#these are all things I witnessed or experienced directly when I was participating in the MM community

[spacecat-studio]

Can we stop having the same reductive argument about women reading MM it’s fucking 2024 and there is a fifty percent chance that my government is going to get flushed into a fascist toilet of censorship and explicit oppression of minorities. People reading and writing what they want is not the problem.

You want to talk about the problems in the MM romance community? Great, let’s talk about how it’s just chock full of queerphobia. Let’s talk about how entitled fans stewing in a soup of internalized misogyny, or just outright misogyny, harass authors who step outside the MM genre to write queer MF, or sapphic or trans or nonbinary stories. Let’s talk about women and afab enbies who won’t touch stories about queer women with a ten foot pole. Let’s talk about the authors who profit from queer narratives under one pen name and cater to homophobic fans under another. Let’s talk about how a huge majority of MM authors are women or afab enbies but who can’t even imagine worlds where there are female and nonbinary characters in the background, much less as a part of the actual narrative. Let’s talk about acephobia and how even the ace authors can’t seem to imagine a world where ace characters exist except as side stories. Let’s talk about how deeply conservative many romance narratives are, about how they perpetrate a singular view of what love, romance, and sex should be. Let’s talk about how many readers treat MM as a kind of escapist tourist destination while ignoring the real life issues queer people face. Let’s talk about the authors who put ‘New York times best selling author’ in the bio for their gay romance pen name but won’t tell you that author name because they want to have their cake and eat it too.

Let’s talk about the defense ‘it’s just entertainment’ because it never is just entertainment. We are still dealing with the cultural fallout that the Hays code perpetuated about queer characters, in which the queer characters had to be portrayed as evil predators or tragic figures who die at the end. Trans women have been the butt of gross jokes in movies for decades. (Lindsey Ellis has a great breakdown of this on YouTube.) Big studios won’t make queer stories because they can’t market them to china. Amazon’s algorithmic doom spiral buries narratives that don’t conform to the narrow standard of comforting regressive escapism. The faceless corporate machine allows authors from marginalized groups to be silenced by bullies. Let’s talk about how it rewards the privileged authors who have the time and financial considerations to put out mediocre trash every other month. Let’s talk about how we sold our future out to the Amazon machine for the immediate profits of the now, and how that’s made the system unsustainable and hostile to our interests. Let’s talk about how authors will band together against legitimate criticism of their bad behavior to use that system to silence those critics. Authors who literally made their names writing MM narratives yet still espouse conservative ideals that get real queer men oppressed. Authors who file the serial numbers off their fan fiction and publish it as original work without bothering to flesh out the narrative or characters, for profit. The system that allows scammers to do this to fan works so easily and with little to no accountability. All in the name of entertainment.

Let’s talk about the real problems, because I’m fucking tired of the bullshit and the hypocrisy. I’m tired of having a checklist to vet authors so I don’t end up supporting yet another one who turns out to be an exploitive piece of shit. And I’m tired of seeing this argument use to justify misogyny and the persistent misgendering of nonbinary folks.

[kindasleepywriter]

Bird of Prey - Chapter 6: Tempest

Bird of Prey masterlist. Azriel x Reader.

Chapter summary: Feyre dives into unwanted memories, and Azriel deals with the consequences you have to endure.

Story rating: Mature - Minors DNI

Warnings: Torture, blood, burns, use of the word "half-breed", trauma response. This is a heavy chapter- but balanced with fluff, so much fluff<3

Word count: 5.6k

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The few days spent alone with Lucien had done you a lot of good. Cassian and Nesta weren’t around often, and it was refreshing to finally let your guard down, being able to exhale after centuries of holding your breath. The two of you were barely able to scratch the surface of all that you’d lived in the last two hundred and something years.

He was completely in love with his mate, and you were profoundly grateful that the mother had granted him a reprieve and a circle of people he trusted. Elain seemed like a sweet girl- a good soul that had managed to keep her softness through unending trauma. You’d never tell Lucien that you still didn’t trust her, of course, but you knew he was aware of your ‘hesitancy to accept people’, as he’d called it once.  Over dinners and late-night chats, he’d gone quickly over the rocky beginnings of their relationship- and Azriel’s part in that turbulence- but he reassured you that there was no bad blood, and Azriel had even been to one to finally convince Elain to take a chance on Lucien. You didn’t know how you felt about that information, so you willfully ignored it.

His friends, his band of exiles, as he called them, also seemed like interesting people- especially the firebird. He was excited about the prospect of introducing you to them and, even though you were reticent to meet strangers, there was little you wouldn’t do for him. You could try, at the very least.

Then, there was the elephant in the room. Amarantha. You already knew the gist of what had happened during those fifty years, but he recounted how he had experienced it in Spring, his friends sent to slaughter in the human lands in hopes of ending her reign. He knew you understood what being trapped felt like. You’d offered him the best support you could muster, pushing past your discomfort at the subject.

“Where were you during that time, anyways? How did you hide from that nightmare for five decades?”, Lucien asked, sitting in an armchair to the side of yours where both of you were taking comfort in the crackle of a low fire in the sitting room. “I heard you disappeared during that time. No one heard about any contracts you might’ve taken.”

“Well, I didn’t have the chance to be in Velaris when the curse rose from under the mountain”, you muttered sarcastically, “but I already had so few ties to people. It wasn’t hard to keep track of them and… well. You’re aware of what I do when a messenger decides to let slip important details. They know the consequences signing on.”

Lucien winced. “Did it happen often.?”

“Only once, at the end of the first year. A shopkeeper who thought he might be able to gain Amarantha’s favor by selling me out. I decided not to take any chances after that and I took shelter as far as I could, even hiding in the human lands for a while. Any contracts I could’ve gotten during that time would’ve probably been on her orders, directly or not. I didn’t want to participate in her destruction. I did visit you in spring once or twice over the decades, though. I think I rather prefer you without the mask.”

“You’re not the only one, but I also think not ripping the collars of my shirts while dressing is really the best thing about losing it.”, he chuckled. “I’m glad to hear you weren’t hurt during her reign. She really had an obsession over you, but you never even heard about that, did you?”

You shook your head, confused. You knew she’d have interest in someone with your skillset, but you weren’t exactly well known. You wouldn’t be very good at your job if you left witnesses.

“What did I ever do to piss her off? I’ve never even been close to her for contracts, it’s not like she could’ve had a grudge against me.”

“She didn’t need to know you to resent you- You know your old reputation, Feather, but you’ve got to understand that it’s not just a rumor circulating through the undercities anymore,” he said, “People were clinging on to every hope they could during those decades. The idea of someone who had the power to take down rulers… It caught on like a brushfire.”

“But I wasn’t even there.”

“That’s a detail the common folk didn’t care about.”

“And yet, its still the most crucial one.”, you sighed. “By the mother, they might’ve thought I’d be their savior, but I didn’t talk to a single soul for half a century.”

“Now, that’s one long dry spell, I’ll say that your uptight attitude with the others is so much more unders- ow!”, he yelped as you smacked him in the arm with the book that sat on the table between you.

“If you think me not getting any for a couple years is enough for me to not check your audacity, Kit, I-“

“Now that I think about it, maybe that explains the tension between you and a certain spymaster, I’m sure after so long out there you just can’t- stop it!” Another smack, as he held you at arm’s length to protect himself from any further literary assaults, but he continued undeterred.

“I mean, with the way you’re watching him, I feel like you’re really earning your title of Bir-“ 

You clapped a hand over his mouth, hissing. “Not here!”You had no idea who could be listening in. Using your ‘professional’ name wasn’t the best idea.

He wrenched your arm away from him, laughing. “They’re not going to hurt you. They’re not who you think they are, Feathers. The act they put up before was mostly just that, an act.  I know you heard the rumors, that you-”

Your mind flipped like a switch from amusement to anger, and you shoved him away. Lucien’s face immediately went white at your change in demeanor.

“Heard the rumors, Lucien? I didn’t just hear them, I saw them! I’ll be damned before any of these damn faes fool me into believing their bullshit. The camps, they’re a nightmare.”

You were seething. He knew of your history, and to disregard their actions as mere court gossip felt like a betrayal.

“You don’t know what it’s like to see a little girl’s wings pinned to the town square because she went just a little too far in the forest”, you spat, “women carrying so many bruises that their skin was more purple than skin colored, flinching whenever a door opened!”

A soft voice put an end to your tirade. “I’m sorry you’ve been witness to such a horrible event. These clippings… They’re harrowing.”, the High Lady said, standing in the doorway of the room with her arms loosely folded as she stared at you, pain flashing in her eyes. You hadn’t noticed her, in your anger. Immediately, you stiffened and tried to calm your breathing, but struggled when you heard Lucien let out a breath of relief behind you. You fought every urge to turn around and swing at him. He’d get his verbal beating later. You forced your voice back into neutrality, years of practice aiding you.

“I assume that you disapprove of the practice, then.”, you said, venom still subtly lacing your words despite your efforts.

“Of course, I do.”, she sighed. “We’ve been doing what we can to stop them, I swear that to you, but it’s easier to try and lift a mountain than to convince the Lords watching over the camps.”

You narrowed your eyes, not offering a word. If convincing them was the problem, you thought, then perhaps a change in leadership was needed. Either for those Lords… or higher in the ranks. Still, you felt a certain amount of honesty in her words. Maybe she had a distaste for the practice, but it didn’t mean her entourage did.

She exhaled, noticing your closed off body language. She walked slowly into the room, sparing a glance at Lucien, standing still for a moment before turning back to you. “I was told you asked for me specifically, to hear what you’re willing to share.”

Ah, right. The planned dive into the most intimate part of yourself: your memories. You’d almost forgotten about it, in the comfort of Lucien’s presence. Almost.

Lucien shuffled around you awkwardly, nodding to Feyre as he left the room with haste. If your jaw could clench any harder, you were pretty sure your teeth would have started cracking by now.

“You seemed like the better alternative.”, you said.

“Yes, I know Rhys can be a little much when you meet him for the first time. Trust me, I didn’t like him at first either.”

Mentally, you rolled her eyes. What words were hers, which ones were his, and were any of them truthful? You couldn’t know.

Feyre looked disappointed at your lack of response. If she thought a few niceties would change your mind about her mate, she was wrong.

“Well, we can get started, if you’d like. This will only take a minute.”

You nodded.

She gestured to the velvet couch that sat parallel to the armchairs you and Lucien had occupied, and you sat, keeping a certain distance from her. You felt the fire’s warmth at your side. A cold shiver ran through you despite it.

“What do I need to do, exactly? Do I need to close my eyes, or…”

The truth was that you had no idea how daemati powers worked. You’d had a certain amount of training in the Dawn court against it, but it was always from a position of defense. The instinct to bar anyone from your mind had been drilled into you as a young fae, and the idea of letting someone in was making every nerve in your body recoil. You didn’t want people to see even the most minute emotional reaction, and Feyre would be privy to your entire history and thoughts.

“If you feel like you need to, you may, but it’s not necessary. Just lower your shields and I’ll make sure to keep it as brief as possible. You can go afterwards, but invite you to stay, should you choose too. You’re Lucien’s friend, he’s told us good things about you…”, she said.

You braced yourself for the intrusion, keeping quiet and watching her carefully as you dismantled your barriers, brick by brick. She seemed to abandon the idea of convincing you. You felt the soft scratch of sharp talons against them, figuratively knocking at your door. The feeling was too familiar to Rhysand’s powers, and you couldn’t help but shudder at the thought. You finally made an opening in your stone walls.

Her incorporeal presence started to sort through your mind. You appreciated that she let you see her exploring and that she focused on the relevant parts of your memories. You knew that was a conscious choice on her part and you felt the slightest appreciation for how respectful she was in the situation. You felt a warmth from her as the thought crossed your mind, immediately turning your gratefulness into wariness again.

She started at the most recent events, thankfully skipping your time since you’d arrived in Velaris, and travelled backwards in time. She saw the confrontation with Azriel in the woods, the hunt for the Illyrian spy across Prythian, back to the initial arrangement that had taken place.

You almost felt her shock as she witnessed your messenger transmitting the details of the contract, lingering on it just a moment too long for it to go unnoticed. The story of the young woman and what she suffered, her forced marriage, her destroyed wings. You felt Feyre’s fury run through you as she processed the information. Her emotional state agitated her, so much that some of her memories slipped through.

You could see her discussing with her circle in a large room, a table covered in what seemed to be reports and maps, debating on ways to protect the women in the camps. You saw fragments of her and Rhysand, locked in an embrace in the morning light, whispering about the horror they’d seen, his hold on her tightening as tears ran down her cheeks. You felt like an intruder, these were private conversations, intimate moments, but you couldn’t help but be shocked at the idea that the court really did want to change the camps. Was she the only one pushing for this, or did they listen to her pleas for change? She did hate those clippings, that you were sure of. You let out an exhale of relief, ready to rebuild your barriers.

What you didn’t expect, however, was for her to keep going. You began to struggle as you tried to stack brick after brick, shoving her out, but she was too strong. She wasn’t finished, and you were powerless to stop it, but panic ran through you. You couldn’t tell where her emotions started and when yours ended, if the thoughts running through you were hers, yours, or somebody else’s.

You tried to throw every thought possible at her, stop her descent into your past, but she was too far gone in the trauma of your past. She was getting too close, too deep, and you were shaking through it all.

“Stop.”, you gritted out aloud. “You know I wasn’t here to cause problems, stop going through my fucking past, let me go!”

It was as if she didn’t hear you, but she let out a gasp of shock when she completely bypassed your time in Autumn, flying instead to the one moment you had never shared with anyone like a moth to a flame. Ice ran through your veins. Anything but this, any other memory, you pleaded, but you were met with only growing alarm and dread. You were both engulfed by the weight of your pain.

-

“Dad, please, I didn’t think, I’m sorry!”

You were sobbing, a large weight on your chest as two hands gripped the bone that ran along the top of each of your wings so harshly that you could feel the fingernails drawing blood and ripping out soft dawn feathers. Your full feathers weren’t even completely mature yet, you weren’t even fully grown yet.

“Damn right you didn’t think, you ungrateful little shit. I was clear that you would not come back here.”, the man spit out. “You’re not my daughter, never was. I don’t care that your mother died pretending to have the right to fight. I’m not responsible for a disgusting fucking chicken like you!”

You squinted through the pain at him, his knees digging into your thorax as he held you down. You couldn’t breathe. His stocky frame blocked out the light that filtered through the shut windows, his wings fully extended as you struggled against his hold. His leathery black wings.

“I’ll go right now”, you pleaded, “I’ll never be seen in the night court again, I swear, please, just let me go!”

His hand gripped tighter, a loud cry echoing through your lungs.

“And have Arevos think me weak, letting a few tears from a half-breed like you sway me? Never, not in a million years. You’ll learn the consequences of your actions. You’ll see what happens to lowly women like you who would rather destroy a man’s reputation than know your place.”

He swung a fist at you, dizzying you as you choked on the blood now flowing down your throat. He moved behind you, stepping on you in the process, and started dragging you out the door, grabbing only your wings. You screamed in pain, sobbing uncontrollably as red-hot pain shot through your muscles and back, feathers ripping out and leaving bloody trails as your father stepped through the camp furiously. You clawed at the floor, trying to grip at anything to yank yourself out of his grip, only catching dirt and stones and your fingernails ripping.

He hauled you out to the forest, closely followed by Arevos and a few other legionnaires. They watched, laughing, as Aravos’ son handed your father a blade. Kallon. The only person in this forsaken camp who’d ever spoken to you like a person, now laughing at your torture as if you were only entertainment. The dagger radiated warmth, its metal red from where it had been laying in a nearby campfire. Your crying impossibly grew louder, your pleas ignored as you tried to call for Kallon’s help, tried to bargain, to negotiate, but they didn’t care. They all watched on with vicious smirks as the legionnaires freed your father’s hands and held your wings down for him.

You’d never felt pain like this before. Broken bones, sprained muscles, you were familiar with. This? It didn’t even begin to compare. You felt like it went on for hours, pain drowning out the laughter of the sadists that surrounded you.  You wailed and screamed until your throat wouldn’t let anymore more than pained croaks come out, vocal cords giving up on you as your spirit was crushed by the reality of what was happening. Your wings were who you are, and you knew this might be the last time you’d ever see them.

You prayed to the mother to let you dive into unconsciousness, to grant you the peacefulness of death, but your prayers were useless, and you could picture the goddess spitting at your feet in disgust. You were delirious, still feeling every touch and burn of that dagger as it sliced through your flesh as if you were a slaughtered animal, only worth anything torn apart and freed of your vile skin.

An unspeakable amount of time late, bored of the spectacle that was your murder. They let go of your body and left it on the forest floor, every shred of your body and soul bleeding profusely, meeting with dirt and moss. Fertilizer was all you would ever be, all that you were worthy of. Your breath was barely more than a whisper, a crackle of fire inside your chest. When the dark embraced you, your life draining into the ground along with your silent tears, you only felt gratefulness that your torment was over.

-

Someone was saying your name. It resonated around you despite you barely hearing it, like an echo in a dark cave. You felt the hard floor beneath you, no longer embedded into your grave as distant shouts reached your ears. You were crying, rolled into a fetal position. You were screaming, the crackle of fire and pain ever present within you.

