#it gives a lot of final boss energy; that or i’ve been on too much of an rpg kick lately

[dailyhatsune]

This

with a regular miku on the side for comparison because Huh

[awesomesaurous]

-rant, please excuse the salt-

I really wish Don’t Starve Together was a different genre of game. I know that’s stupid because the objective “Don’t Starve” is the whole foundation of it, but I kind of just wish I could take the look and the loose story and make it more of an adventure and less of a never-ending survival game. I think in the Hamlet DLC for the base game, the “town” aspects of it scratched that itch a little bit, but I want more. The interface could even look exactly the same. I played the demo of Cult of the Lamb, and that game has a similar top-down 2D look to Don’t Starve, except there are in-game “cutscenes” and you have dialogue options which advance the creepy little narrative. Hollow Knight was good with this too. It’s a metroidvania, so there’s no crafting at all (I don’t consider status upgrades to be crafting), but like most RPGs with a silent protagonist, the story is furthered through exploration and interaction with NPCs. Some people love survival games, and I enjoy them quite a bit, but I like them to have an endpoint. The Flame in the Flood has a brutal difficulty curve, but it does reward you for your persistence, and it’s by no means impossible to beat. The journey takes you further and further along a river which at first seems endless - but it does have an end, and that’s what I want, I guess. Closure.

Hades is one of the most enjoyable games I’ve ever played, and the main reason was how much you are rewarded, even for failed attempts. You might totally choke on a run, but even so, every time you venture out you’re gaining more darkness/gems/etc that you can invest back into your stats and weapons. As in - there is no wrong way to play the game, you will move forward and improve no matter what. I love that. DST has finally dipped into this territory with Wilson’s skill tree, but I think they ought to give every character a similar mechanic. The skills would be specific to each character, and I think would give players more of an incentive to do repeat runs. At a certain point the whole game gets boring, and depending on my mood I sometimes boot it up, think about all the trees I’m going to have to cut down, and then immediately close the game, because I’m sick of doing virtual chores.

Stardew Valley was so addictive for me that I had to delete the game to get control of my life back. That game is nothing but farming and chores, yet I didn’t get tired of it. I think that’s because if you want to, you can ignore any aspect of the game you don’t care for, and time will pass anyway. You can spend all your time farming, or just mining, or focus on relationships with NPCs. Obviously with Don’t Starve, you can’t ignore food because starvation is an ever-present threat.

I also don’t give a damn about boss fights. I never have, in any game. I’m always eager for them to be over so I can get back to actually enjoying the game again, but nope I have to hit this thing 1000 times without getting permanently killed. Don’t Starve’s fighting system is shit, and it always has been. The hit boxes suck, and the fact that I need to download mods just to see health levels for the enemy is ridiculous.

I’ve had a lot of fun with DST, but I think I enjoy the fandom stuff more than the actual game. Same with TF2. It’s pretty fun to play, but I enjoy watching SFM videos and stuff like that more than playing the actual game. Don’t Starve has such fun characters and such an appealing style that it draws people in, and the animated shorts promise this wider world and a more intriguing story that isn’t in the actual game. Most players won’t even get to the cryptic hints at the story that are in the actual game (the Ruins, etc) due to the difficulty curve.

There’s a lot of creative energy and highly imaginative world-building, but when are we going to see it put to use? If anybody has any thoughts on all this, feel free to leave a reply.

[prying-pandora666]

I Just Need To Vent

So I’m a writer and storyteller who also sings and sews. I know this is a strange place for this but I NEED to vent about the most insane choir practice I’ve EVER experienced!

Let me introduce you to the choir members in this story because it is WILD.

First we have the actual choir director. Let’s call him… Boss.

Secondly, the students. This isn’t all of them, but at least the ones I can remember. The names have been changed etc etc.

Manuel - Top of the class. Total teacher’s pet. The kinda guy who follows all the rules to the letter, even when it’s annoying. He really loved his pet birds and was all around a fair and likeable guy though, despite being kinda naive and easily fooled.

Good thing he had his gf.

Valencia - Manuel’s gf. Super smart, both book-wise and street-wise. You couldn’t fool her. She was also really athletic and SUPER GORGEOUS. Anytime she entered a room, she lit it up. She was that radiant. This one guy Micheal was down bad for her, but we’ll get to him later.

Aaron - You know that guy that’s really good with his hands? That was Aaron. He could fix things, make things, build things. I’d later see these incredible figurines he made and painted. Guy was an artisan. But he was also the kinda guy to bend the rules when he got too excited.

Ulrich - Besties with Manuel. I didn’t know him well. He was kind of a loner, unlike Manuel who was so outgoing. But he seemed chill! He was super into the ocean and marine life. He usually was pretty nice but if you got on his bad side? He had a hella temper.

Yasmin - Aaron’s gf. She was the hippy girl that is super into nature and the environment. She was always planting things. That kind of lady. Surprisingly, she wasn’t too overbearing about it? I only really ever saw her argue about it with Aaron and—ugh—Michael. Friggin Michael.

Tyler - An MMA fighter. Total meathead. He wasn’t a bully exactly? But he was always ready to throw down at a moment’s notice. That kind of energy.

Owen - Had a podcast about surviving in the wild and was super into camping and hunting and horseback riding. Made his own leather.

Vanessa - I think she might’ve dated Owen? I don’t remember. But I know she was Yasmin’s little sister and also kind of an animal loving hippy.

Ester - She was a nurse. Really caring and looked after everyone.

Then there were these three siblings, Manfred, Natalie, and Lanz.

Manfred - A lawyer. Really serious. No nonsense. Kind of a killjoy but fair minded.

Natalie - Grief counselor. She took on so much emotional labor for EVERYONE.

Lanz - Suffered from epilepsy which made him have some wild hallucinations sometimes. He needed a lot of care.

Oh wait! I almost forgot one before we get to MICHAEL.

Noelle - I think she was dating Owen? NGL I remember her the least. She was also a dancer and had incredible body control. But outside of her admittedly very impressive dancing, I can’t recall anything more about her.

And finally MICHAEL.

Friggin MICHAEL.

Look I don’t even know how to describe Michael. But fair to say he is both the protagonist and the antagonist of this story. Here is my best attempt to capture that magnificent jerk-off as best as I possibly can in my own words.

Michael - The most beautiful man you will ever see. Talented at everything. Anything anyone else in this choir group he could do? He could at least replicate at a passable level if not outright master. Give him an evening to learn a subject and he’d be proficient if not an expert

Michael HATED Manuel. A feeling Manuel didn’t return, and often tried to be friendly with Michael only for Michael to pull a fast one on Manuel.

Did I mention these two were BROTHERS!?

Yeah. Imagine what that family home must’ve been like. Yikes.

Okay so on to the story.

So one day, BOSS calls us all in to record this song he’s been working on.

Now you have to understand, this was a musically gifted group. To say they were beyond average skill level is an understatement.

We all knew this was going to be LIT.

So everyone already knows the song. I don’t know if they’d gotten the sheet music earlier or what, but basically everyone was already 100% familiar with how it goes.

But Boss was the kind of music teacher who really wanted his adult students to express themselves creatively.

As such, he basically gave everyone free rein to rehearse the song however they wanted.

Yasmin wants folk rock? Done.

Ulrich is feeling more metal? Sure.

Valencia wants rhythm and Tyler takes that an excuse to SMASH DRUMS while he sings his part? As long as it’s on beat.

You’d think this would create a horrible cacophony! But surprisingly, no. Boss had everyone so well trained that it was like they all locked in and even as they added their own flair and unique flavors, it all sorta… came together?

It was incredible. A mash-up of genres and styles performed by a team of some of the most talented singers in the entire world, as I knew it! I’d never heard anything like it. I was speechless. I couldn’t look away for a moment. Boss was a genius.

There was just one problem.

Michael.

Friggin Michael.

So here’s the thing. Michael was the best singer.

I won’t pretend that’s not true. Even in a group of god-tier choir singers, Michael was on another level. The guy was a stand-out among stand-outs and Boss knew it.

But so did Michael.

And he NEEDED to prove it.

Anyone who has ever been involved in the arts has probably encountered a Michael. That person who is ungodly talented but a so insecure and narcissistic that they just have to constantly PROVE IT? Even at the cost of whatever you’re trying to perform?

Yeah. That’s exactly it.

So Michael chimes in and starts singing OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD. Trying to drown out literally EVERYONE ELSE.

Boss notices but like a patient teacher trying to sculpt Michael’s talents, he just signals to some of the others to pipe up their harmonies more to support Michael.

But a well supported solo isn’t enough for Michael. Oh no. Not content to simply be the star for a section of the song, Michael starts singing IN THE WRONG KEY.

Look, I’m no expert in music, but even I could hear what he was doing. His gorgeous, powerful voice, singing so well. BUT IN THE COMPLETELY WRONG KEY!

I looked at Boss and he seemed to sigh. But instead of stopping, he tweaked a few things, signaled to the others to change their parts they were signing (it all went above my head so sorry if I’m not being very detailed), to work in Michael.

Soon Michael’s discordance actually worked! The song was a little more crunchy rather than perfectly harmonious, but the slight dissonance actually made it all the more haunting and beautiful. In a way it was even better than before.

Like I said, Boss was a genius.

Which only pissed Michael off more.

And so, clearly desperate for attention and pushed to his limit, Michael jumped so far out of line that the line was left in the dust.

He went CRAZY. If Boss’ song went high? Michael sung bass. If the song went low? Michael sung soprano.

It was like a musical battle except Michael was the only one fighting.

If someone else tried to contribute a neat little flourish or solo? Michael RAN UP TO THEM and drowned them out with his bullshit! I’m serious!

I thought for sure Boss was going to stop the song, but no.

Boss was starting to lose his patience. That much I could tell. But still he persevered, trying to just get to the end of the piece at the very least!

Soon some of the other choir members started dropping out. Michael was ruining it for everyone.

As I remember:

Valencia stopped, rolled her eyes, and refused to engage any further. She sat down and waited for the piece to end.

Vanessa broke into tears which got Yasmin to stop and glare at Michael.

Several of the others either lowered their voices or stopped altogether.

But not Manuel.

Goodie two-shoes Manuel had just tuned out the class and was only looking at Boss for instruction. Singing the song exactly as he was supposed to.

Nothing made Manuel miss a single note or beat. He was in the zone. No matter how chaotic or awful Michael’s disruptions got.

This only served to piss off Michael more, who started singing at the top of his lungs RIGHT at Manuel.

But Manuel didn’t even flinch. It was like he had Michael on IRL server mute.

So Ulrich, who had sat out with Valencia, sees this go down. He realizes this is getting to Michael.

Remember how I said Ulrich was usually chill but had a temper if you got on his bad side? And how he was besties with Manuel?

Yeah, Ulrich also couldn’t stand Michael.

So Ulrich gets up and decides he’s gonna be Manuel’s ride or die. Ulrich starts singing again. Louder.

The more mad and crazy Michael gets, the more Ulrich backs up Manuel on the part they’re SUPPOSED to be singing.

Michael notices he’s been challenged and just goes HARDER. But Ulrich is in it to win it and won’t back down.

This gets Aaron’s attention. Never one to say no to a chance to try something new, especially if he gets to bend the rules a little bit, Aaron gets hyped and stands by Ulrich, joining him in his crusade. Now it’s Aaron and Ulrich backing up Manuel while Michael rages and sings furiously at all three of them.

This whole time? Manuel obliviously just keeps singing.

So Tyler, who at this point is only half-assedly doing a note here and there, realizes this has turned into a fight.

So HE squares up and starts copying Ulrich and Aaron. He just wants to be a part of the conflict. Classic Tyler. 🙄

Natalie thinks Tyler might lose control so she gets up to chime in and temper him a bit.

Manfred won’t leave his sister to herself so he tells Lanz to rest with Ester and joins in to back up his sister in the good fight. Manfred always liked order.

Owen at this point decides, yeah okay whatever, let’s do this. Noelle hasn’t stopped dancing so she just starts singing again.

Soon most of them are back in it now, all of them backing up Manuel who has just been oblivious to the resistance movement he has accidentally started. He just wanted to sing the song real good and make Boss proud.

But everyone else knows what’s up, especially Valencia, who rallies the stragglers.

Michael is LOSING HIS MIND at this point. I’m not even sure he’s singing. He’s practically just screaming. Even Boss can’t work with this anymore.

Still, Boss expertly conducts so that Michael’s strongest and most triumphant notes still fit into the wider song. It’s a war zone.

FINALLY, with great frustration and a giant crescendo, Boss at last ends the song.

Everyone stops, winded, catching their breaths and surveying the room in confusion. No one says a word.

Michael stares right at Boss. Unblinking. Daring him to say something.

Boss reveals he’s been recording this entire time.

He pulls out his computer and plays it all back for us to see what we have created.

And with great authority, he looks right at Michael and says that he chose every single one of them for a reason.

That their talents he has fostered in them for so long are exactly the ingredients he needed to complete his magnum opus.

And that INCLUDES Michael’s shenanigans.

Every sour note.

Every crunchy bit of dissonance.

Boss wanted it all in there. It’s his masterpiece. And it’s just the way he wanted it.

Michael, predictably, throws a tantrum and storms off to the corner like a child. But everyone else is awed with the result. For a first draft, it’s phenomenal. Unlike anything anyone’s ever made before. They can’t wait to start workshopping it to get the finished product.

Anyway that’s all. Thanks for listening, you guys.

This is Vera, storyteller and weaver, signing off.

