#there are two other ocs who are probably happy about due to no longer being dead

[libartz]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making a YouTuber feel uncomfortable? 

Here me out please, before you all make assumptions. 

A couple months ago, I(19F) began following a YouTuber that I quickly began to love. I won’t be saying the YouTuber’s name for the sake of protecting their privacy, obviously. I started to watch their videos(which were mainly about a story that she came up with, featuring her ocs) and enjoyed them all, enjoyed the ocs, too. This YouTuber is a relatively unpopular one, but not so unpopular that they’re obscure or completely unheard of, they’re just not one of the big names in the YouTuber community. I made a few amazing friends due to us being in the same fandom and both enjoying this YouTuber’s content. One day, I decided to write a fanfic for this person’s story featuring her ocs. I uploaded the fic to AO3 and made sure to credit the YouTuber with creating these amazing ocs. I then showed it to my few friends, who all loved the fanfic. However, one day I made the mistake of showing the fic to a mutual friend(now an ex-friend but that’s a topic for another discussion) that me and the YT both share, and she sent the fanfic to the YT without my permission. Now before y’all get up in arms, I didn’t mind at all that she had sent it to the YT, in fact, I actually wanted the YT to see. However I really wish that she had asked me first, because I would have been more than happy to show it to them! Unfortunately, a few days after I sent it to her, my other friend(let’s call her M) showed me an announcement the YT made on her Discord, in which she complained about people writing fanfictions of her ocs and “using” them in her stories without her permission. She also stated that she felt like she was losing control of her story when other people wrote fanfics of it, and that whoever wrote the fanfiction “didn’t understand boundaries”(even though she didn’t have this boundary before and also wrote in the announcement that she used to be okay with fanfics of her work, but now no longer is). I deleted the fanfic the moment I saw the post from my friend, but I was a bit disappointed since I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable and only wanted to show my love and appreciation for her story, and possibly get more people to check out her story as well. Still, I deleted the fanfic from AO3. 

Now, here’s where things get interesting. A while later, I joined the YouTuber’s Discord server, where I met many people that I got along quite well with and quickly befriended. I often engaged in conversations with them about the story, and often drew fanart of my favorite character and posted it to the art channel in the server(she’s okay with fanart of her ocs, just not fanfics). Now is probably a good time to mention that while I was in the Discord server(and even before that) I often talked about the story with my friend on Tumblr(not M, these are two separate friends) who did not have Discord but loved the story just as much as I did. We often talked about the story and how much we enjoyed it, and often came up with jokes and headcanons, basic stuff like that, that any fan would do. Anyway, back to the Discord, one of the rules of the server was not to be disrespectful or rude or malicious towards other people, and another was that if you received two warnings about your behavior in the server then you would be quickly banned from the server and no longer allowed to come back. I understood this and tried to conduct myself to the best of my ability. However, one day, I found myself mysteriously unable to access the server, and when I tried to rejoin, I was again unable to. I found out that the reason I couldn’t access the server was because I had been banned due to “disrespectful behavior”, “engaging in arguments”, and making the YouTuber(who ran the server) uncomfortable. I was confused, because I genuinely don’t remember ever engaging in rude behavior with anyone. The few instances(according to them) in which I had been allegedly rude or disrespectful to people were both genuine misunderstandings, and both times I had apologized for them and did not repeat the behavior. I also did not receive any form of warning before being banned, despite one of the rules being that you will receive two warnings before being banned from the server. Still, I apologized for my alleged hostility and asked if I could come back, however the YouTuber said no, and went on to add that not only was I rude to people in the server(which, again, were both genuine misunderstandings), but that she had seen my Tumblr conversations with my friends in which I talked about her story, and said that she was “wildly uncomfortable” with how “obsessive” I was with it as well as my favorite character in the story. This bewildered me to no end because the YouTuber did not have Tumblr and had never once ever mentioned being on or having access to Tumblr, so I did not expect her to see my posts(and even if she did, I did not expect to get banned for them as they do not violate the rules of the server). It made me wonder why she didn’t just talk to me and explain to me that she was uncomfortable with me posting about her work instead of just banning me altogether and not giving me a chance to defend myself. I ended up sadly and reluctantly deleting all of my posts relating to her story, and requesting my friend to do the same. I told M about this scenario, and she was enraged on my behalf, saying that the YouTuber probably was actually upset about my having written a fanfic for her ocs, and said that she didn’t understand me being called obsessive because I acted like a normal fan would(which I agree with). Some of my other friends have sided with me as well and told me that the YouTuber was acting petty, however some of my friends have taken a middle ground. None of them entirely condemned me, but that may just be because they are biased and don’t want to hurt my feelings. The mutual friend/now ex-friend(of course) merely told me to “self-reflect” and move on from the story. Regardless, the YouTuber now has me blocked, not just on Discord, but on Instagram as well, where I also reside. 

Reasons why I think I might be the asshole: I will admit that I have a tendency to really hyperfixate on things and get especially attached to fictional characters that I adore and resonate with, so I can see why that would make them uncomfortable. That being said… 

Reasons why I think I might not be the asshole: I genuinely wasn’t trying to make this wonderful YouTuber feel uncomfortable or be “obsessive” with the story. I merely wanted to show my appreciation for it in a way that I thought was normal for online fans, which included writing a fanfic, drawing fanart, and geeking out about the story with my friends(admittedly publicly). I had no idea that these actions would turn the YouTuber off, and merely wanted to show how much I enjoyed the story. I also was never rude to anyone in the server and apologized whenever a misunderstanding rose up. I never tried to be aggressive with anyone or cursed anybody out or tried to have arguments with people, so I have no idea where that came from. 

So, what say ye, oh wise people of Tumblr? Am I the asshole or not?

What are these acronyms?

[calciferous-kelpie]

Hey btw if your ever in need of ranting about a blorbo/oc, this is an ask that tells your to do so. What is the most interesting thing about them? Do they have any symbolism to them and if so what is it about? Favorite ideal situation to put them in? Any romance ideas?

Anon, I want to start off by apologizing for taking EXACTLY A YEAR to reply to this! Happy One Year Anniversary! 💀😭 Obviously, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, trying to decide who I wanted to talk about and trying to put my thoughts into words. And, of course, it took even longer because I wanted to include drawings of the characters… 🤦‍♂️Anyway…

I’ve decided to talk about multiple characters of mine, since they are important for my upcoming comics: Boxman’s mother, father, and sister! I have some New™, Fresh™ information to share about all of them today! Hope you enjoy my ramblings!

MEREDITH (Boxman's Mother)

Most interesting thing: Hmm, well… the things I find most interesting about Meredith are kind of spoilers for my comics, but an interesting thing about her is her special ability! (“Every proper siren has one, darling.” 💅) It’s called Eye of the Storm, and it allows her to summon and control a raging thunderstorm at will. Obviously, this sort of thing takes a lot of energy to maintain, so this ability actually comes with a secondary feature: Meredith can occasionally choose a victim to steal the energy from, and all she has to do to steal said energy is to make direct eye contact with them. The lady’s got a mean glare as it is, but with this power on top of that? Wowza. Watch out.

Symbolism: Given my answer to the previous question, you won’t be surprised to know that I associate Meredith with storms! She is a passionate character with a wild side, and when she truly gets going, she will step aside for no one.

Favorite situation to put them in: Meredith is a complex character with a lot going on, and I don’t want to reduce her to just an antagonist… but MAN, does she make a good antagonist! 😆 I love to put her into situations in which she terrifies/intimidates other characters, and trust me, she will have a lot of chances to do that in the comics!

Romance ideas: Meredith isn’t much for romance. At least not anymore. Heron was her first love, and after her relationship with him went south, her trust in men was destroyed. (To be fair, it was shaky to begin with.) She has, however, made an attempt at another relationship or two for monetary reasons. If that even counts lol

HERON (Boxman's Father)

Most interesting thing: Heron has had a wide variety of experiences across his lifetime, and during that time, he has developed many, many skills. These skills include (but are not limited to): farming, fishing, sailing, cooking, baking, sewing, crochet, whittling, building, juggling, and playing the banjo! Just… don’t ask him to sing, okay?

Symbolism: Heron’s symbolism is… probably pretty obvious, huh? I mean… he’s got an anchor… tattooed… on his back… *ahem* Anyway. The anchor is connected to a lot of Heron’s positive attributes—loyalty and sturdiness being the main ones. But it is also connected to some of his character flaws and the way he views himself. In a way, Heron himself is an anchor, for all the good and bad that entails. ⚓

Favorite situation to put them in: Despite the immense amount of comic outlining and scriptwriting I’ve been doing for Siren Theory, I can say pretty confidently that any scene in which Heron interacts with Professor Venomous is one of my favorites. It’s partly due to the “meet the parents” trope, but the other part of it is that Heron is just an unusual guy who does unusual things, and having a stranger witness that firsthand is hilarious.

Romance ideas: While Heron has had his share of crushes in his youth, he has never been in a serious relationship with anyone but Meredith… and he would like to keep it that way. He still feels like he’s putting the pieces of himself back together after their messy separation.

REBECCA/SIRENA (Boxman's Sister)

Most interesting thing: I think the thing that I enjoy most about Rebecca is the duality in her personality. She is very charismatic and graceful onstage as Sirena, but offstage, when she’s just Rebecca, she can be pretty socially awkward and kind of a klutz.

Symbolism: Some of you may have made the connection already, but Sirena’s real name, Rebecca, is a nod to Rebecca Sugar, the creator of Steven Universe and the spouse of Ian Jones-Quartey (creator of OK KO). This name was actually a suggestion by my sister (Thanks, girlie!) because she knew Sugar sang the end credit song of OK KO, and that little song was one of my inspirations for creating Sirena in the first place. Since then, the name has really proven itself to be a perfect fit for my little superstar siren! The meaning of the name Rebecca is “to tie/bind,” and Rebecca really is the character that ties her family—and the narrative of a lot of the comics—together!

Favorite situation to put them in: My favorite moments for Rebecca are the ones in which she is emotionally vulnerable. It isn’t always easy for her, but there are some things that will happen in the comics that will force her to wear her heart on her sleeve. I’m excited for that!

Romance ideas: Honestly, I’ve come up with so many ideas for OK KO that I won’t have space for all of them in the narrative, even though I’m planning to create, like, 19 comics! 😂 One of those things that won’t get a lot of time in the spotlight is Rebecca’s developing romance with a certain someone. That being said, it wouldn’t be a big spoiler for me to say… Plazecca! 🎵

Thank you so much for asking, Anon! Truly, you have enriched my enclosure. 💖

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Interview Tag

Thanks for the tag, @willtheweaver (here)!

I'll go with Renn Atrius from Song of Thorns.

Were you named after anyone?

"I'm not sure. My parents weren't that close to their respective relatives, due to a myriad of reasons - the main one being that my maternal grandparents are vampire hunters, and my father was a vampire. You can imagine how uncomfortable the family meetings were. Dad said my name means 'honesty, love or benevolence' - I think it's a pretty great name."

When was the last time you cried?

"Hmm. I'm not sure to be honest. It was probably a while ago - I occasionally have nightmares about... well an incident, in my past. Those dreams do make me cry most times, but they have been few and far between lately, which is good."

Do you have any kids?

"None. I'm pretty young still for a dhampir - my current age is equivalent to 18 in human years, so I'm basically still a kid myself - and regardless, I've been too busy not being hunted by the people who want me dead and trying to rebel against the King to even consider something like that. I probably won't for a long time."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"Yes, all the time! Especially when I'm trying to annoy that fancypants asshat of a prince I have to travel with. That is priceless."

What is the first thing you notice about people?

"Let's see (starts listing the following with his fingers): if they're a Hunter, if they work for my psychopath of a grandfather, if they're another stupid villager ready to call a mob with torches and pitchforks to go after yours truly, and so on and so forth... There's a lot to consider when you're in my shoes. Other than that, I guess I try to notice their demeanor, a bit of their personality, and whether or not I'd like to waste my time talking to them."

What is your eye color?

"Light greyish brown, like my mother's. When I use my vampiric powers, my eyes glow a bright red, like blood but glowing like two little lanterns."

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings. I don't like the feeling of fear that much and the world is already horrifying enough for me to subject myself to more scares while reading fiction. Ha, if I wanted to endure something scary, I'd just have to tell a random villager I'm half-vampire or go out into the cursed woods alone. Happy endings are honestly my favorite thing about some books - they show us that no matter how bleak things may seem, there can be a brighter future ahead."

Any special talents?

"It depends. I'm a great swordfighter, have perfect aim with my bow and arrow, and am very agile - after my family was betrayed I survived mostly as a thief stealing from corrupt humans, so I had to learn how to climb things and be silent, which are also talents I consider special. Oh, and I can turn into either a giant bat or a really tiny one - transforming into a giant bat is easier and lasts for a longer period of time! My Dad taught me how to."

Where were you born?

"I was born in my family's manor in the vampiric lands, where I lived with my Dad until he was killed by a Hunter when I was around five years old, during a diplomatic visit to my human grandfather's lands."

Do you have any pets?

