#there’s not many guys brave enough to admit they like being feminine

[i-like-forcefem]

After debating for a bit I've decided that I'm a cis femboy, but I'm still heavily into the concept of forcefem so feel free to attempt to change my mind :3c

Wow you’re a dumb girl aren’t you?

You’re already half way there, but you still jump to the obviously wrong conclusion, you like being feminine, you enjoy being called a cutie, even your profile picture is pink, there’s no room for arguing here, you’re a girl!

Simple as that~

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[magnolia-sunrise]

The way you explore Bastien’s sense of identity through his presentation reminds me of an OC of mine, so they might see eye to eye in at least some respects! My guy Evan (he/him) is a fat trans man who figured out he was trans a little late into his teenage years because he was too preoccupied being the third parent to his three younger siblings. Eventually this fact about himself was too strong for him to ignore, though, and thus he quickly began the process of socially transitioning and gradually sought medical transition as well. He changed names several times throughout this period (Callum, Beck, Rory, and many others among them)

His parents… They weren’t *un*supportive, but in the very least his mother, who saw a lot of herself in her oldest child, indulged his desire to transition while never quite shaking his deadname out of her vocabulary, you know? Especially with him changing names *so* often, it’s just *so* hard to remember which one is right these days. And Evan wanted to maintain a relationship with his parents for a long time (honestly what he wanted was to stay close to his siblings, the youngest of whom is 13 years younger than him). It wasn’t until after he met his eventual spouse, Isador (he/she), who called him by the right name consistently, who encouraged him to experiment and figure out what he liked about being trans, and who showed him what supportive family looks like (Isador was raised by her grandmother who absolutely loves the hell out of her grandkid), that he eventually got the courage to confront his parents. This eventually leads to him going no-contact with said parents, although his siblings reach back out to him on their own

It takes a WHILE for Evan to feel comfortable circling back to femininity for himself, and to feel totally comfortable in his body even then. He grows out a beard and dresses in layers to kind of hide how his body looks underneath. He pushed his feminine hobbies and interests to the side Hard when he started socially transitioning, because he convinced himself he Had to, and instead leans hard into new hobbies like handiwork and cars. Once again he’s content to simply push through the feelings as though they’re small, until they’re too big to ignore. Years down the line, after he and Isador are married, he can admit to himself that Christina Aguilera may still be one of his favourite artists. After they have a daughter together, he comes back to the mending skills he learned as a kid in order to fix her dolls — and maybe even make her some, when he feels brave enough

Evan also tends to be good at reading people and social settings, and if he knew Bastien to any degree, I think he’d be thrilled to see how their sense of personal style and the way they carry themselves changes over time. It’s good to see :)

(Wolfgang and Isador would also absolutely queen out. That’s a separate thing skhdjssjg)

(sorry for getting to this a bit late i got this ask as i was heading out!)

helloooo Evan(and Isador!!) so nice to meet them :") <3 !

really really love how much care and love you put into his story and the realistic and long identity journey (some of the family stuff really hits so hard).

i don't post about this stuff much since its not relevant to the story and i like exploring my characters identities in relation to each other but Bastien left his family when he was fairly young to get himself out of that town and that deeply supressive environment and off to med school as far away as possible, and they've been no contact pretty much since. he used to be a twinkish dyke, and then a dykish twink early on in university and that environment was really fundamental in experimenting with gender and sexuality for him. he was also really lonely, and unsure of anything - getting himself DIY testoterone and then waffling whether he actually wanted to go on it, then waffling about some of the changes, then waffling about top surgery (so he spent some years walking around with mustache and tits) just. a lot of anxiety and stress all the time, they preferred to just put their studies ahead of anything else and only engage in sexuality in terms of one night flings on campus. then after one dramatic event and a shoulder injury, continuing studies was no longer an option and his life just. shattered.

this is where Matteo came into his life in a bigger way, and immediately he was someone really attractive because he seemed so confident, his life figured out, future lined out. it was intoxicating to be in the presence of someone so self assured without a care in the world. who in turn also accepted Bastien - at least back then, when he was a depressed twink Matteo could "save"- and motivated him. but ultimately it was like jumping from one form loneliness and isolation into another form of it, now depending on his cis partner, surrounded by Matteos cis rich friends. his body still changing, gaining weight, feeling unattractive to his partner and locked into specific way of gender and sexuality expression, losing sense of his identity and what they even wanted to do with their life. its so alienating.

all this is to say-- i think if Bastien knew somemone like Evan early on, he would have really loved to have a friend like that - someone going through similar experiences i feel like they could have found a lot of strength and support in each other :") i think if they stayed in touch and friendly over the years, they could have been really positive influences on each other and maybe Bastien would not have such deep seated issues opening up to other people and even to himself. lost in the thought imagining the happiness Bastien would feel visiting Evan's family and seeing the pure love and joy there and what it took to get there its just :"))))) maybe he even would have the strength to leave his unhappy relationship seeing what it's like to be *actually* really accepted when seeing how Isador loves Evan :"))

thank you for sharing!!

[ay-chuu]

hioooo I finally decided to make an order, take as long as you need for it :33, well I would like headcanons for pomefiore with a fem mc who used to be a stubborn and naughty little girl but after graduation, she became an icon in cinema and fashion like the divine audrey hepburn, I mean all that air that radiated fragile and radiant, looking both childish and feminine, sweet and graceful, well in summary mc being Audrey hepburm version twisted Wonderland (* ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟthank you and take care <3

Twisted Blonde

Pairing: Pomefiore students x fem!reader

Warning: The "blonde" in the title and headcanons is referring to "dumb/smart blonde" roles, so please dont take it as appereance reference <3

A/N: Hi love, sorry for late responding. Here you go <3 Hope you'll like it!

Vil Schoenheit:

You can turn to the best person in the world if you wish. Vil will remember the old you and hold a secret grudge and jealousy. He was able to grasp your talent when he first saw you, but! With your behavior, you can't even go near the dorm, let alone study with him. Vil doesn't like spoiled and mischievous, oh unless you want a first hand etiquette lesson from him ;) (Vil... calm down man...)

Still... Vil can't hold back the voices in his heart for very long. And the reason it came to light was one day when he compared you to Epel. He got weird when he saw that sweet face and kind smile in the magazine one night. Just like Epel, you had a distorted but good personality. Maybe that's why you were here... "Twisted" in Wonderland.

One day, you sent him a sincere letter apologizing for your past behavior. And that really impressed Vil because you didn't have the personality and the place to be praised without effort like Neige, or you didn't give up on your stubbornness like Epel. (And you didn't take pride in nonsense like him but he will never admit that...)

Let's say he couldn't swallow his pride and took you to a date and made you have the best night despite his rude behavior.

Oh Romeo, Juliet can change personality many times over... But you're in love with her, remember? (;

Rook Hunt:

Rook is the only one who will accept you both before and after. He finds any personality trait beautiful, let's say you crack an egg on the guy's head. He will praise the way you shoot and the way you show emotion ✋️ However, the person who he fall in love with will be the next you. Because oh, in the name of beauty, the fragrance and dignity of a grown flower that has discovered itself... who wouldn't fall in love with you, Mon amour

One day, he went to one of your theater plays and started crying in the middle of the skit for the ballerina role you played. Well... although the audience found it strange, he just saw it as a flow of emotions. Ah, you beautiful black swan, how beautifully you describe yourself.

You were just shocked when you noticed the man in the middle of the game, Rook, has always been a strangely fascinating mystery to you. So, to both cover the sweet wounds from your past and shoot through the heart with an arrow through the receptive eye of a hunter, you gently sent him a kiss at the end of the show and pointed backstage with your body language.

After the coffee and conversation on that set, Rook wanted to text Vil excitedly to let him know that he had found his true love.

Ah, black swan, let your heart steal your passion from you with the greed of his heart you hit him with an arrow, let your heart be so greedy that its love fills it...    

Epel felmier:

Epel admired you a lot, even though he treated you a little differently than vil did. Because you were brave and fearless enough to do any kind of behavior that he couldn't. And frankly... After your change, when he looked at you, he saw the shadow of himself. But he was no longer the angel and you were the devil. You were the complete opposite. Like black and white.

Epel, who was already impressed by you from the very beginning, admired and emulated you in the show you gave to warm the people of the village in his town, no matter how deeply he refused and wanted to defend his manhood. He wants to play games like this too! Why is it that only gentlemen prefer blondes, after all, aren't blondes is the one who decide to end?

After the show, you shook the hand of Epel's grandmother with a sweet smile. . "Hello... I didn't know seeing you would bring so much happiness..." Epel said, trying to maintain the tone of his voice and the beating of his heart. The ex thought, he loved you more. Oh dear, opposites used to attract, don't you know, sweet poison apple?

That night, he gave you a tour of his town, and both he and his family pressured you to stay there a little longer. Well... you couldn't say no to the beautiful face and the kind grandmother. Even after leaving town, your conversations with Epel have progressed quite a bit and are starting to reach your desired ranks. Still, if he didn't had Rook, that stupid boy would adored you too much to not understand that his feelings are love.

What do you prefer, miss lorelei? A kiss or a diamond? Oh don't be afraid of choice! Because this lover can be both your poisonous kiss and the most beautiful diamond that suits your hand...

[daydream-believin]

Sure Took You Long Enough, Babe

Summary: (wlw) Reader pulls an all-nighter with coworker Zoe

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, uh i think i remember mentioning people doing drugs, that trademark wlw obliviousness

Word Count: 4374

a/n: g-g-gorlfren... *slaps roof of fic* this baby can fit so many gay fantasy tropes in it. yes, the bars in cali stay open till 4am idk

Your alarm blared it’s cheery tune, startling you awake. Strangely enough, the happy melody never inspired happiness, just rage. Yet, ever the eager beaver, you shot right up and slammed the button as you slid out of bed, not allowing yourself to dilly-dally. As much as you’d like to stay asleep for three more hours at the least, you forced yourself into a good start for the day. Today was the first day of your new part-time job at Hextech, and lucky you, you got the morning shift. Curse of being fresh meat, you supposed. As long as you could make it through the day without getting too terribly hazed, you’d be fine.

Back home in Arcadia Oaks for the summer, you’d needed a new job or you’d go crazy. What were you supposed to do? Relax? Nah. You’d start taking double shifts as soon as you could. It was a bit tricky finding somewhere that would be a good fit for you. Okay, that was a lie. It was a bit tricky finding somewhere that would even be willing to hire you, apparently. Really knocked your pride down a few pegs.

By a strike of fortune, you had been catching up with one of your old high school buddies over coffee yesterday. You know, the one you used to hang out in the graveyard and practice tarot reading with? Yeah, Evan. It was nice to be able to talk to someone who was just as excited as you were that My Chemical Romance was back. When you two ordered, he pulled out that old joke about taking his coffee black like his soul and it still made you laugh as much as it did in high school. Evan was doing good, new boyfriend, new job, new band. You felt happy for your friend. You were happy that he was happy. He deserved it.

After you’d lamented that you couldn’t find work, he told you about how lately he’d been working for that electronic store Hextech. Not subtly named, was it? He’d told you about how it was run by hedgewizards like you two. They only hired through connections, since they were a magical company run by magical people. You, thankfully, had one of those connections. Your buddy put in a good word for you and, just like that, you were in. They put you on the schedule crazy fast. Like, the first shift of the very next day fast. Good. You were going out of your mind having so much free time. Your relatives were starting to ask you *shutter* questions about your personal life.

You looked in the mirror, slicked back your hair into a neat style, and admired how you looked in your new work shirt. Of course, it would eventually join the trophy quilt of old work shirts you were making, but for now it was nice and new. A pretty baby blue, it will go well sewed next to the royal blue Domino’s shirt from last semester. You added about a dozen earrings to your ears as a finishing touch and headed downstairs. After downing your coffee and hastily scarfing down a still-warm blueberry muffin, you kissed your grandmother’s cheek goodbye as you headed out the door. You tossed a crumpled muffin to the crows waiting by the front door. The greedy bastards inhaled every crumb. As much as you loved having a job again, the sun was still asleep when you started your walk to work. Fuck that.

As you walked through the door at Hextech, you were astonished to see the absolute angel who was waiting there for you. An absolute angel who looked kinda hungover, actually. Well, it was 6 AM on a Sunday. The doors didn’t actually open to customers until seven, but you were here at the ass-crack of dawn so she could train you some before throwing you to the customer wolves. Said pink-haired angel introduced herself as Zoe. What a fitting name for someone as cute and feisty as her. You had to catch yourself from staring too much into her striking blue eyes, that reminded you of lightning, pure electricity, before she caught you. And really, they were distracting. It was hard to focus on what she was telling you, which was a bad thing since she was giving you vital information. You forced yourself to focus. As much as you could.

After going over the ropes of working the wizard-bar, she took you through a cool hidden door to show you around the back. The back had such wonderful rooms as the kitchen that someone microwaved fish in yesterday, workrooms, one of which had a poor guy who looked like her never left last night, tinkering away at some techy-thing, the room Zoe introduced as the room she went to scream in, and a common-room type thing with a sick floor to ceiling screen (or was it a window?), depicting a soothing nature scene. She told you that after you had been working in the front for a while and proved yourself, your bosses would move you up to the repairs and phone troubleshooting. Maybe even invention if you were talented enough. That filled you with dread, despite the inspiration it was supposed to be. You had to admit, you knew almost nothing about the technical/repairs side of electronics and you did not belong here. You were more of a coding/hacking type of hedgewizard. You’d have to fake it till you make it. You were sure Zoe could tell you were bullshitting through this, but thankfully she was gracious enough not to call you out on it. Although, you didn’t mind that impish grin that found it’s place on her face.

Damn. You did not need to get involved with a coworker. No matter how enchanting she was. Or how pretty. This was just a summer job. You would be moving back across California for school soon enough and you were not going to do long-distance again. Although, is a few hours really that long? Definitely not as long as your last relationship. Shut up shut up shut up. No. You don’t even know if this chick is into girls, don’t get ahead of yourself. Mmm, she is very pretty though. You can admire from afar. What’s the harm in that?

There was much, much harm. Stars, you had it bad. You had only been at Hextech for a month now and it felt like hell. Perhaps it was hell. Maybe you were dead, and this was your eternal punishment. Damned to forever pine after the loveliest wizard you had ever met. She took a liking to you instantly too, inviting you out for drinks that first night, and every weekend after that. And she’d invited you over to her place for movie nights and to hang out with her friends. Some nights she’d take you to go dancing with her. She’d taken to calling you Baby. Perfectly normal things for gals being pals right. You guessed this is what girl besties do. You wouldn’t know, you’d only ever really hung with guys. Really feminine goth guys, sure, but guys nonetheless. She seemed hellbent on spending time with you. Not that you were complaining, but it just made your emotions stronger. And harder to shove back into the abyss.

~ ~ ~

One Friday night, you two were just chilling up in your bedroom. A rest before one of coworker’s birthday party tomorrow night. Zoe was telling you that she really wanted to try out a new makeup technique. And you told her she could try it out on you. The joy that painted itself across her features is something that will be burned into your memory forever. But not as high a degree of burn as what came next. Zoe straddled your waist, eyeliner pen in hand, and pushed you back against the headboard so she could better reach your eyes. Your breath caught in your throat. You were helpless to do anything but stare at her face that was in super close proximity to yours. You were caught in a trance as you obeyed when she told you to do this or that so she could properly apply the makeup. Her pink lips were pursed in concentration, and her pink banged strayed into her face. Her signature pink style matched the pink of your cheeks. You were sure she could feel your heart pounding, her elbows were on your chest, basically. She moved on to eyeshadow. Weird, you were always an eyeshadow first kinda person but who were you to critique this goddess’s methods. As she rolled on the perfectly matching lipstick onto your lips, you couldn’t help but think about this being an indirect kiss. This lipstick has been all over her lips and now it’s on yours? Stars.

Once she was finished with her masterpiece, she leaned back to take a good look at it. You felt the heat blaze under your skin as her blue eyes scanned your face. Finally, she seemed satisfied and nodded. Zoe helped you up and you went to go check it out in the mirror hanging on your wall. It was brightly colored, garish even, yet perfect, in your opinion. Like Zoe’s personality distilled into something you could wear. She crept up behind you and put her hands on your shoulders as you both admired her skills.

“My best work yet if I do say so, Y/n,” She grinned like a Cheshire cat, “Hmm, I know it’s already like, 3 in the morning and we’re supposed to be relaxing, but we should go and show this off.”

You both had a shift in four hours but you didn’t know how to say no to those eyes. “Alright, Zo,”

You grabbed your jackets on the way out, careful not to wake any of the other inhabitants of the house, but unable to keep the giggles in. Zoe had thought it would be fun to swap jackets, and you weren’t going to say no to that. Her jacket was cozy, black leather, and smelled of her rosy perfume. You never wanted to take it off. When you put it on, her eyes lingered on your form, commenting how good it made you look. You were very thankful for the cover of darkness that hid your flush, rosy like her perfume. You thought she looked marvelous in yours too, but you weren’t as brave in order to say that out loud.

Suddenly you were in some club across town, being introduced to Zoe’s friend Mimi who was working the bar that night. Mimi looked you up and down, then cocked her brows and clicked her tongue, while nodded to Zoe? Who turned pink and angrily said something under her breath to her friend. You couldn’t make out what she said over the music, you were too busy trying not to put too much weight on this interaction. Telling your heart to stop jumping. Jumping just gets you hurt. Mimi snickered as she scurried off to the other side of the bar to fix up your drinks after Zoe finished her rant. She turned back to you and laughed nervously, leaning on the bar.

“That Mimi. What a card.” You nodded in response, not sure what to say.

You three chatted while you sipped at your drinks. Zoe had ordered you something fruity, sweet, and vibrantly colored. It was very tasty, whatever it was. Must have had a high percentage because your head was already fuzzy with just this one. You stopped after finishing it, not fancying being drunk at work, but Zoe got another. Her alcohol tolerance was way stronger than yours. You fucking lightweight. Mimi had started cleaning up since the bar closed soon. Zoe grabbed your hand unexpectedly.

“How about we dance until we get kicked out, Babe?” She said with a sparkle in her eye.

“Uh- y- yeah,” was all you managed to get out before she pulled you over to the dance floor. It was almost vacant, since it was nearing 4am and most people had either moved on for the night, passed out on one of the club’s couches, or were getting their fix in the bathroom. Nice. It was like the floor was just for you two. Zoe was really jazzed, spinning you around to whatever trashy party song was playing. It was infectious. Her energy, not the song. You were having a lot of fun with the pink girl dancing with you. She tossed her hair back laughing at one point. Right then and there, you decided to throw all those things stopping you out the window. If you missed her come fall, you’d just drive the trip to see her. It would be worth it.

The other trio of people who had been dancing left, and now it really was just you two. It would have felt like just you two even if the floor was full. As the current song ended, the DJ looked at you in sympathy. “Alright guys, this is the last song okay, we close in ten.” He switched it to a Viper song.

“OH! I love this song!” Zoe’s smile got even bigger. You didn’t know that was possible. Somehow, she got an energy boost too. You had completely no idea how the firecracker you were with could stay lit well into the morning. If it wasn’t for your manic pixie dream girl here, you’d be groggy by now. She flittered around you, having a blast. It was adorable. She mouthed the words of the song to you, which would have been rather cute if they hadn’t been considerably sexual lyrics. You felt that blush come back for the umpteenth time that night. And she had that impish grin plastered across her face again, like she knew what she was doing. Zoe had gotten closer to you as the song winded down, you hadn’t noticed until it faded out altogether. Your eyes were wide. She booped your nose, giggling. You blinked, surprised. You felt your heart squeeze at how fucking cute that was.

