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januaryembrs · 3 years

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ANOTHER NIGHT | Matt Murdock x reader

Description: Matt threatens your brother after he finds out he’s hurt you, and makes you a promise that blurs the line of your friendship.

Length: 3.5k

Trigger Warnings: familial abuse, broken nose, hinted at alcoholism and cheating in family

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authors note: I have fallen down a matt murdock rabbit hole someone STop me. Also this dialogue and scenario is 100% taken from the book/show Normal People because I’m in love with this scene.

“Hey Matty, um,” His ears pricked up the second he’d answered the phone. You didn’t sound like yourself, even without the super sensitive hearing he could have known that. You sounded shaken, teary even, and oddly enough as though you had caught a cold in the few hours since you had last seen him in the office with the way your nose was bunged up. “Do you still have the number of that nurse you were talking about, your, um, friend?”

Now he was concerned.

You were never one to make a big deal out of anything. He’d been there when you’d fallen off your rollerblades in college and skinned your knees and your arms deep, and still you’d insisted you just needed to dab it with an alcohol wipe. So why on earth would you need to talk to Claire?

“What’s happened? Are you okay?” He rushed, already up off the sofa, his dinner long forgotten as he reached around for his blazer he knew was on the coat rack somewhere.

You laughed a tiny bit, humourless and with a small gasp at the end that told him it had hurt you to do so, “Yeah, I’m fine, Matty. I just had a bit of an accident is all, it’s silly really. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I just need you to ask her-”

“I’m coming over,” Matt said firmly, grabbing his stick and leaving no room for protest. But of course, you being you, you did anyway.

“No!” Your raise in volume had you audibly wincing, and your voice only sounded even more clogged after that, “No, Matt. I just needed to know if I needed to take myself to the emergency room, I don’t need you here.”

“I’m on my way,” He said, practically ignoring every word you just said. If you were hurt so bad you were considering the ER, he wanted to be with you. You were too stubborn and independent for your own good, and that was coming from him.

“My brother’s here,” You finally confessed to the problem. Matt stopped half way out his doorway, ready to slot the key in the lock and head out onto the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, prepared to walk the few blocks down to your apartment by himself. It was then he realised what the frantic denial of help meant.

Matt had known since college things were never normal in your family. You never went home for the big holiday like most people would, staying in your halls for Christmas and Thanksgiving while everyone else went back to celebrate it with their own kin. Foggy had always questioned it as to why you stayed, you weren’t like Matt who unfortunately had no parents to spend holidays with. You had always brushed him off, saying the journey time wasn’t worth it and that your mom was too busy with work to pick you up. But it was on one of those Christmas nights, when it was just you and Matt in his dorm watching old movies that you told him the real reason you hated going home.

As long as you could remember, your parents had not loved each other. Your father conveniently went on long weekends for ‘business’ almost every week, though somehow he always ended up returning home smelling of his secretary’s perfume come Monday morning. Your mother, in between being glued to her laptop with her own stressful job, was often seen with a glass of pinot in her hand to wind down.

You knew it was to drown out that wretched scent. It made it much easier to pretend she didn’t see the lipstick stains when she was out of it.

This left you and your older brother, Joe. He had always hated you, you were convinced of it. Before your dad’s weekend trips started, you had completely stolen the show when you had been born. The boy was seething jealous to the core about how your parents and family saw their bouncing baby girl, while he was left over to be the responsible older sibling. When he was little, it had been pushing you off the swings, pulling your hair hard enough to yank some of it out, tearing the heads and arms off every one of your dolls until you were left with morbid, plastic corpses to play with as you cried over your lost beauties. Everything you had, he’d always ruined.

As he got older, he stopped with all the physical assaults on you. Before, it had been almost excusable, just a little boy teasing his sister a little too harshly, as your mother would tell you. But what came after was so much worse.

You struggled to make friends in school, your quiet nature deeming you antisocial. Hell, even in college, Matt and Foggy were your only real friends, and that was because you’d been paired with Foggy first term for a class project which led to you spending time with the boys. Joe always found a way to pick on you for your lack of social circle. You tried locking him out of your room altogether, trying to shut out his incessant picking at your loneliness, but he always found a way to make you feel shitty about yourself.

You had told him before you were scared of your brother, that he wasn’t just hurtful in his words but he was intimidating too. He was broad, the classic athletic type that had made him so popular in high school as cliche as it sounded. You had never said if he’d hurt you before, other than the petty jealousy he’d exuded when he was a kid, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out why you sounded so panicked.

Your brother was in town, he was staying at your apartment for the weekend, and coincidentally you just happened to have had ‘an accident’ that had injured you.

“Y/N,” He sounded calm as he said your name, but he felt the shake of pure fury in his key wielding hand. “Did he do something to you?”

You were quiet on the other end of the line. You found it odd he always had a way of knowing you were lying, always, so you gave up a long time ago even trying. Yet you still didn’t have the words needed to admit it to him.

“Matt, please. I’m fine-” Was all you were able to say before he put the phone down. You knew he’d be on his way, and your nerves were shot to hell as to how he was going to make it through the dark streets of New York on his own, but then Matt was always more capable than you’d have thought for a blind person, as ignorant as it sounded.

You cradled your nose gently, inspecting it in the hallways mirror. It had already started bruising and looked as though there was a slight dent in it that you could have been sure wasn’t there before. The bloodied tissues you’d tentatively stuffed up there to stem the bleeding were pretty much full now, the crimson liquid dripping slowly down your lip. You attempted to clean it up a bit with a fresh tissue, but that one was quickly filled too.

You sighed, thinking back to how scarily calm Matt had sounded before he’d hung up the phone. This was going to get messy.

Your brother seemed none the wiser to what, or who, was coming for him, not that there was anything you could do now except pray Matt would be too occupied helping you out to care he was sitting in your living room, drinking a bottle of your beer with a bitter look on his face. You weren’t lying when you said it was an accident, but then again perhaps you were lying to yourself in denial that your brother would have intentionally done this to you.

You had been arguing in the kitchen to start with. Your brother had needed a place to stay while he was seeing some baseball game with his friends. He was too much of a cheapskate to pay for a hotel himself and wanted you to stick your neck out for him. You had protested of course, but one word to your mother and father and suddenly you were a selfish daughter and sister who didn’t appreciate all her family had done for her. So, you were stuck with the piece of shit for the weekend.

Of course, even with your favour to him he still found reason to pick on you. This time it was over your newest business venture with Matt and Foggy.

“So you’re just their secretary really?” He’d sneered, seeing the letter head clearly stating ‘Nelson and Murdock’, your name omitted from the business. “I’ll bet you slept with both of them to get the job,”

“I got the job because I’m a good lawyer, Joe,” You seethed, throwing your coat over the seat in a huff. You’d had a long day at the office as it was, you didn’t need this shit getting home, “I chose not to have my name in the business, it wasn’t that I’m not good enough,”

“Yeah right,” Joe chuckled darkly, “Even that blind freak is better at seeing through people's shit than you are,” He taunted, grabbing himself a beer out of your fridge.

That was when you’d lost it. You started shouting back and forth, dragging up things from your past that neither of you had never gotten over, not that you ever thought you would.

“You were always jealous of me! I was always so much smarter than you, Joe, and you fucking despised me for it,”

“I despise you for your pity party personality. It’s no wonder you never had anyone who gave a shit about you,”

You screamed at each other a bit more, feeling like you were children again with the way your throat hurt from the yelling. You saw him continue to search through your cupboards for something to eat no doubt, and it infuriated you how he still saw everything you owned as something he could just take, even after all these years.

In a rage, you slammed the cabinet door shut, grabbing his attention. You had never been so physical with your anger, yet part of you felt alive you were finally starting to fight back. He couldn’t keep taking what you had built for yourself.

Your feeling of self accomplishment had been short lived as you saw your defiance flash red in his eyes. You barely had a second for the dread to wash over you as he grabbed the handle to the cupboard and threw it open once more with a force that would have surely broken if off its hinges had you not acted as a wall to stop it from swinging outwards.

You heard a sudden crack as the wood made contact with your face, the shock of it stealing all the breath from your lungs. You gave an unattractive groan of pain as it registered that that very much fucking hurt.

It ached almost immediately and you realised there was blood gushing onto your mouth and floor when you parted your lips to swear and it was filled with metal.

You were snapped out of your mind racing as to exactly how it had all gone so wrong when you heard a pounding on the door. That would be Matt.

You tried wiping up the blood some more to hide the extent of the damage, which was silly since he couldn’t see it anyway. You opened the door before Matt could practically knock it down with the force at which he was banging his fist against it, your eyes immediately noticing how out of breath he seemed. He must have practically ran to your apartment, something you could chide him over later.

“Matty-”

“What did he do?” He asked. You’d never heard him use such a furious tone. You felt yourself shrink back from him as he pushed his way into the apartment, and it seemed only then with your nervous disposition that Matt tried to regulate his emotions. He took a deep breath, his hand tentatively lifting to cup your face.

He could taste iron in the air, he could hear the congestion in your nose and the way you breathed lightly through your mouth, and he put the pieces together before you could speak. “I think my nose is broken,” You mumbled, words paining you to get out as they vibrated through your nasal cavity and to your affliction site.

Matt drew a deep breath, his thumb ever so gently reaching over to swipe under your nose, to feel for himself what he knew was there. He felt a hot, sticky liquid he knew all too well from his nightly routine, but this time it was different. This time it was you hurt, not some thug or even himself. It was your blood he had on his hands.

He swallowed heavily, tucking your hair behind your ear in a quick, affectionate gesture to try and comfort you the best he could with the rage he felt.

“Go stand outside, we’ll go to my apartment. I’ll be right out.” Matt said, quiet enough to console you but calm enough to scare you as to what he was going to do.

You weren’t stupid. You knew not to protest further when Matt was like this and so you followed his instruction, simply hoping whatever was going to happen would be quick.

You didn't ask any questions, you just left.

Matt felt his anger quadruple once you had left the room. He locked the door behind you so there was no way you would be able to see what was about to happen. If he could protect you from anything, it would be this.

He heard your brother in the living room standing up to see who was at the door and advance into the hallway.

“Where’s Y/N?” Joe asked, false concern in his voice that only infuriated Matthew that bit more. In an split second, he had your brother pressed against the wall with a strength that even surprised him.

“What the fuck-”

“You listen here you little prick,” Matt cut Joe’s cries of shock off with a deep, threatening voice that usually only came out when he was messing up criminals in the dark streets of Hell’s Kitchen as the Devil.

Yet here he was as Matt Murdock, threatening your brother. Saintly, law abiding, Matt Murdock.

“I didn’t touch her!” Your brother tried to gasp, but the brunette man simply held his collar that bit tighter.

“Bullshit!” Matt growled, “Now you listen here. You ever touch her again, I’ll hunt you down and I’ll kill you, you hear me?”

“Y-you’re a lawyer. You shouldn’t be threatening me like this,” Joe stuttered, Matt’s weight pressing against his chest and constricting it with ease. The devil’s head turned in consideration of his words, as if to taunt your brother just that bit more.

“You’re right,” Matt said, in a cynically gleeful voice, “You touch her again and I’ll sue you for everything you’re worth. And then, when you’re on your ass, wishing you had so much as pot to piss into, then I’ll kill you. Do I make myself clear?”

- - -

You leaned against Matt’s bathroom counter, holding a small bag of frozen peas to your nose. Matt got off the phone with his 'secret nurse friend', that was all he’d told you and Foggy about her, returning to your side with some baby wipes.

“She said you don’t need to go to the ER if its only a small fracture. The swelling should go down within a few days,” He said, handing you the packet of wipes with a solemn look on his face.

You hadn’t said a word since you left your apartment, silently following his instructions to put the peas on your face as your mind raced over exactly how fucked up your night had been. You hated how your brother could ruin things for you, that you gave him the power to, but you never thought he would hurt you like this.

“Is it feeling any better?” Matt asked quietly when you didn’t respond. He couldn’t see how badly it had bruised, how it had moved over to your brow bone and started turning your right eye black, just that it was hurting you to breathe through it still. You nodded your head gently, clearing your throat when you realised he couldn’t see what you were doing.

“A little,” Your voice came out as a mouse, and you moved the icy compress away from your nose to have a look at it in the mirror. Your nose itself looked less swollen, but the blood had dried over your lips and chin making you look utterly gruesome. “Just a lot of blood,”

“Let me help,” Matt said, gently turning you around. You let him move you, all the energy out of your body drained from the evenings. You felt him delicately start to wipe under your nose, across your chin with a tenderness you needed for the way you felt.

Something seemed to shift in Matt as he felt his wipe-covered finger glide over your lips, where he realised you were letting him take complete control of your body, almost limp in his arms.

He didn’t know what to say, or what to feel, other than that he didn’t want to ever feel you the way you were right now. You felt like a zombie in his arms, this wasn’t you that he knew. You weren’t even crying, you just seemed dazed. It scared him in all honesty.

“Hey, look at me,” Matt requested. He felt you shift in his arms, your eyes piercing into his unfocused ones, scanning over his face for any sign as to what he wanted. His free hand that hadn’t been wiping your face came up to cup your cheek, “No one is ever going to hurt you like that again, trust me. Not him, not anyone.”

You felt your eyes tear up at his words. You leaned further into the palm of his hand and it was only then he felt a salty, hot tear roll over his fingers. He pulled you in for a hug, to which you immediately grabbed onto him as if he were the only thing grounding you in the moment. He was.

“I’m never going to let anything like that happen to you again, Y/N,” He whispered, stroking the back of your head as you cried into his blazer, “Because I love you and I’m going to keep you safe, you know that?”

His words seemed to calm your sobs slightly, and all you could mutter was “Thankyou,” as he continued caressing your back gently. You pulled away, looking at him in the face as if for the first time you’d properly considered his words.

Because I love you.

You sniffled as softly as you could with your injured nose, reaching out to hold his hand. “I don’t think your girlfriend would like you saying that, Matt, no matter how sweet it was,”

He smiled to himself lightly even though you had been serious, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Does she know that?” You teased slightly, laughing as he broke out into a grin hearing you coming around to your normal self again.

Things weren't okay, far from it, but at least he was taking your mind off it, that's all he could ask for.

“Yes, she knows that. Who do you take me for?” He joked back.

Things seemed to go quiet between the two of you again, revelling in the moment of his loving words. He knew what you were thinking, as did you. It was the confession you’d been waiting for for years. He heard it in the way your heart fluttered looking at his face, and god have mercy, did he want to kiss you right then and there.

Maybe if you weren't caressing a broken nose and you hadn’t had such a shitty night on your mind, Matt would have kissed you, or let you kiss him. But you were injured and he didn’t want to take advantage of the awful hand of cards you'd been dealt today.

So instead, he tilted your head forward gently and put his lips your forehead sweetly.

Perhaps another night, he would kiss you.

a/n: as I always do before I post I kinda hate this but any love is much appreciates

#matt murdock x reader #matt Murdock one shot #matt murdock x you #Mathew murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #daredevil x female reader #matt murdock x y/n

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oceanics · 4 years

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LGBT+ books by authors of color

For those of us tired of LGBT+ romance always being featured between white characters, or from the perspective of white characters, here’s a list of LGBT+ novels by authors of color centered on characters of color.

Thank you so much @percyannabcth for your recs! ♡

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz: a beautiful mlm coming of age story between two brown latino boys. Personally, one of my favorite books (young adult).

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia: first of a series set in fantasy Latin America with a main couple compromised of brown wlw (young adult).

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone: enemies-to-lovers time travel fantasy novel featuring wlwoc (adult).

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: I’ll admit, this one wasn’t my cup of tea, but I’m more the exception to the rule. Fantasy with main asian wlw. Heavy rape and abuse tw (young adult).

It’s Not Like It’s a Secret by Misa Sugiura: contemporary novel with a japanese protagonist that falls in love with a latina girl (young adult).

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie Mclemore: not a mlm or wlw story, but one with a latina protagonist and a love interest that’s a Pakistani trans boy (young adult).

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera: borrowing elements from both sci-fi and contemporary, this is a story about the hardships a Puerto Rican boy from the Bronx has with coming on his own. Suicide and homophobia tw (young adult)

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: beautiful novel that tackles a lot of themes, including coming to terms with being LGBT+, from the point of view of an Asian man (adult).

Tell Me Again How A Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan: coming of age contemporary novel about a persian girl that falls in love with one of her friends (young adult).

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender: contemporary novel in a high-school setting about a black trans boy learning to navigate the dificulties that are put in his path due to his identity. Transphobia tw (young adult).

Hurricane Child by Kacen Callender and Kheryn Callender: a tale of magical realism about a girl whose luck was sealed when she was born on the dreaded day of a hurricane (middle grade).

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera: Juliet, a Puerto Rican lesbian, moves out of her family’s home and leaves to explore what her identity means both for herself and for those around her (new adult).

Ash by Malinda Lo: a wlw retelling of Cinderella with a girl of color as a protagonist and a very quick, entertaining read (young adult).

A Line in the Dark by Malinda Lo: a contemporary novel where the main character, an asian girl called Jess Wong, used to being on the sidelines, becomes the protagonist of her own story as she falls in love with her best friend (young adult).

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice, an asexual black girl, learns to navigate her sexuality and how the perception of others affects her (or not) after a break up with her girlfriend and the start of adult life (adult).

Seven Tears at High Tide by C. B. Lee: Kevin Luong, an asian-american guy, asks the ocean for one summer where he can find love - and a selkie boy hears his pleading and seeks him out, willing to give him exactly that (young adult).

Not Your Sidekick by C. B. Lee: an intern girl with no powers at a superhero school starts getting notes from a mysterious person that goes by “M”. Bisexual main character, and the sequel includes a trans boy on the main cast, both people of color (young adult).

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum: prepare for your heart to be torn out by this not-quite psychological thriller about two boys in a codependent relationship that must learn to cope with their less-than-ideal circumstances, and their also less-than-ideal dynamic. Read the book’s description for potential trigger warnings (young adult).

Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo: a series of short tales that tells the stories of british black women through different years, including the those of lgbt+ women (adult).

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson: when a girl’s attempt to get a scolarship to the college of her dreams falls through, her only choice if she wants her life to keep going on the path she’s set for herself is to become prom queen. It’s just too bad that the competition is so cute (young adult).

Final Draft by Riley Redgate: an 18 year old writer, who happens to be a plus-size pansexual ecuatorian girl, learns the perils of adulthood and gains life experience in this extremely relatable contemporary novel (young adult).

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera: a heart-wrenching novel about two boys that meet up to live the entirety of their life in a day - a day which happens to be their last. (death tw) (young adult).

Adaptation by Malinda Lo: when strange events turn the American government into a paranoid mess, Reese wakes up with a month of her life gone from her memories. This time, as our main character finds herself pulled in two directions, the love triangle is bisexual (young adult).

The Weight of the Stars by K. Ancrum: a slow-burn, slow-paced romance between two women that will leave the reader bewildered and feeling like they have a new understanding of life, with a touch of sci-fi (young adult).

She of the Mountains by Vivek Shraya: an illustrated novel that touches on gender, sexuality and a re-imagining of Hindu mythology (adult).

The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin: fantasy novel set in an apocalyptic world, with a cast made up mainly of black characters, that includes polyamory in the first book and wlw relationships on the latter ones (adult). Be wary of possible trigger warnings.

Note: all the links redirect to The Storygraph, a Black-owned site currently on Beta! Consider checking it out and giving it your support - it lets you import all of your books and shelves from Goodreads, but unlike Goodreads, it’s not owned and ran by Amazon.

#ania speaks #txt #to read #lit #also bc it's always tsoa rwrb tsoa rbwb #and its cool!! i adore both!! but let's support authors of color too #also most of these are own voices so they are from lgbt authors of color #also i either read all of those myself or they come from Trusted Sources #so in theory they should be qualitay

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nancydfan · 3 years

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So I have been a fan of resident evil for a while now and I have to say without a shadow of a doubt Ethan is my favorite protagonist. I feel like the rest of the protagonists in the series are kinda the same, you’ve got the police/army guys (Leon and Chris) who are determined to save the world, and then with the rest of them they’re kinda the same, badass people willing to give their all to get rid of evil and return the world back to normal. And that’s fine, except it’s a kind of story that’s been told over and over again and not just in resident evil.

That’s why I love Ethan so much. He is a breath of fresh air that the series needed. And while yes, you can argue that his type of storyline has also been used a lot, it’s something that has never been explored in resident evil.

With the rest of the protagonists, they choose to fight. They volunteer to put themselves in horrifying scenarios for the greater good.

Ethan isn’t like that.

He’s literally just your typical average dude. He has a normal job, and has a relatively normal life which he was happy to spend with Mia until she went missing.

In RE7 Ethan doesn’t volunteer to deal with the horrors that he faces. He just wanted his wife back, and even after 3 years he still loves her enough to drop everything and rush out to find her.

When I finished RE7, I liked Ethan as a main character, but it was RE8 that made me fall in love with him. In RE7 there were a lot of times when he just didn’t respond or kind of reacts underwhelmingly, but I think this is less of his character and more of Capcom trying to make you feel more like Ethan and having him react too much might take you out of feeling like the main character is you.

Of course his actions are still very reflective of him, like when he first enters the house and has to “kill” Mia the first time, when she reaches out to him he reaches right back, implying that he regrets what just happened and that he still wants her to be okay, no matter what is wrong with her.

I know Jacksepticeye said one of the reasons why he doesn’t like Ethan is because he doesn’t have a character arc, but I disagree. Like I said, Ethan goes from not being very vocal at times/ underwhelming reactions in RE7 to I feel the exact opposite in 8; he talks a lot more with lines that make sense, and you can feel his emotions at times even with just seeing his hands. Now one can argue that Capcom just wrote Ethan differently, which I can see.

