#theres no point in trying to get better . i cant even get a second to catchy breath before something new flips my life on its head

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[yamikawaii]

whats fun is looking at the thread youre hanging on by and seeing where it's about to snap. whats even more fun is deliberately cutting through that thread because you know it'll just snap anyways so why bother clinging to it as if youll make it somehow

[raccoonfagdyke]

I don't wanna be alive anymore .

[funlovinzara]

Monster trio rejecting you Pt.3

‘Makeup’

Warnings: Fluff, arguing in Zoros part

———

Luffy

You and Luffy both talked and had a deeper understanding of eachother, you were in love but Luffy never experienced that nor did he know that was what he was feeling.

He truly did love you in the end, he never even knew he broke your heart in the first place.

“Y/nnnn come on come on come onnn. We have to go!!! You aren’t still talking to Ace are you?”

“No no im not, im coming give me a minute!”

You were still changing to head off on the ship, Luffy being as impatient as he was couldn’t wait. He busted into your room and snatched you out while you were still fixing your hair

“Lets go!! We…I cant go anywhere without you!!”

You both got off the ship and you see Luffy run off into the forest and quickly return with a weird looking flower in his hand.

“For you!!”

He places it in your hair and giggles, “you aren’t ever leaving me!!”

——

Sanji

Sanji decided to take the time to speak to you and apologize, Hes just now realizing that what he said didn’t respect a lady at all, he didnt know how to win your heart back.

Especially with brook being your new best friend, it rages him to see how more comfortable you are with brook than him.

“Y/n.”

“Huh? Yeah?” You turn around to see sanji standing a few feet behind you.

“I need to talk to you…im sorry about what i said. I think i do really like you. I cant see you talking to other men even a skeleton for goodness sake.”

“What.😨”

There was silence as you both stared at eachother

“What?”

“What.”

“Huh?”

“What-.”

All this time you’ve spent trying to get over him all shattered into pieces. Not that he isnt attractive to you anymore its just what he said was a red flag, but since hes apologizing its better than nothing.

You think its better to build up a better friendship before you get with him.

“We can try. But it wont be so easy for you.”

“Really y/n..? You’re sure right? What i said, i didn’t expect you to…”

You gave him a hug, it relieved so much tension. Now you both were on good terms and no one can get through the bond you two were going to build. As for brook, obviously your still going to talk to him! Hes your bestie!!

However he was a around the corner watching the whole situation, he gave Sanji a lecture beforehand. He didn’t think he would actually take action though. He is proud, and hoping things go well.

—-

Zoro

Hes furious at the sight, not that he cares but he does??

The man turns his head slightly and he sees that its..Trafalgar D. Law????

Hes even more ticked. He didnt think Law was a dangerous person but he didn’t want YOU to be around him.

“Y/n???”

He said loud enough for you and Law to hear, you both turn your heads.

“Ah Roronoa Zoro.”

“C’mon, were leaving.”

“What? No why?”

“Theres no point of us being here, we have to go back to the crew.”

“I…huh? I don’t understand.”

“What do you understand?” He says snapping back.

“You live up to your reputation, Zoro.”

“Shut it mushroom hat, lets go.” He forcefully grabs your hand and you try to wiggle free. “Zoro let me go!! What the heck are you doing-!”

You haven’t even gotten to exchange contacts with Law, luckily while you weren’t looking he snuck it in your pocket.

You both exit the auction house and you violently snatch your arm away from Zoros grip. “ZORO!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

All you get is silence from him.

“I cant be happy just for once, you rejected me and yet you’re pulling me away from my only chance of ever getting someone who will like me here!! What the heck is your problem??!”

“Y/n i cant let you do that because i love you. I look like a jerk i KNOW already. But i need you.”

This situation got even more weird. You haven’t completely gotten over him to be honest, but this was so unexpected.

“We can talk about this later. We have a crew remember.”

He walks up to you and looks into your eyes for a second before landing a peck on your forehead.

“I cant let anyone have you. Now, are you gonna take that number out your pocket or what?”

——-

IF YALL ASK FOR A PART 4 IM GONNA CRY.😭 this is the last part periodd

[rzyraffek]

Slashers with housewife s/o

(She/her)(swf) I was writing it for hour and it didnt save tnere is a lot of dialogue this color is slasher talking and this one is s/o. Its mostly written for fun Request open

Thomas Hewitt

P r o t e c t

He is triple cousious with his victims now! He would not forgive himself if one of them hurt her! And I dont thinl s/o likes gore so dont go near basement hon pls

*tommy vibing outside* "Uhhh Tommy? Theres some guy in livingroom" 🤨😨

Even tho she is hausewife he is hausehusband so yall Just vibe while cooking and cleaning

The Micheal Myers

"Micheal make sure to wear something under this jumpsuit, its cold outside!"

S/o getting him a phone and texting him every second he's out

Please Micheal stop killing people in our livingroom, this carpet costs more that my kidney

Once he gave her a knife he stole from some girl that tried to Defend herself

I can imagine s/o texting him stuff like "at 5pm u better be home, i made your favorite food" he will speedrun to home, he loves food

Collector

*phone rings at 3am* "Honey why you calling me, im at work?" "ASA THERE IS HUGE SPOODER IN BATHROOM HELP I CANT PEE" "omygod not again"

Due to s/o being often home alone (he is busy man) she will probably find some sort of hobby?(obviolusly) I can see her learning how to do crocheting. LIKE IMAGINE: "Asa i made you this cute sweater Look!" (There are to ways he will answer that) option1: "yeaah thanks that suuuper cute will wear it for sure"(never wears it) option 2: "what kind of abomination is that"(will wear it at work)

Bonus points if the oomgomgomg IF SHE MAKES SWEATER WITH MOTHS ON IT OR COCKROACHES (you know the funny gif with spining cockroach?yep this one) HE WILL LOVE IT(secretly) He would love to wear it to work but Hes afraid of destorying it (No, because imagine Arkin living in hell and the guy that tortures him for months just cames in cute sweater with cockroaches on it)

Yaujta

"??? Mate u mean u want to stay here and take care of nest while I go out??? I mean sure? Eem take care??" Confused af, like in his culutre both partners Hunt and tbh theres non long lasting relationships, only to make babis so it is weird.

He wants her to stay by his side 24/7 so he will be grumpy

But idea of her making amazing food while he is out just for him is too good to pass

Especally if its made of foods that he hunt, brings him pride

Imagine learning him how to use fork "nono honey u grab it like that and stab the food. Nono gently nonoo oh noo *break plate* "why use that when im litteraly apex predator hon imma-*eats whole plate of food with plate*

Billy lenz

F o o d

He loves food she makes

She hangs out in house so its win-win.

He will hug her alot and try to take her attencion from whatever she does to him!!

"Billy go help me chop carrorts for dinner!" *billy speedruning from upstairs* "🥺whar are carrots?"

Brahms Heelshie

"Mmm :) " "Brahms stop staring at me and help me clean kitchen' "yes honey :("

He does not rule in this relationship

He may act intimitading but He is just a shy bean

He does not know how to food, he will try to eat uncooked potato while shes not looking mmm forbiden apples

Hush man

Hes into that, prefers his wife to be like that

He loves picking her up and runinning arond hause

No matter how long yall are into relaionship he will be nervous before any dinner u eat together or be so happy everytime he sees her after he comesback home

Found it in my drafts!

[punkitt-is-here]

How can I cultivate the same, "just keeping making stuff all the time" kind of energy you have? It's very impressive and something I wish I could do!

well, theres a couple reasons i think! one is that i just found ways to be satisfied with small amounts of work. its in part because of my ADHD, but my parents were always trying new things (motorcycles, leatherwork, acrylic paint, collage art, photography, video editing) so that definitely rubbed off on me; i had a great example of people just wanting to try stuff. i keep making stuff all the time because i love trying out new things; you don't have to be an expert to try something new! you just have to have a desire for it! wanna make a zine? google it! wanna write a comic? give it a shot! wanna get into woodworking? buy a carving knife and find a stick or something! i think theres plenty of ways to find entry points into interesting stuff and you gotta let yourself be okay with making shit that sucks just because its fun. which leads me to my second point!!

im okay with being dogshit at stuff! i try new things, i kind of suck at them, and i think it's either 1. cool that i made it this far or 2. kinda funny that this is what its like at the moment. i know that sucking is never permanent, everything can be improved with time, and rarely does anyone ever magically get good at something first try. i think of myself as a talented artist, but its over the course of 2+ decades of drawing; im always improving, and no matter what im going to find things i want to get better at, so why fault myself now for not being perfect? a couple of months ago i really wanted to try woodcarving, so i made spoon with my dad. did it turn out great? not really! you cant even use it as a spoon! but im glad i tried it, it was fun, i had a great time with my dad, and now i know a little bit more going in next time. the idea that you have to be perfect or make tangible progress every single time you try something new is a recipe for burnout. i promise you, it doesnt matter if something doesn't come out like God's Gift to Humanity! Did you have fun? did you learn something? are you satisfied in some small part? good!

