#there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about Destiel and the things Jensen and Misha say about them

[yours-etc]

Misha will actively go on record saying, “Jensen and I would have fucked nasty in the back of the impala, for the sake of canon Destiel of course, in a heartbeat. But the CW is homophonic :/”

And we just let him keep saying these things with no consequences.

Then Jensen like a week later is like, “No we did fuck nasty in the back of the impala, for the sake of canon Destiel of course, they just cut it :/”

[watchandread02]

For the "Holidays with the Winchesters: A very Destiel Christmas Advent Calendar" by @archervale and @wormstacheangel

Day Seven: Stocking Stuffers

Dean sneaks along the corridor clutching the stack of letters in his hands tightly. Moving past the Christmas tree, which is giving off the only light that’s guiding his way. Making sure no one is around, he moves into the Bunkers library, where they have hung up a string with stockings. They are filled with sweets, nuts and oranges already. He makes sure that no one is watching before putting the appropriately addressed letters to the corresponding stocking. Taking one last look at all the stockings, which seem way too many for him. How is it that they know that many people? The Bunker is currently filled with people in preparation of the holiday. Eileen, Sam and Jack are here, of course. But also Jody, Donna, Claire, Kaia, Alex and Patience have come up a few days before and are staying through to the beginning of the new year. And even Kevin, Gabe, Charlie, Benny, Bobby, Ellen and Jo have come to join them for a few days. Garth and his family arrived yesterday as well and Crowley and Rowena are sure to pop in tomorrow as well. So yeah the Bunker is pretty crowded and he wrote a lot of letters in the past few weeks, but he had to do this. For him. Because of him.

Having put all the letters in the stockings he puts the one addressed to him onto the table and moves up the stairs towards the door. Looking back one last time, he goes to the garage. He gets into one of the trucks he had made sure was ready to go, over the last few days.

And starting the engine, drives off into the night.

————

Sam is awoken by someone shaking him and screaming in excitement “Wake up!”

He blarely opens his eyes to find Jack standing over his and Eileen’s bed.

“It’s Christmas morning! Time for presents! The girls are waking up the others, so we can start as soon as possible.” Jack exclaims while practically vibrating in place.

Glancing at the clock and seeing it’s just after 6, Sam replies “We’ll be out in five minutes. Okay?”

“Okay!” Jack says, already running out the door. Probably headed towards the library where the tree is set up.

Turning to his left, Sam finds Eileen already looking at him. They sign ‘Merry Christmas’ to each other before Sam pulls her into a gentle kiss. They get up and head towards the library. They are dressed in their Christmas pajamas, that Jack had insisted they all wear.

What they find in the library is not what he had imagined. Everyone, but Dean has already made it, it seems. But Instead of a joyous atmosphere they are met with apprehension.

“What’s going on?” Sam asks.

“Dean’s missing.” Claire says, “I went to wake him up, but he wasn’t in his room. We already checked in the kitchen and the bathroom, he isn’t there as well. And I don’t think he would go milling around the Bunker at this moment. He also left his phone and keys in his room.”

“Why would Dean leave now? Nothing’s going to be open at this time and he also would have taken Baby if he left or at least left a note, right?” Jack asks with a worried look on his face.

Gabriel speaks up from where he was already pulling the candy out of his stocking, “I think Dean wrote all of us letters. Maybe that will tell us where he went?”

They all exchange worried glances before moving towards their respective stockings and pulling out the letters Dean wrote them.

————

Sam’s letter:

Heya Sammy,

I know you are wondering why I wrote you and everyone else letters.

I guess I just realized that I never really tell anyone how I feel about them. And I’m realizing that a big part of that comes from how Dad raised us, or more specifically me, I guess. Since you never seem to have any problems sharing your feelings. At least you were smart enough to tell Eileen you love her, before it was too late. You were always the smarter one out of the two of us.

I should have told you this years ago. And sometimes I think you kind of suspected it, but there was always a little, or pretty big, part (that sounds suspiciously like Dad) that was afraid you would react badly. But anyway. I am bisexual. There I said it, or wrote it, or whatever.

Why am I telling you this at all? Well it has to do with why I am writing these letters. I should have told you and Jack and everyone else as soon as it happened and they were back, but I couldn’t help feeling that it would make what happened more real, that Cas would be truly gone once I told everyone how it happened. I mean I told you the idiot sacrificed himself for me. He did it by summoning the Empty. Apparently he had made a deal to save Jack, like I already said, self-sacrificing idiot. The Empty would come for him, when he felt happiest. And Billy was after us. So we locked ourselves in the Dungeon, but we both knew it wouldn’t take long before she would get through. So he summed the Empty. To save me.

He told me he loved me, Sammy. And that I am not just a tool and killer. He was happiest by just making me feel loved and appreciated. I wasn’t even able to. I couldn’t say it back, Sam. Not at that moment. I was too shocked. And then the Empty took him and Billy, before I could really react and understand what was going on. I should have said it back. Pulled him into a hug and told him that he’s family and one of the most important people in my life. But I was too slow. And I’ve been miserable the last few weeks cause I’ll never be able to tell him. I’m never gonna be able to or make sure he knows that we - that I appreciate everything he has done for us over the years.

What I’m actually trying to say is, that I love you. Even though you can be a real pain in my ass sometimes. And you are probably right about me eating too unhealthy, like the smartass you’ve always been. But I’m so proud of you Sammy. And sometimes I’m really sorry that I pulled you away from Jessica and law school and the perfect apple pie life you could have had. And if I’m being completely honest I did mostly for myself, cause I was scared. Dad had been gone for a while and normally he would have at least checked in, it wasn’t unusual at that point for us to go a while without seeing each other. And I just wanted to see you again. To just have something familiar - other than Baby, of course - with me. And sometimes I hate myself that I pulled you back in again. But I also realize that I would probably have died a lot sooner, if it hadn’t been for you. So thanks for that as well. You’ve been the most constant thing in my life and for that I am so very grateful. Even if we have died on each other a few times. I guess even death can’t keep us from each other. I am so happy that you have found an amazing girl in Eileen. And I know that you’re gonna have an amazing future together. You are an awesome person and you deserve every bit of good that’s happened in the last few weeks. I mean we’ve both been through some really weird and shitty times - including multiple apocalypse’s. Our lives are crazy, man. But I hope you can finally find peace or as much peace as a Winchester can get.

Sorry I got carried away. But you deserve to know what an amazing man you are. And I guess I just wish you a very Merry Christmas, bitch.

I love you,

Dean

————

Sam looks up after having finished his letter and sees that everyone else seems to have finished theirs already. Through his own bleary eyes he notes that everyone sems to have gotten something similar to what he got, judging by the tear tracks and red rimmed eyes.

“Why would Dean do this?” Charlie asks, “he’s never been one to really open up about his feelings, so why now? And why all of us?”

Jody shoots him a worried look “You don’t think he would-”

“No, no, he wouldn’t. He was so excited to see all of you again. I haven’t seen him smile this much the last couple of months, ever since Cas-” Sam is quick to deny, before breaking off completely.

Everyone is looking at him worriedly, understanding what just went through his head.

“Guys! Look there’s one letter left on the table!” Jo exclaims holding it up so they can all see the name written on the envelope. Cas.

“Should we open it and find out what he wrote? Maybe it will tell us something of where Dean disappeared to?” Alex asks.

Jack speaks up before anyone else can say anything “We should let him read it himself.”

“Are ya-” Jack snaps his fingers before Donna can finish her sentence.

They have to close their eyes because of the blinding white light that fills the room. Once it dissipates, a person is standing in the middle of the room. The trench coat clad angel, is undeniably Cas.

Everyone is frozen in shock before Jack breaks the silence “This was supposed to be a Christmas present for everyone. I found a way to bring him back a few days ago and wanted to surprise you.” Jack says uncertainly at everyone’s silence.

Sam breaks out of his stupor first and pulls the angel into a hug. “I’ve missed you, Cas.”

Castiel returns the hug and says, “I’ve missed you as well Sam.”

After that everyone takes a turn hugging the angel, who seems a bit overwhelmed after everyone is done.

Castiel looks around before asking, “where is Dean? I would have thought he would be with all of you?”

Bobby answers the angel, “he’s been gone since we woke up this morning. We can’t find the idjit.”

“Dean’s gone?” Cas asks in a whisper.

“He left us all letters, but other than that we have no clue where he might be. Maybe you can find something in yours?” Garth says before handing the angel the envelope.

