#there's stuff that seems neither romantic nor platonic to me

[fallen--starlight]

oh, this is very interesting to read! and honestly, it makes a lot of sense. which gets me thinking about the topic of a/c & love !! which is something i think about a lot cause i'm on the aro spectrum (and im also ace, which also plays a part into this), and there's a lot of overlap between my platonic and romantic expressions of love, to the point that i guess you could say my romantic expressions are nearly the same as my platonic ones, the difference to me is what i call "personal vibes". point being, i think that up until s2e6 it was very easy to see aziraphale and crowley as platonic (or at least non romantic) because for a lot of people that's just the kind of dynamic they have with people in a non romantic way, and the way i see it is as "romantic/queer platonic, because many of my romantic expressions are not conventionally romantic".

i think this was kinda messy because i find it difficult to explain my own takes on love & such cause being aroace is weird, but tl;dr: i agree with you and i think you have a really valid point that isn't talked about as much as it probably should.

few things bother me more than people saying that it’s “dumb” or “intentional ignoring” or “impossible” to have interpreted crowley and aziraphale’s relationship platonically.

and look i could go on about all the things that do point to romance but enough people have done that so i’m gonna defend myself here and explain why i read them as platonic for so long and why i think it’s perfectly reasonable to have read them platonically.

and a disclaimer that all of this is from my perspective and my opinion. so if i make a statement as though it’s matter of fact, know that i’m speaking from my perspective and just can’t be bothered to preface every sentence with “in my opinion…”

a LOT more under the cut

and it mostly boils down to one thing: their love reflected the love me and my friends have for each other.

so no shit i interpreted them platonically because they looked like my real life platonic relationships!!

i’ve talked at length about how i think there’s a specificity to the way queer people love. i think there’s something special about the way queer people show love, especially platonic love.

here’s the thing. i’ve been mistaken as my best friend of 16 years’ girlfriend more than once. i’ve been mistaken as one of my other best friend’s partner so many times her friends were genuinely shocked when she got a boyfriend because they thought she was dating me.

i understand the whole “being so platonically in love that people think you’re also fucking” situation. i unironically live that situation on the regular. so naturally i assumed that’s what was happening with aziraphale and crowley.

my thought process was basically this

1) they love like i love (specifically, crowley loves like i love). therefore, they’re platonically in love.

2) weird, everyone on the internet is convinced they’re dating. something something everyone values romantic love over platonic love

3) well whatever they’re still platonic in my heart

and it stayed like that quite literally until i watched episode 6 of season 2. and you can tell me i was being oblivious all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that i genuinely believed they were platonic. queer platonic? sure. but definitely not romantic.

i saw all the witty quips and banter between the two of them and didn’t read any sexual or romantic tension, i read friendship. i saw aziraphale damsel in distress-ing himself on the regular so crowley could save him and thought “well it’s the only way he can spend time with crowley. checks out”. and i saw the bandstand breakup and the burning bookshop and “you told my only friend to shut his mouth and die and i did. not. care. for it.” and aziraphale so desperately trying to shield crowley from the horrors of the world and obviously i saw love. a love that is deep and profound, yes. it just never read romantic to me because i would do and say all of those things for and to my friends.

one of the few things i will never cease to find joy in is my friendships. i will ALWAYS love loving the people close to me, i will ALWAYS support them, and most importantly, i ALWAYS want to protect them. even when i know what is going to happen is inevitable, i don’t want to see them hurt. i want to shield them from the cataclysmic experience of the human condition and only have to experience in the moments of joy that await them. i don’t want to see the people i love hurt or in pain or jaded by how fucked up the world is.

because i already am those things. i am jaded by the world, i’m constant falling into the pit of cynical despair that the state of the world can manage to throw you down. and i know how fucking hard it is to pull yourself out of that place, to find hope and move forward and allow yourself to even enjoy the love and support you do have in life.

and the last thing i ever want is for the people i love dearly to experience those things.

so yeah. i related hard fucking core to crowley and the way he loves aziraphale SO. FUCKING. DEEPLY. and of course i read it platonically because it’s platonic for me. so deeply platonic in the best way.

and i could go on about how a lot of this stems from how much i value platonic love. how much i don’t adhere to social norms of love and how people express love. i will loudly proclaim my love for my friends, because i love them. i’m in love with them. but that doesn’t mean i want to date them or kiss them. and that makes perfect sense to me, and if it doesn’t make sense to you. well then, idk what to tell you.

this is longer than i intended but my point is that it hurts seeing people who act like those of us who did genuinely read aziracrow as platonic the first go around are stupid or that we chose to ignore the romance.

because, to me at least, it always felt like people were calling the way i love stupid or that i’m actually ignoring my “real” feelings

[luveline]

I was just rereading your marauders sex shop blurb. I love how the boys have just adopted reader into their group, and how open they are with their affection for her. You do such a wonderful job of writing intimacy that rides the line between platonic and romantic. And I love the readers inter monologue of wondering if that intimacy means something more romantic like she wishes. It’s wonderful! I was also wondering if there’s a blurb on how the boys met reader for the first time?

thank you so much, that’s so nice of you <3 there wasn’t one but I hope this is okay!! —Remus, Sirius and James move into their new flat. You’re helpful. fem, 1k

The stairwell is filled with the sounds of kissing. Remus frowns, heart beating quickly, arms aching under the weight of yet another box. He gets to the top of the stairs and peeks around the box’s sides. 

Sitting on the step of their new doorway is James. And, sitting on top of James, stroking his cheek, is Sirius. His hair is falling all over the place and they’re kissing so much Remus assumes they’ll have bruised noses. They often turn their kisses into a fight, like one of them can win, though it never really ends that way. He wants to laugh as Sirius pushes James down for more kissing, and he sort of wants to watch regardless because they’re both good kissers and he’d quite like to be included, but mostly he needs the heavy box put away. 

“Someone please help me,” Remus says. 

James breaks away. Sirius squeezes his face and begins to kiss his neck. 

“Baby,” James says as he pushes him away, which is funny, unlike him and unlike Sirius to be called it, but also not actually unlike either of them when Remus really thinks about it. 

Sirius gives a last peck and pulls away. When he gets up to look at Remus properly he’s flushed all over from the activity, his neck and face turning red in splotches. 

Sirius and James have spent a lot of time spoiling Remus into love. He would’ve ended up there regardless, but he’s used to being the centre of attention. It was nice to see them kissing, and he wishes he didn’t interrupt quickly, but neither party seems to begrudge him. Sirius stands up and James is a second behind him, taking the heavy box from Remus’ arms before it can topple to the floor. 

“We’re on break,” James says with a grin. “Especially you.” 

“We have to take the van back tonight, in case you forgot. There’s still half our stuff in there.” 

“If we have to pay their fine, it’s fine,” James says, shifting the box against his chest. “I’d much rather pay the extra day than have us all hurt ourselves. How will we ever test the big bed if poor Remus can’t move?” 

“Poor Remus,” Sirius says, taking Remus’ hand to play with his fingers. 

This is pretty much everything Remus has ever wanted. To get to keep his two best friends forever, to be in love, to live together in a new city with good food and better cinemas. And here, nobody knows them. Nobody to judge them or give them strange looks. They can just be together like they’ve always wanted to be. 

Remus leans down to put his face against Sirius’ chest, their hands still held, Sirius’ free arm wrapping around him loosely. 

“Tired?” Sirius asks. 

James reluctantly leaves for the kitchen to put down their heavy box. 

“No. We really need to empty the van.”

“We will.” Sirius drops his nose against Remus’ hair. “Cliche if I kiss you?” 

“I like cliches.” 

Sirius puts his lips to Remus temple. Barely a kiss, no movement nor sound, but Remus knows it counts. It’s about intention. 

“Would you like a rough one?” Sirius asks quietly. 

“Maybe later.” 

“Please, let me give you one,” he says. 

“And have you press me into the floor? I don’t think so.” 

Sirius tips Remus’ head up and presses a kiss to Remus’ Cupid’s bow in an act of lifting his face, and then presses an equally gentle kiss to his lips. All this kissing… 

“I’m so happy we’ve moved,” Remus admits. 

Sirius squeezes his fingers, pulling away to meet charmed eyes. “All we need to do is find James a new team, and it’s perfect. Everything, finally.” 

“Hello?” someone calls. 

Sirius and Remus keep their hands held and shuffle across the hall to look down at the square. The flat building is strange, big and with an interior that’s an exterior, and you stand on the grass with a smile. 

“Hi!” you say, hands on your hips. You’re dressed for the strange weather, jeans and a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie, entirely non-assuming. “Are you guys moving in?” 

“We are!” Remus says back. “You live here?” 

“My friend, I came to make sure her cat was okay, she’s gone to Ibiza. Do you need help?” 

“Oh, no, we couldn’t ask you to!” Remus says. 

“Sure you can!” 

You smile, and Remus thinks you look really lovely when you smile, it changes everything about your face. He feels guilty for the thought quickly, but it’s not as though being in a relationship means he can’t tell when girls are pretty. 

“Are you busy?” Sirius asks. 

You grin and make for the metal stairs up to the flat. 

Remus peeks at him in surprise, then suspicion, but Sirius only smiles at him. “We’re making friends already,” Sirius says, giving him a nudge. “That’s what we wanted.” 

James returns, having taken off his hoodie, a brown t-shirt loose on his frame. His own, then, because he insists on stealing from everybody’s wardrobes and stretching out their clothes. 

“Why are you guys shouting?” 

“Nice girl’s gonna come help us move.” 

James raises his eyebrows. 

‘Nice girl’ makes her way up the stairs. You’re still grinning when you get to the top, unperturbed by the appearance of another boy. “Hi,” you say, holding out your hand for an introduction. “I’m Y/N.” 

It’s the start of a long road. Remus shakes your hand and gets the sort of butterflies he’s terrified of now, though eventually Sirius and James will admit to the exact same thing, and no one will know what to do about it.

[helslastangel]

Mars in 1H & 7H Synastry: From My Experiences 🔞

Minors, do not interact. This one's not for you.

I know this is widely known with 1H Mars synastry, but it bears repeating: this is such an electric and sexy aspect to have!

...IF you like each other. But if you don't?

Especially if the attraction is one-sided? It is SO cringe. One of you could end up hating the other easily.

In fact, let me tell you two stories that show just how differently things can go with this aspect.

Positive 1H Mars Synastry

Guy A: Leo Sun, Virgo Moon, Cancer Rising & Venus

I have my Mars in his 1H and his Venus is in my 1H.

This a VERY physical aspect, so if you're the type who loves long hugs, hugs from behind, poking, nibbling, cuddling, kissing and a LOT of sex, even after YEARS together, then keep an eye out for this aspect.

Guy A was my boyfriend of 4 years and we broke up right around the time we would have been talking engagement and such. He was also my best friend for 8 years (which would be 15 years now if we hadn't stopped talking a year after the break up).

I was wildly attracted to this guy from day one. And vice versa! And when we finally got together? Literally could not stop touching each other. It was so funny at times. You know those annoying couples trying to hold hands, steer the cart, and pick stuff up all at once in the grocery store? Yeah, we were that couple. Typically, if I wasn't literally on his lap, I'd be under his arm or pretty much pressed up beside him somehow-and vice versa. Watching TV? Someone's head would be in the other's lap, someone's hands would be in the other's hair, or rubbing their arm or belly.

I remember the first time Guy A and I went on a cute lunch date, before we officially got together. Everyone was pointing and giggling at us because it was sooooo obvious we both couldn't keep our hands off each other at all. 😂

To this day, neither his parents nor mine can believe we didn't get married. We probably should have, tbh. Lol.

Negative 1H Mars Synastry:

Guy B: Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon & Rising, Aries Venus.

I also have my Mars in his 1H. (His moon is in my 1H).

