#there are typos in this post and I Do Not Care
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slowly posting some old stuff from my ptreon that might be helpful
#ahumn what do i tag this as#tutorial#art tutorial#art#might post the step by steps I did or process gifs for older illustrations too I need to see how to make it workđľ#sry i dont care to fix the typos I'm sure you knwo what I mean
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"An Hour."
⢠Masterlist â˘
Warnings: Hospital settings, aftermath of captivity, mentioned death.
Medic, despite what their job would suggest, wasn't a caregiver. They were just a mechanic working on circuits, not who carefully kept the whole mechanism running. They could fix people, but it was that. Someone would have to take over the aftermath.
Much to Medic's relief, Leader was a caregiver. A good one, even.
Too good, they lately noticed. Too good that it was starting to make Medic worried. But just like every other day, Medic knocked the infirmary door in exactly same time, before opening it fully. Youngest was asleep in the hospital bed - Medic had said Leader that it was unnecessary, but Leader brought one anyway - and at last drops of their IV.
"An hour," Leader muttered. At this point it felt like a ritual. So, without a word, Medic moved and changed Youngest's IV to antibiotics as Leader deserted the room silently. Probably to sleep.
Good, Medic thought. Leader needed it.
Medic made their way to the armchair, only to see Leader's office keys on it. For a moment, they considered giving it back. They respected privacy, but they were also curious. For the last one month and a half, all Leader did was looking for Youngest, caring for Youngest or staying in their office. The first two was understandable, but the third...
Now Medic could learn whatever Leader was doing in their office.
Medic hesitated. They shouldnât invade Leaderâs privacyâLeader had done nothing to earn suspicion, at all. And Leader never broke anyone's boundries, so Medic doing it to them was just wrong. But something had been gnawing at the back of Medicâs mind for weeks now, something beyond the usual worry for Youngest. Leaderâs behavior, so single-minded, so intense, felt wrong. So wrong for someone almost obsessed with making the future better. And if there was something in that office that could explain it...
Steeling themselves, Medic turned and walked down the hall to Leaderâs office. The key slid into the lock with an ease that almost felt too simple. "Where's Leader?" Medic shouted. Leader's room was wide open and Leader wasn't there.
"Went for a quick walk," Right Hand shouted back.
Medic took a deep breath. "Okay," they muttered. With a simple twist, the door creaked open. Medic slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind them slowly. The room was dim, the only light filtering through the half-drawn blinds, casting long shadows across the walls. At first glance, it looked like any other officeâneat, organized, professional. Just like how Leader liked to keep everything. Medic opened the lights.
Notes. Dozens of them, pinned to a board on the wall, scattered across the desk, and even taped to the edges of the bookshelves, almost creating a wallpaper. Most were in Leaderâs precise handwriting, detailing locations, names, dates, and other pieces of information that, together, painted a picture out of a detective's office. Medicâs gaze was drawn to a map on the wall, marked with pins and red string connecting various points. They moved closer, recognizing the locations as places where incidents had occurredâbreak-ins, disappearances, attacks. All related to Youngest.
Their heart pounded as they picked up a file from the desk. It had a picture, the person's face partially obscured, but there was no mistaking who it was. Medic had seen that face around Whumperâone of the underlings of them. The person had been found dead two weeks ago, the cause still under investigation. There were detailed reports about them, autopsies, locations, biographies... informations that Medic doubted Leader had the authority to kno let alone storing.
They set the file down, their hands trembling slightly. Leader had been gathering evidence, but it wasnât just about finding Youngest. It was about something more.
Another photo on the desk caught their eye. Medic took it, revealing more photos, more notes underneath. Some were crossed out, others highlighted. A list of namesâpeople connected to the kidnappingâeach one with a note beside it: confirmed dead, under surveillance, possible lead.
Some of these people were no longer a threat because they were dead. Was it coincidence, or had Leader...?
The sound of footsteps in the hallway snapped Medic out of their thoughts. They hurriedly closed the folder and placed thr picture back on the desk, glancing around to make sure everything was as theyâd found it. The door clicked shut just as the office door opened.
Leader stepped inside, looking tired but alert. They froze for a moment, eyes narrowing as they stared in the sight of Medic standing in their office.
âWhat are you doing here?â Leaderâs voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, a warning.
Medic tried to keep their expression neutral, forcing a casual shrug qs if they werenât digging through the room for the last ten minutes. âYou left your keys on the chair. Thought Iâd drop them off.â
Leaderâs gaze flicked to the keys in Medicâs hand, then back to their face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, Leader crossed the room, taking the keys with a nod.
