#there's a lot of stuff i want to explore with her
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my thoughts on the rudy/madison discourse and obx 4 generally (spoilers):
I watch obx 4 for the characters. I appreciate the actors, find their behind the scenes moments entertaining at times, and indulge in the occasional interview or Instagram post, but I do not 'follow' the actors. My fanfics are about JJ Maybank as a character, not Rudy Pankow. I appreciate Rudy Pankow's attraction, especially when playing JJ's character, but writing fanfic about Rudy himself (or any other actor) is, for me, uncomfortable. That isn't to shame anybody who does write or read such content, it just makes me personally feel uncomfortable.
All this to say: I don't care about the drama. I don't care about why Rudy left the show, whether this was his decision or the writer's. I think Rudy's girlfriend seems lovely, but I am highly aware neither myself nor anybody else knows her. Rudy is a grown man. He's in his twenties. He can decide who he does and does not want to date, and who he does and does not want to spend his time with, both on and off set. An Instagram post Rudy made on his story on Canadian Thanksgiving I think summed it up perfectly: he loves his girlfriend, and if people can't get behind that, then get out.
Furthermore, Madison and Rudy do not owe anybody anything. I don't find interest or want to engage in the toxic debate of the 'he said, she said'. They're all adults, they all have their own lives, this is all between them. The speculation and pressure from fans is cruel and uncalled for. They don't owe anybody insight into their private lives. Maybe they aren't friends anymore - that's okay! People drift apart, people fall out. Yes, it's sad to see the change from season 1 in terms of dynamics, but a lot can happen behind the scenes. That's life! Also, I don't like the comparison between Rudy and Madison, and Madison and Chase. People saying 'but the actual ex-couple can work together fine' are forgetting that every situation is different! I had an ex-boyfriend at an old job; I was pissed at him for a few months but civil at work, and then I got over it and he apologised and we became actual friends about a year after the break-up. However, I have other ex-friends and ex-lovers who I could not ever tolerate or be near, and I can't imagine what it would have been like having to work with them after a falling out. If this is the case for Rudy and Madison, that's a really tough thing to navigate! Give them grace - yes they're actors, but they're humans too! The bottom line is: it's their life, leave them alone.
Following on from that, stop placing blame! We don't know why Rudy left the show. There's all different opinions and sources about who said what, who did what, who is the 'bad guy'. Nobody knows the truth but the three involved and, as I said before, they owe this to nobody to disclose.
I think Rudy leaving the show, whilst sad, is a fair decision. OBX began filming in 2019. You do a lot of growing from there and, especially with changes in writing, you can want a change. I think actors can sometimes be too tethered to their characters and it limits their future work abilities, because nobody can picture them as anything other than that character. You can still have successful careers because of this (think Camila Mendes and Riverdale; Matt Le Blanc and Friends; Ellen Pompeo and Meredith Grey), but Rudy clearly wants to explore other areas and other characters, like theatre and Indie movies. Good for him! We should support him! I don't love this 'I'm sorry we couldn't save you from your actor, JJ' stuff, because Rudy gave his heart and soul to that character and that performance. He doesn't deserve to be punished because he craves a change. It's the same as any other job/career; we all want a change sometimes.
The writers and show creators have been getting a lot of backlash too. Here's my thoughts on season 4: was it their best season? No. Did it do some of the other seasons and previous plotlines/character development justice? No. Did JJ have to die? Not necessarily. However, it is easy to lose sight of the small picture when you have increased demand and increased budgets. Netflix like 'bigger and better'. When people are given more creative freedom, sometimes things can veer off course. We can forget the original character motivations, dreams and desires by getting caught up in the spectacle. The only show I've ever seen that really keeps the characters true and consistent, whilst developing, and never forgetting a plot point, is Bojack Horseman. To me, that is the only show. It's a shame, yes, that it veered so far from season 1's aesthetic, but that's how it is.
As a fellow creator, I feel it's cruel sending so much blatant hate to the writers and creators for making the show. If Rudy did want to leave, they had to find a way to make this work for JJ. Yes, I've seen some say 'he didn't have to die' but I sort of disagree. JJ is too loyal and attached to his friends to just 'go off' on his own to somewhere else. That would also be out of character. I think the way he died, and the build-up and plot points that didn't get resolved prior to his death, is a little annoying. I don't like how it wasn't in Kildare, in his home, and in a different country. But hey - that's just me.
I know, that if I took so much time and energy and money, working and building something that I am proud of just, just to receive so much black-and-white hate, I'd be crushed. Constructive criticisms and opinions are good - we can be upset about a character dying - but saying 'fuck you' and 'we hate you' is a bit mean, in my opinion. The time and energy and work gone into this season is astounding. The travelling and set design is incredible! I mean, the shop is the most awesome thing I've ever seen!
I also respect that they killed JJ. I'm not saying I wanted him to die. I'm saying, it pisses me off when shows give plot-armour to the main characters. It lowers the stakes. You know they're going to be fine because they're always fine (think the majority of Stranger Things - there's a really good video essay about that here btw that articulates this point a bit better). JJ's death was shocking and upsetting, that's how a death (in a show, at least) should be, but it means hey, there are real stakes here. It's not fair he died! He didn't deserve to die! But he did, oh my God. It takes guts to kill of a beloved, main character. I agree, JJ was my favourite part of the show, but I respect the choice, personally.
I liked season 4. It wasn't as good as season 1, I wish they stayed more grounded and didn't start so many plot points without resolving any/all of them, but I liked it. It was entertaining. The acting was pretty decent, though the chemistry and acting when Rudy and Madison had scenes together was a little disappointing (again, I don't want to point blame at a certain individual; it's hard to have good on-screen chemistry, especially when you don't feel like it matches your character's true motivations).
Was it unrealistic at times? Yes, but OBX usually is haha. It's a show about finding EL DORADO at this point, like I can accept that they let Sarah and JJ get swept into the sea during a storm and come out fine, without a single earring out of place. Sure, whatever, I'll take it (so unrealistic, 90% would drown and you'd at least shed your clothes to help you swim and stay afloat but WHATEVER. Also put your life jackets on guys wtf it's a STORM).
I wish there was more development on the plots, done by having less plots at once, and more conclusions for JJ before his death. I felt as though we were building up to a big blow-out/resolution with Pogues which never really came. Also, don't love how they handled JJ and his biological dad. I don't think he'd be that willing to trust a random man who abandoned him so easy. Yes, he's reluctant, but COME ON. JJ has the biggest trust issues. I just don't buy it. Also, explain, please, how Luke went from being so wonderful and gentle with JJ to full on abusive? Just a bit of explanation would be nice, please. Not a huge fan of the pregnancy plotline but hey, sure, whatever.
So, yes, that's my thoughts on everything: leave the actors alone; the writers have balls for killing JJ but that isn't necessarily a bad thing; give people grace; treat people with kindness; I'm going to keep writing for JJ; and season 4 altogether gets a 6/10 from me.
I'm open to different opinions, further thoughts, or just general musings/ideas. I hope this doesn't upset or offend anyone, I'm not trying to spark drama or shame a certain person or people: these are just my thoughts and views! So, I won't be participating in any 'who's the bad guy' discourse surrounding the actors. I'm just here for JJ and the Pogues. Take care of yourselves and spread positivity in this crazy, difficult time <3 and, of course, rest in peace, JJ Maybank <3
P.S. These are my season-by-season ratings: season 1 - 10/10; season 2 - 8/10; season 3 - 6/10; season 4 - 6/10.