“What the HELL did you do to her, Feyre?”, you heard a deep voice yell.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t stop falling into her memories, it was like I’d fallen through a crack in her mind! I can’t stop seeing it, the torture, the pain…”, a panicked feminine voice replied.

You were still howling like a wounded animal, your eyes closed tightly. A torrent of wind was whipping your face, sharp pain still coursing through your veins, a ghost underneath your skin. You could make out hands slowly lifting you from the ground, startling you into resisting in the darkness, your screaming turning to sobs and pleas of mercy, but cold mist surrounded you, an unknown familiarity only barely making a dent in calming you. You were shaking uncontrollably from your sobs, the pain fainter than it had been moments ago.

“Shh, it’s okay Dove”, a voice whispered to you, even though it still seemed so distant from you, muted in the roaring consuming your mind. “You’re safe, they can’t get you here. You can breathe.”

You couldn’t stop your sobs. It was if every emotion you’d ever felt, ever suppressed were rushing out of you all at once. You were drowning beneath the waves. Firm hands traced circles on your back, and a softer wind laid on your skin like a blanket. Your hands gripped the thin fabric that you felt brush against your fingers. The warm voice kept murmuring, soothing you.

You could only lay there helpless against the never-ending agony as you cried.

-

When you came to again, it was to the sound of voices again. A soft touch was running over your back.

“She destroyed the sitting room; we can’t let her stay here.”

“Maybe if Feyre hadn’t gone looking in places she shouldn’t have, it could’ve been prevented.” You felt deep vibrations against your cheek.

“Watch it, you’re clearly too invested in her to-”

“Rhys, let him be.” A feminine voice, this time. “What matters here is how she even managed to summon that storm. We didn’t even feel any power from her and then this happens… I showed Mor, and she said it was exactly like the one I’d made before she saved me from Tamlin’s manor. We can’t just-”

You couldn’t help a whimper from leaving you from the tension the room, your hands flat against the same fabric as before. You felt exhaustion down to every single bone in your body. The surface against which you laid shifted, the warm circles stopping for just a moment.

“Az… We’ll come back later, but we need to meet whenever possible. We haven’t told Lucien yet, he’s with Elain at their cottage, but I won’t be able to hold keep in the dark for long, and we all know he’ll freak out.”

“Just let me handle it for now, Rhys.”

You felt the sun harshly against your eyelids and back as you gained more awareness and tried to blink the sleep out of your eyes to grasp your surroundings. You stretched out your legs a little, the hand on your back tightening and keeping you from going too far. Your eyes got used to the light, and you became aware of the body underneath your hands. You squinted and looked up at Azriel, sighing. He was watching you like a hawk, worry written all over his face.

Wait. Azriel?

You yelped and jumped out of his hold, almost toppling over the side of the bed from the force of your wings snapping shut, Azriel’s hands stopping you from falling face first of the ground by gripping your waist and lifting you up into a sitting position in front of him.

Your eyes widened as you scampered to the foot of the bed away from him, your brain still in a fog of exhaustion that confused your senses and your heart beating like a hummingbird’s. How did you end up here?

“What- What happened?”, you said, agitated and too tired to wrangle your demeanor into calculated cold.

“Feyre didn’t have the decency to keep her curiosity under control when she paid a little visit to your memories, that’s what happened.”, he grumbled, still watching you as if he feared you’d run for the door at any moment.

His fear wasn’t unfounded. You were considering the option, still freaking out a little over the proximity you two had shared.

You looked around yourself, finally realizing that the two of you were in the bedroom you’d been staying in, a book still open face down on the other side of the bed just like you’d left it to talk to Lucien. You could faintly remember talking to Feyre, the relief you’d felt… And then the terror. It all came rushing back and you curled against yourself. Shadows wrapped around your ankles and legs softly, cooling your now overheated skin.

“She saw… she saw everything, didn’t she?”, you said, your voice cracking. Your eyes filled with tears again.

“She only saw the worst of it. She didn’t elaborate much, but I think we all understood what she’d seen.” His hands were clenched into fists, knuckles white, and he immediately relaxed them when he caught you looking. You studied his hands, the scarred skin. It looked just like the scars you carried from the torture your father had put you through.

“If it means anything”, he continued, “I truly am sorry that happened to you. It’s something you should never have gone through. To know that Arevos had a part to play in it too… We’ll deal with him.”

You looked up from his hands, a question dawning on you. “Did you… Did you see my wings?”

He shook his head. “Only the backside of them, they relaxed when you fell asleep. I was careful not to let you on your back, I didn’t want you to injure them.”

You let out a shaky breath of relief, whispering your thanks. He could’ve easily used the opportunity to examine the mess of scars that laid there, along with the only clear sign of your Illyrian heritage. Hints of it were everywhere, from the softer tip of your ear, your more angular wings, and the above-average length of their terminal bones, but you could pass as full-blooded Peregryn.  You still had the typical hollow bones, the eye color and skin tone of their people.

What stood out, however, was only visible when you fully extended your wings. The soft dawn that protected the base of your flight feathers wasn’t the pure, untainted white or vibrant gold of your comrades. Instead, the light feathers emerged from midnight-black tufts that lined the skin. Only in flight could it been truly seen, but it was enough to mark you as the one thing the population of the Dawn court hated most: A half-breed, specifically one whose father was a disgusting Illyrian.

 Azriel could’ve easily just lifted your wing and looked, and you would’ve never known. Yet, he didn’t. Your heart warmed a little from its current apathy.

“Am I cleared, then? Free to go?”

His face dropped from aggravation to something akin to... nervousness? “We know you can be trusted if that’s what you’re wondering. Feyre left you the choice of leaving, so you weren’t forced to exit the court after what happened. There’s something else you need to know before you go though, and it’s got the others worried.”

You frowned. You were less eager to depart from Velaris than you thought you’d be, but your freedom was your priority. You didn’t want another reason for them not to let you go.

“When you were reliving the memory, something peculiar happened. I don’t think Feyre was expecting it, given the look on her face when I flew in. You may have… whipped up a storm in the sitting room. More precisely, you summoned one.”

“That’s impossible. I don’t have powers.”, you stated, confused. Was this his idea of a prank? If so, it was needlessly cruel.

He hesitated, clearly considering his next words carefully. “We thought that too, but you really did create it. It was your energy, even if it didn’t feel as clear as it should. You used it like a shield surrounding you. Feyre couldn’t even get close to you.”

Shock coursed through you. You’d never shown any signs of power, much to the dismay of your parents. You’d always been the disappointment. The result of the union of one of the greatest Illyrian warriors and a commander of the Dawn court was expected to be of great power, even if considered as lesser than. It became clear quickly as you grew that you weren’t, and unable to use what little you had of it. You could fight, sure, but power? Not a chance.

“I spent the first 18 years of my life being tested relentlessly in every manner known to man.”, you said. “How is this even possible?”

“We’re not exactly sure, but the theory so far is that Feyre may have unlocked your capabilities when she went digging through your mind. Quite violently too, given the state of the room.”, he nervously laughed. “It wasn’t the first time this happened, either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that the other day, you left a burn so deep in the doorknob of the study that I’m surprised it didn’t catch fire.”

The study? Oh. That study. Your face flushed. Knowing what you did now, you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by your reaction.

“I’m sorry.”, you whispered.

Azriel almost growled as he got closer to you, reaching out a hand to lay on your crossed knees. “You have nothing to apologize for. I should’ve known better. God I…” He paused, rubbing a hand over his face. “I can’t begin to imagine how it felt, you had every right to end it there. I’m just grateful it was the door, not me.”

You looked up at him. His hand still covered his face, and he was stiff as a board.

You considered silently your next move. You were still exhausted, and you definitely weren’t thinking right, but you were just so tired of always pretending. Always keeping up a cold front, always distancing yourself from any who dared approach you. Since you’d met him, you’d been nothing but cruel to him. All of this for your false impression of the rulers of the Night court, and a single insult from centuries ago. Your heart was screaming at you to say something, do anything other than shut yourself off. For once, you listened.

“Look, Azriel, I… I’m not sure how I feel right now, I’m lost, and I can’t make sense of anything.” You gently laid a hand over the one that covered your knee.  “What I do know is that we clearly started off with misconceptions about each other.”

His eyes snapped to yours, lowering his hand. “I think we agree on that.”, he chuckled dryly, the hold on your knee tightening slightly before letting go. His shadows retreated from you abruptly, as if forced to. He abruptly stood up and started pacing with his back turned to you. His fists were clenched again. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable here. I feel like I’ve imposed enough.”, he said. “I’m the one who dragged you here, threatening you with torture or mind-breaking, and it was so wrong to force myself on you then and now keeping you here with me, you’ve got enough going on as is, and I should ask Lucien to come up here to stay with you, he’s the one who you feel comfortable with-”

His breath stuttered as you threaded your arms around his ribcage after you’d silently tip-toed over to his position. You were careful not to touch his wings and you laid your cheek against his back. You felt him shudder as his arms captured yours at his front, his head dropping. The heat of him didn’t help your drowsy state but his shadows reached out tentatively and encircled you again when a sigh of contentment escaped you.

You couldn’t say why you trusted this man. You didn’t have many memories together, especially positive ones, but something in him drawn you to him like a siren would a ship. You knew there was more to him than he let others see, and your own shattered self resonated with his.

“I don’t agree, Az.”, you whispered softly. He hummed in dissent, but you just gripped him tighter. “If I’d wanted you out of here you would’ve known. I quite remember my knee doing some damage last time you hurt me.”

He laughed, startled, the vibrations coursing up your arms.

“I don’t need to start wearing special armor around you, then?”, he said.

“Not yet, no.”

A moment of silence, the two of you wrapped around each other, unmoving in the sunlit room.

“I meant it when I thanked you.”, you finally said. “For staying with me last night, for getting me out of there in the first place. For letting me fall apart.”

“I couldn’t leave you there.”, he breathed. “I felt the bargain disappear and then I heard your screams from miles away. I thought- I don’t know what I thought. I raced here as felt as I could.”

You bowed your head, even though you knew he couldn’t see you. You were starting to feel faint. Using your newfound powers apparently took a lot more energy than you’d assumed. You really needed to sleep.

Your grip on his ribs loosened as you tried to take a step backwards. Your legs failed beneath you, but Azriel, always as fast as a falcon, stopped your fall and held you up against his chest. You gazed up as his hazel eyes, lingering on his perfect skin and his soft lips for a second. A few curled strands were separated from the rest, and you softly passed your fingers through his hair, unsuccessful in your attempt to tame them. His stare was warm, and he gave you a small smile, not commenting on your unashamed appreciation of his features. You could’ve kept watching him for hours.

“I think I might need to rest a few minutes before we talk more.”

“You’ll be lucky if you’re awake within that day.”, Azriel sighed. He lifted you softly onto the bed, as if to lay you down and leave. You didn’t let him go.

“Stay. Please.”, you croaked, looking up at him. His hair was still all over the place, his frame highlighted by the sweater he wore. He looked beautiful, exhausted as he may be. The sun created a halo of light around him. An angel, you thought.

 He sat down on the bed, keeping you close as you grabbed his shoulders to pull yourself up to lay against his chest, your face buried in his neck, breathing in the smell of cedar and mist that always surrounded him. He chuckled at your tight grip.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, Dove. Take the time you need.”

You fell asleep to the sound of his breath and to the rhythm of his heart, drumming slowly alongside yours.

Banner created by the amazing @saradika!

Taglist: @sapphenaa

[reginrokkr]

𝐂𝐋𝐗𝐈. Following the series of AQs in which Dain participates, this post will conclude with Caribert before the next quest comes in a few months.

✧ I remember talking vaguely about this detail, but just as it'll happen later in a different thing, it's hard to believe that Dain doesn't have some manner of sentience even if in a subconscious level that he has no explanation for. This case being that, among the first things he does upon arriving to the place he remembers vaguely that something happened, he outright inspects the small field where Chlothar used to grow the mushrooms he needed for the potion. And in the present, that same place is where his own corpse and his lover's were buried.

✦ ◜My memories are quite foggy, but my subconscious and instincts both assert that something once happened here.◞

As I was saying— joke's on me I completely forgot about this, so I really was on to something. That aside, I think this opens many doors for him in terms of sentience of things that... not even he experienced. As what Aether witnesses after his sleep was Lumine's memories while Dain was doing something else elsewhere, while still somehow nearby. It does make me wonder if his soul, perhaps untainted by the curse and the corruption (ironically I already portrayed him like this, but seeing more solid things in canon that to some extent make it plausible overjoys me), has somehow an omniscience by itself or it's being pushed towards that direction by something else. A possibility for this would be Irminsul answering directly to Dain's concerns / thoughts and beckoning him in that direction so he discovers it by himself. Whichever the case may be, both are highly interesting and which I already implemented in my portrayal in what concerns his sentience. Overall, it's quite interesting that he insists that something happened in the house even though he didn't experience said something himself.

✧ In view of what we learn about Chlothar's waning body as a result of the curse, I find Paimon's comments about Dain's great senses (smell and hearing) despite his age (in addition to being in a great physical-shape too and be able to pull those moves in a more hostile environment down to being able to press on even when handling great pain that is immobilizing) to be like little crumbs to be alert about Dain's difference when compared to someone dealing with the same curse as him, yet having declined significantly more in just about a hundred years in comparison to the five hundred years Dain lived so far. This is a detail I didn't realize myself back when the AQ was released.

✦ This is a small crumb compared with the huge lore bombs this AQ brought, but I adore how compassionate and mindful Dain is when seeing Lumine crying when she woke up and that he'd decide to let her alone to recompose herself in case she'd feel ashamed if he were to stay instead. Combined the fact that he's the kind of watching over his traveling partner's sleep while he stays wide awake. Now, following the line of Dain's sentience— the direction he takes to continue his investigation is none other than the way Caribert takes by the end of the quest before the scene of the cliff and Lumine passing out.

✧ ◜As far as I'm concerned, humans who do not worship The Seven are nigh extinct... and all who place faith in the gods are my enemies.◞

Considering how little it must've been since the cataclysm broke out, it's very curious how very few Khaenri'ahns made it to Chlothar's days before he encountered the Sinner and quite saddening to think about, how many of them might've turned into monsters of the Abyss, started to have some extent of belief in them even if it's just to be forgiven due to the horrible curse cast upon them or potentially passed away by even worse means, specially if we remember how scared people were of even going past the gates to Sumeru's underground due to the amount of monsters they must've encountered on their way.

✦ ◜It's said that this medicine is imbued with the power of Sumeru's God of Wisdom, and can awaken the mind from a state of deep stupor... It has been used in the past to treat cases of mania. [...] I read it in a book from the Royal Library of Khaenri'ah. It was banned, since this medicine requires the power of The Seven to work. [...] I was leafing through some forbidden texts and happened upon it.◞

Another point worth mentioning, seeing how Khaenri'ah had knowledge of the gods and banned said knowledge from the general public. Chances are that there were two separate libraries and that the Royal Library was of limited access or had a restricted place that at the very least the nobles knew of its existence.

✧ ◜The gods of this world have never stood with humanity... Not even for a moment!◞

I don't have much to comment about this myself as there might be information in the future to shed light upon this, but I think it deserves its recognition for now to keep in mind in the future in case it isn't just some widely-spread belief in Khaenri'ah about the gods and that the founders really discovered something about the gods that made them think this, and that it actually has some weight to it.

✦ ◜There is a waterfall near the statue I prayed at. I need you to collect some water from there around two in the afternoon.◞

Following the line of thought from earlier about the banner knowledge, this detail about that potion is too specific to ignore and a good reason to wonder how far and wide Khaenri'ah's knowledge about the other nations extended. There is no doubt that those who came from other nations also contributed with this net of wisdom, but it's worth remembering that some Khaenri'ahns were also acting as spies both in Enkanomiya and Sumeru. It wouldn't be far-fetched to think that they did this in other nations too.

✧ ◜Halt, humans. Fate has not granted you the right to enter this place... [...] Very well. Then I grant you the trial of destiny.◞

Not much to say about this, except that I have a feeling that it'll become more relevant in the future too. The quest's name while in the sanctuary where the Fortune Lector is found is "A lamenter at fate's end" and the subtitle of this abyssal being is "secret keeper of fate's end". Not to mention that what it was guarding was... the final place where Lumine and Chlothar encounter the Sinner. Furthermore, based on the CN wording and the Caribert AQ description in CN too point towards the Sinner being the same "self-proclaimed prophet / someone who understands fate well" that narrates Dain's description. So there are high chances that the Sinner and Caribert becoming the Loom of Fate are closely related, and most likely than not the Sinner is the one who did something about Caribert's sanity.

✦ Chlothar's suspicious fascination for the Fortune Lector might be a good example of how amazed part of the Khaenri'ah civilization was by the power of the Abyss, as despite how poisonous it is for every living being, he would describe it as a beautiful power. It speaks great volumes of how deep the obsessions were in those who had them.