âThank you,â they said, their tone polite but distant. âPlease wait for my return next time.â
Medic nodded, feeling the tension in the air like a physical weight. They turned to leave, but couldnât help one last glance at the desk, at the folder now lying innocently on the surface.
Leader didnât miss the look. âIs there something else?â
âNo,â Medic replied quickly, shaking their head. âJust... take care of yourself, okay? You look like you havenât slept in days.â
Leaderâs expression relaxed, a smile so soft and tender taking over. âDon't worry. Byt you should get some rest too.â
How could Medic be suspicious of them when all Leader did was worrying and caring for the team? Shoving the guilt down, they forced a smile and left the office.
-���-
Later that day, Medic was in the break room when the news broke. The television mounted on the wall buzzed with static before the anchorâs voice cut in, somber and urgent.
âWe interrupt this program with breaking news. Henchman, a key figure in the recent string of criminal activities linked to the late terrorist Whumper, was found dead earlier this evening. Authorities are investigating, but details remain scarce at this time.â
Medicâs blood ran cold. Henchmanâanother name on Leaderâs list. Dead. Just like the others.
They stood frozen, the room spinning around them. The timeline didnât add up. Leader couldnât have done itâthey had only left the office for ten minutes, not enough time to cross the city and back. But the coincidences were too many, too pointed.
When Medic next saw Leader, they couldnât help but study their face, searching for anything. But Leader looked even more drained than the last time, still trying to hold it together desperately. When Medic mentioned the news, Leaderâs response was calm, almost indifferent.
âTragic, but not unexpected,â Leader muttered, shrugging slightly. They werenât even focusedâ they looked like they could just collapse and take a twenty four hour nap. âAgency was after them. It was only a matter of time.â
Medic nodded slowly, but the uneasy feeling in their gut only grew. There was something, something that was beyond their understanding. But as Leader walked away, Medic knew one thing for certainâ Leader was doing something wrong. It was either their sleeping habits or the team had a huge problem.
-â˘-
Soo, have another random one. This is standalone, but I wrote this with "A Score to Settle" in my mind. Not quite part two, but I began writing with that intention.
#whump#whump writing#hospital setting#aftermath of captivity#mentioned death#proofreaded but mught have typos#spoiler alert for the next tag >#implied murder#love me some overprotective leaders#have a dialogue that didnât made into the piece:#âDo you think im capable? i failed. i failed to keep youngest safe.#And now im failing to take care of them. Do you truly believe i have the strength to go after the culprits?#yes i want to see all of them burn for what they did but look at me#all i can do is sit next to youngest and hope that i can lift some weight from their shoulders#because i'm not enough to do anything else#ive been never enough and now im paying for my shortcomings#now if youll be so kind i want to suffer alone#because im not even strong enough to stop myself from snapping at someone who did nothing but worry about me.â#and medic gets kicked out like that. just my brain decided to make a calmer leader so this doesnt fit anywhere#might use later in somewhere but just wanted to post#seriously someone stop me from posting at night or i ramble a lot in notes#anyway#im out#thanks for reading
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klavier. fuck him up real bad. make him super sad. guy has had the worst time of his life type deal.
#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#ace attorney#salty art#wyrmrrow#asks#requests#yes this is absolutely ooc and unfinished#you can tell that i drew a good chunk months ago and then i finished the rest haaah. was supposed to like actually#make it but didnt like how it turned out#so tweaked some stuff and now using the ask as an excuse to post it teehee#also excuse typos i do not care enough to fix them wah
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there's a way to break the cycle.
this started as some hand sketching practice a few weeks ago and then i might have gotten carried away and made a lil video of some art of my Irving Braxiatel character study which you can read here!
still images & alt text under the cut!
#really happy with how this turned out considering it was my first attempt at doing any sort of art sequence#cw blood#atbm#my art#my posts#irving braxiatel#bernice summerfield#is this fanart if it's of something i wrote and doesn't explicitly involve any specific characters?#also rip i was gonna post this an hour ago and then i realized there was a typo. if there's another one then. i do not care.
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society if dc hired a writing team of colour who could acknowledge the racial coding of starfire & raven, explore vic's status as a Black man in modern america who's specific disability further means his body is going to be read a certain way by certain people no matter what he does, along with potentially finding a way to sort through the racisim + fetishization that went into prior depictions of dick's heritage:
#i say team as i think team books would probably benefit from more co-writers anyway. allows for more perspective. also pays more artists.#also i think a prior lack of racial sensitivity on the part of major corporations calls for paid opportunity to- for lack of better terms#because i'm stoned & can't find them- fix the fucking mess of it all#there's so much you could do irt to sociopolitical commentary if you just hired the right fucking people. i'm so over this jesus fuck.#dc#ntt#teen titans#the titans#like and even ignoring that there's so much you could do with the idea of friendships & teams as communities if the job was given to#someone who actually fucking CARED about any of those things.#anti tom taylor#legit if i see anyone on the dash praising it i will lose all respect for their opinions.#this man is worse than every insta poet put together and we could have had SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER.#cis white guys write the most absolute crap-paper worthy at best stories&comic companies are just like ''here go. fuck up even MORE stuff''#am angry#if you see the version of this post with a typo just say nothing. yes my brain was just going ''why why why why'' that hard.
