#the stars and how she knows the fate in the cards

[mommymothma]

Andor S2

Physically I am alone, baking into my sofa while suffering against the heat of summer. At one point I might have accepted my fate and waited for the weather to turn me into a crispy carcass to be eaten by whatever rodents or insect find me first.

But right now I do not care about the heat. I do not care that I am boiling alive in my own home. Right now all I care about is the absolute peak cinema I just watched.

The series finale of Andor did not disappoint, and I can hardly express in words the emotion I am feeling. Joy, for having experienced it. Grief, for knowing how it ends. Anger, for not being entitled to more.

There is a huge stereotype about Star Wars fans, "They hate Star Wars more than anyone". Normally I'd laugh and offer a cheap expression of "real" or "based". But right now... I don't hate Star Wars.

I don't think I have ever really hated it, only hated the commercialization of it. The sequels and many of the shows were cheap attempts at getting our attention, making money by exploiting us and the franchise we love. They pour in dollar after dollar, expecting that we heed to every one of their demands and take the garbage they've thrown at us with a smile on our face.

I hated that for so long Star Wars was treated as a machine, born to make money and nothing else. But looking at Andor I can see that there are creators out there, and fans, that see it as I do. I don't want them to slap my favorite character on a title card and make a show that has nothing to do with them. I want a story. A real story. About the people, the planets, survival.

Andor is not "A Star Wars Story", its a story about Andor, about a rebellion. It's the story of people who just want to watch the sunrise again, without having to worry about the light being blocked by an imperial banner. It's a story about people, who just happen to exist in the setting of Star Wars. And that is what makes it so great.

But enough with the vague descriptions, it's time I dissected as much as I can possible remember and process in this moment. Spoilers ahead for Andor S2

Kleya.

FUCKING. KLEYA.

Yall remember last week when I said "Idk why I just like her"

BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS FOAMING AT MY GODDAMNED MOUTH IN EPISODE 10. I did not expect to get an expansion on Luthen's lore, let alone hers. I was fully expecting to fill in the blanks of her life with fan fiction. When I heard we were losing 3 seasons of the show I resolved myself to the fact that her role would be reduced and that was that. I would still love and cherish her from the sidelines. I have friends watching that didn't even know her name, and probably wouldn't remember who she is if it weren't for this final act. Star Wars heroines have never failed me, and it seems they never will because the girls stay winning.

I knew Luthen was gonna die, I predicted that last week, and I was on the fence about whether she would be collateral. I was on the edge of my fucking seat for THREE hours because they kept baiting me into thinking it was the end of the road for her. Cassian, Mothma, Bail, etc all had very strong plot armor, so I never really had to worry about them. But Kleya... my god I was so SCARED. First at the hospital, I was certain she was going to get busted after she killed Luthen. I thought no way she gets out of this but SHE DID. And she did it so well they thought she was THREE people. Girls stay winning. Stay winning. Then, when Cassian comes to save her and she refuses to leave for so long I was pre-emptively crying. Like I was so sure this was it. Cassian needed one more loss just to really fuck with him. I was ready to cuss out the first person I saw tomorrow.

BUT SHE LIVES

and then I'm like, alright, certainly, she is fine now.

NO. Episode 12 I was so so so terrified she was gonna kill herself. I was so paranoid, she was struggling. I was BEGGING my tablet screen at this point to not let it happen. I simply could not have handled it and THANK THE FORCE. I am 100% convinced that if Vel had not found her right then, that the show would have ended with a very different tone. Thats 2 weeks in a row Cassian successfully smuggles a bad bitch off of Coruscant. STAY WINNING.

There is so much I could say about Kleya, but I'm actually gonna keep it for a bit. Let it cook. Let it marinate. Let it inspire. Just know it won't be the last you hear from me regarding her. She will be getting a picture on my wall mark my words.

Dedra on the other hand got what she had coming to her. I understand that her reinvestment into the Axis problem likely stemmed from the loss of Syril. I almost feel like she talked herself into thinking that it would "avenge" him. But, at some point during the gap, I think she lost her way and her motivations became very much personal. She was after glory. The parallels between her being in the room with Krennic to the interaction she had with Syril in season 1 that very much mirrored this.. Incredible screenwriting right there. The imperials routinely learn, again and again, that there is no reward for serving the empire. They is always someone above you. Someone who will not hesitate to waste you as you have wasted your inferiors. Every single imperial is a drone, and to the empower, drones are expendable.

Syril, Dedra, Heert. All of them assumed that because they were dedicated they were entitled to success. It was a fitting end for each of them, that they would die by the hands of the system to which they were so dedicated too. Signing up to the empire is signing your life away to them. They have no right to be scared when the time comes to reap that clause of their contract.

Unlike Kino, though, Dedra will at least know what it is her imprisonment is working towards. Whether that makes it better or worse for her remains to be seen. Regardless, I don't think it will do much to curb her ego.

RIP Dedra, I suppose the best case scenario for you is being able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of every day and tell your reflection that it was worth it.

Last big thing on my plate is the ending, the news about the death star, the reactions. I was a little surprised to see Bail so against the plan if I'm being honest. I loved him last week but this week he was pissing me off. When one of your most trustworthy, capable men comes to you and says "hey, our enemies have this weapon we cannot beat" YOU BELIEVE HIM. Also, Mon should have stuck up for Cassian a lot more in that scene. I know her and Luthen didn't end on the best of terms, but at the end of the day Luthen did come through for her. LUTHEN organized her escape from Coruscant, not Bail. When her cover was nearly blown and her jig was up... LUTHEN saved her. Now I know he has got his problems, but she should know better than anyone else at that table what Luthen would have given up for the rebellion. And if not Luthen, then she should have trusted Kleya. All that being said, she does come around, and to her senses so I forgive her. Also, appreciated the dynamic that she, while out in the woods on some random planet, was smiling in her final finale scene while Perrin, who was surrounded by wealth, grandeur and the "obedient" wife he had always wanted was not. Once a loser, always a loser.

That brings me to my conclusion for now and if you stayed this long thanks for hearing my rant. I don't have pictures this week because I used my tablets dying breath to finish the episodes so just a wall of text. Memes will follow I assure you.

I did not expect the Hunger-games ass looking ending (said with affection). Bix standing in that field, holding the child of what I'm assuming to be Cassian Andor, definitely tugged at the heartstrings. I'm mad at her, for one, because Cassian deserves to know he has a child out there. Parent/Child relationships run to the very foundation of Star Wars, and is not exclusive to this series. In Andor it's explored through Syril and his mom, as well as Andor and Maarva. But we see it again in Rebels with Ezra and Hera, Sabine and Hera, or them with Kanan. Anakin and his mother, Anakin and Luke. Obi-wan and Luke. Din Jarin and Grogu.

So after some thought, this revelation doesn't feel foul at all. Because if Bix had told Cassian, he never would have stayed on Yavin. He never would have rescued Kleya, and certainly never found himself watching that beautiful sunset on Scarif. And if he hadn't done those things... well there would be no future for Bix or his child. And as we have seen many times in this franchise, being raised by a single parent on a remote planet is hardly the worst thing that can happen to a child. In fact, it almost guarantees you some sort of plot armor. I have no doubt Bix will be devastated to hear that Cassian doesn't make it, and she may never forgive herself, but their kid will have a reason to wake up everyday. A reason to watch the sun set over a field of wheat and think about what it means to see a sky so blue. So full of hope.

I have made my peace with the fact that not everyone will get a happy ending, but at the very least, they all get to experience hope.

[articskele]

Thinking about....... Sun Onceler.........

[haologram]

how to be a latin lover ♡ h.js (m)

♡ synopsis: the dreadful semester has started — meaning your summer vacation has come to end, and so has your summer fling…or has it? ♡ genre: summer fling au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers ; ta x student dynamics. ♡ pairing: spanish ta!joshua hong x chaebol!fem!reader | side pairings: lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) ; wen junhui x lee saerom (fromis_9) ♡ word count: 26.8k ♡ rating: 18+. minors do not interact, i beg. ♡ warnings: honestly, a little toxic if you squint. lots of pining. hella slow burn. lots of suggestive commentary but no smut because i'm ass at it (sorry if you wanted some, maybe during the lore drops for this fic later this year i'll add some) and very, very toxic mother-daughter dynamics [official warnings: joshua and y/n are absolute idiots. i’m talking the dumbest mfs you’ve ever encountered, you’ll want to scream at them through the screen.] ♡ what to listen to: otro atardecer - bad bunny, the marías ; get to you - mac ayres ; sky full of stars - coldplay ; brave enough - leehi ; qué locura enamorarme de ti - eddie santiago ♡ a/n: it's finally here! thank you to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful collab (and i promise hoshi will be out by next week!) thank you to @tomodachiii , @wqnwoos and @highvern for betaing this stupid behemoth and telling me to stop being a little bitch (no one said that). hopefully i will see everyone soon with the hoshi version! thanks for reading!

Monday, August 29th.

Summer is over.

A sad fate deemed inescapable, despite your sunkissed glow and endless array of swimsuits begging you to stay on the beach – you were forced to return to reality after spending six weeks in Mexico, away from the shackles of your mother's constant nagging and the fall semester of impending doom. Your trip was all-expenses paid, of course – thanks to daddy's big, fat wallet.

You had no worries – your skin was clear, your hair was bouncy, your belly was full of delicious food as you pranced the streets of Puerto Vallarta with your best friend, Lee Saerom. Your father didn't even know he'd footed the bill for her, too. He didn't check the credit card report after you booked your trip – just nodded absentmindedly and waved you off, his voice echoing the walls of the office. "Have fun, honey."

Well? The fun you had…is now here to bite you in your sweet, sunkissed ass.

Summer flings have been your thing since you were eighteen – so since your parents finally let you out of their grasp to 'explore.' Whatever the hell that meant, you didn't know, but you gladly took the plane tickets and went off to wherever they sent you. One year, it was Greece, and your summer sweetheart grew a bit too obsessed with you – leading you to change your number and start using burner phones for vacations.

You covered all your tracks. You didn't even give this guy your social media accounts, you gave him your burner number…you didn't even tell him your last name. Yet, you are so undeniably screwed.

"Hello, everyone!" He scans the room as he takes a sip of his coffee, glancing at the door. "I'm unsure if you all received the email, but Professor Lee won't be in today." He's still scouring faces, taking in new ones and recognizing old ones. He hasn't seen you, and you're sure if you just sink a bit further down, he won't. "I'm Joshua Hong, and I'm Professor Lee's teaching assistant this year. She asked me to review the syllabus with you, in lieu of her absence." He taps the stack of papers on the large oak desk, clicking his tongue. "I'm gonna put the digital copy up on the projector, and you guys can just pick one of these up on your way out. Sounds good?" The class seemingly nods simultaneously, and you find yourself sliding down your chair as he walks to dim the lights. "That being said, welcome to Beginning Spanish Conversation! I took this course last year, and Professor Lee is super nice so you won't have to worry about getting into any scuffles with her."

He's speaking to himself as he connects everything, the home screen of his laptop popping onto the projector screen. It's him and two other guys dressed as the Powerpuff Girls. He giggles to himself before using the laser pointer. "Not that you guys care, but these are my friends." He points to the one dressed as Buttercup, tied to a moving dolly with a sour expression on his face.

"This is Jeonghan. He's another TA on the East Campus, and the secretary of my fraternity! If you ever see me off campus, I'm likely with him and this guy." He points at the one dressed as Bubbles with a tiara on, a guy you recognize but can't seem to place. "This is Seungcheol. He's President of Beta Tau Omega, in case you're wondering where you've probably seen him before." You freeze as he opens his Safari, hoping that comment wasn't directed at you. It opens to the syllabus, and you feel your lips twitch at how cute Professor Lee made it. There is a floral border surrounding the page, and he points the laser on the screen again.

"Okay, so. Again, I'm Joshua Hong and your professor is Lee Hyori. This is Beginning Spanish Conversation, so we'll be learning a lot of vocabulary and common phrases. Enough to get you by in case you're ever stranded in the middle of Guadalajara with no phone and no money." He smiles, and someone raises their hand in the front.

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" It's Jung Haerim, a girl from your World Cultures class last semester.

His smile only grows slightly wider as he shakes his head. "No, and yes. I got lost in Denmark. Copenhagen, to be exact, and I had to flirt my way onto the train. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me." He returns to the screen, carefully going over what the students could expect in the coming weeks. He reiterated that Professor Lee loves pop quizzes, so stay prepared. It was only then when he finally stopped speaking, flashing yet another award-winning smile. 

"Any questions?"

Your hand is crawling to cover your face as people start asking questions, further prolonging your suffering – when you feel eyes on you. Peeking through your fingers, you see him peering at you over the rim of his tumbler. They hold a mischievous glint, and he casually continues answering questions.

Where are you from?

"Los Angeles. I moved here when I was about…nineteen? Yeah." You already knew this.

How was your summer?

"Pretty good, I spent eight weeks in Puerto Vallarta. I got back maybe three days ago, and only then did I find out I got this position." You knew this, too. He probably remembers you.

What's your major?

"I'm a Music major, with a minor in Jazz Studies." He told you this on your third night together, over an IPA and a shared basket of chips and salsa. You burned your tongue on your food that night, you couldn't taste for days.

Oh? Why that?

"I've always been passionate about it. Funny, I took Spanish to broaden my horizons for it. I'll hopefully be a producer after graduation."

Your impatience begins to show as you bounce your leg irritably, and it's almost like he can hear your thoughts. "Alright, alright. I'll literally be here every time you guys are, so save your questions about me. Or, find me after! We can hang, I'm usually at the frat anyway." He shrugs, gesturing to the pile of papers on the desk.

"Syllabus, take one!" His smile is bright as you scramble down the steps, snatching the piece of paper off the desk and just about sprint to the door. You can feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment as you barrel down the hallway, deciding to skip your next class in hopes of drowning in your shame.

You spot Saerom a few feet down the hall, smiling and talking to one of your other friends, Chan. He was rushing that stupid fraternity this year, so if your math was right – you wouldn't be able to avoid Joshua at all this year.

"Saerom, I'm so fucked." You call, and she immediately spins around, a look of discernment on her face.

"Y/N, what are you on about this time? The last time you said that, it was because you left your Dior lip oil in Morocco." She deadpans, and you scoff. "Maybe it's about her classes." Chan reminds her coolly, and you sigh as you slump your forehead against his chest, earning a pat on the back from him.

"For once, the twink is right." Groaning, you bury your face further into Chan's chest. "I've got to transfer out of Spanish, or the University. I cannot be on this campus."

Your words are muffled against Chan's shirt, earning a sigh from Saerom as she places her hands on your shoulders. "Get a grip, Y/N! It's the first day of your last year, it's not the end of the world. You will not see any of these people next semester, trust me."

She's not understanding the severity of your issue, and only when you hear someone stop behind you, do you attempt to explain. "Saerom, you're not listening–"

"Saerom, is that you?" 

She looks up, her eyes lighting up as she gently gestures for you to hang on, pushing past to envelop whoever it was in a hug. You look over your shoulder, eyes wide as you see him looking down at your best friend.

"Shua! Oh my God, it's been so long! How's your mom?!" Shua. Oh, you feel sick.

Your breath hitches in your throat, before Chan's amused face comes into your line of vision as he drapes his arm over your shoulder – effectively hiding you from Joshua. "We'll let you guys catch up. See you later, Saerom?"

He tugs you away without getting an answer from her, and you almost make it out of the hall when you hear your name slip from Saerom's lips. "Oh, Y/N is my best friend! I'll have to introduce you sometime, you'd love her."

You barely catch Joshua's response as Chan makes a left out of the hall.

"I'm sure I will."

Friday, September 2nd.

"So…anything you want to tell me?" 

Saerom is standing next to you, placing forks next to slices of cake. The two of you had missed three birthdays on your trip, and you'd invited said birthday buddies over for a celebratory movie night to make up for it. You'd bought a cake on your way home from your first Organic Chemistry lab, and Saerom had set up the apartment with the small gifts you'd brought back from Puerto Vallarta.

To your luck, Saerom had pulled you aside while you were cutting the cake to talk to you.

"Uh, no? I skipped Spanish today? I used the last of my face wash?"

She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she turns to face you. "You were never gonna tell me that you slept with someone this summer?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about? Obviously, you knew I'd find someone." 

You try to hold in the heat of embarrassment, but Saerom's like a dog with a bone. "Right, of course. How would I, your best friend, not know that you, my best friend, slept with a guy over the summer?" Soonyoung, Junhui and Nagyung were playing Mario Kart on your television, and couldn't hear the conversation being had in the kitchen. You felt your cheeks warm as you stared into the cake, a bit of chocolate frosting smeared on your knuckles. "Sae, it was just some random guy I met when you slept in. Why does this matter?" "It matters…" She huffs, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, and you give her a look of get on with it. "It matters because he's my cousin, Y/N."

Your grip on the spatula tightens. You can feel your stomach drop, eyes wide as you look back at her. "He's your what?"

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking. I'd never be mad at you for that…even if it is weird for me." She says quietly, and sighs as you feel panic set into your skin. "I just…Why didn't you tell me? I transferred to this university for you, I tell you about all my hookups, and I had to find out through him that you guys were sleeping together for the last three weeks of our vacation?"

"How could I have possibly known the two of you were related? Better yet, why does it matter? It was just a stupid fling, Sae. I'm not trying to marry into your family, God." You mumble, placing the spatula in the sink and covering the rest of the cake with the plastic lid. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't think it would come back to bite me in the ass." "It doesn't. I thought you already considered me family, Y/N. It seems I've been under the wrong impression for a while." Her eyes are cold as she moves the cake slices onto a tray, and you feel taken aback. "What the hell does that mean?" "What the hell did you mean? As if marrying into my family would be so fucking bad? We're a great family. We're loving, open, and honest. Nothing like you, it seems!" 

You gape at her, before you feel a bit of anger claw at your throat. "Saerom, I didn't think I'd ever see him again! Of course I'm going to hope he doesn't expect anything more from me, because I can't handle that. I want a career, I want to own my parents' businesses after graduation. I can't let a guy tie me down, no matter who he is to my friends. You have to get that." Her eyes are hurt, contrary to the furious tug on her brows. She knows what you want out of life, she always had – at least, what you would let her believe. Your parents had expectations, and you, as their only daughter, had to fulfill everything. Taking over your father's companies, inheriting your mother's properties, continuing the bloodline. It was all on you.

God forbid a girl have a little fun on vacation.

"It's always about you and your career, isn't it?" She mutters, grabbing the tray and walking towards the living room. She stops in front of the doorway, looking over her shoulder. "I thought I could trust you, Y/N. It seems that being a Risk Analyst may not be my perfect fit, after all."

You kind of hate that this is happening.

No, scratch that. You hate that this is happening. You don't even really understand what just happened, or how Saerom could have possibly interpreted what you said as something bad. Despite these horrible circumstances, you knew that Joshua couldn't possibly be a bad guy. Granted, you'd skipped your Spanish class twice now, doing everything in your power to convince Chan to enroll into it so you wouldn't have to face Joshua alone. You even said you'd pay his stupid fraternity dues if he got in, no matter how bad you hated Beta Tau Omega.

Joshua was sweet on vacation, but everyone has their vacation persona, and their normal life characteristics. At home, you were serious, studious, and even slightly uptight.

On vacation, you were…flirtatious, unhinged, a bit wild. You took shots from strangers and stayed out in clubs and bars until the wee hours of the morning. You'd play games of chicken with cute guys, letting them kiss you in bathrooms and put their hands up your skirt.

Joshua did none of that, he didn't indulge your behavior. At least, not right off the bat.

He'd caught your eye at a restaurant, speaking perfect Spanish to the waitress. He looked…refreshing. Sweet, different from your past romances. He looked like someone you'd actually date, but you were on vacation and you weren't looking for a long-term, potentially long-distance boyfriend. A quick fuck, a cum-and-go, if you will.

You'd bought him a mimosa, ignoring his line of vision as you befriended a few girls you'd met at the pool of your hotel. Saerom decided to sleep in that morning, and almost every other time you managed to catch Joshua alone – she wasn't in your presence. Maybe that was the universe protecting the both of them, while scorning you.

He'd sent a glass of white wine to your table, also avoiding your gaze and continuing his breakfast conversation with his friends. Jeonghan and Seungcheol, now that you can put a name to the faces. You didn't bother then, it didn't matter.

Not until now, of course.

You remember walking past his table on your way to close out your check, slipping your name and burner number on a napkin. You remember his friends teasing him, even hearing one of them give a low whistle. You remember said burner phone buzzing in your pocket less than an hour later, and meeting up with him that night at a salsa club down the beach.

You also remember cuddling on a hammock with him, pointing out stars you'd memorized as a kid because you wanted to be an astronaut. You remember him kissing your fingertips as you talked about your life back home, leaving out details of where you lived, where you went to school and who your parents were. You remember his eyes scanning your face, lingering on your lips as you sighed, voicing your unhappiness.

You had truly opened up to a stranger faster than you had anyone else. Even Saerom didn't know you felt this way about your life. How could she? She was under the impression that you loved it, you loved feeling important, you loved the money your lifestyle was funded by. That you didn't care about your parents' emotional absence, and the overwhelming amount of nannies being rotated in and out of your childhood in place of them.

Some things are better left unsaid, you remind yourself. You have to remind yourself that this façade needs to be upheld. You have to make your parents proud. You have to.

Right?

You're still standing in the kitchen when Nagyung appears in the doorway, her voice soft as she calls out to you. "Y/N?" You jump, a hand to your chest as you look up. She apologizes, "Sorry! It's just…the movie is starting. Are you coming?" "Yeah, sorry. I'll be right there." You gesture at the mess of cake crumbs and frosting, and she gives you a quick smile before scurrying back to the living room. You turn to wash the spatula, your mind just reminiscing as you grab the soapy sponge.

"So you're going to take over your father's business?""Yeah, I'm an only child, so I don't have much of a choice. If I don't take it, it just goes to the highest bidder. In my mind, it wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened, I'd get to pursue my own path."

"If you think that, why are you taking it over? Why not tell your parents that you have dreams you want to pursue? I know it's easier said than done, but office jobs are not good for the soul in my opinion." He spoke confidently, his fingers twirling your hair.

"I'd be ungrateful, I'd be throwing away hundreds of properties and investors. I'd be throwing away this lavish life I live, funded by my father's money. I'd be throwing away a secure future…and I'd be letting them down."

You didn't want to be an astronaut anymore. You'd long let that dream go, along with an eight-year-old you that had posters of Yi Soyeon and constellations plastered all over your room. You remember your mother standing in the doorway of your bedroom when you got your first poster of a supernova, a glass of Merlot in her hand as she sighed. "You'll never be like them, you know? Going into space…eating peanut butter on crackers and floating. It's not possible." She had been right, anyway. You had put all of those posters up in your attic, along with your rocket models when you moved for college. The only thing you kept and brought with you to University was the orrery your last nanny gifted you for your fifteenth birthday. It sat pretty on your desk in your room, mocking your every move.

You were getting a business degree. You were majoring in Marketing. You're taking Spanish for the same reason Joshua did, to broaden your horizons, and make business boom. To feed the greed that festered in your parents, and give them what they want.

But…unbeknownst to them, you were also majoring in Physics. You wanted to give yourself the sliver of hope that they wouldn't actually want you to take over the firms, that you'd get to continue your education and get your doctorate. That you'd be a plasma physicist and watch everything happen in real time for space research, without having to leave Earth's surface.

Delusions, all of it.

"Welcome. You missed the first fifteen minutes." Soonyoung scoots over, offering you the lit joint between his fingers as you sigh. Taking it, you plop down on the couch cushion, your leg draped over the armrest. "Takes time to have a clean house, Hoshi." Saerom glances at you from her spot on the floor, her eyes unreadable as she blinks. She frowns slightly, returning her attention to the television. You can tell she feels uneasy about the entire situation. She's probably asking herself how she didn't catch on, or why she didn't ask.

And the truth is, you're kind of glad she didn't. Had she done so, you probably wouldn't have slept with him. You probably would've found out they were family and completely ghosted him, or at least told him that you were her friend. You would've let him down much more easily, instead of leaving Puerto Vallarta without saying goodbye and throwing your burner phone in the garbage at the airport.

Everything would have been different, you would have acted differently.

Nonetheless, you can't dwell on the past. You can't keep skipping Spanish, and you can't let your grades slip over some stupid summer hookup. What you can do is pretend it didn't happen. Pretend you've never seen him in the nude, pretend you don't know what his lips feel like. Pretend like he didn't affect you deeper than he did, because it wasn't just sex.

And you hate that it wasn't.

Monday, September 5th.

"You love me, Lee Chan!" You'd done it. You'd convinced him to join your class so you wouldn't be subjected to Joshua's nonexistent wrath alone. Seeing Chan leaning on the wall next to the door was a sight for sore eyes – even if he was trying to subtly flirt with Haerim.

"Y/N, you're going to scare the hoes!" He speaks through gritted teeth, allowing you to envelope him in a tight hug. "Ugh, you've saved me from a world of misery." "You're so needy." He mutters into your hair, making you pull away with a smug look on your face. "Well? Why is everyone out here?" "Professor Lee isn't here today. We're waiting for Joshua to get the door open." Haerim speaks as she locks her phone, shoving it into her pocket. She eyes you up and down, noticing the slight frown on your lips. "Why did you skip twice already? The semester just started." Grimacing, you make up a lie. "Prior commitments. Couldn't miss 'em." "Right…" She gives you a look of discernment before fishing her phone back out of her pocket. "I'm gonna skip, actually. You still have my number, right? Can you forward what you guys do today?" Upon seeing your nod, she gives you a lazy smile and worms her way through the crowd of students forming around the door. Everyone is whining and complaining, but you're now searching the hall to see if you can also make a run for it…

"Hey! So sorry, guys. Professor Lee just called me." A slightly disheveled Joshua appears behind a group of girls, holding up a set of keys. You look away, meeting eyes with Chan – who is squinting at Joshua as if he knew him. "Is that…Isn't he the Vice President of Beta Tau Omega?"nk

"Leave it up to one of my best friends to befriend the enemy." You scowl, before looping your arm in his to tug him into the classroom. The front few rows are already filling out, with Joshua regaining his composure at Professor Lee's desk. You and Chan make a beeline for the back of the classroom, taking the last two seats in the third row.

"I'm rushing this year, I need to know my higher ups." Chan whispers back, and the two of you whip your heads towards the front of the room at the sound of Joshua clearing his throat. "Sorry again, everyone. Unfortunately, a late start will be followed by a quiz." He winces as a collective groan follows his announcement, and you feel your stomach flip. You don't know enough Spanish to pass this class by the seat of your pants. You barely retained how to introduce yourself from high school. "Don't worry, since this is the first quiz of the semester, I'll go easy on you. Just some general conjugation, and it's to see where you fall on the scale." Joshua speaks confidently as he walks around the room, handing stacks of the quiz to the first person in the row. You feel your eyes glued to the floor as he holds the stack out for you to take, and you hate how your hand shakes as you do so.

What you hate even more?

"Nice to see you in class, Miss Y/N." He whispers, before crossing his arms behind his back and walking down the steps. Chan snickers next to you, earning a smack. "Not funny!" You grit, whacking him again with the stack of quizzes.

"Once you are done with your quiz, I will grade it. You may then leave for the day, because I really do not have the energy to think of anything else to be done." He's rubbing his temples, and you hear a few people sigh in relief.

"Easy money." Chan whispers to himself, before clicking his pen and beginning the quiz. You glance down at it, your lip tucked behind your teeth. The quiz seems standard – a few conjugations, a few multiple choice. One short answer at the bottom, asking you to describe what you did over the summer in Spanish.

"Fuck." You mumble.

You can't lie to yourself, you probably fucked yourself over by skipping those last two classes. They probably reviewed, took notes. Maybe even engaged in actual conversation with each other, with Professor Lee…with Joshua.

Nonetheless, you feel your skin crawl when you notice that you've spent so much time agonizing over this, that you're one of the last students left. Chan finished at some point and you didn't notice, because now he's waiting by the door for you. You feel your throat tighten, forcing you to zero in and just scribble an answer at the bottom of your quiz.

Grabbing your backpack, you fling it over your shoulder before trekking the steps, noticing Joshua giving you a warm smile.

"Miss Y/N." He greets, taking your paper. You give him a tight nod, before spinning on your heel to leave. You're barely two steps in the right direction when you hear him again. "Ah, ah, ah! We need to speak, Miss Y/N. Turn around." You're semi-grateful that the classroom is nearly empty, because you know you look embarrassed as you turn back around. "Yes, sir?" His smile drops as you stand in front of him, and he taps his pen on your quiz. "You missed two classes consecutively. Per the syllabus, you can only miss six classes per semester, and we don't accept late work. You can't excel in this course if you're not physically here, you know." He's not being a douche. You know he's not, but you can't help and slightly bristle.

"I had other matters to attend to, sir. I'll be on time for the remainder of the semester."

This doesn't seem to satisfy him, and his brows furrow slightly before he shakes his head, sighing. He turns your quiz over, the capital C minus grade in red ink. 

"I know you don't want to be here, it's clear in your attitude. However, if you intend to pass this class, you have to show up. My tutoring hours are on the syllabus, revisit them and send me an email when you get a chance so we can get you back on track."

Your mouth opens slightly, and Joshua gives you a rather stern look. "Don't. I'm trying to help you." "Yes, sir." You mutter. He tilts his head towards the door. "You can leave." Huffing, you storm out of the room and nearly shove Chan out of the way when you reach the door. "Woah, hey! Don't kill me, Y/N!" He grabs your elbow, and you groan loudly. "Dude, what's your deal?" Chan asks, taking hold of both your shoulders as the two of you round the corner out of the hallway. 

"My deal, Chan, is that I fucking slept with the TA over the summer! That's my deal, dude!" You throw your arms up in exasperation, and a lightbulb seems to go off in Chan's head as his mouth forms an O-shape. You lean against the brick wall of the building, slowly sliding down and covering your face with your hands. 

"You..fucked Joshua Hong." He speaks, and you let out another groan, similar to that of a goat. "Yes, Chan. I fucked Joshua Hong in Puerto Vallarta in a random villa on the beach." "Spare me the details, will you?" He grimaces, running a hand through his hair. He squats next to you, making you look up at him with his hand. He gives your look of defeat a laugh, a concerned smile remaining on his lips as he touches his head to yours. "Don't worry, Y/N. He won't be anything but professional, I promise you."

"How do you know?" You whine, Chan's smile of concern turning into one of reassurance. "He clearly takes his job seriously, and he could've told the entire frat by now. Joshua Hong banged the biggest chaebol on campus, Kang Y/N. Crazy." You can tell he's trying to make you feel better, but you already knew Joshua wasn't the type to kiss and tell. Tell anyone other than Saerom, of course – but the two of you didn't speak much over the weekend so you felt a bit down in the dumps anyway. You didn't have dinner together or even go on a morning coffee run like you usually did – choosing to rot in your own rooms until hunger forced you out.

"He's Saerom's cousin, Channie." You pout, allowing him to tug you up off the wall and fling his arm over your shoulders. He sighs, resting his head against yours before he speaks. "Well, it can't get any worse than this, can it?"

– ☆ – 

You scribble a reminder on a sticky note to kill Lee Chan for his earlier words – it has gotten worse.

You had forced yourself to review the syllabus upon returning home, especially after your Organic Chemistry professor informed everyone twenty minutes before class started that it was canceled. You then forced yourself to type out a concise and polite email to Joshua Hong, and you forced yourself to press send. 

Ten minutes later, you forced yourself to read his reply.

And now, fifteen minutes after reading it, you were parked in the lot, your head resting against your steering wheel as you repeated some positive affirmations. "I can do this, I can do this. He's gonna be professional, I'm going to fix my hours, and I'll be on my way home."

Hopping out, you make sure to press your keyfob twice to hear it lock. Breathing in deeply, you made your way towards the hallway, seeing a few stragglers still on campus. It was nearly six in the evening, so they were probably also in office hours. Seeing the small office come into view, you stare at the names on the bronze plaques. Wow, you think. How important.

