#there’s two more that’s below remember
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Hello! i absolutely adore your art and agree with your sonic opinions, you're overall one of the best sonic blogs out there. May i ask how do you plan out and draw your comics? How do you choose the formatting of panels themselves, the composition, the dialogue and so on? From A to Z, please! I apologize if this ask might be inconvenient, but i'm curious because i love your comics and have attempted to draw a sonic comic myself that failed miserably.
Typically the first step I will take is to just rough it out in a sketchbook, because I find it much faster and when working digitally I feel more pressure to make things look nice. This is where I start thinking about paneling and composition. It doesn't look perfect or cohesive at this stage, but at least now I have a rough idea presented with barely legible scribbles that don't make sense to anyone but me.
For paneling, large panels linger more, and small panels indicate quick succession. This is the most important rule I personally follow when making panels. It affects things like comedic/dramatic timing and how the reader will be guided through your comic.
It's important to vary up the composition when it comes to dialogue scenes where not that much is happening. The shot-reverse-shot format works, but remember that once you have an establishing shot and the reader knows where the characters are, you can get creative. I like to do close-ups where not everything is shown to create a sense of vagueness around what emotion the character is feeling.
Don't do this too excessively unless you're trying to create a claustrophobic feeling - let it breathe with a medium shot or long shot after!
In film-making, there's a rule called the 180-degree rule that basically states that in a two-character interaction, there is an invisible line drawn between them. The camera does not cross this line and stays on one side. This basically keeps the characters on one respective side of the frame at all times to avoid confusing the viewer.
This is by no means something you have to follow for comics, but if you want to create something that is easier to follow, it's a good rule of thumb that I consider when drafting! It can also be broken depending on the effect you're going for.
Once I have a draft, I'll typically go into editing and changing things that don't work quite as well as I'd like. This can be done by yourself or you can get it revised by a friend, like I do!
After the draft is finished, I'll get to lining and colouring. To be honest, it's not something I can teach so easily, but rather something that takes a lot of time and practice to learn. I typically draw the backgrounds with thinner lineart so that the characters stand out. Same deal with colouring - the characters stand out from the background colour-wise. There are multiple ways to do this, but for example, here I made the background have less colour contrast than the characters and stick to an orange-ish tone, while the characters are different colours from the background.
For speech bubbles, generally the words should fit the shape of the bubble to the best of your ability. The line spacing should be as close and compact as possible without touching the lines above or below. This is to save space on the page so that speech bubbles don't take up a majority. The tail of the bubble should point towards the character's mouth.
Avoid tangenting! This is when the very edges of two different things touch each other. It creates a flatter effect so you want to avoid it as much as possible.
That's about all I can think of right now. Hope this helped!
#tbh i have also dropped comics before because it was too hard to get it to work#they take a lot of time and dedication#but you shouldn't give up!#ask#tutorial
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
I To Dig a Grave I Chapter 7 I
Summary: Twenty-one years after the outbreak, you come to Wyoming looking for something and end up in Jackson after a stranger saves your life.
But he doesn't stay a stranger.
Turns out Joel Miller is looking for something too. It feels like a fresh start. But when bad luck seems to follow you, Joel is the only one to turn to, forcing both of you to confront your feelings about your pasts- and each other.
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 29k+ Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Smut, Explicit Content, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Canon-Typical Violence, Chose not to use Archive Warnings, Tags to be added
AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist // Playlist // ko-fi
notes: everyone be safe this year ♡
this fic will deal with heavy topics. please note that it doesn't use archive warnings and tags will be added as we go in order to avoid spoilers. each chapter will have detailed warnings in the end notes on ao3.
Chapter 7 – The Ceremony Part 2
‘I feel that I want to be forgiven, that I want her to forgive me. But I do not know how to state my crime.’
— James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room
The church is filled with more people than you even thought lived in Jackson. The front row is occupied by Mrs Moss and a woman that keeps patting her back reassuringly. Next to her, you make out Cat among a few of Lane’s friends, two or three others that you know played important roles in her life. She got to Jackson years before you, having spent most of her teenage years with the community and, evidently, having left quite an impression. The two seats on the very right are yours and Joel’s. He is anxiously perched on his, his fingers tapping the wood below him as he keeps his focus on you.
The rows behind him are filled with more friends, acquaintances, the others that help out at the school. And behind them are children. Seemingly all the children of Jackson, the ones that have been told off a million times for talking in class or not doing their homework by both Lane and you, are sitting in their finest clothes, staying still and quiet, somber expressions on their small faces.
It hurts more than anything else could.
You finish taking stock of the audience by letting your gaze fly over the last rows—and those standing behind them, for the lack of space. You see Maria and Tommy, him sending a reassuring nod your way before you both turn your attention back towards the priest, who is finishing up his speech.
“The only thing we can do is keep the memory and spirit of Lane alive. We will now hear a few words from those who knew her best. And I ask you all to listen and remember her, not for how her story ended but for who she was before.”
A short nod from the priest towards you is followed by the walk up to the small podium that seems to last a very long time. You’re painfully aware of the eyes on you, eyes that have not seen you since you’ve been carried through the town in Joel’s arms a few days ago. This too, seems much further away than it actually is.
You place the neatly typed sheets of paper on the podium and take a deep breath.
***
Joel doesn’t leave your side the entire way to the graveyard. The wind has picked up again and the gray sky promises that more snow is on the way. You’re walking just behind the front of the procession made up of Mrs Moss and a few people around her. You would’ve been very content to stay a bit further behind—it makes you feel exposed to have so many pairs of eyes following your every move. How many of them believe you didn't know about this? How many will go home and whisper about Lane behind closed doors, saying that they saw it coming. How could anyone?
The grave is outlined, even if not dug. A small wooden cross has been erected where the headstone will be eventually. You can barely bring yourself to watch as the priest places the wreath in front of it. It’s beautifully crafted, decorated with a black ribbon in the front. For a second, you forget what it symbolizes and instead just stare at the flowers. You’ve never known you could find so many colors in the Wyoming winter. There is purple and yellow—and blue. Hydrangeas and bluebells, trailing all around the twigs that hold the wreath together.
The words of the priest bring you back to the reason you’re staring at the flowers and immediately, their beauty is lost on you.
There is no ritual, no petals or earth. With no grave, you can’t help but feel there is no way to say goodbye. The cross is just a piece of wood, carrying Lane’s name and the two dates that mark the span of her life.
It’s not a very long one.
Joel steers you through the crowd, people occasionally giving you a small, sad nod. You try not to look at them for more than a few seconds, tired of the look they all have. The same face, the sad somber eyes, the same pat on your shoulder. You’re glad when you reach the town hall, the tables decorated with the same flowers you’ve just seen placed on Lane’s grave. It kills whatever appetite you try to pretend to have.
