#there’s a unique helplessness in that
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pls i agree with the previous anon. like i need to see how your mind works. LIKE THE AMOUNT OF LORE YOU PUT INTO THIS STORY? no wonder you was struggling to write this chapter. no wonder you had to split it. YOURE PUTTING EVERYTHING INTO IT. i adore you.
i just love how you do megumi justice. like from what we hear from others (oh my god he was such a menace. jumping out of vehicles? biting people? willing to summon his ace just to spite everyone? trying to electrocute his uncle?) he has so much fire in him. he’s such a little shit. i love him. i’m so tired of everyone portraying him as some emotionless bland character. the dudebros don’t know him the way i do 🙁.
i’m honestly just itching to see yuuta spill the beans on his attachment to megumi like…would gojo actually be willing to kick that kid ass. IF ANYTHING gojo should consider this a win. the son he birthed from his gojoussy (i was there. i was the one cutting the cord ofc shh) has a loyal protector.
but in all honesty i have so many theories. like about mai, she might pop out to get the books & shit for her nephew? who knowsss.
the answer to how my mind works is “not well.” imagine a waiting room where the staff are only in attendance for 30 minutes per day (it’s never the same 30 minutes) and there is a hamster inexplicably lose. there are fish tanks but they are empty ones. you do not know what the business is or why you are waiting. dont stop me now by queen is playing on endless loop
#you cannot convince me that baby Megumi was not completely feral#that’s a kid who bit people I’ll die on that hill#there is something about Mahoraga that convinces me that it’s just the ultimate act of reclaiming control for Megumi#fundamentally Megumi does not have control over his own life#from a very young age he was locked into a profession that /would/ kill him one day#and again and again he displays this almost suicidal decision to summon something /guaranteed/ to kill him whenever he thinks hes going down#megumi never got to decide his life but by god he has decided upon his death#I think a part of him has always felt doomed from the beginning and got a bit of solace in knowing he’d die on his terms#he would die but he would not die having been beaten#like I think you just CANNOT underestimate the twisted relief that can be gotten from controlling the way you die after you’ve spent your#entire life under the shadow of your own death sentence#of course this means that the Zenin took even that comfort from him#megumi thought he was going to die and it was going to be in a way that robbed him of the only control he ever had#there’s a unique helplessness in that#I think the fact that he couldn’t even die on his terms hurt him more deeply than almost anything the Zenin did to him#he spent his entire life knowing he had an ace that couldn’t be taken from him and they still managed it#the Zenin made him feel weak as a child when they were abusing him#they made him feel weak when they spent that week hurting him#and they took away the only thing that ever made him feel truly strong#he wanted to hurt them back and it was a tremendous loss to not even have that#sea glass gardens
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Was thinking about an 'alternate universe' where a young Sasuke, in the absence of guidance on how to carry out his clan traditions, tries to connect to his fractured identity by spending time in the Naka Shrine and accidentally summons the ghost/spirit of Izuna who hears his cries of injustice and grief from the other side.
Truthfully, I don't know why it would be Izuna in particular, but I'm kind of playing around with the idea that his death was viewed as so unjustifiable and horrific by Madara that Madara's devastation over it prevented Izuna's spirit from properly/completely passing over into the Pure Lands. So, Izuna's spirit remains in this unaware-but-restless state and one day it materializes to answer the call of another Uchiha (who also just so happens to be an Indra transmigrant, like Madara, if we want to go there... maybe their emotions carry extra weight and power within the spiritual world) now trying to process his own unimaginable grief, this time over the death of his entire family, bloodline, and culture. Thus they become bound to one another (for better or worse) and Izuna is, from then on, always there, carried by (and only visible to) Sasuke on his journey...
Maybe they both come to believe that if they get justice for the clan (which they initially believe is by killing Itachi, 'the kinslayer') then Izuna will finally be freed and Sasuke will have done right by his family and avenged them. But really, I think what would actually be keeping Izuna 'stuck' is the plan that evolved (at least partially) from Madara's grief over his death, Project Tsukuyomi... thus their quest expands and the two then need to figure out how to alleviate Madara's guilt/sense of loss over Izuna's death and rekindle his feelings of hope in the world once more (ie. stopping the plan). Somehow, lol.