Kim Namjoon…WED. 3PM-7PM.

Jennie Kim…THURS. 4PM-8PM

Joshua Hong…MON/TUES/FRI. 2PM-6PM

Jeon Soyeon…MON-FRI. 10AM-1PM, OCHEM II ONLY.

Sighing, you grabbed the doorknob and twisted, pushing it open to reveal Joshua speaking on the phone. His eyes dart to you, a hand to his chest before gesturing to the table in the corner. You roll your eyes, before shutting the door and flipping the sign that reads In Session.

"Yes ma'am…mhm…I will get that done." Joshua is pinching the bridge of his nose, making you snort to yourself as you sink into the surprisingly comfortable chair in the corner of the room. You set your backpack on the floor, pulling your laptop out and a notepad. Clicking a pen, you fold your hands in your lap, waiting for him to finish.

"Yes, I will see you on Monday, Professor. Alright, take care." He hangs up, taking a moment to process. He blinks twice, before shaking it off and opening one of the drawers. "Good to see you, Miss Y/N. This is the review that you missed on Wednesday, and you missed an oral introduction on Friday." Standing, he holds up a packet. "This is just verb conjugation. I was originally going to use this for extra credit, but seeing as you got the highest grade out of anyone in the morning session, I think it's safe to say you probably won't need it." You're silent as he hands it to you.

"You will have to make up for lost time here, so you can stay for…an hour today, and then you can make up the other two on Friday." He's checking the calendar by the door, taking a pen from his pocket to write it in. "Sounds good?" You don't answer, just nodding your head. He raises his brow at you, "Cat got your tongue?" Grimacing, you glance up at him. "Sounds fine, sir." He smiles a bit, before clicking his tongue. "Actually, just take it. You can go, Miss Y/N." 

He walks to the desk, shutting his laptop. Confused, you look at him. "You want me to go?" "I don't want you to be anywhere you don't want to be, even if it's for your own benefit. You can leave." He nods, sliding his laptop into his bag, zipping it up and hiking it over his shoulder. "I have a prior commitment I can't miss, so consider this a favor." Snorting, you just shake your head as you put your things away. "I don't need any favors from you." You mutter to yourself, and Joshua smiles brightly as he holds the door open for you. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miss Y/N. Have a good night." "You too." You grumble, pushing past him to see Jeonghan and Seungcheol leaning against the wall. Seungcheol is holding an extra cup in his hand, and Joshua just lets out a sigh before greeting them warmly. Unfortunately, they're walking in the same direction as you, so you reach into your hoodie pocket for your headphones – but not before you hear a low whistle. "She looks familiar."

You just shove your other hand in your pocket, wondering if they'll keep talking. Does the other one remember you? Do they know you slept with Joshua? Did he tell them? "It's funny to think you'd remember anyone, when you're one of the biggest whores on campus." One of them speaks, and you can hear Joshua laugh lightly. "She's my student, so shut up. Anyway, how'd things go with the new OChem professor? I heard he's a mess, canceling classes back to back." You decide to tune them out as you reach the end of the hallway, not wanting to entertain them as the parking lot comes into view. You can see from where you're standing that there is a ticket stuck under your windshield wiper, and you groan. "Son of a bitch."

Jogging over, you take it off and see that it's not actually a ticket, but a note from someone saying they hit your car. Gasping, you round your car and see a huge dent in your bumper, black paint scraped off and your tail light broken. "Motherfucker!" 

You can hear the trio of men getting closer, hearing the beep of the car next to yours as it unlocks. Scowling to yourself, you take your phone out to call your father. He should know what to do..right? His assistant picks up on the second ring. "Kang Enterprises, Gyuri speaking."

Sighing, you speak to her for a moment. She tells you he's in a meeting, and can't come to the phone at the moment. It's nearly seven at this point, what could he possibly have a meeting about? She says she doesn't know, but that your mother is also at the office and she's available. You reluctantly agree to speak to her, leaning your forehead against your rear windshield.

"Y/N? Why are you calling?" She sounds disinterested in whatever matters you may have, and you feel Jeonghan skirt past you as he rounds to the driver's side. "Sorry," He mumbles, and you scoff before moving out of the way. He grimaces before hopping in, and you can hear Joshua speaking to Seungcheol as he also rounds to the driver's side. 

"Hello, Mother. Someone hit the beamer–" You barely get the words out before she starts responding. Yelling, actually – and so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear. Joshua is unfortunately hopping into the passenger seat, and he can see the look of defeat on your face. He gives you a sympathetic smile, and you frown before turning away.

You're still standing there as they pull out, but you've put her on speaker now. She's yelling about how irresponsible you are (and let's not forget you weren't the one who hit a car here) and that she can't believe you expect them to send you another. "I don't want another, I just want Daddy's advice on where to take it to get it fixed." "I don't care, Y/N. We'll get another one down there tomorrow. Just…be more responsible, will you?!" 

She hangs up, and you tongue your cheek so as to not cry in frustration. You don't want to drive the car home in this condition, you could get pulled over and then it's worse. Pulling up your messages, you scour who you could call. Chan is at a stupid pledge thing, you're not speaking to Saerom. Sighing, you quickly shoot Soonyoung a text, before calling the local towing company. They towed Chan's car last year when the two of you accidentally swerved into a fire hydrant trying to teach Nagyung how to drive.

Msg From: Soonyoung 🐯

[7:01PM] tf you mean someone hit ur car

[7:01PM] your PARKED car??? i'm literally in the shower, y/n

[7:03PM] ok uhh i think jun is on his way, if you wanna wait for him? if not i can finish up here in like 10 mins

Great.

Wednesday, September 7th.

"Shua." You hear Haerim speak from the front of the room. Your mother had angrily called you last night and said Gyuri would be dropping off your replacement vehicle today, so you were anything but focused until you heard the nickname slip from her lips.

"Haerim." He speaks, not taking his attention away from the corkboard he's putting up on the wall. It has Polaroids of all the students in your class and a few others you don't recognize. They probably took those on the days you weren't here.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you single? My friend drops me off on her way to French with Professor Bae and she thinks you're cute." Haerim is very casual with her conversation, making Joshua laugh lightly as he turns, holding a few thumbtacks between his fingers. "I am single, but I am unfortunately not on the market. Sorry to your friend, Haerim." She shakes her head, about to speak when you hear another person pipe up – Kim Myungjun, a guy you hooked up with at a sorority stoplight party your sophomore year. "How come? Did you get your heart broken or something?" Joshua smiles gently, sticking another Polaroid onto the board. He sighs, before turning back to face the room. "Something like that. I met a girl over the summer. Didn't end very well."

You can't believe your ears, and you can feel your eyes narrow as Chan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. You're willing to ignore it, until you hear Myungjun speak up. "Man, don't let that deter you from finding your soulmate! Love is everywhere, if we let one person dictate our confidence, we give their opinion value. I read that somewhere." Joshua nods, his smile never wavering, when he meets your eyes. His head tilts to the side, but he speaks while looking at you anyway. "I dunno, man. Something about that girl…she was different." Chan coughs awkwardly next to you, and you welcome the distraction as you tear your angry eyes away from Joshua's mischievous ones. You pat Chan's back, offering him a sip of your water bottle when Joshua returns to his conversation with Haerim (and apparently, Myungjun.) "Anyway…yeah. I'm alright for now." You spend the rest of the class with your face hidden behind your hair, studying the stupid Quizlet link Joshua had sent out last night. Professor Lee would finally be in this Friday, and she was expecting all A's across the board that day. You watch the clock on your phone, willing time to go faster with your mind.

The moment the clock strikes noon, you're out of your seat – only to hear Joshua call after you.

"Chan, Y/N, if the two of you could hang back for just a second." He says, as the students shuffle out. You glance at Chan, who has an unsettled look on his face. The two of you take the steps down quietly, waiting for everyone to file out when Joshua holds up the pink Instax camera. "You guys weren't here for class photos, so I just wanted to get those out of the way. Professor Lee uses them to remember names." Chan engages quickly, and you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

Msg From: Jang Gyuri (K. Ent.)

[12:05PM] Miss Y/N, I am outside with your new vehicle. It seems I am on the West Campus.

Shit.

The panicked look on your face doesn't go unnoticed by Chan, even as he's blinking away the effects of the camera flash. "Are you okay?" "Gyuri is here, and she has my keys." You respond, clicking away on your phone when Chan covers the screen, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "I'll get them for you! Please, please, please—" "You're only asking because you think she's pretty." You roll your eyes, and Chan flashes you a mischievous smile. "Correction, I think she's beautiful. C'mon, I literally do everything for you!" "Fine, fine. Only because you make me feel guilty." Chan beams at you as he hitches his bag over his shoulder, the both of you completely forgetting this meant you'd be alone with Joshua. He calls over his shoulder that he'll wait for you in your new car, making you snort.

"You can stand right here." Joshua points at the small piece of tape on the floor. You grimace, sliding your bag onto Professor Lee's desk and fixing your shirt. "Your necklace is twisted," He speaks again, and you feel around for it.

"Here…can I?" He sets the camera down, and you give him a rather sour look before agreeing. "Fine." "No need to act like this, Y/N." His breath is minty, and it's softly hitting your skin as he works the clasp to the back of your neck. Your grandmother gave you this necklace. He knows, you told him about it tipsy off a mango margarita.

"She got me this on my tenth birthday. I have never taken it off.""She believed in you.""What a shame, right?"

His fingers linger on the glittering pendant, before centering it on your blouse. "Ready?" "What did you mean by different?" You blurt, and his eyes widen as he reaches for the camera. "What?" "You said I…nevermind. Just take the picture, I have somewhere to be." You force a smile, and Joshua gives you a questioning look. He positions the camera, but sighs. "Too forced. Just relax, Y/N."

Huffing, you soften your face, letting your cheeks reach your eyes as you smile gently. "Much better." He whispers, taking the photo quickly. You blink a few times, before reaching for your bag. "And Y/N?" "What!?" You gripe, and he smiles. "Not everything is about you, pretty." Rolling your eyes at the slight lurch in your stomach. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you stop as he huffs. "Wait, it came out wrong. Can you stand here again?"

He flicks the faulty picture onto the desk, and you quickly position yourself in front of him again. You clear your throat, smiling again as you move your hair to your face – when you see him smiling tenderly behind the camera. "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Hm?" He snaps the photo, taking it as it prints and covering it with his hand from the light. "Nothing, you look a lot nicer when you smile." You don't reply, waiting silently to see if the photo develops nicely. He doesn't speak either, before flipping the photo. You're smiling back at him, and he holds it up. "Satisfied?"

"Yeah, whatever." You shrug, and he nods. He hands you your bag, and gives you a warm look. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hesitate, but take your bag. "You too."

– ☆ – 

"Hey, Shua."

He looks up to see Saerom standing in the doorway of his bedroom, her arms crossed as she drags the tip of her shoe against the hardwood.

"Hey! What are you doing here? And if you say you're here to see any of these perverts, I'm going to escort you out myself." She just laughs, shaking her head as she enters his bedroom. It's a bit larger than the others, and she flops onto his bed. "Why did you tell me you slept with Y/N?" Joshua chokes on his spit, coughing harshly in his desk chair. Saerom looks slightly amused as he regains his composure. "Just right out with it, huh?" "Well, she's my best friend. I don't know how I didn't know you were in Mexico, too. I literally watch your Instagram stories." Saerom pouts, and Joshua laughs. "Maybe because I like to live in the moment? I don't document every part of my life, Rom." "I mean, yeah, but still. And how did you guys even have time to meet? I was with her all the time." Saerom wails, making Joshua just shake his head. "She did mention she was on vacation with her best friend. She never mentioned your name, and we also hung out mostly at night. I'm assuming if you guys didn't share a room, you wouldn't have been able to notice, anyway." "We never share a room when we go on vacation together. We like our privacy." She rolls her eyes, and Joshua smiles knowingly. "I know, I was there with Cheol and Han, and I practically begged the front desk to get me one of the beach villas. I did not want to share a room with them, or whatever girl they managed to tag team."

"As your cousin, this is a weird conversation to have. As Y/N's friend, I feel awkward. We fought a bit, and I can't really talk to her knowing that you guys…did it."

"You're so…Okay." He snorts at her theatrics, before opening his laptop. He sees the photo he took of you in the corner of it, your smiling face peeking out at him. He shuts it quickly, having forgotten he took it with him. The photo developed after you left, so it's not like he lied.

"Anyway, she's such a cold person normally. It's hard to get in there." Saerom sighs, and he feels a pang in his chest. You'd opened up very quickly with him, but Saerom didn't know that – nor did she need to. "I guess it works, though, she can be personable when she wants to. Can't believe she wants to own that big ass company her father has. I'd cry myself to sleep if I had that much pressure on my shoulders." You're living such a double life and your best friend doesn't even know it. How can you hide those things from her? Do you fear being judged, or being seen as less than? Someone who can't handle the pressure of being the golden child, someone who can't hold a candle to her parents? Someone who disappoints.

"Yeah, me too."

Saerom keeps talking about you, but he can barely hear her. His phone is open in his lap, and he's staring at the message thread with your burner number.

Msg To: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hey, this is joshua. [06/29] you left your number at my table.

Msg From: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hi handsome ;) [06/29] are you free tonight?

He had been free.

He remembers the stupid white dress you wore when you met him at the salsa club. He remembers the confidence radiating off you when you asked the bartender for your drink. You made it evident you didn't need him, that you weren't looking for anything serious – but you slowly dropped the act. You let him in just a bit, you danced with him and you let him walk you down the beach to your hotel room.

You were the one who asked to sit on one of the hammocks on the beach. You were the one who asked him about himself, wondering what his own life was like. You encouraged him to dig deep and tell you his darkest secrets, assuring him you'd share your own as well.

Your life was much more intense than his. He was studying music, he was living it, breathing it, enjoying it. He wanted that, more than anything, and nothing was going to get in his way. But you…you wanted so much more than what you were told you could have.

You wanted to be more than your parents. You wanted to explore, you wanted to live. He remembers how sweet you were when he told you his dreams. how gentle you were when you voiced your opinion on them. He appreciated your honesty and your kindness, and he enjoyed your presence.  You…were more than just the intimacy. More than just the makeout sessions you initiated, including that night in the hammock. More than the way you made him chase you just enough. About as much as one can for a vacation fling, anyway.

"...And she makes the best bolognese, Shua. You'd love it." Saerom sighs, making him nod quickly. "I'm sure." "Anyway, I gotta go. I was supposed to pick up dinner, so I can extend the olive branch." She chuckles, getting off the bed. "I'll see you around, Shua." "Bye, Rom. Be safe, let me know when you get home." "Will do." Saerom exits his room, closing the door behind her. He opens his laptop, fishing the photo of you out of the corner and shoving it into his wallet. He should feel weird about keeping it, but that means a perfectly good photo is going to waste! It'll be safe in his wallet.

Unlocking his laptop, he sighs as he sees his email pinging him.

From: YNKANG@SNU.EDU

Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 10:32PM

Hello. I hope this email finds you well.

I am not able to attend Friday's office hours. I will also not be able to attend office hours next week, as I have prior commitments I must tend to. I know it is rather unorthodox, but would you be available tomorrow? I do not have classes after 1PM and I frankly don't need a language class to tarnish my perfect record.

Let me know if this works for you. Thanks.

Best,

Kang Y/N

010-1230-1995

Thursday, September 8th.

From: JHONG@SNU.EDU

RE:Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 11:21PM

Thank you for reaching out. I understand prior commitments can make attending office hours difficult. 

I am not able to promise availability for Thursday. Jennie Kim has the office, she is the TA for Professor Lee Chaerin in French II. This being said, I can accommodate in two ways.

I can give you an assignment to be turned in on Friday. You will have to come by the classroom to retrieve it. Or, you can get a study room in the library and I can offer two hours of my time for your use. Please email me back before 10AM if the latter is your choice.

Best,

Joshua Hong

010-9999-8212

Bad idea, Y/N.

Very, very bad idea.

You should have gone to pick up the stupid assignment. You should have picked up the stupid, fat packet he was going to torture you with to make you regret being a douche to him despite basically making the guy fall in love with you over the summer.

Instead, you suffer here. You suffer inside these four walls, with a freshly showered Joshua Hong standing in the doorway, his friends bidding him goodbye. Jeonghan and Seungcheol peer in, their eyes twinkling with something devious – making Joshua roll his eyes as he shut the door with his foot.

"Sorry about that, they're nosey." He's holding a basketball under his arm, backpack hiked over his shoulder as he walks around the room to settle at the table.You haven't spoken yet, just eyeing him down. "Your hair is wet." "Damp, not wet." He corrects you, opening his bag for his sweatshirt. "It's freezing in here, Jesus Christ." "Maybe wear a proper shirt next time." You roll your eyes, opening your laptop to see the digitals you had developed from your vacation. Saerom took a lot of them – you drinking out of a fresh coconut, you wearing a pretty pink dress to the beach, you in a new swimsuit you bought specifically for the trip. There were photos of the two of you together – one a little girl took of you having a picnic on the beach, another of the two of you getting matching tattoos on your ankles.

And one you took of Joshua.

You were sitting on him, right after the two of you woke up in your hotel room. The photo was taken from an odd over-head angle, but his smile was wide and so natural. You were making him laugh, you remember.

"Come on, just one picture!"

"You literally just pinched my leg to wake me up, give me a second!""God forbid a girl wants to wake you up. Come on, I leave in two days!"

You'd lied, you left that night. You dumped your burner in the airport trashcan, not bothering to read the few texts he'd sent you only moments earlier to your arrival there. They were gone forever – and you hadn't felt guilty then, not really. You knew you'd miss him a bit, you knew yourself that much.

You wouldn't have missed him at all if you knew that you'd see him again…for sixteen consecutive weeks. And possibly for the rest of your time on this campus. And possibly, the rest of your life, since you were best friends with Saerom.

The pictures haunt you a bit, you notice.

You're staring at them in silence, feeling a bit of anxiety crawl up your throat when you hear Joshua clear his own. "I brought a few assignments, in case you don't want to do…this." He gestures to the room, and you just shake your head.

"Paying for the class, I might as well try and get along with you." You mutter, clicking your tongue when the photo of Joshua comes back into circulation. "I'm going to the vending machine, do you want anything?" You abruptly get up, grabbing your wallet out of your bag and stalking to the door. He looks up at you, a soft look in his eyes as he shakes his head. "I'm okay." Nodding, you retreat to the vending machine down the hall. You're staring at the ground as you walk, fully expecting to have an uneventful trip not even ten feet away.

However, it seems that even that can't go right for you.

"Hey. You're Y/N, right?" Your head snaps up, seeing Seungcheol and Jeonghan at the vending machine. Your eye twitches a bit, and you clear your throat before nodding. "And you are?" Jeonghan gives you a knowing look, but entertains you. "I'm Jeonghan. This is Seungcheol." With pursed lips, you nod. "Uh, nice to meet you. You guys are in…Beta Tau, right? My friend is rushing it." You stand awkwardly, and Jeonghan gives you a slight smirk. "Yeah? Good luck to your friend, Y/N.' "Yah, don't be like that. Did you want the vending machine? We're still deciding." Seungcheol tugs Jeonghan back a bit, and you quickly feed in your change, pressing the buttons to get what you want. In your frenzy, you get two bottles of jasmine tea.

"Say, Y/N. How was your summer?" Jeonghan asks gently, and you feel your shoulders tense before you glance over with a scowl. "Is it really on your mind that much? I fucked your friend, so what?" "Wow, no need to get so feisty! Kitty has claws." He smiles, elbowing Seungcheol, who just pinches the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, man. God forbid a girl has fun on her summer vacation." You turn on your heel, walking back down the corridor and hearing Seungcheol scold Jeonghan behind you. You nearly rip the handle off the door of the study room, seeing Joshua standing in front of the whiteboard with a textbook draped open in his hand. He looks back to see your furrowed brows, and the two teas in your hand.

"Are you alright?" "Did you have to tell all your friends that we slept together? Because I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell my best friend, you told her. I'd appreciate if you would stop ruining my fucking reputation." You slam the bottles on the table, and Joshua gives you a surprised look. "What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?" "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Joshua. Your stupid friend just cornered me at the vending machine, asking me all these stupid questions like he knows something about me. Newsflash! He doesn't, and neither do you!" You sit with a huff, and Joshua's ears are slightly red as he tongues his cheek. He glances down at the textbook in his hand, closing it and sliding it onto the table. You don't bother looking up at him, hearing the jingling of the door before he speaks. "Excuse me."

The door shuts behind him, and you look up to see that he didn't take any of his things. Meaning that he'd be back, after doing God knows what, and you'd have to deal with it. Sighing to yourself, you rub your temples, wondering how things got like this.

The semester just started. You didn't have time for this.

Silently, you begin to pack up your things. Your laptop goes in the designated slot, your extra tea gets packed snugly into the front pocket. You click your tongue, about to get up when the door opens and Joshua emerges with Jeonghan in tow, looking like a kicked puppy.

Your brows nearly reach your hairline as Jeonghan shuffles forward. Joshua gives him a hard look. "Apologize."

Sucking his teeth, Jeonghan gives you a once over before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry that my assumptions and behavior made you uncomfortable, and it won't happen again." The hand gripping your backpack loosens a bit, and Seungcheol pops up from behind Joshua with a sheepish look on his face. "I'm also sorry, Y/N. I know this is an odd situation for the two of you, and our instigation doesn't make it any better." Your jaw is a bit slack, and Jeonghan looks at Joshua. "Can I go now?" "Did you hear her accept your apology?" He asks, and Jeonghan sighs. "I guess not." Blinking, you just give Jeonghan a thumbs up. "You're…you're good, yeah. Uh, don't worry about it. You either, Seungcheol." You look over Joshua's shoulder to the older man, who smiles in response.

"We'll get going, then. We've got a party to plan." Seungcheol says warmly,  and Jeonghan turns on his heel to exit the room. "I don't want to hear this shit from you guys again." Joshua mutters, all but slamming the door after them.

"You didn't have to do that." You mumble, and he looks at you with a scoff.

"Yes, I did. Whether we slept together or not is none of their business, and the only reason they know is because they were there. I don't need that being spread around campus or them being douchebags to you." He grabs the textbook again, uncapping the dry-erase marker before glancing at you. "Sit down, you've got me for two hours." You don't like the slight flutter in your stomach, or that your body involuntarily does as he says. You silently unpack your bag again, and he finishes writing example problems on the whiteboard. Feeling your stomach a bit uneasy, you uncap the tea to take a sip.

"Conjugation is very important. When I was grading your quiz, I noticed that was your biggest problem. I don't know how you got a B, really, when most of that quiz was conjugations, but I digress. Can you do these for me?" He holds out the marker, an expectant look in his eyes.

"Sure."

Friday, September 16th.

It'd been a little more than a week since you met with Joshua in the library.

And since the two of you officially acknowledged that you'd slept together. What you didn't know was, while he was having his own feelings about the history that weighed the two of you down, he wasn't going to force you to return his affections. In fact…he even felt a bit silly, liking you so much off of three weeks of getting the full experience of…well, you.

Better yet, he wasn't even going to tell you there are any residual feelings on his end. If he knew anything, it was you and your type. If he came off too strong – flowers, a date, chocolates and the like, he'd scare you off even more. You were skittish, like a deer, and he had to either slowly gain your trust…

Or irritate the living hell out of you every chance he got.

Subtle flirting, double entendres, maybe the occasional lingering look. He knew that if he wanted a chance, and man did he want it – he was going to have to work for it. No problem, though. You were definitely worth the wait.

"So, as you can see, the proper conjugation is hablar, not hablando." His laser pointer is steady at the bottom of the projector screen, and he looks up to see half of the class staring intently and the other half jotting down notes. You were neither of the two – your head was resting on Chan's shoulder, eyes low. He cleared his throat, your head jumping up and a wince crossing your features.

Joshua knew Chan was really no threat. The fraternity really liked him, and he was set to move in this weekend. According to Chan's Instagram story, you'd been at his dorm the night before helping him pack up. Saerom had also been there, and Soonyoung – another Beta Tau member. You had been holding a can of Red Bull and in one of the following videos, you were shotgunning another.

"Any questions?" He calls out, and Haerim shoots her hand up. "Yes, Haerim?" "Since this is a conversational class, how would we ask someone out? Or, for their number?"

The classroom fills with childish snickering, and Joshua just smiles as he shakes his head. "Well, I-" "I don't think this is an appropriate question, to be honest." Your voice is heard from the back of the classroom, and Haerim turns in her chair, a wicked smile crossing her lips as Joshua rounds the desk, perched on the edge of it. "And why not, Y/N?" She asks, and Joshua can see you shift uncomfortably in your chair.

"This is Beginner Spanish Conversation, not Coffee Meets Bagel. Flirt on your own time, at your own pace." You scoff, and Haerim's smile only grows wider. It's like she knows something about you, and Joshua notices you begin to bristle slightly. "Why are you so uptight about it, Y/N? It's just a question." "I'm paying for this class, as is everyone else. I think I'd like to appreciate my money's worth by learning something I'll actually use." "Alright, ladies. Honestly, Miss Y/N is partially correct. This is not Café y Rosquilla, but I do think that this is…a learning moment. Asking someone out does involve conversation, you know." Joshua attempts to diffuse, but he can see your subtle annoyance at his siding with Haerim. "So, for example, if I wanted to ask out…" He looks around the room, before a flash of diablerie crosses his eyes. "If I wanted to ask out Miss Y/N, I'd have to make conversation. I'd say…eres muy bonita." "Yeah?! What else?!" You hear Myungjun shout from the far left side of the room, and you can feel Chan's knee bumping yours. You scowl at him, earning a smile as he hides in his hoodie. "I'd say…" Joshua scans your face, and he knows you're probably embarrassed. Embarrassed, but enjoying his subtle attention. He pushes off the desk, pacing in front of the students. "Hm, I'd probably say I like her dress, or me gusta tu vestido."

He watches you cross your legs, tucking the extra fabric of your black dress under your thighs. "Okay, but how do you ask her out!?" Haerim interrupts excitedly, and Joshua is on the first step of the stairs before he catches your eyes again.

"You don't just ask someone out flat out like that. You build repertoire, you make conversation." He rolls his eyes playfully, and you think you're about to get off without any further embarrassment when you hear Chan speak up next to you. "How much repertoire can you even build at this point? Psychology says it only takes two minutes to decide if you like someone." Joshua sees you gape at Chan, before pinching his bicep. Chan pouts in your direction, rubbing his arm as Joshua holds back a laugh. "Psychology also says that there are five components to figuring out if we will have a crush on someone. Physical attraction, proximity, similarity, reciprocity and familiarity. Miss Y/N is very pretty, so physical attraction is checked off. Proximity is also checked, as we see each other three times a week for this class." "What about similarity?" Myungjun pipes up again, making you sink lower in your seat. Joshua is enjoying making you squirm a bit, and he steps up a few more. "Hm, I think that's something I'd have to figure out. Tell me, Miss Y/N, do you enjoy…long walks on the beach?" Your eyes are full of fire, and you'd be almost scary if he didn't notice the way your lip wanted to twitch into a smile. Haerim shouts for you to answer the question, making you send her a scornful look – and she just sticks her tongue out at you like a child. "I do…enjoy long walks on the beach."

"What a coincidence, so do I! Now, we have a similarity. Miss Y/N is familiar, because again, I do see her quite often. Now, it's about reciprocation. This is when you ask the question, this is when you try and make a move." "Shua, how do we make the move!?" Chan asks, and you kick his shin, about to tell him to shut up when Joshua finally reaches your row. He's looking you dead in the eyes, his hand gently wrapping around the edge of your desk. He leans forward, and you can hear the stupid woo-ing of your classmates. "Señorita Y/N, ¿le gustaría salir conmigo?"

Somehow, this all feels like some stupid romcom for the both of you. The class is egging you both on, and Chan is next to you with the most idiotic smile you'd ever seen. You huff, the class is now chanting for you to agree to said…"fake" date.

"No." You say quietly, and Joshua feigns pain. He holds his hand to his heart, a pained expression on his face. "You wound me, Miss Y/N."

He turns to the class, all of which are giving you the dirtiest look ever. "Now, now. This was just an example, don't look at her like that." He scolds, and the class turns back to face the front as he barrels down the steps, checking his watch. 

"Shit, it's already ten past noon. You guys are free to go, and if any of you are taking Psych with Professor Seo Jungkwon, tell him I fulfilled his lecture for the day." This earns a laugh from the class, except you. You're angrily stuffing your laptop into your bag, the class eagerly exiting the room. Chan is holding your arm, apologizing most likely, but you don't seem like you want to hear any of it. By this point, Chan looks a bit like a kicked puppy as he quickly takes the steps down, with you following slowly behind him.

Chan is out the door by the time you make it to the last step, and the classroom is empty.

You arms are crossed as you approach the desk, where Joshua is quietly shutting down the projector. His eyes don't meet yours as he disconnects the machine from the wall, winding the cord up to tie together. "Y/N." He calls gently, and you huff angrily. He bites back a smile.

"Why do you insist on embarrassing me? The first week, it was you running your mouth to my best friend. Last week, you practically held Jeonghan at gunpoint to apologize to me. Today, it's putting me on blast in front of an entire classroom with people I will continue to see for the rest of the year."

"Oh? Was it embarrassing?" He's nonchalant as he looks up, tucking the wrapped cables behind the projector. Your eyes are narrowed, and it seems you've caught onto his little game. "Do you get off on this or something? Knowing you fucked one of your students?" "Hm, not necessarily. And none of what was done was done to embarrass you, per say. It's just decent honesty, and we both know you deserved an apology for Jeonghan's behavior." He states matter-of-factly, making you purse your lips. "What about your behavior? You asked me out in front of all these people!" You gesture to the empty room, and Joshua gives you a small smile. "And you rejected me in front of all of those people. The way I see it, it's a teaching moment."

He's on the same side of the desk as you now, resting against it as you complain. HIs smile seems to be getting under your skin, because you grab his shirt by the collar, pulling his face close to yours before you speak through gritted teeth. "Use someone else as your stupid guinea pig. I don't want to be with you, Hong." You're holding him so close, your lips just barely brushing his. He can't help but scan your face quickly, his hand reaching to brush a stray curl off your face. Your eyes follow his fingers, feeling them tuck the hair behind your ear before he swallows carefully. You can feel your stomach flip slightly as his hand drops, ghosting over your hip as he pushes off the desk, making you slightly stumble back. His fingers grab you gently, pulling you flush to him before his nose is touching yours. "Tell me you don't want me," He whispers, his breath hitting your lips making your lashes flutter closed as you press your lips to his. A whimper escapes his throat as he kisses you back, his grip tightening as your hand lets go of his shirt, your palm resting against his stomach as your other hand holds his waist. The kiss is slow but desperate, your tongue licking into his mouth in the way that drove him crazy over the summer. 

He can't help himself, his hand moving to tangle in your hair, moving his lips down your jaw and exposed neck. A sharp inhale from you as he reaches one of the many sweet spots he'd discovered, a soft whine sounding in his ears making him feel dizzy as he nips at your skin. Pulling back, he holds your face close to his as he speaks again. "Tell me you don't want me, and we can stop this right now. I'll be nothing but professional for the rest of the semester."

He can tell that wasn't what you were expecting. Your eyes are wide and full of mixed emotions, but overall, they flash with a bit of fear. "I…" Your hands move to rest on his hips, a frown on your lips as you let go, and he does the same. His arms cross with an expectant look on his face, and you grimace.

"Stop embarrassing me in front of people, and if you don't have a good reason to talk to me or be near me, don't engage at all." 

He gives you a nod, his smile reappearing as he reaches to wipe your lip gloss from his lips. "That being said, I'm guessing you will not be attending office hours tonight?" Huffing, you look away. "No. I have to help Chan move into the frat house with you and your hooligan friends."

"So I'll see you tonight anyway." He speaks with a grin, and you tongue your cheek. "Leave me alone, Joshua."