——————————————————————

If you’ve followed the story thus far, I am ready to reveal to you that this isn’t a real life event.

This is the Lord of the Rings creation myth. I just tricked you into reading the beginning of The Silmarillion.

And if you’re dying to know what happened next?

The book is widely available and written with language so beautiful it will make you cry.

So check it out and find out what happens to that asshole Michael aka Melkor.

Because Sauron ain’t got a THING on him!

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizziepop Take: Let’s talk about “the foulest imp you’ve ever seen” a.k.a. Striker

Ok, so I’ve already talked about how I love villains and morally gray characters in general as an opening to my last Fizziepop Take where I revealed my newfound love for the Helluva Boss queen of cruelty herself, Stella…. But you can’t expect me to go over all of that and completely ignore her little impish assassin Striker. I love villains and morally fucked up characters far too much to just not have fallen in love with the imp and his brutal  western flair, but it made me start thinking about why I liked him and what made him a good villain and after some thought, I wanna talk about why Striker is a good bad guy, so let’s get into it!

If I had to rank my favorite Helluva Boss characters, I would probably say that Striker, despite only just becoming a recurring character, sits pretty high on the list… around number 3. Why? Because the man has all the makings of a grade-A villain. I know that in my last Fizziepop Take, I said that the reason I love Stella as a villain is because she’s got no other reason for being the way she is other than just enjoying it, but part of the reason I think I love Striker is because I love that he kinda has a reason for being the way he is. Granted, maybe he likes the way he is, and maybe he’s always been a little fucked, but he does have a reason for hating royals and although we don’t know exactly what it is yet, after seeing how imps tend to be treated in other scenes, it’s likely that his reasons for being so pissed is actually pretty valid. I love the whole forged in tragedy and hate trope for him because unlike Stella, Striker is a brutal killer with a lot of rage living inside him and I think there has to be a reason for that. No one is just born that enraged, not even an imp who we’ve assumed to be born in the ring of wrath.

Now, on the subject of the rage that seems to be planted deep within this character, we need to talk about how that rage manifests: sadistic brutality, and arrogance. Striker is someone who sees himself as far better than most others he stands beside at any given time, and he will take any and every opportunity to show off just how much better he is, which we see in his scenes with Moxxie as he goes out of his way to upstage the other imp at every turn; even going as far as adding a line in his song at the pain games that literally says “Moxxie go fuck yourself”, and giving Moxxie the nickname “little one” which carries over all the way into his reappearance in ‘Western Energy’. 

In both ‘The Harvest Moon Festival’ and ‘Western Energy’, we also see the brutality and pure sadism he harbors as he fights. At Millie’s family farm, we see that Striker is able to take what seems to be a lot of damage in the moment and it barely slows him down, if anything, it seems to spur his rage in the moment as he attacks M&M, and we see his willingness to flip on Blitz when he passes on his offer to join Striker in his quest to kill the unkillable, even going as far as to make Blitz be the one to shoot at Moxxie when he comes to his boss’ aide, effectively using Blitz’s fondness of Moxxie against him since he knew having put a bullet through his employee and friend would have had a huge effect on founder of IMP. We see an even greater deal of ruthlessness in ‘Western Energy’ when Striker kidnaps Stolas as we watch him torment the Goetia prince with a blessed blade, and even threaten to blind the man, saying his “reds might make be a pretty trophy…”, this threat coming before he reminds Moxxie that he’s “easy to choke the life out of…” when M&M finally come to Stolas’ rescue.

Striker is a self-assured, prideful, vengeful motherfucker, and there’s so much to love about what that means for his character development and his future interactions with the IMP gang, Stolas, and maybe even other royals (like Stella and Octavia). And honestly, I think we may have a bit more sympathy the more of Striker’s background is revealed if Viv really does choose to take his character in the direction she’s set up with the entire monologue he fed to Stolas in ‘Western Energy’. I personally love a good sympathetic villain, especially one with Striker’s aesthetic and violent tendencies because it adds depth to the character in a softer way, a way characters like Stella always seem to lack which I find tends to leave them quite two-dimensional no matter how cruel and vile their actions make them as an antagonist. I feel like Striker already has more depth than the kiddie pool that is Stella, and I would love to see him continue to progress that way, even if he’s written to be a character we love to hate in the same way Stella seems to be….. Though, given Helluva Boss being written as a very male-centric show, I honestly don’t think Striker will be portrayed in as monstrous a way as the woman who hired him. I personally would like to see how Viv pulls that off since she has written an amazing rage and violence surrounding Striker’s character already so I think giving him a deeper storyline where he’s more humanized to the audience might be just a tad difficult. I’m trusting her process, as we all do when we tune in for each new episode, but as always, I cannot wait to see how she plays her cards here. I really hope Striker can stay one of my favorite characters as the series continues, and I hope the show can continue for a while.

[2baabbies]

update! (9/5/2024)

hiii baddies!

so, I need a break lol (there will be some emotional venting after the fic updates so please skip if you need to, tw for terminal illness and death and mental illness)

I’ve been trying to come back but I just have too much on my plate at the moment. more details to follow, but here are some of the things I’d like to have posted by the end of the month

🖤 I Wanna Be Yours (lee know x reader) wc: 5000+

🖤 Summer in Winter (faerie!felix x reader) wc: 4000+

🖤 Holding Back from You (hyunchanlix x reader, pt.3) wc: 7000+

🖤 skz requests (various) wc: 500-1000+

💚 Someone New (markhyuck/ot7 x reader, ch. 11) wc: 2000+

and more if I get the motivation! right now I find I have a lot of ideas, but no time or energy. on that note, I’m taking a break from tumblr starting today until may 24th! one of the reasons is that my best friend is coming to visit me from tomorrow until the 18th, and I want to be able to give her my full attention. social media in general is really distracting for me so I won’t really be checking my tumblr or responding to any messages 🫶🏻

in relation to that, our other best friend is in the process of packing and planning to move in with the friend that’s visiting; and she will be leaving my province shortly after bestie’s visit. I’m absolutely overjoyed for them, because we are the platonic love of each other’s lives, and they’re going to have so much fun together! on the other hand I’m very emotional, and I feel a lot of dread knowing once this visit is up both of my best friends are going to be far away from me. I’m def going to be making plans to see them once they’re settled, but I’m feeling very lonely. I’m trying to enjoy all the time we can spend together in person while it lasts. my birthday is also on the 17th, so I will be celebrating that with them and my other friends!

and finally, without giving too many details, I have a very close family member that has been battling an illness since last Christmas. I won’t go into it, but there are a lot of ups and downs and tbh mostly downs. watching them struggle has taken a huge toll on my mental health and as much as I try to pretend it’s not impacting me, I feel very hopeless. I’m really miserable actually lol at least a few times a week I cry in my boss’s office or while I’m on my breaks, and I often cry when I get home from work too. it has made me very sensitive to the topic of death, because there is a very low chance of recovery for this family member. my anxiety has worsened significantly since they got their diagnosis, and I’ve started to have serious mood swings. I think I just need a break from the internet and want to enjoy the bit of happiness I have right now.

so yeah, sorry to leave it on such a depressing note. sending everyone lots of love 💕

[ghostycore]

hi hello!! i’m blue ( 21+, s/h ) & this is sunset's very own losergirl mu danyi! she's a recent addition to sunset, running the listening elle kiosk where she doles out questionable horoscope predictions & untrue fortunes. i’ve only got her profile up, but below the cut is a tldr on her & some plots ♡ pls like to plot or add me on dc ( pomelos. ) & i'll be there, u know it!

tldr

bgm to set the vibes while u read ♡ let's go!!

all u need to know about danyi is that she's a psychic who doesn't believe in any of it lol

her mum is an actual shaman ( like somebody / the glory, powers are as ‘real’ as u believe them to be ). she is not but the tiktok girlies are popping off so she’s making bank by using her family’s actual temple in her videos for that special touch of authenticity

she gives fake divinations & charges a whole lot. just reads the fortune slips & lets confirmation bias do the rest, sometimes good at reading people to help her out with this. her business started on tiktok but she had an in with sunset through the lamest nepo connections ever to set up a kiosk when she's really not qualified for it!

has been known to lie about what the bones say. #bonegate or something ready to go tbh

her tiktok user & kiosk are both @ listening elle, goes by elle online bc she's pretending she has overseas cred to appeal to the hoity toits but she's never stepped foot outside of korea. the kiosk in sunset runs on her time, danyi sets up whenever she finally wakes up & goes home when she wants to. boss can't catch her slacking if she's the boss!

personality wise she's a liar but a bad liar, lies as easily as she breathes, never keeps track of them so she alw gets caught. florida girl energy, occasionally w a streak of weakness ( feeling bad 4 ppl so she ends up being nicer to them than she planned. immediate regret bc she overcompensates ). loves fooling around & not being serious, would d word if she tried introspection. also loves herself too much, spills over to people she cares for too

in danyi fashion idk horoscopes but here's my attempt: she's a libra sun ( indecisive, flighty, full of shit but charming enough to hide it ) scorpio moon ( sneaky, ambitious ) aries rising ( paris hilton )

plots

outwardly the calm to her chaos, but secretly crazier than anyone expects. you think danyi could mastermind half the pranks she pulls? no she can’t!!

a jason & eleanor (tgp) type of friendship.. just two dumbasses with 12yo boy humor

cutie she hooks up with, except it's for ur working hot water & impossibly soft bed. also she might have sticky fingers so ur stuff keeps going missing </3

she scammed u / ur friend / ur mom :p with her fake fortunes i’m so sorry

or she threw out a rando prophecy at u & it turned out to be true & now ur in awe & believe in every word she says

accomplice in scamming who helps her set up extra spooky vibes around her kiosk

someone who's been skiving off by chilling at the always empty stall, it's a great place to hide from bosses B)

if u work at a food related establishment she has a suspiciously high rate of cockroach in food incidents pls don't investigate

someone's gotten into ur stash of weed / drinks / xpixel tokens, who could it be!?

she’s a luver of trash & charity she’ll sleep with anyone who looks sad & pathetic!

can’t keep a relationship to save her life so maybe she broke ur heart & has no remorse ( or maybe so much remorse she’s naruto running away if she sees u... you broke her heart )

u hire her as ur fake gf to scare ur parents for $$$ but hey, now they'll be happy to see ur future s/os that aren't danyi

[goldkirk]

Updates updates

- drove home, saw family, had pizza for ONE EVENING, almost all of us got the plague

- plague sucks but definitely not as bad as if I didn’t have the booster, holy shit I can tell it would’ve been a lot worse. my body keeps trying to get going and then doesn’t need to and I’m like. wow. is this what it’s like to not be in excruciating full body joint pain and a 103 fever and raging coughs that pull muscles. incredible

- had shockingly good first in person interaction with family after moving, then got blindsided with p devastating family news two days later

- on the upside, it made me snap out of stuck-in-the-past-and-not-doing-anything-for-my-own-life mode so I now plan to focus all energy as soon as I get back to WA on building as much of a stable and financially stable life as possible in a giant speed run for a few years so I can give the kids a safe place to land literally asap that will be healthy for ALL of us not just flying in crisis mode at Mach 5

- just started a new job in my company with more data and data reporting work, like a split between client interaction, back end work, UX design, data interpretation, content editing, and presentation creation. Scary but exciting

- I am finally actually okay on money. I am finally actually okay on money. I cannot believe I’m not scared about money every single day right now. I have never felt this ever and I’m still crying occasionally over how grateful I am to those of you who helped me out in the past, you have no idea how much of a difference you made. I wish I could do something to give back but I promise for sure I’ll at least pay it forward however I can

- WHY DID I EVER LIVE HERE. HOLY SHIT IT IS SO HOT I CAN’T WALK OUTSIDE MORE THAN A COUPLE MINUTES MAX.

- I haven’t injured anything in weeks and am not even subluxing most joints I used to now, this is incredible and I’m so happy. I’m in less pain daily than I think I’ve been in since 2013

- I had two major moments recently where I was able to go newer routes instead of having no highway in my brain besides old damaging ones and let me tell you kids, apparently when push comes to shove, all your teeny little million-bad-day-moments of exhausted rewiring do actually add up. So when you’re frustrated that you can only sit and think about how you could do better or what you’d do if you had the ability but you’re stuck in depression or panic or w/e, please be informed that apparently that’s still actually wiring up pathways in your brain. Action isn’t the only thing that builds the highways—just thinking through them does too. So. You’re doing good work still, even when you don’t think you are.

- turns out my hair just hates WA soft water. The second I washed it in MO it had more curl without any conditioner or gel than it has had WITH gel in it in WA for MONTHS. Unbelievable. Is there a reverse hard water filter that puts minerals IN your shower water?

- Aoife. Is a Very Good Girl.

- turns out I haven’t needed antihistamines for full body itchy stress hives since I actually met my family and got it over with. What a stupid amount of stress I built up over that in the past month. I can’t wait to never again get questions about why it looks like I’ve rolled my whole head and torso in plant venom at random five days of the week

- Aoife is so so so so so so so so so so SO good with all the little kids even the babies. Even when she got overwhelmed and totally pooped out she was unfailingly gentle with them. She’ll parkour off of any adult since people reinforced that unfortunately, but she is an absolute angle with tiny humans and even lets the tiny 1-2 year olds boss her around. Hilarious

- I didn’t realize I was depressed but I think I’m finally un-depressed enough to realize “oh shit I was depressed huh. I’m still depressed huh. Better keep working on that”

- on that note. i finally don’t feel like there is no hope or point to ever writing Hymn again. So hopefully soon I’ll have enough not depressed brain to actually imagine non-depressing scenarios for it. Jesus all I could think of was trauma and depression city for that fic. And that’s not what anyone needs—I can write great grim dark but the point of Shutterbug is comfort and found family and HANDLING symptoms not chapter after chapter of more bad news or symptom incidents. Jeez. Anyway I have an inspo folder again so I’m trying guys, I’m trying. I don’t know what I’m the world will be next, or who I’ll finally find a voice through again, but I’m trying. Maybe it’ll be damian! We haven’t had damian in a bit. Or cass. I want cass so bad but she’s just too not depressed for me to get in her head right now. We’ll see!!