She took your hand again as she pulled you over to go give Mimi a quick hug goodbye before you two left. You still had two and a half hours to kill until your shifts started at six thirty. Zoe’s favourite coffee house wouldn’t be open until five. As much as a nap sounded good right now, you both knew that it would just make you sleepier. And grumpier from being woken up after such a short time. Might as well pull out an old goth kid staple.

“Wanna go hang around in the graveyard?”

~ ~ ~

Zoe tossed her head back laughing so hard she hit the gravestone she was leaning against.

“Oof, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” She rubbed her head and turned back to look check the name on the engraving, “Sorry Howard.”

“It’s too late, he’s offended now and he’s gonna haunt us,” you snickered, “Nice going, Zo.”

“Don’t worry Baby, I’ve been working on my exorcism skills. You know, since a certain dumbass brought spirits into the party last week.” Ah, Douxie, what a guy. Of course he hadn’t meant to ruin everyone’s night and release those ghosts. It just sort of happened. He was accident prone and you didn’t understand why people trusted him with cursed stuff like that to begin with. Luckily, within the number of wizards gathered, you guys were eventually able to find a way to banish all the spirits before any real harm came of it. It wasn’t a bad way to spend a Friday night. You got to live out your childhood dream of being a ghostbuster.

You looked around. The cemetery wasn’t as spooky as most people thought it was. Sure, there were strange noises, and endless headstones with disembodied names that meant nothing, and creepy mausoleums that cast big shadows in the moonlight, and a creaky gate that swung back and forth whether there was wind or not, but it wasn’t scary. Well, maybe that was just because you’d spent most nights of your teen years here, so you were desensitized to it. Zoe didn’t seem to mind it one bit either.

You glanced up and saw three of your crow friends on the top of the mausoleum across from you and Zoe. If crows could smirk these would be smirking. Fuckers. They were always around whenever you’d go out with Zoe. Watching so they could tease you later. Damn nosy birds. Why did you ever start feeding them. They were even there in a set of three, just to mock you. They may as well be singing “Y/n and Zoe sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

You ignored the crows, pulling out your phone and flipping to your ebook app. Because you know what would make this just like old times? Some dramatic goth poetry. What a way to woo a girl. Zoe was fond of the idea of some poetry reading too. She told you that you could pick. At first you thought to read some Poe, perhaps starting with ‘Serenade’, but decided against it lest the bastards on the roof started demanding you read them ‘the Raven’. It’s happened before. You settled on some Keats instead. And you knew the perfect poem. A poem you could put all your emotions into. The most sapphic poem ever written by a man, in your opinion. If she didn’t feel the same, you could always deny it and say that you were just getting way into character. Either way it was going to make work weird, but you didn’t think you gave a fuck anymore. Here goes nothing.

“Had I a man’s fair form, then might my sighs

Be echoed swiftly through that ivory shell

Thine ear, and find they gentle heart; so well

Would passion arm me for the enterprise:” You took a big gulp of air. Zoe’s gaze was locked on you, and that didn’t make this any less nerve-wracking. You could feel your hands shaking. “But ah! I am no knight whose foreman dies;

No cuirass glistens on my bosom’s swell;

I am no happy shepherd of the dell

Whose lips have trembled with a maiden’s eyes.” With those words, a sudden burst of boldness in your heart caused you to take her hand. Must be the alcohol. Yes, that which hath made them drunk hath made you bold. Zoe didn’t appear to be breathing anymore. You looked back into her electric blue eyes. “Yet must I dote upon thee, --call thee sweet,

Sweeter by far than Hybla’s honied roses

When steeped in dew rich to intoxication

Ah! I will taste that dew, for me ‘tis meet,” Your voice became breathy as you uttered these last verses. “And when the moon her pallid face discloses,

I’ll gather some by spells, and incantation.” You just froze there, breathing. The ball was in Zoe’s court now. Speak of the devil, she was really close, like really close. When did she get so close. You hadn’t realized. She lifted a finger to your face and brushed a loose strand of hair behind you ear. Your breath caught in your throat. She drew closer, your noses touching now. Her eyes slipped down into a half lid. Your eyes flicked to her lips and she watched you. It occurred to you that she was waiting for you to close the gap. So you did.

It was fireworks. Of course, you were kissing a firecracker herself. It was a sweet kiss, but laced with that fire. You both pulled back for air, but quickly returned to each other’s lips. Zoe’s hands drifted down to your hips and she pulled you into her lap, leaning back up against that headstone. And now you were snogging in the cemetery. Mary Shelley would be proud. Howard, however, was probably pissed off for sure now.

Your breaths mingled as you gasped for air. Zoe caressed your cheek, cupping your face. She chuckled, “It sure took you long enough, Babe. I was starting to think I’d have to spell it out for you.”

You all but collapsed back into her arms, exasperated. Stars, it sure did take you long enough, didn’t it. You could hear and feel Zoe’s snort through her chest. You raised back up to gaze into those baby blues. A pang of adoration shot through your heart like one of cupid’s cursed arrows.

“How about I buy coffee, for our first official date?” Zoe agreed to your offer. You got off of her, legs wobbling like a baby deer. Speaking of deer, you were happy to see that the herd that usually hangs out here in the graveyard in the early hours was peacefully grazing around you two. You hadn’t noticed them come in, too busy snogging. You reached out a hand and helped Zoe up. You two brushed the grass off your clothes and gave one last apology to Howard before setting off for the coffee shop. Zoe checked her phone for the time. It was 5:23, you two still had almost a full hour to spend lounging in the coffeeshop before you had to head off to Hextech. Zoe reached for your hand as you walked back to Zoe’s bike. You threaded your fingers together. Something as small as that shouldn’t have felt as nice as it did. But it did.

You completely adored riding on the back of Zoe’s motorcycle. You got to cling to her, arms around her waist, pretending that you were holding her for romantic reasons and not so you wouldn’t fall off a moving automobile. You wouldn’t have to just pretend any longer now. The thought made you giddy. And now that you think about it, that was probably why Zoe had insisted on giving you rides everywhere for the past month. You were so fucking oblivious. It was painful. Thank the stars above she was patient with you. You snuggled further into her back, inhaling that rosy perfume. It truly was intoxicating, Keats. A girl could get used to this.

~ ~ ~

The coffee house barista recognized you two as you walked in and started making your orders that he had memorized. He greeted you cordially as you handed over the cash. He looked down at Zoe’s hand joined with yours, raising his eyebrows teasingly but not saying anything. Did everyone in this fucking town know about you two before you did? You think you might have beaten that Parisian catboy at his own game. How embarrassing.

Zoe got cozy on you guy’s usual couch while you carried over the coffee. After you set the mugs on the coffee table and plopped down, Zoe swung her legs up onto the couch, and over your lap. Didn’t exactly take you by surprise. Zoe often sat like this. You were used to it. Wait, was this also flirting? Stars, you didn’t even know anymore. This was so confusing. She noticed the face journey you had taken with the internal struggle, and grinned, shrugging her arm around your shoulders to ease you. You snatched your cup of the table and downed as much as you could handle before it got too hot. You were still really nervous, despite her being very clear about how she felt, and Zoe thought that was pretty funny.

“So, we’re gonna have to say something to people tonight,” Zoe started.

You just nodded in response. Hopefully this wasn’t going to make anything weird. You hadn’t been working at Hextech long enough to know how the dynamics worked. Maybe someone had been pining after Zoe too and now hated you. Maybe someone was Zoe’s ex and now hated you. Maybe someone was just really homophobic and now hated you. There were plenty of possibilities, you could go on.

“I was thinking we should wear these matching dresses I found last week, and sort of bought already, to double our cute couple factor.” She had murmured that middle part but you still heard it loud and clear. You had to hold back a squeak. That was so sweet. And adorable. She just saw the dresses in the shop and thought to herself ‘I want to wear that with Y/n’? You could die right now. You settled for downing more of that coffee.

“Yes! That’s so cool? I- What color are they?” You didn’t know how to handle this.

Zoe pulled out her phone and leaned over to show you the pics she took of them. They were matching, made of the same brown floral-patterned fabric, but different styles. Either one would go great with Zoe’s leather jacket, which you were still wearing. You’d go for your denim one. Not the purple jacket that currently hung off Zoe’s shoulders. The colors wouldn’t clash but the style of it would. This was going to be awesome, anyways. Matching dresses, telling your friends the best news you’ve had all year, having fun at the party, not having to spend the whole night miserably shoving your feelings aside? You couldn’t wait.

“Which one do you want?” You picked the looser, more flowy one. Zoe was more comfortable with tight stuff that showed off her body. You had a sneaking suspicion she already knew you’d pick that one, and was giving you the illusion of choice. It was sweet, really. Your phone alarm went off, alerting you that it was time to start the walk for work. All the relaxing time was gone. A crying shame, but you’d still get to spend the day with your favourite person just the same, so not truly that big of a loss. Albeit, Zoe didn’t look too pleased to have to go back to work. Laughing, you stood to your feet, and held out your arm for her to link through.

“Shall we go milady?” You two waved to the barista as you headed out the door. “I think you should do our makeup for the party again, really show off this time.” Zoe perked up, excited at the prospect as Hextech neared.

“And I’ll show off my hot new girlfriend too.” There was that damned blush again.

[agentwhiskeysdarlin]

Permanent

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: smutty goodness my friends, use of spit as lube (is that a warning idk), unprotected sex (as I always say wrap it before you tap it), fluff at the end

Word Count: 1,844

Author’s Notes: this was a request from @sabinemorans​ that was meant to be fluffy and cute and oops my fingers slipped and I made it smutty. I also left a cliffhanger cause there could possibly be (not making any promises) a part 2. I have an extreme weakness for the cuteness that comes with Din exposing his real name to reader but I made it smutty this time (once again oops). I hope you guys enjoy this one as much as the last. I enjoy very much writing for our wonderful Mandalorian. 

ao3 link for story

  The market was not very busy thankfully. It was nice for a change to not feel like you had to look over your shoulder every few seconds. Mando had seemed extra relaxed on this planet and you could see why. It was beautiful yet simple and there was not very many creatures roaming it and the market was incredible. You were almost overwhelmed when you stepped within the different vendors, none of them as pushy as they were in other places. Mando had not went far but he did need to gather supplies and the fact that he felt okay enough to leave you alone made you relax for once.

  Your fingers seemed to wonder to the clothes that settled on a table and you wanted so badly to purchase something a little more feminine to wear but you were not sure what Mando would allow credits to be spent on so easily. You glanced up at the next booth and your mouth pulled into a smile when you saw the stacks and stacks of books. They were such a rare find and you always had to sniff through them to find languages you could read but you were so excited to finally be somewhere they were even sold. You hurried your way over and began to scan the spines slowly. Mando entered in the corner of your eye and you looked up smiling like a complete idiot.

  “They have actual books,” you said almost a bit too excited and you immediately toned yourself back.

  Mando was a lot looser around you than he was with most people. You had forced him to become this way with you due to your over friendly manners but once he relaxed his shoulders and you started to hear more of his voice you were pleased with yourself. It helped that the two of you had been traveling together for almost a year and a half. You had once upon a time been a bounty until Mando found out who he was capturing you for and how incredibly terrible they were to you and instead took you in to protect you. You had grown fond of him quicker than you cared to admit and the two of you seemed to fall into a bit of a romantic relationship recently. Shared kisses in the darkness of the Razor Crest and sleeping in the same cot was the extent of it but silently you knew that Mando’s feelings were slowly starting to match yours.

  “Get you a few,” Mando’s voice pulled you back to reality as it spoke through his modulator.

  “Wait are you sure we can afford it?” You turned to look at him imagining his eyes hidden away behind the visor.

  “I have a few credits put back. We will be fine.”

  You could have squealed with excitement but you kept it to yourself, your smile only spreading wider and you let your face do your talking for you. You turned back to the books scanning again over the spins. You picked several up in familiar languages scanning the backs of them before picking out three that sounded good. Mando paid the vendor and you tugged them in your bag before the two of you started walking to check the rest of the vendors out. Your hand swung next to you side and finally you braved yourself and let your fingers lace in between the gloved ones of The Mandalorian. Mando tensed and you gulped thinking you had made a mistake but then he squeezed your hand back and you couldn’t help but look at him with a smile. 

  He never once let go of your hand the rest of the time you wondered through the market or even on your walk back to the ship. A comfortable silence had settled its way between the two of you until you were back in the ship. The suns had already set and darkness swirled all around you. Mando pulled you into the ship, closed the hatch, and had ever light off before you could even think twice. You almost asked him what he was doing, your heart rate picking up in worry until you heard his helmet being removed and then his lips crashed against yours. He backed you up against the nearest wall his still gloved hand coming up and cupping your cheek the other one snaking around you to pull you closer. You relaxed against him kissing him back deeply. You never thought either of you would ever come up for air put his lips finally pulled away from yours and making their way across your jaw and down your neck. Your head settled on the wall behind you and you panted finding his hair and lacing your fingers in the locks and letting out the smallest of whimpers.

  “Mando please,” it was a desperate whine of wonder what was actually happening here.

  “Din,” the word was mumbled against your neck and your overly heightened state could be playing tricks on you but did he just tell you his real name?

  “Wait hold on what?” You pulled at his hair to regrettable pull him away from you.

  “Din. It’s my real name. I need to hear your scream it when I fuck you,” he growled and then he was on you again.

  You didn’t have time to process the moment, the excitement nothing before his hands were everywhere removing your clothes and his armor. His lips and teeth marked every spot of skin they could possibly find and you were a moaning, whimpering, panting mess completely at your bounty hunters mercy. 

  “Din please,” you whined again desperate for him to touch you where you needed him most.

  “What do you want cyar’ika?” He growled in your ear.

  “You, your fingers, anything please Din.”

  His fingers found your clit and began to rub quick, small circles on it causing your knees to give out and you to once again let your head fall back. Din held you up with his body so close you could feel his hard cock against your upper leg. He let his fingers dip in your entrance and gave you several pumps causing your moan to grow louder.

  “So tight and already so wet. I can’t wait to feel you around me cyar’ika. Been waiting for this for a long time,” his voice was sending chills down your spin.

  “So ready for you, been waiting for forever too,” you let out a chuckle your words coming out barley a whisper the pleasure over taking you.

  His fingers were suddenly gone and you let out a whine in his direction at the sudden lose of him. He picked you up and you quickly wrapped your legs around his waist and he skillfully moved around the ship until he came upon some kind of container that he sat you up on letting you hang off the edge slightly.

  “You ready for me cyar’ika?”

  “Yes please.”

   You were incredibly unsure if you were actually ready. You knew nothing of what he looked like under that armor including just how big he was. It had been a very long time since you had been with a man and you gulped as he wrapped his arms around your thighs and pulled you closer to him. His hand came down on your pussy suddenly and you felt liquid being spread across it, saliva the only lube that was to offer at the moment and you didn’t mind it only pulled another desperate moan from you. He lined himself up and started to push into you. He was big and he began to stretch you almost painfully causing you to pull in air through your nose.

  “Breathe and relax. If it’s too much we will stop,” his voice spoke softly in your ear before he connected his forehead with yours.

  “No keep going…just be slow,” you panted out.

  He moved inch by inch until he was bottomed out inside you, his body fully connected with your and you took a few moments to adjust. 

  “Din move please.”

  He pulled out and snapped his hips forward going fully back inside you. He picked up to a very fast past until the pain subsided and your moans were begging him for me. He had you slightly picked up off the container under you and you had laid back. He started harder and faster fucking you so much that the thing under you was moving. You let out moans mixed with curses grabbing at the edge and white knuckling it. You had never in your life left this amount of pleasure and you never wanted to know anything else ever again.

  “I’m…so…close,” you panted tears of pure pleasure gathering in your eyes.

  “Cum for me cyar’ika. Scream my name,” Din growled bringing you up closer to him by the back of your neck.

  His pace seemed quicken even more and you hit your high with so much intensity you were not entirely sure what slipped past your lips or what your body was fully doing. All you knew was Din and your high the whole universe could have exploded in that moment and you would never have noticed. Din followed you with groans and your name slipping past his lips. He slowed his thrust to get you both through the high before he stopped and you both just held each other letting you both get your breathing and heart rate back in order. He pulled out of you and you couldn’t help the whine that followed. You would never be the same again and you hoped and prayed to the gods that he would be the last man you would ever know. He moved to pick you up bridal style and skillfully again moved around the ship until he was lying you gently on the cot. 

  “Stay right here but don’t look toward the fresher,” he kissed your temple and you nodded closing your eyes.

  It was hard at times not to look but you respected him and his Creed too much to break the biggest vow they had. He shortly returned back in darkness wiping a warm towel in between your legs causing you to jump slightly.

  “Did I hurt you?” His voice as full of worry as he threw the towel away and pulled you to him chest to chest.

  “No not at all. It was amazing,” you smiled and reached up finding his lips with your own before giving them a quick peak.

  You both settled in silence for a few moments. His fingers traced patterns on your back and up your neck causing you to drift off until your memory struck you.

  “So Din huh? What about the Creed?”

  “I hope some other things within the Creed will be followed soon.”

  “What does that mean?” Your brows pulled together in confusion of his words.

  “It means that I want no one else in this universe but you and I hope to make that a permanent thing soon.”

Tagged: @jimmythegirl​ @harrytags​ @arcadianempress​ @discogrrl​ @immundusspiritu​ @someplace-darker​ @beskars​

[lexgivesgayadvice]

hi lex!! first of all i'm very happy to have found your blog, since most (or all) lgbtq advice blogs i could find were inactive :/ secondly, the thing is: when i was around 12 years old (i'm 14 now, almost 15), i started questioning my gender (i'm afab), cut my hair, tried out different pronouns, etc. it all felt very nice, until i got a crush on a straight male friend, and i decided that i can no longer be anything other than a straight girl because that's the only way he could like me back. and after that i basically spent more than a year conforming more and more into whatever my crushes, friends, classmates thought was right, normal, or attractive. at the beginning of this year i figured out my sexuality: i'm only into girls and the guys i liked were all comp het. and i started questioning my gender again at the beginning of this april. i just don't know if the disconnect i feel from femininity is because i'm only into girls, because i'm not considered attractive in the eyes of a straight guy, because i used to question my gender when i was younger, or because i'm actually trans. and yeah, masculinity feels super nice to me. i actually think i'm trans, i just feel like i'm not brave enough to admit it. i've been feminine presenting my whole life, and i've been seen as a girl my whole life. my online friends would probably be very supportive if i told them i think i'm trans, but my family? no way. my sibling? i told them about questioning my gender again but they seemed to completely be against the idea that i could be trans. my classmates? i'm really not sure. they claim to be pro lgbtq but they make so many transphobic jokes, and they could probably never see me as anything other than a girl. so i'm kind of rambling, sorry about that, but my question would be: do you think i'm trans? what do you think i should do?

thank you so much if you decide to answer, and another huge thank you for running this blog!!!! <3

My dear lovely possibly trans anon - I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but only you can decide if you're trans or not. I know that sucks and it would be so much easier if we could get someone else to make these calls. That being said, let's break down some of the things you mentioned.

The whole comp het/gender questioning thing is WILD, I've been on that train as well lately. It's so weird how conditioned we are to believe that femininity is for the benefit of men, and once we non-men-attracted folk figure that out, it's hard to tell what's what. Could it be that your gender confusion is just the reverberating effect of comp het? Yeah, it could, but it sounds like there's something deeper at play here.