There is cake, mostly homemade, a few women and men still shuffling around the tables, trying to find a place to squeeze in their baked goods. Just like in the church, it feels like the whole town is around and, slowly but surely, people grab food and drinks and settle down, their voices low and eyes cast downward.
A few of the younger people, including Cat, eventually come up to you, expressing their condolences and inviting you to sit with them. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Joel mutters into your ear for the third time and you give a small nod. “Yeah, I get along with them. I swear, it’s okay.” He only seems mildly satisfied with your response, lingering next to the table you’ve settled down at for another second.
“Just—” You lean over to him. “Don’t leave without me?”
“I’ll be around, just want a quick word with Tommy. You come and find me if you wanna leave early, okay?” He hums into your ear and you give a quick nod before watching him make his way through the crowd.
He’s a tad less touchy, with all these people around, and as you listen to the conversations around you and attempt to swallow the cake that feels much too dry in your mouth, you catch yourself longing for another cold night and a good excuse to curl up against his body and let his warmth soothe you, away from the prying eyes and the whispered conversations that seem to follow you around.
***
Joel's eyes are scanning the crowd when he finds a familiar face, one that makes his insides churn with guilt. He glances over his shoulder, checking if you still seem okay, before making his way over to a corner towards the front of the hall.
He sighs as he reaches the table tucked away there, leaning against the wall. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey,” Ellie replies quietly, her gaze wandering around the room behind them, her eyes never quite reaching Joel. Her gaze avoiding him the same way she does. He lets a few seconds pass, forcing himself to soak in the uncomfortable silence. Then, he clears his throat quietly.
“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t come by yet, it’s all been a bit—” He struggles to find the right word. It’s complicated because Lane is dead and he needs to get that into your head without ruining you, and during all that, he also needs to ignore the thoughts in the back of his own head that seem to get louder each time he feels your body pressed against his.
“A bit much,” Ellie finishes for him. She stares at her feet for a moment before looking up, this time directly at him. “It’s fine. It’s nice she has someone who looks out for her. If that’s what this is.”
Joel feels like he’s been punched in the gut. If that’s what this is?
He sucks in a breath, watching as Ellie sways back and forth, her eyes still on him. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means, if you look out for her, that’s nice. Unless that still includes lying, by your definition.” Her face shows that she knows it’s a low blow. Joel nods curtly, clenching his jaw for a moment. His glance wanders back to the table you’re sitting at and he half wishes there’d be something there, some sign of distress that would give him an excuse to walk away from this conversation. But there isn’t and he knows that he doesn’t deserve it either way.
“Ellie, this ain’t the time for that,” Joel mumbles, shaking his head a bit as he shifts his focus back onto her. “If you’ve got something to say about—”
“I’m moving in with Dina.”
If he’s been punched in the gut before, now Joel is certain his attacker has added a knife to the equation. It must be visible on his face because Ellie’s defiant gaze falters slightly and seems to soften a tiny bit as she watches him, no doubt waiting for the reaction to her news. For once, he looks absolutely dumbfounded, his mouth slightly open, waiting on a confirmation that he hasn’t just heard those words.
“I didn’t mean—” Ellie groans a little, moving her hands into the air. “Not right now. But we’ve been talking about it and I figured…” She gives a small shrug. “I figured you should know. Means you can have the shed and—”
“I don’t want the damn shed,” Joel blurts out. He doesn’t say that he just wants Ellie, and preferably you, close by. He gets that she wanted some privacy, more than the illusion of it in the form of a thin wall between their rooms, but having her in his backyard seemed like a good compromise. It allowed him to make sure she ate or to have breakfast at the kitchen table, the window facing the backyard and Ellie’s front door.
Joel lets out a small breath, slowly, as he nods to himself. Damage control. That’s the best he can do right now.
“The shed is yours, always. The house is already way too big for me ‘n myself,'' Joel mutters, fighting the urge to tell her that he should get some say in this, that this is a decision that they should make together. One he’d very much like to put off for a long, long time.
Joel doesn’t know how to let go because he’s never had the chance to. Everything he’s lost has been ripped away from him with violence and blood trailing behind it. Not once has he willingly given something up. So he doesn’t know how to.
He protects and holds them close until they die in his arms. And they always die.
The image of Sarah's body flashes before his eyes for a moment and Joel grabs the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white as he tries to push the thoughts away.
“Look, I think Dina is a good—you seem to like her,” Joel mumbles, glancing around to make sure they’re not being overheard. “You do … like her, right?”
Ellie makes a noise that almost sounds like a small laugh, but somehow, it only makes Joel feel even smaller. “Yeah, she’s not so bad.”
“Right,” he responds because he can’t think of what to say to that. He racks his brain for a reply that won’t immediately cause another row, something that feels impossible with Ellie these days. He distantly longs for their time before Jackson—when she hung on his every word, never quite did as he told her but stuck with him nonetheless. A tiny voice in the back of his head points out that maybe the town tucked away behind Wyoming's mountains doesn't hold such good luck after all.
Ellie’s gaze is back on the room behind Joel and she tilts her head slightly as she speaks. “You won't be completely by yourself in the house though, right? Not with her moving in.”
It's not that she doesn't like you. The few lessons of yours she attended were admittedly fairly interesting and more than once you'd brought Ellie a new book you'd stumbled upon while learning to navigate the library—usually something about space. But the one thing she's never quite understood is your relationship with Joel, why both of you have dinners and dance around each other and still never seem to get anywhere.
“She’s not moving in,” Joel clarifies, his voice straining slightly. “Look, if that’s what this is about—”
Ellie quickly shakes her head. “It's not. I mean—it's a factor. But it doesn’t… I don't care who lives with you, Joel.”
They both know her words are not entirely true, but Joel decides to let it slide, knowing that the only thing waiting for him here is another argument. “Okay, look. You don't know what she's going through. Lane’s death has been hard on her and none of us can imagine—”
“What it's like to see your best friend die?” Ellie interrupts. Her tone isn't loud enough to stand out among the noises of the crowd around them but it still carries that hint of disappointment. “Yeah, jeez, I really can't imagine.”
Fuck.
Joel shakes his head, his fingers tapping against the fabric of his pants more quickly. “Ellie, I didn't mean—” He sighs, his gaze wandering back to the crowded room.
It's at the same moment that Joel's eyes meet yours and you take in his features, a small frown appearing on your forehead at what you see.
He doesn’t know that he looks so incredibly tired.