"Yes, I have a pet raven called Cornelius. I call him Corn for short! He's a little crazy bastard of a bird and I love his chaotic energy, haha."

What sort of sports do you play?

"I'm pretty active. I'm constantly running, climbing things, and fighting people who try to hurt me, so I guess that counts, plus I often fly around in my bat form, which is a great exercise for the arms (as they're my wings when I'm in my bat form). I also practice archery and sword fighting quite frequently!"

How tall are you?

"I'm honestly not sure. Probably 5.9ft. So around 179 centimeters? I think. I haven't had time to really measure my height if I'm being honest, haha."

What was your favorite subject in school?

"I was born a noble, so I would have had private tutors teach me instead of going to a traditional school like humans do - fey don't really do institutions like that, and learning from tutors and parents is the custom in vampiric and fey lands. But my Dad died when I was five - so I was orphaned and had to learn to survive on the run since the Hunters also wanted to kill me. I didn't really have that chance. Before that, it was my father who taught me how to read, write, and draw. He also used to teach me a lot about vampiric history and botany. When we visited my mother in the human lands she taught me a bit about sewing."

What is your dream job?

"I'm not sure. I would love to be an adventurer and help people whom the kingdom has forsaken, but I'm not sure if that counts as a job traditionally. If I manage to aid others during my lifetime in any way and make the world a better place than it was before, even if just a little bit, then that's enough for me."

Tagging (gently): @sleepy-night-child, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @oh-no-another-idea, @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @cowboybrunch, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart

@leave-her-a-tome, @writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @cakeinthevoid

@lassiesandiego, @thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams and OPEN TAG

[the-shy-wolf]

I’ll be posting this to Twitter tomorrow, but since I’m more active here, I’ll go ahead and post. To everyone who has supported me up to this point, I appreciate everything, more than you will ever know. Despite my claims of being an ‘edgelord’, I think it’s no secret that that’s absolutely not the case. I’m an incredibly sensitive person. So sensitive, in fact, that I’m easily stressed when it comes to certain things. I’ve been having to take frequent breaks from the internet due to my extreme levels of anxiety. My anxiety has been so bad, I now have seizures due to my stress levels being so high. Don’t worry, I am working with a therapist and psychologist with this, and with therapy and appropriate medication, I can beat it.

With that being said, I’m sorry to say I’m stepping away from the Deltarune fandom. I’m sad and extremely conflicted about it, because it was Deltarune that helped me make so many friends and meet so many people. This is my first time having a place in fandom, I was briefly involved in the Adventure Time fandom, but that was years ago and it was a brief thing. I’ve never had this many eyes on me, and it’s overwhelming. My time and the emotional investment I’ve been putting into fandom/art has felt like a second job, and I’m not okay with that. I originally started posting art, because I was inspired. It’s also helped me cope with the loss of my brother. But it’s no longer a coping method, it feels more like a chore and it no longer brings me happiness. I’ve been harassed by anon hate/criticisms mercilessly, and it’s taken a toll on me. I’m 30 years old, and if I have not developed a thick skin now, it’s safe to say I never will. Which is another thing I want to bring up: I no longer want to draw ship art of Deltarune characters, and that includes Kris and Susie. I’m tired of the shipping discourse/hate, and to be honest, I don’t want to only be known for shipping characters from a game. I think it’s made people not take me seriously as an artist at all, and it’s no longer enjoyable. I started shipping the characters because they both reminded me of my partner and I, but now, it’s all anyone ever relates my work to, and that includes oc’s. It’s frustrating. I’m a short, brown headed enby. Bram is a big freckled long haired dude. My ocs look like us. Please stop mixing the two- it ain’t that deep.

I’m sorry if this came out of the blue, but after receiving my diagnosis yesterday, I need to cut back on my stress levels, and a lot of that stress stems from fandom. Will I draw DR in the future? Maybe. Especially once new content is dropped. Idk if it will be shipping, but it’ll be something. I will, of course, continue to support all of my art friends. You’ve been nothing but kind and supportive of me, and despite my absence, I care very, very much. So much, in fact, I isolate myself from everyone because I don’t feel worthy to associate or even share my art. I know that’s a shitty excuse, but it’s true. There is a voice in my head that keeps telling me I’m not worthy to even associate. If this disappoints my friends/supporters, I’m so very sorry. It’s how my brain has always worked.

I also want to apologize for leaving my other sm accounts. I was not trying to worry or cause panic. I don’t think too many people even noticed, which is good. It’s not the first time I’ve deactivated. My hands get busy and sometimes deactivating and stepping away is a good reset button for me. But I wanted to throw all of this out there. I’m sorry if this is disappointing or upsetting, but I want to be honest. About all of it.

Thank you for reading, again- I’m so sorry. I’ll probably reactivate and post this message to Twitter tomorrow.

[spirits-art-blog]

Finally done! Ever since I revamped my old fnaf ocs I've wanted to make nice looking refs for them, unfortunately life + other interests meant that they were all made months apart. Some of them are a little inconsistent cus of this, such as Star's mascot design not fitting the other mascots due to me designing her first; however I'm still happy with how all of these came out.

If you're interested in hearing quite a bit about the story of these guys then feel free to read below :)

The main setting is a theme park known as Mirror Creek! Mirror Creek acts as a fun getaway for children and their families while also sprinkling in some education about the animals living in the world around them. The park is split into 6 sections; three of them being an arctic environment with "large mountains" and a snowy atmosphere, a savanna environment that also hosts some of the most thrilling rides in the park, and the main plaza which is filled with the many "houses" that belong to the characters living in the park as a well as a grand stage for regular performances.

Speaking of characters, there's quite a few of them at the park. Mirror Creek has quite a diverse cast that can either be found wandering the different areas or at their own themed attractions, some of these characters include an old polar bear who tells stories and two loch ness monster styled siblings that take turns as the guides to a submarine ride. However the most popular characters are the main band that represent the park: Star the wolf, Spirit the bunny, Lissa the squirrel, and Astro the eagle!

Star is the guitarist of the band, however she will take the lead or duo in certain songs. While meeting guests, Star acts as the cool older sister type and encourages kids to be more active. Spirit is her best friend and the two can be found walking together.

Spirit is the lead singer of the band and has a very bubbly and extroverted personality. When talking to kids, she can easily match their energy and loves giving big hugs. She also like to blurt out random facts.

Lissa is the bassist of the band, giving back up vocals whenever needed. While she was never programmed to, when walking around to meet guests Lissa will commonly talk about engineering, while this does intrigue some kids, many end up a bit lost once she gets into more detail. Workers have started accompanying her when roaming in order to stop her in case she might reveal the robotics of all the characters to children.

Astro is the drummer of the band, he's also the least likely to add vocals during performances. He acts more relaxed when meeting guests and can give a quote to just about any book you can think of, as long as it's appropriate for children. He usually uses these quotes to try and give quick moral lessons to the kids he meets, as well as encouraging them to read more.

All of the main band perform twice a day, with special events having certain exceptions, such as holidays or guest stars. And unlike the other characters at the park, the band is not restricted to one specific area.

As you've probably noticed, the characters Satya and Carter are not part of the band. These two are siblings that are restricted to the savanna area of the park, where their themed ride is located. The two are pilots that travel around the world, Satya loves the thrill of adventure while Carter worries about staying away from danger. The two of them teach kids to be curious and how to be safe doing it.

This went on a bit longer than I thought so I'll leave the actual fnaf horror for another post. :)

[masschase]

SR Boss Asks Answers

I realised how much space long reblogs take up on the reblog page (yeah, I'm new to tumblr) so I've copied this onto a new post.

But yeah, did them all, and I implore anyone who wants to talk about their Boss to do these, because even if no-one reads it, it was fun. There were a couple of things I didn't really think about, like the #16 Casey-cat moment which is my new favourite thing.

#17 is something I've just done a longer post on.

Apologies for formatting issues.

1.What’s their backstory? Cassandra ‘Casey’ Michaiła Clark was born in Stilwater. Her dad left when she was very young citing that he couldn't handle two kids. Ofc he leaves and has two kids with his new wife and barely sees Casey and her sister. He later claims he wanted to leave their mom, not them. Her sister rightfully points out that for all her flaws, their mom never actually stopped him seeing them so that's on him.

Her mom was from a slightly more affluent background than her dad (they met in college but dropped out when her mom got pregnant) and they were scraping by until he left. After that, her mom worked very hard to maintain the appearance to the outside world that they were not struggling with money, even though it sent them into debt. She was always very judgemental and religious, but also had a genuine anxiety disorder. She eventually got addicted to Xanax and would drag Casey with her to make excuses like that she'd flushed her last lot down the toilet/took them to school and they got confiscated etc.

It got to the point where she was pretty checked out and Casey's sister had to make sure they were getting to school on time, that there was food on the table etc.. When she was 14, her sister left home and this derailed her pretty bad.

Her best friend Mori(OC: Moriarty Alleyne- hoping to post more about him soon)'s mom Angela was instrumental in taking care of her from about the age of 12. She always made sure Casey was fed when at her house and gave her some of Mori's old clothes when she outgrew her sister's hand-me-downs. She did try to help where she could but wasn't fully aware of the situation for a long time. Even though Mori's friendship with Casey became a little strained due to his girlfriend disliking her, Angela would still invite her around.

When Casey was 15 her mom caught her making out with a girl she liked and it led to her mom throwing her out of the house. She stayed with Mori and Angela for two weeks straight but Angela started saying Casey should go check on her mom, and offers to go with her- having realised by this point that drugs are involved she's worried her mom might have OD'ed (Casey doesn't realise that's why until years later). Casey assures her she has been in contact with her mom (technically she has been, she's been sent texts about repenting her sins and guilt trips about leaving her at home the whole time) and pretends to go home but obviously can't.

So instead she finds herself on Saints Row at a really stupid time of night and… well, you know… Saints Row happens.

2. How old were they when they first joined the Saints? Fifteen, almost sixteen. Weird little angry kid born 29th June 1990. I think she has pretty obvious millenial tastes and tendencies. I find the post-SRIV dynamic pretty fascinating actually. She probably has a lot more in common with Pierce and Shaundi who I hc as similar ages compared to Johnny who is xennial, Kinzie and Asha who I think are borderline millenial/gen z, and 110% zoomer Matt. Then you've got Keith and Ben complaining that the ship is ran by kids and CID, Jane and Jezebel being extreme outliers to the whole thing.

3. Did they have a happy childhood? I mean overall she says it wasn't terrible. She had some nice moments with her sister. Kinzie calls her backstory "tragic" when she hears it and Casey disagrees calling it "just, y'know, a bit shitty". She heard stories of other kids going through physical and sexual abuse, she saw how Mori was affected by his dad's death and had to help him through some very dark times with his depression. She doesn't class her borderline sociopathy as a mental health issue until much later on. She starts therapy around the time the Saints rise to fame, around 2012-2013.

4. Do they have any siblings? Yes, she has a sister called Phoebe who is approximately 4 years older than her and as above, pretty much had to raise her. She left home when she was 18 which led Casey to feel pretty abandoned all over again, especially because she didn't fully understand her reasons.

5. Did they graduate high school? What about college? No, she dropped out of high school. She had plans to study English Literature at college had she got that far. She held on to school for almost a year after Phoebe left, still scraping Bs, but eventually it all took its toll. She got a job as a dishwasher in a small restaurant. If it wasn't for stealing food off of plates for a few months she wouldn't have had the muscle mass for the physical strength she displays in the first game.

6. What’s their sexuality?She self-defines as bisexual. Later she wonders if it should be pansexual. She didn't know what pan was in like 2003 when she was figuring it out, but either would fit her. Equally she would describe herself as panromantic but many of her friends assume she is fraysexual or otherwise arospec based on her choices around relationships.

7. What do they look for in a partner? She doesn't. She ignores or downright avoids that sort of interaction if possible. Suddenly becomes fucking mute again if she tries to talk about feelings. But she seems to be romantically attracted to people that are quite physically affectionate because she is very friendly emotionally but has trouble initiating non-sexual physical contact.

She does have the odd short-term partner, but tends to be drawn to people she doesn’t like all that much as something in her brain knows it won't last (talking days, I think her longest was like 10 days for many years). She has a lot of one-night stands/other casual hookups.

8. Are they currently dating anyone? Currently when? ;) Throughout the games, no, unless it’s a matter of days as described above. She's capable of romantic attraction but as above, doesn't want a relationship for practical reasons (actually fear) because a partner could be used against her.

9. Who do they love most in the world? Her friends. They are her family. She is unwavering on that. This doesn't change when she gets a partner or meets a blood relative from the pods. But it does shift a little some time in 2024.

10. Is there someone from their past they will never forgive?

Her parents. Anyone who contributes to the several deaths of her friends also but the difference there is that she doesn't let them live. So no need to forgive them. Hell she only considered letting Matt live because he reminded her of herself when she got dragged into the gang life at 15-16. The upgrades just sealed the deal.

