#there's much more to the whole thing but that's it for now I'm too tired
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sillyuin · 3 days ago
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hi <3! was wondering if i can get svt reaction to yn being completely oblivious to them flirting with her? subtle things like while she’s just ranting about her day they’d move closer to her and she’d absentmindedly put her hand on their chest to push them away still running her mouth, just completely unaware of what’s happening. and even the most obvious things like compliments or physical touch, yn is blind to it and it’s so frustrating to them
so yeah, hope you see this! ❤️
Hi! I'm sorry for being so late 😭 i've been very busy with job and housework, but it's finally here.
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Svt reacts: Flirting vs clueless s/o. Who will win?
Yuin's note: barely proofread. I'ts 1 am and I'm tired.
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Seungcheol. Staring at your face.
I mean, he likes to just stare at you as if he's watching the prettiest person in the world, but when Seungcheol wants to be especially flirty, he stares at you fondly and smiling with the whole intention to make your heart skip a beat, he even glances at your lips, as if he were trying to say something. Most of the time that's enough to make you really, really shy but when is not... Geez, he has to breathe in and ends up pouting a little (Probably one or two pecks will make him feel better).
Jeonghan. Teasing.
Is like his default love language, making harmless jokes to see you flustered all over him is just so fun to watch. But, is he really just trying to be a teaser, or is there something else behind? "I took the chair, but you can sit on my lap" he said one day, sitting at your desktop, with the most mischievous smile possible. But you didn't fall for his charm and as you kept your annoyed face, he stood up and sighed "Okay, all yours". And you better be ready because he's not forgetting so easy, and will keep teasing you just a little (yeah, a little) more than usual.
Joshua. Back hugging.
When Joshua wants your attention only and only for him, he goes where you are to hug you from the back, resting his chin on your shoulders and crossing his arms around your waist. Oh, he loves it so much is so tender, but he gets lowkey hurt when you don't react in any way because, how come you don't realize his intentions? Is really doing the dishes way more important than his warm hugs? Now, this is personal and Joshua won’t let you go, take it as a punishment for being so clueless (reward or punishment?).
Jun. Tickles.
For him, tickles is the perfect excuse to be closer to you. It's so obvious that hurts lol. Most of the time you melt in his touch, and you both end up laughing and sharing some kisses, but sometimes you're minding your business, too busy to realize that Jun wants to get your attention. Better get ready because you'll have a pouty little cat going around the apartment, and will NOT forget your offense unless you give him extra cuddles before bed.
Hoshi. Random "facts".
At the least appropriate time, he would come to find you. "Did you know that there is a minimum number of kisses that a person should receive per day to be healthy?" he says with a very serious expression on his face. And there you are, standing in the middle of the living room while you're brushing your teeth; your soulless expression says all. Hoshi turns around and pretends nothing happened, but in his mind, he's sitting in the corner staring at the walls.
Wonwoo. Making compliments out of nowhere.
He likes to pour you with sweet words, like how much he appreciates your homemade food, or that you did it great at work. From time to time, he thinks is fun to be a little sassy and his praises are very, very intentional. “New gloss?” he says, grinning at you “It looks good” and for some frigging reason you just start talking about how you got it? Babe, Wonu doesn’t care that much that you bought it because your favorite gloss wasn’t on stock, but now he feels a little shy to speak and just lets you tell the whole story.
Woozi. Playing with your hair.
When it comes to be openly flirty, Woozi tends to be a little coy. You rarely notice it since it's very common for him to be around you, caressing your hair and playing with the strands in complete silence. So when you get distracted he places a strand behind your ear, exposing your neck. But when he's so close to place a kiss, you jump like a scared kitten. "No! It tickles!" Woozi looks down, defeated, as you move away. "Sorry, be right back" and he locks himself in his room for the next hour.
Minghao. Holding your hand.
He thinks your hands are more than just pretty. Hao likes to take one of them when you're sitting by his side, scrolling on your phone or watching TV. He's so subtle that most of the times you don't feel how he traces your hand with his fingers and when you realize, it’s because your hands are intertwined and he’s holding his laughter. “How low you’ve been like this?” but Minghao just giggles. You end up doing the same and then resume your activity, letting him laughing low in embarrassment and biting his lips as a sign of frustration.
