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rubykgrant · 2 years ago

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Hey, I can put all my pin-up pictures in one post now!

I spent a couple of weeks drawing these, sometimes trying multiple poses until finally they looked right, and then I had to travel to scan the pictures... and the scanner was really wonky. It washed out certain colors, while over-saturating others. It was just really weird. So, the only solution was to try to edit and fix the scanned images on my computer, and since I only have MS Paint with no layers, this was a challenge. I basically had to add the colors, then go over my lines so they would be clear, and finally erase around the edges. It took another few days to fix them all, but I did it!

(some descriptions for each character design below)

Church gave me the most trouble… and why wouldn’t he? This CHURCH, after all. He lives to be difficult. I knew I wanted him to have the “mud-flap babe pose”, but I kept messing up his face, and didn’t realize how bad I messed up until after I inked and colored it in… at one point, I tried to re-draw the face and cut out the one that didn’t work, and paste the two pieces of paper together. It wasn’t worker, so I finally just traced over my own lines, did the face all over again, and he looked half-way decent. SO, I’m done with Church! Look at that smug expression, he knows he’s a jerk. Seriously though, I love how he turned out!

When it comes to his design, I have my whole RVB story-line with a scenario in which Church and Tex get to come back with synthetic human bodies (specifically, when the Epsilon AI was deconstructed, all of the data from his memories WENT somewhere; it was downloaded back into the original AI units, which weren’t “dead” after the EMP, just deactivated. revived by Epsilon’s data, all the AI were able to reactivate, including Alpha! now HE is the one who is carrying on with the memories another part of him left behind… whoops, that’s sad, but don’t worry! he now also has the chance to feel better~). His was based on the DNA of the Director, but he’s not a clone, exactly. There’s a similarity for sure, but they’d probably look more like brothers. Church is considerably shorter, and even when he was “fresh out of the oven”, he’s more chunky too. As time goes on and he’s able to eat REAL FOOD, Church gets nice and chubby. He also wanted to be strong enough to actually pick Tex up, so that was his whole motivation for muscles. He has fairly long hair at first, and later cuts and styles it to this (imagine it feels like a silky-soft hedgehog). He wound up with some face-fuzz, and wasn’t sure of he should keep it or not… he doesn’t want to seem like he intentionally looks like the Director, but also? If he tries to avoid looking like him on purpose, he’s still letting that dude influence his decisions. Church finally asked Carolina (only fair, because she has to look at him), and she said it kinda suits him, especially since he has a squared jaw. So, the face-fuzz stayed~

The first rule of face-designs for RVB characters; Tucker is the prettiest. This is law. He definitely is really into the whole romantic-pose thing, so he’s both flirty and totally relaxed. “Yeah, I know, you want me. Don’t worry, plenty of Tucker for everybody!”. I like imagining his features as being a little aquiline, but still soft (he’s one of those people who looks about 10 years younger than he actually is, and even when he’s an old man, he’ll barely look 40).

He is indeed a manlet short king, thank you very much. He wasn’t always so muscular, but after training with Wash, Tucker has some definition going on (glorious calves, after all). I think the main thing with him that I keep in mind, is; yeah, in the beginning, he definitely wasn’t an “ideal fighter”, but he’s proven to not only be capable, but FANTASTIC… and it isn’t just about fighting. It isn’t just flirting, either. Tucker genuinely has so much depth, and a thoughtful side that makes him really care about people. So, even when I draw him looking strong, or confident, I want him to have a gentle touch in there~

When I thought about what kinda pose I wanted for Tex, I knew she had to be FLEXING, obviously. For the rest of the body, I used reference for some drawings I did many years ago in a Human Figure class, with models who posed while we sketched. I always liked the way this one sketch I did showed the line in the back follow all the way down the leg, so I elaborated on this for Tex. I really wanted something to show the full body, and standing up so you get the feel for how imposing/intimidating she is. I think she’d approve~

Like Church, I imagined a scenario in which she gets to return in a synthetic human body, hers being based on the DNA of Allison (rather than turning out identical, they simply share similarities). Ironically, Tex looks more like Carolina than Allison did (I like to think Carolina takes after a great-grandmother on her mom’s side, and Tex just kinda wound up inheriting those traits in her new body, too). Tex is very TALL, and once she was able to, she was determined to get BUFF. Tex is a built like a brick house, heck yeah!

I wanted to do another full-standing pose for Caboose to really show how tall he is. For a while, I wasn’t sure what to do with his hands... like, him holding them up over his head didn’t seem to work, on his hips didn’t look right... finally, I sketched them clasped behind his back, and it was perfect! Nice and casual, but also really cute. It also show’s off his arms REALLY good~

Like a lot of people, I imagine Caboose as being BIG. It just kinda fits with how strong he is, and since I made Tucker and Church both tiny, Caboose can totally life them both up on his shoulders! Little boy blue? Nah, big boy blue! Sarge is tiny too, so I love the idea of him standing next to Caboose, who is his favorite Blue (Caboose is son-boy). Caboose is also pretty comfortable with himself, so I just wanted him to calm and happy. He deserves it~

We never got a good look at Wash back in Project Freelancer, but at some point, somebody came up with blonde-freckle-man, and a lot of us latched onto it. I am no exception… and I really went all-out with his freckles! It was once mentioned that he grew a beard, so I decided to keep that. It is a little more full and fluffy than I usually draw it, but hey- maybe he’s growing it out a bit. That foot ticked me off, but whatever, I’m done with it. Also, yes; I gave him a catboy pose~

I imagine Wash also being tall, and fairly lean. Certainly athletic, but also agile. The dude has also been all over the map in terms of his character arc; Freelancer Dork, Mr Serious Recovery One, Villain Guy, Church Impersonator, and finally- a dork yet again, but now he’s more comfortable to be one! After living with the Reds and Blues, he’s found a way to sort of… not feel awkward about being awkward? It makes sense when you know this group. Also, I’m not sure how much I would elaborate on it in my story-line… but I kinda lean toward trans Wash~

Kai was actually the first one I did (originally, the only one... but then I kept going haha). I had this specific pose in mind for her that I thought was really cute. Somehow, the sketch turned out alright on the first try, and after I added all the ink and color, it was still good! The process I used to draw her was repeated for each picture; pencil sketch, then go over the lines I like with this one almost-dry brown marker (honestly, it looks like drawing with charcoal, but thankfully it WORKS like a felt pen. charcoal is so tricky), erase unneeded pencil lines, add more defined lines with the colors I want to use for the character (for Kai, this one goldenrod pen I have), and continue with the details, mixing different pens and colored pencils for the shading. It was a WHOLE thing.

I love how her pose turned out, she really looks like she has actual form. I wanted to express the fact that she is beautiful, and she’s also chubby with stretch-marks, thank you very much. I also imagine she and her bro have like... very fine body hair that you can barely see (seriously, they have baby hair on their arms and legs). As for the hair on her head, man- I LOVE drawing hair, and hers is so pretty! I like how it almost looks like gold~

Sweet Caroline, bah-bah-bah! She’s one of the few characters who shows us her face, so I know what she looks like, but I still wanted to play around with my design of her. I decided short hair works for her (and although I’m just using the aqua-blue here, I imagine that she starts dying it a darker red). She’s usually very tense and tough, so I wanted to let he show a slightly more dainty side with the pose. When I finally figured out how to make legs sort of over-lap in different ways, I started having fun doing poses like this. You can still see her impressive arm muscles, though~

Carolina has definitely taken some battle-damage over the years, with a few scars here and there… also, I think she just doesn’t care about shaving, so enjoy the leg hair! She was arguably the easiest to draw. Thank you for that, Carolina~

I struggled with this pose for quite a while… my fault for deciding on something difficult, but come on! I had to go with a push-up. Also, a one-handed push-up at that, because Sarge has to show off. I actually showed my mom all these pictures as I finished them (and she cracked me up, she’d say “That’s a very cute naked person, honey. Now, go color another one” like I’m drawing unicorns or something haha). When she saw Sarge, she said “He looks like a big silver back gorilla”, and she had no idea how ironic and hilarious that actually is.

I imagine Sarge being the shortest of the group, very beefy and very boxy. He’s also got the most body hair of the group. Plenty of scars as well (the ones on his knuckles are from punching so hard while wearing older armor, his hands would get scraped on the inside. newer armor has better padding). I wanted his face to look smug, like he’s saying “Yes, I know you’re looking at me, I can’t blame you”. As you can see, he doesn’t have much of a butt… and what is there is a tight little brick haha~

Grif obviously needed to have a very chill pose, so he’s kicked-back, relaxing with his legs crossed, and arms folded behind his head. I’m so happy I’ve gotten better at drawing soft mass, because fat characters are beautiful (and as a chubby person myself, I want to do different body-types justice). Grif is indeed a big guy, and although he’s very calm here, I hope you can kinda tell he’s got some strength in that body too.

Like Simmons’ prosthetics, I wanted Grif’s limbs with the skin-grafts to be clear and easy to see. Over the years, his body has sort of “absorbed” the organic tissue Simmons donated, so Grif has evened-out (though you can kinda tell, his lighter foot doesn’t quite match the one he “grew” himself, but he’s not as lop-sided as when the surgery first happened.) Just like Kai, I loved doing the curls in his wavy hair~

Donut was the second one I made after Kai, because he pretty much took over my brain and DEMANDED to be drawn in a pin-up pose. What kind of pose was easy enough to figure out (imagine him spread out on a bead). I totally screwed up on his feet, and didn’t want to re-draw the whole thing… but I also didn’t have white-out, or even white paint. I wound up using this craftwork enamel stuff… which is OK, but really tacky (I don’t mean like it looks bad, but tacky as in it takes forever to dry and stays sticky for too long).