(pictured: tha spoon)

last, im just really easy to please myself! I'll make a doodle or implement an idle animation in my game or color a piece and go "wow! thats so cool i did that :)" and it really is just a matter of realizing that its fucking COOL to create stuff, no matter how small! whatever you made didn't exist before you, especially in your own unique way, and now it does! doesn't that rule?! i'm obsessed with it! even if its just a stick figure, its a stick figure you made, and it wasn't there before. thats fucking awesome!!! art is so cool!!!! i think that being happy with small goals and victories is a great way of trying out new things and showing off cool stuff u made, no matter what skill level. :) this turned into a whole big thing, but i hope this helps! tl;dr is try things if they seem fun, be okay with not being good at them, and find stuff about it that makes you happy or satisfied!

[xxkissesforchanniexx]

What do we think about a enimies to lovers / academic rivals with Jeongin?? But It ends good.. Ive been thinking about and It cant get out of my mind

𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

Pairing: college student!Jeongin x fem!reader Word count: 2.8k Genre: Fluff 🥰💖 >.> in a sense & Smut 🔥❤️ Warning: enemies to lovers >.>, they in college don't be stupid use protection, use of y/n with you/your, baby bread is jealous, i think i got it all??

A/N: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, theres a lot to go through in my requests and my computer wasn't working yesterday so I'll try my best to get all the requests out soon. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! - Khxndle

"I can do better." were the words you had grown to dread over the years you'd known Yang Jeongin. It went all the way back to the third grade when you were top of your class, and then Jeongin appeared, and just like that, he was the "smart kid." It wasn't bad necessarily, you had someone to talk to about school, someone who understood, until it was bad, and Yang Jeongin drifted away from you in middle school. That wasn't when you started hating him though, it was that spelling bee of 8th grade year, you were so close, he swore to you it was an "I", it was a "Y" and you blew the competition.

"Bradykinesia." The teacher at the table asked you.

"Definition?" You asked.

"Slower or difficulty moving the limbs."

"Bradykinesia... B-R-A-D-I-K-I-N-E-S-I-A. Bradykinesia."

"Incorrect. Yang Jeongin?"

He smiled, his thin eyes crinkling. "Bradykinesia. B-R-A-D-Y-K-I-N-E-S-I-A. Bradykinesia."

Your eyes widened as you turned to look at Jeongin.

"Correct. Yang Jeongin will continue to the district competition."

You never really spoke to Jeongin after that.

You sighed deeply as you walked into you literature class, second year of college, it had been about four years since you had last seen Jeongin and even longer since you had a friendly interaction. As you sat down and the seats began to fill in the classroom you scanned the room for a bit. The sound of a notebook slamming down to your right made you jump, you turned to see a very cute boy with light brown hair and chubby cheeks.

"Oh, did I startle you?" He laughed lightly. "Sorry." He sat beside you, "I'm Jisung."

You nodded with a small smile, "y/n."

Jisung smiled brightly past you, "Jeongi-"

Your jaw dropped, Yang Jeongin stood at the door, he fixed his glasses and looked at you. "l/n y/n..." He smiled at you with all the care a chainsaw had to wood.

Jisung looked between you and Jeongin. "You know each other?"

Jeongin smiled as he sat on the other side of Jisung, "I know her very well."

It had been several weeks since the start of your literature class with Jeongin, and he was relentless. If you answered incorrectly, he was the first to correct you before the teacher could even say you were wrong, during learning games, it was always him a few points behind you, only to answer the final question faster just to watch your face fall as you placed 2nd. Jisung noticed after a while and asked what the problem was only for Jeongin to reply with a "She's the problem." and you to reply with a "The idiot to your right."

As if your life couldn't get any worse, Jeongin had a wondrous looking 98% on his 6th week report while you had a 97%.

"I can do better, I gave you ample room to pass me." he teased as he waved the paper in your face.

Jisung smiled sheepishly, showing his 74%.

You collected your things and checked your watch.

"Where are you going?" Jisung asked.

"Study date." You said.

"With who?" Jeongin raised a brow.

"Christopher from the theatre department." You picked up your bag.

"Does he even-" Jeongin started.

"He did literature last semester." you smiled. "Plus he's cute."

Jisung bounced his eyebrows comically.

Jeongin bit his lip. "Hm. Okay."

"Anyways, bye bye."

Jeongin looked at the desk for a minute, he could do better than Chris to help you study, who was Christopher anyway?

"Jeongin..." Jisung leaned in and smirked. "I smell the bitter scent of jealousy..."

"Huh-"

"You're mad she's going to ask Christopher for help studying,"

"What? No." Jeongin replied quickly,

"Why not just offer to help her?" Jisung tilted his head.

"Who in their right mind helps their rival?" Jeongin grabbed his things and started leaving.

"You know I'm right!" Jisung shouted after him.

"Nuh uh!" Jeongin shouted back.

Come the 12th week check, you and Jeongin were tied. He bristled as you proudly announced your 98% during lunch break, his grade hadn't changed.

"It's thanks to Chan." You smiled to yourself.

"Who is Chan?" Jeongin's brows furrowed.

"Christopher." Jisung said sipping his coffee.

"When did you start calling him Chan?" Jeongin stared at you.

"When did it become your business?" You shot back.

He sucked in a breath and huffed out hopelessly. It wasn't his business, but it bothered him that you were relying on some theatre major.

"Y'know, frat boys are having a party next weekend." Jisung looked at you, "Of course, being the such good friends, Chris and Felix are, I'm sure he's going."

You shrugged. "Don't have time for fra-" Your phone buzzed and you looked at it.

Channie😵‍💫 01:37pm My friend is gonna have a party, be my plus one?

You looked at Jisung. "I might just have time."

Jeongin glanced at your phone and his fist clenched. "I'm going." he said and looked at Jisung.

"Oh my!" Jisung smirked.

"Shut it." You rolled your eyes and smiled at your phone.

"You ready for the test tomorrow?" Jeongin nudged Jisung.

"What test?!" He practically shrieked.

"It's a miracle you have a C." You sighed.

"OH HELP ME STUDY!" He started pulling out books and vocabulary sheets.

"I'll he-" You started.

"Jisung, let me help you, I know the material better." Jeongin smiled at you.

You narrowed your eyes and looked at your phone, quickly replying to Chan:

You 01:43pm Sure :)

The test the following day was difficult, you even saw Jeongin looking confused, but you somehow finished with a 86%. As the students filed out of the class with the lunch bell you sighed.

Jeongin looked over your shoulder, "There isn't ever going to be a day you pass me is there?" He smirked.

You wanted to smack him. "I didn't study as much as I should've."

Jeongin's brows furrowed. "What were you doing with Chri-"

"As I said before, he's cute." You shoved the test into your bag and stood, Jeongin looked at you and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something.

You looked at him waiting for him to say anything and when he didn't you made a face and left him alone in the classroom. It was when he saw you joining the well built man with dark hair and that stupidly charming accent in the hallway, he knew he was screwed.

It was the night before the party and you were knee deep in clothes from your closet, searching for an outfit, any outfit.

"You could just go in jeans and tee." Jisung said from where he lie on his stomach on your bed in your apartment, looking up from his phone and kicking his legs.

"You could just look more masculine." You teased, intentionally throwing a hoodie over your shoulder to hit his face.

"Hey!" His eyes narrowed and you chuckled softly. He looked at his phone again and sat up, "I have to go."

"Already? You just got here." You glared at your friend. "Who's gonna help me pick an outfit!?"

"Ask Hyunjin," he sighed, "I have to go see Minho anyway."

"Why?" You raised a brow.

"Who's gonna help me pick an outfit!?" he retorted.

You threw another hoodie at him as he left. You sat on your bed and picked up your phone about to text, Hyunjin to come over when you heard a knock at your door.

You groaned thinking Jisung must've forgotten something, another knock. Who was at your door at 11pm on a Friday without texting you first? "I'm coming!" You shouted as you walked to the door.

You opened it and made a face at the man at the door, his eyes met yours and you started to close the door.

He put his foot between the door and the doorframe. "Can I talk to you?" Jeongin sighed.

"Sure let's talk." You opened the door and pulled out your phone scrolling for Jisung's contact.

He grabbed your phone. "Can you not talk to me without Jisung keeping the peace?"

"I'm being peaceful." You huffed grabbing for your phone.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He asked, holding the phone out of your reach.

