#these all still make me so angry LOL
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Indie books. Also, podcasts seem to have a lot of them? Which kind of proves that they are NOT mainstream, lol. You do find the occasional ace background character in bigger productions. They may or may not be aromantic coded, but it usually is not said out loud.
Funny thing is, because of aforementioned erasure, you will have to look very, very closely, or their asexuality and aromanticism will vanish into thin air. The ugliest one I can name is Jughead Jones, who in the comics has been confirmed asexual and strongly implied to be aromantic, and then when the show Riverdale - based on said comic franchise - started to air the next year, he was magically allo and involved in a lot of romantic and sexual nonsense that has been ALWAYS out of character for him. Still angry at that one.
I... could keep going if you really want me to. I was going to just put this in the tags, but now I'm railed up enough to make it the main post's problem. Just of the top of my head, we've got:
Sherlock Holmes keeps getting his queerness erased including any and all aroace readings of him.
Roshanna Chatterji in the DC universe exists but was only present for a short comic book run and they then only brought her back for one Pride issue or so. I didn't follow that closely to be honest. Marvel also has some ace superheroes in the comics, I just don't know a thing about them.
Alastor from Hazbin Hotel is currently going through The Drama because despite being canonically ace and strongly implied aro the fandom really REALLY wants to ship him with everything that moves. I don't think I've ever seen this many character x reader posts in a new fandom than I do now with him, it's ridiculous.
Then you have Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens going through it for YEARS, where people invalidated their relationship and general queerness because they didn't kiss on screen (DESPITE both being canonically nonbinary, but that's another discussion). THEN when season 2 came out those people continued to act as if that one kiss somehow confirmed their relationship despite that scene being about anything BUT that.
The Doctor from Doctor Who was completely desexualized and uninterested in romance in the classics, which lasted for 26 years. People generally read him as asexual, it sometimes comes up in discussions. From the moment that the show was brought back in 2005, they are put in CONSTANT relationship drama, especially with the companions who before have always been his friends.
The reason why you don't know any mainstream ace and arospec characters is BECAUSE of that erasure, both within the canon material and the fandom.
i find it incredibly funny when posts talk about erasure of aspec characters because bestie what characters are you talking about. i can’t think of one example on mainstream media, and i say this as an aromantic person myself. where are you guys finding canon aspec characters !!!!
#these all still make me so angry LOL#except for maybe Roshanna she was always a minor hero#OF COURSE DC COULD focus on their minor heroes instead of just showing more and more Batman down our throats....#but that's another problem#aphobia#asexual#aromantic#queer representation#asexual representation#aromantic representation
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Old redraw of an even older drawing ☺️ They are the father and son ever. To me (please don't tag as ship!)
#hetalia#hws america#hws england#aph america#aph england#myart#tea dad n coffee son#atlantic bros#that's the tag for their platonic relationship i think? delighted there is one 🥺#technically a repost since i originally posted it on my main 5 years ago but i deleted the og bc i got an angry ask for posting hetalia LOL#so figured i'd properly post it again here! i'm very fond of this piece still...#father/son england and america is my fav relationship in hetalia 😭💖 they are everything to me#this time it was hetaoni that dragged me back but they're often what gets me rotating hetalia in my mind again all of a sudden :')#this redraw is from 2019 and the original was from 2014.... the og's 10 years old now oh my god. time flies#even this one is 5 years old already.... mayhaps i should do yet another redraw of it. i will consider#on an unrelated note i finally got around to making my mobile theme a little nicer :) maybe i'll make an intro or something sometime
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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That trap has me trapped in a circle of frustration.
The most horrible thing about Colin's entrapment accusation for Penelope must have been the part where Colin had defended her against her mother when Portia accused her for trapping him. It had been a pivotal moment for them, he declared his love, she believed him and made their connection more profound. And then... he went and made the same accusation echoing her mother's words.
I mean...ouch.
And yes I get the parallels with the Marina scheme in his mind and his past trauma which was also connected with the Featheringtons (as I have written in a previous post saying how I understand where he was coming from) but that scene...what he said...sigh...
OVERALL...it had the potential for some great angst and drama and passionate reconciliation...
....and the fact that WE DID NOT GET IT just makes me so frustrated lol
Like we could have gone from Colin (I am ruining LW) to Colin sexy-ruining LW and becoming Lord Whistledown but no....we could not have that.
Okay...now I have to go back to read Book Colin and some fanfiction now.