Mingyu. Resting on your lap.
He's very straightforward when it comes to flirting with you. Mingyu likes to wait patiently for you to sit on the couch or the bed and then he goes, at first making some (pretty obvious) questions "What are you doing?" "Is that a new book?" and as you're talking, his hands rest on your thigh, gently stroking your skin with his thumb, but you're so immerse in the topic and he goes completely unnoticed... And before you even notice, there's a flustered Mingyu resting his head on your lap, tracing small circles on your thigh as if he had been punished.
Dokyeom. Taking photos.
He already has a folder with your name and an unhealthy number of photos; Seokmin just never gets tired, you're so used to it that most of the time don't realize that he's actually trying to hit on you. "Just let me take a picture, you look so beautiful today!" And after giving him an awkward smile, you're getting back to your stuff.  Seokmin is a bit disappointed but with a bunch of new photos of his precious person, so is not that bad (at least is what he says to himself trying to not lose his mind).
Seungkwan. Scolding.
I know, it may sound like a bit harsh but when he's scolding you, Seungkwan tries to make it as tender as possible, it doesn't feel like scolding and actually, he uses this as a cheap excuse to be extra lovely. "Don't sleep too late, you're getting dark circles" he says in a soft voice while caressing your checks "you're too pretty for that, don't you think?". He waits for you to take the bait and when you laugh on him, saying that he's being a little dramatic, Seungkwan doesn't hide his disappointment. "Okay, keep watching your series" he says getting up from the couch "but don't you dare to complain later!"
Vernon. Placing his arm on your shoulders.
A classic that never dies and his favorite, Vernon likes to do it all the time: when watching movies, chatting, watching videos together; is a like a very subtle invitation to get closer to him, and somehow, most of the time you’re just minding your business and leave him waiting for you to notice. And yeah, he’s very patient, but everything has a limit. "Come here, babe" then he places his hand on your shoulder and brings you closer to his chest. And don't you dare to move, because there's no way he let you go now.
Dino. Calling your name.
Usually, he calls you by pet names or your name in diminutive, reserving the use of your name for special occasions. However, it doesn't always end the way he expected. “Did I do something wrong?” you ask him just after he called you by your name, and when Chan sees your big doe eyes, his smile fades. “Is just that… I feel like you’re mad at me”. At this point his intentions doesn’t matter anymore, he just hugs you and tries not cry in his disappointment.
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loveesiren · 3 days ago
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Baby Daddy (Pt. 2)
Rafe Cameron x Reader
A/n: Here's part two! Let me know if you guys want more to this story :)
Warnings: Birth, emergency c-section, language, fluff
Word Count: 1.7k+
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You leaned your head on Rafe's shoulder, his hand rubbing your swollen belly as you were handed yet another gift.
You were grateful for this baby shower that Rose had put together but you couldn't help the fact that you were absolutely exhausted.
You were in no way prepared for how much pregnancy took a toll on your body. Especially in the third trimester.
You held the tiny pink blanket up. The soft fabric was lined with silk and it was absolutely adorable.
"And when you finally tell us her name, we'll get it stitched on there. Along with her birthday." Sarah said with a smile as her and John B watched you examine their gift.
"It's perfect," You say. "And her name will be revealed once she's born." You chuckle.
"I can't believe you're making us wait," John B whines, rolling his eyes.
"She's gonna be here any day now," Rafe smiled, looking down at you. "And this has been great but Y/N really needs to get some rest."
"But there is still more presents!" Rose whines.
"And she will open them later," Rafe scolds. "She's exhausted."
You were practically falling asleep in Rafe's arms.
"Alright, fine," Rose says as she stands up. "For anyone who would like to continue celebrating, join me in the back yard!"
John B and Sarah stay behind, cleaning up the mess of wrapping paper that littered the living room.
"I'm going to take her up to bed," Rafe said as he stood up and pulled you off the couch.
