#there is no person on earth less likely to be a cop

[thewitchinthecherrytree]

COP!!! You make BLORBO a COP!! Writer make BLORBO a PIG!!! oh! OH!!! JAIL!!! JAIL for writer for 1000 years!!!!!

[lord-squiggletits]

Like I'm not one of those story "critics" who will nitpick the smallest inconsistency and call it a plot hole that ruins the whole story. I'm okay with inconsistencies and even the occasional plot hole if it ends up producing a story that's interesting, gripping, and brings up interesting things.

The problem is that suspension of disbelief only stretches so far. And secondly, stuff like character drama and themes are only as strong as the plot that supports them. If the plot is full of contrivances, plot holes, and really stupid things that make it feel like the author is just forcing something to happen to move the story along, then the themes and character drama become much less convincing.

[stomachbo0k]

so. tired.

[casscainmainly]

Why Duke Thomas Should Be A Dick Grayson Hater

Dick and Duke is such an underrated and underexplored relationship. Here is my pitch for why Duke should be a Dick Grayson hater.

1. The Rooftop Thing

Reason number one and the start of Duke's grudge should be the rooftop incident in Robin War. Dick, as part of his plan or whatever, leads Duke to a roof and abandons him to the cops.

LOOK AT DICK'S SMUG FACE. Tell me you wouldn't hold a grudge too if this was the FIRST major interaction you had with him?? Duke should use this against him at any possible opportunity.

2. ACAB

From We Are Robin #2. Once Duke finds out Dick used to be a cop, it's OVER for him.

3. Jason and Damian

Duke is quite close with Jason and Damian (in my head, particularly Damian - that's his LITTLE BROTHER). Anyway, these two are obsessed with Dick. You have Jason, with his miles-long brother issues that puts Dick on a pedestal, and you have Damian, who thinks Dick is the best person on Earth who can do no wrong. They would talk Duke's ears off about him. Duke would HATE IT.

4. Robin

This panel from Night of the Monster Men sums up quite nicely the difference in the way Dick and Duke approach vigilantism. Duke is the 'idealised' Robin, whose Robin-ing isn't contingent on Batman; Dick is more or less too tied up in Bruce. I think, because the Robin identity means a lot to Duke, having the original Robin be like this would irk Duke a LOT.

5. Tom Taylor

SPOILERS FOR CURRENT NIGHTWING RUN: in Nightwing #116, Dick gets framed for murder and Babs tells him to reveal he's Nightwing to clear him of suspicion. She says Bruce suggested it, and recounts everyone who agreed:

Hm. Is someone missing here? Oh yeah: DUKE. TT probably just forgot Duke, but where's the fun in that? Instead, if Duke is a Dick Grayson hater, you have the funniest scene imaginable. Everyone gathered in the Batcave, laying down their identities for Dick, and Duke is like 'I don't give a damn. He can rot in jail.' and peaces out.

BONUS points if he does this to get back at Dick for reason number 1.

6. Parallels

Duke's origin deliberately mirrors Bruce's, but that means it mirrors Dick's as well. Duke and Dick parallels go insane: they both had loving families, lost both parents at once, were in the foster system (varyingly for Dick but for the purposes of this post I'm gonna include it), were wards/not adopted by Bruce initially, have a huge reverence for family, have a thing about heights, view Robin as separate from Batman, forged their own identities, etc.

Tell me this page doesn't slap:

Anyway Duke would HATE this too. He'd be so annoyed that the person he has the most in common with is Dick, and that would fuel his Dick Grayson haterism.

Dick, on the other hand, has no hard feelings towards Duke. Duke would be glowering at him from the corner of the room and Dick would meet his gaze and be like 'ah Duke is so cute' and smile back. This would make Duke 10000x angrier.

Anyway that's my ideal Dick and Duke dynamic, feel free to add or modify or disagree with anything!!

[fortunate-cookie]

Advisors on both sides

Danny Phantom, new (begrudging) king of the Infinite Realms, has many advisors -- some friendly, and some... less so. But he's professional enough to realize that he can't only listen to friends; he needs experts, even if they suck.

So he meets with all of the council equally -- everyone from Lady Dorothea, who has always been a perfect host, to Alpha Adawulf, whose eating habits nauseate Danny regularly. From Chief Frostbite, the pacifist scholar, to Warden Walker, the fascist cop who still wants to arrest Danny for existing.

Actually, a lot of his "advisors" would rather fight him than help him, but by this point most of them have figured out that he'll win, so they don't bother trying anymore. As for the ones who do still attack him... well, they've been dead for longer than Danny's been alive, so he still has to bother with them, unfortunately.

He may not have chosen to become the High King of the Infinite Realms, but damn if he won't at least do the bare minimum by acknowledging someone else's expertise.

Speaking of experts, he needs help with the GIW, and all of his current advisors suggest a somewhat... slash and burn approach to the situation. Understandable, considering they don't have to live on Earth, but Danny is a Halfa and quite likes not being a wanted terrorist, so they're in different positions, he supposes.

It's as he's complaining to Clockwork that this gets pointed out to him: he is in a different position from all his subjects. He's not a ghost, he's a Halfa. Should a Halfa king not have both dead and living advisors?

Not to mention that Clockwork is conveniently aware of a still-living human who has quite a lot of experience in toppling violent military organizations without causing anarchy for the host country. More importantly, he knows how to do it without getting caught.

Danny is on the fence about this whole "taking advice from a terrorist" idea until Clockwork mentions that this person is actually a hero, and a rather well-regarded one as well. Surely, Danny can at least give him the benefit of the doubt, in regards to his morality?

Just meet with him, Danny, and surely you can ascertain his motives for yourself. Just get to know him, at least.

So Danny Fenton heads to Gotham, to ask Red Robin if he'd be willing to have an interview with the Ghost King about what exactly happened in Nanda Parbat.

[revelboo]

Your content is literally so good-- I'm seeing a lot of earthspark sprinkled in and so I throw my hat into the ring for some earthspark soundwave if you've got any ideas. He's so...aggressive and those curves can not go to waste. Peak slaying content

He is quite lovely…

Son Of A Gun

TF Earthspark Soundwave x Reader

• When you find the thing in the woods at the edge of your property, it’s damaged and you think it’s a kid’s toy. A toy that probably costs more than you make in a month considering it’s your size with cannily made joints and clever wings. A giant drone shaped like a bird. Smiling, you head back to the barn to find the wheelbarrow and steer it back down the hill into the woods, leaves and sticks noisy under your boots as you end up tipping the wheelbarrow on its side and awkwardly shoving the thing in. Righting the wheelbarrow after is even more of a struggle before you finally get it back up and you’re exhausted by the time you get back to the barn with your find. Something this expensive has to have GPS, so you’re sure its owner will come looking for it. Until then, you want to mess with it.

• Growling to himself as he picks his way through the woods, branches scratching at his plating, Soundwave tries to get a lock on Lazerbeak’s location. Ever since arriving on Earth, he and Frenzy have been more independent, relying on him less and less. No longer needing him and it leaves him feeling aggravated and unsettled. Because he knows that it’s not really that they don’t need him, this distance is because of the accident. Silently punishing him for his failure. But Lazerbeak had pinged him after getting in a fight with two of the terrans. Hurt badly enough to request help and there was no denying him. Because it’s a chance to mend the break between them. To fix things.

• Wrestling to get the drone out of the wheelbarrow, its head lifts, optics glowing. “Frag, you’re going to rip a wing off,” it groans and you backpedal, banging into a toolbox in your retreat. Head tipping to stare at you as you suck in a breath, it shifts. That’s not a drone- it’s one of them. A Cybertronian. An Autobot, though or a Decepticon? “Do you come in peace?” You ask and it’s head swings to stare at you. Maybe trying not to laugh, because that’s not at all what you meant to say, but you’d never been great under pressure.

• “Sure. Whatever,” it mutters, stretching out a wing and groaning. Making you fidget nervously, wanting to help but unsure how to. You can at least make it comfortable you decide, running for the house and grabbing a blanket and a pillow. The look the thing gives you is equal parts disbelief and amusement as you offer it the pillow and it lifts up enough to lay on it with a “Why the frag not,” and lets you drape the blanket around it. “Most of you lot run when you see a Cybertronian. It’s Lazerbeak, by the way.”

• Lazerbeak isn’t where he’s supposed to be. Head turning, he spots the human dwelling on the outskirts of the woods and the open barn. Striding out of the woods, his servos flex. Because if one of those squishy little savages has hurt him, he’s going to enjoy ripping them limb from limb.

• You probably should be booking it as far as possible and calling the cops, you’ve just never seen a real Cybertronian before outside the news. And that’s usually the giant ones duking it out. This one’s not as intimidating and honestly, it’s kind of awesome to be up close and personal with an alien. “You’re not that scary,” you admit, hearing it vent at you in exasperation as you tuck the blanket around it.

• “Heads up, the guy behind you definitely doesn’t come in peace.” He hears Lazerbeak say as he leans down with a snarl. Sees the human standing over his injured cassette and lunges through the too small door, wood splintering. Screaming like he already has his servos around your little neck, you run to the other side of the building, tripping over a pile of extension cords in your terror. Turning to study Lazerbeak sitting in the wheeled contraption in a nest of soft things, he turns his attention back on the human. What were you planning to do to him? Dissect him? Enslave him? “Maybe don’t stomp this one, boss? I’ve always wanted a pet,” Lazerbeak says, wings flapping for balance as he tries to see the human cowering in a corner.