✧ ◜...O, dear creature, why do you bow down? For fear of the unknown? Or for a power that you covet? O, dear creature, why do you bow down? For I am no God... I am but a "Sinner". You are like a flower born in sin yet pure, spotless... I know your fate well. You need no longer hold back your resentment, nor accept the countless lies. Go forth, become a transcendent one, rise beyond the fate bestowed upon you... And I shall shed a tear at the end of time... as I gaze back upon your life.◞

For some reason, I have the feeling that these words were meant for Chlothar as besides the hilichurls, he was the only one bowing down and not Lumine. And that the male realized that she also heard him and that's where he stayed silent. The reason why this wouldn't apply to the hilichurls too is because the word choice for addressing to someone in singular. Which leads me to wonder if one of the requirements of being a pure-blood Khaenri'ahn like Chlothar is to "be like a flower born in sin yet pure, spotless". This reminds me heavily of the inteyvats given that against all odds, they would still bloom in conditions that are incompatible with life. It's also highly curious that it is possible to be above a fate that's been bestowed and that Chlothar might've been able to make it, which would explain why in the end his corpse could be found buried in the field.

✦ Seeing that abyssal energy coming from behind Caribert's mask fills me with intrigue, and it reminds me of how well-tied the AQs Dain is involved in are. We don't even need to go too far and just think about Requiem of the Echoing Depths and when the matter of hilichurls not taking off their masks so they won't see what they turned into from being humans was addressed, and the follow-up this had in Caribert now. Maybe Caribert is a special case himself due to the Sinner resonating with Chlothar for reasons unknown, or maybe it's something that could happen to other hilichurls as well, I'm unsure. It would be great to learn more about this one day and I'm positive we will in following AQs where Dain comes back.

✧ ◜I never imagined that you, of all people, would deny the Abyss... How ridiculous! We once believed that you would bring new strength and hope to Khaenri'ah. To us, you were the Abyss... A wondrous mystery far beyond our imagination and comprehension... And the one who controls the Abyss can control everything! We yearned for that future. We looked to you to take us there. But what did you bring us instead? O Princess... of Khaenri'ah?◞

This here is a heavy point of irony and re-reading Chlothar's words reminds me once again of Dain's claim of hypocrisy. How Khaenri'ah went from denying the gods to worship someone else like they were one, all because of the devotion they held for the Abyss. It's also intriguing the thought that things weren't going well in Khaenri'ah by the time Lumine arrived, probably tied with the fall of King Irmin and perhaps due to more factors that we don't know about yet.

✦ Lastly, it's interesting the thought that Dain does have his own suspicions about the identity of the Sinner and that there are high chances that he knows that the Sinner is a "he" even though he didn't hear his voice and that Aether might have not said that it sounded like a male voice either. Also the fact that despite being a memory and that somehow Aether was able to see what Lumine went through in those brief days, that the Sinner knows about him through this alone.

[qnewsau]

When am I free to be 'me' playing sport?

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/when-am-i-free-to-be-me-playing-sport/

When am I free to be 'me' playing sport?

Kade Matthews from Proud2Play explains why sport is still a barrier for many LGBTQIA+ people.

At the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games, the whole country cheered as the Australian sports icon won gold in the 400 metres.

The moment was recently declared Australia’s top sporting moment. It united the nation, showing sport’s power to bring us together.

While we have queer Olympians and Paralympians who’ve made significant contributions to sport, breaking barriers and setting examples, many in our community have had their experiences in sport tainted by abuse, discrimination, and exclusion.

Sadly, many of us feel sport “isn’t for us”. We continue to face immense challenges in fully accessing the unifying and empowering potential of sport.

We need to view sport as a fundamental human right, particularly for LGBTQIA+ youth who are disproportionately dropping out of team sport.

Data doesn’t lie

Australia’s first study on LGBTQIA+ youth participation in sports, Free to Exist, tells us that 53% of LGBTQIA+ young people have witnessed discrimination in sports.

And 40% of LGBTQIA+ young people have directly experienced it.

These alarming statistics show that despite improvements, there’s still a long way to go. Sport is more than just games and competitions. It’s a cornerstone of health, well-being, and community.

88% of Australians believe sport can unite communities, according to Clearinghouse for Sport reasearch. Even more, 97%, see it as beneficial for health and wellbeing.

However, LGBTQIA+ people often face barriers that prevent them from participating, leading to significant personal and communal loss.

Sport is essential for creating change in the lives of LGBTQIA+ people. The importance of sport and physical education is officially recognised by the United Nations.

When young queer individuals leave team sports because they feel excluded, they miss out on the many benefits sport provides, including better physical health, mental resilience, and social connections.

How can we change things?

Free to Exist highlights that only 37% of LGBTQIA+ youth currently play social sport, and a mere 33% play competitive sport. This is a significant drop from pre-pandemic levels.

The Sport for Development model leverages sport to achieve social goals, using its appeal to foster community engagement, promote wellbeing, and drive social change.

Despite the benefits, Australia lacks any Sport for Development programs focused on the LGBTQIA+ community.

We need support from the government, the sports sector, health and community organizations, and individuals to adopt a human rights-first approach. The Sport for Development model aligns with international best practices.

Sport needs to serve the needs of our community, and we must call for it to do so. Sport is a right that everyone deserves, and it has the power to change lives.

By recognising and fighting for sport as a human right, we can break down barriers, reduce social isolation, and promote healthier, more inclusive communities.

Let’s work together to ensure that sport remains a universal language of respect, understanding, and advocacy for all individuals, especially those within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Whether team sports, gyms, recreation groups, or something else, everyone deserves a space to be themselves when playing sports.

Want to step back into sport? Check out Proud2Play’s directory for a space that welcomes you to come and play.

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

also i think this ties in to the "consumption as activism" mindset. like, i saw some posts about the global strike and encouraging people not to post regular stuff on social media, but only about palestine, because this would "force people to consume content about the issue"

this bothered me for a bunch of reasons that i'm only slowly untangling and beginning to articulate:

i don't think graphic images of real world violence should be reduced to "content"

i don't need to see graphic images of real world violence to think that that violence is bad, actually

seeing those videos is not going to make me care more than i already do

in fact being "forced" to "consume" this content is going to be triggering and upsetting to the point where i will withdraw from current events entirely and therefore be less informed and unable to participate in action. this is counter productive

passively "consuming content" in the form of watching videos of people being hurt or killed, to the point where you yourself are experiencing vicarious trauma, DOES NOTHING TO FIX ANYTHING. it is not activism. it is half-arsed penance to soothe your own guilt and convince yourself you care the mostest and are definitely angry about this

(you can care and be angry without directing nightmare fuel into your eyeballs at all times actually)

what does this achieve. really and truly.

and i get that people feel they have a responsibility to share "the truth", especially when the mainstream media is often eliding the details. but there is a difference between documenting war crimes, and forcing everybody you know to witness those war crimes with zero warning every time they open instagram to check whether their school friend had their baby yet. like, come on.

as someone else said in the tags, you only have to look at moderators on fb etc to know that constantly watching videos of violent shit is actively traumatising, and frankly i don't think increasing the number of people who have ptsd is a good thing, and i don't think it supports those being directly traumatised by the events themselves, and i don't think it's the activist gotcha that some of these people seem to think it is

i do think there is a degree to which certain kinds of Instagram activists have convinced themselves that traumatising themselves in solidarity is a useful form of activism. "I'm having nightmares and crying so much I want to be sick because of all these videos of dying children but I can't look away while people are getting hurt" I mean don't you think you'd be able to help more if you weren't having nightmares and crying all the time?? don't you think this is a one-way trip to burnout? don't you think maybe increasing the amount of trauma going around is counterproductive? I dunno bro there's something to be said for bearing witness but there comes a point where you gotta look hard at yourself and go "am I helping, or am I just making myself suffer so I don't feel guilty for not suffering while somebody else is experiencing bad shit"

[calismediadiary]

we're doomed - Media Blog Post #6

In the first 2 years of my college education, what I would consider one of the most useful pieces of information would be that when working within my career, I am not and am almost never what is considered the “target audience.” 

Specifically in regard to being a marketing major, you have to understand that you are not trying to make yourself understood but an outside audience that is not you. I believe this is something everyone needs to have drilled into them because in both our media landscape and everyday life there's a lack of knowing that you are not the center and there are many dialogues.  

TikTok humanizes and puts every creator at the center, when you scroll onto a video it is their “art” and online existence that you are witnessing in real time. And I think the trends that have emerged from TikTok show that these people are using their online existence as a means of survival.

Just last month, the trend to livestream you repeating the same five words over and over again was having people receive thousands of dollars within minutes. 

The crazy thing is everyone accepted it and began participating. 

This NPC streaming started off within TikToker PinkyDoll repeating the same words over and over again based on the gifts being sent. However, this essential went viral overnight and every day people and well known influencers were following suit. One of the most famous being the Miles Morales NPC where he repeats different catch phrases and even stays in character when questioned and eventually running from the cops. 

Which is why the ability to trend on tik tok is unreliable unless you are consistently trying every trend. 

Personally, an aspect of TikTok that I find really interesting is scrolling through livestreams. Outside of the bizarre NPC streams, there is no consistency or algorithm to livestreams. You can find one that has 5,000 people watching and the one directly below it is 5 people. 

As someone who is essentially justifying their media addiction under the major of marketing, I do think TikTok is dystopian. But not only that all social media is dystopian and it is insane to assume otherwise. 

Our society is undeniably suffering from the developments that we have had from social media. We constantly refer to the fact that Gen-Z is the loneliness generation, but also it's the generation that has free access and will (most likely in some capacity) continue to have this free access to social media for the rest of their life. We have not yet seen the long lasting effects of becoming people who are able to exist solely online. 

I wrote a research paper on just how affected younger generation are especially within depression, suicide, body dismorphia, and grooming. These are aspects I believe if you asked, without a doubt someone has seen a post, made a post, or even experienced it themselves. And it is insane that we now take this into the norm.

I don’t have a solution, and when considering how TikTok exists I can not explain how it operates, what its intentions are, and if there is a way to indicate if its a good or an evil. 

In a space where you can essentially reach a mass audience, project your thoughts onto a young and impressionable audience, and it keeps going around and around, even rhetoric that doesn’t seem harmful is especially when there are no age restrictions and lies are constantly constructed with the only intent of going viral. 

However, my biggest problem with TikTok hate is parents being able to use it as an excuse for bad parenting. While the fact that the site is far from being child safe is obvious. We are always looking at things that are corrupting children's minds whether it's the video games they consume or Dungeons and Dragons, but parents have still yet to find a way around it. 

People who don’t get access to media are ostracized from their peers because of how integrated media is within teenage culture, and it affects their ability to relate, but are they better off?

[magicalink]

NSFW Alphabet: Venti

Author notes: these aren't general headcanons, they refer to how Venti is in "Y/N's Marvelous Adventure", a smut various x f!reader fic I'm writing! Soon I will be posting chapters.

Warning: NSFW content ahead!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Likes more to receive than to give. He's a little attention and pampering leech. Loves to get cleaned by you with a warm bath and then get cuddled to sleep. But it doesn't mean he won't take care of you. If you are the one who is more tired he'll gladly be the one to cuddle you until the sun goes up with an iron grip.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his braids and hair because he personally chose them to resemble his beloved lost friend. Venti made his human body himself, and even though he could change it, he wants to stay loyal to it.

Regarding your body, he likes everything but especially your face and hands. Your candid smile and shining gaze illuminate his days and your soft hands are his favorite spot to kiss while courting you.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically…)

He is pretty immature about it. Likes to experiment and finds it funny like he was a fucking teenager. Would make it splatter everywhere if he didn't know you'd hang him if he gets your house dirty.

His cum is white, watery and luckily doesn’t smell bad or anything. Pretty surprising considering his messed-up diet consisting of liters and liters of alcohol. It must have to do with his godly powers to decide everything about his own body. Lucky bastard. He is even able to decide if he’s fertile or not, so you let him cum directly inside of you. Pretty convenient, given that condoms don’t exist in Monstadt. Besides, you like it because it’s warm and you both find it a very bonding activity.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not so secretly wants everyone to know about what's going on between the two of you. And also would like to be seen having sex with you outdoors.

Has participated in orgies centuries ago. Don't ask Zhongli about it. I repeat, do not!

But his deepest secret is, probably, –hasn't told anyone about it–that he's had sex in exchange for alcohol in the past. And it was a terrible, traumatic experience.

Wow, those were a lot of dirty secrets!

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

You had your first time with him. You haven't really asked him about his past sex life but you assume it's quite prolific since he lived for thousands of years. Also because he seems to be an expert at everything and is quick to do multiple things that you might consider hardcore…

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

And you're right. He's tried pretty much any sexual practice both known and unknown out there. And has done it with both humans and gods. All kinds of weird and extreme things. But wanna hear yet another little secret? It doesn't matter how inexperienced you are, doing it with you has been by far his favorite experience! ♡

And although he is very teasing, he doesn’t want to scare you away.

Cowgirl by far. Wants to be ridden hard by you forever. He absolutely loves to see you on top of him, being able to contemplate your whole body, the shape of your figure, your boobs bouncing up and down, witnessing the expressions of your beautiful face. He adores how brightly your eyes spark when you tell him that you love him. Having you making a big effort to grind onto him delights him and makes him feel desired. Also, it's a position in which you can best control the speed and depth of the penetration, which is useful given his annoyingly big dick, and that none of you want it to make you feel pain.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

The little rascal is probably the most annoying thing on earth. Always teasing and joking and trying his best to make you feel flustered regardless of how many, many times you've done it together. Will always laugh, and it tends to be contagious. He knows exactly how to bother you and how to break the tension to make you feel comfortable again. He makes you crazy in such a special way, a bonding complicity is starting to build between you…

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Storytime regarding body hair: You got really uncomfortable the first time you saw him naked. His whole body was completely hairless and he looked like a kid! (except of course, for the unnecessarily big cock!) It made you so stressed you covered him all up and refused to keep going further. At first, he found this very funny. It was completely normal for Mondstatians to be all shaved in the old times when they didn’t have running water, the times when he had his agitated and libertine sexual life. But after understanding your human concerns about this, he comprehended it was serious and important for you. 

For the sake of getting to have sex for the first time with you, he altered his dear appearance for the first time in centuries! (All this to make you feel comfortable. He was really desperate to do it with you! The monster cock stays though) Now he has black hair with slight teal strands on his armpits and down there, it remains unaltered since it doesn't grow, it's just for the looks. It's neat and clean. Except when he gets wasted around the city and you have to pick him up from the streets to give him a hot bath. He has no happy trail.

About you know, head’s hair, it's probably the most beautiful thing in the world for you. It’s really soft, silky and shiny, he keeps it well combed and clean. He smells of cecilias. He loves taking baths with you to wash each other's hair and comb it and braid it afterward. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's a goofball but also very romantic. He always acts like a gentleman to court you, playing you songs, gifting you flowers and kissing your hand very often, like the princes from old Mondstatian fairytales. And at the moment of making love to you, he pours his soul into it. He loves you a lot and considers you family already. He always whispers sweet things in your ear and makes sure he expresses all of his feelings. He likes lots of caresses and kisses during sex.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Given that he isn't human, sexuality wasn't natural to him. It was something that he discovered when he turned into a human.

A long time ago, he had an agitated sexual life, full of crazy partners and exotic practices.

At some point, he got tired of it and didn't find it satisfactory anymore. So, he has been pretty disconnected from sexuality the past few centuries as it didn’t interest him anymore, but it suddenly reawoke when he started liking you and desiring you. 

Because of this, he didn't use to do it in the past but he does now, especially during your long trips and absences.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He definitely has a praise kink. He'll melt in your hands if you start telling him how much you love him and how awesome you think he is. He'll go all soft and teary and emotional and will cum really hard. 

He's a really big tease and likes to start and direct sexual encounters but he loves it when you take the lead and show him that you desire him too.

Gets really hard and moany if you pull his hair gently.

Loves to act like a needy kid all the time, requesting care of all sorts, sex situations aren't the exception. But if you ever called him daddy he would drool.

Body worshipping. Loves every single part of your body. Will caress and admire every muscle, mark and scar on your skin.

Being loud in general. Making noise shaking the bed, skin slapping against skin, moaning exaggeratedly, etc

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

His favorite place is in bed. In your bed, specifically. Despite having his own room in your Serenitea pot, he loves to assert his position as the husband of the house by getting to sleep in your room anytime he can. And he gets away with it most of the time by seducing you, either with cute things like serenading you to sleep or reading bedtime stories with you, or by crawling into your bed with puppy eyes that beg for love and sex. 

Loving sex in bed, looking at each other's eyes, laughing, and spending quality time together is his favorite way.

Still wants to have sex outdoors. At Windrise, particularly.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The game of courting gives him life. It drives him crazy when you play it with him and make him feel desired.

Would love it if you wore more and shorter skirts.

Seeing you wearing his shirts as pajamas gets him instantly hard.

Likes really long socks.

A bit of an exhibicionist.

Gently pull his braids to make him a moaning mess.

Loves making you feel flustered and seeing the blush on your face. Succeeding in this and getting in control gets him really riled up.

Loves being pampered and receiving all kinds of praises or attention. Being welcomed in your house, given food, a place to cuddle and to call home has given him life.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Probably the only things he wouldn't do would be anything regarding violence or pain of any sort. Doesn't like pain and would never hurt you in any way. Outside of that, he is willing to try pretty much anything.

Also, will never have sex while drunk because he's afraid of losing control and hurting you with his godly powers.