11. What is their favorite food? Mori and his mom are Bajan-American so Barbadian food is a comfort food for her, especially salt fish and macaroni pie. Unfortunately none of the lieutenants stationed with her are of that heritage, so she often seeks out Carribean restaurants while still on earth. Phoebe's pecan pie is also a comfort, it was their grandma's recipe but she died when Casey was 6 and Phoebe was 9-10. Casey has the recipe but can't cook anything besides like frozen pizzas, instant ramen etc. She eventually tries to make the pie and realises burnt pecan pie is still good pecan pie! Despite this, lemon meringue pie is her favourite dessert. When the nice manager was on shift at the restaurant she would sneak her a piece every night. She also has a soft spot for fries because when she the dishwasher in the diner they were the easiest things to eat off plates before scraping them. Also pieces of burgers and ribs.

12. What are their pet peeves? She gets really restless when waiting on someone. Like she'll say meet at 2 and by the time Johnny gets there by 2.03 she's been pacing back and forth for five minutes. She doesn't mind all the gang being sarcastic with each other but if they all start talking each other at once she usually has to silence them. She is open to being called out on things like her white cis privelege or some of the hetronormative bias instilled by her background but she doesn't much like being challenged on some of her more bullshit 'rules' or lieutenants pushing back on her decisions once she's made them. She does eventually mature out of the latter.

13. What are some of their fears? Her biggest fear is losing someone she cares about. Unfortunately she's frequently had to live it. This is one of the things that contributes to her feelings on relationships.

14. How do they deal with injuries? Major: the Saints have a heavily bribed doctor in Stilwater, Steelport and DC. Minor: She usually asks Johnny to bandage if needed bc everyone else is too slow and gentle. Then more or less runs and hides until she's feeling better.

15. What is the MOST embarrassing moment in their life? That time she almost slow danced with Josh Birk at the 4th of July party is certainly up there.

16. Are they a cat or dog person? Cat, I think. I think she wouldn't have thought of herself of much a pet person in general because she grew up without any and she assumes she'd be too lazy to take care of them. But then she goes to a friends house who has a cat. Maybe Mori(which would be funny because his mom affectionately compares Casey to a stray cat). And she doesn't really know how to react around them so she's just kind of like "Sup.". Then the cat just kind of comes and sits on her lap and she's like… oh… warm! Soft. You are my new homie now.

17. Beside the 1950s sitcom, what else would their hell be?Again, just losing all the people she cares about. The only reason that was not her simulation is because Zinyak/the system he uses has a very shallow understanding of the human psyche, not surprising because Zin have a very conscious mind compared to humans where a lot is subconscious. This makes them fairly intelligent but also means they can adapt to changes due to their time travel easily because they just go "oh, a memory has changed.". See also: Pierce's simulation. Maybe everyone's.

18. Which death affects them the most? (Besides Johnny)

Oh this is different because they all impact such different areas of her life. Lin’s death probably had the greatest impact on her actions as a leader.She becomes very front-and centre/self sacrificing because of Lin.

On a more personal level I was going to say Carlos because she had pretty strong feelings for him but actually it's Aisha. Watching how her best friend, who she looks up to more than anyone and basically wanted to be, was just walking around with a piece of him missing really solidified her fear of relationships and anger at the injustice of life and death; things she might have otherwise grown out of/conquered with therapy.

19. What is their favorite music? She likes a pretty wide range of music because she doesn’t want to let anyone down by not following their recommendations and always finds at least one song she likes from the artists they like. Not taking that into account, she really likes '80s shit' and also ska but as a 00s teen she went through the pop punk phase pretty hard too.

20. What are some of their hobbies? Reading, definitely. Almost every spare moment when she gets to the stage where there are spare moments. In high school, Yu-Gi-Oh cards were big for her. Tbh she is pretty nerdy but because she's so technologically challenged her friends don't seem to pick up on that. I feel like in an AU 2020 she would get really into cottagecore during the pandemic then get really pissed because she can't bake or draw or knit.

[a-student-out-of-time]

Since everyone is explaining the characters for the inspiration for the ocs i’ll do mine for me self-insert/Persona, Aliza! >:3

Sailor moon: as it was my childhood anime as a kid, the outfit for Aliza was a manor inspiration from this as well as some of her power, heck she even has a moon hairpin as well, not to mention her being the leader of the moon tree gang.

Mafuyu:as she’s a major kin of mine (unfortunately-) due to the emotional, mental, and physical abuse from her dad’s side of the family, she ends up losing who she really was and put on the facade she looks happy on the outside but inside?

she hates herself and wants nothing more then to uh die, due to all the years of doing this she’s no longer sure who she is…if she’s actually Aliza or just a fake Aliza. However she warms up to her friends and slowly lets the facade down..hardly smiling a lot and her eyes looking flatout dead she thinks she won’t be saved but she still hopes…just for this pain heartache to stop just for once

Sakura: okay a good chunk of us probably know her well from cardcaptor sakura however Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle was also a childhood anime of mine it is also where most of Aliza’s power come from, as well as the multiverse idea. While despite the pain Aliza is going though she still shows kindess to everyone else and sometimes give them a 2nd chance cause…that’s just how she is.. it’s what her friends and others like about her after all

Furina: oh well this is gonna be a roller coaster- like furina, Aliza is a human who has ties to a god, who Aliza is Both a reincarnation AND descendant of. While she’s able to communicate with the last fragment of the god, both Aliza and the god look the same and such making her look recognizable for some…certain people-

Chiaki nanami: So asides from the fact she loves video games, she was alone till she ran into the one person who became her friend later on, while such she always managed to bring everyone together as a group, of course Aliza herself doesn’t realize this as she’s passionate about anything

Nikki: i would’ve choose Tohru from fruit baskets but she pretty much covered the other two in the list so i went with Nikki-

Like nikki, Aliza cares deeply about her friends and lover (depending on who it is but still the same-) and is also selfless as she can and will put herself into dangerous situations as long as it meant that her friends are safe, though while she ends up losing some in the past she doesn’t want to lose another one, so she’s very selfless.

Alright that’s all my hands hurt so heh ;w; gotta go back to writing

//That's all really cool! Ty for sharing ^^

[btscontentenjoyer]

I love the way you describe Yoongi in the warnings because yes 😭😭😭

"In your relationship with Jungkook, there was nothing to decide. You didn’t have to choose to be happy; he just made you happy. As long as you were with him, every house was a home. Until he pulled the rug and you reverted to being that little kid again, on the ground with bloodied knees. He was the calm, and he was the storm." I truly love the metaphors you use to describe OC's emotions and how she feels about the past she shares with Jungkook. And as I think I said before, lines like these hit harder in juxtaposition to the way OC often tries to act okay and unbothered on the outside.

"It wasn’t until Taehyung and Jimin took away your most effective distraction that you started choosing again. If your mother made you choose to feel, then Jungkook made you do the opposite. He taught you that maybe your mother wasn’t so wrong after all. Maybe she’d been hurt before. Maybe she was only keeping you from having to experience it. Maybe this was how she loved you." 😔😔😔 This just makes her acting so cold toward Jungkook now make even more sense. I mean, of course he hurt her and that's enough of a reason already, but she had a hard time being vulnerable before him too, and just when she let her guard down with someone, he broke her heart. Now with her reinforced belief that being vulnerable brings you pain, I can't imagine how hard it will be for her to let her guard down again.

"Funny enough, right across the street is the healing, but you’ve never really been able to get close to it. With every step you take, the distance seems to stretch longer and longer, until you’re just running in place trying to get to the other side. Eventually, you get tired of trying, and even though the hurt is a hellscape purely designed to make you suffer, you think you would rather go back to that house than be stuck in the hollow limbo in the middle of nowhere, looking at a better future just within reach but never really getting there. It’s cold in the void, and it’s warmer in the hurt because there, at least it’s familiar." What a beautiful and evocative way to explain why it's so hard to move on from the things that have hurt us sometimes!!

"You know that it’s there. It’s all about making the active decision to move forward. But the brighter future that awaits you just ahead is one without Jungkook, and… you’ve never been sure if you really want that." As a person who already has a little soft spot for Jungkook, this makes me feel hopeful 🥺 But it's also really sad that OC has lived with this for so many years, unable to quite move on.

"Not once has he addressed the elephant in the room, which you suppose isn’t something you can complain about. You don’t want him to bring it up either, the fact that you once knew him better than anyone in the world, and he knew you. You all know how that story ended. Actually, you don’t. You just know that it ended." The last two lines 😭😭😭

“Hey, kiddo,” Yoongi greets you, his voice even and cool though he’s sporting the same bright smile as you are. His hair is longer than the last time you saw him. He looks even more handsome than you remember. “Long time no see. How’s my favorite poet doing?” Okaaaay hi Yoongi.

"And Yoongi understands you in ways that Jungkook would have if he had been there." This 😭😭😭😭😭 I feel like Jungkook is about to see that and it's going to hurt him a lot.

“Oh come on, it’s a joke. Lighten up, buddy,” Yoongi finally says. That grin is still on his face, and his tone is almost patronizing. “Jeez, this guy must be fun at parties.” On the one hand, I realise Jungkook is probably due some of this for what he put OC through, but as a person who gives the benefit of the doubt always, I feel kinda bad for him too 😭 It's like funny to see him pissed off but also brings out a little pity in me too 😭

"He rubs his palms and clasps them together. “Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’ll put him through the wringer, but I’ll keep your name out of it. No one will know about your history. Let Jungkook think I’m just an asshole, I don’t care.” This will be interesting…

"You want to say… Yes, we were close. We were close in the same way that the name of someone’s first love can be inscribed on their heart and never fade away. If you could hold my beating heart in your hands, and if you had a key to open it, I think you would find his initials there. The letters might be messily scribbled, might be crossed out by harsh lines of ink and rewritten again in a different font, but they’re still there, and they will always be there." Beautiful!! Heartbreaking for sure, but so so beautiful!! With lines like these, how can you not sympathise with and hurt alongside OC 🥺

"You don’t answer right away, though you knew this question was inevitable. How do you feel about it? The fact that Namjoon didn’t actually have a family emergency when he dropped Jungkook at your apartment when the three of you were supposed to brainstorm together. The fact that when they pulled up in front of your building, Jungkook told Namjoon that he could go home if he wanted to, that Jungkook didn’t want to make him work on a day off. The fact that despite Namjoon saying it was completely fine, Jungkook practically insisted that he go home." Ooooop 😳😳😳 Jungkook is making movessss

"To not say anything at all and have the nerve to act like he cares about you. It’s… cowardly. He’s still continuing to hurt you by doing this. You always thought you deserve better than this." 😭😭😭

“You’re not going to die alone. You have me.” Okay Taeee. Can't tell if he's a real ride or die or just in love with OC lmaooo.

Well, with Yoongi now in the picture, maybe Jungkook might get a little push 👀👀 But also it makes his life harder too, and OC's as well. And she for sure doesn't need any more complications 😭😭😭

our beloved summer | jjk (03)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, obs3 is kinda oc centric 🤔, a mention of death but like a hypothetical death??, mentions of being *emotionally* haunted, taehyung almost dies 😭, someone so hot and cocky and petty that you might die, oh and tswift references because obviously

rating: PG-13

word count: 7.8k

note: asdfghjkl it’s been a hot minute guys. this was supposed to be longer but i decided last minute that some bits would probably work better in obs4, so no jimin and hobi today 🤥

vote for the revenge 🍆 😈 here before obs4!

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long ‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

Cardigan - Taylor Swift

Keep reading

[mareenavee]

I would love to send a battery-based OC ask, but I'm at 77% rn and there seems to be no question for this number xD

Soooooo made up question: who's your current oc rotating like a kebap? I'm a relatively recent follower, so I'd love to get to know them :D

OH. THEY REALLY DID FORGET ONE. I did not notice this. Thank you, then, for having just the right battery percentage! And thank you in general for following :D

The game is here, for the rest of inquiring minds (:

I would of course be happy to talk about my OCs. I talk a LOT about Nyenna, because she's the protagonist of my Skyrim fic, The World on Our Shoulders.

Some basics about her then for a new follower!

(Here's a longer post of character details if you were short on reading material :D)

She's a Bosmer who is roughly 32, which in my fic universe for simplicity's sake is roughly the equivalent of a human's age 21 life stage. So she's a young legendary hero, in the grand scheme of things.

She's quite short. Bosmeri folk are, usually, game engine depending. She's about 5'2, if that. Most people tower over her. She is a little taller than her mother, though. She's a bit willowy especially at first, but ends up training and fighting a lot as the Dragonborn, by necessity, and eventually looks a little less fragile.

She is a bit pale. Her skintone is even with a bit of a warm pink undertone. No freckles or anything like that. She's got silvery-blonde hair that is very curly, though she braids it protectively. Her eyes are bright orange with dark sclera.

She wears mage robes and/or Elven hunter armor, depending on the situation.

She is rather stubborn generally speaking, and this gets a bit more obvious as the story progresses, especially as she begins to believe she's the only one who can save people due to the expectations of being the Dragonborn that are kind of squarely placed on her shoulders.

Some random facts, as well? Yes, sure!