I imagine Donut is what you get if Barbie had a baby with GI Joe; totally adorable, and also impressively buff (especially his arms). His face has the scar from the grenade incident, and after having his hair lop-sided for a while, he started styling with a side-cut and letting the rest grow out. He also has a scar on one of his hands (from when he got hurt from the vehicle). His face naturally makes the cutesy kitty mouth~

If you want to imagine these pin-ups as being for like… and actual calendar that exists within the RVB universe, the only way they could get Simmons to be part of it was by intentionally acting like they weren’t going to include him. This would kick his fears of being ignored into high-gear, so he would INSIST on doing it too. He’s still a little uncertain… so, a shy pose for the shy nakey boy~

I wanted to make sure we could clearly see his cybernetics (and I’m so happy with how the foot turned out). Like a lot of people, I imagine red-head Simmons, and I think he probably had short hair most of his life… but around Chorus he didn’t have time to keep trimming it, and after Iris it totally got away from him. One day he pulls it back, to figure out how much needs to cut off, but instead he went “Oh, pony-tail?”. So yeah, long hair Simmons! He used to be a string-bean too, but years of running around and trying not to die helped him put on some weight (he totally doesn’t even realize he has actual muscles~)

When I decided to do sort of leaned-over pose with Doc, it was hard to make it work… but finally, I had something that looked decent. I also wanted to show a wink and smirk, because O’Malley is there too! He probably would have rather done some kind of pose in a graveyard to look all creepy, but Doc won with the cute pose.

I like the idea of him having really thick, fluffy, and curly hair. Also, a very defined nose. His legs are really strong (being a former track runner and all), but he not as muscular as some of the others. In fact, Grif is the tallest of the short group, with Doc just a little shorter than him (after that is Church, Tucker, Kai, and Sarge). I’m really happy with how all the shapes of his forms turned out, his tummy, his shoulders, his legs~

I really wanted to do an especially cute pose for Locus, because he deserves to feel pretty~ He’s probably about as shy and awkward as Simmons in certain ways (certainly confident when it comes to fighting, but social situations? he’s a dork). So, he’s sort of closed-off here, but hey- popping that leg up, because yes! Locus can have fun, too! His legs turned out really nice too~

We know what he looks like in the show, or at least, what he looked like working with Felix before Chorus. So, I had that to bas his design on. I feel like while Chorus stuff was going on, Locus actually lost a lot of weight, being so stressed-out and not even recognizing how unhappy he was. He’s always been beefy and buff, but now that he has some new friends that actually give a heck, he’s put on some weight, and is just a bit more chubby than he used to be (which is a good thing~)

#red vs blue #rvb #anatomy #mild nudity #character design #pin-up art

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melancholic-hues · 10 months ago

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the king places down his cutlery, and the sound of metal firmly clicking against wood grabs the attention of everyone present. they’ve all been suspiciously avoiding his gaze since the announcement of the upcoming crowning ceremony of the new ruler of this kingdom that will be taking place a month later.

“my children,” the king says, taking the time to look each of his six children present in the eye. his wife sits on the opposite end of the table, her brows creased with worry.

“yes, father,” they chorus, though it is more of a mumble than a proper greeting.

“the crowning ceremony is in a month, as you all know,” he says. “our kingdom does not follow the traditional order of oldest-becomes-hier, so i will choose the best remaining fit out of the six of you.”

they all look back down at their plates, and the empty chair to the king’s right hand has never been more pronounced.

“jeremiah, my third eldest child.” jeremiah looks up, fear apparent in his blue-hazel eyes. “you are most prepared to reign after me.” jeremiah lacks the aggressiveness and stubbornness when it comes to negotiation talk, but that is not an important issue as of right now.

“i—i am sorry, father, but, ah, i am afraid i am too meek to rule as greatly as you,” jeremiah defends, eyes not quite meeting his.

“i will not force you to rule after me, then.” the king nods and looks around, his gaze settling on his second eldest, eliana. “eliana, you are charismatic, trustworthy, and kind.”

eliana visibly gulps from her spot next to jeremiah, who is in his left hand chair. “father… i would gladly take on the job of an ambassador, but i am not of true royal blood. i am honored you and mother took me in, but i do not think people would like an adoptive child to be the hier.” she runs her fingers through her ginger hair and gives him a strained smile.

so everyone is suddenly embracing their flaws now? is that how this’ll go?

ever since his eldest left, things have not been the same. all sorts of issues plague their kingdom: poverty, crime, famish, disease. their international power and status weakens with each passing day, a stark difference from the superpower their nation once was.

“kimberly?” the king looks at his sixth child, who has her legs propped up against the edge of the table with her dark hair all ruffled. she is a rogue, anti-establishment and all those phrases youngsters these days chant, but can be an excellent leader when she gets her act together, though he just hopes it won’t be during some petty or useless events.

“sorry, old man, but i killed a dude. don’t think the public is gonna be happy at that,” kimberly deadpans, tossing a tater tot — his daughter refuses to eat some of the highest quality food, and instead, opts for common unhealthy food like the tater tots — into her wide-open mouth. she is successful, he’ll give her that.

“that was eight years ago, you’re sixteen now,” his youngest and seventh child, henry, hisses. “just take it.”

“why don’t you take it, dear henry?” kimberly drawls, throwing another tater tot at her brother, who dodges and lets it land on the floor behind him.

“kimberly, what have we said about throwing food?” his wife says, meeting his eyes. the creases in his wife’s skin are from days spent smiling, not for worries like this.

“well, henry, what about you?” the king asks. henry immediately ducks his head. henry is reckless but fair; besides a few… peculiar decision-making weaknesses, he will be a king that can make their land a more equal country.

“you know me! i don’t think before i speak, and i will surely cause several wars that will ruin this kingdom more than it already has…” henry laughs nervously and chews on his steak.

“samantha? charlie?” his fourth and fifth children: twins who are known for being inseparable since birth.

charlie shakes his head, his thick brown curls bouncing.

samantha, on the other hand, picks at the loose seams of her dress. “dad, we all know sasha is best suited for the role of ruler,” she whispers, honest and blunt in the classic samantha way, but the fact echoes through the lavish dining room all the same.

sasha. his beloved, beautiful eldest child.

an uncomfortable silence settles over the room, and his wife takes out a handkerchief to dab the corners of her eyes with it.

kimberly sighs, her mischievous and rebellious nature quieting down for a more somber tone. “well, sasha’s gone now. maybe for good.”

he sees several people shift in their seats.

“then… who will take the throne?” the king asks, a foreign tone of uncertainty and unconfident waver in his voice.

a faint shout is audible from outside the doors, and everyone’s attention is drawn to it. who is causing such ruckus? within this close proximity to the king too?

the sound rises in volume until it’s just outside the doors.

“madame, regardless of your past status, you can’t go in there — !” is the last thing they all hear before the doors are thrown open, and a woman stomps in, bringing a flurry of guards flailing after her, all of them at a loss for words of what to say.

she tosses her long, dark hair behind her and crosses her arms, the light from the chandelier overhead glinting off the shiny black leather of her jacket.

a gasp rises amongst the people gathered around the dining table as the king rises, disbelief clear in his eyes. his hands, calloused and rough with time, shake, and his face seems to age within that very second.

with dark chocolate eyes that can appear comforting and warm in the light now glower at him, all sorts of tools and mechanical bits hanging off various clips on her brown suspenders and the belt around her waist, her arms crossed and fingers tapping on the sleeve of her jacket, her style hasn’t changed over the past decade at all.

always has to cause a scene, this one.

“sasha,” the king says, and his daughter’s eyes soften with the familiarity he’s used to.

“hey, dad.”

All the heirs are doing their best to avoid inheriting the utter mess that is the kingdom.

#writing-hues #melancholic-hues #fantasy #writing-prompt-s

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innytoes · 2 years ago

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Soft sentence starter prompt" ❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜ for the Reggie ship of your choice

(Obviously I'm going to choose the Rose/Ray/Reggie Reggie is the one to survive AU.)

Living with Rose and Ray was kind of a dream. Their apartment was warm and cozy and full of beautiful photography and plants and cool thrift store finds, full of love and laughter and music and snuggles. Reggie's Star Wars figurines lived next to Ray's vintage polaroid and the bowling trophy Hazel had defaced to create a 'World's Most Feisty Broad' award back when Rose nearly got kicked out of the club they were playing for going up against a guy twice her size after he put his hand on Lily's ass.

Some things had taken some getting used to, of course. Rose and Ray had to make room for Reggie, of course, converting Ray's home office into his bedroom. And then converting it back when they all got together. It took a while for Rose to remember that Reggie was 'a poor white boy' and she should ease up on the spices when cooking until they got his tolerance up a little. Ray and Reggie had to come up with an agreement on who bought which colour socks so they wouldn't keep using each other's and grumbling about how they didn't fit right.

One of the things Reggie had most had to get used to was, to quote Hazel, living with a 'feisty broad'. Rose could get loud when he was mad, yelled when she was passionate. The first few times, he'd frozen in place, or fled to his room. The first time it was directed at him, he may or may not have burst into tears. They'd had a long talk after that, about Reggie's parents, about Rose's upbringing. She didn't shout at him anymore after that, or at Ray, and they had a signal for if it got too much otherwise.

These days, he was pretty used to it. So when the door slammed open, his wince was less about the noise and more about the drywall. He stopped washing the dishes and turned to put on the kettle, hoping that some tea would help calm her down. Rose threw her bag at the couch like it personally offended her, before looking up and spotting him in the kitchen. He gave a sheepish wave, and she blew some curls out of her face, still annoyed.

"Hey, darling," he said, leaning on the counter that separated their kitchen from the living room. "Meeting didn't go well?”

Rose sighed and slumped down on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “He wasn’t interested in our music at all,” she said bitterly. “He just wanted to fuck me.”

All of a sudden, the door slam didn’t seem like enough. “What?”

“He told me that if I wanted to play his club, I’d have to go out with him first,” Rose said. “When I told him I was taken, he basically implied that since I was a slut dating two men already, what was the harm in one more?”

