#i will describe it to see if anyone has it but the issue is that. theres a lot of art like it
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akuzondotcom · 23 hours ago
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OM! Eye HC’s part 3 ft; the (tragically) undatable!
Raphael:
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I wanted Raphael to appear stern and war torn. I imagine whilst he used to be a healer (just one with a hobby of combat), post celestial war he’s been forced into the role of a guard or soldier. Though I certainly imagine he prefers healing others over combat. I wanted him to look slightly tired. I personally HC Raphael can’t sleep naturally, he was intended to be a guardian so he’s inherently restless and forced to constantly watch, especially since he’s a Virtue of Diligence. So instead, when the brothers were in the Celestial Realm, Belphagor would use his magic to put Raphael to sleep and give him a break, which is how he developed his bond with the twins. However since Belphie fell, Raphael is now entirely sleepless, as such his eyes look more unfocused and almost glazed over due to exhaustion.
Mephistopheles:
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Okay so, Mephisto is one of my favs so I have a lot to say about him. First the basics, I wanted him to come across posh and snobby, so I made it so he doesn’t meet the viewers gaze. I imagine he only makes eye contact and gives his full focus to those he deems worthy (Like Dia and Barb). Now as for the coloured Sclera and glowing eyes. I imagine Mephie isn’t actually of the Devildom, but rather the “Crossroads” the land in between the three realms. (Not to be confused with Thirteen who comes from OUTSIDE the three realms). Mephisto being from this twisted in-between land his demon form is actually a shapeshifting green mist. Much like the devil, Mephistopheles (the actual demon not in OM!) is described as looking almost entirely human save for few fatal flaws in his disguise. I imagine for Mephisto it’s the same, him struggling to maintain a full human form, due to this having a malformed ankle and limp and when he’s not trying to trick humans he allows his eyes to drop the disguise as to lessen the magic toll on his stamina.
Thirteen:
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Note I use She/They Pronouns for Thirteen so keep that in mind. I imagine Thirteen is sort of a reptile human. Due to this they can see in the dark, can keep their eyes open underwater without issue, and has great heat sensing capabilities. (I also imagine she has a slit tongue and sharp teeth but that isn’t eye related so-). I picture she has very big eyes with long wispy lashes. I imagine they could easily win a staring comp against anyone (save for Levi and Barb). Also I picture her with a lot of piercings and tattoos, I just imagine she loves decorating her skin and body, being obsessed with body mods of all varieties. Currently her only facial tattoo is a small heart under her eye but she LONGS to get more.
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ceilidhtransing · 2 days ago
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I'm extremely done with electionposting but I feel like there's one huge elephant in the room that's barely being talked about vis-à-vis the whole issue of non-voters. I see so many posts to the effect of “does the result really indicate that the people who didn't vote are bad, or that the Democrats simply failed to convince them to vote for Harris?” and I have to talk about that.
Obligatory clarifications because people are understandably very heated at the moment and I know people will jump to take this entire post the wrong way:
I know that the tens of millions of people who did actually vote for Trump are much, much more of a glaring active problem than the people who didn't vote at all.
I know that it is, overall, in most circumstances, bad to assert that a candidate is just “owed” your vote, rather than having to win your vote.
I know that Trump's base is unpersuadable and will vote for him whatever happens. I'm not talking about them; I'm talking about non-voters, particularly anyone who voted Democrat in the past but didn't show up this time.
I know that it's shitty that people should have to settle for a candidate they don't like very much because that's the only way to avoid a much greater evil. It's a rubbish situation to be in, but Harris and Trump were the only viable options presented at this election, and nothing changes that.
I know that some people abstained as a (extremely misguided and counterproductive) “protest” against the situation in Gaza. But if the numbers we're seeing are accurate, Harris lost 15 million voters compared to Biden, and I really can't see all of those being “protest-abstainers”. Some of them will be, but clearly a lot of people simply didn't show up, and if you reply with something like “well not doing a genocide would have helped them!” I will just assume you haven't read this. I'm not actually talking about the “protest-abstainers”, I'm talking about the passive non-voters.
I know that the Democrats are hardly, hardly perfect and that a lot of people do not trust them to deliver the kind of meaningful change that they need. Trust me, whatever criticisms of the Democrats you have, I know. They are tangential to the actual point of this post.
But it is properly mind-boggling to me that we have got to a point where we genuinely talk about people needing to be “convinced” to vote against a candidate so thoroughly, off-the-charts terrible as Trump, and as far as I'm concerned it speaks to the incredible job much of the media has done for the last I don't know how many years at continually normalising and sane-washing him, his ideas, his actions, and his speech.
If we were to teleport back to some time significantly before the Trump Era - before US politics got quite so wild, before it became in any way “normal” for a president to rack up an uncountable number of the kind of scandals that individually would have sunk any previous president but which are apparently just the way things are now - and comprehensively describe Trump to the average voter, and then say that he's in an election against a very standard middle-of-the-road don't-rock-the-boat Democrat, and ask “one of these is going to be the president; how are you voting?” the response is very likely to be “fuck me, the Democrat obviously! jesus christ just don't put that guy back in charge!”
Trump is such an appallingly bad candidate on literally every front that I can hardly believe the conversation focuses on whether Harris did enough to convince people to vote for her rather than the fact that Trump himself has spent most of the last decade doing what should be an incredible job at convincing people to vote for her.
And I know the general adage about “people need to be convinced to vote for a candidate, not just against another candidate!” but fucking hell, when one of the candidates is THAT GUY, it really should not take much at all to convince you to vote for whoever isn't him. Where's that meme about Any Statewide Election in North Carolina that has “Adolf Fucking Hitler” winning against “Bland Normiedem” 49% to 48%? Because that's what it feels like when people talk about voters just not being hyped enough by the Harris campaign to vote for her. “Yeah, I know Adolf Fucking Hitler is pretty terrible, but Bland Normiedem just hasn't done a good enough job at winning my vote, and really both sides are bad, you know?”
The thing is that all of the things people say about “you need to run a positive campaign, not just a negative one” and “you need to earn people's vote, not just take them for granted” and “you need to have a good reason to vote for you, not just that you're not the other guy” etc I totally, absolutely agree with - in a normal election with normal politics and normal candidates! None of what we're seeing with Trump is, or should be, normal! “You won't need to vote again” isn't normal, “dictator on day one” isn't normal, running with the intimate support of a bunch of christofascists who are open about their desire to turn America into an authoritarian hellscape isn't normal, and it has been utterly maddening to see people treat this as just another standard uninspiring election and not a code red “for the love of god stop this guy” situation! To use that reference again, it is an absurdity to frame things in terms of Bland Normiedem needing to run a great campaign to convince people to vote for him when his opponent is Adolf Fucking Hitler!
There are many questions to be asked about this election, but re: people not showing up to vote for Harris, a major one that needs to be asked far more often is “how the fuck did Trump and his whole campaign become so normalised to voters that “whether you're persuaded enough by Harris's campaign” is even a serious question? how is Trump Being Trump not persuasive enough for most people?” And this post is long already, but the media has a lot to answer for regarding how they have consistently sane-washed what he's said, normalised his positions, hell, normalised the fact that he's even running in the first place given his many crimes and the way he responded to losing the last election. Trump's enormous base is absolutely the most pressing problem, but this time around that base has been directly enabled to trample everyone else by millions and millions of people apparently just not being “motivated enough” to stop him. That is also a problem.
In no sane circumstances should Trump be a candidate that you have to be extensively, enthusiastically persuaded to keep out of office, and yet here we are, talking about how well or badly Harris convinced people to vote for her when literally everything about Trump ought to have been doing a good enough job of that anyway. How the fuck did any of this become normal? How the fuck did we reach a point where anyone - especially previous Democrat voters - is looking at these two candidates and going “eh, I'll just sit this one out, Harris hasn't done enough to earn my vote”?
(And in case I haven't been sufficiently clear, please don't reply to this with any variation of “she should have done xyz!” or “maybe if she hadn't done xyz!” This is not about debating her strategies or the merits of her campaign. A different discussion is the place for that. My point is that Trump is so out-of-this-galaxy leagues worse than her in every conceivable way that she shouldn't have had to “run a brilliant campaign” in order to sweep votes from the tens of millions of Americans who aren't Trump's base. Anyone like her running against Trump should have won in a fucking landslide and the fact that she didn't is not just an indictment of “a campaign that didn't do enough to persuade people” but also an indictment of the electorate and of the media's continual normalisation of Trump. To place blame entirely on “well she didn't run a good enough campaign” - as if in a race between Bland Normiedem and Adolf Fucking Hitler the whole focus should be on the merits or demerits of Bland Normiedem's campaign rather than the fact that Adolf Fucking Hitler is Adolf Fucking Hitler - is to miss an enormous part of the picture and also to reinforce the normalisation of Trump as just any other standard reasonable candidate. It's to buy into the whole deeply false “both sides” thing that the media loves to do, where we go “well Candidate A here is a near-octogenarian quasi-fascist wannabe dictator and convicted felon running on a platform infused with Christian nationalism and hardcore authoritarianism, who refuses to accept he lost the last election and essentially tried to hold onto power by force, and who has spent the last four years in countless trials regarding all the insane crimes he got up to both during and outwith his presidency, but on the other side, how watertight really are Candidate B's policies?” and pretend the two candidates are even remotely equivalent or comparable, and this very approach is a huge part of the problem.)