And I think Izuna would be a fun character to do with this with because there's so little we truly know about him, but so much we can infer due to his impact on other characters' actions/story events.
Idk, in my opinion there's just a lot of opportunity here for a good mix of heart and comedy, especially with Izuna as a more defined character that has a little more freedom than other characters to be molded. I also think having someone Sasuke can connect to, that's from his clan (but is also still deceased and a reminder of how alone he is, ie. end of the day Izuna is still a ghost, an ancestral relic of the now-dying clan) would have a profound effect on him.
It'd almost be like his own inner Kurama voice except Izuna provides no chakra or power amps, only scathing commentary on how much he hates the injustices of the village (and its Senju leadership) lol. Also, I like to think his reactions to all the in-universe stories about 'Madara's deeds' (which is really Obito) would be entertaining.
A sketchy comic since I like the idea so much haha:
#izuna uchiha#sasuke uchiha#uchiha clan#naruto#naruto au#naruto fanart#Spoiler about me... stories about grief and the acts involved with processing grief mean a lot to me.#I think it's profoundly human and the way each of us interacts with the emotions it carries/inspires is incredibly unique#annnnd Sasuke interacting with ghosts just feels right and is something that should happen more.#But like fr how would Izuna react to Madara stabbing Sasuke during the war arc? Unable to talk to his brother and seeing him kill this -#- distant relative that he's really bonded with over the past few years...#Wanting so badly to intervene but being helpless to do anything. Also Tobirama is nearby in that scene lol. Would be quite interesting.#Izuna is 100% a yapper. He has that vibe.#Like Sasuke orders him away during the Sasuke-Itachi fight because Izuna is just tallying up/ranting about all of Itachi's lies about him -#- and Madara/the nature of the clan.#i should start writing these down lol#not serious#Haven't drawn in a while I miss making dumb comics.#hoping there are no spelling mistakes - oh well.
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nations locking eyes with their countries' child monarchs knowing that they are both puppets of the people who really rule
#child monarchs are uniquely tragic to me#i think they share a lot of similarities with the way i hc the nations are treated by their rulers a lot of the time#for this reason: england having had a special fondness for george iii#for the same reason#a prisoner of his circumstances#venerated and respected and even feared as the emblem of something much greater than him#but functionally impotent. helpless. subject to the whims of others.#hetalia headcanons#hetalia
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This family dinner is gonna fucking suck
#'ox-eyed' is a term I stole from Homer (along with 'dog faced')#In this cultural context the term is used to compliment brown eyes. Not just applied to brown eyes in general but to describe#someone's as uniquely pretty (usually with the implication of a soft or calm gaze). Applied more frequently to women than men.#I've gone over Ganmachen before but that one refers to the ox birth sign and is a mostly complimentary epithet for people who#have the associated traits. It literally means 'ox faced' but the mache/machen word for face doesn't refer to the anatomical face#rather some perceived essential/fundamental aspect of one's nature being their 'face'#There's a ton of other '-faced' epithets both in regards to birth signs and not#and adding the -machen suffix to a description of a person emphasizes the quality being described#Like calling someone 'brave-faced' would be a bigger compliment than just 'brave'- describes this bravery as fundamental to their being#(I don't write this kind out in-text though because the concept of 'faced as descriptive emphasis' doesn't work in english)#(I'd just say like 'very brave' or etc)#'braileig' is the term for a horse foal in the western Highlands dialect. This started as Brakul insulting Janeys with the descriptor#'little lost foal in a blizzard' (which more biting than it sounds- describes someone as pitifully helpless). Janeys was paying#more attention than he thought and had picked up enough to recognize that he was being called a horse baby. Brakul eventually#started using just 'braileig' as a nickname
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Do you guys think that when Dark was dying, he knew it, and became so overwhelmed by the visceral fear of his inevitable incoming death that he started desperately pleading to Alan to somehow come save him?