- Highly recommend a new fun strategy called “if you don’t like your own personality, an army of RPG OCs can help you try out and build a new one just fine”

- when I get back to WA I’m going to try paddle boarding and build up to going regularly enough i can buy my own board and rent a spot for it at a marina. I have to wait longer to start doing aerial training bc I keep injuring my back but paddle boarding will give me sweet sweet sunshine and core stability and solve most of my “I hate exercising for the sake of exercising” problems. Pls pester me for photos if I haven’t posted any within a month

- if we’re plague free by next week, I’m going to see a rock concert for the first time! And not be afraid of sinning while I do it! no one can make fun of me because there’s nothing to make fun of and no one can shame me because there’s nothing I’m doing wrong.

[bulgariansumo]

Welcome to the third part of my Mario retrospective. Here are the first and second parts if you want to read. Or don't! I'm not your boss. Since this movie is somewhat recent, I'm gonna put part of this under a spoiler. There's not really much to spoil; I just wanna be on the safe side.

Super Mario Bros. (2023)

The final movie, for now. Despite the critiques I’m going to give later on, I enjoy it quite a bit! It’s a very fun movie and is what it set out to be even if there’s a few places where it stumbles.

A lot changed about the Mario franchise in just one decade after the live action movie’s release: characters’ clothes, names, the complete disappearance of anything related to Brooklyn, New York, and so on. Imagine what can change in three decades! 

…Not too much more that’s relevant here. The series aims to be a static one, and this was very much the case during the 2010s. It’s only recently maybe kind of sort of getting away from that? Just a little bit. But this cementing of the Mario series identity is a big change in itself, and with Nintendo looking over Illumination’s shoulder, they couldn’t exactly get away with putting the Mushroom Kingdom’s inhabitants in leather and chains.

Nintendo choosing Illumination to take on this project makes sense the more I think about it. Not only are their movies generally well-received, they have experience doing adaptations like The Grinch (2018), and of course, The Lorax (2012). 

Let’s consider the Mario Movie Dilemma: How does Super Mario Bros. (2023) balance being a movie and being Mario? With Illumination’s talent and Nintendo’s strict oversight, it maintains this balance the best out of all three movies. Sure, there’s some wonky casting choices, some licensed music that doesn’t quite fit, and a feeling that the movie is about to burst from the seams with references, but it keeps its balance much like a unicyclist juggling on a tightrope.

The decision to keep in line with the last two movies and follow Mario and Luigi’s first foray into the Mushroom Kingdom is a strange one. As mentioned before, Nintendo had since made it so that they were born there, and hadn’t mentioned Brooklyn since. When this plot was announced, many fans were confused, assuming Mario always lived in the Mushroom Kingdom. I don’t think this movie had to be an origin story, there’s other plots that could’ve been made to fit the Mario Formula™, but it does make it easier to establish the characters.

Speaking of the characters, another big change that separates this movie from the other two is that the game characters have established personalities now. Mario is a happy-go-lucky guy with a lot of determination, Luigi is timid and easily frightened, Bowser is a brute that’s evil for the fun of it, Peach is sweet and dainty, Donkey Kong is an easygoing meathead, and Toad sounds screechy. 

These are simple characterizations, but they’ve had a good 20 years to marinate. They alone struggle to carry the kind of mainstream movie this one wants to be, so let’s see how they’re built on.

Mario - He’s an average guy, not as gung-ho as his game counterpart but not world-weary like the live action movie version. His family doubts his dreams, giving him underdog woes, yet further bolstering his determination. The beginning of the movie demonstrates that he’s already skilled with jumps and stuff before the adventure but inexperienced enough that there are still challenges for him to face during it. He is an acceptable protagonist …and yet, it feels like there’s something missing. Many have said that canon Mario doesn’t have a personality, and I’m not going to argue that he’s complex or anything, but he’s an endearing little guy. This Mario is just a guy. Despite having the most going on out of any depiction of Mario I’ve seen, this one feels the blandest to me. It’s not his design, it’s not even entirely his voice (though his voice actor’s lack of energy was an issue). He’s not very animated, I think. There’s never any moments where Mario stands out to me. His expressions in the OVA were really charming. In the games, he’s not always the most animated in expressions, but his voice is. Aside from the things that are required of this Mario as a protagonist, there’s little to endear me to him other than his and Luigi’s relationship. And that leads into a whole other issue. As for whether he sets the tone of this movie... I can't say for certain. The movie is dead set on making the world of the games look fun, and Mario is having fun, but he seems kind of muted compared to the rest of the cast. If anything, I'd say everyone but Mario sets the tone here.

Luigi - Along with being easily scared like his canon counterpart, this Luigi really cares for Mario and thinks the world of him, which is also true to canon, but it really has a chance to show here. It also leads into some of the funniest lines in the movie. He’s also portrayed here as kind of helpless. It’s established that Mario is his protector, and wherever he goes, Luigi goes. Charlie Day’s performance is really spirited; I hope he was compensated for all twenty of his lines. That’s exaggerating, but yeah. He gets captured instead of Peach, which I understand why, though it did make me sad to know that he wouldn’t be a part of the adventure, especially after seeing how his and Mario’s relationship is depicted here. It would’ve been interesting to see an escape plan regardless of who got kidnapped, and Luigi taking steps to escape on his own would help tie together the character growth he has at the end a little better. But the movie doesn’t go that route. He sits there, barely getting lines.

Bowser - Perfect. No notes. Whenever they give Bowser lines in the games, he’s an evil jock who's larger than life. He’s basically the same character here, even down to the voice, which I was shocked to hear Jack Black pull off. The only difference in his characterization is the running gimmick of how insecure he is about wanting Peach to like him, which is fun.

Donkey Kong - In this movie, he’s a showoff-y jock who really loves his dad. It’s weirdly endearing at times. He’s also Mario’s rival and bickers with him a lot. I have mixed feelings, because while I do like how he and the rest of the Kongs were handled in this movie, removing them might’ve freed up some time for the main cast to get to do more.

Toad - He’s there. The trailers propped him up as if he was going to be the comic relief sidekick, but once the adventure starts, he’s barely in the movie. I got jumpscared a few times by him because I forgot he existed. You could remove him from the heroes’ group, and it would barely change anything.

Lumalee - Lumalee is not an important character, but I wanted to single them out because their whole gimmick is “cute creature says depressing things,” which probably overstays its welcome even for those who got a laugh out of it. Personally, I found it grating, but even more grating is that most scenes that could be focused on Luigi or any of the other more interesting prisoners focuses on this character instead.

Side Cast in General -  Very good! For what some of the main characters lacked, the incidental characters really made things fun. The only one I have critique about is Foreman Spike, whose role in the movie (aside from being an obscure reference) is better filled by Mario and Luigi’s family.

You may notice that I skipped Peach. This is because from a creative perspective, she’s such an interesting challenge that she deserves her own mini-essay. She’s worth it. 

Having a female character whose sole purpose is to be a damsel in distress has been seen as cliche for many decades, but you could get away with it to some extent in years past. Fans of the games are fairly resigned to it, but it would not be wise to go that route when trying to appeal to a broader movie-going audience in 2023. 

On top of that, Princess Peach has the least consistent characterization of the main Mario characters. In most mainline games, she’s kidnapped, so we really only get to see that she’s sweet and dainty. Those aspects are still there in spinoffs, but the ones added onto her vary a lot. In Paper Mario games, she’s portrayed as strong-willed, in the Mario & Luigi RPGs, she’s proactive and clever, in some of the party/sports games, she doesn’t seem to know what’s going on all the time (“Did I win?”), and in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, she’s so oblivious that it loops back around into her seeming too cool to care. ‘The airship we’re on is exploding? That won’t stop me from having a nice tea party with my new friends Samus Aran and Solid Snake.’ So while Peach has a few established personality traits, there’s many different directions she could be taken in.

This movie decided to make her a proactive, actiony type, willing to defend her kingdom with her own two hands if it comes down to it. On paper, this sounds close to how she’s depicted in the Super Mario Adventures comics, which is my favorite version of her. Before rewatching the movie, I was going to say that the movie version of her felt like a watered down version of that in practice. I still think so, but not because there’s anything wrong with how she’s written. She just doesn’t get a lot of chances to shine. Every character kind of has that problem. There. That saved nine paragraphs of me rambling.

Despite my complaints about how some characters were (not) used, it doesn’t impact the movie too badly. The movie’s more plot-focused than character focused. There’s a lot of care put into staying faithful to the games in both looks and vibes, which I appreciate, while also being a fun movie in its own right. 

The plot itself is not super complicated: Mario and Luigi stumble into the Mushroom Kingdom’s world and get separated, and Mario wants to rescue him. In the meantime, Bowser is trying to take over the world and marry Peach. Very fitting for a Mario plot.

What the plot may lack in complexity, it makes up for in… stuff. Stuff is happening all the time. They really wanted to fit in as many things as they could from the games, and while it helps give characters things to do during their journey, it borders on feeling cramped.

Take Bowser’s beautiful power ballad, for example. I thought we were going to get a full musical number, only for it to be cut off right when I was really feeling it. The movie’s like “Chop, chop, we gotta move to the next scene.” It feels like it’s always running out of time, and it gets stressful at some points. I remember being on pins and needles during my first watch, wondering if it would give Luigi something meaningful to do in the last five minutes.

Watching this movie is like going on a tour in a beautiful city, but your tour guide is going at a breakneck pace. You still have a good time, but you don’t get to take things in as much as you want to. The movie has little room to breathe; I feel like this might be part of the reason some characters, Peach and Luigi especially, were mishandled. With so much going on, there’s no time to focus on them. I’m still looking forward to the next movie, though! Hopefully, they’ll slow down?

Let’s end things off with my personal ranking of each movie, from favorite to least.

Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach! (1986): Due to being released so early in the series’ lifetime, it’s a little odd to some, but it’s cozy and full of charm like any good Mario game. It succeeds at what it’s trying to do.

Super Mario Bros. (2023): It’s incredibly faithful to the current state of the series while being a fun movie in its own right, but key characters lack charm, and the experience can feel a little rushed.

Super Mario Bros. (1993): It threw away any resemblance to Mario in order to be its own movie and somehow failed at both. Pour one out for the visual artists.

Now, I am free from my mental shackles. Thank you for reading my ramblings. I hope you found something of interest.

[goddamnwebcomics]

My Not-so-Brief Review of Gene Catlow (Part 5)

In this part we'll talk about the villains and first half of Matt's group.

Characters (Part 4)

In terms of non-redeemed antagonists, you’ve got arguably the biggest one in form of Furry Unity group, they’re relevant in the first arc, acting as the other extreme to Michael Alan Avariss. Mason is their leader and I’ve already talked in length about him and his shitty would-be redemption in the hands of Masonite. Honestly Furry Unity should’ve been the main antagonist of this comic after Avariss exits the scene, as they’re shown to be quite dangerous, even if their existence and how every character treats them is murky, when humans have shown to have done much worse things to furries. Speaking of, let’s talk about the first villain of this comic, Michael Alan Avariss. He is a brutal furryhating corporate executive, but he is also shown to have depths, especially when it comes to his wife and son. While an intimidating antagonist, his defeat and lack of effect in the plot really make him more pathetic and pathetic on retrospective. His existence is also the biggest proof Albert didn’t always intend the comic to become World of Friends propaganda as even with his questionable moments of humanity, he is still an irredeemable monster who’s killed hundreds if not thousands of furries with his influence. That makes his defeat even more pathetic, as Cotton mocks him and then he gets arrested. He doesn’t even bail himself out of jail, he just stays in the shadows for the rest of the comic with occasional flashbacks. I’ve already talked about the Hosts and how they failed spectacularly as a concept, so let’s talk about the villain of the second arc, the faceless original animen, also known as Evil Stagglers. We never see their faces but they are stated to be hideously ugly. Their plan with Gene and Catwhis is also questionable as they don’t really do anything. Then Crendall and Elder Mother show up, Crendall punches one of them in the face and then Cotton wipes them out. The last irredeemable villain I can think of are the “Evil Children” of the Amphibians, that Matt gives physical bodies to in form of his puppets, we learn nothing about them but they seemed to be the Final Boss of the Entire Comic, being able to wreck Tane’s cat utopia and even fatally damage the Amphibian homeworld’s leaders, but due to Albert’s death it’s likely we’ll never learn anything else about them, and what exactly was their relationship with Matt.

