#there's so much I want to say but I don't want to spoil anything

[albertasunrise]

Work Wife - Seven

Masterlist

Summary: Working as a Secretary at Miller & Sons Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?

Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (sorry this took a while… as many of you know, we unfortunately lost my husband's brother before Christmas so my writing took a bit of a back burner. Lando's also cut two teeth so that's been fun. I hope this was worth the wait. Slightly shorter chapter this time but hopefully you all enjoy it ♥️)

Series Masterlist - One Two Three Four Five Six

You watched as Anna twirled her hair around her finger whilst she talked to Joel, practically eye fucking him. You wanted to walk up to her and rip the bangs from her head but, you also knew you didn't have any right to be jealous. You'd rejected Joel's advances. He had every right to move on.

But if you were being completely honest with yourself, you had hoped that he would wait for you. Hadn't he said that he would?

"The whole office can hear your murderous thoughts." Simon pulled you from your silent stewing session and you jumped a little in your chair as you looked up at him.

“They’re not murderous.” You argued, rolling your eyes at him.

“So you’re not planning her demise because she’s openly flirting with the man you love in the middle of the office?”

You choked on the sip of coffee you’d just taken and looked up at Simon with wide eyes.

“I don’t-“

“A blind man could see you’re in love with each other.”

You fumble for what to say. This is the man that you had dated for quite some time. The man you had lost your virginity to... and he's trying to talk to you about the man who'd, technically, been the reason for that relationship failing.

"Simon..."

"Don't worry, Pip." He said softly in an attempt to placate you "I was hurt for a while, sure, but to be honest... It was kind of a diskish move for me to make a move on you knowing how Joel felt."

"No... it was-"

"It was." Simon interrupted "It was but I just liked you so much and he didn't seem like he was ever going to make a move so I thought... Why not take my shot."

"I'm glad you did." You said softly and Simon smiled sweetly at you.

"I am too." He replied, "We had fun whilst it lasted... right?"

"Definitely." You replied, blushing furiously and Simon beamed at you.

"I know that you have stuff going on and I respect that you're taking time to recover from that before jumping into anything with him... but... Don't wait too long."

'Simon-"

"I just mean that life's short and we don't know when our number's up." He said, giving you a sympathetic look "Don't let your chance of happiness slip away."

You nodded and gave him a sweet smile as he winked at you and left. Leaving you to ruminate on what he had said to you. You weren't ready for anything yet but you also didn't want to lose Joel whilst trying to get yourself to the point where you are. You want to be with him and Sarah. To embrace that family you can still have, even without the baby you'd lost. You just needed to heal a little more first.

...

"You excited for the office party next week?" Asked Joel as your eyes scanned the shelves for the next food item on your shopping list.

"Sure." You reply, shrugging "I mean, it's a BBQ out in a constructors yard but..."

"We try'n make it pretty." Joel argues and you chuckle and roll your eyes at him.

"No amount of polishing can make a construction yard look pretty Joel." You snicker "But the food's always good so..."

"Exactly."

"You bringing Sarah?" You asked as you threw the item you'd been looking for into the trolley Joel's pushing.

"Of course." He grins, smiling at the little girl who's resting on your hip whilst you continue to read the list you'd put together.

"Wouldn't be the same without this little peanut." You said as you nuzzled her little cheek and grinned at the giggle this elicited.

"Mum said she's happy to take her home if I wanted to stay a little later but I expect I'll stay for some food and maybe a drink then head."

"Not wanna stay and party for a bit?" You ask and he shakes his head "Anna will be disappointed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Joel asked, two lines forming between his brows as he looked at you and awaited clarification.

"She just seems pretty smitten is all." You replied, not looking at him as you spoke "She was telling me how she was hoping to get to know you a little better."

"Why are you telling me this?" Joel growled and you finally looked at him "You know I have feelings for you so why are you throwing this BS at me?"

"I didn't mean anythin' by it I just-"

"I told you I'd wait for you. Said that when you're ready for us to be somethin' more, I'll be here." His tone made your heart twist painfully in your chest as you waited for him to continue "Now you're telling me the new girl likes me... for what reason Pip?"

"I guess I was jealous and I wanted to know how you felt-"

"You know how I feel!"

"I know... I'm sorry." You choked back, trying not to upset Sarah who was watching you both with a concerned expression on her little face "I don't know what came over me."

"You don't need to worry about who I have feelings for Pip." He said softly and your shoulders relaxed a little "I love you Pip... and I will wait for you to be ready."

"I know... Joel, I'm sorry I just... I guess I'm scared that you'll get fed up of waiting for me to be ready and I want to be ready I do it's just..."

"I know Pip... I understand." He said as he stepped a little closer to you, pinching Sarah's cheek when she smiled at him and then yours "Just don't play with my feelings like that. Please..." He trailed off and you nodded, giving him an apologetic smile and grinning when he pulled you into a side hug "Right, what have we got left on the list"

.

Later that evening you were finishing the dishes when Joel came down, baby monitor in hand and a fresh t-shirt on.

"She pee on you again?" You asked, trying not to laugh.

"Who said women can't aim?" He asked as he ran a hand through his slightly damp hair, something you hadn't noticed initially "Got me right in the face this time."

"Good girl." You chuckled and he bumped you with his hip when he came to a stop beside you.

"Careful." He warned with a smirk "We may fall out."

"Nah..." You say shaking your head "You love me too much." You freeze at your statement. Not because this was new information or anything but because you weren't sure how he would take the statement.

You looked at him gingerly, shoulders relaxing when you saw him smiling down at you sweetly.

"Yeah... I do."

You return his soft smile, looking away shyly before placing the final dried dish with the others. He helped you put everything, music floating from the radio sitting on the windowsill and you both bop and sing along to it. The whole situation was very domestic and you could not notice how right it all felt. Being here, doing such mundane chores. It all felt so natural, so right and it made you feel that little bit closer to being ready for this. All of a sudden, Joel grabs your waist and pulls you close, stealing the breath from your lungs as he starts to dance with you.

"Joel." You chuckle and he grins at you "What are you doin'?"

"Can't a man dance with a pretty lady in his kitchen?"

You don't say anything then. You just let Joel lead, swaying from side to side as the song plays softly through the speakers. You rest your head on Joel's chest and listen to the steady thump of his heart. It was a perfect moment. One you never wanted to end. But nothing lasts, and Sarah's cries coming through the baby monitor brought your moment to a premature end.

"I'll get her." You said sweetly, heading upstairs where you take her sniffling form into your arms and rock her from side to side, smiling as she falls asleep in your arms.