You spin on your heel, but his arm is on your elbow before you can walk away. He pulls you back, pulling you into a hug, pressing his lips to your hairline as you hesitantly wrap your arms around him. He speaks against your hair, "One more. For the road."

"Joshua." You groan, trying to hide the giddy feeling spreading in your stomach. He smiles at you, planting a kiss to the tip of your nose. "Just one, and I'll let you slam out of here like we were arguing."

You roll your eyes, but let him slot his lips with yours, the minty taste of him still lingering from the previous kiss. This one is much gentler, the warmth of his body against yours comforting as he pulls away with a chaste kiss. And another. And another.

"You said one." You grumble, swatting at his side to make him let you go. He smiles, his thumb coming to wipe at your lips. Your lipgloss is gone entirely, just glitter remaining. "Mmh. I'll see you later." "Whatever." You pull away from him, and he watches as you slam your way out of the classroom, a few students from your class still lingering in the hallway catching his eye. They look questioning, but he just shrugs as the door closes. He sighs as he looks around the empty lecture hall, a glimmer on the third step up calling his eyes. 

Making his way towards the steps, he sees the gold plating of a seven-pointed star, a message engraved in the back. 

For my brightest star, Y/N.

Picking it up, the diamonds mock him.

He feels slightly stupid to think this is fate, while knowing that once you realize it's gone, you'll be panicking. It seems nothing is really going right for you these days – your car being hit, fighting with Saerom, not being able to stand your ground against him…and now your necklace is 'gone'. He wants to be selfish and say it's because you're being a bit of a jerk to him.

So he'll believe that.

– ☆ –

"Chan! It's not here!"

Your hands feel disgustingly dry, having practically ripped apart every cardboard box you helped him pack. You'd managed to haul everything from his dorm to the fraternity house a few blocks down, having begged Saerom and Soonyoung to help you steal a flatbed from the construction majors. The three of you were helping Chan unpack a box of his underwear when you swiped your hair back from your neck, not feeling the chain of your necklace on your skin.

The four of you had stopped unpacking the moment you started panickedly patting yourself all over, and even standing up to shake off your shirt and hair. Now surrounded by a few of Chan's blankets, you were doing all but ripping up the carpet in the bedroom to find your cherished gift.

"It's not in the hallway! Going downstairs!" You hear Saerom call, and Chan is emerging from the bathroom with his flashlight on. "I swear you had it on when we fought earlier."

"Fuck, what if it fell off there?" You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to remember if you felt anything off after leaving the room. People stared at you as you barreled out of the language hall, you kissed Joshua…

You kissed Joshua.

"I'm pretty sure I had it on when I left! Remember, I even changed clothes when I got home so I wouldn't dirty my dress helping you move. I swear I felt it!"

At this point, you're shaking your hair out once more and Chan is throwing ripped cardboard into the hallway, hitting a passing Joshua. "Ouch!"

"Shit, sorry!" Chan winces, and Joshua scours the room, before his eyes land on you. Your hand is gently patting at your chest, where your necklace would usually sit as you shake out your sweater. He gives Chan a look, making him look back at you. Joshua glances at the cardboard boxes on the floor, and Chan gets the hint.

He clears his throat, garnering your anxious attention, "I'm going to take these down to recycling, and I'll check outside, okay? Just keep looking in here, it's gotta be somewhere."

Your eyes are slightly wild, and you just nod as you begin to shake Chan's blankets. A pair of underwear falls out, making you huff as Chan exits his room. Joshua leans on the doorframe, watching as you move around calculatedly. "What's got you so frantic?" You look over your shoulder, now squatted over a pile of shirts. "Why is it any of your business?"

He sucks his teeth, hands resting in his hoodie pocket. "Maybe I can help you? Ever think that I'm not out to get you like some sort of Boogeyman?" Your shoulders sag in defeat, and you just beckon him into the room. "Shut the door." You mutter, and he does just that before squatting in front of you, his ringed fingers splayed across the shirts in your hands. 

"Shake these off." 

"For?" He asks, but takes the first one and does as you ask. You feel a tear threaten to escape, but blink rapidly as he takes the next shirt. "Just do it." He does, but by the fifth shirt, he looks up at you. "You know…if you tell me what you're looking for, I may be able to help further." He says it like he knows something, and you just roll your eyes as you move onto the stack of Chan's sweatpants. "I lost my necklace, okay? I can't find it."

Stopping his movements, he smiles at you. "Hm, any idea where?" "No." You sigh, shaking off another pair of pants. A dollar bill floats out of the pocket, but neither of you bother to touch it as it floats down to the carpet. "I think you're wasting your time looking in here, actually." You look at Joshua, who is now moving to stand up. Scanning his face, your eyes narrow. "Where is it?" Stretching, he extends a hand to help you up. You scowl, getting up on your own as he shrugs. "Come on." He walks towards the door, flinging it open as two of the members run past with a basket full of eggs. "You better not be throwing those in here!" He barks, and their giggles only get louder as they barrel down the stairs.

He leads you to his bedroom, leaving the door ajar for you to close as you enter. 

Your eyes scan the bedroom – it's very…serene. It's bigger than Chan's, and the bed is right under the window. There is sheet music pinned up to a corkboard above his desk, a few guitars propped up against the wall. His walls are covered in photos of him and his friends, and you spot one of him and Saerom as kids pinned higher on the wall than the rest. There is a small bookshelf, with a Bible and a few candles on top of it.

You're standing at the foot of this bed when you feel his hands on your neck, making you jump slightly. "Relax." He murmurs, the cool metal of your necklace making you shiver slightly.

"I found it on the steps in the classroom. Your clasp broke, so I took it to my friend in town. She's a jeweler, and she fixed it. I have the original clasp, in case you wanted to keep it." He holds up a plastic baggie, no bigger than the palm of his hand. You turn to look at him, your hand ghosting around for the star that hands in the middle of your chest.

"I should have texted, or emailed, at the very least. I just figured, I'd see you anyway—" "Thank you." You interrupt, your arms instinctively enveloping him into an embrace. You squeeze slightly, his own hands hovering over your back before touching you gently. "You're welcome." Without moving away, you speak into his sweater. "I'm sorry I've been such a douche to you lately."

He laughs a bit, his chest moving against your cheek. "Yeah…you have been. I'll send your parents an invoice for emotional damage." His fingers are rubbing circles in your back, and you hate that he knows you joke about your parents' emotional unavailability. Biting back a laugh, you push off him. Your hands linger at his sides, and he tilts his head.

"I meant what I said, you know." He states, and you glance up at him with a quizzical look on your face. "What?"

"That if you don't want to do…whatever this is, I'll leave you alone. I'll be professional for the rest of the semester." He gestures between the two of you. You don't look as taken aback as you did in the classroom, but a scoff does escape your lips as your arms fold across your chest. 

"Okay? What does that have to do with now?" He steps a bit closer, making the back of your knees hit his bed. You sit out of instinct, watching as he runs his hand through his hair. He's so handsome.

"It has everything to do with you, and your general existence. Your best friend is my cousin. You're friends with Soonyoung, Jun and Chan, and they're all members of my fraternity. You're a student in a class I assist, we're going to be around each other no matter our feelings about each other." He's not really giving you an out of this conversation.

"I know you don't like that I told Saerom about what happened between us during the summer, and I want to apologize for telling her in the first place. It just slipped out, and I am sorry." He speaks sincerely, and you blink up at him before scooting slightly back on his bed, crossing your legs. He takes this as a sign to continue.

"I also want to say that what happened between us doesn't have to mean anything to you, at all." He shifts uncomfortably, making your eyes narrow. "I know it was just a fling, and I'm probably just confused about my feelings." 

You hate the way tears prick at your eyes, before he spins his desk chair out, sitting down and leaning forward.

"I wanted to ask if you want to be transferred out. I have the transfer form ready, there is a spot in Professor Yoon Mirae's class. She said she'd gladly take you if that was the case." Your head snaps up at this, his eyes boring a hole into the pictures on the wall. "You…want to transfer me out?"

He stares at his fingers, toying with one of his rings as he replies. "I think it would be best for you. It only meets twice a week, and you'd probably get along better with Somin." He looks up at you, and you don't know what expression is on your face for him to immediately soften. "You don't want to?" "I think you…" You swallow thickly, scooting towards the edge of his bed, moving to stand up. "I think we need to forget that anything even happened between us." You whisper, and you can see hurt lace his eyes before he clears his throat, looking away from you as he nods. "Right." "I don't want to hurt you, Joshua." You fake confidence, noting the way he blinks rapidly, before standing up. "You're not hurting me, Y/N. We fucked over the summer. It's not like we dated."

You wince at his use of words. "Yeah, but–" HIs hand pushes the baggie with your clasp in it into your hand, "Don't worry about it, Y/N. I'll see you in class on Monday." Your fingers instinctively close around his, moving to squeeze his hand before he pulls it away. You stare up at him, feeling your face slightly burn in humiliation. You know that he's sensitive, and that the kiss earlier today probably meant a lot to him. Why is he acting like this? Like you didn't open up to him and tell him everything you couldn't even tell your best friend, like you didn't sleep with him for three weeks straight before leaving Puerto Vallarta.

You remember Chan's words…something something forming a crush in two minutes. 

What can happen in three weeks?

"Was that all it was for you?" You ask gently, watching as he turns away from you. "I really don't want to have this conversation right now." He mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and walking towards the door. He tugs his hoodie off, the white muscle tank showing off his broad shoulders. Shoulders you dug your nails into that summer, and you can see the remaining faint lines from you trailing down his back. 

"Was it just sex?" You ask again, and he sighs. "No. It wasn't."

He hangs the hoodie up on the hook behind the door, and you take a step to him. "Then why are you acting like this?" He turns to look at you, eyes wide with incredulity. "Me?! Why are you acting like this? For almost a month you couldn't keep your hands off me, you couldn't stop talking about hating your life here, and suddenly, through whatever force of the universe, we're both stuck in this life that you dread. Excuse me if my best effort isn't enough for you." Eyes narrowed, you can feel your stomach bubble with a bit of anger. "There's no way you're the same guy I fucked for three weeks, Joshua. We were on vacation in a foreign country. I was telling you everything about me because I wasn't worried about ever seeing you again." "No, you did that because you're a liar." He mutters, making you suddenly feel a lot smaller than usual. "I am the exact same person I was then, Y/N! I'm not like you, I can't just flip-flop between two personalities. I can't lie to everyone that I care about just because I'm too afraid to stand up to my parents. You're doing yourself a disservice." 

He's breathing heavily, and you can feel the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Your pride is stronger, though, and you let out a humorless laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."

You shove past him, throwing his door open and slipping out before you slam it with all your might. You see Jeonghan carrying a basket with Chan's name on it down the hall, his eyes wide as you storm past him.

"Are you o-" "Fuck off." You spit, not bothering to swing back into Chan's room for your stuff. Saerom could bring it home, or leave it there, you don't really care. All you really know is that this place has got to be the most suffocating you've ever felt.

Wednesday, October 12th.

It'd been almost a month since you'd last spoken to Joshua.

You weren't in class the following Monday, having instead driven out to one of your mother's properties. You stayed the weekend there, and only drove back in the middle of the night on Tuesday. Professor Lee emailed you, and so did Joshua – though his was very much a copy-paste email. You didn't seek him out, you didn't speak to him. He didn't even attempt to make eye contact, almost always being the first to exit the classroom. You didn't even really talk to Chan or Saerom since you'd helped him move into the frat house, and you could tell they were growing worried about you.

Especially Saerom, as she heard Wherever You Will Go by The Calling play through your speakers almost everyday since. You played this song the first time the two of you went on vacation together, you were nineteen and your grandmother had just passed away that past November.

You didn't have time to worry about their feelings, though, as you parked your car in the lot, Chan silently unbuckled his seatbelt. It was nine-forty-six in the morning, and the two of you sighed simultaneously. "Want to take the long way? We've got fifteen minutes." You check your watch, and Chan gives you a slight nod. "Sure." The long way was walking around the language building into the technology hall – and Chan decided now would be a good time to update you on how Jeonghan and Seungcheol had an ongoing prank war with Mingyu and Wonwoo. It apparently wasn't going to end this weekend, and the reason? Beta Tau Omega was notorious for holding the best Halloween ragers. They held the largest one every year, with the other frats on campus stumbling to be pre-game parties and sororities simply giving up and going to the parties instead of hosting. The problem here was sourcing – Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua planned the party every year, including the random Jell-O wrestling and drinking contests. The liquor was never-ending, and the clean-up after was a mess (and at the hands of the newest members.)

This year, Mingyu insisted that he and Wonwoo could plan an even better party than the trio – hence, facing the wrath of practical jokesters Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Joshua insisted he wasn't involved in this, and would help either duo with the planning if necessary.  

"Are you even listening?" You hear Chan snap his fingers in your face, and you blink at him. "Yeah, sorry. Planning?" He begins to speak again, allowing you to loop your arm with his and rest your head on his shoulder when you look up – and see Joshua leaning against the wall, twirling a strand of Baek Hyejin's hair. She was the Organic Chemistry TA, you got your labs graded by her. She was always very sweet.

You can feel eyes on you as you and Chan walk in lockstep down the stairs, and you see Joshua staring at you as Hyejin speaks to him. Nodding along as if he's listening, as if he cares. You scoff inwardly, shaking your head as you force your eyes forward, ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach.

It doesn't even matter. You don't like Joshua, and you wouldn't date him, either. You had too much to lose.

Seeing as you drove down to one of the properties, you met with your mother, as well. Your Saturday was spent in your mother's office, designing a new building with her to place on one of her newest properties down south. "You're going to manage this one first. The other tenants don't know you yet, and you'll have to ease into getting them to like you."Your father wasn't around the entire weekend. Your mother sighed repeatedly over dinner, before ultimately abandoning her plate at the table and whisking herself away with a bottle of Merlot. You didn't ask many questions, but you do remember walking by her study before going to the guest bedroom and hearing her on the phone, presumably with her sister.

"I wonder when she's going to get married. He can't be some random guy…do you still keep in touch with the Mins? Maybe Yoongi is willing this time." You hadn't even graduated yet, and she was already trying to pawn you off. Your father had stated strictly that he didn't want you to marry until you were firmly situated within the companies he owned, and your mother constantly bickered against it. No one ever asked you what you wanted.

Not that it mattered, anyway.

"...And so, Mingyu had to wash flour out of all his bedsheets. I think we'll have to get a new washing machine." Chan sighs as the two of you turn into the language hall, and you grimace. "You probably will, that shit sticks like glue." "Yum, gluten patterns." Chan laughs as you shiver, walking into the classroom. Somehow, Joshua is already there, making your grip on Chan's arm tighten a bit. He gives you a concerned look, but allows you to pull him slightly closer to you as you climb the steps to your regular seats in the corner.

"Good morning, everyone!" Joshua calls with a smile, and you hear the majority return the greeting as you and Chan situate yourselves. Crossing your legs, you face forward to see Joshua holding up a three-page packet. "There is a quiz!" A collective groan echoes the room, and Joshua gives a sorry grin. "I know, I know. However, it is an open-note quiz! Feel free to use your notes, and there is no time limit, even if you go over the noon end of the class. Take your time, and you can leave right after you're done." The class just fills with murmurs as everyone begins fishing through their bags for their notebooks, but you made no effort to do so as Joshua began walking around to distribute the papers. He hands two to Chan, who passes you yours and you notice the way Joshua's eyes linger to Chan's jacket on your shoulders before going back down the steps.

"I'll be grading these tests over the next two days, and I'll submit your grades by Thursday night. That way, we can review on Friday and you can attend office hours later that day if you're not satisfied with your grade or just feel like you need a little more help. Sounds good?" He asks, and earns a resounding yes from the class.

Time seems to be dragging on as you carefully read and re-read every question, hoping that your lack of notes won't fuck you over. You remember Chan giving you shit last week for only taking notes on your laptop – and you probably should have listened to him when he told you. Why? Because now you're without notes and you're possibly a little more than screwed, you've only been studying for your other classes.

Your 'how hard can it be?' mindset was now biting you in the ass.

You glanced up to the clock, seeing that there was fifteen minutes to noon – and three students remained aside from you and Chan. Clearing his throat, Chan inched his notes closer to the edge of his desk, making you kick his foot to move them back. He huffed, closing the notebook and standing. He tucks it into his backpack before hiking it over his shoulder, whispering that he'd meet you at the cafe as you'd planned last night. You nod, blowing him a joking kiss before hearing Joshua clear his throat.

The two of you look up, seeing the assistant with a raised brow, beckoning Chan towards the front. Chan gives you a small smile, before making his way to the front. You can hear them whispering at each other, and another two students stand up. You can feel a bit of nervousness sinking into your stomach as the last student stands as well, her bag on her shoulder as she drops her test on Joshua's desk. They chat for a bit, and you hate how you can hear his smile.

"B plus, way to go, Jiwoo. Keep this up, you'll get an A on the final!" He cheers, and she gives him a thumbs up before prancing out of the room. You feel small in the giant room, and Joshua sighs as he leans back in his chair. His laptop is out, and you assume he's going to start inputting grades.

Instead, you hear soft music flowing from the laptop as he starts moving around, grabbing the broom from the corner of the room. "Let me know if it bothers you, I'll turn it down." He speaks, and you just wave him off without looking at him.

You're staring at the stupid question for five minutes before huffing, not knowing why the difference between the subjunctive and the indicative mood even matters for this class. (Yes, you do. You're just being stubborn because you don't know the answer and it bothers you.) "Having trouble?" Joshua calls from the front, a smile on his face as he texts someone back on this phone. Probably Hyejin.

Probably planning a stupid date at a stupid restaurant where they'll order stupid dishes. Probably staring at each other like idiots and liking each other so much that nothing seems to satisfy their carnal needs–

You stop scribbling on your paper, blinking at your sudden train of thought. Why do you even care? Why does it even matter who he's texting, and what he's doing after this? Why? "Y/N?" He calls gently, and you look up to see a worried look on his face. "You okay? Thinking kind of hard, aren't you?" You huff, grabbing your bag by the strap and slightly crumpling your paper as you grab it. Your anger seems to radiate off you as you rush down the steps, nearing the desk with a sour look on your face. "So much for taking my time, huh?" He gives you a small frown, holding his hand out for your quiz. "I wasn't rushing you, just asking if you're alright. Your face was scrunched for twenty minutes." You know it was. You can still feel the tension between your brows as you rub it gently, a pout on your lips as you hand him the paper. "Yeah, well…your job isn't to stare at me. See ya."

"Hmm, but I like staring at you." He hums, uncapping his pen with his teeth as you make your way to the door. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hate the sing-song of his voice.

– ☆ –

The cafe had been super packed, so you and Chan decided to take your drinks to go. Unfortunately, Saerom was holding a study group at the apartment, so your only option was Chan's room at the frat house. You begrudgingly let him try to cheer you up as you sulked up the stairs to his room, holding your drink as Chan carries your bag for you.

"You know, one of the brothers thought we were dating? They asked me after I left Spanish earlier." He ponders aloud, and you snort. "Yeah, I can see why. I do get…pretty affectionate." You reply sarcastically, taking his hand in yours for extra emphasis.

He rolls his eyes as the two of you reach the top floor, and he fishes his keys out as you continue to tease him. "I'd never date you, you're a snotty-nosed brat. I bet you don't even know how to kiss." He sticks his tongue out at you, making you gape.

"I may be a snotty-nosed brat, but I'm a great kisser. Not that you would know, you've never felt the touch of a woman." You bite back, making him gasp. "I have too felt the touch of a woman! You literally took my-" He cuts himself off, looking over your shoulder down the hallway. You furrow your brows, looking over to see Joshua whispering sweet nothings in Hyejin's ear as he hugs her, and her giggles as she brushes her nose against his.

"I'll see you later?" He mumbles, eyes low as he nearly kisses her. She giggles again, before placing her manicured nail on his chest. "Bye, Joshie." "Bye." He smiles, letting her spin out of his arms, watching as she walks down the hall to the stairs. Only then does he notice that you and Chan are standing there, and his face flushes lightly. "Hey, guys. Sorry you had to see that." "Don't be." Chan nods awkwardly, his hand finding your hip to pull you into his bedroom. You grimace in Joshua's direction, before skirting into Chan's room. Chan lingers at the door, before sighing, and entering his room.

"Don't be upset, Y/N." He murmurs as you kick your shoes off, setting your drink down on his desk and shrugging off his jacket. "I'm not upset." You mutter, grabbing your bookbag and pulling out your laptop.

"I can tell you are." He sighs, slipping his shirt over his head, and opening his drawer to reach for a new one. "He's just our TA for a little longer, then we'll both pass the class and get the hell out of there." You look over your shoulder as he pulls a new shirt over his head, rolling your eyes. "It doesn't matter. He's gonna fuck who he wants to, so all I can do is the same." "Y/N, I am only a man." He gives you a warning look, and you snort. "Not you, you rabid dog." "Hey! I've gotten better! I even invented a stroke, I call it the helicopter." He moves his hips in a circular motion, making you shriek out a laugh. "You're a fucking freak."

"I'm just saying, I'm available. If not, I heard that Myungjun is still into you." He shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. You wrinkle your nose, taking a seat on his bed. "Hell no. He likes to talk about his hookups, I don't like blabbermouths." "Then you're fucked, Y/N." He smiles, taking a seat at his desk. "But, I have a proposition." "Chan, if it involves your dick anywhere near me, I'm going to kill you." "You liked it the first time!" He throws an eraser at you, and you snicker. "I didn't know any better then. Anyway, I see the way you look at Haerim. You're not slick." You wag your finger at him, and he flushes lightly.

"So my plan is, I let you act a fool in here and make it seem like we're fucking, and you have to help me get Haerim. Tit for tat." He points his pen at you, and you scoff. "That is so not tit for tat! Haerim is a distinguished young woman, she'd never go for a gremlin like you." "Hurtful!?" He slumps in his chair, making you snicker. "I appreciate your help, Channie. But really, I don't care. It's his life." You shrug, and Chan knows you're lying. "I'm gonna get some water, I'll be back."

You hop off the bed, smoothing your skirt as you open the door. "Can I also steal snacks?" You ask, and Chan nods. "Go for it, Seungcheol buys them." He snorts, and you give him a grin as you close the door behind you. 

You take a deep breath as you brace the stairs, hearing a few of the frat brothers speaking quietly in the den. Peering over the banister, you see a card game strewn on the coffee table, with Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua holding cards. They're all dressed comfortably, and Seungcheol has an ice pack on his knee. He looks up, seeing you peering over the banister. He doesn't speak as you smile at him, only returning it as you continue down the steps. You make it back down to the first floor, giving them a curt nod as you walk past them into the kitchen. "Gentlemen." "M'Lady." Jeonghan replies without looking up, and you look over his shoulder to see that he's got a dirty deck of cards, and he's about to win. "Don't mind me." You skirt into the kitchen, grabbing two cups out of the cupboard and helping yourself to the ice machine. You mind your business as you move around, grabbing a bag of chips and a packet of Gushers, before you see a woven basket on the counter with an assorted amount of condoms. You grab a rope of them, holding it between your teeth as you tuck the chips under your arm and the glasses in your hands. You move back across the den, once more greeting the men. "Gentlemen." 

Joshua looks up to see why your voice is different, seeing the blue foil packet reflecting the light. Seungcheol snorts, "Have fun, don't be too loud. Minghao is sleeping across the hall from you." "Will do, Cheol." You reply, carefully trekking the stairs. You can hear a soft Ow! What'd you do that for!? as you reach the top floor, hearing the front door slam. You put the cups down on the windowsill next to the stairs, and look over the banister to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan snickering. "Did he leave?" You call, and Jeonghan gives you a thumbs up. You rip the top condom off the thread before tossing down the rest. "Thank you, Beta Tau Sluts!" 

"You're welcome!" Seungcheol calls back, catching the condoms before they land in his drink. You grab your drinks again, carefully opening the door with your elbow and Chan looks up to see you. You set the glasses down on his desk, holding up the condom between your fingers.

"Use this with a really special girl, I just pissed off the Vice President of your frat with it." You snicker, and Chan just shakes his head. "Get in here, idiot. We need to study, or OChem is going to eat us for breakfast." "Oh, me first!"

Friday, October 14th.

Joshua put in grades the night before, and you were one point shy of a B minus.

You pretend it doesn't bother you.

Chan was sick, so he'd texted you that morning asking to take notes for him. You took the opportunity to invite Haerim to sit with you – and talk him up. Luckily, there wasn't much talking to do – she already thought he was very cute, but didn't make a move because she thought the two of you were together. You were honest about the past between you, and she just snorted, admitting she'd done the same with a friend of hers.

Msg To: Channie ♡

[10:33AM] mission haerim x chan is a go! [10:33AM] i gave her ur number so…don't fumble.

"Hello, everybody." Joshua calls from the front, and you and Haerim snap your heads up. He starts setting up the projector after everyone replies to his greeting, and she glances at you. "I wonder who broke his heart over the summer." She sighs, and you nod.

"I don't think she meant to." You shrug, your heart warming a bit at the memories. You really regretted it, of course – and it bothered you that it didn't bother him more. You'd been spending a lot of your nights just thinking about it, about him, about opening up to him.

"Well, I hope he heals. She definitely messed up, I've heard he's an absolute sweetheart." She nods, and you smile tightly. "Yeah, he is. His cousin is my best friend. Saerom?" She nods again, "I have Psych with her." "Alright, we're reviewing today." He sighs, and you notice how tired he looks. Eyes are a little swollen. Maybe Hyejin dumped him.

You don't like the giddy feeling you get at that thought.

The review goes by quietly, with Joshua's voice growing more and more tired as he speaks, and he wraps the class up with almost thirty minutes to go. Students walk by and say they hope he feels better, and he just nods at them. You linger, telling Haerim you need to talk to Joshua about office hours, and she leaves without a second thought.

The door closes behind her, and you clear your throat.

"Sick?" You ask, holding out a bag of cough drops. You'd bought them that morning, after Saerom complained of sore throat. He glances at you, and the bag, before shaking his head. "I'm good." Frowning, you step closer to him as he puts his laptop in his bag. "Then what's wrong?" Your voice is gentle, and he stiffens at the sound of it. "Nothing is wrong, Y/N. Thank you for worrying, but I'm fine."

He looks up at you, his eyes lightly rimmed red. You go to speak, but he pulls his bag over his shoulder, moving away from you. "I'll be at the house today, Chan is sick. If you need to talk." You say, before spinning on your heel to leave.

He doesn't respond, only turning away with a frown. "Have a good day, Joshua." "You too, Y/N."

– ☆ –

You were standing in front of the Beta Tau house, waiting for someone to come open the door. Jun was at a study session with Saerom and Soonyoung was out teaching a class, so you were at the house alone. Hearing the doorknob jingle, you look up to see a sleepy Seungcheol opening the door.

"Hey, Y/N. Come in, Chan is in his room." He yawns as he opens the door wider, and you just shake your head in amusement. He and Jeonghan had stopped being a problem after Joshua called them out, and it wasn't long for you to figure out they were friendly based on their treatment of Chan. Very brotherly…very…teasing.

"Hey, Y/N." Jeonghan gives you a curt nod as he stands in front of the mirror by the stairs, giving himself a once over before turning to Seungcheol. "I look okay?" "Yeah." He nods, and you look at Jeonghan over your shoulder. There is a silver packet sticking out of his pocket, "Might wanna tuck that in a little further." You call, before turning back around and trekking the stairs.

"Thanks!" He calls, shoving his hand in his pocket with wide eyes. Seungcheol laughs as you reach the top, before you hear the door open and close with Jeonghan's departure. "Boys." You roll your eyes, before reaching Chan's door. You carefully open the door, trying not to let too much light in.

Chan is draped across his mattress, a fever patch plastered on his forehead. There are half empty bottles of electrolyte drinks all over the floor, and a bowl with Jeonghan's name printed across it. You look inside, seeing broth lingering. 

They're taking care of him.

"Y/N?" You hear him croak, and you almost coo. "Oh, Chan. You're a mess." You set the bag of goodies down on his desk, fishing the thermometer out. "Open." You command, peeling the patch off his forehead and sticking the thermometer in his mouth.

You pick up a bit before the thermometer beeps, and you stare at the numbers. "Pretty mild, you've got a 101° fever." You grimace, shaking the thermometer off before skirting around to unpack the bag.

"I'm going downstairs to make you some tea, okay? I'll be right back." You mumble, before peeling the plastic off another fever patch and sticking it to the back of his neck. He shivers a bit, but nods as he closes his eyes.

Exiting the room just as carefully, you sigh. Taking the stairs quickly, you spot Seungcheol on the couch, "Hey." "Hey. He took some Advil a bit ago, and we've been alternating." He informs, and you can feel warmth spread across your chest. "Aw, you guys really care about the pipsqueak." "He's a good kid." Seungcheol nods, taking a sip of his water before eyeing the ginger root in your hand. "Cutting board is in the bottom cabinet, to the left." "Thanks." You smile, making your way to the kitchen. You see Joshua standing against the dishwasher, arms crossed and eyes closed. There is a popcorn bag in the microwave, likely his. You don't bother to say anything, just quietly opening the cabinet and retrieving the stone cutting board, rinsing it with water.

"He's also thrown up everything we've given him the past twelve hours." Joshua murmurs, his eyes still shut as he nods. "Oh. Sounds like viral gastroenteritis." You sigh, opening the drawer for a knife as the microwave beeps. He doesn't move towards it, but fills a pot with water for you and puts it on the stove. He watches silently as you slice up the ginger root, your shoulders tense.

The water starts to heat up, and you move to find a mug and honey. "Here." Joshua pulls one out from behind him, water droplets still on it from being freshly washed. You take it, "Thank you." "Can we talk when you're done? I'll be in my room." He murmurs, and you nod slowly. "Yeah, sure. I just need to feed him, something is something." He nods, opening the microwave to pull out the bag. He turns, opening a cabinet to retrieve a bowl and pour the popcorn in. He gives you a tired nod before exiting, and you peek around the corner to see him hand the bowl to Seungcheol, who thanks him quietly.

You sigh, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand. You strain the boiled ginger tea, pouring it over three cubes of ice and a hefty amount of honey. You clean up quickly, and organize things in the kitchen before exiting again, a spoon in your hand in case they didn't give you one for the porridge you bought.

"Good luck." Seungcheol smiles at you, and you give him a soft laugh. "Thanks, I'll need it." 

Trying to get Chan awake proves to be most difficult once you get back to his room. He rolls over lazily, and you have to prop him up so he can drink the tea. You also carefully prepare his porridge, even going as far as spoon feeding him.

"It's so bland." He whines, and you just shake your head at him. "It's supposed to help your stomach, Channie. Just eat." He gets halfway through the bowl before he decides he doesn't want anymore, asking you to just leave it. You nod, putting the lid back over the top and choosing to clean up the mess in his room. Bottles, plates, cups, all in your arms as you exit the room once more, carefully walking down the stairs.

Seungcheol sees you, and quickly gets up to take them from you. "Woah, I didn't realize it accumulated so fast. Here, I got it, pretty." He grabs everything in one hand, before taking it to the kitchen. You follow, rolling up your sweater sleeves when he waves you off. "You're a guest. I got it, go." You find yourself floating back into Chan's room one last time, just peeking in to make sure he's sleeping. You call out, telling him to call you if he needs anything, that you'll be here for a bit. He just gives you a thumbs up. You take a deep breath, seeing Joshua's door slightly ajar. You walk over slowly, knocking on the door gently and poking your head in. He looks up from his desk, his laptop open to six different tabs and a drafted email. "Come in."

"Hi." You greet, closing the door behind you. He sighs, rubbing his palms on the fabric of his sweatpants. You inch toward him, looking at his screen. It's full of drafted projects, and the email is addressed to a certain Kwon Jiyong, DMA. You reach over and gently close the laptop, his tired eyes watching you do so.

"What's wrong?" "I'm sorry." He confessed, and you tilt your head. "Hm?"