Next

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

My Friend, the Zombie

Summary: Leon is a zombie and reader finds him slumped in a dark alleyway. But unbeknownst to reader… he’s a needy zombie?

Warning: smut. mentions of blood and periods. cunnilingis.

A/N: sorry I haven’t posted any ff but I’ve been fighting my university nonstop😒 anyways, I didn’t know whether to turn this into a smut or a fluff but I ended up going with smut because I’m horny.

Leon S. Kennedy. A well known agent in the DSO, former rookie cop turned into a government weapon. He’s built this reputation around him that made him become respectable around his colleagues. No one would’ve guess that the Leon Kennedy would soon come to an end.

-

Months passed after the outbreak happening in the city. You were out with your friends hanging out at some Target parking lot when all of a sudden, a group of undead rose from the nearby forest just on the other side of the road.

Sometimes you wondered how you ended up in this mess. Now you were roaming the streets with your backpack full of looted items and your combat knife that you stole from the body of a military soldier you stumbled upon. Why was this happening to you? You wondered and wondered but you never came to an answer.

The town was dead. A literal ghost town—well—zombie town to be exact. Somehow, you’ve managed to survive this long. Of course life wasn’t simple. You ate less to conserve as much food as possible for the next day. You haven’t taken a shower since the power had gone out. But that was the least of your concerns. It wasn’t like you were going to bump into someone at this point in life.

You almost believed you were the only human left on earth.

Dumpster diving became a hobby for you. The amount of things people used to throw away were too precious to leave in the dumpsters.

“Jackpot,” you muttered under your breath when you stumbled upon a dark alleyway with three dumpsters. It wasn’t New York but you almost convinced yourself it was.

Your footsteps were quiet against the wet concrete under your boots. It had been raining nonstop the past following days, storms were rampant and almost everything was destroyed.

As you rummaged through the dumpster, there was groaning from the corner of the alley. Your movements still as you looked up from the trash and towards the direction where the sound came from.

You weren’t a rookie when it came to killing zombies. Surviving meant killing so it was natural that you unsheathed your combat knife and held it at the ready firmly in your hand as you took cautious steps.

It was dark, maybe a little too dark for your liking but it wasn’t like anything you haven’t experienced before.

“Hungry…” you heard someone say. It was the voice of a man, deep and guttural. At first, you thought it might’ve been a human so you quickly put your knife away and ran towards the person.

But as you got closer, you saw you were completely wrong. There against the wall sat a man who had been bitten and infected. Your heart hammered inside your chest as you looked down at him slumped figure.

His skin was pale and his veins were dark blue and black. His eyes were bloodshot red but you can still see the blue in them. His blonde hair was disbelieved, it seemed as if he had been fighting. His clothes were bloodied and there was blood around the walls and floor.

Questions and concerns circled around your mind as you looked around him. He looked weak but he also looked like he was ready to pounce on you at any minute.

“Hungry…” he said again, this time his voice becoming raspier and hoarser than before. It amazed you how this infected man still had the ability to communicate with words. Most zombies you’ve encountered were mindless monsters ready to eat humans as if it was their last dinner.

“You can talk?” You asked the man, looking down at him with an analytical eye. The man looked up at you and a groaned scoff escaped from his bloodied lips.

He cocked his head to the side, his direction being pointed towards the body of a zombie whose legs had been cut off. It didn’t worry you though. That zombie couldn’t even move, it just snarled at you both.

“Here,” you fished into your pockets and retrieved a granola bar. Great, dinner for you was gone now. The man eyed you for a minute longer before he slowly brought his hand out and took the bar from you.

He unwrapped it and almost immediately munched on the snack. He hummed and closed his eyes as he felt some food finally enter his system, he finished the bar rather quickly. But it wasn’t enough to satisfy his hunger.

You, as unimpressed as you were, couldn’t help but notice his attire. He looked like some kind of character that was like an agent or something. His black shirt had rips and it was stained with blood. His cargo pants contained holsters for what you assumed were guns and knives but he didn’t have them.

“What happened to you?” You asked as you sat in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at you, almost perplexed at why you even sat in front of him while he was still very clearly infected.

He didn’t answer to your question, he was still wary of you but there was a certain gaze in his eyes.

Hunger.

His eyes remained on your neck but then he stood up and took slow and staggering steps towards you.

“You smell…” he started. So he can talk. He just chooses not to. He narrowed his eyes at you as he tried to put your scent into words.

And then, without warning, he quickly pulled your wrists and pressed your body against his. He stuffed his face on your neck and took a heavy sniff on your skin, he groaned as the scent infiltrated his nose.

“Smells good,” he whispered. He dragged his tongue around the pulse point of your neck. You tried to fight him but something told you that he wasn’t all that dangerous. He seemed human. A little too human.

He pulled back and gave your body a once over, something else caught his nose. His nose flared as his eyes narrowed at you.

“Blood,” he whispered as he eyes you suspiciously, “you’re bleeding…” I croaked out in a raspy voice. You looked at him confused.

Bleeding? You clearly weren’t injured so what—oh.

He could smell that you were bleeding from your period. You mentally cursed yourself, is that why that hoard of zombies were following you earlier today? No wonder.

He took a step towards you, almost as if wanted to smell you again. But this time, you didn’t fight it. You were almost amused as to see what he was going to do.

At first, you thought he was going to lunge at you and bite you. But it took you by surprise when all of a sudden, he leaned down and grabbed your ankles. He then pulled on them, causing you to fall on your back. You looked at him perplexed, was this a new of attacking someone?

“I want to taste,” he voiced in a hoarse tone. His voice was deeper and almost needy. He wanted—no, he needed to taste you.

He was a starved man and you were the perfect oasis he could feast on. He got on his knees and settled between your legs but he didn’t do anything yet.

He may be infected but he was still a gentleman.

“Please,” he begged as he looked at you with pleading eyes. His mouth was watering, he could practically taste the metallic blood on his tongue and it was driving his primal instincts crazy.

“Please let me taste you,” he whispered again as his hands traveled along your thighs. You were almost tempted to say no and kill him on the spot. But he was handsome and he seemed smart. Maybe you’d keep him for your journeys.

With a slight nod of your head, he didn’t waste time on taking off your pants and panties in one swift motion.

His tongue darted out and he licked his lips upon seeing the sight of your bloody cunt in front of him. It was like a buffet for him. He slowly eased himself further on the floor as his face neared your entrance. The strong coppery smell of your blood made him act like a whole different man.

He went from needy and pleading to one that wasted no time in ravaging you. He traced his tongue along the slit of your entrance, tasting your blood that had caused his body to shiver. He groaned a guttural groan and waiting no time in darting his tongue inside your cunt to lap at the blood, making sure to suck and clean you off.

You were shocked but when you felt his tongue, the sensation made you throw your head back and grip his hair tightly in your hand. You pulled his head closer as he continued his ministrations with his tongue. He flicked and licked everywhere he could.

His hands gripped at your hips as your moans filled the air and it was enough for him to just keep going. For a moment, all he could think about was quenching his devilish hunger. To finally be able to feast on such sweet and addictive blood was like a miracle.

He knew you were getting aroused and although this was something new for you, you couldn’t help but feel attracted to it. To this.

You’ve only ever heard of men eating women out on their period but to actually experience it made you feel blessed. Maybe not all men were bad. But was he even considered a human? You didn’t know and you didn’t care. His mouth on your cunt felt good.

Slick and blood dripped down his face and for a moment you wondered if he could breathe. He hasn’t pulled back at all to catch his breath, he was a possessed man. Starved and munching on you.

The coil in your stomach started to stretch as he kept eating you as if you were a five star restaurant. He didn’t stop, he only went faster. His lips were firmly pressed against your cunt as his tongue swirled inside you, licking and tasting each ounce of blood that came from within you.

“I’m gonna—“ you said as you gripped his hair tightly. He only grunted in response and dragged his tongue along your slit until he found your clit, he flicked it with his tongue before he sucked on it. But the smell of blood was intoxicating and he couldn’t help but dive back into your bloody pussy.

He felt your walls pulsate and around him as you grinded your hips along his face. He didn’t fight against you, in fact, he encouraged you.

Your body arched as you came around his face and he licked off any remnant of blood and cum that came out of you.

He looked up at you as he watched your chest heave up and down from coming down from your high. His lips pressed one final kiss on your cunt before he pulled back and wiped the juices off his face with the back of his hand—before he licked the back of his hand.

“You taste even better than I imagined,” he whispered and stood up. He took your clothes from the floor and held them to you.

He watched as you got dressed but he didn’t attack. For a zombie, he seemed rather nice and friendly. For now at least.

“Let’s make a deal,” you said after you caught your breath, “You help me and in return I’ll let you do this again.”

His eyes narrowed in suspicious. It seemed like a good deal. Almost too good, “How do I know you won’t lie?”

“You’ll just have to trust me,” you said as you smirked at him and patted his cheek, “Come now. We’ve got places to explore and loot.”

As you began to walk ahead, he couldn’t help but scoff at your assertive nature. He thought you were crazy for wanting him to join you but he also couldn’t pass the chance of eating out your blood again. So, he followed behind you.

“By the way,” you started as he walked next to you, “You didn’t answer my question. What happened to you and how can you talk?”