Mars in 1st synastry in one-sided connections is the absolute worst because one of you is madly (VERY madly) in lust confused for love, and the other is perpetually annoyed but attached to the adrenaline rush from all the static, especially if life isn't otherwise exciting at the time.

Guy B was long-term frenemy who I did NOT like romantically and barely liked platonically. We met on a dating site and the conversation was great but from the 1st date in person, I was instantly turned off. All his mannerisms annoyed me, I wasn't attracted to him, and I didn't want him to touch me at all. My reflex was to pull away when he tried. He was extremely attracted to me for some reason despite this, and never let it go. Not even years later. He begged to stay friends when I declined a 2nd date and I was too nice back then so I reluctantly agreed.

Every time he touched me, I wanted to backflip into a volcano. A simple hug made me irrationally angry if he tried to linger half a second too long. It didn't help that he'd always complain about me giving "church hugs."

And before the men start carrying on about how he must have been short, yada yada yada... no, lol he's 6' 5" and fairly good-looking. Just didn't like him then and still don't now.

Our dynamic was always very aggressive, especially from my end. Even our mutual friends noticed that I seemed like a different person specifically around him and not in a good way. I was verbally combative and physically tense around him, even my voice sounded less soft and I was extremely sarcastic. I don't know if he's into girls who are normally like that or if his Aries Venus just liked the challenge, but that annoyed me even more. My dad met him once and immediately acted like he wasn't even there and my mom was like "Yeah, no, don't ever date each other because one of you won't make it out of that alive, it's very obvious."

She's definitely not wrong, our entire "friendship" was a strange anomaly defined around me being perpetually annoyed that he existed but also finding entertainment in all the toxicity and him pretending not to notice that Id happily sell him to the devil for a bag of chips and continuously convincing himself that I secretly liked him.

I told him multiple times he was free to react like a normal human being and not talk to me and his response was, "Eh, I know but somehow even though I hate arguing, I don't really mind arguing with you. Like I hate it but at the same time, it's you. I'm used to it now."

Idk to say about that but yeah, there you have it folks. The moral of the story is: there are always two sides to a coin 😂

Synastry is something that can go two (if not more) ways. No placement or aspect is ever guaranteed to be positive or negative, though some skew one way or the other. If they were, we could all find our perfect matches just by picking birth charts out of a jar and studying them. Be mindful and listen to what your heart and gut tell you and then use your head.

All that being said though, can I talk about 7H Mars synastry for a sec? GOSH I LOVE when someone's Mars is in my 7H.

Mars in 7H Synastry (Positive)

Guy C: Aries Sun, Scorpio Moon, Scorpio Rising, Aries Venus

He has Capricorn Mars in my 7H and my gawd. So intentional. This was eons ago. Technically my second boyfriend, but this was the first serious boyfriend who I had all my first times with. The moment my very own McSteamy decided he wanted to date me, there was no long drawn out "should I, shouldn't I, she loves me, she loves me not" - none of that wishy-washy shit. He strolled right up to me and said, "Look, you're allowed to say yes, no, or "get lost, fool" -whatever you want. And I know this may seem a bit soon, and to be honest when I first met you, I didn't know what to think, you kinda seemed like a miss-goody-two-shoes type. But getting to know you for a couple months? I realize you're actually quite a rebel and adventurous like me, but also smart and know how to lay low and play a character when you need to. Anyway, I'd really like to kiss you, but I'm gonna ask you to be my girlfriend first, so let me know."

Well, hell I said yes before he was even done talking and he picked me right up and kissed me against the wall. That was my first kiss too, and a great memory. I love direct people who know what they want, aren't scared to take a risk and are comfortable taking the lead, especially when it's a relationship. That's a Capricorn Mars right there. With Capricorn moon in my 7H that was literally like hitting the jackpot- except I was so young. He was 8 years older than me and ready to settle down. I was just about to fly the nest and see the world and he was kind enough to realize this and not hold me back when I decided to leave.

I will say this placement is excellent if you're sure about wanting a family, kids, and the whole white picket fence thing. I made the right choice as I'm still childfree by choice now and would rather live a semi-nomadic life, working and traveling the world with someone who is the same kind of crazy as me.

I'm not sure if I've experienced any negative Mars 7H house synastry. There are so people I've connected with whose birthdays I've either forgotten or didn't ask for, so I don't have their charts. Of the charts I do have, Guy C is the only one I have this aspect with. I haven't quite felt the same 100% confident, 'all-in' relationship energy from anyone else.

I am curious about how the negative side of this would go, so if any of you have had bad experiences with Mars 7H synastry and want to share, let's meet in the comments 😹

[paradox-n-bedrock]

I actually find Donna and Shaun's marriage kind of fascinating and think there's a solid middle ground to be found between the "dead relationship, full of resentment and apathy" and "ideal couple, super in love" camps. I try to give hints of that in the stuff I've been working on (expect gratuitous use of that Shaun Temple is Tired tag), but I really want to explore it a little more deeply.

There are potential consequences from Donna suddenly being a package deal with her best friend and canonical love of her life but neither immediate divorce nor a seamless transition into an alternative relationship structure feel very likely (though there's no shame in using either or dealing with it off-page if it doesn't suit the fic). I just crave some more complex, nuanced takes on them adapting to the changes in or the dissolution of the marriage.

Plus, people are sleeping on the sheer drama of: you fell in love with an amazing but troubled woman and fifteen years later she unlocks memories that fundamentally changed her as a person, including the relationship with someone she wanted to stay with forever. Oh, and the two of them are inseparable again, so you've got a brand new member of the household.

I know we appreciate Shaun's ability to just roll with stuff, but it's a major change regardless of whether you prefer platonic or romantic DoctorDonna. Like Donna being herself in all her glory is gonna make or break that marriage, no matter where their existing relationship is at. And both options have the potential to be interesting. Do they not fit together anymore, no matter how happy for her Shaun might be, or, despite some growing pains, is it as good for their relationship as it is for Donna personally? Does having the memory issue and the financial stress solved allow frustrations in the relationship to heal? Or do they find they're not as securely bound together as they thought? I do think romcom jealousy is boring but suddenly watching someone else irrefutably bring out the happiest, best version of your spouse might bring up some complicated emotions.

As an aside, the parallels between Shaun and Lee also make me a little crazy. She picked another handsome, easy going, virtually silent man who seems to defer to her the vast majority of the time. Their kid has her last name. She sits at the head of the table like a queen holding court. I love it, anything else wouldn't feel right, but I just can't stop hearing, "What does that say about me?" "Everything."

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours in the Moonlight: Persevering Afterlight - 6. Something to Prove

Summary: Yet another young vampire who was apparently eager to prove himself in some way, but you couldn’t say you exactly disliked Jack, even though he was different from Epel. After all, there was something rather endearing about him.

Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1056

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

It was Jack who met me at the entryway to the Savanaclaw Clan, and I would have been lying if I’d said it wasn’t a relief.

After what I’d learned from Vil last night, I’d found something new to fear. I’d redoubled my efforts in planning, but despite my resolution to get to the bottom of this matter, my plotting had done little good.

At the end of the day, all I knew was that more and more vampires had been losing themselves to insanity for some reason and that a good number of them came from the Savanaclaw Clan. Other than that, I had nothing to go on, which left me with no clear way forward.

Jack eyed me as we walked through the stone-walled building towards a more secluded location where the other vampires wouldn’t be able to stare at me like they were now. 

It seemed as if they were still not used to the idea of a vampire hunter being in their midst. And I could respect that, though I couldn’t say I cared for the weight of their cumulative gazes. Especially since some of the gazes felt distinctly less wary and definitely more hungry.

“So what’s the plan?” Jack’s question almost brought a smile to my lips. Because as terse as it may have sounded it also meant that he trusted me enough for him to view me as the one in charge of this evaluation. Though I supposed that made only sense considering the fact that it was the so-called ‘head vampire’ who had given me this job.

Vil had mentioned before he’d left last night, after questioning me as to if I’d met anyone I was willing to trust in the Savanaclaw Clan and hearing about Jack, that he had met Jack before and that he seemed like a nice guy.

In hindsight, I genuinely wished that I’d taken the time to ask when, exactly, he’d met Jack simply out of curiosity, but I hadn't. My mind had been too filled with concerns about those I cared for losing themselves to insanity caused by vampirism.

Nonetheless, neither Jack’s wary trust nor Crowley's throwing of this entire mess into my lap made me feel anymore prepared. And a part of me felt guilty about that. Especially since I knew that there was quite a bit riding on my success.

I exhaled quietly before looking over at Jack, my gaze colliding with his golden-eyed stare as I spoke, “To start with, I need to understand more about what all ‘the change’ entails.”

Jack’s brows furrowed almost immediately at my words. But then I suppose it was an odd statement since most vampire hunters probably knew all about what vampires went through as they went from mortal to immortal undead beings.

All told, the wisest decision probably would have been to ask Vil or Rook about all of this, but after the revelation I’d had last night, any such thoughts had slipped my mind. 

I had no idea when I’d next see Vil, much less Rook, since both of them were no doubt dealing with all of the new applicants to the Pomefiore Clan, and that left me with few options.

After a brief moment of silence, Jack shook his head slightly before starting to rub at the back of his neck in an almost self-conscious gesture, “I’m probably not the best to ask about that sort of stuff. I haven’t been a vampire for very long myself….” 

He trailed off awkwardly, and I found myself staring at him in honest surprise, “You haven’t?”

He looked at me silently, almost as if he were surprised by my words, before he slowly shook his head, “No. I got changed by an insane vampire on the streets. Leona found me and brought me here, but I don't remember much about the process.”

I nodded slowly at his words, still surprised to learn that he was a young vampire. But then, I suppose there was something young about Jack.

When we’d walked through the crowded hallways of the Savanaclaw clan, both now and last night, he’d carried himself like he still had something to prove.

Almost like a teenage boy who was still coming into his own.

“Well… Who do you recommend we ask about it?” My question seemed to catch him off-guard, but he recovered fairly quickly. 

His answer was unhesitating and immediate as soon as he’d recovered from my apparently surprising question, “Probably Ruggie. He knows about a lot of stuff, and Leona trusts him.”

I nodded slowly at Jack’s words, recalling the shorter young man with those large fluffy ears. As I recalled, Leona had told him to look out for me just after calling for Jack.

A part of me wondered how this would go over since Ruggie had ditched both me and Jack as soon as he could, even as I turned to glance around the large, mostly empty room we were in, feeling distinctly, and not for the first time, like I was being watched, “Now where do you suppose he is…?”

My words had been murmured, but Jack didn’t seem to have any trouble hearing them. And, to be fair, he had some rather impressively sized ears that certainly indicated a canine influence.

“I know where he’s at; follow me,” He straightened like he’d been given a sacred mission as he signaled for me to follow him, and I found myself smiling. Wondering how I’d ever missed how eager Jack seemed to prove himself.

It was endearing, in an odd sort of way, and made him seem oddly reliable. At the very least, I knew he’d try his best to help me as I tried to get this entire ordeal sorted out.

And considering the only other two people I’d really met in Savanaclaw Clan were Ruggie and Leona and that neither of them seemed entirely helpful, I was glad.

Jack’s actions and general behavior added weight to his assertion that he’d work with me while I was here, and a tiny part of me wondered if that was why Leona had called for him. But then, it was also possible I was giving Leona too much credit since, at the very least, he hadn’t seemed very keen on helping me solve this mystery of insanity and vampires.

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[pigidin]

I've been a big fan of Snape-Harry interactions recently, but there's one thing I can't figure out.

I have a soft spot for their platonic interactions but here lies one problem. As far I know, a term severitus is commonly used (and was basically made) for father-son-like relationships between the two, which also involves mentorship. But I've seen bunch of people using severitus when talking about platonic as well AND referring to platonic interactions as synonym to mentorship. And this kinda left me confused, coz those two terms, well, are kinda different and you simply can't put equal sign between those.