But I feel as though Ethan has changed- in the first game, he’s scared and confused, and finally ends on frustration as the game nears its end. In RE8 he is angry, angry that his life keeps getting turned on it’s head because of some stupid mold. He is angry, and fueled by his grief and determination to save the only family (he thinks) he has left. He is 100% done with everything and has honestly given his last fuck a long time ago.

And again, this is what makes him special- he doesn’t necessarily care about the mold, about Miranda or any of the “bigger issue” things- he just wants his family. In 7 he just wants to get his wife and get out of there, and In 8 he just wants to save his daughter. He didn’t sign up to be a hero, to save the world from it’s own creations. He just wants his family.

And honestly that’s what makes him more human and alive to me than the rest of the protagonists- the rest of them kind of just feel like characters with their (almost cheesy) need to take on insurmountable problems to save the world. But Ethan is different, he’s just a man who probably just wants to do his taxes in peace and have a normal, quiet life. The rest of the protagonists, though I’m sure would love to quit, wouldn’t change their jobs or their situations because they know someone has to do it and it might as well be them. But not Ethan. If he had the choice than he’d make it so none of this ever happened, and that he and his family never have to be involved in something like this again.

Which is why I think this is what makes his sacrifice so much more tragic. With any of the other protagonists yes we would be sad but we’d find comfort in knowing that they died doing what they loved (saving people), and wouldn’t have it any other way.

But Ethan is different.

He didn’t want to sacrifice himself- we can see that in the way he struggles with Chris to get out, to stay in one piece for his daughter because he wants to be there for her. He went through hell and he just wants to see his little girl grow up. And when he hears Mia’s alive that want only grows more because he has a chance to have his family back, but I think he knows he can’t. He’s falling apart, his body has dealt with so much and kept him alive but not for much longer. And so even though he desperately wants to go back with Chris, after hearing Mia’s alive he knows he can let go. I think another part of why he was fighting so hard to escape with Chris is because he didn’t want Rose to live without both of her parents, but when he hears Mia’s alive he realizes that Rose will be okay, she will at least have one parent. He is so tired, so tired of fighting that even though he hates the fact that he can’t go back with her (you can physically hear the pain in his voice when he says “Goodbye Rosemary”), he knows that it’s something he has to do.

And he isn’t happy or content with sacrificing himself. In fact this is the last thing he wanted, which again is what makes it so heart wrenching. After all the pain he’s been through he doesn’t even get to see his daughter grow up, doesn’t get to grow old with his wife, his painful adventure to get his family back ends just as painfully as he pulls the trigger to destroy the mold.

This is why Ethan is special to me. Ethan is just a man who wanted to be happy with his family, not some stereotypical stone cold hero who would gladly give up his life for the greater good. He is truly unique and in a way I saw myself in him and his personality, which is what crushed me so much when he died. I wanted him to have a good ending and he got handed a shitty end. I really hope Capcom gives him a good resolution, one where he doesn’t have to be a main character at all but at least give us something where we know he’s okay and reunited with his family.

Sorry for getting weepy and deep lol, it’s just I really love Ethan and have no one to talk about how upset I am at his ending lol. Thanks for listening to my rant!

Oh my dear nonnie you’re always welcome to rant in my inbox. Long or not, thoughts, etc. that’s why my box is always open :)

And just so you know, I’m currently crying in an airport lobby over Ethan Winters 😆

I’m on mobile so I won’t be able to properly respond probably except to say you are absolutely right on all of these things. He really is such a stark contrast to the rest of the RE heroes and that’s what makes him so special to me too. He is just a man. A man who does everything he can for his family. All he wants to do is be left alone to love his wife and raise his daughter. I keep thinking of that scene in re8 where he’s talking to the doc. That is the Ethan Winters Capcom refuses to let us see all that much. Easy, happy, carefree moment. There’s a lightness to his voice. He doesn’t care about the problems of the world. That isn’t his job too. And it’s unbelievably tragic that not only does he get pulled into this twice (with three years of suffering for Mia before Dulvey and then the heartache of her “murder” and Rose’s kidnapping), he then dies in the end???? He doesn’t even get the reward to live with his wife and daughter? WHAT DID ETHAN WINTERS DO TO YOU, CAPCOM!!?

also overcome? Miss me w that bullshit. Y’all blew him to smithereens.

I swear if Capcom doesn’t bring him back in some way I don’t know how I’ll proceed w this series. I love Leon and Claire and Jill a lot too but nothing like Ethan. And I’m super not interested in getting my heart ripped out every few years. Especially w a new protagonist.

Ethan is just the perfect representation of deserved better. He pays his taxes on time, probably helps that old lady down the street whose husband just died. Tells the same joke we’ve all heard a thousand times to the point only Mia and him are laughing at it. He would be there for every parent teacher conference and up at 130 with a flashlight chasing away the monsters from Rose’s closet. The world may be crazy somewhere but he’s content to just be here with his family.

And Capcom took all of that away. I don’t think I’ll ever not be angry about it.

#thanks for the ask nonnie 💜💜💜#resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil spoilers #Ethan winters #Ethan Winters Defense Club #mrs joe speaks #long post

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wine4thewin · 3 years

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I started binging this series and now, for the life of me, do not understand how this never popped up on my radar before. I was never crazy about Black Swan or any of its imitators, but this show is a different animal from another realm of disturbing. I kinda dig that.

This isn't a tv series that is trying to make you happy or feel good about yourself. It's none of that. It's brutal. It's harsh. Gritty and uncomfortable. It holds your hand and drags you through this angsty tale of regaining lost agency, and it doesn't care if you want to look away, it forces you to observe.

Flesh and Bone is:

*Ballerina drama 🎭 and the dancing is legit, astounding and beautiful in contrast to all its flawed, imperfect characters

*Full of self-harm and psychological trauma

*An Unhealthy, effed-up game of thrones style Brother-Sister relationship in the undertone. Just when you think one of them is at fault, their twisted codependency whips it all around again, leaving you wondering what the real story is...

*Terrible life choices everywhere, by everyone

*Scenes of stripping to regain control of ones own body

*Also, a feisty angry gay king ballet director, with a tongue like a lash and more sass than you can handle

*Unhealthy obsessions, drugs, and messed up situations

Is this series a masterpiece? Naw. But rarely do I see a decent tv series that is unapologetically dark. This show wallows in it.

Spoilers in the Claire + Bryan analysis below the 'keep reading' line, because I need to blurt out all the creeped-out thoughts this series gave me in regards to those two and there are TRIGGERING things, but I need to rant somewhere...

The brutal cycle of codependency between Claire and Bryan isn’t exactly clear at first. Instead, the first episode opens up with Claire yeeting a suitcase out her bedroom window while someone is rattling her padlocked bedroom door, begging her to let them in. This fills the audience with a sickening feeling, because obviously people don't padlock their own bedroom door for no reason. She flees to New York to start a new life, join a dance company, and become someone new.

The problem is, the person she's running from is still unable to let her go. We see her get repeated calls on her phone from Bryan, until in a moment of weakness, she picks it up and talks to him, sobbing. She listens to him beg her to tell him where she went, that he misses her, is she okay, etc-

the phone call ends on a very disturbing note, showing us exactly the nature of their relationship...and they are siblings, so, bad news...

The next morning, Claire yeets her phone and gets a new one. She wants to kill her past. It's easy to see that he's what she's running from, what she's trying to start new from. She’s this fragile, broken thing and carries sorrow and skittish-ness around like it’s her job- and unfortunately, the dance team notices her 'frigid' attitude to being touched. They all mockingly call her a virgin, when it is likely farther from the truth. Her twitchiness is likely from years of abuse.

We see things go her way for a while. She's making a place for herself in the company, despite petty attitudes that are rampant in the dancers. It all goes fine until Bryan tracks her down (stalks the shit out of her) and shows up in her apartment in New York.

It's a study in just...awkwardness. Claire comes home late and sees her brother's stuff on her bed, but she doesn't see him or her promiscuous roommate...so she looks in her roommates room and catches Mia blowing Bryan, and Claire seems more than vaguely horrified, but the question is why? Because he's there or because he's with someone else? Claire flees the apartment and Bryan chases after her, catching her outside easily enough. They struggle in the rain until she gives up; she’s too small to compete. He brings her back upstairs and in a very strange, creepily domestic turn in events, she takes care of him, giving him food, making sure he has a spot on the couch to sleep- it almost seems like a normal brother-sister relationship. ALMOST. it reeks of a mouse trying to appease a cat.

Bryan doesn’t stay on the couch. He moves himself to the ground beside Claire’s mattress. He sleeps and she digs her fingernails in her palms until she bleeds. At dawn, when they both wake up, she coldly tells him that he can’t stay with her, he must go, that he better not be in the apartment when she returns from work.

He's obviously not happy about being yeeted out of her life, because according to him, he has nothing else in his life but her.

After a lot of bullshit and drama, Claire successfully convinces him he's not welcome in her new life. However, before he leaves for home, he displays some disturbing sexual dominance over her roommate, who was trying to get with him again by asking about Bryan's time in the marines. It took a worse turn when he confided that he enjoyed war and all the awful in it, and instead of having a normal sexual encounter, he hog ties her and jacks off over her body in a display of sexual violence. In all this time, we've never seen him get sexually violent with Claire, but this encounter leaves the audience wondering what he's done to her in the past...

Claire and Bryan separate on shit terms. He leaves New York, leaves her life, and she should be glad, but she’s not.

In a surprising show of codependency, she calls him after time passes. He ignores her. Until eventually he doesn’t. He’s ticked at her, emotionally withdrawn. She asks if he would mind if she came back home for a break. Bryan coldly tells her doesn’t care if she comes back for thanksgiving or not.

One would think that Claire would stay away. She doesn’t. She crawls back to him, in some strange expression of Stockholm Syndrome, and they play a convincing brother and sister around their abusive, drunken, crippled father who is a tyrant upon the household. A tyrant who shows barely any kindness to Claire and has literally no kindness for Bryan.

Their household is a horror show of misery and abuse. Neither sibling knows the love of their father and as we see in family videos, it's always been that way.

Claire sleeps in her padlocked bedroom and all seems normal. Nothing happens. Until the next day, when their dad is snoozing in the living room chair and Claire and Bryan are sitting on opposite sides of the couch in silence, Bryan quietly brings up how he worried for her when he was deployed in Afghanistan, and about the baby-

here's me, sitting there thinking, I knew it! I knew some awful shit like that happened!

Their dad wakes up at this and shuts that conversation down immediately. It turns out, he knew all along about the type of relationship his children had/have. The way he berates Bryan over it leaves me wondering if he blames Bryan for it, or if it's just his usual, poisonous hatred for his son.

This mentioned can of worms seems to break something in both siblings because things degrade from there while in this depressing environment.

In a strange turn in events late that night, Claire leaves her bedroom and goes into Bryan's, shutting the door behind her. GURL WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT IS HAPPENING? Does homeboy need a padlock on his bedroom too? Holy eff.

What happens appears consensual(?), no matter how twisted it is. When it’s over, Claire tells him they had a daughter, to answer his question from earlier in the day that their father didn't allow her to answer. so, is this the first time Claire has done this? Is this her way of taking control? By initiating sexual contact with her abuser?

She leaves shortly after, but before she does, she goes up to her sleeping father, who has his mouth open, and stuffs what appears to be a baby hospital bracelet into his mouth in a fit of anger. It's as if it's her passive-aggressive way of saying 'I blame you for this, now choke on the truth'.

When Claire's back in New York, getting the starring role, getting everything she ever wanted, she breaks down, overwhelmed, crying, calling Bryan on the phone repeatedly. He doesn’t answer her, until he does…and she tells him that she needs him to come to New York.

This is where I’m utterly fascinated by the disturbing circle of dependency these two are caught in. The story starts with Claire fleeing him, doing all she can to knife him out of her life…and now we have her begging for him to crawl back to her, especially after they re-consummated their utterly ill-advised, taboo relationship in a momentary mistake, that Claire also instigated.

What is happening here? Is she regressing? Or is it just that he's always been THE MOST important person in her life and she doesn't know how to be without him? Is he the only thing she understands?

She hates herself, she hates him, and she hates them. It's awful to see her be unable to escape this circle of unhealthy.

Against his own judgement, Bryan goes to her one last time, and Claire greets him with a smile, brings him into her apartment, which is now vacant of Mia. She chatters pleasantly about getting him settled, about the tickets she got him for him to watch her at the opening night of the ballet, because she needs him to see her-

Something in Bryan breaks and he looks ill.

“I can’t stay” he tells her and her entire demeanor shifts. He tells her that he’s done with all of it and she needs to be too. The horror and heartbreak on her face is obvious; this is not what she wanted even if it’s what she’s been grasping at all along. She's always wanted freedom from Bryan, yet now that it's here, she can't cope with it.

But why? And was her original pleasant attitude a coping method? To appease her abuser, to garner a favorable response from him in order for her to feel 'loved'? So many questions, these two are so pathetically love -starved that it's vile in every way possible.

When he leaves, he tells her that he hopes their daughter was adopted by a good family, that she’ll have a better life than they did. Claire uses this moment to let out all her rage and pain, instead telling him in a vicious monologue she had wanted to end her pregnancy, that he was a monster and the baby must have been too.

He's horrified, she's outraged- and he leaves. She falls apart, and yet the show must go on. And it does. And she does. And she gets nearly everything she ever wanted; the love of the crowd for a Prima Ballerina. The only person absent is the person she most wanted to witness her taking herself back...

There is also the matter of her finding glass in her shoes when she gets on stage...it looks like she eats the fucking glass, because blood trickles from her mouth. Gosh, what a masochistic Claire Robbins thing to do, continually punishing herself and using pain for success.

It's this end that leaves so many questions. Was everything Bryan's fault? We are led to believe it is, but there are also hints of Claire having her own part to play in their horrid relationship. And, does she truly reach empowerment if she is the one who wanted Bryan to see her perform? She told him she needed him to see her perform in order for her to feel real. She cuts her hair to show her independence of him, and yet somehow, it doesn't seem to be enough, even for her. and ew he snags her cut off pony tail and steals it, come on, man.

The final, dark lines in the show are telling, at least to me. Paul Grayson (the mercurial, controlling ballet director) asks his new starlet 'Tell me everything you are feeling, Tell me.'

A request to which a dark, cold-eyed Claire simply says, "No."

Perhaps this rejection is a symptom of her newfound empowerment in herself. She will not tell simply because he asks. Or, perhaps it's more sinister. Perhaps it's because she's feeling nothing at all, because her brother denied her small request of seeing her triumph, which she needed in order to feel real. Maybe it is a mix of both. She is empowered, has found her strength & independence, but a part of her is still missing, and under all her triumph, there is still shame and self-loathing, buried deep.

No happy ending here in my opinion, but it's open-ended and darkly tragic, and it's probably like that on purpose. Claire gets everything she ever wanted, and pain was the fuel she used to do it. I can't help but wonder if she traded one controlling abuser for another- Paul Grayson essentially knows her secret, and now he's made her a star. The end scene just gives so many thoughts and none of them are good...

"I hope that can happen for me, that's what I want. To be loved enough to become real." - Claire Robbins, Flesh and Bone.

#ballerina #flesh and bone 2015 #very dark rants beware #dark tv drama #starz flesh and bone #flesh and bone #tv show #tv series #ballerina drama #thoughts #tv show thoughts #tv show: flesh and bone #tv drama #josh helman #Sarah hay

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ahysopae · 3 years

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The Gifted episode 1, or how to start introducing 15 characters without overwhelming the viewer

The Gifted first foundation are the characters: each of them is beautifully flawed. They're close enough of archetypes to give to the viewer references (it's very important to have elements to link them to another character or to yourself - 'I see myself in them' is the best and easiest way to get you to love a character), but also each one of them has their identity clearly defined. But we have 15 characters in total, and even if some of them are mostly in the background (looking at the twins right now), it was not possible to introduce all at once (luckily, because I would never remember all their names in this case). I suppose it's one of the reasons for the switch of main character between the episodes (and since I'm a sucker for this type of thing, I'm in awe).

The first episode focus on Pang (of course it's our protagonist, our Percy Jackson - maybe I should dive in this later), but also introduce us, at least in the surface, to Nac, Wave, Namtarn, Ohm and Pom and give us hints on almost all of the others. Pang is at first shown to us as a voice-over, solidifying him as the narrator, even if we realize soon that what he says is for his webcam. The bit before the opening presents him like someone charismatic and determined, a teenager speaking about something than most people know, because they live or lived it. For the sake of this analysis/words vomit I will forget the introduction of the episode, with all the teasers for what's soon to come. So the Pang we meet later see himself as dumb: we saw him as a quick-witted boy, good to play innocent, a bit impertinent, not good at test and a bit pouty when he fails - but kind, at heart. A good kid. Through him we discover the school system in all its unfairness, and even if it's shown kinda jokingly, already the horror of it start to be apparent.

Pang for this bit is our introduction to the universe of the show, because we discover the rules with him. It's a pretty common way to lead the viewer or reader in a new universe (in Star Wars, the movie starts with Luke leaving his farm and discovering something else in the galaxy, Harry Potter is literally introduced to the magical world, the hobbits in lotr leave the little Shire to travel in the rest of the Middle Earth, ...). The important part it's that we can link the two: Pang, like the Gifted program, is more that we think at first. He is mostly more dangerous, and we have some clues of that with his first use of his potential - already in the first episode, already on Nac.

Pang's existence is also the first break in the system: him being both gifted and in 8th class is a paradox, and almost everyone seems not sure what to do with him (except Pom, maybe) him the first. He believes that he hasn't his place in the gifted program, and is really insecure about that.

Nac seems at first a nice friend. He is okay too help Pang with his plans (helping him with the phone and lying for him about his class at meal) and to share his room with him. He is also favorable to the school system (clearly because he is in the good side of the fence), even if he haven't a issue to bend or break the rules for his own advantage. His mask breaks when his friend (his dumb friend, to be precise) has better than him.

Nac has two uses in the narrative: he is an opposite mirror of Wave (in words and in attitude - where Wave is prickly, Nac is charming, but both of them use the same insult, leech, on Pang about his relationship with the other) and he is a trigger to Pang's potential. In fact he is probably the one Pang controls the most in the season (I don't remember if he uses his potential two or three time on him, so don't quote me on that, I will probably realize my mistake later on).

Wave - well, Wave is Wave. The first thing we see of him is in the classroom while Pang runs with the phone he takes back (remember, I don't cover the introduction's part here, because the first thing we see of him is, in fact, a background for a second during an exam and him punching Pang). He looks extremely bored, almost sleeping on his table (in contrast with Nac, on the same line than him, who drinks the teacher's words), until Pang literally break the studious ambiance, proving again that he is here to disturb the established order. Already we know that Wave doesn't feel the need to hide when something bore him, even if he is in a social situation where he should. He comes out like not good socially, arrogant and not the type to try to please.

His first interaction with Pang is a disaster (like no Wave, it's not how you flirt make a friend), and could place him on the school's side (symbolized by the ominous Ladda) even if we realize soon enough that the only side Wave chooses is his own. It leads again to a confrontation Nac/Wave, where Wave is defined as a solitary kid, in contrast with the sociable Nac. Nac himself establishes Wave as a mathematical/computer genius who takes pride in his intelligence (and the flashback, by focusing at first on Punn, gives us an hint of him as almost as intelligent than Wave - he raises his hand almost as fast but more politely - until we realize Wave doesn't write his answer. It tells us that Punn is clever, well-mannered and hard-working, and also that his relationship with Wave will be competitive but they are linked in a way or an other).

Him reveling the meaning of potentials just after Pang understood it and seemed ready to give the answer (even if it was in fact to ask to leave), is a proof that they could form a good team -or be the worst of enemies.

For Namtarn, lets first address the elephant in the room: I don't believe one instant the "romantic" interaction between Pang and her (cut to my mum telling "if it's how men and women interact in Thailand, their birth rate must be really low"). It's worst again in contrast with Claire and Punn, who are almost glued to the hips, or the friendship between Korn and Claire or Mon, or between Namtarn and Ohm. They tried romance, I see clumsy awkward people, and I can't believe it's not voluntarily.

Aside from that, Namtarn appears like perceptive, guessing who is Pang and that he is in the gifted class, a bit curious and nice, even if socially she's not the best (and I mean, yeah, they're 15-years-olds, so it's normal, like it's normal if some of them are cocky to the extreme). It could give us some clue about the fact that she grows up pretty sheltered, but it's maybe a stretch for my part.

Ohm first phrase is for asking a pen (does someone counted how many pens Ohm loses? It will be a fun statistic). He comes as the smiley-go-lucky kind of guy, telling everything that crosses his mind, putting his feet on his mouth every time he speaks. Also for the enigma posed by Pom he clearly doesn't know the answer and only raise his hand to follow the group.

Side question but why no one give him tissues? Boy nosebleeds every two minutes.

The first we see of Pom is when Pang and Nac try to steal the exam's results. His face stay in the shadow while we discover he is in charge of the exam. I feel obligated to point that we see his face a bit more after he drops his pen, and we know how much this pen is important for the rest of the plot (I'm realizing right now that it's in fact, a Chekhov's gun) . For his first apparition before the class, he has an image of a nice teacher, asking his students to call him by his nickname. Already we can link the metronome to him, since its in the classroom (since it's shown while Ohm has a nosebleed trying to resolve the rubik's cube, we can say it's linked to the potential too, but it's maybe a stretch).

