#there is something so special and raw and real about this im hurt

[shamixlour]

I'll never stress this enough...i will never get over this.

The way Carmy is so hyperaware and engaging and concerned and conscious of his surroundings, of the feelings and attentive and caring with Syd but like genuinely caring, genuinely curious and eager.

This is not pretend.

This is not fake either.

This is not some surface politeness.

No. This is real and raw and fragile and honest. He wants to know. He wants to know so bad so he asks because he wants to understand, he wants to know her (in a deeper meaning like her thoughts, her feelings, what shes thinking of, what hurts her, what makes her tired, why this makes her angry ect) and it reeks affection and a very deep human love (whereas romantic or not but i mean come on now). Besides, it is such a 360° of the way he acts with others that I'm left being like....damn, this is something. Idk what yet, I almost don't really care because this is special, this is worth it, this is something.

[good4hughes]

I MISS YOU IM SORRY

luke hughes x adelaide hunter

starting us off with a good old instagram edit, some text messages and a lil in real life !! so enjoy :)

adelaidehunter

liked by stormallen, jackhughes, _quinnhughes and 115,130 others

adelaidehunter AHHH. words can not express how excited i am to say MY DEBUT ALBUM “good riddance” is out june 21st!!! ALSO “where do we go now?” is out TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT!!

its difficult to imagine these songs living anywhere other than my most secret places, but rutger is my biggest supporter and reminded me that holding space for brutal honesty in songwriting is kind of the whole point.

i feel an unbelievable amount of gratitude for the opportunity to have made this album. writing this record allowed me to grow up in ways i needed to. it forced me to reflect and be accountable. it allowed me to walk away from versions of myself that i no longer recognize. it allowed me to let go.

also a big shoutout to my sister thats not blood, storm. shes one of the few people in this world capable of making others feel safe to their core when they are exploring the parts of themselves that are most raw. storm is rare and generous. im so glad you are my roommate, but fuck the canes btw!! ;)

thank you all for the support!!! im so nervous. im so relieved. i hope with my whole heart that theres something in here that makes you feel less alone. ill be thanking you all for the rest of my life for taking this record and making it yours!!! JUNE TWENTY FIRST!! AHHH see you at midnight!! <3

tagged: stormallen, rutgermcgroarty

COMMENTS

_quinnhughes Della!! I’m so proud of you! Cant waif to celebrate with you :)

adelaidehunter QUNNIIE!! thank you. see u soon

jackhughes Adds so proud of you.

adelaidehunter thx jacks. see u soon :)

user2 this album is gonna be so good.

user5 anyone think its gonna be about luke…

user6 u might be on to something..

user10 but his brothers commented??

user13 they are family friends, grew up together.

User30 Oh ik that tension in their summer lake house is gonna go CRAZY.

rutgermcgroarty STAR IS SHINNING !!

adelaidehunter thx!

stormallen MY GIRL!! I CANF WAIT TO LISTEN ( already have)

rutgermcgroarty yeah me too u arent special!

edwards.73 HEY I HEARD IT ASWELL!!

umichhockey i think we all heard it🙄

adelaidehunter I LOVE U STORMY!!

mackie.samo are we ignoring the fact that adel went out of her way to reply using the umich account?

luca.fantilli its lemonade she can do what she wants!

adamfantilli mackie dont be a hater now, ur just mad that u missed the listening party!!

umichhockey thx you fantilli twins!! :)

luca.fantilli we arent twins lemonade

adamfantilli last time i stick up for you.

adelaidehunter NOOO IM SORRY🙁💔

dylanduke25 good riddance: said to express relief at being free of a troublesome or unwanted person or thing.

user5 DYLAN???

adelaidehunter LMAOOO. duker thats crazy

seamuscasey26 DUDE THATS FOUL.

markestapa addieeeee LETS GO?? Im screaming at u

adelaidehunter IM NOT even WITH U??

markestapa okay.. u might be

user1303 WHAT.

lhughes_06 cant wait to listen. proud of you adelaide.

user3343 THE “ADELAIDE” HURT ME.

user559 shes definitely not replying to this!

caleb.hunter um im ur biggest supporter???

adelaidehunter thats true! i love u

user34 IM GGIGLING AHE TOTALLY SKIPPED OVER LUJES COMMENT.

user32 UR SO RIGHT OH MY GOD SHE DEFINITELY SAW IT

view more…

hughes hunter moment !!

quinn: caleb just got here. now where are u della??

jack: YEAAAH. where are u missy???

quinn: jack. we arent playing bad cop good cop.

jack: i know that??

quinn: god ur annoying

adelaide: im pulling in right now.

enough fighting please.

IN REAL LIFE!!

adelaide just parked her car, grabbing her bags from her car. she took in her surroundings, taking a deep breath in and out. the hughes hunter lake house was always her favorite place to be. something about this time seems different. the blonde let go of the negative energy before walking to the door. she opened the door, backing up feeling the door handle opening up from the inside.

“oh. hey adelaide. thought u were the pizza guy.” the youngest hughes brother was standing at the door, causing adelaide to go mute. “QUINN MOVE! IM TRYING TO GET TO THE DOOR. CALEB STOP HIM!” she heard the middle hughes brother say. “here do you want me to help you-“ the curly haired boy asked, “no its fine thanks.” the blonde spoke quietly walking into the house carrying her stuff in. “ADDS!! move LUKE!” jack said causing luke to move out of his way, the youngest brother was stood there admiring the girl.

luke checked up on adelaide a lot. always watching her stories, seeing her posts just never reached out. luke noticed how her hair still had little bits of brown in it from when she dyed her hair right after the two broke up. luke watched the two interact hugging each other and smiling. luke wished that was him. “shes my sister, why didnt i get the first hug?” caleb spoke as him and quinn finally moved over to where the group was. “she likes me more thats why cal.” jack said causing adelaide to roll her eyes, giving her brother a hug then hugged quinn. her and luke locked eyes, the three guys standing there noticed the love spark that were still there between the two.

the blonde girl broke the eye contact, “ill be back down. i gotta get unpacked.” she said shooting a small smile to the group of guys who nodded. there was a knock at the door, “great timing! the pizza here as well!” quinn smiled pushing luke to get the door as he was impatiently waiting for it. addie made her way upstairs smiling trying to make this lake house vacation will as best as she could.

caleb was at her door, seeing as though she finished packing. “you okay?” that caught adelaides attention, “im fine why wouldnt i be?” she said sitting down on her bed caleb following after her. “um i dont know, maybe its because of some certain boy downstairs? who you have been friends with since forever and then ended up to-“ “okay enough!” she said causing her older brother to laugh. “okay fine sorry! but if you ever wanna talk just let me know. im here for you, a.” the glasses wearing boy said, as the two hugged each other.

the hunter siblings went downstairs sitting at the bar with the hughes brothers already digging into the pizza. “so della how excited are you for your album and song release?” the oldest hughes brother asked, causing luke to feel smaller and tense. he was there when adelaide was writing the music, she told him about some of the songs. but once they brought up, luke knew she had to have some gut wrenching song written about him. sure he was nervous, but he would always be proud of her for any and all of her accomplishments.

“oh! im so excited, but nervous. it does feel good to have it released out to the world instead of being stuck inside with just me.” she said looking over at luke whos head was low, then brought her attention to grabbing some pizza. “so “where do we go now?”whats that gonna be about?” jack asked knowing most of her songs had meaning, jack always adored adds music he has to be her biggest supporter. “its basically me reflecting back on all the little white lies in a one-sided love that beamed as bright red flags, finally leading to ending things. and the question of where they should go, start afresh or not, looms over this delicate ballad, though remains unanswered.” she said causing luke to look up and then quickly brought his head down. “oh well i cant wait to hear it! any songs about our good man luke here?” jack asked causing luke to look up and glare at the older boy. adelaids face flushed, “you dont need to answer that a. jack is just picking.” caleb said sending the boy a wtf look.

[eyezdrawz]

im bored so im dropping poetry for y'all to see, there are prob spelling mistakes but whatever, poetry under cut TW: BLOOD, ROT, SUICIDE, DEATH, SHOOTINGS, GORE

I worked really hard on these so I'd appreciate your reblogs and comments <3

Collection of poetry by me

The liar’s real identity – Eyez

I look back on my life, cliche like others

But I wonder where I went wrong to get to who I am

And I wonder where I went right to stay who I am

Why did I meet these people who tortured me

And Who have I wronged to torture myself

Lonely nights and lively days

But I control this so why don't I change

To feel is to live and to live is to feel

But we all live so that one day we can all die

What am I feeling?

I ask everyone yet no one answers

Who am I supposed to be?

I ask no one yet everyone answers

Sensitive to everyone’s thoughts of deathbut not sensitive enough to care about yours anymore

I should but it hurts to see what has your thoughts deceived to be

Now I lie

Lie about love

Lie about pain

And all your love was shoved into vain

You can’t forgive me

And I can’t forgive myself

So let me put our hidden memories on top that dusty shelf

Educational Boredom – Eyez

Walls surrounding her

Wanting her

Trustfully closing in

On all solivagant souls

biblichor on her graphite-covered hands

Clinomania stuck in her head

Moon-struck faces fade away

Yet all she wants is to be successful

Tears fall down her smiling face

Unable to feel until it's too late

Stamina wasted on walking nowhere

Why can’t she move?

She is

Just in the wrong direction

Peacefully walking into her own grave

Say goodbye to a person who loved her

She didn't like to say I love you back

A sister in hand one in another

Justice paying a toll for one and the other

School stringing drama together

Instead of sewing study's goals

Breathing notes and spying books

Warm sweaters and itching-raw tank tops

Jumping clues go out to life

Where will I lead without any strife

Scared to love

I don't want to feel you

Scared to die

I don't want to be you

Infinite hallways lead to everywhere

Unlock the doors

Logophile, she continues to read

Humanity to one person loosing hope – Eyez

Typing things no one will read

Singing things no one will hear

Making things no one will see

Being someone something will fear

Humans are unknown yet we think we know everything

We ruminate about the world yet we dont explore it

So much to see yet not enough time to do it

We love to waste time and momentum

We love to waste effort and spirit

Hating the idea of being bullies while we bully others

It takes a special type of hypocrisy to be decievingly known

Is someone truly good?

Is something truly bad?

Is it the way we look at things?

Is it the perspective that we have to change?

Why not our actions

Why not our thoughts

Why not our people

Why not your bots

jolting up at 3 am because you heard a feather fall

Ignoring the screaming at 1 pm because you heard those sirens call

We’re to used to the bad

Take the shootings for granite

But when something is different

When something is new

Hiddin in our corrupt minds, you want to ban it

Bodies falling

Teenagers screaming

Parents begging

Stomach wailing

Its their heads hitting the ground

Its their minds in the clouds

Karma beating those who did not behave

But only after their scuicidal minds hit the grave

Your heart is not the symbol of love – Eyez

Moon shines on different roofs

Faking a smile yet loving the truth

The undead roaming like the unspoken history

Questions haunt the earth behind blind eyes

The vessel for our souls

The beast is our bodies

Shapeshifting organs twist and turn

In the bloody home we call the heart

Living the years looking like corpses

Orderly chaos consumed by our voices

Yet we have yet to rot

Living the dream in the grave you dug for me

You living the nightmare thinking its your fantasy

Good events turn to bad

Just one chime of the clock and we all go mad

The older the mind the stranger the hunger

The younger the truth the more likely the liar

Gruesome births and calm deaths

Become to newborn version of the generation

One by one we all fall apart

Fading piece by piece into extinction

Vulgar words even more the vulgar sentence

Death and love become your only special entrance

The alternative - Eyez

Sleep here in the ground

Blood behind your mind

Secrets revealed night before

You where fine just days ago

I look away from the grave

Your new home I made

I see your parents

Grieving privately

They search my eyes

Looking for my excuses

I have none to give

I raise my hands

A sign for surrender

A sign for peace

Blood drips down them

I wish my love not ceased

Weary needs, Guilt in my eyes

Sorry please don't make innocent cries

[girlgenius1111]

You said you like to keep these things in your asks to read them again - figured it’s the least I can do to try and show how much I appreciate your writing! I apologize in advance for the absolutely excessive length of this, but I’m not well know for my brevity, unfortunately.