Some even say severitus was made as a name for platonic version of their interactions, but they usually still mean mentorship by saying this. Due to that I genuinely don't understand what I should call their platonic interactions as plenty other fans use names for romantic relationships, but with the emphasis that it's a platonic version of one. Seems partly fair to me, but saying "platonic snarry" can be a bit strange.

Moreover, AO3 eg uses & to differentiate platonic relationships, but referring to it as snarry can be confusing.. so...

I really don't know which one is better as severitus isn't really about friendships (or at least it's not commonly used in senses different than mentor-ish) and snarry in its nature is specifically a thing for non-platonic stuff. Like.. I'd be very grateful if someone brought some light to this, as.. it confuses me a lot.

Much bigger problem tho.. is when talking about queerplatonic kind of relationship. Coz this way it becomes much more obvious, that it lays neither in romantic snarry nor mentor or perhaps sometimes platonic severitus. It's basically neither. Btw, in this situation I don't even know whether to use / or &. Neither fit.

There is practically one single qpr story between them and it's tagged as slash but even tho I agree that it fits much better than gen for instance, it's still not entirely right, as.. well ships usually mean romantic/sexual stuff going on, and qpr defies those on its nature.

I actually ship Snape and Harry exclusively in qpr, but calling it snarry seems off a bit. So yeah. I know that people were suggesting using ~ for qprs, but it's not a very common move. So.. any thoughts on that?

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi! first of all, thank you for your blog! i'm a questioning aroace but i don't know much about it. i used to consider myself ace when i was 16, then i thought i was too little to know and now, when i'm almost 21, i found out more about aroace experiences and it just... feels right? i've dated twice. never kissed though. first time my girlfriend used to complain we were "just friends" and not "real" partners but i would always tell her i truly love her and that i see real love as best friendship. my second girfriend just accepted my way of love but a new problem occured. when we were friends and i was crushing on her, i could be affectionate and e.g. hug her, but when we got into a relationship i freaked out and was no longer touchy or flirty. she was fine with it though, but i broke up with her about a year later because this whole dating thing didn't feel right. i haven't been in a relationship for what seems like ages and i want one so bad!! but recently i've realized that many people don't see love the way i do. the first time i thought i might be aro was a year ago when i wrote a fanfic and showed it to my best friend. she texted me "it's nice and all but you described friendship. it's not love". and i was like???? but that's how i feel love? and she started sending me some charts about how passion is an important part of "real" love and that my description wasn't right. it made me want to cry. i thought... was there something wrong with me? around that time i tried to find out more about aro community but it was a bit scary. i thought these people were heartless because how can you NOT love someone romantically? then, when i had another crush, i told about it to that best friend i've already mentioned. she asked me to describe my feelings and when i explained them she said "it's not love, you wanna be friends". but i don't feel that way towards friends! i know it was a different feeling. still, i came to a realization that i might be aroace after all. although, a bit later i met an aroace guy online. we weren't that close, just chatted in a gc, but i messaged him asking for advice. and when i shared i might be aroace and told him about my way of seeing it he said "you're not aroace, you just don't like lovey dovey stuff". and now i'm so confused... but your blog really comforts me. i want to find myself in this world. and i think i really am aroace. but i have no one to talk to about it... i'm too scared i won't "fit in" again. so thank you for reading my message!!!! have a nice day!

Do you think it's possible you might be experiencing a type of tertiary attraction, Anon? Tertiary attraction is any type of attraction that isn't romantic or sexual, some common types are

Platonic attraction/squishes: This can feel very similar to romantic attraction and have a lot of the same symptoms, but doesn't feel romantic at all. Instead you want to be close to the other person, or be important them.

Alterous attraction: This can have romantic or platonic elements, but won't be fully either. If you think of platonic and romantic as being binaries, this would be a non-binary option. Very useful for people who feel like neither platonic nor romantic feels quite right when describing their attraction.

Aesthetic attraction: Basically being drawn to someone on an aesthetic level, and strong desire to look at or study the other person. Sometimes this attraction is described as being similar to a particularly moving piece of art or looking at something particularly beautiful.

Sensual attraction: a desire to connect in a tactile way with other people. Especially in a way that feels sensual like touching, cuddling, smelling, etc.

There's other types of tertiary but these are some of the more common ones (if you want to explore attraction in more detail, the LGBTIA Wiki has a great page on it.)

But yeah, it definitely sounds from this ask like you are experiencing some kind of attraction, so looking into attraction and different types of attraction may be helpful. One of the most helpful tricks for telling attraction apart is asking yourself what is the attraction making you want? Or what kind of pull are you feeling? Imagine different scenarios and see which one holds the most appeal to you.

Romance in general is tricky because it's not very well defined and it's very often described as 'you know it when you feel it'. Unlike sex where, while there may be some gray areas, people generally do agree on what sex is or isn't, there aren't really an actions that are always romance. Holding hands, giving people flowers, etc can all be romantic actions, but also can be platonic depending on the scenario.

So how do you know if your feelings are romantic or not? Romantic feelings feel romantic (which is so useless, right?). But there is an actual romantic feeling that makes people want to be in a relationship labeled as romantic or do actions or be in scenarios they view as romantic. Romantic people will often have scenarios that just feel romantic to them too that they'll want to play out with the people they're attracted to.

So if the idea of something feeling romantic, or having romantic scenarios in your head feels foreign to you, that could be a sign what you're experiencing isn't romantic. Similarly if you're attracted to someone, but would be happy in a relationship not defined as romantic, that could be another strong sign.

It's not always clear cut what is romantic feelings or not either, there are gray areas. Since you mention a few times that romance and friendship feel the same to you internally, I'd also suggest looking into these two labels:

Idemromantic: Someone who categorizes relationships as romantic or platonic but experiences no internal differences.

Platoniromantic: When someone experiences no difference between romantic and platonic attraction.

One last thing, based on how you describe relationships, have you looked into or heard about QPRs, Anon? QPR stands for queerplatonic relationship (sometimes also called quasiplatonic relationships or quirklyplatonic relationships). And that just means a realtionship that isn't easily categorized by romance or friendship. And they can be tailored to the people in the relationship and include the things they want but not what they don't want. If you really want a relationship but romantic relationships aren't working out for you or feeling right, this may be worth looking into. And you can have committed long term relationships in QPRs too.

So this is a lot of information, and it may take you a bit of time to go through it and process it. You don't have to figure everything out right away. But hopefully it gives you some direction to go in and some things to look into.

I wouldn't put too much stock in what other people have told you up until now, other people can't interpret your internal feelings, only you can do that. And both the aromantic and romantic spectrum are quite broad, and people can experience both in a lot of different ways.

Try and trust your own internal feelings and interpretations and go with what makes sense to you or what way of looking at things is useful for you. And frankly sometimes these things are a bit subjective anyways.

If you have more questions or want anything clarified, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[bansheeoftheforest]

Blood of the God [TKC Walt &/ Anubis]

In some ways this feels like the weirdest thing I've ever written which says quite a lot because I have written WAYYYYYYY worse stuff. Some of which I've published online. Some of which I have written for/shown my writing classes. Yet this takes the cake.

This can be read both as a platonic and romantic fic!

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Wordcount: 5064

Summary:  After years of searching, Anubis finally finds a way to cure Walt from his family curse, although the cure involves a sacrifice few would be willing to make.

CW: Blood, self-harm but in a blood-sacrifice way and not an actual depressed self-harm way. Stay safe!

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If there was one thing Anubis knew for certain, it was that he would do anything for Walt Stone.

  It had been a year since the battle of Apep, and it had been a year since the descendent of Akhenaten should have died, had it not been for the god of death taking him as his host. It was an agreement they both felt content with, one made of desperation and compromise, and now they could even go as far as to say that they might even be friends, in some ways closer than anyone could ever be. And so, it was only natural that Anubis, despite enjoying his time being hosted, had been searching for the final cure for the curse which had befallen the ancient bloodline, wishing to free his friend from the shackles that held him. When he was not by Walt's side, he was reading every scroll, questioning every dead, taking any lead he could to get closer to solving the medical mystery. He hadn't told Walt, not yet. He did not wish to get his hopes up, not as his efforts had already proven fruitless time and time again for nearly two years.

  Well… He had a lead, now. A new one. A promising one.

  By searching historical records from the time of Akhenaten, every piece of history he could get his hands on, he had found the name of the man who had supposedly placed the curse upon the first accursed ancestor, a priest who had been deemed worthy enough for the Field of Reeds. He knew every person that had ever passed through the Halls of Judgment, every soul doomed and every soul granted eternal bliss, but it seemed like certain acts had remained hidden even from him, as the unbiased soul-weigher. But it was a lead, and hopefully not one that would end up in another dead end. 

  The Field of Reeds were bountiful, vast, neverending. It was almost impossible to traverse if you did not know who you were searching for, you could walk for miles before finding a single soul, but the Field of Reeds were one of the domains that Anubis knew best, and he found his target quickly.

  The man showed significant signs of age, even with his bald head and clean-shaven face. Around his body wrapped white robes and a leopard skin,  and his general appearance made it clear that he had once been a person of high standing. In his life, he had been a priest, and a follower of the Path of Ra, and as such had been even more enraged as Akhenaten attempted to disband the worship of the pantheon. Now, the man wandered the fields with an everlasting bliss, neither priest nor magician anymore. 

  “Djedefre.”

  The man turned towards the voice who called him. Upon seeing the jackal-headed god, he fell into a deep bow.

  “Lord Inpu- what an honor!” 

  The jackal's ear flickered at the use of one of his egyptian names, to speak in the ancient language was always a bliss.

  “Rise, Djedefre.”

  The man did as told. While his true lord was Ra, he had once been mortal, and he was still very dead, and so he took no chances when showing proper respect to one of the lords of the underworld. 

  “Whatever could I do for you, my lord?”

  Anubis watched the man for a moment. He seemed agreeable enough, perhaps his journey was at its end, after all.

  “Tell me, are you the one who placed the curse upon Akhenaten and his offspring?”

  The priest merely stared at the other for a moment, as if he was unsure if he heard him correctly. Yet, once Anubis’ eyes narrowed, he immediately cleared his throat. 

  “That is correct, my lord.”

  “And so, you would know how to reverse it, yes?”

  At this, the priest went quiet once again, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

  “Reverse it? Why would it need to be reversed, oh lord?”

  The god’s ears flickered in annoyance. 

  “Because,” he started, voice almost growling, “the one currently living with the curse is my high priest, my host, my Eye. If you know of a way to reverse it, I demand to know it.”

  Instead of being intimidated, the former priest of Ra merely gaped, perplexed.

  “You... You took a descendent of Akhenaten as your vessel, lord?”

  “Answer my question, priest.”

  “My lord, you have to understand, I never expected anyone to want to remove the curse, much less a god-”

  Anubis crossed his arms over his chest, a gesture which finally seemed to get the fearsome priest a bit nervous.

  “- ah, well, but if you like your vessel so much, you will be glad- glad indeed!- That you can reverse it.”

  “Speak.”

  Djedefre, once more, cleared his throat and attempted to smooth out the pleats of his robes.

  “My lord, I never expected anyone to wish to remove the curse- other than the descendents, that is- but as you know, curses cannot last forever, not without a tether.”

  Tethers, of course; hypothetical offerings in exchange for everlasting power. Nothing unbound lasts forever, a curse without a tether would fizzle out within a few centuries, one with a tether could last for thousands of millenia, as long as the tether still existed. 

  “Right.”

  “As Akhenaten sinned against the gods, I made that it's tether; the only way it can be reversed, is for a god to wish it so.”