The angel takes it, staring at Dean’s scrawl of his name for a moment before turning it around and opening it. Everyone goes still as they watch the angels eyes flit across the words. There are tears slowly making their way down the angels cheeks, but when he comes to the end a smile takes over his face.

————

Cas’ letter:

Hey Cas,

Or should I start this the way you always did. Hello Cas. Okay no, that just sounds weird. Man, I miss your voice so much. I just- I miss you.

I know that you will never be able to read this, but I just have to get this off my chest. I never thought that everything would end like this. I thought we still had enough time. I thought I would be able to tell you once everything went down with Chuck. Why did I believe that I could get what I want? Fate has always fucked us over, hasn’t it? And now you’re gone. Again. But I don’t think you will come back this time. The kid said he’d be hands off. I’m happy we even got him to agree, to spend Christmas with us.

I can feel how Sammy looks at me. He’s worried. Rightfully so, I guess. Man, the first few weeks were horrible. I probably drank an entire truckload of alcohol. I just felt so, man I don’t even know how I feel. Sad I guess, though the company of the others has helped. They all miss you a lot, you know that. Maybe not. Maybe we should have made sure you really, truly felt accepted and loved by us. The alcohol helped to numb my feelings for a bit, but I don’t want your sacrifice to go to waste. Maybe that would make you come back. You would come back to life, just to kick me in the ass for dying after you sacrificed yourself for me.

And I’m also so angry. Because you could have told me. Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me about the deal you made? We could have worked out a solution. Together.

I am not going to be angry about you sacrificing yourself for Jack, because I understand. I have done the same. Multiple times. And I would probably do it again. If I thought there was even a chance to bring you back like that. I would do it in a heartbeat. But I wish you had felt comfortable enough to tell me. I had hoped that I hadn’t made you feel like you couldn’t tell me what was going on in your life.

I’m not only angry at you, but also at myself. Because why did you think you couldn’t have me? That your true happiness was only in saying it. Because you could have had me. For years now. There has only been you. You never saw the way I was, the times you died. It was like I became a totally different person, anytime you died and then came back. Man, you are- were my happiness. With you gone I didn’t see a point in going forward. Other than being a tool to stop yet another apocalypse. You would probably hit me for even suggesting that I’m not worth much more than a tool, ‘Daddy’s blunt little instrument’, right? But I’m going to try to be better. For you.

Man, I miss you so much. I love you, Cas. And not like a brother or just as my best friend. I’m in love with you. Oh damn, that feels kind of good to get off my chest. I get it now. Why it made you so happy. Just saying it. But dammit. You could have had it, Cas. All of it. All of me.

I love you with all your quirks and oddities (are you proud of me for knowing that word?). I love the way you talk - also, man that voice, is that just you or Jimmy? I love that trench coat you grew so attached to. I love the way your hair never seems to lie flat and that you never really got the hang of getting your tie to lie right. I miss those blue eyes of yours. They seemed to always pull me in and never let me go. I don’t know if it was your angel heritage shining through, but they always seemed to glow. I hope you know that you also were never just a tool. That I didn’t want you around just because you were an angel. You were my best friend Cas. I loved you so damn much. Even before I admitted to myself that it wasn't just as a friend or a brother. But even then I never thought you could ever love me like that. I never thought that you could feel that way about little old me. I should have gotten the courage to tell you, a lot sooner.

And I hope that I can give justice to the man you saw in me. Because of your words I didn’t give in to Chuck’s goading (I bet you would be proud). I’ll try to be better. For you Cas, always for you.

I love you (always and forever),

Dean

PS: If you are ever able to read this and I’m not in the bunker or anywhere with our family. Look for me where it all began.

————

Looking up Cas exclaims “I think I know where he is.” Before he is gone with a flap of his wings. Everyone else is left confused, staring at the now empty spot.

Sam clears his throat, drawing the attention to him. “Well I guess we just proceed how we would have originally. Breakfast first and then presents. They will join us when they are ready to.”

And with that they move on with their original plans. But this time much lighter than before, in the knowledge that Dean and Cas will finally be able to talk.

—————

Dean is standing in the barn, when the doors suddenly fly open. The lights go up in sparks and Dean is thrown back to 12 years ago, when this happened the first time. Back then he didn’t know that the angel stalking towards him would become his best friend. The love of his life. His happiness.

Dean just stares in shock as Cas comes ever closer, until they are almost standing toe to toe.

“Are you really here?” Dean asks in wonder.

Cas smiles gently at him, “yeah I am. Hello, Dean.”

Dean chokes on a sob as he moves to pull Cas into a tight hug. Cas wraps his arms around Dean as well, pulling him impossible closer. They stand like that for an eternity, just holding each other close.

“You love me.” Cas whispers into Dean’s ear.

Dean pulls back to look into Cas’ eyes. “Yeah, I do. I love you, you idiot.”

“I love you too.” Cas says.

For a moment Dean freezes, fearing the worst, but when nothing happens, he lets out a sigh of relief.

“You’re here to stay?” Dean asks, uncertain.

Cas cups Dean’s cheek gently. “I am, yes. I’ll even ask Jack if he will make me human, so I can live out the rest of my life with you.”

Dean leans into Cas’ touch. “If that is what you want, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

“Dean, I know that we still have a lot to talk about, but can I kiss you?” Cas questions.

“Of course, always.”

The next second they are kissing. Intertwined from head to toe. Holding each other close. Tears are making their way down both their faces. But not even an earthquake could stop them now. They finally have each other and they won’t let go for a very long time.

[narrynukezankielover]

I know this scene in ep 17 has been talked about before but what I found interesting is that Naomi is talking like she’s getting Cas ready for when he finds the angel tablet and he’ll be forced to kill whoever is with him. She doesn’t specify Dean or Sam yet of course Cas is forced to kill hundreds of Dean clones. This tells me that she assumes Cas will be with Dean whether it’s because he’ll need help and she knows he’s the one Cas will go to because he trusts Dean or Dean wouldn’t let Cas do it by himself and will go with Cas.

Sam is surprised that Dean prayed to Cas even though he’s calling him an ass. Obviously Sam doesn’t know that Dean has prayed to Cas hundreds of times since he prayed to him every night in purgatory and a bunch of times before and after. It’s only now that Sam realizes that there’s something wrong with Cas yet Dean knew as soon as Cas came back. So Dean knows something is wrong and that’s what’s makeing Cas act weird yet he still trusts Cas to watch over Sam. It’s amazing because Dean isn’t a religious person and he has no faith in god or the other angels. All his hope and faith is in Cas. If Cas dies his hope and faith is gone and he can barely function.

This scene is amazing. One of the best scenes I’ve seen so far in terms of acting and storyline. Dean tells Cas to get the angel tablet Cas will have to kill him first. That’s usually something someone says if they are planning to fight back yet Dean does nothing but let Cas hit him. It’s beautiful that they won’t fight each other even in a situation like this where Cas is being mind controlled. Then there’s Deans speech. I know you. It’s me. We’re family. We need you (swallow). I need you. The I know you and it’s me is saying the same thing I just said Dean knows Cas wouldn’t intentionally hurt him of all people. Then the we’re family. That’s a big thing for Dean. It means I trust you, I’d die for you and I know you feel the same way. First he said we need you as in him and Sam needs Cas as an angel but then he swallows and gets the courage to say I need you. This is also big. Dean has said this to Cas before but it was different. Before it was a I need you in my life whether you’re an angel or not. This time it was clearly Dean not haveing the courage to say I love you but the next best thing. This time it’s more about their profound bond as Cas said. I know originally Dean was supposed to say I love you but I personally don’t think he’s ready to say that yet. Then Cas goes to fix Dean but Dean doesn’t know if Cas is going to kill him or what he’s going to do yet all Dean does is grab Cas arm.

The beginning of ep 18. Sam asks Dean if there was anything he wanted to talk about and what had happened with Cas. Dean said like my feelings? Sam said sure if that’s what you want to talk about. Sounds like Sam knows about Deans feelings for Cas and is letting him know that he’s willing to listen. This look was Dean realizing Sam knows but there’s no way he’s talking about it yet.