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corporationsarepeople · 2 days ago
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I think most of the comments about losing democracy if Trump wins were referring more to a gradual loss of rights.
He did of course say he’d be a dictator “but only on day one,” which didn’t really make much sense. In fact I’ve never heard a description of how it made any sense, so it seemed wise to just take it at face value, that he has every intention of being a dictator of sorts.
But democracies tend to die with a whimper, not a bang. Ours has been progressing downhill for some time, and many of were hopeful that we could reverse course by expanding the power of common people. Jimmy Carter famously said several years ago that the US has become more of an oligarchy than a democracy, and he’s right. With Trump, at least based on what he’s promised, I expect we will continue on that path.
This doesn’t mean we won’t vote. (Russia and Iran still have general elections, too.) But it’s likely to mean that voting will have less impact, and that we won’t “need to vote.”
One of the biggest threats that I see involves him dismantling career bureaucratic government jobs to remove professionals and insert loyalists. He’s been campaigning on this issue since the second year of his first term, making up the idea of the “Deep State” to demonize anyone who would try to keep government operating within the law.
This was the first thing he spoke about after winning the election, and Project 2025 has clearly laid out how to accomplish the goal he’s described. An inefficient and weak bureaucracy will mean (and is supposed to mean) a government that can be easily overrun by corporate and wealthy interests even more than it is today. Bringing Elon Musk into his administration as he has described has basically guaranteed that this will happen. Individual protections against the powerful (which were weak to start with) are likely to be severely diminished.
Repeal of the 14th Amendment will be difficult, and I don’t think states will ratify that. However, since the executive branch controls enforcement of federal law much of it will be drastically weakened. Ending birthright citizenship will be a major push from Trump’s advisors, as they’ve said many times. De-naturalization is also a key goal, and his promise to bring back the Alien Sedition Act sounds designed to deport any legal immigrants (or former citizens) who might challenge his policies.
The 14th amendment also contains the equal protection clause and requires due process, both of which will be significantly challenged. Again, it doesn’t have to be repealed outright to be severely weakened. Further, Trump threatened to violate the 14th Amendment many times throughout his first term by defaulting on the national debt. This will have disastrous consequences for our economy, and likely for the global economy as well.
Again, I’m just going off what he’s promised.
But I guess we’ll see.
Edit to add: Anyone who thinks their home arsenal is going to be a match for the US military hasn’t thought very hard about this. Trump has said his biggest mistake in his first term was appointing people who told him no—that included military leaders.
"It's four years then Trump is gone" as if they haven't talked about creating a dictatorship and people not needing to vote again. As if they didn't talk about taking the right of voting of women away. Seriously. Fuck you.
Not a single person that I follow, live with, talk with, or vaguely know that belongs to the Republican party wants a dictatorship.
We've had discussions on how we'll embrace our Second Amendment right to STOP Trump if he tries to impose a dictatorship. We don't care if it accomplishes everything that we desire- that's NOT what America stands for and we won't stand for disrespect to our country. The Democrats don't have to worry about the majority of Republicans. If he tries to play dictator, we won't stand for it.
I EXIST ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE. If someone was intending to take away my right to vote, I think I would HAVE HEARD OF IT. Zero people have ever INSINUATED THAT and it's sad that Democrats are walking around playing like they're not the only ones discussing it.
Also, if someone tries to take away my right to vote, every male in my family will riot. Voting is an American right. No one will change that.
You want to have sex with me? Or at me?
Alright, I guess that's your prerogative, but I'll pass.
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 8 months ago
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Hey, what's your fave Gabe fanart you've encountered?
Also I am very sorry about your inbox and the incident with the gnome piss anon
- kneeboiler anon
I CANT PICK JUST 1
FAN ART BLAST
https://www.tumblr.com/floating-goblin-art/709166360142495745/stgeorgepng
https://www.tumblr.com/phantom-nisnow/741235083170742272/la-danse-macabre
https://www.tumblr.com/milkymolle/740989211045478400/ecstasy
https://www.tumblr.com/hrokkall/728480077455785984/death-spiral
https://www.tumblr.com/themachine/710891941071667200/heaven-is-a-place-where-nothing-ever-happens
https://lutik327.tumblr.com/post/715977424211427328/blood-palace
https://www.tumblr.com/meiuya/713341420451381248
https://www.tumblr.com/celerys0da/731227260594651136/posting-some-old-art-rn-while-im-working-on-my
https://www.tumblr.com/spaccadt/727733278955765760/autism-creatures-comeback-as-an-allergic-person-i
https://www.tumblr.com/that--unusual-person/726328632488951808/for-2lim3rz-thank-you-for-your-services
https://www.tumblr.com/muzzleroars/725847053766377472/ecstasy-of-the-profane-form
https://www.tumblr.com/cultofthorns/723233440180371456/reversed-viscera-and-wrong-parts
https://www.tumblr.com/fmab/725428933070307328/catharsis
https://www.tumblr.com/plaguedpriest/724394015100960768/would-u-donate-ur-blood-to-them
https://www.tumblr.com/floating-goblin-art/719037383452000256/salvation
https://www.tumblr.com/dofaminos/698821974005284864/actually-my-first-full-ultrakill-fanart?source=share
https://gregemann.tumblr.com/post/674241085223190528/gift-art-for-a-very-dear-friend-3
https://hanteeyo.tumblr.com/post/648721438657921024/gabwiel
https://hanteeyo.tumblr.com/post/668242216019460096/oops-im-an-idiot-and-deleted-the-og-post-lmfao
https://dragonroilz.tumblr.com/post/720071429697175552/happy-pride
https://www.tumblr.com/dragonroilz/710445912452890624
https://decamarks.tumblr.com/post/706832090604388352/i-could-only-lay-in-reverence-carried-in-the
https://viktormaru.tumblr.com/post/706016225317306368/ive-been-doing-daily-doodles-despite-not-sharing
https://crowcryptid.tumblr.com/post/704105237758246912/silvr-i-wanna-fight-you-like-an-animal-i-wanna
https://leafy-yezi.tumblr.com/post/704965002647437312/wanted-to-draw-this-since-the-2nd-gabriel-fight
https://cultofthorns.tumblr.com/post/695321751590256640/v1gabe-things
https://zolovana.tumblr.com/post/707520516946296832/im-very-normal-about-this-game
https://hmmbo.tumblr.com/post/728765440729497600/i-cant-think-of-a-good-caption-just-know-i-spend
https://www.tumblr.com/ghxstshxrk/712175242784784384/aesthetics-of-hate-commission-for-silvervictory
https://volatilemask.tumblr.com/post/696570620260040704/ive-never-had-a-fight-like-this-before
https://volatilemask.tumblr.com/post/697662709195505665/layer-6-heresy
https://www.tumblr.com/oka-ja/700623082067558400?source=share
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puppyeared · 7 months ago
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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krafterwrites · 2 years ago
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I think we should stop letting people call stuff filler unless it's DBZ or something with a similar situation to it
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emangel2718 · 5 months ago
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Political rant in tags.
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royalberryriku · 1 month ago
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Gonna review all the sources I've been provided with (they're damning for the zio so rip to them but thanks for the sources lmao), and been searching through more sources from the time periods in question and, well, basically I started a thing.
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(sorry for the blurriness) An overall essay going through the evidence and providing a small splash of input as someone noticing a lot of discord in said evidence, which isn't surprising but still it is telling how zionists cherry pick.
Anyway, the more I learn, the more I realise that there's a lot of political and nationalistic push to emit details in some papers, while pushing for certain conclusions based on the framing of the research for others. I think this is legitimately just unproductive when acknowledging the subjectivity of history as a study and the way certain overlap may point to a conclusion that isn't preferable by a variety of people, from researchers to the intuitions that may use or pay for the research to begin with. I find this in studies that delve into contentious topics in general. It's why it's so important to note the overlap and notice the inevitability of bias in understanding these topics.
As far as the history the Middle East goes and who colonised who, I think many disregard the simple theory that, perhaps, colonisation itself can be something inflicted by the post-colonised and equally be something done to a group with connections to conquest, ultimately making both the same in terms of land rights and the concept of legal ownership. Or, more specifically, that Zionists' attempts to become conquests have since reduced their claim, just as it would reduce a Babylonian, despite their deep links to the land and, arguably, being one of the first social groups before or at the same time as the Israelites.