"Rafe, no, too fat." You grumbled as you felt him try to lift you. "I can do it."
"Baby-"
"I can do it!"
John B and Sarah laugh as you fall back on the couch, obviously too tired to move.
Rafe sighs before bending over and scooping you into his arms.
"Rafe, no-"
"Shhhh," He says, picking you up effortlessly. "Uhm, do you guys need me to-"
"Go," Sarah says with a smile. "We got it."
Rafe offers a small smile before carrying you upstairs to the room the two of you shared. Rose had turned the guest room next to Rafe's room into a nursery. The two rooms sat in a part of the house that was mostly cut off from the rest. It was the perfect little corner for the two of you and your baby while you saved up for your own place.
Rafe laid you down on the bed and pulled the covers over the two of you as he crawled in next to you and cradled your belly. "Get some rest, Mama." He said, placing a kiss on your temple.
"Rafe..." You whispered.
"Yes?"
You could feel his fingers trail over your skin. The way he cared for you and was so gentle and excited for your baby, you couldn't wait anymore. You had to tell him.
"I love you." You say as you look up to meet his eyes.
His breath caught in his throat as he registered your words. "W-what?"
You giggled. "I love you, Rafe. You're amazing. And you're going to be an amazing dad. I know we've been doing this whole pregnancy thing in kind of a weird way but I'd kind of like to be a real a fami-"
Rafe pressed his lips to yours, caressing your cheek as he deepened the kiss. "I've been in love with you for so long," He admitted against your lips. "I want all of this. I want us. I want our baby. I want to be a family."
You smiled at his response. He'd changed so much since you found out you were pregnant. He quit coke. He worked hard. He was constantly at your side making sure you had everything you needed. You practically had to pull him off you so you could go check on John B.
You could see his eyes swelling with tears. "What's wrong, baby?" You asked as you cupped his cheek.
"Nothing," He shook his head as a tear fell from his eye. "I just have my dream girl and I get to meet my fucking daughter soon. My life is perfect."
You couldn't help but tear up at his words. You ran your fingers through his hair as he rested his head on your shoulder. It wasn't long before the two of you drifted off to sleep.
———-
"AHHHHH!" You screamed as you shot up in bed. "Oh my fucking God!"
"What is it baby?!" Rafe asked eagerly as he quickly flipped on the lamp.
"It fucking hurts!" You spit. "Rafe...Rafe I think I'm contracting." You're barely able to get the words out.
"Oh, fuck. Okay!" He yells as he hops out of bed. He opens the door and yells into the hallway. "Dad! Rose!"
"Fuck, FUCK!" You scream.
"Okay, hold on baby, I have your bag." Rafe runs to his closet and pulls out the bag he had packed for you for when the time finally came. "Rose!" He screams again.
"I'm coming! What is it?" She says as her and Ward enter the room. "Oh, okay!"
Rose is by your side instantly, helping you off the bed.
"Ah! I can't-" You say as you fall to the floor. "I can't walk, it hurts so much."
"I got you baby," Rafe says, once again scooping you into his arms with minimal effort.
"Ward, start the car!" Rose commands as she grabs your bag and you all head downstairs.
Rafe climbs into the back seat with you. You dig your nails into his arm as another contraction invades your body.
"It's okay, sweet girl." Rafe says as he presses his lips to your forehead. "Just breathe with me, okay?" He holds your swollen belly up, relieving some of the pressure so you're able to catch your breath.
You can feel the car speeding to the hospital. You can hear Ward and Rose arguing in the front seat. You can feel Rafe wrapped around you, whispering sweetly into your ear. But you couldn't help the black haze that was washing over your vision as you lost consciousness.
"Hey, hey!" Rafe said as he lightly tapped your cheek. "Y/N, baby, stay with me!"
"We're almost there!" Ward says.
"She's unconscious!" Rafe screams.
_____________
Your eyes fluttered open. It was almost painful to keep your eyelids up.
Large windows lined the room, letting in the sunrise. Purple skies as the sun made it's way into view.