A forsaken creation, dying and agonized, desperately reaching out to his creator in a last ditch attempt at salvation.
A child, begging for it's parent's help, because they're scared and they don't want to die.
#I firmly believe that the fear of death can bring anyone to their knees in the right situation#To know that you are going to die is a potently terrifying thing#To be helpless to stop it to know that there's nothing that CAN stop it#is a unique sort of mental anguish that can reduce even the most powerful of people to tears and begging#Death equalizes all as it's wrapping it's jaws around our necks#There is no room for shame or dignity in such a moment#Just your raw overwhelming terror and anguish and desperation#I believe that if the blast did not kill him instantly#he languished in agony knowing that he was dying#and cried for his creator#because it was the only thing he could do#the only hope he would've had#until even that was swept away into the agonizing realization that nothing was going to save him#and he died perhaps wishing that it all hadn't gone so wrong.#animation vs animator#animator vs animation#alan becker#ava the dark lord#Guess who has a new hyperfixation whoops its me#Have some angst new fandom I've joined
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sorry to keep talking about squid game but gihun getting through the first game because of sangwoo and ali, the second game by his own merit (because he is a sweaty sweaty man), the third game by forcing his team to listen to each other, the fourth game because ilnam didnt want to let him die, the fifth game because he lucked into someone else taking a metaphorical bullet for him (and saebyeok reminded him which side to step) and the sixth game because he was fighting, but he only won because sangwoo made him win .... the show does an incredible job of showing us that this isnt the usual way that someone wins, that deoksu or however u spell his name got far successfully by bullying his way through, and then in season two showing that when they work together, barely anyone dies, and those who think like deoksu (thanos) still succeed. its just so interesting to me cause like 1. id be obsessed with the guy who got through my murder games by being so wet and pathetic that everyone he meets wants him to succeed anyway and 2. other winners would have gone through the same thing to a lesser extent, even inho knows what hes feeling but believes its worth it for the greater good, and 3. everyone is equal in these games, but he has preferential treatment from the literal host who just happens to be in the games, would someone like inho think that he succeeded by exploiting every path available to him, including manipulating other people, or think that he was "unfair" in the way he won?
#the balance of agency and helplessness where he does do it. its his skill and his unique personality that gets them through tug of war#and the dalgona game was all him#but from his perspective he still only got there because of other people who he owes and cant pay back#the thing that got him there (being unable to pay debts) is the exact reason that he cant let to.#the characterisation is just so incredible i want to eat this show like a giant cake.#squid game#squid game 2#i want to know about previous games and previous winners not bc i want to see the games i just want to psychoanalyse the winners
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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man. i just had the single most emotionally scarring dream ever. and this is coming from someone who only ever has nightmares and awful stress dreams. what the fuck
#artistically speaking? unique. and a masterpiece.#fragmentary storytelling. vignettes letting you discover this tight-knit community from different points of view#with a constant evolution through some kind of metanarrative element (video game of some sort that evolved with time)#you meet and learn about all these people and how they love each other#NOT first person pov like usual too. possibly the first time it happens. i was passive and helpless#and then. one of the most beloved people. just. goes out at night. you see her through the eyes of a neighbor#and have the worst sense of impending doom#and next thing you know she's been found dead. killed herself by slashing her own throat open.#didnt see the corpse nor the death itself it#was a series of newspaper articles and each family and community member's conversations#what the fuck man. ive never been so haunted by a dream before
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white supremacy and misogyny work hand-in-hand to keep patriarchal power systems in place, if you fail to acknowledge this you’re not a radical feminist