History and Carbon Dating specifically become difficult to assign moral value of land rights to when cultures blossom and change in such extreme ways (to the point of being unrelated or unrecognisable with those from ancient eras) with the passing of time. The racial blame placed by Israel is thus shown to be one of mistaken vengeance and generally racial profiling of modern Arabs, just as the Persian, Turkish, Roman and British empires showed signs of racist attitudes to employ totalitarian tactics of rule over the peasantry. Being the colonised when one is willing to colonise with the same means reduces the ethical claims and, meanwhile, the history itself reflects greater nuance than political nationalists may desire of it.
Ultimately, as I search further and further, I find that the claim of nationalism and identity is a mere shared ideal of all empires formed through conquest and the desire for ownership of abundant resources. Meanwhile, I find that the idea of an ancient homeland to reclaim is obsolete when the people in question do not resemble those they wish to avenge. Culture evolves with geography and time, a constant for every country's history. Religion, culture and the concept of a homeland forms where the resources are abundant, rather than any legitimate greater or lesser claim from neighbouring tribes and civilisations. The wish of a Promised Land is a logical conclusion for any group seeking refuge from the elements; a moral argument filled with human necessity and a shared common ground if faced with an open mind and a willingness to review the past, while simultaneously moving on from it. The complexity becomes simple when it is understood that only the present can take responsibility for the present; and choose a better path than those who horde resources in the modern age of globalised colonialism.
#My thoughts so far#If anyone has anything to add or want to recommend any sources; please let me know#writing#history#essay draft#blog post#history of the middle east#ethics#culture#religion#I will elaborate more later but I will add as well that Israel has genuinely and clearly adopted German nationalism into its belief system#while the most obvious would be the “strongest army in the world” quoted from Germany by Israel#a more direct and consequential one is the usage of land back and homeland to an older ancestry to justify nationalist intent#Regardless of the truth of that claim or not it is one that is weaponised in the same way#but it honestly doesn't matter because the purpose isn't so much about the truth or the genuine pain suffered by past colonializations#but rather to serve a political power that uses a totalitarian method of conquest in the name of that ethos#it is one that is founded in European political systems and has since been used by Israel which does use the tactic of victimisation#Which is also what Germany did use to claim they had to invade#And yes similar (though not as directly copied) tactics have been used in the past; even against the ancient Israelites#The Roman Empire even coined the term that perfectly describes this tactic;#"Two things only the people anxiously desire — bread and circuses.”#A spectacle to distract from the inner political issues and inequalities has always been a tactic employed by conquests and colonisations#And yes Israel has used it as well and it results in a genuine hatred of Israel for what it has done and the methods used#So when I look back at the history of colonisation I do see a lot of patterns and a lot of the same justifications#If it weren't happening today and were a historic event I would even call it fascinating how such methods are passed down specifically-#-within and around the Asian Eurasian and European regions#It's why Israel as an existence is antithetical to land back movements and contradictory to arguments of indigenous sovereignty#All the while it being technically true they're (particularly in terms of sacred practices and culture) indigenous to this place#yet it is reduced by the fact the same colonial techniques used against them are ones they now employ and consequentially pass down#The Palestinians are indigenous because they are being colonised and no matter what claim an Israeli may have it becomes redundant
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insanechayne · 2 months ago
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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cocklessboy · 1 year ago
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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.
I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.
And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!
We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.
There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.
Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.
Except...
I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.
I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.
The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.
Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".
There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.
And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.
His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.
I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.
That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.
I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.
Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.
Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.
If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.
It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.
I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.
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teaboot · 4 months ago
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Yo I can't speak for 911 dispatch but working on the ground here are some tips for calling or radio'ing help:
First: Give information in the right order. 911 WILL ask, before anything else: City? Police, Fire, or Ambulance? They need to know who they're sending and where. If you're calling me (mall cop) I know you're looking for security presence, so my assumption is that either we don't need 911, 911 has already been called, or I'm about to be calling, so this part isn't always required.
Second: Location. I can't do shit about the five-foot-six Caucasian female wearing green shoes breaking into your car if I don't know where your car is.
Third: The most distinctive thing you see. Trash can on fire? Yellow truck got busted? Body on the ground? Person brandishing a weapon?
Fourth: If the issue is a moving target, pick the most distinctive trait about them first. Something that can be seen at a distance. "Wearing jeans" is not as useful or as distinctive as "orange baseball cap" or "coveralls". "Truck" isn't isn't useful or distinctive as "brown pickup, busted fender".
Fifth: At this point someone is on their way looking for what you've described, but they're still listening. Now is the time to add details. Heading north? Carrying a weapon? Additional clothing, descriptors, etc.
If you are calling emergency dispatch, don't just start talking. They will usually ask for what they need in the order that they need it.
If you're calling for security or CCTV surveillance: Location, distinction, details.
Note: I've only been in the industry a few years but I get a lot of people giving bad descriptions or misordered ones so I thought I'd put out a general PSA, but if anyone with more experience here has anything to correct or add on, please do
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sunderwight · 4 months ago
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Thinking about SV demon culture as one struggling under the weight of imperialism, a violent ruling class with a might-makes-right mindset, and a lot of warfare.
I really don't like fics that imply that Luo Binghe's conquest of the demon realms just automatically improved living conditions there. I think both versions believed that they could conquer things, establish a new regime, and fix a lot of political issues in the process, I just don't think that would actually be the result of a violent takeover on the part of a cultural outsider with a patchy understanding of the actual multitude of demon cultures involved, whose only asset was an extreme capacity for physical violence and resilience against death.
Like, no wonder Bingge was always putting down uprisings and "rivals" for power -- a lot of his empire was probably actually being run by the demon wives or families of the demon wives he favored most, like Sha Hualing, or by preferred subordinates like Mobei Jun, who very probably pursued their own interests just as doggedly as they had prior to his rule. Only, this time they'd have been doing so with the added leverage of Luo Binghe's violence answering anyone who "rebelled" against "his" authority.
Demons in SV have myriad subtypes and subcultures. It seems really likely that a lot of them have been persecuted by others, that there are demon communities who have been subjugated, muscled out of ancestral homes, enslaved, wiped out, etc. This would probably even explain some "invasions" by demons into the human realm -- I'd imagine numerous cases across history of refugees being taken for (or described as) marauders by cultivation sects, or human communities unprepared or unwilling to deal fairly with visibly inhuman "monsters" and answering their approach with violence, or even displaced demons who did in fact become bandits and such in the fallout of various conflicts causing problems.
But there also would probably have been demons that succeeded in making their way in the human realm, and disguising what they were well enough that the sects never even knew. After all, most of the methods for alerting the sects to the presence of demons involve demons doing something violent (like the Skinner demon) or people seeing demons and going "ahhh!" about it. A demon or a family of demons uninterested in serial killing and only looking to get by and avoid the violence would likely not attract that kind of attention, just so long as they could pass as human too.
I do wonder if the reverse has ever happened as well. Human wars driving humans to seek refuge in the demon realms. It would conversely seem a lot more dangerous (demons are physically tougher than humans, and the demon realms are notoriously harsh), but in some cases it was probably like, well, life is hell already, at least the things trying to kill us in the demon realm are straightforward about it?
There are probably way more half-demons out there than just Luo Binghe, and even more demons with human ancestry or humans with demon ancestry. I wouldn't be surprised if demon ancestry actually played a roll in some humans being cultivation prodigies compared to others -- demons seem to have a natural physical power that most humans don't, and while their cultivation uses different energy, it would make sense of some aspects of things like a physical inclination to store, accrue, or manipulate energy in general could benefit even predominately human descendants of mixed blood.
But anyway, back to politics.
Tianlang Jun didn't seem to be a terribly proactive ruler either. Which on the one hand can be a good thing (he wasn't a tyrant, wasn't interested in waging wars or conquering others, didn't much care to throw his weight around), but someone was actually ruling in his absence. Conflicts were still happening, and being resolved. Tributes or taxes were still being paid to him, for him to live any kind of lavish lifestyle, which means they were being collected, rates were being determined, enforced, etc, which does beg the question of who was doing it. Not Zhuzhi Lang, certainly.
In Bingmei's time, the person actually running things is Shang Qinghua, which means also Mobei Jun is actually running things to some extent too. Shen Qingqiu loves demonic beasts but doesn't seem like he could care less about politics, and Luo Binghe only got this job in the first place because he was trying to impress him, and the post-canon extras would seem to indicate that they check out of the process as often as possible.
Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua's rule probably makes things pretty hard for the southern demons who are traditionally loyal to the Heavenly Demons. I mean, apart from not being able to beat Luo Binghe in a fight, self-serving ambition would definitely be a motive for Mobei Jun to throw his lot in with him as soon as possible, right? "Give" the emperor your palace, your service, your resources, etc, and the emperor basically becomes Mobei's own tool to reinforce his sovereignty. In PIDW he even uses him to do that in a more immediate sense by bringing him to the fight with his uncle. In SV he decides Shang Qinghua is more suitable, which, symbolically, is even true. The cost of wielding Luo Binghe's authority is having to submit to it, but Shang Qinghua has elevated Mobei Jun even without that.
No wonder the southern demons couldn't get on Tianlang Jun's side fast enough when he reappeared. Given both Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua's bias, the North has probably been running rampant with their own interests while the South gets hamstrung and dealt crumbs by comparison. Sha Hualing's clearly been trying to get on Luo Binghe's good side with minimal success ever since he got out of the Abyss. Unlike in PIDW, where she's a major player, here she's just an underling desperately playing catch-up and accidentally offending him all the time.
I wonder how that's impacting the complex arrangement of political alliances, cultures, and conflicts among the various factions in the demon realm. It'd probably be like if the remote and somewhat isolated North and Winterfell in ASOIAF/Game of Thrones suddenly became the new capital of the empire, and White Harbor became the main trade hub, while all the southern lords struggled to even get a foot in the door with the new king and kept pissing him off all the time. And every time they try to break free or rebel or kill him, it doesn't work and they get personally murdered by him. Meanwhile the northern lords are making off like bandits, with the current Lord Stark gay married to some inhuman warlock who does all his paperwork and somehow knows all your embarrassing secrets.
...That comparison got away from me. But I mean, it's kind of fascinating? A huge mess and likely miserable for a lot of demons, but still. The implications...
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howcouldmuffin · 3 months ago
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Dreaming.
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You know that falling in love makes you feel like a fool, but what if it’s him?
PAIRING : Jacearys Velaryon x Fem!Reader
WARNING : SFW, Targaryen incest, Non-canon
AN : I was inspired by the song “Kingston” by Faye Webster. Her music is amazing, and the way she describes falling in love is so lovely to me. Although it may not perfectly match the song, I hope you like it.
please be kind to me English is not my first language.
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Everyone in Westeros is aware of the long-standing conflict between the Greens and the Blacks. The king is well aware of this issue too, but he hasn’t been able to resolve it, so the problem continues to persist.
You know the Velaryon siblings very well, having grown up under the same roof as them. While your mother’s influence might have made many think that you were not close, children often don’t see things the same way as adults. They, along with your siblings, were raised to constantly compete with each other, enemies by birth. But after they moved to Dragonstone, everything seemed to calm down.
As the years passed, you grew into a princess of great honor, more graceful than anyone in the Seven Kingdoms. You possess every desirable quality, and people often compare you to a combination of Visenya and Rhaenys in a single woman. Such praise could easily lead to vanity, but you know well that these words are nothing more than the desires of those who speak them.
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“I’ve heard that Rhaenyra has arrived.” you say as you open the door to Helaena’s chamber. “Will you join me? Mother is likely busy in the small council.” She is preoccupied with your nieces and nephews, and at their age, they are quite a handful.
“I’m sorry, but my children are being quite a handful right now.” she says, confirming the scene before you. The children are getting ready for their bath, and it looks like it will take a while. You decide to help your sister manage her lively brood.
“Who here is being a good child?” you ask as you lift up one of the boys. “Is it you, Jaehaerys, or is it you, Jaehaera?” The children are usually well-behaved around you, and they listen to you quite obediently.
“I am!” the boy answers.
“Well, good children don’t make their mother tired, okay? That goes for you too, young lady.” Both nod in agreement and follow their maid to go take their bath.
“Thank you so much, sister.” Helaena says as she walks over to you. “It would have been even more chaotic without you.”
“You’re welcome, but I should be going now.” you reply, kissing her cheek before leaving the room and making your way down the corridors of the Red Keep.
The decorations here have likely changed since your eldest sister last saw them. Religious symbols now adorn the walls of the building. At times, you don’t agree with what your mother has done, filling the place with the beliefs of your family’s old traditions.
“Your Grace.” you curtsy to the pair as you approach.
“I apologize for not being there to welcome you. I only just heard that you arrived, and Mother is likely preoccupied with the small council meeting,” you explain. Rhaenyra immediately embraces you. Despite your mother’s dislike for her, you are not your mother. Her attempts to separate you have no effect if you refuse to adopt her views.
“I have already received a warm welcome from you.” Rhaenyra smiles as she releases you from her embrace and takes your hand.
“Only from you, niece.” Daemon adds.
“You must be tired from your journey. I think you should rest first.” you suggest.
“My husband and I will visit Father first.” she responds. “and I have someone I want you to meet.” She lifts up a young Targaryen boy while another child is carried by a maid.
“This is Aegon, and this is Viserys.”
“So these are my nephews, my little princes.” you say, taking Viserys from the maid. “They have grown so well.” Both boys have the silvery-golden hair of dragons and possess the regal presence of true princes of Westeros.
“Jace and Luke mentioned they would be heading to the practice yard if you wish to see them.” she adds. Your dear nephews, you wonder how much they’ve grown. You hand Viserys back to the maid after kissing his cheek, then turn to your sister.
“In that case, I’ll take my leave, Your Grace.” They both nod in acknowledgment.
You leave the area and head straight to the practice yard. You and Jacaerys are the same age, while Lucerys is a year younger than you. You Daeron and Jacaerys were all nursed by the same wet nurse, which is why you and your twin brother are closer to them than to others in the family.
After a short walk, you find the stairs leading to the training yard. You catch a glimpse of your brother Aemond, who is also there. Over the years, you have tried to encourage him to let go of his grudge, knowing that he once experienced the same mistreatment as our nephews. You hope he may have come to some understanding.
“Welcome, dear nephews.” you say as Jace and Luke turn to see you, their faces showing a mix of nostalgia as they remember the place where they once lived.
They have grown so much, the boys you once knew have become handsome young men, true princes. As soon as they see you, they rush to embrace you, and you return the gesture. They are still as endearing as ever.
“How was your journey?” you ask them.
As you pull away from the hug, you notice how their handsomeness has only increased. Jacaerys, in particular, possesses a beauty that seems straight out of the fairytales you once read. Your heart races, pounding in your chest.
“It went smoothly.” Jace replies. “You’ve grown so much.”
“And even more beautiful.” Luke adds, making you all laugh together. The moment brings back memories of when you were all young and oblivious to the complexities of the world.
“I wish you the best in the judgment, Luke.” you say, taking your younger nephew’s hand. “I will speak with my mother and my grandfather on your behalf.”
“Thank you so much, Princess.” he smiles back at you.
“It seems there’s a family gathering I wasn’t invited to.” your brother Aemond’s raspy voice breaks in. He walks over, and you notice Lucerys’s discomfort. To prevent any tension, you step in front of him, silently urging Aemond not to start anything.
“Are you here to train, nephews?” Aemond asks.
Before anyone can respond, Vaemond Velaryon, another claimant to Driftmark, appears. His presence is intimidating, and he seems to harbor little fondness for your two nephews. You silently pray that the gods favor your nephews over him.
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“I apologize for being late, Your Grace.” you said, curtsying before taking your seat. Before dinner, you had so many things on your mind that you lost track of time in the bath, and by the time Nora came to fetch you, it was already late.
“A princess should know the importance of being punctual.” Alicent scolded you.
“It’s alright. Children always have many things on their minds.” your father said. “Go ahead, take your seat.” You nodded at your father and made your way to the empty seat beside Aemond. Helaena smiled at you, and you noticed Jacaerys watching you as well. He had been the reason you had been thinking about him all day.
“This is an occasion for celebration, it seems.” Viserys continued. “I announce here that my youngest daughter will marry my grandson, Jace. I have made my decision, and I ask you all to accept it.” Your father's declaration left the entire room in silence, including you.
You could hardly believe what you had just heard. You looked over at Jacaerys, who was already looking at you. Although you felt a small twinge of joy, the suddenness of the announcement left you stunned. Your mother's displeasure was immediately evident on her face. Viserys slowly stood and shared his thoughts.
People began to rise and speak, but you couldn’t focus on anything else. You were at a loss for words, unsure of how to feel.
“Sister.” your brother called. “Congratulations on your engagement.” Aemond spoke with a hint of amusement, knowing well that you never saw yourself ending up as a wife solely meant to bear children. But if it was Jacaerys...
“How should I feel?” you asked him.
“Be happy, at least he’s not like our eldest brother, sister.” he replied, surprising you. You expected him to mock or tease you, but instead, he offered you encouragement.
“Do you not resent them anymore?”
