#there's a lot of early stuff that I'm not satisfied with because it was all off the cuff

[threegoldfish]

It touches Steven's heart, to hear the man speak those words out into the open; He talks about himself, his... way of caring, if one shall call it such, just to then give more of those utterly kind words back to Steven.

And he... swallows again, feels his heart fluttering briefly behind the firm of his sternum. They step through the door, leave the infirmary behind---

"...I'm glad you could... grow into who you are now, doctor - despite it all." Despite his past, mentioned but not elaborated upon, and Steven gets it - doesn't push nor prod, just takes it the way it is, listens and accepts. Another smile, something soft at the edges, as he looks over at Harrow - allowing a second of silence to pass before he clears his throat once more.

"I'... I'm sorry that... things happened the way they did. But!" A finger lifts itself into the air, a sudden spark of energy existing, something cheerful, happy. "You have me now! While I, uhm, d-don't really want you to care about me all the time - that's bloody exhausting, really, you shouldn't do that! - I'm still... very happy about receiving some of it, as you may have noticed, so..." It is meant as a bit of a joke, perhaps, lighthearted and a little cheeky... but there's actually a good portion of sincerety stored within those words; Steven likes the man, after all, and he feels so much better because of him caring. Definitely won't complain if he gets to have a bit more of that, yeah...

A chuckle, a shrug, a soft exhale of air. Sheepish, again. "And... thank you. I can only give t-that back to you, honestly: Your words mean a lot. Not sure if you intended for them to, but... yeah." Another bit of something vaguely playful, but honest and heartfelt.

--

Getting to take a shower, to clean up thoroughly, had felt absolutely amazing to Steven - allowed him to calm down even further, to let go of that stress and anxiety that had filled the whole of his confused being after... well, everything, yeah. He'd also cleaned his face, as carefully as he could, removed all of that dried-up blood (ugh, disgusting) and some of the scabs that were already about to fall off all by themselves; The plaster across the bridge of his nose and the cut on his upper lip are what remains, and he's positive that he can deal with those.

And Steven had... written that letter. Yeah, he had. Mulled it over for a little while there, during the whole of that day - unsure if he really should take a first step and approach that Marc-guy in such a way. But then, in the early evening, he'd decided on giving it a try; Hearing about how much he must struggle had just done something to him, caused that tiny beating heart inside his chest to ache, so... really, there had been no way around it! Steven needed to write this letter, in an attempt to make the unknown man feel better about himself!

Did he start over about three times, throwing away paper after paper? Yes. Did it take him the whole damn evening up until the early night to get it done? Absolutely. But he'd managed, filled three entire pages with whatever he could come up with - talking about himself, what he likes to do, to eat, to listen to, to watch on TV, explained about his odd fascination for anything ancient Egypt, apologized for rambling so much, told about feeling sorry for Marc having to go through a lot of bad stuff...

---Erm, yeah, it's a very long letter indeed. But Steven finished it, satisfied with the outcome - put it to the side, then went to bed with a book in hand, intending to read a few pages.

He fell asleep before he could even start doing such.

--

Fingers trail along the pages of written text, tracing the lines, the rather messy handwriting; Marc's been reading the whole thing twice so far, is about to do it a third time. The sun's barely up yet, but he can hear some noise coming from outside of his room (people waking up, getting ready for breakfast) - he'd allowed the body to rest for about four hours, then woke up within it, and now here he is.

Moved. Affected. Shoulders heavy, brows furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line. What had happened the day before had... shaken things up quite a bit, yeah - caused Marc to come to terms with the fact that Steven's starting to take over the body without Marc allowing him to, which... well...

---God, the guilt is eating away on him, the fact that poor Steven had to go through it all - had to wake up in the infirmary with blood all over his shirt, nose and entire head hurting, that stupid nurse giving him the worst of times possible. Marc had always done everything he could to protect the man - to keep him from witnessing such kinds of things - but he'd failed this time, and... he thinks that it might not be the first time, all thigs considered.

There's a few days missing for him, after all, and he's pretty sure now that those have been lived by Steven instead. Harrow knows of him, after all, the two chatting along in a rather comfortable way---

Without that doctor having made his way over in the middle of the night, Steven would've gone through an even worse hell. Marc is beyond grateful - and... well, he... should probably tell Harrow such. Talk about the fact that the whole Steven-thing is nothing new to Marc, but rather a constant.

With a sigh falling from his lips, Marc rereads the letter for the mentioned third time. His heart aches because of it, to get to read all the things the other had written down so neatly - caring about Marc, despite not knowing him. Thinking of him being someone else somewhere within this facility, when in reality, Marc has been here with him all the damn time...

--

When it's finally time for Marc to go to the next meeting with Harrow, it's the late afternoon. A caretaker is picking him up from the community room, leads him over to that office; A knock on that door, and Marc is being let inside - he's sure that he doesn't need to introduce himself, Harrow will know by simply looking at him that this is, in fact, Marc - and not Steven.

Arthur glanced over as they walked, his expression unreadable for just a moment. He was caught in thought just behind his eyes, something distant but present; the words were nice. Hearing that he came across as a man who ‘cared a lot’ stuck to him harder than they should have; lingering like something rare. He didn’t wave it off. 

“Maybe a bit too much,” he echoed in agreement, an edge of a smile forming on his face. “You’re not the first person to say that. But I appreciate it, thank you.” 

His voice was odd around compliments, like there was something almost tired in it. Not the tired that came from not sleeping enough, but from something deeper - something older. Arthur felt old sometimes, in times like this; so much past that led up to such little in the present. 

“I didn’t always care,” he offered as they walked. “There was a time where I wouldn’t’ve cared if someone was in pain, even if I’d caused it.” His head tilted, considering; remembering something distant. “But that kind of life doesn’t give anything back. I guess you can say that I’ve grown into someone with a lot of care to give, but I have a past that doesn't give me a lot of people to give it to.” 

He gave Steven a smile, genuine and friendly. “So thank you. That meant a lot more than you probably intended it to.” 

At the door, he paused to press his ID to the lock. The door clicked open, Arthur holding it open for Steven so that the man could pass through first. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you drop bricks. I think you just… speak honestly. That’s rare. People are so used to being careful, they sometimes forget how comforting it is to be around someone who’s not trying to perform all the time.” 

Another smile, more than just something kind and polite. Something genuine, to some point; he liked Steven. He liked the honesty, he liked the way he rambled and cared - it was jarring when compared to Marc, but it was understandable why Marc might lock this part away from himself. It was easy to consider these traits to be ‘weak’ ones; but it was fascinating to see the man that it all combined into. 

“You’ve got clothes in the same place as last time. Shower is the same - no one should bother you. Feel free to stay in your room for a while, if it’d help you feel better - just take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot, today.” 

[keeps-ache]

Who’s your favourite oc to draw :3

Ohhh that's a hard one... some designs are just easier to draw but others i Really like the character so..... easy answer, oath bhfvsh :3

[prettieinpink]

LITTLE WAYS TO LIVE HEALTHIER IN 2025

INCREASE YOUR N.E.A.T. Neat stands for non exercise activity thermogenesis. So, basically any daily activities we do when not exercising or sleeping. It's important for you to have a high N.E.A.T because it can be the difference between having a sedentary lifestyle or being moderately active. 

Ways to increase NEAT is to do more heavier chores everyday (vacuuming, mopping, dusting), taking the longer routes when walking, stand for 10 minutes each hour, pace back and forth while calling someone, march while you’re brushing your teeth, etc. 

DRINK HERBAL TEAS. Herbal teas can help you in a variety of areas of life, and are a great substitute for other processed beverages. 

ADD SUNLIGHT IN YOUR MORNING. Exposing yourself to sunlight early in the day helps with resetting the circadian rhythm, which in return helps for waking up easier and going to sleep easier. 

EAT WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS. You’ll savour your food so much more and it’ll be easier to tell when you’re satisfied. 

CREATE A PLAYLIST FOR WHEN YOU WIND DOWN. Once you get into the habit of listening to this playlist, it’ll become like a trigger to your body that it’s time to sleep because listening to that playlist  should be followed by settling into bed. 

 REGULARLY GO TO YOUR GP. Especially if you’re feeling a bit out of it. It is always better to make those regular visits and catch something before it becomes out of hand. 

STOP WAKING UP SO EARLY. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but waking up at 5am is unnecessary if not required. While I do believe that waking up earlier does have benefits, that extra hour of sleep probably has more. 

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING, TAKE IT SLOWER. In this day and age, we don’t have time to process a lot of things. Everything is so fast paced, that if we fall behind, we tend to feel less than. 

Especially if you’re someone who can’t keep pace with the crowd due to disabilities or mental health. Take things at your own pace, and do what you can will yourself to do. 

GET SPIRITUAL. Lots of studies show that people who commit themselves to their beliefs are a lot happier in life than those who don’t. This doesn’t mean that you have to commit to a religion yet, but I would explore your spirituality side and see what  resonates with you. 

WEAR YOUR SPF. Skin cancer is no joke, and our earth is only getting hotter. Protect yourself, including your body! 

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD PEOPLE. People who radiate love and are always looking for the goodness around them, that rubs off on you and in return you’ll develop similar traits. Being with them will stimulate growth in all aspects of your life. 

I'm not telling anyone to ‘fix’ anyone, but it means a lot to other people if you can be that person in their life. It's a very rewarding and fulfilling lifestyle.  

TAKE MAKEUP BREAKS REGULARLY. Give your skin a break from products, and ideally take a week off each month to spend it makeup free. You’re saving time and your skin. 

ADD IN FRUITS, HERBS OR LEMON IN YOUR WATER. This will help with extra hydration and improve digestion. 

PRIORITISE FIBRE. As much as protein is good for you, fibre has just as much importance but it's not as heavily prioritised. Ideally, half of your meal should be fibres. However, that can be a hard change for some people, so start with having it on the side. 

It's great if you can incorporate ‘hidden’ fibre into your meals as well!

CURATE YOUR SPACE TO SUIT YOU. Add in little notes of reminders or quotes, place around photos or awards of your achievements, remove anything that impacts you negatively. You want the area that you’re in 24/7 to support that growth, not stifle it. 

Keep your area clean and decluttered as well. Try to minimise the amount of stuff that you have. You only need one of each thing, two is one too many. Having too much clutter affects the clarity of your mind.

it is numbered oddly because of the way I pasted this from google docs to tumblr. apologies!

[weaselandfriends]

youve probably already mused about this in the past but do you think cascade could work as the actual ending of homestuck? like is there a way in which homestuck could be read as a complete narrative with a somewhat satisfying ending if we were to consider cascade or its whereabouts the place where it ends? how much retooling would it need to work that way? is it even possible?

Oh now we're getting the REAL asks.

From a technical standpoint, I actually think it's totally doable to do a cut of Homestuck where Cascade is more-or-less the ending. Homestuck doesn't have nearly as many load-bearing elements as it seems to have at first glance. For instance, I think even the trolls can be cut from Homestuck altogether with minimal structural harm, as long as Vriska's game-breaking role is shifted to Rose. Hussie claimed his original vision for the story was for Cascade to be the climax, and Act 6 to be a relatively short denouement that would mostly involve cleaning up loose ends. That actually tracks with where he left the comic when Cascade ended. The unresolved stuff at the end of Cascade is:

The Scratch has created a new universe, which the players are all heading to. This fresh universe is where they will be able to complete the game.

Lord English!

Lingering mysteries about the kids in the new universe, who have been hinted at a few times throughout Act 5 (most notably regarding Liv Tyler the bunny, which shows up with a note from Jake, IIRC).

Bec Noir is still around, even if neutralized by PM.

I'm pretty sure this is it, not counting one-off lines like Rose playing the rain that are pretty structurally nonessential and could be excised easily or brushed off with some lampshading ("Wow isn't it funny we never played the rain!" -- I think Hussie actually does specific one anyway). There are also a few hints that HIC might have a role in the new universe, but I would likewise describe these as nonessential.

Looking at this list, it's easy to see both why Hussie thought he could end the story quickly and why he failed to do it. With the powers at the disposal of the main cast, going into the new universe and completing the game should be trivial. Hussie probably thought he'd quickly introduce Jake, Jane etc. in a nostalgic callback to the beginning of the story, then round up everyone for a final fight against Lord English/Bec Noir/HIC to put some fireworks on the ending. Cascade really had trimmed down the expansiveness and complexity of the story significantly, which made these few lingering plot elements seem so surmountable.

