If you come to my blog and write in response to other Ukrainians in my notes about how wrong it is to paint with a broad brush, how russians also suffer, fearing for their lives and afraid to speak out, how not all of them are the same, etc. You will be blocked immediately.
Not because you're factually wrong. Not because I disagree with you. But because you are emotionally dumb and ignorant. You have no idea whom you're telling your "um actually…" to. You don't know if this person has lost someone to this war or is waiting for a loved one to return from the front line, hopefully in one piece.
You don't know whether this person has become homeless because of russia. You don't know what they're going through every day. Do you know that statistically they most likely had friends and family in russia before the war? But not anymore. Because those russians turned out to be not like the ones you're talking about.
Do you know how this Ukrainian person, whom you want to force to feel sorry for the russians, spent this night and contless nights before? It could be in a basement, or on the floor of their bathroom, between the two "safe" walls, listening to the explosions outside, clutching their children or pets tightly to their chest, waiting for it to be over.
I congratulate you, you are right. 140 million people can't all be exactly the same, no shit. I'm glad you were here to share your infinite wisdom with us. If you think you're being empathetic, considerate and kind, you're wrong.
Now stop pouring the acid of your unsolicited impartiality on our bleeding open wound.
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I think the best advice I ever got to stop myself from getting in my head over issues i was having with a partner/friend was “Are you deciding on ultimatums in your relationship without the other persons knowledge or consent? Are you having conversations in your head where the other party is a projection you supply the responses for? If so; you have done this person a huge disservice in not allowing them to answer on their own terms. You have done so much architecture around this problem in your mind that is impenetrable for anyone who was not there when it was being built.”
That shit really changed my life and honestly? I think made me a nicer person to be around.
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Quick reminder since apparently it bears reminding in both directions: if bigoted people, closed-minded people overall, or your own internalized insecurities misinterpret a queer person’s message in a way that hurts/endangers you, yeah, it sucks, but it’s not the fault of the queer person in question, nor should it be a reason for them to silence themselves. They’re probably as hurt/pissed as you are that someone misinterpreted and misused their message to do harm.
Of course sadly there’ll still be queer people that actually DO mean harm and dismissal to other queer people – I ain’t speaking for those and it’s not the best way to ensure their and others’ wellbeing imo. I’m just saying – not all people will be like that. That’s what I want to believe. So hopefully let’s not put everyone in the same bag, keep supporting each other, WHILE allowing each other to advocate for our own visibility, without having to self-erase or self-censor to accomodate to what haters might say.
It’ll be tougher this way, maybe, because humans seem to like to draw extreme conclusions very quick, but I don’t believe there’s any better way for us all to be alright and stay alright on the long run.
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I want time to move fast because I'm impatient and I want better days to come but at the same time I want time to slow down because I'll never be this age again and I'll regret it later, hope this helps
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If Alecto is a barbie world in a barbie girl, then Nona is living in a material girl and she is a material world
Available as a print here :)
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