#theres a lot I didnt cover

[youngpettyqueen]

finished Warchild today!! thoughts below the cut

tldr: loved this book a LOT

this book was GREAT for Julian character exploration. he's my favourite little guy, lets get that out of the way first- Julian is amazing in this book, and I love love LOOOOOOVE Esther Friesner's take on him and how she wrote him. this book is set between s1 and s2, so this is Julian in the early days of his character development, still so young and desperate to prove himself, overflowing with emotion and passion, and UGH its all so fucking good. he's grappling with self-doubt and insecurity, while at the same time also doing some of his best work as a doctor, fuelled by desperation and the need to do whatever he can to help. he works himself to the bone until he literally faints. he gets so angry on behalf of the suffering children and he doesnt give a flying fuck who he's talking to when he unleashes about it. he cries over losing a child he had a bond with, Belem, actually CRIES- something I dont think we ever see from him in the series. the raw emotional vulnerability from Julian in this book is just. so good. god. I could write an essay. his brief romance with Jalika is bittersweet, and while it is a bit shoehorned in, imo, it does showcase how Julian falls hard and fast and with reckless abandon. fantastic depiction of the character, fantastic exploration of him as a doctor, seriously I cant praise this book enough for so wonderfully capturing Julian's character in every single way

also of note. this book was written prior to Doctor Bashir, I Presume? even airing, coming out in 1994, and yet we still get some fantastic implications about Julian's family. his internal narration of his family is derisive and he avoids thinking about them, and he thinks a bit about how he was raised in higher society among politicians. also also, there's a specific bit where he mentions how his parents boasted about him only enjoying "the finest dining" as a child, and it was a cover for him just being a picky eater. considering what would be revealed later, about Julian being neurodivergent and/or disabled, I found that to be an interesting note

Julian rambling out of the way, my absolute favourite thing about this book is its depiction of Bajor. this book truly doesnt hold back in depicting just how dire the situation is on Bajor. we're still in the early days of Bajor being liberated, and it isnt a pretty picture. Friesner strikes a beautiful balance between the unflinching, raw depictions of the refugee camps, the desolation, the dying children, and the brutal, honest depiction of the government and its failings. this book follows DS9's example of depicting characters who did what they had to do in sympathetic lights wonderfully, and you find yourself sympathizing with people who do terrible things because they've been driven to such a breaking point. the failures of Bajor's provisional government are truly highlighted, garnering more sympathy for the people in these camps, the people who aren't getting the help they so desperately need. it makes no attempts to sugarcoat or soften anything, forcing every non-Bajoran character's eyes wide open at the same time it does the readers. its a POWERFUL book in that regard, and I found it deeply compelling and difficult to put down

another highlight for me is the Kira and Sisko dynamic. this is still early days for them, and they butt heads constantly. the trust they come to develop isnt quite there yet, and Kira isnt afraid to let Sisko know exactly what she thinks, and she isnt afraid to do so as bluntly as she sees fit. in the same vein, I love the dynamic between Sisko and Bajor here. its strained, uncomfortable, Sisko cant seem to ever do anything right because every choice he makes makes somebody angry. Sisko really just cant catch a break in this one. he's either dealing with Bajoran representatives who are never pleased, or he's trying to track down Julian who's gone AWOL, or he's dealing with Quark. he truly cannot win

Kira's scenes in this novel are FASCINATING also, as they explore her faith and where it clashes with her duty. we see so many facets of her character- the hotheaded rebel fighter, the major, the soft and gentle motherly figure, the proud warrior. I love that shes fully in support of Julian going AWOL and backs him up. I love that later shes conflicted about it because she believes so wholly in the prophecy and the Nekor that she wants him back to be able to cure her. I wish we got more of her in the novel, I especially wish we got more from her POV, I think it would've really benefitted the story and the furthering of character relationships. still, im satisfied with what we got