  The jackal’s ears twitched once more.

  “...That cannot be all.”

  The priest smiled sheepishly.

  “It is not, my lord. For you see, a god cannot simply remove the curse on their own whim. They need to make their own sacrifice, to prove that the curse is worth breaking.”

  Of course, he couldn’t have expected anything else, but the suspicion rose within him.

  “...And what would such a sacrifice entail?”

  He really did not like the way the priest smiled, almost perversely. 

  “Blood, my lord. Divine blood.”��

  The god’s ears pinned back against his head, the only sign that he had listened and processed what the priest said. Djedefre did his best to ignore the god’s movements, and continued.

  “To break the curse, a god must be willing to let the accursed consume their blood. It is an utmost sacrifice, as you must know. The mortal must suckle the god’s veins to be rid of their plague.” 

  ‘Suckle,’ Anubis thought, ‘did you have to make it sound so weird?’ 

  “Why would you decide to make that the anticurse?” 

  The priest smiled.

  “As I said, my lord, I never thought a god would forgive Akhenaten’s bloodline, and I would personally never allow it, and so I made it a sacrifice no god would ever make. If you excuse my rudeness- I know of no gods who would allow anyone to drink from their veins.” 

  “...Very well,” Anubis said. “Is that all? He just needs to drink divine blood?” 

  The priest nodded. 

  “It needs to be directly from the body. The longer the blood stays out, the more profane it will become. It needs to flow through him as it is pumped through the god.” 

  “And you are sure that this will cure him?” 

  “I swear upon my eternal afterlife itself, my lord.” 

  It calmed him, slightly, at least. If this failed, he had someone to take it out on.

  “Very well.” The god nodded, mostly to himself, “I thank you for your cooperation.” 

  The priest bowed, as Anubis took his leave.

------------

He couldn’t say that he knew how to break the news to Walt. 

  On one hand, he had the cure for the disease which had consumed his entire bloodline and should have killed him a year ago, but on the other hand… Well… 

  He had heard about similar curses before, of course, and of similar ‘cures’. Gods are selfish and stubborn and protective of themselves, few would be willing to part with a strand of hair from their head, much less the blood which flowed through their veins, and as much as Anubis wanted to save Walt, as much as he knew that he had to, he still felt… Very uncomfortable at the thought of offering himself in such a way. It wasn’t like he had much to lose- other than his blood, that is- because if the cure did not work, he could still stay with Walt as his hosted god. Whether or not Walt would still want to host him if he was cured was an entirely different question.

  He talked briefly to Thoth. As annoying as he was, and as much as Anubis still held a grudge against him, the god of wisdom could still tell him about what might happen with him and his host, if they went through with the supposed cure. 

  “You will most likely be fine,” the Ibis-god had said, “in worst case, you suffer bloodloss, but gods are hardy.” 

  Anubis had nodded.

  “With Walt, however…” The ibis closed his eyes and shook his head gently. “He very well could be cured, but it is more dangerous for him. Too little could make no difference, too much could overwhelm his mortal body, incapacitate him or even kill him.” 

  “...Of course,” Anubis murmured dryly, “It can never be simple.” 

  The ibis smiled apologetically, as much as an ibis could smile at all. 

  “My only advice for you is to be focused. You should see the signs, your own and his, when it has gone too far.” The god of wisdom summoned a scroll, briefed through it for a moment, nodded to himself, and then continued, “There have been instances of… Ah, similar actions, but with blood already exposed to the mortal realm. Those mortals turned bloodthirsty, almost addicted to the substance.” 

  “...So you are telling me that he could either not be cured, get even worse, want to continue to bloodlet me, or just… Die?” 

  “That is the gist of it, yes.” 

  Well… Safe to say, his talk with Thoth had done little to calm his nerves. And it did not help that Walt was beginning to ask questions, wondering what he was up to that made him so quiet. 

  …Well, better late than never, he supposed. 

….

It was dark out by the time Anubis came back to the Brooklyn House. With his time in the Field of Reeds and in the Library of Thoth, he assumed at least a few days had passed since he last disappeared. He was sure that Walt could feel his presence in the House, and so he could simply wait in his room until he finished whatever he was doing, giving the god some time to attempt to formulate a way to… Propose what he had been told. And so, he merely sat down on the bed, and waited. 

  It took about fifteen minutes before Walt entered the room. Now, when the other’s curse was on the forefront in his mind, Anubis saw the dark knot within Walt’s chest, the tangles that, to some, openly displayed his affliction. Walt’s happy smile faded as he felt the nervous presence of the other, despite the god’s effort to not color the other with his own anxiety. 

  “Hey,” Walt came closer, then sat down on the bed, next to the god. “Is something wrong?” 

  “No.” A lie, of course, one that he immediately felt guilty about, especially so as Walt merely gave him a stern look. “Okay, yes, but no.” 

  Walt continued to look at him, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, as he waited for the god to continue. Anubis hesitated, then cleared his throat. 

  “I have… News. Good and bad.” 

  “Alright,” Walt said, calm and composed, “What are the bad news?” 

  Well, that is unfortunate. 

  “...You might have to consume my blood..?” 

  Anubis wasn’t yet sure if it was a good or a bad thing that Walt didn’t seem to grasp what he said.

  “...What?” 

  The god, often so stoic and composed, felt his cheeks burn up under the gaze of the other. 

  “Listen- I searched for a way to cure you of your curse, before you began to host me, yes?” He wanted so desperately to explain, but the fluster made it hard for him to formulate his words. “I never… Well, I never stopped looking. And I found a lead- a priest of Ra, the one that cursed Akhenaten, and because Akhenaten had sinned against the gods, he made the… Ah, he made the solution a sacrifice of the gods. In this case… Blood.” 

  The explanation seemed to do little to help the mortal’s confusion, overwhelm, ability to process what the other said. The cogs turned and turned in Walt’s head.

  “I… What?” Walt’s face scrunched as his brows furrowed and his head tilted, Anubis almost cowered under the confused gaze. “Wait, wait, wait- let me get this right- you… You found a cure to my curse?”

  “Yes.”

  “And that cure involves me… Drinking your blood… Because it demands like… A blood sacrifice?” 

  “...Essentially, yes.” 

  Walt turned away from the god, looking straight ahead from where they sat on his bed. 

  “I mean-” Anubis continued, “It doesn’t have to be my blood but…” 

  “It is not like I have a ready supply of other gods willing to give me theirs.” Walt finished, he  couldn’t help but… Smile, very slightly, mostly because of how bizarre this was. “Well… Assuming that you are?” 

  He would have liked to say yes immediately. He would have liked to have no hesitation at all, because he was more loyal to Walt than he had ever been to anyone or anything in his entire life. But it was still a large ask, one miniscule in comparison to the good it could potentially do, with risks that could worsen the suffering that had already killed Walt once.

  “I am.” He finally said. “If it is a chance you would like to take.” 

  “...I might need to think about it.” Walt turned back towards the god, and smiled slightly. “I mean- the idea of, y’know, being free from the curse is… Amazing. But I never thought I would ever have that alternative.” 

  Anubis did his best to give his host a reassuring smile.

  “I understand. If you wish, I could speak to the priest again, if you have questions.” 

  Walt merely nodded. 

…

Walt took a week to think it through. It was not like either of them were in any hurry.

  He had asked Anubis questions, some which he could answer, some which he couldn’t, and so he had taken a few more trips to the Field of Reeds and Djedefre to make sure that his host knew what he was getting into. Walt had chosen to not say anything to the other magicians just yet. On one hand, he didn’t want to tell them until he was more sure, but in the other hand… He wasn’t sure if he would ever become sure, even when the time actually came. The questions kept swirling and swirling in his head. 

  Was he willing to die for a chance to be rid of his curse? Was it worth it to let Anubis, in some ways, sacrifice himself for his sake? He could live with the pains he still had, but if it meant that his curse could no longer kill him, if it meant he couldn’t pass it down… At the same time, there were risks. Anubis had warned him of what the priest and Thoth had told him could happen if it went too far, were the dangers truly worth it? He wasn’t sure, but if he had the solution to the problem that had plagued his family for thousands of years...

  In the end, what choice did he have?

…

It was agreed, then. They had it all planned out, as much as they could, anyways, but he still hadn’t said anything to the other initiates. The same anxiety from before, from before they ever found out about the curse in the first place, lingered; the want to not be a burden, to not worry them. Yet the more logical part of him knew that they most likely would want to hear about a supposed cure directly from him, they probably would want to be involved, and would not want to have it explained by Anubis, what they had attempted to do and why Walt was hypothetically dead. But since Walt was also hosting the god, the chances of his death were reduced, if even slightly, and Thoth had seemingly assured Anubis that he would know when it would be over. Walt... Not so much. 

  He excused himself from the others quite early, he ate dinner quickly with the excuse of needing to rest, before he returned to his room. There, Anubis would be waiting for him.

  As he opened and quickly closed the door, the first thing he noticed was his god placed upon the bed. He usually wore layers, but this time, he had skipped his jacket and wore a t-shirt that had most of his arms bare. He wore no jewelry or accessories either. On his desk next to the bed laid the supplies the god had prepared on a tray; tissues, bandages, disinfectant, and a scalpel. The mortal could practically feel his stomach twist into a knot at the sight. 

  “So... I guess we are doing this, then?” The magician asked, coming closer to where the god sat. 

  “I am ready, if you are.” 

  Walt nodded gently. 

  “Where would you like to be?” He asked then.

  “...It is your room, I will be where you want me to be.” Anubis stated, almost a bit confused. 

  Walt thought for a moment. He wanted Anubis to be as comfortable as possible- and, honestly, he also wanted to be comfortable- but he couldn’t say that he was particularly keen on the idea of blood in his bed... But he also knew he could part with a few sheets, and so, it didn’t particularly matter. 

  “The bed it is, then.” 

  The mortal took the tray and carried it over to the double bed, where he placed it before he sat down as well.

  “...I’m going to be honest,” Anubis murmured, “I don’t think I’ve ever bled before.” 

  At this, Walt’s eyes widened. 

  “Never?” 

  “Not that I can remember, at the very least.” 

  The mortal smiled apologetically at his friend.

  “In that case, I feel even more sorry for you.” 

  “Don’t be.” The god let his own lips twist into a more reassuring smile. “After all, I was the one who suggested this, wasn’t I?” 

  “Technically, I think it was the priest.”

  “Oh, shush.” 

  Walt couldn’t help but to laugh, at least happy for something little to ease the tension in the room. But as the silence settled, they let themselves look at each other for just a moment.

  “...I guess we are doing this, then?” 

  “Yeah, I guess we are.” 

  Anubis was quick, grabbing a tissue and putting disinfectant on it, before cleaning the blade of the already clean scalpel. Once that was done, he tossed it into the trashcan to their side, before grabbing a new tissue, new disinfectant, and this time, cleaning his wrist. It was mostly for Walt’s sake rather than his, as the chances of infections were close to impossible. 

  “Normally, I would be against doing a cut on a place with so many nerves, but I assume you do not wish to drink blood from my thigh.”

  Walt snorted.

  “I would not wish to drink your blood at all but... Yeah, that would be even weirder.” 

  “You wound me.” 

  “...Was that a pun?” 

  Anubis grinned, which looked a bit too psychotic when he was holding a blade.

  “Perhaps.”

  In other circumstances, the pun would have made Walt quite happy. But now, it merely felt like a distraction for what would inevitably come. 

  Well… No time to waste, then.

  The two moved until they were seated with their backs against the headboard of Walt’s bed. They were not sure for how long this would take, but some proper back support could be needed. Walt held Anubis’ left arm within his palm, where the god was holding the scalpel with his right hand. 

  In some ways, it still felt unreal. Incomprehensible what they were about to do, how far Walt would go to survive. But Anubis gave him little time to hesitate, as he pressed the blade into his skin and veins with surgical precision, making a clean cut that soon started bleeding. 