***
His mind is still on the idea of being all alone in his house, of Ellie being so damn far away, when you finally leave the funeral feast, stepping out into the cold air.
“Was that Ellie with you earlier?” you ask politely.
Joel nods weakly, unable to open his mouth, unable to tell you about their conversation or about Ellie’s plans. It feels like the knife is still lodged in his stomach.
“It’s nice you two are speaking.” He’s lucky your attention is still on your own thoughts, enough to not notice the small flicker of something that dances over his face before he takes a deep breath and goes back to pretending that everything is okay. He has an idea that you feel very similar about the day. Pretending that it’s normal to be writing eulogies instead of finals.
“Your speech was lovely,” he says in a low voice, remembering how he had to pinch himself to stop the tears from gathering in his eyes.
“Thank you,” you mumble back, your gaze focused on your feet below as you leave the main street.
“I wanted to stop by the graveyard again,” you pipe up softly. “If that’s okay.”
“Yeah, of course. You wanna go now?” Joel asks carefully. The sky is still overcast, the snow piling up more and more. The town seems more bleak and cold than ever, even more so in direct comparison to the warmly lit town hall with the smell of good food and the constant hum of conversation all around.
The graveyard is empty.
The small cross and the footsteps in the snow are the only signs that someone was here. Or in Lane’s case, that someone isn’t.
As you turn the small corner that opens up to the meadow that holds around two dozen other graves, Joel carefully sneaks his arm around you, pulling you a bit closer into his side, silently vowing his support.
Your stomach drops as you get close enough to make out Lane’s name carved into the wood. Something seems to be clawing at your chest from the inside, violently attempting to find its way out of you and into existence.
A bit of snow has gathered on the cross and you reach out to wipe it off when your gaze falls onto something between the flowers below. Slowly, you bend down, trembling fingers pushing the snow to the side, only to be met with the most horrifying thing you could see placed on a grave.
It is a kid's drawing.
Two stick figures, one with blue hair, your names written underneath. A small rainbow hovers above Lane’s head, the colors just slightly off. You feel like you’re going to be sick.
You barely notice the sharp intake of breath behind you as Joel glances over your shoulder to see. His hand rubs small circles into your shoulder.
“I didn’t think they’d put them out here.”
Whatever has been inside your chest finally breaks free and with it a wave of anger like you have never known rolls over you. It settles inside every inch of you, wrapping itself around your skin, casting your body.
It moves faster than it has in days when you turn around and roughly shove Joel’s hand off you, taking a staggering step back into the untouched snow.
“You knew?”
Joel stares at you with a mix of pity and surprise. And you truly, fully hate him. For giving you that look, always giving you that look, since the first time you met. Like you’re something that’s broken, that he needs to fix.
He seems to fight to find the right words for a moment before nodding carefully, the hand that was on your back a moment ago slightly raised in a calming gesture. “They wanted to help the kids grieve. So they let them draw the pictures. Maria said—”
“I should’ve been there,” you press out, not yet willing the tears to fall that you can already feel bubbling up.
A flicker of something else flies over Joel’s face. A sternness you haven’t seen on it in a long time. “We didn’t think you were—”
“I don’t care what you think!” you roar, sending a flock of birds up in the trees flying into the sky. “I’m so tired of all of you treating me like a goddamn child!”
Joel’s face has fallen slightly and he swallows hard, raising his hand a little higher. “I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t care what you meant! None of you know what this is like so stop pretending that you understand! I never wanted this!”
“I know you didn’t,” Joel says quietly, his eyes alert and trained on you.
“You said it would all be better! You said it was so much easier and safer in Jackson, that everything would be better here! You were the one who made me stay!”
Joel just stands there, letting you yell and rage at him, and somehow, that makes it even worse. You want him to yell back, to fight you on this, to do anything but stare at you like you’re this sad thing he can’t leave. An animal that has been grazed by the bullet. Enough to hurt, not yet enough to bleed out.
“What else have you been keeping from me?!” You don’t think you even care. But now that you’ve started yelling you can’t seem to stop. Because you know that the anger is the only thing between you and the overwhelming wave of grief that will come crashing down on you the moment you allow yourself to breathe.
Joel almost looks like he wants to apologize but then his face changes and he shakes his head firmly. “I have not been keeping things from you. I’ve been protecting you.”
“I never asked for your protection!” you yell, moving a step forward to shove at his chest. It barely makes him stumble. Controlled, strong, as always. But something is simmering under his skin too. And you can practically see the moment it reaches his throat.
“Fine! The next time the kids draw pictures for you, I’ll just shove them right into your face!”
You both immediately know he’s crossed a line. Your lungs are burning, the cold air hurting your throat as your voice finally quiets down. “They drew pictures for me?”
Joel opens his mouth and closes it again, shaking his head and it suddenly becomes clear to you that he didn’t mean to say this, that you only know of yet another secret something because you’ve pushed him to a breaking point. He takes another breath, forcing his voice to be quiet when he speaks again.
“I put them below the stairs. I was gonna give them to you, I just thought it was a bit early to—”
You don’t hear the rest of his sentence, instead storming off towards the large metal gates of the graveyard. The white house on Rancher Street is not locked. The hallway seems oddly long as you hurry through it, your gaze fixed on the wooden stairs leading to your bedroom.
His bedroom, you correct yourself. You don't live here. And you surely won't after this.
The first two cupboards you open contain fresh linen that you carelessly shove out of the way. The third one holds a small plastic container that is filled to the brim with paper in a variety of colors.
There are pictures of the school, the classroom, Lane at the front. Lane surrounded by children. Lane next to someone that looks like you. Lane in the woods. There are a few poems and cards in between, each one neatly stacked in the container. There is a weathered postcard showing Flat Creek Lake.
You’re on the wooden floor of the hallway when Joel finally steps into the house. The box clutched to your chest, your body practically curled up around it.
He has been able to keep the tears at bay during your speech. He isn’t able to now. He doesn’t notice that he’s crying until the first tear slips down his cheek and he quickly uses his hand to wipe it away.
Your sobs are almost silent, your body shaking with the effort of keeping them that way.
Joel knows it’s his fault. Because despite all the arguments he’s been storing in the back of his head, he knows you’re right. He is the one who made you stay. He promised you an easier life in Jackson, watched as you trusted him and built your life here rather than anywhere else. And in return, you’d gotten two years of happiness and two pages of goodbye.
A whimper escapes your throat, weak and high-pitched, like the animal that has been grazed by the bullet is finally dying. You’re all trembling limbs and weak sobs as he carefully pries your fingers off the plastic container and sets it aside, making sure not to hide it. He’s done with that.