#thoughts#opinion piece#opinions#jj x reader#jj maybank x reader#obx#outerbanks#outer banks#outerbanks 4#outer banks 4#obx 4#jj maybank#jj#pogues#the pogues#jiara#rudy pankow#madison bailey#jj x kiara#jj maybank x kiara#kiara#kiara carrera#john b#john b x sarah#john b routledge#sarah#sarah cameron#no hate!
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Another addition to my Krew early childhood headcanons, featuring Gricko Grimgrin himself!! Ecstatic to introduce you all to Gertrude Grimgrin and, of course, the infamous Uncle Glorbo :)
As per my usual disclaimer, I'm still only half way through canon and I'm sure there's a lot of canon backstory stuff that I'm missing. Also, I don't know ANYTHING about goblins, in Avantris or in DND in general, so uh. Please keep that in mind <3
I envision that Gricko grew up in a pretty secluded goblin camp nestled deep in the swamp. I think that it was a pretty closed society, but the people definitely had a "it takes a village" mentality; goblins, especially in this particular village, are quite good and banding together and helping each other in times of need.
Gricko was raised almost exclusively by his mother for the beginning of his life after his father walked out on them when Gricko was still young. It really took a toll on his mother, and even though she loved him a lot, it took her some time to separate her son from his father. Changing their names back to her maiden name, Grimgrin, definitely helped.
Glorbo entered the picture when Gricko was around 5-6, deciding to come home from traveling abroad after catching wind of Gertrude's situation. He's actually Gricko Sr.'s older brother, rather than Gertrude's, but he felt compelled to step up to help his nephew and sister-in-law where his brother wouldn't.
Gertrude, personality-wise, was always a "tough love" kind of woman, partially due to her own upbringing and partially due to the heartbreak she'd suffered. She had pretty strong opinions about how she wanted to raise her son, hoping that she would be able to give him a great life regardless of their struggles. She's constantly stressed and worried, wondering how to provide for her family and how the future will shape out for them.
Glorbo, on the other hand, is a carefree spirit. He's a lot like the Gricko we know in canon, eccentric and excitable. He's a sort of foil to Gertrude, valuing freedom and self expression, not worrying about the future under the belief that the future would sort itself out. He focused on the present, making sure the people around him were happy in the 'now'. He encouraged Gricko (and Gertrude) to let loose and explore the world around them instead of worrying so much about what's to come.
Naturally, Gertrude and Glorbo butted heads frequently, especially as Gricko got older and took on more and more of Glorbo's traits; in fact, the only thing they could ever really agree on was wanting the best for Gricko, no matter what exactly that entailed.
#feel like this ended up being longer than id planned lol#long post#also sorry i am NOT immune to goblin tail propaganda </3#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#ouaw fanart#gricko grimgrin#legends of avantris fanart#headcanon#headcanons#oc#ocs#original character#original characters#snek sketches#digital art#digital artist#small artist#artists on tumblr#dnd#dungeons and dragons#goblin#goblin oc
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What are some dynamics (in terms of like, foils/parallels) that you enjoy in DRDT?
you’re staring at a forest and asking me for every tree i like. do you want me to write another 28k word post /lh
I jest, of course, but not about the number of interesting foils in this series. It does a fantastic job tying everyone into several key themes in ways that make their dynamics endlessly enriching for my silly little character parallel-loving brain. So, uh, get ready for a long-ish post?
CW: One mention of self-harm, self-loathing
Teruko-David: I mean, you gotta start at the center, yeah? David’s the closest thing to a “main antag” we have, and it’s no wonder; the guy’s built like a standard DR protag, obviously he’s gonna have a cool dynamic with the actual protagonist.
These two could breathe a bit weird and somehow parallel each other doing it, that’s how much this foil permeates both their characters. From their fatalistic outlooks on the world (“my luck will always be terrible, I’ll always be betrayed” vs “people can’t change, the world sucks”), the ways they hide their feelings (Teruko was more distrustful than she first presented herself as, but cares about people more than she shows during most of CH2; while David has an entire different persona up to 2-11 and then pretends to be worse than he actually is), the self-loathing (Teruko refuses to think she could be a good person, David has the whole “inhuman” thing going on), down to the oddball sibling figure (Terubro “I know nothing about you” Tawaki vs Diana “I’m not even sure you exist” Chiem).
There’s their feelings about Xander and Min, too, which are all over the place. Obviously we all saw in 2-12 how much the British twink fucked both of them up severely, with Teruko rejecting any positive or yearning feelings she may have had about Xander (you can’t hide the cactus scene from us girl) while David vehemently defended him from any criticism. On the other side, Min is less of a narrative poltergeist (for now; XF-Ture exists), but she still comes up with them, with David calling her pathetic eleven episodes after Min hugs Teruko and Teruko’s internal monologue gives away how much she cares about the Student.
And these parallels play into their weird-ass dynamic very well, because their beefing is founded on their similarities and their differences, out of projecting their self-loathing to someone similar at the same time they hate each other because of their disagreements on things like Xander. Crazy stuff.
Xander-Min: Mentioning these two second because they’re also Eternal Parallels. There’s almost not a single thing about these two that isn’t somehow reflected on the other. If you projected them onto each other’s direction, you would get no perpendicular component. Get it, ‘cuz they’re completely parallel- That is, by far, the nerdiest joke I’ve ever made, I apologize.
But come on. Their attitudes towards fate (the Rebel fighting it and Min resigning herself to the XF-Ture thing), the whole “holding on to the past vs wanting to move on from the past” thing, the similarities between how they actually feel about the education system (they have issues with it) contrasted with the things they actually do in respects to that (Min is still the Ultimate Student, but Xander dislikes that), their already mentioned contrasting connections to Teruko and David… Just, absolutely everything about them is a meaningful contrast. And it comes into play a lot, with their eternal beef being born largely out of these parallels. They’re awesome.
Teruko-Ace: Pretty topical for post-CH2. Ace’s entire arc is sort of a reflection of Teruko’s, yet taken to the extreme because of one particular point of contrast; Ace feared death, Teruko doesn’t think she can die. But he still basically serves as a demonstration of all the flaws in Teruko’s all mindset; the feeling of unchangeable fate, the complete lack of trust, all the good stuff. It basically allows an exploration of Teruko’s mindset from an outside perspective, which makes it easier to see the flaws in it.
Ace-Nico: Also topical, these recap foils go kinda insane. Their motives for murder, their contrasting talents (love for animals on Nico's side and fear of horses on Ace's), the way they relate to the rest of the cast, Ace's persecution complex vs Nico actively disliking how much Hu defends them, etc., it’s all very fun to see play out.
Ace-Levi: The one who doesn’t care but protects others and tries his best to be a good person so he can be accepted in society without having issues, vs the guy that acts like an asshole because he’s scared of caring too much and he thinks the only way he can get out alive is by being the only one to survive. This leads to a fundamental misunderstanding between them that causes some of the most doomed yaoi of all time, which is the whole “Levi getting frustrated at not understanding Ace.”
Arei-David: You’ve presumably watched 2-13, so I don’t think I need to explain all the awesome stuff that’s come from their shared themes of “good people” and self-betterment and all that. Not to mention, David’s little breakdown over Arei trusting the letter of the only friend she had being presumably born from the way he saw Xander as the only friend he had. Shit goes crazy.