It makes your heart hurt a little, knowing that you would have started to feel your baby move by now. You'd imagined lazy mornings in bed with Joel, his hand on your swollen belly as he felt the little life you were growling rolling and kicking under his hand. Sarah lying with you and trying to copy her daddy. It's an image you've imagined a lot lately. One that you know isn't completely out of the question one day.

When she's back down, you rejoin Joel downstairs, smiling when he hands you a hot chocolate with all the trimmings. Just the way you like it. Sitting next to him and watching the movie he put out you think to yourself that perhaps you're not so far off being ready for this.

...

Day of the office party...

You had to give the guys credit. They had done a pretty good job this time around of doing the yard up for the party. A tipi-style tent had been erected to give people a little shade from the hot Texas sun. Joel's father's large grill had been brought over and was cooking burgers, sausages and steaks, filling the air with a rich aroma of spices and such.

You sipped at your refreshing lemonade as Joel regaled the latest tale of Sarah being her vibey self, making all the other guys laugh as you bounced the baby in question on your knee. You loved listening to him talk about her. He was such a proud dad despite it being thrust upon him out of the blue nearly 6 months ago. He had come so far in that time. Taking fatherhood by the horns and thriving.

"She's so fucking cute man." Simon gushed as he glanced at you and then at Sarah "Think you'll have more?" He asks and you glance at Joel before looking back at Sarah.

"Oh yeah." Joel chuckled "A bunch more I hope."

You looked at Joel with wide eyes, noting the apprehension in his but also noting the hopeful smile he gives you too. This man wants to have more kids... and he wants them with you. It's written all over his face. You smile back, hoping it gives him some relief.

"What about you Pip?" Pipes up Calen and you try not to wince at his question. He doesn't know... you remind yourself.

"Sure." You reply, trying to play it cool "Someday."

"I'd love to have a whole bunch." Anna states suddenly and you startle. You'd almost forgotten she was sitting with you all.

"Well Joel... Maybe Anna's ya girl." Caleb jokes and you can't hide how your stomach sinks at the insinuation. You know you shouldn't feel threatened. Joel had told you only last week that he had no feelings for Anna. That he loves you... that he will wait for you.

"He knows where I am." Anna flirts and you feel sick.

"Food's up." Shout's Joel's father and you're glad of the distraction.

Everyone gets to their feet but Joel motions for you to stay put, it's then that you notice Sarah has dosed off on you.

"One of everything?" He asked and you nodded.

"You know it!"

.

The food was delicious, as it always is. You continue to talk about work and girls the guys have been dating. The trip Mr and Mrs Miller had recently taken with Tommy. How Tommy's talking about enlisting when he leaves school. How his father thinks it'll be good for him but his mother hates the idea. The day is turning into one of the best parties you've been to since starting at the company and you're so engrossed in the conversation that you didn't notice when Anna slipped off after Joel announced he was going to the bathroom.

After a short while, Sarah starts to get fussy, so grabbing her bag you make your way to the office kitchen so you can change her and prepare a bottle for her. Bouncing the fussy Sarah in your arms, you talk softly to her and try to console her. Stopping in your tracks when you come across Anna and Joel kissing by the main entrance. Your sudden stopping makes Sarah cry harder and that's what steals Joel's attention from Anna and brings it to you, his eyes widening when he sees you standing there. Tears streaming down your face.

Sarah's distressed cries pull you from your trance and you quickly sprint past Joek and Anna, trying to get into the building but Joel's hand on your elbow stops you.

"Let go of me." You growl but Joel held firm.

"Pip please."

"I need to feed YOUR baby Joel." You spit "So let. Fucking. Go. of me." You growl and he does.

You head in and try to keep your cool as you change Sarah and prepped her bottle. You heard Joel come in but chose to ignore him. You couldn't face him right now. Not whilst you were tending to Sarah.

"Pip."

"Don't!" You warn him and he lets out a shaky sigh "You're a fucking liar Joel."

"It's not what you think!"

You don't say anything. You just leave the room and sit on the couch in the breakroom so you can feed Sarah. It felt bittersweet now, feeding his baby after he'd just torn your heart on and stomped on it but she was innocent in this.

Joel said nothing as you fed his daughter. Just stood there silently and waited for you to finish. When you were done, you burped her and pulled her into your arms. Getting up to leave, you don't look at Joel, just walk past him as you make your way out of the office. You are met by a concerned Lucia Miller. She takes the baby without a word and walks back to the party and you stand there, your shoulders heaving as you await Joel's inevitable explanation.

"Pip." He pleads and you let out a shaky breath "Please look at me."

You finally turn and face him, your eyes greeted by a sobbing Joel Miller and for a moment your heart aches to comfort him... But then you remember why you're in this position.

"It's not what you think."

"Not what I think?" You scoff "So I didn't just witness you kissing Anna?"

"Well... yes but she kissed me." He urges "I swear to you! She caught me by surprise and then I heard Sarah cryin' and saw you and I..." He trailed off and your impatience grew.

"And you what Joel?"

"I froze."

"Fuck you." You growl and he sobs.

"Pip, please... I love you." He choked "I swear to you that I didn't kiss her."

"Yeah well... Your promises mean shit all to me, Miller." You growl, turning your back on him "You're a fucking liar and I want nothing to do with you."

"Pip." Joel sobs as he watches you leave, his heart shattering into a million tiny pieces "I love you." He whispers as you disappear out of view.

Everything was fucked now.

Next

For updates follow @albertasunrise-ficsblog

[twst-drabbles]

Hello! this is my first time request something so I hope I didn't break any rules.

I want tooth rotting fluff sanctuary au with Leona and Ruggie. Nothing specific but I want to have a glimpse on their everyday lives with the caretaker mc

Leona and Ruggie 5

Summary: Ruggie and Leona are irritating to deal with when they decide to team up to bother you. Especially when you finally decided to start your walks again.

(Who doesn't like to indulge in cuteness? I certainly do!)

"Ruggie, can you not?" Sure sure, he doesn't really weigh much of anything, embodying the wind, but you never once said you'd be carrying him on your back while hiking. "Get off."

"What? You don't like my company? You're hurting my feelings here." Ruggie did, in fact, not get off and instead wrapped his arms tighter around your neck. You can practically hear the grin on his face, the brat. "I may not be tiny anymore, but this form consumes a lot of energy. I just get tired too easily, Caretaker."

Yeah and you have a flesh and blood body that's aging and breaking down in ways you don't want to talk about. You too get tired! It's why you're walking again.

"Should've stayed home then if you're that bone tired." You reached back and grabbed Ruggie by the scruff. He went limp and it was easy to slide him off. Ruggie was still smiling, though it was a little stiff. Looked funny. "Off you go."