  As the wound was opened, Walt - remembering the warnings and advice that had been retold by others - threw himself forwards and connected his mouth with the wound, grip tightening around the pale arm which he held, yet Anubis made no word or sound of pain. The liquid gold which flowed through the god’s vein poured into his mouth, yet the taste was nowhere near as nauseating or disgusting as he thought it would be, nowhere near as metallic or meaty or bloody as mortal blood, no, the gold which he suckled was more like a stinging pain, like that tingling feeling of spice and heat which numbed any and all sensations of taste or nausea. The overwhelming feeling spread like a burning warmth throughout his body; from his mouth and into his throat, down into his torso and stomach, and out into his limbs, until all that was left was the ringing in his ears, the burning, tingling sensation that spread throughout his body, the overwhelming energy which grabbed him and made him understand the warnings of addiction, and the sole focus on his task. 

  With his mouth properly secured against the wrist, his eyes squeezed closed. The liquid which quickly poured out of the body of the god was being lapped and licked into that of the mortal, in a steady rhythm that soon made them both relax. Walt  loosened the grip that he had on the other, as Anubis’ body leaned against his shoulder. In this moment, Walt’s focus remained solely on the task at hand, in doing it properly so that it could be over with, so that he could be free and so that Anubis wouldn’t have to continue to bleed. Anubis watched the act with already tired eyes from where his head rested against his host’s shoulder, seemingly not in pain or having any ounce of discomfort. With every beat of his heart, the blood pulsated into the other, forever tainting or perhaps merely coloring the mortal to whom he was so loyal. 

  Through it all, the only sound that echoed within the room was the soft pants, the open-mouthed breathing of the god who did his very best to remain composed and conscious and aware, even as his body turned colder and colder, even as he started to shiver, and even as his vision started to blur and flicker, even then he had to remain conscious, so that he could watch as the knots in Walt’s chest slowly came undone, were slowly untied and slowly freed him from his curse. Perhaps his blood flowed quicker than it should, or perhaps he was merely unused to actually bleeding. Yet, soon the calmness that had gotten Walt disappeared, washed off of him as the hunger seemed to take control of the mortal once more, the confused desperation returned into the soul’s own thirst and eagerness for the burning substance he consumed. His grip once more tightened, his hunger once more flared, the knot was almost gone, and this was the sign the god had waited for.

  With futile effort, Anubis attempted to speak, to nudge the mortal, to warn him and to stop him, but his tongue was numb and unmoving and his body turned weaker with every drop which was stolen from him. Yet he mustered up the last strength he had, took the right hand which had dropped the scalpel, and pushed against Walt with all his might, successfully startling the mortal out of his blood-induced haze. 

  With the moment of clarity that soon came, as his ears stopped ringing and his eyes opened, Walt realized what was happening. At once, he removed his mouth from the wound and attempted to cover it with his own palm, to stop the bleeding until he could bandage it. The overwhelming warmth washed off of him as quickly as it had taken over him, leaving him with no evidence but the taste in his mouth and the blur of his vision. By the time he could reach the wrappings, the blood continued to pour freely, spilling onto his skin, his lap, and his bed. Yet he cared little for the spill as he focused on wrapping the wound closed, tight and secured, already stained by gold.

  …It was done, then. He couldn’t say that he felt particularly different- physically, at least. He had never felt more like a vampire in his entire life.

  As the wound was secured, he put his attention on the god, who laid slump against him. Yet he breathed and rasped and attempted to move when he felt Walt doing so, attempted to look at him. The mortal reached out his clean hand, and cupped the god’s face within it, cradled it. 

  “Hey, are you alright?” He asked, his concerned eyes scanning the face which tilted towards him. Anubis’ eyes were half-lidded, and his face still seemed quite slack, yet he did his best to nod. 

  “It’s gone.” The god murmured. “I see it. The curse. Gone.” 

  Honestly, the curse was the last thing on Walt’s mind right now. Yet he let Anubis lean back against his shoulder as he placed the scalpel back on the tray and reached for the tissues they had placed on the bed, so that he could clean them both up from the blood that had been spilt. Honestly, it didn’t even feel like blood, rather like something else entirely, not as the gore which flowed through the veins of another. 

  He started with wiping off Anubis’ arm, where some of the blood had been smeared and dripped down to his elbow, which left an almost shimmering residue no matter how much he tried to clean it, like it had poured into the very pores of the skin. Once Anubis was done, Walt cleaned off himself to the best of his ability, and tried to scrub out the inevitable stain on his clothes and bed. Futile. It had already dried, yet he didn’t care. He pushed the tray toward the very edge of the bed with his foot, giving them more space, before he snuck his arms in under the god’s knees and his back, lifting him and placing him a bit more in between his own legs, in his lap. Anubis’ soft breathing warmed his already overheated body as it moved over his skin, as he nuzzled in closer, as Walt wrapped his arms around him and held him close. 

  “Thank you.” Walt murmured. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

  He felt the ghost of the other’s lips against him as they twisted into a small smile, yet Anubis didn’t reply, merely tried to nuzzle closer.

  This would be… Hard to explain to the others. 

  He tried to fully consider what had just happened. His curse was… Gone, just like that. Through the burning overwhelmed which had flared up, almost torn him apart, the curse had been broken, and he and his bloodline was… Free. And now he held Anubis in his arms, nuzzled against his hair, and stared into the darkness of his bedroom as the raspy breathing of the other turned more even and more shallow as he seemed on the verge of falling asleep. Walt could still not seem to grasp what they had done to get to this point, that he had just… Drank blood straight from someone’s body. Now, as he properly started to internalize it, the thought got his throat to close up and his tongue to burn with the taste of the liquid, and his body to shudder in vague disgust. It was not something he would ever want to do again.

  At the same time… He was glad that it had been them. In some ways it felt better to know that Anubis offered and sacrificed because he wanted to, because he liked him, and it felt better for Walt, knowing that he could now hold him close as they both recovered and calmed and eased. He felt calmer, now, when he held Anubis against his chest, with one arm around his waist, and the other resting on the other’s leg, gently holding his arm, moving his thumb over the cold skin which shimmered in gold. 

  “You didn’t answer.” Walt whispered again, “how are you feeling?” 

  Anubis stirred against him, shifting, his face scrunched at being disturbed as he curled up further against the host. 

  “...Tired.” The god whispered back. “I’ll be okay.” 

  “Promise?” 

  Anubis merely hummed in reply, shifted further to make himself comfortable against the other. He felt entirely, completely, utterly done. Exhausted beyond comprehension. Ready to sleep. 

  Walt felt the other’s exhaustion clearly, and while he would have loved to change the sheets first, he did not want to disturb the god even further. So, with the both of them still majorly dressed, Walt held Anubis up for a moment so that he could get the blanket they sat on, pulling it over the two of them. The soft shivers of the other stopped, he almost melted against the warmth of Walt on one side and the warmth of the blanket on the other. Once they were tucked in, Walt moved down into the bed, until their heads were against the pillows and not the wall or headrest. Now, he merely held the other, tucked a few locks of hair behind the other’s ears, watched as the other was lulled into sleep. 

  He wasn’t sure how he would explain any of this to the Kanes, he wasn’t sure how he would explain what they had done, and why he had decided not to tell them beforehand, but now his priority lay with Anubis, who was already snoozing softly against him. 

  And so, with the blood of the other still in his mouth, and with the open wound slowly closing, the two fell asleep against each other.

  At peace, at last. 

---------------------------------- Please support this on AO3 too! :D https://archiveofourown.org/works/60540346 ----------------------------------

[rockwgooglyeyes]

oh my god Nyx and Cas being menaces to society while Auri is an actual pleasure to have in class is so funny.

I'm going to add some notes on my end as well! Just because this is fun :)

Nyx doesn't actually like the sugary cereals that he and Auri sneak into the grocery cart, he just does it to fuck with Cas (and Auri's the one who actually likes them, though Nyx willingly takes the blame whenever Cas gets angry). Cas prefers sweet/sour/spicy, Auri prefers sweet/salty/tart and Nyx prefers salty/bitter/umami.

I think Nyx honestly had a crush on Kyo at some point but didn't know what it was and just interpreted it as really really wanting to be his friend. At the ages they're at now, he's over it and immensely embarrassed by it

Their mom is timid and apologetic and just kind of a people pleaser which is something that Aurien takes after. Probably had a not-so-great home environment growing up, thought that no one would ever want to marry her so she said yes to the first man who asked (turns out he was a piece of shit! oops) but she did way better the second time

Himei is really nice and has beef because she's extremely particular about friends and has a very strong sense of justice (not necessarily in a good way, she just feels very strongly about whatever opinion she's holding. doesn't mean she's right though)

Cas gives a shovel talk to literally any person who shows romantic (or even platonic) interest in either of his siblings. He will let them know what they're getting into, what kind of family they're trying to fuck with

Nyx curses the most out of all of the siblings but surprisingly learned it not from Kyo or even Cas, but it would be hilarious if he learnt most of it either from Lang or from Dian's older sibling, Cam. Either way, very funny to me.

Cas' reaction to finding out Dian has a crush on Nyx is horror and then concern (for Dian's safety). his shovel talk is more "are you sure about this because holy fuck he is a handful. he gets into fights with the teachers at school and i have to be the one to go pick him up. do you know how awkward that is?"

Himei and Rose both started out as friends of Dian and he slowly forced them to warm up to each other. They totally hated each other before then, maybe due to a bad first impression that just kind of set the tone for their relationship?

Despite being the oldest and the de facto most responsible, Cas cannot cook very well. He can do basic stuff like boiling water but beyond that, he is a fish out of water. Usually, the siblings ended up making food together due to this and they would take turns on who was on lunch duty.

Aurien is something of her mother's favorite child, as whenever their mother is back in town, she takes Aurien out shopping and spends lots of time with her, seeming the most invested in Auri out of all three kids. Auri feels guilty about this, even though it isn't her fault, and neither Cas nor Nyx are mad at her about it

Solei is something of an adopted family member in their house, even after Cas knows about Aurien's crush on them. They've just grown up around the siblings and they're friends with both Nyx and Auri (and on good terms with Cas). Practically nothing could break those bonds

Both of their parents reacted pretty well to Nyx being trans, all things considered, and he figured it out young enough (like maybe 11-12?) that it didn't shake things up at school too much. Additionally, Rose is enby (to my knowledge), and Solei uses they/them pronouns, so it wasn't unfamiliar to his siblings. Besides, they already kind of knew. Their mom was kind of weird about it though.

Auri got to name the dog. The family got the dog when it was a puppy and I'm deciding right now that it's some kind of great pyrenees mix. big floofer

solei belongs to @solei-eclipse, auri belongs to @aurienneirua, lang belongs to @pwippy, himei & cas belong to @lookatmysillies,

(Evil cackling) I really like the modern au, personally! Do you have anymore thoughts or headcanons on it?