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I'm so tired. "Too much XY character content!" "There's not enough content about this and that!" "This character is so underappreciated, I need more content for XY!"
Well make some bloody content then, Samantha
#why are you in the GALE TAG#complaining about ASTARION BEING POPULAR#bestie you're the one BRINGING HIM UP here#be the change you want to see in the world#if you want to see more Wyll content YOU CAN FUCKING MAKE IT#this isn't network television. you don't need funding. we're all doing the same exact fucking thing here.#it's 3 am and I can't sleep because I took an afternoon nap ad my mood is horrendously fucked now#I was just looking at nice screenshots of my favorite disaster wizard; having a good time#not a fucking care in the world#but that post I just saw? fucking rage spell right to my core#eta: fuck. typo. fixed it now. I'm sleepy ok đŤ #yes i know the sentence made little sense originally#and had two âthenâs in it#i know#3 am is my defense
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The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all. The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.
-Alex, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)
i want to talk about this quote. full disclosure, itâs because i keep seeing some really frustrating takes (some of which veer into queerphobia) and i am getting a bit annoyed with people and rather than directly addressing it with them & appear to be picking a fight im going to make an analysis post in my space. (tbf. its mostly on twitter and i have a priv account so that limits me)
disclaimer; this is my interpretation, im not saying its the only interpretation just something to consider. i am queer & cognitively disabled - donât assume malice and dont be cruel. i will ignore and block freely.
tl;dr/very simplified summary: it doesnât mean âdont ever speculate about other peopleâs sexualityâ but rather that âcoming outâ in the way society understands it shouldnât be a necessity for queer people to exist openly as queer. full context under the cut & self-exploration questions at the end.
so lets start with the context. alex is talking at a point in time when the world has read their emails and so knows both are queer (bi & gay, specifically), but neither alex/the white house or henry/the palace have commented. so more simply - alex and henry are known to be queer, but have not come out. alex uses the speech to come out as bi, and as being in love with henry. he also uses it to imply that he & henry should have the right to choose not to do this formal coming out alex is doing.
â
okay. lets get into the quote analysis.
The truth is every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms, and on their own timeline.
reasonably self explanatory. each queer person gets to decide their own timing for coming out, and the way that they want to address their sexuality.
They also have the right to choose not to come out at all.
this is where problems with interpretation have started to appear. fundamentally yes, this means people are allowed to not be openly queer/âoutâ if that is what their decision is. but it also means that they can be visibly queer - for example being in a visibly queer relationship; signalling with their aesthetic (e.g. someone being butch, someone who wears only âgirlâ clothes despite that being at odds to their assigned gender); casually posting about queer things on social media etc - without addressing their own sexuality to others.
it does not mean that you should assume everyone is straight until they explicitly tell you otherwise. and quite frankly insisting that it does mean that is veering into homo-/bi-/queer-phobia because you are insinuating that being not-straight is a negative thing.
The forced conformity of the closet can not be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it.
some people seem to be interpreting this as âyou shouldnt force people out of the closetâ and i donât think thats quite to the nuance of what it means. yes, i do think that is part of it - in much the same way as the previous sentence - but it is not really the whole of it. in my opinion this is actually addressing - at least to some degree - the concept of âwe should assume people are straight until they explicitly say otherwiseâ.
the âforced conformity of coming outâ addresses the idea that to be âoutâ you have to follow these steps; that you have to make a public statement that âthis is my sexuality and i am [queer/bi/gay/pan/ace/etc]â. you are conforming to this precedent of âhow to come outâ that countless queer people have followed. thereâs nothing inherently wrong with doing so, but actually there are different ways to be queer - and even being âoutâ as queer - that donât involve following that playbook.
hereâs a hypothetical to demonstrate my point. two men, who have never dated any women, live together & spend basically all their time together over 5-10 years. they holiday with each otherâs family, theyâre always together at events (e.g. weddings of non-mutual friends), but theyâve never told you/the public that theyâre queer and/or dating each other. at what point does one start to assume theyâre together? and does the answer change if its a man & a woman rather than two men? if a man & a woman did that, people would assume pretty early on theyâre probably dating. but yet when itâs two men suddenly itâs invasive to speculate. this is where this concept of the forced conformity of coming out comes in - along with the veering into homophobia i referenced earlier - why must they say the words âi am gayâ for it to then be âokayâ to consider that theyâre together? (the homophobia comes into play because if you think being gay is morally neutral (which it is) then you shouldnât have any issue with the speculation about people being together regardless of their genders.) the idea that straight is the default is where this forced conformity starts to really kick in.