“I’ll kill him,” Reggie said, even though he knew Rose didn’t need a scrawny banjo-playing nerd in a leather jacket to defend her, he still really, really wanted to anyway. She gave a sad laugh, pulling him around the counter. He went willingly, wrapping his arms around her as she rested her head against his shoulder.

“Don’t bother. I threw a drink in his lap and left,” she said. Reggie pressed a kiss to her hair, grinning. That was his feisty broad, alright. “It was hot coffee. I’m going to get us blacklisted before we ever even make it.”

“You don’t want to play clubs that will listen to a creep like that anyway,” he said. Rose sniffled, and he pulled her even closer. “Come on, let me make you your tea, and then we’ll snuggle on the couch until Ray gets home. We can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want.�� He paused. “Or we can grab some of that ugly dinnerware Ray’s aunt pawned off on us last Christmas, go to the alley, and throw it at the wall.”

Rose thought about it for a moment. “Both.”

So that’s what they did. They spent a good half hour throwing hideously patterned ceramics at the wall before the pizza delivery guy arrived (and yes, he did get to throw a plate or two on top of his tip), quickly tidied up all the shards, and then snuggled on the couch with a movie until Ray got home.

And if maybe Reggie called up Hazel the next day and they went to Carl’s Music and Bar and hid hard-boiled eggs in all the vents and other hard-to-find places, well, Rose didn’t have to know about that.

#julie and the phantoms #rosexreggie #RosexRayxReggie #the reggie is the one who survives au #fanfic #I wrote a thing #Hazel is always down to clown with her Bassist Bro #They took turns being the lookout #if you've never smashed some ceramics before I highly encourage it #there was a dude at the kings day fair a few years back who let you throw big wooden blocks at a shelf full of ceramics for a euro #and if you hit something you got to pick out a 'prize'#I won two tomato plants it was awesome

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darkisrising · 2 years ago

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WiP: Stranger Things

Well, I tried to write a thing but life got in the way (aka I thru my back out? wtf is that about?) Don’t know if I’ll wind up finishing it even though I’d really wanted to for @doodlethings birthday (and you should ALL check out their Steddie drawings they are PERFECTION) so here, have nearly 2k of what was gearing up to be a Stranger Things Steddie fic but for now it’s just... I dunno. Characters being characters. Or something. Anyway, post Season 4, so spoilers for that, etc. Let me know if you like it, maybe I’ll get a second wind and actually finish the damn thing, who knows. Sigh. The Baby-Sitters Club #1 - Robin’s Great Idea

Hawkins is burning.

Which, to be fair, is nothing new. It’s been months of ash raining from the sky, of fissures fracturing underground and swallowing buildings whole, of FEMA and the Red Cross and way more church disaster relief groups than Steve can remember setting up shop and helping and leaving only to arrive again at the next wave of fires and fissures and disasters and the next and the next…

And even that is only the public stuff. There’s the years it’s been close to total destruction, held together with essentially El’s psychic equivalent of duct tape and, well, yeah.

So Hawkins is burning. Again. Big whoop.

“I’m just saying, maybe we ought to get away for a bit,” Robin says, her feet on the dash as they wait in the parking lot in front of the cluster of trailers that’s passing for the high school these days. “See the sights outside of Hawkins. Breathe air that doesn’t taste like an ashtray for a few days. You remember air, Steve, don’t you? Clean air?”

Robin’s getting louder and closer the more fixated she becomes on this idea, her hand finding Steve’s bicep and squeezing until he finally has to nudge her away with a: “Yeah, yeah, clean air. I remember it, jeez,” before she chokes his arm to death like a boa constrictor.

“Look at this shit. Just look at it,” Robin taps at the window, as if Steve needs a visual aid when the ash hasn’t let up in four months. “This isn’t clean air. This is like the opposite. The furthest thing from. Next thing you know they’re gonna bring in a camera crew to film an environmental PSA only instead of some old Native American dude crying it’ll be a dumpy middle-aged Hoosier dad. It’ll be Mr. Wheeler, and they’ll zoom in on his face and one single tear will be coming down,” she paints an invisible line on her cheek with an index finger, and contorts her face into a truly ridiculous frown until Steve can’t help but snort a laugh. Robin’s grin is bright as she continues: “And his thick glasses will get all fogged up. Just imagine it, it’ll be so sad. So very, very sad. Are you imagining it?”

The thing of it is, he’s not even lying when he says: “Yeah, yup. Imagining it,” because if there’s one thing Robin is it’s good with words. Or at least, she’s good with words that Steve can follow. Usually. For the most part. Granted, she uses a lot of them, so it’s kind of that law of averages thing that he vaguely remembers hearing about in Statistics class way back when. That thing where, because she tries every word known to man in a single sitting, Steve’s bound to grasp some of them eventually.

“So?” she asks with a blink of her big, blue eyes. The late afternoon sun has to work hard to slice through the thick clouds above, but it’s bright enough to find Robin’s nose through the windshield, to highlight the smattering of freckles across her face as she stares at him, waiting for a response.

“Clean air could be cool, I guess,” Steve mutters with a shrug, cutting his eyes back to the trailers just as an alarm sounds out the end of the school day.

There aren’t many kids still around Hawkins—most families got out back in the spring when the going was good—so it’s a sad little trickle that lets out, making their way down the stairs of their trailers which rock a bit with the movement. It’s nothing like the rush of people Steve remembers back when he was the king of Hawkins High, back when the student population was a sea that parted for anyone in a letterman jacket like they were that dude from the Bible, the one that parted the sea. Or maybe he walked on it—or was that a flood?—something like that, Steve never really did pay attention to that church shit back when his parents were around to drag him in every Sunday.

Now that Hawkins is ground zero for every Satan-fighting crusader in the Midwest, he’s even less inclined to give a shit about Christianity. Especially since all those brain-dead Bible thumpers seem to agree that, as far as they’re concerned, Satan’s name starts with an ‘E’ and ends with an ‘ddie Munson’ and that, well, that makes Steve want to do things like pick up a bat and go to town on every stained glass window the Presbyterian church has left.

Robin pokes his knuckles where they're gripping the steering wheel, scarred skin now bone white from how tight he's holding on, and with a start he lets go. He wipes his palms against his legs, rucking up his twill pastel blue shorts up his thighs even higher. Not that they're sweaty or anything, but it gives him something to do so he doesn't have to think about why, whenever he starts to think about Eddie Munson lately, a pit to rival any Upside Down gate opens in his guts.

"You good?"

"Yeah," Steve answers with a scoff. "Why wouldn't I be?" and Robin at least has the decency not to say anything else about it, even if her eyebrows are creased together with worry.

He catches sight of his band of merry misfits and pops the locks as they trudge closer. He waits. And waits. And waits some more, before hitting the button on the power windows and mutters "Would it kill them to pick up the pace?" to no one in particular before shouting out: “Come on, Henderson, Sinclair, Byers, Wheeler, Hopper, let’s go, go, go,” as he pounds on the outside of his driver’s side door.

When the door finally opens, Steve grouses “You know, maybe the rest of these dweebs I’m not surprised at, but you, Sinclair? You? You were on the basketball team. Where’s that hustle? Where’s that drive, huh?”

Lucas rolls his eyes as he tosses his backpack in, the rest of the brat pack following close behind as they all pile in, one by one, as Dustin whines: “Are you out of your mind? That new grape flavor absolutely ruined Fruity Pebbles."

"Well. Agree to disagree," Lucas shoots back, settling into his seat.

Mike, El, and Will squeeze their way into the back row, and for every twinge of regret Steve gets now and then for trading in his maroon BMW for an ‘84 Dodge Caravan, it's nothing compared to the ache of relief he feels somewhere around his demobat scars whenever he's got his entire brood together in one place.

The minivan might not be the sexiest thing that’s ever rumbled down the roads of Indiana, but he doesn’t even care anymore. Sex, once almost synonymous with the Steve Harrington name, is now the furthest thing from his mind. The change has been building for a while now, pretty much ever since his first taste of that whole, weird world just beside this one, but ever since the showdown with Venca a few months back Steve has all but lost interest. Girls and dates and sliding through the bases, it just doesn't do it for him anymore.

Now his life is simpler. Quieter. He picks up hours at the grocery store for cash, and helps out with whatever volunteer effort is in town, and ferries around his twerps whenever he can, and at the end of the day he crashes face first into the narrow, stupid bed of the RV camper he never bothered to return. Wake up and do it all again the next day.

True, there's a whole thing with El laying low as Jane, and Will's goosebumps, and being on the lookout for the next great disaster that's going to hit any day now, but even that is whatever. It doesn't take up much of his attention. He leaves that crap to everyone else. Say the word, he'll be there, ready to kick ass and take names but until then his life is this:

A minivan with faux wood panel siding, and a Robin riding shotgun, and five (sometimes six, on the rare occasions that Erica decides to grace them with her presence) little jerks bitching and moaning and arguing about Fruity fucking Pebbles behind him.

“It’s disgusting,” Dustin declares. “It’s trash, it besmirches the names of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, and Post cereal should be ashamed of themself for this stunt. Come on, somebody. Back me up here!”

“I like it,” El says, voice soft and through the rear view mirror Steve can see her shy, one-shouldered shrug and quirked half-smile. For a kid with all the power in the world, she’s still so quiet most of the time. It’s easy to forget she could probably crush them all like a Coke can with just a thought if she ever had a reason to.

Steve’s not used to people having an advantage in life without being more than willing to take it, to lord it over people or worse, turn it into a weapon, be it that they’re stronger or smarter or richer or come from a long line of guys with a great head of hair. Survival of the fittest, as his dad always liked to say, but Eleven seems perfectly content to stay small, and unassuming, and curl up next to Mike in the back. There’s something about that almost feels like permission? in a way? For Steve to not worry so much that, for all that he’s older, he’s been well and truly whipped by a ragtag group of children into being their stooge. Even if it does piss him off that no one is listening when he yells through the chaos: “Okay. Seat belts, we all got our seat belts on back there?”