If she was from our real life timeline, her favorite band/artist would probably be Sara Bareilles. Maybe specifically this song.

She has been stabbed by a vampire, and would absolutely stab one back given the opportunity.

Her favorite food is probably snowberry crostata. It's her favorite thing to stress bake, after all, and it makes the house smell amazing.

She really hates having to fight multiple skeevers at once. One or two, fine. But a pack of the things? YUCK. No.

She has a decent singing voice, and once sang a traditional song in Bosmeris with two others in the Bannered Mare while the bard was passed out drunk.

She misses Valenwood most of the time, especially Haven. It was the calm before the storm for her, and every step of her journey so far has only been false respites before upheaval again.

I could honestly ramble :D But this might be enough of a post for now! Please feel free to browse this tag here if you wanted a few more snippets of writing or want to know more about Nyenna and the fic universe in general. Thank you for sending such a nice ask!

[visceravalentines]

anyway this turned into a longer rant than intended lol

tfw ur so desperate for attention/validation you straight up send your stuff to friends and still don't get feedback or anything

like imagine having 9 reblogs and 7 are yours

tbh might as well rename my blog to something pleasenoticemeimdesperate

sorry having a meh day

then seeing that other writers nice fics don't get reblogs, and some are thinking of just leaving tumblr completely due to that

not like I'm writing atm anyway lmao

I think I haven't really written since like 2018

I just feel like no one cares

the worst is when I look back and see things from back when other friends still cared about my OCs and writing cause due to that I know what it feels like to have at least one or two people be into your stuff

also and this is probably kinda selfish but it does kinda hurt to see writers stopping to write or post on here due to little interactions when you're one of the people who do reblog lmao

makes me even feel bad for not reblogging or reading stories from fandoms I don't care about

My dude, I feel you, and I am so sorry you feel this way. I've been thinking about the reading/writing community on here a lot lately too. It really feels like people are accustomed to endless content for absolutely no effort on their part, an algorithm that just hands them things they like over and over and all they have to do is say "yes please."

I try hard to leave comments and reblog fics because I know how exciting those notes are. At the same time, it can feel kind of daunting to be responding to everything I interact with and hoping that it's meaningful and doesn't come across wrong and if it does, it will stand out bc it's one of the few.

Ultimately I try to write what I want to write for myself, so that even if no one else likes it, I still do. That being said, anyone who says you don't need any readership to feel fulfilled as a writer is crazy to me, because why write if not to have someone read it? We're all here looking for interaction, love, don't feel ashamed of that.

I don't have a solution for you, but to you and any of my writer friends, please consider this an open invitation to tag me when you post work or even message me to say you just wrote something and you want it to be read! I am more than happy to help build this writer community however I can. And to the readers, we LOVE you! We love to hear anything you have to say, anything at all! Keysmash even, those are good. Anything to let us know we're not just screaming into the void.

[lubdubsworld]

Change of Heart

Pairing : Taehyung x OC

[ Summary :

Times are changing.

After years of being oppressed, werewolves are taking a stand against humans , demanding equal rights and fair treatment. Heading the movement is Kim Taehyung, the breathtaking heir to the Kim fortune and one of the few remaining Alpha werewolves in the country. His disdain for the human race is well known and well warranted. They killed his family after all…..

He wants to change the world , to put humans in their place but when his five year old daughter takes a shine to their very human neighbor , maybe he has to start with a change of heart , first.  ]

Pairing : Taehyung x OC

Genre : Romance, Explicit Content.

Warnings : None. ( Some mild violence but mostly off screen )

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

Chapter 4

The Preserve had originally been an isolated island about 50 miles off the coast of the mainland.  Over the decades, the land had been expanded with man made floats serving to support the extra buildings and complexes that cropped up to cater to the small human population that stuck around to help out. 

The wolves still kept to the interiors, most of them having built huge cottage-villas which could house the entire pack, territories marked out clearly to avoid disputes. A few of the very traditional ones lived on the huge mountains that lined the northern end, opting to stay in their wolf-forms most of the time. 

The island itself was beautiful, rich vegetation , a thriving fauna and a landscape that was lined with beautifully stark cliffs up high and private little coves and beaches scattered below. 

Taehyung and his daughter lived on a beautiful beach side villa, which had its own vegetable garden , a staff of over 8 to take care of everything, a private jetty for trips to the mainland and a helipad/ airstrip. 

True to his word, Taehyung did not stay around most days. He was busy with his campaign and I spent the first week recovering. The doctor visited everyday and by the end of the week, most of the internal injuries were healing well, the pain well managed with meds.

Luna had moved into my room, pretty much and I spent the days with her curled into my side, reading from her favorite books, stopping when she encountered a particularly difficult word, ebony eyes turning to mine for help. We read countless books, and she introduced me to all her best friends : Mr. Ted the bear, Kihyun the bunny and Momo the panda. The stuffed animals had a small baby carrier of their own and she liked carting them all around the house. 

“She was really pretty. Mama....” Luna whispered one night, as we lay curled on the window seat in my room, a fur throw covering us up as we stared out into the rocky beach far below. 

I felt my heart lurch in shared grief. 

“Was she? What else do you remember about her....?” I asked softly.

“Her scent. “ Luna said quickly. “ She smelled just like you. Like home and fresh cookies with sugar sprinkles. And rainy puddles you can jump in.” 

I bit my lips, mindful that Luna was just listing her favorite things. I didn’t know much about how weres scented other weres or humans. But i supposed it made sense that her mother’s scent should remind her of things that offered her comfort and joy. 

But her next words threw me for a loop. 

“Daddy didn’t like her much....” She said suddenly and I felt my throat close up . 

“Oh-Oh?” I was genuinely shocked. Taehyung had looked devastated when he had told me about his wife’s passing.... 

Luna shook her head. 

“My friend from school, Mina? Her mommy’s still alive and her daddy likes her. They kiss and stay in the same room. Mommy and Daddy never kissed. Mommy lived on the east wing.... That’s on the other side. Near the rose gardens.”

I bit my lips, feeling incredibly guilty for some reason. This information felt somehow private and not for stranger’s ears. I didn’t want Luna to get into trouble for saying this to me . 

“I miss her sometimes. I’m glad you’re here.” She sniffled and i felt my heart crack in two. The girl was replacing her mom with me, I thought miserably. I couldn’t in good conscience let this happen. 

But as the days stretched into weeks, with Taehyung out and busy most of the time, i couldn’t bring myself to leave. Luna did appear to be calmer, more grounded and happier with me around. She liked staying close to me, at touching distance and she often buried her nose into my neck, sniffing till I had to gently pry her off. 

Although, absent physically, Taehyung called every day. He facetimed his daughter twice at least and I got a call every night at exactly nine. It was usually curt and formal but he did tell me what he was upto.

“The elections are coming up soon.... I need to work a bit more on the immediate reforms we’re planning to launch...I won’t be available this week, Luna’s keeping well?” 

“Yes, she is. We made a modern recreation of red riding hood and the wolf today with play dough.” 

Silence.

“Interesting choice of fairy tale, Mi Rae ssi...” He drawled. 

I flushed at how my name sounded in that voice.

“It’s a bit different plot wise. In this case, the granny is just a meanie who likes to order Red about and the wolf is the one who rescues her.” I grinned.

He chuckled amicably.

“Bit of a stretch , that. But I’m glad you’re happy. I didn’t want to pressure you too much and i know its asking way too much of you . But Ms. Lee says that Luna is happier than she’s ever been and I do believe you’re the one I have to thank for that. “

I bit my lips. I wanted to tell him that Luna was getting way too attached. That I was afraid of what would happen when it was time for me to leave, but already i could hear voices in the background, people calling for his attention and I remembered that he was doing something important.

 He was trying to build a better world for his little girl. 

In the long run, all of this would be for Luna’s benefit only. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

it had been nearly a month since I’d last seen Taehyung . A whole three months since I’d moved into his villa. My paycheck as a nanny was three times what I was paid as a lab tech. But I hadn’t stopped working at the research facility either. I spent the days there, when Luna was busy with her school work . The vaccine had been successful but somehow, my father’s company had pulled some sort of nonsense with the patenting and not everyone had got the shorts. 

I stared out into the murky blue waters as they crashed into the jagged black rocks that lined the private beach. The huge bay windows in the living space offered an unfettered view of the rocky beach. 

Next to me, Luna was pretty much bouncing around, trying to find all her beach day toys. I watched her fondly, feeling something squeeze my heart when I thought about not seeing her again. The elections were done, the results were due any day now and Taehyung had already told me that he was looking to end this arrangement soon. 

Luna had a mind like no other. A vibrantly curious child with the most incredible questions, it was clear that she adored her father more than anything else in the world. In the evenings, she liked to play near the small water inlet that fed into the Ocean. The water was shallow, barely an inch or so deep, the terrain covered in small smooth pebbles in every shade of brown of grey.  

Luna and I  spent most of the weekends exploring the small beach around the villa, foraging around in the coves while her caregiver watched me covertly from a distance. She clearly didn’t trust me much, but I tried not to let it get to me.

I wasn’t here to stay. Taehyung had sent me a mail the previous week, letting me know that I was no longer had to babysit, because he was planning to move to Seoul himself. He would be renting out a condominium there and hiring a full time nanny. 

And that was fine. it wasn’t like i hadn’t seen that coming. I had a life of my own and i had to get back to it. My cottage near the research facility was fixed now and I was looking forward to getting back to my life, no matter how much it hurt to leave Luna behind. 

 I was a little upset that he had sent an impersonal mail to me instead of talking to me in person. Or maybe spoken about it over the phone at least. But I knew that he was just trying to make it easier for me to cut all ties. 

Okay, fine, maybe I was a little bit bitter that Taehyung hadn’t even offered to hire me to take care of Luna .  I wasn’t qualified , yes, but so far Luna had been a dream to stay with. She was so inquisitive and bright, so full of sunshine and happiness. 

After three months of her unconditional love for me,  the idea of not coming home to her vibrant laugh and endless giggles, it just felt so painful. 

“Rae Rae, let’s gooooo....” Her voice broke me out of my thoughts . Despite endless protests from Ms. Lee, Luna insisted on calling me Rae Rae and I found it adorable. 

I jumped a little, hastily moving to grab the sunscreen, the hat and gloves. While Luna did heal quickly courtesy her wolf-y genes, she was also incredibly prone to sunburn. The first few times, she had promptly shifted into her wolf form when i tried to put it on her, snipping my fingers angrily. The chemical was supposed to be unscented but her sensitive nose had clearly picked it up anyway. 

It took a lot of bribing with delicious meat patties and steak bites, for the girl to shift back and let me apply it on her.

But now she was comfortable with letting me apply it on her when we went to the beach. 

She picked up her backpack, a baby blue fur lined affair with twin bunny ears near the handle , and the small tote bag full of her collection of seashells and skipped out of the room happily. I finished packing the rest of her beach stuff : towels, napkins, hair pins and a change of clothes just in case. 

We were just climbing down the huge stairwell, when Taehyung’s voice rang through the foyer, startling me badly. i hadn’t seen him in a long time and against my better judgement I almost half ran back to put some make up on at least. I probably looked like an ogre with smeared sunscreen and my hair uncombed and in a bun. 

“Lu - Lu? Baby???” He called out, his deep voice pretty much reverberating off the walls .

“DAAAADAAAAAA” 

I watched her almost tumble headlong the stairs in her rush to get into her father’s arms and I hung back, letting them have their reunion. 

I waited till Taehyung called out for me, before moving to greet him as well. 

The first thing that stuck me was how incredibly handsome he looked, hair now fully black, swept straight back from his forehead. He was dressed in skinny jeans and a loose black shirt, buttons undone to show the lines of his pecs and a pair of dangly earrings caught the light as he turned to stare at me. 

“Mi Rae ssi....i see you’re all ready for Beach day?” He grinned softly.

There was something radiant about him, a definite lack of anxiety. He looked relaxed almost.

“You won?” i blurted out. “ You won didn’t you?”

Taehyung’s eyes glinted .

“Its not officially announced yet, but yes, the Commission called me today . They think I’ve won by a landslide.

Before I could rethink my impulse, I flung myself into his arms, genuinely thrilled beyond belief.

“RThat’s so incredible, Taehyung ssi...i’m so happy for you and-”

“Tae? Should I get the other suitcase?” 

The female voice made me jolt, and I pulled away, arm still arapped around his neck, intensely aware of his hands on my waist.

Three feet away from us , stood an incredibly beautiful young woman. She was almost as tall as Tae, probably the same age as him and her eyes flashed red when she looked at me. 

I flinched, stepping back like i’d been scalded.

“Just leave it sweetheart, one of my men will get it. Come meet my little girl.” Taehyung said casually, shooting me one brief intense look of.....anger? annoyance? I couldn’t figure it out.

 Sweetheart? did he just call her-

Luna had shuffled to hide behind my legs now, her fingers gripping my waist as she refused to greet the newcomer.

“Luna, this is Ms Jihyun. She’s a very good friend of mine.”

Jihyun dropped to her knees, eyes flashing red again as she smiled a tight lipped smile.