Lastly I just want to share this. I had a conversation with my friend a few days ago and she watched Supernatural just not the last season (it’s not on netflix or it wasn’t when she was watching it). She also isn’t on tumblr or instagram and hasn’t watched any of the con interviews so she has no idea about what people say about the show. She’s half homophobic. She doesn’t mind gay guys but she doesn’t want to see it. I asked her what she thinks Deans sexuality is. She said bi. I asked if it was because she knows I’m a Destiel fan but she said no it’s pretty obvious considering the scenes. Then I told her about Cas confession speech and how Dean was supposed to say I love you and a bunch of other stuff that was supposed to happen and how the changes didn’t change Destiel at all and she said I knew it.

[diminuel]

Destiel Hanahaki: both of them have it but Cas’s angel powers keep them from growing in his vessel and one of the big issues Cas had as a human all alone was his flowers starting to grow, and it’s another reason he kept stealing Grace even tho it was killing him, the flowers would also without the Grace so might as well right?

And Cas knows Dean has developed it, probably around season 6, so clearly it’s about Lisa. Cas tells Dean about Dean’s affliction when Dean asks him to erase Lisa’s memories but Dean insists (and Dean knows his flowers aren’t for her, they started once he began missing Cas who was being all weird and distant and then the betrayal and then the lake…). Cas heals Dean’s lungs consistently, he’s asked Dean if he wants Castiel to fully remove them like the surgery would, roots and feelings and all, but Dean the stubborn, loving man that Cas knows he is refuses the full procedure, only asks that the symptoms be treated.

(It’s one of the reasons Dean goes so off the rails when Cas dies or disappears, the longer Cas is away the more the flowers strangle his lungs, because contrary to the usual movement of the disease, where being around the object of one’s unrequited love usually speeds up the process, Dean’s flowers are more content when Cas is around and this makes Cas REALLY not suspect they are for him, Dean truly is one of a kind.

Jack watched in curious horror as he watches the roots only he can see slowly strangle Dean as he waters the flowers with bitterness, alcohol, and a broken heart. Sam tries asking Jack to heal his brother, who he watches cough up orchids and extinct flowers, and ancient plants that predate flowers, but there’s nothing the Nephil can do. Billie sent Dean back into the world of the living with a pruning just before Cas’s return, who didn’t see how bad Dean got away from him in such short amount of time. )

When Cas goes to the Empty, he heals Dean one last time, hoping Dean will one day either go find Lisa or have the surgery to finally heal himself, not knowing he’s only delayed Dean’s death by a few months, not by a rusty nail in a barn, but a broken heart and a jungle in his chest.

(Over the years there have been “allies” and enemies and even a desperate Sam that have tried covert, magical, and usually effective ways removing the roots and feelings fully. Crowley, Rowena, Ketch, and even Naomi and Amara have tried demon, witch, MoL, medical, and angelic treatments to either save this idiot against his consent or to sever his connection to Cas, but these treatments, powerful and usually 100% affective, don’t work to their bafflement)

No MCD (at least none that is permanent) allowed on this blog! X3

Hanahaki is a trope that completely passed me by. I vaguely know what it is but I haven't read a fic about it yet.

In any case!! I don't know if Cas would think that Dean's still mourning Lisa that many years on? Also, what would happen to Lisa in this circumstance? Wouldn't Cas have seen that she doesn't have the flowers? (Or doesn't it have to be mutual? Like some sort of soulmate thing?)

But I don't know enough to really contribute ideas to this scenario, apart from the "NO MCD! *Rowena voice* Fix it!" *lol*

[ripplestitchskein]

Heey I really like your Stolitz and Helluva Boss Takes! They are very insightful and interesting to read. Your circus theory is adorable :)

I’m wondering, why do you think this fandom in particular is… so rabidly against media literacy. I too am an old trooper from the Destiel days and I remember the days when internet fans would beg for more complex characters that have grey morality. Also when people would BEG for gay representation like this. I’m so confused man. The “vivziepop critical” hashtag just makes me depressed. So many people seem obsessed to criticize this show and I don’t get it. I haven’t seen this much hate since Twilight. Also did the mistake of checking twitter… Also, why do people act like one person did everything when animation is a highly collaborative medium and there are 100+ creator names at the end of each episode? I’m so confused because I’ve enjoyed the show so much and went online to find fanart and fanfics and found… insane levels of hate and projection?? Why does everyone and their dog want to cancel this woman for making an animated TV show with millenial style sensibilities? Why are they saying the writing is horrible and atrocious when I personally think it’s better than Family Guy, Big Mouth, American Dad and many other adult animation show’s writings? I’m so curious because I’m from Eastern Europe and it feels like something particular about american culture doesn’t click to me in all of this…

Thank you so much Nonnie! If nothing else I might illustrate Blitzo’s little circus with everyone in their roles. I’m working on a Stolitz piece I am VERY excited about but maybe after that.

As far as your question. Whooboy is that a question I have both given a lot of thought to and found no real satisfactory answers, but I have some ideas.

I think it’s a mix of things and I think a huge part of it is the medium and the accessibility of the creators combined with the show reaching a huge internet audience other fandoms don’t really normally touch.

The audience numbers for both of the Spindlehorse/Vivziepop properties are ENORMOUS. On the main channel alone an episode will reach 20+ million views. This doesn’t include other channels that take the same episodes and put them on their channels and reach several million as well. The Nielsen numbers average around the 18-20 per episode but Nielsen ratings are a flawed metric especially with internet based media. We’ve seen some of the Amazon numbers as well and they are insane.

We also live in a time where people are under an extreme amount of scrutiny all hours of the day, the likes of which we really don’t have a comparison for in human history and we have a independent creator who was largely available to that fandom for a long period of time. A lot of media properties are corporate, are sanitized and managed by large PR firms. I think VivziePop said some things before she had fully grown and developed as a person that people latched onto as a core belief system, something the internet is really good at. There also isn’t a lot of grace given to people who change their views after taking in other viewpoints and information. If you say something it will live on in infamy and I think some of the hate stems from that.

I went into it a little in this post here that I just don’t think people are aware of the creative process that goes into making such a thing. An indie creator has to be way more transparent than a corporate entity to get the funding they need and that transparency builds expectations with people who can’t grasp that plots and characters change as the story actually develops. They are very used to prepackaged, sanitized and complete productions and this messy and chaotic realtime creative process is very foreign to them.

Critical thinking skills are also a precious resource in humanity in general, and when you’re dealing with a fandom this large you have more people who lack those skills than normal. These two shows do not spoon feed their audience, a lot of things are in the details and hidden under character complexities and I genuinely believe that they aren’t used to not being told flat out “this is what is happening. This is how the characters feel about it.” By the media they consume. We’re also dealing with two different shows with similar visual elements and comparisons are made between the two while ignoring the actual shows themselves. A great example is the chains in Hazbin for Angel and Husk being compared to the chain in the drug hallucinations in D.H.O.R.K.S. They are not remotely the same, or for the same reason but because they are visually similar, being from the same team people really thought they were on to something while ignoring the actual content and dialogue of the scene itself. Meme culture used for wrong imo.

Having characters that do “problematic” things, say “problematic” things and behave in realistic and nuanced ways is hard for people to separate from the creators or the fans. Any whiff of perceived “toxicity” is jumped on like rabid dogs. They believe it’s a reflection of what the creator and fans actually WANT in real life. It’s purity culture run amuck and it’s a HUGE issue. Like actual fascism in action and it’s extremely concerning to me but what can I do but continue to engage critically with what I like and provide analysis while enjoying it?

There is also this sense of competition in fandoms. My ship is less problematic than yours. My blorbo is a better person. Etc. It’s the silliest shit.

There is also a huge wait time between episodes. In a binge watching culture, or a serialized tv culture where seasons are completed and then released all at once or on a regular schedule with maybe a week or two between it is hard for the audience to retain what they saw previously and connect it. They also build up expectations and have months to sit with them only to be disappointed when it doesn’t play out how they wanted. The Sherlock fandom was notorious for this. The years long gap between seasons let things fester and rot and now we have a show like HB that will go months between episodes and take years to tell a story.

Being completely honest almost all the criticism I’ve seen is not rooted in actual problems with the show but people saying “if they had done X and X and X it would have be a better show” but because the show didn’t deliver what they specifically wanted it’s “not good”. Or they don’t realize it is delivering that, just at a very slow pace.

I think it can best be summed up by a lot of the internet are what me and my partner call “baby brained”. I don’t mean to be dismissive of real criticisms but I haven’t seen any that hold water yet that aren’t rooted in the things I’ve mentioned above. If I’m presented some I’ll engage with them logically and will use the text to determine their validity.