“I promised you before they arrived that I wouldn’t do anything to stir up trouble between us.” he replied. “I’m trying.” You raised your glass to toast to your brother's words, appreciating his sincerity.
The music played beautifully, and your mother seemed to have composed herself, while others engaged in lively conversation with those seated around them. Before long, Jacaerys stood and invited Helaena to dance with him. You felt a pang of envy as you watched them together—wasn’t he your betrothed?
“Has Daeron sent any news?” your brother beside you asked.
“He’s been training as usual, more diligently than ever.” you replied. “He asked me to thank you for the new book you sent him.” Although you were speaking to your brother, your eyes remained fixed on your newly betrothed. He was handsome, and the sudden betrothal your father had arranged had left your mind unsettled.
“Are you jealous?” your brother interrupted again. “Shall we dance together like they are?”
Your brother had been acting strange lately, starting from yesterday, today, and even now. Although he had promised, his behavior was beyond what you had expected.
“What do you want, brother?” you asked him seriously. “Are you planning to use me as a tool to hurt them?”
“You’re overthinking, sister.” he replied. “Wouldn’t it be better if I were to make friends with another heir to the Iron Throne?”
“Let’s hope that’s true.” you said, offering him your hand. “Don’t leave me behind. My feet are sore.”
The dinner proceeded smoothly, with everyone seeming to be one big happy family. You hoped this friendship would endure and not be shattered.
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You closed the door to your room and hurried over to your writing desk. There were so many things from today that you wanted to record and reflect upon. You thought about the conversation you had with Jace today, your heart pounding at the memory. You hoped he hadn’t noticed. Your face had flushed, and you couldn’t meet his eyes. You knew what this feeling was—you were falling in love with him. How could it be so simple?
Should you write to your twin about this? What advice would he give you? Or perhaps you should share this with Helaena, though she was likely busy with your nieces and nephews. In the end, you decided to jot it down in your personal journal, a simple and safe choice.
After trying to fall asleep in the darkness of your room, you realized it was no use. You couldn’t sleep. Perhaps a walk, like you often did, would help calm your thoughts. Before you knew it, you found yourself in the corridors of the Red Keep. The moon tonight was beautiful, and you stopped to gaze at it from a window, its light bright and close.
“Princess.” Jacaerys' voice startled you, nearly causing you to gasp out loud.
“Prince.” you curtsied, and he bowed in return.
“Are you unable to sleep?” he asked.
“Yes, I couldn’t sleep.”
“You must be worried about our betrothal.” he replied. “I swear on my honor, I will not dishonor you, Princess.”
“I will do the same.” you replied. The two of you stood there, looking at each other, and you found yourself at a loss for words. If it had been anyone else, you would have no trouble striking up a conversation, but with him, you were suddenly too anxious.
“I think we should both return to our rooms, Princess.” he said finally. “If you don’t mind, I’ll escort you back.” You nodded in agreement, and as you led the way, he followed at a slow pace.
When you reached your door, you realized it was time to bid him goodnight. You stopped, turned to face him, and gathered the courage to meet his gaze. His eyes were so beautiful, and you wondered if he could see how red your face was.
“Goodnight, my Prince.”
“Goodnight.” He remained where he stood, not turning to leave. You opened the door to your room and closed it slowly. He would leave after you shut the door, you assumed. Your hand clutched at your chest, feeling your heart hammering as if it would burst out of your body. Your hands were trembling. This must be the beginning of that foolishness you had always heard about.
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You were overjoyed when your sister said she would be staying here longer. It meant you could spend more time getting to know your betrothed and spending time with him. The activities you often did alone now had him joining you. You talked about matters of the kingdom, the families allied with yours, the histories of different dragons, or even trivial things.
For you, it was wonderful to spend time with him. There were days when the two of you talked until you fell asleep together. When your mother found out about this, she scolded you intensely, speaking about propriety and how others might perceive it. You were confined to your room for an entire week.
But Jacearys surprised you with the secret passage in your room. You wondered if there were passages like this all over the castle. He used that secret passage to visit you while you were locked in your room. You thought about how much effort he must have put in just to talk to you, and it made you think about him even more, falling in love with him all over again.
“So, how was practice today?” you asked him. “Did Ser Criston bother you again?” You were lying on the bed reading a book while he leaned against the headboard, staring at you.
“He seems to have stopped. Aemond kept him away from us.” he replied. You knew well that Criston didn’t seem to like Rhaenyra or her children, but it wasn’t good to pass that dislike onto others.
You closed your book and slowly sat up, crawling to sit beside him. Jace shifted slightly to give you more room. You rested your head on his shoulder, holding hands. One of his arms draped over your shoulder. Life here must have been hard for him—the stares from everyone, the words he often heard.
“I want to go to Dragonstone.”
“Then you’ll have to marry me and go live there with me.” you said, turning to look at the prince. He smiled slightly.
“And if I don’t marry you? Can’t I just go?”
“Wouldn’t you want us to go together, just the two of us?” Jacaerys leaned closer. You looked at him without blinking, and finally, your lips met slowly. He gently slipped his tongue into your mouth, teasing yours as if to savor every bit of sweetness from you.
After a while, the two of you pulled away, gazing into each other’s eyes before laughing together. Jace leaned in again to kiss your cheek.
Now you know what your desire is from here on out. No longer will you need to sleep to recall your dreams, because now your life feels like a dream, and you’ll be living in it forever.
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jinkiezzsstuff · 7 months ago
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Hey! I really loved your Covkwarming with Alastor Story. Would you maybe want to make one where Alastor is busy and reader wants his attention? Maybe he even snaps at her only to later search for her and make it up to her? With lots of fluff and maybe nsfw?
Hope you have a nice day
-🌸🦇
BRODI! You waited a whole month for this and I AM SO SORRY. I love and appreciate you and your request so much thank you very much for being patient, i really really loved this idea but dang april has been a crazy month for me, i hope you’re doing well and enjoy this fic it’s a longer one!
i’m actually really happy with how this turned out
warnings: SMUT 18+, angst, fluff, mean alastor, you guys fight, gaslighting girl boss alastor, established relationship (you were together before he went missing), loyal reader described, codependency kinda, some horror aspects?, descriptions of alastors dead food, alastor admits his emotions and issues in an alastor way, brief descriptions of reader having self sabotaging habits- drinking smoking/potsmoking too, GN reader although clit is used, penetrative sex, slow sex, swearing, alastor doesn’t like pillow talk lol i think that’s it but let me know not proof read
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Alastor was locked up in his radio tower, exhausted as he sifted through various forms of media coverage from his battle. Vox, the little electronic weasel, had his entire affair with Adam recorded and broadcasted around, which was frightful for Alastors image. Not only had he been gone for seven years, but he’s helping with a hotel that endorsed goodness. Needless to say Alastor wasn’t doing okay, his ears were constantly pulled back, smile strained, and he kept blowing the lights up and down. Hell, his static was so violent it even gave him headaches.
Even his shadows at this point began causing chaos, his own anxiousness and frustration bleeding off into them. Alastors isolation caused you to be extremely worried, you weren’t there while he fought Adam, you should’ve been, because since then he’s not been the same. You saw it on TV, the one Vox had broadcasted. Try as he may, Alastor didn’t keep it away long enough for you to not see, there was always someone else putting it back out there.
You didn’t bring it up to him- not that you could; he was too overly consumed in his tower. Incessantly shutting down broadcasts, throwing out power, attacking minor demons for spreading the information. It made you feel so very many unfortunate emotions, never in your many years of being dead have you ever seen him so erratic and emotionally disturbed.
Alastor would play pretend in public but you knew him, as did Husk, the two of you could tell he was tense, strained, constantly ready to snap, his poise was harder to keep. Lucifer presence in the hotel didn’t help at either, constantly trying to get into it with Alastor, which only furthered his isolation. You began to feel extremely lonely, it was rare in hell anyone was a good shoulder to cry on, or ear to hear, but you got used to going to Al after a long day, laying your head on his lap as he caressed your face and hummed you tunes, now you were alone most the time. None of his silly jokes filled the air, no you barging into your shared room and him attempting to hide his messy eating, no soft jazz playing next to you as you slept, no shadows trying to scare you, nothing.
It was incredibly lonely and the time without him showed how emotionally dependent you were on him. You wondered if he felt the same lonesomeness without you around, or if he didn’t even want you around? Maybe he was too wrapped up in his feelings to realize you weren’t around him? Did he have the same need for you as you did him? Did he miss little things about you as you did him.
Throwing your body off the couch and standing pin straight, you cut your thoughts off by marching towards Alastors tower on the far end of the hotel. You hadn’t been up there once since the battle, so this was bound to be interesting, and anxiety inducing. You could already feel the worry prickling your finger tips, making you even more uncomfortable. Knocking at Alastors door was, well, underwhelming, there was no sound, no movement, no indication he was even in there. Even shouting out at him normally would’ve gotten him to at least respond by now, it was rare he left people hanging like that, it wasn’t how he was brought up.