“Hello, Luna. How are you doing?” She said seriously. Luna’s grip on me tightened.

“She’s a little shy.” I choked out, trying to tamp down the rising sense of heartbreak. No. i had actively fought against feeling this way. Every night here, I had told myself that I would not think about Kim Taehyung. Admiring him for what he did , for how hard he worked for his kind....that was one thing ....but this. This was madness. 

Taehyung reached out around me to lift Luna up into her arms. 

“How about we go to the beach with Jihyun and Ms Lee today?” He said casually, holding his hand out to me.

I almost did something stupid, like press my hand into his before realizing that he was asking for the bag i had over my shoulders. Wordlessly, I handed it over. 

“I want to go with Rae Rae....” Luna said sharply, lips jutting out in a petulant little pout.  

“Well, Appa and Ms. Rae need to talk about something and once we’re done, I’ll join you there okay?” He ruffled her hair softly and then gently placed her back down. 

Luna gave me an imploring look.

“Are you leaving me?” Her lips wobbled.

I shook my head instinctively.

“Of course not baby, I’ll be right there. Just a few minutes, okay? Don't forget your sunscreen.” I smiled and Luna pouted again but moved to Ms. Lee’s side hesitantly. 

Taehyung waited till the three of them began leaving before turning to me. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly , gaze moving to me with the same intensity, and this time I knew what he was doing. He was trying to gauge what I was thinking and I remembered, weakly that Alpha wolves could sometimes sense moods, changes in a person’s body temperatures and things like that. It wasn’t like mind reading or anything but a perceptive enough werewolf could definitely guess what kind of mood someone was in.

I fought to keep my face neutral. There wasn’t much I could do about how clammy and cold my entire body had gone after meeting Jihyun. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to guess why I didn’t l;ike Jihyun there.

“It’s not you.” He said gently.

I swallowed.

“Sorry?”

“You’re beautiful. If we were.... the same kind of people.....I wouldn’t be saying this. But because of who we are.... I’m going to say it. It’s not a good idea.” He whispered.

I flushed, feeling like my entire body had been dipped in ice cold water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said evenly.

He hummed.

“If you leave today, there’s a job waiting for you in the Research Center. It’s a level up from what you’re doing right now. I’ve asked them to put up extra security around your cabin and I’ve talked with the wolves here. No one will come anywhere near you. “ 

I nodded bleakly.

“Thank you.” I said quietly. 

“You’re going to forget me and Luna in a few weeks. And I would rather that things end now, before Luna becomes more attached.”

I nodded.

“Can i talk to her before I leave?” I asked softly.

He hesitated. 

“I don’t.... I mean, I would rather not have Jihyun be present for that. She’s.... well she’s someone I’m getting to know and she may feel -”

I wanted to kick myself in the face for ever having agreed to this whole thing.

“I understand. I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get the rest of my stuff and to say goodbye to Luna.” I said shortly. 

Before he could reply, I brushed past him and ran up to my room. I had to get out of here as soon as I could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna cried inconsolably and I was eternally grateful that no one else was there when I carefully unpacked the huge carton of snacks and toys , I’d packed for her. Taehyung had made things a little easier, by telling Luna that it wasn’t me who was leaving but it would be them. They were going to a new place so they would be leaving me behind because I had stuff to do here. 

“I’m not going to be gone completely. I’m going to come visit you as often as I can alright and look....” I pulled out the small phone I’d brought her.

She stopped sniffling and held her hand out. I placed the flip phone in her hands.

“Theres just two numbers there. See the picture of the wolf? Thats daddy..... And see the one with the flower.....that’s me. If you want to talk to either of us, all you need to do is press this button.”

Luna hesitated.

“Daddy said, I can’t have any phones.” She said hesitantly. What a wonderful child, i thought fondly.

“Yes, but this isn’t the kind of phone that could hurt your eyes. It’s just a talking phone. Besides, your daddy already knows and he’s okay with it.” I smiled. 

She nodded, turning the little device over and over in her hands.

“Daddy say’s we’re going to the city. Why don’t you want to come?” She said angrily and i sighed.

“Its not that I don’t want to come, baby. It’s just that my home is here. I help take care of the little pups here remember? Some of them get sick and I help make them better....” I smiled, ruffling her hair. 

She nodded.

“Good girl...Now how about we go see the sandcastle you built yesterday...? See if it’s still there?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life went on and I found myself busy enough to not dwell on Taehyung too much. The vaccines were rolling out much faster now and most of the cases were milder . i spent the days in the research center and went home to my cozy cabin. Taehyung had been true to his word an an electric fence ran around the perimeter , twelve feet tall . A security guard stayed near the gate at all times, a beta werewolf named Minjun. 

Two weeks after Taehyung had moved out of the island, a distraction arrived in the form of one Jeon Jungkook . He was a year younger than me and finishing his internship before becoming a radiologist. He was smart , handsome and an alpha wolf with a deceptively cute bunny like smile.

Jungkook liked following me around when we had free time and I found his incessant noona , noona...endearing. But I was also not an idiot. 

Jungkook was looking for a fuck buddy and I was convenient. The only female in the research center. Werewolves didn’t do one night stands with each other, because being intimate always left a scent and it would make things messy. So weres  generally went to humans for no strings attached sex. 

It wasn’t that I minded , but a part of me was terrified i would do something stupid. Like call him Taehyung in the middle of us fucking. 

But of course, stupid decisions were my forte. 

So I did end up sleeping with him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, you look miserable.” Jimin commented mildly, as I stumbled forward to the counter. I hadn’t slept much the previous night and had nearly missed the ferry to the mainland in the morning.

“I’m fine oppa. Just frazzled. Give me something strong but sweet...” I begged, riffling through my bag for my wallet. Outside, the rain poured in torrents. I was still dripping water from my hair and my jacket, although I’d been out of the rain for a whole five minutes. 

“Taehyung’s been asking about you....Why don’t you pick his calls?” Jimin said casually and I flinched. 

“I did pick his calls. a couple of times....” I muttered . 

That had been a whole experience. Taehyung had called me two weeks back, frothing at the mouth about something. 

Apparently, Ji Hyun the lovely girlfriend that Kim Taehyung like flaunting all over town, was also the older sister on one Jeon Jungkook. And because we had had sex the previous night, Jungkook had smelled like me when he visited Taehyung and Ji hyun. Even Luna had picked up on the scent.

How on earth was i supposed to know? 

Taehyung had been so furious that I’d hung up the phone midway through. 

“And, what happened?”

I shrugged.

“And then I got busy. Why? I’ve been talking to Luna... I even met her a couple of times. It’s not like I have any other reason to talk to him.... “ I protested.

Jimin hummed.

“He’s still seeing that model. Jeon Ji hyun? I heard her brother works in the Research center?” Jimin raised an eyebrow, sliding my drink across the counter. I stepped out of the line but stayed near the counter, staring at him. Damn it. Had Taehyung actually told Jimin about it? 

“Jungkook? Yeah. He’s a doctor... He’s doing his MD , radiology and he’s here for exposure , apparently...”

“Alpha?” Jimin continued flitting about, making orders but his tone held a note of sympathy. 

I shrugged.

“Yeah, he is. But we don’t talk much. We went out one night but then he’s been aloof ever since.” I shrugged again hoping that Jimin was buying my nonchalant act. i still didn’t know how much he knew. 

Jungkook was a nice guy and I was a little peeved that he didn’t seem to want anything more than a friends with benefits thing. But that had less to do with him and more to do with the fact that men, in general, never seemed to consider me as a potential girlfriend. 

But then, the poor guy was in probably the most crucial part of his education. Relationships were probably the farthest thing from his mind. 

Jimin stopped when the last customer in the line left. He stared at me. 

“Taehyung told me Luna called you one morning and Jungkook picked the phone.” 

I froze.

“What?!” I hissed, completely thrown. This, I hadn’t known. 

“You went out? With Jungkook?  And he stayed over , I’m guessing....I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you guys did not play Jenga all night?” He glared at me. I flushed.

“Fine. We slept together. We are sleeping together....its just consensual sex between two willing parties,  . It’s no big deal.” I said flippantly.

“You don’t think that’s why Taehyung has been calling you? That’s his potential brother in law right there. It’s too messy. I think you should stop. ” He frowned. 

I rolled my eyes.

“Listen it has nothing to do with me. I’m not going to marry Jungkook okay? I’m not going to be calling Taehyung my brother in law either. Its not going to happen. i just had this...stupid king of crush on him and he knew about it. He turned me down too, did he tell you that. He told me him and I were too different.... meaning I wasn’t a were so he wouldn’t consider being with someone like me. ”

Jimin groaned. 

“you know why he feels that way. Don’t make this about you. It’s not personal.”

“Then why is it spilling into my personal life? I have no obligation to him. I can sleep with who I want.....”

Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Taehyung’s a were. He’s not going to see it that way.” 

“Well, I don’t give a damn how he sees it, I’m having sex with a handsome young man who is attracted to me. That’s a good time, right there and I’m not going to stop having a good time just because it offends Taehyung’s delicate sensibilities.” I snapped. 

Jimin shrugged.

“Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I went back to my cabin that evening, I found Minjun missing from his usual place near the gate. The gate was still locked so I didn’t think too much about it, merely slotting the rusty old key into the huge lock and prying it open. 

I made my way to the door, opening it carefully. 

i nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw who was there. 

“what the- Seo Joon?” I said in disbelief, stumbling back when the tall alpha stumbled to his feet from where he was lounging on the couch. 

“Well, look who’s here....if it isn’t the slutty little bitch who wants to sleep her way through every were on the island....First Taehyung and now Jungkook.....you sure know who to pick, huh.....? All powerful, influential wolves..... “ He slurred.

I stared at him. This wasn’t good. I turned on my heel, ready to run back out but he was faster than me. I groaned when he slammed into my back pinning me to the door with so much force that the wood splintered,. 

While my bruised ribs had healed, they still hurt a bit. And the force of his actions left my mind reeling from the pain. 

“Get off me!! “ I screamed, “ MINJUN!!!!! MINJUN HELP!!!” 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHORING BITCH!!!”

He slapped me right across the face, the strength of it sending me crashing into the side table. I whimpered as I tried to get on my feet, fingers fumbling for my phone .

“it was you wasn’t it? I was supposed to be the deputy minister.... Taehyung’s supposed to be my fucking friend. instead i got fired like some lowly runt ...... It was you wasn’t it? you convinced him that humans are our fucking friends....” 

I shook my head, frantic.

“No...i swear I’ve not spoken to Taehyung...i didn’t say anything... Seo Joon please don’t...” I screamed when he reached down and grabbed my hair, yanking me to my feet till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“Maybe I should fuck you too....since that's the thing people seem to be doing these days....Its because of your father isn’t it? That bastard has been all over the news,  talking these past few weeks about how his precious daughter is doing a lot of work for the welfare of wolves....Maybe I should fuck his daughter too....  ” He began, reaching for my blouse. 

I barely registered the nonsense about my father before a loud sound broke through the din. 

The door swung open and the sound of gunfire made me scream.

 I stared at the door only to see the security guard staring at us with wide eyes. 

Minjun , panicked and completely overwhelmed , had blindly opened fire on both of us. 

I felt the touch of the bullet to my shoulder, before the blinding explosion of pain.

 But he seemed to have hit Seo Joon as well, enough times for the were to let go of me and I crashed to floor, clutching my shoulder in agony. 

The sound of gunfire had attracted more people and through the throng I heard Jungkook’s voice.

“Noona.... Mirae noona is that you----???”

“Kookie!!” I croaked out desperately. Jungkook’s eyes went wide when he saw, me, pushing his way past the other wolves before letting out a snarl. The sound seemed to make the others cower and I remembered that he was an alpha too. 

I gripped his arms when he reached me. 

“Don’t tell Taehyung...” I gasped out, still clutching  my shoulder. 

“God, what the fuck.... We need to get you out of here...” He was already dialing for the ambulance. I waited for him to finish, gasping from the pain. Fuck, it hurt like hell. 

“We’re going to get you to the research center first.” Jungkook said frantically.  

I nodded, stumbling to my feet when he tried to lift me up. 

“It’s okay...just...get me something to …” But he was already peeling off his shirt, wadding up to press against the bleeding bullet hole .

“Hyung is going to kill Seo Joon.” He said grimly. 

For once, I didn’t particularly care. 

My mind raced because I hadn’t thought about my father in years. 