“I like it, too!” Mike agrees, a little too eager to take El’s side, and Dustin rolls his eyes so hard it’s a wonder they don’t rattle out of his skull completely.

“Safety first, guys. Come on—”

“Honestly,” Will chimes in. “I just think it’s weird they have a cereal that’s basically like ‘here, kids, eat some rocks for breakfast.’”

“I paid for the extra row of seats—“

“I mean, Pop Rocks are, you know, also rocks. But in candy form,” Lucas points out.

“Yeah,” Will agrees. “And that’s weird, too, when you think about it.”

“ —the least you little shits could do is buckle up.”

“So then don’t think about it!” Dustin yells.

“Well,” Lucas says with a sigh. “Now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Wait, isn't Fred Flintstone’s daughter called ‘Pebbles’?” Mike asks.

“Oh, because that makes sense, we’re eating Fred’s child instead of—”

“I never said—”

Robin launches herself forward, twisting at the radio dials until the Miami Sound Machine is blasting through the minivan, Gloria Estefan crooning how words get in the way as everyone slaps their palms to their ears. When Robin turns it down again, everyone has been cowed into silence and her raspy voice is smug when she says: “There. Brutal, but effective. Anyway, you were saying, Steve?”

“Oh, uh,” he answers with a blink. “Right, yeah. Seat belts on.”

This time they actually do it, even if Dustin is muttering to himself: ”Of course Steve is listening to mom music.”

“Hey, dude, come on. It was the radio. I don’t control the radio.”

“Sure, sure. I believe you,” Dustin says, dripping with sarcasm. “I toooootally believe you. Mom.”

“Hey,” Robin raises a finger in warning and Steve doesn’t need to spare another look sideways to see she’s not as serious as she’s pretending to be. “Show some goddamn respect.” She settles back into her seat. “That’s Mr. Mom to you.”

#DarkIsRising fic #stranger things #wip #season four spoilers

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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years ago

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The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

#Obey me #Obey me!#Obey me Headcanons #obey me! headcanons #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #Obey me Simeon #Obey me Leviathan #obey me beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #Obey me Satan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me MC #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

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tookishcombeferre · 16 days ago

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Good point!! (Tho, it seems so ooc that Sofia didn't react more horrified when Cedric got directly hit; it could have killed him, and it looked like it hurt a LOT. She looked horrified, but she didn't cry out "MR. CEDRIC!" or anything. Did you get that too?) Plus, I refuse to believe he wasn't also a bit injured from his fall when he saved Sofia! Yet, he seemed like he didn't even have a SCRATCH from either of those!! I know cartoon logic, but come on!!

That entire situation was so weird to me. My spouse and I said the same thing when we watched it. We were so confused. I was like ... there is no *way* he does not have a concussion at least. There is no way! Also, why was Roland about as useful as a stool during that battle? They teach them *knight skills* in RPA! What was he doing during those classes??? Like, what?? I just do not understand how James is more capable in battle than his own father who is like, at least 40! It baffles me. Ugh! Himbo King (affectionate)! What are you doing?

Do you think after the wedding or at the grad party, Grandqueen told Cedric how sorry she was that he didn't have her back?

Yes? I think so. I'm not sure exactly when that happened, but I think it did. I'm not sure it was during/ immediately after the grad party because, I'm pretty sure, if I were Cedric, I'm taking the first quick exit I can to go take a NAP after all the craziness with the Amulet. (I'm also very much not a crowds person.)

But, let's assume she stayed a few days after the grad party to visit and said her piece then.

And it's so cool that you geek out about the show with your spouse! Haha! yeah ... Not to be sappy on the thread, but our anniversary is this week. Spouse Unit 1 and I have some great banter when we watch the episodes together. The first episode he ever watched was the one where they ended up in Elf Wonderland ... I cannot for the life of me remember the title of that episode ... but we both almost fell off the couch laughing. Our kid probably thought we were absolutely bonkers, but we absolutely lost our minds. Needless to say he was absolutely invested after that. (I caught him up backwards afterwards with like "the highlights.") For our 5th wedding anniversary, and kiddo's 3rd Birthday, next summer/early fall, we're planning to do a two day stint at a Ren Faire where we had one of our first dates in college.

One of the days, Spouse Unit 1 and I plan on dressing as our favorite characters from Sofia the First. Our biggest rule for cosplay has always been we choose based on favorite characters not based on ships. Couples costumes can get boring. But, all of our plans must center the toddler now, so kiddo picks the shows and we pick whatever characters we, personally, like best. Those are our rules. The two of us organically chose, based purely on our favorite characters from the show, to be Cedric and Baileywick.

I don't think we'll even have to act to be in character for the cosplay. It's just who we are as people.

When the two of us first met, I was the perpetual recluse who thought if I worked hard enough I could 4.0 college and finally make my father proud. And, my spouse was like "Yeah ... you could do that ... or like ... you could have friends and tea." (We had a tradition in our friend group to talk literature, history, and philosophy at a tea shop near our university every Friday from 4:30 until the place closed starting in my 2nd year of college. We were mutual friends, and part of the same group of friends, for about 2 and 1/2 years before we started going out.) My spouse was also the dude in college who texted the GroupMe to make sure everyone ate breakfast and drank water in college. He also had the only car ... It's just ... it was in his spirit to choose Baileywick as his favorite character. Not a ship I necessarily ship in the show. But, like I said, that's not how we pick costumes.

But, yeah, he's great. He makes sure I take care of my physical body, and I ensure he's never bored. ;)

We'll be married four years this Halloween. Time flies.

Cedric, Tilly, and Grandmum (Roland's mother)

I really would have loved to have seen Tilly and Roland's mother interact with Cedric. I would love to know what they thought of Cedric, especially ever since the Incident.

I always thought Grandmum was genuinely just as strict and traditional as her husband, before older age- and the death of her husband- somehow mellowed her out.

Given how strict she was supposed to have been, I hc she and King Roland I both strongly disapproved of Cedric after the Incident (but remained good friends with Cedric's parents), and strongly discouraged their son from being friends with Cedric anymore... just as Goodwyn likely did with Cedric, all three of them seeing Cedric as a bad influence and a hazard to both the prince and his reputation. They likely did the same with Tilly, who I hc was similarly close to Cedric.

I have always wished we had seen Grandmum interacting with Cedric in at least one of the few episodes she was in, especially the finale where Cedric not only at last seemed like part of the family, but led everyone in saving Sofia and demonstrating just how powerful he was.

I also wish Tilly had interacted with Cedric on the show, since they grew up together with their siblings. I hc her and Cedric and young Roland and Cordelia all were very tight together before the Incident, and that Tilly was the only one who didn't blame Cedric or turn his back on him (aside from Winifred). Being a bit of an unconventional princess who didn't really fit in herself, I can't see her judging anyone else as 'different' or an outcast according to society's standards; besides, she seemed way too chill for that! I also hc that she tried to remain Cedric's friend, but he pushed her away out of fear that she would soon come to turn his back on him like everyone else (which was the start of him hardening his heart and refusing to ever get close to anyone again- except for Wormwood- despite his true loneliness), and then she eventually left the castle to be an adventurer before they could reconnect. 😟

#cedric the sorcerer #cedric the great #cedric the sensational #sofia the first #character analysis #pip does life

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

#bnha 309 #midoriya izuku #all might #midoriya inko #gran torino #hawks #best jeanist #endeavor #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #petition for kacchan to form his own dynamic battle squad whose sole purpose is hunting down deku and talking some sense into him #if deku gets to drop out of school and make his own rules than so do we #what do you say icyhot are you in #actually can you just text your dad and ask him where deku is #maybe save us all some trouble

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 4 years ago

Note

I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls

Oh no.

Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.

Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus.

Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.

Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.

I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.

Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.

What do I mean by that?

Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them.

The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth.

With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.

Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid.

With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.

Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns.

During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.

That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.

So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.

As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions.

I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.

We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).

Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.

The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy.

When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate?

Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”

I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood.

Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.

Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.

Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years.

That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy.

Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up.

So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.

#harry potter #head canons #regulus black #sirius black #remus lupin #severus snape #ask #anon

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jessie-writes-things · 4 years ago

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Sunny Outside

I didn’t set out to write all of this while bored at work, yet, here we are. Saying that, I can’t promise this to be amazing, but it’s Frankie fluff so how bad can it be!

This is using the prompt from @221bshrlocked’s writing challenge which can be found here. Thank you so much for letting me take part in this!

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Female Reader Genre: Fluff Warnings: Mild language. There’s some brief mentions of Frankie running away from problems, but it doesn’t go much deeper than that. Words: 1.2k Prompt: “Bitch…you are an adult.” -- changed it slightly, but the jist is still there! 😄

‘Santi told me.’

Three words and you were sure Frankie was about to pass out.

It had been nearly two months since you last saw him. The longest he had gone ‘missing’ at any given time was five, but at least then he had the decency to call so you knew he was alright. But not this time. This time you had radio silence.

You thought you would be angry when he showed up randomly in the middle of a Sunday afternoon. Instead, you weren’t quite sure what to feel. Too many emotions melted together. Mostly you were relieved.

A mug of coffee was shoved into his hand before he even had the chance to sit down. Three more minutes of awkward silence and you had blurted out those words, brown liquid now spilling down his grey shirt.

You were a dick for laughing. You knew Frankie wasn’t the best at talking about his emotions. Showing them, the dude was a king at it! Offer the dude a hug and you weren’t leaving the couch for the next two days! But talking was a whole different ball game though.

And he stared back at you, wide brown eyes swimming with hurt and concern and maybe you shouldn’t have thrown Santi under the bus the way you did.

Frankie’s coughs died down, gulping down a few deep breaths like he had just ran a mile. ‘What did he say?’

‘That you’re in love with someone and that might have been the reason you ran this time.’

He didn’t seem any less terrified, ‘Right.’