Arei-Eden: Recap foils… Good people… The choice to be kind… Etc… Woah :O
Teruko-Charles: Ah, Teru’s recap foil. This one’s basically opposite of Ace’s, where Charles used to be sort of like Teruko acted in CH2, but later became a bit friendlier, if still somewhat prickly. Basically, if Ace highlights Teruko’s character traits from CH2, Charles post CH1 serves as more or less the “end goal” in a way. It goes beyond that, too, with the whole memory issues (prosopagnosia vs childhood amnesia) and, again, mysterious siblings (Terubro and Elliot what are your deals), so it’s always neat to rotate these two in the brain.
Veronika-Levi: We really don’t know too much about Vero, which always makes it a bit harder when analyzing these dynamics, but they already got some interesting points of contrast. Neither of them are particularly concerned about the deaths of the others, at least post-CH2 (Levi doesn’t grieve and Vero actively laughs at Ace’s death), but it comes from almost opposite ends of perspective. Levi doesn’t understand others because he doesn’t feel much empathy (if any at all), while Vero seems to treat the others not as people, but almost as characters to be analyzed (that’s the impression I get, at least), which makes her come off as very good at reading people but also occasionally causes her to see them as sources of entertainment first and foremost. Not to mention there’s also the fact they’re both very different people than they were in the past (Levi was some form of delinquent and now is a good person, Vero used to be outdoorsy and then no longer was). Wow that’s… more than I thought there was- How am I finding more interesting foils just by writing more???
Hu-Levi: I kinda talked about this in my CH2 PT2 analysis so read that ig.
J-Rose: A pair of recap foils who haven’t had too much yet, but a lot of their themes, in particular about fate and privilege and stuff, are pretty noticeable with them, so this is always a fun dynamic to consider.
Levi-Arturo: More recap foils, this one’s fun because of the dead family member :) Also things like their talents being related to aesthetics and both doing the things they do for a better life.
Veronika-Hu: This one’s kinda more hypothetical, since Vero in particular hasn’t had as much direct focus as other characters yet, but that’s part of what makes them fun. Past history of self-harm (even if brought on by very different feelings) is just the first of many parallels they could have, and it’s fun to see the contrast between Hu defending Nico to the ends of the Earth and Vero talking about how much she likes Arturo because of how awful he is. They’re really silly.
David-Whit: All the recap foils are fun, but I've always struggled to see this one in particular. Partly because I feel like I know less about Whit than I know about Mai :v Still, certain things like Whit ignoring anything that upsets him which connects to David constantly lying about his real feelings for his fans, which is probably what leads to David's outburst at Whit in the second trial.
Teruko-MonoTV: Because fate. Really this is here plainly because it’s just a funny as hell dynamic to even consider lol.
Teruko-Mai: Have they interacted? Has Mai had enough screen time to truly determine that this parallel truly exists? Do we even know a single theme that Mai’s character touches on for certain? No and it doesn’t matter! Because these two are clearly connected somehow and the whole “someone dearly loved - someone dearly unloved” thing makes me ill. Mai is getting mentioned in this post and you're not stopping it.
Mai-Whit: Fuck it! “We tend to idolize the dead” dynamic!!! It's very speculative, but this one’s just fun to ponder even if we have even less idea of what could be going on between the two than with Mai-Teruko.
Anyways ready for a few themes that run through a lot of characters?
David-Levi-Nico-Rose: The “feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity’s experiences” gang!!!
Min-Rose-Hu-Veronika-Arturo: The “wants to move on from the past” gang!!!
Min-Arei-Teruko-Ace: The “trying to fix mistakes” gang!!!
Teruko-David-Eden-Arei-Levi-Xander: The “what makes a good person?” gang!!!
Teruko-David-Xander-Min-J-Whit-Ace-Rose-MonoTV-Probably everyone else: Fate!!!!
And there’s more than I’m probably forgetting because I can’t possibly check every conceivable connection between these guys. At least I hope I covered most of the major ones. Thanks for the ask, these dynamics are always fun to think about!
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#ask#david chiem#teruko tawaki#ace markey#levi fontana#min jeung#arturo giles#veronika grebenshchikova#j rosales#nico hakobyan#charles cuevas#drdt analysis#arei nageishi#rose lacroix#hu jing#xander matthews
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!!! I dont have a ton planned out juuust yet but it has a lot of journalism evil space ceos and pollution. sooo much pollution. i havent decided if i want them on a different planet or like. floating in space. but probably the former bc i love it and. space suits. also with steampunk comes child labor. classism. factory disasters. their ship is built to prioritize infrastructure over. workers' lives.
honestly almost all my inspiration comes from. industrial era and muckrakers, late 1800s AUGH i love it.
as for what the ship looks like... a lot of ppl go for blimps but blimps werent invented until the late 1900's. so itd make more sense to go for the wright brothers' plane. but thats not super space-y
but i could also take inspo from early early space craft. sputnic, bumper-WAC, Apollo 11, you get it. but more gears and levers.
or 1800's submarines would work.
tell me this shit aint steampunk as hell. nautilus byyyy rober fulton. well a recreation but still. built in the 1800's. but the FIRST submarine was made in 1620 which is neat
so the story mainly surrounds journalism and abuse of workers and whatnot. because i think factory disasters and muckrakers really build up that steampunk vibe well.
main character is a new-ish journalist who keeps her head down mostly but yknow. she's got freedom of speech guys. terrible regulations, horrible factory stuff. made to possibly study things in space id think. a FEW sci-fi references. because it IS technically sci-fi.
also her last name is riis for no reason in particular.
and while the punk aesthetic might not fit in the vibe im going for, the themes are. put the punk in steampunk guys please. one of the earliest places it was in was new york. guys guess what new york is built off of. INDUSTRIALIZATION!!! its very important i dont think its explored enough. ppl dont explore enough of the horrible government parts of steampunk.
i do love the big corporations yknow. killing people. for their own gain. i love the trusts and monopolies. augh.
anyways guys i lost the plot here remember that steampunk may be a cool aesthetic but there's also deeper themes you can explore with it and i think we should!!
if u think abt it steampunk astronauts would just look like rlly old diving suits
do you see my vision
#blinks at you so sweetly hiiiii heyyy#steampunk. in space!!#evil space ceos are NOT used enough im SICK#when u throw ppl into space (especially against their will) thats weird!!! can we have more fun with it!!!#rich people going into space for fun as if ppl havent died trying. its crazy!!!!#so imagine you have this society up in space. some of them are children here to do jobs they dont want adults to have to do#and some of them are just here for the hell of it. for the “experience” AUGH#you can tell what else inspired this. hi spaceX#space tourism. SPACE TOURISM???#yall are INSANE#you wouldnt catch me dead in space FOR FUN#did a zero gravity simulator once. DO NOT RECCOMEND#I WAS SHAKING AFTER IT WAS AWFUL#tzu rambles#<- a LOT#steampunk space story
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Concept for an oc based off of my cannibal legion run I did recently :333 she doesn't have a proper name yet but she does have a backstory lmao. This is only one of her outfits, I plan to draw all the rest at a later time.
if anyone has any name suggestions pls lmk cause i am SO stumped lmao
(background story below the cut) (story WILL be subject to change whenever and the timeline might not be fully accurate)
One of very few (if not the only) women allowed to serve in the Legion's military. A devout follower of the Legion and a brutal soldier who utilizes cannibalism as a means of intimidation during battle.