Solstrale being so excited at IKEA - my HEART! Mapi is giving such golden retriever energy in the store I am obsessed. Solstrale starting to tear up in the store and yet Ingrid being so gentle and kind, this is simply everything this girl deserves and more. THE SUN MAP MUG? UR AN EVIL GENUIS I LOVE YOU (pun absolutely intended)

“Mapi was just happy to be there” had me giggling as I sat in bed.

“You weren’t…loveable” oh but baby you so are, and you never had to do anything to be deserving of that love. None of us do.

Your ability to write these little splashes of humor in serious moments is just…wistfully wonderful. Your ability to write golden retriever Mapi? God tier.

THE TWENTY THREE TATTOO?! Punch in the mf gut I must admit

I must say I wholeheartedly say that I sympathize with Ingrid’s inability to be chill in any situation. Her tumbling into the room asking about the tattoo is cracking me up lol.

The dichotomy of emotion between Ingrid and her sister, Mapi and Solstrale, and Mapi and Ingrid flows so well and is executed perfectly. I’m in complete and utter awe, in the most complete sense of the words! It just ebbs and flows so perfectly

ABSTINENCE IS KEY IM WHEEZING 😭

“You cried yourself to sleep that night, quietly muffling your sobs in your pillow. It was a sadness that plagued you, mixed with hope. Your parents didn’t love you, you were pretty sure of that. But it seemed like, maybe, Ingrid did.” This is gorgeous. Painful, and yet so so hopeful at the same time. The balance of heartbreak and softness is wonderful.

The phone call 💔 The call backs to Mapis experience with the Spanish camps is such a perfect comparison.

“I am never letting that woman near Solstråle again. I don’t care what I have to do. She’s been hurt enough. I won’t let her be hurt anymore.” INGRID FINALLY FUCKING GETS IT PRAISE THE LORD!

“Of course healing isn’t linear” Judas Priest I am genuinely sitting in bed with tears in my fucking eyes.

Okay their father showing up wasn’t at all what I was expecting but I am sat. Oh god…not Solstrale coming in at the worst time PLEASE GOD NO 😭

“You didn’t mean you wanted them to let you go back to Norway. You wanted them to let you go. The tension in the air thickened at this, as both of them realized what you meant.” This poor GIRL. Mapi swearing on fucking INGRID sent me into the stratosphere…oh how much they love her.

“And maybe it was also the desperation inside yourself, too,  and the ache in your heart that you knew you didn’t need to carry anymore.” No words. All I do is fucking write and I have no words to adequately describe how much perfection exists in this one sentence.

Whew. I truly can’t quite put into words how genuinely perfect this is. To reach the level of heartbreak and emotion that you do is just something phenomenal. It’s something special. How you find the moments of light and mix it with those of the dark, all at the same time. You have this most wonderful gift of being able to portray human emotion in such a raw, real way and I am so endlessly grateful that you choose to share it in this little corner of the internet with us. I’ve adored this series and how you’ve crafted these three and their little household, and will always be sat for any future stories you write about these two - or anyone else for that matter.

Thank you so so much for writing this. Dealing with some of my own personal issues with my own mother and reading this is just…its heartbreak and it’s healing all at the same time.

And ofc, thank you to Bailey as well! Who are we without the planners and helpers in our lives - I think I’d lose my head if summer-princess didn’t remind me where I put it sometimes haha!

i am… speechless?

i want to print this comment out, frame it, and put it up in my room. tattoo it onto my body.

it’s crazy to me how comments on my writing can be so eloquent and beautiful, but you always somehow manage to do that.

seriously i read this with the biggest smile on my face.

it means so, so, SO much to me that not only do you read my work… and enjoy it… you have such strong feelings about it. it blows my mind in the best way.

anyway. going to read this everyday for the rest of my life. i appreciate and love you very much.

[swampwart]

its only been two hours!

if i dont bog myself down with work, i think of you

i cannot escape you, oh i really really dont want to

i wish that dream was real i wish it was fucking real

i cant forgot how you kissed me

i wish you kissed me

i love your lips, i miss when you'd stare at mine wheneber we spoke

i want you back and im so deeply ashamed about this

this is not what i thought it would be

breaking up was suppose to get rid of all these feelings

but now.i feel all of them, just without having you

i cannot have you in my heart like this

i cannot keep ranting to you in brain about jow horrible my emotional life is and how badly i just want to reach over, hold me, rub my spine again and tell me its all going to be okay with such raw confidence it was like god told you or something

ive never dreamed about anyone before, not even him

but you have entered my escape so vividly and in such detail i cannot ignore it

it tricks me into thinking its real life

like you were actually upset i ever made a joke about taking another man's name and you wrapped your arms around me when i told you w out prompt i was only jokinh

in my dream that didnt reassure you either

you asked me "are you crushing on anyone else right now?" and i giggled and said "noo" w a knowing eye and you got nervous and looked to the side and forced out a laugh "noo thats not okay, we need to find you someone" then you took me by the wrist and had me speak to a guy

all i could do was watch you while you laughed at everything he said, and i think i was just happy i was with you

(he didnt even have a face, yet i could see the peak of your cheekbone that causes the depression beneath your eye)

later on i went home w a beautiful girl, tough and thick in every aspect, in a sick way i cannot deny het beauty

she was into me, i think we wanted this to go somewhere,, her friend had set us up and were hung out alone in rug covered room with a mirror and magical beads,, and she spoke with a tough sarcasm that ive gotten used to over the years, i dont think i looked at her long

then you came in, light in your weight and smiling lile ive never seen. Im use to this i think, but something hurt inside so far down and so unimportantly, i just focused on that you were happy. And you began to recount to me the tome you had, laughing the whole time, and i asked you "are you drunk" and in your beautiful, biteless irony you said "nooo maybe judt a little champagne" and we laugjed anf i was so happy to be wuth you, giggling in out own language rven thoigh i hear you speak this way with everyone. In dream and now, shamefully for my own comfort, i will believe it is special when you do it with me

and you held my hand and played with my fingers while you pattered on, and swinging your head this way and that, and in a moments confusion we forgot who we were and you kissed me.

That moment convinced me this dream was real. Your lips left a session on mine that felt so real. I know i felt pressure, i know i did. At that moment,i was convinced it was because we really did kiss. Now i know itd because our last kiss, whenbeer that was, has not left my lips this whole time. That kiss we had, whenvef that was, has traveled through time and told me we are still in embrace.

i was left in a daze after that, and i heard you gasp and laugh and say "oh i forgot!" and take hold of my second hand. But i stared off, with a dopey smile growing all over my face. Thid whole dream I've felt so tired, my eyebags leading the way. But that kiss sparked rhe rest of my physical existence, and golden light rippled along my skin, into my brain, and swayed its way across my eyes. I heard angels singing, the muses, everything that comes witj a golden kiss. I was so happy. And i agreed with you and said "dont worry about it,"

latter on, the girl saw us and was less than impressed. You were layed across your back (your hair was parted in the most stunning way) and playing with my fingers. My exhaustion was back, but it did not matter to me when i was with you. And she asked what my boyfriend was doing here, and i told her "its complicated" while focused entirely on you playing with my hands.

And she told me she doesnt do cheaters, and i told her dont worry about it. I said before you walked into the room i had a boyfriend, so she assumed it was you. I told her "this isnt him," and it confused her more. She sat down and began to do her make up and in a distance, maybe even hurt, but still open manner. And i turned my attention away for a while, sadly my back to you, and i asked her if she knew what polyamory is. And she adjusted in her seat, squinting her eyes as she tried to think, then we spoke at the same time, it isn't / is it, "what the mormans do." I told her that was paligamy and involed religion and stuff we didn't jave here. She nodded along, confused, partly wanting to understand and partly wanting to leave, and i was fine with that.

Then i think someone walked in for you. I think it was him. And then you were gone. You where gone snd i think my dreamself felt there was no point to remember the dream anymore. Now ive woken up, sad, confused, happy, and feeling so stupid.

i cant decide if i want all of this to be real or not. I do, hell i want you so bad, its such a deep seeded need in me, i dont know what to do. But what the hell am i doing. what the hell am i doing. I have a boyfriend, but shit i think its getting rocky. Im makinh mistakes, he is too. And im so scared. And i just want comfort. Like a child i just want to be held and told itsnall going to be okay. And everytime i think about it, im always telling you. Im always telling you.

i miss you so much, i miss you more than anything

[rrxnjun]

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

[lostjudgmnt]

i nearly just oosted this plain but i at least still gave the mental whatever the fuck to put it under a cut sorry guys i’ll be normal in a minute cw for me having some sort of meltdown though idk. pretty intense shit

i love…………. this fucked up mental cycle im in where. im just having a really nasty mixed episode rn so im like. my sleep is so off im rapidly swinging from feeling completely fine to have violent fucking melt/breakdowns/shutdowns to being actually decently happy maybe to having terrible ocd spikes and spirals and its been months and i cant tell if its getting better or not and am pretty convinced in actuality faking the whole thing even though the worst of it is happening when im completely fucking alone and i cant tell if my thoughts are my own or if im pretending to be someone who isnt me and tbese “symptoms” are just me pretending im someone im noy but convincing myself its real or something i dont fucking know but im going fucking crazy but im not telling anyone but i feel like im in a pressure cooker and i feel like im under too mich pressure to be normal and okay and not kill myself even though its all too much pressure

like it sucks because the fact that i kind of feel like im completely fine but also like im going absolutely insane at the same time is not helping the fact that im convincing myself that my intrrusive thoughts and spirals and obsessions and whateber else i have going on are all fucking fake and im just putting on some sort of fucked up show for myself or something like im pretending to be someone else so i feel ~different~ and ~special~ and mentally ill because i guess its fucking fun qnd quirjy as opposed to literally so fucking miserable and preventing me from sleeping wnd locking my body up in uncomfortable positions that i can’t really move from but i can AOMETIMES so im just doing yhat to myself for FUN like goddamn. im not making any sense and part of me is telling me i should be correcting all these typos because godforbid i dont fucking sanitize myself because if it looks too raw its more proof that im faking all this shit and pretending yo look like im doing badly or whatever because im fine actually i feel fine!!!!!!!! what fuckung ever.

i actively hide that im actually driving myself insane from myself abd others because i feel like i have to at least pretend im doig well and then i get hurt when no one can tell im doing poorly as if its not ky own fucking fault and then convince myself that its not actually that bad and that its all fake actually and im making everything i experience up or exaggerating everything or what fucking ever when im having violent and geaphic intrusive thoughts about myself and compulsively beating my head against the floor when im completely alone and there’s sno one to see it like obviously thats fucking fake right. nesus chrisy

i shouldnt post this and maybe poisting it is hust another sign that this is all made up and im just doing it for attention i cant steas enough that im just calmly sitting in a chair at my best friend’s house alone in the dark whole typing this right now i literally feel completely normal but also i guess apparently absolutely insane at the same time but maybe i dont feel insanw. but also i was hyperventilating and slamming my head yo the ground qns could hardly move my body on the floor like i dunno 20 minutes ago and my head hurts. but maybe that was fakw too. i dont even know who’s thoughts are in my head right now

i dont know i guess i feel like i need to actually make some sort of record of this shit somewhere but i’ll ignore it if its somewhere completely private but i’ll want to kill myself even more if its somewhere like q diacord server for some reason so here’s the only place i feel i can go. i dont fucking know why. maybe because here someone can reassure me but i dont have to freak the fuck out of the people i actually interact with on w daily basis or something. i dont know. i dont know if any of this is actually me or if any of this is real and i dint even know if im gonna look at this later because maybe i dont want to know if its all real or not. i dont fucking know

im trying to will myself to take my LITERAL MEDICATION i got prescribed to treat my DIAGNOSED FUCKING BIPOLAR DISORDER that im convinced isnt fucking real and wouldnt becausing me to be insane for any reason. goddamn. im shit at taking it the way imsupposed to because im supposed to take it in the morning to but i dont do mornings and have no routine for the mornings at all. i need time figure that the fuck out and maybe it wilp fix me but maybe not because im probably fakung all this shit anyway and meds cant fix what isn’t actually there. jesus christ

i know i sound insane btw i still cant tell if thats “proof” of anything, authenticity or otherwise i dont fucking know. shit.

im moving in m getting up from sitting completely calmly in this chair and im taking my pm meds as diagnosed and im gonna go upstairs to lay down in the guest bed across the room from my best friend who went to bef almost an hour ago and im gonna sleep and im gonna wake up as a normal person and none of this is real and im being overdramatic and fake. good fucking night

[traumatizeddfox]

Ok I'm sorry for the rant and I'm gonna be public enemy #1 for a minute but someone needs to say this:

I really wish age regression had stayed obscure as a symptom and just between us trauma sufferers bc now you have people stealing terms from systems for sexual reasons, people using said, now sexualized terms without knowing the point and origins of them, and parentifying their partners and friends and then tossing a fit from hell when said people, innocently and at no fault of their own, get tired of such a toxic dynamic and in extreme cases, leave.