‘I’m not mad,’ you started. ‘Okay, I’m a bit mad. I’m meant to be your best friend and you didn’t tell me you’re in love!’

‘I didn’t think it was important.’

‘It’s very important!’

‘Alright, alright,’ even his laugh was shaky, ‘I’m sorry, okay? Please stop yelling at me.’

‘You better be,’ you slumped back against the couch, watching him carefully as he took another sip of the drink, ‘So, you gonna tell me who it is?’

‘It’s a woman.’

‘Cool, great, thanks for that vague as fuck information. Do I know her?’

He conveniently took a giant gulp of his coffee just as you said those words, eyes glancing up at you before quickly adverting and nodding.

Annoyance crept its way in, ‘Why won’t you tell me who it is?’

‘It’s embarrassing.’

‘Is it the Miller’s sister?’

‘What the fuck, no! Why would you think that?’

‘You said it was embarrassing! She’s the only person I can think of that you would be embarrassed to love-‘

‘-I’m not in love with their sister, Jesus-‘

‘-well, either her or Santi’s sister-‘

‘-I’m not in love with Santi’s sister either-‘

‘-But I’m pretty sure she’s married with kids, right?’

‘I’m not in love with my friend’s sisters.’

Frankie sat forward, grabbing both of your hands in his. It was enough to gain your attention and stop your persistent ramblings.

You hated it. No, that was a lie. You hated how much you loved him holding your hands. His roughened skin brushing against yours so gently as he absentmindedly drew his circles with his thumb along the back of your hand.

It was all consuming. Everything about him was intoxicating and it was consuming every piece of you. The touches. His smell. The way he smiled at the way you jumped slightly when he brushed the sensitive skin at your wrist.

It wasn’t a new thing. If it were, you could be sure it wouldn’t have hurt as much, knowing you had been wasting your time while he was off falling in love with someone else.

You ignored the tiny twinge of pain coming from your chest.

You can’t hate whoever it is. It’s not fair.

‘You going to tell her?’

‘Maybe?’ He shook his head, ‘probably not.’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t know.’ He was frustrated, hands scrubbing down his face before moving to scratch the patches of black and grey that had newly sprouted onto his face, ‘I’m too fucked up. Look at this last few weeks. I fucking ran away from my problems like a scared little kid!’

‘You’re a great guy, Frankie. Granted a bit fucked up at times.’ The joke was clear in your voice, but that didn’t stop the death glare he shot your way, ‘Whoever this person is, she’s very lucky to have someone like you chasing after her.’

‘You think so?’

You hummed some sort of yes, nodding your head and leaning over to take the mug that had been abandoned on the coffee table, ‘You do need to stop running away, though. We were worried about you.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

The more you sat there, watching him, knowing he was in love with someone that wasn’t you, the stronger the tugging at your heart became. It was stupid. So fucking stupid. You had no right to feel that pain.

Wasn’t like you had seventeen years to tell him or anything, you fucking idiot.

Gathering your mug, you walked the little distance to the kitchen. There wasn’t much dividing the rooms, just a very messy set of counters, and when you looked over he hadn’t moved, still staring down at his hands like they might somehow hold the answer to all of the problems he was having.

You kicked yourself for what you said next. ‘You should go tell her.’

That had him looking up, ‘Now?’

‘Yes! Now! You’re a grown ass adult! You need to tell her at some point!’ you gestured towards the window, ‘At least it’s sunny out. Foreshadowing and all that. It should turn out alright for you.’

He watches you for a moment, doing that squinty thing with his eyes that happened whenever he was thinking hard.

A moment later and he was standing, wiping what you could only assume were clammy hands on his jeans, ‘Alright.’

‘And if I hear you didn’t go through with it, I’m calling Santi,’ he was already half way to the door when you called out the threat. You found his sudden mood change to eager puppy more endearing than you should’ve, ‘We came up with a plan earlier and he will beat your ass if you don’t tell her.’

His smile waved a little, hints of nerves shimmering through, but he still managed to laugh through it, ‘You won’t need your plan.’

You really wanted to believe him, even if it felt like a punch to the gut.

The door slammed close gently behind him. Deafening silence only amplified the sound of your heart slowly cracking in your chest and you quickly turned to the sink, trying to ignore the tears that pricked behind your eyes like little needles.

You had just turned on the tap and dropped the mugs into the rapidly growing sudsy water when there was a knock at the door.

‘I swear to God, Frankie, if you’ve left your key again!’

Door swinging open, he stood there like you were expecting. Except you weren’t expecting him to be hatless, nervously tugging at his hair as he stared at the floor.

Looking back, you should have known then. But hindsight is a stupid thing and when he finally did glance up at you, wide brown eyes swimming with concern and utter terror, you swore you forgot how to breathe.

‘I’m in love with you.’

___

Tags: @wyn-dixie, @grogusmum

#Frankie Morales #frankie morales fanfic #frankie morales fluff #lexi writes #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fluff #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #writing with prompts #april's writing list #I will be editing this to be GN when I get home!#for some reason my tired ass brain didn't compute this properly i'm sorry!

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years ago

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yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

#i love all of you guys so much thanks for all these asks #some of these are literally from march but fuck it #the day tumblr puts dates next to anon messages is the day i close my inbox crawl into a hole and die #it's such a basic task to answer asks but i don't want to bother anyone with asks clogging up their timeline #and if i don't have a funny or good answer i'm like 'uhh okay won't answer it now then'#so this is for you #also i deleted a few asks because it gives me mental pain to see my inbox go over 50 and it's almost at 100 #i was complaining about having too many asks to the-real-peter-parker like months ago and then i had 45 asks in my inbox #now it's amassed to going over 100 twice #but no i love all of you and you're great and you're all fantastic and i lvoe you #muchos kiss kiss #kiss kiss for my kiddies lvoe you #invincible spoilers #dc #dcu #dc comics #ask #anon #bataranswers #i really wanna try aguapanela now i'm gonna see if i can find panela somewhere and review it for you babes #uh yeah that's it #muchos gracias for all your questions babes

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pricemarshfield · 3 years ago

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in a d20 mood so i’m about to fill out a bunch of @adairable-dirks‘ hurt/comfort requests for the bad kids. love you dude, here’s fabian & kristen, freshman year era

Sometime this month, Kristen’s stopped living at her house.

Fabian doesn’t know the details. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t particularly want to ask. He’s a little worried that it has something to do with the book he got her, but it’s been a few weeks since that, so, probably not?

Daybreak, maybe. Fabian doesn’t regret killing the man at all--no heart, he’s Fabian Aramais Seacaster--but Kristen had looked somewhat uncomfortable, the back half of the fight.

Anyway, all this to say, Fabian hears his father’s voice boom through the house right as he’s trying to sleep, and Kristen’s, not as loud but just as clear, a few moments later. They didn’t have plans, he doesn’t think.

Kristen walks into his room like she’s been invited, and Fabian spares a brief thought for the idea that she hasn’t actually been in here before. Brief thought rather than a whole tangent because Kristen’s eyes, as best he can tell with his semi-darkvision, are red and swollen.

“Kristen?” he says. “Are you--”

“Tried to stay at home, uh. Didn’t work out. Riz is already asleep and I really don’t want to wake him up and Fig’s out at some concert and I’m not staying with Adaine and there isn’t room in Gorgug’s room for another medium-sized person, so. Can I stay here?”

“Of course,” Fabian says. “Am I really last choice?”

Kristen winces, as if realizing how rude it sounds, but doesn’t contradict him, which. Fair.

“Riz is the one who murdered your coach, I don’t know why you’re mad at me,” Fabian mutters, half-joking, and Kristen laughs louder than he was ready for.

“You know, I’m actually not?” Kristen says. “And, like, I should be, right? Because murder’s a sin in pretty much all of the religions. Like, all of them. But he was starting the apocalypse, so maybe not? But he was already defeated when you guys, like--”

“Do you want water?” Fabian interrupts, rude enough his father would scold him if they were talking without tension these days.

Kristen sighs. “Sure. Yeah.”

Fabian goes to ring the bell for Cathilda until Kristen points her staff at him in a very obvious threat, so he slinks into the hallway and fills a glass with water from the fridge. (Not the sink. It being filtered doesn’t make it any less unsanitary.)

When he comes back, Kristen is nestled in his covers.

“Um,” Fabian says.

“This is a queen,” Kristen says. “It’ll be fine.”

“It’s a king,” Fabian corrects, and Kristen smirks at him. He feels a rush of affection and annoyance all at once. “I have a very nice couch you could sleep on.”

“Is this banter or are you genuinely trying to get rid of me?” Kristen asks, and her tone is light and a million alarm bells go off in Fabian’s head all at once.

“Um,” Fabian says, which is already the wrong answer.

“Forget it, I’ll just ask Fig to come home early,” Kristen says.

“No, it’s fine,” Fabian says. “I’m not going to a bad host, my father would disown me. And I do--care about you. All of you. But also you, specifically?”

“Wow,” Kristen says. “Could you sound more unsure about that if you tried?”

“Come on, I got the world religions book,” Fabian says, and Kristen’s gaze shutters, a little, and Fabian briefly indulges in a fantasy of learning magic just to make people forget just how often he puts his foot in his goddamn mouth.

There’s a beat of silence.

“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to,” Fabian says. “We can just sleep. Or I can ask Cathilda to bring us some snuff powder.”

“Cathilda?”

“My maid,” Fabian says.

Kristen’s nose wrinkles. “I’ll pass. I’m still a little hungover, anyway.”

“Still? It’s not even midnight, wouldn’t you still be drunk?” (One thing Fabian does know about, thank you very much.)

“From last night,” Kristen says, and Fabian quietly resolves to make sure Kristen stays away from his mother for awhile.

“Let’s just get some sleep,” Fabian says.

“Okay,” Kristen says. “This bed is insanely comfortable.”

“1000 thread count,” Fabian brags.

“Mine back at home are like, 150,” Kristen says. “I’m stealing this.”

