she doesn't like the fandom engaging in ships that imply her characters to be queer. I also just like the dynamics they've built and personalites that this fandom has attributed to characters.

That being said, I ship a lot of gay ships (rosekiller, wolfstar, bitchkiller, quillkiller, moonrosekiller, bartylus, and jegulus, just to name a few), and a lot of them involve death eaters. I know there is a lot of discourse around that in the fandom, and to that I say; it's not that deep. It truly isn't. Me thinking two wizards kissing isn't pushing some sort of narrative, or harming anyone.

All of that out of the way, my OTPs are Rosekiller, Wolfstar, Pandalily and Quillkiller. I don't hate Jegulus but it's not my favorite. My favorite fic as of now is a split between Ant Pile (a rosekiller fic) and To the Boy Who... (a jegulus fic). I also write fics on Ao3 and mostly just babble about my random fandom thoughts on here.

I also occasionally get political. I'm an anarchist. I support all civil rights, I think trans people should have acess to gender affirming care. I'm pro reparations, and anti AI. I hate capitalism but will admit I don't have all the answers to another type of system. If you can't get behind that, the block button is always open.

Without further ado, please enjoy my rosekiller/bitchkiller rambling!

[ladyimaginarium]

hey y'all im angel / arcana & im your local queer genderfluid two spirit mixed native did system so if y'all wanna be kind & have the means & you wanna support a queer indigenous person on pride month & indigenous history month here's our paypal & we also do tarot readings where you can book here & if you feel so generous, our throne wishlist ! if you're white you can think of this as paying reparations for us w/ dealing w/ antinative racism, antisemitism, ableism, sanism, psyism, pluralphobia, audism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, multitransphobia, exorsexism, intersexism & aphobia & the ongoing colonization & genocide on turtle island & doing my best to fight on the behalf of the indigenous, queer, plural & madcripple communities on here while for any poc reading this you can think of this as extending your solidarity with us. even though we aren't in a life-threatening emergency or a financial crisis, i'm generally not in the right financial space to spend a lot & buying my own shit because im Saving Up™ for a lot of things including the possibility of me hopefully moving out in the spring of next year & i literally cannot work due to my multiple disabilities & i can't stand up for long periods of time without feeling exhausted & just being an overall madcripple so i'm self employed hoping that my readings are going to be my main source of income. we didn't have a great childhood growing up as we were abused for a decade & we weren't taught many lifeskills so we're still learning from the gate so anything you do supports a queer trans nonbinary genderfluid intersex mspec aspec bi autistic disabled neurodivergent hoh chronically ill psychotic spoonie witch two spirit mixed indigenous & jewish system who cannot work but even if you can't donate or book a reading, please spread the word out to help us live easier in this ableist and racist world! support queer indigenous creatives!

[familyabolisher]

I'm very curious about any more in depth thoughts you have on It Came From The Closet! It's been on my radar and I'd been planning to check it out soon as my next read, and this is the first opinion I've seen on it that isn't part of what feels like marketing reviews almost. Is it the analysis of the horror movies and themes that feels off or the way the essays are written? I'm a huge horror fan and I've definitely seen a...few queer horror takes that felt either like reaches or just "off" to me, but it's always hard to put my finger on it

i’ve only read the first few essays so it’s entirely possible that the volume will improve from here on out (though i … haven’t gotten my hopes up), but my impression so far is that it’s a series of schlocky, surface-level analyses providing a veneer of pop talking points around “horror” and “queerness” over what are often frankly uninteresting personal essays. v little insight and v little desire to bring anything new to the table; frankly, v little interest in the films they purport to be writing on beyond shallow rhetorical vehicles for personal reflection. my patience for The Personal Essay is vvv low at the best of times, but like, i can appreciate a work from which i can glean some compelling insights and articulate a thoughtful response. and, god, none of these pieces have crossed that hurdle so far.