And then we get to my favourite group of the entire comic, Matt’s crew, the Family that is loyal to Matt. I feel like the strongest incarnation of this group is when Stuart and Tassy were still part of the group as it feels like the group just turned into a mess after they left. This group is formed after the old Family Power loses it’s energy, and a new Family Power kitten is formed to fight the Hosts. Oddly enough we never see this kitten after its first appearance. Did it die when Big Cats took away Matt’s powers? That would be cruel. Either way, the part of Matt’s crew who we didn’t get to see backstab him includes Burke, the accountant of the family, Carson, Matt’s “Legal Muscle”, Taria, the group’s receptionist, Clay, goblin cat who constantly wants to fight people and Cydnee, Matt’s matagot partner in crime. I think that Taria is the most nothing member of the group, she was obviously gonna backstab Matt next, but she also does have a fierce side to her with her calling out Carson, and also being genuinely angry that Stuart and Tassy left Matt’s group. Clay is a petty little shit, and I don’t think he was well established enough outside of getting his ass kicked by Matt. Then we get to characters I have a lot to say about. Carson went from being somewhat untrustworthy of Matt to being very loyal to him, an issue with him is that he is perhaps a bit too loyal to whoever is in charge, and he doesn’t tolerate criticism of any kind. I feel like he’s kinda self-sabotaging the group with his behaviour. However it all changes when he begins to get tormented by Forzoi. Once fierce and threatening lion is reduced to a nervous, anxious wreck under Forzoi’s fierce mindrape. You really gotta feel bad for him, and is it really a redemption if Forzoi was trying to FORCE him to redeem himself? Carson really had no option or Forzoi would have literally killed him. And then we have Burke, sweet, lovely, relatable Burke. Burke is too pure for this hellish comic. He starts off with his homosexuality being strongly hinted at, and he even has a crush on Matt. However he starts becoming a much deeper character, the Big Cats almost kill him due to his bad immune system forcing Matt to call the help of his traitors. Even when the group falls apart, Burke is immensely competent and a workaholic to the max. We really learn more about him when he takes a vacation but happens to share a plane with his ex-boyfriend, Sulfur. The scenes between Sulfur and Burke are deeply emotional and some of the best written dialogue in this entire comic. Sulfur doesn’t really want to throw Burke under the bus even if he’s with a group he obsessively hates. Burke and Sulfur, even with their dysfunctionality, are the best couple in this entire comic.

[workoutalltheunknowns]

i always seem to return to tumblr when it feels like i have no where else to go, when my journal doesn’t cut it, when i feel things that i am ashamed of. it is my comfort blanket, even these many years later. 

simply put, i am exhausted. i cycle through life experiencing great burnouts, burning the candle at both ends and then i reach a point where i just cannot any longer - there’s nothing left, i feel empty. since the pandemic, i feel like i’ve dumbly been going through the motions of life with my emotional processing centers shut down (or is it since i’ve stopped drinking?). but this past year i started feeling loneliness and grief and melancholy again, after a long while and after finally getting to live with lloyd and create a life together after so long of waiting and yearning for it. i am grateful for our little life. our flat, our cat, our love. i have a wonderful job (as much as having to participate in capitalism allows). but my relationship with others around me have affected me, and honestly, so has existence through all of its requirements. i have lost friends and community, and have had to face hard truths surrounding my loaded relationship with my dad that are way more emotionally taxing than i had previously realized. i am sick of waking up every day and experiencing the same day, over and over again. i have no energy for much else outside of work. and i take on additional work outside of work, because unfortunately i have some deep rooted workaholic tendencies that i recognize and resign myself to and then resent. and then some of them aren’t self imposed. but no matter the type, i feel weak and fragile and tired. very, very tired. 

i called out of work yesterday. i thought i was sick and realized i wasn’t. i certainly feel off kilter mentally, if nothing else, and maybe my body is manifesting some of it physically, too, in some ways that made me think i needed a rest. i called out again today, and i feel guilty, but i just can’t get myself to go. i dread waking up for work every day. i dread every minute that i’m there. and this is the best job i have ever had in my life; they are flexible with me, they treat me well, i am allowed to create my own hours, they trust me, we are like family, truly. but i feel overworked and underpaid, and all of the niceties and benefits extended to me aren’t enough to make those feelings go away. i resent the undervaluing of my labor and the inherent hierarchy of every company. the idea of growth, making more money, allowing people at the top to work less and make more while i continue to plug away ad nauseam. with the add on of all the emotional turmoil i’ve experienced outside of work, it just feels too much lately and like there’s not anything i can do but acquiesce to the little voice in my head telling me to blag it off and stay home. and now i feel guilt.

i’ve been suggested to give therapy another go by my doctor, my mom, my boss, even. but truth be told i don’t think i can afford it, and i fear that the root of all my issues is life itself. speaking to a professional to get to the bottom of all the exhaustion i have felt only to realize that participating in society’s role for me is the issue. life. everyone has to subscribe to the societal and economic order of things, i am no exception. so where does that leave me?

i don’t know. this is a lot. i am going to put on a movie and try not to think.

[beels-burger-babe]

Of Jealousy and Friendship - Pt. 1

Topic number 2 won in the vote to be written next! So without further-a-do, let’s get going!...This ended up being a two part thing. Oh Well. Here’s part one. - B GN! MC Summary: MC makes a lower demon friend who may secretly be hoping for something more than friendship. The Demon Bros are not about to let this happen. Part Two: Here, Epilogue: Here It all started in magical potions. When you first arrived, the course wasn’t so bad since you took it with Beelzebub. The two of you always partnered up; the hour would consist of you jokingly scolding Beel for trying to eat ingredients and making light hearted jokes with one another whenever the teacher turned their back.  But once the second semester started, Beel was moved out of the course as it had gotten too expensive to keep him in a class where most of the subject matter was edible.  Which left you alone and bored in the classroom as the teacher went on and on about Mandrake roots and what they can be used for. You let out a heavy sigh and plopped your forehead onto the desk.  A soft snort came from beside you. You glanced over to see a demon with his feet propped up on his desk staring right back at you out of the corner of his dark green eyes. He smiled at you with a tilt of his head.  “The lectures are a total snooze fest right? I joined this class cause I thought we’d be making potions and causing stuff to explode. Not sitting here twisting our thumbs all day.” 

You bit back a laugh as you worried glanced over at the professor, who was none-the-wiser to the little conversation the two of you were sharing. You looked back over to the demon. His dark skin caused those hauntingly green eyes of his pop out at all who met his gaze, with carefully trimmed and styled black curls sitting stylishly on the top of his head.  There was a playful and mischievous energy to him that reminded you of Belphie, Asmo and Mammon.  “Unfortunately suffering through this section of class is mandatory to be allowed to mess around with the fun stuff.”  The demon groaned and threw his head back. “Urgh, that’s so unfair. What’s the worst that can happen? The potion explodes and kills us? Newsflash teach, we’re already dead.”  You couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out at that one.  “Well actually the worse that could happen, for you at least as I am a very mortal human, is that you’d suffer the consequences from one of the potions. Anything from shrinking to de-aging to charms, all kinds of things. I’ve seen the effects of a potion gone wrong a number of times during my time down here. Trust me; you don’t want to be on the receiving end.”  He looked over at you with an analytical eye as the corners of his lips tilted upwards. “So you’re the human that everyone’s talking about.” He trailed off, and glanced over at the teacher to make sure they weren’t looking before stretching out his hand towards you. “I’m Cane. You know despite being the talk of RAD, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone mention your name?”  You took his hand into your own and lightly shook it. “I’m MC.” 

Cane leaned back into his chair, “It’s a pleasure to finally put a name and face to that glowing reputation of yours, MC. I see your pretty good at this potions thing, and I hear that you’re a lot of fun. How about you meet me downtown for supper later and we can study and get to know each other a little better?”  Your initial instinct was to agree, but then you paused as you thought of the brothers. “I don’t know. I don’t think that Lucifer or the others would like it much if I went out on my own.”  The demon huffed and light heartedly rolled his eyes. “You won’t be alone, you’ll be with me. I may not be as powerful as them, but I’m still a pretty good fighter.” He teasingly placed a gentle punch onto your shoulder, “Besides, it’s not like they’re boss of you. Are you really going to let a bunch of snobby Lords keep you from making the best of your time in the Devildom?”  That last remark hit a nerve. If there was one thing that had spread quite quickly about you around RAD, it was that you were known for being a little reckless, prideful, and never being able to back down from a challenge, and boy did that statement have you itching to prove him wrong.  You smiled, a sharp dangerous smile, at Cane. “I’ll go. And we’re going to do so much more than just go to a lame restaurant and study. You want to have fun and take risks? We’ll have fun and take risks. Whatever you want to do...to a degree,” you added in quickly remembering that you were talking to a demon and if you didn’t implement any boundaries there was no telling what you’d get yourself into, “I’m in.”  Cane’s eyes sparkled as his smile widened. “Damn. I guess it’s true that you’re a bit of dare devil. Alright, you’re on. Meet me at Hell’s Kitchen a 4pm. We’ll study and hit the books as promised, but afterwards...Get ready for the night of your life.”  ***

The brothers were concerned. You had rushed into the House of Lamentation after school and sprinted to your room, changed out of your uniform and promptly shouted that you were “going out” before taking off before any of them could complain.  Mammon had tried to argue that someone should follow you, and while that wasn’t a terrible idea, Lucifer wanted to give you the question of the doubt. Worst case scenario, you come back home a little scratched up and learn your lesson about taking off into the dangers of the Devildom.  At least that’s what he had thought when you had initially left.  It was now bordering midnight, and you had yet to return home.  So yeah, the brothers were very concerned.  Mammon was pacing and ranting about how this all could’ve been avoided if they had only listened to him for once.  Leviathan was trying to distract himself with his game, but everyone could see the worried glances he kept throwing to the entrance and clock as the minutes ticked by.  Satan sat near where Mammon and would occasionally scold or correct him, and sometimes even throw in his own ideas on what could be done while he thumbed through a book on location spells.  Asmodeus was strangely quiet, sitting near the fire by himself with arms wrapped around his torso as he stared into the flames. He would occasionally move a hand to wipe at his face before it went right back to hugging himself.  Beelzebub had lost his appetite. He sat next to Belphie, taking comfort in his twin’s presence, while Belphegor pretended to be unbothered and asleep, even though his mind was racing with the many stupid situations you could’ve gotten yourself into.  And Lucifer...He just sat in a door near the entryway, his eyes fixed on the entrance as he silently waited.  Finally, just as the clock stroke midnight, they could hear your recognizable laugh from behind the door.  “Oh my god! That was incredible! I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun in life!” Leviathan stiffened at the statement, his hands gripping tighter onto his game.  “What did I tell you? I promised you the night of your life, and I sure as Diavolo always make sure to deliver,” everyone froze at the sound of the teasing male voice. “Though I didn’t expect the Seven Lords’ precious human to be a complete bad ass. You were amazing out there.”  Leviathan mumbled something before getting up and leaving the room. Mammon growled lowly and looked at the others, “Anyone know who the hell that is?”  Asmo finally stood, wiping at his face as he did, and began to stride towards the door, “Why don’t we find out?”  Without waiting for a response, Asmodeus swung the door open and pulled on a bright smile as he reached out and wrapped an arm around you. “MC, darling, you didn’t tell me you were bringing over guests! Don’t tell me you’re trying to have fun without me?”  You blinked up at the Asmo before smiling softly at his tactics. “Oh, hey Asmo! I didn’t expect you to be up. Cane here was just dropping me off.”  The demon in question didn’t even so much as stiffen as Asmodeus’s dangerous stare shifted over to him. Instead Cane stood there, relaxed, with a shit-eating grin on his face. Asmodeus raised an eyebrow at him and allowed a bit of his demonic aura to exude around him. “Oh really? At this time of night? Makes a demon wonder what kind of mischief the two of you had gotten up to,” while maintaining eye contact with Cane, Asmo rested his chin against your shoulder. “You know dear, if you wanted “fun” that badly all you had to do was ask. I assure you I could’ve shown you a much better time.” He purred and softly kissed your shoulder.  You shivered, missing the way Asmo stiffened as he noticed something, and swatted at the Avatar of Lust as you moved away from him. “Down Asmo. It’s nothing like that. Cane’s in my magical potions class. We went out to study together and decided to hit a couple clubs while we were out. No biggy.”  “If it’s ‘no biggy’ then why were you out all night without giving us any kind of warning of where you were going or how long you’d be out?” Everyone whirled around as Lucifer stood in the doorway with a frown etched on his face and his arms crossed. He took a step closer to you before freezing mid-step, his nose twitching. His eyes flared red as they fell onto Cane. The lower demon tensed and curled his hands into fists, but seemed to be refusing to back down. Lucifer snarled, “What exactly was it that you said the two of you were up to tonight?”  You frowned and stepped between Lucifer and your new friend. “Hey! Stop it! He didn’t do anything, if that’s what you’re implying. And I wasn’t aware that I needed permission for every single thing that I do!” You snapped poking his chest as you moved into his space. “So excuse me for wanting to go out and enjoy myself for once!”  Whatever fear Cane had been showing, quickly slipped away at seeing you stand your ground against the mighty first born. “Yeah. What they said.”  Lucifer growled and caught your hand into his own, pulling you close and leaning in, “You’d be wise to remember that you are in the Devildom and surrounded by beings that have no where near as good intentions as you’d assume. Being so reckless and naïve down here could get you killed again, I thought you had learned that.” His tone was cold and unapologetic as he practically spat the words in your face.  You glared at Lucifer as you yanked your hand out of his grasp. There was so many things you wanted to say to him, but none of them would be right to say in front of an audience. You huffed and turned to face Cane. “I am so sorry about those two. Thanks again for tonight and bringing me home. I’ll see you tomorrow in class, okay?”  Cane gave you a side smile as he scratched the back of his neck. “It’s nothing. I had a great time hanging out with you. Hopefully we can do again...under better circumstances. Goodnight MC.” He took a step towards you and pulled you into a hug.  You smiled, wondering how Lucifer and Asmo could be stirring up such a fuss about a guy who had been nothing but kind to you, and gently hugged him back.  What you couldn’t see, was Cane making direct eye contact with the two other demons, as one of his wrists gently brushed up and down you back and he very lightly nuzzled, so lightly that you could just barely feel it, his face against your neck.  “Hey, what’s takin’ everyone so- WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!” Mammon stormed forward and yanked you out of the demon’s embrace, already changing into his demon form. “Who the hell do you think you are scenting our human, huh?!” He lifted Cane off the ground by the collar of his shirt, causing the lower demon growl as he scratched at Mammon’s hands.  You yanked on Mammon’s jacket and arms and tried to get him to back off. “Woah! Mammon, relax! It was just a hug!”  “No it wasn’t,” Satan grumbled as he and the rest of the brothers (excluding Leviathan who was now sulking in his room) stood in the door way. “The fact that you don’t know that makes this even worst. But this isn’t a conversation we should be having out here.” Beel stared down at the demon with a fierce glare. “You should leave while you’re still able. And if you know what’s best for you, you’ll stay away from MC.”  “Wha- Beel! Cut that out!”  Cane took a step backwards, fear beginning to spill into his expression as he finally realizes just how out-powered and out-numbered he is. Still, he was stubborn pain in the ass; it was part of the reason he had been so drawn to you in the first place as he related to your reckless habits. He held Beelzebub’s glare and returned it with one of his own. “I think that MC can choose for themself who they do and do not hang out with, thanks. They already said they wanted to see me tomorrow so they will. We’re friends after all. And classmates,” his grin sharpened as he continued. “I do have to thank you, Lord Beelzebub, for that opening in magical potions by the way. Never would’ve got in if you hadn’t been kicked out.”  Before he could say anymore, he was met with a punch in the face. Belphegore lazily shook out his hand and his looked at Cane with an unbothered expression. “I believe we told you to leave. Now get. The. Fuck. Out.”  Cane scoffed and turned to you once more. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Dare Devil.”  You would’ve snorted at the nickname, but you were to distracted from the brother’s behavior. “Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow. Get home safe, Cane.” With another nod, the demon left; leaving you alone with six of the seven brothers bubbling with jealousy, anger, and concern.