"Is that even a question?" You jumped for your phone and he somehow managed to push you back into your apartment, closing the door behind him and keeping you from stumbling.

He stared down at you. "Is it that I have a better grade than you now?"

You pulled away and tried to get your phone again. "No."

"Is it that I annoy you too often?" He held the phone between two fingers as far away from you as he could.

"No." You jumped for it and he grabbed your hand.

"Is it that I'm always in your business?"

"Ooh!" You mocked shock, "You're getting warmer." You said rolling your eyes.

He made a face. "You can't seriously still be on about what happened in middle schoo-"

"So what if I am?!" You snapped.

"It was years ago, what are you five?!" He shouted.

"You know wha-" You started. "Wait! How the hell did you get my addre-" You remembered how quickly Jisung had insisted on leaving. "JISUNG IS IN ON THIS!"

"Listen." Jeongin sighed. "Let me explain."

"What is there to explain?" You stared at him condescendingly, "That you love comparing yourself to me because I'm not as smart as you? That you were so desperate to be "the smartest" that you just had to lie to me and make me look like an idiot? That you just hate the fact that I'm so close to passing you after trying so hard?! No! I know, you really hate the fact that I'm not acting like everyone else and asking you to help me in litera-"

"Yes!" Jeongin yelled. "Why are you going to Christopher as if I can't help you?!"

"Why am I OBLIGATED to ask you for help!?"

"Because-" He hesitated and closed his mouth, breathing deeply for a moment. "Forget it."

"What?" You stared at him.

"I said 'forget it'." He handed you your phone.

You stared at the defeated look on his face and opened your mouth to say something.

He moved for the door before you could get the words out and you grabbed his arm. "Tell me."

He turned to look at you.

You felt your face getting hot as he spoke.

"Don't go with Chris."

"Why?" You muttered, taking a step back.

"If I tell you, will you still go?" He took a step toward you.

"Why?" You asked more persistent than before.

"Because I don't want you too." He whispered, walking closer.

You took another step back and you felt the wall against you back and tensed. "Why?"

"I don't want you to get involved with frats at all." Jeongin rested his hand on the wall beside your head. "I would prefer you sit and read "Things Fall Apart" with me. I would prefer you tell me about your day like you did in elementary school. I would prefer you talk to me, let me explain myself." He looked into your eyes. "I don't want you to get involved with those frats because I want you for myself."

You stared at him with wide eyes.

"I hate it that you would trust Christopher over me. I hate it that you would consider asking someone for help before me." He bit his lip. "Because I like you, I don't want you to be with anyone else."

You opened your mouth to speak.

"No, I'm not finished." He shushed you. "I was stupid in middle school, I was dumber in high school. But I want to try for you, because I know I can do better. I want you to be with me. I want to prove to you I can do better than Chri-"

His eyes widened as you kissed him gently. "You talk too much."

His cheeks went red. "I-"

You raised a brow. "What? I thought you were going to prove you were better than Chan."

Jeongin smiled and kissed you again. "I'm going to prove it. Let me enjoy myself for a minute."

You giggled as he peppered kisses all over you cheeks.

"I'm sorry for how much of an ass I've been."

"Prove it." You said looking up into his eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat at the sly grin on his face, "Come here." He swept you off your feet, "Where's your room?"

"First door on the left.." You whispered.

He carried you in and threw you gently onto the bed before climbing over you. "You're really pretty, you know that?"

You blushed as he leaned down and kissed you deeply, his tongue wrestling with yours before he finally gained entrance to your mouth, groaning softly at the taste of you. His lips moved from yours to your jaw where he bit gently.

You gasped softly.

He smiled against your skin and sat up, tugging at your shirt. "Can I take this off?"

You nodded and looked away as he removed the shirt. "Take off yours?" You gave him the most innocent doll eyes, he rolled his eyes and removed his shirt, before kissing your collar and chest, you squeezed your thighs together at the feeling.

His hands moved behind you. "Up please."

You lifted up a little and he quickly removed your bra, lowering you back down slowly, he took a moment to admire your chest before kissing your breast and working his way to your nipple before taking it into his mouth. You whimpered as he sucked at it, rolling the other between his fingers before switching. He smiled as he saw the way you rubbed your thighs together.

"Up." He grabbed the waistband of your pants as you lifted your hips and pulled them off your legs. He smirked down at you, "Chan ever see you like this?"

"N-no..." You stuttered, covering your mouth.

"Good." He sat got on his knees to admire your pantie clad sex for a moment, looking at the wet spot. "He doesn't ever get to see this, okay?" Jeongin looked at you.

"Okay." You nodded.

He smiled. "Take this off." He tugged at your underwear and you moved to help him remove it. He didn't give you a moment to prepare yourself before his mouth was on you, licking wide stripes of your cunt. You moaned and grabbed his hair. He hummed contentedly into you, the vibrations send sparks through you. He grabbed your thighs and kept them open as he started sucking at you clit, his eyes flicking up to see your face every few moments. He pushed a finger into you.

"Jeongin! Innie!" You squealed tugging at his hair. He moved his finger slowly and tentatively added a second

You moaned and squirmed. His mouth on your clit and his fingers was too much. "I'm going to-"

He pulled away. "No."

You whined. "Why would you do that?!"

"Wanted you to come on me, not in my mouth." He stood again and removed his pants.

Your already red face went redder as he moved over you.

He kissed your cheek gently. "I wanted you for so long..."

"You have me, what are you waiting for?" you muttered, looking down at him, he was decently thick, but he looked so long you felt your stomach turn.

"Oh, nothing." He leaned down to breathe in your ear. "Stop looking at my dick like you want to eat it or I might just make you."

You blushed furiously, "Yang Je-" You moaned, eyes fluttering shut as he pushed into you.

He groaned softly into your neck, "So tight. I'm going to cum if I move..."

"Move." You hissed, opening your eyes to glare at him.

He sucked in a breathe before propping himself up on his elbows. He gave an experimental thrust and smiled as you moaned and wrapped your arms around him. He pulled out again and thrust into you a few more times, before he began moving into you confidently, kissing your throat and muttering sweet nothings into your ear.

"Chan can't do this can he?" He muttered against your lips before kissing you.

You moaned and nodded.

"Only I can make you look like this." He pulled back and gripped your hips, fucking into you harder. "You're not going to the party anymore?"

You shake your head, "N-no, I w-won't go."

He hummed happily and slammed into you faster.

"Innie! Innie! I'm coming!" You gasped out.

"Shit!" He moaned as his hips stuttered. "Can I come inside?"

You nodded mindlessly. "Come inside!"

"I love you." He whispered in your ear, he rubbed your clit and forced you over the edge, you moaned loudly as your walls pulsed around him, nails digging into his back. Jeongin followed close behind, he bit your shoulder to muffle his cry as he came inside you, his hips canting slowly before he fell onto you.

You held him for a moment and whispered. "I love you too."

[the-s1lly-corner]

Masky and Hoodie x new proxy!Reader who's really shy and doesn't think they're cut out for the job? It can be romantic or platonic, I just want those two hyping up the reader!

Masky and Hoodie x new proxy!reader who doesnt know what theyre doing

hissshisss im only on my second post of the day and my hand is already cramping hisshiss i will!!! do the responsible thing and take breaks notes: reader is gn, can be seen as platonic or perhaps even them having a crush on you cws: canon typical violence and death

MASKY

he takes to watching you a lot of the time in the beginning, mostly to see what you can and cant do. what youre good at and what youre not good at... though to be fair, him staring at you from the trees only makes you more nervous

he corrects your form when youre trying to practice something- youre holding your knife wrong, or youve balled up your fist wrong for a punch... you dont want to break your thumb do you?

will take your hand in his and fix your fist so its proper, its such a tender moment... until he tells you to hit him- afterall its hard to spar when you dont have a partner

hes tough on you but he does care for you, he doesnt speak much but he tells you if you did a good job chasing down and finishing off someone who wandered into the woods.. or got a good hit on him when you two were sparring

HOODIE

hes never too far off when youve been sent to search through something or to go kill someone- hes a lot more sneaky than his fellow proxy

doesnt talk at all and hes quiet, theres been at least one instance of him seemingly appearing out of no where and scaring you.. you need to work on your stealth too, and hes more than open to give you some pointers

lingers around a lot, too, you may not see him but overtime you realize that hes always there

if youre having trouble with your current weapon of choice he finds something else thats better suited to your skills and needs

will also spar with you, though hes not as intense.. he leaves weak points and openings just for you if youre having an off day... sometimes.. afterall, if you dont get better you may end up overpowered by a victim and killed

[ma3mae]

No one likes syringes!