"I was a jerk to you, the other day." He blinks up at you, and you stand for a moment, thinking back. "You mean when you called me a liar?" You smile, a soft laugh escaping. "I'm not mad anymore, you're weren't wrong. I am a liar." Shrugging, you point to the bed. He nods, and you take a seat. "Whether or not you are one…doesn't give me the right to treat you the way I did. I blew up on you, and I never do that, and it's frankly been eating away at me." He admits, and you nod, trying not to let your eyes go too wide. "Losing sleep?" "Unfortunately." Muttering, he opens the laptop again, typing in his password for the tabs to pop up again. "This isn't helping, either." he spins the mouse all over the screen, and you nod.

"Maybe you should take a breather. Go for a walk, find a muse." You offer, and he looks at you with a pained expression. You think this is the smoothest conversation you've had since your reunion. "Come on, let's go on a walk." You stand, offering your hand. He looks at it, and you wiggle your fingers.

He stands, taking it cautiously as you walk forward, grabbing his sweater off the hook and handing it to him. You open the door, seeing Haerim in the hallway with a bag in her hand.

"Haerim?" You call, your hand tightening around Joshua's, and she jumps. "Shit, Y/N. You scared me." She holds her hand to her chest, before holding up the bag. "I bought him some stew, Mingyu told me he's been really sick." Joshua peers over your head, making Haerim's eyes widen like saucers. "Shua?" "Hey, Haerim." He nods, and only then does she see the tight hold you have on Joshua's fingers. "I can explain–" You start, and she just smiles widely. "Damn, I didn't recognize your game. Respect." She nods, holding her hand over her mouth. You wince as he shrugs, tugging you slightly forward. 

"Text me." She whispers as he walks past you, and you nod quickly. The two of you walk down the stairs, and Seungcheol is now sitting on the couch again – and he gives you a lazy smile. "Damn, Y/N. You've got hella game." You laugh embarrassedly, as Joshua fixes the way your hands are intertwined. He slots his fingers between yours, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door and opening it. "Ladies first." He murmurs, and you wave goodbye to Seungcheol before stepping out into the cool October air.

"Where to?" He asks, closing the door behind himself. You shrug, shivering slightly as you start down the path. "Wherever you need to." 

The two of you walk aimlessly, before you spot the hill you used to visit during your sophomore year, before you finally convinced Saerom to transfer to your university. You'd lay on this hill with Jun, staring at the sky and talking to him about the stars. He was always surprised about how much you knew, but was kept in the dark like everyone else.

Everyone but Joshua.

"Here. I used to come here all the time." You point at the lavender-covered hill, and he lets you lead him up, before standing amongst all the flowers. "Look at the sky." 

You tilt your head up, watching as the evening sunset looms overhead. He does the same, before speaking quietly. "I'm not dating Hyejin." Your head lolls to the side, a knowing look on your face. "I know." You lie, shrugging nonchalantly as you turn back to the sky. "How?" "You like me. Hard to move on so fast." You hesitate, and he inches closer. "Yeah?" "Yeah." You breathe, feeling the warmth of his body radiating onto you. You shiver a bit, and he sighs, tucking you into him. His sweater is open, and he lets go of your hand to wrap your arms around him. He does the same, wincing lightly at the cold feeling of your hands on his back.

"I'm still very sorry, you know." He laments, and you give him a tight smile. "I shouldn't have said any of it, especially not about your parents." He looks down at you, your eyes peering up at him already.

"My parents suck, don't take back what you say about them." You shrug, scanning his face. "I am confused about the Hyejin thing." "Right, that." He sucks his teeth lightly, a slight blush coating his cheeks. "She…asked for my help, and I have a really hard time saying no." "Of what nature was this 'help?'" You make air quotes, and Joshua can see a glint of the green-eyed monster in your demeanor. He smiles, moving to card his fingers through your hair gently. "Making an ex-boyfriend jealous kind of help." "Doesn't explain why you two were about to kiss when Chan and I got up the stairs." You say pointedly, his fingers toying gently with your earring. Another gift from your grandmother, he remembers these, too. A sun and a moon. "Let's just say I could recognize your voice from a mile away." You quirk a brow at him, before scoffing. "You're obsessed with me." "Since I saw you in that white dress." He nods, making you roll your eyes. You bite back your smile, "Can I kiss you?" "You're asking?" He tilts his head, and you snort. "Some of us don't like to assume things." You say with a tinge, and he shrugs. "I know when someone wants me." "I don't want you." You shake your head, a frown on your lips as you run your own hands through his mussed hair, peering over his shoulder to see an empty campus. Odd, for this hour. "Oh, you don't?" He entertains your shenanigans, before tilting your chin up to look in your eyes. "Nope." You pop the 'p', nuzzling your nose with his. His fingers are gently tracing your jaw before he presses his lips to yours. You melt into his touch carefully, his other hand softly holding your hip, squeezing before he pulls away, touching his forehead to yours. You blink up at him, "I don't want you. I need you."

"Did you sleep with Chan?" He asks, a bit roughly as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to rest on your back, and you shake your head. "Not recently, no." "Recently?" His eyes widen, and you snort. "Once, three years ago." You roll your eyes, and he nods. "No plans of sleeping with him soon?" "None." You murmur, and he bites his lip, a smile threatening to take over. "Plans of sleeping with anyone else?" "Don't know, there is this one guy." You pretend to think, pulling his hands to the front and lacing your fingers with one, taking him further down the hill slowly. The flower field comes into view, and you look up at the sky to see it's darkened remarkably. "Do you know the story of Altair and Vega?" "The story of Altair and Vega?" He echoes, allowing you to sit him down, plopping down next to him before clearing your throat. You nod, placing his hand on your inner thigh. "For warmth." You roll your eyes, before leaning back on your hands. "It's an old Chinese legend. Altair is the brightest star in the Aquila constellation." You search the sky for it, before spotting it overhead. "There." You point, and he nods. 

"You told me about those three stars over the summer. Vega, Altair and Deneb." He recalls, and you feel your smile take over your face. "You remember that?"

"We can talk about that later." He shrugs, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you nod carefully. "Right…so, out of the three, Vega is the brightest. In their story, Altair is nothing but a shepherd. He herds cows after being abandoned by his family, and he yearns for love. His only love is music, and he plays lovely melodies on the flute."

Turning slightly to face him, you shrug. "Vega was said to be a goddess, from the Heavens that was forbidden from interacting with mortals, but she heard his song and it was love at first sight. She would leave the Heavens at sunrise and sunset to be with him. They even had children together. Her mother grew suspicious, and demanded she return to the Heavens. She did so."

"The shepherd had a beautiful ox with thick skin. Seeing the way his owner yearned for the love of the goddess, he offered his skin as a sacrifice to reunite them. It didn't work." 

"Why?" Joshua asks gently, his eyes still staring up at the stars overhead. "Her mother was enraged. She created a band of stars to separate them. Their love can't be, not the way they want it." You sigh, and he glances at you.

"So what are you saying?" His voice holds no malice, only curiosity. You feel his hand tighten around your thigh slightly, prompting you to remove it and swing your leg over his lap, adjusting yourself to sit on his thighs. He gives you a look of confusion, but you just lace your fingers with his before taking a deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm a coward." You admit with a mutter, not able to look him in the eyes as you blink back the sting of tears. "I'm saying that…I want to, you know. I want to be brave, I want to tell my parents that I'm not their puppet, I want to pursue my own dreams." "What's stopping you?" He murmurs, his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin. "Fear." You sigh. "Fear of failing. Fear of…not being good enough." "Good enough for what? You're smart, you're passionate. You love this." He gestures at the sky, and you look into his eyes, his face blurry behind tears as you whisper just loud enough for him to hear you. "Good enough for you."

He sighs at this, reaching his fingers up to wipe at a few fallen tears. "There is another story in your legend, but in Greek mythology." Your head tilts to the side, and he smiles. "Lyra, means lyre. Orpheus was a musician in mythology, and a renowned poet. He even went down to Hades' hell to try and save his wife." "Eurydice." You murmur, and he nods. "He loved her more than anything, alongside his music. The story of how Lyra came to be, is that Eurydice died. She was bitten by a venomous snake and had long died by the time Orpheus found her. He was so heartbroken, he played the saddest melodies known to man and it affected everyone else just as much as it did him. He loved her so much, he went to the depths of Hades' hell to beg for her back, to live her full life, to enjoy her time."

He scans your face, feeling your fingers trace shapes into his abdomen. "Hades broke the rule, one time. He sympathized with Orpheus, and since they were both mortals, he knew they'd eventually return to him once their lives were over. The catch?" He took a piece of your hair between his fingers, twirling it through nimble fingers.

"Eurydice had to follow him out, and he wasn't allowed to look back at her until they got back to Earth, lest he'd send her right back." He said with a hum, watching as your lips pursed in discontent. "He turned back, didn't he?" "He feared she'd get lost in the dark. Just before they got back, just before they made it, he looked back and the gates to Hades' darkness were shut. He wept for her, for seven days and seven nights outside of those gates, but he never saw her again." He sighed, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear. "He was beaten to death by drunk women four years later, during a celebration for Dionysus. He never moved on, and was deemed a woman hater because he consistently rejected any and every woman for his Eurydice. His lyre was thrown in the river, and Zeus sent an eagle for it. That's how you got Lyra." 

Pointing at the sky, the two of you watch how the sky slowly turns. 

Without looking back at him, you whisper, "What are you saying?" "I'm saying…I don't want you to be Eurydice. Lost forever because I can't let you go." He splays his large hands across your thighs, the cold of his fingertips making you look back down at him. "But, I know that Orpheus and Eurydice deserved a happy ending. And I know that three weeks is a very short time to get to know someone, but I think…I know you better than almost anyone in your life." You stifle a laugh, nodding. "Nobody knows me like you, Joshua. Saerom doesn't even know I'm a double major." "Bad girl, very bad." He scolds you teasingly, before his thumbs press lightly into your thighs. "I want you to be happy. And if it means that this…whatever, we are…is a secret for a while, I'm okay with that." He shrugs, and you glance down at him.

"You know you deserve better, right?" You murmur, and he sighs. "It's either you or that lunch lady from my freshman year that's been after me for ages. Please, please save me." His tone is joking, but the look in his eyes is serious, solemn.

"Are you sure?" Your thumb pads his slight under eye bags, and he leans into it. "Yes, but don't give in to me so easily. I like the little mind games you play."

Snorting, you flick his nose gently. "What, so you want me to keep being defiant?"

"It's kind of hot." He crinkles his nose at the admission, and you let out a laugh. A genuine laugh, unlike your normal ones. "You're so…" He trails off, tilting his head to the side before sighing.

"I'm so what? Annoying? Stubborn? A snotty-nosed brat?" You prod, and he just smiles. "Yes, all of that. But…I don't know. You're so…easy to love."

"You…love me?" The confusion in your voice makes his chest ache. "I can't, uhm, I can't say I'm super well versed in the topic." He clears his throat, seeing your eyes become slightly glossy. "I just…I know that you feel right. I know that seeing you makes me less stressed. Nobody has been able to pull me away from my desk all week, Cheol had to physically drag me out earlier to eat something. I keep thinking back to our first night together, because the stress of some deadlines I have coming up is just driving me mad. But closing my eyes and just thinking about you, and knowing that you're not really this person you've painted for ages, I know. I think I feel closer to you, knowing that you've confided in me to keep this secret of yours, and I'm honored. I want to make you feel…wanted, needed. I want you to know that you are so much more than 'good enough.' If anything, I will never be enough for you, and I could spend the rest of my life working to earn you and your love." You're silent for a moment, taking in his words as your hands ghost over his. You give him a small smile, toying with the ring on his finger. "I should get you home." You murmur, and he smiles as he straightens, placing his hands on your back so you don't topple. "Anywhere you are is home, Y/N."

You don't respond, choosing to give him a chaste kiss. "We really need to get you home, I have to check on Chan." You speak against his lips, and he nods. "Fine, fine." The two of you get up, and Joshua files your lack of response into the back of his mind. Was it too much? Did he cross a line? 

The walk is quiet, but you're holding his hand tighter than you had on the stroll earlier. You're holding him closer, even holding onto his arm with your opposite hand and resting your head slightly on his shoulder. When you reach the frat, he unlocks the door to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan debriefing about Jeonghan's date on the couch. Jeonghan almost calls him over when he sees you float in after him, a loud whoo! from his mouth.

"Shut up!" You groan, gesturing up the stairs. "Chan is sleeping!" "Woo!" Jeonghan cheers again, albeit quieter, and you roll your eyes. Joshua takes your sweater off your shoulders, and you allow him to do so as he hangs them on the rack by the door. "How was your date, Jeonghan?" "Good! She was very sweet, good taste in music." He smiles softly, before glancing between you and Joshua. "Did you…talk?" He clears his throat, and you feel Joshua's hand on your back, his eyes looking up the stairs.

"We can debrief what happened between us…at a later date." You smile, and Jeonghan gives you a knowing look. Seungcheol sips his beer with a smirk, shaking his head as the two of you climb the stairs gingerly. "Check on Chan." Joshua whispers, kissing the back of your neck before turning to his room.

Knocking gently, you open the door to see Haerim watching him carefully. She's holding the thermometer in her hand, shaking it as she sighs. She doesn't startle when she sees you, a warm smile on her face as she holds it up. "Still mild fever." "No vomit, right?" You ask, closing the door behind you. She shakes her head, pointing at the empty stew bowl she brought. "He practically inhaled it." "Traitor, he didn't want to eat the porridge I brought him." You scoff, and she laughs. "How was…you know." She gestures in the direction of Joshua's room, and you feel yourself get a little giddy. She notices the wry smile on your lips, giving your arm a soft smack before nagging you. "What happened!" "He likes me." You shrug, biting back your squeal as she bounces on her toes with a toothy grin. "He likes you?!"

"Yes!" You giggle, bouncing with her, and Chan groans behind the two of you. You both clench your teeth shut, lowering your voices. "I'll update you some other time, okay? I'll be at his beck and call, so don't worry about Chan." Haerim nods, not bothering to probe before she hikes her knapsack over her shoulder. She leans, pressing a soft kiss to Chan's hairline, telling him she's leaving. He nods weakly, squeezing her hand before she pulls away. "Should I get one of the guys to walk you home?" You ask, and she shakes her head. "My roommate's been waiting for ages for me to call her. I'll see you on Monday?"

She walks towards the stairs, and you nod. "See you, Haerim." 

"Chan, I'm going home. Call me, or have one of the guys call me if you need anything." You call into the room, and he groans in response. You snort, grabbing your purse off his desk and carefully shutting the door, sighing as you take a few steps down the hall to Joshua's room. You knock lightly, opening the door when you hear him hum.

He's sitting in front of his laptop again, a frustrated look on his face as he connects a soundboard to his laptop, before feeling your presence. You smile at him, arms crossed before you speak, perching on the edge of his desk. "I'm going home."

"I know, I asked Cheol to walk you because I really need to focus." He says, a bit of sadness peeking through. You nod, "Thank you." "Can you text me when you get home?" His question is more of a demand, but you can see he's not trying to push it. "Yes, sir." You push off the desk, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck as he leans into his computer.

"Don't work yourself too hard, lover." You whisper in his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple before feeling his hand on your wrist, twisting his head to look at you. There's a soft blush coating his cheeks. "What'd you say?" "I said I'm going home." You change your expression to a stoic one, and he almost chokes on his laugh. "I'll see you on Monday." 

"Yeah, for sure." He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, "Let me walk you out, at least." "Don't kiss me in front of your friends." You warn, and he snorts. Standing, he watches as your arms drape to your sides before you clasp your hands in front of you before walking out into the hallway. You both barrel down the stairs, and hear Jeonghan whining over a bottle of tequila about his date. "She's so hot, Cheol, you don't get it." "I get it, I get it." Seungcheol replies distractedly, his eyes flickering up to you and Joshua reaching the foyer. "Ready to go, Y/N?" He stands, going to the closet to rummage for a jacket. "Yeah, thanks for doing this." You smile sheepishly, and Jeonghan looks up. "Oh, you're going home?" "Yeah, Chan's sleeping and…" You clear your throat, giving Joshua a quick glance. He catches on, "I'm busy. Doing shit. Important, you know."

"Tell us more about how you wouldn't be able to control yourselves, why don't you?" Jeonghan grimaces, and you snort. "This is why you're here, yearning for your date instead of being back at her apartment." "The hell is that supposed to mean!" He pouts, and Joshua snorts as he helps you pull your jacket on. "It means you're a bitch, Han."

"Don't make me tell Y/N all your dirty little secrets, Hong." Jeonghan tilts the shot glass in his direction, making you go wide eyed as Seungcheol returns, a blue and white varsity jacket draped over his shoulders. "Alright, let's scoot. The night is young." He stretches, and you smile at Jeonghan.

"Hope you get the girl, Hannie." You say softly, and his eyes soften. "Thanks, Y/N." "Bye, Joshua." You murmur as Seungcheol steps outside, muttering about the cold under his breath. Joshua looks to Jeonghan, who has his eyes closed, before pulling you into him. "One for the road?" You roll your eyes, "One for the road."

Thursday, December 29th.

The past two months had been a mess. Your parents had continuously dropped by randomly (and they dropped by the night of the Beta Tau Halloween rager), making both you and Saerom annoyed. She'd recently started seeing Jun (which kind of makes you grateful you're not in the apartment for their study sessions, who knows what freak shit they're on) and neither of you could study or rest in peace without feeling like they'd drop by.

Missing the party was the least of your worries, because you knew Joshua wasn't going to be involved in it anyway. He sent you a text from his desk, his guitar needing to be restrung because he couldn't pull himself away from his work. You'd told him to go for a walk.

Message From: Joshua Hong (TA) [11/03] What use is a walk if you're not there to kiss my worries away? You hadn't replied, opting to choose to scream into your pillow like a giddy teenaged girl.

In this time, you'd also managed to sit Saerom down and really speak to her about yourself. You told her that you didn't feel like yourself, and when she asked why, you broke out a bottle of wine and the two of you broke down the last few years of your lives. You admitted that you didn't want any part of your family's business, and Saerom had only given you a softened look.

"Don't pity me, Rom. You know I hate that shit.""I don't, my love. I don't pity you at all."

You'd cried quite a bit, and she'd just watched quietly and wiped your tears as they came. She understood, and she voiced that she thinks she would also do the same – the lying, the escapism, the misunderstandings. She apologized, saying she was sorry that she ever made you feel like you couldn't confide in her – smiling slightly when you said that she was never the problem, it was knowing that you'd be admitting to failure. She understood that, too.

The apartment felt more homey after that – Saerom took the time to go out and buy a few things she thought you'd like – a few constellation posters, a Lego set for you to build together of the Milky Way. She built the astronaut and NASA shuttle herself, placing those in your room when you texted her a few days after she bought them saying you'd had a rough day. She heard you crying in your room, only entering to comfort you when she heard you call her name.

These weeks were also particularly difficult because you'd seen less and less of Joshua. You never considered yourself the clingy type, and the Beta Tau brothers were definitely becoming more familiar with you as the days passed. You saw Joshua outside of class maybe twice, and it was once during office hours and once by going to the house to check on Chan right after Joshua admitted his feelings for you. He'd gotten a lot better, but you'd picked up his assignments from classes you didn't share so he wouldn't fall behind. He'd asked you what was going on between you and Joshua, and you just shrugged.

"We're taking it slow."

"Please don't fuck while I'm still sick, I don't want to hear it."

You and Joshua seemed to have no plans of doing so, it seems. Your schedules did not line up, and you could see him become slightly more stressed every time you saw him. Your classmates noticed something different about him, and you and Haerim just giggled in the back when he'd steal a glance at you. She never said anything to anyone, either.

Once school let out for the winter break (and you disappointedly passed Spanish with a B minus), you did everything in your power to avoid going home. You told your parents any lie you could grapple at – Saerom was sick, you were sick and didn't want to get them sick.

The truth? You just wanted to ring in the New Year with your…boyfriend? You didn't know what the two of you were, and you weren't afraid to admit that to yourself. He was graduating soon, and possibly taking a gap year before continuing his studies. You knew this much through texts – the one thing the two of you did have time for. He sent you voice notes on his way to anywhere, he'd send you pictures of the night sky before going to bed – asking if you could point out any constellations for him. 

Message From: Shua <3 [11:32pm] Are you home? [11:33pm] Before you answer this, is Saerom home? I don't feel like explaining myself, I just want to lay the fuck down.

You snort at his message, giggling to yourself at his new contact name. You don't know if you'll ever get used to it.

Message To: Shua <3 [11:33pm] Saerom went home for the break. Something about introducing Jun to her mom.

His reply is almost instant. Message From: Shua <3 [11:34pm] Open the door, I'm freezing.

From your seat on the couch, you hear Joshua groan behind the door and you laugh. Tossing your phone to the side, you quickly get up and unlock the door. You see a pouty Joshua holding a bag of takeout, eyelashes lightly coated in snow as he enters the apartment. "You hate me." He whines, and you snort.

"I can make you go back out in the cold, if you'd like." You shrug, making him scoff as you carefully unravel his scarf. He closes his eyes as you take his jacket, and yank his beanie off his head with no care. "When do I get my kiss? I haven't seen you since finals, I deserve a kiss."

"It's like, twenty minutes until your birthday. You can't wait?" You roll your eyes, feeling a ball of fabric hit your back. You look down to see his pink glove on the floor, making you scoff out a laugh. "Now you're definitely not getting a kiss." "Oh my Goooood, you hate me!" He pouts, grabbing your arm and pulling you close to him. You shake your head, gently nuzzling your nose to his cold one. "Not one bit." You still hadn't told Joshua you loved him. Granted, the two of you were not dating and hadn't properly seen each other in literal ages – as much as 'ages' can be for two idiots in love. 

"Why are you dressed like this? And why have I never been here before? This place is cool." He looks around, spotting the astronomy figurines Saerom had started getting for you, the walls covered in photos of you together and he spots the photo of you and your parents gathering dust on one of the shelves. He doesn't mention it.

"Dressed like what? My pajamas?" You look down, and he tugs at the seam of your shorts. "Rather…provocative." "Shut the fuck up, it's almost bed time." You roll your eyes, swatting his hand away from the bare skin of your thighs. He smiles amusedly, planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, before peppering them all over your face. His lips meet yours lightly, a chaste taste of his strawberry lip balm lingering on your plush lips as he pulls away.

"The bag is just mochi. I already had dinner." He says sheepishly, and you shrug. "I did, too. To be honest, I wasn't expecting company." "I didn't think you'd stayed on campus." He nods, and you sigh with a sad smile. "Don't wanna see my parents." "Right. How's that going?" He asks, pulling you to the couch with one hand. You let him lay down, pulling you on top of him. Your knees hug his hips as you straddle him, his hands resting high on your thighs. "It's…going. I should call them, but I really don't want to–" You hear the doorknob wiggle, tensing in Joshua's hold as you turn. The lock turns, and your muttered whisper of fuck makes all the alarms in Joshua's mind go off. You climb off of him as the door is pushed open, and you can feel your skin heat in embarrassment as your mother scoffs, stepping into the apartment. Joshua carefully slides off the couch, stepping next to you.

"Jesus, she keeps this place a mess." She groans, looking at the bag of takeout on your dinner table. She hasn't seen you yet, placing her giant designer bag on a chair as your father comes in behind her. "All you do is judge the girl, no wonder she doesn't want to come home." He rolls his eyes, but they land on you – standing with beet red cheeks and an equally embarrassed Joshua by your side. Your father's eyes dart to the link between you – Joshua's hand gingerly interlocking your fingers. You don't speak, and he looks at Joshua's eyes filled with slight worry.

"Can you go get her? She's probably holed up in her room, looking at those stupid mo– Who the fuck are you?" Your mother has turned now, her narrowed eyes on Joshua before landing on you. "Who the fuck is that? You said you were sick, and you have company over?" Your throat is dry, and you feel frozen when Joshua steps in front of you, shielding you from your parents' view. "You must be Y/N's parents. I've heard a lot about you, I'm Joshua."

He extends his hand, and your father eyes it before taking it, shaking it firmly. "Nice grip you got there, son." Your mother scoffs, tugging her scarf off her neck with a visceral anger. Joshua can feel you cower behind him, your fingers gripping onto the back of his shirt. "Joshua what? What do you do for a living?" He clears his throat, watching as your mother walks around the apartment without taking her shoes off, taking down stuff from the walls. "Joshua Hong. I'm a producer." He lies through his teeth, and your mother scowls as she sees the Lego version of the Milky Way hung right by your bathroom. She takes it down, tossing it carelessly on the couch.

"A producer? You won't make much money." 

"That's enough." Your father speaks up, and sees you peer at him from behind Joshua. "What are you to Y/N? Boyfriend?" "Not allowed!" Your mother announces, her hands now occupied by your opened mail. Bills, bills, a credit card statement, bills…and your summer internship at the Korea Astronomy and Space Institute.

"I am…her boyfriend." Joshua whispers, losing a bit of confidence as your mother angrily walks back to your foyer. "What's this?" She holds the acceptance letter up, your eyes shutting closed as you see it in her hand. "Fuck." You murmur behind Joshua, and your mother begins to read it aloud.

"Esteemed Miss Kang, it is with great pride that we award you with the July KASI internship studying plasma physics." She crumples the paper slightly in her fist, and your father pries it from her hold as you step out from behind Joshua, and she really lays it on you.

"We told you from the start that these silly little dreams about space and stars were not going to happen. You are the sole heir to the companies, the properties, you have to continue the family business. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about paying us back for everything we've given you, and continue to supply you with? Don't you get that this is not an option?" She's not yelling, but her words cut deep as you nod slowly, the words tumbling out before you can stop to think about them properly. "I don't care." Your mother looks taken aback, and you feel your stomach flip as you clear your throat. "I don't care about properties, or companies. I don't care about money, or marrying for wealth. I…" You breathe in shakily, and Joshua instinctively puts his hands on your shoulders, an act not unseen by your mother's beady eyes.

"I don't care about being part of a family that is fueled by greed. I can't do it anymore. I hope that…you find another fit." The last part comes out as a bit of a sob, and you cover your mouth quickly. Your mother is fuming, and she turns to your father, who is silently reading the letter in his hands.

"I didn't know you liked plasma physics." He murmurs, and you feel Joshua's fingers squeeze your shoulders lightly. "I didn't even know what you were studying, if I'm being honest." Your father admits sheepishly, smoothing the crumpled edge of the sheet carefully. 

"This is a very hard program to get into. I would know," Your father holds the letter out to you, and you reach to take it, holding the corner gingerly in your fingers. "You would know?" Joshua echoes, and your father nods.

"I applied. I got the June internship for aerospace engineering, my best friend was so jealous." You don't know the last time you saw your father smile. "I'm…proud of you. I know it's a little late in saying that, I've been quite the absent father.I guess, I can't even really say father."

Your mother is tapping her foot, garnering your attention again. "Whatever rebel strike you're on isn't cute, Y/N. I've got investors waiting to meet you, wanting to draw up contracts, to build new properties with your name across the front." Your father sighs, shaking his head as he looks at the two of you again. "Joshua, could you give us a moment?" 

You turn to look at him, your eyes pleading him not to leave. He gives you a sorry smile, squeezing your shoulders before kissing your hairline. "I'll be in your room." He murmurs, and you nod, watching as he walks away, slipping into the only open door in the hallway. He shuts it behind him. 

Your father sighs, leaning against the door frame. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

You can feel your eyes widen as far as they go, your mother flushing furiously. "Can I ask why?" "It's none of your business." She grits, and your father scoffs. "I'm selling the company. I'm tired, Y/N. Being in business is not what I want to do." He shakes his head, and you try to bite back a smile.

"It's not?"

"No. I'm donating the money to the Aerospace Engineering program here, actually." He gestures around you, indicating the University. You feel your lips tug into a smile, your father's warm eyes matching yours. "I don't understand why you can't just leave the company in Y/N's name so she can take over when we're both dead and gone. At least it sets up a stable future for her!" "She won't be happy, Bora! That's why I can't do that. Nothing in this life means anything if we're not happy." He groans frustratedly, and you feel almost taken aback by your father's words. He'd always been a silent man – a bit cold, with two friends and love for one thing: baseball. 

And space, you now know.

"This is fucking ridiculous. I cannot leave my investors hanging, and I refuse to hand over my properties to someone I don't even know!" Your mother is exasperated, and you almost want to laugh at how you and your father shrug simultaneously. 

"Whatever." She grumbles, snatching her purse off the chair, pulling it over her shoulder. She gives you a nasty look, "I assume this means you will also bail on meeting the Mins' youngest son? Yoongi has been waiting to meet you." 

"Yoongi can shove it." You shrug, and she just shakes her head in disappointment – but for once…you don't care. She slams out of your apartment, her scarf flung over the back of your couch. Your father gives you a gentle smile, and you return it. 

"I'm sorry for not being a better father to you, Y/N. I should have tried harder." He laments, and you see his eyes begin to gloss over with tears. You step forward, enveloping him in a loose hug. "I think…standing up for me and what you believe in, is a step in the right direction. I haven't been a very present daughter, either."

He laughs shakily, giving you a tight squeeze. "How about you and I get dinner in the next few days? You can even bring Joshua, I kind of like that kid." He mumbles, and you feel your stomach flutter at the mention of your…boyfriend's name. "I'll check our calendars and shoot you a text, okay?" "For sure, kid." He pulls away, softly patting your head. "I'll see you, okay?" "Yeah. See you." You nod, opening the door for him. He leaves with another word, your mother's scarf in his hand as he exits your apartment. You feel a wave of relief wash over you, but bite back your tears as you lock the door and march to your bedroom. Opening the door, you see Joshua flopped diagonally across your bed, phone in his hand.

It's twenty minutes past midnight, and the date reads December 30th.

"Hey, you." He looks over his shoulder, and watches as you pin the acceptance letter to the corkboard above your dresser. You put your hands on your hips, staring at it with a bit more content in your heart. 

"Hey, boyfriend." You say, turning to face him. His ears turn pink, and he sits up. "It just came out, okay? I'm sorry, I know I haven't even taken you out to dinner or anything but I really, really–" You crash your lips to his, pushing him back onto your bed as you straddle him. "Yeah, yeah. No need for explanations." You peel your shirt off, tossing it to the side as he looks at you with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Happy birthday, lover."

Saturday, May 6th.

"Joshua Hong." 

You cheer loudly from the stands as he crosses the stage, watching his cheeks tinge pink as he hears you over the clapping and yelling from his fraternity. He smiles as the photographer takes his picture, before looking up at the stands to find you. You wave excitedly, and his eyes brighten all the more. I love you, he mouths.

I'm proud of you, you mouth back. Wimp.

– ☆ –

"Hey, gorgeous. You a tourist?" You're standing at the bar of the same salsa club you and Joshua danced at last summer when you hear Joshua's voice behind you, and you struggle not to roll your eyes. The two of you only stayed at the graduation long enough to watch Jeonghan cross the stage, before Cheol texted the group and said he was sneaking out. 

The three of them had booked a last-minute trip…back to Puerto Vallarta.

"The city where you fell in love!" Cheol teased as the group loaded into the car, with you sitting on Joshua's lap in the backseat. Saerom was sitting next to you, and Junhui was giggling at the redness of your cheeks as the pair of douchebags teased you to no end. It didn't matter though – you felt Joshua smile into your shoulder as the group pulled into the airport.

"Yeah, I am. Are you?" You played his game, waiting until he finally came into your line of vision with the same baby blue guayabera you first saw him in. Your stomach flutters lightly as his hand ghosts your back. "Nah, I've been here before. Got my heart broken by a cute thing, she looked a little like you." "Alright, that's enough roleplay you weirdo." You scoff, shoving his hand away from you as he laughed, He stepped slightly closer, ignoring your faux annoyance. "Right, right…I know some cool places here, if you'd care to join me." His eyes twinkle something mischievous as the bartender slides you your drink. You take it with a thank you, before sighing and linking your arm with Joshua's. "Do you, now?" "I do. There's some pretty hammocks down the beach, you can see all the stars right now." He glances up at the sky as the two of you leave the club, your shoes clutched in his hand as your toes sink into the warm sand. You smile up at him, "What do you know about stars?" "Someone very special once told me a story about two lovers who couldn't be…and they reside in these very stars." He points at the sky, and you nod. "You know, I once heard a story like that, but they were involved in Greek mythology." You stare up at the sky, when you reach the hammock the two of you shared that first night.