Jadzia gets some great time to shine as a scientist in this one. I love the teamwork between her and Julian, and the emphasis placed on what a great team they make. theres a very cute scene where he makes a big breakthrough and grabs her and dances around with her and its like, one of my favourite things ive ever read. but she seriously gets to shine so much in her work in this one, there would've been no vaccine without her, and she does everything she can to further her research and her work. shes working herself to the bone as well, even if shes better at dealing with it, and her lifetimes of experience really get to take centre stage. wish we had some more of her, like I do with Kira, but also like with Kira, im satisfied with what we got

the original characters in this novel are great. Belem was devastating, the various Vedeks and representatives made me grind my teeth, and Cedara and Dejana were just. so fucking good. Cedara and Dejana felt so REAL, they were so interesting to read, heartbreaking and hilarious all at once, and so so charming. I saw the reveal with Cedara coming, and I loved it. I could read a whole series about her, a wild child with far too much placed on her shoulders, desperate to protect her little sister and her home. I like to think her and Julian keep in touch, and they visit each other, and he helps her out on her path to becoming a healer. then theres Jalika, who I did enjoy, but definitely felt the weakest of the introduced characters. I wish we got more time with her, and I wish there was more exploration of her beyond being the kind and gentle healer. we get a brief glimpse of her being quite capable of being deadly, and fierce, but only the brief glimpse. still, she was compelling, and her and Julian's brief romance had an ending that packed a surprising punch considering how short it was. really felt for both of them with that one

overall, this book was a solid read that I thoroughly enjoyed. I'd highly recommend it to anyone wanting more content about Bajor, and anybody who wants a really good Julian-centric story that pushes him to points we dont get to see him pushed to in the series. its a devastating read at times, but also hilarious- seriously, theres a scene with a hologram of Dukat dancing ballet in a pink tutu. what more can I say

[heartorbit]

mira monday is upon us

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Hey, what's your fave Gabe fanart you've encountered?

Also I am very sorry about your inbox and the incident with the gnome piss anon

- kneeboiler anon

I CANT PICK JUST 1

FAN ART BLAST

https://www.tumblr.com/floating-goblin-art/709166360142495745/stgeorgepng

https://www.tumblr.com/phantom-nisnow/741235083170742272/la-danse-macabre

https://www.tumblr.com/milkymolle/740989211045478400/ecstasy

https://www.tumblr.com/hrokkall/728480077455785984/death-spiral

https://www.tumblr.com/themachine/710891941071667200/heaven-is-a-place-where-nothing-ever-happens

https://lutik327.tumblr.com/post/715977424211427328/blood-palace

https://www.tumblr.com/meiuya/713341420451381248

https://www.tumblr.com/celerys0da/731227260594651136/posting-some-old-art-rn-while-im-working-on-my

https://www.tumblr.com/spaccadt/727733278955765760/autism-creatures-comeback-as-an-allergic-person-i

https://www.tumblr.com/that--unusual-person/726328632488951808/for-2lim3rz-thank-you-for-your-services

https://www.tumblr.com/muzzleroars/725847053766377472/ecstasy-of-the-profane-form

https://www.tumblr.com/cultofthorns/723233440180371456/reversed-viscera-and-wrong-parts

https://www.tumblr.com/fmab/725428933070307328/catharsis

https://www.tumblr.com/plaguedpriest/724394015100960768/would-u-donate-ur-blood-to-them

https://www.tumblr.com/floating-goblin-art/719037383452000256/salvation

https://www.tumblr.com/dofaminos/698821974005284864/actually-my-first-full-ultrakill-fanart?source=share

https://gregemann.tumblr.com/post/674241085223190528/gift-art-for-a-very-dear-friend-3

https://hanteeyo.tumblr.com/post/648721438657921024/gabwiel

https://hanteeyo.tumblr.com/post/668242216019460096/oops-im-an-idiot-and-deleted-the-og-post-lmfao

https://dragonroilz.tumblr.com/post/720071429697175552/happy-pride

https://www.tumblr.com/dragonroilz/710445912452890624

https://decamarks.tumblr.com/post/706832090604388352/i-could-only-lay-in-reverence-carried-in-the