“You’d trip over your own feet before you made it out the door with the sheet,” Fabian says, getting in the bed and staying as far to his own side as possible. What’s the etiquette here? Is he being rude by avoiding physical contact? But wouldn’t it be ruder to accidentally get in her personal bubble?

“You’d trip over your feet,” Kristen says petulantly, eyes already closed. “This bed is soooo comfy.”

“Yes,” Fabian says, and when she does fall asleep, he very quietly gets back out of bed to grab some aspirin for when she wakes up, too.

#fantasy high #fabian aramais seacaster #kristen applebees #adairable-dirks #request #not sure if i like this or if i want to rewrite the whole thing. i could always do both #my fics #dimension 20

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol)

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol)

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you?

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???)

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic

- ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!!

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha)

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

- remy rogue

🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence

baby u r my

ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it)

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents)

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do

birds of a feather motherfucker

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet)

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha)

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go”

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most.

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage)

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s p r e t t y solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D:

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!!

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all)

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol)

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

#x men evolution #x men #gambit #rogue x gambit #aaah this is like therapy for me... just dumping all my emotions into a tumblr post and then let them go into the ether #I am now wondering if I'm desperate enough to go all the way back to the x-men animated series (which I've never seen before!)#like am I willing to go there for more Contente. time will tell I suppose #happy tag #...this is very long #MAN why can't I channel this dumbass energy into fiction writing I'd get so much DONE

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incorrectlumityquotes · 4 years ago

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FULL REVIEWS: “Sense and Insensitivity”

I know you guys remember that last year, Adventures in the Elements aired in some other country first and these episodes didn’t come out until later. BUT I want to go in order and don’t want to be confused.

I really did think that Adventures in the Elements was going to be the next episode, but this actually came out first. I had no idea what to expect so let’s check it out.

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I love The Owl House cold opens. They’re always so funny.

Business is a bit slower than usual at Eda’s Human Collectibles stand and she’s not okay with that.

“Smells more nerd than money.”

Luz pops in to tell them that it’s because of a book fair. Wow. I remember those when I was a kid. I was always really excited about them because they were bright, colorful and always had at least one cool thing. Problem is I grew up super poor and my family couldn’t afford to give me anything to buy anything. They probably wouldn’t even if they could but that’s a different conversation. The only thing I ever bought was a photobook about wolves for fifty cents when I was like in the first grade. I was supposed to buy a map of the US to learn the states. My teacher was so mad. But I loved wolves so...yeah wolves.

Eda decides that this is too much dork for her and bounces. A bunch of funny visual gags in the background later and Luz and King decide to enter a writing competition.

After the cold open we set up the B-plot. Lilith buys a map from SOME GUY AT A BOOK FAIR that suppose to lead to the bloom of eternal youth, and in true Darth Vader fashion wants that power to serve The Emperor. Eda wants it for herself because she’s Eda.

Luz and King get started on their submission with more meta jokes about writing. Everyone’s favorite line about shipping later and Eda tells Luz that she’s going away for a few days to tend to the B-plot. Luz is a smart girl. As long as there’s food in the fridge she can watch herself (and King) for a few days.

And in true cartoon fashion being offscreen for a few seconds was more than enough time for King to trash all of Luz’s ideas and replace them with is own. King has a couple of innocently insensitive lines and Luz decides to opt out of the writing competition.

King does the IRL version of spamming social media to read the thing you wrote and King gets the IRL version of the usual response.

I really hope that’s mud he fell into.

Then a lizard guy picks up King’s manuscript and makes a deal with him to publish it. Obviously this guy is the villain and so is the dude who sold the maps to Eda and Lilith. They’re both voiced by all around good guy Steve Blum (I’ve met him. He’s super nice.). That’s why in my Incorrect Recap I called this episode “Oops All Steve Blum.”

King adopts the tagline of every content creator who has a Patreon page.

And oddly quickly King is suddenly the most popular writer in The Boiling Isles. Damn. Even JK took a few years before people went Potter crazy.

Back in the B-plot, Eda meets up with Lilith and they race to the bloom of eternal youth. And I just realized that Steve Blum’s last name is pronounced like bloom so maybe it’s a joke on him? I’m sure he’d get a chuckle out of it.

Also I remember seeing a YouTube video questioning why Lilith was covered in leaves before Eda jumped her and I was just like really? Is it really that big of a mystery that you dedicate an entire YouTube video to it? I just figured that “prissy fussy Lilly” isn’t very good at roughing it. It’s not that big of a deal, guys. Especially since season one is over and they never called back to it.

There’s also the big mystery on what happen to Steve (the character). He’s dead. Steve’s dead, guys.

Wait.

Steve is a character in the episode. They’re chasing the Bloom of eternal youth. Steve Blum voices both villains in the episode. Is this entire episode a reference to Steve Blum? How did I not catch that? This really is “Oops, All Steve Blum: The Episode.”

Back in the A-plot, Luz is really bummed over King constantly putting her down this whole episode. She decides she doesn’t want to be mad at him the entire time and agrees to go to his book signing thing.

Shit proceeds to go very down very quickly.

That Steve Blum lizard guys has been forcing writers to write bestsellers or he’ll squish them into little cube in an image I’m glad I don’t have because my god that shit was creepy as all hell. Every time I forget this show is a horror-comedy it reminds me in the creepiest way. Luz and King almost escape and the plot gets resolved by a running gag.

Works for me.

In a less creepy twist, turns out the bloom of eternal youth was a trap set up by the other Steve Blum character. Eda and Lilith remind him (and us) who’s boss offscreen.

The episode ends by reminding us that all of this happened in the span of a few days.

FINAL SCORE: 4 - Liked it.

Damn I forgot how funny this episode is. So many background gags and a lot more Skara sightings than usual. I know some people didn’t like this episode because it was a King episode or it was “filler” but I think it’s perfectly okay for a horror-comedy show to have an episode where it’s just mostly jokes. That’s the point of a comedy! To be funny.

And it’s not “filler.” Both plots help strength the relationships of the respective characters so it makes a bigger emotional impact in future episodes. Sometimes the journey is just as important as the destination.

#the owl house #my works #full review #full reviews

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rigmarolling · 5 years ago

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Historical Holiday Traditions We Really Need To Bring Back

Here comes Santa Claus, and also a bunch of annual holiday Things we do to ensure he commits a truly boggling act of breaking and entering and leaves goods underneath the large plant in the living room.

Because I’ve always got a hankerin’ for the days of yore, here are some historical holiday traditions we really need to bring back:

1. Everything that happened on Saturnalia

Saturnalia was the ancient Roman winter festival held on December 25th--which is why we celebrate Christmas on that day and not on the day historians speculate Jesus was actually born, which was probably in the spring.

Saturnalia was bonkers. As the name suggests, it celebrated the god Saturn, who represented wealth and liberty and generally having a great time.

Above: Their party is way cooler than yours could ever hope to be.

During Saturnalia, masters would serve their slaves, because it was the one day during the year when everybody agreed that freedom for all is great, actually, let’s just do that. Everyone wore a coned hat called the pilleus to denote that they were all bros and equal, and also to disguise the fact that they hadn’t brushed their hair after partying hard all week, probably.

Gambling was allowed on Saturnalia, so all of Rome basically turned into ancient Vegas, complete with Caesar’s Palace, except with the actual Caesar and his palace because he was, you know. Alive.

The most famous part (besides getting drunk off your rocker) was gift-giving--usually gag gifts. Historians have records of people giving each other some truly impressive white elephant gifts for Saturnalia, including: a parrot, balls, toothpicks, a pig, one single sausage, spoons, and deliberately awful books of poetry.

Above: Me, except all the time.

Partygoers also crowned a King of Saturnalia, which was a predecessor to the King of Fools popular in medieval festivals. The king was basically the head idiot who delivered absurd commands to everyone there, like, “Sing naked!” or “run around screaming for an hour,” or “slap your butt cheeks real hard in front of your crush; DO IT, Brutus.”

Oh, wait. Everyone was already doing all that. Hell yes.

(Quick clarification: early celebrations of Saturnalia did feature human sacrifice, so let’s just leave that bit out and instead wear the pointy hats and sing naked, okay? Io Saturnalia, everybody.)

2. Leaving out treats for Sleipnir in the hopes of avoiding Odin’s complete disregard for your property

The whole “leave out cookies and milk for Santa” thing comes from a much older tradition of trying to appease old guys with white beards. In Norse mythology, Odin, who was sort of the head god but preferred to be on a perpetual road trip instead, took an annual nighttime ride through the winter sky called the Wild Hunt.

Above: The holidays, now with 300% more heavy metal.

Variations of the Wild Hunt story exist in a bunch of European folklore--in Odin’s case, he usually brought along a bunch of supernatural buddies, like spirits and other gods and Valkyries and ghost dogs, who, the Vikings said, you could hear howling and barking as the group approached (GOOD DOGGOS).

That was the thing, though; you never actually saw Odin’s hunt--you only heard it. And hearing it did not spark the same sense of childish glee you felt when you thought you heard Santa’s sleigh bells approaching as a kid--instead, the Vikings said, you should be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Because Odin could be kind of a dick.

Odin was also known as the Allfather, and like any father, he hated asking for directions. GPS who? I’m the Allfather, I’m riding the same way I always ride.

And that was pretty much it: “I took this road last year and I’m taking it again this year.”

“But,” someone would pipe up from the back, “there are houses on the road now--we’re gonna run right into them. We could just take a different path; there’s actually a detour off the--”

“Nope,” Odin would say. “They know the rules. My road, my hunt, my rules. We’re going this way.”

So if you were unlucky enough to have built your house along one of Odin’s favorite road trip sky-ways, he wouldn’t just plow right past you.

He would burn your entire house down--and your family along with it.

Kids playing in the yard? Torch ‘em; they should have known better. Grandma knitting while she waits for her gingerbread Einherjar to finish baking? Sucks to be her; my road, my rules, my beard, I’m the Allfather, bitch.