His back protests as he lifts you up with no support from you, no hands clutching on to him like they usually do, no arms wrapping around his torso. But you don’t fight him, which is all he thinks he can ask. He takes the stairs very slowly, careful not to trip before placing you down into his bed.
Your eyes are closed but he can’t tell whether the grief has worn you out too much or if you’re just trying to ignore that he’s there. He only lingers for a few moments, taking off your shoes and coat and spreading the thick winter blanket over you. Then, he quietly closes the bedroom door behind him and heads back downstairs, ignoring the fact that every part of his body is screaming at him to turn back, to find your trembling body below his sheets and wrap himself around you, hands sneaking over your skin.
Instead, he creates a makeshift bed for himself on the couch, kicks off his own boots and settles down, his eyes landing on his wrist. The hands sitting below the cracked glass of his watch are still, the exact way they have been for over twenty years.
He allows his mind to wander to his daughter for a few moments. Not the night of her death, not even the year. But to her first day of school, to their first Christmas, to his daughter Sarah rather than his dead daughter Sarah.
‘Remember her not for how her story ended but for who she was before.’
He doesn’t remember falling asleep.
notes: thank you for reading ♡
#to dig a grave#joel miller#joel miller / reader#joel / reader#joel x reader#joel miller / you#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller / original female characters#joel miller fanfic#tlou fanfic#fanfictions#fanfiction#fanfic#the last of us part 2#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us#tommy miller#ellie williams#hurt comfort#angst#smut#grief/mourning#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal#tlou fanfiction#softpascalito#chapter 7
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Beta Expectations and Our Development Goals
Hi everyone! This document serves as an outline for starting expectations when beginning Closed Beta.
Things to remember as we move into Closed Beta are:
Cursing is allowed! We’ve dialed back our filters quite a bit, but absolutely no innuendo or sexual content. Details are outlined in our TOS.
In this beginning, the application feels closer to the Alpha state than it does the full game. It is in a mid-development limbo, which is why we are stressing that it is the Closed Beta state. Our biggest milestones have been backend technical foundations that have taken significant time. If the game were a cake, we have finished baking the base, which is what we’re starting the testing for. We’ll be making aggressive updates throughout the next few months of the test, which will introduce the “frosting,” and advance general playability. We plan to roll out new mechanics every month. You will find a list below of what these goals are.
Temper your starting expectations, but get excited for how much we’re going to continuously develop and update!
We will not be moving into Open Beta until we feel the game is close to done. Think of Closed Beta as phase 1, and Open Beta as phase 2.
Things will break the moment you try them. This is normal and expected. Always report!
Because of this, things won’t be very fun yet. But as we roll out improvements and new things, users will get to give live feedback on what they want to see and how things feel.
Early Access will be less smooth than full Closed Beta as we detect the kinks of letting more people in en masse. It’s the nature of early launching. Brace yourselves!
In the same vein, several aspects are temporary. Topher takes the place of icons in the queue, and compromises we’ve made for early economic simulation (example: a placeholder merchant to simulate the Processing mechanic) will be barren. NPCs are sketches, UI colors may be temporary, and UI banners are sketches.
Any and all prices of items or features are temporary or subject to change. Things like the price of kit rolling or accessory items will be tooled.
All updates and communications with testers will be posted publicly instead of through email. Eventually, we’ll use the site forums, but not until we can guarantee no more content wipes, and we’ve developed the sticky system on the User Dashboard.
Everything in this test, minus your username, password, account ID, and purchases is temporary. Your account content will be erased at some point in time, and when it is your Kickstarter and Alpha reward codes will be re-activated for use.
If anything is broken about your code, please report! We’ll fix it!
Any premium purchases you make will be restored upon wipes, and exist in this state as a means to support us moreso than to stimulate longterm collecting. By purchasing any currency, you’re helping us develop! But please do not feel pressured!
Bundles will be added come the full Closed Beta.
Pelt submissions are open for user testing, but you’ll have to re-submit upon any wipes.
When you complete registration (entering your DOB and confirming agreement to the TOS), your founder and follower IDs will be reserved, so you can take your time going over the details.
These starting cats will be wiped completely, and when Open Beta begins, follower and founder IDs will be totally up for grabs again upon first-come first-serve login and confirmation.
We’ll be around to grind for the next two weeks. Then, in two weeks, there will be a bit of a lull as our developers take a breather and regroup, and we’ll be back in March. We’re making this plan known so it doesn’t look like an abandonment or nervous silence. We’re simply planning rest and pacing ahead of time!
We’ll be sending out periodic surveys to get honest criticism and check how the economy is feeling.
The first survey is ready and waiting for your input! This survey focuses specifically on the economy, and can be filled out once per day. Please do not feel pressured to do so every day, but we encourage you to respond as many times as possible. Your input is immeasurably valuable for the fine-tuning of our economy, and guaranteeing the long-term enjoyability of the site. Please find the survey here.
With over 700 items on this site, we may have missed necessary data entry for some as we learn the ins and outs of our own program. Always report and we’ll fix it!
Some accessories are in the re-coloring queue, and if so will have their recolors seeded into the economy as we finish them.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. We’re ready to hit the ground running, but it will be a long journey. We’re excited to embark on it together!
Here is a list of things available from the get-go (hopefully useable, if not they will be!):
Cooking and Crafting
Daily Duties
Flea Market and Merchants
Breeding
Dress up and general cat customization
Beta retirement (bare bones)
Cat relationships and cross-cat gift giving
Archetype discovery (we are adding new ones as you play!)
Forum posting and custom board creation (image hosting!)
Cat profile CSS boxes
User profile CSS boxes
Storage and stash functionality for item organization
Bank functionality for currency storage
User customization settings (icon selection, pronoun and slogan editing, Borough swapping, username swapping)
Crest application
Beta guild play (basic errands)
Multiplayer guilds
Incense and metamorphic functionality
Pelt submissions (the refined pelt rules are a work in progress, because for this chaotic testing phase we’d like everyone to go nuts and have some fun! The only steadfast rules are no gore, copyrighted materials, religious iconography, or sexual content!)
Friend requests and adding friends
Premium shop (intended for user support, benefits are bare for at least the next week or so while we focus on user bug reports)
Now without further ado… here is what we’ll be working on in the coming months, in order of general priority! Open Beta will not happen until we finish this list.
Replacing frontend assets with final renders.
Updating item cards to reflect dynamic button displays depending on the page in which the card is being viewed.
User report system for all user-ran content.
Wardrobe functionality; full sandbox dress up available to any visitor.
Infrastructure for sharing sandbox creations in comments and forum posts; text language like :catID: to paste an image link of a cat.
User to user DM functionality.
User to user private trading.
Item database and lore encyclopedia.