Here's why I think that - you said that you think you're trans but you're scared to admit it. Well, guess what? That counts as admitting it! Congratulations to you - no matter where you go from here, acknowledging yourself for who you are is such a huge step and it takes a lot of courage. I'm really proud of you!

So what comes next? I would take things one step at a time. You said you've cut your hair in the past - would it make you happy to cut it again? What about getting a sports bra to see if you like the way your body looks in it? Can you casually get your parents to shop with you in the men's section of stores? (I accomplished this by complaining about how women's department flannels are lame!) Maybe you have some trusted friends who will call you by a different name or pronouns. In my (admittedly rather limited) experience, gender is a game of trial and error, especially when you're in a place where people disapprove. But every baby step will get you a little closer to your true self, and every now and then you'll try something and look in the mirror and think "Yes, that's me."

So I guess basically what I'm trying to say is that it sounds like you are finding authenticity in masculinity and the trans label, and that's all it takes. I know that choosing labels is scary because it feels like a forever choice. The good news is that (1) you can change labels whenever they start to feel off and (2) you don't have to slap a label on if you're not ready. Whether you come out as trans tomorrow, inch your way into masculinity, or anywhere in between, you are so valid for whoever you are on any given day. And remember that just like you don't have to keep trying to be the perfect straight girl, there's no "right" way to be masculine either, so just do what feels good!

I hope that helps. Hang in there with the transphobic family/classmates - that's not a fun spot to be in and I'm proud of you for still working toward being yourself, no matter if/when you decide to come out as trans and/or transition. 💚🌈

[independentartistbuzz]

7 FROM THE WOMEN: RED FLOWER LAKE

Red Flower Lake is lush, heady electro-pop. Aloe vera for our dried-out hearts. Sweeping melodies and understated yet complex soundscapes. These songs are open doors to a relationship: two people who know each other about as well as two humans can, singing to the other, about each other, offering a brave and heartfelt depiction of the territories they have survived and navigated together. It’s all here: intimacy and distance, heartbreak and ecstasy. Vulnerability, insecurity and courage.

1. What have you been working to promote lately?

It feels like I have been working on promoting a lot lately (internally and externally). Things like honesty, clear communication, empathy, patience, naming emotions, opening my heart, peace in my family, etc, etc.

But that’s not quite what we are talking about. ;)

I have been working alongside my husband to promote our EP Three Truths as well as an exhibit of our multi-media work at the Torosiete museum of contemporary art - a virtual museum unlike any other. Our exhibit just opened at the end of October and will be open for all of time - as long as there is internet.

Our EP Three Truths consists of three songs, Heart is Breaking, Baby Don’t Go, and Brave. The first two were written when we had super young kids (about 8 years ago).

When we were first considering releasing some songs this past May, we weren’t sure which songs to begin with. We were pretty tired of Heart is Breaking and Baby Don’t Go but also felt like they were worth something, belonged together, and like they might be the beginning of a story. We figured we would see what mixing one of them would do and take it from there. We sent out Baby Don’t Go and after trying a couple different mixers, we landed on Mike Pepe through a family friend named Kelly Musgrave at Linear Management. He did his thing and we actually got inspired enough to completely redo the vocals which was pretty satisfying. I had started voice lessons several months earlier and felt like I had more to offer the song. Once the energy was back in Baby Don’t Go it was pretty exciting to see what some mixing would do to Heart is Breaking. Deciding to release those particular songs really felt like the end of a pretty challenging time. It has been nice to have them out in the world where people might be able to relate to them giving voice to an experience that is painful but also real. I don’t know how many emotions we get away with leaving unturned but I appreciate a song that can help me reflect on a feeling.

Heart is Breaking was the kind of song that was so of a moment, it didn’t feel worth it to try and enunciate the words better or change what I was unsatisfied with after hearing it mixed. I am curious whether that choice will actually impact my satisfaction long term but, so far, I have found it both surprising and amusing that putting something out into the world that is a little bit vocally unfinished doesn’t bother me at all.

As for Abel’s vocals though, they are straight from the heart. They are also his original vocals. I remember when I first heard them I felt a lot less significant as part of our musical duo. He just put it all out there and it sounds so good. Heart is Breaking speaks to the experience of wanting love even though it seems to always end in heart break. An experience that, as a young parent, felt very prevalent.

Brave to me is all in the title. My setup is such that if I want to play around on the keyboard with a feeling I’m having, I still need to pull up ProTools and title the session - even though I don’t know what I am going to play which is the case a lot. Often when I am sitting down to play music, it is to explore something in my mind and on my heart and in this case I wanted to be brave about that exploration so I titled the song Brave. Brave is about sticking around and being present to see what is true even if it is scary.

All of the songs I write are deeply personal. In the past, it has sometimes surprised me that Abel would even touch the material, considering how blatant it is but I’ve learned that I’m not the only one in the relationship that sometimes feels paradoxical and complex feelings.

Having made music together for such a long time now without releasing any of it, we are both really excited to share more of the story and more of our music. It feels like an epic tale that is still revealing itself in real time. Three Truths feels like the beginning of a bigger message - this first message being “Damn this is hard but relationship is sort of like that sometimes”.

2. Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

Sade’s Smooth Operator. There are a lot of songs and a lot of reasons why to pick them but this one pulls me right back to a time in my life when not a lot of things were easy but at that moment, the house was warm, the whole family seemed happy and there was an abundance of food. I was maybe 5, my family was living with my great aunt and her daughters who were at least ten years older than us. We were all still getting used to living together and my family was still getting used to living in Va after moving from New Mexico. When Smooth Operator came into my awareness, it was the day after Thanksgiving and there was a bounty of leftover mashed potatoes, peas and onions in cream sauce, and stuffing that needed to be eaten. While we formed those leftovers into little balls and baked them, we were introduced to that song. I think we may have listened to the whole album a couple times through but we named our food creation after Smooth Operator and it is one of the special happy memories I have from an amazing but also pretty heavy childhood. Throughout my childhood from then on, Sade was a voice I leaned into. I remember one night my twin sister and I lay down in the dark of her empty room in middle school and listened in consecutive order through Diamond Life, Promise, Stronger Than Pride, and Love Deluxe on our tape player to the light of a big moon. One of my all time favorite nights.

Smooth Operator felt like a warning. Like watch out girls, they’re everywhere. The first song of their first album. Her voice was always my reference. I wanted my voice to sound like hers. I wanted to make songs like hers - with a point, with heart, and with a voice you want to listen to. Smooth Operator is our family anthem, made so by a moment we all recall fondly - an odd anthem perhaps but my family is as odd and as amazing as they get.

3. What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Having an opportunity to use my voice as a woman at this time feels very special and important and I hope that I am doing my part in honoring the power of the feminine, and the important work of keeping it real in all my relationships at all levels.

I work to be authentic and express as clearly from my heart as I can. Making music - making art,  is a way for me to connect with my emotions, my inner wisdom, a way to express those feelings, ultimately it is a way to communicate something that means something to me. I recognize that this is a potentially self indulgent process and I pray that my purpose of honoring the human experience and reminding us of our power is conveying.

It is important for me to be super honest because there are so many feelings I have felt ashamed of and wouldn’t even admit to in the past that I am now realizing are actually just part of a human experience. Honoring and expressing my truth thus far has been a thousand times more empowering than the results have been of hiding from my truth as a result of believing I should be ashamed of my feelings and for believing in my worth - what I know is true in my heart. Denial of my truth has wreaked havoc in my life and it isn’t worth another moment of time to feed or encourage such disempowering paradigms.

I recognize that we all have a lot to heal from and a lot of healing work to do individually and collectively. I think a large part of that healing work is around being brave enough to honor our feelings, identifying their source, and getting empowered to speak/know/honor our truth - a truth that is both unique and valid.

Perhaps if we are able to honor ourselves in this way, we will be able to hear each others’ truths with compassion, recognizing ourselves in each other's struggles.

A big step for me in my healing journey has been accepting and being willing to hear and honor my own truth. No more wars - internal or external. When I am not fighting myself, I am one less person who is fighting themselves and that is extremely motivating. I think all of my fighting ultimately comes from internal conflicts so I might as well start with that and find some way to work that stuff out. I have been working on not making other people the bad guy but, if I see ‘bad guy’ out there in the world, to note that I see a reflection of parts of myself I still am in a healing process with.  

I am not sure what the depths of our world’s healing will entail but I know my responsibility is to my own healing and it is empowering to own that responsibility. I pray we all honor ourselves like the magnificent and unique creations we are and honor ourselves like we are somebody’s child who adores us. Even if we can argue that our parents did not or do not love us, there is still and always will be immense love for each of us in the vast universe and from our mama earth. We are worthy of our best life. In fact. I think it is the only sustainable future.

My responsibility is to honor and stay true to my truth.

4. What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

All of the songs I write are extremely personal and expose my deep internal struggles. But I am okay with being a voice and a sound. Being an image has not been easy. Learning to embrace my face, my body, my movement, my inner style, etc, feels much more exposing and personally challenging. The entire world of what is sexy, what is beautiful, what is inspiring, what is useful, etc. has been out of reach for me since forever. I find that the more I turn toward my spiritual truth, my spiritual purpose, toward awe and gratitude for the children in my life, the more permission I have and the more energy I have for exposing my physical person on a true and personal level. What feels beautiful, what feels empowering, what feels good and right?

I have in the past, been absolutely disempowered around beauty and sex that I feel like only now am I getting access to any answers internally about what is beautiful, empowering and what feels good for me. I am a mother and it is important to me that the children in my life have examples of real women and men in their lives who are empowered and strong and honest- not because of our physical form but because of our clarity in purpose and our open hearts.

I know the sexiest thing a person can do in my heart/ mind is their inner work, get straight with themselves about what they are doing here and live and breathe their purpose.

On the level of the eye, I think playing with what my spiritual guides have to say to me at any given moment feels the most appropriate and fun. I’d rather be in a conversation with them about physical expression than with old paradigms of sex appeal and survival on this physical plain.

5. What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

Oh my goodness, So many. I really believe that the unapologetic art of all women throughout time has molded me as part of the collective creative conscience. Art begets art.

I come from a family of bohemian artists and I would be remiss in not honoring them particularly and their absolute influence in my life. Their authentic expressions have absolutely shaped and inspired me and I am so grateful to each of my family members for their conscious participation in living their best lives.

My highschool teacher and friend Zap McConnel reinforced and added to what my family already inspires in me. She was my first real mentor and example outside of my family in living a life of integrity and breaking the molds of our boxed beliefs.  

And Beatrice Ost. She has been part of my family for a long time but it really wasn’t until her grandchildren connected with our kids that we became better acquainted and, just as kids tend to do, through our children we have been led into a most beautiful and inspiring relationship of collaboration and inspiration. We wouldn’t be where we are now without her and really everyone in the world. The ripples are real.

6. Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I consider myself a feminist because I believe in the unique and essential wisdom of the feminine and its absolute importance in the balance of life. I could also consider myself a divine masculinist but that movement is really in conjunction with the healing of the divine feminine. It is for all of us to heal from this woundedness - not just women.

There is no denying that women have been oppressed for millenia - longer than any other human group except children - and it feels important to me to keep raising the collective awareness to the long lasting effects of oppression that continue to weigh on the lives of everyone. If mama is oppressed, everyone is oppressed because if mama is oppressed she does not have the power she needs to stand up for what she knows in the depths of her heart - to care for the hearts of her family and that kind of pain and injury is passed down a long way.

I have been considering the narrative of our media history around witches - how they have been conveyed so terribly in our social history. I am interested in those stories from the witches’ perspectives. I’d love to hear the backstory of Ursula the deep sea witch in The Little Mermaid. It seems to me that she may have wanted to say something to someone… An easily identifiable sentiment for most human beings at this point. There can be no more pretending how much we have all suffered because of fear and domination. I don’t think we need to gender specify suffering generally but just like with race, it is true that there are some significant stereo types that have been disempowering for a long time.

We are still living in the antiquated world of shame about menstrual cycles for God’s sake! It’s bonkers. I can attest that this particular gift has felt like a burden in this worn out world of 9-5 schedules and limited sick days and - if any - and our basic needs for survival are not cared for enough so that we don't even know this immense gift as an honor. But as we each recognize our person as an immense gift and when we honor ourselves and each  other as such, we change the world.

I am a feminist and a masculinist because I strongly believe that each of us as individuals needs to feel empowered as part of something larger than just our individual egos. Each of us is essential and honoring our unique gifts will and does heal our world in deep and profound ways. Each of us knows something, has a purpose here that needs to be respected by everyone. Men and women both would benefit from honoring the feminine in all that is and vice versa. It is a balance and as long as the balance is off there will be a need for feminism. And just as much there is a need for honoring the divine masculine. It truly is a matter of balance - one that needs support internally and externally as individuals and as a collective.

7. What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female Artist?

The most challenging thing I have had to face as a creative being is myself. My own pride and jealousy, self doubt, and a need for external approval have kept me from taking risks, whether it is going into action or taking a nap. Everything I did or didn’t do was based on what I thought somebody else might think which gave me very little room for actual self expression. Giving myself permission to exist independently of other people’s approval and trusting the creative flow has been a matter of challenging oppressive systems - both external and the ones and the ones in my head that I have defended as part of a fear based world. As I continue to grow wiser and my body becomes more of an ally for my heart rather than a sculpture project, I find myself in battle with old paradigms around self image.

It is an interesting time to be alive and I have lots of hope for us as a collective as I continue to break my own belief systems because if I can do it, it can be done. Breaking out of old and limiting beliefs, considering new paradigms, recognizing my inner/outer calling and prioritizing that calling beyond all else has been liberating and empowering. My dream is that all our dreams come true. I know my heart is based in love and that all the struggle has been for learning. This knowledge has helped me come to terms with trauma but I would say I think oppression is systemic and the more we can break free of our own excuses and reasoning to defend oppressive systems, the more swiftly and easily we will transition to a new world. I am more than happy to be inviting in a paradigm of inclusivity, kindness, inquiry, compassion, and honesty. An undeniable breath of fresh air from so many oppressive paradigms past and present.

Listen to “Three Truths”

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[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

LotR fic rec - Éomer x Lothíriel (2)

This is the second part to this post (+ this one because this particular fanfic deserved a post of its own) because one does not simply stop at 10 éothiriel fanfictions when there are so many more to read out there. Binge reading is now a thing, I speak it into existence as I go from fic to fic for this one pairing.

Of Falcons and Mûmakil, by Lialathuveril (114k)

Set a year after the end of the Ring War, this is the story of how Éomer and Lothiriel first met, fell in love and got married. They managed to do this despite several obstacles on the way including his sister, her eldest brother and a foolhardy band of Southrons. I’ve tried to keep Éomer in character to how he’s described in the books, brave and strong, with a sudden temper but also with a keen sense of humour. Lothiriel I see as quite young (she's twenty at the time they meet) and not quite sure of her role in life yet, impulsive and warmhearted

I find once again Lialathuveril’s style. After reading several of The Moonlily’s fanfictions in a row I became used to her prose, but Lialathuveril is just as good even if it’s different. The main difference being that they each have their own way to write Lothiriel, but in this fanfiction I find she became of mix of each of these author’s preferred personality for her.

Despite how long the fanfiction is, it’s easy to read, and rather quick too. You just read chapter after chapter, devouring them all, and before you know it you’ve reached the end and long for more.

I particularly like that we get as much of Eomer’s thoughts on what’s happening as we get Lothiriel’s. It’s not restricted to a single point of view, which allows you to feel closer to Eomer’s character (because sometimes it’s not the case, since he’s present in the books/movies, the authors assume we know him and don’t need to be imersed in his thoughts, therefore they focus on Lothiriel whom we barely know anything about).

Open My Eyes, by The Moonlily (36k)

A young, unusual lady teaches the King of Rohan that some of the most important things you can't see with your eyes.

Very different take on the usual Eothiriel stories, I think it’s fair to say that I had a few expectations when I opened this fanfiction. While it is the usual high quality fiction provided by The Moonlily, some of those expectations were not fulfilled, which is partly to be blamed on me really. As the story progressed I tried to guess what would happen next, and in the end I liked the theory I came up with so much that I was a little disappointed by the final twist.

But aside from all personal feelings I still think that the final reveal wasn’t as dramatic as it could (should?) have been, given how much of a deal the characters made of it.

Other than that it was a very enjoyable story that I recommend to everyone, if only because it’s well written, not so long as to take a lot of your time if you end up not liking it, and because of how different it is from all other eothiriel stories I’ve read (which is 15 so far if you must know).

Second Time Lucky, by heckofabecca  (14k)

When Lothíriel makes a hasty promise to a lady in distress, she must use all her wits to keep her footing. But there's more than one type of falling... 

Very, very nice and funny to read. This Lothiriel has nothing to envy to all the others I’ve read about though she is quite different, and maybe closer to what we imagine a Princess of Dol Amroth to be like.

Bound by Duty, by Lady Bluejay (99k)

Coming to terms with her arranged marriage, Lothiriel has to face returning to Meduseld alone. How will she cope with those who did not want a Gondorian for a Queen? 

A liiittle bit of a slow burn, just enough to have me foaming at the mouth but not so long as to make me wish I’d never opened it. It’s good guys, it’s so good. Of course you’re going to tell me “why, yes, Alyssa, of course it’s good, this is lady bluejay” and you are right my friend, but it doesn’t hurt do say it twice. This is also one of the sexiest fanfictions I’ve read for this couple? I did not expect it, but the intimacy is treated in a very delicate yet bold way. Loved it. Read it.

Heart of a Queen, by The Moonlily (50k)

"You are a Princess of Dol Amroth, Lothíriel, and you were born as brave and proud as your brothers." 

GOD this story gave me emotional blue balls! I am SO HAPPY it isn’t one of The Moonlily’s longer works because it could very well have ended me right then and there. It gives you an in-depth view of Lothiriel’s inner journey and thoughts as she gets familiar with Rohan and its enigmatic king. As a reader, I was just as frustrated as her in face of Eomer’s aloofness and cryptic behavior, maybe even more because I KNEW there was more to it, we just didn’t know what yet.

As always a nice, refreshing new light shines on the characters (still marveling at how the author can do that after writing so many fanfictions for this pairing) especially on Lothiriel, and while it is not my personal favorite take of her persona, it is still a pleasure to read, and a beautiful tribute to Tolkien and his work. Much like Bound by Duty, she is much more princess-ish and feminine and delicate - and everything you might expect a princess to be. Which is all fair and good, but I have a slight preference for the bold, adventurous Lothiriel.

See ya soon for another review of a The Moonlily fanfic (at this point I should just rename this fic rec to ‘the Moonlily fangirling’)

Game of Hearts, by hannah.jpg (31k)

Humiliated at her waning popularity in Minas Tirith, Lothíriel seeks to regain her reputation: by snagging the King of Rohan, of course. What could go wrong?

I had never read about a Lothiriel like this one before this story, and I’m not sure what to think about her. The story is quite short and well-written, I’ll say that first, and I don’t regret the hours spent reading it (I am a very slow reader) because I love reading about new ways this ship gets together, they never disappoint. But I’ll also say that Lothiriel did elicit some contradictory emotions. She gets through quite a bit of character development within 31k words, therefore at the end, she’s where I like her to be (so to say). However, at the beginning, I was very put off by her characterization, and I admit I (maybe) would have stopped reading had the fanfic been 50k+, but I’m glad I didn’t because she got back in my good graces.

The story is told from Lothiriel’s point of view, though to conclude, I’ll add that it was Eomer’s character that transpires the most, even if we only get to see what he thinks through the dialogue. I guess what you don’t say is as telling as the things you say out loud.