*brings out 500-page binder* boy am I glad you asked anon

-When Auri tells Cas that she has a crush on someone, Cas demands to know who so he can determine if they’re good enough for her. Proceeds to stare at Solei for 5 minutes and go “what am I looking at”

-This isn’t something Cas knows how to define in the ALNST universe, but I feel like I can see him being genderfluid? He’d use he/him pronouns exclusively but yeah, it makes sense to me

-Kyo and Nyx have the most ridiculous Minecraft world with hundreds of hours on it and when they try to explain the lore to anyone else, the other person is completely lost

-Himei is super nice but somehow has beef with half the school

-Nyx is the most argumentative with the siblings’ parents and is the only one who blatantly calls them out on their bullshit

-Cas NEVER talks about his dad but it’s pretty easy to assume he was abused by him probably in more ways than one

-Dian is the most fun person to have over to the house, he always brings games and chats with everyone at a mile a minute

-Cas and Kyo usually only jokingly bicker but have full-on married couple fights over Candy Land

-Both Cas and Onyx learned how to braid hair from YouTube tutorials so they can do Auri’s hair

-Both Nyx and Auri try to buy junk cereal every time Cas takes them to the store, insert Cas absently putting groceries on the counter and his eye twitching when he notices the Reese’s Puffs

-(insert Cas secretly eating the Reese’s Puffs at 2 AM)

-Auri is actually a good student and is very confused when teachers who have previously had Onyx and/or Cas fearfully go “oh, you’re one of those kids” at the beginning of the year

-Their dad/Cas’s stepdad got them a dog to keep them busy and they all 3 share the responsibilities involved, although Auri is happy to do most of the work

-All 3 kids get sunburnt to shit in the summers

-Cas’s Driver’s Ed teacher quit the year after teaching Cas and it was Not A Coincidence

-Himei and Rose actually sort of hated each other before they became friends and now they hang out together with Dian all the time

-Nyx stole Cas’s clothes before he came out as trans, and when he did, Cas just gave him some hand-me-downs

-Nyx got some style inspiration from Kyo (actual grunge hobo)

-Tallis is a grade above Nyx and a grade below Himei and is basically every girl in his class’s favorite person. He is not sure how this happened

-He spends almost every day with Himei and her siblings, Hayate and Halo, so whenever she goes to see Cas, Nyx, and Aurien, he follows

-Whenever Cas FaceTimes with Kyo and Onyx pesters Cas while they call, Cas is like “sorry he’s being annoying” while Kyo is like “give the phone to him I want to see him get ur face out of my screen”

[gonzo-rella]

I Will | Frenchie (ft. Jim Jimenez)

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Frenchie x gn!reader (romantic), Jim Jimenez x Frenchie (platonic), Jim Jimenez x gn!reader (platonic)

Summary: A series of mostly unrelated vignettes loosely based on a face-value reading of I Will by Mitski; when you’re trapped aboard Blackbeard’s Revenge as part of his new crew, your relationship with Frenchie develops.

Warnings: Typical pirate things, non-sexual nudity. (Let me know if I need to add any)

Word count: 1.2k

(A/N: There’s not enough fics for Frenchie on here so I’m going to try to change that. I wouldn’t say I’m a hero but... well, what other word could you possibly use? I threw in some platonic!Jim because I can’t help but wedge platonic things into my romantic fics. I’m guessing my interpretation of what is currently known as post-canon will one day be completely disproven when season 2 comes out, but let’s forget about that because I loved writing this. I’ve been listening to the same three Mitski songs over and over (Washing Machine Heart, Nobody and, of course, I Will), despite wanting to actually explore her discography more, and I’ve even started writing an Izzy x OC fic where their dynamic is going to be kind of like those songs (though I might also write some reader-insert fics based on those bops too, since my OC fic’s going to borrow from some of the stuff I’ve written for this blog anyway). [Insert obligatory begging for OFMD requests here])

It took you a while before you fully adjusted to sleeping in a bed (specifically Oluwande’s old bed), which was partially because you shared it with Frenchie. It was made for one person, but neither of you had wanted the other to sleep on the floor (despite the fact you both were more than used to it). Though, the two of you soon realised that you quite enjoyed sharing a bed, or the sentiment of closeness that came with it.

The physical reality of sharing such a small bed was a self-conscious nightmare, at least to start with. The idea of waking the other up with one wrong toss or turn was mortifying. Somehow, though, neither of you minded when you’d wake up with the other’s arms secured around your waist, or the other’s head resting on your shoulder. It was actually quite nice. Thanks to the relatively close friendship you’d developed while aboard the Revenge, neither you nor Frenchie thought it really meant anything, until it actually started to…

That bed was where the terror of being aboard Blackbeard’s ship could melt away beneath the moonlight until the sun came up and Izzy came banging on the door. And, soon enough, it became the only certain place that you and Frenchie could explore and express these strange, new feelings that had been awakened.

━━━━━━━━━

Frenchie’s knee bounced up and down as he sat on the edge of your shared cot, which his hands were gripping tightly. He turned around to look at you once again. You were still unconscious, even hours after the raid.

He’d done everything he could: tended to the wound, wiped the grime off your face, brushed away your stray hairs. Now, you just had to wake up.

He grabbed your limp hand and stroked your knuckles with his thumb.

Jim glanced up, still sharpening their knife.

“They’re gonna be okay. Captain Bonnet survived worse, even when he wasn’t exactly built for it...”

“It’s not just that.” he sighed

Jim watched as Frenchie gazed at you worriedly.

“The Captain’s not gonna throw them overboard ‘cause of this. He won’t let Izzy do it either.” Jim insisted. “They both seem to think they’re a shit pirate, sure, but they know they’re the most efficient worker on this ship. Without Y/N, odds are this ship’d be a total shithole. That counts for something.”

Frenchie’s uncertain eyes met Jim’s.

“If they were planning on killing them, the Captain wouldn’t have bothered telling us to patch ‘em up or gave them time to recover. And, if either of them ever do plan on killing Y/N-” They twirled their knife in their hand. “I’ll sure as hell have something to say about it.”

As if on cue, you stirred, groaning as your eyes slowly opened. A sigh of relief escaped Frenchie’s nostrils, while Jim couldn’t help the small smirk that tugged at their lips.

“Frenchie?” you mumbled hoarsely. “How long was I out?”

“Most of the day.” he shakily replied. “It’s night now, so…”

You shifted in an attempt to sit up. Finally letting go of your hand, he gripped your upper arms to help you.

“I’ll go get you a drink, yeah?”

Before you could agree, he had already pecked you on the forehead and left the room.

Jim chuckled.

“Oh, hey, Jim.” you greeted weakly.

“Hey. How’re you feeling?”

“Pretty good, considering I got stabbed a few hours ago.”

They snickered.

“Eh, well, at least you get a couple days off.”

“I do? That’s suspiciously merciful.”

“Nothing to do with mercy.” Jim shrugged. “Frenchie told the Captain he’d cover for you for a few days, and the Captain decided he’d rather you get better than worse.”

You smiled to yourself.

━━━━━━━━━

“You really don’t have to do this.” you muttered as Frenchie rolled up his sleeves again.

“I know.”

His fingers gently combed through your damp hair as he knelt behind the bathtub that neither of you had ever really been able to fit into in all your time aboard the Revenge.

You rolled your head back slightly beneath Frenchie’s soothing touch, a quiet sigh escaping your lips. You couldn’t help but shudder when your exposed, water-soaked skin brushed against the cool night air that had seeped below deck into the room Stede once generously referred to as the ‘state of the art ensuite’. It didn’t help that the bathwater was already lukewarm, having already been used by Jim (who had long since retired to bed) and Frenchie; Captain Blackbeard had decided that if the three of you could share a cabin, then you could also share bathwater.

“You alright?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. Just a bit cold is all. I’ll live.” you answered lightly.

He chuckled weakly. The comfortable silence that followed wrapped around you like a blanket.

After five or so minutes, he reached for the (also shared) towel that had been discarded on the floor not long ago and gently ran it over and through your hair, but he soon paused.

“Not being too rough, am I, dear?”

You grinned and suppressed a giggle at his endearing sincerity. It felt as though you were being tickled by a swarm of cliche butterflies in your stomach.

“No, love.” you assured him. “Feels quite nice, actually.”

You turned your head to face him (a manoeuvre that proved difficult and painful in your narrow, metallic container).

“Thank you.”

After a moment of hesitation, you placed a hand on his cheek and stroked it with your thumb, then leaned backwards to press a quick kiss to his forehead. You turned back around before you could see his smile. 

He continued to wipe away the moisture from your hair until it was dry enough.

“There.” he declared as he finished.

He rose to his feet, draped the towel over his arm and, having made his way around to the front of the tub, extended his hand to help you out of the tub. As you stood up, he averted his gaze and handed you the towel.

You scrubbed your wet skin with the towel.

“You don’t have to look away, you know.” you stated. “I mean, you can, if you want. Just don’t feel like you have to for my sake, is all I’m saying.”

He glanced over at you, keeping his eyes on your face. You smiled at him, and he shyly returned it.

“Could you pass me my clothes, love?”

“Yeah, sure.” he nodded. 

He crouched down, gathered the pile of your clothes on the floor and held them out to you. The towel fell to the floor and you grabbed them from him.

“Cheers.”

After you had tugged on your clothes, Frenchie held the door open for you. You bowed at him jokingly and he chuckled. Making sure no one was around, you pressed a quick kiss to Frenchie’s cheek, grabbed his hand and led him back to your shared quarters. It took a moment for his awestruck expression to be replaced with a grin.

━━━━━━━━━

Frenchie wrapped his arms around your waist as he pulled you closer to him.

“Night, darling.” he whispered.

Carefully, you rolled over in his arms and looked at him with a smile.

“Night, love.”

You reached up and cupped his cheeks, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He grinned. You then lowered your hands, slid your arms around his torso and burrowed your face into his chest. Absently, he stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head.

Both of you drifted off to sleep with the same small hope: one day, you’d be able to share your love, without worry, outside of this bed.

[blossomwyvern]

Carrot Cake

This is my entry for @randomfandomimagine's 10k writing challenge.

Pairing: Peregrin Took x reader (platonic or romantic, you decide)

Words: ~1k

Prompt: "We could get arrested for this" + sweet + fluff

Summary: You and Pippin 'borrow' some carrots. It goes as well as expected

A/N: This is my first time writing reader insert and writing for Pippin so you're in for... something

"Pip… How many carrots do we need again?" you asked, already holding a bunch of the orange vegetables in your arms.

"Enough to make a carrot pie," the hobbit answered and handed you another one. You were not sure how many more you could carry. When Pippin saw the confused look on your face he added, "Don‘t worry. We‘re almost done and besides that..." With a loud crunch, he took a bite out of a carrot he had previously held in his right hand, "You can never have enough carrots. They‘re good for your eyes."

He bent down again to pluck another carrot and handed it to you when the loud bark of a dog startled both of you. The dog‘s deep voice made it only sound more ferocious. You knew exactly whose dog that was: Farmer Maggot‘s. Pippin took a quick glance at you before running in the opposite way of the barking dog, which was now accompanied by a very angry hobbit and two more dogs.

"Hey! Wait for me," you shouted, sprinting after your friend, although you did not quite understand why you had to flee from the farmer and his dogs. Pippin had told you that it was perfectly fine to take some carrots from the field. Farmer Maggot would not need all of them anyway. He was a hobbit, but even hobbits could not eat that much, right?

"I might have forgotten to tell you something," Pippin puffed.

"Uh-huh..." You wanted to say more but he was surprisingly fast and you still carried most of the carrots. The small amounts of air you still had in your lungs were needed for the more important tasks of breathing.

"We… uh… We could get arrested for this," he answered, still three steps ahead of you.

"What?” You shrieked, suddenly having enough leftover oxygen. "Do hobbits even have prisons?" Pippin did not answer as he was looking for a way out of the field. By now you had reached the end of the carrot field and entered the cornfields of farmer Maggot. These plants grew so high that neither you nor Pippin could see anything but corn stalks.

"No, we don’t have prisons but trust me, Maggot has other methods. Right!" Before you could ask, what exactly he meant by ‘right’, Pippin took a sharp turn and vanished between the corn stalks. The barking behind you grew louder, so you decided to follow your friend even faster than before.

To your surprise, Pippin was slower than you had initially thought. You could not adjust your pace accordingly before crashing right into the hobbit. He yelped in the same way a puppy did when you stepped on its paw: with a heartwrenching, high-pitched ‘ow’.

