#there’s a unique helplessness in that
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pls i agree with the previous anon. like i need to see how your mind works. LIKE THE AMOUNT OF LORE YOU PUT INTO THIS STORY? no wonder you was struggling to write this chapter. no wonder you had to split it. YOURE PUTTING EVERYTHING INTO IT. i adore you.
i just love how you do megumi justice. like from what we hear from others (oh my god he was such a menace. jumping out of vehicles? biting people? willing to summon his ace just to spite everyone? trying to electrocute his uncle?) he has so much fire in him. he’s such a little shit. i love him. i’m so tired of everyone portraying him as some emotionless bland character. the dudebros don’t know him the way i do 🙁.
i’m honestly just itching to see yuuta spill the beans on his attachment to megumi like…would gojo actually be willing to kick that kid ass. IF ANYTHING gojo should consider this a win. the son he birthed from his gojoussy (i was there. i was the one cutting the cord ofc shh) has a loyal protector.
but in all honesty i have so many theories. like about mai, she might pop out to get the books & shit for her nephew? who knowsss.
the answer to how my mind works is “not well.” imagine a waiting room where the staff are only in attendance for 30 minutes per day (it’s never the same 30 minutes) and there is a hamster inexplicably lose. there are fish tanks but they are empty ones. you do not know what the business is or why you are waiting. dont stop me now by queen is playing on endless loop
#you cannot convince me that baby Megumi was not completely feral#that’s a kid who bit people I’ll die on that hill#there is something about Mahoraga that convinces me that it’s just the ultimate act of reclaiming control for Megumi#fundamentally Megumi does not have control over his own life#from a very young age he was locked into a profession that /would/ kill him one day#and again and again he displays this almost suicidal decision to summon something /guaranteed/ to kill him whenever he thinks hes going down#megumi never got to decide his life but by god he has decided upon his death#I think a part of him has always felt doomed from the beginning and got a bit of solace in knowing he’d die on his terms#he would die but he would not die having been beaten#like I think you just CANNOT underestimate the twisted relief that can be gotten from controlling the way you die after you’ve spent your#entire life under the shadow of your own death sentence#of course this means that the Zenin took even that comfort from him#megumi thought he was going to die and it was going to be in a way that robbed him of the only control he ever had#there’s a unique helplessness in that#I think the fact that he couldn’t even die on his terms hurt him more deeply than almost anything the Zenin did to him#he spent his entire life knowing he had an ace that couldn’t be taken from him and they still managed it#the Zenin made him feel weak as a child when they were abusing him#they made him feel weak when they spent that week hurting him#and they took away the only thing that ever made him feel truly strong#he wanted to hurt them back and it was a tremendous loss to not even have that#sea glass gardens
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nations locking eyes with their countries' child monarchs knowing that they are both puppets of the people who really rule
#child monarchs are uniquely tragic to me#i think they share a lot of similarities with the way i hc the nations are treated by their rulers a lot of the time#for this reason: england having had a special fondness for george iii#for the same reason#a prisoner of his circumstances#venerated and respected and even feared as the emblem of something much greater than him#but functionally impotent. helpless. subject to the whims of others.#hetalia headcanons#hetalia
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This family dinner is gonna fucking suck
#'ox-eyed' is a term I stole from Homer (along with 'dog faced')#In this cultural context the term is used to compliment brown eyes. Not just applied to brown eyes in general but to describe#someone's as uniquely pretty (usually with the implication of a soft or calm gaze). Applied more frequently to women than men.#I've gone over Ganmachen before but that one refers to the ox birth sign and is a mostly complimentary epithet for people who#have the associated traits. It literally means 'ox faced' but the mache/machen word for face doesn't refer to the anatomical face#rather some perceived essential/fundamental aspect of one's nature being their 'face'#There's a ton of other '-faced' epithets both in regards to birth signs and not#and adding the -machen suffix to a description of a person emphasizes the quality being described#Like calling someone 'brave-faced' would be a bigger compliment than just 'brave'- describes this bravery as fundamental to their being#(I don't write this kind out in-text though because the concept of 'faced as descriptive emphasis' doesn't work in english)#(I'd just say like 'very brave' or etc)#'braileig' is the term for a horse foal in the western Highlands dialect. This started as Brakul insulting Janeys with the descriptor#'little lost foal in a blizzard' (which more biting than it sounds- describes someone as pitifully helpless). Janeys was paying#more attention than he thought and had picked up enough to recognize that he was being called a horse baby. Brakul eventually#started using just 'braileig' as a nickname
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Do you guys think that when Dark was dying, he knew it, and became so overwhelmed by the visceral fear of his inevitable incoming death that he started desperately pleading to Alan to somehow come save him?