https://viktormaru.tumblr.com/post/706016225317306368/ive-been-doing-daily-doodles-despite-not-sharing

https://crowcryptid.tumblr.com/post/704105237758246912/silvr-i-wanna-fight-you-like-an-animal-i-wanna

https://leafy-yezi.tumblr.com/post/704965002647437312/wanted-to-draw-this-since-the-2nd-gabriel-fight

https://cultofthorns.tumblr.com/post/695321751590256640/v1gabe-things

https://zolovana.tumblr.com/post/707520516946296832/im-very-normal-about-this-game

https://hmmbo.tumblr.com/post/728765440729497600/i-cant-think-of-a-good-caption-just-know-i-spend

https://www.tumblr.com/ghxstshxrk/712175242784784384/aesthetics-of-hate-commission-for-silvervictory

https://volatilemask.tumblr.com/post/696570620260040704/ive-never-had-a-fight-like-this-before

https://volatilemask.tumblr.com/post/697662709195505665/layer-6-heresy

https://www.tumblr.com/oka-ja/700623082067558400?source=share

[dare-g]

@sleepythug tagged me to list my 4 favorite first time watches in May! I put these screenshots to give people an idea of the plots if you're not familiar! It was fun and somewhat difficult to decide though tbh if it was just watches in general then this rewatch would have made it for sure

Anyway I'm going to tag a lot of you cause I'm nosey and feel free to just tell me in the replies if you don't want to continue the chain! (Also if you don't have 4 from May feel free to say anything you liked recently)

@skatalite @geckoafterlife @phibes @everyones-into-weirdness @jimphelps @arpicot @l-ultimo-squalo @fieldrecording @jacketrepresents @cowhidepillowcase @woyzeeck @filmplanet @nononookytv @vivereh1merda @vagrantbiatch @donnerpartyofone @herzoghaircut

[boookfreeak]

well I've finished it.

and it's... it's not zendaya... but at least you can recognize zac efron!... right?

and just to clarify, I personally prefer to draw traditionally (and I am too broke to change that at the moment) and my phone camera is shite. so. enjoy!

tags :) @mossbegreen @trapezequeen

[contagious-watermelon]

It's interesting to me that understandings of transsexuality have been almost exclusively filtered through the lens of queerness and the social aspects of gender. In other words, that the "T" was added to "LGBT." I've thought for a while that in a lot of cases, transness — and specifically dysphoria — makes a lot more sense when analyzed through the lens of disability rather than through queerness. (Personally I see it as being at the intersection between those things.)

I think that a theory of transsexuality would be incomplete without taking into account the societal aspects of gender, yes, but it seems to be similarly incomplete in the popular understanding of it.

I've seen a lot of discussion in the stuff I've read by disabled people about the contention between being objectively harmed or, well, disabled, by your disability, but still wanting to be proud of it or finding identity in it regardless. A lot of autistic communities, I've noticed, talk a lot about the fact that being autistic is difficult; it's made worse by other people's reactions to it, but it still is hard on its own (e.g. auditory overstimulation); yet people still can say that they'd rather be autistic than not. Or they may say they wish they weren't, but that they've come to terms with it because it's not exactly changeable.

Point is, there's open discussion about the differences between inherent challenges to your disability regardless of society, the ways which ableism makes things more difficult, and the contention of finding identity and community in your disability despite that. (And I use autism as an example because I'm autistic; I don't want to speak for, say, a physically disabled community as I'm able-bodied. But I have seen similar discussions there as well.)

The trans community, as I've seen, doesn't really have that. We're polarized between the extremely self-hating people who think that being trans is a curse and that people who like being trans are just fakers co-opting transness, and the toxically positive contingent who refuse to engage with the fact that sometimes dysphoria really does just hurt. And also that transphobia exists.