What did that tyrant want with me now??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Me trying to finish all my fics and not lose my mind in the process :’( 

[wanderloveshater]

skeleton dance

i remember distinctly around the time (2020) i read this article- i was being driven back to my house due to an intense evacuation (fires!) and was super excited that wander was going to be on hulu! at the time i enjoyed the show casually, i knew it was just *really* good and introduced it to my partner- who also really enjoyed it. i love the settings, the episodes, the songs. the characters. space just feels limitless! it goes very well with the universe i have with my cast of oc’s who are aliens. with this, i decided to give it a re-watch...little did i know it would catapult me to an obsession!

the cartoon stood out to me as my fav episode (surprisingly not a skeletondance-esque episode)

mainly because its just. so funny.

around march 2021, my mental health tanked so badly. probably the worst it was ever- even coming past when i had intense familial issues. (we overcame those)

i had somewhat lost my closest friend. something dramatic happened. they changed. they hurt me so badly, amongst other red flags i overlooked (and other friends begged me to realize) and it was one of the most painful things i had to endure, it really was. it was realizing that a ten year friendship had dissipated, that they had other interests... and it goes on. such is life. i had so much pain and anxiety, staying up late at night fighting with myself and trying to forget the good times that will no longer be- and if those times were tainted. on top of that i recently got a new job and was worried i would get fired due to the amount of mistakes i would make (at a boba shop where there are so many recipes to memorize)

but wander and lord hater. them. them! the show kept me happy...it truly did, as with consuming the fanart and fanfictions and just! obsessing over wander and lord hater kept my mental state in check. they make me stim, smile, just fill my heart with happiness.

it’s something about how....their dynamic is so fun to watch

amongst other things.

Overall I’m glad those two exist and that they’re in love so thank you Craig for this I’m living for them. i plan to make continuous artwork, maybe some drabbles, and hopefully organize a way to roleplay as the main cast. i have a lot of appreciation to show

[stuck-in1]

These drunk confessions - Part 2

Pairing: Park Jongseong (Jay) x OC (Im Haeyoon) Genre: Fluff | A little angst | College AU | Friends to enemies to lovers TW: cursing | mentions of alcohol and getting wasted | please let me know if there are any I should add

These drunk confessions | Part 1 | Part 3

⊱ ━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊰

Part 2: Jay

Three days since that fucking incident, three days since I last went out of my apartment, and I haven’t spoken to anyone since then. I’ve done nothing but to wallow in misery due to me being humiliated in front of the student body plus the fact that she hated me.

Why is she so mad at me? Fuck if I did anything to her, she was the one who broke it off, since she liked another guy, not me. It’s also a fucking mystery that she liked Park Sunghoon before—not that he was bad looking or anything, but the dude had the personality of a rock! If he wasn’t good looking, then he’d be a nobody!

Speaking of, it must be him calling again, but the caller ID says otherwise—it was Aerin. Why is she calling me, is there an emergency?

“Hey, Aerin. What’s up?” Since she didn’t call nor text as much, I was curious.

“What’s up is why you’re ignoring your friends who are worried sick! Heeseung went to your apartment twice but you didn’t even open the door for him. The others are already at their wits end trying to figure out what your problem is! It’s Jake’s birthday today and he can’t even be happy about it because he’s bothered—"

“I’m okay Ae-“

“Did I ask if you’re fucking okay, Park Jongseong?! Do you think hiding from everyone because you got slapped by my bestfriend justifies your actions? From what I’ve heard, you brought it upon yourself!”

“Why are you taking it against me? I’m the one that got slapped, not you nor the guys! Your friend has issues, I didn’t even do anything to her!” I half yelled, too frustrated and confused, I have been in this dilemma for the past 8 months, if they only knew.

After a few seconds of silence, Aerin seemed to have calm as well, “Whatever’s between you, talk it out, okay?”

“She blocked me, if you must know. She wouldn’t even look at me.”

“You should probably stop insulting her and giving snide remarks, i don’t know why you can’t be civil with her, what did she ever do to you?”

She fucking left me for someone else, she broke my heart. Fuck. “Nothing.”

“I swear to God, Jay. Even Niki doesn’t measure up to your maturity at this point. If you don’t come to Jake’s party tonight, the guys will talk to your parents.”

“Fine! I’ll be there.” I fibbed just to make her lay off me.

There is a possibility that I’d see Haeyoon later, and I’m not sure if I’m prepared to. Anyway, if I decide to go, she won’t be the reason, it’d be because it’s Jake’s day—even if that asshole is set to ask her out, he’s still one of my bestfriends.

What if the two started dating? Will I be able to move on from all this?

It’s just hard to accept that she’s no longer part of my life.

Haeyoon is Mika’s, my cousin, friend from their high school—we met at my cousin’s graduation party. Haeyoon’s a head turner, not only beautiful, but elegant. Her movements were so refined that I thought she’d be boring, but man, was I so wrong!

We were at the hotel’s ballroom, people watching, when she excused herself. At the ten minute mark, I saw her rushing towards me—she then pulled my hand and dragged me outside of the ballroom towards the pool area.

Apparently, she stole a bottle of Riesling and one of the staff almost caught her. We drank straight from the bottle like two underage alcoholics without a care in the world. The night that we both lost our virginity to each other, spent the rest of the evening until dawn just talking as we waited for the first sunrise of our summer.

The following day, I drove her home and ended up meeting her parents, they invited me to have lunch with them until I became a staple in their household, sometimes having dinner with her and her parents, or staying the night, she also did the same—coming over during the weekends or joining my family on our short trips. My parents adore her, I know exactly why.

When the new school year started, she suggested that we shouldn’t be obvious in campus, she doesn’t want anyone finding out about us since it’s like a friends with benefits thing—I agreed. She also didn’t want her bestfriend to get the wrong idea about us, I didn’t think much of it until I’ve noticed that a lot of guys have been approaching her, trying to get her attention. I became insecure as the idea of her liking someone else did not sit well with me, if that happens, it means it’s gonna be over between us, no questions asked.

Sunghoon and Heeseung, two of my long-time friends, got to know her as well, and I made it a point to tell them to not allow any male student near her, my plan was successful, and lucky for me, they did not question my motives. It was then that I knew my feelings were starting to materialize.

Then Jake came into picture junior year, and started showing interest in her and it was a relief that she did not give him the time of the day. I never asked her about Jake, I did not want her to get the wrong idea, as long as we were okay, I’d be fine with that. That was until the party they’ve hosted for Jake.

Mom wanted me to bring my cousin Mika and two of her friends to wherever I was going that night, saying something about being cordial to our guests since they were visiting over the weekend. So I told Haeyoon that I won’t be able to go to her place after. That night was a blur, I remember getting kissed by one of my cousin’s friend in Heeseung’s balcony and I just let her, thinking it was Yoon, but turns out it’s not. That was also the same exact moment I realized that I can’t be with someone unless it’s her.

So I immediately ran downstairs to frantically look for her, Aerin said she already went home, not feeling well. As an act of desperation when I rushed to the front door, stumbling a few times, forcing myself to walk straight to where my car was parked. Heeseung and Sunghoon stopped me when I told them that I’d be driving to her place. They forced me to stay, and took my car keys from me, making sure I didn’t do anything stupid. I called her multiple times that night, even sent her messages but I got no response, which was fairly odd, considering that she never misses to reply.

Monday came sooner, the only message I got from her was that she went home to her parents and that she’d call me, but heard nothing after. Frustration was slowly building up—I went to her apartment, let myself in but found nothing.

Yoon did not attend her morning classes either, I’ve been asking the guys nonstop on her whereabouts, but no one knew. Aerin was already getting suspicious of me but didn’t ask further, it was a relief since I didn’t want to tell her anything that Yoon may have not told her yet, and if she questioned me, I know I’d break.

A couple of days later, I finally got a text from her, only to say that she wanted to end things as she’s now liking someone else. I bombarded her with calls and messages until she switched off her phone, I wanted to talk to her, in person at least, I was planning to tell her everything and if she didn’t accept me, I’d let her be. The closure I wanted, I never got.

It was Sunghoon, the guy she liked. I had to find out from grapevine that it was him. It felt like I was cheated on, yet Sunghoon had no clue on Yoon and I’s status.

As soon as I had the chance, I confronted Sunghoon, one on one, and interrogated if he was making a move on her. He denied everything, saying that they were just friends, nothing more. I was lost, not sure who to believe then. My like seemingly went upside down because she left me—Park Jongseong was the perfect definition of tragedy.

Our most recent interaction wasn’t any better, and it was my fault I got triggered. She has never called me Jay, it was always Jongseong, Jongseongie, Seong, but never Jay. She specifically implied that it was only for people not close to me—now that she’s calling me Jay, it simply meant I was a mere acquaintance.

Again, my phone buzzed, it was my mother this time. “Hi mom.”

“Jongseong, where are you?”

“I’m in my apartment, why?”

“Your friends are here, Heeseung is here looking for you, with Sunghoon and Niki. Why are you hiding from your friends? Where is Haeyoon? I knew something was wrong she didn’t go here for our anniversary, did you cheat on her?! I swear to God Jongseong, you won’t meet anyone better than her-“

I cut her off with her ramblings, “mom! The guys will hear you!”

“So what if they hear me? Have you been hiding her?!”

“She’s not even my girlfriend mom,” I whined, what is it with women these days and nagging? “and it’s not like she wants to be my girlfriend.”

“You’re indeed your father’s son. I can’t believe you didn’t see how much she cares about you, I know I’m your mother and I’m supposed to support you, but if you don’t win her back, don’t think about going home, and that’s final.”

“What the fuck, mom?!”

“Language, young man. I will have a word with your friends.”

“Don’t tell them anything mom! I swear it’s no-“ I did not even get to finish my sentence when she hang up. I can’t believe she’s disowning me because of Haeyoon! I am her only son, my God! That woman is so petty! How did she even become my mother?!

Truthfully, I’m not prepared to tell the guys about this however I’m pretty sure that they now know more than I want to tell them. I took the quickest shower ever and rushed back home, after I messaged them in our group chat: Heeseung, Sunghoon and Niki, do not leave! Wait for me there and do not listen to that woman!

Unsure of how many stop signs I’ve ran over, I got home in record time—25 minutes! As soon as I got off my car, I spotted the three of them with my mother at our patio. My mom already giving me a condemning face as soon as she saw me, oh God, I’m gonna be homeless!

“Hey, mom, guys!” I casually greeted them, acting cool while my inner turmoil suggests otherwise.

“Sit down Jongseong.” Okay, I’m in trouble. The three were stifling a laugh, they were not the most subtle bunch. “What’s this I hear that you’ve been going out with different women every week?!”

I’m going to kill all of you. I mouthed those words to them which didn’t help with their case, Heeseung snorted, the other two were in hysterics.

“Did you break up with Haeyoon or you cheated on her, she found out then broke up with you?”

“Mooom, she’s not even my girlfriend, I told you.” I insinuated in sort of whisper-shouting manner, “she’s going to kill me if she finds out they know.”

“Don’t worry, man. She won’t get mad.” Sunghoon assured me, a little too apprehensive if you ask me.

“Are you planning something? What are you guys planning?!”

“I’ll leave you boys be, you guys are staying for dinner,” mom then stood up, “Please talk to your friend, he needs a good beating.”

The boys chuckled and had the nerve to approve of what she just said. “Stop acting like you’re my mother’s sons.”

“What, it’s funny!” Sunghoon mused, “Heeseung believed that Jake was so serious about Haeyoon!”

Niki looked at Sunghoon wide eyed while hitting his arm, “Fucking retard!”

“Watch your language, Niki!” I warned the youngest, “what did you say?”

“Just go to the party later, Jake’s expecting all of us.” Heeseung exclaimed, getting my attention from the other two.

“Why? I have school work to finish.”

“I’m your classmate in most of your classes, deadlines aren’t until the end of the month, so that’s three weeks from now.”

“Come on, Jongsaeng-mon… we haven’t seen you in three days!“

“Stop referring to me as if I’m your Pokemon!” I snarled at Sunghoon, “Come on guys, I’m not in the mood. Besides, I also need some me time.”

“Heeseung will buy you lunch for a whole month.” Niki offered.

“I don’t need that, I’m rich.”

Niki huffed, “well, not if we tell auntie. You’d be homeless and poor!”

This kid is evil, they again didn’t give me much choice so I was forced to say yes, already regretting my decision.

After a few more lectures from my mom during dinner, we made our way to wherever the party was. Mom warned me again that I shouldn’t step foot in this house in the future if I don’t have Haeyoon with me. It’s as if she’d talk to me again after what happened.

It felt like being abducted by my own friends—they didn’t even let me bring my own car, making sure that I can’t leave anytime. Plus Jungwon and Niki are staying over, they made sure that I also do the same.

“Where are we going?” I asked Heeseung when I realized that the direction we’re going to is a bit different than our usual route.

 “Jake rented a penthouse suite, he says something about his parents being home, so we needed to go to a different place.”

Sketchy, but okay. Whatever. He might’ve rented the whole club or something, that’s what he always does. He doesn’t like the hassle of cleaning up the following day, pretty smart actually.

What I wasn’t told was that he booked a penthouse suite in Hyatt in Gangnam and only a select few were invited. By select few, meaning it was only our circle.

“Hey man, I thought you wouldn’t make it!” Jake got me into headlock as soon as he saw me and dragged me inside to where the supposed living room is.

“Dude, be thankful it’s your birthday or else!” I laughed along with him as I try to fight back, but Jake was somewhat stronger.

“I just didn’t expect to see you, I thought I’d have to drag your ass out of your apartment!”

“That’s what we did actually,” Sunghoon chimed in, “We had to go to his parents’ house just to make him come out. It’s pathetic!”