To ends that, I want to point that the first plan where we see all the gifted class, when Pang enters, gives us a lot of information about the characters and their relationships together (It also puts us in Pang's shoes). We have the group Mon-Korn-Claire-Punn: Korn smile to Mon and Claire, Claire speaks to Mon and Korn before turning her head to Punn, her body already directed to him, Punn is separated to them since he sits on his table, but his body is turned in Claire's direction too. Namtarn is ready to take note, her back straight, while Ohm is slumped on his table and looks around. When we have a plan on each of them watching Pang, Mon's face is open and curious, Korn kinda shy away, Claire is disdainful, Punn is attentive, the twins gauge him (and already they have matching band-aids and Wave rolls his eyes so hard he clearly make it voluntarily.

#the gifted #the gifted the series #the gifted rewatch #the gifted episode 1 #analysis

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thisisawonderfulusername · 4 years

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let's save the world

season one, episode seven

five hargreeves x reader

summary: you, five, allison, and diego go to find out who harold jenkins is and to try and stop him, but that mission is cut short when you see that five is hurt

trigger warnings: cursing, some angst(?)

word count: 3k

a/n: this one’s a bit shorter, so i apologize for that, but there wasn’t as much action in this episode so i worked with what i had. i guess since it came out way quicker, that kind of makes up for it lol. anywho, enjoy!

“who the hell is harold jenkins?”

you watch as he throws the coffee cup behind him, dropping the briefcase to your side. “we don’t know.” five tells them, letting out a heavy breath.

“yet.” you quickly add on, running your fingers through your hair with a heavy sigh. “we don’t know who he is, yet.” you hoped three days would be enough to find out. “we do know that he’s responsible for the apocalypse. so we have to find him. and we have to do it now.”

“how is he connected to what’s going to happen?” luther asks, looking between the two of you. all of them were confused, and understandably so. after disappearing yesterday, you suddenly come back and know what to do to stop the end of the world. you would be confused too.

“we don’t know.” five says simply with a shrug of his shoulders. it was frustrating, not knowing anything but the name of who you needed to stop. there could be many harold jenkinses, all in their own little areas of the city. you only had three days to find out which one you needed to stop, though, and you couldn’t waste any of that time.

diego steps past his siblings, and you notice the sling holding his arm. that was new. “wait, so you only know this guy’s name?” he questions, “that’s it?”

“it’s all we need.” five responds, to which you nod in agreement.

diego isn’t so ready to believe you and just go with it. “there are probably dozens of harold jenkinses in this city.” pursing your lips at the obvious statement, you stay quiet for a moment.

“well, i guess we better start looking.” you breathe out, not wanting to deal with this any longer. it’s not like you have unlimited time to figure this out. you only had around seventy-two hours, and you weren’t even sure if that was enough.

allison crosses her arms over her chest, “i’m sorry, am i the only one that’s skeptical here?” she asks, everyone turning to look at her. “i mean, how exactly do you know all of this about what’s his name?”

“harold jenkins.” five reminds her, clearly just as annoyed as you. “you know those lunatics in masks who attacked the house?”

klaus scratches the back of his head, his nose scrunched up slightly. “oh, yeah, i think i remember those guys.”

“yeah, the ones that attacked us because they were looking for you guys.” diego says accusingly, nodding his head slightly. “and you know what? i have more questions about that night. specifically for you.” he points at you and you roll your eyes.

sighing heavily, you decide it would be best to just tell them everything to get it out of the way and stop wasting time. “fine,” you begin, stepping forward slightly, “i’m one of you guys. i’m pyrokinetic. which means i can control fire.” you look between them, lips pressed together into a thin line. “any questions?” diego is about to speak again but you cut him off, “no? okay, good. let’s get back to what’s actually important, yeah?”

“yes, that would be nice.” five agrees, leaning against the back of the couch. “those guys were sent by the temps commission to stop us from coming back and preventing the apocalypse.”

“the temps what?” allison asks, voicing the confusion that all of them had etched on their faces.

shaking your head, you begin to pace. “our former employer. they monitor all of time and space to make sure that whatever is meant to happen,” you pause for a moment, freezing your movement as you look to them, “happens.”

five nods, “they believe the apocalypse is coming in three days. so,” you begin your pacing once again, walking slowly around the couch, “we went to the commission headquarters and intercepted a message that was meant for the lunatics you met.”

“that message,” you tell them, sitting on the couch and facing them, “was what we gave you. ‘protect harold jenkins.’ if the commission wants him protected, he must be what causes the end of the world.”

it’s silent as the siblings look to the two of you, processing everything they had been told. then, all of a sudden, they all speak at once, asking too many questions to comprehend. the only thing that you really heard was allison’s remark about how insane all of this is.

“you know what else is insane?” five finally reached his breaking point, and you sigh softly as you hold your head in your hands. “we look thirteen again.” he simply says, “klaus talks to the dead, and luther thinks he’s fooling everybody with that overcoat.” he points at the two of them, before looking at all of them with narrowed eyes. “everything about us is insane. always has been.”

klaus lifts his head from the arm of the chair he’s sitting in, “he’s got a point there.”

ignoring the remark, five continues. “we didn’t choose this life.” he shrugs, “we’re just living it. for the next three days, at least.”

“the last time we tried to stop it, we all died.” allison argues, gesturing to the other siblings. “why is this time any different? why shouldn’t i go home to my daughter?”

groaning silently to yourself, you stand back up, “what’s different this time,” you speak through gritted teeth, “is that you have us.” you gesture between yourself and five, “we know what we’re doing, and we have the name of the guy we have to stop.”

“we have the chance to save the lives of billions of people.” five tells them, looking to allison. “including claire.”

there’s a moment of silence once again, and allison furrows her eyebrows. “you know her name?”

“i do.” he responds, nodding slightly. “i’d like to live long enough to meet her.”

looking between luther and diego, allison slowly nods as well. “alright. let’s get this bastard.”

diego also seems to be convinced. “you had me at gerald jenkins.” you roll your eyes at his mistake.

“harold. harold jenkins.” you correct, raising an eyebrow at him.

he shakes his head, “whatever. i’ve already lost two people this week. i’m not losing anyone else.”

“yes!” you cheer, raising a fist in the air. “yes! finally, you’re understanding.” you grin, clasping your hands together. “what about you, big guy?” you look to luther expectantly.

“you guys go.” he tells you as diego comes to stand by your side. “i’m going to go through dad’s files. i still think this has something to do with why he sent me to the moon.” one step forward, two back, apparently. you weren’t expecting luther to get it, but it was still quite annoying.

diego raises an eyebrow at him, “really? you’re making the end of the world about you and dad now?” he questions, clearly annoyed.

“no- he told me to watch for threats.” luther defends himself, “that’s not a coincidence. it all has to be connected somehow.”

allison steps to his side, trying to convince him that they need to stick together. you clap your hands together, “we don’t have the time for this. let him stay.”

“let’s roll.” diego instructs, “i know where we can find this asshole. klaus, you’re with me.”

everyone looks over to klaus as he sits up, “yeah, i’m good.” he renounces, pushing himself up from the chair. “i think i’ll pass. feeling a little... under the weather.” he leaves the room, abandoning the little mission you had created.

sighing softly, you follow as diego and five walk out of the room, ready to get this all done with and be finished with the task of stopping the end of the world.

finding harold jenkins was a lot easier than you thought it would be. turns out, diego being a vigilante actually helped out, since he was able to get the file of the man. apparently, allison recognized him, and he had been flirting around with vanya, and she didn’t even know his real name.

getting out of the car, you sigh softly. his house was just a normal house, in the middle of a small, normal neighborhood. nothing you would expect for someone who was going to end the world.

“be careful. we don’t know what peabody’s capable of.” allison warns as you all walk up the path to the house, which seemed to be empty at the moment. lucky timing, apparently.

diego brushed off her warning, “he didn’t seem dangerous when i saw him.” he dismisses, “looked kind of scrawny.”

“so are most mass murderers and serial killers.” she shoots back, gesturing to five, “look at him.”

“thanks.” he mutters.

“good point.” diego concurs, leading up the steps to the porch. “what’s this guy want with vanya?” he questions.

“no clue. why don’t we ask him once he’s dead?” you respond, giving a sarcastic grin.

diego holds out a hand to stop the both of you, and you sigh softly. “alright, i’m gonna-” he cuts himself off when he sees that allison wasn’t there anymore, sighing and rolling his eyes in exasperation. “it would be nice for people to just stick to the-”

he once again stops talking when five grabs your hand and you both disappear with a flash. now inside the house, you glance around, jumping slightly when you hear glass shattering, followed by diego groaning in pain.

walking past him to the door, you turn the handle, grinning slightly when it easily opened. “it was unlocked.” you inform him, allison chuckling beside you.

“my way works just fine.” he mutters in response, getting up from the glass covered floor. picking some of the shards off of his clothes, “spread out. yell if you, uh... you know, you’re in trouble.”

after watching him walk off, you shake your head and split up from the other two with a small wave as you go down the hallway next to the stairs. surprisingly, it was normal. nothing that an ordinary person wouldn’t have in their home- some pictures hanging on the walls, a small bathroom.

while you were rooting around, allison called for you guys from where she was upstairs, apparently finding something of importance. all of you quickly make your way up, seeing the hatch to the attic open.

taking a deep breath, you watch as the boys go up the ladder before following them up, seeing that the attic was decorated in an interesting fashion. umbrella academy decorations- figurines of them when they were kids, heads burned off, posters with their faces scratched out. this was definitely not normal.

“this guy’s got some serious issues.” diego mumbles, examining everything.

biting your lip, you look around a bit. “i don’t think he was ever interested in vanya.” you voice your thoughts slowly, “he was trying to get to you guys. call it a hunch.”

suddenly, there’s a thump, and when you look to your side, five had fallen to the ground. your eyes widen as you quickly crouch beside him. “what’s wrong? what happened?” he’s breathing heavily, and his lack of a response worries you to no end.

allison pulls his shirt up slightly when she sees the blood staining it, and she sees the shrapnel in his abdomen. “why didn’t you say anything?” diego questions him, raising an eyebrow.

“you need to keep going.” five breathes out, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the floor. “we’re so close.”

you’re shocked you don’t stop breathing when he loses consciousness. “shit.” you barely hear the crack in your voice, because all you hear is a ringing in your ears. “get him- get him in the car! we need to get him back to the academy-” you jump to your feet, and your legs feel like jelly, but you can’t stop for anything.

it felt like a blur, helping allison and diego get five down the stairs and into the car, where he laid across the seat with his head resting in your lap. the whole time, your heart was pumping so hard and it felt like you weren’t breathing for a good while. five was falling in and out of consciousness, and you kept your fingers on his wrist to reassure yourself that his heart was still beating.

when you finally got back into the academy, you all carried him in as quick as possible, and you felt as if you had calmed down, even just a little bit. sure, your heart still pounded in your chest and you had to work to control your breathing, but at least you could think rationally.

“we should’ve taken him to the hospital.” allison breathes out as you all shuffle across the floor, trying not to drop five onto the hard wood floors.

“a kid with a shrapnel wound might raise some questions.” five mumbles, and you sigh softly, relieved to know that he wasn’t dead just yet.

you all manage to get over to the couch and lay him down very carefully, “yeah, well, so does the murder shrine in harold jenkins’ attic.” allison shoots back, beginning to pull off her jacket, “he’s still losing blood. what do we do?”

“we gotta get the shrapnel out.” diego commands, looking up from the boy for a moment, before he seems to get distracted by something, walking off into the hall and not responding when allison calls out to him.

letting out a short breath, you hesitantly move away from five’s side, following where diego went to see what had him so distracted from something so important. you see grace, and diego looks confused, but you feel as if your heart just went soaring. she’ll be able to help five.

you sat in the silent room, picking at your nails as you stare at the equations all over the walls, things you could never understand no matter how hard you tried.

after getting grace’s help to remove the shrapnel and take care of the wound, you had calmed down significantly. your heart was no longer beating so fast that you could hear it, and you had controlled your breathing.

now, you sat, just waiting. allison and diego left to chase after another lead for where harold could be, and grace had left the room once five’s wound was clean. it was only you and him. and delores.

looking at the mannequin, you scrunch your nose up, tapping your fingers against your forearm. her lifeless eyes stared into your own, and you couldn’t stand it.

“what the hell are you looking at?” you hiss, glaring at the fake woman. it felt like she was mocking you, even if she wasn’t even alive. “you shouldn’t even be here. it’s not like you’re helping at all.”

you cross one leg over the other, leaning back in the chair you had claimed as you stared at her with narrowed eyes. “you’re just sitting there. you didn’t give him your blood, and you haven’t been the one helping him figure out how to stop the apocalypse. that’s all been me, not you.”

the silence is nearly deafening as you continue to stare into her eyes.

but you were a part of what got him here. you were a part of the reason he had shrapnel in his abdomen, causing this injury.

you sneer, lacing your fingers together and resting your hands on your knee. “i only set off a grenade. i didn’t put the shrapnel in him myself.”

silence, again. you realize then that you had been talking to the lifeless woman, and you groan loudly. all those years of solitude, you had been able to keep your sanity. now, it just may be slipping away.

“you’re only a mannequin.” you mutter, biting at your nail as you start to tap your foot. “soon enough, he’ll see that. he’ll realize that there are actual people around him, and it’ll be bye-bye delores!” you throw your hands up in the air, before you freeze in place.

quickly putting your arms down, you groan once again. “i am not going to do this.” you stand from the chair, moving around the bed and grabbing the plastic form, before throwing her into the wardrobe and shutting the doors on her. you sigh softly, “much better.”

taglists:

main: @horrorklaus

tua: @rasberrymay

five: @anapocalypseinmymind @five-hargreeves-official @insatiable-ivy @coffee-e-addict @xplrreylo

lstw: @ohmyitsfaith @xplrreylo @fandomfreakff @onedollarduck @sleepygal124 @faith-quake @stripedchickens @youcandalekmyballs @pettyjayy @libidinexx @wow-lookit-all-the-fandoms

#five hargreeves #number five #five #five hargreeves x reader #number five x reader #tua x reader #five hargreeves one shot #five hargreeves imagine #tua #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #oneshot series #reader insert #y/n #lstw #let's save the world

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ds-ts-smut-fics · 4 years

Text

Lovely Boys [Chapter One]

Summary: Janus and Logan are both in love with Remus, it’s just a matter of who can convince Remus of their feelings first.

Trigger warnings: NSFW, real hardcore insecurity, not the healthiest habits, rough sex, being caught (kind of, they’re not walked in on), mention of abusive and negligent past exes who neglected proper BDSM rules, some very rude degrading self talk, sl*t as an endearing term

Genre: Hurt/Comfort smut (Sub Remus, dom Logan, switch Janus), intruloceit

Written by: Virgil & Claire

Edited by: Virgil

A/N: This is completely written, so unlike Sweet On You, the whole thing should be posted relatively quickly/consistently lmao. We set out to write a quick one shot and then wrote an angsty 40 pages. ~Virgil

Remus fell in love with Janus the moment they moved in together.

He walked through the door with his arms loaded with half-closed luggage, and when he saw the man standing in the kitchenette, he realized what a mistake he had made responding to the ad. He was thin, with vitiligo paling his otherwise tan skin. His hair was dyed yellow, with floofy bangs that hung in his gray eyes.

Without looking back, Janus hummed softly. "Hello, you're certainly not welcome… Come in and put your things down? You would be Remus, I presume."

Remus cleared his throat and tried not to stumble over his words. “Yep!” He kicked the door shut and dropped his luggages with a loud clatter. “Yeah, that’s me, Remus. You’re, uh, you’re not Janus, are you?” Surely this was Janus’ super hot boyfriend— Not someone Remus had to converse with regularly without imagining him… Just, never mind.

"I am… I hope you weren't expecting a female…" A frown crossed his face as he turned, showing black painted nails as he tapped his cracked lips. "That would be unfortunate indeed."

Remus coughed. He was, actually. “That’s not the problem here,” he said cheerfully, quickly averting his gaze from Janus’ nails, his mouth. “The ad sure didn’t warn me I’d have to be able to withstand sexy roommate syndrome.”

Surprised laughter bubbled from his lips as he leaned on the counter. "Oh, my… You're quite a charmer, aren't you? At least you didn't run. I promise not to bite unless asked~?"

Remus shuddered. “Which way’s my room?” He squeaked. Don’t pounce your new roommate. Real shitty first impression.

Waving him to follow, he labeled the rooms, opening Remus' door for him. "I do hope you're not afraid of snakes, or the gays~?"

“Snakes?” Remus grinned and bounced after him. “You have snakes?!”

Nodding, he smiled. "I shall introduce you after you unpack and we eat dinner?"

Remus flushed dark red. “You want me to eat with you?” His voice came out a little more subdued.

Janus nodded with a frown. "Yes? It's rather important to me to make sure people I know are taking care of themselves— Just ask the debate team! I bring snacks and water to every practice debate."

“Well…” Remus straightened up with a grin. “Then I’ll help cook!”

Remus rushed back to the front door and grabbed one of his overstuffed suitcases, which had bursted open upon impact, and dragged it towards his room. Dirty laundry, lewd comics, and crinkled sketchbooks trailed behind.

Picking up after him, Janus nodded. "That sounds entirely doable…. Split the food budget and alternate dish duty then?"

“Mhm!”

Remus got all of his shit into his room, and throughout dinner, he had somehow managed to not slobber all over everywhere staring at Janus. He wasn’t… Entirely prepared for his roommate to be so hot and so gay. So he had fallen pretty fast, and then tucked away any notion of his feelings being returned. For safety.

That was pretty simple, until he met Logan.

Frowning softly, Logan nearly ran over someone in the sidewalk, stumbling and holding his bag. "Terribly sorry… Do you know where 241 is?"

Remus brightened up. He’d had a pretty shitty morning, what with walking into the kitchenette to find Janus shirtless and somehow Remus spilled hot bacon grease on him, but this boy was extremely cute. Any excuse to get his mind off the embarrassment!

“I sure do!” A predatory grin slid over Remus’ face as he squinted up at him, the sun in his eyes. “Headed there right now, why don’t I escort you and keep you safe from all the assholes headed that way?”

"A capital idea indeed… Would that indicate that you are also taking anatomy lab at this time?" Falling into step with the smaller boy, a small smile tugged at his lips. He's too cute… That streak in his hair, the mustache. I want to know how that would feel. Oh, dear.

“Mhm!” Remus’s cheery voice, and his arm wrapping around Logan’s, broke him out of his daze. “Right now and later tonight if you’re up for it!”

Blushing, he nodded. "Perhaps… See if you can keep up with me as a lab partner and then we can see if you're still up for more~?"

Remus looked up in surprise. His shitty pickup lines never worked! He laughed a bit. “Are you shitting me?”

"If you are truthfully asking and can put up with my, admittedly very dominating, personality, I see no reason to not try at least a one night arrangement. Unless you were joking and are in fact straight?" He tipped his head gently with a smirk.

Remus shivered in excitement. When was the last time he was dommed? He ruffled Logan’s hair and giggled. “I can handle you if you can handle me!” He yanked him into class, picking the seat next to Logan and glaring at anyone who tries to sit near them.

Laughing lightly, Logan hummed, setting up his workspace carefully and nudging Remus to do the same. "Focus, show me how well you take direction. Think of it as an interview for the position you desire~?"

Remus grinned. It was the slyest, shittiest way anyone’s ever convinced him to do his classwork, and he loved it. He couldn’t help going home that day with the biggest grin, rushing around to make sure everything’s ready for Logan’s arrival.

Logan had a bounce in his step as he collected some supplies before coming over at precisely the time they had discussed, knocking.

Remus threw the door open with a manic grin. “My roommate won’t be home for a few hours,” he said as he grabbed Logan by his shirt and yanked him inside. “Do what you will with that. Bedroom’s this way.”

Chuckling, Logan tugged Remus around to stroke his face. "Mmm, then shouldn't you kiss me, Rem~? Show me how much you want to study with me…"

“Anything you say,” he whispered, and shoved their mouths together.

Remus hadn’t kissed anybody in a long time— Several years, in fact. He was probably sloppy, and not the best, but he enjoyed it and fully intended on making it up to Logan with his… Obedience.

Sighing, Logan took him into his hand, guiding their kiss to press him into the nearest wall, encouraging his mouth to open and humming appreciatively at the taste of mint. Remus whimpered softly. He almost wouldn’t mind just doing this until Janus gets home. Logan was more commanding than Remus had really expected, manhandling him around exactly how he wanted, and the way he kissed is nothing short of wonderful.

Slowly pulling back, Logan cupped his face with a soft look. "Such a good boy for me… Show me to your room, I want to see all of you, my dear. Tell me your safe words, hmm? Also, you preferred term of endearment while you are mine~"

Remus groaned and nearly buckled. “Slut,” he said instantly. “And, uh, colour system. This way.” He tugged Logan into his room with shaking hands. It was cleaner than usual, but Remus was still Remus, and there was clutter spread about that he simply hadn’t thought of until then.

Chuckling, he hums. "Perfect… my little slut~!" Giving another deep kiss in praise, he gently spanked Remus' ass. "Put some music on and strip for me, show your dom what he's working with~"

Remus hurried to plug his phone into his speakers with an excited grin.

Sitting on the bed, he hummed. "Make me want that ass more, my slut… "

Remus stripped for him, and it wasn’t exactly a tease so much as it was Remus impatiently tugging off his clothes and looking at Logan with wide, validation-seeking eyes.