Has learnt from his previous mistakes and would never trade sex for alcohol again.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He doesn't really have a preference, likes giving and receiving equally. You recently decided to try and receive some from him and discovered he is very good at it, just as much as he is at any other sexual technique. He has a tiny sloppy mouth and his tongue proves to be as skilled at licking as it is at singing and rhyming. Yes, it's as agile as his wit.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He is a sex machine and has both modes. It depends on the situation. If it's one of those intimate and romantic moments he'll be slow and intense, burning low heat until you come on him and both of your hearts throb, overloaded by love.

If it's one of those heated and wild encounters then he can thrust as fast and hard as you can handle. He is very careful, tough. He has a ridiculous amount of strength that 's always been hidden, and even though he knows you are strong, he is afraid of going overboard because of his crazy love and end up hurting you. That's why he is always very mindful while having sex and would never do it while drunk.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Always down for it, really. Anytime, anywhere. With you, any moment can be turned into the perfect one for a memorable experience.

Wants you to ask him for it outdoors, in nature, preferably at Windrise.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Given that he is a supernatural being who has complete control over his physical form, he can choose if he wants to be fertile or not. Thus, there is no risk of getting you pregnant. Unless you wanted, of course…👀

Also he is immune to STDs and can't transmit them either. The perfect sexual partner, huh?

Regarding being catched in public, he wouldn't mind it really, and feels that the adrenaline of trying not to be catched makes it really fun.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He has this ridiculous amount of energy and strength he never uses, so he could last as many rounds as you asked him, it depends on you. But most of the time you both get really sleepy and cuddly so you end up in bed after cumming once. But if you were really horny and begged him to keep going, he could fuck you forever. Literally.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He is down pretty much for everything and wouldn't mind using them, but it isn't really popular around Mondstadt so he doesn't own any. If you got one he would use it on you or him, no problem. He would be very enthusiastic if you offered him to stimulate his male g spot too!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He lives to tease, really. Whether it's sexually or not, anything that comes out of his mouth is teasing. Also he loves saying provocative stuff just to make you flustered and saying double meaning things (that he knows they won't understand) in front of the kids just to exasperate you. He's always looking at you mischievously and has a malicious smile that threatens to say inappropriate stuff that will embarrass the shit out of you 24/7. 

During sex, he is pretty fair. He loves teasing you by insinuating himself to you and showing you his many beauties in order to make you desire him. He loves to see you thirsty for him but will always comply after making you desire him for a reasonable amount of time.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Little brat is a shameless moaning machine. If there's a risk of someone hearing, you have to cover his mouth with a hand or stifle him with a kiss in order to keep him down.

He moans and whines as loud as he can. If he could, he would make the whole world know how much he is enjoying being with you. You love knowing that he likes it, but sometimes you wonder if he's exaggerating because of his weird expressions. At this point you are used to his nature of savoring everything thoroughly and you like this about him.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Openly bisexual. Fortunately that's completely normal and accepted in the city of Freedom!

Is down for threesomes either with another man or woman if you ask him.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He has a very delicate figure and a pale and soft, perfect skin. Compared to most fighters you know, he is not muscular at all. Makes sense since his strength doesn't come from muscles. He is indeed very slim.

About Venti's pants' content: (What everyone both in the real and Genshin world wants to know)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

After a meticulous study of human culture, he decided it would be very funny to give a little brat like himself a damn big dick. You honestly find this cringy, but what about him isn't? You love him the way he is. I know people are obsessed with sizes so I'm gonna tell you it's 23 cm when fully hard. Yes, you had to initiate your sex life on hard mode 🤭

Just as his power, it's an enormous flame you ignited inside of him but he keeps it under control. He is really in love with you and loves spending time with you, doesnt matter if theres sex or not.

Despite being separated, you are always in his mind and sees you in everything beautiful that he sees. He always thinks of you when playing music.

When he can't contain his thirst for you any longer he'll come crawling to your bed and do his best to turn you on so you appease him. He is clingy and when wants pampering or sex he doesn't hesitate to pull the sad puppy dog eyes out in order to get what he wants. And he always gets away with it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

If it's in bed, he'll fall asleep instantly after you decide who's gonna be the big and small spoon. He loves finishing the day with intense loving sex and fall asleep cuddling.

He is the cutest and sweetest thing while sleeping, all dressed up in the cute pajamas you sewed for him. He sleeps soundly with the biggest smile on his face. Even his soft snores are cute. He sometimes sleeps so relaxed and happy that he is with his mouth open and ends up drooling all over your shoulder and pillow. No doubt he's adorable, for you to tolerate this!

Waking up in a weird position and seeing you by his side is the thing that makes him the happiest in life.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Lin Beifong’s daughter and Korra having a crush on you

You entered President Raiko’s party late and hurried inside hoping to avoid your mother’s wrath by appearing as soon as possible. Being Lin Beifong’s daughter and employee meant she was twice as hard on you as anyone on the force, so she would not take your tardiness well. You were waved into the building by guards who recognised you on sight and rushed into the ballroom. You saw the party was already in full swing and braced yourself for all the fake smiling you’d have to endure when a young woman appeared across from you. “Avatar Korra” you nodded in recognition of the girl who grinned at you. “Miss Beifong” she smiled in greeting “you look as beautiful as ever...you legs alone seem to go on for years in those trousers” she commented glancing at them and you blushed. “Funny I just had a similar thought about your biceps”. Korra beamed “ow you can’t really see them in this thing but I’d be happy to give you a closer look”.

You couldn’t resist a smile and your blush grew to have such a beautiful woman flirt so blatantly with you. Korra was always like this around you and you enjoyed it greatly even if it wasn’t professional. Korra was a breath of fresh air in Republic City and you enjoyed her confidence and humour. You liked the avatar a lot but you had no intentions of pursuing anything beyond flirting with her. For one thing she was young, cocky, beautiful and THE avatar. You supposed she had hundreds of boys and girls queueing up for her and didn’t want to just be another name on her list. You’d heard about how the previous water tribe avatar had been a hit with women and apparently that was a trait Korra shared. She was the avatar, who wouldn’t be weak to her charm? Still you tried to behave so aimed to change the topic of conversation.

“I think we should join the party seeing as we’re both very late” you smiled slyly and Korra smirked “I didn’t think Beifongs were ever late. Are you really trying to tell me you’re not perfect?”. The girl was insatiable. “We all have our secrets” you replied and Korra’s grin only grew. “Mysterious, intelligent and beautiful...you have to let me lead you into the party. As the Avatar it’s my duty to serve the people”. “Well who I am to get in the way of that” you smirked rolling your eyes as you took her outstretched arm. Korra led you into the party proudly and you enjoyed being on her arm. Still you were in work mode, so you only stayed by Korra’s side for an appropriate amount of time before excusing yourself so nobody would get the wrong idea. Korra never failed to make you smile or blush but you wouldn’t let it progress no matter how much fun it would be. So you allowed the flirting and lingering glances but stopped it from going any further.

You saw Korra pretty regularly as she was always in trouble with the law in some way or another and not a month after the party President Raiko banned her from Republic City. It was something he’d likely take back pretty soon but still she had to leave so you and your mother went to help her however you could. The avatar didn’t seem too bothered by the President’s command and still had that cocky smile on her face. She let you into Tenzin’s home and explained how she was leaving tomorrow to go look for air benders anyway. She read out the names of some known airbenders in the earth kingdom and you paused as one was familiar.  “Wait did you say Opal? Is she from Zafou by any chance?” you asked and Korra nodded “yeah why?”. Your mother tried to silence you but you didn’t notice, too excited. “She’s my cousin!” you burst “This is so great, i’m so proud of her”. “Wait so Suyin is your sister?” Korra asked Lin and your mother nodded “yes. Which is something I wished to remain a secret but clearly that is not an option anymore” she said shooting you a look. “Well this is great news” Korra smiled “you have to come with me!”. “What!” your mother cried and Korra sighed “if she’s your niece then you can help us recruit her! We need all the help we can get”. “No way!” Lin cried “I am not seeing my sister ever again if I can help it, y/n can go if you want a Beifong so badly”. Korra looked at you and smiled “that does sound appealing, what do you say y/n? Want to come on a field trip with me?”. Korra held out her hand to you and you blushed, hoping your mother didn’t notice. You knew you probably shouldn’t go. Being in close quarters with Korra would certainly challenge your restraint but you hadn’t seen your extended family in so long and this was the perfect opportunity to go visit. Plus Korra looked so good when she smiled at you like that. “Sure” you said taking her hand “someone has to keep you out of trouble”.

You met Korra and her friends at Future Industries the next day and were soon flying to Zafou. Korra came to stand beside you on the deck and leant forwards flexing her arms right in front of you. “I’m glad you agreed to come” Korra smiled and you nodded “me too, it’s been forever since I’ve got out of Republic City”. Korra’s eye glinted “does this mean I’m going to witness holiday y/n? It’d be fun to see you let your hair down and go wild”. “If you’re lucky maybe you will” you smirked and Korra nodded “i’m looking forward to it” and winked before leaving you alone once more. You stared after her as she walked away and Korra must’ve felt your eye on her because before she disappeared back into the ship she turned and caught you red-handed watching her. She smiled widely a chuckle slipping from her lips and you turned around sharply, blushing vividly. Agreeing to this trip may not have been a smart decision at all.

When you touched down in Zafou Korra had you right beside her in pride of place. You recognised your aunt immediately and she addressed Korra first before she spotted you beside her and she did a double-take. “Y/n?” she asked and you grinned “Aunt Suyin!” and rushed forwards to hug her. Your aunt wrapped you in a hug and then quickly tugged you to go find your cousins, momentarily forgetting the avatar was here. She summoned all your cousins and they rushed to greet you...well some did. Bataar junior didn’t look impressed and Huan just glanced at you not particularly bothered but the twins and Opal were very welcoming. “It’s so good to see you again!” Opal cried and you nodded taking her hand “it is! It’s been far too long and I can’t believe you’re an airbender now!”. Opal nodded “trust me it was a shock to us all but i’m so excited to learn airbending”. “Well Korra can definitely help you with that” you said gesturing to the avatar who nodded confidently “of course, anything for y/n’s cousin” and you blushed slightly but managed to hide it.

You enjoyed your time with your family greatly and got along well with all your cousins. You participated in Wei and Wing’s power disk game and being a good metal bender yourself almost won the match. You noticed Korra watching you and briefly tried showing off before getting wiped out. The twins noticed Korra watching and invited her to join but she declined explaining she couldn’t metal bend. Your cousins rushed to assure her she could learn and volunteered to teach her. Korra seemed very excited at the idea and agreed before she turned to you “wait a minute y/n why did you never offer to teach me?”. You could tell she was only feigning annoyance so you shrugged “what can you blame me for wanting something over the almighty avatar?”. That stroked Korra’s ego and she smiled lazily “no but I’ll certainly get my own back in some way”. “Ow really? How”? you challenged her and the girl just shrugged. “I’m not sure yet, but be on your best behaviour Beifong” she smirked before rushing away.

Korra went off to train with your cousins and you were relieved hoping this would be a time for you to cool down and recover but no. Opal caught you and invited you to catch up with her in the gardens. You of course obliged your cousin but found yourself seated directly in view of Korra’s training with your cousins. You tried focusing on Opal but your eyes kept getting pulled to the avatar as she picked up metal bending remarkedly quickly. You noticed Korra had spotted you and she appeared to be putting on a show, trying valiantly to challenge your cousin entirely for your benefit. It was a clever strategy and soon Opal trailed off just letting you admire Korra. Your cousins were experiencing first-hand just how skilled the avatar could be and you saw them breaking out in a sweat with how hard Korra was pushing them.  

After a while they began trying to score past one another and Korra got an idea. She *accidentally* bent a disk near you and your cousin Wei teased her for being sloppy. She just shot them a lopsided grin and jogged over to you. “Ladies” she smiled looking straight at you “i’m sorry I didn’t see you there”. “Ow really?” you asked and Korra grinned “yeah I had no idea you were here whatsoever...which is odd considering how every eye is drawn to you whenever you’re nearby”. You blushed going red and Korra’s smile grew “I’ll leave you to your chat. Opal, Y/n” she nodded at you both in turn but winked when she met your gaze. You watched her run back to your cousins and found Opal staring at you. She immediately pushed you squealing “you didn’t tell me you were dating the avatar!”. “I’m not and keep your voice down please” you begged seeing the smug look on Korra’s face which told you she’d noticed Opal’s reaction. “But she was very openly flirting with you” Opal retorted and you nodded “I know we do that a lot but it’s just our friendship. I’d never let it go further because she’s the avatar! She’s not after a relationship she just wants a fun fling and I can’t give her that. Trust me the avatar will get bored of me and move on soon enough”. “Ow yeah?” Opal asked looking to where Korra was still putting on a show for you. Korra scored a point and shot you a smile. You blushed vividly and Opal laughed “I don’t think she’s not going cold on you any time soon”.

At the end of the week your Aunt Suyin threw a party to celebrate Opal’s progress and avatar’s arrival. It was magnificent and you hadn’t seen this much earth kingdom food in...well forever! You made sure Korra and the others were all okay and socialised with your cousins greatly enjoying being with your family. Bataar jnr told you about his machines, his girlfriend Kuvira traded military expertise with you, Wei and Wing quizzed you about all the pro-bending in Republic City, you teased Opal about her crush on Bolin and even Huan showed you some of his paintings. You were absolutely thrilled your family still felt like a family after all this time and hadn’t been this happy in a long time. However all that excitement can be draining. Towards the end of the night you began to grow tired so went outside for some fresh air and quiet. You were relaxing in the picturesque moonlight when you were disturbed. “Well your aunt certainly knows how to put on a spread” someone called and you jumped to find Avatar Korra making her way over to you on the abandoned balcony. She was wearing a beautiful blue dress and her eyes shone in the dark light. “She does” you smiled “never let it be said Beifong’s don’t know how to put on an event”. “That’s for sure” Korra agreed coming to sit right beside you. “The city is so beautiful” she commented before she turned “as are you”. “Thanks” you blushed “you look very beautiful too”. “There’s no way I can compete with you in that outfit” Korra smiled “Beifong’s apparently always look stunning as well as being great hostesses”. “Have you been checking out my aunt then?” you replied and Korra laughed “of course not, I only have eyes for you”. “Sureeee” you laughed but Korra nodded “I do I promise! You’re all I think about and why wouldn’t I? You’re the most interesting girl I’ve ever met. I’m crazy about you”. You blushed under Korra’s intense gaze but didn’t look away. “I....I don’t know what to say” you finally spoke up and Korra shrugged “well then how about we don’t bother talking anymore?”. Time seemed to freeze and you viewed the present in slow motion as Korra cupped your cheek gently and leant forwards. You liked the way her hands felt on you and instinctively leant into her before your brain caught up with the situation. “Wait! Korra I can’t” you said your heart hammering in your chest and the avatar frowned inches away from you. “You can’t? why? Do you not find me attractive?” Korra asked. “No of course I find you very attractive, i’ve never seen a human being I find more attractive than you” you admitted very flustered. “Then what’s the problem?” Korra asked and you sighed “the problem is I don’t just want to hook up with you a few times and be done with it. I know some people like that kind of thing and i’m sure as the avatar it is the perfect option but I’m not like that. Casual one night stands just aren’t my thing so I’m sorry I have to decline. Please don’t ask me again” and you rushed away. Korra called after you but you clearly wanted to be left alone so she didn’t follow you. She hung her head in her hands at how messed up things had gotten.

When Korra had allowed herself to wallow for a bit she came back inside to find the party over. She made her way to her shared room and found Asami waiting. “Korra where have you been we were all worried sick and...” Asami started when she caught sight of Korra’s expression and stopped abruptly.  “What’s wrong?” Asami asked and Korra sighed “you gave me terrible advice that’s what!”. Korra explained the situation more and Asami felt awful. Being more experienced with relationships Korra had come to Asami for advice on how to approach her feelings for you and it hadn’t worked well. Given Korra’s past approach of blurting out her love for people without a second thought, Asami advised Korra to try a different approach with you but she hadn’t meant it so literally. Instead of being serious or passionate Korra had been entirely flirty and forward with you. No substance just fun. So you’d wrongly gotten the idea all Korra wanted was a fun fling when she actually was madly infatuated with you and wanted far more long term things with you. Asami wasn’t sure what she could do but seeing Korra so distraught she knew she had to try and help her friend.

So Asami made her way to your room hoping you wouldn’t mind such a late-night visit. Asami knocked on your door and heard movement inside. There was a pause before she heard you call “who is it?” nervously. “It’s Asami” she called back “I need to speak to you”. The door opened slowly and Asami saw you looked upset. “Did Korra send you”? you asked quietly “because she didn’t do anything wrong I just need some space”. “No she didn’t send me but I am here because of her, I need to confess something”. Your eyes widened in confusion but you nodded and let Asami into your room. The minute you turned to face her Asami burst “It’s my fault! Korra came to me when she realised she liked you and asked me for advice. She was terrified of messing this up and doing what she did with Mako...with him she’d blurted out a lot of intense things right away and so I told her to do the opposite. I suggested she just toned down the seriousness and had fun with you. Flirt a little and try and gauge how you were feeling before she confessed her whole heart to you. But it seems she took my advice too much and now you don’t think her intentions are good at all which is not the case! Korra very much likes you for more than just your appearance and she has for a while”. You stared at Asami at an apparent loss for words “so Korra was...what acting?”. Asami shrugged “kind of, she was putting on this cocky flirty front when she’s actually a lot more emotional and sweet...she didn’t mean to come across so forward she was just following my advice which backfired horribly. I’m so sorry it upset you I promise that was not her intention at all. If you want to blame anyone blame me”. You assured Asami you weren’t upset with her and spent the next half hour understanding how the situation had gone so wrong. You were very excited by the end of it and couldn’t wait till morning to speak with Korra. Asami told you she was in their room and wouldn’t mind you disturbing her so late.