In actuality, though, Hussie quickly became mired in introducing the new characters. I think his problem was that he was struggling to reengineer the emotional stakes of the story. There's a desperate reek in the early parts of Act 6 where he is pleading for readers to care about the new kids. With the original kids, he took his time introducing them and let their personalities emerge organically over infrequent chatlogs while most of the action centered on John-as-reader-insert doing dumbassery. With the trolls, Hussie treated them like jokes and gave them over-the-top personalities with ridiculous, murderous drama, which fit the speedrunny way he introduced them. But the new kids are in this limbo where he wants to get them working (like Jar Jar) quickly, yet is giving them personalities that are at worst nondescript and at best Dave 2: Davier. (Roxy is the exception here.) They wind up having a lot of very cute, very cloying chatlogs that read super forced and I wonder if their failure to immediately get off the ground is why Hussie felt the need to spend more time with them, linger on them, until Jake winds up with one of the highest line counts of any character in the story despite saying exactly 0 things of value total.

Worse, though, is the villain situation, because it's directly tied to the story's stakes. Hussie has to make Lord English a more significant threat than Bec Noir, despite working at base with only a few references to him from Spades Slick and Doc Scratch. It's from this we get the laborious cherub stuff, the expansive dream bubble stuff (Lord English being able to double-kill ghosts is his major establishing moment of threat), and the general need to make this whole section of Homestuck feel as weighty and monumental as the first half.

The problem with Cascade is that, even though it doesn't resolve the plot, is resolves pretty much all of the emotional stakes and tension in the story. The idea of going quickly from Cascade to a final fight makes sense on paper but it doesn't make sense emotionally. That final fight would wind up as flaccid-feeling as Collide eventually did feel. Hussie's kudzu-plant expanding Act 6 reads to me as an attempt to rebuild to the level of tension that existed before Cascade, one that eventually failed because he got tired with the project and phoned in the climax anyway.

So, getting back to the original question, I think if we're to end Homestuck at Cascade then it really needs to END at Cascade, narratively as well as emotionally. Cascade does an admirable job cutting down Homestuck's plot threads from 100 to 4, but it really needs to cut them down from 100 to 0. This is a lot trickier than it seems because Cascade is, in the context of the narrative, not a moment of victory but a moment of... quitting. It's hitting the in-universe reset button. It's triumphantly hitting that button, but it cannot actually achieve total plot resolution without fundamentally changing what it actually is.

You can slim things down. Lord English can, believe it or not, be cut entirely. Prior to Act 6 he exists only in a handful of lines. Doc Scratch can be reframed as the ultimate evil himself, rather than simply its servant. He already is a pretty good villain in his own right.

Bec Noir is trickier because there's not really a good opportunity for the heroes to fight him. I wonder how necessary that is, though. It's not like Homestuck was ever a story where things got resolved by flashy cinematic fights. PM getting the ring is a satisfying, climactic moment in its own right; does she have to get locked into eternal stalemate with Bec Noir? Can she maybe just defeat him the moment she gets the ring? It's an unconventional ending, but one that makes sense in the concept of Homestuck. Given Collide, that's probably a superior way for the climax to go anyway.

That leaves the new universe kids. They can also probably be cut pretty easily. I'm fairly certain Liv Tyler is the only direct contribution they make to the pre-Cascade story. It'd take some changes to account for that, but not many. Alternatively, since we already can't get past the fact that Cascade is just a reset button press and not a resolution in and of itself, we could leave them in as characters who show up, briefly, in an epilogue of sorts, framed solely through the POV of the original kids. (i.e., forgo all the "Your name is JANE CROCKER etc.) Maybe don't even give them lines. Leave it to the fandom to come up with their personalities.

The way I'm envisioning this is that we end the story as quickly as possible after Cascade, and by that I mean literally 15-20 pages where we show everyone speedrun the new universe with their incredible god powers, maybe with a few cathartic final conversations between the surviving members of the cast. The longer you go on post-Cascade, the longer you're going to be tempted to go on, to make its new elements breathe in their own right, and when you do that it's only a matter of time before you get sucked into the Act 6 Vortex of bringing back meaningful stakes, which you have to do from Ground Zero.

I'm actually a big fan of Act 6, which is where I feel like Hussie gets a lot meaner, a lot more combative with the readership, with some fascinating results. Most of Act 6's failures stem from the failure of its ending, which is a separate issue caused by Hussie losing interest in the project after the Hiveswap debacle. But if you're doing Act 6, you gotta really DO Act 6. You can't just do it halfway. All or nothing.

[bthump]

So I re-read the Black Swordsman chapters recently and I was kind of struck by how much of it actually serves the current story lol, with Guts' breakdown over failing to strike Griffith.

So much of the Black Swordsman arc revolves around Guts' fear of his own weakness and the inevitable failure of his revenge campaign. Guts identifies with Vargas and he's terrified that he's just as weak against Griffith as Vargas is against the Count.

He refuses to confront that weakness though, insisting that he's strong, that he's different from Vargas, from the ghosts at the end of chapter 4 who helplessly want revenge, from weak ordinary people who can't defend themselves from a "walking disaster" like him, etc.

Honestly I've always adored the parallel between Guts and Theresia at the end for Theresia getting compared to an epic guy like Guts in her mix of suicide/refusal to die, and her rage and vow of vengeance. But now I wonder if it's more significant in Guts being compared to Theresia, a helpless, weak little girl stubbornly living on for the probably futile sake of revenge.

Anyway this theme helps contexualize Guts' current breakdown for me a lot. While reading the Black Swordsman arc I was actually thinking that it felt like it was building up to Guts eventually being made physically helpless a la post-torture Griffith, what with all the comparisons to Vargas, the focus on Guts' lost arm and eye, and the malformed demon haunting Guts as another symbol of his weakness (before it was recontextualized as a demon fetus.)

But making Guts simply completely weak in comparison to Griffith instead works much better for the overall shape of the story, and serves the same theme.

I stlil think Guts' breakdown has been awkwardly written so far, but now I think part of that is because it's so far removed from the last time the theme of Guts' fear of failure was explored at all that it feels like it comes out of nowhere. It's practically a throwback. And honestly after re-reading these early chapters I'm a lot more into it. Like, it was satisfying to see, knowing this stuff is going to be picked up again and followed through on in some way.

Guts is now finally being forced to confront the fact that he's no different than Vargas, or any other human that could never hope to face a monster. His ambition was too great after all, so what's left but self-destruction? (Maybe through losing his humanity to the Beast of Darkness for a while?? Please? Like I did make that comparison to Griffith post-torture, and there have been other blatant parallels too I'm just saying.)

[randomfoggytiger]

Gillian Anderson: a Retrospective Glance

Gillian Anderson, in her own words.

The Short Route

May 7, 2006:

'I'm never satisfied. That's part of me, part of my make-up.'...

[On The X-Files] 'You know, early twenties, all the emotions, and I had a baby, and then a divorce, and I was on a brand-new series that was doing well, and all the publicity surrounding that, all the nonsense about David and I, and there were times when it was unbearable.' Hastily, humbly, she adds, 'And yet, I was so fortunate to be a part of something that was so exceptional. We did have fun.'

'I do try, very hard, to be happy where I am, I work extra-hard at it, but it's difficult for me, because what is around me is not enough.'

...She describes her current house as 'big and open and white. My... [there's a long pause, while she works out the correct term] husband liked white walls. I like white walls, too. A mixture of funky but mostly standard elements, contemporary, but classic. Then the one before that, off Portobello Road, I just went mad with colour. Spent an exorbitant amount of money on layers and layers of paint. Very funky, bohemian, Moroccan. One before that, in Canada, lots of wood and glass, looking out at the ocean, very grounding.' An eternal cycle of reinvention.

February 24, 2025:

It wasn’t until probably about 15 years ago, when I played Stella Gibson in The Fall, that I started to pay attention to fashion and beauty—the quality of her clothes, her sensuality, and how she put herself together. It was through playing her that I started to actually feel that paying attention to it felt good, and how good it felt to be in those clothes, connected to a sense of personal power because of how one presents. So, I feel like I’ve come to it quite late in my life, and it’s interesting that this opportunity would also come to me quite late in my life.

[During the early years]: Interestingly, Scully wasn’t connected to beauty at all. She wore a lot of single-color polyester pantsuits, which were made fun of by people, especially in retrospect. Scully’s style was a reflection of her character. She wasn’t trying to be glamorous or fit into traditional beauty standards. Her minimalist look and sharp, elegant clothes were a form of strength. It wasn’t about appearance; it was about being intelligent, strong, and independent.

...Back then, it felt less glamorous than it had in previous eras and less glamorous than it is now. But honestly, I prefer the glamour of today, if I’m being honest.

The Long Route

AMBITIONS AND PRIVATE LIFE

October 1994 (first interview):

EXTRA: O.K. are we ready. I'm going to ask you some extra questions from America Online and then we'll get to the other ones if we have time. Now are you a skeptic or are you a believer in the UFO?

GILLIAN: In real life? Oh in real life. Me as Gillian Anderson I have a tendency to be more of a believer than a skeptic. There certainly things that I am hesitant about but I have always had a fascination with some kind of a belief system with psychokinesis and E.S.P. and astro-projection and life after death and all that wonderful stuff.

1996:

Because the play in New York would have conflicted with other projects, Anderson opted to make a two-for-one swap and take the other two parts, doing the movie and then “The Philanthropist”. As it turned out, the latter ultimately led her to Los Angeles after she became involved with another actor on the show, following him to the West Coast and eventually moving in with him. “I’m not sure if I hadn’t made those choices that I would be doing The X-Files right now,” she muses. 

..."The X-Files”, in fact, was the only pilot for which Anderson auditioned in 1993, at that point possessing little knowledge regarding what the whole process entailed. She even had to ask her manager what a pilot was and had no idea that each network commissions about four times as many pilots as they end up ordering as series. “I naively assumed that we were going to be picked up,” she says, with the hope that landing the part and doing 13 episodes of a TV show (the number networks order for starters) would put her in a different echelon of casting. She anticipated at most committing a year to the project. 

May 19-25, 2001:

For the record: She was not originally blonde; she does have a dog, but it's a King Charles spaniel, not a Jack Russell terrier; and she has been nicotine-free for just over a year. "It isn't as hard as I imagined it would be," she says of kicking the habit. "I am in a state of grace with it."

A practicing Buddhist, Anderson seems to be in a state of grace with life overall. And although she enjoyed directing an episode of The X-Files, she says it's so time-consuming that she can't imagine doing it again until Piper is at least 16. But Anderson makes no secret of the fact that she's ready to move on. When her contract expires after next season, she wants to return to the stage.

January 22, 2006:

Anderson says she did take a year off to travel with boyfriend-now-husband Julian Ozanne, a photojournalist and filmmaker....

Anderson also engaged in charity work overseas, including with an organization called Artists for a New South Africa....

May 7, 2006:

She [Gillian Anderson] seems to have had it with theatre. 'Usually when I do a play - and this is why I don't do them very often - you start rehearsals, it's all great fun, then you get halfway through and you think, "...it's too hard, too stressful." And then you get over that and it's fine, and then you absolutely love it for a couple of weeks, and then you start thinking, "...is this ever going to end?" and then you realise it's not going to end and you have to make the best of every night. And then you start to learn again, and you do that for a little while... and then you get to the place where you're like, "...it's going to be over soon, and this is such a wonderful experience!"' She forks in some duck salad. 'I'm never satisfied. That's part of me, part of my make-up.'

...Gossip has had the pair [Anderson and Ozanne] splitting for a while; she put out the lawyers' statement in the hope that 'it might change the dynamic if people just knew it, outright'. In the expectation that you might be able to take back some control? 'One hopes so.' Anderson hails a waiter, asks if she's allowed to smoke in here. No, she's not. 'I don't know why, I'm dying for a cigarette....'

'You know, early twenties, all the emotions, and I had a baby, and then a divorce, and I was on a brand-new series that was doing well, and all the publicity surrounding that, all the nonsense about David and I, and there were times when it was unbearable.' Hastily, humbly, she adds, 'And yet, I was so fortunate to be a part of something that was so exceptional. We did have fun.'