Sliding his legs apart, showing the erection tenting his pants, Logan crooked his fingers. "Good boy… Help me out of my pants and you can suck me as a treat, my lovely one… I'm finishing in your sexy ass, though~ "

Remus bounded over and knelt between Logan’s legs, impatiently tugging at his jeans. He got them down to Logan’s knees, yanked his boxers down as well, and ducked down to take Logan into his mouth.

"Oh~!" Fingers tangled in the surprisingly soft hair, he moaned out. "Fuck, Remus~! Such a good little slut, aren't you~"

Remus whimpered around his cock, wanting to respond but not daring to pull off. Instead, he pushed deeper, taking all of him.

"Yes, you are… Swallow too, Rem… Want to fuck your throat~" Tugging at his hair, he guided the motion to slowly fuck his mouth.

Remus moaned happily and swallowed every few seconds, though mostly drool dripped down his chin. He let his mind float off, gripping Logan’s hips. Had he ever been in subspace before? He didn’t think so.

Humming, Logan grinned as Remus relaxed, taking over completely to fuck into his throat. "Such a good little slut… Earning a treat before the main event~"

Remus mumbled something unintelligible around Logan’s cock, eyes rolling back.

"Tap once for yes, two for no… Your mouth is full~!" Taking him deeper, he hummed, cutting off Remus' air a little more. Remus gagged and rubbed his cock against the blankets, hips stuttering. He tapped hard, once. Logan grinned, thrusting faster. "Going to cum for master, my slut~? Only after I feed you the treat you've earned… Master cums first unless you have permission~!"

Remus whined and tapped along Logan’s hips in two-tap intervals, hips hunching.

"You beg so prettily… How can I refuse~? Cum for me, Remus~ " Using his mouth and throat, he moaned out, watching Remus fall apart.

Remus sobbed out as he came, nails digging into Logan’s hips. He didn’t pull off, as much as his throat spasmed and his back ached.

Stroking the soft hair, Logan moaned, tugging to warn Remus as he came hard. "Oh, fuuuuck~"

Remus inhaled sharply and nearly choked, but forced himself to swallow it down with watery eyes, his cock already hardening back up.

Petting him in apology, Logan moaned out, "Sorry, my slut… Couldn't hold back with the way you came apart for me~!"

Remus leaned into his pets with a little whine. “It was good,” he rasped, “I liked it.”

Stroking Remus' face, he wiped away the tears, encouraging him up to his lap. "I'm glad… "

Remus kissed him sloppily, hands rested on his chest. “Need you, master,” he mewled.

Kissing back, he grinned, petting the wiggling sub. "Mmm, let me get a condom and finish stripping as you present for me, sweetie… I'll let you pick whether you see me or I take you from behind~"

Remus bounced out of his lap with an excited giggle, flopping onto his tummy and tucking his knees underneath him. It was the best position he’d ever tried— He’d never felt anyone deeper.

Logan laughed as he saw the plug, giving Remus a squeeze. "Good boy… Do you always wear the plug or is that special for tonight~?"

He flushed deep red. He’d honestly forgotten he had it in… “Mostly just for tonight, but, um… Sometimes, you know…”

Nodding, he stroked the amazing ass presented to him, sliding on a condom and kneeling up. "You need to feel full, claimed? It's okay, my slut…"

Remus clenched and forced up a manic grin to push away the tightness in his chest. “Nah, I’m just a cockslut! Get going?”

Humming, he slid his cock over Remus' crack, teasing the plug as he tugs his hair to pull him into a kiss. "Mmm, it's okay if it's both, Rem… I'm definitely down for this to be a repeatable event if you are~ "

Remus can’t help it slip out, in a pathetic little whimper: “I’ve been that good?”

"Yes, Rem…. so good~" Removing the plug as they make out, he pressed in slowly.

Remus whimpered and buried his face in the pillows. “Ah… Yes, master, so good!”

Kissing at Remus’ neck, he took the slim hips with a moan, slowly bottoming out and starting to thrust. "So good for me, my pretty slut~! Oh, Remus~ "

“Master!” Remus cried out, thrusting back against him. “Master, harder!”

Growling, he nipped at Remus' neck, thrusts speeding as his fingers tighten on Remus' hips, bucking into him wildly. "Fuuuck, oh yesss… take my cock, slut~!"

Remus’s legs fell open and he sobbed into the pillow, coming without warning with a little shout.

Nipping his ear, Logan growled, fucking him through the high without pause. "Mmm, that good, hmm~? Break for me, slut… Shout my name for the entire building to hear~!"

“Logan!” He whined, squirming and gripping onto the sheets. “Ah, Logan, please! Too- Too much!”

Bending to press deeper, Logan chuckled in his ear. "Unless you use a color you will take it exactly as I give it to you, slut~!"

Remus let out a high whine and thrusted back into him wildly. “I’m sorry, master!”

"That's a good boy~! Submit to your master, slut… " Working him to that edge again, he eased back when he felt those clenches. "You're mine for as long as I desire to give you my cock and attention~!"

Remus drooled on the pillow as he took Logan’s cock, whimpering. He’d lay himself out for Logan every ten minutes if he asked him to. He realized with a deep fear settling in his stomach that he would do absolutely anything for Logan, just to keep him around.

Nuzzling his neck and shoulders, Logan spanked him. "Stay in the now even when you're floating, slut… focus~!"

“Sorry,” he gasped, “I’m sorry, master!”

Taking a moment to kiss his ear, Logan hummed. "I know…. Just don't want to lose you to the past or bad thoughts… Stay here, feel good with me, Rem~!"

“Yes, sir! It’s so good! Can I please come again, please please?”

Grinning, he sped his thrusts again. "Clench for me, make me cum and you can cum with me, Rem~"

Remus clenched down with a whimper, the pillow under his face soaking wet.

Moaning out, Logan thumbed him open wider, watching him take his cock deep. "On three, pet…. One… Two…" Remus gasped and fought desperately to hold on. Pressing in deep, he slammed against Remus’ prostate, and came with a moan. "Three~"

Remus came with a sob and a shout of Logan’s name and title, pressing his face deep in the pillow.

Janus paused with his hand on their front doorknob. Logan…? Is that Remus?!

Logan moaned out and grinned, burning the noise and feeling of Remus coming, laid out under him, into his memory as he filled the condom. He kissed and marked Remus up, hips slowly moving to ride the high. "Oh, gods! Remus, such a good boy~"

Remus moaned brokenly, his knees giving out to leave him flat on the mattress. “Master,” he managed.

Logan stroked Remus' face and tipped it for a kiss, shifting their positions to settle him in his lap after pulling out and discarding the condom. "Good boy, such a good boy… So proud of you! Show master where the water is, sweetie?"

“Kitchen,” he mumbled, blushing bright red at the praise. “You can just leave me at the table, I can take care of it.”

Frowning, he shook his head, picking him up for more cuddles and heading for the bathroom instead. "No… You're worthy of aftercare, my dear one…"

“What?” Remus buried his face in Logan’s shoulder. “You don’t have to. I can handle it.”

Petting him with a hum as he filled a glass, he smiled. "Remus… Look at me? I would be a terrible dom of I EVER left a sub without aftercare… and I am not that kind of person. You are worthy, and you were such an amazing boy for me!"

Remus covered his face. “Thank you, master,” he whispered.

Nuzzling, he smiled. "You're welcome… Show me your face, dear? You need to drink some water…"

Remus obeyed, drinking all the water Logan gave him. He didn’t realize how dry his throat was.

Stroking his cheek, he smiled, refilling the glass and offering it again. "Good… More. Relax into me, sweetie… Enjoy the care…"

Remus had never had aftercare before. He decided he enjoyed it. “Yes, sir,” he mumbled, sipping some more water. Then, as quietly as possible, “I’m hungry…”

Nuzzling, he smiled. "In a moment, dear…" Taking a cloth, he dampened it, cleaning them up a bit. "I know you said your roommate was unlikely to return, but… at least a blanket for you?”

“He’s seen me naked before. I sleep naked, and sleepwalk.”

Chuckling, he nuzzled lightly. "Mmm, for me then? Warmth and softness feels good as you come back to earth after a session, dear."

“Yes, sir.” He blushed and nuzzled back into him. “Anything you want.”

Heart clenching, he sighed. "You're so sweet…" Lifting again, he carried Remus back to retrieve a blanket, making him into a burrito. "Tell me what you're hungry for?"

“Waffles,” he said instantly. “I have frozen ones in the freezer. They’re blueberry.”

Nodding, he scooped Remus into his arms after slipping his boxers on, missing the sound of the other bedroom door shutting carefully. "Waffles it is, then. Butter, syrup? Perhaps some time I can make you fresh ones~?"

“We don’t have a waffle maker,” Remus said sadly.

Humming, he lifted his chin. "Ah, but I do… That was an invitation to my place, for next time~"

He lit up. “Okay!” He grinned and pecked his lips. “Sure!”

Kissing back softly, Logan laughed, and got started making the waffles. "Wonderful! You're entirely too precious to be just one night… "

Remus sniffled and forces his grin to stay up. “No… You’re probably just desperate.” He laughed. “I’m an easy fuck, you don’t have to pretend I’m not!”

"Remus…" Cupping his face, he sighed. "Was it easy to see that we had a common interest in hooking up, yes… However, I also admire your keen mind. I was attracted right off the bat, but I would like to see more of you. As friends, or friends with benefits, or more if that's where the path leads us…"

Remus’ grin faltered as he met Logan’s eyes. It took all he has not to burst into tears— What a shitty, pathetic way that’d be to end their night. “Do you wanna… Sleep over?”

Gathering him into a hug, he smiled. "If your roommate is okay with it, sure. How about a movie night and cuddles?"

He grinned. “I have a lot of movies! I’m sure Jan-Jan won’t mind, he’s super laid back.”

Arching an eyebrow, he chuckled. "Must be if he lets you call him that… But I have an idea that you'd call him nicknames even if he said not to?"

Remus pouted. “Nicknames are my love language.” He hesitated, fiddling with his fingers. “Do you… Not want me to call you nicknames?”

Humming, he lifted Remus' face. "Don't magnify my fond tease to an expression of dislike, Rem… I don't mind one bit!"

Janus listened near the door of his room, debating on going to the kitchen as his stomach twisted into knots. What is this feeling… Jealousy, but of whom?!

“Okay,” he mumbled with a cute smile. His stomach growled loudly.

Chuckling as the toaster sprung the waffles up, he stole a kiss. "Now… Butter, syrup, or both… And yes I will be cutting them up and feeding you while you sit on my lap, my pretty little one!"

He blushed bright red. “Y-yes, sir… Both, please…”

Logan slathered them up, cutting them for him as he slid Remus over into his lap. "Looks good, hmm? Open up!" Remus opened, hands rested on Logan’s chest. Logan smiled as he fed him gently. "Such a good boy!"

“No,” Remus whined. “Nuh-uh.”

Kissing his cheek, he smiled sadly. "Why not?"

Remus looked away with a little shrug. “You’ve seen it.”

Tipping his chin back to feed another bite, he hummed. "Pretend I'm an idiot. Explain to me why you're not a good boy deserving of praise?"

Remus hesitated. “Do I have to?” He asked in a small voice.

"No, you don't have to… I'm too curious for my own good sometimes." He stroked Remus’ cheek. "However, if you want to talk about things, I will listen. I’ll try to make you feel better."

For the millionth time that night, Remus could cry. “Shut up,” he mumbled with a sniffle.

Smiling, he cuddled Remus close. "It is okay to use me as a literal shoulder to cry on, Rem… No judgement."

“I don’t need to cry,” he insisted.

Breathing out, Janus decided to make his presence known, stepping into the kitchen as if summoned by the lie. "Whyever wouldn't you? Crying is healthy and a good release…"

Jumping a little, Logan cleared his throat. "Indeed…" Janus is his roommate? Oh, gosh.

Remus’ heart dropped. “Jan-Jan? When- How long have you been home?” His skin crawled in embarrassment. The dried tears still stuck to his face from earlier, wrapped in a blanket, and sat on a boy’s lap… He probably looked pathetic.

Smiling, Janus stroked his hair lightly. "Mmm, if you're asking if I heard you two making friends… I did… I'm a tad jealous, he's cute…"

Logan blushed softly. "Remus is adorable indeed…"

Remus’ face turned bright red. He buried his face in Logan’s shoulder. “Sorry, Janus… We wouldn’t have been so loud if we knew you were home.”

Logan pet him softly, embarrassed, but chose to focus on Remus, helping him hide.

Janus sighs softly, flushing lightly. "Remus… It's okay. Truly.” Then, he mumbled, “It covered up my moans nicely…"

Remus blinked. “Huh?”

Logan chuckled. "I believe we gave him, uh, motivation to touch himself, my dear…."

Janus nodded, blush deepening. "The nerd's right… "

It didn’t quite compute in Remus’ head, until he forced it to make sense with a nod. “Logan is a really good dom, isn’t he?” He blushed and looked up at Logan. He was so handsome, and hot, and commanding… He didn’t blame Janus for wanting him, too.

Janus resisted the urge to facepalm. "He did seem to elicit quite a reaction from you…" Damnit, you dense man! I wanted to be him, not fuck him!!

Logan laughed softly. Oh my… Janus has a crush on Remus…

“He made me waffles,” Remus said with a delighted grin. “And he’s been really sweet afterwards… If you two hit it off, maybe he can make you feel good, too, Jan-Jan! Have you ever had aftercare before?”

“You- You’ve never had aftercare before?! How?!” Janus tripped over his words, looking over Remus and stroking through his hair. “We can get a waffle maker… Do you want more?”

Logan muffled a laugh, stealing a bite before offering Remus more. "I know, right? I want to find those negligent doms…"

Together they finished with a low growl, "-and beat some sense into them!"

Remus, startled, looked between the two of them and wilted. “Is it… A common thing?” He managed.

Cuddling Remus, Logan nodded. "It is supposed to be… As it was explained to me, a dominant partner takes the power gifted by the submissive to make their scene reality, but aftercare is the return of that power?"

Janus nodded. "It also gives the pair time to relax, make sure that both are okay? Especially if there was a lot of degrading language or impact play, sometimes a dom needs reassurance that they didn't go too hard, and the sub is truly okay."

Remus nodded slowly. He wanted to explain that he didn’t need that, not really… But he didn’t want to. He yawned and curled into Logan’s chest, nuzzling up under his chin.

Smiling, Logan petted his hair and offered another bite of waffle. "Even if you think that you don't need it, it's a good thing for both scene partners, Rem."

“Mm,” he mumbled. “Jan-Jan, we were gonna watch some movies, do you want to join? You don’t have any early classes tomorrow, do you?” Remus glanced at the clock. It was getting close to 11.

Janus hummed thoughtfully. "I have a ten o'clock… But I think one movie would be alright."

“Yay!” Remus doubted he could even stay awake for longer than one movie, so that was perfect. He nuzzled into Logan again then stood on wobbly legs, and nearly fell over.

Logan chuckled and scooped him up with a soft kiss. "I think I broke your legs, Rem~!"

He giggled and blushed, looking over at Janus. “Whoops.” This is so embarrassing… What does Janus think of me now?

Janus snorted, reaching over to stroke Remus' cheek. "It is a good look on him…. Being cared for. Just relax, Remus… I'll make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

If Remus could blush brighter, he would. Since moving in with Janus, he had seen every form of not-self care Remus took part in, ranging anywhere from unhealthy meals, skipping classes, and degrading comments about himself. Janus always made a fuss, but Remus didn’t think he meant it that strongly.

Nodding, Janus grabbed a blanket and the remote, working with a blushing Logan to get them settled with Remus in the middle, draped over Logan's chest. "Indeed… you just lay on me and relax, Rem…"

“Yes, sir,” he breathed before he could really think about it, eyes fluttering shut as he snuggled into Logan’s chest.

Logan's heart squeezed as he kissed Remus on the head, not noticing Janus frown in jealousy. Why is it him that gets you to relax and take my advice on care… Remus, why not me?!!

Remus only lasted halfway through the movie before passing out, little snores blowing out his mouth.

Janus inspected his nails, refusing to let his anger seep into his hushed voice as he asked, “So I assume you guys are dating now?”

Stiffening, Logan finished tucking Remus into bed and turned, voice cold and hushed. "Shall we discuss in the living room so we won't disturb him?"

Janus rolled his eyes but obeyed, leading Logan into the kitchenette and starting on a mug of coffee.

Following after retrieving his clothes and dressing, Logan took a mug and sipped. "We hadn't discussed anything like that… And I don't think he's ready. He was certain that this was a one night hookup and that I would leave after. I intend to work up to at least friends with benefits, but I assume you want him as well?"

Janus stiffened. “Remus is my best friend, nothing more. Wouldn’t dating him prove that he’s more than just a hookup to you? What do you mean ‘he’s not ready?’” He scoffed. “I see the way he looks at you— Hell, I see the way he looks at everyone. He’s just waiting for a boyfriend to drop into his lap. Are you sure it’s him that’s not ready, or were you just not prepared for the commitment?”

Growling softly, Logan's fingers tightened on the mug. "He's not emotionally ready… I wouldn't want to take advantage of that raw need! Do I want him to be mine, definitely! He's a lovely submissive, but he didn't even know about aftercare! He needs friends first, an education on what it would mean for him… I want his informed consent, not a moldable puppet, Janus!"

Janus didn’t seem convinced. “And somehow you believe that’s impossible to do in a committed relationship… That’s fine. Keep dragging him along. I’ll be here when you’re not.”

Logan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine, I'm terrified that I'm not enough for him. I saw how he looked at you, too… You can't tell me that he doesn't want both of us!"

Janus looked at him in surprise, then sighed as well. “Don’t fool yourself, Logan. He wants anybody who gives him the smallest bit of attention. He doesn’t actually want either of us.”

He tapped the table with a deep frown. "That's a fair observation… Hence my reservation to commit and then have him run to the next person. However, if it were you, I wouldn't mind sharing, perhaps."

Janus’s face turned pink. He sipped his coffee and then turned away, busying himself with cleaning up. “You don’t have to say that. He chose you.”

Smirking, he smacked Janus’ ass lightly. "Perhaps…. I can't say I haven't looked at you, either~!"

Janus whipped around with a jump, face red. For the first time since Logan’s met him, he was flustered. “Wh- What?”

Adjusting his glasses, he hummed. "I had assumed you were far too dominant to attempt to obtain, but now I'm uncertain. Remus believed you were jealous of him…"

Janus crossed his arms over his chest and sneered. “Remus is an idiot. He’s the most dense man I’ve ever met.”

"Is he? Or is that you?" Stepping in closer, he watched the reactions of the other man as he closed him in against the counter.

Janus’s eyes flitter around, landing on somewhere close to Remus’ room. “What does it matter? Has Remus told you he’s okay with not being exclusive?”

"We didn't discuss our relationship as yet… I know I'm poly and pan… But I need to talk with him. If he agrees, what say you, Jan-Jan~?" Reaching out, he stroked Janus' cheek softly.

Janus barely stopped himself from melting into the touch. “We’ll see,” he mumbled, looking away.

"Agreed, but know that I'm open to the idea?" Petting softly when he doesn't get a flinch, he smiled.

Janus brushed his hand off and stepped away. “You should get back to him,” he murmured. “He’ll freak if he wakes up.”

Nodding, he stepped back, heading back to Remus. "Sleep well, Janus…"

“Thanks,” he muttered, and hurried to his room.

When Logan went back into Remus’ room, Remus shot upwards and poorly tried to wipe away the tears before they could be seen. “Jan-?”

"Oh, dear…" Sliding into the bed after sliding out of his clothes, he hummed, taking Remus in his arms. "I'm sorry, Rem, I believed you to be asleep and didn't want to bother your rest."

Remus snuggled into his chest. “I’m okay,” he promised. His face was still wet. “I thought you left?”

"I promised to stay the night, dear… Janus simply wanted a chat." Stroking his hair, he encouraged Remus to cuddle, wiping the tears.

“Oh…” Remus kissed his cheek. “I hope you’re getting along. Janus is my best friend.”

Smiling, he nuzzled lightly. "I know, dear… He was very concerned about us, this, uh, relationship… What do you want us to be, my dear?"

Remus hesitated. “I want whatever you want.”

He stroked Remus’ hair as he thought. "I don't want to take advantage of you… You're beautiful, and I want to take care of you, but I worry that you need more balance than a one on one relationship. Now, I am polyamoirous and pansexual, so… you simply need to communicate your needs. Do you want me to be your dominant, your boyfriend?"

Butterflies practically exploded in Remus’ stomach. “You want to be boyfriends?” He asked excitedly.

Cupping his face, he smiled and lifted Remus’ to meet his eyes. "I would be honored to be your boyfriend, Remus,” he said firmly, “if you'll have me?"

Remus nodded frantically, and kissed Logan messily. Kissing back with equal fervor, Logan’s fingers slid into his hair to guide the kiss. Mine~

Remus whimpered and wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist. “I’m so glad I met you,” he breathed out.

Snuggling Remus close, he nodded, kissing his forehead. "Me too, my precious."

Remus fell asleep in his arms, smiling.

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#janus sanders #sympathetic deceit #logan sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #intruloceit #intrulogical #loceit #dukeceit #sub remus #dom logan #switch janus #sub janus #dom janus #lovely boys #not safe for sanders #ds writes

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technomaestro · 3 years

Note

Oh? Tell us about the characters on that list then

*slaps character sheet* this bad boy can fit so much of my own repressed trauma in it

This one could be fuckin *all* of them, but it's probably Kelarvia Arana, aka Kel. Poor dwarven fighter exile from Orzamar who turned to the Qun, was trained wrong as a spy, failed her family, failed the qun, failed her friends, and kept trying to do right. She was... not bright. She took a face full of acid breath for her troubles, got repeatedly stabbed by everyone around her, and still kept fucking trying. She was not in a great place by the end of that campaign.