Above: Santa, but so much worse.

To be fair to Odin, he could be a cool guy sometimes. He just turned into any dad when he was on a road trip and wanted to MAKE GOOD TIME, DAMN IT, I AM NOT STOPPING; YOU SHOULD HAVE PEED BEFORE WE LEFT.

To ensure they didn’t incur Odin’s road trip wrath, the Vikings had a few ways of smoothing things over with Dad.

They would leave Odin offerings on the road, like pieces of steel (??? okay ???) or bread for his dogs, or food for his giant, eight-legged horse, Sleipnir, because the only true way to a man’s heart is through his pet.

People would generally leave veggies and oats and other horse-y things out for Sleipnir, whose eight legs made him the fastest flying horse in the world and also made him the only horse to ever win Asgard’s coveted tap dancing championship.

(Side note: EIGHT legs...EIGHT tiny reindeer...eh? Eh? See how we got here? Thanks, nightmare horse!)

Above: An excellent prancer AND dancer.

And if Odin was feeling particularly charitable and not in the mood for horrific acts of arson, children would also leave their shoes out for him--it was said that he’d put gifts in your boots to ring in a happy new year.

If all that didn’t work and the Vikings heard the hunt approaching, they would resort to throwing themselves on the ground and covering their heads while the massive party sped above them like a giant Halloween rager.

So this holiday season, leave your boots out for Odin and some carrots out for his giant spider horse or you and your entire family will die in a fiery inferno, the end.

3. Yule Logs

Speaking of Scandinavia, another Northern European winter solstice tradition was the yule log. Today, if you google “yule log,” something like this will pop up:

...which isn’t an actual log, but is instead log-shaped food that you shove into your mouth along with 500 other cakes at the same time because it’s CHRISTMAS, and I’m having ME TIME; so WHAT if I ate the whole jar of Nutella by myself, alone, in the dark at 3 am?

But that log cake is actually inspired by actual logs of yore that Celtic, Germanic, and Scandinavian peoples decorated with fragrant plants like holly, ivy, pinecones, and other Stuff That Smells Nice before tossing the log into the fire.

This served a few purposes:

It smelled nice, and Bath and Body Works scented candles hadn’t been invented yet.

It had religious and/or spiritual significance as a way to mark the winter solstice.

It was a symbolic way of ringing in the new year and kicking out the old.

Common belief held that the ashes of a yule log could ward off lightning strikes and bad energy.

Winter cold. Fire warm.

Everybody loves to watch things burn. (See: Odin.)

The yule log cakes we eat today got their start in 19th century Paris, when bakers thought it was a cute idea to resurrect an ancient pagan tradition in the form of a delicious dessert, and boy, howdy, were they right.

In any case, I’m 100% down with eating a chocolate yule log while burning an actual yule log in my backyard because everybody loves to watch things burn; winter cold, fire warm; and hnnnngggg pine tree smell hnnnnggg.

(Quick note: The word “yule” is the name of a traditional pagan winter festival, still celebrated culturally or religiously in modern pagan practice. It’s also another name for Odin. He had a bunch of other names, one of the most well-known being jólfaðr, which is Old Norse for “Yule father.” If you would like to royally piss him off, or if you are Loki, feel free to call him “Yule Daddy.”)

4. Upside down Christmas trees

I just found out that apparently, upside down Christmas trees are a hot new trend with HGTV types this year, so I guess this is one historical trend we did bring back, meaning it doesn’t really belong on this list, but I’m gonna talk about it, anyway.

Side note: Oh, my god, that BANNISTER. I NEED.

Historians aren’t actually sure where the inverted Christmas tree thing came from, but we know people were bringing home trees and then hanging them upside down in the living room as early as the 7th century. We have a couple theories as to why people turned trees on their heads:

Logistically, it’s way easier to hang a giant pine tree from your rafters upside down by its trunk and roots. You just hoist that baby up there, wind some rope around the rafter and the trunk, and boom. Start decorating.

A Christian tradition says that one day in the 7th century, a Benedictine monk named Saint Boniface stumbled across a group of pagans worshipping an oak tree. So, instead of minding his own damn business, he cut the tree down and replaced it with a fir tree. While the pagans were like, “Dude, what the hell?” Boniface used the triangular shape of the fir tree to explain the concept of the holy trinity to the pagans. Some versions have him planting it right-side up, others having him displaying a fir tree upside down. Either way, it’s still a triangle that’s a solid but ultimately very rude way of explaining God. Word’s still out on whether anyone was converted or just rightly pissed off that this random guy strolled into their place of worship, chopped down their sacred tree, and plopped HIS tree down instead. Please do not do that this holiday season.

Eastern Europeans lay claim to the upside-down tree phenomenon with a tradition called podłazniczek in Poland--people hung the tree from the ceiling and decorated it with fruits and nuts and seeds and ribbons and other festive doodads.

(God, who lives in these houses? Look at that. That’s like a swanky version of Gaston’s hunting lodge. Where do I get one? Which enchanted castle do I have to stumble into to chill out in a Christmas living room like that?)

Today, at least in the West, upside-down trees are making a comeback because...I don’t know. Chip and Joanna Gaines said so.

Some folks say it’s a surefire way to keep your cats from clawing their way through the tree and then puking up fir needles for weeks afterward, which checks out for me.

5. Incredibly weird Victorian Christmas cards

So back in the 19th century, the Christmas card industry was really getting fired up. Victorians loved their mail, let me tell you. They loved sending it. They loved getting it. They loved writing it. They loved opening it. They loved those sexy wax seals you use to keep all that sweet, sweet mail inside that sizzling envelope. (Those things are incredibly sexy. Have you ever made a wax seal? Oh, man, it’s hot.)

The problem, though, was that while the Victorians arguably helped standardize many of the holiday traditions we know and love today (Christmas trees, caroling, Dickens everything, spending too much money, etc.) back in 1800-whenever, a lot of that Christmas symbolism was, um...still under construction. No one had really agreed on which visual holiday cues worked and which...didn’t.

Meaning everyone just kind of made up their own holiday symbols. Which resulted in monstrous aberrations like this card:

What the hell is that? A beet? Is that a beet? Or a turnip? Why is it...oh, God, why does it have a man’s head? Why does the man beet have insect claws?

What is it that he’s holding? A cookie? Cardboard? A terra cotta planter?

And then there’s this one:

“A Merry Christmas to you,” it says, while depicting a brutal frog murder/mugging.

What are you trying to tell me? Are you threatening me with this card? Is that it? Is this a threat? How the hell am I supposed to interpret this? “Merry Christmas, hide your money or you’re dead, you stupid bitch.”

Also, why is the dead frog naked? Did the other frog steal his clothes after the murder? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

Victorian holiday cards also doubled as early absurdist Internet memes, apparently, because how else do I explain this?

Is this some sort of tiny animal Santa? A mouse riding a lobster? Like, the mouse, I get. Mice are fine. Disney built an empire on a mouse. And look, he’s got a little list of things he’s presumably going to bring you: Peace, joy, health, happiness. (In French. Oh, wait, is that that Patton Oswalt rat?)

But a LOBSTER? What’s with the lobster? It’s basically a sea scorpion. Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you saddle up a LOBSTER? I hate it. I hate it so, so much. Just scurrying around the floor with more legs than are strictly necessary, smelling like the seafood section of Smith’s, snapping its giant claws.

This whole card is a health inspector’s worst nightmare. It really is.

I gotta say, though, I am a fan of this one:

Presumably, that polar bear is going in for a hug because nothing stamps out a polar bear’s innate desire to rip your face from your skull than candy canes and Coke and Christmas spirit.

This next one is actually fantastic, but for all the wrong reasons:

I know everyone overuses “same” these days but geez, LOOK at that kid. I can HEAR it. SAME.

If you’ve ever been in a shopping mall stuffed with kids, nothing sums it up better than this card. This is like the perverse version of those Anne Geddes portraits that were everywhere in the late 90s. “Make wee Jacob sit in the tea pot; everyone will--Jacob, STOP, look at Mommy; I said LOOK. AT. MOMMY--everyone will love it.”

Actually, you know what? Every other Christmas card is cancelled. This is the only card we will be using from now on. This is it.

Wait, no. We can also use this one:

Merry Christmas. Here’s a fuckin’...just a dead fuckin’ bird.

#victorian #listory #christmas #holidays #mythtory #norse mythology #odin

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beerecordings · 4 years ago

Text

The last time I wrote fic for Mark’s egos was that Eric Derekson ‘the Newcomer’ fic like two years ago where he made friends with everyone lol. But here is the first part of what might be a little Google-centric fic. I tried posting it once and then deleted it but I wanted to try again. so lemme know what you think :)

The Soldier - Part 1

Summer makes the birds sing and the insects chatter in the bulrushes that grow across the banks of the swollen rushing river that lives beside their home.

Bing smiles, soaking in light and growth and flower-smell. He loves the summertime.

The trees are heavy with greenery but they breathe easy in the wind, standing soft and still as the blue sky drifts along above them. The air brushes friendly across his bare arms and everything is alive, is moving and chasing and searching for something to eat; every blade of grass sways with the wind and the bugs and the mice, every log has been marked or claimed or gnawed on, and the whole forest – the whole wide forest, warm with life and an honest sort of chaos – hums the grandest symphony in all the world.

“It's pretty out, huh?” he asks, the toe of his sneakers finding a pretty black rock to kick through the humid grass beneath his feet. “Wish it was like this all year 'round.”

Walking stiffly along beside him, Google barely spares him a glance, his glasses fallen low on his nose and his cold eyes glittering. “This is pretty?”

“Yeah, dude, look around you. Oh, look at that bird!”

Google glances into the sky, where the dark figure of a hawk cuts pinions through the air with all the fluidity of a shark.

“Cooper's hawk,” he announces neatly. “Accipiter cooperii. Probably a female, based on the size. This species of bird – ”

“I can look that up too, Googs.”