I have more thoughts on this but this is already pretty long so I’ll save it for specific posts on this subject. But like I always say, just block them and do things that make you happy with the things you love. You don’t owe them your time or your attention and the creators don’t owe them anything either.

[envydeanwrites]

Bees Knees Plumbing, At Your Service

Pairing: Destiel Rating: Teen & Up Tags: Plumber!Cas, Dean owns a cat, Fluff, meet cute, cats interfering, Orange Cat Word Count: 1,074 Summary:  Dean needs a professional hand in fixing his toilet, he's already had to deal with the hot voice on the phone... and then a very attractive man turns up on his doorstep.

Read on AO3

Don’t think about it, don’t think about it! Dean tells himself as he heads towards the front door. Outside is the plumber he called two days ago about his toilet doing something weird. He’s not such an idiot that he didn’t give it a good go himself, but he was closer to fucking it up further than he was to fixing it. Give him the innards of a crapped-out car any day and he’ll have it sorted in a few hours… plumbing? No chance.

The phone call had been easy enough and would have been easier if the plumber hadn’t had an earth-spinning voice that grumbled and rolled over his ears and all the way through his body. Dean’s almost ashamed that he took care of himself that night to the voice he could remember.

Now, the man is at his door.

Dean opens it to find an instantly attractive man on his doorstep. Oh fuck.

“Hey.”

“Hello, I’m Cas Novak, from Bees Knees Plumbing. You’ve got an issue with your toilet?”

Dean swallows hard and takes a breath. “Yeah, bathroom’s this way. Thanks for this.”

He shows Cas to the bathroom, explaining on the way the things he’d tried in order to fix the problem. It’s just a pesky little leak but Dean’s had enough. He probably rambles on a little too long when he realises he’s telling the guy about how he’s a mechanic.

“Alright, I think I’ve got everything in the truck to sort this out. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Dean watches him leave and stands awkwardly in the hallway. He’s only disturbed from his quickly spiralling thoughts by an insistent meow behind him. Right, Dean’s got a guest so Atticus absolutely needs to get involved. He twirls himself around Dean’s legs before stretching up and looking at Dean expectantly.  

He gives in easily for Atticus, it's hard not to. He's got the cutest face and the most orange sense of self — wanting to be the centre of attention, causing chaos, and being the best cuddle buddy a single guy could ask for.

Cas comes back with a toolbox and a handful of rags, giving Dean a quick nod and another nod to Atticus.

Butterflies jump in Dean's stomach. Why couldn't his plumber have been some crotchety sixty-year-old and not some hot as fuck thirty-something?

Atticus chirps in his arms, wriggling to get down again. "Alright alright, mister demanding." He lands semi-gracefully on his feet and trots off to the bathroom.

Dean sighs and goes after him.

"Oh hello," Cas says with a little surprise as Atticus hops onto the side of the bath. One leg misses the tub and Dean has to stifle his amusement.

"I'm sorry about the cat. He thinks everyone is his best friend," Dean tells him.

Cas flashes him a smile that pretty much melts Dean's insides. "It's okay, I'm used to people's cats." He turns to Atticus and gives him a gentle boop on the nose which Atticus responds with a soft meow.

Dean rolls his eyes, he's got no chance of being the favourite with someone else in the house, so he heads into the living room to keep out of the way. He feels odd sitting there while the guy is doing all the work, but it's not like he can help and he is paying the guy to solve the issue.

He gives him twenty minutes before his own boredom kicks in and goes to see what's going on.

"Mr Smitten you are a born plumber. After this we will get a nice sandwich," Dean hears Cas' say, presumably to Atticus.

Dean bites his lip so he can't laugh and finds Atticus sitting on the toilet seat, batting at the pipe grips in Cas' hand.

"Find the problem?"

"Oh yes, just corrosion at one of the joints. It's further back from where you were looking and I've put everything back properly too. I even renewed the chain in your flush since it wasn't looking too good."

"Oh, thanks," Dean says, leaning against the door jamb. "I trust Atticus was helpful too?"

"Very!"

Dean had heard him talking about a sandwich. It's probably too forward to say he'll make one for him. The man's here for a job, not a date. He should definitely not ask. "I could make you that sandwich you — and Atticus — deserve?" Well, there he goes.

"Sandwich? Oh… um." Cas pats down his pockets.

"It's okay. You're probably busy. It was a stupid suggestion."

"Dean," Cas says and the word halts Dean's thoughts. "The suggestion was just fine. I don't have a lot of time, but I was looking for my notebook. Maybe… you'd take my number? Officially that is, since you already called… to get me here."

Cas is standing up straight, looking a little lost and awkward, but at least that makes two of them.

Dean thrusts his phone towards him and Cas smiles, grateful. He watches Cas enter his number before handing the phone back.

There's Cas' name there at the top with a little bee emoticon next to it. Dean furrows his brow for a moment before remembering Cas' business name and chuckles to himself.

"Thanks," Dean says with a blush to his cheeks.

"You're welcome. Call me, if you get any more issues, or if you want to get dinner sometime."

"Maybe Friday? At seven?"

Cas just smiles again, then bends down to Atticus who has crept back into the room and decided to sit between them.

His tail flicks excitedly as Cas strokes him and gives his head scritches, chirping and meowing when he stands and makes his way to the door.

"Bye, Dean. Bye Atticus. Hope to see you soon."

Cas leaves with a wave and Dean knocks his forehead against the door as he locks it.

That went… nothing like he expected. But apparently, he asked the guy out on a date.

"Huh," Dean muses. He scoops an unsuspecting Atticus off the floor who lets out a funky yowl as Dean hugs him. "I have a date, buddy!"

Atticus doesn't seem overly impressed, squirming to leave Dean's arms and giving him a look before darting off into Dean's bedroom.

"I'm excited for me too, bud." Dean laughs and throws himself on the couch.

He opens his messaging app and finds Cas' name in his contacts.

Dean | 2:38pm | Hey

Cas Novak 🐝| 2:38pm | hello Dean 👋

[vintage-bentley]

How do you feel about spoilers for Good Omens? I think this fandom has become a bit paranoid because of the way Neil reacted to the leak (which wasn't a true leak imo because it came from an official, public account). Everybody's freaking out about a screening that's happening 10 days before the season drops even though that's a totally normal thing that happens all the time with TV shows. It feels like needless hysteria to me. What do you think?

I understand it to an extent, but also feel that spoiler culture has gotten ridiculous.

I understand not wanting huge plot points to be revealed before you get a chance to experience it yourself. For example, the body swap in season 1. I feel like that’s fun to figure out yourself, then go watch again to see all the clues that were left. I would understand somebody being upset if that was spoiled for them (although even then, it just means you get the fun of catching the clues earlier. So you can still enjoy it as something new)

But there’s some people that I think take it too far. A spoiler should be considered something that “spoils” the experience. If it doesn’t spoil the experience, I don’t think it’s something to freak out about. The leak I have a hard time considering some huge life ruining spoiler…because it’s just something that might pop up in a trailer. (If you do consider it a spoiler and don’t want to know, please close your eyes and scroll past this) As you said, it came from an official account. I think what happened is that somebody didn’t get the memo that that scene wasn’t supposed to be shown, so I understand the line of thinking behind it being a leak. But as far as it being a spoiler goes…I went into OFMD knowing the leads kiss, it didn’t ruin the experience for me. I think it actually made the experience better, since I didn’t have to worry the whole time that I was being baited. So EVERY didn’t really ruin anything for me. If anything it’s making the wait more exciting (and nerve wracking, considering the worst case scenarios that have been thought up).

Neil’s reaction to EVERY set a certain tone though, and I agree that from there it turned into needless hysteria from the fandom about anything that could possibly be considered a spoiler.

Half of me understands wanting everything to be a surprise. The other half is like, come on, have some fun. Live a little. We could’ve had our own Destiel Night moment but the fandom robbed us of that experience all because Neil was a little sad.

Anyway. How I feel about it can be summed up as, I understand where people are coming from, but I think it can get a little much.

[winchester-reload]

You are one of my all-time favorite artists. I look up to your artworks so much! I also look up to the way you handle conversations with people and to your kindness within the fandom.