A Long and Winding Road (292k) by The Moonlily

To flee from a dreadful fate, she is sent into hiding. But how can she hide her heart from the man who also holds her secret? 

Yeah, that’s right. Another fanfiction from The Moonlily. Another excellent story with good characterization, lovable side characters, heartfelt conversations by the hearth and painful mutual pining. This one made be very horny because the sexual tension between Eomer and Lothiriel was too much for me. Seriously, this story makes you lust for both physical and emotional intimacy, I am not alright as I write this, folks.

It’s also a slow, and I mean very slow, burn. Hold onto ya feels because you are in for a long, long ride my friends. I was just about to snap and maybe pop a vein or something when they finally acted on their feelings, I cannot stress this enough: it’s a slow burn.

Lady of the Sea (53k), by The Moonlily

How the horselord first met the mermaid.

Listen, I’m not going to say anything again, just accept that I will rec all of The Moonlily’s fanfictions and move on. I loved Lothiriel’s character in this one, I always do when she’s a bit on the feisty side, I don’t know I just think it really suits her and it compliments Eomer’s personality too. As usual, their meeting was excellent in its originality and the skillful way the author always writes that first encounter.

NOTE: I should like to add that if any of the authors whose works are mentioned in my fic recs see this, they are free to keep, use, do whatever they want with the cover(s) I made.

[justauthoring]

just kiss me // jon snow

Request: could you do a protective jon snow x reader where some guy is hitting on her and is making him jealous/mad? however you want to do it is fine!

Please don’t plagiarize my work!

Word Count: 1,198

Within the walls of Winterfell, Jon was insecure. It wasn’t something he was proud to admit, and rather, he usually kept it to himself, as he did with most things. 

He couldn’t quite pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe it was because he was a bastard. Or maybe it was because he was constantly reminded of that exact fact by Catelyn, glowered and hated by the woman. Maybe it was simply because stood next to Robb, Jon felt like a washed out version of him. He was less confident, less charismatic and most of the time, Jon liked to sit by himself in the corner and quite honestly, sulk.

He didn’t smooth talk the ladies like his brother did. He’d never really actually talked to a girl other then his younger siblings, and even then, it was really only Arya because Sansa could barely stand the sight of him. By the Gods, Jon had never even kissed a girl and had had to sit through multiple conversations with not only Robb but Theon as well, which it was no secret Jon didn’t like the boy, about how many times they’d shared a kiss with a girl and how wonderful the sensation was.

Jon, for his age, was quite naive in a lot of categories. He became a quiet, sputtering mess when it came to girls so he just didn’t talk to them.

And yet, despite all of that, and what seemed like a miracle itself, you had talked to Jon. It had been completely innocent. You had bumped into him in a flurry, and all the books in your hands had clattered to the ground. Jon had hesitated to help you, and when your eyes met him, a smile had fallen on your lips. You had introduced yourself, going on to say that you already knew who he was because how could you not, you were Eddard Stark’s son. But what had truly captured Jon’s attention was the fact that you hadn’t used the word bastard, not once. You’d just said son, and that was it.

No one had ever regarded him as just ‘Eddard Stark’s son’, there was always the extra benefit of ‘bastard’.

From that day on, you and Jon had become friends. With each passing day, it blossomed into more and with each passing second, Jon had found himself falling harder and harder for you. At first, he’d been convinced that it was simply just because you were the first female he’d ever truly been acquainted with.

But then he found himself falling in love with the sound of your voice. The way your eyes sparkled when you talked about your books. Or the way you laughed when Jon got all shy and quiet. You weren’t like any other woman Jon knew (not that there was much to go off of, but still) and you had the passion and fire his sister Arya had, but the elegance and femininity that Sansa did. You were bold and brave like Catelyn and Jon found himself admiring you with adoration, even from a far.

Things only continued to get messy when you’d kissed. Jon had, shyly, told you he had never kissed anyone and you had confessed that neither had you. It was your proposal to test it out on each other, and then suddenly Jon found his lips pressed against yours. It was short, messy and awkward but Jon loved every second of it.

It was that moment that led him to confirm his feelings.

And it was that moment that had him standing there now, practically steaming in barely concealed jealousy.

Jon had never felt such anger coarse through his bones, and yet he could not tear his eyes off of you. Even when you stood there and let that boy, whoever he was, Jon had never seen him before, shamelessly flirt with you. From what Jon could tell, he did a poor job of it, but then again, he wasn’t very convincing himself. 

And what Jon hated the most was the way your cheeks warmed, or the way you’d tuck your chin into your neck as you brushed your hair behind your ear, all shy. You weren’t shy -- you were loud and bold and outspoken but soft and kind and warm and everything just seemed wrong in that one moment.

Jon felt that you should be there with him, talking with him, not some random stables boy that could barely say something with sputtering like an idiot.

And that was the first time Jon had ever done something of the like. He couldn’t just stand there and watch, and so, so completely and utterly unlike him, Jon pushed off the wall he’d been leaning against and made his way through the courtyard until he reached you. He was close enough to hear what the boy was saying now, but Jon paid no mind to it.

He slid into his spot next to you, making sure his shoulder touched yours as he gained both yours and the boys attention. Jon made sure to send the boy before him an icy glare, one that made the boy instantly gulp in fear and discomfort almost instantly.

“Jon,” you called, your brows furrowing in bafflement. “What are--”

“We planned to go riding today,” Jon cut you off slightly, softening his gaze as he moved his head to meet your own. “Don’t you remember?”

You paused, pressing a finger against your lips in thought. “Did we?”

“Yes,” Jon answered shortly, before turning back to the stables boy. “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

Your eyes widen as you were suddenly being led away, your head turning over your shoulder as you called out a goodbye to the boy you’d been talking to hastily. He dumbfoundedly returned your wave all while Jon weaved you through the crowds of families and children and workers until he was back to his isolated spot from before.

When Jon stopped, you turned to him with narrowed eyes; “I thought you said we were--”

And then, Jon did something you’d have never expected him to. He leaned forward, cupping your cheeks with both of your hands and placing his lips against your own. It quite literally caught your breath, your body tensing in bewilderment in response, but soon you felt yourself easing into the intimate action, your eyes fluttering shut.

When Jon pulled back, you were panting, staring up at him with dazed eyes. “What... What was that?”

“I like you,” Jon says, without wasting a second. “I’ve liked you for a long time. I might even love you, Y/N and seeing you...”

His words trail, but your face softens as realization floods. He was jealous. That was why he’d pulled you away with such haste and desperation. Jon had been jealous.

Shoulders falling, you grin up at Jon, reaching forward to press a chaste kiss against his lips, giving him the answer he needed. But, just before you pulled away, you moved your lips so they were positioned next to his ear, and you whispered with a quite voice; “you know, you didn’t have to lead me all the way here just to kiss me.”

-

Let me know what you thought? Remember, reblogging always helps!

Requests are closed!

[josies-fanfic-stuff]

Kiralfonse - Helping with Work

After like a month it’s finally finished! It ended up being a bit longer than i expected and actually took a slightly different turn than i originally planned but i’m still pretty satisfied by the result. I’m noticing that my Alfonse is a bit more timid than how most would imagine him but I like to think that it’s because he’s a little shyer than most versions of himself because of his conflicting feelings towards his sexuality, if that makes any sense. I think I just need to practice with him a bit. Either way I’m just glad i finally finished!

Hope you guys like it! 

It was late at night in the kingdom of Askr, as young prince Alfonse made his way down the relatively empty hallways, save the occasional palace guard and night owl hero that would cross his path every so often. Since he was off duty, Alfonse had removed his iconic armor, leaving him in a simple cloth tunic and pants with matching boots that clicked with every step as the prince walked down the hallway. Finally, Alfonse arrived at his destination, a simple oak door, the entrance to his tactician and trusted Summoner’s office – which also doubled as a meeting room. The prince stared at the door for a moment as nerves began to twinge within his stomach. “Am I really about to do this?” Alfonse thought, as he reached out a shaky hand towards the door knob. Taking hold of the knob, Alfonse let out a sigh in an attempt to calm himself and finally push open the door in a slow, gentle, manner.

Looking in, the rather large room was quite dark with only a few measly candles, the light of their small flames causing shadows to dance along the stone walls. In the day, the room often felt inviting and warm despite the grim topics that were discussed there, but at the night, the room’s imposing size and lack of light brought a sinister, foreboding quality to it. This trait alone caused the dread that had formed in the blue haired boy to intensify to a higher degree as he made a feeble attempt to calm his ever worsening nerves. Once his nerves had been hastily collected, the Askran prince finally stepped into the dark room and shut the door behind him in that same gentle fashion. Looking to the left, at the far end of the room, Alfonse spotted his unhooded tactician and lover, Kiran, sitting at his large desk with a pen in hand, gazing up at the prince with a look of surprise on his face. The prince’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of his handsome, half Latino – as Kiran had called himself- boyfriend with the orange glow of the candle lights illuminating his tanned skin, his dark eyes – and his facial piercings- shining from behind his thick square framed, black glasses. Despite the fact that the two had been dating for a good few months now, it was still mind blowing for Alfonse to know that he was dating Kiran, the young man he had fallen in love with after mistrusting him so strongly when they first met. The very idea that his tactician had returned his feelings made the prince’s heart throb painfully in his chest with just a simple look.

The tactician’s face lit up with a huge, childish smile - the goofy look he was well known and loved for - when he realized who had come to visit him. “Hey babe!” Kiran chirped, setting his pen down and rearranging a couple of the many papers strewn about his messy desk, before giving his lover his undivided attention, eyes clearly sparkling with a look of complete and total adoration. Alfonse’s pale cheeks turned a deep shade of scarlet, forcing him to break eye contact before his heart had the chance to melt out of his chest. “Good evening, Kiran…” the prince replied in as formal a tone as he could muster while trying his hardest to keep from visibly shaking. Kiran’s deep brown eyes widened slightly and his lips parted with concern. “Alfonse, is there something wrong?” The prince looked back at Kiran with a small start at his lover’s reaction, confirming that he was failing miserably at trying to look calm. “Not at all!” Alfonse hurriedly replied, noting how Kiran’s shoulders instantly slumped back to a relaxed position. “I was just on my way to bed and noticed you were absent…” the prince continued as he stepped closer to his lover’s desk. The Summoner gave a guilty smile, knowing how worried Alfonse would get whenever Kiran broke routine, especially their nightly routine. “Sorry about that, babe…I got kinda caught up in my paper work.” The tactician explained, gesturing to the mess of papers nearly consuming his already unorganized desk. Alfonse’s heart sank as he glanced down at the chaos, causing him to bite his lower lip. “Will you be long?” the prince asked, already dreading the answer. “’fraid so…” Kiran sheepishly replied, hating the look of disappointment glowing in his lover’s clear blue eyes. “Commander Anna will kill me if I don’t get this done!” he added in an attempt to justify his procrastination habits. Alfonse broke eye contact again and let out a heavy sigh. “I see” was all he could muster.

The tactician’s heart shattered at the sight, cursing his inability to stay organized! Why was procrastination the only thing Kiran was good for?! “Are…Are you alright, sweetheart?” Kiran asked in a timid voice, unsure of what to do. Alfonse seemingly snapped back to reality and gave his boyfriend a fake smile, trying his best to put up a brave front. “Yes! I’m perfectly fine…” the prince exclaimed, in a fake cheerful tone as he turned to leave. “Well…good night Kiran…”

However just as he started for the exit, Kiran leapt up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process. “Alfonse, wait!” the man exclaimed. Alfonse turned around just in time to see his lover approaching fast before he was pulled into a tight hug. The smaller male gave a soft gasp but quickly hugged back and buried his face in Kiran’s deceptively strong chest. “Would you prefer to stay and sit with me? I certainly don’t mind the company~.” Kiran’s voice was gentle and reassuring, which greatly helped calm the prince’s frazzled nerves. A strong blush appeared on Alfonse’s face as he nuzzled further into his lover’s body. “I-If you don’t mind…” Kiran smiled as he leaned down and kissed Alfonse softly on the top of his head. “Not at all~.” Then he released the prince from his grip and started back towards his desk. “Just go ahead and pull up a chair” he added, gesturing to the meeting table at the other end of the room, plopping down into his own chair in the process. A bright blush returned to the Askran noble’s cheeks as he stared down at the floor in a shy manner. “A-Actually I was hoping to join you…in YOUR seat…” The prince quickly regretted these words and covered his face with his hands to hide his embarrassment, his scarlet face showing prominently through his pale fingers. Now it was Kiran’s turn to blush, a bright shade of red as he looked up at his boyfriend with wide eyes. “Wait really?!” the tactician squeaked, completely caught off guard by his lover’s forwardness. In the couple months that they had been dating, Alfonse had proved that he was actually quiet timid when it came to being a couple, in fact the only time the prince had ever taken the initiative for physical contact had been their first kiss. However, this had only been a knee jerk reaction brought on by sheer joy.

After a brief pause, Alfonse lowered his hands far enough to reveal his eyes. “O-Only with your consent of course…” A huge grin slit across the other man’s tanned face as he pulled out his chair and patted his lap. “Of course you can, baby, I’m always up for cuddles!” Kiran exclaimed with a look of pure unadulterated happiness. The prince finally lowered his hands fully to reveal a small, shy, smile as he timidly approached his lover. “Thank you, Kiran” Alfonse chirped as he clambered awkwardly onto his lover’s lap so that their chests were pressed together with the prince’s legs hanging down to just above the floor and his head laying on Kiran’s broad shoulder. Then he wrapped his arms around Kiran’s chest and nuzzled into the other male’s neck. The Summoner let out a giggle and hugged Alfonse tight as he scooted his chair back to the desk. Once they were situated, the tactician leaned over and kissed his prince gently on the cheek, receiving a soft chuckle from the blue haired male.

Kiran continued to hold Alfonse for about a minute before finally freeing up his right arm and wrapping his left arm securely around the prince’s waist so he could get back to work. Alfonse pouted into his lover’s neck at the lack of attention, but he stayed silent, not wanting to distract his lover any more than he already had. In all honesty, the fact that Kiran was allowing him to sit like this at all, made the prince feel extremely special and far happier than he’d willingly want to admit. Kiran was his safe place, a person that the prince could trust without question, even with his weaker, more feminine side – a side he was far too ashamed of to show to anyone else. Luckily, the Summoner seemed to understand this and always made sure to treat the prince with gentle care whenever he needed the support.

Suddenly, Alfonse was brought out of his thoughts by the familiar feeling of Kiran’s warm fingers and well-kept nails scratching his scalp at the nape of his neck. The blue haired male let out a groan as a pleasant shiver ran down his spine and a warm glow began to well in his chest almost out of reflex. This was a relatively new gesture for the couple, something that Kiran had done at random in the afterglow of rather passionate sex. Alfonse had melted on contact in his overly sensitive bliss with a groan of pleasure that only ever left the prince’s lips during moments of intimacy. For Kiran, seeing Alfonse react with such clear enjoyment from such a simple gesture, filled the Summoner with a strong sense of pride and adoration, knowing that only he could make the young prince feel this way. After that, the gesture became a source of comfort unique to the pair.

A small chuckle escaped the tanned male’s lips as he felt his lover’s body go limp in his arms, finding Alfonse’s conditioned response to his touch utterly adorable. “Feel good?” the taller male purred as he glance over just in time to see a look of pure contentment etched on his boyfriend’s face. However a bright blush quickly stained the boy’s pale face when he realized Kiran was staring. “Y-Yes…”he mumbled with a curt nod, tensing ever so slightly under his lover’s gaze. A loving smile pulled at Kiran’s lips as he leaned in to press a tender kiss into the prince’s heated forehead. In the meantime, the fingers resting on Alfonse’s neck slowly began to move up to lace themselves into the boy’s soft blue and gold tipped hair, allowing a warm palm to cradle the back of the smaller man’s head. “That’s good~.” Kiran whispered, keeping his lips pressed to Alfonse’s skin, making his breath feel warm and tingly against the prince’s ever reddening face. Finally, the Summoner pulled away only to meet his prince’s lips in a kiss that was just as tender. Yet another moan escaped the blue haired man’s lips as he allowed Kiran’s tongue to enter, becoming acutely aware of the pleasant sensation in his scalp thanks to the gentle needing motion of the Summoner’s finger tips.

After nearly a minute, Kiran pulled away, leaving both males panting and red faced as Alfonse tried his best to not openly drool while catching his breath. In the prince’s opinion, Kiran had always been an amazing kisser, a trait that Alfonse loved and envied at the same time, especially when Kiran would leave him drooling – an action that humiliated the prince quite a bit, no matter how many times Kiran said it was cute! The taller male was the first to catch his breath, allowing him to give his lover a closed mouth and loving smile as he tightened his grip on the prince in his lap. “I like making you feel good, baby, especially when you’re acting like this…” The Summoner cooed in a voice just dripping with adoration for his lover. Alfonse went scarlet and nuzzled back into Kiran’s warm and inviting neck to hide. “I thought you had work, my love!” he squealed, quickly becoming overwhelmed with all the attention he was finally receiving. “I do,” Kiran chirped, focusing his attention to the hand that was still in the prince’s hair, allowing him to give Alfonse a rather pleasant head massage. “But I thought I could use a snuggle break, especially since you went to the trouble of coming down to spend time with me…plus, that usually means you’re looking for a little attention~.” The Summoner explained in a calm voice as he began to gently comb his fingers through his lover’s silky, soft, hair. Alfonse gave a soft hum and nuzzled further into Kiran’s neck in embarrassment. “I-It has been a while since we were able to…cuddle like this…” The prince admitted in a sheepish manner. “I’ve missed seeing you…” he added. Kiran gave a guilty smile and tightened his grip around his lover’s waist. “Yeah I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever since we’ve been so busy lately!” The other agreed.

A comfortable silence fell between the two as Kiran continued to comb his fingers delicately throw his lover’s beautiful hair. As the minutes passed, the Summoner noticed Alfonse’s breath had begun to even out, leading the taller male to believe that the prince was beginning to doze off. “Feeling sleepy, Love~?” The Summoner purred with a teasing hair ruffle. The prince jumped slightly but quickly relaxed again. “Just a bit…” he replied. Kiran gave a soft hum of understanding and kissed Alfonse’s temple with a gentle smile beginning to pull at his lips. “It’s alright, little prince, it’ll be better for the both of us for you to get some rest while I finish things up.” Said the Summoner in a half teasing, half serious manner, a manner that the young prince had become quiet fond of. Alfonse chuckled and snuggled further into his lover’s warm, comforting body. “If you insist, my love” the prince replied. Then he pulled away from Kiran’s neck and kissed him lovingly on the lips. “Good night, Kiran…don’t over work yourself.” Kiran leaned in for another kiss and pressed their foreheads together when they parted. “Isn’t that my line?” The summoner teased with a grin. Alfonse gave a laugh and nuzzled back into his lover’s neck.

“I suppose you’re right…”                                    

[softestvirgil]

The Discovery of Fusion, Part 2

Part One

Summary:

Roman and Virgil find out what creativity looks like when they are together

Genre: Fusion

Rating: PG

Pairing(s): None

Warnings: Mentions of disturbing imagery with no descriptions

Let me know if there’s any more I should add!