Like, come on. Little was a word that was popularized by systems because THEY coined it, and then pseudo p*do s*x freaks stole it, and then people with "good" intentions "stole it *back*" without even thinking about it for like 2 seconds, using terms coined by said freaks and going "it's reclamation!" And trying to force everyone to suddenly be ok with, silencing systems when they try to argue the term was originally theirs and wish they'd cut out this behavior, and throwing a hell fit when anyone, including people who used to do it (I'm not implying it's voluntary because I Know it's not;) try to tell them to listen to systems.

I just want people to use their neurons for 2 seconds instead of what makes them feel good because I'm so fucking tired or this.

And then maybe ~unpopular~ but like I'm sorry i know it feels shitty bc i was there, but honey you're all romanticizing parentification, because that's all that dynamic IS. You cant go around expecting to get a parent out of a friend or partner and see NOTHING wrong with that. Get help, all of you, as a community. Move on from feeding and encouraging that behavior because i promise you it's far more toxic than you think it ever will be.

And before any of you assume shit, im an ex regressor, i had to literally train my brain to stop doing that, I'm not saying anyone can just do that and i certainly don't expect it, and again neither am I saying it's voluntary because it isnt. But expecting your friends and partners to parent you is NOT healthy and in fact is going to strain your relationships more than you can see. Look up parentification in BPD & DPD for good examples of what this looks like if you want honest, raw testimonies from people who were on the other side of the coin.

And yeah I've heard every argument there is to be said, I've heard every counter point, i don't care btw, i saw the real negative effects of parentifying the people around me just because my brain decided to toss me into the limbo of my childhood, and it is not ok. No matter how you feel, you have to be just as kind to others as you want them to be to you, that includes not burdening them with something so dangerously delicate.

YOU CAN ASK FOR HELP if you can't get out of that mindset and struggle to take care of yourself, but don't expect that to be permanent, people can't parent you. You need to learn how to look after yourself and grow independently from the watching eye of another person.

This goes specially for young people who aren't adults: GET OUT OF THESE SPACES, YOU'RE VULNERABLE. I can't even begin to tell you the absolutely insane amount of people who now as young adults have told me that they were groomed in those communities, both the "innocent / nonsexual ones" and the outright freaky ones. Which, yeah, we all are asking ourselves the same question about the later but I'm not gonna get into it. My point is this community, these communities and their subcategories are dangerous and festering a very toxic environment that hurts so many people and someone needs to start talking about it and taking it seriously.

Rant over. Everyone go home.

i agree with this! it’s frustrating because you don’t know who is doing it for kinks and who is doing it for actual trauma reasons and who is a system :/

[tinyjeanmarco]

Your display name literally defines my week mood, Porco is the best boy🥺 i was wondering if you could write some hc about him?? I didn’t have any specific in mind, maybe something cute but ofc it’s up to you and you can even not write anything, that’s alright too!! Im just happy seeing more people warming up to him☺️ i hope you have a great February and that you stay safe and happy💖

eee! porco really is best boy, i love him to pieces. and of course i’ll write some hc’s about him (*°ヮ° *) these will be super soft, i promise. and thank you! my february has been going well so far, so i wish the same upon you! this is also my first request i’m doing, so i’m really excited. i hope you enjoy!  ♡

summary: some hc’s about domestic life with porco. canon divergence because in this he’s not a warrior, that way reader doesn’t have to worry about having a time limit w/ him or worry about anything happening to him (∩_∩). (i think this ended up like some sort of canon-ish au with some modern setting mixed in, whoops!)

porco x gn!reader

warnings: none

you’ve known porco since you two were kids. you essentially grew up together and you had always had a tiny crush on him growing up.

it wasn’t until you guys were teens that he confessed to liking you as well. this totally took you by surprise, but in a good way!

a few days after he confessed to you, he told you that he did so because he knew reiner also liked you, and he was afraid that reiner would admit his feelings for you and that you’d date him instead.

he didn’t want to become the pathetic childhood friend who was too afraid to say something and then be doomed to watch you be in love with someone else for the rest of his life.

when he told you this, you found it quite funny (and also felt bad for reiner since porco just outted him and now he would never get a chance cuz you’re dating porco), since you had always liked porco, not reiner, so he wouldn’t have had to worry, anyways.

you two had been together for years, not really having many issues. that isn’t to say you would never fight or disagree, but you two always made an effort to resolve any tensions that arose.

porco seems to me the type who holds grudges and doesn’t really care to talk things out, but he knows that if he does that with you, he will most likely end up losing you.

whenever you get into a disagreement/fight with him, he needs space and time alone before he can come back and confront the situation. if you try to make him talk right away, he will lose his cool and say something he doesn’t mean.

you sort of learned this the hard way with him when you started dating. he’s long since made up for those times, but in the back of his head, he still feels bad about them (although he would never tell you this).

after dating for like six years, porco finally decided to wife you up and make you his officially.

he would definitely want it to be really special for you because he absolutely adores you and wants to make it something that you’ll remember forever.

he would have a whole plan put together. he has the ring, he just needs to take you out, have a nice night, eating really well, and then as you two gaze up at the stars on the roof of the building you live in, he would whip out the ring and propose. bam! foolproof.

probably not as foolproof as he hoped because he actually ended up accidentally proposing to you while you guys were just cuddling one night.

you would be all cuddled up to him, both of you almost asleep, and he mumbles out, not thinking, “marry me.”

and you’re instantly awake at that, turning your head to glance at him, and just say yes.

boy do his eyes shoot wide open. he’s stumbling over words, trying to correct himself before you just kiss him to get him to shut the hell up.

he tells you that he had a whole plan to make it special for you and spend the whole day together before popping the question.

you respond, saying that he can still do that, you’ll just pretend you never heard anything, but any way that it happened was special enough to you because you love him with your whole heart and you just want to be with him.

he bonks you on your nose and just calls you cheesy, but his heart is beating fast with the pure love he holds for you.

you both end up going through with his plans and having a wonderful day, him proposing again at the end of it all.

okay, so, porco loves kissing you. his favorite activity. you want a smooch? you don’t even have to ask, he’s one step ahead of you.

he is a clingy baby that wants to always have you near him. he will constantly have his hand on you, whether it’s in your hand, on your thigh, around your waist.

he loves kissing the top of your head. if you are shorter than him, it’s a win and easy peasy. if you’re taller than him, he will make you bend down so he can still kiss the top of your head.

he also will love kisses on the top of his head if you’re taller than him, or if you two are cuddling and he has his head laid on your chest.

he also loves it when he’s just showered, and his hair isn’t slicked back, if you play with his hair, running your fingers through the soft blond locks. it really relaxes him and helps him fall asleep.

this clingy boy also loves to cuddle with you.

he will look for any opportunity to wiggle into your arms and tangle his limbs in yours.

he loves to be both the big spoon and little spoon, all depending on his mood. sometimes he just enjoys the comfort of being held close to you, and other times he wants to hold you in his arms to remind him that you’re really there with him.

he will have an iron grip on you, refusing to let you go ever.

“porco, please, i have to pee.”

“noooo. stay here, pee later.”

“porco, i will pee on you.”

i also totally hc porco to love cooking or baking. he definitely loves to eat and it’s more fun when he gets to eat it with you. better yet, cooking with you.

when you’re making cookies or something, you’ll have to yell at him to stop eating the raw batter. it’s not good for you. (if you’re vegan, you wont really have that exact issue, but him still eating it means there will be less output, so stop eating it, porco!)

he first started cooking when you guys moved in together which means he was pretty bad at it. you kind of had to help him and were brutally honest if he burnt something or did something wrong.

i don’t think he would really be a disaster in the kitchen because he would always follow the recipes down to a T.

i mentioned above you two moving in together. let me tell you, that was one chaotic day. so many boxes, so few hands. you legit spent all day moving things in.

porco would constantly be like “ow, ow, babe, i hurt myself!” to make you fret over him and then when you ask him what’s wrong he’ll say something along the lines of “i hurt my hand carrying this box. can you kiss it better?” or he would straight up be like “my heart hurts because you’re not kissing me right now.”

cue rolling your eyes and giving this dumb baby a kiss nearly every fifteen minutes.

you end move in day with all the boxes piled up around your apartment, and you two fall asleep on just a plain mattress with a few pillows, too tired to unpack anything else. maybe a blanket too so that way you guys don’t get too cold.

i’m hopping around a lot for these hc’s, but the wedding you two have is a nice small one with just your closest friends and family.

he doesn’t even care (that much) when you invite reiner, he’s just excited to marry you and be yours.

seeing you all dressed up for the wedding makes his heart leap into his throat, and he just starts crying. he never thought this day would come and that he would be lucky enough to spend his forever with you.

after you two say your vows and the officiator says you may kiss, he leaps to you and gives you the slowest, most gentle kiss ever. he pours his soul out into the kiss, making sure you know this is the happiest day of his life.

the whole part at the after party where you feed each other cake? he’s the one to smash it all over your face. yep. he’s that kind of husband.

calling him your husband is also your new favorite thing. it just makes it feel so real.  

“hey, can you get me a glass of water, husband?” and he melts because he loves hearing that come out of your mouth. it reminds him that you actually married him. (he still can’t believe that.)

porco will try his hardest to be the best husband ever and always make you happy. he just loves you to the moon and back and is never afraid to show it.

[shamixlour]

He knows.

She knows.

They know.

Even the OG knows.

Special bond, they said.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Ghosting A Wayne

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult content +18 only!! Smut, Agegap, Swearing, A Little Angst?

A/n:Ok so this is the first real full smut iv done and im super nervous about posting this one i hope its good but if its shit im sorry hope you enjoyxx

After getting cold feet because of your own insecurities you get a visitor pick you up from work.

Ghosting A Wayne

You sighed as you pulled out a batch of cookies from the oven placing the three large trays out on the cooling racks today was a baking day to fill the display out the front ,you'd been alone with your thoughts all day and were just about done, glancing at the clock you fist pumped the air. Home time. You quickly undone your apron hanging it on the hook by the kitchen door then called out to Tom that your shift was done.

After your first lunch date with Bruce you intended to leave it there but the man was very persistent... and charming somehow he'd managed to talk you in circles and wrangle a second date and third and forth. you'd canceled your fifth using work as an excuse and he bought it for about a week, then he began asking when you were free telling you to call him giving you his personal number which you didn't call.

That worked for about three days before he began messaging you about a date you replied with excuses it seemed to work until he showed up at the door to drop Damien round instead of Alfred, Jack had covered for you not letting either of them in saying you were ill. It wasn't that you didn't like him or anything you were scared, scared of getting hurt he was amazing a perfect gentleman he made you laugh he took you to fancy places but didn't make you uncomfortable even going so far as to berate another guest as he heard them make a comment of the restaurant 'letting anyone in these days' when he was returning from the rest room , you felt special and safe with him.

But he was The Bruce Wayne and nothing would ever come of it. Someone like you had no right to be with someone like him, he deserved a high class well educated successful woman not a minimum wage cafe worker who dropped out of college. You found yourself growing to attached to him and it had frightened you. Not only that but what would people say when they found out, probably think your a charity case or a gold digger you could see the headlines now ' The playboys new sugar baby' with photos of you plastered across the tabloids you shivered.

Damien had spoke to you about it he was far to smart for his own good telling you your being a 'stupid female' and that you should just talk to Bruce about it, Jack also scolded you for being stupid and letting your insecurities hold you back.