There's also the fact that in many ways, dysphoria is actually disabling. It isn't for everyone, and part of the problem is that transness as a concept covers so many things that analyzing it through just one lens will always be incomplete, but for me at least it caused me a lot of depression and dissociation, and made it difficult-to-impossible to interact with other people or function at my classes. Back before I medically transitioned, I related a lot to some descriptions by disabled people about their chronic pain, because my dysphoria effectively was chronic psychological pain. I don't want to say it's the same thing, because obviously I've only experienced one of those things, and dysphoria has a treatment while many (all?) chronic illnesses don't, but nevertheless it was a comforting lens to think of my dysphoria through in the time before I got top surgery.

Also of note is the way both our communities are treated by the medical establishment. I've heard many horror stories by disabled people of how doctors simply refuse to diagnose them or give them issues with their meds. Trans people obviously also have to deal with the shit that doctors put out in order to get access to HRT and any necessary surgeries. People deride HRT, saying that we shouldn't take it because it'll "make you a medical patient for life." People act like mental pain isn't real — calling depression fake, acting like because things like fibromyalgia aren't "real pain" that it shouldn't bother you so much, etc. — and that extends too into the way they dismiss the pain of gender dysphoria.

So, I don't really understand why the trans community has taken so many pains to disavow themselves from being considered even remotely similar to disabled people. I know that the common refrain, "we're not mentally ill!" is meant to combat the idea that we're deluded into thinking that we're a "different gender" than we really are, but the effect is throwing actually mentally ill trans people under the bus. The insistence that there's no way that dysphoria should be considered a disorder because there's nothing wrong with us — I just think that we could take a hint or two from the way that disabled people theorize about this subject.

[good-beans]

(Milgram self-insert oc masterpost hehe)

Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!

Color: #E7355B [the pink in the art]

Age: I guess she’d be 20 given when Milgram started huh.

Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician

Symbols/imagery: ballet/musical theater, science experiments

Song genre: very similar to Mahiru's, something upbeat and extra pop-y

Tentatively she's number 011? She's not really prisoner but she's also not free to come and go, so I'm not actually sure if she'd get a number (Edit: I've decided she'll actually be 012. Staff is given the 01X range, and even though Es doesn't actively have a number they'd be staff member 011, making her 012.)

Story: Since the project is supposed to be realistic/present day, the mv machine would be brand new and unpredictable tech, so they’d want someone keeping up on maintenance and making sure the brain-invasive process won’t cause any harm to the prisoners. Rose was studying abroad in Japan working on some cool neuroscience tech (irl I know nothing about technology or brains but shh) and she stumbled upon some secret tech/plans from Milgram. Long story short, she was dragged into the experiment to make sure things ran smoothly.

Writer's Reasoning: She’s really fun for me to play around with, as she allows me to work with a character who has a tiny bit of pull over Es’ mindset in conversation but not the final decision (aka mirroring the voting system), and someone who is simultaneously trapped in the prison but has a reason to see all the canon content.* I really enjoy the character interactions and dynamics Milgram has set up so far, so it’s been super fun seeing how things change for better and worse when someone not quite aligned with either Milgram/the prisoners is thrown into the mix!

*As much as I love dramatic irony in fiction, it would drive me crazy if I knew every detail of of the vds/mvs but Rose didn't – and every single Milgram character is The Worst Communicator Ever so I couldn’t justify that she’d hear it secondhand from them...

Story roles:

She’s a bit conflicted -- she’s officially Milgram staff and knows she should remain neutral on the prisoners, since she won’t be allowed to interfere with the process/executions. At the same time, her job description is literally “make sure the machine doesn't hurt them and everyone's safe :)” and she's way too emotional to avoid getting hopelessly attached to everyone 😅

I really enjoy the theory that the machine extracts videos based off of priming, so one of Rose’s duties involves listening in on the interrogation and making sure there’s been enough material discussed/not too much time has passed overall (hence the ringing of the bell happening at different lengths for each vd -- That's her ringing it :3). She then watches the mvs along with Es to make sure there are no machine glitches, and know how to calibrate it better for next time.