"Really? Was it about Orpheus and Eurydice? I love that one." He smiles as he helps you on, fixing the skirt of your dress to cover your legs more. "Your star-crossed lovers, were they Altair and Vega?"

"So you do know stars." He slides in, and you rest your head on his chest. "I do. Love them, actually." "You're my brightest star." He murmurs, kissing your forehead lightly as his hand maps out the Lyra constellation. "It's so pretty, isn't it?" Looking back down at you, he sees the gloss over your eyes and sits up. "Babe! Don't cry, oh my God–" "I love you." You blurt, watching as his brows raise, his ears tinging pink in the low light of the moon. He lays back down slowly, and you scrunch your face before sitting up and looking down at him. "Hello? Big moment here, asswipe?" "Just a second." He smiles painfully, and your brows only furrow more. "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"I'm hard." He whispers, making you glance down. "Don't look at it! What's wrong with you!" He pouts as you burst into laughter, your hand resting on his stomach as you muffle your laughter with his shoulder.  "It's not funny."

"You're such a LOSER!"

Pulling back, you wipe at your eyes, catching your breath.

"But you love me too, right?" You ask, peering down at him as he rolls his eyes, smiling widely. He brings you closer to him, his lips ghosting over yours as he speaks softly.

"I love you so much, I'd bring down the stars if you asked me to."

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[lishens]

ʚɞ ⁺ ˖ ⸝⸝ ꒰⠀THE APPLE OF HIS EYE⠀꒱

He leans forward, resting his forehead against hers and breathes in what she breathes out. Caleb can be content with just this, he thinks. But even the snake was never content with just watching Eve frolic in the garden. What more of a mere man like him?

pseudo-incest. fem!reader is a virgin. dubious consent. caleb has an obvious thing for being the big brother in this dynamic. slight guilt. overuse of endearments and the term "girl" when it comes to describing reader. mild nipple play. fingering. pussydrunk!caleb. praise. slight mean!caleb.

“Why do you look at me like that?” It is a question that comes softly, almost sweetly from the girl perched above his lap. Caleb feels his heart swell, almost to the point of aching. She is his entire world, has been upon first sight as nothing more than children, but in this closeness where the space between them is almost nonexistent? Caleb can barely resist the urge to press his lips all over her face, leaving a mark on her in the same way she did with him.

All he does is smile, arms around her waist tightening like he cannot bear to part. In the silence inside his mind, he can admit freely that he will never survive without her. Everyone would say that it is a given, after all, they are siblings.

With their grandmother now gone, they only have each other to rely on. Family is where one must draw strength, their love and support the energy necessary to keep an individual going. But not like this, Caleb knows that much. Brothers do not lust after their sisters, should not want them in the way a man wants a woman. But he does. By all the stars above, he does.

A sharp inhale, letting the scent of her fill his lungs, then a whisper, “you’re just the prettiest thing I have ever seen.” An understatement, if there ever is one. Even goddesses in the heavens cannot compare.

The love that he has for his little sister is an immoral thing that would be sickening to any other. Caleb knows and understands, but he would rather sink into depravity than let go of her, of his feelings, and the hold that he has on her. It is only by small mercies, fate looking upon him kindly, that she never pushes him away.

He leans forward, resting his forehead against hers and breathes in what she breathes out.

Caleb can be content with just this, he thinks. But even the snake was never content with just watching Eve frolic in the garden. What more of a mere man like him?

The sound of her small exhalation laced with far too much affection fills him with life, it makes him move closer, their breaths mingling until they are breathing the same air — like he is a man drawn to her by some inexplicable thread. He is, and he always will be. “Am I?” She dares to ask, like she is not the most beautiful thing in his world, the only thing that lightens his days. She dares to ask, like the answer is not in the way his eyes can never be far from where she is, like it is not obvious how he gets tongue-tied in her presence, like his devotion can ever be questioned when it comes to her.

“Of course,” he whispers, lips curving into a smile. Warmth floods his very marrows, like liquid light and liquid love combined. A hand travels from her waist, to the side of her ribs, then to her jaw. He stares at her, the sun of his universe, and dares to caress the skin beneath her eye.

They are so close that Caleb feels like weeping, it has been so long since they have been this intimate, the only kind of intimacy he will ever get from his sister. It is enough, it has to be enough.

It is not enough.

They have always been a ticking time bomb, one wrong spark and they explode like a house of cards, of false families and relation threads that they never agreed to, crumbling down to ashes.

“Sweet enough to make my head spin,” comes the soft murmur, leaning in to press a kiss on the corner of her lips. Caleb wants to say more and do more, to confess how he truly feels, but something holds him back — society, expectations, the rules he created to keep himself in check. But his restraint is rapidly fraying, a noose choking his neck. “My darling girl, my pretty girl.”

His heart beats like the fluttering of a hummingbird’s wings, each throb echoing the truth of his words. He loves her like he loved no other, like he will love no other. It is her or no one at all.

A muffled noise, the sound of pure delight. Caleb hears her laugh and wants to bottle the sound, keep it safe forever. “Yours?” She asks in a small voice, hesitance in the way she looks at him, and something in him just shatters.

She can doubt the rest of the world, but she must never doubt his feelings.

It is a question that does not require an answer, his constant presence beside her speaking for itself, but he needed her to understand how much she means to him. “You are,” Caleb confirms, voice low and almost stern. He captures her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it upwards so they can stare into each other’s eyes and she sees the truth of his words. There is no room for doubt in his heart, his mind, and his soul.

“Really?” She asks, like she cannot believe that she is so precious to her big brother. Her eyes are wide, almost in awe at the mere thought of his need to possess her.

The lines begin to blur, brother and sister, man and woman — a yearning heart to another heart that wants. But maybe, they have been blurred since the very beginning. Maybe, they have always been doomed, their fates written in a way that they will be made to devour each other one way or another.

“Really,” he insists, a hint of frustration seeping into the tone. Caleb leans forwards, having to take a deep breath to calm himself. “Foolish girl, you have to understand,” he trails off, the words not rising, struggling to find the correct ones — the ones that will speak the truth of the enormity of his feelings. How can he ever dare speak of what he feels without scaring her? How can he ever convey them in a way that is enough, that encompasses all that he feels when no words seem suitable? A long pause, having to take a deep breath that sounds loud as a bang in the tension between them. “You have always been mine, not my sister, never as my sister. You have always been the sun in my universe, the bright star in which I revolve around. I’m nothing without you, the life inside of me cannot exist without your presence. I am yours, just as much as you are mine.”

Silence ensues, his eyes desperate to see anything from her features — it can be hatred, disgust, anger. Anything, anything at all. He dares not to hope, not when his feelings do not require to be returned.

“Caleb,” she begins, tone soft and gentle like soothing a spooked animal, and he feels his breath get caught in his lungs. “Caleb, I love you. I have always loved you and it scared me sometimes.”

A sigh of disbelief comes falling, then joy. An overwhelming sense of relief soon washes over him at the admission as it finally sinks into his mind what she just said. Hope surges upwards, overtaking all of his sense of reason. He holds her cheeks between gentle palms, thumbs rubbing gently on the warm skin.

“Hush, it’s okay to be scared,” he coos, tucking a stray strand behind her ear, keeping his touch soft and careful. “But you have to trust in me, in us. Can you do that for me, sweet girl?”

Sharp gaze tracks the way she bites on her bottom lip, considering his request. It is obvious how terrified she is by this change, but also incredibly tempted. It is new territory, but not only for her, also for Caleb. Her trust in him wins out in the end, her head nodding once then twice, shaky hands reaching to hold on to his shoulders. “Yeah, I think— I think I can, b-but I don’t know how.”

Relieved, he leans in much closer until their lips are barely a hair's breadth from one another. “Just follow my lead, okay?” The tone of his voice is low, reassuring. Palm moving from her cheek down to her throat, trapping it in his grip in a gentle hold. Caleb presses his thumb right above her pulse, just to feel her heartbeat against his skin. It is not even a want, it is a need.

He soon tilts her head upwards, letting their lips meet in a tender press.

The world turns quiet, and he can almost weep from the joy just one kiss can bring him. The guilt exists in the periphery, but it is easily ignored in favour of her skin against his.

How can he ever think of anything else when he has her on his lap like this?

Caleb pours all of his love, his desires, into the kiss in hopes that she can feel the depths of his feelings. His teeth scrape the plush brim, tugging on it just to hear her whine, and whine she does. A low groan comes in response, his hand moving even further downwards to pull her even closer, a bruising grip on her hips.

He wants to devour her, to consume her entirely, but this is new for the both of them and he does not want to overwhelm her.

Fraying control makes Caleb move gentler, more coaxing than demanding. A sensual rhythm that cares not for her inexperience, just wanting her to enjoy the act of kissing him, of feeling all his love.

Breaking the kiss just enough to catch his breath, he pulls away from her mouth to look at her with hunger, pupils dilated as he marvels at how she responds. “Pretty fucking thing,” he hisses, more to himself than to her. The hardness of his arousal pressing insistently between her legs, evidence of his growing need.

“You make me feel things,” she trails off, looking away from Caleb as she struggles to find the right words, “things I never felt before.”

The heat on her cheeks seems to further warm from embarrassment at how wanton she appears. It makes him warm inside, even more when she does not dare pull away, does not dare break the intimate connection of their bodies. “I know what you mean, it’s nothing I’ve ever felt before either.”

His hands start to wander, slipping beneath the hem of her shirt to caress the skin of her lower back. Caleb marvels at her softness, the warmth of her flesh. Slowly, and with utmost care, he begins to move his hands higher to map the contours of her body; lips trail hot, open-mouthed kisses along the column of her throat. When she squirms, he makes shushing noises, “it’s okay, we can take our time.” But he still tugs her shirt off, exposing the bare expanse of her torso.

The sight of the swell of her breasts, peeking above the neckline of her bra, makes his mouth turn dry and he has to swallow hard.

“Gods,” he croaks out, instinctively leaning forward to mouth at her collarbone. “You’re so gorgeous, prettiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”  Caleb’s palm moves to cup her breast, sliding underneath the pad of her bra to brush his thumb over her nipple, watching with delight as she twitches in response.

Impatient, he pushes her bra down until it bunches around her waist. Surging forward, he takes a nipple into his mouth without care for her squirming. He suckles on it gently, teasing the bud with his tongue at the same time his fingers pinch and twist the other. Free hand travels down her stomach, dipping into the waistband of her shorts to explore the dripping folds of her core.

He can already tell how wet she is, how ready she is to take him.

“Oh, baby,” he coos. “You’re so messy.”

It is a mockery, and Caleb can feel how much she likes his words by the way she practically flutters around his fingers. Dirty girl, he thinks to himself. The digits trace the slit, moving them back and forth until his fingertips are soaked with her arousal before rubbing tight circles on her sensitive little nub just to hear her sing.

“Just let go, baby. Feel everything for me, hm? Don’t think, let me take care of you.”

He slides a finger, just one, curling it to hit that spot that makes her see stars. When she wails, tears pricking her pretty eyes, Caleb cannot resist the urge to grin. “Found it,” and it is with relentless attention that he moves his hand back and forth, never letting more than two knuckles be free from her heat.

She thrashes above his lap, trembling from the overwhelming sensation assaulting all her senses. A sharp cry echoes in their living room, salty wetness dripping down her cheeks as she struggles to breathe through the intensity. Every single time Caleb pulls his finger back, he watches as she gasps and shakes her head. “It’s too much,” she weeps. “I can’t— I can’t!”

Instead of stopping, Caleb only laughs meanly. All his vows of treating her gently had flown out of the window the moment he felt her tight cunt around his finger.

“No, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of her eye, tasting her tears. “It’s not too much. Trust me, okay? Trust your big brother to take care of you.” It is those words that send her falling over the edge, soaking his lap with her release as she cums with a strangled cry.

Coaxing her gently through the aftershocks, he soon brings his fingers to his mouth. Caleb smiles sweetly, before licking her arousal clean off of his fingers.

“Delicious.”

He cannot wait to feel her cunt wrap around his cock. This is his reward for being patient, it is what he deserves, and Caleb will never let her go.

© lishens ( 2024 ): do not claim, modify, copy or repost my works without permission. minors do not interact.

[milkmily]

Invitation [Zayne]

Zayne x non mc! reader

Sum. You and Zayne got an invitation to a wedding, but it was to attend the wedding of the people you two love, both heartbroken. (Angst(?), a bit of Sylus x reader, nothing romantic happens in this chapters yet, There is comfort in a way ig idk guys I suck at this lol enjoy)

Layla is MC (my oc) to clear things up :) Also sorry if there are typos I did re read but at times I sometimes miss some even if I do re read it lol. Also me posting this after we got a new 5 star card released!? Craazzyyy lol I am definitely getting Zayne and Caleb on everyone's soul.

Here | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 ->

Zayne is in love with Layla, his soulmate. The one who he is distant To be, the one who he loves and cherishes. She was his destiny. But when he had gotten the letter to her wedding, he was just devastated. This wasn't supposed to go like this. This was one of the universes that he'd get to change the fate of it all, to finally be with her.

And here he stands at the wedding, both Sylus and Layla dancing together slowly. She married a man named Sylus. He's heard of him from times that Layla would go to his office to spend time with him. He didn't think much of it really. He thought that they were just friends. She always meets someone new with how kind she is. But never did he think that this would happen. He was happy, well, not truly happy.

He looks down at the glass of champagne he had at his hand. He sighs and sits down, no longer standing the sight of seeing the love of his life dance with someone else. He should be happy for God's sake! If he loves her he should. But…he just simply couldn't. The soft slow music still played as there was a small crowd watching them dance. “You came here for the bride Or the groom?” He heard someone say. He turned to his right and saw you. He's seen you before. You are one of Layla's friends. He just never knew your name or talked to you. “The bride…” he said as he fixed his glasses. You hummed and sat next to him. “You don't seem to enjoy the celebration.” Was it that obvious?

“No, I am. I've been told I just look cold.” He says back to you as his eyes move to look at Layla and Sylus. Your eyes moved too to look at the two newlyweds. “I'm here for the groom.” You say. “He's my boss.” You chuckled. “Layla has told me about you. She says you're her doctor.” So she does talk about him. He looked at you and nodded. But Your eyes were still glued to the happy couple that danced. Your eyes, they showed pain and hurt, maybe even betrayal? The same exact feelings he himself feels. They also were a bit puffy, had you cried for them because you were happy for them? “You also look like you aren't enjoying the celebration.” He says. You snapped and looked at him. “It's that obvious? Jeez…” you sighed. “Not really a big fan of crowds.” He wasn't sure but it seemed like a lie to him.

“I am Zayne.” He says. You smiled at him and said your name. Ah, that's your name. It suits you.

It was 4 am when you woke up. You took a shower, got ready, made breakfast and got ready for work. You sat down on your desk and saw A small white envelope. You smiled, already knowing who it was.

You flipped it and it had his name on it. Sylus. You hummed, wondering what it might have been and opened it. You take out the letter and read it. Your eyes went wide as you saw the two names next to each other and the big words that said, You're invited to our wedding.

You see the names again and your stomach starts to hurt. Married? Sylus and Layla?

You re Read it to be right and even check the date to see if it was some stupid prank that Layla had pulled. But no, it wasn't April 1 and it definitely was real as it had below Sylus signature you knew so well.

This hurt, seeing the letter at hand. “So, will you be coming, dear?” You looked up to see Sylus leaning on the desk. You looked down at the letter. Seeing him hurt even more now. “Yes, of course. How could I miss it?” You say yet, your tone cracked a bit. you Were trying so hard to hold in your tears. You start to cough In hopes that Sylus thought you'd simply gotten a cold. “That's good to know.” He Smiled. “You don't need to worry about the dress or anything, I'll have it ready. They just need to measure you and that's all.” You looked up at him, his red eyes Looking right back at you. Of course he'd do that, he always does. And that's what you loved about him, one of the many things you loved about him.

“Okay…thank you.” You smiled. “Um, I'll be right back.” You say and excuse yourself. You go into the restroom, lock the door and sit down on the floor as you hold on to the letter. You just start to sob uncontrollably as you hold the letter and reread it every single time. It waa true. It was real. And it hurt so much.

You have loved Sylus for so long. His gestures, the way he talked, walks, the way he is is what made you fall in love. His touch is so soft that you'd Wish for more from just his single shoulder squeeze Or the hold he had on you as you two had danced together that one night having to pretend to be a couple on a mission. The night you two stared into each other's eyes, your heart beating quick and fast as he had that smile On his face that made you melt. Or the times he'd invite you out to eat dinner, showed you his vinyl collections and heard his horrible singing That made you laugh and made him chuckle. Everything of him you loved and had wished it would have been your name on the card.

The dress was beautiful, it truly was. Sylus knew what would look good on you, always. The wedding was beautiful and welcoming. Everything was beautiful. Even Layla. Her gorgeous wedding dress and the huge Smile in her face as she walked down the aisle. The tears she shed as she heard Sylus vows was even beautiful. And how Sylus looked at her with such loving eyes as she read her vows. But it hurt. You don't know how many times you had to excuse yourself just to cry alone in the bathroom.

You had just gotten done crying, walking back to the party to see the groom and bride dancing together To a slow and soft song. You watched them and just smiled at them. No matter how much you wished and vision it was you, the reality never changes and it will stay like this. You saw someone sitting alone and approached them. Might as well make new friends, no? As you got closer you noticed, this was Dr. Zayne. The Doctor that Layla talked About a lot, her childhood friend and primary doctor. You sat down next to him and ask, “You came here for the bride Or the groom?” You already knew the answer but it's the best way to start a conversation no? You saw he wasn't enjoying the celebration much but maybe that's just how he Looks? So you ask and he explains that it's just how he looks. But to you, it felt like a lie.

You looked back at the dancing married couple, but more at Sylus. His arm wrapped around her waist, exactly how he had held you that night as you two danced, his other Hand holding her hand, fingers intertwined, exactly How you gwo held hands as well and-

“You also look like you aren't enjoying the celebration.” You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at him, smiling nervously. You were caught so off guard. “It's that obvious? Jeez…” you sighed. You Just came up with some stupid excuse. “Not really a big fan of crowds.

“I am Zayne.” He says. You smiled at him and said your name back to him. Zayne nods. And You two just talk, as if the crowd was never there, as if you two were never at a wedding. As if you were never heart broken.

You two ended up talking the whole wedding party. You'd laugh at his stupid and horrible jokes because come on, they were actually funny. And he'd Laugh at your horrible jokes as well. You told him about Sylus and how he was as a boss and he told you about Layla and how it was growing up with her.

“You two are here to talk or for the celebration?” You two looked at who talked and it was Layla. She was smiling at you two and you awkwardly looked away. “Both…?” You say and she laughed. “Come on! You two have to dance or something! You two are boring.”

“Now Kitten, you already know how [Name] is, she doesn't like dancing.” He says as he had two glasses of champagne at hand. You embarrassingly looked away as he said that. Well, now Zayne knows too. “Zayne here is the same.” Layla says and now Zayne looks away as well. You two looked at each other and chuckled. Layla holds her hand out towards Zayne and he takes it. Suddenly he's pulled away and you laugh at how wide His eyes got. Suddenly a big hand is Held at front of you. “Care for a dance?” He asks and you look up at him. Your heart beats fast And place your hand on top of his.

The song was slow like last Time. Some guests were dancing as well. Sylus wrapped his arms around your waist and you placed your hands on his shoulders to keep a distance. You two slowly dance and you just stare at his chest. “You're hiding something from me.” He says. You say nothing because It's true. You're hiding so much from him right now. “You Can tell me.” He says. You close your eyes as you hold back the tears. “Look up at me.” He says and you do, you open your eyes and they slowly adjust Themselves. You saw Sylus Smiling down at you as he slowly moves along with you.

“Tell me.” He whispers. He truly does care about you.

“I can't right now.” You say. It would be horrible To confess your feelings on his wedding day. What type of person does that? “When will you?” he asks. “When it's the right Time.” You say and continue to dance with him. He brought you closer, your head in his chest now, hearing the soft heart beats and you closed your eyes. You simply let the moment happen.

Zayne looked over at you and Sylus and as Sylus Slowly turns, he saw a tear slide down your cheek as your ear was pressed against his ches. He looked away and looks down at Layla as she danced along with him.

She was gorgeous, really. She looked so beautiful with the white dress she had on, how she had her hair up in a big bun with some curls out and her bands To the side. She is So gorgeous. Is this how she Would of looked if They got married? Would she hold him exactly how she held Sylus when they danced? Kissed him the same way? This was wrong, truly wrong. But he cannot stop how he feels, he's human after all. Layla looked up at him and smiled, “You're thinking right now Zayne, what is it?”

“Nothing.” He says as he smiles softly down at her. “Hmmm, it better not be work related. At my wedding, work is not welcomed.” She said and giggled. Zayne Chuckles and shakes his head. “No, it's not work. Don't worry.” He says. “I'll try to visit you as much as I can, Dr. Zayne. And I won't miss any appointments either.” She says, reassuring him. He nods and says, “Good to hear.”

“Thank you for coming.” She says as she looks at him. “Really, it means a lot that you're here.” But if only she knew that he felt like a damn storm right now. He nodded at her and they continued to dance. That's when Sylus Tapped his shoulder and said, “I'll have to steal her from you now.” Layla let's go of Zayne and he watched her leave with Sylus so they'd dance together. That's when he saw you standing as well. You looked hurt too. The same pain as his. And right then and there, he knew you were Also in love.

He walks up To you and asks, “you really don't like to dance?” You looked at him and shrugged. “It really depends..” He held his hand out and asked, “do you want to dance?” you looked at his hand and held it. He slowly brings you closer to him and holds you. You closed your eyes as you Pressed your ear against his chest and danced with him. He looked down at you and saw you shaking. “It's okay.” He whispers. And it breaks you. You let out soft and quiet Sobs as you danced with him. He holds you a bit more tighter, reassuring you. You held on to him as you two danced and felt him let out a shaky sigh.

Well, now he knows it wasn't because you didn't like big crowds. And you now knew that it wasn't because of his expression.

You two were truly broken.

There will be a part two :)

[traumatrios]

the name of the game

pairing… dodge mason x fem!reader

wc… 2.3k

summary… you don’t talk to strangers— but there’s something different about dodge. was it his charm? his looks? or the way you couldn’t get him off of your mind?

warnings… ends in smut, face riding, drinking (not drunk sex), iconic red cowboy boots, brief pain pleasure, dodge is soooo delusional

josie’s notes! um i kinda don’t remember how panic ended for dodge (i finished it a week ago) so take the beginning plot with a grain of salt

otherwise enjoy my lovelies ❤️

Dodge didn’t have many friends to begin with, but with most of the kids his age out of Cape and attending college, he did feel quite lonely. 

He’s not a stranger to the fact that college wasn’t in the cards for him– he had too many responsibilities. He knew his sister could very much take care of herself, but lazy Sunday’s on the couch next to her was where his heart truly belonged. 

His mother needed help managing the restaurant, because as much as she prided herself for her hardworking motherhood and independence, he saw the breath of relief she had whenever he was there.

He was perfectly fine as a blue collar working adult. What did he need college for anyway? It was too expensive, especially after the necessary but monetarily disappointing ending to Panic. He was too old to apply now.

Dodge took his time off of working at his bar to nurse the foam of a beer from another in a neighboring town. 

Was this really what his future was? He was dangerously nearing a seat in the same boat as the men surrounding him in the ambience of the dive bar: old (21) with a family at home (he was unattached with a sister and a single mother 5 minutes away from his apartment). 

Dodge might as well accept it; this was his destiny.

But the glimmer of fate came to him through a vision he wasn’t sure whether he was imagining from the wild dreams in his head or the material of a Playboy magazine. 

The mechanical bull sitting in the middle of the recreational space of the bar with a pretty girl attached to its saddle.

Dodge couldn’t tell if you were a saddle bronc rider (like himself) or just intensely familiar with your hips. You rode the mechanical bull like it was a kids bicycle with training wheels.

But with how you grinded against the fur of the mechanical bull with the rhythm it was bucking, he landed on the latter.

It was entrancing to look at, he admitted. The winks you sent into the collecting audience only strengthened his hopes of getting one shot at him. 

The mechanics continued to whir and spin you around, pathetic attempts to throw you off of the attraction you were obviously very skilled at riding. Have you been here before? Has he just never noticed you?

How could he never notice you.

Before he knew it, Dodge was leaning against the inflatable rim of the attraction, eyes wide in awe of your performance. One hand gripped the braided rope attached to the nape of the bull’s neck whilst the other waved in the air freely to your girlfriends, who had been screaming your name in the same way Dodge heard it yelled by paparazzi during award shows his sister watched on the weekends through the television.

The moderator of the attraction seemed just as impressed as anyone else watching you, even holding the twinge of suspicion some kept in the quirk of their brow. A crowd eventually formed around your performance, whistling and cheering you on as the meat of your calves squeezed the sides of the bull’s stomach.

Dodge thinks he heard a “yee haw!” come from the intoxicated group of guys (no younger than 30) stuffed in a booth attached to the wall facing your ass.

Bright digits flashed on the screen beside the control booth, announcing the new high score of Big Star Bar. 2 minutes and 36 seconds.

As you unmounted the artificial bull, Dodge didn’t pull his eyes away from you like the rest of the crowd did. You weren’t a one hit wonder, he had to know your secrets. What was a girl with hips like yours doing in a random dive bar in Texas?

Dodge wasn’t sure how to approach you, especially after losing you in the crowd of girls in identical cowboy hats and guys in flannel. He was lucky enough to skin his eyes over the bar and spot your sparkling red boots tapping and gliding against the dingy dance floor.

The boy filed through the crowd until the heat in the air turned from heavy to sweaty dance floor heavy. 

Dodge scanned the horseshoe— painted? —on the back of your jean jacket and how it paired with your cowboy boots. It felt like something out of a movie, seeing your outfit.

“This your first rodeo?” he greeted, though from his stance behind your back, he wasn’t surprised by the small jump in your shoulders. But when you turned around, you were just as beautiful up close than you were on that damn bull. Dodge noticed the thick pieces of glitter scattered across your collarbone and how it seemed to match with the other girls in your party.

“Sorry. I don’t talk to strangers,” you shrugged, offering Dodge a friendly smile in apology.

Your gaze didn’t even falter or scan him, just unwaveringly looking him in the eye before you turned around again to chat with your friends. 

“Aren’t those the most fun to talk to though?” Dodge tried, and god did it form a pit in his stomach to feel like one of those guys that pushed for a girl's attention— a bad guy.

This got you to turn back around again.

Truthfully, his looks were hard to deny; especially with that ivory colored cowboy hat on his head. Otherwise, he wore a navy tee with a pair of dark jeans and black boots; the simplest thing ever. 

One hand was stuffed in the pocket of his jeans, the other tapping its digits against the sweaty glass of a bottle of beer. 

“Do you really wanna talk? Grandma taught me that boys like you never want to just talk.” 

Dodge couldn’t fight against that, not confidently at least. He knew he didn’t want to just talk, but he also didn’t know what else he’d want to do. Is this what being in limbo felt like?

You gave Dodge the grace of a second before pointing an eyebrow at him and turning again, only this time walking off with your friends to a different corner of the bar.

Dodge was too stubborn to talk growing up, and in this moment— and only this moment —did he curse himself for doing so.

In Cape, everyone was a regular. 

It didn’t matter where you went or with whom, you were known better than the alphabet.

When Dodge came into town, he became a regular. In most places, at least.

He knew you weren’t from Cape because you weren’t a regular here. Which is why he was surprised to see the same red heels he’s been dreaming about since the weekend stroll into the establishment he worked in.

You knew what you were doing, of course. You knew about Dodge Mason because Gina knew about Dodge Mason, and she knew about Dodge Mason from her boyfriend Daniel.

That’s how you got here, wasn’t it? But, Dodge didn’t need to know that.

He didn't need to know how your girlfriends teased you for playing hard to get or how you began sweating just from looking into his piercing eyes.

And when those piercing eyes caught the sight of the painted horseshoe on your back, he thought it must be my lucky day.

As you sat at the bar, Dodge couldn’t think of any other way to praise whatever god trailed you in here rather than repeating the same ��thank you’s in his head.

“Evening, lucky,” he coined the nickname from the symbol. You fought a smile at his wit, instead rolling your tongue along the flesh of your lip. 

“I’m sorry, do I know you sir?”

Dodge chortled at your act, but your face stood unwavering. Your tits looked perfect while pressed against the bar, but Dodge managed to pull his eyes a little higher to see the small tick in your neck signaling your so-called ‘confusion’.

You must’ve not liked his silence, because you picked up the silence with a small sigh and your order.

“May I have a shirley temple with just a dash of lime juice, please?” you batted your eyelashes at the unconvinced boy, being met with the playful roll of his eyes. 

Despite himself, Dodge began to concoct your beverage. You were strange, he thought. Where did you come from? Were you visiting? Would he see you again if nothing came from this conversation? How would he be sure?

He had to make sure this one counted, not like that pathetic excuse of conversation at the bar. The clicking of your nails rippling against the waxed bar behind his back mimicked the ticking clock– he might as well shoot a shot. Perhaps it was an easy target, especially with his luck sprawled against your back. 

“Did your grandma also teach you these manners?” Dodge planted the highball in front of your impatient hands. You took a look at the glass, then him, then to the glass again, where your eyes stayed as you tasted the drink. The sugar spreads across your tongue, satisfying its parched state.

“I still don’t talk to strangers,” you said, but the smirk that played on your face told Dodge something different. Your game wouldn’t fool him, not when you drop it just as limp as that. Did you want him like he wanted you?

You two weren’t strangers, no, he knew you were meant for something more. 

“So you admit to it,” he turned his head from the focus on your drink, only to catch your face hot with guilt. He chuckled to himself at your game.

“We ain’t strangers. This is our second meeting, perhaps fate is sending a message?” God, when did Dodge Mason become so sappy? He was grasping at the ends of a rope he wasn’t sure you were on the other end of.

But then you smiled. You smiled and twirled the skinny black straw around the ice of your drink. “And what message would that be?” you challenged.

Dodge leaned his elbows on the dark oak of the bar. He wet his lips with the tip of his tongue before his proposal, or rather, ‘the message’. “You should come home with me tonight.” He kept it at that; simple and charming. 

You giggled like a schoolgirl at his confidence. By the looks of it, he had been a lustful young adult, admittedly like you, with maybe a studio apartment. Your mind could only think of one thing he planned to do if you accepted the invitation, and you knew it wasn’t puzzles and lemonade. 

Were you opposed? Not entirely. 

“And what would this night entail? What do I get from entering your home? You gon’ drive me home after?” You matched his stance, leaning forward on the folded elbows you stuck to the waxy countertop. Dodge felt a stream of intimidation flow through his veins at the way you pointed your eyebrow at him.

“Might have to come to find out,” he replied, swiping his tongue over the toothpick that hung from his mouth. You couldn’t restrain your eyes from flickering down to the pair of lips. 

You were sure the sharp metal of his handle left a burning mark when he pushed you against it in the barren hallway of his apartment building. But with the incessant kissing of his lips distracting your mouth– and eventually everything else –it didn’t matter much to you anymore.

Your frame had been stripped of all fabric, laying in addition to his in the ratty hamper dejected in the corner of his room. Soon enough, he was insisting on a third round to cure the burdens of his barren tongue.

“Wanna see how you ride up close, baby,” he reasoned through a hushed tone, kissing the clammy skin of your temple.

How could you refuse? Especially when his hands began to rub those soothing circles into your hips and the tip of his tongue licked the shell of your ear during the whisper.