“Take it easy on Jongseong,” Aerin shushed the two, “go, freshen up,“ she pushed me to one bedrooms, as Niki handed me my rucksack, “we’ll just prep the food.”

“Oh yes, yes! Chill for a bit,” Jake was on it too, everyone within the radius exchanging knowing glances, acting suspicious if I may add, “Go!”

As I was pushed inside the room, the door behind me closed almost immediately, to which I forced to open it but it’s somehow stuck from the other side. “What the fuck guys?! Open up!” I was banging on the door at the same time.

“Will let you out in an hour, I swear!” I think that was Heeseung’s voice.

“Yeah, an hour or so. We won’t let you out unless you two talk!” That was definitely Sunghoon… wait, us two?

“Why the hell are you so loud?!” Someone from behind me suddenly spoke, which fucking gave me a heart attack, “and what are you doing here, Jay?” Ah, the love of my life who saw me as nothing but a nuisance.

“Hey Haeyoon… Um, I guess they locked us in.”

She sighed and walked towards the door, tried opening it, and banged it as well, “Fucking morons! Let us out, you dumb shits! I SWEAR ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE I’LL -“

I placed both of my hands on each shoulder as I lightly pulled her away from the door and had her sit on the edge of the bed, it was a hopeless case especially when we both heard Sunghoon and Jake’s obnoxious hooting.

“It’s pointless, these guys are assholes to begin with.” I told her.

“Obviously.” she muttered while typing angrily at her phone, the message was sent to our group chat, I almost chortled when I read the message full of profanities, definitely not threatening, but cute, “Why are you laughing? Do you think this is funny?!” Oh, oh! I’m unblocked? I can read her messages again, WTF!

“I’m sorry, I was smiling, not laughing.” I corrected her which made her glare even more. It was meant to be a joke but she took it negatively.

Her back was against the headboard and damn it, even with no makeup on, she looks beautiful. More beautiful than anyone I’ve met—this is bringing me back to the time I've first met her.

Maybe God has a weird way of answering my prayers—I’m taking this as a sign from the heavens, plus I don’t want our friends’ efforts go to waste.

“How are you, Yoon?” I sat on the side of the bed near her, but still kept a good distance, in case she wanted to hurt me again.

She raised her left eyebrow at me, “and you’re asking because?”

Maybe because I miss you and it’s been almost a year since we last talked? “Just asking.”

A sigh escaped her lips the nth time in the last thirty minutes or so, “I’m sorry. It’s just, we’re no longer on speaking terms, it’s weird that you’re asking me this, but to answer your question, I’m fine. I hope you are too.”

“I am,” I hesitated to continue, not knowing what to say further.

“You know we don’t have to talk just because they locked us here. We can always go back to pretending that’s we’re not close once they let us out, just be civil.”

“Pretending we weren’t close didn’t do us any good, Yoon, and you know that.”

“Maybe it was meant to end, Jay. Maybe we weren’t even meant to be friends.”

“Don’t say that, please.” I begged, I reached out to both her hands and kissed it, “I’m sorry for being a jerk, I just—I didn’t know how to handle being away from you. I didn’t know what to do with my life, you became a big part of it in a short span of time. Can we just go back to how it was? Please Haeyoon?”

My tears are already threatening to spill, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t afford to lose her again. I’d go insane, it’d be now or never.

She retracted her hands, insisted that I let go, “You mean go back to having sex then keeping it as a secret? I don’t think so.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I know you like Sunghoon, or maybe Jake, I don’t know,” I took a deep breath, to make sure I won’t mess up my words again, “Haeyoon, I won’t tell you to stop liking them or whatever, what I’m asking for is to just let me be there for you again, let me spend time with you like before, let me do things for you, drive you wherever you need to go, anything, just please. I don’t know how I can function again without you in my life.”

“Why are you doing this, Jongseong?” her voice softens, “I can’t take advantage of you like that. I can’t do that to you.”

“Because I love you, Im Haeyoon. Since freshman year, I think. I just didn’t want to tell you as I thought it may frighten you away.” She froze at my confession, now this is scaring me—she’s going to reject me that’s for sure, but at least I told—

“You’re a fucking idiot, Park Jongseong.” She wiped her now damp eyes with the back of her hand, “you’re a fucking idiot!”

“I’m sorry if this is something that’s not expected, I just wanted to tell you at least before you decide to cut ties with me again. I’ve loved you—no, I love you since then, and that hasn’t changed, not one bit.”

“You could’ve just told me before, you’re aware of that right?” She’s now smiling through her tears, even laughing at this whole situation, “we could’ve avoided all this drama you know?”

“What do you mean? So we could’ve ended it sooner?”

“God, you’re so dense. You really are. Although I’m not any better…” she muttered.

Dense? Because what, you’re rejecting me for someone else? As of this moment, I’m not sure which is more acceptable, getting rejected because of your bestfriend or because of someone you don’t know.

“What are you thinking about Jongseongie?” she placed both her hands on each side of my face and gave me a quick peck on my lips, what the fuck? My brain short circuited and didn’t know how to react. “You’re an idiot, and I’m inlove with you.”

“You—you are—with me? Seriously?”

“Who else? You want me to take it back?”

“NO! No of course not! You’re mine.” I blurted out so suddenly, “I’m sorry, I mean-“

“I love you Park Jongseong, I really do. It’s just I thought you were going end things with me after I saw you kissing someone else at Heeseung’s party. I thought me ending things abruptly would be better for the both of us, and I dreaded the idea that you would want it to stop.”

I was about to say something but she interrupted me, “Wait, let me finish. I need to let it all out or I’ll forget.” It was very typical of her, to forget things, “So I accidentally confessed that I liked Sunghoon, which wasn’t true by the way.”

“You put him on the spot!” I gasped, making fun of her, “Poor Sunghoon, he must’ve been traumatized!”

She lightly tapped my cheek and chuckled, “You’re so mean! But anyway, I already came clean, a few days ago.”

“Just a few days ago?! And we all thought…”

“The guys told me you were the only one who thought that, apparently they all knew about us because you have drunk confessed to everyone!”

“That is not true!” I strongly denied, “Who told you this? It’s really not true.”

“Well,” she pondered, “there’s Sunoo, Sunghoon, Niki and Jungwon may have mentioned something. You’ve been telling them things apparently… like I left you for someone else? Dude, we’re not even dating! Do you want me to ask them again?”

“No, please. Don’t! I love you, okay? That’s what’s important!” I insisted, but the things I do when I’m drunk were pretty much buried in the ditch, memories have been vague.

The door suddenly opened, good thing we weren’t in a compromising position. “Are you lovebirds done? It has been more than an hour and food is ready!” It was the birthday boy.

“We’re good,” Haeyoon stood up, and smiled at him. She took my hand and pulled me towards the door.

“We’re good? That’s it?” I whispered, “aren’t we discussing our relationship status at least?”

She just shrugged and walked away, smirking, as she joined the others in the kitchen—what the fuck was that? Where do we stand?

“So…?” Ah, Jake and Jungwon obviously asking for what transpired within the room.

“What?” I asked irritatingly, “What do you want?” I threw myself to the nearest couch, completely ignoring the two. Unfortunately for me, the two couldn’t take a hint and joined me.

“What ‘what’? We’re asking what’s going on between you two now? Did you finally ask her out?” Jungwon nudged.

“Are you finally dating?” Jake also probed, a little too eager.

“Get away from me you two!” I tried so hard to shoo them away but I remember her kissing me just a while back. Right then and there, a grin escaped my lips—they’ll never let me hear the end of it!

Their teasing might have attracted Sunoo, who was now walking towards us wearing that mischievous smirk, followed by Sunghoon—fuck my life! I'm just not ready for this...

⊱ ━━━━━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊰

These drunk confessions | Part 1 | Part 3

Home | Masterlist

[fairyhaven13]

No shading because I’m exhausted; I’ll probably upload the finished version sometime at a later date, but I figured it would be okay to upload as-is for now. I’m just so busy packing up for Japan. I still wanted to get this out in spite of that.

This is because some fanart reminded me that the old game, Folklore (aka FolksSoul) exists, and @sinbinfamiliar reminded me that I love Scarecrow. So, for the last half of this month’s WIP topic, I worked on an outline for a fic for this. I have absolutely no idea when it would be even close to done; I don’t know when I’ll assign the next month of working on it, since I have several other stories planned for the next few months’ topics. But, at least I have something out there for it, now. I’ll put my ideas for the story under the cut.

So, this is Jill, my latest OC. Jill is a New Yorker who was visiting Ireland when she found Scarecrow washed up on the beach. She saw his Id flailing in panic and helped shove it back into his skull, and when he woke he was understandably baffled about why he hadn’t faded away due to a lack of purpose. Jill has a ton of questions and can’t let this opportunity go to waste, so she promises to help find him a new purpose in exchange for information about the magical world.

We have two character arcs here, therefore: Scarecrow dealing with depression now that he is no longer Ellen’s imaginary friend, and not knowing what his purpose is; and Jill having the selfish desire to feel like a special Chosen One interacting with the magic world. Ironically, she is a Chosen One: the Traveler for New York. Not to the Netherworld, since that’s only accessible from Doolin, but to the Fae world. However, this only works if she has the desire to help other people, which starts with her genuinely wanting to help Scarecrow, rather than wanting to go on a special adventure. Her outfit above is her Cloak, the Urban Cloak of New York.

The mystery they run into is that people have been disappearing in New York, all over the state, and Scarecrow has a sense that it’s magical. He helps guide her to the first Fae world, which is full of people worried that something evil is taking over. They discover that the people disappearing are also being erased from memory, so no one else notices they’re gone. Eventually, Scarecrow realizes it’s coming from Jill’s apartment, right under their nose. The entity behind the Cropsey murders has been staying in a hidden door, much like Prisoner Zero in Doctor Who. There’s a Doctor Who moment here where Scarecrow gives Jill the speech about the “thing in the corner of her eye” and “such a big place, with so many empty rooms and so few people in it,” about her apartment.

This leads them to the final world, accessed from the Empire State Building, where they fight Cropsey. Jill falls and Scarecrow saves her with a huge flock of crows, realizing his new purpose is to help her protect the Fae worlds. This takes all his energy, though, and Jill has to absorb his Id to keep him alive. One of the Fae, who has been helping them through all this, leads her to a creepy basement area to “bring him back,” but this has the unexpected consequence of bringing this Fae’s lover, Cropsey, back. Someone’s life force must be given to stop this, and rather than let Scarecrow sacrifice himself again, Jill weakens herself to do it. Thus both their character arcs complete. This stops Cropsey, but also brings Scarecrow back as Jill’s imaginary friend, tied to her life force.

I don’t have many details beyond that. I’d like to have a rooftop scene where they have a fun dance with the Fae. Mostly I just want Scarecrow to be happy. He deserved better.

[official-weasley]

Meant to Be (Charlie Weasley x OC)

What happens when Bill brings home a girl and Charlie is completely awestruck by her?

WARNINGS: curse words, angst

Chapter 10

Charlie

My feet were glued to the ground, unable to move. The second I heard her say my name I knew this was a mistake. Why did I listen to those idiots? And what was I thinking about coming here without a plan? What am I supposed to say why I came to see her? To profess my love to her?

I can’t.

Even if my friends were right and she does feel the same way. I still feel too guilty to do anything about it. I have to talk to Bill first. I have to go and see him and I have to confess what I’ve done. If I make it out of there alive, then perhaps I’ll think about it. It depends on how he’ll feel about the whole situation.

The worst part was that due to us not talking and Rhylee not mentioning anything, I had no idea if he ever got around to asking her out or if they were together. I would know if they were, right? But then again, Rhylee was very private about her life in England and Bill hasn’t written to me for far longer than I would like to admit. The only thing I knew is that he was in the Order like I was and that he has taken a desk job at Gringotts, leaving everything behind in Egypt.

The fact that I admired him for it was an understatement. He gave up his job to be closer to home, to help out with the Order as much as he could and what was I doing? Feeling sorry for myself and beating my head over the fact that I am drifting further away from my family every single day.

Bill was the better man, he always was. That’s why I need to talk to him before I do anything else. It’s time to man up, Charlie, and own up to your fucking mistakes.

“Good evening.” I said, grinning like an idiot.

“What are you doing here, Charlie?” She looked exhausted.

We have been pretty busy working on the case but I know she loved every minute of that and I had a hunch that something else was wrong. Her eyes were puffy and she had a handkerchief in her hand. Was she crying?

“The guys missed drinking with you so I came to see if everything’s okay.” It terrified me how good of a liar I was becoming.

“I’m fine. Just…tired.” She tried desperately to hide the handkerchief behind her back.

She smiled weakly and invited me inside.

“Can I make you some tea?” She asked softly.

“That would be great.” Merlin’s beard did I want to ask her what was wrong but I didn’t want to intrude on her privacy.

If it was about the trial or the dragon she would’ve told me by now.

I sat on the sofa cross-legged and leaned on the side of it, observing her making the tea. My eyes were scanning her body, every inch of it imprinting on my brain. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt and pajama shorts and for some reason woolen socks even though it was the middle of May.