Closeted Trans Person Gender Envy Character™

So, while I'm very much cis, I did toy around with the idea of genderfluidity and transness at one point. And the closest character to that would have been a major NPC that I had in my pokemon game, Claire deVire. She was a literal illusionist / Fairy Type mage, and honestly one of my favorite NPCs to use in the game. I played her as a confident and experienced trainer who had an air of mystery, was clever and flirtatious, and who had a very accomplished team including trans icon Sylveon. She is/was one of the main *villains* of the campaign, but that's besides the point. If I was a girl, she's who I'd want to be - but I'm pretty solid in my gender at this point.

sexy

That would be Lucas Maignard, the Silver Lion. Not just your average silver fox, but a nobleman who absolutely could rock it. Think Rollo from Vikings except salt and pepper hair. He was power hungry, a staunch revanchist of his family's ancestral title and he would go to every length it took to reclaim it, including trying to seduce the King's consort. He, notably, caused at least one if not more international incidents by insulting the soccer abilities of a neighboring kingdom.

He may have had the highest charisma of any character I've played.

idealized version of myself

Allow me to introduce you to Broderic Gullet, a 6'6 tall constantly drunken scotsman Barbarian with a hammer who was unkillable. Literally - he actually died at one point and came back to life because he was too damn stubborn to leave before his friends had gotten to safety, and some passing spirit possessed him and turned him into an abomination. He was jovial, friendly, could talk to his cat Mr. Pickles, and wonderfully buff enough he could hug all his friends at once. Plus he was a trained chef.

As Fruity And Extra As Possible

Oh this is easy. The Satyr Diplomat Cheldric delWolpertinger, a man who *honestly* should have read the recommended reading before being sent to deliver very important documents (these were actually talking frogs!). He was supposed to board a new train on the mountainous passage to Westport, but forgot his ticket. When the train left, he literally jumped (and I mean I cast "jump" and specifically was a Satyr for their Mirthful Leaps feature which adds 1d8 to my jump distance) onto the back of the train. Unfortunately, the murder of the conductor was a bit of an issue, but Cheldric and some other passengers put their heads together to solve the mystery.

furry

So, allow me to set the stage for Albie, Traitor to Crowkind. A Kenku that was as much benefit to the party as he was walking, curse triggering hazard, this absolute buffoon would do what he could to simultaneously help the party while also doing his best not to piss of Strahd too much. A lighting bolt cast into the middle of melee that hit everyone totally gives him plausible deniability for who survives.

I think my favorite memory though is when one of the other party members just opened his beak and he started reciting the Book of Strahd like Stitch plays that record in Lilo & Stitch

A good runner up here would also be Nilbo, a Kobold Druid who only became a druid because it let him wild shape into progressively bigger lizards and dinosaurs. No other animals, just scales.

I Saw One Of The Extra Fantasy Races That Aren’t In The Player’s Handbook And Almost Had A Stroke

Listen. Listen to me. I fucking love Warforged. I will *always* go to bat for magical robots. They're amazing and I've played so many, from psions to storm domain clerics to the most recent one, Hymn, a gender-neutral Celestial Pact Warlock Warforged who got his abilities because he was a socialist. No, I'm not joking - he was made for usage by the Church of the Sovereign Host, but when a wandering heretical priest came by wondering why the church didn't do more, Hymn started going out at night to perform direct action and mutual aid. Being not that smart, he accidentally wandered into a cult's base and released a captive celestial, who gifted him the power to help more.

a race + class that typically would not go together

I'm of a tossup here - the Halfling Artificer Posco Harfoot, who was a member of the Justicars and in order to even the playing field, built himself a goddamn magitek mech in order to go toe to toe with the other peacekeepers, or of Tiberius Vanderwhinn, an elven Path of the Zealot barbarian who was *extremely* keen on getting his libraries late fees sorted, and gods help you if you dared shout in his library.

sexy criminal

Very few things are sexier than a tiefling, and that would be Boreo Lieran, the Tiefling Bard. Boreo was a staunch contender for the "As fruity as possible" but this pansexual beast is much more in line here because the man seduced half the party prior to or during session 1. Having a prehensile tail and the ability to pick up the gnome lass in the party by it for him to tease probably helped.

Of course, such a man was hilariously illegal, because not only did he smuggle and steal like, 90% of his luxury goods that he used to pamper himself with, he would absolutely flaunt a total disregard for property rights and find himself making grand entrances into peoples homes and lives as part of his wayward caravan, leaving a trail of chaos in his wake.

himbo

One of the more recent characters I've played. Cadmus, Son of Abraxes! A "human" wizard on the plane of Theros, this man is the half-divine son of the literal personification of the pride of a polis that was wiped off the face of the world by the gods for their Hubris. So, an active devotee of the god of victory, and actively blaspheming the goddess of destiny at every turn (As he would put it, we hold the pen in our hands, she merely hoards the ink), his goal was to perform deeds good enough to earn a place as a constellation under the stars. He would only *ever* sleep outside at night, even in cities, because he wanted to rest with them as he knew one day he would for eternity.

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ofclaires · 3 years

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IV. CLAIRE WALSH

PAST SELF PARAS: april 2020 / september 2020 / march 2021.

hi, before the read more i just wanted to say THANK YOU. getting to play claire has been absolutely a treat, a challenge, and genuinely, a huge part of my life for the past year and a half or so. it occurred to me when writing this and looking back at other things i’ve written for claire that i didn’t just feel like i was writing this for myself or for claire ; but i was writing it for you guys, too ! that has been one of the most special things about gallagher for me is the writing community that i feel like we built, taking such a huge investment in our characters and everyone else’s writing. i feel like i’m writing with and for some of my best friends. i also feel like i’ve grown so much ( ok, i actually don’t just feel like it, i can look back at those three paras and SEE how my writing has improved. ) i am so blessed to have gotten to write claire with all of you and to share her story, i feel like she has been so fucking beloved & it’s given her so much life. i am so proud of her and it’s really bittersweet that i’m finally saying goodbye to her as well. so, thank you all so, so much, gallagher has been a writing experience like no other for me & i love you all !

trigger warnings : domestic violence & abuse, death

PART ONE: CHILDHOOD.

The trailer that Claire spent the back half of her childhood in never felt like home. Maybe because trailers are made to be temporary, or the fact that if she accepted that this was where she belonged, she’d have to give up hope.

It’s normal Maggie Walsh to be out late, Claire’s usually cleaned up the kitchen and tucked herself into bed by the time her mother comes in the door – but she’s not sleeping. She’s always had trouble with that, brain bouncing around from one thought to the next until eventually she hears the creak of the door.

Her mom’s home.

She hears the usual stumbling, the clatter of dishes falling from where she’d neatly placed them on the drying rack. Maggie’s drunk, Claire’s sure of that. Ten years old and she knows what it means to be so drunk that you can hardly see straight, that the words you say under the influence are a different reflection from the person that you really are. She inhales deeply and crawls out from under the covers to check on her. Ten years old and she knows the steps: Help her take her makeup off, make sure she sleeps on her side, glass of water on the bedside table, trash can on the floor. Maggie is only twenty-six years old herself now, not done with her childhood by the time that Claire was born, not ready to be a mother. Claire’s had to figure it out most of it herself.

“Mom?” Claire knocks on the door lightly, plastic cup full of water already in hand.

“Don’t – don’t come in!” Maggie sputters, and Claire’s confused. She defies her request and opens the bedroom door the rest of the way. When she sees her mom, she drops the cup on the floor, small hands curling into fists.

“What happened? Who did that to you?”

“I told you not to come in here, Claire,” Maggie repeats, but Claire has always been on to disregard commands. She learns at a young age that authority only means older than you or some assigned title, not that they know best.

“Who did that? Why?” She repeats her questions. Despite being mature for her age, it’s hard for Claire to wrap her head around the black eye obscuring Maggie’s face, and the swelling on her cheek.

“It doesn’t matter,” Maggie sighs, dejected as she flops down on the bed. Even in her state, she knows that there’s not much use telling Claire to back off or go away once she’s decided that she’s not going to. Her little girl is a spitfire, strangely enough reminds Maggie a lot of her own mom, like living with a miniature version of her. Maybe that’s why Claire wins most arguments. “Come here.”

Claire walks closer to the bed, kicking the cup aside on her way for no reason other than to kick something. She crawls into bed next to her mom and looks up at her, waiting for more of an explanation or literally anything but silence.

“I don’t know why I keep looking for a happy ending. I leave you home alone, I come home like this...not helping either of us,” Maggie presses a kiss to the top of Claire’s head, runs her fingers through her daughter’s hair. It’s so soft and Claire is so little, she can’t help but look at the spilled cup on the floor with a pang of guilt. “I’m sorry,” she adds, voice choked up and words a little slurred. Tears squeeze out of the corners of her eyes when she closes them, hugging her daughter closer, “I’ve blamed you for my fucked up life for so long...that’s not fair.”

Now, Claire is only ten, but those are the kind of words that you remember forever. Still, she smiles. “It doesn’t have to stay fucked up. It can get better,” a childish spark of optimism in her heart that hasn’t yet been put out. It makes Maggie smile back though, kissing her daughter on the top of her head yet again.

“I like that,” she says, and they fall asleep curled up beside each other. Claire sleeps soundly, thinking that it’s possible. Things really could get better, and for a while, it seems like there really is a sort of shift. Maggie starts cooking, cleaning again, and she doesn’t even stay out so late. That’s when she meets Martin.

He seems better than the rest. Until he isn’t.

But Claire does her job as her mother’s protector, just as she’s been doing all of her life, and it’s that event that jumpstarts the rest of everything that happens next.

PART TWO: GRADUATION.

Claire’s come to the formal conclusion that graduation ceremonies are a waste of time. There’s all this build up, everyone’s so excited, and then you have to sit around and wait for your name to be called so you can spend two seconds walking across a stage while everyone claps. She would have skipped it entirely if her mother hadn’t already come up, and if she knew that people were going to insist. The small talk afterward is even more agonizing than the ceremony itself. It is sort of painful saying goodbye to everyone, and it occurs to Claire that there’s more people that she’s going to miss than she ever expected.

“Callum and his mother are here,” Maggie points out.

“And?” Claire rolls her eyes. Seeing Callum again to begin with had brought up a lot of old feelings, and generally, even though they’d resolved things, she tries to avoid him whenever possible.

“Well, it’s probably weird if we don’t say hello, at least, right? I’m going to say hello,” Maggie interjects, “he’s such a sweet boy.”

Claire’s eyebrows rise on her forehead as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Go ahead then,” she sighs, “I’ll wait right here.”

“Claire,” Maggie draws out her name with a withering stare, but Maggie has never been able to establish that sort of authority with Claire that would prompt any inclination of obedience, so Claire just shrugs her shoulders, unimpressed. She’s not going to budge. “Fine, I’ll be right back.”

Claire’s done her best to put the chapter of their life that includes Martin out of her mind when rekindling things with her mother, and she certainly doesn’t want to stand around making small talk with his other ex-wife, trying not to look at Callum with his matching jawline, trying not to remember everything she hates. It all comes back in a flash. The horrible cracking sound that her mother’s head had made when it connected with the wall, the blood on the marble floor. They say you don’t remember trauma properly, that your memory doesn’t work quite right, but she will never forget the way her fist connected with Martin’s face : like a puzzle piece, like it BELONGED there, and she’d done it over and over again until she heard sirens.

And yet, Claire can’t deny that it’s a part of her life that got her here, where she is today. She thinks life is shitty and random, and that not everything has to happen ‘for a reason.’ Still, she’ll catch Kass’s eye across the room and see her smiling so brightly that it seems impossible not to believe in something. Claire can’t help herself anyway – she smiles back. No one has ever been able to produce Claire’s smile in its truest form the way Kass has, unashamed of being so happy to look at someone. She once thought the idea of looking at a person and seeing your whole future was ridiculous, that you’d have to be stupid to put that much of yourself into someone, but it isn’t like that at all. All of it was unintentional, like by the time she realized it, Kass was already everything. And she feels so safe with that thought that she doesn’t mind at all.

“Am I interrupting something?” A figure steps in front of her, cutting off her line of sight. She’s not really fond of being snuck up on, so she opens her mouth to say something snarky when she’s met with the gaze of Lisanna Harlin, one of last year’s mentors. Her daughter, Elisa, is there, but she’s not graduating, so Claire’s confused by Lisanna’s presence.

“No, Ms. Harlin,” Claire says, though there’s a spark of indignation in her words that practically goes hand in hand whenever an adult commands authority.

“Lisanna is fine,” she says with a light laugh, like she’s amused Claire’s greeted her this way.

“Can I...help you with something?” Claire asks, mostly curious about how long this interaction has gone on. While she’s friendly with Elisa, she was Kass’s roommate last year, they’re not exceedingly close, so she’s not sure what else Lisanna would have to say to her other than maybe a polite hello.

It’s more than a polite hello. Lisanna Harlin works for Lexon Corp in Durham, North Carolina, a private military company that provides armed guards, bodyguards, and guns for hire. They’re the sort of place that would be looking for the best of the best in combat, and they have a bit of a reputation for hiring Gallagher girls. Claire had given up on the job search months ago since the video went out, in fact, she’s had a job lined up for graduation already : at a boxing gym in D.C., where the scene isn’t too bad. It was suited to her, but not exactly the sort of thing that her Gallagher education had prepared her for. Lexon Corp? Everything her rigorous love of January boot camps were tailored to. And they want to interview her.

A month later, Claire’s sitting on the cusp of a completely fresh start. It wasn’t easy to backtrack on the plans that she and Kass had made together, knowing how much was changing for the both of them, it had been nice to have the stable idea of an apartment together on the horizon. Now, she’s a four hour drive away, and she goes home to her one-bedroom studio in Durham after rigorous training throughout the day. But she’s grateful for the chance to work her way back into the field, and she can remember what Lisanna said to her when they gave her the offer.

“We’re aware that with your history that we’re taking a chance on you, Claire,” Lisanna said. “But we think the reasons that made other agencies look past you are exactly what makes you an asset. You care about your jobs, the people that you’re involved in, and you’d have a partner’s back until the bitter end. You listen to your intuition, trust your gut...and above all else, you have follow-through. I’m excited to be able to offer this position. Don’t prove me wrong.”

Claire swears that she won’t.

PART THREE: KIPTYN.

Kiptyn isn’t supposed to be in the left hall closet.

In fact, he’s not supposed to be awake at all. But who can sleep the night before their birthday anyway? Sure, he’ll be thirteen, and that’s probably old enough to have gotten over the magic of it all, but...he’d still been lying awake with excitement, the anticipation keeping his eyes open for hours on end. Well, that and the video game he’d been playing under the covers, but he’d obviously only been playing it because he couldn’t sleep in the first place.

Then he started thinking about the left hall closet and the conversation that they had at dinner the other night. In Kiptyn’s defense, Dahvia – his younger sister – had totally started it and he was an innocent bystander. After all, Kiptyn’s old enough to know that they don’t bring up Claire to mom, because it just puts her in a mood and then you can forget about doing anything else for the rest of the evening. But Dahvia’s ten, practically a baby, and she doesn’t know any better.

“Hey, mom? What sort of accident did Claire die in? Nina asked me at recess and I didn’t know,” Dahvia pipes up, before she’s even properly sat down. Kip visibly cringes. He’s older, wiser, knows this won’t go well. Still, he dares to look at his mom’s face and he notes the faraway look in her eye, like she seems to experience a bunch of things at once. Kip notices how even though her eyes are glassy, she doesn’t cry. Though sometimes, their mom will just cry randomly, like two weeks ago when he asked for help with his Spanish homework and she couldn’t even help him finish the first worksheet.

“It was a car accident,” she says stiffly, “eat your dinner.”

Kiptyn kicks his sister under the table and flashes her a look that says : Great. Look what you did, ruined dinner. Dahvia sticks her tongue out at him.

So, he knows that he’s not supposed to be in the left hall closet because he could ruin many more dinners, but he’s here anyway. He’s been thinking about it ever since they sat in silence for the rest of that half hour, and he’s come to the conclusion – his mother was lying. Because all sorts of things make their mother cry, like a bowl of mac and cheese or Spanish class, or motorcycles, and she won’t let Kiptyn take boxing lessons though his friend Robert is and he thought it sounded really cool, but she doesn’t have any problem with cars or driving, and also, she’s never told them a single thing about Claire except that. They aren’t allowed to know anything about her, especially not anything true, so Kiptyn is pretty sure that’s a lie. There’s just something just weird about it.

So, in the middle of the night before his thirteenth birthday, he looks up a video on how you pick locks and then he figures it out on the door of the left hall closet. He’s there for at least forty-five minutes, practically ready to give it all up when he hears the clicking sound, and then it opens. His first thought is : Woah. This is a load of junk.

And he’s right. There’s boxes upon boxes of paperwork, old clothes. Some things start to click, like when he finds a pair of worn boxing gloves with Claire’s initials embroidered on them. His favorite thing that he finds is the fattest scrapbook he’s ever seen – his mom always makes them, there’s one for every year of his life. Dahvia’s too, they love looking at them. The cover of this one, though, says Italy 2021. It’s all pictures of his mom and Claire, probably in their early twenties. Kiptyn mostly notices his mother’s smile, how he’s only seen her look like that a couple times in his life and yet it looks so EASY here, like she wears it all the time. It’s so strange to him. He sets the scrapbook down and crawls toward the back of the closet. His eyes land on two leather folders with gold embroidery, and he opens up the first one. In big letters at the top : GALLAGHER ACADEMY.

It’s a diploma.

This certifies that Kassandra Sutton has satisfactorily completed the…

“What are you doing?”

Kiptyn yells out like a child, not having heard anyone creeping up on him. He claps his hand over his mouth as if to shush himself. “The door was open! I don’t know how, but I just...noticed it was open and wanted to make sure that...no one was stealing your stuff!” he grins sheepishly, hoping that he can ride on the high of his birthday week to get him out of this one.

“It was just...open?” his mother looks down at him with raised eyebrows before brandishing a twisted paper clip between two fingers. The one that had formerly been stuck in the door. His guilty expression widens, he can’t help it.

“Okay, I might know how it opened,” Kiptyn admits. He hesitates for a moment, before he realizes that he’s ALREADY in trouble, he might as well just come out with it and pray to the birthday gods. He holds up the diploma with her name on it : “What’s Gallagher Academy?”

Kass’s sigh is heavy and deep, accompanied by the amount of exhaustion that comes with raising two curious kids by herself. After Claire died, she moved her family to London to be closer to their aunt and away from everything that reminded her of Claire. She never told her children why. From hiding that world from them, the world that took so many people from her : her father, her ex-girlfriend, and the love of her life. She swore that she would never lose her children to it, too. But Kiptyn looks up at her with wide eyes, desperate to know about his mother and his past, and Kass also knows what it’s like to have part of yourself missing due to family secrets that are being kept from you. He is practically a teenager now. So, she relents.

Kass doesn’t go into all of the details, of course. Just that Gallagher Academy was a school for spies, and that’s where it all started. Kiptyn already knew that his moms met in college, so it’s the spy part that’s most interesting to him. She talks about Claire with a light in her eyes he’s unfamiliar with, how she was one of the best fighters in their year, that she grew up with such a talent in the ring that she probably could’ve gone pro if her life had gone in a different direction. She talks about how they had to part ways after graduation, because Claire got a job in North Carolina and she got a job in Washington, DC, but they made it work, and both got very accustomed to the four hour drive – though it was sometimes closer to three for Claire, because she always drove too fast, even on this big, black motorcycle which Kass swears that she hated. She tells Kiptyn about how they got married, the way she’d almost moved to England for a dream job and that long distance threatened to drive them apart again – until Claire chased her down in the airport with a ring and proposal.

She also talks about how Claire really died : the abridged version. It was an overseas mission where they’d been cornered, and Claire risked her life to save the rest of their team. There were no other casualties, and the information they were able to bring back helped stop the terrorist organization they’d been chasing to end them for good. Kass tells the abridged version for her son, gives Claire a hero’s death. In some ways, it was. She doesn’t mention the ways that Claire was consumed by the case, it was an organization hellbent on killing spies and it likely reminded her of the brotherhood. Kass had been worried about the case the whole time, because it felt like Claire was taking it too personally. In the end, she may have been right : because Claire had let it take her life in order to close it. She also doesn’t mention that such a sacrificial death means that her wife died fighting alone, swinging her fists until her very last breath. But still, she was all alone.

She had no choice but to take her kids as far away from that life as possible.

Kiptyn tries, but he doesn’t really remember Claire. He’d only been three years old when she passed away, and before then, she’d been so consumed by her last case that she was barely present. Still, he thinks she sounds badass.

He falls asleep on his mother’s shoulder that night, looking through the scrapbook of pictures from their trip to Italy in 2021. He’s animated for the first part, pointing out buildings and asking questions, wonders if Claire was sweating in all that leather, but he slowly starts to drift off. He wakes up on the couch the next morning, no trace of the book or any of the other papers he’d hauled out of the closet the night before. He looks at the closet and there’s an extra padlock. Figures.

It comes up in little ways, like a private joke that he has with his mother, like she’ll say something and flash him a secretive smile. He likes that, and he understands that this is a big secret that he has to keep. It doesn’t come up again until his fourteenth birthday the next year, the summer before high school. It’s a strange letter in a manila envelope, sealed with some expensive red wax, his name written in fancy calligraphy. The most attention-grabbing part, however, is not Kiptyn Sutton-Walsh in big cursive letters. It’s the return address :

GALLAGHER ACADEMY.

learn her skills, honor her sword. keep her secrets.