It had been several months since the sides first discovered that they could fuse, and since the incident with Patton, Virgil was very hesitant to try it again. He would claim he wanted to, but whenever the time came that one of them wanted to try it, he always had an excuse as to why it wasn't the right time. The other sides all eventually grew tired of this and just decided to give him some space, as to not pressure him if he wasn't ready. Today he and Roman were not getting along whatsoever. "How could you tell him to do that?!" Virgil yelled at the fanciful side, to which he scoffed in response. "How was I supposed to know it would turn out that way, Lydia Deetz?" Virgil rolled his eyes. "I just can't believe you embarrassed us-him like that..." "Ugh... Logan! Patton! Anyone who can end this!" Thomas called out frustrated and the two aforementioned sides rose up in their respective spots. "What seems to be the issue, Thomas?" Logan asked quizzically. "Well..." Thomas began and Virgil took over. "He was on a date-" Roman jumped in. "That was going well all thanks to me!-" Virgil sneered at him and continued. "-But then someone decided to come on way too strong and-" "It scared him off..." Thomas finished dejectedly. "Aw well mistakes happen, and there is plenty of fish in the sea!" Patton exclaimed to which Logan nodded in agreement. "Yes and as the kids say..." Logan began before pulling out a vocab card. "Thank you, next." Roman applauded. "That's a good one, Logan." "I know, guys it's just... I really liked him." Thomas stated melancholically.

Virgil sighed. "Well next time, ignore him..." "I am the romantic side, Anxiety. How would ignoring me and listening to you do anything but cause a disaster?" Roman interrogated sassily. "Well for starters if he was listening to me he wouldn't have worn that..." Virgil responded and Thomas looked down at his shirt, then left the frame to retrieve a sweater that was sitting on his couch, and finally, put it on. "Maybe he has a point..." Thomas thought. "No! He's Anxiety! If you listened to him about this we would have stayed home and not even gone on the date in the first place! Thomas do you even hear yourself?!" Roman shouted. "Well... I hear you... and you are part of me so... yes?" Thomas replied, rather casually despite being yelled at seconds before. "None of this senseless bickering is getting us anywhere," Logan stated, then pointed at Virgil and Roman. "You two... cut it out," "But he-" "But I-" "I have an idea!" Interrupted Patton. "You guys should fuse!" He said, with a glint of excitement in his hazel eyes. "I don't-" Virgil began but was cut off by Patton once again. "I know you're scared because of how it went the first time, but what if this helps you guys figure out how to see from each other's point of view better? That's what the rest of us do and we barely fight anymore," "That last part is debatable, but Patton's not wrong," Logan stated. "All I'm saying is it couldn't hurt to try." Patton finished and looked at Virgil hopefully. "Only if you want to," Reminded Thomas, but he too had that same excitement in his face that Morality had. "What if I... I don't wanna..." Virgil trailed off and looked down at the floor for a moment in contemplation.

"Don't want to what?" Roman asked and Virgil's head snapped up. "I don't want to hurt you, okay?" He blurted and Roman smiled softly in response. "Ah, I'm sure it will... be fine, Virge," Roman reassured calmingly, and the anxious side met his gaze. "You sure?" Virgil asked, with both fear and admiration evident in his features. Roman smirked. "I am not! However, that is why we must do this! For how can we know things without doing the required research?" "So true," Added Logan proudly. "So, shall we?" Roman offered, and Virgil moved from his spot, into Roman's. "It's uh, been a while so how do we..." Virgil began but then Roman guided his hands to where they needed to be and proceeded to lead them in a gentle waltz. However since Virgil had two left feet, he kept tripping over Roman and that eventually caused the two sides to fall into a pile on the floor. After a moment of shock, they both began laughing heartily. Then they finally fused. The fusion continued laughing for a moment, and then they slowly stood up. "Woah... did it work?" They asked, then looked down at themselves. They were wearing Roman's usual clothes but the white was turned black and all the red was purple, there were also multiple patches of purple plaid scattered around it as there was on Virgil's hoodie. "Oh, em gee it did!" They exclaimed. "Oh boy," Logan chided with a worrisome expression. "Well, how do you feel?" Patton asked excitedly. "I feel, exceptional." They said and struck a pose. Their voice was deep, like Virgil's but had an overwhelmingly feminine tinge to it. "Well, you should! Rogil!" Patton remarked and was met with judgment from Logic. "What? I like giving the fusions names!" Patton defended himself.

Rogil's imagination was, intense to say the least. Each idea they imagined was more twisted and macabre than the last. At the same time, though, Virgil loved the feeling of being able to be creative, even if his influence was causing a Tim Burton-like effect on Roman.

Virgil once again did not want to stop. He felt Roman tugging, and he simply was not ready. He fought as hard as he could but it was no use.

In a flash, Rogil disappeared, with Virgil and Roman once again tumbling on to the floor in a pile. "Are you guys okay? Why'd you stop?" Patton asked worriedly. Virgil stood up. "I don't know..." "I un-fused us," Roman admitted guiltily. Patton quirked an eyebrow. "Why?" Roman sighed. "Well I was trying to imagine ideas, how I usually do, but they were all so... messy," "Messy in what way?" Wondered Logan. "Like..." Roman began. "...in a scary way," Virgil finished and looked away pensively. "Well that's not... good," Said Thomas. Patton was startled for a moment. "Oh! Thomas, I forgot you were here!" Thomas looked at Patton with bewilderment. "You are... literally part of me how did you... nevermind," He said and directed his attention to Virgil and Roman "Did it help at all in allowing you to see from each other's point of view?" "For me it did... at least I think so," Roman said and Virgil looked over at him. "Really?" "Well, when Patton said it was a lot before... that was eh, a bit of an understatement," Roman said and Virgil scoffed. "See? This is why I don't fuse! Right here!" Virgil yelled but then Roman spoke again. "You didn't let me finish, it is a lot... however, you shouldn't have to carry it all on your own, yet you do... and that is very... brave of you," Virgil sighed. "It's my job," "Well maybe if you'd allow us all to fuse with you more, we can learn how to make your fusions more stable and try to help carry some of the burdens for you," Patton said. "Maybe you're right... it still feels scary though especially after all of... that," Virgil remembered. "But it might feel less scary if you get used to it, like riding a bike!" Exclaimed Patton. "Yeah... I guess," Virgil said with a chuckle. Logan thought for a moment before speaking. "You do not have to engage in these fusion experiments if you do not wish to though, Anxiety. We can always try to solve these issues through other means. The brain works in very mysterious ways, ways of which many neuroscientists still don't understand. I am sure we can find other solutions rather than combining simply to see from each other's point of view. Perhaps, rather than that, we try to explain where we are coming from in a more in-depth way, and try to figuratively step into each other's shoes," "Wow, very good point, Logan," Said Thomas. "It's interesting how this is about you yet we all keep forgetting you're here," Roman said with a laugh. "Yeah, why is that?" Thomas wondered. "Well... you usually talk more, like way more... like... too much," Virgil pointed out. "Okay thanks guys, I've had enough for today!" Announced Thomas. "We're done? Cool," Virgil said before sinking out. "Wait- we weren't finished, ugh... another day perhaps!" Yelled Logan before he too sank out. "Hi," Patton said with a smile. 

Thomas smiled back. "Hi, are you gonna go or?"

"Oh! Yeah," Patton remembered and quickly sunk out.

Then, Thomas curled up on the couch and slept until two pm the next day. Figuring yourself out, took a lot of energy, apparently. 

[hvrtlings]

                               “ no matter how fast light travels, it finds                                    the darkness has always got there first “

* ╰   lorenzo zurzolo ;  18 ;  he/his  —— wow,  lachlan hawthorn  sure has changed. i guess  he  is feeling isolated from the other  gryffindor  members. guess you can’t really blame him. i still remember him being so  curious & adaptable  now he just seems  frustrated & evasive  guess being a  halfblood  isn’t helping matters much either.  i’m hopeful though. they’ll be just fine.  (  zoe ; cst ; 21 ; she/her  )  

WARNINGS:  infidelity, murder, car crashes, mention of war & hospitals & general bigotry    ADDITIONAL MATERIALS:   lachlan’s stats page, playlist, & pinterest board   ADDITIONAL NOTES:  this is fully a few thousand words longer than either nate’s or alecto’s intros and i should edit it down but i also need it to not be in my drafts. really sorry about that. if you want a tldr version please hmu!! or if you just want to plot!!!

when lachlan’s biological parents married, rumors abounded. plenty of couples from their class got married right out of hogwarts   ---   but none of those other couples were such a puzzling case to their peers. no one knew what sweet serena alessandri saw in declan glynne. sometimes, even serena wasn’t quite sure what it was about him; he was a dark beauty, something she could only call him in her head. he was the sort of boy who’d bristle at such a feminine compliment as beautiful; never mind that it was true. but for all his good looks, no other girl had been interested in him. maybe because he wasn’t a sweet guy   ---   just a guy who was sweet to her. 

sweet serena alessandri: deposed princess of a new money pureblood family, she hailed from italy and had lived her whole life in clueless luxury. right up until her new money family found themselves newly penniless, and escaped to england to hide their shame. 

the girls and boys she’d grown up with, gone to school with   ---   they turned on her and her family the moment they lacked the funds to support the frivolous life italian purebloods led. 

oh, but they were mean. they rubbed her family’s new poverty in her face with well calculated cruelty. they were the reasons she vowed to keep her head down when she transferred to hogwarts. she was wary of befriending muggles and muggleborns, but wary of hating them, too. haughtiness got you nothing; she knew this well. 

serena was hurt and young and foolish   ---   not to mention ever fearful of seeming those things. declan never acted like she was; maybe that’s all there was to her love. a sense of safety, if only from ridicule. 

surly declan glynne: why, he hardly warranted a full backstory. he was an angry pureblood boy from a long line of angry pureblood boys who’d never had enough money to back up their feelings of superiority. 

he was almost militant in his hatred of muggleborns and muggles; he hated muggles with a quiet passion, but muggleborns were the real problem. muggleborns infected his everyday life, stole opportunities directly from him. 

hardly a radical feeling, but still   ---   his bigotry and working-class roots didn’t make for a winning combination. swimming in friends and admirers, he was not. 

so the unlikely hogwarts sweethearts settled down months after graduating, and bets were made among their peers on how long they’d actually last. 

everybody who bet that the answer was  ‘ not long ‘  had plenty of evidence to support their stance   ---   namely, that while declan scrounged up a job in the magical maintenance department at the ministry, serena went to muggle university   ( excelled there, in that world of finite answers and figures, like she never could in the magical theory and feeling and pronunciation at hogwarts )   and ended up working at a muggle accounting firm. 

that while serena was making more money than the highest ranking official in declan’s department, declan stewed in his anger. 

his resentment bled into the relationship. they’d never had too much in common; when the sweetness declan used to treat her with left, serena was so confused. but she hated asking questions   ---   fearful as ever of seeming young and hurt and foolish, wary as ever of showing a chink in her armor to people far better equipped for cruelty. just as she learned that the purebloods of her childhood were crueler than her, she knew without needing the lesson that her husband was crueler, too. 

serena’s muggle coworkers and classmates had always liked her. 

she’d always told a version of the truth, to explain why some simple things confused her so much   —   after all, it wasn’t a lie that she was grew up in a rich italian family who lost the fortune when she was in her teens and left her kind of adrift. 

her confusion at taxis and ball point pens could be laughed off as a sign of her former rich-girl ways. 

as could her need to be liked. they all knew she attended a string of elite boarding schools but ended up having to pay her own way through university   ---   knew that she worked hard and wanted people to see that about her. 

so, yes: they’d always liked her. she was kind. 

her coworkers noticed the seemingly sudden shift in her mood, and one brave man she’d worked on a few projects with took that notice a step further   ---    friendly and concerned about her, just as kind as serena had always been to him, andrew reynolds asked her out to lunch one day. and there, he asked why serena was feeling so low.

the sweetness and the kindness from him was enough to open the floodgates. maybe, she could admit, she’d felt a little starved for those two things. declan’s moods had only ever gotten worse. she answered andrew’s questions with all the honesty the ministry allowed. 

she revealed that her husband wasn’t sweet to her anymore, that he was actually kind of cold. she revealed she was hurt and unsure of what she did wrong. andrew paid for her meal and told her that she hadn’t done anything wrong. 

that one lunch, where he said he’d be there for her, devolved into many lunches, and then late-running meetings, and finally time spent out of the office. they fell in love   —   and she became pregnant.

she hid it from declan for a while; they hadn’t been having sex all that frequently, with his sudden ire at her putting a dent in romance. but she hurried to initiate it as often as she felt was  ‘ normal ’  for a happy marriage, after she found out she was pregnant.

she wasn’t happy being married to him, but the idea of separating was alien to her   —   so she needed him to think that the baby was his.

she only got more unhappy with him, when she figured enough time had passed that she could reveal the pregnancy without suspicion. serena wasn’t sure how she’d have felt if declan had been pleased to hear they were having a baby   —   if any excitement or warmth would have won her back to him, if a return of love would’ve erased all her hurt. but the news only seemed to make him more miserable; so serena never had to find out. 

fast forward: lachlan is born, the staff at st. mungo’s hurrying as best they can to get out of a room so tense where it should be joyous. declan named the baby, and serena let him. a pang of something wrong rang through her but she ignored it in favor of plastering on a warm smile.  

then the trio returned home. 

apparently declan   ( who’d never been all that smart, whose suspicions never seemed to touch his wife, for all his anger at her and the world at large )    had wondered at serena’s change in mood before the pregnancy. he hadn’t really noticed she’d started feeling small and hurt and lost at home until she was happy again. and when she was happier, he got suspicious. he followed her physically when he could, spied on her magically when he could, and never got proof of an all-out affair   ---   but declan glynne had been born suspicious. he could wait. 

here’s the thing: all babies kind of look the same. lachlan’s looks weren’t a shocking departure from declan’s and serena’s. andrew reynolds had been white, too, so it wasn’t like baby lachlan’s skin tone was super different. but declan had just made a deal with himself, like   —   serena and I both have light hair; if this baby’s hair isn’t almost transparent, I’ll know. 

baby lachlan was born with a shock of honeyed-brown curls. so that was that. 

declan was, all records would show, an anti-muggle wackjob. and he was beyond furious that serena   ( his wife. he may not have loved her any longer, but she was his )   thought to pass off some  ‘ muggle’s bastard ‘  as his son. 

they lived in a little wizarding neighborhood a small ways away from godric’s hollow; some might say, kindly, it was more quaint than godric’s hollow. others, honestly, might point out it was a way cheaper godric’s hollow. a neighbor saw and understood what the flash of green light in the glynnes’ windows meant, and alerted the aurors. 

baby lachlan was left generally parent-less, as serena was dead and declan ended up in prison. he might have ended up dead himself, had the aurors not arrived on time. godric bless nosy neighbors, and all that. 

declan wasn’t a smart or wealthy enough pureblood guy to get away literally murdering his wife over an affair. 

some people probably sympathized with him   ( serena cheated on him with a muggle. when that saucy story hit the news, that fact was hammered in and plenty of people got where he was coming from )   but it wasn’t enough to keep him out of prison. 

lachlan definitely did have a still living parent who would’ve jumped at the chance to take care of him   —   but the wizarding authorities never even considered andrew reynolds for any real length of time. 

a peek into the auror office’s thought process:  if we give him the baby we have to explain how and why and that serena’s dead. and it’s just easier to not do that.

a peek into the world of wizarding adoptions: even smarmy, blood purist wizarding society is all about preserving magical blood. so magical orphans aren’t long left without homes; magical orphanages aren’t a thing. wizarding families are often huge. so orphaned wizards are shopped around to even distant relatives and then, if that doesn’t work out, given to other families.

scandalous, family-less, little baby lachlan wasn’t long alone.

meet the hawthorn family   ---    edmund hawthorn was born edmund shafiq and was quietly exiled from his sacred twenty-eight family when he came out. which was fine, because his husband travis hawthorn came from a sprawlingly big and welcoming half-blood family and they took edmund in right away. 

edmund still wrote to his parents, and they wrote back; they hadn’t disowned him out of bad blood. he knew his parents still loved him. they just loved the family’s image more, and needed to give him the boot in order to name his brother orlando the heir  ...   since he could give them more heirs. 

travis, conversely, had a lovely relationship with his family. 

both edmund and travis were pretty high ranking ministry workers. edmund worked in the office for the department of magical law enforcement   —   not an auror, but someone who puts together files and goes over paperwork and traces patterns. travis was a liaison minister with the department of international magical cooperation. they’re good guys with good reputations and the ministry was honestly relieved when they offered to adopt lachlan. 

lachlan grew up with two sisters: della, who was five years older, and laurel, who was just ten months older. he loved them with all his heart. 

people tended to think he and laurel were twins, especially growing up   —   the dads cut her hair a little short because she was always getting into a mess, and it was easier to clean mud and neon paint out of shorter curls than long ones   —   but with their matching hair and their alliterative names, their propensity to always cause trouble as a team   ...   they just seemed like twins.

him and laurel seeming like blood related siblings to the outside eye made it easier for the world to forget that the hawthorn’s son was the baby that caused that big scandal.   

edmund and travis never lied to the two of them and said they were blood related twins or siblings, outright. but they did let the world outside their family assume that. they figured life would be easier for lachlan if that was the readily accepted truth.

lachlan wasn’t all that adventurous on his own, but found himself dragged into his sisters’ adventures; he could vouch from experience that mud and neon paint were a pain to wash out as it was, and couldn’t imagine adding more hair into the equation. 

his sisters might’ve been better at getting into messes, but lachlan made up for it by being a mess. he was always having a crisis as a kid   —   his stuffed dinosaurs were just ravaging the block city, dad, but what about the finger puppet people in that apartment building? do they even sell dinosaur insurance?? why didn’t I think of the implications here  ... 

he and laurel played knights a lot, with toy swords and helmets modeled after the suits of armor in hogwarts  ( travis asked edmund if that wasn’t a little much, when they bought them; they were a few years out from school, after all, they didn’t care that the helmets were accurate   —   )   and lachlan always wondered about the ramifications of two knights fighting each other. laurel always took the ensuing soliloquy of hypothetical questions as opportunity to knock him flat backwards.

he was a needy kid   —   he always had questions at his lips, a thousand moral quandaries to discuss. he had an active imagination and a tendency to let situations snowball into situations.

he was often hilarious, and rarely on purpose, and very easy to like. anyone who knew his birth mother would’ve been surprised to see lachlan   —   he truly was nothing like serena. he was bright and sweet and openly curious about everything. he loved storytelling and art and music; a perfect case to show that nurture always won out over nature.

when it was time for him to go to hogwarts, he wasn’t at all sure what house he’d get sorted into   —   it wasn’t the sort of thing he’d ever been hung up on thinking about, for all that he’d wondered about every other part of the hogwarts experience. his dads had both been in different houses, and he had no way of knowing what houses his birth parents belonged to. the sorting hat cried out GRYFFINDOR a scant few moments after touching down on his unruly curls, and lachlan decided that felt right.

he loved hogwarts.  

 lachlan made friends easily and often   —   he’d grown up in the constant companionship of his sisters and knew well how to start conversations and shift them from uncomfortable topics, was skilled at asking questions that made people feel good and liked. 

he was a little overzealous in class, but most of his professors liked him well enough. lachlan was still a curious guy, and seemed to genuinely care about each subject   —   something that went a long way towards endearing him to hogwarts’ staff.

though, some of the staff might’ve been endeared to him even if he wasn’t generally endearing. 

his interesting past wasn’t a secret from most of the professors; travis and edmund had done well enough redirecting people’s memories around their son, but then most people had already forgotten about serena and declan, or else had never really known them in the first place. but many hogwarts professors recalled teaching the couple, recalled the shock their ending gave them, when the news hit.

lachlan’s  ‘ story ‘  wasn’t something his dads had shared with him just yet, so lachlan himself didn’t know. it was a little maddening walking around the castle, when it felt like all the adults looked like they knew something he didn’t. 

dumbledore, being dumbledore, took it upon himself to tell lachlan the whole sordid tale himself, when lachlan was just starting his fourth year. it was a shock   ( it majorly pissed off travis and edmund, who never found out why the old man did such a thing )   but the next time he went home for the holidays his dads sat him down and explained that, no they weren’t hiding it from him and yes, they’d had plans set to tell him when he was seventeen and of age.

wizarding authorities could have hunted down andrew reynolds and told him he had a son, but they didn’t. travis and edmund, however, wanted to find andrew just in case lachlan ever wanted to meet him. so lo and behold   —   once lachlan knew, his dad’s set up a meeting for the four of them in muggle london. it went well; kinda full of shock and crying, even without breaking the  ‘ wizard ’  of it all to andrew, but still well.

lachlan was perfectly happy with his sisters and his dads; for all that he’d always known he was adopted and for all that he’d always been curious as hell, he’d never really pushed his dads about his birth parents. his dads just were his dads. end of story   —   no need for questions. 

which was part of why it was easy for him to go fourteen years before learning about his past. lachlan could not be paid to stop the flow of his curiosity, but there were somethings that seemed so solidly true he never thought to question them.

so while it was kind of cool meeting andrew, it was also kind of weird. knowing about andrew at all was weird   —   because it meant knowing that his mother had died days after giving birth to him, alone and scared and unhappy. and that her husband had been a bigot and a murderer; that declan glynne was still alive in prison somewhere. it was a suckerpunch to the gut knowing that lachlan had come close to being killed himself, if a neighbor hadn’t called the aurors on their house just in time to save the baby he used to be.

listen, he’d never wanted to know where he came from. 

but he knew he’d feel, like, kind of bad if he just never saw andrew again. so with his dads’ permission   ( and encouragement; edmund and travis thought this would be good for lachlan, like getting to know his Muggle Heritage from his Muggle Birth Father )   he hung out with him on occasion, during holidays and school breaks.

even though the professors clearly knew about his past, and his dads did, and his sisters did once he decided he wanted to tell them   ...   lachlan kept it all under wraps around his friends at school. he liked to think he was an open book, before. but learning where he came from made him want to play his cards a little closer to his chest. he couldn’t put his finger on why   —   he knew it worried his dads, he knew it did, and figured he’d get over it in due time, once he settled into the truth.

it just didn’t seem like the truth wanted to settle around him.

declan glynne had family. he was a middle son from a whole gaggle of bigoted, disillusioned glynne brothers. the ministry just never considered them when they were trying to figure out who would take lachlan on. they looked at serena’s family and saw no options, but declan was not lachlan’s father and, like andrew, was never even considered. 

ian glynne had a bone to pick with this   —   had a bone to pick with lachlan’s whole existence, too, had a problem with that almost more than being overlooked. 