"I didn't realize you've become so cold, Caretaker." Oh and here's the other familiar that decided to tag along as soon as Ruggie that announcement that somehow missed Jack's ears. "Here we are, putting in the effort to keep you company and you punish us by making us walk on our own legs."

"You're not even walking, Leona." He's laying on a large mound of sand that's been trailing behind you like a snail.

Leona waved you off, one arm behind his head. "Don't we deserve to be spoiled a little? Look at Ruggie's face. Can you really say no to that?"

Ruggie, still grabbing him by the scruff, pouted, ears flat against his head as stray leaves gently swayed around his body. You tossed him towards Leona's sand.

Leona gave a bark of a laugh while Ruggie whined out your name.

"Hey, do you really want us to go home?" Leona picked off the twigs and leaves collecting in his sands, flicking them off into a nearby puddle. "We can be quiet if it bothers you that much."

"We can just hide away so you can pretend we're not here, if that's better." Ruggie popped out from the sand, crossing his arms.

…that's a little too serious a tone to take on this early in the morning. That's concerning.

You raised an eyebrow. "You both really want to be with me, right?"

Leona didn't say anything, preferring to close his eyes, while Ruggie gave a big, defeated sigh. "Isn't it obvious? We'd end up worrying ourselves sick if we let you walk all alone."

…ah, alright. That's the core of it huh, worry. Well, hopefully there will come a day where they won't worry about that.

"Then walk with me all you like. Just, no surprise carrying. I need to used to my own weight first."

[eruden-writes]

Strictly Pleasure - Part 18 (Jek x Heidi)

orc x human age gap 18 of ? Chapters

Summary: An awkward fresh-out-of-a-relationship woman and an orc that owns a sex store enter an adult theater together. She, intent on pushing her own boundaries. He, just looking to give her some sense of safety. Well, that and he wouldn’t complain about having a bit of fun himself.

After they inevitably get interrupted, Jek deals with the problem while Heidi flees. Resigned, he believes he’ll never see her again.

Thus begins Jek and Heidi’s sporadic interactions until, eventually, they find themselves fumbling around each other daily at the very place it started: Strictly Pleasure.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

First - Master List - Previous

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The next hours flew by for Heidi. After eventually extricating herself from Jek, she showered, scheduled the lab appointment, researched, idly cleaned, and waited for Malachai to return home. Jek hadn’t left. He offered to stay and she jumped on the nicety, already feeling anxiety pounding through her heart at the prospect of being completely alone. He, too, showered before her son returned home from school.

Of course, Malachai got home while Heidi was in her room – freshening up after another unexpected cry – and Jek was left to fend for himself.

“Hey mom, I’m ho–“ The boy paused, spotting Jek on the couch as he clambered into the apartment. Malachai narrowed his eyes, dropping his backpack with a loud thump. “Who are you?”

Lounging on the couch, cell phone in hand and legs crossed at the knee, Jek turned a friendly smile to Malachai. He tried to ignore the sharp suspicion in the pre-teen’s words. “Jek Korgak. I work with your mom.”

Malachai narrowed his eyes. “The sex store owner.”

So she had explained her job to him. Lifting one shoulder in an awkward shrug, Jek nodded.

“Huh.” The boy grunted, before turning on his heel and shouting into the rest of the apartment, “Mom, why’s your boss here?”

Emerging from her room, face wiped clean of tears and all traces of inner turmoil, Heidi shot her son a look. “Don’t be rude, Malachai.”

“I’m just asking!” He threw his hands up in an exasperated fashion, unspoken questions obvious as he stared at his mother.

A loud ping cut through the tension in the air, both mother and child turning to Jek.

“My guy emailed back and said he can provide you some names of attorneys that he trusts. Some might be willing to go pro bono for you,” Jek relayed after quickly parsing the email. He shoved himself to his feet, approaching Heidi as he lowered his phone. “But seriously, I don’t mind footing the bill for you. My lawyer is pretty fucking good.”

He’d offered to cover her court costs a hundred times. As tempting as it was, Heidi shook her head as memories of Travis accusing her of being a gold digger echoed in her thoughts. “Jek, I can’t accept that.”

“It’d be like pro bono. Just, y’know, paid by me. Pretendo bono.” It was a struggle to keep his tone light. Something inside him wanted to push the issue, explain why he should be allowed to help her, to foot the bills, to protect her.

This had been an ongoing conversation after fucking. No matter what angle he tried to convince her, she turned down his help. Though Jek knew she wasn’t obligated to take his help and that he should stop offering, he couldn’t help himself.

Heidi crossed her arms, her features hardening after yet another repeated effort on his part. “You are my boss.”

Jek’s mouth opened, already poised to argue, when Malachai interrupted.

“Attorney? Pro bono? What’s going on?” The boy narrowed his eyes yet again, attention jumping between the two adults.

Those words cut through Heidi and Jek’s tiff. They shared a look, the argumentative tension deflating between them. Although, a new sort of tension replaced the light bickering. Silently, both weighed how best to approach Malachai. Though not Malachai’s father, Jek was a parent. He knew how to break serious topics to kids. However, he also was a stranger, which would only compound the potential upcoming life changes involving Artuk.

After a quiet beat, Jek finally relented and excused himself to the restroom. Though Heidi watched him retreat with a pang of anxiety, she knew it was for the best. Especially as she turned her attention to Malachai, whose brow furrowed with uncertainty after seeing the silent exchange between his mother and Jek.

“Let’s go sit,” Heidi sighed, offering her son a smile as she motioned toward the living room. Her heart flinched as Malachai stared, unmoving. Tears burned at the back of her eyes, emotions threatening to swallow her up again.

Swallowing down the woe, she braced herself and nodded to the living room once more. “Come on now, we have a lot to talk about, sweetheart.”

xxx

Somehow, the lab didn’t feel as daunting as Heidi thought it’d be. It helped that Jek was there with her. His notoriety helped to mask her own situation. As soon as they entered the waiting area, one of the front desk people perked up. Thanks to office gossip, a number of the relatively small staff had popped their head out to take a look at Jek after Heidi checked them in.

“Can you go anywhere without being recognized?” It wasn’t until after she muttered those words she realized how the three of them looked. A human mother with a half-orc child and a former orc rockstar? ‘Secret love child’ emblazoned over her thoughts and embarrassment flared across her cheeks as she pieced suspicions together.

As Jek shot Heidi a roguish grin, she had no doubt he’d already realized what they looked like. Which only prompted the flush to bite harder at her cheeks.

Heidi was saved by Malachai groaning and rolling his eyes. The reminder of her son’s presence cooled her mortification, but unleashed guilt across her thoughts. How could she be getting flustered when there were more important things happening?