#polin#bridgerton#spoilers#so frustrated I used KLAROLINE GIFS#DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FRUSTRATED THIS MAKES ME?#book colin would never#And if he would then he would get Penelope in a dark room and ravish her#He'd get all angry and dark and then worship her#Oh wait that is what he did in the book#Okay I still have the book lol
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I really like your nejisasuneji fanart!I think the similarity between Neji and Sasuke in Naruto is worth exploring. Both of them come from the pupil aristocracy, and their strength is about the same (the early Byakugan and Sharingan are both very strong), and both of them are rebels. Regardless of whether it was fate or the system, both people failed in the end. Neji still failed to escape fate and became a scapegoat. Sasuke finally compromised to the old system and ran around in order to maintain the status quo. It is very appropriate to use one sentence to evaluate the two people: "Those who try to control their destiny end up being controlled by destiny."It will be interesting for the sasuneji two to help each other: Sasuke helps Neji reform the Hyuga clan and break the curse seal of the caged bird. At the same time, the reform of the Hyuga clan becomes the beginning of the reform of the old system of the ninja world. Neji, who is no longer controlled by the caged bird, becomes Sasuke's right-hand man.
yesssss this is what drew me to them! i find it very interesting they are both clan prodigies with Baggage and both come from prestigious clans no less. remember when the sharingan and byakugan were compared to each other and it meant anything ever that was FUN.
i particularly enjoy the idea of contrasting them because If I Wrote Naruto (said every naruto fan ever) this conflict of like. sasuke goes on to be the one who could Not bear to stay in konoha and then later turns against it, vs neji who stayed in konoha after being promised that things would change (and they didn't. funny that) would be something to be explored! especially after Both having been seen as Shitty, Angry Prodigies. but neji "calmed down" after being made promises that weren't kept and sasuke didn't let himself even consider falling for stuff like that (until the ending of naruto lmfao)
i'm a big fan of characters who contrast like that lol and i think the whole sharingan vs byakugan thing is a very fun backdrop to that. like dreams/illusions vs reality/truth? come on now.
people joke about it a lot i've seen, but literally if neji as a character were allowed to 1. exist in a meaningful way at all in shippuden lmfao 2. interact with sasuke, i do think it'd be an easy path for interesting interactions, because like. having to defend the village who's literally never helped you, against the guy who was also Never given any assistance or support growing up, AFTER the village made you countless promises that your life would get better when it literally did not? lol. lmao even
them teaming up is sincerely on the like top 5 best things that would happen If Naruto Made Any Sense to me to be honest i do think about it a lot.
#dojutsu drama WHEN.#anyone here like pokemon black and white. its like in pokemon black and white. truth vs ideals coming into conflict then reconciliation#adn whatnot.#the hyuga storyline actually makes me so angry because it's full of potential and yet.#like making a character like neji and NOT having his arc end with him being free of the curse mark WHILE STILL ALIVE is like. INSANE#instead him dying to achieve agency just like his dad is a GOOD THING? OKAY. I GUESS.#and hiashi going on to be painted as a Redeemed Guy when the kind of power he can wield against the other clan members is like.Unforgivable#like even having that ability even if you do not use it is Evil it's an implicit threat lol#ive made up a better version in my mind (said every naruto fan ever) so now i adore them but his canon rs with hinata also made me So mad.#also ik its just for convenience but its amusing to me to call it 'nejisasuneji' bc that shortens to nsn and like#i Cannot compete against the sns brand first of all i will die. second of all they will kill me i am but one man with a dream.#not art#enjoy hte sasuneji infodump that rotates in my brain 24/7
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Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!
#shut up pu#I"ve had problems with insomnia my whole life so I'm sadly used to this#it comes and it goes#and right now it's in the middle of a big angry come#what do you mean that wording is atrocious??#it gets the point across#ordered a new screen for the draw slab so I've at least been proactive in fixing the problem#the only other problem is I hate drawing on brand new fresh screens too lol bad finger feel#only the middle screen is good for both fingies and pens#anyway the parts of chapter 3 I really love are coming up over the horizon#part of me does wish I would have tweaked the pacing of chapter 3 a little when realizing the usual posting schedule wasn't going to work#after real life delays all butted into production time bc chapter 3 was still paced for the 2 - 3 pages a week schedule#reading it all at once it still carries that pacing but I do feel a bit bad about the way it has felt at once a week#very occasionally twice lol#but I'm just a stickler for pacing so it bothers me personally probably more than it bothers literally anyone#knowing what it's meant to feel like on the proper release schedule vs. the slower release schedule is largely my own problem#and I'm feeling that extra hard right now because I'm having to do prep work for designing and asseting a new set#which saves a huge amount of time in the long run but slows things down in the immediate now#aka: I want to draw characters and story wahhh why am I making set pieces#also hey where the fuck's that stupid fox at he's even in the story synopsis write up where is he#get in the story proper you piece of shit#hello I am sleep deprived and rambling about comic production how are you doing
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!
Name: Neptune
Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Trident
Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)
Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.
Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!
Name: Triton
Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son
Pronouns: He/they
Age: 24
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Twin sai
Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)
Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.
Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.
Name: Otrera
Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 32
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Brass knickles
Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)
Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.
Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.
Name: Naos
Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Modified crutches
Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)
Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.
Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.
Name: Aitne
Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 27
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor
Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)
Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.
Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.
Name: Ariel
Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 16
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: Baton
Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)
Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress
Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!
Name: Maru
Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)
Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others
Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin
Name: Ahra
Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)
Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness
Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.
Name: Pipoltr/Pip
Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."
Pronouns: Whatever really?
Age: 8
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Giant lollipop
Ethos (Power): None yet!
Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.
Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#FINALLY POSTING THIS SET#there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right#i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found#but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol#his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol#the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw#also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters#i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all#hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW#also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif#but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them#omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not#i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque#also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult#and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol#and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before#bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things#like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical#otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit#the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type#aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake#but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side#and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!