He looked at you with a raised brow and a smirk, “I got the vaccine years ago but I still got ambushed.”

“Okay… but how do I also know you won’t do that to me?” You asked with skepticism.

He maintained that smug smirk on his and he stopped walking as he stared down at you, “You’ll just have to trust me.”

He began to walk ahead as you remained shocked, he just gave you your own words. A dry scoff escaped your lips and you quickly ran behind him.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[boopshoops]

TWST OC INTRODUCTION - TCOAV

Salem Lee - The Profane and the Sacred

Name: Salem Lee

Nicknames: Maybell, Ichthys

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bi-Sapiosexual

Birthday: June 29 (Cancer)

Age: 19 in canon TWST age, 21 in TCOAV AU

Height: 5'3 or 159cm

Voice Claim(s): Carolina Ravassa

Twisted from: ;)

Unique Magic: "The Witches' Sabbath" The witches' sabbath was once described as a nocturnal gathering to perform rituals for demons, now it is used by Salem to call upon others for aid. Using her familiar, Eugene, some of the surrounding nature can be pulled towards his body, morphing into what is essentially a black hole. Once absorbing enough material, Eugene can transform into a pitch black beacon. This solely alerts other magic users in a twenty-five mile radius to her location, and those who are around the beacon during its activation receive is a significant boost in power, along with less blot accumulation. However, the spell cannot be activated while she and Eugene are separated.

Grade: N/A

Job: Waitress (with hairdressing and baking commissions as a side)

Hobbies: Writing, baking, cooking, tarot reading, good old-fashioned reading, magic study.

Likes: Chocolate Pave, anything chocolate really, spring, summer, herbology, mycology, witchcore, goth music/style, lunar science.

Dislikes: Improper self care, being dismissed or ignored, nutella, mainstream sns, the dark, a messy environment, too much free time.

Fears: Losing loved ones due to negligence, being ghosted, not being taken seriously by those she loves, heights.

Summary: Moon fae, known for maturing similarly to humans and forgoing excellence in magic to trade for even longer life spans, are rare. Even rarer, however, are those like Salem, who work tirelessly to reclaim their magic in a magicless land. The results of her efforts? A sputtering, gooey, feline familiar with a tendency to absorb anything and everything.

Despite her typically serious and down to earth personality, this has landed her in trouble a good handful of times. She's no stranger to chaos, or the cops for that matter, but despite all of this, she is a gentle old soul with an endless capacity for care. She believes magic is the perfect means to keep her friends and family out of trouble. "No magic" seems like a stupid law in comparison when it could keep them all happy, healthy, and safe.

This belief does come with more downsides than simply breaking the law, though, as her abilities are quite... limited. While Salem has an unending passion for the craft, she also tends to overestimate herself. With her main focus being on fortune-telling and clairvoyance, she will often find herself extremely paranoid by the little things, given the (more than likely) chance her predictions are incorrect. Even with how much this may drive herself and her close ones crazy, she is, in the end, just trying her best.

Character Playlist - Outfit Inspiration - Moon Fae Info Post (TBD)

Author's Note: Salem has been around for awhile- though I never quite use her as often as I should. It felt like everytime I tried to insert her into some new AU, something would come up :P Anywho, She is a rather neutral character. She doesn't care a bunch about morality as long as it follows her own code- which, hey, I guess explains how she could end up with and be exes with Yuu Shi. Aftermath of doomed yuri? ya. Unfortunately she has not been transported outside of Dusk Summit like my other characters, so it will be awhile until there is more content with her. bUT i still wanna do more with her rather than just have her be "Yuu's ex."

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

All Funk, No Punk - Still Hobart Brown

Gold chains instead of silver spikes. Gator shoes in place of thrifted boots. And an afro bigger than Hobie's -

Spider-Funk is Hobart Brown - Earth 831

Hobie Brown maybe Artie's chiller, rougher, and louder self - but somehow, they get on like a cop car on fire (or whatever the saying is).

And Artie Brown maybe Hobie's cockier, flirtier, and flashier self - but they just tell people they're twins.

Or at the very least - they call each other 'brotha' and 'bruv' all the time.

When people ask about the accent thing - you know, Artie being American, they say 'Ever seen The Parent Trap?'

[A LONG ASS post - Below is Artie's Origins, Fighting Style, Relationship to Hobie, and how he got recruited - All About the Brown Bros! Artie & Hobie, FunkPunk!]

It's Hobie 2 - Electric Bugaloo!

And just when Miguel thought he could only stomach one of them.

Though he calls himself the older brother, being born over a decade earlier, Artie is Hobie's less mature, more materialistic, but just as kind variant.

He's a pacifist instead of an anarchist - Full of Soul instead of bursting with Rock.

And he still hates cops.

Origins:

When Artie was drafted for the Vietnam War in 1969 - the first thing he did was burn his draft card. Then he joined the Black Liberation Army.

He wasn't the only one - Artie was part of the almost half a million draftees to do so.

And then President Osborn was elected.

To fill the gap in enlistment, Osborn came up with a solution.

V.E.N.O.M - A highly toxic, unfeelingly aggressive, and wildly bloodthirsty symbiote. A solution to the protests and draft dodgers.

Engineered by Oscorp - if you didn't induct yourself as a soldier, the V.E.N.O.M would make you one. And suddenly his friends were disappearing one by one.

A subtle but sudden-onset disease, the V.E.N.O.M variant was nearly undetectable, very persuasive, and incredibly effective.

More primal than animalistic, the symbiote's function didn't raise one's bloodlust, - instead it lowered, and at worse cancelled, your empathy. The symbiote subtly normalized dehumanization - attacking neurons in the cerebral cortex to destroy one's capability of empathy, compassion, and at times - recognizing faces. Able to follow commands without a second thought - the perfect soldier. Convincing the host of necessary order and their own biological superiority, over the course of 72 hours the host would lose their ability to recognize the people around them as anything other than sub-human. In 138, V.E.N.O.M turns you into an animal. In 831, V.E.N.O.M turns everyone around you into an animal.

It could make anyone into an unfeeling, unrelenting soldier - no guns needed.

The best of them got sent overseas to the War - and the rest, he turned on the people, hunting down all those who dared to dodge their call.

While on tour in DC, Artie was bitten by a radioactive spider, as he attempted to burn draft papers at a government facility.

He burned the papers. Plus he got some sick powers out of it. Plus Plus he gets to beat up The National Guard on a weekly basis. Ain't that a score.

And Hobie may hate the name Spider-Punk (or so he says), but Artie loves being Spider-Funk.

He calls them Funk & Punk. Hobie calls them that too, but like in a cool ironic way.

Artie & Hobie:

Personality:

Hobie knows that Artie is going through his 'Pavitr Phase', so he cuts him some slack. Artie's only been Funk for a year and some change.

He's got more Ws than Ls, so he's always one to be a bit cocky and reckless - though never at anyone's expense.

He's more talkative than Hobie - and WAY more flirty than Hobie, ready to wink at anyone willing to stare.

Like Hobie, Artie has his own groupies. And the pair on campus do get stares (and whispers. and giggles); Two 6'5 dudes with enough hair to cause an eclipse, walking around in loud ass boots, they're sure to draw attention.

Something Artie loves.

Artie considers himself a Ladies' Man. And a Man's Man. And what gender you have to offer really. (He's still a 'Hobie' - he doesn't discriminate)

He's got a waterbed in his boathouse, shag carpets, and wine at the ready. He loves sweet-talking people, and showering them in compliments. Whereas Hobie's love language is Physical Touch, Artie's is Words of Affirmation.

But all Hobie has to do is open his mouth and Be British and suddenly Artie's date is swooning and he's like 'Brotha, I'mma need you to shut the hell up for a second right quick.'

If you hang out with them, get ready for Hobie hanging off your shoulder, while Artie is in your ear complimenting your outfit.

Fighting:

Artie's fighting style is a lot more fluid than Hobie's with a lot of martial arts involved - similar to blaxploitation movies of the era.

Hobie thinks he looks bloody ridiculous meanwhile Artie is like 'if dem damn jeans weren't so tight maybe you could get like me and have some flair in your fight, my man.'

He also has an INCREDIBLY MEAN backhand.

Ideology:

The two of them are fairly close, hanging out with each other a lot. Though the two of them are fairly different. Artie is far more pacifist than Hobie, but that doesn't mean he's above violence.

He's just not one to talk about it, or threaten it. He's more of the 'let people talk - don't start none, won't be none'. Camp - and he'll almost never throw the first punch. Though he absolutely considers intimidation, selling hard drugs, and fucking with the general population 'starting some'.

Their ideology may clash heads everyone once in a while, but they hardly ever fight. At all. Instead, they have frequently heated, in-depth debates.

Artie may not be as radical or educated on things as Hobie, plus Hobie has ten years of extra history to pull from, but the two of them do it often, and it keeps them spry.

The only problem is, they get so into it, it SO HARD to understand what they're saying. Accents, slang, cutting each other off, roping other people into the conversation to back them up. It's WILD.

Artie is a lot more materialistic than Hobie. Not as critical of capitalism, Artie likes to game it rather than complain about it.

Unlike Hobie, Artie LOVES the finer things in life, and spoiling those around him. He likes gold over silver, and wears more rings than spikes.