Summary : You gotta take your weekly syringe but you're afraid of needles so how can these mfs (Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Aku, Chuuya) convince you to take it 🤷

Genre : bit cracky and fluff, prob lots of teasing bc u know who tf im talking about 💀

Warnings : heartattacks bc we all simp too hard for these men 🛐 maybe a bit of suggestive themes at the end

A/N : managed to inject myself for the first time (aint no drugs, need them bc HEALTH) and bro, my hands r still shaky bc fear 😭 how do ppl do this so easily 💀 also the syringe is like a pen (also for this story) but broo its still scary and i need some bsd character comforting me 😩✋✋

Dazai Osamu

Lets say yall live together and hes at work while u r home alone

cant bring yourself to do it alone bc bro syringes are scary (even if its just a pen bc NEEDLES BRO) 😩😭

So you text him and ask what hes doing and tell him if hes got time to come home asap bc we r nearly crying at this point

hes gonna be SO ANNOYING like "i was just waiting for a text from you~ dont worry, your knight in shining armor will save you"

BROO he prob knew that you gotta take them today and also knew that nothing would be going on at the agency so he couldve stayed at home but nah 😭😭 (sadistic a** fr fr)

but hes still hurrying nonetheless bc hes not that MEAN -right???-

arrives at home and finds you on the couch holding the pen with shaky hands and his heart does feel a TAD bit guilty bc fr he couldve stayed at home and u would have gotten this shit over asap

gon be all like "dw im here now, okay? Lets just get this over with and then we'll cuddle, how about that?"

homegirl is about to cry at this point bc just FREE HER from this misery

sits next down to you and takes the pen from your hands

If you do wanna try it out yourself, he'll gently guide you through it

He knows how afraid you are and teasing would just make you sob instantly bc the pressure is already too much to deal with YEAH U BETTER STFU U TEASE !! jk still love him

will try to change your mind tho by sayinf stuff like "Really? ~ i mean its brave and good of you to try it yourself but I really love helping you, you know. Want to do everything for you, darling." he knows EXACTLY what hes doing to us by saying that

Is prob gonna give us that look and whisper in our ear and shi im sorry im too down bad for this man at this point 😩

if you dont wanna do it yourself then, he'll tell you to look at him while hes pressing the pen onto your thigh or stomach

You still cant keep your eyes off of it? Sry girl, theres only one solution

He'll just click his tounge at you while having that fking smirk on his face as he says "still too distracted, I see? Well seems like theres only one way to help you"

gives you a kiss on the lips and just deepens it while looking STRAIGHT into your eyes got my knees weak for him fr

you only feel a tiny sting and as soon as a "click" is heard, he'll break the kiss and just grins at you as if he didnt trick you lol

but who are you to complain, he sees that you liked it and will def comment on that

"see, love? Wasn't so hard after all. But you still did well. Proud of you as always"

pecks you on the lips again before setting the pen onto the table and wraps his arms around your waist bc NO WAY in hell is he gonna let go after that

"i think i deserve a reward for that~" "you said you were waiting for a text so you KNEW i had to do it today, right?" ".... welp, not gonna apologize on that 🤷🤷🤷"

u can understand why kunikida has to SIGH all the time as soon as dazai opens his mouth but oh well, you're too whipped to care about at this point

wont let you go so guess you'll have to reward him 💅 no ones complaining LOL

if you tell him to help you next time before hes gone for work, he'll def do it bc he loves u but poor kunikida gotta expect him arrive at work late more often bc he wont leave home without rewards 🛐

Kunikida Doppo

You already know that he got the exact day, hour, minute and SECOND written down on when you gotta take your pen

You tell him that the day is enough and that the time doesnt matter but NOO 😤 YOU WILL take it at the exact time

If its at ungodly hours like 3am or smth, bro he'll wake you up like no mercy for his schedule 😭

If u complain to him tho then dw he will rearrange it for u bc he may love to stick to his plans but he wont ignore your needs and stuff either get urself a man who takes care of u like that 😤😤

will prefer to do it before work, so if you're not an early bird then he'll wake u up but dw you'll get a forehead kiss and bro's already fully dressed n' stuff BUT waking up to him looking at you with such a loving gaze will make u forget that its 5-6am or smth 😩

will first let you get up in peace and make u some calming tea bc he knows what will come next ✋

"Y/N, I know you don't like it but you have to take your pen today, okay?"

if we start a tanthrum then he already knows about it like bro's prepared for everything!!

"Kuni, do we really ha-" "Yes." "But you know I dont li-" "Yes and yes. I know you hate it but don't worry, I've already written everything down on how to do it and what to be aware of so its okay to feel afraid but don't worry because I'm here. Nothing will happen and I've already bought your favorite snacks so you'll feel better but dont eat too much of it when I'm gone. "

u already know he spent a night or smth just researching everything about it as soon as you told him

prob even went to a library and once came back home with multiple books in his hands, hes THAT dedicated UGH I LOVE HIM 💕

you could just sob rn bc how did the earth bless you with this man KUNIKIDA I NEED U 😭😭😭

If the pen is kept in a fridge then dw he already put that shit out for it to not be cold anymore (prob counted the minutes and seconds LOL)

he'll sit you down on the bed or couch, disinfect the place on where you'll take it (lol that sounds WRONG) and he'll give you a peck on your forehead before asking if you're alright and ready to go through with it bc no way in hell is he gonna do it while you're too shaken up for it

If you wanna try to do it alone then he'll take your hand into his as you're grabbing the pen, slowly guiding it while praising you for how brave you are for trying this and that hes proud of you IM SOBBING

will also tell you to look at him if you get more afraid by seeing it on your skin

Honestly even if you dont wanna do it yourself, he'll make sure to be there and will praise you every time you get through with it bc you KNOW he means it

Honestly makes you tear up everytime and u just wanna kiss this man fr

you thank him and tell him how glad you are to have him, he'll be smitten even more than he already is

Cup his face with your hands and kiss him bro's gonna find it really difficult to not stay at home and just be in your arms

at the end of the day, his love for you exceeds his ideals so he wouldnt mind arriving at work some minutes later if he gets to have you in his arms for a bit longer

Will arrive at work with such a good mood that hes prob gonna freak dazai out with it especially when he overlooks some dumb remarks from him the power of love YALL but who can blame him, his heart is thumping louder than dazai's rambling LOL

maybe yall will continue when hes back home, who knows 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

Nakajima Atsushi

when you told him about the pen for the first time, he was literally thrown off like "wait, so you have to.... stab yourself regularly with that?????"

hes just SO precious bc his heart's squeezing at you asking him if he could help u bc you just feel so comfortable and just knowing that makes him SWOON

But at the same time hes panicking bc HOW CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING U

Ngl hes prob also afraid of needles and stuff 😭 is gonna look at u like the pic above LOL

will ask yosano or even recommend that she should do it but you're like "NO!! im sorry, tsushi but im too scared of her and i feel safe with u :(((("

you got him WHIPPED and DEDICATED bc he'll def research that shit through and through

Will ask his coworkers (prob kunikida) how to best handle the situation

has everything ready but will stumble and be kinda hastily about it at first bc hes prob even more nervous than you are 💀

either it implifies your fear more or its just so ridiculous that you're legit like "ily but im not gonna die or smth 🤨🤨🤨" you cant blame him tho 😤

hes gonna be all like "OKAY OKAY, we got this. No, I GOT this s-so no worries, okay?" bro, BREATHE. Hes just about to pass out at this point jk jk

if you decide to try it out alone, he'll be a bit saddened bc does this mean you dont want him to help you after all?? :(( was he not good enough of a choice to be of help :((( TSUSHI STFU ILY

dw just reassure him that you obviously appreciate his help and still need him to be there bc no way in hell can u do it alone without ur hubby

will tell you everything he had learned about the pen and how to use it with a bit of a tremble in his voice but he pulls through with it!!