So you rushed to Korra’s shared room and knocked on the door lightly. Your stomach was bubbling with butterflies and you weren’t sure what you were going to say when you saw her. The door didn’t open so you knocked louder hoping Korra wasn’t asleep. Still there was no sound from inside so you frowned and decided she must be asleep. You didn’t want to wake her so started to retreat from the room when you heard a loud thud from inside. “Korra?” you called through the door “are you okay?”. You got no reply and were growing more and more concerned when you heard something smash inside followed by a grunt of pain. “Korra?” you yelled through the door and began bending the metal of the lock. The door swung open and you saw the room was an utter mess. Naga was unconscious on the floor and by the window...four people had a struggling Korra in their arms. She looked very weak and wasn’t putting up much of a fight so you figured she must’ve been drugged. “Korra!” you cried rushing into the room. You had no idea who these people were but you weren’t letting them take Korra. You launched into a flurry of attacks and managed to land a few hits on the earth and water bender. The air bender sent a gust which knocked you back but you were quick on your feet and pursued them leaping out of the window. You yelled as you chased them quickly attracting the attention of the guards who sounded the alarm. Suyin appeared as did her guard Kuvira and they helped cut the quartet off. “You have nowhere left to go, let her go” you glared and the leader just smiled “never”. You looked at Korra lying limp at their feet and felt rage take you. “Then i’ll drag her from you myself” and ran at him.

3 hours later

You were sat in the infirmary beside an unconscious Korra waiting for the effect of the drug to wear off. Everyone else had gradually retreated to bed but you couldn’t sleep. The adrenaline from the fight was still pulsing through your veins and was only overshadowed by your worry for Korra. You’d won the fight with the help of Suyin, her guards and Korra’s friends but still the drug they’d used hadn’t worn off. Your eyes fell to her for what felt like the hundredth time and you sighed “please wake up”. Finally Korra listened. With a loud gasp Korra jolted awake and you scrambled to your feet. “Korra breath! You’re okay, you’re safe just breathe!” you commanded and Korra slowly began to calm down. “Y/n? What happened?”. “The White Lotus, I didn’t realise it was them at first but i’ve been briefed on them. They tried to kidnap you when you were a kid and they tried again tonight”. You saw Korra shiver at that and frowned. “But never mind them” you sighed wrapping an extra blanket around her shoulders “how are you feeling?”. Korra frowned “okay...a bit groggy like i’ve come out of a really heavy sleep but it’s not too bad. It’s getting better. How are you?” she asked and you froze “me?”. “Yeah” Korra said offering you a small smile “you don’t look like you’ve slept a wink”. You chuckled softly “I haven’t. I wanted to see you wake up first and make sure you were okay. I haven’t been able to rest since it happened...I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw them with you I was so angry but you’re okay now and that’s all that matters". Korra smiled at you "yeah I'm okay now...thanks to you". It wasn’t the usual cocky smirks she sent you. Instead it was a sweet tired smile but it made your heart hammer in your chest just as much. "Do you remember much?" you asked and she shook her head. "No I remember something hitting Naga. I went to look at it when one hit me too. I backed away from the window as the world began to spin and then everything went blurry...the next thing I remember was seeing you in my doorway. You attacked whoever had me and I fell. I remember being unable to move and seeing you send rocks flying through the air. You were terrifying" she laughed "a woman possessed". "Of course I was they were going to take you! I know I might have sent mixed messages last night but I like you Korra. I was coming to tell you that. Asami explained to me what happened and why you behave as you do around me". Korra blushed at that "what were you coming to say to me?". "Well I was coming to ask if it was true, did you really put on a mask around me, acting all confident and promiscuous?". Korra nodded "yeah...I meant everything I said to you I wasn’t lying about my attraction but I was doing the opposite of what I'd usually do because my last relationship didn’t work out well. I came on too intense too quick so I tried to take a more fun carefree approach but that didn’t work. I'm sorry I offended you or made you think I was only interested in you for one thing. I do think you’re gorgeous but that's just one of many things I like about you and by no means the most important". Korra blushed looking down and you found her adorable. How had she hidden this side of her so well? "So is this, you know, the real you?" you asked double-checking. Korra nodded "yep, this is me. I'm emotional, reckless and I always say the wrong thing. I have no tact and just say what I'm thinking. Now you can probably see why I was trying to act so put together and impressive before. They're much more attractive qualities". "Maybe" you shrugged "but I think this side of you is just as attractive, more so actually because it's real and it's beautiful. You're wonderful Korra exactly as you are". Korra stared at you in shock and you just smiled at her. "I...I..." she babbled and you smirked "how about I kiss you to save you having to speak?". "Yes please" the avatar breathed and you gently placed a hand on her cheek and kissed her. The kiss was sweet and Korra seemed uncharacteristically shy. She pulled back blushing vividly and you smiled at her reaction "how was it?". "Good...amazing" she replied and you smiled "great". Korra looked up at you but blushed as soon as she met your eye and you smiled taking her hand softly "I like you Korra and that kiss was good for me too, if you’d like to make it a more frequent thing we could go out on a date sometime?". "I'd love that!" Korra agreed before wincing "too eager?". "No it was adorable like you" you smiled kissing her forehead "now it really is late. You should try and get some rest, something tells me the next few days are going to be very long and strenuous". Korra nodded "I agree, goodnight y/n". "Goodnight Korra" you smiled and closed her door softly. The avatar wasn’t a womaniser but a shy bashful passionate woman. You were pleasantly surprised and couldn’t wait to see all the different layers of her left to discover.

____

Korra is 100% one of those people that’s all talk but is actually a huge softie romantically. Asami is one lucky lady (althought she’s also amazing so Korra is lucky too).

Also why is there so little Korra content out there? Her and Huan Beifong are very under-represented in the fanfiction game and I am personally offended by that 😂

[chuplayswithfire]

one of the grey areas in mdzs that I don't think we discuss often is that lan xichen and meng yao are together responsible for a tremendous breach of trust and creation of trauma towards nie mingjue for which one of them (lxc) seems to be forgiven and the other (my/jgy) isnt, but like, even the fact that lxc was forgiven is truly a matter of how long lasting that friendship was.

lan xichen is one of nie mingjue's closest friends AND is working under nie mingjue during his capacity as the apparent general of the Sunshot Campaign and he never once discloses the identity of the spy he's getting his information from during the war proper, even when asked. this directly results in the fact that when nie mingjue is captured late in the war, forced to watch his men be murdered, taunted with his father's murder and with being murdered in the same grisly fashion as his father was, and beaten, he's enduring all of this without any idea of that he's supposed to have help in this room with him, that this is anything less than what it seems - pre-emptive torture by qishan's head torturer (because that seems to be meng yao's role, being the man who invented many of wen ruohan's favorite tools of torture)

lets acknowledge that all of those are traumatizing events that could absolutely create PTSD and would cause lasting trauma

only AFTER wen ruohan is dead and AFTER meng yao has done all of this is it revealed to nie mingjue that meng yao was a spy and its treated in both canon and fanon as a gotcha, as if nie mingjue should just not be angry anymore, not even an hour after experiencing all of this, because look! RETROACTIVELY you know this man wasn't going to kill YOU. you RETROACTIVELY know that you were not in real danger from the man who murdered your subordinates in front of you

this is, in my firm opinion, probably the worst things Lan Xichen ever did to Nie Mingjue, especially when the sole explanation for it all comes down to "i did not trust your professionalism as the general who is leading and coordinating our forces to be great enough that you would put the war first and over look that the spy sending us (seemingly*) reliable information is someone who personally betrayed you** and who you witnessed committing murder, but now that he's hurt and traumatized let me use that as a get (him) out of jail free card"

maybe there wasn't another choice in lxc's mind, but this is ultimately one of his huge grey areas pre-burial mounds, his participation in what is absolutely a huge betrayal, and the fact that mere hours to days later he asked nie mingjue to swear brotherhood to him and meng yao is truly something i think we as fandom should discuss more

3zun is complicated on all sides because there is some degree of tension and fucked-uppedness happening everywhere between them.

*= seemingly, because there is a justified reading of canon that nie mingjue's capture was a deliberate ambush facilitated by meng yao and lan xichen, in that information from meng yao delivered by lan xichen says that the area they're going to should be a soft target open for ambush and instead Wen Ruohan was waiting with extra forces, so. probably not a coincidence.

**= in the novel specifically, after beint caught in murder and asked to turn himself in, meng yao stabs himself in apparent suicide for honor. nie mingjue rushes to help him and transfers him spiritual energy and in that moment meng yao paralyzes him spiritually and stands up revealing he'd deliberately stabbed himself non-fatally, and runs away leaving nie mingjue frozen in a recent battlefield. in cql the betrayal is arguably much less personal than that

[cctinsleybaxter]

So one thing this made me realize is that completely separating the source material from the fandom is no easy feat. The showrunners are tuned into what the fandom writ large is discussing and popularizing; regularly interacting with fans on twitter/twitch and (for a while at least) checking the tumblr tag. Even if you’re somehow out of the loop and are only experiencing the podcast as a podcast they’ve addressed fan concerns directly, run Q&A episodes that add important paratext, contracted fans to design merch, ect.

But I like this question and I do want to talk about it just as a horror story rather than making a 20-page-google-doc-callout for all of the problems with the fanbase and creators. What it comes down to is that The Magnus Archives is indecisive about what genre it needs to be in order to tell the story it’s trying to. 

Here is a barebones synopsis of each season (spoilers for basic plot):

Series one- A man named Jon works as an archivist reading scary stories (witness statements) into a tape recorder. He snarkily doubts their veracity, and is otherwise only built up as a character through snippets of interaction with his coworkers and boss. It briefly changes format to more of a radio serial when a villain from one of the statements shows up for the finale, they beat the big bad, and there’s a hint of a ‘to be continued’ title card, but the bulk of the season is just his reading other people’s stories.

Series two- Jon no longer doubts the veracity of the statements and is suspicious of the archives themselves, so begins to look into the connections between them and recurring themes and characters. The show is now formatted more like a police procedural than a horror anthology, as we’re bringing more characters into the cast and there’s almost always dialogue in addition to the statements.

Series three- Jon learns that the statements he’s been reading ARE connected, and can be grouped into fourteen distinct categories/entities of fear (these range from ‘the vast,’ which encompasses the fear of open spaces so statements revolve around things like the ocean or heights, to ‘the slaughter,’ which encompasses the fear of mass bodily harm so statements revolve around war and genocide.) We also learn that the fears may bind to certain people as conduits called avatars (so like, the pyrokenesis guy from s1 of X-files would have been ‘an avatar of the fear of desolation’).. and the avatars.. may participate in intricate rituals to elevate the fear they serve above the other fears and end the world? The season ends with a huge fight and explosions and major character deaths.

Series four- Jon is in a coma for most of the season completing his transmogrification into an avatar, and then mid-season wakes up from the coma but now his maybe-boyfriend and only confidant is being lured in by another one of the fourteen fears as a different avatar. A bunch more world-building stuff happens including speculation about a fifteenth fear and the now-huge ensemble cast sorting itself into teams and taking drastic actions. Jon is tricked into causing the literal apocalypse.

Series five- Jon and his boyfriend wander through an apocalyptic wasteland ‘meeting’ each of the fourteen fears at its most extreme as they make their way to the epicenter to try and fix things. The tape recorder framing device has been changed entirely, so when Jon does read statements they’re in an almost poetry-like format describing complicated social issues and analyzing anything from the fear of oblivion to capitalism. It’s a fully-produced audio drama of them in literal hell meeting up with different characters from past seasons.

On paper I think this format made sense, it simply builds around the stories in season one and adds stakes, but in practice it’s extremely frustrating and dare I say bad? (especially having taken several years and 200 episodes to get from A to B.) The biggest turning point is in s3 when we get all that overworked world-building that changes the stakes, and the show transitions from a low-budget horror anthology to a fully-produced ensemble cast drama. Series five feels like Lord of the Rings (derogatory) it’s insane.

TL;DR- imagine if after s2 every single episode of the x-files was one of those clunky 3-parter ‘mulder vs the government’ or ‘scully vs aliens’ ones

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

On May 14th, 2021, The Lancet published an editorial titled “A flawed agenda for trans youth”. This contains a number of weak or flawed arguments and rhetorical framing that I believe are far below the quality one might reasonably expect from a publication as prestigious as The Lancet.

On April 6, 2021, amid a flood of new bills to curb the rights of transgender and gender diverse (trans) youth in the USA, Arkansas became the first state to prohibit doctors from providing youth (<18 years) with gender-affirming treatment: puberty blockers, hormone therapy, and gender-affirming surgery.

From the outset, the focus is on the political and legal situation in the US, which of course is not reflective of the global picture. Seen from the UK, our legislative, medical and political landscape are markedly different, but that has not stopped this article being shared approvingly by UK-based lobbyists such as Stonewall’s Nancy Kelley.

Here we see that editorials such as this are not merely narrowly focused on the specifics - and ethics - of care of vulnerable youth, but actually in service of wider political lobbying. This is evident from the language and framing of the whole editorial:

However, what the bills seek to protect appears to be traditional gender norms, using a vulnerable group in a protracted culture war. The bills' socially conservative advocates create fear by focusing on emotive issues, honing the same messaging around protecting women and children that was used in earlier campaigns against abortion and same-sex marriage. As clinicians, it is important to use evidence to debunk the false claims being made.

The author castigates “social conservatives”, and links opposition to euphemistically titled “gender-affirmative care” as akin to anti-abortion or anti-gay marriage.

This is a binary framing that bears no real relation to the actual breadth of opinion and concern out there. For sure, many social conservatives are in opposition on those grounds - but there is a failure to recognise and account for the positions of the many people who come from an entirely different position. People who embrace and encourage gender nonconformity, who fought for gay marriage, and who now see current attitudes as a regressive approach to behavioural stereotypes that are harming predominantly gay and lesbian youth.

Disproportionate emphasis is given to young people's inability to provide medical consent, a moot point given that—like any medical care—parental consent is required.

This is not a moot point. A parent does not have unlimited power to subject a child to elective medical treatment. Indeed, this is the entire crux of the matter: is the treatment necessary? Does the potential benefit outweigh the potential harm? Is a child capable of understanding what they are consenting to?

This is why so much of this is framed in life-or-death terms - because absent some imminent threat, there is no justification for subjecting a child to experimental treatment in the first place.

Supplanting parents with the law for this decision presumes that a parent living alongside their child cannot grasp what is best for them, despite often witnessing many years of struggle.

And yet, parents abuse their own children, and sometimes the duty of the state is to intervene in the best interests of the child. This is a legitimate conflict - simplistically pretending it doesn’t exist, or that a balance is not needed to be struck, denigrates the debate.

Driving this consent narrative is the anxiety evoked by focusing on the minority who regret transition (estimated as 1% of adults who had gender-affirming surgery as adolescents).

This cites a recent meta-analysis of 27 articles, going back to the 80s. As such, I think it has the following weaknesses for making this specific claim:

It covers decades of adult transitioners. Adults are not directly comparable to children because there is wide variation in the persistence of dysphoria past adolescence (as high as 88% in a recent study). This is a key point of contention with early intervention, because this would indicate a nearly 9-in-10 chance of unnecessarily and permanently medicating a child. If regret samples are only drawn from the pool of those who persist into adulthood, then of course regret measures will be lower.

It covers surgical outcomes only. This again does not apply to children maybe given puberty blockers and hormone treatments.

Patients lost to followup or who (for whatever reason) do not proceed to surgery are often not accounted for - and by the above metric these could easily be patients who presented for treatment, before desisting, something much more likely with younger patients. For example, the meta-analysis cites the following paper as having a cohort of 132, only 2 of whom express regret. But actually, the paper starts with 546, which becomes 201 participants, only 136 of whom proceed to surgery, 4 of which are lost to followup. This is a very different picture, with 75% of the recruited sample an unknown quantity - and it is those lost to contact, or refusing to participate, or who simply drop out that are most likely to contain those with regret.

Whatever else, I don’t think that regret rates of adult surgical transition are a useful proxy for regret rates of children who have been affirmed as the opposite sex from a young age and proceed through puberty blockers to cross-sex hormones. I think these are entirely different groups, and using the best-case success rate of one to downplay concerns about the other is disingenuous.

However, in any situation when medical treatment will alter a person's identity, no one can know whether post-treatment regret will occur; therefore what matters ethically is whether an individual has a good enough reason for wanting treatment. Regardless of law makers' stance on identifying with a gender other than one's birth-assigned sex, the autonomy for this decision lies with young people and their parents.