He's a bit full of himself, and he carries a rag in his pocket to whip blood off his nice white boots. Something Hobie wouldn't be caught DEAD doing.

And Hobie clowns him for it everytime. Artie doesn't care. 'True playas never play sloppy.'

But how can he afford all of this? Well,

He's not as uhh,..honest as Hobie. But he has a heart of gold (get it?). And he never lies just to lie - if he's doing it, it's probably for work, or to Miguel, because he does not respect Miguel.

Artie be stealing. He's a master at sleight of hand. If it's a big corporation, it's free game. He never steals money - but to put it concisely: He's a smooth mfer.

He likes gold - he thinks it looks nice. But he knows for a fact that the worth of it is completely manufactured my human and capitalism, and that it's literally just a pretty metal.

He knows that paying hundreds for a chain or gold is exploitative, especially when it's stolen to begin with. So to him, it's justifiable, gimmie.

He also does it mostly for fun, a magic trick - in the same way Hobie makes stuff 'disappear' while talking to Miles, and doing hand tricks.

Artie does that, but more often, and more skillfully.

He doesn't do it all the time, but the first time he did it in front of Hobie - snatching Hobie's homemade watch of his wrist - Hobie was genuinely surprised.

Mostly he does it to make things disappear from your hand, parts he finds lying around, and playing pranks on people like Miguel. Generally, just being a lil shit.

He's a sweet-talker and a big steppa.

Unlike Hobie, Artie knows better than you force his way in. Artie slides in. He can talk them in to anywhere.

He'll pretend to be someone else, pretend to know someone else, steal passes and key cards to get in, and try to attack from the shadows when he can.

In battle, Spider-Punk is the louder, chattier, more immature one. And Spider-Funk is the chiller, sarcastic one.

Like twins, the two of them have their own in-jokes, and they hang at each other's places all the goddamn time. Though they live in different universes and decades, Artie & Hobie are kinda a package deal.

They may not always be together - they both got their own shit to do and they're not actually brothers - but if you hang with one, it's only a matter of time before you meet the other.

"Why is your brother American?" "Divorce." - "Adoption." ........ "Adoption." - "Divorce." "One of you or the both of you are lying."

Diane & Artie & Annie -

[This section is about my main OC Disco-Spider Diane, and her variant Annie P. Disco-Spider is Hobie's....something and they are happily....a something]

Every Hobart needs his Diane, and Artie is no different.

Artie & Diane:

And like usual, it all starts at the beginning.

Diane was the one to recruit Artie - because of course she was. And Lyla had told her two things: He was a guitarist, and his name was Artie. That's all she needed to know.

Lyla wanted it to be a surprise.

She snuck back stage to his show, brushed off the nearly palpable feeling of deja vu in the air, broke into his dressing room, and then tried to flirt him into joining the Society. Easy peasy.

Diane is a very oblivious woman. They spoke for nearly 10 minutes - and Artie decided to hear her out. He sat down on the couch in his dressing room, pulled back his hair and-

Diane goes -

"Hobie??? Is that you?! Oh my goodddd, you look so cute! Your hair!! Hobarrrrt - Why you ain't say nothing, had me standing here doing all this."

Speech completely forgotten. Mind you, she still hasn't explained anything. Diane is destined to freak out every Hobart she meets.

Artie is starting to think he should stop flirting with weird ass groupies that break into his dressing room.

Diane takes out her watch, the watch he doesn't know she has. She pulls up Lyla, the AI he doesn't know she has. And Diane asks her -

"Lyla! Does Artie stand for-" "It does!" "Oh my god!!! That makes this SO much easier! You're soo sweet, awww!!" "You know I saw the mission and thought of you-" "Am I on drugs right now?"

Needless to say - Diane's recruitment was successful.

Diane and Artie actually get on well, really well. Like weirdly well.

Artie and Diane are both extroverted, flirty, and a bit full of themselves. They're expressive, and more into their hair than they're willing to admit. They're perfect for each other - and people notice.

And Diane finds it a TAD BIT WEIRD

I mean, the differences between her and Hobie is what Diane loves about them - they're like sugar and spice, PB and J.

Sometimes Artie and Diane may accidentally finish each other's sentences - and Diane will be like 'Hey don't do that :)'. Other times, Artie will playfully be like 'Why are you standing so close to me, mama?' Just to piss her off.

Of course, Diane thinks he's 'cute'. But not Hobie Cute. And unfortunately, he 'speaks American'.

Besides, Hobie is the only Hobart for her.

Artie is definitely into Diane, but more in the 'she's a catch I would go for' kinda way. He did hit on her a couple times early on in their situation - but once she made it clear that she was 'seeing Hobie', he took the hint.

There's no jealously there - Hobarts are incapable of it. In fact, he's kinda proud the only other guy who could pull the hot girl is ..another him.

Now, Artie is a lot more like a big brother, kinda like the ones Diane grew up with in the Panther's house.

He's protective of her, in a 'Be mean to her and I'll deliver an ass whoppin on a plate' way. He thinks she's cute in the way a platonic sense, and finds her groupie mode to be as amusing as it is adorable.

It's ironic though that his ACTUAL girlfriend is - well, Diane's Opposite.

Artie & Annie:

[This section is shorter, and will be longer in Annie's post]

Diane Pastors is Annie P. is Mod-Spider.

Artie's girlfriend, Annie is the farthest thing from Diane while somehow still being just as big of a diva.

An avid feminism campaigner and modern woman, she would never be caught DEAD hanging off of Artie like that. And she can't stomach Diane all that much.

Hobie, Annie HATES. And not in a coy way. She thinks he's obnoxious - she calls him a poseur. She thinks he's a scrub.

Her & Artie are in a committed relationship - officially boyfriend and girlfriend. And instead of Annie, Artie is the one who wears her name on a chain.

Just like Diane and Hobie, Annie and Artie have a musical duo - called ModFunk.

We're almost done I PROMISE.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Random Details:

Artie's design is an inverted version of Hobie's, but it's also inspired heavily by Jimi Hendrix, mainly this photo on the left.

Right is an example of Artie's Style. His universe has a paint-marker aesthetic, a lot more colorful and soft than Hobie's, with dripping paint and splatters, but it tones down a lot - like Gwen's.

Artie plays Soul, Jazz, and Funk.

He has a band with his version of Daredevil, Felicia Hardy, and Captain Anarchy.

Artie has killed cops - and soldiers before. But he doesn't see it as a big deal. He hates cops, but he doesn't focus on it. He doesn't discriminate. Ass Whoopin's for everybody.

He DOES pull his hair back, his face isn't covered all the time. Maybe 80% of the time.

He can get around with Spidey Sense, so he doesn't care much - he loves his fro and is always picking it out.

He Pavitr are like best friends. Pavi and The Brown Twins get LOUD AS HELL when all together.

Gwen thinks he's an absolute goofball - So Artie tries his best to make her laugh. She seems like she needs it.

When not on stage and in battle, he prefers to play an acoustic guitar, which Hobie doesn't like playing. His acoustic is also blue.

Him and Hobie can play on each other's guitars, but it sounds very trippy, and VERY VERY weird, abnormally so.

If their heads are covered, or hair done like each other's, they can seamlessly pass as each other.

Hobie SUCKS at an American accent - but somehow, he can mimic Artie's perfectly.

It's the same for Artie - sucks at British, but can speak like Hobie.

He loves chocolate candy bars, Hobie likes fruity candy.

They do write songs together and go to each others shows, though they don't ever really perform together.

They wrestle A LOT

Artie is a genius as well, and they work on mechanics together, Artie is great at math specifically.

He and Hobie do each others hair care and help oil each other's scalps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So uh.....that's Artie :) The guy

If you made it this far THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENTERTAINING ME - Artie platonically gives you a red rose.

ALSO TELL ME Why I tried to draw him like Jimi Hendrix But he looking like the Jackson 5 IM SO SORRY YALL

Here's OG Hobie as a thank you! Just imagine two Hobarts standing on either side of you both tall and with big hair and touchy and talkative as fuck Diane is living the DREAM let your OCs be happy

Bye.

[the-badger-mole]

What is your NUMBER ONE headcannon for each person in the Gaang (Katara, Zuko, Aang, Toph, Sokka, Suki [and Appa and Momo if you feel so inclined])

Katara: After the war, she goes back to the NWT to train with Yugoda and becomes a master healer as well as a master of the NWT fighting style. From there, she goes back to the Foggy Swamp Tribe and masters their bending style, too. With the help of Sokka, Zuko, and (in some headcanons) Hama, she also rediscovers SWT waterbending and not only masters it, but teaches it to the new benders in the SWT. By the time she leaves the SWT, there has been a school established where all bending styles are available for study. She's one of the few who actually has mastered them all, though.

Sokka: He is eager to return home after the war. He throws himself into infrastructure and policy revamps, and he almost singlehandedly staves off the soft colonization attempts of the NWT. Under his efforts, the SWT rebuilds and reestablishes parts of its culture that had been lost during the war. With the discovery of oil on SWT land, he is also instrumental in establishing eco minded extraction techniques, and in trade ties with the rest of the world (although he is very much helped by his sister's deep ties with the Fire Lord). It's a surprise to no one when he's chosen to lead the SWT after Hakoda retires.