You felt so confused. You placed a hand on your belly. No bump. You instantly shot up, panicking at your missing baby bump you had grown so used to.
"Rafe!" You screamed.
"Hey, hey!" Rafe said as he came out of the bathroom, bouncing a tiny human in his arms. "Calm down baby, I'm here. We're here." He smiles as he sits on the bed next to you.
"Is that...is that my daughter?" You ask, taking in her tiny features. She had Rafe's eyes and your lips. A perfect mix of the two of you.
Rafe smiles, moving to place her in your arms. "You did so good, mama."
You hold her gently, tears filling your eyes as she instantly looked for your nipple. You happily fed her, gushing over the fact she knew you were her mother.
"I-I don't even remember."
"It was complicated," Rafe begins, rubbing one hand over your leg and one over her tiny head. "Emergency c-section. Thought I was gonna lose you. But you were so strong."
You couldn't help but cry. A tear falling on your child's cheek but Rafe brushed it away.
"She's been so fussy until now. She doesn't like the bottle." Rafe chuckles.
"How long have a been out?"
"Two days,"
You shudder, realizing you missed the first two days of your child's life.
Rafe pulls himself up to sit behind you. You lean back against his chest as you continue to feed your child. He runs his fingers up and down your arms and places kisses on your temples.
"I love you so much," He whispers.
"I love you too," You said as you felt yourself drift back to sleep. Rafe brought his arms around you to help hold your baby as she finished nursing.
When you woke up again the sun was setting. Rafe was draped over you, snoring softly. Your daughter in a bassinet beside you, sleeping peacefully.
You heard a knock at the door. Rafe shot up, rubbing his eyes as he tried to process what was going on.
"Hmmm, okay." He said, half asleep as he stumbled towards the door.
You felt bad. You knew he'd been doing all of this on his own while you were out. He needed sleep.
"Hey," Rafe said as your family members piled in. You were grateful for the large room.
Rose and Wheezie carried flowers and gifts, placing them on the dresser by the window. Ward followed behind them.
John B and Sarah came in after them with balloons, setting them to the side as they quickly ran to see your baby.
"Jesus," Rafe grumbled as he laid back down beside you. "M' sorry baby. They wouldn't let anyone but me in until today."
You pet his hair and place a kiss on his head as he rests against your shoulder. "It's okay, babe."
You were wide awake now. Rafe tried his best to sit up and interact but you could tell he wasn't going to last long.
John B held your baby as everyone else crowded around him. She was smiling up at him and it made your heart melt.
"So," Sarah asked. "What's her name?"
You turned to Rafe and smiled. He smiled and rubbed his eyes. "Her name is Juliette Lilith Cameron." He announced.
All the girls gushed over the name. John B smiled down at his niece, bouncing her happily.
Ward came around the side of the bed and placed a hand on Rafe's shoulder. "Congratulations, son. You're going to be a great father."
Rafe smiles at his dads words. "Thanks, dad." He gushes. You can't help but tear up. You knew how much Rafe wanted his dad to be proud of him.
After everyone had a turn holding Juliette, Rafe finally ushered them all out, claiming you and baby needed your rest. But in all honesty, you and Juliette were fine. Rafe was the one that needed a break.
After you nursed Juliette and laid her down to sleep, you and Rafe snuggled in your hospital bed, eating mediocre hospital food and watching Family Feud.
"Can I get you anything, baby?" Rafe mumbled against your shoulder, barely able to keep his eyes open.
"Get some sleep, my love." You whisper, placing a kiss on his head.
"Gotta take care of my girls first," He mumbles.
"We're good," You promise him. "We need you to be well rested."
Rafe hums into your skin, wrapping his arm tighter around you but not tight enough to hurt you since you were still healing.
"Love my girls," Was the last thing he said before he drifted off to sleep.