"Oh my! Pippin, I’m sorry!" You apologized, already checking for any bruises or injuries. The plants had all but made his fall more comfortable. Luckily, Pippin was close to indestructible. You had heard many stories about him doing the most reckless stuff and somehow getting out of sticky situations without serious injuries. This seemed to be the case this time as well. Apart from a little scratch on his hand and dirt on his clothes and face, he looked fine but that did not make you feel better. You had still crashed into him at full speed and hurt him at least somewhat.

"Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m fine," he assured you with a smile, "What you should really worry about is the dogs. Go and save our carrots." By now you could not only hear the barks and yells but the footsteps of your persecutors as well.

"I’m not going to leave you here, Peregrin Took!" You exclaimed, "We started this together and we will end this together." Pippin sighed but did not complain any further. Even if you had started running now, with or without hobbit, you would not have made it far before farmer Maggot and his dogs would catch you.

You cowered beneath the corn plants, like fawns between tree roots, and listened to your nearing doom but today, so it seemed, was your lucky day: Instead of following your scent, Maggot’s dogs ran past your hiding spot. Their master came soon after.

"I think they’ve overlooked us," Pippin stated the obvious. Although you did not see his face, you could practically hear him smile.

"Yes… Yes, they did." You still observed the path where just mere seconds ago anger incarnate had trampled on.

"We should get going before they come back."

"Yeah, but are you alright?" you asked, turning to Pippin. Nope, no further injuries had shown up in the past minute.

"Of course I am." He jumped back onto his feet and brushed the dust out of his clothes. The carrots beneath him on the other hand had not survived the crash. Pippin frowned at the sight of them. "I think we can forget our carrot cake now."

"Don’t worry. We still have mine," you replied and held up your bunch of carrots.

"It’s gonna be a tiny cake but cake is cake." Pippin really was a hobbit through and through. "Then let’s go and bake a cake."

One rather chaotic kitchen adventure later, both of you sat at the kitchen table and ate cake. You were not sure whether it was farmer Maggot’s carrots, the struggles they had involved or both but this might have been the best cake you ever ate.

"Thank you," Pippin suddenly blurted out. You took your eyes off your plate to look at him. In the last minutes, you had only eaten your cake, nothing one should thank you for.

"For staying with me earlier," Pippin explained when he saw your confused expression. "It was my fault we got into that situation.”

You sighed loudly. "What kind of friend would I be if I just ran away every time we do something dumb? But next time we should probably just ask instead of steal."

"You’re too sweet." Pippin smiled, crumbs clinging to his lips. "Everyone deserves someone like you and I'm happy to have you."

[writerdream22]

requested by: no one, but I sincerely hope you like this anyways ✨🌻💛

pairings: levi ackerman x wife!reader, eren jeager x reader (platonic), hange zoe x reader (platonic), erwin smith x reader (platonic), etc.

warnings: none

taglist: @randomfandomimagine (let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!)

a/n: I know I haven't been posting in a long while, and that I have lots and lots of pieces to work on. I've been watching aot for a while, and I wanted to write something regarding that fandom

You and Levi had met when you were just teenagers; you were the daughter of a scouting legion commander, and Erwin's new friend had caught your attention

Just like an ordinary introvert person, you were really shy, and it was Erwin himself who introduced you to Levi, Farlan and Isabel

“They seem like nice people, you know?”

“Uh?”

“The kids from the underground city. You should go introduce yourself”

“They're criminals, Erwin. I won't go talk to them. They will surely snob me as soon as they see me”

“Trying doesn't hurt. And if they say something, just use the moves you learnt while training.”

“If you say so”

You were intimidated, especially by Levi. But it seemed that he was willing to talk to you

“Hi, uhm, my name is— my name is y/n”

“We know who you are”

“Erwin told us lots about you! I'm Isabel, and these two boys are Levi and Farlan”

“I just wanted to know if the three of you needed someone to show you around”

“Kids, cadet y/l/n will show you around. All right?”

“Yes sir!”

You immediately thought that it was a bad idea to be left alone by yourself, with people you didn't know. Erwin knew well that you felt anxious around newcomers, but he sincerely wanted you to have some friends.

The tour went all right; you and Isabel had immediately gotten along, while it took you a few months to warm up to Levi and Farlan

As time went on and you were slowly becoming autonomous, people started to think that you and Levi were actually related and that you had somehow been separated at birth; you were both quite short, with dark hair and light-colored eyes

Not to mention that you both loved tea

When you became part of the scouting legion, you were happier than ever even though you were fully aware of the risks you were taking

When Isabel and Farlan died, you and Levi were devastated. You had set aside your grief, and stayed by Levi's side

“What are you doing here?”

“Couldn't sleep. You?”

“Neither could I. I was making some tea, do you want some?”

“Yeah, Levi, thank you”

“Would you like to talk about — about that?”

“No, not really”

“Oh, well— can I braid your hair instead? It calms down the two of us. Me and Isabel had so much fun doing that, remember?”

“Tch, I hated it. But yeah—braid my hair, y/n”

You and Levi shared a sweet moment. You didn't talk, nor you wanted to, but you comforted each other just with your presence.

As time went by, you and Levi got extremely close. The two of you became corporals, giving Erwin the condition of always having to work together no matter what

The only people that the two of you became friends with, or just cared about, were Hange and your squad

One day, while you and the other corporals of the scouting legion were having breakfast, Hange made a sarcastic remark about how you and Levi were close

“Can't you just leave each other alone for a minute?”

“We just care about each other, and we respect our boundaries”

“Seems like you have some— that you share romantic feelings for each other, eh? ”

“What do you mean, Hange?”

“Yeah, this is ridiculous. Let's go, y/n, we need to prepare for our next mission”

Hange's words really sparked something in your soul. You started to think abot the relationship that you and Levi had, the special treatment you reserved for each other even though you were famous for being strict...

One day, you decided to confront him

“Hi”

“Hi, y/n, is everything all right?”

“Yeah. Have you— have you thought about what Hange said?”

“Yeah...”

“I did too, by the way”

“And what did you want to tell me about it?”

“She was right. I do have romantic feelings for you, but I need to know that you feel the same before I pour my heart out to you”

“Levi, please say something”

“I don't just like you, y/n, I love you. And now, come here—”

Then and there, he kissed you. Your first kiss, just like you had imagined.

You decided to keep your relationship a secret for a while, as you didn't want Hange to know that she was right. She found out anyways, and she told everyone.

After a few years, you decided to get married. You were extremely happy, and you couldn't ask for anything else in the world.

“With this ring, I give you my soul. With this ring, I put my trust in you, and hope to live by your side until we grow old. Meeting you was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. I wanted a splinter of happiness in that pathetic, dark void I had grown accustomed to call life. Meeting you fulfilled my dream of becoming a better man. With this ring, you make me happy, and I hope that I'll make you happy as well. Meeting you made me learn what true love is. I love you, y/n, always and forever”

As a team, Levi was deemed as more important by your superiors. Sometimes, they didn't even address themselves to you and just talked to your husband.

“Sir, my wife here also contributed to the mission. I think that you should congratulate yourself to her, as well”

Levi always looked out for you, making sure that every single detail was to your liking. As everyone knew, he showed his vulnerable self to only you, and you were grateful for the trust he had given you.

“Are you ok, darling?”

“Yeah. You're still working on those papers, eh?”

“I just have to sign a few things, then I have to meet up with Erwin. Tch, this stuff is so tiring sometimes”

“We can take a walk around the compound later, if you want. Then, I can make you some tea”

“That would be fantastic, y/n. You're really the best wife in the world”

“I'm your only wife, Levi”

The whole situation that emerged from the apparition of abnormal titans stressed you out, quite a lot nevertheless. Levi had noticed it, and saw that you were more nervous than usual. He made sure to always ride by your side, to always be able to keep his eye on you.

He knew what stress did to you. It made you more vulnerable, more subject to distractions, and he didn't want to lose you at all.

During one of your many missions, where you had the unpleasant surprise of meeting the female titan, you got severely hurt.

“What were you thinking?!”

“I wanted to save our squad! I wanted to save Petra, Oluo, everyone! But I couldn't!”

“You risked your life, y/n! You could have died, you know that?”

“I sure do, Levi! That's what soldiers do! They die, after having done something good for humanity, and I lived a pretty decent life! I got married, I had friends, but I am alive now! I am all right, it's just routine”

“You can't just do things recklessly. I can't stand losing you. Not now, not ever. I want to build a family with you, I want to live my life with you and only you. You can't die, you got it?”

“Yes, Levi. I'm sorry”

“Let me get you some tea, now”

That's when you fully understood that Levi loved you. You had managed to warm up his heart with your sweet and kind words, and he'd managed to conquer yours with just a look in your eyes.

[akaashisupremacy]

Brimming with Hope

Summary: Having broken off your engagement for an arranged marriage with Gojo, your relationship is in shreds. As you two give your relationship a second chance, what does hope look like to two disillusioned lovers?  

Gojo Satoru  x reader

Multi-fandom Masterlist || HQ Masterlist || Ao3 version

Genre: fluff, angst, exes to friends to lovers (wc: 1.5k)

“I don’t think they’ve fully made up their mind about me.” Gojo Satoru confesses to Nanami Kento.

In between assignments and his students, Gojo finds Nanami at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech’s grounds. They’re strolling along one of the many wooden hallways when Gojo opens up about you, his ex-fiancee and his current lover.

“What makes you say that?” Nanami rarely involved himself in other people’s romantic entanglements. Too much work really.

Gojo shrugs and sighs, “It’s like their affection is platonic. They care about me as a person, but I’m not sure if they have romantic feelings for me.”

The latest development of his relationship with you has been nothing short of daunting. Your relationship, albeit not exclusive was running past the six month mark. The longer he stayed around you the more pressure he felt. Commitment is not his thing. Dating his ex is also not his thing. But you certainly are.

“Can you blame them?” Nanami snorts, “How does it feel to be at the other end of the uncertainty?”

Gojo scowls in silence, hands pressed deep into his pocket.

“Well if they’re going out with you and stuff, then that’s not platonic.” Nanami offers. “Just make sure you’re not just fucking around again. Some people deserve better, Gojo. Leave them alone if you can’t get your shit together.”

Gojo stops walking. Nanami’s words are harsh and cold, voicing Gojo’s ultimate fear about himself.

Gojo opens his mouth and closes it shut. Nanami raises a brow. He senses some hesitation.

“Everything we do feels more intimate. I’ve been with other people, but this feels so…so….deep.” he murmurs.

Nanami turns around and snorts, “It’s the feelings. You’ve caught feelings.”

“This relationship feels so temporary...just when I feel like I’ve settled in, I’m to be up on my toes knowing this isn’t going to last. I realized they eventually want a family, but not with me. Because that’s just not me. It feels like there’s a time bomb waiting to go off.” Gojo continues, his tone silent and mournful.

More than anyone, Gojo knows you deep desire to be married and have a quiet family life. It's something he doesn't want and it pains him to know that you'll eventually go your separate ways.

Nanami breathes out, waiting for Gojo to catch up with a few long strides, “You can’t have everything.”

“I don’t need everything. Just the things that count.” Gojo replies, walking by Nanami’s side.

“Then you have to look for a happy middle, for you and for them.” Nanami shrugs.

Gojo scratches his head. What can he do?

————————————————————————————— You walk out of the morgue to leave Ieri to her work. As you step out, you come face to face with Nanami, who looks surprised that you’re here.

“Didn’t expect you to be around Ieri’s lair.” he comments.

“I didn’t expect to have a casualty either.” you shrug, waving around a file.

You hardly ever see Nanami after graduating. The school grounds were big. Your schedules never line up. Neither of you were particularly close.

He silently looks around if Ieri is behind you.