Toph: She does not become a cop. Instead, she goes back home and takes over the Earth Rumble, taking it from an underground even to a world wide phenomenon. She eventually allows benders of other elements to join, and the Earth Rumble becomes pro bending. She does also establish a metal bending school. In the end, she is wealthier than her parents, but because she couldn't really care less about money, she keeps enough to live at the standard she wants, and gives the rest away to causes that interest her...like the guy who wanted to set the record for the biggest bao bun ever, and needed funding for an oven big enough to cook it. She also establishes a halfway house for runaway teens.

Zuko: During his tenure as Fire Lord, he establishes a robust social services program that includes subsidized healthcare, education, and housing for the lowest income families. Under his reign, the Fire Nation becomes home to some of the earliest pioneers of mental health. At his wife's advice, he also makes paid maternity leave standard across the nation, and includes several programs to help single parents stay afloat. Taking inspiration from the SWT, Zuko makes some changes to how his advisory staff is selected. Instead of choosing from among the nobility, Zuko has the different provinces elect a representative to speak on their behalf. A lot of the nobles hate this, blaming his wife's influence, but the people adore their monarchs and despite their best efforts, there's little the nobles can do except start campaigning in their home provinces. It's not a perfect system, but it does open the door for the Fire Nation to end the monarchy within a couple of generations.

Suki: She continues to lead the Kyoshi Warriors for a few years after the war. She also helps train troops around the world as they pivot from active war service to more local work. She helps establish something like the coast guards for several different countries. Eventually she retires from that to help her husband run the SWT. She and Sokka make a wonderful team as he handles the domestic policies and she handles foreign affairs. She often jokes with her sister in law, Fire Lady Katara that they ended up with the same job.

Aang: I'll go with my most optimistic headcanon for him. He's an okay Avatar. Not great. Not the worst. After the war, he tries to take part in rebuilding efforts around the world, but he finds his help isn't needed much. He turns his attention back to salvaging what's left of the Air Nomad legacy, and discovers that there are actually airbenders still around. A few of them are even interested in learning to live like the Air Nomads. Many of them aren't, though, and after learning how to actually use their powers, they go off and do their own thing. To Aang's shock and dismay, eating meat has no effect on the strength of their bending, He does learn to deal with it and enjoy his time with the air benders who embrace the Air Nomad culture. He does go on to have kids, and he still favors the benders over the nonbenders. Ultimately, his legacy as Avatar boils down to taking Ozai's bending, and that's it.

[fourteendaysinaweek]

Peter Parker Meets The Batfam

As seen on wattpad here and inspired by this post

A little one-shot that might have a p2 coming (ignore any inaccuracies with the batfam I had too many people I wanted to add and may have gotten confused. Oops)

Peter

I land hard on a rooftop, staring up at the gray sky in front of me. A shiver runs down my spine as I sit up, looking around. I don't recognize the skyline, the buildings are wrong, the sky is too gray for New York, not with the August sunshine we had less than two minutes ago.

"Strange?" I call out, careful not to be too loud. I know he was trying to get that cube— where did he send me? "Karen, where am I?" I'm met with silence as my heart speeds up. "Karen?" I do everything to bring her up to no avail. Did Strange figure out a way to disable her? No, he doesn't want me dead or lost— he just wanted me to stop. He knows Karen controls aspects of my suit and everything, he wouldn't disable her on purpose, right?

Okay, Peter. Think.

You're in a strange city, your AI is down, you have no idea where you are. What do you do? Go to a gas station and ask where you are. Wait no— I'm in the suit. I don't have to go to a gas station, I can just walk up to someone, everyone knows who I am. They'll assume that a bad guy got me lost.

I swing down from the rooftop and land in the street. Weird, not a lot of people out and about.

"Now what the shit is this?"

"Oh thank God I'm still in America—" I sigh and turn towards the cop. "Officer!" I walk towards him. "Excuse me, sorry, I was just in Manhattan fighting— and I seem to be lost— where am I?"

"...Gotham City."

"Fantastic— what state am I in? Is New York close to that?" He raises his eyebrow, reaching for his radio.

"Dick, you're gonna wanna see this." I smile awkwardly even though he can't see my mouth. Karen isn't working, and therefore the controls of my suit aren't either. "You don't know where Gotham is?"

"Uh— sir, you're city is very beautiful, but I attended public school, my geography isn't great, and I'm a little preoccupied trying to get back to the fight—"

"You've never even heard of Gotham?"

"Again, sir, I'm very sorry—"

"Okay, whats going on?" A very tall very muscular officer walks over. He then looks at me. "What the hell?"

"I— I'm so—"

"He says he's never heard of Gotham." The taller one raises his eyebrow.

"Never?"

"Look— I'm so sorry, but I need to get back to Manhattan, I was in the middle of a fight—"

"Who are you?" I blink.

"Who— who am I?" Suddenly I remember why exactly I was fighting Strange. "Oh. Um, I'm sorry, I'll figure it out, didn't mean to bother you, so sorry—" crap crap crap why is my first instinct Oh yay cops will help? I should know better by now—

"Just hold it—" I swing away, illiciting very loud noises of surprise from the two cops.

I end up back on a roof, another roof, and am aware of the trail I am leaving behind. I should stop swinging, so they can't track me. I take a deep breath and reach out with my senses.

"—swinging from webs?? I mean that's kinda cool, to be honest—"

"Just bring him in, be careful. We don't know what he's capable of."

"Yea, Tim. Fan boy later. Catch now."

"I don't know, even with the mask he seemed genuinely confused, like he really had never heard of Gotham."

"Oh, yea, Dick. Every single person on earth has heard of Gotham, if not for our fantastically high crime rates or Batman, then they know Mr. Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist Bruce Wayne—"

"Hey, no government names on the comms."

My blood runs cold. Who the hell is Bruce Wayne and why did they call him that— that's Tony. That's Tony. This... this is wrong, nobody else should be called that— not even as a joke.

I take a breath. Calm down, Peter. You've got this. You can do this.

Orange light washes over me and I look up, seeing Dr Strange looking down at me.

"Strange!" I attempt to swing back through the portal but my web fizzles and falls.

"Enjoy your new universe, Peter. I'll be back in a year to check on you."

"Dr— STRANGE!" I yell as the portal closes. My hair stands on end as I'm surrounded by seven masked forms.

"Who are you?" One in a blue mask asks. I recognize him as both one of the cops from earlier, and the one who was saying I seemed confused. He's also the one called Dick. Full name must be Richard.

"I could ask you the same, Dick." He clearly falters, and the others tense. I think back to his uniform.

"Name calling is going to get you nowhere."

"You think I'm joking, Grayson?" That gets him to freeze. "Should I go down the line?" Please don't call my bluff please don't call my bluff please for the love of whatever do not call my bluff—

"Nightwing, you know this... thing?"

"... you really don't know who I am?"  Strange said new universe. I don't know what I was expecting. "Spider-Man? I-I'm an Avenger? America's Favorite Avenger—"

"If this is some sort of weird power trip, like you think you're the greatest supervillain ever—"

"Villain?" I turn to the voice I recognize to be the one called Tim. "I'm not a villain!"

"Exactly what a villain would say." I look around, frantic.

"You have to believe me— I— the Avengers? Tony Stark? Nothing?" They all look to each other. I sink to my knees. "You don't have the Avengers. You don't have... anything." I hear static before a female voice begins speaking in their comms.

"I've got nothing on a Spider-Man, Tony Stark, or the Avengers."

"Of course you don't." They all stare at me as I sigh. "My name is Peter Parker. And I'm in the wrong universe."

"Okay, let's get that mask off and get you to a hospital—"

"Good luck getting my mask off, and I'm not going to a hospital. I need a computer. I have—"

"What do you mean, is your mask glued to your face?"

"No, Tim." He freezes. "It's nanotech. My AI controls it but because I'm in a different universe she doesn't work. I need a computer so I can fix her and then she can help me figure out interdimensional travel."

"How do you know our names?" The blonde girl asks.

"You should listen when your boss tells you not to use your government names on your comms."

"You hacked our comms?" I look at the one who looks like redskull but... less.

"No, I'm a superhuman. I heard you, literally."

"You... hacked our comms?" Dick says again.

"No, I— I didn't— I heard you— I have superhuman hearing?" I look around at them all. I sigh and listen closely. What can I hear... "I hear... something... or... no, someone running towards us? About... two hundred and fifty pounds? Something is flapping behind it— he's about a minute away based on his speed."

"How can you—"

"I told you, superhuman. Sort of. I—" I look at them, sizing them up. No, lifting one of them is probably going to get me attacked. I don't need that. They're not really setting off my gut, I don't feel bad about them. What can I do... I look around. "Ah!" I go over to a giant conveniently placed building air conditioning unit and lift it with one hand. "See? Superhuman. And three, two—" I point as a giant cloaked man appears. I was right, about two fifty. Mostly muscle.

"Meta." The smallest one mumbles. What the hell does that mean?

"Batman, he—"

"I heard." He narrows his eyes beneath his mask.

"Batman?" I say. "You really died on that hill?" Suddenly, my body feels heavy. Weak. "Crap—" I lean against the air conditioning unit.

"Are you alright, kid—"

"Don't call me that." I snap. "The only person who was allowed to call me that is dead— except no he isn't. He's in a different universe— god Mr. Stark, I wish you were here." I mumble that last part, it wasn't for anyone here. It was for him. "I'm fine, I'm just exhausted. I've been fighting an interdimensional sorcerer for like six hours and then I got dumped here, forgive me if I'm a bit tired." The man, Batman, nods.