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Tags: @torturedtypewritersdept @bigenergy777 @outerbankspov @purplerose291 @shayofandoms @mirellef2001
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ttrashlord · 1 day ago
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STEB SFW/NSFW HEADCANONS
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A/N-This is my first time writing smut so,pls be kind with critics <3 (@moonstrider9904 its the owner of the gif)
P.s-i was listen to Lana del rey while doing this ;)
Warnings:mentions of kinks (cockwarming,bdsm,oral sex,etc),oral sex (Female and male receiving),
Pairing:Female!reader x Steb
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-SFW-
Steb is such a gentle lover,he won't just do anything without your consent or go too rough or fast,he won't go slow either,he will adjust at your rythm,just as you are.
He will steal you kisses all time at home,at all time.Youre cooking? A stolen kiss. Reading at the couch? Don't look behind you,because a Wild Steb will be waiting there.
He is not a coffee lover ( as i said in another headcanon) but he surely loves tea!,so whenever you two decide that you want to do a lazy day or just thake breakfast in bed (most of the times,he does the breakfast),he is ready!
He enjoys going shopping,and even more if it's with you! He makes a whole list but you don't take different parts,no,you do the whole shopping TOGETHER.
I saw an account saying that Steb would have french accent (SORRY I DONT REMEMBER THE ACCOUNT) which i believe 2 things:
He can SPEAK french,because it's one of the lenguages he can speak,but he has British accent (just imagine ladies)
Have you seen the manhwa sign? Well,hearing his voice by the first time has the same reaction that yohan did on soohwa
He Will listen to whatever music you listen to
But he is a lana del rey boy
He likes tickle wars,but only when he's winning >:/
He didn't used to have a lots of things in his wardrobe until you came to his life,then you started to be like a fashion designer to him and started to tell him what could fit him and what he should try/buy.
He really apreciates this,because It feels like it's worth It to worry how he looks apart from his enforcer uniform
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-NSFW-
(pls let me get ready for this)
If in his normal life he is a shy,a man of poor words,but believe me when i say this,he is comunicative in bed
If he needs you/something he'll say,he won't do any rodeo about It,he is kinda shy about being too explicit,but he makes sure to let you know what he needs
Imagine that is been a long,tiring day,you two are enforcers and right now are working at the "peanut partro"l with cait as a Commander
Sure,she was great,but sometimes a pain in the ass as a boss.
So,when you two arrived home,you shouted to him as you lead your steps to the kitchen "i'm making dinner"
You put your apron on,and started to make something,but suddenly,a pair on blue,warm hand were embracing you stomach
Steb:mhm...you...mhm..
You didn't undertood a word of what he said because his head was pressed on your shoulder
You left your hands from the sink and put the on his hands,and asked him: honey,what did you say?
And as clear as water,he told you,putting his chin on your shoulder and his lip very near your lobe:
Steb:I need you....now....
He doesn't speak very much but damn he know how to use his mouth.At first,he was very shy to go down on you,saying he never didi It on anyone else,but the more he thinks about it,the more he wants It.
The very first time he went down on you he was inexperienced,but he is someone that learns pretty easy,so the first time uses It to learn as much as he can for you,what do you like? What reaction what can he get from you?
BUT when you first when down on him? Girl are you trying to kill him?
You did It the very first time you two has sex,and he hated to admit how fast he did came when your Lips touched his tip.Only using your hands,going Up and down was...such a view,and even while you were looking at him with such pretty eyes,but when you decided to use your Lips,he fainted.
The first time you had sex you decided to go missionary.It's confortable,it's intimate and he can be as close to you and look at you
Saying this right now ,MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM,he loves it,he loses it.
His favoutire positions are:
Cowgirl,the Lotus,any variation of the missionary,and any position where he can see your face.
I believe that he has Big dick energy (DON'T KILL ME) but not THAT much,just above avarage.but the () it's pretty normal.
I believe he has the prettiest dick, i mean,i can't say look, but think about It:
More than avarage lenght,let's say () while not erected,but when it's erected It passes to be ().
And it's pretty firm,very curvy,just a prefect curve that helps you to make your own climax even better.
His () as on the avarage side,making It ().
Meanwhile the colour tip it's a pretty pinkish colour,not a full Pink but It shades into Pink.