Born in 2245, she lived a relatively normal life until she was 7 years old, when her town was raided by the Legion in 2252. Being afraid and separated from her family, she became incredibly vulnerable and susceptible to indoctrination by the Priestesses who had taken her in.
She quickly fell for the Legion's propaganda and showed a particular interest in combat, especially after learning about the Roman goddess of war: Bellona, who was her biggest role model.
Much to the dismay of everyone around her, she would frequently get into physical altercations out of a desire to battle. She held a deep admiration for the legion soldiers and looked up to well known figures such as the Malpais Legate for their overwhelming brutality and "heroism".
In 2259, growing frustrated with being unable to battle due to being a girl, she would steal a legionary recruit uniform and sneak into a Legion training camp at 14, engaging in her first proper fights. She was able to participate for almost a week before her identity was discovered and she was promptly sent to Caesar to be dealt with personally.
While most wanted her crucified, Caesar saw potential in her brutality, unwavering determination and devotion to the Legion, allowing her to resume training. She viewed it as an incredible honour, a gift she was undeserving of due to her actions, pushing her deeper into the Legion's propaganda.
From this point on, she would go on to serve in the Legion's military for years to come, managing to be promoted to the rank of Decanus in 2267
In 2270, She would be promoted to the role of Frumentarii, specializing mostly on spreading terror across the Mojave. This same year she would begin to engage in cannibalism as a means of intimidation, both for her enemies and the soldiers under her command.
Despite only partaking in the act on the battlefield, there has been a small uptick in disobedient Legionaries disappearing without so much as a trace.
#rri:art#fallout new vegas#fnv#legion oc#caesars legion#fallout oc#evil evil lady#the courier never really joins the legion and acts moreso as a mercenary for the Legion rather than an actual member#so i started pondering my orb and wondering how a woman could potentially become a soldier in the legion#there's a lot of stuff i want to explore with her#but for now this is all i got#anyways i love her!!!#will be drawing her armor later
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a bit of my postcanon vision
i heart people arguing
#hfjone#bryce hansen#amelia euler#my art#i have beef with post-canon one stuff that just insta-fixes everything without really hashing out how some of these people could#get horrifically angry at each other... not that i think their relationships can or should be ruined forever i would just like to explore#how badly the boys treated amelia IF YOU THINK ABOUUUTT ITTTTTT#sure stone was the one to intentionally exclude her from the team but bryce+liam dont really do much to actually bring her in the loop#even when liam had months and months to tell her. he simply didnt tell her at any point what stone said about the votes being fake#and i dont knowwww i want to see amelia's tendency to lose herself in really maladaptive acceptance butt up against bryce and his like...#eagerness to leave everything behind. You understand me. you get it. anyway i have a few thousand words kicking around that will probably#never be finished or published but trust me I THINK ABOUT IT. A LOT
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Fun fact: In the original pitch for Stranger Things, El had a little brother.
After being rejected by almost 20 studios for the Montauk pilot, the Duffers were finally green-lit by Netflix. It was at this time that they began casting and then writing the first season officially, which included reworking a lot of that first episode.
This led to the removal of the brother reference, and with it, removing any sort of arc El could have had about her apparent brother.
But the thing about this moment, is that it might not have been scrapped entirely...
Going into the final season, no one can explain why or how El recognized Will back in 1x02. And while there are plenty of things on the show that are left unexplained, with a small portion likely left that way with the intention to uncover it later, what sets this moment apart from the rest is that there are very few possibilities here.
Because for starters, the story presents El's ability to see people in the void in s1 as requiring either a picture of that person for reference, or having met that person before.
But when El see's this picture of Will, she's never met him before. Or maybe she has, but we wouldn't know because they never showed us. They could have just not done this scene at all, given that it's clearly a copy/paste/edit of something scrapped from the pitch. Or they could have even still included it, but explained it.
One explanation could be that the lab had shown El a picture of Will before, similar to what they did with the Russian agent they wanted to spy on. But then that begs to question, why would the lab show El a picture of Will? Why would they want to see what he was doing? That alone is incriminating in and of itself, implying that Will is more connected to the lab than we realize.
The only other, and frankly most likely explanation, would be that El stumbled across Will at some point on her journey between escaping the lab and Will going missing. This is actually something that happens in The Other Side comic, which explores all the things Will may have experienced during his time in the Upside Down.
Though it’s worth noting the comics aren’t technically canon, and I highly doubt they would outright spoil everything in relation to Will’s time there, years before it was intended to be revealed. But still, let's humor this for a moment given that I do think Will's time in the UD is going to be very relevant in s5, which means it's highly likely they will finally address how exactly El saw him.
Basically, in the comic, Will see’s El walking through the woods, almost apparition like, glowing as she passes by, while also sporting the Benny’s burgers shirt. This means they would have crossed passed within a short span of time, between when El escaped Benny’s when the agents arrived, but before she was found by the boys.
Though it’s worth noting that we’re seeing this all from Will’s perspective. This means from the UD, Will was capable of seeing El on the other side, despite them being on different sides. And not only that, but she also looks back at him.
What confuses me about this, is that it doesn’t make sense for El to be in the woods, only to randomly decide to pop in to the void for a moment. She was trying to escape the lab and everything that came with it. I doubt she had any desire to lurk back there for some reason, not until someone encouraged her to. Not to mention, it would make no sense for her to go there and see Will if she wasn't even looking for him in the first place. And so this would mean Will and El could see each other, with Will being in the UD, and El being on the other side.
While it does seem pretty far off, given that you would think Will and El wouldn't be able to see each other from different sides, it is true in the story that El not only recognizes Will, but knows that he is in danger. She mentions that he is hiding specifically.
Which means she has likely seen him within the last 24 hours regardless.
This, in combination with Will being able to respond to El in the void at the end of the season in Castle Byers, when no one else outside of Terry and flayed-Billy have been able to, seems to imply that there is indeed something special about Will that makes him capable of communicating with El from the UD. Not only that, but El also seems to have an ability to be in this constant knowing state of how Will is doing, without even checking again to confirm. She's just certain of it. And she seems terrified about it.
Going forward, El never uses a picture of Will to find him. She never did. And more often than not, they don’t show us what she see’s either, not until the very end. And that’s the moment they reveal that he was able to communicate with her.
Again, there was really no reason to have El recognize Will. If anything it complicates things. But the fact that they chose to introduce this concept, with a scene from the original pitch that was related to El’s younger brother, with her pointing at his name cryptically, startling Benny, only to revamp it and have El not say anything at all while pointing at the picture of Will, startling Mike… It just really makes you stop and think.
Which brings me to the other aspect of this that might have people doubting, which is that El’s brother was originally younger than her.
We know Will is not younger than El, so how could this apply to him?
Well, it might be helpful to consider that in the original script, El was actually 10 years old, while the boys were always 12. Meaning that for some reason, they decided to age her up to the age of the boys, aka the same age as Will…
Ever since @erikiara80 shared this brother discovery with me, I have been sort of reeling. It then led to other little discoveries of changes they made between Montauk and Stranger Things.
It’s important to understand that the Montauk bible and the original script precedes what we ended up with in the final product, with it finally changing and evolving months, maybe even a year since that original vision. Even casting occurred before writing started for the first season. We know this because casting announcements were made in June and August of 2015, with writing not starting until August going into early 2016, simultaneously while they were filming.