"Alright, let's get you back to the cave. We can take a look and get that mask off so you can breathe better."

"My suit has a built in—" I stop. "No it doesn't, because Karen is down. Nevermind."

"Karen?"

"My AI. Do you have AI in this universe? Do you have computers—"

"Let's just... focus on you, okay?"

They all take me back to a giant tower.

"Bats, are we sure this is a good idea?" I hear Dick ask.

"He's a kid. He's scared and confused, not unlike how I met most of you. He thinks he's from a different universe, we—"

"I don't think I'm from a different universe, I am. And I'm not scared." They all stare at me again.

"When did you... gain the ability—"

"I was bit by a radioactive spider."

"Oh, metahuman." I furrow my brows.

"You call supers metahumans in this universe?"

"... you call them supers?" I nod.

"Well, sometimes. Other times they have a species."

"Like what?" I look at the blonde girl. I wish I knew all of their names.

"Well, my... kind of coworker Bruce got himself exposed to radiation and can shapeshift into a giant rage monster. I think he's got it under control now, but he accidentally exposed his cousin to it and now she can kinda do the same thing. Then there is Thor and Loki, they're just... gods, so, entirely different species there. Then there is Captain America, he is a super soldier, he was genetically modified to fight nazis. Bucky was also modified except he was modified by the soviets. And then we have uhhh Carol Danvers, she was modified by alien tech, and Natasha is just a trained assassin from... also the soviets? But yea, we're superheroes, so we're superhuman. What, are you guys metaheroes?"

"Vigilantes."

"Okay, moment of transparency, I know two of your names. I don't think it's a good idea for me to keep calling you by your government names while you're in the suit, so... what do I call you guys?"

"Nightwing."

"Redhood." Redskull looking guy.

"Red Robin." Tim.

"Spoiler." Blondie.

"Robin." Tiny one.

"Blackbat." The other girl, I can't see any of her skin or hair.

"Cat Girl." Short red hair and honestly comically large ears attached to her mask.

"And the girl on the comms?"

"... Signal." Dick, aka Nightwing, tells me. I look at Batman.

"And you're Batman. Great. I'm Spider-Man." My hair stands on end as two more figures approach from the sky. I tense before realizing that my new found... allies seem unfazed.

"Wonder Woman, Superman. This is Spider-Man. He says he's from a different universe and he can't get his suit off."

"You don't believe me, fine, I wouldn't believe it either. Is there a mind reader in this universe? Truth serum? Anything?" Everyone looks to Wonder Woman.

"I can use the Lasso of Truth."

"Perfect, hit me." She very carefully undoes the holster and a giant golden lasso unfolds. She takes my arms and ties it gently around them. It tingles.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Peter Benjamin Parker. I am a junior at Midtown School Of Science And Technology. I am Spider-Man, the vigilante hero turned Avenger after fighting Thanos in the Battle of Titan where I, along with half of the world's population, blipped. After coming back, I became a full-fledged Avenger." Everyone shares look.

"How did you get here?" She asks.

"A villain named Mysterio leaked my identity to the whole world and got me labeled as a terrorist. In my effort to fix things, I went to Doctor Strange, a sorcerer and fellow Avenger for help. He had a spell that could essentially turn back the clock and erase my identity from people's minds. I didn't want to go back to hiding things from my loved ones, so I asked for them to be excluded, but I accidentally broke the spell box and brought villains from other universes into my own. I discovered that the villains were misunderstood and hurting, and I am determined to save them from dying in their own universe. Doctor Strange did not like that and throw me here as a time-out. He said he'd back in a year." Wonder Woman nods.

"I see. Anybody else have questions?"

"How do you know our names?" I sigh.

"I told you. I have incredibly keen senses I could hear you all talking on your comms when you were chasing me."

"How did you come into your abilities?"

"Radioactive spider. Again. I already said this. Now can you please point me towards a computer?"

[grapebritain]

Pretty much everything Shawn does can be pinpointed back to his childhood, and it's sad too see because most of his toxic traits could have been mended if his parents just had a bit of stability, or just where a little less controlling when he was younger.

His relationship with henry for example is one of the most obvious pointers to why Shawn is the way he is.

Shawn HATES losing, he hates not being on top and he hates not being the centre of attention. Even though some of this is ego, a lot of this is to do with self worth issues as well which is why he gets so irritable when people 'beat' him.

One time this behaviour really stuck out to me like a sore thumb was an episode or two after "from earth to starbucks". In the episode itself , shawn helps lassie with his mental health. he gets it so he feels as though he can solve cases again, and as a result of his confidence boast Lassiter really DOES start solving cases on his own much better than he was before. Evethough Shawn clearly was happy for him at first, and does care a whole lot about Lassiter than he would say out loud, a few episodes after when Lassie starts getting TOO good, Shawn starts acting pretty toxic about him and competitive. Which is a little paradoxical when originally he wanted him to be better, and do better than he was before. I'm pretty sure he does anyway cuz i remember watched a few eps after being like "why is he doing that, i thought he wanted him to do better?".

Regardless, Shawn starts getting hostile to people "better" than him because his dad basically engraved into him that if you are anything other than a winner , you are a loser and you see this all the way from episode 1. When shawn wants cake, he has to get all the hats in the room perfect otherwise he won't get anything. This same thing comes up again when he goes to his dad much older now to ask for help. he has to "win" the hat game in order to get anything out of his father. No matter if his dad had good intentions or not with it, mostly only rewarding shawn when he wins and being so intense about being 'the perfect cop' MADE shawn hate being anything other than the top of the top. the best of the best. Especially when it came to police work.

It's why he gets hostile over any form of competition, and even gets more hostile when people in his life show more interest in anyone but him. He does it with Jules, he does it with Lassiter, and i think he may even do it to gus at some stage. Jules it was her boyfriends, because he viewed himself as the 'best' to be with her. He was on top, so he should be the one to be her boyfriend right..? Then with Lassiter, there are two guys that are somewhat similar to shawn,are good at police work and Lassie clearly admires a lot which makes Shawn pretty heated and sulky that Lassie is no longer looking to him. With gus he got annoyed because Lassiter started spending time with him and 'took away' his best friend from him when be believed gus was HIS friend, not Lassies.

life doesn't work as black and white as 'winner and loser' .People don't have to be the 'best of the best 'to 'earn' love and appreciation, which seems to confuse and aggravate Shawn. It sort of makes him insecure. If people like them more, they...must be better than him because the 'best' are only deserving of appreciation. Well, in his eyes anyway. I think some part of him knows thats insanity as he only has this mentality with his own self worth, but because it was programmed into him at such a young age, it isn't something he can easily brush aside.

To him, having someone be admired more than him, to be 'better' than him for even a second basically diminished his value as a person and makes him less deserving. That and he still feels as though hes the best so people should be looking at him (bro has a HUGE ego). A lot of his anger issues have roots in insecurity , especially this one, and i think it's why for a comedy show there is something so....almost tragic about Shawn despite all the jokes and references he makes.

[littlefankingdom]

~ Green Arrow: Seeing Red

Really, another moment from Jason showing that his education stopped when he was 15.

The idea that Bruce and Oliver respecting life and refusing to kill is a result of their "pampered upbringing" is ridiculous. It's, firstly, pretty classicist, because portraying the elite has innocent and morally superior while the lower classes are violent and prone to murder, is classicism, even if the person saying that is from the second one.

Secondly, it's plain wrong. The elite, with it's "pampered upbringing", they don't give a fuck about hurting others and taking lives for their own gain. For THEIR greater good, they will do awful things. Open a history book, Jason, because killing less fortunate people by labelling them rapists or murderers is an extremely commun tactic used by the elite. The black folks in the USA, the Palestinians since WWII, the Parisians workers in June 1848... It was just used by the French gov to send the GIGN after a romani family, and if there is one thing European gov work hard for, it's painting Romani as violent and dangerous to justify using excessive violence. YOUR BROTHER IS ROMANI, JASON! Bruce and Oliver refusing to kill, seeing values in the most disgusting people, is them going AGAINST their upbringing. And if they did kill, as they both are very privileged white man in the US, it would be a huge abuse of power. They would be just like the others, members of the elite that kills for their own gain.

I need all of you to understand that Jason isn't speaking about fighting oppression, because that's what a lot of the fandom think he does, but he doesn't. He isn't speaking about the French killing Louis XVI, or black slaves murdering their white owner. He isn't talking about killing someone like Vladimir Putin or Bernard Arnault (one of the richest men on Earth, a French fascist that is destroying multiple countries with the power of his money). He isn't speaking about killing someone that has so much power and influence, they are untouchable, and the only solution we have rn seems to be their death. I would be fine with that, I would bring the champagne afterward. No. Jason is speaking about killing criminals that can be arrested and brought to justice. He is talking about everyday people that are also bad people. And that, that's not acceptable. Because just like I explained in the paragraph before, it's an abuse of power that has been used since forever. He acts like a cop.