Autonomy, but also clear and informed consent. A child who simplistically believes they are in the wrong body, who may be struggling with internalised homophobia - or homophobic parents - and comorbid mental health issues. Who has been told by people they trust that blockers and other interventions are necessary, and that they will simply go through the “correct” puberty for their “identity”, is being told lies. Phrasing such as “birth-assigned sex” is part of that lie - for sex is determined at conception, and cannot be changed. The association of the word “gender” with “sex” is part of that lie. How can anybody meaningfully consent when surrounded by such imprecise language? Why are children encouraged to change their sex characteristics to express their “gender identity”? What does any of this even mean? When even the Lancet publishes misleading data about rates of regret, or the reversibility and side effects of blockers (see below), how can a child understand this complicated and contradictory picture and offer informed consent?

More fear is stoked by rhetoric about a malevolent threat to children. Social conservatives in the USA, UK, and Australia frame gender-affirming care as child abuse and medical experimentation. This stance wilfully ignores decades of use of and research about puberty blockers and hormone therapy: a collective enterprise of evidence-based medicine culminating in guidelines from medicalassociations such as the Endocrine Society and American Academy of Pediatrics. Puberty blockers are falsely claimed to cause infertility and to be irreversible, despite no substantiated evidence.

Again, the editorial frames opposition as “socially conservative” - and completely ignores the social progressives who are expressing concern. This is simply not a narrative that fits the polarised binary of US liberal/conservative politics. In fact - especially in the UK - opposition is largely left wing, from those who don’t believe that gender nonconformity is something that should be medicalised, and who are worried at the prevalence of gay and lesbian youth in the cohort of children now being referred for paediatric transition.

It is telling also that the study offered to rebut the claims about infertility or irreversibility of blockers is not applicable. The cited paper is a study of the effects of blockers as a treatment for several conditions, but the author here cites the outcome when treating precocious puberty, ie in the instances where a young child is given blockers to halt early pubertal development for a short period, and then allow the remainder of normal adolescence to continue as much as possible.

This is not at all applicable to the treatment of children who go on to cross-sex hormones. These children never experience natural puberty. Blockers in this instance do not delay, they prevent it entirely, and substitute with synthetic hormones to encourage the development of opposite sex characteristics. This is a wholly different treatment pathway, and yes, blockers cause infertility and in some cases complete loss of sexual function, as well as other long term issues.

And the paper itself confirms this:

I believe The Lancet are wholly wrong to present this position with such certainty, and that by making claims that are contradicted by the given citation they fatally undermine this claim.

The dominance of the infertility narrative, usually focused on child-bearing ability, perhaps reveals more about conservatives' commitment to women's role as child-bearers.

Again, this does a huge disservice to the actual debate. The focus is on such things as fertility and sexual function because these are the very things children are incapable of consenting to lose. A child cannot know if they will never want to have a child of their own. A child too young to experience an orgasm cannot consent to never experiencing one.

Puberty blockers are framed as pushing children into taking hormones, whereas the time they provide allows for conversations with health providers and parents on different options. Gender transition involves many decisions over a long time, and those who take hormones do so because they are trans. Contrary to claims of a new phenomenon, trans youth have always existed; historians show they have sought trans medicine since it became possible: the 1930s in the USA.

The concern is that affirming the social sexual transition of a child too young to understand what sex is, is fixating on a fantasy identity that then becomes a medical one, again before a child is too young to know the implications. This is something borne out by the difference in desistance rates between children left to resolve their gender identity in adolescence (ie, allowing non-conforming boys and girls to simply be authentically nonconforming boys and girls) which are up to 88%, and the <1% desistance rate seen with the affirmation approach at the Tavistock. If the intervention itself is fixating and medicalising an otherwise fluid identity, is that really in the interests of the child? And again, this was found in the Keira Bell case - blockers are not in practice “a pause” for “time to think”, rather an early intervention to avoid the development of secondary sexual characteristics and lay the ground for inevitable cross-sex hormones.

Focusing on potential harms ignores the fact that wellbeing is broader than physical health alone. The harms to wellbeing posed by prohibiting care are huge. Being a marginalised group (<2% of US youth), trans youth already experience the stress of discrimination and stigmatisation. They have high rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide: almost double the rates of suicide ideation of their cis peers. As Laura Baams discusses in her Comment, puberty blockers reduce suicidality.

Except as the published work by the Tavistock shows, this is not true. Blockers don’t improve mental health outcomes at all, and indeed the focus on avoiding the development of secondary sex characteristics may even be creating distress.

Additionally, such studies of mental health and suicidality are skewed both by sex differences and confounding comorbidities. Notably, girls are more likely to suffer poor mental health than boys, especially lesbian and bisexual girls. There are large numbers of co-presenting conditions, like eating disorders and self-harm - and it is specifically among girls that we are seeing a large rise in identifying as trans or non-binary.

The author says they have poor mental health because of discrimination and stigmatisation. However, another hypothesis might be that children are identifying as trans as a response to homophobia (as has been reported at the Tavistock), or - in the case of girls - as an escape from a highly sexualised culture of objectification, or experiencing social contagion in friendship groups as has been shown with eating disorders and self-harm in the past. Do they have poor mental health because they are trans, or do they identify as such in response to poor mental health and other social factors?

Separating out whether identifying as trans is a cause of or a response to such things is difficult, but statements like the above are reductive and simplistic. The author leaves no room for such alternative interpretations of the same evidence, which again falls into the whole polarised culture-war framing of the article. Such alternatives invariably are not given weight in pieces like this because they do not fit that narrative.

Removing these treatments is to deny life.

And here is the crux of it - the emotional blackmail. The only thing that could possibly justify the risk of unnecessarily sterilising children is the threat of death.

Moreover, whereas the bills focus on medical treatments, the care trans youth receive is far wider in scope. Those seeking care typically also see social workers and psychiatrists, and much of health providers' work involves listening, talking, and setting up support in their families, schools, and communities. Health providers also discuss with them the idea that gender is something we “do” in social practice and can take many forms.

I struggle to see what the point of this paragraph is. If wider care and therapy are not under threat, why mention them? If the focus of legislation is on medical interventions, then talking about other forms of care is irrelevant. If people are arguing for less medical intervention and more of these wider social measures, then what is the author taking issue with?

Indeed, some choose social transition without medical treatment, and it is useful to remember that the notion of gender dysphoria perpetuates the historical pathologisation of gender diversity. Challenging the current social construction of male–female will undoubtedly ease trans youths' lives, reducing the pressure of rigid definitions. But alongside these social aspects is a pressing need for medical care.

This is pure doublespeak. What is more pathologising of gender diversity than the medication of children who display it, to “fix” their bodies so that they match their expression?

It is precisely the opposition to the pathologisation of gender nonconformity that is at the heart of many progressive objections to the current treatment regime.

We would agree that encouraging children to express themselves however they like is the aim - but we argue that telling them that they need to somehow “correct” their bodies in order to do this is a regressive step. You cannot literally change sex, and telling young children that you can, or connecting such things to stereotypical dress and behaviour and ephemeral feelings is so bizarre that I am still staggered as to how prevalent such a conservative idea is among supposed “progressives”.

Indeed, the idea that you can literally change your sex in this way also means that you can literally change your sexuality. With the right treatment, apparently a gay child becomes the straight one they truly were all along. Can the author really not see how some gay and lesbian people might be appalled by such measures? Might see such interventions as conversion therapy?

This editorial is partisan and polarising. It relies on limited or questionable evidence, does not consider the full range of contradictory evidence, and focuses on a narrow - and false - political framing of a complex and wide-ranging issue. It does nothing more than provide superficial legitimacy and ammunition to a particular political stance, rather than any sort of informative or open assessment of the evidence or genuine criticism.

As such, it is no different to 99% of what is written on this subject, but I do feel that The Lancet ought to aspire to more.

[woodstockbtswriter]

Voyagers

Genre: Fluff/Headcanon

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (Female)

Summary: A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join BTS on a Bon Voyage adventure leads to once-in-a-lifetime love.

Author’s Note: All I have to say is... please enjoy! And, if you do, let me know! Thanks! 💕

GIF Credit: MONOSUGA

Part Fourteen

Goodnight?

You’d hoped Yoongi would stay and talk more, maybe even offer a more thorough explanation as to why he kissed you out of nowhere

But he seemed embarrassed and anxious to retreat

So after shyly bidding you goodnight, he quickly moved toward his tent

Leaving you standing outside the camper van, feeling stunned

Unsure what else to do, you opened the door and climbed in

It was dark in the camper, and the boys inside were already settled in bed

But Hoseok spoke up when you entered, asking if it was you

You responded automatically as you slumped onto your bed, still in a daze

You heard a rustle and could just make out Hoseok propping himself up on one elbow, looking down at you from his high bed

He inquired if you were okay, and you were about to answer him

But then you remembered there were several GoPro cameras tucked into the corners of the camper

You quietly asked if the cameras were off, looking around for any tiny recording lights

Namjoon’s voice sounded from the back, confirming that he turned them all off a few minutes ago

Then he asked if everything was alright, too

“Yoongi kissed me…” You breathed

And you felt a renewed sense of excitement saying it out loud

As soon as the words left you, you heard a bump in the dark, then Hoseok cried out in pain

Jungkook’s laugh rang out from beside him, and you realized Hoseok sat up reflexively and hit his head on the ceiling

You, Namjoon, and Taehyung laughed too, and you asked Hoseok if he was hurt

Hoseok dismissed the question, saying he was fine as he hurried to climb down the ladder

Reaching the floor, he quickly moved to sit cross-legged beside you, grabbing both of your hands and holding them in his lap

Hoseok beamed at you, practically giddy, and urged you to tell him everything

Spilling the Tea

Namjoon flipped a small light on, and you saw him, Taehyung, and Jungkook all sitting up in bed, their faces shining with interest

You suddenly felt a little shy, but you knew everyone there cared about you and Yoongi, and wanted both of you to be happy

And you trusted the boys to keep anything you told them confidential

So you opened up, and told them the whole story

How you and Yoongi had been getting to know each other, and growing close

How Yoongi held your hand at the observatory, and in the hot tub

How he let you sleep on his shoulder, and rested his head on yours

How you stayed up talking the night before, and really connected

How the producers had noticed you spending so much time together, and requested that you participate with the other members instead 

How Yoongi got the wrong idea, and thought you were avoiding him because you like Namjoon

And how when you promised him there was no reason for him to be jealous, he unexpectedly kissed you

The boys all grinned as they listened, and when you finished describing everything that happened, you expected they’d be surprised

But Taehyung said he wasn’t 

He knew his hyung liked you, and could see there was something happening between you

Hoseok and Jungkook agreed, though they hadn’t expected Yoongi to make the first move, especially so soon

Namjoon was a little surprised Yoongi had been jealous of him though, and reassured you that he knew you were just friends

But all of the boys were excited for you, and happy that their hyung had opened himself up to you

You thanked them, saying you were really happy and excited too

And you shyly admitted that you really like - maybe even love - Yoongi

When you said that, Hoseok pulled you into a crushing hug

But you had to ask them if they thought his intentions were serious, if they thought he actually wanted a relationship

After a moment’s consideration, Jungkook stated he’d never seen Yoongi with a girlfriend

And Namjoon explained that dating had been a low priority for him since their debut, because he’d been focused on his career

But he was sure that if Yoongi met someone he was truly interested in, someone he genuinely connected with, someone who could convince him that a relationship was worth it…

Someone like…

You

Then he would adjust his priorities accordingly

Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook agreed, adding that they’d never seen Yoongi so comfortable, so open, so affectionate with anyone so soon

And he wasn’t one to waste any time or energy on something he didn’t plan to see through

So, based on the evidence they’d seen and how well they knew their hyung...

They felt confident promising you that Yoongi was definitely serious about you

Hearing their affirmations brought happy tears to your eyes, and Hoseok “aww”ed when he noticed, giving you another tight hug

Real Talk

You were so relieved that the other members confirmed your hope that Yoongi liked you

But knowing how he felt about you was only one part of the equation

Because before you started a relationship, you knew you had to consider what dating an international idol would really be like

So you asked the boys, not knowing when you’d get another chance to talk with them so candidly

A relationship with one of them would be hard, all four boys concurred

Besides the hectic schedules, endless workload, and constant traveling, there was extremely limited privacy, constant scrutiny, and immense pressure to maintain the right image

Some of which you’d already experienced

But, Namjoon encouraged, it wasn’t impossible

And he knew that Yoongi would give his all to make things work, and would care for you deeply

As long as you did the same

You appreciated the honesty, and thanked the boys for their insight and encouragement

Hoseok squeezed your hand, swearing that he and his brothers would be there for you and help you in any way they could

Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jungkook all nodded, and you felt your eyes start to water again

Hoseok wiped your tears, chuckling, and suggested that maybe it was time for you to go to sleep

You reluctantly agreed, and Namjoon turned out the light as soon as Hoseok climbed back into his own bed

Then, slipping under your covers, you whispered another “thank you” and a “goodnight” into the darkness, and four voices softly answered “goodnight” back

The Morning After

The heat of the bright sun shining directly in your face woke you in the morning 

You burrowed beneath your pillow, attempting to block out the light, but it was too warm inside the camper

Giving up, you kicked off your blankets and opened your eyes

Namjoon was already sitting up, and Hoseok was stretching in bed, his shirt lifting to expose his tummy

You’d slept fitfully and were still tired, but you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep anymore, so you decided to get up, too

Hoseok headed to the public bathroom to shower, and Namjoon, Taehyung, and Jungkook went outside to give you privacy while you used the camper shower

When you were clean and dressed, you went outside and found Jimin making friends with two friendly dogs that had wandered into your camp

You greeted Jimin and the sweet pups, then joined Jin who was lounging in a camp chair drinking pumpkin sikhye

Jin offered you some, and you enjoyed a sip of the sweet rice drink

It was another beautiful, peaceful morning in New Zealand, and it was nice to take a moment to just relax and enjoy it

Then Yoongi appeared, freshly showered and dressed for the day, and your heart gave its usual excited response

He really needed to stop being so cute

Not making eye contact, he casually sat next to Jin and asked to try his drink

You offered Yoongi a “good morning” and a smile as Jin passed him the bottle, but he only nodded, pulling out his phone and starting to idly scroll through it

Feeling unsure, you sat in silence, the three of you sharing sips of the sikhye until it was gone

Then Hoseok returned from the showers, and Yoongi joined him as he squeezed espresso packets into water bottles to make instant Americanos

As Yoongi walked away, Jin looked at you, an eyebrow raised

Even though he wasn’t yet privy to every detail, he knew enough to be curious about what he just witnessed

You gave Jin a weak smile, not knowing what to tell him

You weren’t sure what was up either

Maybe Yoongi just needed his morning caffeine fix

Maybe after his coffee he’d be more friendly, you told yourself

But before you could think too much about it, the rest of the group gathered around and began preparing to leave

The activity for the morning was a helicopter tour, and everyone needed to ride in the SUV to get to the pickup site

In typical fashion, the boys wanted to play rock-paper-scissors to determine seating order

Jin elected to drive and Namjoon won the front seat

Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook lost and had to squeeze into the third row

Which left you, Yoongi, and Taehyung in the second row

Yoongi climbed in behind the passenger’s seat, and Taehyung nudged you to sit in the middle, barely concealing his conspiratorial smile

Giving Taehyung a look, you slid across the seat, settling next to Yoongi, your shoulders pressed together 

But he kept his gaze fixed out the window

And you felt a tiny twinge of doubt 

The car was packed with all eight of you, but as you rode along, Jimin said that it was fun to be together in one vehicle 

Your group had been divided between the camper and the SUV the whole trip, and even back home the members rarely rode all together anymore

The other boys agreed, and began reminiscing about sharing vehicles while filming past music videos

You always enjoyed hearing them discuss their memories

But you were distracted as you sat between Yoongi and Taehyung, pulling your shoulders and knees together to make yourself as small as possible

Yoongi was acting normal with the others, talking and joking, but he’d yet to interact with you directly

And you couldn’t help but wonder why

Was Yoongi being shy and awkward because he kissed you last night and now he didn’t know how to act around you?

Or was he regretting kissing you…?

You forced the thought from your mind

No, you were probably reading too much into things

You were just letting your insecurities influence you

There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for his sudden change in behavior

You’d had a good reason for acting similarly the day before, afterall

But whatever it was that was inhibiting him, you hoped it wasn’t going to last all day

Because honestly…

You weren’t sure you could stand another day not being close to him

Previous - Next

Taglist: @bucky-thorin-winchester @yvemoon @serpentiinequeen @neilpoetssociety @narcissism-iskey​

[starlightsearches]

Hello love I would like to request a Hux x Reader oneshot where the reader interferes with a potential abusive episode from Brendol. He would be so grateful and I just can't handle ittttt thank youuuu

Free of Charge

😭😭😭😭 Thank you for this! Someone needs to help our boy.

Requests are open ✨

“Tell me,” Brendol says, breaking the silence that had been threatening to swallow the room whole, “exactly how idiotic can you manage to be?” There’s nothing Armitage can say in response, but his father waits anyways, determined to embarrass him, and the worst part about it is—even after all this time—his tactics still work. Armitage clenches his fists tighter in his lap, determined not to show any weakness.