And believe it or not, what I've discovered is that a lot of the changes they made between their original plans and what we see in the final product, have to do with not only Willel, but also Byler.
If you've read the original script for Montauk, you'll know that Mike's crush on Jennifer Hayes was focused on right from the jump, along with the birthmark on his face being focused on, which was the main cause of the bullying he experienced.
This has actually been talked about recently, and some of the claims people make do fit with what I am genuinely starting to consider here, which is that the initial plan for what makes Mike an outcast shifted.
I think when they completed casting, and started actually deep diving into what they wanted this world to look like, both from a short-term and long-term standpoint, they were presented with some pretty interesting discoveries, arguably already hiding in their initial plans without realizing it.
And this is where it sort of becomes a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Because which one came first? Byler or Willel?
I can't say for certain, because obviously this is all just speculation. But in the case that Willel came first, I think Byler would come very naturally after that.
The Duffers themselves are twins. Then they hire Noah, who is a twin. Then they're thinking and planning for El's past and how her family all fits into this, and they're thinking... wait a damn minute... We could totally Star Wars this bitch!
And then when they think it couldn't get any better, they uncover another layer that they hadn't planned or really considered in their initial plans.
While Will was always going to have sexual identity issues according to the Montauk bible, meaning that the writing process for him likely involved sitting down imagining scenarios that encapsulated this arc for Will from the beginning, they were simultaneously now finding very interesting aspects of Mike's character that made it hard not to at least consider the possiblity that Mike is not exactly straight.
Just think about it. The Byers and Wheelers are basically polar opposites on the spectrum of what a family looks like. While Will's discovery and acceptance of his queerness is interesting to explore because he comes from a low-income, single-mom household, all while having been bullied for years based on his perceived queerness, he also has a mother and brother constantly reinforcing that they will accept him no matter what. They've been sort of hitting us over the head with it for years, and so it wouldn't be very satisfying for his entire arc to merely lead up to something we've known all along. It's pretty much a given at this point.
On the other side of the spectrum, Mike comes from a more upper-middle class family at the end of a cul-de-sac, more aligned with what a nuclear family looks like. Mike's family is also presented as being more conservative, and while Karen does give that very queer-coded speech to Mike in s1 (I'm convinced they only wrote this after deciding to explore queer-coding more heavily with Mike), it also comes with comments from Ted and even still Karen that hint that they are probably not as open-minded and accepting as Will's family is to him. Which means Mike's arc would be a lot more about acceptance around him from his loved ones who we have been led to believe might not be as accepting of his queerness in contrast to Will.
And so as they're putting this story together, and they're being presented with something very interesting. Two similar experiences that play out in different ways because of the characters circumstances.
Will goes missing, and his twin sister with a buzzcut pops up and has the ability to help them find Will.
This leads to several moments where El is being compared to as not only a boy, but Will as well.
Now suddenly, their initial plans to have Mike's arc be about having a girl be interested in him and to hopefully have his first kiss and feel like less of a loser, starts to look a lot like what the experience a queer kid in his position might encounter growing up in the environment that he did.
And if you don't want to take my word for it, just hear the Duffer's themselves hinting at what they initially planned for Mike and the fact that it changed.
The changes don't stop there.
Believe it or not, 'It was a seven', did not exist in the initial pitch. When the boys went outside bickering over Nancy, they leave right after that.
Another thing that changed from the first script, was Scott Clarke's introduction:
And so you might be thinking, who cares? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, it's interesting because the line we end up with on the show is arguably one of the most on the nose Twelvegate proofs to date. Mind you, this is from the first episode:
Why chuck the original version, which was arguably more interesting and fascinating in terms of it hinting at the mysteriousness surrounding this story, only to replace it with him listing off tips about their upcoming test?
Well, I think it's the irony of it all. Here Mr. Clarke is practically telling us where to look to figure stuff out for ourselves what is going on, with all the kids filing out and ignoring him...
I relate to Scott a litttle too much in this shot here, any time I try to drop Willel evidence.
And the changes go on, as they obviously would.
Things like Terry Ives not even being El's mom, but actually a man who more so aligns with the characterization of Murray.
And one very interesting one I almost overlooked was in Hopper's introduction, where instead of a kids drawing done by who we assume to be Sarah, we actually see a picture on the wall of him and his wife and daughter... Interesting that they decided to switch it something that is a lot less definitive in presenting what Hopper's past looked like...
If you've made it this far, congratulations.
If you still think I'm out of my mind, just remember that El was going to have a brother in the original script, but they scrapped the scene and gave a near identical one to introduce her connection to Will instead 😘
#byler#stranger things#willel twins#twelvegate#montauk#as you can see#i am out of my mind#and i'm okay with that#i've spent the last couple months trying to make a video going over all the willel twin evidence#and i can't decide if it's even possible to do without going over an hour#like there is just so much shit that fits too perfectly into this family being ripped apart by mind control and time shenanigans#i hope to have it done soon#trying to make it less than 20 minutes#but it's probably going to end up being closer to an hour#especially with this stuff from the montauk pitch being added to the mix now#anyways#willel and byler are the curtain behind the curtain#if you are open to one of them#you are bound to stumble across the other#and they don't want that to happen#stay tuned for the inevitable twin imagery to continue in s5 related to willel leading up to the big reveal#bc it's arguably the most consistent thing about this damn show#and tbh this all just makes the queer-coding for mike in s1 a lot more concrete to me#them exploring will's queerness through his dad's expectations for him to do more 'manly' things like play baseball#and jonathan saying he shouldn't like things just bc people telll him he's supposed to#how they connect that narratively with the boys being at a baseball field when mike's being pressured about his supposed feelings for el#with the bullies showing up and literally being homophobic seconds later#the fact that jennifer hayes did in fact exist in the original pilot and was the girl mike had a crush on#only for them to scrap that and just make it about her having a crush on will...#never once introducing this idea of mike liking her...
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Oh this is nice!!! I know that early 2000s LOTR fandom was extremely hard to deal with so more power to you for this one.
Honestly, I found the fandom a great place to be in those days. There weren't a lot of people writing Celeborn or even the Sindar in general, (other than Haldir and Legolas.) But the section of the fandom that I hung out in, I found delightful. Lots of really good writers, and a playful atmosphere in which we were all being inspired by each others' work and writing our own, and chatting about it with each other. I was lucky, maybe, but I have only pleasant memories.
I do remember what I thought was a thriving Elrond/Celebrian fandom in those days (although anything not-Legolas and not-Feanorian was obviously much smaller than those powerhouses.) I think it's great. Celebrian deserves a bit of development. If we want strong female characters in the Tolkien fandom we should maybe write more of them than just Galadriel, and surely Galadriel's daughter must have been special in her own right.
i think it's interesting that even in that one Celeborn is a Teler, and therefore always associated with the folk that got damaged by the Kinslaying
It *is* interesting :) I think Galadriel nails her colours to the mast as regards her support for the Sons of Feanor with that decision. And would have stood to potentially alienate herself from her whole people if not for Thingol embracing the Finarfinions and (cautiously) being okay with the people of Fingolfin. It's hard to go against your whole family for love - which is an interesting aspect of their story I don't see explored enough.