A forsaken creation, dying and agonized, desperately reaching out to his creator in a last ditch attempt at salvation.
A child, begging for it's parent's help, because they're scared and they don't want to die.
#I firmly believe that the fear of death can bring anyone to their knees in the right situation#To know that you are going to die is a potently terrifying thing#To be helpless to stop it to know that there's nothing that CAN stop it#is a unique sort of mental anguish that can reduce even the most powerful of people to tears and begging#Death equalizes all as it's wrapping it's jaws around our necks#There is no room for shame or dignity in such a moment#Just your raw overwhelming terror and anguish and desperation#I believe that if the blast did not kill him instantly#he languished in agony knowing that he was dying#and cried for his creator#because it was the only thing he could do#the only hope he would've had#until even that was swept away into the agonizing realization that nothing was going to save him#and he died perhaps wishing that it all hadn't gone so wrong.#animation vs animator#animator vs animation#alan becker#ava the dark lord#Guess who has a new hyperfixation whoops its me#Have some angst new fandom I've joined
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the barry the chopper episode of fma 03 is such a wild addition to the lineup it really has it all. it has mini murder mystery. it has gave me nightmares as a child. it has the complete shattering of a twelve year old’s brain that fundamentally alters the course of his development. it has rampant transphobia. it even has hughes
#fma#fma 03#they really didn’t have to do the serial killer dresses as a woman thing they really didn’t..#but yeah i feel like they could have conveyed ed’s refusal to rely on anyone but al through avenues already provided by the source material#in fact imo the opening of that episode (mustang screams at ed to get over nina’s death lol) could have sufficiently accomplished that#but instead they dedicate the entire episode to reiterating this moment in his arc in a crueler and more exploitative way#none of this is to say i dislike the episode#i think it’s unique as an entry in a “shounen” show that shows our protagonist not just out of his depth#but being forced to experience this animal terror and depicting it viscerally.#it’s so important in how it… sort of primes you to sympathize w ed’s irresolution#shounen audiences are used to seeing protags who are brave have strong convictions etc... that it’s jarring to follow this kid#who is constantly making then going back on his claims about the world bc he doesn't know anything. He Is Fifteen#but here we're taking his age and beating you over the head with it#by telling a horror story fundamentally built on the premise of childhood helplessness.#that seems to be in part where the necessity of this episode lies#okay that's enough of that#frogs.txt
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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Summary:
Warriors, Wind, and Legend are captured by some guys who want to take revenge on Warriors for the war.
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Day #1 of Febuwhump 2024: Helpless
#unique writes#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu warriors#lu wind#lu legend#lu hyrule#lu sky#lu time#lu four#lu twilight#tw blood#tw torture#febuwhump#febuwhump2024#day 1#helpless#febuwhumpday1
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man. i just had the single most emotionally scarring dream ever. and this is coming from someone who only ever has nightmares and awful stress dreams. what the fuck
#artistically speaking? unique. and a masterpiece.#fragmentary storytelling. vignettes letting you discover this tight-knit community from different points of view#with a constant evolution through some kind of metanarrative element (video game of some sort that evolved with time)#you meet and learn about all these people and how they love each other#NOT first person pov like usual too. possibly the first time it happens. i was passive and helpless#and then. one of the most beloved people. just. goes out at night. you see her through the eyes of a neighbor#and have the worst sense of impending doom#and next thing you know she's been found dead. killed herself by slashing her own throat open.#didnt see the corpse nor the death itself it#was a series of newspaper articles and each family and community member's conversations#what the fuck man. ive never been so haunted by a dream before
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white supremacy and misogyny work hand-in-hand to keep patriarchal power systems in place, if you fail to acknowledge this you’re not a radical feminist
#radblr#white men at the top of the global hierarchy benefit from putting white women on a pedestal#as property and objects that must be protected from ‘savage’ men#white men don’t see white women as equals let alone human beings#white supremacy leans on the notion that women are fragile virginal infantile beings that need to be led by men#white supremacy claims black/brown women are in need of saving from ‘savage’ black/brown men#positions black/brown women as helpless and in need of a white savior#white supremacy believes black/brown women are incapable of creating their own women’s rights movements#because white supremacy views equal rights for women as a uniquely white action that only white women can take#which white supremacists see as a threat so they convince white women that white men are protectors#eliminating global female clas consciousness#meg posts