Processing functionality + dye system. For now, recolors are seeded in a temporary merchant.
Visual faunapedia record for fauna studying (including unlockable lore.)
Adding a slew of archetypes. Dedicated archetype collection page with user featured display.
Sitewide search functionality of all user content.
Aesthetic updates to comments + addition of comments onto cat pages.
Splitting the Undercoat into two patterns: Dilute (dynamically lightened) and Standard.
Adding a white patch selector into the creator and founder designer.
Dashboard refinement + forum news widget and stickies.
Splitting cooking and crafting to bring back Winnipeg and keep the mechanics more organized.
Farming.
Much of it has been started already, and we’ll continue to share our progress. We plan to stay in Closed Beta likely over the summer, but it will be as long as these developments take.
And then we will move into Open Beta! Where we can focus on the following:
User notebook entries (blog posts.)
Forum board updates to better accommodate posting
Sitewide tagging and filtering.
Cross-account breeding.
Dedicated Guild refinement and updates.
Achievement system.
Referral system.
Team features like a team hoard, team notes, and shared scenes.
Refinement of any feature feedback we get :)
And from there… it’s full launch, baby!
Again, a marathon, not a sprint. This list may seem long and arduous, but we’ll continue visual content updates (patterns, breeds, etc.) throughout the length of development.
Let’s get crackin’, catfolk!
#paw borough#pet site#indie game#petsite#pet sim#development update#pawborough#virtual pet#art update#kickstarter update#closed beta#beta test#beta
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
The time of year where people in love give each other supermarket flowers and single people don't give a damn has come once again: Valentine's Day. Or, as I like to refer to it, Palentine's Day. I did an exchange last year and since people seemed to like it, here we go again. I thank you all for your continued trust in me and your lovely gifts. I hope we can have fun and contribute to each other this holiday once more. Mwah!
The Rules and regulations are simple, but they exist nonetheless, so here they are:
The exchange, for now, is open until February 16th. May extend it if people are interested.
You may make 1-2 requests but I will probably reblog it, saying you can ask for more if I'm still bored.
Please reblog this post to spread some awareness, please. You can like for remembrance but just a like doesn't count (you already know this; I know my 5 regulars who come here every time)!
As aforementioned, this is open to my regular drunks and new patrons alike, so please do not be shy. Think of me as I think of birds; I am more scared of you than you are of me.
Fill out the form linked below and find the password in the form!
Please only send me face claims with good quality and plenty of material to use. Also, no cartoon characters. Video game characters are all right if it's motion capture. I'm not trying to discriminate; it can just be really tough for me to find material for cartoons, anime, video games, etc. as I edit by making little video clips first and so on. However, if you slide in my DMs, we might be able to discuss some stuff.
Please, please, please fill out all the columns I need and choose at least two gift options. It makes it infinitely easier for me to make something for you. Just remember I can't read minds and it's worse when I can't find anything in your blogs.
Remember the pleases and thank you's, pleases and thank you's make my heart grow fond.
I don't do Harry Potter OCs or Stranger Things OCs and while I don't have a specific list of FCs I don't use, I ask that you do not request anything for overtly problematic actors. Thank you!
I accept pretty much any gift in return: gif edits, moodboards, playlists, story reviews, drawings/art—anything is fine. If it's a story review, please let me know in the form so I know you did, as I don't check my accounts every day.
I'm fine with gifts for any of my OCs; my master list as well as the link to my Pinterest and Spotify are in my pinned post.
FOR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS, FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE AND I WILL TRY TO CLEAR EVERYTHING UP!
HERE IS THE LOVE FORM; THE LOVE FORM IS HERE; THE FORM FOR LOVE IS LOCATED IN THIS PLACE
TAGLIST: @eddysocs @ocs-supporting-ocs @foxesandmagic @veetlegeuse @decennia @hiddenqveendom @arrthurpendragon @luucypevensie @nikosasaki @noratilney @wordspin-shares @oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations @stelstellakidd @andromedalestrange @far-shores @rose-of-oz @bibaybe @come-along-pond
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sexiest Podcast Character 2024 — Scripted Undefeated Bracket — Round 2
Propaganda
Alice Dyer (The Magnus Protocol):
She's a funny witty girl that does a lot of sarcasm but actually cares a lot about her friends. Everyone in OIAR desires her carnally, it doesn't have to be canon to be true.
Mariana (Sherlock & Co.):
she is a badass she is a queen she is not not Mrs Hudson and she quit her job to hang around with these two loosers and shes having the time of her life
Art of Alice courtesy of @auxilion.
Additional propaganda below the cut:
Propaganda
Alice Dyer (The Magnus Protocol):
she's funny she's done with all this bullshit she teases her coworkers and is just a delight to listen to
Trans girl who flirts with everyone to cope with trauma what more could you want
#alice dyer you goose <3
#alice dyer 100%
#Never finished tmp but it's Alice 100% she's so
#alice sweep!!! #hell yeah
#ALICE DYER #MY WIFE
#ALICE SWEEP
This is propaganda for all the female characters. Voters please remember how pretty all women are and factor that into every single vote you make. Thank you.
Mariana (Sherlock & Co.):
This is propaganda for all the female characters. Voters please remember how pretty all women are and factor that into every single vote you make. Thank you.
#2024 Round 2#Alice Dyer#Mariana#Mariana Sherlock & Co.#The Magnus Protocol#Sherlock & Co.#Sherlock and Co#TMagP
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Little Cup Stats- January 2025
So the first month of the Little Cup Polls comes to an end, and I've loved seeing you all talk about your own Pokémon experiences when it comes to Starters, shiny hunting, the National Dex, and all the takes on Mythicals vs Legendaries!
As promised, here's a quick roundup of all the polls and some stats for each of them! For future reference, polls that span across two months will be included with the month that the majority of it took place in. All below the cut-
Week #1 (Grass, Fire, or Water)
The first week was a simple choice of which starter group is the best! Grass was the victor, though with strong support for all three types. 1,424 votes were cast, with the distribution being as follows:
Grass- 36.5%, 520 votes
Fire- 27.3%, 389 votes
Water- 32.2%, 459 votes
See Results- 3.9%, 56 votes
When we remove the people who couldn't choose, the final percentages come to:
Grass- 38%
Fire- 28.4%
Water- 33.5%
So while there is a clear favourite, Game Freak has done a good job of balancing all the types with each one having their own fans!
Week #2 (Shiny Hunting)
Our first submitted question was a simple one! Have you shiny hunted? And a clear majority have- at least once anyway! There were 986 votes cast, and the results were:
Yes- 70.7%, 697 votes
No- 28.5%, 281 votes
See Results- 0.8%, 8 votes
Since so few of you couldn't remember if you'd done so or not, the adjusted percentages are very similar.