[purpleshaded15]

AU: If Percy gives in to the dark side...

A/N: Now I’ve thought about it, especially if you’ve seen the Orthax!Percy form from the Q&A Episode where they explore his form if Percy gives in to Orthax. If you’ve seen it, he’s like a Final Fantasy Boss. But of course, they aren’t going for that, and the narrative won’t go there either. But my brain conjured up an AU somehow... which happens on Ep 11.

Warning: Angst. Dark. Cause... well... Need I explain myself? 

-------

Percy’s sweating profusely. He’s got the guard of his gun up, using it to shield from Cassandra’s blade. He’s wrecked with so many conflicting emotions; from happiness to finding her alive, to the pain of her betrayal. Her saying she is a Briarwood hurt him deeper than any wound could.

He wouldn’t hurt her. But how could she, try and hurt him, her own blood and family?!

His mind could come up with a lot of excuses for her right now, but time wouldn’t let him. This voice wouldn’t let him. 

She betrayed you, Percival. 

A voice only he could hear. A voice he thought was a product of his own insanity. He’d always ignored this voice. Fearing to admit that he’s gone crazy. 

But his hands moved on its own accord. He now couldn’t just ignore the shadow wrapping his arm. 

Kill her. 

“No...” was his immediate answer, sweating more intensely as he felt his gun arm start to point at her head. 

Yes... He felt the shadow mask him for a second... clouding his judgement... blinding him in that darkness. But no!

He used his left hand to change the trajectory of the shot to the ceiling, and used the distraction to run away, all the while hearing Cassandra blab about the Whispered One. 

He couldn’t quite concentrate. With this voice in his head, and this arm moving on its own, he’s been putting all his effort to just not kill his own sister. 

“They are my family!” He heard Cassandra yell, and his blood boiled again. He dodged but not enough that her blade left a cut on his left cheek. 

End this!!!

The voice was commanding this time. And he felt a surge of energy burst from his body. A whirling black smoke surrounded him. If before his problem was only his arm, now it’s his entire body. He struggled to get control, his right arm pointed right at her as she said, “So, you’re going to kill your own sister?” 

This was the first time he felt this much fear after a long time. He willed his body, his right arm to drop, his left arm to interfere but he couldn’t move. “I... don’t want to... but I...” His right eye cleared to show he’s still in there, as tears started to drop from it. 

KILL HER!

He wished for anyone to stop him from this point. He wished lightning would strike him; Sylas or Delilah to cut him down; or the building collapse on him; anything but this. He knew everyone was fighting their own battles (Grog has woken up & got Sylas occupied.) And he was clearly losing... not to his sister... but to... himself.

A sudden smoke flashed his eyes, the mask blinded him for a second, at the same time the gun fired.

The smoke cleared his eyes and he whimpered at the sight of splattered blood on the wall.

Cassandra dropped lifeless leaning on the wall with her brains out. Her blood splashed all over the wall, her eyes still staring right at him with animosity.

“No... This can’t be... No...” He sobbed and immediately ran to her, not realizing that now he could freely move again. The smoke was still whirling around him. “Cass! Cassandra!!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, as he held her close in his arms.

The tears just started to fall, at the same time the realization of unending pain. 

His vengeance brought him to her again.

And it’s his vengeance that killed her for good.

He knew, from a few years ago, that this vengeance would kill him too. He’s accepted that, but not this... not losing her again... not by his own hands...

Time stood still for a moment, as he mourned his loss again. He felt his grief and pain again. In a state of shock, horror, fear, guilt and regret, he didn’t notice the smoke had become larger. His shadow cast a larger, inhumane shade, grinning, and cackling in its form.

And he heard it in his head. The cackle. The maniacal laughter.

But he was too stunned to care. 

-----

After burning Sylas to ash and Delilah going into the chamber (of doom? I don’t remember what it’s called XD), the group split into chasing Delilah & opening the door, while Keyleth & Vex go around to find Percy. 

To their horror, they found him knelt in embrace on the floor with Cassandra’s dead body. All the blood had already spilt on the ground as well. 

“Oh no!” Keyleth gasped.

“Percy...?” asked Vex in a worried tone. She wanted to go to him but was stopped by Keyleth.

“Don’t. Look at the shadow...”

The smoke & shadow has grown larger in size, all emanating from Percy. 

Vex didn’t hesitate though, she carefully walked closer to Percy, to try and comfort him, reach him or snap him out of it, whatever she could do right now. “Percy... can you hear me?”

“Stop!” Percy angrily yelled which made Vex stop on her tracks. Percy pulled his head away from embracing his sister - a waterfall of tears on his eyes. He grasped his head with both hands and screamed, “STOP LAUGHING!” 

Vex looked at the shadows on the wall, and whatever it was, definitely was cackling. 

“Vex...?” he whispered weakly looking at her.

Vex noticed his form is now different. From the Ander’s fight, she knew his hexed eyes and twisted face, but something else has changed. His hands while they were still in gloves, have taken shape of a black claw. His hexed eyes more crazed and orange. His white hair now enveloped with smokey & pointy blackness that seemed to cascade. And from what she could see of his skin, from the neck to his face, there were intertwining lines that look like black veins of corruption. Black smoke coming out of his mouth as if there was hell within him.

She reached out her hand to him. “Percy, come! We can still fix this! We can bring her back!”

“NO!” Orthax voice yelled through Percy’s mouth... and a smokey shadow pushed Vex away and Keyleth caught her.

Orthax!Percy puts his hand on his chest and smirked menacingly to the both of them. “Percival is mine now... He knows there is no coming back. Isn’t that right Percival?”

Percy is pushed back to the forefront. His eyes unfocused, as dark veins continued to rise through his neck and hairline. “Y-yes...” Percy is so lost in his mind that he couldn’t comprehend the question nor formulate a proper answer.

“Yes,” said both Percy & Orthax voice in unison with Orthax’ voice much more forceful and in control. 

The corruption within has slowly eaten away his humanity. He wished to never feel pain again. To never suffer again. And slowly it’s becoming better. It feels better. With each second he felt the pain go away. But not just the pain, each and every feeling too. His grief, pain, sadness even his joy of being with his friends... all slowly fading away. Until he felt nothing. Nothing...

He looked at the corpse of his dead sister.

“Nothing at all.”

With this realization, Percy started to cackle like a madman, now in sync with the sinister laughter of his shadow. The shadow masked half his face permanently. He put out his hand and the List manifested in his shadow claw. 

“We have one last bitch to kill.” 

He vanishes in the shadow in an instant, leaving both Vex & Keyleth in shock, with a heavy understanding that now they have truly lost him. 

[elysiadjarin]

Day 6: Hand Kink

Day 6 of Kinktober! Already almost a week in, huh… I figured I’d dip into the rich Japanese side of mythology this time. I hope this is an acceptable tribute… Find my Kinktober Masterlist here.

Warnings: Minors DNI, this is 18+ content ONLY. Trigger warnings for violence mentioned including physical assault, some family abuse dynamics, implied sexual assault (does not actually happen), and mild descriptions of death. Also sexual content including soft dom themes, PinV unprotected sex, entirely consensual.

Tags: Beast Youkai x reader, fox spirit x reader, exophilia, terato

Small Sun Showers

“It’s such a small thing, really.”

You slid the bag you’d brought into the hollow of the old tree. Avoiding the ropes strung around, you carefully sat on the rock next to the tree.

“I brought you some sweet buns, this time, with poppy seeds,” you said, ignoring the comment that had come from the dark hollow. “Since you said you missed some of the herbs.”

The sound of crinkling came from the hole, followed by the sounds of munching. “Attentive to me, as always, sweet one,” the disembodied voice cooed, though a moment later burning orange eyes stared at you from the darkness.

You studiously avoided the gaze, looking down at the grass under your feet. A sliver of shadow from the abandoned warehouse nearby fell over you, giving you some shade from the warm sun. As always, you didn’t respond to the epithets. You never did.

“How is the temple doing?” The voice asked.

“It’s fine,” you answered, almost automatically. “The festival is coming up soon, so everyone is excited.”

“And yet you do not, hmm?” The eyes tilted, as though the head had cocked at her curiously.

Your eyes slid away, more towards the forest beyond the tree. Unconsciously, your fingers tugged at the long sleeves you wore, despite the warm weather.

“I’m a little nervous,” you admitted. “As a Shrine Maiden, I’m supposed to be doing the Miko Kagura. I’ve been practicing, but…”

“You wear long sleeves again.” A hint of suspicion crept into the voice.

Despite yourself, you flinched. “I— I’m just-“

A low growl issued from the tree. “A spirit has been harassing you again, hasn’t it. Why haven’t you called an exorcist? Or told your Father, the Priest?”

You turned your head away. “It’s been contracted by someone else,” you admitted, voice thin. “I… can’t tell Papa.”

A pause. “Because it was bought at a high price.” A sneer laced the voice. “Then how do you plan to get rid of it? You can’t hold it off forever yourself. And it’s already injured you, hasn’t it.”

You shook your head. “I’ll find out a way. I can’t bother anyone else with it.” Your eyes slid closed, the bruises mottled up your arm throbbing.

“Or you could create a contract with something far more powerful,” came the slick purr. “If you’d only break the talisman, I would make a contract with you, sweet one.” The sealed beast offered, for not the first time.

“You are a beast youkai,” you answered, voice steady. ��It is against your nature to bind yourself to anyone, much less become the guardian spirit of a small temple.” You reminded both him and yourself.

“Unless we have reason. Even the mightiest of beasts might be swayed by beauty such as yours.”

A bitter smile twisted your lips as you turned your face away. You? As if. The beast youkai only even spoke to you because you gave it food and paid attention to it out of your own loneliness, not because it somehow cared about you. You couldn’t bring yourself to really believe that.

With a soft sigh, you plucked at your sleeves. “What do you want me to bring you next time?”

But the voice stayed quiet for a moment. When it spoke again, something in its voice had changed. “Do you truly not believe me? I do not lie when I say that I would bind myself to you. I would never let you be injured. I would protect you, like your family cannot. I would hold you close,” the voice said, a dreamy tone in its voice, “and I would shower you with everything you deserve.”

You fought the tears that welled in your eyes as you abruptly stood, grabbing your bag. “If you don’t have any requests, I’ll just bring anything,” you interrupted, struggling to make sure your voice didn’t waver.

A sigh, so soft that you wondered if it were only the wind. “A meat bun.”

You nodded, then headed back down the hillside towards home. Reaching up, you angrily smeared your tears from your cheeks, breath hitching on your sobs.

You could never allow yourself to believe the words of a youkai, much less a powerful and dangerous one like him. No matter how sweet his words, how genuine they sounded… Everyone always lied to you. He would be no exception.

You tried to ignore the little part of you that wondered if maybe, just maybe, dying at the hands of the youkai would be better than continuing the misery of your life.

~

“Fouuuund youuuu.” A yawning mouth sprang from the darkness, black eyes fixed with crazed bloodlust on your body.

You dropped to the floor, scrambling across the hardwood to slide towards the doorway. Leaping back up, you ran for your life. Your breaths came fast and shallow as you blindly ran, tripping through the dark halls of the temple. Behind you, you could hear cackling laughter as its talons scrabbled after you.