“General, I-”

“I’m not interested in hearing any excuses, boy!” the man shouts, banging his fist down on the board room table, and a few of the other officers jump at the sound. Armitage refuses to break eye contact with his father, but his palms are becoming slick inside of his leather gloves and the prickling sensation at the back of his neck grows stronger as he anticipates the worst possible outcome. It’s alright, he tries to soothe himself, he’s all talk. There are still witnesses. The silence returns, oppressive and heavy and no one will look at Armitage—the other officers flitting their eyes from place to place and refusing to land anywhere near him. They’re all pretending that he’s not there, and somehow that’s worse than being seen as a failure in front of his peers because Brendol is determined to make it so, and he is a man who always gets what he wants.

“Everyone out,” Brendol’s voice is a dangerous hum, and the other men practically trip over themselves as they leap out of their seats. The race to the doorway is quick and quiet, and soon the shuffling stops and Armitage is alone with his father.

“I have given you every opportunity to complete this one simple task, and yet you have failed me still. How can you expect to advance in this organization when you can’t complete one simple fucking task?” Armitage blocks out the crescendos of his father’s voice, and retreats into a safer space, deep in the back of his mind. His father’s words begin to blur together, the same insults and abuse repeated once again. Armitage could still get out of this, if he stays quiet. If he stays firm. After all, Brendol is still wearing his gloves, which means that the worst of it is not yet on the horizon.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, boy!” His father reaches out too fast for Armitage to dodge, grabbing him by the jaw and holding him tight, forcing him to take in the arrant loathing on Brendol’s face. The grip of his father’s hand burns along his jawline, but he knows it won’t bruise. Brendol has perfected the ability to cause his son pain without leaving any visible markings; he’s had a lifetime to do it. Armitage resists the urge to shift out of his father’s grasp but he’s losing his nerve, and just when the pain reaches a breaking point, his father lets go. A wave of nausea rolls through him as he watches his father begin to remove the leather covering his hands. 

“It seems I have to teach you a lesson, boy, and this will not be one that you soon forget.” Brendol’s gloves hit the table with a soft slap as Armitage braces himself for the first punch, but he can never be sure where his father will strike. Maybe it’s his imagination, but Brendol seems less controlled than the last time, a little more wild, and those bruises had stayed around for weeks; the shame for much longer. Would it be worse? It’s impossible to say, and the only thing Armitage can think of to calm himself is rather disappointing: it will have to end eventually.

The door slides open without warning, the mechanical swish echoing loudly off the walls in the empty room. Brendol drops his fist and turns to the source of the noise, taking his eyes off Armitage, and he looks to the door as well, curious to see who was brave enough to interrupt the general in a moment like this one.

You’re standing there in the doorway, fresh from your most recent assignment, and for a moment Armitage allows himself to be happy to see you, and happier this time, knowing that you had inadvertently delayed something awful.

“What is it?” Brendol asks, and his demeanor is changed now that he realizes it’s you. He reaches for his gloves and forces them back over his hands, seemingly composed, his previous rage gone, at least for the moment. Armitage isn’t sure if he believes in a higher power, but right now he’s ready to thank the Maker as you stroll through the doorway and into the conference room. There are many bounty hunters employed by the First Order with more experience than you, but you’ve certainly made a name for yourself already, quickly becoming a favorite of his father. This successful mission would be the 33rd that you’ve completed for Brendol … not that Armitage was keeping track.

“Sorry to interrupt, General,” you say, “I just came to report that the target has been eliminated, as requested.”

“Excellent,” Brendol says, and he claps his hands together with approval, “I’ll have the credits transferred to your account immediately.” He reaches for his data pad to initiate the transfer, and Armitage hears him mumble under his breath, “at least someone can do their job right.”

A blush rises to Armitage cheeks—one of the few reactions he hasn’t yet learned how to control—and he hopes that you didn’t hear the taunt. It’s one thing to look incompetent in front of the other officers aboard the ship, but in front of you …

“Thank you, general,” you say, tapping your fingers absentmindedly on the blaster strapped to your thigh as you wait. Your eyes land on Armitage, and he stiffens under your gaze, his neck growing warm under the collar.

“Hello, Lieutenant,” you nod to him, and Armitage can hardly speak. He had been under the impression that you didn’t know who he was, and your acknowledgement, in addition to the relief that his father’s hands had been stayed momentarily, is more than he can currently bear. His throat is dry—he’s not sure what he would say even if he could speak—so he opts to nod instead. Once again Armitage is forced to thank whatever higher power out there that his father is still distracted with the credit transfer. If Brendol noticed the effect you had on him, he would never be able to escape the torment the man would enact.

“The transfer has been initiated,” Brendol drops his data pad back on the table, and any pleasant feeling Armitage had experienced from your recognition has quickly disappeared, replaced with the dread of facing his father alone once again. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I have to deal with my son.”

“Actually, sir, I was hoping I could discuss something with the lieutenant briefly.” 

Armitage’s eyes snap to his father, waiting to see his reaction. It’s obvious that Brendol is surprised by your request, traces of anger flashing across his face, but his father is capable of being charming when needed, and he masks his annoyance.

“Why?” Despite his attempts to cover it, there’s still a hint of disgust in Brendol’s voice, one that always appears when Armitage is brought up, but you don’t seem to notice.

“It’s nothing, really, just a bit of intel I picked up and thought I’d pass along. I know you’re a busy man, General, and I’d love to explain it to you directly but I have urgent business on Hosnian Prime and I need to return to my ship as soon as possible. I thought it might be easier for you if I reported to the Lieutenant now on the way back to the hangar, and he could impart the information to you when it would be more convenient.”

Brendol looks to his son, and Armitage tries to seem disappointed, annoyed even, under his father’s gaze. He knows that if Brendol suspects that leaving with you would bring Armitage any kind of pleasure, he would immediately refuse. Apparently his act is sufficient, because Brendol hesitates, and then concedes.

“Very well,” he says, “but we’ll continue this conversation later.” Armitage can’t find any place in his mind to worry about that now; he’s too elated at the thought of spending a moment alone with you, and finally being away from his father.

You walk silently down the corridors of the ship at a leisurely pace, and Armitage grows nervous. Should he say something to you? He tries to muster the courage, but he can’t think of the right words when he’s too busy sneaking glances from the corner of his eye. He thinks he’s being subtle, but you catch him looking and look back, a small smirk on your face.

“There was no intel, in case you were wondering,” you say, “but I thought you might want an excuse to get away.”

“Oh?” Armitage is not feeling very articulate, and it’s the only thing he can manage to say in response as he tries to process all the information he’s being presented: the fact that you know who he is—which is already disorienting enough on its own—and that you recognized the threat Brendol posed, then still put yourself at risk for Armitage’s sake. He’s never had someone look out for him like this before.

“I haven’t known the general for long, but I’ve seen enough to know that he’s a man who has lived to control others through fear,” you look straight ahead as you speak, and Armitage is afraid to hear you talk this way. Statements like that could be seen as treason, even if you weren’t an official member of the Order.

“The general is a good leader,” Armitage says, but it doesn’t sound convincing, even to his own ears, “a strong leader. The one that we need.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” you respond, so casual in your defiance of one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, “leaders who control others through terror are easily overpowered. No one stays afraid forever.” Oh, how Armitage wishes that were true. He should not be participating in this conversation, but he likes to hear you speak. The ease with which you defy his father is refreshing, and maybe a little addicting. Maybe his father’s abuse is not as inevitable as he once thought.

“Then who do you think would make a good leader?” 

“Actually, Lieutenant, I would say you.” A solid swell of pleasure wells up in Armitage’s chest, and he has to swallow it down before he can speak again.

“What?” He needs you to say more, knows that he could live off your praise for the rest of his life, and he wants to take in as much as he can before he has to face his father again.

“I mean, I’m no expert, of course,” you say then, stopping outside the entrance to your ship and turning to face him, “but I have seen you work with some of the other men here, and they seem to have a decent amount of respect for you, when the general isn’t around,” you shift from foot to foot, delaying your departure, “I think that you would make a fine general for the First Order.”

“Thank you,” The gratitude falls unbidden and unplanned from his lips, even though it’s not enough; Armitage can’t possibly express how much your words mean to him. It’s not just the compliment that he values, but all of it: your candor, your aid in escaping his father, and most of all, that you noticed him. The weight of it all is making it hard for him to breathe, but he thinks he could die happily, if it was in your presence. You step closer to him, lowering the volume of your voice so that only he can hear, and he wants to engrave this moment to memory—the sound of your whisper in his ear, the electric feeling of you in such close proximity.

“I know how you feel,” you say, “and I know what it’s like to be treated poorly by someone who is supposed to care for you. So if you ever find yourself in need of my services for, ah, personal reasons, just know that I’ll take care of him, free of charge.” You step away from him and onto the loading dock of your ship, turning back once more before you leave.

“Whatever you decide, you know how to find me,” you wink when you say it, and Armitage nods in confirmation. You disappear into your ship, but he doesn’t leave the hangar just yet, wanting to stay in this feeling for as long as possible. Suddenly, facing his father doesn’t seem so daunting, and he thinks that he will take you up on your offer. There’s not much he wouldn’t do, if it meant seeing you again.

[letters-from-r]

I Burn: A Review

I'm not good at reviewing things but I thought I should say some things about (G)I-DLE's 4th mini album 'I Burn' since this is the first comeback I'll be witnessing as a Neverland. I know next to nothing about the technicalities of music, so I'll say what I want to say as easy as I can say it.

If you come across this post, please give the album a listen before reading my review. I recommend listening with headphones/headset! Here’s the link to the album on Spotify.

#1: HANN (Alone in Winter)

The first song on the abum is called HANN, which is a continuation to their previous song also called HANN. HANN 2.0 starts out exactly like it promises: chilling. A few piano beats that goes lower with each beat, a lone high beat followed by a lone low beat, all the while a strong wind blows in the background. It gave me the feeling of being isolated.

The song talks about a neverending winter after a breakup (one that happened preceding the events of HANN 1.0). Based on the lyrics, the main character seem to be in the middle of a very long winter, alone for a very long time. The line ‘Is it my greed to wait for your spring again?’ gives me the impression that the main character has not completely moved on from the ex yet, but there is an obvious negative feeling towards this ex as well.

I can tell that this song is supposed to be from the perspective of someone who is hurting, with Yuqi and Miyeon’s verses followed by a melodious shout (?) that seem to convey hurting. I can’t explain it very well but I can feel the emotions by the way they sing the lyrics.

The song is dominantly accompanied by piano, whose melody goes perfectly with the message the lyrics are communicating. Shuhua’s melodic ‘Lalala lalala’ adds to the overall melancholic feeling of the song.

When I first heard this song it didn’t have as strong of an impact on me as it does now, it’s a song that gets better the more you listen to it. I’ve watched quite a few fan edits of this song as well, and it goes well with period dramas and movies with sad endings. The title came from the Korean word ‘Han’ which is a feeling that cannot be directly translated to English, but from what I gathered it means something along the lines of feeling empty or void, alone, sad, the feeling of having lost someone, etc.

Overall, I give this song a rating of 9.3/10.

#2: HWAA (Fire, Flower) [Title Track]

I think even if Soyeon didn’t say beforehand that HANN (Alone), HANN (Alone in Winter), and HWAA were connected, just by reading the lyrics I would definitely know. HWAA starts out with a Soyeon singing verse, which is one of my favorite things ever (because I know her raps are fire but girl can also sing so well!).

The song starts out cold as well, and it gets warmer as the song goes on. I love how you can especially tell that the song is cold with Minnie’s first verse. She does this thing with her voice that will make you feel chilly. As the song goes on, it will become bass-heavy, which I love.

The message that I got from this song is that the main character is now in their lowest of lows (’The darkness gets deeper’ from Soyeon’s first verse), which means they can only go up from there. The main character has finally cried all their tears (’I can’t live any more tears’ from Soojin’s first verse) and is now ready to bloom again.

Soyeon’s rap verse gives me the idea that the main character is ready to completely erase the memory of their ex (’I won’t leave any traces of you, even the resentment I can’t say is far and wide’), or at least use this to fuel their rebirth (’It will release the cold, enjoy spring again, all memories become fire or fertilizer’). Soyeon’s genius is especially evident in this track, because throughout the whole song she will keep referencing the title (HWAA) with both of its meaning (Fire, Flower) without it feeling disconnected from each other. ‘Fire will release the cold, enjoy spring again (with flowers), all memories become fire (to further fuel fire) or fertilizer (to nourish the flower).’ I think it’s absolutely brilliant!

In HANN (Alone) and HANN (Alone in Winter) it was kind of evident that the main character is resentful of or angry at their ex for what happened, and in HWAA the main character is still angry but for a different reason: they’re angry at losing their ‘spring’ and is now using this anger to fuel their rebirth (’I get mad, get mad even more to regain the lost spring’ from Yuqi’s verse).

The chorus to this song is a harmonic, melodic, singing of ‘HWAA’ from all of the members (but if I’m not mistaken the chorus itself is mostly led by Shuhua). At first it seemed lacking to put such little words in the chorus, but after watching (G)I-DLE’s latest I-Talk episode where Soyeon talks a little about HWAA, it now makes sense. Soyeon said that the way the chorus is sang represents how the fire burns (you’ll get it when you listen to it, at least I did). In fact, Shuhua’s line before the chorus (’Set fire’) kind of says it all.

Honestly, I wish I was born speaking Korean, or at least knew how to speak Korean, because I can only imagine how impactful these lyrics are. Soyeon has said in a behind the scenes video that she used old Korean words for this album to properly convey the message.

Overall, I give this song a 9.2/10.

#3: MOON

This track holds a special place in my heart because it’s one of two tracks composed by Minnie (yes, my bias). Also because the track is called ‘Moon’ which I think is pretty cool. Plus, the lyrics are written by Soyeon, so it’s guaranteed good.

When I hear the word ‘moon’ I automatically associate it with emotions, maybe it’s the hidden astrology bitch inside of me but anything that has to do with the moon I immediately think ‘emotions’. This track is one of those things, and I know I’m right this time.

The song starts with a Minnie verse, and from the start you’d know it’s quite different from the previous two songs. Although personally I think all six songs are similar in such a way that they all seem to ‘take place’ at night, either on a night drive with friends or alone on a roof staring at the moon or alone in your bedroom staring outside the window, they all seem like the type of songs that you’d listen to at night.

Anyway, I kind of digressed there, but the point is this song is quite different from the previous two but also similar. It differs in the genre, since MOON is a pop track (as far as I know) while HWAA is moombahton (house music + reggaeton) and HANN (Alone in Winter) is more of a ballad. But it continues the story line of the previous songs.

The message of the song is basically the main character hiding from something, or the main character wants something to be hidden. ‘Do not shine on me, oh moon’, ‘Do not come near me, oh moon’, ‘Turn off the moon light, please don’t let it shine’, they all tell the same message. I think at this point of the story the main character is trying their best not to open up to emotions, after the very devastating break up they just experienced.

I can’t really explain the music properly, but the way this song was composed is just... so good. I love how it sounds, I love the lyrics, I love the voices the (g)irls put on for this track (I can’t pinpoint it exactly but when you’ve been listening to an artist a lot you’d know how different their voices can sound). Soyeon did not participate much in this track, only at the very last seconds, but I think that further reinforces the message that the main character is hiding something, hiding from something, or wants something to be hidden.

This track is the 10/10 of this album. I would recommend this song to anyone anywhere that’s asking for a song recommendation.

#4: Where is love

I think most people would agree when I say that this fourth track is the dance track of this album. ‘Where is love’ is under the retro funk genre, and although that sounds like it doesn’t fit the story line, trust me it does.

The song starts out with a Soyeon verse. The main character seems to be thinking about the ex in the dark night (see? it all takes place at night), but instead of getting hurt by the memories they laugh it off. ‘The crumbled memories slowly become dull, I let go of you and find myself, the lost smiles are filled back again, I forget you and find myself’. This is definitely a road to self-love song, even though the title seem to be saying otherwise. I think the title talks about how a love so strong was able to just disappear without leaving a trace, thus ‘Where is love?’. At this point of the story line I think the main character has moved on enough to be able to look back and not be hurt by the past.

Soyeon’s rap verse on this track is probably one of my favorite Soyeon raps ever (the next track might be a contender). The music is great, and I think if the girls will perform this song on a live stage this would be a carefree-type of song. It has a ‘come on, let’s vibe!’ type of energy.

Overall, I would give this song a 9.3/10.

#5: LOST

This fifth track is written and composed by Yuqi, our best and most hard-working girl. LOST is under the RnB genre. It starts out with Soojin’s beautiful voice, followed by Yuqi’s captivating one.

This song is also very, very beautiful. It talks about having lost somebody dear to you. The first verse was hard to get at first, but after some thinking I think I know what it means. ‘Dazzling sunlight, will it get dark if I cover it with my hand? Will it be forgotten if I cover you in stained memories?’ I think this mostly means that if you pretend something didn’t happen, did it really not happen?

This is somewhat of a u-turn on the story line, because it seemed like the main character was already moving on in ‘Where is love’ but here it seems like they’re remembering the past again. It might just be a final goodbye to this chapter of their life.