I have a question that does not have a clear answer probably, but I still want to try to ask it. It has been my dream since a long time to work as a freelance artist, even though I know it can be stressful and it can sound a little idealistic, but I love to make something that moves other people and touches them on an emotional level. But I don't know how to tell people, well, that I exist and that I sell commissions / prints / other things. Especially now with Twitter going downhill so fast. I have the feeling a lot goes via Twitter and that people on there are usually more likely to support you than for example on Tumblr or Instagram, and when the platform gets deleted I would loose a lot of people I kind of learned to know a little on there. Also in general - I don't even know if there is really a need for my art. I hope asking you doesn't feel like I have any ill intentions because I surely have not, I just wanted to ask if you maybe have any advice to becoming a freelancer? I am trying to not get stuck on that idea too much because art should be first and foremost fun, but it still has been a dream of mine. Most of the time I don't even feel worthy enough to ask for support with what I do so where would I start?

If this question is a too heavy one I completely understand. In any way I wish you a super nice day and much love for you and your art! You have the talent of making me fall in love with Destiel over and over again in dozens of different scenarios.

Hello, my dear anon,

First, I want to apologize for the time it’s taken me to answer this ask. I had to sit on it for a while and give it a proper think before I answered, and my brainpower is very limited these days. Maybe it always was… 😆 but I wanted to try to get it out before the end of the night, in the spirit of 2023 and new beginnings. 

Though I do think it’s important to acknowledge the idea of having fun doing something you love, it’s a little idealistic to approach a career with that as your cornerstone. Because the truth is, freelancing often isn’t fun. Learning any craft can sometimes be a slog, but turning it into your job will inherently bring in aspects of work you don’t find fun or don’t willingly love doing. But this is where the passion you mentioned comes in. 

Passion is the magic fairy dust that helps you push through the rest of it: the bad art days, the good art days. Cold wars with the local Post Office and hot mental wars with yourself. Your own self-esteem. Your self-worth. Your own lack or abundance of determination — it all waxes and wanes. Success in anything—but especially success in a self-dependant business like art freelancing is completely contingent on your ability to push through those things and hold onto your passion. Note: passion is different from inspiration. I don’t create art EVERY TIME because I feel inspired to create. I create art EVERY TIME because I feel passionate about creating—some of the time, I’m even feeling inspired. However, the things you make when you’re not “inspired” can end up being some of the most foundational pieces in your portfolio. Self-discipline builds muscles you didn’t know you needed.

And with that foundation comes the need for community support.

Building a community that appreciates the art you have to offer is totally doable; it just takes time, patience, and perseverance. You don’t necessarily have to use Twitter, if it does go belly-up, but I understand it sounds like the platform you’re most comfortable using. Personally, I started on Tumblr, and I found the majority of my support through this platform before eventually artist-spreading my way over to Instagram. I should note that this was during the Tumblr heyday, however. Before they purged adult content and banned female-presenting nips from the world. These two places are still the main social media’s I post to and interact with. It takes a shovel, a bucket of chocolate, and someone with a loaded handgun to get me to log into Twitter, but I will every once in a while. Today other platforms may prove more beneficial for you than Twitter has been. I believe, currently, Tiktok is listed as the number #1 social media for self-promotion and audience building for creators, strictly because of their solid algorithm it employs. I only recently made a Tiktok myself because I’m on the cutting edge of social media like that… (sarc), but Youtube is also a fantastic place to go if you’re not afraid of posting your face everywhere. 

I tend to shy away from TikTok and youtube because I don’t think the world needs to see my face everywhere, but the cold hard truth is it’s something we have to embrace to really experience the benefits of those platforms. 

In short: don’t be afraid to expand beyond Twitter. 

Now, to address your comment about the need for your art: 

The thing is, it’s not up to you to decide whether or not other people “need your art.” Do you need your art? If the answer is yes, and it should be, then make it. The other people who need your art will find it. I know that sounds all flowery and optimistic, but it’s the truth. Don’t waste your time trying to answer that question for them; you can’t. All you can do is make the art. Let it speak for itself. Your audience will find it. They’ll talk about it to their friends, colleagues, neighbors… etc., and your platform will grow. 

Of course, be sure you’re consistent in posting and the quality of your work. Use tags, so your posts come up in searches, network with other creators, challenge yourself with projects outside your comfort zone to expand audience possibilities, participate in art/fic challenges if this is fan-art related (or even if it’s not), and don’t be afraid to reblog/repost your own work. 

If all that sounds doable for you, then freelancing might be the career for you. 

That was terribly rambly, but I do hope it helps a little. I’m rooting for you, my friend. I think this world needs all the art.

[flyingcatstiel]

@impostoradult answered to my previous comments here. This is a huge discussion and fandom is barely starting it. Emotions run high because there’s sense of dread and helplessness, so, no, not all arguments are very rational but the thing is. The thing is we are talking about fandom space. Hobby space. Place where we are supposed to create and relax, and interact with other fans. Connections are supposed to be between humans. I want to know which blorbo lives rent free in my mutual’s head because I care about my mutual, not which blorbo is being squeezed through AI algorithm. 

Fandom is barely coming out of creators/consumers debate debacle. I’d say that lots of fans are still struggling with the idea that monetizing your hobby is bad for you and the hobby (and posting money links on AO3 is against their ToS). And now we are facing possibility where one person’s hobby will have to compete with AI product based on all fanworks combined.

Here’s some points from @impostoradult’s comment I wanted to answer directly. 

And so, to address some of your other points in more depth - if someone writing fic doesn't have an original take (and isn't even necessarily trying to have an original take) we still don't consider that a problem in fandom.

The reason why fans have no problem with repetitive fics in fandom is because we value people behind those fics, and because we consider those people integral to our fandom experience. Yes, their fic may be repetitive, amateurish and full of cliches but that is not their only contribution to fandom. A lot of fic writers run excellent fandom blogs, reblog posts and support of other creators, make gifs, mod challenges and discords. Even if they’re just lurkers, they contribute to fandom in many small ways. No AI is gonna do that for us. And it is accepted that every writer has to start somewhere, their first fics may not be the best, but they still will reflect on fandom trends. If we want to read amazing fics some day, we must support beginner writers now. When I see a bunch of similar tropey fics in my fandom, I know that my fandom is thriving. There’s a person behind each fic, there’s dialogue, there’s collective creative ping pong, there’s belonging to a group. (and then there’s Goncharov)

In fact, often times we value stories BECAUSE they so closely imitate things we've consumed before. We JOKE in fandom about the fact that we'll read 500 stories with the exact same premise that all end up the exact same way. We often overtly VALUE the highly imitative nature of storytelling (both in fandom and in wider world).

Yes, we JOKE on tumblr that if there are 500 fake dating fics, we will read them all and ask for more. But we NEVER read them all when we go to AO3. Sure, a popular trope will get an eyeballs on the fic and give it some hits, but it does not guarantee that people will kudos, comment and keep reccing the fic only because it has that popular trope. I speak from my experience as a destiel fic reccer. There’s time when fake dating was very popular and lots of authors wrote fics with this trope for dcbb. Well, not all fics got the same attention and feedback. Sometimes even, fics with great tumblr promo posts and thousands of tumblr notes had very modest stats on AO3. Because at the end of the day, supporting idea on tumblr is easy. Reading the fic, and then engaging with the author, takes effort. And most people spare that effort to fics they really liked. This is fandom dichotomy between “I want to support all my friends” and “I want to read only good fics in the limited time that I have”. 

Fic authors are very aware of this unbalanced feedback loop. It will get only harder if AI fics will flood the tags and take away some eyeballs. I think this is the main reason why so many fic writers and readers balk at the idea of untagged artificially produced fic. Such creation goes against the very nature of fandom. Commenting on a fic can lead to fandom friendships or just a positivity boost of “Hell, yea! I made another human happy with my comment!”. I’ve no idea how should I react to a fic that is a product of data filtering and squeezing even if I could admit that the end result is actually decent. Commenting on an AI fic is a dead end, ChatGPT will not write me another fic or discuss my blorbo with me.

A month or two ago, a troll or a spam bot was leaving comments on AO3 fics saying something like “ Work scanned, AI use detected “ which stressed out a lot of folks who didn’t know how to prove that they wrote the fic themselves. AI generated content is already being disruptive and it will impact and change fandom. The thing I’m trying to say here is that, AI fic is not bad because it’d be low quality or “without a soul”. It is bad news because it is disruptive to fandom as we know it in ways we can’t really predict yet. And that is scary.

[foolishle]

Obsessed with this Baking Reality Show/Pride and Prejudice Destiel AU. It's like the peanut butter whiskey I have. It feels like it shouldn't work, but then you get a taste and it's almost offensively amazing and becomes all you can think about.

I love AUs. For SPN I read exclusively AUs because my familiarity with the source material is... close to zero? I watched like four or five episodes from somewhere in the middle.