“So you and Gojo…” he trails.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms, “Not you too! You know what, instead of asking me, you should ask Gojo and his commitment issues, for updates.”

Your voice rings louder on the empty walls than you intended.

“I did.” he replies.

“And?”

“Commitment issues with a capital “C” indeed.” Nanami states, as if the fact was self-evident. What’s new? You sniff.

“It’s unusual to see him so conflicted about you. You used to be his rock.” he adds.

Your eyes narrow, as if asking for more information. You were never really sure how Gojo felt about you when you two were younger. He seemed attracted during your brief arranged engagement, but his attention obviously flitted elsewhere after that.

Nanami relents, “When we were freshmen, you reminded him of home. He pretends not to be homesick all the time. He’s not very good at hiding it when he talks about you.”

“Well, that feeling didn’t last, did it?” you murmur just loud enough for Nanami to hear.

The outside of the morgue has always been a little dark. You wished the lights were dimmer because you know Nanami is observing you.

“Not to defend him, but he was so wrapped in you and your engagement that he needed to find who he was outside of that. He likes attention, too. Can’t deny that. But his affections were sincere for a time.” he says, “I don’t know where his feelings stand right now. This isn’t to give you false hope, but he can be in love, even though it’s against his greater instincts and experience.”

He bows briefly to excuse himself. He needs to head in.

“But you already know that deep down. Out of all of us, you know him the longest, and I would argue, the best.” he adds.

You're left outside stunned by his words. Out of all his surviving friends, you assumed it was Nanami who knew him better than everyone else. It was you. You knew him best, even when Gojo wasn't by your side.

You smile a bit. There are some bonds broken romances can't break.

———————————————————— On a train home from your assignment, you find the bullet train crowded as usual. Rush hour is the bane of your existence in Tokyo.

As you try to find an empty seat, you’re surprised to find Gojo opening some sort of regional snack (again).

“How is it that you have so much time for souvenir shopping?” you groan in comment.

“It’s nice to see you, too.” he offers the seat next to his.

You plop down beside him, distracted. You think back to what Nanami said earlier. What was it that Nanami said? That you were Gojo’s rock? What did that mean really?

He tries to offer you some food. You wave him off dismissively. After gathering your thoughts, you decisively turn to him.

“I just want to know,” you swallow, “How did you feel about me when we were kids.”

With his mouth ajar, he blinks. Where was this coming from?

“Why?” he instinctively asks.

You purse your lips, “I’ve been meaning to ask for the longest while. I want to know your answer.”

He leans back into his seat and puts his food down in concentration.

“I thought I knew what love was and it came in the form of you. It’s kind of dumb. What would a teenager know about that kind of stuff?” he shrugs, “I liked the idea that you liked me. You were someone who supported me. You were there for me. You were generous with your time and affection.

“Looking back it’s just infatuation, isn’t it?" he asks rhetorically.

“You sounded naive.” you say, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

He chuckles, “Who wouldn’t be at that age?”

“And sincere.” you followed up with a smile.

Gojo turns away from you. He sees glimpses of your early teenage years when he sees that smile. It was the smile you wore when he visited you at your clan’s home and helped out with your chores. You liked it when he would carry the firewood you gathered from the forest.

“...you made me feel so grown up, like I had my life together. Not everyone liked who they were engaged to, but I really liked you and you had believed in me so much.” he murmurs, “I felt so lucky to be able to marry you one day. I was literally brimming with hope. But that was 13 years ago.”

You both get off the train. The crowded station greets you both. Although you walk side by side, it is too easy for the crowd to sweep you away. You hold onto his sleeve. He doesn't notice.  

You try to say goodbye when you make it out, but he seems distracted. You begin to walk away.

“You’re not saying goodbye?” he asks, startled.

“I did, but you didn’t mind me.” you smirk with your arms crossed.

“Sorry. There’s a lot going on in my mind.” he nods, walking up beside you.

He leans in to plant a kiss on your cheek. You pull away.

“We’re in public,” you remind him. Gojo isn’t public with you on anything.

He kisses you anyway, pressing his lips on your cheek. You’re surprised but not unpleasantly so. His kiss is long and lingering. You embrace him with your arms around his waist. You briefly close your eyes to drown out the noise of the station.

Gojo can feel his heart racing a thousand kilometers per second. His shoulders relax. It's strangely freeing to be able to kiss you in public.

He knows he’s not into commitment, but whenever he sees you, he questions myself.

“I have to go now.” you bid softly.

I love you. He holds back. He waves carefully to not let his words escape his mouth. He’s not fifteen anymore. He should know better.

Gojo begins walking back to Jujutsu Tech. Being able to kiss you goodbye made him feel so grown up, like he has his life together more than he actually does. It makes him feel, once again, that he is brimming with hope.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this as a follow up for another Gojo x reader fic who used to be engaged. Check out the other parts!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8

Comment or message to be added to the taglist! Or write down some comments about your feelsssss

Series Taglist: @tokyo-love-hotel@samkysnks@herownescape@cherrianne192@shamelessdonutsludgebanana@kageyamakock@shirostrbl@luvang3l@cloudsinthecosmos@httpjungoo @saturnki  @itstheee-ha-chan@gucci-froggy @soy1melk @dora-the-grownup @cherryonigiri @fiona782

If you’d like to continue being part of my taglist (JJK or Haikyuu), please let me know! I also write oneshots for both fandoms and soon I’ll be doing BSD too!

[panlight]

Do you think that Edward genuinely loves Bella or does he cling to her because he can't hear her thoughts and/or to maintain some semblance of humanity? Do you think it's a mix? What about Jacob? Does he legitimately love Bella romantically, is he only drawn to Egg!Nessie (ugh, gross), or is he confusing his platonic affection for Bella because he's scared for her? If none of the involved parties were supernatural, do you think that they'd be interested in each other?

SM clearly intends that Edward and Bella have the greatest love story of all time. She spells this out pretty explicitly on her website when comparing them to great lovers in literature and saying E/B are better:

What if true love left you? Not some ordinary high school romance, not some random jock boyfriend, not anyone at all replaceable. True love. The real deal. Your other half, your true soul’s match. What happens if he leaves?

The answer is different for everyone. Juliet had her version, Marianne Dashwood had hers, Isolde and Catherine Earnshaw and Scarlett O’Hara and Anne Shirley all had their ways of coping.

I had to answer the question for Bella. What does Bella Swan do when true love leaves her? Not just true love, but Edward Cullen! None of those other heroines lost an Edward (Romeo was a hothead, Willoughby was a scoundrel, Tristan had loyalty issues, Heathcliff was pure evil, Rhett had a mean streak and cheated with hookers, and sweet Gilbert was much more of a Jacob than an Edward). 

Obviously the intent is that Edward 100% loves her in the truest most romantic most selfless sense of the word. 

But, I mean, you don’t have to read it that way. I keep coming back to how SM herself explains Edward’s initial interest in Bella vs Esme’s initial interest in Carlisle as written in the guide:

Carlisle is unique to Esme because of who he IS--thoughtful and attentive. Bella is unique to Edward because of her silent mind and delicious blood. The former just feels more real and genuine to me but your mileage may vary. The latter seems to imply to me that Edward wouldn’t have noticed Bella or fallen in love with her without those two things that have nothing to do with her essence as a person (okay maybe the silent mind is loosely related to her introversion, I will grant that). But I suppose SM’s argument was that she was designed that way because they ARE destined to be together so whether he would be interested in her without those things are a moot point because she was always destined to be designed that way to entice him or whatever, and that once those superficial things attracted Edward’s interest, he genuinely fell in love with her as a person. 

re: Jacob I am firmly in the camp that his initial New Moon feelings were 100% real. He can’t imprint or feel an imprinting pull to Bella or future!Renesmee or anyone until he phases. He hadn’t phased yet and was still into Bella. So that was real. Maybe all the stuff post-wolfening was imprint related and that’s why he went so off the rails, idk, but those original sweet, supportive, selfless, sunny feelings? Those were legit. He always seemed to understand and relate to Bella better than Edward. Edward loved her but was constantly “surprised” by her; he didn’t understand her the way Jacob did, which he even comments on at some point. 

So I think Jacob would still be interested in Bella without the supernatural stuff because IMHO that’s already true in canon. Edward is harder to say. I think the implication is there that he wouldn’t (if he’s not a vampire neither her silent mind nor her blood would draw his attention in the first place) but I think SM would be horrified by that and insist they were always destined to be together, supernatural or not. 

[bewby]

ur so right about yungi and woosan........ i always feel like im intruding whenever i watch them in stuff like Hellaur. 🧍 woosan ESPECIALLY r just all up in each others shit but all 4 of em r the type to say babe platonically and bro romantically. i need to study them like bugs. i also need park "milfiest kpop man" seonghwa carnally but thats neither here nor there............

SEONGHWA IS SOOOO SPECIAL TO ME TOO LIKE i remember when i got into video editing it was SO MUCH FUN to edit him because he has such an insane stage presence like his expressions and even just Wjatever His Eyes do..... Whenever he Performs..... it's sooooo insane it's like he gets possessed by a demon i fuck with it SO HARD!!!!!! also he's a cancer rising with a cancer moon in the 12th house like it makes so much sense he's seen as a milf. JFJXJXDHDJ anyways sorry for the random astrology i have looked at his full chart before hehe. also the reason i brought woosan and yungi up is because i saw tjese new clips from this variety show (?) and it was so fascinating like what is goinf on here. and i saw someone analyze everyones dynamic and they mentioned how woosan said smth like "even if you did something horrible i'd understand your reasons" WHO SAYS THAT TO A SIMPLE BRO. QUICKLY!!!!!!!! they're crazy!!!!! i need to know more. also yungi are literally soulmates too but in a different way than woosan are cause they seem to need eachother Carnally... Meanwhile Yunho Betrayed Mingi in their latest game and mingi had a mental breakdown over it because he trusts yunho so much. DAMN!!!!!

[crypttechnikian]

About "Being Not Straight" by Jaiden Animations

so uhhh... i wanna expand upon some of the stuff that Jaiden said in she said in her video, as an orientated aroace.

an oriented aroace is an aromantic asexual (aroace) person who experiences a form of attraction that is neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. They will identify with another orientation label in a nonromantic, nonsexual way. i personally use it to help me express that i still feel these attractions, just very little.

i always thought that i had to express my feelings of romantic and intimate attraction, which when i was a kid, was a lot, or so i thought. like Jaiden said, those feelings are shoved into your face and not really ever explained. i thought that a lot of my platonic feelings were romantic. even now looking back sometimes i'm like "did i have a crush on that person?" even though i know that i experience very little romantic and intimate attraction to anyone.

i still identify as bisexual/romantic or mspec, since i do like people, just rarely. i do know that i at least had feelings for two (2!!!) people in my life, and those were my only ever serious relationships. not sayings that i didn't like a lot of people i said i had a crush on or dated, but it kind of seems that way.

i have made people uncomfortable by thinking i had a crush on them but i just had really really strong platonic emotions and thought they were super duper cool! i've lost friendships because of these, as well as being seen as weird.

on top of these extreme platonic emotions is the fact that i'm transmasc. i thought i had a crush on so many guys but it was really just gender envy/me wanting to be/look like them. it's a really weird feeling and not knowing i was a boy/nonbinary/transmasc made me think that i was feeling romantic or intimate attraction.

here's some more information about aromantics and asexuals, as well as educational blogs here on tumblr:

Asexual: What it Means, Facts, Myths, etc

The Trevor Project on Understanding Asexuality

Asexuality Wikipedia

What Does It Mean To Be Aromantic?

Bloomington PRIDE on Aromantics

Romantic Attraction Wikipedia

@ace-education @acespec-ed @avenpt @aroacechillzone @aromantic-official @dailyaspecpositive

(let me know if you know more blogs to add/if you want your blog to be removed.)