So you decide to cross the boundary you knew he loathed; intrusion. You entered with your breath held tightly making your throat clench, walking in you meekly hummed out his name. “Al? It’s been a long couple of days, I was wondering if you wanted some down time?” Your eyes bounced around the dark room, papers on the floor, radio frequency buzzing harshly in your ears, the low buzz of what sounded like hospital lights, it was all very creepy
Wringing your hands you came up toward his large table connected with cables and speakers, on the table was cups of coffee empty and half drank, corpses and bones of unfinished mutilated deer, and the smell of blood was something that suddenly hit you nearly knocking you back. As you covered your nose with your wrist, you back up and bumped into something, turning around with incredible speed. Alastor was there, taller than usual with his bones looking sharp and broken in his skin, his smile was stretched gruesomely making you nearly grimace, his eyes as well, wildly glaring down at you black and soulless. “Uh, I missed you.” You squeaked curling into yourself just at the sight of him.
Alastor hasn’t ever looked like this in front of you ever, it was such an abnormal and alarming look for you to set your eyes on. Alastor let out a jagged breath, his antlers growing in size with a nasty crunching sound to accompany it. “You disturbed my work, and snuck in, all because you missed me?” Alastor bent down to grab your attention, your eyes flickering to meet his own. You nodded at him, and he only hummed in return, standing tall and walking around his desk to sit at his chair. You turned on your heel to follow his movements, biting your lip with worry. Sure you were anxious before as you typically got with anybody, you weren’t confrontational and you weren’t one to cross the boundary, although you never expected him to look so angry with you.
“Perhaps, if that’s the case, you should find yourself another demon; I cannot be surrounded by the meek and emotionally stunted. My work, my image, will always come first my dear. Now, get out.” Alastor enunciated every word with his hands rested under his chin, and his head cocked to the side. Your stomach dropped and your cheeks watered like you were about to be sick, immediately your eyes widened, noises falling out of your mouth as you attempted to grasp at the words you were trying to say. “S-You’re breaking up with me?” Your voice was a wreck, struggling to expel the words past the sob that wanted to rip out of you, the disbelief evident in your tone. Alastor stood from his seat and leaned toward your face over the table, your lip quivered as he did so, trying your hardest not to cry.
“Heavens no! I’m simply saying if you can’t handle being a secondary priority perhaps you should take some time alone, remember what it is to be your own person! I will not bend my rules for some silly relationship.” His tone dripped with condescension and he finished his sentence with a boop on your nose. The only thing your mind could conjure was ‘how dare he?’ you never felt so insulted by him before. You always put him first, you waited seven years for his return defending his role in hell, and he sees you as secondary to himself. Does that mean he would save himself before you? Was this relationship only about his own desires, his own cravings and you weren’t important? You must be too sensitive about this?
“So you won’t spare me a moment because some stupid TV proved you aren’t invincible? Grow up Alastor please,” You could help the rage that slipped out in between your words, fists clenching, eyes narrowing. Alastor hissed statically at you. “Don’t for a second get it twisted up in your pretty little head that you are special, you are just like every other disposable sinner, i suggest you monitor your tone with me, dear.” Alastor crackled, his voice more electric than you’ve ever heard before. Your frown was deep, the tears silently falling down your cheeks. You didn’t even know what to say, instead you just shrugged with your head low, and turned around silently leaving him behind.
The moment you existed his tower you ran, your brain screamed to get away before somebody could question what was wrong or what happened. You couldn’t stomach the idea of being seen like this, and you didn’t want Alastor to come out and catch you, so you took off. You exited out the back without a trace, wandering into the streets of the pentagram. Eventually you found yourself back at your old apartment, which you still paid for as you really don’t plan to continue living at the hotel. When you got there you were finally able to let everything settle in you, it felt like the sadness slipped into your bones and weighed you down further into your sofa.
You didn’t move for hours, and eventually you ended up falling asleep. You left without a word, without your phone and without any of your stuff. Of course Alastor was very aware he made the choice to say the things he did, but he didn’t mean them, and after a short bit of reflection he could understand it was just an emotional response to the fear of being vulnerable. As well as the anxious thought dancing in his mind about the what ifs, what if he were to die, what if his plan fails and the deal goes wayward and you’re left with the pieces of his mess? What if Vox targets you, what if others do, do the citizens of hell see him as some weak mush because he’s dating you?
It’s all what led him to exploding; insecurity. Even the thought of having such a low tier emotion made his blood boil, but as long as nobody knew about it, he would find a way to quell it. Alastor waited, not wanting to impose while you were still going through thee emotions. However things started getting worrisome by the next day, nearly thirty hours into being gone and the patrons had begun to question him. Obviously Alastor didn’t know, and instead opted to sway the topic away from you and instead to something else.
The week came and gone like a blur, Alastor hadn’t seen you since you came into his tower and the rest of the hotel had set out to look for you with no luck. Alastor kept to his tower, telling himself if you wanted to be away that was your choice; he wasn’t chasing you like some lost puppy. Though he did find himself briefly wondering if you were still alive, after all Vox was out there watching through cameras on every corner and Adam’s corpse went missing and wasn’t accounted for, there was many threats to your safety he hadn’t thought of before.
With a sigh of static frustration, Alastor flicked his hand giving the okay to his right hand shadow to go find you, he couldn’t stand his thoughts anymore. And so it did, within seconds the shadow zipped and zoomed knowing exactly where you were, not that you were trying to hide. It slinked up against the paint peeling wall of your apartment, watching you on the couch, news softly sounding out as you read a book. Your home was a wreck, looking as though you’ve had fits upon fits of rage and lacked to clean after. Dishes piled, laundry scattered all across the linoleum floors. Alcohol, pot and cigarettes were a hefty scent in the room, it didn’t accompany the damp mold smell well at all. Oh what a thing you’d become without Alastor! The shadow watched like a fly on the wall for varying moments, studying you and your state before vaporising into the floor and taking off back to its master.
Honestly, you weren’t expecting Alastor to come knocking at your apartment door, so when you swung it open expecting your usual delivery guy, you were shocked and you didn’t bother fixing your depressed appearance. “Goodness gracious my little dame it looks like you’ve been dragged through mud!” Alastor laughed boisterously using his microphone to push you aside and barge in. You stood aside speechless, watching as he stepped inside with his hands rested just above his tail, surveying the room around him. His neck cracked disgustingly, his body forward while his head faced you, his grin tamed. “What happened here?” The words were simple but his tone was confusing, you couldn’t tell if he was angry, suspicious, or worried. You sneered at him, lip twitching upward as you slammed the door and wordlessly returned to your spot on the couch.
“I didn’t expect you to search, work come first yknow.” Oh yes, you planned to milk the words he said against you to berate him and his attempts to make up, you were in hell for a reason after all. Alastor huffed- like a buck would, something uncharacteristic for him to do outside of being alone with you, which sickeningly made your heart flutter, he still trusted you in a way, did that mean you were still his? You always told him he was more deer then he’d like to admit and those huffs were one of those deer attributes. “Hm yes, but you’ve been quite the work, I hope you know.” You clenched your teeth, trying not to snap instantly, but you did send him a glare.
You muttered about how that didn’t make things any better when he snapped his fingers, all things garbage vanishing in a pinch, mold included. “Ah, much better! My mother always said the state of the house is the state of the mind!” A round of applause sounds from his microphone as he laughed, rounding the couch with a slow stride. “Tell me, would you like to talk?” It felt more condescending then genuine, the way he was bent forward with lidded eyes and an eased smile, like you were some child having a tantrum. “No, Al, you made what you said pretty fuckin clear, i don’t wanna be with you if I am some chore or job, or secondary whatever!- i wanna be your partner and you want me to be a pet? Yeah, no thanks.” You punctuated your sentence with a dramatic scoff, flopping back into the cushions with your arms folded protectively across your chest.
“Ahhh my little doudou,” Alastor chided, sitting himself flush to you, arm around the back of the couch to trap you near him. “I want you to listen to me, and listen to me closely because i will never admit this again!” Alastor exclaimed this with what sounded to be false confidence and a slight hint of exasperation. He pinched your chin in between his claws forcing you to look at him, and of course you did, what else were you to do? “I have become a fool, all across the pentagram, I’m held by ball and chain— the devil my dear! The devil is- some frazzled little nitwit with all the power and no ambition!” Alastors fist clenched at the mention of Lucifer, abandoning your chin to do so. “I was feared my dear, nobody dared to test my authority, and now i’m an assumed bellboy for the princess and her gaggle of misfits. You,” Alastor paused leaning in so close your noses touched.