Yes- 71.3%
No- 28.7%
So more than 7 in 10 players have tried it! A popular pastime indeed.
Week #3 (Mythicals and Legendaries)
Are they one and the same? Well, our second submission this month was asking just that. Mythicals and Legendaries are closely related, but according to the Pokémon Company, they are indeed different! Do you disagree? 526 people voted on if they considered Mythicals to be Legendaries as well, and they had this to say:
Yes- 77.8%, 409 votes
No- 18.4%, 97 votes
See Results- 3.8%, 20 votes
When we remove those that didn't have strong feelings on the matter, the adjusted percentages are:
Yes- 80.8%
No- 19.2%
Perhaps I needn't have split up the tournaments after all then?
Week #4 (National Dex)
Our final Little Cup of the month was about the National Dex! Over 5 years on from the infamous Dexit, it seems opinions have cooled about it, but most do still miss it! Of the 418 people that voted, these are the people who miss the National Dex:
Yes- 60.3%, 252 votes
No- 29.2%, 122 votes
See Results- 10.5%, 44 votes
This time, more than a tenth of you couldn't make up your mind one way or the other! When we remove those numbers from the equation, it looks like this:
Yes- 67.3%
No- 32.6%
It seems that a two thirds majority miss the National Dex after all! Will we ever see it again in a main series game?
Final Stats
With exactly 3,354 votes cast this month, I'd say the Little Cup Polls have been off to a good start! This means an average of 839 votes on each poll, well above any tournament, but we'll see how this average looks as the weeks continue. From next month onwards, I'll be including both the month's average, and the overall average too.
Unfortunately, each poll has been less popular than the last, but there's bound to be variation in vote numbers when each poll presents a very different question from the last! The graph looks like this:
But with all that said, that's all for January! I hope you've enjoyed the Little Cup Polls so far, and I've got many good questions from you folks queued up! Right now the queue goes into April, but submissions are always open for more. We'll be back with more stats in a month's time!
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Max and he never fought. Their entire friendship they'd had disagreements but nothing like that phone call. And while they'd not been in a situation like this before, let's face it, who has? That wasn't something they did. It weighed on him as he put together the ingredients he grabbed up for dinner while they were out. It was far too early but he knew the next few days would be filled with a lot of turmoil and emotions and he was really damn determined to make sure that this first night home for Quintus was nice. He needed it to be. Maybe it wouldn't be enough to ask him to stay but maybe he'd consider it? His mind was going a million miles a minute and doing him no favors.
A loud clang sounded as Cesare pulled out a sheet pan and a large sauce pan from one of the lower cabinets. He offered an apologetic smile to Quintus still looking at him from where he'd perched. It was then that he'd realized all those years away, there moments like this they could have shared. It only hollowed his stomach more but still the warmth of the thought lingered and he as grateful for it. "I hope you're hungry because I know I'm starving." He told him, trying to ease the little tension that seemed to settle over the youngest of the two.
A few moments later and a few culinary feats, for Cesare anyway, he'd been able to produce a from scratch pizza crust and had the sauce simmering beautifully on the stove behind. Almost everything was ready except the cheese. "Want to split it down the middle?" He asked as he produced a grater and two different cheeses to be shredded. "I can't remember if you like banana peppers or not." He smiled, making short work of the first block of cheese and then promptly moving onto the next. The thought of not knowing whether or not Quin liked something starting to weigh on him. Maybe all that time away from each other had pushed them too far apart. Perhaps that was why things felt so charged between the two of them. But as Cesare gathered the cheese into a bowl and moved back to combine everything together he caught sight of him and he felt his heart swell and clench at the same time. That can't be for nothing.
Cesare moved quickly, taking the pan from the stove and spread the sauce all over the surface of the dough. It already looked so good. He was quick to duck his hand in to the cheese and shoved a handful into his mouth, little pieces spilling from his mouth and onto his shirt and the floor below. "Help me dress her up." He motioned Quintus over to him as he moved back and grabbed all the pizza toppings he could see in their refrigerator and pantry. He popped off the top to the banana peppers and quickly popped one into his mouth before he started to put a few on the end of the pizza closest to him.
Quintus didn’t pay much attention to the phone call between Max and his best friend. He was focused on the after jitters of almost kissing Cesare. He could not cross that line while he was back in town. He had to curve it no matter how badly he wanted to satisfy that craving. Quin was not in a position to be Cesare’s answer, and Cesare couldn’t be his. The almost relationship they had back when they were teens had to stay in the past. They had spent years apart between them, and neither of them was the same person they once knew. It was affection that drew them together now, nostalgia. That was it.
What he could hear in the phone call went as he had expected. Maximus was upset that Quintus wasn’t precisely where he was supposed to be. Maximus was worried that Cesare was spending time with Quintus alone before he even got eyes on his little brother. It was another way for Max to control the situation control Quin. He would always see him as his little brother, not the adult he had returned as. That was something Quintus would have to put a stop to immediately. He couldn’t afford to have Max hovering over him while he was here.
He was so lost in his worries that Quin hadn’t realized they were back at the house until Cesare stepped out of the car, offering to make him food. It was such a Cesare thing that Quin had to roll his eyes. He never second-guessed taking Quin to the store and buying all of Quin’s favorite foods, and now he would carry all of the bags in himself and cook something for him. It made Quin want to throw up because it made Cesare so much more attractive in his eyes. He was so careful with Quin, so attentive without being overbearing. He hated it.
“Want me to cook you something?” He muttered mockingly as he exited the car without returning Cesare’s sunglasses. He glared at the man as he walked past Quin, scolding him for his mutterings. Of course, he heard it. Fuck him. His payback came in the form of taking his sweet ass time getting the door. Quin took small, slow baby steps, stopping to smell the flowers on his way in. He made Cesare wait there until he finally couldn’t stall any longer. Quin opened the front door, stepped into the house first, and held the door open for Cesare. He watched as the man made his way through the house and into the kitchen.