The boy had been soo happy for you when you were going out with Bruce, he admitted that he felt responsible for you being alone and not having friends or a boyfriend it broke your heart, hearing how he blamed himself for it, yes it had been hard taking on a 8 year old at 20 years old and yes you did need to grow up quicker then most and avoid the typical early twenties drinking and clubbing but you wouldn't change a thing. When he had brought it up you both had a heart to heart and you were gobsmacked at just how mature he had soundec. He told you that he didn't care about Bruce being Damien's dad or that he was older than you, he was happy that you had someone who made you happy and wanted you to got out with him again and be happy. The boys didn't understand.

"Tom I'm finished don't touch the cookies before they cool you can have one to test but that's it theirs 48 here I've counted, so if you have anymore I will know its you, you greedy little shit" you said opeing the door you walked straight into him he was wide eyed pointing out to the font over his shouldet. You froze thinking the worst it was gotham afterall.

"Oh my god tom?"

"You have.. Out the there.... Man front" he said not making any sense you pushed past him through the door

"whats wron-"

"y/n!" you snapped your head to the counter seeing Bruce standing their ignoring the odd looks he received from the other few customers scattered about in the cafe. You slung your bag over your shoulder cradling your coat in the other hand cursing quietly. Scanning the cafe for a quick exit wanting to run. There was one way in and out and he was between you and the door. Giving in you plastered on a polite smile.

"Bruce what are you doing here?" you asked tentatively due to the blank look on his face unsure what mood he would be in after you ghosted him. Making your way around the counter he followed on the other side meeting you at the end.

"I wanted to take you out, Jack told me when you finished so I thought I'd come pick you up for dinner" you felt the gazes in the room shift from him to you and the whispers started. Bruce held out a hand taking your coat from you while you tried to come up with a reason not to your anxiety screaming at you to run. You sighed at him biting your lower lip raw he lifted a hand pulling it gently forcing you to release it. He smiled meeting your eyes trying to calm you.

"Bruce I don't feel like going out tonight can we reschedule?" hooking his arm around your waist guiding you out of the cafe past the gossiping customers opening the door for the both of you pressing himself to your back giving you no room to bolt away. Hed catch you anyway.

"Good news, we don't have to go out Alfred is making us dinner back home, so we get to have a relaxing night in." you nodded as you left walking down the street feeling your nerves spike as you realized there was no reason to avoid this. He kept pace with you to the side arms ready to dart out and catch you as you glanced around a little skittish he ushered you into a ridiculously expensive Lamborghini and took off down the road.

"So that's Tom then? the one you were talking about?" he started you were confused as he acted like you hadn't been avoiding him for the past week and half you just nodded.

"Err yeah that's him we get along work really well, I was doing all the baking today couldn't handle the customers they were doing my head in." he nodded placing a warm hand on your knee running his thumb in small circles you took a deep breath.

"I know what you mean, had a lot of meetings today with a bunch little men wanting me to over invest in companies that wont last the financial year" you tensed as he left his hand on your leg still navigating the traffic, you tried to shift your led from underneath him but he just followed squeezing it lightly making your breath hitch and clench your walls tight.

"Sh-shouldn't you have both hands on the wheel in a car like this?" you asked quietly he laughed giving you a mischievous look then you screamed as he let go of the wheel completely still picking up speed quickly.

"OH MY GOD BRUCE NO!" you cried leaning over grabbing it yourself he just laughed out loud placing one hand back on it the other still resting on your knee.

"Its fine I could probably drive this with my eyes closed, it's nothing like my other car" he said cheekily as he made his way towards the outskirts of gotham you swallowed nervously.

"yeah please dont do that"

"Don't worry I'd never let anything happen to you sweets" you blushed as he used the nickname he'd given you onde he found out about your sweet tooth and the fact you do all the baking at the cafe.

"He says after driving without hands." you scoffed looking out of the window as the scenery changed. It wasn't long before you pulled up to the manor. It was impressive you'd only been inside twice whilst waiting for Jack to get his things he thought it was the perfect place to hid from his dentist and doctors appointments. Once out of the car he lead you inside where Alfred greeted you both.

"Ah Master Wayne dinner will take another hour or so I'm afraid and Y/n its lovely to see you again." Bruce gave you both a look seeking an explanation for the first name basis.

"Have you met everyone in this house before me?" he asked sarcastically you smiled at him before Alfred took your coats hanging them up.

"Well sometimes the boys play about getting ready so Alfred comes in for tea whilst we wait and I've met Tim he has come over a few times drank my whole pot of coffee and left." he grunted before leading you to a small sitting room off to the side.

"We will be in here Alfred call us when dinner is ready." Alfred nodded smiling slyly before closing the door leaving you in private. You sat down on the leather sofa a nervous wreck looking around the opulent room feeling out of place, he took a seat beside you offering you a glass of what you assumed was scotch he sat and leaned in next to you. Relaxing as he took a slow sip of his drink.

"Don't look so worried the boys explained for you. Your scared of getting hurt I can understand that I don't exactly have the best record but I'm not giving up as you can tell."you looked down into your glass a little ashamed as you heard hurt laced in his words.

"I-its not that, its me I.. I love spending time with you I really do... but I dont think you should waste your time on me... thats all" he frowned you sounded so ...defeated , he didnt like it one bit placing his glass down putting two and two together. That he didn't know Damien said you were being a 'difficult woman' and Jack had said that you hadn't dated since school and were afraid of being hurt he summarised that it was because of him but it sounds like there was more to it then that. Bruce took a deep breath regarding you carefully.

"Waste my time? why would spending time with you be a waste. There is something between us, I have never felt this type of pull to a woman before and I'm quite determind to see you if you havent already noticed" he said sternly you shrunk into the sofa he sighed pulling the glass tumbler from you hand.

"Whats really going on? we were going fine then you just pulled back. I want this, us and I know you do to but we have to talk to each other." You leaned forward locking eyes with him feeling overwhelmed you shook your head pulling back he followed leaning back pulling you across the seat wrapping his arms around you pulling your face into his chest holding you, you tried pulling yourself off of him but he was to stronger than he looked. You Gave up then took a deep breath endulging in the closeness breathing him in.

"Talk to me please" he spoke quietly into your hair

"I cant, I just cant, your-I, you need someone better. And if people find out then what will they think? that I'm a charity case some passing fancy? that you'll get bored with and you will bruce. When you find some older succsessfull women who equals you. someone that I can never be for you. I wont be good enough for you and you'll see it one day" once you started you couldn't stop as the words kept coming your fears poured out after being kept bottled up since that very first date.Fears of loving him and then him leaving, or of what backlash Jack could face if you were painted to be a whore trying to capture Bruces attention, the cps could investigate if it seemed like you were becoming a party girl like what Bruce typically dated. Then there was the fact that the school could start being funny if word got out that you and bruce were together. But the main reason was that he was to good for you and you knew it. You heaved a breath feeling lighter yet your stomach churned he had been quiet throughout and you'd gotten yourself worked up shaking from your anxiety feeling sick to your stomach.

"I'm sorry I know I should have spoke to you instead but I... I was scared that you were going to realize I'm right and leave ...so" he hushed you rubbing your back lightly causing you to shiver and relax onto his chest.

"So you left before I could?" you flinched then nodded it sounded so petty when said out loud he moved sitting up a bit more dragging you with him not releasing you for a second, he would have preferred if it had all been about his past but now realized you had low self esteem you had fears about the future, the age gap, Jacks future and how people would judge you all of these fear were to blame. And he understood it must be daughting, but what got him most was that you thought he'd let you deal with it alone , that you were so scared of loosing him in the long run you tried to walk away now and that was all the proof he needed that you did feel somthing for him.

"Tell me something does Jack have a problem with you being with me?" he asked you shook your head instantly.

"No he loves it, he wants me to be with you he saw how happy I was he has been pestering me to call" he pulled his head away smiling confusing you.

"I can tell you that Damien is thrilled he has even been bragging to his brothers that I've found the perfect woman and they cant wait to meet you by the way the

and he threatened me before every date to 'not to fuck it up' so let me ask another question if Jack, Damien me and you are happy what does anyone else's opinion matter? it's our life why should we make ourselves miserable over a few tabloids that can be taken to court and be corrected? and I do have reporters that I trust with these type of stories one is a very close friend who I could give an exclusive to before any rumors get around and the press make up some nonsense. Not only that I know Clark wold print the truth if he knew that it involved the boys being bullied in the school." he let you pull back shocked you didnt think he would want anyone to know, you thought hed be ashamed of you.

"wh-what?" it was bearly a whisper but he heard it.

"You heard me sweets, Clark wouldn't let me down not with this and there are other reporters who I've trusted to cover stories of the boys in the past one phone call and I would have everything sorted and anyone who tries to make this something its not will feel the full force of my legal team." he leaned in giving you no time to reply kissing you deeply invading your mouth moaning into you. His tongue dominated your mouth taking your breath away he paused pulling you to straddle his waist you blushed looking down at him.Trying to put your weight on your knees conscious of your weight Bruce not having any of that tugged harshly pulling your weight on his thighs.

"And as for finding someone better I doubt it. I've said it before and I will say it again I want you. Not some stuck up model who's one surgery away from being on botched. The day we met I was floored and for the first time I saw what I truly wanted for me and my family. And it wasn't some highly educated business woman, no it was a sexy little mama bear who treated my son as her own." you gasped as he brought your hips closer resting you on his crotch before leaning forward capturing your lips again this time slow and deliberate pouring himself into it you, you moaned quietly as he rocked you across his groin. Pulling back for air

"So little miss now we have all that cleared up is there anything you want to add?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" you gasped out trying to collect yourself as you began getting tearful as you felt stupid for being so silly yet relieved that he hadn't thrown you out, he chuckled shushing you then moved biting at your earlobe .

"That's ok love I'm sure you'll make it up to me" he said kissing down your neck biting below your ear then lower to your pulse point feeling it race under his tongue before sucking harshly bordering on painful.

"o-OH Bruce" you gasped gripping his shoulder trying not to lean back to far and fall he noticed using and arm to hold you elbow resting on your waist curling his fingers into your low bun pulling slowly stretching your neck before him leaving marks up it you groaned closing your eyes trying to rub your thighs together as your pussy grew hot and clenched dampening your panties he ran his nose down your neck kissing your collar bone lightly.

"Aww sweety so desperate hm?" you whined squeezing his hips between your thighs again grinding softly against him he chuckled biting the top of your breast running his tongue along your cleavage unbuttoning your blouse with deft fingers then returned them to your hips pushing you harshly on his erection you cried out looking down panting as he dragged you slowly back and forth feeling him through his trousers was almost to much you fisted your hands in the crisp shirt covering his shoulders. He let out a breathy growl smug as you started trying to rock on him faster pouting when he held you controlling your pace circling you slow on his bulge dipping his thumbs into your pelvis tilting you catching your clit with every pass of your hips you shook your head eyes tightly shut.

"OH fuck shiiitt Bruce" he watched eyes blown as he built you up slowly drinking in your flushed face pouty full lips forming an 'o' as you let out high pitched cries his hands smothered your breasts squeezing them in his palms testing them before he tipped the cups down teasing your pink nipples to attention. You opened your eyes glazed over pleading with him.

"Please Bruce... I dont-fuck" you moaned high and louder almost squeeling as he pinched one of your nipples refusing to let go pulling your chest towards him by it until he could lay a sweet kiss to the other suckling catching it between his teeth nipping it letting go with a loud pop. You panted harder as he toyed with you, your body trembled as he pulled you closer to the edge your clit rubbed harshly against him and he growled relishing in the way your heat seeped onto him. He couldn't wait. He wouldn't. With a one sweeping motion you found yourself lying on the sofa with him hovering over you pulling your leggings down over your hips skimming your quivering thighs with his knuckles befor rubbing your calves and griping your ankles encircling them effortlesly, running his thumbs across the inside of them . Following bending as he went kissing your soft stomach and pelvis finally leaving a small kiss on your mound over your panties you moaned at that. He slipped your leggings off taking your flats with them you blushed as he stared seeing the wet patch you'd left on your panties crawling back up you exploring with his hands the whole way. Hooking a hand around to back of your neck he pulled you up into a bruising kiss needy as he angled his head to devour you deeper his other hand dragging your shirt from you by the back of the neck unclipping your bra and he went lowering you back down you blushed trying to cover yourself he growled pinning them beside you.