And I love modern adaptions of Pride and Prejudice. I love discovering how the author updates the events and tackles the themes.

So these are things Iike? But I wouldn't have thought they'd... meld well? But they so do.

Making a modern adaption of Jane Austen is hard because in the modern day it's hard to justify why the characters would end up in the social situations they end up in. Setting the story on a reality show seems to work well for keeping the characters around each other and limiting their choices about who to socialise with. It's following P&P canon much more closely than I would have thought it could and I'm finding myself thinking "oh how will they do...? Oh! Of course! Perfect!"

It's not flawless--in some places the dedication to including Austen's dialogue feels clunky and out of place. In some cases it works beautifully but I think it's slightly overdone.

But where it works? Fucking incredible.

She makes a happy noise at having, finally, pulled an agreement from him, shares a pleased look with Mrs Hurst, and asks, “did you see the car he showed up in?” Meg’s smoke-rough voice is loud in the quiet of the room uncaring that she might be overheard by the subject of her observations.

“I don’t know how anyone could miss it,” Hester replies quickly, “covered in all that mud and dirt? Such a nasty loud old thing; I’d be ashamed to arrive anywhere in such a contraption aside from a scrap yard perhaps.” The sisters dissolve into fits of laughter and even Mr Hurst manages to summon a derisive snort. Castiel, however, remains stoically unmoved by the joke, to Meg’s disappointment.

The main criticism I have as far as the writing goes is the headhopping. While most of it is set 3rd person close on Dean, the Author's dedication to following the events and conversations of the novel means we headhop to Castiel, often mid-scene as Dean leaves the room. I think that the author probably should have gone with 3rd person omniscient, as the original does, or just stuck with 3rd person close on dean the whole time and sacrificing those scenes that aren't from Dean's POV.

But, to be honest, I'm too attached to Pride and Prejudice to really complain and some of my favourite exchanges are those where Dean isn't present.

I haven't finished the story yet--I've just gotten up to The First Proposal. I find that Modern Pride and Prejudice adaptions almost always let me down with Lydia's Fall and make Darcy into a white night who just wants Lizzy to be happy by solving a problem she has, instead of him realising how his past errors have contributed to Lydia's situation and trying to make up for that (and also hoping that it will ease Lizzy's suffering).

But the way that Wickham has been handled in the story so far makes me pretty confident that Castiel/Darcy will be making efforts to redeem himself by taking responsibility for his mistakes, rather than just using his power and influence to fix Dean's life.

Like I said earlier, my familiarity with SPN Canon is extremely limited, and while deeper knowledge of the characters would probably add to enjoyment of the story, it's not at all required IMHO. My familiarity with almost all of the side characters comes purely from other SPN AU fics. So I'm basically recommending this more to people who like modern P&P adaptions, than to people who like Destiel AUs.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 85

Lucifer Rising/The Last of the Time Lords

I can't believe we're doing two season finales today. What...fun?? Who's to say

"Lucifer Rising"

Plot Description: Sam and Dean prepare for the apocalypse in different ways. Ruby, Lilith, Castiel, and Zachariah appear

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: you know, in 5th grade there was a moment where I was like “I think I’ll become a nun so I never have to get married” (an extremely allo and amatonormative thought to have), but I never did. And therefore I’d never be in the position to be killed like this

It’s not JUST the 11 more seasons that makes me think there is an “after” for Sam and that he’s not changed forever…

Ooo Bobby laying it ALL out. He’s right about most things here, but your family is not SUPPOSED to make you miserable, man…I’m SOBBING. “You’re a better man than your dad ever was. So do us both a favor, don’t be him.”

Castiel, what…where did you take Dean off to??

What in the White House McDonalds meal is this??

Wait. Dean knows about the Suite Life of Zack and Cody??? Why?? This is not a judgement, it’s just…

I don’t like basically knowing what the next line from Zachariah is…when Dean asks why he should have faith in the angels, I said “because you swore to?” Right before Zach goes “because you swore your obedience”

So Dean has no choice but to sit there and wait?? Rude. So he calls Sam 😭 but the voicemail cuts off just as he’s saying he’s sorry?? Why do we keep having technology that cuts out RIGHT BEFORE THE THING THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID GETS SAID

I still don’t trust Ruby

On some level, Sam still knows what he’s doing is wrong. And you can tell that by his very deer in the headlights look when the demon possessing the nurse lets the nurse’s consciousness take over for a bit

Not to be…but like. Sam, this isn’t you. This isn’t your heart

Stop taking away Dean’s free will. He’s not an angel. He was given free will as a bonus to humanity.

This is a far cry from the Sam who, with Dean, wouldn’t let everyone in that police precinct die, nor the one girl who volunteered to be sacrificed for the greater good to stop Lilith.

You know…….I should have seen this “both heaven and hell want the apocalypse to happen.” Not just because I’ve seen this before, but because Good Omens did the exact same thing

Man I hope that security guard doesn’t blink

The weird knowledge gaps angels have cracks me up. There are pop culture references they don’t know, but they DO KNOW how cell phone plans work

Ooo, are Sam and Ruby about to break up?

No. NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO THEY CHANGED DEAN’S VOICEMAIL. THOSE ASSHOLES.

the TRUST Dean has in Cas. That boy swore obedience to ONE angel. Like, yeah, it's in his best interest. Trusting Castiel, who has tried to, wanted to help him in the past, is his only ticket out of this room to go find Sam. But to be startled like that, have have Cas shove you up against a wall, hand over your mouth, Ruby's knife out and inches from your gut, and just the knowing look that as long as you don't make ONE sound, there is a CHANCE you might get out of there. (Look, back in 2011/2012, did I start shipping Destiel because it a little bit bothered my friend who introduced me to the show? yeah, but at the same time, after watching it, I understood why people did. And I was right to)

Omg omg Omg omg omg, I’m connecting the dots of Ruby feeding Sam demon blood and Cas using his blood to rescue Dean, banish Zachariah, stop the apocalypse (Edit later: I haven't connected shit...I was pretty busy the rest of the day)

There's something about Chuck touching Cas's shoulder (knowing who Chuck actually is) as the archangel coming to protect him rages outside, as they're trying to stop the apocalypse from coming.

I knew she couldn’t be trusted. This was a long, long game she was playing…

Not the demon eyes on himmmmmm. Great job, Sam. You broke the last seal…

Ok. I know the story is telling me to absolutely hate Ruby. I know this. And on some level, I do. But holy shit she’s so hot right now. Way better than any other moment she’s been on screen. So unrepentantly evil. She’s giddy about it. She’s so excited. She’s been persecuted for so long by EVERYONE but Lilith because they all thought she was helping the Winchesters. She's been around for two seasons "helping" them. And all this time...and she probably would have been greatly rewarded iiiiiiiiiiiiif she hadn't pissed off the Winchesters and they didn't kill her immediately :/

“Been On My Mind…”: Saby? Rum? broke up so nah, man. 9

"The Last of the Time Lords"

Plot Description: The mighty warships of a new Time Lord Empire arise from the Earth. With the Doctor being held prisoner by thte Master, and the Universe on the brink of war, only Martha Jones can save the human race

A whole YEAR passed since the last episode???

Oh. OH. OHHHHH. I forgot that this is what Martha does this episode. She's on a sort of fetch quest

God...I do love the Jones family. I love them outsmarting the Master. And it's so easy, too. He doesn't even consider them because he's this genius Time Lord and they're merely human...and they know THAT

The whole CGI'd Doctor will never not be creepy

In...in this timeline Bill Gates is dead?

Ok, the Master talking about the drumming reminded me that I realized this morning that there's a beeping my car makes (and I don't know how to trigger it) that has that tempo.

That's....unbelievably horrific. What did the Master DO to those poor humans on Utopia??

It's really interesting to hear the differences in what the Doctor and the Master believe the duty of the Time Lords is. The Master believes it's his right to meddle with time and space however he wants simply because he has the power to. But the Doctor knows it's to hold things in balance and there are certain things you just do not mess with. AND FUCKING PARADOXES IS ONE OF THEM WTF MAN

(Had to look up the actor who plays Thomas Milligan...tell me why the universe has lined up again so that I'm watching an episode with the lead actor for the show Lucifer on the same day I watch the episode that Lucifer is set free in Supernatural??)

THE PROFESSOR IS GOING TO BETRAY MARTHA????