With a sigh, Quin closed the door and followed him into the kitchen. Instead of unpacking the groceries, Quin grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and hopped onto the counter, stubbornly kicking his feet against the cabinet doors. He didn’t speak as Cesare moved through the kitchen with a practiced ease. It didn’t surprise Quin; this was Cesare and Max’s home, but it was so bizarre to see Cesare know his childhood home so intimately. It was a painful reminder that Quin was the stranger here, not Cesare or Max. And he didn’t know how to process that feeling. He wasn’t sure if he could.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hopefully coming sooner than later (if my attention span didn’t suck balls)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4de48283502e4f52f83832fd0db7f9a1/8783bb5a7dffadbb-4b/s1280x1920/4ff0dabb65775569487ddfe45c0c096708f6f9b9.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/cec9b6ab020fc25719bbec238d00a4b7/8783bb5a7dffadbb-40/s1280x1920/40bdb78090e236ea0f37a86acf935fabdc688483.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d6cd909e964f4c8e97ffa907f99b2958/8783bb5a7dffadbb-e7/s1280x1920/ba8241975776e60470d8861462dc9ae64c4b38b9.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8050dca0fbfb9eb575331483ec96b5a8/8783bb5a7dffadbb-e6/s1280x1920/63d2b246d1f96e557b2bf762a94db12b1ec73b6c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9a2092aedf635f54cdee09db0fb06448/8783bb5a7dffadbb-06/s1280x1920/eadf02c55f8bedc315d46bd7aeffb2fa287f31ee.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/dec1e4f906088d01006e953baea55092/8783bb5a7dffadbb-0b/s1280x1920/061a4fbaaecc4b8358817fe47ca7e0a6033dc1d1.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b2d79d912c262e79b79876d7a9ab3d03/8783bb5a7dffadbb-0a/s1280x1920/39a8fc8d9c9b76134cbe491a4862cf9aafbdb7cd.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9dcce5c55016f90a5d2c06dc96497100/8783bb5a7dffadbb-e7/s640x960/e253685273ff2ec921a964ecec718b2ca67fcb18.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3eeb122162d3050021706c95510f9176/8783bb5a7dffadbb-16/s1280x1920/3e0f0b41b47ec19b53e186b4e9c7ea5ead583dac.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7cd33809919882e5ec33210ba6ea8492/8783bb5a7dffadbb-de/s1280x1920/f37be636f8e03691c0fe072ca5a5d4c820386f28.jpg)
#fanfic writer#there’s two more that’s below remember#but I’m using my phone#so of course the limit sucks#doctor who#stranger things#scream 1996#quentin beck x reader#renfield#mike schmidt#good omens crowley#loki laufeyson#james hook#x men
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
chris ryan casually dropping a joking use of "the great work continues"... continuing to prove himself the ringer person i would most enjoy hanging out with in real life despite on paper the two of us having nothing in common except a deep love for the david fincher movie zodiac
#i gave up on the big pic for a while bc sean and amanda got... annoying... may or may not ever resume#i had already fallen off and then i checked the reddit in advance for their anatomy of a fall takes#and was like... if i listen to this i will have to become a murderer so i can kill sean fennessey with my bare hands#i will have to go to murder school and do all the homework and buy all the equipment#plus airfare to LA etc.#so. anyway. but before that happened#i listened to their dune 2 episode#and was struck by two separate moments where chris like#very lightly and casually mentioned something about the filmmaking i hadn't noticed#that i thought was a good observation that made me appreciate the movie more#(the one i remember was something about the movie shooting timmy more from below as it goes on - as he increases in status/power)#(good note!)#and then i realized that like sean is the self-styled movie guy who watches like 600-800 movies a year and does a movie podcast#and i could not remember even one time he had done that. lmao.#anyway. ok now we're all caught up on my parasocial opinions of ringer podcast guys#sorry i don't have anywhere else to put this... the reddit is not a safe space for this opinion
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me: *slightly underweight, tall, with a belly that isn’t “how it’s supposed to be”*
literally everybody else: ok have you tried Dieting
#shut the fuck up#i am TRYING to feel good in my body again!#I am TRYING to remember that eating normally is ok!#I am TRYING to break a generations-long abuse cycle!#I am NOT trying to count my calories or cut down on sugar or go keto or gluten free or some shit#that is not a step in *my* healing process#tw eating disorder#?#it never got quite that bad but my teen years were Tough#i need hjalp#vent post maybe#I am a solid 127 pounds#somehow all my friends are 110 and below#they also eat next to no sugar or meat or protein#and only one or two meals a day#and suddenly I’M the concern?#I am worried about them#but I also need them to shut up about me eating more than one piece of candy a week
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
the really beautiful landscape/skyscape animation in makoto shinkai's works tends to be the big thing i see focused on and that is understandable and deserved like the weather and lighting effects are unREAL but i do think we should also appreciate how absolute insane the plotlines of his original movies get. at least two movies with in universe catastrophes with major ecological implications. the guns and explosions. theres that one movie i havent seen yet with the guy who turns into a chair (?)
#just watched weathering with you. it was really good. REALLY good#i remember when it came out people were saying it was better than your name. but now it seems the general opinion switched?#your name changed my brain chemistry and outlook on life. i think weathering with you may do the same#so to me i think they're like on pare with eachother. i dont know if i can choose which is my fav now LOL#they are sisters to me..... sisters to me...... quick review below watch out for spoilers#i dont think i'll be too detailed but i do also just recommend watching it its a great movie#I DID like the soundtrack in your name a BIT better like the score had a few more hooks for me and i loved all the insert songs#while in wwy i liked the last three inserts but the first couple didnt really grab me. but its all radwimps so its all good LOL#the side characters in wwy were so good tho like i loved all the cast so much#of course i adored the main characters of your name and wwy both. but the side cast in wwy ruled i think i'll remember them for a long time#the taki jumpscare was also great. my boy was here. my boy was here. just for a minute#i also adored how unhinged the main character of wwy was. hodaka was like. a bit unwell? HJKDJHKFD i thought it was great#weird and quiet but desperately a bit violent in a way that i think was very relatable#i also loved the like. message? sorry that sounds sappy but i liked that like the story was kind of like#coming to hina who is working so hard and forced by herself and circumstance to grow up so early and sacrifice so much#and grabbing her by the shoulders and telling her YOU CAN LIVE!!! YOU CAN HAVE FUN!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!#i think it was so sweet and such a strong sentiment. wonderful movie. also there was guns and i was so scared#i think that might actually by why i love how high stakes the plots get in these movies like the character design and personalities are so#real and down to earth so when you go to the beautiful planetary skyscapes and also the exploding vehicals you get like so in awe or scared#it does also make me laugh tho now thinking about the your name nendos. you can just barely make nendos of them. you cannot make a nendo of#hodaka. hina maybe. but not hodaka. he is. some guy. the most some guy. visually at least. mentally hes got. something happening <3#loved him so much. hes normal. hes normal. oh they did make some popup parades thats cute#altho it is a bit funny looking. that is just like two normal teenagers JHKLDSHKFDLSafdjksd#anyway next up i'll probably watch the chair movie. ive heard a couple songs from it and they were pretty good so im excited#it also makes me realize i need to watch more of his back catalogue other than 5cm.... he has way more movies than i remembered#i hope someday he gets to make the yuri movie he wanted to. it would be unreal. huge beautiful skys. ecological disasters. girls kissing#oh i hope he gets to do it one day..... one day.....#EDIT: WAIT THEY DID MAKE A NENDO OF HODAKA AND HINA.... LIKE FULL NENDOS NOT EVEN PETITE.....#HODAKA REALLY DOES JUST LOOK LIKE SOME DUDE.... AWESOME
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
So me and my friend played Sky again because of your au, and I can’t stop laughing because at some point my friend told me to follow them and I accidentally forgot to jump and then I watched as they proceeded to fly into every wall possible and then get stuck out of bounds.