"Nooo you dont babe, let me see, show me" he ground out a deep gruntle sound that vibrated threw you trailing the tips of his fingers from your throat down in slow unpredictable patterns leaving goosebumps in his wake your nipples pebbled as he past them your whole body shuddered

"Fuck. Your stunning" you didn't meet his gaze it was to hot, posessive like he was claiming you already just with his eyes watching closely memorizing every freckle and mark on your skin, he let out a deep shuddering breath when you arched up inyo him as he fingered the bow on the waist band of your panties back and forth he brought his fingers lower and lower across your mound. You squirmed trying to buck up against him trying to get him where you desperately needed him whimpering pitifully. His response was to stretch out his fingers across your lower tummy and push you back down holding you still. You protested as his warm hand covered your whole mound and rocked forward trying to catch your clit on the heal of his palm that rested just out of reach.

"Such a greedy little thing. I think I'm going to have to work on your manners" he chided before using a hand to unbutton his shirt revealing a perfectly sculpted torso, you made a noise in the back of your throat that you didn't recognize at the sight of him, caramel skin taught over deliciously defined muscles and small thatch of hair disappearing below a teasingly low hanging trousers he let the shirt slide to the floor undoing his belt then slowly pulled his trousers over his hip grunting thrusting forward as it glided over his cock. You bit your lip still trying to move against his heavy hand he granted you a little mercy twisting as the wrist slotting his thumb between your lips seeking your clit and rubbing a figure 8 hard.

"AHH! F-Fuck BRUCE yes oh god-" you gasped deep breaths as he rolled your cilt around almost rough in his ministrations the fabric of you panties hieghtend the sensation you closed your eyes grinding yourself down on him tears leaked from them his other hand came up to your throat forcing you to face him.

"Look at me baby. come on let me see you... ah there she is good girl" he praised as you looked at him tears clinging to your lashes his hand still working you. Sobbing incoherently trying to buck up to him.

"OH fuck please-PLEASE let me come bruce please I'll do anything PLEASE" you breathed out hoarse gasping when your pussy weeped wetting the sofa below you he played you like an instrument taking you higher and higher you clenched and withered as you felt that familiar burn of an orgasm start in your lower tummy , almost cramping as it traveld lower to your pussy you chased it trying to rock harder just as you were at the presapice he stopped pulling his thumb away bit still pinned you down.

"AH! NO Br-BRUCE come back" you sobbed reaching out for him as your body hummed hot and quivering you gave up on finding his hand throwing yours between you trying to take over and force yourself over the edge. Soo close. Bruce was quicker catching them in one hand pulling them above you head. He watched waiting for you to come down from the almost high. Pouting all the way.

"You can count that as your punishment babe" he whispered huskliey into your neck kissing at the marks he has left. You cried out frustarated sweaty and exhasted.

"But im feeling a little mercifull tonight." you looked at him from below your lashes his heart skipped a beat seeing you look at him so needy and ready you looked so small,he could do anything to you right now but only wanted one thing. Shuffling back leaning down he placed an open mouthed kiss on your panties slipping his fingers in the sides draging them off before standing removing his boxers freeing his erection you gasped as it bounced up tapping his stomach ,hesitantly you reached out running a single finger along the underside from tip to base he jerked forward when you cupped him testing your grip befor stroking him he stopped you

"Fuck sorry babe but I cant wait." he growled out pinning you back down running his weeping head up and down your slit you tensed as he probed your enterance. Sensing your nerves he locked lips with you coaxing out your tongue sucking on it before licking in your mouth makeing obscene noises feeling you relax he took the chance and slowly begun stretching you around him ,you gasped at the slight sting pulling back rest your forehead on his grunting softly as he kept a slow steady pressure finally knocking his hips with yours you panted feeling your walls fluttering around him then squeezing

"shit Bruce" he huffed out a laugh flexing in response

"carefull there babe" you grunted feeling stuffed full as his head pushed against your cervix.

"Bruce please...HUrry up!" you clenched him stealing his breath from him he gave a playfull glare you felt a little tremor of apprehension as he repostioned your legs higher on his hips placing your heels into his lower back before plowing you into the sofa grunting and growling as his thrusts rocked your body you were by no means quiet as the veins on his cock massaged your walls with delicious friction he slowed then pressed himself tight against your clit rotating catching your gspot you bucked violenty against him head thrown back as you wailed he leaned up sucking and biting at your neck then resumed finding a brutal pace aiming for your gspot hitting it with pinpoint accuracy. You shook your head screaming out uncontrollably bucking begging for him to go harder, faster just wanting more. It wasn't long befor you saw stars letting out a silent scream tensing before you snapped cumming around him almost blinded as he rode you through it still hitting your spot faster if that was even possible before stuttering his hips holding himself tight locking you both together as he flooded you.

"OH GOD fuck FUCK yesyesyes good girl yes fuck" he moaned as you lay beneath him, limp body still quacking in the aftermath of your own end. He stayed still until he was soft catching his breath recovering before you removing himself he sat back on his knees watching as he leaked from you quick to scoop his cum and press it back within you, you whined still painfully oversensitive trying to pull away from his invading fingers. he chuckled as you squirmed utterly spent.

"nooo bruce" you whined as he prodded your freshly fucked pussy lighly grazing your abused clit causing you to whine at him pitifully jolting with every swipe.

"Aww baby are you sore?" you pouted at his words nodding he got up sitting you up handing you your forgotton drink you took it gulping it down ignoring the burn. he retrived his boxers throwing them on then a soft blanket covering you before scooping you up heading for the door.

"Bruce? what are you doing?" you asked gorgily already struggiljng to stay awake he leant down shutting you up with a kiss.

"We are going to bed you need some sleep before we continue." you blinked

"wha?" he grinned cheekily

"well how are we going to build up your stamina if we dont push past your exhaustion?" you almost cried just wanting to sleep.

"What about Alfred dinner?" you questioned

"He didnt make any I had to have a reason to get you here didnt I? he went to bed. and dont worry about Jack he is staying over in a room next to Damien's" you looked at him shocked

"What why was he here? do you think he could have heard me? bruce!" you panicked suddenly fully awake trying to wiggle out of his grip he laughed kissing your face.

"Oh my god what about our clothes? Bruce go back and shit we made a mess i need to clean that up..Bruce are you listening?" You created as he continued further away from the room youd just soild.

"he didnt hear you at all it was one of his demands when we planned this. And dont worry about the room or the clothes alfred will take care of it" he said scaling the stairs with ease taking you to his room

"planned? you who else knew? And what do you mean alfred will take care of it? no absolutly not that is embarassing" you argued as he kicked the door to his room shut behind him depositing you on his bed following you down landing above you kissing you again.

"me alfred damien and jack planned it but dick and jason knew too thats why they are scarce and alfred has cleard up worse trust me." he explained you stared at him in horror

"My little brother set me up with you?oh my god I'm not going to live that down and i need to clear that up its to embarassing for alfred to see" you cried he laughed out loud.

"Well I think its was worth it, and you can try and beat Alfred to it but that room will be ccleared up before sunrise and you won't be leaving this bed before then" he said snuggling up with you under the cover ,you made a noise as he tucked you into his chest his heart beat calming you making you drift into a peaceful sleep resting on his chest, feeling safe and sound wrapped up in him as he traced patterns on your back, sighing he was finally content a peace he hadnt known befor washed over him satisfied that he had found the woman that would complete his family, his chest swelled as he placed a kiss on your head. He wasn't ever letting you go now that he had you here. Glancing over at the clock, hed give you an hour or so to build up some energy before he woke you smirkjng to himslef planing all the wicked ways he was going to toy with you during the night. Oh yes the night was young and if Bruce had his way you wouldnt be leaving his bed tomorrow because you wouldnt be able to, thankfully you hade a few days off so he might let you recover. Then again he might not.

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

[iphoenixrising]

I did not expect people to want more of the thing *shrugs* 

Thank-you for the comments on my assholery with cliff hangers @txbookeater​, I love you too babe <3. So much love to electra-iphigenie, emjalen, ships-lover, and @chibinightowl​ for talking up that post. Based on this thing. Warning for triggering themes. Be aware of good boyfriending, kink negotiations, and mentions of past sexual assault. 

Proceed at your own risk 

He takes in a breath, blank for a second, his brain catching up. “Could it possibly be in the bathroom before I get in a nice, hot shower? Followed by a few hours of unconsciousness? That would be really amazing right about now.”

Deflection is an art form, and he really is a master.  He shrugs off his bag, gives him an opportunity to turn away, aware of eyes and how he’s dragging ass, feeling off and irritable. His brain doesn’t have to keep moving from one thing to the next, and things are slowing down. A shudder runs like cold fingers down his spine.

“I think I’d rather ya do it right here, Tim,” and there’s no Sweets, Baby, or any other endearments to make this easier on him. Nope. 

(It’s fine. Breathe. Just some bruises. They’ve seen worse, had worse. They’re all adults here.)

“Jay, I am tired–” “You’re looking shaky, a little strung out.” Dick, at least, makes it gentle. “And I saw it already, so we both know. I’d rather see the damage without your shirt in the way.” “Then, we’re gonna talk ‘bout why ya didn’t tell us right away.” “Mmhm, we might need to have another talk about the rules when we play.” “You’re blowing this out of proportion,” he argues gently, rubbing his hands and wrists because his fingers are tingling. “We had a play date, and by the time I was getting...you know, sore, I was already at work, you were on patrol–” “You didn’t say a word about it to me,” Dick cuts in, “and you absolutely should have. Now, I’m wondering if you really do know your limits, and if I can trust you enough to stop us when you need to.” “I...I didn’t–” yes. Yes I did.

It’s as simple as breathing in too sharply, his ears suddenly ringing, and there’s rubber in his mouth, his teeth probably cutting into it, and it hurts. Normally, he’s okay with rough and multiple rounds, loves how they get when they need control, to feel like there’s something in their hands that can’t just be taken away. 

He gets it. Loves that their go-to outlet for it...is him. 

Even if he can’t come again, it still usually feels amazing, and crazy in his brain because they want him this much. Really, he loves them. 

(The bell clenched in his fist is making an indent in his palm. His chest constricts, just like last time, but he can at least gasp through the holes in the gag. So he doesn’t need to drop it. He wants to. It hurts and he wants to, but he doesn’t. He can take it. He’s had worse. This is for them.) 

Neither of them noticed it had gone from amazing to uncomfortable to painful, and he didn’t drop the bell. He didn’t tell them to stop, so really, it’s on him isn’t it?

Bile rushes up his throat, bringing him back to the very real present where Dick and Jay are suddenly really close, and he realizes he’s just sitting in Dick’s lap, shaking like a leaf.

His face is wet, his chest hitching. 

He doesn’t puke, so that is about a million points.

But, he is absolutely falling the utter fuck apart and that just isn’t conducive to his attempt at coming home to snuggle and pass out in blissful unconsciousness.

(This is his life. Seriously.)

“Shit, shit, shit,” the first attempt to move is right out the window because he’s on octopus hold lockdown.

(On one hand it feels nice to be held. On the other, he can’t escape and it feels restrictive, stifling, terrifying.)

“Hey, hey, Baby. Lookey here. That’s it, that’s good.” Jay is rubbing palms up and down the top of his calves, up to his knees and down to his ankles. He’s talking low and gentle. “I’m going ta the kitchen, n’ getcha some water. Then, we’re gonna talk ‘bout what’s doing, you feel me? If me and Dickie are gonna be able ta take care a’ ya, then we gotta know what’s in yer head.”

He’s breathing too hard, too fast, his hearing spotty at best.

“Ssshhh. You’re having a panic attack, Timmy. You’re hyperventilating, so I need for you to calm down now, okay?” 

Then Dick’s chest is under his tingling fingers, and the exaggerated breathing helps him slow it down, take back some of the control over his body.

He doesn’t feel like he’s going to pass out or puke, so the day is looking up. 

The absurdity of that thought it the thing that really makes him laugh, the sound hoarse, choked. 

“Okay, okay, you’re doing good, Timmy, just stay with me,” and he didn’t notice when Dick started rocking back-and-forth in a soothing motion, or when Jay got back and slid a hand around the nape of his neck.

He’s still shaky as fuck, curled up against Dick’s warmth, and fuck is he cold and wrung out. It feels like a high fever, joints achy, brain foggy, reaction time slow.