like, if it’s not a long string of appeals to buzzwords like “queerbaiting” and “bury your gays” or v poorly substantiated appeals to "subversion" then it's incorrectly defined “reparative reading” or one writer citing that stupid mary oliver soft animal of your body whatever line out of literally nowhere. it’s just not insightful or imaginative. at its worst it does just read like an annoying tumblr post circa 2017. carmen maria machado writes an essay on jennifer’s body as articulating something essential to her bisexuality such that efforts to talk about the way in which it marketed itself via appealing to the homophobic cultural currency of teen lesbian eroticism somehow constitutes “gatekeeping.” this is not compelling or original critical writing, people.

almost every essay seems to fall back on the same base claim: that what makes horror horrifying relies on a currency of alterity which discursively constructs the “other” and that queer people can & will identify with the “other”—the monster in the horror film—in order to make sense of themselves & overturn the hegemony that the film may well seek to affirm. cool, awesome—this is not new analysis. i would not expect this kind of thing to be churned out in a book published in 2022; we know this already. i worry that overleaning into this idea of a “reclamation” of sorts a) risks forfeiting the language we have available to us to actually talk about the sort of bigotry which can fuel these kinds of stories; how many people talk about le fanu’s carmilla as a stunning depiction of erotic lesbian vampires and lose sight of its having been a v homophobic, colonialist text in their doing so?; and b) neglects the tradition of horror within alterity; horror being made not out of a conservative ethos that we seek to critically remould into a kind of limp simulacrum of a “radical” one, but one born out of a desire to tell a story against heteronormative social imaginaries in the first place. it’s all well and good to identify with regan from the exorcist and cite your poor understanding of reparative readings (not a critical framework i subscribe to anyway, but like, at least get it right?) in doing so, but do we have to keep limiting our discourse to this back-and-forth about whether or not we can salvage obviously homophobic/misogynistic/ableist/racist stories forever? lol. i watched Hellraiser for the first time the other day and that was queer horror that could be met with on far more compelling terms than whatever all this is.

[nerdygaymormon]

This conference was really hard for me and I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Pres Nelson and Oaks' talks really made me reevaluate my place in the church and whether or not I want to be here anymore as a queer person. It just feels like everyone just wants us to leave so they can go on pretending the plan of salvation isn't presented in a way that writes out lgbtq people and does so cheerfully.

I also suffer from an eating disorder and when I tried to explain to my older sister in her late twenties that what president nelson said was hurtful, she told me that "well if food is your god, then you are offending the lord because it should just be Jesus. addiction is when something replaces god for you" which made me feel really discouraged and ashamed. Even though I know having an addiction isn't like that logically it still stung. I don't know. Basically I just want to say thanks for being honest about conference because I can't be at home. You're words have brought me a lot of comfort.

Back in the day I used to read blogs of queer Mormons, and they usually followed a similar arc. They were newly home from their mission and then had to grapple with the fact their queerness didn't go away. Things would start very faithful with a commitment to always be an active member, and would progress to them being more critical of the church and then no more entries.

Those blogs meant a lot to me because there was someone like me, but their story wasn't the same as mine.

When I started this blog, one of my goals was to write honestly about what it's like to exist in this space. I thought that one day historians would be interested in what it was like to be a queer person living through this period of LDS history. What did queer people at that time think, feel, and experience? What surprised me is that some currently-living people were interested in what I share.

It's always tempting to put a positive spin on things, to present myself in the best light, like I have everything figured out, but that's not reality. Sharing about being suicidal, crying about how hard therapy was for my social anxiety, my experience with reparative therapy, and how I was hurt by something said in General Conference are very much a part of this experience of being a queer Latter-day Saint, that's why I write about them in my blog.

Sometimes I worry I'm being too raw, too open, too negative, that I share too much. Your message is a good reminder that it's important to be honest so that we can see we aren't alone. Our stories have power! The power to help each other and the power to change the hearts of others.

———————————————————

I'm sorry you don't have family who you can talk to about these things. I don't either. Having a few close friends I can message about hard things is important to me and I hope you have some in your life.