Martha, you deserve to be a legend, too, babes. Sure, the Doctor was born into greatness by being a Time Lord, but YOU. Oh, YOU! He doesn't deserve you

Oh, but even though that professor betrayed her, the people did not...yet she gave herself up anyway. Oh, Thomas. RIP. You were a good guy

OKAY BUT HOW DOES THAT WORK. I knew the gun thing was a red herring, but she still had to do the quite literal legwork. But...why does everyone on Earth just THINKING the word Doctor at that one time reverse what the Master did to him??

I'm sorry, you did WHAT NOW??

Ayo, did they lose the rights to use "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters?? Because I remember THAT being used in these episodes, but I haven't heard it ONCE. There's not enough time/story left in this one. Right??

I think it would have been more interesting to not let time reverse? And have to live with the consequences of what happened? Rebuild from there? Then again, that would probably mean that Donna would be a very earthbound companion, she wouldn't get to meet Agatha Christie or anything. So, it's probably best. Maybe? Anyway...

This scene though...where the Master refuses to regenerate. I can't imagine how it would feel to discover that you aren't the last of your species, your near immortal species, the species you wiped out yourself, only for the only other one to be your old friend, your rival, but he'd rather DIE than spend any more time with you. And on the flip side, to be brought back into consciousness of who you really are, who you believe you were meant to be, and then to be told that your one chance at living is as at best a pet? and at worst a prisoner? Just an eternity of THAT? You can hardly blame him for not wanting to go on...(Ohhhhhhhhh, there's probably some good todobros angsty shit I could dig out of this...)

What is it with these BBC shows having diametrically opposed yet equal in every way rivals? And having the evil one die to cause IMMENSE PAIN to the good one?

And AGAIN!!! Like, that was episode TWO of season ONE. JUST LONG GAMES ALL AROUND. Yeah, the Face of Boe identity reveal is no longer a surprise for me in 2023, but...it's just weird how these two episodes were put together so beautifully

Ohhhh, he wants to take Martha to meet Agatha Christie, but Martha's about to tell him she's staying home. (This does shed new, sadder light on the "great big outer space dunce" moment next season. He didn't appreciate Martha as much as he should have, but he learned and gushed all his feelings to Donna how he appreciates her and how her friendship has meant the world to him....when she's telling him she's just gonna pop home to say hi)

Martha <3 It's sad to see her go, but knowing she comes back (and I think a couple times next season?) eases the pain

[watchandread02]

For the "Holidays with the Winchesters: A very Destiel Christmas Advent Calendar" by @archervale and @wormstacheangel

Day Eight: Winter

Ao3

Jack takes both of their hands, once Cas has helped him out of the car. They swing Jack around a bit as they walk up to the entrance. Sometimes Jack lets out a little giggle and it warms Dean’s heart every time.

‘Winter Wonderland’ the sign over the archway proclaims.

Jack is looking around mesmerized, taking in all the lights and attractions. Dean can understand the kid, it truly is a magical sight. All the booths are lined with Christmas lights, which blink to the beat of the Christmas songs playing over the speakers. There is a large Ferris Wheel, which looks gorgeous in the setting sun. Dean even catches sight of a skating rink and a fairytale wonderlandt.

“So what do you want to do first?” Dean asks.

Jack contemplates it for a moment. “I wanna go on the giant wheel first!” he says as he points at the Ferris Wheel.

“Then we’ll do that.” Cas says.

They make their way over to the Ferris Wheel and get in line. Dean and Cas try to distract Jack by pointing out pretty lights and playing I Spy. Luckily they don’t have to wait for long before they can get into a gondola.

Dean and Cas are sitting next to each other, with Jack in Cas’ lap. As the Wheel begins to move and make its ascend, the compartment shakes a little bit. Oh shit, Dean hadn’t really thought this through. He was just so happy about Jack’s excitement, that he hadn’t thought about the fact that they would leave the ground in a tiny metal death trap. He grips the handle bar tightly as he starts to hum metallica. His humming stops as another hand grabs his, where it is balled up on his thigh. He looks towards Cas, to find him already looking back.

“Are you okay?” Cas whispers as he squeezes Dean's hand.

“Yeah, just… you know… heights. Didn’t really think this through. But I’ll be okay.” Dean says, as he entangles his fingers with Cas’ and puts on a smile that Dean hopes is even just a little bit reassuring. Cas gives him a worried look, but Jack pulling on his sleeves, pulls his attention away. Dean just keeps staring at Jack and Cas interacting, pointing out all the sights and laughing together. When Cas looks back at him, Dean is smiling fondly at the scene. Cas’ face softens and he gives Dean a quick peck on the lips, before he turns back around to talk with Jack. Watching the two of them makes the ride go by quickly and before Dean knows it they are back on the ground. Dean finds it surprising that he actually feels really steady on his feet. Maybe heights aren’t so bad when you have something worth getting off the ground for.

“Well how about we get our bodies moving a bit? There’s an ice skating rink over there.” Dean says, as he gestures over to the rink.

“But I don't know how.” Jack says in a sad voice.

“Well I don't know how to either. So, I guess we’ll just learn together? Maybe Dean can teach us?” Cas says, addressing the last question to Dean.

Faced with two very persuasive blue eyed, puppy dog faces, Dean really wouldn't be able to say no, even if he wanted to.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Dean says as he claps his hands. The twin smiles breaking out across Jack’s and Cas’ face makes Dean’s own smile even wider.

They get Jack one of those skating helpers in the form of a penguin. He’s a bit unsure at first, but gets his bearings pretty fast and soon enough he is skating laps around the rink, without Dean hovering a few steps behind.

Dean goes to the rink’s entrance where Cas is waiting.

Holding out his hand, Dean asks, “you ready for this?”

“I guess.” Cas says as he takes Dean’s outstretched hand.

Dean pulls Cas onto the ice carefully. Cas flounders a bit as he steps onto the slippery ice for the first time. Dean pulls him close and steadies Cas, who gives him a grateful smile. Dean instructs Cas to hold onto the banister as he moves off a bit to show him how to skate. They start with Cas just practicing at the rail for a bit, before slowly moving away from the wall. Dean is always beside Cas, holding his hand and gently guiding him through the motions. Once Cas has the hang of it they move around the rink slowly, holding hands and watching Jack enjoy himself. After about half an hour Jack comes up to them, the kid looks pretty tired.

“I wanna eat something now.” Jack whines.

“Okay, why don’t you and Dean look for something for us to eat and I’ll return our skates?” Cas asks.

“Okay Dad.” Jack answers.

They make their way out of the skating rink and get out of their skates. Cas moves off to turn in their shoes and Jack and Dean move towards the booths to find something to eat.

“Hey Jack, you okay with eating Flammkuchen or would you rather eat Kartoffelpuffer?”

“I haven’t had either of those, so can we try both?” Jack asks.

“Yeah no problem, let me just send a text to your Dad so he knows where we are.” Dean does just that, before they start walking again.

“Dean, can you pick me up? My feet are tired.” Jack asks, pulling out the puppy eyes again.

“Of course, little man. You okay with going on my shoulders?” Dean answers.

Jack practically lights up. “Yeah, then I’ll be as tall as you and Dad!”

Dean hoists Jack up on his shoulders, making sure he has a secure grip on the kids legs, before starting to walk again.

They have successfully acquired the Flammkuchen and are standing in line for the Kartoffelpuffer when Cas finally joins them again. Dean had been getting kind of worried where his boyfriend was, but the three mugs in his hand give him a clue.

“Hey sweetheart. I see you got us some drinks?” Dean asks as Cas comes to stand beside them.

“Yes I did. And I see Jack is having fun.” Cas answers as he looks up at Jack who is still perched on top of Dean’s shoulders. Jack looks down at them for a moment, before going back to staring out over the booths.

“I’ll get us a seat at those tables there, while you get the food.” Cas says. He gives the two of them

Once they have gotten the food, they join Cas at the table. Dean sets down the food, before pulling Jack down from his shoulders and depositing him on the bench.

They eat their food and drink their hot chocolate, while Jack prattles on about everything and anything. Jack doesn’t seem to be much of a fan of the Flammkuchen, but the Kartoffelpuffer seem to be a hit.

Once they have fueled up with the food, Jack wants to see the fairytale wonderland. They throw away their trash and then move towards the fairytale wonderland. Jack walks around, taking everything in with big wondrous eyes. Dean and Cas walk a few steps behind him, holding hands, but having just as much fun looking at all the intricate reenactments of the popular fairy tales.