#radblr#white men at the top of the global hierarchy benefit from putting white women on a pedestal#as property and objects that must be protected from ‘savage’ men#white men don’t see white women as equals let alone human beings#white supremacy leans on the notion that women are fragile virginal infantile beings that need to be led by men#white supremacy claims black/brown women are in need of saving from ‘savage’ black/brown men#positions black/brown women as helpless and in need of a white savior#white supremacy believes black/brown women are incapable of creating their own women’s rights movements#because white supremacy views equal rights for women as a uniquely white action that only white women can take#which white supremacists see as a threat so they convince white women that white men are protectors#eliminating global female clas consciousness#meg posts
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You won’t understand LoK until you can learn to appreciate an aesthetic of disappointment
#lok#this sounds like a read#but it’s actually the whole point of that sequel series#I was thinking about it in comparison to Steven universe’s epilogue series#how they both deal with ptsd and the failures of idols#but SU works really hard to build understanding and a happy ending#and LoK just keeps knocking any satisfaction out at the knees#and the tone is just so shallow…#with how korra and her mentors all struggle to grasp any of the spiritual concepts they’re supposed to be the keepers of…#and everyone just keeps switching jobs and really lacking any roots#and no one’s really that likable and/or redeemable#I don’t even think they entirely meant to do it#but it creates this overall sense of helpless depression#that’s a really unique viewing experience#it’s the very opposite of the hope that’s at the center of the og series#and I’m just not mad about it the way some fans are
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i need my brain rewritten bro
#i cannot keep existing in the way i do now#i mean i could but its awful. Not the worst version of me but still bad#i need a different personality i need a different way of thinking i need to stop being mentally ill#but there is literally nothing i can do about the way i am and i feel so helpless#i want to talk to people i want the motivation to reach out and take what i want and need#but my anxiety doesnt budge. my chronic fatigue doesnt budge. i just cant. and im so sick of being told i can#if i were to just try harder and put my mind to it#what i need is like. Someone else to permanently take over my brain for me#i cant fucking live the way i am#i need to be someone different#EVEN COMPARE TO EVERYONE ELSE. I AM A UNIQUE CASE OF AWFUL#no one else is fucking struggling to interact! or do like most things in their life!#i genuinely cant come close to living a normal or good life as i am now#i can even look the *direction* of other people. i go full silent on group calls.#i go full silent in text chats of people i dont know well and it prevents me from connecting entirely#i freeze up i get scared i retreat into my shell or give up cause who cares its not their job to coddle me#i literally. i should not exist#im not human and not even in a fun or quirky way. i am just fundamentally incompatible with like . life itself.#whats the point man. this isnt a life
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since you've been playing elden ring, do you have a favorite npc so far?
Haha, my pace at discovering more of Elden Ring is SNAIL slow. And I don't mean moderately fast snail-like mobs in ER, I mean real life snails. xD So, my knowledge is still lacking. But with what I DO know, I think I can pick a favourite already!
This might come off as a surprise, but this...
...is...
...SELLEN!
Honestly, so far I liked her the most! She gives me very strong Imposter Iosefka vibe (in the scenario if after having made enough Emissaries, the Imposter also joined with them to be several small ascended people hiding in a trench coat pretending to be one BIG ascended person…). Whereas she is still, of course, a unique and interesting character on her own! It is just this kind of a female character after knowledge beyond human plane that reminds me.
I am particularly fond of the madman/woman/person characters who want to know the eldrich truths of the universe, no matter how horrifying they are and no matter what taboos they have to break, and what they have to give in exchange. I also can respect the type of 'scientist that is not above trying their own medicine' because, again, she becomes The Orb herself xd Her sassy and blunt attitude is also very appealing for me, she is a confident character with a very certain motivation! I do also enjoy how no matter what scroll she is given, her reaction is that she is familiar with this sorcery, so she is already very educated!