'I do try, very hard, to be happy where I am, I work extra-hard at it, but it's difficult for me, because what is around me is not enough.' Four years ago, she went through a really good stage, she was 'really, really happy', and there's a long, dreamy pause while she drifts off, remembering this happy time, and then she comes to and says, briskly, 'Yeah, but I was doing loads of yoga and meditation. I was going to say I was eating wholefoods a lot, but I think I was living off frozen yogurt.'

...Her chief recreation is 'buying houses, doing them up, selling them up for a little bit more. Structurally, working with architects, interiors, I love that stuff. I've done it a lot. Twice in London, twice in Canada, twice in California.' Ah, that dissatisfied impulse again. I'll bet she's already starting to think about the sale of the marital home around the corner, and the next purchase.

She describes her current house as 'big and open and white. My... [there's a long pause, while she works out the correct term] husband liked white walls. I like white walls, too. A mixture of funky but mostly standard elements, contemporary, but classic. Then the one before that, off Portobello Road, I just went mad with colour. Spent an exorbitant amount of money on layers and layers of paint. Very funky, bohemian, Moroccan. One before that, in Canada, lots of wood and glass, looking out at the ocean, very grounding.' An eternal cycle of reinvention.

February 25, 2017:

There were occasions during that series [The X-Files] when I wasn’t sure whether I could go on. I started having panic attacks on a daily basis while we were shooting, around the time Piper was born. It was a mixture of not having dealt with childhood problems, the work being intensive, living in the spotlight and the expectation on me, as well as not knowing how to get balance or properly take care of myself. The panic attacks forced me to start practising meditation, just to eke out a tiny bit of space for myself, and that made it possible to continue.

Gillian and Clyde divorced after three years (she later said she had been too young and has encouraged her daughter to travel and ‘make the most of her life’ before getting seriously involved with a man), and she was briefly married to Julian Ozanne, a filmmaker. She then fell in love with Mark Griffiths, a businessman, with whom she has two sons, Oscar, ten, and Felix, eight.

Despite achieving fame on both sides of the Atlantic, she remained insecure: ‘For years I was very self-centred and focused on my body, my weight, and it caused so much sadness. That really moves me now, just how much of my younger life I missed out on because I was so focused on my thighs or my outfit; it was such a waste of time.’

Obsessing about appearance is part of the career she chose, Gillian concedes, ‘but it’s becoming the world we all operate in because of social media. Facebook and Instagram have made all women focus on how they look and how they’re represented.’

...Motherhood brought its own pressures, especially for Gillian, who finds the noise and chaos of young boys unbearable at times. Maybe other mothers have ‘tougher nerve endings’, she says. She does the ‘right thing’ and gets down to play Lego but ‘my kids can sense it’s not easy for me. I struggled when Piper was little as well. I remember getting restless and feeling this pressure that I should be doing something else, but when I was doing something else feeling this pressure that I should be with my child. It’s that constant tug of war…and I don’t think I’m alone with that. I try to be tolerant and patient. How I am in the house depends on my time of the month: I’m either embracing of the noise or it’s nails on a chalk board. But they know that it’s just Mum. There’s an acceptance and a lovingness.’

...‘Independence-wise being an only child is good, but there are traits that I have seen in other only children: being quite selfish, not really wanting to share. It’s taken a long time for me to push the boundaries of those and be less controlling, less protective of my world and my space.’

...Gillian saw a pattern with her partners: ‘I’d meet someone, instantly fall in love and spend every waking hour with them, but stopped doing the things I enjoyed doing, stopped taking care of myself. I adopted their interests, friends, music, tastes…before long I’d start to resent them, even though it was me who actively let myself go.’

After six years together, she and Mark split up (they didn’t marry) and she has used some of the experience of her dealings with her ex in her book. ‘A spiritual adviser encouraged me to start thinking of [him] as my “beloved”, that regardless of our separateness we will be raising two children together for the rest of our lives and that makes him one of the most important people in my life, whether I like it or not. As you can imagine, this is not easy, but the times I am able to communicate with him from a place of love and appreciation rather than resentment, or as he says “againstness”, the more my perception shifts.’

MOVING ABOUT THE GLOBE

“First of all, I swore I’d never move to Los Angeles,” she admits, “and once I did, I swore I’d never do television. It was only after being out of work for almost a year that I began going in [to audition] on some stuff that I would pray that I wouldn’t get because I didn’t want to be involved in it.” 

February 1998:

Born in Chicago to Rosemary and Edward Anderson, Gillian accompanied the family to Puerto Rico before settling in London, where her father studied film production. Her mother says she was adventurous and welcomed “new experiences.”

“One of my very favorite stories happened when we were in London,” Rosemary Anderson recalls. “It was her first day of nursery school. Her father was taking her down the stairs and she looked back up at me, saw my face and said, ‘Don’t cry, Mom.’ She was fine. I was not.”

After nine years, the Andersons returned to America and settled in Grand Rapids.

“By the time I was 11, I had been on 40-some planes,” the actress says, lighting another cigarette. “I remember my parents taking me to parties a lot. Running around, then falling asleep. Having my pajamas on and being carried to the car. … Some of my greatest memories are of them shoving me in the back of a VW Bug and sleeping on the way home.”

July 19, 1998:

The 1,000-mile commute was wearing him down. "We're [David Duchovny and Tea Leoni] like passing ships in the night because of our different schedules," he said at the time. His co-star Gillian Anderson supported the move, adding, "I love Vancouver. I think it's a beautiful city. But it is not and never has felt like home. Los Angeles feels like home."

1998:

During a brief break, Anderson, looking radiant in a long red cocktail dress, said she was invigorated by filming in Southern California.

“It’s really been going great, and the episodes are really good this season,” she said. “It’s really made a difference for me being here. I have a lot of friends and a great support system.”

Anderson added: “The sunshine does have a lot to do with my mood, feeling healthy and whole. It’s nice to sit out in the sunshine with my daughter.”

March 2001:

leolady19682001: Hi Gillian, how are you? when you're in London do you feel like you're coming home? or is living in London a distant memory?

gillian_anderson_live: I always feel like I'm coming home when I go to London. It's one of the places where I feel most at home. I hope to eventually live there, part-time, again.

November 8, 2003:

All I know is that for my whole life I have been pulled towards the African Continent. I was born in America, live in London and my heart is in Africa.

January 22, 2006:

Anderson says she did take a year off to travel with boyfriend-now-husband Julian Ozanne, a photojournalist and filmmaker. The two married in Kenya in late 2004 and have visited 30 countries in three years -- among them, Lebanon, Syria, India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Romania. Some of those places are considered risky travel destinations.

"They consider Beirut to be the Paris of the Middle East, and it certainly is," Anderson says. "It's a beautiful, beautiful city that also still shows signs of the devastation that has gone on for years and years. Every other building has blown-out windows. But it wasn't scary."

Anderson also engaged in charity work overseas, including with an organization called Artists for a New South Africa....

May 7, 2006:

She married Julian Ozanne - who was the FT's Africa bureau chief and is now a financial consultant and a director of a biofuels company - in Lamu's Shella island, off Kenya's Indian Ocean coast in December 2004.

...But she and Piper will remain in London? 'Yeah. For now. And maybe we'll be here in 20 years. Or maybe I'll fall in love with Spain. Or India. Who knows? Things are all changing right now.... '

August 2006:

Are you staying in London?

Yes, we [Gillian and Piper Anderson] are. We've been here for four years, so this is home - for now, anyway.

You grew up in the UK until you were nine and you live here now, and your daughter is growing up here, going to school here. Do you feel more British or American?

Neither. When I'm here, I'm conscious of having an American sensibility, but when I'm there I don't fit in, I feel more British. I have different conversations here. I meet people who are intelligent and well-informed and interesting, but there's more reluctance to be personal, to discuss the ways we feel and think. But it is changing. Even in the four years I've been here I've seen that begin to shift.

January 2016:

We made 202 episodes in the end, over nine seasons, and worked long 16-, 17-hour days.  David and I were in almost every scene for years - often at night, in the rain, on location.  So much of it was shot in the dark, with us lighting ourselves by flashlight, in all kinds of weather, and in the forest.  Oh, the forests.  When the show finally moved to Los Angeles I can’t say we missed them, or the weather, but Vancouver really did set the mood for the show in a fundamental way.  

FASHION AND SELF-IMAGE

July 10, 1998:

WHAT’S UP WITH SCULLY’S WARDROBE (I)? Not that we’re complaining, but when did the dowdy agent develop such killer fashion sense? Is it a side effect of alien abduction? “In the beginning of the series, I was into the frumpy FBI agent look, but I got tired of it pretty quickly,” Anderson says. “I’ve been paying more attention to my clothes. And with the movie, we had more money, so we could start doing things with Italian fabrics and stuff.”

August 2006:

Were you drawn to the Scully character - was she like you?

I did bring a lot of myself to her. I wanted her to be a different kind of character. It was more important to me that her dress sense was conservative and frumpy, that she was kind of awkward with that side of thing, it wasn't what she was about.

February 8, 2015:

Was she surprised to be voted sexiest woman on the planet? She answers in single-word sentences. “It. Means. Absolutely. Nothing. If you look at all the pictures of me back then I had the worst hair, I was the worst dressed, I never put any time or energy into how I looked in public, never put makeup on, never even got out of my house trousers.... So what’s it based on? It’s surely not based on Scully and her three-piece suit and her awkward hair and the pink pastel Lycra suit, so what is it?”

You?

“But no one knew me,” she protests.

She says it’s only over the past three years that she’s paid any attention to her appearance.

January 2016:

For the 2015 reboot of six episodes, the question naturally came up: to dye or not to dye?  My hair was already falling out from playing so many platinums (Stella in The Fall, Bedelia in Hannibal, Blanche in A Streetcar Named Desire), so “wig” was the answer.

Cut to day two of filming in the heart of downtown Vancouver (taking the role of Washington, DC), smack in the middle of lunch hour.  We were drawing crowds, and these days “crowds” means phones, photographs and instant internet activity.  A close-up of my hair was immediately posted online: “It’s not the right red!” (outrage); “The parting is wrong!” (disgust).  Fans ,who know more about the show than any of us making it, were spot on - they had been watching Scully right from the show’s beginning - and a new wig was made....

One thing that was going to be different this time around, though: Scully’s wardrobe.  During the original series, I had paid not a lick of attention to her style.  I had known that I wanted her to be homely, because I was determined to be a real actress who didn’t care about vanity.  But little did I realise that my lack of awareness would lead to years of bad hair and polyester suits.  To be fair, the show’s costume girl was great and was simply pulling outfits from what was on offer in the mid-Nineties: fabrics that I can’t even think of without shivers running up my spine; double-breasted suits and shoulder pads as big as a house.  Scully’s taste got better as the seasons went on, but it wasn’t really until the sixth season when we moved down to Los Angeles and a new team came on board, that I was forced to address the issue, head-on.  New, hipper clothes and a slicker haircut for Scully.  Even a leather coat, here and there.

This time around, after 13 years of creating other characters and realising that I not only have a say in how they appear but that I actually enjoy that part of the process - I have strong opinions about how my characters express themselves through clothes - I worked much more actively with The X-Files wardrobe designer Chris Hargadon to hone Scully’s style.  I had worked with Chris on Hannibal, in which he got to express his creative genius through Hannibal’s fine tailoring.

February 2019:

One morning a decade ago, Gillian Anderson started crying about the cruelty of ageing and didn’t stop until evening. “If you watch yourself on film, there is a certain point you see yourself... change. It’s arresting,” she says, sitting on a velvet sofa at home, dressed in black, her stiletto boots tucked under her, and with such fine features it’s as if she’s been drawn with a very sharp pencil. “It can either be completely traumatic or something that instigates a shift of consciousness towards thinking about what’s important. But you have to go through that trauma first, to mourn.”

Anderson takes a sip of tea. “The thing to remember is, how one looks in the mirror is the youngest one will ever look again. So you can’t do anything but celebrate it! Ageing is something we all need to find a way to embrace – the inevitability of age, of decline, of… rot.” She cackles, hearing herself, a well-attired goth contemplating death on a winter afternoon.

February 24, 2025:

...Interestingly, Scully wasn’t connected to beauty at all. She wore a lot of single-color polyester pantsuits, which were made fun of by people, especially in retrospect. Scully’s style was a reflection of her character. She wasn’t trying to be glamorous or fit into traditional beauty standards. Her minimalist look and sharp, elegant clothes were a form of strength. It wasn’t about appearance; it was about being intelligent, strong, and independent.