He loves eye Contact,but most of all kissing you and showing to you how much he loves your body,in any way possible.This is like mosning your name as loud as he can (yes,he doesn't only moan,he groans,growls,do any sounds you can imagine) worshipping you,telling you how good you feel,etc.
And kissing you is something that he does:
1-when he is about to come,he feels It,and he needs to show you how good you make him feel
2-if it's a very intimate sex session (like,you're not only fucking but "making love")
He is such a gentleman,he can adjust at your rythm with any problem, did you tell him to go faster? For sure faster It is. You told him you don't want to come yet? He understands,he slows the pace and waist for you.
His kinks are on the "normal" side:
Praise kink,slight bdsm (chokers,blindfolds,and sometimes shibari) oral (receiving and giving),cockwarming,slighlty erotic asfyxiathion (on him)
But most of the times,he enjoys "normal sex" and always will prefer to "make love" with rather than just "fucking"
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HEYYY THIS IS MY VERY FIRST TIME WRITING NSFW DON'T HATE ME ON THIS!
this took me soo long because i had no idea what to write for him so,here it is!
Hope you like it!
Also! I wanted to thank @saradika-graphics for this beautiful dividers,if need any, she surely has! (Or ask a request).
That's all loves,bye!
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discordiansamba · 23 hours ago
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he's back at the caldera.
it's a strange feeling. zuko hasn't been here since he was thirteen. before the agni kai. before his father locked him away at the boiling rock. the halls of the royal palace haven't changed any since he left, but they feel different. some of it's just because he's gotten taller since he was last here.
the rest of it...
...it's not the halls of the royal palace that are different. it's him.
"we'll have to see about getting you a new wardrobe, nephew," his uncle smiles at him, "-i can't imagine any of your old clothes will fit."
(he says, as if they don't know his father threw out all of his things after he'd sent him away. he'd been declared dead, apparently. infection took him in the night.)
his old room is empty. uncle hesitantly pats his shoulder, like he doesn't quite know what to do with him. no need to worry, he says. there is some new furniture on the way. in the meantime, you can sleep in one of the guest quarters, nephew.
zuko's not even sure he wants to be here.
he learned a lot while in the boiling rock. some of it was personal- he'd learned that fathers who burn their sons don't actually love them. don't deserve their devotion or loyalty. but the rest? he'd learned the truth about the fire nation. about the war. strip away the gilded paint of the palace, and the whole place is covered with blood and grime.
he feels dirtier just being here.
"nephew?"
zuko jerks out of his thoughts, and looks down at his uncle. he doesn't remember him being so short. he looks older. more worn. there is a deep guilt in the corner of his eyes as he looks at him- like he blames himself for zuko's own disfigurement and ensuing imprisonment. he doesn't know how to tell uncle it was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
he doesn't know how much he trusts this man.
his father had stolen his throne from him. if cooperating with the avatar and ending the war got it back, who was to say he wouldn't play along? his uncle had once been a great and fearsome general- his firebending was strong, but it was his cleverness that made him such a threat. the avatar was apparently just a child. easy to fool.
(he knew, because he'd been like that once too.)
"sorry," zuko mumbles, "-i'm just tired."
his uncle frowns, but then nods. he gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze before apologizing. he should have known it would be a lot to take in. he'll have someone show you to the guest quarters for now, and we can figure things out in the morning. zuko just nods, and lets himself be guided to a room that's too large for him.
no one locks the door. he's free to go wherever he wants.
(...is he, though? uncle needs an heir. zuko's all he's got.)
another boiling rock au idea is an au where instead of being banished, ozai sends zuko to the boiling rock after his agni kai and claims the prince died in the night due to an infection. by the time zuko's aware of what's going on around him, he's already confined to a cell at the boiling rock. his father doesn't want him. he's a shame to his nation. he doesn't think he can get any lower.
or: zuko grows up at the boiling rock.
very few people there even know that he's the former crown prince, but what they do see is a thirteen year old kid with half his head swathed in bandages, his hair freshly shorn, who has been thrown into the highest security prison in the fire nation. which is pretty fucked up!! zuko goes from pampered prince fed only propaganda all his life, to being surrounded by war prisoners and other assorted political prisoners- as well as just your run of the mill convicts.
it's an eye-opening experience, to say the least!