After being told about his biological father’s legal request and explaining what they had to do next, Malachai had reacted in protest. Declarations about fairness and about not wanting to see the man who had abandoned him – them – came easily to his lips. Heidi bit her tongue, uncertain if agreeing would be seen as alienating Malachai from Artuk.

Though, frankly, the man had done it himself. Over a decade of absenteeism and now he wanted contact? Heidi could only imagine why. Maybe Artuk had a family-minded lover or maybe he was down on his luck and thought the tax breaks would be enough to help his floundering finances. Or maybe he had a change of heart and wanted to know Malachai, after all this time.

The last thought made Heidi internally flinch. If he did want to know Malachai, to know his own progeny, could she stand in his way? Her son might complain now, but what about later in life? Scenarios spun around her head, dizzying her already fragile state of mind.

While Heidi fell into deep thought, Jek glanced at the sullen pre-teen. He didn’t think the kid had uncrossed his arms since learning about Artuk’s legal actions, both blocking out the world while protecting himself. Malachai had gnashed his teeth, questioned, stomped, slammed doors, and risen his voice at the news. Once he’d had a chance to be heard, Heidi broke the news that they had an appointment to do the paternity test as well.

‘Might as well rip the band aid off,’ she had said. The withering look Malachai had shot her would have made Jek flinch. But she hadn’t. She just stared down her son calmly, though Jek had noticed a tension to her jaw and a glassiness to her gaze that betrayed her emotional turmoil.

It was clear to Jek that the kid wanted nothing to do with is absent biological father. Whether the courts saw the same, however, was a different matter.

Across the waiting area, a lab technician dressed in scrubs stepped through a doorway, looking at a clipboard. “Malachai Harris.”

“That’s us.” Heidi raised her arm as she stood, shifting gears as she shook off the potential paths the future could take. Jek surprised her by standing as well and a conflicting mash of relief and uncertainty bubbled up in her.

Wrinkling his nose, Malachai got to his feet. He brushed passed Jek, thumping his shoulder into the older orc’s side. “Why are you coming back?”

“Moral support,” Jek answered easily, not even bothered by Malachai’s obvious shoulder check.

The younger orc spun around, nose wrinkling and lip curling. “I don’t need you.”

“Your mom might,” Jek replied, gently but firmly. His tone made Heidi’s heart flutter, even as she mentally berated the organ for it’s inappropriate timing.

Malachai’s eyes bounced to his mom. His shoulders slumped and Jek thought the boy was more aware of Heidi’s emotional state than he’d given him credit for. “Fine.”

Moments later, the technician explained how the saliva swab would work, the turnaround for analysis, and how it would be reported to the court. Heidi sat beside Malachai, hands clasped tight in her lap as she nodded. Jek stood by her side, leaning against the wall.

“Alright, are we ready?” The technician smiled, patting their own knees. Their nametag read ‘Myles’ with ‘he/him’ supplied beneath.

“I don’t want to do this,” Malachai muttered, his shoulders tense and pulled to his pointed ears.

Heidi laid a hand to her son’s shoulder, guilt shooting through her when she felt how tense he was. “I’m sorry, but we have to.”

“Why?” The singular word broke over Malachai’s lips, his voice cracking with puberty and emotion.

“Your biological father has petitioned the courts, we have to do this or face legal discipline.” It had been the millionth time she said those exact words. She had practiced it, on and off, while he was at school. Calling Artuk a ‘father’ was stretching it, but tacking on ‘biological’ lessened the bitter taste.

The words still made Heidi’s throat clog with emotion and heat bit behind her eyes.

“Kid, your mom isn’t the enemy here.” Jek crouched down, catching the still-seated Malachai’s eyes. In the past, he’d have to take similar positions when Jade was upset about something. He found placing himself lower often made kids feel better, for whatever reason.

A snarl curled at the boy’s lips, showing off his adolescent tusks. “I know that!”

“You’re fighting to show the courts this Artuk fuck isn’t your dad, right?”

Heidi flinched at Jek’s words. She wasn’t sure if she should let someone else call Artuk a fuck, but the conversation was charging along without her. Part of her was just so relieved to hand the reins over to someone else, anyhow.

She was so tired and, honestly, she wasn’t sure she could keep herself from crying in the face of her son’s distress.

“Yeah.” Something in Malachai’s demeanor shifted, his eyes slightly narrowing. An adult verbally seeing his point of view and calling the enemy a fuck seemed to help.

As Jek guessed, recalibrating the kid’s thoughts toward action helped. It did in most cases for orcs. Of course, it was preferred in orcish culture to settle disputes with physicality than a bloated legal system. It was simpler. But Jek learned a long time ago that not all peoples wanted to settle problems with an orc through fisticuffs.

“First step is complying,” Jek said, even as his own instincts gnashed at the very thought.

Malachai felt the same way as a look of disgust crossed his features. “What?”

“Show you’re mature enough to take the swab then move on to the next step: answer their questions through the process, but be fierce in standing up for yourself and feelings.” Jek poked his index finger against Malachai’s chest, the physical contact making the boy sit straighter and his eyes take on a ferocity behind his glasses. “Your mom will do her best to advocate for you, I’m sure, but it’ll help hearing something well-reasoned from a mature kid.”

As Jek stood, trying not to feel like a battle chief who had just laid out a plan of attack, Malachai eyed the technician and the offensive swabs suspiciously.

When Malachai’s uncertainty looked about to win out, Jek took it a step further.

“This is the easiest step. Look.” Without warning, Jek plucked one of the DNA swabs from the cart and shoved it into his mouth. He rubbed it along the inside of both cheeks, as the technician indicated. When done, he withdrew it and – apparently eager for Theoretical Menace DNA – the technician happily took it from him.

“See? Easy peasy.” Jek grinned down at Malachai. He leaned forward a little, hands on his hips as he shot the boy a goading grin. “Or are you going to let a little cotton swab scare you?”

Malachai’s nose wrinkled as he frowned at the older orc, but his hand extended to the technician.

Heidi had to swallow a sigh of relief when her son finally jab the swab in his mouth, doing as instructed to collect the specimen.

One hurdle down. A million more to go.

[cozylittleartblog]

Columbo and the Knight (1984)

put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.

Autism W!

[to-proudly-go]

Put your padawan down Anakin please he's not a tooka

I made art for the reverse AU fic One legged race by Ancathepurple! It's angsty but the comfort and fluff in the end is so worth it 🥹

Lifting his padawan up into the air by holding under his armpits, Anakin hooted as the doors opened in front of them, catching his padawan off guard. “I have the best karking padawan in the entire galaxy!" He called out while entering the council chamber, Obi-Wan squeaking and kicking both his flesh and metal leg while staring at the council with wide eyes.