And ever since then I can’t stop thinking about how it fits Ace and Luffy in your sky au
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b14fa01e5af8fe1c8b6750066bf9f160/efe33284bfa1a0ad-8e/s540x810/56e15a08e7d3cadfbbad5118aad7ff1c9563e275.jpg)
Real that’s so real
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/373347595791aeeaf85c9605ded746b4/efe33284bfa1a0ad-4e/s540x810/c6383f410c8b634b43855838fdfe7b71f761218b.jpg)
And then he gets stuck in the floor
#YOU PLAYED SKY AGAIN BECAUSE OF ME???? I DON’T EVEN PLAY SKY MUCH ANYMORE I GOT BURNT OUT#YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE LIKE MY AU????????#sky au#art#one piece#sky: cotl#monkey d luffy#sky: children of the light#sky is so buggy getting stuck out of bounds is just a part of the expereince#idk if anyone remembers because they fixed it ages back but remember when the sanctuary islands just had gaping holes in them#and you could just walk through it#and going up from the village of dreams to the hermit thingy place you’d suddenly teleport above the clouds#or end up randomly sent to a different floaty boat thingy#first time i saw aurora’s concert i got stuck in the floor deadass#during the end of the seed#i was just watching everything from below#i’ve decided that noclipping is possible in my au /j
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight
#rambling#Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one)#Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No#Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No#What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc#they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil#But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish#and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right?#'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!'#That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child#And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the#societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human#From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol#I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast#She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices#I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever#It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse#As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation#It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember#how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven#I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones#You get the idea#Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night#I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment#Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!'#And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect#Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lately I've been ruminating about my Eak headcanons some more and I'm trying to like... Manage the level of angst I want to work with.
#because I've been thinking some more about that one line he has. about losing two people#and what that could possibly mean for him#if we consider that the other person he's referring to is cami then that probably means she's in as much danger as towntrap#which is interesting considering the fact that eak doesn't seem all that worried about himself#does he think owynn couldn't or wouldn't hurt him but would hurt the other two?#or does he put his own safety below the safety of his friends? because that's some spicy characterization#however the fact that towntrap is confused and generally doesn't seem to understand how dangerous owynn is#leads me to believe that towntrap is in fact not fully aware of the gravity of the situation#is it just because he's stupid or did eak not inform him? is that why he cut himself off?#lots of potential theorization about just how much eak knows in comparison to everyone else- about the plan and about owynn#but also. if cami is not the other person he lost and he's referring another matter that happened before#that opens a HUGE number of possibilities to explore#I remember when I first entered the fandom I made a whole plot up about eak having an older brother that worked for owynn's boss#so that brother gave him some crumbs of insider information which is how he knows more than the others#except at some point his brother fully cut contact with him and his whole family so eak is like#kind of freaked out to find out later that cami is ropped into that sort of thing too#and trying to untangle this whole mess without ending up dead#I don't remember right now why I abandoned the idea of giving him an older brother but I might being it back#anyway. sorry for the 1AM incoherent eak ramble#fnafhs
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
my hair has been cut!
#it's not exactly what i was hoping for‚ but it is much shorter - which means it's lighter‚ very good for summer.#of course it hasn't been that hot for the last few days but the heat will spike again‚ i've heard.#and i've been wanting a haircut for a little while‚ so this was relieving ^^#it's about up to my chin right now. now that i've also had a shower‚ my waves are back#im remembering my shock the first time i looked in the mirror and realised my hair was naturally wavy#i don't even know if it is.#if i meticulously brush everything out it can pass as 1a. and if i leave it unchecked?#well up to my chin it's 2a‚ this specific path on my right side is like two steps more than that and the last bits of my hair below that/#/have *curls*.#therefore i don't even know what texture it is.#🌙rambling
1 note
·
View note
Text
i’m so excited to see troy’s dad i listened to the rolled today and apparently it’s not what we expect so like is he gonna be like amazing or is he going to somehow be worse then troy like what happened im so excited
#my troy playlist will definitely need edits lol but to be fair the description is ‘vibe read 2 episodes in’ it was never going to be accurat#e#also like a month ago i was so convinced w the clockwork troy theory and i still really really love it and i want it so bad but idk im not#as convinced anymore#on my pin board i have two sections for him lol#the normal section i have for everyone#and below it a section ‘merge if this turns out canon’#cause it was so fucking cool and i wanted to explore it even though its still theory#there’s also some vibe reads in there as well#i haven’t looked at it since the last two eps tho since i was so busy starting school so maybe it’s time to overhaul#i feel like my pinterest alone could get me an autism diagnosis but alas i don’t want one lmao#me and the desire to collect and ‘collage’ things that remind me of a thing#and it’s all incomprehensibly organized#i’ve said it a hundred times i’ll say it again my pinterest is somehow more embarrassing then my tumblr#i just give people my tumblr#to be fair pinterest is prolly easy to find i accidentally found condis somehow but like#i did not mean to find it either i reallllly hope his last name is already public info cause if not someone other then me could also find it#intentionally or not#cause tbh i just wanted to see if people uploaded screenshots of his mc skins or stuff#i didn’t know what to do so i immediately closed it again and proceeded to immediately forget his last name#benefits of a bad memory#accidentally learned someone’s deadname once (yearbook fucking sucks they did they same to me even after i filled out the name change form)#and i don’t remember it anymore i blocked it out lol#i forget stuff that stresses me out and knowing someone’s birth name when they don’t want people to stresses me out#anyway there’s my rambles fo today i’m so sorry#like if you’re still reading though that’s on you to be fair#my post#also hopefully i didn’t say too much about the rolled but ive seen people post whole clips so i think im okay#to be fair for me personally when i hear something about something i just want the primary source even more#like if you paraphrased it i want the EXACT WORDS FEOM THEIR MPUTH WHAT IF TOU MKSSED SOMETJING WHAT IF WHAT IF primary source my beloved
0 notes