(zuko's escape attempts are like, a once every two month occurrence. none of them ever work, but he's gotten father than anyone else ever has. this is because no one else is as insane as the kid who was basically raised for part of his life here.)
years later, when the war is over and iroh is sitting on the fire lord's throne, he begins the long process of freeing the countless prisoners of war that the fire nation has imprisoned- as well as the political prisoners. it's a long process- and he decides to begin with the boiling rock, where he knows the chief of the southern water tribe was sent after the failed invasion.
there's no records of zuko at the boiling rock, of course.
or: iroh finds out that his nephew isn't dead. he's been at the boiling rock this entire time. suddenly the fire nation has an heir apparent.
(zuko returns to the caldera for the first time in years, very much not the same person he was when he left- and is unsure how much he can actually trust his uncle.)
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ochrearia · 2 days ago
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I don't think I should be allowed to have a brain at this point literally can't do anything without my brain making leaps between vaguely related topics all just to prove I'm untrustable and a love bomber and I'm gonna be honest I think the latter is actually true considering how I've been acting this whole time. And I hate that it took me this long to understand that yes I have been too much and all these other things etc etc
And then I'm self aware it's a spiral but I also don't care that it's a spiral because for once I need to hear it because I know what I'm like and I know I just end up scaring people out of telling me the truth out of guilt or whatever and god I make myself sooooo mad sometimes holy shit. But this is my problem that I caused so now I get to lie in this bed because I told myself I was too much and couldn't act like this and did it anyways. And in my quest that was never going to end well wanting to make everyone feel special. I have made my words mean nothing and thus it's like no one is. Incredible job Ochre
I know what the problem is and I'm going to fix it by stopping all of this because that's really all I can do. And I really have no right to feel like shit because I'm the one who was doing it. And I'm tired of making everything about me too I've needed to stop that shit for a while. Just. No more of all this overbearing affection amongst other things. This is not how I should exist
Literally a bunch of top results of how love bombing works good job me. Actually just fuck off for once. And I need to stop talking about everything like I keep telling myself to so just. One. And that's it. Still better than writing another overdramatic cringe toxic one-shot and dragging YS's character down with me or any of the others at this point. I'm just pissed at myself. Like get real. And in an hour or two I'm going to get even more mad at myself for acting like this outwardly, find someone else to bother
Whatever. Just start over. Again. You'd think I would know better by now. Christ
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serysem · 22 days ago
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I think I only brought it up on discord, but
Disney's Hercules x Twilight Princess
more precisely Herc!Link and Meg!Midna...
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goldkirk · 9 months ago
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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!
#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING#IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN#HA#MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF#and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders#that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self#ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief#a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief#and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me#and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf#anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally#now i see what the past several months but especially especially#the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January#were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong#...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not#a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side#and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like#i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha#they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y#anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet#trauma evolution#shh katie#personal#my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal#abuse
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lisxdumbr · 7 months ago
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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kyouka-supremacy · 5 months ago
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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kyofsonder · 2 months ago
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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thethingything · 8 months ago
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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
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imperiuswrecked · 2 years ago
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I do not want to sign up for rewards, I don’t want shopping points, I don’t want to give you my email, or phone number, or my soul, or anything else besides the money I have for the product I wish to buy.
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united-under-skyfall · 1 year ago
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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miodiodavinci · 2 years ago
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pokemon OC you say? 👀
KJHSFLKSF listen: legends arceus hits my brain in a way no other pokemon game has, and part of it is the distortion lore and isekai elements w
like legitimately there is so much ripe territory for exploration and fun and my brain is taking all of that and throwing it into a big soup
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ilostyou · 2 years ago
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lallaaalalala just some things on my mind
#this has been a rant#<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo#getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose#one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for#literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed#next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but#it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me#(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like#yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc#and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ??#just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway#next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already#losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around#but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so#nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip#next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy#other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED#another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling#i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway#it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug#ok maybe that's it woo
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