———————————————————

What was said about eternal marriage isn't new, and I've built up some callouses to it, but to have it emphasized like it was in General Conference still hurts, especially how President Nelson linked queerphobic statements with "think Celestial."

Calling people sinners because they deal with mental health issues, like eating disorders, was unexpected and pierced me as I hadn't built up my guard against such rhetoric. Since I shared my reaction on social media, I've received many comments like your sister's.

President Nelson was a heart surgeon. Would he believe that people with heart issues were offending God, that they were worshiping their heart problem instead of God? What the heck?!! It doesn't make sense. Many people dealing with hard things turn to God for help.

I'm pretty sure God wants to help heal us. I don't think our personal trials offend Him. If anything, He hurts with us and for us. Jesus invites healing, not shame.

These "addictions" that President Nelson attacked are ways a person's mind and body try to cope with hard things. My mental health challenges come from being a queer Latter-day Saint and are ways my body & mind have coped with the emotional trauma and dissonance. So many queer folks have eating disorders and anxiety disorders. I'm glad our bodies protect us from worse consequences, but it sucks that this is a common result for queer people who try to be religious. Most non-queer members don't recognize there is a high cost to be paid by us, and I want them to know these are the fruits of the anti-queer teachings and policies

Please know you are loved. There is an online community of queer Mormons who know what you're feeling and who are pulling for you. If you need help, there are resources

please visit these if you are queer and need help:

Only to age 24: @trevorproject@utahtrevorproject (Utah) @encircletogether (Utah)

In Utah: @flourishtherapyinc @celebratetherapy

Active LDS: @liftandloveorg (national&online)

National: @glaad @988lifeline (involves law enforcement)

[mare-sanguis]

I was tagged by @thedevildeer 💫 to post nine books I want to read/finish in 2025. (you got me back on tumblr with that tag)

i'm a slow reader, especially currently so hopefully i will in fact get to finish 9 books. lets see how that goes 🙏🏻

Slewfoot by Brom

currently in the midst of reading and it's honestly so interesting, i just love how its written. set in colonial new england in 1666 connecticut, it centers around recent widowed outcast abitha who has to go against her puritan colony. mixed in with mythology, paganisms, mystery and fairytales it's the perfect book for anyone who loved "the witch" (2015 movie)

Lapvona by Ottessa Moshfegh

started reading it some while ago but had to drop it due to circumstances cuz it's so messed up. a year later now, i swear i will finally finish it. taking place in a corrupt medieval fiefdom, it centers around a 13 y/o deformed boy. when he commits a crime, the cruel fiefdom lord demands the boys father to hand him over as reparations. that's all i'm gonna say 😭 who ever decides to read this better read the triggers cuz there are a LOT and i mean it.

Dont let the forest in by CG Drews

was recommended to me and now i need to get my hands on it somehow. centering around high school senior andrew perrault who finds refuge in the twisted fairytales that he writes for the only person who can ground him to reality. its queer and dark (academia themed) which makes it double the must read in my opinion

The good son by Jeong You-Jeong

it's been a while since i read this book up in english but now i want to give it a try in german 🙏🏻 don't want to spoil much but it's basically a classical crime story but with an unreliable narrator at the center. it's that book that resparked my love for the unreliable narrator narrative. still waiting for it to get turned into a kdrama cut i know it'll work amazing

Heaven by Mieko Kawakami

gotta love me some story that takes me back right to my school days... yeah. so anyway, it tackles bullying through the eyes of a 14 y/o student who's subject to relentless torment. in the midst of it, he finds comfort in a female classmate who goes through the same. it's definitely not an easy read that's for sure but i think it's a great help for anyone who has suffered under bullying once in their lifetime to realize we're never alone in this. i'm sure it can also open the eyes of the perpetrators themselves.