I've posted my analysis how in Bloodborne, Willem and 'original' Choir (from which only Yurie remains) prioritise ascending humanity and leveling with the gods as people, whereas the Choir as it is later tries to TRANSCEND humanity, and will break any taboos, just like Mensis too. In there, I actually sympathise with Willem's side and see Choir as reckless and desperate fools. But in Elden Ring, for some reason, I actually sympathise with the ideas of Sellen (and her teachers, Azur and Lusat) more instead, whereas seeing how Caria family goes about the glintstone teachings as kinda weak. Not REAL researchers. It is very funny and I can't even explain why I am so inconsistent all of a sudden; doesn't help that Rennala herself gives strong Willem and Yurie vibe! Truly, the magic of narration can make EITHER side feel more sympathetic than the other o_o"
Also, I've learned that initially her Witch's Glintsone Crown was named Grana Glintstone Crown, but it was patched out!
I feel like developers initially did want to make Sellen as important as someone who had her own school and the crown made in her likeness was a common wear too, but it never picked up because… well, her line of studies contradicted with Caria's family agenda and restrictions too much? It is one thing to just explore rocks from space, but completely different one to try and BECOME one! But I decided to go with 'they retconned the idea' rather than with 'they obscured the idea'. I mean, how exactly people would follow this "school"? They'd just become rocks lol. It is not really studying the object when you become the object.
I also honest to god cannot recall this particular shade of green glintstone anywhere else - not in an environment, nowhere on Graven Scholars, and there are no spells or staff associated with this color. So I feel like it is artificial and created BY her; would go with theme of her experimenting with turning people into seeds of a star. Heck, maybe this glintstone also had an… organic origin, too. So it cannot be turned into a weapon (unlike staffs of Azur and Lusat that ARE made from existing cosmic material), but only serve as cathalyst for intellect and sorcery of THE caster.
Also I just gotta say, I really appreciate how in these spheres everyone is always having the both horrified and awe-full expression, but she looks really blissful and calm x) She actually gave a realistic, adequate estimate towards how much she wanted to become one with the cosmos xD Lore says that even Azur and Lusat were devastated when they witnessed it, so she is arguably MORE of a madwoman than those two. Love this about her so much.
Honorable mention: so far, Nepheli is my second favorite. Her design definitely beats everyone else's amongst NPCs yet, but also she is just really appealing character. Badass warrior with two axes with great honor and will to go on no matter what, who is also very sensitive and compassionate at heart, is in touch with her vulnerable side, grieving the fallen, strong but not invincible… It is a very good example of how TO write a strong and badass female character; the power is not to be a solid brick that never cries but to be able to connect with one's insecurities and still get back up. Her being heartbroken when her father figure turned on her was very moving, for some reason this way she feels stronger than if she just got up and kicked Gideon's ass and hated him forevermore after that. I just live for this balance of both big muscles but ALSO a big heart.
#elden ring#sorceress sellen#elden ring headcanons#(sort of? it isn't really much it is just me rambling)#(can't wait to discover a minor detail in lore that will flip everything upside down as usual lol)#going in blind with elden ring is a very rewarding experience trust me#but at the same time i feel SO helpless compared to how well-versed I am in BB!#emotions when you find and NPC dead or find a plot twist are so worth it tho xd#for the record: yes i do like seluvis and i can write an essay on this too#but from cold and rational standpoint not he is my favorite#i just appreciate him#i really love it though how in ER there is a line between magic (incantations) and science (glintstone sorcery)#how former scales with faith and latter with intellect#i needed it a lot#granted BB also has cursed pthumerian-esque magic vs COSMOS OF COURSE and eyes#but it is a bit more blurry#by the way if there IS this exact shade of green somewhere else in the game BUT her crown please show me!#i just haven't seen it nor an item!#unless i am right and it IS unique. oh boy....
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V.II Snail unable to bear the sight of his naked bare flesh. Flesh, untampered, unimproved; inherently weak, inherently flawed. To exist without silicon and steel is to not exist at all.
His augments, the pinnacle of corporate technology, fills every cavity. The source of his ability, his pride, his power.
He is Arquebus.