Damn, it irritates me that I can’t find the words to describe how beautiful she is. Extraordinary would come close. She was so graceful moving around her small kitchen, even though she wasn’t radiating her usual confidence.

“Here you go.” Her voice brought me back to reality.

“Thanks.” I murmured.

She sat down next to me, one of her legs over my crossed one. Why did she have to be so affectionate and why did I have to overthink it every time?

“You know what I never asked you?” She said, her eyes on her cup.

I simply hummed to make her continue.

“How do you like Fleur?” She blew on her tea.

“Fleur?” I repeated the name.

Who in the bloody hell is Fleur?

“Bill’s girlfriend?” She chuckled upon seeing my surprised reaction.

Bill’s girlfriend? Bill has a girlfriend?

I don’t know what hurt more. The fact that I didn’t know, that he didn’t tell me or that she knew and I didn’t.

“You don’t know?” Regret of telling me formed on her face.

“Emm…” I swallowed hard. How am I supposed to tell her that Bill and I haven’t seen each other since the Christmas I met her? “Bill and I had a bit of a fallout.” Saying that out loud felt like someone pierced my chest with an arrow.

“Oh.” She put her hand over her mouth.

I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to know more but didn’t dare to ask. She knew Bill was my best friend and I hated that she felt sorry for me. I don’t deserve it.

“I thought you were dating Bill.” If I was going to talk to him, I have to get as much information as possible.

Did he ever talk to her like he planned? Did he ever tell her how he felt about her?

“Me and Bill?” She bowed her head. “No. Nothing ever happened between us.” She said, shaking her head.

I felt like a piece of shit. This was because of me, wasn’t it? Because of the mistake, I’ve made.

“He did ask me out.” I could barely understand her words as she mumbled into her cup. “But I said no.” Her voice broke.

“Please tell me that you didn’t do it because we…”

“And what if I did?” She interrupted me.

Rhylee, don’t say stuff like this to me. You know I won’t be able to resist kissing you.

“I said no because I meant it when I told you I only see him as a friend. I always did. I didn’t lie to you and I didn’t lie to him.” She quickly continued when she saw my eyes widen. “And also because,” she swallowed thickly, “because of what happened between us.”

Silence fell upon us as neither of us said anything. She was waiting for me to reply and I didn’t know what to say back. This didn’t make me feel good. I was proud of Bill for gathering the courage and asking her out and I felt sorry for him at the same time because she turned him down. I should’ve been there for him when that happened. I can’t imagine how he had to feel.

“Charlie, listen…” With her head still down, she leaned closer to me.

Rhylee, what are you doing?!

“If you don’t know about Fleur and that Bill asked me out…” Her voice broke again.

What was she not telling me?

“I think I’m the reason Bill stopped talking to you.” A single tear ran down her right cheek but she quickly brushed it away as if I couldn’t see it. “When he asked me out and I said no, I panicked. I knew I hurt his feelings and it pained me to do so because he’s such a sweetheart. I didn’t know what I was saying. I was trying to find excuses why I couldn’t be with him and…”

Oh, please tell me this isn’t going where I think it’s going.

“Rhy, what did you do?” I whispered.

I didn’t have the strength to be louder, my heart beating hard against my chest.

“I told him we slept together.” She pushed away from me and buried her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I…I know it wasn’t my place to tell and I probably ruined your relationship and I know how close you two were and you have to know…” She sobbed. “You have to know I didn’t want to come between you. I didn’t and I am so so sorry.”

Without thinking twice about it I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight against my body while she muffled her crying with her head in my shoulder.

Everything made sense now. It was crystal clear why Bill wasn’t talking to me. I knew he had to know about us since his letters became rarer and rarer but I didn’t want to believe it.

It might be tearing me apart and I might feel guilty but I would bear all the pain in the world if it meant for him to be happy. I was never the person to hurt anyone, let alone my family, my brother.

“Shh…” I was searching for words while stroking her hair. I had to say something, this was clearly on her consciousness for a long time. “It’s okay. I don’t blame you. He would’ve found out sooner or later.”

She nodded her head and I could feel her body relaxing in my arms.

“The whole thing’s my fault and I know I’m a horrible brother for letting it get this far.” I inhaled sharply. “I’m planning on taking a few days off to go and see him.” I explained. “I want my brother back.” I whispered more to myself than to her.

She lifted her head so abruptly that she almost bumped into my chin. I reacted quickly, jerking my head backward. We were so close to one another. Too close and I was too weak for this. I felt like shaking but I knew I had to keep it together.

Charlie, you can’t. You have to talk to Bill first.

How could she look ravishing even when she was crying? Without really knowing what I was doing I leaned closer to her and she did the same.

Did I try stopping myself?

I did. But I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to.

Not anymore.

Our lips brushed against one another. Touching so slightly that it tickled me. In the name of everything that is magical, I had no idea how deep my desire to kiss her was.

I…I can’t. I have to wait.

If I could resist and torture myself for such a long time, I have to endure for a while longer. The second I come home today I am checking my team’s schedule to see when I can get a few days off. I need to talk to Bill. I need to get my life together and when I come back I need to be with her.

I tried pulling away from her. I really did.

We weren’t kissing, but she didn’t move away either, our foreheads pressed together. I could feel the tension between us. The curiosity of what would happen if our bodies crashed together. I couldn’t make the decision. I was simply not strong enough.

“Charlie, we can’t.” She decided for me.

Her breath brushed my lips as a summer breeze. She hastily pulled away as if remembering something and I followed her lead.

“I’m sorry…I…” I didn’t know what to say. I knew why I wanted to pull away but I had no idea what was going through her head. “I thought you wanted me to.” I breathed.

I had nothing to lose by being honest with her.

“I know.” She looked away, biting her lip. “I know.” She repeated, more to herself than to me.

She took a deep breath and wrinkled her face as if she was going to regret what she’ll say next. “I’m seeing someone.”

If someone was in the kitchen I would say that they dropped something made out of glass and it shattered all over the floor. But it was just my heart, breaking inside my chest. She was seeing someone? And she told me this after lingering over my lips for a solid minute?

What kind of a game was this? What was she thinking? What was she doing or better yet why? This was a new level of cruelty. It was brutal. I felt like someone ripped my heart right out of my chest.

I was still getting over the fact that we almost kissed. How close we were. My heart barely calmed down from that and she throws this bombshell on me?

“His name is Nick.” She continued.

I don’t care what his fucking name is, Rhylee!

“We started dating a month before I started working here.” She didn’t stop.

This was the first time I wanted her to shut up. I didn’t want to hear any details.

A month before she started working here? She was joking, right? This had to be a joke. She had a boyfriend the entire time. All this time I didn’t make a move because I felt so guilty about Bill and she was in a relationship?

Then what were all the mixed signals she was sending me?

All the silence?

Every time I caught her looking at me?

Gazing into my eyes?

All the unspoken words that never left her lips?

What was that about? She’s going to tell me that all of that was just something friends do? Because it bloody well didn’t feel like friendship to me!

What about every time she hugged me or leaned on me? Or the fact that she sobbed into my shoulder when she told me about Kyan? I didn’t see her doing that with anybody else here. Were those just friendly gestures too?

I didn’t know how to feel. I felt numb as if my body was shutting down. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to reply? I didn’t know if I was sad, frustrated, miserable or angry. Probably all at the same time. I was mad at her. Furious, to be more specific. She claimed that she’s the type of girl who doesn’t play with anyone’s feelings, then what is she doing to me?

“He’s,” She hesitated for a moment, “nice.”

Is it ridiculous to say that I didn’t believe that? Is it insane that I still had hope? That even though I felt my heart breaking I somehow wasn’t bothered by it at the same time. I hated all these feelings. All the emotions which I can’t explain. I hate that I don’t know what they mean.

This was all too much. I need to get out of here! I can’t sit on her sofa, in her hut and pretend that I am not completely shocked by her words. I can’t be around her. For the first time, I wanted to get away from her. For the first time, I couldn’t stand being near her.

Is it wrong to wish that she told me about this sooner? Why didn’t she? Why did she wait for more than half a year to tell me this? She started working here in September. It’s May, for fuck sake! Why did it come up now? Did she expect something to happen between us again and she waited for the right moment to crush my heart?

I didn’t know how to feel about her right now. She looked so innocent, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t. I couldn’t trust myself not to say something harsh or to shout at her. She had to know I had feelings for her. I know I never said anything but I wasn’t exactly hiding them either.

“He started working in Gringotts last March and we started dating in August.”

Why does she keep pushing it? Why does she think I want to know this?

“I’m happy for you.” I surprised myself at how sincere I sounded. I definitely didn’t feel happy for her. “Look, you’re right.” I got up. “I crossed the line and I’m sorry.” I started walking toward the door.

“Charlie, wait!” My hand was on the doorknob, waiting for what she has to say but nothing came out of her mouth.

“Don’t worry about telling, Bill.” I turned to her and bestowed her with a weak smile. “I’ll talk to him.”

I opened the door and stormed out. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I wanted to go home, change and go for a run but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop running. I had to do something. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I wanted to scream and shout and throw stuff around. I wanted to bang my head against a wall and take my heart out to stop the pain.

I felt sorry for myself as much as I was pissed off. I brought this on myself. I should have never had slept with her. It ruined my relationship with Bill. It ruined me. It ruined everything. I was happy before I met her. I loved my life and liked my lifestyle.

Did I want to meet someone like her? Yes.

Did I long to have a deep connection with someone? Yes.

Did I ever think it would be so hard and so excruciatingly painful? No.

I thought love is supposed to be easy. I thought it’s supposed to bring you warmth and make your brain all fussy. It’s supposed to bring you joy and give your butterflies. Not make you want to be fed to one of the dragons.

“Charlie!”

I really can’t catch a break, can I?

I turned around and saw Andrew, John, Evan and Theo approaching me, waving.

“How did it go?” Asked John before they even reached me.

“Did you tell her?” Theo wanted to know.

“Did you kiss her?” Andrew smirked.

“She has a boyfriend.” I know I sounded bitter but I didn’t care.

“What?” John’s face sank.

“You’re joking!” Theo said incredulously.

“If you don’t believe me, you can go ask her yourself.” I spat out. “Meanwhile, I’m going to sleep and...” I headed toward my hut. “And if you mention her or my feelings ever again, I will fucking feed you to Ren.” I said over my shoulder, leaving them behind, astounded.

I didn’t care what they thought. I didn’t care how harsh I sounded. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I took my time walking to my hut. The fresh air made me feel better. My head was completely blank. What would I even think about? Now, more than ever did I miss Bill. Merlin’s beard did I miss him! Is this how he felt when I wasn’t there for him when Rhylee told him everything?

Great, now I feel even worse. How did my life turn around so quickly? How did everything become such a mess? I didn’t know how to get out of this. Perhaps I deserved pain. I just knew one thing. I have to talk to Bill. I have to make up with him. I will beg for his forgiveness. I will kneel before him if need be. Now, more than ever, did I realize how important family is and how foolish I was for what I’ve done that night at the Burrow.

Family comes first and I needed too long to figure that out. I needed too long to see what is important. Nothing matters more than family. Nobody will be by your side as your family when something like this happens. Nobody will get even close to understanding as they will.

And I couldn’t even tell them. I don’t even want to know what they thought of me. I always wrote to them that I can’t come home because we were so busy here. I made up stupid lies to hide the fact that I was a complete scumbag. That I hurt my older brother and I affected my whole family because of it. I know they miss me and I have been selfish for not showing up at home. What a sibling I was for not taking care of them!

I don’t think I was ever so disappointed in myself. Did I really need more than 2 years to realize that this went too far?

2 years and 5 months…

That’s how long I haven’t talked to Bill. That’s how fucking long I needed to muster the courage and decide to visit him and talk to him. Was that how you treat your brother? Was that how you behave when you’re an adult? I was ashamed of myself and if I could I would beat the complete shit out of myself.

I hope Bill will do it. I hope he breaks my nose and sets me straight. I would deserve every punch and I would gladly take it.

This was my breaking point.

I unlocked my front door and shut them behind me with such a force that for a second I thought the windows were going to shatter. It definitely wouldn’t be the only thing breaking tonight.

I took off my clothes and went to take a shower. The water, pouring over me, was so hot that it burnt my skin but I didn’t care. It covered the tears that were running down my face. I didn’t even know why I was crying. Because of the heartbreak or for feeling so guilty.

I just knew I couldn’t hold them in any longer. All of this was too much. Too overwhelming, too painful to handle.

I was a simple man. I wanted my dream job. I wanted a simple life, living somewhere in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nature. I wanted a simple girl who I could ask out without thinking twice about it and she would gladly say yes.

Without drama.

Without secrets and regrets.

A simple girl who would love me just as much as I would love her. Somebody that would enjoy spending time with me and have a family with me.

That was all.

And what did I have?

A broken heart.

A girl that will never be mine.

And a brother for which I didn’t even know if he will ever want to talk to me again.

Damn, was I living a different life from what I imagined to have.