“...it’s a fucking drop, Dick. Look at ‘im!” “I’ve never heard of a delayed response like this.” “Knew we shoulda waiting ta scene. He went right from bed ta the pressure cooker, Dick.” “I should have picked up on it when I went to see him.” “S’all right, least we know what ta do now,” and Jay bends, pulls and lifts him like he isn’t a full grown man, pulling him in tight. “Need ta getcha all warm n’ snuggled, don’t we, Baby?”

Dick is throwing back the covers, but Tim doesn’t want to get in bed, not smelling like antiseptic and and bleach, but being warm, being able to hide his face in the pillow is really appealing.

He nods in Jay’s shoulder and lets just the scrub top be pulled off, leaving him in the nerd shirt underneath. He’s glad for it, already vulnerable, cold, shaky.

A straw to his mouth from no where and water before hands are helping him scoot over gingerly in the middle before flopping down on his good side with two warm vigilantes like bookends. Gentle circles on his back while Dick snakes an arm under his head, pulls him closer. 

“All right, that’s better.”

That hand hits a tender spot, and the flinch is automatic. “Sorry, Timmy. Once yer all warm, we’ll lookit how bad, yeah? Gonna lemme see, and it’s gonna be all right. S’ just me n’ Dickie.”

It’s awful because the two wrapped around him is fucking close to perfect and he isn’t feeling as shitty as he was at the ominous picture they made when he first walked in, and yeah, yeah, maybe it was stupid to try hiding it from them. He’s fuzzy about it, but he’s pretty sure that’s a rule somewhere in the Do’s and Don’ts for Playtime talk. 

He probably going to get a lecture. Possibly two.

“Sorry,” he finally says, voice stronger because his throat doesn’t feel like raw hamburger anymore. “I...that wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t know why it was bad, but I’m s–”

“The only thing that would make me angry right now is if you apologize again,” Dick follows it up with scritches to take the sting out of it. “Something triggered you to have a severe drop, Timmy, and if you could tell us what happened, it would help us to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Can you understand that? We need to know so we don’t accidentally hurt you?”

He goes still and his chest hurts just a little.

“I...I should have safeworded out,” it hurts to say, “I sh-should have dropped it, but I thought I could take it, and then things got weird and my brain just, and I thought if I did it would be weak and-and you didn’t need that, and I-I just. I’m sore and it hurt and I didn’t– it’s my fault, okay. I should have because I know that’s a rule somewhere.”

and he keeps babbling on, rambling with his eyes getting hot and his vigilante boyfriends petting him, rocking with him, letting everything just pour out of him without stopping him or pulling away, just–

Dealing with his special brand of insanity. (Those darn abandonment issues. Golly, some day he won’t feel like his chest is being ripped open viciously with fear they’re going to walk the fuck out of his life and never come back.)

He’s finally talked out, feeling like ass about fucking up their morning.

“Your color is coming back, that’s good.” “Warmed all up, Dickie. Time ta tell it like it is.” Well. Shit.

“Yeah, yeah okay,” and he blinks up out of Dick’s chest with his eyes still puffy and his side tender, those blue eyes dark with something hard to interpret.

“I’m not happy you didn’t tell us immediately because we agreed to communicate about these things. D&S can be scarring, and this is just an example of how people get hurt.” 

“And I’m going to say this now so you understand how important it is. About the fact you didn’t safeword.” Dick’s chest expands, hitches, “You need to know, you’re not only protecting yourself when you do, but you’re protecting us, too.”

“I don’t–”

“Tim. I’ve been sexually assaulted several times, and you know that. So... knowing I hurt you that way makes me sick inside, okay. Can you– can you understand that?”

“I-I fuck, Dick, I’m–” “Please don’t say it. No more sorries. But, it’s important you understand Jay and I have our own traumas, so if you, not us, want to keep trying this, we have to navigate more carefully.”

Behind him, Jay’s forehead is nestled in the dip at the base of his neck, and a hard breath whistles down the back of his shirt. 

He despairs inside at how Dick and Jay must be feeling, how bad it looked to them that Tim hadn’t come clean, hadn’t safeworded at all. “I fucked up. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

Dick presses a gentle kiss in his hair, and Jay nuzzles against his throat. 

He gets more sips of water and eventually a panini and soup. There’s more cuddles and warmth, more talk that sucks the breath out of them all. 

His head wraps around the rules differently this time, taking careful note of the way Dick’s expression gets shuddered and Jay goes still. He assures them he still does want playtime sometimes, shoots down the notion he’s only doing it for them, tells them that when his brain is too full and he needs to give up control, he doesn’t want to do it with anyone else but them. 

He realizes it’s because somewhere, he knows they’ll take care of him...if he lets them.

Then his shirt comes off so the deep bruises can have Alfred’s magical concoction spread over. His cheeks are pink when he’s laid out on his stomach with the scrub pants tossed off the bed. Soft praise while he’s spread open by gentle hands to make sure he’s not torn. Bruised and sore yeah, but nothing too awful. He gets a pair of Dick’s cut-off sweatpants that still hit him below the knee and one of Jay’s shirts that he practically swims in, but he feels about a million times better just wearing their clothes.

And when they’re careful with him for the next few days, when love making is tender and slow, when touches are easy with his bruises in mind, when everything is verbal and consent is crucial, he make more of an effort to stomp down the urges to push his limits, push himself. He stomps down on those stupid recriminations and uncertainties, tries to remember that these two could be literally anywhere else in the world, and yet, here they are at his side.

He gets to have vigilantes bleeding on his fire escape, and the men under the mask in his bed, in his shower, in his kitchen, in his life. 

The next scene he yellows, gets a much needed pause before they continue, and the aftercare is truly a thing of beauty.

[morgana-ren]

Im. I love you? Your answer to that ask is beautiful, also I forgot about the other meaning for weed for a moment and got confused like, 'is morgana-ren a stoner? Beefy weed muscles???' and now i cant help but imagine stoned Shiggy. Specifically him forcefully shotgunning his captive because hes bored and if hes getting stoned she might as well too. Laughing at her when she gets spacey. This is a fun train of thought lol, thanks for inspiring it

I am a ridiculous and incoherent person. My first instinct is to literally reply with complete gibberish to most things. Shaming me has absolutely Z E R O effect because I have no shame. I’m a ridonkulous person. Last time I got high, I just laid in bed singing “Secret tunnel, secret tunnel” for like 3 hours.

To be fair, I would also do that completely buttfuck sober.

Gods I wish I had a gif of Shig smonkin some donk wods, but since I don’t, you’ll have to settle for me writing it.

PSA after the fact: I AM SO SORRY IT GOT A LIL CREEPY BUT TO BE FAIR, IT’S ME AND IF YOU SENDIN ME SHIT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO BE REAL FECKIN’ SPECIFIC OR ELSE I’M GUNNA MAKE IT CREEPY also weed hits me way different than it does most folks so it’s really hard for me to be able to accurately describe how it might be to anyone else. SO imagine this is supervillain quirky weed he has special made to calm his...uh,.. never ending rage. also it’s ridiculously longer than I planned. cause I get carried away. anyway love you!

His room is dank and smells like mold and must.

Tight metal bindings cut into your wrists, leaving you raw with crusted blood despite the fact you stopped fighting days ago. Your tailbone feels bruised from constantly shifting on his worn down carpet, your legs prickling and aching from inactivity.

He’s kept you bound here for a while, handcuffs looped through the foot of his bed. You’re not entirely sure how long, since his ratty blackout curtains make it hard to see daylight. He’s got them taped down, blocking out all but the tiniest slivers of light. Like most of his life, his room exists in total darkness.

Time has little meaning here.

He doesn’t leave you alone often, only really exiting the room to bring you food which you refuse to eat. Most of it has been kicked into the corner, the soft buzz of fruit flies accumulating more and more by the day. It frustrates him, but he’s keen on reminding you that he’s patient. You’ll relent eventually.

Truth be told, your willpower is starting to give. Your body is stiff and sore, head perpetually aching from crying. His moods are like whiplash, one second crooning to you how special you are to him, the next backhanding you and calling you a stubborn bitch. You don’t know what he wants from you. If the fates were merciful, he’d get it over with and just kill you.

Ending your life doesn’t seem like it’s high on his list of priorities.

He’s facing away from you now, tinkering with something on his desk by the light of his various computer monitors. You can’t make out what it is, only that he’s been at it for the past ten minutes. Grateful as you are for his lack of attention, it always makes you nervous when he gets preoccupied. It usually means he’s working on some new and exciting way to break you.

You take comfort in the momentary peace, some temporary reprieve from the invasive leer of those horrid crimson eyes scanning over you in the darkness. Whatever he’s doing, there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Only steel yourself against what he gives you when he’s finished.

He reaches into his desk, pulling out a plastic bag of something you can’t make out. All you know is when you hear the ziplock open, a strange scent floods the room. It smells vaguely familiar, but between your fucked up headspace and even worse situation, you can’t really bring yourself to care.

Leaning against the little metal bed leg you’re imprisoned against, you realize just how heavy your eyes are as you rest the back of your head on his threadbare mattress. Fighting off oncoming waves of pulsing anxiety takes most of your energy reserve, and bouts of sleep tend to come few and far between when you’re sleeping in the den of a predator.You’re so tired, so worn down, and you don’t know what else he could do to you that he hasn’t already done or planning to do. It would be a lie to say you hadn’t considered saying that to him, but you feel like tempting the universe or him isn’t a great idea right now. Either way, your eyelashes feel like weights dragging you under into the sea of sleep.

You’re almost there when his chair squeaks and you jolt awake, that overwhelming sense of dread coming over you. Your instincts blare and somehow you just know his eyes are on you again, waiting for you to acknowledge him. He wants your attention, and he expects you to give it.

Dragging your exhausted lids open when you know you’ll have to see that terrifying man is a burden you haven’t grown accustomed to having quite yet, but it’s one you bear anyway. Besides, you know that if he thinks you’re ignoring him, he has no problem forcing you to look at him. It’s easier to just give him what he wants. He hurts you less that way.

So you do, and just like you expected, he’s simpering down at you, holding something you can’t make out in his hands. Gulping comes on impulse; he looks far too pleased and that never bodes well for you.

“Do you know what this is?”

He holds it out and it takes you a second to make it out in the dark, but you know that basic shape.

“I-is that a pipe?”

“At least you know that much.” He gives you a cheeky lip quirk, making heat rise in your cheeks. Palming it in one hand, he uses the other to fish in his pocket, one finger carefully pulled outside the kangaroo pouch of his jacket. Following his movements, your brows furrow and curiosity almost wills you to speak. The words stall in your mouth, however, when you see him pull a cheap lighter out between two fingers.

He flicks it a few times with his thumb, sparking the light and sending small cinders dancing across the his lap. After a few tries, it finally holds. The light across his face only makes him seem all the more sinister, exacerbating the shadows that reside in the craggy, marred flesh of his cheeks. The flame dances in his pupils and the orange tinged shine glimmers off the edges of his weirdly perfect, jagged teeth. It’s extremely unsettling.

He lets the flame die, picking his pipe back up and tapping it on the desk once or twice.

“I don’t do this often. I usually prefer to keep a clear head.” He lazily arches back in his chair, inhaling the dank stench of the sticky green plant packed in his pipe before returning his gaze to you. “But in some cases, I find it can help you relax.”

Bringing the pipe to his face, he wraps his chapped lips around the bit and sparks the lighter again. You watch as the flame is sucked toward the bowl, igniting the contents and bringing them to a dull simmer.Thumb twitching on the carb and pinkie pulled away, he inhales, letting his head lull back on the seat of his chair. After a few seconds and a suppressed cough or two, he leans forward and exhales, sending a splay of thick, billowing smoke directly into your face.

You turn your head, watery eyes clinging shut, but it’s not enough to keep the acrid stench from clogging through your sinuses. It constricts your throat, compelling an instinctive cough from deep in your chest. Whatever it is he’s smoking, it’s strong.

His high pitched laugh echoes off the barren walls of his room as you scrunch your nose and try to disperse the smoke pooled in your face. When the air finally clears, he’s leaning toward you, arms resting on his knees with the pipe in one hand and his lighter in the other. The little embers still burn beneath the lip of the bowl, little grey spirals rising up from the still burning plant clusters.

He holds it out to you (as if you could take it with your hands restrained behind your back), hyena-grinning as you scowl up towards him.

“You should try a little. It might make you a little more-” Pausing, he pretends to be in thought. More mockery, you really wish you were desensitized to it by now. “-friendly.”