#*#self para

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apocalypseornaw · 4 years

Text

Ending/Beginning

For the enemies to lovers square on @girl-next-door-writes make me feel bingo

Inspired by the show revolution (sort of) y'all I'm nervous AF to post this cause it's reader x OC but i hope y'all like it

Word count: 10,247 it long

Warnings: Cursing, violence

The apocalypse, the end of the world. Everything as it was known coming to an end. No matter how you wanted to describe it that time was now. You never would’ve dreamed that the end of the world wouldn’t have been fire or ice. No the world ended a lot quieter than that. No dead rose, no monsters crawled out of hell. Electricity simply went away, all the power sources that ran everything went off grid. You watched as the world slowly plummeted into turmoil. You had your group, all of you would fight to the death for each other, you believed that somehow humanity could survive the problem was not every group believed as yours did.Good and evil, things that at one time had clearly been black and white were now washed in shades of grey.

You were on guard duty, walking the length of the walls that surrounded the compound you called home. A team had left a few days before and had yet to return. You were getting more anxious as the days drug on. You finally spotted movement towards the east and ran quietly along the wall so as to not bring any alert to anyone walking below. When you spotted the group missing some of its main members breach the treeline you felt the knot in the pit of your stomach double in size. “OPEN THE GATES” you screamed quickly climbing down the ladder running the moment your boots hit the dirt to meet the horses as they came inside. “Where are they?” you asked Sam before he ever got the chance to dismount. Your eyes flicked across the group that were with him clocking the injuries on each person, Sam included. You’d grown up with the Winchesters brothers, all three of you practically being raised by Bobby They were the closest thing to family you had and Dean’s absence along with Charlie’s and Garth’s was glaringly obvious to anyone.

“We were ambushed. They took them and left a message for Bobby” he explained coming to stand next to you before handing his horse off to someone else so they could see to it that the animals all of you had come to rely on was taken care of. “Which is?” you pushed but he glanced around at the growing crowd “Not here, come with me” you followed him through the compound not falling behind despite his height advantage on you. You had a feeling what fate had befallen your friends and the rage gnawing at you was growing larger every second that passed.

When Sam grabbed your arm and pulled you into Bobby’s quarters he glanced up from cleaning a gun and smiled when he saw the two of you but his face quickly fell when he realized Dean was not in tow and that Sam had visible injuries. “What happened?” he asked and you cut your eyes at Sam silently echoing the same question. “Kaper’s men. They found out about the power core” “SON OF A BITCH” you growled kicking a chair across the floor.

Josiah Kaper was about the furthest you could get from Bobby as a leader went. Where Bobby was trying to push for a way for humanity to somehow dig itself out from under the shit show that had developed in the world Josiah wanted nothing more than to find a way to benefit from it.

He had three sons David the oldest who from your run-ins with him honestly didn’t want to be associated with his father’s name he’d even helped you out of a tight spot years back when everything started falling apart in the world. Then was the middle son Jonah who was ruthless and heartless. You had a scar running the length of your left arm from the only run-in you’d ever had with him. Had Dean not been so quick on the trigger you wouldn’t have walked away, a few members of your group hadn’t. Dante the youngest son who was closest to your age you’d never had any run-ins with but this attack was personal. Bobby wanted the power core to develop a better hospital system. You’d lost a few people simply for the fact that without any power source the doctors you had didn’t have the equipment they needed to perform some surgeries. Not to mention having to stay off the radar of the militia, didn’t want any of them getting it in their heads that your group had anything they may want.

Dean had figured out a few alternatives but even the best mind couldn’t solve everything on it’s own. Josiah on the other hand, you could only imagine what he wanted with the core.

“Give me a team, we’ll get them back without having to deal with Josiah” You spoke without a second thought. Either of the three they’d taken would come for you so you owed it to them. “What’s your plan?” Bobby asked so you shrugged “They know I’m one of yours, same as Sam and Dean. Makes a bullseye on me so I play decoy while my team locates and releases Dean, Charlie and Garth” “And if they manage to get their hands on you too?” Sam questioned so you shot him a wink “Oh ye of little faith. Don’t worry Sammy they’ll never get close enough to lay a finger on me” Bobby stared you down for what felt like an eternity before nodding “Ok but sweetheart do me a favor?” “Yes sir?” you asked so he half smiled “Make it back in one piece”

"I'm coming with you" Sam spoke and you shook your head motioning to the visible marks on him "No you're gonna go to medical and get checked over. I'm going to go poke around and see if the ones I have in mind for this are up to it, I have no doubt they will be but I still give them the courtesy of asking"

------

You knew Alicia and Max would be at the front of the line to volunteer to go as soon as word spread. They had long since been your best friends and considering Charlie was Alicia’s girlfriend there would have been no leaving the twins behind even if they hadn’t been on your top pick to go.

Kevin and Claire were easy picks as well. Kevin, that damn kid you swore could blow up a mountain with some baking soda and vinegar. As fair as for Claire there hadn’t been a lock you met she couldn’t get through fast and easy. Rounding out your band of misfits as Bobby so lovingly called you all was Benny. He was a big dude, a damn good fighter and not scared of a lot.

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asked looking at the map you’d spread out across the table in his and Eileen’s quarters. “I know Kaper and I know Dean. If they’re managing to actually hold him, Garth and Charlie, it's gotta be here” you pointed to a building near the northern wall of Josiah’s compound. “The problem is where as we as a group try to steer clear of the militia, he supplies them with pretty much anything they want to look the other way on him pilfering anything he can from the old power sources that’s been uncovered where the rest of us are barely scraping” “So you’re looking at the possibility of heavy firepower” Eileen guessed and you nodded glancing up to make sure you were facing her as you spoke “That’s where I come in. I draw their fire so to speak here” you pointed to the end of the compound furthest from the building you suspected your people were being held in. “By yourself?” she questioned and you knew she didn’t like your plan anymore than Sam or Bobby had. “I’ll be fine Eileen. I promise. By the time they realize I’m there everyone else will be in position. Once they have our people I’ll draw them out further and chunk a few of Kevin’s presents out amongst their ranks just to stir some fun up”

“And if something happens to block your path back around to meet up with everyone else?” Sam asked so you shrugged nonchalantly “Well I can honestly say I will make em earn it and I fully expect the lot of you to give em hell in return” “You’re insane” Eileen reasoned and you smiled at her “That, my dear is part of my charm!”

-------

Kaper’s compound wasn’t set up much differently than the one all of you lived in, the only difference being where when your compound was first established you went for the comfort of the many while it was clear Josiah went for the comfort of himself. His people had well enough living quarters but the building in the center was twice as plush as everyone else’s and while there were guards on their walls the same as yours he also had guards in front of his quarters.

The cement building against the northern corner of the wall was where they kept prisoners. There had been more than one scouting mission around Kaper’s compound to have a basic understanding of what was where. Luckily for your group there was a series of caves not far from the compound that could offer you shelter off the main road while you strategized one final time before actually putting your plan into action.

------

You tied your horse Helios at the head of the cave then walked deeper in where Benny had built a low fire. He was crouched down looking at the map you’d gotten Alex to sketch out. “Tell me this plan one more time” You could feel the twins and Claire watching you when Benny spoke. Kevin was doing some final touches to his part of the plan so he was preoccupied. You squatted next to Benny and pointed towards the prisoner quarters.

“That’s where they’ll have Dean, Charlie and Garth” he nodded so you then pointed towards the eastern gate that was closest to Josiah’s quarters “I’m going to get their attention here, draw the main guards out. I’ll use a few of Kev’s low grade toys so as to cause more chaos than actual loss of life, just enough to make everyone look at me. In the meantime all of you will head in over here” you pointed towards where the western and northern wall met “There’s a weak spot unless they’ve fixed it in the last month which I seriously doubt. Even if they did, Kev has a corrosive to make a hole big enough for all of you to slip in, find our people and get the hell out” “Promise me one thing though darling?” he asked so you tilted your head to look at him “Name it Lafitte”

“If something goes south where you’re concerned wait for me at the gate because the moment Dean finds out I agreed to let you do this I won’t be far behind” You offered him a small smile “Oh come on now he won’t kill ya” he raised an eyebrow that was clearly a nonverbal way of disagreeing but Kevin walked over about that time and handed you a canvas bag “The pipe bombs won’t cause a lot of damage but if you get in a tight spot grab a few of the round ones and chunk em. They’ll take out anything within a ten foot blast zone” You thanked him then stood up and glanced around. Claire held your gaze for a moment while both twins gave you a sharp nod “I’m not one for rousing speeches so I’ll just say wish me luck and remember if all else fails give em hell and make em earn it”

Claire rolled her eyes “Christ Y/N, Dean gives better pre-fight speeches than that!” you shrugged “And that is why I’m going to get him back”

------

You stopped at the perimeter of the treeline that was your last bit of cover before the guards would spot you. You and Benny had agreed on a five minute mark to make sure they were in place. You pulled the old wind up pocket watch out of your jeans and glanced to see it had been exactly five minutes. Well now or never.

You clicked your tongue and Helios trotted forward. The guards spotted you the moment you left the cover of the trees and hollered “STOP THERE. WHAT’S YOUR BUSINESS?” you stopped but slid your hand into the canvas bag “I CAME TO DELIVER A MESSAGE” you lit the first pipe bomb and chunked it over the wall. It landed at the first guard’s feet causing him to topple backwards down to the dirt.

The guards and inhabitants of the compound went into a flurry of motion so you rode down the wall throwing just enough pipe bombs over to ensure every guard was paying attention to the “threat” at the eastern wall and not the rescue party at the northwestern wall.

Once the gates opened and guards started pouring out, some on foot but most on horseback you lit one more pipe bomb and threw it in their general direction before hollering “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN ASSHOLES” then clicked your tongue again gently kicking Helios' sides as she took off at a gallop for the trees hearing the shouts of the guards following you. ‘Good keep all your eyes on me’ you thought to yourself as you leaned down closer to Helios to avoid limbs that were threatening to whip across your face as you rode deeper into the woods.

------

Benny and Claire had told you they didn’t need longer than eight minutes to get in, find your people and get out. Of course playing a game of solo mouse versus about twenty guards who were the cats was easier said than done.

Helios went around a tree and muscle memory alone was the only thing keeping you on her back. You fumbled for the watch again and saw six minutes had passed. Christ you still had two more minutes to keep them close enough that they would stay in pursuit but far enough that they couldn’t catch you.

You were getting close to the lake that was nearby so you headed in that direction. You had two pipe bombs left in the bag and two of those round ones for a tight spot as Kevin had put it. When you got close to the water’s edge you slowed her enough to let the guards catch up slightly and muttered a prayer under your breath before throwing one of the round ones into the water’s edge then kicked her sides again. She tore out in a gallop and you could feel the water from the blast hit your back followed by a lot of cursing. From the sounds of it you hadn’t killed anyone but you’d discouraged their chase and hopefully disoriented them enough that by the time they got back to the compound the smoke would have cleared.

------

Dark was falling and they’d never attempt to go after all of you once it fell completely. You had the advantage, your people were more used to the dark than Kaper’s because you only used the power sources you had sparingly. Your plan was to double back around to the caves where everyone was waiting for you. Benny was under strict orders that if you weren’t there within ten minutes of them arriving to knock Dean out if need be to make him leave you behind.

You didn’t expect to see a lone rider waiting not far from the lake. You thought your eyes were playing tricks on you when the large black horse first moved, thinking it was a trick of the light and a shadow. A horse that size shouldn’t move that quietly.

You clicked your tongue and tugged the reins in the opposite direction but when Helios pitched the other way the black horse simply gave chase. Shit who the hell was that? You could hear your heart beating in your ears. You had no choice but to lead whoever it was away from your people. There was no telling the shape everyone was in considering if they managed to keep those three contained they may have even gone to the extent of drugging them.

You had to slow when you got into the thicket of the woods because in the lowering light you could barely see where you were going. You felt something hit your left shoulder hard a half second before you were falling from Helios trying to brace yourself against the shock of the fall. You grunted when you hit the dirt then rolled to be in more of a defensive posture. You could hear the other horse slow before the sound of boots hitting the dirt hard met your ears.

You clicked your tongue trying to get Helios to circle around but before you could get back onto her you heard someone say “I’ll be damned, a woman did all that?” you spun to face the voice and cursed when you saw the gun pointed loosely in your direction. He was a couple inches taller than you, nice athletic built and clearly a fighter. There was still enough light you could make out the bit of stubble gracing his jaw line and the way his eyes held you made you fight the urge to look away. There was something vaguely familiar about him.Hell had he not been pointing a gun at you and from Kaper’s group you would’ve called him attractive but at the moment he simply had a target on him for you to figure out how to get out of this spot with both of you still breathing.

“And to think we’re called the weaker sex?” you replied with a defiant tilt of your head despite the fact that his gun was out and pointed and yours was still resting at your lower back. He chuckled slightly “You’re one of Singer’s. Y/N isn't it?” you smiled and held your arms out “How can you say that for certain that I'm not just simply a thief that happened along at an opportune time?” “Because I know for a fact that Dean Winchester along with two more of Singer’s group was in our grasp”

It suddenly hit you why the man across from you looked vaguely familiar “You’re Kaper's other son” he nodded slowly “Dante Kaper at your service sweetheart” You narrowed your eyes at him “Stow the sweetheart bullshit. I’ve got a scar from your brother and I was one of the lucky ones that day. I know the type of man you are” He nodded then motioned to his horse with the gun in his hand “Well in that case why don’t you hop on up there?”

“Kill me first, that’s the only way” He reached out to grab your arm and you let him because you knew getting close enough was your only chance of getting free. He pulled you back against his chest “I don’t want to hurt you but the same way that your people hate mine, you just blew up half our wall and knocked most of my guards on their ass” “Oh well” you muttered before throwing your elbow back as hard as you could at his midsection and was rewarded with the sound of his gun being dropped to the dirt as a grunt left him “Should’ve known it’d be a hand to hand thing”

You spun around to face him and narrowly avoided his return blow. You swung on him but he caught your arm then swept your legs out from under you when you went down you managed to kick your leg out as soon as your back hit the dirt and it connected with his leg. “Son of a bitch” you groaned, pushing yourself to your feet. You started to make a run for it but Dante recovered faster than you would’ve hoped. He was on his feet and grabbing you before you could make it two steps.

The moment he spun you around to face him you swung and connected a solid punch to his jaw. He staggered just a moment then kicked out and managed to connect with your stomach. You went with the blow letting your own momentum take you down. You were counting on his arrogance being his downfall and that proved to ring true when he came to stand over you “Guess you can’t hang with the men huh sweetheart?” “Don’t you wish” you replied, kicking out hard to catch him dead center in the crotch. The moment he went down to his knees you took off running and whistled for Helios. She came running up so you hoisted yourself onto her back “Let’s go” she galloped away and you could barely hear the hollered curses from Dante as he faded from your sight.

------

When you got closer to the caves you checked the time that had passed and cursed under your breath. God if they had to knock Dean out to get him to leave you behind it was going to get really messy when he came to.

You slowed Helios down to a trot and whistled the tune you and Benny always used when you were on the same team. After a few seconds you heard the whistle repeated so you urged her forward.

You hopped down at the head of the cave and saw the other horses tied up. You tied her next to Claire’s horse then walked into the cave entrance. The moment you came into view you were snatched into a hug from Charlie. “Y/N!” you couldn’t help but smile at seeing her mostly unscathed. There were clear signs of the fight when they’d been taken but beyond that it appeared as though Kaper hadn’t attempted to torture them. You’d gotten there before that point.

Once she released you Garth was there slapping your hand in a high five “Now that’s what I call a rescue mission ma’am!” you winked at him but your smile quickly fell when Dean stepped away from the corner where he’d been talking with Benny. Your eyes skimmed across him clocking the cut over his eye, the bruising on the side of his face and just how bloodied his knuckles were “I call that insanity. What the hell were you thinking?�� you grimaced slightly at his tone bracing yourself before saying “I call that pulling your ass out the fire, same as you’ve done for pretty much all of us”

He studied you for a second before a grin split his face and he pulled you into a hug “Kid you are completely insane but damn I would’ve loved to see Kaper’s face when those pipe bombs started going off” you touched your stomach where you caught a boot from Dante and Dean tracked your movements with his eyes “What happened?” Benny who had been silent stepped up behind you and when he touched your left shoulder it was only then that you realized the branch that had knocked you off Helios had torn through your jacket and shirt. “I officially met Dante Kaper”

“Did you kick his ass?” Max asked and you shrugged “I’d have to say that meeting was fifty, fifty. I got away from him because he underestimated me and got kicked in the family jewels as a reward for it” Alicia covered her mouth as she laughed “In that case I’d say you won it” You glanced around eyeing the lot of them. Out the rescue team from the looks of it none of them had even been in a fight. Benny’s knuckles weren’t even bloodied. Kevin was a little windblown but that was because he’d been at the forefront of any explosions they’d set off. “All of us are in one piece and can make it home. I call that a win”

Ninety percent of the time you tried your best to abide by what few rules were in place. You as one of Bobby’s surrogate kids had to be on your best behaviour to show everyone else in your compound that all was treated equal but when a meeting was being held to arrange an escort to Denver for a supply run to the encampment there and you weren’t invited it more than pissed you off.

You stood in front of the meeting room door for several minutes trying to talk yourself out of what you were about to do. It didn’t work of course. You started to walk away then said screw it and shoved the door open. Bobby,Sam, Dean,Benny and Jody were sitting around a table marking the route off. “Took her longer than I thought it would” Benny admitted with a nod to Dean.

Jody raised an eyebrow at you “Y/N? Bobby said you weren’t feeling too well” you cut your eyes at Bobby who shook his head “Don’t even start kid. You know you can’t go on this run” “Why not? When have I suddenly become persona non grata?” “When you went a few rounds with a Kaper” Dean answered for Bobby.

You barked out a harsh laugh then drew the chair from next to Sam and sat down “Then I guess you nor Charlie nor Garth is going on this run either then? Because while they didn’t see the crew that busted you out they know you got out”

Sam sighed and turned slightly in his chair to face you “Still turns back around to you Y/N. Since they in fact didn’t see the crew they probably assumed you set some sort of timer to bust the whole in the back wall before getting their attention on the front. Them taking the three of them goes against the agreement set forth by the militia so they can’t exactly report it but they more than likely have a grudge against the person who blew half their wall up and knocked most of their guards and one of Kaper’s sons flat on his ass” You leaned forward on your elbows and glanced around the table.

Dean and Benny immediately shared a look from the expression on your face and Bobby closed his eyes with an exasperated sigh before you ever spoke “So you’re telling me that lil ol me gets the credit for pulling off a rescue mission, destroying their over the top wall that wasn’t even very functional to begin with and kicking Dante’s ass all on my own. Hmm sounds to me like I need to go along Kaper’s men may think twice about messing with the crew if they spot me with them”

“If we don’t let her go we all know either she’ll saddle Helios and follow us anyways or get into something worse” Dean finally said and Jody winked at you “Well you boys may need some backup” “Don’t encourage her!” Bobby groaned then waved a hand at you “Go grab your gear. Dean will round up everyone else” you stood up and winked at Jody before walking out.

------

You were riding behind Benny towards the back of the wagon. It would be left with the encampment so the trip back would be cut by a day. Everyone was talking to whoever was closest to them or just keeping an eye on the surrounding area. Once the supplies were handed off and inside walls the militia weren’t as prone to mess with them but out here in the open it was a more free game.

There was a reason why you, Alicia and Max had spent weeks mapping out the natural caves along any routes all of you took. If you couldn’t find an old building with a garage area for the cart you would park it inside of the cave then make camp outside of it where anyone looking to steal would have to go past whoever was on guard at the moment and everyone sleeping.

“Benny you got this for a minute?” you asked and he cut his eyes at you and nodded “Yeah I got this darling. Guess you’re gonna poke at Dean a lil bit?” you grinned and clicked your tongue so Helios headed in the direction you pointed her which was the head of your group where Dean was looking as stoic as ever while keeping an eye on his surroundings.

He barely acknowledged your presence but you knew that he knew you were there. “Are you really mad at me for getting you out?” you asked and he shook his head.

You knew he wasn’t but you were going to make him say the words out loud. “I’m pissed off at you for putting yourself at risk like that. What if those guards would’ve caught up with you? Or what if Dante would’ve actually won that fight?”

“Then you would’ve come and got me. It would’ve gone a lot bloodier than my method but I have faith that worse case scenario you would’ve made Kaper regret the day he was born” Dean was quiet for a moment before finally looking at you “Y/N..dammit you’re in the same category as Sam. I can survive losing a lot. I don’t know if I can survive losing either of you. Before you say it I know you’re plenty capable. I’d rather have you at my back then most men I know but that doesn’t change the fact that if you would’ve gotten killed saving my ass..I would’ve slaughtered every man in that place” “What about the women on his guard?” you asked and he narrowed his eyes “Don’t be a smartass just say you see my point”

“I see your point but that’s the same reason why I couldn’t leave you there. Dean you almost killed Jonah. If I hadn’t been bleeding that bad you would’ve. You’re a high value target for Josiah so I’m not gonna attempt to lie to you I’d do it all over again but I do honestly see why you got pissed at me so can we call truce now?” he nodded and held a hand out so you shook it with a laugh “Glad we got that settled now let me get back to my post before Benny starts talking to his horse again”

------

Your group was about two days away from the Denver encampment. You’d stopped to make camp for the night. There was an old housing development that got abandoned when the end happened so it was a bunch of half built houses that had been mainly reclaimed by nature. There was one at the end that only had a few finishing touches to the place so that was where you picked for the night. The cart was parked in the garage so everyone made beds around it. All of you had slept in worse places.