Like I said earlier, Soyeon’s rap verse on this track is a contender for my all-time favorite Soyeon rap. The music here is also great, something you can jam to at any time of the day. Catchy, somewhat upbeat, the voices are beautiful as it always is.

I think my favorite part of this song, aside from Soyeon’s rap verse, is Minnie’s last verse. I just love her voice a lot.

Overall, I would give this song a 9.4/10.

#6: DAHLIA

Ah, DAHLIA, everyone’s baby. DAHLIA is another pop track, written and composed by Minnie (again, yes, my bias). This song is another contender for a 10/10 on this album. Almost everyone on my Twitter timeline was obsessed with this song when the audio snippet came out. Not only does it exude major sapphic vibes, it’s also super catchy and just... beautiful.

The song starts with Minnie’s breathy, angelic voice. From the start, by the lyrics alone you’d know this is a love song. ‘So beautiful, just looking at you with my own eyes makes me fall in love’, ‘I’m drunk on a flower called you, no matter what they say, I’ll choose to love you anyway’  Okay, can we talk about the sapphic undertones? Pink and purple dahlias are said to represent feminine beauty, and flowers in general are mostly associated with women and femininity. Add to that ‘No matter what they say, I’ll choose to love you anyway’? Gay. I know it. Gay.

Also, I don’t know why but to me Soyeon’s rap verse here reminds me of their song last year called ‘Oh my god’ (which is also pretty gay, ‘Oh my god, she took me to the sky, Oh my god, she showed me all the stars’?). Maybe it’s the fact that she says ‘I’m in love again’ and then towards the end she calls out to god again ‘I pray to God, I hope this flower will be beautiful forever’, which are two of the major key points of ‘Oh my god’.

Actually now that I remember it, Soyeon did an intro rap for their last ‘Oh my god’ performance last year in December, and if I remember correctly that rap included something like ‘I’m about to sin again, fall in love with her’ (yes, with the female pronouns). I think DAHLIA might be the song that that rap was referring to, if my intuition is correct that DAHLIA is about a woman.

Anyway, aside from the lyrics which I am absolutely obsessed about, the music is also really, really good. Very catchy, beautiful vocals, and that beat drop that I like during ‘My love is dahlia’. It has that same build up as ‘Oh my god’, fast approaching the chorus and then a sudden stop just before chorus, and then a beat drop with the chorus. It is easily addictive (honestly, all six songs are easily addictive).

Overall, I give this song a 9.8/10.

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If you made it this far, thank you for reading my album review that is more like rambling and fangirling than anything. If you still haven’t listened to ‘I Burn’, please give it a listen! It’s beautiful, I swear.

[mprjanedoe]

Hi there folks. I really did not intend to make this blog a regular update situation. I intended for the information to be out there for those to read and that really be the end of it. But a number of noteworthy things have happened and I feel they are worth talking about.

Please repost this if you see this.

Nothing in this post is legal advice directed to anyone or from anyone. I am not a lawyer. I know lawyers, I have spoken with lawyers, I am reading what lawyers have to say – but this is not legal advice.

I am here expressing my opinion on this situation and how it has been handled.

At no point in talking about this, in any correspondence on this blog, my twitter, or my Instagram, has my intent been malicious. I am not talking about all of this with the intention of saying any of it to harm Michael, or any members of Steam Powered Giraffe. And I would venture to say that Bunny and David, when they’ve spoken about what Michael’s done, also had no intention of harming Michael by speaking about this. It is a pervasive and toxic myth that the vast majority of people who would ever speak out about abuse have something to gain from doing so. I have absolutely nothing to gain from this. Even in my personal life – non-anonymously, I have nothing to gain from this. I am putting myself at risk of retaliation in various forms. I am doing this because I care about the people Michael harmed, myself included – and they all, we all, deserve the respect and dignity of people knowing what happened in our path to healing and recovery from the lasting harm caused by Michael.

I was informed by multiple people, publicly, and privately/anonymously that Michael has threatened legal action against Steam Powered Giraffe LLC and has used the word “libel” to describe what legal action he may choose to take. This is likely the reason Bunny chose to delete her tweets about Michael. I have been asked to remove the public conversation around this. I am not going to do so. The person who publicly mentioned this to me deserves no negative attention for doing so. The access fans and supporters get to SPG when becoming patrons is merely a paywall.

So let’s talk about Michael’s response, and let’s talk about libel. Libel is the legal term for written defamation of character. The legal definition of defamation is as such: “Generally, defamation is a false and unprivileged statement of fact that is harmful to someone's reputation, and published "with fault," meaning as a result of negligence or malice. Libel is a written defamation.”

Steam Powered Giraffe has mentioned on public posts on Patreon that Michael has “denied everything”. Steam Powered Giraffe has mentioned on public posts on Patreon, verbatim: “The evidence is far from unfounded. It's all damning and there is no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The evidence is overwhelming.” (sic)

I do not know who all has reached out to Steam Powered Giraffe’s members and what they have all come forward with about what Michael has done. I only know what I have experienced, what I have personally witnessed (in person, and online/over the phone), and what I have been told (and shown, in photos, texts, chatlogs, etc) from other victims. I have no reason to believe Steam Powered Giraffe is hyperbolizing, exaggerating, or making anything up about the situation. I also have made no hyperbole or exaggeration. To my knowledge, there is a significant amount of evidence and a significant number of victims to prove that Michael has caused the harm that has been spoken about. There is no indication that Steam Powered Giraffe has posted anything that is not true about him in this situation. That in and of itself, nullifies the idea that there is libel occurring.

In addition to this – as I said earlier, I have nothing to gain from this. I am at risk of more harm in this. Steam Powered Giraffe as an entity also has nothing to gain from this. From what they’ve said, it appears they have not been working with Michael for a while, and while I imagine some sort of legal residual financial situation for royalties will have to remain in place, what I cannot imagine is that Steam Powered Giraffe is paying Michael so much in royalties that they would lie or seek to tarnish his image just to find a way not to pay him. Steam Powered Giraffe is also at risk for talking about him, and it is a financial risk to put their reputation on the line for being associated with him for a number of years to talk about this.

In my opinion, Michael’s threat is at best, an empty one, and at worst, a foolish one. Legal action of any kind is expensive. From what I’ve read, a libel/defamation lawsuit can cost on average $15,000, over a process of at the least $1,000 a month to pursue. Not to mention Michael is not in the US anymore, and we’re in the middle of a pandemic where legal cases are not as easy to just initiate and process. In addition to this, much of what Michael has done, that I can personally state I know there is proof of, was and is illegal. Statutory rape, possession and distribution of illegal drugs, providing alcohol to minors – all of these things were and are illegal. To initiate a process where Steam Powered Giraffe would be in a position to present the burden of proof of what he’s done, would be a significant risk to “open up a can of worms”, so to speak. It would not be in Michael’s best interest financially or personally to pursue legal action against Steam Powered Giraffe LLC or anyone talking about the things he has done.

It is not uncommon for perpetrators of abuse to threaten legal action in an attempt to silence victims and those who would bring their actions to light. In the case of directly attempting to silence victims, there are laws called Anti SLAPP laws. SLAPP stands for “A strategic lawsuit against public participation is a lawsuit intended to censor, intimidate, and silence critics by burdening them with the cost of a legal defense until they abandon their criticism or opposition. In the typical SLAPP, the plaintiff does not normally expect to win the lawsuit. “ These laws and these types of lawsuits typically are talking about domestic violence cases wherein an abusive spouse threatens legal action to try to prevent a victim from seeking help and talking about the abuse they’ve experienced or are experiencing. This does not apply directly here, but it is an indicator that these behaviors from abusive people are not necessarily a rare occurrence.

I have some grievances about how Steam Powered Giraffe – namely David and Bunny, are handling this situation. Is it reasonable for the Bennetts to make sure to cover their brand and their *assets*? Absolutely. But not everything is black and white. I believe that not enough is being done by David and Bunny to appropriately make it known the harm Michael has caused. This is a morality issue, and I know not everyone has the same morals as I do, but I would hope with the things David and Bunny appear to stand for, that they would care more about Michael’s victims than Michael’s threats or the potential at Steam Powered Giraffe being looked at negatively by being associated with Michael. Here’s the thing – Michael’s harm cannot be divorced from his associated with Steam Powered Giraffe, and Steam Powered Giraffe handling this appropriate and respectfully would make people who care about things like this respect and admire SPG more. Currently, it feels as though SPG is more committed to doing the absolute bare minimum and focusing the rest of their attention on protecting themselves from a perceived threat as opposed to caring about the severity of the situation and doing their part to help the victims.

David said, in a tweet on July 3rd: (I have not checked to see if this tweet is still up) “I’d trade everything with Steam Powered. Giraffe if it meant I could go back in time and stop Mike from joining the band in 2009, so he might not hurt anyone”

David said on a tweet on June 30th “I feel sick having hired him for gigs in 2017, knowing this all now” and in another tweet “To know what he was actually doing sickens me”

Bunny has also stated a number of emotional and remorseful things which have mostly since been deleted:

She stated that she “almost couldn’t” love him anymore (in the past) because of “the sheer panic attacks” she got “around him and fans”

She said “I know the band wasn’t harboring an abuser knowingly or anything like that, but it’s hard not to feel like I was. I will be asking myself that for. The rest of my life. I should’ve said something. I should of stood my ground. We had nothing to go off of except an irate fan and a girl who didn’t want to press charges or do anything about it”

Bunny also said – presumably on behalf of SPG as a whole: “We’re talking, we’re listening, and we’re horrified at the accusations against Mike”

She also said “I can’t express my disgust. I can’t express the rage and hurt I have inside of me boiling up” and “I will fucking tear down this band and burn it to the ground if that gets the fucking bile out of my mouth” and “I’m watching this bastion of hope we created be sordid by someone we let in… gave the benefit of doubt to… MULTIPLE TIMES. I don’t know if SPF will ever be the same for me – every guitar lick… every phat beat he wrote. Tainted.”

David said in a tweet “We stand with the victims who have come forward to us privately, publicly, and those that haven’t.”

Bunny said “This is something that will haunt for years. I’m personally energized to spend the remainder of my life contrary to what Mike and people like Mike do. When the world heals and touring begins again, know that if you take advantage of our audience, we will be there with other performers like us to hold you accountable. And our audience. And your audience.”

On July 12th, Bunny said “The best part of this is that Steve and Mike get away scot free. They don’t get their comeuppance. I dunno if “vengeance” is the way to live life, but I know for a fact the next decade is going to be spent finding my own happiness in truth and loyalty.” “Mike has denied it all, even in the fact of damning evidence. We gave him the benefit of doubt too, and we contacted his family. No regrets, no justice in the slightest. And there are still people singing his praises”. She goes on: “Trying to describe my feelings on Steve and Mike’s behavior and how for years I’ve defended them… all the while being lied to is… heartbreaking to say the least. I know things are confusing, but you can’t make this shit up”

On the specifics of Michael’s behavior: “Mike’s stuff is so much worse. I was afraid Mike’s underage grooming habits would be somehow lessened or forgotten in the wake of Steve’s behavior back in the day… which while deplorable, have at least been owned up to.” “Stringing together tweets is the worst way to address all this, but I suppose a video about it or something down the line is called for. Right now I’m far too upset and rattled to reflect on it all. I don’t know how SPG will be salvaged from all this”.

Why am I repeating all of this? I want it to be cleared that David and Bunny expressed remorse, disgust, regret, anger, grief, shame in all of this. I see that. I acknowledge that. And in seeing these statements, I trusted them to handle this in the best way they could manage. But it also needs to be acknowledged that there has been a harmful failure on their part in how they’ve responded beyond these tweets. I am not the expert on how best to handle horrible situations like this, but as both a victim and an ally to other victims and a person who has been a fan of SPG before, I think I know enough to say that not enough has been done, and inaction in and of itself causes harm as well.

I’d also like to address the unfortunate situation that David and Bunny maintain they had no prior knowledge of Michael’s behavior. Here’s the thing: while I 100% believe they did not know all of the details of all of the harm Michael caused, there were definitive patterns and red flags and there needs to be actual accountability around this. Bunny said that the band gave Michael the benefit of doubt multiple times. She also said that Michael was caught and reprimanded for kissing a teenage fan in 2011. If my math is correct, at the time Michael would’ve been 25 and the fan was 17. That’s nearly a decade of difference, despite the fan being almost 18. On top of this, this was a fan and a minor and not only is there a power dynamic at play with age but also setting and influence. Bunny also mentioned Michael had been reprimanded for being “too friendly” around fans as young as 14. As an adult in my 20s, if I had a peer and friend my age who had a pattern of getting friendly with teenagers and minors of any age, that would be a huge red flag. Let ALONE a bandmate, a coworker or sorts – or technically a contractor level employee. I would see anyone like that as a liability I could not take the risk of associating with, and as a likely dangerous man to be around. That was an entire decade ago, and nothing was done beyond a slap of the wrist. On top of this, as someone who was Michael’s friend, I went to multiple Steam Powered Giraffe shows to support him. I also was apart of online fan communities as well. I saw how visible he was with his predatory “friendliness” towards young fans, and I saw fans gossip about his friends and give them a sort of adjacent celebrity status as well. While I was young and being manipulated myself and not in a position to prevent harm – I am saying this to state that I witnessed the public visibility of Michael’s predatory behavior. I take issue with the claim that there were no signs and that no one could’ve prevented this sooner. I’ve seen some fans say that Michael would’ve “always been this way” and found ways to harm other people had he not been in Steam Powered Giraffe. While this could be true, it cannot be denied that being apart of a successful band like Steam Powered Giraffe that gained a cult status online and in the local scene and had a significant YEARS of DAILY exposure in a family setting to minors, cultivating a fandom of a significant amount of younger fans, giving Michael the upper hand of minor celebrity and influence, travel, etc, cannot be divorced from this situation. This is not inherently Bunny or David’s fault. But it is a factor in the breadth of harm Michael was able to do, and it is a factor in knowing there were opportunities for him to have had the resources he gained and used to cause harm pulled from him much sooner than now, when he has already removed himself from the band as it stands.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed. As David and Bunny both lamented that they’d go back and stop things if they could’ve, well yes, to a degree, there were opportunities to prevent further harm, but it’s too late now. Now is the time to make things right, and to prevent the potential for further harm.

Currently – there is absolutely not enough publicly visible and available information on the harm Michael has caused on Steam Powered Giraffe’s social media presence. This is made worse by the fact that consistent promo and every day band stuff creates a wider and wider gap between the leftover posts about Michael’s abuse on Twitter, Facebook, and Patreon. It is now becoming a game of chance whether a fan of Steam Powered Giraffe will know what Michael has done. I have seen numerous posts and tweets from fans asking what happened, saying they are confused and in the dark. It has been less than 3 weeks since Bunny first tweeted about this, and it cannot fade to memory.

It is unfair and grotesque for fans of all ages, including children and parents of children, to unknowingly hold Michael dear in their hearts as an admirable, safe, kindhearted person – without knowing what he has done. It is unfair to not let people decide for themselves whether they still look up to him, whether they still admire him, whether they still support him. Michael’s victims cannot safely have a platform to speak openly about his violence without harming themselves by being exposed to backlash and being triggered by repeated exposure to their traumas out in the open. However, Michael’s victims deserve to have their voices heard, their grievances aired, and deserve to get some slight respite after years of abuse at least knowing that what they suffered is no longer a secret and people are not *unknowingly* offering praise and fame to someone who has done such disgusting and lastingly harmful things.

Bunny expressed that Steve and Michael got off “scot free” and that there was “no justice”. I am not advocating that SPG or myself or any of Michael’s victims be the ones to make any attempt at giving Michael consequences for his actions or enacting justice. However, Bunny and David can do things to make the burden of harm lighter.

Here is what I believe can and should be done, at the least, to do the right thing in this situation:

-SPG needs to make public statement(s) about Michael’s harmful actions on ALL public social media. Not just Patreon and not just the statements that have already been made. These statements should not be deleted.

-Michael’s likeness should be removed from all SPG’s media, within the realm of whatever royalties or residual contractual obligations will allow

-SPG should take a moratorium on normal fandom posts: promotion posts, art prompts, casual band updates on band specific pages. Every promo post, every art prompt, every band announcement will detract further and bury the information if not given the space and respect to allow the information to be seen and processed. The moratorium should at the very least last a week, if not more.

-I and Michael’s victims that I know would appreciate the original statement of harm reposted on Steam Powered Giraffe’s social media.  I remind David and Bunny that doing so does not make them legally liable for MY statement, and some fans who have read this statement have also directly encouraged SPG to repost. David and Bunny’s words cannot properly convey the direct harm caused to Michael’s victims. The victims deserve to be heard directly. Using Steam Powered Giraffe’s platform to make this known, the same platform that helped enable Michael to cause harm, is a respectful course of action.

-I also encourage David and Bunny to reflect on their role in allowing Michael to “get away scot free” in this. I have no specifics of personal accountability to ask of them, but I do encourage them to not focus on guilt or shame that cannot be fixed, but to really process this and do what they can to learn and grow from this and not allow the chance of letting harm occur again.

I know this was an extremely long post, and if you stuck through it all, thank you.

I hope that actions are taken in the right direction, and I hope I will have less commentary to offer on the situation in the future so I can focus on healing.