( he thought that if serena had just kept her legs shut she’d never have gotten herself pregnant and gotten herself dead and gotten her husband sent to prison. more than that, he thought if she hadn’t gotten the idea of a muggle career into her head and made his brother upset, what with her math and her decent paycheck, she really would’ve staved all this off. but serena was dead   —   so it was easier to blame the baby, who wasn’t. )

he was a fan of simmering in his anger and hatred and kept up with the news about lachlan, at least enough to know who he ended up being adopted by.

and from there he got an idea; the hawthorns were good people   —   a compliment that would’ve come out as a sneer if ian voiced it, the judgement and sarcasm inherent in every syllable. he figured at some point, they’d tell lachlan who his birth parents were, maybe even introduce him to that homewrecking muggle. and if they did, and if ian kept a low profile, kept observing   …   they’d lead ian right to the muggle at the root of his brother’s injustice. 

he wasn’t always watching lachlan, just keeping an eye on him by keeping an eye on his dads. he’d never been all that smart or ambitious   —   the glynnes were a family that thrived in their self-righteousness and self-importance and didn’t feel like they should have to act on those things to get what they deserved.

but his anger, his half baked plot, was enough to spur ian to action for the first time in his life. he rose through the ranks of the ministry through pure determination and will and ended up working in the same office in the department of magical law enforcement as edmund. they almost became friends; not earnestly, not honestly   —   not on ian’s part. but they did. friendly enough for ian to ask after edmund’s kids and get answers, friendly enough to hear about the trip into muggle london to visit someone edmund described as one of the kids’  ‘ distant relatives. ‘

he followed them.

and he didn’t do anything that time lachlan and the muggle were in the same place, but he started to plan.

it would’ve been too hard to keep magical surveillance over lachlan and the hawthorns, so he hadn’t, not ever. just kept an eye on them the old fashioned way, through word of mouth and casual water-cooler conversation. but andrew reynolds had no means of catching ian glynne in the act of spying. so, spy he did.

muggle police would later rule it a tragic car accident   —   shaking their heads at the carnage as they carted lachlan off to the muggle hospital while he clung with bloody hands to consciousness. it took hours for the dads to find him there and by the time his family reached him he decided he wouldn’t tell them any of the truth of what happened; told the official from the auror department once he got relocated to st. mungo’s, but only because he had to. 

he never asked if that official told his dads. none of the hawthorns talked about the situation anymore than they had to, after that.

here was the situation:

ian glynne tailed lachlan and andrew all day   —   a saturday during easter hols during lachlan’s fifth year wherein andrew showed lachlan around muggle london. the pair had lunch together, looked in a few shops, and were set to drive out to andrew’s home outside of the city, where edmund and travis and lachlan’s sisters would meet them later for tea. 

ian glynne got them on a secluded section of road just far enough away from both the city proper and andrew’s home to cause immediate alarm.

he came out in front of the car and andrew made to swerve around the man, but ian cast some defensive spell lachlan had yet to learn at the hood. it exploded   —   felt like they crashed into another vehicle even though they were the only car on the road.

lachlan and andrew both slammed into the windshield, but neither crashed through it. ian came ‘round to andrew’s side of the car and started screaming questions at him about serena and declan; then he shot him with a muggle handgun, something lachlan had surely never laid eyes on before.

andrew did not die from that initial gunshot   —   ian was a terrible shot, and was half out of his mind besides. the bullet just grazed him, and he inelegantly dragged andrew out of the car after. 

lachlan made his way out of the vehicle too, bleeding and hurt, all cut up and bruised from the crash and the glass he had to wade through. he thought, maybe, he was in shock. he was certainly in shock once he finally bambi-legged his way out of the demolished vehicle and saw ian cast a cruciatus on his biological father. 

and, still in shock when he saw ian whammy andrew with a killing curse after that. 

ian did not attempt to turn his wand on lachlan   —   this was the second time in his short life that a glynne brother forgot to kill him once done with a more satisfying target. ian took for the bare april greenery lining the road and lachlan   ( curious, trauamtized dumbass that he was )   ran after him. found a gun pointed at him for a terrifying moment before the muggle police sirens cut the air and sent ian apparating on out of there.

he fought to go back to hogwarts right away; it was only the first saturday of the holiday that all this went down, so lachlan felt, since he spent the whole rest of it in hospitals and bed, surely he was fine. the dads disagreed, and his sisters disagreed, and the auror working on ian’s case disagreed. he’d just become, in a way, an orphan. and it felt like no one around him cared to see him recover in the way he wanted to.

lachlan managed to bargain that he’d get to return to school as soon as ian was sent to join his brother in prison   —   none of the world any wiser that he’d been there when the newest glynne family crime was committed. 

laurel decreed that it’d look less strange if both of them stayed home until then, and that was that. the dads wouldn’t begrudge lachlan the company of his sister, if he couldn’t return to full normalcy just yet.

della was graduated at this point, technically an adult working a fancy job at some boutique robe shop, but she came home every day from work and glued herself to her younger siblings’ sides. lachlan recovered his new, strange orphan-hood with his not-twin and big sister at his side, dads hovering around as much as their jobs allowed.

the hawthorns were tight knit and loosely configured all at once   —   always brimming with love and independence in spades, care expressed tenderly and roughly, like no one was sure how to be earnest. edmund and travis had always expressed affection like that: through arguing and debating and ribbing more than any big displays. 

the kids worked the same way. family dinners used to be more running jokes and teasing than anything, raucous like none of them knew the definition of serious.

the five hawthorns weren’t really sure if that old normal was still achievable; lachlan’s brush with near-death met the daunting news lurking on the edge of their world. the whispers of war.

things became very real for the carefree family   —   the fact of edmund’s disownment, and travis’ famous half-bloodedness.

that all three kids were adopted with far-from-simple origin stories   ( even if lachlan’s was the loudest, neither laurel nor della came from a closet free of skeletons ),   that the dads were gay and the kids were open in their opposition to anti-muggle and anti-muggleborn sentiment

ian glynne might not’ve gone after lachlan for any of that, not really. but the possibility started to hit with dizzying closeness.

two weeks after the holiday officially ended, laurel and lachlan returned to hogwarts. if lachlan had seemed new and different upon receiving the news of his biological parentage, then he seemed really different following his brush with death and new witness to murder. it was the kind of different that was hard to put your finger on. he smoked now, and drank more; he was liable to fall into fits of melancholy. 

cynicism did not come easy to him, but he found that wariness did, that secrecy did. it was shocking.

he finished his fifth year chomping at the bit to do something, anything, about the awful ways in which his world was changing. the next year only held more tragedy   ---   attacks and deaths and disappearances. no one knew what happened to him unless he chose to tell them   ( and in truth, there was almost no one he chose to tell )   but he couldn’t help but feel a kinship with everyone newly hurt by this world. he’d been hurt by it, too, after all. 

there was a small degree of safety offered within hogwarts’ walls, but he couldn’t help but want to be free of them. to be out there, doing something. lachlan would wait for now, ask questions and notice things and store them away the way he always had. but it started to feel like he was just biding his time until he had something to do with every new thing he learned. 

[ebola-kun]

L.A.'s Music Industry Women Are Sick of the Same Old Song When It Comes to Equality | L.A. Weekly

"Threats, hate accounts, weird fan interactions, being hacked several times over the last year — reporting harassment and blocking just became a part of life as I now know it," Addams says. "For some fans it became their life's mission to watch my every move via social media, create false narratives, all in order to let people know that I am not perfect. The same fake accounts of online detectives trying to prove by my actions that I might possibly be lying. They suggested I deserved what happened to me. They questioned why after 20 years would I destroy a man's life? I did not destroy anybody's life. The man who did what he did to me and many other women destroyed his own life by his egregious actions."

Courtesy Purple Crush

Women in the music industry who come forward with similar stories can expect just as much harassment, judgment and doubt online as support, and probably more of the former because "sex, drugs and rock & roll" is built into its mystique. It's expected. Still, some have been brave enough to speak out regardless. In the pop world, Taylor Swift and Kesha were the biggest names to call out behaviors ranging from inappropriate to abusive. And in R&B and hip-hop, the list of men accused of varying degrees of assault goes on and on: Russell Simmons, R. Kelly, L.A. Reid, Chris Brown —all of whom seem to have been for the most part, unscathed professionally. Indeed, the inherent rebelliousness and seduction of the music world makes for a slippery slope. While I spoke with women in indie and rock music for this story, there are so many more to talk to and the problem is far-reaching. The L.A. Weekly will continue to explore these issues within other genres and L.A. nightlife environments on a regular basis next year.

The dance music world for example, is particularly troublesome. Isla Jones of the electro-dance group Purple Crush and promoter of L.A.'s Banjee Ball parties recalls how she found herself the target of cyberbullying via DJ/producer Diplo's Hollertronix message board. "There was this 'dude bro' persona that Diplo iconified, which legions of internet DJs emulated. Being the outspoken woman that I am, I became an easy target for them and was clowned on a weekly basis," she says. The clowning translated into physical violence a couple times, and Jones, who is known in L.A. for her inclusive LGBTQ events, says that it was celebrated online. "It felt like digital rape."

Alice Glass, former frontwoman of Crystal Castles, is one of the few indie artists who came out with a story similar to Addams', accusing her ex-bandmate and beau Ethan Kath of physical and sexual abuse in October 2017. He denied it and filed a defamation suit against her, which was later dismissed. She has gone on to make some of the most powerful music of her career and now is seen as an advocate for victims of assault. In general, though, women who want to prove they can rock with the boys seem more likely to suck it up. As one rock legend tells it, it's hard enough getting acknowledged as a musician in the first place.

"The Go-Go's had been together for three years and could sell out any club we played on the West Coast," recalls guitarist/songwriter Jane Wiedlin, "yet not one major label was interested in us. The attitude was, there'd never been a successful all-female band and so there never would be. There was even an article on the front page of the L.A. Times' Calendar section: 'Why Can't The Go-Go's Get a Record Deal?' It was very frustrating. Finally, a new and tiny label, I.R.S. Records, came to see us, loved us, and offered us a record deal."

Brit Witt at Coachella

Zane Roessell

Though I.R.S. was small, it cared about the band and supported them irrespective of sex, which put The Go-Go's on a successful, hit-packed trajectory. Still, when Wiedlin forged a career on her own years later, she was not immune to vulturous actions. "When I first went solo, in 1985, I took a dinner meeting with a record producer who claimed he wanted to work with me," she recalls. "He ended up trapping me in a room and wouldn't let me leave until I 'put out.' I ended up giving in because I didn't know what else to do. For decades I thought it was my fault, because I hadn't fought back. Now I feel differently about it. Now I know I was assaulted by a sexual predator."

Wiedlin's story is not revelatory but it does reflect how women who accepted these behaviors back then view their experiences now. And whether onstage or off-, the challenges remain the same. Even when women seemingly are in control, they often have to deal with limitations that hinder their success if they don't act a certain way. Men in power were — and are — allowed to wield it without judgment; women, not so much.

Michelle Carr at Jabberjaw

Courtesy Jabberjaw

Britt Witt has made a name for herself booking and running the Hi Hat in Highland Park, but it didn't come easy. "I think I was in denial. I think I still am because I've always just focused on getting the job done rather than why I can't," she explains. "I [used to] attribute being dismissed, ignored and underpaid to just not being good enough. Nowadays, I realize that I'm constantly overcoming the challenge of being considered intimidating, brash or bitchy just because I put my foot down in the same places men do. Encountering skepticism with ideas and facts where a man repeats the same statement minutes later to celebration."

From management to booking to being a club owner, the frustrations I've heard from women working in the music biz over the years have played like a badly broken record. "Owning a music venue with a guy was very frustrating in that I was never taken seriously," says Michelle Carr, proprietress of legendary '90s music venue Jabberjaw, where Nirvana famously first played L.A. "Most would not take my word. They more often than not would seek out Gary [her former partner] for any wants or needs — he was the default. What was most surprising was when even the Riot Grrrl contingent would treat me as such."

Dayle Gloria, who booked the legendary L.A. club Scream, helping to discover bands like Jane's Addiction in the process, and later the Viper Room, echoes Carr's complaints about being taken seriously. "In order to do that I had to really 'man up,' leaving so much of my femininity behind," she admits. "I was always a tomboy but had to be harder than that. If I asked for something once, it was never enough. It was getting to the point where to be heard I had to yell and scream. To get things done. It's not a great way to live."

"I wanted to be seen as a professional manager and executive, and not looked upon as a groupie, girlfriend or disposable mommy," echoes Vicky Hamilton, known for her work managing Guns N' Roses and Poison in the '80s. "To be treated fairly and paid equal to a man for the work done. I have a much better track record then many of my male counterparts, and the bands I have worked with have sold over 250 million records collectively, but I feel it is much harder to get financial backing for my new record company than it would be for a white male with lesser achievements."

Dayle Gloria with Scott Weiland

Courtesy Dayle Gloria

Witt books some of the hottest shows in L.A. right now, but Gloria and Carr are happily out of the music and club business (though Carr is working on a documentary about Jabberjaw). Hamilton soldiers on with a new label, Dark Spark Music, even after years of not being acknowledged for her contributions. "[When] I was an A&R person at a major label, the executive who was supposed to be mentoring me, who took full credit for a band that I brought to the label, told me that my snake in the grass was about recognition and credit. My response was, 'No shit, since I never seem to get either around here.' A month later my contract option was not renewed," she recalls.

Fear of not being seen as a team player or even losing one's job has been a factor for many women in terms of the varying levels of bad treatment they might accept. It's one of the reasons the news about FYF Fest founder Sean Carlson took so long to surface. Nobody wanted to be the first one, possibly standing alone against a powerful man, to put the truth out there. But as detailed in a 2017 Spin magazine article, Carlson's misconduct was "an open secret" for quite some time. Though the Spin piece featured all but one woman sharing stories anonymously, the tales of assault at FYF-associated parties were corroborated by many on social media afterward, and Carlson himself issued a statement to Spin acknowledging his behavior. "I acted inappropriately and shamefully, and deeply regret my actions," he wrote, though the end of the statement went for the all-too-common "blame it on the alcohol" type of excuses that some felt were disingenuous.

Goldenvoice severed all ties with Carlson just before the story broke around this time last year. Soon after, in what should have been a validating and somewhat victorious moment for women, Goldenvoice announced that FYF would go on, unveiling a female-heavy lineup minus Carlson's input, curated mostly by women at the company, including Goldenvoice vet Jennifer Yacoubian, who previously booked the El Rey Theatre and the Shrine Auditorium. The lineup, one of the best FYF would ever see, included Janet Jackson as headliner along with Florence + the Machine, St. Vincent, The Breeders, The xx, U.S. Girls, My Bloody Valentine, Charlotte Gainsbourg and more. But a few months later the entire fest was canceled, reportedly due to low ticket sales. Many journalists, including this one, were dumbfounded that a lineup like that could fail, and a fair share wondered online if there was more to the cancellation. Many of us are hoping that FYF will try again for a similarly gender-equal lineup next year. We'll see.

Vicky Hamilton with Bret Michaels

Courtesy Vicky Hamilton

Festival culture has in many ways become a microcosm of the music world these days, reflecting sexual culture and pop culture in general. The biggest, Coachella, also put together by Goldenvoice/AEG, has made some strides in representing the concerns of women onstage and off-, but for many of us more is needed, and all the major promoters could do better. Warped Tour brought in a group called Safe Spaces to monitor safety for young girls at the event, and even amidst controversy concerning the group's tactics, it was a signal for change that had a positive impact. Unfortunately, Warped is now kaput.

Warped vet Monique Powell of the ska-punk outfit Save Ferris has used her social media to call out the disparities she's seen as a performer on the festival circuit for years, such as flyers, posters and advertisements that belittle female performers by putting them at the bottom of the bill, even when their bands have bigger followings. She also has told the world about the outright sexism she's encountered on tour from promoters, other bands and even her own bandmates. Like Addams, Powell became the victim of brutal online harassment after a legal battle ensued over use of Save Ferris' name when she sought to forge a comeback after a long hiatus. It got worse when she won the case.

"People didn't like that I was bringing it back and I was doing it my way," she says wearily. "I was trolled. I got death threats. And the commonality was unmistakable: They were all young men, 25 to 35 and they all liked a specific band from Orange County."

Powell stops short of naming the band but says a long-held rivalry with a male singer in the scene has led to her feeling unsafe and targeted in recent years, even by the media (TMZ, Perez Hilton and O.C. Weekly's reports about the lawsuit all seem to subtly villainize her). Powell, who lives in L.A. now but grew up in Orange County, says she became "a punching bag. I believe that in Orange County, and in L.A. as well, there's still an accepted underlying misogyny, where strong women who have a voice are not considered ladylike, and therefore not to be trusted."