“Y/N you and Sam take first shift then wake me and Benny up for second shift” Dean announced so you nodded in agreement as you pulled your jacket onto your shoulders “Aye aye Cap” then nodded at Sam “C’mon Samuel” he shook his head with a laugh but followed you out the side door of the garage that led back outside.

------

The full moon was nearly bright enough you could read by it. You were on your third trip around the house keeping an eye on the perimeter. Every time you’d pass Sam one of you would tell the other some stupid joke or random fact to pass the time. There was only another hour left of your guard shift then you could take over Dean’s bed to catch a little sleep before finishing the last leg of this trip.

Once the cart was dropped off your group didn’t have to take the main road home and weren’t as high value of a target for the militia or the road bandits. Even in this day and age you had people that would rather steal then even attempt to provide for themselves in a halfway honest way.

It was a bit disappointing that the one thing you could still count on was that mankind could still be major douches regardless of the time. You were thinking of another weird fact to tell Sam considering your fact of what raccoons could fit inside of made him swear to sleep on his back from here on out every time he slept outside would make you laugh for a week.

A movement towards the woods a few houses down caught your eye. You weren’t quite sure what it was but actually hoped for bandits versus Militia or any of Kaper’s men. You knew Sam would be coming around the corner of the house in a minute and if you mentioned it to him he’d want to check it out with you but you couldn’t leave the house completely unguarded.

You whistled one sharp note and Sam whistled back before coming around the corner quickly “What’s wrong Y/N?” you nodded towards the treeline “I think I saw something. I’m gonna go check it out. Don’t leave guard post unless you hear me scream then feel free to tell on me to Dean and bring everyone running deal?” He followed your line of sight then looked back at you “You’ve got exactly two minutes” you grinned at him “I only need one Samuel” then headed towards the treeline being careful to make your footsteps as quiet as possible.

You reached for the knife at your side. You had your gun tucked at your lower back but if it turned more into a close quarters deal the knife would be a better option. The moment you stepped into the shadows of the trees you felt a hand grab you and you were slammed backwards into a tree. Before you even focus to try to see the assailant you had your knife at their throat.

You realized you were looking up into none other than Dante Kaper’s dark brown eyes “You know you’re something else Y/N” he grunted flinching slightly from the pressure you had on the blade. “Been called worse by better Dante” you replied putting as much venom as you could in your voice and he smiled despite the fact that you were nearly drawing blood “You need to move your people. The militia is headed this way. They’ll be through before daylight”

“How do I know this isn’t a trap to make us move so your people can attack us down the road?” you asked and his grip on your arms tightened slightly “If I wanted your people dead I could’ve shot you and Dean's brother then burned the garage to the ground besides I kind of like having someone around to give me a run for my money. Makes life a lot more interesting”

“And why do I tell Dean we need to move? Can’t exactly say a Kaper said so” you replied easing the pressure slightly on his throat. He glanced down at the blade then slowly released your arms “You’re a resourceful woman. I’m sure you’ll think of something” you stared at him for a few breaths before putting your knife back at your side “If this is a trap you better hope they kill me fast because I’ll make sure you regret it” he had the audacity to wink at you before saying “See? Now comments like that make me want to keep you alive just because that much fire deserves to be fed”

He disappeared into the woods and a few seconds later you heard his horse moving away and cursed yourself for not clocking that big of a beast. “You bastard” you whispered to the night then realized the two minutes had more than likely passed so you quickly breached the tree line again to be back in Sam’s line of sight before he could wake Dean up.

He ran to meet you halfway “What was it?” you shook your head “I don’t know but we need to move. We’re close to a few caverns we can make it to one and still rest a bit before hitting the road again” he stepped in front of you before you got your hand on the door leading into the garage “Woah Y/N if it was nothing why are you hell bent on moving?” you met his eyes and took a deep breath “You trust me right?” “Of course” he answered a quick reply built on years of both of you trusting the other’s instinct. You hated lying to him but something told you Dante was being honest and you didn’t want to chance the supplies that were desperately needed in the Denver encampment being confiscated.

“Let’s get them up then” you finally added so he stepped to the side and simply followed you into the garage.

------

Surprisingly enough when you woke Dean to say you felt like your team needed to move he didn’t even attempt to question you. He simply gave out orders and the lot of you moved silently through the woods to the caverns you’d pointed out on the map.

Once everyone was settled back down at the cavern though you noticed that Dean and Benny both had pulled Sam to the side of the group and the three of them kept throwing glances in your direction. What were you supposed to tell them if they questioned you further? That you were taking an enemy at his word because why exactly? You weren’t even sure yourself why you’d believed Dante besides the fact that he was indeed telling the truth that had he wanted any of you dead it would’ve been simple enough to do.

You pushed the thought out of your head and curled up next to Helios for the night. By the time the sun was peeking out onto the ground your team was already on the road once again.

------

“So successful drop off done now for the trip home” you said riding between Sam and Dean. Dean glanced over your head at Sam and nodded once. You watched as Sam fell off and matched his pace with Benny instead no doubt giving you and Dean room to talk or rather Dean room to question you.

You remained silent for a few moments before saying “Well get on with it” he cut his eyes at you then looked back ahead of him “Get on with what exactly Y/N?” you sighed running your fingers through Helios’ mane “Asking me why I moved us in the middle of the night” “And why exactly was that?” he questioned and you felt a knot in your stomach start to form. On one hand you didn’t want to lie to Dean about anything but on the other hand you’d done the one thing all of you had sworn to never do..you trusted a Kaper. Even as far as David Dean simply avoided.

You shrugged “I just had a bad feeling. Best case scenario we ride back through and nothing is touched meaning I overreacted to a bad feeling” “But if we ride back through and proof that the militia has been through is there I’ve got to explain why you’ve either suddenly grown psychic powers or why the little birdies flying around have decided to start conversing with you”

You were stunned into silence simply because you’d never actually had Dean accuse you of anything. It was a strange feeling but you also became acutely defensive “What exactly are you accusing me of?” you asked and he turned fully to look at you trusting his horse to remain on the path he’d been pointed “Someone was in those woods last night when you went to check it out. You can lie to Sammy but you can’t lie to me. Who was it?” At your silence he cleared his throat then looked back at Sam who came up to join the two of you yet again “Sam you and Benny take lead. Me and Y/N are gonna fall to watch the rear and have a little chat since she’s apparently now being shy of groups”

You cut your eyes at Benny when he came up to take your spot at the head of the group “You good darling?” you nodded once then clicked your tongue to get Helios to follow Dean.

Once the two of you were at the rear of your group with no possibility of anyone over hearing a conversation Dean got his horse close enough to Helios that had the two not been around each other for so many years they never would’ve willingly rode that close “Now talk to me.You know I’ve always backed you up but I need to know who told you we should move?” you sighed and refused to meet his eyes but answered “Dante” you barely looked in his direction but saw his jaw clenching and unclenching “Please don’t be mad at me Dean. I had my knife to his throat but he had a point. He could’ve fucking sniped me and Sam then barbequed the rest of you if he had wanted to!”

“So? What are you trusting him now?” Dean’s voice was sharper than you’d ever heard it pointed at you. He reached across the space between the two of you and snatched your jacket off your left arm to show the thick jagged scar that started at your wrist and disappeared underneath the short sleeve of your shirt “His brother did this! I found you nearly dead. Sam held you in his arms the entire ride back to our doctors and you know what? I heard him pray Y/N! Who the hell he was praying to in all of this I don’t know but we thought we would lose you. We lost Jo, Ash and Rufus that day! A Kaper did that! Out of every possible enemy in this world the god damn Kapers have been a thorn in our side for longer than anything! You really think you can trust him? Even David is only passable because he got away from Josiah and we haven’t heard anything from him since. Dante went back to his daddy’s compound and probably reported that Bobby’s girl was stupid enough to trust him!”

You felt hot tears spring to your eyes at his words. You turned your head stubbornly so he wouldn’t see them and took a few deep breaths before replying “I don’t trust him Dean but I had to weigh the options and protecting all of you was the most important thing” your voice broke slightly as you shrugged your jacket back up on your arm. Dean reached as if to touch your shoulder but you flinched away from him “Not right now Dean. I know you just want to protect me but I just can’t right now”

“Chief, are we checking it out?” Benny called from the front nodding towards the path that would take you back out to where the housing complex was. Dean looked at you then announced “Everyone wait here for a few. C’mon Benny” you watched them ride off then locked eyes with Sam. The look on his face alone was enough to ask if you were ok. You gave a sharp nod.

Within a few moments Dean and Benny were rejoining your group. You didn’t look in Dean’s direction when he came back to ride at your side but he still offered “For what it counts the militia destroyed it and left their mark” “Why did he warn me?” you asked honestly shocked that Dante’s warning had rang true. “That’s the question isn’t it?”

The moment Bobby heard that Dante had reached out to you and in fact actually told the truth about the militia coming through you knew that would be the end of you being allowed out on any day to day tasks. You had no idea why he’d even been in that area that night or how he’d located your group let alone why he’d want to actually protect your group. Hell you’d fought him the first time you met him then that knife had drawn a line of blood from his throat while he gave his warning. It was a predicament to say the least and and left you feeling like a fucking leper considering only Sam, Dean and Bobby knew so to everyone else they simply say you sticking close to the compound with no good reason as to why.

You were helping Donna and Jody in the armory trying to simply keep your head down until Bobby and the boys forgot about it and let you out again. “What exactly did you do?” Jody asked sliding more shells across to you since the three of you were currently making more bullets. You shrugged knowing that you very well couldn’t tell another soul that a Kaper had saved your necks. You absentmindedly scratched at the scar on your arm and Donna covered your hand with her own “You know that’s a bad nervous habit sweetie” you shot her a small smile “I think I’m just going a little stir crazy. Even just to take Helios out to stretch her legs I’ve got to take Benny or Max and Alicia with me” “Whatever happened those three will get over it soon enough kid. Just keep pushing they love ya” Jody added with a wink.

------

It went on for a while until you were on guard duty one day walking the length of the wall when Xavier, a rider for a nearby compound which happened to be where your hospital set up was, came riding up to the gate. “LET HIM IN!” you hollered climbing down the ladder to meet him.

When he saw you his eyes flicked around nervously “Y/N.. Dean or Sam around?” you shook your head “No but what’s going on Xavier?” he swallowed hard “They’re on the way to do a walk through of our compound. We don’t have the power core completely buried yet” “Shit.Dean,Benny and Sam aren’t due back till dark” his eyes looked like they very well may pop out of his head “We have an hour tops” you knew that if you came out on the other side you’d never hear the end of it and that was the best case scenario.

You nodded to his horse “How fast can it move with two riders?” “Fast enough” he replied. As you were swinging your leg up behind him you heard Max holler your name. Xavier glanced back at you but you simply shook your head “Ignore him. Let’s go” you rode out of the gate motioning for it to be closed behind you already planning in your head a dangerous route but if it came down to it you would do what was necessary to save the most amount of people.

------

Dean was seething with anger and underneath that was the fear. The fear of being too late this time. The fear he’d find you dead. Dammit why did you have to be so fucking selfless? When him and Sam had met up with Max on the trail back he knew something was wrong then when Max told him the last he’d seen of you was you riding off on the back of Xavier’s horse he knew the worst was yet to come.

He rode up to the gate of the compound that housed the hospital set up “OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!” He didn't slow down and rode directly up to the door before climbing off his horse and nearly took the door off the hinges as he stormed inside with Sam and Benny close behind.

He spotted Micheal the doctor that was over the place “Where is she? What the fuck happened here?” The place was a mess but most of the equipment appeared to be whole. There was evidence a fight had happened and your presence or the lack thereof was a sore thumb along with the puddle of blood in the center of the room. “Dean you got to know I tried to stop her! I told her to stand down but she refused. She was determined to draw their attention from the power core” the shorter man was clearly scared and for good reason. Benny knowing Dean how he did managed to catch him before he broke the good doctor’s nose “Dean brother we need to hear what happened before we kill him”

Micheal looked at Sam who shrugged “They’re not gonna kill you” When Micheal almost looked relieved Sam quickly added “But we may make you wish you were dead cause you’re probably gonna have to put yourself back together if we find out you hid while they took Y/N”

Benny let go of Dean and had a hand around Micheal’s throat in the blink of an eye “Now doc me and you ain’t never had an issue but that girl is like a sister to all three of you. What the hell happened here?” “Jonah was with them” Micheal breathed out and Dean felt his blood run cold.

They never planned this to be an inspection. Josiah and Jonah both knew the one way to get at Bobby, Dean and Sam was to go after Y/N. “Son of a bitch. They were probably watching when we left. He planned the walk through to draw her out knowing she’d never stand by”

Benny dropped Micheal unceremoniously to the floor. “Go over what happened and don’t leave a word out”

Everything hurt.You knew the moment you’d spotted that chestnut horse amongst the inspection crew that it had all been a lie. You’d been lured out and played directly into their hands. “I’LL KILL YOU” you growled diving at Xavier. You’d trusted him and he’d betrayed all of you. “Sorry Y/N they gave me a better offer than being an errand boy”

You had your hands around his throat when the door was kicked in and you heard a gun cock “Y/N let him go or I’ll kill them” you looked up to see a gun pointed towards Micheal the top doctor and Erika the top field medic. You slowly stood off of Xavier eyes never leaving Jonah’s masked face. “Good girl” he cooed then the moment Xavier was on his feet he put a bullet between his eyes. At your look he shrugged “He’s a rat. Don’t need any rats now do we?”

“Gonna take that mask off and let me see Dean’s handy work?” you taunted eyes flicking towards Micheal and Erika. “Are you going to be nice and come quietly or do my men need to beat you in compliance?” he replied so you squared your shoulders and planted your feet “If you plan on taking me you might as well throw your hat into the ring too darling cause this is gonna be one hell of a fight”

You ended up coming back to consciousness in the newly reinforced cells of Kaper’s compound. You were certain you had a few broken ribs and the entire side of your face was slick with your own blood. You’d held true to your word. You’d given as much damage as you’d gotten and that was at an extreme disadvantage. The last thing you remembered was Jonah’s boot connecting with the side of your head hard. If you survived this you would make sure you were the last thing he ever saw and you had the comfort of knowing if you didn’t survive that Dean would be the last thing Jonah ever saw.

You had managed to push yourself into a seated position with your back against the wall when you heard boots coming in your direction. You were in pain and it would likely be a task to stand on your own but regardless you braced yourself for what would more than likely be another fight.

When the footsteps stopped you looked up to see Jonah was standing at the door leading into the cell. He had his mask in his hand and the light from the torch on the wall flickered across the burns the corrosive had left behind on his face. “Damn you’re even uglier than you were before. At least the exterior completely matches the interior now” you grunted holding an arm around your hurting ribs as you forced yourself to stand up despite the pain radiating through you that moving caused. “Keep talking you little bitch. Even now our group is already at your compound. Singer will be given seventy two hours to either deliver the power core or be delivered your corpse” “Bobby knows you’ll never keep your word. You’ll take the power core and kill me all for daddy dearest to make a play to be over the shambles that’s left of this country”

“But the thing about Bobby and the Winchester boys they don’t think with their heads a lot. They let their hearts do the thinking and you’re family. That whole group is insane enough to risk it all by coming after you. How many more will die this time for you to walk away?” “That wasn’t my fault. It was yours” you threw back and he smiled “And yet here you still stand having survived what? Seven years after them?” “You’re gonna kill me why not just finish me off now?” you asked and his smile turned sinister “Oh but why kill you quickly when I can make you beg for death?”

He pulled a key out of his pocket and slid it into the door when he stepped into the cell you took a deep breath before falling into a defensive posture. Whatever he had planned it wouldn’t go over easy on him.

“There’s not even an option. We hand over the fucking power core” Dean spoke from where he stood at the edge of the room. “How do we know they won’t kill her anyway?” Benny asked and a silence fell over the room because everyone was thinking what Benny had just given voice to “Well what the hell do you suggest Benny? Let them kill her with no qualms?” Max’s voice was laced with anger. Anger at himself for not being able to stop you from leaving and anger at the situation in general.

“We’re already at the eighteen hour mark since they took her. We need to do something and do it now!” Alicia cut in but before another word could be spoken Claire came running into the room “DEAN, SAM” both brothers turned to look at the blonde who was out of breath “The front gate! We need you!”

------

Most of the residents of the compound had been temporarily relocated rather to other areas or the caverns to get the non combatants out of harm’s reach which made it easier for moving around. Erika had bought her supplies and came back to help as well.

When Dean and Sam made it to the front gate they saw that Erika, Alex and Eileen were all three crouched around but couldn’t make out what until they got close enough to see you cradled in Dante Kaper’s arms while the three women worked to triage your wounds.

“What the hell?” Dean demanded and at his voice you opened your eyes weakly “Don’t hurt him Dean” then your head rolled over to the side. “She’s ok. She just passed out. Dante get her up and let’s get her inside”

------

Erika had kicked everyone out of the room besides Eileen and Alex to work so that left Dean and Sam alone with Dante in the hall outside the room you were in. “Is that her blood?” Dean asked, pointing to Dante’s shirt. The other man glanced down almost robotically “Not all. Some of it is Jonah’s”

“Excuse me?” Sam asked to ensure he’d heard right. Dante raised his eyes and Dean saw a fire there that almost made him want to like him “I killed him to save her life. I wasn’t there when they took her but the moment I got back to the compound my father called me into his quarters to brag. I found Jonah in her cell he planned to do worse than torture her…” his eyes had found their way back to the door that held you on the other side “I killed him without a second thought. I took her out the back and bought her here where I know she’s safe then I’m gonna go back and kill my father and everyone loyal to him”

“Is she worth that to you?” Dean asked, needing the answer before he allowed himself to give a Kaper even a sliver of trust “Why wouldn’t she be?” Dante replied and Dean gave him a sharp nod “Ok then. Want some help?”

------

You came to again when Eileen was washing the blood off of your face. “Eileen?” you whispered but she saw your lips move and looked up to your eyes and smiled “Thank god. What do you remember?” “Jonah..a blade slicing through him...a horse ride..Dante’s coat being around me and telling Dean not to hurt him”

She nodded “Good no concussion then” you looked around slowly “Where is everyone” you signed a bit sloppy but she got the point. “Waiting for you to wake up” “How long have I been out?” you asked and she grimaced which told you it’d been a while “A week”

Before you could have a complete freakout the door cracked open and Alicia poked her head in “You’re awake!” “It appears” you groaned trying to sit up before her and Eileen moved to help you. They shared a look then Eileen signed “I’m gonna go find the boys”

Once she walked out you looked over at Alicia who’d sat next to you “What happened while I was napping?” she laughed “Oh a revolution?” “Huh?” you questioned and she shrugged “Bobby can explain it better but just know our lives are going to be a lot more peaceful” “Where’s Dante?” you asked worry for him suddenly hitting you like a blow to the gut. “He’s fine honey. That’s one of the boys Eileen went to find”

------

You were sitting up with your feet curled under you nursing the glass of water Alicia had gotten you when the door opened again and Eileen walked in, trailed by Dean,Bobby,Sam,Benny and an unsure looking Dante.

Your crew all hugged you then you locked eyes with Dante and shared a small smile “You killed your brother for me” “He was an asshole anyways” he replied which caused a light laugh to spread across the room. “What happened while I was out?” you asked looking at Bobby who smiled “Long story short? Josiah is dead. David is back and over the civilians proven to not be under Josiah’s rule. The militia is being cleared out of dirty members as we speak and we have doubled the side of our hospital set up in the last three days”

You cut your eyes at Dante “What are you gonna do now?” Dean slung an arm around his shoulder and winked at you “Well Y/N not to put words in his mouth but I believe he was hoping to stick around and get to know you a bit better now that you’re not sworn enemies anymore” “If that’s good with you. If not I can always head home now that David is over it?” he offered and you smiled “I think I’d like you sticking around a bit” His smile told you that was the answer he’d been hoping for.

@girl-next-door-writes

@littlemessyjessi

#girl next doors make me feel bingo #supernatural au fic #supernatural au #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #dean winchester x platonic!reader #sam winchester x platonic!reader #benny lafitte x platonic!reader

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hargreevestan · 4 years

Text

Unexpected Company (Part II), Five x female!Reader

Authors Note: This is a continuation of Part 1!! A reminder that Five played by a minor, so out of respect please superimpose Five’s character onto an age appropriate face claim if you are an adult like myself! (I felt it was inappropriate to describe what the reader finds cute about Aidan Gallagher, so I’m just describing Harry Styles since they're both brunettes with green eyes. Close enough?) Anyways, here Five meets up with reader at the library, but not without drinking his Respect Women juice.

Trigger Warnings: Second hand embarrassment perhaps??

“You know, there are some people who consider your beverage choice to be sacrilegious,” Five said, setting down two paper cups on the circular table before taking his seat.

“What can I say? I was never much of a traditionalist, ” (Y/N) replied, looking up from her computer. “Thanks for getting drinks, by the way. How much was it?” she asked as she reached for her wallet. Five caught her hand and playfully grabbed her wrist.

“Monetarily, it was nothing. However, the toll on my dignity of having to look another man in the eyes and ask for a ‘decaf salted caramel mocha with almond milk’? No way I’m getting that back,” he teased before letting go. “So, any updates on your research?”