...Back then, it felt less glamorous than it had in previous eras and less glamorous than it is now. But honestly, I prefer the glamour of today, if I’m being honest.

FLUCTUATING INTEREST IN SCULLY AND THE X-FILES

1996:

Despite what she now calls her “very snobby view of doing television versus film,” Anderson read the pilot script for “The X-Files” and found herself immediately drawn to both the character of Dana Scully and her relationship with fellow FBI agent Fox Mulder. 

November 1998:

“It’s incredibly gratifying,” says Anderson of what it’s been like to play Dana Scully. “It would have been harder to stick with it were I not playing such an intelligent, such an interesting, and multidimensional character as Scully is. When I read the pilot, I was struck how unlike a TV script it was and, also, by how complicated and interesting the relationship was between Mulder and Scully. I think that more than anything,” she continues, “[it was] her intelligence and her strength in standing up to Mulder and feeling confident about expressing her beliefs in front of somebody who was touted as being near God in terms of his work at the FBI.”

November 2000:

And that's where the real push came in her contract negotiations, which hinged on her belief that her pay versus Duchovny's was too unfair. "At the end of the fifth year, it became just ridiculous and unacceptable that there was the disparity," she says. "So we took steps to remedy that and we were successful. Then there was the issue whereby I was already signed on for the eighth season and David was not, which put him in a better position. "He was in a better leveraging position," she says candidly.

"Therefore, in order to get what he felt was fair, he agreed to do the eighth season. Conversely, I had to do what I felt was fair. Fox was asking for a ninth season and I said no. "And they said, 'well if you're not going to do a ninth season then we're not going to pay you what you want.' So in order to negotiate fairly, I had to agree to do the ninth year."

"There's no two ways about it. I was over a barrel, a very big barrel. And it was uncomfortable, you know, to be in that position. Here's a company that I had worked so hard for for so long and I put a lot of time and energy into doing the best work that I could.

"For them to come to me and say, 'Well, you know, forget about that. This is what we need right now and we don't care what your needs are. This is what we need in order for you to be compensated,' it was unfair," she says without hesitation. "We worked it out in the end but it was incredibly uncomfortable and unfortunate."

Still, she did so begrudgingly. 

January-February 2001:

GA: ...I do think that over time, as I have changed and matured and gotten more comfortable with myself, so has Scully. And there's also a difference now that Mulder is temporarily gone. She seems more well rounded somehow. With Mulder around, there was always a piece of Scully that was...

Interview: Suppressed?

GA: Yeah, in a way. When you're in a relationship with someone, no matter how much you fight to maintain a sense of self, when that relationship is over, there's always a piece that comes back to you. And I fee that's kind of what's happened.

January 18, 2002:

The future of “X-Files” has been a topic around Fox for much of the last few seasons, as both Duchovny and Anderson expressed a desire to move on. Duchovny worked half of the episodes last season. And Anderson, who wanted to leave earlier in the show’s run, was contractually forced to work this year.

Like Anderson, viewers may already have had enough.

May 10, 2002:

Dave Letterman: What was it like when you got together to get ready to go for the final time there?

Gillian Anderson: Well, I think I expected it to be a lot more emotional than it actually was. Like a week beforehand I started saying this is the last day that we are filming at the studio; this is the last day that this person is going to touch up my lips; this is the last...you know, you start to take in those things. And after a while, you just go blank...it just gets kind of blank. And ah, ... blank. Kinda like I am right now, blank.

Dave Letterman: You did that to sort of protect yourself from the real emotions of it, you think?

Gillian Anderson: I think so. And I also think that it is somewhat unfathomable, you know. And I think that I am so used to the routine and I am also used to going on hiatus that probably come July, when I would normally go back, is when I'll start to feel it.

July 2002:

And now it's over, and she's not quite sure how she feels about that. "Don't get me started. I don't know why, but I woke up feeling so emotional today. It's so surreal.... it's only starting to hit me over the past couple of days. And it just feels like nine years was so short. You know what I mean? While we were in the middle of it I felt that it would never end, and now it's just all of a sudden... it just feels unfathomable. And that's all I have to say."

It sounds as if she might be having second thoughts about Chris Carter's decision, but ultimately she realizes this is the moment to call it a day. "No, no, no. I think ultimately that it's good to finish now. There's a time for everything to end, and I think this is the right time. I think it's good for everybody and I think that everybody has put in such a huge effort over the years in really trying to keep the quality of the show up and to continue with its integrity as much as it can. Now everybody in their own way is excited about moving on to other things. Both things can co-exist. One can be sad and in the process of mourning and at the same time be excited and hopeful for the future and change."

August 2002:

While many originally perceived The X-Files as being all about Mulder's quest, in the end, it was clear that the show was as much about Scully's quest as well. Cancer, abduction, infertility (and its mysterious reversal) were just some of the story threads that affected Scully directly. "I think the show certainly did start out just as Mulder's quest; the show was primarily about his character and his genius and his revelation. And Scully's job was to kind of help solidify that in the questions that she would answer."

Together, she adds, "they created a whole." The path toward having Scully carry as much weight in the stories as Mulder was a gradual one, though, she recalls, laughing. "It was 70-30, then 60-40, then 50-50.

In seasons eight and nine, the fact that the saga of The X-Files completed its morph into revolving around Scully's journey is something that Anderson feels, "happened by necessity, because of the fact that David was going to be leaving. And I think for the first year that he was gone, the writers did a very good job of keeping him in the public consciousness even though he wasn't around."

After two years of will-they-or-won't-they return false starts, the reality that the end is near has struck the red-haired actress full force. "I woke up feeling so emotional today," Anderson admits on a bright Friday afternoon, with just four more episodes -- including the show's two-hour finale -- still to shoot. "This is surreal. It's only started to hit me these past couple of days. It feels like nine years was so short. While we were in the middle of it, I thought it would never end. Now, all of a sudden, it's just unfathomable."

January 22, 2006:

Anderson says that nine seasons of the science-fiction/paranormal hit just sapped too much from of her real life. So stepped out of the Hollywood grind and headed to London, perhaps led by memories of a childhood spent there. She bought a house and met the man she married. "I know what it's like to do things that are soul-decaying," she says. "And a lot of, you know, a large aspect of life in Hollywood, in a stereotypic way, I find soul-decaying. And I choose, albeit frustratingly to other people in my life, not to expose myself to too much of that. And what that has translated into is that I live in a country that I absolutely love, in a city that I am awakened by and educated by on a daily basis."

...After tackling Edith Wharton and now Dickens, it's easy to imagine that she has a bookcase filled with Penguin Classics at home. But she was unfamiliar with Bleak House till she was approached for the project. Most of her upcoming work, she says, is contemporary. For her, it's all about good writing.

August 2008:

So, what's it been like pinning on your FBI badges again?

Gillian Anderson: It's been good. But hard work. It's been a long time since I've done such a long shoot – I've chosen things between three and six weeks, and this has been the first time for ages that I've done two-and-a-half months. David has a lot of physical stuff to do in the film, and I feel like on the one hand I've gotten off easy and on the other hand I'm still exhausted. I just feel old. (Laughs) ...The shoot was pretty gruelling on everyone. The cold, the long nights... Some of the crew were saying it was the hardest one they'd ever done. I got pretty sick, and at one point my son had scratched my cornea, so I was doing shots with a red eye and snot coming out of my nose. Look out for those ones.

A lot of fans were unhappy with the way it ended, which was, it has to be said, with a whimper rather than a bang. Do you concede that they have a point?

Anderson: You know what? By the time it was done I couldn't even have a conversation about it. I don't have enough of a perspective to say whether questions were answered or whether it was all wrapped up, and honestly, there's part of me that doesn't care. I'm sympathetic to die-hard fans who might feel left in short shrift, but...

Feb 2016:

Was it easy to convince you to film this new season?

I didn't like the idea at first. When we were shooting the show twenty years ago, we were young, grateful, ready to give it our all, and we had no personal lives. Today, I have three children, a husband, and various commitments. So the producers and Fox did everything they could to make things easier for me. And I signed on…

... I really liked the idea of ​​giving fans what they've been wanting for a long time. Namely, the return of the two heroes, but also all the ingredients that made the series a success, from its mythology to the "monster of the week" and its comedic aspects. There too, I think we succeeded in this challenge.

So The X-Files would definitely be a television series, not a movie franchise...

A series—as everyone in the audiovisual world agrees today—offers the freedom to develop a main plot, but also its ramifications, its characters, their connections, and many other aspects. Chris Carter, for example, explored throughout The X-Files a mythology and a subtle sense of irony that one, two, or even three movies cannot capture. All of this is reflected in the new series.

December 28, 2015:

...Anderson’s being back on The X-Files seems oddly seamless.

Indeed, she’s somewhat surprised it’s taken this long to happen. Along with Duchovny and X-Files creator Chris Carter, she always thought there could be a third feature film. “I think we realized that we needed to wrap up the story in some way,” she suggested. But “we got to a point where that was clearly not going to be possible.” Certainly not on TV, since neither actor could imagine going back to 20-plus episodes a year. But once networks began to see that short stacks of series could be a feasible formula, the three of them were ready to try.

January 2016:

Sure, there have been X-Files movies, but when the last season ended it seemed unlikely there would ever be a television series again.  Until recently, a new show would have meant making another 24 episodes - something not remotely possible for David or me.  So it wasn’t until TV networks became more open-minded about shorter series that it even became a possibility. David took the lead and ran with it, but it took me a while to catch up.  In other words: over my dead body.  But I reconsidered, and it suddenly started to sound as if it might be the only feasible way for us to achieve closure while giving the fans a taste of what they had been clamouring for.  Also, I figured it might possibly be quite fun.

...If we didn’t know it already by the time we wrapped this latest series, David and I were both profoundly aware of how lucky we have been.  How fortunate we are to have played these two characters who have had such an impact on television, defined a genre, found affection with so many people - and lasted for so many years.

February 22, 2017:

You don’t miss it at all, something that’s been a huge part of your life. And actually, life-changing?

Um. I wouldn’t say I miss it [The X-Files], no. I mean, there are other… things that I’ve done that I would say that I miss more. And I don’t know how much of it is because I played her for so such a long time that I… that it doesn’t feel…. It was long enough, in a sense. I miss… I would say I miss Blanche in Streetcar more than I miss Scully or even Stella from The Fall. Yeah, there are characters that I miss. 

April 4, 2024:

So does that mean Anderson, 55, will put her dark suit back on as FBI agent Scully to investigate more shadowy cases involving the paranormal?

“There’s a chance it will happen,” she said. “Whether I’m involved in it is a whole other thing. But in his hands — but I’m not saying no — because I think (Coogler) is really cool, and I think if he did it, it would probably be done incredibly well, and maybe I’ll pop in for a little somethin-somethin.”

November 2024:

A teenaged William became a key figure in the overarching Season 11 narrative, while Scully became a more passive character by the end of the season (leading to the announcement of yet another surprise pregnancy in the Season 11 finale). “It felt like Scully’s trajectory was no longer one of strength and agency,” Anderson said on the podcast. “It felt like it was beholden to an old idea of what a woman is… Literally all she could talk about was William and finding William. That’s literally a one-track song.”

Anderson also said that “I wasn’t really enjoying the direction that it was heading… and I didn’t have a voice in it. And so I felt like I needed to move on to something where I might have more of a voice.”

Additionally, Anderson and Duchovny touched on the fact that in 2000, Duchovny also quit the show without discussing it with Anderson first, something for which he took the opportunity to apologize. But she said that, “[At the time], I thought at first I thought, well, then we’re both going to [quit], because clearly I can’t go on without him. I don’t think I blamed you at all. I don’t think I was upset.”

April 16, 2025:

During his conversation on The Last Podcast on the Left, however, he [Ryan Coogler] was asked – half jokingly – about whether he had spoken to Gillian Anderson. He not only confirmed he had, but that he was “hopeful” something might come of it, which suggests a new series could well still feature the original characters in some capacity. This aligns with Anderson confirming to Today she had spoken with Coogler about the idea last year....

CONCLUSION

Gillian, like a phoenix, is apt to cyclical rebirth and redefinition.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[shuaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Enemies to lovers?