#i bestow him the honor of giving him my flesh dysphoria#thats it. youre going to the electrosphere#armcore posting#his worst nightmare isnt getting fired#when he pulls himself together he can become another corporation#its actually being unaugmented. a helpless baby chick#it's what makes him unique most. his planning his scheming can take him far#but his combat ability worh his augments makes him stand out the way he likes it#sighs dreamily
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The simple answer is that they get help! Usually from other wheelers but occasionally from outsiders too.
I hc that the wheelers we see in the movie/book are specifically the 'Royal' Wheelers. Since they are owned by the royal family live on Royal property it's the Royal Family's duty to make sure they look nice, providing them with nice clothes and instructing the staff to help them when approached. (Note: that staff is not permitted to approach the wheelers. Wheelers who want help will approach alone. They are very nervous and territorial so ignoring this rule may result in injury.)
Im sure nobody cares about them other than me but Wheeler hcs ♥
#I forgor to reply sooner sorry. I am bad at answering things in a timely manor#wizard of oz#return to oz#headcanon#oz#oz books#oz wheelers#Ive been thinking about them too much they literally show up once and never again but I am obsessed with them#Specifically thinking about a scenario where the mc has a Wheeler companion who wants to get back to their pack#and kinda resents humans for treating them as lesser. but having grown up so dependent on humans and having all of these little habits#Like randomly going up to people with expectants eyes because a button came lose and forgetting they need to explain what they want#because they've had the body language trained into them like a dog.#Another thought I had was being sad that Wheelers only live in Ev. To which I reply They Only Naturally Live In Ev !#This is my justification to why I could shove them into places that they definitely shouldnt be#basically they get traded around like exotic pets. I mean they are so unique arent they? And they love being dressed up#And I mean when you really think about it they're soooo helpless really this is good for them they neeeeed to be taken care of blah blah#forcefully separating them from their families to be treated like dress up dolls for royalty that doesnt see them as people is good for the#dont think about it too hard :)
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Healing The Shame That Binds You: Dysfunctional Family Rules
#perfectly summarizes my family and the family of my best friend growing up#in the dysfunctional family these rules will create children who assume identifies of being more than human (perfectionism)#or less than human (learned helplessness and underachieving) to cope#both of which are two sides of the same coin and lead to codependency and addiction in adulthood#this is honestly such a fascinating read#most human dysfunction is rooted in shame based family systems#all of them carrying forward shame from their family's secrets surrounding religious abuse incest addiction etc etc#then shamed based adult children (an adult who never got their childhood needs met) marry each other#and the cycle regenerates and is never broken#it's so easily to think of ourselves as uniquely broken that's never the case#you were just not cared for as a child and made to feel that was your fault#because your parents' prevents them from ever acknowledging that#and unacknowledged pain doesn't heal the way it should#healing the shame that binds you#shame#i feel like I have the gift this book to everyone I know and especially new or expecting parents but that would be weird lol
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sometimes i think about Quaritch feeling bad for finding happiness in small moments and i react normally to it inside of me
#horse.txt#this is a lie i start shaking and tearing up#something about that culturally Christian impulse to deprive yourself of joy and pleasure until you 'deserve it'#which coincidentally So often tends to happen at a time known as 'Never'#whenever i think i dont deserve to be happy i think about Him instead and it does things to my head. like woaw...#punitive measures after wrongdoings can creative a very unique type of misery#wherein the question of 'do i deserve to hurt like this' is Already Answered by everyone around you; and it is a resounding Yes#the helplessness the regret the ticking clock. waiting for something to give at all -- and when it doesnt#you instead find happiness crawling in through the dogflap in the back door of your mind. and you have to figure out how to get rid of it#because if someone sees it. they will take it away#bad people dont get to smile. bad people dont get to laugh. a bad persons joy is always - somehow - a mockery of a good person's misery#when youre bad. being 'good' becomes something different. it becomes about shrinking away and disappearing#it becomes a very genuine question of 'would the world be better off without me?' because thats precisely what the good masses say they want#vent //#sort of? im fine i just started thinking about sad scenes im gonna write for spe'etu n got in my feels#anyway. thinks about that old man groveling
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