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You won’t understand LoK until you can learn to appreciate an aesthetic of disappointment
#lok#this sounds like a read#but it’s actually the whole point of that sequel series#I was thinking about it in comparison to Steven universe’s epilogue series#how they both deal with ptsd and the failures of idols#but SU works really hard to build understanding and a happy ending#and LoK just keeps knocking any satisfaction out at the knees#and the tone is just so shallow…#with how korra and her mentors all struggle to grasp any of the spiritual concepts they’re supposed to be the keepers of…#and everyone just keeps switching jobs and really lacking any roots#and no one’s really that likable and/or redeemable#I don’t even think they entirely meant to do it#but it creates this overall sense of helpless depression#that’s a really unique viewing experience#it’s the very opposite of the hope that’s at the center of the og series#and I’m just not mad about it the way some fans are
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i need my brain rewritten bro
#i cannot keep existing in the way i do now#i mean i could but its awful. Not the worst version of me but still bad#i need a different personality i need a different way of thinking i need to stop being mentally ill#but there is literally nothing i can do about the way i am and i feel so helpless#i want to talk to people i want the motivation to reach out and take what i want and need#but my anxiety doesnt budge. my chronic fatigue doesnt budge. i just cant. and im so sick of being told i can#if i were to just try harder and put my mind to it#what i need is like. Someone else to permanently take over my brain for me#i cant fucking live the way i am#i need to be someone different#EVEN COMPARE TO EVERYONE ELSE. I AM A UNIQUE CASE OF AWFUL#no one else is fucking struggling to interact! or do like most things in their life!#i genuinely cant come close to living a normal or good life as i am now#i can even look the *direction* of other people. i go full silent on group calls.#i go full silent in text chats of people i dont know well and it prevents me from connecting entirely#i freeze up i get scared i retreat into my shell or give up cause who cares its not their job to coddle me#i literally. i should not exist#im not human and not even in a fun or quirky way. i am just fundamentally incompatible with like . life itself.#whats the point man. this isnt a life
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since you've been playing elden ring, do you have a favorite npc so far?
Haha, my pace at discovering more of Elden Ring is SNAIL slow. And I don't mean moderately fast snail-like mobs in ER, I mean real life snails. xD So, my knowledge is still lacking. But with what I DO know, I think I can pick a favourite already!
This might come off as a surprise, but this...
...is...
...SELLEN!
Honestly, so far I liked her the most! She gives me very strong Imposter Iosefka vibe (in the scenario if after having made enough Emissaries, the Imposter also joined with them to be several small ascended people hiding in a trench coat pretending to be one BIG ascended person…). Whereas she is still, of course, a unique and interesting character on her own! It is just this kind of a female character after knowledge beyond human plane that reminds me.
I am particularly fond of the madman/woman/person characters who want to know the eldrich truths of the universe, no matter how horrifying they are and no matter what taboos they have to break, and what they have to give in exchange. I also can respect the type of 'scientist that is not above trying their own medicine' because, again, she becomes The Orb herself xd Her sassy and blunt attitude is also very appealing for me, she is a confident character with a very certain motivation! I do also enjoy how no matter what scroll she is given, her reaction is that she is familiar with this sorcery, so she is already very educated!
I've posted my analysis how in Bloodborne, Willem and 'original' Choir (from which only Yurie remains) prioritise ascending humanity and leveling with the gods as people, whereas the Choir as it is later tries to TRANSCEND humanity, and will break any taboos, just like Mensis too. In there, I actually sympathise with Willem's side and see Choir as reckless and desperate fools. But in Elden Ring, for some reason, I actually sympathise with the ideas of Sellen (and her teachers, Azur and Lusat) more instead, whereas seeing how Caria family goes about the glintstone teachings as kinda weak. Not REAL researchers. It is very funny and I can't even explain why I am so inconsistent all of a sudden; doesn't help that Rennala herself gives strong Willem and Yurie vibe! Truly, the magic of narration can make EITHER side feel more sympathetic than the other o_o"
Also, I've learned that initially her Witch's Glintsone Crown was named Grana Glintstone Crown, but it was patched out!
I feel like developers initially did want to make Sellen as important as someone who had her own school and the crown made in her likeness was a common wear too, but it never picked up because… well, her line of studies contradicted with Caria's family agenda and restrictions too much? It is one thing to just explore rocks from space, but completely different one to try and BECOME one! But I decided to go with 'they retconned the idea' rather than with 'they obscured the idea'. I mean, how exactly people would follow this "school"? They'd just become rocks lol. It is not really studying the object when you become the object.