When he was prodding his tongue into your entrance a few minutes later, you knew it was the right decision to follow him out of the door. With your tits bouncing underneath the warm light thrusting through the ceiling of the sauna he called his room, Dodge took it upon himself to bruise your skin of this (rather heated) interaction through two large grips of his hands on your ass whilst you fucked his face. 

Dodge’s curious tongue soon turned into a hungry one, accompanied by the brief scraping of his teeth against the puffy lips of your pussy. The small bumping of his skull against the wooden headboard spurred him on rather than slowed him down, and you hoped the string of moans and mewls coming from your mouth were enough gratitude to satisfy his desires.

Due to popular demand– a loose request that fell in pieces from Dodge’s dumbstruck position underneath you –you wore his cowboy hat, glaze sticking from your hairline onto the weaved material. Dodge didn’t mind, in fact, he reveled in the thought of that same sweat mixing with his own during a rodeo. Dripping down his face just like how the sudden flood of your sweet juices were coating the stubble on his chin and the point of his nose. 

Dodge lived up to his word the morning after, tapping the ends of his fingers against the leather of the steering wheel to the tune of Bruce Springsteen’s voice singing “Glory Days” from the beaten up radio of Dodge’s Cadillac. Summers' heat wavered through the air of Cape even when Dodge drove past the speed limit on a lonely road. 

When you arrived at the doorstep of your grandmother's house, Dodge didn’t worry about the possibility of seeing you again, only admiring the way you swayed your hips and clicked your heels against the pavement during your strut. The corners of his lips pulled up into something that was not quite a smirk. 

He liked how your game was turning out.

traumatrios, 2024

divider by @saradika-graphics !

[odileeclipse]

A wager of Fate Shadow Milk X Reader PT2

A/N this is going to be a slow burn I'm planning for 4 parts I just want the reader to slowly accept deceit and Shadow Milk is doing a pretty good convincing job.

His usual playful demeanor was an act, hiding his true sinister demeanor. His words that looked to sway your heart. You knew this but his words hung in the air, sweet as spun sugar, sharp as a knife. You swallowed, fingers tightening at your sides. The Silver Tree looming above you, it glows casting shadows across the ground. It took time to create courage, especially when you knew he was powerful. Playful as he was, play your cards wrong, and… You don’t even want to finish that thought. However you still had free will, he was stuck into the tree he needed you, not the other way around. “No” Silence. Then a chuckle, curling through the air like smoke. “No?" he didn’t sound surprised at all. But you continued. “I won’t turn my back on my kingdom,” you said, voice steadier than you felt. “No matter what you offer me.”

“How noble! How predictable." He sighed exaggerated and theatrically. “Yet so naïve." He was mocking you. Of course he was to him none of this was serious. He would find a way out through you or himself. You could either choose his good graces, or be swept up in his wrath. The shadows shifted, stirring like something alive. “I do wonder…do you even know why you were cast aside?”

Your stomach twisted, but you held firm. “I wasn’t cast aside.” Though doubt pooled through your jam, you wouldn’t allow him to make a fool out of you. "Oh, but you were." The amusement in his voice sharpened. "All that training. All those years spent preparing to be the Guardian. And in the end, they chose her." Your breath hitched. "Tell me, did they ever explain why?" You opened your mouth—then hesitated. "Ah." He laughed, soft and knowing. "Of course they didn’t. Why would they? It’s far easier to let you believe you simply weren’t ready. That you weren’t enough." Your hands trembled. “White Lily Cookie is—”

"A stranger." The words were a whisper, curling against your skin. "She is not a Faerie. She was not raised here. She was not trained as you were. And yet, the moment she arrived, they gave her everything that should have been yours." A bitter chill spread through chest, pricking at your soul. “You want the truth?” You couldn’t bite your tongue. “What do you know about the truth? There’s a reason your title was stripped away.” Maniacal laughter filled the air. “Oh I’m sorry, did I hurt a nerve, future guardian? Or should I say deposed Guardian…I’m not even sure that’s fitting after all it was never even your role.” You could feel your heart aching. You couldn’t utter words for fear he may see you weak. His voice dipped, coaxing. "She was chosen not for her virtue, nor for her wisdom. Not for her fate or her kindness or any grand destiny." The shadows curled tighter."She was chosen because she was useful." Your pulse stuttered. "She came to your kingdom in a time of weakness. The seal was failing, the Tree was dying. And with just a touch of her magic, she mended it. Strengthened it. Saved it." You shook your head. “She wanted to help—” 

"And in doing so, she proved she was worth more than you." His voice turned almost gentle, a mockery of comfort. "They did not cast you aside because you were unworthy, little star. They cast you aside because you were unnecessary." Your breath was unsteady now, fists clenched so tightly they ached. "If they could discard you so easily, why do you still serve them? Are you that desperate to belong?” 

“White Lily Cookie strengthened the tree. Even if I wanted to help, there’s no way. You’ll be sealed there for eternity.” You paused faltering. “S-So how is it you’re still speaking…” Shadow Milk Cookie hummed in mock delight, his voice curling around you like silk. "Ahhh, now that is a question worth its weight in silver, isn’t it?" he mused, the shadows around the Silver Tree shifting like curtains in an unseen wind. "If the Tree was saved, if its great and mighty seal is stronger than ever, then how, my dear little heir, am I still here? Why do my words still reach you?" The question settled deep, planting its roots in your mind. You had no answer. You should have had one. Elder Faerie Cookie always spoke of the Tree as an unbreakable barrier, an eternal prison for the darkness. White Lily Cookie had strengthened that magic, had ensured its fortification, so then… "Ohhh, I see it now—" he giggled, something wicked and delighted. "You’re thinking, aren’t you? Putting the pieces together? Go on then, say it. You’re clever enough, I know you are." Your throat tightened. The Silver Tree loomed behind you, its light soft and unyielding, but now… now you saw the jagged scars across its bark in a new light. "It shouldn’t be possible." The words slipped from your lips before you could stop them. "And yet…?" Shadow Milk prompted, voice laced with teasing. And yet he was still here. Still speaking. Still waiting. You felt emboldened to ask questions. “Then what do you need me for? If you’re free to go, why don’t you?” 

“Ohhhh, my clever heir, always asking the right questions.” Shadow Milk Cookie laughed, a low, silken thing that curled around you like a ribbon. The shadows at the base of the Silver Tree trembled, rippling like liquid night, but they did not cross the boundary of the light. He was there, just beyond your sight, just beyond your reach. "If I could simply leave, don’t you think I would have already?" he purred. "Why, I’d be out there right now, dancing under the moonlight, turning this whole sweet little world upside down." He sighed, theatrical and wistful, as if mourning the grand mischief he had yet to unleash. "But no… this prison is clever, more clever than most, anyway." His tone turned playful again, lilting like a melody. "It does not simply hold me, it binds me, keeps me tethered to its wretched roots. The stronger the seal, the heavier the chains. And ohhh, those chains are so very heavy now…" The shadows shuddered, a whisper of something vast and unseen coiling just out of reach. "That is why I need you, little heir." His voice softened, gentle and coaxing. "A single silver thread, woven into the very heart of this kingdom. You belong to this place as much as it belongs to you. That is why you can reach me. Why you can hear me, even when no one else can." A pause. Then, softer, almost intimate— "Why do you think that is?"

You scoffed "I don't know why don't you enlighten me" Shadow Milk Cookie let out an amused sigh "Finally, some spirit. I was beginning to think you’d gone dull on me." The shadows around the Silver Tree shifted as he continued, blunt and deliberate. "You were never going to be the Guardian. Not really. You were just the contingency plan, the backup in case their precious ‘savior’ didn’t work out. But then she did, and you? Well…" He clicked his tongue. "You became nothing more than a leftover piece. A relic of a role that was never meant to be yours." You stiffened. "What’s the matter?" His voice dipped into a mocking lilt. "Did you really think all that training, all those vows, actually meant something?" A chuckle, smooth and knowing. "Please. They never saw you as the future. Just a shadow waiting to fade." The words struck deep, but you shook your head. You didn’t want to believe his words but…He once held the light of knowledge. All his lies had truth hidden within them, maybe he was even feeling kind today giving you real truth. "Even if that’s true, it doesn’t mean I’d ever help you." "Mm, of course not." He hummed in faux sympathy. "Loyal little heir to a kingdom that barely remembers you exist. How admirable." You didn’t answer. "But let’s be honest, dearheart." The way he said it was almost gentle, almost kind. "You’re hesitating. And that’s enough." You hesitated. “Enough?” You didn’t understand what he was referring to.

 "Enough to set you free." The words slithered through the air, smooth and certain, wrapping around you like a phantom touch. "Enough to finally make you more than just a shadow in someone else’s light." His laughter was soft, a secret meant only for you. "You already know the truth, don’t you? You feel it—gnawing at the edges of your heart, whispering that something isn’t right. That it’s never been right." A pause. The air was thick, charged with something electric, something dangerous. "Tell me… was it devotion that kept you here all this time?" Your lips parted, but no words came. "You’ve been waiting for something, no, someone. To tell you it’s okay to let go. That you don’t have to suffer for a kingdom that so easily replaced you." His voice dipped lower, coaxing, coaxing. "I am that someone. I see you, truly see you, and I am offering you more than duty, more than sacrifice. I am offering you a choice." The world seemed to shrink to just this moment, just his voice curling around your thoughts. "Say yes… and you will never be forgotten again." You looked at the tree skeptically, "And how would you ensure it?"

"Ensure it?" Shadow Milk Cookie echoed, his voice curling like velvet around a blade. "Oh, you wound me. Do you think I make promises I can't keep?" The air around the Silver Tree pulsed, the seal flickering faintly. He was still bound, yes—but his voice, his presence, coiled around you like an unseen ribbon, tugging, pulling. "You think the choice is yours, don’t you?" he mused, almost fondly. "That you can simply turn and walk away, pretend this night never happened, and go back to playing the loyal little heir." A pause, deliberate. Then, a whisper, closer than before. "But you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t already doubt them." The Silver Tree groaned ever so slightly in the wind, the weight of its age pressing down. "I don’t need to ensure anything." His laughter was honeyed poison. "Because deep down, you already know you’re going to say yes." Your grip tightened on the fabric over your chest. You shouldn’t be listening. You shouldn’t be considering this. And yet… The Silver Tree had always been unwavering, unshaken. It was eternal, untouchable. That was what you had been taught. That was what you believed. But now there were cracks. Now there was a voice in the dark where there should have been silence. Now there was doubt where there should have been certainty. "You feel it, don’t you?" Shadow Milk Cookie’s voice was smooth, coaxing, slipping through the leaves like a breeze that carried something dangerous beneath its chill. "The pull of the truth. The weight of what they never told you." Your breath caught. "You’ve given everything to them… and still, they chose another." You squeezed your eyes shut. No. No, that isn’t… But you couldn’t deny that it hurt.

"But you provide deceit not truth...not since you lost the light of knowledge....The books say so" "Ah, the books," Shadow Milk Cookie purred, his voice lilting with amusement. "Ink on pages, written by hands that feared me. Tell me, little guardian—do you believe everything you read?" You hesitated. "You speak of deceit as if it’s a sin," he continued, voice weaving through the branches like silk. "But deception is just another shade of knowledge. A sharper kind. A kind your dear books refuse to teach." You frowned. "You lost the light of knowledge." "Did I?" He chuckled, the sound low and knowing. "Or did they steal it and paint me a villain to keep their hands clean?" "And what is truth, really?" His tone turned almost lazy, but there was an edge beneath it, sharp as a dagger. "A thing written? A thing spoken? Or is it something felt—something that shifts when you finally open your eyes?" You hated that his words made something in you waver. The books had been written by those who feared him. Wasn’t it possible, even the slightest bit, that they had twisted the story to fit their own needs? he crooned, voice dipping to a near whisper. "If I were truly blind to knowledge… how is it that I see the doubts creeping into your heart?"

"If I accept, what happens then? I don’t want anyone to get hurt." A quiet chuckle drifted from the tree. "Always so noble." His voice coiled around you, light yet heavy with meaning. "But tell me—when has your kingdom ever cared for you?" You stiffened. "No matter," he went on, breezy and playful. "You asked what happens next. Simple. You help me, and I walk free. The Silver Tree only recognizes one soul at a time. If you command it to release me, it will." Your stomach twisted. Command it? That felt wrong. The Silver Tree was sacred—meant to be protected. "You hesitate." His voice softened, coaxing. "But don’t you want to choose for yourself, just this once? They took everything from you… let’s take something back." Your breath caught. He wasn’t lying. The kingdom, the Knights, Elder Faerie—they all expected you to kneel. To accept White Lily Cookie’s place above you. "Just a few words," he murmured. "And I will be by your side. No longer just a voice in the dark. You wouldn’t be alone." Alone. The word struck deep. You wavered, toes curling into the dirt. "And then what?" A pause. Then a silky, amused hum. "Now, now… let’s not ruin the moment with details." Your heart pounded. The choice was there, hanging before you. A rustle of leaves behind you. "You shouldn’t be here so late." Elder Faerie Cookie’s voice was gentle, knowing. He stepped into view, moonlight catching the silver threads in his cloak. His gaze met yours, warm yet heavy with understanding. "Come," he said softly. "Let’s talk."

You cast one last glance at the Silver Tree, its bark gleaming under the moonlight, the presence within it lingering like a shadow at your back. The weight of his words pressed against your chest, whispering doubt, tempting you with a path you were afraid to take. But then Elder Faerie Cookie placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, his touch grounding, steady. "Come," he said again, his voice quiet but firm. You swallowed hard and turned away, falling into step beside him. The air between you was thick with unspoken thoughts as you followed him through the winding halls, the Silver Tree’s whispers fading behind you. Inside his chambers, the warm glow of candlelight flickered against the walls, casting long, soft shadows. Elder Faerie gestured for you to sit, his gaze unreadable yet kind. "Something troubles you." It wasn’t a question. You lowered your eyes, fingers tightening in your lap. His voice, though gentle, left no room for evasion. Your breath hitched, but you forced yourself to step forward. “I—” You hesitated, quickly smoothing your expression. “It’s nothing, really. Just a lot on my mind.” Elder Faerie finally turned to you, his silver eyes searching yours. “Nothing?” he echoed, his tone unreadable. "Yes." You tried to keep your voice light. "I've just been thinking a lot about… my future. My duty." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. Elder Faerie studied you for a long moment, his expression calm, yet deeply perceptive. Then, with quiet certainty, he spoke “You are a poor liar.” A sharp pang ran through you. Your hands clenched at your sides. "I’m not lying," you insisted, too quickly. Elder Faerie exhaled softly. “You are uncertain of something. If you cannot tell me what, then at least allow me to share your burden.” Your throat tightened. He made it sound so easy, so simple. Just say it, and he would listen. Just speak, and you wouldn’t have to face this alone. But if you did. If you told him about the whispers curling from the tree, the voice that wove itself into your thoughts like silk. what would happen? Would he understand? Would he condemn you for listening? You forced a small, tired smile. "I promise, it’s nothing serious. I just need rest." Elder Faerie didn’t look convinced, but he did not push. Instead, he nodded slowly, watching you as if trying to read the spaces between your words. “Then rest well. And remember, there is nothing you cannot share with me.” You swallowed the guilt rising in your throat and bowed your head. "I know." But as you turned to leave, you could feel his gaze lingering on you, heavy with the weight of things unsaid. And later, when you lay awake in your chambers, the voice from the tree would slither into your thoughts like a shadow stretching toward the light. “A poor liar indeed. Lies don’t suit you. But oh, you wear them so well." And in the darkness, you wouldn’t be sure if you were more afraid of what Shadow Milk Cookie had promised, or the part of you that had started to believe him. Despite the warmth of your blankets, you shivered.

A/N I'm not sure if people are enjoying this but I promise it's going to pick up soon, more of the romance is coming I just really like slow burns.

PART 3 B)

[ashleyrowanthewriter]

Trans Girl's Journey

No Fool's shell is everlasting.

They just need a little crack.

While the journey is long-lasting

The Mage knows her right track.

She shall look into the gaze

Of the eyes of High Priestess.

Empress her bravery shall praise.

Her promise shall seem sweetest.

Emperors she shall look out for

That try to restrict her self.

With Popes she shall learn how to work

And how to shout for herself.

A Lover she shall come to be

Per some chance with no lariat.

She shall take the sugary key.

She shall drive in her Chariot.

She will find Strength as a Hermit

To stay strong against the fate.

The Wheel of Fortune always spins.

It brings love and it brings hate.

For Justice she will become Hanged

And her Death she shall embrace.

Even if in one friendship strand.

She will find in life Temperance.

Time will come when she'll have to face

The Devil. There is no space to cope.

The Tower she'll rebuild misplaced

With the Star and its great hope.

She will fear the gaze of the Moon

And dangers it will foretell.

But the Sun will also rise soon

And will break its dreadful spell.

She shall face the Judgement severe.

Everything will get uncurled.

And she shall to herself become dear

And look with love at her World.

*************

I was inspired by the Trans Girl Trading Cards by @unholytgirl and @sadcoldcoffee and also my passion for Tarot. Seriously, if I could draw I would love to draw a card myself. So here's my contribution.

[ephemeral-love-4]

Linger

── .✦ Lilia Calderu X Princess! Reader

╰┈➤Chapters : 3/3

Word count : 14k

⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

The world had changed, but Lilia Calderu remained.

She had watched centuries unfold before her eyes, empires rising only to crumble into dust, cities blooming into towering steel forests, the stars remaining the only true constant in the vast, shifting sky. Time softened the edges of her grief, dulled the sharpest aches, but it never erased the shape of her from her heart.

For years, she searched— chased after whispers, followed fleeting glimpses of a familiar soul in unfamiliar faces. She scoured ink-stained archives, whispered spells beneath silver moons, traced lifelines in trembling palms, all in a futile attempt to reclaim what had been lost.

But fate was cruel. Always cruel.

So, Lilia stopped searching.

Instead, she built a life— a quiet one. A small shop on the corner of an unassuming street, tucked between a nail salon and a maintenance store. Madame Calderu’s had a reputation. Some called her a fraud, others swore by her readings, and a few came only for the atmosphere, enchanted by the scent of incense curling through candlelit air.

Lilia didn’t care much either way. She lived. That was enough.

Until the day the bell above her door rang.

She barely glanced up as she walked through the beaded curtain, adjusting her rings with practiced ease, preparing to deliver the usual greeting.

"Welcome to the curious," she began, voice smooth and familiar on her tongue. "Are we looking ahead of us or behind—"

Then she saw her.

Her breath caught.

She nearly dropped the ring she had been idly toying with.

"No…"

It wasn't possible.

For lifetimes, she had seen echoes of the past in strangers’ faces. A tilt of the head, a fleeting expression, the way a certain woman might laugh under her breath— but this? This was different.

This was her.

The same face. The same posture. The same slight furrow of the brows as she examined the shop with quiet curiosity.

Lilia felt as though she had been thrown into the depths of the ocean, her lungs aching from the weight of something she had long buried.

She barely registered the name escaping her lips.

"Y/N…?"

The woman blinked, startled. Then, to Lilia’s silent horror, her lips curled into an amused smile.

"Whoa, how do you know my name?" Y/N asked, tilting her head. "Wait— oh my god, is it cause you’re psychic?"

Lilia’s stomach twisted.

She doesn’t remember.

Of course, she wouldn’t.

This was a new life. A fresh slate. A reincarnation untouched by the love and loss that had once defined them.

A thousand responses flickered through Lilia’s mind, but she merely smiled, slipping into her role as easily as slipping on a familiar cloak.

"Something like that," she murmured.

Y/N let out a laugh, stepping further inside. "Okay, that’s kinda spooky. Do you, like, read minds or just futures?"

"Futures, pasts, possibilities," Lilia answered smoothly, gesturing toward the round wooden table near the window. A well-worn deck of tarot cards rested at its center, edges softened by centuries of use. "Would you like a reading?"

Y/N hummed, considering. Then, with an easy grin, she nodded. "Sure, why not? Let’s see what fate has to say about me."

She sat, and Lilia took the seat across from her, forcing herself to breathe evenly as she shuffled the deck.

"Think of a question," she instructed, keeping her voice calm despite the storm raging in her chest.

Y/N tapped a finger against her lips before nodding. "Got it."

Lilia drew the first card.

The Wheel of Fortune.

Fate. Cycles. A pattern repeating itself.

A cold weight settled in her stomach.

She drew the second card.

The Lovers.

A bond. A choice. Love, unbroken by time.

Lilia hesitated, her fingers trembling slightly as she turned the last card.

The Tower.

Destruction. Upheaval. The past colliding with the present.

A chill ran down her spine.

"Whoa," Y/N murmured, leaning forward to study the illustrations. "That looks… intense. What does it mean?"

Lilia forced herself to exhale slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"It means… Life is unpredictable," she said, keeping her tone even. "Cycles repeat, choices shape our paths, and sometimes, change comes when we least expect it."

Y/N tilted her head. "That’s cryptic."

"That’s tarot," Lilia countered with a smirk, gathering the cards before she could dwell on them any longer.

Y/N laughed, pulling out her wallet. "Well, that was fun. How much do I owe you?"

Lilia told her, accepting the money with a polite nod.

And then just as Y/N turned to leave— Lilia’s hand shot out, gently grasping her wrist.

Y/N looked back, surprised.

"Stay," Lilia said softly. "Just for a bit. Have tea with me."

Y/N blinked. Then, after a beat, she smiled. "Well, I can’t say no to free tea."

Lilia led her through the shop and into the private sanctuary of her small flat. The space was warm and lived-in, filled with books stacked in precarious towers, dried herbs hanging from the ceiling, soft golden light pooling over wooden floors.

Lilia moved automatically, setting the kettle on, pulling out an old tin. She hadn’t brewed this tea in years— not since her. And yet, her hands moved as if no time had passed at all.

Y/N accepted the cup, cradling it in her palms before blowing gently on the surface. She took a slow sip.

Then she froze.

Lilia waited, her heart lodged in her throat.

"That’s weird," Y/N murmured, staring into the tea.

"What is?" Lilia asked, feigning innocence.

Y/N took another sip, brows furrowing. "This tastes… nostalgic. I don’t know why. It’s like I’ve had it before, but I haven’t."

Lilia’s fingers curled around her own cup. "Some things linger beyond memory," she said softly.

Y/N glanced up at her, an unreadable expression flickering behind her eyes.

Silence settled between them, warm and heavy, filled with the weight of things unspoken.

Then, finally, Lilia spoke.

"So," she asked, watching her closely. "What’s your story?"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The door chime rang as Y/N stepped out, disappearing into the city beyond.

Lilia stood frozen, her fingers curled loosely around the teacup Y/N had just held. The warmth still radiated through the porcelain, but the space across from her was empty now, the laughter that had filled the air moments ago already dissolving into silence.

She had spent lifetimes mastering the art of letting go. She had wandered through the years like a ghost, watching the world shift and change, untouched by its warmth. She had built a life in quiet solitude, finding peace in the simple rhythm of existence.

And then, fate had walked into her shop wearing the face of a woman she had mourned for two hundred years.

Lilia exhaled slowly, forcing her hands to steady as she set the teacup down.

She felt it too.

She had seen it in Y/N’s eyes— the way she hesitated, the way her brow furrowed in confusion at the taste of something so deeply familiar. A ghost of recognition, just out of reach. It had been a flicker, a whisper of something long buried, but it was there.

Lilia pressed her fingers to her temple, shutting her eyes.

She had spent centuries learning how to exist without her. Accepting that some things were lost to time. That love, once stolen by fate, could never be reclaimed.

But now, she had returned.

What now?

Lilia had told herself long ago that if reincarnation ever brought Y/N back, she would let her be. That she would not interfere. That she would not reach for something that wasn’t meant to be hers anymore.

And yet, the idea of simply watching her walk away, of never seeing her again, of pretending she hadn’t just shattered centuries of acceptance— felt unbearable.

Her heart ached with something long buried, something she had locked away in the quiet corners of her soul.

Would she let Y/N slip away again, allowing her to live this new life undisturbed?

Or would she stay close, waiting, hoping— perhaps selfishly— for something to awaken?

The weight of the choice settled deep in her chest.

For two hundred years, she had told herself that she was done searching. That the past was the past. That she had made peace with it.

And yet—

For the first time in lifetimes, she had a choice.

Could she allow herself to hope again?

No.

No, she couldn't.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The marketplace is alive with noise and movement, a symphony of clattering carts, murmured negotiations, and the occasional burst of laughter from passing strangers. The scent of fresh herbs, baked bread, and something spiced lingers in the air, mingling with the crispness of the late afternoon breeze.

Lilia moves through the crowd with practiced ease, half-focused on the selection of dried flowers and teas displayed at a nearby stall. She’s not particularly searching for anything—just letting herself exist in the moment, in the rhythm of normalcy.

Then she hears it.

“Okay, but do I really need another houseplant?”

The voice is familiar, touched with humor, light and warm like a memory trying to resurface.

Lilia glances up.

A few feet away, Y/N stands in front of a plant stall, cradling a small potted fern in her hands, lips pursed in mock deliberation. The vendor, an older woman with a kind face, merely chuckles, watching as Y/N debates with herself.

Lilia hadn’t expected to see her here. Hadn’t planned to.

But now that she has, she can’t not speak.

“You’re asking the wrong person,” Lilia remarks smoothly, stepping up beside her. “I have plants that have lived longer than most relationships.”

Y/N startles slightly at the sudden interruption but quickly recovers, turning toward Lilia with a grin. “Lilia! Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“And yet, here I am,” Lilia muses.

Y/N chuckles, holding up the fern. “Alright, since you’re clearly the expert— what do you think? Should I bring this little guy home, or am I setting myself up for another tragic plant funeral?”

Lilia tilts her head, eyeing the plant with feigned scrutiny. “You don’t strike me as someone who lets things wither easily.”

Y/N scoffs. “My track record says otherwise. I get ambitious, buy a bunch of plants, and then completely forget to water them for weeks.”

Lilia hums thoughtfully. “A resilient one, then. Something that thrives on a bit of neglect.” She gestures toward a nearby selection of succulents. “Perhaps one of these would be a safer bet.”

Y/N laughs. “You might be onto something.” Still, she looks down at the fern in her hands, something soft in her expression. “But I like this one.”

Lilia studies her for a moment, then nods. “Then you already have your answer.”

They chat for a little while longer— casual, easy conversation that feels strangely natural despite the briefness of their acquaintance.

Eventually, Y/N makes her purchase, tucking the small pot carefully into the crook of her arm. As she turns to leave, she glances over her shoulder, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

“See you around?”

Lilia holds her gaze, something unreadable flickering behind her dark eyes.

She nods. “See you around.”

And she does.

ᯓ★

The scent of old paper and ink lingers in the air, the kind of quiet, comforting aroma that makes bookstores feel almost sacred. Lilia moves through the shelves at a leisurely pace, fingers skimming along worn spines, her mind only half-engaged in the titles before her.

Then—

"Okay, now you're definitely following me."

Lilia barely has time to react before Y/N steps into view, grinning as she holds up a book like evidence of a crime.

Lilia raises a brow, unbothered. “Hardly.” She lifts the book in her own hands. “Unless you think I’m clairvoyant in more ways than one.”

Y/N laughs, the sound warm, unguarded. “I don’t know, Lilia. That’s twice now. You sure you’re not a little bit psychic?”

More than you know, Lilia thinks. But she only smirks. “Just lucky, I suppose.”

They fall into step together, weaving through the shelves in unspoken agreement. The conversation shifts easily, like it always does. Books, favorite genres, the kinds of stories they’re drawn to.

Y/N turns her book over in her hands, studying the cover. “Do you believe in past lives?”

The question catches Lilia off guard. Her fingers tighten slightly around the spine of her book.

"Yes," she says, carefully.

Y/N hums, thoughtful. “Weird. I always thought if I had one, I must’ve been someone important.” She gives a small, self-deprecating chuckle. “My parents actually named me after that old queen because I apparently look like her.”

Of course they did.

Lilia keeps her expression neutral, though something sharp twists in her chest. “Maybe you were.”

Y/N snorts. “Doubt it. I feel way too boring for that.”

Lilia says nothing.

Y/N doesn’t notice the way her companion’s grip tightens on her book, or the flicker of something unreadable in her dark eyes.

A moment later, Y/N nudges her playfully. “Okay, psychic lady, what book should I get?”

Lilia shakes off the feeling and smirks. “That depends. Are you looking for something new… or something familiar?”

Y/N tilts her head, considering. Then she grins. “Surprise me.”

Lilia does.

ᯓ★

It keeps happening.

A coffee shop.

A park bench.

A train station.

No matter how vast the city is, no matter how many people weave through its streets, they keep finding each other.

And each time, Lilia feels that thread pulling tighter.

At first, she tells herself it’s nothing. A coincidence. But even she doesn’t believe that.

Y/N notices it too, though she doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, she finds it amusing.

"Okay, seriously, this is getting crazy," Y/N says one evening as they sit in a dimly lit café. She’s stirring the foam of her drink absentmindedly, eyes flicking up to meet Lilia’s. “Either you’re actually psychic, or we’re caught in some kind of cosmic joke.”

Lilia stirs her tea, unbothered. "Maybe both."

Y/N leans forward, studying her as if searching for something hidden beneath the surface. “You always talk like you know something I don’t.”

Lilia’s fingers tighten slightly around her cup. I do, she thinks. I know everything you’ve forgotten.

But she only smirks. “It’s part of my charm.”

Y/N laughs, shaking her head. “Mysterious as always.”

Lilia watches the way the light flickers in Y/N’s eyes, and wonders how much longer she can keep pretending.

ᯓ★

The evening air carries the scent of damp earth and something sweet from a nearby bakery. The streetlights flicker to life as the last traces of sunlight fade into the horizon. Lilia and Y/N walk side by side, their conversation easy, unhurried— like they’ve done this before, like this isn’t the first time they’ve fallen into step with each other.

Y/N has a small paper bag in one hand, the remnants of a pastry she swore she didn’t need but ended up buying anyway. Lilia hadn’t indulged, only sipping at a cup of tea she’d bought from a nearby shop. The warmth of the drink is long gone, but she holds onto it anyway, something to busy her hands, to ground her.

As they pass an old thrift shop with its cluttered window display, Y/N slows, reaching into her pocket. "Oh, right," she murmurs, almost to herself, before turning to Lilia.

She holds out her palm, something small resting in the center. "I found this the other day," she says, a sheepish smile playing on her lips. "Thought of you."

Lilia glances down.

Her breath stills.

The object gleams under the streetlight, faintly catching the glow— an old pendant, delicate yet sturdy, the edges worn with time.

She knows it instantly.

The design is intricate, familiar, an unmistakable mark of the past she’s spent centuries trying not to dwell on. The metal is dulled from age, but the craftsmanship remains. This isn’t just any trinket. This isn’t some random find from a dusty thrift store.

This is the Queen’s.

Her Queen’s.

Her Y/N's

Lilia’s fingers hesitate before picking it up, turning it over, running her thumb along its surface as if to confirm its reality. The weight of it in her palm is heavier than it should be, pressing against something deep inside her chest.

How did this—?

She swallows the thought, forcing her expression into something neutral before Y/N can notice the way her whole world has tilted in a matter of seconds.

"You don’t have to keep it," Y/N says, mistaking her silence for reluctance. "I just— I don’t know. I saw it, and it reminded me of you. Maybe the design? It felt… old, I guess, in a cool way. Thought you’d like it."

Lilia exhales softly, carefully closing her fingers around the pendant.

She should refuse. Should hand it back and walk away before the past comes clawing back in full force.

But she doesn’t.

Instead, she looks up, meeting Y/N’s gaze.

There’s something expectant in those eyes, something searching. A thread of recognition, too faint to grasp but there nonetheless, waiting just beyond reach.

Y/N tilts her head slightly, a teasing lilt in her voice. "Do you like it?"

Lilia swallows. "Yes," she says, quietly. "It’s… beautiful."

She wants to say more. To ask how Y/N found it, if something about it called to her the same way it’s calling to Lilia now.

But she doesn’t.

Because that would mean acknowledging what she’s been avoiding all this time.