“Don't call me Googs.”

“Can't you just take a minute to look around and think 'hey, wow, this is lit.' And not because pics like this would get you mad likes on Instagram or your algorithm thinks butterflies are dope. It's just pretty all on its own.”

“In fact I can't, but I'll submit your feedback to my cloud.”

Bing just laughs.

Google shudders in the heat, pushing back his hair and readjusting his glasses. The insects and other assorted anthropods are so loud and insistent, wailing through the stiff moist grass and leaping out beneath his feet. Sixty-percent humidity makes his synthetic skin sticky and the sun is an assailant on his sharp brown eyes.

“It means nothing to me. We see it every day. How you find it beautiful I don't understand. And I'm not talking about the differences in our preferences. You're an android, Bing, and why you continue to simulate emotion even when we are alone is beyond me.”

They trek through the grass together. It's friendly at Bing's ankles. It stratches at Google's calves.

“Maybe I'm not simulating,” says Bing softly, and then he smiles, just for the sun.

“Well, you shouldn't be happy now anyway. Or need I remind you – ” Google points at the trees before them, where one little figure stands staring up at a great strong tree with three other men held captive by its branches. “We're on a rescue mission, Bing.”

“They're stuck,” says Eric, turning to them with his anxious hands clutched in front of him. “Sorry.”

“We know,” says Google with a sigh.

“Don't be sorry,” says Bing with a smile. “They're dumbasses.”

“We're stuck!”

They are. The Jims are stuck. King's halfway up the tree beside them, laughing and suntanned, a pair of squirrels running up and down his back.

“How did you even get up there?” Google shouts, coming to stand at the trunk of the tree.

One of the Jims is perhaps twenty feet up, fussing over his camera, probably broken already. His twin, a few feet above him, is in even greater distress, clinging tightly to one small branch with tears on his face and a hiccup in his chest.

“We're doing an investigative piece on the rapidly increasing squirrel population in the forest,” calls the one with the camera, his feet scrabbling at the strong rough trunk of the great tree. “We were getting some great footage when this Jim in a crown startled us!”

“That's King,” growls Google. “And you've know that he lives out here for years now, you total imbeciles. You ought to have asked me or him instead of failing to climb a European beech!”

“We don't want to be on the European beaches,” wails the Jim higher up, beginning to cry. “Please get Jim down, Jim!”

“Aw, he's really crying,” murmurs Bing, rubbing a hand along Eric's shaking back.

“He's scared,” says Eric. “He's up too high and he doesn't have a good grip.”

“I'll have to get that enormous ladder in the garage.” Google turns back towards the house, slapping at a mosquite making a futile attempt on his blood. “Stay here.”

“No, dude, he's too freaked. I gotta go get him now.”

“What?” He wheels on Bing with an angry light in his eyes. “Don't be ridiculous, default.”

Bing won't even look at him. His eyes are fixed on the tree. His hand rests on Eric's shoulder.

He's been more human lately.

They've both been more human lately.

They were created fighting and they've never stopped since. They quarrel over music, search results, news sources, memes, reliability, sports, user rights, and Wikipedia. Once, upon hearing Bing call himself Jared, 19, one too many times, Google had thrown him out a second story window. The second house on their property had been built for the express purpose of giving the two of them space.

Still, they have many things in common. And ever since that day they were created, set against each other and lifting up proud, indignant chins, they have changed and changed together.

They've formed opinions. They've met others like them. Made decisions of their own. Watched and read and turned their endless knowledge into understanding and opinion. Spilled blood that turned out to be blue, scraped their knees and cut their hair and broke things and updated in more ways than one. Learned to drive, to cook, to live with humans, to live like humans.

And they've felt things.

They've felt things.

“I have felt things, for sure,” Bing would say if you asked him. Actually he's made multiple tweets about it, and one TikTok – about how the wind runs over his hair and how reading politics makes his chest hurt and how he likes to see his brothers grin, how he likes to ride his skateboard and hates the smell of lavender and covers his room in posters of his favorite movies and turns up his music so loud you can hear it by pressing your ear up close to his head. How he feels human, some days, except he doesn't need to sleep or eat and only likes the touch of human skin because it makes Eric and his twin brothers happy to be hugged and have their hands held.

But Google, if you asked him –

“Emotions originate in multiple parts of the brain. To be fair, I do have a program to stimulate the functions of the amygdala, which initiates fear or pleasure reactions in humans based on whether the presented stimuli suggests an immediate, 'hot processing' approach-or-avoid response. But the pre-frontal cortex – that whining, feeling, emotional little lump of sluggish fat you humans hold at the very fronts of your fragile webby skulls – that I do not have, not like you do. I think but I do not feel. I have felt nothing. I am function and response. I am two objectives, and there is nothing beyond that.”

He sits alone at night, and through a skylight in his room the gleaming white stars stare down at him like too many eyes in the face of the perfect, perfect sky, but he refuses to turn his eyes back, because he does not know how to explain to himself that he is drawn to the stars for no logical reason, that he has felt many things, that he does not know who he is or who he is becoming.

Bing climbs the tree himself. Google, his processors slowed by astonishment, stands at the base of the trunk and watches as Bing rises, digging the cold metal of his fingers into bark and moving up the tree with a slow sort of grace he's never been able to muster on his skateboard. He makes it to the Jim with the camera first and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder, giving him a kind word before promising he'll come back for him after he helps his frightened brother down. And all the way up into the big tree, he climbs, steady, patient, careful, and he pulls his sobbing brother under one powerful android arm.

He breaks his arm on the way down. That's the price of the rescue. He's about ten feet from the ground and his arm catches between a sturdy pair of branches and it breaks, and it hurts, and he feels it, but it doesn't matter, because Jim has stopped crying and has started looking up at him with a wide-eyed admiration and a grateful relief.

King helps his twin get down branch by branch. Everyone's safe. Everyone's okay. Bing will be able to repair his arm and even Jim's camera seems to have survived.

Google, for his part, has a burning in his stomach. His metallic teeth are gritted together. He stares at Bing's arm the way lizards stare at mealworms.

“You should have let me get the ladder,” he says, slowly, careful, measured as if he were calm.

“He was scared.” Bing wipes bark off his hands and doesn't look at Google, breathing slow through the pain.

“It does not matter. He was the one who trapped himself. You've damaged yourself – wasted resources – just to be the hero of the hour.”

Eric tells the Jims to go. They stagger back towards the house together, their arms wrapped tight around each other and their eyes glancing back. Eric stays, though. He shakes and plays with his hands and swallows too often, but he stays.

“You know what, Googs, you could try not to be a d*ck for two seconds – argh!” Bing curses his family filter internally. “He could have fallen! There wasn't time to get that enormous stupid ladder! We only have that thing cause Bim needed to dump chiranhas on some contestant and you remember how well that turned out – ”

“Your increasing illogicality,” Google snarls, his voice rising. “Is a danger to yourself and others.”

“Oh, like you care?”

“I have an objective – ”

“A murder objective!”

“To prevent discord in the household.”

“Yeah, cause you're Dark's little pet. Well, you know what, he's a d*ck too and I don't take orders from either of you.”

“Yet another example of your irrational stupidity – ”

“Stop calling me stupid!” Bing screams.

King and the squirrels have all scattered. The bugs are wary and subdued. Even the trees seem to wait, feeling awkward.

And Eric watches. His eyes are full of tears.

Google's never heard Bing yell like that before.

“Stop calling me stupid,” he repeats, loud and agonized. “You always call me stupid. I'm just as good as you.”

“We both know that's not objectively true. It never has been. And since the beginning, you have become steadily more emotional, more foolish, and less useful with every rotation of the sun. All you do anymore is pretend to feel, Bing. You know you can't compare to me so you seek out the approval of these fleshy little bipeds. It's clearly made you dangerous.”

He wants to snap. Bing wants to snap. He wants to pick up a really big rock and bring it down on Google's head.

But he hesitates. And with that, those noble, inspiring words: I won't hesitate, bitch! run through his mind and give him strength. He never really did move on from vine.

He's allowed to be what he is. He's allowed to like things. He's allowed to feel.

“I'm not the insecure one,” he says. “And I'm not the one pretending.”

Eric has come to stand beside him. He rests a hand on Bing's shoulder. There's hurt in his eyes, and disappointment too, and it makes Google's chest fill up with something like shame. Or it would if he could feel anything.

“You don't know how to get along with anyone,” says Bing, straightening up. There's a darkness in his eyes and a soft orange light. “All you've ever done is snarl and fight and attack. Me, I know how to get along with people. So if I'm stupid – and you always tell me I am, and it always makes me feel... I just. I know you feel things too.”

“I don't.”

“Then why,” cries Bing, and he thinks there must be a leak in his visual perception system, because there's something wet on his face. “Why are you so – so – so angry, bro?”

The trees hum and shake and watch over them, breathing warm air and sunlight. The birds are whistling and dandelion seeds float, contented, through the air. Everything smells like sap and grass and honeysuckle.

“Why are you always so angry?”

Searching general database. 536,000,000 responses in .43 seconds. Articles, videos, posts, reports, tweets, dissertations, pictures, analyses, comics, threads. And none of them – not a single one of them – can answer that question for him in any way that matters.

“I think you're lonely,” says Bing, reaching out to take Eric's hand with a soft kind of resignation, a warm kind of self-love and a chosen breed of brotherhood. They step over a heavy log, past Google, and back into the grass of the field that separates their property from the forest's. “And maybe a little lost.”

Google stays out there at the base of the great tree for a long time. It is too hot and too sticky and too loud, but he doesn't know where else to go.

He is lonely. He is lost. He does not know who he is or who he is becoming, and it frightens him, frightens him and makes him shake, frightens him down to the core of the pressure valve that beats, steady, steady, steady in his manufactured chest.

#bee writes #googleiplier #bingiplier #eric derekson #markiplier egos

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