“My dear, were the only one i actually wouldn’t mind being weakened for.” You couldn’t stop the comical ‘huh’ that gargled straight from your throat. “What does that even mean Alastor.” You whine throwing your head back bumping his arm as you did so, an unknowing invitation to slide it down, hand caressing your shoulder softly. “It means dear, I didn’t mean what i said, because i’ve already done those exact things in the past! I’ve missed countless radio shows from you, refrained from eating deer around you- for your sake. I’ve held you to me on every block knowing Vox could see us perfectly! You were my chosen weakness, darling, but with all these other useless sinners belittling my role in hell, i took it out on you,”
Pausing Alastors static faded in and out, you watched his eyes closely, but the real give away was the way his ear subtly tilted to the side looking like a sad puppy. “I felt what i said, I felt weak and I knew you needed me and didn’t want to feel this weakness anymore, so logically-” You scoffed with a small smirk, mockingly muttering ‘logically’ back at him. “-I had to try to appear as though I am what I originally intended to be.” He finished giving you a pointed look. Shifting your body to face him more, you analysed his body language and face. Typically- no matter how long you’ve been together- he was amazing at hiding his emotions, always seeming to be happy. It seemed like he let his guard down however, his eyebrows were furrowed and pointed upward, his smile tight, shoulders rigid and his breathing shallow. Anticipation was evident by the way his hoof tapped against the floor with beat.
You finally let you emotion reignite, the tears slipped down your face like rivers as you gently shook your head. “What did you intend to be?” You asked softly, an unattractive spit bubble forming as you opened your mouth. “A ruler of sorts, i suppose. Emotionless, cruel, untouchable. I tried to reaffirm to myself by being cruel to you my dear, that i was still a demon, not the altruist teddy bear they all dubbed me as.” Alastors form had finally slumped, sinking into the cushions alongside you, his head falling back gazing up at the ceiling. You caved just slightly at his admission, and rested your head on his chest near his armpit, your body sinking into his. Suddenly he perked up, looking down at you, you reflexively shooting your gaze up to him.
“Yknow they made a mockery of my speech as well my dear! Preposterous, darling, many sinners posted about me being ‘cringe’, my speech was ‘corny’, my dearest can you believe that?” You almost took offence to the fact he sounded more distraught over being made fun of rather than hurting you, but you reminded yourself that Alastor was trying to open up, and you weren’t gonna ruin that. “Is that why you were killing randos instead of overlords?” You asked feeling more relaxed than you had before, obviously there was many words in between you two unsaid, but you wanted to bask in the small talk you craved for so long from him just a little longer.
“Precisely. I’m proud you noticed.” You hummed with a small smile, your head resting back on his chest. “Why did it take so long for you to come?” Despite not even thinking he would, you now had the knowledge he didn’t actually hate you, and if he didn’t why’d he drag it out? “Pride,” What would’ve been a hoarse voice to any other demon, was a staticy robotic sound that crackled out of his chest. “This is way out of my comfort my dear, i didn’t and still don’t know what to say or do, and i don’t like being out of control.” You whimpered at that, curling up into him, your legs slinging over his thighs so you could cuddle up next to him. Immediately his arms engulfed you, pulling you into him with a happy hum, his neck craning to kiss your head softly.
“i missed you, you really hurt me, bad. Don’t do it again.” You state firmly though it was muffled by the fabric of his coat, the one you had your face nuzzled into. Alastor hummed out softly petting you on your head, just like he would before. “Never again doudou~, you have my word, and i promise to make it up to you.” Tiling your head upward you yanked at his colar, and he immediately ducked down meeting your lips at will. The kiss was soft and Alastor could feel the dampness from your tears on your chin against him. After a moment you both pulled away, although not far from eachother your lips were practically still touching.
“Why don’t I give you some attention my sweet doe.” Alastor cooed against your lips, you could hear the mischief in his tone as his hand pawed your hips. You blinked slowly at him, an instant twist of desire appearing low in your gut. “How?” Alastors grin widened for the first time since appearing at your door, and you feared you’d truly be in for it tonight. “Oh my, have i neglected your needs so long you need to inquire how?” Alastor question was rhetorical only furthered by the way he kissed his teeth with his index finger coming up to shake side to side. “That simply will not do!” Standing suddenly, with you in his arms, made you gasp and clutch onto him instinctively. You smacked his chest playfully, muttering to him about being too heavy, he however ignored you, walking toward your old room with his head held high.
The room in question was a mess, and a thick layer of dust coated every object that wasn’t being continually used, like the nightstand, and the lamp. Alastor didn’t care much though, he never did care whether you were messy or super clean he’d always snap his fingers to assist you, and that’s exactly what he did. Slowly around the room things cleared up, his shadows slunk into the room with strange looking candles setting a romantic tone for the room. The bed was remade neatly when he set you on it gently, watching your doe eyes stare up at him with a familiar intensity that always made him fidgety. You let him flop you down without complaint, after all it wasn’t always that Alastor seemed so interested in getting down and dirty.
Standing above you, Alastor grinned down at you with lidded eyes, letting his long fingers dance down his chest to undo his buttons. He wasn’t really a fan of trying to appear sexually appealing to those around him, he’d never admit how out of the ordinary, and awkward it felt, but he knew you. You were his. You were loyal. You waited seven years just for him, never spilling a single secret. Secretly, he was way more comfortable with trying to appear “sexy” for you, because he knew no matter what, you wouldn’t look at him any differently. Alastor shrugged off his jacket, his button down shirt open exposing his chest to you. “Y'know dear,” A bit of southern drawl slipped out, as the mask he wore slipped away with his jacket. “You give me a very special outlet i do not think i’d have with any other sinner, you’re too kind to me.” Pulling off his shirt, he folded it and set it aside, kicking off his slacks right after, leaving himself in his boxers and long socks.
You watched him undress with wide eyes, you wanted nothing more then being pressed against the warmth of him, absorbing his touch. You however stayed still, letting Alastor relax into the mood as he rid himself of clothes. Alastor sat on the edge of the bed, right beside your hips, his hand traced lightly up and down your torso, occasionally dipping down to your thighs. You felt tense at the touch, both anticipation and insecurity making you feel stiff. Suddenly his claw hooked around the band of both your undergarments and pants, his eyes flickering up to inspect you when he did so. “May I?” His voice was soft, the usual uncertainty present as he felt out of his realm. “Yes, please.” You sigh, your tone nearly whiny. “I missed you so much Alastor,” You admit hushed as his claws brushed down your thighs with your clothes. Once off, Alastor leaned down, giving soft pecks to your thighs, eyes staring up to you through his red lashes. “Yes dear, my life been painstaking without you.” He whispered against your flesh, sharp teeth dragging up past your hips, nose bumping the cloth of your shirt. Sitting up slightly, you were preparing to slid your shirt over your head when Alastors body slid between your legs, claws coming up to pinch and lift the fabric exposing your chest.
With him now face to face with you, leaned over your body, you caved. Your hands slid around his neck guiding him toward you slowly, your lips met instantly like two magnets being held just inches apart. It was a sweet kiss for the most part, your lips meshed against his as you let him control the pace, it was nice with Alastor you always had enough time for the heat to simmer and grow, making foreplay unnecessary most times because he naturally took his time. You raked your fingers through his hair, nails scratching up his scalp causing ripples of goosebumps down his arms. Alastor slipped his tongue delicately licked at your lip, brushing as soft as ever. You were a bit shocked at this, typically he wasn’t into french kissing, lamenting that the whole tongue thing was messy and disgusting feeling. However you didn’t fight him, only allowed him access, which he immediately took with ease slipping his tongue against your own.
His body collided into yours, nose bumping your cheek as he angled his head. Your hands slipped down his back, smiling against his lips at the feeling of his tail wagging back and forth making small gusts of wind against your fingertips. Alastor nipped at your lips in retaliation, hands roaming your body as he pushed his hips up to softly grind his hard on into you. You hummed at the feeling of him against you, angling your hips back and up pressing your wetness against his briefs. Your body was buzzing while Alastor slowly grinded himself down on you, his clothed head travelling between your folds and back up to poke at your clit. The kiss had broken as he continued on, your breathing shaky as you enjoyed the slow motion of him above you, his teeth scraping down the length of your neck.
Alastor couldn’t help the groan that bubbled out of him. Not only could he smell your arousal but he could smell just you. He pressed his face to the nape of your neck, kissing and inhaling, loving the smell you had naturally on your skin. He also got quite the kick out of hearing the blood rush through your veins, it made him feel feral knowing you would bare yourself to him so willingly, he had you around his finger. Alastor let his lips glide down your body, leaving bite marks down your chest and neck as he did so, hips still moving slowly against you. You had soaked his briefs making the fabric feel absent, clinging to every ridge and vein of his cock slide through your folds. “Please Al, I need you.” You whined pathetically, pressing your hips up into his. Alastors choppy breath warmed your collar bone, his forehead rested on your shoulder, eyes closed as he slipped his hand down, yanking himself out of his boxers.