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i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes
#like id beat my father to death with my bare hands if given the chance#and all those men for what they did to me#im so sick of ppl saying i need to forgive people who are not and never will be sorry. why should it be on ME to be the 'bigger person'#I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD WHEN IT STARTED.#im angry i never got to be a child and now its too late. now im 22 and just as fucked up as i was when it was still happening#i do not consider myself a violent person but thinking of what my abusers did all the time makes me so fucking mad#how can you do those things to a child & live with yourself. i dont fucking get it#i dont need to forgive ANYONE if i dont want to. the ppl telling me that dont even know All of what happened to begin with.#milo murmurs#csa vent#tw csa vent#csa tw#add that to being easily irritated due to ptsd and weve got a lovely mess here lol#im so tired of feeling like shit all the time but idk how not to rn#also. OBVIOUSLY i do not desire to commit murder. im just sad & pissed off that they got away w everything & i have to deal w it
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people will love anything if there’s a man involved cause how are there tsunekichi fans??/??/? his whole thing was being a skeeze even if you don’t like nana because she’s a murderer or annoying or whatever, tsunekichi didn’t care and proceeded to force himself onto her using the blackmail of the photos of her killing nanao and himself… like um hello LOL.
#he was gna rape her basically like are you srs#goddamn#and it’s literally all in your face too like it’s not smth you’d miss#nana is a murderer sure and you can hate that but tsunekichi still did all that like the fuck#ughhh guys#Man guzzlers make me so angry. Lol!!!!!
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body let me sleep pls
#logbook#went to rb a flower pic but then i actually read the descrip without my glasses even and uh. no lol#'the amazing expeditioners of an early century who totally discovered this flower before anyone else and also all on their own' wtf#just say its named after them not that they're amazing. going to go back to sleep a fucking plant post on tumblr.com making me mad#woke up bc ive been having literal hate dreams abt work and being angry and stressed abt work.#i legit have not stopped thinking abt work even when i clocked out. im soo. . .this week was so upsetting. truly.#im probably going to get up and go back to sleep later. take a nap midday#i really dont want to leave the house at all but i probably will have to go out and do some errands. yesterday i spent my whole day at rents#which. fuck me man now i have one day to get stuff done. its fine cause i did some stuff but still. im exhausted and havent had a day to me.#guess if i do stuff today then i just allow myself to rest after work this week. or i can run an errand or two the next few days.#whatever. hello im alive just mad abt it lol
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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me
#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM#are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't#this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss#and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her#i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad#i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW#if i can leave earlier i fucking will#i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast#i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore#and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now#and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be#but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall#i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL#i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings#no job is ever fucking safe to do that in#i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here#i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work#i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function#but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed#sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore#you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months
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I'm going on a ghost hunt tomorrow
#actually I need to check my phone to see if I still am#but hopefully I am because I charged all the equipment and packed it up#omg nvm these people are so annoying#like the third time they've made me organise all my equipment just for something to happen last minute#and it was THEIR PLANS#I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO BECAUSE I THINK THIS DUDE IS JUST CRAZY T____T#it's fine because I'm happy to stay home and draw but I'm angry they keep making me prepare all my crap like bro it's tiring#and I could be doing other things#but no I spent an hour gathering all my shit and making sure it was all charged and in its proper safety bags#also wanting me to bring my equipment but not wanting to drive me lol?????????#yknow what fuck u guys I'm gonna keep waiting for ghost people who aren't wildly unreliable lmao
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Who needs a diary when I pinpoint my exact thoughts and mental state when I read over my old writing?
#I havent read glory since posting#mostly bc I moved on from bnha rather quickly lol#got a review which made me reread and uhhhhh ma'am were you ok 6 months ago??#I still think Glory is a good fic and I really loved exploring baku's relationship with himself and others#but alsooooo#work was super stressful in december#hospital kept demanding we work more and more with heavier patient loads#I was also helping orient a new nurse who was er not picking things up quickly#I just felt this huge weight of responsibility I was failing to meet#guilt over not being good enough#angry at being forced into this shitty situation#all with a lingering awareness that I would turn 30 in 2023#and I can feel alllllll that and more through bakugou in the fic#I put so much of my current self into the story when I write#that uh I can feel it when I reread#sorry but MGM will likely never continue despite having ideas bc the lingering ANXIETY from covid makes it impossible to write
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I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----
my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt
shit 🫠
#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt#why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol#like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you#and i know damn well all of you know why#yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way#behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap#i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too#yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but#What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you#like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way#man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes#yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss#like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of#pathetic and idk until how long#can i keep on staying sane like this lol#im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me#but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are#w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.
'you gotta sing this softer'
'what'
'this is mozart'
'this is vitellia'
'this is mozart'
'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'
'this is mozart'
'i wanna murder a guy'
'this is mozart'
'...'
'softer. gentle. mozart'
'...ok'
#they're killing me here#i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS#THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here#i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get#it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not#but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out#WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps#are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye#grrrrrrrr im so angry#i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring#please understand my vision im begging you
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