(TW on the fic: child neglect, Padawan Obi whump)

[igbylicious]

me: hm fandom is always so exhausting for me even tho it's fun :( i gotta figure out a way to be in this space so it costs less energy & it won't constantly exacerbate my chronic bullshit :(

me later: okay so reviving my old ateez blog @wooyoungslipmole to reblog gifsets, art, memes etc etc works really well! (/blatant plug-in) i can easily mute the blog's notifs to manage the overstim better and i'm not flooded w/ small, flashing images in my writing blog's activity anymore so it's less of a strain to look at! yay, progress!

me, who should have stopped there: huh, maybe then a separate blog for fic recs is also smart 🤔

me: and it's also a nice excuse to finally create an actual tagging system so ppl can search recs by members! and by genre! and whether it's reader insert or not! and oneshots or series! maybe i should tag different types of au's too? 🤔🤔

me: AND OH WHAT IF, WHAT IF, what if i go through all my old recs and queue them up for the new blog so they're neatly gathered in one place, AND i rotate them by member so there's a nice even spread in content!!! and i should also spread out the writers too so they don't get spammed too much. yes yes let's do this 👍 hmm wait i've got like 80 fics in my queue now and i'm not sure if i have any recs left for certain members... i knew i'd have more for some than for others but this... hm... maybe i should tally which members are in the remaining 90 fic so i know what the exact disparity is 🤔 oh dang i read a LOT more San fic than i realised lol oop okay so all i gotta do is dig through my tumblr tbr for the other members and read massive amounts of fic for them so i can keep my queue nice and balanced! yeah lately i've felt too blocked to read anything on tumblr, that's true, but having a deadline will make all the difference to kick my brain back into gear, i'm sure 👍 brute-forcing it will have no negative consequences 👍 let's start wi— wait what do you mean it's 2am already? why is my brain all frazzled and foggy???

me: ...okay maybe, just maybe, it's not fandom that's exhausting.........

[euphreana]

The Shape of Truth - Chapter 7: Unit 531

Masterpost

-

Knightly Storage required a passcode to get in. The key tag hadn’t included that - it just had the name and unit number; 531. And 531 wasn’t the code.

The storage building was a tall, stone structure with a side entrance hidden from the street by some towering bushes. An awning over the door blocked the rain as Ambrosius stared at the keypad next to the doorway. Nimona, next to him, shifted into a hulking humanoid with large hands.

“We could break in.” She said with a grin, flexing an arm.

Ambrosius rolled his eyes.

“That would be illegal.”

Nimona smirked and shifted back to a teen.

“As if today wasn’t already toeing the line.”

“We didn’t… break any laws.”

“Sure. We just bent them a little.”

“Exactly. A knight must uphold the rules that keep us in order.”

Nimona groaned.

“Come on… don’t tell me you haven't broken at least ONE rule at least ONCE in your life.”

Ambrosius still looked unamused.

“Even if I did, I wouldn't be telling YOU about it.”

“Aw, why not?”

“Because I still don't know anything about you! I don't even know how old you are, or if ‘Nimona’ is even your real name!”

Nimona was silent while Ambrosius tried to figure out the door code, punching in several numerical combinations off the top of his head. The keypad flashed red each time.

Nimona’s voice broke his concentration.

“They never told you how your dad really died, did they?” she said, seemingly out of nowhere.

Ambrosius gave her a side glance.

“What in Gloreth's name are you talking about?”

“I mean you were just a kid - they didn't want you to think he was a bad man or anything - nothing you could possibly blabber to the wrong person about. They told you he went out for a few drinks with his knight buddies, got plastered, and then walked in front of a speeding truck, right?”

Ambrosius looked wary.

“That's... what happened.”

“That's what they WANTED you to think happened. That's what they wanted EVERYONE to think happened. They couldn't let Gloreth's name get dragged in the mud, could they?”

Ambrosius didn’t look convinced.

“So you're saying there was a coverup.”

"I'm saying you never saw him drunk before, did you?”

“I don’t remember. Maybe?”

“Believe me, you didn’t.”

“How would you know?”

“I’m telling you - I’m full of information about your family.”

Ambrosius turned back to the keypad.

“Aaaand now you're just sounding creepy. One less reason for me to trust you.”

“Think about it though! The man never got drunk. So how did he get so tipsy that night he didn't see the truck coming?”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“Hey, you don't have to take my word for it - with your rank, you can go to the medical records building and see the original coroner's report for yourself.”

Ambrosius typed in another combination.

“Maybe I will. Or maybe I won't. What difference would it make? He’s still dead.”

The keypad flashed red again. Ambrosius sighed. He was quickly realizing he could stand here all day trying different combinations and none of them work. He waved a hand towards the other side of the building.

“Come on, let’s go to the office.”

“I still vote ‘break in’.”

Ambrosius gave her a weary look. Nimona held her hands up.

“I mean bend, not break.”

~ ~ ~

There was already a woman arguing with the clerk when Nimona, now matching Ambrosius’s height and age, entered the office, followed by Ambrosius himself. Fortunately, there was another worker passing by whom Nimona was able to flag down.

“Heeeeeey… I totally forgot the passcode for the door. Could you let me in?”

The worker pointed to the desk.

“Sure, just show them your ID.”

“ID… yeah… you know, I think I left it at home. I just ran over here to get something” she dangled the storage key in her hand.

The worker gave a forced smile.

“Talk to the desk.”

They both looked at the discussion at the desk. It didn’t look like it was going to end soon.

Nimona held a hand up, “Come on, me and my brother just need to grab something real quick.”

“Talk to the desk.”

“What if I slid you a 20 goldpiece?”

“Talk to the desk.” The worker pushed past her, off on their own errand.

Nimona glanced at Ambrosius with a look that said ‘ok we tried it your way and it didn’t work.’ Ambrosius shrugged and jerked his head towards the desk. This could still work - his own ID would draw attention, but maybe Nimona could work something out.

“For the last time, we can’t let you use acid on the lock!” The clerk behind the desk was saying, “You either find your key or find a licensed locksmith to remove the lock for you.”

The woman in front of the desk waved a hand desperately.

“But what if—”

“We can recommend a locksmith for you if you don’t want to do the footwork yourself.”

“— I fill the lock with water, and then freeze it! Water expands when frozen, so the lock should break right off!”

“Miss Bitsmore, there are other people waiting in line behind you.”

“It’s Blitzmeyer! Meredith Blitzmeyer!”

“Miss Blitzmeyer, would you like the number for the locksmith or not?”

“I’m telling you, I can’t afford a locksmith! My lab burned down and I’m living off savings!”

Ambrosius’s ears perked up. The initials from the sword invoice flashed in his mind. MB!

The clerk didn’t miss a beat, sliding a business card across the desk.