Save Ferris' Monique Powell

Josh Coffman

To counteract this perception, Powell is shining a light on it, sharing her experiences online and hashtagging them with #dontskirttheissue. She hopes to take the conversation that has emerged and turn it into something bigger, with meetups and a bona fide watchdog group that points out women in music being overlooked and judged by their gender unfairly, in promos, media and more.

Mobilization is coming from all fronts right now, and speaking out is only the beginning. Like the women mentioned thus far, Daisy O'Dell, Ana Calderon, Michelle Pesce and Kate Mazzuca are all names known in local music circles nightlife and beyond, the first three as top L.A. DJs and music curators/supervisors and the latter as a marketing and events entrepreneur. Last year, around the same time that #MeToo started building steam, they sought to make change for women in nightlife by creating a group called, fittingly, woman. The collective grew out of a weekly lunch gathering of female DJs, and its goals were many, but the main one was to create welcoming and safe environments for women in a music and club scene where objectification and discrimination had become commonplace and stories of assault and druggings at venues, some where the gals spun, had started to become more frequent. The women of woman. realized that it was the mindset — of venue owners and promoters, who were all male — that needed to change.

Calderon recalls her aggravation sitting in on club meetings. "We would hear some of the most obscene discussions that you would never expect to hear today about women and women attending venues," she reveals, going on to recount the conversation that made her quit doing clubs in bottle service–driven West Hollywood. "I was brought in to bring more interesting people to the club, and it was a lot of Eastside creatives and LGBT, but at one particular meeting a promoter said he appreciated the mix I brought in but he wondered if I could 'target prettier trans people.' I walked out. I was sad and grossed out and felt like something needed to be done. We couldn't have clubs owned and run just by men anymore."

"What's interesting is that these feelings of unrest, of wanting to take action in terms of sexism and misogyny — even though we were all somewhat isolated from each other — happened simultaneously," interjects O'Dell, who encountered a lot of both as a touring DJ for concerts and in clubs. She realized it was embedded into the system she was a part of. "We were all coming to the same realization that, as veterans in this industry, we had to do something because the younger generation kind of looks to us to lead anyway."

Courtesy woman.

Earlier this year, the ladies pulled together their resources and sought to open an all-female-run nightclub. But as fate would have it, on the day they were going to sign the lease for the perfect Hollywood space, an accusation of abuse emerged against one of the building's owners by his former girlfriend. Though he was a male ally to their vision, they opted not to move forward. Hesitant to qualify the allegations as true or false (charges have since been dropped), they admit there was internal conflict. "It was a very difficult decision to make because we had worked so hard and we had come so far and we had gotten so close," O'Dell says. Adds Calderon, "It was heartbreaking."

O'Dell and Calderon say they will open up a club one day but in the meantime they are channeling their energy into initiatives: The first is a list of guidelines for the nightclub industry touting inclusion and equality; and the second is an even bigger objective that goes beyond clubs and into events, including the all-important music festival arena.

soteria.

Named for the Greek goddess of safety and salvation, "soteria." is a designated safe space and service hub at music events created to ensure "the safety and well-being of any visitor experiencing trauma trigger, harassment, sexual misconduct and/or assault."

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They already instituted soteria. (which they stress is for everyone who might feel vulnerable at music events, not just women) at the Form festival in Arizona and the Summit LA18 event last month in DTLA with great success, providing safety ambassadors and crisis managers on the ground as well as a private "sanctuary room" and lounge area. They promise much more to come, changing the game for people who love music and those who make it at events.coalition

Sadly, Addams is not making music any longer, but for those who are, like Glass, and new female artists, establishing boundaries is key so that the various forms of mistreatment outlined here will no longer be normalized. Despite the challenges, more women than ever are out there rocking, and in L.A. acts like Starcrawler, Deap Vally, The Regrettes, Cherry Glazerr, Kate Crash, Beck Black, Feels, Dorothy, War Paint, Best Coast and so many more are re-defining the roles, audaciously and unapologetically, scoring huge opening-band tour slots and higher rankings on festival lineups in the process. Local female ground-breakers like L7, Allison Wolfe, Abby Travis, Alice Bag, and Miss Wiedlin herself, are still at it too.

In addition to woman. other groups are providing even more platforms: the Women of Rock project has been collecting stories for some time now, and there's the Girl Cult coalition (which has an event this weekend). There's also Women in Music L.A, and the new book Women Who Rock has spawned an activist group as well. Private women's groups on Facebook have been a resource for women from all walks of life (the music world included) such as "Girls Night Out" and "Binders Full of Women Writers," both of which throw events in town. The latter has led to a popular annual event called BinderCon in various cities.

Beyond supporting each other and holding certain men responsible for their actions, the cultural reckoning happening right now is about finding power in numbers. In the L.A. music scene, it's transcending talk, taking action and hopefully transforming old norms so that real change can occur and everyone, no matter what gender they identify with, can unite and celebrate life. "Solutions are the future of the conversation," O'Dell says hopefully. "It's so exciting to see what was born out of women in nightlife and music holding space for each other."

This content was originally published here.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Hot Take: Daphne is Castiel

(Sorry if everyone but me has already thought of this.  It made me feel clever; don’t take this from me.)

So I was thinking about that Daphne Loves Fred carved on the bar in Dean’s “fantasy,” and then I was thinking about Daphne in general and who she is to Dean, which actually has some layers to it.

So, Scoobynatural was obviously entirely about childhood innocence, and Daphne is exactly the right Perfect Girl for a pre-sexual, child version of Dean.  She’s pretty and feminine, spunky and game for adventure, loyal and a caretaker -- honestly, she’s one pale pink nightgown short of a full-blown Oedipal issue (not in her similarity to Actual Mary, of course, but to the Mother Mary fantasy that Dean, who grieved his mother and the innocent pre-monster life she represented nonstop throughout his childhood).  Dean’s life was, like an episode of Scooby-Doo, lived on the road, out of a moving vehicle, on an aimless ramble from event to event with a reset button at the end of every “episode” -- but Scooby-Doo remained a fantasy and not a nightmare for him because it showed The Hunting Life not as the grim, marginal existence that Dean actually lived exclusively in the care of gruff man’s men like John and Bobby, but a playful version full of bright colors and giant sandwiches and the Sweetest, Prettiest Girl In the World.

Right, so but then -- puberty happened, and Dean discovered sex.  And the thing about Dean is that he ISN’T attracted to ingenues like Daphne.  Dean likes frisky women.  Dean likes ladies with experience.  Dean’s adult fantasies are exclusively about strippers and porn stars and One-Night Wonders and tramp-stamp rock’n’roll badasses like Pamela.  And he doesn’t have some kind of gross Madonna/Whore complex, either -- the time he found a woman that he could see in the wife-and-mother role, it was Lisa, whom he remembered with enormous enthusiasm from her younger days, when she used to pick up cute drifters in biker bars and bang them like screen doors for a couple of days then send them packing.  Yeah, Lisa had mellowed with age by the time she was Dean’s actual partner, but he picked someone he associated with assertive sexuality, not just domesticity.  Dean likes women who are going to meet his flirting and come back at him twice as hard, who want him, and who know what they want him for.

Season 13 rolls around, and he slips through what the fuck ever and ends up revisiting his childhood, and his childhood crush.  And in keeping with the theme of the episode, which is about the needs that nostalgia fulfills and the urge we have to protect the innocence of the child versions of ourselves (even knowing that the whole concept of “childhood innocence” is built on a series of illusions), he’s back in that child mindset right away: he wants DAPHNE, Daphne is PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL and everything he missed out on having in his life when he was young -- she’s both Devoted Girlfriend and Team Mommy Figure.  She’s terribly ill-suited to the person Dean actually grew up to be, but that’s not the point; she’s a child’s dream of feminine affection.

So who is Daphne, as “person” within the Scoobynatural universe (as distinct from the character Dean knew on the tv show)?  Well, just like he remembers, she’s brave and cheery and endlessly kind and foxy... but unlike whatever Dean’s half-formed boyhood fantasies were all about, she’s... completely unattainable.  (Oh, look who wants what he can’t have.  Hm.)  She’s completely unattainable for two reasons.

One is that she IS a devoted girlfriend -- Fred’s devoted girlfriend.  Sam calls him out immediately for trying to pick up someone else’s girl, and Daphne is impervious to Dean’s clumsy attempts to disparage Fred (”What a jerk!” “Not really.”)  When he asks what Daphne wants, she describes Fred -- strong, sincere, ascot.  (We’re gonna come back to the ascot.)  Daphne’s wants and needs are simple: she is a one-man woman, and she has her man.  There’s nothing there for Dean to work with.

The second is that... Daphne is a child’s fantasy, and appears to be, completely without calculation, as asexual as a child.  Now, the rules of the Cartoon Universe clearly don’t require that to be the case: Velma is also a cartoon character, and she’s wildly thirsty for Sam from minute one.  Sex, or at least sexual attraction, seems to exist in this reality... but Daphne is wholly unaware of it.  She hasn’t even rejected it; she just doesn’t think about it.  Boys and girls don’t sleep in the same room, silly.

Daphne loves Fred.  But Daphne doesn’t sleep with Fred; Daphne isn’t a sexual being at all.  Her love is loyal and true, but her love is for Fred’s virtues, not Fred’s body.

There’s a whole ‘nother long essay, of course, about Dean’s weird, all-over-the-map reaction to Fred.  Fred is the worst, Fred is a loser, the Perfect Woman is totally wasted on Fred... but of course, Fred also embodies some standard of heroism that Dean wants to be: he is strong, he is sincere, he’s the leader, the driver, the Good Soldier -- not just an obedient soldier, but a good one that people admire and care about.  His fear when he gets the Big Reveal about ghosts is that he hasn’t saved enough people; he’s that kind of guy. (Oh, hey, what does Daphne worry about? Just her eternal soul, whether she’s worthy of Heaven or damned to Hell. Isn’t that interesting.) Not for nothing does Dean end up wearing that goddamn ascot by the end of the episode; more than anything, what Dean aspires to be is someone who is strong and sincere and has done good and is worthy of the love and friendship that Fred takes for granted.

Daphne loves Fred.  Well, why shouldn’t she?  He’s a good man, faithful and strong, her companion and protector and teammate.  In spite of Dean kicking against the post, even he has to admit by the end, Daphne loves Fred because Fred deserves Daphne’s love.  They suit each other.  The exist in this fantasy world, perfectly matched and perfectly happy.  In separate bedrooms.

There’s a perpetual question, after this many years, about why exactly Dean is the only sentient being in the universe who seems convinced that he can’t be with Castiel.  He is not unaware of the fact that the obvious explanation for 3/4ths of everything Castiel has done in the past decade is “he’s absurdly, self-destructively in love with Dean.”  Like, Dean couldn’t be unaware of it, because people keep saying it.  A lot of fanfic has this kind of goofy, YA novel take on it, where Dean is obliviously self-deprecating, where he’s all like, oh, just some regular guy like me, how could he ever want me?  But that’s -- come on.  Dean’s not stupid, and he’s certainly not stupid about people.  The way he blithely factors Castiel into all of his future plans, the way he’s got that beach chair all picked out for their retirement, it’s clear that he know Castiel is here for the long haul, that he’s loyal to Dean for life.  Literally everyone knows that.

Daphne loves Fred.

But Dean can’t have Daphne.  Not in the real world.   Because Daphne isn’t from the real world.  She’s not a human being, although she’s close enough to make an engaging fantasy.

Daphne is entirely, unbreakably, unquestionably devoted to her strong, sincere, righteous man.  But boys and girls don’t sleep in the same room.  Silly.

I think it’s not Castiel’s love that Dean thinks he can’t have.  That’s often fandom’s take, because of some perception that Dean doesn’t think he deserves love or whatever.  And maybe Dean doesn’t think he deserves it, I don’t know, but he’s not an idiot, and it never really made sense to me that he could be that goddamn blind to the fact that he does have it.  Daphne loves Fred, and Dean maybe has some complex feelings about that -- about whether Fred is good enough, about whether Fred deserves Daphne -- but he knows it’s true.  He’s so sure it’s true that he keeps it carved deep in the grain, a sentimental reminder, the kind of thing childhood sweethearts do, a memento of first love in all its purity.

What Dean thinks he can’t have isn’t love.  It’s sex.  Because who he’s in love with is fundamentally incompatible with Dean specifically sexually -- and while I still think Dean’s internalized homophobia is a part of that, I think he’s at least mellowed enough to know that getting over his own shit is an option for him.  What’s not an option for him is Castiel ever becoming the kind of hot-blooded, sexually assertive, throw-you-down-and-fuck-your-brains-out kind of person that gets Dean’s dick hard.  Daphne may love Fred to death, but Fred is never, ever gonna get any ass from Daphne.

Fred seems to be fine with that.  He seems to love in that same pure, childlike way that Daphne does -- that Dean did when he actually was a child with his mother’s voice in his ears, telling him that angels were watching.  But present-day Dean, the man that Dean grew into, is not fine with it.

He wants what he can’t have.  He keeps that purity of love close to him, among the other signs and symbols of his identity that decorate his dumb squirrel bar, because he does value it, and he values Castiel.  But that distance exists between them, and I’m increasingly convinced it’s because of that fundamental incompatibility -- Dean is a guy who likes to get dirty (hell, even his demon-self just had orgies at honky-tonks with world-weary barmaids instead of properly debauching and corrupting the innocent like we see so many other demons preferring to do), and Castiel is (I think almost indisputably) some version of asexual.

Castiel loves Dean and the entire goddamn multiverse knows it, but he’s still something that Dean wants and can’t have.  Both of these concepts always seemed pretty intuitively obvious to me, but I don’t think I ever fully grokked how they connected to each other until the Daphne thing fell into place.

[carlottastudios]

Do you guys remember a long long long ass time ago when I made posts about an original series idea of mine called Dawnlyte? Well, Dawnlyte is not the only original series I'm planning. This one, oh boy, this one is one I'm been INTENSELY planning and putting thought and work into for the past few months. Like Dawnlyte, this is an idea that's been in my mind for years now (not as many as Dawnlyte, but still quite a few), and now I finally feel ready to post something about it. Peoples, I present you my first ever post about Fabler! Unlike Dawnlyte, which is high fantasy like Lord of the Rings or The Dragon Prince, Fabler is an urban fantasy series like Harry Potter, Dresden Files and Spiderwick Chronicles. This series in particular is very much inspired by Harry Potter, but with way less of a focus on school and way more focus on how fun magic can be. Also, whereas Harry Potter has plenty of witches and wizards, Fabler follows a logic much more akin to The Wizard of Oz, because there are plenty of witches and, so far, only 1 wizard. Also, there's quite a bit of mythology showing up in Fabler as well, particularly a certain character whom I've been wanting to write in a sympathetic light for ages now and now I finally can! That's all I'll say for now here, but if you guys have any and all questions about the series, feel free to ask them and I'll try to answer without giving away too many spoilers. Also, I'll try to post more Fabler content in the future that can answer some of those questions (or create more questions). But now getting to these particular posts. Very recently, I've finally been able to establish the very basic plot for the main story of Fabler and, thus, I was able to determine all of the characters who'll come into play. At least, all of the characters who have enough of a role to merit a name. And when I finally got my list of named characters, I decided to do something Ive been longing to do since I discovered @thenamelessdoll​'s crossover To Belong series: make my own Non/Disney Crossover cast for my own story. And so that's what I did here! I got my whole list of named Fabler characters and, after much searching and deliberating, decided on which 2D animated Disney or very-similar-to-Disney character would "play" as them if I were ever to make a Non/Disney Crossover series of videos for Fabler (which I will tell you now I will probably never do as I don't have the right programs for making Non/Disney Crossover edits, not to mention my talents lie more in writing and drawing, not video editing). And now, I think I might as well explain some of the reasons for my casting choices! Why? Because I can and because I am SOOO excited to finally be talking about Fabler!