Hihiiii this is my first story and I had so much fun writing it^^~ this story randomly popped up in my head and I just had to hshs, hope you enjoy~~

Part 1 Part 2

2.1k words~

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

You were part of an exclusive club in your college with 13 others. Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, Junhui, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Minghao, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Hansol and Chan. You're close to everyone, except one. Jeonghan. He was a pain in the ass, he loved teasing you and getting on your nerves. You both loved bickering a lot and getting into unnecessary fights with each other. It happened often that the others were used to it. You guys were going on a trip to the beach as y'all managed to collect the club money and stuff.

All of y'all agreed to meet outside the college in the morning with your luggage. You were the second person to arrive outside the college after Jeonghan. You saw him and rolled your eyes, he didn't notice you as his eyes were glued to his phone. You adjusted your tote bag on your shoulder that was filled with your necessities and dragged your luggage to where Jeonghan was standing. "You're surprisingly early." you said to Jeonghan, not looking at him. Jeonghan eyes moved from his phone screen to you, taking in the view that was next to him. "I'm surprised you even showed up. Damn.. your outfit.." Jeonghan let out a whistle. You were wearing a white dress adorned with a playful cherry print. It has a fitted bodice with a gathered bust and thin adjustable straps. The waist is cinched, leading to a flared, short skirt that moves lightly with each step. You glared at him and took a step away from him, waiting for the others to come.

What seemed like 10 years (it was only 10 mins) all of y'all finally gathered up. "Is everyone ready to leave? The bus will be here in 2 minutes. Don't leave anything behind because this is a 3 hour trip, we won't be stopping for anything." said Seungcheol, the president of the club. Everyone nodded and talked amongst themselves while waiting for the bus. While you were scrolling through your phone, Joshua approached you. "You look really good in that dress" he complimented. You smiled "aw thanks Shua, you look really good in that outfit as well". As you were conversing with Joshua, from the corner of your eye you saw Jeonghan glaring at you both, which you found really weird but you shrugged it off.

After a while, the bus arrived. "Everyone settle down please" Seungcheol spoke, getting everyone's attention. "For this trip, everyone has a partner assigned to them. So wherever you go, you'll have to bring that person with you. So I'll announce everyone's name." Everyone turned to look at Seungcheol, "first up, Seungkwan and Hansol, Chan and I, Soonyoung and Jihoon, Seokmin and Joshua, Mingyu and Wonwoo, Jeonghan and Y/N." Seungcheol announced everyone's one partner. Everyone was satisfied except for Jeonghan and you. "Seungcheol, why would you do this to me?" You grumbled. Jeonghan rolled his eyes "just shut up and deal with it" he tsked, you glared at him before before groaning. "Okay enough, everyone get in the bus and sit next to your partner." Seungcheol ordered everyone.

The bus finally took off after everyone settled down in their seats next to their partners. your seat was placed all the way at the back, you were sulking because you still had to sit with Jeonghan. "You look stupid while sulking" Jeonghan who was already seated spoke, not looking up from his phone. "Shut up" you rolled your eyes and sat down on the seat next to him. "Seungcheol I'll never forgive you for this" you mumbled to yourself

For once Jeonghan wasn't actually bothering you, he was just minding his own business while listening to music. You decided to listen to some music too but your dumbass forgot to bring your earphones. "Could this day get any worse" you grumbled. Jeonghan eyes diverted to your devastated state, he scoffed "what happened now?" He asked, pausing his music and taking out one side of his earphones. "I left my earphones at home" you groaned, burying your head into your hands. Before Jeonghan could say anything, someone beat him to it. "Y/n, are you okay?" asked Mingyu, you shook your head "I left my earphones at home" you pouted. "Oh, wait let me check if I brought my spare-" "just share mine" Jeonghan cut mingyu off and placed the earphone he had in his hand into your ear. "but I don't listen to-" you tried speaking "just search up your playlist, I listen to anything" Jeonghan said nonchalantly as he passed you his phone. You were caught off guard by his behavior but brushed it off. You searched up your playlist and played it, you passed him his phone back. He hummed and looked out the window.

An hour passed and y'all were still on the road. You were getting sleepy, you tried resting against the seats but the road was bumpy and it was so uncomfortable. Jeonghan noticed and made you lay your head on his shoulder. Your eyes widened, you looked at him "what are you doing?" you asked. "Just shut up and sleep, you look like a zombie" he made you lay your head on his shoulder again. You wanted to say something but you were too tired, so you just kept quiet and rested on his shoulder. The music was still playing through the earphones and you dozed off on his shoulder. He looked over at your sleeping state and he felt his heart skip a beat, why was he feeling like this? Don't you both hate each other? Jeonghan's mind was flooded with all those thoughts. He brushed them off and laid his head on yours, slowly falling asleep.

Seungcheol walked up to both of your seats cause he wanted to ask Jeonghan a question. "Jeong-" he paused as he saw you both sleeping on each other's head. Seungcheol smiled and brought out his phone to take a picture of you both. He smiled as his plan worked, he made you both sit together so that y'all would get along. Seungcheol decided not to disturb you both and went back to his seat.

You slowly stirred in your sleep and looked around you, your eyes widened as you saw Jeonghan leaning on you. You shrieked and pushed his head a bit too hard resulting in him hitting his head against the window. Everyone turned their attention to you both. "What the fuck was that for?" Jeonghan asked as he rubbed his head, groaning. "Why were you resting on me?!" "I didn't realise, I was too tired. It's not a big deal." "It is a big deal!" You slightly raised your voice. "How is it a big deal? Besides I allowed you to share my earphones and lay your head on my shoulder" he looked at you with his eyebrows raised. You tried to say something but you just ended up turning red and kept quiet. Jeonghan smirked to himself as he saw your state.

"How long is it gonna take till we reach there?" Soonyoung asked, impatiently. "We'll reach there in 1 and a half hour time" Seungcheol yelled from the front seat. You groaned and slouched back into your seat. The music was still playing through his earphones that you were wearing. You looked over at Jeonghan who was sleeping peacefully, the sunlight glowing onto his flawless face. You couldn't help yourself but to just touch his nose. (Idk why but his nose is JUST so cute AHAHSJSSHSHSH) Jeonghan flinched and woke up, you were caught red handed.

Jeonghan looked at you with his eyebrow raised "mind explaining?" "Uh..." You trailed off, your face turned red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry" you said with your head down. He made you look at him by lifting your head with his finger "why are you sorry? You should explain why you touched my nose." He said in a slightly cocky tone. You were speechless, your face and ears were turning red. He noticed your flustered state and smirked, tucking your stray hairs behind your ear "you look like those cherries on your dress" he chuckled "you know, you're actually really cute but I don't know why you hate me" Jeonghan spoke, removing earphones from both yours and his ear.

You thought you misheard him, but no. "what..?" Your voice came out in a whisper. "You heard me right" Jeonghan says, maintaining eye contact with you.

He noticed that the bus was going into a tunnel. He looked around the bus to see if anyone was looking at y'all, but everyone was paying attention to other things or sleeping. "Fuck it" Jeonghan mumbles, you furrowed your eyebrows. The bus went into the tunnel, making your surroundings dark and you felt something on your lips. You froze. Yoon Jeonghan, the guy you apparently hate was kissing you.

You don't know what got into you but you kissed him back, closing your eyes. You must've caught him off guard by doing that. Jeonghan pulled away from the kiss as the bus got out of the tunnel, light filling the bus again. Jeonghan smirked as he brought his thumb to your lip "your lipstick smudged" he wiped the excess lipstick with his thumb. You let out a small squeak before hiding yourself into your hands.

"어? 부끄럽냐? You didn't seem shy when you kissed me back" Jeonghan whispered into your ear. You smacked his arm before hiding yourself into your hands again. "Ah" he rubbed the spot you hit. Throughout the whole ride, Jeonghan kept teasing you.

"Guys wake up, we're already here!" Seungcheol alerted everyone. You grabbed your bags and sprinted out off the bus. Jeonghan chuckled as he grabbed his bags as well. "Did you do something?" Seokmin asked Jeonghan. Jeonghan ran his fingers through his hair while smirking "nah nothing, may or may not have kissed her." "wHat-"

"Okay everyone gather up and stand next to your partner please" Seungcheol spoke. Jeonghan stood next to you, you took a small step away from him. He just smirked and turned his attention to Seungcheol. Seungcheol started announcing everyone's room number, "Jeonghan and Y/n, room 1004." You and Jeonghan nodded. "You all can go settle down in your rooms now, later at 6pm everyone has to gather up at the beach" Seungcheol dismissed all of y'all.

The walk to your room was silent, you were struggling to roll your luggage because of your goddamn tote bag that won't stay in place. You groaned as you adjusted the bag one last time, it was no use. Jeonghan looked over at you, one of his hands in his pocket as he dragged his suitcase. "Need help?" He asked. "No, I'm fine" you adjusted your tote bag again. "I know you're independent but you're clearly struggling" "let me be independent" Jeonghan snatches your luggage from you and dragged it with his, walking to your room. "hEy-" you caught up to him "you don't have to help" "shut up" "ok"

You both reached the room that was assigned to you both. You unlocked the door with the card given, your jaw dropped. "There's only one bed" "what". You entered the room and so did Jeonghan, you closed the door behind. "I'm gonna ambush Seungcheol." You threatened "I honestly don't mind sharing" Jeonghan spoke as he placed yours and his luggage aside. You raised your eyebrow "no it's okay, I'll sleep on the couc-"

"no"

"what do you me-"

"no"

"Stop cutting me of-"

"no, we're sharing the bed and that's final."

You rolled your eyes "fine, whatever."

"I'm gonna shower first" you said, getting out your towel from your luggage. Jeonghan hummed as he laid on the bed, using his phone. You went into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

Jeonghan kept his phone down as he heard the shower running, he placed his arm over his forehead. He was thinking about the kiss you both shared, he couldn't help but smile. Damn, he wanted to kiss you again. He was too deep into his thoughts and didn't realize that you were calling out to him. When you came out of the bathroom, You were wearing a cream coloured dress which had lavenders on it, the dress had bow-tie straps and slightly exposed your cleavage.

Jeonghan looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening and immediately his eyes widened, noticing the dress you were wearing and how good you looked in it. He stayed quiet for a few seconds, until you yelled out his name and told him to shower, “A-ah yeah I’ll do that now….” He said as he quickly got up from the bed, trying to hide how flustered he was, trying to keep his cool as he walked into the bathroom. He got into the shower and tried to push away the images of you.

[bootswiththefir]

firewatch is such a beautiful story, and I think it's sad that it goes unappreciated by so many. but also funny. hilarious, actually. because all of the most common criticisms of its narrative present such a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is, that they feel like an extension of the game's story.

the game is, in my reading, primarily about escapism. the pov character, henry, has been losing touch with his wife, who has early onset dementia, and understandably wants to just run away to the woods for a few months. the other major characters show different extremes of escapism: the healthy delilah has done firewatch each summer for years, and keeps it clearly divided from her normal life, but when reality came crashing down on the unhealthy ned goodwin, he rejected it, and chose to disappear into the wild for years.

in the wild, henry seeks an entirely new life. that's why he's so adverse to talking about his wife, and starts getting flirtatious with delilah. and for a time, he is given that new life. it's exciting! an adventure! most clearly through what seems to be a government conspiracy slowly piecing together.

but the most interesting part of the game is how it subverts this. towards the climax, mysteries begin resolving themselves; the intrigue of Secret Government Stuff proves too good to be true. much like ned, henry is forced to face reality. even if he tries to cling to his new life, and connect with delilah in the broader world, she rejects him. she urges him to instead return to julia. it isn't clear exactly what choice henry makes, but he inevitably returns to his normal life (a nice touch I like is the visual resemblance of the credits sequence to the introductory exposition of henry's relationship).

the game's ending so clearly, so intentionally does not satisfy what it was setting up, and common critiques of the game refuse to recognise the beauty in that. this subversion demands that any reading be reconsidered to accommodate the ending, but far more often it isn't respected: subversion is not seen as a story being recontextualised, it is a failure to fulfil the reader's expectations.

much discussion around the game is rooted in wanting more. maybe if I take the right pictures I can prove the conspiracy. maybe if I'm quick enough in the ending I can speak to delilah in person. by refusing to consider what the ending is, and instead focusing on what it could be, a lot of players fall into henry's exact mental trap. they look for more at the firewatch - cling to the new life - but unlike henry, they refuse the call of reality. they hide away in the woods, searching for the secret delilah sex ending. they resemble ned far more than henry.

like an ambiguous ending, a subversion forces the reader to engage with the text. what firewatch unfortunately proved is that a lot of gamers aren't ready for that.