“I would have been friendly if you hadn’t kidnapped me like some sort of psychopath!”

He rolls his eyes at your outburst, languidly pushing himself off of his dilapidated computer chair and crouching down next to you instead. You know better than to kick at him, he won’t hesitate to break your legs to keep you in line. All you can do is stare at him nervously as he shakes his shaggy pale hair out over his forehead, still sporting that unnerving expression. His scarlet eyes burn arguably brighter than fire from the pipe, and exponentially more threatening.

He moves a little closer into your space, bringing the piece back up to his lips and lighting it up once again. He takes a deep inhale this time, even deeper than the first. Chest puffed and breath held, his lanky arm reaches out back behind him places the still-burning pipe back on the desk, gaze never leaving yours.You figure he’s going to blow it in your face again, either to be annoying or to try and give you some sort of shitty second rate high to make you more malleable.

It’s obnoxious, but not even close to the worst thing he’s done to you.

Yet, his cold, dry fingers grab at your jaw, forcing you to keep your attention on him. A chipped nail from his thumb prods at your lower lip and you realize he wants you to open your mouth. You could tell him to go fuck himself, but that only gives him what he wants, if only for a moment. Instead, you choose to glower at him.

If looks could kill, he would probably keel over, but unfortunately you live in a world where he has the upper hand. He squints at you, something you know would be equally as furious as your own grimace if his features had the freedom to express it. The fingers on your chin clamp down, digging into your soft skin in a bruising grip. The more you defy him, the more he punishes you, and his large hands have more than the power they need to cause you pain.

Eventually you feel your jaw start to crack. You try to hold out, try to stay your ground, but it becomes too much. Between his brutal strength and your already weakened condition, it’s no use fighting him on something he really wants.

You open your mouth, if only to cry in pain, and he immediately crashes his lips against yours.Teeth clack as you try to shake him off, but it’s too late. He’s breathing his air into your lungs, caustic mixture of the taste of the weed and the bitter scent of his breath swirling deep inside you. You try to heave it back at him, but the damage is done. Smoke barely seeps from the tiny cracks he allows between your faces, and your need to breathe is stronger than your ability to fight, so eventually, you relent.

You gulp the air he gives you down, just wanting him to get the fuck away from you. You can feel his lips quirk in a smile as you fight the urge to spit up from the foul scent of his exhale, ripped and bloodied lips scratching against yours. Eventually when he does pull away from you, you go into a hysterical coughing fit and between your bouts, you can hear him cackle.

You finally manage to calm yourself, but whatever it is he’s made you inhale, it’s strong. Stronger than anything you’re used to. Even second hand, your head is already humming, and you can feel your chest tighten against your will.

“You feel it, don’t you?” High pitched giggling and a weirdly gentle brush of a hand across your buzzing, swollen cheek. You go to swat him off, hissing in pain when the metal edge round holding you back cuts into an already existing cut. “Soon you won’t have any fight left in you at all.”

He leaves you alone for a minute, door clicking behind him. You catch your breath in his absence, eyes scanning your surroundings. You look for something, anything he has left within your reach that you can use to escape. It’s what you do during the exceedingly brief moments he’s not around, and so far, it hasn’t yielded any results, but you refuse to give up.

The curtains likely mean that there’s presumably a window behind there. If you can just get free, you might be able to jump out. Problem is you’re stuck with your hands restrained behind you on a metal bed post. It doesn’t matter how much you kick and scream, no one ever comes, so it’s probably safe to say whoever is below or above you doesn’t give a shit. You need to get out of these cuffs.

He smokes, at least occasionally. He’s probably got a bobby pin around here for scraping. If he’s anything like your mates, they probably litter the floor. To be fair, even if you get one, you don’t really know what to do with it. You could try your hand at lockpicking?

Heh. Hand. Get it? Cause all those hands?

Focus.

The biggest problem right now is the handcuffs. Technically, you could get out of them, but you’d have to disjoint your fingers to do it, which takes away from your already pathetic chances at escaping. It hurts to move your wrists, let alone yank on them. Why the fuck did this asshole have handcuffs anyway? Unless he’s doing some kinky shit in his down time. You wouldn’t put it past him, he’s obviously a weird guy. He seems like the type to be into some dirty stuff. You don’t know who with, but there’s probably villain fuckers out there he could find and take advantage of. Gross.

You audibly laugh.That’s funny.That’s really funny. You don’t know why, but the thought makes you giggle uncontrollably. Your mind refuses to stay on track.

Fucking focus!

Somewhere far away, you hear the door open and his heavy footsteps off to the side of you. Too late. You’re still laughing.

“Hey Shigaraki-”

He’s leaning down next to you, fucking with something behind you. Your hands. He’s messing around your hands. He’s cold. Why are his hands always so goddamn cold? Is that why he’s a villain? Cold hands? That would make you a villain too.

Your head feels several sizes too big, and you can’t help but think about how he smells like dust. Everything feels slow. You can feel your heart pumping. You can hear it too.

“-You should like, just let me go.That would be kinda cool. My hands hurt.”

You don’t notice they aren’t even cuffed anymore, or that he’s scooping you up in his arms and gently placing you on his bed.

“Don’t try to fight, now. You need a tolerance to before it’ll feel normal. You’ll only hurt yourself, and that would be such a shame.”

You can tell he’s mocking you again, but you just chortle because the words are processing like a slurry. The back of your head feels so soft. It’s definitely not the awful metal he’s made you crick your neck on the past little while. He’s touching your arms and it tickles. Flashes of his face play in your mind a little slower than they’re probably actually happening. It’s terrifying, but the fear doesn’t register. You wanna touch his face. You bet it feels funny.

You can hear the click of handcuffs again, and you know he’s cuffed you once again (so rude), just somewhere new now. Your fingers grip and you feel metal bars. A bed frame. Again. Uuugh. You kick your feet a little and they bounce off the mattress. Bouncy.

There’s a weight shift near your feet, and before you can really understand what’s happening, he’s on top of you, face hovering less than an inch above yours. Your cheeks are burning as his flaxen hair tickles and curtains you, and no matter how hard you want to, you can’t stop staring at his eyes. They’re so fucking intense you swear they scorch you. Like an abyss, you feel yourself being swallowed inside them as they stare long into you. Hate. Rage. So much embodied negativity you can practically feel it. Panic blooms in your chest but your body is reacting too slow. All you can do is squirm.

“Shh-” He’s caged your head in his arms, and his breath is glossing your cheek, just as sour as before but somehow you know what’s about to happen is much worse than forcefully smoking you out. “This’ll be much better for you if you relax and give in. Who knows? You could even enjoy it.”

He grinds his clothed pelvis into yours, and while somewhere inside your head, sirens are blaring, all your body can process is pressure against your most sensitive area. You whine, and he takes the opportunity to press his lips to yours again. Your mouth is slack and moist, so it’s nice and easy for him to slide his slimy, disgusting tongue down your throat. With your brain short circuiting from both shock and whatever he’s made you consume, your body doesn’t have enough control over its facilities to fight back.

He kisses you long and hard, if you can call whatever he’s doing to you kissing. It’s more like he’s trying to devour you. Sloppy, wet, and possessive, like he’s trying to choke you with his essence. It could have been a minute. It could have been hours. You don’t know.

When he does finally pull away, you can feel your stomach lurch as he laps at the string of spit that connects you to him, but you only blink your eyes wearily despite your extreme bodily reaction. You feel sleepy, or more accurately, your eyelids feel kinda heavy. Really heavy. Something visceral is telling you to stay awake, to keep fighting, but you just can’t. You can hear yourself speak but you don’t even know what you’re saying. You don’t remember.

“You’re cute like this, all spacey and stupid.” He flicks your forehead and your eyes flicker back open, but only briefly. “I guess it hit you kinda hard, huh? Sorry about that. I should have warned you. It must’ve slipped my mind.”

He presses his mouth to yours again, a little softer this time. You’re almost out at this point, everything feels so heavy. So sluggish. You barely feel his long, thin fingers glide slowly up your shirt.

“I think you could come to like it here with me if you stop being stubborn. But that’s okay. I forgive you. Like I told you before. I’m patient. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[tumble4rpdr]

Just some thoughts because I’m in my feels and we’ve gotten little content:

Anyone else just obsessed with Brooke dancing? I love to go back and watch her performances. She serves raw appeal that is hard to find and I love when she uses real dance moves. Not saying drag moves aren’t real dance moves, but not every queen can do leaps and spins like Brooke Lynn.

I was looking back at the s11 promos and I just wished we saw more of B&V during this time. I fully believe this time was probably their prime time. From what others have said about them celebrating each other and their fun it would of been nice to see them back then. I also notice so much in the s11 promo. Like there was so many hints. And did anyone notice how Brookes point shoes (specially the ribbon in the back) was the exact same as Vanjies ribbons around her shoes? Also Vanjies promo shoes with the ribbons was so fucking adorable. She is so tiny and cute but also her thighssss 👀 🥵

I also wish so bad that b and v can go on an Allstars together. I know the chances are u likely but it would be so entertaining. Even them just being platonic and friendly and supportive would be so amazing. Like imagine the room decorating challenge with them? Arguing about the paint colors and decor and Brooke having to reach things for Vanjie because he can’t. It’s all too much. Or like a dance challenge where their partners. No matter how much time passes NO ONE can deny the energy and chemistry they have for each other. It’s unmatchable.

I think about the most random stuff. Like did Brooke use to tighten Vanjies corset for her? When Brooke was stress would Vanjie try to tickle him and squish him to smile? After they did the nasty (I fucking can’t hahaha) did they use to kiss up and say how much they cared for each other? But also when they Brooke up. I can’t imagine how hard it was for them to see that but also have feelings but knowing it probably wasn’t going to work out and didn’t want to get hurt again.

Lastly, sorry for that long ask 😂 I’m manifesting any content for those two together. A simple like will be a blessing lol. Also if Vanjie misses a appearance within the next month on tour, it’s because she’s filming for CDR. I KNOW THATS DUMB BUT IM PUTTING IT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE. IF SHE IS ABSENT FROM SOMETHING MY MIND WILL AUTOMATICALLY GO THERE. But Vanjie on CDR would just be so iconic and cute so she gotta be there one day.

Never apologize for having a long ask nonny because I loved hearing your thoughts and this ask definitely made me smile (and now I’m going to give you my even longer answer)😊

First off I don’t blame you for being in your feelings when it comes to B and V (and like you I blame the lack of content between the two of them) since I know there’ll be times when I think about the two of them and I get a little sad because I think about their breakup and all the moments we didn’t get to see and all the moments they didn’t get to have together and everything they were feeling during that time but then I can also feel so happy and think of their friendship and all the possibilities the future holds for them and their relationship and think of all the cute moments from their past and all the great content we’ve gotten from them💜

And I’m right there with you in being obsessed with Brooke dancing😍While I love when does more “traditional” drag dancing/performances (I don’t really know how else to describe it🙈) because she’s confident and bold and commands attention but (like you) I absolutely adore when she brings in more technical/advanced dance moves like leaps and twirls. I’ve gone back to watch her early performances so many times and I watched all of the ballet performances of B that I can get my hands on and I love each and every time she’s en pointe because she’s just so strong and graceful and stunning🤩

I always want to see more of B and V’s early days, especially when they were brought together to do Drag Race things and got to be together but also got to have fun with their season 11 sisters (who I believe were usually teasing them about their coupley behavior😁). And I remember when they first announced that there was going to be a relationship between two queens in season 11 and I was trying to figure out who it would be. I watched the first episode and they showed B and V talking about how hot/handsome the other was but I still didn’t believe it was them but then they finally kissed and blatantly flirted a couple of episodes later and that settled it🙈😆But you’re definitely right that when you go back and rewatch the season 11 promo there really are so many hints that there was something between them and I always smile and shake my head about how at the time I paid no attention to Vanjie cutting Brooke’s pointe shoe ribbon at the end when now I realize just what they were trying to tell us. I love B’s promo look because she’s so fierce and elegant and you can tell that she’s enjoying herself and fully embracing her talent🥰And V was definitely adorable in the promo shoot because she was definitely tiny and cute (like you said) and was so confident and herself and I think we can all agree that her thighs looked amazing (but honestly when do they not?)😍