(IEdit: I've since decided to add in official trial mvs, but before when I wasn't ready to tackle that:) She has to run some tests on the machine to make sure things are calibrated correctly, so she'd extract little things here and there. It gives me the opportunity to think up lyric snippets and recurring symbols for her without worrying about full encompassing music videos.

I'm not afraid to admit she can fall into Mary Sue territory every so often by being everyone's friend, because it's less about "aw everyone likes her" and more about "canon is too painful rn and I need a fix-it tool to take care of these guys and give them hugs and tell them someone forgives them and cares about them and unfortunately these characters wouldn't let anyone less than a friend do that." Rest assured she's definitely not perfect and will fuck everything up on occasion :3

Miscellaneous: Whenever I play around with normal au ideas she's still working on the machine (but in a public, more ethical setting), and she's Mahiru's roommate :) Her character isn't super focused on love, but if I had to pick a cover song it'd be Stickybug II. It's very much my vibe, the lyrics fit well enough (better than most songs, at least lol) and it's one of my favorites out of my limited knowledge of unchosen Deco songs! (Edit, I've actually given her non-deco cover songs hehe)

So yeah, I hope she's not too boring without a cool crime to decipher, but I wanted to share since I was really proud of her! It took a bit of tinkering to find a way to fit her into a perfect secret-third-thing role that runs very smoothly with all of canon, so I was very excited!

[audiovisualrecall]

This is a start, anyway. Lots of research and work ahead.

[orcelito]

I've always known that my dad loved us, but nothing's driven that home as much as everything we've found in the After.

Our prominence in his home (pictures, father's day cards, gifts on display, the letter), the way he prioritized us... and a damned good life insurance policy, set up specifically so that if he died early (always a possibility, since driving jobs are more dangerous than many) then we would have enough to get ourselves Set.

He raised us to become as independent as possible as soon as possible. Made sure we knew how to cook, clean, handle our finances (though he was hilariously kind of bad at that, himself), and much more. I've been doing my own laundry since I was about 10 years old, so it's a surprise when I hear about people going off to college still not knowing. Utterly unimaginable to me.

He wanted us to finish college so we could live more comfortable lives than he did. My sister accomplished this in good time. I have not. But with his final gift to us, this life insurance money, it's a very real thing I could do. I could Realistically pay for the rest of my schooling and not even have to work through it. And in not having to work as I take classes, I can dedicate myself to them more thoroughly than ever before, and hopefully Finally finish my degree.

Just as he wanted for me.

I'll always miss him, since having him in my life was worth more than any amount of money I could have. But I'll always be grateful to him for everything he gave to me.

I dont need a mother, however much mine is trying to scrabble for us right now. I haven't had a true mother in a long time (or maybe Ever).

Instead, I had the best father I could've ever asked for. He was the only parent I needed.

[crystalis]

[bmpmp3]

genbu ai has been found dead in miami.

[1hp]

nah bro im so sad Penguin's Detour got taken down though It was genuinely such a good song with such a cool music vid...i listened to it a lot back in 2020-2021 and miy_yuu's cover of it made me love it even more PLEASE COME BAAAAACK

[bunnyb34r]

Finally started hacking away at the overgrown rose bushes and I'm so fucking exhausted and in pain 😭 bitch....

[ebi-noodle-doodles]

What are some of your favorite Miku songs?

This image doesnt justify all of it cus theres pmuch a LOT that I just cant remember the title cus I do be that person who just add music to my almost 3k songs playlist on yt and just let the shuffle go wild but cant remember the title so yea- A lot. I know theres more but this is what I could come up this time! Bunch of classic oldies, all Miku songs are bangers. (I didnt include covers but if I did Becca's I'm Alive Miku ver is up there!)

[faaun]

.

[octarineblues]

today an older phd student gifted me a crochetted non-binary flag 💛💜 cannot help thinking that slowly but goddamn surely we are moving in the right direction