You reached out your hand, then burst though the main doors, stumbling across the stones out front. Looking up, you froze.

An entire group of men stood in front of you, all staring at you with leering, jeering faces. The one in the front, the one your brain automatically assumed was the leader, stepped forwards.

“Well, well. Would you look at that.” He grinned, his eyes sliding over your shoulder.

Something grabbed your arm, wrenching you back. You stifled a cry, sinking your teeth into your lip as claws brutally dug into the bruises already all up your arm. The spirit held you, its tight grip almost unbearable.

“I guess the boy must really hate his family, huh?” the man sneered, hands in his pockets as he stared at you down his nose. Reaching out with his foot, he kicked at you like some sort of trash. “To think that he’d offer his own younger sister in exchange for his debts.”

Your heart sank. Of course. Your brother who had gotten into debt with the yakuza. Of course he’d offer you: the only girl, the precious little shrine maiden.

Sadly enough, it didn’t even surprise you. But at least now you figured out why the spirit had haunted you in particular so insistently, and how much trouble you were in. Which, you snorted bitterly to yourself, was a lot. Probably at risk of your life, at best.

A wild thought flashed through your head, desperate but somehow… insistent. Your eyes briefly scanned the crowd of men. You were smaller than most of them, and probably in better shape at this point. If you managed to get a brief head start, you weren’t too far away— enough to maybe be able to get there just fast enough. But you’d have to immobilize the spirit first, at least temporarily.

Thickly, you swallowed, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply. You had enough. Just enough for one— Your other hand landed on the spirit’s as your eyes flew open. The spirit let out a piercing shriek, letting go of you as the searing spiritual energy burst through your palm. You didn’t hesitate.

Breaking into a dead sprint, you headed straight for the hill behind the temple. Behind you, you could hear the angry shouts of the men as they started after you. You pushed yourself, ignoring it, taking as many shortcuts as you could, heart pounding in your ears as you gasped for air. Your legs were starting to ache, and you could hear them gaining on you; but the warehouse was in sight.

Skidding around the corner, you ran straight for the tree. Your hand reached for the talisman.

When the yakuza men caught up to you, they found you kneeling at the base of the tree, a shattered seal at your feet.

Tears streaked down your cheeks as you whispered into the hollow. “Please… if you help me, just this once… I’ll give you myself in exchange,” you promised weakly.

“It’s too late now, little girl,” the boss sneered, starting to step towards you. “You’re coming with us.”

But before he could say anything more or another move was made, a dark mist began to swirl around the area. Shouts of confusion arose as the mist covered everything, too dark to see through, almost too dark to even move in safely. A low, grating laugh spilled from the darkness, just as you felt yourself being lifted up.

Startled, you gasped softly and clung to the solidity you could feel under your fingers. Lips parted, you stared at the familiar orange eyes that slowly materialized in front of you. A wide, fanged grin split the darkness underneath the eyes; and slowly, a body started to emerge from the swirling dark mist.

“Well hello there, my sweet one,” the familiar voice cooed. Long, pitch black hair tied in a low ponytail framed a pale face. The beast youkai, one that you now recognized as a Fox, held you effortlessly in one arm, pulling you close to his chest. He towered above the ground, dwarfing you in every way possible. His entire hand curled around almost your entire thigh.

You swallowed. “H-hello,” you whispered tremulously, not even sure what to think at this point.

“You released me,” he murmured, his eyes fixed on you. He leaned forward, and his nose brushed against your cheek as a soft purr rumbled through his chest, reverberating down into you.

Your fingers clenched in his robe, surprise flittering through you that he wasn’t… leaving. Or killing you.

“My brave darling,” the youkai fairly gushed, nosing against you. “Now I can finally fulfill my promise to you.”

“Promise?” you repeated dumbly, mind whirling. What-?

He chuckled. “I told you, didn’t I? That I would contract with you, if you set me free. Protect you, cherish you as you should be.”

He’d actually meant it? What?

“I…” You stared up at his orange eyes, fixed on you intensely. Your breath stuck in your throat as the familiar ache of longing overcame you. Reminded you of your stupidity, falling in love with the beast youkai that you thought would never even glance at you if he were free.

“Of course I’ll do anything for you,” he purred, his tongue flicking out to briefly lick away the tear-streak on your cheek. “As if I would deny you when you offer me the one thing I truly desire more than anything else.” He grinned, eyes sparking. “You.”

And then his fingers tilted your chin up, and your eyes squeezed shut as his lips landed on yours. The kiss was warm and soft, surprisingly so. You could feel your spiritual energy gravitating towards him, could feel it wrapping around him, infusing him, as he made a contract binding him to you and your spiritual energy. He reluctantly let go of your lips, the dizzying kiss making your head spin as you gasped for breath.

“My name is Kaz, sweet one,” he murmured, orange eyes half-lidded in simmering contentment.

Unthinkingly, you repeated the name. “Kaz…”

His eyes glowed. “Now then. Why don’t we start with these filth?”

In the next moment, the mist cleared to reveal that everyone now stood in the empty warehouse. Kaz still held you in his arm, keeping you close against his chest as he stared at the yakuza men starting to reorient themselves.

The boss cursed, glaring at you and Kaz. “Hand her over,” he spat, bristling. “She’s ours.”

But Kaz only laughed, his teeth baring as feral glee glittered in his eyes. “Give you my precious shrine maiden?” he cackled. “Didn’t you ever consider the fact that she is in fact a shrine maiden at a temple, with her own powerful spiritual energy? Enough to make a contract with a powerful beast like me?” He licked his lips. “And your blood… smells wonderful.”

Some of the men started to look wary, clearly leery about the sheer size of Kaz, especially in comparison with you.

Kaz tilted his head toward you, just as he flicked his fingers. A soft sort of puffy cloud materialized beside him, and he gently set you on it. “Stay here while I get rid of these nuisances,” he said gently, his fingers brushing across your cheek. “I’ll be right back, I promise.” With one last sickeningly sweet smile, he turned towards the men. A sword materialized in his hand, practically the size of your entire body.

You looked away, bile rising in your throat. The blood drained from your face as you heard the men screaming, the sound of the carnage making you reach up to clap your hands over your ears. Though you were sure the men were far from innocent or deserving of mercy, the brutality of their deaths was undeniable. A high-pitched, inhuman shriek indicated that the spirit they’d contracted had also been shredded by Kaz.

It made you wonder. How powerful was Kaz, exactly-?

After another moment, you felt Kaz lift you up again in his arm. Eyes flying open, you grasped at his shoulders as he pulled you close against himself again. His other blood-spattered hand still held his sword, but his eyes were adoringly fixed on you.

Reaching up, you absently wiped away a tiny drop of blood off of his jaw. “Thank you,” you whispered. Despite yourself… you felt safe.

His eyes visibly lit up, and his grin widened as he gazed up at you. “Ah, my darling praises me!” You could swear his eyes had hearts in them. “Do I get a kiss?” His grin turned teasing.

You swallowed thickly. “I… I promised you myself if you helped me,” you said weakly. “It’s all I can really give you… besides my spiritual energy—“

Kaz leaned forwards, his face so close that you could almost feel his breath against your lips. “Be my bride,” he whispered, his voice a heady murmur.

You breath hitched. “K-Kaz?” Had you… heard him right-?

“You offered me yourself, darling,” he purred. “So, be my bride. I am contracted to you, aren’t I? So I will be an impertinent beast and ask the shrine maiden to be my bride without shame.”

You closed your eyes. “Okay,” you whispered.

He paused, as though he himself didn’t believe you’d agreed.

Because you both knew that as a youkai contracted to someone with spiritual energy, you had the power to entirely command him to do anything… and deny him anything. Yet here you were, agreeing to be his bride.

“Okay, Kaz,” you repeated, not meeting his eyes. You could feel the color splash across your face.

But in all honesty, it wasn’t as though you really had many other options. Kaz could promise you some sort of safety even against your own family, and his power was certainly enough to protect you against other youkai. It had taken one of the highest-complexity talismans to even seal him away in the first place, and you could already feel through the contract how powerful he was.

The idea of being his bride… wasn’t really disagreeable.

“Darling,” Kaz breathed. His lips gently slid against yours, the touch soothing and almost… grounding. “I’ll be a most devoted husband, I promise,” he murmured.

You closed your eyes and decided that you would try to believe.

The talisman had been such a small thing, really.

~

You smiled as you walked down the street, stretching your hand out to gather the raindrops that pattered down and pooled in your palm. The weather had been beautiful, but despite the warm sunshine and hardly a cloud being in the sky, it had still decided to rain.

Pausing in the middle of the empty sidewalk, you lifted your face and let the raindrops splash against your face in a cooling shower. You loved the rain, the way it seemed to wash away all your heavy worries and soothe the ragged edge in your soul.

A shadow fell over you, and you opened your eyes to see Kaz standing above you, smiling down at you. He leaned down and swept you up into his arm, one hand holding your thigh while the other wrapped around your waist. A startled laugh fell from your lips as you held onto his shoulders.

“Is my darling enjoying the fox wedding?” he cooed.

You flushed, just then realizing the common name for the burst of cloudless rain. You gave him a shy smile, then nodded.

He chuckled. “Should we celebrate, sweet one? I can give you a gift, if you like.” Between one breath and another, he’d shifted you both somewhere else.

You gasped, eyes widening as you saw that you were floating on a soft, wispy cloud, now deep in the forest on the outskirts of town. A place no other people were, where the rain pattered softly against the leaves of the trees and dripped to the undisturbed grasses below. Flowers bloomed beneath your cloudy carpet ride, and you leaned over to brush your fingers through the colorful blooms.

The cloud rose a little, coming to a stop and floating peacefully. Kaz pulled you into his lap, his hands wrapping around your entire waist. He smiled, watching your expressions as you looked around in delight.

“And what do you think of your wedding veil, my darling bride?” Kaz murmured, leaning down to brush his nose against your hair.

You looked down at the long, wispy cloud under you, and smiled. “It’s pretty. Thank you, Kaz.” You tilted your head back to smile at him.

His orange eyes flared, and he caught your lips in a burning kiss that seared through you like foxfire. Letting out a surprised squeak, you grasped his robe, fingers tangling in it for support as he pulled you closer, tilting his head and deepening the kiss. Your head spun as your eyes fluttered closed.

When he finally parted, you gasped a little for air, blinking dazedly. His hand gently slid up your waist and side, sliding to your back, pulling you flush against him. He pressed another kiss to your lips. You realized, with a burst of embarrassment, that the rain had entirely soaked your shirt, plastering it to your body and leaving rather little to the imagination.

“Darling, my darling,” Kaz murmured against your lips, “won’t you let me touch you?” His hands slid down your body, fingers caressing you sensually.

You bit your lip, heat staining your face. It wasn’t fair. He knew your weakness for his hands. His large, strong hands that held you close, admired your body with touch. His calloused, capable hands that protected you, defended you, worked for you.

You nodded shyly, peeking up at him. Your lips parted in a gasp as his hands slid under your shirt, starting to map out your skin. His tongue slid against yours in a soft kiss, almost distracting you from how his hands deftly explored your body.

It almost startled you when your back landed against the cloud, Kaz hovering above you with his hands wrapped around your waist. His robe slipped open, sliding down his shoulders as he observed you with burning eyes.

“So beautiful, darling,” he purred, his hands trailing down to your pants. “Can I touch? Please?”

Shyly, you nodded, one hand over your mouth as you let out a quiet whimper, chest heaving with breath. Kaz’s hands were so broad, so warm… handled you with such a reverent sort of gentility and softness that you couldn’t help but bask in it, melt into it.

A steady purr rumbled through his chest as he kissed his way down your jaw and neck, fingers sliding into your pants and underwear to pull them off. Sliding his hands under you, he pulled your body up against him, lips sliding across yours.

Your hands braced you against his chest as you gasped, feeling his cock land heavily against your stomach. It throbbed against you, but he quickly distracted you as one hand slid into your hair, pulling your head back. He pressed a kiss to your lips, his mouth hot against your skin.

“So tiny and sweet,” Kaz mumbled against your neck, his voice half-drunk. His fingers slid across your thigh wrapped around his waist, and he lowered his hips, pushing you into the plush softness of the cloud. Your mind started to fuzz, entirely focused on the way his hands grasped at you, somehow greedy and gentle all at once, and the way he handled you with that deft confidence yet tender infatuation.

“Kaz,” the moan left your lips before you could quite help it, your entire body humming at every brush of his fingers.

His answering hum was low and amused as he started to gently slide into you, making you gasp and arch. His cock slid into you without resistance. You’d gotten so wet just thanks to his soft touches and gentle attention. He murmured your name against your lips as he slid wholly into you, seating himself inside with a heavy breath.

You whimpered, biting your lip as you tried to somehow ground yourself. Everything had started to go fuzzy, especially as his hands wrapped entirely around your hips and pulled you down onto his cock, his grasp iron as he ground up into you.

His pace, once he started thrusting, stayed steady and almost agonizingly slow. But when you whined, he chuckled and slid his fingers between your lips instead. You let his lithe fingers gently play with your tongue, while his other hand kept you anchored to him.

You could feel the coil inside you steadily growing, getting tighter, closer to the edge. Everything felt so hazy and light, like the solidity of his body was the only real thing, the only think that mattered. Like his hands were the only things that kept you grounded, held you down, safe from drifting away.