“You know this was a great idea. Jack’s definitely having fun.” Cas tells Dean.

Dean smiles really big. “I’m happy he’s having fun.”

Dean squeezes Cas’ hand before asking, “are you having fun as well, though? This is supposed to be great for all of us.”

“Yes, definitely. I mean I learned how to skate, so that’s a big plus. And just spending time with you and Jack, that always makes me happy. Thank you for taking us here, Dean.” Cas says sincerely.

Cas pulls them to a stop, before turning Dean to face him. They share a short and sweet kiss, before moving to follow after Jack again. Once they have completed a round of the fairytale wonderland, Jack looks tuckered out. Jack asks to get picked up by Cas and they make the decision to go back home.

Cas carries Jack in his arms back to the car, where he moves to put Jack into his car seat, but Jack protests.

“No, I want Dean to do it.” Jack says, reaching out for Dean with grabby hands.

Cas transfers Jack easily into Dean’s arms. Jack snuggles close to Dean for a moment and Dean holds him just that bit more tightly. Jack reluctantly lets go of him so they can actually make a move on to get home.

“Thanks for today, Pops.” Jack whispers, almost drifting off into sleep.

Dean chokes out, “no problem buddy,” before softly closing the door.

When Dean turns around, Cas is looking at him with an impossible soft look on his face. Cas opens his arms and Dean steps right into them.

“He just called me Pops.” Dean says, as tears start to make their way down his face.

Cas gently wipes at his cheeks before giving Dean a quick kiss. “Yeah we had a talk about it a few days ago. He said that he wants to start calling you Pops now and I told him that he should try it out and see what your reaction would be. I take it, you’re okay with him calling you that?”

“Yeah of course I am. I’m ecstatic about this. I love Jack, I love you. You two are my family and I’ve been starting to think of Jack as my son for a bit now, but I didn’t want to step on any toes.” Dean answers.

“No toes are being stepped on, don’t worry. And I love you too.” Cas says as he pulls Dean in for another kiss. This one lasts a little longer than the other ones they had shared throughout the evening. Pulling away for air, they stand close together, foreheads touching, just enjoying the moment for a bit. After a couple of minutes they detangle from each other and get into the car, to drive home.

[ghoulshima]

“i love you”

cuts to dean

“i love all of you”

cuts to dean again

[profoundbondfanfic]

☆ Destiel + Curses

Don’t we all wanna know about the crazy hunts? Don’t we all wanna learn about Dean and Cas turning into kids, still determined to “fight baddies”, or about Sam’s time as a woman? And what about Dean’s struggle to deal with his feelings for a certain blue-eyed guy right in the middle of all this strangeness that is their normal life?

--All fic links go to our tagged reviews--

Angelhawke by almaasi [Explicit, 407k words]

A Dean/Cas Fantasy-Drama AU, set in a medieval world where two men are separated by a curse: every sunrise and sunset, both are eternally bound to transform into animals. Every night when darkness falls, Dean Winchester becomes a wolf, and his human mind is lost until the dawn. As the sun rises, his lover Castiel becomes a hawk. Their story has been the same for five years - until the day that a young thief named Sam stumbles into their twisted lives. Without even realising it, he becomes a part of their destiny, their paths entwined in prophecy and fate. Together with a few old friends, they set off on a journey to break the curse, but it won’t be easy. To pass the time, Dean and Castiel take turns to recount their past to Sam, narrating the tale of how they met, how they formed their profound bond, and how they found themselves wanting what no man should ever want: the touch of another man. ‘Angelhawke’ is a saga of forbidden love, friendship, and magic - but above all, family. Partially based on the 1985 movie ‘Ladyhawke’.

Cursed by Destielshipper4Cas [Explicit, 17k words]

Dean’s dick has been cursed and Castiel, best healer witch this side of the woods, is the only one who can help. Only lifting the curse turns out to be more difficult than expected.

Cursed or Not by Ltleflrt [Explicit, 110k words]

While experimenting with magic when he was a kid, Sam accidentally cursed Dean. Now, Dean is forced to wear a spelled amulet constantly, or he’ll turn into a random animal. For a little over a decade, he’s learned to live with the curse, and has even found it useful in some cases, but he sure would be happier without it. When he meets a witch named Castiel, he’s offered a deal. Instead of assuming all witches are bad, Dean can spend a season getting to know him. If at the end of the season, Dean still thinks he’s evil Castiel will send him away with his memory wiped of the whole experience. But if he learns that Castiel is not the monster Dean assumes he is, he’ll lift Dean’s curse. It’s an offer Dean can’t bring himself to pass up.

He’s Kind of a Hairy Fairy by almaasi [Explicit, 24k words]

Dean agreed to help Sam run this summer camp, but he didn’t know he’d have to share a cabin and a bed with his own best friend. No biggie, though. It’s platonic. Except Cas goes and confesses his love for the sake of honesty. Dean’s not ready to say it back. The only way anyone’s getting an “I love you too” out of him is if some meddling witch curses him with fairy wings, and in order to break the spell he has to give in to his heart’s true desires. And THAT’s not gonna happen at a perfectly normal forest camp in Idaho… right?

Just Your Heart, In Exchange For Mine by noxsoulmate [Mature, 46k words]

Dean owns a bakery and Castiel loves his pie. This could be such a cute little bakery love story – if it weren’t for the fact that one was a retired hunter and the other one a powerful witch. There’s also the matter of the black little cat Dean finds in front of his bakery one cold and rainy night. Not to forget the crazy witch on the loose, ripping out other witches’ hearts.

Moonflower by K_K_TiBal [Teen, 18k words]

Castiel is not a very good witch. He’s just not. He struggles with potions, illusions, divination - everything that makes a witch respectable, and his familiar - Dean - definitely deserves better than him. When Dean falls under a curse that seems to affect his shape-shifting abilities, Castiel and Dean begin to run out of money, and Castiel decides the best thing they can do is go after a rare Moonflower to help get themselves back on their feet. The journey could be dangerous, especially considering Castiel’s less-than-ideal abilities and Dean’s curse, but with a little luck, it will all be worth it in the end.

Okay, Let’s Go by Nejinee [Explicit, 25k words]

Sometimes a hunt goes awry and turns into something bordering on the insane. Sometimes, shit just gets weird. These are the excerpts, the hunts no one ever talks about, because Dean doesn’t like to reminisce about the time he was toddler-sized. And Sam’s just gonna bury the memory of the time he was female for a hot second. And Cas is such a dork sometimes, maybe Dean just wants to keep that nugget to himself? Not every hunt is perfect, but who the hell ever expects them to be?

Sparks by vipjuly [Explicit, 21k words]

The creepy house on the corner has been abandoned for years, everyone says. It’s ramshackle and decrepit, the yard overgrown, the wrought iron fence bent and broken in some places. The adults in the neighborhood have asked the city to do something about that eyesore for so long, but the city insists that someone is paying property taxes on the house, therefore they cannot do anything about it. So, everyone ignores it and pretends it doesn’t exist. They definitely don’t go anywhere near it, either. Dean, though. Dean is drawn to it as if by gravity. Little by little, Dean repairs what he can. The monster inside the house ain’t so bad, either. Y'know. For a monster.

The Lover’s Song by FriendofCarlotta [Explicit, 48k words]

Running an independent bookstore in one of the less glamorous California towns doesn’t make you rich, but Dean Winchester’s life is pretty much perfect anyway. He’s got amazing friends, a whip-smart brother and a husband he loves more than anything: novelist Castiel Novak. Then one night, driving home from work, Dean accidentally runs over a cat. The cat’s grieving owner curses Dean: his beloved will lose all memory of him, and Dean has only a year and a day to bring the memories back. Of course, there’s no such thing as a curse. Is there?

The Purple Shield by blackimpala [Explicit, 69k words]

In Spokane, Washington, Dean and Castiel finish a case with a powerful witch. Ready to go back home, they start driving back to the bunker, only to find that a big purple shield is blocking their way, not letting them leave. Forced to remain in that town, Dean and Castiel go to a cabin, where they will have to stay until the two of them find a way to break the spell with the help of Sam and Eileen, who are in the bunker, unable to reach them. In normal circumstances, Dean wouldn’t mind being stuck in such a lovely place with his best friend, but he is secretly in love with Cas and there is only one bed, so things aren’t going to be that easy for Dean.

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie? by Annie D [Teen, 16k words]

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting. Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

[orionsangel86]

SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of? 

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project