Sometimes he felt like an untrained dog, he couldn’t help but want to hump into you without restraint, but that wasn’t him, that was desire, and he knew how to hold back. As he sunk into you, slowly, he breathed out the quietest of noises against you shoulder, basking in you. You could hear his quiet noises clearly since he was so close, you bite your lip at the sound of him, loving how he always let you see him so wrecked. When Alastors hips were flush with your own, your legs came up around his hips, his tail stiff, while your arms wrapped around his neck, your right hand dragging up his scalp to his ears. “I like hearing you, Alastor,” You gasped as he jolted into you, like an involuntary reaction to your praise. “It makes me feel you.” You finished breathlessly. Alastor hummed against you, setting his pace slow and deep, barely pulling away before he pushed hard back inside you.
Your eyes were wide as he continued this rhythm, to you it was incredibly overwhelming, he never left you vacant always hungry to fill you right back up with him. His pants against you were also adding to your arousal, his eyelashes fluttered against your skin ever now and again as he attempted to contain himself. You knew he was sort of embarrassed with himself feeling pleasure, so you never egged him on when he did start making noise, but lord you wanted more. You tugged Alastors hair softly, pulling him up for a sloppy opened mouth kiss. He barely opened his eyes as he mushed his lips against yours, snaking his tongue against your own, bucking up faster into you at the warmth of your mouth. “I missed you, i love you,” You cried against his lips pathetically, your body’s both rocking on the bed as Alastor hurried his pace.
Alastor let out a low guttural noise, something from the back of his throat making your toes curl, pulling at his hips with your legs. “I couldn’t- stand you being away, dear.” Alastors face was inches from your own, forehead rested on yours, lips brushing against each other as he spoke. “Never again will i be such a fool, you’re mine forever.” Alastor growled through his clenched teeth, claws ripping into the mattress as he spoke. Your mouth hung open, eyebrows raised as you tried to from some sort of praise, but now his eyes were open looking down at you with such intensity and emotion, and his pace fast hard putting your body straight into the mattress. You didn’t even feel your orgasm coming on when it did, your body arching up into his, crying out his name alongside pleas.
The display of you in front of him was so pornographic, something he wasn’t fond of seeing but now understood why people were. You were gorgeous right now, your face red, your eyes watering, your body folded up towards his, all the scars, folds marks on your body, all for his eyes only. Groaning loudly, he fell back into his favourite place, your neck, and let out a deep breathless static moan as he came. You clutched him the entire time through watery blurred eyes, enjoying the feeling of him inside you post orgasm. Pulling away, Alastor was quick to pull out and away, snapping his fingers he began to clean you with a cloth. “Disgusting of me,” He muttered, seemingly angrily. “No, it was good Al, you’re allowed to. You’re not disgusting and neither was the sex, believe me.” You coo, sitting up from your position, a dopey look on your face. In a snap, Alastor was redressed as were you, in leisure clothing. “We’re going back to the hotel to sleep my little doe.” Alastor spoke softly, lending his hand to you, humming you took his hand letting him take you through his magic, back to the hotel. You knew Alastor didn’t like to lay sticky in the remnants of sex like many others, and probably would push you to shower before getting in his bed. But that way okay, you loved him regardless, and you really missed having his attention.
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dcmcboxers · 11 months ago
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My shout-out to queer youtubers
Hbombs list was great but obviously not comprehensive. I watch a lot of video essayists and wanted to give a little love to the smaller channels that fall under the radar. Please feel free to add to this list!
let's talk about stuff/Sarah Zedig
If you've seen Jesse Gender's videos on the Matrix movies you may already be familiar with Sarah. She does excellent film and culture analysis with a lot of great conversations on paratext and outside influence in engaging with text. Her video on Tunic is one of my favorites.
youtube
Pamphleteer
No one makes videos like hers, which has the side effect making them a bit hard to describe. I will link one of my favorites which describes the disconnected temporality of being older when you discover you're queer.
youtube
Turbo Queer
Really really under watched channel. Skylar covers a lot of topics from video games, to anarchist history and modern events, to autistic life, to current politics. For a fun one check out her video on the SpongeBob strike episode.
youtube
Kaz Rowe
Kaz does a fantastic job examining modern myths and manufactured history primarily pertaining to western Europe, Victorian & Edwardian England, and 1800-1900s US. And of course, talking about historical queerness in all its ambiguities and evolutions. I highly recommend their video on Weimar Germany.
youtube
drapetomania
drapetomania interrogates the politics of low class and high class art and entertainment from a queer and Black perspective. Their art history videos alone cover many angles of white supremacist history I haven't seen anyone else discuss and I'm very excited to see more from them. They are also a very under viewed channel that more people should see!
youtube
I am error
Evelynn's channel primarily discusses video games in a presentation style and voice most similar to Action Button reviews. There's something just a bit more personal here though. I hesitate to say cozy since that word has a bit of an infantilizing connotation, maybe comforting is closer. She puts an immense amount of thought and empathy into the experience of playing video games and the personal narratives we build with them.
youtube
Swolesome
For more transmasc perspectives there's Swolesome. He has a lot of interesting insights into the more traditionally masculine and "broish" communities like fitness as well as commentary on recent trans issues.
youtube
Shonalika
Music, disability, and aggressively non-binary. Their video on gender presentation in heavy metal was really insightful. I would also check out the video "Why I Wear Gloves" for more insight on invisible disabilities.
youtube
Vivian Strange
Vivian delights in being a bit of a contrarian- something I really appreciate. She's probably going to challenge you and you're probably going to disagree at times, which is what makes her channel so important. Her video on Marquis De Sade is powerful and a must watch (if you can stomach the subject material, although I would encourage you to try). I haven't seen her most recent video on Saw yet but I am extremely excited to.
youtube
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avi-on-jumblr · 11 months ago
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awful tweet warning:
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Before I describe everything that's wrong with this tweet, let me transcribe Stephen Fry's words:
I am Stephen Fry, and I am a Jew. The great Irish thinker and writer Conor Cruise O'Brien once said that antisemitism is a light sleeper. Well, it seems to have woken up of late. The horrendous events of October 7th, and the Israeli response, seem to have stirred up this ancient hatred. It's agonizing to see all violence and destruction that is unfolding, and the terrible loss of life on both sides brings me an overwhelming sadness and heartache. But whatever our opinions on what is happening, there can be no excuse for the behaviour of some of our citizens. Since October the 7th, there have been 50 separate reported incidents of antisemitism every single day in London alone, an increase of 1350%, according to the Metropolitan police. Shop windows smashed, stars of David and swastikas daubed on walls of Jewish properties, synagogues, and cemeteries. Jewish schools have been forced to close. There is real fear stalking the Jewish neighbourhoods of Britain. Jewish people here are becoming fearful of showing themselves, in Britain, in 2023.
(Then it cuts off.)
For those who still don't know why this tweet was ignorant and inane, let me explain.
"To hear him conflate antiZionism with antisemitism has shocked me."
Guess how many times Stephen Fry mentions zionism? Zero! Guess how many times he mentions the country of Israel? Zero! (Unless you count "the Israeli response" which is unrelated to the existence of the country, or Zionism at all.) What this person is saying, is that they consider the smashing of shop windows, and the vandalism and marking of Jewish property, to be anti-Zionism. Considering they are an anti-Zionist, by following their logic, we can conclude that they not only believe this destruction and harassment is acceptable, but they believe it is ethical.
Further, they accuse him of showing no care for the Palestinians, even though he explicitly states that the loss of life on both sides brings him overwhelming sadness.
Finally, they accuse him of "[Centring] people in this country". It is disturbing that this person believes one cannot be concerned over two issues at a time. It perpetuates the idea that we can only talk about the "worst oppression" and talking about anything else means you are complicit in "silencing" someone else. If this were true, we would not be allowed to talk about Gaza either, or Ukraine, or police brutality, racism, islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and so on and so on, because clearly there are other issues with hundreds of thousands more deaths, and millions more displacements, so why bring attention to it ever?
Unfortunately, people are not talking about those countries, like Syria, Yemen, Ethiopia, Congo, and more, and anyone who does is spammed with "free Palestine" comments. In fact, the most I've heard people talking about Sudan is when these TikTok geopolitical experts attempt to spam the Palestinian flag and get it wrong.
This is not new. This is obviously not new. I have seen tweets like these every single day in the hundreds for the last 80 days. It is not surprising that people think smashing windows is "anti-zionism", nor that they think it good. It is not surprising that they hear a Jew speak, and experience shock and disgust, regardless of what we say.
I do wonder if they would regard anything short of a second Holocaust as antisemitism.
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