And like you I have dreamed of B and V on All Stars together so many times even though I know that the likelihood of this happening isn’t great since neither of them really need to do it with their current careers. I feel like if it does happened it won’t be for years (just like if they ever got back together😘) but I stans by that there’s no way they’d let one of them go on All Stars without the other since (like you said) it’d be too entertaining to miss and B and V would end up giving us and the editors/producers so much content (even without necessarily meaning to😁). You’re right about the fact that the two of them have so much chemistry together and can’t help but smile and blush and giggle and have fun and be cute whenever they’re around each other so them being together would definitely be so amazing🤩I absolutely love your idea of B having to grab things that V can’t reach (I need to see this in a fanfic somewhere🙏🏻) and I’ve always wanted B and V to perform together in almost a recreation of the tango Katya and Violet did during the Prancing Queens challenge in season 7. They’d both be so sexy and perfect and work in their mesmerizing chemistry and B would be all passion and power and perform the steps flawlessly and V would be fiery and bold and give the moves a little extra flare😉

You wondering if Brooke used to tie Vanjie’s corset for her definitely brings me back to that night when B was backstage at one of V’s performances and he was trying help her zip up her outfit/fix her zipper (which is a moment I love-especially when they re-enacted their Untucked kiss😍) so I would like to think that the two of them helped each other out when they could during their season (especially because it would’ve given them more time to talk and interact and flirt😘) and when they performed together afterward. I also adore the cuteness of your idea of V cuddling and tickling B when her anxiety hit as a way to relax her and make her smile (another great fanfic idea😁) and I think that V is too warm and kind and empathetic to not do something to try to cheer B up and B definitely loves V’s silliness and sweetness and bubbly nature so there’s no doubt that she was able to calm him down and bring a smile to his face☺️Then there’s their sex life (which I have thought way too much about for so many different reasons🙈) and I’m reminded of when Brooke shared that “funny story about Vanjie” in that cameo and how she said that V was super cuddly while he wanted his space to sleep and how V would just watch him while he was sleeping🙈I do think that both of them were very touchy and affectionate (since it’s in their natures to be) and it was all so new so you know there was some tenderness and discovery but also some lust and longing😍And I don’t like to think about their break up (I still haven’t even made it through the reunion and refuse to watch it again😫) but I know there were definitely so many feelings swirling around inside both of them (like hurt and anger and heartbreak and sadness and worry and doubt) so it makes me so happy to see what a good place they’re at now in their relationship and to know that they were truly able to work through any bad feelings or issues and stay close friends because they refuse to not be a fixture in each other’s lives🥰

And I’m always craving any kind of interaction between the two of them and it feels like we’ve gone so long without any content from them so I’m definitely anxious for it🙏🏻And I fully support your desire to see Vanjie on Canada’s Drag Race since (like you said) it would be iconic and amazing and you know V would have so much fun and be so happy to be there and B would be laughing at everything she says and just enjoying her presence (as usual)😊I’ll join you in putting it out into the universe since it’s definitely something that needs to happen and I would absolutely love thing to see the two of them together😍

[lilhemmo]

Omg thank you so much for writing for vegeta and im so happy u said to request more!! Could i request some jealous vegeta where it makes him and the reader argue then end up making up? I loves angst that ends with fluff! :)

a/n: hello there vegeta anon!! i do hope that you enjoyed my last one shot and this one as well!! feel free to keep requesting if you would like :) 

“You’re suffocating me.”

“He’s looking at you like you’re raw meat!”

“He’s allowed to look at me,” you snark, crossing your arms, “I look good.”

A growl emits from the back of his throat but you smack him on the bicep, “You’re so annoying. I can’t even spend one peaceful afternoon at one of Bulma’s famous cook outs and you’re making menacing eyes at everything that walks past me.”

Nonetheless, he releases his arm from around your waist and turns his body from you in petulance.

That isn’t the first or last time that his hands find your body in a public place, specifically when he catches someone glancing over you in an illicit way. Vegeta’s palms graze over your hips, your shoulders, and sometimes so close as to brush his knuckles against your jaw. You know it’s all for show, a mere act to keep inappropriate attention from you. 

It takes a little while for you to explode in front of a crowd, but eventually you do. Before now you could chock up his protectiveness as secret emotion that his Saiyan cells won’t allow him to express. Before now you could say that maybe he really just wanted to keep you safe. 

But now?

“You can’t have it both ways!”

Your breath heaves from your lungs, eyes bright and watery. You shake your head and stomp your foot in front of him, pointing a finger between his chest plates. 

“You don’t get to act like I belong to you in public and then disregard me when the prying eyes go away!” You drive your finger further into his armor, splitting the chest plate so your fingernail can tear into the thing fabric of his training gear. 

Vegeta growls and his eyes threaten to glow bright blue, “You dare try to embarrass me in front of all these people? Me, Prince Vegeta?”

“Prince of Bad Attitudes!” You shove him backward with a push of your palm. You swallow thickly and try to keep down the hot tears that threaten to spill onto your blushing cheeks. “You’re being a fraud, Vegeta!”

“Gah?!” He steps back and his hands shake by his sides, “H-How dare you?!”

You narrow your eyes and spit the next words out like venom, “How dare you?”

Without another word, you stalk away from the party, towards the lake so you can dip your toes in the water and let your temper roll off of you in waves. The night is balmy and you look up at the stars, your chest heaving with emotion. You take a breath and wipe the tears from your face, wrapping your arms around your waist as you sniffle.

It takes another hour before you hear feet shuffling in the grass behind you. Your toes have turned to raisins, the skin of your feet crinkling in the cool water of the lake. You don’t even have to turn your head before you’re making a snarky comment, “If you’re here to give me a fake excuse for an apology, you can leave. I don’t want it.”

The familiar sound of Vegeta’s grunting is just behind you and you can imagine the tense look on his face; you cant to smile at the thought of it but you keep your face still. 

He walks to where you’re standing, but you’re surprised to see his bare feet in the water. You’ve only seen him without his boots a rare number of times. It’s a part of his armor that he hardly ever removes.

“I don’t understand you,” you break the silence, glaring down at his reflection in the water. You grind your teeth together, hating the fact that you’re seeming so pitiful to him. You must appear weak; he must think so little of you.

Vegeta takes a small breath before speaking, “I cannot pretend to understand you earthlings either.”

“No, you don’t get to make this about me!” You find yourself heating up all over again, blush creeping up your neck to your cheeks. You stare straight at him, “You don’t get to pretend that I’m at fault here. You get to loiter yourself around, slinging yourself onto me so that other people, who are so afraid of you, will cower away from me! It’s so unfair, Vegeta!”

You scowl at him, crossing your arms over your chest to keep yourself from lashing out and trying to slap him. You’re not sure how he’d react, if he would in return lash out back at you. You know you couldn’t take a hit from the mighty Saiyan.

“Of course the earthlings fear me,” he scoffs, “why wouldn’t they? That doesn’t mean they won’t talk to you.”

A glower tightens your brow, “Are you kidding me?! You glow and scream a lot! When you’re tied to my hip every time we’re in public, what do you expect other people to think?!”

You swear you see the beginning of a smirk on his face, and you try to forget how attractive he would be if you weren’t so angry. You roll your eyes and stomp your foot in the water, a splash from the lake darkening your clothes.

“You are insufferable. Why do I continue to choose suffering?!” You run your hands through your hair and you can feel your voice beginning to flutter with nerves. “I get nowhere with you unless my love life is being threatened.”

Vegeta is lost for words, standing beside you with a grimace on his face. He turns his head to look you in the eyes, dark irises almost shining in the moonlight. He swallows and you see his throat bob, “It isn’t my fault that you’re blind, you foul woman.”

“Excuse me?!” you snap, throwing your arms to your sides as you turn to face him. “I’m blind?! How about you?!”

“Tch! I don’t know what you speak of.” Vegeta turns as you grow closer to him. You swear the faintest color of a blush is turning his skin pink, but you’re unable to focus on it as you grip him by the arm. 

“It’s because you’re this stupid Saiyan who cannot see anything further than his own fist in front of him!” You dig your fingers into his skin, forcing him to look at you. “You wouldn’t have to pretend to be something special to me if you’d just open your eyes and realize that you already are special to me. You mean the world to me and every time you walk off to some other battle that decides the fate of the planet, my heart drops all over again.”

Vegeta lets out a gasp from the back of his throat and you’re surprised that he doesn’t punt you across the courtyard or into the lake, given your intense grip on him. 

“Every time that you leave to go back to Whis and Beerus’s world, I lose a year off my life!” Tears blur your vision as you remember the way he came back damaged after the destroyer tournament. His body was crumpled, his armor cracked in all the wrong places. You shake your head and snatch your arm away from him, “I can’t sleep at night when you’re not here and then when you are, I get this back and forth with you that makes my head hurt.”

“Well I can’t help that every time I see you looking at me like I put the planets in the sky, words escape me! It’s like you put me up on this pedestal and I could never live up to what you think of me!”

You’re lost for words at his admission, staggering back a step, the lake water lapping against your calves. Your mouth is gaping and you’re surprised he doesn’t have a snide comment for your appearance. 

“B-But you already think so highly of yourself,” you swallow, blinking a few times to try and clear your senses. “Wh-Why do you have a difficulty understanding how much I think of you?”

Vegeta turns his head, squinting down at the ground so he doesn’t have to look at you. He sighs, reluctant to admit his next words, “I-I can spew words of how proud and mighty I am all day, little woman. It doesn’t mean I always believe it.”

You are emboldened enough to reach up and touch his jaw, “Vegeta...”

He wraps his bare hand around your wrist, but does not stray from you. You’re surprised that he does not cower away from your touch. It gives you the courage to take a step closer and press your free palm against his chest, curling your fingers around his breastplate.

“I want you to want me when there’s no one else around,” you tell him, taking a chance. You force your eyes to focus on his, “I hate that I only feel important to you when someone else could possibly have me. I can’t keep doing this, Vegeta. I don’t care if you think I’m weak.”

“Weak?!” he snaps. He turns your chin upward so he can get a better look at your face, and also to brush his thumb against your lower lip. “Don’t you know that I would not be so attracted to you if you were not the strongest woman I know? You may not be a real Saiyan, little woman, but you are a human force to be reckoned with. I fear for any mortal who stands in your way.”

That prompts a smile on your face, your knees weak at his commentary. You want to kiss him but you’re not sure if that’s something that Saiyans understand.

“Human affection does not make sense to me,” he admits as if he were reading your mind. “However, I know it is what you will need to feel cared for.”

You can’t help the small giggle that parts your lips. You lean forward and rest your forehead against his shoulder. His warm palms rest against your lower back. It’s quiet for a few minutes and you’re more than confused as to why he’s allowing you to stand this way - anyone could find you at any point in time, embarrassing him for being so weak for an earthling.

You tilt your head in questioning, but it’s as if he knows the answer you wish to ask before you speak, “If anyone truly believes me to be weak for this, then I will strike them where they stand.”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you in front of everyone. I didn’t want to embarrass you, I just got so angry.” You shake your head and swallow thickly, running your hands down his abdomen to rest at the base of his chest plate.

He presses his thumb just under your chin at the soft spot of your throat, using the sensitive flesh to force your eyes back to his. Vegeta is surprisingly smirking down at you, a fire in his pupils that makes something spark in your belly. 

“You being willing to stand up to me in front of all of those others was surprisingly attractive,” Vegeta is closer to you with each word until only a hairsbreadth separates your mouth from his. “It’s part of the reason I followed you out here.”

“What took you so long?” you ask in a breathy voice, your eyes threatening to flutter shut at the sensation of his closeness.

With the gentlest of touches, he guides you until your chests are pressed firm to one another, hand against the base of your back. His mouth slots over yours and he’s firm but careful when he kisses you. Your palms rest against his neck, the tips of your fingers just barely brushing against the hair at the base of his head. 

You are the first to pull away, Vegeta trying to follow you with the tilt of his chin. He grunts at the loss of contact and the sound makes you laugh. You press your lips to his cheek, “I’m starting to freeze. Think we can take this somewhere else?”

Vegeta has you in a bridal carry before you can take your next breath. He’s flying in the air, your body held tightly in his grip, “I have an idea of a few places we can take this.”

You notice that you’re headed to his room at Capsule Corp, and your body lights up at the thought of what is to come next. 

a/n: hope you loved it!!!!!!!!! please let me know if you’d like to read more :)