You manage to do it and BOY get ready for a rant on how proud of you he is

will want to pamper you with kisses on ur face "tsushi, i know that look. Go ahead and do it, dont hold back" "really, y/n!!?" "😩 bro do it ok" will try to hold back with gluing himself onto you but how can he NOT

If u dont wanna do it urself then it will prob go like this:

its time for yk what and he sees the genuine fear in your eyes but dw he got you

hes prob gon be like "my s/o need me rn and i have to help them!!!" hes actually gonna remember everythinf he looked up and prob memorized for you bc hes AN ANGEL will put his forehead against yours and tell you to look at him "i wont let anything hurt you and happen to you. You're afraid and honestly im afraid too but you and i will get through this, okay?" gives you the most lovestruck smile ever before he looks down and counts to three

"breathe in, y/n. It will be okay" he ignores his slightly trembling hands and at the count of three inserts it. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER📸📸📸

as soon as yall hear a click, he quietly counts to three before pulling it out and BROO the relief is refreshing af

"WE DID IT, Y/N!!!" Is hella giddy bc how can he not be proud of the both of you!!!! You did it!!! will honestly pull you in a hug bc hes just so happy

prob gonna realise that he just did it without asking u and will be sheepish all like "o-oh sorry, i just got too excited" "no tsushi. We should be happy about this so dont let go!!" no need to say it twice bc hes gonna wrap his arms even tighter around you and nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck ILL GIVE U A KISS TSUSHI 🛐🛐

will he feel bad for arriving at work a bit later? Maybe but a scolding from kunikida wont hold him back from holding you for a tad bit longer

He'll be a bit less nervous for the next times and it will surely decrease with each time bc practice yk but will obviously still hold you until he made sure that you're feeling okay afterwards

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Bro's nearly flabbergasted bc why are you making such a FUSS 🤨🤨 im sry dont sue me

"Calm down, you idiot. It's only a pen. You dont even SEE the needle."

dont ask him why hes staying with you if its JUST a needle then bc bro will prob just straight up get up and leave if you point it out 💀

will prob be the first to not even suggest but just TELL you to do it yourself aku im hurting over here 😩

will prob make an effort in atleast roughly skimming through a website about it prob smth weird like wikihow LMAO

If he does see you how afraid you really are of it, hes rly trying his best to ignore the small ache its giving his heart bc he takes no pleasure in witnessing u be so afraid✋ its still JUST a pen in his eyes at the end of the day lol

will just sigh and snatch that shit from your hands bc he cant bear to see you like this any longer are we looking that pitiful, probably LOL

But he'll be surprisingly soft with his touch, nearly just ghosting you with his hands is that even a term, nvm yall know what i mean

Hes just gonna be straightforward with it bc the faster its over the better. He wont admit that he just wants to help but cant convey it bc what even are feelings 🤷

He'll tilt your chin towards him and just say "Look at me, Y/N. Stop overthinking it. You won't get hurt from this stupid thing, okay? If smth does happen, I'll just destroy the factory thats making this."

You dont know if hes joking to lighten the mood or if hes serious bc its aku

But hes prob joking

anyway hes gonna ask you like smth rly random like "What do you wanna eat later" which will confuse you but you'll answer nonetheless bc hey hes initiating a convo!!

as you start to talk and he notices you're relaxed enough for him, welp yk whats happening

Actually makes you wince a bit bc it just caught you off guard

"Ryuu, what the f-?!" "Just bear with it." ok we have been silenced 🛐

yall hear the click of relief, he counts in his mind to three and quickly pulls that shit out

you're slightly trembling from relief from finally getting it over you and bro just clicks his tounge like "You're such a fool. Cant believe something insignificant like that makes you nearly shit your pants."

you lowkey glare at him for that bc BRO needles r spooky 😭 but dw before you even open your mouth to tell him off, he'll look to the side and say "... You did good for holding that out though... but its still stupid."

just give him a peck on the cheek or smth bc this boy is prob craving some praise after having helped you like that

"Thank you, Ryuu. I couldnt have done this without you. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for"

Give him a tight hug, kiss and boom you got him around your finger

he'll take a second to wrap his arms around you and will just hide his face in the crook of ur neck like our other boy tsushi

"Of course, I'd help... I'll still blow up the factory for scaring you like that."

"NO!!" jk he wont if u tell him not to but hes just trying to say he doesnt like seeing u like that we know aku, dw 💕💕

if his coworkers ask why hes arriving a bit later at work, he'll just tell them to shut up and continue with their work

If you look closely you'll see his ears turn a bit pink as he keeps thinking of you and your words 💕💕😭

Nakahara Chuuya

Honestly its gonna be a mix of every reaction possible I think

Like if you tell him about the pen, hes first gonna feel a bit pressured like "O-Oh wait so you want ME to help with it??"

Like no offense hes obviously feeling pretty happy about that you are asking him for help especially for smth important as your health

But he knows hes not the most gentle person and does have his worries that he might accidentally hurt you or smth

wont ask anyone for advice bc its his love of his life can i be that pls that asked HIM so he'll do it at the end of the day!!

but if hes feeling rly unsure then he wont mind slipping a question about it when hes reporting to mori

which means being not subtle at all

"So was that all for today's report of the mission." "Yeah." "Then do you need something or why are you still standing there?" ".... *pulls out a picture of your pen* do you know how to use this?..."

you def know that chuuya's feeling so embarassed that hes asking his BOSS but its a sacrifice hes willing to pay

mori will have mercy on him and tell him what he should be careful of and summarise on how to use it

Will prob throw in a "good luck~" bc how can u not TEASE him

anyway our boy's done his research and now comes the hard part

"Okay, dont panic Y/N." "HOW CAN I NOT WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME" "JUST DONT PANIC, FFS"

dw as soon as he sees you trembling, he'll be softer than a marshmallow

a chuuya one

"Oi, look at me. I'll make sure nothing's gonna happen to you, alright? Will just sting a bit and thats it. Will take care of you after this so you'll forget this ever happened."

HOW CAN U NOT SWOON AT HIM 😩😩

he'll even take off his gloves so you'll be more relaxed if you can feel his skin bro the gloves are giving off doctor vibes in this scenario, will make us panic more LOL

if you really cant keep your eyes off it then well....

"Damn it, love. Stop looking at it." will just press his lips onto you for a second before breaking it and inserting that shi*

"Ch-Chuuya!" "I know, i know. Dont worry, its gonna be over real soon."

And boom thr click is heard and yall are finally done

Honestly his shoulders are gonna relax instantly, boy was tensed up even more than you skskskks but who can blame him

"OMG chuuya we did it!!" "Yeah, you did it, doll." bro's gonna latch onto you again bc that kiss from earlier wasnt enough for the both of u 😩

is it riling yall up? Probably but welp you 're already either shirtless or pantless so only one clothing to pull off less work for yall

Mori's just gonna be like "I see, you managed to get through it" and chuuya just tiltd his fedora down so u cant see his face bc he REALLY wants to ignore that his boss knows whats been holding our boy up cant blame him 🤷🤷🤷

***************

Lol that was WAY too long but honestly this was so good to write 😩 now im just gonna be sad that none of them r here to do it irl but oh welp, will just read more stuff about them ✋💅

[arsenicosises]

things to do when u realize u feel shitty

so i have alexithymia (emotional blindness or challenges in recognizing, expressing, sourcing, and describing one's emotions) and i often dont realize why, whats causing me to feel that way, or even if its mental or physical shittiness. so here are things i try to do to reset.

so the first step is obviously realizing the feeling at first, is your brain making you feel bad about yourself? do you feel like theres no point in doing things? do you feel stuck? or has there been any drastic change in energy in a short time? these may look different for you, but learning to notice even something as small as do i feel Good or Bad, you dont need to get caught up in what specifically it is.

FIRST and foremost, medications. did you take your meds? vitamins? please do so if you can. if you've missed the time window that you are meant to or cant for another reason, no guilt please, its ok we all forget.

move! change locations. even if its just where you are sitting in bed from one side to the other and sit up if you can. i try to move to my desk chair. sometimes just sitting up can change the way you feel drastically.

this could also mean move as in take a walk around your room, stand up on your phone instead of laying down.

do a Task, or Activity. copy a journal spread from pinterst even if it takes like 3 hours. write some lists, make a bracelet, play a game. focus on something you like. very cliche advice i know but its great to allow yourself to do something you like.

get a snack/water. unfortunately hydration is important even tho its annoying. make it super cold, put some lemon or mint in there if you want. its all about making it a) more fun and b) different sensory experiences. if you are hungry go down a mental list of most to least effort meal and find what you can do (cook from sratch, add stuff to ramen, eat it plain, get a handful of nuts or fruits, etc)

open the curtains/blinds, let the outside in a bit. even if its dark out open them and look around and close again.

face feels gross? do some level of skincare, exfoliate your lips and put on some vasesline, brush and floss your teeth (love floss picks). if you have bangs wash them in the sink.

if weather + mental permits, go outside. even for 2 seconds to look at it

shower=full reset and rebirth. not a bath, a shower. let the water hit you and soak your hair. do as full of a shower as you can. use so much moisturizer (if you can) with a scent you love. sensory goodness is very helpful. this usually works for me to pull me out. often the reason why i feel shitty is actually just me not realizing my hair is dirty, or i need alone time, etc which is acheived by showering.

aligned with that, put on new clothes, either comfortable and lounge clothes that are good sensory, or you need a new fun outfit because you have been wearing the current one for too long and its irritating you in a way you dont notice.

clean something, same as the food go from most to least effort and find out what you can do. organize 1 drawer or your whole house. my go to is usually rearraging my bedside table top and drawer. because for me thats where i keep things like my journal, headphones, letters from friends, body butter, etc its a chance for me to help future me access this little self care station.

make your bed so you have a clean cozy place to lay and sit, unfortunately a made bed is more comfortable

in general, treat yourself like a littel guy, talk to yourself like a toddler even if it feels silly, the part of you that feels bad is basically a toddler throwing a tantrum tbh. silliness is often a precursor to feeling Good. these things feel so so hard but each time you do them despite feeling bad it will get easier i promise you, you will get good at what you practice so practice trying.

if all of these things seem too hard, or you cant do them, the main thing is thats ok too. and if you dont feel 100% better after doing these things, that is also ok. the truth is some days things will be hard and that is your body telling you to relax, or sleep, or that it just wants to have an off day. no day is wasted if you are still here to see it.