â
i guess the main things i want people to ask themselves are these (and i have been asking myself these questions, there is no judgement or censure just self examination):
1. do you think people can be openly queer publicly without explicitly sharing that they are queer? (by this i mean in an announcement or in casual conversation. can you be openly queer without ever addressing it explicitly?)
2. if you do, why do you think that talking about the possibility someone is queer is something that should be hushed up? is it because there is an internalised concept that being queer is something abnormal and/or negative? if it was a straight couple would you feel the same way?
3. what does âcoming outâ mean to you? why does it mean that, what have you internalised to get to that conclusion & is it something that always works or are there other ways to be openly queer (or âoutâ if you prefer)?
4. is it possible that there are queer people living openly and happily as themselves without explicitly addressing their sexuality to the wider world, who donât want to address it publicly? does this make them closeted or âlessâ queer to you? if so, what makes you think that?
#dont @ me ab the summary till youve read the post its simplified#rwrb#red white and royal blue#rwrb movie#elioâs meta#elioâs#rwrb meta#this is a sideblog so all replies/asks will be done publicly. if you want it to be private send a dm#i do have a degree in lit analysis so. yeh. but im happy to discuss this civilly if you disagree#key word being civilly if youre angry at me save your breath i will ignore you#i choose not to talk explicitly on my blog about the topic people are using the quote about#if you want to talk about it dm me thats fine. but i am uncomfortable talking about it where i cant control who sees it#i have been.. grumbling about this vaguely its tagged in my negative feelings tag but ive got to a point now#where this quite interpretation is really annoying me#and i cant stop myself#*this quote interpretation - ofc id typo in the tags on my phone where i cant edit it#my punctuation might be terrible i lost track of what i was doing with apostrophes#ive edited this to death procrastinating posting it so im just gonna post it#who cares anymore
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i hope it makes u feel better knowing i didnt even notice those typos until u pointed it out. cant tell if this is a personal failing or win on my end ToT
i stg i usually proofread my stuff to hell and back but for some reason they've just been coming out a little rough lately. someone just pointed out that wriothesley's name is not, in fact, 'wriotheslay' and i have never felt so mortified in my life. i knew it didn't quite look right but i simply refused to look it up for the seventy-billionth time. i'm also kind of blaming y'all because i have been spelling it that way for at least a week and no one said a single thing. y'all just let me make a fool of myself in front of everybody like that huh
#also there's something abount tumblr polls that just attract typos#i think cuz i post them in such a craze of lust and therefore do not care if some letters get left behind#vampire vamire what's the difference am i right#personal#anon ask
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was trying to see if i could outclass a triple-a unreal engine game in the whimsy department (i think i did.)
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#ansem#i dont even know what the original scene is and i dont care.#i know theyre not handling ansem well.#you didnt even try to recreate his fuckass smile smh#if this shows up in the tag idgaf i use it for easy sorting . get real.#i didnt want to sound pretentious im just mad.#fucking. im gonna miss you ansem. fuck off. he never went anywhere.#what if we all blew up. they did nothing interesting with ansem post-com. you dont do anything new with him.#you never bothered to ask the questions no one wanted to ask about this character#maybe im just insane but. maybe if riku got ansem to talk about literally anything else#[SQUARE-ENID UNLEASHES FIRING SQUAD UPON ME]#not even gonna bother correcting that typo#anyway im gonna go back to working on that ansem essay#huh what who said that
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draft sneak peek
#no one asked no ones cares#STILL!#gwaine sweetie i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry i wrote you as a stupid drunk when i know you're so much more than this#still. you are also this.#i mean sometimes. canonically#look it's fine when *i* do it!! because i love him#merlin fanfiction#100% sure I'll spot a typo after posting this#*
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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ok maybe actually i know everything. about music and if they say i donf thatâs literally not my problem cause i know sceruthing ever and everyone ekes just hasnât caught up
#canât be honest to un typo that iâm sorry#bbvvhjbvghnb should go to bed but i havenât done like any german#but also do i need to i dunno itâs complicTsd#if i donât do any iâll regret it equally if i stay up iâll regret it#ghjvc just fuckin flip a coin i dunno who cares itâs so windy#ezraâs real life rambles#ezra likes music#not quite silly hours posting
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"neil gaiman is annoying cause he's on the internet and i can see him" like calling to like or something, come on
#this is not a neil gaiman defense post feel however u like about a person i do not care but it is so criminal to also be annoying about it#i am the pot and kettle etc#go back to bed vin#me not taking my own advice abt going into tags i know are gonna annoy me#gonna start naming places in the things i write after inexplicable tag typos (lost and kettle represent or whatever god)
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iiugyh the epp.. never take geiolkoigy majhor i feel like i am eighty five!!!