"But, he is just talking about doing bad things to survive!" No, he is using that, a commun experience he and Mia went through, to open the discussion on killing people. And, sure, let's talk about doing bad thing to do good. Neither Bruce or Oliver are against that. They are both vigilante, WHICH IS ILLEGAL. I have not read much Green Arrow comics, but I know there is this important run with Hal Jordan where Oliver taught him how to fight for a better society, you have to be nasty sometimes. He is supposed to be an anarchist, and anarchists know you have to do bad thing for the greater good. They did terrorist attacks targetting presidents, for fuck's sake! (In France, one of our president was assassinated by an anarchist) And Bruce, well, he saw how corrupt his city was, especially the politicians and the cops, and he chose violence, which isn't legally good, and even immoral some would say. He took politicians out of their bed and tangled them from the highest building they own by their socks. And he had a plan to unite the crime family under his false identity Matches Malone, so to take over Gotham's underwold, which would have made THE crimelord of Gotham, just to protect the city and control crime.

In the end, what is happening here is that Jason is annoyed that his dad isn't okay with him killing people, so he decides to try to recruit another teenager by beating her up. Like, if every teenager kill with him, it makes it okay. And really, Jason, grow the fuck up. It's normal for a parent to not want their kid to be a murderer. No good parent would want their kid to kill people.

[beifong-brainrot]

After reading your post in regards to Toph being a cop — in your opinion, what do you think she should’ve become if she didn’t become a cop?

Honestly, part of me doesn't even think Toph should become anything lol. Or at least, not at once. She deserves to have the freedom she wanted so much, so I'd honestly just want to see her travelling and experiencing the worldz doing whatever the hell she wants.

Something I've been thinking about way too much ehen it comes to Toph is how she didn't really set out to change the world/defeat Ozai, like the rest of the Gaang. Of course, I don't think she was apathetic towards their cause, but we can't forget that her main motivation was to free herself from her parents.

Which she achieved by travelling with the Gaang, making friends while also hrowing as a person. I truly believe that even in canon, those were the best years in Toph's life, which may be why she chose to live in the same swamp that set Aang on his journey to her.

So when the Gaang managed to defeat Ozai and the Fire Nation, it was a new start for Aang, Katara, Sokka and Zuko. But for Toph it was kind of the death of the freedom and companionship she loved from their travels.

After the war, the Gaang became political figures which sucks for Toph because a) she hates politics and b) it sets more restraints in how she operates. People know her as the Avatar's friend and so the underground fighters she used to run with see her as a lawbringer.

So I could see Toph trying to make bending battles more legal and accepted. Hell, I like the idea of her being heavily engaged in probending, if not helping develop it.

I like the idea of Toph never getting tied down to a profession, though.

It won't be the same with her not always being able to have the Gaang at her side, but I think she might enjoy going solo for a bit. I can see her as a risk taker and daredevil, always trying to find another challenge, be it by dealing with a bunch of bandits or climbing a tall mountain.

The members of the Gaang would probably occasionally tag along with her, particularly Aang when he gets that Nomad itch and she'd visit them frequently.

As she grows older she might become more accustomed to her new influence and role in the post war world, but I can't ever really see her engaging in politics on the level that Aang Katara, Sokka and Zuko would.

But I can see her trying to rebuild Earthbender culture and particularly try to bring Earthbending back to the finesse and artistry it had before the Fire Nation.

This ties back to the idea that due to the Fire Nation's constant invasion onto the Earth Kingdom, earthbending stopped being treated with the respect it used to have as a bending form. As Fire Nationals would see Earth Kingdom citizens as inferior and by extent, their bending arts. Plus rounding up all benders and locking them away wouldn't really create a space for techniques to be passed down. Additionally, Earthbenders themselves would probably have to prioritise combat based bending rather than the more artistic cultural aspects of it. Hence Earthbending being a sort of less refined or spiritual 'throw rock really hard'

While Toph doesn't have much of a regard for tradition, I think she still feels strongly about her ties to the Earth Kingdom and with timez I could see her wanting to bring Earthebender culture into the future. It could start with her pushing to relearn older techniques that were lost to time, and perhaps trying to retrieve artifacts stolen by the Fire Nation. (INDIANA JONES TOPH- *gets shot*)

Also, throughout the series we see her seem to develop an interest in non combative bending. So it would be interesting to see her try to revive artistry in earthbending, particularly sculpting. I think it would be kinda cute, since it would be the first time she would be able to engage with art without someone having to describe it for her.

Like look at how many statues of herself she made it's fucking adorable. Look at her gooo!

So I could see her following some artistic hobbies as well, maybe trying to restore old Earth Kingdom monuments and scupltures. Since I think seismic sense could help her with archeological endeavours etc, like it did with the library.

I don't know if Toph could enjoy one singular vocation, due to her constant need for challenge and stimulation, so I think travelling the world and looking for various adventures and jobs would be the best fit. Since even if she's passionate about something, she can get burnt out if things get too repetitive, as we see with her metalbending academy.

Essentially, I think she should become the dragonborn from Skyrim.

[acquired-stardust]

Game Spotlight #15: Policenauts (1996)

Ash finds herself firmly back in the Kojimaverse as she talks about the 1996 Sega Saturn version of Policenauts for Acquired-Stardust's first spotlight of our second year. Disappointing followup or misunderstood masterpiece? And just what is a "sexy adventure" anyway? Come read along as we answer all these questions and more!

Oh, Hideo Kojima. When last we covered his work in written form on the blog it was almost a year ago in the form of a spotlight on 1994's Sega CD port of Snatcher (which you can read by clicking here). If it wasn't already abundantly clear let me state the obvious: I'm a huge fan of the man and his work. I think he's one of gaming's top creative geniuses alongside the likes of Yasumi Matsuno, Fumito Ueda and Yoko Taro. But you could be forgiven for not sharing that feeling when looking at Policenauts on a surface level or by taking common talking points about it at face value.

Policenauts is something of a black sheep in the Kojima portfolio that is often maligned by people for being 'Snatcher but worse'. It has a similar fish out of water setup taking place in a near-future science fiction world. Its lead character, the womanizing Jonathan Ingram, has a similar relationship with a former lover to Snatcher's Gillian Seed and even looks a bit like him, a point that is alluded to in the game itself as part of a meta cameo (one of several callbacks and references to Snatcher). The sexuality and its use for attempts at comedy can be obnoxious and over the top. Some of the themes of Policenauts are also retreads of themes Snatcher deals with, which can certainly dip into feeling like they were less effective this time around. What's more, the game is far more linear and on-rails than Snatcher, presenting far fewer opportunities to tinker with it and discover much in the way of hidden easter eggs or cleverly placed extras. Some of its later developments feel a little bit like 'a hat on a hat' and not entirely necessary. Its featured romance is very forced and odd (though ultimately executed extremely well). These things are all true.

Be that as it may, make no mistake about it: Policenauts is a fantastic experience that is, like its lead character, a fascinating time capsule from a long gone era. Following a similar blueprint to Snatcher's usage of various sci-fi media (most notably Blade Runner), Policenauts is heavily patterned after the Lethal Weapon franchise, and uses the familiarity one may have with its buddy cop formula to get its foot in the door before subverting your expectations as it deviates into its own original work rather quickly.

Opening after an accident in combination policeman-astronaut (the titular Policenauts) Jonathan Ingram's testing of a high tech mech suit during a spacewalk outside of the space colony Beyond Coast that sends him adrift in space for 25 years while cryogenically frozen, Jonathan picks up where he left off by becoming a private investigator of meager success in Earth's Old LA. Finding himself a stranger in a world he is 25 years removed from and stricken with severe cosmophobia from his ordeal. Jonathan's former wife has moved on and remarried. His four fellow policenauts have settled into comfortable lives on space colony Beyond Coast as something of heroes and celebrities. Forced to overcome his cosmophobia when a very personal case sends him once more to Beyond Coast, Jonathan reunites with his best friend and former fellow policenaut Ed Brown (himself still a cop on the aforementioned space colony) to unravel a conspiracy.

It's often said that Jonathan is a very unlikable character, but I find the opposite to be true. There is a solemness, sadness and resilience to him that comes across very well, being inherently at odds with a time that did not stop and life that moved on without him. Much is also made, as previously noted, of his womanizing, and I'd like to address that talking point by first pointing out that much like Snatcher, the vast majority (in fact all but one or two instances) of the sexuality of the game is entirely optional and serves as a bit of meta humor. Jonathan's inability to control himself is a direct result of his literal inability to control himself as he is at the complete mercy of the player, who can decide to pester multiple female characters to with zero benefit. Just as well, Policenauts lands firmly in the genre of something I like to call 'Sexy Adventure', a term borrowed from a song featured in the iconic Lupin III franchise that contains works you might be familiar with such as Space Dandy, City Hunter, Dirty Pair and indeed Lupin III.

Several tropes of the genre include a strong sense of Japanese sensuality and horniness, action sequences involving guns and cars, romance, large scale conspiracies and characters who are masters of their particular fields to an absurd degree. Jonathan's womanizing, something almost exclusively indulged in as optional behavior by the player, is certainly less than Arsene Lupin III for example, but coming to terms with the horniness of this micro-genre is imperative if you hope to enjoy anything it has to offer. Just as well, Policenauts' original release platform before being ported to the Sega Saturn was the PC98 which (along with the earlier PC88) was known for a frankly overwhelming amount of pornographic hentai games. To a large extent this was very much the norm for games on the platform and the time, and while nothing in Policenauts borders on pornographic, the sexuality of it is to be expected.