(a lot of these tasks can be made easier by doing prep when you are feeling Good, which is part of the reason why i made this list, but i might do another post on prep stuff. )

[kroosluvr]

sorry i feel bad for ranting on """Main"" i guess though i kinda keep this more of apersonal blog than a very polished art blog thing. under the cut

things wld be easier if i was just an oc-centric artist (which i kinda am but only to myself in my head) but it Is how it is at this point (i want to draw my ocs more but they never turn out the way i want) and theres just so much i want to draw for the silly little media franchises that happen to capture my stupid little heart and etc.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh ifeel stupid for loving too much or whatever. i dont want to throw a pity party over this either because in the end its just "who cares LOVE WHAT U LOVE DRAW WHAT U WANT" right but in the moment i feel stupid and it sucks and i hate it actually!!!!!!! and i WILL in fact keep drawing hwat i want and what makes me happy but like idkidkdidkgkhw

sometimes i cant help thinking if i was a better artist.,, like more artistically skilled........ would people really say the things they do about the things i draw

^ (Authors note: no one has been mean about the stuff i draw just. side comments i guess lol. from my friends though and not random people . so its harder to just brush off i guess)

like maybe im just not good enough yet. which is fine. spite is actually a really good drawing proponent. but its also just like . when will it be enough to be worth it? will it be worth being my friend now if im a good artist? if i draw what you want? ...........................

its obviously not discounting the people who really enjoy my art style adn what i draw regardless (which im soooo so grateful for bc i never like expect anyone to stick around sicne my fixations change like the wind) but its like... these r the people i spend the most time with . and it sucks. i have to. second guess what i say and what i type and just. ok like i know its not that serious either but i hate it i really dont like it (<- im also just socially anxious if u cant tell)

and its also like i cant just extract myself from my friend group for a while to kinda cool off (read: muster the courage to be an idiot in front of them again) bc ummmmm um i dont have many friends . they are kind of all i got. (which is nice i like small circles(?) im not good at opening up to people.) and i do admire and like them very much but then i just feel like i get bit in the ass all the time (This past month) with shit like this i guess

and honestly like. well half the reason i keep switching fixations is BECAUSE of stuff like this where i feel self conscious of """"Being obsessed"""" over One thing so much so i just immediately switch tracks so fast but its just a cycle (Which i dont see as a bad thing tbh? it keeps my art moving and things fresh so like.)

And honestly i dont really try to . be too vocal about. fandom? stuff? when im with my friends? unless they bring it up first? i got burnt so many times with my vtuber interests so like lol ive Learned. but maybe it slips out too much? bruh. my bad i guess

i have to stop thinking abt this man.., why has this happened to me so many times this past month lol its kind of ridiculous

(Im sure they dont like. mean it. right? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, if they actually meant it and want me to shut up then they should just actually say so right.,

i just want to draw . its not going to stop me from drawing but damn does it really like rain on my parade or put a dent in my fender or whatever other sayings that i cant think of right now

in the end i really REALLY appreciate frm the very very bottom of my heart everyone that even remotely likes/appreciates my art (especially the persona stuff nowadays bc thats what im mainly pouring all my mental and physical and emotional into) like i really really mean it. because this stuff like my silly comics and stuff is really stuff i make for purely my own heart and just what i want to see kinda. and so it just makes me feel really warm that people also want to see it and keep seeing it and love it and everything like that. and, with all this kind of negative stuff going on i just go back and reread tags and comments and stuff and i feel encouraged to keep going and draw more and everything like that. so like really, truly, thank you. i really never thought so many people would like the stuff i make. even if its not really artistically good, or really deeply interesting, im really happy it could be something special to people out there

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

I cant stop thinking about the bmol experimenting with Sam and thanks to @trials-era-sam confirming our hc with Sam's addiction (thank you Jared!!) i just had to write this-

"Names Sam. All we need are names." Toni repeats, tapping her pen against her stupid little notebook.

Even if Sam wanted to, he can't give her want she wants. He doesn't really know that many hunters to begin with, let alone all the hunters in the whole of the united states. Who does she think he is?

She sighs dramatically and puts both her pen and book down on the old table next to her, uncrossing her legs and standing up, taking a few steps closer to Sam.

"Fine." She muttered, "we'll just move onto the next phase, since you're choosing to be difficult."

She starts fishing around in her blazer pocket, in search for something, and Sam can tell she found what she was looking for when a small smile pulls against her lips and she slowly withdraws her hand out, holding what looks to be a small vial?

Sam tilts his head to try and get a better look at it. Is it another drug to induce hallucinations? A truth serum? Who knows what they've invented over across the Atlantic.

Toni scoffs at the confusion displayed on Sam's face, and holds out the vial for him to see, holding it up triumphantly as if she won a race or something.

The first thing he notices is how red it is. He stares for a few more seconds until he realizes, and he can practically feel all the air leaving his lungs.

They've been keeping tabs on him for a good 12 years, they know pretty much everything about him. He doesn't know why this didn't occur to him sooner.

"No." He practically hisses at her, his mind flooding with the pain of detox already. Although he doubts he will ever make it out of here, and hes kind of already given up trying to escape. Whats the point? Dean is dead, Cas will be fine without him. Lucifer is out there roaming free, theres nothing for him anymore.

He's completely content with these british people keeping him here.

But eventually he'll have to detox, he always does.

He can feel his heart starting to pick up pace.

The first detox was bad enough, but he can start to feel the panic raising at the thought of having to live through that now, what horrors would haunt him in his...less than stable state.

He doesn't know what he'd do if he has to see Lucifer or the cage again.

What atrocities would his mind conjure up this time?

He finds his mind rushing back to all the less than pleasant experiences in his life. How it felt to have an archangel inside of him. He thinks that’s why he didn’t realize Gadreel was in him for so long. In comparison to the searing pain of the literal devil in his body, some run of the mill angel was like a tick. Hardly worth his attention.

Toni clearing her throat snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up at her again, and couldn't hide the fact that his hands were shaking.

"Sam," she began "you have made less than ideal choices in your life." A pointed glance towards him. "But, that doesn't mean you still can't be utilised. We as men of letters firmly believe in sufficiency, and your way of...terminating demons is much faster than any excorsim that we have on hand. Don't you think?"

Sam thinks that his heart is going to give out with how fast it is pumping. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears. The year of shame and regret with Ruby and all his mistakes crashing down on him.

"Please." He pleads, looking up at this awful woman through his wet hair. "You don't know what you're doing." He tries to reason with her, but with that glint in her eye, he knows shes not listening to a word he's saying.

"Cmon now Sammy, you can't tell me that you don't miss it." She exclaims, a soft undertone to her voice, as if shes trying to be understanding towards him. Sam scoffs.

And hangs his head in defeat.

They've burnt him, shot him, cut him up and probably broken a few ribs if his pain is any indication. He has no doubt that they will hesitate to do this to him too.

Hes just glad Dean won't be here to watch him turn into a monster again.

Everything Dean told him during that year comes rushing back as he clamps his mouth shut tight. He knows that this will happen to him with or without his consent, but he won't let it happen without a fight.

After all, she isn't Lucifer, he doesn't have to lay down and let her do whatever she wants to him. Hes allowed to fight back. And for Deans sake, he will try.

Toni notices Sams jaw muscles working, and sighs like a disapproving mother whose toddler just won't listen to her.

She roughly grabs Sams face and lifts his head up, making him look up at her.

And although his face is rock hard with determination, pure fear is flashing in his eyes.

He doesn't want to go back to that. To that feeling of desperately needing more and more.

Hes fought so hard against his addiction for so long now. Why is this happening? Chuck must think his life is a joke to do this to him.

But, he keeps his mouth closed tight as Toni tuts and pinches his nose closed, staring down at him patiently.

He hopes he's strong enough to let himself pass out before his mouth inevitably opens to let in air. At least then he could say he tried. But he knows the human body, he knows that when survival insticts kick in, he won't be able to fight it.

But he closes his eyes and tries to stay calm as toni pinches his nose tighter and grows more annoyed.