S/Ship of Theseus by J.J Abrams/Doug Dorst

its more than just a book. its got 3 key figures: the book (ship of theseus), the writer (straka), the readers (eric and jennifer). "a young woman picks up a book left behind by a stranger. inside it are his margin notes, which reveal a reader entranced by the story and by its mysterious author. she responds with notes of her own, leaving the book for the stranger, and so begins an unlikely conversation that plunges them both into the unknown." i love books like where you gotta have to use your braincells a little bit more so i can't wait to gets my hands on it soon, hopefully

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

"a young family moves into a small home on ash tree lane where they discover something is terribly wrong: their house is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside" - its not just a book but also a riddle and a challenge. along with the story the structur of the book also plays with you. i always loved interactive books as a young kid so i know i'll eat this one up like a starving victorian child

The fall of the house of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe

i think we all know that story and i do too but honestly there are just so many variations of it i need to read them all. i specifically want the limited/decorative edition with the little extras inside

Good girls don't die by Christina Henry

always loved her books so of course i also have to read this one. its one book with three different stories: the 1st story about a woman who finds herself in a house that isnt hers with a husband she's never seen before and a girl who claims to be her daughter, the 2nd story is about friends traveling to a cabin, visited by a stranger at night and the 3rd is about a 12 women forced to participate in "the maze"- a high obstacle course

won't tag anyone cuz i got no one to tag 😭

[peaceofthespirit]

hi! sorry to bother you & i am absolutely not questioning your own intentions when rbing the post but the recent post u just reblogged about how you should care about people in the global south even if theyre not queer or poc is made by a zionist with zionistic intent - the argument they are insinuating is that people care about palestinians more than about israelis because palestinians are non white (???) which suggests anti-white racism exists (among other zionist nonsense). the sentiment of "you shouldnt just care about the queer people / women / people who are like you because the entire population is suffering" is legit, op was just using it to package their zionistic views imo. hate to b that person but i just had to let u know:( love ur blog <33

oh shit oh fuck ignore my other ask i misread their post as "global south" bc i forgot the US existed. op is still a zionist tho

oh man thanks for letting me know!!! zionist propaganda is so bad it's like you'll say something that sounds good and normal at first but then somehow that line of thinking is supposed to justify creating an apartheid state that displaces people and culminates in ethnic cleansing. like. literally what the fuck. why do zionists act like caring about jews and the people who live in the state of israel cannot include supporting decolonization, reparations, and a democratic solution in palestine??? it's like when (typically white) USAmericans think decolonization/land back means making all non-indigenous people leave the land or taking away all their rights. like that's a projection!!! but the way education has traditionally worked in places like the U.S. and Israel is that from a young age you are taught myths that justify colonization and that the only way forward is protecting the status quo. it's so deeply ingrained in people, which ultimately means that trying to break them out of that thinking is sometimes a waste of precious time. I do think it's important to at least try with the people we actually have relationships with though. sorry this turned into a huge rant but damn.

[theorchardsys]

Guilt VS Shame VS Embarrassment

[link to plain text version] Alright, we need to have a chat. You guys are too embarrassed or even ashamed about doing things that are harmless.

If you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or something you consider similar about:

Doing "cringe" things

Being yourself

Being openly queer

Talking about things that you like

Stimming

Dressing how you want to dress

Allowing yourself a chance to be "lazy"

Cutting off people

Saying no

Making mistakes

Asking for help

Snacking on junk food

How you look

Enjoying sex

Or anything else

This post is for you.

So, you've probably felt guilt, shame, and embarrassment at different points in your life. However, before we continue, let's set a couple of things straight. What are shame, guilt, and embarrassment?

Guilt: "the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime."

Shame: "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."

Embarrassment: "a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness."

-Oxford Languages

Okay, so that's the dictionary definition. They all came from Oxford Languages, aka Google. Simple. You've probably felt each of those from doing something such as eating a cookie your mom said you couldn't have, to tripping up the stairs in public, to stuttering over your words in a conversation.