(Admittedly I haven't been in the fandom for 20 years, so it may have been done to death by now, but... somehow I doubt it.)
Also I like the version in which Celeborn is a Sindar, which also makes the marriage a mixed marriage in terms where Galadriel married a dark elf. There's a lot to be said about elvish racism in the way the Amanyar treat the elves of Middle-earth, and how that makes things tricky not only for Galadriel with her relatives but also for Celeborn with his.
I think that's sad that people ignore this and say that Celeborn never understood the real Galadriel (opinion that came from the show for some reason) or that he's just an useless betacuck with no personality because that's the only way a woman would have indipendence in her marriage, amirite? Because else a Real Man™️ would rather tame her, right ?
Ugh. This is still going on? Of course it is. Because we are more sexist than Tolkien, and we can't imagine a m/f marriage without subordination of one of the parties.
For some reason it seems to be impossible for people to understand that you can have a marriage where both people have their say - and are thus functionally equal - where one of them has more power than the other.
And yet that's easy - the one with power just refuses to exert it over the other person. They respect their spouse's autonomy because they are a good person.
Also it's possible their spouse has qualities other than power that make it only sensible to consider their opinion.
because they are your beloved and you want them to be happy
because they may have more knowledge of specific things than you and you trust their judgment
because they may have character traits you don't have and you need - ie caution, or wisdom. (See where Galadriel calls her husband 'Celeborn the Wise'. She obviously thinks he generally has good takes on stuff.)
etc
I can't believe I'm still having to argue for the equality and independence of spouses in this day and age.
The less said about Peter Jackson the better. To be fair, I loved the first film, but it was him having the elves of Lorien come to Helm's Deep that got me into fandom in the first place. I was like 'no. That's not how that happened. Do you think they didn't have stuff to do at home?' And then I wrote Battle of the Golden Wood to try to produce something that was a bit closer to canon.
If I wasn't so old and tired I would be tempted to write the story of the Fall of Eregion and the Forging of the Rings for the same reason. But omg I am so tired.
Objectively the funniest argument i've seen for the reason why Celeborn isn't in the show is that he's so boring that not even the showrunners know what to do with him and that he would be an useless baggage for Galadriel's story…
Well, they should do their job and think of something. I could do it. I could do it in a heartbeat. It's easy. How dare these people think that Galadriel's husband is going to be boring? What a travesty!
For what you say of the lore… you're right but i think that the Unfinished Tales rights are off so they cannot use them.
Oh yes, I keep forgetting about the copyright stuff, and their insane decision to write a story they don't have the rights to use the canon sources for.
They should have done something they *did* have the rights for, instead of just making up something that almost has to be wrong in order to be permitted at all. I'm sure there are an infinite number of stories that could be told around the events of LotR and The Hobbit.
What about that Haradhrim soldier that Sam wondered about, for example? I would genuinely love to see more about Far Harad and learn what lies Sauron told them to make them trek across Mordor on their war elephants to attack a city they'd probably never heard of.
You could add a female MC, a couple of blue wizards and some ex-Numenorian Corsairs and I'm sure you could mix up something fascinating that no one in Tolkien fandom could complain about at all.
(We still would complain, but it would be fun complaining and not whatever cannibalistic thing this is.)
Simon Tolkien should at least suck it up and if he was ok with Amazon's fic, to open the possibility for fans to publish LOTR retellings.
LOL! That would be great. I'm ready :)
Hoo, boy. I am definitely going to unfollow the Celeborn tag again, since it's full of Haladriel shippers arguing that Celeborn stans are harassing them.
I'm not getting into whether that's true. I have no interest in Rings of Power, and as far as I am concerned, Halbrand does not exist in Tolkien's world. I can't be somewhere where people mix Amazon's fanfiction with actual lore.
Also ship wars are not for me. I was a massive Celeborn defender during the release of the movies, and I wrote several novels worth of fanfic then. I think I'm spent.
Still, as a Celeborn fan I thought the Celeborn tag would be a great place to go to find stuff about Celeborn. How could I have been so foolish!
My poor lad! Not even his own tag is about him. Which is exactly what I should have expected, now I come to think about it.
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For the last day of pride month: sea salt family!
#kh roxas#kh xion#kh isa#kh lea#sea salt trio#sea salt family#kingdom hearts#kh#kingdom hearts xion#kingdom hearts roxas#kingdom hearts lea#kingdom hearts Isa#kh Axel#xion kh#roxas kh#isa kh#lea kh#roxas kingdom hearts#xion kingdom hearts#lea kingdom hearts#isa kingdom hearts#no one can stop me from everything I can think of. so#not shown but Roxas is gnc but there isn’t a commonly excepted flag and I didn’t just want to use the nonbinary flag#it’s important to me that you know that Lea is the only cis one in the sea salt fam I think it’s funny#Xion Isa transgirl transman solidarity. we love that for them#Xion and Roxas would find solidarity in the queer and particularly trans community in a way a lot of trans people find solidarity in them#They have a gsa club at school and both join. Xion realises she is transgender and the fact that others have the experience of being a girl#trapped in a boys body blows her mind. yeah it’s not exactly the same but holy shit!!!#Roxas gets to explore his identity more! figures out that gender isn’t that important to him and yeah sure he can be a girl and a guy#and whatever. it’s fun! Lea and Isa grew up in a place where this stuff wasn’t talked about that much so they are confused but supportive
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2024 reads / storygraph
Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments & The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle
books 2 & 3 in the Edinburgh Nights series
paranormal mystery set in a climate-ravaged future Scotland, plagued by ghosts and magic
follows a 15yo Black girl who’s finally gotten an in to learn scientific magic properly - but it turns out to be an unpaid internship, so she has to take more jobs delivering ghost messages and investigating mysteries to take care of her gran and little sister
in book 2 she’s investigating a strange illness centred on a magic school for boys
and in book 3 she’s attending a global magician conference held in a creepy castle - when someone’s murdered, and they’re locked in until she figures out the culprit
Zimbabwean magic, friendship, disabled characters, no romance (so far)
#The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle#Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments#Edinburgh Nights#T.L. Huchu#The Library of the Dead#really enjoy this series!#the worldbuilding is very interesting - kinda combo climate-ravaged future but also in some aspects societally it feels kinda 1800s#(especially with the vibe of the mystery/paranormal elements)#I saw that the author (who is from Zimbabwe) describe it as ‘if edinburgh was a third world city’ which actually makes a lot of sense#Also I have to make the wendell & wild x lockwood & co comp again#I felt like book 2 was a little all over the place? I slightly lost track of the other-realms stuff lol#I really loved book 3 though - definitely more direct plot-wise#I like how it explores her journey through learning that the magic society is just as corrupt and shitty as anything else and maybe she#doesn't want it after all. as well as how the stress of everything is getting to her is causing panic attacks#love the scottish accent in the audiobooks!#so many interesting different supernatural elements. yay for sidhe in book 3 (tho only briefly)#hold on. do the book covers reflect the colour of her locs. (ok not quite for book one which is usually blue but there is a green variant)#ok I did say no romance but also I can’t tell if I’m just imagining Something between ropa & priya bc in book 3……they had some moments.#I mean I enjoy them as platonic moments also but just noting here in case it DOES turn out to be intentional and something that happen??#also fair warning the promo for book four seems to spoil somehting that's not even in the blurb??#aroaessidhe 2024 reads
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send help, I can't stop making signalis ocs