He starts to count.

Hes gotten to fifty seconds when his lungs really start to hurt.

67. His head has started to spin.

89. His teeth hurt from how hard he's clenching them.

92. He can feel the presence of the vial hanging above him like a carrot on a string. Patiently waiting for his mouth to open like they both know it will.

107. There are spots dancing behind his eyelids. He knows his body will betray him soon.

He lets out a silent prayer at second 115. Begging for someone to help him.

He wonders if Lucifer can hear him.

121. He gasps.

Before he can even suck in some precious air, the vial is being shoved in his mouth, and the metallic taste of blood on his tounge is the only thing his senses can focus on.

Its okay. Dont panic. He just has to spit it out like he did before. No biggie.

He ignores the way his body yearns for it. To swallow it. He ignores how his muscles are remembering how powerful they used to feel. He ignores how his throat is trying to gulp it down, actively working against the only rational part of Sam's brain.

The smell is overwhelming. The taste practically irresistible.

He doesnt have to swallow it. He doesn't have to let her win. He doesn't.

He goes to spit it out. Toni sees. She acts quicker than Sam can even realise.

She's pinching his nose again and roughly keeping her other hand over his mouth. Making sure that he can't possibly spit it out and cutting off all access to air.

Meaning he'll need to swallow it to be able to gasp for air.

He looks up at her with tears in his eyes. His head starting to spin again from lack of oxygen. He shakes his head softly, once again begging her not to do this to him, even though he knows this grovelling will get him nowhere.

She looks down at him with no emotion in her eyes. Even the smile on her face has faded. She just seems a bit bothered now. As if Sams resistance is just a small inconvenience to her.

He'll have to swallow soon. She knows it. They both know it.

Eventually Sam finds his throat working against him and swallowing down the sweet sweet blood.

As it goes down, he gasps out and Toni removes her hand. A satisfied smile on her face.

Sam, on the other hand though, couldn't be more disgusted with himself.

He would start crying if there was any liquid left in his body. He can already feel it. Feel the power thruming through his veins. He can feel his body yearning for more already, protesting that it wasnt enough.

He starts to shake. Silently sob. He cannot believe that this is happening to him again. That he has to go through this again, and all for what? Because some british people want to study him to see how he works and then do who knows what with him?

He starts sweating. Even that tiny amount enough to bring back a pretty severe addiction.

Toni sits back down looking smug. "How do you feel, Sam?"

He glares at her, although how effective it is with his shaking chin and dried tear streaks on his cheeks, he doesn't know.

"Alright." Toni nods at him and starts to make her way back up the stairs.

Sam starts to freak out, but refuses to show it. Not at least until she leaves the basement.

Theyre leaving him here. For how long? Are they going to make him go through detox now? Study his symptoms? Wait for him to start begging them for some more? Maybe, if Sams lucky enough, it wont be that bad, since it was only one small vial.

But he can already feel it. The way his head feels like it's getting squashed between two rocks, the way his stomach is rolling like he's about to vomit, the way his limbs are shaking quite violently.

Sam is never lucky. And this is going to hit him hard.

He hopes it doesnt get so bad that he starts begging for more blood. He'd never forgive himself if he fell that far.

He wishes Dean were still alive.

[sanchoyo]

just finished echoes of wisdom!! (MAJOR) spoilers under the cut for my initial, very fresh thoughts. Lots of them

the outfits were so so cute. kitty outfit was a big hit for obvious reasons but I also loved Silk PJs and OG princess fits (dress and traveling one... <3) theres apparently a blue version of the dress and black cat outfit you get from amibos but I wasnt 100%ing and im not buying amibos just for that (even tho I would really like 2 have it akdsfk) a+ accessory designs too!!

great character designs, insanely varied for the gerudo and goron designs between every npc!! (probably the best gerudo designs to date IMO)

fav echoes were Hoard of Crows (me siccing like 6 crows on enemies) gold wind up bird u get from dampe (btw fun new role for him!!) bc I Liked Fast Money, lv 3 lizalfos (BLUE BIG BODYGUARD FOR ME) and lv 3 darknut. also obviously teddy bear. was throwing it at NPCs i liked all game

really enjoyed how many enemies returned from previous games!!! and diving!!! diving finally came back!! (LOVED the zora area, had a lot of fun with the pirate ship area over there too)

what was up with that one optional boss that was like a sentient fart. that was weird and I suspect he was supposed to come back and then I missed him on the second go around LMAO

the hebra mountain storyline had me in TEARS i was spawning teddy bears at that dude to try to make him feel better rapid fire (this did not help. sad) i was hoping i could find his brother and make him go back ;_; (cant recall the dudes name but that was the same species as the ones from twilight princess, right?)

the way i leveled up my swordfighter form SO much expecting to use it in the final boss fight and then had to give link his shit back and was unable to use it in the final fight?? INFURIATING. docking points on the rating for this game just for that shit. why give me the option to level up my sword and energy if not let me use it again null??? AUGH!!! I WANTED TO FIGHT TOO!!! NOT JUST USE ECHOES!!!

link and zelda both having to fight evil versions of each other at some point was kind of slay tho (also us having to come rescue him from the crystal? also slay) fanfic writers please have them jumping at mirrors and also seeing each other for a while tho, great concept

the final boss had me really surprised, i was 100% expecting ganon to show up or be the final boss (HE WAS ON THE POSTER...AND COVER ART...) but he was just another echo?? so where did null get that echo, exactly? was the ganon at the start that kidnapped zelda the real one, then link killed him and null echoed him from there?? unclear

null was a great final boss conceptually tho and i 100% hope they use them for future games. eldritch horror wasnt what i expected but thats AMAZING (putting their disappointing, sort of chaotic, but not hard final boss fight aside). very scary. very cool. walking around in their insides(??) to get to them (??) was awesome. love when cute games get a lil dark. adds flavor. cool new lore!!! cant wait for the lore implication theory videos to come out (do we think null is stronger than demise?? I decided I Do think so, demise is a Demon and null is some huge cosmic horror, feels like the scales tip to null being stronger...)

why was everyone at the end so shocked at what link said. whatd he say that had them shook i need to know (was it that he could talk again?? wasnt that a temporary problem from being in the void lol??)

need more games to play as zelda now. loved it. best loz game to come out since botw, maybe actually ranks higher in my mind?? (could be recency bias ofc, but it checked so many boxes for me) really fresh concept, my only real gripes are how the final boss fight played out (GIVE ME MY SWORDFIGHTER FORM BACK!!! LET ME SLICE!!) and the dang echo menu being 234234 miles long...the sorting features were nice, but still, needed a better menu for that in general. i scrolled 30 miles in the snow uphill etc.

also barely any of the ost was super stand-out to me, which (like. it was FINE but given how good the music in cadence of hyrule was they shouldve brought those guys back to do this music tbh. that game had me spoiled on good loz remixes. I stand by the fact it has probably the best ost in ALL of the zelda games.)

i LOVED the puzzles and dungeons. missed them soo much in recent loz games. i LOVE PUZZLE!!!!!!!!! none of them were too hard and it also wasnt too hand-holdy. perfect level of makes me think but not Steam my Brain type stuff.

smoothies were cute and really fun to play with. the deku scrubs were SO cute (they all used they/them too i think. based) all the CATS!! WERE SO CUTE!! just really appreciate how cute everything in the game was in general. the fact i could chuck teddy bears at enemies. best game actually

cant say i was crazy about any of the mini games but none were super hard once you had the froggy item. it felt like cheating a lil bit to use it but that was one of the items I wore until the end (along with my cute heart bow of COURSE. cant be saving hyrule if you aint cute)

fav NPCS were hebra mountain guy (conte??) the gerudo chief's daughter (she really felt like zelda's sidon, but not annoying <3) and general wright surprisingly (I really enjoyed how loudly supportive of zelda he was!! he was like YEAH OUR PRINCESS IS SO STRONG SHE CAN FIX IT AND BEAT THOSE MONSTERS!!! LETS GOO i loved that energy for us)

saying goodbye to tri destroyed me. I was crying real ugly tears. (I started thinking about my dog and saying goodbye to him last month and how much tri's speech reminded me of what I told him AUGH. its still fresh and hurts but this was somehow really healing to play. like this came at the perfect time I think)

thoughts subject to change once I watch other people's playthrus and listen to theory videos and think on it for a while but rn? solid 8/10 game (and I only docked points for the dang end boss fight really, REALLY good game up until then)

[hawkshuah]

okay um, rant of the month

todays rant is about:

what a "weird kid" is in general and why theres so much misinformation about what it revolves around on to even get that title

also. PLEASE don't attack this post. i know weird kids are on tumblr, and this is no way directed towards them.

okay. i have seen a bunch of posts that literally piss me off for absolutely no reason, but when was being in fandoms "weird"?

like. i'll see things like

"fandoms im in: batim, undertale, gravity falls, fnaf, ect!! (i know im a weird kid!!)"

or

"me being a weird kid bc i like gravity falls and fnaf"

or, the most popular one:

"you were a weird kid if you watched/played these in your childhood: undertale, batim, cuphead, gravity falls, fnaf"

when the fuck did being in fandoms make you a "weird kid"

let me just explain why i got the weird kid title, and its definitely not because of fandoms.