[absolutebl]

Hi P'ABL! I have a bit of a niche request/challenge for you - and no worries at all if you aren't willing!

I've been thinking about what makes for a good kiss in a QL, and I realized that my favorites are usually very emotionally satisfying... but why are some more satisfying than others, what's the common denominator? Sometimes it's a needed release of tension, or a shared moment of happiness, or a cathartic reunion of sorts... there are a lot of story elements at play for good kisses, I found.

So then I thought about character dynamics, instead. In many onscreen relationships, there is The One Who Pursues and The One Who Resists, for various reasons. I recently finished To My Star 2, and for ~*~no reason at all~*~ (cough episode 4 coughcough) I got curious about other series in which The One Who Resists initiates a kiss.

So that's my question/request - what are some of your favorite kisses in which The One Who Resists initiates it? <3

Turn Table Kisses!

I actually talk about this kind of kiss in the post I did about chemistry, I can't remember what I called it, lemme check...

According to that, this kiss usually falls under The Sudden Kiss category (uke-to-seme variation) and it's not all that common. I like it a lot. It often happens when the uke is super tsundere, or in hyung romances because the uke (being older) is more experienced and will suddenly decide to take the lead (I'm a little sad we never got it in ThamePo - but I appreciated Po's hungry hands almost as much).

Off the top of my head some early iconic versions are:

SOTUS

Love Sick

Why R U?

My Top 10 personal favorites are:

We Best Love (the crying, the bridge, what's not to love?)

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line (should probably go in the iconic section)

Semantic Error (also iconic)

Hidden Agenda (one for the ages, the best thing in this whole show is Zo's grab & kiss and then shove back into the hallway and then Joke's reaction)

Bad Buddy (of course, more a surprise response but still counts)

Love Tractor (hyungs gonna hyung eventually)

A Breeze of Love (of course)

Jun and Jun (his little whimper!)

My School President (the surprised face)

Our Dating Sim (that stolen kiss and giggle is life affirming)

There should be more Taiwanese stuff here but they are so weak in seme/uke most of the time it's hard to call as such. They also tend to play about with and and flip the power dynamic a lot and kiss a lot - reasons I love Taiwanese BL so much. This weakens the emotional impact of that sudden flip/flop major surprise kiss! moment, which means while I'm sure they happen in Taiwanese BL, I don't remember them all specifically as such.

Oh wait!

How could I forget?

My Tooth Your Love!

(source)

[transformersconfessions]

The more I get *deep* into other continuities like G1 (most people have not watched all of G1 bc it's so long, even tho the most interesting worldbuilding concepts are late S2+S3), Marvel comics, the shortlived IDW2, even Skybound (which doesn't have as much active discussion as you'd think) the less I am satisfied by "continuity soup" and ill-defined, amorphous fanon settings. That isn't to say I'm against mixing details or coming up with original stuff, some of the best fanfics do that, but more that there are genuinely a lot of really interesting concepts that grip the imagination throughout the franchise (esp if you like scifi) that have a TON of transformative potential.

I don't blame anyone for not being a superfan or wanting to delve that deeply into the franchise tho, it's more like a self-inflicted curse because I have so many characters I love and rarepairs that are mainly "rare" because no one has experienced what they're from. Like Octane and Sandstorm are a rarepair (they have 21 tagged fics! <- I say trying not to be greedy), but they aren't a crackship, they had an episode in G1 focusing on them together. I love SkyStar, but it makes me think that if it wasn't for Fire in the Sky being really early Season 1, it wouldn't have gotten as huge as it is today. It's like a flashbang of yaoi for anyone starting their G1 watch journey, whereas by the time you get to the episode Starscream's Ghost you have to be someone dedicated enough to not be scared away by the killing of most of the S1 cast including Oppy, the AKOM animation, the time sink of watching 75 eps if you haven't skipped any..etc. Even tho the idea of a Decepticon getting exiled and then going on a lunch date with an Autobot who tries to protect him from other Decepticons is so slashy!

I have come to the conclusion I must muscle up and start writing myself 🫡 I can only hope that my stuff will be good enough to get ppl invested 🙂‍↕️

*

[terapsina]

Now that the writers and actors strike is about to begin being felt (and as we wait for those greedy billion dollar companies who are refusing to negotiate fair pay and conditions to give up) here's 10 of my favorite (all around best) fully finished older series you should definitely check out if you haven't watched.

I mean it, these are the shows with continuously great writing and a satisfying endings that manage to actually deliver on their promises.

-----

1. Leverage - (containing 5 seasons, or 77 episodes) - trailer here.

Hitter, Hacker, Grifter, Thief and Mastermind. Heists and cons. Stealing from the rich and giving to their victims. They provide... leverage.

Meant for anyone who enjoys bad guys being the best good guys, who will burn down the lives of evil CEOs and then gloat in the background. Very satisfying.

Hands down the best example of a found family trope I've ever seen on screen. Barring none.

2. Killjoys - (containing 5 seasons, or 50 episodes) - trailer here.

Space Bounty Hunters. Another case of found family trope. Bisexual space princess assassin. Quippy sentient ship. Green alien goo. Evil lesbians (but like... in a good way). The warrant is all.

More seriously though, it's a story about three killjoys and the bounties they go after. Initially. And then they have to save the entire Quad from some very terrifying... stuff.

Contains one of the best friendships I've ever seen on television.

3. Orphan Black - (containing 5 seasons, or 50 episodes) - trailer here.

Found family trope but with clones.

Low level grifter sees a woman who looks exactly like her kill herself and plans to take over her identity long enough to cash out. Except then there's two other women who also look exactly like her. And apparently they're all clones and someone's killing them.

Enter a global conspiracy. Human experimentation. Lots of clone shenanigans. Some serial killings. And a few murders 💖.

4. Person of Interest - (containing 5 seasons, or 103 episodes) - trailer here.

Okay I'm beginning to see how I might have a found family trope issue.

Former CIA agent gets recruited by a reclusive billionaire computer programmer who developed a... machine that can predict acts of terror before they happen. But it also predicts 'irrelevant' acts of violence that will result in someone's death.

Unless someone interferes.

I'd really like to spoil some stuff to get you all to watch this one. But I'm going to maintain self control and just mention that early on they get a dog named Bear. Bear is a very good boy. Watch it for Bear.

Also for excellent commentary on rights of privacy, government surveillance and what does 'greater good' even mean? But mostly Bear.

5. 12 Monkeys - (containing 4 seasons, or 47 episodes) - trailer here.

The very best time travel show out there. What starts out as a confusing mess of causality basically exploding, by the end of the series all makes complete and total sense.

(when that final timey-whimey loop slid into place and revealed the entire pattern it was like a choir of angels started singing in the back of my head. It was freaking glorious).

Anyway, a man from a post apocalyptic future travels into the past to stop a plague from decimating nearly the entire world population.

He has the name of the man who released the virus and it's supposed to be a single trip. One trip. One bullet. Simple. Done.

Except then things keep escalating, and escalating until time begins eating its own tail and it might start looking like the end of the world might be a better ending than erasing all of time and space from reality.

Because when our guys screw it up, they screw it up GOOD.

And oh yeah... found family.

6. The Good Place - (containing 4 seasons, or 53 episodes) - trailer here.

A self-proclaimed Arizona dirtbag opens her eyes and finds out that she's dead and got accepted in the Good Place. Except that as soon as she arrives the Good Place starts glitching, and she really, REALLY needs to become a better person before she can be found out and kicked out to the Bad Place.

Luckily her assigned soulmate was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy.

One of the funniest, most thoughtful and clever comedies I've ever watched. Ever. The characters are delightful and by the time the final minute rolled around I had sobbed my heart out multiple times (which, as we all know, is a sign of the very best comedies out there).

As for the question of whether or not this too contains Found Fami- Yes! Obviously, yes.

7. Avatar: the Last Airbender - (containing 3 seasons, or 61 episodes) - intro here (couldn't locate the trailer but it's basically the same thing in this case).

The four nations lived in harmony. Until the Fire Nation attacked.

It's been a hundred years since the beginning of the war when two kids from the Southern Water Tribe find a boy frozen in ice and wake him up. A boy who's able to bend all four elements... though not very well.

Enter multi-nation flying road trip (thank you Appa, we love you most of all) as they try to find teachers for the Avatar and save the world.

Includes found family (shut up), amazing fight scenes, the most heartfelt and vivid characters ever, and the best example of a redemption arc actually done well.

8. Love Between Fairy and Devil - (containing 1 season, or 36 episodes) - trailer here.

This one gutted me. I'm saying this as a compliment. But it had to be said. Completely destroyed me. I just haven't been the same.

A love story between an Orchid Fairy and the leader of the Moon Tribe that starts out with her accidentally releasing him from millennia long imprisonment and then takes you through the caleidoscope of all possible human emotions (it's a body-swap comedy through the first part, then a romcom, then a dramatic romantic tale, and finally a tragic love story).

But it's such a satisfying slow burn.

And it carries this... humanity through the whole thing that makes it so visceral.

If you're a romantic who's very tired of instalove and characters dropping all their morals because 'ooh, attractive person' then you've got to watch this. Because this story does NOT take the easy road there.

(my more extensive rec for this series can be found here)

9. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - (containing 7 seasons, or 133 episodes) - fanmade trailer here (it was better than any of the official ones).

This series did so much. Introduced Ahsoka Tano, and made us love her. Gave names and faces and souls to the Clone Troopers (okay, it's the same face but you know what I mean), to a point where their endings during Order 66 destroyed me just as much as the ending of the Jedi Order. And somehow made me both love Anakin AND be a million times more angry with him.

There are some arcs in this series that might be a bit weaker. But there were some... god, there's a reason I love Clone Wars more than any other series or trilogy in this universe. And I'm not even a little ashamed to say it.

Must watch for Disaster Lineage shenanigans; for the vod'e; AND for the Jedi (who did their best okay? They always did their best 😭💔).

(and on the subject of found family... do I even need to comment)

10. Nikita - (containing 4 seasons, or 73 episodes) - trailer here.

A rogue assassin that escaped Division - covert government agency that takes recruits out of prison, fakes their deaths and then forces them to become spies and assassins - has come back to take it down. Brick by brick if she has to. With guns and explosives too when that works better.

Contains soooo many cool fight scenes. Is full of incredible characters you'll fall in love with (and hate with) very quickly. And most of all has an incredibly complex relationship of mentorship and friendship between two women that holds both great admiration and betrayal, real care and love as well as rage and hatred, forgiveness, mutual respect and an unbreakable kind of bond that so very rarely involves even one female character on TV, let alone two.

(as usual, found family tropes up the wazzoo).

-----

In conclusion. We all know there's going to be a large space between seasons of our favorite shows now (and some shows that aren't going to survive it). Let's fill that space with some excellent TV we haven't had a chance to see yet.

And direct the blame for the wait towards the right place (i.e. the studios).