(Y/N) felt her face heat up, promptly turning her face towards the computer screen before Five could notice. “Still just reading up on previous quantum theories, but-” she stopped mid sentence, “Wait, what are you doing?”

“I’ll give you three guesses,” he replied as he poured the contents of a silver flask into his half-finished coffee.

“You can’t do that here! You didn’t even add creamer or anything!”

“Shhh, we’re in the library,” Five joked in a low voice.

This part of the building was the ugliest and most inconvenient to get to. It was just a few metal tables on the third floor, surrounded by shelves of archived files that were rarely seeked out. Five and (Y/N) were the only two in the left-wing study room. While it was usually pretty desolate, it was especially so on account of it being a Friday night.

“How do you even get in here, by the way? Don’t they check for student IDs past eight?” she asked.

“I have my ways,” he shrugged and took off his black sports jacket. He had on a forest green sweater underneath.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. It seemed her new friend insisted quite often on being unnecessarily mysterious. Sometimes it was endearing, but at others it came off as pretentious. Truly, how much could there be to him? She had met plenty of boys that approximately resembled Five over the years, with their clean-cut exteriors and perfect teeth that screamed trust-fund baby. Though, admittedly, it was much harder to visualize Five adorned in Greek letters as he did keg stands in the backyard of a frat house.

“Anyways,” she continued, “I’m looking at several models of the space-time continuum. Sometimes, I don’t know why I chose time travel for my dissertation topic. Everything is always contradicting itself.”

“Like what?”

“There’s the idea that the universe itself preserves consistency across the timeline at an atomic level-”

Five snorted and cut her off, “Trust me, that one is a load of crap.”

(Y/N) raised her eyebrows at him. Even though she was the PhD student, Five had managed to aid her research with calculations and helpful insights of theoretical material that most academics found confusing. “How do you know so much, again?” she asked.

“I’ve had a lot of time to read in the past,” Five deadpanned.

(Y/N) gave him a slow nod, “Of course.”

The pair discussed astrophysics for a while longer before independently conducting their research.

｡.｡:+* ﾟ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+* ﾟ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ゜ﾟ *

Five was gently shaking (Y/N) shoulder, waking her, “Hey.”

“Oh shit, did I fall asleep? Sorry, what time is it?” she replied, rubbing her eyes.

“Half past two. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

(Y/N) shook her head, “No, no, it’s okay. I live like, ten minutes away.”

“I know, but you’re also a very easy target for muggers.”

“What do you mean? I am stealth personified.”

“Catch,” he said, tossing an eraser her way. (Y/N) fumbled it in her hands before having to reach down and retrieve it from the floor. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Five commented, “Let’s go.”

They packed their things and made their way towards the elevator.

“So, how come you’re spending your Friday nights at the library?” (Y/N) questioned as Five pressed the down button.

“I could ask you the same,” he answered, eyes fixed on the numbers above the door.

“Well, I’m trying to graduate this semester. You, on the other hand, aren’t even a student.”

“I guess I’ve always just been interested in time travel,” he spoke as the elevator car arrived. He turned his head to look at (Y/N), the corners of his mouth turned the slightest bit upwards to form the reminiscent of a smile. “Ladies first,” he gestured towards the open doors.

“I mean, a lot of people like time travel. But they usually are like it in a sci-fi, comic book way; not the theoretical framework of it.”

“I’m big on utility.”

The elevator stopped at the ground floor, and Five followed her out the doors and through the lobby. Once they stepped outside, (Y/N) shuddered as her lungs filled with the cold autumn night air that so starkly differed the warm interior of the library. Subconsciously, she stepped closer to Five. Of course, he was unfazed by the weather.

“Cold?” he asked, noticing his companion beginning to shiver.

“Yeah, kind of. Are you?”

“Eh, I’ve been through worse,” he said before shaking off his jacket and handing it to her.

She sheepishly took it, “Thank you.”

The two began to walk home. Somewhere along the way, it hit (Y/N) how cute Five was. She studied his appearance. A few brown locks stood messily out of place, probably as a result of him running his fingers through his hair. He tended to do that when he was deep in thought. He was looking straight ahead, his features illuminated by the street lamps or the occasional headlights of a passing car. There was something both solemn and dignified about him. He paused and looked at her.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh, we’re here.”

“Oh, yeah, we are,” she said, turning her head to look at the yellow apartment building to her right.

“You okay?” he asked, noticing her strange behavior.

“Yeah, it’s just...” The porch lights shone against his face, lighting up his green eyes. She looked at his mouth and took a step forward.”

“(Y/N)?”

She put a hand on his shoulder and leaned in to kiss him. She pressed her lips against his, wrapping both arms around his shoulders. After a moment, Five put his hands on (Y/N)’s waist, keeping his arms stiff as he took a step back.

“(Y/N), you aren’t even old enough to drink!” he stated, eyebrows raised upwards with concern.

“What are you- are you old enough to drink?” she countered, pulling away.

“Listen, I can’t see you like that… I’m too old for you, it’s wrong,” he explained.

While (Y/N) could handle rejection, she couldn’t stand to see Five make up reasons as to why he didn’t kiss her back.

“Five, it’s okay, I get it. I misread the situation, I’m sorry if I crossed a line,” she told him. “You don’t owe me an explanation. Also, I thought I was a year older than you.”

“No, you aren’t. I mean, physically, yeah, but I’m old enough to be your grandfather.”

“Five, come on, you really don't have to do this...” (Y/N) repeated, taking a step back.

“Okay, listen, you’re a brilliant young woman. I adore you, much like how I adore my niece Claire. Your research- it’s going to be world-changing, especially to me… (Y/N), I think its time we have a talk about who I am.”

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whumpiary · 4 years

Text

Darktimeline!AU continues. As ever, written in collaboration with the incredible @untilthepainstarts.

content warnings: referenced murder, referenced noncon touch, alcohol, mild violence, briefly referenced victim blaming

It took a lot for Cassius Bergen to feel unsettled. Usually he was fazed by so very little, an I’m-rubber-you’re-glue kind of guy, attitude loose and languid in a way that made it adaptable to any incoming occurrence, good or bad. There wasn’t any use in the feeling of being perturbed to a man who had already laughed outright in the face of the perverse, from twisted colleagues to the character that had raised him.

But when Viklund-Reid turned up on the doorstep of the estate this evening, bloodied and half-wild, Cassius may have felt the slightest twinge of it. No small amount of satisfaction as well of course, at seeing the gaping cracks in the man’s usually impenetrable self control—he had been wondering just how much pressure that nice guy facade could withstand before it popped, and mild-mannered house mouse Lev fell away to reveal Lev Alexander Viklund-Reid, criminal mastermind.

As it turns out, all it took was a single loose end.

"I think I killed Jacob St. Clair."

Standing in the doorway to the sitting room in his nightrobe and slippers, Cassius’ mouth drops open. He shuts it just as fast, but it doesn’t seem like Lev had noticed at all. If anything, the man seemed wrapped up in himself, eyes staring into middle distance, hands rubbing up along the outsides of his arms.

"Wait, you think you did, or you did did? Because—”

"I did," Lev restates. "He's definitely dead. And if he wasn't then… he is now."

It’s then that Cassius’ eye picks up the things he didn’t before. It's a warm November night outside and Lev isn't wearing his usual jacket, but rather a comparatively thin dress shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. It's torn a few inches in at the collar, the top buttons popped off to reveal the delicate golden necklace he always wears underneath. A trail—a spray—of blood sits across his face, from his cheek to the inside corner of his eye. And on his knuckles. And in his hair, in tiny little spots.

Cassius realises that he’s grinning. It feels sharp in his mouth. “Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah.” Lev’s hand reaches up to play with the gold chain. His eyes remain unfocused, staring somewhere between Cassius’ chaise and his china cabinet.

“Jesus Christ. So I guess we’re not going with ‘take him down quietly’?”

“Apparently not.”

Blowing air out through his cheeks, Cassius shakes his head. Leans in the doorway, He’s not that mad, not really.

Though Lev could have asked if he wanted a piece first, selfish bastard. A bit rich considering it all. If Cassius had known he was going to up and off the guy—

“Just say it,” Lev says, eyes flicking up to meet his in a tired sort of challenge. “We both know you’re going to.”

Cassius smirks and crosses his arms, “Let’s not rush it, Bergen. There’s no satisfaction in a quick kill, Bergen. Let’s savour the take down, rot him from the inside out…”

Lev’s eyes flick away from him, dark and blazing, as though he hadn’t just asked to be served what he was given. As if he didn’t deserve a little mocking for his hypocrisy.

“I know.”

Cassius shrugs like it doesn’t bother him, and really what is there to be all that bothered about? If St Clair was dead, he was dead. Not much they could do to wind back time now.

“So what happened, then?”

Lev eyes flick up and then away again, find the same middle distance he’s been staring into all night. His hand comes up, knuckles rubbing against the bare of his neck, just above the necklace. He could just be rubbing at the dried blood there. Cassius would bet half his house that he isn’t.

“What happened, Viklund-Reid?” he says again, a tiny tug back to earth. “Come on. You stole my kill, I deserve the story at least.”

“He called my guy yesterday, begging me for help with James and whatever takeover that little fuck is itching to pull the trigger on now, asking for a meeting. At first I thought about just telling him I had no wish to be caught up in that, shut it down, but… I figured it could be a chance at information. And frankly it was weird that he reached out to me directly, and at the moment James is being a right prick with my deals up north. So I went.”

Cassius nods along like the story is new to him, all while a sense of déjà-vu creeps slowly in. “But he didn’t want to talk about that at all?”

Smiling self-deprecatingly, Lev shakes his head. “He wanted to talk about me. Said I had done really well so far, better than he’d expected, but it was time to face the facts: that I’d never be what Martin was, that I’m not designed for this kind of life… whatever, you get the idea. But then when I made to leave, he stopped me. Physically. And I just—you don’t just do that, but he did—warned him too, said if he kept going like that, he’d have known if he’d just listened to me, I wouldn’t have had to, to, to—he just kept pushing, and pushing and then—”

The disjointed stream of a sentence ends in a laugh, tightly wound. Lev’s shoulders have drawn in, his jaw clenched, and he’s speaking at the wall as if it had been the one who’d wronged him, his initial audience all but forgotten in the room.

Cassius raises an eyebrow. He hasn’t seen him angry like this. Anxious like this. “Viklund-Reid?”

“—Wonder why no one likes you, fucker, sticking your nose into other people’s business, putting your hands where they don’t belong—”

“Viklund-Reid.”

“—Put down that fucking ego for twelve seconds—”

“Lev.”

“What.”

When he’s sure he finally has Lev’s attention, Cassius moves his eyes down to the knife that had appeared in his business partner’s hand and back up again, pointedly. It’s enough to make the man pause and take stock of what had seemingly been an unconscious fiddling, smoothly flicking it open and shut in rapid repetition.

It’s not the knife that bothers Cassius particularly. Lord knows he’s seen it enough. It’s the way he was holding it, fiddling with it. The specific grip to the handle. Unconscious maybe, all of it. But careful. Practiced. With intent. The same way a cat settled back and locked its gaze before striking prey. The same way a sharpshooter fiddled with a gun.

Lev clears his throat, before slipping the knife into his pocket. “I, uh. I’m gonna use your bathroom.” He pushes up off the arm of the sofa and starts walking away, but not before Cassius can cut him off at the pass.

“No you’re not. Kitchen’s closer. Has booze,” Cassius adds, before heading off in that direction, not waiting to check if Lev is following, and definitely not moving anywhere within striking distance. As much as he didn’t need Lev falling apart in his sitting room, he also didn’t particularly need a stab wound either.

Cassius steps into the kitchen and goes directly to the sink, turning on the water and letting it run before heading to the pantry and straight to the liquor.

“Is this a champagne or vodka sort of occasion?” he calls over his shoulder.

“Vodka,” comes the mumbled call from the sink. “Definitely fucking vodka.”

By the time he comes back, near-full bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other, Lev is sitting on the kitchen bench, frowning at his knuckles, rubbing at them absently with a piece of blood-pink paper towel.

“You look rattled,” Cassius says mildly.

“I am rattled.”

Cassius snorts a laugh and Lev looks up at him with something a little too tired to be a glare. “What?”

He shrugs. “Nothing. Just didn’t think I’d be spending my night talking through baby’s first murder.”

“Not my first,” Lev mutters with a scoff. “Jesus, of course not my first. Just first like this. First where I… lost control.”

Cassius frowns barely and looks Lev over, eyes narrowing in curiosity while the other man’s gaze is diverted. He’d always kind of thought… well he’d assumed how it must’ve gone down with Martin. But apparently he was going to have to ask for that story one day too.

He offers out the vodka, leaves the glasses on the bench behind him. “Drink.”

Lev takes a generous swig and returns the bottle to the bench, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Did he try that with you?”

Taking his time ripping a bit of paper towel from the roll, folding it into a square, using it to dab away the little streak of blood on Lev’s face, Cassius ponders his answer. Decides to let the other do the work. “Try what?”

Lev’s lips press together in a thin line. “If I’d known, I’d have taken care of it from the start. Or at least… wouldn’t have told you to wait.”

The image of St. Clair flashes up in front of Cassius' eyes—furious, yes, but from the other side of the table over lunch. Looking like he’d wanted to leap over it and strangle him, but hadn’t in the end. Just called him the usual—little Bergen whore—and left.

“No, he didn’t. Just ran his mouth.”

Lev’s face falls slightly, as if that wasn’t the answer he’d wanted. He leans backward, eyes narrowed, calculating.

“Sorry, did I just relieve you of some preconceptions?” Cassius says drily, feeling annoyance stir somewhere underneath the surface. He had no right. “Or did he need to have groped me a little for me to be able to be mad about it?”

“That’s not—”

“Because if I recall, I wanted the fucker gone months ago and you kept telling me it wasn’t smart. So now I’m just trying to figure out where the double standard fits into all of this, or whether I now get to present my own TED talk on self-control.”

“If he had kept his hands off of me—”

“You think I haven’t had people put their hands on me?” Cassius spits. Lev looks away. Cassius burns. “How is it that when I do this shit it’s stupid and impulsive and—”

“It is stupid and impulsive.”

“And when you do it, it’s what? Righteous?”

Bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Lev heaves a sigh. “Shut it, Bergen. Shut up.”

“Or what? Your cleaner’s going to be hitting up my place later too?”

Lev moves his hand away, looks like he’s about to bite back a response, before he pauses. Blinks, hand hovering in the air. Mouth open, then shut, and the tension fizzles slightly in the room as he flounders.

For the second time that night, Cassius feels a shark-like smile creep across his face as he puts two and two together. “Oh, you’re kidding. You’re kidding,” he says through bared teeth, tone dangerously low.

Dark eyes lock with his as Lev looks at him. “I fucked up. I know I fucked up.”

Cassius’ annoyance shifts gears right into anger, revving hot at the half-admission. “Say the fucking words, Lev,” he challenges, incredulous.

When the only response he gets from the man in front of him is a sheepish look and a phone pulled out of his pocket, Cassius scoffs, grabs the vodka on the bench. He’s furious, can only hold it in for long enough to take a swig straight from the bottle, and for Lev to start dialing.

“So. Just so I’ve got all of this perfectly fucking clear. You murder a guy, right, guy you told me specifically not to. Then you get in your car. Drive forty minutes here. Come into my house—”

“I know, alright?”

“—And you haven’t called your fucking cleaner yet?”

“Don’t yell at me Bergen,” Lev warns, frowning.

Laughing, Cassius gestures at him with the bottle—how dare he? Keeps his voice at the same level, because fuck this. “I’ll talk to you how I damn well please. You are in my house. You are putting my arse on the line here.”

“I’m getting it sorted,” he says with a pointed glare, phone to ear.

Cassius laughs again, eyes wide and furious. “Cutting it kind of close, don’t you think?”

Lev swears under breath as the phone clearly hits voicemail, starts to redial.

“Perfect,” Cassius scoffs, taking another swig. “Fucking perfect.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“You have the fucking murder weapon sitting on my bench, Lev,” he says, swinging his arms wide. “Are you trying to get this pinned on me?”

“I said, I’ll handle it.”

Cassius doesn’t let up. “Is this what you get off on is it? Getting friends in high places dragged down to low ones?”

“Of course not.” Lev spits, real fire in his eyes.

“Well fuck knows you don’t seem to be getting off on anything else.”

Lev’s feet hit the floor as he surges forward, and the next thing Cassius knows are two hands curled in his shirt and his back hitting the wall, vodka splashing up out of the glass neck on impact. He opens his mouth to command Lev away, but hesitates on the thought of meeting the business end of that knife—he’s already right on him, and could likely pull and engage it in a split-second, before he could even name him and finish the words.

Cassius searches the eyes of the man pinning him to the wall and for the first time since their meeting, Cassius is certain Lev Viklund-Reid could kill him.

So when Lev rushes forward all at once, Cassius can’t help the gasp that leaves him. He’d almost be embarrassed by the shocked sound of it if the noise wasn’t stolen from his lips in half a second by Lev’s own.

Lev kisses him hard. Hungry and desperate. Like he’s trying to tell him something words aren’t enough for. Cassius feels like he’s stuck a beat behind just trying to decipher it. And then just as he starts to melt forward into it, just as he brings his hands up to touch, Lev’s gone again, the weight of his body disappearing as completely as if he’d turned to smoke while Cassius’ eyes were closed.

“What-” Cassius blinks his eyes open, hand almost reaching for a man who isn’t there anymore.

Lev’s standing a few feet away, wide-eyed and halfway horrified. “Shit, I’m so sorry. You- I’m- I’m an idiot. ”

“No, it’s-” Cassius brings his hand up and back to his lips, silences himself, stops the words that want to come out. The kiss still feels trapped there, just beneath his fingertips. “It’s fine.”

“Shit,” Lev repeats. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Lev, just-” come back here. Do that again. “Calm down, a sec.”

“Jesus, I- I’m losing it,” Lev says, and alright well that stings just a little. Cassius keeps his place on the wall, tucks his hands behind his back and presses them flat against the plaster.

“I’m fucked.” And there’s that mad laugh again. A torn out, twisted thing that hardly suits him but still seems to fit. “I’ve fucked this.”

“Lev…”

“No, I’m-“ he makes a pained expression, like shame and apology all wrapped up in one scrunch of the nose. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking-“

“Probably that you need an alibi,” Cassius says evenly, shrugging a shoulder as he pushes forward, risks a step or two closer. “I’m a good one. And the staff all love you. They’d vouch for you even if I don’t threaten them.”

He doesn’t get too close—who’d approach a wild animal with its hackles still raised? But still makes himself available. Approachable. He could be the lantern in the distance if the man needed it, but he knew it wasn’t wise to press, even after Lev had initiated. Maybe especially so.

This time when Lev crashes forward, head landing heavy against Cassius’ chest, Cassius manages to catch his gasp before it betrays him. The aftershock runs through him like a thrill and settles alongside his heart, pounding like a bass drum right beneath where Lev’s head is pressed. He wonders if Lev can hear it. If he does, he doesn’t mention. Cassius, in turn, doesn’t mention the way Lev is shaking.

"St. Clair was right. I'm too… too…"

Unbidden, Cassius brings his hand up, resting it gingerly on the back of Lev’s head, bottle of vodka still hanging from the fingers of his other hand. “Shut your mouth.”

It falls quiet around them. Between them. The echo of the sink dripping, the sound of the clock from the hall, Lev’s breathing as he steadies himself. That’s all. Cassius keeps expecting Viklund-Reid to shove him off. For the feeling of a blade pressed to his gut. It never comes.

It feels strange, dangerous even, holding a man who barely an hour before had killed another for daring to do less. But he’d be lying if he said it doesn’t feel good as well. And that’s wrong, maybe, after the night that Lev’s had. To enjoy holding him like this. To feel soothed by it.

Cassius closes his eyes ever so briefly. Maybe he’s the one who’s fucked. Oh well.

"Look,” Lev says, after a minute or two. “I know we're probably even now, but just in case... if you tell anyone about this, I'll gut you. And all that."

Cassius blinks and laughs, feeling the sound reverberate along his own ribcage and out through Lev’s back. “Sure. As long as you call your cleaner up after.”

And he has no idea where the fuck the impulse comes from, even less so why he listens to it, but he turns his head, presses a kiss to Lev’s hair.

Both men tense. Breath caught. Moment frozen.

Lev pulls back to look at him, expression indecipherable, and Cassius opens his mouth to say something – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, please don’t stab me – he’s not sure what, and then Lev’s phone rings. Like a spell’s been broken, they both flinch away.

“That’s my-”

“Yeah.”

The air feels electrically charged and all at once Cassius can’t figure out how to hold himself in the room, ends up pressed back against the wall where Lev had left him a few minutes earlier as Lev walks from the room, phone pressed to his ear.

“Winters. Sorry to bother you this late—yeah, it’s alright. Would you mind crunching some numbers for me?”

Cassius tips his head back against the wall and exhales through his teeth, blowing his cheeks out, fingers tapping against the plaster.

It took a lot to get him unsettled. And this wasn’t that, he wasn’t unsettled exactly but he was… something.

He closes his eyes, takes another swig and wipes his mouth clean with a rough hand. Shakes his head at nobody but himself. This is stupid. Three hundred and sixty degrees of stupid. Dangerous. That’s what it is.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

When exactly had he developed a crush on a mobster? On the untouchable, inimitable Lev Viklund-Reid?

He lets out a laugh, wild and bubbling, hopes that Lev can’t hear it from the other room.

Oh, Jesus. Alrighty then. So. He’s fucked.

#noncon touch cw #alcohol cw #death cw #dark timeline au #cassius bergen #lev viklund reid #i love them so so much

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