I also honest to god cannot recall this particular shade of green glintstone anywhere else - not in an environment, nowhere on Graven Scholars, and there are no spells or staff associated with this color. So I feel like it is artificial and created BY her; would go with theme of her experimenting with turning people into seeds of a star. Heck, maybe this glintstone also had an… organic origin, too. So it cannot be turned into a weapon (unlike staffs of Azur and Lusat that ARE made from existing cosmic material), but only serve as cathalyst for intellect and sorcery of THE caster.
Also I just gotta say, I really appreciate how in these spheres everyone is always having the both horrified and awe-full expression, but she looks really blissful and calm x) She actually gave a realistic, adequate estimate towards how much she wanted to become one with the cosmos xD Lore says that even Azur and Lusat were devastated when they witnessed it, so she is arguably MORE of a madwoman than those two. Love this about her so much.
Honorable mention: so far, Nepheli is my second favorite. Her design definitely beats everyone else's amongst NPCs yet, but also she is just really appealing character. Badass warrior with two axes with great honor and will to go on no matter what, who is also very sensitive and compassionate at heart, is in touch with her vulnerable side, grieving the fallen, strong but not invincible… It is a very good example of how TO write a strong and badass female character; the power is not to be a solid brick that never cries but to be able to connect with one's insecurities and still get back up. Her being heartbroken when her father figure turned on her was very moving, for some reason this way she feels stronger than if she just got up and kicked Gideon's ass and hated him forevermore after that. I just live for this balance of both big muscles but ALSO a big heart.
#elden ring#sorceress sellen#elden ring headcanons#(sort of? it isn't really much it is just me rambling)#(can't wait to discover a minor detail in lore that will flip everything upside down as usual lol)#going in blind with elden ring is a very rewarding experience trust me#but at the same time i feel SO helpless compared to how well-versed I am in BB!#emotions when you find and NPC dead or find a plot twist are so worth it tho xd#for the record: yes i do like seluvis and i can write an essay on this too#but from cold and rational standpoint not he is my favorite#i just appreciate him#i really love it though how in ER there is a line between magic (incantations) and science (glintstone sorcery)#how former scales with faith and latter with intellect#i needed it a lot#granted BB also has cursed pthumerian-esque magic vs COSMOS OF COURSE and eyes#but it is a bit more blurry#by the way if there IS this exact shade of green somewhere else in the game BUT her crown please show me!#i just haven't seen it nor an item!#unless i am right and it IS unique. oh boy....
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V.II Snail unable to bear the sight of his naked bare flesh. Flesh, untampered, unimproved; inherently weak, inherently flawed. To exist without silicon and steel is to not exist at all.
His augments, the pinnacle of corporate technology, fills every cavity. The source of his ability, his pride, his power.
He is Arquebus.
#i bestow him the honor of giving him my flesh dysphoria#thats it. youre going to the electrosphere#armcore posting#his worst nightmare isnt getting fired#when he pulls himself together he can become another corporation#its actually being unaugmented. a helpless baby chick#it's what makes him unique most. his planning his scheming can take him far#but his combat ability worh his augments makes him stand out the way he likes it#sighs dreamily
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sometimes i think about Quaritch feeling bad for finding happiness in small moments and i react normally to it inside of me
#horse.txt#this is a lie i start shaking and tearing up#something about that culturally Christian impulse to deprive yourself of joy and pleasure until you 'deserve it'#which coincidentally So often tends to happen at a time known as 'Never'#whenever i think i dont deserve to be happy i think about Him instead and it does things to my head. like woaw...#punitive measures after wrongdoings can creative a very unique type of misery#wherein the question of 'do i deserve to hurt like this' is Already Answered by everyone around you; and it is a resounding Yes#the helplessness the regret the ticking clock. waiting for something to give at all -- and when it doesnt#you instead find happiness crawling in through the dogflap in the back door of your mind. and you have to figure out how to get rid of it#because if someone sees it. they will take it away#bad people dont get to smile. bad people dont get to laugh. a bad persons joy is always - somehow - a mockery of a good person's misery#when youre bad. being 'good' becomes something different. it becomes about shrinking away and disappearing#it becomes a very genuine question of 'would the world be better off without me?' because thats precisely what the good masses say they want#vent //#sort of? im fine i just started thinking about sad scenes im gonna write for spe'etu n got in my feels#anyway. thinks about that old man groveling
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op this is how you make a lich. what have you done