[bountycancelled]

rating how SEVENTEEN would react if you wore revealing clothes in front of the members (maknae line edition)

hyung line version here

genre: rating-headcanon hybrid, suggestive ig, gn reader

requested: nope, but reqs are open (just look at my masterlist to see who I write for♡)

warnings: suggestive stuff and delusionality (seriously, this is the most delusional piece of work I have ever written)

a/n: after going ghost for like half a year, I'm back! I'll be sure to be more active this time around, so pls request if you want me to write about something 🙏

minghao

(desperately trying to fight the urge to give him an 8/10) 6.8/10. thinks he's calm but really isn't.

takes great pride in being the only one to get to see you in more risqué attire, so is a little (a lot) jealous when he sees you walk down the stairs to greet the members.

his lips press together in that middle aged white man frown i hope yall know what the fuck im talking about CAHSSVH but he knows the members arent going to try anything with you so its all good

except its not all good because now hes distracted

teases you throughout the whole night, neck kisses, whispering what hes gonna do to you when the members leave, smirking at you BLOOD OF JESUS so that YOU end game night early instead of him (he has an image of peace and serenity to keep up and being needy for you in front of everyone would destroy it lol)

mingyu

-100009999000000/10. please do not even attempt to wear anything even remotely revealing in front of him unless you want a certain reaction.

sees what you're wearing before anybody shows up and begs you to cancel so that he can cough cough hold hands in bed with you for the whole night.

when the members walk in and see him on his knees, hugging your legs and damn near crying, they think nothing of it cause its mingyu and game night ensues.

cue mingyu glaring at everyone who touches you, doesn't matter if its accidental or if its just to give you the dice when it's ur turn to roll, they're getting stared DOWN.

also cue mingyu staring at you with his eyes glossed over and his mouth open like a squirrel staring at an accorn, and practically needing to be punched in the gut to pay attention to anything but how sexy you are.

also also cue mingyu ending game night like an hour and a half earlier and throwing you over his shoulder, barely having enough self-control to make it up the stairs (good luck soldier, it's gonna be a long night)

dokyeom

a solid 7.8/10. bless this mans heart, he would not do anything even remotely territorial or jealous after seeing what your wearing. it actually warms his heart that you feel comfortable around the members because they're truly like a 2nd family to him.

ever the charmer he is, he'll make sure to compliment you with a hand on your waist and a kiss to your cheek as you greet the members coming through the door (idk about you but imagining seokmins hand across my waist WHEW-)

since dokyeom is usually touchy with you, it serves as no surprise that he would be even more so with more revealing clothes, but he can still find it in himself to focus on the game.

but now YOU'RE distracted by his soft touches, barely even able to contain yourself or focus on anything but his hand trailing up and down your side.

neither of you end game night early, and when the time comes, everyone bids you two goodnight and does the separate ways. cue you jumping on dokyeom and him gladly carrying you to your shared bedroom. (what you don't know is that he was PURPOSEFULLY distracting you the entire time, and he is definetly dawning a self-satisfied smirk as he closes your bedroom door)

seungkwan

-666/10. you have chosen the wrong boyfriend to try something like this with, and he will make it very known.

gives you the meanest stank eye known to mankind, seething with jealousy as you make your way downstairs. (this man is literally grinding his teeth, you have created a monster-)

dedicates the entire game night to making your experience as lackluster as possible. I'm talking he'll make you lose every. single. game. every. single. round. without fail. doesn't matter if he's on your team or not, he's just that petty.

the members obviously aren't oblivious to seungkwan's sudden beef with you, but be it them thinking its funny or them not wanting to be another one of his targets, you're on your own soldier.

the only thought in his mind right is how DARE you look this good in front of anyone on the planet earth but him? where is duty? where is honour?? where is sacrifice??? (you and him just binged House of the Dragon, hence his dramatic mood)

game night ends early on account of the rest of the group feeling as though you and seungkwan need some alone time to solve this one-sided conflict. as soon as they leave, seungkwan acts all coy, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes when you say you know just how to make it up to him. as if this isn't what he wanted the whole time lol.

vernon

2/10. this guy won't even bat an eye at your choice of clothing for game night, whatever makes you comfortable is always going to be okay with him. you don't need his approval and he's aware and is perfectly fine with that.

and that's all good and well, except this time you were purposefully trying to make him jealous, so seeing his reaction (or lack there of) kind of bums you out.

don't get him wrong, it's not like he doesn't think you're attractive (you're the most beautiful human he's ever laid his eyes on) but he does not even register your outfit as you walk down the stairs, let alone get jealous in any capacity.

game night starts and finishes exactly how it always does, and when it's all over, as the members are saying their goodbyes to you two, jeonghan makes a slightly suggestive comment on your outfit, which you brush off with a wave of your hand.

it is only at that moment, after jeonghans comment, that vernon realises that your clothing is more revealing that what you usually wear in front of the members. (when I say this man is oblivious, I mean that shit)

"you look good." is all you get from him, as he walks past you and walks up the stairs and turns back to you, confused as to why you aren't following him.

all I'm saying is, if you want... attention from this man, you have to tell him upfront. because trust me, once he knows exactly what you want, he'll have no problem giving it you ;)

dino

–infinity/10. you don't wanna mess with him, cuz he's a jealous, jealous, jealous boy. if he- lemme cool with the lana lyrics but you catch my drift.

as soon as he sees your outfit, he pulls out his phone and texts on the groupchat that game night is cancelled because of "unforseen circumstances." whatever the hell that means.

he will shower you in compliments, his eyes filled with admiration for you. cue you getting kisses all over your face, and when you ask him when the boys are coming for game night, he'll simply trail his kisses a little lower, aiming at your neck to distract you and it works

at some point during your, ahem, devil's tango with Dino in your shared bedroom (he carried you there because in his words, "someone who looks as good as you should not need to lift a finger, let alone walk up a flight of stairs." okay chivalry!) you both hear a knock on the door.

it's the members, worried that one of you had gotten hurt or something which is why game night was cancelled. Dino is as red as tomato when he sees them, stating that you had hurt your ankle and that you weren't really up for game night tonight. the story would be believable if Dino wasn't sweating like he just ran a marathon, and if you weren't wearing such a sexy outfit.

but hey, you're limping as you walk down the stairs to greet the members, so maybe that'll make it all the more believable. (news flash, it makes it less believable, but Dino shoos them out effectively anyways, carrying you back to your room with a quickness, he's not done with you just yet LORD HAVE MERTHY)

thats it, i hope you enjoyed and redoing my permanent taglist, so I'll add you if you send an ask♡

[nymphia-tarot]

✞︎ All About Your Past Life 🦢🩶

pile 1 ----> pile 2

pile 3 ----> pile 4

🕊️ meditate on the pics and pick whichever one calls to you the most. you might feel drawn to more than one pile, which means you may have messages in other piles for you as well! if you don't feel particularly drawn to any pile, the messages in this reading might not be intended for you. since this is a general reading, take what resonates! 🕊️

🩶Pile 1

For my pile 1s I'm getting a lot of yall had very hard and stressful lives 😭 You might have faced a lot of societal and systematic problems which kept you worried throughout your life. With the world rx I'm getting that yall were deeply unsatisfied with the way your life progressed in the past and that there were a lot of regrets and unfulfilled wishes in the end. You were very intelligent and clever and it helped you survive the tough times though you might've been denied of a formal education due to your background and were kinda inhibited in a way from reaching your full potential. But from some of you, I'm getting that you did get to pursue the field you wanted initially but it didn't pan out due to practical issues and you had to abandon your own happiness. For some of you, I'm getting like street thug or thief? Where you were involved in illegal stuff and did a lot of questionable shit to survive and in the end it cost you a lot. I'm getting overall that money was a big issue in your life. However, you guys were very mentally strong people who had a "come what may" attitude towards hardships because you were so used to it.

You might've been in love with someone (I'm getting a woman) of high status in society but you couldn't dare to court her due to the difference in your social positions. For your career, it's like no matter how hard you worked it was extremely difficult to get to where you wanted and you might've also been burdened with the worries of feeding and supporting you family because you were the primary provider. Eventually, you ended up in a conventional marriage, probably arranged too, but you were never satisfied with your spouse truly. You always yearned after someone else (the lady mentioned earlier?) and couldn't give your heart to your spouse fully. For some of you guys, I'm getting you were a woman forced into a marriage with someone you didn't love just to provide for your family and fell in love with someone else (a foreign man I'm seeing) and tried to elope but it caused a huge scandal and you ended up homeless and abandoned.

You might've lived during a time where the economic situation and all wasn't really the best and the common folk were always under the worry of starving the next day. I'm getting like, a cold place too? You had to give up a lot of your dreams for the sake of either other people or due to the bad luck handed to you during your lifetime. It's like you lost sight of your purpose in life at the end and ended up deeply unhappy.

🩶Pile 2:

[TW: mentions of abuse‼️⚠️]

Pile 2, I'm getting you guys grew up in an affluent or well-off family. Probably like upper middle-class or something. Many of you guys' fathers were probably some rich businessman/trader. However, I'm getting that you guys had very unhappy childhoods. For some, I'm getting you guys were orphaned early due to an accident and may have been in grief for a long time. The trauma might've stayed with you guys for a good amount of time and it deeply affected you future interactions and capability to have relationships. For others, I'm getting like childhood abuse? By a male figure, or bullying by the rest of your family members, and it deeply impacting your self-confidence. As an adult, you might've closed your heart off entirely but deep down your biggest wish was a desire for a genuine connection free of deception, and true love. You guys were genuine romantics at heart. I'm getting that you guys in pile 2 didn't really marry at all and that romance wasn't really a big part of your life.

Spirituality was a major part of life for some in this pile and you guys might've become nuns that swore a vow of chastity or just some other religious/spiritual figure who inspired and taught people. My pile 2s are very nurturing and gentle souls deep down and it seems like people may be drawn to your warmth and caring personality. You guys provided comfort to a lot of people in your past life. Even if you weren't a religious figure, I'm getting that you were in some sort of position where you took care of people like a nurse or something. After a certain point in your adult lives, you guys took to travel: for some it was a spiritual journey, for others it was just a normal journey to aid those in need and help the impoverished in society like maybe social workers. You guys had innate spiritual gifts and intuition and your purpose in life was to help people. Very kind souls overall. Many people might've looked to you as a wise and knowledgeable figure in your later years and you became a symbol of knowledge and learning in your community. You might have even travelled from place to place to spread your knowledge and aid people.

In this life, a lot of you guys in pile 2 might be very passionate and dedicated individuals with a zest for life. Maybe a water sign too? Or like prominent water placements in chart. I feel like your past life purpose carried over to your current one as well and you might be very spiritual and intuitive people. "Learn to let go of your fears and let loose" is what I'm hearing?

🩶Pile 3:

Pile 3, It seems a big theme surrounding the energy of your past life was a certain lack of control you had regarding your destiny and choices. You might've been born to a life where you were put under heavy obligations and duties because of your position. You must have felt really restricted and burdened, as if there are eyes all over you, and pressure from everywhere, to the point you felt really burdened and suffocated. You might have been born at a time and place where there was a lot of upheaval and chaos and you were a key figure regarding the events, or at least you played a part in maintaining the balance of the situation no matter how small. For a huge part of your life, you might have been a part of a "higher order" (whatever that means) where you had to maintain a strong front. Perhaps there was a lot of conflict involved in your era and you were forced to participate or mitigate the issue. For some, I'm getting you had a very strict and controlling maternal figure in your life who made all your choices for you and shoved you into the path you were headed without really giving you any free will. And fir some, I'm getting a vindictive and malicious feminine figure of authority who posed as a thorn throughout your life.

There seems to be a lot of trickery and manipulation surrounding your relationships in this past life reading. Perhaps due to your position, there were a lot of malicious individuals who coveted your downfall. There were a lot of lies, backstabbing and secrecy involved in your interpersonal relationships, most likely due to the chaotic situation fate had handed to you. It was as if you could never fully trust anyone around you with your back. Due to these complications, it seems you never really found someone to commit yourself to.

One of your biggest desires in your past life that went unfulfilled was a desire to take charge and carve out your own path by yourself. You had to live in constant worry and fear of betrayal and death. Quite a lot of you in pile 3 were those who had a more creative streak to you and maybe what you really desired was to start a business of your own or to pursue the arts. A lot of you ended up as martyrs in your life which was the necessary step to pave the path for everyone's happiness but it ultimately made you sacrifice your own. I'm getting a lot of you also just wanted to live a life if simplicity in a small-scale area or community, away from the burdens of your position. An advice spirit is telling my pile 3s is to "drive out the negative influences and to take back your power".

🩶Pile 4:

Whoo pile 4 you guys are the most "tame" pile so far in the sense that you guys probably led the "happier" life compared to the other piles lol. The other piles' energy were so heavy 😭

I think my pile 4s were leading relatively simple and cosy lives but I'm getting that work/career was a significant source of stress for you guys in your lives. You guys were hard workers who probably worked in a job where you had to collaborate with or meet a lot of people. Maybe you guys were severely burnt out by your work to the point you felt your spark diminishing. Or perhaps life was so easy that you felt bored and wishing for adventure and excitement. You guys were very grounded and stable individuals however. I'm getting there might have been a lot of workplace drama in your lives though. Your co-workers may not have had your best interests at heart and you might have gotten cheated or manipulated by them. I'm getting workplace injustice. They took advantage of your kindness and giving nature and used it to exploit you. You might have even gotten framed for something you had no hand in and had to suffer for it.