Kayley as Tarina: This was the first ever casting choice and it was one I've had right from the beginning, pretty much since I came up with Tarina. Tarina is the main character and I kinda based her on Kayley in a few ways. And not just her appearance, I swear. Because yes, Tarina is supposed to look like Kayley in terms of character design. Also, Kayley was one of my favourite characters ever growing up and I believe she deserves more attention. So I'm putting her in the spotlight here by having her play the role of my main girl Tarina! Kida as Kat: Kat was more challenging to cast. I was thinking of having her played by Audrey, since both are pretty tough girls. But Kat's not super rough the way Audrey comes off as being. So I wanted someone a bit more gentle and easily approachable. Oddly, the badass warrior princess who can wield spears and knives kinda fits that more. Also, Kat isn't actually a total tomboy and I felt casting Audrey as her would give off that impression. Also, both Kida and Kat have names that start with K and both of them are lovely ladies with long white hair. So that lines up! Belle as Celeste: Celeste is kind of the opposite of Kat in that you might think at first that she's a total girly girl, but she's not, and the wrong cast choice would've given off that impression. Yes, Celeste is very feminine and beautiful and refined and classy, like Belle. She's also very mature like Belle. Also, she tends to be one of the more responsible people in a group of friends, similar to Hermoine (whose actress also played as Belle in the Live Action Disney version there's another connection). Basically, Belle was my dream choice as the casting choice for Celeste! Mulan as Neva: Mulan was actually my very first choice for Neva, because their stories are actually really similar. Unlike the three previous girls, Neva is not a witch, so when she arrives into the story, she's a complete noob and she's going to need some help before she becomes a badass. Mulan's been there and done that! Also, I just love Mulan as a character and really wanted to include her in my lineup. She also resembles Neva in part because Neva is one of the few girls to have sleek short hair. Also, Mulan's fun personality matches well with my happy darling Neva. Eilonwy as Peah: Peah is one of the younger characters in the story, just as Eilonwy is one of the younger female Disney heroes. Aside from that, both of them have this sort of determined and kind of commanding air to them that only brave little girls can exhibit in their particular style. Both are young, but they're not to be messed with. Also, they're both not really the sort to stand aside while the action is going on. Peah is young, yes, but she's more capable than others expect, and I feel that Eilonwy has the right vibe for that. Jasmine as Ashley: Now this is the tomboy of the group! And I'm having Jasmine play as her instead of someone like Audrey. Why? Well, Jasmine's just way more fiery in my eyes. And "fiery" is what Ashley is. In more ways than one. Also, Jasmine used to be my favourite Disney princess and I still really love her, so I wanted to give her a nice role in my cast. Strangely though, Jasmine and Ashley have very different backstories. Jasmine is a princess while as Ashley is one of the furthest people from princess status as you can get. It's ironic, but oddly, I find it weirdly works. Crysta as Thistlemoth: Now, I haven't actually seen the movie where Crysta is from, but I've seen her in Non/Disney Crossover videos quite a few times. And her design of being a fairy or pixie or whatever is so perfectly similar to Thistlemoth (who is indeed a pixie) that denying this casting choice would've been sheer madness. Of course, by that logic, I probably could've gone with Tinkerbell too, but Tinkerbell's personality is VERY different from sweet, crazy Thistlemoth. Plus, Crysta's more "wild" looks are more in line with what Thistlemoth looks like. Sarah as Bianca: Like with Crysta as Thistlemoth, I haven't seen the movie where Sarah is from. I've only seen Sarah in Non/Disney Crossover videos. In all honesty, I don't have super-good reason for this choice of casting aside from looks. Sarah does look similar to what I want Bianca to look like. Only with a snake tail instead of legs. Yup. That's right. Bianca is a naga. I have nagas in my story. Also, another reason I admit I chose Sarah is because, from the Non/Disney videos I've seen her in, some of her mannerisms are kind of in line with Bianca too. Meg as Lilith: Yes, you read that name right. I have Lilith, the actual first woman and Adam's first wife, in my story. No, she is not the character I've been wanting to write for ages. Anyway, about the casting, Meg's mannerisms and personality are really in line with my version of Lilith. Lilith even has a pretty sad backstory that's sort of similar to Meg's. I won't explain it here because that is spoiler territory. Their looks are rather different though. Lilith's more similar to Jasmine, who was actually cast as Lilith before I realized Meg was a much better fit. Cinderella as Ericaine: You've probably noticed that this is a bit of a last-minute change. At first, Ariel was in the role of Ericaine, much to my reluctance. But, honestly, her personality and looks and mannerisms are really different from Ericaine. So why had I initially considered her? Because I had previously cast Cinderella as someone else. But now, I'm using Cinderella because her looks match up very well with Ericaine, as do her actions, and I like putting her in the spotlight more than Ariel! Ericaine isn't nearly as sweet as Cindy, though. She's more...temperamental. Ariel as Eir: You've probably guessed that I'm not the biggest Ariel fan. I'm not. And I confess I fought tooth and nail to not have to include her in my cast. But, in the end, ya gotta do what you gotta do. At least now, as Eir, she's in a much more suitable role. Eir is funloving and adventurous, much like Ariel, so that lines up great for me to use Ariel as her. There's also a bit of a connection when it comes to a male character that I might explain later, or maybe not. Feel free to ask me about it though. Melody as Raven: I was originally going to have Shanti as Raven, but, seriously, Melody and her story and personality just line up SO MUCH BETTER! If I explain it here, it's going to be spoilers-a-plenty, but I'll just say that when you think about it, it's seriously perfect. Raven is different looks-wise (I'm actually thinking that she's blond instead of...well, raven-haired), but Melody's just got the right attitude and actions for her. As you might've guessed, Raven is another pretty young character. I think she's actually even younger than Peah, but I'll have to check my notes again. Jim as Lucifer: YES! This is the character I've been wanting to write for so long!!! Because the devil has been treated as little more than a scapegoat for millennia and I want to write a story where he's actually a nice, sympathetic guy. Yes, I know the show Lucifer is already doing that, but I want to do it my own way. And Jim was always my first casting choice. Because 1) I'm a huge JimxKayley shipper, 2) Jim was one of my heroes growing up, and 3) the angst-ball teenager who grows into a capable young man is exactly what I need for my version of the devil! Aladdin as Rory: This was one of the easiest cast choices ever. Not because Rory is a street urchin who ends up finding a genie, but because Rory is a sweet fluffy supposed-orphan boy who is a beam of sunshine, yet still has his serious and deep sides. Fits with Aladdin's emotional state in his movies, don't you think? Also, Aladdin looks similar to how I envision Rory. He's admittedly older than what Rory's supposed to be (Rory's supposed to be slightly younger than Tarina), but aside from that, it's a pretty great match! Like I said, Aladdin was my first choice. Milo as Chayce: Chayce is sooooo much grumpier and sassier than Milo, but he is just as awkward and smart. Yes, he's the nerd of the group and I adore him. I mean, I love all my characters, including my grumpy white-lion boy. Yes, I said white lion boy. Chayce is a sphinx, which is a species I'm particularly proud of. As a result, he is way way fluffier than Milo, physically. Milo's way fluffier personality-wise. Milo is the adorkable kind of nerd, while as Chayce is the more smartass kind of nerd. But it's still the best fit I could find for my cast. Taran as Andrew: I feel that Taran doesn't get enough attention, so I'm going to give it to him! Andrew is a character who keeps popping up in Fabler and the more he does, the more I've grown to love him. He actually used to be quite different than what he is now, and I honestly have no clue who I would've used as his non/Disney counterpart had I not changed his character. Now though, Taran's a surprisingly nice fit for my misguided baby Andrew. They both desperately want renown and both suffer from their efforts. Also, they're both young lads with floofy hair! Shang as Mato: Nothing I say will convince you that Shang playing Mato who (spoiler alert) will get with Neva who is being played by Mulan was a happy accident, will it? Because I swear it was! Shang just fits Mato's role nicely! Granted, Mato is not a captain of his group, but he is an experienced member of a fighting organization in Fabler, the warlocks if you must know (feel free to ask me about them), and he does help train Neva as well as protect people like the witches and especially Apus (woops, another spoiler). As for looks...um...I'll have to get back to you on that. Garrett as Liam: This was a surprisingly tough cast choice to make. Despite the number of "prince charming" figures in Disney to choose from, none of them are actually fitting in my opinion for the "prince charming" like character. Because Liam IS based on prince charming! From Cinderella specifically! And yet Cindy's prince Charming was NOT A GOOD FIT! It makes me laugh, it hurts so much! So, why did I go for Garrett? 1) he and his movie don't get enough attention, 2) his looks are a decent fit and 3) his serious nature and the fact that he's a legit warrior fits Liam well. Miguel as Edmund: This was another super-easy cast choice to make. Miguel's features loosely match some of Edmund's, particularly the blond hair. However, it's mostly Miguel's demeanor and mannerisms and energy that fit Edmund to a T. Edmund is just so playful and flamboyant and also a little goofy. All of which describe Miguel, I find. Miguel is also pretty flirty at times throughout his movie. So he's actually more restrained than Edmund, whom I affectionately call the slut or the thot of my cast. Because he totally is! And I love him for it! Prince Phillip as Darius Ray: I did NOT want to cast one of my favourite ever princes as this asshole. Because make no mistake, Darius Ray is an asshole, one who borders on sociopathy. Pretty much the opposite of Phillip, who is a genuinely awesome guy! So why did I make this cast choice?! Well, it was better than the first one I did, as you! Darius used to be played by Peter Pan, but I just COULD NOT follow through with that! Peter is just so precious and he's way too young to play Darius. Phillip has the age going for him, plus some of Phillip's playfulness and body type. Kenai as Apus: This is another looks-based casting choice. I haven't seen Brother Bear in a really long time, but I remember that Kenai's more rash personality is way different than calm and gentle Apus. But Kenai is a very fluffy-looking boy (and I'm not just talking about when he's a bear) and that fluffy is one of Apus's main physical traits. Fitting, since Apus is a yeti. Yes, yetis are a sentient species and they are more humanoid-looking than how they're traditionally depicted. Also, Kenai is mostly not human in his movie, which fits because Apus is a more minor character. Tulio as Mephistopheles: These two have looks that differ quite a bit, but I still wanted Tulio, from the get-go, to be Mephistopheles' Non/Disney counterpart. Because I've seen Tulio depicted as a villain in a few Non/Disney projects at this point and I want to counter that. Because I love Tulio! He's so funny! And Mephistopheles is a funny guy. Admittedly, he's still more cool-headed than Tulio, but he's a huge dork and I love him. Also, a few of Tulio's incredibly funny mannerisms fit well with Meph, particular in his interactions with Lucifer, who is, of course, his boss. Cale as Gabriel: Now isn't this an ironic choice? Cale is a cynical and rebellious character while as the angel Gabriel, in my story, is a stickler to the rules. But he is very jaded when it comes to his "little brother" Lucifer. And Cale, to me, kinda looks like he could be Jim's older brother with whom he doesn't get along. Kinda. But also, Cale has had moments in his movie where he's being more agressive and angry, and that certainly fits how Gabriel acts around Lucifer for most of the story. Also I just like Titan AE, okay? Hercules as Conor: Is it ironic that I'm having Hercules play a character who is a centaur? Because Conor is a centaur and Hercules fought a centaur in his movie? No? Not ironic? Okay. Still, I just thought it was interesting to point out. Another thing to point out is that Hercules has the perfect jock vibe to fit with Conor, who is such a golden boy it's impossible not to roll your eyes at him at least once. But he's not all ego. Conor's actually a nice guy and a good friend, much like how Hercules is a very good boy. Helga as Thelen: Have you ever been in a situation where the perfect cast choice just gift-wraps itself for you? Because that was the case with this choice! I'm just surprised that I didn't think of Helga immediately when I came up with Thelen's character! Their looks match up very well. The only remarkable difference is that Thelen is younger than Helga, or at least she seems younger. But aside from that, their features match great, their intimidating and domineering personalities are a great fit and especially the fact that both are very competent fighters! Odette as Diantha: Odette was my first cast choice for Diantha, but I almost didn't go with her for fear that I might need to use Odette for another role. But luckily, I didn't have to compromise that perfect cast choice! Okay, granted, there's still some differences between these two ladies. Odette, in her movie, has some moments where she's angry, but Diantha is much more so. She's rather strict in a motherly way, but she's also very regal and queen-like, at least it's how I always imagine her. And Odette often has that kind of regal dignity, I find. Sarah as Hiverein: This was honestly a casting choice I hadn't expected to make. Hiverein, in terms of looks, is rather different from Sarah Hawkins. While as Sarah is a normal human woman and looks it, Hiverein is the queen of the fairies, and in looks, she lives up to that. But there is nonetheless a connection in their characters. Both of these ladies are loving mothers, Sarah to Jim and Hiverein to her son Royse. Hiverein is also a queen who isn't afraid to be hands-on when it comes to taking care of her people, which reminds me of Sarah running her inn. Tiana as Greylyn: Personality-wise, Greylyn and Tiana have similarities. Both are extremely hard-working and dedicated to their goals, though these goals are very different. Tiana has personal ambitions of wanting a restaurant while as Greylyn is trying to lead and nurture her coven as well as she possibly can. Yet both women are good at putting a smile on their faces for the people watching them work. They also both deal in food a lot. Their looks are fairly similar as well, though how similar, I'm not sure yet, because I haven't finalized Greylyn's design yet. Asenath as Lillah: Even though she doesn't play a huge role in her movie, Asenath was actually one of my favourite characters as a child, so I was eager to find a place for her in my cast. And I think Lillah is a great fit. Lillah is a very calm character who tends to have a soothing presence whenever she arrives in a scene (kind of funny, given she's a ghost). Asenath, to me, was always very calming, which is partly why I liked her as a kid. Asenath was also a voice of reason in her movie and Lillah definitely acts as that in Fabler. Empress Marie as Norn: Goodness gracious has Norn's cast choice changed! I used to have her played by Tzipporah, but that would be pretty innacurate because of Norn's age. Norn is in her early 60s during the story of Fabler, while as Tzipporah is way younger, despite the fact that she looks similar to Norn. I went with empress Marie instead in hopes of that she would reflect the age a bit better, although I think Marie is older than early 60s. But there are some things Marie has going for her that still liken her to Norn: her grandmotherly kindness and regal presence. Madame Adelaide as Leira: Very similarly to Norn, Leira is in her late 50s-early 60s during Fabler, but my first cast choice for her really didn't reflect that. Her original cast choice was Cinderella, which is why it took me a while to finally cast Cinderella as Ericaine. But now I think that madame Adelaide is a better fit. Not just because of her age though. Madame is extremely caring and doting towards her cats, and Leira is similar towards another character in Fabler. Also, madame is very wealthy and Leira kind of has an equivalent to that in that she's very magically gifted. Esmeralda as Arwa: Esmeralda was my first choice for Arwa, much like Odette was for Diantha and Aladdin was for Rory. Arwa is supposed to look similar to Esmeralda, especially with her brightly-coloured eyes (though Arwa's are yellow instead of green, but you gotta admit that Esmeralda's eyes are a strikingly bright green). Arwa is also incredibly fierce like Esmeralda, and just like Esmeralda seems to be a kind of leader of the gypsies, Arwa is a leader of her pack of werewolves. Both are defiant and utterly badass ladies and, in short, this was a perfect cast match. Anya as the Fabler: Oh goodie, goodie, goodie, the titular fabler cometh at last! But I'm not going to tell you a lot about her! She's an incredibly mysterious and unknown character, which is strangely fitting because Anya's movie is inspired by the mystery of the princess Anastasia. But even putting that aside, Anya is a great cast choice for the Fabler. Their looks line up very well (if not their outfits), their mannerisms and expressions too, and the way the Fabler presents herself to the characters is very fun and sparky in a way very similar to Anya. Juliana as Hera: I know you're thinking. You're thinking "ANOTHER Quest for Camelot character, Carlotta, really?!" YES! Really! I love this movie, okay?! And Juliana does fit reasonably well with how I'm interpreting Hera in Fabler. Juliana is the wife of a knight, and so she seems like a bit of a noblewoman and she carries herself well in that regard. Heck, this woman showed no fear from the movie's villain, Rubert, until he started threatening her daughter. Hera is similar in that she is a total boss! But she's not as helpful to the protagonists as Juliana was in her story. Marina as Jeyne: You wanna know something really ironic? Even though I am including Kayley's canonical mom in the cast, Marina is the one playing Tarina's character's mother. Yes, Jeyne is Tarina's mom and I have Marina in her role. I don't have much reason for this casting choice, except that it's one I've had pretty much from the start of the making of this cast. Also, the fact I'm using such an awesome character as Marina makes me sad that Jeyne doesn't have a bigger role in the main story of Fabler. Because while, yes, she does appear, she doesn't do a whole lot. Eris as Merlina: Eris is not going to be happy that I'm using her, a goddess, to play the role of a mere ghost, isn't she? Too bad! There was no way I wasn't going to include Eris, since she's one of my favourite parts of the movie she's from. She does have quite a few differences from Merlina though. Merlina was once human and her story is way more tragic than Eris's. She is a villain, but she's one of those villains who thinks she's in the right. Not the same as Eris, who knows she's evil and has fun with it. But both ladies are also very manipulative and destructive. John Smith as Royse: I love my character Royse but he was SO DANG DIFFICULT TO CAST! And even now, believe me, it's not a perfect fit. For the longest time, I thought that his Non/Disney counterpart would be Garrett, because of his long hair, serious nature, connection to nature, combative skills and the fact he has a staff for a weapon. Buuuutttt that'd be awkward for me, since Garrett is Kayley's canon love interest, he'd be playing as her father figure. So I went with John Smith because he seems older than Garrett. Even though his personality is very different. John Rolfe as Gawyn: Unlike Royse, Gawyn's cast choice was pretty easy peasy. John Rolfe has some of the looks I'm going for with it comes to Gawyn (even though Gawyn's hair is way curlier) and the same air of dignity. But Gawyn is much more...shall we say, quirky than Gawyn. And he's unashamed of it. So I guess you can say that there's still dignity in that and I agree. But yeah, John Rolfe is more serious than Gawyn and his looks aren't nearly as fantastical. But he was nonetheless the first to come to mind as a Non/Disney counterpart when I came up with Gawyn. Eric as Favian: Like Royse, Favian's cast choice has frequently changed. Partly because every time I changed Royse's cast choice, I wanted his hubby to have a cast choice that I could pair him up with. But now I'm happy I stuck with Eric. Personality, he's rather light-hearted, which is fitting with Favian's demeanor. There's still several changes, of course, like with his looks. Now, I haven't fully decided on Favian's look, but I know that while his dark hair matches Eric, he's certainly not as light-complected as the prince. Kale as Valerik: Derek was at first the one I was going to choose for Valerik. But then I remember Kale and I was like "Carlotta, you crazy! Kale is a WAY better fit!" First, there's looks. Like many of my characters (for now), I don't have a full design for Valerik yet, but it ressembles Kale's the more and more I think about it. Second, Kale seems like a good, calm leader, which Valerik is. Third, Kale seems like he'd be great with kids, and Valerik is a proud papa of a bunch of wee nippers. Not to say Derek doesn't have some of these qualities, but Kale just has more. Dimitri as Robin: Once again, a cast member that I was surprised I didn't think of sooner. I mean, Robin is something of a con man, but has some depths to him that take a while for the other characters to unlock. That's Dimitri in a nutshell, right?! Plus, Dimitri's often whacky expressions or mannerisms suit Robin well. As does Dimitri's slight tendency to be the glutton for punishment in the movie he's from. Moses as Tyrone: Tyrone doesn't look entirely like Moses, but I nonetheless feel that they have a few similarities in appearance. Tyrone is at least a bit paler, being a vampire (one of the few good ones in the Fabler universe, which is why I'm okay having a sweetheart like Moses play him), and the outfit will very much different, of course, but still, the looks are a good base for what I'm hoping for him to look like. Temperament-wise, though, I'll admit Moses isn't my best choice, as Tyrone isn't exactly all that sane when we first meet him in the story. He gets better though. Phoebus as Odin: I'll admit it. Phoebus is quite a bit younger than how Odin is supposed to be portrayed. But, in my defense, Odin is also an immortal god with divine power, so it's not out of the question that he could look rather good for his age. But also, both males are, of course, warriors. Yes, Odin may be more of a trickster and wiseman god, but he's not shy from a fight either. In Fabler, in fact, he does quite a bit of it. Also, Phoebus is capable of being serious, but also really friendly and joking, which is so perfect for how I want my boy Odin! Proteus as Hades: Yes, yes, yes, I know. I know that Disney already gave us Hades. And I do love Disney's Hades. However, I love more-early-source-accurate, good-boy, very-much-not-a-villain-you-fools Hades even more! So, why'd I choose Proteus for this version of Hades? His looks aren't tooooo far from the mark (certainly the long lovely ponytail isn't far), he's got a very good personality to go at least somewhat with Hades and many of his mannerisms fit well. All in all, 10/10 choice for me. Arthur as Baldur: LAST TIME I SWEAR! This is the last time I'm using a Quest for Camelot character, I promise! But yeah, here's the thing: I have NEVER! Not once! Ever seen Arthur used in a Non/Disney project! He wasn't used ONCE, to my knowledge! And, I mean, I can understand why. He really doesn't appear much in the movie. BUT! I'm not letting that stop me here! Arthur here actually does really fit with how I'm interpreting Baldur, AKA God (yes, as in Lucifer's dad), not just in looks, but in mannerisms as well. I'm happy I'm using this underused character! Sinbad as Syrus: You know something kind of ironic? Sinbad is normally portrayed, in Non/Disney, as Jim's father, or sometimes older brother (lookin at you TB). But I have seen him used as Kayley's father too and, honestly, I really like that as well. He's got the looks for it and the adventurous spirit. Which brings me to Syrus. His hair colour is admittedly a bit redder than Sinbad's (gotta explain where Tarina got her red hair from) and his eyes are different, but the rest fits neatly into how I envision Tarina's father. And again, I'm now sad he doesn't do more in the story. Dymus as Nightinion: Nightinion, much like Syrus, is another father who's one of the less important named characters. Specifically, he is Ericaine's father. But, nonetheless, I felt he was important enough to include in my cast. And why did I go with Dymas? Well, first off, he's a king. But there are, admittedly, quite a few Non/Disney kings. So why Dymas in particular? Well, something about him makes me feel like he has more strength and command than most Non/Disney kings, yet is still diplomatic and courteous. All of which are what I see in Nightinion. Dean as Natsbane: I love Dean. Really, I do. So I'm really sad for putting him in the role of this jerk. Because, while Natsbane isn't totally evil, he is not a nice guy. But something about Dean's general grumpy and unfriendly exterior and his love of his artwork remind me quite a bit of Natsbane. Though, if a full Non/Disney version of Fabler were to be made, Natsbane wouldn't be quite as...kinda-mad-scientist-wacko that he is in my envisioning. Then again, perhaps that's a good thing. It'd be interesting to see a mad scientist who's not mad as in insane, but mad as in angry. DISCLAIMERS: Fabler (c) me I OWN NONE OF THE SCREENSHOTS I USED TO MAKE THIS POST