#ę°đęąďšrambles â#lookign forward to my retirement cuz wjhat!! /lh/j'#abnyway!! gonna try and post at lkeast a wip or sonmething this weekend :3#byut for real!! (maybe)(hopefully)(if the crcumstances are favorabvle)#soryy aboiut alkl of these typos i fr do not care enough to fix any of them imn literally lockign in in order to try and type normal rn#anwyays goodnight!! <3#im a sleepmaxxer at heart!
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Oh g-d I've been withdrawing
#gamer txt.#i keep typong up posts and tags and delstinv them withoit thinking too much about it recentlu but k never usually dp that#theyve all been needy and attention seeking and thats why i was eriting them in the first place but thats ehy i keep deleting them#because i want attention#and that scares tge hell out of me#how bad do i have to be to be this desperate for some sort of contact yet this scared of losing everyone eho moght give it to me#why am u rhis scared of people thinking im annoying ive been feleting needy posts for months thats not . like me#even when im bad im usually better than that i dont. i dont understand ahy this is different#hell i relapsed a few months ago and i couldnt bring myself to even say i cut myself again outright bc i didnt want to be bother#since when the hell have i put up the illusion of being ok on this blog why am i so comcerned#are my trust issues really that bad? am i really that worried everyone who cares about me will fold the second i inconveniene them?#g-d thats. yeah fuck no wonder my friends were insulted when i gave them a 6/10 for 'ppl i would talk to if i had issues'#that is insulting#and whats worse is that its a lie#6/10 should be over half i should tell them my problems about half of the time#i dont do it. ever#and usually thats not too bad because i unload wverything here anyways but now ive stsrted stopping kyself frkm doi g thst#i want help and attention and to stop being so svared but im too scared to ask for those#i had to drag myself out of bed to make rhis post bc if i left it till morning i wouldnt do kt#also thats why all the typos btw no glssses its dark and i stsrted crying at some point#i dont know if its just how ive been feeling lateky or if theres some truth to it but i feel like my text posts have been getting seen less#im honestly kinda really twrrified im gonna wake up and no one will have seen this post and im just gonna pretend to be ok#bevause i would i think i would really just give up#i dont know what gl do#ive never been this scaredwithout a discernable cause before#ive stsrted cryung way harder andb u dont even know why#i think i think thats more or lees everything off my chest#im gonna try to sleep
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Sometimes I really kind of envy you native English speakers who make writing and posting fics seem so fucking easy. With near perfect grammar and hardly any typos. Or those of you who are capable of writing & updating your fics whenever the muse hits you just right... and not like, once in six months. Actually, try two years lol.
Whereas me, a non-native speaker, who occasionally struggles even with basic English grammar:
I'm fine. Totally.
#personal#okay so i've been writing this one piece of fiction for a while now#actually two but i've seemed to put the other one on hold for a while at least#(i may have mentioned this already like five times during the past two weeks but my point is i'm still working on it)#many thanks to @ihni who recently gave me some words of encouragement <3 and ofc @catzy88 who gave me even more insp *saatananauru*#and i'm actually really kind of enjoying it because there's no pressure to write it and post it#i write it in small sections. whenever i feel like it. giving myself enough time to plan it and think about it. even getting new ideas#and for once i'm trying not to keep editing and fixing it as i go. i just write whatever crap comes to my mind and just let it flow#i try not to think about how many mistakes and typos i make because that way i'm never gonna get it finished#but at the same time... when it's finally time to go through it#fix typos. missing words. possibly poor grammar. i know i'm just gonna hate it so fucking much lmao#but i'm really trying my best here okay. and i'm trying not to rush it. for once#because i used to write like this as a teenager. when there was nowhere really to post your original stories (thank god for that)#so i did it in my notebooks. and i quite enjoyed it doing that way#and i'm not sure why i'm even rambling this because most of you are never gonna read it anyway lol. so who gives right#but it matters to me and i'm feeling good about writing again so here i am rambling about it. no matter if you care not. so cheers mateys <
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