(these apply to me, not everyone, i will explain everyone in a second.)

people ask why you do certain things in offensive and rude ways, resulting in bullying

from that bullying, you get tormented for the rest of your school years, people even following you home to doxx you because your so "different"

hobbies you cant keep anymore because they dont make you normal

if you look any way different from the whole edgar or stanley girl personas and styles, you'll get recorded and posted online

you still keep 2 blankets from when you were 1 years old even if its old and ripped up and makes you look stupid

getting class titles and nicknames that stick with you for a long time

when you have weird routines you can only do at your house and you overthink that you'll lose everyone you love if you do them anywhere else even if you think it makes you comfortable

realizing the only people that will make you feel better are people with similar situations

doing "disgusting" habits

being yourself.

theres an insane amount more i couldve added.

these are things that DONT make you a weird kid

fandoms that you think are different from others

cool bands you like

doing art digitally, traditionally, or forms of art in general

having your hair dyed

being a goth, alt, hippie, ect

these unfortunately do not make you a weird kid. theres more too i could list, but i wont.

being a weird kid is hating the title.

you dont "call yourself a weird kid" to make friends.

you dont want to be weird or different.

because apparently, weird = bad.

you try to stay away from it, but its something you cant.

you get the weird kid title from being called it by people who are "normal"

you dont call yourself a weird kid to find other weird kids. its interests YOU enjoy to find other people who like it. which, is fandoms.

fandoms are communities supposed to make you express yourself and share things you like about the fandom

if your in the taylor swift community, you wouldnt openly say your a weird kid or they would find you different.

the point is to not be different.

if your in the fnaf community, you would openly say your a weird kid, right?

no. its just finding other people who like the same stuff as you. not finding actual weird kids who suffer from so much bullying and weird habits that they dont call themselves weird kids, they call themselves different. they hate different.

you may hear sometimes "everyone is different!"

yes, but we hate being different because its hard to not care.

some people have it different and view it different. you can be confident on the outside, and depressed on the inside.

its horrible.

[lizzyaka]

HAIII ITS ME THE ANON!! im ngl i genuinely gasped when i read your rentry and saw tsh and yttd in the same line like those two are such mismatched interests i never expected to see anyone else like them both 😭😭😭

I GET YOUR ATTACHMENT TO SHIN BRO. Also based on your yttd faves i have a feeling you went thru all the stages of grief with the bio-siblings revelation…… idk just a feeling hehe. NO BUT YTTD MAKING IT SO ONLY ONE SIBLING GETS TO LIVE WAS SO??!???? i never emotionally recovered from that . regarding my yttd fav i’d say its shin but it has been so long since i played the game i barely know his character anymore ;;;;; lowkey i also fw almost all the floor masters. midori/sou was my bunny corcoran back in the day (in the sense that theyre both problematic-ish characters that the fandom hates but i enjoy their character guiltily)

and for my tsh faves oooh boy… as u can see by my username… richard and bunny are so deeply personal to me . theyre not favorites in the “i love them ❤️ my scrunklies” way but in the “I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM” way. like i am fully aware they are horrible people but as characters??? Theyre written so well to the point i cant help but think about them every second daily

beware of the shin tsukimi to richard papen pipeline!!!! this may be reaching and i fear im mischaracterizing shin (you are free to correct me on this. let out the inner shin fan out) but if you squint real hard….. theyre both liars who pretend to be someone theyre not and theyre also both pathetic losers (i say this very affectionately) who are just trying to survive (what is richard even surviving from. he is nawt in a majority vote death game)

i have yapped too much i apologize </3 i appreciate you defending bunny from the allegations actually we need more bunny defenders in the fandom (and less francis fans.. cough) . i dont have any specific questions about yttd bc my memory of that game has gotten foggy sadly but we could always talk about yttd to jog up my memory of it !!!

NAURRR DONT BRING UP 2-2 im gonna be honest w u i have played yttd a total of 7 times (this is so embarrassing i want to crawl into a hole and never come out) and 2-2 has never once failed to devastate i cannot express just how badly it affected me. last time i played was over a year and a half ago im trying to forget as much about it as i can so i can replay the whole thing w fresh eyes when 3-2 comes out but i doubt thats gonna be possible since i fear the only person in the world who knows yttd better than me is nankidai himself. I promise ur jaw would have dropped to the floor if u had met me 1-3 years earlier i cant stress how bad the obsession was, theres a couple of people who follow me here who knew me then who can testify😭 it was actually bonkers i ate slept and breathed yttd

I CANT STAND THE FLOORMASTERS BROO i heavily fw rio ranger and safalin BUT THE REST? BOOOO midori actually makes me sooo fucking violent sorry hes by far my least favorite😭 i can see why u like him trustt i just have a vendetta against him

AND I KNOW WHAT U MEAN ESP W BUNNY bro won me over im not sorry. Yes hes awful yes he would borderline hate crime me but i stand with bunny what can i say

[mylarena]

hey i was writing a whole post/drabble type thing abt it (as i do) but i havent worked on it in a bit.

anyways. soap who can cook very well but cannot bake, and ghost who can bake very well but cannot cook.

the scenario is soap trying to bake for his ma or something but he keeps burning it to hell and ghost, a neighbor in the apartment building, is sick and tired of all the fucking noise soap is making at 4 in the fucking morning. so one day when theres a particularly loud ruckus and theres a fucking smoke alarm going off, he decides that hes going to put a fucking end to it. so he gets up, stalks his way to soaps door, and knocks.

when soap opens the door smoke floods out and he looks bedraggled and covered in flour. ghost, unprepared for this particular scenario, just stares at him for a second.

"kin ah fuckin' help ye?"

"..."

"look, if ye don't have-"

and ghost just points behind him where something has visibly caught on fire in the kitchen.

"your kitchen is on fire."

"AH SHITE-"

and soap proceeds to rush to the kitchen. and ghost fidgets for a second but then the fire fucking flares and hes kicked into Fucking Fix This mode and very efficiently and quickly puts out the fire. he also takes the muffins out of the oven. theyre both charred and still liquid in the middle, which hes not entirely sure is physically possible.

soap thanks him but ghost just fucking. goes "stop being so fuckin loud."

and soap just

"im baking!"

"baking?"

"aye, the muffins!"

"those arent fucking muffins, mate. those arent even fucking edible."

and soap flips his shit and eventually it ends up with him saying 'you do better, then!' and ghost is like. i dont have to prove shit to you. which soap immediately takes as him being a coward about it.

after arguing for a bit, ghost leaves. and goes back home. and he reeks of smoke.

so he tries to wash the smell away, gets ready for work, and goes about his day. but he cant get that stupid fucking scot off his mind. and his dumb challenge. so he finally gives in and makes some fucking muffins and sets them on a plate im front of soaps door with a note that just has a little skull doodle on it or smth. and the next night theres another racket and ghost gets up and goes back to soaps place to find him in a similar situation to before except this time hes covered in batter.

ghost is like. what the FUCK are you even doing???

and soap says he was inspired to try making muffins again. he doesnt say it was because of ghosts bomb ass muffins and ghost doesnt realize it either but that's what it was.

this continues for a few more times until soap demands he teach him how to bake and ghost refuses.

but he gives in after soap actually fucking burns his arm pretty badly and he had to treat his arm.

ghost decides that soap is too fucking dangerous to be left alone to bake by himself. so he says he'll teach him but he Has to listen to all his instructions and cant fuck around.

soap agrees.

but soap is also a horrible student. he gets too distracted listening to ghosts voice instead of listening to what hes actually saying.

eventually after several sessions soap makes something edible. and hes fucking ecstatic. ghost is proud of him but he doesnt say that, just something about them not sending him to the ER. but soap can see it in his eyes and the slight crinkle by his eyes, knowing hes smiling at least a bit underneath that facemask he always wears.

at some point ghost wakes up and opens his door and sitting in front of it is the same plate he gave to soap, with homemade muffins sitting on it once again. the note on the page has a smiley face and a little soap bar doodled on it. ghost eats the muffins and theyre probably someone the best hes eaten- not for the taste, but for the fact that theyre made by johnny.

btw at some point soap finds out that ghost has been living on ramen and takeout for all of his life and that he cant fucking cook. so he starts teaching him how.