Policenauts doubles down on a distinguishing feature of Snatcher in its thorough worldbuilding, and is perhaps the key area that the game shines in most especially when compared to Snatcher. Containing an in-game encyclopedia that is always accessible at the touch of a button, it is dauntingly dense and features countless clickable entries detailing many aspects of life, culture and science in the Policenauts universe, often dipping into heavy doses of hard science with surprisingly detailed explanations behind even mundane parts of everyday life on Beyond Coast, such as biodegradable plastics, a problem which Kojima envisioned solved by 2040. I was a bit taken aback by given the foresight of the plastics issue given our own real-world news cycles being dominated by topics like microplastics in recent years.

The level of real science involved in the encyclopedia is rewarding for those of us who like to devour every bit of information we can get our hands on and can pick out the real from the fictional and it helps make Beyond Coast feel all the more real. The sci-fi Japanifornia that is Beyond Coast is almost a character unto itself to an even further extent than Snatcher's setting of Neo Kobe and remains in my book one of the most fleshed out and believable settings in all of gaming. Furthermore the knowledge Hideo Kojima has in a time before the level of availability and access to information we have in the current internet age is hugely impressive.

Overwhelming density is a recurring aspect of the game which may make or break your enjoyment of it. For a game that is less interactive than Snatcher it is somehow more dense, intimidatingly so if you are willing to indulge in its encyclopedia and really study the universe that Kojima created. The player is also able to examine a shocking number of elements of backgrounds and get multiple optional lines of dialogue about them, although as previously noted Policenauts offers much less in the way of diversion and distraction, and is significantly more linear.

Some of the core themes and strengths of Policenauts are similar to Snatcher, and while not all of them are as well executed this time around, a number of them exceed Snatcher. The importance of family, as well as different utilizations of it, is highlighted through the game. For Jonathan it is a trauma. A source of obligation and a constant reminder of not belonging in the world. Fellow former policenauts Ed Brown and Joseph Sadaoki Tokugawa are also used to explore these themes, with Ed's family keeping him grounded after personal and professional tragedy leaves him similarly traumatized and Tokugawa's lineage is a guiding beacon, instilling in him an ambition that sees his rise to the head of the Tokugawa Corporation, which has become large enough in the 25 years Jonathan spent in cryo sleep that it's said to quite literally own outer space. Ed's scenes with his family are perhaps the emotional core of the game and are shockingly well done for a game that features slapping a woman's breasts in an attempt to swat a mosquito.

Further themes explored are the way that the past becomes the future, and how easily it is manipulated by bad actors with agendas when few people who lived through it are around to contradict those agendas and narratives. Policenauts also plays into real history in its utilization of time as a story theme with its character names, often referencing real Sengoku-era Japanese family clans.

It is a fascinating predictor for some of the subjects explored through some of Kojima's later works. The toll that time takes on individuals is is also a constant fixture of the story. Pioneering heroes become broken down and traumatized. Corruption will slowly trickle in if you allow it to in ways that a past self would've stood against. One's life can always change in the future for both better and worse in ways that the present self could never have foreseen.

Jonathan contrasts Snatcher's Gillian Seed masterfully in this particular regard as a man who is a literal manifestation of the past, confronting his former comrades and the state of the world head-on as a reminder of the bright ideals that guided mankind to space to begin with. Also of particular note, without delving too much into spoiler territory, is the remarkable way that Jonathan trusts the corrupting factor of time to help Ed's son Marc given all the damage Jon has seen it do to those around him as well as the world itself.

Although there is a genuine tension to the game as well as a real feeling of both being and interacting with important in-universe figures, the conclusion of the game is a bit lackluster and sudden. Policenauts' plot is largely intentionally predictable, only containing a few twists you might not expect. The game's romance, previously noted as being a bit inexplicable, is ultimately resolved very satisfyingly and in a way that reinforces some prominent themes of the game.

Just as well the game takes criticism of Snatcher (and adventure games as well as visual novels as a whole) a little unevenly. It is far more linear than Snatcher, but features significantly more combat sections that see the player shoot an ungodly number of bullets and drop a frankly impossibly comedic amount of enemies by the end of the game. They are unnecessary and detract from the experience a bit, but understandable over-correctons to criticism of the traditional Japanese adventure game genre as well as Snatcher in particular.

As an aside, Policenauts features one of the most clever inclusions of a sound test mode that allows you to listen to various tracks from the game including its haunting opening theme "End of the Dark" as well as the fantastic "One Night in Neo Kobe" that was featured in the opening of Snatcher.

Policenauts is an uneven experience that in some ways reflects common trappings of its time while also looking forward to humanity's future. It asks some very pertinent questions about humanity's ability to conquer big issues if we are so unable to conquer the worst aspects of ourselves. Its usage of time and the trauma it can inflict on even the best of us can be rather sobering to see, and Jonathan's hope for Ed's son in the face of that is rather inspiring.

In some ways it reacts too strongly to criticism of adventure games as whole as well as Snatcher in particular by creating a lighter, more predictable and linear experience with more lightgun gameplay segments that detract from the overall package. Its sexuality and hamfisted comedy that comes part and parcel with the sexy adventure micro-genre can be a pain point, and it can be off putting in its density if you allow it to be. In some ways it is inferior to Snatcher, which makes an incredible case for the necessity of actually playing a good adventure game rather than just watching it that Policenauts sadly does not live up to.

But despite it all Policenauts is every bit as clever as Snatcher and in some ways it is just as strong, if not even stronger, a predictor of Hideo Kojima's future runaway success with Metal Gear Solid. Its highs may often not reach the peaks that Snatcher does, but even its valleys remain far higher than most games you could spend your time on and it remains a constant influence on some of the most popular indie game standouts like VA-11 Hall-A, 2064: Read Only Memories and Mullet Mad Jack.

If you have an interest in the works of Hideo Kojima, traditional Japanese style adventure games or the sexy adventure micro-genre, a vacation to Beyond Coast might be just the thing for you.

A gem hidden among the stones, Policenauts is undoubtedly stardust.

-- Ash

[tobiasdrake]

As a Sonic fan since as far back as i can remember, i don't care for the Sonic Movies. I didn't mind at first but learning that Paramount is Pro-Israel made me rethink a lot of Sonic's character in those movies. Sonic is one of my favorite characters in the franchise (along with Amy) so i can be particular about how Sonic is portrayed (i don't like IDW Sonic). I don't mind different takes but if you don't get him right where it counts i'm gonna complain. I also don't like Knuckles at all in the movies and Tails feels unbelievably tacked on.

I can understand that. I do like... well, Sonic 2, specifically. I think that one has more good than bad, though I'm less fond of Sonic 1 and the Knux show. But I do have my beefs with all of them.

Like. I love Jim Carrey's Eggman, but he's also definitely more Jim Carrey than Eggman. He's very entertaining, somehow managing to be even more of a cartoon character than the CGI anthro protagonists.

Knux is... complicated? Like. I think there's a lot of pushback in the Sonic environment right now against the idea of Knuckles as a dim-witted brute, because that was a popular portrayal for a while. Sonic Boom comes immediately to mind.

Sonic Movie Knux was hailed as a brilliant portrayal because they didn't play him as stupid, but instead focused on him as a proud warrior clan type. But also... they kinda did play him as stupid? It's just that they were making "Knux doesn't get it because of culture shock" jokes instead of "Knux is just stupid" jokes. Which is really just a different angle on the same thing.

I think Idris Elba's performance carried a lot of his reception. Also that a lot of his stupid moments are funny. But. Like. The complaint was never that he wasn't funny. Boom Knuckles is funny too. It still sucks to see him reduced to a comical goon.

Contrast his portrayal in Frontiers. Frontiers Knuckles actually gets to express his knowledge and expertise. He talks at length about Angel Island history and architecture, comparing them to the current environment; Things that would reasonably be within his field of expertise.

And then there's Tom....

...

...

...existing, honestly? I don't like Tom. He's here because Paramount has no faith in the Sonic IP to carry a film and thinks the audience really wants to see a relatable self-insert in order to be invested in the film.

You're not really supposed to be rooting for Sonic as "the protagonist". You're supposed to be rooting for Sonic as "my kid". The films are made from the P.O.V. of cheering from the stands while your ten-year-old hits a home run in his Little League game. You're meant to be proud of Sonic, not to relate to Sonic.

Which kinda sucks by itself but also the guy they think is a relatable self-insert to project onto? Is a smug white rural cop who yearns to be a Big City Police Officer and has conspicuously unexplored drama with his wife's sister.

Like, Rachel violently despises him for reasons that the films refuse to examine, because they just want to use her to make Sassy Black Woman jokes. And haven't really thought through how it looks when Maddie is married to a fucking cop that her sister ambiguously but firmly insists is the scum of the earth. The implications there went straight over the filmmakers' heads.

It's all just... There's a lot. They made bad decisions with Sonic 1 but managed to find enough success at the box office to justify sequels, and now those bad decisions are baked in. Paramount thinks that's what people want to see. They think people want a Knuckles series that's about another white cop with an alleged heart of gold battling the feds and confronting his personal family drama, guest-starring Knuckles the Echidna.

I like the movies enough to check them out. The second one was a fine enough "Turn your brain off and just look at the lights and sounds" film. I actually had a blast with the "Maddie and Rachel beat the shit out of a bunch of cops" scene that everyone hates. The fights between Sonic and Knux were a lot of fun. Carreyman and Stone steal every scene they're in.

But it is all very not-Sonic.