You were, however, very loved and abundant when it came to suitors and friends. You might have even gotten a lot of love offers and proposals. You eventually ended up in a happy marriage with a very sensitive and emotionally mature person who cared a lot for you. I'm getting Aquarius vibes? Your spouse had a lot of love for you in their hearts and was someone who was willing to dive deep into anything for your sake.

I'm getting that a major issue surrounding your past life is work-life imbalance and diminishing creativity/passion. You guys might have been depressed at some point too. Perhaps you were chained to a very conformist lifestyle where you did not get to have a lot of fun. An advice I'm hearing from spirit is to guard your possessions and be wary of whom you give to. Don't just let people take what's yours freely and be open to what's different from the norm from time to time.

[tenjikufag]

Got to thinking, a thunkle-ing if you will; not so a request but me chucking a ball of something at you and getting opinion

So, I've seen lots of fics where the reader is already familiar with the fun times, Laios opposite to them

I LEGITIMATELY would like to think if both were virgins that their first time would more so be, scientific and nerdy LMAO in the best way means

Idk, feel like it'd be a odd thing of, Laios is book based, on how it goes or the "effects", reader more-so through word from other folks (probably same w/Laios but eh), but it turns more into a poke and prod session than anything 'what's this do? Oh cool wowzas' but fun no less

That, or I'm easily swayed into getting all science-y and stuff XD

OOOO I like this idea and I’ve thought about it atleast a handful of times!!

Read under the cut! AMAB anatomy used. Switch!Laios and Reader !! NSFW, MDNI

Virgin Laios is sooooo realistic, far more than him having any experience imo- come on, the man’s social queues are barely there to have friendships outside of falin and the party; definitely not getting anywhere near romantic or intimate until it came to you.

Virgin YOU, oh you guys are fun to write. I adore when I get to write you guys as pent up little freaks.

The two of you being nerds and barely working up to being partners is one thing, intimacy is a whole other ball game! As you mentioned, he would look at it like an “experiment” of sorts. I have no doubt that he’d acquired a couple porn mags/books from browsing the romance section with Marcille- he’s an all around learner but visuals are always nice!

The faint arousal he’d feel reading said smut (all in the name of research) is about as close as he gets to actually touching himself before he met you; someone he would trust enough to experiment with. He’s not stupid, he knows what sex is he’s just never done it before! It’s nerve-wracking and despite how bold and nonchalant this big guy can be, it still burns a blush across his pale skin up to the tips of his ears!

I also imagine that it wouldn’t be full blown sex right off the bat, more so ‘sessions’, periods of ‘study’.

Laios had it on his mind, there’s no doubt. The two of you had discussed it in passive conversations but never really.. delved into it. Both virgins who knew the respected counterpart was in the same playing field.

Imagine it as your typical one on one “study”, typical banter of ideas bouncing around.

Happened to read into mating rituals of different monsters, intently scribing the words of their anatomy into your notebooks.

“I wonder what it feels like..”

It doesn’t take a genius to know how this goes, I’ll let you imagine the scenario and conversation leading up to it.

—

It would start out with mutual masturbation, jerking off infront of eachother and observing every sweet sound that left either of your mouths. Uncut, cut, whatever you had, it didn’t matter or keep the slick sounds from furnishing the room.

Moving on, breaking the barrier of only touching yourselves-

You’d pump each others dicks together, trying to match the pace of the others hand- it wasn’t a race, neither of you lasted long regardless.

FROTTING.

Rubbing your dicks against each other, the friction far more satisfying than a hand could be- unknowingly building your staminas with the desperate ruts against each other.

He was the first to take the plunge into oral, having slyly tasted himself or even you from what dribbled onto his fingers. It was intoxicating, that’s putting it lightly.

Of course, no experience means there was lots of training needed. ‘Research’ as he’d say, trying to learn how to control his gag reflex, trying to keep himself from instinctively biting down just because something was in his mouth. You tasted so good though, he couldn’t help himself so expect teeth dragging across you- whether you’re into it or not, you don’t have a choice early on. And vice-versa of course! Maybe without the infatuation with the taste of him, well.. maybe just not to the degree he experiences..

But when you end up on the giving end, he’s white knuckled and baring down on his shirt to keep himself quiet- expect big loads from this guy. And expect them to come quick.

Now, down to the nitty and gritty. Because that’s what it is.

All the porn and smutty stories could only prepare you so much for the feeling of your ass being metaphorically torn open.

You’re the first to try it out, admitting to having tried to play with your ass in the past but never getting anywhere. It was slow, painfully so. Tears in your eyes and Laios clutching his jaw painfully tight to keep himself from busting with just the head of his dick inside.

When it came to him, obviously he knew what and how to prepare after the fiasco you experienced..(poor you). Came with far more lube and had read about how to ‘open’ himself up to make it easier.

And he adored how it felt.

It was better than feeling full off of his favourite meal.

The two of you lasted far longer when it came to him bottoming- even if it wasn’t that long, it was progress as satisfying to the both of you.

Sessions would continue between each other.

The two of you took each others virginities, and basically all of the other firsts you’d imagine. Now that’s a job well done!

Patience, preparation, and studying rewards those who wait or whatever the saying is.

I hope we are on the same wavelength, if not tell me more about what your thoughts are- I’d loveeee to hear them.

[olderthannetfic]

To all the people in the notes of the abortion ask pulling out the obvious... yeah, it's really obvious given what kinks both mpreg and omegaverse are drawing on that most of those stories won't end in abortion. Anon isn't complaining about that. They're complaining about WHY characters don't get or sometimes even consider abortion in those stories. You can have your character consider and then choose not to get an abortion without suggesting that abortion is a terrible, horrible, no-good tragic choice that only ever appeals to either people in desperate circumstances or who are evil harlots. It's the negative framing around abortion that is the issue, not the fact that it doesn't happen - which both doesn't fit the kink and also just tends to be a less satisfying ending to a lot of those stories? Since it cuts off the drama around unintended pregnancy early on, and usually before a lot of the real problems with it kick in.

I'm not as into it as anon but I've read my fair share of mpreg. I usually expect going in that unless it's explicitly outlined in tags, the character is not going to get an abortion. But I know what anon means, there are certain stories that just give me the heebie-jeebies where it feels like the writer WANTS you to believe that it's just the worst possibility so isn't it wonderful that our character didn't go that route. Or of course my heroic good guy wouldn't even THINK about doing something like that!

(Another tell anon didn't mention that someone is influenced by anti-abortion propaganda is when they have a lot of ridiculously inaccurate medical info similar to the myths the anti-choice movement puts forward, like if you have a normal human where the fetus already looks distinctly humanoid at like 5 weeks, or the person is able to tell they're pregnant super duper early, or something like that. Like when the worldbuilding doesn't suggest there's any reason it might be different from normal human pregnancy. I've seen this show up not even in standard mpreg where cis dude gets miraculously pregnant somehow, but stuff where it's a trans male character - there's no reason his body should be able to detect pregnancy any earlier than any other AFAB body!)

It might be worth it for people to read some of the media criticism of how mainstream U.S. media used to come up with all sorts of contrivances to never have a sympathetic female character get an abortion ever, and how that contributed to abortion stigma. You can see with a lot of the famous examples of this (the Juno "fingernails" bullshit is the one I always remember) what it looks like when you have otherwise progressive media unintentionally reinforcing anti-abortion narratives.

I have a friend who is really into mpreg who has "negative or shaming framings of abortion" as a DNW for exchanges because of how common that sort of thing is. (She's trying to figure out the best wording, but so far it's worked at deterring that stuff.)

--

[cha-melodius]

May I ask you about your writing??? First of all and possibly most importantly, how do you do it? How do you find inspiration and such? How do you make it happen? Because I sat down with a really juicy idea not long ago and I was excited and it was incredibly hard. I deleted it, I was embarrassed. So how do you first, come up with a great idea (which you do you write such cool stuff!) and then bring it to fruition? I’ve always been a decent writer but I was really frustrated with the fic I set out to write!!!

Hey anon! Sorry for sitting on this for a while but it came in the night before a big academic conference for me, so I've had almost no time for anything, sadly.

First off, thank you so much for the compliment on my writing! A lot of the direct answers to your questions are not very satisfying, tbh. Ideas come to me from everywhere—things I watch, read, random internet things—and how I bring it to fruition mostly involves a lot of planning. I got a lot happier with my work when I started making outlines for my fics, so I always know where I want to go with the story and how I'm getting there, versus meandering around aimlessly.

I'm guessing that there was something about your idea that was particularly challenging, since you said that you've always been a decent writer but found what you produced frustrating. Since I don't know the details I'm gonna give some advice that will hopefully cover a few different aspects. And first, a short list, and then the details under the cut because I'm a wordy bitch.

Just keep writing. It can take a while to find your voice.

Get help. Seek out 'subject experts' and people who you think are good at writing the kinds of stories you want to write.

Read a lot, and broadly, especially in the genre you want to write.

1. Just keep writing. It can take a while to find your voice.

I started writing fanfic (or, re-started, because I wrote when I was young and then took a looooong break) to get the stories out of my head, and my first fics were not great lol. They were also for a rarepair and approximately 5 people read them, so there wasn't much pressure I suppose. I was just putting them on AO3 because I figured why not? And then I just kept writing, off and on for different fandoms, until the writing bug really caught me and I started producing a lot more, about five years ago. But it probably took me ~20 fics (several of which were quite long) before I'd consider my stuff to be decent. Whether you share your early works or not is up to you, but in general I'd recommend it because there's a good chance someone will love it (even if you consider it to be substandard) and that can help you feel better about your own writing. I didn't start out good at writing action, but I wrote (and read, see below) consistently in a lot of action-heavy fandoms, so I got a lot of practice. I also feel like the more I wrote, the more ideas I got, and the more unique ideas I got.

You occasionally see someone in fandom who's like "this is my first fic!" and it gets really popular or and lots of hype or whatever, but that's not the typical experience. Most of us start out writing like crap. It's ok. It gets better.

2. Get help. Seek out 'subject experts' and people who you think are good at writing the kinds of stories you want to write.

Ok, so you wrote a first draft you were disappointed in. Ask yourself what was disappointing about it? Do you feel like the beats aren't hitting, or the action is wooden, or the language is awkward? The great thing about fandom and fanfiction is that there are so many people that are willing to help out as beta readers or even just someone to talk to. I understand that getting a beta reader can seem daunting. You don't want someone to criticize your work, or it might seem embarrassing to show someone else a work you feel bad about. But if you get someone else to read it, you'll have the chance to both hear good things about it and also get advice about things you're uncertain about. People come to fandom from all walks of life and I'm a big fan of asking for help if you're writing about something you're not super familiar with. I've never actually been to therapy, so getting help from @celeritas2997 was absolutely critical for me to feel good about my couple's therapy AU. Also you can ask people for advice if they write the kinds of fics you want to write—I've had multiple people ask me for help with their action scenes, and I'm always happy to lend an eye and give advice.

Also, related to this: it's ok if you don't like your first draft. But don't delete it! Put it aside, whether you ask someone else to look at it or not, and come back to it a while later with fresh eyes. It may not be as terrible as you thought! Or maybe there are parts you still hate, but there are other parts that you can work on and revise.

3. Read a lot, and broadly, especially in the genre you want to write.

Want to write sci-fi? Read a lot of sci-fi novels. Read a lot of sci-fi AUs. Break out of your fandom and read fics in fandoms you don't know—I used to do this a lot and it was one of the most important steps in my process of finding my own voice as well as understanding how stories are built. When you read in only one fandom, you get used to a lot of the same voices and types of stories, but there is SO MUCH out there. I've been known to scroll through the 'Enemies to Lovers' tag on occasion, but also I will go into fandoms for media I know but have no strong connection to, don't want to write in but know the characters, and read those. I spent a lot of time reading X-men, Good Omens, Witcher, even MCU juggernauts like Stucky even though I don't really ship them. I know it probably sounds crazy to tell you to go read other fandoms when (I'm assuming you're RWRB) there's so much in this one, but I do think it's valuable. This one is not only for getting exposed to a lot of writing styles, but also lots of ideas. I've definitely gotten a lot of ideas that spun off from something else I read.

I feel like none of this is particularly revolutionary advice, but I hope it at least gives you (and anyone else who manages to read this far lol) some confidence to keep going and go after those stories you want to write. Everyone—me, popular fandom writers, professional authors—started out just writing a lot, and they improved over time.

Most importantly: just keep going. You can do it!!