“You can find the number here. Let us know when you plan to come. Next!”

The woman waved her hands in exasperation and stomped out the door, not bothering to take the card. The clerk tapped an intercom button on the desk.

“Hey, keep an eye on unit 531 - we might get someone trying to break into it.” Then the clerk looked up at Nimona. “Can I help you?”

Nimona gave a toothy grin.

“Heyyyy, I need to get in but I forgot the passcode. My ID is—”

Ambrosius hurried forward and grabbed Nimona by the arm.

“Hey you know what? I think I remember where you left your ID!” He pulled her toward the door. “Come on!”

~ ~ ~

It had started to rain in earnest now. Meredith Blitzmeyer walked hands-free, umbrella balanced on her shoulder thanks to the weights built into the bent shaft and handle. She'd designed that part herself, and more.

“Excuse me missus umbrella lady...”

Meredith looked down to see a small boy suddenly standing in front of her. He was dressed in tatters and looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“I can't find my mommy... She went through that scary alley over there.” the child pointed, shivering in the rain. “Could you help me find her? Pwease....?” He looked up at her with sad puppy eyes.

Meredith glanced around. There were other people walking down the street, but nobody was stopping to see if the child was alright. Nobody except her. She sighed.

“Come on, let’s find your mom.” She took the child by the hand and started down the alleyway.

She hadn’t gotten far before she sensed someone else behind her. She glanced over her shoulder. Sure enough, there was a tall, hooded figure barely a meter behind her. Of course. Meredith could have slapped herself for being so gullible.

The hooded figure reached out, but Meredith was faster. Before either the child or the stranger could react, she’d swung her umbrella off her shoulder, collapsing it and shoving the end into the stranger’s chest. A crackle of electricity rippled through the air and the hooded figured dropped like a stone.

Meredith broke into a run. The street was close. Just a few meters… A beastly snarl echoed down the alley as a set of jaws clamped around her leg, yanking her to the ground. Meredith tried to get back up, but the grip on her leg wouldn’t let go. It started to drag her backwards, away from the street, back into the dark alley.

The electrified umbrella was still in her hands. Meredith turned and swung it at the beast, electricity arcing at its tip. She almost hit it. It let go of her instead, ducking out of the way. That was all the time she needed to get back to her feet. But before she could run, the hooded figure slammed into her, knocking her back to the ground. Then the beast - a large, pink wolf - grabbed the umbrella in its jaws and yanked it away.

Meredith blinked in surprise. Pink? The next thing she knew, the hooded figure had rolled off her and the wolf was towering above her, teeth bared.

A man’s voice rang out, angry.

“Who are you working for?!”

The question caught Meredith by surprise.

“What?!”

“We know you ordered the sword!”

“I didn’t—”

“We have paperwork - with your initials on it! You had the sword - the sword that killed the queen - the sword that framed Ballister, that got him killed…” The man’s voice broke.

Meredith tried to look at the source of the voice, but the wolf growled at the slightest movement. The man found his voice again, wavering as it was.

“I should turn you in now. There’s enough evidence here. That’ll be enough to prove his innocence, and then… then…”

The wolf spoke in a female voice.

“Hey, keep it together man. We’ve got an interrogation here.”

Meredith, fully bewildered by now, broke in.

“I didn’t do it! They ordered the sword in my name and then burned down my lab when I said I wouldn’t put the blaster in it! …. I can show you the emails!”

The man sank to his knees next to her. Meredith got a look at his face.

“Wait, you’re the Goldenlocks guy!”

Ambrosius didn’t bat an eye.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“Ohhh no… I- I didn’t do anything wrong! I swear I thought I was designing mining equipment! Good Gloreth I talk too much…”

“Why didn’t you say something after they arrested Ballister?”

“I thought he was the one who’d ordered the sword! I- I didn’t want to get in any more trouble!” Meredith blinked several times under her glasses. “They already killed my friends in the fire…”

There was a long silence. Then the wolf spoke again.

“You think she’s telling the truth?”

“Not all of it.” Ambrosius turned back to Meredith. “You said there were emails. Show me.”

Meredith hesitated.

“Ah, you see, I don’t have my work email on my phone - I use my laptop for that. And I left that at home.”

Silence. Meredith spoke again.

“So if you could let me go….”

“We found this at your old lab.” Ambrosius said, holding up the misplaced storage key.

Meredith’s eyes grew wide. Ambrosius pocketed the key and continued.

“Meet us at the library. We’ll be in a study room under the name ‘Goldenlocks’. Bring the laptop. Otherwise I toss the key and give the sword invoice to Security.”

“But… I have somewhere to be…”

“You have two hours.”

Meredith looked like she wanted to say something else, but thought better of it. She didn’t want to get on the bad side of a noble, much less a knight. She nodded instead.

The wolf backed up. Meredith scuttled backwards, grabbing her umbrella and getting to her feet. She paused to brush the water from her clothes.

"If I can ask... You said you thought Ballister was framed. Why? Didn't he confess to the murder?"

Ambrosius hesitated.

"I don't think that confession was from him. It didn't... sound like him."

Meredith gave an unimpressed “Oh,” then flicked her umbrella open and hurried back to the street. Still in the alley, Nimona shifted back to dog form, suddenly dry as she ducked under an overhang. Ambrosius turned away, rubbing his eyes. Nimona looked up at him.

“You okay, boss?”

Ambrosius didn’t look at her.

“… It was just yesterday. They published the confession at noon, and he was dead before sunset.” He leaned back against the wall. “I didn’t even get to see him...”

Nimona sat next to him, pressing her furry head under his hand. Ambrosius reflexively ran his fingers through her fur, appreciating the softness. He cracked the faintest smile. So that was what having a dog was like.

Next Chapter

[chaos-potat]

I feel like being mutuals means so much less than everyone makes it seem

You literally just follow each other, that's it

Most of my mutuals probably don't even remember who I am after I stopped drawing for them

Edit: the rant in the tags is more about being annoyed with people who tell me they like my art and follow me, but that's it, no art support at all

[loumauve]

Death and Tax Evasion really got me ngl I mean.. how can you look at this and come away entirely unchanged:

[articskele]

Thinking about....... Sun Onceler.........

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Oof ep 18-19 was a bit of a mess for me but the latter half of 19 was wild in a good way.

I really wish the show had the space (and maybe the intention?) to slow-burn its way through the plot because transitions/interludes/passage of time are not really its strong suits and it makes the overall story incredibly bumpy. At the same time I think I prefer binge-ing the episodes so maybe the wait and the smaller doses also contribute to the choppiness I'm feeling (in addition to the missing—what word am I looking for, cartilage?—between scenes).