That fate isn’t done with them yet.

And for the first time in two hundred years, Lilia wonders—

Maybe the past isn’t as far away as she thought.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

જ⁀➴ A/N : Do you all want a sequel?? It kind of ended on a cliffhanger 🧍‍♀️

[mikashisus]

WALTZ INTO THE HEART

SYNOPSIS: fate seems to keep bringing fontaine’s most famed magician into your life, even when you swore you’d never fall in love again. but when you see how he handles your daughter and how her eyes light up with joy whenever he’s around, you cave and allow him into your heart.

PAIRING: lyney x single mother!reader

TAGLIST ! @pixelcafe-network @wystiix

warnings: mentions of teen (19) pregnancy, hurt/comfort, family issues, mc has a mom bod, suggestive comments

wc: 6k

notes: feeding the lyney enjoyers (yona). i started this literal months ago and im so glad it’s finally finished and out of the way. i had sm fun writing the last few scenes! anyw i hope u guys enjoy!

As a performer on the streets of Fontaine, Lyney was more than familiar with the fact that his tricks were more popular with young children. 

Their eyes would light up in childlike awe as they watched him closely, trying to find a flaw in his tricks that they could call him out on while simultaneously wondering how the trick was even performed in the first place. 

He was no stranger to their yells, begging him to do it again so they could watch his every little movement and find that flaw. But Lyney was perfect at hiding the secrets behind his magic. Years of practice led him up to this moment. 

He was also no stranger to kids who had run off from their parents to look for him. Many, many times children have come up to him and asked him to do a trick for them, their parents arriving about ten minutes later, out of breath and a frown on their lips as they berated their children for suddenly running off. 

Today was no different. 

He stood in the center plaza of the city, underneath the hydro-powered machine that made an eerie whirring noise if you stood too close. 

He ended his last trick of the night by telling a small boy to touch the back of his ear. The boy did so, flipping it over to show the contents: an ace of spades. 

“Is that your card?” Lyney questioned with a smile, watching as the boy’s face lit up with joy. 

“Wow!!” The kid exclaimed excitedly. “It is! How’d you do that, Mr. Lyney!?” 

Lyney took the card from the boy’s hands and tossed it into his hat before placing his hat back onto his head. The hat rocked side to side vigorously as a star shaped eye of a grinmalkin cat peeked out from underneath. 

“Shoo!” 

Lyney gently brushed the cat away. In a flurry of confetti, the cat disappeared back under the hat, letting out a tiny purr that sounded like a rebuttal. With a sigh, Lyney shook his head. The kids that were gathered around him laughed at the interaction. 

He opened his eyes and knelt down so that he was eye level with all of them. He winked and placed a finger over his lips. “A magician never reveals their secrets! After all, it’s not really magic if you know how it’s done!” 

Disappointed “aww”s fell from the children’s mouths, though they weren’t seriously saddened. They perked up at the sounds of their parents’ voices, rushing over to them and grabbing their hands as they recited the events of the mini magic show. 

A fond smile graced Lyney’s lips as he waved goodbye to the children and their parents. This was what he loved most about his job: bringing smiles to everyone’s faces. 

“There you are, brother.” 

The soft voice of his sister ripped him from his thoughts. She walked up to him slowly, tiredness reflecting in her purple eyes as she sent him a small smile. “Should we get dinner?” 

Lyney shook his head. “I think Freminet is cooking seafood soup tonight, so we should wait until we get back to the House. Besides, Father is coming home tonight. We should be there to welcome her home.” 

A frown erupted onto Lynette’s face at the mention of waiting. A complaint was ready on her lips, when a small voice called out to Lyney from ten feet away. He abruptly turned, watching as a little girl wearing a sky blue dress ran towards him with a beaming smile on her face. 

“Mr. Lyney!” 

He replaced his frown with a polite smile and knelt down, placing an arm on his knee. “Well hello there! What can I do for you?” 

The girl suddenly grew nervous. She shyly played with the ends of her dress, averting her gaze to the ground as she muttered out a response. “I was watching your magic show, but I was too scared to come closer…” 

Lyney raised a brow in concern. “Oh? Why is that?” 

“B-Because there were tons of people!” 

In reality, there had only been about eight kids and five adults, but kids were known to greatly exaggerate situations. He gave her a kind smile as she anxiously looked up at him once more. He placed a hand on her head. 

“I understand what it’s like to be nervous in a crowd of strangers. In fact, I have stage fright.” 

“He does.” Lynette confirmed, a small smirk pulling at her lips as Lyney sent her a fleeting glare. 

The little girl’s eyes widened in shock. “You do?” 

With a nod, Lyney hummed. “Yep, I do. Sometimes I have to perform in front of crowds ten times bigger than the one you saw. It can be scary, but with my sister by my side, all that fear goes away.” 

“Really?” With another nod, Lyney hummed. The little girl’s eyes flickered to Lynette, before they rested on the ground again. “But I don’t have a sister…” 

“That’s alright. There are other ways you can counteract your anxiety. Like… Oh! You can try talking to the other kids. I’m sure they’d love to be friends with you!” 

The little girl bit her lip nervously. She sure was shy. It was silent for a few moments. Lyney opened his mouth to speak, when the girl suddenly grabbed onto his hand. “Can you—” 

“Lilia!” A feminine voice called, attracting the attention of the young girl standing in front of Lyney. 

You were completely out of breath as you came to a stop in front of the two magicians. Immediately, you focused your attention on your five year old daughter, who had run off on you a half hour ago. 

“Lilia, I was looking everywhere for you!” The concern in your tone and your expression made the weight of your scolding feel extremely light. “If you go running off on me again like that, young lady, you won’t be able to go to that magic show I got us tickets to.” 

“But mommy!” She whined, tugging on the sleeves of your blouse. 

You looked up from her to turn to the two magicians who were watching the scene with amused looks in their eyes. You stood up and apologized. “I’m sorry, Mr. Lyney, Ms. Lynette. I hope she wasn’t too much of a hassle. She has a lot of energy.” You couldn’t hide your smile as you looked down at your daughter. 

There was no way you could stay mad at her for long. Though, you were serious when you said you wouldn’t let her go to that magic show if she kept disobeying you. 

You gently ran your fingers through your daughter’s hair as Lyney smiled. “It was no trouble at all!” 

He took off his hat. “I believe I left something in here,” he muttered, his nose scrunching up as his hand rummaged around in his hat. His face lit up a moment later. “Aha! Got it!” 

With a flourish, and a sudden burst of confetti, he pulled a beautiful bouquet of rainbow roses out of his hat and bowed as he held it out towards you. 

“Rainbow roses as beautiful as the lady standing before my very eyes. How enchanting you are, ma cherie.” 

The sudden gesture was extremely flattering. You haven’t been openly hit on in quite a while. It had nothing to do with your looks or your age, but rather, the fact that you had a daughter. You were still young— twenty-four —so it was quite the shocker when you mentioned to other people that you had a daughter. 

Not many were willing to date someone who already had a child. It was hard to find someone who was, which eventually made you give up. You came to terms with being single, and told yourself it was better that way— that your household was better with just you and your little carbon copy. 

Lyney’s eyes were expressive and sly. Underneath his charm, there was a clear nervousness. He fidgeted in his spot, waiting with bated breath to see if you’d really take the bouquet from his hands.

A new, panicked thought ran through his head. You had a daughter… Did that mean you were married too!? 

Uh oh, he thought, swallowing the lump in his throat, did I overstep? 

He breathed a long silent sigh of relief when you took the bouquet, your fingers brushing over his gloved ones. The smile on your face was one of pure happiness, albeit a bit bashful. Eagerly, you brought the roses up to your nose. They were fresh, as if they had been picked just that day. 

“Thank you,” you said wholeheartedly, “these are gorgeous. We’ll put them in our windowsill for the whole neighborhood to see. Right, Lilia?” 

You sent your daughter a smile, to which she returned with a big one of her own.

A week later, you were attending Lyney’s magic show with your daughter and your best friend, Erika. The show ran smoothly and was absolutely flawless. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of them for one second. Even after the show, you sat in awe, wondering just how in the world those tricks were performed. 

Erika stood up from her seat, stretching her arms above her head. She sighed in relief as she lowered her arms back to her sides and grabbed her purse. 

“That show was amazing! I think my favorite was that last trick with the knives…” she rambled, “Shit, I have to go to the bathroom. Do you guys need to go?”

You sent her a small glare. You told her countless times not to use curse words in front of your daughter, yet she kept forgetting. Thanks to her, your daughter would blurt them out at random moments, causing you to scold her. Erika would apologize profusely every time it happened when she was present. 

Shaking your head, you turned to Lilia. “Do you need to go, sweetie?” 

She nodded, already searching for your hand. Erika picked her up with ease. “I can take her, since you don’t have to go. Just wait for us by the Fountain of Lucine. We shouldn’t be long, right Lily?” 

Erika was great with kids. On days that you needed a babysitter, she jumped at the opportunity. She was fun, loving, and an overall joy to be around. She lit up every room she entered, and she knew how to handle your rascal of a daughter. You were more than thankful for not only her help, but her friendship. 

The two of you have been friends ever since you were children. She was the lively, extroverted class clown that loved to be friends with everyone, while you were the quiet, shy kid that preferred to keep to herself in the back of the classroom. The two of you were polar opposites, yet as soon as she laid her eyes on you and asked to be friends, you were inseparable. 

Years later, nothing changed. The two of you were still the same as you once were. In a way, that felt comforting. 

She bid you a quick goodbye as she raced off to the bathrooms with Lilia in her arms. You slung your purse over your shoulder and began to head towards the exit, running your fingers over the playbill in your hand. You would put this one right next to all the others you had on your bedroom wall. 

Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice someone walking towards you. It wasn’t until you heard their voice that you looked up. 

“Looks like fate wishes for us to meet again, ma cherie!” 

You couldn’t help the wide smile that pulled at your lips. “Mr. Lyney! Your show was magnificent!” 

Not expecting such high praise, the man laughed softly, his cheeks a rosy red. “T-Thank you!” 

He didn’t know what else to say. Usually, he was adept at making conversation. He had no problem charming his way into the hearts of others, yet whenever he saw you, his words seemed to fail him. 

He cleared his throat. “May I walk you out?” He offered up his arm, which you took almost instantly. 

Your smile never wavered as you linked your arm with his. “Lilia loves magic,” you began, admiring the architecture and decor in the opera house, “she always tells me how she wants to be a magician someday too… or a mage in a mountainside cottage with a cat familiar.” 

Lyney listened closely, a small chuckle leaving his lips. “Sounds imaginative.” 

“It is,” you agreed, “I’ve always nurtured that imagination of hers, and I’ll continue to do so. Children need to be creative and have lots of imagination. That’s something my own mother could not understand.” 

“I want her to know that it’s okay to be more into fantasy things like becoming a mage and living in a cottage, because I know it’s possible. If she sets her heart on that, then she’ll achieve it. I have full faith in her.” 

“You’re a good mother.” Lyney said after a few moments of silence; and he meant it. Another round of silence passed between you as he gathered the courage to ask the question that’s been on his mind ever since he met you a week ago. 

“Is her father in the picture?” He looked down at your left hand, only to see no ring in sight.

You shook your head with a frown. “No. He never was. He didn’t even know about her. We broke up before I found out I was pregnant. But it’s alright, because she has me, and she has her aunt, and that’s all she needs.” 

Lyney hummed. “Sounds like a quaint little family.” 

“We are.” You smiled and let out a sigh as you spotted Erika and Lilia waiting by the Fountain of Lucine. 

Erika noticed you first. Her mouth opened as if she was about to call for you, before her eyes landed on Lyney. A knowing smirk pulled at her lips, and she sent you a wink before turning to distract Lilia. 

Your eye twitched, though you found you didn’t mind her actions. It left you with more time to talk to Lyney. 

“Are you perhaps free this week?” Lyney questioned, a hint of nervousness in his tone. 

You turned to face him. “Well, it depends on the day, but I should be. Fridays tend to be my most free days.” 

You worked at a small cafe in the city three times a week. It wasn’t the best in hours, but the pay was great. It was a step up from your last job, at least. 

A mischievous glint sparkled in Lyney’s eyes. He slipped his arm from yours and brought your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of your hand. “Then I shall see you on Friday at Hotel Debord,” he winked, “It’s a date.” 

You stared after him with your mouth open like a loser, completely taken aback by his forwardness. When you regrouped with Erika and Lilia, your best friend was hounding you with question after question. 

“So? What’d he say!?” 

“I don’t know why you think something happened, we were just talking.” You tried to change the subject, feeling your face heat up in not only embarrassment, but because of the charming magician who caught your eye. 

“Lies!” Erika exclaimed, pointing a finger in your face. “I saw him kiss your hand! That’s not ‘just talking’ to me!” 

You slapped her finger out of your face. “Alright fine! He asked me out, so what?” You crossed your arms over your chest. 

Erika squealed in delight, jumping up and down. She seemed to be more excited about this than you. You could feel your heartbeat race the more you thought about your upcoming date. 

“(Name), I’m so happy for you!” Erika shook your shoulders.

“He– I didn’t want to be with someone anymore,” you said quietly, “I wasn’t planning on it. I just wanted to continue with our little family.” 

Sensing your fear, Erika wrapped you up in a hug. “I know you’re scared to enter the dating scene again, but Lyney seems like a genuinely sweet guy. He’s nothing like he who must not be named. I’ll be here with you every step of the way, okay? I’m right here, like I’ve always been.” 

You hugged her back tightly, shoving your face into her shoulder. “What if he’s not good with Lilia? What if she doesn’t like him?” 

Erika squeezed you. “Are you joking?” she laughed, “do you hear yourself? We’re talking about a man who mostly performs magic shows for children. Have you seen the way he interacts with them? Dare I say that man is ready to have one of his own.” 

A laugh fell from your lips as you thought back to the day you met him. Him and his sister were entertaining your daughter. You could still remember the soft look in their eyes as they spoke with her. 

“You’re right,” you sighed and took hold of Lilia’s hand, “I’ll give him a chance.” 

“That’s the spirit! Let’s get ice cream to celebrate!” Erika shouted, throwing a fist into the air. 

“Ice cream!” Lilia giggled, copying Erika’s actions. 

You watched the two of them race to the aquabus and smiled fondly. “What am I going to do with you two?” 

The week went by smoothly, and with each day that passed, you grew more and more anxious for your date with Lyney. Of course, you were excited, but you were mostly nervous. You haven’t been on a date in years, so you didn’t know how this one would go. You hoped it would be much different from your last one. 

The day before your date, you were working as usual. The sun was beginning to set over the Court of Fontaine, and you were counting down the minutes until you’d be able to clock out and head home to Lilia. You hummed the tune of the song that was currently playing on the cafe’s speakers, Le Souvenir avec le crepuscule, and watched the sky turn into a mix of pinks and oranges. 

Sunsets in the Court of Fontaine were your favorite. Watching the sun fall over the high walls while the cafe played that old tune your grandmother used to sing to you made you feel as if you were living in a fairytale. 

Someone cleared their throat, drawing you out of your stupor. You drew your attention to the customer standing before you. “Apologies for the wait,” you said, “what can I— Oh! Miss Lynette!” 

Standing before you was Lyney’s twin sister and assistant, Lynette. Although the bags under her eyes revealed her exhaustion, her violet eyes sparkled with excitement. She sent you a small, barely noticeable smile. 

“You can drop the formalities. Just Lynette is fine.” She assured you, waving a hand dismissively. “A coffee, please. Just a bit of creamer and one scoop of sugar.” 

You returned her smile and got to work. Humming along to the song on the speakers again, you could feel Lynette’s eyes on you as you worked. It sent a shiver down your spine picturing her calculating gaze in your head. 

Was there something else she wanted? Surely she would’ve already asked for another thing off the menu if that was the case. 

Out of nervousness, you fiddled with the lid to the cup as you brought it to the counter, accidentally spilling some of her hot coffee all over your hand. Crying out in pain, you dropped the cup and clutched your hand. 

Lynette hopped behind the counter at your cry and guided you over to the sink. “Try not to panic.” She gently eased your hand under the faucet. “Keep your hand here for about twenty minutes and keep the water lukewarm.” She instructed, moving away from you. 

Idiot! You scolded yourself. How could you embarrass yourself in front of his sister? And spill her order, of all things!

“Do you have any plant-based ointments at home?” She asked, turning to you with a brand new cup of coffee in her hand. 

You pushed down the feeling of guilt and nodded. “Yes. Lilia has gotten a few burns like this before after I told her not to touch the stove and she did so anyway.” You let out a sigh at the memory. At least she knew not to go and touch things that were hot ever again. 

Lynette let out a soft laugh. “Lyney did that once when we were kids, too. One of our older sisters was cooking, and without thinking, Lyney went up to the stove and grabbed the pot. He cried for a while, and our poor sister was blaming herself for it. Father had always told us not to go near the stove, yet he didn’t listen.”

You let out a loud laugh. “Every child learns. Even we adults learn simple lessons. It’s a part of being human.” 

She hummed in agreement and turned off the faucet. “Thank you for the coffee.” You opened your mouth to protest, when she sent you a sharp look. Understanding the message, you closed your mouth and nodded. 

She let out a content sigh. “I sincerely hope your date with my brother goes well tomorrow.” Ah… So she heard word through the grapevine, did she? “I know he can be a bit much, but he means well. I think you’re just what he needs.” 

If she meant anything by those words, she didn’t elaborate. Instead, she sent you one final smile and left the cafe— not before abruptly stopping to turn around and give you one final message, “Oh, and he asked me to tell you to wear something formal. Have fun.” 

Finding a formal outfit was harder than you initially thought. You couldn’t remember the last time you owned a formal dress or dress suit, and the most “formal” article of clothing you owned was the bridesmaid dress from a friend’s wedding and a sundress that Erika bought you for your birthday while you were still pregnant with Lilia. 

You searched your closet high and low— tearing apart your entire room in the process —to look for anything formal. Yet, you came up empty, and you had approximately two hours before you had to be at Hotel Debord. 

To say you were panicking was an understatement. Erika’s younger sister offered to watch Lilia for you as you and Erika tried to come up with an alternative. 

“I have a ton of formal dresses,” she said, “you know, from all those parties my ex would drag me to? How about one of those?” 

You sent her a look. “Erika, I would not be able to fit into those dresses even if I tried. I lost that ability after having Lilia.” 

“Right, um…” She sent you an apologetic look and hummed in thought. She snapped her fingers. “How about we ask that fashion designer? Chiori, I think? I’m sure she could help!” 

“We have two hours!” You yelled. 

“I’m running out of ideas!” She yelled back defensively.

Now, you were in complete panic mode, pacing around your room with your hands covering your face. “What if I just call it off…” 

Erika’s eyes widened. “No! Are you kidding!? This is your first date in ages, don’t you even dare think about calling it off!” 

She shot up from her spot on your bed and grabbed your shoulders, halting your movements. She squeezed you reassuringly, her expression sincere as she watched tears roll down your cheeks. “We’ll find something, okay? I’m not about to give up, and you shouldn’t either.” 

Bringing you into a tight hug, she revisited her earlier idea. “I have an idea. While I’m gone, you doll yourself up, okay? I shouldn’t be too long.” She grabbed her purse and placed a kiss on your cheek. 

“Don’t worry!” She pointed a finger at you from the doorway. “Erika’s on the case!” 

With a flourish, she slammed the door. 

Finding Lynette was easy. She was occupying a table at the same cafe you worked at, sipping idly on a cup of tea. 

“Miss Lynette!” Erika called, waving a hand in the air as she approached the rather unsociable magician. “Do you have a moment?” 

Lynette sighed disinterestedly. “If you have work related inquiries, please ask Lyney. If you have questions related to seeing a magic show, please ask the ticket office.” 

Erika sat down in the seat next to Lynette. “This isn’t about either. This is about (Name).” 

Lynette’s ears perked up at the mention of your name. “Has something happened?” 

“Not any medical emergencies!” Erika assured. “It’s just… she realized she didn’t have a formal outfit for tonight, and she can’t exactly wear any of my dresses. I was hoping you could pull some strings and get us in with Chiori.”

With another sigh, Lynette opened her mouth. “Please!” Erika quipped, folding her hands together. “I know it’s last minute, but please.” 

A few moments of silence passed. Lynette finished her tea and stood up. “Alright. I’ll try my best, but I can’t guarantee anything.” 

You had just finished doing your hair when the front door to your apartment opened and you heard Erika animatedly talking, followed by two other voices. 

There was a knock on your bedroom door, before Erika swung the door open and beamed at you. You were about to scold her for the intrusion, when the Chiori— famous Inazuman fashion designer Chiori who you always wanted a dress from but you couldn’t afford her services —waltzed in behind her. 

She cringed at the ransacked room. “Ugh, this place looks awful. Did the Gardes run through here?” She clicked her tongue and turned to you. “Stand up, we’re running on— how long again?” 

“An hour.” Erika answered, throwing her purse elsewhere and beginning to clean up your room. 

Lynette entered a moment later, carrying three large boxes. As Erika quickly shoved everything off your bed, Lynette placed the boxes down and opened them. 

Chiori grabbed hold of you and pulled you up from your vanity chair. “Do you mind taking the robe off for me? I need to take your measurements.” 

You did as told and placed your robe on the back of your vanity chair, allowing Chiori to quickly gather your measurements. She hummed in thought, turning to the three boxes sitting on your bed. 

“I brought three sizes. Your usual, a size up, and a size down.” She rummaged through the middle box, pulling out a navy blue dress. “Try this on.” 

She circled you, her eyes calculating as you slipped into the dress and Erika zipped it up in the back. It was flowy, like a ballgown, with a modest front. 

Chiori made a face. “This is atrocious on you. You need something else— something that’ll accentuate your figure and your chest. Strip.” 

She searched through the box on the right, pulling out a blood red dress and handing it to you. “Here. I think this’ll do just that.” 

This dress was a bit looser, but it was perfect. You could freely move your limbs and although it was form-fitting, you could still breathe properly. It cascaded down in a mermaid-like fashion, and there was a slit in the left side of the dress, revealing your thigh. There was lace on the top in a flowery pattern. 

It wasn’t the sort of dress you’d ever wear, but turning to look at yourself in your full length mirror, you gasped as you immediately fell in love with it. 

Chiori smirked smugly. “Now this is perfect. Does the front feel okay?” She tugged at one of the thin straps and pushed the lace down in the front. 

“No, it’s… it’s perfect,” you said breathlessly, placing your hands on your hips. “Are we sure this is me?” 

Erika whistled. “Damn, Lyney’s lucky. And that neckline— your tits have never looked this great! Dare I say this is a baby-making dress, because he’s definitely gonna want to give you another after tonight.” 

You shoved her for that comment. 

Lynette smiled. “You look breathtaking, (Name). Knowing my brother, he’ll be speechless once he sees you. How much time do we have?” 

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Erika cheered. “Five minutes! Just in time! Are there heels to match?” 

“Right here.” 

Chiori pulled a pair of heels out of the box and guided you to your vanity chair. She knelt down, gently taking your calf into her hand and resting your foot on her thigh as slipped your heels on. 

You felt like a princess with all this special treatment. Lynette tugged a black shawl around your shoulders to keep you warm and helped you to your feet. 

Just as you stood up, there was a knock on the front door. Erika squealed, pushing you out of your bedroom. “Now, don’t worry about the mess in your room, I’ll clean it, and Amélia is watching Lilia so there’s no need to worry about her, either.” 

“What about the—“ 

“It’s free of charge,” Chiori interrupted, “I owed Lynette a favor, anyway, since she modeled for me in my last show.” 

You sent her a grateful smile. “Thank you, Chiori. Truly.” 

She sent you a curt nod, though there was a small, barely noticeable smile pulling at her lips.

With a deep breath, you opened the front door, seeing a nervous Lyney standing on the other side. He was wearing a suit, the tie a similar shade of red to your dress, and the hat covered in sparkles. 

He was holding a bouquet of rainbow roses, the same flowers he had given you on your first meeting. As soon as he heard the door open, he looked up, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. His mouth dropped open in shock, and he almost dropped the bouquet in his hands. 

“Mon amour, you look stunning.” He stuttered over his words a little, his cheeks tomato red. 

You felt your cheeks grow warm as he handed you the bouquet. “Thank you. Um… shall we go?” You cleared your throat, handing the flowers off to Erika to put in a vase. 

“Of course.” He offered you his arm, and you took it eagerly. 

The whole night was filled with laughter and wonder, as he continued to surprise you with tricks of charm and awe. He pulled a rose from behind your ear, snapped his fingers and turned the flowers on the table into doves, and turned your cup of juice into wine. 

Being with Lyney felt like you were a teenager again, experiencing young love for the first time. It was invigorating, like free-falling from a mountain peak. 

It was over too quickly. Soon, you had to leave, and he was walking you back home. The streetlamps provided just enough light for you to see in the dark, yet they didn’t outshine the light of the moon over the Court of Fontaine. 

It was a cloudless night. The stars were shining brighter than they have in a long time, and you could’ve sworn you saw a shooting star. Maybe that was just wishful thinking. 

You haven’t seen the sky this clear in years. Has your judgment really clouded your vision this badly? Or has Lyney just brightened up your life without you noticing? 

He bid you farewell at your doorstep, pressing a chaste kiss to the back of your hand. As soon as you stepped inside, you were bombarded with questions from Erika. 

The two of you had a sleepover in your room, wherein you talked her ear off the whole rest of the night. 

The weeks came and went, and the more that time passed, the more Lyney had become integrated into your little family. 

First, it was showing up at your workplace unannounced to bring you lunch (a gesture you found incredibly sweet, but unnecessary since you always packed your own). Then, it was the offer to babysit Lilia for you while you were at work. And of course, your daughter was never going to pass up the chance to watch Lyney’s magic tricks. 

After that, it was fighting with Erika as if she were another one of his sisters. As soon as the two of them began to form a friendship, your heart swelled with affection. 

If your best friend approved of him and considered him one of her friends, you knew he was someone worthy of your time. 

Lynette eventually started coming around too, showing up at your apartment for tea parties and even going as far as playing dolls and dress-up with Lilia. Even Freminet, a sweet boy and the twins’ younger brother, was dragged along to your place too. 

Your little family was growing bigger by the day. It was a tad overwhelming to have so many people in your house again after years of only sharing it with two other people, but at the same time, it felt… revitalizing. You had a family once more. 

And then… the fateful day came. 

As you were tucking Lilia into bed, humming her the same lullaby your grandmother once sung to you, she grabbed your hand and began playing with your fingers. 

“Mama?” 

“Yes sweetheart?” You brushed her hair out of her face and handed her her teddy bear. 

“Can Mr. Lyney be my daddy?” 

In pure shock, your mouth fell open and you struggled to form an answer. You knew Lilia had formed an attachment to him, but you weren’t expecting her to outright ask you if he could be her father. 

You wouldn’t mind it. You’d love for him to be her father. He was already helping you care for her, there just wasn’t an official label on your relationship yet. 

“How about you ask him the next time he visits?” You told her, sending her a smile and placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’m sure he’d love to.” 

That’s exactly what she did. The next time Lyney came over to babysit, Lilia asked him the same question she asked you. And just like you, he had been rendered speechless. 

He never answered her question directly. He was way too shocked to do so, but he did take her words into consideration as he sought out his Father. 

Arlecchino was a stoic faced woman who wasn’t  exactly the best caretaker, but she was making it work in her own way. Although some of her methods of parenting were unusual, they ultimately helped her children prepare for the outside world and to stay unwavering in their resolve. 

She wasn’t forthcoming with her affection for her children. There were roundabout ways she went about showing it, often through gifts. She wasn’t exactly a loving Father nor a parental figure her children needed, but she was enough for them. For now, at least. 

There was a compassion underneath her hard exterior, though it was never obvious with her words. She preferred to let her actions speak for her. 

And by giving the ring her old lover once owned over to Lyney, that same compassion revealed itself. “I wish you luck in your endeavors,” she said, a hint of sincerity peeking through in her voice, “but I hope you understand that by extension, you will be dragging your newfound family into our affairs.” 

Lyney’s frown deepened. “I know. But (Name) is already aware of this, and we had a serious talk about it. She understands.” 

Arlecchino stared at him, her gaze unwavering. “And her daughter?” 

He stiffened. “I don’t want Lilia to be a part of our work. She shouldn’t have to deal with that burden. She deserves a normal childhood.” 

“I trust you will tell her when she’s old enough, then.” 

With a nod, Lyney swallowed the lump in his throat. “I will. Just… not now. She’s too young.” 

Arlecchino let out a satisfied sigh and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Then I give you my blessing.” 

That was all he needed to hear before he bolted out the door, his heart racing with excitement as he ran to you and Lilia.

To home.

notes: the parts with chiori were by far my favorite to write. also, the dress i was picturing was the red version of this one (but in a bigger size obvi). i think we as a society need to appreciate mom bods more. we as a society need to appreciate all body types more. also shoutout to single mothers who do everything they can to make their child(ren) happy while also taking care of themselves too. i have sm respect for them.

© 2024 mikashisus. do not plagiarize, copy, repost, feed to ai, or translate my works to any other platforms.

[ashkabbom]

Nightmares - Mouthwashing

A/n: I finished the draft of this at 3am and finished the English version at 5am😭. I'm not going to lie, I was a little embarrassed while writing this, but I kind of liked how it turned out. Feel free to correct me if I wrote something wrong. English is not my first language and I used the help of translator🎀.

Versión en español en Wattpad: Libro de One Shots - Mouthwashing (Cuenta: ashkabbom)

Versão em português no wattpad: Livro de One Shots - Mouthwashing (Conta: ashkabbom)

Summary/Synopsis: Nightmares keep you awake longer than you want.

Notes: I didn't specify gender and I didn't describe any closer relationship with any character, so you decide the gender and how you see the relationship between them.

→Warning: There is mention of death, blood and suicide here, so be careful or don't read if these are subjects you don't like and doesn't feel comfortable reading, since they are sensitive topics, okay?🫶🏽 Take care of yourself.

Stupid ideas are something common to everyone, right? Well, going after that job, even knowing how strange it seemed for them to accept you so... quickly or easily, that was stupid.

Daisuke and you had been playing Monopoly for a while, maybe 30 minutes. You guessed it was sometime between 3 and 4 in the morning, the moon on the huge screen letting you know that you were definitely not supposed to be awake right now.

It was those few moments that made you feel like yourself again, less crazy. Being among the stars in space was new, you didn't really expect to be here and it was a little strange not talking to other people.

"You can pay me $250" You mentioned with a cheeky smile and a cocky voice.

Daisuke looks at you confused and then at the board. It was already the fourth time he had landed on a property you had purchased, and that in 15 minutes.

"How do you manage to make this game work in your favor?" He asked indignantly.

"Daisuke Daisuke... You need to expand your mind a lot with the knowledge of a true entrepreneur." You explain with elegance and sincerity.

"I still have a lot to learn then" Daisuke says sighing with a raised eyebrow.

"This is already the second property stolen in this game without you seeing it," Anya says as she watches you and Daisuke playing.

"Hey, I thought we were friends." You look at Anya with fake disappointment.

"I thought WE were friends!" He shouts (whispers loudly) in disbelief. "And before that you two were complaining when we were playing UNO."

"Your cards were only good cards! It was impossible for you to have gotten those cards completely randomly," Anya asks, pointing her finger at him.

"What can I do if luck was on my side?" He shrugs smugly.

"What a coincidence that luck was on your side when you were the one who shuffled the cards, huh?" You point out with a doubtful tone. "Quite a coincidence."

"A twist of fate," he quickly retorts. "By the way, you were the one who brought the UNO deck, who can guarantee that you hadn't already left the deck ready for you to deal the cards?"

"Are we really arguing about UNO this early in the morning?" Anya asks with a slight smile.

"It's for the power of being right and not being accused of false crimes" Daisuke answers simply. "But I think I've had enough of Monopoly, this game takes longer than I remember and is more fun with more than two people, since Anya didn't want to play"

"Of course I'm playing! I'm the bank!" She says, feeling wronged.