This may be too supernatural for an actually pretty down to earth show that is dbda (when it comes to magic, abilities and power scaling), but I'd have a blast seeing the plot point of Edwin's soul's capability to be used for obtaining magical power make a comeback
What would be even cooler is if it was Edwin himself who became interested in using that power
I can see him researching what devices can be used for it, do they have to always inflict pain on him to work and if yes, then how far is he willing to go in order to get it
He'd never use it for any malicious purposes or to just possess power for power's sake, he'd use it in extremely dire situations, when he really needs a certain spell to be amplified in order to rescue Charles from danger
Which brings me to the obvious angst potential of Edwin hiding the pain, lying about the source of the amazing power and then ofc Charles finding out and oh
(It'd introduce more magic and actual combat power for the boys - which is actually the opposite of what the show is about, I know, aside from a wild use of Crystal's vast abilities, they really make a good job at showing that the boys were just normal humans (and now ghosts) who predominantly use their wits and knowledge gathered throughout the many years of being on Earth, so I wouldn't even expect them to go this direction (if they actually mention Edwin's soul's power ever again), but it's just a very fun concept to me)
#read the first few sentences and was like UH OH#except this is a very unique lich-adjacent situation where A) the magic user is already dead B) the magic user is a#strange wizard-making-himself-a-sorcerer kind of thing which is. actually an extremely interesting concept if putting it in a dnd context#a wizard forcibly turning himself into a sorcerer basically. that’s neat. and also horrifying#but yeah I imagine ghosts are not nearly as stable as living humans when it comes to corruptability– and on top of that edwin’s got so much#potential power in him that one wrong move or one step too far and I think he could destroy himself instantly#though what’s more likely and more interesting is- like op says- him getting more and more interested in utilizing his own power and#slowly but surely getting carried away- more invested in results than his own safety. at that point the only person who could save him would#absolutely be charles- because no one else would be able to say ‘I need you– weren’t we supposed to be together no matter what? we won’t be#if you lose yourself or wipe yourself off the face of the earth’#or something of the like#very good angst potential mmm#I don’t think the basic concept is too supernatural for the show tbh and it seems quite in character for him#especially right after the events of the s1 finale. the trauma of being used like that and helpless despite it being HIS power she was#extracting + being supposedly so powerful and not being able to use that to save niko. when it mattered most. + some protective/preventative#tendencies spiraling a bit into the extreme after the literal worst thing that could possibly happen to him– being dragged back to hell–#just happened and Yeah the night nurse and her superior say that he’s sanctioned to stay on earth but the night nurse ALSO reassured him#right before he was dragged to hell so how is he supposed to trust that? how is he supposed to feel safe ANYWHERE? what if this time instead#of just running he was prepared? what if he could Kill that fucking babydoll demon for good?#you can see why this train of thought would drive him maybe a little bit mad#so many threads from s1 could connect to this idea very very feasibly imo fr fr fr#ughghh hey show writers can we just. can we just get in the writers room please. we have ideas#rambling#edwin
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Thank you for the advice! <3 It’s nice to hear from someone else who has gone through it (even if in my case I don’t believe it to be anxiety. I sat through two IOP groups for anxiety and am still waking up with chest pain). I am getting a barium swallow tomorrow to check GI but it’s been really frustrating all along. I really appreciate you answering me. It feels very isolating and alienating dealing with chest pain for so long and not knowing what to do about it. I’m so glad that you are in a better place now! Really happy for you! I hope someday I can live without chest pain again too
Thank you anon! I’m glad you are continuing to seek treatment and answers. You deserve to feel better.
(Actually now that you mention it, there was a specific stressful point in my life several years ago where I would have the sharpest chest pain in between sleeping and waking up. It would lessen somewhat when I was fully awake, but I remember it being there right as I was starting to gain consciousness. Idk man, the mind/body connection is weird, and it took a long time for me to even start to tackle it. But I hope that you can find and heal whatever is causing yours! Just remember that you are definitely not alone with this <3)
#non cardiac chest pain#asks#also I deffffff get the feeling alone and helpless in the face of mysterious pain#for me it was more the decade of stomach issues and numerous doctors tests that all revealed nothing#but there’s something so uniquely horrible about being in pain that you have no idea what it is or why it’s here or when it will come next#you just have to suffer and hope that one day you’ll have some kind of knowledge and agency over it#ughh#anyway anon. I hope you feel better real soon
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