#and most of them are mynahs. to nobody's surprise#I swear to god if they all my characters belonged to the same timeline and planet they could fill sierpinsky-23#so far we got#trigger's cadre (and other relevant replikas from the same facility: two storches. one adler. two aras. one eule and one gestalt)#sasha and her gelstalt parents#winzig#a team of five mynahs making a tunnel trough enemy territory (and the schnapper that is leading them)#a guy mynah and his adler coworker/bf who just wanted to discover new lands but instead found ✨the horrors✨#← a suspicious kolibri and ominously threatening falke from the same story#a depressed mynah that works alone in a now defunct power plant (ft her kolibri supervisor whom she has attachment issues with)#two mynahs that repurposed an abandoned research center in the artic as an inn#original unit that does crime scene/biohazard cleanup#original unit that explore and do rescues in cave systems and stuff#original male unit that is pretty much a translator/interpreter with anxiety#a sentient corrupt storch and her emotional support cowardly eule#crazy scientist/doctor ara and her mynah wife that she experiments on#and the latest adition:#a group of “rogue” replikas (and implied gestalts too. but mostly replikas) hiding somewhere in leng#← including two kolibri siblings. an adler married to one of them. a star obsessed with customs and rules. a “tough” mynah and her “prisone#(← it's actually her mynah friend that she has a crush on. luckily for her she also corresponds her feelings but they REALLY need to talk)#holy shit that's a lot of tags. sorry y'all#the yappening
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been thinking a lot about my royai kid ideas lately but i don't think a lot of people will like them because i don't name the kid after maes lol
#and also I focus more on riza's traumatic upbringing rather than only addressing roy being sad about maes#also it's 03royai usually#crystal convos#i have my own personal bias against the idea of their baby being named after maes#in part because i dont think the wound will ever be healed enough for roy to be able to not associate it w the pain of losing his friend#i also cannot explain just how much the idea of naming my own child directly after my dead sister makes me want to die so. pure projection#i think my problem with a lot of royai kid stuff is that riza has an explicitly traumatic childhood in her background and no one explores i#because they're so focused on roy struggling with feeling like he can never measure up to hughes--which is fine but WHAT ABOUT RIZA#One aspect abt Riza's trauma that I explore with my royai kid stuff is the theme of alchemist fathers and their children they abuse/neglect#Riza herself; Nina Tucker; the Elrics... And now she is having an alchemist's child
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*taking a pull from my cigarette while languidly lying on my therapists chaise lounge* I understand the drive to explore a positive polyamorous arrangement between veth, caleb, and yeza on a conceptual level, but is it not also worthwhile to explore the facets of veth that have already and desire to do more so engage in acts of infidelity? are all acts of infidelity painted with the same brush of inherent immorality? do we give leeway to infidelity in some cases or do we consider everyone a villain for doing it, regardless of context? in veth's context, would infidelity be understandable? who determines that, us or her, a person who does struggle with the idea of infidelity? how does veth interact with her romantic desire for another man despite knowing it's a bad thing? is it not incredibly interesting to engage with an immoral choice, particularly one that she perhaps spent a great deal of time considering herself, in the confines of fiction and/or transformative fiction? do we dismiss all interrogation of veth's relationship with infidelity out of hand simply because we are uncomfortable with the idea of infidelity itself?
#anyway I saw someone refer to veth and caleb post-yeza as ''that cheating shit'' and I'm like#is it shit? or should be not extend more empathy and understanding for why and how veth might engage with those feelings post-yeza?#I am not tagging anything because I am going to be Killed for this post I think#also crucify me but I think infidelity can be incredibly interesting and in veth's context I think it especially is#because it's not a petty cruelty. there's a lot of foundation built into why she might want to be unfaithful#I understand personal taste with this sort of stuff and respect people who personally don't like this#but also perhaps we shouldn't call it ''that cheating shit'' when it's thematically central to her conflict overall#this is fiction. let's explore some difficult things here!
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hiiii… i wanted to ask more about this particular val scene where mc and her talk about that portrait and mc is a bit stuck on the word husband and wants val to know theyre not a man. can i ask what inspired that type of convo? i wanted to know if it’s something you’ll touch up on again? is this underlying feelings mc had before their entombment… worried that val sees them as a man just because mc is masc? cause i know that’s kind of broader discussion in the lesbian community iirc….. was that why you wanted to incorporate it? this ask has so many questions LOL but basically i wanted to say i was intrigued and it did made me think more on those type of dynamics (thinking back to those resources you rb’d a while ago that go more into depth about diff things in the lesbian community)
oh boy get ready for another long-winded answer from me!
a lot of the feelings mc has about their gender are inspired by Leslie Feinberg's work (mainly Stone Butch Blues)
Feinberg was someone who lived & passed as a man for years of hir life, and wrote a lot about the complexities of hir gender and what it was like being a "gender outlaw."
there was actually a scene in particular from sbb that kinda put the kernel of an idea in my mind that led to this narrative of the mc feeling overshadowed by Standard and anxious about being perceived as a man. it's towards the end of the book when Jess (sbb's protagonist) meets Ruth (a trans woman that Jess falls in love with)
Jess offers to help Ruth carry groceries up to her apartment, and Ruth takes this the wrong way & is offended, partly because she thinks Jess is a man.
One Saturday afternoon I found her clutching two huge bags of groceries and fumbling with the downstairs front-door lock. I pulled out my key.
“Here, let me.” She didn’t say thank you. She hurried ahead of me on the stairs.
“Can I help you carry those?” I offered.
“Do I look weak to you?” she asked.
I stopped on the stairs. “No. Where I come from it’s just a sign of respect, that’s all.”
She continued up the stairs. “Well, where I come from,” she called out, “men don’t reward women for pretending to be helpless.” Once I heard her apartment door close I kicked the stair in anger and frustration.
later, after they get to know each other better, they have this interaction:
I laughed and picked at my salad. “Do you know if I’m a man or a woman?”
“No,” Ruth said. “That’s why I know so much about you.”
I sighed. “Did you think I was a man when you first met me?" She nodded. "Yes. At first I thought you were a straight man. Then I thought you were gay. It’s been a shock for me to realize that even I make assumptions about sex and gender that aren’t true. I thought I was liberated from all of that.”
I smiled. “I didn’t want you to think I was a man. I wanted you to see how much more complicated I am. I wanted you to like what you saw.”
i think the inspiration here is quite obvious, hahaha. i figure anyone that's read sbb can sense the similar through-line here in my work. though the conversation between mc and Valentina has a much different tone.
there's another scene later as well after something happens to Jess and she has to have her jaw wired shut. she's working at a new job and is unable to speak, and she's also passing as a man at this job. she overhears some of her female coworkers talking about her and they refer to her as a "creep" and speculate that she's always watching one of them. Jess overhears all of this and then walks out of the job, goes home and pulls the wires out of her mouth herself:
After I was sure I’d gotten the last piece of wire out of my gums, I rinsed my mouth with whiskey and then drank the rest of it so I could sleep without remembering how Marija’s words had stripped me of my humanity.
butches & gnc women still face this kind of dehumanization; compared or likened to men in a derogatory way, accused of being "heteropatriarchal," the predatory stereotype of the fat ugly lesbian, and on the other side they're also hypersexualized, especially online and in queer spaces. butchphobia is a specific kind of misogyny that hits from all sides, even from the people that are supposed to be a part of your community. and this attitude especially effects trans women and women of color, who are already experiencing all of these things due to transmisogyny and racism.