“K-Kaz.” Your teary eyelids opened to gaze up at his face.

“Does this please you, my darling?” Kaz murmured, sliding his fingers out of your mouth and down to press against your clit.

“I— I love you.” Your fingers curled against his chest.

His orange eyes widened, then flooded with that pure, infatuated adoration. “I love you, my sweet darling,” he purred, kissing you. “And I am so entirely yours.”

The coil in your stomach snapped, your orgasm washing over you with a force that left you lightheaded and dizzy. The pleasure suffused your entire body until you were gasping, tears streaking down your cheeks as you whimpered.

You finally floated down from your high to the feeling of Kaz’s hands sweeping over you. He murmured soft endearments into your ear, pressing soft kisses to your skin. He pulsed inside you, but still kept his pace slow and steady as he fucked you through the aftershocks.

Wrapping your hands around his neck, you nestled your head into the crook of his neck. His hands clenched around your hips, and he let out a groan as he rested his head beside yours. You could tell that he was so close, his hips starting to stutter.

“You feel so lovely, so warm and tight and soft, darling,” Kaz groaned. “Please, can I—“

“It’s okay, Kaz,” you reassured sweetly, voice shy. “You can.”

He jerked one more time, sinking into you with a low groan. His entire body shuddered as he came, pouring into you as he gripped your thighs hard enough to leave fingerprints. For once, you didn’t mind the bruises.

Pulling back, he caught your lips in a deep kiss, mouth slanting over yours. He poured the love, the gratitude, the adoration between your lips until you felt as though you could drown in it.

“I will always protect you,” he promised against your lips.

And for once, you believed the promise.

It was such a small thing, really.

[ptergwen]

love is more than a word

w/c: a very ouch 3.6k

warnings: so so so much angst and an unhealthy (ish) relationship

summary: after nearly four years together, peter has stopped trying

a/n: listen y’all i don’t know what came over me when i made this but i think it’s the saddest thing i’ve ever written? uh try to enjoy tho

-

you never thought this would happen, but you’re getting tired of peter. it isn’t your fault. that cliche it’s not you, it’s me line doesn’t apply here.

at first, you actually did find yourself believing the it’s me part. you’d came to the conclusion that you expect too much from peter. he goes to class, he works, patrols, sometimes parties, takes you out when he can. he’s got a lot going on for a full time college student, which is a busy life to lead on its own.

it’s why you don’t complain when he wants to spend the night in and order a pizza instead of cooking together like you’ve been wanting to try. it’s why every time your friends ask you two to hang, you have to reluctantly explain that peter is passed out at eight o’clock on a saturday.

there’s a lazy “wanna make out?” some nights, if peter isn’t yawning when he steps through the front door. even that has lost its enjoyment. kissing peter doesn’t give you the rush it used to, the taste of his strawberry chapstick not flooding your senses and intoxicating you. it’s become predictable. comfortable. boring.

peter is boring.

you’ve slipped into unspoken routine. say your hello’s, work on separate assignments in different rooms. peter eventually yells something like “babe, you hungry yet?” across the apartment, his passive way of asking you to make dinner. you usually order takeout because why make an effort if he doesn’t?

you might watch one of the ten movies peter has liked since before the start of your relationship. he’ll usually fall asleep during it. no surprise there. his overpacked schedule exhausts him, which you’ve talked to him about spreading himself too thin. peter is too nice and can’t say no, so this is where it leaves him.

the main reason you’ve stayed with him is that he can’t take care of himself. he’s clueless about paying the bills, sorting his laundry, simply remembering to drink water. peter wouldn’t be able to go a week without you. he even says it himself.

“crap, i totally forgot about these,” when you picked up his special ordered textbooks from your school library. “can food go in the garbage disposal?” a rare time you didn’t wash the dishes. “thank you, y/n/n. you’re literally a lifesaver,” whenever you do a task for him that someone in their 20s shouldn’t need assistance with.

you didn’t used to mind much. he watches over the city every night. you felt you should return the favor. spider-man could use some help, too. after the almost four years you’ve been together, peter has become completely dependent on you. it only got worse when you moved in together your junior year. you’re concerned how he’ll manage later in his adult life.

you’d think he’d be a little more passionate about your relationship considering how much he needs you. you know peter still loves you, of course he does. that’s not what the problem is. he’s become content with the mutual feeling, so he doesn’t try anymore. he expects the spark to keep itself lit.

no more random joke of the day texts that he used to send you. he stopped surprising you with your coffee order in the morning, the one that he memorized the first time you two went to a starbucks. what you initially found most endearing about peter was that he remembered every little thing you told him.

he put whatever energy he had into showing you that he listened. he’d do it all with rosy cheeks and that toothy smile of his. it seems now like he’s under the impression that being in a long term relationship means none of that matters anymore. there’s no need to impress you, keep you guessing, make you feel special.

tonight is your breaking point. as you go over all of this in your head while peter lays peacefully next to you, you can’t take it. you’ve been making so many excuses for him. you lie to yourself. you’re desperate to believe this is okay and normal and you can work this out, and you can love whatever version of him this is.

but, you can’t. you can’t do it. you need to tell him now because if you sleep on this, you’ll end up feeling bad and be stuck under these suffocating blankets forever.

“peter?” you whisper his name, your back turned to him in bed. you haven’t cuddled each other to sleep in a while. his arms don’t make you feel held now, they make you feel trapped. you’ve been forcing yourself to ignore his look of hurt when you reject his open embrace.

“peter?” you speak louder after a moment of silence, except for his occasional snores. a loud one escapes him before they stop altogether. his eyes stay shut as he mumbles out a, “uh... huh?” your heart is thudding through your entire body. you take a breath in from your nose. “i wanna break up.”

the breath you let out next is one of relief, those three words that have been scratching your throat for months finally out. peter slowly turns his head over his shoulder. he blinks rapidly at your motionless figure. you’re still not facing him.

“what?” is all he says. his voice is surprisingly steady, the confession not yet registering with his sleepy mind. his eyes are burning into you. “i wanna break up,” you repeat and squish your face further into your pillow. peter suddenly sits up, flicking on the lamp on his side. he tries to sling an arm around you. you move further away until you’re at the edge of the bed.

“i’m serious, peter. everything we had, it’s gone.” your words cut through him harder than literal knives he’s been stabbed with. “i- i don’t understand. where is this coming from?” he rakes a hand through his mess of curls. you turn onto your back, looking up at peter. his eyes are fixed on your lower half.

he’ll most definitely cry if he meets your eyes. he really doesn’t want to cry, not ever again when you won’t be here to make him feel better.

“it’s been coming,” you almost scoff at him as you prop yourself up against your pillows. peter’s teeth tug at his lower lip. “all we do is this.” you gesture to your bed, slapping your hand down at your side. “i get tired,” he speaks quietly, refusing to look at you. “i know you do, peter. i know, but you’d be a lot happier if you ever listened to me.”

your statement comes off as condescending to him. he works up the courage to look you in the face. “are you kidding? all you do is boss me around, and i take it. i’ve never once complained.” anger is coursing through his veins and voice. at the situation, that he’s about to lose the one stable part of his life. you’re getting pissed, too.

“that’s because you can’t do anything yourself!” you throw the blankets off you and swing your legs over the bed in one motion. peter hops out of bed entirely. “my whole life, i’ve been on my own half the time,” he spits as he comes over to stand in front of you. “sorry for taking you up on your offers to help.”

your peter would never spew that shit out. he wouldn’t guilt you for something he’s in the wrong about. this peter takes you for granted. he has no clue how fucked he’d be without you.

the first time you spoke to peter was on your way to history 227. you’d recognized him from your class, much more interested in the pretty boy taking notes with his tongue stuck out than whatever war your professor would lecture about.

he was carrying some books, a pencil case that didn’t fully zip, and a five subject notebook. you watched him do his balancing act through the halls until his legs started to wobble. a knowing smile on your face, you tapped his shoulder. it was a gentle one so you didn’t scare him and make all his things fall over.

“can i carry something for you?” you laughed out and pushed one of your backpack straps up on your shoulder. peter only stared at you, his doe eyes prompting you to reach for his pencil case. “uh, no, it’s fine. i got it. see?” he proved that to you by hiking everything up in his arms. he gave you a smile of his own.

“are you sure? we’re going to the same place,” you’d checked again and pointed at his impressive pile. “i’m not gonna steal your sharpies.” “really, i’m fine,” peter insisted with a heart clenching chuckle. “you can have one, if you want,” he offered and attempted to unzip his case, one handed. you put your hand over his to stop him.

“wait until we get to class,” you let go of him, leaving the tips of peter’s ears a shade of pink you’d later fall in love with. “i’ll sit with you.”

peter was once determined to do things on his own, to be self-sufficient. it used to be something he was proud of. now, he’s completely incapable of holding his independence.

“we’re done, peter.” your tone is short, you getting to your feet. “you’d probably forget how to fucking breathe without me, but call it bossing around, i guess,” you laugh bitterly and go over to your drawers. peter’s face falls as he grabs your wrist, stopping you when you pass by him. “where are you going?”

no answer. you pull yourself out of his grasp with your lips pressed into a stern line. peter follows you step by step over to the dresser. “wait, wait. don’t leave, baby. please,” he begs you, getting onto his knees beside you. you’re pulling random clothes out as quick as you can. a science t-shirt peter outgrew is in your hands.

peter used to give you all his old clothes. the signature smell of his cologne lingered no matter how many times you washed them. they kept you calm on nights he was out late patrolling or away on missions. peter would sport a smirk whenever you wore them out in public, pulling you closer to him and complimenting the look.

it started when he was packing for his first mission since you two had begun living together. he’d realized he became too buff to fit in some shirts. remembering how many times you’d giggle at their funny sayings, peter gave them to you. you threw one on and thanked him with a peck on the cheek. it became your tradition.

peter would set off for a new continent, but a piece of him would stay home with you.

the stretched out hoodies and ripped sweatpants just sit in your drawer now. another meaningful thing discontinued. whatever he doesn’t want goes to may for donations now. the memory of what they used to mean to you makes a fit of rage burst through you.

you slam down his ‘find x’ shirt in the space between his knees and yours. you’re on a mission of your own this time. you aren’t going anywhere until you get rid of all the stuff that went from him to you.

“y/n, don’t do this. i- i love you. i love you.” peter chokes out, tears filling his eyes. his vision is clouded while you toss more clothes to your side. “i love you, y/n/n,” he whimpers again, and this time you briskly push the drawer shut. the whole dresser shakes. this is the most emotion either of you have shown in the past few months of your relationship. it’s a little too late.

“love is more than a word, peter. you have to back it up with actions.” you’re doing your best not to cry. the memories of how loved peter made you feel play in your mind. he briefly wipes under his eyes and shakes his head. he’s so oblivious. “i thought i- i did.” “exactly, you did. you gave up at some point.” your voice gets weaker as a tear drips down your chin.

you didn’t plan on breaking down when you imagined this moment. part of you wishes you could give him another chance. most of you knows it wouldn’t do any good for you or peter. you’re not right for each other anymore. he outgrew some sweatshirts, you outgrew him.

that takes you all the way back to it’s not you, it’s me. it’s really both of you.

for the last time, you pull peter in for a hug. the two of you need this. he loops his arms around your back, keeping them loose around you as he tucks his face into the side of your neck. you’re a mix of tears and sharp breaths with your chin on his shoulder. you bring a hand up to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of curls.

he sobs right into your ear, effectively destroying whatever composure you had left.

even though you’re not in love with peter, you haven’t stopped loving him. somewhere inside of him is the goofy boy who asked you out on a post-it during class. the kindhearted man who gave so much of himself to the world and saved enough for you. the one whose fingertips left goosebumps on your skin with every touch.

seeing him like this, having caused it feels like a dull pain rippling in every part of your body. you’ve been there to soothe him during countless breakdowns over the years. you managed to stay strong for all of them. this is the only exception. he lost people, felt down about life, made mistakes. you were there to pick up each piece and put them back together.

the one mistake peter made that you can’t fix is not loving you right. you became his rock, his anchor whenever he let grief and sadness rule over him. you’d get him back to himself. he could’ve at least bought you flowers once in a while, or done anything that showed his gratitude. every iteration of awful put together isn’t enough to describe how he feels.

“i’m so- i’m so fucking sorry, baby. i don’t deserve you. i never have,” peter murmurs as he cries, wetting your skin that his face is still pressed into. your fingers pull roughly at his hair. hot tears overflow from your own eyes. “i should’ve done more.” his voice cracks on the last word. “that’s all i wanted to hear, pete,” you breathe out and pull away from him.

“does that mean you’ll stay?” he croaks, arms still wound around your body. his eyes are hopeful when they lock with yours. a frown pulls at your lips. “only for tonight. i should... one of us should sleep on the couch.” “oh,” his voice is gravelly, so he clears his throat. “i’ll do it.” you’re not going to fight him on it for once.

peter removes his arms from your waist, you sitting back down on your thighs. you give him a blink and you’ll miss it smile because you can’t keep one for long. it’s to let him know you’re not mad. you were at the start of this conversation, then he took accountability. you also came to terms with the fact that the downfall of your relationship was a joined effort.

there are more factors than peter not giving you what he should have. time, different goals, new outlooks on life. you can’t hate only him because a whole bunch of things lead to this.

instead of a smile, since he physically can’t put one on his splotchy face, peter brushes the pad of his thumb over the corner of your lips. he gets up to leave the room, but you stop him with a “wait!” he freezes in front of you. you get out a hoodie from his pile of old clothes and stand up. “it’s cold.” you put it in his hands, earning a grin that he didn’t think was possible.