Also this is trivial but ZYC's costume changes give me a lot of whiplash personally lmao. I lowkey wish there was a bit more rhyme and reason for when he's suddenly in a different (incredibly intricate and gorgeous) outfit or his hair or silhouette is drastically different. Even just a "he's fussy about his appearance/never wears the same thing the same way twice" would be nice for me given everyone else's costume changes are a bit more subtle.

Anyway, crazy things are happening and I do not know how I feel about them!! There's a fair amount I'm looking forward to and a lot that I'm not passing judgment on yet because this show, like MJTY, withholds a lot of information. But I'm pretty uncertain whether what I want to eventually see will pay off enough or whether it'll just go by way too quickly or heavy-handedly for me—but I guess that's what fanfiction is for (-:

[lastthroes]

they really did this to me huh

[im2tired4usernames]

Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die

[sporco-filth]

Halloween Costume Curse - Chapter 2

Ok I guess I lied. I wrote this today after I just said I wasn't in the mood.

In fairness, this has to be the coldest I have written a slob story. I mean, I wrote this one two-handed which I pretty much never do.

It's also not that slobby and maybe it's a little too story-focused but I'm not sacrificing narrative quality for increased concentration of slob stuff. There's slob stuff, but it's a long chapter and it's spread out a bit.

Things will get hotter in the next chapter. That is 100% a one-handed story.

Synopsis: Jason wakes up after the Halloween party and finds himself transformed into a fat slob. He hopes it's just a bad dream, but everything seems to suggest this is his reality. Maybe one of his friends can help shed light on things...

"Ugh… my head…" Jason rubbed his eyes. The afternoon sun peeked through the shutters and he grimaced. He'd drunk way too much the night before and was paying for it now. "I barely remember anything," he muttered. His mouth tasted terrible, and his breath smelt even worse, like stale beer. He knew he should get up and try to clean himself up but he felt so sluggish and tired, all he wanted to do was sleep. It must've been all that alcohol and partying, he thought. I overdid it a bit, I guess. He tried to get up, but his body felt… bigger, and softer. He looked down and rubbed his blurry eyes. "Oh, that stupid fat suit," he muttered. "I must've fallen asleep in it." With a bit of effort, he managed to overcome his rebelling limbs and the bulk of the costume and stumbled out of bed. It feels a lot heavier than it did last night… His stomach growled in hunger. He couldn't recall the last time he ate, but his bladder was a little more insistent and he decided to deal with that first. Heading into the bathroom, he undid his fly and went to remove his costume, but… "What the fuck?" He felt his body. "There's no way…" He looked up into the mirror and saw it. It was true: he was now fat. Despite his headache, Jason's mind raced. He had no idea what was going on. "I must be dreaming," he said to himself, clutching his forehead. "This is all some sort of dream. Did that fucking Darius bring some shit to the party? Am I just hallucinating?" Whatever it was, the pressing need to pee was real. He sat down and tried to think. OK, well this all seems real, he thought, feeling the folds of fat and sagging lovehandles. A weird thought came to mind. What if this is reality and the old life I remember was the dream… He shook his head. No, it couldn't be: he had no memories of being fat.

When he was done, Jason's head has cleared enough that he could properly take in his surroundings. He'd never been that great at keeping house, he'd never seen the point in dusting or making the bed, but he had never been this bad: Take-away boxes, chip wrappers and empty soft drink bottles littered the room; the bedsheets looked like they hadn't been washed in years, and reeked of stale sweat and farts; and spread across the floor were his clothes, all covered in what he hoped were just food stains. What was weirder was they weren't his clothes, or at least, not any he'd bought and they were all much, much bigger than his normal size. Staring at the mess, his stomach grumbled again. Hunger was beginning to gnaw at his mind, but there was something he had to do first. He went back into the bathroom and found his scales. He stood on it and watched the numbers steadily rise. "Fuck," he swore. "138 kilos." (to save any Americans in the audience the effort, that's ~304 lbs) As he stood there, staring at the empirical evidence of his new form, he heard his gut crying out for food once more and decided that maybe if he'd be a little more clear-headed with something in his stomach.

The kitchen was just as filthy as his bedroom, if not worse. There was a leaning tower of pizza boxes so high he could charge tourists to come see it, the sink was full of murky water in which dirty plates and bowls floated like the carnage of a shipwreck, and every surface was coated with a layer of grease and grime and crumbs. Putting that aside, he opened the fridge. The only thing in there was a bottle of beer and two packets of sauce. OK, that's actually pretty normal, he thought. Jason had a habit of forgetting to go shopping, but surely there was something edible around here. He opened the pantry and found it was, thankfully, stocked with food, but when he looked more carefully he saw it was all junk food. "Who eats this shit?" he wondered aloud. Sure, Jason would indulge occasionally on nights out with the boys, but he was a personal trainer; he had to keep himself in shape and his diet at home was meticulous. The collection of empty calories, salty snacks and sugary sweets was a far cry from what he usually ate. With nothing better to eat, he opened a pack of doughnuts and began to chomp away at them. His stomach capacity seemed to be larger than it had before, further proof the change was real, and he soon found himself having eaten them all. "BEELLCHH, excuse me." Jason opened the bin to throw the packet away, but finding it full, he decided to just toss it wherever. After all, the place was already a pigsty.

Just then, an idea came to him. "That's it! I'll call the guys. Maybe they'll know something that can help explain what the hell is happening here." He pulled out his phone and rang Brad. He didn't answer. Jason tried again. After the third attempt, Brad finally picked up. "Eh, Jase," he murmured. "Bro what's… what's up mate?" "Hey, Brad, OK this is gonna sound crazy but I woke up today and I'm a fucking fatass." "Uh… uhuh…" Brad slurred. "I mean, I wasn't fat yesterday, right, so what the fuck happened last night?" "Huh?" "I mean, I'm not fat, but I am now. What happened?" "Jason," Brad sighed. "I've got a fucking massive headache and I'm hungover and you're just saying fucking words man. Like I don't get what the fuck your saying. I mean, what is your question?" "How did this happen? I'm fat! Did Darius spike my drink or something? Am I hallucinating?" "Bro, chill. I'm… I got no idea and I don't think I… yawn ugh, I haven't got a fucking clue. I dunno call Darius if you think he's… I honestly I don't remember what you said. Hey do you think―" Jason hung up. It didn't seem he would be getting anything useful from Brad anytime soon. He dialled Darius' number. "Hey, Darius, quick question." "It better be quick," Darius said. "I'm kind of in the middle of something buddy." Jason her a female voice giggling in the background. "Sorry, but I can't remember last night at all." "Yeah, it was a wild one." "You didn't bring anything, you know…" "I did, but only enough for me Why?" "Well, I'm like… fat. And I didn't go to bed fat, so I don't understand what's going on." Jason could hear the woman's voice again, this time asking Darius a question. Darius covered the receiver, his voice becoming muffled as he answered her. "Listen, Jason, I can't deal with your fat fuck problems today, all right mate? I've got more important shit to do. Call Light n' Easy or something I don't fucking know." Before Jason could say another word, Darius had hung up. Jason frowned. It almost sounded like Darius already knew he was fat. He shook his head, maybe he just wasn't paying attention. He decided to try one more person: Hayden.