i also really wanted to use this to touch on the kind of gender essentialism that we see in a lot of these cis feminist discussions - to these women at this job, Jess had committed no real crime other than being quiet and being the “wrong” kind of man. something about this scene has always stuck with me and really bothered me, but it's hard to put into words; on one hand i can admit i have probably been one of those women who made some kind of similar remark about a man i barely knew, but i've also been someone on the receiving end, too, because of the way i look. the mc in blood choke is put into this box, but they can't fit in, as someone who has been on both sides and doesn't really understand where they belong because of it; how can she stand beside Valentina or Hana or Clear when they might see her as a perpetrator, someone who can't be trusted? how does this mindset harm both the women and the men of the council and everyone in between? how can we break this cycle?
one of the films i mentioned recently when talking about the character designs was The Same Difference, which is specifically about the Black lesbian community and the discrimination within that community based upon gender roles (though this is not something limited to just the Black lesbian community)
a lot of the women in that doc talk about the boxes they're put in as AG or stud lesbians - they can't have their hair long, they can't wear makeup, they can't do this or that, they have to be aggressive and hard or else they're not real studs. they discuss stud on stud (or butch4butch) and how other lesbians look down on those types of lesbians, as well as the disdain for bisexual women for "betraying" the community. it explores the way misogyny and the patriarchy still oppress these women and forces them into this restrictive gender role despite their refusal to adhere to the other role originally assigned to them, and the way racism specifically intersects and exacerbates it for Black lesbians. there's a stud that's an exotic dancer and wears a weave, and a lot of other studs have a problem with this because a weave is "a female thing." another section follows a pregnant stud, and how the community shuns her for that, because she "dresses like a man and acts like a man" so why is she getting pregnant when she should be "the man"?
mc doesn't remember how they felt before entombment, but waking up they feel this need to prove themselves - both in that they are hard and aggressive like a butch should be, but also in that they want to be this person for Valentina or Clear or Hana (or all of them) that is safe and comforting. but they aren't sure how to do that when the world perceives them as this one specific thing - as a husband, as Standard, as a man, specifically this man who hurt Valentina.
of course we've already seen this to not be true of the companions with the last chapter as the mc learns more and spends more time with everyone. but this is kind of the foundation of where this whole idea came from. it started with my novel & i chose vampires for that story & this one because there is a long history of lesbian vampirism (and also because it's sexy) but there's this "curse" that both Hana & Valerie talk about in their respective stories, the first one being the racism she's had to face, the transphobia, along with this alienation and perception of lesbians as predatory and conniving and aggressive, as vampires, which i just think really lends itself to expanding upon these issues lesbians & trans women face both in general and within the community.
anyways if you want to read more i suggest Stone Butch Blues, which you can get for free on Leslie Feinberg's website, as well as S/he, by Minnie Bruce Pratt, available on the internet archive, Gender Failure by Ivan E. Coyote & Rae Spoon also on the internet archive, and you can rent The Same Difference for $10 on vimeo.
#im gonna be real idk if this makes sense to anyone but me. lmfao#but basically leslie feinberg is a huge inspiration for me#and just exploring the way homophobia and transphobia and misogyny all intersect when someone is gnc#and the expectations put on them#i think about butch al a lot and the things she says to jess and the way that section of the book plays out#and then in the end when the cops raid the bar#al and jess are fags except for what the cops did to al and the way they dehumanize her#how the mc is considered a man in certain instances - when the girls throw a brick at her or when the woman yells at her in the bathroom#or when atlas shakes hands with her and calls her their man#but other times she's a 'proper lady' with V or when that man gives her and Hana a dirty look in the elevator#or when cassius says 'ladies first'#mc is always one or the other whatever is convenient and degrades her the most in the moment#you know?#i dont know. im just saying stuff#basically i want to explore these gendered expectations & stereotypes and how they harm someone vulnerable like mc#how they feel alienated even from V & hana & clear for not being butch enough#but also for being butch and trans in the first place and feeling like an infiltrator#ask#anonymous
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#This is about the last thing I could have imagined happening to me but.#A girl just slid what pretty realistically is a love letter under my door and. I really don't know what to do about it#God. I like her a lot but I also really just love her as a friend??#I don't. I have no idea what to reply because on one hand if I said something like#“yeah every second we spend together is precious to me too I love you <3 ” I would probably. Definitely come across wrong#But at the same time I can't just reply coldly I don't want to be rude. I do enjoy the time we spend together.#I just feel that if I don't reply with the same love and dedication I will come off as rude and make her sad and I really don't want to#But also I'm like. 100% sure I'm not into her romantically#It's just. The way she talks to me in the letter makes me feel... Odd in the bad way.#She spent words of admiration on me I really feel like I can't own you know.#She seems to look up to me a lot and I don't think I should be looked up to at all.#“You're a wonderful‚ very strong‚ and intelligent person” HOW DO YOU EVEN REPLY TO THAT.#“Uh I disagree but you're entitled to your opinion”... ?#Thank you?#This is. Ugh. I'm really not fit for this kind of stuff.#I LOVE exploring characters being in love and putting them in awkward ridiculous situations that make them miserable.#I HATE to be in such situations#As if exams weren't enough. How do I deal with that#Posting this just in case anyone has genuine advice btw. How do you reject a girl you actually like a lot#And how should I even write her back. Because she said to and I'm the WORST at writing back#Sis this is stressing me off so much. I want to dig a hole and disappear in it. I'm not getting out of my room for the next six months.#(For context we live in the same students dorm)#random rambles#I'm so distressed right now this is the absolute worst.#Like I was pretty fine with where we were at but now I feel like I really don't want to spend time with her again for a long time.#Deleting this soon hopefully
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btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.
having said which
as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"
which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.
like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.
like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer
and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.
but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.
personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.
idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.
#red said#not to Cancel Culture this but isabelle fall springs to mind in a lot of how folks talk about stuff like this#like she wrote a transgressive piece exploring her own negative feelings about transness and her anger around a transphobic trope#and she made something which i found really resonant and interesting#and she got torn apart for it because it Might From Some Angles Agree With Transphobia#and I'm not making a direct comparison. because i think attack helicopter is a really GOOD story and i think SGA is gratuitous and hack#but that's the thing right? transgression and discomfort and speaking about unpleasant things in an openended way are KEY#to making art that engages directly with your own pains and angers and discomforts#and that's hard to mediate tbh. but it's also very necessary.#i think as well thinking about Gaiman this is also a thought I've often had about Amanda Palmer#who over the years has written a lot of songs about things i find genuinely uncomfortable or offensive.#and i can engage with 'it's fucked up to tell your ex they transed their gender At You' or 'your partner's suicide is not about you' bc yeah#but#you can't celebrate someone for making confessional music then get mad because you don't like everything they confess#if you only take about your socially acceptable thoughts it's not really confessional is it?#if you only talk about discomforting things that people are comfortable hearing about its not really discomforting#and you can only really discern what's Good Transgressive and what's Damaging Transgressive through doing i think#so if you want challenging art you are going to have to get some art which challenges you and you go hmm no i still disagree#is what i think#so yeah you can hate the artwork but when an artist is specifically setting out to make challenging art it's weird to hate them#for making 50 pieces of art you like and 1 you hate
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