"Just handing out the money doesn't count, you're not playing in the game with us" He retorts once more, pointing at her face.

"He's right," you reply as you start to put the game away. "But I swore we had more board games here on the ship."

"And we have, I remember having more than these three at least.." Anya says a little thoughtfully. "It must be in someone's room I think"

The three of you start to put away the games you had brought there together without much fuss, although Daisuke said that one of the Monopoly dice was missing.

You never imagined meeting the two of them during one of your sleepless days. Anya you had met before when you were sleep deprived once, but Daisuke was new, out of all the others you thought he would be the one who would have perhaps the best sleep because he was an intern.

This goes down the drain when he says that sometimes he lies awake thinking only that this time he heard footsteps in the hallway, probably yours, so he went to see who it was and was lucky that it was you and Anya. If it were any of the other three, he didn't know if he would be able to make any conversation flow more smoothly.

That's how you ended up playing some games during the early hours of the morning. Daisuke suggested you guys maybe play something in silence while you talked, coincidentally you had some games.

"Did you imagine yourself working here when you did the job interview?" This time it was Anya who started a conversation.

"I was kind of pushed here, so I was hoping so," Daisuke says, remembering how he got here. "But I didn't really want to be accepted here."

"I didn't even expect to get a job so quickly, I had resigned a week earlier from another job" You say as you plop down on the couch, the two board games on your side with the UNO deck on top.

"And why did you resign?" The boy asks curiously, throwing himself on the couch and stretching.

"My boss was my ex, and he was my ex for a reason, I think that was already a reason for me to rethink whether my workplace was good or at least tolerable." You say it simply. "But obviously there were other reasons, I almost sued the place where I worked, but that's a story for another day."

"And then you came to work in such a cool place like Pony Express, what a great thing" Anya says sarcastically, sitting down next to him.

"I needed a job, water, electricity and food bills are not paid with anything" You sigh sadly. "But I think I'm going to quit when we get back, it's not necessarily rock bottom here but it's not a good thing either."

"I think I'd feel a little better if I knew less about what we were transporting into space." Daisuke complains and rests his head on his hand.

"That's a fair reason, I hadn't thought about that side of things just now.." She stops to think if at any point they had received any information about the thing that you were all transporting.

"Hmmm.. That kind of company must transport food or water, things like that, right?" You assume that it must be based on what little you know.

So you stay in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the calm that night..

Now the silence seemed like the worst torture.

If you had known that, I think you would have been better prepared to try to deal with the situation, or... I don't know. You can't even imagine knowing how to deal with this. You just want to go back to that night and make it last a lifetime.

You hugged your friend with all your strength, saying that everything was going to be okay and that she was going to be okay, you were going to go back home, you were going to play together again.

"NO NO NO! God, please tell me this is a lie!" You sob through your tears. "Anya! Please talk to me! Don't say that's true!"

She didn't respond at all, her eyes, now lifeless, staring upward, blood staining her mouth and chin.

You begged her to be a lie and just mess with you, to wink and laugh at how desperate you were and tell her she was fine. Everything seemed so unreal, so weird and heavy.

Crying is the only thing you could do right. You don't even know how long you stood there with her in your arms.

But then you freeze.

You freeze when you notice Daisuke's silence in the other room, you sob and just hear Jimmy say something about letting him think he was going to fix everything.

Carefully letting go of Anya's body you stand up.

That's not true, is it?

As you enter the other room you look to the side and feel like vomiting.

"Daisuke, no no no... Daisuke answer me, please look at me, please please..."

Screaming and crying you go next to Daisuke's body now in silence, running your hand over his face.

Gosh, you didn't even know what to do. On one side was Anya's body and on the other was Daisuke's body.

All you could do was beg any God that could hear you at that moment, beg that all of this was just a terrible dream and that your friends were okay.

They still had so many dreams, you still had so many things to do together. Even if you never left the ship and died here, you would get through this together.

What had you done to deserve this? What had Anya done to deserve a future like this? Daisuke still had so much to live for.

A few minutes pass with you sitting on the floor, now holding Daisuke's body in your arms, running your hands through his hair, saying that tomorrow is another day, that he would talk excitedly to you again..

You remember hearing Swansea yelling to go after Jimmy, but at this point you couldn't tell what you were imagining and what was real.

You lay him down again.

Everything would be sorted out tomorrow.

You walk towards the kitchen in that room.

This is all too much for your head.

You grab something from the kitchen.

Everything was going to be fine

You move automatically, and then blood gushes from your neck, the knife falls and then your body.

Curse this nightmare you lived in.

[gem-de-lune]

might seem like a weird question but hear me out lol. Is there something that represents BRII7E in Seunghan and/or the members’ minds? Something that we are like to him/them? I remember a reading you did for Seunghan where it referred to us as “his stars that drive him forward”. Does he see us that way or as something like that?

Soooo this ended up being a bit more profound than I think we were expecting lolol.

Initially as an overall energy for this reading as far as how all the boys feel, I've pulled the 6 of Cups.

This is very spot on if you are familiar with my Riize readings at all- and indicates some overall pleasant memories and feelings, particularly that they look back on. But the keyword here is memories as in past tense. I digress.

In pulling for Seunghan I was thinking he would say something more tangible as you had stated like stars. But he was shockingly more profound- the members even more so but we will get to that in a bit. Just dont be shocked by these pulls!

I also wanna put out there and I have said this MANY times but Seunghan does NOT differentiate between OT6 and OT7 the way other members do. He sees everyone and understands everyone and this is such a lovely unique quality of his that both makes him loveable and beautiful as well as hurts him sometimes. Please keep this in mind- he does not really hate anyone, even those who hate him.

How Seunghan Sees Briize:

Death, Page of Swords, The World

I know it seems kinda daunting. Let's start with the page. This one is almost to the T what Briize is to begin with. Victory seeking and seeking to put forth plans and actions. However, she is also literally the breeze carrying out everything. Swords are of the air element. I believe Seunghan truly sees Briize as the wind that can carry a seemingly hopeless bird like himself to new horizons. He has been able to keep going so many times solely due to Brii7e and their effort and love towards him.

The Death card always screams ending to me. But paired with the World card here, it's giving "you are my end and my beginning". There is a song that immediately popped up in my head which is Outro: Tear by BTS (group unrelated it's just the lyrics I'm talking abt here that are helpful in deciphering this complexity of emotion) and the final lines of the song are:

"You're my beginning and my end, that is all. My meeting and my farewell, that was all. You were everything, and from now on, my fear will be repeated, caused by you, tear, tear."

(The 2nd to last "tear" is tear as in tearing paper, and the final "tear" is tear as in crying.)

This is a super complex feeling. On one hand he sees Briize as EVERYTHING quite literally. The sole benefactor, the ones that control his fate. Sometimes he may feel grateful and others sad that more cannot be done. As if he is begging on his knees for more whilst knowing it can't be. Like begging to a God who has shown you mercy but can only do so much for you. He may feel bad for being slightly resentful sometimes. But at the same time, Brii7e is his only lifeline. He cannot remain bitter or blame Briize, he is just hyper aware of the fact that everything that is- is only due to Briize. He is scared that one day the cycle of life will run it's course and he will also have to face this death- an ending of sorts. Until now he has always been awakened by Brii7e. He will always be able to move forward because of Brii7e, but at the same time there's this fear that maybe one day you will no longer be there to lift him up.

I hope that made sense. Briize is quite literally his everything. His Breeze. Beginning and end. Everything in between. The air he breathes that keeps him alive.

Like I said, it is very profound and way more complex than I could have expected as usually Seunghan is rather- not surface level but just not as clear when it comes to deeper emotions. He must have had time to think about this in the physical realm.

If I had to give this emotion a literal tangible representation, another prominent analogy is that of a plant's life cycle.

If Seunghan is like a flower, Briize is everything from the sun that shines on him, maybe burns his petals from how bright it is, the water that satiates him, the earth that he roots himself in, the wind that carries him as a seed once he withers to start all over again.

I was going to also do the other members, but they seem to be in disagreement about something amongst themselves. Not in relation to SH- but in relation to all of their fans as a whole. Please do not ask if the member don't want SH back- it isn't about that. It's just very varying opinions about Briize as a whole that I will have to do something separately at a later date bc it will throw this reading off.

Thanks for this request!!

[unintentionalseductress]

💌DM/inbox to join! Collab deets can be found here!

💌Status: closed

💌Deadlines: February 14 th to join, March 14th to submit

FIC REQUESTS:

Love And Deepspace:

@laddelulu30 Matchmaker: @illusionaryennui Fic: Without Jewels or Coin Summary: It's in the cards, she says. The Lovers and the Fool. Datura blooms and something sweeter suffuses chance where dragons tempt, where Nature herself is set to wander. Dare to claim what's yours?

@reilemon Matchmaker: @espace--positif Fic: When Stars Align Summary: Perhaps this is all it takes for love to bloom. A blind date, a chance encounter, an alignment of proverbial stars.

@who-mentioned-rhys-larsen Matchmaker: @reilemon Fic: Sweet Stardust Summary: You'd never expect to be set up on a blind date with Xavier - the one man you’ve been hopelessly crushing on for months.

@ollieneedsamilkshake Matchmaker: @pomegranatepip Fic: Lazy Mornings Summary: Zayne is a textbook workaholic but if it comes down to choosing between extra work and spending time with you. well. he's a weak man.

@poisonf0rest Matchmaker: @who-mentioned-rhys-larsen Fic: A lil' bit of love Summary: You get a bit too drunk and your lover had to help

@espace--positif Matchmaker: @unintentionalseductress Fic: Check Please! Summary: While trying to avoid the disappointment of the current dating pool you almost end up offending your blind date.

@pomegranatepip Matchmaker: @poisonf0rest Fic: Blind Date?!? Summary: Caleb realizes he hates seeing you deal with stupid boys and blind dates— especially when he's right here.

@unintentionalseductress Matchmaker: @laddelulu30 Fic: Blind Date Stem Summary: For Caleb, all you need to do is say yes.

@illusionaryennui Matchmaker: @ollieneedsamilkshake Fic: First-Date Forecast? Summary: You're a disaster when it comes to your first date with this mystery guy.

Jujutsu Kaisen:

@lazyjellyfish300 Matchmaker: @ravenclaw-jojo Fic: What's In A Name? Summary: That one barista notices you.

@thesoftuglywrites Matchmaker: @lazyjellyfish300 Fic: Lightning Strikes Twice Summary: It all began with meeting Nanami Kento at a ruined MCR concert one night in Vegas that was as fleeting as it was passionate. But, sometimes fate has a funny way of repeating itself when he shows up as your blind date years later.

@melpomenes-muse Matchmaker: @socyx Fic: Threaded In Between Summary: You could count on one hand the things you didn’t hate about your roommate, toji fushiguro. between late-night banter, patched-up jackets, and whiskey shared on a cluttered apartment floor, you start to realize that maybe home isn’t a place—it’s a grumpy, scarred bastard who knows how to get under your skin.

@flaneur001 Matchmaker: @thesoftuglywrites Fic: Brat (affectionately) Summary: Sukuna is your blind date! Oh dear.

@socyx Matchmaker: @melpomenes-muse Fic: Kyoto Is for Lovers Summary: Could a begrudgingly agreed to blind date with an egotistical CEO lead to something more…something lasting?

@ravenclaw-jojo Matchmaker: @flaneur001 Fic: Lost and Found Summary: In a world where love is as unpredictable as fate, a chance encounter between the protagonist and Toji Fushiguro sparks an intense yet complicated romance.

[lovelyfantasia]

Garden of Eden

PAIRING: Ian Malcolm x fem!reader

SUMMARY: Y/n is a transfer student to her new college where her last year is about to start and she needs one more good night out. Going to a bar two towns away changed her fate of the night, having an older man in her arms by the end of it. What she wasn’t expecting is that she would see him a few days later – teaching the class.

WORDCOUNT: 2,417

A/N: I got this idea when I listened to the song Garden of Eden by Lady Gaga and I just had to write it for my first Ian Malcolm imagine. Shoutout to Mother Monster for making yet another banger album to blast in my car this summer.

<><><>

“I’m honestly so excited for tonight. I just know I’m going to be chain locked to the library for the next few weeks, so I need this.” you say as you triple check your small black bag to see if you didn’t forget anything while in the back of the taxi. 

Your childhood best friend, Marina, agrees with you and goes on about how she wants the night to go. You hear her going on about wanting to find at least one cute guy, which drinks she’ll be devouring, toying with the idea of using a fake name with guys, but you’re too focused on finding cash for cover to get in. 

“Fuck- I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cut you off, but do you have cash to get in? I completely forgot to grab some. Oh, but I managed to remember to bring a condom in case of anything. Doubtful, but prepared,” you say and you can see the taxi driver look at you kind of surprised through his rearview mirror. 

“Oh yeah, no worries. So, you’re going to be on the prowl tonight?”

“Hardly. Even when I say I will, I never do anything about it. Plus, I can never find a guy that’ll reciprocate the same energy I can give off. It’s a you and me night…unless we manage to get something and in that case, I’ll let you do your thing.” you two laugh and feel the car come to a halt. Marina hands the driver exact change and off you guys were to the bottom door of the bar. 

The line is short, thanking your lucky stars. Lines anywhere drove you insane, especially waiting to get into a bar. You were the kind of person to get to it when you arrived somewhere, but Marina had the patience of a saint. Patience for you was kind of a joke and maybe that had something to do with the fact that you transferred colleges for your last year to come live back home with your family. 

After checking the IDs and handing over the money, Marina and you were off to the races of getting the night started. Music was already going, the place slowly but surely filling up with people of all ages, mainly younger.  

“What can I get for you two?” The very tall, very cute bartender asked.

“Can we please get a dirty Shirley and a tequila soda with a splash of orange juice, double for both? Thank you!” you tell him. 

“You have to be one of the most polite people I’ve ever met when interacting with a bartender.”

“What about it? They have to deal with annoying, drunk people all the time. The worst being the drunk college students who never tip enough.”

“Oh and you think you fall outside of that?”

“Well, I’m not an annoying drunk and I tip well,” Marina laughs at your commentary, but it falls short when she sees a stranger making particular eye contact your way. She finds him quite handsome, but definitely not her cup of tea. He visibly looks older than them and she knows you aren’t afraid of a little bit of an age gap. 

“Now, don’t make it obvious, but there’s a guy across the bar staring right at you. Dark rimmed glasses, curly brown hair, black button down, rings too,” she whispers in your ear. After handing the bartender your card, you casually look over at him and you can feel his gaze burn right back at you. Shamelessly doing so, which for you felt surprising since attention like this doesn’t come your way too often when you make your appearances out. 

You couldn’t deny how drop dead handsome he was to you. Almost like he had the essence of a Greek God, his face trapped in the ancient statues that brighten up The MET. He was even tanned to the Gods, making his hazel eyes pop more under the lighting of the bar even from behind his glasses. 

The usual move for you when you get stared at like this is to look away and ignore it completely, sending the hint that you don’t give a shit. But this stranger in the night has a gravitational pull you’ve never encountered before. 

You just knew he was going to be irresistible if you two cross paths tonight. 

“Jesus Christ, stop the staring contest and go over to him!”

“Wha- no! Oh my God, no. I can’t.”

“Okay…then let's see what happens when you’re left all alone.” she saunters away to the girls bathroom to leave the bait for him to approach you. You saw at least three guys turn their heads when she made her way over and applauded her in your head. She was hot, you always reminded her. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you made out that the guy next to him patted Mr. Greek God on his shoulder and the blondie next to the friend playfully rolled her eyes. Huh, so he didn’t come alone, you thought to yourself. You fully look down into your drink, swirling around the ice with your straw. 

“You know, I saw the bartender have quite a heavy pour of tequila in that. I hope you know what you’re in for tonight,” your head whips to your left, coming face to face with the man who couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. 

“And what exactly am I in for?” a smile spreads wide on his face and a laugh finally escapes him. 

To answer your flirtatious question, he reaches out his hand in front of you. 

“I’m Ian.”

“I’m Y/N,” and you two finally introduce yourselves with a proper handshake. You can see his two friends talk close to each other from across the bar while keeping their eyes’ on you two. “Looks like we have an audience,” you guide your eyes over to them and Ian sheepishly laughs. 

“Yeah, uh, those are my colleagues. I apologize for them and their very obvious gossiping.”

You see Marina come out of the bathroom and stop dead in her tracks at the sight of him in front of you. She makes the decision to sit near where Ian was originally to keep an eye on you, for protective purposes. Also, of course she wants to see you succeed with this one if he isn’t a creep. 

“And now there’s a third. Isn’t that the girl you were with when you arrived?”

“Yeah, that’s my best friend. We’re having a girls night out- well, was having one.”

“Did I disrupt your plans?”

You look over at her and a devilish grin sits prettily on her face while she watches the interaction go down. 

“Not exactly. We’re the kind of people who let in unpredictability into our nights. More fun that way, ya know?” you smile at him and take another sip of your cocktail. He looks like he wants to give a remark, but would rather show you instead of letting words do all the work. 

“So like chaos theory?”

“Excuse me?” Ian proceeds to explain it the best way he can, then grabs your cup from your hand to use your beverage as his partner in his best flirting trick he’s ever used. 

Ellie and Alan widen their eyes, knowing exactly what he’s about to do. 

“That son of a bitch,” Ellie says humorously to Alan. Marina overhears and pins that comment for later to tell you. Strike 1, Marina thought to herself.

You put your hand out like a hieroglyphic, as Ian told you to do. The first droplet on your middle knuckle rolls backwards down your wrist and all you could think about were how hot he was and that the orange juice certainly will leave your hand a bit sticky. 

“Now which way do you think the next one will roll?”

“Let’s say the same way,” and Ian put the second droplet on the same knuckle, but it rolls forward. He does a fake surprise gasp.

“You see- uh tiny variations and the orientation of the hairs on your skin as well as imperfections in the skin-”

“Imperfections?” you say with a chuckle.

“Microscopic, no worries. They never repeat and very well affect the outcome. Now what does that sound like to you?” He says as he continues to gently rub the back of your hand. You could see his darken, golden, perfect skin up close and feel how soft it was against your’s. You wondered how those same hands would feel grabbing at your waist on the dancefloor that’s six feet away. 

You lean a bit closer to him and slowly spread a smirk on your lips. “Unpredictability.”

Naivety and you weren’t friends; you were nobody’s fool. But right now, being a fool felt like the best decision you could make that night. 

He grabs your drink yet again and keeps a hold of your hand as he brings you to the dancefloor. Surprised by his bold move, your first instinct was to yank back your hand and walk away, but he set the scene a little too good for you to turn down this role. 

“Whatcha look at this, I unexpectedly brought you here because I couldn’t help but want to dance with you,” he hands you back your drink and you stare at him with a bewildered look in your eye. “Now that’s chaos theory.”

The lights grew dimmer, more people filled the place, and you were already three drinks when Ian finally had the courage to put his hands on you. Ellie miraculously got Alan to dance and when he didn’t enjoy a particular song, Ellie and Marina ended up dancing with one another. 

Loose lips Sattler, a paleobotanist who rarely drinks, befriended Marina in the bathroom while you were giving Ian the attention he was pining for the minute he saw you walk through the door. Marina had questions, Ellie had the answers, and Marina wanted to drag you to a bathroom stall to tell you who exactly you were dealing with. 

You were too busy feeling relaxed and going with the flow of the night. Most nights out you were the one with the social anxiety, interactions with people feeling like a chore and not feeling to dancy. Having someone like Ian right behind you with actual good music to dance to, the night was young and yours for the taking. 

“I don’t mean to be crass, but fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

If he can geek out over his chaos theory, you are ready to use your knowledge as a flirtatious tool too.

“Cubitum eamus?” you say into his ear over the loud music.

“Yeah, sweetheart, that just sounds Greek to me.”

“It’s Latin.”

“What does it mean?” you pull your head back and smile into his eyes. Not a sexy sinister look, no no. One of innocence, one of that you could do no wrong. 

“Wanna find out?” You wink at him and walk over to Marina, who’s at the bar getting another drink for herself.

“There you are! Look, you’re never going to believe what I found out?”

“And you’re never going to believe what I have planned in the next thirty minutes. It’s looking like I’m not going home with you tonight. Before you say anything, this was my doing, not his. He’s not creepy, thank God and he’s smart. Like nerdy smart! It’s perfect," you say in your ecstatic state.

Marina was ready to just spill it all and give you no room to prepare what you were about to hear. But seeing you glow in a way she hasn’t seen in quite a while, she bit her tongue for the sake of you having your needed fun. 

“Please be safe. And you better tell me everything tomorrow!” You make your way back to Ian, but whatever high you managed to capture was turning sour by the second. 

Another girl was trying to dance with him and you couldn’t tell if he was trying to hold back from enjoying himself or rejecting her altogether. 

You could’ve been that girl to admit defeat and give up on the conquest that gave you butterflies when his hands found your hips while dancing. But why let yourself fail on a moment that comes your way so rarely?

Ian sees you walk back up to him and he slides from her smoothly to come face to face with you. 

“Did you find out what it means?”

“No! You’ve stumped me and I don’t get stumped, missy.” you laugh and make his ear lean closer to your lips. 

“If we can get out of here, I can show you a great example on a bed.”

Ian met his match. Someone to beat him at his own game. He was astonished with your forwardness and wasn’t sure if that was the liquid courage helping you out. Either way, game sees game and you two were ready to play each other. 

“Shall we?” he says to you with his hand out for you to take. Ian takes one last look at Ellie and Alan for the night, catching their eyes’ and winking with a smile. 

“Checkmate,” says Alan to Ellie. They watch in disbelief of you two making your way out of the bar and into the thick heat of the summer night. 

Kisses haven’t even been exchanged yet and here you are, being the one to ask to sleep with him. You played it cool inside, but were dying of shock when he happily agreed to go home with you. Not only was he notably older than you, but he wanted you. Not your best friend, not his colleague, not even the girl who was trying to dance with him when you stepped away. You were the object of all his desires for the night and you were willing to give right into them. 

He hauled a taxi with one good whistle. One hand in his mouth to make such a loud noise while the other held your hand. One of the cars waiting to bring someone home safely whips up in front of you two alongside the sidewalk. The moment you entered that vehicle, you knew what you were about to get yourself into. 

“How about we go back to my place? I don’t live too far from here, if that’s fine with you.”

“Sounds good to me,” and with that, the night just began for something you’ve never done before with a stranger in familiar territory.

<><><>

A/N: Part 2 is on the way :)

[tsunael]

wolcred week |  1. 'the first.'

They all knew it was coming. Either their brightest star would claim the last of the Light, or the Light would claim her.

What were they to do but careen to their inevitable deaths? He had sacrificed one lamb for another, and now a third was to be laid upon the butcher's block. How many must die so that another might live?

He would not forget the sight of the woman before him, holding her outstretched hands aloft as the curtain of Light parted one last time to reveal the night sky in all her glory. Menphina smiled down in a smirk of a crescent for their efforts, and just as she had appeared, was the curtain drawn once again.

He didn’t need an aetherometer to see that Tsuna was suffused– the aether was thick, cloying enough to be seen. The ewer of her body failed to contain it, finally splitting at the seams for a means of escape.

Their ascian friend dealt the final blow. The Exarch, in his well-meaning duplicity, left for dead. And then Tsuna slumped to the ground, just as lifeless.

He ought to be angry– furious– for Urianger’s joint deception, for his own empty hands, or for the cards Sister Fate had dealt them time and time again, but the queer feeling roiling within him was not one of anger, but of fear. He stood there, powerless, shaking to his core whilst the twins rushed to Tsuna’s aid alongside Ryne.

Even Minfilia could not wholly extinguish the Light– she could only freeze it in time– and as Ryne sank to her knees beside the supine woman in hopes of doing the same, he could only watch in abject horror.

“Give her room,” he barked, though the twins were undeserving of his ire as he approached. They still took a collective step back.

Brilliant white blood readily trickled from Tsuna’s nose, and by way of her laboured breathing it was evident that she was being torn apart by a force of which a layman could not hope to see. Something within Tsuna was stirring, whether it was brought about by her own will, or by Ryne’s suppression, he couldn’t know.

It began first in her hands as they twitched and grasped for purchase, then her spine as it coiled. Her eyes snapped open, hungry and searching, as she lunged for the Oracle’s throat in hopes of supping upon the wellspring.

Thancred fell to his knees, wrestling the woman onto her back as an inhuman screech tore from her throat. “Don't stop!”  he cried out, harsh with concerted effort. There was an unnatural strength burgeoning within her tiny frame that even as a man grown he struggled to contend with, and if Ryne did not finish the ritual, it would swallow them whole.

Ryne was shaken, but nothing if not determined. The power flowed through her once more, and Tsuna’s struggles came to a head. She thrashed upon the ground against his weight, spitting blood, and gnashing teeth. She would bite her tongue if it kept up-- he could barely hold her steady long enough for Ryne to work in her magicks. 

“In our lifetime, please!” 

"I'm trying!" "Ryne made a frustrated growl of effort as a bead of sweat rolled down her cheek. The very aether about them seemed to compress, tangible enough that even he could feel it become leaden as it coalesced.

Tsuna cried out one last time, waning to a whine as she pushed wildly against his arms, seizing. Her legs writhed as if a sudden, great pain knifed through her. And then all was silent. 

Ryne immediately flagged, catching herself on the marble. Her power had all but been exhausted whilst he held the aftermath limp in his arms. Y’shtola and Urianger had begun to crowd about, to inquire, to plan, to move, but all he could do was hold the small woman in his arms, and pray to the Twelve, unseen, that the Light did not break through once again whilst their last bastion was too weak to hold.

“Ryne,” he called, softly, intently. Apology was writ together in his tone. “Are you all right?”

She nodded, though he knew she waned, looking close to tears from it all.

He swallowed thickly, realising he shared in the sentiment. 

Adjusting Tsuna’s body in his arms, he felt just how cold she had grown. They needed a chirurgeon's assistance, and to get off this Godsforsaken rock, but more than that they needed a miracle. His hands would not stop trembling.

“Ryne, you know that I would not deign to ask a favour of you.” He breathed for a long moment, hanging his head low in penance. “Gods–” He swore. “You have to help her. I– We can’t lose her to this.”

Ryne stared back at him, having caught her breath, eyes wide, and glassy. She was searching him for something he couldn't know.

She opened her mouth, before aborting the question. Finally, she pursed her lips, looking uneasy in a way that only managed to make him feel worse. 

“I’ll do what I can,” she whispered, and he had no choice but to believe.

[yandere-romanticaa]

🍂 tear you apart.

❝ i want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart. as i whisper in your ear - i want to fucking tear you apart. ❞

yandere! various! ghostface! characters x gn! reader.

inspired by the song "tear you apart" by she wants revenge.

just a compilation of characters that i think would be interesting for this. happy friday the 13th!

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄 ! (genshin impact.)

After years of training and endless carnage, it's only natural for a person to develop specific tastes for the darker aspects of life. Battle and blood were Childe's bread and butter but due to his friendly and frankly charming exterior no one could tell that the young man was a ruthless killer.

Provided that he hides his Harbinger status that is.

There were times when his status was a hastle but there were always some perks, always some string for him to pull and make everything go in the way he wanted them to go. Sometimes, that would include people.

But now, that included you.

Upon first meeting him there was an addictive and boyish charm to the ginger haired man and he had you completely wrapped around his fingers. His pockets were deep but so was his heart and frankly, how dare you just steal it? How dare you be so careless? Don't get him wrong, he wasn't mad per say but he still wanted to teach you a lesson or two, just to make it all stick to your feeble little mind.

He started with your neighbors first.

Childe watches comfortably from high above, hidden away in a tea shop as natives of Liyue Harbor scamper back to their homes as darkness nears. A serial killer is on the loose and the shop owner in which Childe was in had no idea that he just served the man responsible for the deaths of 3 different families. He sipped his tea with content, his heart pounding with excitement. The blade in his pocket was itching for its next victim but he had to be patient.

Patience was a virtue after all.

And once he was done, he was going to claim his prize.

In the meantime, he was going to be nothing less than a sweet and doting friend who was just worried for you. It was only a matter of time when you would fall into his greedy hands and you didn't even know it.

𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐈 𝐆𝐎𝐆𝐎𝐋 ! (bungo stray dogs.)

Meeting him was not by choice but you were bound by fate, or so the clown liked to tease.

He stopped you on the street in order to show you a card trick. It was simple but it did the job, he impressed you even if just barely. You'd sigh and turn your head but Nikolai did not fail to see the blush on your cheeks.

He was a man on a mission. Why not indulge himself, just for a little bit?

The public always was fond of a good show and why not give them one in the form of a crazy mass murderer? Donning on a mask and a long black cape his escapade began, his ability was so useful for this.

However, you were always his favorite target.

It started out small, at first. He would use his ability to touch you and to steal your things, particularly if he knew you were alone at home. Seeing that confused expression on your face became a past time of his. His fingers would brush against your cheeks, his touch barely there, like a wandering phantom. Sometimes he would be bolder and press his hand gently against your ribs, maybe even be cheeky and smack your behind ever so playfully.

After a few weeks of this song and dance, watching wasn't enough.

You answered his first call, which pleased him greatly. He gave you impossible riddles and forced you to answer humiliating and degrading questions, all under the threat that he was in your house and was going to kill you lest you complied.

Of course, he had no intentions of doing that. Perhaps he would one day. But for now, he would continue to paint the streets crimson with blood and make you squirm in your seat.

It became his reason for living.

𝐊𝐀𝐅𝐊𝐀 & 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄 ! (honkai star rail.)

Ah, these two psychos. Where do I start?

Their plans are at first glance, all over the place. Attacks are random and they do not necessarily always go for the big fish too. Sometimes it's a poor street vendor who was just doing their job but his life meant nothing in the end.

Kafka was the main mastermind. Blade was the one who did most of the dirty work.

Her plans were meticulous, deadly. She would come crawling to you from the shadows, her jacket draped over your shoulders as she'd coo into your ear, her face bloody from her latest victim as she toyed with her mask, a carefree smile on her face. You couldn't see him but Blade was also behind you, his presence was impossible to miss. He was large and imposing, like a phantom that couldn't find peace.

Could you perhaps give him something that he couldn't have? If he can't have you in life, can he have you in death?

There was no escaping them, never ever. Dare to try and there would be consequences.

They were so in love with you to the point of madness. The question was - were they going to keep you alive and leashed or were they just that insane to stab you in the heart?

If they can't have you, no one can.

𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘 ! (Moriarty the Patriot.)

The streets of London are filled to the brim with gossip and paranoia as the Lord of Crime made his move the previous evening, slaughtering yet another poor noble in his family home. The papers reported that his own children found the corpse, the poor little things.

You hurried to show William the morning paper, morbidly curious about his opinion on this.

Said man could be found lounging about in a cushy, plush red love seat, a hot cup of tea served in front of him by none other than his brother. The two were lost in their own chatter until you abruptly stopped them. Like a sudden storm you pounced on William, his red eyes widening in shock as he tried to calm you down with a sweet smile on his face. You bombarded him with endless questions - who could do something like this, why was it this messy, was the killer sending a message? - all of it came out at such lightning speed that William didn't really understand half of what you said.

It was wrong to corner him like this and let out your frustrations on the man this early in the morning. You knew every single person that died in these past few weeks, all of which were either minor annoyances or massive obstacles in your day to day life.

When it came down to it, their only connection was with you.

Was the police going to come knocking at your door? It was possible! You had no involvement with the crimes but it was incredibly suspicious how everything was connected, like a spiderweb that was being crafted day by day.

It was difficult for William to keep his smirk concealed that morning.

Hours had passed since that interaction and he was back at it, his new victim. He incorporated the fact that you were most likely going to be incriminated in this scheme but it was still in his best interest. It was not difficult to tamper with evidence and blackmail people if need be and best of all, you would always come running to him, scared and worried, for both yourself and the people around you. It was beyond precious how you tell him to not go after sun down, how you made sure to check to see if he was injured or ill.

If you kept doting him like this, he might just slit the throat of every single person that steps foot into London.