"Hey, Jason," Hayden answered. "How are ya?" "Alright, alright…" he paused. "Say, Hayden, do you remember last night?" "Well, I'm still a bit hungover, and my memory's a little hazy, but yeah, mostly, why?" Jason explained his story: waking up, the mirror, the scale, the house, the phone calls. "And it seems like even Darius thinks I was already fat. I mean, there's no way I went from being fit to fat overnight: it's ridiculous." Hayden laughed long and loud. "Oh, man, that is ridiculous! That's the funniest shit I've heard all year!" Jason smiled. "I'm glad that someone else agrees that it's impossible." Hayden caught his breath. "Yeah, no shit it's impossible: you've been a fat blob for years." "Very funny. Stop fucking with me Hayden." "I'm not," Hayden replied, chuckling. "Wow, you really must've overdone it at the party." Jason's face dropped. "Hey, I'll be over in… a half hour? If you want?" Hayden continued. Not sure what to say, and still reeling, Jason just said OK and hung up. Maybe in person they could sort things out.

"There's no way I've been fat for years…" he muttered. He opened his photo app, hoping there he'd find evidence of his former body. Scrolling through all the photos of boys' nights out and overseas holidays he saw himself but he was different: in every single photo he was fat. "What the fuck…" he scrolled furiously. Here was one from a year ago, at Kyle's birthday: Jason looked like a pig, his shirt barely holding on as his bulging body pushed at the seams, the tight fabric making him look like an overfilled sausage about to burst from its casings. "What's up with Hayden?" he wondered. In most of the candid pictures, Hayden seemed to have his eye on Jason or would be touching him in a way that seemed a little too friendly. But Jason put this out of his mind; there was something more concerning: all of his gym selfies, the footage of him working out that he used to post online to show off his adonic body, had gone and in their place were endless photos and videos of his fat belly, of him stuffing his mouth with food or drinking litres of soft drink. He furrowed his brow. Maybe this was all some sort of elaborate Halloween prank all is friends were in on. Maybe these photos were all fake, after all, with photoshop and AI shit, you can make any nonsense look real. Jason decided he needed an impartial witness. He rang his gym. "Good afternoon," a chirpy voice said. "How can I help you?" "Hi, I'm Jason, Jason Adams. I wanted to make sure I'm a member of your gym." "No worries, may I ask why?" "It's… complicated." The woman put him on hold for a minute. "Hmm… there's no Jason Adams in our membership list." Jason rubbed his brow. "But I work there, I'm one of the personal trainers!" "Hang on…" she hummed as she looked again. "Nope, still nothing." "Please, surely I'm on the records! I've been going to this gym for ten years!" "OK, calm down sir, I'll check the past member records." A tense few minutes of waiting followed. "Yep! Found you: Jason Adams. You joined us ten years ago and then it says here you quit five years later." "I… see…" "I'm not sure why you think you were a personal trainer here though… Perhaps it was a different gym?" "Yeah, maybe… Anyway, thanks for checking." He hung up and sighed. Either this was the most elaborate prank ever or it was real life. He looked around his house and then at himself. "I guess it is real life: I'm a slob." As he sat there, trying to come to terms with this change, his phone buzzed. It was a message from Hayden:

almost there picked up something along the way 😈

What the? What's with that emoji? With a growing sense of dread, Jason scrolled up to read their previous exchanges. His eyes widened; his mind spun. No. No way. No fucking way is that possible.

Just then, the door unlocked and in walked Hayden. He has a set of keys to my house, Jason's mind raced. How does he have the keys to my house? In Hayden's hands was a white box. "Hey, sorry to make you wait," he smiled. "You ready?" "Hayden," Jason said, voice shaking. He stood up, balancing himself by holding onto the table. "What's going on here?" Hayden shook his head. "Man you really got messed up last night. I knew you drank a lot but usually you can handle your alcohol better." He chuckled and placed the box down on the table. "OK piggy, sit down." "I'm not going to sit down." Jason stared at Hayden, feeling his blood pumping in his ears. Hayden smirked. "Oh is my little piglet being rebellious now?" His face darkened. "I said, sit down you fucking slob." A weird sensation ran down his spine and, despite his previous bravado, Jason sat. "Good." Hayden opened up one of the boxes, revealing the brightly coloured cupcakes inside. Jason knew what was coming next. "Hayden, I'm serious. I'm straight, and so are you. What the fuck are you doing?" Hayden laughed, taking one of the elaborately iced cupcakes out of the box. "Bro, what are you on about? We've been fucking since first year uni." This assertion hit Jason like a blow, but Hayden continued. "Sure, it was just casual flings here and there," he said, licking a bit of icing off his thumb. He looked Jason in the eye with a smouldering gaze. "But once you started to put on weight and become more and more of a lazy slob, well, it wasn't like you had anyone else who'd be willing to fuck you," he grinned. "Aand lucky for you, I enjoy having a pet hog." "Hayden, please," Jason begged. "I'm fit, I'm a fucking PT for crying out loud." Hayden laughed even harder than before. Soon he was bent doubled over, wiping his eyes. "Oh wow, sorry," he said, catching his breath. "Phew, sorry I didn't realise we were role playing today. You need to warn me beforehand." "I'm not fucking role playing what the fuck is going on here?" "You seriously don't remember any of it?" Hayden said, putting the cupcake back down. "The past five years?" jason shook his head. "No." Hayden sat down down in the chair across from him. "I'm kinda groggy still anyway so maybe a bit of storytime won't be too bad. The food's not going to go cold, though not like that'd stop you scarfing it down, would it?" When Jason didn't respond to this, Hayden shrugged and began his story.

[astonmartingf]

WHEN I SAW THAT MICK X READER X LIAM MASTERPOST THING I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW LOUDLY I SCREAMED I ALMOST WOKE MY CAT HELLO

*immediately adds to the to-read list*

awwww thank you (totally not crying 🥹)

[shinayashipper]

When you asked help finding things in the stock room so u asked the guy responsible for it who Knows which things are which- and then the guy be like "find it urself" as he smokes and longues in his desk, and so you gotta go to the room full of shelves and stacks of Things that you are Not Familiar with while customers demanded ur attention at the front ugh