Of course, each of them feels awful in their own right, and the emotions of guilt, shame, and embarrassment can feel insanely similar, but those different experiences have very clear levels of severity. One of them is explicitly disobeying an authority figure, one is causing a bit of a scene, and one is just a common trip up.

Now, let's delve into why we feel these in correlation to which events cause them. Let's start with a question. Which one of those is objectively bad? Eating the cookie intentionally, unintentionally tripping, or unintentionally stuttering? If you're anything like me, I would say the former: eating the cookie.

Okay, if that wasn't a good example, let's use a couple from the list.

Stimming: Not bad. Snacking: Not bad. Yelling at someone: Bad.

The objectively bad action would most likely cause guilt because you have committed a specific or implied offense, and the objectively neutral emotions would most likely cause embarrassment or shame as you have done something foolish or abnormal, but not particularly harmful.

I hope that makes sense. If it doesn't, please feel free to reblog with more examples of scenarios, send an ask for more clarification, or suggest some more scenarios I should edit in.

We now know the difference between guilt, shame, and embarrassment, and we have some examples of which are objectively bad. Now, sorting out emotions into positive and negative is incredibly unproductive. We just feel. However, knowing what to do with them is a different story. If you feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about anything in the list from the beginning, now is the bit where I help you out with knowing what to do with your emotions.

Step One: Identifying the Emotions

Okay, so we know what they are and what causes them, we have to be able to identify them.

My favorite way to identify is to use a couple questions.

Has anybody been negatively affected directly or harmed by your action? This includes if it was by accident. If yes, it's probably guilt. If not, it's probably something else.

Do you feel pained or distressed because of this action? If yes, it's probably shame. If not, it's probably embarrassment.

Step Two: What to Do With This Information

Congrats! You've identified your emotion. Now, you can move onto this step.

If it was guilt:

You have reparations to be made. You have hurt another person with your actions (whether that be physically or emotionally), and you have to try to make it better. The best thing to do is apologize, promise not to do the thing again (genuinely) and try to help out with repairs if objects were broken if you are financially able, such as replacing the objects, helping pay for a replacement, or giving the person enough money to pick out a new one. Go easy on yourself. Unless it was done with premeditated malicious intent, then it was probably an accident or just getting caught in the heat of the moment. Please, be kind to yourself.

If you find yourself feeling ashamed of the simple act of making a mistake, please follow the following advice.

If it was shame:

You've identified that you feel ashamed. Allow yourself to feel it. Don't push it down. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. Don't, however, sit in it. Don't let it linger longer than needed. When you stand up again, you two have had your conversation and you no longer need to say anything to it. Talk to yourself, or think to yourself, or feel to yourself. Remember that you have done nothing wrong. There is no need to apologize, and there is no need to feel bad about what you have done. It didn't hurt anybody. If somebody was offended by this harmless action, then that is their choice. Your action was not objectively bad or wrong. It is okay to exist and live as you are. It's okay.

If it was embarrassment:

It's okay to be embarrassed! Just try not to hold on to it for too long. You can let go, as nobody but yourself will worry over it. If people bring it up, and that bothers you, then feel free to set boundaries and ask them not to mention it. Be careful not to let your embarrassment sit, as it can become shame, and shame is a lot harder to let go. Go easy on yourself, and remember that it's okay to exist. To err is to be human.

Step Three: Knowing When to Let Go

Let go when you feel as though you're done processing. That's the simplest answer. When you have made reparations or processed your emotions (meaning after you have acknowledged them but you begin to sit in them), let them go. They've allowed you to get to know something about yourself, but you don't need to keep around things that feel yucky to you. If you really struggle with this, then, if you would like, a therapist can help you better deal with processing and letting go of emotions.

This is a pretty basic guide, and I am not a licensed psychotherapist or psychologist. I'm mostly just sharing what I've learned over the years and what works for me. If this doesn't work, then feel free to fully ignore it. If you have something to add, go ahead and send me an ask, reblog, or add a comment.

Thank you so much for reading until the end and have a spectacular day!