“thanks, y/n,” peter sighs and holds the hoodie against his chest. “goodnight. um,” this is the part where he’d usually say i love you. “sleep well, okay?” the replacement stings for both of you. you’ll have to learn to fall asleep without hearing that phrase first. as much as you didn’t feel it anymore, you’d become used to it. “you too, peter. night,” you say softly.

you head back to your bed while peter walks out the door. he glances at you once, and you’re already settling under the covers. he shuts the door behind him before finding his way to the couch.

your bed has always seemed too small. it’s gigantic without peter. you aren’t sure how you feel about that yet.

peter lays across the couch, the hood that doesn’t quite fit him pulled over his head. he’s only wearing it because you gave it to him. you doing that not even five minutes ago was how you backed up your love with actions. it’s so easy. silent tears spill from his eyes at the realization.

he wishes on every star that he could’ve figured out he wasn’t doing enough sooner. you’d be together right now, had he just caught on. there was a time he prided himself on knowing you fully and completely. how to turn you into the shy one with certain combinations of words, what your schedule was each week so he could plan his free time around it.

your relationship became something he thought would last unconditionally. if only he was able pinpoint the exact moment he went wrong.

you’re right in the other room. he can go in there and bawl, plead for you to take him back. how could he do that and claim to love you, though? you’ve made it clear you‘re over him.

the best way for peter to show you he loves you is by letting you live your life, without him in it.

-

you don’t see peter again for weeks. he moved back in with may, and you got to keep the apartment. you were the one who took all the care of it, anyway.

your semester ended at the perfect time because peter isn’t in any of your new classes. the city is too big to bump into each other. you’re free from the hold he had on you, which would’ve been four years long since yesterday. you’ve been good at picking up his broken pieces for too long, and now it’s time to pick up your own.

for all the hangouts you missed on his behalf, you made up for it. you called mj the day after your breakup and met for lunch. she never explicitly said it, but she took your side. peter had a feeling because when he had the same idea as you, to lean on his friends for support, she never reached out.

betty is indifferent, ned stays cordial with you. his real loyalty is to peter. you can’t blame him.

peter hasn’t been doing well since you broke up. he’s not eating enough, he can’t focus on work of any kind. you were right when you said he would forget how to breathe without you. he often wonders how you’ve been.

he finds out today.

you’re walking around campus, heading in the direction peter just came from. he has a class in the building your last one was. the two of you are on the same sidewalk, opposite sides. he almost doesn’t recognize you.

mj is on one side of you, a guy he’s never seen before with an arm around your shoulders. you’re all laughing about whatever dumb thing your professor said during the lecture. your hair, which is done in a new style, flows behind you in the spring breeze. a smile takes place on your glossy lips. the smile is directed towards that guy. your new boyfriend, peter assumes.

you look amazing, and not only physically. you seem happy with your small group of people. peter hadn’t been able to give you that happiness in years, so it’s nice to see you got it back somehow.

he must have stared too long because you notice him. you fall behind mj and your potential boyfriend, both of them wrapped up in discussing your next project. peter stops walking. you do the same. he’s not sure if he upset you, or what’s going on. his instincts tell him to apologize. his mouth stays closed.

that infectious smile of yours appears once again. you thought about peter yesterday, it being your anniversary and all. you’d only let yourself remember the good things. they outweighed the bad ones when you look back on everything.

“aye, grandma! get over here!” mj calls to you, your boyfriend nudging her side. “take your time, y/n/n. i’m not in a rush to write seven long ass pages.” you laugh to yourself at the two of them. peter fiddles with the zipper on his jacket. it’s from the drawer of things you used to wear. “one sec!” you yell back.

“hey,” you turn to face peter, who’s giving you a tight lipped smile. “how’ve you been?” “i’m okay. just, you know,” he shrugs and clasps his hands behind his back. there’s a short silence before peter says, “you seem good. really good.” he smiles for real this time. “yeah, i am. i hope you are, too,” you tell him and genuinely mean it.

you’d like to catch up soon, but it’s not right yet. you both need more time. “i’ll see you around?” you’re already starting to walk, backwards so you can see peter. “uh, sure. bye,” he gives you a quick wave and continues on his way.

you get back to mj and your boyfriend, his arm returning to your shoulders. they waited for you by the stoplight. “what’d ya get up to over there?” he teases, mj suspiciously watching your face for any tells. you carefully think through your answer with a grin. “love.”

[studiojeon]

troubled outsiders | intro - jjk

| summary | -  how you two end up pining for each other.

warnings: none :) 

content: idol!jungkook x student!oc, friends to lovers (because it’s THE superior trope okurrrt), jungkook is quiet and shy but a social butterfly when needed (and when it comes to oc but you’re not supposed to know that yet), oc is both a badass and a socially akward queen, she has TWO friends and only because one is dating the other (like... same), the Lee Charyeong is her bestie, oc works at bighit and feels like everyone either fears her or hates her, author nim is a crackhead and has no plot planned for this series whatsoever (doesn’t know if she’ll keep this up, we’ll see).

words: 1.93 k

His presence was overwhelming, to say the least. Even if he were surrounded by six hundred other equally handsome men, somehow, to you (and the majority of the female population, at that point) he was as captivating and magnetic as they come. Jeon Jungkook didn't pay no mind to no one, but sure as hell everyone became hyper aware of his existence and essence in time. And that didn’t exclude you.

Yet, as nonchalant and indifferent as the man could be perceived, in reality he was more considerate and friendly than the aura he exuded. You knew this because working in the same company had to teach a thing or two about the people who literally carried said company and the whole industry at some point, still you barely knew four or three people, including your assistant and Jungkook, whom you had met once.

The opportunity of working at the company had come to you out of the blue, quite literally, you were attempting to send one of your assignments in when an email appeared in your notifications during your sailor moon study break. 

HYBE Entertainment

We’re glad to inform you that you’re being recruited for the position of Logistics Manager in one of our sub companies, BIGHIT Entertainment. We’ve thoroughly looked through the CV you’ve submitted and are very interested in your capabilities and what you can contribute to our organization. One of our other managers will gladly meet you on a day you can both agree on. Make sure to answer this email to get more details about your interview.

“Nani!? THE FUCK?” sure as hell that your eyes and cognitive functions were deceiving you (ADHD) you went over the text a little over three times in a row before the message settled in your mind. This was sus. 

Before even considering a reply you made a quick call. “Fucking Lee Chaeryeong” you spat on your end of the line. “You did this, didn’t you?”.

Her silence was more than enough to have you cursing her under your breath. “I don’t know what exactly you’re talking about but it most likely was me. Does it have to do with a sex toy in particular?”

“No” you denied almost monotonously, guessing the pile of boxes in the corner of your room with her names on them was what she referred to. “Does anything come to mind if i mention BIGHIT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT?”

It was her. All those conversations during the summer about how badly you wanted to work in the entertainment business as marketing staff of some sort had their effect on your friend, who, despite all your excuses and denials, knew you better than you and your mom combined did, and because of this, was sure as hell you were not making a move towards that goal whatsoever. So, being the boss bitch she was, she took matters into her own hands, was what she explained.

You concluded that was the reason you had reached a point in your life where you had more experience than most recently graduated kids in your field, because Chaeryeong had you moving every summer break. You had been the manager of a coffee franchise and convenience store during you junior and senior years, and also figured a way to improve the marketing management strategy of a fucking restaurant while at it. Not to toot your own horn, but you were kind of cool.

Or not. “I hope this job satisfies your workaholic ass for once, I’m running out of ideas”. Chaeryeong spat before hanging up.

Sure as hell it would. 

On friday afternoon, you made your way to the HYBE INSIGHT building and introduced yourself to your recruiters who promised to give you a call at some point. “It went fine” you told Chaeryeong once you were in your car. And it was the truth, however you weren’t so sure if they would actually hire you at some point since well, you were a girl in a male dominated industry and, in your opinion, there were always better people than you. “Wanna go grab coffee?”

“I want to. But, I have practice today. I’m actually on my way there. Please avoid driving through Hongdae today, this shit’s packed.” You sighed and thanked her for the heads up. You missed your friend, badly. You hadn’t seen each other in three weeks, and you didn’t even live so far away from each other (you did, but it had been worse before). You two had very agitated lives to say the least. Chaeryeong was a kpop group member, and well, you were jumping from job to job and getting your phD in Business Management at the same time. It was hard to find moments to spare together during some periods of the year, but you guess the anticipation made your encounters better.

“Talk about anticipation” you slammed your forehead against your desk, taking a breather after such an anxiety packed situation. Short story: you got the job (for some fucking reason). And you had gone through a whole week of expectancy and anguish. Not getting that job would have broken your heart, and ego at the same time. 

You guessed the law of attraction tactics Chaeryeong had taught you had sorted their effect and were what led you to your current position in life.

“Miss _____, your presentation’s ready” your work assistant gave you a comforting pat in the back as she took a seat somewhere next to you. You were nervous, shitless. It was your fifth week at the job, and being the proactive woman you were, you had collected lots of data in order to come up with a resources management plan.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and more than a hundred people sat in front of you, waiting for your speech. Including him, who you’d once bumped into accidentally during one of your data recollections runs inside the building. 

You hated having the need to impress others yet, hence your anxious behaviour. But this was a decisive moment in regards to your validation in your new job and how you’d continue to be perceived during your work stance (no reason to panic at all)… you needed to get it together.

“I think I just pissed off a bunch of old men right now,” you told your assistant right after you got off stage. “I need a bathroom break”. Linh gave you a reassuring smile, one she always had plastered on her face.

“Take as long as you need to. I’ll give you a call once the rest are done”.

The commute to the bathroom was unnecessarily complicated in your opinion. You had spent a little over a month rushing through the hallways of the building and you swore every single day your spatial orientation got a bit more fucked up. There was no way there wasn’t a single bathroom on the floor you were in, that would just be atrocious. “It’s not completed yet” someone said beside you as you stared at the half empty map the company had projected on a wall next to the elevators. “Where do you need to go?” 

Kim Taehyung of all people in the world was talking to your ugly and unworthy ass. Your breath caught in your throat and after staring for at least five seconds your body finally reacted to your orders. “Oh, um… the bathroom. I’ve been looking for it for a good ten minutes” you explained with a nervous laugh.

“Trust me, I get it. I still get lost over here” he smiled gently. “It’s in the hallway in the middle of the next hallway” 

You laughed at his very ambiguous explanation. “Thank you” you bowed your head and made your way to said destination.

It was in the hallway to your left, not your right, and it took you a while to figure out that new piece of information. Once you were staring at yourself in the mirror, you realized that you looked considerably tired and exhausted from all the social interaction you had undergone throughout the day. You were used to the side stares and whispering you’d get whenever you entered a room at that point, but some days you just wished you could get a break from them. After all, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t look Korean at all, and that you also didn’t fit the stereotype of a foreigner.

You got that from your mom, both the non Korean features and social fatigue. But that wasn’t even the problem most of the time, it was your friendly and smart nature which she had also passed onto you. Some would consider it a blessing, but to you it was a burden, like a clear glass that shielded you from introducing yourself into other people’s realities. You had few friends and people to trust, but in your everyday life you had to deal with the pressure of standing out too much and that came with a lot of negative energy from others. You sigh as you spray your favorite fragrance on yourself. You could be feeling like shit, but no one will ever catch you slipping.

But that excluded him apparently. You hadn’t noticed that on the other side of the hallway was the men’s bathroom and the realization hit you as you were calmly getting some tea from the vending machine. “Good afternoon” the man greeted you as he made his way out the hallway, but stopped in his tracks right after he noticed you. “_____! Hi” he smiled at you and you wanted to die, suddenly forgetting what you were ordering in the first place.

“H-hi Jungkook” You smiled back, poorly attempting to put your wallet back into your backpack. 

“Need help there?” he noticed your agitated state and held your bag for you. He smelled just as heavenly as you had expected, somewhat between big dick energy and flowers. Oh, and he also remained as kind and polite as you remembered him.

Seeming as if he wasn’t planning on continuing his path to wherever he was heading to in the first place, he stood quietly by your side, waiting for you to be done with your deal. “How have you been?” you break the ice for him.

Quickly, you grab your tea and start walking back to the auditorium together, unaware of your surroundings or the suspicions that could arise. “Busy, but very good. How have you been? I saw your presentation earlier… I wish I understood half of what you said but you still sounded amazing”.

And you would never admit it out loud, but you were positive you were blushing (and falling in love too - platonically, of course). “Oh god, you think so? I basically told them they’ve been doing things wrong all along so maybe you’re the only one who’s appreciative of my work” you handed him the second can of iced tea you bought without him noticing. You swear his eyes lit up like stars in the night sky. “Payback for the other day” you smile at him.

The first time you two had crossed paths you didn’t look nearly as glamorous as you did now. In fact, you looked incredibly disturbed and in pain, carrying a huge pile of paperwork in your hands. But as soon as sweet Jungkook noticed your state, he offered you a hand and somehow ended up helping through your multiple data collecting trips that afternoon. It was a nice day.

“Anytime” he took the can in his hands with a shy look on his face. “Unless I’m practicing, you know…” you look down at his feet, with huge black boots engulfing them, and you smile due to their contrast with his personality. “Here, i’ll give you my number so you can call me whenever you need to put all those papers back. Hopefully I’ll be around” he added as he pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Way to get a girl’s number, my god.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.